#because i for one feel as if i need a bit of a ✨ cleansing ✨ right now i guess you could say JSJSJ

[thetarotwitch111]

How can you improve your self esteem? - Pick a card witchcraft

One of this piles actually resonated so much for me that i even teared up. May your guides and the Universe lead you to find the best information here too. Axé!

✨Enjoyed the reading? A tip would be a sweet way to help me keep these free insights coming. Thanks so much for your support!

✨ I always use tarot cards and oracle cards for the reedings. Here i used the tarot, the work your light oracle and the prism oracle.

✨ I also channel messages from my guides and add them to the reading.

✨I hope this reading brings you some clarity and guidance. If it resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it!

✨ And if you’re looking for something more personal, I also do individual readings—just DM me anytime.

✨ TIPS ✨

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask you guides and the Universe take you to the message you need to read right now.

✨1 - the potion

it’s time to let go of the past and any feelings of regret or missed opportunities. You’ve been holding on to some friends that you’ve lost, and that have left you feeling down, but there’s a reason for all that. They cleared the path for something better that aligns more with who you are now. You’re about to meet people so much more aligned to you and your energy. You’re on the brink of a major shift and being called to open up to new possibilities that are way more in tune with who you are now, not who you were in the past. This is about recognizing that the past doesn’t define your future, your choices do. Start accepting that those chapters are closed and focus on the new opportunities that are coming your way. This shift in mindset is the first step to feeling more confident and at peace with yourself.

And also, step into your power! You’ve got all these dreams and desires, and sometimes it feels like they’re just floating around in the ether, waiting to be grounded in reality. You’re someone who feels deeply, loves deeply, and maybe even dreams with your head in the clouds sometimes. But now it’s time to bring those dreams down to earth and start taking real steps towards them. This is about letting your inner romantic and creative self out to play, whether that means diving into a project, expressing your feelings to someone special, or simply embracing the things that make your heart beat a little faster. Life is too short to hold back, so go ahead and wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re more powerful when you’re true to yourself.

Witch’s advice:

Make a me time with a simple ritual: start with a cleansing bath, from head to toe, using a infusion with lavender, basil, rosemary and chamomile to wash away any lingering doubts and negative energy that might be holding you back. As the water soothes you, imagine it carrying away all your worries and leaving you feeling refreshed and ready to embrace the new and dont rinse off.

After your bath, keep a piece of rose quartz close to your heart and meditate on who you truly are, what you love, and what you want for your life. This crystal will help you nurture that self-love and remind you that you’re worthy of all the good things coming your way. Pair it with citrine, a crystal that’s all about abundance and joy, to attract those positive vibes and keep your energy high.

And because a good cup of tea never fails, brew yourself some dry orange, lavender and vanilla tea. As you sip, take a moment to reflect on what brings you joy, what lights you up, and set an intention to bring more of that into your life. You’d be amazed at how a simple ritual like this can shift your energy already. ✨

✨2 - the oracle

You've been in a bit of a struggle lately, haven't you? It feels like there's been a lot of tension, some conflict, but the good news is that the chaos is starting to calm down and now you can actually hear yourself think. That’s huge because your intuition is seriously on fire right now. You’ve always been someone who picks up on things that others miss, and lately, you’ve probably been keeping a lot of that to yourself, just trying to figure out what’s up. But here’s the thing: you need to start trusting those vibes and letting them guide you. You know what’s best for you, even if it feels like no one else gets it.

it looks like you’re ready to make some bold moves. You’re clear-minded, determined, and you know what you want and nothing is going to stand in your way. Just be careful not to rush things too much. remember that sometimes the best action comes from a mix of speed and strategy.

Also accept that you’re not exactly like everyone else, and that’s f****** perfect! Own it. Sometimes you feel like a total weirdo, like you’re from another planet or something, right? But guess what? That’s your superpower. You’re not here to blend in; you’re here to shake things up. You’ve got this unique way of seeing the world, and yeah, it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s exactly what makes it so important. The world needs people like you who aren’t afraid to question the sistems, to push boundaries, and to bring in fresh perspectives.

So embrace your weirdness, share your thoughts, even if they’re not what people expect and trust your instincts, because they’re leading you exactly where you need to go. The more you lean into who you really are, the more confident you’ll feel. And don’t forget: Your voice is powerful, so use it.

You’re about to wrap up a huge chapter in your life, and it’s going to feel so good. Everything you’ve been working on is coming together, and you’re stepping into this new phase where you can finally breathe and enjoy.

Witch’s advice:

Get some rosemary and boldo infusion for a cleansing bath, head to toe, with no rinse, to clear away any lingering bad vibes and sharpen that intuition even more. Light a white candle to connect with your higher self and set those intentions and grab some amethyst to keep your energy calm and clear, and carnelian to keep that motivation high. You’ve got this, babe. Now go out there and rock your world. 💫

✨Pile 3 - the candle

I can see you’ve been feeling pretty low lately, maybe like you’re out in the cold, struggling to find your footing. It’s like you’ve been dealing with some tough times financially, emotionally, or maybe even both, feeling isolated, or like you’re facing these challenges all on your own. But really, it’s just a phase. This is a moment where you can start shifting that energy. You’re stronger than you think, and there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Trust that you’re never alone, even when it feels like it. The spirits are with you, guiding you through the darkness.

You’ve got this incredible spark, this passion and confidence that just shines when you let it. You’re a natural leader, someone who can take charge and inspire others. This is a time to really step into that power, to remember who you are cause you got a lot to offer the world, my dear. Even when life’s hard, you’ve still got that fierce energy inside you. It’s time to reignite it and use it to your advantage. And you’ve got that golden touch for your dreams with the wisdom and the practicality to build something solid, something that will last.

And you’ve got that golden touch to make your dreams come true with wisdom and the practicality to build something that will last. This is about laying the groundwork for the future you want. Be patient, be steady, and trust that the seeds you’re planting now will grow into something beautiful and abundant. You have the strength and the skill to turn your visions into reality! believe that, and keep moving forward.

And oh, the celebration that’s coming your way! You’re on the verge of a big win, a moment where you’re going to feel truly proud of yourself. It’s like all the hard work you’ve been putting in is finally paying off, and you’re going to have a reason to kick back and really enjoy the results. This is about feeling supported, loved, and recognized for everything you’ve achieved. Don’t shy away from celebrating your victories cause you’ve earned this!

But, there’s still some shadow work to do. It’s time to break free from the old patterns, the ones that have been passed down through generations. These cycles of pain and rejection—they’ve been with you for too long. Now is the moment to cleanse yourself, to release what no longer serves you, and to step into a new way of being. This is about healing those deep wounds, not just for yourself, but for those who came before you and those who will come after.

Witch’s advice:

I want you to light a purple candle and set the intention to break those ancestral ties that have been keeping you in negative cycles. Ask your guides and the universe to bring in the energy of transformation and transmutation. Let that candle be a symbol of your commitment to moving forward, free from the past.

Also, do a cleansing ritual. Use herbs like sage or palo santo to cleanse your space and yourself, removing any lingering negative vibes. And since you’ve got some deep transformation energy around you, keep a piece of obsidian and an amethyst cluster. These crystals will help absorb any negativity and protect you as you step into this new era.

[btsgotjams27]

bad habits | pjm

summary: you go to jimin's one last time.

✨ title: bad habits | ✨ pairing: jimin x f!reader ✨ word count: 1.1k | ✨ rating: m/18+, minors dni ✨ genre/au: pwp, smut | idol!au, fuck buddies ✨ warnings: language, kissing, dirty talk(?), groping, breast play, oral (m receiving), cum swallowing ✨ a/n: i was inspired by the song bad habits but from a cover that i came across hehe. give it a listen! & happy birthday to my jiminie.

Bad habits led you to his place, his hands, his lips, his bed, and to mornings alone. But that was the deal. When Park Jimin, a member of BTS, calls, you answer.

It's been rinse and repeat for the last year or so, but you knew you couldn't keep living life like this. You'd constantly leave your friend hangouts without explanation and give some stupid excuse. You couldn't date someone even if you wanted to because being with Jimin was all-consuming.

PJM 1:30 AM

Need you.

You were already tucked in bed when your phone buzzed, the phone illuminating your face as you stared back at the two words teasing you.

It's been a while since he's texted you, and you figured he moved on to someone new, but you supposed with this text that maybe he hadn't.

You 1:32 AM Be there in 15.

You didn't want to text him back, but he needed to hear your truth. He needed to understand why you couldn't be his fuck buddy anymore.

When you arrived and knocked on his door, he immediately opened it, pulling you in, connecting his mouth to yours, giving you no time to breathe. "Jimin, we can't keep doing this," you whimper as he continues pressing open-mouth kisses on your jaw and down your neck.

He grinned as he briefly looked at you. "But you love it when I do this," referring to the kisses on your neck, which was your weakness. His hands began to untie the trench coat you were wrapped in.

You gripped his hand from continuing, but it wasn't long before he got his way. "This--Jimin--us," he elicits another moan from you when you feel his erection pressed against your stomach. "I always say one thing and do another, you know that." Again, another bad habit of yours, and you didn't want to be wishy-washy anymore. It was time to cleanse yourself of your sins - the biggest one being Park Jimin.

He smirked when he had full access to you, finding out that you had no clothing underneath your trench except for a matching set of black lingerie. He groaned at the sight, causing his strained cock to twitch under his black silk robe. "Like when you say you're a good girl, but you're begging for me to put my cock in that pretty little mouth? Doesn't sound like a good girl to me."

Fuck--you hated it, but he was right.

Jimin took both breasts in his hands, kneading and pinching your nipples. He slightly removed the black lace bra, just enough to lean down to take a nipple in his mouth. "I love it when you do the opposite of what you say, and it drives me fucking insane."

You groaned at the loss of his mouth. You would miss how he was shameless when it came to you, to sex, and to that mouth of his.

"Jimin..." you whimpered when he began trailing kisses down to your navel, lightly brushing above the elastic of your underwear. He hummed on his knees, continuing to the one thing he wanted. It was a bit embarrassing when his fingers parted your underwear - your arousal already sticking to it as he pulled it away. Jimin connected his mouth to your clit, causing you to moan. "Jimin...please," you pleaded, holding onto his soft cheeks, trying to pull him away from you. "Can we just focus on you tonight?"

He peered up, conceding with what you asked of him, and he wasn't going to deny if you were offering. Jimin stood, slightly towering over you, his hands caging you against the wall, waiting for your next move.

Untangling the tie holding his robe, he was clearly aroused. You glanced at him before palming and gently stroking him outside his black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. His eyes never leaving yours. He loved watching you put his cock in your pretty little mouth, loved the way you swallowed him whole, loved the way tears would fall as you continued to push him further and further until he hit the back of your throat. But unfortunately for him, this would be the last time he'd get to see you like this.

Dropping to your knees, you peeled his boxers, letting his cock spring out before you. Your mouth was salivating, ready to take him in. God, it's been too long since you've had him in your mouth, and to be honest, you'd miss this. Holding the base of his cock with your right and gripping the back of his thigh with your left, you swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock, causing him to hiss.

"God-I missed your mouth so much."

You scoffed a little before sucking his tip fully, starting to bob up and down his length. He held his palm against the wall to keep himself up, his breathing ragged as you were focused on switching between sucking him off and stroking him. The saliva dripping down your mouth indicated that you were working overtime to hurry and end this as soon as possible.

"Fuck--baby, if you keep doing that. You're gonna make me come."

That was your intention, you thought. Your eyes flitted to his, "You don't wanna come?"

"I do, but I want that pussy first."

Well, that's not going to happen. You shook your head. "I'm focused on you tonight."

Jimin chuckled. "If you say so."

You licked the pre-cum leaking out from his tip, causing him to moan and speak curses along with your name. You could feel the hardness of his length in your hand as you continued to stroke him rapidly while hollowing your cheeks to get him hitting the back of your throat.

The muscles in his abdomen begin to tighten as he chases his climax, the throbbing of his cock going wild in your desperate attempt to make him blow his load. Deep grunts and lewd-sucking noises echoed throughout his apartment.

You knew Jimin was going come when he started playing with your hair - it was his favorite thing to do. His fingers gently stroked your scalp until it wasn't so gentle. The fire in his abdomen finally reached its peak as he released warm spurts of his cum into your mouth. He let out a few shaky breaths when you continued to milk him of everything he had.

Pulling away, you swallowed everything in your mouth, wiping away the saliva and dribbling of leftover cum. You rose to your feet from the ground, your knees reddened from the cold tile.

Jimin giggled, connecting his mouth to yours, tasting himself on you. "Damn, baby."

You didn't even acknowledge his comment. Instead, you said what you came here to say. "I met someone."

