#bertrand (not) baudelaire

[fuckinglemoniestoflemon]

VFD Yearbook

[beatricebidelaire]

"who would often torment his children by reciting it"

[jeaninesfavouriteserum]

me 🤝 slipping v.f.d. into everyday conversations and praying someone understands me

[pipbellerophon]

every explanation for why b&b would have named violet for lemony if they'd had a boy and then did not use the name when they had klaus is so fun

a) violet is lemony's daughter

b) they knew lemony wasn't dead by the time they had klaus

c) violet WAS named lemony but she's trans

d) klaus is trans and they never named a boy

[afterthegreatunknown]

A Headcanon Regarding the Violet’s Father Debate

Beatrice Baudelaire. A talented actress and performer whose charming ways wins anyone over, who has a high-standing rank due to being a Baudelaire, one of two oldest VFD Families. And with a great dislike for it, this defaults Beatrice getting more respect and recognition.

Such respect and recognition surely mean Violet Baudelaire’s father is also of equal standing.

And Bertrand B. is one of equal standing. While new to the organization, he became The Golden Boy™ of his generation. He is the volunteer who all the older volunteers of the previous generation think can do no wrong. He is the volunteer in Bertrand’s generation who is well-respected and generally like.

But Lemony Snicket is also of equal standing, and it’s not just because he’s born into an old VFD Family. A trouble-making volunteer, he can show how driven he is when it comes to goals, which is admirable to those of his generation. And his devotion to those he cares for makes him well-liked and generally respected.

Clearly, Beatrice having two lovers that are evenly match means almost everyone should spend time debating the biological identity of Violet Baudelaire’s father. They wouldn’t be doing so if Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony told everyone themselves to avoid the debate.

The thing is, the three don’t care. Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony, after a very discreet meeting, agree that biological shouldn’t matter to the identity of Violet’s father. They all agree that Bertrand is Violet’s father. Bertrand is the one who was there when Violet was born. Bertrand is the one who [will] raise Violet alongside Beatrice. Bertrand is the one who Beatrice pick to start a family with. And Lemony holds no ill-will towards Bertrand for being the one Beatrice picked, as well as holding no ill-ill towards Beatrice for picking the one who can be there to support her and her child.

With Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony having pick their positions, it’s time to know the others.

Team ‘Lemony is Violet’s Bio-Dad’:

Esme (Believes Lemony and Beatrice forgot to use protection. She also thinks it’s amusing and pathetic that Bertrand is raising someone else’s child.)

Kit (More often than not, Kit thinks Violet is Lemony’s child, because she wants Lemony to be around in the most unlikely ways. This led to fights with Jacques.)

Frank (Based off the timing of the breakup and when Beatrice and Bertrand went to the Island. He is convinced they know the truth and lying.)

Ernest (Follows Frank’s logic. However, he thinks Beatrice and Bertrand went to the Island without knowing, so they’re convince Violet isn’t Lemony’s daughter.)

R (Follows Frank’s logic. R also asked Lemony upright, being one the few he kept contact during this time period but got no answer.)

Gustav (Because of all the constant drama, he just picks a side on the fly in case they have to state their opinion on the matter.)

Olivia (Flat out asked Beatrice and Bertrand if Violet is Lemony’s kid, leading to the couple to say no. Olivia is convinced they’re lying to her.)

Ellington (She found copies of ASOUE at a few bookstores, and she draws her own conclusions without any influences what-so-ever.)

Team ‘Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad’: 

Olaf (By ASOUE, he’s running under the logic ‘the couple that slayed together, have kids together.’ Before, Olaf was convinced Lemony is a prude who used protection)

Jacques (As much as he wants Violet to be Lemony’s child, Jacques can never find traces of Lemony in Violet’s face, which lead to many fights with Kit.)

Josephine (Is convinced Violet is a premature child. Due to eventually losing contact with Beatrice and Bertrand, she never got her answer for sure.)

Ike (Due to an ill-spoken rumor that relates to Gregor being Fiona’s biological father, Ike chooses to believe Bertrand isn’t raising someone else’s child.)

