#beans mcblase

[polkadotpatterson]

Moist Talkers as text posts, part 19! Art by HetreaSky!

[lavender-dale]

"are you pulling the-"

"the UR signed Miami Dale Beans McBlase Tlopps foil card? yeah I am"

[thehallstara]

a burnout, a mathematician, and a psychopomp walk into a bar. in the end, only one walks out.

there was a joke here, but you're not laughing.

(henry marshallow, and an attempt to find a way)

-

listen. listen. sometimes the closer you get to blaseball the more you go off the rails. this is one of those times. (12x100, cws for death/incineration, blood, swearing, and necromancy.)

[una-manhattan-blaseball]

i think beans and tres leches are mad at each other again. as in beans is looking intensely at tres leches and tres leches is pawing at the bleachers

[locallibrarylover]

i think blaseball has some of the best surnames ever. hotdogfingers. omelette. strawberry. blueberry. bookbaby. sports. atomic. internet. prettygood. handcramp. garbage. object. regicide. haunt. walnut. incarnate. beans. marshmellow. marijuana. rice. podcast. datablase. mcblase. warhorse. butt. telephone. cornbread. loser

[0dd-0wl]

Philly Pies Surprise Attack

If you want me to draw a specific player, Pies or not, you can request one through my Ko-fi!

[bigdamnproject]

Some Moist Talkers thoughts for the end of th year

[averyhelm]

my piece for the Moist Talkers zine! the team taking a well deserved day off 💙💦

[hadestigers]

jayden wright. sanford garner. start running.

[orthgodlove]

took blaseball requests from my friends. from top to bottom, left to right: kaz fiasco, beans mcblase, velasquez meadows, salih ultrabass, borg ruiz, zi sliders, ogden mendoza, lenjamin zhuge, hurley pacheco, bryanayah chang, edric tosser

[polkadotpatterson]

Canada Moist Talkers as text posts, part 11: extra gay edition! Art by Hetreasky!

[astyrra]

a list of my favourite blaseball player names:

adelaide judochop

alaynabella hollywood

anathema elemefayo

axel trololol

beans mcblase

bennett bluesky

betsy trombone

blood hamburger

montgomery bullock

bontgomery mullock

boyfriend monreal

caligula lotus

cannonball sports

comfort septemberish

concrete mandible

coolname galvanic

eugenia garbage

freemium seraph

gerund pantheocide

gloria bugsnax

jacoby podcast

jaylen hotdogfingers

jessica telephone

jolene willowtree

juice collins

justice spoon

karato bean

kaz fiasco

kelvin drumsolo

king weatherman

knight triumphant

landry violence

lenny marijuana

liquid friend

mags banananana

math velasquez

muse scantron

nerd pacheco

nyx snapjaw

oliver notarobot

peanut bong

pitching machine

polkadot patterson

quack enjoyable

rat batson

rodriguez internet

scoobert toast

scores baserunner

sixpack dogwalker

slosh truk

socks maybe

summers pony

tad seeth

twofurious puddles

usurper violet

xandra pancakes

zesty yaboi

[thehallstara]

we NEED blaseball back so i stop making wild ships out of nowhere and getting too attached

[waveridden]

stress fracture

because i was thinking about being observed. lady/bottles, cw for injury description & paranoia, bottles uses she/they and lady uses she/her

also up on ao3

Maybe the first mistake is that none of them are nervous enough about it. They haven’t played any games against Chorby Soul, and for better or for worse McBlase is insistent that the Crabs wouldn’t hurt him, so none of them bother to worry. Not even Bottles — normally they try for something approaching caution, because a blacksmith who isn’t cautious is a blacksmith who gets burned, but today they can’t muster even the faintest concern.

And, okay, the second mistake is that Bottles doesn’t know much about this whole receiver business. Torus has been focusing on the psychoacoustic nonsense ever since they lost their Wyatt, and it’s probably really important work or whatever. But Bottles stays out of the stadium. They have other things to be doing.

