#been thinking about this cause the last show but really inspired by tf GO which has an oppie that is both a bullet train and a DRAGON

[istherewifiinhell]

idk really what to make when creators from the western half of the tf Franchise Conglomerate are like. were doing something japanese inspired as homage to tfs being japanese. well one cause its results is a lot samurais, ninjas and kabuki makeup. and two. cause its like. man. those things are just over there. about like half of all tf shows are animes and yeah. they will make a ronin or ninja from time to time! also a tanuki 10/10 no notes this is a heinrich stan account.

but also third. how are you forgetting about the TRAINS??? go make some fucking bullet train bots again. u dweebs. indulge for a second in the idea of high speedrail.

[nicekaylee]

july fucking 31st

it's 2 am

after the show i said fuck all of THIS

and went on a fucking vacation. and getting therapy

and it's been going pretty sick, therapy not started. but anyways thats a write up for another day. im just going to talk about something specific that happened today.. im so pissed, and heartbroken.

CONTEXT

in my past 3 years of wasting my life on this god damn album, someone i knew a bit lit up my life in the last year,2022. this girl. the way she dresses just opened up a new sense of inspiration for me that ive never had before. so i get to know her a bit more once we hang out, and then i get to know how similar our interest in things are. we talk on the phone, and it's really nice. i knew after my birthday that this girl was someone special to me. and even though she's inspiration, i wanted to know i wanted to be there to care for her and be a closer companion, especially after knowing her past history and how i feel like she may have not felt that. fast forward 10 fucking months and im no where closer. in fact, even further away. i bet this girl doesn't think about me at all. and i'm just confused cause she barely shows any emotion at all. like one of the hardest people to understand, yet im still so invested. but it's getting very one sided. I got very depressed after my birthday, and then super focused on my album so i had little social life.. if any at all. not one message of empathy from her.. a couple of times seeing her, but never alone.. but whatever that's not the real point of the story. that was all just context. THE REAL STORY

so it's july 2023 i can't look at her as a friend, cause i have too many feelings. we talk minimally but theres a group chat thats kinda our saving grace. and just recently, she started med school in galveston. fuck. during my vacation, i'm trying to enjoy my life more. ive always wanted to wait till after my album is done, where i feel like my life will be easier, but now a days im thinking.. fuck that. i'm tired of waiting to be in the right time of my life because i can't bottle these feelings any longer. like fr this shit is bothering me so much. i'm getting older and just wishing and having this crush with no substance makes no sense.

so i need to tell her asap.

i wanted to see her in galveston. somehow ended up into a group friend thing to visit her in galveston, then her mom shut that down.

because she is in the most complicated situation literally not meant for dating at all. no car, mom takes her everywhere, curfew as fuck,her mom doesnt even want her around guys, what the actual fuck. but fuck it, she makes time to hang out in houston..for like 2 hours.. but i appreciate it honestly i understand her life situation.

TODAY she pulls up to my friends house with her brother cause her moms a freak about her going out. it's another group hangout. how tf am i gonna tell her my feelings?? anyways,

i mention i went to galveston and she seems UPSET THAT I DIDNT TELL HER?? CAUSE SHE COULDA MADE A WAY TO SEE ME..

NOW SHE WANTS TO SEE ME? WTF. idk dude it's so hard to understand her. so that was some good insight. but it's the past so whatever..

we play mario party on the switch. finish and it's about time to go. i whip out a surprise bag with gifts i wanted to treat my 2 other friends and her with! snacks for one, a fork for another, and i got her these super cute pens. she seemed to like them! she then says i didn't have to get this cause she knows im broke. WTF. honestly, shit was funny. idc but then she starts talking to me or us about some more details of her school life. she seems to always looks at me more. like most of the time. i LOVE that, but i have no clue how basic that is for her. she tells me shes finally gonna start her dream cover band, which is sick, love to hear that. someone said i should do a cover band.. i made a face and was going to say i actually do plan on it--

THEN SHE FUCKING CUTS ME OFF. AND FUCKING SAYS I SHOULD MAKE CUTE JINGLES FOR MY GIRLFRIEND(S)?? LIKE HALLMARK CARDS w pretty messages and simple JINGLES?? .....WHAT THE FUCK...

im staring at her like about to fucking lose my mind... cause i want to do that FOR HER. i almost impulsivey confess everything i feel to her. but everyone was right around me, her brother too. and i didn't know if it would be bad for her brother to hear..and have him spread info to her mom ..which will fuck her over more. i didn't wanna do that. so i just calmed down and played dumb. she left and said it's gonna be a long time till she'll see us again. what the fuck. im so mad. my friends said i shoulda just told her right there.. but idk it was so much random pressure and i wanted to be courteous and not fuck her over..

but jesus fucking christ im so mad. or some other word to describe how riled up that got me. this woman needs to know how i feel. i actually dont give a fuck anymore. im a grown dude and that annoys me that this is all weird puzzle solving teenage shit. cause if she was hinting, fuck her so im going to galveston this wednesday. giving her A SPECIAL hallmark card with a beautiful art of her and a BEAUTIFUL SONG only for her. not for OTHER girlfriends.. FOR HER. she is the one i want to make these things for . she needs to know shes the one i care about. before some asshole gets to her in galveston. honestly i actually dont care. i just wanna make sure she knows how special she is to me. that'll give me peace of mind. and she says no, then honestly im okay. anyways im doing it. wednesday. cant bottle this in anymore. i really hope she lets me see her man. i just want to let her know how special she is to me. it'll hurt my heart knowing if i never did anything. and maybe she'll share something loving as well

maybe

[yoichichi]

HQ boys with a sick s/o HC

warning(s): none :)

a/n: my poor ❣️ anon is sick and these were inspired by our last convo, I hope you’re feeling better Angel 😭 please enjoy some hq dummies and how theyd treat a sick s/o :) <3

characters: Tsukishima, Hinata, Sugawara, Daichi, Noya, Aran, Kita, Bokuto, Kenma, Ushijima, & Aone

Tsukishima

He would act bothered at the fact you’re sick, cause of course you’re gonna ask your boyfriend for things - like any notes you might’ve missed that day. But judging how he just does your homework for you you’re pretty sure he’s not actually mad.

He’d also be bugging you about taking your medicine cause he needs you to get better fast so he isn’t “stuck bullying only Hinata”, he misses picking on you too and he says it’s funner in person

He’s kind of worried about getting sick himself so he wouldn’t see you in person much but you definitely notice how frequent he’s starting to call you, he even FaceTimed you while he was at the grocery store cause you weren’t there with him to pick out your snacks. (He knows your favs at this point, he just missed your company)

The moment you’re better and he has a chance to see you he’s a bit more physically affectionate than normal - not that either of you are complaining - he missed you very much :(

Daichi

His hearts in the right place - like he’s brought some cough drops and water and such and has this whole plan for you to get better but the moment you sneeze a little too hard he’s so :((((( and just wants to hold you and coddle you.

So he does exactly that.

It can be a bit overbearing at first cause he’s VERY adamant on you not doing thing, like he’s debating on whether or not you should even be allowed to walk to the bathroom and if he should be carrying you there instead.

Rather than catch you up on anything you missed (he’ll bother suga about it later) he’d prefers snuggling in and napping the day away with you and just hopes you’ll magically get better.

Hinata

The overly worried type who’s also somehow simultaneously oblivious.

He’s CONSTANTLY checking in like are you better yet? Can you stand? Have you been throwing up all day? Is your temp still too high?? Please call me if you need anything :((((

But then he comes over with his volleyball and is all raring to go on some walk with you cause he found this awesome little trail that has some cute clearing he thinks you’d love but he seems to have forgotten you’re kind of currently bedridden.

You tell him and almost feel bad cause you can see the disappointment on his face and the way his body kind of deflates, but then all of a sudden he’s cheering back up cause he realizes that means he gets to lay with you basically all day and love up on you (regardless of your protests telling him he’d get sick too - which he definitely does)

Sugawara

I hope you wanted some tough love :(

Don’t get me wrong, he’s all about taking care of his baby but don’t think you’re gonna be milking any extra pity out of him 😭

He’s bringing you all the right medicine and extra love and any snacks you need, but he’s also bringing any schoolwork you might be missing and he’s reminding you of those deadlines.

He makes up for it with the extra study guides he made you so you can understand the material easier, and the cute little drawings he puts in the margins to better explain the material

He feels awful for his sick baby but isn’t gonna let you fall behind <3

Noya

Really believes in the whole laughter is the best medicine type shit. He’d also be looking up all different kinds of ways to make you better if he felt like you weren’t having a speedy recovery AHSJSJAJS

“I don’t know babe I’m jus sayin, this here says that if you drink raw egg whites and vinegar it’s a good immune system boost and will cure your flu in, like, 15 minutes. It might be worth a shot!”

Baby boy just misses going on dates with you 😭

Also tends to go overboard sometimes with the movies - last time you were sick he brought a whole cardboard box full of random dvds he had lying around as well as a couple of home videos of him as a child ‘cause:

“I’m hilarious babe look at these!”

Aran

Literally one of the best boyfriends you could ask for in this situation are you joking? He never hovers too much but is always just a phone call away if you need some help or are just feeling too lonely :( KING of making soups are you joking (firm believer that warm foods are the best thing when you’re ill) he definitely texts you random things throughout the day like

“how’s my baby doing?”

Or

“u feeling ok enough for me to stop by later ?❤️”

Expect LOTS of forehead kisses too

Also tends to hold the back of his hands to your face a lot so he can check your temp throughout the day, a true caregiver :,(

Kita

Ok him and Aran are tied cause this man 😪

The moment he finds out you’re sick he’s gotta know what kind of bug you caught cause he will be bringing you medicine the moment he can and he needs to be sure he’s getting the right kind. Also the type to buy you some silly little card that his grandmother INSISTED on signing (she’s very worried about you) and who is he to say no to that.

He also would hate to admit this to you but he thinks you’re so cute when you’re sick 😭 it doesn’t matter if you’re hacking up yesterday’s lunch he’s like 🥺🤲🏼 my poor little baby

He also just really likes taking care of you, definitely fits into his love language and it just feels very domestic for him to be by your side and aiding you in any way you can, and this mf is the biggest fan of the domestic things in your relationship <3

Bokuto

Honestly a little excited cause he gets to spend some uninterrupted alone time with you

Like don’t get me wrong he’s sad your sick but he can’t help but think to himself omg I get to spend the whole day with my baby! Just me and them!

Really helpful though, like you almost forget you’re sick. He’s making you food if you can’t do it yourself and he’s making sure you’re taking your medicine at the right times all while just chilling and talking with you in between! You guys watch some awful movies and laugh at them and it almost feels like a good ol date night in with your boyfriend if your body wasn’t so fatigued and sore from being sick. But don’t worry, cause Bokuto is there and ready to rub those sore muscles at any given moment.

Kenma

He just kind of shows up? Unannounced?

He has a weeks worth of stuff packed as well as a game console and a sack full of games LMAO and he just sets them down and gives you a kiss on the forehead and just ,, starts,, unpacking. You have to ask him what he’s doing cause he’s just not saying anything.

“You’re sick, so I’m staying over to take care of you until you feel better, duh. Now which side of the bed do you prefer?”

This man is casually waiting on your every need like your thirsty? Lay tf down he’s getting it for you. Hungry? Funny, he already ordered in. You’re his mf princess and you’re sick so you will not be moving a muscle.

Ushijima

MASSAGES. Massages. And cuddles :(((

Big man Ushi comes over when he has the chance with some painkillers and his big warm arms. Most of the time he’s over you guys are just napping cause he wants to hold you! Cause you look so helpless and sick and of course you guys are laying down so you guys just kind of pass out.

Also a big check in texter to see if you’re feeling up for him to be over later that day.

If you are too worried about getting him sick he’ll stay home but he’ll be kind of grumpy about it. You’d get a random FaceTime from him just for him to move his phone away from his body enough to emphasize how empty his bed is 🙄

You cave and let him come over, and when he does he just huffs and crawls into bed with you like ☹️ c’mere

Aone

Omg the biggest worrier of all of them :((((

The one most likely to say he’s sick too so he can free any responsibilities of the day just so he can come take care of you in person. Something about the idea of you being home alone and sick with no one there to make sure you’re ok hurts his heart so bad.

He also would forget to let you know he’s coming over though, so when he comes into your apartment with his copy of the key and finds you under a heap of covers with a tissue box on your nightstand he’s quickly getting under the covers with you and pulling you into his chest.

You wake up an hour or two later to feel big warm arms embracing you and you know your sweet boyfriend came over just to check on you. And judging by his heavy breaths signaling he was asleep you knew he had to have been here for a while <3

———————

ugh it’s been too long since I’ve written for hq! I hope you guys enjoyed and I always love to hear your thoughts :) <3

requests are open

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites @sweet-darling91 (if you’d like to be added to hq, aot, mha, or a combination of those lemme know!)

[night-fallz]

XY’s Muse

Based on this prompt

Like I have stated before, this is my first fanfic. Please let me know what you think of it. Any kind of criticism will be welcome.

uploaded on 01/23/21

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ao3 // Wattpad

previous II next

Chapter 2

XY was staring at the ceiling. A week has already passed. And he still couldn't stop thinking about the day he spent with Marinette. It was the most fun he'd had in a while.

Before the whole Silencer fiasco, his father would not stop pressuring him to produce a new song. So when they met up for dinner and his dad came up with the idea of stealing someone else's music, he couldn’t bring himself to decline.

XY knew it was wrong.

But all he wanted was the chance to finally impress his dad. Bob Roth might not have the best attitude towards him, but he was all XY had left.

Xy already lost his mom. He would not lose his dad too.

At least, that's what he believed. He should've known that his father was just using him for money. According to his dad, money was the most valuable thing in life.

XY scoffed. He should've known better. He should've known that all his father thought of hi-

He felt a buzz in his pocket and his face immediately brightened. Marinette just texted him!

Marinette: what's up?

Marinette: have u been inspired yet?

Marinette gave XY the idea to just sit back and let inspiration hit him. It was a common idea but it was one that most people tend to forget in the long run.

XY: nothing much

XY: and nope.

XY: my dad has been pressuring me to come up with something tho

Marinette: ignore him

Marinette: he's just mad cause he can't get any ladies

The three dots popped up on his screen.

Marinette: OH CRAP I'M LATE

Marinette: TTYL.

XY rolled his eyes and smiled.

They've been texting back and forth these past few days. He's learned so many things about her and vice versa.

It was nice. It's been a while since XY has had a friend.

Maybe she'll be even more, XY couldn’t help but think as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Huh," XY said out loud. "Even more"

And just like that, inspiration for his next song hit him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Marinette was thinking of a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed musician when she heard her phone ring.

"Tikki!" she screamed, staring at her phone as if it was Hawkmoth himself.. "He's calling me. XY is calling me."

Tikki sighed and floated next to Marinette, "Maybe you should answer it. It would be pretty rude to keep him waiting."

"Right, right," Marinette answered his call and hoped her voice didn’t sound as squeaky as she thought it did.. "Hey."

"Hey."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

Marinette didn’t know what to do. She glanced at the small goddess.

Tikki rolled her eyes at their awkwardness as she gestured to the phone. Ask him why he called you, she mouthed to Marinette.

Marinette nodded. That was a smart idea. "So," Marinette cleared her throat. "Why did you call me?"

"Right, Uhm." Marinette heard him shuffling around his room. "You know how you've been asking me if I was inspired and stuff?"

Marinette's eyes grew wide and a huge smile took over her face as she started to nod before remembering that he couldn't see her. "Yep." she eagerly said, "Did you find any?"

"Yes!" Marinette could hear the excitement in his voice. "I was actually wondering if you wanted to design the outfits for my music video."

Marinette's eyes looked shocked. "Yes!" she jumped around in excitement before remembering she was still in a call with XY. "Why me though?"

XY’s voice sounded confused.. "What do you mean, why you? You're literally perfect for it. You're talented. Plus, everyone loves your designs."

Marinette’s cheeks resembled a tomato. She has never been more thankful for the fact that he couldn't see her right now.

"Thank you." Marinette managed to mumble. "That really means a lot."

"You're welcome." XY said. Marinette had a feeling he was smiling though. "I have to go and have my dad listen to the demo. But I'll text you later, okay?"

"Yep," Marinette whispered and gave Tikki a cookie. "Good luck. I know that whatever song you came up with is gonna sound good. No matter what he'll say."

Marinette heard a faint "Thanks" from the phone before the call ended.

Marinette screamed into her pillow and looked up and saw Tikki look at her with amusement. “I think I like him.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, what do you think?" XY asked as his father finished listening to his song. "Is it bad? Do you think people will like it?"

Bob Roth grinned at his son. "This is a Masterpiece. Where did you find this?" He gestured to the video of XY singing the song, "Who did you steal this from?"

XY's proud smile immediately turned into a scowl. "What do you mean, who did I steal this from?" He yelled at his dad, his blue eyes glaring at him as he grabbed the demo from the table. "I made it. I came up with it myself." XY felt his eyes tearing up. "Something you would actually know if you thought of me as something more than a money-making machine."

How could he? XY thought as he climbed up the stairs. Is it that hard to believe that I could come up with something good?

XY slammed his door shut. "All I wanted was to prove to him that I wasn't a talentless son." XY put his hands on his face. "I just wanted to make him proud."

XY felt a buzz in his pocket and immediately knew that it was Marinette. After all, she’s the only one that ever texts him.

Marinette: how did it go?

Marinette: did he like it?

XY wiped away the tears that were starting to come out of his eyes. He couldn't help but smile. Marinette certainly had an effect on him.

