#besides‚ the whole point was to have a Major Big Realization that his obsession w henry wasnt purely antagonistic.

[cannibalismyuri]

hey sara when you read rwrb did you also assume alex knew he was bi up until his sexuality crisis revealed the truth to you or was it just me who labored under delusions for the first 25 percent of the book, a whole quarter of the way through, before getting the shocking surprise that alex claremont-diaz, main character of nyt bestselling debut novel red white and royal blue, by author casey mcquiston, was NOT an out and proud bisexual man?

no actually, because im not delulu like u are . anyway .

[kenbunshokus]

eggnemies to lovers

nami/vivi, zoro/sanji | 7k words  (best viewed on: ao3)

My (20F) Date (21M) keeps getting into fights with a cook at Baratie. submitted 6 months ago by u/throwawaypinwheel

(Or, the one where Sanji is a diner cook, Vivi is their waitress, and Zoro and Nami accidentally became each other’s wingman.)

Zoro glares at his plate as if his omelette has just challenged him to a duel. Nami tries her best to focus on the map she’s working on—this one’s a particularly difficult homework from her Intro to Coastal Navigation class—and pointedly does not look up.

“Holy shit,” Zoro mutters under his breath, poking at the offending egg, “Nami, I swear—”

“We are not having this conversation again—”

“I told you,” Zoro plows on, “that fucking cook is doing this on purpose.”

Nami takes a deep breath. Cartography is a delicate art, and Nami aims to be a professional. She takes her favorite pencil and elegantly traces over the coastline of Cocoyashi Village, poised and collected and calm. She’s not going to take the bait and ruin her map, no matter how much Zoro is sulking over an egg—

She sighs. “Zoro, I’m pretty sure there’s just been some mix-up with the orders.”

Zoro huffs at that, clearly disbelieving. “For the third time this week?”

“This isn’t exactly a five-star establishment,” she points out, and adds, reasonably, calmly, in an attempt to find some semblance of peace, “I doubt the cook of some no-name diner even knows your name.”

The words seem to have brought about the opposite effect, because now there’s a dangerous glint in Zoro’s eyes as he mutters, “well, he’s about to find out,” before standing up and shamelessly yelling, “ OI! COOK! ”

Nami drives the pencil through her map.

+

     r/relationship_advice

My (20F) Date (21M) keeps getting into fights with a cook at Baratie. submitted 6 months ago by u/throwawaypinwheel

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  My (20F) Date (21M) keeps getting into fights with a cook at Baratie.

submitted 6 months ago by /u/throwawaypinwheel

 I know this sounds really weird, but here it is:

This guy and I have been on a couple of dates. We’d been friends long before we started trying this going out thing, so he isn’t a total stranger to me, and I’ve long known him as a pretty calm guy. Chimes in once a week in the group chat, grunts a lot during conversations, you know — one of those quiet, meditating types. He’s only competitive when it comes to his favorite sport (he’s a professional kendo athlete), but other than that he tends not to care about what other people think about him. I’ve never seen him respond to anyone’s taunts or getting worked up by a stranger’s words.

Except at Baratie.

Any time we’re out he wants to go to this diner called Baratie down in Grand Line. I don’t really care about the food, but the tables there are big enough for me to do work (Maritime Science major here—lots of stationeries and large maps to work with). But that became impossible once he and this one cook started chirping at each other every time we went there. Date complained about his eggs one time, because he likes them a little runny and they were served hard. The cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs. When he brought it up again, the cook served him two hardboiled eggs. It was kind of funny to be honest, but my date wasn’t able to laugh it off. When we left, he was in a bad mood.

This is the crazy part: he keeps going back.

In fact, he keeps going back and ordering eggs and getting into fistfights with the same cook. It’s almost a ritual at this point. He orders runny eggs, the cook serves him some other version of eggs, and then they beat the shit out of each other. We never eat out at any other places now; it’s just Baratie every fucking week. Sometimes he even goes there without me. 

I’ve tried to talk to him about it a few times, but he keeps saying it’s a matter of principle. I’ve told him to just talk to the manager, but he just waved me off. Apparently that cook hasn’t yet made him the correct runny eggs, but it’s like he spends the week learning new ways of preparing eggs to piss my date off.

My question is — this is weird, right? Like, I’m not really concerned about the fighting part — he’s never been physical with me and I never once felt threatened by him — but what’s with the obsession ? They’re just eggs, aren’t they?

Is this indicative of something deeper? Should I reconsider going exclusive with this guy?

 +

 When Nami looks up from her map this time, Zoro has already stalked off to the kitchen. This isn’t new or remarkable in any way, except the fact that he almost ran into one of the waitresses, who immediately clutched her tray against her chest and watched his retreating back warily.

Zoro didn’t even spare her a glance. What a brute. Nami’s going to add to his debt later for that.

“Hey,” Nami calls out towards the waitress, waving at her to come by her table, “I’m sorry, uh…” 

“Vivi,” the waitress fills in with a polite smile.

“Right, Vivi—I’m Nami,” Nami replies, finding herself nervous all of a sudden, because up close like this, holy fuck is the waitress so pretty, with long blue hair and silver-sharp eyes. Nami clears her throat. “Uh, I just want to say sorry about his—his whole deal with your Cook. Zoro—that’s his name—he’s usually really chill, so I don’t know what’s happening here.”

Vivi thankfully chuckles at that, seemingly finding the situation more hilarious than threatening. Good. There’s also something about that laughter that makes Nami feel like she’s fourteen again, full of butterflies and all too small for everything, but she tries not to think too hard about that yet.

“In your friend’s defense,” Vivi says, “Sanji is usually really good with memorizing orders, so he’s totally messing with your friend on purpose.”

As if on cue, the cook’s voice—Sanji’s—rings out from the kitchen. “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, MOSSHEAD, I TOLD YOU THE KITCHEN’S OFF LIMITS FOR CUSTOMERS —”

Nami finds herself laughing with Vivi. “You know, it’s actually impressive that Zoro doesn’t get lost on his way to the kitchen anymore.”

Vivi raises her eyebrow. “Nami, the kitchen door is right there.”

“It’s Zoro,” Nami presses, because it’s always fun to see strangers learn about Zoro’s disastrous relationship with directions and maps for the first time. “One time, during our junior high sports festival, he got lost on the running track. For a hundred-meter race .”

That earns her another laugh from Vivi as she takes a seat beside Nami, body leaning forward in curiosity, “really? Is he short-sighted or something? Can’t he just—I don’t know, literally see the finish line?”

“Here’s the thing you need to know about Zoro,” Nami begins, and watching the way Vivi’s soft hair falls over the slope of her shoulder, bright blue and blinding despite the dim lighting of the diner, Nami somehow can’t find it in herself to be mad at Zoro anymore.

 +

 u/salveshine • 492 points  6 months ago

This seems like an obvious question, but I have to ask: have you considered going somewhere else for your dates? Most people don’t go to a diner for dates in the first place.

/u/throwawaypinwheel • 23 points  6 months ago

Well, as I said on the original post, it’s downright an obsession at this point. Asking him to go somewhere else doesn’t solve the problem since he’d just go there on his own on a different day.

Also, the waitress there is nice. She’s been keeping me company throughout this whole thing. She’s a godsend.

 +

 Vivi appears by her table as soon as Zoro disappears into the kitchen.

“Again?” Vivi asks by way of greeting.

“Again,” Nami agrees, scooting to the side of her bench to give Vivi space to sit. “It’s eggs benedict this time. Perfectly poached. I went to this fancy restaurant a few weeks ago, and they didn’t even make it this good.”

Somewhere from what presumably is the kitchen, Zoro’s frustrated voice echoes throughout the whole diner. “Now you’re not even serving me eggs anymore!”

“What are you—“ there is a moment of stunned silence before Sanji‘s reply comes, equally loud, dripped with utter disbelief. “Are you fucking serious? You thought this wasn’t made of—you’ve never seen scotch eggs before?”

“SHUT UP,” Zoro yells back.

Nami cranes her neck out of instinct, wishing to catch a glimpse of the scene from the window behind the counter—she’s never heard Zoro sounding so flustered before—but Vivi’s voice, small and low and far from the confident tone Nami has started to get used to, pulls her attention back.

“I’m sorry.”

It takes another moment before the words fully register in her brain. “Wh—for what?”

“I mean,” Vivi says, twiddling with her fingers as she mumbles, “this is supposed to be your date.”

“My date?” The question already falls out of her mouth before she realizes, oh. Oh. This is supposed to be a date, because her and Zoro are…well. Sometimes she doesn’t even remember that part—they’re certainly not acting the part, considering they’re hanging out with other people during these ‘dates’. Nami understands, rationally, that she should be mad about this; and yet— “It’s fine. I’m not that bothered.”

Vivi blinks. “You’re not?”

“Nah,” Nami says, waving her hand dismissively, feeling as surprised as Vivi looks. “Well, when it comes down to it, it’s still free food, you know? Could’ve been better—no offense, but a family diner isn’t exactly date material—but considering the menu and ingredients you guys have to work with? Sanji’s practically been making feasts fit for royalty here.”

“Well, I still think you deserve to be treated better during a date,” Vivi crosses her arms and—is that a pout on her face? “Don’t you feel a bit lonely?”

“No?” Nami replies, taken aback. That’s literally the furthest thing on her mind, because— “I have you, don’t I?”

Nami feels her face heat up as soon as the words left her mouth, because that sounded way more presumptuous than she intended. She meant to say, I have you to keep me company , like a friend , in a totally friend platonic way. Except they were talking about dates in a decidedly very romantic way and she should totally take it back—

Vivi beams at that, the kind that makes her look like she’s glowing inside her skin, and never mind, Nami’s not taking it back. Nope. She’s never taking it back even if someone’s paying her a million berries to take it back.

Vivi takes Nami’s hand from the table and holds it in both of her own, and Nami’s heart trips in her chest.

“Yeah,” Vivi says, the words sending a low hum under Nami’s ribcage. “Yeah, you have me.”

 +

 /u/mettlemental • 301 points  5 months ago

This is their ritual. Do not interfere.

/u/throwawaypinwheel • 279 points  5 months ago

You know what, I think you have a point. This thing between me and the waitress is also a ritual now, so we’re even.

 +

 “Shishishi!” Luffy laughs, eyes practically sparkling. “Sanji is so cool!”

“No he’s not!” Zoro pinches Luffy by the cheek to try to drag him away from Sanji. “I brought you here to defend me!”

“But Sanji’s the one making me delicious meat right now,” Luffy pouts, seemingly unperturbed by the potential disfigurement of his own face, gaze still rooted on Sanji—or, more specifically, the food Sanji is carrying on a tray. “What can you make, Zoro?”

Sanji lights up his cigarette, expression hidden behind his hands, but his whole body visibly puffs up like a peacock. Nami notices how the tips of his ears have turned red. “Finally, someone with taste.”

Zoro tries to grab the tray away from Sanji’s hand, and Nami watches Vivi masterfully maneuver between the messy cacophony of the trio, placing a tall stack of waffles in front of Chopper.

“This doesn’t make me happy at all!” Chopper says, his words nowhere near convincing, considering he’s saying it with the largest grin Nami has ever seen on a fourteen-year-old. “Did Sanji make this one, too?”

“He did,” Vivi says as she takes a seat beside Nami, as she always does. The table settles into a comfortable silence as Chopper digs into his waffles and Vivi absentmindedly plays with the salt shaker, observing the idiot trio from a distance.

“They sure get along fast,” Nami says as she takes out her cartography tools, and Vivi’s gaze sweeps between Luffy, Chopper, and the maps on the table.

“You’re not even trying to have a date anymore, aren’t you,” she points out.

“Nope,” Nami agrees, gesturing to Chopper with her pencil. “Chopper here wanted to try the waffle for a long time ever since I told him all about Sanji.”

“Please tell Sanji I love it!” Chopper adds around a mouthful of sugar.

“And Luffy’s been really curious about you two anyways.”

One table away, Luffy took the last bite of whatever meal Sanji just served, and dramatically announces, “this one’s better than the last one!”

“You always say that after every plate,” Sanji mumbles, but shoves another plate towards the kid anyways, clearly preening from the praises.

“It wasn’t even that good,” Zoro adds desperately, and scowls when Sanji chooses to watch Luffy eat another serving with the same gusto like he did the first one. “Oi—don’t ignore me, Shit Cook!”

It’s...fascinating. Nami never had a habit of watching Zoro—those activities are reserved for those fangirls in their university who barely know him—but she finds herself unable to look away whenever they’re at the Baratie. Whenever he’s with Sanji, to be precise. The chef seems to have brought out so many different sides of Zoro she’s never seen before in all the years she’s known him, and that’s saying a lot, considering she’s known Zoro for a decade.

Zoro has always been a steady presence in her and Luffy’s life ever since he moved into their neighborhood when she was shy of turning ten; he is strong-willed and loyal and eternally dependable, like a safe place they can always come back to. He can be a little hard to read, quiet and reserved as he is, but these days Nami knows where to look, the telltales hidden in the way he straightens his back and carries himself.

But with Sanji, Zoro is—he’s all those things still, sure. But he’s also— so much more. There’s suddenly this— kid, lively and boyish and so, so easy to read. Open book, heart on his sleeve. He grins and yells and throws his punches, and Sanji would take them in stride and return them as easily. This Zoro pouts when Sanji doesn’t pay him attention, and scowls when he does; and when Sanji makes him laugh, it’s a loud, open thing.

Sometimes it feels as if the Zoro she knew was an impostor all along. As if there was a pale imitation of Roronoa Zoro with a ghost of a smile, and he’d only come alive in the middle of a fucking diner.

And the worst part of it all is—

“You two?” Vivi suddenly mumbles, seemingly to herself. 

Nami tilts her head. “Yeah?”

