#buck turned up after the lawsuit and decided he was going to flirt

[bludhavensbirdboy]

this is actually what was happening in this scene try tell me i’m wrong!

[sevensoulmates]

Thoughts on Taylor and Buck (and Eddie) in 4x14

For people worrying about bucktaylor.....I just want you to think about the moment Taylor first shows up in this episode. This is coming off half of season’s worth of episodes of Taylor and Buck building up a friendship. A close one too.

And yet...

When Buck is reeling, panting like he's on the verge of a panic attack, still blinking back tears (and failing) like he's gonna break down sobbing at any moment. It's the most vulnerable moment of his life and he steps out of the hospital and spots Taylor near other press trying to get in.

And he doesn’t think "this is Taylor my friend, my safe space, who I go to when I'm vulnerable and need someone who loves me". He took one look at her and saw the moment she stabbed him in the back and was going to turn Bobby's worst moment into a news story. He looked at her and his face fell and his voice shook and he turned around to leave and he said "no comment".

I was surprised by this because we've seen Taylor become a close friend to him this season and for him to be pushing her away so hard in this scene, like he couldn’t allow himself to have this breakdown in front of her because she could potentially use it against him. It proves to me that although they are becoming friends, Taylor has not yet earned his entire trust back from her season 2 betrayals (and from her season 4 rejections). (Remind us of anyone else we know? *cough* Eddie and Shannon)

Taylor wanted to drive him to Chris and he refused. She had to push him, had to tell him he couldn't see Chris like this, bloodied and shaken, for him to agree. And even still when he’s in the presence of Christopher, one half of Buck’s ultimate safe space, he fucking loses it. I have more thoughts on Buck and the significance of him crying with Christopher later. 

More under the cut:

Taylor is worrying about him the whole episode, but after this first moment he addresses her really nonchalantly. She's pissed at him for being reckless, she obviously is showing him she cares, and Buck is flirting. He's smiling and teasing Taylor and she's like??? I'm mad at you?? For endangering yourself?? Buck, who has been on the brink of collapse all episode, is putting on a brave face and pretending he's alright, even in front of Taylor.

And yeah it ends in a kiss but when it comes to the choice of chasing after Taylor (who’s essentially just shown that she does have feelings for Buck) or going to Eddie, Buck makes the choice to go to Eddie.

The very next scene we see Buck opening up to Eddie. Telling him that he broke down in front of Christopher, that he's sorry he failed Eddie and Chris like that, and that he wishes he had been shot instead of Eddie. Buck cracks open his heart and shows Eddie his insecurities, his darkest thoughts, his failures, his regrets. And how does Eddie respond?

He gives Buck the ultimate gift. But more on that later.

The next scene with Buck and Taylor involves Taylor coming back after she left after refusing to talk to Buck about her feelings for him.

Buck says "You came back. Wasn't sure that was going to happen." And that's because everyone who Buck has had a romantic relationship with thus far has left him, and he didn't think Taylor would be the one to break the cycle. Already she's fallen in line with everyone else having left the first time. 

(Speculation: This is why I think Buck will be the one to end their relationship next season, or it will be implied that’s he the one who ended it.)

And again, how does Buck conduct himself in this scene? His face is light, he's laughing. And although he admits that "he spent a long time feeling like he wasn't enough" and although he attempts to be vulnerable here, this scene is still all about whether TAYLOR wants him. Whether she chooses to be with him. And even though Taylor says she does....she hasn't (yet) done anything to prove it. And I doubt in Buck's heart of hearts that he truly believes her.

Now, we get to Buck and Eddie's last and most powerful scene together. Because Eddie doesn't just say it. He proves it with his actions. Actions he made a whole ass year ago. And he decides to tell Buck now when he didn’t tell Buck then, because he saw this whole episode how Buck was consistently devaluing himself and his life. Buck thinks he’s expendable, thinks he’s a burden, thinks he doesn’t matter, thinks no one wants him (even AFTER the bucktaylor moment, mind you). And Eddie tells him to his face: “YOU’RE WRONG.”

By making Buck Christopher’s legal guardian should anything happen to Eddie, Eddie has not only proven how much he trusts Buck, but he has told him you’re essential, you matter, you’re a gift, and we want you in our lives no matter what.

Eddie has seen Buck at his worst. He’s seen Buck being petulant and childish and territorial, he’s seen Buck being reckless and diving into danger head first, he’s seen Buck being kinda dumb sometimes, he’s seen Buck after (to Buck) he lost Eddie’s son in a tsunami, seen Buck furious at his parents, and seen Buck feeling like all he was good for is “spare parts”.  Eddie loved and trusted him through nearly losing Christopher, through the lawsuit, through the street-fighting, through nearly dying underground, through nearly dying on the street after getting shot. And Eddie still chose Buck through all of it. Each and every time. Still said, you are who I want for my son (and as it’s heavily implied: for himself).

And you can see it in Buck’s face in that last frame. When Eddie says it, Buck believes it. 

So although the two bucktaylor kisses may feel like a loss to some, I think the whole of bucktaylor’s scenes in this episode just show such a stark contrast to the strength that is Buck’s relationship with Eddie. And I think that next season if Bucktaylor becomes a full on relationship, it will not last, and I still think we’re headed towards Buddie endgame. 

[mooresomore]

One of the things Eddie didn’t know when he started hanging out with Buck was just how much Buck loved Elton John’s music. Like seriously, Buck listened to it all the time. It was kind of cute and endearing actually (and Eddie wasn’t going to look into the way that Elton seemed like a role model to Buck). Buck had come out to Eddie almost immediately after the grenade incident, revealing he was bisexual. Eddie thanked Buck for trusting him enough to tell him, but said he wasn’t quite ready to come out regarding his own sexuality quite yet, because he was still working through things.

“Whatever you need man, I’m here.” Buck had said. “Even if it’s just someone to work through things with. I’ve been there before.”

“Thanks.” Eddie was actually about to take Buck up on his offer (and see if it was just a one-time thing, or if he was truly into guys), but then Shannon had come back and things had come to a stop before they even got going. Buck still invited Eddie and Christopher over (and took Christopher a couple of times to give Eddie and Shannon some time).

Then there was the Christmas Santa scene. Eddie had spilled his guts to Buck and Buck just listened and offered some advice. Of course, Eddie hadn’t heard what the elf had said to Buck. Buck got into the Jeep with this look Eddie couldn’t quite decipher and started driving them home. Eddie was about to ask Buck what was going on when Buck all but screamed, “I love this song!” and cranked up the radio. Eddie couldn’t hide the smile that worked its way onto his face. Of course it was Elton John’s “Step Into Christmas”.

“Hands on the wheel.” Eddie gently reminded Buck when Buck got a little too overzealous rocking out to the song. 

“Sorry.” Buck turned the radio down a little and focused on the road.

Eddie turned the music back up. “Didn’t say you needed to stop. Just tone it down a little and get us home in one piece, ok?”

“Yeah.” Buck glanced over at Eddie, who grinned. Buck looked to the backseat where Christopher was dancing around in his seat the best he could. “Wait a minute.” Buck looked down, where Eddie’s fingers were tapping against the console in time with the beat of the song. “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” Eddie grinned. “But if you tell anyone…”

“Your secret is safe with me.” Buck said, grinning as he pulled up in front of Eddie’s house. “We have arrived at your destination.”

“Thanks. I had fun tonight.” Eddie said.

“Me too.” Buck said.

“Thanks for coming with us Buck.” Christopher said as Eddie got him out of the Jeep.

“Anytime Superman. See you on Friday night for movie night?”

“Yeah!” Christopher grinned.

“See you then.” Eddie said softly. “Text me when you get home?”

“Always.” Buck said.

***

The next time it happened, Eddie was hanging out with Buck at Buck’s loft. Abuela had offered to take Christopher so Eddie could have a day to himself (he hadn’t got many of those since Shannon had died- and Eddie really didn’t want to relive that part of his life again). Buck had immediately decided Eddie didn’t need to be alone, so he had come up with the flimsy excuse of needing to try out a recipe, knowing that they were still on shaky ground after the lawsuit. Eddie had said yes without a moment’s hesitation (he couldn’t refuse Buck’s cooking), so here they were.

“What do you want to do?” Buck asked. “Tonight’s your night man. I’m down for whatever, as long as it’s legal.”

That pulled a grin from Eddie. “Whatever’s legal, huh? So if I said I wanted to get completely shitfaced at a strip club and bring a girl home, you’re down for that?”

There was a look that Eddie couldn’t quite place for a second on Buck’s face, but it went away and Buck said, “If that’s what you want, dude. Let’s go.”

“What?” Eddie asked as Buck grabbed his keys. “No, Buck. I was just kidding. I was using that as an example. I don’t want to do that.”

“Good.” Buck said, dropping his keys back in the bowl by the door. “Cause that wasn’t really going to be fun.”

“What?” Eddie asked. There was that look on Buck’s face again. Eddie was still trying to decipher it.

“It wouldn’t be fun watching you get drunk and hook up with someone else.” Buck’s voice was soft and Oh! Eddie suddenly knew that look. It was jealousy. 

“What you’re saying is you would totally be ok if I got drunk and hooked up with you instead?” Eddie asked. They hadn’t ever really talked about Eddie’s orientation again since the initial time, but he was pretty sure Buck was picking up on all the flirting Eddie was laying down.

“Yeah.” Buck said. “Or you could not get drunk and still hook up with me?”

“Buck,” Eddie said. “I’d never regret hooking up with you. In fact, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”

“You have?” Buck asked. 

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Just the timing was never right. I wanted to ask you. Then Shannon came back, then she died, then there was the lawsuit and I couldn’t talk to you.”

“You can talk to me now.” Buck said. “I want you to talk to me now.” Buck amended. “I need to know a lot before we get up to anything. This can’t just be a casual thing. I can’t do casual.” Buck said.

“It’s not.” Eddie promised. “I want it all with you. I want the awkward dating stage, the ‘we can’t keep our hands off of each other’ stage, and the ‘I don’t want to spend my life with anyone but you’ stage.”

“Me too.” Buck said. He looked at Eddie. “I need to know how much you’ve done and what you’re comfortable with.”

Eddie knew this was an awkward conversation, but they needed to get it out of the way. He told Buck about the couple of experiences he’d had, what he’d liked and hadn’t liked, and what he wanted to learn and do. Buck listened and then explained his own experiences and what he wanted.

“Now that we have that out of the way, let’s say we get started?” Buck asked, leaning in towards Eddie. “You can say stop at any time and we can stop.”

“Ok.” Eddie leaned in. Buck’s phone rang, Elton John’s “Rocketman” coming through the tinny speaker. Eddie pulled back, laughing. “I should have figured.”

“Stop.” Buck put his head in his hands. “I thought I had turned off my ringer.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with some Elton John.” Eddie said. “Just not when I’m about to make out with my best friend.”

“Take it to the bedroom?” Buck asked, reaching out his hand towards Eddie.

“Yes please.”

***

They had made it through all the stages and were now up to the “I don’t want to spend my life with anyone but you” one. Buck had just proposed, and Eddie (after consulting Christopher) had agreed. Bobby had given his blessing and they were at the courthouse getting their marriage certificate (they didn’t want a big thing). When they got home, Buck said, “I do want to do a first dance with you if that’s ok. I just always had this vision and…” Buck was cut off by a kiss from Eddie.

“Bring your phone here. I know the perfect song.” Buck wordlessly handed over his phone and watched as Eddie scrolled through the songs until he grinned. Soon, “Something About the Way You Look Tonight” filled the living room and they were slow dancing. Buck had tears in his eyes.

“Babe,” Eddie said. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said as the song ended.

“They’re happy tears, promise.” Buck said. “That song was perfect.” He hugged Eddie close.

“Elton has all the right words, even when I don’t.” Eddie said, smiling. “Yes, you’ve turned me into an Elton John fan.”

“Took you long enough.” Buck grinned.

The joke was on Buck though-Eddie said that he had gotten them a honeymoon gift. He made Buck close his eyes. Buck humored Eddie, and Eddie placed the tickets and VIP passes into Buck’s hands. “Open your eyes.”

Eddie watched as Buck realized what they were. “Eds?”

“I love you.” Was all Eddie could say.

“I love you too. So much.” Buck said.

Buck managed to not pass out when they got to meet Elton John, so he counted it as a win. This was definitely one of the coolest things he’d ever got to do.

***

If you were in the Buckley-Diaz household, there was a 95% chance that Elton John was playing on the speakers. 

[khunvegas]

Buddie Fanfic Rec Part 2

Sharing more amazing fics from some amazing writers. if you see someone that you know, please, tag them so they know they are loved too

A Calendar, $100 and a Bad Idea by @evandiaz-buckley

“Let me get this straight,” Eddie said slowly, “you bet Hen $100 you’d make this year’s fire fighter calendar but you failed to read the entry form which states the theme is fire fighter couples?”

or

Eddie agrees to be Buck's fake boyfriend despite knowing he is hopelessly in love with his best friend and it's a terrible idea.

a touch too close by @theleftboobgrabber

Eddie was always in his space, and Buck was always in his. Piled up on couches; pressed close at the diner table, forearms touching, glued from thigh to ankle; hugging hello and goodbyes; shoving at each other after a shower; always a hand on each other back, shoulder, waist; always touching.

And it had been fine. Great. Until it turned too much.

