#blood gore and just general messed up fuckery

[itsanidiom]

( T n T )

[esperosisdoeswriting]

[Protagonist]’s No Good Very Bad Day

Do you all like Eldritch Horror? No? Too bad cause I do :D I hope you all enjoy my little delve into eldritch/cosmic/lovecraftian horror, cause [Protgaonist] sure didn’t.

Content Warning: Gore, Horror Elements, General Mind-fuckery

Word Count: 1047

[Protagonist] sent a sharp kick at his assailant's face, as the four of them were thrown to the side wall of the van as it took another sharp turn. This wasn't exactly how he imagined spending his Saint Patrick's Day. Honestly, he wasn't planning on doing anything. But when your older brother's a gang member with a lot of enemies, you find things rarely ever go your way.

The skinny guy got a good jab at [Protagonist]'s teeth, and he felt his lip split against them as his teeth loosened; the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth. He spit it into the eyes of the short guy, the man cursing as he wiped at his face. The first assailant, a buffer man in a turquoise hoodie, got his hands back on [Protagonist] again as he desperately tried to shove him off.

"Get a hold of him damn it!" the driver shouted back at them.

"I'm trying, but the bastard is slippery!" the buff man shouted, his grip crushing the bones of [Protagonist]'s wrist as he grabbed for his other one. [Protagonist] threw a few swift jabs into the man's side before throwing himself forward, knocking the buff man into the shorter guy, throwing the three of them into a heap.

[Protagonist] tried to get his legs under him as he felt the grip on his wrist loosening, but just then, the van swerved again, knocking him to the side and directly into the skinny guy.

"Control him!" the driver practically spit back at them as he turned around. "I swear if I have to come back there-!"

"The road, dumbass!" the buff man screamed as a blinding light filled the van.

[Protagonist]'s eyes grew wide, and his last waking thought was the image of headlights streaming in through the car's windshield.

----------------------------

[Protagonist]'s first thoughts upon waking up were confusion. He heard a strange dripping sound, felt cold all over his body, and oddly weightless at the same time. It was dark, although he was sure it was just late afternoon when he was grabbed.

Grabbed into the van by those men.

The van that crashed.

And then [Protagonist] felt the pain.

He bit his lip hard enough he felt the flesh tear under his teeth as his entire body was engulfed in roaring pain. His limbs were both frozen and completely engulfed in flames. He felt the sharp and dull aches of crushed bones and pulled muscles. He felt every inch of his body completely shredded into a million pieces.

He watched in horror as the blood dripped down from where he was suspended in the branches of a tree, the crimson dripping down like rain into the crimson lake below him. The ruins of the fallen van were about twenty feet in front of him, and the corpses of his assailants littered the ground in broken messes. There was no way any of them were still alive.

But why was he?

It was a strange feeling of horror he felt when he felt only the barest drops of blood spill from his lips. He was almost entirely out of blood. He laughed as he finally screamed. Almost every drop of his blood was spilled on the ground below him, yet he was still alive.

How was he still alive?!

"Over here, High Priestess," came a strange voice. It was soothing and calm despite the carnage, and [Protagonist] desperately tried to crane his neck to see who it belonged to.

"Oh dear," came a woman's voice, and [Protagonist] felt every inch of his body alight at the sound. Something about her voice filled him with ease, like a long-forgotten friend that he hadn't met yet. Her voice was enchanting and almost hypnotic.

Then he saw them. There was a rather ordinary-looking man in a robe and an indescribable woman alongside him. He saw her long black hair writhing and twisting into indescribable shapes as it flowed inkily through the air. Her floor-length gown melded into the ground and seemed to disappear from this world at the hem, fading into and sprouting from the world around her.

But her eyes. Her eyes were green. They were green and oh so perfectly viridescent. As their eyes met, he felt himself get lost in that… strange emerald hue. Something about just how vibrantly green they were tickled the back of his mind and reminded him of the magnitude of the sun compared to the earth. The green talked of secrets always known and yet whispered in unknown truths.

He felt his mind slowly unravel in the loveliest of ways as he was dragged, kicking and screaming, into a consciousness he never knew he had faded from. The universe was inside that green. It was the green of that all-encompassing nothingness that enveloped the universe.

"Oh, my poor child," she said with a voice that knew the secrets of this world but would never tell them. Knew the most unknowable things and would whisper their sweet nothings into the sanity of madmen. "You've been met with a horrible fate, haven't you?"

He opened his mouth. He wanted to tell her he would devote his existence to her. He wanted to beg at her feet for help. But all that came out was a dull and embarrassing croak. A noise so unbecoming of the woman that stood before him.

She glided across the carnage, unbothered by the blood and gore she traveled across. Not as if any of it could affect her.

"You were gifted with immortality, yet your regeneration is that of a normal person's, isn't it?" she stopped below him, his blood dripping harmlessly through her face and onto the ground. As if she wasn't there.

Ah, he supposed she wasn't.

"Rest now, my child," she reached out and touched his face, her hand passing through his flesh and bone to caress his soul, her fingers painting him anew in every moment she made contact with him. "I will make you whole again." She promised as she ripped him to pieces.

He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he couldn't stand to live without her as his eyes fluttered closed without his permission, sinking into her darkness as the world ceased to exist, and he fell wholeheartedly into her abyss.

[detectivedreameater]

Hello From The Other Side || Erin and Marley

TIMING: Right after this PARTIES: @corpse--diem and @detectivedreameater SUMMARY: Marley gets spat out of the portal and heads straight to Erin’s to answer her 30 missed calls. CONTENT: Blood/Injury descriptions, PTSD mentions

The portal dumped Marley out onto the ground with a loud thump! As she crashed directly onto her face, adding yet another scrape to the bundle of cuts she already had. She didn’t care. She’d made it back. It had worked. She was home. Marley scrambled for the phone in her pocket and clicked it back on, still laying on the ground. The battery flashed at her, only 2% left. She’d have to be quick. She clicked on messages-- 27 unread messages, all from Erin-- and she went to type out a reply, but the phone died and she cursed in at least three different languages. She had no idea where she was, but it looked like she was near some buildings. Brushing as much of the blood from her face off, she stood and stumbled from her spot, looking around for any familiar street signs. Exhaustion had been replaced by adrenaline, excitement. She’d made it, but-- shit, she was way out in the Bend. Couldn’t life cut her a break just once? At least it was night. She was covered in soot and blood-- both blue and black-- and her clothes were torn to tatters, but that didn’t matter if no one could see her. She needed to get home and clean up, but as soon as she started moving, her feet didn’t take her in the direction of downtown. She was in East End before she knew it, gravel crunching under her feet as she turned back into a solid state. It wasn’t until she’d reached the door that she realized how tired she was, limbs hanging like metal and lead. She reached up to open the door, but thought better of it, instead, and curled her first to knock. The sound reverberated in her skull and she clenched her teeth. She heard shuffling, an annoyed voice-- of course Erin would be annoyed by a visitor this late-- before the door opened and Marley waved. “Hey, uh,” she didn’t actually know what to say, “sorry I disappeared. I'm back now.” 

Erin’s body begged for sleep. She could feel it pulling behind her eyes, fighting a war with an anxious mind that refused to bend. It was growing uncomfortably close to a week since she, or anyone at all, had heard from Marley. Gone. Vanished off the face of the earth, apparently. And if her hunch about the portals was right, there wasn’t a damn thing her incessant phone calls to the police station were going to do to help. So here she sat, cradling another glass of whiskey against her chest, worrying a hand through her hair. Maybe tomorrow she’d bother her partner again, try to get a more specific idea of where Marley had been seen last. If this was portal bullshit, maybe she’d get lucky and fall into the same one that had gotten Marley. It was worth a shot, right? She couldn’t just sit here. She couldn’t just continue to sit here, and worry, and do nothing. The knock at the door startled her from her thoughts. It was late, too late for anything business-related. She’d been running on empty but she knew she’d cancelled all plans otherwise, considering the walking torso she was still babysitting in her garage. The only thing that got her off the couch was the hope (and fear) that the police had actually found something. But if they had, and they’d come to her in person to break the news--she yanked the door open. “What do you--” Want. 

Marley. Her jaw hung open as she stared at the sight. It was real. It was her. Bloody, bruised, and generally battered, but it was Marley. Casually strolling up to her doorstep like nothing had happened. Erin let out a long breath, her eyes burning with relieved tears that she couldn’t stop if she tried. She stepped forward, wrapping her arms tightly around her. She was really here. “You fucking asshole,” she murmured, squeezing harder than necessary, like she’d disappear all over again if she didn’t. 