“You were saying something about Luffy being curious about… us two ,” Vivi says. There’s an odd, pensive look on her face. “Are you talking about Sanji and…”

“You, of course!” Nami cuts in, perplexed.

“You told your friends about me?” Vivi wonders, and it’s baffling. Of course Nami told her friends about Vivi. Sometimes Nami thinks Vivi is all she could talk about. She’s hilarious and smart and a thousand times more interesting to talk about than Sanji and Zoro combined.

That’s a really weird thing to suddenly spring on someone though, so Nami instead says, “Vivi, you’re the best thing about these weekly visits, because that sure as hell isn’t.”

She’s pointing at the dumbass trio; somewhere along the way, Luffy has seemed to fall asleep, and Sanji is smiling at the boy’s sleeping form, looking very pleased with himself. Zoro is fuming behind him, arms crossed and chest puffed, like a child being forced to share his favorite toy.

Vivi laughs at the sight, shaking her head. “Well, boys will be boys.”

The words bury itself uncomfortably in the pit of Nami’s stomach.

Boys will be boys—which is why sometimes (oftentimes, many times, always) Nami thinks she’s much more easily enamored with girls. Nami supposes there is a certain charm in Zoro’s brutish ways, but she’s beginning to learn that it may not be for her—Nami appreciates people who can hold their own in a fistfight, but there is also strength in reigning yourself in despite the circumstances, the way she’s seen Vivi handle difficult customers with a firm tone, graceful and dangerous at the same time.

(What could this mean, then? For her, for them—)

Zoro and Sanji have started fighting animatedly again. Roronoa Zoro, his heart on his sleeve.

And the worst part is that Nami doesn’t even care.

 +

 /u/sorcatarius • 334 points  4 months ago

I usually appreciate it when OP updates their posts with recent developments because I’m one of those people who get easily invested in a stranger’s life story, but is it just me or do all of these updates seem irrelevant? Most of them are about the waitress. I feel like I’m learning nothing about the actual date here. Who’s dating who again?

/u/NeonRain15• 137 points  4 months ago

OP is clearly a troll lol.

 +

 They are sitting at a corner table in front of the door to the kitchen, because Franky and Robin aren’t even pretending they’re here for the food instead of a show. Usopp told them he would rather ‘see where the danger is coming from ’, but Nami suspects the real reason is something closer to morbid curiosity.

Nami doesn’t fault them. It certainly is hard to look away from what those two clowns are currently doing: Zoro is waving a spatula and a frying pan like he would his kendo swords, clearly breaking several kitchen-related OSHA rules in the process; Sanji puts out his cigarette against the counter—seriously, has nobody here heard of proper kitchen etiquette—and swings his leg in a drop kick.

There’s a loud CLANK as his shoe comes into contact with the pan.

Franky whistles. “That’s super awesome, bro!” He cheers, before turning back to the table with a lower voice, “Seriously, how have they not fired Sanji-bro already?”

“Other than the fact that he’s overqualified as hell?” Usopp asks in between spoonfuls of Sanji’s fried rice.

“Well, they do provide a wonderful source of entertainment for us customers,” Robin observes.

“Sure thing,” Franky replies, “but they’re totally destroying kitchen appliances right now, I mean, look at that roller. There’s no way any normal wood could withstand that —there it goes.”

“Let them be—what’s the worst that could happen?” Robin muses. “Other than a kitchen accident that leads to a gas explosion and the restaurant burning down to the ground, obliterating all of us in the process, of course.”

“Robin,” Usopp squeaks.

Inside the kitchen, the tables have turned—Sanji has somehow regained possession of his kitchen appliances, and he’s now teaching Zoro how to cook. They’re standing shoulder-to-shoulder, heads bent over the stove, and Sanji would occasionally wrap his hand around Zoro’s wrist to instruct him.

Zoro looks like he’s going to spontaneously combust. His eyes are darting between Sanji’s hands (still lightly gripping Zoro’s wrist), Sanji’s face (dangerously close to Zoro’s own), and Sanji’s lips (there’s something there, something he wants to do and Nami knows if she thinks hard enough she can put a name on it) —anywhere but the food they’re actually cooking. Zoro’s own face is now redder than the tomatoes lining up the kitchen counter.

Heart on his sleeve, Nami thinks. Open book, open book.

“I’m going to get some refills,” she announces, suddenly feeling like she’s intruding on something private and practically leaps towards the soda station. She could feel a pair of curious eyes on her back—Robin’s, no doubt—but she’s more distracted by another presence currently standing beside her.

“Hey,” Vivi says, voice light, teasing. She’s carrying a lot of cups on her, presumably the others’, and she bumps her shoulder against Nami’s playfully. Nami could feel the touch fizzle against her skin.

“Hey,” Nami replies, trying to pretend that the close proximity doesn’t bother her at all. “‘Sup?”

Vivi wordlessly helps her with the drinks, and they easily fall into comfortable silence, filling cups after cups, until Vivi nudges her again. “You know, Usopp was right about Sanji being overqualified.”

Nami fills Franky’s cup slower, wondering where the conversation is going. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. You know, I have a secret,” Vivi says, tone playful, but when Nami looks up there’s something in her eyes. “Actually, I own this place.”

Nami stops filling the cup. “What?”

“I mean, it’s mostly on loan, and I’m not halfway done with the payments, but technically, yeah,” Vivi says, tucking her hair to the back of her ear in a nervous gesture. “I didn’t really want to tell anyone because it’s not like I wanted a special treatment from the patrons. And I am effectively a waitress here.”

Nami is suddenly reminded of all the instances when she called Baratie a no-name diner right to Vivi’s face, and feels her stomach sink. Holy shit, she called it a dumpster fire just last week.

Vivi must have noticed Nami’s mental breakdown, because she quickly waves her hand and laughs. “No, no, don’t worry about it—I know we’re still a work in progress. Especially ever since—”

Vivi trails off at that, suddenly looking unsure. She starts collecting all the cups, like she’s giving Nami a reason to back out of the conversation. “It’s kind of a boring life story, actually, I’m sorry for dumping that all to you out of the blue—”

“Vivi,” Nami says, placing a calming hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t usually do this; she knows, better than most, how heavy one’s past could be, and she hates it when people try to pry into hers. But Vivi is looking at her with sad eyes and unsteady hands, and suddenly Nami wants nothing other than to tell her, “I’ll drop this if you don’t want to talk about it, but remember this: I will always want to know more about you.”

She places her hand on Vivi's arm, for emphasis. “I will always want to support you.”

It takes a moment before her words sink in, and Nami could see the moment it does, Vivi’s eyes widening in surprise as her face breaks into a slow-starting smile. “Thank you, Nami,” she whispers, and it’s almost reverent.

Nami’s gaze falls onto Vivi’s lips, and suddenly it’s become very difficult to maintain a conversation.

She wonders how she’d look now, to an outsider. Flushed face and a stupid smile on her face, hands fidgeting with her own hair. Open book, open book . Could they hear, she wonders, the way her heart is hammering against her ribcage—would they find out—

Robin claps her hands together, snapping Nami out of her reverie. The whole group is already standing by the door, waiting for her, and god, how long have they been talking by the soda station again?

“Perhaps we can take the drinks another day. Time to go home, don’t you think?” Robin suggests. Her tone is light, but her gaze is heavy, and Nami has to resist the urge to curl into herself.

Zoro still stares at the kitchen, oblivious to the tension. “Yeah,” he says, almost in a daze. “ Shit — yeah.”

Shit, indeed.

 +

/u/Lanzifer• 975 points  5 months ago

This is a love story.

 /u/nashdezus • 307 points  3 months ago

I hate to break it to you but I think your boyfriend is in love with the cook. If this is fake you have written one of the greatest gay romances of this generation, if this isn’t fake I dunno what.

 /u/ParkNight • 399 points  3 months ago

Your BF needs to cut to the chase and invite the cook over to your place for some eggs and rough sex.

 /u/Cod3Man • 760 points  4 months ago

He has a crush on the cook & vice versa but they’re both living a lie so they fight because it’s the only way to release the sexual tension. Every different way of cooking an egg represents a different sex act.

 /u/jakubada • 523 points  3 months ago

Girl, not to wish ill will on your relationship, but you should bang that waitress instead.

 +

 “Have you ever heard of Baroque Works?”

Nami pauses. She places her pencil away, knowing that Vivi deserves nothing less than her full attention.

It’s only been a couple of days since the conversation she had with Vivi, but Nami can’t get her mind off of it. She’s been coming to Baratie every single day now after college, and it’s just so convenient that Zoro suddenly refuses to go. It’s simply harder to have Vivi open up when someone else is around, and not because there are other reasons. Like wanting Vivi all to herself. No sire.

She shakes herself out of the dangerous train of thoughts. “Baroque Works? Isn’t that the new restaurant chain down the block? It’s the one that’s taken over that other chain, right? Uh, what was it called—”

“Alabasta,” Vivi supplies, before sighing. “That’s the chain my family used to own.”

Nami blinks. “Wait, you used to own Alabasta?”

Running a diner on her own at her age is already an impressive feat in and of itself, but Alabasta is a whole different beast. It’s a nation-wide chain with dozens of restaurants, and owning the chain is probably equivalent to owning a small empire.

“Oh, no, I mean, my family did,” Vivi quickly adds, ever humble. “It’s not exactly anything impressive. My grandfather ran the business before my father did, and his father was the one who started it—it was passed down the generations, and I was simply born into it.

“As you said, Alabasta went down a few years ago because my father struck a bad deal with a ruthless businessman. It is clear now, in hindsight, that Crocodile was tricking us, but we were naive and perhaps a little too eager to expand. Baroque Works took over, and we were left with the only branch they deemed the least profitable—here.”

“And you renamed it to Baratie?”

“That was Sanji’s idea,” she says, a small smile playing on her lips; it is clearly a much fonder memory than what that businessman—Crocodile—did to her and her family. “At the time, Sanji just moved to Grand Line. His father had a restaurant back in East Blue with the same name, and he told me he would help me build everything back from the ground up. We would borrow the name, acting like we’re a branch of Baratie, and I can rename it back to Alabasta once I can settle all the legalities with Baroque Works.”

Everything slowly falls into place now—the way Sanji is clearly trained to cook dishes much more sophisticated than waffles and scrambled eggs, the freedom he gets to be able to mess around with Zoro, and his close camaraderie with Vivi.

Nami feels a pang of—god, jealousy, if she dares to put a name on it—towards Sanji; for being able to stand by Vivi’s side when she needed it the most. It’s silly, because Sanji has always been kind to her, and it’s not like it was Sanji’s fault that Nami didn’t know Vivi until recently, but the feeling gripped her like a vice anyway, heavy and suffocating.

Vivi seems to have taken her silence wrongly, though, because she looks away, almost shamefully. “You must think this is all stupid.”

“Of course not,” Nami immediately retorts without missing a beat. She thinks of Bellemere, holding her head high despite the judgments from the neighbors. She was alone and penniless, countless doors slammed close in her face just because she was a single mother; but none of that stopped Bellemere from sending Nojiko and Nami to the best school in the neighborhood

So Nami tells Vivi what she has always wanted to tell Bellemere, and what she knows to be true of Vivi, of any women in her life who has never backed down from adversity— “You’re amazing.”

Vivi blinks, cheeks coloring at the words. It takes her a moment before she can reply with a shaky, “Yeah?”

“Yeah? Vivi, you’re—” Nami turns her body to face Vivi fully, grabbing her by the arms, “—you’re the strongest, most hard-working person I’ve ever known. Most people in your shes would’ve turned tails and run.” 

Vivi flushes further. It’s the first time Nami has seen her flustered, really cute, actually. And the fact that Nami is the one who put that expression on her face —

“Are we intruding on something?”

Nami almost jumps from her seat, suddenly feeling like she’s five again, getting caught with her hand halfway into the cookie jar. Vivi is scrambling to her feet from her side, cleaning imaginary dust from her uniform as she stammers, “no, of course not! I’m sorry, sir—sirs , can I take your order?”

Nami looks up to see Jinbe laugh and wave at her, signaling her to calm down. Brook is standing right behind him, giving Nami a small wave. “What do you serve?”

Nami tries to return to her map as Vivi starts rattling off the menu, but Brook—wise, old Brook, with his soft voice and observing eyes, goes, “No Zoro this time around, hm?”

Her pen stills. There’s nothing accusatory in Brook’s voice—he would never, none of their friends would never. But she waits for Vivi to be off with their orders still before replying, arms crossed across her chest almost defensively. “What is it to you, old man?”

She realizes a little too late that it’s an awfully rude response, but Jinbe simply laughs. “Old men, aren’t we, Brook?”

“Certainly older than most,” Brook agrees, eyes shining in mirth, not offended the least. “Hopefully wiser, too.”

“Well, sometimes,” Jinbe says, turning to Nami, “old men like us have the fortune—or the misfortune, some may say—to have loved and lost.”

Nami isn’t quite sure where the conversation is going, but there’s grief carried by Jinbe’s voice, and what comes out is, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all long past, miss,” Jinbe dismisses, not unkindly. “More importantly, what I’m trying to ay is, you and Zoro might have been looking at the wrong places. Love, that is. But there is time to rectify this—isn’t that what you young people have? Time”

Nami sits still, stupefied.

She has the suspicion that Robin knows, but Robin has always had her ways. For Jinbe to notice? Jinbe, who would rather talk about his fishing trips than to gossip? How obvious has she been?

(Open book, the thought resurfaces, unbidden. Heart on her sleeve—)

“Though, Nami?” Brook suddenly says, snapping Nami out of her own reverie.

She suddenly realizes that it’s just the two of them on the table, Jinbe already wandering around after imparting her with some advices. She clears her throat, trying to get her bearings. “Yeah?”