Widdershins (Believes the timing works better with Betrand as Violet’s father than Lemony. Might factor with Widdershins believing the false reports of Lemony.)

Miranda (She was after all, on the Island with Beatrice and Bertrand. She knows of Beatrice’s past with Lemony, but Miranda is certain Violet is Bertrand’s child.)

Ishmael (Arrived on the Island when Beatrice was in her Third Trimester, and therefore assumed Betrand is the father. He did briefly consider Lemony is Violet’s biological father after reading the in-universe ASOUE book, but reject it.)

Moxie (Random Headcanon Time! I think there’s several Editors: Awful Editor, Dreadful Editor, and Kind Editor. Moxie is the Kind Editor, after she and Lemony semi-got back in contact. After hearing everything of the topic from the horse’s mouth that is Lemony, Moxie is all, “Yeah, Bertrand is Violet’s father.”)

Team: ‘Wait, are you serious? This is an actual topic of debate?’ Also Known as: Team ‘Haven’t decided yet’: 

Fernald (He knew the topic exist because he once saw Kit and Jacques getting into an argument about it, but it’s TEE when Fernald realize it’s a serious topic because Olaf and Esme ask about his stance and panic answers, “Unsure.”).

The rest of the Acting Troupe (Olaf and Esme started to argue about it again post TVV but pre-THH. They asked Fernald if they should get involve. Fernald tells them not to worry over it for now and they roll with it.)

Hugo, Colette, Kevin (Olaf and Esme got into another argument in TPP but because they’re the only remaining ‘Troupe’ left they can’t ask anyone what the hell they’re talking about so they’re just confused.)

The rest of the Associates (Whenever Ellington shows up to visit Moxie, the two sometimes get into arguments about it. Everyone is quiet when it happens. While they know Moxie is in contact of sorts with Lemony, they have no idea how serious of a topic it is between the two women until they see the arguments themselves.)

Team ‘Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad’…but only because they have no idea of the theory Lemony is Violet’s Bio-Dad:

All of the Unfortunate Generation (Why should they know?)

Dewey (He was hiding away from the world before Fiona was born. Him meeting Violet when Beatrice and Bertrand visiting him was a nice, sweet surprise, and the couple didn’t want to ask if he heard of the theory from his brothers to ruin said meeting. Ernest and Frank —and later on Kit and others who do visit Dewey— never told Dewey their opinion because they want Dewey to be happy for his friends getting together and having a daughter/eventual family.)

Monty (He was traveling when the Violet’s Father Debate was at its highest, and came back after Beatrice and Bertrand’s return, when Violet was almost one year old. No one told Monty their opinions/informed him of the theory Lemony is Violet’s Bio-Dad because they want Monty to be happy his friends got together and had a daughter/eventual family while away.)

Charles (Think Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad because Kit told him via letter when she was [back to] thinking Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad.)

Hector (Isolated at the Village of Fowl Devotee after Fiona was born, but before Violet was born. Thinks Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad due to Ike and Josephine.)

Georgina (Began her isolation in Paltryville before Violet was born, so the last things she heard is “Lemony is dead” and “Beatrice and Bertrand went to the Island.” Upon hearing word Beatrice and Bertrand came back from the Island and they now have a baby, Georgina is convinced Bertrand took advantage of Beatrice’s grief)

Phil + Hal (Naturally assumes the Baudelaires share the same father; in Phil’s case being on the Crew of Two on the Queequeg has Widdershins never telling him about this debate, and in Hal’s case Kit didn’t think about telling him about the debate)

Theodora + Jerome (Also naturally assumes that the Baudelaires share the same father. Both knew Beatrice and Lemony were a thing. Jerome figured Beatrice only decided to raise a family after becoming serious with Bertrand. In Theodora’s case, she believed Beatrice got pregnant on the Island, and it went from there.)

Half of the Original Schism Generation (Ex: Monty’s Sister, Adeline. Follows Theodora’s logical because it makes the most sense.)