“Oh, wait, don’t--” Marley started, but it was too late, Erin was throwing her arms around her and the fresh blood caked on her tattered jacket was smearing all over her now, too. “Do that…” She finished weakly. She didn’t entirely mind, though. It felt kinda nice. Sighing, she reached around to pat Erin’s back, trying not to get too much more blood on her. “You should um-- let go now, though, unless you also want to be covered in blood and viscera.” And whatever she would call the goo that had melted onto her after she’d killed whatever those things were. She gently pried Erin’s arms off of her and held her at arm’s length, trying not to let her exhaustion show too much. She wondered if she could even see it underneath all the gore. “Can we go inside?” she asked, then, looking around. “I’m kinda tired.” But she was smiling, for whatever reason. Relief, probably. Yeah, that must be it. “And I could really use a drink.”

“I don’t care,” Erin mumbled, making no moves to remove herself or lessen her grip. She’d had her hands in worse things than what she felt squishing against Marley’s clothes. Reluctant still even as Marley pulled her off of her. This close though, she could see the damage hidden beneath splotches of blue and red blood. Tiny bites littered the surface of her skin, speckled alongside bruises and gashes along the surface of her skin. Concern swarmed her features. What the hell did she get into? When she finally pulled away, her hands and white dress shirt were covered in whatever the fuck had died on Marley’s jacket. “Yeah, yeah,” she nodded, wiping her eyes, unconsciously smearing more of the mess onto herself. Still didn’t care and she couldn’t help but return Marley’s smile. “Sorry,” she shook her head, moving to let her into the house, locking the door behind her. “There’s whiskey on the table. I’ll, uh--” she paused, trying to calm the noise in her brain. “I’ll get you some clean clothes. And a washcloth. And some… first aid. Are you hungry--no, wait, you don’t eat what I--sorry, I’ll just...” She gestured behind her but didn’t move more than a few steps backwards, still staring at Marley in disbelief. Her heart pounded in her chest. Suddenly, she felt afraid again, slowing her steps even further. “Don’t leave. Don’t go anywhere. Just stay right here, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Marley moved into the house stiffly, feeling the ache inside of her increasing. She’d need to feed soon, she wasn’t sure how long she’d been gone. She hadn’t thought to look at the date when she’d checked her phone, just the messages. Just to call Erin. Erin was crying now, too, and Marley felt a knot forming in her chest, sticking in her throat. She swallowed and headed towards the couch where Erin instructed there was whiskey waiting, and she shuffled along, straining to take her jacket off before she sat down. It stuck to her in places she didn’t think cloth could stick, tearing at wounds that were still open and fresh and peeling away skin. She winced. She’d take broken ribs over this any day. She laid back on the couch and let her head rest against the back as Erin went off to find her clothes and a rag and band-aids. She nodded and gave a thumbs up. “Don’t worry, I’m not moving from this spot for at least the next hour.” She looked down at her now bare arms and saw the dozens of tiny bite marks, the size of perhaps a cat’s mouth or a small dog. She tried to wipe the blood off but more kept pooling up. It was strange to be so injured at night, but she supposed coming from a multi-dimensional portal, things didn’t follow the rules. 

Erin practically ran to gather up the supplies promised, only pausing to wash off her hands and face of the foreign blood sticking to her. Regrouping with shaky breaths in front of the bathroom mirror. But only for a moment, only long enough to stifle stubborn, relieved tears. Marley was alive. She was back. She was in her living room, right now, safe and sound. “Where the hell were you? What happened?” The questions practically burst from her the moment she re-entered the room, scanning the newly exposed wounds her jacket had hidden. Tried to push away the unease swirling in her stomach, her hands anxious to help. She looked exhausted, worn from whatever hell she’d clearly gone through. Erin lifted her hand, trying to brush away some of the blood-soaked strands of hair caked to her face. “Are you okay?” She asked, her voice softer, riddled with concern. 

“Uh, well,” Marley contemplated on what to say, exactly, “remember those portals I told you to stay away from? I sort of...fell in one. Not on purpose! Before you yell at me. I wasn’t even near any of the ones I’d plotted, actually. It was just my luck that one randomly opened up behind my fucking patrol car and swallowed me whole.” She held out her arm to Erin when she came over with the supplies, but was surprised when she reached up to brush her bloodied hair away from her face. Blinking, she looked down at Erin. “I am now.” The words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them and she had to sit up straighter, clearing her throat, to pretend like she’d meant them. “I mean-- now that I’m back. It was-- I don’t know where I went. Guess I’m a little used to that at this point, though, huh?” Maybe joking right now wasn’t the best idea, but Marley didn’t know any other way to be. She held her arm back out, as if prompting Erin to patch that up instead so that she could go clean her own face off after. “Sorry I didn’t call first. Don’t think my cell carrier has cross-dimensional broadband yet.”

Those fucking portals. Erin’s jaw set tightly, swallowing back a wave of nauseating fear that some magic fuckery had nearly taken the one good thing she had left. It’d been the creeping, incessant thought nagging at her since Marley had vanished, one she’d steadfastly ignored in order to get through each day. Marley would come back. There hadn’t been any other option her sanity could entertain. She wavered slightly under Marley’s gaze, those three words throwing her more than they should have. But she got the hint, taking a deep breath to pull herself back together. She was here. She was alive. “That’s not funny,” she answered as evenly as she could manage, though it was hard to hold back the bite in her words. Took the hint and dropped her hand from her face, giving a particularly nasty looking gash on her arm attention. “Sorry, I was just--” Fucking terrified. Marley could figure that out well enough. Erin let out a breath, opening the first aid kit, keeping her eyes on the task at hand. Another pause, longer this time as she sorted her words. “What the hell happened in there? How did you get out?”

“Worried?” Marley answered, looking down at Erin when she dropped her hand and wondering why she suddenly wished she hadn’t. She cleared her throat again and watched her work, soaking up the blue blood from the wound as it pooled until it finally started to wane. “Sorry. Kinda impulse at this point.” She grumbled and winced a little when the alcohol was dumped on to disinfect it. She wondered if it could disinfect cross-dimensional creatures that couldn’t ever have existed in their world. She blinked back to reality and looked back down at Erin, red eyes soft and tired, despite their glow. “Uh, it’s complicated. To explain. I’m-- not sure I really understand what happened, or where I was, really, but...there were these uh-- nightmare creatures. Shadowy...things. They didn’t move right. And the world wasn’t….right, either. It was all separate and broken up and-- floating. And I fell a long ways and I couldn’t reach the portal right away. I just tried to get back to it. Took a bit. Just kinda made my way back to it as fast as possible and climbed back out. Or-- fell. I’m not really sure. It didn’t feel like I was there that long, but I don’t know what day it is here now.” She paused her story to look down at Erin again. “Sorry, that was a lot. You uh-- okay?”

Erin listened quietly, navigating the wounds along Marley’s skin. Most were superficial and would likely heal given some cleaning and time. But some, like the near-perfect jaw imprint of a portal creature, needed a little extra help. Between this and her nightmarish explanation, she didn’t understand, but she was getting a pretty damn good idea at the hell she’d endured. “It’s Sunday,” she answered, flicking her eyes briefly back to hers. The red glow shouldn’t have calmed her but it did, a growing warmth spreading in her chest that was working its way through the tangle of anxieties. “You’ve been gone for five days,” she grumbled, securing the bandage on her arm before patting the wash cloth against another ragged wound on her shoulder that spread to her collarbone. Erin winced, moving the tattered shirt away to get a better look. Felt like one of them was always winding up on the other end of a fresh med kit these days. She shook her head. “I’m fine. I didn’t go anywhere or fight any shadow portal creature things.” Her brows narrowed and she avoided her eyes. “But, uh--I don’t think your partner and I are ever going to be friends after this. Or anyone in the entire WCPD, if I’m being honest.”

“Fuck,” Marley exhaled, lifting her other hand to rub her head. “That long?” Time must’ve moved differently in there. Why wouldn’t it have? It’d only felt like a few hours to her. Maybe more. After she’d passed out, she had no idea how long she’d been there. Wasn’t like she could’ve checked her watch or phone. Maybe she’d start wearing an analogue again. She watched Erin finish up one of her arms and move towards her shoulder. Though the wound was visible through the tears in the cloth, it wasn’t exactly fully accessible. “Like I said,” she grumbled, “didn’t mean to. Was even doing my hardest to not go near any of them. Not my fault one opened up in the asshole of my car.” Though it did feel like some sort of cosmic “Fuck you, you deserve this!” didn’t it? She ruffled her nose. “Don’t think many of them really like me, either,” she said, sighing. Sometimes it was hard to be there. Without anyone who really understood her side of things, it was hard to remind herself why she did the things she did. “Here,” she shooed Erin away a second, before reaching down and pulling her shirt up, groaning with effort and pain. The bruise that blossomed across her ribs looked almost like the arms of the creatures that had tried to consume her, imprints of their mangled hands having left behind red welts as well. “Better?”

