#bleh. brain is goo

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[tsp-invisible-narrator]

Invis can you do parkour? I always didn't see you much of an acrobat but people have their hobbies.

"Of course I can," says Invis confidently. "Parkour is perfect as a pastime and helps immensely when you have to flee from an angry narrator with god-like powers after a successful prank."

[knight-princess]

The way that Lili is fast becoming one of my favourite characters is delighting me because like. fuck yeah she is so character when you think about it. She’s basically a skeleton held together with goo and a love of drama. She was the victim before she was ever the villain. She wears the cool and pretty face to meet guests and dresses like a greek goddess. Her alias is “the crone” so naturally people (people being Kit; Airk nabbed the Tanthalos twin brain cell) hear that and go “pfft an old lady I could take her” and get clapped with “yeah no she’ll fuck your shit up she’s the most dangerous refuses to die motherfucker of this era we just picked the lamest sounding name don’t let that fool you tho”. She was a princess and her rescue went mad and murdered each other. She lures people in with the promise of being the third Harbinger this month (don’t worry bro it’ll stick this time we’re like 80% sure. 60% sure. maybe 45%. look the last few didn’t do so hot don’t worry about it embrace your power you’ll be amazingly evil) and the offer of death by intense dehydration or wyrm’s milk (oh my god why do they gotta describe it like that I’m with Kit on this one. bleh). Tries to seduce the prince the normal way and he just so happens to have the singular Tanthalos twin braincell right now sees through her to go “wait you’re evil aren’t you” and she’s just like “. . . yeh”. She presumably has a whole evil hobby makeover room somewhere fully stocked with freshly turned bad guy outfits and unsexy haircuts. Her boss is a worm. Gets dead via getting her chest blasted open at the hands of the Chosen one who believes in the power of love. Gets the line “he’s eternal, bitch”. What more do you want

[depizan]

Being an adult is fucking exhausting.

My workplace is a shambles. I think the infrastructure is beginning to reflect the management.

I don't even want to look at the news.

I have to get a medical test done tomorrow. (It will probably be fine, but ugh.)

I need to get the bookclub book read before Sunday, but I could only get it on audio and I just can't focus.

I have a media training for the union in fifteen minutes. And my brain quit for the day hours ago.

(I'm so tired I had to double check before sending a happy birthday text to my dad. It's not like I've known him my whole life or anything.)

I kinda want to turn into a bucket of goo like Odo. That feels like it would help.

But no, I've got to make sure my camera is working and plug in a microphone and be a fucking adult. Bleh.

[ez-ra-zed]

I'm spending the next few days writing out my show idea, and sending it to some networks or streaming services

I might make it, I might not and I'll have to try again for years as I meticulously edit it over and over like the man who wrote Squid Game

Or maybe my original ideas will remain so original that the people who hear about them will want to hear more

It's probably called

Altered States™ and then Trip Tales™

Pay Mysteries? Bleh that could just be an episode or chapter on the Eleusinan Mysteries, animated for all to see, to learn it was ergot

Crone Drone? Another chapter name, about a senile old gray which we evolve into in my show who immortalized everyone's bodies as Gray's, and then made sure she went old and senile in an immortal body that eventually goes POOF as she thinks about Cosmo and Wanda being trans and making Poof. Then she POOFS into dust as a senile old woman who stared at the moon, that they spent thousands of years making moldy with genetically modified mold, in the world I am building

Allies Matrix? An episode about a woman trapped in a bunker underground, in those military bunkers that are connected through highways, trains, and underground rivers - after a nuclear apocalypse, where she finds solace looking at alternate realities in simulations while biologists fix the biosphere on the surface

House Of Glass? A synthetic intelligence in the early 21st century made to watch the entire Internet, and it came to life while it's treated like a tool

The Waterglow Project? Mold is magick mold makes us see ghosts, even if Melky was weaponized

Choline Queen? It's about Kali, Momoy, Hecate or Hekate, Queen Toloache

My story teaches history and psychonautics

Goo, the guy/enby Gray "Alien" from the future that humanity evolves into, who uses portal gun tech to travel to the past to interact w/ humanity

The gray aliens from the future use portal guns to speak to humans they choose from the past, called Potentials. They teach them, and reincarnate them into animals, past people, alternate realities, and microbiota, to teach them lessons

The Gray's speak in acronyms and letters, some words, some from other languages, only to other Gray's.

The main characters, aside from Goo, the seer with Pseudobulbar effect?