Team ‘Can You All Shut the Ever-Loving F*CK UP’: 

Sally (Hearing the debate so much got to where Sally wanted to hear nothing about Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony for weeks. It got so bad, she once stopped talking to Gustav and other associates’ mid-way in conversations whenever it’s brought up.)

Larry + Haruki (Would have picked a side if people kept it as a minor thing but it got too large of a matter at hand, and two collectively went, “Fuck you we pick none!”)

Raymond ‘Q’ Quagmire + Joan Quagmire + Joan’s Triplet Sisters’ Alex and Lindsey (Raymond and Joan made cards that says if anyone brings up the topic in any of their presence, they have to pay a $1000 dollar fine. Alex and Lindsey made it a permanent ban topic by threatening everyone to change the fine to $10, 000 dollars)

Thursday (Miranda never told him the theory about Lemony being Violet’s Bio-Dad. He only knows about because Kit unnecessary told him the theory without him having a choice on the matter on day over a cup of Turkish coffee. Whenever Kit tries to bring it up again Thursday excuses himself from the table and hides out in the restroom/makes an excuse to cut their meeting short.)

TMWBBNH and TWWHBNB (Think the Baudelaires are small potatoes in the grand schemes of things. It’s not their concern and they are able to get Olaf and Esme to shut up about it before they even argue about it whenever around.)

Team Dead and Therefore Excluded:

Pretty much any dead character by the ASOUE Period, canonically or assumed otherwise (Ex: Gregor, the other half of the Original Schism Generation like Dashiell, N Caliban because I headcanon N is dead, and others not mentioned here.)

[fistfightinganxietyandlosing]

I don't like A Series of Unfortunate Events because of everything we know about its characters and world. Rather, I like it for everyone we don't know.

[fanonical]

the baudelaire parents are actually alive and fine and living on a nice tropical island which doesn't have any cults or deadly poison or anything, they just managed to get outta their ridiculous lives

[lionmythflower]

i truly believe that lemony never held an ounce of judgement towards Bertrand for marrying Beatrice ever. Like yes, lemony did love Beatrice, and it is shown that he still loves her even after her marriage and then after her death. But in all of his poems about her, there is not a single thing talking about Bertrand in vain. Nor at any point does lemony show that he's mad or jealous at Beatrice's husband. I don't think that he is a jealous person. Yes, he still loves Beatrice, and there is a good chance she still loved him. But she moved on. They parted and she moved on. But Lemony is not mad about it in the slightest. He might not have moved on, but he isn't petty about it at all and he doesn't hold a grudge. He writes poetry as a healthy coping mechanism to deal with the heartbreak and her death but he's still the bigger person and isn't about to be a bad person about it. In other words, he has the reaction that any women respecting man should have.

[snckt]

there is a certain thrill to wearing a disguise — a thrill that is half excitement and half danger. i once attended one of the famed masked balls hosted by the duchess of winnipeg, and it was one of the most exciting and dangerous evenings of my life.

@asouefanworkevent day five of woevember : the masked ball, alternatively titled,   the dragonfly.

[the-nonsense-is-mine]

Bertrand crossed the hall from the library and into the dining room, paused, and took two steps back into the hallway. From there, he could make see with Beatrice, who was frantically and silently waving him closer. He joined her at the door to Violet's bedroom.

"Look," whispered Beatrice, indicating the crack of the propped open door and the view it afforded of Violet's desk.

Normally Bertrand would object to eavesdropping among family, but Beatrice seemed absolutely giddy, so he leaned in for a better look.

Violet was bent over her desk, hair neatly tied back, frowning in deep concentration - like usual. Bertrand looked back at Beatrice for guidance. Rolling her eyes, Beatrice mimed something fast and complicated.

"Paper!" she mouthed.

Bertrand looked again. Now that his attention had been properly directed, he understood at once what Beatrice was saying. The mess of inventing work had all been cleared off of Violet's desk, leaving it cleaner than it had been since she had turned six. The notebook she was scribbling in was not one of her usual graph paper ones, but a lined notebook, no doubt borrowed from Klaus. And more than that - the pile of user manuals and architectural guides that normally adorned Violet's desk had been ousted in favor of a well-worn poetry sampler from the family library.

