Text
Idea/prompt by @jackmichaela, from this post. This is maybe not exactly what you're asking for, but I'm not good at rewriting scenes. I'm only good at filling in blanks so... I hope you like it.
Tommy usually hates hospital visits. They’re either heart-wrenching or tedious, no in between.
This time, it’s different. Since Hen delivered good news about Denny on the group chat, everyone seems so much more at ease: Evan is not scratching his face anymore, Eddie paces down his mission to destroy the whole bowl of Halloween candies, and sergeant Grant is talking to some teenagers at the reception desk. Tommy picks up a magazine next to him, USA Today, and starts flipping through it. Though he fails to focus on the celebrity interviews or the healthy diet tips in front of him, he is simply basking in the warm familial atmosphere around him.
Then everyone’s phone dings all at once again.
He looks up to find Eddie, struggling to contain his giggle.
“What’s happening this time?” Tommy asks. He scans around and see the rest of the 118 holding in a laugh, just like Eddie. They seem to be watching something on their phone with earbuds in, a smart and considerable choice in a hospital lobby, but Tommy has no clue about the origin of their amusement.
“Oh… oh, it’s nothing. Just a funny cat video.” Evan interjects, face turning red.
“Evan?” Tommy suspects.
“You can take mine. I was there anyway, I’ve seen it all.” Eddie hands Tommy his phone, with a devilish smirk on his face. Evan shoots him a death glare in return.
On Eddie’s phone screen, Tommy sees two clips sent to the 118 group chat, both of them prominently feature Evan’s face in the thumbnail.
“Please don’t do this. I was high on medications.” Evan pleads.
“It’s okay. I swear I won’t hold your intoxicated speeches against you. I just want to be part of the gang this time.” Tommy smiles softly at his boyfriend, then kisses him on a relatively unaffected patch of skin on his cheek.
Tommy presses play.
The first clip is a shaky video of Evan in an ambulance.
“Hey, how’re you feeling?” Eddie asks in the background.
“Muu-- better.” Evan slurs. “Uh, let me tell you a secret… I have a crush on someone….”
“Oh, tell me about it.” Eddie says jovially.
“He uh… tall, and hot, and big…” Evan sighs dreamily. “He’s strong, he used to be in the Army.” He points a finger at the camera.
“Well, I’m flattered, but I don’t really swing that w…”
“No! Ewww! You’re like a brother to me.”
“Ew? That’s a little harsh. I mean, I’m not that bad looking, right?”
“Naaaaaaaa? You’re attractive too? You’re just not the man of my dream.”
“And… who’s that guy exactly?” Eddie asks with a guiding question?
“It’s Tah – Tah – ”
“Tah – ?”
“Tarzan!” Evan exclaims. “He’s got big hands, big biceps the size of my head, a big heart, and… those V-shaped lines leading from his super cut abs to his giant d…” Evan is almost drooling.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough for me.” Eddie stops him before he can get too explicit with his ode.
“You’re homophobic!”
“Wait, what? You said it, I’m your brother. I just don’t want to know too much about my brother’s sex life.”
“I just spent too much time not living my life to its fullest, because of ignorant people.” Evan laments.
“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know how hard it was for y…”
“Meeeeeeeeee! I was the ignorant people… I didn’t realize how hot men were… I didn’t know how much I wanted to suck Tah...” Evan drags out his vowels, while trying to point at something in the air with his hands.
The video suddenly turns into a blur. “Alright, stop moving before you hurt yourself more.” Then it ends abruptly.
“Tarzan, huh?” Tommy turns to look at Evan. “Is that what you think of me?” Evan’s boils are as red as tomatoes by now.
“Fine! You’ve all had your fun. Now can you spare me from further embarrassment?” Evan requests, trying to hide his blushing cheeks under the collar of his jacket.
“You know very well that as a firefighter,” Chimney cuts in, “drugged up ramblings are required to be public knowledge by law. For transparency’s sake and as entertainment for other first responders,” He laughs, gesturing for Tommy to play the next clip.
The second clip starts with Evan in the hospital room.
“Tell me more about your crush, Tarzan.” Eddie demands, again, in the background.
“What? Who’s Tarzan? I said Tommy.” Evan replies, with much less slurring in his speech this time.
Eddie seems to have clocked the sedation weaning off, “Um… You’re back with us, Buck? How’s the pain? Do you need me to call the nurse…”
“What? Are you out of your mind? It’s Tommy! Did Chili Oils wipe your memories too?” Evan furrows his brows, with a deeply confused expression. “Tommy! My husband!”
“Umm… when did you get married?” Eddie asks, just as confused.
“At Maddie’s wedding. No! Wait! We weren’t married yet. I only thought about it back then! When he came to me still in his turnouts and soot all over his face I just…” Evan says with an enamored smile. “Wait, where am I? Am I in the hospital? Why am I here?”
“I’m just gonna call the nurse…”
“I’m getting married here! Like Chimney! Eddie, you got me into some bachelor party shenanigans and I end up having to marry the love of my life here!”
“I didn’t…”
“Do I look good? No, wait, I’m naked! I need a suit!” Evan pats all over his own body with both hands.
“Stop! Don’t move your bad arm!” Eddie tries stopping him. Then the clip starts getting blurry again.
“I’m marrying Tommy with my birthday suit! Like the ancient Greek! Do I look good, Eddie? Are my pecs popping under this cover?”
“Yeah, yeah, sure, now stop flailing around.” Eddie says before the video ends.
Evan puts his face into his hands, flustered and embarrassed. “You’re happy now?”
“Of course I am. That’s payback for making me listen to your graphic description of your love life under sedation.” Eddie frowns.
“Well, I think that’s very cute.” Tommy interrupts. “We’re in no hurry to get married but… I appreciate you blurting out your attraction to me, unlike our first date…”
“Shut up!” Evan hides his head on Tommy’s shoulder to avoid the inevitable teasing.
“Make me.” Tommy responds.
Evan simply looks his boyfriend deep in the eyes and kisses him, softly but deeply.
“Hi, thanks for being here. Denny’s awake, you can go see him now if you want to.” Hen comes out to update the 118 family. “Especially you, Tommy. The first thing Denny asked was for the cool pilot who’s good at painting to draw the most badass helicopter on his cast.” Hen asks Tommy, with the exhaustion and relief of a previously worrying mother in her eyes.
“Of course.” Tommy replies.
#Not a prolific writer myself#Only have one fic under my belt#Speedwriting is super new to me#Hope you don't mind the flaws#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#tevan#kinley#911 spoilers#911 abc#bucktommy fic
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cute not so little bear
You were lost in the woods but happened to find a house in the middle of nowhere. How lucky of you that the owner was understanding.
Tags: smut, mdni, f!reader, bear hybrid!choso, the reader haves big boobs, choso is a pervert, humping, marking, oral (f receiving), tiddy sucking, size difference, kissing but like very passionately, fingering, handjob, lot's of touching, creampie,
Author's note: I had to re write this in the last moment cuz I thought it was too lame. Hopefully this time I'm happy with it.