XY: he called it a masterpiece

Marinette: yes! I knew he would like it.

XY: yeah

XY: but then he asked me who i stole it from

Marinette: THAT JERK

Marinette: WTF

Marinette: THAT's SO MESSED UP

Marinette: HOW COULD HE-

Marinette: DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT HIM UP FOR YOU????

XY laughed at her text messages. He only started to text her and he already felt better.

XY: no, it's fine

XY: i actually yelled at him

Marinette: ...

Marinette: do you feel better?

XY: actually, yep.

XY: he's a really sucky father

Marinette: for some reason, a lot of the blondes i know have a toxic parent

Marinette: it's kinda sad

XY: maybe it's a paris thing

They texted back and forth, XY laughing at the memes Marinette sent.

XY: You're definitely a daughter of Athena

Marinette: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

Marinette: is that a percy jackson reference i see

XY: yep

XY: have u read the books?

Marinette: duh

Marinette: you haven't lived til you've read the books

Marinette: sadly, the movies sucked tho

XY: I KNOW

XY: ANNABETH WASN'T EVEN BLONDE

Marinette: EXACTLY!!

Marinette: SJSJSJSJSJSJ

 Marinette: THE MOVIES SCARED ME FOR LIFE

XY: oh yeah

XY: before i forget

XY: what's ur insta?

Marinette: which one

XY scrunched his eyebrows up in confusion.

XY: What do you mean by which one?

Marinette: i have two

Marinette: one as my personal one and the other one for commissions and stuff

XY: ohhh

XY: smart

Marinette: i know ;)

Marinette: my personal one is @Mdupaincheng and the one for my commissions one if @MDCdesigns

XY switched his apps and searched up Marinette's personal instagram. He clicked on the first result that came up.

The profile picture was Marinette in a blue, silky dress that went just above her ankle. There was a slit on her left leg that showed her knee. It was nighttime and Marinette was practically glowing under the city lights. She was staring at something on her right side, with one hand running through her silky black hair which was down for once.

She looked hot.

After XY stopped admiring her profile picture, he finally noticed her follower count.

She had 200,000 followers. 200,000.

It wasn't as high as XY's follower count, that was still quite a lot.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

XY: i didn't know u were insta famous

Marinette: wdym?  

Marinette: which acc

XY: ur personal one

XY: u have over 200k followers

Marinette thought that she read his text wrong. There's no way that Marinette had that many followers. 200,000? There was no way.

Marinette: ur lying

XY: I'm not.

XY: check ur acc

It's been a while since Marinette has logged onto her personal account. The hate she got the last time she's been signed in was too much for her and when Alya told her to log out and just focus on her other account, @MDCdesigns, she couldn't bring herself to argue against her.

Marinette hasn't even thought of that account since that day. So when she logged in and saw that XY wasn't lying, she accidentally dropped her phone in shock.

Tikki looked at Marinette with a questioning look.  

Marinette ignored her kwami and texted the blue-eyes boy back.

Marinette: HOLY SHIT

Marinette: I HAVE 200k FOLLOWERS

Marinette: HOW TF DID THAT HAPPEN

XY: when was the last time you checked ur acc

Marinette: about 3 months ago

Marinette: the media thought i was adrien's gf and his fangirls came at me

Marinette: i got a ton of hate and a friend of mine told me to log out and just focus on my @MDCdesigns acc

Marinette: so i did

Marinette: i haven't thought abt that acc since then

XY: the fangirls were probably just jealous

XY: it's been months so they probably calmed down

XY: I'm looking through the comments rn and so far the latest hate comment you've got was about 2 weeks ago

XY: you've got a bit of a fanbase yk

Marinette: WHAT DO I DO

Marinette: DO I JUST CONTINUE NOT TO POST OR SHOULD I POST SOMETHING ON MY STORY ABT HOW THANKFUL I AM FOR 200k

Marinette: HOW COME NONE OF MY FRIENDS TOLD ME ABT THIS

XY: don't post anything rn

XY: post a picture of yourself and the caption it something that shows ur thankful for the number of followers u received

XY: OH

XY: a few hours before u post the picture, make sure u post on ur story abt how ur back from ur break on social media

XY: that way ppl will understand why u haven't been active

XY: it'll also have ppl prepared for ur post and they'll be waiting for u to post it

XY: that'll give u more engagement and stuff

Marinette: thank u

Marinette: that was really helpful

Marinette: when should i post something?

Marinette: AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHY MY FRIENDS DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABT THIS

XY: u told ur friend that u were taking a break from social media right?

Marinette: yes

XY: then they probably weren't expecting u to post anything so they weren't checking ur insta

XY: u should post something on the weekend

XY: that way ppl wouldn't bother u during school this week

XY: if u want i can help u come up with ideas tomorrow?

Marinette: yes, please!

Marinette: do u wanna come over

Marinette: we can plan it in my room so that ppl won't overhear us

XY: guess I'll see u tomorrow then

XY: just text me the time ur available and I'll be there

Marinette: make sure to wear a disguise tho!

Marinette: we got lucky last time and no tabloids caught us

XY: ur right

XY: we must've been really lucky if no one got a pic of us

XY: but okay

XY: I'll wear my best disguise

XY: goodnight, princess

Marinette blinked a few times, making sure she read the text correctly.

Princess.

Marinette: goodnight ♥

previous II next

This is the first chapter of the story. Please let me know what you think

1,967 words

Tag list:

@iglowinggemma28 @mica-aa @lady-bee-fechin @maskedpainter @snnoww26 @ravenr22 @spiritofchaoticdreams @ravennm84 @heaven428 @finn-cipher @peterxwade24 @aliceofice22 @queenamongthorns @captainmac6

[xhisokas-harleyx]

Your Hisoka headcanons were so good😭 and i completely agree with all of them- I wanted request something, u can ignore if u want. 🏃

I am just thinking of a scenario where Hisoka got hurt, by someone who 'cheated' in the fight maybe, and his first instinct was to go to his 'friend's place. And Reader helps him without hesitation, they're even worried and stuff. And he is just like "are they just so naive or dumb? Kind? What do they get from this? And tf is this feeling in my chest? A poison maybe-" Maybe hcs? Or an oneshot? Whatever you like to do. Have a good day or night!:)💛 damn i wrote too much lol sorry

This warms my heart. Thank you SO MUCH for your support!!! And no, you did not write too much! I love having my ego stroked ;) 😂 seriously tho I love hearing from you guys!

I love this prompt. I hope that I was able to bring this to life for you, please feel free to request more!

To be honest, I’m not really happy with how this turned out, but I haven’t written in a long time and feel really rusty. I may rewrite it at some point, because I thought of a different way this could also go! At any rate, I hope you enjoy it.

Word Count: 2880 (yeh, it’s a long one :o)

A little song inspiration I had:

As The World Caves In: Matt Maltese

Hisoka x Reader One-Shot: The Man Beneath the Monster

...

Well... this wasn't supposed to happen.

Currently, the jester of everyone's nightmares lay on the ground, golden eyes staring up at the dull night sky while shrapnel and debris etched patterns into his back, remnants of the attack he'd just barely survived. Hisoka didn't normally have much of a problem mowing through his opponents- but then again, they usually didn't possess the ability to play with their enemy's mind. It was insanely unfair, the way he'd been attacked, and while it had been an interesting battle to say the least, Hisoka had barely pulled through.

Admittedly, he was invigorated by the feeling of almost being beaten- save for the searing pain that inched its way through every nerve in his body. Hisoka wasn't usually so affected by pain in general- in fact, more often than not, it gave him a certain indescribable gratification. He tended to brush off the feeling of most wounds he obtained during battle, distracting himself with shuffling his cards or fantasizing about the next battle he'd be facing. Only this time, if he didn't get help, he wasn’t sure there would BE another battle.

Hisoka strained himself to sit up, and looked down at his body, analyzing just how much damage he'd sustained. A deep gash opened up his chest, revealing glimpses of the muscular content underneath, and it was oozing a lot of blood. His arms and legs were burned, and some of the skin was a little charred, which smelled just lovely against the night breeze.

This is going to be difficult to cover with Texture Surprise... he thought, forcing himself a bit angrily to his feet, when he heard the cracking of the joints in his left ankle, indications of a break. He needed medical attention, badly. His gash wasn't going to heal itself, and he would bleed to death within hours if it didn’t get bandaged.

But where could he go? Hospitals wouldn't dare take him- even though he was a hunter, most people wouldn't be caught within miles of him, let alone would provide him any remedy. In fact, most people thought the world would be better off if he were dead anyway.

Maybe they were right.

He chuckled a little at the thought, but as he tried to brush those creeping inner fears off, he soon realized that his normal detached approach wasn't going to work this time. Already, his legs were getting weaker, and his vision was getting a little darker by the second. In that moment of weakness, when he felt the most vulnerable, the magician was puzzled by the singular thought that came to his mind.

Y/N.

She was a girl he’d encountered more than a few times in his travels; not by accident, but through carefully orchestrated meetings he initiated himself. She was strong in his eyes, which was not a compliment that he offered freely, especially to someone who didn’t regularly seek out altercations to smash their enemies. She was strong in a different way- not because of her nen or battle tactics- but because of her resolve. He found it intriguing that she didn’t run at the sight of him (even when he popped up behind her in the park), and he liked that she wasn't afraid to tell him exactly where he could shove his cards, if warranted. Y/N was appealing to him in an indescribable way that made him continue to think up excuses to meet her ‘randomly’- but he could never put his finger on what it was that made her unique. However, through brief conversations and what he considered to be highlights of his travels, he’d gotten to know her only a little, but he hardly had enough contact with her to call her a ‘friend’.

It wasn't like she had any special sort of healing nen. She probably couldn't help him anyway. But if he did bleed out, and his last thought had to be of something...l it might as well be of her.

The pink-haired clown looked to the city up ahead in the distance- he was close to her house already. It didn't take him long to get there; Y/N lived on the outskirts of town in a small place away from most other homes.

It was a place he knew well, although he'd never been inside. He'd spent more than a few long nights watching the residence from the rooftop of a distant neighboring home as he denied his human emotions. He often watched her pack groceries, or try to figure out why her porch light wasn't working (which he certainly had nothing to do with), or watch TV on the couch all alone.

Hisoka quite liked those stupid romantic comedies that played late at night on the local channel. His only opportunity to watch them was through her window- and in his mind, he was sure that she left the subtitles on because she can somehow sense his presence. She usually fell asleep watching those, and missed the part where the hero gets the girl. He always watched that part with particular interest, but he can't figure out what makes the protagonists so special to each other. If there was a feeling that caused them to sacrifice so much for one another… he sure didn’t know what it could be.

But he's not a hero, so why would he know what that feels like?

As Hisoka reached her door and lifted his hand to the doorknob, not bothering to knock, a pang of what could only be anxiety ripped through him. It was well past 2 AM, and he knew she had things to do early in the morning. Their previous encounters had been abnormal, to say the least, complete with him teasing her and being a douchebag. He's been nothing but an annoyance to Y/N, so why would she help him?

As soon as he was about to pull his hand away, the door swung open, revealing a disheveled looking y/n in its place. Hisoka was bent over in pain, holding his chest, but as she startled him a little, he straightened up and put on his mask, acting complacent and confident. He wanted to say something smart and witty like he always does- that always helped to bat the pain away. But his lips wouldn't move- his tongue wouldn't function as he stared at her, unable to reach out in a way that normal humans seem to find so easy.

He felt frozen in that moment. He was normally so deliberately irreverent, but seeing the look on her face made his blood run cold.

Don’t let her see this weakness. It was a plea to himself.

But Hisoka had no choice. He was broken, and he needed her to fix him. He wasn’t used to depending on someone else to save his life, but now his life rested in the hands of someone who most likely despised him.

"...Hisoka." Y/N breathed, her eyes widening as she placed a hand over her open mouth. Only seconds passed before her delicate hands were pulling him inside the door without hesitation. She didn't bother to ask what happened, what kind of trouble he'd gotten into, or whether she would also be in danger. Instead, she sat him down on the couch, laying a pillow under his head for comfort, which he annoyingly refused to use until he absolutely couldn’t hold his head up any longer.

Hisoka was a bit dazed from the loss of blood, and the crimson river was flowing all over y/n's lightly colored couch. He was puzzled by the swiftness of her reaction, and he watched tepidly as she shuffled frantically through the drawers in the bathroom for something to heal him. Though he was on the brink of death, his default deflection of emotions still shone through, a reflex that he didn’t even mean to activate.

“I don’t need your help, you know.” He said with an impudent grin, watching as she began to work on his wounds. “It’s just a scratch. But I can see how badly you want to touch me…” Why was he like this? Here she was, giving up everything to help him (a criminal and the scum of the Earth),yet he can’t so much as even show her an iota of gratitude. He knows, but will never admit that it comes from his inner vulnerability; that fear of getting hurt by these things called emotions. She could just as easily let him bleed to death in front of her; he knows she has the capability to be stone cold. But she won’t… why?

Why?

Y/N could have easily let Hisoka’s false complacency hurt her. But she knows that what he cannot express in his words, his heart cannot truly hide. It was the way he was built, she told herself, and she pushed on through his antics because she wanted to see him safe again. Through the laceration in his tough exterior, she could not only see the flesh beneath, but a glimpse of the man he tried to hide using the monster that he assumed everyone saw.

But she was different.

The jester was confused by her silence. Normally, she would have retorted at his smugness, but right now, she didn’t even seem concerned with it as she began to fumble with cleaning his wounds. The alcohol seared his flesh just as the emotions boiling within him burned his heart. Why would she ever care to help him when he’s been nothing but rude and degrading to her? Could it be that she really can see through the detached front and overbearing persona? Impossible, he’s spent years building that reputation!

Suddenly, he became enthralled with the way Y/N’s eyes focused on threading the needle to sew up his gash. The way that those fingertips danced over his pale skin made him jolt unexpectedly at her touch, exhibiting a softness that Hisoka has never known before. In fact, he can’t even fathom someone wanting to touch him without the intention to hurt him in some way.

The details slowly became a blur in his depressed mental state- but he still analyzed every motion Y/N made.

Oddly, the promised sting of death had never scared Hisoka before; he did as he pleased, without care for his own life nor anyone else’s. But as his vision faded, and he watched her through the gaze of someone nearing death, he realized that he did not want to leave this world yet. He wanted to live- and maybe he wanted to discover and experience what he’d been missing in those movies he’d watched through her window.

With that, Hisoka’s heart began to beat faster.

Blood loss. That’s what it is… Hisoka thought; but he wasn’t stupid; only unwilling to admit that he was beginning to exhibit the same qualities he saw in the protagonists of those hopeless romantic flicks. He was unable to accept that the tightening in his chest was not just because of her stitches pulling his lacerated skin together.

“Are they dead? Did you kill them?” Her voice brought him out of the trance-like state he was in, and his golden eyes focused on her face. Her hands were covered in his blood (which in itself made him feel delightfully feverish), but his gash had been mended, the bleeding stopped for now. Once again, he didn’t say anything. It was unusual for the smug magician to keep his mouth shut.

“Because if you didn’t kill them, I’m going to.” A protective tone dripped into her voice, bewildering Hisoka again. That quality in her voice was both threatening and comforting, and the duality sent a chill up his spine. It inspired him to use his voice, though it had lost some of its signature modulation.

“You have that little faith in me…” A cough escaped his lips before he could smile as if nothing was bothering him at all. “Of course I killed them, my dear.” Somehow, calling her ‘dear’ no longer felt right; that was typically a placeholder, a default name to use for someone he had no connection with, and she seemed to be worthy of more than that now.

As Y/N suddenly dipped to her knees, Hisoka refrained from any lewd thoughts that he normally might have had in such a situation. That sensation in his chest was too distracting to allow this memory to be defiled with something he often indulged in fantasies of. She began to slide the high-heeled shoe off of his swollen foot to wrap it. She began to struggle with ripping the fabric she’d gathered to act as a cast for the bone.

Surely, she knows who I am. Why would she bother to help someone like me? What is she gaining? She knows that with the flip of a card, I could end her life. She’s not even protecting herself in any way. She’s leaving her guard down right in front of me.

Perhaps it was his dark desire to set fear into everyone he came across, or his distorted need to drive away anyone who might care for him, but his body suddenly acted on its own. By instinct, almost as if it were a test of her intention, a card spawned between his middle and index finger, which was right against her neck. With just a slight movement of his knuckles, he could spill her blood. His golden eyes analyzed the way she froze for a moment, and he believed that to be the end of this fragile trust between them. That was until she lifted the fabric she was holding, sliding it along the edge of the card, and cutting it to the perfect length.

“Thanks.” She spoke, beginning to wrap and set the ankle in place.

At that small motion, Hisoka’s discretionary eyes widened, and his lips fell open in surprise. Rather than interpreting his advance as an attack, she’d innocently taken it as an offer of his help. Was this a joke? Was she stupid enough to trust him, or was she bold enough to outsmart his games? Was Y/N this confident that he wouldn’t just kill her? This naive girl at his feet seemed to be the only person in this convoluted world who didn’t see him as a disgusting, heartless monster… and that warmed his icy heart.

“I’m surprised this hasn’t happened before. I know you’re graceful, but high heels are always a recipe for a broken ankle.” She offset the pain of wrapping those bones by talking to him all through the procedure, and it worked wonders. He scoffed, but by that time, Hisoka’s snide comments and emotion-killing thoughts had been expended. Somehow, she’d broken through the barrier that he’d spent so long building around himself.