And that's when Jimin knew he couldn't let anyone else have you.

[count-alucard-tepes]

S/O notices a stray eyebrow hair on their special sweetheart hotties face. It may be like poking a bear in their sleep and they look so peaceful, but. . . For the greater good. Grab the tweezers and gently position themselves to ✨ pluck ✨

OP Hotties wake up to finding their S/O giving them a full facial massage with cleansing, moisturizing, serums, and eye cream. For the finishing touch, a face mask.

S/O: You need to take better care of yourself.

Kizaru✨

He wakes up and reaches over to his face, “…I see why so women like these so much…I think I could get used to it”.

Akainu🌋

He smiled a little when he felt his S/O doing that to his skin and just continued to close his eyes, “…I try you know…but these do feel much better so I’ll leave you in charge of taking care of me”.

Ryokugyu 🌱

He huffed a little, “…this is too much for me, sweetie…”, he said with a grin before touching his skin and then sighing.

Fujitora 🐅

He thinks it’s cute that they were doing this for him but he would never continue it as it’s just not something he could keep up with, “thank you for caring, my love”, he’d say before giving a few kisses.

Sir Crocodile 🐊

He enjoys it far too much and would book appointments together where he and his S/O could go for spa treatments every month.

Doflamingo Donquixote 🦩

He loves it, “…I’ve been getting it done for a long time, love…I’ve just neglected myself for a little bit because I’ve been busy”, he’d say with a little smile.

Benn Beckman 🔫

He sighs softly, “…I don’t have time for all these things, love…it’s just not my style”, he’d give an excuse for just not taking care of himself.

Katakuri Charlotte 🍡

He smiles and blushes a little, “…that’s why I have you to remind me”, he said gently as he let his S/O continue to pamper him.

Killer🔪

He feels shy because he doesn’t like to show his face to anyone but his S/O, “…no one but you sees my face so I think I can survive without it”, he said with a smile.

Kaido🐉

“Hm…I like when you pamper me though…because I know you love me”, he’d say with a little smile before falling asleep again.

King👑

He would give a little smile in response, “…my heart, I shall let you be in charge of this if it makes you happy”, he said gently but secretly he totally loves it.

Queen👑

He hums a little in response, “…you can take care of it from now onwards”, he said giving his S/O some kisses of appreciation.

Izou🔫🔫

“My dear, I always take care of my skin but I think from now we could do this together “, he said with a little smile, clearly enjoying the pampering.

Dragon D Monkey 🐉🐒

He thinks it’s cute that his S/O was so concerned about his skincare but he wasn’t too interested in it, “..:thank you but I’ll pass on this one, love”.

[glittertomb]

(There’s a fun exercise for expelling negative energy in bold font at the bottom if you don’t have the time or energy to read all of this)

I’ve been trying to live my life by the seasons more… such as shopping for seasonal crops, decorating my home festively, changing my altar with more regularity, following the moon and different celestial periods more carefully, celebrating holidays and practicing rituals instead of letting them pass me by, preparing myself and my space for upcoming changes, and fully immersing myself in different activities for the current weather… ✨so✨I decided to have a little Mabon celebration last night even though I’m in the middle of a chaotic move and torn between three places.

I spent all day methodically cleaning and preparing my new space, which was both coincidental and intentional because I’m unpacking boxes and cleansing myself of stuff I don’t need and organizing the things I do need in an aesthetically pleasing but functional way. And when I tuckered myself out I went into the backyard (yay, I finally have a yard 🥺🙏🏻) to commune with nature and eat wild apples while keeping an eye on my exploring housecat. Then I made an eggplant, cauliflower, bok choy, ginger, and green pepper stirfry to enjoy with my sister and her boyfriend (and he made onigiri which was so so tasty), and we drank witches brew and watched the live action One Piece and it was really cozy and cute. But now I’m getting to the part I’m really excited to tell you about! It starts out a bit sad but gets good, I promise.

I have a lot of old trauma that’s manifested itself in awful ways into my body such as chronic pain, chronic nausea, vagus nerve issues, and crippling anxiety, and all of this has recently culminated into the worst my health has ever been. Unfortunately, I was so deep in medical debt from surgeries, doctor appointments, medications, natural remedies, coping devices, therapy appointments, and disorder testing for almost 10 years (which sadly amounted to neither answers nor reprieve), that I couldn’t afford more care or to take time off so I could try to heal, so I was not only still suffering but feeling completely hopeless. On top of all of that, I just went through half a year of horror because I moved in with an old, dear friend who turned out to not be so dear as I thought and he was manipulative, moody, narcissistic, codependent, judgmental, filthy, and disrespectful of my boundaries, so my hair was falling out in clumps due to stress and I wasn’t taking care of my body because I was genuinely afraid to use the bathroom, kitchen, and other living spaces. This friendship loss was really discouraging because I’ve had to let go of both of my best friends this calendar year as well for reasons I don’t want to go into, but let’s just say that they were both habitually selfish, inconsiderate, and emotionally immature, so even though I love them and miss them terribly I had to move on. As if that were not enough, my job was taxing physically, mentally, and emotionally, and was not respecting my scheduling or disability boundaries, and because of staffing issues I felt obligated to work these ridiculous 12+ hour shifts because no one else could or would. All this to say that I felt like a broken-down, miserable, rotten, and weary version of myself and had lots of bitterness, hopelessness, negative energy, and old trappings to release myself from; so moving into a new space right at the change of the seasons would be a perfect time to do it!

What I decided to do when I went back home after dinner was write a list of things I wanted to expel, and I encourage you to do so as well! This can be bad habits, old mentalities, feelings of self-doubt, relationships that no longer serve you, just anything that’s holding you back from the life you want to live. I noted where I would experience sensations in my physical body as I wrote these things down (for example, as I was writing to you above about these friendships, I felt an ache in my chest and a burning sensation in my arms and throat), because that’s where the body is internalizing these feelings and where you’ll have to do extra work in the release process. Now it’s time for the fun part!

First, I played Shake it Off by Taylor Swift and danced, focusing on literally shaking off the old energy from parts of my body where I was experiencing negative physical sensations. I think this song is a great place to start because you can feel pretty silly doing this at first, but the whole vibe of this song is “who cares about looking silly and who cares about what the haters think”. I’m kinda my own biggest hater and have a ton of self doubt, so I actually had to go for a second round of this song until I started feeling comfortable enough, and hey, that’s okay!

Once I got into the grove, I played Dust Me Off by Tilly & the Wall and continued to dance, shake my body, and dust off all the sadness, fear, doubt, anger, hurt, and anxiety that I’ve been holding on to for so so so long. I’m allowed to forgive myself for old transgressions. I’m allowed to move on from ancient painful memories. I’m allowed to put down old habits, feelings, friendships, and places and open myself up to new ones!

Now that I was really releasing, it was time to get spiritual with Shake it Out by Florence Welch. I shook, I spun around, I flailed, until I cast off the “devil on [my] back” and let myself sway to the end of the song. It was cathartic, it was healing, it was soothing, it helped me work off that cookie I had after dinner, and afterwards I had a really wonderful sleep and woke up feeling more empowered to take on the day.

It was such a good exercise that I wanted to share it with everyone and I will definitely be revisiting it next time I’m feeling stagnated, overburdened, or depressed. I’m going to continue in the spirit of Mabon today with a little bit of tea, meditation, and maybe even decorating my altar with some early-autumn leaves, so don’t feel like it’s too late to try this just because Mabon was technically yesterday. 😊🍁🧡

And p.s. Feel free to message me other songs about shaking out the old or dusting off bad feelings. I’m inspired to make a playlist.

P.p.s. It’s in a little bit of a different vein but I just remembered Sweeping Spell by Faun Fables, which is about sweeping out old energies and cleaning up your home while you prepare for the dark season. 🧹🧹🧹

P.p.s.s. I first learned about releasing trauma through physical movement when reading The Body Keeps the Score, but that book is a bit tiresome and the author is a problematic old man, so I will post a list of better books to read on the subject soon 💜💜love yous and I hope you experience more peace after doing this!

[jakexneytiri]

ahh that was so fun to read, I love learning more about my favorite writers hehe🤭

I hope you don't mind that since you shared yours I'll share mine with you as well🙈

and omggg we actually have the same skin type so I'm taking notes of some the products you use🤓📝

I usually start off by washing my face with cleanser that makes some sort of foam because I feel like that cleanses my face better. then I use oxy total care clarifying moisturizer that has 2.5% benzoyl peroxide which completed obliterated my stubborn acne over a year ago in the span of just a few days so I've always stuck to that moisturizer no matter what. I don't even have to use it every day. If I notice some flare ups- I just go back to the regime and it'll fix it. since it can be a bit drying, I use a light moisturizer on top but since it's summer, my face gets oily very easily so during the day I apply the second moisturizer only over my eye area to keep it hydrated. for spot treatment I just use oxy rapid spot treatment with 10% benzoyl peroxide and make sure to apply it to my nose if I wear sunscreen (as sunscreen gives me annoying under the skin pimples on my nose) but that completely prevents it so I ✨love✨ it then biore spf 50 watery essence sunscreen (it's very light) for make up I just use elf instant lift brow pencil for my eyebrows, I love the little brush it has. and finally some tinted red chapstick to keep my lips moist at night If I'm not too lazy, I'll double cleanse using ponds cold cream and a warm wet towel then use one of my regular foaming cleansers I use the same moisturizers as the day time but apply the second moisturizer over my whole face as well and the spot treatment(if needed) under my moisturizers

I think my explanation was a bit over wordy but oh well😬

you🫵 definitely cured some of my boredom💗hehe

of course i don’t mind!! ooooh i need to give the oxy a try! and the biore sounds so nice and refreshing 🤩

i’m glad i could cure some of your boredom <3

[beatingdrumspouringwine]

✨ 📿 💌

✨

For patron deities, I think it's a sort of yes, sort of no? I definitely take Dionysos as my patron in terms of queerness, but if there was any deity who would fulfil the traditional role of a patron deity, it would have to be either Hermes, Apollon, or Athena. Unfortunately, Hermes is really the only one I actively pray to, but I've been using this calendar by @thegrapeandthefig to try and add some more deities and festivals into my usual worship rotation, so hopefully I'll be venerating all the deities I should be venerating in no time :)

📿

I did already answer this, but I also have a never-ending list of things to be grateful to the Theoi for, so I'll add on some more:

To Athena, for always being there when I need Her the most (like finals, or idea block when writing papers)

For Hygeia, and Her gift of returning my health to me (I was sick with a cold for a full month) almost immediately after I asked Her <3

For Zeus, for being an always present Father-figure. I venerate him rarely, but whenever I ask for Him, He is there.

💌

I don't know if this is referencing deity communication i.e., mortal-driven communication (like divination), or divine-driven communication (like signs), so I'll give both because I've experienced both:

For mortal-driven communication, I enjoy reading tarot, although I tend to use it sparingly - more for glaring questions than random things (usually (sometimes I use it for dumb stuff because I like to have fun)). Other than that, the Sapphomanteion is a lesser-used favorite of mine!

