#blue blood rf

[sorrowfulwill]

blue blood

without doodles under cut

[synergysilhouette]

Rewriting the Specialists (you know, for fun)

Finally, the time has come for me to share my rewrite on the underrated men of the Winx Club series! As with my rewrite of the Winx girls and some of the villains, this is not a "what should be," but my own twist on them. As they are now, they feel like they're just love interests, and I'd appreciate it if they had more going on. I also gave some of them siblings (mainly brothers since all the Winx who had siblings had sisters)

Sky--The Crown Prince of Eraklyon, he's often had to live life as dictated by others, due to the stricter ruling style of the kingdom in contrast to others like Solaria. As such, Sky has been raised to understand a variety of subjects and skills, and is especially prided for being one of the few people in the royal family who possess magic, which makes those around him believe his rule with be a prosperous one. When his best friend Brandon falls for Stella, Sky offers to switch places with him; no one will be the wiser since the Eraklyon royal family is rather private, and very few people outside the planet know what the crown prince looks like. He falls for Bloom, though he holds back on engaging in a relationship with her due to the fact that he's pretending to be Brandon, and wonders if he even should be in a relationship with her due to her witch heritage (with witches in Eraklyon having a particularly nasty reputation; Sky himself has had to dodge accusations of having witch blood due to his magical powers, as so many of his political adversaries have tried to accuse him). However, he does confess his feelings for her during her manipulation with Darkar, as well as comforting her when she discovers her own witch heritage. He cares for Diaspro as a friend, but their political engagement makes him feel distant from her, trying (without being obvious) to show his displeasure with the match while still being a friend to her. It's noted that Sky is rather naive, quick to believe others and show kindness and forgiveness, upholding the beliefs of honor and valor as the sign of a true king. When Domino is reinstated, he makes it priority to befriend Oritel and Mirion, destined to prove that he is the one for Bloom. He's also the specialist who's the best with kids, growing up as an only child and wanting a big family of his own someday. It's implied that Flora and Helia's immediate marriage after graduating Red Fountain and Alfea has inspired Sky and Bloom to get married soon as well.

Visually, I'd base his appearance (even though the specialists weren't based on celebrities like the Winx were) on Chris Evans, as well as being voiced by Christopher Daniel Barnes. I'd also retcon the RF uniform. I'd say Sky's look at Red Fountain is predominantly blue and gold, similar to the uniform he wears later in the season (albeit more fashionable, akin to other magical creatures).

Brandon--Sky's best friend and a resident of Callisto. The planet is rather underdeveloped in the show, and in the 4kids dub it's said to be known as a tourist destination with beautiful beaches and artistic traditions. I thought it'd be nice to use an established planet before making one up, anyway. Sky met Brandon as a child while on vacation in Callisto, and the two became fast friends. While Sky's parents resisted Sky becoming too friendly with someone in a lower social circle (reasoning that as king, he'll have to spend a lot of his free time schmoozing with more important people), they saw how popular Brandon was, becoming something of the pride and joy of the planet due to his kindness, handsomeness, and bravery, so they let the two remain friends. However, the boys are envious of each other's lives; Brandon has lived happily in a middle-class family of love, while Sky has grown up in splendor with a somewhat cold family. Brandon wants to know what it's like to be so powerful, though mainly to impress Stella, having already seen how royals feel about him when he befriended Sky, and worries that she wouldn't (or couldn't) accept him as he was if he didn't pretend to be a prince. Out of the specialists, he's the most inclusive, trying to make sure all his friends are comfortable and part of their activities, social or otherwise, and often talks about his younger brother Kaden, who's about Miele's age. He's also the most entertaining, being the most skilled at dancing and singing, able to pick up new skills and hobbies more easy than most people (which is why Sky nicknamed him "Mr. Perfect" and Riven nicknamed him "Mr. Perfectionist"). As royal consort being engaged to Stella, he's taken to busying himself learning all the ins and outs of royalty in order to support her, though Stella makes sure he doesn't overwork himself. His dream after graduating was to be a hero, and one might argue that he's already achieved that. It's also implied that he and Stella are trying to get married before Sky and Bloom since Flora and Helia already got married after graduation (they tried to plan a double wedding, but it'd be too many people).

Visually, I'd base him off of Ryan Gosling, and have him voiced by Justin Cook (I love him as Eijiro Kirishima). It's revealed that he's got some mer lineage, so he does have a capacity for magic, albeit limited. Sky also created a magic suit for him during missions that protects him from average attacks. It's predominantly red with intrinsic designs, a metaphor for his desire to stand out and be seen as special. (Note: I could also see him as being Hispanic like Flora, though you'd probably need some nods to it when visiting his homeworld.)

Riven--Hailing from Dolona, the most edgy Specialist is known as such for a reason. His mother was of noble blood, but after being seduced by a vampire, she was cast out by her family. Years later, they offered her the chance of "forgiveness," not knowing she had had a child with the vampire. Wanting the best life for herself, she abandoned Riven, and his father only occasionally visited him in the orphanage, but never revealed his identity. As such, Riven has a very skewed look on life, wanting to both impress those above him and dominate his contemporaries, not exactly making him a "team player." He was interested in Bloom, but her lack of tolerance for his disrespectful attitude made that fizzle out quickly. He helped Musa rescue Bloom from Darko (who, if you haven't read my rewrite of some of the villains, is in an on-off relationship with Icy; this was an off period), and the two went on a date after this. At first Musa only saw him as a one-time thing, noting his poor behavior, but after being scorned by Bloom, Riven tries a different, slightly more vulnerable approach with Musa, and they begin a relationship. They do have certain obstacles in their way--Musa putting her career before their relationship at times, Riven's insecurity and jealousy, Darcy stirring the pot--but one of the most trying ones is Riven's discovery that he's a vampire. He doesn't tell anyone, afraid that they'll see him as worse than they already do, and takes to drinking his friends' blood when they're asleep. Given that he's only half vampire, he can't fully absorb negative human emotions and use it for sustenance; if anything, he absorbs them and takes them into his own being, making him more negative than he already is. He has a rivalry with Sky, so Timmy and Brandon are some of the few people who can really console him, as well as Flora (because who doesn't like Flora?). It's worth noting that after he gets involved with Darcy and recognizes his vampire powers, he's not just blowing hot air; his comments have bite (no pun intended) and are much sharper and wittier than before, as he's gotten better with reading people, and there's a vague implication that he's gained some of the thoughts/memories of people he's drank from (including the Winx, which he's only done during battle for a power boost and if they've been knocked out). It's also noted that he probably has a lot of family he doesn't know about, given his background and the respective sizes of each of his parent's families. Once he graduates, he sets out to find them and understand more about himself while Musa works on her music.

Riven's redesigned outfit keeps the purple color scheme of season 8, though much cooler and unique, (if you're into comic books, check out Gambit's 2023 Hellfire Gala costume; it's like that but with the chest area covered and the pants tight instead of baggy, as well as a sleeveless option). I'd take inspiration for his appearance from Adam Levine, as well as have him voiced by Ben Diskin. (Note: I could also see him as Hispanic.)

Timmy--A high-spirited elf from Magix with an ironic love for technology, he's kind of seen as an odd one of his kind (even to his parents), since, despite his nature affinity, he was always drawn to industrialism and innovation. But he never let that ruin his vibe, even if he faces discrimination at Red Fountain for being a nerd. This lessons up with time as his smarts pay off in battle and the classroom, as well as his physical form changing with frequent exercise and his friends' fashion sense influencing him (because let's be real; part of rising in the social circle is conventional attractiveness; Timmy was always attractive, but I did want it to be a journey for him to be on the same athletic level as his friends). However, he finds that at first, he has difficulty channeling his magic, which is later revealed to be his overreliance on technology as well as his relationship with Tecna (who's a cyborg and despite her intelligence, failed to recognize Timmy's emotional state was enabling his powers). He eventually strikes a balance, being affectionately called the "tech elf" by his friends, forming a close friendship with Helia, and having a weird frenemey relationship with Riven. Out of all the Specialists, he sees his relationship as one of two halves; he sees Tecna not just as the love of his life, but as his other half, sharing a lot of his thoughts. For a brief period, he considered becoming an android so he and Tecna could be compatible to be a hive mind, but Tecna and Helia discouraged this, not wanting either of them to lose their individuality, nor have Timmy's powers sealed forever (which would happen if he became one with Zenith's technology). After graduating, Tecna and Timmy rent a space together with Flora and Helia in Lynphea, which Tecna believes could strengthen Timmy's powers due to his nature-related heritage and help him get back in touch with his roots.

Visually, I'd base him off of Tom Holland and voiced by Bryce Papenbrook (I know him as Adrien Agreste) or David Kaufman (AKA Danny Phantom). I'd make his magical costume predominantly green with ever-moving patterns like binary code.

Helia--A peaceful shaman from Linphea, he takes pride in his role of spreading kindness and love, lacking the ability to kill or severely harm anyone with his powers, he's been childhood friends with Flora and almost immediate friends with Timmy when he comes to Red Fountain. However, it's noted that his friendship with the specialists has opened up a competitive/prideful side, but only in a friendly way, nothing as severe as Riven. He's known for being shy, and given how secretive the nature of shamans is anyway (I think we only see two in the entire franchise), he's met with skepticism in Red Fountain, since shamans are equated with witches and wizards, who have been prejudiced against. Not to mention he's Saladin's grandson, so there's concerns of nepotism. However, he deflects these stereotypes with his friendliness, often going out of his way to get gifts for the Winx every time he visits them (particularly Flora), as well as his fellow guys at Red Fountain--though he's rather discreet, due to his own shyness and the students' pride. He's one of the smartest and kindest people there, to the point where he's been volun-told to be a representative for the school, despite his anxiety in crowds and fear of public speaking. He's also adored by animals, so Ariel (my version of Roxy) just adores him. He also has an older sister named Theia and a fraternal twin bother named Endymion, who doesn't go to RF due to being a prodigy and being a healer back in Lynphea, having been a favorite of Guru. When going back to Lynphea, Flora and Helia grow even closer, getting an apartment to share with Timmy and Tecna (though Flora and Helia's parents offer to let the four live with them) and Helia and Flora work on furthering their skills in order to spread healing and kindness throughout the realm.

I'd take inspiration from Henry Golding for his appearance (just putting it out there, I always thought Helia was Asian, and I'd make him Southeast Asian for more diversity, probably Malaysian, Indonesian, or Filipino, though the latter works best since Flora is Latin-inspired and her region in Lynphea would showcase this; I'm also open to Indigenous Siberian inspiration), and have him voiced by Seth Green (don't @ me, but his performance as Patrick in "Scooby Doo 2" is what sold me) or Christopher Sean. I'd make his costume black and silver to showcase his mysterious and magical nature, something cool but still low-key. I'd also note that while a cisgender man, he does allow others to use whatever pronouns they want for him, as well as being the specialist most likely to experiment with androgynous fashion sense.

Nabu--A wizard from the richest family in Andros, he's seen as the "prized pony" by everyone in the kingdom and even beyond. As such, he has been courted by many, though the line thinned slightly because of him being a wizard and that reputation being iffy. As a child, there was a bit of a schism because of the fact that both Neptune and Teredor wanting him for their daughters (and the idea of an open/dual marriage was briefly discussed, but they couldn't get the details ironed out, and I'm not sure if I'm writing this as a kids show anymore, but I digress), but eventually Aisha was seen as the ideal candidate. Neither Nabu nor Aisha were happy to be betrothed to someone they didn't know, but unknowingly met and befriended each other (at the time, Aisha was going by Layla and Nabu was going by Ophir), eventually falling in love. Given that Nabu knew next-to-nothing about politics and Aisha needs "me time" every now and then, they have a rather nuanced and fluid relationship, one that recognizes them as individuals while still being passionate for each other, and Nabu is more than happy being a "silent consort" in the public eye as he learns more about his role and Aisha acts as reigning queen. It's also mentioned that he has Romulean heritage and has two younger brothers: Enki and Ashur (wanted to go with the Babylonian origins of Nabu's name). He's often off adventuring if he's not with Aisha, and doesn't do it without his friends the Specialists, who he also concealed his identity from to prevent harm coming to him or his family in exchange for ransom.

Visually, I'd base him off of Jason Derulo, as well as being voiced by Ogie Banks (Clawd Wolf's VA feels perfect), and I'd put him in aqua colors for his wizard robes. I was personally never certain about his race, though I was almost certain he was black. In my rewrite, he'd also be mixed with Native American (I imagine Central or South American) or Asian heritage (South or East Asian, perhaps Japanese or Korean to distinguish himself from Musa, who's inspiration was Lucy Liu, an actress of Chinese descent). BTW, it'd be nice if at some point in the series, he wears dreads like the "Surf Club" owner; I always loved his hairstyle.

Nex--Everyone kinda sees Nabu's successors as inferior to him, and I can see why. In my rewrite, both Nex and Roy compete for Aisha's affections, thinking that she's a normal girl and not realizing she's a princess (since she's disguised as Layla) or that Nabu is a noble man. When they do, I'm not sure if I'd entertain the idea of Aisha being in an open relationship with Nabu, entertaining Nex and Roy's advances before she settled down with Nabu, or if she denied them outright. In any case, I do like the idea that Nex and Roy become a couple after a good deal of time, so Aisha feels less guilty about rejecting them (and the awkwardness of them joining the other Specialists when joining the Winx). While originally seen as a "Riven clone," Nex is shown to be a lot more vulnerable than Riven. Despite sharing the need to impress and dominate, he's quick to beg forgiveness or feel guilt when he goes too far, and it's noted that from a young age, he spent his early years as a servant before coming to RF, and thus didn't have much of a childhood. As a result, his behavior is moreso innocent childishness rather than malice. It's also of note that he is the most skilled when it comes to the culinary field, as well as having a soft spot for kids and animals, though toxic masculinity makes this hard for him to admit, concerned it'd make him look weak or not manly enough.