Unable to ignore his whims anymore, Hisoka reached out to touch Y/N’s hair, the soft delicate strands pleasing his senses. It’s the only movement he can make now, his body weakened from the loss of blood. His gilded eyes were barely open, but they looked directly into hers with an unfamiliar realization. His hand travelled weakly down her face, caressing her cheek with the most delicate touch he could muster, and held her head in his large hand as she froze there. He wondered for a moment if she was afraid, or if something deeper that he cannot see calms her.

A small, genuine smile is all he could muster for her before his hand dropped to the side of the couch, the same couch he watched her curl up on most nights. For once, it’s not a smirk, and it’s not a smug smile- but something she has never seen before- a true smile with good intention behind it. His eyes closed, with uncertainty that they would open in the morning.

After she’d finished her work, she stood up, and looked down at him. The only remaining light in the room was the silent flicker of the television set in the background, which illuminated both of their faces.

“I need you to be alright, Hisoka,” She cooed, unable to know if he could still hear her. He didn’t know if she even realized how much he wanted to kill her right now, because the way her kindness was attacking his heart while his chest was already sliced open was something he should not excuse.

As Y/N’s final healing gesture, she bent over his body gracefully. He was taken off guard when he felt the feathery soft sensation of her lips on his forehead, the kiss of an angel on his clammy skin. As she went to pull away, however, she was startled by the lunge of Hisoka’s hand initiating a death grip on her wrist. He used the last bit of his strength to pull her lips into his, causing her to lose balance and be forced to brace on either side of the couch cushion below him. His lips were cold, but Y/N graciously returned the sensation, and boldly moved to embrace both sides of his face with her mending hands. Before she pulled away, and he passed out, she felt that same smile against her lips.

And in that moment, before he fades away, Hisoka realizes what he’s been missing.

Y/N.

-----------------

Hmm... part two? I KNOW, it’s super freakin’ sappy. I could have taken a lighthearted approach to this (and maybe I will later), but I wanted to kind of challenge myself to write a more depth-driven version of Hisoka. Maybe I bit off a little more than I can chew :0.

Anyway, let me know what you think, and once again thanks to anon for the request! Hope you all enjoyed!

Mac

[vaguely-concerned]

TF x Graves, 2500 words, complete and utter fluff

Stifling another yawn against the back of my hand I glance over at the window, which shows only the flat dark of a moonless night outside, before turning my eyes back to the line of T.F.’s naked back.

I’m already undressed and perched on the side of the bed, watching as T.F. is still in the middle of his nightly ritual of hanging or folding his fine clothes up all properly and neatly, lest they, I don’t know, unduly crease somewhere they ain’t meant to or somethin’. Listen, I keep my clothes in a pile on the floor by the side of the bed, right next to the shotgun, both within easy reach in the case of a middle-of-the-night emergency skipping of town. Our priorities in these matters don’t really intersect much, but to each his own and so on.

I don’t know why I’m waiting for him to come to bed to lie down myself, exactly — my eyes are already making a spirited attempt at staying shut on me whenever I blink, I’m pretty sure I’d be out and snoring in about three seconds once I got settled — but my skin has that thin restless thrum all through it that I know from experience won’t be satisfied until he’s settled into place against me and besides, the view is nothin’ to sneeze at in the meantime. He stands there shirtless, belt unbuckled and hanging loose around his narrow hips, though the fastenings of his trousers are still done up. In the light of the oil lamp across the room he’s in a rare state of relaxed unselfconscious disarray, his hair grown out long enough again that it spills over his shoulders and down his back while he fastidiously fastens the cufflinks back into place on the empty shirt so they’ll be easy to find in the morning. As he finishes up with the cufflinks he sings to himself under his breath, a good-natured jaunty little tune I vaguely remember the Brick would sometimes break out once you got a couple of drinks in him.

The hum under my skin grows higher and keener.

Stretching an arm out I hook my fingers into one of his belt loops and gently pull him in by it towards the side of the bed, until he’s standing between my legs. It prompts a half-bemused noise from him, but he goes along easily — when I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my forehead against his belly he seems to catch on, though, a sound of amusement vibrating through his chest.

He slides his hand to the back of my neck, twining his fingers into the short hair there, thumb trailing back and forth along the hairline.

T.F.’s too damned scrawny to have much in the way of padding anywhere, but there’s the warm body softness to him here nevertheless, the sweet yield and shift of a living thing whose pliancy belies the supple strength beneath. I rest my cheek against the flat of his stomach and sigh, moving my hand at the small of his back in slow caressing circles.

“Come to bed already,” I murmur, too sleep-softened along the edges to worry overmuch about makin’ sense.

He chuckles, fingers stroking through my hair. “Well, I was on my way, but then I was waylaid by some deplorable fellow in the process. Hell of a thing.”

I grin and turn my face up to him, so that my chin is resting against his belly and my lips brush his skin when I talk. “Huh. Sounds like a real shady character. You want a trustworthy sorta guy to escort you safely the rest of the way?”

“With such dangerous reprobates skulking around in the area, that’s probably for the best,” T.F. nods somberly, fond amusement deepening his voice. He runs his thumb down the bridge of my nose. “Could I afford to hire the services of a strapping upstanding gentleman like yourself, though?”

I make a nonchalant sound in my nose, squeezing him closer against me for a moment. “Eh, don’t worry ‘bout it, this one’s on the house.”

His thumb drifts down to rest at the upturned corner of my mouth as he grins back at me. “Hey, looks like it’s my lucky day.”

I kiss his stomach and lean back enough so I can start in on the fastenings of his trousers — not with any sort of heat behind it, there’s no hint of sex in the air, but in a weird way this is equally satisfying, the everyday-textured contentment of being close without any particular purpose, being the one to slowly render him naked in front of me for no other reason than that he lets me, his hands still smoothing patiently through my hair while I work.

Once I’ve got all the buttons sorted I run my thumb along the sharp edge of his hip bone until I can tuck it into the waist of his trousers and use it to tug them down. We get them about half-way down his thighs like that before we have to pause for him to shimmy out of them the rest of the way on his own, his hand resting on my shoulder for balance as he does the traditional one-legged hop to extricate his foot. Serves him right for only ever wearing pants that might as well have been painted onto him. I mean, not that I’m complainin’, mind.

“Whoa!” he says, laughing as he almost overbalances at the last hurdle, but my hand shoots out to steady him by the hip before too much disaster can be wrought. “Well, not the smoothest strip tease I’ve ever pulled off, sorry about the inconvenience.”

I nose at the newly revealed crease of his hip over the edge of his underwear. “Eh, that’s okay, if I actually wanted a proper show I’d just suggest a round of strip poker again and sit back and watch while you lose.”

“Oh, that’s a strange yet beautiful dream world you’ve made up for yourself there, Malcolm. It’s touching, really, the things the mind will do to protect itself from the truth. Positively — aah!”

T.F. jumps as I draw some of the skin of his hip between my lips and use them to nip sharply at it. His startled yelp turns into a snigger as I let go, possibly ruining the castigating effects somewhat when I brush my lips soothingly over that spot right after.

“Let that be a lesson to ya,” I say sternly.

“A lesson on what, that your mom was apparently half turtle?”

I grunt, still trailing soft kisses over his skin. “That judge in Piltover was right back then, you are an incorrigible menace to all decent and right-thinking people everywhere.”

“First of all, that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Malcolm, thank you. Two, including yourself among the ‘decent and right-thinking’ feels like the invention of some fresh new form of fraud by way of imposture unfolding before my eyes, and it’s an honour. And third, that seems to me to be some very selective memory you have there, considering His Honour Judge Highton had some even more colourful words for you after you blew up the entire north wall of the court building breakin’ me out.”

“He might’ve been given to wearing a damn silly mop on his head, but you couldn’t fault him on his vocabulary,” I concede. Before that whole incident I’d honestly thought the wigs were some sort of practical joke the Pilties would play on gullible outsiders, but as it turns out no, if you get sent to jail in the twin cities they add the indignity of makin’ someone wearing a dead badger on their head break the bad news to you. It’s a strange ol’ world out there, alright. In Bilgewater, where people are much more sensible, the justice system basically boils down to the bounty board, or — if you’ve really managed to make a nuisance of yourself — a bunch of captains may call a temporary ceasefire with each other and go get your ass together. I’ve found that the risk of getting on the bad end of an unfair trial is about the same in both places, though of course the Bilgewater one tends to be harder to come back from if carried out to its fullest. I consider myself a bit of an expert in these things.

T.F. makes a thoughtful sound. “To be fair I don’t think anyone had ever given him cause or inspiration for profanity like you did.”

“Aw. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He leans down and kisses the top of my head before he straightens for long enough to work his second foot free as well, standing there in just the sleek silky underpants he somehow seems to have an endless fresh supply of wherever we go. (My money’s on some sinister underground ring of lingerie-oriented tailors across south-eastern Valoran, for the record; when it comes to secret societies the Noxians just can’t help themselves.)

“I do my best. Hang on just one moment, I’ll be right back,” he says and ruffles my hair before he turns around, which I would complain about except that the view is, as previously mentioned, impeccable, and I’m sleepy enough to be magnanimous.

After meticulously folding his trousers and leaving them with the rest of his clothes, T.F. moves over to the table across the room and extinguishes the oil lamp, then whistles under his breath as he produces a card from somewhere — he does this, seemingly from thin air and no matter how little he’s wearing; I prefer not to speculate too much about how, exactly — and lets a little magic into it so it gives off a low glow, only enough to light his way the short walk back across the room, ‘cause in T.F.’s world the stubbing of toes and smacking of shins against unexpected furniture in the dark is somethin’ that happens to other people. That probably says some things about him I’m not ready to go puzzlin’ out at this time of night, and that he wouldn’t want to have anyone go puzzlin’ about too hard in the first place anyway.

When I hold out my hand for him in the dark he smiles and takes it, twining our fingers together, and I use the hold to tug him in and deposit him, in a neat controlled wrestler’s roll held close against me as I lay down, to his side of the bed. He laughs again at that, a surprised delighted sound that edges dangerously close to a giggle but hey, I ain’t no snitch, so who’s gonna testify against him, huh?

The card ends up on the far side of his pillow after the tumble, still giving off a glow, enough to illuminate the bed and lend the shadows around it some warmth. It makes the bed seem a small cozy island, the rest of the world rendered a not-unfriendly ocean of darkness around it.

T.F. looks at me like the world’s most contented castaway, bourgeoning crow’s feet punctuating his smile on either side and fingers still linked with mine. His hair is mussed from the meandering fall onto the bed. If I were only fractionally less about five seconds away from fallin’ asleep, my body might start to get ideas about it. Well, tomorrow is always another day.

With the back of my free hand I brush some of his hair away from his brow, and he cranes into it like a well-pleased cat. Even with the blankets tangled around our feet and the not-quite-right positions we’ve ended up in, having tumbled into place rather than settled ourselves with purpose, everything feels warm and loose and comfortable, like I could fall asleep like this even with the decidedly odd angle my arm is at.

As if sensing that the drowsiness is about to claim me for real, T.F. brings our linked hands up to his face so he can press his lips to my scarred knuckles before he lets go, then reaches to pull the covers over us, taking a moment to tuck the blanket around my shoulder properly before snuggling under it himself, hooking his leg over my thigh as he settles into place. I shift until we fit together, the familiarity of how to rest against each other just right comfortable like an old and well-loved piece of clothing. On a sigh he rests our foreheads together, craning forward the tiny amount needed to brush our mouths together and humming contentedly when I meet him there. It’s a slow kiss, but it lingers, a dry sweet press of lips like one last spark sending the day off down into the gently drifting murk of sleep that’s about to claim me for a few hours.

When it ends — I don’t think either of us was really the first to pull back, at some point the kiss simply, in the way of snowflakes on tongues, melted into something different and less defined with the warmth — there’s a moment when my eyes can still fight against slipping shut. It’s weird, the way you can look at someone every day for years and still not feel like you’ve had your fill. T.F.’s sharp narrow face, his high pointy little cheekbones and mouth still curved with a smile as he watches me back — there’s something to knowing I’m gonna see all that again tomorrow morning that all the damn money on Runeterra couldn’t get you. And take it from me, from what I’ve seen of the world there ain’t a lot of things in this life enough money won’t buy. Stumbling across one of them long before we even knew what we had, by a stroke of little more’n dumb fucking luck… sometimes it feels like the biggest heist we ever pulled.

“Hey, Tobias?” I say, brushing the tip of my nose against his as my eyelids finally give up both the battle and the war and slide closed.

“Hmmm?” he says, cheerfully drowsy as well.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I murmur, because I can’t think of any damn happier thing in the world to say to him.

He wraps his arms around me, his hand stroking meanderingly up and down the scar-crossed span of my back, fingers trailing over my skin with the perfect amount of firmness because he’s taken the time to learn exactly how much pressure it takes to make it comforting. As sleep starts pulling me under to calmer depths I tuck my head under his chin, so my face is pressed to the line of his throat and to his chest. He smells so nice, all warmly real and well-known like my own breathing.

“Tomorrow,” he agrees on a yawn, nuzzling at the top of my head and tightening his arms around me, just for a moment.

I've been trying to write stuff -- literally just anything, no matter how meandering and nonsensical -- to try to break out of a writer's block; it's not really working so far but at least I've got SOMETHING tangible to show for it at the end of the day, so, you know, uh... partial success I guess?? haha

The idea of T.F. having a judge somewhere out there who considers him the One True Nemesis of his career, J. Jonah Jameson style, even though T.F. barely even remembers his name, came from a wonderful conversation with @inversway, and the idea makes me laugh so hard every time I think about it.

ETA: Also put this on AO3, so I have somewhere to put these ficlets that isn't just tumblr! I'm grimly clinging on to this blue hellsite like a obstinate barnacle to the hull of the Titanic, but I do realize it's not the best place to archive uh anything lol

[wolfpawn]

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 60

Story Summary - Based on an idea I had that I submitted to Imagine Loki. Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.

Chapter Summary -Now that Ella has Gungnir, Loki feels slightly uneasy and she shows him she is all the more powerful for it.

Previous Chapter

Tags - @peppermint-j @damalseer @perpetual-fangirl @tinchentitri @inspired-snowflace @raphaelaisabella @alexakeyloveloki @caffiend-queen @devilbat @nonsensicalobsessions @skulliebythesea @majoringinlife @salempoe @lotus-eyedindiangoddess @rookienumber98 @ivytoh @agarwaeneth @rosierossette  @arch-venus25 @nessamaurice @winterisakiller @black-ninja-blade @alexakeyloveloki

Request if you wish to be tagged

NOTES: How has it been so long since I updated? Where TF did the last few weeks go? I mean, I went to London for a few days but I didn't realise it had been so long. Apologies.

Loki eyed the weapon in his mate’s hand warily. Gungnir, one of the most deadly weapons in all of the realms, the staff that obliterated dozens of Jotnar with a single blow in the war, stood in his bedroom in the hands of his mate. More startling still was what Odin Allfather had informed them and why he was relinquishing his hold on the almighty weapon. His son, the future king of Jotunheim would be its next true bearer. Ella, his mate would guard it until their son was old enough. This already incredibly powerful seidr wielder was made all the stronger until their son would be trained in how to wield the weapon and he had no doubt Ella would push their son to be as powerful a wielder as he could be. He did not fear his mate but he did fear the very old warning that power corrupts and absolute power, which she now had, could be all the more dangerous. He looked at her hand, her fingers almost twiddling around the cold metal of the staff. When he looked at her face, he diverted his eyes for a moment.

“You seem somewhat fearful?”

“My mate is holding a weapon that could obliterate a realm if she felt like it. It is somewhat unnerving.”

“At least you know that none will try and take your throne by conquest,” Ella pointed out. “None would be so stupid as to question your reign publically now.”

“You could decide to take over. A hostile Aesir takeover.” Loki ensured to be looking at her with a jestful look on his face in case she thought for a moment that he was serious.

“Asgard clearly likes to take the long and convoluted way of taking over a realm, doesn’t it?” Ella laughed. “No, I would not do well as the Queen of Jotunheim. Though, I have heard more than once that I will wait until I get these two sons that were planned and then have you and the entirety of the rest of the Laufeyson and their children bar ours killed so to control the throne via our children with none to contest them.”

“I heard that one a few times too. Though this cannot help but feed those rumours.” He indicated to Gungnir. “Is that not awkward to hold? Does it cause a difference to your centre of balance with the baby?”

“It is awkward only because I am not used to carrying it. With regards to my centre of gravity, I am not so weak, I can assure you.”

“I do not doubt your strength, I am just…”

“Being a concerned mate, but I could defeat you in a fight with it right now without even using seidr.” She smiled, her glance going to Gungnir for a moment.

“Really? How could you possibly do that?” Loki asked, equal parts confused and worried by her statement.

“Come forward with your weapon drawn and find out.”

Loki looked at her appalled. “Absolutely not. I am not going to come toward my pregnant mate with weapons drawn. What if I hurt our son? What if I hurt you?” He shook his head violently from side to side. “No, absolutely not.”

“You think you could even get a blade near me?” Ella scoffed. “Not possible.”

“I rather not take that chance.”

“Loki…” His face told her everything. “Fine, try and do something benign that is no risk to us.”

Loki looked at her apprehensively before slowly coming forward creating a blunt ice blade in his hand that was entirely harmless. When he noticed her grip on Gungnir alter, he became slightly more hesitant, wondering what she could be planning. Curious, he stepped forward and was knocked back quickly by a swift flash of gold. It took him a few seconds to realise that Ella was not in the position she had been in before and she was now in a side profile, Gungnir now firmly in the opposite hand. “You…?”

