#beard and brawn

[thelastofthewine]

***

Epic handsome scrummy dude - JMT

Source: IG

.

[djavanadon]

More beefy dudes 🥩

[coachbeards]

save me, canonical athlete beard, save me

[sunbeargames]

Strongly considering writing a small dwarf-themed ttrpg where your four core stats are Brains, Brawn, Belly, and Beard

[octuscle]

hey, im writing because I need your help. I’m 21 years old and I’m addicted to muscle. I look at the guys at my gym and I’m so jealous, I want to be as big and muscular as them. I’ve been working out for a year but I’m feeling stuck. Would you help me be a huge horny bodybuilder dumb with a beautiful beard?

Dude, it's almost the weekend. I totally understand you. What better way to be a muscular fellow than to hit the clubs after a good workout, have fun with your pals and nail some weaklings in the restrooms. But seriously, Broski: you don't think you're big and muscular enough yet? You're already compromising the whole gym. Man, what I wouldn't give to already have a body like that at your age.

You don't know da word "compromise". Fuck, I forgot you traded brains for brawn. So in simple words: dude, all weaklings against you in da gym! you are da alpha. Enjoy it!

Best account to find pictures of beefcakes like you is @truevikingblood-blog

[mascbeefsworld]

Beards and brawn

[iamafanofcartoons]

How come Rooster Teeth's other shows do not get as much hate as RWBY does?

There are SEVEN Reasons why RWBY gets all this hate.

Hbomberguy lying. Prior to Hbomberguy's hate video? RWBY videos were ranking in tens and hundreds of thousands of views. Videos were mostly accurate. Then Hbomberguy made a 3-hour hate video that could be debunked with 5-10 minutes of google search. Everyone began hating RWBY because the bald neck-bearded man who made hate videos encouraged people to hate the writers and the show by spreading misinformation. And the people who did do the google searches were drowned out by mob mentality of ignorance, the mob ignorance that is hbomberguy's audience. And so that misinformation spread like wildfire. And from his hate video, others were inspired. MangaKamen was the next, who kept screaming that he was a victim of the RWBY Fandom and encouraged people to pay him to make anti-rwby hate videos in which he made his BS. As a result, anti-rwby videos swarmed youtube, drowning out the positivity. And hatred grows on Youtube and Twitter. And you don't want to wade through several tons of hate videos just to reach a good RWBY Video or channel. So Hbomberguy created an atmosphere of hate that drowns out positivity.

2. Money Hatred is a popular business. Just ask the various hate groups funded by JK Rowling's video game Hogwarts Legacy. Ask the GOP who fleece their constituents for money. Ask the youtubers who make hate video after video, not only pulling in youtube ad revenue, but also promoting a patreon so that their followers can pay them to hate further. Judgmental Critter has been called out by many for using RWBY over all her "other content" in making money. type in RWBY without using a channel blocker extension on your phone or youtube browser. All you'll see is that hate. Celtic Phoenix demanded money to make a fixit fanfic in which he promotes the patriarchy and toxic masculinity. Hate, lies money....all created through hating on RWBY.

3. Misogyny You knew this would be brought up. I will die on the hill that the reason so many neckbeards hate RWBY is because: It took a very fanservice concept (girls fighting monsters) and gave them stories, personalities, development, and Bechdel-passing relationships, while it took two male power fantasies (gritty edgelord who uses prolific violence and morally grey actions to pursue a noble goal, and tactical mastermind who makes difficult sacrifices for The Mission) and made them failures. It gave women the roles typically held by men. It eliminated mansplaining and made MEN, instead of women, the target of "Reason why you suck" speeches. It made women equal to men in brains and brawn. It took toxic masculinity and shat on it. Many men and women who defend the patriarchy and spit at feminism were furious at RWBY being a genuinely feminist show. So much so, they spread lies and attacked the writers and VAs. Vexed Viewer harassed Barbara Dunkelman. TheFloofArtist harassed both Barbara Dunkelman AND Arryn Zech, by spamming gore and snuff fanart towards the VAs. Judgmental Critter harassed Arryn Troche. Fatman Falling stalked and harassed a girl who talked on Twitter about liking RWBY. Hbomberguy repeatedly harassed miles and kerry. EruptionFang publicly lied and said that Miles and Kerry were bullied by fans into providing "crotch snot". Four female protagonists. The men are just side characters to serve the women's roles. When people say that their "fanfiction is better than the show" You won't see female protagonists by themselves. No, you'll see them as arm candy to a white male savior protagonist who tells women that they suck and saves the day with the power of toxic masculinity while straightwashing every woman in sight. White Male OCs....doesn't quite work well in the later volumes, which is why many people hate the post-beacon era, because the non-school setting focuses on women and takes away chances for the white straight male self-insert.