For deity-driven communication, I love when Dionysos gives me a sudden change or increase in emotions to let me know that He's close by. I can't quite explain it well, other than that I'll have a neutral emotion one second, and the next, I find myself laughing, or deeply happy, or even overcome with what I can only describe as divine madness (can't quite put a name to the emotion yet), and then it passes by, and I usually feel better, happier, and a bit emotionally cleansed as well :)

[daisynik7]

i swear every time i write to you and i try to remind myself to not make it too long, i'm not trying to write a disquisition professing my love to you, unless... 🫣 but lol i’m trying (no i’m not). anyways returning back to our regularly scheduled program, hi my sweet daisy, i predict only 23 revised paragraphs today, but i’m feeling a little silly tonight, so maybe 24. 

i hope you had a lovely weekend and got lots of rest, by now i’m also hoping you’re completely over covid and feeling fully better. but still being gentle and affectionate to yourself + body because ✨it deserves it✨ fact: i watched a reel of a neurosurgeon saying that deep sleep is basically our bodies way of waste management and cleansing in the brain, so i hope you’re able to have deep, restful sleep and naps that make you wake up and question what year it is 🫶🏼

side note… YOU WROTE STRAWBERRY SOJU, the horrific shriek i let out when i found out you wrote that, my sincerest apologies to my neighbors 🫠 i remember reading the first part of it probably around the time when you first posted it and then i lost it somehow??? and i didn’t even manage to have liked it so it wasn’t saved, but that itch in the back of my brain has been scratched, it was so good!!!! and eren!!! i’ve also added give you blue to my list, looking forward to that 🫶🏼

lastly, if you don’t mind me picking your brain for a moment (or direct me to a post if you’ve already answered!) what got you into writing? i don’t say this enough (or at all :/) but i absolutely love you’re writing, you probably knew that already, but also your writing style(?). it's so well done, but also simple. i applaud you my beautiful writer!!!! and all writers because it’s something i’ve been trying and my brain is just constantly *busy phone signal* so here’s me giving you lots hugs and smooches to that beautiful, sexy, imaginative brain of yours to evade responsibilities for a bit🥰  

anyways i’ve added all the aot characters back on my list of ✨fictional men + women that i’m ugly sobbing over✨ so i’m going to go do that. i hope you have a lovely morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you are, whenever you read this, and enter this upcoming week with fresh ideas, good food, and kind people <3 

okay but every time you write me, I need to resist the urge to propose to you on the spot because omg I am so smitten by you?!? I literally get butterflies every time you send me these amazing, heartfelt messages!! 😭😭😭

I had a great weekend actually! I am completely covid free now and finally got out of my house to spend time with important people in my life :) and I definitely caught up with proper sleep this weekend!

ahhhh, thank you for reading strawberry soju! I am super proud of that fic so I'm so happy you liked it! I saw you post somewhere that you like kbbq, so I hope you enjoyed the little references to that hehe

oh I LOVE having my brain picked! Long story short, I liked writing from a young age and have always had a personality where I would become easily obsessed with certain interests. When I was heavily fixated on the Harry Potter franchise, I would read a lot of fan fiction about it, and eventually, I ended up writing my own (I never finished it lol). I only recently got into anime and quickly became obsessed with it, so my imagination was running wild with fantasies and scenarios. I got back into reading fan fiction and eventually decided that I should put my imagination into something tangible that I could look back on for myself. When I found out that people were actually reading what I wrote and liked it, it encouraged me more to continue! It's been a fun hobby that I've adopted into my regular life. :)

I highly recommend just going for it! For me, it's been therapeutic in a way. It's a nice, temporary escape from my regular life. There's so much that I can't control in reality, but in the stories I create, I can do whatever I want. It's one of the few things in life that I CAN control, which gives me an odd sense of peace. I can already tell that you have such a beautiful way with words, so if you ever decide to truly go for it, just know that you have me to support you completely. 💗

I am still reeling from the aot finale (I just watched it last night). I can't believe it's over!! I will be coping by reading fics hehe.

Have the loveliest morning/afternoon/evening wherever you are! I hope this week brings you lots of joy, laughter, comfort, and whatever else you need to bring you peace. love you thea! ♥️

[daydreamingnightscreaming]

the first step, be clear about what your best version would look like. questions to ask yourself.

what would my best version look like? Happy, healthy, energetic.

what habits would i have? Waking up early every morning, drinking more tea, journaling, having crafting time.

what would my life be like? it would be more peaceful, more quality time together, more doing things together/

what would be my morning and evening routine? Waking up early, drinking coffee/tea, morning reading/journaling, maybe a little yoga, enough time for breakfast, taking care of the kids, going to work, coming home on time, more journaling/reading, some crafting, taking care of the kids again, more quality time with them and Curtis.

what thoughts would i have? More positive ones. Blissful ones. No so scared ones.

what would i focus on? My overall health and being a bad boss bitch.

what thoughts and habits should i leave behind? The overwhelming ones of "i can't do this", hopefully smoking but lord knows, over sleeping/under sleeping.

how would i like to feel? honestly? simply good. not as sick all the time. not in pain.

and lastly…

what can i start doing to connect with this version of me? I think i've already started with taking my vitamins for my hashimotos, even going and getting diagnosed was a big step and even doing this to kind of get me in a good mind set, also! i need to cleanse and clean the office. i need a safe space for this.

you can also add your own questions if they resonate with you, the important thing about this exercise is that you connect a little bit more with that better version of yourself.

from my experience, it is important to focus and work on these three areas of our life at the same time so that none of these areas are out of balance and we can flow to that version more easily.

it is important because i have realized from my own experience and from other people who send me questions that they only focus on one area, in most cases, the habits, and forget others, then when something happens or we go through a bad moment we feel lost and it seems that everything is "wrong" but if we work on these areas at the same time and we nurture them day by day we will have more control of our emotions and thoughts, then we will not stagnate in "bad times". remember, we can always go through bad times but these always bring us a learning experience.

✨ physical

daily movement, create an exercise routine

eating healthy food, for the sake and perfect functioning of our body.

create a daily routine that will help us reach our goals.

healthy habits

hobbies that help us connect with our best self.

focus on the well-being of our body

✨ mental and emotional

read about personal growth, psychology, and topics that will help us to improve our personal best.

journaling

keep a daily record of our emotions, as well as our habits.

focus on what we do want rather than what we don't want

detect what our negative thought patterns are and change them for - more positive ones according to how we want to think and feel from now on.

affirm positively

work on those areas of our life that we need to improve or are damaged

✨ spiritual

healing and balancing both your feminine and masculine energies

develop your intuition

have faith in yourself and in the process of creation (god, universe, energy…)

read about spirituality

meditate day and night

doing energetic cleansing

connect with your spiritual side

love yourself for who you are now

forgive the people who hurt us and forget the past

practice gratitude

practice compassion and tolerance towards yourself and others

connect with nature

this is what i believe brings us closer to becoming our best version, as i am always learning new things about the subject and evolving both personally and spiritually so i will continue to share this in future posts.

as always all questions related to the topic are welcome and if you have any doubts you can also ask.

[luckystorein22]

Every Morning Skincare routine

🌞 Rise and shine! Let's dive into my invigorating morning routine, the ultimate bathing extravaganza! 🚿✨

First things first, I kick-start my day by giving my skin a thorough cleanse using a trusty antibacterial soap. I personally opt for a local gem called Safe Guard, but feel free to choose any soap that effectively eliminates the gunk and grime. Get that buildup out of here!

To achieve a fresh and revitalized complexion, I indulge in a body scrub twice a week—Wednesdays and Sundays are my go-to scrub days. It's like a mini spa session, banishing impurities from my pores, bidding farewell to dead skin cells and product residue. You can join the fun with Dr. Teal's Epsom Salt and Body Scrub or the refreshing Human Nature Volcanic Cooling Body Scrub.

Ah, can't forget my shower gel! The scent of the one I use from Bath and Body Works, the Strawberry Pound Cake Moisturizing Body Wash, is simply irresistible. It's not only affordable but also indulges my senses with its delightful gourmand fragrance.

Now, let's talk scars. As someone who's dealt with childhood battle wounds and bug bites, I understand the struggle. Hydration and knowing the right ingredients to fade those scars are crucial. Personally, I swear by the magical powers of Niacinamide and Vitamin C in lightening those marks. Avon's Green Papaya and Calamansi Lotion or Vaseline's UV Extra Brightening Nourishing Niacinamide Lotion have been my trusted allies in this scar-fading journey.

A touch of fragrance completes my morning ritual. I adore alternating between luscious gourmand scents and delicate floral and powdery notes. My weapon of choice? Fragrance mists! Spritzing myself with Fairytale, JOY, and Marshmallow Pumpkin Latte by BnBW adds that extra touch of magic to my day. Oh, and I've fallen head over heels for the oil-based perfume called Cassiopeia—it's pure enchantment in a bottle!

Now let's move on to my face skin care routine—because glowing skin is always in, honey! 💁‍♀️

To keep things simple, I've been washing my face with just water instead of a cleanser since my teenage years. I know, it's a bit controversial, but it has worked wonders for me.

To combat those pesky eye puffiness, I employ a nifty trick—I glide an ice cube over my eyes. Trust me, it's like a mini wake-up call for your peepers!

Next up, it's time to lavish my skin with some much-needed hydration. I've discovered a moisturizer that's perfect for this summer—it's the Beauty of Joseon Dynasty Cream. This lightweight marvel not only quenches my skin's thirst but also infuses it with youthfulness and radiance. It's a summer dream come true!

Sunscreen is a non-negotiable step in my routine. The one I swear by is the Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence SPF50+ PA++++. It's the only sunscreen that has never caused me to break out. Remember, folks, sunscreen is your best friend!

Now, let's refresh and invigorate our skin with a glorious face mist or facial spray. The Evian Brumisateur Natural Mineral Water Facial Spray does the job perfectly, leaving my skin hydrated and oh-so-fresh!

When it comes to my evening routine, I stick to what works. I maintain the same steps as in the morning, ensuring not to overdo the scrubbing part and keeping my skin well-hydrated. Consistency is key!

After my relaxing bath, it's time for the ultimate face skin care routine!

Double cleansing is the name of the game, folks. This powerful duo—Banila Clean it Zero cleansing Balm and Senka Perfect Whip cleansing foam—removes makeup, sunscreen, and all the grime that has accumulated throughout the day. It paves the way for better absorption of serums and moisturizers. It's like a fresh canvas for your skin!

Now, let's talk about serums, my secret weapons for combating dark spots. The Axis Y Dark Spot Correcting Glow Serum is an absolute game-changer. With its 5% niacinamide, it's like a brightening elixir for my skin. It has worked wonders in banishing those pesky spots!

Speaking of serums, let me introduce you to a local gem—the Cica Skin Repair Serum Soothing Gel from Ever Organics. This little miracle worker, packed with cica, has been a savior for my reddish spots and has prevented pesky breakouts. Trust me, it's love at first application!

For those occasional breakouts (hello, period days!), I rely on Face Republic's Calming Spot Ointment Gel. It's my trusty spot treatment that swoops in to save the day. The sachet version is my go-to.

Remember, taking care of our bodies is not just about the skin; it's about nurturing ourselves as a whole. Our bodies are temples, and it's never too late to start showing them some love. Let's prioritize self-care, not to impress others, but as a genuine act of self-love and appreciation.

I hope this post has provided you with inspiration or a starting point. As my account continues to grow, I look forward to connecting with more like-minded individuals! Cheers to bathing bliss and self-love! 🎀🩰

[solusidigital21]

Skincare adalah Asupan Nutrisi yang dapat Menjaga Kesehatan Kulit

Review pixy prisghanpage

🤩, ❤️SKINCARE UNTUK REMAJA❤️Affordable🥰, ✨ Holygrail skincare THAT WORKS 🥰, How I got rid of my EYE BAGS FAST! What is the Korean skincare routine that is so talked about today? As soon as my acne was cleared I started giving my skin more attention & started going to the CLARINS spa for facials & I really learnt so much about my skin, what I should be doing & how to have a good skin routine. There is one drawback - acid actives such as AHA and BHA interfere with the conversion of retinol to all-trans retinoic acid, so should not be used in the same routine with retinol. There is a big difference between an exfoliator & a scrub. If you use a clay mask, like the amusing Carbonated Bubble Clay Mask, it is recommended to use it following cleansing, before applying the exfoliator and toner.

But, you know, variety is the spice of life, and having a sink and shower lined with an array of amazing cleansers makes me feel like I’m living in the lap of luxury. It's great in the summer for people with oily skin because when used on its own, it doesn't weight the skin but it also contains ingredients to help our skin. Additionally, waiting is great if you want to make sure two products that have conflicting pH needs don’t react with each other. I experimented with different wait times in 5 minute intervals, and 20-25 minutes seems to be my sweet spot. It takes about 30 minutes for an acid’s pH to neutralize on its own. It’s important to note that I wait at least 45 minutes after applying my other products before using this, giving my other products a chance to be absorbed first. I use an acid (AHA) toner immediately after cleansing, and I apply it with a cotton round. It’s worth noting that a warming sensation (or any other sensation associated with a product’s use) is a form of irritation, no matter how intentional. It also rinses easily and completely without any residue, and contains some nice moisturizing, anti-inflammatory ingredients.

Retinoids are powerful, and applying too much can do some serious damage to your moisture barrier. It contains anti-inflammatory ingredients, rinses clean, and some anti-microbial ingredients. In the morning to prepare and protect the skin for the day ahead and in the evening, to remove all the dirt and impurities we have collected throughout the day. This is the lowest price available online for this serum by a long shot. Pencuci muka, Serum siang dan juga Serum malam. Pembersih wajah/cleanser yang digunakan pun bervariasi, ada yang berbahan dasar minyak atau cleansing oil, ada juga yang suka menggunakan cleansing wipes, atau ada juga yang lebih memilih cleansing cream. Bukan tu je, Qaayed pula sekarang ni dapat perangai baru, suka pegang muka Ayue dengan jari dia yang penuh air liur tu. Himalaya bukan pemain lama di ranah skincare tanah air, brand asal India ini memiliki penggemar dari skincare junkie cukup banyak karena dipercaya memiliki produk yang berbahan dasar alami. These brand focus on skincare for teenagers.

