#because from what i saw on the lyrics.... its gonna be my new personality

[lifemod17]

it is disgustingly late and i cannot sleep so i SHOULD be grumpy, HOWEVER, having Wasteland, Baby! and Be (Acoustic) playing back to back has me smiling stupidly and its doing a wonderful job of lulling me to slumber 😌

[kellykswift]

so guys. its time for a new manifestation - Vienna n3!

since Robin worked amazing last time… i decided to make more daisy hats. there will be around 3-4 this time

so…..Taylory if you see those hats, Vienna, n3…

I beg you to play Florida!!!

its for my girlfriend. the most supportive non taylor fan and best person ever.

let me present my points why she deserves to hear florida!!!

1. she went with me from europe to the US last year to see taylor because i couldn’t stand the fact not knowing if there will be an european leg

2. during all too well, she stood up, bought us beer and merch!!! she giggled about it because apparently she was alone in the hallway😂

3. i decided to collect vinyls (well only taylor’s so far) she bought a nice shelf

4. i was fucking obsessed with the pirelli calender where karlie was part of. when i got it, she picked a really nice spot and we discussed the estethics

5. her favorite song is lavender haze, the felix jaen version, but she always makes sure whenever i feel bad to put on a REP song.

6. she made a shirt for the show. but daddy i love her. at my bday party (taylor themed) she took the red shirt and made it something like: never let her go. i didnt ask her to do it

7. when its my turn to chose a movie, she asks: reputation, miss americana, lover in paris or the one on Disney wirh jack (she loves bleachers). but not the eras tour(since i livestream a lot) and i always have to promise to not get crazy while watching 😂

8. we went to tomorrowland and she made a friendship bracelet for me because she knew that i ll miss the surprise songs those days.

9. when we met, she wanted to give me taylor tickets to rep for our anniversary. (She had no clue, how hard it is to get those. )

But the point is. she listened to me from the beginning. and i know that florida!!! will be her no1 spotify song because that’s basically the only song she not only knows the lyrics but actually sings them. (she knows all of them, thanks to me but she is not into country taylor unfortunately .)

what i am trying to say here. i am a selfish bitch most of the time but i would like to see my girlfriend freaking out over one of Taylors songs. so pls taylor. i know we cant get her florence to vienna for a duett but pleaseplay florida!!! vienna night3! its a saturday.

so….

happy wife happy life. please play florida!!! for vienna n3 .

thanks!

[jessicashome]

thoughts after tbosas movie (severe waffling!! with spoilers)

FIRST OF ALL!!!! ik like being british vs american (panem was north america) has some pronounciation differences but ive been saying their names so differently!!!! like ive been using soft As for the Anus brothers but its actually Anus so thats crazy.

next its very different to how i imagined, obviously they cut out so much (which is making me Need to read the og hunger games) but without coryos constant dialogue, i think more people are gonna fall into sympathising with him.

everything was also just so much more larger, like in my head the snake tank was as big as a fish tank not like all the snakes she was gonna drop into the games. the arena was sorta smaller than i imagined. the beam that i pictured lamina on was metal not concrete/stone. marcus :((( obvs the watches changed to screens. the origin of rat poison is different.

THE PRONOUNCIAtion OF TIGRIS!!!! and grandmaam was so much kinder than how i imagined.

i sort of wish we saw coryos inner dialogue because i feel like its a bit confusing to new people without it.

also like why r they dealing with jabber jays (dr gaul does make a brief mention but that was such a small detail thats so easy to miss).

for me seeing it as a movie solidified how evil he is because how could he do nothing seeing sejanus up there like😭. VISUALLY seeing him have a STRAIGHT face during that was heartwrenching.

from the book, i thought casca was actually so weird for having such a grudge against him but i see why now. not exactly justified but given the way he is bringing more 'life' to the games when casca's actively trying to kill them is understandable. THE WAY SNOW KILLED HIM??? crazyyy. Snow Lands On Top

hunter schafer ATE!!!!! like the "you look just like your father" omgg after she told him that she always saw hate in his eyes. shes so good. also from what i remember in the book he didnt even like his father why does he want to be like him in the movie😭😭 wish we saw his love for his mother a bit more

the way lucy's footsteps disappear LIKE BOOK CRUMBS! or like i guess it may have been mentioned in the lyrics of the folk song when she was singing but still so cool.

THE HOBB IS MASSIVE.

aLSO i think the movie goes down the route of snow being veryyy paranoid at the end. because her voice is echoing like it does at the hobb, i doubt her actual voice and singing would sound like that from the jabber jays? so was that actually her or his paranoia making things up?? yes shes actually gone (run off) but never truly gone from his life. the way he thought he shot her😭😭😭

i personally think they did love each other but snow strayed way past that line of good. dr gauls ideologies corrupted him (well like that lie about humans at their core being evil). he had his prejudices from the beginning but there were times he was good. idk he believed he was good when he was helping lucy gray but then he also had his ulterior motives for that so it made it all muddy. he says its for her but also for the money and in the end he chooses money.

anyways coriolanus snow is a bitch!!! a handsome one but still a bitch. bro went "IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY" like what the hell u quite literally had him killed. bitchass man 🖕🖕🖕🖕

[sentientgopro]

Everything in the & 196 Video explained

A good place to start for learning 196 culture and understanding some of the stuff we mention is this video, made upon the end of 196, showcasing some of the biggest moments on the sub. Im gonna explain as many of these as possible. First, the history of 196. My source is a post I loosely remember from the person who made 195.

r/195 was a subreddit created by a few roomates living in apartment no. 195 to allow them to share memes easily and save stuff. They didn't set it to private and were suprised when they saw people starting to join. They decided to screw with them by creating the ONE GOLDEN RULE. You must post before you leave. They decided to do this as an experiment for 420 weeks (If I remember correctly.) Alot of fun was had and alot of 196s culture began here , such as Floppa and fanter. People were upset when the experiment ended, the sub had truly struck gold, so its permanent (or so we thought), sequel was created, 196. Its wortg considering, as what was basically an anarchy sub, why didnt it turn into a racist and himophobic shithole like the other ones? Its obviously dependent on the mods. The mods of most anarchy subs create them because they just want a place where they wont face consequences for saying terrible shit. 195 was different, and was moderated by more reasonable people. this is why 196 became the trans friendly space its known as today. Okay, onto the video.

Love of: The two 196 mascots, Floppa and Spronkus. These 2 will show up alot in this video. Spronkus was created in a meme comparing left and right shitposting, where the right is just a racist caricature and the left is "a popular recognisable cartoon character with a gun thay says trans rights and shoots fascits." It also has a gun thats labelled "this is a gun". Spronkus was, infact, not a recognisable cartoon character, but one created by the artist of the meme. It was named and became a 196 mascot, appearing in our r/place image.

The sun: alot of these images are just memes that did well on this sub and fit the lyrics. they explain themselves, theres no more culture to it, I wont mention them in the list from now on.

Came back again: The pillar wars. 196 had a lengthly battle over an image of different pillar types, where people would argue for their favourite pillar.

To make it clear that: When AI filters were just starting to pick up, someone ran their face through a masculinity filter many, many times, and this was the result.

Shame on a martyr: 197 is a place generally recognised as the place that people who liked 196 but got banned for being an asshole go. So its basically 196 but a little more right leaning.

Either perspective of &: First image of Bridget/ Biscuit/ Brisket/ Bucket. One meme where a guy mispelled bridget (Or was it someone who said one of their relatives kept mispronouncing it? Not really important either way) so it became a running joke of Spelling bridget incorrectly. I imagine this was elsewhere on the internet, not just 196.

Dry: Not sure if this is really a 196 culture thing, but its a common joke on 196 that there is nothing dryer than the pussy of Ben Shapiros wife.

& All the &s that we forgot: 196 was known for having microcelebrities, people that were easily recognisable in comments and people know their name. Most notable is Goblinhog, who became a moderator, but the rapid expansion of microcelebs came with monko74 who became one. Alot of people started signing their posts/ comments in a certain way to make them more recognisable.

Leave if you can't stand the thought of it: Not alot to it, 196 mods made the based decision to ban any and all people using the reddit NFT avatars.

New & Old: The new and old images for the sub. Everytime the image changed, it would replace the old one, they would all still be partially transparent. First was that rabbit, then a globe thing was added. The mods did a random choice of who would get to choose the new sub image for a month, and the winner chose a picture of that guy you can faintly see in the new image. It was changed back to the old image and the guy was added at the end of the month. Spronkus also temporarily became the sub icon, before it was added to the full image.

John & Yoko: A heavily edited version of a comic that was used as a frequent meme template on 196. The original joke is that 2 guys and a girl meet their future selves, and one of the guys is suprised to find his future self as a woman.

They took a lesson from their fathers: Explained by the 196 history at the start

Their lives stuck beside every &: The yoshi and toad kissing tattoo was a like goal thing if I remember correctly, "If I get this many likes Ill do this" and they did it. Either that or it was a goal for the sub itself.

Stop the peace: When 196 was at a perceived low point, and Sprokus was on the rise, people came to the conclusion that 196 just wasn't as Gay as it used to be, and it needed to be fixed.

We digress: There was a post (Dont think it was on 196) of a 4 panel comic thats supposed to be something about women moving on from heartbreak or something but the 4th panel was replaced with an image of a shitting toothpaste. Someone commented to ask for the version without the toothpaste and this comment and post was screenshotted and became popular on 196. When the no toothpaste version was posted, the same person asked for a version with the toothpaste. It was a common joke for a while for people to replace the fourth panels, or other panels, of other comics with the toothpaste. This is an amogus version of it. That should be everything, please reblog if Ive missed stuff.

[isilrina]

Happy Art Monday!

Started at the end of last year, this piece underwent several reworkings and additions until completion due to delays during the holiday season. Originally intended for posting before the year's end, circumstances led to its completion a few days later, marking the new year with another addition to my Andromeda Six fanart collection.

'Close your eyes' portrays a pivotal moment in the relationship between the main character, Jiro, and Vexx from the game Andromeda Six. The two Kitalphan men, Jiro and Vexx were a couple before the treacherous coup shook their bond. Despite the turmoil, Jiro eventually realized Vexx was a victim as much as he was, and their love rekindled amidst the trials faced aboard the Andromeda Six.

While Nat' embodied boldness and Rina exuded emotional depth, Jiro stands as the most gentle and tender of my OCs so far. His tendency to avoid problems in hopes of their disappearance contrasts the harsh reality that he faces.

This artwork captures a crucial scene where the main character is falling, and Vexx rushes to catch him before impending danger. Much like the identifying details in previous drawings (the dog tags of Damon and the tattoos of Bash), Vexx's presence is hinted at through a glimpse of his sleeve.