Erin raised a brow at that. “Yeah, that long. How long did you think you were gone? If you had to guess?” It didn’t sound like a walk in the park but at least it didn’t sound like she’d gone through nearly a week of that hell. Silver linings, maybe? “I know,” she nodded, letting her grumble, getting angry again the longer she thought about it. A humorless chuckle slipped from her lips. “It’s a joke. You go out of your way to avoid this bullshit, keep your head down, do what you’re supposed to do, and you still get swallowed up by something.” It was hard not to be bitter. Impossible. She didn’t understand how more people didn’t feel the same. Her eyes widened just slightly as Marley pulled her shirt off, swallowing as they lingered over the bruises marking her sides. “Jesus,” she whispered, her finger trailing lightly along the shapes wrapping around her ribs. When she realized what she was doing, she yanked her hand away, red creeping up her neck and cheeks. She mumbled an apology and couldn’t look at her for more than a few seconds when she went back to tending the cut on her shoulder. “You’re back. And you’re alive. So yeah,” she nodded, letting out a long breath as she pressed the washcloth to her shoulder. “Definitely better.”

“Felt like only a few hours to me,” Marley answered, “though I did pass out at one point. Maybe I really was out for five days, who knows.” She certainly never would. She wasn't going back in that portal under any circumstances, least of all to test out a time theory. She looked down at Erin a bit perplexed. “There’s really no ‘supposed to’ in this world. It’s just do or die. That’s just the way it is. It’s shit but-- that just is.” She wished for a long time that things could’ve been different for her, but they weren’t, and she’d had to leave that train of thought behind decades ago. Erin was looking at her stomach now, and the bruises and cuts that lined it. Luckily, the whatever monsters hadn’t been able to open their jaws wide enough to clamp down on any valuable bits, like her stomach and organs. Instead, they’d left angry, red scratches and tiny little puncture holes from nails. Bruises, welts. She shivered but didn’t move as fingers ghosted across her skiing, tracing the patterns they’d left behind. “You don’t have to apologize,” she mumbled back, sitting up straighter as Erin moved away from her to grab the cloth and press it back to her shoulder. Her head turned to look down at Erin’s, close enough to her that the red glow of her eyes reflected off Erin’s pale skin. Marley swallowed. “I meant the shirt, but…” she paused, “that works, too.”

“Let’s go with a few hours. For both of our sakes.” Marley’s next statement was even less comforting. This was how it was. Magic, and those who wielded it, just did whatever they wanted. It was bad enough the world was brimming with “normal” people who abused their power, regardless of who it hurt. There was even less control here, it seemed, and Erin couldn’t stop being reminded of how low on the power chain she was. “It is shit. Maybe it doesn’t have to--” she started, Josephine’s words suddenly coming to mind, but she backpedaled just as quickly, shaking her head. “Who am I kidding, huh?” She smirked wryly. Marley understood this world better than she did. She actively fought to right those same wrongs they were both frustrated with and she still felt this way. Maybe not an argument for tonight, not with how glaring the exhaustion on Marley’s face was. And close. Very, very close. “I know what you meant,” she breathed. Her eyes dropped to Marley’s lips and that warmth in her torso spread like wildfire. For a moment, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Definitely better either way,” she teased, the words slipping from her without a second thought. She even dared a small smile, lifting her eyes to the comforting red glow of Marley’s. Marley. This was Marley. Her smile wavered and panic took hold. She ducked, resting her forehead to Marley’s shoulder. Remembered how poorly this had gone the last time they veered off track. She couldn’t do that again. Fuck. “You know, uh--” she cleared her throat, lifting her head, pulling back slightly. “There’s--a lot of blood. This would probably go quicker if you just showered. I can finish patching you up after.” 

“Few hours it is, then.” Marley looked around the house and tried not to think too hard about the fact that Erin’s hands were on her bare skin. This had happened a few times before, and every time, Marley had felt the same warmth. It sat in her stomach, felt like a candle flame. Like she’d swallowed fire. She rubbed the side of her head, looking away when Erin did, trying not to tense when she put her forehead against Marley’s shoulder. “Oh, huh,” she mumbled, glancing down at all the tiny bite marks still leaking blood. “That’s-- probably a good idea.” She should’ve done that at first, anyway. Then she could find all the actual injuries and figure out what really did need to be tended to. She moved to grab the arm of the couch and lift herself up, but her muscles strained against her and she gave a muffled cry, stopping her progress. “I uh-- can you help me up?” she asked, wondering, suddenly, if she was asking too much of her. 

Erin’s brain was buzzing as she started collecting bandage wrappers and the washcloth, muddied purple splotches from the two kinds of blood staining all sides. It drew her eyes back to the bite marks and the matching purple bruises smattered across her skin. To exhausted red eyes that scrunched up in pain as Marley tried to move. She was so damn tired of seeing her in pain and that small cry felt like a hard kick to Erin’s stomach. She dropped everything onto the table. “Hey, don’t worry, I’ve got you,” she assured her, closing the space that she had desperately tried to put between them just moments ago. “Your ribs? Or is it more of an ‘absolutely everything hurts because you were just chased by hell dimension demons’ kind of thing?” She asked, reaching for her hands as she leaned in front of her, trying not to stare too hard or make this any weirder than she already had. Hands securely wrapped around hers, Erin nodded, a small, soft smile on her lips. “On 3, I’ll pull. Whenever you’re ready. Nice and easy, okay?”

“Both?” Marley suggested, looking up at Erin and shrugging. “Yeah...both.” She normally would’ve hated the idea of needing help to simply fucking get up off a couch, but she was too tired and achey to care right now. She held her hands out for Erin and squeezed. “On three.” Sucked in a breath. “One, two, thre-- AHh fuck!” Marley stood but it hurt, fuck did it hurt. She wheezed and grabbed her stomach and leaned against Erin as she stood, head on her shoulder. In and out, in and out. Her other hand was still gripping Erin’s. “Just...I just need a second.” Or five. Or ten. Or maybe a whole ass minute. She cleared her throat, though, after a moment and sucked in a breath and nodded, lifting her head. “Okay, I’m good,” she murmured, looking at Erin’s eyes. The worry lines on her forehead and scrunched at the edges of her eyes, and the worried furrow of her brows. The way her lips wavered from smile to frown. Marley reached up subconsciously and drew a thumb across her cheek, wiping away a spatter of blood. “Don’t look so worried,” she mumbled, “I’ll be good in no time.”

Whatever had given Marley the strength to power through the pain to get here was long gone. It was a miracle she’d gotten here at all. Adrenaline was fickle like that. More pain meant more recovery time. “Take your time,” she answered softly against the side of her head, holding her hand tightly, the other loosely wrapped around her waist. Firm but not high enough to disturb what Erin would bet were refractured ribs. Fuck. “I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you. Not like this.” More pain also meant more phone calls to her doctor. She was probably sick of seeing Erin’s number lighting up her phone all hours of the day (and night) with questions, new possible symptoms and injury reports. The woman took it all in stride. Where else could they turn to? Not exactly a slew of supernatural doctors out there. Knew they didn’t have room to be anything but thorough when it came to Marley’s injuries. “I’ll believe it when I see it...” she teased, voice tapering off when soft fingers grazed her cheek. That unsettling warmth returned. Oh, this was--this was so unfair. Erin was bone-achingly tired and it would be so easy to tell better sense to fuck off. It’d already taken it’s fifteen minute break, apparently. One hand moved to cover the one on her cheek, holding it against her own skin. “Worrying is my default. Comes with the whole package.” The corner of her mouth quirked upward but she grew quiet. Comfortable. She didn’t make any more moves to the bathroom. “Still doing okay? Need a few more seconds?”

It would be so easy, Marley realized, to simply lean over right now and kiss Erin. They were close together and her hand was on Erin’s cheek and Erin’s hand was on her hand, and she was looking at her like that. There were a lot of factors, really. The pain didn’t seem so bad at this angle, either. But Marley remembered herself, and remembered what Erin had said-- I don’t want this to ruin our friendship-- so she cleared her throat once more and leaned away and moved her hand. “No, no, I, ah-- I’m good. I’m okay. I can-- make it on my own, I think. Might just take me a sec.” She clutched her ribs again and breathed in, making sure they weren’t entirely broken again. Just fractured. “I think uh-- I think I’m gonna take the week off, though. Maybe two. Fuck-- maybe a month.” She teetered down the hall towards the guest bathroom. “What do you think? Maybe we can take a damn vacation while we’re at it.”