“I told you, I am not without means to defend myself. Try again.”

“Ella, if you were to be hurt…” Loki stated apprehensively.

“You would have to be a risk to me for that even to be an issue.”

Though she had a playfulness to her tone, it was clear that she had no faith in him being able to strike her. With a raised brow, again, he gripped the blunt blade tightly in his grasp but this time, stalked towards her with intent.

Seeing that this time, he was more open to her idea of showing what she could do, Ella prepared herself. Though he was frightened of hurting her, Loki went to strike first only to have Gungnir shatter the blunt hollow ice blade before he could get too closer to her.

“Try harder,” Ella smirked and she began to walk off, her back to him.

Loki knew it was a trick, he knew she would never be so foolish as to leave herself at risk of severe injury, so he did as he was sure she was expecting him to do and created another hollow blunt blade and went to strike her again. If he thought being pregnant was going to impede her in any manner, he was very much mistaken as Ella whipped around elegantly, blocking his attempt to strike her with his blade and halting just before she would have struck him with Gungnir, their faces being mere millimetres apart in her doing so.

“Better but not good enough.” She gently leant forward and kissed his cheek playfully.

Loki was baffled into remaining still by what had happened. It was all of a few seconds and Ella was nothing but a blur through most of it. “I…”

“You underestimated me,” She smiled, nuzzling her head in against his neck. “Don’t fret, I am used to it.”

“It has nothing to do with underestimating you. It is to do with you are my mate, it goes against everything I know and think to harm you and to add to it, you are considerably pregnant with our child. Do you honestly think I could want to harm you?”

“Of course not, hence my allowing you to come so close to me without harming you. Do you think I would risk myself or our son if I did not trust you entirely? Do you think any other would get so close to me and only receive a kiss on the cheek?”

“I should hope none other gets that from you.”

“I thought you did not like kissing?”

“I don’t, especially not the one where you look like you are attempting to eat one another. The one you do, that is not too peculiar.”

“You like it, don’t lie. I think you forget that I pay as much attention to you as you do to me. I know when you like something.”

“You are mistaken, I pay more attention to you.” Ella’s brows furrowed at that. “I find myself awake at night some times, worried about every sort of matter. The realm mostly, sometimes I also see scenes from our time on Alfheim replay in my mind.” Ella rubbed his arm kindly at that comment. “I feel the humidity. I sweat. I see...then I look at you, beside me, asleep and feel our son move in your stomach as he rests. It grounds me.” He leant in against her in the Jotnar manner, his hand cupping her face. “I do like it,” He admitted.

In truth, Ella was startled by his confession. She knew it to be true but him saying it was startling nonetheless.

“But I also like that you do this.” He nudged he head slightly to indicate to how she was showing the Jotnar way of affection.

“I still find it startling that the cold-hearted being I came here to marry turned out to be such a softhearted mate behind it all.” Ella toyed slightly with his hair as she spoke, long having realised that he liked the sensation.

Loki sighed contently at the feeling. “It’s hard to believe that I truly thought I could never come to even like you, much less love you, yet here we are. As soon as I was forced to look at myself and my actions, I thought over your words and you were right, I did not allow myself the chance to love you and when I changed that, everything changed. Now I have a strong and incredible mate and a son that is growing swiftly and will be here soon. I could not ask for more.”

Ella always was able to come up with some form of retort to almost any situation she found herself in through her life but she could not find words to respond to him.

[lnarizakis]

ranking haikyuu!! schools based on their school spirit

before you grill me with my rankings please know that i! love! all! of! these! schools! equally! i do not hate any particular school; i am simply ranking their school spirit. this is also lowkey crack because what everyone said made me laugh and honestly i came up with this idea for the laughs. so, like, don’t take this personally.

thanks everyone who helped participate by filling out the google form!! everything you’ve said i used in this. we will be going from last place to first place, so let’s start!! btw i ranked 11 schools into 10 places, so there are two 10th placers HAHAH anywayssss

10: ITACHIYAMA, NOHEBI

Alright, so let’s start with Itachiyama. I got one person who mentioned them in my last category, which was “any other school i didn’t mention? & why” and honestly we don’t know anything about them. But perhaps the mere fact that they were winners says something I guess?

❝ itachiyama bc the school are WINNER WINNERS i wanna see their hype ❞

❝ i’m sorry who ,,,, i deadass don’t know that team eye— are they from the last season ???? if so that’s why LMAOSNAKBS WAIT IS THIS GERMAPHOBES TEAM ??? THOSE NEON PISS PUKE LOOKING BOYS SOSNSJNSJDHS bro i’d drop tf out of that school if they gave me that ugly ass uniform OH MY GOD WHAT DOES THIER SCHOOL UNIFORM LOOK LIKE SKBAIABSJS BRO IMAGINE ❞ (about Nohebi but referring to Itachiyama)

Moving onto Nohebi: their tactics, as we’ve seen in the OVA, aren’t the most...... ethical. Though, they’re still supported by their cheering section so I guess it’s fine by their entire school?

❝ From what I recall, the schools pretty implicit in the teams techniques so at the very least they take pride or believe in the teams tactics enough to support them. ❞

❝ they be cheating >:( ❞

❝ nohebi scares me for no reason❞

Despite this, they’re still a team that shows solid support for one another.

❝ support all teams because all of them could trash me if it came down to it ❞

❝ they have fighting spirit alright but i just don't approve of their methods❞

❝ their stage play SLAPPED ❞

9: WAKUTANI

Okay, the team as a whole shows support for one another, especially their captain, Takeru. However, from what I recall, there’s not much... school spirit coming from their actual school. From Takeru’s family? Definitely, but they’re not the actual school.

❝ wasnt wakutani pretty good i don’t remembee ❞

❝ wakutani - a solid 8 ❞

❝ wakutani south because takeru’s family carried the cheer period ❞

8: JOHZENJI

Their whole team radiates spirit, but I don’t remember if they actually have a cheering section. Unlike Wakutani, where most of their spirit/support came directly from Takeru, each one of the members of the team had their own school spirit. Their school spirit isn’t that recognizable to be remembered by most people, though.

❝ a six cause i don’t really remember if their school was even there like ???? all i remember is baby teru and his fellow goofball second years that i absolutely adore, i am them. LMAO if i were to— fuck how do you spell realistic THERE SINSNSJ if i were to realistically join one of the haikyuu schools it would be johzenji cause i just vibe with those boys so much ksbsksj no brain cell squad ❞

❝ they ARE the spirit ❞

❝ not serious enough askdjsa ❞

❝ they appeared onc but even when they wanted to win, they just wanted to win to play around? there's that i guess ❞

❝ i don’t remember ❞

❝ I don’t remember much about them tbh ❞

❝ well... ❞

7: KARASUNO

Much apologies to the OG team. For one thing, their cheering squad, while I must admit is very impressive and loud, is not Karasuno High School itself. It’s literally coposed of a bunch of outside associations. And when their cheering section from the actual school does show up, they’re not even synchronized; they practiced for one day and called it “school spirit.” They showed up for one match and that was it.

❝ did you see them at the shiratorizawa match? they weren’t even synchronized ❞

❝ they mean to their vb team and they had a wack ass cheer team but character development ❞

❝ chaotic good but crows ❞

❝ mmmm we don't see too much of the school rlly apart from the vbc,, but what we do see is pretty supportive ❞

❝ LMAO remember during the first season when the school REUSED an old banner for the boys but not only was it a old banner but a banner for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT sport yea lmao that’s just fucked up jsjsj also i don’t really see that much school spirit like ???? no taste at all ❞

I guess their school spirit within the team, their fighting spirit, makes up for it. Again, my greatest apologies to Karasuno. You can do much better than that.

❝ The way the whole school came out to support the vbc before the shiratorizawa match,,, I love them so much!! Also Saeko coming in with a DRUM TEAM for the Inarizaki match,,, like they’re so so supportive and Karasuno’s not a rich school like Shiratorizawa, it doesn’t have a highly ranked band like Inarizaki but like the team itself they’re plucky and do the best they can with what they’ve got. ❞

❝ They have the most dedication to me ❞

❝ they're so supportive of each other and very chaotic, all of them ❞

❝ kageyama tobio could get some !! ❞

6: NEKOMA

Honestly, I had a hard time choosing whether to put Karasuno or Nekoma in sixth place. I went with Nekoma because of Kuroo’s “inspirational” pep talk, which really shows the bond between each of the members of the team, but they’re still ranked pretty low because I can’t get that one scene out of my head from the manga where it’s this one match (I won’t say which one) where students from Nekoma attend the match and a couple of them go, “Wow, this is my first volleyball match that I’ve been to!” Like, dude, seriously? Wow. They also take sixth since their cheering squad, also composed of students, is led by a Nekoma Junior High student. We love supportive sisters.

❝ stage play cheer stage play cheer stage play cheer stage play cheer ❞

❝ i just love nekoma ❞

❝ chaotic good but cats ❞

❝ kuroo tetsurou ❞

❝ deadass it’s 2 am and i have no idea what i’m doing but anyways 7/10 cause i like their stage song/cheer ya know NEKO NEKO NEKOMA like it’s cute ksjsjs besides that i have no idea LMAO ❞

❝ they're very subtle even tho they have chaotic moments, they're more focused on defense while playing ❞

❝ Some of them really care and some dont ❞

❝ they’re all so into it! Like, Akane with the megaphone, Alisa screaming Lev’s name, they’re all pretty devoted. ❞

5: FUKURŌDANI

I would have ranked them a little higher if it weren’t for other more spirited schools. The whole school knows how to hype up Bokuto, along with cheers of their own. The team itself knows each member so well that they’re able to adapt to whatever their ace is feeling.

❝ stage play was good but not as good as nekoma stage play ❞

❝ they have to hype up bokuto ❞

❝ CHAOTIC ENERGY + BOKUTO SUNSHINE BOY and i am bias + THEIR COLOURS + JERSEY OMG ❞

❝ owl boy & pretty setter ❞

❝ FUCK why can’t i think of any of the episodes where they show the student body like ??? school spirit is nonexistent in my eyes i can’t recall a thing— anywhore 9/10 for my owl babies because i believe bokuto hypes up the students ALOT and therefore they are more into ya know spirit woo ❞

❝ have u seen their dynamic? they're strong and so supportive of their ace, their captain, the family bokuto needed - i could go on but yes, i think u get the picture ❞

❝ They love Bokuto so much 🥺 they’re all v supportive of the team and it seems like they also know how to get him to perform better and Fukurodani’s a powerhouse so I feel like they get into it. ❞

4: AOBA JOHSAI

Their cheering squad is so synchronized and so well-performed. They know what they’re doing and when to do things. You can tell they’re devoted. School spirit within their team is pretty strong, and they have a good bond with each other.

❝ fangirls can do anything ❞

❝ oikawa kinnies ❞

❝ chaotic good but plants ❞

❝ i don’t know whether they have school spirit or they’re just fans of oikawa LMAOOO AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT KSBSKSJS like deadass it’s just his fan girls ya know what i’m saying ❞

❝ MANNN THEIR *CHEERS* I'M- ❞

❝ OAHAISOAOAHAHHA SEIJOHHHHHHH ❞

❝ i love them for the 3rd years but that's about it ❞

❝ From what I can recall there’s nothing super special about them? I do love how they say olé for all of Oikawa’s serves (but ppl do that for other schools, so) ❞

3: SHIRATORIZAWA

So much to say about them. From their entire cheering squad that consists of both cheerleaders and drummers, to the fact that when they feel like they’re being challenged with who can cheer louder they start singing their school anthem? Absolutely powerful.

❝ cheerleaders ❞

❝ i would not want to be in preppy school but i do love SHIIIRATORIZAWA ❞

❝ they are close like family uwu tho they seem to be SUPER STRESSED bc studies ❞

❝ 10/10 cause have you heard their cheer? god tier. that shit would distract me so much during a game like what’s the purpose of being so god damn loud and extra other than distracting the enemy ??? i rest my case ❞

❝ SHIIIIIRATORIZA (also ushiwaka has his own lil cheer so like yes i support) ❞

❝ i dont particularly like or dislike anyone from them and simple is best so ?? ❞

❝ The Shiratorizawa chant is so simple, so good,,, I think they were also the first team we saw with actual cheerleaders too! Nice big rich private school cheersquad money right? ❞

2: DATEKO

Need I say more?

1: INARIZAKI

There’s too much to say. They’re so extra it’s unbelievable. The entire cheering section knows how to adapt to each members’ likes and dislikes, and will call others out when they need to do so. For instance, when that one guy asked the two girls not to cheer while Atsumu is serving? Absolutely wild. And when they start booing or play a tempo to throw off the opponent whenever it’s the other team’s serve? Their practice and precision really shows. It’s crazy. And I’m pretty sure that they’re the only school that brings their entire orchestra to play during the matches.

❝ according to the wiki their marching band literally works to throw off the other team and if that’s not dedication idk what is ❞

❝ atsumu, shush me anytime ✨✨ ❞

❝ idk them asdas ❞

❝ deadass i’ve been on episode two of the latest season ( is it four or three?? i can’t fucking remember,,, 2 am is no brain cell hours ) for w e e k s because of second hand embarrassment. periodt. like hinata baby pls i’m begging. anyways suna is a god in my eyes, i deadass thought sakusa ( the germaphobe right?? ) was on the same team guess not i don’t know his uniform is ugly tho looking like a fucking germ himself ( THAT WAS GOLDEN SISJSJ IM PROUD OF MYSELF ), and lastly i have fallen in love with the man that is osamu, he can cook,... and he can do a whole lot of other things but my brain is malfunctioning so we’re gonna stop right there. #stanosamuforcleanskin ❞

❝ they have a fucking BAND ❞

❝ another chaotic team with their very own freak twins, i ranked them high because holy fuck that cheering band?? ❞

❝ Inarizaki’s cheer squad,,,, personally I lowkey hate them because deadass BOOING another player is tacky at best and kinda rude but my GOD do they put in the work. Cheerleaders, top ranked band, the timing and tempo thing? Insane. Oh, and the way they actually go silent for Atsumu like how the fuck did he pull that off?? ❞

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks for reading! I’m glad you read this far. I hope this made you at least smile just a little bit because it definitely made me smile. And please don’t think that I don’t like any of the teams! I love each and every one of them; it’s just that some have more school spirit than others... anyways!

Whoever sent this, I just wanted to let you know that you made my entire day when I first read that. It was so unbelievably funny HAHAH

[inkvvells]

⧼ toby regbo, cis male, he/him/his / quarter-life crisis by judah and the lion + desks piled high with books and materials, always crowded but never messy; guilt and shame that eat away at him with every mention of family moments and memories he chose to not be part of; three cups of black coffee to make it through the day, four if there’s too much that needs done (there’s always too much that needs done). ⧽ ━━ hey, isn’t that PERCY WEASLEY? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY-NINE year old pure blood WIZARD is a GRYFFINDOR alumnus who has gone on to be a MINISTRY EMPLOYEE. i’ve heard they can be quite DRIVEN & METICULOUS, but i don’t know… they came off very OSTENTATIOUS & NEUROTIC in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it? — [pinterest]

who ordered a pretentious, family-abandoning guilty nerd? no one?? guess this one is on the house then. i’m???? super inspired in writing this bio and its more of a character analysis than anything else bc he’s an established enough canon that we don’t know much about personally so i went ham but i’m not about to ask y’all to read the mess i’ll inevitablty type up for him, so here are a few brief bullet points for now bc i want this up:

learned that the best way to get praise was to do everything he was told, be as respected as bill and charlie, and look after the younger kids. he took these lessons and ran with them into overdrive because percy only knows two modes: zero or one-hundred. hence how he turned out to be a killjoy

stupidly smart and stupidly ambitious. the sorting hat considered putting him in slytherin and he debated with it until the hat got annoyed with him and gave him gryffindor instead. you can pry that hc out of my cold, dead hands

so much of him is based in guilty: for the fight he had with arthur, for putting up so much distance between him and his family for years, and for not coming back to them until the very last minute. there’s also an immense level of guilt thinking he had a part in fred’s death, because he was there when his brother was killed and he wonders if he hadn’t caused a distraction, if fred might still be alive. he’s never spoken about any of his guilt because he’s about as good at communicating as he is at having any chill (aka, not at all)

after the war (and all of the grief and pain and healing that followed), percy made his primary focus on rebuilding his relationship with his family. it’s not been easy, but if the war taught him anything, it’s that he will not lose even more time

currently employed at the ministry (duh) in the department of magical transportation because jkr said that somewhere, i’m just too tired to cite the source

i’ll make a stats page and link it later along with the rest of the finished bio, thank u and good night

BIO — under co.

Born the third son to Molly and Arthur Weasley, one of the very first lessons Percy learned was that it was easy to get lost in the crowd. In a family that finally tapered off at seven children, there was always someone crying, laughing, or making some sort of racket (sometimes all three at once). It was such a loud environment, and it was clear early on that Percy didn’t like loud. He liked things to be quiet and structured, because that made sense to him.

While all of his brothers were causing chaos, Percy was more likely to be found trailing after their mother. It was the only time when he felt like he got one-on-one time — he’s never been all that great at sharing, you see, even within his family. Even better than the time, he quickly realized that it was the best way to get recognition in a family as big as his. Rather than trying to make the biggest display for reinforcement, Percy learned to set himself apart by doing exactly what he was told. When his older brothers were away at school, and the younger kids were causing Molly to want to tear her hair, there was an overarching, sometimes unspoken (often times not) question of, why can’t you lot be like Percy? Responsible Percy, who completed all of his lessons as soon as possible and made sure to not track mud into the house and make a mess. It didn’t matter that it made him less likable to his siblings. It didn’t matter that that lack of likability sometimes felt like a lack of love, either (not that he would say that out loud). Their family was under enough stress, with seven kids and strained finances. He wouldn’t be the one to add any more stress.

