#bucky barnes x ana rios

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 27

Time Heist 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. 

Words: 8005 k

A/N: (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​​​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me. (gif not mine) Sorry for the wait!

Fingers glide over a slick flat surface, ripples cascading outward. Eyes flutter open, vision filled with the hue of a dusty orange haze; a setting sun. Slowly, Ana sits up, hands stroking through the water that never dampens her skin. Pushing herself up, she turns, immediately spotting the little girl. As she walks towards her, footsteps silent in the pond, the girl meets her gaze. She doesn’t speak, just takes a step sideways, placing her small hands against her own chest. Curiosity propels Ana forward, moving closer to the girl, searching her brain to recall her name.

“Gamora,” Ana speaks with a hushed tone. 

She stretches out her hand for the child to take. Ana has so many questions to ask her, sitting on the tip of her tongue. Gamora shakes her head, a rueful tilt to her mouth, eyes glossy. She keeps her hands over her chest, a faint glow emitting between her fingers.

“How can I help you?” Ana begs. What was her purpose of being here? Of her constantly waking up in the same spot, in the same world, for years now? “I want to help you.”

“You’re not here for me,” She whispers ominously.

Eyebrows knit together. “What do you mean?”

The child’s tiny smile falls from her lips. She moves one hand to press against the door behind her, holds out the other for Ana. When their fingers connect, a rush shoots through Ana’s body, suddenly she’s standing on the other side of the door. She blinks, the sensation rolling through her chest when she touched Gamora remains as she stares ahead.

Bucky, as in every dream, stands before her, the same little grin on his lips. “Annie.”

Ana immediately goes to him, her hands hovering over his face. She refrains from touching him just yet, not sure if he’ll fade away the second she does. The only time they were able to solidly feel each other was the night their daughter was born; she hasn’t been able to touch him since. She hasn’t been back in this world for months.

“Bucky,” His name spills on a choked sob, relief warming her body at the sight of his beautiful face. “Hi.”

Bucky raises his hand, barely brushing his fingers through her hair, light enough to send a shiver down her spine. Her heart sings with the ghost of his touch.

“I wish I could stay here with you,” Ana mumbles, copying his own gesture, her fingers grazing over his beard, hovering down to his chest. “I wish I could feel you.”

A solemn smile crooks his mouth. “I’m always with you. With Alex. She is so beautiful, Ana.”

Bucky saying their daughter’s name fills a part of her soul. It’s the same sensation she had when she first held their baby girl. Ana can’t resist any longer, pressing her hand firmly against his chest. She longs for him. She needs him, just needs to feel his body beneath her palm, if only briefly. Bucky tilts his head down, forehead resting against hers.

“I love you,” Ana weeps softly, beginning to feel him dematerialize. 

Bucky cups her cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears staining her face. “Just because I’m not here, doesn’t mean my love for you has faded.”

She grips his vest desperately, praying, yearning to keep him together in front of her. With every passing second, his fingers become lighter, feathers dancing over her skin, her hand sinking into his chest. Ana quickly grabs his right wrist, turning her face to kiss his palm, dust settling on her tongue, grains caught in the imprints of her lips.

“Be careful, Annie Doll.” Bucky’s warning echoes distantly. His form dematerializing into the air. 

She can’t question what he means, too focused on attempting to breathe as ash fills her lungs. Bucky’s hand crumbles away. Her soul once again ripped from her body as her hand closes around nothing.

Waking with a shuddering gasp, Ana jerks upward, gripping the nearest thing with one hand, clutching at her chest with the other. Awareness comes quickly; her lashes and cheeks are wet, chest heaving, her fingers dig into the textured fabric of the couch. She takes her hand away before she can burn through another piece of furniture. Calming herself, she wipes her face dry, taking several deep breaths.

“Ana?” A concerned Steve hovers over her. His solid grip on her shoulder grounding her. “You alright? You with us?”

It takes her a second to answer him with a jerky nod. Keenly aware of all electronics flickering and buzzing around her, energy stinging her skin, she presses her hand to her chest, ceasing her powers. The air weighs heavily with loss, anxious anticipation, the fragile underline of hope. Emotional energy radiates from every person in the room. Tony doesn’t take his eyes off of her, brows furrowed, his eyes intensely attentive. 

“I-I-” She stutters through pants.

“Sad mama?” Alex’s little voice pipes up, a question she’s been asking much too frequently. As if the toddler can sense the emotions around her. She’s sliding off Natasha’s lap, hurrying over to Ana. “Don’t be sad.”

Gathering her daughter into her own lap, Ana gently reassures her, hugging her close, reveling in the feeling of serenity only her daughter can give. Alex seems to accept this, lounging back against her chest and fiddling with her wedding rings. Ana lifts her gaze to Steve’s, his own keen on her every expression.

“This has to work,” She stresses, not caring of the desperation in her tone. “It has too.”

Steve leans forward, eyes intense on hers. “It will.” Then his jaw shifts, muscles clenching. “Because I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t. But it will work.” He puts enough conviction in his voice to make Ana want to believe him. Believe in the possibility. 

“Well,” Bruce chirps after a stretch of heavy silence. He claps his large hands together, the sound echoing through the living room. Alex startles slightly. “Let’s get started then!”

All but Ana exit the living room. Hiding her face in her daughter’s hair briefly, another hand squeezes her shoulder firmly. When she lifts her head, Tony peers down at her, silent question in his dark eyes. Ana reaches up to pat the back of his hand, reassuring him.

*

While Tony tinkers with making Quantum suits and Bruce and Scott pour over their research notes on anything to do with Quantum Physics, Ana heads to the hangar several floors up. Alex skips happily behind her, softly singing Bucky’s lullaby.

“Are you sure you don’t want someone going with you? Steve at least?” Ana frowns once she’s sitting in the pilots seat of the Quinjet. She notices her daughter reaching for something on the control board. “Jamie Alexandra, what did I say about touching that?”

Alex snatches her hand back, sending her mother a cheesy smile, widening her blue eyes. God, she looks so much like Bucky when Ana would catch him eating out of the Nutella jar. Natasha locks her bag in a cupboard, then fondly ruffles the toddler's hair.

“This is something I have to do myself,” She replies, voice resigned. “I’m the only one who has any chance of convincing him.”

“Just...be careful.”

They lock eyes. Ana isn’t talking about Natasha protecting herself from physical harm, rather than protecting her heart and what she may find. Ana sees recognition dawn in her eyes. She dips her head in response. 

“He’s never judged me on my worst mistakes...or non mistakes. I’m not one to judge him either. He gave me a chance despite my past, this is his.”

Pushing her hand through her hair, Ana sighs, accepting her answer. “Let me know when you get back home. If it’s really bad, I can try to help.”

“Thanks, I will.” Natasha turns to Alex, picking her up from the copilot seat. “You little miss monster, stay out of trouble.” She pokes her belly making the little girl laugh.

“I go too?” Alex asks with her innocent voice.

“Next time,” Natasha promises, kissing her cheek. 

*

Following Natasha’s departure, the week brings moments Ana wasn’t quite prepared for. Though watching Alex run around in the grass, squealing and laughing as she chases after Nebula just minutes after she lands, fills her heart with joy. Rhodey and Tony have their own little reunion as Ana hangs back, relishing in a rare content moment.

Natasha successfully arrives back three days later with Clint in tow. Darkened, angry energy thickens the air, the sensation shoots through Ana’s bones the second she walks in the living room. It makes her knees weak, nearly giving out beneath her and when she meets Clint’s gaze, he dips his head in shame. When she recovers, Ana offers her help with the lift of her hands. The emotions rolling off him stings her fingertips.

“I don’t deserve your help,” Clint mutters brokenly.

“That’s what Bucky told me once,” Ana counters softly. 

“That was different.”

“Is it?” 

Clint huffs. “Don’t need to waste your powers on me, Feisty Cuffs.”

The old nickname makes her crack a smile. “Fine, will you allow a hug then?”

He relents. It results in Ana attempting to at least calm him, which makes him scoff before he playfully pushes her back onto the couch. When Clint officially meets Alex, his mood lifts significantly. When the little curious toddler begins to trace her fingers over the tattoos covering his entire left arm, Clint’s eyes soften with an all too familiar haunted gaze Ana recognizes.

Just one day later brings Bruce and Rocket back with Thor. His aura is worse than Clint’s, worse than anyone Ana has ever worked with; including Bucky. The god’s chaotic storm of energy and emotions leaves her breathless, overcomes her, and she frantically grabs Steve’s shirt to keep her upright as she falls. He’s quick to catch her, quick to take her from the room as she gasps.

Only an hour passes before she tries again with her rings on, greeting Thor with a spontaneous hug. He smells of sweat and stale beer, his long stringy hair and beard are unkempt, but Ana hugs him as tight as she can. When she pulls back, she cups her hands along his cheeks. His eyes- one blue, one gold- fill with tears, every ounce of his aura black, broken, guilt-ridden. Ana tentatively uses her ability, a slow morph of transmutation.

“They hate me,” Thor mumbles nearly inaudible. Ana is inches away from him and she has to strain her ears.

She offers him a gentle smile. “No one hates you, Thor.”

“You hate me.”

“Never.”

His bottom lip trembles before he tilts forward, face pressed against her shoulder. Ana hugs him like she did Clint, patting his back. A giggle echoes down the hallway, Alex appearing seconds later with Tony, her bunny clutched in her little hands. Smiling, Ana taps Thor harder.

“Would you like to meet my daughter?”

Without fail, Alex brightens Thor’s face with a genuine grin. She introduces her BunBun to him, chattering away and asking to braid his hair like her mama does with hers. Ana swells with adoration and pride, realizing that anyone who has the honor of being in her daughter’s presence always seems to cheer up, their energies turn lighter whether they’re sad or not. Vaguely she wonders if it’s just Alex and her cute happy demeanor, or if she had passed some of her own powers down to her child.

When Thor pretends to fall back from a fake self-inflicted punch from the bunny, Alex laughs uncontrollably, little crinkles forming by her bright blue eyes. Ana doesn’t focus on the possibility of what her daughter may have inherited from her or Bucky, just enjoys the sight of her little girl doing more for this makeshift family than she will ever know.

*

Tony, Rocket, Nebula and Bruce work tirelessly on building a Quantum Tunnel during the next few days. It’s a time machine and Ana insists on calling it an advanced dolorian much to Tony’s annoyance and Steve’s amusement. Halfway through the building process, Alex wonders in, her childish curiosity taking over as she plops down right next to Tony. Ana finally catches up with her daughter, halting in her steps.

Tony hands Alex a wrench, helping the little girl lift the heavy tool. He proceeds to teach her how to tighten a few bolts, chatting with her as if she’s a grown adult, the toddler nodding along as if she understands. Steve watches the scene a few feet in front of him, meeting Ana’s gaze before he makes his way over to her.

“Ya know, Bucky loved science and technology,” Steve states, a distant gleam in his blue eyes. He suddenly chuckles. “He was kind of a nerd.”

A pang clenches through her heart, but Ana chooses to make this moment a happy one. “Yes he was,” She laughs. “It’s one of the main reasons he loved living in Wakanda.”

“She’s smart, Alex is. Really smart for her age.”

“I think she has more Bucky in her than me.”

Steve must pick up on the slight waver in her tone, for he wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders. “You ready for this?”

Sighing, Ana briefly rests her head against his chest. “I’m trying really hard not to get my hopes up, but yes. I am so ready for this.”

*

Clint offers to be the time traveling guinea pig after Scott nearly panics about doing it himself. The test run goes smoothly and the utter disbelief yet joyous expression on Clint’s face leaves every single one of them more optimistic than before. Ana feels the collective energy pick up, the grueling heartbreak, guilt, loneliness, the darkness that had a gravity which weighed them down is beginning to dissipate. It’s fragile, hope is fragile and one wrong move could snatch it all away, destroying any chance of bringing their loved ones back.

It’s what brings on a six hour brainstorming session the next day. Ana sits back against the wall of the conference room after she put Alex down for a nap. Being one of the only people, besides Scott, not to have some encounter with any of the stones, she decides to stay out of the conversation. Bruce reminds them of the limited Pym particles and how crucial each roundtrip is.

Nebula makes brief eye contact with her. Ana frowns at the meaningful look, until she abruptly remembers her fingers grazing over one of the stones on that damn gauntlet. Shaking her head subtly, Nebula looks away, focusing on Thor’s sorrowful rambling about the Reality Stone, or the Aether as Steve called it.

Tuning them out, Ana bites her lip, nervously tracing her collarbones with her fingers. She still has trouble recalling which stone she touched, if she did in fact touch it at all. Maybe it was her imagination and she has just been trying to justify where her dreams are coming from. 

After Thor’s wobbly retelling of the Aether, and Rocket’s entire story of the Power stone on Morag and how he and the Guardians saved the galaxy from potentially being destroyed, Ana offers to order lunch. Really, she just needed a break from the stories and her own jumbled thoughts.

Once they finish eating, FRIDAY alerts Ana of a stirring toddler beginning to wake, when Nebula states her knowledge of the Soul stone. She mentions the planet named Vormir, just as Ana pushes herself off the chair she was lounging in.

“What is Vormir?” Natasha inquires, writing furiously in the notebook she hasn’t put down since they started.

“A dominion death,” Nebula answers ominously. “At the very center of celestial existence...it’s where Thanos murdered my sister, Gamora.”

Ana freezes midstep. That name, why does that name sound so familiar? A brief image of a little girl with beautiful green skin and markings around her cheeks abruptly flashes through her mind. Gamora. Gamora . Slowly she turns, facing Nebula. 

“What?” Her voice comes out hushed. Nebula has never mentioned her sister before by name. “What was her name?”

“Gamora.”

“Oh my god,” Ana exhales, reaching out to grab the door frame for support. “Oh, my god, holy fuck.”

“What? What is it?” Clint sits up, eyes darting between the two women. “Did you know her?”

She fish mouths several times, trying to make sense of the connection she just put together. It couldn’t be. How is that possible? Ana shakes her head in disbelief, remembering that horrid day in Wakanda once more.

“My-my dreams…” Ana begins breathlessly, her heart racing. “I-I touched a stone. Nebula, the stone I touched...I think it was- oh my god . I think it was the Soul Stone.”

Nebulas tenses. “Are you positive it was-”

“Wait,” Steve interrupts. “You touched a stone!? When did you touch a stone?”

Ana glances at him. “In Wakanda...after you got hit. I tried attacking Thanos. I tried pulling his life energy out but he was about to use the stones on me. I-I grabbed the gauntlet, attempted to take the energy from the stones instead and my hand slipped. I stole energy from the Soul Stone !”

“Pause, think about this,” Tony cuts in, rubbing his temple. “How can you be sure?”