So she isn’t scared of playing against a receiver. It doesn’t even cross their mind. Today’s body is glass, iridescent and lavender. It’s one of her favorites, one of few that was chosen not because it makes it safer to smith but because she likes the way it looks. It moves like a dream, too, incredibly good for baserunning.

It’s a good game against the Steaks. Not good because it’s an easy win but good because it’s close, a hard—fought battle. Bottles gets on base twice, scores two runs, feels fantastic when they step up to bat.

She feels fantastic until Sixpack Dogwalker beans her so hard her shoulder explodes.

It takes a second to even realize that’s what it was, the shock of it is so intense. It doesn’t hurt; there’s something like a nervous system in this body, but it’s not enough for bruises or breaks to make a difference. Really, the first thing they think when they understand that their left shoulder has been obliterated is: that’s going to be a bitch to fix later.

Carefully, she lifts her arm to expect the damage. The meat of her shoulder and upper arm are gone, sparkling dust and pieces scattered around home plate. There are spiderweb cracks spreading down to their elbow, which is annoying but not unfixable, and they can feel it spreading up their neck to their chin, which is annoying and possibly unfixable.

Dogwalker is making a face somewhere between triumph and horror, flickering between the two almost like two images transposed on each other. Everyone is watching Bottles as they take the walk, ending up on first base easily. She doesn’t look at the dugout; Lady will be panicking, and that’s something they can handle when they’re not on base and they can get a moment to themselves.

Now Adelaide is stepping up to bat, picking her way through the shards of Bottles’s shoulder. They watch, almost detached, as she steps through the pieces of their shoulder. Bottles absently rubs a hand along the jagged edges, ignoring the way the outfielders stare. It’s probably ugly to look at, really, not just the missingness but the shape of it. the brokenness of it.

Adelaide strikes out, and Dogwalker hits McBlase not long after. Bottles half expects him to shout something like “Avast, curses!” or whatever, but instead he’s silent as he walks to first. He won’t meet their eyes until he’s on base, and then he looks at Bottles and she looks back, the two of them watching one another in not-quite-scared silence.

Mira’s next with a single, and luckily Bottles doesn’t need their bum arm to run. They make it all the way home, breaking the tied score — it might even be the winning run. They’re grinning when they make it back to the dugout.

Lady’s waiting at the edge, eyes scanning them frantically, white—knuckling the edges of her wheelchair. She holds a hand out and Bottles obediently stops and turns their broken shoulder towards her. Lady’s hands dance along the break, too light to feel. At one point she hisses in pain, and Bottles frowns. When she takes her hand back they can see a bit of blood dripping down one finger.

“Hey,” Bottles says, alarmed despite herself. “None of that, don’t you hurt yourself, I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

“I’m fine,” they repeat firmly. “I wish everyone would quit looking at me, but — totally fine.”

Lady’s face creases into a frown. “Nobody’s looking at you.”

Bottles snorts. “Everyone’s looking at me.”

“No, Bots—” Lady gestures around. “Look.”

She’s right. Everyone in the stands is watching Jasper strike out. Nobody is paying attention to the dugout, not even the other Mechs. Bottles shivers. “It feels like somebody’s watching me.”

“I’m watching you.”

“No, it—” If Bottles had a tongue they would bite it. Instead she says, “it feels like everybody’s watching me.”

“They’re not.”

“I know.”

“Bottles.” Lady waits until she turns to face her and then says slowly, firmly, “they’re not.”

“I know,” Bottles lies. It feels like every eye in the world is on them. It’s a physical pressure, a weight bearing down on their shoulders. It’s hard to move, to think about anything other than the dust of their shoulder on the field and the fact that everyone is watching them having an intimate conversation. “What’s the weather tomorrow?”

Lady brightens. “Birds,” she says, and Bottles breathes a sigh of relief. “Nothing’s going to happen, see? No coffee. You’ll be right as rain. We can fix your shoulder up and it’ll be like nothing ever happened.”