Inspired by the song "Close your eyes" by Digital Daggers, the title encapsulates the essence of the scene, hinting at a moment of trust, protection, and the deep emotional connection shared between Jiro and Vexx amid life-threatening circumstances.

The heartfelt lyrics resonate with the emotional connection shared between the two men, echoing the theme of resilience and solidarity during turbulent times. The imagery portrays a gripping moment where danger looms, yet their unwavering support for each other shines through, depicting a bond strengthened by adversity.

The profound emotions conveyed in the song's lyrics parallel the essence of this artwork, illustrating not only the depth of their connection but also their determination to overcome challenges together. As the song suggests, it echoes the sentiment that despite the chaos surrounding them, their united strength and trust will guide them through the storm.

(Personal notes: As much as I love those hands, I'm not that fond of the background. I'll probably remake it when I'll have some time and I understand how to do what I want.)

Software used: Clip Studio Paint.

"Close your eyes" by Digital Daggers. (On Youtube)

And now I'm gonna take a few minutes to thanks the people who liked, wrote a comment, followed me or rebloged my art since the end of last year.

So here is a huge shout out and thanks to: @broken-little-bhaal-babe, @valkblue, @p0et-is-my-persona, @who-is-riley, @messydiabolical, @rungalwaysheretolisten, @justabadartistlmao, @rasaltav, @ohsotragical, @feydstan, @rachellaurengray, @dramionefeltson, @storyknitter, @kitschycritter, @notrandomatall, @cityofseraphim, @kad-dala, @h3av3nndh3ll, @nony-pandemia, @phans-aesthetic-adventures, @greenberrytea, @princess-paige-place-of-fun, @umbrellaseason, @hathorik, @blackblooms, @chlorhexidini and @mxsunnybop. Each time I saw I had reached one of you, it had brightened my day, so once again, thank you all.

(Unfortunately there was some people I couldn't tag because tumblr didn't let me, so if you are one of them and you see my post, know it is not intentional and thank you.)

I'll try do this more often, it will be easier next time ^^

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I have no clue if anyone has offered up this song before. (Or if you're still taking them) But Des Rocs - Nothing Personal Reminds me Sorry, Its locked. Specifically how Alex treats Jay. (I hope you see my vision)

Oooooo i haven't heard of this song before. It's fun. I'm definitely still taking songs, i'm always taking songs, i fucking love getting new songs for sorry it's locked lol. its the best way to think about the fic while i can't actually write it for whatever reason.

The way the dude sounds like he's losing his mind as the song progresses is so perfect honestly, because yeah, Alex is slowly losing his mind.

Okay, shitty sleep deprived lyric analysis whoooo. Enjoy lmao, if this makes no sense blame my going to sleep at 4am last night.

I found you sleeping in my coffin Pale white and in your favourite party dress I start to feel a little nauseous Bloody tears, they are falling as I wept

Okay, but like, this whole thing makes it sound like the singer is a vampire, right? Alex feeling like he's undead. He's dead but his body just keeps going.

The first line is like when Alex woke up after he and Jay had sex at his house. He woke up to find Jay in his bed (i know he didn't actually wake up in the morning with Jay in his bed, he found Jay in the laundry closet, but he can have woken up in the middle of the night or something and saw Jay), in his coffin if we're going by the whole undead thing, which i am, and he feels like he must have drained Jay dry (of energy not actual blood, but you know) hence the 'paleness,' and he starts to realize just how badly he's fucked up by doing all the things he refused to in college.

And it makes him feel sick and really upset because in the back of his mind he starts to realize he's going to have to drive Jay away, otherwise it'll cause all sorts of issues.

You could use a little action Run away and lead a life without consequence Reaching for a book of matches Strike a light and you'll see the real mess that I am

Alex want's Jay to leave of his own accord, he wants Jay to take action and leave so that he doesn't have to kill him, and if he makes Jay think he's making the decision to leave on his own he's more likely to stick with it. If Alex just told him to leave, Jay would more likely try even harder to get answers and figure out what's happening.

Alex is going to show Jay just how nasty he can be, just what a mess of a person he can be, in hopes that it'll scare Jay away and keep him safe.

I swear it's nothing personal (X8)

Alex is desperately trying to remind himself that it's not anything to do with a personal dislike for Jay (it's literally the exact opposite lol), he is doing everything to keep Jay safe, and if Jay was anyone else he'd have done the same to try and save them (as long as he liked them the same way he liked Jay)

I'm gonna take you home 'Til the morning comes I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

Self explanatory, he took Jay home and they had sex at his house, in his bed, for the first time. And then in the morning he did a full 180 from being lovely to being a dick, but it wasn't personal. it's not because he hates Jay or anything like that and he's desperate to remind himself of that and prove himself.

I, I see your collar bone And wanna lose control I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

Gay. Lmao. Sorry, anyway, yeah, Alex saw Jay again in that parking lot and he just wanted to, like, let things go back to how they used to be even just for a little bit. He wanted to 'lose control' and just ignore all the stuff he's meant to be doing (killing Jay) to do something enjoyable instead (fucking Jay), and that 'loss' of control would actually be him taking control of the situation, and taking control of Jay again, like back in college.

This time when Alex swears it's nothing personal he's doing it in a desperate attempt to tell himself that it's not because he likes Jay, he's just pent up and frustrated and anyone would do. But it is personal. It is because it's Jay. He knows he'll have to kill him at some point, but he's trying desperately to find a reason not to do it yet.

I, I wanna drain you of the mourning I wanna tear away the shadows brick by brick I know you could've used a warning You thought I kissed you just to borrow some lipstick?

Alex hopes that taking Jay back to his house and having sex with him there will kind of make it so that Jay's less upset by having to make the decision to leave. Logically, he knows that's not how that works and fucking Jay at his house and in his bed just made it more painful for Jay to leave, because he finally got a taste of everything he'd been hoping he could one day have with Alex, but then again Alex isn't thinking straight, so.

Jay definitely could have used a warning when it came to everything Alex did, like, all the stuff the morning after, but Alex couldn't give him one. If Alex had given Jay a warning that he was going to be lovely to him and then turn a full 180, that would have worked against Alex's goal of making Jay hate him.

Also, the last line, about the lipstick, to me kinda sounds like the singer is saying that he didn't just kiss his partner for some stupid reason, like to borrow their lipstick. He kissed them for a real reason. Alex kissing Jay on the forehead and cheek and all that wasn't for no reason, Alex did it because he likes Jay and he knew that'd be the last chance he ever got to do that.

Go be a stranger at a party Reading lips across a room of empty space With a secret you keep guarded Like a funeral buries all our past mistakes

Again, Alex needing Jay to leave and hate him and become a stranger.

I swear it's nothing personal (X8)

I'm gonna take you home Until the morning comes I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

I, I see your collar bone And wanna lose control I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

I, I'm gonna take you home Unil the morning comes I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

I, I see your collar bone And wanna lose control I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

I... (X4)

I'm gonna take you home 'Til the morning comes I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

I, I see your collar bone And wanna lose control I swear it's nothing personal I swear that it is nothing personal

I...

All repeated lyrics so same as above because i'm too tired to come up with anything else, i keep going to bed at 3am

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Girls Like Girls

Written By: Lily-May Young, Owen Thomas & Hayley Kiyoko

Artist: Hayley Kiyoko

Released: 2015

“Girls Like Girls” tells the story of a young girl actively looking to start relationships with girls currently involved with boys. In an interview with US Weekly, Hayley described the song as a “female anthem for a girl stealing another guy’s girl”, subverting the common theme of “guys always.. stealing other guys’ girls”. According to Hayley in an interview with Elite Daily, she didn’t have any artist that she could relate to when she was growing up, and so, she decided to tell her own stories. Kiyoko describes “Girls like Girls” as a story that she believes others can relate to: “There’s not a lot of representation for young girls who are best friends who might fall in love. A big point for me was to respect that and keep it real, so people can realize it’s not just a joke.” In a personal essay written by Kiyoko for Paper, she said that “Girls Like Girls” was born on a rainy day where she had a writing session with Owen Thomas and Lily May Young. “Growing up, everything I did was always about girls. I took dance because of girls. I got involved in student council because of girls. Not that I ever expected any of them to like me back, but I just felt comforted being around them, even if I could never date them. So there we were. The song “Girls like Girls” was born."

[Intro] (Boys) (Boys) Boys, (Boys) (Boys) [Verse 1] Stealing kisses from your missus Does it make you freak out? Got you fussing, got you worried Scared to let your guard down Boys, boys Tell the neighbors I'm not sorry if I'm breaking walls down Building your girl's second story, ripping all your floors out [Chorus] Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Isn't this why we came? Gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new [Verse 2] Always gonna steal your thunder Watch me like a dark cloud On the move collecting numbers I'ma take your girl out We will be everything that we'd ever need Don't tell me, tell me what I feel I'm real and I don't feel like boys I'm real and I don't feel like boys [Chorus] Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new Isn't this why we came? Gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new [Bridge] I've been crossing all the lines, all the lines Kissed your girl back made you cry, boys [Chorus] Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls, like boys do, nothing new Isn't this why we came? Tell me if you feel it too! Tell me, girls like girls like boys do, nothing new Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new

At Last

Written By: Henry Warren & Mack Gordon

Artist: Etta James

Released: 1960

Originally recorded by: Glenn Miller and His Orchestra feat. Pat Friday & John Payne, 1941

A song originally written in 1941 by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren and originally performed by Glenn Miller and His Orchestra for the 1941 movie Sun Valley Serenade, this ballad found its greatest success in the hands of the late Etta James in this 1960 recording. The tune became James' signature song. The song is featured on several “best of” lists, including inclusion in the Library of Congress' National Recording Registry and induction into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1999.

