#besides the instability of the custom world i was using i think i got a bit caught up in thinking about the “aesthetic” with her

[thebramblewood]

Welcome to Bridgeport, where we'll be following the life and times of Gwen Larkin, aspiring news anchor and secret trashy novel writer by day, hot spot hopper and vampire magnet by night.

[jokertrap-ran]

(未定事件簿) EVENT!「异乡行歌·上篇」 [Tears of Themis] EVENT: Romantic Rail Getaway- Later Half Translations (Mo Yi’s Route)

Day 1: The Old Town of Lange― The Charm of the Hometown of Grapes (兰格老城区: 葡乡的魅力)

*Tears of Themis Masterlist / Mobile Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *The tracking tag for ALL Event Stories will go under: #Tears of an Event

Location: Cultural Salon

Salon Speaker: In lieu of the progress and development of Technology, the fully automated factory assembly line used to produce wine now reached full maturity.

Salon Speaker: People no longer have to worry about the instability of the wine, that would tarnish the quality of the end product, when doing manual brewing.

Salon Speaker: Of course, there are also certain regions that put emphasis on doing it the traditional way and have continued doing so manually.

Salon Speaker: Alas, we cannot afford to leave out Barosco— The famed Country of Wine.

……

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

The speaker’s comedic style of presentation made everyone listen in with apt interest at the “Barosco Wine Culture” talk.

The 2-hour lecture wasn’t lengthy at all. In fact, it actually made people even more interested in the remote Country of Wine.

I was still enamoured by the scent of wine even after the place had emptied out after the talk, unable to snap back to my senses from the trance I had fallen under.

MC: The Country of wine…? I wonder if even the air will carry the fragrance of wine…?

Mo Yi: Are you interested in Barosco?

MC: Yeah. I happened to see a travel guide for Barosco just the other day!

MC: It mentioned a couple of other popular attractions alongside a Railway Tour about Wine Culture, which I find particularly interesting!

In fact, the main purpose why I’d come down to this talk was to learn more about Barosco.

The small Country famous for its Wine Culture had a pleasant climate and boasted beautiful sceneries that made people yearn to see it with their own eyes.

Mo Yi: It’s always better to witness it with one’s own eyes and hear it with one’s own ears. It’ll be best for you to simply go there and experience it for yourself.

MC: Oh?

It was clearly a simple sentence, no matter how you looked at it; but for some reason or another, it really resonated with my heart.

He’s right. I can definitely experience a different sort of beauty from Stellis City over there in Barosco, right?

Plus, I’ve not been too busy lately, so it’ll be no problem at all to just take a couple days of annual leave and go have fun elsewhere.

Mo Yi: (Y/n), do you want to go to Barosco with me?

Mo Yi: Maybe we can go experience the newly opened Railway Train Route together?

MC: You want to go too?

I realized something fatal the moment the words left my mouth. Doesn’t this mean that I’ve technically sold my heart to the idea!?

Mo Yi: I’ve been there a couple of times before. And I’m also relatively familiar with Barosco myself.

Mo Yi: Besides, I’ve been on Spring Vacation lately, so I have plenty of time to spare.

Mo Yi: I wish to accompany you on this trip and be your tour guide, if you don’t mind.

His golden eyes were coloured with expectation, making me unable to refuse him.

MC: I want to go with you too.

Mo Yi: Great. It’s about time you relax a little after having worked so hard for so long.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Thus, that was how we decided to go on a trip together.

Everything all the way from booking to departure went smoothly without a hitch. And soon, we started our journey to the Country of Wine...

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Location: Railway Tour's Starting Station

MC: The Travel Brochure’s so detailed! It introduces the name, type, taste and quality of all the wines in here.

MC: Oo? They even have grapevine planting methods written in this thing…!

I passed the time by reading the Travel Brochure that we’d been handed after passing the customs while waiting for the train to arrive at the Station.

I didn’t expect the brochure to contain not only information about the various scenery spots, but also records that detail the many varieties of local speciality wines.

Simply put, it was literally a small wine encyclopaedia.

Mo Yi: Looks like the locals here are very proud and confident in the wine that’s MC: Yeah. It feels like they’re broadcasting to the world: “Come taste my wine!”.

While we were happily chatting, a member of the staff pushed a trolly past the platform, parking it in a vacant area nearby.

Staff: Dear tourists, come try some fresh handmade wine free of charge!

Staff: Please show your ticket to enjoy this surprise that our Station has specially prepared for you!

Staff: A special reminder that this only applies for adult tourists! Minors are not allowed to drink alcohol!