Bottles forces a smile. Nobody watches her and everyone watches her. “Like nothing ever happened,” she repeats, and thinks longingly of tomorrow when they’ll be able to move without everybody watching it happen.

[caligulalotus]

so as inspired by @leonstamatis ‘s post analyzing the gender and humanity demographics of the Boston Flowers, I decided to do the same for the Moist Talkers, since I consider myself a kind of honorary MT fan because of the amount of MT lore I’ve been exposed to and am attached to because of my MT fan friends. I’m putting it under the cut because it got way longer than I thought it would, and I didn’t even do a real analysis.

There are going to be three classifications of person here, human, modified human, and nonhuman. A few of these players were hard to pin down (Jesús Koch and Beans McBlase), so I classified alternate reality players as modified or nonhuman and “regular human and their animal pal” as human. As for pronouns, the categories are separated into primarily he/him, primarily she/her, and primarily they/them, any, no, or neopronouns. If a character falls into these categories also uses another set of pronouns, those are listed as well but they do not contribute to the overall count for that other set of pronouns because the math would’ve gotten way too confusing for me, sorry. I also didn’t do race demographics because they really aren’t discussed on the wiki, and as far as I could tell, a lot of human players don’t really have a race consensus.

Player Stats:

30 players since season 1

Current roster is 15 players, 5 pitchers and 10 batters

7 players have been lost through incineration

9 players have been lost through feedback

1 player has been lost through trades/blessings

(I know these numbers don’t add up, it’s mostly Eugenia Garbages fault)

OG Lineup: 14 players

Eugenia Garbage-She/they, nonhuman

Jesús Koch-He/they, human modified

Greer Lott-She/that, nonhuman

Jenkins Good-They/them, modified human

Mooney Doctor-She/they, human

Trevino Merritt-They/them, human until proven otherwise

Kennedy Alstott-They/them, human

Tyler Violet-She/they, nonhuman

Elijah Bates-He/him, nonhuman

Joe Voorhees-He/him, modified human

Richmond Harrison-He/him, nonhuman

Hobbs Cain-He/him, nonhuman

Ortiz Morse-He/him, modified human

Oliver Notarobot-He/they, nonhuman

Current Lineup: 15 players (previously listed players in bold)

Eugenia Garbage

Ziwa Mueller-They/them, nonhuman

Cedric Spliff-He/him, human

Commissioner Vapor-They/them, nonhuman

Jesús Koch

Beans McBlase-She/her, human

Alston Cervesa-He/him, human

Lachlan Shelton-He/him, human

Fish Summer-They/them, nonhuman

York Silk-He/him, human

Polkadot Patterson-They/them, human (sometimes modified human post squidish-ing, but for my own sanity, human)

Greer Lott

Jenkins Good

Beasley Gloom-He/him, nonhuman

Mooney Doctor

Incinerations: 7 players (previously listed players in bold)

Trevino Merritt

Kennedy Alstott 

Tyler Violet

Elijah Bates

Kiki Familia-She/they, nonhuman

Antonio Wallace-They/them, nonhuman

Workman Gloom-They/them, human

Feedback Swaps: 9 players (previously listed players in bold)

Joe Voorhees

Richmond Harrison

Lachlan Shelton

Hobbs Cain

Quack Enjoyable-They/he, nonhuman

Eugenia Garbage

Simon Hayley-Any, nonhuman

Ortiz Morse

Jaylen Hotdogfingers-She/her, human

Blessings/Trades: 1 player (previously listed players in bold)

Oliver Notarobot

Gender Demographics

Current Lineup: 15 players total

He/him-6, or 40%

1 player, Jesús Koch, also uses they/them pronouns

She/her-4, or about 26%

3 players, Mooney Doctor, Greet Lott, and Eugenia Garbage, also use they/them or that/that pronouns

Neutral (they/them), no, neopronouns, or any-5, or about 33%

1 player, Greer Lott, uses neopronouns (that/that) but was previously accounted for