“I have to disagree with our dear Jinbe, I must say. We have loved and lost, but,” he takes her hand and guides it to rest on her heart.

“To love,” Brook says, voice steady, sure as a day. “Is never a misfortune.”

 +

     r/AmITheAsshole

Realizing I am a lesbian while dating a guy. AITA? submitted 2 months ago by u/throwawaypinwheel

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   Realizing I am a lesbian while dating a guy. AITA?

submitted 2 months ago by /u/throwawaypinwheel

I’m a girl who has gone through a couple of dates with a dude, but I’m falling in love with another girl. Like, I’m having a gay crisis right now. I’m not actually cheating since we haven’t decided to be exclusive yet, but he’s also a childhood friend, so it makes me wonder if this is a dick move? 

To make matters more complicated: my date? Friend? Sort of boyfriend? He seems to have fallen in love with someone else too, and it’s another guy, so he might be gay, too.

Yes, I know bisexuality exists. Can’t exactly speak about him but I think I’m not that, so it’s not like I can suck it up and date him instead. AITA?

  [deleted] • 725 points  2 months ago

Aren’t you the OP of that one viral post from r/relationship_advice about the Baratie cook?

/u/throwawaypinwheel • 2324 points  2 months ago

Yes, and that’s relevant, how?

 /u/alohci • -20 points  2 months ago

LOL you’re clearly a troll. This isn’t r/CreativeWriting, go write your romance novel somewhere else. I’m reporting you to the mods.

 /u/cheesus32 • 1739 points  2 months ago

This is better than most shit on Netflix right now

 /u/veloace • 1641 points  2 months ago

Communication is key, OP. Sexualities aside—which is a topic for another day—isn’t this essentially a case of the two of you wanting different things from the relationship?

 +

 Nami takes a deep breath and checks her phone for the time.

She sees the 1:00 displayed on the screen. Her appointment with Zoro is supposed to be on twelve thirty, which means she’ll have another 30 minutes as Zoro gets lost on the way to Baratie as usual. One hour was his record.

She takes another deep breath and sighs.

This is it. She’s going to tell Zoro the truth.

It’s rare for her, to be so nervous around Zoro, but in her defense, it’s not like there’s an easy way to say, “hey, sorry, this may come out of nowhere but I’m breaking things off between us. Apparently I’m a lesbian and I’m also in love with the waitress at the place where we’re supposed to be going on dates in. It’s not you, it’s me.”

...Nami really needs to work on her delivery.

Her heart stutters in her chest as the automatic door slides open and Zoro walks in with the grim determination of a soldier going into battle. Perhaps Zoro is more perceptive than she’s giving him credit for. She hopes so—it surely will make this whole sort of-break up easier for the both of them.

She has run her line over and over again in her head, but nothing has prepared her to see Zoro sit down across the table, bow down, and says, “I’m sory, but I don’t think this is working out for us.”

She blinks. Wait. Wait—“ You're breaking up with me?”

“Luffy thinks we’re having a fight because we’ve been acting weird around each other ever since we tried out this whole dating thing, and hell, Nami, he’s right—I’ve seen you less now,” Zoro plows on, oblivious to her shock. “And don’t get me wrong, you’re my best friend, and you’re still my best friend, and I want us back. The us that’s, you know, normal. Alsoimightbeinlovewiththecook .”

Oh.

That’s—oh.

Nami is pretty sure her mouth is hanging open stupidly now, but she can’t bring herself to care. “Holy shit,” she breathes, perplexed. “Reddit was right.”

Zoro finally looks up at that. “What’s red—” he seems to take in her expression for the first time since the conversation started, eyebrows furrowing. ‘Wait. You’re not mad?”

“Mad? No, Zoro, god—how could I be when you’re right?” She feels her body slumping into the chair, the weight she didn’t know she’d been carrying has suddenly been lifted. “We are terrible for each other. I have no idea what got us to agree to this.”

Zoro visibly relaxes. There’s amusement in his tone as he suggests, “the copious amount of alcohol?”

Right. They were in the middle of a drinking competition when the idea of a date came up. “You know what, in hindsight, it’s kind of crazy that we got this far with such a stupid idea.”

“I think I was running away,” Zoro admits, eyes unwittingly darting towards the kitchen. “I couldn’t—I had this thing, for the Cook, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. So I tried to make you an excuse for my cowardice.” He bows again. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, dummy, don’t—” she kicks him on the shin, forcing him to stop bowing. “Stop being all bushido on me. I wasn’t any better. I’m—in love with Vivi.”

It’s Zoro’s turn to look at her in surprise. “What, really?”

It’s comforting, in a way, that at least she isn’t so obvious that Zoro would notice. “Yeah. You’re probably too preoccupied with your pretty blond to notice, but I’ve been pretty smitten myself. And I guess I have you and your little crush to thank for dragging me here in the first place.”

Zoro blushes at that, and it’s cute—not in a way that makes her want to kiss him, but definitely in a way that makes her want to tease him until the end days. God, how did it take her so long to realize she never loved him that way?

“‘Dragging” you, huh?” Zoro seems to decide to hone in on that, probably because he could burn himself alive from embarrassment if he keeps talking about Sanji. “This place is that bad for a date?”

Nami throws her head back and laughs. “You’re the worst date ever, Zoro,” she says, in between peals of laughter. “But you’re the best wingman I’ve ever had.”

 +

 “Going on a date again this time?” Vivi asks.

Nami looks at her—really takes her in, her smooth long hair and bright smile and long eyelashes. Holy shit, she’s staring at her eyelashes. She is so fucking gay.

She clears her throat. Focus, Nami. “No, actually, uh, can we talk? Like, super serious.”

Vivi immediately straightens up at that. “Of course. Give me a moment."

She rushes towards the kitchen, probably to tell Sanji that she’ll be occupied for a moment; something pulls inside Nami’s chest at the sight, knowing that Vivi would drop everything to be by Nami’s side.

When Vivi reemerges from the kitchen, she’s no longer carrying the tray and the menu. She takes a seat beside Nami and takes her hand. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, kind of, uh,” here goes nothing. “Zoro and I broke up.”

Vivi’s free hand shot up to cover her mouth in surprise. “Oh my god, Nami, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be,” she rushes to clarify, before Vivi gets the wrong idea, “I did say we broke up, but that isn’t exactly right—I mean, we were never exclusive, Vivi. And I don’t think we were ever dating for real. Like, we’re gay.”

There’s a beat. “What?”

Okay, so Nami could  have broken the news much more smoothly than that.

“Zoro and I, uh—I’m gay. And Zoro never exactly put a label, but I’m pretty sure he never even dreamed of banging a chick, and—” she squeezes Vivi’s hand. She isn’t sure she’s doing it for Vivi or herself. “I know this is a lot, but I just—I think we were just very comfortable with each other, and since we are man and woman, we somehow thought we should date. Which is dumb, looking back at it, but we’d never fallen in love before.”

She thinks of Vivi—beautiful, fierce, kind Vivi, who carries the world on her shoulders. Vivi, whose smile lights up the whole room. “We didn’t know how different it was going to be, when it’s the real thing.”

Somewhere behind them, she can hear something heavy hit the floor in the kitchen, which means Zoro must have confessed right about now and Sanji must have dropped something from the shock.

Well, at least Vivi hasn’t dropped anything yet. 

“What I’m trying to say is,” she continues, finding newfound courage from the way Vivi looks at her—is that hope in her eyes? “Vivi, you’re the most wonderful, amazing person I’ve ever met, and you’re beautiful and pretty but I like you more than just that.” She takes Vivi’s hand in both of hers now. “Would you go out with me?”

There’s a moment as her words seem to sink in, and Nami feels her blood run cold—what if she read this whole thing wrongly? What if Vivi was straight? What if she was just trying to help out a friend, being the nice person she is?

But then Vivi’s face splits into a smile, soft and golden-warm, the white light of the overhead fluorescence illuminating her almost ethereal-like. “Yes, Nami,” she says, lacing their fingers together, “I would love to go out with you. But only on one condition.”

“Anything,” Nami says without thinking, because it’s true.

Vivi grins, and there’s a teasing edge on her voice as she says, “If you’re asking me on a date in a diner, count me out.”

“Oh my god,” Nami says, finally, finally pulling Vivi in for a kiss, “never again.”

 +

  UPDATE: My (20F) Date (21M) has left me for a Baratie cook (21M)

submitted 3 days ago by /u/throwawaypinwheel

 It’s fine though, I have a girlfriend (18F, beautiful, amazing, doesn’t get into fights with random cooks) now. Yes, it’s the waitress. Yes, you guys have told me so. I’d love to take the L, but I’m the one with a hot girlfriend here, so am I really losing in this scenario?

[demonslayedher]

Hello! I don't know if you've been asked about this before but I love your analysis and reflections and I'd love to know all your thoughts about Zennezu if you don't mind 👀⚡🎀 Thanks so much for this blog!! 😊💝

Thank you again for your patience, as well as your comments on my fics and stuff in the meantime (even on Bird Fic, kya~ thank you <3). All my thoughts, hmmmmn…. Well, clearly I am a fluffy ZenNezu shipper and ship-content creator now, but I sure didn’t start that way. This may be long and rambling and mixed between analysis and personal taste. (Actually, it turned into almost 4000 words.)

So. First a little background. I usually am not much of a shipper. The very few OTPs I have all ended in horrific tragedy, and when romance is a big focus of something I’m otherwise enjoying I usually end up not paying much attention to it in favor of all the other elements I like. This is so much more the case when you can tell they’re going to wind up happily ever after. So what happened to make me so soft and fuzzy about the Kimetsu ships, when I otherwise usually don’t have an appetite for happy fluffy romantic endings?

Three major factors: 1. I’m obsessed. 2. I love these characters and want to see anything and everything about them. 3. Romance wasn’t actually a big element at all in canon, so it left me with an appetite and curiosity for it.

Even though I figured from long ago that ZenNezu would be end game, initially I was somewhere between indifferent and put-off. As much as I love Zenitsu, and I acknowledge that Ufotable the added the “run around and chase Nezuko” bit and removed the part with Zenitsu adoringly talking to Nezuko through her box, and as much as he can be defended for being lonely rather a pervert, the fact still stands that his level of appreciation for girls makes the characters around him uncomfortable. His most cringe-worthy lines at the Butterfly Mansion are all straight from the manga, and even though he was easily one of my favorite characters by the end of my initial watch of the series, I was very put off by his “girls are all queens” surface-level comments and more disturbing pleasure he took in the presence of girls (especially when he could physically interact with them), not to mention his pathetic introduction bothering a complete stranger and displaying that he doesn’t actually take girls’ feelings into consideration.

All this made me inwardly groan, feeling bad for Nezuko, figuring they were going to wind up together because she’s a saint who can find the patience to deal with someone like that, as he clearly wasn’t going to be desirable to any of the rest of the female cast. Enjoying the series well enough despite this, it didn’t bother me terribly much, pairings happen, whatever, I have a history of ignoring them. But one day, well and deep into caring about this whole cast like they’re all my children, I realized something. Isn’t… isn’t it cute how they both get their strength from taking naps? W-wouldn’t it be cute to see them innocently take naps together? Naps to protect each other? Oh. Oh-h-h-h-h. Oh dear. Oh no, it’s cute. Oh no. OH NO.

And that was how my warming up to this pairing started, it very quickly grew into “I love these children and I want them to be happy, being with Nezuko will make Zenitsu very, very happy, I love seeing him happy, happy Zenitsu” but was still a little reserved about Nezuko. Zenitsu was going to make her happy, right? It wasn’t just going to be a case of Nezuko having gotten fond of him over the course of everything they’ve been though, he is actually going to be her taste and make her heart go “kyun” right? Oh Nezuko, oh saintly Nezuko…

Let’s take a moment to pause here and think chronologically, though, as well as analyze their personalities and tastes. Neither of them are particularly picky, we can start there. Aside from fussy busy-bodies like Aoi, as long as it’s a girl, any girl is Zenitsu’s type. He’s desperate, and he’s painted the whole of girl-kind in pretty similar, not always realistic rosy colors. Even though he’s been used and abused by so many girls in his past, it’s his desire to believe that each new one he meets will fit that rosy imaginary color he paints over them that he chooses to let himself be duped, because he really is that lonely. I’ll give him that, sure, he’s a healthy young man with an interest in physical touch, but his dream in Mugen Ressha gives a good indication of what he’s really looking for: companionship, someone who likes spending time with him, someone who will find him useful and believe in him and look to him for protection, someone who likes him enough to spare him the physical intimacy of simply holding his hand. This is all an extension of what Zenitsu desires as whole, hoping he can better himself enough to be reliable and valued in general. Picturing it in the form of a significant other is one very vivid way to focus all those feelings, resulting in that rosy ideal which Zenitsu probably knows in his heart of hearts is too good to be true. That’s why he probably doesn’t think he’s ever going to find it, and therefore why he’s all over any slightest chance of attaining it.

My gosh, if being abandoned over and over isn’t enough, the fact that none of the girls he dated in the past were ever willing to even hold his hand hurts so much.

Nezuko, though, grew up in a secure family with a good relationship to observe between her parents. She probably always envisioned growing up to be like her mother, the quintessential “good wife, wise mother” (a phrase coined later on in the Taisho period to idealize the traditional roles of a woman). She cooks and cleans and sews and the first fanbook even tells us she was good at using an abacus, so she can handle family finances like a pro. Her traditional values probably made her tastes pretty standard, hoping for a reliable protector, but also someone who might be as kind as her father and her brother. But as for what makes her heart go doki-doki? The extra comic at the end of volume 3 tells us that she does long since have a type, it’s a person who’s like a Hisha.

Hisha: a chess/Shougi piece that can move an unlimited number of spaces in horizontal and vertical directions, and is crowned a dragon when it enters enemy territory.