MC: Looks like we’ve struck the jackpot, Dr. Mo! We have a taste of Barosco wine before we’re even there!

There were many tourists in the Station, but thankfully, there were staff members around to help guide everyone in an orderly fashion.

It didn’t take long before Mo Yi and I both got our share of the goods.

I took a sip in anticipation. The taste of the liquor instantly lingered between my lips and tongue, the complex and rich aroma spreading throughout my palate.

Mo Yi: How’s the taste of Barosco’s handmade wine? Is it anything like you imagined it to be?

Mo Yi swirled his wineglass but didn’t seem interested in taking a drink out of it. Rather, he appeared much more interested in my evaluation of said wine after having just tasted it myself.

MC: It tastes...

▷Choice: Nicer

MC: I think it tastes nicer than any wine I’ve drunk before.

I tried to remember the wine-tasting terms of description that I’d learned back in the Wine Culture Salon back then.

MC: It tastes refreshing, mellow, and smooth… And what else…? Never mind, I can’t think of any more terms to describe it.

MC: In any case, it’s delicious.

Mo Yi: Looks like the wine here is actually pretty good.

MC: Yeah! I’m thinking of bringing a couple of bottles of their Speciality Wine back to Stellis City!

Mo Yi: The trip hasn’t even started yet. Who knows, you might find other local specialities you want to bring back during the trip itself.

MC: Yup! I’ll have to rely on you to lug the rest of the stuff back if it ever comes down to that!

Perhaps the way I spoke with such confidence had amused him, for his eyes were brightly lit with a smile.

Mo Yi: Of course.

▷Choice: Not very different

MC: In all honesty… It doesn’t seem all that different from the wines I’ve drunk before...

It was as delicious as it came, but if I were to describe just how good it was, I’m afraid that’s something way out of my field.

I struggled for a while, trying to find a way to best describe it; only to settle for the plain hard truth moments after.

MC: Well, I guess I don’t have what it takes to be a wine connoisseur.

Mo Yi: It’s not your fault.

Mo Yi: It’s just wine that the Station’s providing the tourists here to taste-test. There are really no other outstanding traits to it other than it being easy to drink.

MC: Heh… The staff will definitely get mad if they heard you say that.

Mo Yi: Well, you’re the only one I plan on telling.

Mo Yi: You’ll have to go to a special local winery if you want to taste fine wine… We should be getting to one in a couple of days.

MC: Yeah! That’s just one more thing to anticipate!

Mo Yi: Alright, it’s about time for us to board.

Mo Yi: I have a feeling that this is going to be one beautiful and extraordinary journey.

MC: Yeah, me too!

With the delicious food, beautiful sceneries to admire, and the company of Dr. Mo added along to the fray, this was turning out to be an extremely exciting trip!

☆⋅⋆…⋅───── ⋆⋅ Romantic Rail Getaway⋅⋆ ────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Next Part: (Day 1: The Old Town of Lange― Lange’s Commercial Street)

[harleyquilt]

A new life. (Touken fluff fic)

Summary: au of if kaneki joined touka to the new cafe instead of fighting arima, inspired by 144 and requested by @rozemaryblaze and @catsoul2

Notes: probably not my best work. But thank you for 200 followers!! Again, probably not the nest fic to celebrate with…but I’ll accept any requests given!! Thank you!!!!! Please enjoy and feedback~~

It was quiet in the new cafe, only the sound of the clock ticking and the distant sounds of touka’s voice talking to yomo in the main area. It had been a year since the Anteiku raid and since then, he had decided to use yomo’s advice and join him, touka, nishiki and hinami in making a new cafe in a new ward. A new life. One he hoped he wouldn’t regret.

It had took them the whole year to save up for the cafe and decorate it and the opening day had finally arrived. Kaneki wasn’t sure if he had recovered from his…instability from the years prior to this, but he knew being with touka and the others helped immeasurably, even if that may take him a while. Though, if he was completely honest, he continued to keep a distant relationship with his friends and very rarely shared any of his past experiences that still haunted him in his dreams at night. Atleast he was here, watching over them like he should have before. He won’t allow anyone to hurt them again.

“Kaneki.” Touka called out and peered into the break room he stood in with a handful of clothes in her hand. “Here’s your uniform. Are you sure you wanted to work as a waiter?”

“Yes.” He smiled honestly and took the clothes from her with a small thank you. “You said it would help if I stopped ‘lurking around,’ as you put it.”