4. Being an asshole/Victim Complex For RWBY Haters, the ability to lie, hate, harm, and all the while claim they are victims. It brings out the worst in people online. The horrible pleasure people take in destroying what a small company has worked so hard to make. The desire to rant and complain and insult a show and its fandom while calling yourself a fan as some sort of shield to defend oneself from being called a hater in the same breath as telling people to stop watching RWBY or saying"rwby bad". The insistence that you cannot enjoy a show unless you tear it apart and refuse to give a fair respectful positive take. Look on youtube comments and you will see RWBY Critics harassing RWBY Fans. Look on Twitter, and see men and women attacking the animators and writers. Now putting words in dead man's mouth is nothing new, just ask GOP. But the RWBY Haters deify Monty because Hbomberguy used said dead man, who Hbomb insulted while alive, in order to be awful. That's why rwby haters use the word "toxic positivity". They want to make it seem that their victims are the evil ones, to silence them from speaking up. Its why "Valid criticism" is BS. Its an excuse used to spread hatred and call that hatred "criticism". MangaKamen makes yearly videos insulting RWBY. ONE PERSON insulted him...ONE. He screamed bloody murder and accused the entire fandom. The word "toxic positivity" means that anyone defending RWBY is unable to take criticism, and that anyone speaking up is toxic. While "valid criticism" means that the worst lies against RWBY and the fandom can be seen as legitimate, which again allows people to be their worst selves. Men and women alike have the power to be this inhumane. Worst part is that you don't even have to be conservative to be this evil. Vexed Viewer harassed Barbara Dunkelman. TheFloofArtist harassed both Barbara Dunkelman AND Arryn Zech, by spamming gore and snuff fanart towards the VAs. Judgmental Critter harassed Arryn Troche. Fatman Falling stalked and harassed a girl who talked on Twitter about liking RWBY. Have you noticed how much RWDE and R/RWBYCritics love to be "holier than thou" with their attitudes and act as if they are "saving others from RWBY" and its fandom?

5. Homophobia. Bumbleby is basically Korrasami but better. It introduces the interest in each other sooner. It has the women talk to each other and support each other. Both the writers and animators and even Voice Actresses all support Bumbleby. Its completely opposite from ATLA where the VAs supported the toxic ship that is Zutara. But? Two women can spend entire seasons together, people will call them "just friends" but a man expresses interest in a woman and talks to her for several minutes? "Its true love". Even better, Coeur Al Aran, who admits to never watching RWBY and makes fixit fanfics that replace women with men as protags and straightwashes everything? He saw adam cut off yang's arm, and decided to make an adam fanfic where adam sleeps with yang and blake is abusive to adam. The hatred of adam and jaune fanfic writers towards bumbleby is so toxic, those who write jaunexteam rwby or adam fanfics have mostly been found to be homophobic/misogynistic. Despite all of Yang and Blake's interactions, people insist that Sun is "entiteld" to Blake, and that Yang and Blake's relationship came out of nowhere...or is "woke and pandering". Also, if you've seen that hentai artists on twitter LOVE to make fanart of a male self-insert with lesbians.... Its a sick fetish of theirs, and its not just RWBY that suffers this, but Honkai Star Rail suffered that from HimeHingHoi or some artist who drew a white male self-insert knocking up two lesbians.

6. Headcanons- "Your show isn't doing what I imagined it to be doing, and since its not doing what I think its supposed to be doing, that makes it bad" Adam introduced trying to kill civilians in the black trailer and in season 2 tells Cinder that he will persuade the White Fang to keep dying for her cause. People are angry that in V3 he is an irredeemable mass murdering psycho. Ironwood introduced as a man who merges huntsmen system into his own private army, gets ozpin fired by going behind oz's back, and weaponizes the human soul into an android that he uses the vytal festival to test. And despite having two seats of power, does nothing to help others. People furious that he became a paranoid dictator. Ruby and Yang: Introduced as sisters, confirmed as half-sisters by monty. We see that Taiyang is the father of both. QrowxSummer shippers: Livid that the writers repeatedly state that Qrow is not and never will be Ruby's father, and so they pretend to be illiterate and not able to tell the difference between step-sisters and half-sisters because they're so delusionally obsessed that the writers should lie to them for a garbage theory and ship. Just because somebody watches the show, doesn't mean that the writers should do what they demand of them. Blacksun shippers love to claim that the writers were bullied into Bumbleby, but said writers and VAs said Bumbleby was planned from the start. RWBY Critics were bloodthirsty when Barbara basically put blacksun and jaunexblake and jaunexyang headcanons 6 feet under into the grave. Just because the show doesn't do what you think it should? Does not mean its bad. So many haters are ridiculously self-entitled.

