#bitch people call a 50k fic long

[tciddaemina]

sort of hate people who leave negative stuff in the bookmarks of a fic tbh. like sure yeah you have no obligation to write anything, but if you are going to write something why the fuck would you make it a bland as list of all the things you disliked about the work

like bro, you could just keep it in your head. say it out loud even. write it on a post it note if you must. but like damn why the fuck would you ever write a laundry of your shitty little peeves somewhere that the author is able to see it. authors can and do browse peoples comments in the bookmarks of their works bc people sometimes leave really touching heartwarming stuff there

just like. jesus fuck. if you have nothing nice to say then youre honestly free to shut the fuck up and move on

[lostdrarryfics]

THE BIG FIND 2023: Day 9

The Big Find is a 10-day long Drarry fic-finding marathon to celebrate the blog’s anniversary. Below is the Day 9 compilation of lost fics, both old and new, that we’ve been unable to find. Our aim is to get as much attention to these lost fics as possible, to help people finally find their missing fics! Anyone can participate by reblogging, reading through each list, providing additional fic details, and informing us the title, author, or link of a fic, and their respective number in the comment section. Happy finding!

9.1 i’ve read this explicit fic once on ao3. honestly I barely remember anything except for draco saying “ah there’s my pretty cock” or something when he saw harry’s dick (im sorry for the words), they were about to have sex, and I think they’ve got an established relationship already.

9.2 Draco is sort of an assistant around Hogwarts, post-war, and Harry recently started teaching there. And Hagrid tells Harry about how Draco was really subdued because he was tortured and found in the forest or something, and Harry decides to try talk to him more. I think there’s a part where Harry goes to Draco’s class and he startles him and he dropped some potions, and panicked. It’s on ao3 I think, no more than 50k.

9.3 i was looking for a fic where they’re both Aurors and friends, working on a case. i read it 2-3 years ago and all i remember is one specific scene where they were at draco’s apartment on a couch and he was pining and thinks it would be easier to deal with his feelings if they were entirely physical, but they’re not because harry is in his pyjamas. harry also makes him tea in his house a lot. i think it was on the shorter side? probably not over 90k.

9.4 I’m looking for a fic where hp is finally gaining confidence in 4th yr and accidentally meets dm through the qddwrldcup as well as his younger sister he then meets him again in hogwarts as he is a very intelligent student who is recommended by the pres/headmistress. i dont recall anything else except Sirius and Remus were in hp’s life, hp and dm spent some time 2gther in the forest to heal his sis and himself. they liked eachother from that first meeting but more of a crush. I think dm’s younger sister was called Lyra, hp spoke to bill weasley and got a snake earring from him, I remember moonlight or something moon in the title. Fic is not double trouble by babythelady

9.5 im looking for a creature fic where draco is taken into a elf/veela village with severus as his mother and he has half-brother drake malfoy. harry is VERY interested in draco and he is a creature too but icr what. ik draco was very controlled of his emotions but harry always teased him to make him blush. there was also non-con with his step-bro drake and karkaroff i think and cissy was a bitch in this story.

9.6 Searching for a fic I read on ao3. I don’t recall if there was specific year they were in or if it was a multi year fic, but they were still in their Hogwarts years. Draco was fully helping them. I think Sirius and Remus were there and together, but I could be remembering wrong. A huge battle, I think the final one, went down on the ground of Malfoy Manor. Snape revealed himself as a spy to Voldemort in the battle, facing him himself.

9.7 So the fic I’m looking for is a multi chapter fic where Draco is pregnant and he stays with the golden trio and I think that they (H and D) redecorated the place. Harry and Draco have a fight Draco tries to put a newborn scorpius to bed but he keeps crying for harry so harry comforts Draco and Scorpius, and Draco says he’s a bad dad and harry reassures him. Harry wakes up to Scorpius calling him dada (I think) and finds out that Draco, Ron and Hermione have been teaching scorpius to say that.

9.8 pretty sure it was on fanfiction.net but it’s possible that it was transferred to wattpad. It is complete and I’m pretty sure it had chapters. It’s an au set at Hogwarts in fifth year (no umbridge) where Harry and Draco are mind linked because of a bad mix of spells on the train home at the end of fourth year. Draco’s been having dreams that he consistently dies in while Harry is there. They learn that they’re connected and start talking to each other in their dreams and in their minds during school. snape is his godfather and tries to find potions to help him but doesn’t not know that Harry is apart of it. I remember it being very specific about one potion tasting like raspberries. Draco gets into a few fights with an older bigoted Slytherin and it is a known fact in this fic that he does not respond well to magical healing. He also claims that Harry is stalking him and then is made fun of for being paranoid. It also gets found out that Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George cursed Draco and his friends on the train the pervious year and are brought to Dumbledores office with Snape and McGonagall. Draco’s parents are super protective and they as well as snape set up something called SASHA which is to help slytherins who don’t want to participate in the second wizard if war to safe harbors. They drug the food in the middle of the night and remove the students who signed up. Blaise stays behind to be with Draco but most other named Slytherins from the books leave. Draco and Harry have a falling out over this. Sirius and Remus are boyfriends in this but are very minor characters and I don’t think are listed as a pairing although it’s implied in the fic. Dumbledore is blatantly evil as is mad eye moody and is trying to find out where the missing kids are. Draco is kidnapped and is severely injured. Harry wants to help find him but is told that he’s done enough and is put back to sleep. Remus tries to advocate for dumbledore to help find him by saying that when Remus taught him he was a really bright kid and Dumbledore brushes him off and says something along the lines of ‘we can’t save every kid, if he comes back alive we welcome him with open arms, if not…’ and Remus and Sirius are dumbfounded. Remus and Sirius break in to the hospital wing after the malfoys show up and have Harry talk to Draco through their connection to find out where he is. Narcisa is wildly powerful and finds him somewhere out of the country (I think New York, it was something on a license plate). He gets brought back and everything’s alright. Then it’s revealed that Dumbledore planned the kidnapping.

9.9 Drarry adaptation of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” or “What You Will”. I’m not sure if the author actually mentions it but I remember thinking that when reading it. The Twins are Draco and Luna, but they aren’t actually twins in this fic, they are strangers that just met that looks alike. Even down to their butt because I remember a funny conversation about one being the model for a butt pad and the other wearing it. The plane or some kind of transportation they met on crashes. Harry is like Duke Orsini in which he is trying to woo someone (I can’t remember who) with the help of Draco who I think is amnesiac. It gets fuzzy from there, but cue lots of mistaken identity hijinks. I think Blaise is that old friend that keeps harassing Draco to get something back.

9.10 Harry is DADA Professor at Hogwarts. He goes by Evans instead of Potter. He also doesn’t look like Harry Potter. Most of the school doesn’t know he is really Harry Potter. McGonagall knows his true identity as well as Teddy. I don’t remember who else knows. Teddy is a first year and he becomes friends with Draco Malfoy’s son. I don’t remember if his name is Scorpius or if it was something else. I also don’t remember which house they were sorted into. I think it was Gryffindor. I do know they are in the same house. Harry is Scorpius father but he doesn’t know it at first. Scorpius doesn’t know who is other father is but he knows what he looks like because he has a picture of him that he got from Draco. I have been looking for this story for a couple of years. I worry it has been deleted. I read it on fanfiction.net or a03

9.11 Sirius rescues Harry from Dursleys as a toddler and raises him? Harry and Draco become best friends (so adorable) and James and Lily are ghosts in the fic (ig?) . Also there’s a scene where they play pretend house where Harry is dad Draco is mom and Ron their dog? I think Pansy is the daughter.

9.12 looking for a fic that had a young harry and a death draco. it had gentleman in the title (i think it was the death gentlemen something). gloves and hand holding play an important role in the story. i think death draco leaves harry for a bit and they meet up again later

9.13 just remembered this fic i read a long time ago. i can’t remember if it was in ao3 or wattpad. it was set post hogwarts. harry is at least partly raising teddy and is lonely. he ends up finding draco and draco runs a center for lgbtq+ witches and wizards. a few former teachers are in it. teddy is struggling and thinks he is trans but isn’t sure but one day at the park wants to wear i think a dress, if it wasn’t a dress it was feminine presenting and other parents and kids make fun of him so harry immediately brings him to the center and everybody makes him feel better. obviously drarry gets together. there is also a pride-esqe thing that happens.

9.14 It’s about after the war, Harry and Ginny split up so he lives in a house which is attached to one side of the forbidden forest. One day, he meets Draco in the forest, keeps going back to talk with him, and falls in love. Draco later takes Harry to a lake and reveals that he’s committed suicide and was not real (a ghost maybe). It then ended with Harry committing suicide to be with him by also drowning in the lake.

[samanthahirr]

Helloes~ So, for those meta asks--what would you answer to 8, 20 and 21? 👀

Emilia, thank you so much for the ask! I have answers for you for #20 & #21. Fun Meta Asks for Writers

#20 - Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Okay, you have to understand that Off the Books is already the longest fic I’ve ever written by 30k words, and I still have probably another 50k to go. AND it’s my first story I’ve ever posted as a WIP. This fic is so long and so complex that the outline I’m writing from is 15,000 words long!!! So the stakes are high for me to make sure I lay in my foreshadowing and theme development before I publish each chapter, because if I forget to include it up front, it’ll be too late. 

A large part of this story is about unpacking M’s secrets. I gave Q a mysterious backstory with Dench-M for the first half of the fic for Bond and the readers to puzzle over, and I finally revealed Q’s history with M in Chapter 11. By the time I was writing Chapter 10 and staring down the barrel of this upcoming big reveal, I worried whether I’d done enough foreshadowing to really prepare readers to accept that dearly departed M was a stone-cold bitch who had done unforgivable things to Q (and to Bond) for her own ambitions. To reassure myself, I did a re-read of the first 9 chapters and found 50 (FIFTY!) direct and indirect references to M, each one hinting at her manipulations of either Bond or Q. (In retrospect, 50 feels like overkill, and I probably would have edited some of those out were I posting this NOT as a WIP.)

Here’s my favorite bit of all that foreshadowing about M! In Chapter 2, Bond meets with Mallory in dead-M’s office, which Bond describes as “the aviary made of glass, with the full view of the Thames dominating the room. A monument to transparency and her all-seeing eyes.” Bond contrasts her all-glass walls and glass desk with Mallory’s recent redecorating: frost-able windows on the office-side, a heavy mahogany desk, plush carpeting, and thick drapes covering the exterior walls. Mallory explains, “All the glass in here was a security concern. Also, it made privacy impossible.” In this moment, Bond assumes that M’s love of transparency was a virtue, not realizing how she weaponized it to make every meeting with Bond a public performance, so every time she yelled at him and called him a mistake, the entire executive staff would see and hear the rift in their relationship. When Mallory frosts the walls and closes the door for his debriefs with Bond, Bond is discomfited by this deviation from the norm, not recognizing that privacy is Bond’s right, one that his-M had always denied him. 

God damn, I love this version of M so much.

#21 - What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

My writing style and structure are very heavily influenced by film (specifically all the action movies I grew up watching). I think in terms of “scenes” — actions happening or people interacting in a setting for a purpose. I typically deliver exposition via dialogue, so that it’s delivered “on screen” organically, as opposed to an internal thought (akin to a voice over) or an info-dump in the narrative (like a “previously on,” I guess). I don’t write character studies, long internal asides, or in-depth setting descriptions. Given my focus on plot-driven action, I imagine my fics are pretty well-suited to a live-action film adaptation.

[blocksruinedme]

ask anything? :D we talk empires n aus stuff a lot in the discord already so Im gonna ask: what were the best (and worst. if youre feeling the urge to be spiteful :3) parts of your last fandom before this? and what are the biggest difference, and similarities, between it and ur current mcyt fandoms!

Alright let's go. The fandom is The Untamed/Mo Do Zu Shi, and I will love it forever. If you've seen long hairedtruly beautiful chinese twinks in long robes in swords, it's probably then. the original source is a web novel written by an anime fic author, and I'm really into the live action version (there's also animated, comic, audio drama)

It caused me to learn a LOT about chinese culture language. Like, a lot, I tried Mandarin for a bit on duolingo but I can't even explain how much I learned about history, food, culture, forms of address, poetry, just, so much. The fandom is full of fancy smart bitches, one of my fave tumblrs is someone who majored in ancient china, and the analysis etc was just chef's kiss amazing. i wouldn't be doing chinese brush painting, and that's bringing me a lot of joy, i've never done visual art before.

I would not have learned so much about culture if it wasn't for my very tightknit group chat. I mentioned I'm on a plane to see friends? It's one of them & their spouse (who i've known since college) and one of the other people in the groupchat, who only knows them because I watched the untamed and introduced my friends. last spring us and the 4th member of the gc went on vacation together. I'm the only person who is fully monolingual, and the only one who isn't an immigrant or child of immigrants from taiwan. I've learned so much about so much of those experiences, and I didn't consider myself ignorant before, but you really need to get to know someone to understand some things (as much as you can without living it

the fic is FUCKING AMAZING. idk how many unread bookmarks i have of fic that is professional publication quality - partly because some of the authors are pro writers. I've been lucky to get to read a loooooot of fic by professional writers, cause my fandoms and ships overlapped. There is so much fic, closer to 100k than 50k i think.

i bonded with other friends by getting on calls and watching with them. i was maybe pushy lol. sadly i'm not gonna try and get anyone into mcyt

canon queer canon queer like deeply canon queer like there are extensive sex scenes in the novel and the entire thing is a gay/bisexual love story it's so good IT'S SO GOOD I CRIED SO MUCH IT'S SO GOOD. SOB SOB SOB.

xue yang my insane psycopath blorbo fuck i love him i got a painting printed on canvas hanginf over my bed.

the canon is closed. the script is a script and the actors are actors and nothing like feeling weird about the crossover can ever happen. i never got as much as i wanted with my side character blorbos but it is what it is.