At first, he couldn’t say he was comfortable with the idea of going back to being a waiter in the cafe, originally planning to join yomo with his jobs with yoshimura, but of course that plan was no longer possible. Nonetheless, he couldn’t deny that touka was wrong; he spent his days mostly hidden away on his own, but he could tell touka tried hard to help him take a step back into the real world. It was the least he could do for her and besides, maybe working with touka again would help distract him from the usual voices that dragged his mind to darker places he’d rather not dwell on.

“Sorry for being honest.” Touka smirked, already making her leave. “Hurry and get changed, we’ll be opening soon.”

His eyes stayed on her as she walked away, shaking his head quickly when he realised he was staring. Again. It was something he noticed he was doing a lot of since he came back and noticed how she had changed, growing a few inches taller, her hair becoming lighter and was now more curled with her new haircut. Calling her cute now would be an understatement, to say the least.

He once again tried to push away these thoughts. Thinking about touka in such a way…he shouldn’t let his thoughts wonder off so freely. Of course, he wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t fond of her. If anything, she had been on his mind for a very long time now, but he knew allowing himself to become closer to her would only lead to danger and the mere thought of her ending up in a situation and dyin- no, he couldn’t even think about it. He won’t let it come to that, so for that, he’ll continue avoiding her, even if it ended up hurting her. Besides, she would never think of him the way he does for her. Not after everything he had done and how much he had changed.

Why did you have to change…

Her words echoed in his mind as he started to remove his shirt, grabbing the freshly washed one touka gave him.

“Oh right, kaneki. I forgot to give you your-” touka stopped abruptly, her eyes widened at the sight of his bare chest, roaming them over the toned muscles he got over the past two years. A blush rose of her cheeks.

“What’s wrong, touka-chan?” Kaneki asked confused, slipping on the new shirt.

“Y-Your tie.” She sheepishly handed over the tie, biting her lip and trying so hard to avert her eyes. “You’ve changed so much. Last I remember, you were a bean pole.”

He laughed a little at her response, seeing her so embarrassed so amusing considering how she used to scold him for being so weak.

“Oh? Is that so?” Kaneki buttoned up his shirt. “I guess I followed your advice well then.”

“S-Shut up and get changed, idiot.” She stormed out of the room, releasing a breath she didn’t know she held. “How did get he get so good looking.” She mumbled to herself.

“Touka-chan.” He called out and when he heard her footsteps stop, a sly smile grew on his lips. “You know I can still hear you.”

“I’ll beat the hell out of you!” She yelled, rushing off.

…

It was closing time, the last of the few customers finally leaving and nishiki and kaneki wiped down the tables whilst touka went over to flip the sign on the door. The cafe was doing wonderfully well since it opened six months ago, many customers, both humans and ghouls, visited the cafe along with their endless compliments for touka’s delicious coffee.

She set out three new cups for her and the boys, preparing the coffee as they finished cleaning up.

“Jeez, such a busy day.” Nishiki complained and leaned against the mop. “Why am I working for you again?”

“Because you’re a lazy piece of shit with nothing better to do.” Touka sighed, pouring the water in each mug once it boiled.

“You shitty woman.” He huffed. “I deserve a raise.”

“Then insulting your boss will probably not be the best way to go about it.” Kaneki shook his head but continued to grin after he finished wiping over the last table.

“Atleast kaneki knows some respect.” Touka said smugly and stuck her tongue out to nishiki who rolled his eyes in response.

“That’s only because you two are into each other and then you say you don’t pick favourites.” Touka choked and kaneki ended up knocking over a few things from the table from nishiki’s comment, whilst he sat there smirking at their reactions. “Don’t try to deny it. I can practically smell the sexual tension and it’s bloody revolting.”

“Fucking idiot.” Touka snapped, holding up a mug ready to throw it right into his head. “I’ll kill you where you stand.”

“T-Touka-chan.” Kaneki stammered, hiding his blushing mess of a face with his hand. “You’ve already broke three mugs this past month.”

“Fine.” She grumbled, setting down the mug and moved on to finish the coffees. “He deserves it though.”

Kaneki and nishiki took a seat on the stools at the counter and touka passed them their drinks. They were silent as they took the first sip, savouring in the nostalgic taste that warmed them up as they drank. With every coffee she made, it had seemed touka had continued to make her coffees more like the managers’ and yet, it still wasn’t exactly the same. Not yet.

“This cafe is doing well, surprisingly enough.” Nishiki commented, his eyes wandered to the rest of the cafe. “And to think our lives be dammed after what happened in the 20th ward.”

“Well, it’s the least we could- wait, what do you mean ‘surprisingly enough?’ Did you not think that I could have done it?”

“If we’re talking about you who couldn’t even give anyone a decent haircut to save your life or you, who couldn’t go through one week without breaking a plate, then yes, it was surprising.”