A Truth About Eddie by @tabbytabbytabby

After two and a half years of being friends with Eddie, Buck discovers a startling truth about him.  

Blush by @halloucinogens1 @infinityonmilehigh

Evan Buckley, though? He was Eddie’s kryptonite. His weakness. One look at that innocent face and those puppy eyes and the words would just tumble out of Eddie’s mouth like he had no control of it, like he’d been temporarily possessed by a very flirty demon who liked tall, blonde, pretty guys named Evan.

Lately, Eddie can't seem to get his mouth to stop betraying him.

Closer than I've ever been by suyari

“I love you, Buck.”

Buck smiles softly. “I love you too, Eddie.”

Frustration rallies and Eddie shifts, pushing himself up until they’re level with one another again. “No,” he says firmly. “You don’t understand. I said I love you, Buck.”

Buck’s smile widens, his eyes going soft and fond. “Eddie…” he says, warmth filling his voice. “I know.”

devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes by buddiebuddie (positivelystisaac)

"This candidate. Evan Buckley. He, uh, needs someone to reign him in.” “What do you mean?” Eddie asked. “Oh, you’ll see.” And see, Eddie did.

Nearly two years before Buck is elected to the presidency, Eddie is assigned to lead his Secret Service detail. Like, love, hate, and mutual annoyance ensue, though not necessarily in that order.

Fineline by @buttercupstrand

Eddie knows he has feelings for Buck, and he'd be crazy to miss the signs that Buck felt that way about him too. He doesn't miss the flirting, the quick glances. He knows they always make bullshit excuses to be together. always standing a little too close for just friends, always holding on to each other longer than just friends should.

But he knows there's a fine line between feeling something and then acting on it and that's a line Eddie thinks he'd never be able to cross.

I might have to tell you by @ingu

“Maddie, I made Chris a promise and I can’t finish this list. There’s no way I’m going to get away with all of this.”

“Really though?” Maddie said, and Buck could almost see her playfully doubtful expression. “You don’t think you might be over-exaggerating just a little?”

“Maddie, the list says to kiss Eddie.”

(the one where Christopher gives Buck a list of how to cheer Eddie up while he's gone, and Buck accepts without reading the terms and conditions first)

It Will Last Longer by @matan4il

Eddie wasn’t supposed to see those pictures, he’s completely aware of that. He’s suitably embarrassed of having stumbled across them, but look, it’s not his fault. Lockdown does weird things, accidents happen and, by chance, he came across his best friend’s thirst trap pictures.

Or

Shameless porn that I just had to write the other day when Oliver posted those life ruining pictures on Twitter.

Liminal places by @theleftboobgrabber

After the train and Abby, Eddie cannot let Buck go.

“You’re impossible,” Eddie growls. He is. “And we’re not done talking about that stun you pulled on the train. What am I supposed to do if you freaking die on me?”

This is the heart of the problem. Eddie… Eddie would be heartbroken if Buck was to date someone, but he could take it. But losing Buck completely? No. just… no.

Buck swallows around the bit of omelet he was chewing on without enthusiasm. Again, he throws Eddie completely off. “The English teacher, obviously.” He says it like it’s a done thing really, already pissed off by it.

And that- that enrages Eddie to no end. “Fuck you.”

Pulse Points and Imperfect Words @mansikkaomenabanaani

Eddie decides to do something about his feelings for Buck.      

say the word and i'm yours by quietuniverse

Buck falls victim to Eddie and Chimney's latest prank, which for whatever reason happens to be swapping out his phone background for a photo of Eddie that makes his mouth go dry.

And it's fine, really. Not weird to take a second to appreciate a nice photo of your handsome best friend. Nothing to see here, carry on.

It's fine until everyone starts noticing Buck's reluctance to change the photo.

take a breath, hold it in by @ta1k-less

 “Are you an idiot?” 

That’s the first thing Buck hears as he’s hauled back over the side of the pier, soaking wet and shivering so hard he might bite his tongue off. Eddie is glaring daggers at him, hissing curses in Spanish so quick that Buck, who’s currently trying to suppress the sound of a tsunami siren going off in his head, has no hope of translating. 

“Y-yes?”

Talk About It by @lardominyardo

You want to send me your dickpic?

Just to see if it looks okay.

Buck starts sending Eddie his dick pics before he sends them to other people.

Eddie doesn't know why he decided this was a good idea.

The Jealous Kind by @buttercupstrand

“Alright, it your turn” Buck smiles at TK before sparing a glance at Eddie and Carlos “Okay, they’re looking should I come over there and put my hands around your waist or something, lean in really close and stuff”

“yeah, pretty much”

aka the one where TK and Buck fake flirt to see if Eddie does anything.

the weekly bet (but the forever kind) by @theleftboobgrabber

 When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret.

“Thanks,” Eddie mumbles, hiding his face deep in his pillow, even if Buck can’t see him in the dark.

“What for?”

Leave it to Buck to be confused about something so obvious.

“Being you, idiot.”

“And again with the name calling,” he answers, content and sleepy.

Nights like this, Eddie feels like asking for a miracle.

But to the team, it wasn’t a matter of 

if 

Abby would take him back, but 

when. A matter of days.

Time Makes You Bolder (Children Get Older) by SevenSoulmates

There’s a new resident moving into the suite across from Buck’s.

“What’s his name?” Buck asks.

“Eddie Diaz,” Nurse Corra tells him. “Hey, you know Eddie is also a retired firefighter."

Eddie Diaz, new recruit, a voice echoes in his mind.

“Huh.” Buck says. "Never heard of him."

We Fell In Love Dancing Kizomba by @imyourbuddie

After tragedy strikes close to home, firefighter Eddie Diaz moves him and his son, Christopher, to LA where they can start fresh. Single fatherhood, new job, and a new town stretch Eddie thin, and his biological Dominant needs are barely met. But the fear of repeating the same mistakes keeps him strung tight and unable to let loose.

Evan "Buck" Buckley loves cooking and teaching children in his cooking class. He's a Submissive, this is what he's supposed to do, what his biology is made to do, and he's good at it. But Buck's always had a dream that's so farfetched for a sub that he never dares to even voice it.

When Christopher asks to take a cooking class for children, the two men's worlds collide. Eddie needs to learn to let go, and Buck needs to learn that there's more to life than just tradition and expectations. And maybe, just maybe, they can find happiness along the way.

weak in the knees @realchemistry

Buck simply asked the happy couple a question.

He really should've kept his mouth shut.      

When it comes to an end (I will want you to plea) @winters-blue-children

 After the lawsuit, Buck and Eddie are casually sleeping together. Eddie tells himself it doesn't mean anything more than that. An unexpected incident at work brings up something Buck thought he'd long buried behind him and makes Eddie re-evaluate his feelings for his best friend.    

When morning breaks by adamngoodbatch (sibbed)

Because, for all the love that Buck has for his job, 24-hour shifts still suck. And a sandwich of four 24-hours shifts on a row sucks even more.

It just sucks.

Buck thinks they suck even if they get a whole week free afterward. Even if he gets to go home and rest right after it. It just sucks. He knows how he gets after a 24-hour shift.

Buddie Fanfic Rec Part 1

And I believe in putting yourself out there, so these are mine 

[superrman]

Buck Restarts

Summary: Evan Buckley struggles with his love for his best-friend, and his deep need to find family, he becomes convinced that Eddie doesn't think he is relationship material.Eddie Diaz is struggling to find the strength to admit his love for his best-friend, afraid he will realize that he can do better. All the while unaware that Buck is not only struggling with his place in Eddie's life, but his place at the one-eighteen and his unhealthy attachment to his job.A story where Buck tries to find self-worth and Eddie tries to figure out how to take a risk with his heart.

Additional Tags: Angst,Miscommunication,Jealousy,Leaving Home, Therapy

Word Count:  13440

AO3 LINK 

Notes:

Just being upfront I hate the disregard of a therapist sleeping with Buck when he came to her with issues about sex. It was beyond a breach in ethics, and I hate how it was brushed off.

I am also not a fan of how the lawsuit arc both happened and was treated. #TeamBuck

___________

Buck's relationship with the one-eighteen is bordering on super unhealthy. I think families can easily love each other, but not be the best or healthiest head spaces. Just keep that in mind as you read!

But I hope you enjoy my interpretation <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The station hadn’t changed much. Buck didn’t need much time to adjust to being back at work after the lawsuit. After fighting so hard to be back he wanted to make the best of it. He had missed it so much, the sounds, the smells, the moment of adrenaline he felt when he heard that alarm; the purpose it gave him. He went above and beyond every task, determined to make everyone proud. As always, he knew no one would ever cut him slack. But Buck was willing to prove himself, no matter what.

Just as he worked to be back to top form as a firefighter, he worked on his personal relationships, hoping to get back into everyone’s good graces again. Saving Christmas was just one example. But Buck liked making people happy, nothing made him happier.  

The one relationship he worked hardest to repair was Eddie and Christopher.

Buck yearned for them. He hated the word yearn, it felt sad in a way - pathetic even, but he realized there was nothing more accurate. The way he loved Christopher, he had always wanted a family, there was nothing more sacred to him. Now he knew which family he wanted.

But he didn’t think Eddie wanted him in that way. Of course, he cared but... attraction and love were two very different things. Buck had learned that lesson already.

Buck had started to be flirtier, he figured he had almost died and lost them enough times - time was not guaranteed.

After everything they had been through it was time to make it obvious to Eddie that he was interested not just in friendship, but he was interested in him.

Buck knew that they could have a great life. He just had to get Eddie to give him a chance.

Flirting was second nature to Buck. Ever since he hit puberty, he realized he was good at it. The subtle touches, the looks, he was sure that he would be able to get Eddie to see that he was interested in him. Then he’d tell him how much he loved him. Ya know, step by step.  

Buck did everything he could to get Eddie to see that he was interested. He took him out to a baseball game, asked him out for drinks, nothing serious, didn't want to scare Eddie off, but things that could easily be romantic. Eddie might flirt a little, but then he’d revert back to treating Buck like a platonic friend.

Maybe he needed to consider being bold.

Buck had it, he was going to cook for him. It worked on everyone. Maddie agreed cooking for a guy was a serious gesture. Now of course he had cooked for Christopher and Eddie before but this time he’d cook just for Eddie.

Being in Eddie’s home was natural, Buck loved it. He could see himself being so happy there. He knew Christopher was going to be having dinner with his Abuela, so tonight he’d make Eddie a nice steak. Eddie would see that he was interested in him, and then Buck would know. At this point Buck was worried that Eddie had realized he was interested, he flirted back, he was attracted to him, it was so clear to Buck. But that wasn't enough for Buck. He was worried he wasn’t enough for Eddie. Eddie was clearly not looking for just sex, did he not think Buck was relationship material? It was a deep worry of his. Everyone at the one-eighteen didn't think he was serious, maybe Eddie didn’t think he was relationship material either. He had heard enough horror stories, maybe he didn’t think…

Fuck.

Days like this hurt Buck, it reminded him that he wasn’t enough so many times in his life. He hoped he was enough for Eddie. He would work so hard to make him happy if he’d just let him.

The sizzle of the steak distracted Buck, he went back to preparing dinner, he set out plates, and tossed a salad as the steak cooked. He knew exactly how Eddie liked it.

Buck debated whether he should light some candles. That would set the mood. Music? Was that better, fuck, Buck debated with himself. He rushed and pulled some candles out and lit them, and then went to the speaker and played some jazz, that was in between right, not too romantic, but still nice right? Shit the steak. God, Buck ran over and pulled out the steak, it was done, it looked halfway decent. Thank god he didn't let it burn. Where was Eddie? He should have been home by now.

He pulled out his phone, and texted Eddie.

What is your ETA? Steaks ready?

Despite the fact Christopher wasn’t here, he and Eddie had dinner every Thursday, it was movie night. Did Eddie think that without Christopher, tonight wasn’t going to happen?

Bzzz

Eddie Diaz:

Just with Anna we got coffee, be there in 15

He was on a coffee date, with Christopher’s teacher no less. Of course, of course he was on a date. No wonder he never responded to his flirting, he was dating someone. This was a fucking mistake.

Okay he had 15 minutes, he needed to blow out the candles. Okay turn off the music. Don’t cry. He could do this.

“Fuck” Buck breathed out softly. He couldn’t do this. Putting himself out there with his best friend was hard enough but god, rejection. The only word he had was fuck.

No that’s what he needed to do. Waiting around for Eddie was hurting too much. Clearly, he was not interested. Of course, he wasn’t. What was Buck even playing at?

He was just a fuck up.

He couldn’t face Eddie not right now.

Buck texted Maddie.  

Are you alone atm? Chimney with you?

For once please be alone he needed an alibi.

Bzzz

Maddie Buckley:

No, just got back from the store Chims with his brother.

Perfect Buck, thought, being siblings meant she’d have to cover for him no questions asked. She wouldn't tell anyone at the station he lied.

If anyone asks I came over because you weren’t feeling well tonight, cover for me.

Buck put the steak on a plate and put it back into the oven. Covered up the salad, and left it on the table, there was beer in the fridge, Eddie could enjoy the fruits of his labour. Hell he could bring, Anna with him. That’s what friends did for each other, they helped them with their relationships. He didn't want Eddie to realize just how pathetic he was.

Sorry to bail Eddie Maddie needs me Bring Anna there is steak Romance guaranteed

He turned off the lights, and grabbed his jacket, he had to get out of there. Right before he got into his jeep he checked his phone:

Maddie Buckley:

Sure thing, need to talk?