Downsides

tha canon is closed ;-) I'll never get more than my 50 episodes, unless

Some drama and.... discourse has become such a loaded term. But sometimes you have things like conflict that comes up between the feelings and desires of chinese diaspora and jewish people about how things are portrayed in fic, right? And it's not fighting over nothing, it's (afaik) not fighting to fight, not fighting for clout or because you want to look cool or because you're unhappy with your life and think lashing out will help.

Also, there is fighting to fight and for clout etc. If I ever see top/bottom discourse again it will be too soon, i've got enough of that to last till the heat death of the universe

translations, man. translation is an art and i am glad to know so much more about translation but it's so frustrating to know you'll never really get it, and to try and tell people things like "i know he sounds very brusque but he's speaking ina. very fancy linguistic register and sounds fancy to the other people, and the way he said all those sentences there and they were all four characters long, that's poetic and significant and and and"

I was not inspired to write in general, I wasn't getting ideas. That wasn't notable because I've never ever ever written regularly, i wrote one yuletide fic a year for awhile, i old wrote novely. I am not someone who pops into a new fandom and writes 6 fic in 2 months cause that's the kind of thing that've done in other fandoms. this is insane. And now that i have the writing bug... well, the fic is so amazing, and plentiful, i'm not going to get much attention. i just wrote an exchange fic, my first time writing in the fandom, because my mcyt fic writing encouraged me. I am glad i did it, i made my recipient happy, and it will never get as many kudos as my least popular mcyt fic. I think it has 8, and I'm happy to get that. Here's the thing, i have so many things i *can* do with my creative energies, and multiple that i do to reach and touh other people, and i'm not going to prioritize things where i know I'm not good enough to get read. It's not that i'm choosing writing vs nothing because i want people to read it, i'm choosing writing vs. other things

Comparisons

Okay i think a lot can be pretty obvious from what I said above. We don't have that much fic, we don't have canon smut, afaik we don't have pro authors - not that you have to be pro to be good! or that all pro authors are good! but they usually are pretty good.

other people i knew irl or from my long fandom past got into it. i would get ao3 fic notification from people and eagerly check to see if they'd gotten dragged in. i do not expect that to ever ever happen here. i have ventured far away from the fandoms of my past!

For me... I was a pretty normal age in the untamed fandom, and i am wicked old here. I'm an elder millennial. When I was in my 20s I met fans in their 50s, including at cons that make it really real. I don't see any reason people should drop interests cause they age??? It's bizarre and incomprehensible to me and I always wonder how people will feel when they age. I don't think there's anything inherently childish about this source, and i am happy to talk to younger people, but it's different when you know you're at a similar level of life stuff, and the privileges that come with age. i try to be careful and aware of this with my interactions with younger people. power imbalances etc and i think i do a good job. (my fandom before the untamed, that i was much more casual about, was other youtube and that was maybe even younger?)

The canon! oh my god! LOOK AT THIS SHIT. I majored in media studies and focused on fandom and what was at the time new media and this is... y'all if i was in college now i would be writing desperately about this. As a media studies person, as a larper, as someone who is obsessed with watching the ways people can express themselves and connect and stuff grow... fuck man. SMPs????? fuck yeah!!!!!! gah!!!!! catch me sober and i can be more coherent.

connecting with people has been slower, but it's picking up. <3

the untamed had so few female charaters. empires being so female is just so amazing to me, and i *am* working on f/f, it's just. the problem is jimmy, okay? no women throw themselves at jimmy, it's not *my* fault.

i can't fucking vid it. i just. can't. i can't draw and i never finished any vids for the untamed but i have so many unfinished ones. i'm not a great vidder but i love it, and not even having the possibility... it makes me sad a lot, actually. but i need facial expressions and more dynamic footage.

in conclusion fandom is great. before the untamed i hadn't been seriously into fandom in years, i've always been in and out. it was insane how into it i got. i started watching as i recovered from major surgery, and was still deep in the pandemic blues.

mcyt has unlocked creativity in me I never ever ever expected. i'm an elder millennial and i started reading fic when i was 12 and fic writing was never gonna be my thing. in 2021 i beta read over 100k words to contribute, in 2022 i started podficcing to have some creative expression of my own. my therapist and i talk about it all the time (i've been with her since i was 19, we talk about everything, and fyi what you love can say things about what's up with you and therapists know that, talk about your blorbos). I've determined i'm not getting an answer anytime soon. The medium is a lot, right, but it's more. I don't know, but I fucking love writing like this, the satisfaction, the fact that i made someone *cry* with my silly cave ranchers fic. I've made people cry a lot with my larp writing, but that intended to make them cry, not something i wrote in a fever dream in one day.

So thank you everyone who is part of my experience, it's been really great and i hope to keep being so happy and fulfilled and encouraged in my creativity etc!

"hope that's what you wanted". i am only ever concise due to extensive editing lol :)

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

I was tagged!

Tagged by @holistic-alcoholic to do this fic game thingie.

Tagging @scottxlogan (when you're done with your current epic and have time!), @mcfiddlestan, @kleenexwoman, @chaotic-hypnotic-erotic, @mypaopu, @mistressofmuses, @elvenferretots, @scottcyclopssummers, and anyone else who wants to play.

first fic

My first first fic was a Children of the Corn story I wrote when I was 13. I wrote it in pencil. No, you don't understand. We didn't have a personal computer. This was before every single family had a personal computer, so anything I wrote was by hand. I went through a lot of paper. I wrote a lot of fanfic, essentially. All Mary Sues and all before I knew that it was called fanfiction or that other people were out there doing it. No, this story doesn't exist anymore. I think I threw it away a long time ago. The pencil was all smeared anyway.

Now, the first fanfic I wrote as a part of any fanfic community was a Jay/Silent Bob fanfic called "Give Me One Reason." It was a songfic using the Tracy Chapman song. It was the first fanfic that I wrote and posted to a Yahoo Group I was in for this pairing/fandom. No, you can't read it because it's not up anywhere anymore. No, it won't be again.

softest fic

I've got two that I think are my softest fics. Two Turtle Doves, which is a pre-X-Men First Class fic where Charles and Raven are still kids, going into the city with 'their' mom and they go to FAO Schwartz, and Raven is sad that none of the dolls look like her. The real her. Charles does a really sweet thing for her on Christmas morning.

The second is Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodnight, from @elekdragon's request for a Sam Wilson / 'little Falcon' fic of some sort based on this photo of Anthony Mackie:

fic i’m most proud of

Shit. I really hate this one because I'm proud of them all. I've done a lot of writing in the last two years, and most of them are series now, but I'm really proud of how they're all turning out. I'm playing with many favorite ships instead of any OTP. But I guess if I have to pick one (can I pick more than one?), I'll go with these:

Of everything that stands, the end This is a Tony/Bucky No Powers AU that I wrote for @comfortember 2021, and like most of my stuff, it's just the first of a series.

If it be your pleasure to cross the sleeping green between I never ever in my life thought I'd write a fic where a relationship forms between Scott Summers and Steve Rogers. Not after Bendis' travesty Avengers vs. X-Men (AvX). Just never pictured it happening. Then I thought about it and considered that it could be an interesting pair, but the right story hadn't come along. This is another Comfortember 2021 fic that @scottcyclopssummers gave me the prompt for. I'm very happy with the way it turned out, and uh. Yeah. Totally another series.

Spinning on that dizzy edge (I kissed his face and kissed his head) It's amazing what a potent superpower spite really is. This is a Scott Summers/Tony Stark fic that is actually the second 'chapter' in a series that's still on-going. Born out of wanting to piss someone off who likes to torture Scott Summers in their own fics and has claimed that they supposedly hate Tony Stark, turns out that this is a really fun and sexy and tender ship that I'm having a blast exploring. This fic is LONG. This 'chapter' or part or whatever is over 50k words and had to be broken up into chapters. It's the single longest 'chapter' I've written, and it showed me that I've got the endurance, attention span, and willpower to sit down an write something this long all as a part of one fic.

fic that shows my progress

I could easy be a facetious bitch and say 'all of them', but I won't do that. In reality, I'm going to name Behind Blue Eyes as a fic that shows my progress as a writer because, aside from rp writing, it was my first leap back into writing some m/f sexy times. This is a Loki/Emma Frost fic that takes some interesting twists to it involving Emma's telepathy and Loki's ability to shapeshift. I used to write a lot of m/f erotica that I thought was pretty hot and sexy. This fic exceeds what I used to write by so much.

favorite wip

It's so hard to pick favorites, but I think I'm going to name the whole Hemispheres series. Tony/Loki. What started out as a prompt fic, the prompt being Tony waking up in an alternate reality to discover that he's married to Loki, and what was supposed to ONLY BE A ONE-SHOT, turned into a whole entire series - my first actual series ever - of Tony coming back to his own reality at the end of the first part and deciding that he's too in love with Loki now to just let that other reality be the end of it. He determines he's going to get Loki back in his life, get him out of the Asgardian dungeon cell, and bring him back to Earth based on what he learned from that alternate reality.

Thanks for tagging me!

[sierraraeck]

Cleansing (Pt.1)

Spencer x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

If you are triggered by talk of sexual abuse and have not read how I have set up this fic, please do so. You can still read it without that content, just click here.

(This is my gif so please give credit if used)

Summary: Spencer needs help dealing with his dealer. Both of them are required to take two weeks off and they decide to spend those two weeks together. Things get hot and messy and emotional. There’s a lot going on. Story nine.

Category: Some angst, some fluff, some steam, some smut.

Warnings: Cussing. Drugs. Mentions of drug abuse. Shots fired. Discussion of prior sexual abuse. Oral (both receiving), penetrative (unprotected), fingering, creampie.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: This is my first time writing smut. Forgive me if it’s bad and I’d love to hear your feedback. Also, I know injuries don’t heal that fast but we are just going to ignore it.

Side note: Somewhere in here I hit 50k words of fanfic.

About a week or so after Spencer and I talked about our problems, the rest of the team figured it out. Or at least I assumed the rest of the team figured it out because Hotch figured it out. Well, all of it except the kiss. That no one knew about. And things would have been fine and we would have continued going to work as usual if Reid had just listened to me. But no, instead, he made a poor decision that led to us both taking a required two weeks off.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

A knock sounded at my door. I got up to check who it was through the peephole and saw that it was none other than Spencer Reid.

“Hey Doctor Genius,” I said as I opened the door to let him in. It had been two days since he’d confronted me and slept over. “What’s up?”

There was terror in his eyes, “I need your help.”

“Of course. What’s going on?” My own eyes got wider at his apparent panic.

“The guy I’m getting the drugs from. He’s threatening me,” he said. I slowly nodded.

“Threatening to what? It’s very common for dealers to threaten certain things, especially if you are late on payment. Are you in debt?” I asked.

“No, no, nothing like that.”

“Then what?”

He hesitated.

“Spencer, what?”

“I’m friends with someone who lives in the apartment complex he makes me meet him at. He’s telling me that if I don’t pay him extra, or get him information on the bureau, he is going to go in there and kill them, then expose me to the FBI,” his voice had dropped to a whisper and he sounded out of breath.

“Holy shit. How’d he find this out? Do you visit this friend often?”

“No. I’ve actually never been to the apartment complex until he made me meet him there,” Spencer said.

“What? So how does he know they live there if you’ve never visited them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think he could be bluffing?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think I can take that chance.”

I let out a huge sigh, realizing that I hadn’t exactly been breathing for the past couple of minutes. “Who’s your dealer?”

“He calls himself Koda.”

“Koda?” I confirmed, “As in, Dakoda?”

“I’d assume so,” Reid said, nodding.

“Shit!” Koda was one of the old Cloak members that I cut when making the switch to my underground ring. He didn’t go easily, and vowed that I would regret that decision. I’d caught wind that he was doing pretty well for himself right before I went to prison, and by now he was one of the most well known drug runners in the northeast.

“What? Why is that a problem?” the panic was rising in his voice.

“It’s nothing. I’ll handle it,” I said, already heading toward the door.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that this is bad, but I’m going to handle it,” I hissed.

“I’m coming with you.”

I rapidly turned to face him. “No. You’re not.”

“Yes I am. And you can’t stop me.”

“You wanna bet?” This was a situation Reid was way too close to and way too underprepared for, and I couldn’t afford having him get in more trouble than he already was. He needed to stay behind.

“Please. I got myself and my friend into this mess. Let me help get us out,” his eyes were pleading.

“Who is this friend anyway?” He just looked at me, mouth agape. He was struggling to find the right words. “Forget it. But if I’m going to be sticking my neck out for this person, they better be worth it.” I shot my eyebrows up at him.

“They are,” he quickly confirmed.

I exited my apartement, Spencer on my heels. I shut and locked my door and turned to head down the stairs. When we reached the bottom I turned to him.

“I have one rule. You let me handle this my way, and when I tell you to do something, you do it. Got it?”

“Got it.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

We reached a payphone, one that Spencer directed me to, and I unlocked the car doors to let him out.

“You make the call like you would any other. You need to meet at the usual spot and act as natural as possible,” I reminded him. He nodded and got out of the car, half speed walking, half jogging to the phone. The call only took a minute or so, and he bounced back into the passenger seat.

“How long?”

“20 minutes.” I nodded. I drove us over to the apartment complex, paying more attention now that I knew there was someone he cared about inside. Or at least he thought lived inside. We sat in the parking lot in silence, waiting for the 20 minutes to be over.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head, “I’m so stupid.”