When Marley pulled away Erin was… disappointed. No, that wasn’t right. Her shoulders shouldn’t have slumped the way they did. No other word but disappointed seemed to fit the void her hand left. Some part of her knew this went beyond nearly losing Marley, and the overwhelming relief that came the moment she saw her standing there on her doorstep. “I can--yeah, if you’re sure,” she finally managed, though her voice came out hoarse. She didn’t like the way Marley was still favoring her ribs but she seemed determined to do this on her own. Maybe Marley was more thrown by the last few seconds then she let on. “I think it’s about damn time you said that,” she said, giving a little smile as she watched her hobble along. She followed after her, shoving down pride and disappointment and whatever the hell else kept popping up from the depths. She cringed. “This is so painful to watch. Let me help. I promise I won’t follow you into the shower,” she half teased, putting an arm up for Marley to take. “I’d like to get to bed at some point tonight.”

“You know, it’s funny,” Marley said, trying not to let her voice betray her. She was usually so good at keeping her composure, but there were factors, this time, making it harder. Much harder. She cleared her throat. “Falling into a hell portal kinda makes you wanna take a vacation.” She glanced behind her as she stopped to lean on the wall and noticed Erin following her down the hall, close by. There was a strange look on her face, but Marley wasn’t sure she understood what it was. She was just too tired, that was all. Blinking, she glanced at the offered arm. Rolled her eyes as much as her body would allow before taking it. “Fine, fine. I’d hate for you to lose out on more sleep because of me.” She was right, though, and they made it to the bathroom faster than if Marley had tried to alone, and as she stripped down, flinching with every movement, she wondered if maybe that was a metaphor for her life. But, no-- that was too obvious. The water felt nice on her skin, her wounds, and she washed the grime and blood and muck out of her hair and off her body and watched it swirl down the drain. The only evidence that she had fought for her life and won. 

She had toweled off completely before realizing it was now stained blue. But it didn’t much matter. She tugged on the spare shirt and shorts Erin had fetched her and turned in a small circle, trying to examine all her injuries herself in the mirror. The gashes on her back nearly matched the faded ones on her face and she frowned. Soon, there wouldn’t be enough room left for scars. She pushed her way out of the bathroom and hobbled back towards the living room, maybe not better but certainly not worse. And no long covered in dirt and blood, so that was  win. “I’m ready for my makeover,” she announced as she came back in. Angry, blue bites littered her arms, Bruises to match. They would heal in time and disappear back into tan skin and then, really, there’d be nothing left of her experience. Nothing but the memory. 

Erin didn’t move from the closed bathroom door until she heard the spray of water, and even then, she lingered for a few minutes. At this point, she was all too used to something going wrong just when there was supposed to be peace. But her worries were unwarranted and she took the opportunity to run to her own bathroom. Blood smudged her cheeks, gained from the bear hug she’d pulled Marley into the moment she saw her. As the sink color muddied, she tried not to think about what had died to leave those marks. Marley was here and alive, and that’s all that mattered. Quickly she changed, discarding the ruined red-stained dress shirt into the trash. Marley was still in the bathroom when she returned to the living room. Probably for the best. She needed another moment to regain her bearings and further shove away everything she needed for when Marley reappeared. Her eyes bounced up to hers, then to the freshly cleaned skin covered bite marks once again. Right. She still had to patch her up. She stood from the couch, her knee knocking over the medkit. “Fuck--uh,” she started, kneeling to pick up the bandages, craning her neck to watch her slowly make her way over. “Feeling better?” She asked, nodding towards her. “You look better. Cleaner. Less, you know. Blood.”

Marley watched Erin knock the first aid kit over and moved to help her, but was stopped when her ribs reminded her that she was in no condition to be moving. Groaning, she leaned against the couch and sunk onto the arm. “Well, I mean,” she looked down at herself, at all the tiny little bites that littered her arms, her legs, her shoulders. “Not bleeding means better, right?” As for feeling better, well, she felt clean. That was better. She moved around to sit back on the couch, holding a hand to her ribs to make sure they didn’t shift too much while she did. Maybe one day she wouldn’t have fractured ribs, but it certainly wasn’t going to be today. She sighed, gave a gentle smile. “I’m ready for my makeover,” she said, holding her arms out. If they were going to ignore the awkwardness and pretend it wasn’t there, she was going to make sure things stayed light. They could pretend she hadn’t almost just died, she was fine with that.

“No, no, I got it,” Erin assured her, wincing at the sound Marley made when she tried anyway. “Just sit, relax.” She grabbed the supplies from the floor and settled in beside her. “It means something, alright,” she teased lightly. She supposed better would come with time. Better wouldn’t happen tonight, not after all that she’d been through and all that she’d seen. With the dirt and caked blood washed away, the wounds scattered across her arms were loud and visible. Blue blood was starting to scab over but Erin got to work anyway. “I think we’re going to be here for a while,” she remarked, glancing at the sheer amount of bites. “Let me know if I hurt you.” Her hands were a little shaky but after the second or third wound, she found a rhythm. It was easier to focus on this than anything else rattling around inside of her. One hand drifted down to her forearm, the other spreading Marley’s fingers out to examine them for damage. She swallowed. “What was it like?” She asked, trying to fill some of the silence in the room. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You won’t,” was all Marley said. Erin couldn’t hurt her anymore than those things had, and even if her fingers grazing over bite holes stung, it wasn’t really a hurt. She didn’t suppose there was much Erin could do to hurt her anymore. There was plenty Marley could do, though, to hurt her. Hadn’t she already? She’d seen the pained and horrified look on her face when she’d opened the door, when she’d stripped her jacket off, when she’d just now stood in the hallway, the extent of her injuries full visible for the first time. Marley’s eyes closed, she was ready to sleep for the next 3 days if she could. They popped back open when Erin spoke up. She didn’t know what there was to talk about, but if Erin was asking, that meant there was something. Marley grappled for something to say. “Maybe not right now,” she said quietly. “But...sometime. Soon.” A promise she wasn’t sure she could keep, but one that she wanted to. “Just kinda wanna...be glad I’m here. With you.”

Erin nodded slowly, quietly. She should have guessed that from the exhaustion hanging onto the ends of her eyelids. “Whenever you’re ready,” she answered, smiling softly back at her. She’d be there to listen. With you. Erin’s entire body froze, fingers hovering along the last of the worst gashes on her arm. Did she say it like that on purpose? Did she even know what she was saying? Or was Erin just absolutely that dense? The buzzing questions and Marley’s words stunted her into silence and she finished wrapping her arm instead of immediately replying. She was absolutely thinking too hard about this. She knew that. Didn’t mean she could stop. Realizing she was too quiet for probably too long, she brushed her hand over Marley’s, squeezing it gently. “I’m glad you’re here with me too,” she answered sincerely. There was relief lining her words, much like the relief that had consumed her when she opened the door to see Marley standing there, but there was a grave seriously that overwhelmed them too. It was hard seeing those wounds and to not think about how close she’d come to not making it back here. To her. Her eyes threatened to grow misty again. Kissing Marley’s knuckles, she let her hand drop back down and stood up quickly. “Hey, we should get you to bed. You can barely keep your eyes open,” she chuckled softly, moving across the room. “I’ll just-- I’m gonna grab you some water. I can’t really feed you but it’s the least I can do?” 

It wasn’t quite relief that washed over Marley, but it wasn’t something akin to it. She knew Erin wouldn’t push right now, but perhaps eventually. That was where the relief wore off. And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to, more that she didn’t-- know how. Her own brain was still trying to grapple with what had happened. It didn’t make sense. She’d been so focused on getting out and running way, on surviving, that she hadn’t had time to sit and process what she’d seen or where she’d been. Erin’s hand squeezed hers and Marley looked down in time to watch her press her lips against her knuckles. She felt a shiver run through her body but did her best not to move, blinking to look away when Erin stood. “Yeah, bed--” she started, her throat still clenching, “water. Water sounds good.” It did sound good, it sounded great. Erin left to grab the water and Marley let out a long sigh, leaning back for a moment. Just a moment. Shadows played on the ceiling above her and she closed her eyes tightly. She was safe here. She was home. She wasn’t in that place. Marley opened her eyes again. She could see perfectly in the dark, but she felt surrounded by shadows. Swallowing, she closed her eyes again. They would go eventually. They always did. And before she knew it, her mind had faded away, and sleep dragged her down. Dreams were never a comfort a mara could experience, but at least no nightmares could take away her rest.

[sarcasrnspasrn]

the homestuck epilogues are a big mess: a masterpost of what the fuckery

I read the epilogues all in one day and here I am three days later someone who is two seconds away from becoming an ex-homestuck fan because.... yikes. I recently reblogged two other posts calling out most other homestuck things. Some I agree with, some I think are more “sometimes characters are problematic” but you can’t really ignore how fucked up everything is a whole. And nobody seems to want to unpack the epilogue which i understand because guess what every single tag listed in the prologue happens which is pretty sucky.

Anyways I’m gonna go tag-by-tag to talk about the things and then talk about other general shitty stuff about the epilogue. Here we go lads.