Eddie Diaz:

I hope she's okay, let me know if you need anything Thanks man, you are the best!

Eddie had no idea that he was breaking his heart. That was the worst part. He needed to get a drink like now. He had just cooked dinner for his crush, and date. Crush didn’t even sound like the right word to him, he was so in love with Eddie, and now he was firmly friend zoned.

Buck parked his jeep outside of a bar he used to frequent when everyone had dubbed him Buck 1.0. He knew he was a fuck up then, but at least Buck 1.0 didn’t sleep alone. He didn’t want to sleep alone.

Deep breath.

In Out In Out

Buck walked into the bar, and looked around, Thursdays were still packed. It was full of people drinking and dancing, they were having fun. What did that feel like again? Buck did miss some things from his Buck 1.0 days. Like dancing, he was so good at that.

Buck walked up to the bar and ordered a double gin and tonic. Gin was a quick way to bury the pain. A couple minutes later, he made eye contact with a cute girl, she was with her friends, but she was pretty. Her eyes reminded him slightly of Eddie. Buck downed his drink and walked over to her and asked her dance.

Walking onto the dance floor was wonderful, the way that bodies moved against each other, the connection. It was exactly what he needed. Buck danced for an hour, and then another hour, with men and women, who ever asked. He drank more. Switching to tequila, he was going to regret that in the morning. But that was tomorrow Buck’s problem.

As the night wound down, Buck saw him. He was tall, taller than him, and he didn’t remind him in any way of Eddie. Different hair, body, eye colour. All night things kept reminding of Eddie, he didn’t want any reminders.

Buck took him home. He didn’t even ask him his name. But it was okay, he didn’t ask him either. They both knew what this was. This wasn’t going to break Buck’s heart.

***

Dealing with a one-night stand had not gotten easier. The awkward pause when you both are sober. The rush to use the bathroom, and leave. Trying to decide if numbers and names should be exchanged. Buck had made it clear that it was just a one-time thing clearly, he had made a mistake. He was supposed to be reformed sex addict for crying out loud.

Shit shit shit.

What now? Mmmhh Buck didn’t know what to do. He walked around his apartment cleaning up the evidence of last night, washing the sheets, and putting the pillows back on his sofa. He had enjoyed last night, but now he just felt empty. And hungover, crap. He hated this feeling, he really did. But if he was being honest he had been hurting for a long time. Each day had felt so hard. Being in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way back is hard. But how could he blame Eddie? He deserved the best.

Everyone else was in therapy. Maybe he should give it a try again. But not the department one. He didn’t want to give them any excuse to get rid of him.

Carla knew good people, he’d send her a message.

After cleaning, and eating a power bar, Buck collapsed on his couch. He looked at his phone.

Maddie Buckley:

Still haven't heard from you, are you alright?

Eddie Diaz:

The steak was amazing Buck Candles and music helped too I owe you one man

Great he wasn’t the only one who got laid. Fucking hell he was pathetic. He had just helped get his crush laid. Buck was sure he was the definition of needing therapy.

***

Buck was amazed how fast Carla was able to set up an appointment for him. She had connections.

Walking into the therapist's office, he wondered how this would go.

Jacob Rollins. That sounded like a trusting name. Hopefully, he would be very straight.

“How are you today Buck? Jacob asked.

“I am good.” Buck half smiled.

“That’s good.” Jacob returned the smile. “What brought you to therapy?”

“Well...um…” Buck didn’t know where to start. “Look therapy was mostly because I went out and slept with some random guy, and I haven’t done that since Buck 1.0 days, but that’s just because I am now stupidly in love with my best friend and he doesn't love me.”

“Well, I can see that you are overwhelmed.” Jacob started jotting things down. “Would you like to tell me why you referred to yourself as Buck 1.0?”

“I was basically a sex addict. I just went around sleeping with people all of the time.” Buck looked down. “I mean for Christ sake I slept with my last therapist, she ended up losing her job as the department's therapist. I am a firefighter by the way.”

Buck made eye contact, and he saw Jacob look slightly angry. Damn, two minutes in and he had already fucked up his relationship with the new therapist.

“She absolutely should have lost her job, Buck, it was in no way your fault.” Jacob said it without any hesitation. Buck was confused.

“I mean I shouldn’t have hooked up with her in the first place.” When Bobby so casually mentioned she left, he had a sick feeling he had messed up her life.

“No she was in the wrong, as your therapist she took advantage of the situation.” Jacob stated again. “The first step Buck is we need to establish what is crossing a boundary line. And I can assure you any decent ethical moral therapist should never have crossed that line, especially with someone who was expressing concerns with sex. It is beyond a breach of ethics.”

Buck was surprised at his passion, but then again he probably didn’t like someone giving therapists a bad name.

“I mean, I guess I never thought about it like that.” Buck stated. There was something off about the fact he had never thought about her being wrong too. But sleeping with patients did seem wrong.

“Have you ever told anyone?” Jacob asked.

“I mean I told my team, and they all agreed that I shouldn’t have slept with my therapist.” Buck said. “And I guess Bobby, the captain must have complained, I just found out she doesn’t work for the department anymore.”

“I am sorry that your team wasn’t as supportive as you deserved in that situation.” Jacob was writing that down too.

Buck had never thought they weren’t supportive. Why should they have said anything? He was sleeping around a lot then.

“I mean I was sleeping around a lot, like I might have sort of, taken a fire truck to have sex.” Not his finest hour.

“Opening up to a therapist being vulnerable is a brave thing, and no one deserves to have that trust violated, no one should be taken advantage of.”

“I guess I had never thought about it that way.”

Jacob smiled softly at Buck. “Well consider thinking about it that way, that can be your homework of sorts for today.”

“Now, too the sex addict part of your opening statement.”

Buck sighed.

“Since the therapist in question was clearly not qualified, would you please tell me why you think you are a sex addict?”

Buck titled his head to the side, “well I mean technically, I self diagnosed, and sleeping with the therapist was a nail in the coffin, you know.”

“You are a healthy, attractive young male, most men don’t come to the conclusion that they are sex addicts, what made you think you were?” Buck knew that too, but also he knew he was out of control then.

“Well I guess, I kept sleeping around, and it was like I just couldn’t help myself...more than that I didn’t want to be alone.”

Buck hated being alone, he was not good at that.

“Did you lie to your partners?”

“OF course not!” Buck was not that kind of person. “I mean to be honest, I never really had to try, if I wanted sex it was pretty easy to find someone willing...”

Jacob laughed. “Not surprising.”

Buck felt like blushing. He was aware of the effect he had on people. Most people. Frowning he thought clearly not Eddie.

“Where did your mind go just then?”

“Well, see I have never had to try, except when it comes to Eddie, I tried and I tried. And I don’t know... nothing.”

“Nothing?” Jacob said. “Are you sure he is attracted to men?”

Buck chuckled at that, it was a nice boost to his ego, which was sorely bruised. “Yah, I mean to be honest he has the right...I dunno...physical reactions, like he’s for sure checked me out, and I mean we are best friends. Like he doesn’t normally lean towards men, but he told me that he has been attracted to them...so yah.”

“Have you told him how you felt?”

Buck took in a deep breath. “I mean I’ve told him how much he and his son Christopher mean to me, I have done everything I can to show that I will never let them down again. And then you know I flirted, made some suggestions... and then like three nights ago, I cooked this whole dinner for the two of us, and then I find out that Eddie is on a date, I couldn’t even face him, but of course I tell him to bring her over, and he ends up getting laid thanks to my hard work. Like come on, how unfair is the universe.”

“What did you do after this?”

“I mean I went out, and I hooked up, and I guess then I came here.” Buck groaned. “I just don’t want to become Buck 1.0 the fuck up the guy who can’t keep it in his pants, the guy that isn’t even close to good enough.”

“Interesting." Jacob nodded. “I do want to explore the earlier statement of the fire truck incident. But to clarify some things, when you are a sex addict it’s a compulsion. And stopping cold turkey is very hard, but that doesn’t mean using sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism isn’t a problem. So we will work to distinguish what you were struggling with.”

Buck nodded, he liked how sure Jacob sounded, he felt trustworthy.

“Why do you keep saying Buck 1.0?”

Buck rubbed the back of his neck. “It was stealing the fire truck, and sleeping with the therapist, and whole lot of people, and to be honest being pretty reckless I just I was pretty immature compared to now, so everyone at the station kind of started sayin the Buck 1.0 days, and I guess it sort of stuck.”

“Well I think first off, there is no such thing as Buck 1.0” the firmness in Jacob's voice surprised Buck. “It is normal for young people to be sexually active in their twenties, but the fact is not many people self reflect in that stage, you have been working on yourself, and that shows you have always had character, you choose a profession that requires great self sacrifice, another marker of character. I think you have always been a worthy person, but perhaps you have struggled to see that in yourself, and then not lived up to your own ideals.”

Buck wished he deserved that.

“Honestly, I keep fucking up though.” Buck stopped. “Can I say fuck in therapy, like is swearing allowed.”

Jacob laughed. “I am more confident you are a good person, and yes you can use whatever language you need to express yourself.”

“I made a big mess of everything, and I think the reason that Eddie doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. And I can’t even blame him. I messed it all up.” That gut punch associated with the lawsuit made Buck want to curl up into a bawl.

“What are you referring to?”

“I kind of… sued the city... I couldn’t be a firefighter anymore and I thought at the time it was unfair, so I sued the city.”

“And you lost?”

“No I won but I dropped the lawsuit because well, I just wanted to be a firefighter, I didn’t want the money, but the lawyer got ugly, and basically I couldn’t see Eddie, and he felt abandoned, and so did Christopher his son who I love too, and Eddie was going through this horrible time, and I wasn’t even there for him.”

“I am confused, if you won the lawsuit, why do you think you were in the wrong?” Jacob was writing really fast now.

“It ripped the station apart, it was dirty, and it was wrong.” Buck was firm in this stance, he could see the confusion in Jacobs face.

“Look I don’t really want to talk more about this lawsuit, it's done, just the important part is it destroyed relationships, and I am trying to make them better.”

Jacob nodded, he made a note to return to the lawsuit, clearly it was important.

“Okay I think we need to return to a fundamental question, what is it exactly that you want out of therapy? We can start there?”

Buck thought for a moment. What did he want? Eddie to love him, the team to respect him, neither seemed likely anymore.

“I guess I want to not hurt anymore, I want everyone at work to trust me again, I want Eddie to love me, and if I can’t have that I want to be in his life without feeling like my chest is going to explode.”

Jacob smiled at him. “These are all important things. I will do the best that I can to help you.”

Buck nodded along, and smiled back, it was nice to have someone in his corner.

“This is a tough question, do you think Eddie loves you?”

Buck avoided eye contact. “Honestly, no.”

“Why not?”

“If I had been anymore obvious...let’s just say he said he wanted a serious relationship, and he clearly doesn’t think I am serious relationship material.” Buck sighed. “I flirted, I hinted, I told him how much he mattered, he’s responded platonically to everything. I just...I don’t think I can do it anymore.”

“Unfortunately the only thing that can truly heal a broken heart is time.” Jacob smiled in sympathy.

“I was afraid of that.” Buck hated that expression. After Abby that’s what everyone said, instead that just felt like a separate wound, and now he had another Eddie shaped one.

“But moving on is healthy, perhaps not sleeping around per say, but talking to new people, going out. It is a good way to see that even though you might not be able to be the one you love right now, it doesn’t mean you can’t love someone again.”

Buck thought about it, and of course he knew that, after Abby he wasn’t sure he’d ever fall for someone again, but then Eddie and Christopher came into his life.

“May I ask what you do outside of work?”

“I hang out with my sister, with Eddie and Christopher, usually the team has a get together of some kind at someone's home.”

“I mean nothing related to work or family, your social life?”

“I mean there isn’t a lot of time for things like that, you know a firefighters schedule is busy, and we always have down time together.” Did that sound as lame as Buck thought it did.

“I think it would be a good idea if you started to expand your circle, just as a start. It would help create some healthy distance between you and Eddie, just until it doesn’t hurt so much. I can tell you are a big part of each other's lives, and you can still be there, but it’s okay to give yourself some time.”

Buck’s heart clenched at the thought of abandoning Christopher again. “I can’t not be with Christopher. I made him a promise that I would never leave him again.”

“And I am not saying that you need to abandon anyone. Buck you also need to be happy yourself, spend time with Christopher, perhaps not with Eddie as well. But find a hobby, or activity that is yours and no one else's. Socialize, enjoy yourself, you can’t punish yourself all of the time, you will break.”

***

New activities Buck could do that. What the hell should he even do? How did an adult make friends outside of work?

Google.

Activities for singles in LA

Oh that was not the right search, fucking LA. Why was everything the plot of a porno?

Bzzzz

Eddie Diaz:

Hey man me u and Christopher + pizza? 20 minutes?

Was he really that available? Buck hadn’t realized he was basically on call for Eddie. He didn't even ask if he was free. Damn he spent his entire day waiting for Eddie to text him. Maybe he really didn’t have a life. If Buck was being honest the idea of getting some time away from Eddie, gave him some relief, he just couldn’t face the rejection any longer.

I would love to but I can’t today. See you at work.

Buck knew that he wanted that family more than anything, and that was just too sad.

Adult activities in LA

What the hell was he supposed to search that didn’t result in the top result being star in a porno, or amateur porn?