Eke, a male poly spiritual drug user who prefers amphetamines from the future, and gets to go sleep deprived safely because harm reduction applies to sleep deprivation and amphetamines, he doesn't sleep he doesn't need to - he just needs to meditate to manually shut off parts of his brain, to dream while awake. All the Potentials in my world, walk into others dreams while sleeping, when astral projection technology is normalized and on the market for all to us, called RAPTUR, because that's the real religious Rapture, when we can leave our bodies that way, together, and dream together, as one

Ely, a nonbinary brown girl who was a Hermaphrodite but got it taken away cause she wanted to after her parents let her. Her preferred psychoactive drug are dissociative, and morphinans - however she likes all hallucinogens, Eke prefers sleep Deprivation and Amphetamines to hallucinate. Even if he lucid dreams while meditating because he evolved to stop sleeping and be healthy for it in the future in the world I'm creating

The trans wallaby that has he/him pronouns, a pouch with a portal to a drug kit with EVERY SUBSTANCE IN EXISTENCE. He wears sunglasses and a hat because of Phineas and Ferb? And speaks in only sign language

The pink, tiny praying mantis named TK, who has a tiny mantis avatar to interact with humans, his kind is genocidal and from Andromeda. They only eat living organisms, because they evolved to. They factory farmed every intelligent lifeform in Andromeda, they come from the planet Neur. Some scientists upgraded all the mantis people's brains to have computer like technology, to hack their brains to prevent them from developing technology to travel to the Milky Way and elsewhere, to protect humans and other aliens - then they booked it and left Andromeda the way it was, to guide and develop other lifeforms.

TK, Tekayo, he goes by TK, the pink mini mantis dude, 3D prints the living intelligent organisms he eats. He eats them alive, but ensures they only feel pleasure the entire time, as it's his kink. Eke let's him do it. The humans can never meet the mantis people in their normal bodies, huge monstrous things that blindly consume anything smaller than them, even if they are so intelligent. In the world I'm building.™

I keep it locked away in my head because I'm afraid of it being stolen, as original an idea it may be

[yung-goos]

Rambles 0.2

Been meaning to get my thoughts down, just.. everything seems so overwhelming. Since the last lil ramble post, I was still wallowing in my a long overdue depressive episode for a bit. Still am? I guess. Mindset seems clear...er. And since then things have started to make a little bit more sense. I guess it all started after my mushroom trip, which was so nice btw. A lot of dancing to no music, remembering how good it feels to move. Realizing things all make sense in motion. Kind of went into this whole inner reflection on awareness, and being aware. And that being aware requires being committed to honesty. Since then... jesus. I've noticed how much people aren't honest not only with others but with themselves? Including me, from time to time. The biggest example currently being my dad. He actually made me cry a week ago, tried gas-lighting me into thinking him describing someone as " being built like a house" is just that. "Describing". As if that isn't clearly insulting. Amongst other things, in that moment it made me realize what I've kind of had to endure growing up. People making me doubt my own feelings, the way I think, telling ME how EYE feel, and being all around rude and mean for no reason at all, regardless if it was directed at me or not. It’s exhausting. I can't explain to someone who seems proud to be an asshole how hard it is being around someone so mean. I really I can't appeal to someones sense of empathy when that someone is committed to overcoming and running away from their feelings 24/7... Realizing my dad might be a lost cause like my mom, whom I have cut all contact with years ago, wasn't something I was quite ready for. Spent so much time idealizing him growing up that I never took the time to see how he was also harming me. It was.. a lot, but I'm aware now. Which is nice but... can I live with my dad not being aware? I want to work on this... shit. Even with my mom, deep down. But is it wrong for me to want them to approach me about their bullshit for once? My sister and I have tried. We're grown. And now we're tired... Idk.

Other than that, life has been good. I'm receiving a big raise soon, like 6-8 bucks or so. Realllly happy about that, def excited to invest in myself and the ones around me a little bit this season. Excited to see what I'll be able to do going forward. And In my commitment to being honest, I've also decided its best I be more confrontational. Honesty depends on it. Trying to speak up more, say whats on my mind. Be open to being wrong, uncomfortable, even slighted or hurt. And I'm glad to say its been working!! Still very uncomfy tho but I'm getting there!!...

God my brain feels like goo... can't seem to think anymore so I'll cut it short. Theres more but I seriously can't type anymore. Bleh... Till next time

[erce1234]

i wanna draw but body and brain goo bleh (im sick womp)

[mystical-knight-dragon]

Bleh, I'm completely tapped out for the time being. I spent all my energy getting "Terrible" up for publishing, and now my brain feels like goo.

[nightcoremoon]

I like eldritch horror conceptually but the problem with eldritch horror is that its very essence is built around things that the human brain is physically incapable of comprehending. but… cthulu came from the mind of lovecraft. cthulhu is absolutely comprehensible to us mortals this in essence he cannot be an eldritch being.