So, yes, this is the part where we all smile and point at Gotouge and say, “I see what you did there, Wani-sensei.”

I find this reassuring; it tells me that Nezuko can find her heart squeezed at how cool Zenitsu is instead of just coming around and liking him because she was flattered by his affection and learned to see how nice he is and stuff. There are plenty of nice Demon Slayers who are strong and cool protectors, but that ZING that Zenitsu has (when he’s asleep) is something that can make her heart race. I’m all for this. I hinge so much of my ZenNezu feelings on this Hisha comment.

The second fanbook states that Nezuko initially had trouble sorting out her memories, and because Zenitsu gave her two such different impressions, it felt like memories of two different people, but over time the memories overlapped to form one complete person. We could say that she and Zenitsu had two first meetings.

Initially, when she was in the box, her little demon heart did go doki-doki; it was the first time a boy besides her brother had protected her, so even though Oniichan is Number One in her heart for the general duration of canon, this encounter was sure to leave a flattering impression. However, when they met face to face that night, he was just some confusing dandelion yelling and screaming about weird stuff, and then he was just a confusing (and possible bothersome) dandelion wanting to hang around her and give her flowers and stuff. It’s anyone’s guess just how “there” Nezuko was at this stage, as she does seem to gain back more of her own will and thought processes over the course of the series, rather than being guided by very, very simple rules to govern her behavior.

Zenitsu feel in love at first sight, and the second fanbook tells us he asked Tanjiro about her human personality, seeing as she wasn’t fully there. He was initially doubtful that anyone so perfect as Nezuko could exist and figured Tanjiro must had been biased and therefore exaggerating, but can we blame Zenitsu for being a smidge guarded? He’s been let down a lot, after all.

We know from Taisho Secrets and side novels that Zenitsu spent a lot of time with Nezuko during their long recovery at the Butterfly Mansion. Even how much more thought we see Nezuko display in the Train arc, she probably underwent a lot of mental development in this time, and my guess is that due to how much he interacted with her, this is probably when Zenitsu went from being a strange dandelion to a strange companion. She probably focused more on the goldfish and the pretty flowers (which he did take her to see!) and any flattering mention of her brother, though. Zenitsu, I’m relieved to say, seemed to genuinely care about what would make Nezuko happy instead of selfishly assuming something like “she likes me too, she wants to marry me.” But knowing Zenitsu, he probably assumed that her willingness to spend time with him was an indication of being willing to talk marriage once she was more herself again, though.

Let’s pause here and put on our Oniichan goggles, though. Early on, Tanjiro has to insist to just about everyone that Nezuko is still her own person with her own thoughts and feelings. Being a demon has taken a lot of her freedom to act on her true nature away from her, but he knows she’s still in there and he treats her like an equal human being. He had to watch over and over as people see his sister and only think, “demon.”

And then there’s his friend Zenitsu, who looks at her and thinks, “girl. Girl! Girl. Girl. Sweet girl, adorable girl, best girl in the world.” And maybe that’s a little bothersome, but yes, someone gets it!! Someone understands! Even though Tanjiro’s initial concerns are keeping Nezuko from being bothered by unwelcome advances, as long as Zenitsu is willing to respect that Nezuko is not entirely able to speak for herself now, he seems pretty approving of Zenitsu (provided Nezuko decides she likes him back). I’d like to think there was an unspoken promise between bros on what boundaries to follow. Besides that, Tanjiro believes in Zenitsu a lot more than Zenitsu believes in himself, so Tanjiro probably wasn’t worried about the “strong protector” role a future husband should fulfil. Or at least, Tanjiro doesn’t seem concerned once he gets to know Zenitsu, he’d have rejected Zenitsu flat-out on that first meeting. Zenitsu, you are so lucky Tanjiro is so forgiving.

However, for as much as Zenitsu sees Nezuko as “GIRL!! Girl, girl, girl!”, he’s still got his rosy vision that conveniently clouds out any disturbing realities. She is, after all, a demon.

This is something Zenitsu never actually had the chance to struggle with, and I would have really liked to see him challenged by that reality a bit more. He never witnessed Nezuko’s berserker mode, nor did he ever see her struggle to keep from eating someone, he wasn’t even awake to watch her fight like a violent animal/angry toddler on the train. Had there been a scene of Zenitsu forced to face how terrifying she had potential to be, it would had really sold his commitment to Nezuko specifically, instead of only Nezuko as his most likely girlfriend candidate.

On the train, Nezuko has the good fortune of seeing another side of Zenitsu, getting one hell of a doki-doki moment. As she’s gaining more self-awareness back, it probably made those doki-dokis more complex too. While I understand there wasn’t a good opportunity to fit in the pace of the story, I love that Taisho Secret of her concerned about him before he wakes up. Instead of him just being that boy who shows her pretty things and says nice things about her Oniichan, this is when he starts becoming something a little more unique among all the people whom little demon Nezuko has bet and who have been nice to her.

In the months that follow, we don’t get much deviation from this slow development. Zenitsu’s feelings toward Nezuko don’t really change at all, but there’s another thing about this ship: neither one chose the other over anybody else. They sort of just came together, Zenitsu gets hooked on one girl at a time, but what if someone had come along with an interest in him? At what point would he had given up on Nezuko? Probably pretty quickly, if someone was serious enough about him. It wouldn’t have been a break up either, since he was still in the pursuing stages (might be more of a break-up conversation with Tanjiro, who had been tacitly supportive).

Actually, for most of the remainder of the series, the affection that Nezuko and Zenitsu build for each other is done when they’re apart, dwelling on their thoughts of each other. For Nezuko, we see this come out after the Swordsmith Village arc in her sunlit elation to see him again, and her efforts to greet him. She very clearly recognizes him and is happy to see him, a big difference compared to how she was more elated by the sight of a fishbowl before. In Zenitsu’s case, this deepening of his affections and running away with his thoughts and feelings results him declaring once and for all, this is her. He’s found her. This is the girl who he will be committed to his whole life, in his heart she is already his wife.

When human!Nezuko is gaining her memories back, her first impressions are of the boy showing her pretty things and giving her flowers, someone who probably has a crush on her, rather than thinking back to someone who she may have had a crush on. (Those cool impressions probably hit her later, I’m assuming, given the stress of the moment.) Romance is not immediately on her mind, though she does quickly recall having friendly affection for this boy for has always been so sweet to her. And Nezuko, handling his surprising level of affection gracefully, helps Zenitsu off the battlefield while he’s in terrible pain (though she probably was too, my poor girl, that fight with demon!Tanjiro was so rough). But honestly, not only is she probably too overwhelmed by everything to think much about romance, but she probably doesn’t take Zenitsu very seriously initially. She knows he’s got a tendency to overexaggerate, and it’s nice that he’s so sweet to her, but since he acts all fluffy and silly around her she probably thinks he’s not being that serious either. Furthermore, she’s got a lot of people to suddenly care about, Zenitsu has a lot to contend with for trying to get special attention. Hell, Zenitsu was probably awake and causing a racket while she was frantic with worry that comatose Giyuu might die. While she did remake Jiichan’s haori to fit Zenitsu’s later, see spent her time in the hospital mending Giyuu’s haori (Nezuko, baby, doesn’t your hand hurt though!?). While Zenitsu was swept up in happy “Nezuko is human now, we’re totally gonna get married” feels, he probably didn’t even notice that he was only one slice in a very big pie of memories that Nezuko suddenly found in her lap and had to slowly chew and digest.

So… this brings us to the extra post-canon comic in the second fanbook, which I initially did not like very much back when it came out in February. I’ve come around a lot to it, but what really hit me at first was “oh no, Nezuko really is only going to accept this marriage because she’s a saint, he’s not being desirable at all.”

But, treating it with a little more patience and sympathy for Zenitsu… he’s just gotten what he’s always wanted, of course he’s going to stop striving a bit and get blissfully carried away in it. And Nezuko, the ever sweet, isn’t going to stop him.

Some of the other commentary in the fanbook states that Zenitsu, for a time, found himself terrified of how girls could be sweet to his face while hiding their true thoughts about him. But, finding that Nezuko was not at all two-faced, he nearly “died and went to heaven” as the exaggeration goes. He doesn’t like to work hard in the first place (but does, because it will make people like Jiichan proud), so getting away with being spoiled is too big of a temptation to resist. Nezuko is sensitive to what makes the people around her happy or uncomfortable, so she never makes any request of Zenitsu. She’s so grateful to have their new little family that her happiness is everyone else’s happiness, she doesn’t really desire a heartthrob romance, even if being a wife and mother is an eventual goal. And, without being under any pressure to make someone proud, Zenitsu gets swept away and indulges.

Thank you, Tanjiro, for putting a stop to this.

He’s still rooting for Zenitsu, since this is his friend and he knows it would make his friend happy to wind up with Nezuko, but he’s setting himself up for failure, or setting Nezuko up to be cheated out on a good match at this rate (if she were to accept out of being nice). Very, very thankfully, Zenitsu responds well to pressure. By this point Nezuko has gotten so used to sweet but indulgent Zenitsu that he seems she totally accepted that his Hisha side didn’t exist anymore, if it even existed in the first place.

Good for Zenitsu asking for her response a year later (when they’d be getting to the legal marriage ages for the Taisho period anyway), he knew he still had shaping up to do to earn her affection. And Nezuko probably needed time to build some admiration for him again, since the doki-dokis were so gone. Even if he couldn’t use that super cool Thunder Breath anymore, it would probably catch her attention to see him strive again, to put effort into being manly, specifically for her. It wasn’t just the Thunder Breath that gave her doki-dokis, it was the Hisha knight-like attitude too, whether asleep and acting on his inner potential, or awake and bravely defending her based on his own goodness and faith.

I hope that in their married life, Zenitsu will retain that sort of manliness in being a provider for her, even he does get indulged a lot at home.

Now for how this plays into some of my fanwork and headcanons:

You know how I said all my OTPs were tragedies? Yeah, I love a good dose of angst. I did start writing a single-scene fic one time of injured Zenitsu desperately trying to cover Nezuko from the sun while waiting for Tanjiro to find them, and in Nezuko’s panic about the sun she starts losing her self-control over her appetite, and Zenitsu is forced to confront that the girl he loves could very easily kill him. I never finished it, though, and it was embarrassingly self-indulgent.

For my big favorite AU of a monster fanfic, I did add more ZenNezu on the massive edit, because by this point I just enjoy ZenNezu so much that I wanted more of it. But!! What I really like about working with it in this fic is that there’s a conflict: Demon!Tanjiro. In this canon divergence, Human!Nezuko and Zenitsu get to interact more than they ever did while she was a demon, and they both already have affection for each other, but the lingering fact that Tanjiro is technically their enemy gives me some tension and angst to work with.

Yes, I wrote a One Shot of Zenitsu and Nezuko as fresh new parents, but it was a bit of a dark dive into Zenitsu’s feelings of inadequacy. But domesticity comes with some inevitable fluff anyway, and likewise it felt embarrassing indulgent, and I can’t write fluff without a little bittersweetness. M…maybe the reason I’m not a shipper is because I’m easily flustered???

I’d like to think that Zenitsu got a desk job that he worked hard at because he wants to be a provider, and Nezuko does find his hard work attractive. I headcanon it was at an electric company, because hahahaha, electricity. I’d like to think he had a long career in that company (and although his colleagues know him for having a bit of an extreme personality and being obsessed with his wife, they sometimes catch glimpses of a very, very strong side of Zenitsu—like, scarily strong), and that when he’s old and retired in the Postwar Economic Miracle, he buys a fancy camera to take pictures of Nezuko (instead of “say cheese” it’s “Thunderclap and Flash!”), and he takes Nezuko to Paris because that’s the romantic thing to do. Also, I don’t like moustaches as a rule, but I totally approve of old man Zenitsu having a fluffy moustache.

World War Two, though… I’d like to think that if his job had him in the city, he was extremely reliable when it came to protecting his family in case of bombing. I’d also like to think that this was when the Kamado family moved to the city, because Nezuko was worried about Kanao and her nieces and nephews, so Zenitsu made sure they were all together. Inosuke might had taken the opposite route and taken his family to the mountains to shelter out there in the wild.

AAAAHHHH, listen to me being so self-indulgent with headcanons, I pride myself on sticking close to canon in my fanwork, I will never produce this, AAAAHHHH, I’m embarrassed~~~~I---I’m not a shipper! No! I don’t have a shipper’s bone in my body! Who needs romance, it means nothing to me, I don’t get swept up in happy fantasies about young newlywed Zenitsu and Nezuko, really I don’t, I take what canon gives me and I stick with it, I’m here for bromance and comradery and fights to the death, I—I don’t need disgusting fluffy feelings, ew, ew, no, really-----ahhh, too flustered, too flustered, too flustered, no, no, no, no, no, no, WHEN DID I BECOME A SHIPPER, nnnnnnnnhhhhjjjj

Which is all to say that Zenitsu and Nezuko as a pairing really grew on me, even though it is essentially a fluffy happy pairing that only got surface-level interaction and was never seriously challenged. It’s got some shadows lurking in there, especially diving into Zenitsu’s heart, but in general this was a slow build-up of mutual affection between two characters with pretty simple desires of their own, and most of all, a desire to see each other happy. That makes it a good comfort ship.