Not proofread
Masterlist kinktobermastelist
It was a beautiful day when you left home, going on your usual route when you remember about a shortcut. Honestly, you weren't even sure about it since you never saw it before, but you were told it was around this area.
You'll see a small path on the right side, there's some red flowers around it, it's hard to miss. Those words were on repeat in your head, and you swear you know exactly what they were talking about.
You swore you knew, that's what you said in response. You swear you saw that path. You swore again and again that you knew exactly where that was.
On the main road, right at the edge of the forest. There was supposed to be between a green wall, two tall trees being the entrance of that shortcut. Small red flowers, like a carpet, surrounding that path. And you did saw it, how could you not. The problem was, the path took you further and further away from the safe route that was supposed to get you outside the woods.
You didn't even notice at first, happily walking and admiring your surroundings. You thought nothing of it when more and more trees appeared around you, at some points you walked past a river. You even stopped in place to look at the clean flowing water, the sound of water rushing so violent and yet calming.
You saw fewer and fewer people, now being surrounded by the sound of mother nature itself. Birds singing, the wind going through leaves, and the soft light from the sun. You were just as happy as when you remembered about the so called shortcut.
Perhaps it was a shortcut indeed, not to the route you're usually taking. It didn't took you to your destination, in fact, it was getting you further and further away than there. But it was a shortcut to your death.
It was taking you somewhere people don't dare to go to. A place that everyone was avoiding.
That's why it looked more and more beautiful the deeper you got. It was a warning that people don't go there, nature keeping it's natural flow, untouched by humans and at peace.
You did started to panic when you realize how late it got and that you're on a path you never saw before. No people could be seen, the last village you saw was hours away from where you currently was.
No biggie, you're a smart girl, you can make it alive out of there.
You came from that direction, so if you go left would be faster to get out of there. See, no need to get panicked. Keep calm and look forward, be aware of your surroundings and you'll get back home sooner or later.
Or so you thought. Because no matter how much you walk its like you're walking in circles.
You swear you already saw that tree several times, but at this point everything looks the same. Nothing makes sense anymore, and your head hurts.
You had no water or food on you, your legs were killing you and all you wanted to do is bang your head against something.
How could you be so careless? How could you be so stupid? Can you believe you did such a big mistake, and now you might have to pay with your own life for it. What if a feral animal appears? What can you do then? You got nothing to defend yourself with.
Somehow, it was like your prayers were heard, because you just saw a house with the corner of your eye.
A wood cabin, and it looked in a good shape. There haves to be someone who lives in it. There haves to be someone home.
You looked surprised, your heart was beating too fast because of the adrenaline and you could feel it in your throat. You're saved, you'll be able to live for another day after all.
You ran towards the building without even realizing. Excited, hopeful and very much happy to be dragged out the bullshit you got yourself into, you knocked at the door.
"Is someone home?" you said out loud, knocking again after some time. "Hello?" no one respond.
You could smell something sweet in the air, it was coming from behind the house. And you couldn't do anything more than follow the smell, where you found a open window.
You looked inside, hoping to see someone. But no, the house was empty, no signs of life.
So, you studied the room, and it looked like a kitchen. It had an oven, lots of cupboards and in the middle of the room was a table. A pie sitting appetizing on the wooden surface, calling you to get in, take a taste of it and rest.
"Someone home?" you gulped before opening your mouth. But again, you were met with silence.
From how you see the things, a small grandma must live here. The house was well taken of, outside and on the inside, and it looked too lovely and welcoming.
You'll explain everything to the woman when she comes back, maybe she'll tell you how to get out of here. But now, surviving was your main goal.
You ate some of the pie, drank some water and then wander around that place. Opening the first door you saw, leading you to a bedroom. And my, the big bed that was perfectly made was so tempting.
Just a little, you'll rest for a moment and then get up, you said to yourself.
You got inside the room, closing the door after you and walking towards the bed. Sitting carefully at the edge of it, and trying to get used to the feeling of finally being able to let your guard down.
You let out a sigh of relief, the weight of your shoulders finally disappearing as you lay down, your head on the pillow.
Have you ever felt this tired before? Because your eyes closed as soon as you dragged that blanket over you, being way gone in the dream world.
A few hours passed by and it was already sunset and you were still asleep.
The owner of the house however, finally got back. Instantly knowing someone is there without even looking around for clues.
Your scent was all over the place. From outside and now inside.
Heavy steps could be heard, stomping left and right, re doing your route ever since you jumped in through the window.
You heard it, and you chose to ignore it. The bed was way too comfortable to think about it.
But it did made you feel a bit concerned about it. It didn't sounded like a grandma, those steps way to harsh to belong to an older woman.
You gulped, listening to that person getting closer and closer, stopping right in front of the door before opening it.
And now you were explaining to the landlord what happened, how you got there and why you were in his house. Yes, his. You were wrong about the person who lives there, it wasn't a cute grandma but a guy who looked like he killed a few people.
Dark eyes and dark hair, fluffy ears on top of his head that made him look soft, like a angry teddy bear.
"So you got lost." he said after you explained your situation, making you nod.
"I'm really sorry for breaking in." you apologized over and over again.
He wasn't even looking at you, his eyes either on the table or somewhere behind you. It was like he was avoiding to look at you.
"The closest town is two hours away." you could only sigh, it was already dark outside, how will you get there. "You could make a run for it, but you'll have to he careful. This area is full of wolves at night." that made you bite your lip in frustration.
"Can I stay over the night? I have no money on me but I promise to make it up for the intrusion." he finally looked at you, surprised at your words. Did you mean what he was thinking about? "I can work, either outside or inside. I promise to not disappoint." ah, so it was like that.
"Alright." he nodded, making you jump happily.
"I promise to not disappoint." you said, all a smile and a lot more eased to see that he was so understandable.
Well, whatever. What's done it's done.
He showed you where you'll sleep tonight, and it was a different room than the one you slept in.
The bed wasn't as comfortable but you can't really complain. You still layed down, falling asleep as soon as you closed your eyes.
In the other room, however, there was a bear who couldn't control himself. Shamelessly sniffing the room, the way his bed had a sweet scent and how he wanted to sink his teeth into the pillow you slept on.
Why was he acting like this was a mystery even to him. He's not usually like this, he swears. But that scent of yours got him feral. It made his mouth salivate, drool almost falling out his mouth at how you looked. And don't even get him started on the way your breasts look so big.
He's a dumb fuck, he knows this. Sitting in bed carefully, lifting the blanket and dragging the pillow with your scent on it in his arms, shoving his head in it as he squeeze it harder in his arms.
He took deep breaths, and he's sure he even moaned a little when that intoxicating scent got in his lungs.
You looked so delicious, he wanted nothing more but to bite you, take a taste of you. He wanted to lick you, but not in a sexual way. It was more like, lick your cheeks to see if you tasted as good as you look.