They started to squabble once again and their voices grew louder with each comeback whilst kaneki sat by in silence, not really paying attention to the conversation. He held the mug in his hand and stared out of the window, the memories of the raid flooded into his mind.

You couldn’t protect them that day, a voice whispered harshly within him. You couldn’t save the manager or your other friends. You ruined their lives and forced them to start over. All you bring is pain-

“Kaneki.” Touka called softly, but it startled kaneki nonetheless and his mug fell from his hands and smashed loudly against the cold ground.

“Sorry.” Kaneki mumbled, kneeling to collect the broken shard but his hands continued to tremble violently, dropping the pieces as he tried to pick them up.

Worthless Worthless Worthless Worthless

Nishiki joined him, placing a hand on his shoulder and told him that he would sort it out whilst he goes to the break room to take a moment for himself. Kaneki gave a small nod and rose to move to the next room, avoiding to even look up to touka who called for him once again.

Pitiful meaningless empty weak pathetic selfish

The voices didn’t stop, bombarding him continually with a merciless wave of bitter resentment that tore his mind apart with the reminder that he was partially to blame for everything that had changed; He took nishiki away from kimi, he ruined the life touka tried so hard to build, hinami was forced to move away from the home she had finally found after her trauma. He’s the reason Yoshimura died. He ruined everything.

If he hadn’t been so selfish…

Touka knocked on the break room’s door lightly, asking if she could come inside but kaneki didn’t respond. Slowly, she opened the door slightly to the dark room, muffled sobs being heard somewhere in the dark and saw that after she turned on the lights, kaneki was in a small, crouched ball in the corner of the room, his arms covering his sobbing face and his hands clawed against his head. He flinched when he heard touka’s voice again and buried his face into his knees, trying to hold back his small sobs from her.

“Kaneki. You…” She didn’t know what she could say to comfort him.

He seemed so fine the times they were together, even if he faltered here and there. Perhaps she had only ignorantly hoped that he was healing, despite the fact that she knew better judging by how much he went through only for his only home to be destroyed. Did he blame himself? When he had reluctantly agreed to yomo’s proposal to join them, was he really moving on from his old ways, or was he using it as an excuse to distract him from the pain he secretly felt? And to think that he went through all of this on this own…not anymore, touka decided.

She approached him and sat down besides him and his grip tightened as he clenched his hair with his fists. It pained touka so much to see him in this state, the realisation of how much he must have kept to himself only now sinking in, but all she could think of was how much of an idiot she was for not noticing sooner.

“Kaneki.” Her voice was low but gentle, soothing kaneki in a such way he couldn’t describe. “Please look at me.”

He’s hesitant at first, but she waited patiently with him first lowering one arm before he removed the other, shakily lifting his head to face her. At first, he feared to look up to see pity, disgust even, written all over touka’s face, the fear that she would now see him for the weak person he was and it made him nauseous to even imagine, but he didn’t want to reject her. What he didn’t expect, however, was to see her smile. Such a beautiful smile. A smile that wiped away all worries and doubts, instantly warming his heart and calming his mind. All in one smile.

She lifted her hand slowly and pushed back his bangs and moved it down to his cheek, her thumb wiping away a stray tear from his bloodshot eyes. To her surprise, he hadn’t flinched away from her and had even shuffled closer and kept his hand over hers to prevent it from leaving him. She may not know the words to tell him, but maybe words weren’t needed right now. Maybe all he needed was to know that he wasn’t alone. She watched him shut his eyes and his brows furrowed as he rubbed small circled on the back of touka’s hand.

“Thank you.” He said, his voice hushed. “Thank you, touka-chan.”

“You don’t need to hide from me.” And she froze slightly when he nodded, resting his head against her shoulder. She brushed her fingers through his hair with her other hand and smiled to herself. “No one blames you for anything and even if they did, I would just beat them up for you.”

She felt him laugh against her, his hand squeezing hers slightly and she couldn’t deny the butterflies she felt in her stomach to see that she was able to make him happy, even if just a little.

“I’ll always be there for you, kaneki.”

…

It was so hard for her not to stare at him these days. He’s changed so much over the last few months, his roots reverted back to black with his hair becoming thicker and his face becoming more defined. His body also became more broad whilst he also grew a few more inches. She didn’t want to admit it, but he looked good.

“Careful, I see some drool from all that staring.” Nishiki smirked. “The word ‘subtle’ doesn’t seem to exist for someone like you.”

“Give it a rest.” She threw the wet cloth at his face and tried to ignore his persistent comments.