Leisure activities in LA

Okay better.

Well yoga was clearly an option, maybe he should go to a gym outside of the station, or take a class. He had fun at that pottery class that Abby had taken him too, and loads of people had talked to him there.

Buck made a list of things to check out, and before he had realized he had basically scheduled a whole week of activities outside of the one-eighteen.

He still would see Christopher because of his drop off/pick up schedule. And he would make sure to take him out for ice cream after one of the pick up days.

Yes this was a start.

Buck sighed, he still needed ice cream. Why the hell did Eddie have to be so damn beautiful, inside and out. The idea of sunset yoga was nowhere near enough to get Eddie out of his mind.

*** The more time at therapy Buck spent, the more he was told that he was unnecessarily hard on himself. The whole reason he had filed the lawsuit was he felt he was being treated unfairly. Yes, he was rash. Jacob was big on self responsibility. But he was also a big fan of not taking sole blame. He was quick to point out that everyone else had made mistakes and the lawyer hadn’t lied once. That was something that Buck struggled with. Even now, he did notice that when Eddie had arrived he got away with a lot. He wasn't the only one who was reckless or acted because of emotions.

He had felt abandoned by the whole team. Jacob pointed out that perhaps his need for his team was bordering on unhealthy. After all he should have had a life outside of his work. Buck had realized he had built his entire identity on being a firefighter. He never thought he was worth much outside of that. Slowly, but surely Buck was walking up to the fact he was more.

Buck had always been good with people, but before LA he had never stuck around long enough to make friends for long. The cool thing about all the activities was that suddenly he was making regular friends.

The yoga classes were really relaxing and the entire class was big on going to live concerts, he was seeing a whole new side of LA, one he hadn’t taken advantage of enough.

Buck had started surfing and despite the clicheness of it all, surfer dudes were actually super nice. Hanging out after a surfer lesson on the beach with a beer was beyond relaxing.

Pottery was just as fun, he had a real knack for it. Wine and cheese nights made him feel all grown up. He really loved it.

Buck was thinking of joining a book club next, Sherry from Yoga was in one that was all about reading something super different every month, and that seemed cool. They went to a different independent coffee shop every month too, and that sounded fun.

Jacob was right, having a life outside of the one-eighteen, and honestly away from Eddie helped.

Buck discovered something else that he was trying to work through in therapy. Being at the one-eighteen was amazing, but he hadn’t been able to stop feeling like he was walking on eggshells, he would always be Buck 1.0 Buck the lawsuit guy, and as much as he tried, no matter what he did he always felt like he could instantly go back to being a pariah. Being with non-firefighters, people who just saw him as Buck, he felt relaxed.

Buck had no idea what to do with that revelation.

Next on his self preservation tour was to start dating again. That was still something that scared Buck.

Even though he had been trying to keep his distance from Eddie, he was still super involved in Christopher’s life that meant being around Eddie. Even though he and Eddie hadn’t been alone in nearly a month and a half, Buck still ached.

***

Eddie was sitting in the station, looking at Buck, it seemed like now he was always more interested in his phone than what was happening in the station.

At first Eddie hadn’t realized anything different, people get busy, and Buck was an amazing person, of course he had other things going on. But gradually he noticed that Buck was disappearing from his life, and the more Eddie tried to hold on the further he got away.

Buck had promised him he wasn’t going anywhere, and yet here he was sitting next to him a million miles away.

Sure, he came to dinner, but somehow he always charmed Carla into staying. Or he’d say ‘lets spend the afternoon together’, and of course it would be in a crowded public place. Before, even surrounded by people Eddie always felt like he was the only one with Buck, he had had a way about himself, but now...Eddie couldn’t place it.

It wasn’t just him, Buck just started to say no to more and more team activities. It was so casual that no one noticed at first. Buck would say something like I have drinks with a friend. Or meeting some people for coffee. Nothing odd about that.

But a couple days ago he said no to Athena and Bobby’s cause he had pottery class. Hen was sure he was joking but Buck just laughed and pulled out his phone and showed a picture of him surrounded by an eclectic group of people holding various levels of skilled vases. Eddie hadn’t even known Buck was interested in pottery.

Eddie felt this was different from the lawsuit, back then he was angry at Buck for disappearing, now he just ached, it was like Buck was drifting away.

Eddie had a terrible feeling that it was because Buck had realized that he had a crush on him. God he was so damn stupid. Of course Buck was just flirting with him because he flirted with everyone. When you looked like that, flirting was just second nature. Eddie had seen Buck charm everyone, everyone from a little girl, to a professional MMA fighter. The man didn’t even realize the effect he had on people.

Eddie had done his best to be careful because of course Christopher loved him. Every time Eddie saw them together, he wanted more than anything to be able to claim them both, to proudly say that Buck was with him and that they were a family. Eddie started to respond to Bucks flirting, he knew he wasn’t as fun or without baggage, but god he wanted Buck to give him a chance, he would do everything he could to make him happy. Just as Eddie had finally decided that enough was enough and he was going to ask Buck if he had any interest in giving it a shot with him, Buck had gone and disappeared.

Hell he had basically left a setup for seduction with Christopher’s teacher. Eddie couldn’t believe how easily Buck had pushed him at her. He wasn't even interested, but when Eddie had come home, after dropping Anna off, he had seen what Buck had left him with candles, smooth jazz and even side dishes...god Buck must have thought he was so helpless. He couldn’t let him know how pathetic he really was.

Ever since then Buck just wasn’t around, sure he was there but his charming self was gone. He wasn’t the only one to notice. Hen, Bobby and Chimney had begun to wonder. There was something different. But what could they say, the weirdest part was Buck was happy.

“Hey Cap, I think the team needs a group hang out, today has been a rough day.” Eddie knew he was a coward, he should have just asked Buck point blank to be with him tonight, he didn’t really need anyone else but he figured Bobby had a better chance at getting him to come out.

“I think that's perfect.”

Bobby turned to the group and announced “Mandatory drinks at Porters tonight, post shift.” Bobby said it with such finality, the funny thing is before he would never have used the word mandatory. It registered with everyone but Buck, who was oblivious in his own world.

“Excited Buck?” Eddie asked.

“I mean drinks sound nice, I was planning on checking out this theater that shows old school horror films tonight with some people, but I can reschedule.” Buck smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes the same way.

“Are you okay?” Eddie whispered, angling his body, shutting the rest of the station out.

“Yah, just kind of... never mind.” Buck brushed off. Eddie couldn’t stand it, before Buck wouldn’t hesitate to confide in him.

“No Buck if it bothers you, it bothers me.” Eddie wanted nothing more than to be in Buck’s life.

“Nothing.” Eddie reached out to touch Buck’s arm in reassurance.

“I am just tired.” Buck turned away, Eddie felt his arm just brushed away.

“But don’t worry, I know I’ll get my second wind.” Buck smiled the same way he had when they started talking, it didn’t reach his eyes. Eddie didn’t know how to reassure him at that moment. But he would figure out a way to fix this.

Eddie went over to Chim and Hen.

“Guys do you think Buck is avoiding... us?” He didn’t want to let on the fact that he was upset that Buck spent less time with.  

“I think someone is being over dramatic, he probably just started dating again.” Chim laughed off.

“Dating” Eddie couldn't help but feel disgusted by that word.

"Maddie has been pushing him to date for a while, and she let it slip that he has been out on a few dates in the last little bit."

“Anytime Buck spends less time at the station, it usually means he has a new relationship.” Hen agreed.

“Don’t worry Eds, I am sure you're still his favourite firefighter.” Chim teased.

But Eddie had zoned out, no if Buck was seeing someone he would tell him. They had….they had something. That night Eddie was determined to get Buck alone.

The place was packed, a lot of first responders hung around the bar, it was kind of their place. Eddie was surprised to see how popular Buck was, normally when they came Buck would just join them at the table.

But tonight, he walked in and immediately got engulfed with people.

“Someone’s popular tonight.” Eddie mumbled.

Chim nodded, nursing his beer. “Like the good ol’ days.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie was trying his best to keep his face neutral; he didn’t want to sound like a teenager with a crush.

Even though there was nothing more accurate than that.

“Oh, back before you joined the one-eighteen, normally when we came here Buck would work the crowd.” Chim looked at Eddie, and Eddie hated that knowing gaze.

“What stopped him?”

Chim laughed. “I guess he started to like our company more.” The way he said, Eddie wanted to believe it had something to do with him, but clearly whatever it was, wasn’t enough for him anymore.

Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised how was he meant to keep the attention of someone as alive and carefree as Buck. The people he loved eventually realized he wasn’t enough.

Buck was the center of the crowd.

An hour passed, and Buck never came back to their table. Bobby and Athena had already ducked out, but they had kids. Hen was getting close to finishing her drink and Eddie knew she’d leave too.

If he wanted to not be so clearly desperate, he needed to talk to Buck now.

As he approached the group, it was full of guys from the one-sixty-seven. They were all laughing at something Buck said.

“So, man for real, you never thought about leaving the one-eighteen?” Roger Jackson asked. Eddie had always liked him, until that question.

“No of course not there my team.” Buck’s answer warmed Eddie’s heart, he was glad that it was crowded, and no one had noticed him. Buck’s certainty calmed the nerves Eddie was feeling.

“Well the way they treated you no one would have blamed you for taking the money, or at least transferring.”

Man, Eddie thought another member of the one-sixty-seven he was going to kill.

“Honestly, I didn’t think I had a choice in transferring.” Wait... Buck didn’t honestly consider transferring.

“Well you know that every station around would take you.” Roger put his arm around Buck, and Eddie wanted to snap it in half. The rage he normally contained until the ring was surfacing up, but he really couldn’t afford to get in a bar fight.

Eddie could see the look in Buck’s eye he was curious, and that’s when Buck noticed him.

“Thanks guys, if you could excuse me.” Buck walked towards Eddie.

“Hey Eddie.” Buck began but Eddie didn’t want to look at him. Not now, not when it was clear Buck was weighing his options professionally. Not when he didn't have his emotions under control.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to pull you away from your friends.” Eddie walked back towards the bar.

“No it’s fine, they were just being nice. But I wanted to catch up with you.” Buck’s beaming smile just made Eddie angrier.

“Well, I just came to say goodnight, I have to relieve Carla.”

Normally Eddie would have asked Buck to come back with him, and Buck would show no sign of being sad about being pulled away from a lively bar, to take care of a kid. In fact, he’d look excited, and this warm sense of comfort would overtake Eddie. But not tonight, he just walked away from Buck, grabbed his jacket and left.

As he exited the door, he looked back to clearly see the hurt in his best friend's eye, before he turned around and re-entered the crowd.

Eddie sighed, no that was where Buck belonged, with people who could entertain him.

***

Buck was really enjoying therapy; it was nice to have someone on his side.

He understood he had had an unhealthy relationship with sex before, he had used to avoid a lot of things, intimacy and connection. That there were different types of vulnerability. It was important that he stayed aware of the difference between using sex to connect and using sex to hide.

Though he still regretted the consequences of the lawsuit, Jacob had helped him realize he wasn’t the only one who was wrong. He had made the effort to see everything for the one-eighteen side, and really Eddie’s side, but they didn’t see it from his.

Buck could still hear Jacob’s voice:  If you were so wrong why did you win? You aren’t the only one in that station that has made mistakes?

It was nice to know other stations didn’t hate him. Being back at one of his old haunts was nice, Buck had worried that since he had gotten around and slept through a lot of the stations no one would want him besides the one-eighteen , and now well, it was nice to know he had options.

Maybe if being around Eddie got too hard he would transfer.

As for dating, he had been on a few, and he had to admit being out was nice. Buck loved everything about dating, the conversation, the excitement, getting to know someone, and of course the sex. Though he had yet to meet someone he felt like he could get serious about, it was nice to be back into the swing of things.

But he still missed Eddie.

***

The day started off as normal. They responded to a call, where a young girl's tree house was on fire. The little girl had taken a candle up there for a tea party, and sadly for her it ended with the tree house going up in flames. Luckily, it was a small fire. Buck didn’t have much to do so he hung around with the mom. She was cute.

And really sad.

“You can always build another one, the inside is burnt, but the tree is still fine.” Buck assured her, he was doing his best to keep her smiling, she looked close to tears.

“It was just, her father built it for her.” Buck put his arm around her shoulder, she leaned in.

“I am sorry.” She said, as a few more tears fell.

“My name is Katie, by the way, sorry for crying into your jacket.”

Buck smiled. “Not the first time, and not the last, don’t worry.”

Katie shifted back and smiled. “He passed, two years ago, and now the tree house being gone, I just don't want Lucy to lose anything else. And of course, I am the worst at anything construction, so I have to find out how to fix this. And just sometimes it's hard you know.”

Buck nodded, letting her vent. He hadn’t even noticed that the team had finished up behind him. They were all waiting.

“Sorry for just spilling this on you, clearly this isn’t your job.”

Buck was a sucker for someone in need.

“How about this, I am pretty handy, and I am sure I can free up a Sunday afternoon, I can help you fix your tree house.” Buck smiled, he wasn’t even angling for a date, he just didn’t like the thought of a kid without a tree house, Buck had always had a soft spot for kids.

“You’d do that for a stranger?”

“Well I always put out the fires, it would be nice to help fix the damage” Buck beamed, no idea that behind him Eddie was seething.