“My dreams!” Ana explains exasperated. Tony raises his eyebrows, confusion coloring his face. Right, he doesn’t know about her dreams. She sighs heavily, moving to sit in the same chair again.

“I’ve been having these dreams for the past three years,” She informs him. “They’re not normal dreams, it feels real, always feels so real, as if I’m actually there. Usually it’s the same with an orange sky, like a sunset. I wake up in a pond of water but I’m never wet. I always see this little girl before I-” Ana clears her throat, pressing her hand to her chest. “Before I see Bucky. I see him every time and every time I try to touch him he just...he fades into ash.”

Ana’s hands are trembling and she’s grateful she’s sitting down, for her legs feel like jello. “But, I see this little girl, this child right before then. I kept asking who she was, where we were. All she told me was that she was trapped. Until the night Alex was born.”

“You nearly died,” Natasha whispers, eyes wide as she remembers. “Your heart stopped.”

“I think that’s when it happened,” Ana continues. “When I passed out, I was back in that world. Like I was physically there! I spoke with her again, she said her name was Gamora. And Bucky. I- I could touch him. I was able to touch him without him instantly crumbling. That hadn’t happened before. He told me-”

She tilts her head, mind falling back into the memory, the feel of Bucky’s cool touch lingering on her cheek. The warmth of his lips pressing against hers. She shakes her head. “He told me it wasn’t my world, and he knew Alex was a girl before I did. I touched Gamora, I touched Bucky. He knew...they both knew.”

Blinking herself back, Ana meets Nebula’s shocked face. “Oh, my god, it’s real. That place, that world. It’s real. I think it’s some sort of Soul World. Call me fucking crazy, but I think maybe their souls are trapped .”

“You’re right,” Rocket pipes up after a long stretch of stunned silence. “It does sound fucking crazy. But, not impossible?”

“I’m with build-a-bear on this one,” Tony inputs. He’s been staring intently at her since she started talking. “You have to be absolutely sure about this, kid.”

“I am, Tony! Hear me out,” Ana urges. “Before Bucky and I got married, I connected our energies. Basically, I connected our soul energies. I touched the Soul stone, which I’m assuming I contracted some amount of that energy as well. Nebula, you said Thanos-

“He killed my sister there.”

She dips her head in sympathy for Nebula. “It makes sense...her soul being trapped within it. It makes sense why I keep seeing Bucky there, because to do what he did, Thanos would need to take away souls as well with the stone. Every stone had its own purpose.”

“Call me crazy too, but what you’re saying makes sense,” Clint shrugs. He looks up at Steve, who nods in confirmation.

“So, what does it all mean?” Scott questions, scratching his head.

“Mrs. Barnes,” FRIDAY’s voice cuts through the room. “Your daughter is now wide awake. As I have sensed the importance of your meeting, I have opted to play her favorite movie for now. She is currently content to view it safely on your bed.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY, I’ll be right there,” Ana responds, rubbing her eyes. She stands up, steadying herself to make sure her legs have stopped shaking. “It means, Scott, I think you’re right about this time heist. I think this might actually, truly work. Their souls are trapped and if we can reserve it-”

“You can’t just bring a body back, it’s soul needs to be brought back too,” Bruce adds on, excitement in his voice.

“Exactly! I hope...but yes,” Ana says. “We can talk about this later. I have to get Alex before she decides to get into the nutella jar by herself.”

Ana makes it to her room before she allows herself a moment to breathe. Resting her forehead against her door, she counts her breathing, attempting to settle her heart, attempting to tamper down her building hope. Because if she hopes too much and reversing what Thanos did doesn’t work, it will crush her. She doesn’t think she’ll survive a second round of failure.

*

The brainstorming session finally comes to an end, everyone exhausted by dinner time. Too tired to cook, Tony orders pizza. Alex is giggling uncontrollably as she tries stealing one of Thor’s pieces while he dramatically catches her doing it. Ana has barely touched her food, her mind reeling over the revelation she had earlier. 

Had she been dreaming of a Soul World this whole time? Was that what the door was for? The entrance of said world, but then why was Gamroa not on the other side? Did Ana truly die for a few moments the night of her daughter’s birth? Had she entered that world, and that’s why she could physically touch Bucky? Was that why Bucky was so adamant about her leaving?

“I fear you may be here permanently if you don’t leave soon.”

Did he mean the longer she stayed, the closer to death she really was? Her soul has been reaching out to his for the past three years. Bucky had been calling her name from that world for three years. Bucky’s soul has been watching over her from that world.

“You upset about my choice of pizza? I’m offended.” Tony’s voice pulls Ana out of her head. He sits next to her, purposely pressing the side of his body to hers. 

“Hmm?”

“You haven’t touched your food.”

“Oh. I’m not very hungry,” She shrugs.

Tony appraises her, peering over the top of his glasses. “You’ve always been more powerful than you let on.”

“Pulling energy from an Infinity Stone doesn’t mean I’m powerful to begin with.”

“The fact that you were able to touch a stone without it killing you says the opposite. But I was talking about soul connecting.”

Picking the label off her beer bottle, Ana shrugs. “Bucky and I were connected long before that.”

“You’re downplaying your abilities, you have been for years, Ana. You don’t think I kept tabs on your energy readings since your brother’s funeral? The power knocked out within a ten mile radius. FRIDAY alerted me three years ago of an incident, your readings were off the charts, nearly reaching Thor’s level. Scarred the lawn I see.”

A sickening curl wraps around her stomach at the mention of her brother. Ana pushes her plate away further. Tony keeping up on her ability levels wasn’t a secret, the fact that he knew about her outburst was though; Pepper or Steve must have told him how it happened. Tearing off the beer label, she crumbles it, dropping it on the table.

“I don’t believe that,” Ana scoffs. She takes a long swig of her beer just to avoid the intensity in his eyes.

Tony hums, picking up her discarding pizza. “Regardless, I think you always had connections with soul energy, being an Empathic Energy Alchemist and all. Touching an Infinity Stone amped it up by thousands, connected you to a world on a different existential plane. It’s solid proof, and I gotta tell you, hearing that makes me feel better.”

“What?” She blinks at him as he takes a big bite. “Tony-”

He holds a finger up while he finishes chewing. Ana glares until he’s done, then steals her beer to take a drink. “I know the time heist will work, your confession only solidified it.”

“Glad to be a help, I guess.” She deadpans, snatching the bottle back.

His expression abruptly turns serious, lowering his head closer to hers. “You listen to me, kid. I know exactly how powerful you are. I’ve known you for 14 years. I know, I’ve seen how deeply emotions and energy affects you, it either debilitates you or you dangerously absorb it. When this happens, if this works and we bring everyone we lost back, it will affect you. I need you to be prepared. I need you to be ready to feel the world. You have to be prepared to, not just feel Barnes coming back, but everyone.”

The severity of Tony’s tone, the way his gaze vehemently holds hers, causes Ana to read between his lines.

“Tony,” Ana begins gravely. “Are you implying I could get hurt?”

“I’m simply warning you to be careful. I can’t predict if something bad will happen or not, but if it does, I’m asking you to prepare yourself. Don’t hold anything back, but please don’t take on that energy if it’s too much for us to handle.”

“Too much to handle?”

“According to the Jolly Green Giant over there, the stones have enough gamma radiation to light up a continent. I’m more worried about what that could potentially do to you. Reversing what Thanos did won’t be a success if I lose you in the process.”

His words mull over her brain for several seconds. “Are you asking me not to help?”

He hesitates. Tony takes off his glasses with a forlorn sigh. It’s in that moment Ana sees how the stress of the past weeks affected him, how exhausted he truly is. How his anxiety is barely rolling off him, tampering his own emotions down for her sake. Ana places her hand on his shoulder. 

Tony sighs again before he answers, cupping her cheek. “Yes, I am. Just worry about yourself, for your daughter’s sake.”

Ana moves her attention away from his face, spotting Alex sitting next to Steve at the table. The two year old is attempting to eat a full slice, holding the pizza up and making a mess of herself, tomato sauce staining her little cheeks. Alex rips off a bite, chewing triumphantly and allows Steve to help her put the slice back on her plate. He’s trying not to laugh, due to the fighting grin on his face as he hands over her sippy cup. Ana’s whole world is in the bright blue eyes of her little girl.

“Okay,” She agrees belatedly, eyes sliding back to Tony. “Okay. I promise I won’t actively try to help.”

“And there is it, that stubbornness I’ve missed so much” He quips, dropping his hand and knocking hers off his shoulder. “And don’t think I didn’t know what you were doing just now either. That’s what I’m talking about.”

Laughing, Ana defends herself. “I honestly wasn’t trying to. You don’t hide your anxiety from me as well as you think you do. I can’t help it if I try to calm you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Eat your dinner, pain in my ass.” He ruffles her hair as he stands.

“Favorite pain in your ass, you mean.”

Tony steals her beer in retaliation.

*

It’s a Friday morning when the team walks in the hangar wearing the Quantum suits Tony made. Ana had been fussing with Alex’s hair the entire time everyone else got dressed, trying to quell her anxiety. Today is the day the Time Heist will be executed, hopefully without flaw. Keeping her fingers busy as she braids her daughter’s hair helped, just barely.

Upon agreement not to help where she didn’t have to, much to Ana’s displeasure, she’s chosen to stay behind. Bruce went over the panel system for the portal with her the day before, and runs through it one more time. The system is synced up to their time travel watches; all Ana has to do is press a button to activate it. She’s connected to their coms in case of an emergency and has to pull anyone back before their two minutes are up.

Natasha comes over to pick Alex up, complimenting her hair. “Look at this pretty braid! Did you do that to match your Auntie Nat?”

Alex nods enthusiastically. “Mommy did it!”

“Your mother did mine too,” Natasha pulls her French braid over her shoulder, touching the tail end of it to Alex’s braid. 

“Yeah, after you couldn’t make up your mind,” Ana laughs. “I was halfway through pigtails.”

“When have I ever worn pigtails?” She scoffs.

“You asked for them!”

Natasha winks in good measure, hip checking Ana. She fondly rolls her eyes, handing Nat the time watch from the case Tony kept them in. 

“I wanna go.” Alex pouts, pulling Nat’s face and attention back on her.

“You gotta stay here this time, little monster. But I’ll be right back and I promise I’ll play with you.”  

“Otay,” The little girl sighs sadly. Natasha boops her on the nose then kisses her cheek. “Auntie Nebla!”

Alex launches herself into Nebula’s arm as she passes by, the woman with reflexes quicker than Steve’s catches her. Ana breathes a sigh of relief, shaking her head as she looks up. Your daughter, Bucky , she thinks. She swears she hears a phantom chuckle.

“I wish she’d stop doing that,” Ana groans.

“Takes after her father. I hear super soldiers like jumping off things,” Natasha teases.

“Ha, ha, funny,” Steve shoots at her as he makes his way over.

“Be careful, both you of,” Ana pleads, pulling Nat in for a hug. “You and Clint watch each other’s backs, got it?”

“We always do,” Natasha squeezes her tightly before letting go. “It’ll be the quickest two minutes ever.”

“Tash, lets sync up,” Clint says, pulling her away, not before handing the pot of coffee from the kitchen to Ana and winks.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with an empty pot, Barton!?” She calls after them.

“Fill it for when I get back!”

“I swear, this group of people.”

Steve shrugs, a smile teasing his lips briefly. “Hey, I know you’re nervous, but it’ll be quick on this side. We know what to do.”

“I know you do,” Ana responds, reaching out for his hand and squeezing. “Doesn't mean you can’t be extra cautious.”

He nods, returning a tight grip before taking his own watch from her. Ana passes the rest out to the team, each bidding a short “see ya later”. Nebula reluctantly hands Alex back, tenderly smoothing back any frizzled hair.

“We’ll be back shortly,” Nebula states, her eyes gleaming with guilt. “Then we can undo what my father has done. I hope assisting in this will be the greatest achievement I’ve done.”

“I have no doubts.” Ana expresses firmly.

“Alright, chop chop, we’re literally on a time crunch,” Tony snarks, pushing Nebula along.

“Rude,” Ana snips, knocking his hand away when he tries to ruffle her head. 

Tony smirks then beckons her onto the platform with them. Taking Alex with her, Ana climbs the few steps, standing between Thor and Scott. The antsy, nervousness of their mission settles over her, making Ana roll her shoulders to release the tension in her muscles. Alex gently pats her hand on her mother’s cheeks. 

Meeting his eyes across the circle, Tony nods at Ana. He puts his hand forward, curling his fingers into a fist, shrugs one shoulder. Steve follows, as does the rest of the team, watches all matching up to their jump points. Thor nudges Ana, shooting her a goofy smile as he grabs her arm. Taking the hint, she puts her own fist in front of her. Alex suddenly leans forward, trying to mimic them, causing a round of soft chuckles. All at once, they drop their arms back to their sides.

“Three years ago we lost,” Steve speaks up, determination laced in his tone. “All of us. We lost friends, we lost family, loved ones. We lost a part of ourselves. Today we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each, no mistakes no do overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn’t mean you should know what to expect. Be careful, look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives and we’re going to win.” He suddenly meets Ana’s gaze, tilts his head down slightly, before looking over at Tony. “Whatever it takes. Good luck.”

Ana has to take a deep breath to settle her nerves, her palms sweating and she has to readjust Alex in her arms. The toddler waves, earning ones in return, even cracking a few smiles on otherwise stern faces. Rocket offers his fist to the little girl, who eagerly bumps her fist against his. Ana steps off and in front of the control panel. This is happening.

“Ready?” She checks, scanning the dials for the fifth time in front of her. “On my count. In three, two-” She swears a collective steady inhale happens right before.

“See ya in a minute,” Natasha quips with her charming smile. 

“One.”

Ana nearly slams her hand on the button. The machine moves and shifts panels into place, helmets of everyone’s suits coming up to protect them. The panels rotate before spanning out and with a quick flash, they’re gone.

“Magic!” Alex giggles, clapping her hands.

If it weren’t for her excitable daughter, Ana would be crippled with worry. Instead, she claps with her, keeping her eye on the timer. Longest two minutes of her entire life. 

She puts Alex down, shaking out her arms and wiping her hands on her jeans. No words come through her ear piece, which Ana takes as a good sign. She keeps her daughter entertained for the next minute and a half by pretending to search for her stuffed bunny, checking under the panel desk and her own shoe. Finally, only thirty seconds remain.

“Hey, little Bean, want to see your aunties and uncles come back?” Ana questions airily, keeping her tone happy.

“Yes!” Alex shouts, almost running up to the platform. Ana halts her.

“Wait! You have to stay right here, okay? Where it’s safe.”

She nods, moving back to the spot Ana points to, right next to the control panel. Alex bounces on her toes, eagerly anticipating the return of the team by her form of “magic”. Moving back to the panel, Ana hovers her hand over the return button, eyes keen as the seconds tick down. When five seconds hit, she inhales deeply, hoping everyone succeeds. 