Oh boy here come some disclaimers - I’m white and I’m cis and also I was an active editor at the MSPA wiki! I’m going to retire soonish, probably. If I can. I don’t know if you can self-retire from a leadership role on a wiki. Which means I might have missed some things that weren’t obvious to the me who is white and cist.

The Tags

Graphic Depictions of Violence – The Meat route features the fight with Lord English and definitely has a lot of beatups. We then see John slowly succumb to his injuries over time and eventually die. The descriptions are definitely very very graphic.

Major Character Death – As mentioned above, John in the Meat route. Some characters get sucked into a black hole in the Meat route, though in Candy route it’s revealed they just ended up in Candy’s timeline. John meets up with younger versions of the Beta kids, and they all die by Lord English’s hands. Davepetasprite^2 sacrifices themselves to drag Lord English into the black hole, and Meat Rose’s body ends up in a sorta-dead state where her soul is now in a robot forever as her physical body sleeps. In Candy, Dirk graphically hangs himself, and Vriska chokes Gamzee to death.

Rape – In the Candy route Jane gets drunk and has intercourse with an equally if not more drunk Jake, resulting in her pregnancy.

The Economy – Throughout the Meat route, Dave works to try and get Karkat to be president specifically due to the other candidate’s (Jane) questionable economic opinions. Neither run in Candy route, but Jane ends up influencing the presidency behind the scenes and Dave discusses similar themes, often through Obama.

Xenophobia – The main conflict in Jane’s candidacy is her xenophobia, as she wishes to restrict troll reproduction, eventually leading to complete oppression of the troll race by the end of the Candy route.

Pregnancy – Jane and Roxy get pregnant with Jake and John’s kids, respectively, in the Candy route.

Alternate Universe – The whole fic seems to be vaguely non-canon, particularly the Candy route.

Mind Control – Dirk takes over the narrative in Meat route and uses it to influence the other characters’ motives and thoughts.

Non-Con – See Rape.

Breastfeeding – Roxy is shown breastfeeding her and John’s son (Harry Anderson Egbert. I’m not joking.)

Misogyny – Gamzee is basically awful.

Sexism – See Misogyny

Transphobia – Roxy and Calliope begin transitioning (but only in the Meat route), where they both start using they/them and Roxy eventually begins using he/him at the end. As the narrator, Dirk frequently refers to transitioned Roxy with she/her pronouns.

Misgendering – See Transphobia.

Canon Compliant – The meat timeline, arguably.

Canon Divergent – The candy timeline, arguably.

Redemption – The candy timeline starts of with Calliope insisting it’s time for “Gamzee’s redemption arc”, so John pulls him out of the fridge and he becomes this weird messiah. It’s not really much redemption though and he’s still a creepy fucking clown.

Dubious Consent – See Rape.

Mind Break – Meat Rose slowly becomes overwhelmed by all of her alternate timeline selves and suffers from headaches. She eventually becomes persuaded by Dirk to completely let go, and she gets her consciousness transferred into a robot body.

World War – Jane’s xenophobic actions against trolls eventually lead to a world war between her faction and Karkat’s faction.

Political Intrigue – Meat route focuses a lot on Jane and Karkat’s political campaigns for president, and Candy route features Jane’s meddling in government affairs that eventually leads to Karkat and others to lead a rebellion.

Robots – Dirk and Jake fight robots on reality TV in Meat, and Dirk later transfers Rose’s consciousness into a robotic body in Meat’s postscript. Dave similarly gets transferred into a robot body in Candy by Obama. (I’m still not joking.)

Child Abuse – Jane and Jake’s son, Tavros Crocker (I’m not joking) is implied to be heavily mistreated and neglected by Jane, as well as their third partner, Gamzee, who is also somehow in the mix.

Rough Sex – 

Child Neglect – Tavros is seemingly largely ignored by his parents, and John leaves Roxy and Harry Anderson for most of his adolescence.

Alcohol Use – Jane and Jake get heavily inebriated in the candy route, resulting in pregnancy and marriage.

Breastmilk – Gamzee utilizes breastmilk throughout the Candy route as some way of baptizing people and completing their redemption arcs.

Death – Other than those mentioned in Major Character Death, many other side characters are also mentioned to die during the Candy route’s oppressive regime.

Incestuous Undertones – Briefly discussed by a group during the Meat route while considering the implications of Dirk and Rose flying off from Earth C.

Mental Illness – Rose struggles with visions during Meat, and John questions if he has depression in both routes.

Suicide – Dirk hangs himself in Candy.

Polyamory – Gamzee somehow joins the relationship between Jane and Jake in Candy, eventually resulting in Gamzee auspisticing the two.

Clown Dynamics – Gamzee fucking Makara.

Meta – I think it happens a lot in general.

Abuse – Jane’s relationships with Jake, baby Tavros, and Gamzee are not anywhere near healthy.

Fridging – Dirk’s death sort of helps kick off the plot in Candy.

Genocide – Discussed as a possible outcome of Jane’s presidency, specifically to the trolls.

Diapers – For some reason on Jake’s reality TV show, it’s a thing to throw diapers on the stage.

Murder – Vriska kills Gamzee in Candy.

Honk – Gamzee.

Children – Jane and Jake have Tavros Crocker, John and Roxy have Harry Anderson Egbert, and Kanaya and Rose adopt a Vriska descendant.

Gender Transition – Roxy and Calliope question their gender identities in Meat, leading to Roxy using he/him and changing his hairstyle, and Calliope using they/them. This does not happen in the Candy route.

Depression – John questions if he suffers from this throughout Candy as he continues to feel estranged from his friends.

Toxic Masculinity – I guess Dirk in general?

Sexual Abuse – Whatever was going on in Jake Jane and Gamzee’s relationship in Candy isn’t healthy.

Friends to Lovers – Roxy and John as well as Jane and Jake.

Speciesism – See Xenophobia.

Babies – See Children.

Manipulation – See Dirk.

Gore – See Graphic Depictions of Violence.

Infidelity – Jane starts a relationship with Gamzee while married to Jake.

Marriage – Jane and Jake marry, as well as John and Roxy.

Nonbinary Character(s) – See Gender Transition.

Milking – See uh, Breast Milk and Breastfeeding?

Identity Questioning – See Gender Transition.

Feet – After arriving in Candy route, Vriska finds Gamzee and in her rage, kicks him to the ground. Gamzee starts licking Vriska’s foot. This eventually leads to some sort of weird hate makeout/sex.

Political Rebellion – See Political Intrigue.

Fascism – See Political Intrigue.

Rapping – Dirk and Jake’s TV show in Meat features the two performing rap battles at each other, among other things.

Drug Use – Jane and Jake get drunk in Candy, and Jane starts utilizing the Trickster Lollipop in Meat.

Funerals – In Candy, funerals are held both for Dirk and for a dead Jade from Meat that falls out of the sky.

Religion – Gamzee’s weird cult to help give dead trolls redemption arcs.

Eating – I don’t know why this is on the list.

Food – This is just a thing.

Aliens – Sure are trolls and cherubs here.

Possession – Alternate Calliope uses Jade’s alive body in Meat and an alternate Jade’s dead body in Candy to control the narrative.

Light BDSM – I guess this is whatever is going on in Candy Jake, Jane, and Gamzee’s relationship. As well as the apparently rough sex Terezi and John had in Meat.

Theft – Meenah steals an extra Ring of Life John pilfered in Meat.

Furry – Jade, who is heavily implied to have gained some of Bec’s, um, biology after the sprite merge, which was. Information nobody needed to know.

Anthropomorphic Characters – Jade and Davepetasprite^2.

Power Imbalances – Candy Jane/Jake/Gamzee’s relationship.

Blood – Extreme violence tends to result in this.

Trickster Mode – Jane starts utilizing it in Meat in an attempt to help her campaign.

Body Horror – See Graphic Depictions of Violence.

Gerrymandering – Mentioned by Dave as a tactic utilized by previous presidents in regards to the consorts voting power.

Starvation – Meat John finds Terezi by the black hole, slowly starving to death.

Cuckolding – Candy Gamzee basically cuckolds Jane and Jake.

Interspecies Relationships – Kanaya and Rose, as well as Meat Gamzee/Jane/Jake.

Guns – Jake sure has that.

Vore – I think this is mentioned as a joke somewhere.

Assassination – Dirk pretends to attempt to assassinate Jake in Meat timeline, only to tranquilize the Alternate Calliope-possessed Jade.

Alien Biology – A joke is made about how trolls apparently do not have two dicks.

Detransitioning – Roxy and Calliope are implied to have begun their gender exploration in Candy route, similarly to Meat, but stick to using she/hers throughout the route.

Chronic Illness – Rose is suffering from mental illness that is giving her headaches.

Vomit – After the battle with Lord English in Meat, John barfs all over himself. It’s gross.