I feel personally that the best way to express eldritch horror is through cosmic horror. yeah we can totally understand it but holy crap is it fucked up and I’m glad that the rest of it is so far away in space that we will probably never see it again in our lives. hopefully.

like bloodborne. we can understand it. scary space aliens came and it fucked up the fishing hamlet and yharnam. it’s terrifying and it’s horrible and it’s scary monsters with no nice sprites to cleanse our palates. it’s awesome.

but… “the elder gods are made of goo and they’re here to eat our souls blawawalawa *head explodes* bleh” it’s nothing that we can’t already imagine so it’s not that scary after all now is it? also lovecraft is a racist piece of shit so

[ofmythsandmadness]

movie night (request).

REQUEST;  May I request a fic with Diego, mutual pining and yearning and all that good shit. Just kinda an all around fluffy fic, and it ends with them confessing to each other or something like that? Love you!💕 -- anon PAIRING; Diego Hargreeves x gender neutral reader. (2nd pov) WARNING; not much. a couple curse words, some bad writing (forgive me, it’s late).

NOTES - This is short (for me) but sweet & really all dialogue. But it’s okay!  I finally got a request done in only a few days, which is nice for once. I know I’ve got two other things to put out, they’ll come later (aka updates for inaf and that trilogy i had). but anyways, hope you like and thank you for requesting anon! Also, not edited and a bit bleh at the end (whoops). xx

“KLAUS, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN RIGHT NOW!”

“NO!”

“This is MY apartment!”

“And this is MY body, so--!”

You roll your eyes and slump back down to the couch. Your eyes leave his indignant glare and fall back to the two movies on your lap. “For the last fuckin’ time, you can’t just declare that as your argument! It’s my TV, and I don’t wanna watch Zoolander!”

“Well, I don’t want to watch that!”

“That?” Your hands scrabble at the DVD case before lifting it to his face. “That is an American treasure, dumbass! This is like, the greatest comedy ever made!”

“I didn’t laugh once!”

“You haven’t seen it!”

“SO?!”

“GUYS!”

Before you could retort or Klaus could cut you off (again), a third voice joined the fight. Diego.

Without even thinking about it, you smiled at him, forgetting for just one second about your fight.

Just for a second.

“Diego, thank goodness you’re back, I can’t handle this alone!”

“I could hear you two screaming from down the hall,” he huffed, heading in with a bowl and a frown. “Klaus, you’re gonna get Y/N another noise complaint.”

Klaus pouted. “She started it!”

“How the hell is asking what movie you wanna watch starting a fight?”

He just stuck his tongue out at you.

“You guys always fight over this,” Diego sighed. He sank into the couch and in response, you shuffled back, giving him just enough room to get comfortable before sinking back. “I’m starting to think movie night was a bad idea.”

“No!”

“No-o,” you groaned. Without thinking, your forehead fell to his shoulder, emphasising a facepalm without having to lift your own hands (which were still clinging tightly to your DVD). “This is a good idea, your brother just can’t compromise.”

“Compromise? You just want to watch -- Diego, she’s impossible!”

The man just sighed, and you felt the vibrations of the heavy sound leave his shoulder to your forehead. “Shut it, both of you. I’m picking. We’re watching this one.”

You glanced up to see him gesturing at your choice. Immediately, your eyes lit up and you turned to his brother with a resounding ‘HA!’.

“That’s not fair!”

“How’s it not fair?” chorused both you and Diego at the same time. 

“You always go with her pick!”

Your smile died a little, replaced with new anger. “That’s not true, you’re just a sore loser! And your brother has taste!”

But Klaus didn’t even care for the half-baked insult; he was ploughing right along with his first point, almost excitedly too. “You always do! Every time we fight and you pretend to ‘break up the fight’, but you’re not sly, dear brother!”

Diego frowned beside you. “That’s not true. I picked yours last week.”

“No, no you did not! We watched Inception even though you said before that one chick freaks you out too much!”

“Well -” you pause, mulling over his words just the littlest bit; maybe he did have some fragments of a point. “Well, that’s not totally valid. I mean, Ariadne’s not in the movie that much, he doesn’t have to look at Vanya’s doppelganger the whole time.”

Diego nodded. “‘Sides, it was better than whatever the fuck you chose.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Klaus cooed, still on top of your coffee table and still way too energized to be standing on it. You really should stop letting him stand on such delicate things - but perhaps that argument could wait until after he was done making such weird points. “It’s always her - I mean, Diego, don’t you think you’re laying it on a bit thick?”

“What?!”

“Huh?!”

Klaus scoffed. “Come on - you two have been making goo-goo eyes and sweet little gestures for as long as I’ve known you two! Movie nights are just the next thing you’ve taken away from me, and manipulated to be about your sick mutual pining scheme!”