Design-wise, I'd base his appearance on Sebastian Stan and voiced by Drake Bell (who did a great job as Spiderman, imo). I'd put him an orange for his magical look, and he's from the planet Serenia, explaining his somewhat tempestuous attitude. It's also of note that he's a werewolf, making him reckless in battle because he can take it.

Roy--A sweet noble from Espero, he's noted as being akin to Timmy and Helia due to his shyness, though he's more bashful than either of them, resulting in a smaller social circle. While working to get Aisha's affections, he discovered growing feelings for Nex, which eventually ended up in the two forming a romantic relationship. He's at home in the water, and is quite a talented swimmer. Raised by his father, it's later revealed that his mother was a mermaid, and that he's able to transform into a merman (just like Bloom, he's a late bloom-er), which explains his fascination with the ocean. It's also explained that after transforming a few times, the benefits of being a merman (faster swimming speed and underwater breathing) temporarily transfer to his human form for a short period. He goes on to work for Aisha's father once graduating, feeling at home in Andros and wanting to find his mother, despite not knowing her (his father notes that they only knew each other for a brief time), something that Nex joins him with.

To diversify him a bit more from the other specialists, I'd give him an abnormal hair color like some tritons have, in this case, green (probably a malachite-like shade), with his appearance inspired by D'Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai (I'm making him Native American here, probably a United States or Canadian Tribe), voiced by Jason Ritter, and his clothes are a deep pink color, having a more flow-y style to them in reference to his aquatic heritage.

Manuel--If you recall, my rewrite of Roxy (or in my version, Ariel), I mentioned that her boyfriend Manuel isn't a specialist, being a human from Earth, but I did want to include him. I'm renaming him Xavier, and he has a similar personality to Sky, being sweet and optimistic, though unlike Sky, he hasn't had the real-world experience to help him mature. As a result, he's easy to take advantage of, and Ariel often has to come to his defense. He almost breaks up with her when she tells him that the reason she left is because she's a fairy and went to a magical school on another planet, but when she proves it to him, he changes his mind. Given that he's not around magic on a day-to-day basis, he's uncertain how to process the info Ariel's given him, questioning everything around him and temporarily having a sanity crisis. He's a skilled athlete, and while most people assume he plays (American) football, he actually plays soccer (AKA association football to everyone outside of America). When the specialists visit Earth, he makes quick friends with all of them, and is honored when Helia does his signature gift-giving and gives him a magic shield should he ever need to protect those he cares about when the winx and the specialists aren't around.

Just like his girlfriend, I'm giving him a design overhaul (well, in text format; I can't draw). Just like how Roxy looks like Tecna, Manuel looks like Sky and Bloom's son--which honestly they could've used for a next-gen series. In any case, I'd make him of either Polynesian (I'm thinking Hawaiian or Tahitian) or Micronesian (likely Chamorro) descent. I'd base his new appearance off of Jason Mamoa, though IDK who I'd cast for his voice since he was never in the show.

Hope you liked my rewrite of the specialists! And make sure to check out my rewrites of the Winx girls and villains. Make sure to let me know if you have any questions.

[satans-helper]

Reaching for Stardust - Part XVI

Read Looking for Space here / Playlists / Read RFS on wattpad

Word Count: ~2800

Warnings: none:)

A/N: Thank you everyone for being patient with my posting! I'm normally very punctual but I also like to make sure I have enough future chapters written ahead of time. It's also just been a tough time lately. But I plan on getting back to more timely uploads. Hope you're enjoying <3

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It really hit me just how big my family had become once Christmas came around, which came unbelievably quickly after Danny’s birthday passed. My own blood-family, the Kiszkas and the Wagners all blended together, crowding the Kiszkas house which was the biggest but still noticeably too small for three families bundled together. We weren’t little kids anymore–we were all adults with our own big, adult identities and voices to match, a big bunch of personality crammed into a childhood home that was beginning to feel further and further away.

I got drunk enough to not be bothered by the perpetual strangeness of my parents mingling with Josh’s–it’s not like that was an entirely novel experience, but each time the interactions began I felt the same trepidation and edginess, like my nervous system was preparing for something awful that, thankfully, never came. Everyone got one so well, so much so that I had to question if I was far drunker than I thought and seeing the world through rose colored glasses, a pair of which actually existed in Sam’s old bedroom. 

But the champagne and cocktails kept flowing, leaving me basking in a warm glow with my sweetheart. We’d all gone the silly sweater route this year, parents included, and when Josh had topped off his outfit with that adorable little penguin hat from that first Christmas we shared, my heart felt like it was going to burst and break with love. Beyond that, we were all coordinated in our itchy, glittery, ridiculous sweaters–Josh and Jake were matching in their midnight blue and silver bells, Sam and Danny in red and gold, Kirsti and I in white and green. Everyone was festive and everyone brought something to the table–literally–beginning with Jake spearheading the appetizers once again. Once I thought I couldn’t stuff myself with any more toasted bread and rich, buttery cheeses, the Kiszka parents brought out a succulent ham in tandem with my parent’s traditional roast turkey, both completed by a myriad of Wagner-made side dishes. So, by the time dessert rolled around, I felt like I really had, in Josh’s words, expanded too much to fit into my wedding dress.

But, keeping Josh’s eternal wisdom in mind, I didn’t worry. Christmas eve was easy and fun, all of us soaking in the new bonds we were forging and the old ones too. Us “kids” stole away time in the garage to smoke a bowl between meals and pound cheap beers Sam had found in the basement and I was laughing so much, enjoying myself so much, that I felt like I was in one of those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies. Except maybe the most unorthodox one you could think of, where everyone was getting drunk and high, three of the main characters were in a band and the other two were getting married in a way that Hallmark would never capture. Our wedding would be even better than anything that had ever been on TV, I drunkenly concluded to myself. 

Still, the romance that was laden in those cheesy movies held true to my reality. Each time I passed the bowl around, lifted my drink or fork or moved in front of the fireplace made me look at my ring. Whenever I moved my hands as we sat at the table, the candlelight making the diamond and the tiny sapphires shimmer and gleam like the snow outside, and each time I looked at it, I looked at Josh next. He caught my eyes each time, face so serene and soft, and I couldn’t believe how lucky I’d gotten after all those years. Not that I was ever unlucky, but that life often felt monotonous. Never all that special. But when Josh had entered my life, it shifted entirely and suddenly “too blessed to be stressed” felt about right. My concerns about the wedding, even though it was right around the corner, were gone, at least during Christmas eve and Christmas day, when Josh and I hopped back to our blood family’s homes then back to our apartment for our own quiet time.

“For fucks’s sake,” Josh said with a laugh, gently nudging a gift bag away from the front door with his foot while we shrugged our coats off. “Our little home is just bursting with presents. What are we going to do with all of these?”

“Buy a house,” I said with a sigh, bending over to grab two more bags and move them into the living room. “Someday. Hopefully someday soon.”

“It’ll happen when it happens,” Josh assured me, helping to carry in another couple of bags. “The right one will appear before our very eyes when the time is right. Trust in the universe.”

“I always do,” I told him with a wink, then gave him a gentle jab of my elbow. “I trust you more though.” 

To be fair to all our family members, most of the gifts were totally practical and wouldn’t take up a whole lot of extra space–a new scarf for each of us, a new ugly Christmas sweater for Josh courtesy of his brothers, slippers, towels, a new set of sheets. Then there were smaller, more sentimental things, like the handwritten card Danny had given me that I immediately sat upright on top of our bedroom dresser and my favorite lighter that Sam had finally returned to me after he accidentally stole it, i.e, forgot he took it. But I knew the best gifts were being saved for last and upon returning to the living room in my comfiest pajamas, Josh was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, two mugs of hot chocolate sitting atop that.

I sat down beside him, immediately resting my head on his shoulder. “Don’t you wanna get into sweatpants or something?” 

“Good idea. I got distracted preparing the cocoa” Josh nudged a red envelope across the coffee table toward me as he stood up. “Open your present now, darling.”

“No, no,” I said, though I was already grabbing it and re-crossing my legs, excited–we’d agreed no “real” gifts, but anything Josh ever gave me was so real that I always felt it pierce my heart. “I’ll wait.”

“No, no, seriously,” he insisted, bending down to kiss the top of my head. “It’s sort of embarrassing to me but I know you’ll get a kick out of it.”

I watched his backside as he left. “Embarrassing? Really?” He half-turned his head to reaffirm my question and, curiosity and intrigue peaking, I decided to open the envelope. There was no card but there was one folded up piece of notebook paper, which I flattened on top of my knee and began to silently read:

Confirm ring size

Figure out proposal–where? SHE SAID YES! 

Engagement photos 

Confirm lodging

Suits

Call caterer

Cake flavor? FROSTING? what is a compote anyway...

Decide on cake design, find someone to bake the fucking thing

Work on vows–those words are just for her

Ring

Thank you cards

Reading each little line made me smile bigger and bigger. When Josh came back to the living room, I felt like my jaw was going to fall right out of my skull, I was so delirious. He looked just as happy when he met my excited gaze; he laughed and plopped down next to me, curling into my side. 

“What is this?” I asked, laughing, though it needed no explanation.

“It’s the undeniable proof of my own neuroses,” Josh told me, stealing the list back to review himself. “Tangible evidence that I worry about the same things you do.”

“You’ve never been a list man,” I noted. “This is surprising.”

“Yeah, well, I think we both know how many things go into a wedding now. It turned me into a list man.”

I held the piece of paper up into the blue and white glow of our Christmas tree lights–we never had enough space for a full tree, but we made do with a miniature one tucked into the corner of the living room. “I love it so much. I’m inclined to frame it,” I told him, and Josh laughed. I reached behind myself for the envelope I’d prepared, still waiting on the end table by the couch, and placed it in his lap. “Now yours. I gotta warn you though–it’s cheesy.”

“I like cheesy,” Josh assured me with an eager smile, tearing it open. It was the cheesiest yet one of the most important gifts I could think of, and the look on his face when he saw the picture affirmed that. “Wow. Yes! Our initials as the centerpiece in our wedding, inlaid in the same wood we fell in love around–of course!”

It was just that. Well, not a centerpiece–more like an entry piece, if there was such a term. Most of the wedding lingo still went in one ear and out the other. Whatever the proper word for the item, I’d custom ordered our initials–the exact way we’d carved them into the barn–to be engraved in a raw cut piece of wood and propped up just inside the lodge. It had ended up being just about the last wedding detail I needed to sign off on and it was the one I was most proud of. 

“The real thing is just for us,” I said, finally reaching for my hot chocolate. “You know, I’ve never told anyone else where our barn is. It really is our secret place.”

“Me either. It really is the place we fell in love too,” Josh said, tucking the photo back into the envelope. “It feels like just yesterday you texted me asking me to come look for constellations with you. I finally cracked you.”

I chuckled, licking foam from my upper lip. “The fact that you brought gummies helped.” 

“I know you sometimes, or rather, you often, worry that things won’t always be like this. You worry things won’t always be good,” Josh began, inching closer, his body warm and comforting. “And I know sometimes how I move so fast all the time makes you worry more. But things can always be like this, you know.”

There were so many ways that could be interpreted. “Like how?”

“Easy. Happy. Whole.”

“Goddamn,” I muttered, smiling just the same. “We really are in a Hallmark movie now.”

“I’m fucking serious, doll,” Josh insisted, quick hands assaulting my sides until I nearly toppled over with laughter. “We have everything we need! The last thing to make our lives complete is happening very soon.”

“I know. I’m excited. But isn’t that sort of daunting? If getting married is the final thing we need for our lives to be complete, won’t the rest of it be super boring?”

“There’s no such thing as ‘boring’ when it comes to you and me.”

I smiled again, bringing the hot chocolate back up to my lips. “Fair enough.” 

“It’s no secret that I worry too. You know why I meditate so frequently.”

I set my mug down and slid up to actually sit on the couch, reaching my hand down for Josh to follow. As he settled back next to me, leaning against my chest, I asked, “What are you most worried about now?”

“You know…” Josh said slowly, running his fingertips down my arm.

I nodded. “Yeah, same here. All of us being together throughout the holidays made me want it even more. Our family is supposed to stick together, but instead the boys are getting further and further away.” 

“They’ll always come back,” Josh mused. “That’s not the problem.”

“No. That’s reassuring. But where do we want to be, Josh? We still haven’t figured it out.”

“I’ve been waiting on the universe to guide me in that decision since I can’t decide.” He rubbed his cheek against my shoulder with a soft groan. “That’s okay, right? We’ve made so many decisions over these past few months–what’s wrong with putting aside this one for a while?”

“Nothing at all. I’m totally fine with that.”

Josh hummed and nuzzled my shoulder harder before he popped his head up and said, “24 more days.”

I blinked. “Seriously? It feels like it’s happening like, next week. January 18th sounds right around the corner from now.”

“Don’t wish all the time away. We need room to breathe.”

I laid my hand over Josh’s chest. “We really do. Speaking of–you’re still doing alright?” He’d recovered from his little bout of pneumonia nearly three weeks ago, but the worry of that, the memory of my own fear, still came back to bite at me every once in a while.