“Reid, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t know any better. I’m just glad you came to me when you did,” I said. Yes, I was pissed that this was happening but he wasn’t to blame. He didn’t know the ins and outs of how these things worked in real time, and when it got too hard he was smart enough to ask for help instead of letting it get even messier.

The 20 minutes were up. I saw Koda peek his head out from behind the building, but no new cars had shown up. Good. He’s on foot. Which also probably means he’s alone.

“Stay here,” I said, leaving the car before Reid could protest. I reached a hand behind me, just to make sure I still had my gun, then walked confidently to the back of the complex.

When I turned the corner, Koda was grinning at me.

“Ah, Aundreya! It’s about time you showed up!”

“How’ve you been, Koda?” I indulged him.

“Oh, don’t pretend you care. We both know you’re only here to save your little pet,” he said, eyes getting bigger in excitement.

“So, how’d you know I was going to be here?”

“Please, you’re fucking everywhere! I knew you’d show up eventually. You always do.” His face looked sour.

“True. You know how much I enjoy raining on your pity parades,” I taunted.

“I do. It must hurt no longer having that amusement.”

“Not really. I, too, have moved on to bigger and better things. I don’t care if you're some hot-shot runner. You’re still just a runner,” I said, clicking my tongue and shaking my head.

“Yeah, and you of all people, are now just another one of the government’s bitches,” he said, mirroring my gestures.

“Look, I’m not here to talk about our differences in life choices. I’m just here so you know to stay the hell away from my … pet, as you so graciously put it.”

“Yeah, pass. He owes me, and I’m going to get as much bang for my buck outta this one. You understand,” he said with a wink.

I scowled and cocked my head to the side. “See, that’s the thing. I wasn’t asking.”

“You don’t control me. If you wanted to, you should have thought about that six years ago.”

I rolled my eyes and my tone was demeaning. “Still on that, huh? You have got to get over it. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but you just weren’t good enough back then.”

“Yeah, back then. I’m definitely good enough now. Your loss.”

“If that’s what you need to hear,” I said. We stared each other down.

“But to get back to the point, I’m not going to leave your boy alone.”

“Yes. You are.”

“Or what?”

I smiled. I was hoping he would ask that. Before he could blink, I had his right forearm in my left hand, stepping my right leg behind his back. With my right hand on his side, I swiftly threw his entire body weight over my hip, and he hit the pavement with a thud, knocking the wind out of him. I held onto his right arm, now taking it in both hands, and put my foot down on his shoulder. I yanked his arm as hard as I could away from his body and he let out a screech.

I bent over so I was closer to his face. “Or next time, I won’t stop here.”

I released his arm and watched it drop right next to his scrunched up face. When I turned around, Spencer’s jaw was on the ground.

He wasn’t supposed to see that.

“What the hell!” I snarled. “I had one rule!”

He was stunned, his eyes glued to Koda, so I just grabbed his arm and yanked him down the alley that led back to my car.

“Hey, Aundreya!” I turned around to face the direction of the voice. Time moved in slow motion as I comprehended Koda aiming his gun at us. With my left hand, I went to pull Spencer behind me and with my right, I reached behind me to pull out my own gun.

Two shots rang out, one quickly followed by the other, as both men collapsed.

“Spencer!” I yelled, turning to him. He was on his knees and I sunk to mine. Both of his hands were clutching his right side, just under his ribcage.

“I’m okay,” he got out between shaky breaths. I called 911.

“Spencer, you’re going to be fine, the paramedics are on their way,” I assured.

He nodded his head in Koda’s direction. “What about him?”

Only then did I remember that there was someone else in the equation. I didn’t have to look to know that he was dead, but I checked anyway. I’d hit him right between the eyes. “He’s gone.”

I rushed back to Spencer and I cradled his head as more and more blood soaked his shirt. It started to seep through his hands so I placed one of mine on top, trying to apply as much pressure as I could.

“Where are they, dammit!” How could the ambulance be so slow?

“You know … the average ambulance response time … is approximately … nine minutes … and twenty-four seconds…” he tried through labored breaths.

“Shh. Don’t talk. I’ve got you,” I said. The blood flow wasn’t slowing down any time soon, so I removed my hands from him momentarily to take off my jacket, followed by my t-shirt.

“What are you-”

“Sh. I said no talking.” I ripped my shirt into strips, trying to make as many as possible that would also get the job done. “Move your hands.”

He obeyed and I quickly wrapped each one around his body, tying knots above and on top of his wound. I ended up getting five strips out of my t-shirt which wasn’t bad. I shuffled behind him and wrapped my arms around him like a sixth layer, pressing both of my hands on his side. I helped him lean back so that his head was resting on my shoulder. Shortly after, he added his hands on top of mine, both of us working hard to preserve as much blood as we could. We were frozen together, completely unmoving, both of us focused on his breathing.

Seven minutes later, the paramedics finally arrived.

“Miss, we are going to have to ask you to move aside,” they told me. But I couldn’t. I was firmly planted where I was, unable to force myself out of the way. “Miss?”

Spencer tilted his head slightly to look up at me. He attempted a small smile and nodded. “It’s okay. They’ve got me.”

I nodded at him, then the paramedics, and reluctantly gave up my spot behind him so they could help him. I winced when I saw them hoist him onto a stretcher and load him into the ambulance.

I had tunnel vision focused on Reid.

“Miss?” I jumped. “Is this yours?”

A young, blonde haired man was holding up my jacket. “Oh, uh, yeah. Thanks.”

“You did a great job. Those knots saved him a lot of blood.”

“Thanks,” I repeated. He smiled at me and placed a quick hand on my shoulder before getting into the other ambulance that had Koda’s body covered with a white sheet.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

When I arrived at the hospital, the rest of the team had beat me there. I called them before I got into the car, following the second ambulance.

“Oh my god! What happened?” Penelope asked. She already had tears in her eyes.

“This guy was threatening Reid, so I went to talk to him about it, and he pulled his gun on us,” I quickly explained. They didn’t have to know about the drugs.

“Jeez,” JJ said, putting her hands on her head in distress. “Threatening him with what?”

“I don’t know, exactly. Just asking for information about the FBI or something.” It wasn’t my place to answer questions regarding Reid’s friend. I wasn’t 100% sure what he did and didn’t want them to know, so I tried to be as vague as possible, while also providing bits of the truth.

“How about you? Are you okay?” Emily asked. I surveyed myself and realized I looked a lot worse than I’d thought. I had slipped on my jacket before entering the hospital, but I neglected to zip it up because everything was so frantic. I had blood all over my jacket and my exposed stomach and bra. I had a few stains on my pants as well, but the worst of it was on my hands. I could tell my hair was ratted because I kept pushing it out of my face as a nervous habit. Which meant there was most likely blood in it as well.

“Uh, yeah. I’m better than I look,” I lied. I wasn’t injured, but I definitely felt like shit.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Emily said, placing a soft hand on my back, guiding me toward the bathroom.

I nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

I was able to wash off the blood on my hands and stomach, I even put my head under the faucet to clean my hair, but my clothes were a totally different story. I didn’t have any extras, so I was forced to stay in them. I returned to the waiting area with wet hair, clean skin, and my bloodied jacket, now zipped up over my bloody bra. I sat down next to Derek and across from Aaron, Emily opting to stand behind me.

“Do you think you can answer some questions?” Hotch asked.

“Yeah. For sure.”

“Where did this happen?”

“It was behind an old apartment complex off of Revered.”

“Who were you meeting?”

“Some guy, he called himself Koda.”

“Why were you going to meet him?”

“All Reid told me was that this guy was threatening him and he needed my help. I went to talk to him, just to scare him a little. He was clearly a street rat so I knew he’d know who I am.”

“Did he show up alone?”

“Yes.”

“Did you show up alone?”

“Yes. I told Spencer to stay in the car.”

“What did you say to Koda?”

“I told him to back off, he challenged that, so I tossed him on the ground, dislocated his shoulder, and told him that if he didn’t quit messing with Reid, I wouldn’t stop next time.”

Everyone on the team knew that I could be ruthless, but each time it got explicitly pointed out, I could feel the slight tension radiating from them. I learned that part of that was rage in support of me and part of that was some other mixture of emotions against me.

“Then what?”

“Then I turned around and Reid was standing there. He wasn’t supposed to be there. I’d told him to stay in the car, I made him promise me to stay in the car. But he was there, so I tried to get us both back to the car quickly. Koda said something so I turned around, and he had drawn his gun. I reached for mine as I pulled Reid behind me. I shot Koda but not quickly enough because the next thing I knew, Reid was collapsing behind me.” Tears started welling up in my eyes at the vivid memory, the gut-wrenching feeling of panic, but I willed them not to spill over.

“What did you do then?”

“I saw that the bullet had hit him in the side and called 911. Spencer asked me about Koda, so I checked to see if he was dead and he was. I tried to apply pressure to his wound with my hands, and that’s when he informed me that it would probably take the ambulance ten minutes to arrive so I knew I had to do something else. I ripped my shirt into strips and knotted them around him, trying to stop the bleeding. It helped, but he started to bleed through onto our hands. That’s when the paramedics showed up and then we were here,” I concluded. They were all nodding at my words, gentleness in their eyes.

The doctor came out, so we all stood up, practically swarming her. “Doctor Reid is going to be fine,” we all let out a collective sigh of relief, “The bullet grazed his right side and slightly fractured his lower rib. He lost a lot of blood and we had to give him pretty extensive stitches, but he is going to be fine. He will need to be hooked up to his IV over night and put in a brace for the next couple of weeks. You can see him if you want.”

We all pushed by her, nearly tripping over each other, in order to get to his room as fast as we could. He was laying down in the hospital bed, an IV attached to his arm. He smiled at us.

“Hey guys,” he croaked. He tried to sit up but winced and laid back down.

“Hey pretty boy,” Morgan said. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible actually. How are you?” he asked, directing his attention at me.

“Well, I’m not the one in the hospital bed,” I countered.

“You always say things like that. For real,” he pleaded.

“I’m fine, rattled at most. Doing a lot better now that I know your dumbass is okay,” I said raising my eyebrows. “Why’d you do that?”

“I was worried when you hadn’t come back after a few minutes. Then I heard screaming and I had to come check on you,” he replied.

“You should have listened to me, I would have been fine. Your first instinct needs to be self preservation.”

“That’s not your first instinct,” he accused.

“Yes it is,” I defended.

“It may have been at one point, but it isn’t any more. Otherwise you wouldn’t have helped me to begin with,” he argued.

“Well there are more important people in my life now than just myself.” I looked around at the people standing in that room with me, and I was glad, and honestly relieved, that it was true.

“Aww, how sweet of you! I knew you secretly cared about me!” Morgan teased, giving me a gentle nudge.

“Oh get over yourself,” I rolled my eyes, nudging him back. I looked back at Spencer who was giving me those doe eyes. “Please, just never do that again. That goes for all of you. I don’t ever wanna see anyone else in a hospital bed.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Prentiss said with a smile.

“Agreed,” Spencer said.

“I hate to break this up, but Aundreya, can I talk to you for a moment?” Hotch asked.

“Sure.” I followed him out into the hallway. “What’s going on?”

“I told the police the events you recounted to me and because it was self-defense, they are going to let you off. Of course, they are required to ask Reid a series of similar questions, corroborating your story, but you should be in the clear.” I nodded. That was good news, but there was something else. “However, because this wasn’t related to a case we were working on, I’m going to suspend you for two weeks.” There it was.

“Why?”

“A few reasons. What you went through is traumatic, you’ve been working really hard lately, and it would be good for Reid to have someone with him while he recovers. It would be good for both of you. So take the full two weeks and I don’t want to see you back before then,” he gave me a stern look that asked if I understood.

“Okay.”

He turned to walk back into Spencer’s room but quickly added, “And do everyone a favor by getting yourself and Reid clean during this time off.”

Part 2

Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl

[keensers]

1, 4, 15, 18, 20! for the fic writing meme

you delight me, anon! (from here) this got... hmm, pretty long, so most of it’s going under a cut!

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

back in december, after being wildly disappointed by tros, i thought to myself: none of this bullshit would have happened if they’d just let ahsoka and her irritating ghostly older brothers show up and train finn, who is in fact a [last name redacted] for reasons.

then i started actually plotting it out, realized my 50k concept (“Finn wakes up with a massive headache and, apparently, the ability to see dead people. Then the dead people in question start talking to him.”) needs approximately 300k of background to fully be what i want to be (an anthology love letter to the star wars universe, if it was nicer to my faves), opened a nice fresh word doc and started plotting the whole damn thing. it is called “ahsoka tano’s rules for rebels, rogues, and renegades.” in my head i call it atr4, and my tag for it is “death shall have no dominion” because, ghosts. it is very dear to me right now because i get to invent assorted relationships out of wholecloth between my favorite characters who never met in canon, which is my favorite thing to do.

so, i have two (2) actually in-progress WIPs in that universe:

the actual “Ahsoka trains Finn” headliner fic of this ‘verse, which is currently 6000 words of disconnected scenes i have typed in intermittent fugue states over the last six months

the “Obi-Wan is sad in the desert, but maybe not as sad as in canon, because, well, You Know” fic which is also the “wtf happened to Cody in this ‘verse” fic which is currently 1600 words of imperial!cody Suffering

and a list of ten (10) more that i swear are all connected. i swear it! (highlights from the list include “four almost-padawans of ahsoka tano + one who was” and “rex earns his jaig eyes at least twelve times over during the empire, and another five after.”)

the other (star wars) fic i have on my roster for codywan week (if i can swing it in time) is going to be shorter (why do i feel like i just cursed myself with that word) and the working summary (which has existed only in my head up until now) is: “fives, on the lam from the coruscant guard, the chancellor, and, worst of all, anakin skywalker, runs into cody and an unfamiliar trooper on his way to the meeting point. this has galactic consequences.” who is the unfamiliar trooper/Person In Clone Armor? 3 guesses and the first two don’t count. what are the consequences? well… we’ll see!