3...2...1.

The moment she hits the button, everyone reappears, some staggering behind a split second behind. The panels rotate with their arrival, relief weighing in Ana’s bones. Alex holds up her arms, a silent plea to be picked up and brought to the platform. Ana is about to do just that, when an ominous energy makes her tense. This new feeling, it’s foreign, dangerous, threatening. She quickly scans the platform, her eyes halting on Nebula.

Then, a heart wrenching grief twists sharply throughout her body, punching through her gut. Ana presses her hands against her chest. Shivers run her blood cold, the feeling eerily familiar to the day everyone vanished.

“Mama?” Alex whines softly, tilting her head. Ana clumsily pats her little cheek, her eyes moving from Nebula to the empty space next to Clint. Her heart skips a beat.

“Did we get them all?” Bruce questions hurriedly.

Rhodes holds up a silver orb. “Are you telling me this actually worked?” He sounds ecstatic.

Clint drops to his knees, head tucked to his chest, fists clenched and shaking. Ana cautiously moves forward, hands trembling. The air of loss stings her skin, and she understands, she figured it out, but she can’t voice it just yet. She needs confirmation; maybe, just maybe Natasha is running behind.

“Clint,” Ana chokes outs. “W-where’s Nat?”

The haunted, broken look in his eyes as he slowly meets her gaze, the tears staining his face, is all the answer needed. He looks to Steve then, failure pouring from his body despite the stone clutched in his hand.

*

Clear blue skies mock the heaviness in the air. A gentle breeze brushes over Ana’s skin though she hardly feels it. Her mind is oddly blank while she peers over the lake, sitting on the edge of the dock, fingers digging into the wood. The numbness beginning at her fingertip snakes its way deep into her chest.

Natasha is gone. Her best friend is gone. Her friend who always felt more like her sister, gone. Natasha had just been standing on that platform. Her trademark little smirk and excitement in her green eyes, and two minutes later, she was gone. The spot where she should have returned empty, cold. She had just been there .

“Do we know if she had any family?” Tony inquires solemnly.

Steve clears his throat. “Yeah,” his voice cracks. “Us.”

It didn’t take long for Ana to gently coax Clint off the platform, leading him back through the compound. He hadn’t said a word since returning, not after they changed out of their tactile clothes, not when Ana attempted to offer him a glass of water. Didn’t acknowledge a single one of them until he stood and made his way to the docks in the back. Bruce went after him, quickly followed by Steve, Ana, Tony and Thor. Now, she swallows thickly at Steve’s answer, gritting her teeth as her eyes begin to prickle. Her body still feels numb.

“What was that?” Thor demands behind her. 

“I just asked him a question.” Tony replies, a hard edge to his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re acting like she’s dead,” Thor rambles. “Why are you acting like she’s dead? We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones we can get her back, right Cap? So stop this shit! We’re the fucking Avengers, get it together!”

Ana dips her head as the voices grow louder behind her.

“We can’t get her back,” Clint finally breaks his grieving silence. “It can’t be undone. It can’t.”

Thor chuckles humorlessly. “No offense, but you are a very earthly being. This is space magic we’re talking about.”

“I know I’m out way outside of my pay grade here, but she’s still not here is she!?”

“That’s my point!”

“It can’t be undone.” Clint reiterates. “Or, that’s at least what the red floating guy had to say. Okay, so maybe you should go talk to him! Go grab your hammer and you go fly and talk to him!”

The painful guttural in his voice makes Ana flinch, a tear escaping as she looks over her shoulder. Clint catches her gaze, his own eyes dry now, but the guilt, the heartbreak shines through.

“It was supposed to me.” He chokes out, turning away. “She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone, she bet her life on it!”

Bruce suddenly rips a bench from it’s bolts off the dock, aggressively throwing it across the lake. Ana watches land on the other side of the bank. Her fingers curled around the dock glow dimly, the wood singes for a moment before she reels in her powers. Flexing her fingers, the glow fades.

“She’s not coming back,” Bruce states. “We have to make it worth it. We have too.”

“We will.” Steve promises.

The quiet that stretches between them is long, heavy, fragile. Ana finally stands at one point, finally gathering Clint against her for a hug. He reluctantly returns it, face hidden in her hair. She reaches her hand out to Thor, transferring a bit of her own energy to him, whatever positivity she can scrape from the bottom of her own metaphorical barrel despite her own heart shattering with the death of Natasha.

“You know,” She tentatively speaks up. “Alex has been wanting to play with your hair.” She tells Thor. “I bet if you go back in and ask she’d be delighted.”

Sniffing, he offers a watery smile. “I shall do that then.”

Clint detangles himself from Ana’s arms, cupping both sides of her face. He tenderly kisses her forehead, lingering for a split second; conveying his brokenness, his grief, his guilt, his gratitude in knowing what she was subtly attempting to do.

“Don’t go wasting your energy on me now, you hear me?” He murmurs, his green-blue eyes boring into hers. “Take care of yourself, don’t worry about us.”

Frowning, Ana remains silent. Arguing against it would result in defeat. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Another tear catches in his eyelashes before escaping. Clint drops his hand and follows behind Thor without another word. Tony silently checks on her, Ana falling into a tight hug against his chest when he opens his arms. They hold onto each other longer than necessary, silent tears soak into his shirt as her body trembles.

“Steve?” Ana whispers, after she and Tony broke apart.

Immediately he shakes his head, dropping his face in his hands, a broken sob muffled in his palms. Ana rubs his back in soothing circles, the only comfort she can offer him for now. A big, warm hand settles carefully on her shoulder, her hand lifting to rest against Bruce’s knuckles. When she peers up at him, he jerks his head toward the compound, a nonverbal sign to allow Steve some alone time.

She agrees, but not before affectionately brushing back a stray piece of Steve’s hair, and gently patting the top of his head. He catches her elbow in a soft squeeze and turns. Ana opens her arms before he leans into her briefly, giving her a quick sort of hug. The bruise on his cheek has darkened, standing stark against his tears. She releases him, offering a rueful half smile before she walks away.

*

They’re back in the conference room two hours later, everyone minus Thor, Clint and Nebula. Heads are either hidden in folded arms on the desks or tilting back against the chairs. Ana has opted to wear her rings to stabilize the turmoil of energy surrounding her, especially after Alex kept asking where her auntie Nat was. 

Having to explain to the toddler that her favorite person had died nearly broke Ana. Her daughter is a curious little thing, oddly attentive and smart for her age. Alex began asking where Bucky was not too long ago, leaving her mother to say that her father had always been watching over her, gone but never forgotten. In a place they couldn’t reach. Ana tried going along those lines of explaining Natasha’s absence, and how she wouldn’t be coming back.

“But, she pwomised to play with me,” Her little sad voice with her pouting lips made Ana tear up.

“I know, baby girl,” Ana had consoled, gently kissing her forehead. “I know, Jamie. I’m so sorry, love.”

Not even twenty minutes later, Alex asked again. Tony had stepped in to help Ana, breaking it down in a simpler manner. Later he told her he had to explain to Morgan when she was three why the little field mouse she always fed had suddenly died. Ana was grateful for the help and another parental experience.

True to her word earlier, Alex had been distracted by Thor offering his hair up for play. The odd thing was right before that, when the little girl ran past Nebula, she flinched, backed away and ran to Rhodes. Another strange incident occurred before they gathered in the conference room; Alex had refused to be held by the other woman.

The weird moments she mulls over get interrupted in her mind when she abruptly recalls what Steve had said on the dock in response to Bruce.

“How?” Ana whispers. 

“How what?” Tony counters picking his head up. His eyes are bloodshot.

Whoops. She didn’t mean to say that out loud, but since she did she continues.

“How are we going to make it worth it?” She clarifies. “You guys lost the tesseract. You just said that earlier, and your trip to the 70’s was a bust. How do we make sure Nat didn’t die for nothing if we can’t even figure out another place to get the Space Stone?”

The quick look shared between Steve and Tony does not go unnoticed by her.

“I grabbed enough Pym particles for a roundtrip for two, but that’s it. Wherever it is would be the final chance to retrieve it. Absolutely no room for mistakes.”

The snark of Steve saying that the first time and failing dies on her tongue. Instead, Ana huffs, narrowing her eyes. She stands, moving closer to the screen projecting where the stones have been spotted in their timeline. 

“Well, anyone have any ideas then?”

Steve heaves a weighted sigh behind her. “Italy.”

The second the word reluctantly leaves his mouth is when it clicks in her brain. Italy. Italy. Azzano, Italy.

“194-”

“I’m going.” Ana demands, spinning around just as Steve finishes the year.

“-Three. No.”

“I. Am. Going.”

“Absolutely not.” Both Steve and Tony refuse.

She shoots Tony a heated glare before focusing back on Steve. “Funny, because the way I see it, you both failed at getting the Space Stone, twice. I have yet to give it a try-”

“It’s too dangerous!” Steve snaps, slicing his hand through the air as he stands. “This is World War Two territory, Ana. Not some-”

“Choose your words very carefully, Cap .” Ana seethes, stepping closer. “You don’t think I know the possibility of what might happen, of who I might run into? I know the risks. Fuck dangerous. This is bigger than that!”

The flaring of his nostrils, the clench of his jaw, the hands on his hips, Steve is livid. The energy of his emotions radiates off his skin, a turmoil of fear, logic and anger. He exhales slowly.

“Think about Alex,” Steve attempts, his tone forcibly calm.

“I am !” Ana retaliates fiercely. “I always am. This is too big of an opportunity. We have the chance to bring him- to bring everyone back, and cowering in fear from that time frame isn’t going to do that. Now-” She stabs a finger in his chest. “ You aren’t going alone. You need help. I am going.”

Silence settles with tension between them. Steve looks helpless, but admits defeat by hanging his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“She’s got a point,” Rocket supplies. “Fresh pair of eyes. Powers would be useful in a tight situation.”

Ana preens with a saccharine smile.

“Fine.” Steve grumbles. “Tony, how quickly can you make her a suit?”

Tony puckers his lips like he’s sucking on something sour. This was probably exactly what he meant when he was asking Ana not to help or put herself in a situation she shouldn’t. He narrows his eyes at her before breaking his stern expression and huffing a laugh. 

“Already made.”

“Perfect!” Ana claps her hands once. “It’s settled. Italy, 1943.”

*******************************************************************************************

AN: Again, sorry for the wait. I struggled so hard writing this chapter, but i am very excited for the next chapter, which I promise will be updated much sooner. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for reading and thank you for your patience! Sorry I suck. Also, if you’re American.... VOTE ON NOVEMBER 3RD. Vote. Vote. Vote. Drabbles: Twenty-Six      Drabbles: Twenty-Eight 

Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner @buckyland @stressedasalways @watchoutforfrostbite @justreadingfics @keldachick @eurynome827 @elatedmarvel @shesalatesh @paintedgreywriting @buckaroo-blue @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin @crushedbyhyperbole @jaxthebookworm @gamorazenn @happinessisaloadedgun @je-suis-prest-rachel @thiccstuxky​

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 26

We’re In the End Game Now

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Slight grief. Apologizes 

Words: 12,236 

A/N: (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​​​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me. (gif not mine) PS. I snuck a Hamilton lyric in here

One month later finds Ana sitting on the couch, watching while Alex is content to scoot herself around in an army crawl with a toy in her hand, when Carol hops over. She scoops up the little girl, spinning her in the air and making her giggle uncontrollably, before she plops down next to Ana.

Immediately, Ana knows something is up, as the other woman presses the side of her body to hers, and can feel the reluctance radiating off of her. Alex babbles and drools happily in her lap after Carol hands her a teething toy. She glances at Ana with an awkward expression.

“I get the feeling whatever you’re about to say isn’t going to be good.” Ana notes tautly, narrowing her eyes.

“Depends on your definition,” Carol replies. “Helping others is good. Missing me? Not good.”

“Who says I’ll miss you?”

Carol sticks her tongue out. Ana returns the gesture but can’t contain her grin afterwards. She turns her attention to the goat sock halfway off her daughter’s foot, fixing it in place. Carol turns the baby around after that, pulling her up to help her stand on wobbly legs as she bounces.

“So, you’re leaving again.” Ana sighs.

“There’s been more odd and unnatural blips on my radar from other planets,” Carol informs, she keeps a smile on her face for the baby’s sake. “Unfortunately they don’t have the teams like the Avengers to help them. Which is where I come in.”

“Still?”

“Yeah. I got a message from the Skrulls requesting my help. From there, I’ll check out other planets.“ Carol then meets her eyes. “I’ll be gone for a while.”

Slumping down into the cushions, Ana tilts her head to lean against Carol’s shoulder. Alex tips forward, reaching for her mother’s nose, somehow always sensing when she’s off. Scrunching her nose makes her daughter smile, she continues bouncing.

“I understand,” She exhales warily. “I will miss you though. You’re the only one who calms my energy.”

Carol hums. “I don’t foresee another outburst from you, if I’m honest. Sure, I felt a few surges here and there, but ever since Blond Dumbass moved out, you seem to have settled.”

“That’s not because Steve left, it’s because I started going to therapy groups twice a week.” Ana remarks kindly.

“Still a dumbass,” She deadpans. 

Ana snorts.

“Natasha has the pager, but I made you one too, in case you need me for anything. We can research more about this connection between you two. It could just be a stronger bond between mother and daughter, considering your powers.”

“I guess,” Ana relents with a shrug. “It’s gotten a little better. When are you leaving?”

“In three days. I’m going to use this time to soak in all the cuddles from this little one. Isn’t that right Sergeant Smiles?”

Carol lifts Alex in the air again, makes funny noises with her mouth, before she lowers her to nuzzle her head against her belly, making high pitched noises. Ana’s lips spread into a wide smile, listening to her daughter’s bubbly laughter that scrunches her whole face.

It’s not long after Carol leaves that Rhodey follows, following a lead on another horrific gang slaughter. Ana catches Natasha in deep thought later that day, her energy thick enough to fill the entire office space.

Leaving Alex in the care of Rocket and Nebula, with some effort to make herself step away, she finally demands Natasha to tell her what’s happening. If those notes Ana saw before have anything to do with Rhodey leaving. If the lead is in fact, Clint Barton gone rogue. 

A file is shown, the information inside makes Ana’s knees weak, staggering back into the chair. Clint had lost his entire family after the snap, all evidence pointing to him having turned over a bloodstained murderous leaf.

“I can’t track him,” Natasha informs her, her tone haunted. “We’ve always been two steps behind since I figured out it was him. The horrible thing is, I don’t think I want to find him.”

Flurries of questions fly around Ana’s head, though she pushes them away to get up and gather a clearly upset Nat in her arms. She snaps the file shut, and pushes it off the desk as the first sob breaks past Natasha’s lips.