Drugging – In Meat, Dirk slips Rose drugs in a drink to induce her into a sleep. He uses a similar drug on the Alternate Calliope-possesed Jade.

Cannibalism – During Candy’s postscript, The Alternate Calliope-possessed Jade devours Lord English’s body.

Unhealthy Relationships – John and Roxy have tensions in their relationship during Candy, as well as the weird cuckolding situation with Candy Jane/Jake/Gamzee.

Capitalism – See Economy.

Eggs – In Candy we see the Mother Grub release eggs that later give birth to baby trolls.

Slut Shaming – In both timelines, Dave and Karkat do not approve of Jade’s apparent promiscuity.

Black Romance – Candy Jane and Jake seem to settle into a kismessitude auspisticed by Gamzee, and Vriska also has a hatemakeout with Gamzee in the same timeline. It’s not clear where Terezi and John’s relationship in Meat laid.

Kidnapping – John attempts to kidnap Tavros Crocker from his abusive parents, eventually leading to a broken relationship with his wife and friends.

Faygo – Gamzee continues to drink the soda and seems to also give some to baby Tavros.

Bimboification – Throughout the Candy arc, everyone seems to slowly lose their character development.

Poisoning – See Drugging.

Teenagers – See Children.

Domestic Abuse – Candy Jane/Jake/Gamzee.

Reality Television – Jake continuously stars in ridiculous reality TV programs in both timelines.

Ovipositioning – See Eggs. I promise it’s not sexual.

Ghosts – The ghost army is seen fighting Lord English in Meat only to be sucked into the black hole, and these ghosts later start dropping out of the sky in the Candy timeline.

Revolutionary Rhetoric – See Political Intrigue.

Self-Sacrifice – Davepetasprite^2 sacrifices themselves to trap Lord English inside the black hole.

Propaganda – Candy Jane pushes propaganda material through the government.

Super PACs – Candy Jane is mentioned to utilize these to influence the government.

Pica – Meat Terezi in her starvation begins eating tobacco and shaving cream.

Early 20th Century Dance Movements – Jake does some of these for some reason.

Prison Camps – In Candy, captured members of the rebellion are mentioned to be sent there.

Existential Crisis – Candy John has one throughout the story, thinking that his reality seems fake.

Xenophilia – See Interspecies Relationships.

Daddy Issues – Tavros Crocker, presumably, and Candy Dave talks about his adoptive dad/bro at Dirk’s funeral.

Bad Parenting – See Child Abuse.

Addiction – Meat Jane appears to develop one to the Trickster Lollipop.

Clown – Gamzee.

I might have missed some on this list because my brain is fuzzy but that’s the general gist.

The Other Things Not Mentioned In The Tags That Are Also Bad

Remember how I mentioned how Gamzee’s back in Candy? While he’s apparently “not sixteen” when he shows up to meet the rest of the gang who is 23, it’s still iffy on what’s going on. And sixteen years later, when he is definitely an adult, he meets up with the definitely 16 year old Vriska, where the two begin some weird blackrom courtship, before she murders the clown. Any way you look at it, Gamzee’s at least twice Vriska’s age. Yuck. Similarly, the dying 23 year old John meets Terezi in the Furthest Ring, where she is apparently also “not 16″ but it’s not really specified how long it’s been from her perspective. And then the two end up having sex. Another notable mention to Candy Karkat and Meenah, who end up in a relationship when Karkat is into his late 20s and Meenah is only 19.

Speaking of sex, in general there’s just a lot of smutty things described in the epilogue. And while all of the characters sans the exceptions mentioned above are 23 or older, it’s still vastly uncomfortable to see characters getting their sex on when we first met them at thirteen.

There’s also all the transitioning tags up there because Roxy and Calliope transition - but only in the Meat timeline. While we only see like one year of Meat, we see sixteen of Candy. I’m not really qualified to comment more about the awkward implications of all this as a cis girl, so I’ll end this segment here.

The thing I think I am qualified to talk about was the furry tag up there. There’s a conversation where Candy Jade is talking to Karkat and Dave (the three vaguely have some sort of polyamory going on, maybe) and talks about having a baby. Jade reveals that she can’t get pregnant due to “biological reasons” and that the possible father of their surrogate baby won’t be Dave, so uh. It’s pretty easy to connect the awful dots. Which is just. What the fuck.

And here’s a whollop. In the characters, Barack Obama was tagged. At first I thought it was because of all of Dave’s references to him, but nope it turns out Dave actually has a conversation with Barack Obama. Basically Dave goes into what was once the white house and finds his way to some sort of weird bunker where he meets Magic Ghost Obama who tells Dave about various things. The worst part is definitely where Obama says he seemed to end up in some sort of relationship with Dirk Strider at one point. He also references things that were first mentioned in the Skaianet Systems Incorporated leaks, you know the ones where Hussie made it Einstein’s fault the holocaust happened? So like, oof. And I’m not sure I can construct a logical timeline in my head based on the information said in the Epilogues and in the leaks to when Obama and Dirk could have met at an equivalent age rather than Obama being an adult and Dirk... not being one. So uh. Yay.

I can’t think of anything else, but I almost definitely missed some stuff since it’s been days since I read those cursed epilogues and I might not pick up on more nuanced things. Basically the epilogues are bad!! And that’s why I’m probably gonna bow out of the Homestuck fandom soon. The comic has not aged well and this was just the icing on the shitty cake.

And if you’re still a Homestuck may I recommend not doing that. Find something else to invest your time into. Please. I know it might have been a big part of your childhood (it was a big part of mine), but it’s time to realize that maybe we’ve been looking through rose-tinted shades for longer than we should have and it’s time to put shitty things in the crapper.

[mercenarypark]

medic hcs

Em made a big hc post for heavy a few days ago [here] and ive been meaning 2 finally do the same w/ medic bcause im gay

note: while i try to be brief about the details, this post is about a gay jewish man in Germany during wwii. to set aside any initial worries, no, he is never kept in the camps- as a jewish person myself it sickens me deep in my stomach to even think of that possibility. but there’s still mentions of n/zism and antisemitism, as one would expect.

also, a fair amount of the details of my medic hcs for his childhood are based on the german side of my family, primarily my grandfather and his father. while i still only know a little about my family history[tm], details like medic’s last name, how his family were able to lay low, etc, are based on the little bits and pieces ive heard from my grandmother #antisemitism #nazism #homophobia #transphobia #satanism #long post #text heavy #tf2 #gore text #medical abuse #malpractice #experimentation mention 

-Medic was born roughly around 1925- he’s in his early 40s around when the game takes place- to the name [redacted] Reichstein. the Reichsteins were reviled in their little town as mad doctors, which was at least somewhat true- they certainly weren’t shy to experimentation on body parts and [willing] subjects. but a good part of the hatred for them stemmed from Good Old Antisemitism, focusing their hate on the fact that they were an openly jewish family and saying that that must be influencing their occasionally morally dubious behavior

-for the longest time, though, people tolerated them- they were the only doctors around, after all. but as time went on, the disgusted glances turned to hate speech, turned to violent threats, and eventually, to violent actions.

-medic’s father, who had long since been debating on moving, finally packed the family up[against his wife’s wishes], and within a night, their home and lab were deserted.

-his father could tell that something terrible was coming. he brought down an ultimatum- they would have to abandon everything jewish about themselves in order to survive. medic was young, still, and didn’t fully understand the severity of why his father seemed so adamant that they never mention holidays they once celebrated, why their old family photos were torn and burned, why his mother was constantly reprimanded when her Yiddish roots showed through her accent

-medic’s father pulled a few favors, and before they moved into a new city, the family name was changed to Reich- a more acceptable, more German name. Reichstein could raise eyebrows, lead to questioning about jewish roots, but there have always been many Reichs in Germany.

-that’s also when Medic got his birthname changed to Ludwig, and he and his mother had to fight like hell for that. his father argued that the last thing they needed was another target on their back- if anyone found out that his son “wasn’t really a boy”, then that would bring the entire family under scrutiny and into danger.

-ludwig refused to take no for an answer. ludwig had always been someone who would rather die than pretend that he’s something he’s not, and this was one of the first signs of that. while he didnt fully understand his connection to judaism, yet, and thus didnt fight to keep it at the time; he DID understand that he wasn’t a girl, and by God did he refuse to pretend otherwise.

-eventually his father relented, though he never once forgot and throughout medic’s childhood, he would bring up how risky it was, how medic was potentially endangering them all.