He's such a fool, he didn't even noticed when he started to move his hips, his pelvis pressed against the pillow. He was doing it so he could rub your scent on him, he doesn't even think he's that high. He just want to have more of whatever this feeling was.
You smell like honey, and it drove him crazy the moment he got in front of the house. So can you really blame him when he feels like he's the one being done wrong?
Opening his mouth, he sank his teeth into the pillow, hoping to taste something. But to his disappointed, it tasted nothing like you. And it made him rub his cock against the pillow even harder.
He should control himself. He should, but he's not. And it didn't helped the fact that he could feel every single movement you made.
His heart stopped when you turned around in bed, it made him freeze in place. He took a deep breath, finally realizing what he's doing and how pathetic he was acting. Can you believe him? Getting all riled up from nothing. It wasn't like you were the first female he saw in his life, heck, he meets all kind of people everyday. But you looked just so, what's the term?
He feels like moaning whenever you look at him. He haves to fight himself internally so he wouldn't get on a knee to propose to you, might as well take a taste of your pussy while he's there. It's just.. you're so beautiful, it makes him feral.
He's mad at himself for being such a sick man. And he will tie himself up if he goes something overboard.
The next day didn't helped him feel any better. The more he looked at you the more he would feel his body heating up. You looked at him with big unknowing eyes, and fuck, was he fucked.
"is there anything I help you with, um.. sir?" you walked next to him, looking at him and patiently waiting for his to say something.
"Call me Choso." his answer was simple, avoiding your gaze as he was feeling way too guilty for the way he was feeling.
"Right." you nodded. "What are we doing today?" he doesn't know about you but he'll cry in a corner.
"Lets go outside." for his own good, if he wants to maintain his sanity he needs to be as far away from you as possible.
And even if he gave you tasks where you were far away from him, he couldn't help but look at you, mouth half open and mesmerized by how you're moving. He turns around every time you catch him staring, acting like nothing happened and then shamelessly look back at you once again.
He's not thinking about anything, he's too numb to feel a thing, and yet he can't help but want to look more, even get a little closer if he would dare to do so. The air around you was tasty, and all he wants to do is inhale it, eat it so there would be nothing left for anybody else. Keep all to himself, alongside you, so no one else would be able to feel what he's feeling.
"What should I do now?" he didn't even noticed you moving, too lost in his thoughts to even realize what's going on around him.
He didn't said a thing, he just stood there, looking at the ground and trying to process what's going on. "Do.." he looked around for a moment, trying to think of something. "Water those plants." he pointed at the closest thing to him, only realizing what he did after. "I'll go that way." he said and pointed at some flowers.
"Alright then." his behavior was strange, but perhaps that's just the way he is.
Maybe he's anxious around humans just as you do around him? I mean, he was intimidating, truly. Just look at him, he looks like he killed somebody. His big body, a few heads taller than you, and those broad shoulders. But then you look at his fluffy ears that were on top of his head and suddenly he didn't look as scary as before. If you could ignore his massive body, then he wasn't that scary.
Maybe he wasn't as bad as he looked like. After all, he let you stay when you needed a place for the night. He also seemed to be ridiculously understanding, demanding no money from you and making you nothing than water some plants.
He just looked scary but he was actually a pretty decent guy. Or was he?
"Choso, what do I do now?" you walked next to him, catching him off guard. You're going to kill him sooner or later if you keep doing this.
"Let's go inside." he said, being done with his garden for today.
It was time to prepare a meal, and you couldn't just let him do everything, so, you helped. Being by his side the whole time and chopping some vegetables here and there. It was him who mostly did everything because he wouldn't let you lift a finger.
But when you were by his side, all he did was to stare at you. The side of your face, your lips, neck, his eyes traveling lower to your chest and then back up, to your lips. Oh, how his mouth was all wet, salivating over the sight of you doing the most basic task.
He liked it when you were ignoring him, paying him no mind as you did whatever you did, too focused on your work to even think of him.
He shouldn't like that, but he did. He loved to look at you again and again, being able to discover stuff that you wouldn't notice unless you payed attention. He liked the little details about you, your actions, how you move.
"I'm thinking of leaving before sunset." you said while you were eating, making him freeze in place. Why would you do something like that? He can't find an explanation for your words.
"You won't get to the main road in time." he said, trying to discourage you from whatever adventure you might have planned.
"I know, but I feel bad for staying too long. I feel like I'm invading your place." how stupid of you. If it was after him he wouldn't even let you go to begin with.
"It's dangerous to walk in the woods at night, especially alone." he tried to scare you. "You can leave tomorrow morning."
"Can I stay for tonight?" tomorrow as well, and the day after tomorrow, the day after that as well. Heck, just stay here at this point, he's not complaining.
"Yes." he's trying so hard to play nonchalantly.
"Thank you." you smiled, feeling somehow safer that you don't have to go back into the woods any time soon.
Don't smile at him, don't look happy or at ease. It makes him go feral. He's biting the inside of his cheek, hands gripping his own thighs and he started sweating. Why he's reacting like this to a simple gesture was a mystery but he doesn't want to find an answer to that.
He knows there's a way or two to get his demons at ease, and that's if you leave, or let him have a taste of you. But then he'll want more, and the only way to stop him then is if you let him be forever buried inside of you.
He's playing with his own feelings, he knows it, but something happened and it made him realize how much of a fool he is.
It happened accidentally, you tripped and were about to fall when he catch you. He is stupid tho, so he didn't balanced himself right and fell on top of you. He stood there, not being able to think about anything and just looked at you.
"Are you okay?" you asked, being concerned about anything you might have broke while falling.
He didn't said a thing, he looked at you with a blank expression.
Your eyes traveled from his face lower, trying to see if he's in pain. His arms looked alright, his upper body seemed perfectly fine, and well, you couldn't really see lower than his pelvis from the way he was positioned on you. So you looked up, trying to understand his face, the dark thing in his eyes that made it look like something was wrong.
"Choso?" you said his name, looking at his face in case he had hit his head. You raised one of your hands, grabbing his cheeks in it and turning his face to the sides, inspecting him further. "You look alright." you took your hand back, waiting for him to say something. But he didn't said a thing only making you feel smaller for a moment.
He was intimidating, and for a moment you actually forgot that he's a ferocious predator. Perhaps this was one of the side effects of being a hunter, feeling like tearing apart his prey and feast on you as fast as he could. Was this his way of calming himself? Was he holding back his urges to not do anything to you?
You gulped, feeling a bit scared at the thought of something happening to you. Pressing your legs together, you lowered you're, your back hitting the cold floor as you looked up at him, waiting for his next move.
His heart was beating at a normal pace, being at peace with himself as he was trying to feel more of you. You were terrified, the scent you gave off at the moment was sweeter than anything he felt before. Your rapid heartbeat only made him want to sink his body into yours. And the way you look at him? He's afraid he can't hold it for much longer.