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

i first wrote this as a jocasta nu line in her cameo in hear me through the hum, but i liked it so much that i’ve incorporated it into atr4: “And besides, the Jedi are not made up of lightsabers and holocrons, are we? We are made up of the strength in our hearts, the deeds of our hands, and the Light which we follow.”

i think this is maybe the best way i've found of phrasing my own personal view of the jedi (not my own view of the jedi order, but my view of the jedi), which is that they’ve got access to this immense power but what actually makes you a jedi is what you do with it. it’s not the trinkets or the ancient wisdom or the code or whatever, it’s taking the power that lives in you and using it to do good even when the world is dark and the work is thankless. you can be a jedi without the order, but you can’t be a jedi if you aren’t striving for the light.

on a lighter (?) note, i’m also quite proud of the whole “obi-wan keeps trying to talk about the mission report while he’s slowly bleeding out. cody is losing his fucking mind” scene in there, because ah… that’s love, babe!

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

aw jeez. titles, since i'm usually picking from a list of 10 lines from songs or poems (or, veeery occasionally, making one up) and a lot of the time the line that is my working title isn’t the line that ends up being the final title!  

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

to be completely and honestly tbh, not… really? especially with characterization, i tend to write about characters who i have Very Firm ideas about who they are and how they would act in whatever given situation. this is good for writing (because i usually know exactly what a character would do, facing a particular choice) but sometimes bad for reading (because sometimes i'll read something and think, “that character would never do that!” even though, of course, that’s just like, my opinion, man).

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

a difficult question! because there’s so much. i include tons and tons of references in everything but for the sake of (relative) brevity i’ll say that especially in atr4 where i’ve got 2500 words JUST OF NOTES FOR THE ‘VERSE i am constantly thinking about the way everything is connected. for example, because of the comparisons i’m aiming to draw there, i currently have most of a duel between ahsoka, kylie renner, and finn written which is a close parallel of the qui-gon, maul, and obi-wan duel. (except, spoilers, ahsoka won’t get killed by a punk bitch like kyle, because reasons.)

part of this is that i love some aspects of the cyclical themes in star wars (“same eyes in different people,” legacy lightsabers, death-yet-the-force) and hate other aspects (i loathe that every sw movie is like “blood isn’t important, anyone can be a hero!” but then every freakin time it turns out that in fact, blood is important, and maybe the most important). so i tend to want to emphasize the ones i like and toss the ones i don’t.

plus, after years of writing, i have realized that there are a few well-worn themes i always circle back to, and one of those is the notion that family doesn’t define you, that it is more than blood, that you have agency over what you do and who you are and who you choose to surround yourself with. i believe in free will and have trouble with characters who think certain outcomes are Destined, but it’s a lot of fun to mess around with the concept of fate, especially in sw where it’s so ingrained in canon. screw destiny! write your own story! said every story i ever wrote.

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

Fanfic Author Meme

Tagged by @diligent-thunder and @rockmarina​ =)

Okay, so I’m me, and I talked way too much, so I’m putting this under a cut to save your dashes. You’re welcome 😘

Please do not reblog this post.

Author Name: 

Fleetofshippyships + Knowyourincantations + Legendaryroar

Fandoms You Write For: 

(in order of decreasing # of fics) Harry Potter, Voltron, Merlin, Yuri on Ice, Star Trek, Star Wars and then a few one-offs that aren’t really worth mentioning.

Where You Post: 

AO3 primarily, Tumblr, trying to post more on Pillowfort, I also post on a couple of sites for knowyourincantations

Most Popular One-Shot: 

Fleetofshippyships: Potter’s Insatiable Cock (Drarry, Explicit (duh XD), 20k (viewable only for logged-in AO3 users)).

Knowyourincantations: A Decent Start to Things (Pansmione, Teen, 7k)

Legendaryroar: Finding Time for Rest (Sheith (Voltron), Teen, 3k)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: 

RestraintNone of my old multi-chapter fics are available to read at this time and I don’t really write multi-chapter fics anymore.

If oneshot/drabble collections or two-shots count, then:

Fleetofshippyships: Vanilla and Sweet Spices (Drarry, Explicit, 2 chapters, 20k)

and this really doesn’t count, but technically it has multiple ‘chapters’ soooooooooo

Legendaryroar: Kinktober 2018 (Multiple ships (Voltron), Explicit (duh), 31 ‘chapters’, 26k)

Favourite Story You Wrote: 

I don’t think I ever have a static favourite, I’ve just written too many things, I too quickly move on to the next (and frequently forget some of my own fics exist XD), but recently I re-read In Pursuit of Red Wine (Dreville, Teen, 29k) and really enjoyed that again, and I am really attached to it cos it was my first longish rarepair fic, kind of proving to myself that I can write longer rarepair stuff. 

I also recently re-read Unburdened (Merthur (BBC Merlin), Explicit, 2k) and really enjoyed that too, had a total disconnect from having written it since it’s been so long, so I was able to read it without self-judging, and oh boy that was nice. 

I’m also quite proud of Healing What’s Left (Parkgrass, Teen, 2k) for some reason, I dunno, maybe the dark political backdrop of the fic, or maybe just cos it’s the first time I’ve written Daphne as the main character and I’m happy with the result and now have some headcanons about her rather than her being an unknown blank character to me. 

I also binge read a lot of my Voltron stuff recently and had big feels over that so....I also specifically enjoyed re-reading The Perks of Skincare (Klance (Voltron), Explicit, 3k) again cos I dunno, I like how I wrote Lance XD and also the Sheith fic I linked earlier is a fav for sure. Shiro/Rest is the ultimate OTP.

It really depends how soon after I write something or when I go back to re-read it as to what my fav is at any given time (or people commenting on it and hyping me up for it again).

Story You Were Nervous to Post: 

Everything. But most recently I was terrified out of my mind before posting: 

Friday Night by the Fire (Harry/Neville, Teen, 583 words) because I have a lot of fears about screwing up trying to write ace characters and somehow not even making that a focal point of the drabble made it even more terrifying,  No More Waiting (TianShan (19 Days), Teen, 2k) because it was a new fandom to write in, Harry Potter and the Maudlin Merman series (Drarry, Teen+ Mature, 3k +6k) due to my feelings of inadequacy because it would be better as long fic but I struggle too much with writing these days to write long fics and can only manage short things. I’d rather write this as a long fic, but then I’d never finish it so connected oneshots are the best I can do right now, but I still feel it’s not good enough and have a meltdown whenever I post one. And speaking of which, I’ve been sitting on the next one for months and should probably just fucking post it already.

Actually, most recently: Minding One’s Limits (Cho/Ginny, G rated, 1.5k), because I gave Cho a disability modeled off my fibromyalgia and wrote a scenario similar to something I’d dealt with myself, it was incredibly uncomfortable to write in the first place, and then terrifying to post, even though it’s so short. But in the end I’m proud I finally wrote about it a bit? I dunno, might take me a while to work up the nerve again though XD (also was my first time writing that ship, so there was a lot of nervousness over that too)

Oh, and I was a super ball of anxiety posting  Kinktober 2018 (Multiple ships, Explicit, 31 ‘chapters’, 26k) because for almost all of those it was the first time I was writing those kinks (and some were kind of squicks for me but I wanted to see if I could write them anyway cos I’m dumb like that) and in a lot of cases those ships were completely new for me to write too, in addition to trying to write and post 1 a day, so...yeah. Also that was my first time writing tentacle and human/werewolf smut so...yeah. I was an absolute mess that month and not in a fun way. But I’m still really glad I did it, it was fun =D

In summary, I’m always an anxious mess posting anything, but most especially if it’s something I’ve not written before or is personal to me XD

How Do You Choose Your Titles: 

Most of the time I’m staring down the empty title field in AO3 cursing like a fucking sailor when I choose titles XD Sometimes it’s a line/theme/feeling from the fic. Sometimes it’s totally random and just comes to me. Sometimes I just grasp the first thing that I can no matter how stupid it sounds cos it’s been three days and I still don’t have a title and I’m over it and ready to post before I lose my nerve.

And tbh, it’s only getting harder to think of titles as my number of fics increases, and I’ve now started thinking of the perfect titles only to realise I already have a published fic by that title so....TITLES CAN DIE A FIERY DEATH

Sometimes, not so much anymore, it would turn out that I would give a wip doc a name just so I’d know what it was, sometimes as a joke with whoever was reading it and cheerleading while I wrote it, and then I would refer to it by that and think of it as that so much that when it came time to actually give the fic a title, it was too late and I could not think past that stupid file name, and that’s how Potter’s Insatiable Cock happened, and how I very nearly called a Merthur fic Arthur’s Wanking Tower (saved that one at the last moment thank god cos the tone of that fic is actually really serious and emotional and wtf was I even thinking with that file name and actually I linked to that fic above XD it ended up being called Unburdened). 

Potter’s Insatiable Cock slipped through cos it’s actually relevant to the fic content and I could live with it.

But needless to say, I don’t give my wip docs joke names anymore XD

Do You Outline: 

Only if I never want to actually write the idea...once I outline, it’s over. I can’t write to a detailed plan. It stifles me. I’ll always get stuck having to try and think ahead to the plan, and then I lose the flow and nothing works because I’m a pantser/intuitive/instinctive writer not a planner. Sometimes I jot down ideas but in like, the vaguest of ways, usually more focused on emotional development than actual scenes or events or anything because then I won’t be able to write it (and I rarely stick to those vague ideas anyway). 

I can really only write when I’m staring down a blank doc with no idea where it’s going and discover it as I go (which is why writing is so fun for me). I can only finish a fic if I don’t think too hard about what’s going to happen next and just let it happen as I write. 

This of course means that editing is a fucking bitch when I finish anything, beginnings often get totally re-written, but if I plan, it just doesn't happen at all, so I’ll take the extra editing if it means I manage to write something.

I do have a lot of detailed plotty fic idea outlines...and I mourn them cos I’m never going to write them now, but they’re so goooooooooood XD

Complete: 

Online (across all 3 accounts): 381 (incl. my hidden drarry fics as they are technically online just hidden, not incl. individual oneshots/drabbles in collection ‘fics’, of which there are ridiculously many). Offline: 20 (I have the worst habit of just sitting on completed fics and I really need to stop)

In-Progress: 

Too many to name, last time I counted it was ~60 but that wasn’t even including my vld wips so...I don’t actually know. I hoard wips and just switch up what I work on all the time depending on mood/interest levels/effort required. 

Current main focuses are a 50k+ plotty Drarry (*fingerscrossed* cos this is my first time seriously attempting something long (will probably reach 80k at least) in a very long time and I put it down for a few months and thought that was it but then I picked it up again recently, yay!), and re-writing some hidden fics I can’t put them back up in the quality they’re in, I just can’t guys, they’re awful.

I’ve been thinking a lot about working on the longish 8th year Pansmione fic I started for the wlw big bang before I had to pull out of cos stupid life stuff. I might pick that up again for a bit too, couldn’t be more different from the Drarry one so it’d make a nice focus break =)

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: 

I don’t even plan fics I’m writing, I sure don’t plan ahead to stuff I haven’t even started XD The only think I can think of for this category would be me re-writing my hidden long Drarry fics.

Oh, and there will be a Merthur oneshot coming (hopefully) soon, because @april-thelightfury115​ won my custom fic giveaway with a merthur idea. Just waiting for my brain to cooperate so I can start that and not suck XD but I’m so fucking excited to write some Merthur again, you have no idea.

Oh, and lots more Sapphic September drabbles coming too, I’m way behind and only just posted day 11 cos this month is literal hell for me, but I am still planning on finishing the prompt list, no matter how long it takes, but no plan for those, not even which ships, I just sit down with the next prompt and a blank doc and see what happens.

Do You Accept Prompts: 

Yes, I love writing to prompts, I’m take them via google form here, but I’m in such a bad space with my health I’ve been really struggling with writing lately, managed to do a bit of editing (fuck knows how), but writing new stuff is so hard, so there’s a long wait while I wait for my fibro fog to ease off to the point I can write new stuff with more regularity (and less stupid errors I have to edit out later).

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: 

Again, I so don’t plan. But I really want to be making more progress on the long plotty drarry wip I’m trying to write. I’m still not sure I’ll have the guts to post it even if I do finish it, given its subject matter (it would make a great careers or consent fest fic tbh), but damn I’m really excited by it. Not sure I can maintain it being plotty and not revert to focusing on the relationship (which is easier for me), but I can only try and see what happens. (trying to write a non-relationship plot without planning is a nightmare but I don’t have a choice if I want to write it at all XD)

I’m also now excited for my longish pansmione wip too actually, just because it’s already longer than my Dreville long-ish fic and it’s exciting and scary to do longer rarepair stuff. I’m way out of my comfort zone with the fic itself, but I dunno, I re-read some recently and fell in love with it all over again, like, flustered lesbian-awakening, disaster for Pansy (but sure she still hates her) Hermione? YES PLEASE! and also, I am guilty of not writing female characters as much as I should because, well, canonically, they don’t have much depth and I’m very meh about them, but in this there’s a huge focus on them because they’re all determined to band together for 8th year and Hermione is making friends with them (Parvati is like, dragging her along all the time XD) where she once dismissed them so it’s scary but exciting =D I’m getting more practice with all the sapphic I do over on knowyourincantations, so I feel more confident working on this wip now =D

I’m also kind of excited about re-writing my old long fics, because they’re all 3 years old now, and my writing tastes (and skill, yikes) have totally changed, so it’s like I’m writing the story again but how I would write it now while maintaining the overall same plot, so it’s really interesting, like discovering the story all over again. Like in one (Making Malfoy Blush) I’ve gone as far as introducing a new side character to replace another’s parts because I no longer feel those parts are in character for them. It’s super terrifying, but it’s fun at the same time =) it’ll take me forever to do these though, so I dunno about ‘upcoming’ really, I only chip away every now and then when I’m unable to write new stuff but am still coherent enough to do something.