Over time, it became less about being the responsible one for the sake of being good, and more so just... because that’s who Percy was. He could be overbearing to a fault, and it wasn’t helped by the fact that he sucked at communication. Whenever he scolded the younger kids for even the most minute thing, it didn’t come from a place of anger. In Percy’s mind, rules were established to keep you safe, and if his siblings broke any of the his mother’s rules, it meant they were making themselves unsafe. He may have been garbage at showing it, but Percy always has and always will love his family. The thought of something happening to them, especially something he could prevent, was not okay in his book. They needed to listen in order to be safe, and if that meant he had to act like an overbearing mother to guarantee that, then so be it.

While he was his mother’s shadow growing up, there was also a deep respect for his father. That respect greatly shifted as Percy grew up and learned their family’s status in the wizarding world, but as a little kid? He wanted so much to be like Arthur. That’s why his desire to enter the Ministry has existed as long as he can remember. Thus began a serous case of tunnel vision further fueled by Percy’s own ambition. Once he set his mind to something, good luck getting him to change it. And Percy’s mind was set on the best.

One thing Percy has kept to himself for years is something said to him during the sorting ceremony his first day at Hogwarts. Slytherin would suit you. Percy determined that that stupid hat must be broken, and mentally argued with it for a solid minute before it put him in Gryffindor — like his parents, like Bill, and like Charlie. His only real care? That he couldn’t stand to feel more disliked in his family than he already did.

His school years were everything that he needed them to be. By the time he started, he already had everything planned out. Get top marks? Done (friendly reminder that Percy got twelve O.W.L.’s, how tf). Become prefect? Done. Become Head Boy? Check, check, and check. Of course, it was far more than just a bit stressful when the twins started school and his lecturing towards them went into overdrive. Then Ron, who’s life seemed to be put in danger every five seconds after befriending Harry Potter. And then the entire debacle that was Ginny’s first year. Needless to say, Percy got his first grey hair at aged sixteen. But he managed to deal with (read: ignore) all of his stress and worry, and left Hogwarts with Os on all of his N.E.W.T.s and a job offer at the Ministry. Everything was going to according to plan.

Everything did not go as planned. His first year at the Ministry was an absolute disaster, to put it lightly. His boss never learned his name, which was humiliating enough. But Percy knew that what he wanted involved playing along in order to work your way up, so that’s exactly what he did. And it worked! Even when most of his correspondence with Crouch was done through letters, it felt like something. Being asked to carry out Crouch’s role in the Triwizard Tournament felt like a reward. Nevermind that he was 18 at the time and that job should have been done by somebody much more established than him. So when word got out that someone had been Imperio’d for ages by someone, Percy was an easy target to blame for not noticing. He could have bit back that had barely known Crouch beforehand, why was it being put on him? He didn’t fight back though. That wouldn’t do him any good. He took it all in stride, bit his tongue, and did what he’d always done: exactly as he was told.

We don’t discuss the fight and his subsequent abandoning of his family.

Percy doesn’t like to think about the almost three years that followed. Why would he? The first few weeks were spent seething with anger, towards his father and towards himself. After the anger cooled, it was replaced with overwhelming guilt. Not for the doubt that he’d had in his parents’ side, oh no. He was still very adamant that they were delusional for trusting the word of a teenage boy and an old (though arguably respectable) man over the governing forces, those same forces that he’d been in awe of since he was a kid. No, Percy’s guilt lay in the accusations he’d shouted, and the blame he’d placed on his father for their family’s financial state.

listen i’ll elaborate on his time during and after the war later, it’s like 2am and i’ve been fighting with my laptop for hours and this is already sO MUCH THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR, PERCY IS JUST MY CHILD

[vetoing-clocks]

Decepticon!Hot Rod Anniversary Q&A

Yes! It happened! On November 13th, 2018, I posted a vignette on Ao3 based on the idea “What if Hot Rod had become a Decepticon in ‘Autocracy’ (and dated Deadlock)?”

365 days and 44,8k words later, the deceptirod AU is still going and I still have plans and ideas for it.

It’s been a huge year for me. I learned a lot as a writer. I achieved some things in my professional path. I made friends in the fandom and got some loyal readers.

I wish I’d noticed sooner that the anniversary was coming up, I would have had something written for today. Since that couldn’t be, I want to thank everyone that sent questions for this hastily put together q&a. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into this little universe I’ve been building.

Everything’s under the cut.

As usual, thank you for reading these fics. This series wouldn’t have gone beyond that first oneshot without the interest and support of all of you.

Anon: So it’s implied events pan out the same as they do when Roddy steals the matrix for the Autobots. Have you ever thought about what happens after? Would Deadlock/Drift’s arc have still happened?

Fun fact: I’ve got this whole AU planned up to the point in which “Transformers: Lost Light” ended. Saying more would be a spoiler.

@kyrinthewarrior​: How did you come up with the idea of Thunderbird and Doctor?

Last year I was writing a canon divergent TFP fic (that’s been on hiatus for over a year, I’m so sorry) in which Starscream realized that he’d never, ever win and decided to become neutral. One of the plot points in it was that Starscream accidentally inspired the Vehicons to start a liberation movement, which included taking names and picking the pronouns they felt fit each one best. Doctor is a character from there, but the name’s different in that fic (hasn’t shown up yet in that fic, actually). I didn’t see any reason to invent a new character to be the medic in Pache when I could just grab one that already existed.

Thunderbird was, like every TF OC I make, an accident. I needed a character with information that could interact with Hot Rod and tell him the things he had no way of finding out on his own (the Great Carrot knows I love Rod, but he’s not in charge of anything that would give him access to privileged information). Now, we have plenty of cold and serious calculating characters, so I decided to write someone that would purposefully try to get everyone to think he’s harmless and good. Someone you’d want to be friends with and would never ever suspect of having a mental file in which he keeps every sign of weakness you’ve displayed around them and who would sell you to Satan for a corn chip if they felt the corn chip was more important than you. Then I went to my list of potential OC names, picked the one I liked best, and Thunderbird was born. The heelys, though, are there because I find them funny (this AU, like many things I do, runs on a delicate balance of things that I love to read, things I find fascinating to explore, and things that appeal to my sense of humor).

@marsreds​: Favorite line you've published?

“I’m sorry, but I love you.”

@marsreds​: Favorite line you've written?

Oof, this is hard, but I’m gonna go with, “Because something has to matter. Because something has to be done. Because there’s nothing else I can do.”

Although I’m also terribly fond of Doctor’s lines about why Medicine’s patron is Adaptus, not Primus. I have a whole mental essay about why Primus being Medicine’s patron doesn’t work, and I’m turning it into a fic one day.

@marsreds​: What do you look forward most to writing?

In general, any bit that foreshadows unwritten fics, or any bit that’s a callback to a previus story (especially when it’s a fic I haven posted yet). Basically, bits that should be rewarding to anyone that decides to re-read the series.

@marsreds​: What even set you off to make this au in the first place?

We were on Discord and someone started talking about how easily Hot Rod could have become a Decepticon. We started talking about how some things would have gone differently, but also how we could keep the canon timeline pretty much the same, and it led to “Hot Rod realizes how messed up their faction has become, so he steals the Matrix anyway and gets shot.” That’s when a line started forming in my mind and I had to write it. 90 minutes later, “The cold” had been written, and from there I had to keep playing in the sandbox. There was too much to explore.

@marsreds​: Can you believe that we didn't know each other when you published the first installment of this?

Wait, we didn’t????????? Didn’t you link me to the server where this whole thing started?

Huh. Wow. You’ve been so present throughout all the plotting that I guess I can’t picture this without you at the beginning.

@marsreds​: What's something that surprised you while you were writing it?

How much it grew. Not as a plotline, but as a world. This was supposed to be an exploration of the progressive distortion of the Decepticon ideal disguised as a hotlock slowburn. I’d maybe throw in one or two OCs from “Such a big deal, though” to make the world seem more populated and believable. Then I was writing “Crash and burn” and I realized I couldn’t really talk about the Decepticons without the Decepticons, but I didn’t know enough about canon characters to fill the world with recognizable names, which forced me to create my own characters. They were supposed to be background characters, show up for a couple scenes, fulfill their roles and disappear forever, and instead they had personalities, alt-modes, and whole stories inside my mind that I can only hint at. It went from feeling like my little AU fanfic to my own alternate timeline, like maybe Brainstorm’s briefcase made it exist and it’s as “real” as everything that’s been published and has aired throughout the years.

Connected to that, I’ve also been surprised by the reaction to this bigger world. I’ve seen someone include Doctor and Thunderbird in their own AU. You declared Crystal Wing your favorite and get super protective of him. I’ve been asked what Thunderbird looks like, and everyone seems fascinated by him. It makes it all feel more and more like its own canon timeline that simply hasn’t been recognized by Hasbro, and that makes me happy.

@marsreds​: Something you would've done differently?

Not really? Nothing that can’t be edited, like the writing in “Alive”, or the bits I’ll eventually add to “Crash and burn” and “Nightlight”.

@marsreds​: How do you come up with names for things?

For characters, I mostly use rollercoasters. I went on Wikipedia one day, found a list of rollercoasters, and wrote down all the names that sounded like they could be used for OCs. Some have been given by others and one is a very unsubtle historical reference that made me feel embarrassed by how shameless it was (there’s a while until you see that name, though).

For places, I think of what happens in the fic in which they’re first named. Then I think of something associated to the events, or to the description of the planet, and then I pick a word that alludes to said events/description and which amuses me. Basically, every planet name is a joke/reference/unsubtle-nod-to-the-plot. All of them. Not very funny jokes, sure, but definitely things that made me feel very clever.

@marsreds​: Am i a good editor and do i actually contribute to the process or are you just humoring me?

Mars, if you didn’t contribute to the process I could just ignore you. When I disagree with your suggestions, I tell you so. When your suggestions make me cry inside but I agree they’re good, I follow them. When your suggestions add to the story, I gladly include them. You’re stuck as my editor until you get sick of me.

@marsreds​: Are hotlock gonna be invited to the thunderdice wedding?

Hot Rod and Deadlock won’t be invited to the thunderdice wedding.

But if there was any way for Hot Rod and Deadlock to be invited, they’d be invited by the groom. The bride doesn’t want to see Deadlock ever again.

@marsreds​: If you had to make a thesis statement for this au, what would it be?

Kindness. That might sound odd in what’s mostly been a slow burn set during a war, but kindness is what everything is built on here. Hot Rod cares about people, cares even when it might get him killed, because somebody has to. Back in Nyon, it was him and the other gutter mechs looking after each other. In “Crash and burn”, his kindness is what saved him, the fact that others remembered what he’d done for them. His kindness is what makes him stand out to Deadlock. It’s his kindness that makes him start doubting the cause and eventually steal the Matrix.

But it’s not only him. Deadlock doesn’t know how to be kind, but he can follow Hot Rod’s lead, follow his example until he can perform kindness on his own. Doctor is in Medicine for selfish reasons, but still goes and puts medgrade in Hot Rod’s hands when he looks like shit, and forces Thunderbird to take care of himself despite knowing he’s a bastard. Thunderbird cares only about himself and his best friend, but he doesn’t see any reason to be rude to people that might be dead the next day.

Kindness is not a weakness and there’s no mold for it. Kindness doesn’t mean never fighting, or never doing anything bad. It just means that, if there’s a good thing you can do, a good thing you know you can do, and there’s no reason not to do it, you should do it. It may never be repaid or it might save your life. You put some good in the world because somebody has to do it. And maybe in the real world kindness won’t be rewarded as it should, but this is fiction, and I’m allowed to write a world in which kindness is valued, even during something as terrible as a war, because it’s a promise, it’s hope, it’s something to hold on to and to remind you that things aren’t always bad.

The thesis is: Hot Rod was kind, and that was the right course of action.

@marsreds​: What would be this au's theme song?

Be More Kind - Frank Turner

@marsreds​: What's deadlock's favourite thing about hot rod? and hot rod's about deadlock?

Deadlock likes that Hot Rod lets him bite him.

Just kidding. Can I say kindness again? But yeah. The fact that Hot Rod cares for everyone. Deadlock came from the streets and was used to nobody giving a damn about him. He joined the Decepticons and got used to being valued for being a fighter. Enter Hot Rod, who values everyone no matter their rank, simply because they’re on his faction. The moment Hot Rod knows you’re on his side, you become one of his people. He’ll take care of you. To Deadlock, Hot Rod is a shelter.

As for Hot Rod? He likes how reliable Deadlock is. He likes that Deadlock seems to have clear loyalties and principles and he sticks to them. If Deadlock says he’s going to follow you until the end of the universe, you can be sure he will. If Deadlock decides to help you, he’ll be there no matter what. If Deadlock has decided that something is wrong, then you can be sure he won’t be looking for loopholes that allow him to do it anyway. He likes that Deadlock is there for him and will always be there for him as long as he deserves it. To Hot Rod, Deadlock is a pillar.

@marsreds​: Objectively, is deadlock considered hot in this universe? (i know hot rod's considered attractive but that's just his personality)

This one technically goes against my “How do I interact with my fiction” rules, because it refers to a detail I’m probably never showing/implying in the text.

What I’m saying is: you are free to ignore this answer if you don’t like it.

It amuses me to think Deadlock is average, physically speaking. People like his face when he’s not doing the murdercat expression, but he’s almost always doing the murdercat expression and has the social skills of a toothpick.

It also amuses me to think that the Autobots think he looks edgy. It’s the bad boy appeal. Hot Rod would find that hilarious.

@marsreds​: What do you like the most about their relationship that is present in this au but not in canon(ish) iterations of these characters?

I wrote three very salty paragraphs in reply to this and proceeded to delete them. Nobody needs that. To be brief, what I like about their relationship here is that their friendship means something to them. Even if this series ended with Hot Rod marrying Thunderbird and Deadlock marrying Doctor, you’d know for sure that there’s so much trust, companionship and love (and I don’t mean romantic love) between them that they’d be in each other’s lives as best friends until one of them died.

@squireofgeekdom: Any songs you associate with any of your OCs?

None yet, surprisingly?

Anon: What sort of key points do you keep in mind to keep track of where characters should be emotionally/in their arc when you're writing stories set at very different points in time, and not necessarily writing them in linear order? It's all very much coherent character/relationship arcs and I'm just very impressed - and the cohesiveness overall. Are there themes that you try to keep consistent across stories to build that?

Pre-Matrix stealing I have a clear idea of how things progress relating to key events, because it’s all very linear. The first relevant change in the relationship happens in “Triage” (still unwritten, sorry), so I know that any ideas for fics that happen before that will have to fit a certain pattern. The next big change is “Nightlight”, because it’s when the mutual pining starts. Before that, it’s only Hot Rod being invested in their friendship. Then it’s only mutual pining until “Declaration...”, and from then on things are mostly stable until “Home” (also unwritten, sorry again).

The hotlock dynamic progresses with their feelings. The only important thing I have to keep in mind is that they must be friends first and love interests second. If I can’t believe that these two genuinely like each other, then it’s time for a re-write. Cybertronians have long lives, which means their friendship must deepen as time passes, and so I can have them noticing or knowing more about each other the later in the timeline a fic is set.

Relating to OCs, there are key elements that will never ever change and which form the base of the interactions. For example, Doctor’s only goal in life is to survive; related to that, Doctor is unimpressed by, but extremely wary of, Thunderbird, despises Deadlock (I’m not talking funny rivalry, I’m talking a feeling that borders on disgust, of finding a person that so absolutely opposes the core of your being that you daydream of beating their face to a pulp and leaving them out for the wolves), and is fond of Hot Rod despite being certain he’ll get himself killed one day. Thunderbird likes to know things for the sake of knowing things and thinks life is one big cosmic joke and that taking it seriously is a mistake; because of that, he’s curious about Hot Rod and really wants to know what will become of him, is reluctanctly fascinated by Doctor, and the only person he loves besides himself is Crystal Wing. Crystal Wing is so slow that he knows he has to use his time wisely, so he’s always in a good mood (it takes too long to overcome a negative emotion), likes everyone immediately (it’s faster to dislike someone than learn to like them), and always says exactly what he means without adornments or metaphors.

As for plotting, I keep notes of key events and the rest is fluid. I know what’s going to happen in “Home”, so I’m free to foreshadow it when I get the chance. I know what happened in “Triage”, so I can write callbacks if I feel they fit the story.

About themes... There are a lot of things this AU is about, but off the top of my head I can mention:

Kindness

Making one (1) person the key to your emotional development is fucked up

Who we are and who we become can’t be traced back to one moment. We’re all the result of thousands of interactions and events that pile up and which we choose to see in a certain way to justify the person we are or want to be

Friendship!

Everything I write must be in accordance to these ideas. Themes and cohesiveness go before everything else, even my own ego and need for approval. Surprising my audience is not as important as feeling I respected the characters and the story.

@choomchoom: Is Hot Rod’s history as an insurgency leader in Nyon commonly known amongst the Decepticons? If not, how did Deadlock find out?

Yes and no. This might count as a spoiler? Stop reading here if you don’t want to know absolutely anything about fics that I’ll write someday.