7. Corruption and Revision- "I fell in love with what RWBY Could Have Been" People didn't want a show about female lgbt protagonists. They wanted a show where they can fetishize women being damsels in distress needing a straight white male character to guide them. RWBY gives a giant middle finger to the straight white male protagonist and to the patriarchy and to straight-shipping. So when they say "the fanfiction is better" or they promote a rewrite, or they say "the porn is better"... it all comes down to their straight white male OCs... it comes down to their revenge fantasies against female characters (one loser made a wrestler OC comic where his Male OC beat up women)... It comes down to their fixit-fanfics that put men on a pedestal and put women under the bootheel of the men they glorify. Their idea of "wasted potential" or "ruined potential" involves tearing apart what makes RWBY great, and remaking it in their sick twisted image. Just look to the GOP for real life example, or Galactic Empire for fictional example.

And here you have your answer. The Seven Reasons RWBY Haters exist.

Edit: Just had a chat with a nice lady on Reddit, and she gave me another way of thinking about things.

"Media that's come out of patriarchal societies (so, the overwhelming majority of all media) tends centers the perspective of males by default. Ditto cisheteronormativy, ethonationalism, ableism, etc., resulting in predominantly cisgender heterosexual neurotypical protagonists belonging to the ethnic majority.

And if you grow up as a cis straight white boy in America, you don't even notice.

And if you grow up as anyone else, then your options are either to learn how to empathize with characters who don't look like you, or, to pass on this whole "Media" thing altogether.

So while I can sit through 5 seasons of Better Call Saul and still call it some of the best television I've ever seen, a man who's never learned how to empathize with characters from backgrounds different from his own can't even approach something like She-Ra.

It's incredibly noticeable when boys- for instance- refuse to play TLOU2 after the inciting incident, or people angry at those who think Persona games should bring back female player characters.

The way forward is more representation, all the time, forever. And you can tell a lot about a person by how much the preceding sentence contorted their face into a contempting scowl"

[gattnk]

Rector Cassidy and Rector Kubral will do what they must. They'll soldier on to the end.

I'm currently working on the redesigns for the Golden School staff; normally I would've started with Arkan and Temptel, but believe it or not Cassidy and Kubral were my first redesigns for this project! Yes, they precede even Raf and Sulfus in my sketchbook. I like to start with villains first when designing casts, since they tend to give me more wiggle room to be creative: this way I get to set the bar for the rest of the project, and I can make my heroes just as visually interesting. Here's my usual notes on the process:

The first step was understanding the characters and their motivations. Once I had their personalities and roles established, I could work on their appearance. I decided Kubral would embody brutality, and Cassidy, fear.

The themes stem from their origins: war is forever linked to brutality and fear as both causes and effects, so it makes sense that two generals personify them, since they too are both products and promulgators of war.

Kubral was easy enough to figure out. Heavy-looking square shapes, towering height accentuated by even taller horns, meaty claws that could snap you like a twig... As a whole, Kubral was based on gothic grotesques. I was also particularly inspired by Goliath from Disney's Gargoyles (his wings folding behind him like a cape is peak character design I tell you). All in all I simplified his original design to his most iconic features, with the addition of a forked beard as a symbol of power and authority.

Cassidy's design had to be much more subtle: fear is a thing that creeps on you, it catches you off-guard and overpowers you. My use of lean curves with sudden sharp angles is meant to represent just that. I included an eye motif to evoke an ever-present state of vigilance and paranoia; the eyes are also a callback to prophetic descriptions of angels, since I was very inspired by medieval stained glass at the time. This is the closest thing to a religious reference you'll get from me here!