Five Months Later:

The time came to baby proof the compound as much as possible once Alex began crawling and reaching for anything she could. Especially after she got a hold of the drive spring from Bucky’s rifle that Rocket had been cleaning. Ana nearly skinned him alive for deciding to clean a gun- unloaded but still- in the presence of a baby. Though as Ana tightened the last baby gate, she sat back wishing her baby girl wasn’t growing up so fast.

Slowly, while Alex continues to grow and develop, Ana has begun to heal a small bit of herself. The pain is still immutable, it’s hard to breath some days, and some nights leave Ana waking up in tears. Her daughter though, with her sunshine smile and sparkling blue eyes is one of the only things that helps her get by everyday.

At 11 months old, Alex utters her first word on a rather bad day for Ana. She had woken from the same dream she hadn’t had for a month, and the rest of the day had the connection between her and her daughter just as strong as that first day. When Ana absolutely had to leave her in Natasha’s keen watch, Alex cried.

“Ma, ma, ma, mama!”

She had come running into the room the second she heard it, Natasha smiling brightly at her. Ana gathered her baby in her arms, comforting her and kissing her all over her cheeks. Pride and happiness blooming through her chest had overcome the breaking of the connection.

Just two days later, when the littlest Barnes girl was close to sleep, Bucky’s lullaby soothing her, Alex utters her second word.

“Da.”

Half awake, Ana hums, patting her bottom as she rocks her in the chair. The word settles in her ears, slowly registering in her brain. Her eyes fly open, staring down at Alex, pointing to the projection of Bucky’s beautiful face.

“Did you just-?” Ana trails off in shock. 

For the past two months she had been pointing to the screen every time it played, telling her daughter the man on the screen was her dad. She figured Alex wouldn’t actually understand it at her age or even make the connection.

Her curious, blue eyes flicker up at her mother, the tiny little spots of brown more defined within the fibers. The little indent in her chin has turned into a prominent dimple, and whenever she laughs, a wrinkle forms by each eye. Alex is looking more and more like her father, and her developing, charming personality breaks Ana’s heart in every good and bad way. She sees Bucky’s in their daughter’s eyes everyday.

“Y-yeah, baby girl,” Ana chokes with tears in her eyes, pointing as well. “That’s dada.”

Alex moves her focus back to the screen. “Da...da.”

“That’s right, Alex. Oh my sweet little bean.” Ana leans down to kiss her head. “That’s your daddy. The best man I’ve ever known.”

Snuggling deeper in her arms, Alex finally succumbs to sleep, Bucky’s singing calling her to dreams.

***

Coming home from group therapy sessions usually drains Ana, always ready to take Alex and head to bed each time. Her abilities just mean she’s able to feel the weight  of emotions and people’s energies in the room. Sometimes it doesn’t affect her, but on the heavy days it leaves a dark cloud hovering over her; a thunderhead of grief and pain soaking her bones.

Ana is sort of thankful that the effects of the super soldier serum while she was pregnant wasn’t permanent. Otherwise she’d be more oversensitive than she already was. The group leader on occasions, would pull her aside offering one on one time instead, in case the atmosphere got too much for her senses.

This time, as she drags her feet through the door, empty cardboard cup of coffee in her hand, she’s determined to find Natasha. She stops in the kitchen for supplies first, then heads off in the direction of giggling and music.

She finds Nat and Alex in the spy’s room, a kid’s movie playing on her TV. It looks like Natasha had just finished dancing with Alex, a delighted grin brightening her little face. When she spots Ana she nearly throws herself out of the woman’s arms in her attempt to greet her mom.

Once safely on the floor, Alex wobbles as she stands, then falls onto her hands and hurriedly crawls over until Ana scoops her up with one arm. She kisses her daughter hello, then holds up the wine bottle she grabbed.

“Rough session?” Natasha guesses, hopping on her bed.

“More of a rough revelation,” She replies, handing the bottle to her. 

She hugs Alex to her body before she sets her down in the activity chair, continuing to focus on the bright movie and entertain herself with toys. Crawling into the bed, Ana lays back while the other woman pulls open the cork from the bottle with a knife. Ana glares pointedly as Nat shrugs and puts the knife back in it’s hiding spot under her pillow.

“Intrigue,” Natasha muses, taking a long sip from the bottle. 

“Natasha,” Ana begins as she sits up. Nat picks up on her somber tone, straightening up to meet her gaze. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

She frowns, opening her mouth to respond before Ana holds up her hand to stop her. “What I did, shutting off my emotions, how I treated you and Steve. I am truly and deeply sorry.”

“Ana,” Nat sighs. “It’s okay.”

“No, no it’s not. It wasn’t.” Ana admits, spinning her wedding rings around. “You keep telling me that, everyone says it’s understandable why I did what I did, but it doesn’t make it any less wrong. I never once thought about how it might affect the people around me. By doing that, I pushed away the only family I had left. I didn’t talk to Pepper for months. I barely talk to Tony. I ruined my relationship with him. With someone who has done nothing but been there for me at my lowest points.”

“Fuck,” Ana huffs, fighting back the sting in her eyes. “I literally drove Steve to move out, but he was right. I was overly attached because I was afraid that if I stopped for one second, all the pain I was holding off would come crashing back.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I realize now how horrible I’ve been. I treated both of you like absolute shit and you didn’t deserve that. You were all just worried and concerned. I was...I was in so much pain, no matter how much I tried to fight it, but I was selfish.”

Natasha had grabbed her hand halfway through her vent. She gently squeezes her fingers. “What do you mean by selfish?” She wonders.

Ana can’t help the rueful chuckle that emits from her lips. “I’m an Empathetic Healer, Nat. I can heal  energy. I could have helped; I should have helped and grieved with you.”

“That wasn’t ever expected of you, Ana. We didn’t want you to exhaust your abilities just to help us instead. You had more to deal with at the time, you were newly pregnant and at a high health risk.”

“But I could have-”

“No, you couldn’t, and we would never have asked that of you.” Natasha argues sternly. “That’s the one thing you don’t have to apologize for or feel guilty about. Got it?”

She nods, sniffing. “I’m sorry for putting everyone through that. I was missing Bucky, my family and forgot I still had my family right in front of me.”

After a long pause and hug from Natasha- the somber stretch broken up by the sounds of Alex playing- Nat pulls back and hooks her finger under her chin to make sure their eyes remain on each other.

“You’re family, Ana, that never changed. Apology accepted. Now, I don’t want to hear anymore sorrys from you, just continue to take care of your health. And that beautiful little girl, who by the way, somehow stole the last of my avocado when I wasn’t looking.”

“Do you know how many times I found the nutella Bucky always tried hiding from me?” Ana replies with a smirk.

“Sharp shooter, fantastic hand to hand, hiding anything from you? Utter failure,” Nat deadpans. Ana cackles, rolling her eyes. “Really though, I’m glad you’ve been going to therapy and finally taking care of your mental health.” Then she mumbles, “Unlike Rogers.”

Ana starts. “Wait...what do you mean?”

Natasha winces, quickly grabbing the wine and chugging. Ana narrows her gaze, but takes the break in their conversation to check on Alex, who had been gazing up at her mother with wide blue eyes. Her bottom lip popping out, her expression wrinkled like she was close to crying. Ana soothes her, flashing a bright smile and cooing until her cute face relaxes. 

“What’s wrong with Steve?” Ana questions, picking up her daughter and sitting on the bed again.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Natasha answers, tickling Alex’s thighs and making her giggle. “Just that we both know how he handles his own guilt.”

“So he did leave because of me.”

A half shrug. “I think it was more along the line of where he felt like he couldn’t face you, or any of us anymore because of his own guilt. He was struggling long before he moved out. I think it got to be too much for him. He saw how you were improving in some ways and figured it was time to deal with his own failure. Those are his words, not mine.”

Ana scoffs in frustration. “I’ve told him none of it was his fault. He shouldn’t feel guilty or carry this weight for the entire world.”

“It’s Steve Rogers.” Natasha reminds her flatly. She takes the cork that Alex just found out of her hands, giving her a small book to play with instead.

Deciding not to press anymore, Ana trades Alex for the bottle of wine, passing her baby over to Nat.

“Are you even allowed to drink that?” She asks, quirking her eyebrow.

“I have enough bottles of milk set aside. Besides, Alex prefers the baby food more these days.” She answers, then takes a long drag. 

“‘S that why your coffee intake has skyrocketed?” She smirks.

“Listen. I went a year without caffeine, leave me alone.” 

 ***

Jamie Alexandra Barnes is eleven and a half months old when Ana visits Steve for the first time. He hasn’t visited in five months, despite him saying he would.

Teething is a horrible feat, has been for months. Ana’s heart breaks every time Alex puffs out her bottom lip, wobbling with fat tears in her eyes. Ana is ready to fight the entire world if it meant her baby was no longer in pain. 

This time around, her fourth tooth coming in keeps her up during the night, which makes her cranky and fussy. Ana has tried giving her cold teething rings, massaged her gums, among other things, nothing seems to be working that day.

“Oh, Alex. I know, baby girl, I know, I just don’t know what else to do.” Ana hushes, nearly close to tears herself. She continues to bounce and sway with Alex.

She’s been crying for nearly an hour. Even when Ana plays Bucky’s recorded lullabies she remains inconsolable. Ana’s chest tightens the longer Alex cries, her eyes red and her little cheeks soaked with tears. She’s afraid she’ll dehydrate herself if she continues, or run a fever.

The compound is empty, everyone out for smaller missions or research. No one is there to help calm Alex, or take her for just a moment so Ana can figure out what to do. For the first time since she brought her daughter home from the hospital, she’s truly alone. It’s one of the many things she took for granted, and mentally slaps herself for.

It’s times like these that a deep longing ache for Bucky hits her so hard, Ana finally cries herself. With it comes clarity, and without a second thought, Ana quickly gathers the diaper bag, throws a few onesies in and checks the bag for extra diapers and wipes. She slips her shoes on and coat, and quickly hurries through the house. All the while, Alex continues to cry, hiccuping sobs as she presses her face into Ana’s chest. Stepping out of the elevators to the lower garage, Ana coos her daughter all the way. She straps her in the car seat once she unlocks the car. 

“I know, I know, Alex, it’s okay, sweetie.” She shushes, kissing her overheated forehead. 

She tries giving her a teething biscuit but she refuses it. Ana hands Alex her favorite stuffed bunny gifted to her by Carol before she left, the little girl clutching to it. She tries a pacifier, but Alex just spits it back out. Ana jogs to the driver seat, finally starting the car and taking off.

Within two minutes of driving, Alex’s cries have slowed down to little shuddering breaths, Ana checking on her every chance she gets. When she stops at a light, she reaches behind her to place the pluggie back in her mouth. This time, Alex accepts it, her wet eyes staring in wonder out the window.

“Car rides calm you, got it.” Ana sighs warily. She turns on soft calming music and continues to drive. Not even ten minutes in, she suddenly has an idea;  an impromptu road trip.

*

Two hours later, Ana finally parks. Alex had fallen asleep by the first hour but when she takes Alex out of the car seat, she starts fussing again. She wraps her little puff jacket around her before Ana pulls her out of the car and into the brisk air. Little fists clutch desperately in Ana’s coat, those whimpers the most heartbreaking sounds Ana has ever heard. She shoulders the diaper back, then climbs the stairs of the stoop to get to her location.

“Please, please be here,” Ana hopes, quickly raping her knuckles on the door. She coos at her sniffling daughter while they wait. The door blessedly opens, relief and shock smacking her all at once.

Steve stands in the doorway looking worn out. His gray henley is ripped in places, black sweat pants hang low on his hips, wrinkled. His hair has grown longer and untamed, some strands reaching his ears, and his beard has grown thicker. It’s the sunken eyes with the dark bags that hit Ana the hardest. Like he hasn’t known sleep for days. 

“Ana,” Steve breathes out, obviously taken off guard. He blinks, eyes roaming over her once before shifting to Alex.

“Hi,” Ana balances, abruptly thinking it was a bad idea to show up unannounced. She also looks down at her daughter briefly, who is hiding her face, before looking back.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“I uh...I couldn’t get Alex to calm down. No matter what I tried she wouldn’t stop crying and everyone is gone right now. I mean, she did nap in the car for a bit, but she’s reverse cycling right now on top of teething and I just-“

“Come in, come in. It’s freezing,” Steve quickly ushers them inside.

“I’m sorry for just showing up like this but I didn’t know what else to do. I just put her in the car to see if driving would help and then I decided to come here,” Ana explains, barely taking in his rather cozy apartment. “Luckily she fell asleep halfway through the ride. I just- I have no right to ask, but can you help please?”

The sympathy coloring his expression lasts for a second. “Oh, look at this little honey bee,” Steve coos, bending to her level. “What’s got you so upset, Alex, huh?”

Alex sniffles, her face screwing up, a sign Ana knows all too well. Before she starts to cry again, Steve carefully takes the girl from Ana, cradling the baby in his strong arms. Immediately, her bottom pops out, trembling as she stares up at Steve. He coos at her, patting her back, and slowly, her little lip flattens out.

Ana watches in awe, her daughter lifting her little hands to grab his beard. Steve just smiles sweetly at her, starting to make silly faces as he sways her around his living room. Ana drops the diaper bag on his couch, taking off her coat, shaking her head as Alex’s eyes start drooping already. Either her child exhausted herself out with tears, or Steve has just the right touch. Either way, after three minutes pass, Alex’s eyes flutter before closing, out like a light. 

“How did you do that?” Ana deflates in disbelief.

He looks baffled himself as he shrugs, continuing to rock the little girl. “She’s gotten so big,” He notes solemnly.

“Yeah...you’ve been away for a hot minute,” Ana levels him with a stern look. His expression turns remorseful, flashing her an apologetic smile. Ana catches the time on the stove in his kitchen, reading 6:35pm. “Told you she wouldn’t forget you. You can sit with her if you want. Hopefully she won’t wake for a while.”

Steve agrees, carefully sitting down on the armchair. Ana chooses the other couch, tucking her good knee under her as she sits on the seat closest to Steve’s.

“I have a confession,” Ana informs, keeping her voice low so as not to wake her daughter. “I also came here to apologize to you.”

Steve adjusts himself, sitting back in the single armchair to get comfortable with Alex. “I should apologize too.”

“Can I go first?” She requests sheepishly. When Steve relents with a nod, she continues. “I’m sorry, Steve, for everything. I-I don’t regret turning off my emotions when I did, for the sake of Alex. I do regret what it did to you, how I treated you the entire time, and after.

“You were right, I was hiding behind Alex for a while. She was the only thing keeping my pain at bay and it was much easier to focus on her than coping. I never meant to keep you at arms length. I didn’t realize doing that would make you think I didn’t want you around my daughter.” Ana exhales shakily. “She’s Bucky’s daughter too. You’re his best friend and it wasn’t right for me to ostracize you. I was just selfish and in too much pain to see that I did.”