It’s a godsend for dry skin (and probably a bit too moisturizing for oily skin). 👃 Blackheads are really something that girls care about and they cannot be easily removed by simple cream or removing essence. Now that I’ve tried it, I won’t be without it. Skin Type & Concerns: While I’ve yet to use this for my face, the main reason I bought it was for my body. If I don’t wait, the efficacy could be compromised, but my main concern is that the Tretinoin tends to travel if it’s not fully absorbed when I start applying other products. She wanted the brand to be more than a celebrity business but embody beauty's true essence. Artinya, kamu harus rajin baca ingredients pada label produk atau pada website resmi brand yang kamu pilih. Produk dengan packaging cantik akan punya nilai plus dan dipajang di meja, bahkan bikin saya lebih rajin untuk pakai produknya. Senyawa ini akan mengikis milia dan mencegah pertumbuhan benjolan-benjolan baru sehingga tekstur kulit akan terlihat rata. Produk water-based skincare biasanya memiliki tekstur yang ringan, bouncy, dan mirip seperti gel, yang mana ketika dioleskan ke kulit akan terlihat larut seperti air. Terserah pada korang nak buat pilihan produk mana yang bersesuaian untuk korang.

Sebagai pengguna bijak, pilihan ada di tangan korang. Bukan tu je, tisu ni siap ada Shea Butter dan Vitamin E ekstrak didalamnya. I’ve tried a lot of Argan oil from many different brands, but Shea Terra is my favorite one. Where to Buy: This oil is available on the Shea Terra Organics website, where it retails for $18, but if you sign up for their newsletter, you’ll get a monthly 30% off coupon code. There’s usually a Pixi Beauty coupon floating around the internet though. In Korean skin care, people usually make use of double cleansing. In Korean cosmetics, we typically use double cleansing. When it comes to Korean skin care, people typically use double cleansing. It smells really green and herbal, and imparts a mild but pleasant warming sensation when I use it. For example an exfoliant with a mild chemical can be used every day while a mechanical exfoliant is best used not more than three times per week.

I was recommended to this “magic stone” as I'd like to call it, by my good friend when I was on a trip with her. Like the Su:m37 Cleansing Stick, it removes makeup well enough that it can also be used for both steps of the double cleansing process if needed. And, says Hutchinson, "both of our daytime moisturizers - Kinetin Age Decelerating Daily Lotion and Kinetin Age Decelerating Daily Cream - are rich in kinetin, a cell-rejuvenating discovery found in leafy green plants."There are healing benefits with kinetin too. If you suffer from dry skin, that is even more susceptible to losing natural oils, look for a very hydrating moisturiser in the shape of a rich lotion or cream that is formulated with hydrating ingredients like hyaluronic acid. I like it because it does wonders in terms of calming skin irritation, inflammation, and redness, and it helps brighten my complexion and accelerate the healing of active acne spots. Clinical testing shows it helps to reverse and repair sun damaged skin, and will also protect from sunspots, lines, and dry patches.

It’s not pretty. A damaged moisture barrier manifests as red, rough, flaky skin that simultaneously itches and burns. Manfaat dari produknya juga cukup banyak seperti mengurangi iritasi pada kulit, memberikan sensasi halus pada kulit, memberikan kilauan pada wajah, menutrisi kulit lebih baik, memberikan kelembapan lebih lama pada kulit dan memperbaiki skin barrier lebih baik dari produk biasanya. Agar hasilnya lebih baik, kamu juga bisa lho mencampur kandungan skincare yang satu dengan yang lainnya. 2 Tahun yang lalu - Berikut 5 rekomendasi peel off mask untuk kulit berminyak dan kusam di bawah 100 ribu rupiah yang bisa jadi pilihanmu. New customers can use my referral link to receive $10 off your first order. European customers can order from the Paula’s Choice EU site. Shopping these links helps support this site. Additionally, I find that applying a hydrating toner helps offset the dryness I get from more alcohol-heavy sunscreens. But what is exactly the Korean skincare routine that we talk so much about these days? This one is a recent favorite - I really like the Su:m37 Secret Programming Essence because it contains fermented ingredients like the Missha Time Revolution First Treatment Essence does, but I find it hydrates much more effectively.

If it travels, I risk a dreaded getting it on my mouth, which results in a case of “dead lips.” Dead Lips is my name for the phenomenon in which the surface skin of my lips becomes unnaturally smooth and numb before peeling like a mofo for the next few days. Many women decide to use either the essence or serum, in the case of dry skin, both are suitable. Many women opt to use both the essence and serum, if you have dry skin, both are suitable. The mask for face is designed, according to the type of your skin, to add moisture for dry skin or to eliminate excess sebum when you have oily skin. The mask is used in accordance with the type of your skin, to add moisture in case of dry skin or to get rid of excess sebum in the case of oily skin. Then we can look at the face mask, which is to be used at night, and is a possible fabric one, which can be utilized daily or a clay mask in case you suffer from oily skin.

It is an extremely versatile product that can be used on its own in the case of oily skin or combined with other products to treat cases dry skin. “This brand is powerful enough to stand apart in a crowded market, combining real consumer insights around clean skin care with Scarlett’s talents as a visionary creator,” Foster tells Refinery29 via email. Begitu pentingnya loyalitas bagi Perusahaan maka perawatan wajah (skin care) wardah gentle face wash telah menjadikan loyalitas sebagai hal yang perlu diperhatikan dalam strategi pemasaran.Dalam penelitian ini terdapat beberapa variabel yang mempengaruhi loyalitas merek (Brand Loyalty) di antaranya yaitu Switcher, Habbital Buyer, Satified Buyer, Likes the Brand, dan Commited Buyer. Beberapa brand skincare biasanya memiliki lini produk khusus untuk masalah kulit tertentu, misalnya untuk mencerahkan kulit kusam, mengatasi jerawat, hingga anti-aging. Jika Anda sudah mengetahui jenis kulit yang Anda miliki, maka rutinitas perawatan kulit sehari-hari dapat membantu Anda menjaga kesehatan kulit secara keseluruhan dan meminimalisir masalah spesifik seperti jerawat, jaringan parut, dan bintik-bintik gelap. Bila Kamu telah mengenali tipe kulit yang Kamu miliki, hingga rutinitas perawatan kulit tiap hari bisa menolong Kamu melindungi kesehatan kulit secara totalitas serta meminimalisir permasalahan khusus semacam jerawat, jaringan parut, serta bercak- bercak hitam.

Ada banyak bahan perbaikan dan Anda bisa membuat masker wajah yang sempurna untuk klien Anda. Maka dari itu, hal ini biasa terjadi ketika seseorang berganti produk perawatan wajah, dan ternyata tidak cocok. Ampoule ini cocok untuk memberikan rasa tenang dan nyaman bahkan ketika kulit sedang merah-merahnya. Selepas seminggu penggunaan produk Ami Skincare : Nurul Hidayu - " Tona kulit cerah dan parut jerawat ternyata pudar, jerawat mengecut tanpa timbul lagi dan kulit rasa fresh bermaya berbeza dari sebelumnya". Skincare atau perawatan kulit adalah rangkaian dari berbagai penerapan yang mendukung keadaan integritas kulit, untuk meningkatkan sebuah penampilan dan mengubah kondisi kulit. Ketika iritasi, ini akan meningkatkan peluang untuk mengalalami efek samping dari senyawa tersebut. Umumnya terdapat kandungan charcoal atau clay dalam masker tersebut yang dapat mengangkat minyak wajah berlebih. Hanya saja, muncul juga pertanyaan tentang bukti apa yang mendukung klaim tersebut. Biasanya kulit yang kemerahan juga dikarenakan adanya iritasi dan infeksi akibat timbulnya jerawat di area wajah. Diperkaya dengan Alpha Arbutin, Coenzyme Q10 dan Vitamin E yang melindungi kulit dari sinar UV, mengurangi garis halus dan tanda penuaan juga menganjalkan kulit. Selain boros, hasil yang akan didapatkan juga tidak maksimal. 1. Cleansing merupakan Perawatan, Seleksi pembersih yang tidak membuat kulit Kamu kencang sehabis dicuci.

Saya pernah merekomendasikan moisturizer untuk kulit kering, karena saat hamil kulit saya sangat kering, tapi orang yang bertanya ternyata malah kulitnya jadi acne-prone setelah hamil. Masalah klasik ibu hamil dan menyusui adalah kurang tidur, makanya pemakaian eye cream itu nggak boleh dilewatkan, biar membantu area mata nggak terlalu bengkak dan tetap terhidrasi. Jika belum, yuk cari tahu terlebih dahulu apa itu tamanu oil dan berbagai manfaatnya sebelum mencoba, dikutip dari PARAPUAN berikut! Ok, kalau korang nak tahu Ami Skincare adalah produk kecantikan terbaru kat pasaran Malaysia. Calit je Ami Skincare. Korang nak jugak ke calit vitamin untuk wajah korang? Nak calit skincare tapi was-was? Jadi Ayue pun nak cuba lah tisu terbaru dari Kleenex ni. Haa, Kleenex Facial Tissue Skincare ni adalah tisu yang paling lembut sekali. Apa yang menarik perhatian Ayue adalah walaupun tisu ni lembut gila bila sapu pada muka, tapi ia mempunyai 3 lapisan sebenarnya. Bagian bawah mata juga perlu perhatian khusus karena memiliki kulit yang lebih tipis.

Eye cream juga aman digunakan dan tidak menimbulkan iritasi. Wajah tampak kusam, berjerawat dan tampak tua dari usia? 9 Bulan yang lalu - kandungan skincare yang terkenal bisa mencerahkan wajah diantaranya seperti Niacinamide, Vitamin C, Alpha Arbutin, dan masih banyak lagi yang lainnya. Pemakaian yang teratur, rata-rata kulit baru akan menunjukkan perkembangan hasil setelah minimal 3 bulan penggunaan produk yang mengandung retinol.4. Pada malam hari, selain macam-macam skincare di atas, penggunaan krim mata atau eye cream mungkin diperlukan. The fluids follow the release of Babor's SkinovagePX Advanced Biogen Anti-Aging BB Cream SPF 20. This is a lightly tinted beauty balm with stem cells derived from Alpine plants, and avocado oil, and was developed for demanding skin. Instead, you can use BHA with your morning routine and retinol in the evening. You can also find it at W2Beauty for $16. An exfoliant, as the name suggests, is used to gently remove cellulite from the surface on which it is applied for example that is, the face. Exfoliants, as their name implies, is used to gently exfoliate dead skin cells from the area where it's applied which is in this instance, the face. Exfoliants, as their name implies, is used to gently remove dead skin cells from the area on which it is applied which is in this instance, the face.

[carpexiem]

memory's museum !

lowercase intended.

pairings ! inciest winciest, atomic of an atomic amount of gn!reader x doctor!soobin

main characters ! exbestfriend!taehyun, exbestfriend!beomgyu, doctor!soobin

features ! heeseung, yeonjun and huening kai

genre ! very heavy angst, small amount of romance and fun times

word count ! 9.4k

tw ! y/n has leukemia, depression, un4living, unrequited love, a character suffered from osteosarcoma and death

a/n ! o. m. g. this is the biggest purely writing project i've ever done. it was supposed to only be 5k words,,, look at where that ended up at-

i literally suffered from 2 character changes, 2 plot alterations, hundreds of mental breakdowns (esp at school cos i needed to think of what to write next el em ay oh) and had two awesome, beautiful beta readers (both don't have tumblr :((). i really hope you guys enjoy reading it cos i started this late september and just finished editing it ha. ha. anyways, i would LOVE feedback on this please and ✨ thank yew ✨

also, special hyperlink when the last word is pressed. the word is literally the biggest hint as to what it would be :D

mental health hotlines (please dont suffer alone <3)

synopsis ! y/n longs to say their last goodbye to the ones they lost.