-to clarify: his father DID technically accept his son being transgender, but he wanted him to repress it, ignore it, force it down and never bring it up, much like their jewish heritage. ludwig refused, and his father never liked that. [when ludwig grew older and became both openly gay AND became a practicing jew again, his father nearly had a fucking heart attack]

-ludwig was heavily isolated for most of his childhood after they moved, partially due to the war’s beginning, partially because his father was afraid of his son giving something away. he was homeschooled by his mother, and rarely left the house, instead spending most of his time playing with the family’s cockatoo, or in his father’s operating room, learning human anatomy

-this isolation[alongside his autism, and veritable cocktail of mental illnesses] helped contribute to medic’s general inability to understand how to interact with people- he is oblivious at the best of times, has no concept of personal space, rarely catches social cues, and has Awful attachment issues. he is overly affectionate with anyone he is even vaguely friendly with, he tends to ramble and talk about uncomfortably personal things without realizing its a bad thing, etc, etc, he is a mess and a half

-he does understand bits and pieces- for example, if he’s physically affectionate with someone, they tend to tense up, and try to get away from him, which means he’s doing something wrong. the problem is that he doesnt understand WHAT he’s doing wrong, or why it’s wrong[answer: he’s covered in blood and bird shit and holding at least one[1] human liver]

-speaking of physical affection, the first time engineer affectionately puts a hand on medic’s shoulder medic fucking freaks out because aside from his parents, NO ONE. no one has ever initiated Friendly Physical Contact with him. usually because theyre freaked out by him in some way. he has no idea how to cope with the fact that someone might actually think of him in a friendly manner to the point of expressing that physically [aside from sexually, which is a whole other story and a half]

-but im getting ahead of myself. the first time ludwig killed a man was when he was 17. a nazi soldier paid an unexpected visit to the Reichs. ludwig, scared for his family’s sake and overwhelmed with a boiling hatred for nazis that had simmered for all of his childhood, killed the man

-his father reacted violently, ranting that now they were doomed, but his mother helped ludwig destroy the body and evidence. by the grace of God, no other nazi followed up that visit- the soldier hadn’t told anyone where he was going, and there had been no witnesses to his visit. and germany was so chaotic at the time, that eventually the man's death was attributed to a previously unnoticed casualty in battle

-that was the first man ludwig killed, and also the first of many, many nazis. he spent a good stretch of his adult life hunting down nazis who had gone under the radar, trying to hide their past ties while still keeping the same disgusting views.

-as ive mentioned, in medical school, ludwig not only became openly gay, but returned to his jewish roots. no longer under his father's roof, and now that the war was over, medic saw no reason to hide aspects of himself any longer. and God help everyone who felt otherwise. especially once the most violently hateful dissenters, began to mysteriously disappear.

-throughout his adult life medic has had Multiple short term, non-serious relationships [including more than his fair share of one night stands], and maybe two serious relationships prior to heavy. neither of those ended well, citing ludwigs mental Fuckery as a big issue. speaking of, his mental fuckery has helped him get into at least a couple abusive relationships, which i wont detail beyond "he survived and healed".

-while he is Jewish, he is the kind of jew who criticizes god every step of the way. at least part of this is due to having to survive during the Shoah.

-the Shoah definitely fucked his mind up. the constant fear for his parents and himself, and the burning hatred for the nazis and everyone who agreed with them or stood back and let them take over, and just overall a horrible sense of helplessness, definitely contributed to a lot of his future mental fuckery, and to his feelings about God. as an adult, and as a doctor, he took the feeling of helplessness he had as a teenager, and flipped it around dramatically- if god didnt help him then, he’d have to become better than god. he would bring retribution where others didnt, and bring power and life to those god would not help.

-he sold his soul to satan sometime around his mid-30s. [this is a sentence that sounds really fucking weird if u dont know much about tf2.] there are a few reasons behind that, but im only gonna talk about one:

-as i've said, medic spent a lot of time murdering nazis who had tried to go into hiding. that's difficult when theyre trying very, very hard to cover up their past. medic struck a deal with satan- in exchange for the names, aliases, and locations of ex-nazis in hiding, he would kill them and send them straight to hell. his soul was just to sweeten the deal.

-ludwig does a Lot of experiments on captured and dead nazis, especially the painful ones. the ol' "removing a patient's skeleton" story was of a nazi officer medic had caught, and medical licence or not, ludwig would do it again in an instant

-medic's flock of homing pigeons, stolen from a wedding van, are like family to him. the original, stolen generation had more pretentious names, as named by their previous owner- mostly well known scientists and philosophers[Archimedes, Newton, Nietzsche, etc]. most of the pigeons he named himself have biblical, jewish names [Mordecai, Elijah, Rebecca, etc]

-ludwig is absolutely never prim, proper, or orderly. if he is wearing a coat that DOESNT have blood and bird shit on it, wait 5 minutes and check again

-he has a tendency to hyperfocus on something and forget things like "humans need food and water to live". heavy usually helps him remember

-medic snores. loudly. and it sounds fucking awful. heavy is, sadly, a very light sleeper. it takes a loooong time for him to finally be able to sleep through medic's snoring, and it winds up being one of the only things he actually CAN sleep through. god help you if you step on a creaky board halfway down the hall, though, because heavy will wake up in an Instant

-if tf2 were in modern times, ludwig's music taste would include a Lot of kesha, klezmer music, black metal, and so on. its varied, is what im saying

-medic, pyro, and soldier all get along surprisingly well together, because they all have a case of "same brain? same brain!", all of them have issues dealing with other people and have problems with processing/understanding things, have trouble w/ psychotic episodes and the like, overall their minds are all wired oddly but somehow they can understand /each other/

-scout accidentally becomes medic's unofficial adopted daughter and thats a whole post and a half on its own. suffice to say medic would do anything for her

-engie, demo, and medic are all Science Gays

-medic also does his best to help demo with his Absolutely Massive Amounts of Trauma and Self Loathing, by at least being a supportive shoulder to lean on when demo tries to drink himself unconscious to forget it all. hes absolutely terrible most of the time at actually saying anything to help, but he can be a good presence, and he has birds. birds help anything

-he has a very casual fling going with spy, since early on in their time at the base. its usually in a state of "on-again off-again", with the latter usually having something to do with how spy acts with scout.

-obviously theres a lot i could say about heavy and medic's relationship, but to put it briefly- theres a loooong time where both of them are "i dont understand social interaction" gays.

-medic is the "i literally dont understand how to act around people im attracted to or that me being extremely overaffectionate around you is due to the fact that im falling in love with you, i dont catch your vague hints towards the fact that you feel the same about me because you literally need to hit me over the head with something in order to get me to catch onto it" gay

-heavy is the "i have spent so many years repressing so much of myself and keeping quiet and not drawing attention to myself, that i physically cannot bring myself to be up front about the fact that im attracted to you. im also afraid of misintepreting signals and i am instead going to assume your over-affectionate attitude is platonic and i am misreading things" gay

-eventually they figure things out and its good and soft and gay

ok its 3 AM and ive been writing on this for at least an hour and a half and i told Em i would go to bed by now dhgfkhhj 

[mithoen]

A HATOFUL AU MASTERPOST

because who Doesn’t want more bird fuckery

legit all of these were collabs between myself and @sproson-ya wouldn’t ya know

,,,,it occurred to me while writing this that it is very Shuu-centric. Hm.

HATOFUL BOYFRIEND IS WHAT IT IS: GRIM, BLOODY, A HORRIBLY FEATHERY MESS

THE USUAL WARNINGS APPLY: MENTIONS OF BLOOD, DEATH, TRAUMA, KNIVES, SEX, FIRE, SICKNESS, SWEARING (most of that is on my part)

ALSO SPOILERS. SO MANY FUCKING SPOILERS, GUYS.

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Redverse AU: Vincent and I’s brainchild. This is the big bad, the main boss, the ‘good god what have we done to these poor birdies’ verse. Shuu/Hitori focused with lots of fluffy Tohri/Kazuaki on the side. Also includes Ryouta/Sakuya and Yuuya/Hiyoko.

Nageki Fujishiro dies in a fire in a certain medical centre, his body completely destroyed. Left with no way to fulfil his dead mentor’s final wish, Souma Isa grows desperate and goes to the only person he can think of to manipulate and keep him looked after - Hitori Uzune. Through a combination of outright lies and using the quail’s mourning over his dead brother against him, Souma manages to convince the other to let him stay in the apartment Hitori had once shared with Nageki.

Joined by their next-door neighbours Kazuaki Nanaki (an old friend of Hitori’s who knew Nageki well) and Tohri Nishikikouji (working part-time at the same school Hitori was working at, as well as having history with Souma) the four are a strange quartet of not-quite friendship and awkward feelings, especially when Souma realises he might be falling in love with Hitori and visa-versa. This is not helped by Tohri and Kazuaki, who begin dating around the same time and even move in together.

Knowing that he cannot enter a relationship with Hitori with the knowledge that the cause of Nageki’s death was at Souma’s hands weighing on his shoulders - rather than the lies Hitori had been told depicting Souma’s innocence - Souma tells his housemate the whole truth.