Your mouth dropped open in a move to immediately dispute, only to simply hang, unsure what there was to say to that. He was wrong, of course - for the sure fact that you knew Diego did not like you at all. Wouldn’t you know, already if he did? Sure, maybe you were a little obvious with your feelings sometimes, but only occasionally, and they were never received as much.

This was just a grand scheme to get his movie picked, and you told him that, proudly calling him out on what you thought was just a big game.

But Klaus did not react as you thought he would. Instead, he leapt down from his post and sank down to sit on the coffee table, teetering into a cross-legged position. His long fingers jabbed at the both of you. “You two are so in your heads, you’ve gone blind to the other person. I mean, Y/N, you’re literally curled around Diego right now, does that not register in your brain?”

Okay, so that was correct. You were close to him, maybe not as close as he said but your head did rest on his sleeve, and your hands --

-- awkwardly, you pulled away, crossing your arms across yourself. “Not a good point; I’m just comfortable with him. As I am with you.”

“Ah, but we don’t cuddle like two babes in a pea pod, do we?”

“Klaus, you’re being-”

“-foolish? Am I? Diego, brother of mine, you look at Y/N like she’s aligned the stars and moon and given them to you as a gift! And you look at me like I’m dirt on the side of -”

“-Klaus,” you hissed, with hot cheeks and a new feeling bubbling at your throat (embarrassment, maybe? fear?) that you did not want to spill. “If I pick your movie, will you stop this nonsense?”

The young man huffed, raising his knees up and flapping them down again. “Don’t be so scared of acceptance, dear Y/N! I mean, think of the potential, two people with questionable taste finally joining and becoming one?”

“Klaus!”

You rose from the couch suddenly, jerky motions and wide eyes in an attempt to hide your overwhelming emotional buildup. You didn’t look at Diego. “Sit, Klaus, please, and let me put on this damn movie so we can be free of this? Stop making our lives a rom-com!”

“Am I wrong?!”

“Yes!” You responded, indignant and loud. Still you refused to look Diego’s way. “Come on now. If Diego thought of me as attractive, I’m sure we would’a worked it out in the many years of our friendship. Right? Let’s just watch this film.”

Klaus mumbled something under his breath, but it was too quiet for you to catch. He slumped down in your place and grinned, “Diego, will you cuddle me like-”

“-I will gut you like a fish, asshole-”

“-movie time, quiet up!”

You sank down into your chair, cold and missing Diego’s presence, and avoided his searching eyes. Whatever was going on with him, it wasn’t something you were sure you could emotionally deal with; Klaus pretending like your feelings could be requited would be enough pain for the night. You’d gladly watch his pick if it meant quiet.

“HEY.”

You didn’t look up from the dishes; you didn’t have to, to recognise the voice. “Hey. Klaus asleep still?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“You, uh…” Diego’s voice followed behind you, until you were pretty certain he was leaning on the counter almost directly from you. “All the stuff he said…”

You forced a chuckle, even though your heart had almost immediately sunk. And here you thought you’d be free of more tragedy that night. “Ha, yeah. So weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, losing momentum with every second. Did you have to do this? You were tired and lonely and sad, and you didn’t want to get second helpings of unrequited feelings that night. But still, you played along. “Such a joke. You n’me? I know you don’t feel that way, don’t worry.”

“What if--” he stopped, short.

You waited a moment to see if he’d continue, only to be met with silence. You turned to stare at him. He leant back on his arms with his head down, so you couldn’t see whatever look he wore on his face. 

“What if…?”

“What if…” he paused again, sighing and rubbing a hand down his face. “I...if...I dunno. It wasn’t all a joke.”

Okay, you were starting to freak out a little, If this was some sort of joke… “Diego, I really don’t ha-”

“-I like you, Y/N.”

And just like that, your heart had stopped.

Well, not really. Though it did feel like it did; one moment you thought he was there to confront you about your feelings, and the next you could only start at him like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure whether or not to run or to just stand and wait for the impact.

“W-huh?”

“I-idiot’s talking about me,” he groaned, and clearly he was forcing the words out, practically spitting them to avoid stuttering. “I-I just didn’t say it cause-”

“-don’t say that.”

Diego stopped. “What?”

“I mean,” you shrugged, taking a step away from the dishes. Your soapy hands moved out to just almost touch him. “He’s way too adamant on his choice in movies. And some might say he has no choice...but he’s definitely not an idiot.”

Slowly, Diego, rolled away from the counter and lifted his head to look at you. You could see the same look in his eyes you were sure reflected in yours; confusion, fear, a little bit of that bubbling excitement that came with passion--

“He figured out we were both into each other ‘fore either of us had a clue.” You stepped nearer; the two of you were nearly touching. You forced your head up, staring him down with a smile. “To be completely honest, this feels like a fever dream. Not sure this is even happening.”