She pauses to press her palm to her chest, emotions beginning to surface. “I talked to Natasha about this. I should have helped you guys. I’m a healer for fucks sake, I could have at least lessened the pain.”

“And what, absorb it all in yourself? None of us would have taken you up on that offer.” Steve responds kindly. 

Ana sniffs, but the wave of tears is too much to hold off. “Steve. I never wanted you to move out, and I’m sorry I was the main reason you did. You’re one of my best friends, you’re family. I didn’t mean to lose you too.”

Steve’s throat bobs, then he clears his throat softly, blue eyes pinning her to her seat. “You didn’t lose me.”

A mirthless chortle falls from her lips. “It felt like I did. I, uh. I’ve been going to group therapy. It’s helped a lot, but there are those days when I look in the mirror and despise who I see, who I’ve become. She’s not me, and it’s taken a long time to even try to get an ounce of myself back.”

Ana hastily wipes away the tears falling down her cheeks, on the verge of confessing a thought she hadn’t been able to shake for months. “The worst part is, the part I can’t stop thinking about, is-is how hurt and disappointed Bucky would be in me. He would hate me if he ever saw what I did. I-I’m not the woman he fell in love with anymore.” The last word breaks on a sob.

Steve shifts, like he wants to console her, before he remembers the sleeping baby in his arms. “Ana, that is not  true.” He reprimands fiercely. “Do not go down that road.”

She’s crying too hard to respond, pressing her hand over her mouth to quiet her sobs. Her chest constantly aching with the absence of another soul, with the sheer thought of Bucky looking upon her with disgust. The awfulness began invading her mind once that odd orange dream world stopped frequently visiting her sleep.

“Hey, hey, Ana, honey, look at me,” Steve coaxes leaning forward, careful with Alex. He holds out his free hand for Ana to take, squeezing her fingers. “You’ll get yourself back, even if it’s not the exact version you were before. But I know  Bucky would never stop loving you, no matter what. He would be so proud of how you protected and raised your daughter. You fell in love with every single part of him down to his soul. He would still love you the same way you love him. In fact, I believe he’s been watching over you both, smiling down at his best girls. Alright?”

Ana wipes away the fresh tears off her face with her other hand. “Y-yeah.”

“I understood your grief, we all did,” He continues gently. “We never thought you would do what you did, but you’re owning up to it now. You’ve apologized for your actions several times. I forgive you. But Ana, if you don’t start forgiving yourself, you’ll never start to move forward. Holding onto your own guilt will crush you.”

A self-deprecating chuckle emits from her mouth. “Is that what you’re doing then?”

Steve exhales heavily, slowly taking his hand away. “You felt that, huh?”

“I felt it the second you opened the door. How have you really been?”

“Let’s try to lay her down in the bed,” He suggests, standing cautiously.

Ana follows him, both keeping silent when he leads them to his room down the short hallway. As carefully as he can, Steve lowers the slumbering girl to the mattress, slipping his arms out from under her. Alex shifts, Ana biting her lip and crossing her fingers that she doesn’t wake. Steve places a hand back on her head until she settles.

Once they’re in the clear, both adults settle on either side of the small child, in case she decides to roll over. Ana lightly strokes her fingers through her daughter’s growing hair, that connection between them, although still present, had faded into a delicate hum over the past months.

“Have you been getting enough sleep?” Ana inquires with a pointed look.

Scratching his untamed beard, Steve answers, “Not for the past few nights. Nightmares fucking suck.”

Ana wholeheartedly agrees. “And...otherwise?”

“I found a support group myself. Been going for a month now. I was asked if I wanted to lead another group.”

“Wow, that’s...is that something you’re up for?”

“Maybe, down the road. How can I help others if I’m still holding shit in myself?”

Ana hums. “Founds familiar.”

“Come with me,” Steve requests, getting off the bed and grabbing a thick plush blanket.

He shifts his pillows around Alex, making a little barrier. Ana does the same, then follows Steve when he opens the window to the fire escape. The burst of frigid air bites at her skin, Ana closing the window to keep the warmth in the room. 

There’s a single chair, and a tiny try table with a sketch pad on it. Vaguely Ana thinks the set up is a fire hazard, but then again, Steve has a habit of not using stairs. He turns the chair and offers the seat to Ana, placing the warm blanket over her lap. She has a perfect view of Alex sleeping on the bed inside. Steve settles next to her on the second step.

Abruptly, the energy surrounding Steve morphs, a dismal tinge weighing heavily in the air like the threat of rain. It pulls Ana’s gaze from her daughter to him. Steve wrings his hands together, pressing his fingers between the spaces of his knuckles, his eyes focused on them, long lashes fanning over his cheekbones. The gleam of a wet track reflects off the light emitting from his room, carving a year of grief down his face.

“Steve,” Ana cajoles gently.

A shuddering inhale. “I’ve been wallowing in my own guilt and failure,” Steve confesses thickly. “I have been since it happened. I moved out because I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t control how I was feeling anymore. I just couldn’t keep up that strong facade of knowing what to do, of pretending to come up with a way to fix everything. And I’m not blaming you, but I was so focused on making sure you weren’t drowning...I sunk myself.”

Steve’s voice wavers, but he doesn’t stop what comes next. His face screws up, pressing his knuckles to his mouth for a moment. “I lost my best friend, my brother. I couldn’t save the world, I couldn’t save Bucky.” A heart wrenching sob distorts his words. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him for you, for his beautiful daughter. I failed the universe, and I haven’t been able to forgive myself.” 

Ana tries to keep her own tears at bay, but Steve’s shoulders shake as he full on sobs and breaks, she can’t help it. She scoots closer, pulling Steve into her arms, his face pressed into her shoulder, her arms wrapped around his back. She doesn’t know how long they stay like that; Steve’s sobs and heartbreak soaking into her shirt, into her bones. Ana just holds him as tight as she can. 

Finally, after what feels like hours and temperature dropping with the threat of snow, Steve’s sobs come to an end. Slowly he pulls away, sitting up and wiping his cheeks and nose with his shirt. Ana gives him time to collect himself, cleaning her own face with her sleeve. Her eyes shift to Alex, still napping on the bed, a small victory if she continues to sleep through the night.

A calloused yet tentative hand over her left pulls her attention back to Steve. He briefly touches her wedding rings. Ana searches his face, cheeks flushed from crying. His eyelids swollen, his beard damp and the bags beneath his eyes have darkened. His licks at his dry, cracked lips; Ana making a mental note to make him drink water when they go back in.

When Steve speaks again, his voice is raw with emotions. “I needed to deal with my own pain and healing if I was going to keep my promise to Bucky,” He tells her, pulling his hand back. He meets her gaze. “I know leaving broke it anyway. I apologize for that.”

“It was a little malicious of me to throw that at you,” Ana admits, suppressing a shiver. She pulls the blanket up to her shoulders. “We may have said some things to hurt each other, unintentionally or not. I’m sor-”

“I think there’s been enough apologies to last a lifetime,” Steve chuckles lowly.

“In that case, no more sorrys. We’ll just try to move from this point, little by little.” Her teeth chatter at the end, the cold finally getting to her despite the blanket.

“Agreed. Let’s go inside, you’re freezing.”

“Fuck, that’s the truth,” Ana laughs.

The second Ana sets her foot down on the wood floor, Alex sits up as if she could sense her mother. That bottom lip popping out, those ice blue eyes of hers searching for Ana. Cringing, she rushes over, cooing and hugging her child.

“Did you happen to bring the kimoyo bead?” Steve inquires, shutting the window.

“Never go anywhere without it,” Ana answers, rocking Alex back and forth. She looks at the clock on his side table. “Ugh, she only slept for an hour. This reserve cycling is rough.”

“Maybe she’s hungry. What did you bring? I can make something for her.”

“There’s a bottle, but also cheerios and fruit. There’s rice too, if you want to heat that up a bit.”

Steve quickly exits. Ana bundles up Alex, the sleepy girl sweetly cuddling against her chest as they follow him out.

*

Later, after Alex had eaten and Steve ordered some pizza, he offers to try to put her asleep once more. He convinced Ana to stay the night, considering the snow beginning to fall and the streets being slick.

“I’m not staying just to kick you out of your room, Steve,” Ana scolds, crossing her arms.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Alex is already sleeping in my bed, it makes sense to be there with her. Unless you want to sleep on the lumpy couch.”

“It’s close to the coffee machine.” She smirks.

“Don’t be a pain in my ass, Barnes,” He teases with narrowed eyes. “Go sleep in the damn bed.”

“Fine,” Ana relents, dropping her arms. “But only if you make coffee in the morning.”

*

Little fingers drag Ana out of sleep, the fingers tracing over her lips before pulling down her bottom one. Inhaling slowly, coming to terms that she now has to wake up, otherwise her daughter will force her awake by promptly shoving her fingers up her nose. It’s happened three times before. Finally, Ana opens her eyes, rubbing the last traces of blissful sleep away. She makes eye contact with Alex, then gasps and closes her again. Alex giggles, her hand tapping over her mom’s eyelids.

Ana peeks one eye open, and the bright smile Alex greets her with melts her heart. In a quick but safe motion, she hugs her daughter close, roaring softly before attacking her with kisses. Gleeful cackles fill the room, Alex trying to push Ana away weakly. Ana stops, pressing one last kiss to her cheek. Then her daughter leans closer, connecting her forehead with her mother’s. Both girls remain like that for a minute, Ana staring sweetly into her baby girl’s blue eyes, counting the flecks of golden-brown in them.

Once Alex is changed, both of their teeth brushed, Ana exits the room by holding her little hands and helping her walk with clumsy steps down the hallway. Watching Alex attempt to walk pangs at Ana’s heart; her daughter growing up way too fast. 

“Whoa, who is this little Coffee Bean strutting in here on a mission!?” Steve greets brightly, bending down to Alex’s level. “Has she tried walking by herself yet?”

“Not quite there, but soon,” Ana says. “I might cry when it does.”

Chuckling, Steve opens his arms for Alex, the little girl abruptly letting go of Ana’s hands to trip into his arms. Ana laughs through the small pang of their shared connection clenching her heart. It’s easier to ignore now. Steve greets Alex with a kiss on her head, standing up with her in his hold.

“Did you girls have a good sleep?” He questions, bopping Alex on her nose. She responds by grabbing his beard. 

His oddly light tone makes Ana suspicious. She gives him an unimpressed look. “As if you didn’t stay up all night listening for any sign if we didn’t,” She replies flatly. 

His smile is sheepish. “It wasn’t the whole night.”

“Uh-huh. Where’s my coffee, punk?”

“I swear you two were the same person at times,” Steve grumbles, passing Alex back to her. But the teasing glint in his eyes makes Ana smile with the grace of the Cheshire cat at the comparison of Bucky. He rolls his eyes, then messes up her already messy hair. She glares as she fixes her hair.

“She slept better this time, thank god.” Ana sighs, inhaling the aroma of the coffee he handed her. She pauses, narrowing her eyes. “Steven Grant Rogers. Is this decaf?”

He winces, taking a big step backward. “Yes it is.”

“No!” Alex suddenly chirps, then continues to munch on the piece of banana Steve gave her.

Steve blinks. Ana kisses her daughter’s head. “That’s right, Bean. Tell Uncle Stevie that depriving your mama of real coffee is a no-no.”

“You’re more yourself than you think,” Steve tells her, switching his mug with hers. His happy grin earns him one in return.

Steve finishes making breakfast, both adults making small talk while Alex chatters away with her baby language, a mix of “mama” and “no” thrown in. Ana sets a plate of scrambled eggs and the rest of the banana Steve cut up for her daughter. She gets half of it on her cheeks and clothes instead of her mouth.

After breakfast and a change of clothes for Alex, Ana offers to help with Steve’s energy. He allowed them to stay the night, offered his bed to them and cooked breakfast, the least she can do is transmute any of the heavily dark energy he has. When she says this much, Steve casts her a stern glare.

“When’s the last time you actually used your abilities?” Steve inquires. He’s been playing on the floor with Alex and the coasters she pulled off the coffee table.

“I’ll be fine, trust me.” Ana convinces. “I won’t go crazy, just enough to help you sleep better at night.”

“Okay,” He relents, then holds up one finger. “On one condition. Let me take Alex out of the house, and you nap for an extra hour or two before you drive back.”

“Deal!”

*

Two hours later, Ana rolls over and nearly falls off the bed, forgetting it’s not hers. She laughs at herself, untangling her legs from the comforter, groaning as she stretches. The faint sound of a familiar Disney movie reaches her ears; one she knows captures Alex’s attention for a while.

Using this time, Ana begins to gather anything she took out of the diaper bag and packs it away. She carefully places the kimoyo bead on the side table back in it’s safe place, then checks the room twice over for anything she may have missed. When she makes her way to the living room, Ana stops, mouth dropping. 

“Did you buy all this?” Ana gapes, staring at several items scattered around.

Steve looks up from his task of helping Alex place colorful rings on a cone. “Hey, good nap?”

“Very, thank you. What is this stuff?”

“Alex told me, in a very serious manner, that the next time she visits, her uncle should be more prepared for her arrival.”

“Did she now?” Ana questions sarcastically, a smile teasing her lips. “She can be very adamant in her gibberish.”

“Very persuasive,” Steve nods vigorously. “Probably gets that from Nat.”

“Steve,” She laughs, gesturing to the stuff.

Sitting in the far corner next to the couch is a play pen that doubles as a crib. There’s a small stroller still in its box, a few toys, some music with lights, books and puzzles are on the table. Ana spots a little stuffed bear wearing a blue jacket propped up against Alex’s side. 

He scratches the back of his neck, shrugging. “I hope it’s not imposing, and I’ll return it if it’s an issue. I just figured, well I was wondering if you two wanted to visit more often, Alex could have her own little play space.

Ana balks. “You want us to visit more often? Are you sure that’s not invading your own time and sp-“

“See the thing is, when you give yourself space, sometimes you miss the people you were spacing yourself from. Two way street though. I’ll come visit, like I said I was going to. Might get an ass kicking from Natasha though.” Steve winces at the thought.

Nodding in agreement to his statement, Ana goes to sit on the couch, brushing her hand over Alex’s head. She gives no mind to Ana, clearly captivated with her new toys. Steve grabs the bear next to the little girl, handing it to Ana. She raises a curious eyebrow.

“I saw it and I’m not sure why. It reminded me of Buck,” He says, avoiding her gaze. “Think it’s the jacket, like the one he wore during the war.”

She brushes her fingers over the jacket, a soft smile on her lips. “It’s cute.”