[Verse 1] At last My love has come along My lonely days are over And life is like a song (Oh, yeah, yeah) [Verse 2] At last The skies above are blue My heart was wrapped up in clover The night I looked at you [Bridge] I found a dream that I could speak to A dream that I can call my own I found a thrill to press my cheek to A thrill that I've never known (Oh, yeah, yeah) [Verse 3] You smiled, you smiled Oh, and then the spell was cast And here we are in heaven For you are mine at last

[barkbarkboy]

uh so i wanted to analyze boy division a million years ago..... i saved the lyrics but i never actually finished it. oh well. heres my queer/trans focused analysis of all the lines i can draw meaning from. its so layered!!!!! like i swear i'm gonna lose my mind this song is so good. u don't even know. CW: i talk about death transphobia and rape culture a little bit. no graphic details but yeah

If all my enemies threw a party, would you light the candles? / Would you drink the wine while watching television? / Watch the animals and all the tragedies if all my enemies (bigoted people) "threw a party" - as in celebrate or make fun of any form of minorities (with the queer/trans community as a heavy focus in this song), or some tragedy affecting those groups, would you join in? would you support them? or would you be on the side of letting people do what makes them feel happy and free and let them be themselves (such as being openly gay/trans despite the bigotry you face) Sell your arteries and buy my casket gown / (Well) It better be black, (Well) it better be tight, (Well) It better be just my size i'm not sure what "sell your arteries" means, but like, could be alluding to selling your soul for shitty beliefs and friends, or selling your heart since your arteries are part of the circulatory system. this choice is possibly sacrificing those minorities' lives in the process due to these shitty, ignorant people learning and perpetuating bigoted beliefs from these other shitty, ignorant people. the writer calls out these people for this and thus placing them (and the queer community as a whole) on death's doorstep before they are forced to confront their own internalized trans/homophobia. the writer asks why these lines must be drawn and why these lines, like the cuts of the gown they wish to wear when they die, shouldn't be cut to fit all people and not just one arbitrary gender. they're demanding it be cut just for them, and thus the label of "queer" to fit more people, not to build a new box, but to get rid of the box entirely, and let those people speak for their experience themselves.

I'm not asking, you're not telling / He's not dead, he only looks that way i'm not asking, you're not telling is clearly a nod to the phrase don't ask don't tell, about queer soldiers. in the "story" of the song it may allude to a phase in the writer's life where they pretended to not be gay to blend in and by proxy survive. this masking causes damage however, it makes them look dead, ether because that was their look at the time, or because they are mega depressed and feel unable to be themselves, so of course they're not going to be enthusiastic about life and look "dead". and the average person doesn't notice this, they just excuse it as being mentally ill, because being queer is not the norm and its not normalized enough in society.

I buy my enemies rope to hang me and the knives to gang me / You can watch them stab me on your television the writer wishes to intentionally provoke people, hoping they change people's minds, and risk their life in the process. so many queer killings go on day by day and some of them don't even make news. the writer is calling out that these bigoted people are purely ignorant to how this affects the community and thus telling it to them straight: queer killings still happen and they're awful. this community is vulnerable and needs protection. Stalk the halls because the bathroom walls / Would have a lot to say about the lines you're putting down this line? fucking GENIUS. where do i even start. first of all, bathroom debate? waaayyy before that was even a topic of discussion for mainstream audiences? they fucking saw the future ok. divine fucking visions. not only this but i think this line alludes to the fact that there are bathrooms at your home, and there are public bathrooms. for history reasons, public bathrooms are gender segregated. its considered taboo to use bathrooms that arent aligned with your agab, even though its a mostly private experience where no one has to see any of that shit. on the other hand, your at-home bathroom? not gender segregated. theres a million arguments about why public gender segregated bathrooms should continue to exist but the majority of them are rooted in patriarchy, misandry, and rape culture. the last thing is, a rumor about public bathrooms.... sometimes gay shit goes down in there. sometimes straight shit goes down in there! basically, if the bathroom walls could talk, they would say they see a lot of shit go down, and its happening behind closed doors whether you like it or not, and trans people just want to fucking piss. so leave them the hell alone and let them piss in peace! another point is "the lines you're putting down", as in, the line between the "male and female" sex and the "man and woman" gender is a lot more blurry than mainstream society thinks. someone will see someone masc presenting and automatically call them he pronouns for example, even though that person might be a she and just dressing comfortably. this gatekeeps people who don't pass well from using bathrooms at all, because they're afraid of getting hate crimed in there or because they just don't know/can't find the space that fits them.

(Well) It better be white, (Well) it better be cut (Well) It better be just my size now we've had a black line drawn, and this is the white line, alluding to black and white thinking, which is how a lot of people view being cis and perisex. however, you can be perisex and still have features that confuse you for another gender. the box is not fitting, and it never will fit the entire world's population of men, women, or enbies no matter how cis/perisex they may be. the writer demands the same thing of the lines being drawn as he asked for the black casket gown, that it fits everyone on the planet, and not just one specific kind of queer person. Until my capillaries burst of boredom / I'll be waiting this line of thinking is obvious to the writer, but its not obvious to everyone, especially mainstream society. they're willing to wait for the future, when one day all of this is normalized, and they and other queer people around the globe don't have to be afraid to be themselves anymore. the wait is frustrating and long, but they're pushing through to the end, hoping for a better, more safe future. I'm not laughing, you're not joking / I'm not dead, I only dress that way how often have you been here? someone made an off-color joke, and you just can't laugh because its not fucking funny? its just offensive? genius. i also like adding "you're not joking" because its so fucking true. people who say stuff like this and then pass it off as a joke when you get mad usually are trying to dogwhistle or seem chill/aloof by acting nonchalant about hate speech. furthermore, it seems the writer is embracing the way they dress now at least, and making it their own. theres also this idea of looking pretty when you're dead, so if you dress like you are dead 24/7, and you feel good about it and feel like you look pretty, you know how good you'll look when/if that time comes, which we know the writer has on their mind bc they know queer people die all the time and get hate crimed all the damn time. Wherever you are, wherever you are / Whoever you are, whoever you are 'Cause we got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go / We got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go / We got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go / We got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go We got the bomb / We got the bomb / We got the bomb / We got the bomb i think this is a rallying cry for all the queer community, whoever and wherever they are, to keep fighting. i think this information, which mainstream society has yet to understand, is compared to a bomb, because its going to blow the whole structure apart before putting it back together, hopefully in a healthier, safer, and more inclusive way.

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

Making a playlist for my fangame/AU for you to try and analyze because i think it'd be v interesting to see! Also i will totally take you up on the offer to ramble about AU's if it's still available,,,

okay, let's see how close and/or far i get

starting with the songs i know:

Come Along by Cosmo Sheldrake. now i've never actually looked up the lyrics of this one (just been guessing at them which. i often mess up with), but according to the ~internet~ it's meant to be a sort of invitation away from real life's static-ness, to instead live with a bit of whimsy. one source also says it's also about "embracing the present and cherishing life's fleeting moments"

so, one possibility is that this is related to the au/fangame in an "escaping your real life and jumping into the whimsy that is this gravity falls game" sort of way. if we're counting the second bit, part of the story could be about refusing to let the game go? always coming back to it, never truly letting it end?

alternatively, the "cherishing life's fleeting moments" is about the show and "embracing the present" is about finding new joys in life. third possibility is that i'm overthinking this

A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers. okay, i can connect this one to a few characters:

-the stan twins (or just one, lots of people just go with one)

-the player character (going hand-in-hand with the "not wanting to let the game end" thing)

-...bill cipher? (again, if you can't let the game die, you can't let any of it truly die, and that includes the antagonist. the lines 'asked me to pray to the god he doesn't believe in' and 'don't look at me with those eyes' work especially well for bill, with the former possibly being linked to the axolotl. considering that he called out for the axolotl to revive him and, in this scenario, he came back without its help. or maybe it's just. an actual god. who knows what bill believes)

Two Birds by Regina Spektor

-Mabel and Dipper or Stan and Ford work, of course. however-

-Bill and the player??? i'm sorry i caught this string and i'm refusing to let ago until i get to a song that proves me wrong

-adding third idea after reading back through this: one bird is the player, the other is representative of either the show or other people in the player's life. the player doesn't want to let go, and ends up in an unfortunate situation as a result, with the other "bird" leaving without them

Ruler of Everything by Tally Hall

I'm gonna say this one is also related to Bill Cipher, for a few reasons- one, the line "do you like how my face disintegrates into chalk?" well. it did kinda do that when stan punched him didn't it

second reason is because the whole back-and-forth section of the song could be between the player and bill. "i saw you slobber over clovers on the side of the hill, i was observing the birds, circle in for the kill" could be a reference to bill's death, with him becoming a stone statue in the woods. in the final episode, you see a bird land on his hand- hence, i was observing the birds. "circle in for the kill" could be the player, rightfully, not trusting him not to try mass murder again

there's also "i've been you, i know you, your facade is a scam" coming from the player. they've watched the show, they've probably interacted with discussions about it, fanart, fanfiction, possibly even made some of their own. they know bill as a character and, more importantly, they know he's not an honest one

(the rest of these are songs i had never listened to before now)

Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega, DNA

i'll be honest i've got nothing for the lyrics. i suppose there's just too many ways i could interpret it- for example, applying the "player theory" to this one, the player could be the singer or the person outside the window. bill could be the dead person in the newspaper, or it could be someone unrelated. the singer could be one of the characters (leaning towards ford, considering he is the coffee guy) and the waiter is the player, or the person outside the window is still the player, or the person exchanging hellos is the player. you see what i mean?

Obstacles by Syd Matters

mmm not entirely sure about this one, but i think it could be from the perspective of the characters? the blizzard/changing weather is the world the player's trapped them in, the foreseeing obstacles is the player themselves, and the playing hide and seek in waterfalls represents the world before the game. the world as in the show (especially considering that the cave behind the waterfall is pretty important whenever it comes up)

Constellations by The Oh Hellos

ditto, but a little more optimistic (the mention of "good intentions", assuming that the player isn't refusing to let the game end out of maliciousness + "everything you thought you knew will fall apart, but you'll be alright" acknowledging that what's happening is terrible and it's not likely that life for the characters will not return to normal, but they will persist throughout it)

Willow Tree March by The Paper Kites

i lied i have heard this one i just never knew the name. bonus points for having one of my favorite songs in your playlist and therefore helping me rediscover it. anyway, continuing with our player theory, this one could be a more...guilty approach to it? guilty in that the lyrics ("with your lust and your greed weighing down" and "and you weaken your love and you hold it above your head" for example) seem to be more accusatory, and the repeated lyrics "we all still die" and "this tree, it will die (without leaves)" make me think the singer represents the characters, trying to get across the idea that it doesn't matter how hard the player holds on to the game, it'll inevitably die anyway

Just A Man from EPIC: The Musical

not entirely sure about this one either. possibly, the player realizing that not letting the game end is hurting the characters and reflecting on that?