When Hot Rod arrived, his past was used as propaganda. “Look at the mech we brought in. Someone willing to do whatever it takes in the fight against the Autobots.” Anyone who was around high command or near the area when Hot Rod joined the Decepticons knows his past. After that, it was part of the information in the starter pack. After a while, it wasn’t relevant anymore, and so newer recruits don’t know about his past and might have only heard about this crazy mech that drags injured soldiers out of the battlefield.

@choomchoom: Also if no one has asked about music yet I would love some song recs to cry and swoon to the next time you post an update.

I have a playlist that’s 95% somewhat serious and/or shippy songs (the remaining 5% is “Despacito” and I have no regrets).

Highlights from it include:

The already linked “Be More Kind”, which is this AU’s thesis

The hotlock theme is Los Tres’ “Amor Violento” (loose translation of relevant lyrics: “I’ll spend my whole life in buying yours [...] Love will have to wait for a good while to rest from you and I [...] Because a violent love blinded us / A violent love fulminated us”)

For the post-Matrix stealing to the point at which the war ends, the song is Silversun Pickups’ “Growing Old Is Getting Old”. It also fits for that point at which you realize that your faction has strayed from its original vision

For the Decepticons in the beginning, Los Prisioneros’ “El Baile De Los Que Sobran” (”Join the dance of the left overs / Nobody’s going to miss us / Nobody truly wanted to help us / When we were small we were told / ‘Make studying your game’ / Men are brothers and must work together [...] And it wasn’t so true / Because in the end those games were for others / That ended up with laurels and a future / And left my friends kicking rocks”)

A bit of a post-Nyon mood: Coldplay’s “42″

[fuckedurbias]

ghostin’ - bang chan

requested? no

genre: angst (if u can even call it that), short scenario/drabble

warnings: JUST RLLY FUCKIN SA D 

A/N: this drabble?? scenario?? i’m not sure what it is, but it is inspired by the song ghostin’ by ariana grande. it rlly gets me in my feels which i very VERY clearly was when writing this. i was going tf thru it. i was gonna make this not w any specific idol but idk when i was in the process Chris just came into it as I see him in this, not sure why but it made me even more sad :(

i also suggest listening to the song it’s inspired by whilst reading, since the italics sentences are lyrics from the song;; ♡

(or not, if you don’t want to cry) 

I know you hear me when I cry, I try to hold it in the night

He had fallen asleep hours ago, or so you thought. Quietly crying to yourself, managing to choke back your sobs to just quiet breaths as tears streamed down your face. You had managed to go a few nights now without crying yourself to sleep which was a record for you. You felt so bad for breaking it but the more you held it in, the harder it got to deal with.

You felt him turn over next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. That’s when you finally let a sob free from your throat, hating the pain and tension choking them back caused.

“It’s okay” He whispers, rubbing his thumbs on your sides.

If you were anybody else, probably wouldn’t last a day

“It’s okay” He whispers, rubbing his thumbs on your sides.

Even though this happened almost every night, he never got tired of comforting you; and that made you hurt more. Nobody else in your life is being as understanding as he is right now. How he had not managed to get sick of this yet, not get entirely emotionally drained from it yet, you have no idea. All of your other friends would listen to you but, it was never genuine and always the same thing; same meaningless over and over.

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again, over him

You felt so bad putting him through this, you know how he feels and yet he was so okay with being here for you. It was so unfair, but no matter how much you tried to push him away so he wouldn’t be hurt he was not budging. Part of the reason you felt so bad was because you were just in his situation, hurt by someone you cared about so deeply and you knew him seeing you be so devastated and heartbroken by this person was causing him just as much pain.

You’ve been so understanding you’ve been so good

He has never judged you for being so hurt over something that some people may think is so pointless and that you’re just being dramatic, but not Chan, no. He is so understanding and understands how much this person meant to you and the way they hurt you and just left you so suddenly and harshly killed you inside; and still is.

I’m putting you through more than one ever should

You don’t know how much longer this will last, how much longer you can last going through this same thing every night, when it will end. You do know however, that as long as you have him; Chan, by your side that maybe you will be okay. He doesn’t even need to do much to help you feel less alone and to help you actually get some sleep. You know you are causing him pain and hell you’re even making him lose sleep but never one has he complained.

I’m hating myself ‘cause you don’t want to admit that it hurts you

He never complains even though it does hurt, it hurts so fucking bad. He wishes so bad he could just take away your pain, he’d take it away from you and deal with it himself if it meant you could finally feel okay. If it meant you could be happy. He wishes so bad that he could knock some fucking sense into the person who did this to you, because he would give anything for you to look at him the same way you looked at them, to feel so deeply for him the same way you still feel for this person. And you know this. And that’s why whenever he wraps his arms around you and comforts you during the night that you cry even harder because you know it’s unfair, that you don’t deserve him yet no matter what you do he stays.

And after all that we’ve been through, there’s so much to look forward to

Maybe when you do get through this, you will both be okay and there is a future for both of you together. Chan was there before you even met this person and he’s always been your closest friend, he’s seen you go through everything. He saw you fall so deeply for this person and he knew that they were wrong for you, he did warn you in a sugar-coated way but you didn’t listen. Seeing how happy you were broke him but he didn’t show it. Seeing how broke you are now shatters him into pieces, and he’s still not showing it.

What was done and what was said leave it all here in this bed with you

Whenever this happens, you never talk about it in the morning. At first you would but, after the next few times it just stopped. You pretend to be okay, he pretends to be okay. You two have talked about why you cry before but, the conversations quickly died out. He doesn’t even say much when you cry anymore either, but you like it that way. You don’t want fake sympathy and meaningless words. His actions and words that may seem minimal, barely even there to others, mean the world to you and feel so big, so comforting.

Even though this road seems endless, with Chan by your side you’re sure it will end soon.

Baby you do it so well

He does. He really does.

[universal-kitty]

.: NatsuShio: The OC/Canon Ship That Ruined My Life :.

(In the Best Way)

@supernatural-cat98, get buckled in.

   Let’s start with how I started. An Okami OC.

   Her name is Shiori, but her full name is Shiorigami, a brush kami OC for the game Okami. Once an adoptable from DeviantArt, I made her into a fully-fleshed out character fit for the game. Sure, she’s an usual hybrid (nekotori; cat body, but with tail feathers like a small peacock), but she’s the kami of Poems and Literature. She’s got social anxiety and a thinly veiled reference to autism, as she is stunted to everyone, including her extensive family...but writing is where she blooms.

   Fiction, biographies, history, poems of all kinds... If it’s writing, she’s happy. It protects her and makes her happy, even when she fears she isn’t a good enough brush kami. Even if her powers are an inky echo of her mother’s.

   She once had short hair. She once loved a Lunarian named Kazuki... A scholar of the Moon Tribe, during a period of tension and war between his people and the Celestials... Shiori’s people. Despite it all, they truly did love each other, despite never admitting it out loud. He was gifted a scroll of poems he inspired her to write. He gave her a golden necklace- almost collar-like- with the symbol of the Moon Tribe engraved on the back.

   ...He would end up dying in a slaughter done by the evil the Moon Tribe had summoned. Those who fled to the mortal world to escape the war becoming the only survivors. Kazuki was gone...and left Shiori not only with a deep depression, but also with a fear to care for anyone who was mortal.

   Who could die and be ripped from her grasp, just like Kazuki had.

   Her hair grew out over the years (faceclaim: Suiren Shibazeki from Hibi Chouchou), protected by her mother to ease her pain of the death of the one she loved most...and in the years after the events of Okami, would stay either in her room on the Celestial Plain or occasionally live on the mortal world, in a small house to herself among a forest not too far from Ryoshima Coast.

   And so. It would be this starting point for a fateful meeting...

   Natsu Dragneel. Specifically, burningheartdragneel, my roleplay partner. (To my Shio, @goddessof-poems.) He met Amaterasu first, having somehow...gotten himself a little universe-lost. Befriending her was easy; both liking to fight, both loving to eat... It was easy for them.

   Yet he poses an interesting challenge for sweet, quiet Shiori. Little bookworm, easily forgets to eat at all, and isn’t much one for the adventuring scene, like her mother or Natsu.

   ...However, it’s because of her Natsu learns the joys of reading; specifically, an adventurous story of fiction Shiori had written some time before. He makes a small, but decent meal for the forgetful Shiori, ensuring she eats...and even motivates her to get out of her home, taking him to show off Ryoshima Coast and her own Water Tablet that Amaterasu gifted her.

   It’s our current roleplay and a still on-going one, but we came up with so much more as we talked over Discord. They will slow burn their way, but us? We know how the path goes....and we ended up falling in love with a pairing of our own creation.

ExoticGeneral: Ah gods I love this! Especially since Shiori isn't the kind to stop her work to eat or anything Natsu would at some point bring snacks with him and probably feed her (and he hardly likes sharing either) because somebodies is gonna have to be watching over her. But if he woke up with her all beside him, he'd be pretty flustered about it. Plus as an added bonus he always oddly warm, which makes for good cuddling in the winter/chilly days. :3c Yeah, he'd probably be more careful with her because even if she is a brush good she's just so fragile. He'd probably bond with her relatively easy though since he's always been a cat kinda guy? But yeah, demon hunting would be a big no-no while she was around. No need to try and scare her away. But I thought about that heat headcanon thing would be funny cause I can't see either making the first move ever! xD

Aki: Oh gosh, yeah. Shiori's the type for "skinny love" situations, where it's almost painfully obvious she loves the person, but if nobody acts on it, then it's this firm stalemate. Tbh, she'd likely only "confess" if he got really hurt and she was scared for him....but even then, it's confusing for the oblivious bc-?? Was that a confession? What if it wasn't????

ExoticGeneral: But god a confession like that would be hilarious cause it might just go over his head! He'd probably just grin like an idiot, being all like 'Thanks that means a lot' and playing it off as completely platonic possibly. He may be bold in everything else, but love is something he's actually insecure about considering his first girlfriend died, his mom, like three of his dads and his brother wants to murder him.

Aki: Ommmmggggg. She'd probably laugh a little and keep trying to tell herself it's better this way, bc like...... (And this is what kills me) She'd rather have a friend in him than nothing at all bc of rejection so she'd start spiraling down and try to keep upbeat even though she keeps thinking about it and getting guilty bc what if he only wants them to be friends???? What if he didn't like romance at all?? She doesn't want to push him away from her..... She'd rather suffer years of not having him love her back then lose him. (And re-reading this..... Ouch on the death of the first girlfriend. Shiori knows that pain.... Except slightly more painful that she also never confessed to the guy and lost him to the slaughter of the Moon Tribe.)

ExoticGeneral: AKI DONT They'd both end up suffering because they're shy potatoes who can't convey their feelings properly for the life of them! It wouldn't even get better cause she'd only start going down hill after a while and he'd more than likely notice but not realize he's the problem in a way and FUUUUUUCCCKKKK

Aki: HAHAHAHAHAA, YOU'RE TOO LATE; MY POWERS HAVE BEEN REALIZED She'd actually manage pretty well for awhile, being oblivious, but then the feelings would start and that very emotion would be her downfall. Because then what are you supposed to do when you want to hug your "friend" for no apparent reason and just...stay there? That you wouldn't mind if he stayed over all the time and got to sleep with him, because that's when the nightmares kept away from her? (And even if they did show up, he was there to comfort her...) She's an absolutely wreck after awhile and keeps spacing out and begins to screw up and she's like a black hole collapsing in on itself and it hurts so bad to watch

ExoticGeneral: STAHP YOURE HURTING MY SHIPPER HEART BEFORE THE SHIP ACTUALLY EXISTS That blackhole though, like how do you even fix that??? Because the closer you get to her the more it's probably hurting her and you could confess but getting closer is what caused it to progress. HOW DO YOU PROTECT YOUR SHIT WHEN YOU'RE THE PROBLEM!?!? Your making me emotional and it's only like 8 in the morning, I don't want to start my day sad already!

Aki: Shiori finally breaking down in front of Natsu though. Like, it was a little trip over a tree root or something and she says, "O-oh, n-no, I'm fine...." But Natsu's just-??? No you're not, you're crying. Why are you crying? What hurts?? And from there she starts bawling and Natsu is awkward but tries his best. He also has little to no idea what she's saying pass those sobs of hers, but oUCH PAIN EVERYWHERE. Then- awhoop- right out of that sobbing mess comes a pretty clear confession, whoo boy--

ExoticGeneral: But HOLY SHIT when a confession happens he'd get flustered. To the point of constant figgeting and just a permanent blush would cover his face. He'd probably end up staying silent, then just start crying and fuck me up. The first confession of his life??? hE WAS NOT READY FOR THIS BUT IS TOTALLY ACCEPTING OF THIS! She'd get to see an entirely new spectrum of him though when he gets all soft-hearted and actually reveals his romantic side???

Aki: Shiori's equally as flustered and waiting to please just collapse in on herself and cease existance....and then once she realized she didn't fuck things up, she's crying with him and so much affection????? Oh no, the cutes. Cutes everywhere. Also Shiori is a huge sap and she's going to love that. But now he has to deal with his cute new goddess gf blushing whenever he smooches even just her cheek. Or holds her hand. Or snuggles up to her..... When he breathes LMAO, Jk...~

ExoticGeneral: THem crying together. THat thought just gives me life cause they're just two mushy emotional destroyed people atm. Just I don't even know who would actually recover first at that point, maybe Natsu, and just give her the longest most affectionate hug he's got in him. This relationship ain't gonna last long, give it like a week and he'll probably die from a cute overload. He'd try to pamper her a bit (though he wouldn't know how really) and just take her out to star gaze and do some silly things. But holding hands??? Like that's really lewd ya know.

Aki: Yeeeaaaahhh, he probably would. Shiori's trying to calm down, but those silly tears won't stop~ But she'll still snuggle close when he hugs her and hug him back. AH. AAAAAAHHHHHH. Natsu coming back to her place after that little event and suddenly, her new greeting is, "Welcome home," with a bright smile. Natsu kneels tf over bc cHRIST DID HE JUST HAVE A HEARTATTACK?!?!?!??

   Oh yes. We had a LENGTHY talk about their confession... But is that all? Of course not!! We’ve also had conversations about...

   Sleeping habits:

Aki: Oh man, and if she woke up to that racing heart of his.... All sleepy and concerned and it's right out of a romance novel and someone help Natsu bc death is rapidly approaching

ExoticGeneral: And the thing is that's one of his quirks. Like his way of saying 'I think I like you' IS sleeping at there house a lot more often. TO the point where it's just an everyday exerpeince and it's only weird if he DOESN'T show up one night.

Aki: !!!! Natsu being late one night and he's surprised bc it's late as fuck but there's Shiori, obviously tired and ready for bed, but unable to sleep because she'd gotten used to sleeping with Natsu and his warmth. (He has to pull confidence and fake cheer before he's allowed to start dying in the darkness of her room; that was so fuckin' cute and she was holding onto that little cat plush and she looked so lonely jfc whAT THE FUCK that level of cute is illegal in all the states and all of the worlds and timelines, bYE)

ExoticGeneral: But I can totally see that! He just kinda pushes open her door and it's like 2 in the fucking morning. The conflicted feelings he must have though knowing that when he walks in there he's gonna suffer for a few hours or more but is like 'fuck ing worth it.'  (She needs to tone it down because if the guy who lives to fight wants to SNUGGLE then there's a problem. No one man, goddess or not, should be allowed to have so much power!)

Aki: She's just more than happy to see him bc dang it, she couldn't sleep without him...and the second she's comfy and curled up against him? Boop. Out like a light. (Plot twist: her real power is being cute as hell. Her cuteness so strong, who needs weaponry?? Flutter those lashes, tilt her head... If she has the ears and feather tails out? B y e. You're dead now. Sorry, don't make the rules.)

ExoticGeneral: JEEz THOUGH! Not being able to sleep without him! Now all of a sudden he becomes like a necessity for a proper nights sleep, or any at all really. (But that's one way to competely get to him. Sexy? Pfffft, he can ignore that most of the time. Cute, fucking slay him okay? Just 'Here lies Natsu, rest in pieces' and fuck she's a cutie!)

Aki: I mean.... He could be a mean little one and let her pass out once it becomes too much, but there's also the huge implication that Natsu actually sorta gets her on a sleep schedule?? Something she usually doesn't have at all???? When Natsu's getting snuggled up in the futon, it basically becomes a sign of, "Oh, time to stop for today and sleep." Reverse alarm clock, Natsu is. Getting a certain poetry goddess to bed rather than waking her up (or keeping her up, as is). (Shiori perfected the cute ability. Cute traits that'd be passed down for generations. Flirting-but-not-flirting, the ultimate technique. How will poor Natsu ever survive?!?)

   Dinners with Mom Amaterasu:

Aki: Meet the parents? More like, "Forget that formal stuff! Let's go out and eat dessert before dinner!!!!" Because Ammy doesn't really do formal anymore and why not just....use the time for the better?? Like eating???? Not to mention, then she can embarrass the two like, "Now you gotta feed each other. Do it, do it, do it~!!" Ammy is a gr8 mom, as you can tell

ExoticGeneral: Well I don't think it could happen. I think Ammy and natsu met because he tried pelting her with water ballons. There is no need to be formal after that! But I can see Ammy rigging everything somehow. Just like ordering milkshakes for all three but 'accidentally' forgets one so she gets a whole one while Natsu and shiori share. with coincidentally two staws.

Aki: "Hmmmm, would you look at that.... Strange." Casually drinks at her own like NBD--  And that's true!!! No formality exists here; there's only the two dorks and the shy poet, who's more than happy to be the little side-line cheerleader for their antics. (Unless they're questionable. Then she's worried and trying to get them off of the idea. Probably crit. hits Natsu by being cute.)