“Fit as a fiddle, my love,” Josh said, patting my hand over his heart. “Now should we watch one of those cheesy Hallmark movies that you think our lives are mirroring?”

“Yes,” I said emphatically, reaching for the remote. 

Twenty minutes into the movie, it was obvious that it didn’t quite mirror our lives–neither of us had some slightly obscure, ridiculously high-paying job that led us away from our hometown. We hadn’t had some random meet-cute in a snow-covered city square to bring us together. We certainly hadn’t said “I love you” after a week of knowing one another and we hadn’t gotten engaged that quickly either–not that those things already happened twenty minutes in, but I knew the play-by-play of these so-called films like the back of my hand.

“Another thing,” Josh chirped, stringing along the critique of the movie and the comparison of our lives to it. “We’re both better looking than these two leads. You know I don’t like to say anything negative about anyone, but they’re very average.” His head was in my lap and he looked pointedly up at me to add, “You’re a stunner.”

I tapped the tip of his nose. “You are, Joshua.”

“You are, mama.” He sat up and reached to the coffee table for the bowl of popcorn courtesy of both of our never-ending appetites. “I see why people like these movies so much despite all of their flaws. They’re whimsical. It’s the most cut and dry love story one can have, all nicely wrapped with a big bow.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” I agreed, stealing a handful of popcorn for myself. “You could make a really awesome love story into a film, Josh. I know you haven’t been working on anything like that lately but maybe someday–you know?”

“All of my films are love stories.”

“I know that. But like, you could do something like this but a thousand times better. A thousand times more real.”

Josh hummed softly, leaning against my shoulder. “I do want to create something big soon. I’ve been reading through all of our poetry for inspiration.”

“Really?” I asked brightly, flattered. 

“You know what I just thought of?” Josh asked, the words as bright as my own had been. “Our wedding vows are going to be like another collaborative poem. It’s like we’re going back to the beginning.” 

I smiled, chewing. “Oh my god,” I said after the mouthful of popcorn was gone. “You’re so right. I didn’t think of it that way but–yeah.” 

“Have you finished yours?”

“No,” I said shamelessly. I’d been keeping Josh fairly up to date on my vows, mostly about how nervous I was for them to be perfect and how scary it was to say them in front of other people, but the thought that it was just like another shared poem eased my mind. 

Josh chuckled, nuzzling his cheek against my shoulder. “Me either. But I’m so close. I wish I could have you proofread them for me but I think that would diminish the magic.”

“Have Jakey do it for you,” I encouraged, using my clean hand to fuss with Josh’s hair. “I bet he’d be happy to.”

“No. No one gets to see or hear it or see it before you do,” Josh said, so suddenly serious. That, too, was flattering. 

I stepped out onto the balcony for a brief look into the night sky before we went to bed. It was an exceptionally clear night despite the season and the lights of our complex and the town around us–above me was an endlessly deep ceiling of midnight blue, the color so rich and dark but not quite onyx yet. The moon was free of clouds, a startlingly bright white nearly full circle, the haze shimmering off its surface pink and blue, and the stars around it twinkled fiercely silver. It was perfect. 

Inspired, I had to look up what the moon phase would be on our wedding–a half-moon in Taurus. One side in shadow, the other in light, the whole celestial being radiating in Josh’s sun sign. That was even more perfect.

---

Tagging: @sparrowofrhiannon @starbuggie @lightsofthe-living-gvf @sanguinebats @gvfrry @clairesjointshurt @bizzielisteningtogreta @jjwasneverhere @gvfrry

If you’d like to be tagged in any of my fics, you can go here or DM me :)

[okiecookie20]

EXO 'Obsession' theory part 2 | 🔗Part 1

Have a Xiumiñ first❣️

• Let's analyze the EXODEUX Trailer (I'll point out clues and try to decipher them!)

We see the phases of the moon. In some way this represents how half side is bright and the other dark (that could mean that EXO has to endure the fight since both parts are their own):

Crudely we are given to understand that they have to remain in a state of balance to be the legends but RF has somehow disturbed this balance.

The trailer was released on 8 Nov '19. What if X-EXO came alive on the blood moon (total lunar eclipse)? The phenomenon had been observed sometime in Nov 1909, 1928, 2022. A solar eclipse is shown and then we see destruction. I'm confident that EXO regain powers from this as seen in Power, What is Love. And since X-EXO are their halves or smth they get powers too.

Exo Planet #4 - The EℓyXiOn vcr shows us how the exos were being chased by some unknown beings who had the same powers as them. Kai opened the portal doors and rescued them just in time. Now we know these beings were X-EXO.

Okay so first they show us what is the result of X-EXO's actions. We find that from 0:11 some member's dna turns black (at first I thought it faded and crumbled) and then Kāi is shown — it could be a hint that it's him who is corrupted as he also fades.

Then appears THE TREE OF LIFE?!! And a fire which renders it dry 😦(the mv seems to be set on exoplanet). We can see how the eye of the RF coveted the heart of the tree as was prophesied in MAMA intro.

Since we see Chanyeol's power directly harming it, I'm convinced what I discussed about him here might be true... Next we see a sandstorm and then booming thunder (Respective x-exo members shown in reverse order then)

I'm sure u must have noticed all this but from 0:32, something very interesting happens: a red drop is shown to separate from a source of water and it shines as it ascends. Suhø's shot is briefly interrupted by Baëkhyun - hmm.

Even in the photobooks, they have pics next to each other. This could mean that they're together in on smth. (Notice Suhø's hand on his throat, I'll discuss about this later in this post)

In the EXplOration Dot vcr, we find Baëkhyun looking at a screen. I'm pretty sure he is monitoring the other members. This leads to another theory of a binary between him and Suhø.

Back to EXODEUX, exo's powers prove to be very destructive since they've fallen into wrong hands. At 0:56 we see them facing a red celestial ball very much like our sun but creepy. Is this the eye of the RF? Another possibility is that it could be one of the two suns created as shown in Power intro because the legends separated into M & K. Once again we see Suhø and Baëkhyun facing each other:

We get a closer look at their eyes and all seem to have blue eyes:

Hold it! Chën has one blue eye and one dark brown!!! (he has red and white lashes too)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @exo.onearewe

The conclusion I make from these clues is that jongdae has learnt how to regain that balance we talked about. So my earlier assumption as discussed in part i might not be correct and it is Chen who has won the fight. At first Chën looks confident but slowly as the game progresses, it is Chen who becomes more confident - he put his feet on the table.

• Let's analyze the mv now. The first fight shown is of Baek and his evil counterpart in a match of fencing. We see that the audience is dark hooded figures with red eyes:

One thing I noticed is that when Baekhyun is shown alone, there are white lights turned on and the stands for the audience are empty. But when Baëkhyun is alone, the lights are off and some red lights glow overhead (cctv cams?).

Baëkhyun looked like he hurt himself in the fight (some people theorize he wears a face-chain to cover his wound):

I would safely assume that nobody won or lost the match. This is because both are seen facing each other even in the final shot of this set.

• Moving on to Sehun; he tries to aim arrows at his evil double Sehůn. We see how many times he has tried but missed his target. There is a similar blue target behind Sehun too:

In EXODEUX we look closely at the aesthetic of X-EXO's eyes and all of them have dark makeup or scars - all but Sehůn! His eyes are clean and pure from the influence of the RF.

In the teaser poster below, Sehůn (case 94) is the only one on whom the target is not locked!

He is never seen with his double and is trying to fake it and trick the RF!! While the other X-EXO mems look sinister/appear expressive, Sehůn seems unbothered.

He is the only member who has concept pics with a blue background. Furthermore, his nails are almost clean and not like the other X-EXO ppl.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @exo.onearewe

Sehun is also the only Exo member to appear in the EXODEUX Trailer at the end. All of this is too much of a coincidence and I believe he already fought his counterpart, won and has come to save EXO as we see in his mv remake (2014):

• Now let's talk about Suho's scenes. Suho is looking around in an art gallery full of pictures based on water and waves. He is suspended mid-air in the place but a new shot shows it is much more deeper than that both literally and figuratively: he is trapped underwater and his evil counterpart is the one trying to drown him.

Suhø is standing in water with 7 unknown hands reaching out to him - this could be a biblical reference to the seven deadly sins. Since the album was released in 2019, this is a nod to my fav group's 7th anniversary. Come to think of it he has red hair styled as devil's horns (junmyeon looks so perfect oml):

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A post shared by @exo.onearewe

In the beginning, he is shown trying to control the members as if they are puppets (yeah well I've watched this mv in slow-mo many times)

At 1:55 we notice a choking Suhø (junmyeon confirmed this) - the imagery is very creepy. This is because if Suho drowns, his double would choke too.

Sehun shoots arrows at his evil counterpart and gets hurt himself.

The recurrent theme is that whichever side - the good or the evil one tries to harm the other, both suffer the same fate. Why? because they are halves of each other as we discussed in the beginning of this post.

Getting back to the mv, the planets start to align as this happens.

This is just like the narration in MAMA intro: ...The day the grounds beget a singe file before one sky...

The teaser posters have this "Warning" on them:

A messy world order Anomalies due to twisted orbits

Moving on, we find out how the X-EXO are nothing but agents and creation of the RF. Notice how the screen inside Suhø's head is very similar to the ones in and outside Chen's room.

•I'd like to talk about the red glowing marks on some of X-EXO ppl. Only Sehun's and Chanyeol's evil doubles do not glow. This could be another clue that Sehůn is good. The other X-EXO mems are corrupted. Instead Yeøl appears in inverted and oversaturated colors looking demonic.

• Another thing I noticed at around 3:06 of mv Jongdae and Suho sing this for the first time:

"The turned-on exit light" instead of "The turned-off exit light" as in chorus.

The ending shows a burning planet (initially I thought it was Earth but then I noticed it looked a bit different). SM confirmed it is "half of" exo Planet. Additionally it has a deep red glow ofc hinting this is because of the RF. There is still hope for exo to recover and defeat their enemies.

Thanks for reading!🍒 I'll probably make some compilation post for these theories.

[royal-confessions]

“So Harry still believes that Royal men marry women who fit the mold even after his father married the love of his life, who was a divorcee , who was once the most hated woman in Britain and who caused scandals to the royal family. Lol not gonna mention W&K.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“It's so funny that Harry said that the RF said that they urge royal men to marry women who fit the mold when 1) William proposed to Kate after almost 10 years and 2) Kate was heavily criticized and even insulted for being a commoner. Does he think what he says or there's a screenwriter making the script who never read a single thing about the RF?” - Submitted by Anonymous

“What are Harry and Meghan talking about? The Queen married Prince Phillip for love, not because he fit the mould. The palace wasn’t very happy with her choice. King Charles DIDN’T WANT to marry Diana who fit the “mould” while Camila didn't. Prince William married a “commoner” who wasn’t of “blue blood” or fit the mould either and she was insulted and haunted for years for that reason.” - Submitted by Anonymous

[racmune]

heyyyy im racmune, i use he/him pronouns. i draw a lot and write fic sometimes! im a weird n i post whatevers :P

my inbox is always open n im pretty friendly, if you wanna send in an ask u dont gotta be shy!

art commissions: not open atm, subject 2 change

dni, excluding what should be obvious: support israel, te(rf), swerf, truscum, exclusionist, etc

i also block very liberally, if you dont fit this criteria n ive blocked you it aint personal

more about me

current hyperfixations: the scratched universe (STRAPS YOU TO A CHAIR AND FORCES YOU TO WATCH IT), scoutpauling, tf2, n web design :3333

likes include but not limited to: music, anime, fanfiction, video games, chattin w/ buds, sleeping, drawing, computers, ftm history n such :P

dislikes include but not limited to: rude people, intense unfamiliar tastes n textures ..... uhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk what else tbh

sideblogs

@last-seen-in-wonderland - pastel/cute aesthetic sideblog. for the art (somewhat inactive)

@gnu-metal - 90s-00s (some exceptions) internet/computers aesthetic. for the gender.. AND THE AUTISM.

tag list :P

blacklistable tags

#blood

#gore

#unsanitary

#body horror

#flashing lights

#eyestrain

#loud

#unreality

#liminal spaces

#fnaf movie - for spoilers

#spto - scott pilgrim anime spoilers

personal tags i guess?