He wasn't even thinking anymore, his head was empty as he got his body closer to yours, his cock hardly pressed against you. Lowering himself, towering over you to trap you in his arms as his face got closer to yours.
He inhaled, taking a good breath of your scent before he exhale. His cock pressed into you even harder, making you gasp at the feeling. His nose in your hair, taking another deep breath before he thrust forward, making some friction between the two of you.
He wasn't going to do anything more than this, he just wanted to feel you closer. And that's what he did. He let you go before taking another deep breath, looking down at you.
He didn't said a thing and got up, walking towards the front door, disappearing from there. He was strange, like, you couldn't understand him. Not now and not even later when he came back with something sweet in his hands.
He apologized, talking about how you had a sweet scent and how he couldn't control himself for a moment. It was the beast side inside of him, he didn't really mean it. Or did he? Well, he said that he personally didn't want to act up, so you must believe him, right?
A part of you understood the situation, the other side didn't really belied it because of how he looked at you. Even now, when you accidentally dropped something on the floor and he volunteered to pick it for you, looking up at you between his eyelashes with the same dark thing in his eyes. He never changes.
He was eating you, undressing you with his eyes and he didn't regret a thing. And you couldn't help but gulp, his actions being too obvious for anyone to think he was innocent.
It made your heart skip a beat, him not even trying to hide the fact that you gave him a boner. And yet, he still tried to be kind in his own way. But from the incident that happened today, you can't even look at him in the eyes.
It was bad, you knew it, but you were still thinking about it. The way his cock was feeling, bigger than anything you saw, rubbing right against your clothed pussy and he seemed to want more of you.
He said something about you have a sweet scent, perhaps it was that. Maybe that's why he was so obsessed with you for some unknown reasons.
You weren't thinking about anything at first, just being happy and thankful that someone let you stay for the night even if you broke into his house. But now? You really can't face him, thinking about his dick over and over again.
Did you wanted him? I mean, not really. You had better things to do and you wanted to go home and sleep in your own bed, but he did open the door to something you didn't know you had in you.
And now you couldn't help but look at him when he wasn't looking at you, feeling embarrassed and turning your face the other way just to look back at him later.
This was stupid, but now it got him thinking that you might feel the same way as he does. And maybe you're too shy to say it.
"Is everything alright?" he had to make a move or he'll die an idiot.
"Ah, well, you know.." you weren't sure what to say. "Thinking of what happened earlier." the way he changes is really strange, you never saw anything like that before.
"What about it?" he already apologized, even if he didn't mean a single word.
"Nothing, just thinking about it." it was definitely more if it got you still thinking about it. He was still thinking about it.
"What exactly are you thinking about?" you can't look at him, not when he looked like that at you.
"You know.." he doesn't know.
"I'm also thinking about it." he admitted it. He does? Because he doesn't look like he do.
"Really?" you said surprised.
"Yeah." he nodded. "You smell nice, you feel nice. It was really hard to get away from you." if he says so. "What about you?"
"Same here." you looked away, feeling your face heating up.
"Want to feel more?" he was really pushing his luck, but he doesn't want to die knowing he could have done something and he didn't do it.
"Huh?" did you heard him right?
"I'll let you touch me." oh. Wait what?
"Really?" you said, still not believing what you just heard.
"Yeah." he nodded. "Anywhere you want." your eyes traveled down without even thinking. "Even there." you gasped. "You don't have to let me do the same. It's more than enough for me if you do it." he said it with such a straight face.
"I don't know.."
"Do you want me to touch you instead?" because he will.
"It's not that. It's just.. you're sure?" never had he been more sure in his life.
"Yeah." he said and got closer to you. "Let's go in my room. There's more space there." space for what? But you didn't dared to ask out loud and followed him quietly. Looking at him sitting at the edge of the bed and looking at you.
He was just as quiet as you, watching you move closer to him, lowering yourself before him to be at the same level as him, making eye contact for a moment before you looked at his shirt. "Can I take it off?" he'll rip it off if you want him to.
He nodded, taking his shirt off as fast as possible, and then acting like he didn't had a shirt to begin with.
Your eyes traveled to his pants and he understood it immediately, waisting no time in taking it off and leaving him with nothing on him.
You were still surprised, you knew he was big, but to be even bigger under the clothes. He looked like a complete another person.
"Is it alright to touch?" he nodded, still not daring to say a word and only looked at you. You placed your hand on his abs, feeling his hot skin for a moment before you moved your hand somewhere else.
You went higher, going to his chest and squeeze it lightly before you travel lower, to his lower stomach and then even lower, looking up at him for a moment before you took his dick in your hand, strock it softly.
He sighed, hands on both of his sides as he didn't dared to do anything. He'll let you find your own pace, whatever you're happy with he's happy with. But man, your hand was so much softer than him, and at this point you might be even warmer than him.
Your hand went up and down, listening to the soft huffs he lets out.
But then you stopped, getting up and getting on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning in. Your face getting closer to his and you smiled before your lips finally touched. His hands going on your sides, holding you in place as you were still kissing.
His lips were soft, happy to be against yours and taking what you gave him. Enjoying the fact that he wasn't as delusional as he thought he would be.
His hands went under your shirt, forgetting that he said he wouldn't do anything, going with his hands up to grab your breasts since he been dying to do that ever since he first saw you.
It was so much softer than he imagined, it fits perfectly in his hand and he wants to hold it for the rest of his life. Suffocate him with your boobs and he'll say thank you, might even ask to do it again.
His hips moved on their own, grinding against you and moaning in your mouth, pressing his cock harder against you as you kepts kissing.
"Take it off." he moaned, wanting to see what's underneath all your clothes. "Let me touch you more." he helped you get your clothes off in a hurry, now back on top of him and kissing once again.
It was so much better when nothing was in the way, just skin against skin and enjoying the warmth each other gave.
He pushed you in bed, on your back before he got his head in between your legs, holding back a sinful moan just by looking at your pretty pussy. He got his face closer to you, placing a kiss on your inner thigh before placing one on your pussy, looking up at you to see if he can go further. "You smell so sweet, I can't help it." he wasn't lying, you got him drooling and forgetting his own words.
He placed a kiss on your clit before he started to lick it, moving one of his thumbs on it and circle it slowly, still placing a kiss on it from time to time before he finally inserted two fingers inside of you.
Pumping it slowly, his mouth on your clit as he started making out with it, too lost in the way you taste to realize that he really is taking his time with you. So slowly it was just painfully at this point.
But he started moving his hand, and he didn't stopped until he saw you coming. And even then he kept going until you came down to your senses.
You dragged him into bed, making him sit down as you got back in his lap, holding his dick with one hand before you got him inside of you. Both of you groaned at the feeling, it was so good it made you wander why you didn't do it earlier.
He moved his hands on your hips, helping you move with more ease before wrapping his mouth around one of your breasts, sucking on it before he moved his mouth on a surface where he could leave his mark on it. Biting your shoulder and sucking on it, then moving to another side and did the same thing. He enjoyed this, being able to hold and play with your chest as you kept moving on him.