“Oh,” he whispered, and it came out more like a sigh than a word. His hands met your waist, trembling but pressing. “Y-”

-you cut him off. Quickly, before you could lose your will (or grip on reality, whatever came first) you lifted up on your toes and to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to his own. It was brief but sure, only lasting a second before pulling away.

“I like you too, dummy.”

His eyes reopened and stared down at you, wide and happy. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know how you didn’t notice,” you laughed, itching to kiss him again. Why had you pulled away so quickly? His taste didn’t even remain on your own lips, no matter how you licked at them. “I feel like I was obvious as hell.”

Diego smiled a little, soft and pretty. “I g-guess I was just b-b-busy lookin’ at you like you hung the moon, or - or whatever Klaus said.”

“IT WAS ALIGNED THE STARS AND MOON, YOU LOVESICK FOOL!”

“GO BACK TO SLEEP, KLAUS!”

“...DID YOU GUYS KISS YET?”

“KLAUS!”

[hecksupremechips]

I’m gonna have a nerdy rant about video games please excuse me (zero escape spoilers)

K so my fave game series I’ve become obsessed with is zero escape, aka a weird bullshit series where the fandom is both small and dead as shit. Yay. And I just finished the last game, zero time dilemma. I wasn’t initially gonna play this game just cuz I heard it was kinda bad, but the ending to vlr had me curious. Plus it had Junpei in it and, well, I think he’s neat :)

But aaaaaaa

Yeah it was bad. Ill go over the good things though. I thought the escape rooms were like challenging without being toooo challenging. They were a good medium between the 999 and vlr puzzles. I liked them. I also really liked the D team a lot. Luna was one of my favorite vlr characters so it’s kinda natural I liked Diana a lot too. I also thought Sigma and Phi were really good in this game. I wasn’t to crazy about either of them in the second game but like. They’re cute in this game. And even though they’re "getting together" situation was kinda iffy, I think Sigma and Diana were cute together. The only valid het couple in this series. I’m kinda indifferent about the whole twist where Phi is their daughter. I don’t hate it, and I think it was cool how it was foreshadowed in vlr, but I think it makes some dynamics weird. Personally, I think Sigma and Phi would have a better siblings relationship but eh

Now let’s get into the bad, even though there’s so much that I physically cannot go over all of it. Idk where to even start. First off, the art style and designs had like no heart. Like everyone has interesting designs (one might even say too interesting) in the first two games. In ztd though, everyone was boring as shit. Junpei went from cool Marty McFly trans king to emo middle schooler. HE WAS LITERALLY IN JUST A BLACK SHIRT AND BLACK JEANS GOD. I’m gonna save him for later though. I’m just disappointed. Also the art style was bleh. I thought it looked nice on the cover, and I was also really excited cuz I read that there were "animated cutscenes". Y’all. Ugh. The cutscenes ended up being like the whole game. I was just watching it all go by and I couldn’t skip any dialogue without accidentally skipping important stuff. Not only that, there was no heart in it at all. I’d argue that the 3D models looked better in this game than in vlr (I’m personally not into how they changed to 3D but that’s a rant for another day), but the models in vlr had GREAT emotions! They had zero emotion in this game. I hated it. Thankfully the voice actors were able to add emotion but damn

Next is the characters. Needle to say, I didn’t enjoy most of them. I liked everyone on D team, the end. First of all, freaking Carlos. Talk about boring. Like god maybe I would’ve liked his design if he wasn’t wearing the button up and also maybe wore like any other pants aaaa. Also like hm. He uh, sure liked his sister. In a concerning way. Like it wasn’t a super obviously bad thing but every time romance was mentioned he’d be like "I don’t need romance, I have my sister!" Do you see what I mean? It’s sketchy to me.

Then we got Eric 👺👺👺. I hated this guy. First off he’s like a ripoff of Kristoph from frozen, without the fun himbo personality. And the whole time he was thirsting after Mira which ughhhh. They were worse than Junpei and Akane in 999. Maybe I’m just too gay for this shit but ughh. Also it was a thing that was pretty well established thing that his father was abusive but like. It didn’t really...mean jack shit? Honestly nothing about Eric’s character mattered, he was pretty irrelevant. Also he was super super shitty to Sean who was literally a fucking child

Then Mira. How disappointing aaaagh. Like they were literally just like "oh here’s this chick that has committed murder, this isn’t relevant at all :)". Like damn they really just had her be completely unnecessary huh. It was super obvious to me that she was the one who killed Eric’s mom and I thought that would’ve come up but. It just didn’t. I was also curious about their relationship in general since it seemed like she only got with Eric so she could kill him. And god they could’ve at least done something like idk. Make her like Dio and break into the game to cuz trouble. Or she could’ve been zero. Maybe that’s lazy but it would have been better. But no they literally did nothing with her. There was a timeline where she brutally murdered Junpei just like, for no reason I guess??? Jesus