Hitori does not take it well (which is to be expected) and kicks Souma out, leaving the partridge no choice but to swap rooms with Kazuaki next door. After a month of witnessing Souma sink into a deep depression and struggling with his own unrequited feelings for the partridge, Tohri makes the mistake of letting Souma convince him to have sex with the other. Two days later, Souma is gone.

3 years later and Hitori, Tohri and Kazuaki have moved closer to St. Pigeonations, where the three of them will be teaching together as Maths, Science and Japanese professors respectively. During their first week, they meet Shuu Iwamine - a familiar-faced chukar partridge, who’s medical work had become world-renowned in a very short amount of time. Though it’s obvious who he really is, Hitori is content to ignore it - and life carries on.

There’s more but I can’t be bothered to write it. Just trust me when I say everything ends up alright in the end - Hitori and Shuu get married, they adopt M&K + Ryouta; Kazoo and Tohri adopt their own kid (an OC). Things are okay. I’ll probably end up making a separate post for this AU at some point anyway.

REDVERSE OFFSHOOTS:

Saved AU - Instead of letting Nageki die in the fire, Souma saves his life. It’s basically Redverse except Nageki’s alive, so things turn out a Little differently but not by much. The same pairings apply except now with added Anghel/Nageki.

(OC FOCUSED) Reality TV Show AU: Red Edition - It’s the Reality TV Show AU, except it exists in Redverse instead of Canonverse. Scroll down for more.

Hanahaki Disease AU - Okay but what if people just fucking coughed up flowers, guys. What if the flowers represented unrequited love and were different types depending on who you were in love with. What if Redverse happened except This existed and so it’s easier to tell who’s in love with who, if you’re good at deciphering flowers. FLOWER SYMBOLISM, GUYS. This isn’t restricted to Redverse, it can be combined with other AUs.

Prankster AU: Imagine Happyverse. Now think about Shuu. Imagine Shuu as a not-necessarily-bad-guy who in reality only likes to prank people a lot. He still acts like a cockbag, but he Isn’t. That’s what this is. Ever wanted the St. Pigeonations faculty to have a prank war? Look no further. The kids are involved. Nobody is spared from a water-balloon to the face. This is a Pure Universe.

Soul Eater AU: Don’t even fucking look at me; just keep scrolling. This one needs it’s own post. All you need to know right now is Asshole!Ryuuji exists and he is one shitty motherfucker.

Roleswap AU - Hitori & Shuu Edition: Basically exactly what it sounds like - Hitori and Shuu swap roles, but they keep their individual personality traits and while some events do not change, others do. Pairings include Hitori/Ryuuji (onesided) and Shuu/Kazuaki.

Souma Isa is the eldest sibling to the Hatoful House orphans; his parents killed in an explosion that scarred him for life, partially paralysed him and left him colourblind. Hitori Uzune is the youngest member of the Hawk Party Life Science Research division (LiSciRe for short) and is a kindhearted, hardworking boy loved by all his elders. However, when Ryuuji Kawara dies, something in Hitori breaks and he vows to finish what his mentor started, haunted by a shadow in his heart - the shadow of Ryuuji. 

When the rest of the Hatoful House orphans are killed in a human terrorist attack, Souma and his one remaining sibling - Nageki Fujishiro - are forced to move away. But Nageki’s heath is failing and, in a desperate bid to keep his brother alive, Souma accepts one Hitori Uzune’s offer to fix Nageki. The boy kills himself in a fire and his spirit becomes bound to Souma, determined to make sure his brother does not fall down a dark path.

Despite his slowly failing sanity, Souma is spurred on by his dead brother and finds friendship in a depressed quail by the name of Kazuaki Nanaki. The two grow close over a short amount of time, desperate for the companionship.

However, Hitori needs a new identity - Souma is slowly hunting the quail down, determined to exact revenge for his brother and Hitori doesn’t fancy the idea of becoming Christmas dinner - and Souma’s (unwillingly) provided him with the perfect cover.

Souma spends only a weekend away from Kazuaki; but a weekend is all Hitori needs. When the partridge returns, his friend is nowhere to be found.

Changing his name for fear of his own life at Hitori’s hands, Souma Isa becomes Shuu Iwamine and takes a job as a maths professor at the foremost avian school in the world; St. Pigeonations Academy. There he meets Kazuaki Nanaki for a second time - but he is no longer the man Shuu remembers.

The real Kazuaki is dead.

(OC FOCUSED) Reality TV Show AU: You all know what a reality TV show is. A camera-crew follows you around and records basically everything that happens in your daily life. Imagine that, except it’s the lives of our favourite birdie boyfriends being recorded as they go about their school day. Takes place in canon.

Beniko Segura comes from a family of talented parrots and he is desperate to prove his own worth in the modern day world. Taking on the TV Industry headfirst, he decides to create his own show based around St. Pigeonations Academy; world famous for producing some of the best results from students this decade! 

Assisted by his exasperated but loyal cameraman, Jun Sasaki, the two make it their goal to follow the lives of the most interesting people in school - and, subsequently, get themselves caught up in the talons of a certain doctor when Beni starts poking his nose where it doesn’t belong.

THE OCS:

Beniko Segura - A flashy parrot man who’s made it his goal in life to be just as successful as the rest of his family; constantly overshadowed by his elder twin siblings. In reality, he’s a failure at everything he does and all his shows so far have been flops. Though he’d do better for himself if he slowed down a little and realised he doesn’t need to be the best for people to admire him (COUGHjunCOUGH), the man is unfortunately too thickheaded to see it. Overall a positive, upbeat bird who’d make friends more easily if he wasn’t so loud, abrasive and melodramatic.

Jun Sasaki - A nondescript, everyday generic pigeon who managed to get a job as a cameraman through lots of back-channels and favours in... Interesting places. Spends a lot of his spare time fighting in illegal underground boxing rings and is well known for his winning steak - though you wouldn’t guess it, looking at him. Small but well built, he’s the perfect man for his job and enjoys it a lot. Though he complains to others over being fed up of having to practically babysit his boss in reality he quite likes Beni, perhaps more than he should do considering their relationship is work-only. He’s polite, but fairly anti-social and very much a realist.

Soft Gore AU: Isn’t Sweet!Shuu just a great bird, guys? He’s so nice and definitely not a murderer- oh, wait, yeah he is; at least in this AU. Based around the idea of Shuu being outwardly kind and nice, but still being an asshole serial killer. Potentially worse than Canon!Shuu - he took out Tohri’s eye and made the other eat it, so. It’s called soft gore for a reason.

Ageswap AU: WE ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT THIS ONE IS. MOVE ALONG.

Haunted AU: What if Hitori had died in the Hatoful House incident? What if Nageki had been discovered by Hawk Party agents and placed under Souma’s authority as a lab guinea pig? What if Hitori was a ghost, haunting his brother and watching over him? What if Souma discovered the Charon Virus, but he’d become too attached to Nageki to harness it properly? What if he took Nageki and went on the run with the boy, desperate to protect him? WHAT IF TOHRI WAS EVIL??

Threesome AU: Obviously the only logical thing to do when you hate your local school doctor is fuck his brains out - it releases stress, after all! Don’t worry, Nanaki and Yuuya make sure they take turns. At least they love each other, if not poor Shuu. He likes it rough, though.  A fun AU where everything is basically PwP - kink your hearts out. Blood and knives are, of course, welcome. Polyam Nanaki/Shuu/Yuuya is the focus here.

Domestic AU: Unless your thing is more plain old NanaIwa! I’m not complaining, I love me some good old Hate Husbands. There’s not much to say about this one aside from the fact that it’s post BBL - Nanaki and Shuu living together in uncomfortable cooperation while Shuu gets his legs back, treating each other cruelly and having hatesex all the while. The two do eventually end up falling in love after Shuu gets out of the wheelchair, however. Can potentially be combined with the Threesome AU for that polyam goodness.

Soulmate AU: THIS ONE ALSO NEEDS ITS OWN POST??? HONESTLY???? But to summarise, it’s a Happyverse-like AU where soulmates can feel each other’s emotions separate to their own (depending on the strength of the emotion can cause physical reactions between soulmates) - and the characters don’t necessarily need to be in a romantic relationship, either. Can be combined with other AU’s as well which tends to create interesting dynamics.

Evil Dads AU: Remember a few paragraphs ago where I mentioned ‘asshole!Ryuuji’? Imagine Happyverse, except now Ryuuji’s evil. And so is Tohri. And so is Shuu. And so is Ryouta. And they’re all one big happy evil family! Basically Ryouta’s being trained by his Dad and Co to be a Hawk Party agent, all the while living out his usual canon lifestyle - spending time with Hiyoko, crossdressing, making friends. Tohri/Shuu is a thing, but it isn’t the focus.

I’LL ADD MORE LATERRRRRRR