“All I’m saying is that you might as well as make a move whilst you can.” He nodded towards kaneki, who was talking to a very clearly interested, beautiful woman. “You’re not the only one into him.”

“I’m not into him.” She protested a little too loudly. “That idiot can do whatever he wants.”

Despite her words, her eyes continued to wander to where kaneki stood, the woman sitting cross legged with her head rested on her hand, her eyes fluttered with a cute smile that could bring any man to their knees. Kaneki, on the other hand, continued to remain polite, with that awkward smile of his and lighthearted voice and he clearly had no idea on how to respond to the woman’s flirting.

He seemed happy.

After she found him broken in the storage closet nearly six months ago, touka tried her best to help him move on from his painful thoughts and insecurities by being his support. After that day, he had slowly began to open up to her and shared small pieces of his past and experiences bit by bit with each passing day and eventually, the burdening weights that held him down were finally being lifted from his chest, she saw him become…happy. He started to smile more and even began to laugh again and what’s better was that he wasn’t avoiding her anymore. That was the greatest gift she could have received.

But as he opened up to her, she inevitably grew closer to him too and now she wasn’t exactly sure on how she felt. To be honest, she always had…Some feelings towards him, begrudgingly enough, but now she didn’t know how to react to them. Should she pursue them, of should she let him go and be happier with someone who wasn’t afraid to show their affection? She just simply wasn’t sure.

“Touka-chan.” Kaneki waved his hand in front of her, bringing back her attention. “Did you hear me.”

“W-What?” Touka shook her head and blinked hard. “Did you say something?”

Instead of being annoyed, he only smiled at her. He had such a beautiful smile.

“I said one espresso, please.” She nodded awkwardly and began to prepare the drink. “Such a daydreamer lately, touka-chan.” She froze when she felt his hand brush back a strand of loose hair. His touch was so warm. “Is there something on your mind?”

“I…” She almost dropped the cup, but caught it just in time. “Shit.”

He came round the counter and took the mug from her hand to set it down. Touka was more than certain that she was a blushing mess at this point, only hoping that the ground beneath her would just swallow her up already.

“Touka, your head is so hot. You must be catching a fever or something.” Kaneki frowned, placing a hand against her head. “Come on, I’ll take you to the break room. Nishiki-senpai, watch over please.”

With a knowing smile from nishiki, he nodded and gave a thumbs up to touka as kaneki began to guide her away from the cafe towards the break room. Touka, on her way out, caught a glimpse of that woman from earlier who glared right back at touka, jealousy written all over her face and touka couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

Once in the break room, kaneki gave touka a glass of water and went to find a damp cloth for her head. It was amusing in a way to see him so worried for her when it wasn’t too long ago that touka was aiding kaneki. He scurried around until he found one and dabbed it on her head.

“I’m fine, kaneki.” Touka said, but he didn’t seem to listen to her. “Stop worrying so much, my mind just drifted off a little.”

“Can you blame me for worrying?” Kaneki took the cloth away and placed his hand back onto her head, sighing with relief when he felt it was back to normal. “But I guess you’re right. I just can’t help it when it’s you.”

She expected him to leave then, but his hand stayed in placed and drifted down her cheek, his light touch sent a shiver through her. He locked his eyes onto hers, biting his lip nervously as if he was about to do something he wasn’t sure of. Touka didn’t know what to do and remained frozen in place, awaiting his next move, but instead he leaned back and quickly took his hand away.

“S-Sorry.” His voice shook and his hand moved to scratch the back of his head, turning his face away whilst he cringed at his own actions. “I don’t know what came over me then.”

Then, of all the things to happen, she pulled his tie and forced him to face her and leaned in. For a moment, she hesitated, licking her lips and waited for kaneki to push her away, but he merely stared at her with those big round eyes of his and pursed lips. She took a deep breath and pressed her lips against his.

It was weird at first, clumsy and awkward, but when she pulled away, trembling with sheer embarrassment, his hands cupped her face and pulled her back in for another kiss. It was softer this time, more patient and slow.

After a while, they finally broke away, but kaneki continued to hold touka’s face in his hands, his forehead against hers. He continued to plant small kisses on her nose to her cheek and touka smiled against him.

“Touka-chan.” He whispered, his voice laced with an undeniable happiness. “Touka-chan…”

“Yes?” She giggled and tugged him closer so that she could wrap her arms around him.

“Is this real?” Touka laughed again, kaneki beaming at the sound of her laughter, like music to his ears. “I can’t believe-”

“Shh.” She pressed a finger against his lips, dragging it down and opened his lips slightly. “Just go with it.”