Viva La Vida by Coldplay

this feels like more of a bill song than a player song

Conclusion!

alright, so my guess at this au is that it's sort of about a self-aware game? the player plays through the game, then plays it again and again and again and refuses to let it rest. overtime, this starts to wear down on the characters and causes things to go wrong, such as reviving bill cipher. at some point, the characters begin to directly plead with the player to let the game end and, possibly after some sort of tragedy or new route via bill that kills or otherwise harms the other characters, the player start to realize that it's their own actions that are causing the game to break down. what exactly happens after that? depends on the player

no idea how close i was, but! good playlist i thoroughly enjoyed going through it :]

[sunwarmed-ash]

For the fic writer asks: 18, 19, 22, 40, 41

Also I don't think I saw anything like this on the list so this one's straight from my brain: Do you have notes to help you keep track of what's happening in each of your WIPs, or are you just able to do that in your head (my memory fucking sucks - I could never)

Hope you're having a good day 😘 (at first I accidently typed "gay" instead of "day" and ya know what? I DO hope you're having a good gay day 😂)

Dude thank you so much for sending these, i fucking love talking about writing and fandom <3 it brings me so much joy

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

All three!! Titling is actually my favorite part. Usually, they come from song titles, lyrics, or references that I felt either really captured the theme of the characters or the plot. Or sometimes they are the inspiration!! Sometimes they are funny, catchy or sexy in ways I think will bring people in but mostly they are song titles/lyrics haha  Almost all of the angsty Harringrove fics I wrote (13+ i think now) are MGK songs haha 2020-2022 was my all MGK all the time period because he dropped two sick fucking albums in two years and helped me out of more spirals than I can count. 

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Oh shit idk can I check that? Let me go look… Alright im too high to do that and google wasn't helpful so i'm taking a guess haha probably Smut or angst. I don't write exclusively smut or angst but almost every single fic I have has hurt/comfort scenes or sex scenes in them. Probs cuz people cry and have sex in real life haha and i'm tired of the bullshit on tv 

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I don't write anything with scat or piss play, just not my thing so i think it would be difficult to write it for me. I don't have usually any hard no’s when it comes to writing. The content I consume is a different answer though. Likely because I have the ability to just not think about the things I don't want to think/write about whereas if I don't check does the dog die.com before a movie I’ll be panicking the whole time I’m gonna be triggered by on screen SA which seems to be a recurring theme in EVERY scary/thriller these days (fuck YOU hollywood)

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Dude any!!!! But i'm also a horny slut so really any of the Hankconvin, steddiegrove, harringrove, parksborn sex scenes are good with me!!

I still have the fan art  someone made me for a fic I wrote back in 2013 as my phone background :3 I have since lost touch with them on tumblr but I think about them everyday

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I’m a huge re-reader/reconsumer. I will watch the same show 100 times and never get tired of it. Same with the fics I read. I’m a SUCKER for that good good content 

Bonus ?: Also I don't think I saw anything like this on the list so this one's straight from my brain: Do you have notes to help you keep track of what's happening in each of your WIPs, or are you just able to do that in your head (my memory fucking sucks - I could never)

Hahahahha yes and no. If its a short fic, I'll usually just reread it before i start adding new content since I jump around between fics CONSTANTLY. If it's a long fic, like the fucking Eden club yes, I have notes because I just don't have the time to go back and reread. My docs are a total mess hahahaha I love you, thank you for theses <3 I AM HAVING A GREAT GAY DAY AND I FUCKING HOPE YOU ARE TOO!

[andsalttheearthbehindyou]

in honor of tays new achievement occupying the top 10 songs (top 14 technically hehehe) on the billboard chart for the second time in her career and being the only artist to ever do so.... i wanted to talk torchiepo!! since i never did even though i said i was. (im busy im soz)

this is just going to be my really messy really scattered and disorganized thoughts on ttpd, bc i wanted to, so here they are. i think its tays most misunderstood album. i think that the media is heavily biased against her and her fans just so happen to speak louder than the critics and thats why you hear more positive than negative (thankfully). i think that her peers are extremely envious of her. taylor is unlike anything, any person, any artist. she is consistently peaking, she is consistently breaking her own records, therefore this is not someone that is going to be scrutinized or critiqued very fairly. people have these preconceived notions of her and their own thoughts on her as a person and how deserving she is of her fame and success. all of this is fine its just unfair when considering her art. CNN literally admitted to judging ttpd too harshly when it first came out. they were not judging the album. it is virtually impossible to consume and understand an artist's work just hours within it being released to the public, let alone a 2 HOUR, 31 TRACK ALBUM. they were judging HER. so they literally amended their review and yeah of course youre gonna like the album more after spending more time digesting it. stupid.

anyway. this album is really textured and layered and youre gonna naturally appreciate it more if you understand taylors lore. lol that sounds so funny to say but its really true. her songs naturally evolve in pop culture and become sound tracks to not just her life but her fans lives and they can be applied and understood in different ways. her older songs are true testaments of this, how theyre more generic love songs with winks and nods that allow her fans to understand who theyre *really* about/ what they mean to her. but ttpd is deeper than that, its really personal and unique to her life. no youre not going to relate to clara bow this is unique to her experience in the industry. no youre not gonna relate to thanK you aIMee because youve never beefed with kim kardashian and forcibly exiled from america. no youre not going to relate to the manuscript this is distinctly about her relationship when she was barely an adult dating a 30 year old movie star and her harrowing revisit to that trauma as she wrote the script for atw10 short film. right. yes we all wish we couldve dated jake gyllenhaal but we didnt, you didnt, she did. she saved us. shes literally christ. hahaha. anyway.

ok also a lot of people kind of fail to recognize the funniness and satire of this album. it is SO funny, and shes trying to make it funny, she literally explains this past stage of her life as a manic little phase that naturally would occur when dating one matty healy (ok she didnt say that explicitly i did but shebasically said that. in not so many words). okay if you dont get the jokes in the album do you know matty? i thank my lucky stars that i was an avid 2014 tumblrina and fan of the 1975 and i literally saw them last year, was very fun, matty is also a self-satirizing performer but this post isnt for him so i wont get into all of that either. but yeah people trying to talk down on her and say 'awww sweetie no....taylor youre not a poet....be so serious' oh my god!!! i want to scratch ur eyeballs out. SHE IS NOT SAYING SHES A POET!!! "I laughed in your face and said 'You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we'rе modern idiots' " IS HER TELLING MATTY YOU ARE NOT A POET AND NEITHER AM I! so she literally agrees with you on that front.

i want to go through all the songs and all the lines and just gush about the masterful lyricism she possesses but i still feel like i havent had enough time with this album after a week. its such perfection. all the callbacks to her old songs, the influence of her co-producers jack and aaron and past albums culminating into this perfect blend of red-folk-nights?! ugh!!!! i love her so much. i love this album. TO PIECES

[lonelywhalien22]

Based on your user and your post saying you were trying to stay up for Jimin on Jimmy, I'm going to assume you're an ARMY . . .???

Thoughts on Jimin's new album? 👀 I'm dying to talk music with someone 😂💜

Cheers! I hope all is well.

@twogyuu hey friend!!!

yeah i'm an army lol (the chill kind so don't come for me yall 💜😂) little backstory i found out about them back in 2018. i was just about to graduate high school at the time and was freaking out about the future, as one does, when i stumbled across their fake love mv. my curiosity was peeked and it was over from there. their songs and lyrics got me through literally some of the hardest times of my life, and whalien 52 will always symbolically be my favorite track from them because, besides being nice to listen to, it really spoke to me at the time and i would play it a lot whenever i would be hard on myself or feel upset over my circumstances. that song (and others like so far away by suga) was like a comfort - like an acknowledgement of my feelings and a reminder that i wasn't alone, that i wasn't the only person who has felt lonely or struggled in some way. and bts was my gateway into kpop so they'll always hold a special place in my heart (although now i have to suffer from being attacked everyday by a different kpop group and its members so idk thanks i guess??? lololol) ok sob story about my username is over lol.

this post is getting long so album thoughts are under the cut.

thoughts on jimin's new album - idk if i'm gonna get flamed for this but it wasn't really my vibe (no pun intended) if i'm being honest and i say that lovingly/respectfully. he is my bts bias and the first bias i ever had so believe me i am being honestttt lol. his dancing is what he's known for obvs so it didn't surprise me when the first release was set me free prt 2 which had more of an anthemic, powerful vibe to it. that was definitely fun to watch but it was that kind of kpop release where i get this feeling of like, this is a great performance to watch, but not a song i'd necessarily wanna hear again. and then i listened to the rest of the album and the other songs didn't do it for me personally either *with love*. Like Crazy was definitely my favorite, with the soft 80s vibes <3, but I'm not sure I'm gonna be playing it all that often. There wasn't a stand out point for me in it where I was like 'ah i wanna hear that part again' ya know??? For ref i really liked the song he did with taeyang (Vibe) and I still love the heck out of Serendipity from the Love Yourself days so I know jimin is capable of greatness...this just wasn't it for me personally. i keep emphasizing that b/c i'm not tryna receive any army hate 🤣. of all the member's releases so far, my favs were rm's indigo album (such a vibe ugggh + his features were fantastic), jin's the astronaut (was meh the first time i listened and then i heard it again in the middle of the night and it broke me???) and jhope's song on the street with jcole (not much of a rap girlie but i loveeeee jcole's music in particular for his incredible lyricism - he's a goat and one of the few i listen to - so i screamed when i saw the collab and the song was so freaking good 😭). I am incredibly excited for V's release whenever that comes because I'm convinced it's gonna be full of kdrama tracks that will make me cry (have you heard sweet night??? christmas tree??? winter bear??? bruh) and then Jungkook is such a stunning vocalist that i know I'll enjoy whatever he releases (euphoria is set as my phone alarm and ringtone and it still makes me cry to this day 🥹).

i loveeeee music so much (she says as if she didn't make that obvs by writing a whole 35k fic based off one dang song) - i am that person with a specific playlist for every possible feeling/vibe imaginable, i do indeed listen to/find gems from the songs writers list as inspo for their fics, and i am constantly on the hunt for new music so please reach out to me anytime about songs/releases, non-kpop included of course!!! this post was long af but hope you enjoyed <3

[rrxnjun]

that is a wild combination but i love that for ur friend!! u are actually the greatest person out there tbh listening to lovejoy and being a casual jack manifold enjoyer just shows how top tier of a person u are🫢

SHE SAYS THAT SHE JUST SKIPS THE BORING/FILLER PARTS BUT IM STILL⁉️⁉️she only finishes them cuz she wants to know how it ends but yeah stopping just makes the most sense in my opinion as well

well i looked up two translations but if it's not a lot of work for u i would appreciate ur translation cuz both of them were a bit just idk how to explain it a bit weird iguess idk?? oh my i just need something to ease the pain of essay writing💔 i hope u find some artist!!!! if u use tiktok u might find some there (i got to know all of the hungarian artists i listen to on tiktok from just random aesthetic hungarian tiktokers tbh)

OH MY LORDDDD I HOPE U WILL ENJOY UR TIME HERE IF U END UP COMING!!!! and i would loveeee to be ur tour guide!!! so i hope u will not end up coming here when i have my exams and when i will be away for like a week i think!! (although if this actually happens i probably should stop being an anon soon😶)

6essays sound like a nightmare oh my!!! i hope u will do well on ur exams too!! good luck with them!!!🥳🥳rooting for u as well!!💕💓💘

LMAO I LAUGHED A BIT AT THE END BUT I WILL NEVER STOP THE HEACHAN AND BAR AGENDA

(and i also want to mention that i followed ur main not long ago and i think we are actually the same person or sumn cuz i completely agree with ur take on zach herrons voice😶)

AND LASTLY I CANT WAIT TO READ UR NEW FIC SO EXPECT ANOTHER ASK OF JUST ME SOBBING AND YELLING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE UR WRITING (liebestraum anon💕)

what can i say i have taste🤭🤭but we already knew that. so do u thats why we match mwah.