A slew of emotions roll through her chest, coming to a realization. Ana showed up on Steve’s door step, unannounced five months after he moved out. He has been trying to heal, process the death of his friends, process his own guilt and yet Steve welcomed them into his safe haven. He eagerly helped with Alex, had put her to such a state of comfort she fell asleep almost immediately. Steve had opened up, showed his broken vulnerable side, cried together and had forgiven her. He allowed them to spend the night, and just went out of his way to take Alex around the city, coming back with gifts in hopes for more visits. 

Ana has no doubt for what she does next.

“Steve,” She speaks softly. He looks up from Alex, eyes patient, curious. “Will you be Jamie’s godfather?”

Steve freezes. Ana doesn’t think he even breathes for several seconds. She fiddles with the bear in her hands as she waits, straightening out its jacket. A delightful coo from Alex on the floor when she pressed a button on a new toy seems to finally shake Steve back. 

“A-are you sure?” He breaths, uncertainty all over his face.

“Absolutely.” She confirms. “I asked Natasha to be her godmother about a month ago. I mean, she could fill both parts but-”

“Yes! Yeah, I would be honored too.”

Ana beams at him, earning back the truest grin she’s seen on Steve in over a year. 

Later that afternoon, Ana gets Alex ready to head back north, changing her diaper and pulling on her jacket. Steve holds her while Ana triple checks that she has everything in the diaper bag. She spots three white envelopes, remembering the invitations she made at the beginning of January. She pulls one out.

“Oh, here,” She says, handing it to Steve. “Alex turns one in a few weeks. I would love for you to come.”

His face melts into something fond, kissing the little girl’s forehead. “Jesus. A whole year already.”

“Yeah, we’re not gonna talk about it. My baby is growing way too fast,” Ana chokes up a little, blinking away the sting in her eyes. “So, will you come? Please?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Steve promises, then he tickles Alex on her thighs. “Huh, little Coffee Bean? You gotta stop growing so fast!”

“Eeb!” She squeals gleefully, tucking her head to his chest.

“Uh, I think that means Steve,” Ana chuckles. 

Steve hugs Alex tighter. He brings her out to the car, strapping her into the safety seat, giving her one last kiss, and tucking the new bear he got her next to her bunny. Ana waits until he shuts the door. When he turns, she hugs him, arms squeezed around his torso. Steve returns the hug, and the familiarity of family washes through her; their emotions calmer than they have been.

“Thank you, Steve, for everything.” Ana mumbles into his shirt.

“Don’t even mention it,” He tells her, his arms a vice grip around her shoulders. “Really, I promise to visit when I can.”

They break apart, walking to the drivers side. Steve opens her door, then closes it once Ana is settled and clicks her seat belt on.

“Drive safe, and please, let me know when you get back.” He commands. 

“I will. Alex, baby, can wave bye-bye to Uncle Steve?” Ana questions lightly, looking over her shoulder. Alex lifts her hand, scrunching her fingers quickly and smiling.

Steve waves back, laughing. As Ana drives away, she feels much lighter than she had for the past year. Any lingering tension between her and Steve has finally dissipated. 

 One Year and Six months later . July 2021. Three years after snap:

Ana has to be sneaky, quiet as she peers around the corner, the anticipation of being caught a high risk. She startles at a small noise, quickly presses herself as close to the wall as she can, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping her position won’t be compromised. Abruptly a voice calls out.

“Fond yuuoo!”

The little voice squealing with excitement breaks Ana’s faux spy mode, yelling in delight as well. She scoops up her daughter, spinning Alex around as she giggles uncontrollably.

“Yes you did, Bean!�� Ana exclaims, kissing her sweet face. “Good job!”

A round of hide and seek has been going on for the past ten minutes. Alex has immensely enjoyed hiding under blankets and popping out to “scare” her mother. Somehow, she found one of Bucky’s jackets in the open closet, choosing to hide under the leather. The sight of her big blue eyes peering over the collar was so cute, that the pang throbbing in Ana’s heart didn’t last long.

“You’re such a good little spy! Auntie Nat would be so proud!” Ana cheers. 

The toddler laughs again, planting a sloppy kiss on her mother’s lips. She makes a loud muah! sound when she pulls back. “Mommy’s ‘urn!”

“My turn? I go find you now?”

“Yes!” Alex squirms as a way to be let down. Ana complies, making sure her little feet are on the ground before she lets go. Halfway through running away, Alex stops and turns to look back at her mom. “I hungree.”

Ana can’t help but chuckle, her daughter just too adorable for her own good. She bends down, opening her arms just as Alex runs into them. “How about I just eat you for lunch instead?”

She pretends to munch on her shoulder, down to her belly. Her daughter’s joyous laughter is a beautiful symphony filling the air. It’s been one of Ana’s favorite sounds in the entire universe for the past two and a half years, right next to Bucky’s lullaby. It’s moments like these when the energy connection Ana shares with Alex feels stronger, despite the intensity of it fading over the years. It still remains, just not as potent, which has made it much easier for them to be away from each other for a few hours or even a weekend.

“Mama!” Alex pats her hair, curling her fist in the strands. “Pway daddy’s song.”

Ana smiles sweetly, emotions always flaring up when she asks about Bucky’s recording. She pushes her chestnut hair away from her eyes, the golden-brown flecks glimmering in the sea of blue. She fondly kisses the little dimple in her chin.

“How about we go get some yummys, then we can listen to daddy’s song. Sound good?”

“Nummy, nummies!” Alex shouts happily. “Auntie Nat too!”

“Yes, we can make breakfast for Auntie Nat too.”

The second the words leave Ana’s mouth, Alex with the graceful skills a two and a half year old should not have, maneuvers herself out of her mother’s arms, and takes off running. Hurriedly, Ana goes after her, her right knee joint popping as she stands. Vaguely she wonders not for the first time, if the serum has affected Alex yet. She has better hearing, and faster running than any other toddler she’s seen.

“Come back here, you little bean!” Ana teases, just seeing her little girl disappear down the hall towards the office. “Nat! Little monster incoming!”

When Ana skids into the office, she has to halt herself. Alex stopped in the middle of the room, staring at something. She turns, lifting her arms to her mom. Picking her up, Ana follows her gaze.

“Steve!” Ana starts in surprise. “Hi. Did we know you were coming today?”

“Impromptu visit,” He shrugs, wiggling his fingers at Alex. Once the little girl realizes who is in the chair, she waves back animatedly. She might not have recognized him without his beard, his face now clean shaven.

“He claims to be checking up on me,” Natasha inputs, her feet on the desk. Her eyes are glassy, the tip of her nose red. She had been crying, and the energy of the emotions settles over Ana.

“I offered to cook,” Steve quips, reaching over to tickle Alex’s foot. She giggles and hides her face in her moms hair.

“Ahh, that explains the tears,” Ana winks, then shoots Natasha a look. The other woman sniffs but flashes a brief smile.

“I threw my egg sandwich at him,” Natasha retorts, her trademark smirk pulling up the corner of her mouth. She fiddles with her hair, now mostly a pretty ombré mix of red and blonde, the length just past her shoulders.

Before Ana can respond, an alert screen pops up in front of Natasha. She opens it with a lazy flick of her hand. A voice echoing through the room stuns them.

“Hi! Is anyone home!? This is Scott Lang! We met a few years ago, at the airport, in Germany!”

All three adults turn their attention to the video screen. Ana feels like her heart ceases, her mouth falling open. She meets Steve’s eyes who quickly meets Natasha's, staring wide eyed at the screen.

“Is this-is this an old message?” Steve stutters breathlessly as he stands.

“Ant-Man!” The video continues, the man chatting away frantically.

“It’s the front gate,” Natasha intones, odd relief coloring her voice.

“What?” Ana whispers, stepping closer. She notes the timestamp at the top of the screen. 

Alex pats her cheek, softly saying “Mama?”

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” 

“How is this possible?” Steve utters, half in awe, half in disbelief.

“Oh my god, let him in!” Ana demands.

*

An hour later has Ana with her head in her hands, shaking it back and forth. 

When Natasha arrived back with Scott, he began to explain what happened to him in a jumbled chaotic mess of words. Natasha and Steve were able to calm him down, fed him after he nearly lunged for Nat’s leftover sandwich. Ana had to leave to take care of Alex, quickly feeding her lunch and putting her down for a nap. Thankfully their game of hide and seek wore the little girl out, and she was drifting off to dreamland by the first chorus of Bucky’s lullaby.

Now Ana is attempting to soothe herself, keeping her emotions and energy down. Especially after she heard the haunting call of Bucky’s voice in her head again; it’s been four months since she heard it.

“Explain it again,” Ana requests. She rubs her eyes before she looks at Scott.

He nods jerkily, an awkward grimace on his face. “Right. I was in the Quantum Realm. Hope, my...s-she was supposed to pull me out, but Thanos happened and I was stuck in there.”

“For three years?” Natasha frowns sympathetically.

“No, that’s just it. It wasn’t three years for me...it was three hours.” He elaborates. He must notice the skepticism on their faces. “I swear! The rules in there aren’t like they are up here. Time works differently in the Quantum Realm, it’s unpredictable chaos. But what if we could control it and navigate it? What if we can enter it at one point of time, then exit at another point of time? Like- Before Thanos.”

“Like a DeLorean?” Ana questions the same time Steve asks, “Like a time machine?”

“N-no, of course not!” Scott stutters, then blinks. “Well, yes. A-a time machine. It’s crazy...”

Natasha chortles under her breath. “Scott, I get emails from a raccoon, nothing is crazy anymore.”

“You’re talking about possible time travel by entering different points of time through this Quantum Realm.” Ana repeats, musing for the sake of herself. She massages her temples.

This could mean so many things. This could...this could bring back- she swallows the thick lump in her throat, forcing herself not to get any hopes up just yet. She rubs her fingers along her collarbone, chewing the corner of her lip. 

“Exactly.” Scott comments. “Is there anyone- who do we talk to about this?”

Both Steve and Natasha stare hard enough for Ana to feel it, lifting her eyes to meet their gazes. All it takes is that split second look for it to click. Falling back against the couch cushions, she exhales heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Fine.” She relents with a grumble, hands thrown up in the air. “But we’re taking Alex.”

*

Stark Lakeside Cabin: Vermont 

Lush green and brown trees blur together like a watercolor painting, the scenic view serene as the nature rushes by. Though staring out the window for the past hour of driving should have settled Ana’s nerves, the sight contrasts with the anxiety rolling in her stomach. She alternates between rubbing the skin of her collarbones raw and twisting her fingers together.

“Mommy?” 

The little voice barely breaks through the contemplation of her thoughts, her feelings. If it weren’t for the worry in her daughter’s voice Ana probably wouldn’t have acknowledged her surroundings. A small hand reaches out, gently patting her cheek, a trait Alex has done since she was a baby; especially when Ana’s emotions were surging.

“Sorry, baby girl,” Ana coos, shaking herself out of her stupor. She kisses the tips of her fingers. 

“Is sad, mama?” Alex pouts. Her blue eyes round, concerned. Ana swears her daughter has moments of wisdom far too advanced for her age. Maybe it’s their connection causing her to feel for her mother.

Soothing her hair back, Ana says, “No, love. Mama’s just fine.”

“You pway daddy’s song!” The toddler exclaims, throwing her arms up. She suddenly hands Ana her stuffed bear, bunny and her blanket. “Nap, mommy.”

Ana can’t help it, she cracks a wide smile, a tiny chuckle escaping. “Thank you, Bean. You’re the bestest.”

Alex looks proud of herself, leaning as much as she can in her car seat and puckering her lips. Ana tilts the rest of the way, pecking her daughter’s lips, then her nose. When she straightens, she catches Scott gazing at them with a fond expression. However, the flash of blue staring at her from the rear view mirror focuses her attention on Steve.

Once Alex had woken from her nap, the three adults gathered in Ana’s car, insisting the Audi SUV would be roomy enough for the nearly four hour drive. She packed extra clothes, diapers, food and a few toys in the diaper bag before buckling Alex in the car seat. Ana handed the keys over to Steve, opting to sit in the back with Alex and Scott. 

Now, Natasha subtly nudges Steve arm resting on the middle console, his eyes snap back to the road. 

“Okay, what is it?” Ana miffs. “You’ve been shooting me looks for an hour, Steve.”

He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “You sure you’re feeling alright?”

“Because your energy is making it a little dense in here.” Natasha divulges, tossing a pointed look over her shoulder.

“I thought it was just stuffy in here,” Scott inputs optimistically. “I forgot you had powers.”

Groaning, Ana throws the blanket over her head to hide her face. “Sorry,” She mutters. “I wasn’t aware I was doing anything.”

“Eh, you’re lucky the car is still running,” Nat teases. “It is an electrically run system.”

“Nat,” Steve reprimands lightly. “Get your feet off the dash. Have some manners, Romanoff.” His mirthful tone makes Natasha stick her tongue out at him.

“You’re no fun, Rogers. This is Ana’s car, she makes the rules.”

The blanket suddenly yanks off Ana’s head, Alex giggling next to her right. Ana pokes her belly, then turns her attention back to the front.

“I’ll be fine, I’m just nervous,” She bites her lip briefly before continuing. “I’ve spoken to Tony a few times, but it’s the first time I’ll see him in… almost three years.”

Another quick look from Steve in the mirror. “He does know we’re coming. Right?”

Ana slouches as much as she can with the seat belt, grimacing. “Not exactly.”

Steve groans.

“I told Pepper! May have told her not to tell him, just in case he decides to conveniently not be there when we show up.”

“This sounds like it’ll go swell.” Scott chirps sarcastically.

*

After three and a half long hours and two pits stop for Alex’s sake, they finally arrive at the Stark household in Vermont. The rustic cabin secluded in the woods, sits fifty years from a lake, the afternoon sun glittering in fractals off the surface. The view is beautiful, serene, does nothing to settle Ana’s nerves. Especially when she sees Tony walking up to his cabin carrying his child in his arms. He falters when he spots them before he continues on, turning back once. Natasha throws him a nod, as if the past three years hadn’t happened. 

Tony nods back.

“You guys go ahead,” Ana insists, “We’ll be there in a minute.”

Steve’s concerned gaze lingers until Natasha grabs him by the elbow, leading the way for the two men. Ana takes her time unbuckling Alex, her little hands on her cheeks stop her.

“Is sad, mommy.” Alex whines again, patting her hand on her face. 

“No, baby doll, I promise. I’m not sad,” Ana kisses her and puts a big smile on her face. “See! Nothing but smiles for my little bean!”

Bringing Alex in through the front door, she greets Pepper with a long hug. Her cousin says hello to her daughter, then leads Alex by the hand to Morgan, introducing the young girls. It’s also the first time Ana has met Pepper and Tony’s daughter in person, but Morgan recognizes her from all the video chats Ana had with Pepper. The children get along immediately, Morgan, now five, shares her toys with Alex. 