"Just like that." he moaned, drunk on the way your body felt around him.
And you kept on moving, not longer after that coming again, this time with him following your lead and painting your insides white.
You stood there, trying to catch your breath with your arms around him as he was still processing what just happened. Then, he flipped you over, now being on your back as he pushed the head of his cock inside of you.
He looked right into your eyes, going deeper and deeper until he got all the way in. Lowering himself to be able to feel you better, his face now right against yours. Your lips tastes so good, can you blame him that he wants to kiss you forever?
And the way your walls hugs him, oh, he really doesn't want to let go. He wants you in his arms, to have you there for as long as he lives. But fuck, he doesn't know how much he can keep going because of how good you feel.
You moaned, your nails into his back and leaving red marks on him, you were so close that it wasn't even funny. And from how it looks, he was just about to cum too.
"Why don't you stay here tomorrow as well?" he asked, balls deep inside of you.
"I'll think about it." you couldn't even think of an answer to give him.
"Come on, stay. I'll make you feel good." he whined, thrusting deep, hitting that one spot hard. In response, you moaned loudly, you couldn't even think of what to say. "I'll do it as many times as you want." he tried to bribe you. "You want to feel good, don't you?"
"Alright, yes." you said without even thinking making him to kiss you before both of you came, holding you in his arms for the rest of that day. And not letting you go tomorrow as well.
#jjk smut#choso kamo#choso x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk choso#choso smut#jujutsu kaisen choso
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bastille - Ampersand [themed fics]
Being the huge Bastille fan that I am, I thought that Ampersand album deserves its set of themed fics. As all wonderful albums do (for Bastille, it's all of them).
As we make our way through the 14 tracks, each one of them will be dedicated to a separate short story (between 500 and 1k words) involving a Formula 1 driver and most importantly - you. In those stories, you will read about your friends, your lovers and your traitors. There will be joy of new beginnings but sadness of inevitable endings will follow us, too.
So take a walk with me through these lives, will you?
Intros & Narrators -> Lewis Hamilton
Synopsis: When insecurity clouds your mind again, Lewis is there to remind you that your self-doubt is an unreliable narrator.
Eve & Paradise Lost -> Charles Leclerc
Synopsis: Both of you knew it was wrong to continue the affair - you're married to another man, after all. When the news breaks out, you commit one last act of love for Charles and spin the story that you are solely responsible for the scandal. You will always take the fall for it but you both ate the fruit.
Emily & Her Penthouse In The Sky -> Carlos Sainz
Synopsis: Ever since the two of you got together, Carlos noticed your peculiar habit. Sometimes you'd be sitting, lost in thought. Then, you'd take out a sketchbook, scribble something and put it away. Thinking it's something like a diary, he never asked. Until curiosity got the best of him and you finally showed Carlos your penthouse in the sky.
Blue Sky & The Painter -> Oscar Piastri
Synopsis: After countless almost-kisses with you, Oscar is being eaten alive by the uncertainty of your feelings. The resolution to his dilemma comes under the guise of Lando's party and in the words of the host himself: "It's about damn time".
Leonard & Marianne -> Lando Norris
Synopsis: He knows you're better off on his own. As much love as he can give you, it will never make up for the fact that he's no good for you. There's a beautiful stranger sleeping beside him but in his head, he's miles away. Even though he's dreaming of the days with you, he hopes you never take him back again.
Marie & Polonium -> Max Verstappen
Synopsis: Sitting at the top isn't quite what he's been imagining. People love him, hate him and always seem to know better what he should be doing - that includes his love life. Maybe all the keyboard warriors are correct and you are, in fact, turning Max soft but the man himself will always choose to love you deeper, even if it kills him.
Red Wine & Wilde -> Carlos Sainz
Synopsis: For you, it's nothing beyond sex without commitment. For Carlos, however, it's a few hours with the love of his life. Each time, he convinces you to stay a little longer and make mistakes until the daylight. After all, nothing's real after midnight.
Seasons & Narcissus -> Daniel Ricciardo
Synopsis: He's no stranger to love and infatuation. But Daniel has to admit to himself that with you, it's not exactly what he's used to. This greedy, selfish love... Is this real love he's falling in?
Drawbridge & The Baroness -> Lewis Hamilton
Synopsis: He knows he shouldn't have gone back to the hotel with that other woman. Lewis also knows you're hard-headed and there is no way he can talk his way out of this one. Still, he's sitting at the foot of your bedroom door, waiting for a chance that might never come because we all do stupid shit for love.
The Soprano & Midnight Wonderings -> Oscar Piastri
Synopsis: When he can't sleep, Oscar ponders the could-have-been. You're happier now, aren't you? That's what all your friends say. Now that you're away from the limelight of being a "WAG", you have exactly what you wanted. Still, he can't help but think about the things we lose too soon.
Essie & Paul -> Max Verstappen
Synopsis: You're an engineer on his racing team so if your relationship is ever made public, you could lose your job. Max can provide for you but it's not the money that haunts you - it's the love for the craft. He's not one for sneaking around but if it's gonna make you happy, then that's what he needs.
Mademoiselle & The Nunnery Blaze -> Charles Leclerc
Synopsis: Considering your family's position, your relationship with Charles would be a social faux pas of a previously unknown level. Nevertheless, you find your lover across the room. Staring into his eyes, you can almost hear him say "Ma amour, say the word and I will go with you anywhere".
Zheng Yi Sao & Questions For Her -> Daniel Ricciardo
Synopsis: Retirement looks great on him and, surprisingly, he's not as gutted as one might expect. You think it's quite impressive, actually. He's survived highs and lows, and when the time came, he left with grace and a smile on his face. Daniel might let you in on his little secret when you ask him how did he do it.
Telegraph Road 1977 & 2024 -> Lando Norris
Synopsis: For Lando, the words "first love" just make him think of his childhood neighbour. Then, his heart breaks a little when he remembers she's somewhere in San Francisco. How surprised he is when it turns out you're much closer - in an apartment across the hall. Lando couldn't be more grateful for the strange mysteries that led you to this doorway.
After posting, each fic will be linked here, so save this post as a shortcut!
#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula one#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton fanfiction#lewis hamilton oneshot#lewis hamilton fic#lewis hamilton#lh44 x reader#lh44 fic#lh44 imagine#lh44#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton x you#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc fanfic#cl16 x reader#cl16#cl16 imagine#cl16 x you#cl16 one shot#max verstappen#mv1
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
WATER SEVEN BABYYYYY
Look at robin reacting when luffy says he wont give her up.... 🥺🥺
This is a joke right now but its actually a one piece tenet aldjsisjka
Usopp aksbaksjakqk the foreshadow is foreshadowing... Also Robin being happy with the crew after the Aokiji incident... Fuck!!!!