“Umm. I should mention that I am seeing someone who is also not handy. If...um” Katie couldn’t believe that this hot firefighter was falling into her lap, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

“No worries, I am still happy to help. Here I'll give you my number, if I text you the supplies, we can smash it out this Sunday.”

Katie smiled and gave him his phone. “Looks like your team is waiting.”

Buck turned and saw that everyone looked mad, he must be taking too long. “Right, thanks!”

Buck went towards the truck and shouted back. “See you Sunday.”

Buck got into the truck, and immediately saw Eddie frowning.

It was impossible to know what to say to him anymore. A small smile, Buck thought that was his best course of action, Eddie didn’t even look at him. They rode to the station in silence.

Buck wasn’t sure what the issue was, he literally did nothing on that call.

As they removed their gear, the weird silence continued.

Buck walked into the kitchen and started making a smoothie.

Bzzz

Hi, it’s Katie, thanks again for everything today. I really appreciate your offer.

Lucy is so excited, you're her hero.

“What are you smiling at, lover boy?” Chim walked in with a smirk.

“Oh, just Katie from the call, I am helping her rebuild the tree house on Sunday.”

Buck responded to the text, not noticing Eddie walking in behind Chim, primed for a fight.

It’s not a big deal, see you Sunday :)

“Seriously, angling with the kid to get a date Buck.” Buck couldn’t believe what he just heard.

“What?” No way Eddie would ever think he’d resort to something so pathetic.

“Getting in close with the kid to sleep with the mom, just seems a little desperate.” Eddie did think that.

Oh God, did he think he was doing that with Christopher. No.

“Wait, you are going out on a date with the woman from the call?” Bobby asked. Buck could just see the concern in his face. Great, he thought Buck 1.0 was back.

“I am not using the kid!”

Eddie brushed past Buck and went to the fridge. “Right you just decided to give up your Sunday to build a tree house for a hot chick’s kid.”

“Her husband passed, and she isn’t handy, I offered to help that's all!” Why was everyone making this into something it wasn’t.

Hen and Chim looked at him, and he could see the worry as well. Did no one think he had changed? Had they not noticed?

“You learned a lot about her huh.” Hen remarked.

Buck was angry now, why was he defending himself, all he had done was offer to help out a woman. He should just say it doesn’t matter. She has a boyfriend, but they’d all probably think he’d sleep with her regardless.

“You know what let's make one thing clear, I don’t need to use a kid to get a woman into bed, if I want to get someone into bed, I don’t need to try that hard.” Buck couldn’t be here anymore.

He walked out of the kitchen without waiting for a response. Fuck this.

Damn it.

He was still on shift. He went into the showers, he needed to cool off.

No matter how hard he worked he would always be the kid who slept around, he would always be the lawsuit guy, the one no one trusted. If Buck was honest with himself, he didn’t care as much what everyone else thought of him, but Eddie, Eddie hadn’t even known him back in his playboy days and he thought he would stoop so low.

The only reason he was talking to Katie at the call was because Bobby was so clearly still worried about Buck. Whenever there was a simple task, it went to Buck. Bobby had made it clear that he still thought Buck let his feelings get in the way of his work. First with Maddie and then with Eddie. Bobby didn’t have to say it, but he didn’t want to put Buck in a situation that he would sue.

Maybe it was time for a change.

*** Eddie don’t know where that came from, but god he was so fucking angry. He was angry that Buck was flirting so easily with other people, that he was waving goodbye to him without even realizing it. He was mad. Mad that just when he had worked up the courage to say something to him, about how damn crazy he was about him, Buck had disappeared.

The shift ended, and not once did Buck say anything to him.

Normally, after a fight, Buck always came up to him and wanted to make it right. Always, but now, nothing, he didn’t speak to anyone. He was a professional, but he was cold.

A few days later, Eddie clicked Buck’s Instagram, he knew this was the worst place to look. Buck had an impressive following, over 3300 followers, he knew it was higher before but the past year he had stopped using it as much.

But he shared Katie’s post to his story:  the woman whose tree house he went to fix. It had a smile emoji and no worries gif on top it. As it turns out, she was thanking the LAFD for helping rebuild her daughter’s tree house, and it was a picture of Buck posing with her daughter, and her, and clearly her boyfriend.

Crap. He was so fucking stupid.

The post was blowing up, he saw 5k likes already. But of course, Buck smiling beaming, wearing a t-shirt that was just too tight, his biceps gleaming with the sweat he had worked up doing a selfless good deed.

Eddie felt like the biggest moron to ever exist. Buck had such a soft spot for kids, and parents, god look at his own life. Buck had saved him from drowning, helping him by connecting him to Carla, even before he really knew Eddie. Buck did so much, and he never even asked for a thank you.

How do you text your best friend? Hey, sorry I was a jealous freak, please forgive me, let me spend my life adoring you, and not sound like a pathetic loser.

Eddie walked into the firehouse early the next day, he was going to make things right. After his shift, he would go with a pack of beer and Buck would forgive him...he had too. Buck was always so open with his emotions, always first to say he was sorry, he owed it to Buck to be able to apologize the same way. Eddie had no idea how Buck was so in touch and comfortable with his emotions, the idea of telling anyone how he felt always made Eddie want to vomit. The only emotion he was comfortable with was anger.

Chim and Hen were already sitting in the kitchen, deep in discussion.

“What's going on guys?”

“We were just talking about Buck.” Hen stated, she looked sad.

“I heard him talking to Maddie, he is looking into a transfer.” Chim added, equally crestfallen.

Eddie’s whole world stopped for a moment. No. He couldn't, he wouldn't leave them, he wouldn’t leave him.

“You can’t have heard right.”

Control the panic. Eddie you can’t freak out at work, this was all a mistake.

“I did hear right.” Chim sighed, “I walked into the apartment, and heard Buck say he had been putting out feelers, and he was getting a ton of responses.”

This was not happening. Buck couldn’t be that mad, he would have said something, he always said something.

“And then he asked Maddie, if she would support him, and of course she said yes, cause she’s his sister, and then they saw me, and changed the subject, and Buck just left.” Eddie could see the hurt in Chim’s eyes, and the worry, if Maddie was forced to choose of course she’d choose Buck.

“I know we fucked up, about the tree house lady, but he wouldn’t just leave without telling us.” Hen tried to reason.

“Especially without telling us.” Eddie said allowed. Hoping that someone would confirm his theory.

“Look I am telling you, Buck has other offers, and he is considering them.” Chim was adamant.

“Okay so what do we do?” Eddie needed someone to help him hold onto the best man that walked into his life. Shit. He was seconds from panicking.

“I don’t know Eds... if he wouldn’t stay for you. I don’t think any of us have a chance.” Hen looked at him with such pity. Like the secret agreement that they all had had somehow broken. Was he that obvious?

How had Eddie let his life get this messed up again?

***

Buck was scrolling through Instagram; he was so melancholy. A feeling he hated. Jacob agreed looking at other stations was a good idea. He was surprised by all of the offers, but the recent round of good press had helped. Katie’s post had blown up. Even the fire chief had emailed Buck to thank him for the great press. It was a good thing that the department was no longer angry at him, cause man he remembered meeting the Chief and the dirty looks he got because of the lawsuit.

He had been getting DMs daily, back in the 1.0 days Instagram had been a great way to talk to people. Maybe he should use it more.  

He had his pick of stations. He was leaning to the one-sixty-seven cause it wouldn’t increase his commute that much.

Buck got another DM, he saw the title, it was another firefighter. Some guy named TK. He had followed a lot of ‘out’ firefighters when he joined the force, they had followed a couple mutual accounts. But he had never actually talked to the guy, he had a boyfriend back then, if Buck remembered correctly. Clearly as Buck scrolled his profile the boyfriend was history. Nice. The guy was hot, but he looked like he was based in Austin. Maybe the guy was coming down for a vacation in LA and wanted a tour guide.

Buck opened the DM, a job offer via Instagram was not what he was expecting, but shit.

Hey, I know this is random, but I am a firefighter in the one-two-six in Austin.

Buck knew that house, everyone did. Tragedy like that rocked the community.

Recently, I was injured, and the Cap and I have been searching for a replacement. We have room to add one more person to our unit, I saw your post, and was wondering if you’d consider or were interested in a switch. You seem like a good fit.

The new unit was making waves. Austin, that was Texas, that was a whole new state, a lot more than a change in stations, that was a life change.

If you are interested, we can have an official convo, not on insta.

He had included his number.

Buck called it immediately.

“Hello, this is TK”

“Hi, um this is Evan Buckley.” How did someone approach an Instagram job offer?

“Oh, hey man, how are you?” TK had a nice phone voice.

“I’m good, a little surprised, didn’t know DMing was a way to get job offers.”

TK laughed; he had a nice laugh.

“My dad’s a little unorthodox when it comes to recruitment practices, but to be honest, I was recently injured so I was scrolling insta and saw your post, looked into you and figured you were a good fit.”

“Your dad?”

“Oh yah, my dad is my captain, which is why he is a little hesitant to find someone to cover for me, you know dads, so I figured I’d test the waters with some people.”

Buck was touched that this random stranger thought he was good enough for his family. “Wow I am honored you reached out.”

“I am just glad you responded, so we should talk properly, include my Dad, and we can tell you about the team, if you are interested you can come meet the team. And yah, sorry if that was a lot, I know this is totally random.” TK sounded a little nervous, which made Buck feel a lot better.

“No no, I... it just so happens I was looking to make a change, and um...well I am happy to hear out any offer.”

Buck spent the next hour talking with TK Strand, and then Owen Strand, they were both super nice. He loved the rebuilding of the one-two-six story. He googled the members and shit Owen was a straight up American hero, and TK had been shot in the line of duty. Everyone seemed great, Paul had found a gun on arsonist: cool. Shit, Marjan was hot, and clearly just as reckless as he was. Buck had to admit that the team looked like a great fit. It was nice to know TK was out of the closet and he helped point out to Buck that Austin was the most liberal city in Texas.

Owen said that they did need someone soon, so if he was interested, he could come down that weekend and check it out. The man literally offered him a place to stay. Buck couldn’t think of a reason to say no. If he liked the rest of the team, they would make the transfer request official, and send the paperwork to his team.

The only thing that Buck really had to stay for was Christopher, he had promised him that he would never leave him. Maddie would visit and vice versa, they promised each other after the hostage situation that they would never let anything get in between them again.

She had promised Buck she needed him in her life, and he needed her.

Buck thought about it as he surfed Austin real estate listings. There was Skype and video calls, and he would visit Maddie all of the time. He wouldn’t abandon Christopher, but he also couldn’t be around Eddie. And he had to stop kidding himself, he wasn’t a parent to Christopher, and it hurt. Christopher might call him ‘his buck’ but Buck had no claim to Christopher.

Texts, visits, and the promise to always be in his life, and somehow he had to learn to live with his guilt.

LA was getting suffocating. A fresh start sounded too good to be true. Somewhere where he wasn’t the fuckboy, or the lawsuit guy, but just Buck. A chance to restart.

There were some really nice places in Austin. He could pull off a cowboy hat if push came to shove.

He and TK continued to text, he was a fun dude. Not single as it turns out, but trying to figure out a love life just as complicated as Buck’s, but Buck had to admit TK had one advantage; his hot cop was interested in him.

Thanks to Buck’s googling he found out that TK had been in the New York firefighters calendar, that was like the most coveted of the firefighter calendars.

TK brushed it off, but Buck made it his contact picture, luckily he was already invited into the one-two-six’s group chat. Buck was surprised they hadn’t already known. Apparently, it was going to be plastered all over the one-two-six thanks to him, Buck felt like he was already part of the team.

He could get used to this.

***

The next day Buck walked into the one-eighteen, he had already filed a request for two days off, so that he could explore Austin, he was going to tell the entire team together about the job offers. Buck was secretly hoping that they would all demand he stayed...he was hoping that Eddie would ask him to stay.

When he walked in he was the first one there, he went into the kitchen. He put his phone down on the table and went to make coffee. God he was nervous.

Eddie was the first in. He walked in and sat down; he didn’t even say hi. Okay so this was going to be harder than he thought.

“Hey Eddie, want some coffee?” Buck wished he didn’t sound so damn pathetic. Eddie shrugged “sure.”

Bzzzz

TK Strand

Another reason to come to Austin

Best Hot Wings Guide Austin

Eddie saw the messages pop up, and he fucking saw green. There was some shirtless firefighter as the icon, and Austin. No. Transferring to another station was bad... but Eddie could work with that. But fucking leaving the state.

“Texas?!” Eddie nearly screamed.

“Shit. I wanted to talk to you about that!” Buck couldn’t believe that this was happening, not how he had imagined doing this.

“You said you’d never leave!” Eddie exclaimed, fuck he hurt. No, he swore he’d never feel like this again. He could feel the rage begging to take over, yah he preferred that. He wanted to fucking throw Bucks phone into a wall and break this fucking TK Strands neck.

“I am not... I just got a job offer.” Buck exclaimed.

“Right, and you weren’t looking to leave the one-eighteen, Chim overheard you. I fucking should have never trusted you.” Eddie didn’t even notice, Chim and Hen walked in.

“That’s not fair!” Buck exclaimed. “I haven’t made any decisions, but I deserve to know what my options are, and it’s not my fault that other teams actually want me.”

“We want you to Buck!” Chim exclaimed.

“That’s not fair Buck, we have always treated you like family” Hen joined in.