Eh, it is what it is, I can’t write like I used to, hence me being inactive more than active these days, but I’m trying to work within my new limitations instead of getting frustrated with them and just giving up entirely =)

---

Now, who to tag....I think anyone I would tag has already done it, and if not..I blame the fog if I’m forgetting someone obvious, if you wanna do it just say I tagged you so I can be nosy and take a look =)

Again, please do not reblog this post

[themagiciansreccenter]

Author Spotlight: @thursdayeuclid

Every week we interview a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

I'm a thirty-something disabled bipolar queer trans guy who publishes original m/m romance novels when I can tear myself away from fandom long enough to do so. I'm pretty blind without my glasses. I usually have blue hair, a nose ring, and a man bun. As Thursday Euclid, I write lots of happily ever afters, and as prettyclever, I do pretty much the same thing, except with other people's characters that I'm just borrowing from a surfeit of affection.

How long have you been writing for?

My first stories were written when I was a very young child, but I didn't try a novel until I was nine. It didn't quite work out--I couldn't sustain the work to complete a work of that length, and I was writing long-hand---but I tried again at twelve and managed to finish about 50k words. I had a tumultuous adolescence but eventually found myself in Harry Potter fandom in the early aughts, and then I took a long break trying to be a professional. Turns out, I couldn't stay away from tragic magical boys.

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

I was irritated with how season four was playing out. I overly identify with Eliot Waugh--he's who I want to be when I grow up; I'm 37 so I'm running way behind schedule--and his relationship with Quentin was *so* important to me. When Quentin got back together with Alice, I was like, "This is it. I've gotta write fic."

That was the beginning. A few thousand words came of it. Ever since the season four finale, though, I've done nothing but write oodles of Queliot fic with my cowriter and best friend clancynacht/charlotteschaos in my every free moment. I was already reading Magicians fic, but there just wasn't enough novel-length Queliot to suit me, so me and Char are remedying that in our own weird way.

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Eliot, because he is me in so many ways, and in all the ways he is not me, he is pure fabulosity and sex appeal. Kady, because she is just the baddest bitch. She delights me to no end. Penny 40, because his sass is killer, as is his tsundere ish, and I just really miss him. Char always writes Quentin and Margo when we collaborate because she's fantastic at channeling them, so I stick to my own faves.

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

I didn't really start writing fic until s4, but (extrapolated) S5 has been my favorite thing to write. I've also loved the Mosaic fic we're writing based on 3x5 and 4x5. Most of what I read is totally AU, though.

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

We've now posted like 225,000 words of Queliot fic, still working on Sound & Color, and we're also working on another novel-length fic for Magicians Hallmark Holiday Exchange as I type this. Since it's all anon, I can't tell you much about our story except that we've already written 65,000 words of it, and the mutual pining is real, y'all. It's very festive, and Quentin is an adorable sad boi and Eliot is very soft and spook and also protective.

How long is your “to do list”?

Char literally made a Basecamp list of everything I should be doing outside of fic, but when it comes to fandom, it's really just MHHE and Sound & Color. We write together really rapidly. For example, when we wrote It's Never Over, we were done with over 100k in a month.

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

Definitely It's Never Over. It's crackalicious and full of book canon references, and it's the Magicians Season 5 Queliot fans deserve. I'm so proud of how that one turned out. I've never written a story in fandom that people were so passionate about, either. It was published immediately after that heartbreaking finale, and people really responded to how we resurrected Quentin. Also all the smut, because there's so much smut in that story. Sex magic left and right.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

I hoped Sound & Color would get more attention than it did. It's a long, weird (not quite complete yet) trip through 3x5 A Life in the Day. There's already a lot of Mosaic fic out there, and it's a crowded field, although I think Sound & Color stands apart for being so complete and slice-of-lifey. It's not just focused on the most dramatic moments, but on their entire lives together from beginning to end because I couldn't get enough of imagining it. It's a long, thorough exploration.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

I like to listen to Radiohead when I write. It's inspiring and relaxing and keeps the words flowing. Also, Char often creates Spotify playlists for our stories, and I'll listen to those to set the mood as we write. Sometimes I listen to Kpop while writing too, because I only understand one word in fifty and it provides excellent background rhythm.

Because I collaborate with Char on just about everything, we used to write together in Google Docs before migrating our process over to OneDrive through Microsoft Word, which also lets us see each other's work in real time and edit each other's additions to the story. In a lot of ways, it's similar to roleplaying, which is why we can write 100k in a month without getting burned out. We've been working together like this for more than ten years now, so we've got it down.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I prefer writing canon-compliant stories during hiatus and writing AUs while the seasons are airing. Historically, I tend to only read in a fandom until hiatus, and then I start writing. Coming from a book-based fandom (Harry Potter), Magicians feels very different dynamically and has different demands.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

Definitely The Fake Dating One Where El's Parents Come to Visit, because it was different from what I'm used to writing. For one, it was short(ish) and two, Eliot's parents were drawn from my parents, who are also extremely religious, conservative, small town bigots. It cut closer to the bone in a lot of ways, but it was also different because Quentin ended up taking a more dominant, protective role, really exhibiting his innate bravery, and it was a little uncomfortable letting Eliot be rescued by Quentin just because I identify so much with El.

Are there any themes or tropes that you like particularly like to explore in your writing?

Idiots in love, mutual pining, fake dating, dicks & daddy issues, biphobia and bi erasure in queer culture, mental illness, family of choice, friends-to-lovers

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Lev Grossman, JK Rowling, JRR Tolkien, George RR Martin, Stephen King, NK Jemisin, Owlet (her Infinite Coffee series is incredible if you like Stucky), and Olen Steinhauer.  

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

I just finished reading Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari, which I admit I read just because Chris Evans recommended it, and wow am I glad I did. Changed the way I look at the world.

Now I'm working my way through the Inheritance Trilogy by NK Jemisin, the Raven Tower by Ann Leckie, the Fever King by Victoria Lee, and All the Old Knives by Olen Steinhauer.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

Practice makes perfect. If you don't give it your best every day and work on it even when you don't feel as inspired, you'll never develop the muscles it requires to perfect your craft.

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

My characters murmur way too much. Also honestly, just, like.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

It was called "Isildur's Bane" and it was a really insanely nerdy LOTR fic about Isildur and the One Ring. It was gen, and it had none of the characters/pairings people actually wanted to read about, but I was damn proud of it. I have no idea what happened to it. It's been almost twenty years.

Rapidfire Round!

Self-edit or Beta?

For fic, Char and I edit each other as we go. I'd love to have an actual beta, but I do not have one.

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes?

Comments feed my soul. They used to give me anxiety, but now they are my everything.

Smut, Fluff or Angst?

angst with a happy ending

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn?

slow burn, to read and to write

Favourite Season?

Season Three

Favourite Episode?

All That Hard, Glossy Armor

Favourite Book?

The Magician’s Land

Three favourite words?

herculean, susurrus, callipygian

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

[lunestival]

🌟12/18, sean🌟

it’s been..two years since his pseudo suicide. i still think of him so much and miss him all the time. he’s still one of my best friends, i still think of all the good he did for me. the truths of his passing will always be close to my heart. was it weird for a 50+ yr old man to be friends with a young girl??? i was... 21 by the time he died, i think, but in his journal he said i was 18 lol!!! he still saw me as the same kid i was when we met. “frankly, i have love for her” frankly, i loved you too. you’ll always be a huge part of my heart and a big catalyst in my life.

i got a papercut on my middle fingr of my right hand. it hurt a lot when i put on sanitizer today. which i have to do every time i do a piercing. speaking of which a lady and her 19 yr old got mad at me for telling her she probably didn’t want to go through the scarring on her daughter’s ear. it wasn’t a keloid but it felt similar lol bitch see if i care if she’s prone to ache an infection!!! it’s not like i do this or a living. i just smiled and that made them even more angry. that’s how we get shit done.

i drank a Hard Lemonade because it tastes like bubbly lemonade but now i feel a little sick cause i drank it like juice instead of alcohol LOL i’m not at all supposed to be drinking alcohol while taking anti depressants, as i’ve SEEN that it really has an effect on my mood, but i’ve been ok abt it lately. i just......like the taste of fizzy lemonade

i miss my daddy (ONCE AGAIN REAL BIOLOGICAL FATHER) he’s gone past christmas so i’ll be spending christmas alone...... :( at least i’ll have semmy. we’re gonna play kingdom hearts on christmas and/or watch the cinematics. when i was a kid christmas always put me in a kh mood, i remember reading 50k+word fics on christmas break; one year i got the first manga set as a present and spent all day reading it next to the christmas tree. “the window is dyed a nostalgic color”

my tmj has been flaring up again recently and my jaw REALLY hurts. i went to a new dentist but they didn’t at all care about helping me. they just tried to swindle me into their 3000$ hygiene program......told me to get an over the counter mouth guard. the BUTTS

kitty and davey got me monster hunter for christmas, eric got me smash <3 i love all of them......having good friends is so new to me. this time last year my friend group were the type of people to call me sjw when i asked them not to use slurs around me. but being friends with people who actually care about my feelings and think similarly to me is really refreshing. it’s been a long time since i had that, it’s something i really need, this year is so different to he last. being near cute girls helps too. sunshine is cute she painted me a picture of hello kitty for christmas it was so precious

the new kingdom hearts trailer has me really emotional. it’s kinda dawning on me that this huge part of my life is seeing some conclusion soon. sora riku and kairi are all in a polyamorous relationship and dating. i’m really looking forward to lea and kairi’s relationship after seeing this last trailer, i’m pretty sure it’ll be a/the big highlight of 3 for me.

i wonder if my mama misses me i haven’t been able to draw lately lune has been very affectionate

[samwell-actually]

Zimbits Fic-Rec

Although I have my all-time favorite OMGCP fic bookmarked on my Ao3 page, I wanted to compile a master list of all of my favorite OMGCP Ao3 fic to have in one place on my tumblr. And since I’m that neurotic, I thought it might also be nice to break-up each ship as well: 

You Never Said You Wouldn’t So Here I Am | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 10k. Eric just wants to get past this crush, but Jack keeps getting in the way.

Phone, Please! | twentysomething One-Shot, 5k Five Times Jack Took Bitty's Phone (And One Time Bitty Put It Away Himself)

Ice Crew Please! | rosepetals42 Completed Multi-Chapter, 61k Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is. He’s not, of course. Enter the Ice Crew.

écrit dans les étoiles | gurlsrool One-Shot, 5k Jack didn't go to Samwell and Bitty doesn't follow hockey but through the bathroom of a Beyoncé concert, a ticket to a Bruins game, and a lot of texting, they come together anyways.

Positive Image | twentysomething One-Shot, 4k When Bittle first showed up at a meeting with management, sitting next to Sara with wide, scared eyes, Jack didn't think he had a chance in hell.

I never saw the signs | biblionerd07 One-Shot, 4k Bitty gets asked out on a date, but he's already spoken for. It wouldn't be a problem, really, except he didn't know he was already spoken for.

Mixing It Up | sinspiration Completed Multi-Chapter, 41k Eric Bittle, of Bitty's Bakery, is very excited to have been chosen as a contestant for the Food Network Challenge. He's even more excited to find out that he's making a cake for the NHL new-Cup winners, the Falconers.

Being in Motion | marswithghosts Completed Multi-Chapter, 54k Watching a college boy jerk off online for money is not what Jack Zimmermann ever saw himself doing. Getting to know that boy is something he expected even less.

found out | applecrumbledore Completed Multi-Chapter, 20k “Bitty, you have finally rose to the rank of ‘bad roommate who brings people home and has loud sex,’ and we love it. It’s lonely here at the top. And now, you’ve joined us.”No one notices Jack, at the far end of the table, staring at his bacon.

A Little Bit Closer | marswithghosts Completed Multi-Chapter, 108k Children’s librarian Eric Bittle falls for Boston Bruins forward Jack Zimmermann.

Hold It All At Bay | psocoptera Completed Multii-Chapter, 50k The theory of extrapolative synchronization of the mirror neurons was debunked back when he was still in his teens, so Jack is reluctant to mention that he can smell Bitty's pies baking from across campus.

naked ambition | asfroste One-Shot, 2k The one where Jack strips down for ESPN The Magazine's Body Issue and Bitty has some...issues with it. issues involving inconvenient boners.]

live through this and you won’t look back | nighimpossible One Shot, 4k The worst part about falling in love with a straight boy is definitely not watching him date girls. No, the worst part about falling in love with a straight boy is that you never even had a shot.

Here Come the Dreams | porcupinegirl Completed Multi-Chapter, 26k Sometimes it seems like Jack can't go anywhere in Providence without being hounded for autographs, so he's relieved when the people who work at the coffee shop in his new neighborhood don't seem to recognize him.But the cute baker who owns the shop, Eric, has a few surprises for him - and maybe Jack has a few of his own in return.

say it’s been a long six months | biblionerd07 One-Shot, 10k Jack falls in love, comes out, and loses his friends. Not quite in that order.