  The time I almost wrote in our RP that Shiori was gonna kiss his cheek....and they’re not even CLOSE to dating, oh boy:

Aki: .....It suddenly occurs to me that I want an aesthetic made of NatsuShio.............

ExoticGeneral: I'm laughing. This isn't a pairing (Yet) and you're like grabby hands

Aki: Hey. Hey. Compare this to the time I almost wrote in Shio kissing Natsu's cheek waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too early, and a little aesthetic ain't that bad~

ExoticGeneral: You know if you had wrote that slip up I would have went along with it too. It would have been a hilarious mess.

Aki: LMAO. Even Shiori would be confused like, "......I have never before in my LIFE ever done that.... Why did I do that now?!?" This is the Sims and I am the tru god and their lives are my pLAYTHINGS

ExoticGeneral: He would have stopped everything for a solid 5 minutes then continue like it didn't happen. If you don't react it's like it never happened, right? I mean that's how we do it anyways. We make them suffer cause it's fun

Aki: Plot twist, though...... Isn't even freezing considered a reaction?! So by freezing he thinks he didn't react, but the act of freezing up is a reaction in itself......!! YOU'VE BEEN PLAYED, NATSU!!! They aren't suffering yet, buuuuut..... All in due time

   Memes, of course:

ExoticGeneral: Ammy: So do you and Shio call each other pet names? Natsu: Pfffft! No! Of course not! Ammy: What do bees make then? Natsu:....Honey? Shio, from the other room: Yeah, sweetie? Ammy: Don't you ever lie to my face again.

Aki: tHIS WOULD HAPPEN, F U CK-- I AM LOSING IT

   And the moment we acknowledged how we know this ship was The One; our OTP forever and always: (featuring the best rant I’ve ever written for this ship)

ExoticGeneral: It's literally freaking insane how you just start having ten billions of ideas running through you're head! Like okay time to put then through some angst hell, then recovery fluff, little slice of life, smooches and some bonding/ development??? Like Im getting way too far ahead of myself here??? But the ideas/drabbles keep on rolling anyway. This is how you know this is the one.

Aki: Yes!!! And like.... Honestly, I pride myself on doing "realistic" stuff? Having my characters contradict themselves sometimes, do something that would hurt....cause humans are like that. Hell, it's why I also brazenly went for Shiori's emotional breakdown when she heard the news that all Lunarians had died..... Including her dear Kazuki.  Being able to imagine and know how that breakdown went in my head, where nothing she tried worked, until she went crawling back to her mother to grant her wish to not exist...take the pain away......  Boi. B o i. When it comes to big time storywriting, I get hELLA AMPED. I'm ready to show them every corner of the world, good or bad. Perfection or deep flaws. Give me that angst where they will realize that it hurts, but having someone to hurt with makes the pain ease a little. It doesn't fix everything, but having those assuring words and someone who cares deeply makes it harder to be upset. Let them have those slice of life days where Shiori wakes up in bed for once, stomach not aching or feeling like a void, and ready to start a new day. Have him drag her out to explore and shake up her old, rigid life. Let them, in the future, kiss and hug and wonder why....but know that if waiting so long meant finding love and getting it this right, then it was worth the wait. Let them develop so much, that we look back to where we started and cackle with joy, cause they friggen made it. Wow, a sappy rant from me, yEEHAW

ExoticGeneral: Damn right sister! Preach it! Like sometimes I just sit there with some bsckground music on and its so fitting that you just throw out 20 paragraphs like no problem. I just need those days with them where they argue over something little and it gets so blown out of proprtion and convoluted that they just forget what is was about? Just random nights of stargazing then falling asleep? Or literally doing nothing and either of them thinks of their s/o and gets super flustered for no reason? The day they actually become a couple but still trains his tush off and shio doesnt ask how he got strong, but why he did cause heckie is that gonna be one wild ride of a story. But the simple, final answer is to  protect her. Not because she's the daughter of Ammy, but because he failed to do so with his dad and elder brother and doesn't want to lose her too. Like I want weakness that comes with trust? Fear that comes with love? But also the fulfilling satisfaction of contentness. That you wouldn't trade this for anything else, its a unique feeling that only they can deliver. Ya feel?

Aki: Right??? Good heavens, mention music and now I need to go look up Shio's number one mood music........ Can't think Shio romance (especially where it's "skinny love") without remembering the song, sO-- Right?? Well, more likely her trying to fight back but she angry cries and just gets frustrated and shuts down. Won't talk. Won't feed the flames anymore with replies, but doesn't seek peace, either. It's a night where it alternates between dead silence in the home once more or quiet, strained sobs of someone who's already used to being hurt; she's just finding it harder to keep that pain quiet.    But it's..... It's home. More than it's ever been. From a family she couldn't quite connect with some days, to her own home all to herself... A place her own and where her life fit.    Last thing she would've ever expected is to find- in many ways- her opposite....and yet someone she'd find herself falling for all the same. Where it's funny to imagine her home used to be quiet and peaceful. Now there's some training dummies outside and even if he strays from home, she can hear him making noises out not too far away. There's footsteps of another person in her home now. This home....it's his home, too.    Something they're both happy to have. Company, understanding, and just.... An imbalance that makes it a balance by not being perfect.    She slows him down. He speeds her up.    They learn something from each other.    It hurts sometimes. His life will likely be long....but to what length? Will it end? Does she want to know? Should she ask?    And understanding what her mother saw in mortals from that.... Just because they cannot match in eternal age, doesn't make it all any less. The memories shared? Still memories made. Love was still had and wasn't it sweet? To love someone so completely, to have fought and made up, loved and lost...    It's scarier when it's you who can be hurt; this isn't watching someone's life play out like a movie. This is her life now and his and theirs together and it breaks her heart to know she could potentially lose him, but..... He's going to teach her so much. And she would understand what her mother does.    He'll be loved all the more for it.

ExoticGeneral: I literally have absolutely no words for this. I cant believe you would make me cry like this at midnight. This was the most hurtful, true, heartfelt yet heartbreaking thing I've read. I freaking forgot you did poetry is you spare time like holy.

   ...They just. Work together. It’s the perfect “opposites attract” relationship while still maintaining a balance between who they are alone and what their relationship is. The bolster of inspiration and motivation that they get from each other... He motivates her to leave the house more (often with him on a little adventure) and gives her that experience. As said, she slows him down and gets him to read more. Even try writing for himself, writing Shiori a small poem that he [slams down onto her desk and runs off in a hurry] gives her.

   Broadening their horizons with each other. The support and pure affection and how they do their best in their own ways to support each other... It’s perfect. Made a home in our hearts. And we sure wouldn’t want it any other way.

   As a final note... Have one more silly little meme we came up with:

Aki: So I'm re-reading our chat [again] and I just thought of this...... Natsu: I live to fight, so Imma take you down!!! Shiori, in her sleepy-whiny voice: Natsuuuu...... I wanna cuddle.... Natsu, already leaving: .......Someone else lives to fight and will take you down!!!

ExoticGeneral: You know that old saying goes, he who runs away lives to fight another day I'm glad I'm the only who just goes back and re-reads this entire message board of gross romance and heartbreak

   So yes, ship NatsuShio. Your heart will thank you...after it dies for 2 hours because of the angst that tails this ship in bittersweet flavors.

[intothespideyverses]

a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)

in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]: 

so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah. 

so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.

anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.

buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.

but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis! 

so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it. 

“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”

“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”

“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”

buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...

anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??

“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie. 

the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window. 

“that’s it!” 

jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"

they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”

jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...

“trap...trap bowie bowie”

bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”

“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”

the entire audience has a collective heart attack. 

“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”

buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi. “the song’s about YOU bitch!”

andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”

cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”

andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on. 

“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”

“art 101 cause u just like zoey”

“fuck he is singing about me...”

“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals. 

“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis. 

everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that. 

bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot. 

andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does. 

when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”

THE END. 

will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!

[weapon13whitefang]

in the talking dead for the quiz they say that the box Michonne had, the things inside was inspired by To Kill a Mockingbird.If you've read the book the the Mockingbird represents someone innocent that has been injured or destroyed by evil(in the book Boo Radley,Tom Robinson,etc.) ( in the show I guess Rick can be a representation but mostly Beth in my eyes) considering the comparison of beth and birds lately, I would love to hear your opinion

Sorry it’s taken me awhile to answer you! I wasn’t ignoring you, I just had to find a way to really think about what you were asking and about the source material.

First off, I don’t watch Talking Dead anymore. I don’t have much like for Chris Hardwick after all the stuff I’ve learned about him and all the stuff that’s been proven… Yeah I just can not watch Talking Dead without wanting to throw something at Hardwick… You know I don’t much trust ya when I won’t even watch for my favorite actors on the show… I don’t know, maybe he really didn’t do the crap that was said but… I’m not seeing any evidence against it… So I don’t watch Talking Dead.

That said, I have gotten a break down of stuff that was talked about. And I gritted through a few scenes of it to listen to my favorite actors talk… And let me just say that, yes. I know the book To Kill A Mockingbird. I don’t know if it’s just a Midwestern school thing, but for most Missouri kids I know, To Kill A Mockingbird was one of those books you read every year until senior year. The first time I read the book was in fifth grade, over fifteen years ago… I can still recall how I felt after reading it to… It’s just one of those books that sticks with you like Lord of the Flies or Romeo and Juliet or The Great Gatsby – those books teachers shove down your throat because they have such important life topics.

You mentioned how the Mockingbird represents “someone innocent that has been injured or destroyed by evil (in the book Boo Radley, Tom Robinson, etc.)”. And you’re right in that, this is the main theme of the book that most people will point out… Interesting to note, though, that Harper Lee was never forthcoming with the symbolism and themes. But she was famous for saying that the story spells out the meaning of a code of honor and the conduct in the heritage of the Southerners. Which makes sense if you look at in a simplistic term, sure. Honor is the high respect you have for someone or something. Conduct is the manner in which a person behaves, especially on a particular occasion or in a particular context.

An example of this is basically the whole thing with Tom and Boo. Bob Ewell is the town drunk and known to be one mean and cruel man. But because Bob is white, because Mayella is white, and because poor Tom is a man of color, the view of what they know is right vs what they see as right is truly shown. It’s very very obvious in the book that Tom Robinson is innocent and that the stuff he’s being accused of, are things he couldn’t and wouldn’t do. People of the town know what kind of man Bob Ewell is… But because Bob and Mayella are white that’s enough for people to turn a blind eye to it and sentence poor Tom to be hanged. It doesn’t matter all the proof that Atticus had. It didn’t matter if Bob Ewell had been caught red handed, even. Because Tom was a black man, he was doomed. Ignorance, racism, and hatred play a big role in the undertone of the book and it is those key elements that lead to an innocent being killed. It’s what leads to people like Boo and Tom being hurt. Bob Ewell was a symbol of evil in that he was a cruel, racists,and unbearable man. But because he was white, Tom – a black man that was the symbol of innocence with Boo – was screwed.

There’s so much you can talk about when it comes to this book. There’s themes and undertones that you can pick at and everyone would have a different opinion. For me, this is a book of studying the moral nature of a person; are people good or evil? It’s highly noted that a single person can be good or evil, while people as a whole can be evil or do good. As individuals, the jury would probably have agreed with Atticus and Tom would’ve lived. But as a whole – to uphold an image of “pureness” – they made an evil choice because of an evil man… Yet it’s more than that. Scout and Jem in the beginning of the book believe that all people are good and innocent because the two have never been exposed to evil and they believe people have never been around evil so that makes them good and innocent. By the end of the book, they both have experienced what evil is and have to come to understanding with it and their view of the world. It’s through Atticus – who is an example of being able to see evil but not letting it change him to evil but instead also see the good and learn to see people as a whole in that they have good and bad in them,that nobody is truly evil to the core, but that things in life lead them down these paths that aren’t always just good and evil. That the world isn’t black and white, heroes and villains. It’s gray. That’s how I always saw the book,anyway.

So taking into account that this book has many themes, how do they apply to the show? First off, letting me know that was kind of interesting for me. Thanks for sharing that because it got me thinking a lot… In the box, Michonne specifically pulls out three things. A preserved four-leaf clover, what appears to be baseball cards, and the little sheriff figure with the gun. Lets focus on these things fora bit before I get to the mockingbird (And I will, just hold on for a second!)

Coming from an Irish and German background, I always loved trying to find four-leaf clovers at my grandma’s house. First off, the four-leaf clover is a very rare plant to find because they just generally do not grow with four leaves. They’re kind of a mutation of sort, basically…Anyway, each leaf on the four-leaf clover has a meaning according to my grandma. Faith, Hope, Love, and Luck. The regular three leaf I learned in bible school that it represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit and if you found a four-leaf, the fourth leaf was God’s Grace. So, finding a four-leaf clover was basically really good fortune for you, as in the holy trinity is watching over you and giving you grace.

There’s a lot of symbolism around the four-leaf clover really. After doing some digging, I learned that apparently in some biblical background stories about the Garden of Eden, Eve took a four-leaf clover with her to remember the place she and Adam were cast from (that’s kinda depressing but I get it). I also learned that apparently Druid priest used the four-leaf clover to ward off evil spirits in worship rituals. Also, in some cases,children and adults would hang a four-leaf clover over their doors to ward off bad omens, witchcraft, and evil spirits. In the Middle ages, they believed that those that carried a four leaf clover could see the fae folk. It was also believed to help ward off and give protection from The Evil Eye – which is basically a legend about a malevolent spirit of evil casting misfortune to someone; cause them to harm themselves by casting eyes on them. So the clover was like a “shield” against this gaze.

If there’s one thing that has happened to TF, it’s the cast of the evil eye upon them. Rick is “dead” (so they think) and their world has been cast astray of what they all know – which is following Rick’s leadership. Even with Michonne taking over (she doesn’t let them call her the leader but she basically is) everything is still not together – they’re all scattered away from one another and all lost with Rick gone, even after all this time. Finding a four-leaf clover – one basically buried away in a tomb van – shows a prospering future for Michonne and TF. Something they could all use… The clover is linked to the box, which means it’s basically a box of memories for someone…Just as the clover was a memory for Eve, that clover was for someone else…

I find it fascinating the Morgan and Michonne both found“lucky” items in abandoned vehicles.

Next up is the baseball cards – or at least that’s what they look like – and I’m wondering if that’s supposed to represent Negan. Finding the clover then the baseball cards in order… I’m thinking Negan is going to have a big hand in the future. Now obviously I could be wrong and maybe they’re just school photos or something like that and maybe they have nothing to do with good for Negan. But you say baseball and I automatically think of baseball bat and then I think of Negan. Plus the cards were wrapped up – imprisonment symbolism? Michonne would be the only one who could truly let Negan free… I’m not to sure about these cards but I do feel Negan with them.

Finally the little sheriff figure. Obviously, it’s for Rick. But what does a Sheriff represent in general? Well first off the Sheriff is supposed to represent keeping the peace. A sheriff protects the peace, enforces law, provides traffic control, investigates accidents, transports prisoners,and leads a community. I work for a Sheriff department, as luck would have it(for me, anyway) and I can tell you something neat. The badge we all know – the star badge – was taken because it was cheaper and easier to make than the original badge – which was an eagle shaped/themed badge. Plus the star is a symbol of all fifty states and the Sheriff wears the star with his state and his county name printed on it. So it’s his American shield/symbol of bringing peace.

Rick being a Sheriff is really interesting for me since I started working with the Sheriff of my county. Throughout the last eight years of TWD, I have seen Rick do basically everything I just described above… But he’s also been very much the complete opposite of what a Sheriff is supposed to stand for. I mean Rick has murdered before. He stabs Shane after luring him into a false sense of peace, straight up put a machete through Thomas’s head at the prison, strangles a Claimer to death and rips the throat of another open…Like Rick has done a lot of shit a Sheriff shouldn’t do… But he is still a symbol of peace and future, which is what a Sheriff is.

So with those items aside, lets talk about a Mockingbird. In the book, there’s a quote about the Mockingbird, which is supposed to be part of the symbolism we talked about above. The line is said by Atticus and later affirmed by Miss Maudie, I believe. It goes as followed:

“Rememberit’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it.

“Your father’s right,” she said. “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy . They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corn cribs,they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”

This line is the main line for the title of the book and is basically the key metaphor explored by people. It’s true that Boo and Tom are indeed part of this symbolism. The mockingbird is a symbol that good, innocent people are destroyed by evil. Tom is destroyed by evil and I believe he’s even likened to a songbird that was slaughtered by children (or something like that, I’d have to dig my copy out and really read it again… Which I just might…). For Boo, he was destroyed by the evil that is his abusive father long ago, but he was still just good and gentle and didn’t cause no harm and saved Jem and Scout. Scout even makes a wise comment that hurting poor Boo would be like shooting a Mockingbird – it would be a sin to punish something/someone who has done nothing but try to be a good soul.

I believe the reason they decided to use To Kill A Mockingbird for this episode is because of Magna, Yumiko, Connie, Kelly, and Luke… And for Michonne. Think about it. There’s a trial scene. At this point,Judith would be Scout and even a bit of Boo. Michonne is being a Bob Ewell (funny how that works) and Magna and her group are Tom Robinson.