“Oi,” Nishiki kicked the door. “Hurry up, your shifts aren’t over yet.”

Touka scowled, glaring at the door as kaneki leaned back. Of all times…

“It’s fine, touka-chan.” Kaneki smiled, noticing touka’s grim look. “This probably wasn’t the best time to do…This, but there’s no need to rush.”

Strangely enough, to hear such words from him was surprising. She was so used to seeing him leave, always being torn apart from each other for so long and now, he was willing to take his time, to continue this and see where it may lead. She wasn’t complaining, of course.

“Sure.” She agreed and the pair both left the room to an impatient nishiki and back into the cafe.

“When I talked about making a move, I didn’t expect you to be so sudden.” Nishiki whispered into her ear. She kicked his shin, shoving him away as she went to greet some new customers.

As she spoke, however, she noticed that kaneki couldn’t stop staring at her and every time their eyes met, he smiled ever so slightly, touka melting a little every time. All the while, nishiki continued to make vomiting noises in the background, much to touka’s annoyance.

…

They couldn’t keep themselves apart from each other, which was made evident when kaneki couldn’t stop hugging touka from behind or how he held onto her hand constantly, unable to keep himself from kissing every spot on her lovely face. He especially enjoyed watching her, even more so with how her body has changed in all the right places over the past two years.

“Kaneki.” Touka murmured against kaneki’s lips. “We still need to work.”

“I can’t help myself.” He nuzzled her and continued to hold her despite her protests. “You’re just so beautiful today.”

“Idiot. You say that every day.”

“But it’s true.” He parted slightly just to relish her flustered face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She mumbled into his chest. “Now get back to work. I’m still your boss, you know.”

As kaneki walked away, hinami stood by touka’s side, sharing a overjoyed smile with bright eyes. Hinami nudged her, but touka acted as if she had no clue what she was smiling about.

“You suit each other so well, Onee-chan.” Hinami giggled, helping touka prepare a few more cups of coffee. “He really does love you.”

Touka shrugged, but she couldn’t hide the permanent smile that was always on her face ever since she and kaneki got together. Kaneki wanted to take the relationship slow, adoring every moment they spent together. She has never felt so warmed in her heart before.

As she expected, kaneki was very affectionate, showering her constantly with everlasting kindness and wore his heart on his sleeve, never being afraid to show his love for her in any situation. What was probably the best part for her though was the fact that he was so honest with her, never hiding or faltering to come up front with her. It was as if she unlocked a whole new side of him that she didn’t knew existed before. She was glad, to say the least.

“I’ve never seen him so happy.” Hinami reminisced. “You wouldn’t know, but way back during the time I was a part of his group, he was always so distant, his mind unstable and unbalanced. It was difficult to watch at times and yet, I didn’t know what it was I could’ve done. I was so useless then, but it seemed you were able to actually do something about it.”

Hinami brushed back a strand of her hair, her eyes lowered as she bit the inside of her cheek, her thoughts wandered back into those old memories.

“And then you rescued him.” Hinami smiled almost sadly, looking back up to her older sister. “Only you could make him smile once again and I’m so happy to see you two finally get together. It’s what he needed, I think. Thank you, Onee-chan.”

“I- well-” touka stammered, unsure on how to respond, but she quickly relaxed and held hinami’s hand in hers. “You make him happy too, silly. But thank you for taking care of this idiot whilst he was gone. It’s nice…being with him, I mean. It’s helped us both.”

“Of course, but I didn’t do much in all honesty.” Hinami shook her head, but touka flicked her forehead.

“Of course you did. Now cheer up, hinami. You’ll get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that.” Hinami pouted but it wasn’t long before she sighed and was smiling once again.

“What are you two girls talking about?” Kaneki asked as he neared the two.

“Just girl stuff, nothing that concerns you.” Touka shooed him away, but her tone remained playful. “Oh that reminds me, hinami. Perhaps you might want to go into school. We can tutor you until you can pass the entrance exams. It’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now.”

“Me?’ Hinami exclaimed. “In school? I don’t know…”

“I think it’s a great idea.” Kaneki agreed, his face suddenly lit up. “You deserve to atleast experience college and maybe touka can even go with you. You didn’t even get a chance to finish college, did you, touka-chan?”

“Yes, Onee-chan. You and me could enter and study at the same time, it’ll be amazing.”

Kaneki and hinami looked so excited that it made it all the much harder for her to say the next few words.

“Kaneki, I can’t.” She shook her head. “Too many people already know my face. It’s simply too dangerous.”

Both of their faces dropped when the realisation of her words sunk in. Of course. It couldn’t be that simple.