{story begins under the cut}

it was days like this where y/n found peace within themselves. days were riddled with chaos, suffocating words, their conscience felt securely preserved, their cerebrum paralysed, unable to figure out just where they were and why they were there to begin with. it felt like manacles, tightly wrapped around their brain, tightening with every passing second, excruciating pain trickling down their spine then flaring out to the tips of their feet. it was days like this where y/n felt that, although they had taken uncountable steps backwards, they could still move that one bit forward and a sliver of light would come into view.

the air was biting at their pale skin, fingers stinging as they tried to bend them to grip the pen. calloused hands groped at the grass, but the cold seemed to mock back as to no avail. sighing, y/n rubbed their hands together, the friction causing a slight spark of heat to accumulate in their palms, but diminished almost right after.

yet, despite all of this, y/n loved winter. not only because of the fresh atmosphere that seemed to cleanse the environmental sins that occurred during summer, nor the stereotypical like for the infamous holiday that happened that time of year; but because it seemed to be the only time that their brain whirred no longer. they could look around, eyes dancing from one wintery view to another, thick blankets of snow enveloping nature’s embodiments, and all matters that once put them in a state of ambivalence and conflict would vanish in an instant. something that put them in a state of utmost danger was one they held dearly in their heart, and for that, no one understood why. they never expected them to afterall. they were all blinded by abidance and extreme safety, recoiling from every flick of the serpent’s tongue. the world was out to explore, to help delve into your deeper curiosities, and they had no right to think that they had to cower behind their mother’s figure. if it put them at risk, so be it.

notebook flapping in the air, the sound harmonising with the howling wind, y/n took a deep breath and sighed, their condensated breath swirling into the chilly atmosphere. the sun glowed slightly in the horizon, barely illuminating the land, but seemed to give y/n the content feel of early winter: naked trees, quivering at every gust of wind; fallen leaves, racing each other, curling into the air to dodge each other’s attacks. situated beneath a tree, a warm takeaway mug of hot chocolate (made of pure cocoa powder with a hint of honey for a new quick to broaden their taste buds) resting in the patch of fading grass beside them, y/n leant backwards into the tree trunk, resting against it as they marvelled at the scenery beyond them. minutes passed, and the droning, humming cars in the distance, signifying the wake of workers of the hospital site, brought them from their thoughts, reminding them that time was not in their hands and was, in fact, limited. and so they began what they came to do.

〰

taehyun always made sure he wasn't ever in direct spotlight. he was one who kept to himself, eyes glazed cooly over his stature as if he weren’t present at all, and that gave him all the content he needed. everyday was of the same, repeated routine: waking up ridiculously early to attend lectures just to sleep just as absurdly late. there was no change in his life, and maybe he preferred it that way, a precise and constant ritual that would reassure them that nothing would be missed out. remaining in the comfort of his rented abode, just sufficient for him, accompanied by the murmurs of the tv or the scribble of a pen, thoughts spilling onto the blank canvas. taehyun had cursed himself- and the heavens- at his choice of major- software engineering. his brain racked and stretched to its utmost potential to complete practical studying and limitless essays, breathing room deemed non-existent as long as this degree lived. spending hours upon hours behind his desk gave him one advantage, though: the window opposite his desk, that looked upon the ancient medieval buildings and modern ones alike dotted around the city, encapsulated by a rich forest around the edge. taehyun often sat on the small window ledge, just enough for them to squeeze unto, pulling his desk to the centre of his room and spending hours gazing at the view, absorbing the inspirations it radiated from every intricate detail. the sky, often adorned with the blending hues of blues and pinks, driving into the horizon, sinking behind the silhouettes of the tall oaks and maples.

time like this sent them back to his high school days, sitting on his house roof with 2 other friends, conversing about whatever popped into their minds at that moment, laughing to jokingly haunting memories while forming new ones. strawberry laces, marshmallows and miniature cola bottles filling their stomachs with ease, the late consequence of belly aches pushed to the back of their minds. noses numb, fingers pale and swollen, teeth chattering resonating in their mouths. time flying with no regards by either of them.

taehyun’s heart ached at the fact that he let them go so easily. he thought their bond was stronger than petty friendship predicaments, or the threatening instances of academic farewells, as their school days came to an end, their aspirations grew in places where they wouldn’t be accessible unless they let each other go. of course, as best friends, they wanted the best of all 3 of them, pursue their biggest dreams, but after depending on one for so long, they left a permanent mark that stayed no matter how hard you tried to rid them.

tears had run out long ago, sadness replaced with guilt, anger, shame and the longing sensation of loving best friends.

〰

eyes were dried out from the extreme exposure to the artificial screen light, itching uncontrollably, yet y/n didn’t seem to stop their search. fingers rapidly dancing on the keyboard, the rapping clicking and tapping droning on for hours; nurses popping in and out their room, nagging them to take a break, but they always responded with a half-hearted, ‘yeah, sure,’ before proceeding with their hunt once again, murmuring profanities under their breath at those who disturbed her.

“god, how lost are you, really? it hasn’t been that long…well 4 years isn’t long in my opinion,” rhetoric questions targeted at no one in particular tumbled from their mouth subconsciously in desperation. surfing through all sorts of social media: instagram, facebook, twitter, yet to no avail.

“y/n.”

“what?” their harsh reply took their assigned doctor aback, but he was not surprised in the slightest.

“what exactly has you staring at your screen for hours? your eyes are literally bloodshot red,” he questioned, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. y/n ignored his question and continued slamming on their keyboard, letting out a loud groan as their search concluded with no results.

“y/n-”

“i’m just looking for someone, okay? and i’m very, very agitated right now, so will you please not disturb me? it will be highly appreciated, dr choi ,” they retorted, hands wrapped around their head. they could sense a migraine surfacing, wincing occasionally at the jolt of pain that surged through their brain. with a click of his tongue, dr choi stood straight, walking up to the bedridden teen, their device thrown carelessly beside them. he closed the laptop, placing it on the small table that had been situated at the head of their bed, before dragging one of the visitor chairs, seating to the left of her.

“y/n, i understand that your original doctor has been replaced by me, but i’m really trying my best here. i don’t want you to think that i’m some stuck-up, entitled general doctor who thinks he’s better than their patients just ‘cause i graduated early. i am not like that, i promise you.” y/n internally rolled their eyes: he’s too kind to hate.

dr choi knew they wouldn’t reply nor open up to him immediately, so he rose from his seat, dusting the wrinkles that had formed from his awkward posture, before leaving with a near-silent shut of the door. sighing, y/n lifted their head from their hold, the fading scent of the young man’s cologne reminding them of how perfectly groomed and dressed he was to every shift. they grabbed their laptop, firmly opening the screen, resuming their surf once again.

“the dude always smells good too. fucking great.”

it wasn’t long before light was succumbed by darkness, street lights switched on and roads grew deserted. with a final checkup by the general ward manager and the flick of the lights, y/n lay in their bed, wide awake, disappointed with the day’s outcome. their mind swirled with possibilities, some too nonsensical, others maybe likely, before shifting to the words their doctor declared to them earlier in the day.

of course, seeing him instead of the pompous, jovial dr quincey, made their deflate by a blatant amount. he seemed too... fresh. too ‘obedient’. one step out of line, and they would probably be reported to their mother in the blink of an eye, goods confiscated for the week. y/n had to get used to seeing his white, crisp coat, his name stitched on with black thread in times new roman (y/n had almost instantaneously figured the font, pointing it out to the doctor who raised his eyebrows in confusion). his honey-hued skin, glowing from the lather of the various skin creams, topped with the infamous sauvage cologne that seemed to be the indication that he was once present in the room. they hated to admit it, but he was good looking too.

y/n hated how they acted when he was around, but dr quincey had been their doctor for as long as they could remember, and the day they suddenly woke up and saw his face instead of hers, made riot seep from their veins. they felt bad, despite the automatic despise they had blossomed for him; he was new to the medical world, wanted to create a good impression and they were making it hard for him to do so. grumbling at the thoughts that ran through their conscience, y/n alternated their thinking pattern, past memories blooming in their brain, causing a subconscious smile to etch upon their features, drifting off into the serene abyss that anticipated their arrival.

〰

three days before christmas, and taehyun found himself buried in a spiritual mountain of missed and uncompleted assignments. bags had accumulated beneath his eyes after spending days pulling all nighters surrounded by stray papers, and empty take away coffee cups. he had survived purely off caffeine for the past week and he was certain his iron levels had dropped to a concerning degree, seeing as his vision constantly turned static once he abruptly stood up.

burying his head in his palms, he tugged at his hair before rubbing his temples, wishing his brain would galvanise and concoct an answer for the taunting question etched on the page. he stared at the paper ever so intensely that the digits fuzzed and swirled in his vision. throwing his pen down, he let his head collapse onto the table, “why did i choose this major?”

an arm reached for the coffee cup, shaking it as he noticed how light it was.

“now i’m out of coffee. convenient much.”

shuffling out of his seat, he sluggishly walked over to the counter, throwing away the empty paper cup on the way.

“good afternoon, what may i get for you?” the overly enthusiastic barista chimed; taehyun was convinced that it was wholly a facade, nobody could be this jovial on a freezing afternoon. or maybe his glum state had spread his mood to his environment.

“can i please get a uh…uh…”

the barista raised an eyebrow at the boy’s sudden loss of memory.

“a coffee?”

taehyun sighed, nodding his head as he leaned one arm on the edge of the counter.

“yeah uh, thanks,” he slurred, blinking slowly as he winced. the barista, noticing taehyun’s exhausted nature, grew concerned, “hey, you need some help over there?” the teen shook his head in response, causing the other to click his tongue, unconvinced.

“you’re literally about to pass out, and i can tell you’ve been heavily cramming, and you have only ordered coffee. have you eaten anything today?” taehyun couldn’t reply, so he just shook his head. he could feel his eyesight cave in, and every time he shut his eyes and reopened them, black dots clouded his vision. the barista panicked, running from where he had been stationed for the past 4 hours toward the boy before calling out to his colleague.

“yeonjun, a customer is about to pass out, i need some help here.”

“wait- what? i’m coming, hold on.” frantic footsteps rushed out from the staff area, “heeseung, what happened? the said boy glanced at taehyun, eyebrows furrowed, “he came to order some coffee, but he had some trouble stating what he wanted. he’s been working since before i had my shift, and i’ve been here for 4 hours now.” this shocked the other, “he hasn’t had a break for that many hours?” heeseung shook his head in confirmation.

“okay, you go get him some water to drink and open the door, it’s so stuffy in here.” heeseung got right to work, mentally thanking the weather for restricting people from journeying to the cafe that day, hence leaving the shop deserted, except from the few customers who ordered to take out. yeonjun had sat the boy on one of the chesnut, cushioned seats that faced toward the opened door. luckily, taehyun hadn’t fully collapsed, but found it hard to function independently, so no ambulance was called- yet, at least.

the boy’s head lulled side to side as he groaned, and yeonjun crouched down, looking into his eyes, “we’re getting you some water, okay? hang in there.” taehyun nodded slowly, sighing as he felt the cool air soothe his overheated being.

“here,” heeseung returned with a cold glass of water, “i gave him a straw so it’s easier for him to drink.” taehyun could sense his consciousness escape and before he knew it, his sight grew black, body growing limp.

“oh god, he’s out.”

*

pain. that was all taehyun felt when his consciousness rushed back in, and it was in the heart of the night when he awoke from his exhausted stupor. his throat was scarce of hydration and felt as if he had run it along a cheese grater. his eyes were dry and- probably- crimson red. he glanced around the room, seeking for anything to relieve the irritating sensation that blossomed in this oesophagus, yet he saw absolutely nothing; he guessed that they weren’t expecting him to wake up any time soon.

‘how long was i out for,’ he mentally queried himself, staring at the white wall ahead of him. the air held a serene silence that gave him the opportunity to chill with his thoughts; how he had gotten in this situation. despite his state, worry for his homework still formed.

‘tch, those damn papers are what got me here in the first place, why even spare them another thought?’

so caught up in his conscience, taehyun didn’t realise how long he had spent, wandering in the mental field of his thoughts, and a sliver of sunlight passed through the hospital curtains. sighing, his eyelids drooped, floating away to dreamland.

a few hours had passed, and taehyun was woken up by the sound of the door opening.

“oh, you’re awake,” the tan skinned doctor, known as dr ramirez, walked over to the boy, “how are you feeling?”

taehyun exhaled, “water…please.” leaving the room after notifying the bedridden brunette, the other returned a few minutes later with a water bottle, and another doctor.

“here you go,” taehyun received it, expressing his gratitude before downing the liquid hungrily. this made the others present chuckle airily, the poor boy was deprived of water for days after all.

the original doctor dug one hand into his pocket, using the other to point at his colleague beside him, “this is dr choi , he’ll be helping you recover for the next few weeks,” the man informed taehyun, receiving a thankful nod in return.

“any questions you want to ask?”

“ah yes,” taehyun rubbed the back of his neck, “uhm, what happened to me?”

dr ramirez answered, “your iron and sugar levels are disturbingly low, hence why you fainted in the cafe. you’ll be staying here for as long as it can take to raise them back to a normal rate.” taehyun nodded once again, fiddling with the white sheets as the two doctors whispered between themselves. dr ramirez brought his attention back to taehyun, finger raised as he remembered something, “also, terry, do you have any family or friends here? the baristas tried calling someone beforehand but you have very little contact on your phone and the hospital couldn’t find anyone on record to call apart from your parents, but we couldn’t reach them.” taehyun stiffened at the mention of his mother and father, hesitant to reply to the man.