“Yah and don’t worry my family made me feel like shit too!” Buck exclaimed. Why was everyone yelling? This was supposed to be civilized.

Eddie barely registered that was the first honest thing Buck had ever said about his family, he and Maddie never spoke about them,

“And the return of self-centred Buck, that lasted all of two months.” Eddie hit the chair. He had to hit something before the frustration boiled over.

“That’s not fair!”

“Stop saying that’s not fair. I am sick as shit of hearing you say that’s not fair!” Eddie couldn’t even look at Buck. “GO. Just stop playing with peoples fucking emotions, and go Buck, we will be just fucking fine without you!”

With that, Eddie stormed off.

Buck felt like Eddie had punched him,

“You know, I did everything I could see things from your side, I apologized, but you guys never thought about how I felt. I honestly I am tired, tired of trying so hard for people that don’t seem to notice. I am going to Austin, I am putting in for a transfer.” Buck felt like crying, but he had something to say to Eddie first.

Buck passed a stunned Chim and Hen, he saw Bobby first.

“What happened to Eddie, he just stormed off?” Bobby was clearly worried.

“He lost his temper again, shocking.” Buck fumed. “Anyways, I am putting in for a transfer, I accepted an offer from Austin FD, the paperwork should come in tomorrow.”

Bobby looked stunned. “Wait what”

“I said I am leaving, ask Chim and Hen about the details, I have to have words with Eddie.” Buck tried to brush past Bobby, but he grabbed his arm.

“Now wait just a minute here Buck.” Bobby stuttered. “What are you saying?”

“I am saying I am sick of this shit. I am sick of every time I so much as talk to a woman, that you all seem to think I am trying to sleep with her. I never pressured anyone into sex. I never so much as lied to anyone to get sex, and since you haven’t noticed I’ve changed. I might have made some rash choices, but so has everyone here, including you, everyone gets a clean state, but I can’t take this anymore.” Buck couldn’t believe how frustrated he sounded. “I am done!”

And with that he walked away.

He saw Eddie outside; he was breathing deeply.

“Hey!” Buck shouted. “I am talking to you!”

“What now huh?” Eddie asked. “What the hell do you want?”

“I didn’t deserve that.” Buck stopped in his tracks, like always every time he saw Eddie his anger evaporated. He looked so sad; Buck wished he believed that he cared.

“Before you start shouting, you for once could try and see it from my side, I have tried so damn hard to be someone to you, and I can’t I can’t anymore.” Buck hated how heartbroken he sounded, even to himself. “I tried so hard to be okay with being friends, of this half place in your life, but god... it hurt. I am tired Eddie, and you fucking don’t even notice when I am drowning. I just can’t be here anymore, but I am not abandoning anyone, Christopher will always be in my life, I would never just leave.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie couldn’t quite believe his ears.

“Just what I said, you call me self-centered, but damn Eddie you never see anything beyond what you need. You need me to stay, you need me to help you, but you never seem to see how much I need.” Buck started backing away. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“You are breaking up with me, and we haven’t even dated?” Eddie wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this was.

“You know what it's bad enough that you didn’t even care that I was in love with you, but to make fun of my feelings right now, is not... it’s not cool.” Fuck Buck felt stupid.

“Whoa!” Eddie exclaimed, he looked so panicked. “Don’t leave Buck, please don’t leave. I didn’t think... I didn’t realize you... if I had known…”

“Oh please Eddie, you knew.”

“I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did. I flirted and I know when someone is attracted. I am not blind.” Buck couldn’t believe that Eddie would sink so low as to manipulate him like this. He wasn’t good enough before, but now what… suddenly Eddie wanted something, he couldn’t even string together a sentence.

“Of course, I was attracted to you Buck, look at you, but of course it was more for me.” Eddie stepped closer and flinched when he saw how quick Buck stepped back. As if the very thought of Eddie being near him physically hurt him.

“For real Eddie, how pathetic do you think I am?” How could Eddie have messed this up so much?

“I don’t think you are pathetic! Buck I could never think that!”

“You think I would use a kid to sleep with his mom. You think I would just leave without telling you. You never once made a single move in the months I flirted with you... all the while, making me think I had a shot. But then I realized... how you kept saying you wanted someone serious, clearly I was good enough to flirt with, but not enough to date. But now I am done.” Buck walked away further.

Eddie’s head was spinning, he had to figure out how to explain to Buck that he had been a coward, not that he didn’t love him. Shit…

“Wait Buck, just wait a damn minute!”

“No, I am done, I am taking that job in Austin, and getting a fresh start.” Buck turned and left the one-eighteen in his shadow.

Originally, he was going to take a week to pack up his things, but as it turned out he was efficient in packing. He emailed Owen and got confirmation that his transfer was in the works, that gave him a week off to get his things together but he was ready in a day.

Eddie kept calling.

He kept texting too, but Buck had texted him back saying if he really cared that he wouldn’t come over, that he didn’t want to see him.

So far Eddie was listening. Buck sighed to himself, if Eddie had really cared about him, he would have shown up regardless. Buck would have. He would have fought tooth and nail for Eddie to not leave him.

But here he was alone in a basically empty apartment.

Maddie and Chris were the only people Buck really felt like he needed to say goodbye too.

Buck knew Eddie’s schedule; he wasn’t at the station, no one on the team was, Buck knew Bobby would be, he owed him a goodbye too.

And a thank you. Despite his anger, Bobby had done a lot for him, so had the one-eighteen, one thing he knew about family was sometimes leaving made things better. You could still love someone and not be with them always.

So, Buck decided he was going to do a goodbye tour, say his piece with everyone that mattered, and tomorrow he would be off, a new chapter. This was going to be okay.

Bzzz

Eddie Diaz:

I love you; you have to believe that I love you.

Buck couldn’t stop the tears.

Eddie might love him, but he was a second choice, he only wanted him now that he was leaving, and Buck couldn’t, he had his heartbroken once before, and he wasn’t going to let himself fall even more in love with a man who didn’t love him the same.

*** Saying goodbye was harder than Buck anticipated, he was never good at holding onto his anger.

Bobby and Athena didn’t make it hard. He thanked Bobby for actually motivating him to be better, for seeing that he had potential, and promised him he would continue to work to be better.

They both wished him well and promised him the door was always open for him.

Chim just promised to look out for Maddie, and that they were good.

Hen was surprisingly emotional. She made him promise to take care of himself and to do everything he could to be safe, otherwise she’d kill him herself.

Buck knew it was cowardly to sneak off to see Christopher while he was with Carla but self-preservation. If he saw Eddie he’d cave. Hugging Chris was so hard, Buck couldn’t hold back the tears. Christopher looked so sad that he was moving. God he was the worst.

The promise of video calls, and presents and visits, helped. That kid was too mature, he was sad but he didn’t want to look sad.

When he had asked if it was like the trips that Daddy used to take, Buck literally wanted the earth to swallow him whole, that kid had been left behind so many times and he deserved more. Buck just wished that he was strong enough to be able to give it to him.

But he couldn’t. He could risk his heart for someone he wasn’t sure about. He had been devastated once in his life already, and he wasn’t about to go for round two.

And that was that.

LA wasn’t his home anymore.

Buck moved.

***

Eddie couldn’t believe how sad his son looked, he had to watch him pretend he wasn’t sad. But knowing he wasn’t even mad at Buck made it worse. After all, how could he be, he got used to people leaving, and it was his own damn fault. Buck had said he was taking a trip, and that was the same thing he used to tell him.

What the hell was Eddie supposed to do? Of course now looking back he realized how monumentally he fucked up. Sure, he had noticed the signals. And yes, he should have been brave enough to act on them.... but why the hell was Buck so insecure, how could he just assume that it was him? Didn’t he know he was amazing?

There was that nagging voice in his head that told him Buck expected to be blamed, and maybe you didn't give him what he needed and that voice buried Eddie in guilt.

But Buck was gone.

Except he wasn’t.

The station reminded him of Buck, his house was just as much Buck’s as it was his. Literally every part of his life had a Buck shaped hole. Of course stalking his social media didn’t help. Buck looked so happy, the team in Austin looked like a good fit. And then of course he called Christopher all of the time. He kept his promise he wasn’t abandoning anyone. He had just left him.

Eddie had to accept that none of his calls were answered and Buck had never replied to his texts.

Two weeks had gone by, when Buck finally did respond.

I just wanted you to know, I miss you.

That simple message, that Olive Branch took Eddie’s breath away.

Fuck it.

Eddie didn’t want to text or take half steps.

It was July, he could easily enroll Christopher in a new school. Austin was closer to his parents, which was good, and god, he would give Christopher the family he deserved.

He had to find an opening in the Austin FD, anything.

Eddie called Bobby, to see if he had any leads. As it turns out, one of the fire captains got struck by lightning, wild as shit. They had internally promoted, and they had lost their replacement. They needed another person. Sounded perfect. Eddie just prayed to god he got the job.

He spent hours, looking up schools, day-cares, special instructors, and then he realized shit, he had to reply to Buck.

What the hell should he say?

No text seemed enough.

I promise you Buck, very soon you will have no doubts about how I feel about you.

Bzzz

Eddie please, don’t make promises.

Let’s be friends again.

Eddie wasn’t giving up that easy.

You’re right, I am stubborn, and this is something you can’t stop.

I am coming to fight for you Evan Buckley.

Bzzz

Eddie I have commitments, I can’t leave Austin now.

Idiot, did he really think Eddie would just assume that Buck would come running back, he had to learn he was the prize.

I know.

Bzzzz

What does that mean?

Grand gesture time.

You will see. Just wait a little bit longer Buck.

Eddie didn’t want to make false promises. He had no idea if he’d get that job. If he didn’t hell he could move in with his parents while he sorted things out. No wait: you have a kid, you aren’t a guy without your own responsibilities. You have to have a job. Panic was setting in. Buck hadn’t responded. Shit maybe he should just say I am moving, and then figure out the details later. Was that fair to anyone?

Bzzzz I can wait a little bit longer.

But don’t make me wait forever Eddie.

Yes! Buck hadn’t completely written him off.

I won't, I promise.

The next time I say I love you, you will believe me.

Moving was a bitch, Eddie hated it. Getting movers was a whole thing, when technically he hadn’t rented a place. Eddie found a possible apartment and asked to have it held for a couple days. Eddie didn’t want to sign a lease unless he had too. So of course, there was no actual address to send his stuff too. He had to ask the company to wait to deliver it until he knew where he was living. But, Christopher was ecstatic, he hadn’t realized how much Chris had missed his grandparents. He was also so excited to join Buck on his ‘trip’. Eddie knew he was making the right choice.

He was going to give his son a family, and this time he was going to fight like hell to keep it.

The moment of truth had arrived. He was in Texas. His parents were over the moon. The one-eighteen was sad, but they all said they saw it coming after Buck had left.

Eddie dropped Christopher off with his parents before arriving in Austin. If this didn’t go according to plan, he did not want to subject his son to his dad drinking in a bar until he passed out in a motel room. After all, maybe Buck had changed his mind, or realized he was better off, or or or or.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Buck’s house. Buck had bought a cute two-bedroom house, the man had put down roots.  

Okay he could do this. Just ring the bell.

It wasn’t that hard.

Eddie suddenly missed his long hair, it was easier to run his hands though that, now he was just fidgeting. Damn, his shirt was wrinkled, okay just brush it down.

Should he have brought something? Housewarming present of course! There had to be a store nearby, he should just go and get something.

Then he would come back.

Eddie turned around, and then he turned back, no he could do this. Scotch would help.

Yes, a bottle of scotch and then he would come back, Eddie turned around again. Just get the scotch and then it would be fine.

Eddie’s heart jumped as he heard the door open.

“Eddie!” That voice, god how he missed it.

Deep breath. Just turn around.

“Hi Buck” God he looked good, somehow he looked even better. He was beautiful.

“What...what are you doing here?” Oh, how he missed that puppy dog expression, his eyebrows crinkled around that adorable birthmark.

“Um…” Buck was waiting. “Wanna come in?”

Yes, walking in that was a good idea. Okay you’ve practiced this. You can do this. Just tell him.

“Are you going to say something?” Buck looked so vulnerable. Shit okay open mouth.

“I just…” Eddie inhaled.

“You are freaking me out.” Buck looked so worried.

“I love you.” Eddie didn’t mean to blurt it out. Not after the disastrous way he had done the last time.

Buck looked disappointed. Not the reaction he was hoping for.

“Wait before you say anything, let me just get this out.” Eddie had his arms raised he didn’t want to hear Buck reason this away. “I am not as good as you with feelings, but I have to say this.”

Buck was looking at him calmly.

“Well?”

Oh, shit he had to say something.

“This would have been easier with the scotch I should have bought.” No laugh. Okay, time to be honest.

“Look I was afraid too. Afraid that you’d realize that you had way better options. I was angry and depressed and licking my wounds.” Eddie suddenly hated that Buck was taller than him because now he had to look into his eyes, he couldn’t just look over him.

“Shannon wanted a divorce, and even though I stopped loving her a long time ago, that rejection hurt. I did everything I could to make her happy and I wasn’t enough, and she just reminded me of how terrible I was in relationships. And by the time she had come back, I was already falling for you. And that scared me. I don’t exactly have any real experience with guys.” Great. Tell Buck that, sound more like a reject. You are trying to convince him to date you. “It’s not like I didn’t know I was interested, the opportunity just never presented itself, and then I just realized it was just another thing I didn’t have to offer.”