Michonne bases Magna and the whole group on one simple thing– Magna was a convict. She basically riled up a lynch mob with everyone and made the group out as these monsters that would stab them all in their sleep…Just as Bob painted Tom as some kind of big violent rapist. Judith was basically Scout and Boo. Judith saved them and brought them in, but she also killed to protect them (sure they were just walkers but yeah). Think about the character Scout and the Character Boo and then think about Judith. Judith can basically be considered “innocent” (I use that lightly because the girl isn’t completely innocent, she knows things, but she’s not grown enough to experience what true evil is). Judith is Scout in that she sees these people and assumes “good” because it’s something she just sees. Now obviously Magna and them are good, but what if they weren’t? Judith wouldn’t be able to see it. It wouldn’t take much to pull the cloak over a child’s eye, even one as quick witted and smart as Judith.

I believe that’s part of the reason we had her speaking against Negan. What Negan says is true about people. They can look real nice and seem real nice, but they can turn on you real quick and do damage. Funny enough, Negan is basically an anti-Atticus in his own right. He knows what is real good and what is real evil, but he lets himself make his own choices and runs an evil path. Atticus knew the difference between evil and good but stayed good and kind. Which, yeah, Rick fits this mold with a little push… But it’s also Daryl who fits this role the most and that’s something as well.

Anyway, Michonne was basically going to get Mockingbirds killed. Magna and them haven’t done anything evil that we know of so they’re not far from sin, but they are people that have done no wrong to the people that have helped them and have shown to be good and even democratic (the whole voting scene) and that’s our evidence that they’re good people just trying to survive. Michonne would basically be doing what Scout told Atticus about Boo –it would be like shooting a mockingbird to send them off. And I agree that Rick would have helped them too… He would’ve been wary and he would’ve been watching the new people, but Rick would’ve given them a chance to prove themselves as good. Michonne wasn’t doing that. She was stone walling them out – being a child throwing rocks at the mockingbirds.

Now… I know you asked about Beth. The more I think about it, Beth was an Atticus. She knew the world was full of evil… But she knew there were good people and knew that you had to see people for their strengths and weaknesses to see their whole and see them for who they were as a whole. Beth was like Jem and Scout too. She hadn’t experienced real evil until watching her father be beheaded… But she wavered in her belief of good people with Dawn and that put her at how Jem was towards the end of the book. But if she were around now, Beth could’ve been an Atticus…

Which leads me back to Daryl. If there’s anyone that fits the mold of Atticus, it’s Daryl… At least he did. Right now I’d say he’s more of a Jem. Lost his faith in systems and his beliefs of there being anymore good people… By the end of the book, Jem becomes distant in his belief of good people and justice. Daryl was an Atticus but now he’s a Jem… But he can become an Atticus again, which I believe will happen as the season goes on.

To be honest with you, the only thing bird related I’ve seenwith Beth was the bird cage in her cell room back in season 4. The birdcage in media – art or otherwise – is generally a symbol of lost freedom for a bird but also a frame of appreciation for their natural wonder. The birdcage is a symbol as much as the actual bird encased. For example, when I hear someone speak of a caged bird I always think of Sweeny Todd and the song “Green Finch and LinnetBird” that Johanna sings. In the song, Johanna compares herself to the caged bird and how she is trapped in the judges house, how her dream is to be free of her imprisonment and also talks of her inability to cope with the fact she will probably never escape. It’s always that song that comes to mind when I think of a bird cage and honestly it’s probably the most symbolic image and song I can think of. A bird that sings jubilantly and carefree while trapped in a cage…Yeah. That sounds like Beth. She still sings and still shows peace and acceptance even when she is basically in a giant bird cage in season 4 – the prison.Later – in season 5 at Grady – Beth still sings and is still an imprisoned bird, but she’s not as jubilant as she was. Rather she is like Johanna – she is trapped and isn’t sure how she’s to get free. But unlike Johanna, Beth isn’t disillusioned to her captivity and knows she’ll get free.

Now what about a Mockingbird? Well let’s talk about the bird itself. I know some people like @twdmusicboxmystery believe that the bird Daryl sees in 9x06 is an Osciner bird – the Songbird. But I believe it really is supposed to be a Bluebird or a Mockingbird, which IS a type of Songbird. I’m leaning more towards it being a Mockingbird since that’s part of the story in9x06. So Mystery isn’t wrong, I just believe it’s a different type of songbird than what they think it is.

And if it is the Mockingbird – which I believe it is – then that’s also a symbol for Daryl in that he doesn’t kill the bird and he doesn’t destroy it’s food source with the walker. He doesn’t commit a sin. He lets it live. And seeing a bird feeding it’s young and letting it live is definitely Daryl as a Boo Radley. Boo Radley was horribly hurt by his own father – like Daryl– and shut himself from the world because he wanted to be away from all the pain and horribleness the outside world can offer. That is what Daryl has basically done – shut himself way from people and their societies to “protect” himself from their troubles and pain. Loosing Rick put Daryl there but since Tyreese’s death – yes even with Beth’s death – Daryl has been pulling away and it’s no surprise he reached that point with Rick’s departure.

I know I’m not giving some deep meaning into the whole “Here’s all this that shows that Beth could be alive” and for that I’m sorry. I know that’s what you wanted me to answer, was probably hoping for… But I don’t see much symbolism around this bird and Beth and Daryl. I believe the bird is representing the To Kill A Mockingbird theme and that Daryl has his place as Boo at the moment, but is also an Atticus in his own right but needs to find his balance again. Which Daryl has a balance, he’s just off kilter right now.Understandably so.

This isn’t me shitting on anyone. I believe too many people are putting TOO MUCH emphases on all these things being related to Beth. I don’t have any connection for birds and Beth except for one thing and that’s Beth back at the prison and while she was in Grady because of that birdcage. People want to point out Carl seeing a bird cage back in season 4 with a dead bird on the ground and I think that was to symbolize how Carl was feeling and what he was going through – that he was a bird that escaped a cage but he has a chance of dying like the bird, who was probably caged it’s whole life and once free it didn’t know how to care for itself. But Carl wasn’t going to be the bird. He was going to survive and carry his dad along. Which he did. Sure he dies later,but for that scene and for that moment, Carl didn’t let himself become the dead bird.

So… I guess – posting all of this – I don’t really have anything to add to Beth and Birds and symbolism besides to say that sorry I don’t have anything but maybe reading what I’ve posted will give you a thought to go with your connections for Beth?

Thanks for asking me, by the way. This was pleasantly stimulating.

[knightofbalance-13]

Media Comparison: Legend Of Korra Vs. RWBY

So between a show with all the budget in the world, an already existing world and mythos, some of the best writers of our generation with some of the bets animators and artists while being based off a fucking legend of western animation and some anime-inspired show with the budget of a high school theater show made by a bunch of people I hadn’t even heard of before hand: You’d think the choice would be obvious right?

*sigh* Yeah, I wish it were that simple.

Yeah, if the introduction wasn’t obvious enough, I’m a fan of RWBY but NOT a fan of the Legend of Korra. Despite all of Korra’s advantages from budget to time to exposure to name recognition: I just found myself at best mildly entertained by it while at the same time, I really enjoy this web series my friend just happen to recommend to me with NO knowledge of it beforehand. So why is it that I enjoy one over the other despite logic saying otherwise?

Well, I’m here to explain that.

First off, the fact that I knew nothing about RWBY before hand may have actually helped the show in comparison. My only expectation for RWBY was a mildly amusing web show since at the time, I had only watched Abridged series on the web and this was before TFS really started getting good so my expectations were pretty level at the time. Meanwhile, I went into Korra with pretty high expectations for the show because it had the “Avatar” title on it and I had seen the previous series. So obscurity kind of helped RWBY there.

Even then, there are a LOT of problems that plague Korra that either are lesser in, solved in or just didn’t exist in RWBY. One of the biggest aspects is just the basic writing. In Korra, you have the Tomboy Savivor Jerk With A Heart of Gold, the generic everyman meant to ground the protagonist, the comedy relief younger brother and the pretty supporter. Basically, we have your average tropes as protagonists with next to nothing done to make them stand out. Even the character development for the group is by the book. Korra learns to not rush into shit and...actually that’s it for Korra. There is an “arc” in Seaosn 4 about letting people help her but that aspect is quickly dropped and never mention or referenced or used again. And Asami (the pretty supporter) just learns how to fight. 

Contrast this in RWBY where a young idealist is forced to learn that her way of looking at the world is too childish and naïve to ne effective. However, instead of developing into a cynic like normal, she just adjusts her world view to accommodate reality while keeping the core values of her belief. Or that the freedom fighter, instead of being seen as absolutely right, is forced to come to terms that her cause isn’t black and white and that her comrades aren’t justified in all their actions. Or that the weak, audience surrogate actually has a REASON to be weak and to not know what is going on, actively tries to fix that and still suffers for it.

Then we have the world of both shows. Somehow, Korra managed to have one the simplest but most effective worlds given to it on a silver platter...and completely fuck it up. The world goes from being similar to an ancient Asia-like world to somehow being 1920′s America-esque in only 100 years. Like...I do not even understand HOW that can happen. Asian culture is already heavily different from Western culture, ESPECIALLY America due to taking place on two sides of the planet with VERY different values and such. I cannot for the life of me see how one can develop into the other. And this is excluding the fact that the entire setting did a 1000 year leap in technology in a tenth of the time.

Meanwhile in RWBY, the world is bare bones but it DOES make sense. Dust is highly valued due to being the main power source of the world, they value positivity and self expression due to facing off against a rather identical and uniform enemy that feeds on negativity with powers that rely on their personalities without falling into stupid bullshit like suppressing all emotion (in fact, the world TRIED doing that once and showed why that is a terrible idea.) The four kingdoms have some central values shared but have many differences due to the differences in each region such as the hostile  Vacuo being welcoming of anyone who can survive there or Atlas being cold and calculating due to the necessity in the past to quickly adapt or die.

Then we have the characters themselves. I’ll keep this brief by focusing on the main characters of each, starting with LoK and Korra herself. Korra is...a complete and total jackass. And NOT in the intentional way were she gets called out and is forced to change. She DOES get called out...issue is that Korra almost NEVER learns her lesson because she either forgets about her actions latter on or the person who called her out is the one being punished. Korra defies her teacher’s instructions and later he’s forced to bend to her will because the narrative says Korra is right. Which is just a recipe for pissing the audience off. She’s also arrogant, full of herself, stubborn as hell, childish, immature and just a pain to watch. Even when she loses her arrogance and immaturity, she’s still reckless as hell and she still barely has a personality beyond being combat happy and short tempered. So at best, Korra is just your average Shounen protagonist with nothing new or unique of her own.

Meanwhile the main character of RWBY, Ruby Rose, stands out pretty well on her own. She’s energetic, optimistic, hopeful and yet shy and inexperienced. However each of these aspects actually has something to do with Ruby herself with an explanation and get explored quite a bit. She’s all these things because she’s young and comes to bite her in the ass quite a few times. Her energy causes her to rush into battle without thinking, her optimism was originally a near blindness to the world around her, her hopefulness is taken advantage of a few times and her shyness and inexperience originally gave her trouble trying to talk and relate to others. Ruby also has quite a but more to her as she is a natural leader and knows how to use her teammates’ abilities to their fullest, she’s adaptable as she accepts the world isn’t inherently good but still chooses to be optimistic and she has a hard time dealing with grief and rage, bottling them up until they start to leak out. Combine this with her earnest attempts at being a hero as well as some cute shy tendencies and you have a very loveable main character.

And then we have the romance. Korra was an absolute TERROR when it came to romance. The first romance in the show was a fucking love square which all started because the main heroine refused to understand the concept of “boyfriend”. Numerous relationships throughout the series are either badly done (Asami and Mako) or rather disturbing (from what it sounded like: Tenzen’s wife broke him and his then girlfriend Suyin up) or downright abusive (Bolin and Eska, Suyin’s reaction to the break up and Mako and Korra were just horrid.) There are only TWO passable relationships and that’s mainly because they barely get any focus. Also Korra and Asami but that was last minute and means nothing.

RWBY had a similar love triangle going on but unlike Korra, this was actually handled well. Jaune drops his affections for Weiss and helps her out, Pyrrha helps Jaune out and Jaune cheers Pyrrha up. It’s also one of the few shows to have a rather heartwrenching love story between Jaune and Pyrrha that ends up majorly affecting the show and helped make both characters stand out more in the fandom.

And,,,Listen, I can go on and on about the different ways I think RWBY is better than Korra but at the end of the day, Korra was a mess of somewhat interesting idea bungled up by messy execution and amateur mistakes along with some political issues seeping into the writing: RWBY also started out this way but the show DRASTICALLY improved and grew from these mistakes, learning how to avoid them and grow beyond them instead of stumbling back and forth between getting better or worse. All inall: LoK was either aggravating to watch or just dull while RWBY has been fun and I’ve grown to have a deep respect for the show.

[sarahunfiltered-blog1]

“This Little Light of Mine...

...I’m gonna let it shine.”

I’ve now sat down 2-3 times to write this blog post. I’ve deleted it every time and restarted and backed off, then came back, then backed off because what I was typing didn’t feel right, but it keeps coming up that I need to sit down and blog about this, so I’m going to go with my gut, set my own fears aside from it that no one gives a shit about how I let my light shine, or what I have to say and that this is stupid because these are all the thoughts that swirl in my head when I go to blog about something more personal and touchy, but I know from reading others people’s personal/vulnerable blogs I love them most because they’re real, raw, unfiltered and genuine which are all ways I work at showing up as... so here goes.

The word light keeps coming up for me. In conversations, mediation, yoga, visions, oracle cards, you name it, it’s present in my life.

What comes to mind when I think light is how I let my light shine and also in what ways I haven’t let my life shine throughout life, which has been more often than not. I would let life, work, family, friends and my own self-judgement keep me from letting my true light shine. It has never felt safe to be me and express myself fully. 

I feel like I’ve always had to down play myself, and keep everything to myself, stay quiet and ultimately just hide in my shell because I’m scared of others judging me about what I’m into or how I go about life or what I’m interested in and how I’m growing and what I’m learning about.

In the past my standard has been:

“Look how cute my dog is!” 

“Look at this dish I just cooked!”

“Look at this new diet I’m on!” (that I actually really hate and I’m hangry)

“Look at my progress pics!” (when in reality I’m not loving how I look)

“Look at my on point make up today!” (when in reality I feel ugly that day)

...now I’m not saying those aren’t parts of me and my life and journey, but that isn’t me. That’s not me letting my light shine. It’s me showing everyone what I think they want to see from me, but how fair is that to me or anyone really?

This isn’t to say I want to use my social platforms as this dirty laundry basket and talk about how shitty my life and day may have been (to me that’s what journaling is for). No, it’s the opposite. It’s me talking about how I love using palo santo to cleanse me and my space and why, how I’m into crystals, what realization I had during yoga, or the vision I had during meditation, how self care and love is so important to me and how I practice it, or how I LOVE using oracle cards, how holistic I love to live, how connected to the universe I feel, etc. 

I have thoughts of... 

“Oh, is so and so going to think I’m weird cause I use palo santo to “clear my space”?“ 

“What is someone thinks I’m a woowoo witchy bitchy?”

“What if someone judges me for having a potty mouth?”

“OMG... does so and so think I’ve gone crazy since I enjoy meditating with a crystal?”

“What if my friends feel weird around me now?”

“Ugh, what if my mom sees this and I get a text about what I’m doing wrong in her eyes?”

“What will my religious family/friends think of me?”

“What if someone labels me as “Mrs. Perfect” who does everything “right” and look at her waking up at 5 a.m. just to show off? Who does she think she is?

and the list goes on and on... but then I had this realization...

What if ALL of this is just me judging everyone else on judging me which ultimately just means I am judging everyone else? tf.. O_______o

Funny how that works though. I think it’s everyone else when I really need to take a look in the mirror and look at my own self-judgement I have towards myself because what others may or may not have to say is 100% OK. It doesn’t mean I need to hide in a closet and never come out and speak my truth and shine my light. Just because xyz may feel a certain way, that doesn’t mean it needs to dictate how I go about life. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, just as much as much as it’s OK for me to let it go in one ear and out the other and not OBSESS over what so and so thinks of me. 

I’ve really been working against the fears I have with me sharing more than just surface level content. It’s not easy and sometimes as I am writing out the post and I want to say “fuck it” and not post the really long caption or a yoga pose I practiced or something encouraging because I think who really cares? like whoooooooo REALLLYYY cares? But you know what? Me stepping out of my comfort zone and letting this little light of my shine has brought so much positive outcome, feedback and even new friends. LIKE HOW EFFIN’ COOL. 

Like my best friend for example is practicing yoga and loves using palo santo and crystals and is learning more and more about a healthier way of eating, I reconnected with a college friend for SEVEN years ago we just click so well, 2 of my friends asked recipes for the smoothies I drink every morning, my husband is interesting in the coffee and smoothies I drink along with looking into eating more keto/paleo friendly, one of my close friends used my oracle cards and the card she pulled really spoke to her and she looked into purchasing a deck herself, I noticed shortly after I started a blog on tumblr a friend that follows me started one too and I’ve also been able to connect with some of the people who inspire me the most through social media and they’ve cheered me on. 

It’s getting easier day by day and post by post and what’s really cool is during my last few meditations I’ve had visions of this bright white light completely surrounding me and to me that means protection, safety and that I am bringing light into the world and despite how silly I am feel in the moment I know I’ll attract the right people for me by doing me. 

Some people may not feel drawn to share their lives more publicly and some may not understand why this is important/big for me, but something that has always been huge for me is communication, leading, teaching and inspiring others, so me holding back is doing me and everyone a disservice and well.. I am just not OK with being quiet, playing small, and laying low anymore. I have a lot to share and I know you lead by example and need to walk the walk. 

So here is me letting my little light shine more and more in the days to come. :)

Sarah xo