And they’re both are sleepyheads, hNNNGGGHHHhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH

[plushievash]

what is it abt the riddlerr that drew u to him initially..i like his outfits:]!

thank u!!<33 what originally drew me to him?? i honestly dont know bc ive hyperfocused on him since i was a kid so i guess it was like hehe funnie green man BUT NOW? im just like enthralled by his layers how hes just so deathly afraid of being ordinary and forgettable  always having to prove to everyone (and mostly himself) that he IS exceptional and worth knowing  some of my fave things abt him is  when he was a p.i. in gotham city sirens is his uncertainty abt if he even deserved a second chance and like how he found it laughable that he was trying to go straight AND also how he acknowledge hes never really had friends but he still felt so betrayed and hurt by the sirens after being used.. like how he said hes used to it from strangers but he was hurt when they did it or in batman adventures how it showed he really has to try hard to keep his urges under control. like the whole bit where it shows him relapse but then hes snapped out of it and it shows it was all in his head and he pushes on and goes thru the rest of his day.. ooh that ones a big comfort comic and in batman confidential when king tut started leaving riddles and batman came to him thinking it was him and was basically offended bc of how “easy” the riddles were. and then just like. Begged to help bc of his pride. that comic is so fun bc he wants to team up w/ batman not really to help people but just bc another criminal stole his thing and hes just offended ! hes SO fun in that comic. and at the end when batman makes a point that he couldve taken him out right then and there but he didnt and asked why and riddler just says well it wouldve been boring bc batman /is/ the smartest person in gotham (besides him) thered be no game without him! and i LOVE that abt him. he just does things bc its fun! riddler in the arkham games is still one of my faves tho bc hes just. honestly SO pathetic. ITS REALLY interesting to me... its an interesting side to see imo in contrast to the fun riddler in batman confidential - where instead thru out the series u see a clever young man toying with the bat for a game but then he gets beaten and he obsesses over his defeats so much that it just. Consumes him. it becomes his whole life and at the end of the series hes barely even a functioning person anymore. hes so obsessed with defeating batman SO CONVINCED that batman has been cheating to win that he begins to cheat as well. and he just becomes a really pathetic and sad empty shell of a man whos wasted his life away for the respect and admiration and validation of others but he never got it because he never accepted help when it was given and just let himself fall deeper and deeper into his obsession until it was his whole life and zero year riddler OOOOH i love him bc hes right in the middle of both !! during zero year it looks like hes just taken over gotham for fun. batman psychoanalyzes him for a moment and hes annoyed. maybe bc “how dare you think im so simple” or w/e or maybe bc it hit a nerve ur not sure yet ! THEN in batman #23.2 (another major comfort comic) u get a glimpse into that ! the whole comic is abt him taking over wayne tower to get revenge on One arkham guard that wronged him. its a big intricate plan and when something sets him back slightly he loses it for a moment and he has to take a second to meditate and recollect himself. theres clearly some issues he has but ultimately he still mostly just wants to play a game with batman again then w/ year of the villain riddler showing how washed up and depressed he is... realizing hes wasted his life playing a childs game.. not sure who he is without being “”the riddler”” but now its..an embarrassing title to have and AUGHG he is complex. and i think abt him all the time anyways aaa sorry for talking so much i LOVE love LOVE riddler...

[yayninjabob]

Author Commentary

Ramblings from Yay Ninja Bob about her monstrous creation~

Besides working on my fic, I personally try to journal every day, and I realized that a lot of my journaling has become me pretty much rambling about the process of writing this damn fic lol.  So I thought I'd share some of that for those who may want to know more behind my chapters from my author's perspective. 

It's certainly not everything I can say, but it is a lot haha..

Chapter 1 - Thirteen

Behind the title:

    Well, when I first began writing VillainR, I hadn't planned on having chapter titles at all.  Mainly because coming up with chapter titles (or titles for stories in general) has always been something I struggle with personally.  Anywho after I decided I wanted to challenge myself with chapter titles, I went back and named chapter 1 "Thirteen."  Why?  Well, it is the PpG's thirteenth birthday, of course there is that.  VillainR as a whole is many things, but one major thing is it is a coming of age story for Buttercup/Joey/Jojo, as well as a story of self-discovery.   There's a few important ages I wanted to cover and 13 is around the age where many kids start to "develop" and being a super-powered kid,  Buttercup finally begins to develop her own "special power" at this age.  I wanted this "growing pain" to be the catalyst for the events of Part One.  So, I gave the chapter the title of "Thirteen" to try to highlight the significance of that age for Buttercup. The self-discovery made at this age is that special power (although they are unaware of it at this point).  It's considered an unlucky number, and as it turns out, it is an unlucky year for our main character.

During the writing process:

     First draft was written on Halloween night 2019 and pretty much all of it was completely scrapped haha. 

     I started writing it in first person, like the original Villain, in Buttercup's POV.   I kept the events but approached it again in third person and liked it so much better that way.  One major thing I wanted to improve on with the rewrite was character development which is pretty hard to achieve when writing in a limited POV of a character who eventually loses sight of much around them.  I debated briefly on maybe doing alternating POVs between Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup, but then I felt like it would still exclude a lot for other major characters like Mojo and Princess.  I could add them too but I thought alternating too many POVs would be overwhelmingly difficult (for me as the author for sure but I imagine for the reader too)  Third person seemed to be the best way to handle everything and really my only challenge with that was tweaking the whole "unreliable narrator" trope which I will be honest is my favorite trope ever. It is a challenge to try to recreate the same effect in third person, but I decided that a close third person was the best way to 1) tell a broader story and 2) still set limits on the reader's perspective, and control when and how I drop information and attempt to recreate a similar experience in an entirely new way I've never tried before heh.  (I guess I will spend more time on this on my notes for Chapter 6)

     Second draft I scribbled out in another few days with this new approach.  It began at the start of the carnival and ended where it ends.   Simultaneously I was reworking my overall outline for the fic and began to narrow down all the characters I wanted to be my key players for this epic.  Once my outline was expanded to include everyone, I added the scene with Mojo and Him.  For me, that's when I was like "Ayyy it's all coming together 👍👍" haha.

     Another thing I wanted to improve on was setting and world-building.  So final draft I decided to include some "history" behind Townsville and that's when I worked out the final draft.

    This chapter definitely had the most trial and error during the writing process than any other chapter other than 5 so far.

Inspirations:

     Townsville world-building/history - much of it is inspired by the city I grew up in (for the most part) which is Los Angeles. I mean it has all the sort of settings we've seen in the show which are all pretty diverse right?  Townville had to have a diverse cityscape ranging from a busy downtown setting to quite suburbs to upperclass mansions, beaches, an island, forests, etc.  Well I knew LA had all that and so I tried to re-imagine Townsville as basically an alternate universe LA lol. Monster Isle, I based on research I did on Catalina Island.  I imagined the Utonium household was in a middle class neighborhood like Pasadena- close to the heart of LA but still a relatively "calmer" part of the city.  Morbucks Manor would be in the Hills like Beverly Hills.  Downtown was the heart of the city like Downtown LA.  I debated briefly whether or not to have the Gangreen Gang be from an area modeled after South Central or East LA, but eventually I went with East LA because TBH I am just more familiar with it since that's where my mom's side is from and where I grew up early on in life.  PLUS East LA actually has a pretty big punk scene so that fit the story too with Ace being in a punk band and all that. 

1998 PpG Show References:

     "Oh my gosh they have giant Bunny-Bunny's at the prize tent!"

    (Super Zeroes)

Pop Culture References:

   (OK most of my pop culture refs are just punk references lets be honest lol.  Why Punk?? - because it is rebellion and rebellion is the heart of this fic)

     The Clash - OK in original Villain I established that this was Buttercup's favorite band so I HAD to have that back for the redux. Here's all the refs I crammed into chapter 1 lol:

   "Oh, Man! It's so hard to choose, like, I love literally everything by them. But I gotta say it's a tie probably between their first album and London Calling."

"Hell yeah. Jimmy Jazz is my jam."

"You know, my band does a cover of White Riot," Ace continued to talk music with the teenager as he lit his cigarette and took a deep drag. He held the smoke in his lungs as he continued, "Only we call our version Green Riot."

Blondie:

     The one artist Buttercup had introduced Robin to that she instantly obsessed over was Blondie.

(Some) Symbolism:

     - Blossom is 5'9" and Buttercup is 5'8" - Buttercup is always falling one step behind Blossom.

     - Bumper Car scene - has some foreshadowing and well...

Blossom sat behind the wheel of a red bumper car at the opposite end of the metal floored rink. Buttercup crossed her arms in protest, "No way. I'm driving." she demanded.

Blossom also crossed her arms from where she sat behind the metal wheel. "So you can just rampage and crash into everybody here? No way." She fastened her seat belt with a quick snap and placed her hands firmly on the steering wheel again.

"Ugh. That's the whole point of bumper cars! It's to bump the other cars! You're supposed to try and bump everyone before the times up!"

"You always take it too far, Buttercup. I'm driving, so get in." The redhead grasped the steering wheel in her hands firmly, and refused to move.

And...

"You drive like an old lady," Buttercup shook her head in disbelief as her sister managed to avoid yet another collision.

"Well, that's your opinion," she shrugged off the insult, "Personally, I think it takes just as much skill to avoid every single car in here, as it does to hit every single car," she smiled at her sister.

And finally a brief allusion to the OG Villain lol...

"Blossom!" Buttercup shouted louder so she could get her sister's attention. She pointed at the fast approaching purple car that zoomed towards them from their right side. Behind the wheel of that car was Bubbles who wore a rather determined look on her face as Robin cheered for her.

Blossom saw, but by then it was too late. Bubbles and Robin's car slammed into Buttercup and Blossom's car at full force, spinning Buttercup and Blossom's car into the wall of the arena. The loud buzz which signified the end of the ride then sounded.

    - the roller coaster is Buttercup's ideal carnival attraction; it's got the thrills, twists, turns, ups and downs.  And makes Bubbles sick.

     - the Ferris Wheel is Blossom's ideal carnival attraction; it's a staple of any fair, grand and big, overlooks everything, and traditionally romantic

YNB's favorite scene:

     Personally, I loved writing the whole exchange between Buttercup and Blossom in the car.  Establishing their rivalry, Buttercup's jealousy over Blossom's special power and heroism, Blossom's projection of her own insecurities, their differences, and their commonality. 

Final thoughts on the chapter:

     I was pretty satisfied with how it turned out but I did wait to post it until I had a decent headstart on chapter 2.  I was pretty nervous about whether or not I could stay personally committed to writing this fic so I just wanted to make sure I was really feeling it first, lol.  It had been so long since I'd written fanfic so I just needed to be sure.

     When I outlined everything I estimated the chapter length to be around 6-7k words... And I was surprised that it was double that at about 12k.  Which was wild because on my outline each opening chapter for Part 1, 2 and 3 were supposed to be shorter and more like preludes to everything else.  Well, I guess they ARE shorter chapters but STILL definitely longer than any chapter I used to write for my multichaptered stories.   At the time I thought "Ok obviously my writing has changed but surely I wont go much longer than 12k for future chapters...."  Hurr hurr.

     Personally, I was pretty proud of myself for spending so much time on it and rewriting it over and over and all that.  In the past, TBH whatever was my first draft was pretty much also my last draft haha.  I cranked out a chapter in one sitting usually and edited it mayyyybeee lol.  I just wanted to get it posted so I could move on and get to that next point in the story.   But I suppose now that I'm older and a bit more self aware, I realize a lot of my own anxieties manifest a lot in my writing though and I can recognize it in my old works like the OG Villain where I JUST WANNA GET TO WHAT I WANT TO WRITE RIGHT NOW OK??  I forced myself to slow the hell down this time, take it one scene at a time, and when things felt off I took breaks, slept on it for a few days and came back with new approaches or ideas.   And so far that's how I continue to work on it.

   Also, CHVRCHES.  I listened to a ton of that band while working on this chapter especially.

[sweetalnazar]

I Won’t Forget

Just another day in Muriel's life, watching over the shop and the energetic airhead apprentice living there while Asra's away. As usual. At least it was supposed to be just the usual...

4.5k words. Pre-canon. Fluff (can be read as romantic or platonic). My apprentice, Mine/Muriel/Asra.

It was a warm night, too warm for Muriel. It was still early into summer, which meant the heat would only worsen in the coming days.

The forest was always cool, shielding him from the sun’s harsh rays, but the city seemed to absorb the heat into its very stone. Even after sunset, everything felt hot and sticky. He almost wanted to take off his cloak.

But he didn’t.

People didn’t like it when Muriel took off his cloak or even just pulled down the hood. They didn’t like him much when he was wearing the cloak either, but it wasn’t as bad. Not as bad as when their eyes dropped to the mess of scars across his body or locked onto his face, their expressions pale and fearful.

At least there weren’t many people coming this way after dark.

If only the person he was waiting for would hurry up and pass through, then he could finally , finally  get home to a nice, quiet evening by the fire with Inanna.

He glanced at the door of the magic shop, almost as if it would make the apprentice living there appear. He knew staring at the door and thinking hard had never made Asra appear; Mine would certainly be no different.

He drummed his fingers against his thigh. Where in the world were they? It had been hours since they’d left the shop, hours since Muriel had tried and failed to keep up with them through Vesuvia’s crowds.

In the end, he had returned to the alley and waited.

True, Mine was often out running errands– and generally running around the place– when Asra was not around, but….had they ever been out this long? This late?

His throat tightened.

Were they alright?

No, it was Mine, sunny and careless and a little too loud, but always pulling through, regardless of the odds.

But what if, tonight was the night they couldn’t beat the odds?

No, no, it couldn’t be.

And yet...this was Mine, the one who got into bar fights and fist fights and verbal fights, all kinds of fights really. The one who came back bleeding and bruised more often than anyone liked. The one who always came back with a smile and their head held high, no matter how badly they were beaten up.

Yes, they would come back. Of course they would. Of course...

With an irritated sigh, Muriel slipped out of the alley into the street and began casting a search spell. He thought of Mine, that soft, chubby figure that could never keep still; those big brown eyes that always seemed to be laughing; that loud, clear voice that he could pick out anywhere.

He felt a twinge, a tug at the edge of his consciousness, and he let it pull him to where Mine was.