“After all that hard work.” Kaneki winced. “And it was all wasted. If only if I could have done something then-”

“Don’t.” She grabbed his collar and pulled him forward to face her. “It was my own choice. Don’t you dare blame yourself.” She let go and took a step back and kaneki stood awkwardly as she spoke. “It’s fine, it doesn’t bother me. Besides, we have this cafe and that’s all I need.”

The three nodded and moved on from the subject, but it was clear that their conversation was still swirling in kaneki’s mind. Such a worrier.

It was late, touka exhausted from the day and changed into one of kaneki’s comfy shirts and some pajama shorts, dumping herself onto her bed and lazily dragged herself to her side of the bed. She looked up in time to see a shirtless kaneki walk into the room, his hair damp from the shower.

“You had a shower and didn’t invite me?” Touka grinned, her eyes hungrily taking in every bit of his muscled body. “How cruel.”

“You know why I didn’t invite you. Not after last time.” He crawled onto the bed and pulled touka into his arms. “Besides, you seem tired.”

He pecked kisses along her shoulder to her neck, burying his nose into her soft locks and shut his eyes. Her body was so warm against his, fitting perfectly into his arms.

“Oh right.” Kaneki said, shuffling back a little. “I saw you and hinami talking earlier and she seemed upset. Is she ok?”

Touka turned around, seeing kaneki wait patiently with a concerned look written all over his face. With a small nod, touka rested her head on kaneki’s chest and heard the rapid beatings of his heart as her hands moved up his back, feeling all the scars from past battles on his firm and toned muscles.

“She’s just feeling insecure,” touka mumbled. “You should thank her for joining you in your group back then.”

“Huh? I mean sure, of course, she means a lot to me. I hope that whatever she’s feeling will pass soon, I’d hate to see her upset on my behalf.” He mimicked touka’s actions and brushed his hands down touka’s back, the light touch making her arch slightly. “What about you? Are you feeling ok?”

“Just tired.” Though she knew what he was asking was about the discussion of rejoining school.

“Then sleep.” He pulled the duvet over them and rested his lips on her forehead.

“I don’t wanna.” She complained, but her eyelids started to feel heavier with every second. “I want to spend more time with you.”

“And you call me a sap.” He laughed. “It’s no big deal, touka. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m just scared that every time I close my eyes,” touka said after a short pause, nibbling the bottom of her lip. “I’ll open them again and find that you’re not there. That thought in itself is…terrifying.”

He looked down at her, stunned. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her grip on him tightened, clinging onto him desperately. In the past few months, touka had shared pieces of information about her past, but it was clear that abandonment was a far too common aspect of her life. In a way, it wasn’t all that surprising that she would also fear the same thing from kaneki, especially since he left her once before.

But he swore that it would never happen again. Not after he saw the pain he had caused.

“I promise you, touka.” He whispered. “I won’t ever leave you again. I promise.”

“That’s all I need then.” She smiled, looking up to press her lips against his. “Thank you.”

[fumbliesthots]

31 Things

I started this yearly tradition of reflection on my birthday and this year I’m a few day late because I had been sick on my bday which is not exactly ideal day to spend one’s bday. But this year I have been very blessed and feel so loved by people around me (I still can’t believe what my colleagues and friends did to surprise me) But first, let me list 31 things I’m grateful for (not in any particular order).

31. An able and relatively healthy body to do all the things I want to do (besides still not being able to donate blood - dammit hemogloboodles!)

30. Being financially comfortable to afford simple conveniences of the modern world. (I can afford to buy things and going on trips.)

29. The internet - where I can get to buy things online, learn new things, keep abreast what things happening in the world, and keep in contact with my friends and family.

28. Book Depository - I’m a regular customer and fan.

27. Youtube - for keeping me entertained and informed.

26. Libby - my favourite new digital library app. I’ve been reading a lot more and listening to lots of audiobooks ever since i started using it.

25. Skype - My communication portal for the nightly konbanwas with Ling-san.

24. Telegram - My communication portal for all the morning ohaiyos with Jan-chan.

23. The GUI web and digital marketing team - we’ve been meeting almost weekly to work on various things and it really feels great to be part of something and working hard together as volunteers. Even though we sometimes don’t really know what we’re doing, it’s heartening to see our efforts going into something good. Even though the future for GUI is uncertain, we hope to keep this kampung spirit going strong to impact as many people as we can.

22. Medium - An essential source of learning on various design and industry best practices. I probably owe much of my career to this blog publishing site.

21. Coffee - This year I developed a preference for black coffee. Lulu said only psychopaths drink coffee black with no sugar. I beg to differ. Or am I psycho?