I DISAGREE W THAT SO MUCH OHGOD id just google the ending so i dont waste my time if im thAT curious ???

i think im gonna try looking for some indie slovak artists on spotify ?? sometimes it pulls through w hidden gems 😩😩 also i am gonna attach the translated lyrics under the cut!! hihi

DJDJD idk if it will happen for sure bc we always make so many plans with my friend for the summer break and never actually end up doing anything because shes w her boyfriend all the time so thats a lil :/// i WOULD come alone but even tho im 20 i still dont think my parents would let me AHAHA but if my friend manages to find time for me in her summer schedule im gonna beg her on my knees to come 😌 and dw abt being on anon!! we can figure that out later AHAHA i want u to be comfortable ‼💓

6 essays is indeed a nightmare but im done w one of them so thats a plus. i started working on another one for my history of psychology class and found a lot of references so i honestly think its gonna be easy to finish. like three of them are group work so im gonna have to push my partner to start working on them w me soon 😋

ALSO DONT JUST TELL ME U FOLLOWED MY MAIN LILE THIS AAAAA that blog is so unfiltered and annoyingly active im so sorry 😭😭 but i am glad u agree bc zachs voice is just. i dont think ive ever been attracted to a voice more (him and also brad simpson from the vamps because i am a typical boyband-obsessed teenage girl)

HOPE U LIKED THE FIC!! (i saw your ask im gonna reply in a bit)

anyways the translation!!

tried to translate it in a way that makes the most sense 😭😭😭 again i dont really know what he was trying to say with "tak ako ty, tak potom aj ja" maybe im just stupid

[makeyouminemp3]

so take your time while you're mine and smoke slow

steve harrington x reader (no specific gender use of pronouns), and platonic!eddie munson x reader

requested: nope, not at all

warnings: spoilers for stranger things 4 (both volumes), smoking (does it even need a warning, smoke is literally in the goddamn title), st*ncy (it deserves its own warning), also if you can't tell already, I am apart of the nancy protection squad and i will defend her in anyway possible so if you hate her: please leave, a helluva lot of mutual pining that's confused for unrequited love, eddie playing matchmaker, a huge bowl of angst with an eventual and fluffy happy ending

a/n: after reading like a bajillion fics of steve, I wanted to make one for myself out of boredom, and I tend to make people cry. and in honor of joshua bassett's new song, "smoke slow" that's officially out, I decided to do a fic of said song because the snippet that has been out since may has been stuck in my head on a loop so I wanted to do something with it. but go check out the song please, I am begging you. it is so good. also, the pronouns in the original song are gonna be switched in the story, but the original lyrics are there. so in the story it's from she to he (he as in steve) and he to she (she as in nancy) as the fic goes on so you'll understand. I don't think I need to explain myself further anyways so...

*not my gif btw*

she asks for a light

as our secrets spill on the window sill

we're buyin' more time

while we kill ourselves as we both inhale

you didn't exactly hate steve harrington, you could tolerate him to a certain extent. the boy wasn't entirely unbearable and was sometimes entertainment at points. you were dragged into the whole upside down stuff since 1983. and you weren't usually around steve very often when the world goes to shit to care about him.

the only time you formed some type of connection with him was at tina's halloween party you saw him while walking home, sulking on the sidewalk. and as someone who wasn't entirely heartless, especially after seeing the look in his eye that just made him look like he's on the verge of sobbing. you didn't need that tonight, cause you just wanted to have fun and act normal for once. sitting down beside him as the two of you talked it out, about how nancy wheeler called him bullshit and that their entire relationship is bullshit and then he just left.

"so you just left her at the party... drunk?" you looked shocked, still trying to process it, "dude, what she said wasn't cool but come on!"

he didn't say anything else on the matter, just wanted to forget everything, "do you have a light?" you nodded and went into your pocket, bringing out cigarettes and a lighter. the two of you just sat there, getting high off your asses and watch as the night went on. both of you had opened up about your own personal lives and finding some kind of understanding.

after that, it was now four in the morning and you took him home. after what had happened at the party, he needed to rest before being hit in the face with reality before school. then heading home and heading to bed yourself, then just wondering maybe there is a good side to steve harrington that you just haven't seen yet, and even some part of you wished to see more of a vulnerable side to steve.

makin' believe there's a future

is it naive to think we could work?

the night el had closed the gate back in eighty four, you and steve didn't talk at all after that just between the both of you, after that for at least a year. the only somewhat time you saw one another was at the snowball when he dropped of dustin. he saw you, who was currently chaperoning the dance with nancy and jonathan, but you were currently smoking a cigarette. you had noticed him staring at you and all you did was wave before he drove off.

during the summer, you didn't exactly had a proper conversation with him. he was with robin, dustin and erica at the mall where there was a secret russian base underneath. meanwhile, you were with mike, el, will, max, lucas, jonathan and nancy, trying to find out how to stop billy and the mind flayer.

he hadn't noticed the tiny little glances you gave him once you saw him again. you honestly had no idea why you couldn't stop staring at him, there was just something that just made you infatuated that you were not self aware of your current actions. even in jonathan's car as he drove you, steve, robin, nancy, will and lucas away from the mind flayer and as they all had overheard dustin and his girlfriend, suzie singing "neverending story" over the walkie talkie, your eyes were on him, at least 90% of the time. there were times that you couldn't while the rest of you were in peril that very same night.

then after the events of starcourt, you were imagining these dreams of your future. like, wanting to be successful and rich, wanting to be loved, maybe have a couple of kids or two. but in those dreams about that potential future, steve was there. what part did he play in it, who knows honestly? being your boyfriend, or a friend, or something, he was there but for what purpose? you two weren't that close, yet again, not even aware of the fact of how much you stared at him.

but honestly, he couldn't even be the only there (with 'there' being the future, your future). you both are apart of the same friend group, even though said friend group consists of mainly middle schoolers. you obviously didn't mind hanging around them of course, more fun to be around then most people your age.

the second it's out, then i lose her

we're already here, so one more won't hurt

it won't hurt

it's now the spring of 1986, and this was the year where you and steve had to be in close proximity of one another. and ever since spring break started, you saw more of that same steve from that halloween night, vulnerable and kind and sweet and caring. that even something in the air had developed some type of non-platonic feeling. but with this itching feeling that steve is still in love with nancy, you refused to say anything. in order to cope and try to forget for a few minutes via smoking as your mind had went away, it wouldn't hurt, would it?

but obviously that didn't last, because you were forcibly pulled back to reality. you guys did anything to stop vecna and clear eddie's name. eddie has been your friend since the start of your senior year, he taught you how to play guitar. it felt nice to be around a guy without it being awkward. you and eddie were strictly platonic, like what steve and robin are. so, of course you would do anything to make sure he's able to walk in broad daylight without people calling him a murderer and with the cops on his trail. you and dustin were the ones that were the most passionate on clearing eddie's name.

then, in the last couple of days, max got cursed by vecna and almost died, but another victim was added which was lucas' basketball teammate was the next one. and then here you currently are, in the upside down with steve, nancy, robin and eddie, after a bunch of vines had dragged you down the lake and into the upside down because you refused steve to put himself in danger (again). where steve, by no hesitation had jumped in after you first before the others.

you could not handle the steve and nancy flirting going on, so you needed some type of excuse to be away from that. and that you'd rather have someone shoot you in the head with a nail gun, repeatedly than having to watch the two of them give each other heart eyes the entire time. and even eddie looked like he was over it and he's new to the group. the sight of steve looking at her made you wanna vomit, but the munson had noticed your reaction to the other two and knew what to do.

the five of you were walking over to the wheeler residence so nancy can grab the guns she has in her bedroom. eddie walked right next to you and immediately started the conversation with, "you know, i'm not particularly an expert when it comes to romance cause i have never been in a relationship. but, i've seen the way you act around harrington."

you risen your eyebrow at the munson in confusion, "i have no idea what you're talking about..."

"come on, y/n!" he pats your shoulder, "whenever he says one word, your eyes are immediately on him and solely focus on whatever he says."

"that's because he's talking..." you looked even more confused at what eddie is trying to tell you. the munson rolled his eyes, "you practically looked in awe of him. whenever i talk, you don't look at me like that." he then snaps his fingers and points our, "oh, and another thing, the look of disgust on your face whenever him and nancy flirted."

"and that's also because one: she has a boyfriend, and honestly she honestly did not look comfortable at his advances and I do not blame her. and two--" you held up two fingers as you proceeded, "we're practically in hell. so maybe flirting while we have a high possibility of dying isn't exactly the best time."

"fair points." eddie agreed, "then, let's talk about how harrington feels about you."

"and what about it?"

"personally, i would have never jumped in, not under any normal circumstances. outside of d&d, i am no hero. i see danger and i just turn heel and run. or at least that's what i've learned about myself this week. give yourself a break, y/n. see? the only reason i came in here was 'cause harrington and the two ladies over there chit chatting came in straight after you. now, i was too ashamed to be the one who stayed behind." he explained, "i just played follow the leader."

you had a fake smile on your face, "so what is your point? you're wondering why other people care about me?"

"if you let me get to the point--" eddie says, "but harrington right there, he didn't waste a second. not one second. he just dove right in. now, i don't know what you guys had before i came in, but if I were you, i'd confess my love while i still can. cause that was as unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen."

"that is..." you had paused for a second, taking in a deep sigh, "the most cheeziest shit i have ever heard. and it's pretty damn stupid. steve is selfless and such, he would've dove in after anyone... like nancy."

"maybe..." the munson shrugs at you, "but it's just the worry and the concern on his face while you were dragged down the lake. honestly the look on his face didn't look like he'd have that reaction for anyone. not even nancy wheeler."

"so you're basically just finding this--" you proceeded to had put in quotes, "'love story' between steve and i, your entertainment?"

"yeah..." eddie had let out a chuckle, "watching you silently pin over him with those sad lost puppy dog eyes was tugging the heartstrings."