“oh…my parents aren’t in the country right now.”

“right, okay,” the man rubbed at the stubble that adorned his face, “any…friends?” taehyun fell silent, suddenly finding interest in the groove of his fingers. the confused doctor repeated the question, only to obtain a quiet ‘i don’t really have any’ as a response. taehyun felt so embarrassed, how could he be a 21 year old with no companion, not even a mutual friend he could talk to occasionally? stereotypically, people his age would be out having fun, partying, dating even, but here he was, wallowing in dreaded self pity at his broken down body. he was alone. that was what he was, and it fucking sucked. he at first tolerated his solitary, but as time progressed, he realised how pitiful he looked to others. always keeping conversations short and quick with his peers and professors, never seen out of the library, local cafe or his dorm.

sensing the awkwardness of the boy, both doctors decide to leave the room, and before dr ramirez closed the door, he looked back at taehyun, “ah and merry christmas, mr kang.”

〰

“again, y/n?” dr choi huffed. they had been typing away vigorously for hours for the fifth day in a row, and he was very concerned for their eyesight…and fingers.

“yes, again, leave me be…please,” y/n seethed, and the doctor feigned offence, raising his hands in surrender. he walked over to one of the visitor chairs, taking a seat before stating, “maybe i could help you with your…search,” he gestured at the computer. y/n stopped typing, looking at the other in disapproval before continuing their attack on the keyboard.

“i doubt you can help, sir. i’m sure i’ve already told you that.”

“well, hit me, you haven’t tried me yet.”

sighing, y/n placed their laptop to the side before crossing their arms, scowling.

“i’m looking for a friend, who i haven’t seen in 4 years.”

“4 years? that’s a long time. why the sudden hunt?”

y/n side-eyed the doctor, mentally communicating how they would not prefer to go into the details at the current moment…or at all.

“o-kay. moving on- wait, if they were your friend, how come you don’t already have their socials, or number?” it was a long story that they didn’t want to elaborate to a stranger, so they kept it brief, “they moved after high school ended. lost all contact with them, and they never had socials to begin within. so here i am.” dr choi ahed at the revelation before asking, “what have you done so far to find them?”

“well,” they glanced at their device, “i’ve surfed every social media, using every name i could think of but-”

“there’s nothing?”

“yeah.”

dr choi smiled at the other, ascending from his seat before dusting his pants.

“one thing i can definitely say is, nowadays people don’t always use their full names on social media. they may be trying to hide from relatives, or they just don’t want their full name out there, you know? use this information, maybe it could help.”

it was like a lightbulb switched on instantaneously in their brain, it made so much sense.

“well,” checking his watch, dr choi began to leave the room, “i have stuff to attend to. good luck finding him or her.”

“thanks alot.”

“no problem, y/n.”

he exited, leaving them alone with their whizzing thoughts. what nickname did beomgyu have when he was with them? y/n thought hard.

“gyu, i swear to god if you don’t give me the pack of strawberry laces now, i will push you off the rooftop,” taehyun sneered, as y/n and beomgyu snickered. it was just a few hours since school ended and neither of them wanted to retreat back to their homes, so it was a mutual decision to stay on top of the convenience store’s roof. it was not a hassle, the store owner loved those three afterall as they became frequent customers, although all they ever ordered was the fruity candy, marshmallows or mini cola sweets.

“okay, okay, here,” he threw the empty packet at the younger, taehyun scrunching the plastic packaging into a ball before getting up and chasing the other around the rooftop. as he caught the older, he shoved it into his mouth before walking away, satisfied with what he had done.

“what the fuck?” beomgyu spat, causing the other two to cackle loudly.

“that’s what you get for being a greedy bitch, now go get some more,” y/n ordered the boy. mouth agape, beomgyu had his hand buried in the mono-pocket of his hoodie, “no- wait why me? i’m broke, quite literally,” he huffed, fanning himself as he felt his face grow hotter by the minute. y/n sucked in another piece of the strawberry laces they had been harbouring in their palms, grinning mischievously at the angry boy that stood in front of them.

“well, that’s your fault…for being a greedy bitch.”

rolling his eyes, beomgyu descended down the ladder, rushing to the store below before buying another two packets. as he arrived at the cashier, digging his pockets for the last scrapings of loose change he possessed.

“you don’t have enough money?” mrs huang asked, and beomgyu nodded shamefully. the older woman smiled at the boy, slipping the sweet packets into a plastic bag.

“don’t worry about it, it’s on the house, okay gyuie?” the teen couldn’t help but blush at the nickname; he had been referred to as that for years, but it’s something he was yet to get used to. smiling sheepishly, he muttered a small ‘thanks’, climbing up the stairs, and opening the roof entrance before walking towards his friends, who were cuddling. days like this, he felt like the third wheel, but then again, he was sure taehyun and y/n felt like that too when he cuddled one or the other.

“here you go,” he threw the bag down at them before cuddling beside y/n. taehyun snatched a packet out of the bag before ripping it open, munching on the strawberry confectionery like a starved dog, whereas y/n was a bit more…decent with it. snuggling into the younger, a comfortable silence grew among them before y/n spoke, “who knew gyuie could be so comfy.” taehyun chuckled as beomgyu hid his face beneath his hair; he got flustered way too easily.

“he’s ‘gyu da bear’ ain’t he?” taehyun joked.

no one laughed.

in fact, the silence was so loud, that the younger boy wanted to crawl into a hole and shrivel up. “come on, that was funny.” the other two looked at the boy unamused, before rolling their eyes.

“stick to magic, tae. comedy really isn’t your thing,” beomgyu stated, and it was back to cat and mouse. taehyun immediately untangled himself from y/n’s arms, beomgyu doing the same as he was chased mercilessly. y/n chanted on the sidelines, laughing til their eyes formed tears, “you can do it gyu da bear!”

y/n zoomed out of their reverie, snatching their laptop before furiously typing in the cringy nickname that their friend had made, before stopping.

kang taehyun.

or, moreso, terry kang. he was addressed more by his english name than his traditional one, seemingly trying to ‘fit in’ with the others that had more local names.

his name brought back good and bad memories alike, and y/n never thought- in a million years- that that would ever be the case. they were so close, bound at the hip, that everyone was aware that one wouldn’t be seen without the other. they had been friends long before beomgyu even joined them, dating back to when they were in kindergarten- the other only befriended them in middle school. how had their bond reached such a wrecked, deformed state was a question y/n often asked themself.

their mind wandered back to the last time they interacted- voices raised in fury, hurt, insults hurled at each other and irreversible, regrettable words tumbled from their lips in frustration. how easily their love altered into pure hatred; was it not that strong after all? maybe the magic of cartoons and children’s laughter wasn’t one to last through high school.

shaking their head, y/n resumed, finishing off the username, and a profile popped up. they could very distinctly make out the picture of a boy, phone situated at a certain angle, hand in a finger heart as he winked. his hair slick black with blonde streaks, styled in a mullet.

found you.

clicking on the profile, y/n stalked the account, clicking on the most recently posted photo to see whether it was still active or not, just to realise that it was uploaded more than a year ago.

“what?” y/n’s smile dimmed palpably, there was no way they could reach the other. scrolling through the comments, y/n searched for anyone that beomgyu frequently interacted with, coming across another boy’s account. he seemed close to the other as their banter was a bit too personal for them to be mere friends. as y/n pressed his profile, reading his name aloud (“hue-ning kai- huening kai? who’s he?”) they realised that his account was private. groaning, they fell back into their bed, fakely sobbing, “just when i thought i found you!”

ascending once again, they messaged this ‘kai boy’, trying not to seem too confrontational or awkward; they hoped that he was at least still using this account.

uhm, hello. i am very sorry for messaging you out of nowhere but i’m y/n, one of beomgyu’s friends from high school. we kinda lost contact after that since he moved to korea and although i did find his account, it seems that he hasn’t posted since last year. i just wanted to ask if you are talking to him and if there was any way i could contact him.

taking a deep breath, y/n sent the message, immediately shutting their device closed and throwing it to the side.

“that’s done. now we wait.”

next day arrived, and the first thing y/n did was check their laptop. they thanked the heavens that their mother was running late to check up on them that morning, giving them ample time for themself. checking the instagram tab, they noticed a small, red circle with a white number one on the arrow icon, signifying a new message. palms together, fingers intertwined, they prayed to whoever was up there that huening kai was able to give them some sort of beomgyu’s contact, but his reply was nothing they expected and it made their blood run cold.

oh hey. i am very sorry to be the one to tell you this, but he passed away one year ago from osteosarcoma.

〰

“how are you feeling, mr kang?” the doctor had come in to check up on taehyun, he had been in the hospital for more than a week now, and his depleted iron levels had slowly increased.

“i’m feeling better, still getting those headaches though.” dr choi smiled softly, “understandable. just make sure you’re drinking plenty of water, alright?” nodding with a slight grin, taehyun’s eyes trailed back to the tv that blinked with some sort of american crime drama (“it’s called hawaii five-o, mr kang,” dr choi informed when taehyun had asked). another doctor peeked into the room, requesting for the fair-skinned man, “dr choi, you are needed for y/f/n.” it was as if he had been plunged in ice cold water as taehyun stilled at the mention of their name, how long had it been since he had even thought of them? it even baffled him that they were still in the country- they had constantly complained about how they longed to move elsewhere and that ‘america’s school system and weather wasn’t doing them justice’. it was hard to place where he felt in that instance; shock? annoyance (for he had been for many months after their farewell quarrel)? regret?

“wait- d-did you say y/f/n?”

dr choi turned around, nodding with slight confusion, “yeah, why do you ask? do you know them?”

taehyun’s eyes darted around the room, having an internal battle on whether to tell the doctor the truth or not.

“uhm yeah, we went to highschool together.”

nodding, dr choi left the room with a genuine smile, leaving taehyun alone with his conflicted thoughts.

y/n is here. shit- y/n is here?

how many years had it been? 3, 4 years? taehyun couldn’t lie- there were a few moments when he wondered where the other two were, how life was paving a way for each of them. beomgyu always dreamt of becoming a kpop idol, and he sure hoped that the days him and y/n spent being tortured by his guitar attempts and vocal mishaps finally paid off. as for y/n, what did they want to be? they never clearly answered the question- even when teachers queried them about it. it was always ‘exploring’ and ‘waiting for what fate brought upon [them]’ and sometimes he truly envied how carefree and- in y/n’s words, of course- ‘i don’t give a flying fuck’ they were. taehyun was always riddled with anxiety, panic attacks and breakdowns when it came to his academics. it had been hammered into him that the only way he could be successful was through that wretched way and he hated how pressuring his parents were. he vividly remembered arguing with his parents, shouting that one line in their faces, tears streaming down his cheeks, face flushed red, finger jabbed in their chests, “i wish you were like y/n’s parents. they are more like parents than you’d ever be. do. fucking. better.”

he always wondered that maybe, just maybe, if he hadn’t said that, him and y/n would still be friends.

〰

“any…updates?”

dr choi had just finished checking up y/n, and as much as he hated to say it, they weren’t getting any better; truth be told, their system was deteriorating. he had to endure each and everyday masking his face with a smile, only informing the young adult’s parents of their regressing state.

looking up, y/n had an eyebrow raised, “updates on what?”

“the search for your friend, of course.” it was then and there that the doctor regretted ever asking as y/n’s mood visibly dimmed, and their once light-hearted expression diminished.

“oh…uh, yeah, everything’s…g-good.” they faked a smile, waving off the concerned man.

“a-are you sure?” he hesitantly asked, before the other nodded, a palpably fake (and overly ‘joyous’, dr choi must mention) grin scratched into their features . dr choi didn’t want to seem too inquisitive, so he left it at that, exiting the room with a small adieu.

as soon as the door shut, y/n let their tears flow, speaking more words than their mouth could. it tore them to shreds; how could the jovial, unbearingly obnoxious but lovable beomgyu be gone in an instant? they had learned from the boy they had texted earlier that the cancer was discovered a year after he had landed in korea, and it wasn’t long before it worsened, turning way too vivacious and deadly. y/n had to cut short the conversation, it hurt too much to proceed the talk. choi beomgyu, the future guitarist and/or kpop idol, was now gone. forever. they knew it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, after all they hadn’t talked for 4 years and suddenly they felt the grief hit them? was it not selfish of them to feel this way after 4 years of no calls, texts or visiting? that they finally spared a thought about him, because he was dead?

y/n had cried themself to sleep that night. and it left dr choi’s heart yearning to know why.