#queue - my queue tag, mehh ill make it a pun at some point

#fave - fave posts tag

#favefavefave - super/ult fave posts tag

#andy rambles - my text post tag

#ask - ask tag

#anon - anon tag (non-anons are tagged by username but tooo many to list here)

#tagged/sent - posts sent to me via dm or that ive been tagged in :3

#racmune art - my art tag

#racmune fics - my fic tag

#commissions - art commissions ive done and posts relating to my commissions

#clips - tag for game clips

#scoutposting - my scout tag :3c

#mongusposting - mongus tag

#friend art - art made by friendsss

#trans scout - tag for scout being trans (i dont use this tag as much anymore)

#ftm stuff - tag for ftm related stuff :P history, art, etc

#rule 63 - genderbend tag

#art inspo - tag 4 my art inspiration

#later - tag 4 posts i want to come back to

#gif - gif tag

#gifset - tag 4 posts with more than one gif... this is not what a gifset is but its what ive been using this tag for oops

#stim - stim tag

#mecore - stuff that is genderful.... "MEEEEE"

#important - important posts (i dont use this as much anymore either)

#bangers - posts w over 100 notes :p

#1k - posts w over 1k notes

#2k - posts w over 2k notes

old dtiys

#racdtiys15

#racdtiys16

fandoms/stuff im into

#the scratched universe

#nope 2022

#emesis blue

#lil pootis

#uramichi oniisan

#danshi koukousei no nichijou

#cool doji danshi

#math

#poetry

#webweave

#john k samson

#mf doom

#re - resident evil

#aphmau

#mlb - miraculous ladybug

#tadc - the amazing digital circus

#paradigm game

#fnaf

#beetlejuice

#brokeback mountain

#i love you phillip morris

#dog day afternoon

#romeos 2011

#portal

#half life

#spiderverse

#the boondocks

#enstars

#hi-fi rush

#legend of zelda

#disco elysium

#scott pilgrim

#brba - breaking bad

#death note

#hbomberguy

#jerma

#rtvs - radio tv solutions

#eftf2 - escape from tf2

#bully game

#dungeon meshi

#sally face

#creepypasta

#thief and the cobbler

#ultrakill

#gay shame

ship tags

#scoutpauling - scout x miss pauling

#heavymedic - heavy x medic

#freedom fries - soldier x spy

#boots n bombs - soldier x demoman

#scoutcest - scout x scout

#flash fire - scout x pyro

#hop scotch - scout x demoman

#heavyscout - heavy x scout

#pyrosoldier - pyro x soldier

#soldierheavy - soldier x heavy

#helmet party - soldier x engineer

#fruit scones - soldier x medic

#american aviators - soldier x sniper

#demopyro - demoman x pyro

#texas toast - engineer x pyro

#pyropauling - pyro x miss pauling

#burn ward - pyro x medic

#bushfire - sniper x pyro

#pyrospy - pyro x spy

#demoheavy - demoman x heavy

#demoengie - demoman x engineer

#jagerbombs - medic x demoman

#sword van - demoman x sniper

#bomb voyage - demoman x spy

#engieheavy - engineer x heavy

#spoovy - spy x heavy

#science party - medic x engineer

#sniperpauling - sniper x miss pauling

#trucks n vans - engineer x sniper

#bushmed - sniper x medic

#napoleon complex - engineer x spy

#medispy - medic x spy

#adminhale - administrator x saxton hale

#zhannascout - zhanna x scout

#soldierzhanna - soldier x zhanna

#scoutmaspy - scouts ma x spy

#zhannapauling - zhanna x miss pauling

#adminsniper - administrator x sniper

#zhannascoutpauling - zhanna x scout x miss pauling

#tf2 deep fried desire - scout x fried chicken lady

#tf2 lady and the tramp - miss pauling x fried chicken lady

#swing and a missfire - scout x miss pauling x pyro

#engiedemoheavy - engineer x demoman x heavy

#soldierdemozhanna - soldier x demoman x zhanna

#masked mechanic - fixer x jumpsuit (the scratched universe)

#fruit punch - foster x p.rick (the scratched universe)

#purplephone - purple guy x phone guy (fnaf)

#scollace - scott x wallace (scott pilgrim)

#toddallace - todd x wallace (scott pilgrim)

#kowalkins - pete kowalski x jimmy hopkins (bully / canis canem edit)

#gabv1el - gabriel x v1 (ultrakill)

^other tags 2 be added but tumblr doesnt let me add any more hyperlinks so sorry abt that 0_o

[coderedblood]

Rune Factory English Voice Actors/Actresses:

I’m a huge fan of Rune Factory. It seems sort of niche bc when I ask other gamers (I’m a casual gamer, don’t ask me to be on any teams 😂) about it they don’t really know what it is. One of the things I love about is is how they get these huge voice actors for the games, which seem so small (but I know it isn’t, it’s sold hundreds of thousands of copies)

WARNING: ONLY ENGLISH VOICES ARE COUNTED HERE. I’M DOING THIS FOR MYSELF AND WHAT I KNOW. I MAY DO A JAPANESE VERSION.

Raguna (Rune Factory and Rune Factory: Frontier) is Vash the Stampede, Ichigo from Bleach, Sabo from One Piece, and Nero from Devil May Cry

Mist (Rune Factory and Rune Factory: Frontier) is Haru from Persona 5

Bianca (Rune Factory and Rune Factory: Frontier) is Saya from Blood+ (I didn’t see that one coming)

Tabatha (Rune Factory and Rune Factory: Frontier) is Mima from Perfect Blue and Rem from Trigun

Iris (both of them, RFF) is Rukia from Bleach and Yuki from Haruhi Suzumiya

Anette (RFF) is Starfire (and Blackfire!) from Teen Titans and Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time

Raven (RF3) is Amy Rose from Sonic Boom

Electra (Rune Factory: Tides of Destiny) is Annie from Attack on Titan (didn’t see this one coming either)

Bacchus (RFTOD) is Vampire Hunter D (and D’s left hand!) (loved this one)

Vishnal (Rune Factory 4) is Leonardo from the 2003 Ninja Turtles cartoon and Kappa Mikey

Clorica (RF4) is Shiki from The World Ends With You

Xiao Pai (RF4) is Jenny from My Life As A Teenage Robot

Doug (RF4) is Sasuke from Naruto

Margaret (RF4) is Hinata from Naruto, Kyrie from Devil May Cry and Orihime from Bleach

Forte (RF4) is Abbey Bominable from the first Monster High cartoon

Amber (RF4) is Morgana from Persona 5

Dolce (RF4) is Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist (this one actually makes sense), Maka Albarn from Soul Eater and the female protagonist of Persona 3

Frey (RF4) is Gaz from Invader ZIM

Ares (Rune Factory 5) is SwaySway from The Breadwinners

Scarlett (RF5) is Retsuko from Aggretsuko, Akko from Little Witch Academia and Ryuko from Kill La Kill

Lucy (RF5) is Loona from Helluva Boss and Emira Blight from The Owl House

Martin (RF5) is Louis from Beastars

Cecil (RF5) is Hunter from The Owl House and Remy from Big City Greens

Ryker (RF5) is Trebol from One Piece (also, also did not see this coming)

Livia (RF5) is Rebecca from One Piece

Misasagi (RF5) is Tatsuki from Bleach

Rudolph (RF5) is Mugman from The Cuphead Show!

Yuki (RF5) is Beauty from Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo

Darroch (RF5) is Jelly Jiggler from Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo (which brings back memories and makes actually a lot of sense)

Radea (RF5) is Reiju from One Piece (also makes sense)

Gideon (RF5) is Griffon from Devil May Cry and Scratchmen Apoo from One Piece

SHARED VOICE ACTORS/ACTRESSES

Lara (RF1 and Rune Factory: Frontier), Eunice (RFF) and Maerwen (from Rune Factory: Tides of Destiny) have the same voice actress (and are Kitana and Mileena from Mortal Kombats 9 and X)

Melody (RF and RFF) and Sonja (Rune Factory: Tides of Destiny) have the same voice actress

Carmen and Shara (both Rune Factory 3) have the same voice actress and is Triela from Gunslinger Girl

Rosetta (RF and RFF) and Beatrice (Rune Factory 5) have the same voice actress

Nancy (from RF4) and Hina (from RF5) have the same voice actress who’s also Kikimora from The Owl House

Ventuswill and Lin Fa (both RF4) and Selphy (RFF) have the same voice actress who’s also Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop

Micah (Rune Factory 3) and Bismarck (RFTOD) have the same voice actor who is also Ling Yao from Fullmetal Alchemist and Natsu Dragneel from Fairy Tail

Violet (RFTOD) and Priscilla (RF5) have the same voice actress

Lily and Sierra (both RFTOD) have the same voice actress

Pandora and Quinn (both RFTOD) have the same voice actress

James (RFTOD) and Leon (RF4) have the same voice actor who’s also Law from One Piece and Levi from Attack on Titan

Dylas and Bado (both RF4) have the same voice actor

Arthur and Jones (both RF4) have the same voice actor who is also Donatello from the 2003 Ninja Turtles cartoon

Father Gerard (RFF) and Heinz (RF5) have the same voice actor who’s also adult Gohan from Dragon Ball Z and Kiba from Naruto

Cinnamon (RFF) and Fuuka (RF5) have the same voice actress who is also Marinette from Miraculous Ladybug and Verosika Mayday from Helluva Boss

Simone and Julian (both RF5) have the same voice actress who’s also Ash from Pokémon and April from the 2003 Ninja Turtles cartoon

[annemariewrites]

List of all the books I’ve read

just wanted to keep a list of what I’ve read throughout my life (that I can remember)

Fiction:

“The Outsiders,” SE Hinton

“The Weirdo,” Theodore Taylor

“The Devil’s Arithmetic,” Jane Yolen

“Julie of the Wolves series,” Jean Craighead George

“Soft Rain,” Cornelia Cornelissen

“Island of the Blue Dolphins,” Scott O’Dell

“The Twilight series,” Stephanie Mayer

“To Kill a Mockingbird,” Harper Lee

“Gamer Girl,” Mari Mancusi

“Redwall / Mossflower / Mattimeo / Mariel of Redwall,” Brian Jacques

“1984,” and  “Animal Farm,” George Orwell

“Killing Mr. Griffin,” Lois Duncan

“Huckleberry Finn,” Mark Twain

“Rainbow’s End,” Irene Hannon

“Cold Mountain,” Charles Frazier

“Between Shades of Gray,” Ruta Sepetys

“Great Short Works of Edgar Allan Poe,” Edgar Allen Poe

“Lord of the Flies,” William Golding

“The Great Gatsby,” F Scott Fitzgerald

“The Harry Potter series,” JK Rowling

“The Fault in Our Stars,” “Looking for Alaska,” and “Paper Towns,” John Green

“Thirteen Reasons Why,” Jay Asher

“The Hunger Games series,” Suzanne Collins

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” Stephen Chbosky

“Fifty Shades of Grey,” EL James

“Speak,” and “Wintergirls,” Laurie Halse Anderson

“The Handmaid’s Tale,” Margaret Atwood

“Mama Day,” Gloria Naylor

“Jane Eyre,” Charlotte Bronte

“Wide Sargasso Sea,” Jean Rhys

“The Haunting of Hill House,” Shirley Jackson

“The Chosen,” Chaim Potok

“Leaves of Grass,” Walt Whitman

“Till We Have Faces,” CS Lewis

“One Foot in Eden,” Ron Rash

“Jim the Boy,” Tony Earley

“The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox,” Maggie O’Farrell

“A Land More Kind Than Home,” Wiley Cash

“A Parchment of Leaves,” Silas House

“Beowulf,” Seamus Heaney

“The Silence of the Lambs / Red Dragon / Hannibal / Hannibal Rinsing,” Thomas Harris

“Cry the Beloved Country,” Alan Paton

“Moby Dick,” Herman Melville

“The Hobbit / The Lord of the Rings trilogy / The Silmarillion,” JRR Tolkien

“Beren and Luthien,” JRR Tolkien, edited by Christopher Tolkien

“Children of Blood and Bone / Children of Virtue and Vengeance,” Tomi Adeyemi

“Soundless,” Richelle Mead

“The Girl with the Louding Voice,” Abi Dare

“A Song of Ice and Fire series / Fire and Blood,” GRR Martin

“A Separate Peace,” John Knowles

“The Bluest Eye,” and “Beloved,” Toni Morrison

“Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley

“The Giver / Gathering Blue / Messenger / Son,” Lois Lowry

“The Ivory Carver trilogy,” Sue Harrison

“The Grapes of Wrath,” and “Of Mice and Men,” John Steinbeck

“The God of Small Things,” Arundhati Roy

“Fahrenheit 451,” Ray Bradbury

“The Night Circus,” Erin Morgenstern

“Sunflower Dog,” Kevin Winchester

“The Catcher in the Rye,” JD Salinger

“The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian,” Sherman Alexie

“The Good Girl,” Mary Kubica 

“The Last Unicorn,” Peter S Beagle

“Slaughterhouse Five,” Kurt Vonnegut Jr

“The Joy Luck Club,” Amy Tan

“The Sworn Virgin,” Kristopher Dukes

“The Color Purple,” Alice Walker

“Their Eyes Were Watching God,” Zora Neale Hurston

“The Light Between Oceans,” ML Stedman

“Yellowface,” RF Kuang

“A Flicker in the Dark,” Stacy Willingham

“One Piece Novel: Ace’s Story,” Sho Hinata

Non-fiction:

“Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl,” Anne Frank

“Night,” Elie Wiesel

“Invisible Sisters,” Jessica Handler

“I Am Malala,” Malala Yousafzai

“The Interesting Narrative,” Olaudah Equiano

“The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,” Rebecca Skloot

“Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl,” Harriet Jacobs

“The Princess Diarist,” Carrie Fisher

“Adulting: How to Become a Grown Up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps,” Kelly Williams Brown

“How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie

“Carrie Fisher: a Life on the Edge,” Sheila Weller

“Make ‘Em Laugh,” Debbie Reynolds and Dorian Hannaway

“How to be an Anti-Racist,” Ibram X Kendi

“Maus,” Art Spiegelman

“I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” Maya Angelou

“Wise Gals: the Spies Who Built the CIA and Changed the Future of Espionage,” Nathalia Holt

“Persepolis,” and “Persepolis II,” Marjane Satrapi

“How to Write a Novel,” Manuel Komroff

“The Nazi Genocide of the Roma,” Anton Weiss-Wendt

“Children of the Flames: Dr. Josef Mengele and the Untold Story of the Twins of Auschwitz,” Lucette Matalon Lagnado and Sheila Cohn Dekel

[hussyknee]

I have had to make peace with the fact that Red, White and Royal Blue is fundamentally American Brand Hopium and therefore white liberal shit (I think that's like a prerequisite for being one of my hyperfixations. They all live in the space between trashy glamour and an irritated moral consicence, never giving me a moment's peace). But one thing Casey Mcquiston did right (apart from letting the Jewish girl and MoC dunk on T-Swift*) was making Henry walk away from the Crown in the coda. The amount of fanfiction that centers on making him and Alex have a Westminster wedding and being granted dukedoms is fucking me up. Like, it's not just one or two, it's nearly every single fic written well enough to be readable.

In the USAmerican liberal mind, having a brown man of colonized origins ascend to Royal White Gay status is somehow progressive, rather than making him also complicit in an institution that is the literal symbol of white supremacy, colonial genocide, pillaged wealth and systemic inequality. Mcquiston, for all their faults, at least recognised that the wealth of empire is a blood-soaked thing, and to partake of it makes you complicit in its sins. Literally that's one of the first things that sets Henry apart from his family, and gets Alex's attention. The fandom otoh, hasn't gotten the memo. Or maybe not having to live the reality of colonial violence and trauma gives them the privilege of escaping the moral implications of British royalty. I know that the US's Overton window is fucked beyond all hope, but what passes for the leftist solidarity among white queers is a tragedy. No wonder every Black person or PoC over there is fucked up in some way.

As you can see with Meghan Markle, bringing BIPOC into violently oppressive, white supremacist institutions isn't a win for their communities, it's feeding them alive into maw of the beast for liberal tokenism. The virulent racism is a fucking foundational feature, not a bug. I'm not faulting her for marrying the man she loved, and they don't deserve any of the horrible shit the RF has been putting them through, but in a purely political context, her joining the RF was a betrayal of her fellow colonized. And the fact that they refuse to relinquish their titles, even after everything, tells us that they're still not in solidarity with everyone else this parasitic, anti-democratic relic institution has fucked over. But apparently that's peak fantasy for USAmerican and white queers.

This is why I don't fuck with fandom outside of AO3 anymore. It's always the same. Whites and the West just don't have any actual leftist values, or if they do, they're purely cosmetic. It's nothing to do with your generational cohort bullshit, y'all are just as fucking racist and white privileged as your parents.

*substracting every single point for having Alex crush on Justin Trudeau immediately beforehand though. Trudeau's blackface scandal and allegations of misogynistic and racist harrassment way predated 2019, when the book would have been in edits. Also minus fucking points for making Alex idolise Obama, and Scalia's BFF Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I wonder whether white libs know that this white woman refused to retire during the Obama administration, making the current Handmaiden's Tale state of affairs directly her fault. Also the fact that Thurgood Marshall and also the heroes of the Chicano Civil Rights movement were right the fuck there. And stop fucking blaming your education system because the rest of us learned about US history on our own, because y'all's global cultural hegemony penalizes us for not knowing this shit.

[skingo]

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Microneedling includes the use of tiny needles to create micro-injuries inside the skin. This activates the body's natural healing method, resulting in improved collagen manufacturing. The treatment is powerful for various concerns, including acne scars, nice lines, and uneven texture.

Final Thoughts

When it involves facial acne treatment in Singapore, the options are diverse and cater to diverse skin issues. From advanced technology like Hydrafacial to classic strategies like chemical peels, there may be a treatment for anyone. It's important to visit a certified expert before undergoing any procedure to decide the excellent choice for your skin type and worries. Remember, healthful and glowing skin is funding, and Singapore offers a number of the best options inside the international.

[farjanabdsblog]

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[90s00wcwwwf]

13th April 1997: “ECW Barely Legal 1997”: Philadelphia, PA (ECW Arena) – 1,170

($66,000 live gate)

Dark matches: Louie Spicolli beat Balls Mahoney; JT Smith and Chris Chetti defeated Little Guido and Tommy Rich.

PPV Broadcast: The Eliminators downed ECW World Tag Champions The Dudley Boys to win the titles; Rob Van Dam toppled Lance Storm; The Great Sasuke, Gran Hamada and Masato Yakushiji overturned Taka Michinoku, Terry Boy and Dick Togo; ECW TV Champion Shane Douglas bested Pitbull #2; Taz overturned Sabu; Terry Funk bested The Sandman and Stevie Richards in a three-way elimination match; Terry Funk rolled over ECW World Champion Raven to win the title.

News & Notes: ECW finally made it to PPV. They had some help along the way. The WWF invited ECW stars to appear on RAW is WAR. They invaded the program multiple times. This included a debate between Jerry Lawler and Paul E. Dangerously. Lawler had no love for the company. But he was willing to do business. This rivalry continues into future ECW PPVs. However, ECW was lucky to make it this far. The event almost didn’t happen because of an incident in late 1996.

Axl Rotten missed a house show in November. Heyman needed someone to fill his spot for a tag team match against the Gangstas. A young man named Erich Kulas approached him backstage. He claimed Killer Kowalski trained him. Erich also said he was in his 20s. Both statements were lies. Kulas had a bus driver gimmick. He called himself Mass Transit because of his size. The ECW wrestlers didn’t like his attitude. Erich dictated what would happen in his match, despite being a rookie substitute in the bout. Since it was a Gangstas match, it would involve blood. Kulas never bladed. He asked New Jack to do it for him. That was a mistake. Jack used a scalpel and Mass Transit bled like a stuck pig. His father was in the crowd. He screamed for someone to stop the match. His son was only 17. Kulas and his father sued ECW. But they acquitted ECW and New Jack because Erich asked New Jack to blade him. His lies also didn’t help his case.

Wrestling reporter Wade Keller brought the incident to the PPV carriers’ attention. They hesitated to carry the show. Some companies acquiesced after fans emailed their complaints. But they had caveats. ECW must tone down the violence, start at a later time, and there would be no New Jack! (The Gangstas were in the tag team title match. ECW removed them to appease PPV providers.)

Before I begin, I’ll introduce a new group in ECW. Stevie Richards and The Blue Meanie broke away from Raven. They created their own stable. It’s a parody of the nWo named The Blue World Order. Stevie became Big Stevie Cool (Nash). The Meanie called himself Da Blue Guy (Hall). And Super Nova joined as Hollywood Nova (Hogan). Then they added an entourage. This included a man named Thomas Harris playing Thomas the Inch Worm Rodman. It also featured a character named 7-11 (Syxx). RF Video founder Rob Feinstein played him. The bWo even recruited a Japanese contingent. You’ll see them on this show.

[sutherlandcote]

Chemotherapy-induced smell and taste modifications effect food understanding throughout cancer malignancy sufferers.

Our review gifts a straightforward colorimetricmethod to discover the portion of just living to dead tissues in cultures, in line with the uptake ofmethylene glowing blue throughout option simply by dead N. braunii tissue. The key details impacting this process have been looked at and also used to produce a protocol. This techniquewas confirmed utilizing flow cytometry as well as Neochloris oleoabundans, and appearance never to be restricted to employ along with W. braunii. (H) 2015 Elsevier N.V. All privileges set aside.Glial fibrillary acid proteins (GFAP) is the basic principle intermediate filament (IF) protein throughout astrocytes. Variations within the GFAP gene cause Alexander ailment (AxD), an infrequent, dangerous neurological problem characterized by the existence of abnormal astrocytes that contain GFAP proteins aggregates, classified Rosenthal fibres (RFs), and the loss of myelin. All GFAP mutations result in the same histopathological problem, my partner and i.elizabeth. RFs, even though small is known how the mutations influence proteins piling up as well as astrocyte function. On this study, all of us found that GFAP piling up triggers macroautophagy, an important settlement device pertaining to protection against aggregated healthy proteins. This particular autophagic fact is in a negative way regulated through mammalian focus on regarding rapamycin (mTOR). The particular account activation of p38 MAPK simply by GFAP deposition is at part responsible for your down-regulation involving phosphorylated-mTOR along with the subsequent service associated with autophagy. Our study shows that AxD mutant GFAP deposition stimulates autophagy, in a fashion managed simply by p38 MAPK as well as mTOR signaling pathways. Autophagy, therefore, serves as a procedure to scale back GFAP ranges.Cancer of prostate is the most frequently identified most cancers in men and also the next major source of cancer deaths. The actual solution men's prostate distinct antigen (PSA) will be the just bio-marker consistently employed in verification. The aim of these studies ended up being to create a program to evaluate the existence of circulating men's prostate tissues in males without having a diagnosing prostate type of cancer with regards as we grow old, serum PSA ranges and also men's prostate biopsy by identifying the co-expression of varied guns including CD82, HER-2 and matrix metalloproteinase Two (MMP-2). For this purpose mononuclear cells had been divided coming from blood vessels utilizing differential centrifugation after which prostate cellular material were recognized by making use of regular immunocytochemical approach. Outcomes established that between 409 adult men tested pertaining to cancer of the prostate click here 16.6% had been positive pertaining to circulating men's prostate tissues. Cells ended up beneficial regarding MMP-2 and also HER-2 throughout One hundred as well as 14.3% associated with instances, respectively, without an connection to grow older as well as PSA quantities. Nonetheless, CD82 protein term had been associated with old age group and low quality cancers. It is usually figured study regarding going around prostate tissues with various guns could be a valuable supporting screening process test for prostate cancer in men to comprehend PSA stage.

[readwithkaia]

2021년 읽기 일기

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman (4)

The 500 Years of Resistance Comic by Gord Hill (5)

500 Years of Indigenous Resistance by Gord Hill (4)

The Poppy War by RF Kuang (5)

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan (3)

An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz (5)

The Dragon Republic by RF Kuang (5)

The Burning God by RF Kuang (5)

Everything You Know About Indians is Wrong by Paul Chaat Smith (3)

Waiting on a Bright Moon by Neon Yang (3)

Donald Duk by Frank Chin (4)

Lot No 249 by Arthur Conan Doyle (2)

Carmilla by J Sheridan Le Fanu (3)

Margins & Mainstreams by Gary Okihiro (5)

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (5)

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson (3)

The Island of Dr. Moreau by HG Wells (3)

No-No Boy by John Okada (4)

Heartstopper, Vol 1 by Alice Oseman (5)

Heartstopper, Vol 2 by Alice Oseman (5)

Heartstopper, Vol 3 by Alice Oseman (5)

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (4)

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang (4)

When You Trap a Tiger by Tae Keller (5)

In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens (4)

On Sunbeam by Tillie Walden (5)

1984 by George Orwell (4)

Heartstopper Vol. 4 by Alice Oseman (5)

Almond by Won-Pyung Sohn (4)

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo (4)

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim (4)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (5)

The Mountains Sing by Nguyen Phan Que Mai (4)

The Hole by Hye-Young Pyun (3)

The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water by Zen Cho (3)

Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis (4)

A Lover's Discourse by Xiaolu Guo (4)

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas (5)

When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain by Nghi Vo (4)

The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury (3)

Slippery Creatures by KJ Charles (4)

Coraline by Neil Gaiman (4)

Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix (4)

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne-Jones (4)

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao (5)

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica (4)

If Cats Disappeared from the World by Genki Kawamura (5)

I Have the Right to Destroy Myself by Youngha Kim (2)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuinston (3)

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata (3)

Sweet Bean Paste by Durian Sukegawa (5)

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver (5)

Sword Dance by AJ Demas (4)

A Dowry of Blood by ST Gibson (5)

Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim (4)

Moon of the Crusted Snow by Waubgeshig Rice (4)

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson (4)

When the Whales Leave by Yuri Rytkheu (5)

Whiteout by Elyse Springer (4)

Human Enough by ES Yu (4)

Total Read: 60

Total 5 stars: 21

Total 4 stars: 26

Total 3 stars: 11

Total 2 stars: 2

[cryinginthebackseat]

you’ve got more poison than sugar - part iii

part i  part ii  AO3

Fandom: Call Of Duty

Pairing: Russell Adler x Bell

Words: 6.572

Warnings: here’s where the smut tag comes into play, boy with a copious amount of power play and yeah, it’s messy af

Author’s note: after three months, a couple of brainstorming in the bathtub, delays, revisions and self-doubt, chapter 3 is finally done. i hope you'll enjoy it. also, i don't think i have to warn you what will go down in this chapter.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Fast forward to twenty-four hours since he discovers that Bell is fucking someone, Lazar drops about half a dozen of dusty manilas on his desk. Adler’s eyes sweep over them. He recognizes Bell’s handwriting etched across the memo attached to one of the folders right away.

He picks it up. It’s becoming second nature to him lately; drawing himself to her, an ineradicable magnetic force pulling his end of the pole.

A muscle on his jaw twitches.

For a moment, Adler despises her. He allows himself to really despise her. She’s started something in his head- a war; an intangible, unmanageable riot and if he lets her, she’ll rearrange him until he’s insane.

And he can’t let that happen. He’s the one holding the leash here, not vice versa.

“This is what we have on Dragovich’s activities in Yamantau,” Lazar informs him, pulling him back down to earth.

Adler stands, keeping his face easy, neutral. “Is this everything?”

“So far, yeah. Bell says she’ll let us know if she digs up something more from the archives though.”

Bell- the Bell in question- can be heard sighing, like she turns the corner and finds herself at a cul-de-sac; hunching over her desk, reading, her fingers keep buttoning and unbuttoning the top of her shirt, madly distracting (him).

She remains in her seat, for pretty much the remainder of the day. Eyes glued to the pages before her, factory-like dedication. She hardly looks up when Sims borrows her pen or when Park stands over her, sipping her coffee, inquiring about her progress behind a plume of smoke.

The only- truly time Bell ever lifts her head from her work is when Mason approaches her desk. She gazes up at him, notes forgotten, a kittenish smile etched across her face, come-hither eyes that could have time hung in motion, or held at ransom, perhaps. Mason’s own smile is full-blown, too wide, too genial, as he stalks closer and closer to her table, her whirlpool.

Adler does a double-take, like his eyeballs only functioning for the first time. He might as well be hallucinating it because no... this can’t be right, can it?

But then Mason is touching her hand, a blink-and-you-miss-it movement that was not lost on Adler and oh, she’s looking at him hopefully now.

The knots in Adler's stomach are vertiginous. Realization rings in his head like a gunshot, nearly leaving him in a daze. There’s no denying it. Not when the exchange unfurls before his eyes like a broken, warped film reel and there’s nothing to stop him from seeing it.

The thought of her and him haunts the rest of his waking hours, until there’s absolutely no telling how far he’s fallen into his own pit. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ( Alex Mason fucked her that night.

Mason was in her bed; beside her, above her, under her. Inside her. He imagines her fingers digging into the mattress as Mason rolled her onto her stomach, mouth trailing down the ladder of her spine. Their breaths intermingled in the seraphic glow of her hotel room.

Alex Mason fucked her. It shouldn't leave an acrid taste in his mouth, but it does.)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ She haphazardly reaches for the mug and takes a hearty gulp of its content. It’s not hers.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Bell says, mortified and places the mug down noisily on the desk. “I’m sorry, I thought it was mine.”

The rim of his mug is now stained with her lipstick. Adler bites down on a careful retort.

He thinks he knows now. Why he lets it happen, why he thinks of her in metaphors, why she gives him that vertigo. The answer is at the tip of his tongue- he can almost taste it, like spoiled milk or rancid gardenia. But it’s much easier to ignore it until the words grow diminuendo and disappear, that he thinks he imagined it all along.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You can’t obsess without turning around and getting lost in the middle.

Or losing a part of yourself in the process.

The idea of obsession, to obsess, perhaps is a far riskier thing for a person to have than playing the knife game, blindfolded with absolutely no telling where to start.

Yet we all do it, despite knowing the very dark flipside it possesses.

Perhaps it’s the very nature of humans, tucked deep within the pigeonhole of our minds, suffused by the very promise of bogus achievements that usually leads most of us insane, thinking that obsession is essential to living. But without it, artists are corporate slaves, slack-jawed know-it-alls moving stiffly in the middle of the hullabaloo that is our world; Paris would be just as unrecognizable today without Napoleon’s artistic legacy.

Obsession is good.

Obsession is dangerous.

The very dichotomy should have us all warded off of it.

Yet, again, we all do it. Again, and again, and again until it taints our veins. And it’s always far too late until you realize, that yes, now all you see is her, the air has been poisoned by her perfume, that her name is now forevermore engraved in your skin, like an overgild tattoo.

That you end up in downtown Berlin, out of sight, out of mind.

He finds them there, in a shoebox-sized cafe. Ill-lit, low-ceiling, coffee-stained floor that shows the wear of three decades worth of boots, pantoffels and high heels and Adler is sitting in his car, nursing a beer with but one all-consuming, perplexing thought:

Bell and Mason.

Someone told him they arrived together, about an hour ago. The cafe has become their usual haunts, his source said, ever since they’ve returned from Ukraine and Adler just can’t wrap his head around this- them. In his head, they’re wholly different entities. Two proper nouns separated by a conjunction, or a comma if mentioned in a list.

They’re the kind of opposites that he thought don’t attract, yet here they are.

Perhaps it's inevitable, both are products of brainwashing. Maybe they sensed one another, speaking in code, like detecting an RF signal from a nuclear bunker.

Then the doors to the cafe swing open. They step outside, cheeks flushed, his arm wrapped around her waist, her lips glueing on the slope of his neck. Shaded eyes watch them from the opposite street, his disgust obvious.

Now, Adler wonders how this all began. Someone must have made the first move.

He wonders if it was her. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"You wanted to see me?"

Adler looks up from his desk and nods. "Lock the door behind you."

And Alex Mason, the root of all this trouble, obeys. Looking somewhat uncertain under the scrutiny of the harsh lights, and shuts the blinds. Unlike Woods, he takes a seat at the chair Adler sets up before the desk.

"What is it?" Mason asks, after a long, almost unending silence. His curiosity seeps through the room.

There is very little control when the first domino falls. Oftentimes, once it starts, it’s like crossing the Rubico n and the next thing you know, you are lying flat on the ground in some theater, 23 fresh stab wounds decorating your body and the beat of your pulse seems dim and distant, everything feels cold except your blood; warm, bright and thick like gasoline, crawling into every space until it goes into your throat and strangles you, kills you. Fini, kaput.

But then again, he's not Caesar and this isn't Rome.

Adler pushes the first tile.

"How long has this been going on?" he asks without fanfare, tight and composed as ever. Never mind the way his eyes ignite like cold blue fire behind his glasses.

"How long has what been going on?"

“You and Bell." And Mason blinks at him in surprise. Bingo. "I saw the two of you leaving for her hotel from a cafe in Downtown Berlin last night. So don't bother skirting your way around this.” Adler leans forward across his desk. He’s a man on a mission- there’s no stopping him now.

“Now, let me rephrase the question, how long have you been fucking her?"

"Hold on, hold on, you were stalking us?" Mason asks, waspish.

Adler winces inwardly. "I was keeping an eye out for my asset.”

“Asset?” Mason hisses, like Adler just blasphemed. “Jesus Christ, Russ, is that all she ever is to you? An asset? She’s your protégé, for god’s sake- a person! What is wrong with you?"

"Plenty. Or apparently, so I've been told.”

"I don't find you amusing.”

“I'm hardly ever,” Adler parries. Mason remains silent, yet the tilt of his lips translate exactly what words can't. "And you haven't answered my question."

“Bullshit. I don’t owe you anything."

"Listen, Al-"

"No, you listen to me. You may be calling the shots around here, but this has absolutely nothing to do with you. Whatever- or whoever - we're doing in our spare time is none of your business, do you understand? So you can just drop it," Mason seethes, bitter, and, much to Adler’s surprise, rises to leave. “We’re done here.”

"That's where you're wrong."

Mason has only managed to put a few paces between them before he turns around, once again stepping inside this metaphorical boxing ring.

"What?"

"This has everything to do with me," Adler says coolly. "You said it yourself, I'm the one who calls the shots here. Meaning, anything that could potentially fuck up my operation is my concern and I have the right to intervene should it needed. This, being a case in point."

Mason looks at him like he’s grown a second head. “What the hell does fucking her have to do with this whole operation?”

“Everything.” He says it like quiet resignation. It’s time to acknowledge the truth, he thinks, to that unusual idea that has been swirling in the deep recesses of his mind, that everyone’s weakness is varied.

Achilles had his heel, and Adler has her.

“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to, Al. You don't even know her."

Mason gives him a level stare. "And you do?"

Adler is so hard-pressed to say 'I made her' but even he wouldn't stoop that low.

"That is beside the point,” Adler tells him instead as he turns to his vice- one of them, at least- and lights it.

“There is literally no point to this conversation.”

“The point is, stay the hell away from Bell. I'm saying this for your own good."

"My own good or yours?"

Adler does not flinch, but his hand does ball into a fist under the table, how the fingers curl and then flex.

"Don't be ridiculous. I gain nothing from this except assurance." It's a lie, it's the truth. There's no in between. He doesn’t know which is which anymore. "You, on the other hand, I'm sure the old ball and chain wouldn't be near as thrilled about hearing this if word ever gets out."

Mason is quiet for a beat.

"Is that a threat?"

"Only once I pulled the pin," Adler replies, a dangerous undercurrent in his voice.

But the thing with Mason, he'll come to realize later, is how much, like with Bell, weaving through his mind is like trying to grasp for purchase in the dark as he, once again, does the unpredicted and smile- a venomous grin warps his face, like he’s mocking him, challenging him to move his piece on the board and make this mistake.

Adler stares back, surprised despite himself.

He shocks him further by saying, "Go ahead, then. Pull the pin, throw the grenade, tell her. See if she cares."

Adler’s eyes narrow at his askance. He then drags his attention to Mason’s left hand, and something grave and familiar rises in his chest.

The absence of the metal band around his ring finger tells him why.

“You know where to reach her. If anything, I’m sure she’d trust your words better than anyone else’s. So please, do it.” And Mason’s so goddamn sanctimonious about it. He’s clearly expecting this particular reaction out of Adler. It only leaves Adler angrier.

Another long pause stretches, heavy and unkind.

"Fine. Maybe she won't mind, but I'm sure the Agency wouldn’t be as tolerant.” Adler takes one last drag of his cigarette. He has that ‘Having nothing, nothing can he lose’ look on his face that makes Mason frowns. “Not when you’ve been fraternizing with the enemy.”

"What?”

"Bell. She’s not who you think she is, Al. Tell me, who do you think is the sorry bastard we saved in Trabzon?”

Mason blinks. His face is blank with shock, then he shakes his head. And he keeps shaking it, almost manic. If he laughs, which one would come first, he wonders, the gun or his fist pummeling the side of his face?

“You’re lying.”

“And why would I lie to you about this?”

"No, no, no, Woods- he told me the guy’s dead,” Mason says, his words are shaky.

“He’s not. And he wasn’t a he."

A crease forms between Mason's eyebrows, the starting of another frown.

“Hold on, if she’s helping us get Perseus then why is she the enemy?”

"Because she doesn't know that."

"Doesn't know what?"

"That she's the enemy."

Mason holds his gaze for a moment, his expression tense, like a slingshot.

And that cold elastic band finally snaps.

“What did you do to her?” He’s openly glaring at him now, mouth tight, an icy fury that is no longer dormant and for the first time since Adler has known him, he finds the man dangerous.

Adler takes a steadying breath. “We did what had to be done.”

"You sick son of a bitch. You brainwa- You-” Mason clamps his mouth shut, trembling hands finding his head. “Shit. How could you?"

Adler ignores his colorful outburst.

“She resisted every form of interrogations we threw at her, Al. We had no choice but to implement MK-Ultra as a last resort. We needed what’s in her head.” Mason is silent in reply. Adler continues, “Look, it’s nasty business, I know, but some of us have to cross a line just to make sure that line's still there in the morning. And as much as I hate agreeing with Hudson, he’s right. We need to preserve our way of life.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to play God,” his voice is resentful and crisp. “Do you have any idea what you are doing? You could jeopardize everything, and for what? You’ve seen what this- this experiment did to me, this won’t end the way you think!”

“Lightning never strikes the same place twice.”

"You’re really willing to gamble on that?”

Adler scowls. “I don’t gamble, Mason. I calculate. And if by some chance I was given a second chance, I’d do it all over again. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Mason doesn’t say anything at first, his loaded gun stare never falters. Then, “The flag may be different, but the methods are the same.”

"What was that?”

“Someone warned me, a long time ago, about how people like you will use people like me or Bell as pawns in your own game. You’d do whatever it takes to get what you want- and my, how you get results, don’t you? But you’re actually no different than the rest of the assholes you're fighting against,” Mason tells him, like he’s spitting out acid in Adler’s face.

“Bell may be the enemy- heck, she could be the architect behind all the chaos Perseus has done, but what you’re doing to her is vile and unethical. There are many ways to make her spill the beans, yet you chose the most immoral method there is out there. I sincerely hope you rot in hell for this."

Before Adler could formulate a response to his tirade, Mason stands to his feet.

“You want me to stay away from her? Fine. Consider this as my formal resignation. After Yamatau, I’m done. I’m out of the team. And if you know what’s good for you, you stay the fuck away from me because I don't ever want to see your face again, do you hear me?” he snarls. “If you think Woods is dangerous, Adler, just remember I nearly could have killed my own president."

Then Mason turns on his heel and walks out of the room, once and for all. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The fist is very much expected, and so does the pain that follows.

"You're out of your fucking depth, shithead," Woods spits, venom lacing his words.

Adler doesn't even bother to retaliate.

He doesn’t see the point. He didn’t think it would get this far. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The garage grows quiet and stodgy with now Mason and Woods are out of the picture. Everyone settles back into their own normal rhythm, the same routine before both men set their feet here almost a week ago.

Hudson doesn’t take the news of their departure kindly, naturally. He stands in Adler’s office, pacing, fuming. Adler ignores him, trying to nurse the skull-splitting migraine he's having at his desk instead. The nasty black eye hidden underneath his glasses. A secret locked, the key thrown away.

His headache, thankfully, has subsided when Sims takes a seat on the other side of the desk, hours later after Hudson left.

"I'm not trying to cause an alarm here, but you'd better watch your back."

Adler's brows furrow but doesn’t look up from the papers before him. "And why's that?"

"'Cause I think you just pissed off the wrong beast," Sims tells him. Adler pauses, then lifts his head to look at his cohort. There's genuine worry flashing over his face.

“Are you talking about Bell?”

“Who else?”

If she's a beast, then what am I? What he wants to ask, but there's a knock at the door and he swallows the words down his throat.

"Come in," Adler says, pretending to be reading again.

The door opens and Bell, fucking Bell, enters his office. It's like watching a tiger pass by your hiding spot in near dark. Neither he nor Sims breathes a word.

Bell's gaze immediately swings to him, like a cosmic pull. She's watching him as she wanders over to the desk and the weight of her stare burns him like Greek fire.

He pushes the documents close, all the while returning her stare. He is never the one who backs out of a challenge, and at this point, he knows that she probably knows that. Maybe that’s why she initiated it in the first place.

"Bell, what is it?" Adler asks firmly, in possession of his full power in this place.

Bell produces three diskettes from her pocket. Something odd definitely shining in her eyes.

"These have been lying on Lazar's desk for hours, but he's busy, so I thought I'd deliver them to you myself," Bell says. And he's trying to work out on her angle but she is unreadable. As always.

Adler nods, frustrated and indignant. "You can leave them here. Thank you."

It is only once the woman leaves that the two agents share a dark, significant look. That was too close.

And it goes without saying, something needs to be done about this. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

March 7th. A's insistence on raising the dosage is illogical. Recent behavioural analysis indicates depression. Will monitor for the next few days. Considering lowering the dosage instead. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The elevator reeks of smoke, cheap Soviet air freshener and something far more poisonous than the devil’s spider, silky hands.

It embodies the woman standing next to him right now- this special animal, emotionless, a constant mystery wrapped with a warning sign.

Adler is tempted to shut his eyes.

Or get out of here. He doesn’t dwell well in this atmosphere, this limited space shared with her alone. He probably should have listened to Hudson about taking Bell for this mission, but she’s the only one he trusts who won’t fuck this up. Not to mention her spotless Russian has proven to help them blend in with the crowd seamlessly.

He needs her, whether he would admit it aloud or not.

But she puts his head in such a spin.

She’s been near-mute since they departed from Germany. She barely acknowledges his questions and orders, barely looks at him. She’s been treating him as if he’s another shadow on the wall.

He rubs the side of his jaw. Something does need to be done about this.

“Are you going to stay quiet forever?” Adler asks. He’s bad at this, but he can’t stand her silence for much longer. Not to mention, they’re at the Lubysnka- the fucking lion's den. If she wants to wallow over Mason’s absence or sinks into whatever melancholic feeling she’s in, she can do it later.

Bell hums, her mouth curls up like serpentine. Adler sketches a confused frown.  And she says, “I don’t know. Should I?”

And then, sudden and swift, Bell undoes the cuffs of her uniform. Beady eyes never leave his.

The sight catches him off guard. Somewhere in his mind, he curses something like ‘you’re a beast’ and ‘what the hell are you?’ at her, all in negative connotations. The effects she inflicts on him is maddening.

“What are you doing?” Adler doesn’t bother to hide his surprise.

Bell shrugs and gestures to the duffle bag at their feet. “Gearing up.”

Oh. Embarrassment wells up in him. Fucking hell, this woman will be the death of him.

Her fingers quickly move on to the buttons, still indifferent, nearly tearing them from the seams. The first glimpse of her skin and Adler can’t help but give in, openly stares at her in a way he has never imagined before. Her clavicles like daggers glinting in the lamplight.

Curiosity is a dangerous and heavy load.

He should have closed his eyes.

“Enjoying the show?” Her voice pulls him back from his musings. Her eyes still zero in on him, cutting him to pieces.

Her cleavage comes into view.

The lines on Adler’s face grow taut.

“What do you want, Bell?” He asks, intending for a bark but it ends somewhere like a plea.

“I want many things. As of right now, I want Alex’s cock inside me.” And Adler nearly chokes on his own breath. Bell, eagle-eyed as ever, caught the movement. “But it seems someone insists on being in control of everything, isn’t he?” she snaps.

Adler’s back goes rigid. Trepidation bubbles up in his chest.

Of course, she knows.

“It's not about control.” Adler turns around. He doesn’t quite know what he’s avoiding at this point, her flesh or the truth. “It’s about what’s right.”

He hears her uniform touches her floor as she laughs, mirthless, like broken chandeliers. “I didn’t know whose cock I’m riding is any concern of yours.”

“It is when he’s a member of the team,” he seethes. “What you’re doing with Alex will only lead to complications. And I can’t have tha-”

“Because this is all about you, isn’t it? It’s about upholding your precious reputation in the Agency, controlling the narrative the way you want it no matter how many characters you kill off in the process. It’s always about what you want.” Bell interrupts, not missing a beat. “You selfish motherfucker.”

"This has nothing to do with my reputation in the CIA."

She scoffs. "Spare me the crap, Adler."

Adler turns to fully face her again and holds his arms open, the way someone is facing the firing squad. “Fine. Fine, yes, I’m a selfish motherfucker. I did it because I thought it could ruin the operation. Is that what you wanted to hear? Now, what are you going to do about it?”

She says nothing at first. He silently catalogues her movements as she steps towards him now, half-naked and furious. He feels pinned.

Then, “What do you want me to do about it?”

His mouth dries at the implication. She is temptation, benediction, the coarse ice block before the carver.

How terrible it is to lose control, even just once.

A knowing, vicious smirk flashes over her face. Adler feels like he’s just shown his hand.

“You are one selfish bastard and a coward to boot, aren’t you?” Bell sneers before he has a chance to respond. “At least, Alex was brave enough to make the first move, but you…” her gaze raking up and down his figure coldly, a jeweller presented with second-grade imitations. Wind her up and this honey bee stings.

“You’ll always be the man who hides behind his shades,” she says, dry as dust, and steps back and snatches her clothes from the bag.

This is, without a single doubt, the longest elevator ride he’s ever experienced in his life. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Adler arrived back in Berlin breathing a little harder. Worry wrapped around his neck like a noose, placed by Bell herself; the judge, jury and executioner.

The knot tightens every time his mind refers to her.

The agency trained him, specifically, to keep calm under pressure. He didn’t coin the title “America’s Monster” from his colleagues for nothing. They don’t fear him because he’s hot-headed or thinks in large-scale violence— guns blazing, napalm-induced flames over the hill in the morning, bloodied knuckles and fractured jaw, blood-soaked soles tarnishing the white marble floor. Someone can point a fucking shotgun to his face and he’ll barely flinch. Only monsters remain impassive to direct threats of violence.

But there’s something about Bell that elicits this visceral, primal reaction out of him. Something strange and new; lightning about to be uncapped from its chains.

It chokes him, frightens him to the core.

How gauche is it, don’t you think, that his own mind is conspiring against him?

Now, in the garage, where it dawns on Adler that she’s probably the only person who can make him walk around the city, feeling like a fool, he decides he’s had enough. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I’ll drive you back.”

Adler apprehends Bell outside the garage. He kind of assumed she’d have a pistol aimed at his head right now, but she spins around, hands shoved deep inside her pockets and clayey mouth curls in distaste.

“Get in the car, Bell,” Adler says tightly, almost adding please.

But he would not beg.

The brunette remains rooted in her place. For a moment, a calculating look crossed her face. Always, always that sharp mind of hers turning and he wonders where it would take her this time.

“Try asking nicely,” she demands.

Adler’s eyes flash. She really is testing him. But fine, he'll play her game.

“Bell, would you kindly get in the car?” He is all but snarls, teeth gritting. Bell hardly wavers- he wishes she would waver for a change.

She does what he asked of her, finally, the shadow of a smirk on her face mocking him. Adler follows suit, teeth still clenched together, and starts the car and drives away.

It's sort of like a deja-vu, he supposes; him and her in this very same car, except that stupid krautrock music is absent this time. Neither says anything for the first twenty minutes. Everything feels heavily still.

Until he realizes she’s probably waiting for his move.

This might gloriously blow up in his face, yes, he knows this. Especially remembering the last time he was alone in a tight space with her, it had cost him his pride.

And his mind.

But he’s been here before, in the eye of the storm. He was at his calmest here. He has his cards prepared now.

Adler inhales deeply.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he utters resolutely. He doesn’t look at her, doesn’t want to. “I was out of line, I admit it. Your affair with Mason should be no concern of mine but I really am just trying to look out for you.”

It’s weak, he knows. The words feel more like an anchor than an actual apology in his tongue anyway, but Adler didn’t expect that Bell would give him nothing. Not even an acknowledging hum, a scathing retort, a scoff. Nothing.

A twinge of irritation brews in his stomach. Why does she insist on playing games?

The car comes to a stop. They’ve arrived. Adler wrests his hands from the steering wheel to say something harsh to her, but Bell is already stepping out of the car.

She stands on the sidewalk; an enigma in royal red, and her lethal, all-seeing eyes gravitate to him in the night.

There is a long paralyzing beat where they just stare at each other- which seems to be a running theme between them lately. Adler is fuming, as he is confused.

It feels like hours, centuries, eons, but, like all magic, the spell is broken. Courtesy of a stranger hailing a cab behind his car.

Bell turns and walks inside the building. She doesn’t bother sparing him the final glance or extend her appreciation for the ride back and Adler thinks to himself, this universe, god fucking damnit, nothing makes sense here.

But it is also in moments like this that the world spins, when he notices a singular, significant detail that makes his stomach roll, nearly throwing him off balance:

Bell left the passenger door open.

And he’s insane- he has to be, right? He’s looking too much into this. It doesn’t mean anything. His mind conjures an image, like a graphic guideline or something, step one: get out of the car, two: make your way around and close the passenger door, and third: zoom out of the neighborhood while your sanity is still intact, all in that order. Easy to comprehend, to follow.

Adler only does the first two steps. He’s ass-backwards doesn’t even bother to digest the third step.

He enters the hotel instead and takes in the surroundings. The lobby is pointedly bare, but warm and smoky. The concierge is reading behind the counter- a young, wiry boy with shocking bleached hair- with headphones on. It’s late, he probably doesn’t expect anyone to check in at this hour.

A movement by the staircase catches his interest. He sees Bell climbing up the steps slowly, leisurely. Adler makes his way there.

Halfway reaching her floor, Adler has the inkling that she knows that he’s following her. Also, because the next she does is glancing back at him over her shoulder. He waits for her to push him down the stairs or wrap those delicate hands around his neck. She does neither. She doesn’t want him gone.

Yet, his mind betrays him. Only because she doesn’t know what other atrocities he’s committed to her.

She stops by her door, opens it and goes in first. Adler, without waiting for a formal fucking invitation, slips in behind her.

Her room is much smaller than his. The TV is still on- a German dubbed of All the President’s Men is playing- a stack of books and meds lying haphazardly on the desk table.

The door clicks shut behind him. Bell wanders over to the table and turns off the TV. Her back to him.

She doesn’t bother turning the light switch on. The green neon of the hotel sign outside illuminates the room, bathes her in it, making her look even stranger and faraway.

He doesn’t take off his sunglasses.

“What do you want, Bell?” Adler is all but snarling. His anger comes in a bottle with a twist-off cap. “I’m fucking sick of playing your games. I apologized, I admitted I was wrong- I fucked up, but what more could you want?”

Jesus, and now he’s losing his temper over a brainwashed Russian who rarely talks. How did it come to this?

She tugs off her gloves. Once again, barely acknowledging him. Apparently, if ignoring him is an art form, she is the fucking Monet.

Until:

“Take them off.”

Adler blinks hard behind his glasses. Like he’s just stepped into a whole different earth.

His mouth moves.

“What?”

“Your sunglasses. Take them off.”

He stares at her back. Trying really, really hard to make sure he’s not hallucinating this, but then Bell turns around, a finger tapping against her arm, waiting.

Realization hits him like an uppercut in the face and nearly leaves him in a daze. He’s walked into a trap. That much is clear as day. She wants him to suffer as she does. An eye for an eye.

Adler holds no modicum of control in her domain, not unless she gives the reins. Once again, she plays the judge, jury and executioner at her own court.

But, like before, he’ll play her game.

There, the glasses are off. His eyes, bare, blue like fractured ice, meeting hers. In the dark, he feels her eyes shift to assess his bruise.  

His heart booms against his ribs.

"Kneel,” she says glibly.

He obeys, again. His legs and hands don’t shake, but his mind is much less governable than his limbs. No, the CIA didn’t prepare a manual for situations like this and he doesn’t trust his instincts to help him dance his way around this.

Nor does he want to.

The thought fucks him up to a degree.

Adler should have known that it wouldn’t take an entire nation or continent to bring him to his knees, no, no. That would have been too easy, anyway. Although history has dictated and taught him that women are never to be underestimated, Adler hasn’t expected that one woman would be able to do the deed and succeed.

But then again, when that woman is Bell, he supposes anything is possible.

When Bell approaches him, he’s unable to take his gaze from her. Her eyes spangle with determination, an avenging soul in the neon lights. Her fingers work on the sash of her coat. The line of her mouth is flat and inscrutable. The air crackles with electricity and a promise of the unsayable, the unattainable.

She stands over him now, gloveless and coatless. She’s powerful like this and he can only crane his head up at her, ceding his fate in her hands, against his better judgement. She catches that.

Suddenly, something unpleasant breaks on her face, like when one’s smelling something foul or pungent.

Bell reaches down and grips his jaw painfully in one hand, her nails digging into his skin, and tilts his head sideways. Strange that his stomach leaps at that.

“Say you’re sorry,” she spits furiously. “And say it like you fucking mean it.”

He feels, suddenly, triumphant and chuckles darkly. Eight fucking long weeks and the beast finally shows her claws.

“Try asking nicely,” Adler parrots her words from before, not a beat missed. Two can play that game, he thinks. "Or are you above niceness, Bell?”

Her grip tightens.

"You’re one to talk,” Bell says. Then, rubs the pad of her thumb over his scarred cheek and it feels like forgiveness, or the beginning of it, at least.

His confusion spikes.

Her nose skims down his jawline.

A better, sensible man would apologize. He'd squander it until his tongue burns acid, he'd beg for her forgiveness like a man asking for repentance before his god.

“Why did you do it, Russell?” Bell whispers against his skin now, baleful and raspy. Her chest rising and falling too rapidly.

But he’s a sick bastard, a selfish motherfucker, a heartless monster. All he does is hurt the people around him. He doesn’t get to take from her, not after what he's done.

Still, Adler catches her wrist. Relishing the way her wrist bone grinds under his hold. He pulls his face back to look at her.

“You know why.”  

Her eyes flick dangerously to his lips.

Desperation really can make the most vulgar things tolerable.

“Then prove it.”

So he does. As his hand reaches up to her neck, past the delicious column of her throat and with a precise swift, Adler grabs a fistful of her hair, the feminine gasp escaping her mouth is like a jolt to his groin, and kisses her.

Bell responds in kind. That little beast. She grasps his collar and drags him up to his feet, impatient with want. She laps at him, bites and sucks. His free hand snakes around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer.

She pulls away, catching her breath, and his teeth skim down her jaw, her neck. He bites her there in retaliation, on the delicious junction of her neck and shoulder, into the fabric of her shirt, making his intentions clear. Bell chokes in surprise and scrapes her nails over his scalp.

It hurts. But with pain, along comes pleasure and it’s good. It’s so good, Adler melts with a shaky breath.

His gloves come off first. Next, she pulls him free off his jacket, his sweater and snakes a hand between his legs, stroking him. He bites off a strangled ‘fuck’ into her throat. He’s worked up real fast already. Adler manages to make a short work of her shirt, unclasping her bra before he’s all but pushes her onto the bed.

Adler settles above her, capturing her lips in another feverish, hot-blooded kiss. He tugs her zipper down and slips his hand inside her pants. Her cunt’s everything he’s come to expect: wet, warm and oh-so wrong. She sucks in a breath. Her hips move against his hand. His blood sings. She throws her head back against the pillow, while his finds her earlobe.

“Has this proven my point, Bell?” he asks. His answer starts on a moan and ends with a breathless ‘yes’.

He doesn’t let her come that easily. No, he wants to drag this out for as long as he can until it drives her mad. So, Adler peels the rest of her clothes away, pulls her shoulder and turns her onto her stomach. He pins her down, hard. She gasps loudly against the white pillowcase, her hand fists into the sheets.

Adler slots himself behind her. His hand tracing along her spine, followed by his mouth, just how he fantasized once upon a time. His other hand quickly undoes the snap of his pants. Everything has been poisoned by her and her only; she is in his tongue, his veins, his mind, his lungs. She takes the centrefold of his mind and it's ridiculous.

He presses himself against her ass. His mouth falls open. Her body trembles. She’s all sin and racing hearts and sweaty flesh. She’s perfect. His now free hand slides up to the nape of Bell’s neck, reaching her throat, pressing down. She makes this high-pitched, demanding noise as she moves her hips back against him, leaving him wanting, helpless at the thought of having her right here, right now, in the warm neon glow of her hotel room.

“Please,” Bell begs. He groans in response and he gives it to her. Fuck, he’d give her anything if she begs just exactly like that.

When Adler is finally inside her, he thinks his world drops dead. He sets a merciless pace. He is not a gentle man and there is nothing gentle in the supple arch of her back, a rose bent backwards in the wind, as he pants along her neck before he pulls out, twists her onto her back again and pushes deeper into her until she comes apart underneath him (he’s made sure she begs for it- please, Russell. Oh god, Russell)

(He didn’t have to. Russell Adler is never the kind of man to fall for his dark side, but Christ knows he is only one man)

[sinceileftyoublog]

Robert Finley Interview: Ready for the Race

BY JORDAN MAINZER

At the risk of sounding cliché, it’s truly been a long, often hard road for blues and soul singer Robert Finley. On his new album Sharecropper’s Son (out tomorrow on Easy Eye Sound), he delves into his past. Ever since he hooked up with Dan Auerbach on 2017′s Goin Platinum!, Finley’s 60-year backstory has been more often chronicled in the mainstream, from being born and raised in Bernice, Louisiana and enlisting in the army as a teenager to suffering from a car accident, a divorce, and eventually ending his carpentry career after being deemed legally blind. And yes, he never gave up and eventually got lucky, being discovered busking by Music Maker Relief Foundation, touring, releasing an album, and eventually establishing a long-term collaborative relationship with Auerbach. Yet, until now, Finley hasn’t written about his early childhood, being raised along with his 7 siblings on a crop share in Louisiana.

Sharecropping refers to an agricultural legal arrangement where a landowner allows a tenant to use land in exchange for the share of the crops produced. It was a popular arrangement in the South from the Reconstruction to Jim Crow years following the abolishment of slavery; in reality, it was just another way for white Americans to maintain economic hegemony over Black Americans. “You get all the work, and the money never seems to come,” Finley told me over the phone in March from his home in Louisiana. “You always break even, and unless you own the farm, you really didn’t benefit. The checks from the cotton and from the corn didn’t come in your name.” In other words, Finley said, “Sharecroppers don’t get their share.”

Sharecropping was backbreaking, “out in the hot red sun,” Finley sings on the album’s title track, “where the work is never done,” Auerbach’s blistering guitar and keyboards shimmering like rays from the sun. That said, Finley never realized how rough things truly were. “We were poor and didn’t know it,” he told me, citing the fact that because they were never hungry, he actually thought they were rich. “We had cows. We had chickens. We had hogs. We had fresh milk...It was like we were really living it up!” he said. Moreover, since many of their neighbors didn’t have direct access to fresh food, Finley’s father would share their bounty, from meat to vegetables. And, as the youngest son, he spent a lot of time helping his mom in the kitchen, citing that experience as partially inspiring his love of cooking to this day.

With Sharecropper’s Son, Finley is not trying to provide a list of lamentations. “It’s not a pity party,” he said. Even more than not going hungry, Finley cites his father’s optimism and generosity as formative. “My dad, in his religious beliefs, always hoped for better things and a brighter tomorrow...at the end of the day, after picking the cotton, or pulling the corn, we had plenty to give away. I don’t know if my dad sold some of it, but I think he did way more giving than selling.” Eventually, his father “wised up” and gave up sharecropping, and to this day, Finley’s brothers and sisters, despite only his oldest and youngest sister graduating from school, live comfortably. Notably, Finley also holds where he grew up near and dear to his heart. On “Country Child”, he juxtaposes harsh memories of cotton fields with yearning for the more comforting aspects of the South, especially country girls who “give you a country smile.” He mentioned me that the sparse population of rural Louisiana meant that he had to cross rivers just to see his neighbors, but also that folks in a many mile radius knew each other well, to the point that “you could get a couple boards and put them in front of your house, and someone would ask you what you’re doing with them.”

Above it all, Finley learned from both his father’s mindset and his own ability to overcome. “That’s why I tell my story / So you could start dreaming too,” he sings on “My Story”, while the hand percussion-laden “Starting To See” details the symbolic perspective on life he gained after losing his sight. And the album ends with spiritual gospel waltz “All My Hope”. Even better, Finley offers himself up for his listeners, on tracks like “I Can Feel Your Pain”, a church organ hymn where he empathizes with folks suffering from everything from COVID-19 to police brutality. It’s why he stays positive and keeps on keeping on. As someone who walked again after an accident despite the odds and who was “discovered’ so late in life, he doesn’t let practicality tamper his ambitions. “Like a horse in the stall,” he said, “I’m ready for the race.”

Below, read my conversation with Finely, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: What made you want to sing more autobiographically this time around?

Robert Finley: I guess it was a chance to express myself and talk about these true stories. It’s not a made-up fantasy. It’s real life. It’s a chance to tell what life was like being a sharecropper. I was talking to all my siblings--4 brothers and 3 sisters, so there were 8 of us. My youngest sister doesn’t remember that much about it, but I’m the second youngest, so I wanted to get it out while all of us siblings would be able to form their opinion on it.

SILY: Would you say that the pandemic and the reckoning around the Black Lives Matter movement and subsequent increased awareness among White Americans gives these songs extra resonance?

RF: Yeah, I feel like it really opened the world’s eyes to what’s really going on. A lot of times, things happen we just don’t want to talk about, but that don’t stop ‘em from happening. In this case, it was a blessing to be writing about the right thing at the right time. 

Even me and Dan Auerbach meeting, that was heaven intervention, too. What do a 30-something year old man and a 67-year old man have in common that can reach the people? It would have to be the music. Music is not a racial thing. Music, to us, is what comes from the heart and goes to the heart. If you need a blood donor or kidney donor, you’re not gonna ask what color the person was or what race the person was who’s giving the blood and giving the kidney. The whole purpose is for you to get the kidney and stay alive. Music is pretty much the same thing. Even if people can’t speak the language, they can feel the vibes of the music. There’s always somebody that can translate what the artist is really saying, but if the music is right, and the message in the music is right, it really doesn’t matter what color the person is or where they come from. It’s all about what comes from the heart and goes to the heart. 

That’s where my songwriting comes in. To be able to reach out and touch people, because you want to give people something they can feel, that they can relate to. Not just a cool beat, not just a pretty voice, or whatever. The song needs to have a message that people can relate to. [And] as far as whether it’s soul, blues, country-western, jazz--if you’re looking for rock and roll, you can find it on the album, if you’re looking for soul, if you’re looking for country and western. It’s got a little of everything. That was the goal, and hopefully it’s being accomplished.

SILY: It seems like everybody who works with Dan has a musical connection and shared love of the same thing, even if not a widely known song or album. Do you feel that connection?

RF: Yeah. You gotta have something positive going even for Dan to reach out to you. Dan is looking for originality. People who want to stand out, not someone who’s trying to fit in. He looks for raw talent and gives them [opportunity] to express themselves. He’s open-minded and open to suggestions. He wants to know Robert Finely and produce Robert Finely and not to make me into something I’m not. 

SILY: On “Country Child”, you talk about driving by a cotton field as an older man and still feeling your back hurting. But on the same song, you talk about preferring a country girl to raise a country child. Was it important for you to talk about that complex relationship with where you came from?

RF: Yeah. Don’t get me wrong--I don’t have a thing against city ladies--nobody in the city smiles because it makes them look tough and look hard. In the country, they wave at everybody whether they know ‘em or not. It doesn’t matter because everybody’s just saying hi! In the city, people live across the hall or across the street and don’t know their neighbors. It’s a whole different lifestyle. They don’t let their guard down. I was trying to keep it as real as possible.

The country girls, they just wave and smile, and if you say something they don’t agree with, they move on. But they’ll talk for a while, and they give you the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes, if you’re too friendly, you can become a victim. If you go in the city smiling at everybody, they automatically know you’re not from the city. It’s not what they do. Unless you’re properly introduced, the person across the hall won’t talk to you or know you. It’s all about the approach. But I have learned that a smile is universal. It doesn’t matter what country you’re in. If you smile, people will smile back. If you’re open-minded and open-hearted, there’s always somebody. People will be glad to see somebody who looks at them and smiles. It breaks barriers and opens doors, even for people trying to look hard and tough.

SILY: On a couple songs on here, you improvised the lyrics, calling it “speaking from the heart.” Do you find that the way to go when the subject matter of the song is more difficult to talk about?

RF: Yeah, I mean if you stay real with everybody, it’s not a problem. You’ve gotta be open-minded and open-hearted. Put yourself in anybody’s situation. If you do that, you can see it from their point of view. With all the stuff that’s negative in the world today, it’s good to be positive every chance you get. It needs to be something people can relate to in the real world, or that people can say, “I’ve been through that or I’ve done that.” It’s not something that’s been made up like a fairytale. It has to have meaning where people can say, “Yep, I remember those days.” 

I have 7 siblings. They all have to tell the story from their point of view. I try to leave the door open [in case] they want to tell what they remember, because they might remember something I don’t or had to experience something I didn’t. So when I was writing [the title track], I talked to them about it. In reality, I wanted it to be a true song that dealt with real life. Not made up. It needed to be something real they could identify with and their friends identify with where people could say, “I remember those days.” I also definitely didn’t want to make it seem harder than it already was. I only went back to the cotton field and put on the overalls for the video because nobody was wearing shiny shoes in the cotton field. They might have had a pair they put on on the weekend, but they definitely didn’t wear them in the field. The video could have been done anywhere, but to keep it real, I thought we needed to take it back to the country.

SILY: What did it mean for you to play with so many of the same session players as on Goin’ Platinum?

RF: It was like a family reunion. We toured together in the East Coast and West Coast. It was really an honor because everybody knew everybody. Everybody was excited to get back together because of the success of the first album. We built more or less what you could call a family relationship. Everybody knows everybody, and getting back in the studio, we got straight to work, what everybody came for. I don’t know how much time Dan spent with the musicians before I got there. When I got there, it was to lay the vocals down.

What I really noticed is that all the musicians played what they feel. They listened to the groove. And all the local musicians were in a 50-mile radius of each other. I could have them all together within a couple hours.

I was probably the youngest person in the band, besides Dan--I’m almost twice his age. When you’re with the band, it breaks out the best in you. Learning from their experience, everything they’ve done and who they’ve done it with, it makes you feel privileged to be in the company of them. They’re not on big ego trips and nobody has a big agenda. I’m easy. I don’t put no pressure on nobody--I just want the best out of everybody.

I love working with the Easy Eye Sound label because to me, I walk in, meet and greet, we break bread together, and we go to work. The work is hard, but I don’t know if you’d even call it work.

SILY: What’s the story behind the album art?

RF: The label mostly [does it] and asks me for approval. There’s not much I’d object to anyway. It’s a picture of me. I seldom walk outside even to go to the mailbox without my hat on. That’s one of my trademarks. I always wear hats or caps. I love the artwork. To be honest, I haven’t met the individual that did the artwork on it, but it very much had my approval when I saw it. Meeting everybody, sometimes it’s way down the line where I can actually meet them face to face.