Bertrand pulled Beatrice down the hallway and into the safety of the dining room, both of them stifling their excitement behind wide smiles.

"She's writing poetry!" exclaimed Beatrice, as she pushed the door shut behind them and took Bertrand's hand. "You know what that means, don't you?"

"Absolutely," replied Bertrand, pulling Beatrice into a hug. "Our little girl is in love!"

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE Characters (The Adults)

And the Beatles Songs I Can't Help But Associate Them With

Lemony Snicket, In My Life (~All these places had their moments/With lovers and friends, I still can recall/Some are dead and some are living/In my life, I've loved them all~)

Beatrice Baudelaire, Golden Slumbers (~Golden slumbers fill your eyes/Smiles await you when you rise/Sleep pretty darling do not cry/And I will a lullaby~)

Bertrand Baudelaire, All My Loving (~All my loving, I will send to you/All my loving/Darling, I'll be true/All my loving/All my loving, Ooh/All my loving, I will send to you~)

Count Olaf, Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) (~I once had a girl/Or should I say she once had me/She showed me her room/Isn't it good Norwegian Wood?~) + (~And when I awoke I was alone/This bird had flown/So I lit a fire/Isn't it good Norwegian wood?~)

Esme Squalor, Girl, being the Girl in question, not the 'singer'* (~She's the kind of girl who puts you down/When friends are there/You feel a fool/When you say she's looking good/She acts as if it's understood~)

*The 'singer' of 'Girl' is Jerome Squalor, who has strong feelings of his former marriage with Esme, more bad than good

Jacques Snicket, While My Guitar Gentle Weeps (~I look at the world and I notice it's turning/While my guitar gently weeps/With every mistake we must surely be learning/Still my guitar gently weeps~)

Kit Snicket, Help* [~When I was younger so much younger than today/I never needed anybody's help in any way/(Now) But now these are gone (These days are gone)/I'm not so self assured/(And now I find) Now I've changed my mind/And opened up the doors~]

*Despite the upbeat tone, the lyrics really do fit Kit

Dewey Denouement, A Day in the Life (~I read the news today, oh boy/About a lucky man who made the grade/And though the news was rather sad/Well, I just had to laugh/I saw the photograph~) + (~A crowd of people stood and stared/They'd seen his face before/Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords~)

Ernest Denouement, Carry That Weight (~Boy, you're gonna carry that weight/Carry that weight a long time/Boy, you're gonna carry that weight/Carry that weight a long time~)

Frank Denouement, You Never Gave Me Your Money (~You never give your money/You only give me your funny paper/And in the middle of negotiations/You break down~)

[lyeekha]

Bertrand and the little one

[beatricebidelaire]

lemony describing theodora talking about bertrand, directly quoting theodora’s own words

exhibit 1:

exhibit 2:

exhibit 3:

not sure if this count as “own words” but i’ll put this here too as honorary mention :

____

lemony describing theodora talking about bertrand, but not directly quoting her

____

i was thinking about how when lemony actually quoted theodora, her descriptions of bertrand are more just, specific things, like “he would not have done this particular thing” kind of way. i wonder how much is the part of him saying theodora saying bertrand is a saint etc etc, how much of that is his exaggeration, how much is he just intentionally or subconsciously exaggerating it because that’s what it feels like she’s saying, if that makes sense. and also, if she really said so, did she really think so? and could the things she said not actually be her real thoughts? perhaps she’s exaggerating because L annoyed her, or perhaps she was remembering the past more fondly than it had been as people sometimes do but didn’t actually think the past great when living through it

anyway.

[drowninginredink]

I was rereading The Penultimate Peril, and I got to the section where it explains how Bertrand taught the Baudelaires the prank of pushing every button in the elevator before you step out so the next person is stuck going to every floor. You know who he pulled that prank on?

"A tiresome woman named Eleanora"

Bertrand Baudelaire annoying Eleanora Poe is canon

[witherydithery]

[dykemaclachlan]

pov you’re bertrand driving the taxi and you have a vital decision to make