Past and Present Moist Talkers: 30 players total

He/him-13, or about 43%

3 players, Jesús Koch, Oliver Notarobot, and Quack Enjoyable, also use they/them pronouns

She/her-7, or about 23%

5 players, Eugenia Garbage, Greer Lott, Moony Doctor, Tyler Violet, and Kiki Familia also use they or that pronouns 

Neutral (they/them), no, neopronouns, or any-10, or about 33%

9 of these players use exclusively they/them pronouns

1 player, Simon Hayley, uses any pronouns

1 player, Greet Lott, uses neopronouns (that/that) but she was previously accounted for

No players do not use pronouns

Human Demographics

Current Lineup: 15 players total

Human-8, or about 53%

5 of these players use he/him, or 62.5% of human players

2 of these players use she/her, or 25% of human players. Mooney Doctor also uses they/them.

1 of these players uses they/them, or 12.5% of human players

Modified human-2, or 25%

1 of these players uses he/him pronouns, Jesús Koch. He also uses they/them pronouns. Ths comes out to 50%.

1 of these players uses they/them pronouns, or 50% of modified human players

Nonhuman-6, or 62.5%

1 of these players uses he/him, or about 16.6% of nonhuman players

2 of these players use she/her. Both players also use either they/them or that/that. This comes out to about 33.3% of nonhuman players

3 of these players use they/them, or 50% of nonhuman players

Past and Present Moist Talkers: 30 players total

Human-11, or about 36.6%

4 of these players use he/him, or about 36.3% of human players

3 of these players use she/her pronouns. Of these players, 1, Mooney Doctor, also uses they/them. This comes out to about 27.2% of human players.

4 of these players use they/them pronouns, or about 36.3% of human players

Modified human-4, or about 13.3%

3 of these players use he/him. Of these players, 1, Jesús Koch, also uses they/them. This comes out to 75% of modified human players.

1 of these players uses they/them, or 25% of modified human players

Nonhuman-15, or 50%

6 of these players use he/him. Of these players, 2, Quack Enjoyable and Oliver Notarobot use they/them as well. This comes out to 40% of nonhuman players.

4 of these players use she/her pronouns. All of these players also use they/them or that/that pronouns as well. This comes out to about 26.6% of nonhuman players

4 of these players use they/them pronouns, or about 26.6% of nonhuman players

1 of these players, Simon Hayley, uses any pronouns, or about 6.6% of nonhuman players

So I am not super involved in Moist Talkers culture or lore development. I’m not in the discord, I’m not a fan on the website, I only know as much as I know about the Moist Talkers because all of my Blaseball friends are MT fans and I follow a lot of MT fans, and you all did good at getting me attached to your characters through the wiki. Because of all this, I’m not going to make a ton of commentary on what you should do with this information, or how you should take all this. I’ll just sum up the data I have. Throughout the Moist Talkers’ time as a Blaseball team, half of your players have been nonhuman, and most of those nonhuman players have used he/him. The nonhuman characters also have a pretty varied dynamic, lots of different types of not humans, but a lot of them have fish/ocean qualities. That fish thing is also why I was hesitant to include Polkadot Patterson in the human category, as I sometimes see their squiddish modifier give them some nonhuman flavoring. Generally, the Moist Talkers do a lot of fish and ocean stuff. Gender wise, most of your players have also used he/him, but you also have had a pretty good number of gnc players in your time as a team. Generally, you are kind of lacking in the she/her character department, though not she/her using humans as much as modified humans or even nonhumans. You also don’t have many neopronoun or any pronouns using players (only one of your players falls into each of these categories. Greer Lott uses she/that and Simon Hayley uses any). Take all this info as you will, incorporate it into your future character and world building, or don’t I’m not gonna get too into it simply because I’m not “technically” a MT fan.

[theunsubtleknife]

Without a doubt the best blaseball name is Bonk Jokes, but Beans Mcblase is up there