I established early on in my creative process that, as angels and devils age, they gain new physical traits. Cassidy's carved halo and double pair of wings are a sign of her age and power. In Kubral's case, there's his tail and enlarged horns, wings and claws.

Cassidy's colors are derived from Raf's: blue, gold and white, sans the touch of red. The only "red" in Cassidy's color scheme is her faded ginger hair (no matter how much time passes, the enemy is still in her head). Her gloves and dark blue shirt underneath her white jacket symbolize her veiled intentions, and her shoes, the same shade as her shirt, represent the dark path she threads.

Kubral's hues are all shades of red (except for his hair, same principle as Cassidy's). This includes his eyes; you could say he "sees red" all the time. He's a straightforward character, so he doesn't conceal his old medals, his general rank proudly displayed on his chest. Still, Kubral is not just brawns, his cruelty motivates his more scheming side. He keeps an ace on his sleeve, or more accurately, his pocket: the tip of his tail is always hidden on his right side, so he may strike his enemies on their left with it.

Phew! If you think I overthink my character designs sometimes, you should see my scene notes regarding architecture lol. Still, I'm proud of my process with these two! For now they've only briefly appeared in my rewrite fic I'll Fly With You, but they'll get their moment to shine soon enough. Their plans will be certainly different from Season 2, so there's that to look forward to!

[mario-so]

Bearded brawn.

[thelastofthewine]

***

Epic stud - JMT

Source: IG

.

[boneandfur]

Choices Flash Fic! DarkFic; Tobias x F!MC

Angels in Hell

@choicesflashfics #36. Uses prompt #2, "You’re allowed to fall apart a little."

A/N: I started writing this before I thought to grab a prompt, and it went to dark places. It was supplied to be a Harper x Ethan, but F!MC started talking... That's it. This fic is dark and I'm not sure why it came out, since it seems like the first chapter rather than a one shot. // Words: 1150 // Pairing: light f!mc x Tobias, acor MC x Antony (implied) // implied age gap relationship.

I always knew I'd end up working for the Outfit, from the time Uncle Tony caught me with a plastic stethoscope in my hands, to the day that Uncle Sam signed my soul over to the combat medical corps.

We need good people... like you, Chiara. You're the brains and Sy is the brawn. There will always be a place for the both of youse in the Outfit.

Is that because of Mama? I asked as I stood in front of Uncle Tony's desk and watched him swallow his grief along with his Campari, gold rings glittering. The shadow of two days beard was heavy on his jaw, and I yearned to reach out, to touch him, but instead crumpled the acceptance letter to Edenbrook in my pocket into a smaller and smaller ball, trying to keep my breathing steady as I watched him, the hero of my girlhood, the master of us all.

He set the glass down on his desk, the sound of it like the funeral bells that had gonged as the hearse pulled away from the cathedral steps in Little Italy, and I felt my throat tighten too. I swallowed my grief with my wine, clinking his glass in a toast. To her, then. I would always live in her shadow, until I could prove my worth.

Uncle Tony's eyes glistened wetly. Arin was a good woman. Bellissima... my tiger. You remind me of her, Princess. That blonde hair, and those eyes... Dio in paradiso, but she was a hurricane. And you are her very image...

Even though he'd married Octavia, I knew Mama had been the love of his life. Uncle Tony would have died for her, and nearly did. That was why I gave him my pledge of loyalty, right there in that room. A pledge for love, the kind that lasts beyond the grave.

And when I returned, I was no longer Chiara Valentine, Arin Valentine's little princess, but Chiara Valentine, combat medic and fast tracked through medical school due to all the strings pulled by Uncle Tony. It wasn't that I couldn't have done it on my own recognizance, but time was a luxury we didn't have after Doc Claudius had gotten his brains blown out by the Family, out in Drakovia. And Sy was in the clink. Again. For stealing cars from some gang in LA, connected to the Yakuza.

The Campari on the desk turned into the Negroni at the bar, and I was staring up into the golden eyes of my boss's and biggest mistake's biggest rival, the one and only Dr Tobias Carrick.

"Valentine." His upper lip curled, and I itched to smack the smugness right off his face, but I'd probably break a nail. After all, I was the Brains. I'd never fought anyone closer than fifty paces in my life, and we'd been in a tank. "Am I really that ugly, little princess, or do you scowl like that at all the plebs?"