Sanji thinking robin just vanished or flew away and suddenly usopp is soaring thru the skies... imagine
AAAAARGGGGHHHH YOU CAN SEE THE GEARS TURNING
Zoro talking to merry..... only while he is alone of course
Why are nami and sanji matching ajdhakjsk look at the citrus sisters
Carpenter: maybe it was the government
Gov agent: I don't think so, also don't say that they are everywhere
LUFFY SUPPORTS WOMEN'S WRONGS!!!
Don't scream att chopper like that!!! Look at him... So small....
Imu tease???? (No) (Also I've changed websites again bc the translation is kinda off , I can't find a good quality b&w spanish translation and the colors scare me (i want the real manga experience))
GET HIM ICEBURG!!!!
I truly forgor if this is just a lie about her wanting to find the rio poneglyphs or genuine because she wants to die and will do it for them... because in skypiea she says she is not interested in the weapons so maybe if the gov pardons her but considering what she wants is illegal then idk abdjabjs this is such a dumb thing to forget... like thats important girl where did it go (reading this after remembering and it's kinda funny... i will make any sacrifice to kill myself (and keep you safe)... she goes HARD)
Little paulie and mozu and kiwi.... omg hello (the SBS says the twins wanted to be shipwrights too omg)
Franky's backstory is small but it does so much for me like it is so central to the themes... boats and people...
DID SOMEBODY ORDER MORE TRAGIC BROTHERS?
The fact that franky needs to learn this lesson to pass it on to robin.... do you understand how big this is.... also Tom does exactly as he says and takes responsibility for franky and what he has done... because he has done nothing wrong AND THAT'S HIS SON and he just punched spandam bc he wanta him to feel the pain franky feels... Tom is such a man..... proud of having built eater 7 up with the sea train.... goes out with a boom.... should we all kill ourselves....
I am crying again................... franky my god.... and the fucking frog!!! And of course franky can't stop Tom's hope for his island... of course he can't.... he hasnt learnt the lesson yet but this guy isn't over yet!! He has a life of being a pervert cyborg ahead!!! Iceburg following Tom's footsteps but franky not being able to do that bc of his guilt....
This is one of the coolest things chopper has done btw...
NAMII 😭😭😭
Robin damning the world for her crew when all she has ever done is damn her companions for her own sake.... how big is this...
I can't take this...... it's always nami in these positions... it happens AGAIN in Zou with Sanji... there is no way
The love letter gag is too good like damn that's so funny
AND IT'S NAMI GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN!!!! SHE LOVES ROBIN SO MUCH!!!!
#OOOH GRANDPA TEASE!!! he wanted to see luffy too?? omg and he owes garp a favor so he is going to kill him... alright then....#robin attacking FIRST and ZORO coming to her defense!!! CHEFS KISS!!! INCREDIBLE#my GOD!!! ROBIN WANTING TO LEAVE HER PAST BEHIND BC SHE TRULY HAS BEEN CHANGED BY THEM AAAAHHHH#this is so good... aokiji had to end crocodile and he still has a debt to someone (garp?) AND smoker told him stuff about luffy too#kokoro is such an mvp... be careful with the government agents she says.... hell yeah they should do that#the people in water 7 just giving advice to the pirates akdhaksjak sure go fix your boat but down there#robin laughing like ufufufu is so cute... also kalifa knowing everything bc she is literally a gov agent 💀 ICEBURG WAKE UP!!!#lucci pulling out the ship of theseus response akdhakaj conundrum solved everyone!!!#usopp is so heartbreaking already... beaten he goes to franky to get his money back knowing he will lose bc he wants to fix the merry... go#zoro cutting steel like its nothing... yeahhhhh also does luffy think the ship and usopp are like sanji and the baratie??#he wants to sacrifice himself for it but doesn't realize his life is the treasure and not the thing... luffy realizing this is not worth it#the fight was insane.... usopp feels useless and is enmeshed with the merry so he won't let it go and tells luffy does not care when he doe#so luffy gets mad at usopp for lying and not understanding what is going on and says he is not a carpenter (true but hurts) so he is nothin#god it is so bad... sanji breaking p the fight is so important AFTER zoro says to calm down and talk but they rile each other up...#THE DIALOGUE IS INSANE!!!! USOPP IN DENIAL AND LUFFY TAKES ALL OF HIS BAIT IT'S JUST SO AJDBAKSNSKN AND THE ONLY LIES ARE WHAT USOPP THINKS#ABOUT LUFFY!!!! BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND!! HE JUST FEELS!! HE SAW MERRY!! THE ONLY ONE!!!#luffy just laying on the hammock for hours... telling nami usopp wouldnt give up his life for an argument... then he only needs to fight...#is luffy fighting usopp just so he can de stress kind of??? like he is letting him get his punches in and then he will come back#once he thinks things through... like nami did... and what sanji ends up doing too... like just give him what he wants#luffy likes fighting friends even and this is the only fight he doesn't want.... the merry crying GOD!!!!#the impact dial... it hurts them both.... jesus.... luffy got two hits in but those were enough.... they are making nami cry SANJI KILL THE#everyone is crying but sanji and zoro akdjsks yeah luffy got him what he wanted... he can keep the ship but he can't beat him#and after all if strength is made by conviction luffy knows he is right and usopp is just in denial... so of course he would lose#franky reveal and Robin assassin reveal at the same time.... just remembered when usopp asked her specialty and robin said assassinations 😭#luffy nami adventures hell yeah.... and theres even more after the aqua laguna... LETSGOOOOO#goddamn you can see the thread of kuzan finding robin with the strawhats to then cp9 forcing her to act in water seven....#franky acting weird because he is worried about iceburg... i know it...#iceburg: its weird youre working for the government... but thats for the audience to worry about. not for me#pluton was built on water seven ✍️✍️✍️ also iceburg saying weapons are bad no matter who holds them... yeah franky would agree#reading one piece
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love the comments on the latest chapter of the path to paradise where people are like 'akutagawa leave those crabs alone!'
because that's something I do
literally traveling the world's oceans, harassing all of God's crustaceans
for example took a weekend trip with my partner for our 6 year wedding anniversary a few days ago and spent a solid multiple hours searching for and harassing crabs
here is photo evidence of the largest and most in-chargest one I found:
#i love crabs a lot what can i say#you can't tell from the picture but this dude was like baseball-sized#more proof that in a past life i was one of those mentally ill victorian ladies that got sent to the seaside for their 'health'#i love the ocean a lot. i still feel viscerally ill when i think about moving back to my home state#its a beautiful place and there's nothing wrong with it#but i would miss being so close to the water.#(i have to find a real job in like six months or so so we've been talking about where i should apply)#we really want to stay in the city we live in now but there's no jobs (for me)#as is often the issue about highly populated and nice west-coast cities#its oversaturated with people that want to stay#which ends up being an issue because you have no bargaining power and they pay shit (relatively)#also like. say what you will. but i hate weather#if i could live forever in a place that never snows i'd be perfectly happy#our parents also really want us to move back to our home state#we dont plan on having kids but i do feel guilty being far away from them for so long#sorry i'm gonna unleash some 'personal' posts today because i just have to type some stuff out to think it through#i have like 3 followers on here so i'm not too worried lmao
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly my biggest wonder about yesterdays drama was like... who even was that? not the person being called out, but the one calling them out. like, its one thing to make a throwaway to make a callout post, but to go on anon and try to pull unrelated people into it? this was clearly someone still in the taleblr server since they had screenshots from literally the same day in their callout
this isnt me taking sides because genuinely i have more important things to worry about than all that, but its different when it comes to this person because like... i just thought yall were different than that? maybe we all dont totally consider eachother friends entirely but i liked to think we were all somewhere around there for the most part
theres only so many of us and we all try to stay chill (to more or less success) because like... theres probably less than 100 of us left, and we're all adults by now as far as i know, and i know age doesnt really equal maturity, but its just so immature to try and stir drama by messaging unrelated parties.