"glad you find my pain entertaining." you sarcastically responded, "but even if i had these 'feelings' for steve. what makes you one hundred percent sure he feels the same?"

"it's in the eyes." he points out, "sometimes the voice, but mainly the eyes. look, if you don't want him, you can let wheeler have a second shot with him." and that made you gag a little and eddie couldn't help but laugh, "i knew it, you are jealous of her."

"no, i'm not."

"i'll let you be in denial."

"i just don't wanna ruin everything." you had blurted out, and then further explained, "i confess how i feel, then he doesn't feel the same and our friendship is ruined. i would rather have him as a friend than not have him at all."

but all that we are is all that we'll ever be

'cause he's the one waitin' at home

finding out the upside down has been stuck in the day will went missing for over two years, the five of you had went over to eddie's trailer. since dustin had explained that there must be a gate at every murder sight. him, lucas, max and erica had found a way to get you and the others back to your world safely. and then a pit of rage and jealousy had pondered when you made it through and looked up to see only steve and nancy left. and with nancy now being possessed by vecna which left everyone in a fit of panic.

but suddenly, she was out of the trance and you saw steve cradling her face. and that made you wanna grab eddie's guitar and shove it down your throat. both of them made it back through as they all snuck over to max's trailer as nancy explained to what vecna saw her see. after that, and a lot of convincing to go back into the upside down but with protection and weapons. as well as max using herself as bait to make vecna's physical body defenseless so he can be killed with breaking a sweat. and then they had stolen an rv from one of the trailer park residents with steve driving and nancy in the passenger seat.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes but also stare at them with your head lying down on the small table with robin and eddie on both of your sides. god, why would you be jealous of nancy? she has boyfriend for crying out loud and you know how much she loves jonathan. you honestly didn't know if they were still going strong, but that wasn't any of your business. after hearing steve talk about wanting six kids and seeing the two looking at each other that made you want to die. but also another part of you thinks, god, poor nancy, hasn't she had been through enough? for a split second, you could tell that she didn't look exactly comfortable, especially that you can tell by that fake smile on her face cause that smile did not seem anywhere near genuine. personally, who could be comfortable in that situation? if steve is really hinting at her being in that dream (especially the way he was looking at her), then you felt more bad for nancy constantly being flirted by her ex boyfriend while he knows she's in a relationship and saying all of this to her, specifically out of anyone.

your mind just wondered off, after that. still really having the urge to open the door to the rv and jumping out while you still can, and hopefully get run over by a nearby car, but that's definitely not gonna happen.

it's just all that you and steve is, is probably what you were ever gonna be. best friends and completely platonic. even though what you felt for him, was not platonic at all, and everyone else knew it but steve and sometimes even yourself.

she holds my guitar as i pluck out a melody

there's only so far we can go

and then after dropping off max, lucas and erica at the creel house, you and the others were in the upside down. you went with steve, nancy and robin to go to the upside down version of the creel house to take out vecna, while dustin and eddie were being the distraction against the demobats.

and the walk, felt like it had been forever, your feet were hurting, robin ran off with nancy chasing after her. and now it was just you and steve alone. and god, did that terrify the fuck out of you. for a split second the thought of you being alone with steve with all of these confused feelings going on scared you more than vecna himself. but, you try and stay calm and started talking about robin being a super clutz and how it took her longer to walk then most babies. that had made steve brought up how when he was a baby, he used to crawl backwards.

"what? how, exactly?" you had looked entirely confused, but couldn't help but laugh. he laughed along with you, as he explained, "come on, it makes sense. you push to move, right?"

"no, no, it doesn't make sense whatsoever."

"well, it did to my tiny little harrington brain. that is, until i reversed my baby butt down a flight of stairs and thumped my head really good."

"that explains a lot." you snorted.

"yeah." he chuckles, "i think it kinda does. i think, like, right out of the gate, like, i'm super confident. but i'm also, like, an idiot. which is just... i mean, it's a brutal combination. but, i mean, the good news is, i get a big enough thump on my head, i can change, you know? i can learn. i can crawl forward." he had finished explaining, "honestly, thanks to nancy for giving my head the biggest thump of it's life two years ago, it's changed my life. i really needed it, and now i'm crawling forward. slowly."

you then had brought up to remind him, "also jonathan too, since he did beat the ever living shit out of you. it was satisfying to watch."

"that too." he then went on further, "for so long i was dwindling in the past over a girl who couldn't love me back. which is not her fault, people just can't control how they feel. i thought these things i've been feeling this past week have been about old flames that should've never died out. but honestly, realizing these past twenty four hours, there's a new flame in my life that i just never realized til now."

you had looked a tad bit confused, both of you stopping while you looked directly at him, "what are you saying exactly?"

"you heard the talk i had with nancy, right?" you shrugged and nodded, "all of it is true. every last word. for so long, i saw nancy in that dream with me, but i just don't see it anymore."

"you don't?"

"no, actually and surprisingly, i don't." he replied, "there was just this one important part that i had left out." you noticed him giving you this look as he said those two words that had rocked your world and that it changed your guys' friendship so much from that point on, "you're there."

oh.

you didn't know what to say. how can you respond to something like that? like you felt this relief on your shoulders that he wasn't talking about wanting a family with nancy straight to your face. he saw you. it was still something difficult to process it all. this was as hard as trying to teach steve how to play the guitar a few weeks ago cause he noticed it in your room and asked for you to teach him for fun. but instead of him plucking the strings of your guitar, it is the strings of your heart. with said heart on the verge of beating out of your chest and exploding everywhere.

literally, what can you say to that? like having a life long commitment with someone who imagines and wants six kids with you? you'd die on the spot.

but, just in time before you had the chance to pass out or something, robin and nancy had found you both. interrupted this moment you and steve have, and it just felt like another relief lifted from your shoulders. you were put on a pedestal and expected to have a response of some kind, at least one word. but said words were just too hard to form.

i'm next to you but i'll never be close

so take your time while you're mine and smoke slow

two days after everything that happened. eddie is dead, max is in a coma and you were still processing everything that had happened. like holy fucking shit, what just happened? and now, it's been two days, you're helping nancy clear out some of her old things to donate it to people that are in need of stuff ever since vecna's gates had opened. then, you all suddenly heard honking from a small distance with a pizza van showing up out of no where. and conveniently said pizza can had mike, will, jonathan, el, and some other guy coming out of it. you immediately had embraced el and will with dustin, "i've missed you kiddos so much! how are you, are you okay?"

you also had noticed el's hair is gone, and you just couldn't say anything cause you were in shock. all you did was just give her a meaningful kiss on the forehead. you then had walked over to mike and gave him a quick hug, "god, you leave for one week and everything goes to hell."

"same thing happened on our end too."

"well i'm glad you're okay." and then you walked in between jonathan and nancy's little reunion, "so glad so see you two back together. a major relief for me, actually." and then you gave jonathan a big hug, "you've grown out your hair, byers. i'm so close to grabbing some scissors and getting your old hair back."

"i'll think about it." he says, he let's go and the other dude who you didn't know walked over as jonathan introduced him, "this is my friend, argyle. he was honestly a big help on our end."

"sup." argyle says. you just nodded and shook his hand, "pleasure to meet you."

after the reunions and such, you, steve, robin and dustin went to the school and volunteered to help out the people that are in need. you were helping steve fold clothes as the both of you had noticed robin talking and smiling with her crush, vickie. and then you had broken this two day silence with steve after what he said, "about that night--"

"no, no, it's fine." he cuts you off, "i shouldn't have dropped that on you while we were on the possibility of not making it. it's not fair to you, and i was crossing a million boundaries. and i--" you stopped steve from rambling further by kissing him to shut up. you pulled away with a smile on your face, "i understand, really. because, i had imagined my own future for you apart of it for a while. in like, any possible way, you were there. maybe not the six kids in an rv, traveling across the country type suburban dream. but just, a nice one where we don't have to worry about demogorgan's, and the mind flayer, and vecna, and just the upside down in general." you stopped yourself for a second to catch your breath before proceeding, "i just personally didn't wanna say anything because i didn't wanna ruin this friendship we had built if you didn't feel the same. but hey, you do, and that's great! but, maybe we just take our time slow. cause i'm definitely not ready for six kids."

"i can see that." he smiled, "we don't have to have six kids if you're not comfortable with it. that's totally fine."

you returned a smile at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek and went back to folding clothes, "thank you." then you had also adding, "i'm glad i was there whole you were sulking on halloween night two years ago."

"i'm glad too."

a/n: hope you guys enjoyed! honestly, I wouldn't mind getting some stranger things requests for steve and other characters like nancy, jonathan, robin, max, lucas (I may need to make a new post on who you guys can requests from which fandoms again and a new masterlist but not at the moment)

[herroyalhighnessqueenmomo]

Faded Memories (Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader) |Part 2|

Warnings: I do not own the song that is used here. Also swearing and angst up ahead.

Nancy was at your parent’s house. She came over to comfort you after you had called crying once you hung up with Eddie telling her you were second. She supportively told you that it didn’t matter how Eddie saw you, that you were still number one. To her you were her number one. It warmed up your heart a bit but it wasn’t the same. Nancy sighed as she sat at your desk and did a double take at the journal that laid open to the page where your song was. She grabbed the journal and began reading the lyrics. “What’s this?” She asked you. You simply shrugged. “Just something stupid I was working on. It was gonna be a song but I don’t think its any good.” You had explained. Nancy finished reading and looked up at you. “Y/N this is beautiful. You have to sing this to Eddie.” She stated.

You shook your head quickly. “No, Nope. Absolutely not.” You got up and grabbed the journal from her hands. “Why not? You always struggled to figure out how to tell him how you feel. This song is perfect.” Nancy stated her case. You shook your head again. “I already told you that I’m not telling him how I feel. It’s pointless, he doesn’t feel that way about me. Its a for sure rejection.” She huffed. “It is not a for sure rejecti-” “Nancy he basically told me I am second best right after his bitchy fiancée. Even if he didn’t reject me I’m always going to think of myself as his second choice. I can’t do that.” You said. “Well at least do it to get it off your chest. I’m sure its weighing on you a lot.” You didn’t say anything because she was right. It was like the weight of the world was on you. Which might have been fitting since Eddie pretty much was your world. “See? You know I’m right.”

The two of you dropped the conversation and just talked the way the two of you usually did. You’d talk about everything under the sun.