If it were up to me, men like him would be six feet under, but I'd promised to hold my peace on mob soil, and the last thing Uncle Tony needed was a war with the Irish. Not that he'd do it for my sake -- it had been Mama who held his heart, and always would. So when I opened my mouth, what came out next surprised me. "I lost ... I lost someone. Today... it's the anniversary of her death."

"Bartender!" Tobias waved down the hipster serving white claw spritzers to the masses. "Get us a bottle of -- what's your poison, princess?"

"Limoncello." I didn't have to hesitate when the bartender slid the bottle down, and poured us two, on the rocks.

He prepared to knock back the entire glass when I caught him on the sleeve, for a moment looking thrown off his game, like he'd never seen a woman before. "Whoa there, Princess."

"Do you know what they say, Dr Carrick? They say that only the dead have seen the end of war. That's Plato. And don't call me princess." That's Antony's name for me.

"You’re allowed to fall apart a little." He touched my cheek gently, and it was only then that I realized I was crying. "Was it... a patient?"

What could I tell him? Of Afghanistan, and the starless desert skies that seemed to reach into the abyss, or of that single moment when my life changed forever? Or of how my life now seemed laid out before me in a single straight line with only a few stops along the way, Chicago to Afghanistan, to Boston and soon, soon, sooner than anyone could ever know, back again.

A pledge for love, the kind that lasts beyond the grave.

"She's been dead a long time." I wiped my cheek angrily with my sleeve, streaks of mascara coming away on it. "My mother. She died, and no one ever figured out what it was that killed her. That's why I'm here, really." I had never admitted the truth out loud before, to anyone.

Antony had come to find me at the barracks. I'd been barely eighteen, and one year in the army already. We'd drunk Limoncello til midnight, Arin Valentine's favorite drink, and we'd held one another and wept. In the morning, he'd left me with blood still drying on the sheets and an ache in my heart that no amount of Limoncello would ever ease.

A pledge for loyalty, until I stepped out of her shadow and proved my worth.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Tobias rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw and held out a hand. "We can just walk, Chiara. You look like you need some air. I won't talk about old business tonight, and it's not a trick, I... I promise."

I took his hand, Dio in paradiso, heaven and hell. Eyes as gold as the sunless desert sands. "You can talk about it all you want, Tobias." I don't care if we win, after all, a snap of the fingers, a pouch filled with thirty pieces of silver, a handshake in a back room, that grant will end up lining the pockets of Edenbrook instead of Mass Kenmore, whether Tobias Carrick likes it or not.

I'll be going back to the Outfit, my mother's daughter, back to Antony. For I owe so much more to him than blood. Life and loyalty, and a love that never dies.

"Valentine?" Tobias waited by the door, jacket thrown over one shoulder, looking at me with a troubled question in his eyes. If I slid off the stool now, I'd have to make that choice. I'd have to face the truth about what drove me to this place, to Boston, to Edenbrook, and to stare at my own reflection in a glass of Limoncello as I counted the stars like the drops of blood in a vein, all the way down the bloody years.

Blood on my hands, blood on the sheets, washed clean by my tears.

Demoni in paradiso, angeli all'inferno.

Only the dead have seen the end of war.

[jolieblack]

Jolie’s thoughts on

The Blue Carbuncle (Sherlock & Co. podcast)

Another definite, definite favourite episode of a generally brilliant show.

A Christmas classic, of course, and I love how they pulled out the stops in that respect. Sherlock & John not just spending Christmas together, but celebrating it together? So sweet. (Check out this wonderful fanart of the Christmas lights by @under-loch-n-key .)

So much to love in this episode:

Sherlock having extremely specific ideas about how Christmas should be done - and they were going to leave him alone for it? MY HEART 😭

Sherlock and John complimenting each other on the apprehension of Henry Baker, with Sherlock providing the brain and John providing the brawn, EXACTLY how it should be. Seriously, how compatible can two people be? (Check out this hilarious fanart by @paperleef )

Bonus: Sherlock being worried that John hurt his shoulder.

Sherlock rhapsodising about the attractiveness of a free range body as opposed to the repulsiveness of a body raised in captivity - I‘m trying so hard not to read anything… meta into that.

"Go oil your beard, idiot." 😂

Sherlock and John getting terribly domestic right in the middle of a case (Christmas shopping in the farm shop).

The writer casually throwing in these direct ACD quotes at the most unexpected moments.