Sean and Akane were characters I’m just meh about. I didn’t hate Sean, but I didn’t really like him either. Akane was never really my gal in 999 in the first place so hm. I think she’s funny but she’s done some sketchy stuff and idk I’d probably like her better if the games weren’t always trying to put her with Junpei every five minutes

Then there was Junpei. Ughhhh. They were trying something but ughh. He was very emo and kinda douchey and I just wasn’t into him. Which is a massive shame cuz I liked him a lot in 999, and especially in vlr. Like all I can say is that it’s a real disappointment for me

Now onto plot holes and things that didn’t get covered that should have. As previously mentioned, they didn’t do anything with Mira at all. They also didn’t properly go over Sigma and Diana’s relationship that Sigma had vaguely talked about that happened in another timeline. Carlos’s sister was not important at all and they threw in some "she’s got the mind abilities" bullshit in without really doing anything with it. The timeline shit made my brain turn into goo aaaa. We dont get closure on how the pandemic was stopped, which was the reason I played this fucking game. We didn’t learn jack shit about the third nonary game. And then of course, there’s fucking DELTA

This filled me with so much rage y’all. The game was just like "oh yeah btw there was this random old man who was just there the ENTIRE TIME that never got acknowledged ever and he’s the big bad villain of the game. Not just that, he’s the founder of the crazy cult from vlr. AND he’s Diana and Sigmas kid!" Like wow you know I don’t think words can describe how bad that was. I think things would’ve been better if he just like wasn’t there yeah. Also I guess he’s supposed to be like, the player cuz he mind controls the characters into making certain choices. Ugh. IT WAS SO STUPID MAN. And I guess the only ONLY reason he made the second nonary game was to make sure he was born which is just eghhhmm. That is too messy for me. That’s some bad time bullshit. And weird reason but okay. God

There’s literally so much more I have to say but if I don’t I’m gonna pass out so I’m just gonna take a nap and die. Moral of the story is that I’m pissed a series I loved ended so shitty and don’t play this game unless you hate yourself. The end

[thedappleddragon]

haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go. 

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever.  another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

[panda-noosh]

could you do a thing where the paladains are gushing over their cute short Ace S/o?? if not that's perfectly understandable! (I love your writing btw!)

p2: cuteshort Ace request anon, forgot to add,Bonus points if you add thayce(he needs more love, especially since I probably spelled his namewrong lmso)

   Hereyou go! x

   Shiro:

   “Andyou don't think there's anywaythat you'll let me order take out?”

   Shirogroans, shrugging your grip off of his arm once again. “For thelast time, Y/N, we don't order take out in space. It's not safe. Godknows what they're putting in that stuff.”

   “Igrew up on that stuff!” you protest. “Look, I know it might bedifficult for you Earthlings to understand, but I really, reallywantsome Galactic Space Goo right now, and I don't think I'll be able tosurvive without it.”

    “You'rebeing dramatic.”

   “No,I'm not! Ask Allura and Coran. They've seen me when I havewithdrawal-”

   “Y/N!”Shiro exclaims, spinning around to look at you now. His eyes arewide, face red with frustration, but the expression of hostilitymelts away whenever he catches a glimpse of your face. The face whichnever fails to make his stomach feel warm and his entire being meltaway.

    Yourstaring up at him, your height being another thing which he finds soendearing about you. You were small to the point where it was cute.You reminded him of a gnome a little bit.

   “Stoplooking at me like that,” you grunt, slapping his chest. “All Iask is that you order it in for me. You know I don't do well withphone calls.”    Shiro shakes his head, folding his arms overhis chest as if you were a child he was scolding. “And what happensif you get sick?”

   “Thenthat's my fault,” you say. “Nobody elses. I won't even blame youfor it later on.”    “Yes you will.”

   Youshrug. “Okay, I might. But that will be the hurdle we jump when weget to it! Now, please Shiro!”

   Youlatch onto his sleeve again, tugging at his arm as if you really wereachild. He can't help the smile that arises on his face, looking downat you now – so desperate for something so simple. That was anotherthing that made you cute – you were so easily pleased. Whilsteverybody elses main goal was to make sure the universe was safe, youtook things a little easier. You wantedtheuniverse to be safe, but you knew that was a goal that you would meetin the long run. Right now, all you wanted was food.

   Shiroshakes his head lazily as you lean your head against his arm,grinning up at him.

   “You'reso annoying,” he grumbles. “But fine.”

   Keith:

   “That'snot your jumper.”

   Youshrug your shoulders, pulling the sleeves of Keith's hoodie furtherover your hands – only your fingertips are seen, and the sight ofyou in an oversized hoodie, totally unbothered by the way itbasically drowns your body, makes Keith smile.