Helpless | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 19k “So we should ask Bits and Lardo to come with us to New York,” Shitty said. Jack turned to look at him, frowning. “Seriously?”“ Yeah, man. I mean, I know this was supposed to be just you and me, but… We both know those two are gonna be part of our lives after graduation. It’d just be like. Getting a head start on it.”

make this house a home | bleepobleep One-Shot, 2k With the prospect of an empty Haus for Thanksgiving, Jack invites Bitty over to his new place in Providence. As friends, of course.

i don’t see your name on it | heyfightme One-Shot, 5k that old chestnut of soulmates’ names being branded on each others’ wrists. jack and bitty, from the moment their names appear to the beginning of the rest of their lives.

Catfishing for Dummies | andquitefrankly Completed Multi-Chapter, 12k Eric Bittle hadn’t planned on signing up for online dating.He also hadn’t planned on messaging the super obvious catfish masquerading as Jack Zimmermann. And he definitely hadn’t planned on possibly falling in love with him.

if there’s anything on my face you put it there | jedusaur One-Shot, 2k “You don’t have to tell them it was me. I mean, you don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop leaving marks if you want me to. Just…“ He lifts up Jack’s shirt and touches one of the hickeys. When he looks back up, his eyes have gone dark. “I really, really like it. Do you mind?”

forget the wax and feathers | decinq One-Shot, 6k Bittle scores against Yale and Jack acts like a son of a bitch. They’re not friends.

bold; over the worst of it | decinq One-Shot, 3k “Spring C,” Jack says, “is full of mystery.”

when it’s over (you’re the start) | onawingandaswear Completed Multi-Chapter, 13k Jack goes to sleep in Providence next to his boyfriend and wakes up in Montréal to discover he’s been in a coma since 2009. Refusing to believe Samwell, Bitty, and the Falconers were all a dream, Jack tracks down the real Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, and Holster to find they’ve shared the same group hallucination for years. Now, they’re on a mission to find Bitty, the love of Jack’s non-existent life, and the only member of SMH they can’t seem to get in contact with.

is it too late now to say sorry | magneticwave One-Shot, 5k I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS, Eric types furiously into Twitter. THIS IS LIKE RENAMING LAKE WOEBEGONE “LAKE SCOTT WALKER.” // Or, the only person in the entirety of Canada who is upset about Jack Zimmermann’s first Stanley Cup is Eric Bittle, and by God is every single one of Eric’s 160,000 Twitter followers going to hear about it.

providence loves you | nightwatch One-Shot, 8k Bitty loses his phone.He dies (approximately) a thousand deaths when he finds out that it’s Jack Zimmermann who found it.

through the crowd | kirkaut One-Shot, 4k The notification sound isn’t the one that he’s got assigned to Jack, which is why he doesn’t feel any panic when Holster hums an agreement and leans over to peer at Bitty’s phone screen.At least, not until Holster says his name in the tone of a person with a slowly growing suspicion. “Bitty,” he says, very expectantly. “Who is ‘Good Robert’, and why is he blowing up your phone?”

the backpacker’s guide to the aftermath of gap year hookups | heyfightme Completed Multi-Chapter, 20k In which Eric Bittle absconds from Georgia with half a year of hard-earned savings, and makes the most of his six months before starting college living a backpacker’s dream in Europe. On the final night of his travels, the night before a giant reality check and with the threat of a future looming over him, he meets a fellow traveler. There is etiquette, for sure, about hooking up in a hostel dorm.

gonna wanna make it move | decinq One-Shot, 8k He spends so much time thinking ahead–being careful, holding onto everything so tightly with his shaking hands–that it’s easy to forget that he’s an honest to god dipshit.

Jack Zimmermann is a Masochistic Fuckwit | porcupinegirl One-Shot, 11k Bitty decides to go home for Thanksgiving his sophomore year - so he can come out to his parents. When Coach Bittle is in denial, the boys in the Haus decide that Bitty needs to bring a boyfriend home for Winter Break. A boyfriend chosen from the very attractive ranks of SMH, of course.Why does Jack volunteer?Because he’s a masochistic fuckwit, that’s why.

Passing Notes | marswithghosts One-Shot, 4k Jack Zimmermann is charming, and Bitty enjoys the way he writes the B in Bittle. He knows he’s being stupid, but his life consists of seventh graders and baking pies; he’s allowed to have a little bit of a fantasy.

the road leads back to you | heyfightme One-Shot, 9k Bitty meets Jack Zimmermann on 5 AM on a Sunday morning after someone set their grilled cheese on fire in his dorm. He doesn’t really expect that they’ll become friends. Or that he’ll become friends with an entire hockey team.

someone to count on (and other cheesy idioms about finding your soulmate) | heyfightme & Omgpieplease One-Shot, 9k (+ art!) Another soulmate AU, this time with pining, lying, and a lot of assumptions.

Bad Coffee and Ugly Running Shoes | alocalband One-Shot, 4k The Captain of the Providence Falconers lives in Bitty’s neighborhood. Well, more specifically, he lives somewhere within jogging distance of Bitty’s barely surviving first venture into small business ownership. During the preseason, he visits Bitty’s bakery at exactly 6:35 in the morning every weekday, without fail. He keeps his gorgeous blue eyes trained on anything and everything that isn’t another human being the entire time he’s there. And he only ever buys a cup of coffee. Bitty kind of hates him.

give my regards to summer romance | gurlsrool One-Shot, 2k SK 6:48 p.m.FUCKINDEETSJACKFUCKINLAURENTFUCKINZIMMERFUCKINMANN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JZ 6:50 p.m. It was nice.

Just Spit It Out | porcupinegirl One-Shot, 2k Jack can't believe he just heard the words on his soulmark from the mouth of the gorgeous new waiter at the diner he frequents. But now the pressure is on - what if he says the wrong thing back? Can you screw up meeting your soulmate?

All the Love in the World | alocalband One-Shot, 3k Bitty’s hands are shaking. He has five missed calls from Jack, two from Chowder, one from Lardo, and an astronomical number of yet to be viewed text messages. It’s not that he hasn’t been checking his phone, it’s that every time he’s picked it up at an alert, all he’s been able to do is stare at it. Which is what he’s doing now, as he waits for his mother to finish speaking with the doctor at Coach’s bedside.

the road leads back to you | gurlsrool One-Shot, 9k “That’s prom, right? You walk in on your friends boning, bone someone yourself, eat some chips.” / The boys find out Bitty didn't get to attend his high school prom so they throw their own.

Will Wonders Never Cease | porcupinegirl Completed Multi-Chapter, 57k You’ve Got Mail with a magical twist.

A Clerical Error | 1electricpirate One-Shot, 7k “There aren’t any twins left,” Lardo’s telling them, stress evident in the corners of her eyes and the tight clench of her jaw. The hotel is cheap and conveniently located, but the payoff for that is terrible management and a logistical nightmare. “Just a double. You’ll have to share.

Eric Bittle Got Married | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 27k If you could do it all again, would you change anything? (The time travel fic no one asked for.)

Something Rational | porcupinegirl One-Shot, 1k Jack knows tonight was a turning point, but it's not over yet. He won't be able to relax until he's sure they're on the same page about this.

It’s an Investment | imaginarycircus One-Shot, 1k Jack hasn't bought anything for his kitchen in Providence because he wants Bitty to pick everything out. That way he'll feel right at home when he moves in, but they haven't talked about that yet.

Graduation Day | iboatedhere One-Shot, 27k It takes Jack 50 days to finally see what's been right in front of him for the past two years.

the road leads back to you | heyfightme Completed Multi-Chapter, 56k Jack Zimmermann is an established hockey player. He’s three years in to his NHL career, has had the A for the Falconers for two and a half, and is ready to make winners out of the new group of rookies. He pulls one under his wing, affectionately nicknamed Poots, and it should all go as planned. But say Jack accidentally discovers that Poots has a boyfriend. And say that Poots wasn’t a very good boyfriend. And say, for arguments’ sake, Poots’ boyfriend definitely deserved better. Jack is maybe, possibly, totally fucked.

don’t you tell me i’m dreaming | gurlsrool One-Shot, 4k “It’s me,” Jack’s voice comes low and hits him hard. You are not in love, Bitty reminds himself. He is not in love with you and you are not in love with him.

[melanoradrood]

Writer’s Meme

tagged by: @leaiorganas who is always amazing.

1) How many works in progress do you currently have?

... Oh so that’s how this is going to go? I’m going to get personally attacked right now? *opens up google docs to start counting*

I have four original fics, one of which is at 70k words, and I haven’t updated in for forever. I have 1 annamis fic, 1 tudoryork fic, and 1 giant coffee shop blend of all my otps with soulmate play fic.

For The Vampire Diaries / Klaroline, I have 1 follow up to an old fic I did, Only For You, and a Hot Hybrid Sex smut fic, and then of course I have Queen of the Heartless which is over 100k words but I’m not posting that one again until it’s basically done since I abandoned it for five years on ff.net.

For Teen Wolf, I have... we’ll just say that it’s 7 incomplete fics, the word count of all of them combined is 50k, and they’re all 75% completed but I suck at finishing shit.

And now... for Star Wars. Uhhh... let’s start with saying I have 20 prompts in my ficlet google doc. And uhh... I have 12 that are fully formed ideas that are bulleted out that haven’t gone further than that... and then I have 9 that have words and at least one chapter completed...

-coughs a lot- calling a bitch out on a wednesday...

So not including ficlet prompts... OH IT’S ONLY 38 WOW I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE WAY WORSE.

-kicks the plot bunnies google doc into the back so we don’t have to count that one-

SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED AN AU I FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN DAMMIT

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

LOL given that I am a fanfic writer... but I also write original stuff sometimes but so yeah. Fanfic is great. You can take a world already created and play in it, or you can world build further, and it’s really great practice. Some people say “oh you’re just using someone else’s ideas” but it’s your ideas you’re putting them into, and further, you’re writing someone else’s character conception, and trying to figure out how they would respond and act in an entirely different situation, and it’s great practice for a writer to be in those positions.

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

Oh my god I love paper books so much, I have an entire fucking library, multiple bookshelves, stacked two deep, with books laying flat on top... I also have a toddler so you know your girl reads ebooks on her phone.

4) When did you start writing?

LOL way back in middle school. I actually started with, of all the things, writing fanfic for the Wheel of Time series, because I wanted more stuff on people we hadn’t learned much about. I READ a lot of other fanfic, but I really wrote a lot of Wheel of Time stuff... but I would say that my writing didn’t really take off until like 2011 and I was sitting in Japan bored and what was previously me just jotting down little short stories that I inevitably deleted became me writing giant fanfics. Like I wrote creative writing in college and got a few things out there and published under a pseud but I wasn’t writing anything like this at all.

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god no.

Like not even my Original Work, I keep it wrapped up. My husband USED to read it but after a while he was just like I’ll read your original stuff not the fanfic because we don’t like the same shows at all, literally, like we argue over the netflix ( i mean okay we watch historic stuff but i rarely write historic fanfic ) and I stopped writing a lot of Original stuff so yeah.

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

To be honest, sitting in my bed, a coffee on the table beside me, wit hthe bed made and the room all clean, and the fan going and just... ahhh. I can kick back and relax and just write.

7) Favorite childhood book?

Don’t put that on me oh god.

8) Writing for fun or publication?

Fun. I would LOVE to publish, but that’s just not in the cards for me. For starters, you actually have to FINISH shit...

9) Pen and paper or computer?

COMPUTER. I used to have a notebook where I physically wrote down ALL of my ideas and plot points and my gameplans and connections and ideas... and then about a year ago, my toddler got it, ripped it up, drew on it, chewed on it... so many ideas lost... so now it’s all on my computer. Even notes for gifsets I plan to do are kept in a notepad .txt file lol

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

LOL I studied history in college so I think every class was about writing, but I did Ancient Lit as my minor, and I ended up taking a Creative Writing class because it qualified as “The Arts” for some odd reason, which is when I was then published off and on. That was so long ago, though, I don’t even remember what in all I wrote and published except for some poem about people being roses and the end of it was basically people fucking suck even if they smell sweet they have thorns. LOL?

11) What inspires you to write?

Fuck if I know? Escapism? Wanting to read it so I just write it? I have no idea I just enjoy it.Oh gosh this was a beast... 

Tagging: @gloriouswhisperstyphoon, @dracosollicitus, @cats-and-metersticks, @atthelamppost, @imsfire2, OH GOD WHY AM I FAILING TO THINK OF URLS THIS MORNING DO THIS IF YO UHAVENT @  EVERYONE

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

Everyone Loves Toshi-Senpai

Summary: Aizawa is annoyed when his best friend Hizashi starts crushing on Yagi Toshinori or “Toshi-senpai”, as he’s affectionately known, a popular student in the grade above theirs, but when his bitterness gives way to admiration, Aizawa is more confused by his feelings than ever before. 

Notes: HERE COME MY FIRST BNHA FIC O SHIT WADDUP its NOT the angst fic i was talking about yesterday- thats still coming dont worry- instead its allrasermight in an au where toshinori is only a year or two older than mic and aizawa and mic is Big Gay for Toshi-senpai and low key secret gay for aizawa who is gay for both of them and its my first time writing for any of these characters- and BOY did i not know how to characterize young toshi- and hopefully in the future ill be able to do them justice. This is dedicated to my comrade @theseerofdoomisunaltered who forcibly dragged me into this fandom with his 50k word magnum opus, thanks bitch ily 

***************************************************************************************

Hizashi was excited.

That was nothing new to Aizawa; in the months since they had first became classmates at UA, he had learned that Hizashi could get excited over literally anything, from the prospect of trying on their hero costumes for the first time to spotting a neat bird on the way to school. Hizashi always bubbled over with joy and enthusiasm, and although Aizawa was just the opposite, keeping his emotions hidden so deep inside he hardly felt them himself, he admired Hizashi’s passion and vibrant personality. Aizawa didn’t smile much, but when he did, it was often around Hizashi.