******************************************************

The weekend hit and it was time for Eddie’s bachelor party. Something about the event made you nervous. You wore your old Hellfire club t-shirt and a black suspender skirt with your signature combat boots. You drove over to the Hideout. You made sure to arrive at least 20 minutes later than the planned time. You generally were a punctual person but this was your attempt to try and appear casual about the whole event. Once you walked in you saw the Hellfire club members and Steve sitting at a table. The older members were drinking while the younger ones being Lucas, Mike, Dustin, and Will just chatted alcohol influence free. “Well if it isn’t my favorite girl. I was starting to think you weren't coming.” Eddie got up and walked towards you. His favorite girl? Just the other day he said you were his second favorite. You ignored his slip up. He is obviously not himself. He gave you a huge bear hug and then kissed the top of your head. “Munson, are you already drunk?” You asked him. He scoffed. “No I can handle my liquor better than that babycakes.” Well that was a new nickname. “But I am definitely high.” He then busted out into a fit of giggles. You rolled your eyes with a smile on your face.

Eddie led you to the table and as he pulled out his seat for you, your eyes landed on a tattoo on his arm you hadn't noticed before. "Eds, is that a new tattoo?" You asked as you took your seat. He sat down beside you and then you pointed at it. He looked down at it. "Oh. Yeah. Kendra said this the other day, kinda loved it so much I tattooed it." You took a moment to read it. Honesty plus love will get you through most situations. It was not an outlandish quote. In fact, it was mediocre at best. Definitely wasn't worth tattooing.

You tried your best to give a fake smile. "Wow, that's so...different." You said. "Yeah. After Kendra said it I just wanted that reminder from her always with me." He said.

"Sounds like she has you pretty whipped." Gareth stated causing you to snort and the guys to laugh also. "Say what you want but as far as I'm concerned, I'm the only here who is actually getting some." He stated with a level of smugness that at any other time you would find insanely attractive but this time you fought so hard not to roll your eyes. You instead scoffed. "Yeah sure, that you know of." You said as you got up and walked towards the bar. You don't even know why you said it. You were pretty sure he was. You just wanted to say something that would wipe that smug smirk off his face. The guys all stared at you as you left. You hadn't paid any attention.

"The hell does that mean?"Eddie asked as he thought out loud. The guys shrugged. "Seems like Y/N is implying that she's getting some too." Jeff said taking a sip of his drink. Eddie almost laughed. "Absolutely not. Nope."

Steve got a little annoyed by Eddie's attitude. "What? You don't think she could get any?" He asked. Eddie looked at him. "No, because if she did she would have told me." He said with a matter of fact tone. "What makes you think she'd tell you?" Steve asked. "We tell each other everything." Eddie replied. He took a swig of his drink. Something about this whole conversation just bothered Steve though. Maybe it was the way Eddie seemed too sure of himself or the way he dismissed the thought too quickly. "Well obviously not everything because she told me." Steve blurted out. Eddie damn near broke his neck by how fast he turned to look at Steve. "Bullshit."

"I'm serious." "With who?" Eddie asked. He couldn't believe it. Steve shrugged. "I don't remember, she said it was some guy she met at the library." He bullshitted. "The library?" Eddie asked. "Uh yeah...something about them reading the same book and he asked her out to dinner." Suddenly Steve mastered the element of bullshitting and Eddie was really starting to believe him. "Why the hell didn't she tell me? I would've been happy for her." Eddie was frustrated beyond belief. In fact he was borderline pissed. Why? He wasn't even sure. "Uh...buddy you've been busy planning a wedding and practically neglecting her." Steve said. "Neglecting her? Did she tell you that?" He asked. He hated the mere implication. Steve shook his head. "She didn't have to tell me that. I can see it, I have eyes Munson."

Eddie was really getting worked up by this. He stood up. "I'm going out for a smoke." He said and walked out it seemed almost too obvious that he was livid. "What just happened?" Dustin asked. No response from anyone.

By the time Eddie got out the door you had made it back from the bar with a glass in each hand. "Where'd Eddie go?" You asked as you went to sit down. "Apparently to go smoke." Steve replied. You gasped in general annoyance. "Are you shitting me? I have been working so hard to try and get him to quit smoking cigarettes." Steve went to grab the second drink that you had. You slapped his hand. "Excuse me, these are both for me." You said. Steve looked at you with some shock. "You got two glasses of screwdrivers for yourself?" He asked. You nodded. "I am trying to catch up to you guys. Plus I told the bar tender to give me another two once I am done with these." You replied and took a deep sip of your first glass. You moaned out with satisfaction. "God damn that's good. I needed this." You looked up to see the guys all staring at you. "Is there something on my face?" You asked placing a hand over your mouth.

"Didn't realize you liked drinking that much." Dustin said breaking the silence. You shrugged. "More like every once in a while I need to indulge. This is one of those times." You said taking another sip. "So Y/N, Steve was telling us that you're seeing someone-"Will began trying to make conversation. You spit out your drink and looked at Steve with wide eyes. Steve looked away from your gaze. He cleared his throat. "Uh yeah, sorry Y/N. Just kinda slipped up. Didn't mean to out your secret like that." He said. You were utterly confused. "And um...why did this come up?" You asked. "Well after you implied that you were uh...getting some... the guys were curious. Eddie didn't seem to think it was true so I just confirmed it." Steve explained. Eddie didn't believe you were seeing someone? Why wouldn't he believe it? Should you be offended? "So I told him how you met him at the library." You looked at him. The library? Was that the best he could do? Guess it could have been worst. "I think Eddie is a bit offended that you didn't tell him though." Steve added. "He was?" You asked. Steve nodded.

You made sure not to smile at that statement. Eddie still deeply cared about your relationship... friendship. You took another sip of your drink. You saw the door open and in came Eddie. He still appeared visibly irritated. He didn't say anything as he sat down smelling like the cigarette he just smoked. "Eds I thought you were quitting." You said. He didn't look at you. He refused. "And I thought we told each other everything. Guess we're both wrong." He deadpanned. His bluntness caught you off guard. "Seriously? Why are you so upset, Eddie?" You asked. You weren't expecting it to bother him so much. "I just thought you were always honest with me. I never thought you would hide things from me." He stated. Steve furrowed his eyebrows. "She didn't hide anything from you man. She just didn't get the chance to tell you." Steve said defending you. Eddie finally looked at you. "When the hell were you planning on telling me?" He asked.

You were at a loss for words. The hell were you supposed to say. "I um...was gonna tell you today, actually." You stammered. Eddie didn't look like he believed you but he didn't bother asking you anything else. Everyone basically tried to move on from the now awkward conversation. You on the other hand were trying to drown your thoughts by getting to the bottom of your glasses. You got up once again to grab the other two glasses from the bar. The guys looked at Steve. “Is Y/N okay? She seems a little off.” Mike questioned him. Steve didn’t know how to respond. “Yeah she usually doesn’t ever stay this quiet.” Dustin said. “Or drink this much.” Gareth added fully knowing you never went past drinking two glasses of alcohol before. Eddie was quiet too. Was something really wrong with his best friend? Why would Steve know and not him? Eddie was slowly starting to freak out in his head that he was possibly losing you as his friend. That was something he refused to let happen. “I’m sure she’s fine. I think she’s been stressed at work is all.” Steve said as he managed to come up with an excuse. 

You came back excited to be carrying two more glasses. You sat back down and didn’t waste time to start drinking. “Y/N.” Eddie said your name softly trying to get your attention. “Be honest. Are you okay?” He asked. The question caught you off guard. “Why wouldn’t I be?” “You’ve been acting really weird.” Jeff stated. “Just answer the question.” Eddie pressed. Next thing you knew your attention was taken away when Bernie the owner of the Hideout came to the table. “Guys I’m having a bit of an emergency. Our performer canceled tonight. Do you think your band could play?” He asked looking at Eddie. “We can’t. We don’t have any of our stuff or anything prepared. I’m here for my bachelor party. Eddie explained. Bernie looked beyond stress. “Shit, the evening rush is gonna be coming in less than five minutes and they’re all gonna be expecting something being played live.” He said as he freaked out. Something clicked in your head. “I can go up.” You stated. You weren’t sure why you volunteered yourself. Maybe it was the fact that you downed three glasses of OJ and vodka but you had an odd amount of confidence. “You will?” Eddie asked. He hadn’t realized you had performed anything before. For argument’s sake you hadn’t but you were suddenly willing to try. You nodded. “Are you sure?” Bernie asked you. “Sure, why not?” Bernie had a huge smile on his face. “Kid, you’re a lifesaver. Is there anything specific you need for your performance?” You thought for a second. “You by chance have an acoustic guitar back stage?”  Bernie nodded. “Yeah. Just the one. Why don’t you head back there and get ready.” You got up without a word and went backstage. You had been back there many times in the past after Eddie’s gigs to always tell him how great he was. This time was different since that obviously wasn’t the case. You found the guitar and grabbed it. You leaned against the wall behind you as you strummed the guitar to see if it needed tuning and it definitely did.

After tuning it you decided to spend the next few minutes to practice playing the beat of the song. You already knew how it was supposed to go. You just wanted to make sure it sounded right. A minute later Bernie walked up to you. “Okay we’ve worked up a pretty big crowd. Its time for you to go up. Are you ready?” He asked. You took in a shaky breath and nodded. He walked you to a stool in the middle of the stage. You took a seat and he then left to pull the curtains open. Your heart started to beat incredibly fast as the stage lights blinded you. You looked out to the crowd. There was easily about 30 people out there. Your eyes met Eddie’s as he appeared to be studying you. He was generally curious to see how you would do. The mic went on and you cleared your throat. “Um hi. I-I’m Y/N L/N. I don’t usually perform here. Actually...I don’t perform at all so this will be my first time.” You stated. “Just sing something already!” Some guy shouted from the crowd which made you nervous. “Hey shut the hell up.” Eddie turned to look at the guy. The guy thankfully didn’t say anything else. “So I’m going to sing this song I wrote. It’s called Honest. It is pretty important to me.” 

You started to strum the guitar. You took a deep breath and began to sing. 

Listen, I've got something to tell you. You looked up to Eddie. As you sang.

And no, I don't know how it'll sound. I was never good at conversations. Whisper when I meant to scream out. You took in another breath and looked back down at the guitar in your hands. All of these feelings are saying, That I could never find a better love, better love than you. The silence is killing me, doll. The chorus was coming up. You thought. That's how I know I haven't said enough. Said enough. If my heart had a voice. It'd cut through the chaos, cut through the noise. If my heart had a choice. I'd tell you the stories. I'd always avoid. I'd be honest to you, honest to God. If my heart had a voice. You decided to look back up at the crowd who was deathly quiet. Distance won't make me forget you. This line made you think of how you didn’t get to spend any time with him during the two months and yet you still thought about him. Won't you please just ask me to stay. I know that I can be frustrating. Promise you, my touch will explain. All of these feelings are saying. That I could never find a better love. Better love than you. The silence is killing me, doll. That's how I know I haven't said enough. Said enough. If my heart had a voice. It'd cut through the chaos, cut through the noise. If my heart had a choice. I'd tell you the stories. I'd always avoid. I'd be honest to you, honest to God. If my heart had a voice. You began to hum the harmony as you strummed. You took another deep breath. If my heart had a voice. It'd cut through the chaos, cut through the noise. If my heart had a choice

I'd tell you the stories. I'd always avoid. I'd be honest to you, honest to God. You stopped strumming as you had completed the song. You hadn’t realized it until now that there was tears in your eyes. 