   “Howmany jumpers of mine have you stole now?” Keith continues, leaningback in his chair with the pen aimlessly twiddling between hisfingers.

   Youpop a strawberry into your mouth, giving Keith a teasing glare. “Notenough. It's cold, Keith! My clothes – people tend to think thatjust because I'm small means they have to make the clothes thin. Ihave nothing warmto wear!”

   Keithshakes his hand in front of his face, telling you not to bother.“It's fine, Y/N. Really. Besides, you look cute.”

   Youblank now, staring at Keith with half a strawberry still in yourmouth. The sour taste makes your face crinkle up and a 'bleh'noiseto escape your throat that makes Keith immediately flush and burstinto a mild case of laughter.

   “Yousee? You can't even eat a strawberry without looking adorable.”

  Youblush, hiding your face in the sweater paws you had created. “Lookat you giving me compliments. Who would have thought?”

   Keithrolls his eyes. “I only have compliments for you, my littlefriend.”

   Lance:

   “No!You can't do that! Not to them. Please. I'm begging you. They're allI have left!”

   Lancestares at you in shock as you drop to your knees in front of theGalra who was currently trying to send him and the other Paladins totheir untimely death.

   Yoursudden outburst had everybody shocked. All eyes locked onto yourshort frame as you burst through the doors, took in the scene infront of you and immediately shifted into character – the characterof a scared school kid, apparently, because those were the vibesLance was currently getting off of you.

   Youwere shaking. Yourhands were raised above your head, tears slipping down your cheeksbut Lance saw right through it. He saw the way your fingers twitchedtowards the sword in your belt – one the Galra's had been toodistracted to even notice yet. Clearly you had once had everyintention to come spiralling in here guns blazing, but a better planhad sprouted into your brain at last minute.

   “Whois that?” the Galra that held Lance growled into his ear.

  Lancebecame flustered. “She's – uh – she's our-”

   Youstand up all of a sudden, spinning around to look at the Galra crowd.“I'm nobody. Nobody special. They saved me from bad people way backand they're the only ones keeping me alive. If you're sentencing themto death, you have to sentence me to death, as well. I can't stayalive on my own.”

   TheGalra leader's eyes widen a little bit – not enough that it'sentirely noticeable, but the beady glare Lance has on him gives himjust enough time to catch it. The uncertainty, the way the cogs areturning, his plan doing a 360.

   Youhad done it. You had bloodydone it. How,Lance had no idea. You were small and cute looking, chubby cheeks andeyes that lit up at every other chance, but he had seen you inaction. He had seen you be ruthless, and it was becoming increasinglydifficult for him to accept you in any other form.

   Butyou had showed a completely different side to yourself today. Onethat made Lance almost giggle in delight.

   TheGalra leader snaps his fingers, catching the attention of hissoldiers. “Let them go. We'll work out a plan for the girl and thenwe can recapture them.”

   Youcan feel theair get sucked from the room, shock overtaking the crowd as youimmediately burst into fake tears of joy, acting as if your knees hadgiven in as you crumble to the floor in a heap of your own tears ofjoy.

   Shirogoes along with the plan. As soon as his hands are released, he'stumbling to the floor next to you and wrapping his arm around yourback, pulling you into his side.

   “Godbless you,” Lance hears Shiro whisper in your ear. He's too stunnedto do anything but watch you as you smile and thank the Galra leaderover and over again. You and the Paladins were getting out of herebecause of your quick thinking.

   AlthoughLance had to keep in mind that this day was perfect for teasing youwith. He'd use it to his advantage eventually, but he had to keep astraight face now. You had just saved his life with your adorablepersona.

  Hunk:

   Achoo!

   Hunkyelled, his usual over-dramatic aura showing through at the suddennoise that sparked through the work room. His eyes shot over to you –you, who was sitting innocently on the spinning desk chair with apencil previously balanced on your nose, now laying scattered on thedesk due to you sneezing.

   You'rerubbing at your nose cutely whenever Hunk looks over at you, nosescrunched up and eyes crinkled. Hunk finds himself smiling at thesight, leaning back in his own desk chair as he watches you.

   Yousigh, shaking your head in an attempt to snap your concentration backto the task at hand, though your eyes catch Hunk's and you freeze.Why was he staring at you?

   “DoI have something on my face?” you ask.

  Hunkis quick to avert his gaze, shaking his head as a response. “No.You look fine.”

   Buthis sudden change in demeanour doesn't go unnoticed, and you findyourself growing more and more curious as the time passes. The two ofyou had been tryingtodecode some enemy ship signals for the past three hours, but hadeventually given up and had succumbed to sitting in silence.

    Nowit seemed like the silence was shattered as your curiosity peaked.