“I wasn’t looking…” Buck began.

“No, I am supposed to finish first.” Deep breath. “You were right I was trying to flirt back, but I was afraid, you could literally have whoever you wanted. You are kind. Kind... isn’t even a big enough word. You have the best heart of anyone I know, and since you are so kind with everyone, I was worried I wasn’t that special... after all, why would I be.” Eddie could already see that Buck wanted to disagree. “The fact you want to defend me right now, even though I was an ass to you, just proves my point.”

Buck was starting to smile a little. Okay keep going.

“I was scared. I was scared that you would realize that I was boring, or too messed up, or that you would realize I wasn’t worth it. I was never afraid that you weren’t good enough. I am so fucking sorry that you ever thought that.”

Buck took a step forward. One more deep breath, Eddie closed his eyes, and blurted the rest out: “And don’t apologize anymore. I had my head up my ass but I don’t anymore, I just took a job in Austin, because you are worth the big grand gesture. You are worth everything to me. So that’s my pitch: me, Christopher, a new city, new chance?”

Before Eddie even realized it, Buck was kissing him. Holy shit, he was being kissed. Okay, participate.

All of the anger and frustration and fear just melted away.

“Did you seriously move to Austin?” Buck couldn’t believe his ears, he was worried this was a dream.

“I did, though I still haven’t bought a place. I was... um” Eddie focus, but god touching Buck, being able to feel him was distracting. Why hadn’t he done this before?  

“Move in with me.” Buck laughed. “If you moved to another city just to be with me, move in with me.”

Eddie couldn’t help but grin. “Well there were other reasons, like the hot wings and the…” Buck was kissing him again, and yah busting his balls was not worth it at all, he just never wanted Buck to stop what he was doing.

“You won’t regret this.” Buck vowed.

“I know I won’t.” Eddie smiled into Bucks neck, and just held him for a moment. “I know because you will have my back, always.”

“Where’s Christopher?” Buck asked. He had missed that kid like nothing else.

“With his grandparents for the night. But I am sure tomorrow we could all explore the city together. By the way, my parents are dying to meet the man that convinced me to come back to Texas.” Eddie chuckled. Hell, he moved to another city, and decided to move in with Buck. Meeting the parents was the logical next step.

“So you're saying you don’t have to be anywhere all night.” Eddie wanted to remain cool, but holy shit, Buck looked at him in a way that his skin tingled.

“Nowhere, but here.”

“Well then... let me show you to our bedroom.”

Our bedroom.

“Sounds perfect.”

And it was.

Fin.

Notes:

I hope you liked it!!! Thanks for reading.

> The only way I could think of making the fact that they haven't hooked up logical was one of them was insecure, cause literally they flirt so badly on the show > But also that show is full of miscommunications > I also just think that TK Strand is defo in the NYFD Calandar it just seems on brand > I also think Eddie cutting his hair was a travesty

[everyones-flower-somebodys-rose]

So... I haven’t actually been active in... any fandom in years, and this is the first time I write anything in close to a decade, but I have fallen in love with 9-1-1 and head over heels with Buddie, and this little (2700 words) one-shot wouldn’t leave me alone. Who knows, maybe it’ll be another decade before I write anything again!

Title: Crazy Alex

Summary: Just another day in L.A. An accident, a rescue, Buck comes out (accidentally?) and everything involves a crazy ex, because of course Buck 1.0 would have one.

9-1-1, what is your emergency?

It was just another Los Angeles day for the 118. A call had arrived early in the morning, a car crash that had caused a pile-up on the 110.

"LAFD, coming through, please", the voice of captain Nash could be heard over the crowd, as the squad made their way through the cars under the smoldering California sun.

"What do we have, Cap?” asked Hen, walking closely to Chimney, both looking around for injured civilians.

"Male, early thirties, still conscious. Apparently he hit the wheel with his head"

"Airbag?" asked Chimney, as they got closer to the car where an injured man was moaning in pain, blood on his forehead.

"Didn't open" Bobby answered, turning around to his team.

"Well, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen" Chim replied, as Hen got closer to the driver's window and gave three knocks to call for the man's attention.

"Sir, what is your name?"

"A - Alex. My name is Alex"

"Alex, listen. Everything is going to be okay, we'll get you out of there".

"My head. It hurts real bad"

Hen gave a try to the passenger's door, but it wouldn't budge. She looked at Bobby and shook her head slightly, giving him to understand that they would need more help with the car.

"All right," Bobby began, taking charge, "Chimney, make the rounds, check for others that might be injured," at this, Chimney nodded, quickly replying "Sure, Cap", and left the scene.

"Eddie, Buck," he called on the radio to the other two firefighters that had stayed behind, trying to help release traffic, "I need you here with the jaws of life"

"Coming, Cap" could be heard as the answer.

______________________________________________________________

"I'm just saying, you need to let it go, man," Buck trailed after Eddie, continuing an argument that had started in truck. The older man was making his way through the cars, very decidedly not looking at Buck.

"I can't just let it go, Buck. You can't expect me to be okay with... that. After I specifically asked you not to!"

"Seriously? C'mon Eddie, it was just one time." Buck was saying as he ran to catch up with his friend, trying to see his expression as they spoke.

"One time is all it takes."

"It was for fun"

"Yeah?" Eddie said, turning his face to the side to better see the shit-eating grin on Buck's face "Well, the next time Christopher decides to start singing that song at 11 pm, I'm sending him to your place. I tried so hard to avoid Frozen, man, I swear to God..." he trailed off as they reached the scene. It was a man with a bump in his head, a piece of cake considering some of the things they had both seen, but Eddie turned around to see Buck turn as white as a sheet in record time.

"Hey, is everything okay?" He asked, their earlier mock argument forgotten as he got closer to his friend. Eddie's earnest voice shook Buck off his stupor, and he smiled, not too convincingly.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's okay, just... can you take this from here? I'll... check if Chim needs some help, you know, it seems you guys got this" Buck answered, as he started quickly retreating from the scene.

"Buck..."

"I'll explain later!" he yelled, already two cars away from them.

Shaking his head, Eddie turned around and got to work, prying open the door from the car. Once free to enter the vehicle, Hen quickly stabilized the man's neck and checked him for concussion.

"Is you vision blurred, Alex? Do you feel any nausea?" she asked, after checking his eyes with her lantern.

"No, no, it just hurts, my head. Hey, firefighter... Wilson is it?" the man, Alex, said as he read her tag, "the firefighter that just left... was it Evan Buckley, by any chance?"

"Um..." she said, turning to look at Eddie. For his part, Buck's reaction was starting to cause some suspicion, but before he could say anything, Hen answered,

"Yeah, that was him. You know him?"

"Oh, yeah," Alex smiled, talking as they got him out of the car, "we are old friends. But I haven't seen him in such a long time! It's too bad he couldn't stay to catch up."

"Well, we are pretty swamped, Alex," Eddie replied, "he has to keep working. We'll... tell him you said hi."

Privately, Eddie figured if Buck had wanted to catch up with this guy, he wouldn't have run as if he had a hellhound on his tail. There was definitely a story there, and, he resolved, one he would pry out of his friend the moment they got back to the firehouse.

______________________________________________________________

The reckoning was not to be, however. After the pile-up, they received a call about a mansion burning down in Beverly Hills, which came with a newly separated couple blaming each other for the fire, and the woman demanding they went back in the house for her jewels. After that, came a children birthday party gone wrong, with the kids attacking the clown who then fell on top of the table with the cake, breaking the table and getting stabbed by a piece of wood. Finally, two golfers had accused each other of cheating, and one had tried to run over the other with the golf car, missing him and falling on the artificial lake in the course.

Safe to say, by the time they all got back to the firehouse, they were exhausted. All they wanted to do was have some dinner and rest until the next emergency, or until their shift ended, whatever came first. The Alex guy was out of Eddie's mind as they all sat around, ready to try Bobby's next gourmet dish. That is, until they heard a voice calling from below.

"Hello? Is anybody here?"

Everyone at the table looked at each other, half curious and half annoyed their dinner had been interrupted. Bobby left the table and leaned over the railing. Standing in the middle of the station was Alex, the guy from the car accident.

"Can we help you?" Bobby asked.

"Hi, Captain. I'm Alex... you guys rescued me this morning?"

"Yes, I remember you," was the captain's reply, with a small smile on his face and merriment obvious in his tone to those who knew him.

"I was looking for Evan? Evan Buckley? I saw him on the scene today, and I asked around and they said he worked at the 118?"

At this, Bobby heard a whispered Bobby, no! coming from Buck, who had all but hidden behind the table. He was crossing his arms in the air, mouthing no repeatedly. Bobby raised his eyebrow questioning, but Buck only made a gesture with his hands to signify he would explain later. Taking pity on him, Captain Nash turned around to answer the man.

"I'm sorry Alex, but Buck is not here at the moment. Can I deliver a message for him?"

Alex looked visibly deflated, but only a moment later he looked up and smiled brightly.

"No, that's okay! I'll just drop by later! Thank you, Captain Nash! Have a good night"

Bobby stared as Alex turned around and left the station, and then, he went back to the table, arms crossed around his chest, an amused look on his face as he stared down at Buck, still hidden behind the table.

"Explain"

______________________________________________________________

Buck was sitting in the couch, looking at his team as they sat around him, expecting the explanation he had promised them for after they finished their dinner. Eddie and Bobby were sitting at each side of him, while Hen and Chimney had sat in front of them. No one spoke until Hen said impatiently.

"Well?!"

All Buck did was look at all of them, one by one, reading their faces until he finally said,

"Oh, c'mon guys, I thought you had made the connection already."

No one answered him.

"Really? No one?" he said, unbelieving.

"What connection, Buckaroo?" Chimney replied, still not understanding what the young man was talking about.

"Guys, that was Alex!" he exclaimed, "Crazy Alex? I'm sure I told you that story"

"No, wait," Hen said, after a second, shaking her head as if trying to bring back the memory, "I remember that story, Crazy Alex... but wasn't that a crazy ex that texted you every hour and wanted you to meet her parents after you hooked up twice? And told you she loved you chasing after you, after you literally ran away, with your pants around your ankles?"

"Yeah!" Buck exclaimed, happy someone had gotten it. "Except it was his parents, but yeah, that was Crazy Alex!"

The four of them just stared at Buck. For a moment, the firehouse was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was Eddie who broke the silence.

"But... that was a guy."

"Um... yeah..." Buck replied, not understanding Eddie's surprise.

"Whoa, wait wait wait wait," Chimney exclaimed, standing up, "Buck, are you telling us you are bi?"

"Sure, but... you guys knew that already, didn't you?"

"What?! No, we didn't know that, Buck!" Hen yelled, at the same time Chim said in a low voice "Wow, so many things are starting to make sense now". For their part, Eddie and Bobby looked at each other, stunned.

"But, how could you not know? I talked about guys I dated before! Alex? Charlie? Hot Nicky? You have to remember that one!"

"Do you really not see where the confusion might have come from, man?" Chimney asked, sitting down again.

Buck thought about it for a while, replaying the names in his head,

"Oh... yeah...but... there were pronouns! Weren't there?" He said, confused. Hen shook her head, one part amused and a lot exasperated.

"Well... Bobby knew!" Buck said, pointing at his captain with an expectant look on his face. Bobby shook his head, "I had no idea, Buck."

"Seriously? Cap, you told me off for flirting with a guy on one of our calls!"

"When?"

"Tapeworm guy, with the thing coming out of his...?"

"Wait, that was flirting?" Bobby interrupted, thoroughly entertained, "You were discussing healthy food and comparing body mass index!"

Hen snorted, "Seriously, you did that? Yeah, Cap, that was peak gay flirting right there"

"Wait a minute" Eddie said, interjecting, "you flirted with a guy with a tapeworm coming out of his ass?"

"He was hot!" Buck defended himself,  "and I flirted with him before we saw the tapeworm" Buck paused and looked around him, looking a bit lost and a lot confused, "Wait a minute... did I just... accidentally come out to you guys?"

At this, they all laughed, and Hen got up and hugged her friend, still smiling while saying "Yes you did, Buckaroo. And we love you and we are proud of you."

"You know," said Buck, once Hen had let him go, staring at Chimney, "I'm surprised Maddie never said anything to you."

"She must have assumed I knew. And, believe it or not, we don't really talk a lot about you Buck." Chimney said, laughing while avoiding the chips Buck started throwing at him.

"So, what do we do about this Alex guy?" said Eddie at last once everyone had settled down, "is there any danger, Buck?"

"Want me to let Athena know, kid?" Bobby added.

At this, Buck just shook his head. "No, there is really no need. He is just, you know, the usual crazy, not psycho crazy. Once he realizes I'm ignoring him, he'll go away. Trust me, I tried talking to the guy before. Makes it worse."

They all looked at each other, unconvinced.

"As long as you know what you are doing, Buck."

______________________________________________________________

Crazy Alex showed up at the firehouse the next day, thankfully when they were on a call, and did not show up again for the next three days, so everyone thought perhaps he had understood the unspoken rejection. It was a Friday night, and the shift was just ending. Bobby and Hen were heading out to their homes, to have dinner with their respective families. Meanwhile, Buck was leaving to pick up Christopher. He had offered for babysitting duty, as Eddie had picked up a few extra hours that week.