The crowd was silent for a bit but then everyone started clapping and cheering. You breathed in deeply. The breath was shaky. Tears kept streaming down your face. They wouldn’t stop. You put the guitar down and walked out of the building. You felt like you couldn’t breathe from all the emotions that were coming at you all at once. You took a deep breath. You leaned forward and placed your hands on your knees as you breathed out. The door opened but you were too distraught by your emotions to even process the fact that someone was approaching you. It wasn’t until you felt a hand on your back that you realized your weren’t alone. “Baby, you did so great.” It was Eddie. Your muse. Did he know? “I didn’t realize you could sing. I’m so proud of you.” He showed his support as he kept rubbing circles on your back. You stood up straight. “Thank you.” You said almost in a hushed tone. Eddie brought you into his arms. “That guy isn’t worth it if he’s making you feel that way.” You heard him say softly into your ear. 

You were confused by his comment. “Huh?” “That guy, you’re seeing. From the library.” He said. Oh my god. He really didn’t know then. He pulled away from you and rested his hands on your shoulders as he looked into your eyes. “The song was about him. Wasn’t it?” He asked. You had two options. Either lie through your teeth and just say you were planning on leaving this so called library guy. Or you could tell the truth and be honest with him. That’s what your wrote the song about anyways. Being honest with yourself and him. That would be the right thing right? “No. It wasn’t.” You admitted. “Then who was it-” “It was about you.” You stated cutting him. It felt like all the air in your lungs was just sucked right out of you. The silence between the two of you was deadly. “I love you. I’m in love with you.” You said as you broke the silence. “Y/N...” “You shouldn’t marry Kendra. Y-You can’t marry her.” “Y/N. You’re drunk.” He tried to argue. He found this all too hard to believe. “I-I’m not.” You shook your head. “Yes you are. You need to go home Y/N. You don’t know what you’re saying.” He said as he grabbed your arm and began to pull you inside. “Yes. I do. Why won’t you believe me?” You asked as he stayed quiet. Eddie made his way back to the table with you. “Harrington take her home.” He said to Steve. 

Steve looked confused. “Why? The party isn’t over.” He said. “It is for her. She’s drunk.” Eddie argued. Steve shook his head. “She seems fine to me-” “Well she’s not fine, so please take her home.” “Eddie I-” You wanted to defend your sobriety but Eddie wouldn’t have any of it. “Harrington. Now.” “Alright fine. Jesus Christ man.” Steve got up from his chair walked over to you. “Come on Y/N. Lets get you home.” You started crying again. The waterworks coming right back. You didn’t say anything as you walked back out by yourself. You walked all the way to Steve’s car. Steve followed shortly after. He opened the car for you and you got into the passenger seat in silence. “Y/N are you-” “Just drive Steve.”

You kept crying as Steve obliged and started his drive towards your house.  You sniffled. “I told him Steve.” You finally spoke. “I finally told him how I felt, and he didn’t believe me.” You explained. “He didn’t?” He asked as he turned to look at you briefly. You shook your head. “No. He said I was just drunk." You sniffed and wiped your nose. "I know I was drinking a lot but I-I...I'd know if I was drunk." You cried even more. Steve was so angry at Eddie at wasn't even funny but he said nothing about it.

****************************************************************************************

That next day the four of you were at Family Video again. "I just don't get why he wouldn't believe you." Robin was furious. "It doesn't make any sense. I mean you were sober enough to play guitar and sing that song. That man is an idiot." She continued. Nancy rubbed your back. "I'm really proud of you Y/N. I know how hard that must have been for you." She said. You tried so hard not to cry this time. "It just hurts so much. He didn't even want to consider that it might've been true, despite if I was sober or not.” You clutched your chest. “It hurts to think about him. It just hurts to even see him.” You say. “Then don’t.” Robin replied. “I can’t just not see him, Robin. It feels like he is everywhere. Hell I’m even supposed to go to his wedding. I can’t just avoid him. Hawkins is too small.” She looked deep in thought. “You’re right. Hawkins is too small. but you can leave.” You were confused. She wanted you to leave Hawkins? “Do you not want me around?” You asked. “Well of course I do but not if it means you’re not happy, and lets face it, you haven’t been happy here in a long time. I think you could use a fresh start. One where Eddie isn’t around.” Robin explained to you.

All she really wanted was what is best for you and she did bring up a great point, there was no way you’d be happy here in Hawkins. It started to feel like you were living life in hell. As if life had seen all your fears and worst nightmares and decided to make it a brutal reality that you honestly couldn’t stand. The idea was tempting to say the least. “I guess a fresh start would be nice...but I would miss Eddie too much. I would miss you guys too much. Hawkins is my home. You guys are my home.” You said as the thought brought tears to your eyes. “No this isn’t fair. Y/N shouldn’t have to leave because Eddie is the biggest dumbass to walk this Earth, okay? It should be him leaving.” Steve interjected. You shook your head. “Yeah but that isn’t gonna happen obviously. Look Robin is right. If I want a fighting chance to heal and to survive this heartbreak I need to leave.” Nancy started to cry now. “Y/N you can’t leave. You’re my best friend. What about all of our movie nights? Our late night chats over the phone? I don’t want to lose all of that.” You hugged her and also cried freely. “We can still talk over the phone when I leave Nance. This is something that I have to do. Eddie made his choice. No it’s time to make mine.”

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adele lyrics.  (  from 30.  )

❛  every anniversary i’ll pay respects and say i’m sorry. ❛  i’ve never seen the sky this colour before. ❛  no one knows what it’s like to be us. ❛  will i ever get there? ❛  i hope that someday i’ll learn to nurture what i’ve done. ❛  i know there is hope in these waters but i can’t bring myself to swim. ❛  go easy on me, baby. ❛  i changed who i was to put you both first but now i give up. ❛  i was still a child, didn’t get the chance to feel the world around me. ❛  there ain’t no room for things to change when we are both so deeply stuck in our ways. ❛  you can’t deny how hard i have tried. ❛  i had good intentions and the highest hopes. ❛  i know you feel lost, it’s my fault completely. ❛  i’m so far gone and you’re the only one who can save me. ❛  when you lay on me, can you hear the way my heart breaks? ❛  i wanted you to have everything i never had. ❛  i feel like today is the first day since i left him that i feel lonely. ❛  i always preferred being on my own than being with people. ❛  and i feel like today, i'm home and i wanna be at home. i just wanna watch TV and curl up in a ball and be in my sweats and stuff like that, but i just feel really lonely. i feel a bit frightened that i might feel like this a lot. ❛  when you’re in doubt, go at your own pace. ❛  i have nothing to feel no more, i can’t even cry. ❛  when will i begin to feel like me again? ❛  when i wake up i’m afraid at the idea of facing the day. ❛  i would rather stay home on my own, drink it all away. ❛  please stop calling me, it’s exhausting. ❛  i created this storm, it’s only fair i have to sit in its rain. ❛  i know that it’s wrong but i want to have fun. ❛  oh my god, i can’t believe it. out of all the people in the world what is the likelihood of jumping out of my life and into your arms? ❛  i don’t have to explain myself to you. i am a grown woman and i do what i want to do. ❛  teetering on the edge of heaven and hell is a battle i cannot fight. ❛  i will beg and i’ll steal, i will borrow if i can make your heart my home. ❛  can i get it right now? can i get it? ❛  you tease me with your control because i long to live under your spell. ❛  when will you run with me like i know you want to? ❛  you’re the one for me and i’m counting on you to put the pieces of me back together. ❛  how come we’ve both become a version of a person we don’t even like? ❛  i hope i learn to get over myself. ❛  everybody wants something, you just want me. ❛  why am i seeking approval from people i don’t even know? ❛  i need some substance in my life, something real, something that feels true. ❛  you get the brunt of it all cause you’re all i’ve got left. ❛  i hope in time we both will find peace of mind. ❛  sometimes, the road less traveled is a road best left behind. ❛  i didn’t get to go on and make new memories with him. there were just memories in a big storm. ❛  when i’m out at a party, i’m just excited to get home and dream about you. all night long. ❛  every time you text i want to get on the next flight home. ❛  maybe it’s the way you remind me of where i come from or how you make me feel beautiful. and then some. ❛  i want to be lost in you but not in this way. ❛  if you don’t choose to grow we ain’t ever gonna know just how good this could be. ❛  complacency is the worst trait to have. ❛  are you crazy? you ain’t ever had a woman like me. ❛  consistency is the gift to give for free and it is key to ever keep a woman like me. ❛  it’s where they make you feel powerful. that’s why you think i make you feel small. ❛  i put my heart on the line for the very first time because you asked me to and now you’ve gone and changed your mind. ❛  loving you was a breakthrough. i saw what my heart can really do. now someone else will get the love i have for you. ❛  hold on. you are still strong, love will soon come. ❛  i am so tired of battling with myself with no chance to win. ❛  let time be patient. let pain be gracious. ❛  every day feels like the road i’m on might just open up and swallow me whole. ❛  how do i feel so mighty small when i’m struggling to feel at all? ❛  sometimes loneliness is the only rest we get and the emptiness actually lets us forget. ❛  sometimes forgiveness is easiest in secret. ❛  i’m as lost now as i was back then. ❛  i’ll never learn if i never leap. ❛  i’ll always yearn if i never speak. ❛  to be loved and love at the highest count means to lose all the things i can’t live without. ❛  let it be known that i will choose to lose. it’s a sacrifice but i can’t live a lie. ❛  let it be known that i’ve tried. ❛  looking back, i don’t regret a thing. yeah, i took some bad turns that i’m owning. ❛  i’ll stand still and let the storm pass by. keep my heart safe til the time feels right. ❛  all your expectations of my love are impossible. ❛  my heart speaks in puzzle and codes i’ve been trying my whole life to solve. ❛  love is a game for fools to play. ❛  heartache, it’s inevitable. but i’m no good at doing it well. ❛  i can’t keep up when i keep changing my mind. ❛  i love me now, like i love him. ❛  i’m a fool for that. you know i’m gonna do it. ❛  i’d do it all again like i did it.