Oh and Sherlock being a total show off ("But you knew that, Mr Cavalieri, did you not?") and then insisting that he’s not doing it for the listeners. We all know who you’re really doing it for, darling…

Recognising Baker’s football merch & "No shit, Sherlock!" - Yay, John Watson basically solves the whole effing case!

Customised ear defenders. Awww.

John going ballistic on the annoying street musician.

Pure perfection, this one.

[darthvaderofmiddle-earth]

I've officially concluded that I am the love child of Gimli and Legolas. I am a Dwelf. I have the build of a Dwelf. I can grow a beard, but not as glorious as a Dwarf. My hair is that of an Elf, long and braided, and I never cut it. I have the inherent strength, and brawn, of a Dwarf, fighting with an axe and shield. And, like both of them, I am SUPER gay.

[wolfsclothing6]

Older and more open? Then I’m thinking you want to be a proper masculine man, right? I’m not saying you aren’t presently, but clearly you want to be more. I think we might have just the thing for you, but you’ll need to sign this form. Sign here… sign there… and I’ll need your initials there.

Great! Follow me!

Men often come here seeking some form of masculinity, but what is really interesting are the variety of ways that they seek it out though. Some try to find it through good, old-fashioned brawn. Others try their luck at the progression of age, perhaps seeking the wisdom it brings. For you though, I have a very special suggestion.

I’ve always found that the truest sign of a man is his work ethic. They don’t necessarily have to be industrious, but they have to be willing to do the hard parts of life. They have to do the things that no one else wants to do, and to do that any good man requires a good pair of gloves.

I know it seems a tad odd, but you should try them on before you knock them. A lot of good men wear gloves. It was a requirement for the good gents of the olden days, and the masculine blue collared workers of today still were them. Go on! Try them on!

Pretty good, right? Yes, they do tend to move on there own. I suggest you don’t struggle. You’ll just tire yourself out. I grant you that it is a tad counter intuitive to gain masculinity by loosing the freedom of your hands, but think of it as the gloves are lending you their masculinity. Trust me when I say that they fix you up nice and right.

Firstly, they’ll remove your clothes. They are of your old life and not worth the hassle to bring with you into the knew one. It seems they’ve taken a liking to you shirt and underpants though, but if I know the gloves at all, they will change them a tad. Yep! Now you have a good leather harness and jockstrap. They all match so well!

Now just let the gloves feel out your body. Why? Well, watch them stroke your arms. They’re getting nice and bulky now, aren’t they? Now they’re onto your pecs, and your legs, and you belly. Of course they’ll take less time on the belly. A real man has a little heft over those pretty boy six packs underwear models always have.

Finally we’re left with the head and beard. Yeah, the scalp will just be dusted bald at this point. It gives you more of an aged gruff look. Besides, real men are able to pull off anything! Don’t worry too much anyway. It’s all going to you chin anyway, though it might be a tad grayer for wear.

Do you feel good? Well, you should! Actually, you will whether you like it or not. The gloves will see to that. Soon you’ll be a big, proper daddy bear getting off and spreading more seed than a hyperactive corn farmer, and no matter how hard it is sometimes, you’ll love every second of it! Enjoy!

Oh, and by the way, thanks for the compliment on our work.

[octuscle]

I follow this guy on twitter and hes a total package, muscles, sexy, an engineer. Its just not fair. Do you think you could dumb him down to balance things out for the rest of us?

Well, I don't think you'd mind if we swapped a bit of brains for brawn with your crush, would you? I mean, more muscle is always a good thing.

The first tweet of the day from him comments on a decision to demolish a post-war building and replace it with historicizing architecture. There really aren't many things you could care less about. Houses should protect you from rain, cold and heat. And inside there should be electricity and stable internet. What do you care about the rest of the shit?

Your crush is sitting in a café, reading the feature section of the New York Times and getting worked up about modern urban planning. Maybe it's better to read something more relaxing. He's looking for the sports section. Shit, the sports section of the New York Times is also just a feature section with other content. He pulls out his cell phone and studies the results of the latest NHL games. His other hand lands in his lap and he scratches his balls.

He looks at the construction site and has to go back to the office. He has forgotten his wellies. His Tesla whirs through the city into the underground parking garage. In the elevator, he sends a tweet about the last Florida Panthers game. He greets the receptionist with a "Good morning, babe!". She looks after him in astonishment.