Aizawa wasn’t upset that Hizashi was excited- far from it- but on one particular morning, he found the cause of his excitement insufferable.

“-and I saw Toshi-senpai in the hallway again!” Hizashi gushed, wrapping his arms around himself. “That’s twice in the past two weeks- do you think it’s fate?”

Aizawa grit his teeth. Yagi Toshinori was a student in the grade above them, but his reputation was inescapable. Rumor had it that during his intership in the first year, he had saved his mentor’s life by defeating the villain that knocked him unconscious. The only injury he suffered was a broken leg, and only as a result of the sheer destructive force of his quirk. About a month ago, Toshinori had been on the news after single-handedly facing off against three villains- identical triplets with identical gas-manipulation quirks- and incapacitating them before pro heroes even arrived, and most students had begun referring to him by his hero name: All Might.

Ever since the triplet incident, Hizashi had begun to develop a bit of a crush on Toshinori, and after he had “accidentally”- Aizawa would bet his life it was on purpose- bumped into him in the hallway a couple weeks ago, that crush had evolved into full-blown infatuation. From the way Hizashi talked about it, Aizawa assumed nearly breaking his nose by smashing face-first into Toshinori’s back was his fondest memory.

“-and I said, ‘Oh, no, I’m totally fine, thank you, All Might,” Hizashi had said when telling his story to Aizawa for the first of many, many times. He widened his eyes and held up his hands as if re-enacting the moment. “And then he said-” Hizashi narrowed his eyes, puffed out his chest, smiled, and tried to make his voice sound deeper. “-‘Call me Toshi’!” Hizashi grabbed Aizawa’s hands and squeezed them. “Can you belive it? He asked me to call him by his nickname! It just goes to show how humble Toshi-senpai is, doesn’t it? He’s so cool, and brave, and strong, but he’s still another student, like anybody else. And his voice!” Hizashi sighed. “If this pro hero thing doesn’t work out, he should totally do a radio show.”

In most cases, Aizawa felt himself get swept up by Hizashi’s endless enthusiasm, but to hear that passion and joy used to describe another person filled Aizawa with an indeterminate, inarticulate sense of annoyance and frustration.

I wonder if he ever talks about me that way. . .

Two weeks later, Hizashi was still riding the high of that moment, and now he wondered if a second chance encounter in the hallway of a school they both went to every day was the work of destiny.

Aizawa could see Hizashi’s wide, expectant eyes shining behind his sunglasses, and he couldn’t find it within himself to crush his hope with logic. “Who knows?” he said with a shrug. “Destiny’s weird.”

Destiny- or coincidence, as Aizawa would have liked to call it- intervened once again in the afternoon as Hizashi and Aizawa were getting ready to go home after class. In the deluge of students flooding the hallways, Hizashi spotted another of his upper-classmen idols standing back against the wall and watching students go by with a disgusted yet self-satisfied expression: Endeavor.

Aizawa scowled. For every issue Aizawa had with Hizashi’s beloved Toshi-senpai, he had five problems with Endeavor, not least of which being his insistence on being called his ever-so-creative hero name. Toshinori might be a bit of a show-off, but at least he wasn’t a self-aggrandizing dumpster fire. As was often the case, Hizashi did not share Aizawa’s opinion.

“Holy shit on a stick, it’s Endeavor!” Hizashi said in a hushed tone that would be qualified as a normal speaking voice for anyone else. He grabbed Aizawa’s hand and started yanking him in his direction. “Oh, we’ve got to say hi to him- I have so many questions! He’s one of Toshi-senpai’s rivals- can you imagine how strong he must be? And such a cool quirk, too! Not quite as cool as Toshi-senpai’s, of course,” he added. “But still- who wouldn’t want to be covered in fire?”

Aizawa rolled his eyes. “Most people, Hizashi. Look,” he said, removing his hand from Hizashi’s and crossing his arms. “Are you really sure we should just go up to him and start up a conversation? He’s got a reputation for having a shit temper, you know.”

Hizashi waved his hand. “Oh, I’m sure it’s just rumors. I bet he’s a real nice dude once you get to know him! C’mon, let’s introduce ourselves!”

Aizawa had his doubts, but that was all the more reason not to let Hizashi approach Endeavor alone. “Fine,” he muttered, letting Hizashi take his hand again. “But if we die, I’m not going to your funeral, and you’re not invited to mine.”

Five seconds later, Endeavor had Hizashi pinned to the wall with one hand. “What’d you say to me, you little bitch?” he snarled, flames jumping.

Hizashi yelped and tried to cover his face. “I-I just wanted to know. . . how you use your quirk without your eyebrows burning off!”

Endeavor held up his other hand as flames roared to life across his palm. “How about you pay real close attention and find out?”

“Stop!” Aizawa stepped forward, forcing his eyes to stay open so he disable Endeavor’s quirk.

Endeavor’s flames died down, but his eyes burned as he turned to face Aizawa. “What was that?”  he growled, letting go of Hizashi and balling his hands into fists. Aizawa’s eyes were starting to water, but he willed himself not to blink for as long as he could, at least long enough to distract Endeavor while Hizashi got away. Unfortunately, Hizashi seemed stunned, and he stayed where he had fallen onto the ground, staring up at Aizawa.

“Run, you idiot!” Aizawa thought as his eyes started to tear up from dryness. “Don’t you know I can’t keep this up for long?” The moment the thought crossed his mind, Aizawa blinked.

Endeavor grabbed the collar of Aizawa’s shirt and yanked him into the air as smoke began to curl upward from his hand. Before he could release his flames in earnest, he was distracted by a cheerful yet somehow intimidating voice.

“What’s got you fired up this time, Todoroki-kun?”

Hizashi gasped, eyes widening. “Toshi-senpai!”

Aizawa couldn’t see Toshinori since he was facing the opposite direction, but he could picture him in his mind’s eye: a tall, muscular boy with an explosion of blond hair and blue eyes that somehow always seemed to be shrouded in shadow, no matter how bright his surroundings. Aizawa pictured him standing in a casual yet confident pose- one hand on his hips, maybe- and smiling, of course, for aside from his quirk, the one thing Toshinori was known for was his ever-present smile.

Endeavor let go of Aizawa instantly, plastering a false smile- more of a grimace- onto his face. “Toshinori,” he said, spreading his hands and speaking in a smooth, even voice, quite a contrast from the way he had snarled his words earlier. “How’s your arm doing? You broke it again after your last fight, didn’t you?” His smile became slightly more genuine but far more cruel. "Strange how that happens. Usually, it’s only children who hurt themselves using their quirks, not students at the most exclusive hero academy in the nation.”

Aizawai glanced at Toshinori’s left arm, which was suspended in a sling. Rumor had it his quirk still got the best of him for time to time; he could defeat any rival or challenge, but his real struggle was doing so without landing himself in the hospital. Again.

Aizawa couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Served him right for being so impulsive and eager to show off his flashy quirk. Sure, brute force could carry him pretty far, but if he couldn’t even control it enough to keep from snapping his bones like chopsticks, Aizawa doubted Toshinori was as devastatingly powerful as everyone made him out to be.

The jab at his quirk’s instability didn’t phase Toshinori. His smile broadened, but his eyes were cast in shadow. He took a step forward; Endeavor took a step back. Then, embarrassed, Endeavor stepped forward again, scowling. Aizawa was surprised by how much taller Toshinori was than Endeavor, how much stronger he looked, how- Aizawa hated to admit it, even to himself- but how heroic he looked, towering over Endeavor with a smile on his shadowed face.

“I had a bit of an incident, but Recovery Girl fixed it up, more or less,” said Toshinori brightly, touching the sling with his uninjured hand. “Besides, I doubt I need both hands do deal with something like this.”

Endeavor’s flames flared outward, scorching the wall behind him. Hizashi yelped and scooted backward until he was pressing against Aizawa’s legs. Aizawa grabbed his shaking shoulders and dragged him to his feet. “Stand up,” he murmured in Hizashi’s ear. “Don’t you want to make a good impression on your precious Toshi-senpai?"

Something seemed to spark in Hizashi, and he stopped trembling.

“‘Something like this’?” Endeavor roared, clenching his massive fists. His flames writhed like a mass of snakes. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Even though Aizawa had his eyes on Toshinori, he didn’t see him move; all he knew was, in less than a second, Toshinori disappeared and rematerialized beside Endeavor. “It means fighting in the hallway is against school policy, Todoroki-kun,” he said, still smiling. “And so is swearing.” He beamed at Aizawa and Hizashi. “We have to set a good example for the first years, don’t we?”

Aizawa could practically feel Hizashi swooning. “If you faint into my arms right now, I swear I’ll let you fall,” Aizawa hissed.

Endeavor growled, but Toshinori just looped his uninjured arm around his shoulders, seemingly oblivious to the flames licking his skin. “You should really get going now,” Toshinori said in a warm, almost sympathetic tone. He tightened his arm around Endeavor’s shoulders, causing him to yelp in pain or fear. “I’d hate to see you get in trouble.”

Endeavor shoved Toshinori’s arm away, infuriated. “I’ll get you one day,” he growled, turning on Toshinori as his flames mounted higher and higher. “You think you’re hot shit just because your quirk lets you punch hard, but one day you’ll meet someone who can punch back even harder.” A sickening smile spread across his face. “And it’ll be me.”

Toshinori just laughed and gave Endeavor a friendly slap on the back, forcing him to stumble forward and fall to his knees. “Hope you have better luck with that than you did on the midterms, Todoroki-kun,” he chirped, waving goodbye. “See you in class tomorrow!”

Endeavor shot one last venomous look over his shoulder at Toshinori, then stormed down the hallway, grumbling and smoking.

As soon as he was out of sight, Hizashi threw himself at Toshinori. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Toshi-senpai!” he squealed. “You saved our lives!”

Toshinori laughed- a rather cocky, arrogant laugh, Aizawa found it. “What are heroes for, right?”

Aizawa scoffed. Watching Hizashi fawn over Toshinori made him feel. . . well, Aizawa wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but it wasn’t good.  “We wouldn’t have died,” he interjected, crossing his arms. “I nullified his quirk before you even got here- we would’ve done just fine without you.”

Toshinori’s smile didn’t falter, but he raised an eyebrow. “Did you also nullify his muscles and years of combat training? Even without his quirk, a fight with Todoroki-kun wouldn’t exactly be a walk in the park.”

Hizashi waved Aizawa’s words away. “Oh, don’t listen to him, Toshi-senpai,” he gushed, hugging him even tighter. “You saved us and he knows it- he’s just jealous.”

Aizawa’s face burned. “As if! I-I just think- I-” With Hizashi’s imploring face and Toshinori’s shadowed eyes bearing down on him, Aizawa couldn’t keep talking. He glared at the ground, flushed and frustrated. “Thanks, Toshinori-senpai,” he grumbled.

“Anytime! A hero always protects their comrades, you know. Now,” Toshinori added, turning to Hizashi. “I think I remember you from the sports festival. You’re the one with the screaming quirk, right? The first year?”

Hizashi smiled so wide Aizawa thought his face would tear in half. “That’s me!” he shrieked, nearly shattering the glass windows behind them. “First year screaming boy! My mom said when I was born, I screamed so loudly that I made everyone’s ears bleed!”

Toshinori laughed. “I believe it. What’s your name, again?”

Hizashi blushed. “Y-Yamada Hizashi.”

“Well, Hizashi-kun, your quirk is certainly unique,” said Toshinori. “I’m sure you’ll do great things with it!”

Hizashi nearly fainted. “T-thanks, Toshi-senpai. I-I’ll do my best.”

With one hand on Hizashi’s shoulder where Aizawa’s had been moments before, Toshinori turned to Aizawa. “And if you nullified Todoroki-kun’s quirk, you must be Aizawa Shouta.”

Aizawa gave a start. He tended to blend into the background and be forgotten; even classmates he had known for months would forget about him until he spoke up, which suited him fine. Aizawa wasn’t becoming a hero for the fame, so going unrecognized was no great blow to his happiness. And yet, being recognized by Toshinori was somehow not an entirely unpleasant

surprise. “Um, yeah,” he said, avoiding Toshinori’s eyes. “I’m Aizawa.”

“Nice to meet you, Aizawa-kun,” Toshinori beamed. Aizawa wondered if that incessant smiling made his cheeks ache. “Thanks.”

“Your quirk must be really useful in combat situations,” Toshinori mused. “But you’re kind of a sourpuss, and the best heroes should be positive, like your friend here,” he said, pointing at Hizashi who nearly evaporated. Toshinori patted Aizawa on the head. “Lighten up a bit, Aizawa-kun!”

Hizashi, doing his best impression of a whisper shrieked in Aizawa’s ear: “Toshi-senpai’s patting your hair!”

It was Aizawa’s first impulse to smack Toshinori’s hand away, but he balled his hands into fists and stared at the ground instead. “Stop that.”

Toshinori withdrew his hand. “Oh, sorry.”

Hizashi stood on tiptoe in an attempt to press his cheek against Toshinori’s. “You can ruffle my hair, Toshi-senpai! I won’t mind!”

“If you say so,” Toshinori laughed, ruffling Hizashi’s fluffy hair. “I’m a very hands-on sort of person, you know. I think most heroes should be. After all, you’re going to be an inspiration for a lot of people, so you should be ready for admiring fans and kids to, you know, hug you, and climb all over you, and that sort of thing.”

Just thinking about it made Aizawa’s skin crawl, but Hizashi was in total agreement. “Yes, of course, Toshi-senpai! You’re absolutely right!” he shouted, blushing. “Heroes should be inspiring- you’re totally right! Yeah!”