When Pepper convinces Ana to join the others outside, like a mature thirty-four year old, Ana whines; nerves spiking again. The older woman nudges her towards the door, promising to keep an eye on the girls. Ana quietly steps out on the deck, coming into the middle of their conversation, taking a seat on of the wicker chairs.

“The stones are in the past, we can go back and get them,” Steve is urging.

“We can snap our own fingers, bring everyone back,” Natasha adds.

“Or screw up worse than he already has.” Tony argues.

“I don’t believe we would.” Steve asserts.

“I gotta say sometimes I miss that giddy optimism,” Tony snips. “However, high hopes won’t help if there’s not a logical, tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist. I believe the most likely outcome will be our collective demise.”

Ana bites her the corner of her thumbnail, tuning out their conversation to concentrate on keeping her energy under control. She had a slight feeling Tony would be against their plan, the hurt, the disappointment,  the fact that she got her hopes up for even the smallest amount of stings. None of this will work if they don’t have Tony on their side.

Hearing the desperation in Scott’s voice makes Ana pay attention again, closely watching Tony’s face.

“I know you got a lot on the line,” Scott is saying. “A wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me, a lot of people did, and now now we have a chance to bring her back. To bring everyone back, and now you’re telling me-”

“That’s right, I am.” Tony cuts him off with no remorse. “I wish you came here to ask me something, I really do. I’m honestly happy to see you guys, table is set for seven-”

Steve interrupts him this time, stepping forward. “Tony I’m happy for you, I’m really am, but this is a second chance-”

“I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can’t roll the dice on it.”

Ana drops her face in her hands. She listens to Natasha’s gentle decline to stay for lunch, a short exchange of goodbyes and three sets of footsteps walking off the deck. Blowing out a forceful breath, Ana realizes her and Tony are alone for the first time in years. She lifts her head, met with Tony’s stoic gaze as she stands.

“Whatever you’re going to say,” He begins holding up a hand. “It won’t change my mind.”

“I know,” Ana replies softly.

They stare at each other, the air between them filled with unspoken resentment, hurt, anger. Remorse. Ana flexes her hands then curls her fingers, tampering back her urge to transmute the tension between them. The slightest pinched of Tony’s eyebrows breaks it all.

“I’m sorry.” They admit at the same time.

They laugh awkwardly. Tony dips his head, a silent notion for Ana to go first. Shoving her hands through her hair to give her something to do, she counts her breaths mentally before beginning. It’s been three years. Three long, exhausting, heartbreaking years. 

Standing in front of Tony now, someone who had become Ana’s family, who had been witness to her most life-threatening moments of her life, is overwhelming. Someone who has grown to care and love her like his own blood. Who had done everything in his power to protect her, to protect Bucky when it came to it. Who accepted Bucky despite their complicated issues. Ana is tired, she missed Tony and it’s time to mend their broken bridge.

“I should have never thrown the arc reactor at your head,” Ana admits earnestly. “I-I was in so much pain, Tony. I was hurting and scared. I lost Bucky and I...I felt when he d-died. I felt him ripped from my soul, I felt the whole world. Clearly I wasn’t in a good place when you rescued, we both weren’t. I don’t think we meant the things we said. I shouldn’t have iced you out-”

“Stop right there,” Tony cuts her off. He makes a motion like he wants to console her, but refrains. “That’s on me. I’m the one who cut you out.”

Ana scoffs. “You weren’t the one who shut their emotions off for months.”

“No, which- don’t ever do that again. Pep’s stress levels- nearly drank the entire wine cellar.”

“That’s a lot of wine.”

Tony chuckles lowly. “No, I didn’t have the talent to turn off emotions, but I may as well have. Cutting you out, not making any effort to reach out. I had time to heal from at least half of what happened. I got lucky. You...you had lost yet another member of your family.”

A lump forms in Ana’s throat, eyes beginning to water. Tony’s eyes glisten.

“I was...Pep and I...we were there for you during every loss, your parents and brother.” Tony puts his hand on his chest. “I should have been there for you when you lost Bucky, even after. I wasn’t, because of my own stubborn ass pride. I am genuinely sorry about that, Ana.”

Wiping the tears off her cheeks, Ana inclines her head, hugging herself. Tony clears his throat, then closes the distance between them, pulling her in for a long overdue hug. She wraps her arms around his chest, gripping his shirt, allowing herself to feel his energy, his emotions. The sensation of forgiveness merging together from them both.

“I’ve missed you, kid.” Tony chokes, his chin atop her head. “I really did.”

“I missed you too,” Ana sniffs. “You’ve no idea.”

Once they break apart, they take a moment to clean their own faces. Ana blows out a breath, looking over her shoulder at the car, Steve, Natasha and Scott waiting patiently. 

“Listen,” Ana begins. “I understand why you don’t want to help. You have a beautiful life, a beautiful family. I wouldn’t want to risk that either. It’s why I didn’t come here to convince you.”

“You didn’t just come to apologize either.” He specifies.

“I did not. I think it’s time you meet my daughter. Officially.”

“I would be honored.” Tony grins, like he wasn’t just crying into her hair.

Ana holds up one finger, quickly going inside. She finds Alex playing with Morgan, Pepper watching from the couch. She shoots Ana a questioning look, to which she shoots her a thumbs up. Pepper fist pumps, muttering “finally.”

She gently cajoles Alex to come with her, promising she can say goodbye to her cousin before they leave. Alex clings to her when they step back outside, Tony leaning against the wooden railing. His face brightens when he sees the little girl.

“Tony, this is Jamie Alexandra,” Ana introduces, bouncing Alex once on her hip.

Tony’s entire expression softens as he bends to Alex’s level offering her a soft friendly grin. “Nice to finally meet you, Alex.” He greets with a chipper tone. “I’m your Uncle Tony.”

Alex shies away just a little, hiding her face then peaking out.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Ana encourages softly. “He’s just old, he won’t bite.”

Tony shoots her a playful glare, then back to Alex, he pulls a silly face. Alex giggles once, then reaches out her little hand to grab at his goatee. His smile widens. “Can I get a high five?”

Alex shoots her hand out, smacking her palm against his. He proceeds to compliment her yellow velcro shoes, getting her to chat back with him. After two minutes, Alex is launching herself into Tony’s open arms, making her mother’s stomach drop to her feet.

“I hate when she does that,” Ana huffs, hand fluttering over her heart. “She’s got the agility of a gymnast right now.”

He hums in thought, hugging the girl to his chest. “Interesting. Those are some strong genes, strong grip too. She’s the spitting image of Barnes.”

A wave of longing and pride floods through Ana. “Yeah,” She exhales shakily. “At least I have a part of him in her.”

“She’s beautiful, Ana.”

“Thank you. She’s a charmer too, just like her father. Won over Nebula in a heartbeat.”

“She’s a softie at heart once you get past that murderous attitude,” Tony chuckles. He sighs, face crestfallen. “I’m sorry I can’t help.”

Ana shakes her head. “Stop. I understand. Just...hold them close, okay?”

“Will you sing daddy’s song?” Alex pipes up, using those baby blue eyes on him. Ana can almost see his heart melting.

“He doesn’t know daddy’s song, Alex,” Ana explains gently, fixing her askew shirt. “But how about we go say goodbye to your cousin Morgan and Aunt Pepper?”

“Okay,” She pouts, that lip popping out.

“What is that face? I bet I can fix that little pout,” Tony coos. “I have a juice pop just for you!”

Once they’re driving on the road again, Ana closes her eyes, wary from the trip and emotions. Alex is chattering away with Scott, the man animatedly responding back to her. Soft music croons through the radio, and the front of the car has been silent.

“What now?” Ana mumbles, rubbing her dry eyes. “We can’t do this without Tony. We have to do this right. If we don’t...I don’t want to get my hopes up and then just- I don’t think I’ll be able to handle losing him again.”

“I agree, which is why we’re making another pit stop,” Steve informs, voice tight around the edges. “It’s on the way though.”

Frowning, Ana wonders why Steve has decided to make another stop on this road trip, and where they could possibly be going.

*

 “When’s the last time any of us saw Bruce Banner?” Ana whispers as they approach the diner.

Steve hikes Alex further up his hip as he steps up to the door. “Two and a half years ago?”

“Let’s hope he’ll go for- whoa.” Scott starts, then abruptly stops.

Ana and Natasha exchanged confused looks, allowing Steve to enter the diner before them. He halts in his tracks. Alex startles, whimpering and hiding her face in Steve’s shoulder, fearfully clutching his jacket. Ana doesn’t even bother to see what scared her daughter, a spike of fear darkening the energy around her baby girl. Steve calmly turns, allowing Ana to take her from his arms.

“You should wait in the car,” He tells her, mystified expression on his face.

Ana peers around his body. “Oh. Oh my- what the hell?”

Waving happily in their direction, is the giant green hand of the Hulk. Dressed in a preppy cardigan sweater, and wearing black rimmed glasses. The sight is a little unnerving. 

“What the fuck?” Natasha breathes.

“We’ll be in the car.” Ana states, awkwardly waving back before she turns to leave.

She ends up finding an ice cream place not too far from the diner. Ana allows Alex to sit in the open trunk as she messily licks chocolate ice cream off her spoon. Ana keeps peering into the Diner, noting the disappointment look on Hulk’s- uh Bruce’s- on his face. 

As Ana wipes Alex’s face clean with wipes, the three adults exit the dinner with unreadable expressions. Except for Scott, he just looks utterly baffled. After Steve pulls onto the road again, Ana fishes for information.

“Sooo…” She drags out. “How-?”

“Bruce managed to merge himself and the Hulk together,” Natasha informs. “I don’t even know.”

“It was weird right? That was weird? It was weird.” Scott babbles.

“So he’s basically a hybrid?” Ana clarifies. “And yes, it’s a little weird.”

“A lot. It’s a lot weird- strange,” Scott whispers, eyes wide like he can’t unsee what he saw. 

Alex tilts her head curiously, then she offers her bunny to him. Scott breaks his shock, accepting the comfort stuffed animal. He gingerly pats her head and proceeds to make a show of cuddling the bunny to his chest. Pride and adoration bloom in Ana’s chest for her daughter.

“Right, well. What did he say? Did he agree?” Ana questions.

“Took a bit of convincing, but yes,” Steve answers, eyes meeting hers in the rear view mirror.

For the first time in three years, Ana allows herself just the faintest ounce of hope.

*

It takes three days for Bruce and Scott to figure out- hopefully - the Quantum Realm and traveling through it. Ana had stayed well out of the way, Quantum Physics being too far off her scope of practice. Although Bruce tried to persuade her into attempting to control and feeling out some of the energy raging through the portal. Ana refused; not that she possibly couldn’t  do it, but she had Alex to think about and if something went wrong well. She wasn’t going to make an orphan out of her daughter. 

Now Alex is taking turns feeding Ana her chicken nuggets as they sit at the dining table. The toddler tries to feed her stuffed animals sitting next to her, and Ana doesn't have the heart to tell her that her BunBun and Beary can’t actually eat it. So when she isn’t looking, Ana quickly eats their portions, just to make Alex smile in satisfaction.

Heavy footsteps echo from the entrance, an irritated Steve sped walking past, shaking his head. There’s a cloud of exasperated energy hanging over him, disappearing down the hallway towards his room. Ana stands, straining her ears to listen to what he might be doing. She doesn’t wait long, for he comes stomping back.

“Uh, Steve?” Ana calls cautiously.

“He turned into a baby,” Steve snaps, throwing his hands up in the air as he exits. “A fucking baby!”

Gaping, Ana just blinks, wondering what exactly happened down in the hanger. Then-

“Fucking!”

Ana gasps hearing her daughter’s little voice repeating the curse. She looks down, Alex oddly seems coy, proud of herself and she resembles Bucky so much, it almost makes Ana laugh.

“No!” Ana scolds, but her lips are twitching. 

“Fucking!” Alex chirps, munching on a chicken nugget.

“Jamie Alexander, that is a bad word. We do not say that.”

Alex hunches her shoulders, corners of her mouth pulled down, those sky blue eyes round and innocent. Ana holds out for as long as she can, narrowing her eyes with her arms crossed. Alex scoots the rest of her food over to her mother, the right corner of her mouth ticking up. Ana’s heart clenches; daughter of Bucky Barnes indeed.

“Swrry, mama,” Alex mumbles. "Is mad mommy?"

Finally, she cracks a smile. “No, baby doll.” She kisses her forehead and steals one more nugget. 

Five minutes pass, Alex carrying her plate to the sink with Ana’s help, when two sets of footsteps alert her. She hands her daughter another juice box, as Steve enters again. Trailing behind him is Tony.

Inhaling sharply, Ana stares at him. Tony being here means one thing. He shrugs, holding up his fist, a strange watch-like gadget wrapped around his hand.

“Figured it out,” Tony announces like he’s noting the weather. “Let’s not harp on it. I was getting bored up there, composting isn’t as thrilling as it sounds.”

Ana exhales on a half laugh. “We’re doing this then?”

The gleam in Tony’s dark eyes sparks a new hope in Ana’s chest.

“We’re doing this.”

****************************************************************

A/N:  This isn't one of the favorite chapters I've written so I apologize if it's lackluster or no one liked it. But, it's important to set up for the next chapters and coming to the end of this story.

Drabbles: Twenty-Five        Drabbles: Twenty-Seven 

 Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​ @buckyland​ @stressedasalways​ @watchoutforfrostbite​ @justreadingfics​ @keldachick​ @eurynome827​ @elatedmarvel​ @shesalatesh​ @paintedgreywriting​ @buckaroo-blue​ @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin​ @crushedbyhyperbole​ @jaxthebookworm​ @gamorazenn​ @happinessisaloadedgun​​ @je-suis-prest-rachel​​

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 25

The Barnes Girls

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Slight grief. Not shying away from breastfeeding

Words: I shit you not...16,071. I’m sorry. Idk what life is anymore.

A/N: (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me.

Every faint tick, every slight tock causes muscles to twitch, sets Steve on edge as he waits, wringing his hands together. Presses his fingers between the spaces of each knuckle until it hurts, then he switches. Knead, twist, press, switch hands, repeat.

The waiting room of the maternity ward is more welcoming than that of any others he has sat in, with good reason. Although it doesn’t ward off the nerves of Pepper, who had arrived just ten minutes after they took Ana to the delivery room. She keeps glancing at the obnoxious clock on the wall; her phone constantly vibrates.

When the lights began to flicker, dread settled deep in his bones, and Pepper’s panicked eyes met his. He couldn’t offer her any sort of comfort, and all Steve could imagine was how Bucky would be handling this situation if he were here. Next to his wife.