Before he picks up his boots in his office, he has to take a piss. His cock is in a urine-yellow jockstrap. He takes it out. His best piece lies heavy in his hand. A colleague stands next to him at the urinal. Your crush stares at his colleague's cock and starts to wank. His colleague asks him if he's totally crazy and takes off! The uncircumcised cock feels so good in his calloused hand. Your crush doesn't need long to cum. He posts a selfie on Insta with the caption "First shot of the day". You don't follow him on Instagram yet. His Instagram account is new.

He takes off his mud-splattered wellies straight away and leaves his stuffy loafers at the office. He gets into the elevator. The other people wrinkle their noses a little. Yes, he hasn't showered this morning. But he's been on the building site all day. As he gets into his van in the underground parking garage, he checks his reflection in the rear-view mirror. Yes, his hair is a bit greasy. But nobody will notice it under his helmet afterwards. And nobody cares anyway.

Shit, he doesn't know what it is, but the first thing he has to do on the construction site is go to the porta-potty. Damn, the chili from last night is coming back. Phew, the poor sod who has to visit the loo after him. But the stench somehow makes him horny. A short time later, he posts his next selfie "Second shot of the day". Cool picture, the beard looks really good!

Finally on the building site. If he has to go to the office, it's a punishment for him. Tailcoat wearer and smartass… Has to do the work indoors. On the building site, a man is a man. Here you can fart, burp, wank and fuck. And check out dates for the evening.

I wish you every success in wooing the cock-driven airhead. I admit, cock and body are worth all the effort.

[pearlsoflongago]

Of Plum Pudding and Other Pleasures

Flour of England, Fruit of Spain Met together In a shower of rain, Put in a bag Tied round with a string; If you tell me this riddle I’ll give you a ring.

—traditional English riddle

Mrs. Cratchit’s Christmas Pudding

But now, the plates being changed by Miss Belinda, Mrs. Cratchit left the room alone—too nervous to bear witnesses—to take the pudding up and bring it in.

Suppose it should not be done enough! Suppose it should break in turning out! Suppose somebody should have got over the wall of the back-yard, and stolen it, while they were merry with the goose—a supposition at which the two young Cratchits became livid! All sorts of horrors were supposed.

Hallo! A great deal of steam! The pudding was out of the copper. A smell like a washing-day! That was the cloth. A smell like an eating-house and a pastrycook’s next door to each other, with a laundress’s next door to that! That was the pudding! In half a minute Mrs. Cratchit entered—flushed, but smiling proudly—with the pudding, like a speckled cannon-ball, so hard and firm, blazing in half of half-a-quartern of ignited brandy, and bedight with Christmas holly stuck into the top.

—from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

An Old Christmas Fire

On one side was a table occupied by some chattering girls, cutting up silk and gold paper; and on the other were tressels and trays, bending under the weight of brawn and cold pies, where riotous boys were holding high revel; the whole completed by a roaring Christmas fire, which seemed determined to be heard, in spite of all the noise of the others. Charles and Mary also came in, of course, during their visit, and Mr Musgrove made a point of paying his respects to Lady Russell, and sat down close to her for ten minutes, talking with a very raised voice, but from the clamour of the children on his knees, generally in vain. It was a fine family-piece.

Anne, judging from her own temperament, would have deemed such a domestic hurricane a bad restorative of the nerves, which Louisa’s illness must have so greatly shaken. But Mrs Musgrove, who got Anne near her on purpose to thank her most cordially, again and again, for all her attentions to them, concluded a short recapitulation of what she had suffered herself by observing, with a happy glance round the room, that after all she had gone through, nothing was so likely to do her good as a little quiet cheerfulness at home.

—from Persuasion by Jane Austen

Brown Bread Recipe

One cup of sweet milk, One cup of sour, One cup of cornmeal, One cup of flour, Teaspoon of soda, Molasses one cup, Steam for three hours, Then eat it all up.

—traditional American

Winter

A wrinkled crabbed man they picture thee, Old Winter, with a rugged beard as grey As the long moss upon the apple-tree; Blue-lipt, an icedrop at thy sharp blue nose, Close muffled up, and on thy dreary way Plodding alone through sleet and drifting snows. They should have drawn thee by the high-heapt hearth, Old Winter! seated in thy great armed chair, Watching the children at their Christmas mirth; Or circled by them as thy lips declare Some merry jest, or tale of murder dire, Or troubled spirit that disturbs the night, Pausing at times to rouse the mouldering fire, Or taste the old October brown and bright.

—Robert Southey