Aizawa rolled his eyes. “A hero’s job is to protect people and fight villains- leave the baby kissing for the politicians.”

Toshinori was silent for a moment, and when he spoke again, it was in a softer, contemplative tone of voice Aizawa would not have anticipated from him. “You know, I don’t agree with you, but you certainly seem to  agree with yourself.” Before Aizawa could ask what that meant, Toshinori pressed foward in his former bright tone. “You’re obviously someone who will stick to what they believe in no matter what- that spirit and determination will make you a great hero!”

Aizawa wasn’t sure how to react, but Hizashi jumped in before he had a chance to say anything. “He totally is, Toshi-senpai!” Hizashi exclaimed, wrapping am arm around Aizawa. “He’s stubborn, but he knows what he’s talking about, and he’s gonna be a pro hero, but not, like, a famous one because he doesn’t want to be famous- he wants to be a super-secret, underground hero, and he already has his hero name all picked out!” Hizashi bounced up and down on his heels in excitment. “Tell him, Shouta!”

Shouta couldn’t keep a slight smile from crossing his face when he thought of the name Hizashi gave him. “Eraserhead.” “Eraserhead!” Hizashi cried, flinging his arms wide for emphasis. “I picked that name out for him myself, Toshi-senpai,” he said proudly. “Don’t you think it suits him?”

Toshinori gave Hizashi’s head one last affectionate pat. “One hundred percent. Well, I’d better get going,” he said, glancing at his watch. “I promised I’d lead a study group after class today.”

“You would,” Hizashi sighed dreamily. “You’re such a good student, Toshi-senpai.”

Toshinori laughed. “I do my best. Well, I guess I’ll see you two around, then,” he said, heading down the hall with a jaunty wave. A few paces away, he paused, then turned around. “Actually,” he said, excitement mounting in his voice. “For a few weeks now, I’ve had this idea to start sort of a practice club where students from different years can get together and the older ones can help the younger ones find new, different ways they can use their quirks. The way I’d plan it, we’d play training games and things like that, so it’s not as intense as what we’d do in school.”

“That sounds amazing!” Hizashi cried, star-struck.

Aizawa would’ve rather eaten shards of broken glass than say so out loud, but he could see the appeal of Toshinori’s idea as well. For all the rumors Aizawa had heard about Toshinori being self-centered- most of which started and ended in the confines of his own mind- Aizawa couldn’t help but admit that his desire to help others improve seemed genuine. Toshinori’s passion for heroism and infectious enthusiasm bled through his every word; in a way, he reminded Aizawa of Hizashi.

Aizawa cleared his throat. “What does any of this have to do with us?” he asked, forcing himself not to betray even a hint of interest.

“Well, the thing is, I don’t really know what first-years are capable of,” Toshinori replied. “And I’d like to get some idea before I start up a club like this- I’d hate it if anyone was injured because I expected too much of them. If you two wouldn’t mind meeting up with me some time this weekend, I could talk over some of what I plan to do and you two could tell me if it seems reasonable or not. Would you be willing to do that for me?” he asked.

“Of course we will, we’d love to!” Hizashi gushed. “Anything for you, Toshi-senpai!”

Aizawa rolled his eyes. “Sure, fine, I guess,” he muttered. “But only because Hizashi wants to.”

Toshinori tried his best to hug both of them with only one arm. “Thanks so much, you two, I really appreciate it!” He looked at his watch again. “But I’d better get going now. See you later! Plus ultra!” He vanished in a blur, moving so quickly Aizawa could feel his hair fly back.

“Plus ultra,” Hizashi swooned. “I’d let him plus ultra my ass anyday. He’s so fast. . .”

Aizawa snorted. “That’s what she said.”

“What was that, Shouta?”

“Nothing. We should probably get going- your mom will kick both of our asses if you’re late getting back from school again.”

***

Aizawa was full of dread during the last week of classes, and it had nothing to do with finals.

While his classmates were cramming for the written exam or frantically doing sit-ups in the hallways during lunch, Aizawa found himself unable to focus for more than a few minutes at a time without being drawn back to thoughts of Hizashi.

In the past few months, Hizashi had only gotten closer to Toshinori. At first, his enthusiastic participation in Toshinori’s practice club, which Aizawa reluctantly attended, garnered his affection, with Toshinori always finding time, no matter how many other students were in attendance, to work with Hizashi and praise his progress. Then it moved beyond the weekly confines of practice club with Toshinori going over to Hizashi’s house to help him and Aizawa prepare for exams or, more damning still, for no purpose but to spend time with them.

Hizashi no longer seemed infatuated with Toshinori; no, it was far worse than that.

He was in love.

Even Aizawa, barely adept at recognizing his own emotions, couldn’t have mistaken it for anything else. The soft, goofy smile on Hizashi’s face when he talked about Toshinori, Hizashi’s obvious admiration of his strength and talents, the way his face lit up whenever Toshinori looked his way. . . it had to be love. This was no longer an overblown crush on an intriguing stranger but intense romantic passion for a dear friend, someone who had been an endlessly supportive and positive influence from the beginning.

And, worst of all, Aizawa couldn’t even find it in himself to be angry. He had long since ceased to hold any bitterness toward Toshinori; his rancor started fading the moment Toshinori first mentioned his practice club, and months of watching him put his words into action with patience and passion, eagerly throwing himself into the task of helping his fellow students become the best they could be had done away with those feelings entirely. It was true that Toshinori had a flair for the dramatic and tended to enjoy praise more than he ought to have, but beneath his bold, flashy antics, there was a boy with a warm heart who genuinely enjoyed helping others. Far more than his formidable quirk, Toshinori’s spirit and kindess convinced Aizawa that he would one day become a great hero.

No matter how hard he thought about it, Aizawa couldn’t understand why he was so upset. If Hizashi was going to fall in love with someone, he should be glad it was someone like Toshinori; if Aizawa had to compile a list of traits Hizashi’s ideal partner should have, Toshinori would meet all the criteria. In addition to his warmth and positivity, he shared Hizashi’s high energy and enthusiasm, his over-the-top sense of humor, and Aizawa couldn’t imagine him being anything but loving, supportive, and affectionate in a relationship.

And yet, no matter how hard he tried to rationalize it away, there was a part of Aizawa that couldn’t stand the idea of Hizashi dating Toshinori. As finals approached, Aizawa was desperate to clear his head and regain his focus, so he decided to talk about his problem with one of the most calm, level-headed people he knew.

Tensei was drinking cold, slightly congealed coffee from one of five mugs spread across his desk while frantically scanning three different textbooks at once when Aizawa found him. His hands were shaking, and Aizawa couldn’t tell if it was from caffeine, anxiety, sleep deprivation, or some unholy alliance of all three.

“Ah, hello, Shouta-kun,” Tensei muttered, not looking up from his books. “Did I steal your pencil? I’ve been getting a lot of complaints about pencil stealing, you know- I keep setting mine down somewhere and then picking up a new one out of nowhere, thinking it’s mine but it’s not. . .” He waved a trembling hand over his desk. “I’m sure yours is here somewhere.”

Aizawa was starting to believe he had made a mistake. “I’m not looking for a pencil, actually. I was. . . I wanted to talk about. . .” Aizawa dropped his gaze and sighed. “Never mind. You seem busy- I’ll leave you alone.”

Tensei closed one of the textbooks and looked up at Aizawa. “Are you okay?”

Aizawa eyes burned; he hadn’t been using his quirk recently, so it meant he was about to start crying. He turned away, hoping Tensei hadn’t noticed. “I. . . I’ve been confused about something lately.”

“Are you finally coming out?” asked Tensei, voice rising in excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“You’ve known I was gay since fourth grade, Tensei.”

“Oh, right.” Tensei laughed then yawned, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I’m running on three hours of sleep and a collective sixty-four ounces of caffeine.”

“Anyway. . .”

Aizawa told Tensei about his confusion, and Tensei listened as well as he reasonably could given the caffeine-infused circumstances.

When Aizawa finished talking, Tensei raised an eyebrow. “What’s so confusing about that? Obviously you’re upset because you want Hizashi-kun to yourself.”

Aizawa flushed. “What? I don’t have a crush on Hizashi! That’s- that’s-” He sighed and hung his head. “That makes total sense. Fuck.”

Tensei gave him a sympathetic pat on the head. “Well, knowing the root of the problem’s a good start. The way I see it, you can either tell Hizashi-kun how you feel-”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

Tensei rolled his eyes. “Or you can tell Toshinori-senpai to back off.”

Aizawa nodded. “Yeah,” he said, exhaling slowly. “I think I could manage that.”

***

“You said you wanted to talk to me?” Toshinori sounded upbeat as always even though it couldn’t have been convenient for him to make time to meet Aizawa in the crush of finals week, let alone find his way to the empty, secluded classroom Aizawa had chosen for their rendezvous.  

Aizawa couldn’t bring himself to meet Toshinori’s eyes, to face his bright smile. “Yeah, I-I did. Toshinori-senpai, I . . I. . .” Aizawa clenched and unclenched his hands, then forced himself to suck in a deep breath. “I think you should date my friend Hizashi.”

Tears pricked Aizawa’s eyes, but he refused to wipe them away. “The two of you would make a good match,” he said in a rush, unable to keep himself from talking faster and faster, as if speed would lessen the impact of what he was saying, hoping his mouth would outrun his mind so thoroughly he could avoid the sting of every word. “He’s goofy as fuck, but he’s all heart. He’s the sweetest, most passionate person you’ll ever meet in your life. He’ll care about you more than anyone else in the world, and- and I think the two of you would be happy together.”

Toshinori looked down at Aizawa with thoughtful, sympathetic eyes. “It sounds like you care about Hizashi a lot,” he said, his voice softer than Aizawa had ever heard it. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather date him yourself?”

Aizawa shook his head. “N-no,” he managed to choke out. The single syllable knocked the air out of his lungs. “I do care about him a lot, and I can’t imagine life without him as my best friend, but I. . .” Aizawa took a deep breath. “I love him, and that’s why I have to admit that you’re better than me.”

For the first time since they had met, Toshinori wasn’t smiling. “Aizawa-kun, I-”

“Stop!” Aizawa could feel tears sliding down his cheeks, and he beat them away with the back of his hand. “Don’t say anything. I don’t need you to lie to me, okay? I’m not what Hizashi needs, and I know that. I know that.” Aizawa sighed. “I-I care about him, but I don’t know how to show it. Every time he smiles, it makes me want to smile, too, but I don’t. I don’t know why. He makes me happier than anything in my life, but he probably doesn’t even know it.” Aizawa bit his lip. “I’m not like you, Toshinori-senpai. You’re always so happy, and bright, and warm, and you. . . you’re always smiling. Hizashi’s like that, too.” Aizawa let his tears fall, surrendering all fruitless attempts to stop them. “You belong with him more than I ever could.”

Before Aizawa could say anything else, Toshinori had him pressed in a tight hug. “I’m not how you think I am,” he whispered. He was warm and solid, but Aizawa could sense him trembling ever so slightly. “I’m not just some cheerful ray of sunshine, and I’m not always smiling when there’s no one to see it. I get angry, I get scared, I get sad-” There was a catch in his breathing. “I get really, really sad sometimes, and I don’t always know how to show what I’m feeling, either. I might act like I’ve got everything together, but that’s it- I’m acting. Inside, I’m just as much of a confused mess as you or anybody else.”

Hesitantly, Aizawa lifted his arms and wrapped them around Toshinori. He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything, and the two stood together, holding eachother through a charged yet comforting silence.

Toshinori spoke first. “Hizashi really cares about, you know,” he said. Aizawa could hear a smile in his voice. “When we’re together, you’re practically the only thing he wants to talk about. It’s always Shouta this, Eraserhead that, my best friend, the world’s greatest underground hero, et cetera, et cetera. He never looks happier than when he’s saying your name.” Toshinori laughed. “He talks you up so much, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was trying to hook us up.”

Aizawa could feel himself start to smile, and his heart felt calmer than it had in months. “Thanks, Toshinori-senpai. I-I really-”

Toshinori bent down and gave Aizawa a soft, almost hesitant kiss. “Call me Toshi.”

Aizawa’s face went red. “Toshi, right. Toshi. So, um, what was. . . what was that for, Toshi?”

Toshinori might’ve blushed too, but it was hard to tell from the shadows on his face. “Well, you saw me be sad and- and not who I usually am, or who I act like I am, I guess, and you still let me hug you after that.”

“I hugged you back.”

“You hugged me back!” Toshinori repeated, laughing. “I understand what you were saying about not being good enough, and. . .” He paused and gave Aizawa a genuine smile. “It seems like you could understand me, too.”

Aizawa could feel himself starting to smile back. “Yeah, I think so.”

The blush on Toshinori’s cheeks was unmistakable now, and he began tugging at one of the longer parts of his hair. “So, do you wanna kiss again?”

“That depends,” Aizawa replied. “How do you feel about kissing Hizashi?”

“Who wouldn’t want to kiss him?” Toshinori exclaimed.

“That was the correct response. Come on, let’s find him.”

“Right answer?” Toshinori grinned. “It’ll probably be the only question I get right I get all day. I swear I’m gonna die once final grades are out.”

“Then we’d better find Hizashi before that happens,” said Aizawa, taking Toshinori’s hand and leading him out of the room. “He’s going to be really upset if you die before kissing him, and I’ll have to kick your ass for breaking his heart.”

“If I break his heart, I’ll kick my own ass.”

“Swearing is against school policy.”

Toshinori laughed. “Who told you that, was it a suave and handsome student in the grade above you? Tall, strong, really good kisser?”

“No, it was this fuckin’ dork named Toshi. Now, hurry up, we need to find Hizashi before classes start!”