honestly even if the person told me in private who they were its not like id make shit worse by posting about them or something because, again, i have bigger things to worry about, im just curious at this point. its not even an obligation for them to come forward, im just admitting that im curious.
if anything all i have to say is be the bigger person and block and move on when you dont like someone or something someone did. i get that you saw stuff that you found gross and you wanted everyone to feel the same way you did, but the rest of us just want to live our lives. plus i think the people that were messaged arent even in the discord so it was honestly even weirder to do that
ive had my fair share of seeing things that made me feel gross to see or read or know about, like, seriously i found out one of my friends was a pedo last year (and i promptly blocked the cunt). but it doesnt do anything to pull other people into the mess and try to start shit.
basically, just be more mature, cause i know yall are better than that. you dont have to read fics that you dont like, and you dont have to interact with people you dont like. your online experience is yours and the best option is always to block and move on. ive had my fair share of drama, and all it does is ruin peoples days, and not much else.
my biggest point, honestly, is that this is such a small fandom and i dont want whats left to come crashing down because some drama makes everyone left hate it here. i dont care whos right or wrong because literally whatever its internet drama, i just dont want this community to die out.
#taleblr#my post#plus about my ex-friend... im just satisfied in knowing theyre gross and insufferable enough that theyre not gonna have much luck#with relationships of any kind unless they make drastic drastic changes to themselves and their life.#and no i havent read the fic in question here because it just didnt sound like my kind of thing#and im definitely not proship but i seriously think its better to just move on#my thing is like... i dont want people writing about certain topics but i also know that i cant stop people#i dont like things that have been done on either side here which is why im not taking sides#you could argue im an unrelated party but i at least talked to the person a little bit yesterday in the server#i checked up on them after cause i was like 'oh this person i was talking to got banned i wonder what the deal was and if theyre ok'#because from our convo in the server they seemed nice even if they were a bit unknowing of the rules it seemed#and they basically just told me they wanted everyone to leave them alone. so yeah#ill leave them alone and everyone else should too and its just better for everyone to move on#im not going to make any more posts about this after mind you. i dont have asks or submissions on so the only way to contact me#is through my messages if anyone feels like it#or i guess if youre in the discord you could DM me on there too#but otherwise im not going to make any more posts because i just wanted to get this out of the way and move on with my day#i have a huge thing happening later and i dont need this weighing on my mind for it#just be more mature. just block and move on. dont be that guy that tries to bring other people into it that had nothing to do with it#and dont try to make this everyone elses problem#youre allowed to feel disgusted and angry or whatever you might be feeling. but dont make it everyone elses problem#also no i couldnt report my ex-friend because i didnt have the info and also i didnt have evidence more than them admitting to thoughts#and people cant be arrested for thoughts alone as much as you might wish they could#and also they werent ashamed of these thoughts which is why they were disgusting. they only hid them because they knew we would be#disgusted because were normal people. so anyway.#long post
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i spent like 2 years trying to find a way out of the friend group i was in#nothing did anything to me specifically i just didnt like how everything changed and how people left and were divided#it just wasnt the same#but now that its been a few months and I finally got out#due to my own reasons and personal life issues#i keep thinking about going back just because its REALLY silent in my day to day life#and since my personal life is in shambles rn my therapist suggested focusing on things I enjoy and people I like#and friends are awesome for that#but I dont know how to find a new group to be in#preferably one that shares my hyperspecific interests of Sonic this time#like one on one friendships make me uncomfortable I just want a group I can chat with and pop in and out of#just someplace I can go when I want to talk to people#but its hard#it feels nigh impossible to find new friends
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
think im back in my Everyone is stupid era bcuz im mad at people for literally no reason
#rolls eyes#by people i mean like maybe. 3 . and i barely talk to them . Well lately#iunno something about the way . they all act the same but they would never admit it . and theyre the type of people to complain without#trying to fix the problem#i dont know . theyre always like#i dont know what to do ! im so miserable ! why isnt everyone doing exactly what i want them to ! pay attention to me !#i cant possibly be the problem here !#and nobody ever tells them otherwise because its mean🥺 itll hurt their feelings ... what if they do something bad...!#in which case 1 i dont care and 2 they shouldnt be interacting with other people if theyd do that#it pisses me off because they always think theyre some helpless animal that cant fend for itself#but they also think they can do no wrong and if for a moment they DO think they did something wrong#the thought isnt even explored because either 1 they got coddled or 2 the victim complex kicks in#everything bad happens to me ! why does nothing good ever happen to me ! how come every relationship i have fails !#well the obvious answer is you are the constant in this experiment . if you remain unchanging but the factors around you change each time .#You are the cause .#and i dont get the fear around being wrong or fucking up like that . who gives a shit . if you put in the effort youre a good person .#it doesnt matter who or what youre doing it for . if youre trying to improve yourself you are not a bad person at your core .#you say all that though and all they say is I am trying !!! i just dont know where to start...!!! and theyve been trying for years#like bud clearly something isnt working#i dont know . maybe this is me viewing life as an experiment but Really if you analyze this shit closely you can find an easy answer#ok rant over !