As the pull grew stronger, his worry grew deeper.

He was making his way to a dangerous part of town. It had been old and poor even before Lucio had come along. After the plague, it was nothing but crumbling brick and garbage, most of its inhabitants had either fled or died.

Now the most desperate lived here, trying to take what little shelter the ruined buildings had to offer.

Of course, Mine would end up somewhere here. Where else would they be?

Certainly not somewhere safe.

Sensible was not a word Muriel would use to describe Mine.

He stopped in front of what was maybe a government building at some point, or possibly an apartment many years ago. Much of the building was exposed, the walls falling apart. All of the windows had been smashed in, one of the frames sticking haphazardly out, threatening to fall on any passerbys. Weeds sprung out from numerous corners.

There was a brick staircase at the side leading to the roof. Well, almost, if some of the brick hadn’t collapsed partway.

Sitting some ways up the staircase was a lone, familiar figure.

“Mine!”

“Yes?” They stared down at him, a dreamy vacant expression on their face.

He opened his mouth to scold them, before realizing what he was doing. He wasn’t supposed to be here, in front of them, talking to them. He should, he should be in the shadows, watching and waiting like he always did.

He took a deep breath. It didn’t matter they were seeing him now, they’d forget soon enough.

In a calmer voice, he said, “What are you doing here?”

They shrugged. “Looking at the stars, I guess.”

“You couldn’t do that at the shop?”

“I could.” They looked back towards the sky and Muriel came closer until one foot rested on the first step. “It’s so calm, isn’t it?”

“.....It, is.” He supposed it was, for a place like this.

They closed their eyes and sighed, sounding content. “It’s times like this, y’know, when everything is quiet and slow, it feels like, like you could stop and take a breath. Like the whole world is slowing down.”

Their expression was almost serene, and their entire posture was relaxed. He’d never seen them so calm and peaceful.

All of a sudden, they turned to him, as if seeing him for the first time. “Sorry, who are you again?”

“Uh….” They couldn’t have already forgotten him. They hadn’t even looked at him properly to begin with!

“Are you lost too?”

Oh. That explained, a lot.

Mine patted the spot beside them. “Do you want to join me?”

He pulled back for a moment, but thought better of it. He trudged up the stairs before plopping himself next to them.

They gave him a smile before their attention went back to the sky. Looking closer, they did seem to be tired.

“Do you…. want to sleep?” he asked. He didn’t mind watching over them, and he could carry them back to the shop if they were really tired.

Mine shook their head. “Asra said it’s dangerous to sleep outside. In Vesuvia, at least.”

Muriel nodded. Previous experience had proven that to be true.

“I tried looking for the way home earlier. I ended up here, and I was too tired to look anymore. I’ll wait until the sun comes up.”

“Why?”

“Maybe it’ll be easier in the daylight. It’s definitely easier to ask for directions in the morning.”

“.....OK.” That didn’t make much sense, but Mine didn’t seem to mind.

He leaned back and tilted his head upwards. In this area with its poor lighting, it became much easier to see the mass of stars above.

“Look.” Mine lifted a hand and started to make shapes in the air. “If you connect the dots– stars I mean– you can get shapes.”

Like constellations.

“See, that’s a narwhal, not a whale ‘cuz it’s got a horn like a unicorn. Over there’s a frog and it’s got raindrops floating around it– wait, no, they’re bubbles! Hah, that fits much better.” They nodded, looking satisfied.

He stared at them in disbelief. “Those aren’t constellations!”

“Oh, I don’t really know those. Isn’t it kinda hard to tell? My thing’s way more fun.”

“It’s not about fun.”

“It isn’t?”

He pointed to a group of stars. As he made out the shape with his finger, he said, “That, is Ursa Major. If you follow it…”

“Ooo, hey, that star over there is really bright, huh? Is it a part of a constellation too?”

He nodded. “It’s part of...mine.”

“Yours?”

“My sign... Virgo...” He faltered, feeling embarrassed.

“Virgo, eh? How do you make that shape?” They waved their finger wildly. “Hey, I think I can make a face out of them, look, it’s a granny. And she’s smiling!” They laughed, their teeth flashing.

“You’re silly.”

“Yeah, I am.” Mine grinned. “And you’re smiling.”

“No, I’m not,” he mumbled, his face burning. It was a good thing it was so dark. “I’m not going to show you Virgo.”

“What? Nooo, don’t be like that. Please? I’ll listen properly, promise.”

“O-OK. As, as long as you’re not noisy.”

“Zipping my lips.” They made a zipping gesture, looking at him earnestly.

Somehow, his face felt even hotter.

“Uh, then... here’s how you find Virgo.”

“Is it supposed to be a horse? No, a bird?”

“It’s….a person.”

“Ohh. Huh?” They scrunched their face at the stars. “Constellations are so weird.”

“They’re not.”

“You’re cool though, knowing all this stuff.”

“W-what?? You, you don’t know what you’re saying!”

“Yes I do. Betcha know a ton more, clever clogs.” Their grin was a lot like Asra’s, mischievous and teasing. If it was a little brighter, it would be very easy to tell Muriel had turned the shade of a tomato.

“I don’t. Go home already.”

They pulled back, and for a moment, Muriel worried they were upset.

“Can’t, dawn’s still far away.” Their tone remained unchanged, which made him relax. “Speaking of home, don’t you need to head back to your place too?”

“No.”

“So you were lost!”

He really wasn’t.

“That’s fine, we can just stay here together. You and me, watching the stars and stuff. Hmm, maybe we should talk about other things–hey, do you like magic?”

Muriel knew very well about Mine’s deep obsession over magic, and he wasn’t about to give them a chance to launch into a spiel about the syntax of magical incantations. Asra’s stories had told him all he needed to know.

“Let’s...not. Uh, I could show you the way back. If you want.”

“Really?” They perked up. So they had wanted to return after all. They stood up, bouncing on the balls of their feet. “Lead the way, friend.”

Friend. Did they only know how to say embarrassing things?

“We’re not friends,” he mumbled.

“We’re not??” While the exclamation was loud, it also sounded genuinely hurt. They deflated, looking disappointed.

“Because you don’t know my name,” he said quickly.

“Oh.” They brightened. That was easy. “What’s your name then?” This was not.

He paused. “....Muriel.”

“Muriel, what a lovely name.” They giggled. “Y’know, I’m so bad with remembering names. It’s sooo embarrassing to ask, especially when the other person knows your name. I’m glad you figured me out.”

He hadn’t.

“Sure,” he said, starting to walk in the direction of the shop, while Mine took hurried strides to catch up.

“I won’t forget your name this time. I’ll write it down!” They paused, rummaging through their bag, then their pockets. “When I get home.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to forget you. My, my memory’s pretty bad as it is. I, I...I don’t want to lose anything else important.”

His heart ached, to his surprise.

Mine had lost almost everything during the plague. Their family, their loved ones, their magic, and it wasn’t sure if they’d be able to return to their life from before. Not with the way things were currently going.

What could he say? What could Muriel say that Asra hadn’t tried already, always with disastrous consequences? What could be said that wouldn’t end up hurting Mine?

“....I’m sorry, Mine.”

“Eh? What for? Seriously, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything, I should be saying sorry, forgetting your name and all. Oh, I should thank you too! Since you’ve helped me so much today.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You did. You hung out with me and showed me constellations. You’re helping me get home. And we’re friends now too. You’ve given me a lot, I’d say.”

He grunted. Even if he said no, they would barrel on ahead.

But… it wasn’t unpleasant, to be liked by someone like this.

“Hey, are you gonna be around tomorrow?”

If Asra was still away, he would. “....Maybe”

“If you are, drop by my shop. I’ll treat you to a loaf of pumpkin bread. The one at the market’s really good.”

“...I don’t like crowds.”

“Oh, well, I’ll just buy the loaves and we can eat them at my shop. I’ll make tea too.”

He didn’t respond, still thinking of a reply–excuse– in his head.

“Or do you not like pumpkin bread? I love it, but to each their own I suppose. Hmm, what else could we get– ooo, what about–”

“Pumpkin bread is fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“OK! I’ll buy the bread tomorrow and we’ll enjoy them together.” They were close to the shop now, their surroundings more brightly lit. That also meant Mine’s bright smile was much clearer as well.

Muriel didn’t want to make a promise he couldn’t keep. He didn’t want to lie to them, not when they seemed so excited at the prospect of the two of them meeting again.

But he knew things would end the way they always did. Mine would forget and go about their life, and he would always be watching from afar.

“I don’t know if I can come,” he managed at last.

“You’re not gonna be here tomorrow? When will you be here then? I’ll mark down the date.”

“That’s, that’s not what I–” He sighed. “I don’t know if we can meet again.”

They frowned. “Why not?”

He stopped and jerked his head in the shop’s direction. “Here we are.”

Mine turned back. “That was faster than I thought– wait, wait, no, don’t distract me. Why can’t we meet again, Muriel?”

“It’s….hard to explain.”

“Try then.”

He sighed. “I can’t.”

“You don’t like me? You, you–” They continued in a quieter voice, “don’t want to be friends?” They looked like they might cry.

“No, it’s not that… I…” He threw them a pleading glance, hoping they would understand his inner turmoil, somehow. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Mine.”

They looked away, their trembling lips pursed together. Their eyes started to glisten.

He twiddled his fingers nervously. One second passed, and another, and another, and another, and then it seemed like too much time had passed for him to say anything.

Should he just leave now?

“I’m still going to do it,” Mine said firmly, breaking the silence. “Tomorrow, I’ll buy an extra loaf and I’ll wait right here.”

“But–”

“It doesn’t matter if you come or not. I’m going to be here anyway.” A tear escaped their eye and they wiped it away with their finger. “I want to be your friend, Muriel. Please.”

“...You already are.”

They immediately turned to look at him, eyes wide and hopeful. They whispered, “Really?”

He nodded.

Their entire face lit up. At the same time, tears started rolling down their cheeks.

Muriel gaped, internally panicking.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m just really happy! Well, I’m happy now. I was upset earlier, but it’s fine, really. I get like this a lot.” They rubbed their eyes with their sleeve, before giving a wide smile. “See? Totally fine.”

“OK…” he said, unconvinced.

“I really am happy.”

“Just from that?”

“Yup!” Their smile wavered. “You, you meant it, right? That we were friends.”

“...Yes.”

“Then I’m definitely happy.” They reached out their hands, only for Muriel to flinch back. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll keep my hands to myself. Are you OK? Sorry, Muriel.”

“‘S fine. Just... no sudden movements.”

“Got it.”

He nodded. “I’ll be… going now. I guess.”

“OK. Thanks again, Muriel, for everything.”

“It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t.” They unlocked the door and the wards. “I’ll still be here tomorrow.”

“You don’t–”

“Well, we never know what might happen. Just in case your plans change or something, I’ll have an extra loaf ready for you.”

Nothing would change. He knew that, he did, and yet…

“We’ll see,” he said gruffly. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

They beamed. “I’m looking forward to it!”

“I said not to get your hopes up.”

“OK, OK.” They pulled the door open and took one last look at him. “I hope I’ll see you again though.”

“Goodbye, Mine.”

“Goodbye, Muriel.”

The door shut with a click, and only after he heard the sounds of the locks being turned did Muriel leave.

When he reached the alley, he turned back to gaze at the shop, and a small part of him couldn’t help but hope too, that maybe tomorrow would be different.

When Mine came downstairs the next day, they weren’t alone.

“Faust!” they exclaimed, running towards the snake. They lifted up their arm and Faust happily coiled around it. “And hello to you too, master. Welcome back.”

“Good morning, Mine,” Asra said, planting a kiss on top of their head. “How were things while I was away?”

“Pretty good. I delivered all the orders, found out what aquaculture was–it’s not about underwater societies so that was disappointing–, and um, what else...oh I got lost yesterday.”

“Did you get into any trouble?”

“Nope. I took the wrong turn or something, and basically spent hours wandering the city until I got tired. I almost gave up y’know. I found a nice staircase to rest on, see, and I was gonna stay there until dawn, and then…” Their voice trailed off, and they frowned.

“Then what?”

“I don’t... know. I’m sure I must have moved at some point because I woke up in bed, in my pyjamas, and, and I remember coming in through the door, and telling myself over and over to write this reminder–” They looked down at one of the cloth knots around the base of their finger. On it was  scrawled ‘ Extra Loaf’ .  In a quiet voice, they said, “Why did I write this?”

“Mine.” Asra grasped their shoulders, his touch firm but gentle. “Deep breaths.”

They did as they were told, inhaling and exhaling a few times. They placed a hand on his. “I’m, I’m OK, nothing...hurts, but why don’t I remember what happened last night?” Brown darted up to meet amethyst. “Did something happen?”

“It’s nothing,” Asra assured. He shifted his hands to pull them into a hug. “You, you just had a little episode yesterday. A headache. It wasn’t anything big.”

“Then, then you brought me home?”

“Yes. I’m glad you’re feeling better now.”

“I, am.” They slowly rested their head on Asra’s shoulder, their free arm wrapping around his waist.

That was a plausible story. They’d had a headache on their way home, Asra just happened to arrive that same night and he had saved them. Like he always did.

But why had they entered the shop alone last night? What about the new cloth knot on their finger?

“Do you want me to get breakfast? I can get your favorite bread.”

“No.” They pushed him off gently, while Faust slithered away to curl around his shoulders. “I want to do that myself today. You just came back, right? You should take a break, master.”

Secrets. There were always going to be secrets between them, hanging unspoken and heavy in the gaps.

The two of them had agreed to trust the other, and Mine did trust him, always. It’s just, it was times like this that he felt very, very far away, despite being so close.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, worry flashing in his expressions.

“I just missed you. I always do. Please rest, master, and let me take care of everything.”

Before Asra could say anything, Mine was already out the door.