After what feels like hours, Natasha stumbles into the room, catching herself on the nearest chair. Both Steve and Pepper rush to her, Steve guiding her into the chair. Her fingers shake slightly as she grips his shoulder, her skin is paler than usual, her eyes look a little haunted. All things Steve has seen before, but not in this current situation, it makes his stomach drop to his feet.

“Natasha,” Pepper whispers in fear. “Is she? Are they-please tell me they’re okay?”

She nods once, wide green gaze meeting Pepper’s frantic expression. Nodding with more vigor, she says, “Mother and daughter are recovering. They’re fine now.”

The tremor in her voice, the way she phrased her words, Steve immediately figures out the birth wasn’t easy. He swallows thickly. “What happened?”

“They’re fine now.” Natasha repeats, more aware. “But- she almost…I don’t understand what happened. None of us did.”

Pepper leaves her side to quickly grab her water bottle and forces it into Natasha’s hands. Steve waits patiently, rubbing comforting circles on her back. She takes several long sips, inhales deeply, then nods again.

“Placental abruption.”

“Oh god,” Pepper gasps, hand flying to cover her mouth.

“What?” Steve can’t help but question. Judging by Pepper’s reaction, it wasn’t good.

“She’s okay, they’re okay, I swear,” Nat reassures them. “Ana’s placenta ruptured right as she started delivery. Doctor Hammond was amazing, was able to stop the bleeding quickly, but before that…I think that shield Ana had around the baby broke. It suddenly wasn’t there anymore. When the baby came, s-she wasn’t breathing right away, she didn’t even cry.”

She drags her hand down her face, her eyes glazing over. “I don’t know if Ana could hear what was happening, but she knew, she knew something was wrong and the power started going haywire. I t-think she transferred every ounce of her energy to the baby because then she just….flatlined.”

Steve’s lungs stop working, his blood turns cold. For a wild second, he pictures Ana lifeless in that room, giving everything she had to her baby. Blessedly, logic reminds him that both she and the baby are recovering. He digs his nails into his palm, keeps his emotions in check. He casts a quick glance to Pepper, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“It was only for a few seconds a minute maybe,” Nat continues. “But when she did whatever she did, the baby started crying. They took her away to check her over. They surrounded Ana and pushed me aside. There was so much blood…so much-“

“Nat,” Steve interrupts her as gently as he can, pulling her focus back to them. “You said they’re okay now?”

“Y-yeah. Everyone thought- no one knows what happened. She wasn’t breathing, her heart stopped, then suddenly, she was gasping and asking for her baby.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Pepper whispers after a stretch of silence. “How is that possible?”

Natasha shrugs, her head falling back against the wall. “Could be her powers? Could have been the serum? They’re spending the night in the ICU, just so the doctor can monitor them closely, but both Ana’s and the baby’s vitals are normal, healthy.”

“You think the serum saved Ana, or both of them?” Steve muses, keeping his voice low. His mind is reeling.

“I don’t know, Steve,” She sighs wearily, her eyes slipping closed. “It happened so fast, everything did.”

Taking off his leather jacket, Steve places it over his shaken friend. “Want me to take you home?”

“No, I don’t mind staying,” She answers quietly. “Pepper-“

Pepper takes Natasha’s hand and hastily wipes the tears falling down her own cheeks. “Y-yes?”

“It’s alright. They’re okay, I swear. You’re family, they might allow you to see them.”

She sniffs. “It’s worth a try. Is she, the baby, is she small?”

A slow smile spread across Nat’s lips, her eyes cracking open. “Tiny. Five pounds, four ounces, seventeen inches. She’s so small. Healthy and breathing on her own though.”

With Natasha’s constant reassurance, despite how scared she looked when she came out, relief overcomes Steve. The tightness in his chest eases, his muscles relax, he can breathe easier, and the rocks in his stomach are gone.

Pepper throws her arms around Natasha as best she can. Her phone buzzes again, and finally, after a gracious kiss to Nat’s head, gets up to answer the call. Steve has a suspicion the frantic vibrations are calls from Tony.

“Hey,” Steve nudges the sleepy woman in the chair.

Nat hums in response. He pushes stray hairs away from her cheek and behind her ear. Tear tracks shine against the fluorescent light of the waiting room. Just then, the other family that had been waiting in the back corner all stand when two new fathers enter. Steve smiles at them, then tunes out their excitement and celebrations, focusing on his friend.

“Nat, let's get you home. If they let Pepper stay, Ana and the baby will be well taken care of.”

“Don’t you want to see them?” Natasha blinks back to full consciousness. “She’s beautiful, Steve.”

“I bet, but there’s no point in us spending the night. Let’s rest up, visit them tomorrow.”

Blowing out a breath, Natasha suddenly pushes herself off the chair, sliding her arms through the brown jacket. It’s a show of solace, put on for Pepper’s sake; if Natasha is comfortable leaving, then hopefully that convinces Pepper that things are good.

“You sure you’re okay?” Steve murmurs, steadying her as she sways.

“M’fine, Rogers. I’m not the one who just gave birth.” Though she does hook her arm through his when he offers. “Ana was phenomenal though, up to that last second.”

“I have no doubt.” Steve pats her hand as Pepper comes back from the hallway.

Her eyes are red, her face damp as she pockets her phone. She wipes her cheeks, her shaky hand trailing down her neck, tapping her thumb against her collarbone. It’s a trait she shares with Ana.

“I caught a nurse in the hallway,” She informs them, “She said I could stay.”

Steve nods, thankful that Ana will have family with her overnight. He gives her a strong, comforting hug as they say goodnight, and thanks her for rushing over. 

“It’s still tense between them,” She mumbles in his ear, “but Tony was worried. He still cares for her. He’s happy they’re okay.”

Steve hugs her a bit tighter, then steps back to let the women say goodnight. Once him and Nat leave, and he settles her in the car, promising to stop for coffee somewhere, she exhales. 

Natasha turns her head to look at him as he pulls into traffic. “She’s got his eyes, Steve. I don’t how that’s possible. Newborns just don’t have eyes that blue so quickly.”

An abrupt burning settles in Steve’s throat. “She-she has Bucky’s eyes?”

“Yeah. She’s beautiful.”

He bites the side of his cheek to hold off the tears stinging his eyes.

**

Gentle fingers stroke through sweat damp, tangled hair, pulling Ana back from the light doze she just fell into.

“Bucky?” She mumbles, dazed, blinking away an orange hue from her vision.

Instead of the strange dream world, her eyes focus on a little bundle wrapped in a blanket next to her. Her arm is outstretched, tiny fingers wrapped around her index finger. Ana pops her head up to see better, watching her baby’s chest rise and fall. Reassured her daughter is still breathing, and the numbers on the monitor haven’t changed, she finally becomes aware of her surroundings.

“Pep?” Ana questions, her eyes tearing up.

“Hey, Bug,” Pepper smiles at her, fingers still combing through her hair.

 “When did you get here?”

“About four hours ago. Dr. Hammond said I could stay the night, if it’s alright with you. I understand if you don’t-“

“No, please stay.” Ana begs quietly. She takes her cousin's hand with her free one, and squeezes. “I need you here.”

The older woman leans over and presses a kiss to her forehead, then notices the IV in her hand. “How are you feeling? Natasha told me everything, and I spoke with the doctor.”

Inhaling deeply, Ana glances at her daughter again, watching her tiny nose twitch. “I haven’t been told the details yet, but, I feel okay. Sore, in a little pain, but otherwise okay. She still has all ten fingers and toes right?”

Pepper hides her smile by biting her lip. She follows Ana’s line of sight, peering over the plastic hospital crib. “Don’t see little toes just yet, but I’m sure they’re all there.”

Ana huffs a laugh, looking over her daughter once more. For being a preemie, and whatever birth complication had happened, her little baby is only hooked up to two wires; heart and oxygen monitors. She motions for Pepper to help her sit up as she carefully slips her finger out of her daughter’s grasp. The loss of contact causes her chest to tighten, as if her powers can feel the new energy breaking off.

“Pep, this is Jamie Alexandra Barnes.”

Her expression cracks, eyes shining with sympathy. 

“I think I’ll call her by Alex though,” Ana inputs, leaning over to cup her daughter’s head. Her eyes begin to water. “I think I was planning to name my baby after my brother no matter what, but then,” She clears her throat as a tear escapes her eye. “I think it’s a good way to honor both of them.”

The older woman squeezes her shoulder in a comforting gesture. “It’s perfect. May I hold her?” 

“Of course, just mind the wires.”

She watches as her cousin carefully picks up her daughter, Ana’s fingers twitching to grab hold of her. Instead, she folds her hands together, ignoring the urge to take her baby back in her arms. Alex is perfectly safe in Pepper’s grasp, she’s family, she’s a mother. She knows what she’s doing.

Ana focuses on Pepper’s face, her bright smile, her proud eyes as she quietly talks to the baby. Introducing herself and making cooing sounds. Alex squirms for a moment, but stays fast asleep. Ana reaches over to retuck the bottom of the blanket that unfastened, and the odd itch in her hands dissipates. 

Pepper doesn’t hold her for too long, passing the snoozing baby back to Ana. She has an inkling that Pepper may have sensed the unease of her daughter in someone else’s arms. Sending a grateful smile toward her cousin, she snuggles Alex close to her chest as her baby grunts softly, her head moving like she’s trying to get comfortable. 

“She’s so small,” Pepper comments, placing her hand over the baby’s back. “I told Tony.”

Ana blinks. “Oh. Good. I-I forgot to text…”

“You were a little preoccupied.” She chuckles. “Mind if I take a picture later to show him? I know Morgan’s been excited about a baby.”

“Uh, yeah...they should meet the newest family member.”

Pepper kisses the top of her, no doubt hearing the thickness of her voice. 

*

Five hours pass, the room is dark, Pepper is lounging on the reclining rocker and Ana is cradling her baby, just peering at her face.

“You better be sleeping,” Mumbles Pepper from the chair. Ana doesn’t look her way, just continues to gaze down at her daughter as she makes the tiniest sniffles and coos. 

“Can’t help it,” She whispers, gently fixing the blanket. “I just have to make sure she’s real. It’s normal to be scared if she stops breathing during the night, right?”

“Absolutely. Just remember to try and sleep when she does, Bug. You’re going to be exhausted these next few days. Then for the rest of your life, it comes with motherhood.”

Ana chuckles softly. “I’m so in love with her already.”

That’s putting it lightly. From the moment Alex was laid against her chest, the intense warmth Ana felt in her heart again was overwhelming. She’s barely holding it together as it is. She lowers her head, carefully placing her forehead against her daughter’s. Soft, little breaths blow against her chin, the rhythm of her baby’s heartbeat comforts her. Ana inhales deeply, the scent of her daughter, clean and something indescribable settles any nerves on the fray.

Closing her eyes, she takes in this moment, revels in the senses she had been numbing since the day Bucky died. She was scared she would never feel this strongly again; feel her soul stir with light, her heartbeat with every fierce ounce of protection, of love, of life. All from the tiny girl snuggled in her arms.

Her daughter. Bucky’s daughter. Their child.

Ana moves to press a delicate kiss to the beanie atop her head, smiling down at Alex. Her tiny eyelids flutter, staring up at Ana with groggy dark blue eyes. With a pang in her heart, she hopes her eyes remain blue.

Just then, Alex begins to fuss, wiggling beneath the blanket. Her soft snuffles and grunts on the verge of tears immediately breaks her heart; that’s going to take some getting used to.

“Pep,” Ana looks up at her cousin in slight panic. “What if-what if I can’t do this? How do I know if she’s hungry or too hot, or too cold or-“

Pepper quickly moves next to the bed, placing an encouraging hand over Ana’s. She carefully loosened the blanket around the baby. “You’ll know, you’ll pick up on it, I promise. She’s probably just getting hungry now.”

Soon after, Alex begins to cry. Ana unbuttons the top of her gown from her shoulder. Pepper makes to leave, but Ana requests her to stay, just in case. The two times she tried breastfeeding, it was a struggle that weighed heavily in Ana’s gut. With the advice from her cousin, and the help from the nurse that popped in, this feeding goes much smoother. 

Once Alex is full and content, and gets a new diaper change, she quickly falls back asleep. Ana places her back in the crib cart, then desperately asks the nurse to help her take a shower. Due to Dr. Hammond’s orders, she couldn’t fully shower or get off the bed for several hours, just to make sure Ana’s body had time to recuperate.

As she’s helped off the bed and takes one step away from her baby, she whips her head around, brows pinching together as she bites her lip. It’s the first time she hasn’t been touching her constantly; the sensation of an invisible band snapping halts her.

“Ana?” Pepper calls curiously. “What is it?”

She shakes her head, pressing her hand to her chest. “I just- it feels like I lost connection.”

Despite her vagueness, recognition crosses Pepper’s face. “Your energy?”

Ana nods, stepping back to rest her hand over her baby’s foot. Her body feels warm again, her heart settles, her stomach eases. That might be an issue later on, if she can hardly step away from Alex.

“Hey,” Pepper stands, cupping her hand over Ana’s cheek. “It’s okay, that’s normal even without powers like yours. I’ll watch over Alex, she’s safe. She will be right here when you get back.”

“Is it because I-“ Ana cuts herself off, sparing a glance at the nurse, Julia. She’s not sure how much she truly knows about Ana’s case. The reassuring smile she offers her says that Julia was informed. “Because I transferred my own energy to her?”

“Possibly, and you did carry her for eight months. We’ll figure it out, it’s not something you need to stress over now, alright? You’ll feel much better after a warm shower.”

Taking her cousin’s words to heart, Ana slowly uncurls her fingers around her daughter’s tiny foot. The same feeling comes back, although not as intense; maybe it will get better as time goes on.

*

Bitter cold weather brings in the next morning with frost covered windows and slick roads. Steve drives cautiously as he pulls in the hospital’s parking lot. After he checks in, gets issued a visitor’s pass, he meets with Dr. Hammond in her office. They chat about the discretion of Ana, and who exactly knows the wife and child of a super soldier occupy a room five floors up. 

Thankfully, that knowledge has been kept to Dr. Hammond and the three nurses on shift during Ana’s stay. Steve promised he would keep her and her baby safe, and if that means bringing the NDA’s Pepper brought along with her for the to sign, then so be it. If it means potentially hacking into the hospital’s external camera to erase when Ana arrived, no problem. Over precautious, yes, overprotective, not at all. It’s the least he can do to honor his promise to Bucky too.

Not many visitor’s give Steve the time of day, barely any curious glances as he makes his way to the maternity ward. He’s grateful, but has a nagging feeling that most people no longer give a shit about him or who’s left of the Avengers; they didn’t avenge anything.

He finally arrives on the fifth floor, stepping out of the elevator, making sure the gift bag in his hand doesn’t accidentally hit any rushing nurses. When he finds the correct room, the door is open, the sight before him stops him from entering. