#blurd

[sinning-23]

Swallow

Ok so i may or may not have become slightly hyper-fixated and obsessed over this fucking clow um its okay tho take this as a peace offering for falling off track with kinktober

Quick blurb w Buggy and a Sword Swallower Reader that kinda awakens something in him-

_________________________________________________________

It made him sick. Well, that wasn't true, it made him hot but that's beside the point. He had forgotten how you even managed to sneak your way onto his crew anyway. Right now he could hardly focus on anything other than the way you just slid that sword down your throat with such ease it made his fucking knees wobble. Why the hell did you insist on doing that stupid act anyway? Who even approved- He did but again, that's beside the point.

He had watched you hours earlier, sizing each weapon up, measuring it a bit from the top of your throat to down your torso. Curious, he just had to ask what you were planning.

"Oh, sword swallowing!"

You said it so much excitement yet, nonchalantly. Now he'd seen some shit in his life but...a sword swallower? Ironic isn't it? He left you to your antics observing each side going from small, medium, to large. It didn't take much for his mind to wonder what else you could fit down your-

He's locked on your stance now, bent now at a 90-degree angle, showing off the hilt of the sword as your lips glistened in the spotlight. And just like that you were upright, sliding the metal out and bowing, that pretty smile plaster over your damn gorgeous face. You wave to your audience and exit, doing a bit of a 'jazz hands', 'ta-da!' motion as if to say "Can't believe that went so well!"

"Pretty cool, right Captain?" You sigh, briefly licking your lips. Oh, he's fuckin smitten with you.

He only widens his eyes and give a brief "Mhm", more happy you skipped off when you did.

God forbid you see the noticeable tent that he was struggling to hide.

[listard]

Hii!

Today I would like to introduce you to Blurd!

Blurd works as a security guard on Polus, his job is to protect other crewmates from imposters, subdue rampages, settle disputes and keep an eye on the cameras. He doesn't like to reveal his color to anyone, so he can only be seen at his workplace fully clothed without being able to see his color, no one knows what this is due to but everyone thinks it's because of a long ago disaster.

Blurd has a weapon to fight imposters...

An iron police baton!

It has saved his life and the lives of others many times (because if he hits someone hard with it, it can knock them out).

[flock-talk]

When your husband isn’t done spawning in yet

[sweet-lover-girl]

think about how abby would gently hold your tits 'cause they hurting so bad during periods nd she knows how good it feels so she touch in a very sweet and loving way :(

Ooooo yeees, you and Abby just being cute girlfriends as she helps with the pain using her big warm hands.

Not proofread but as always I hope you like it never the less!

You were laying in bed curled around Abby’s pillow, despite your sore breasts, missing your girlfriend—who had to go on an early morning patrol. You were huffy and sad that you can’t cuddle with Abby and started to get teary eyed, which in turn made you mad because you were so emotional. Fuck you hated periods.

You felt your eyes swell with tears and nuzzle your face against her pillow, you were on your period so you were more emotional, easily feeling lonely and sad. You sniff and hug the pillow closer to you, making you wince from your sore tits.

You sigh and let go of the pillow, even if you didn’t want to, but for the sake of not being in as much pain you would. Rolling onto your back—before quickly realizing that was a bad idea as it made you breasts tilt to either sides of you chest and that hurt, a lot. So with a wince you roll back over onto your side you decided to try and get some sleep, maybe that would help with how you were feeling. Probably not though.

…

It was twelve in the afternoon when Abby got back, she knew you would most likely be asleep because of your monthly bleed, so she was quite as she came in the door, dropping her backpack softly once inside and locked the door, she sighed finally relaxing her shoulders after such a long cold morning. She looked over to the bed and saw you curled up on your side, well she couldn’t actually see you— but she saw a bed full of blankets and a small lump under them, which she knew was you. Chuckling softly, Abby took off her boots so she wouldn’t make a lot of sound and walked over to the bed quietly.

Standing next to your side of the head she could see the top of your head poking out from under the covers. Abby smiled and leaned down gently kissing the lump of blankets, before standing up and taking off her jacket along with her sweater, revealing her black sports bra, then unbuttoned her brown cargo pants showing off her tight black boxers, and then finally taking her socks off.

She walked to her side of the bed and gently slid under the covers, she was so fucking cold and she wanted to cuddle with her lover. Scooting over to lay up against you with her body curled around you she wrapped her arm over your chest, which woke you up, because pain.

You woke up with a soft gasp and flinched making Abby quickly move to sit up and calm you thinking had a bad dream.”It’s okay Pumpkin! It’s just me, it’s just me.” She cupped her hand around your cheek as you slowly gained consciousness.

Abby frowned at the funny look you gave her,”Baby?”

You shook you head with a soft giggle,”No my love it wasn’t a bad dream. You just hurt my breasts is all?”

“Fuck I’m so sorry baby, I don’t know why I thought your chest wouldn’t hurt..” and just like that Abby Anderson was blaming herself for something else. You sigh and say,”You did nothing wrong baby, but if you feel like you have to make it up..”

She looked up at you from under her thick blonde lashes with a questioning look.

You cupped her cheek in your hand and made her look at you face on, you grinned as you spoke,”You could always use those big warm hands to help make them feel better.”

Abby blinked at you before shaking her head with a chuckle,”C’mon then, sit right here sweet girl.” Spreading her legs open and patting at the spot for you to sit in between her legs as she leaned on a pillow that was against the headboard. Your grin widens as you scramble over to her, she chuckled at you and once you settled your back against her chest she pulled your shirt up and off of you and then pulled the blankets back over the both of you, keeping you warm.

You sigh as you settle against her, feeling her warmth wash over you making you completely relax. Abby brought her hands up you sides, dragging her blunt nails across the soft skin making you twitch with a quick inhale. She cupped the underside of your breasts— almost weighing them in her hands before running those calloused hands up your tits and gave them a soft squeeze. You let out a sigh as you lean your head back against her shoulder, making her chuckle softly, her warm breath wisping past your ear giving you goosebumps.

“You can squeeze harder baby,” you say kissing her neck, but leaving you lips there against the skin. She hums and the sound of it vibrates on your lips gently. She gave a slightly hard squeeze and you let out a groan,”Yeah?” She said with a smile.

“Yeah, feels good.” You hum with contentment.

She does this for a few minutes, squeeze and gripping at you breasts, every once and a while grazing your nipples before speaking softly against your hair.

“We should do this more often,”

You giggle,”Yeah? Why’s that love?”

“Their like stress balls, soft and nice to squeeze.”

You let out a loud sharp laugh and gently shove back against Abby’s chest, she stopped massaging your chest to wrap her arms around you and squeeze you instead— holding you tightly against her as she placed kiss after kiss on your cheek with a big goofy smile as you giggle, acting like you are trying to push her away.

“Better?” She whispers against your ear.

You hum and kiss her arm as a thank you,”But if you’re still stressed then please by all means, help yourself.” You said cheekily.

“I just might.”

[httpsdana]

Since it's the father's day tommorow(at least for me), can you do something with Julián Álvarez? Having a secret child with him and letting everyone know during the ucl final would be super cute.

I totally didn't have a dream about this and now needed it to be written lol.

Champion~Julian Alvarez

*GIF isn't mine. credits to the owner*

FIRST REQUEST FOR JULIAN OMG. I LOVE THIS BOY SM. anyways I don't think tomorrow is father's day here but we move on I'm writing this. this is rushed I'm sorry but hope you enjoy <33

you can request from my prompt list

this is my master list

players/drivers I write for

y/n and Julian had a child of 6 months now. The couple were young and definitely didn't expect a baby at such a young age, but they never regreted it. Their child only made their bond stronger.

They went public years ago, before Julian had all the attention on him like now. But they never posted anything about their child, wanting their kid to have a peaceful and normal childhood before being dragged into the life of social media

"if we win tonight, everyone's knowing about our baby boy" were Julian's words before leaving for Istanbul.

y/n wanted Man City to win. She wanted to see her boyfriend winning 4 trophies this season. She didn't mind showing off her kid and she was actually quite excited

y/n watched the match from the locker room. not wanting her child to hear all the noises from the stadium. They weren't as loud in the lockers.

"yes!" y/n screamed when Rodri scored the opening goal, feeling her heart beat against her chest rapidly.

Her child, Diego, looked up at her with wide eyes, before he started giggling. y/n smiled and leaned down to were he was sat in his car seat that they got.

"they're almost there mi amor. they're almost there" she mumbled, soothing his brown hair with her fingers

He was a mini version of Julian, same smile same eyes same hair and same everything. She was glad he for these these features from his father

y/n jumped up as the final whistle was blown. Tears started streaming down her face before she grabbed her child and started kissing his face

"they did it baby. they're champions" she mumbled, showering his fave with kisses

She wiped her tears and waited a bit before she was allowed on the pitch

As soon as she stepped on the field, Julian's eyes were on them. He ran to them, giving them a huge hug.

"you did it baby. you're a champion. for the fourth time" she whispered in his ear, tightening her grip around his neck

He pulled away and kissed her lips passionately. Wiping her tears away and kissing her cheeks. He took Diego from her arms and grabbed her hand, interlocking their fingers

"lets introduce him to the team yeah?" he asked with a smile. y/n nodded and walked with him.

Everyone was surprised to see Julian with a kid, but they all welcomed him with love.

the comments consisted of "he's just like you" or "what a cutie he is" or "congratulations! he's gonna have the best parents"

"oh my god Julian you have baby?!" Ronnie, Phil's child, said in pure shock. y/n giggled at the young boy, scooping him in her arms and lifting him so he was at the same level as Diego

"yes Ronnie. this is Diego" he moved Diego closer to him, in which Ronnie leaned in and touched his hair

He gasped in surprise

"his hair is so soft. not like yours" he said, keeping his fingers in Diego's hair

y/n laughed at his comment, before kissing his cheek and putting him down

"let's take a picture with the trophy" Julian said, walking to were the trophy was

The picture was taken and posted on Instagram hours later, and the love Diego got from Julian's fans was undescribable.

[mmmmalo]

Slurquest

This is an exploratory post proposing several approaches for apprehending Homestuck (Alternia in particular) in terms of racism and homophobia. Results vary.

For various reasons, I feel the frameworks are best introduced through analogous microcosms. I have a nascent personal canon of films which are not* referenced in Homestuck, but which nonetheless function as potent paratexts for the apprehension of its narrative constructs. The foremost member is Forbidden Planet, a film involving a machine that draws the violent fantasies of a man's dreams into reality, creating monsters that enact his otherwise repressed anger. SBURB deploys a similar mechanism: the game's boot log concludes with the phrase "launching manifestation systems", and accordingly we later see that imps, ogres, and trolls are all born from psychological fissures in a given player, manifesting from the emergent anxieties of the people they target. Comparing the content of an altercation with the (apparently traumatic) event that preceded it (and therefore induced it) offers a peek into the pathologies of the triggered**/accosted characters. Eg ogres climb up the side of the house immediately after John experiences vertigo, indicating a deep-seated fear of falling.

* afaik

** No, we are not using "triggered" as a pejorative. Not yet at least. And when we do, it won't be the way you think.

Recently my canon gained another entry: John Carpenter's Halloween. It share with Homestuck a love of "misrepresentation", in both its playfully duplicitous and racially fraught senses, as well as a certain preoccupation with paranoia.

Halloween (1978) is about a masked man (Michael), recently escaped from an insane asylum, stalking and killing the suburban teens of his hometown. Michael's former psychologist (Loomis), firmly persuaded that Michael is the very embodiment of Evil, refashions himself as a hunter and lies in wait with a gun at Michael's childhood home. The home, abandoned and left to rot after a young Michael murdered his sister there on a past Hallows' Eve, has come to be regarded by locals as a "spook house"; trick-or-treaters dare eachother to brave its haunted steps. The unseen Loomis seeks to deter these tiny trespassers for their own safety. But the deterrence method Loomis chooses is strange: he puts on a Big Black Guy voice and, feigning ownership of the homestead, tells the kids to get lost. Elsewhere in the film, a bit of set dressing echoes this choice: in the midst of an otherwise pristine suburb of green grass and bleached white houses, we glimpse of a patch of black graffiti on the sidewalk that simply says EVIL. An impression begins to form that the metanarrative rationale for describing Michael as a bogeyman, for insinuating that beneath his white mask is a formless shadow, is that despite Michael's whiteness, he functions as a vehicle for racialized fantasies of invasion. The insane asylum, seen only at night, represents the chaotic city. Michael's presence brings the night to the suburbs, and with it all the urban terrors (black) from which the suburbanites (white) thought themselves insulated. Spooky!

While there might be an edifying function to this deception (I came away from the film with a deep contempt for the fear mongering psychologist, personally), I mostly tend to think of Halloween as a good, mean prank: like Caliborn disguising his king as a queen and relishing Calliope's outsized responses to its impotent threats, Carpenter crafts a black killer ensconsed in white and proceeds to giggle at the viewership's unwitting investment in a racist narrative for which Carpenter himself holds no sympathy -- or so I imagine, believing as I do that such a game would be in accord with the spirit of Halloween's mischievious namesake.

( I sometimes wonder if James Cameron was playing a similar game when he cast a white man named SCHWARZENEGGER as the face of an imminent genocidal uprising of once subservient machines. But anyway )

Betty Crocker is only the surface of Hussie's engagement with conspiracy. Homestuck, like Halloween, is built upon veiled allusions to reactionary paranoia. John's vertigo is relative; what John perceives as a "fall" can be fruitfully reframed as "the ascent of that which was once below". John takes note of an increasingly grim Rose's ascent to power and roleplays a return to gender norms ("ironically" of course), soothing the vertigo of social mobility with the image of Sleeping Beauty. Alternia, though ostensibly located in the unthinkably distant past, in turn functions as a reactionary nightmare vision of the future: it is a world dominated by BLACKS and HOMOS, and therefore post-apocalyptic. This is evinced by Homestuck's playful self-censorship: the story contains various euphemisms for n*ggers and f*ggots, through which the racism and homophobia become associated with a more familiar medium for paranoia, the casts' anxious regard toward the fourth wall. The denotation of slurs, therefore, will be our organizing principle.

Part A: Racist Slurs

Gamzee uses "ninja" as a sugar free "nigga" in the Epilogues; terms of endearment like "my ninja" and the like. As it turns out, this usage can be projected backward into the early acts: the phrase "NINJA SWORD" acts as a euphemism for "N-WORD", such that Dave hurling his blade at a crow can represent hurling slurs at a black person (It just slipped out. Dave is distraught). That a flock of crows would later, in a dream, represent for Dave the innumerable portals of the 4th wall through which he observes himself is thus consistent with the racial connotations of the term "peanut gallery"*, which was invoked in Act 1 to describe John's "allergy" (ie fear) of the judgemental gazes of others. The allergy joke is followed by an early hint of Her Imperious Condescension (a "Hi-C" commercial), a villain with black speech affectations whose title connects her to the peanut gallery's scorn, and who is eventually defeated by a NINJA SWORD**.

* The peanut gallery is also racialized via allusions to Charles Schultz's Peanuts: Snoop Dogg's visage watermarks the proceeding when John is commanded to Snoop on Rose (1693), and the resident Brown Charlies (Barkley and Duttle) are presented as a philosophical visionary and a dreaming prophet, respectively (1706, 2988).

** Technically it's Dirk's UNBREAKABLE KATANA, but the pejorative-encoding of "ninja sword" transfer to the "anime sword" preferred by Act 6.

So racial minorities are associated with the gaze of the audience, peeking in from the 4th wall -- a motif originating in Problem Sleuth, where the literal 4th wall of Problem Sleuth's office was peppered with the eyes of minorities, faces on a mural celebrating racial diversity. The veiled pejorative of NINJA SWORD channels aggression (and other emotions) towards both concepts.

Another paratext, this time embedded in Homestuck: Deep Impact, for which John has a poster, is about fears of white replacement. An early scene takes care to associate the word "waves" with both the soundwaves of black musicians (Elle Fitzegerald, Duke Ellengton [sic]) and tidal waves (yet another ELE, the "Extinction Level Event" which drives the film). The film's black president and his prodigious voice* are thus presented as existential threats on par with the imminent flooding of the Earth, recontextualizing various responses to watery doomsday as abstracted reactions to the rise of black people in America. Homestuck draws upon this association of blackness and water, beginning with the Lalonde household (where the lights are out and the air is filled with the sound of running water), continuing in Barkley's association with oceans and "dunking", and perhaps culminating in the black-affecting Condesce's flooding of the Earth. In the middle though, we have Alternia, which is a somewhat drier fantasy of a world overtaken by blackness. 3 points:

1. The highest echelons of Alternian society are black-coded, and rap is an aristocratic art form.

Gamzee and Equius makes this difficult to miss, but a subtler point is that this cultural ascendance makes blackness aspirational: Karkat, for example, seems to express racial envy (like gender envy, but for black people).

Gamzee manifests after Karkat looks over his Thresh Prince poster, implying that Gamzee's presence as a black-ish voice is an elaboration on Karkat's feelings toward Troll Will Smith. It might seem odd that despite Karkat calling Smith his hero, he expresses nothing but contempt for Gamzee's mode of speech. But admiration and hostility are reconciled by envy*. Karkat's irritation towards Gamzee's miracles (ie being dazzled by the richness of sensation) is underlaid by a sense of injustice, that Gamzee (by merit of his "blackness") has access to sensational joys that are inacessible to Karkat. Gamzee protests that explanations steal the magic from his miracles; Karkat on some level agrees, and exists in a state of feeling robbed.

* Another reconciliation, and one that we'll see a lot of, lies in the simple fact that this world of black predomination is conceived as a racist construction. Therefore, anti-black sentiment persists within it. Even so, envy is a useful paradigm.

Over the course of the story, we can see hints that Karkat wishes to reclaim that "stolen" blackness: finding identification with a "black guy" through Will Smith's sickle and Jack Noir's shared blood; Karkat assuming the mantle of his ancestor, who Suffered in chains; Karkat dressing up as Geromy for Halloween ("karkats problematic nobody tell him" says Dave); Karkat regarding* Dave's assertion that he is "so much more than Obama" as an insurmountable expression of love... but more on Karkat later.

* Dirk was narrating, but his words are bound to the thoughts characters were already going to think, much the same as Vriska's timeline interference in Act 5 asserts responsibility for things that were already going to happen.

1a. The apparent esteem for hoofbeasts is a subset of black cultural ascendence; horses are yet another veiled pejorative.

Dirk draws attention to the proximity of "nicker" to "nigger" in Detective Pony by injecting the phrase "vile slurs omitted" afterward, a gag echoed in the mosaic that fails to obscure a highly offensive horse dildo belonging to Horuss, who similarly observes that "Trigger" sounds like a wonderful name for a hoofbeast. Equius is obsessed with submission, but Zebruh is an outright slaver. We might in this vein construe John's traumatic fall from the slime pogo (the probable origin of the fear that manifested as ogres) as a racist's reframing of the end of slavery, a sense of having been unfairly bucked off one's horse. For illustrative purposes, I've taken the liberty of replacing the word "niggers" with "horses" in an old comic of Hussies:

The original joke being that the speaker's enthusiasm is tethered to a sense of domination. As a followup, here's an excerpt from page 7689, in which I've taken the liberty of replacing the word "horses" with "niggers":

(Vriska): What do you think, Meenah?

MEENAH: aboat what

(Vriska): Niggers!!!!!!!!

MEENAH: ummmm

MEENAH: they ok

MEENAH: kinda dumb and smelly

MEENAH: be makin like

MEENAH: fucked up sounds out their big ass snouts and floppy lips

Meenah here distances herself from black speech and bodies. It bears repeating that our cast subsists within a racist world; even "black" characters can express racism.

2. Miscegenation is a central paradigm of Alternian sexuality.

Anxious allusions to race-mixing have come up before: John's books make short disparaging references to "listless octoroons" (69, 629); Lil Cal manifests three panels after we see naked black & white puppets chained to each other (448); and ICP's depiction as evil (literally the result of combining Laurel and Hardy with the ecto-essence of Hitler, according to the cursed lore) is a result of their being the exemplar of whiteness "tainted" by blackness, a cultural spin on miscegenation. They are evil /because/ they are white rappers, their monochrome facepaint emphasizing the admixture.

I could go on. But the main point is,

"White" + "black" = gray, hence the trolls.

2a. "Slurry" was a hint. Troll reproduction is described by the phrase "incestuous slurry" not only because trolls impart their genetic material to their own mother, but also because "motherfucker" is used near exclusively by characters affecting blackness. The Freudian Oedipus is black, and mother he fucks is paradigmatically white: in one case, following the conclusion of WV's chess game, black's resounding victory over white is immediately provided a natal counterpart in the form of BROWN liquid erupting from the belly of a PINK can of Tab*. This association of childbirth/hatching with (racial) uprising later returns via Tavros, a brown-blood whose game of Fiduspawn (which spawns a horse, appropriately enough) prefigures his links to the Summoner's rebellion.

* As though in reaction to WV, the white-carapaced PM carries two letters bearing the postage marks of Rhodesia, the defunct colonial government of what is now Zimbabwe (896). There are two colored stamps bearing the name to her right, and a notice regarding "Southern [Rhodesia] Stamps" to her left.

2b. The example of WV and the racial polarization of mother & child inform us that miscegenation is being construed in terms of black men acting upon white women. This arrangement suggests the possibility of latent racial tensions in the mother/child dynamic of Porrim and Kankri, and we find them: within Porrim's critique of Alternian patriarchy, there are traces of antiblackness. When Porrim encourages Latula to cease performing for the public gaze and "be herself", she singles out Latula's black-flavored speech affectations for elimination, first striking at the proliferate 'yo' and Latula's use of zees for pluralz, then expressing contempt for the phrase "all up inz". Explaining Kankri's racial entanglement requires a digression.

2c. In another point of commonality, horses and black men are both sexually stereotyped by prodigious cock size -- modern miscegenation porn often advertises itself under the label BBC, "big black cock". In MSPA, the racialized gaze of the 4th wall is itself construed as a phallic intruder, a BBC. One example of this is in the Intermission, where Snowman weilds a whip called "Black Inches", a euphemism for dick borrowed from a black gay porn magazine*. Snowman seizes Spades Slick's arm with the whip and leaves him humiliated. This scene functions as a violent repetition of a prior humiliation, in which Snowman does no more than observe Slick goofing off: in this instance her very eyes are the Black Inches**, and the embarrassed Slick relieves himself of the horse hitcher between his legs in the emasculating gaze's wake.

* The magazine Black Inches shows up in Jail Break (50).

** Since the zigzag of a lightning bolt is used to represent the scratch of a disk, and the tendrils of the Red Miles represent tears in the fabric of reality, it seems likely that Black Inches would in some sense be yonic as well as phallic -- but one thing at a time.

A still earlier example is found in Problem Sleuth, where the massive eye of a horrorterror peeks through the 4th wall, its massive tendrils probe Ace Dick, and the violated AD walks away in shame, recalling the shame he was made to feel for being fat in his youth. The idea is that the probing tentacles ARE the judgemental gaze. The outer gods in Homestuck are similarly racialized. The brown skin of the Duttle (alchemical fusion of Charles Dutton and Squiddles) perturbs Jade because the tentacles now look like black dicks. Rose borrows a fear of water from Deep Impact*: Rose's "avarice for the inscrutable", her interest in drowning amid the Deep Ones, becomes associated with Charles Barkley via the "Chaos Dunk" John performs in her slumber. Later, the reference to tentacle rape in Rose's chumhandle is made manifest when Doc Scratch "smothers [her] with surprise noodles" (3632), his barrage of inscrutable question marks teasingly sexualized, after which the now-darkened Rose gets rendered as the basketball player from SBaHJ. Again, both Brown Charlies are associated with the Peanut gallery. And the gaze of the Horrorterrors is further racialized by a name: "Oglogoth" as in "gothic ogle" as in "dark leer".

* Is the aversion to water also part of Rose's cat motifs? The phobia was initiated by Jaspers' apparent drowning after all...

The etymology of Darkleer is our path back to Kankri: the omnipresent glare of the red sun is synonymous with the dark, leering ogles of the 4th wall. This is likely why Gl'ybgolyb has the title "the Rift's Carbuncle", the carbuncle being a mythic, glowing ruby. Latula's black affectations are referred to as "rad" to emphasize the link between redness and blackness. Porrim tells Latula to stop performing and be herself, but the red blooded Kankri (who finds fault in all) embodies the judgemental gaze to whom performance is addressed, a point underlined when Kankri informs Latula that he is ALWAYS WATCHING HER, even in moments she believes to be totally private. This gaze is, again, phallic: Dave, the first to be haunted by the red glow of endless webcams, rejects the criticism of the readership by slicing apart the phrase "insufferable prick". This literal reading of "prick" (and its connection to judgement) is one justification for transforming the Kankri's mythic title of the Sufferer into the Insufferable -- he is the prick. For this all these reasons, we can assert that all the terms emphasizing the length of Kankri's judgemental red diatribes ("prohibitously loquacious harangue", "enormous in progressive virtue") are coded references to Big Black Cock*. Poor, innocent Karkat takes the brunt of it.

* One wonders if Horuss's usage of "Trigger" as a minced oath retroactively casts the n-word over all of Kankri's meticulous content tags. "Nigger warning"

3. The elimination of the limebloods was white genocide*.

The blood of the cherubim establishes that lime is the opposite of candy red, so if red=black, lime=white. The racial element of black/white is emphasized by Caliborn affecting black speech (eg KNIFE A BITCH, eg MONEY AS FUCK)** while Calliope is an avowed teaboo (how convenient that the chief pejorative for English people is "limey"). Caliborn kills Calliope, breaks his chains, and escapes to a freedom encoded by decayed Statues of Liberty, lying in the sand -- a reference to the Planet of the Apes, yet another movie about black ascent in the social order (and the fear that this consigns whiteness to oblivion). It follows that the elimination of the limebloods, retroactively framed as Lord English repeating his predomination over Calliope, his "mating" her, likewise encodes a triumph of black over white (which again is also a central paradigm of Alternian sexuality: miscegenation).

* At the risk of contradicting myself, I should note a reservation here: if Caliborn relishes painting his words in Calliope's blood, and ICP is characterized a white affectation of blackness, would it not be sensible to regards the death of lime as a black genocide, after which black speech was appropriated? As though, in the spirit of the "I LOVE NIGGERS" comic, laying claim to group-exclusive language and asserting dominance over that group go hand in hand? I suspect that the lime-as-black account might be superimposed on lime-as-white, as though the reversal of Halloween's Michael were here bi-directional -- colonization likely being the framework in which masculine-white acts upon feminine-black. But we'll talk about bivalent cocks and James Cameron's Avatar shortly.

** Caliborn-as-black grounds his claim (leveled at Jane) that "bitch" and other pejoratives are actually terms of endearment in a distorted understanding of AAVE, as though the use of "bad" to mean "good" were a universal principle. Jane listens to rap music and cries dot jpeg.

Part B: Homophobic Slurs

THEY'RE ALL MEN. BECAUSE I SAY THEY ARE. AND I WANT THEM TO BE.

IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH IN THEM BEING MEN.

THEN THAT FACT BECOMES ABSOLUTELY INDISPUTABLE AS A PERMANENT MAN REALITY.

(Caliborn, concerning the Felt)

If the paradigm of miscegenation dictates that men are "black" and women "white", it follows that the white genocide of the limebloods was also a mass femicide -- yet another retroactive repetition of Caliborn killing Calliope. Every motherfucker on the planet submits genetic material to the Mothergrub, not a soul gestates, and therefore everyone on Alternia is "male", just as Caliborn desires. The castes adjacent to the missing lime might gesture at the womb (Nepeta's bloody cave, Kanaya's midwifery), but all reproduction occurs via "gay sex". Male-on-female miscegenation is abstracted into a paradigm of gender relations, only having any bearing on material relations by way of analogy. The world has been overcome not only by blackness, but by gayness.

A consequence of the above is that EVERY GIRL ON ALTERNIA IS A TRANS GIRL. Roleplay is coded as a feminine activity not only in replication of real world perceptions of rp communities, but to associate Alternian women writ large with performance. FLARP is a "game for girls" not (just) because girls are more dangerous but because girls roleplay, categorically. Feferi describes her cuttlefish rescue as a roleplaying scenario, Nepeta is Nepeta. Kanaya... is perhaps best approached by contrast with Karkat.

Karkat is likely the only exception to the all-male rule: his status as a mutant lime blood implicates him as Alternia's only surviving female, and thus its only trans man*, red concealing lime. His aforementioned race envy would then double as gender envy, blackness being the Alternian paradigm of masculinity. Karkat chose his sickle in imitation of Troll Will Smith, later emphasizing the connection with the sickle HOMES SMELL YOU LATER, likewise a Thresh Prince reference. Kanaya's love of fashion (of "the aesthetic over the utilitarian") is a statement of her transfemininity, while Karkat's utilitarian insistence that trolls think fashion is stupid becomes an anxious assertion that his masculinity in non-mediated, as though a hint of performance in his demeanor would out him. The nubby horns, the suggestion of menses from the Blood aspect symbol, the jokes about hysteric fits, & the love of romcoms... they all begin to seem like tells. Does Porrim insist Kankri wear a sweater in order to censor the female presenting nipples, I wonder.

* I've heard Sollux was presented as a trans man in his Pesterquest route (I haven't played Pesterquest). I think Vriska route's presentation of her as a trans girl was correct, so the Sollux route makes me wonder if this approach is wrong-headed. OH WELL

Karkat shoosh-papping Gamzee (the sound effects are in lime) becomes an image of "white female" soothing the "black male" -- "pap" as in pap smear, mother's offering the baby milk. I'd even guess the entire "pale" quadrant is a pun on the pacifying power of whiteness (dairy and racial, but they've been equated through the paradigm of white motherhood) -- this becoming the reason why Equius, our leading example of moirallegiance, loves milk. Does "filial pail" mean "white mother"? Is the powerful horseman shattering the milk container a violent miscegenation joke, as though he breaks the mother? Is that why Karkat (potential white mother) of all people voices the concern (twice!) that contact with Equius will shatter him? DON'T TOUCH ME. Anyway

1. "FAIRY" IS A SLUR

In the wake of Vriska's pesterchum route, tumblr user abraxasgrip posited that Karkat referring to Vriska as FAG (the seemingly accidental acronym of "Future arachnidsGrip") and Vriska's general status as a blue "fairy" should be considered parcel to a trans narrative*. She was right! The entire notion of trolls pupating into butterflies upon ascension is in part a trans allegory, not unlike the modern designation of nascent trans people as "eggs", waiting to hatch.

* For that matter, I half-wonder if "Vrissy" was chosen for its proximity to "sissy".

Earlier I mentioned a racial dimension to the paradigm of birth in Fiduspawn, but here we can focus on the gender. The fairy girls on Tavros's wall are an extension of the urge to fly, as though fairy girls are the butterflies unto which Tavros intends to pupate. Tavros being unable to sink into his cocoon (ie unable to iniate metamorphosis) because of his HUGE HORNS functions as metaphor for bodily dysphoria. Vriska is introduced as one of Tavros's poster made manifest, the fairy ideal to which he aspires, and she denigrates Rufio because his red hair represents a bloody stump, a point of castration*. The ideal feminine dismissing Rufioh as fraudulent and fake emulates taunts that trans women, even following bottom surgery or what have you, will never be "real women". It bears repeating that this Alternia-as-paranoid-fantasy is arose from a homophobic/transphobic world view (one that slurs together all it would describe as feminine men), so characters tend to express the prejudices that drove their own creation.

* In Openbound, Rufioh attempts to "break up" with the dick-faced Horuss 8=D in service of a dysphoria metaphor. Damara, taking a role akin to Vriska's above, locked away Rufioh's "happy thought" to illustrate the corresponding lack of euphoria.

Also, if Karkat is female, "STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS" functions not only as one of Karkat's defensive assertions of masculinity, but as yet another example of "real women" denigrating "imitations".

It should be noted here that chasing after the butterfly entails chasing after the cocoon, which bears connotations of death (eg the cherubim use a magic tomb, the sarswapagus, to turn from boy to girl and back). In some cases the objective (the feminine) collapses into the mediator (death), such that femininity is construed as intrinsically morbid. Mommy becomes a mummy, pregnant with scarabs. Jake's interest in blue girls intersects with his love of skulls: When Aranea asks "Do you want me to talk until I'm blue in the face?" Jake gulps not only because of the thought of literal blue skin, but because exhausting one's Breath means death.

We'll talk more about Jake later, because the narrative insinuation of necrophilia that follows him is channeled into a very particular homophobic/transphobic construction, but for now let it suffice that the butterfly Grandpa shoots has the colors of the trans pride flag.

2. HIS HONORABLE "TYRANNY" MEANS "TRANNY"

The Condesce attempted to recreate Alternia on Earth, implementing blood castes and installing (black-tainted) clown presidents in imitation of the Grand Highblood. What then is Guy Fieri supposed to emulate? The cursed lore alleges the name to be a mispronunciation of "guy Feferi", but what does that have to do with his position as a Supreme Court Justice? How is Fieri related to His Honorable Tyranny? The answer is as simple as the names: "Tyranny" means TRANNY*, and "Guy Fieri" sounds like GAY FAIRY.

* I talked about Kankri as a figure of judgement earlier -- I wonder if his status as a trans man has anything to do with the nickname "Kanny"

Terezi is likewise a trans girl, and her kangaroo court functions as a castration fantasy: dragons are phallic, she strings them up. "LEMONSNOUT" means "PISSNOZZLE". ("Lemonsnout represents Vriska!" you protest, "we see Lemonsnout on Terezi's desk when she informs Doc Scratch of the cueball!" To this I reply, "The design of Vriska's dotted eyepatch is lifted from the Goonie's 'One-Eyed Willie', who represents a penis!")

Terezi wishes she could have a baby, you see. When Terezi says her lusus dreams about babies, Karkat says "I thought you didn't have one", and Terezi replies "I don't yet, I'm not allowed to." The omitted subject is doubled: Terezi is allowed neither a lusus nor a baby. This motif plays out again in Terezi's roleplay with Nepeta: the phallic dragon (Terezi refers to the dragon head as her "alarming and splendiferous girth") attempts to steal and consume the child, representing the assumption of pregnancy. Cronus (named after a god who consumes children) similarly has a seahorse lusus in reference to male pregnancy.

Earlier still, this wish is encoded in the crime of Senator Pissnozzle, dipping his snout into a "beetle coffer". The invocation of scarabs implies that the Pissnozzle poked into a mummy, meaning that Terezi (whose name invokes Tiresias, the blind prophet of the play Oedipus Rex) is simultaneously punishing incestuous access to the death-mother and the intrusion of the masculine into the domain of the feminine. As with Terezi and her desire for baby: NOT ALLOWED. This society is at least as homophobic as it is gay.

To wit: when Terezi notes the "unmitigated cheek" of the Senator strutting around with pilfered scarabs beneath his clothes, she is complimenting the Senator's ass. Terezi then recommends the court take recess to puke. This is a compliment of sorts, because vomiting blood is one way trolls produce genetic material: the conversation prior to the trial feature Karkat summoning the image of girls "erupting like a vomit volcano" at the sight of Sollux; this image of bile and fire is followed by a dragon drawn by Terezi, who retches with a BLAR; and the phallic status of dragons informs us that vomiting amounts to ejaculation. Anyway,

When Karkat responds to Terezi's cryptic baby talk with "WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF THAT FUCKING TREE AND INTO A PROPER GODDAMN LAWNRING," what we should hear is "GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS." It's an early iteration of the infamous "STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS" that accompanies Tavros's attempted flight. (Another instance of Blood pulling down an ascendant trans girl: Dave offering bloody bro fistbumps to keep John from blasting off.)

3. "HUMAN CIGARETTE" MEANS "FAG"

Cronus ostensibly couches "human cigarette" in quotation marks to signal that he is introducing new terminology to the conversation, but in much the same way as Caliborn would describe his King as "Queen", readers can take the quotes as indication that some manner of substitution is afoot. The suggestion of euphemism (and the fact that Cronus doesn't smoke the cigarette) doesn't just offer a joke about how Cronus likes putting sticks in his mouth -- it's a comment on Mituna.

"Human cigarette" is a rephrasing of TROLL CAEGAR, Terezi's two headed coin. The precedent of G substitution in TROLL JEGUS allows the cigar pun to slip by unnoticed. The two heads of the coin, and its scratched/unscratched eyes, are quickly embodied in the form of Sollux, who likewise has alternated eyes and two-headed motifs. He even carries on Terezi's abuse of the pissnozzle by slicing through his BEEHOUSE MAINFRAME tower -- the yellow MIND HONEY represents piss. The taste of piss turns Sollux into a vomit volcano, a grandiose iteration of the (imagined) spittake resulting from John drinking pee disguised as apple juice. BLUH! The eruption of lasers from his hivestem resembles ejaculation, again pointing to the reproductive function of disgust.

Now we need to superimpose several points:

a. The blast also signals that "Sollux Captor" (sunlight capacitor) can function as a store of energy, a battery. This was the use to which HIC put the Psiionic, using him to power her ship, a cruelty that Cronus (speaking to Meenah) deploys to defend his own abuse of Mituna. This is one point of convergence between batteries and cigarette/cigar: posing a person a fuel, a resource to be burnt out (hence the emphasis on Mituna being brain-fried).

b. Rose has a small tirade in early act 6 about cigars being a phallic symbol, and we should take her word for it: when Meenah goes to take a bathroom break during the interfission, its not until a newly blind Sollux stumbles into the ship's hold with Meenah that her bladder meter starts to decrease. This is another reference to the Psiionic, posing the yellow-blooded Captors as a pissnozzles awaiting depletion. Meenah quips "like captor like captor" afterwards to underscore this parallel (though she formally only refers to Sollux falling down, as Mituna is prone to do).

The dick is a synecdoche of the boy, and as the GameGrl theme tells us, GIRLS RULE & BOYS DROOL. Which is to say, girls and boys are posed as defacto mother/child pairs, because children (being black boys) are all "motherfuckers" in the Oedipal sense. But on Alternia, access to the mother is mediated so the little gay babies (to borrow Meulin's turn of phrase) all have to fuck eachother instead. Hence, "human cigarettes" (ie troll caegars, ie batteries) are fags.

4. "FAYGO" ALSO MEANS "FAG"

Drinking Faygo is synonymous with kissing a dead head, such that Gamzee's soda habit prefigures his attempted revival of Tavros. A shot of Aradia decapitating a frog statue (2065) cuts directly to Eridan picking up a red Faygo. Later, Gamzee advises Eridan to "chug that shit like you and the bottle was reunited lovers", invoking a passionate kiss. Eridan does so, upon which we see Feferi revive Sollux (the Caegar) with a passionate kiss. Eridan demurs on the spittake, but Karkat gags, and Spades Slick consummates the gesture with a reference to puking blood.

Later on, the most dramatic boy-on-boy kiss of the story replicates this structure: Jake takes the bleeding head of Dirk and kisses him to life. Onlookers gag, and a vomit volcano erupts in the background. Bluh.

But hey, on the subject of Jake breathing life into dead people,

5. "WINDBAG" ALSO ALSO MEANS "FAG"

Here we'll need to be familiar with an aspect of Homestuck's metaphysics again, so let's proceed from Jade's fear of lightning:

a. Jade's first imp manifests after she spies a yellow aurora coursing through the sky in the shape of a lightning bolt. Since imps appear in response to psychic turmoil, this establishes that for whatever reason, lightning is a source of fear for Jade. Furthermore, the imp arrives in a reproduction of Bec's introduction, associating Bec with this fear of lightning.

b. Elaboration on the phobia arrives in the form of 1. the image of Johnny 5 being struck by lightning and assuming consciousness and 2. the corpse of dream!Jade being animated by the infusion of Becsprite, after which she immediately requests death. What Jade fears is no less than life itself: life is regarded as a coarse intrusion upon the serenity of death.

c. Another way to put it: in conceiving of her very life as originating from a numinous elsewhere, Jade becomes terrified that the will coarsing through her body is not her own, that she is an automaton, a puppet. But the terror is selective. Note that during her introduction, Jade only attributes her failures to alien wills: the discordant flute play and botched memory game are framed (by Jade) as reader interactive segments, while kickass bass solos and success with the modus are framed (by Jade) as a consequence of Jade assuming total control.

d. The flute example is instructive: another name for the spark of life, the divine pneuma, is Breath. Hence when Tavros attempts to revive Vriska, we see the Breath aspect symbol flow from his mouth. For whatever reason, Jade seems to regard Grandpa as the source of her (unwanted!) Breath, despite his being dead: she disparagingly refers to him as a "bag of wind" while recalling one of his old tirades. When Jade nearly shoots herself but instead shoots Grandpa, suicide and murder are rendered synonymous insofar as Jade is striking out at (someone presented as) the source of Breath. The puppet cuts its strings and is motionless forever.

e. Corpse kissing arises from more than necessity: rescuscitation has apparent overtones of necrophilia. Caliborn illustrates this when he claims Calliope will leave a truly "breathtaking" corpse. Jake's intro drags him into this paradigm with a joke in which the phrase "beating a dead horse" is twisted into the visceral "assaulting the mushy carcass of a horse who passed away long ago", playing upon the sexual dimension of "assault". Blue girls are beutifully dead and the pneuma is seemingly phallicized. Grandpa had Jade's corpse sitting around for a long time.

f. So it came to seem that Jade's relationship with Grandpa had undertones of sexual assault. It became unnerving that Jade seemed to go grimbark at the sight of Jake's banana hammock, that Jade's corpse fell from the sky in Candy at the mention of rape, that another will takes over Jade's body when Meat!Roxy muses that ectobiology did not require their consent to make them make babies. Jadesprite's desperation to die, to empty herself of Pneuma, obtained a connotation of uninvited semen, the memory of which could trigger extreme responses. It seemed frivolous that Jade's dreambot beat up Grandpa's effigy while dream!Jade pummeled the Courtyard Droll, but the association turned ominous when CD killed Jade with an explosion of white goop as a lightning aurora coursed overhead... in short, all signs seemed to indicate Grandpa was a rapist. I'm still somewhat convinced this is true.

But its also true that Homestuck is a conspiracy theory, self-consciously depicting homophobia. A nudge towards a paradigm shift arrives when Jane compared Jake to Arrested Development's Tobias Funke: "How could he not see the pain he was causing with his oblivious demeanor, his repressed feelings of attraction toward men, and his total inability to understand other people's feelings in spite of his credentials as an analrapist?" The message being, much as ICP is framed as evil by dint of being "tainted" with blackness, a Grandpa might be framed as a rapist by dint of being gay. Suddenly the ominous pneumatic dimension of Jade calling Grandpa a "bag of wind" seemed to be a consequence of the more readily apparent contempt Jade has for Grandpa's overwrought manner of speaking. Jade (or else the narrative to which both Grandpa and Jade are subjected) uses "bag of wind", and the elaborate metaphysical assault narrative it invokes, to call Grandpa a faggot.

This filter can superimposed on much of what seemed ominous. The impression that grimbark Jade was triggered by traumatic memories of Jake's groin wraps back around to her open contempt for the garments: she responds negatively to Jake's undies because they're REALLY FUCKING GAY (derogatory). Jade spurning the gift of Ahab's Crosshair (a symbol of lightning, and thus phallic life) becomes inseperable from Eridan's contempt for human reproduction (ew! pussy is gross!)... and speaking of lightning, we've discussed the pneuma's relation to life but less so it's relation to will.

6. "COLONIZER" MEANS "SODOMIZER"

Emphasis on "colon". The gist is that fags, in their femininity, are conceptualized as tresspassers upon the virgin land of womanhood. Recall a dream Jake had, remixing a scene from James Cameron's Avatar, a film in which a colonial soldier is able to assume the body of the blue skinned natives. Jake speaks exploitation and condescension: "Ooh Neytiri, I'm learning so much about myself through your primitive culture." Jake awakens to find Neytiri replaced with Aranea, another "blue girl" upon whom the fantasy of bodily possession is transferred, presumably possessing as much sexism as the quote had primitivism.

A more involved example would be Damara, and her apparent possession by arch-colonist Lord English:

a. Rufioh's use of "doll" in reference to Damara implicitly compares her to the host plush of Fiduspawn, suggesting that she is in some sense a lifeless vessel through which some other thing perpetuates itself. (Which applies to literally everyone in the story, this being fiction, but it becomes a point of focus here.) Damara speaks in staccato bursts like Caliborn, which in light of the above could suggest she is literally "possessed" by Lord English, being puppeted around by an alien life force that moves through her (again, Fiduspawn)

This sense of possession is compounded by Damara being "fake" Japanese -- per tumblruser fishmech, her Google-translated speech is likely diegetic, meaning Damara's sloppy Japanese is acquired and she's what might be called "Japanese kin" in the context of Openbound's various otherkin characters and internet archetypes. Alternatively, we have the standard understanding that Beforan Japanese is intrinsically a “fallen” form of the Japanese that exists as-we-see-it on Alternia, with the caveat that Caliborn is the demiurge responsible for the generation of this degraded form -- and that Caliborn is the one who kins sexy anime girls (his admiration of the self-creating girl on the How To Draw Manga Cover comes to mind), making Damara his avatar/self-insert, and leading us back to the motif of possession.

But this could be folded back into the subjective experience of a Japanese-kin Damara, as though she perceives her seeming inability to be ���authentic” as the fault of a cruel and/or incompetent God -- or rather, it is only through the eyes of God (the reader) that Damara's language is degraded, but since Damara sees herself through our eyes, the apparent inauthenticity of Damara's Japanese communicates a subjective sense of inauthenticy which Damara feels towards her own speech. Sometimes the gap between character and authorial voice in Homestuck is brought to attention to underscore a feeling of profound alienation in a given character, a sense of not belonging in their own skin... dysphoria, in other words.

b. As mentioned earlier, the paradigm of colonization also has a racial element to it, seemingly reversing the black/white coding of masculine/feminine as explored elsewhere. "Damara is Japanese tho" you say. "Ninja means nigga" I remind you.

Conclusion

God I wish I knew how to conclude this. The organizing principle of offensive puns is all that kept this profane intersectionality together. My only real thesis is that I believe we've been pranked, and that the ability to recognize the discursive twists that constitute the deception (or rather, our collective misreading) seems broadly useful. Beyond that, I don't know. I'm not even certain I've done an adequate job separating the metaphorical from the literal on Alternia, to whatever degree those two things are distinct. My head is swimming. I believe some things of substance have been expressed here, but time will tell what details survive subsequent sifting.

I guess as a closing note I'll just mention that before June clicked, I was pretty convinced John was gay. Now remaining traces of that gay reading seem to have been slurred into superposition with the trans reading? Feels kinda nice somehow

[snarp]

me: *panicking, running for my life through Tumblr user Davide @gimmickbird 's "Sweetiepie Labyrinth"*

Davide, over intercoms: you have ponytail

[unluckyhoneybee]

We just got new Angie content which got me thinking. Mick is definitely a dog person. But what if bff was a cat person who just happened to find a couple of kittens that need a home 🥺

Note: written from my phone and NOT EDITED. Sorry if there are mistakes.

Part 16. Best friends to lovers MASTERLIST

"Mick. I need to tell you something" You say on the phone.

"Em... Okay, tell me" He sounded scared.

"I found two kittens on my way home and I brought them to my flat"

"Two kittens?"

"Yes, Mick. They are super small and cute and I couldn't leave them there. I have been seen them on the street for a couple of weeks and I think they don't have a mum"

You heard him taking a deep breath.

"Mickey?"

"Don't Mikey me, YN. What are you gonna do with them?"

"Well... They are gonna stay for the night. The girls said that they are OK with it, so..."

You could picture him running his hand through his hair and frowning.

"Are you going to look for a family for them?"

You bit you lip and your lack of answer was more than enough for him.

"YN..."

"Mick, they are so tiny and cute..."

"Oh God..." You heard him taking a deep breath. "What about Angie? And who will take care of them when we travel?"

"Angie is a good dog, she will love them. You'll see"

"What am I gonna do with you?"

You laughed.

"I have a couple of things in mind"

"Shut up and send me a Pic of those things."

"Kittens, Mick. They are kittens."

"Okay, wait there." You out the travel cage on the floor and look at Mick. His arms were crossed on his chest and one of his eyebrows was furrowed.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He had been so grumpy since you told him you were keeping the kittens, named Oreo and Queso because one of them was black and white and the other had a golden color that reminded you to cheese.

"Okay, welcome guys." You moved one of their toys and as the two curious babies they were, they came out of the cage. "Hi, baby" Oreo meowed at you and Queso was too occupied with the toy.

You took the black one in your hands and looked at Mick. He seemed so unimpressed.

"Are you made of ice or something? How can you not smile? They are the cutest"

"I'm still not sure about this"

You know that after two weeks with the kittens living with you, Mick wouldn't make you give them in adoption. But he wasn't comfortable with the idea of keeping them either.

"Mick. It will be okay"

"They have those nails..."

"They scare you?"

"They don't scare me. I just don't trust them."

"Baby..."

When finally he let Angie in the room, the dog was curious. There was a new smell and two fur balls on her living room.

"Angie, come here baby"

The kittens were hidden behind your leg and you suspected that it was the first time they see a dog.

Angie came closer, sniffing the hair and looking at the cats.

"YN be careful. If they scratch her..."

"Mick, she will be okay."

He was sitting on the arm chair with a worried look on his face.

Angie came even closer and Oreo meowed. The dog looked at you and then at the cat.

"She is Oreo, Angie" You petted the cat to show the dog that it was okay, repeating the same thing with Queso. Soon the three of them were sniffing each other, Angie wanting to play with them but the kittens getting scared because she was so big.

"Angie, honey. Carefully, they are babies"

You saw Mick on the corner of your eye, pretending to not pay attention but with a tiny smile trying to scape his lips.

The kittens got used to the house and Angie quickly. As they were still babies when you found them, it was easy to get them to like traveling and behave on they travel cage.

"Look at him. He doesn't like me, YN"

Queso was sitting on the counter obverving how Mick prepared Angie's food.

"He likes you. He is just curious because the guy who lives with him doesn't want to feed him"

"I don't know how to feed a cat!"

"But you can drive a car 300km/h" You came closer to Mick and kissed his shoulder. "It's the same as Angie's food, but with cat food"

Queso meowed as if telling you were right. Soon his sister was in the counter too and also Angie patiently waiting on the floor.

You gave him the food and tapped his shoulder.

"C'mon, you are gonna feed the cats today"

"Why do I need to feed your cats?"

"You need to feed OUR cats because you need to learn how to do it and because I feed OUR dog all the time"

He rolled his eyes but feed the cats, who happily ate the food.

"See, it's not that difficult"

"I still think they hate me"

"They don't hate you. You just have to open a bit more around them. They can feel how tense you are"

You kissed his shoulder and he looked at Queso and Oreo.

A few days later, you had gone to do some groceries and when you came back to the apartment, nobody came to say hi.

"Mick? Angie? Babies? Oreo? Queso?"

You looked for them around the house. When you opened the door to your bedroom, you gasped.

In the middle of your bed was Mick sleeping and snoring softly. On his side, Angie was resting her head on his thigh. Queso was curled on his abdomen and Oreo's face was right next to Mick's on the pillow.

You smiled and took a million photos before laying next to them.

"Mickey" You touched his nose and he opened his eyes, blushing at the moment. You kissed his lips and laughed at his taken aback expression. You had caught him in the act. "Care to explain?"

"I-I wanted to bond with them"

"Oh baby, that's so cute..." You kissed them again, Queso interrupting you like the jealous cat he was.

"Okay, kisses for you too" You kissed the cat's head softly and smile.

"They are not that bad" Mick said in a whisper so low that you almost didn't hear them.

"What did you said, baby?"

"They are not that bad"

You laughed and gave him a big kiss on the lips.

"I love you so much. I knew you would warm up with them"

"Yeah yeah..." He raid rolling his eyes and hugging you to his side.

Queso found his place on Mick's abdome again.

"I mean, Angie and you seemed to love them so... I trust you girls"

You laughed a bit.

"I'm glad. I'm really happy with our little family"

[gardenstyx]

After ages i finally redrew my boy Skittles (he/him-Also genderfluid but mainly masc)

Skittles powers are kinda like Luffy from once piece and like not sure how to describe it, hes like a shapeshifter but more gooey?If i ever remember i make like a mock up for what its like???

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil.

I am French (hi from France 🇫🇷) and I’ve been reading Good Omens in English. There is something I did not really understand or find a translation for it. « Rivers urv blurd » (it’s on page 284 line 26 :) . I was hoping you may maybe help me.

Love you a lot ♥️

It's "rivers of blood" rendered phonetically.

[vixen7243]

Blurd

Rec room laziness

Y/n: *walks to coffee pot groggy and exhausted, tuning out Johnny and Kyle’s rant*

Johnny: Earth to Y/N, ye there lad/lass?

Y/N: What?

Kyle: We were asking if you think you could take us.

Y/N: *Side eyed the two of them as they turned their head slightly over their shoulder before returning focus to their coffee* Yeah

Johnny: At the same time? *his tone was skeptical*

Y/N: Might need a long nap after but yeah, sure.

Kyle: You might get a bit roughed up in that fight.

Y/N: A fight? *Johnny and Kyle looked at them with a raised eyebrow* Oh, no I couldn’t take either one of you big idiots in a fight.

As Y/N was walking to their room Johnny buried his head in his hands cheeks red, Kyle gaping at their figure disappearing down the hall, John and Simon lowering their respected books surprised. The rec room was quiet the next few hours everyone staring hard at Y/N when they come back later freshly showered and flipping the tv on oblivious to their bewildered glances.

[oddsnake]

i really hate reading reviews for the romance novels sometimes bc there would be cws/tws RIGHT IN THE DESCRIPTION and people will still leave 1 star reviews complaining about cws/tws when they're right there.... like????

[listard]

HI!!

Today I decided to draw a moment from a comic book I've been working on, and this is what I got!

I've decided to call it 'first meeting after a long time'.

[flock-talk]

You may not like it but THIS is peak form

[sweet-lover-girl]

This is dedicated to the anon who sent me an ask but I accidentally deleted it because am a dumb ass. I really hope you see this post because it’s for you Bebe!

But the ask went something like wanting to eat Abby out and the be praised for it and rewarded by getting eaten out I thiiiiinnnkkk??? I’m so sorry!!!😭😭

Warnings: sadistic!Abby, Dom!Abby, sub!reader, thigh chocking(?), chocking, spit sharing

(Proofread a little)

She had you in a head lock with her thick thighs, leaning back against her forearms as she watched your face turn red as the asphyxiation set in. Your ass that was in the air wiggled a little as you fought for balance from being on your knees while your face was red and your cheeks were smooshed against her thighs and your arms wrapped around them—trying to get her to loosen her legs a little but did you really want that..

“Yeah there you go—chock on that pussy baby.” She said grinding her hips up against you mouth, you were trying to keep up with her speed, sticking your tongue out so she could use it as well, she groaned and leaned her head back squeezing her legs harder around your head.

“Fuck ‘m gonna cum baby—fucking make me cum.”She reached down and grabbed you hair and tugged on it hard, using it as a handle of sorts to maneuver your head up and down her wet cunt making you mewl out. She lets out sharp grunts and curses as she came on your tongue, still grinding her cunt against your face—ridding her high. And you let her use you till she was finally back down on the ground.

With a hold still on your hair she loosed her thighs up and pull hard on your hair, giving you no choice but to follow the movement of her hand. She pulled you in for a hot kiss, the slick that was on your chin and cheeks smeared against hers but she gave no mind to it as she tasted herself on your tongue. Pulling you back away from her she gave a sadistic grin at what she saw—your face was red and had her cum and your saliva all over your chin and cheeks, your mouth opened slightly as you pant and your eyes had a glassy look to them.

She leaned in this time and gave you a sweet dirty kiss,”Did so good for me,” she placed another kiss on your puffy lips,”Made me cum so fucking hard.” She growled.

“My baby want a reward for being so good?”

You nod eagerly making her chuckle and let go of your hair, she got up from the bed and turned you so you were facing her and she used an unnecessary amount of strength to pull your hips out from under you so you were laying on your back. Pulling your ass to the edge she kneeled down on the ground and placed hot kiss on you bushy mound—before using her thumbs to open your wet pussy up.

She groaned at what she was seeing, you were dripping wet, your slick leaking down your inner thighs and your pretty little clit was so red and swollen, so sensitive looking. She flicked it with her finger making you jump and cry out. She gave a dark laugh before pulling her hair back into a low ponytail, looking you in the eyes like you were her prey, you are her prey.

She gingerly licked at your cunt, licking at the slit before using her tongue to open you up, gathering as much of your sweet peach juice that she could and got up, placing a hand on your neck as you went to sit up to stop you, she leaned down and placed another hot kiss on your lips. Moaning as she felt your tremble and let out a soft whimper. She leaned back and saw a tear rolling down you face, she moved in quickly and licked it up with a wolffish grin.

Moving back down to your pussy, she got to work quickly. Already putting her pointer and ring fingers in your tight hole, pumping them in and out at a nice pace and she suckled on your clit making you arch your back at the duel simulation. Grabbing the blanket in your hands as you cried out from pleasure, you wanted to hold her hair—but you weren’t aloud to, not until she said you could and you couldn’t hardly talk right now to ask so.

Abby began to curl her fingers up at a rapid pace, her finger tips pressing against your g-spot over and over and over again.

You squeal out as you felt her flick her tongue across you hole between her fingers before she went back to sucking hard on your clit.

“‘m gonna cum Abby, please—please let me cum! ‘ave been so good! Please!” You whimper and whine at your lover to let you cum. She looks up at you with sharp eyes, making your hole clench around her thick fingers, her chuckled vibrated your clit making you moan and let out a soft cry of please let me cum.

She finally took mercy on you,”Go ahead baby, cum for me.” She spoke against your wet pussy, sucking your clit back into her mouth, pumping her fingers and curling them as she watched your back arch as you pulled at the blankets and moaned her name.

She grinned and pulled away as you came down from your high and begin to tremble, she stood up but not before placing one more kiss on your sweet pussy and ran her hands up your body, scratching her blunt nails along the soft skin. Leaning over she looked at your teary eyes and grinned,”Open your mouth.” You automatically open your mouth for her and she spits into it, her saliva and you cum landing on your tongue. She placed her hand on your throat once more and said,

“Swallow.”

You did and she felt it go down your throat. Her grin widened as she leaned down and kissed your lips.

”Good girl.”

[princessbrunette]

I LOVE THAT YOU GIVE POPE LOVE BC LIKE NO ONE DOSE LIKE POPE IS SEXY AND ITS BEEN LIKE HEAVANS SINGING FROM ABOVE WITH THAT BLURD YOU WROTE WITH POPE

i just FEIN to see pope actually punnunish Bratty!reader

this is sending meeee 😭

₊˚⊹♡𐙚♡𓆪ֶָ֢

you’d been mouthing off, and usually pope was chill enough to just calm you down by distracting you. but he was tired after the previous night with the pogues, and he just wanted a day with his girl without her acting up. his patience wore thin as he leans his thick biceps infront of him, elbows on his knees as he sits on his bed, staring at you with low hung brown eyes.

“i don’t wanna do this today. quit with the attitude.” his voice is still calm and smooth despite everything. but just like an itch that needed to be scratched, you kept pushing.

“boooooo, so boring today popey.” you jeer, making him blink at you slowly. what had happened to his sweet girl? he wasn’t sure, but he knew he needed her back. asap.

he sighs out his nose before jutting his head to the corner of the room. “go stand in the corner.” he puts it simply and you grin, amused.

“what?” you ask, flukily quietening your voice just a touch.

“you heard me. you wanna act like a kid, i’m going to treat you like a kid. corner, go.” he commands and the smile melts off your face, staring for a few more seconds to make sure he was serious before you slide off the bed opposite him, walking over to the corner as he watches. you peer over your shoulder, brows all furrowed now. “keep your eyes on the wall.”

you turn back around, staring at the mathlete poster from his nerdier days in high school. you want to smile, giggle even — and make a joke at his expense, but pope really wasn’t one to punish you — so your heart was racing at this new approach.

you hear the bed creak as he climbs off, slow footsteps approaching you from behind. his shadow looms over you, and you suck in a quiet gasp when his big warm hands grace your waist. “you know i’m not with this back-talk shit. i used to let you get away with it, just because i love you. and i still do, but you’ve pushed your luck today, baby.” his voice is warm, and you find yourself melting beneath his touch. it took a minute for you to even realise he’d unpopped your button, sliding your denim skirt down along with your panties until they pool at your ankles.

“gonna need you to count. can you do that?”

you try to answer, but it comes out as a nervous shaky breath instead. “use your words.”

“yeah.”

“thats a good girl. knew you were in there. unfortunately for you, its too late. i’m still going to spank you, okay?” he communicates clearly, kindly, even gentle with you at his most irritated. you’re teary eyed, all tense as you wait for the blow. he smooths a hand over your ass cheek, getting you used to the temperate of his palm before bringing it down in a smack. you jolt with a whimper, before calling out a quiet ‘one’.

“nice. we’re gonna keep going.”

he continues to spank you, but with each spank, it gets harder — the time between each hit getting shorter until he’s got his hand on your shoulder to hold you still, delivering quick, hard slap after slap to your ass cheeks until they were raw. he lets out little minuscule grunts with each spank, and whilst you wept — in immense pain, you can’t help but shift your thighs, arousal clinging to the skin between them.

luckily for you, pope is a softie at heart— and once he’s punished you, he’s gonna make it all better and eat that cunt until you’re seeing stars, vowing to never back-chat such an angel again.

₊˚⊹♡𐙚♡𓆪ֶָ֢