“It’s OK,” they said to themself. The how and what of last night’s events didn’t really matter. Mine had returned home safe and sound, and Asra was here with them. They would just have to forget all their questions for now.

Mine trusted Asra, and they had to trust that he was keeping those secrets for a reason.

He trusts me too. Maybe not enough to tell them everything, but enough so they knew he believed in them.

And I believe in him.

That was the most important thing, wasn’t it? That the two of them had faith in each other.

“Alright, let’s go get that bread!” they exclaimed loudly, causing a few stares. Ducking their head, they rushed in the direction of the marketplace.

Despite Mine’s requests, Asra did not take a rest.

Instead, he had found out exactly what happened last night. There was no scent of myrrh but his magic traced a familiar aura that had been present at the shop last night.

“No wonder Mine forgot everything.” Maybe Muriel had been the one to guide Mine home, and as usual, all memory of him disappeared the moment the door closed. “How did they write the reminder then?”

He shook his head, and went about preparing the table for breakfast. Summer meant cold lychee, and for an added twist, Asra added a few drops of color to the drinks. A bit of berry juice, some crushed leaves, all edible.

The drink looked magical as wisps of orange, green and pink made paths in the colorless liquid. “Perfect.”

He heard the door open and shut, then, “Master, I’m home.”

“Upstairs,” he called back.

Mine appeared at the doorway, two– three loaves in hand.

“Lychee!” Their face lit up with delight. They came closer, cooing at the colors. “You made it all pretty too.”

“A little treat for you. I brought back some more lychees, they’re in the kitchen. They’ll last a few days, and a few more drinks.”

“Does that mean we could drink lychee every day?” they asked, their voice hushed and filled with wonder.

“Naturally, Mine.”

“Yay! Thank you!” They threw their arms around him, pressing the fresh loaves against his skin.

He squeaked in surprise at the sensation.

“Oops, sorry.” They backed away. “But thank you so much, master! You’re my best magic teacher ever.”

His lips quirked upwards. “I’m your only magic teacher.”

“And that makes you the best.”

“I see.”

Both of them sat down and Mine placed two loaves on the table, leaving one in their hand.

“Hungry?”

“It’s not for me.”

He raised his eyebrows. “For me?”

“If you want. It’s just, I kept thinking about that reminder, and I thought why not, y’know. It was obviously important enough that I kept repeating ‘write extra loaf reminder’ until I wrote it down.”

“You did? How does that work?”

“My memory’s bad, right? Like, sometimes, I’ll go into a room and immediately forget what I came in for.”

He nodded. That did happen a lot.

“So if I want to remember something, sometimes I’ll keep repeating the thing I wanted to do until I do it. It works, more or less. Like even if my mind can’t remember, my mouth does.”

That’s how they had written down the reminder. “That’s a pretty good trick.”

“Hehe, thanks. Let’s dig in. Jemput makan.”

“Jemput makan, Mine.”

“Hey, you said it right this time!”

“You’re not the only one who’s been practicing their Balayu.” He winked, and Mine giggled.

Without another word, they dug into their meal with great gusto, spending the rest of the morning talking and exchanging stories.

The afternoon sun beat down on the forest, but the canopy filtered out the heat so only tiny rays of sunshine got through. Just how Muriel liked it.

“Muriel~” a familiar voice called out.

He turned, and gave a small smile to the person running over to him. “What are you doing here, Asra?”

“Came to see you, of course. How’s my best friend doing?”

“Fine. What do you want?”

Asra burst into laughter, lightly slapping Muriel’s arm. “I can’t visit my best and oldest friend out of the goodness of my heart?”

“...Have you ever done that?”

He guffawed some more, and Muriel felt his smile widen.

“I’m actually here to give you a little something.”

Had he gotten something strange again on one of his trips? “I don’t need–”

“It’s not a trinket or a decoration, even if your house could use it.”

Muriel huffed.

“A splash of color wouldn’t be bad once in a while,” Asra said in a singsong voice.

“So is walking through poison ivy. What did you want to give me?”

“Here.” Asra reached inside the bag and pulled out a still-warm loaf.

A jolt of surprise went through Muriel.

“Mine bought an extra loaf today, and I thought you might like it.”

“What about you?”

Asra smiled. “The thing is, Mine bought  three loaves today. I was there when they woke up so they were already going to get my share.”

He blinked, words failing him for a moment. His voice dropped to barely a whisper, “....why?”

“Apparently, after Mine came home last night, they wrote down a reminder telling them to buy an extra loaf. They didn’t know why or who it was for.” He glanced up slyly at Muriel. “But I can guess.”

“That’s…” It was a lot of things, to be honest. “Impossible.”

“They were very insistent on getting this loaf. It felt important, they said.”

Muriel hesitated, but with Asra’s gentle, encouraging gaze, he managed to accept the loaf, his hands shaking. “...thank you.”

“You shouldn’t be thanking me. I should be thanking you really, for bringing Mine home last night.”

“It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t.”

Muriel snorted. “They said the same thing last night.”

“You two had a good night then.”

His cheeks flushed and his eyes darted away. “We...sat on some stairs. Looked at the stars.”

“Sounds like a lovely date to me.”

“It  wasn’t. ”

“Whatever you say, Muri. Did you, like it?”

Muriel was silent. He pinched a piece of bread off, rubbing it into a ball between his fingers. “...I think so.”

“That’s great.”

“They forgot me, didn’t they?”

A shadow passed over Asra’s face.

Muriel popped the piece into his mouth. He already knew this would happen; there was no reason to feel disappointed.

“They didn’t want to. They tried to remember.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“They managed to write down a reminder this time! You, you could–”

“No. It’s...better this way. It’s what we’ve been doing for years.”

“Muri…”

“You didn’t teach them constellations properly,” he interrupted.

“Excuse me?”

“Last night...they were just making up shapes with the stars. It was, silly.”

“Was it now? That must have been fun.”

Without realizing it, Muriel had been smiling again. He turned his face away, covering the lower half with his hand.

Asra chuckled. “Just be honest, Muri. Come on.”

“No. Go away, Asra.”

“Do you really want me to go away? Hmmm?”

Muriel rolled his eyes. “You’re annoying.”

“But you love me.” Asra wrapped his arms around Muriel’s arm and squeezed it to his body.

“Wrong. Go home to Mine already. Clingy.”

“I’ll go after you’re done with the bread~ Let’s talk for a while. Hasn’t it been ages since we’ve just hung out and talked?”

“...I don’t want to.”

“Awww, Muri, please? Pretty, pretty please? Pretty just like your eyes?”

He could feel the blush creeping up his neck. “...Fine. Just, be quieter.”

“I’ll try~”

He sighed, shaking his head, and started trudging on the path to his hut, with Asra on his arm filling the silence with chatter.

Muriel glanced down at the bread, before bringing it up to his mouth and taking a large bite.

It was warm and sweet, too much like Mine for his taste. But for a heartbeat, with Asra talking, and the wind making music amongst the leaves overhead, it was almost like the three of them were all together.

Even if everyone else forgot this moment, Muriel never would.

Notes: - 'Jemput makan' is a Malay phrase commonly uttered before/during meals. The literal meaning is 'let's eat' and can also mean an invitation to a meal

- Cold lychee refers to this

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 Question Survey--Part twenty-eight

2601. Do you think cell phones cause cancer? There’s been studies done that show they can, I guess. A lot of things can. Anytime you go into a store or building of any kind, you’ll likely seen the sign that says there’s cancer causing chemicals. Certain foods. Certain products. Smoking. Genetics.

Are cell phone users more likely to get into car accidents? Don’t use you’re phone while driving! Do cell phones really interfere with a plane's navigation equipment? So they say. I don’t know. Are cell phones immune from computer viruses? They can get viruses. Can using a cell phone at a gas station spark a fire? I’ve heard that, but from what I gather it isn’t true. 2602. What makes a guy see a chick as less of a cute little girl and more of a woman? I don’t know? 2603. What is it about football that makes people want to watch it? I guess they get caught up in the competition of it all, and like to root for their favorite team. It also is a bonding thing for some people. 2604. What is the best show on tv? I couldn’t say what the best is. 2605. Are you more of a tape dispenser or a stereo speaker and why? Uh.

2606. What do you think is overrated? Nutella.

what is underrated? Oreos and coffee. Haha. I’m obsessed. 

2607. Can spiders ump? Ump?

Did you interpret that as 'jump' or 'hump or 'bump' or other? I immediately assumed you meant jump, which I was going to say but then I saw this part of the question. 2608. What's the matter with adults today? What’s the matter with people today. 2609. Have you ever worked 'off the books'? No. 2610. Have you ever worked 9-5? I have never had a job.

If not do you think you ever will? 2611. Do men or woman make better bosses? That is not how you determine that. It depends on the person and their qualifications. That can be anyone of any gender. 2612. Do you believe that people should more up through a company or that the higher up positions should be filled by people hired from outseide the company? People should be able to move up, yes. That’s usually the goal. 2613. Why is it that no one seems to care about their job? I don’t think that’s true? A lot of people do. A lot of people depend on it. 2614. When I go into a store, why doesn't anyone know anything about what they are selling? I haven’t come across that. 2615. Have you ever seen those people that get that blank, lost expression when they go into a store and kinda shuffle along like zombies? No.

Do you wonder how they got up, dressed themselves, and made it to the store in the first place? 2616. When did you/will you graduate college? I graduated May of 2015. 2617. When will Eminem stop whineing about his bad childhood and move on?? He hasn’t made music in awhile, so. 2618. I am drug free. Are you drug free? Yes. 2619. I have piercings and am getting tattoos. Do you have either? I have my earlobes pierced. 2620. Can you REALLY say that your way is the right way? No. Some things are right for me, but might not be for others. Other things aren’t even right for me, but I don’t know what to do.

maybe there is a different way for everyone? Mhm. 2621. What do you think of the song 'Imagine'? I like it. 2622. Can you think of any reason i might have written this, other than I am bored with too much time on my hands? That’s pretty much it. 2623. What is the purpose of art? To bring up some kind of emotion, maybe? Something pleasing to the eye. Something to make you think. I don’t know.

How about movies? To bring you entertainment.

Music? To bring entertainment, and something to relate to. 2624. Do you think that anything has lost it's value because it's become too 'commercial'? What? Yeah, but I can’t think of a specific thing at the moment. 2625. Have you ever been promoted? fired? I’ve never had a job, as I’ve stated.

2626. What do you call your private area? Does it have a nickname? It’s called a vagina. 2627. What parts of your body are shaved? My legs and my underarms. 2628. What is a peachclam? Uh... why do I feel like it’s something sexual or a name for a vagina? 2629. What is the american dream? To be happy and successful.

Is it the same as your dream? I would like to be happy and successful, yes. That can mean different things to different people, though. 2630. Do you need to be right all the time? No. 2631. There was a sculpture that was supposed to be displayed for a week in the Rockafeller Center in NYC of a falling woman - designed as a memorial to those who jumped or fell to their death from the World Trade Center. It was complained about as grotesque, innopropriate and describe as 'not art' What do you think? I don’t knowwww. It was taken down early because it was seen as 'offensive'. What do you think about that? The artist, Fischl, said in a statement. ``It was a sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition. Both specifically towards the victims of Sept. 11 and towards humanity in general.'' Are people just too sensative? Or maybe people are NOT sensative ENOUGH to the idea that others may have different views from them (or from the majority)? She these different, opposing or offensive views be allowed to be expressed freely and openly? Why or why not? 2632. What letter's sound do you like the best? W. 2633. What is one movie charater you identify with and why? All the awkward ones. 2634. Do you act the same when you are alone as you do when people are watching? There’s some differences. 2635. Why is everyone so obssessed with superheros? I don’t know. 2636. What cliches do you hear over-used the most? Hmm. I’m not coming up with good answers am I? 2637. Do you handle inconvieniences well? Well, I find them to be rather inconvenient. 2638. Are you a fan of Jackie Chan? No. Nothing against him, just not my kind of movies. 2639. Is a promise a big deal? Yes. 2640. What is your place in the universe? Heck if I know. 2641. Once some scientists dug up a woolly mamoth, frozen in ice. It was still completely whole, not rotted or fosilized. The scientists decided to have a dinner party. It was a very posh affair. they served roast woolly mamoth steaks, the rarest meat in all the world. So, if you were invited, would you have eaten it? Ew, no. 2642. What are 3 things you DON'T want to know? When and how I’ll die, what my future holds (unless something good happens...), and anything regarding the loss of loved ones. 2643. It seems to me that a lot of people don't value their lives, or life in general very highly. Why do you suppose that is? Not sure.

Are you like that? You could say that. 2644. Do you celebrate the harvest moon? No. 2645. Do you believe in out of body experiances? I don’t know. I’ve heard of instances that sound pretty convincing, but I really don’t know. 2646. Why does so much depend upon a red wheel barrel glazed with rain water beside the white chickens? What are you going on about?

2647. Why do so many people get jobs that they dislike? They might not have a choice. They have to take what they can to pay the bills. A sad reality for many. 2648. Do you think that in THIS world, being creative is a handicap? No... Why or why not? I’m not sure why being creative would be considered that way. 2649. Do you ever get chills or shivers during movies? What movies? Not usually. I don’t recall a time I have experienced that. 2650. Do you believe in the collective unconsiouss(that people are like onions..the outer layers are individualistic and the deeper you go the more similar we all are)? I think people are more alike than then they realize in a lot of ways.

2651. Do you think that most people have the qualities you look for in friends/intimate relationships or do you feel alienated? I wouldn’t know since I don’t go seeking out anyone. I’m not outgoing.