20. Wireless bluetooth technology - I love my cheap $20 earphones from Lazada. I wear it to exercise at my aunty gym corner downstairs while listening to podcasts. And I wear it on my commute. It’s an any-purpose kind of earphones.

19. Long walks - I love walking around the neighbourhood by myself on weekends while listening to an audiobook.

18. Long walks with my family - This year’s Mother’s Day my fam decided to have a picnic at Punggol waterfront and after that we walked for 4 hours to Hougang. It was tiring but memorable. And I realised that once we got over the painful parental nagging part of the conversation, things can be quite pleasant.

17. Patient friends who are willing to listen to my nerdy book presentations - I make use of them to revise what i’ve learnt from the books I read.

16. My loving work family - Jessie, Shirshir, Vikas korkor, Lily, Lulu, Elwin, Shishi, Jan-chan, and of cos our boss, Pranav. They make me look forward to coming to work every day.

15. My parents - though they never outwardly express their affections but I know they care for us deeply. Despite all their nagging, it is always out of concern for us. And I like that they never complain when I bring them out to do shenanigans like climbing mountains in New Zealand.

14. Having a comfortable housing - I have lived in this flat ever since I was born. Although the walls crack and the tap doesn’t always have the best water pressure, I like having my own space in my room. And all my stuff. Though now sitting at my desk and looking around, maybe I should consider marie-kondoing...

13. Headspace - Although I don’t meditate as often as I’d like to, this app has provided my much needed companion to get into the mood. Recently I discovered their sleepcasts mode which makes bedtime much more interesting and soothing (I love that narrator’s voice)

12. Late night talkshow hosts - Thank you Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah for the entertainment that is American politics and world affairs.

11. Postcards - I love writing as much as receiving postcards from friends. It is always a delight to hear from friends who got surprised from receiving a card from me. This is such a simple gesture that can bring so much joy, I wonder why people don’t do it more.

10. Each-A-Cup - they truly are the most underrated bubble tea shop. I appreciate that they brew every cup with tea leaves on the spot per order. My all-time favourite order is hot earl grey milk tea, 25% sugar, no pearls. Ordered with my reusable tea mug and cup holder, of course. 

9. Apple Pay - I appreciate places that accept digital payments. I now no longer have to fumble around with my wallet and holding up the queue. Although it always makes spending money much more easy and I have to be more mindful about that. 

8. ReOps Slack - This is a very active online community of researchers. I’m learning so much from the conversations happening in there which is pretty useful to bring into our research team at work.

7. Vipassana - recently my parents started looking into meditation in their own way and seems like they are seeing benefits of it. I’m still hoping to get them to join a proper retreat one day.

6. Empress Porridge - I look forward to Wednesdays when they have their special chicken and century egg porridge. Which I would, of course, dabao with my container and get 50 cents off. 

5. Journal notebooks - Ever since last year’s bday (when jan-chan gave me my first book) I have cultivated a habit of writing down details about my day. This gives me space to reflect. And sometimes noting down seemingly mundane things is a good mindfulness practice in itself.

4. My job - I have stepped into a new role at work this year and I think I’m still struggling to figure it out. But someone reminded me recently that if something is easy it’s probably not worth doing. 

3. Ground-Up Initiative - This is a community where I have met so many kind, interesting, passionate, and wise individuals. I feel inspired and renewed every time I go to the kampung. This place made me feel hope years ago when I almost felt jaded about Singapore. 

2.  Being Singaporean - Despite all the complains, I still feel lucky to grow up in a country where I don’t have to worry about safety, education, political instability. And I have freedom to travel almost anywhere with this passport. 

1. My privileges - To be growing up in a stable country. To be in a middle income bracket. To receive a world-class education. To have free access to information. To be able bodied. To be bilingual in English and Mandarin. To be a designer. To be human. 

I think I should be spending more time thinking about, how can I best leverage on these privileges to drive more positive impact? Sometimes I think about how I am just one person. How can little old me be any use to the world? I am sometimes lazy, sometimes shy, sometimes fearful, and sometimes just feel not good enough. Yes, they are excuses and may seem very valid. But I try to also remind myself these other conditions that put me in better position than others in the world to do something to help improve things. 

So far in my 31 years on Earth, I wonder how much net contribution/destruction I have made. If only there is a formula and a way to track that because I think it is always useful to take stock and review our footprint on this world. But at the same time, we are all going to die one day, so does it all matter? 

Heh, morbid way to end this birthday reflection, desuyo?

[xicana-de-corazon-blog]

Cheat Payday 2

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