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ventie in tags
#isnt that really wonderful having a major surgery that greatly effects your physical and mental health tomorrow and literally almost none of#your friends say anything about it to you#in the main server i talk in wirh just friends they literally didnt even respond#and went straight to talking about their lives#fucking thanks guys really making me feel seen and listened to#ive gotten more messages from my old guildmates on wow wishing me luck for surgery than i have any of my friends#and thats fucking 3 messagss#it really really huets and makes me super upset#i have literally had a fucking countdown going for this that multiple people have seen and still nothing#it honestly feels like a majority of the people i talk to could care less considering#none of them talk to me unless i initiate a conversation#i feel incredibly alone with this and i just want someone to talk to thatll listen to me#i cant even fucking get into any support groups near me because theyre all fucking dead links or dont exist anymore#endometriosis has been the most isolating experience of my life#i just want somebody to talk to thats it#im miserably lonely and i hate it#and im getting to be more and more angry and bitter about it because of the lack of care i recieve from#people who i consider friends#ever since i first got endo my friends have dwindled in number so much#if its not fucking me making the plans and going out people just do not fucking care#and the fucking people i was close with ended up using me for fucking sex and making me their therapist while dealinf with this#it feels a lot like people dont want me unless they can date me or i pay to do things with them#i legit feel like the last crumbs in the bowl
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#genuinely just want her out of my life the pain i experienced whenever i see her is tremendous#it is equally as painful as being ill#i woke up at 4am and its almost 6 and i can't stop thinking about her#and i stupid ass girl thought everything would be fine that she would understand what im going through and cried my eyes out asking for hel#and yet i got nothing. thinking she was someone i could rely on#it is so painful to see the fragments of what we were in other people. but she has actively avoided me and treated me so badly#and yet i bite back when she does and it couldn't get any worse#and i held to that hope that there's a way it can be fixed there's hope to that promise she said she didn't want to lose me#and lose the connection we had for so many years#it's like she's that kind of person everybody likes. everybody friend. but its only there for the good times and not for the bad times#and made me wonder what does friend mean to other people? for me is for the ppl who are in the good and the bad#i just kind of realized i can't talk to her anymore bc it sends me on this spirals of why's why's why's#why is she like that with me? why didn't she kept up with her promise? what kind of shit did i do or say that made everything go south?#this is too much for me and i don't know what I did wrong#everywhere i go i just see her bc she's my classmate but also i can't scape her bc her art is suddenly in art galleries#she haunts me in a way#but i miss her so much and i just we could go back to what we used to be#and i don't understand why shes like that with me none of our common friends understand either and everyone telling me to drop her#because of her behavior#and im just here praying for someone to pop up into my life and take me out of this misery#but it is really one of the hardest things for me is to meet new people literally my Achilles heel#its so hard to go through this pain alone i can barely keep up with the illness i have this shit is the cherry on top#made me wish I had ride or dies#and I have so many reasons to hate her and treat her badly and awful and yet i don't do it... and I even forgave her what she did to me#treats me like I was the one who did what she did to me#is really so bizarre
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Am I aroace or have I just been awake too long?
#rav speaks#its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life#anyway do people actually feel the way they describe in romance songs??#like idk ive had like 3 crushes in my life but like i dont think i could actually see myself in a relationship?#so either im aro or like I just have trouble imagining a relationship becuase ive been single my whole life#its like how sex is pretty interesting to me and id be down for it in theory but i cant see myself actually doing it#interesting in a im curious if its really all that people make it out to be#cuz it seems prettyyyy boring to me lol#specially since lesbo sex apparently takes agessss and i know for a fact i would not let a dick get anywhere close to me#anyway off topic#im trying to figure out if the way i feel about romantic relationships is the same way i feel about sex#like in theory id love to have a gf and like do datey things but like it seems like so much effort to get to that stage#got a dating app and im barely on it because ive realised i dont really want to actually talk to anyone#and like i was meant to meet up with someone today who when i first started talking to on said app i was like kicking my feet and blushing#but i noticed that im starting all the convos and decided i was just like fed up of that whats the point of trying to get to know someone#if they arent interested yknow. like they were meant to get a bus to my city and i was hoping they would just like tell me a bus time#and we'd go from there but nothing. so im just like. over it#and i feel like thsts probably not really how crushes really work?#its like i had a bit of a crush on a girl in my classes but once exam season hot and i stopped seeing her so regaually i just kinda forgot#i think she might be in 1 or w of my classes this term so maybe talking to her again will relight that but im prettyyyy sure shes staight#so prpbs better to loose the feels anyway#this is just a rambling mess now i really need to sleep#Maybe I'll figure myself out eventually but for now im gonna stick with grey aro cuz i think thst makes the most sense?#unless there are other micro aro lables i dont knoe of (very likely)#at least i know I'll always be an asexual lesbian even if i dont know if ill ever actually date girls#honestly life would be so much easier if i jsut loved my bestfriend it wojld be so cool if we could be in romantic feeling together but#alas we tried dating for lkke a week and i avoided her the whole time cuz i felt a deep deep sence of wrongness lol#its like again in theory i could see us as a great gf duo like if i was watching our lives as a show id be shipping us#but in practice its njst wrong#if anyone actually reads all of this you get a reward of uhh 🦎 goodnight!!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
briefly confided in my mother (mistake i never learn from) about how i am very sad that my ability to have a social life in the world is tied entirely to my sibling, who will be leaving here soon, and how i do not have any other way to get out of the house and how i do not feel i have anything besides work and despite everything that came after, including an apology for saying it, the first thing she said was “well i don’t have anything else either” which is exactly what prevented me from saying anything earlier because i knew that and i know that she is very good at going “it is what it is” about the most miserable of conditions and so would never admit to being unhappy about anything even though there is so much to be unhappy about including having to raise me to begin with, and that she also gets annoyed when others complain or are unhappy about anything because SHE does it and so why can’t everyone do it. and. well. i am pretty nervous about what this means for my life (nonexistent) going forward
#it is a cold thing to say but i feel like i have like. a month to befriend my sibling's friends that will be staying here#enough to want to spend time with me or else i am never going to get out of this fucking household#i dont have many coworkers my age and even fewer that i talk to because i dont like talking to people very much#which is also a massive problem because i want to but i am weird and shy and not always a fan of people and again very strange#but i can barely functionally navigate the world on my own to an upsetting degree. if i dont have someone with me i cant do it.#i am kind of freaked out about all of this. i have today off and work late tomorrow and i wanted to maybe go out tonight#but i. can't. because no one here wants to and im fucking scared to death of calling (and paying for) an uber#and then being out in the world on my own. so i just get to stay here.#not even mentioning i am fairly certain there is a new wave of That Virus going around so what would even happen if i did#which is also fuckinggggg miserable i am the ONLY PERSON who wears a mask to work besides the deli department#drops head in hands im never going to befriend anyone im never going to go anywhere again im never going to touch anyone#i do not want to say this because i am a very repressed person but i am never going to hook up with anyone which is disappointing frankly#i can BARELY text anyone and i am often in too much pain to even walk to the one thing i can do alone which is the library#like. oh my god! my life has no meaning. i trudge along thinking 'maybe it will get better'#and its not all been bad i DO have kind of an almost social life when my sibling takes me to do things with their friends#i got to play dee n dee yesterday and it was cool even though i panicked a few times under attention#ive been able to do things. i have some coworkers i like or at least talk to. im very competent and people like that though they know#nothing else about me besides that im good at my job.#but having those moments of like honest to god Hope makes it feel infinitely worse the rest of the time when im just#staring at the clouds and the clock and thinking oh my god it was all for this and it was not worth it#whatever. classic post of buzz. this doesnt matter and i dont know what the point in talking about it is but i dont have anything else#a job im good at and hate and a blog where i complain and a death wish and thats all. an unbearable early 20s myopia#this is stupid im going to do something else since ive upset myself. AGAIN
3 notes
·
View notes