〰

choi soobin was confused. prodigiously and utterly confused.

it had been years, probably a decade, since he had ever felt such a sensation surge through his veins and it sparked billions of questions in his brain. why the sudden appearance? after all, he had been ‘anti-romantic’(the shameless title given to him by his older brother) for who knows how long and he was 100% certain that he would remain alone for the remainder of his days on earth, raising wild cats in the nooks and crannies of his home and becoming the frightening midnight tales of kids, their mouth whispering the hush-hush secrets of the ‘scary, old man who lived next door’.

but now, all his dreams- or rather, nightmares- had come to an abrupt stop. it was as if this fluttering feeling had slapped his demons to an eternal sleep and had spread far and wide across his body, screaming freedom. he could never stop the growing smile that erupted every time they came into his eye view, nor could he prevent the ever lively butterflies that made themselves known when they came into his presence.

all in all-

“i have ultimately fallen for my patient, baek.”

“you- you’ve what?”

soobin was one to confide in his brother about anything and everything. now, what he wasn’t expecting was his sibling to be red in shock, eyes nearly popping out of his sockets with his jaw dropping off its hinge.

“i said, i’ve fallen for-”

“yes, yes i heard the first time,” baek rubbed a hand down his face, before gripping his chin, wordlessly staring at soobin. it was quite shocking for the older man, to hear that his younger brother had dropped into a pit of roses, affection and cuddles. how damn long had it been since he ever heard his brother even hint at a love interest? he had no idea.

“god- soobin, do you know what this means? you are setting yourself up for heartbreak, you hear? h-e-a-r-t-”

“i know, okay? it’s not my fault that my heart chose them, if i had it my way i would…” soobin hesitated to finish his sentence. would he really choose someone else? no matter what state y/n was in, he adored them wholly.

“you wouldn’t, soobin, and you know this. i’m not forcing you to get over them any time soon, it’s just…they don’t have a long time left. and i don’t want to think of the condition you’d be in when they finally leave.”

the younger man fiddled with food in front of him, it tormented his mind day and night, leaving him in a state of insomnia, if he hadn’t already suffered it from work alone. sighing, baek diverted the conversation to a more happier note, “at least, tell me what made you fall for them?”

it was as if soobin was suddenly injected with a large dose of serotonin as a smile bloomed, slurping up a portion of his noodles, “they’re so…them, you know? despite what they're going through, they don’t just lie around, basking in their self-pity and cry day and night; y/n just lives life like it’s not already hanging on by a thin thread. that’s what i love about them because it makes me feel more i’d say, comfortable? warm? inside that they’re not pessimistic 24/7 and it makes my job a tad bit easier. it already hurts seeing someone suffer like how they are, but it’s even worse when they make it palpably obvious to the point where you want to quit because it excruciatingly aches.” baek hummed in agreement, nodding his head as he spoke, “i understand you a lot. your job is not for the faint-hearted at all and i really respect you for surviving this far,” he ruffles soobin’s hair, making the boy whine. chuckling, baek placed his chopsticks in his bowl before getting up from his seat and walking around the kitchen island to the sink. turning on the tap, he spoke, “all i have to say is, think wisely here. i have never been in your position before, and probably never will, but i beg you to utilise your intelligence.” baek rinsed off the bowl, sitting it on the drying rack,”don’t go making decisions that would ruin everything and having you regret it later and you most certainly should not go rushing into things without thinking about it first. think of it like this: you’ve put yourself on a very vulnerable road which has two paths leading from it, choose wisely.” and with that, baek left his brother’s house with a smile and ‘good night’, leaving soobin heavily contemplating as if the next day was y/n’s last to live.

〰

soobin didn’t see y/n in their room when he first checked in, and an eruption of fear exploded in his being.

what if they…no. they can’t be; afterall i am their doctor so i would’ve been informed if such a thing were to happen…

his mind in a frenzied state, he rushed around the hospital building, externally seeming composed and calm when actually there was a whole panic party exploding in his brain. pushing open the glass main door entrance, he jogged around the corner of premises, neck craned in desperation before he noticed y/n’s small figure in the distance, sitting peacefully on a bench with their head turned upwards.

they looked so serene and tranquil and the doctor almost spun back on his heel to return to his duties. instead, he took slow, silent steps towards his patient, hands buried in his pockets. standing in front of them, he kneeled down before muttering a soft “hey” causing the other to flinch.

“god, dr choi, don’t do that; you almost scared me out of my skin.” the man chuckled, raising an eyebrow, “really?”

“yes, really,” y/n retorted jokingly, before rolling their eyes, patting the space beside them, “you can sit here if you want, i do need some company.”

soobin’s mind and heart rejoiced; confetti dazzled his conscience and butterflies were having a field day in his stomach. for once, they were having a decent conversation without y/n seemingly wanting to clog his throat with tissues.

“okay.”

they sat beside each other for a while, a comfortable silence bound between them with an occasional bird shrieking to its heart’s content.

“have you ever thought about what death feels like?” y/n asked, their eyes still glued to the grey void above. it caught the man off guard, leaving him to think for a couple of seconds before responding, “yeah, i have.”

y/n finally drew their sunken eyes away from the sky, looking at the man sitting next to them.

“what do you think then?”

“well, i think death doesn’t have a feeling, but rather the journey to your death, you know? the ache, the mental chaos you go through just becomes so overbearing, the voices scream and mock you and you just think, maybe it is possible for your brain to cave in and disintegrate. then the grim reaper comes along and snatches you. you’re just…an empty shell, vacant of any physical sensations. there’s nothing to feel but somehow, it just seemed better than staying here…”

soobin’s mind grew distant, and y/n suddenly felt a ton of questions weigh their brain; did he mean what they thought he meant? his recount sounded too…personal, like had experienced everything he had just said before.

“soobin- i-i mean dr choi, i’m sorry for calling you-”

“no, it’s all good don’t worry,” soobin’s voice was soft and detached, his eyes seemed to rewatch those traumatising memories that would forever leave him scarred, even if he never showed it. and y/n understood wholeheartedly.

“it’s like…death is restful. empty and emotionless, but restful. nothing to have to wake up to, no pain to endure everyday just to make someone happy. i craved the feeling of that too once, and it seemed like my body already made its mind up for me,” y/n expressed, and soobin didn’t think he would fall in love even more than he already had. he finally had someone got him, who knew how it felt to feel so lost and cast in the shadows that death seemed like the only way out. god, did his tears want to flow. god did he want to hold y/n in his arms from sunrise to sunset. but all his attempts would be futile in the end because y/n’s time was near.

y/n starts speaking again, “you know, i was crying the other day because i came to find out that the friend i was looking for had passed away…a year ago from…osteosarcoma.” soobin’s body grew tense and a sudden wave of sadness washed upon him, “oh god, i’m so sorry to hear that.”

y/n just smiled, and the doctor could see right through the facade, “it’s okay, no need to be sorry. i’ve come to terms with death already anyways. i always seemed so scared of it when i was a child, but as i grew up, i realised that maybe it’s not as scary as adults made it out to be, and myths such as the grim reaper-”

soobin chuckled softly.

“-were just tales to keep children thinking that being alive was worth it, but sometimes, it just isn’t. but then this happened to me, and i see how i’m literally toeing the line of tragedy and i’m so fucking scared. no one knows how petrifying it is when you’re right on the verge of falling into its arms; it’s a norm to just underestimate death.” by now, tears were flowing endlessly down y/n’s sunken cheeks, soobin unknowingly crying too. he had an arm slightly in the air, asking silently to put it around the other, and when they had consented, he hugged them tighter than he had ever done before.

“i-i don’t want to d-die, soobin. it’s not f-fucking fair that i h-have no choice now. no r-room for repentance, n-nothing. i-i just have t-to l-lie in bed all day, soundlessly watch my b-body break down to pieces l-like a fucking pathetic s-shit-”

“hey, no. y-you’re not any of those things, okay? i know, just from knowing you for a few weeks that you’re the strongest fucking person i’ve ever met. it’s not your fault that this happened to you, and it hurts you just as it hurts me to know what will happen eventually.” was this soobin's way of indirectly confessing how he felt about the other? he himself had not the faintest clue.

“you don’t need to care, soobin, don’t care too much about me, i’m not worth it at all.” it took everything in his system and the heavens above to stop him from kissing y/n right there and then, but he was all for permission first.

“look, y/n,” he sat the other up, their fingers unknowingly intertwined, “i don’t care what you want me to do. i don’t want you to feel like this, or think that i shouldn’t care, because i choose to. i choose to care more than just your doctor, but as your friend.” friend. the word burned into soobin’s forehead, sinking into the depths of his brain. they will always just be friends.

y/n smiled, pulling the other for a hug tears, still overflowing, “thank you. for understanding. you’re…the first person i’ve ever confided in since tae- terry and…beomgyu.”

“wait- did you just say terry? there’s a terry in this hospital. terry…uhm…kang! terry kang! he said he went to school with you or something when he overheard me and another doctor discuss your chemo.”

y/n’s mouth was wide in utter shock.

“he’s here?”

*

y/n longed for their mouth to move, to let at least a ‘hi’ escape their lips to seem welcoming of something of the sort. but they just sat there, eyes avoiding the other’s as soobin stood in the corner of the room; y/n could feel his eyes, burning holes into their back, the sensation diminishing when his eyes wandered to the boy lying in front of them. y/n’s brain was filled to the absolute brim, but yet was empty. their mouth would open as if they wanted to finally communicate their thoughts audibly, but then would shut again, and soobin would sigh, running his hands through his hair.

were all reunions this awkward?

he couldn’t remember his family’s reconciliation being this…tense. he could barely breathe.

“guys uh, “ he scratched his head, “are you gonna talk or…”

he was met with another episode of silence before y/n’s words sliced through it, “dr choi, can you please leave for a few minutes? i think it would make stuff…easier.” the addressed doctor nodded, the door making a soft click behind him as he exited the room.

“i wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“neither was i.”

taehyun’s response was sharp and short.

“i came here to..talk.”

“you did? i wonder if you would’ve if i wasn’t here. in the same hospital as you are.”

taehyun avoided y/n’s gaze at all costs, and it made them frown, “tae-”

“don’t fucking call me that y/n.”

“okay, sorry. terry, don’t be like that.”

“be like what, y/n? i’m not doing shit. as a matter of fact, i don’t want to even look at you now.”

oh did y/n’s heart shatter at his words, the atomic pieces piercing through the sole of her feet. were they that unbearable? of course they were.

your best friend- oh i’m sorry, ex-best friend- doesn’t even like you right now. everyone hates you. even soobin.

it was back. they were back.

“tae-”

“what the fuck did i just say, y/n? you have no fucking right to think that we’re on that basis again.”

y/n could feel that mental ache, that pain that squeezed their brain to mush. it didn’t even stop the riot that cackled at them from the inside out.

“you know,” taehyun fiddled with his fingers, “i thought we were the best of friends, you know? i thought our connection was so fucking strong that it would lead us til our deaths, but i should’ve known.” he chuckled emptily, locking gazes with the other. his face was decorated with his tears, eyes a raw red. “i should’ve known you didn’t love me as much as you loved beomgyu.” y/n’s eyes widened, and a sudden surge of rage rocketed from head to toe.

“i never fucking said or insinuated that-” taehyun snorted.

“y/n please. i remember that day so vividly. it’s so haunting that my brain continues replaying it in my head so much that i just want to gorge my fucking brain out. you said exactly

‘some thrilling, fun shit would be happening if beomgyu was around.’

taehyun could physically feel his smile fall off his face on its own accord. what the fuck did they mean by that? he brushed it aside, scoring a fake grin, ‘you mean, something dangerous, y/n, not ‘fun’,’ he corrected, gesturing the quotes in the air.

‘nope, i mean what i said, and i said what i mean, tae. it feels so dull without him now and with only 3 days left of high school, what the fuck am i- i mean are we gonna do this summer?’

he fucking knew it. he knew it all along.

‘so you’re saying that i’m no fun to be around?’ taehyun’s façade couldn’t last long and a scowl replaced it.

‘no! not like that, just…he’s usually the one that brings something fun for us to do, and now he’s travelled to korea, i don’t know what’s going to happen’ y/n made sure not to make the same mistake again.

taehyun was done. tired. fed up of y/n’s lies. the truth and plain truth only would’ve hurt less than them trying to cover it up with fake promises. he felt so isolated despite being around his so-called best friend, who favoured someone over him. choi beomgyu.

the name that once brought chaotic memories instead concocted hate, anger and vengeance.

‘there’s no need to lie y/n. just fucking say that you like beomgyu more than the friend you’ve known since you were in your fucking diapers-’

‘taehyun what-’

‘no y/n. no.’ he inhaled then sighed angrily, ‘you don’t even have the slightest idea about how left out i’ve felt these past few weeks. i never got the time to hang out with you or beomgyu alone because guys would always hog each other like you were fucking dating. i wouldn’t even be surprised if you were, you two never told me shit.’