"Thanks again for this, Buck", Eddie told him, as Buck was heading for his car.

"Hey, you know I adore Chris. I love spending time with the little guy, and I promise, no Disney movies with catchy songs."

"I appreciate that more than you know" Eddie replied, clapping Buck in the shoulder. "Have fun, and text me if you need anything."

"I will, and I'll have more fun than you! You are stuck with Chimney for a couple more hours" Buck added in a loud voice, pointing at Chimney who was looking at them from the upper floor, and who made a rude gesture with his hand in answer.

"Bye, man." Eddie waved, and waited until Buck's car was out of sight before going back inside with Chimney, who was picking up some extra hours himself (he wouldn't tell anyone what he needed the money for, but they all had a bet going on that it was for a special and expensive ring).

It was turning out to be a very quiet evening. Most of the firefighters were in their bunks, snacking, or otherwise distracted. Chimney and Eddie were playing Mario Kart when they heard it, a voice from the floor below, like the last time.

"Hello? Anybody in?"

Not believing their ears, both men looked out to see Crazy Alex (they could not think about him as just Alex anymore), looking up with a smile on his face.

"He really doesn't give up, does he?" Chim muttered.

"Someone needs to put a stop to this," Eddie said, turning around and leaving the railing.

"I agree, but you heard Buck, he says talking with him will make it worse"

Eddie stared down, thinking, until he said, "Maybe it doesn't need to be Buck the one to talk to him. I know this kind of guy, that think if someone is available it's free game. I got this". And then he went down the stairs, ignoring the whispered "Eddie!" from Chimney.

Walking down with his best Army posture, Eddie slowly approached Crazy Alex, making sure to keep his arms crossed and his face as unfriendly as possible.

"Can I help you?"

Crazy Alex, who was not as tall nor as built as Eddie, looked up to the man, visibly intimidated.

"I was looking for Evan?"

At this, Eddie took a step closer, invading the other man's space.

"Buck is not here. He's home, looking after our son after a long shift." At this, Alex's eyes widened.

"You know," Eddie continued, somehow managing to make himself look taller, "my husband, he's told me all about you. You wouldn't leave him alone for months after he told you he wasn't interested. You better take a hint, man, because I don't like people messing with my family, got it?"

Alex gulped, "Uh, sure man, listen... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to step on anyone's toes..."

"If you had, you would have wished you had stayed on that car we saved you from".

"I should..." And without finishing the sentence, Crazy Alex turned and practically run out of the station. Eddie turned around with a smile, to see Chimney who had gone down the stairs and was on the other side of the floor, looking at him with a smirk on his face.

"Was that too much?"

"I don't know, but I think it worked," Chimney said, still smirking, "don't think he'll be showing his face around here again".

Eddie started to walk back, intent on going upstairs again, when Chimney said,

"So, your husband? I'm not saying it was a bad idea," he added, raising his hands in defense "just... curious."

"It worked," Eddie said, already reaching the ladder and walking up, "and also, I think it's best if this stays between us"

"Oh, I don't know," Chimney added with a laugh, yelling after him, "I think it's a great story to tell the guys later, don't you think?"

Eddie didn't stop, just kept going upstairs as he said,

"They'll never find your body, Chim!"

[optimizche]

Koes (Jung Hoseok/Reader)

You felt your phone buzz within the pocket of your jeans.

Without even having to look at the cell, you knew exactly who it was, texting you at this time.

It was the man sitting across the table from you, presently motioning for the waiter to freshen everyone's drinks at the table.

Jung Hoseok.

Sure enough, as the new round of martinis was being served, you chanced a peek at your phone.

It was him.

Seok (22:12): Cheer up, love. Don't look so glum. You're here to celebrate your husband's latest accomplishment, aren't you?

Sure, the tone of the text was jesting, yet you couldn't help but feel the sting, upon reading the words your husband.

Indeed, you all had gathered at this swanky restaurant that had just received its third Michelin star to celebrate your husband's win in the lawsuit representing Bangtan Enterprises.

Luhan, your husband, was one of the most prominent attorneys in the city, and a name partner in the city's premier law firm, Oh, Han & Co.

Luhan had successfully defended Bangtan Enterprises in a defamation lawsuit filed against them by one of their rival companies.

To celebrate his win, the founder of Bangtan Enterprises, Kim Seokjin had invited you all to dinner. Present at the table were Seokjin, sitting next to Kim Namjoon, the brilliant CEO of Bangtan Enterprises. Across from you, sat Jung Hoseok, the CFO of Bangtan. Next to you sat your husband. And on your husband's other side, sat his partner at the firm, Oh Sehun.

The thing was that Sehun and your husband were more than just business partners. They were lovers, a fact you had known long ago, back when you all were in college.

You also knew very well about Luhan's parents. They were extremely orthodox and conservative and they had no inkling of their only son's sexuality.

Luhan, feeling certain that his parents would disown him the moment they found out about him and Sehun, decided to approach you with an agreement.

He asked you to marry him.

You were his ruse. His cover-up. Luhan knew that his parents would be delighted to have you as their daughter-in-law.

In the eyes of the world and in name, you were Luhan's wife. Behind closed doors, Luhan could be with Sehun, without any fear.

"You, too, can see whomever you choose, _________. But in secret," Luhan had said.

And for the love that you bore for him, your best friend, you agreed to be his wife.

On the face of it, you and Luhan were the perfect, ideal couple who had it all. Behind closed doors, it was all a hollow farce.

During the first few years of your marriage to Luhan, you had been very lonely. While Luhan, with his considerable wealth, had made certain that you had every single conceivable material comfort, your heart longed for something else...

Since you were a little girl, you had dreamt of having an epic love story. One that matched Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy and Heathcliff and Catherine.

You had given up all expectations of having an actual love, once you agreed to Luhan's proposal...

....until a blinding ray of hope came into your life, by the name of Jung Hoseok.

You met him through Sehun and the attraction was instantaneous.

At first, it was something you dismissed as a crush, when you'd playfully return his harmless flirting. It was nothing at first.

But as you spent more and more time in his company, your lonesome, despondent heart began to fall for him, pulling down your guarded walls and letting him in.

You began to notice the smallest detail of him. His smile was infectious and his persona was charismatic. Magnetic. He was an incredible leader, always full of optimism. He was extremely intelligent and his business acumen was astounding.

You began to notice how he'd bite his lip when he was lost in thought. How his tongue would peek out of the corner of his mouth whenever he smirked. In secret, you bought a bottle of his signature cologne and you'd often find yourself unscrewing the cap of the bottle to inhale the perfume, in the middle of the night, just to remember that this is what he smelled like. You were infatuated. Besotted. Smitten. And even after your best attempts to keep away from him, you couldn't keep your ever-growing feelings for him concealed for very long.

Things came to a head one night when he invited you to dance with him at one of his company's galas.

The moment he touched you, you felt a spark of electricity sear through your body. You found yourself following his lead, leaning into his warmth like you were basking in the rays of the early morning sun, while he guided you across the dance floor with such a deft ease, that soon everyone else stopped dancing to watch you both.

For just that one dance, you felt like you were living one of your romance novels.

How had you never noticed how well he danced?

After the song ended, you leaned in to place a kiss to his cheek, but he tilted his head at the last moment, so your lips met the corner of his mouth instead.

"Thank you for this dance, my princess," he breathed into your ear, and you felt your breath hitch, a flush colouring your cheeks. You hoped that the people around you, who were applauding your dance, didn't notice how much he affected you.

But one person had noticed.

Your husband.

When you were in the back of your chauffeured Town car, Luhan turned to you with a knowing smile. "Hoseok is a wonderful man," he said.

You were flustered at the sudden mention of his name. And Luhan's smile only grew upon seeing your reaction.

He reached out and tucked a loose lock of your hair behind your ear. "I know you, ____________. Before becoming my wife, you were my best friend. And you still are. I just want you to be happy."

You leaned back and closed your eyes. "I know, Lu. I like him. A lot. But it might all be for nothing. I don't even know if he likes me!"

At this, Luhan chuckled. "Oh, believe me. He likes you."

Almost as if on cue, you felt your phone vibrate.

It was a text.

Unknown number (23:40): I can't get you out of my head, ___________.

You replied immediately.

You (23:40): uh, who's this?

Unknown number (23:41): LOL. This is Hoseok. I should've started with that first, huh?

You chuckled and Luhan glanced at you.

"I gave him your number, don't worry," he said, smiling mischievously.

"You did what?" you asked him, incredulous.

"_____________," Luhan said, placing his hand on top of yours. "You know I cannot give you the love you deserve. And I'm not stupid. I have seen the loneliness in your eyes, and I've seen the change in them when Hoseok is around. Give him a chance."

You sighed. He was right. "But what about-"

"Us?" Luhan asked, smiling wryly. "I've been nothing but selfish to you. Keeping you married to me to please my parents, while keeping you away from any chance at happiness. It is wrong of me. Just go and see Hoseok. Find your happiness."

_____________________

That night had been the start of your "affair" with Hoseok.

If you could only call it an affair. But it wasn't really an affair, was it?

You were in love with Hoseok.

While on paper, Luhan was your husband, in every other way and especially in your heart, you knew that you belonged to Hoseok.

And Hoseok knew it too. He had told you as much a million times. That a piece of paper that declared you man and wife was of no significance to him. It was only your love for him that mattered.

No matter how much or how insistently he assured you of the same, the same sneaky feeling of guilt would creep back in, weighing heavily in your heart.

It was the same thought gnawing away at your heart tonight, as Hoseok drove you to his place after the celebratory dinner had ended.

Ever perceptive, he noticed your silence.

"Are you alright, princess?" he asked you quitely, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear, his other hand remaining firm on the steering wheel of his Mercedes.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the headrest of your seat. "Yeah..." you answered, unconvincingly.

Silence fell once more and mercifully, he did not press upon the subject. He knew you and knew that when you thought the time was right, you'd talk to him about it frankly.

You both never kept any secrets from each other.

______________________

Once he ushered you inside his home and shut the door behind you, you cupped his face and drew him to your lips.

Kissing him with everything that you had, you lost yourself into the warmth of his mouth against yours, allowing him to slip past your lips to taste you.

"Am I ever going to be enough for you?" you asked him between kisses. "Will this ever be enough for you?"

Upon hearing your question, he pulled away from you, his dark eyes studying yours.

"So this is what has been bothering you?"

You nodded, eyes downcast.

This time, he initiated the kiss, his hands slipping into your hair and tugging back, making you moan into his mouth. It was wild and ravenous, this kiss, his yearning for you almost tangible in the way his tongue made love to your mouth.

Before you knew it, your clothes were being stripped away by his frantic hands, and you aided him in the task, before allowing him to push you against the closest wall.

Hoseok, still fully dressed, knelt down on the floor, lifting one of your legs and hooking it over his shoulder.

"You gorgeous, beautiful woman," he spoke to you, fingers parting your soaked folds, gently coating themselves in your arousal. "How do I erase this doubt from your mind that you aren't enough for me?"

He sank two fingers into you, until the knuckles.

"Seok..." you sighed, leaning into the hard surface of the wall, welcoming the intrusion of his digits.

Beginning to curl his fingers within you, he plunged them deep into you. And then, he put his mouth on you.

Your fingers wove into his silken hair and you felt your knees begin to weaken at his ministrations.

The pleasure thrumming through your body was glorious, like bathing in the rays of the summer sun. A warm flush began to spread through your entire body, as you bucked your hips into his ministrations, biting into on your bottom lip.

Your legs began to quiver as you felt yourself rise in your climax, releasing finally with a gasp.

Hoseok grinned impishly up at you, his lips smeared with your juices. "Perhaps I need to fuck all the doubts away from your mind."

_____________________

"Fuck, princess...." he groaned, laying back on his bed beneath you, watching you ride him. "I love watching you take my cock."

Opening your eyes, you saw him staring at you with an intense, blazing gaze, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

You took his hands, that were gripping your hips, guiding them up your body to palm your breasts.

"Touch me, Seok..." you cooed.

His hands cupped your breasts, kneading the soft flesh in time with the rhythm of your hips.

It felt so good, having him so deep within you, that you were seeing stars.

When your second orgasm came, you cried out, riding him fiercely until the very end. Losing the strength to stay upright any longer, you collapsed against him, panting.

You were about to grasp the base of his still hard cock to finish him with a handjob, but he caught your wrist.

"And what do you think you were doing, princess?" he asked.

You had just opened your mouth to speak when his hands came to your waist and he flipped the over.

Kneeling between your legs, he raised your left leg and hooked it over your shoulder.

"I think you can give me another, can't you, princess?" he asked, before sinking back into you.

You moaned out his name, clutching at the sheets. Your cunt was aching and tingling with sensitivity and Hoseok's deep, quick thrusts left you a sobbing mess.

Moaning incoherently, head thrown back against the pillows, you recieved him compliantly, too weakened by your previous orgasms to resist him.

With every thrust, he curved his hips just right so that he can hit that spot deep inside you.

"Where do you want me?" he rasped, and by the sound of his voice, you knew he was close.

"Inside me, inside me..." you moaned, your eyes rolling back into your head as you came for the third time, clenching around him tightly.

With a deep groan, he spilled within you, his warmth filling you up entirely.

When you came to, he was lying beside you, stroking your sweaty hair away from your face.

"I love you," he whispered. "And this, what we have, is more than enough for me..."

You leaned in and pressed your lips to his chest, unable to stop smiling.