2652. Are you very critical: of others? Maybe somewhat.

have you ever tried? Yes. 2657. Imagine you are 34 weeks pregnant. You are healthy and you didn't have any major problems in your pregnancy. Would you consider flying from the UK to Germany, which takes one hour, whithout a bad feeling that something could go wrong or the baby decides to come out earlier? I would be nervous regardless because I’m afraid to fly, but I would still likely go. 2658. How long do you think it would take you to jog a mile? Forever. 2659. Word assciation: twilight: garden: warm: stars: crash: mold: gold: green: lush: 2660. Picture a triangle:

Quick! What color is it?

Teal. Picture a square. Quick! What color is it? Red. Picture a circle. Quick! What color is it? Purple. Why do you think you saw these shapes as these colors? *shrug* 2661. What things are endless? I think everything comes to an end at some point. 2662. Are you ever subtle? Yeah. 2663. “Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood...some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't conceive of your life without it? How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? How can you fully appreciate these moments, every moment, when it all seems limitless?” ~Paul Bowles except from The Sheltering Sky.

Huh. 2664. Do you never have an ordinary day? It’s pretty rare. 2665. Do you embrace every single thing you've never known? I don’t know if I embrace every single thing. 2666. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist? Uh, no. That has never been something people confused me for. 2667. Can stress sometimes be good? Sometimes. It keeps people on their toes, it helps them get things done. Keeps them alert. Too much of course can be very, very bad. 2668. Write something random, just whatever flows out of your head without thinking. Forget punctuation just try to type as fast as you think: “I think I should warm up a piece of pizza soon.”

--Deep thoughts with Steph.

2669. Are you a musical snob? No.

How about a film snob? Nope. 2670. When you were in school did you learn to think or repeat? A bit of both, I suppose. 2671. Do you have everything you need to be happy? No.

If not, what is missing? Sigh. 2672. Would you take a very casualy dropped 'maybe I should just kill myself' as a warning ssign? You should always take something like that as serious. 2673. What does the word 'ironic' mean? Can you give an exaple of an ironic situation? Like... the opposite of what you think or expect to happen. As Alanis Morrisette once said:

“It’s like rain on your wedding day

It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid

It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take

Who would’ve thought, it figures....”

2674. What did you see today that was beautiful in an ordinary way? Nothing. 2675. Have you ever been on the edge of the night? No. 2676. Do you feel oppressed in some way? No, not really. 2677. Who do you think shot JFK? Lee Harvey Oswald.

Who do you think shot Martin Luthar King? There’s speculation and conspiracies surrounding both assassinations. Why do you think they got shot? People didn’t agree with what they stood for. And for MLK, it was some sick racist piece of crap. 2679. Are you aware that although only about 14 percent of the american total population is black, that about 70 percent of the people in jail in america are black? Why do you think that is? What conclusion can you draw based on this?

Sometimes these surveys from this series feel like a homework assignment or paper topic.

2678. Do you think that the culture you live in is completely open to all ideas and forms of expression? Clearly that’s not the case. We have the right to express them, but not everyone is open to hearing or accepting some of it. 2680. What do you think of the character (muppet) on sesame street that has aids and should this kind of a theme be explored in children's television? Well, it’s a reality for some people. It should be talked about. 2681. Are you dyslexic? No. 2682, Can you construct a bong out of: household objects? an apple? your cat?

Never tried. 2683. Starwars, star trek or star gate? Star Wars. 2684. Windows or mac? MAC. 2685. Do you start conversations or wait for other people to start them? I’m not one to initiate conversation. 2686. How many phallac symbols can you think of? Nah. 2687. Would you but tickets to see the top ten american idols sing live? I never wanted to. 2688. A bird may love a fish...but where would they live? Hm... Well, the bird could at least land on something on or near the water and the fish could swim up and they could talk that way. lol. The fish can’t leave the water unless it’s in a bowl of water. 2689. Are you a hologram or a misfit? Uh. 2690. How are you oriented sexually? I’m straight.

Do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don't want to admit it? I don’t agree with that. 2691. If you are the only human on the planet of the apes do you have sex with an ape? I’m not into beastiality. 2692. If you aare making out with a sex someone and you reach down and find they have a fish tail instead of legs do you still fool around with them? “With a sex someone...” what? Anyway, I would be really freaked out. I couldn’t just ignore that. I’d be like, “wtf???” 2693. Does superman wear kryptonite condoms? Sure. 2694. Do you know exactly where you are? I am here.

Do you know the meaning of it all? Nope.

Do you know the distance to the sun? No.

Do you know the echo that is love? Nopeee. 2694. Do you believe you are: extraordinary? Ha, no. I’m very ordinary.

Blessed? In some ways, yes.

Cursed? I wouldn’t say cursed. I’ve just been dealt a pretty crappy hand with some things.

Won? I don’t believe i am “won”, no. 2695. What are you doing this weekend? Nothing. 2696. Do you believe that black people should get money to make up for their previous enslavement? If they were personally enslaved. Also, I don’t think money would make up for that. How would you determine the amount? If they were enslaved they should get something no doubt, like they should be given access to resources and help to things that they need.

Do you believe that all oppressed people should get money to make up for their oppression? Again, I don’t know if money would make up for that. They should be given what they weren’t allowed to have before. Maybe money, but again how do you determine the amount? 2697. What's a quagmire? That pervy guy from Family Guy? 2698. Is philosophy a science or can everyone have their own philosophy? It is a science, but I think people can have their own philosophy about some things. 2699. Are you a big fish in a small pond? I feel like a small fish in a big pond. 2700. Would you like to read an entire novel written in stream of consiousness form? No.

[uniformbravo]

hmm couldnt stop thinking abt wreck-it ralph 2 so here’s some Thoughts (things i didn’t like, things i would have changed. u know how it is)

obligatory disclaimer im not calling myself an Expert™ here im just letting off some steam ok don’t take this as a legitimate effort gnfkgn

ok so my initial thoughts after seeing this movie were that it was a complete mess, there’s a ton of clutter that doesn’t need to be there, too much random shit is introduced in the late game. but then i was like. well not totally?? regarding that last point at least; it felt like the virus was this random plot point they decided to pull in outta nowhere just to create a big dramatic climax, but the concept actually was introduced at the beginning of the movie? when ralph & vanellope are hanging out in the tron game & it glitches & they’re like well shit. this is what ralph specifically calls back to when he gets the idea to use a virus on the slaughter race game later on, so it’s not like the movie pulled this out of thin air, it did kind of lay the groundwork beforehand. kind of. except that even then it still doesn’t really feel like it

like, it’s honestly a pretty weak connection? this virus that ralph uses is kind of a Big Deal because it directly leads to his & vanellope’s fight and then the literal climax of the movie, they have to fight this thing to save the Entire Internet, but the point where the concept is introduced during the tron scene feels so easily dismissed in comparison. Like, it doesn’t feel dangerous in any way, it’s just kind of like “aw shucks, looks like we can’t play in tron anymore, oh well” and that tonal dissonance makes for a super weak setup. i mean, fuck, ralph literally had to have dialogue reminding you that it even happened just so he could connect it to this new plot point, which is pretty fuckin bad tbh!

there’s also the fact that it wasn’t even a virus in the tron game in the first place. it was literally just a glitch, and the connection between that and this virus was “well that glitch made the game not fun so vanellope didn’t want to play it anymore, so maybe i can use a virus to get the same effect in slaughter race!” which. doesn’t even technically make it a real callback, it literally is just introducing a new element in the late game, therefore making it feel v abrupt and out of place in the story.

i think it could have been integrated better if the tron thing and the virus were actually the same thing? and there could have been more importance placed on the tron scene, like instead of just making it this throwaway little “ralph & vanellope are friends!” scene it coulda been like “oh shit watch out for viruses, they are dangerous and will fuck up your game!” which would have made ralph’s conscious decision to use one later way more impactful, since the audience would have had that association from before

now. speaking of ralph using the virus. we come to my biggest issue w/ the movie,,

i... hate how they handled the conflict between ralph & vanellope’s arcs lol. i mean, it starts with a genuinely interesting concept: ralph and vanellope are best friends. vanellope feels trapped by how small and limiting the world of her game is, she’s itching for something new and exciting to break up the monotony; she needs change. ralph is happy with the way things are to the point that he fears change and will actively work against it; he has become overbearing and clingy and needs to learn to give his friend space. this isn’t a bad premise at all, but the way it’s handled is so. oof

so, they go into the internet, right, and vanellope finds this game, slaughter race, that is the epitome of everything she loves and has been yearning for; violence, cool cars, like-minded people. she starts to hang out with the characters there, and ralph sees this as a threat to his friendship with vanellope, so he decides to infect the game with a virus to make it boring and hopefully make vanellope lose interest. again, not bad ideas for an interesting narrative! where it falls apart is in the execution

first of all, this is obviously toxic ass behavior. like, just a really shitty thing to do. vanellope found something that makes her happy, and ralph wants to drag her away from it just so she’ll spend more time with him, and not make any other friends besides him. it’s garbage behavior. this would be completely fine if the movie didn’t treat ralph like?? a victim??? rather than a person who made a shitty decision????

like okay yes they do make it clear that this was Not The Right Thing To Do, but the whole time there’s this attitude of like.... i think they’re trying really hard to push ralph as this dumb lovable guy who means well but messes up despite his good intentions, so when he does mess up & do something shitty it’s with this kind of earnest attitude that makes him still feel like The Good Guy

like when he does that to vanellope the tone is a lot more lighthearted than it should be, he’s standing there literally going “hmm how can i stop her from leaving me,., i know, i’ll take away the thing she loves so she has no choice but to come back to me! what a good idea!” like he sees absolutely Nothing wrong with that. it really rubs me the wrong way, like they’re almost trying to get you to root for ralph in this situation, like they want you to want ralph to succeed in doing this awful thing so he can succeed and “save” his friendship w/ vanellope

it would have been different if like, going off of the other idea i had about the virus, right. it’s now the same virus from the tron game, so the audience already knows about it and how dangerous it is because they were warned about it at the beginning of the movie. ralph also knows this, but he decides to use it anyway because he’s that desperate and afraid to lose vanellope. the scene where he makes this decision, rather than having him belt out the plot synopsis version of his thought process, is more dramatic, weighty. we see him really Thinking about it, weighing the options in his mind, it’s clear that he understands the consequences. 

this way there is already some guilt in the equation from the beginning so that when it blows up in his face and almost literally kills vanellope there is a real Consequence to his mistake, and it’s a harsh wakeup call as to how horrible he’s actually being. like a “i knew it was wrong and i did it anyway, so now i pay the price” kind of thing, instead of the movie’s “oh no!! i didn’t know it would be this bad!!! i thought i would just be ruining things for my best friend in a harmless way!!” like, the movie really wants to take the blame off of ralph and make him seem as innocent as possible and it’s a Real Bad Look imo.

changing things this way would also give their subsequent fight a lot more punch because instead of ralph being like “ghfnkgjsdkg i didn’t mean to!!!!1” he would be like “i did a bad thing and i’m sorry” and when vanellope feels betrayed and denounces their friendship (as she has every right to) it would feel so much more deserved and therefore painful, the Good kind of painful that this movie tried to have & desperately needed to do well

it also would have been good for ralph’s individual character development, because hmm what were some of the major themes from the first movie? being a bad guy? making an effort to do good in spite of that?? being a hero??? being mindful of your actions and the effect they have on the people around you???? not to mention the WHOLE thing about him desperately trying to break out of the box the label “bad guy” had put him in, and how now in THIS movie vanellope is essentially trying to do the same thing? how now ralph is the one literally trying to force her back into that box (in this case, her game) just so that things are easier for him??? do u see where im going here

this could be the point where ralph realizes he needs to let vanellope go & chase her own happiness because he remembers how terrible it felt being forced into a role that made him miserable. he can now see how suffocating and toxic he’s being and there’s no need for a fucking Ralph Virus to come along and tell him that to his face because he’s emotionally intelligent and capable of deep personal introspection and deserves way more credit than this movie gives him, god

eliminating the need for the ralph virus is good because 1. who thought that was a good idea, it shattered what little was left of my suspension of disbelief instantly and 2. it once again took the weight of villainy off of ralph’s shoulders by giving the movie an even Bigger Baddie to compare him to, thereby making him the lesser immediate evil (like, it pulls all his toxic behavior away from him and dumps it instead into this big “”Evil”” caricature version of ralph so that the Real ralph can be the Good Guy and take it down)

instead of that, give ralph the benefit of figuring out his own shit, and then reveal that the virus wasn’t destroyed in the slaughter race reboot and is now infecting various parts of the internet (it’s been at it this whole time, but only got noticed after it had spread too wide to contain, it’s a Real Big Problem now. also it’s just a Normal Not Ralph Virus, Just A Plain Old Good Ol’ Fashioned Monster). have him go after it on his own, to take responsibility for the thing that was His Fuckin Fault, symbolizing him acknowledging how serious and destructive his obsession with vanellope has become and trying to fix it. get vanellope involved. have them figure out their shit

the climax can play out however, just the most important things in the end are that ralph gives a real apology, shows that he really learned his lesson, maybe gives some kind of speech about it, and there’s no bullshit where vanellope realizes he was just insecure & therefore his actions are more understandable, the resolution comes from ralph apologizing honestly and expecting nothing in return and vanellope being touched by this and giving him a second chance because he is her best friend and she knows him well enough to see that he genuinely has learned from this experience and will strive to do better and she loves and trusts him and was never going to leave him behind in the first place because their bond is so strong & there’s still the thing where she gets to live in slaughter race & they keep in touch long distance now bc that was a good way to show that ralph has learned his lesson & is now giving vanellope the space she needs and both of their arcs are resolved and their friendship is stronger than ever despite (or rather because of) change, happily ever after, the end

sorry i got tired but u know, w/e; points were made, rambles were had, mission accomplished. may i never spend this much time or effort thinking about this movie again, amen