‘kang taehyun, you piece of shit, shut the fuck up and let me speak-’

‘speak about what, y/n?’ he fumed. his face was crimson, fist balled up as he clutched a decorative pillow. it was getting too painful to keep in his tears any longer, he had survived weeks pushing down the feeling and it was brewing more than ever.

he wasn’t likeable enough. he wasn’t worth being friends with.

no one likes you kang taehyun. you should’ve listened to us.

‘a-are you just gonna fucking l-lie to me because i’m tired of it, y/n. so fucking tired.’ taehyun’s voice gave up and grew quiet. he was now sobbing loudly, and y/n was too.

‘taehyun, please believe me when i say that i don’t love one of you more than the other. we’re all best friends-’

‘best friends? really y/n? will best friends plan an outing without the other one knowing, fully aware of the fact that one of them would be leaving this country for good, huh? would they?’

y/n couldn’t respond. cries raked through their body as it vibrated with sobs. they felt so disgusting, treating taehyun like he didn’t exist although he had been with them since their brain could recall.

‘taehyun, i’m so sorry. i didn’t want to make you feel this way- i didn’t know you were feeling like this.’

‘nah, don’t bother.’ he got up from the sofa, rushing to the front door with y/n hot on his tail.

‘taehyun, don’t go please,’ y/n begged, voice cracking, throat parched.

‘i came here to escape my parents and this is what i fucking get. thanks for everything and nothing, y/n. have a good life, yeah?’

“taehyun, i apologised back then, okay? i still feel so fucking horrible for doing that to you and if i could go back and change shit i would.”

“well, but you can’t. you can’t change how they fucking beat me mentally to pulp that everytime i crossed the bridge- our bridge- i couldn’t think about the happy shit we did, but instead how death seemed so fucking good, than existing in this shithole. you can’t change how much i hated myself for thinking this way, how much i longed to be normal. how much i craved being happy like everyone else.’

it pained y/n to see taehyun’s state. they caused this upon him, and they felt so guilty. no one who did this to a friend deserved to see the light of day, did they?

you are such a shit friend. you don’t deserve anyone. soobin is probably hearing this right now, and hating you.

“but, you know, as much as i want to hate you, i can’t. seeing what life brought upon you has me wishing it was me instead and i don’t know fucking why, y/n. why do i still love you like that?”

it was as if y/n’s brain stopped functioning completely. taehyun was absolutely, completely bullshitting.

“w-what?”

“y/n, i liked you more than you could ever imagine back in high school. i was totally sure that it was even love at that point and even though i knew you didn’t like me back, i still tried my hardest to express how i felt through my actions, ‘cause i didn’t want our friendship to end just from me being a shit.”

taehyun, turned his head away from y/n, staring at the silent tv in the top corner of his confinement.

“so, y/n, do me a favour. confess your feelings for dr choi.”

the other’s mouth fell agape.

“it was so obvious, y/n. the way you look at him, i…wish you looked at me like that.”

y/n reached to hold the other’s hand, and surprisingly, he accepted.

“i’m sorry, terry-”

“don’t be. i don’t want you to suffer like me and enter death without receiving the closure you want. try at least, and be happy before you go.”

y/n hesitantly nodded. what were the chances of soobin liking them back? they were just a crappy patient on the verge of dying.

“and one more thing,” he let go of y/n’s weakened hand, “please leave, and never talk to me again.”

〰

i am thoroughly convinced that life isn’t meant for everyone.

or maybe just me.

i’ve done countless shitty things and i wish forgiveness wasn’t such an easy thing some people gave out like a piece of candy.

there were times i wondered why people forgave me so easily, then i remembered that they would never forget- and ultimately probably never forgive me- what i did, and a little dose of relief would rush through my veins and i would be able to sleep peacefully.

sometimes i wished i never had any friends. every instance i lived through with them made me wonder why people tolerated me. they made me realise just how pathetic i am; how i didn’t deserve to have their presence in my life because i wasn’t good enough to treasure them properly.

i wish that taehyun never met me. that he never fell in love with me. it sounds so selfish, i’m sorry.

i made him feel and think things that no friend ever should. i put him through so much without even realising. i don’t want him to love me, because i don’t want him to suffer like he did. the riot was always right. it was always right and i was so stupid for thinking that i had a chance to be happy, when i didn’t even deserve it in the first place. i was so stupid for thinking that soobin would ever love me back. confessing wouldn’t have helped, it would’ve made stuff so much worse.

i’m not worth people’s tears. i’m not worth people’s smiles.

and i’m okay with that.

if you are reading this, i’m probably kissing tragedy. i was never toeing the edge, i had crossed it already. the riot had pushed me into its arms long ago, leukaemia just exerted that last urge. i was just never smart enough to realise that.

i wish for your smiles to blossom every second of every day. i wish for contentment to hug you tightly and be that source of happiness i never could be. and lastly, i wish for you to forget me. the artefact of my existence shouldn’t deserve to be a prized object in your memory’s museum.

i’ll be happy wherever i go; be it heaven or hell. as long as i’m not physically in your lives anymore, i’ll be satisfied.

[faeriefrolic]

Questions Tag

ty for tagging me @happy-lemon !! I tag anyone who wants to do this 💖

Why did you choose your url? 

My url used to be fairy-frolic. I wanted a sims-related name and fairy frolic is an interaction two fairies can do with each other in ts3! Over time I grew tired of the hypenated url and changed to faeriefrolic. The fae are my favorite lifestate in the sims and I have a fascination with them in general.

How long have you been on Tumblr?  I had a personal/aesthetics blog since around 2009-2010? I created a simblr around 2013 when I started playing ts3. Most of my older content was wiped during blog cleanses (rip the lattes, cookies, crystals...) I wish I kept my old posts, it would be nice to look back on them and reread old legacies tbh.

Do you have a queue tag?

I had one for my personal blog (mew queue) but I don’t currently use one.

Why did you start your blog in the first place? 

I was posting screenshots on my main blog, but my blog was mainly cottagecore/pastel aesthetics. Then I found out that tumblr had a sims community so I created a simblr!

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? 

It’s the fairy lifestate icon from ts3! I thought it was fitting ✨ 

Why did you choose your header? 

Because I am sleepy, sapphic, and a simmer

What’s your post with the most notes?

As of last month, this set of screenshots of Crystal and Leon. Leon is @shuckleberrysims OC and Crystal is mine (you might recognize them from the Rosewood story I was doing a few years ago, Crystal has changed quite a bit since then). They’re very dear to me and I play with them on the side along with some other ocs of ours.

How many mutuals do you have?

No idea, but I am thankful and happy to have them 🥰

How many followers do you have?

1952, kinda surprised since I was on hiatus for such a long time. Thank you all for following me !! 😭

How many people do you follow? 

427, I usually follow ts3 simblrs!

Have you ever made a shit post?

Shitposting was my brand back in 2016 

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

I don’t think so??? If I did I certainly don’t remember it. I don’t really like conflict and I’m rather shy.

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

🤷‍♀️

Do you like tag games? I do!!! They’re lots of fun and it makes my day when I get tagged in one!

Do you like ask games?

Those are fun too 👀

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? To be honest, I’ve only recently come back to simblr so I’m not all caught up in the community yet! I have no idea. A few friends who were simblr famous around 2016 have retired their blogs and such too.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?  Anyone whose posts I’ve reblogged/liked/replied too, ily 

[will-o-the-witch]

I’ve been quiet lately.

Heads up, this is a bit long.

I’ve had to take a very strong step back from all the different aspects of my spirituality lately and really get my mundane life in order. I’m not thrilled by it, especially because me at my Best and Happiest includes a habit of spiritual practice. That said, I think the community pressure to consistently perform at a certain level (and yes, I use the word ‘perform’ here on purpose) ended up harming me more than it helped. When my mental health started to slip I got advice for how to maintain regular offerings, low spoons offerings, but nothing to help with people who have already missed their schedules, f’ed up their promises, already past the point of trying to maintain order. Im the kind of person that processes stuff by talking to other people about it, but some anon hate made me hesitant to share anything online (how can I trust it’s not going to be used as cannon fodder later?) Instead of something that should bring me peace, joy, and healing, my spirituality became a major center point for stress, shame, and insecurity.

So I took a step back. A deliberate one. I already wasn’t giving offerings because I felt too ashamed to approach the altar most days, or when I did have motivation, I was too physically/mentally exhausted from my jobs. And when I did have the right stuff, I had other more immediate, mundane fires that needed putting out first. So I took a step back and told myself I’d approach it when I could. At least this way, I’d be giving offerings the same amount but not be filled with self-loathing the whole time.

So I paused. I managed to give a few intermittent offerings to my ancestors here and there and just prayed for some help, something to help lighten the load just enough for me to shift my weight and get ahold on life. But mostly I spent time trying to do that on my own.

So, it’s been a few months now. And yeah, I’m not proud that it’s been a long ass time since I’ve done anything for my gods, or my companions, or my extremely-extended family, or performed any ritual, yeah yeah. But, I’m eating healthier, and I’m working hard at my jobs. I’ve completely gutted and remodeled my room, so i’m not tolerating dysfunction and broken furniture anymore. I’m in therapy. I’m healing from some old trauma. I shower more than once every two weeks. I’m not spending all my free time sleeping, drinking, and crying anymore.

I have faith that my gods want me to bring forward the best version of myself I can, and I don’t believe they’ve been entirely absent from my life during this time. (I watched ONE episode of Marie Kondo and bawled/got inspiration that lasted me a MONTH which is huge for me, thanks Hestia ✨.) I’m still waiting to finish my room (where it will be actually functional for the first time in years) so I can cleanse the shit out of it before I “return” officially. So hey, I took a break and the world didn’t end. And things got better, and I got better. And now, refreshed, I’m actually so excited to practice again. It feels like coming home.

Also, I’ve reorganized the altars to a more functional setup and space and they look nice.

Also my birthday is this Friday (the 22nd) so that’s exciting.

[my3amletterstoher]

Deep breathing in and out , visualize yourself as a white light with a hole in it , tappin in , 🐱💦💦, kissing you on the lips , pins you up against the wall and squeezes your breasts, deep breathing in and out , deep breathing in and out, deep breathing in and out

Can you feel me?

We will defeat that bitch , I'm on your side and you are on mine, we will bring her down. That bitch popped up and then you can't feel me and you flaring up , we will destroy that bitch just like I know you want to, you're tired of her, I never said you weren't , I never said you gave up on defeating her and getting her out of your life , she's trying to make it look like y'all conversing right now by popping up right after you did, she wasn't sleep, she was lurking

I DIDNT GIVE UP ON YOU, WE WILL DO EVERYTHING TO BRING HER DOWN, I KNOW YOU WANT HER GONE FROM YOUR LIFE AND YOU WANT ME TO DO MORE TO ASSURE THAT, I WILL, I GOT YOU. I KNOW YOU FOLLOW MY LEAD

You don't listen to no one but me, and you count on me to help you with the bullshit and I will! Because you're not weak, you're not a coward, you're strong af

We will destroy her, look at you you have anxiety and shit because of that bitch , you're a nervous wreck because of that bitch , your thoughts are scattered, you're not reaching out to me so that means you feel insecure, that is because of that bitch

And you want her out of your life, you can't wait to get her out of your life, you're been dodging her, you want to do more against her, she's dead to you , you can't stand that bitch at all and you don't want nothing to do with her, you don't pay attention to that bitch , you are waging war against that bitch

You went to sleep last night to show me she's dead to you just like I said, because that's all you listen to is me , because I won't steer you wrong and you know that bitch ain't shit , you haven't been posting .. you've been isolated, thoughts distorted and when I say that stuff I don't mean to make it sound like I'm beating you up for it it's that bitch and her energy, affecting you, and affecting me

And you're trying and it's hard, I know that baby but I got your back, I truly do, you've been doing good, especially the other day... in fact that whole week after you made that post especially , that fight, fire, determination in you , that makes me prod af to see/feel that, you been through so much in your life and you are strong af baby

I want you to reach out to me, you didn't messed up, I will carry you when you need it , see... going through stuff like this/toxic ppl and their energy will have you thinking that something is broken about you from the affects of what's going on and it's not, you're not broken , you're not too much..etc you're perfect af in every way and I mean that with every ounce of my soul , every bit of you is golden af

Mind, body, soul, heart 🖤 getting out of the shower , getting dressed

😍🤤🏆

What's on your mind baby? So let's see... Taps chin.. about to roll up.. tappin you in, we gonna do our cleanse ritual.. and it's a full moon today

But your mind.. what's on your mind baby? Come lay down baby , we gonna get those thoughts sorted /at ease ✨✨✨✨✨

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