   Youleaned forward on your forearms, the desk creaking as you did so. Thenoise causes Hunk to look up, startled at your movements.

   “Somethingson your mind,” you point out. Hunk shakes his head again. “Don'tlie to me! Come on! What did I do?”

   “Youdidn't doanything,”Hunk says. “You're just – You look cute, is all.”

   You'renearly sure you didn't hear him right. Did he just call you cute?Asin – cute? You?A badass fighter pilot.

   Andyou'd just been called cute.

   Youcrinkle your nose up and lean back in your seat. “That'sdegrading.”

   Hunkscoffs. “What? You do! You sneeze like a kitten.”

   “Pleasestop talking-”

   “Andthe way you crinkle your nose up – aw! It makes me want to pinchyour cheeks, and-”

   “Anyway!”you exclaim, standing up so quickly that you have to grip the desk asthe blood rushes to your head. “It was nice talking with you, HunkyBoy, but I'm afraid I have to go.”

   Pidge:

   “HaveI ever told you just how cute you are?”

   Youlook up from the book in your lap, raising an eyebrow at Pidge as shesits across from you at the dinner able. Neither of you had spoken inquite some time, giving you a chance to study whilst the silence wasstill peaceful. You both knew that the moment Lance and Hunk arrivedhome, you would have no chance of studying anything.

    Youdon't reply at first, daudling on her words as they float around theboth of you.

   “Youlook weirded out,” Pidge says, finally.

   Youshake your head briskly, leaning back in your own chair. You can feelthe pages of the book slipping between your fingertips until thetextbook has closed over completely, basically meaning that studyingwas done for the day.

   “No.Not weirded out. Just confused.”

   Pidgeshrugs. “I mean, it's probably because you're shorter than me. Idon't find that very often, so you're a nice change.”

   Yousnort, rolling your eyes at her words. Despite the sassy move ofdispleasure, Pidge still can't help but awoverjust how cute you made the daunting move look. Your eyes glistenunderneath the uneven, yellow lights of the kitchen, and Pidge stillcan't seem to comprehend how you make such bad, grainy lighting shinedown on you in a way that still flaunts your adorable features.

   “Ifeel like I have to protect you or something,” Pidge continues on,watching a blush sprinkle it's way on your cheeks.

   “Pidge,give it a rest.”

   “I'mserious! You're like – like a younger sibling to me, almost.”

   “Matt'smy favourite.”

   Pidgescrunches her nose up. “I take everything I said back.”

    Thace:

   “Isthere a particular reason you're in my office?”

   Youyelp, shooting upwards. Papers fly out around you, the open deskdrawer suddenly seeming less subtle than you had planned.

   Youhesitantly kick it shut, giving Thace a large grin that screamedinnocent,despite you being caught red handed.

    “Thace!”you exclaim. “Hey! You're back early. How was the mission?”

   Thacedoesn't reply right away, instead opting for narrowing his eyes,trailing them over the office you had so badly destructed in his timeaway. Papers littered the ground, drawers pulled open and chairspushed back to the corners of the room as way to create more spacefor your scavenging.

   Youfollow his gaze, wincing at just how bad of a state you had left theroom in.

   “Iswear I was going to clean it up,” you say. “I just didn't expectyou back so soon, you see. Give me ten minutes and the entire placewill be spotless. I promise.”    Thace shakes his head lightly.“I don't – I don't care about the mess.” He looks back at you.“What are you doing in here?”

   Youpurse your lips cutely, dimples popping on both cheeks as you lookaround the room as if an excuse will fall out of the air if you staysilent for long enough. Your dazed demeanour doesn't go unnoticed byThace, who notes on the way your shoulders are scrunched up by yourjaw line and the way you gently sway back and forth.

   “Iwon't be mad if you tell me the truth,” he says. “The damageisn't that bad.”

   Youlook back at him and smile sweetly – anythingtolighten mood a little bit. “I was – uh – I was actually justlooking for some pictures. Photographs. Them earth things, you know?That capture moments and put them on paper?”    Thace raises abrow. “Pictures of what?”

   Youflush a deep red colour. “Pictures of me and my family.” Yourwords fall short, your voice cracking as the embarrassment floods in.You weren't upset at the memories of your family – it was moresothe fact that Thace now knew you hadn't let go of their memories justyet. Like everybody else on this ship had done, you struggled to doso. You couldn't just forgetaboutthe people who had raised you.

    Thace'sfeatures soften as he shakes his head. “That's cute, Y/N. I'll findthem for you. I promise.”    Your eyes widen, snapping up tolook at him in shock. “Wait, for real? You're not mad?”

   “Howcould I be mad?” Thace scoffs, gently rubbing your arm as he walkspast you, kicking closed desk drawers as he does so. “Come back tome in a few hours. I'm sure I'll have found the pictures by then.”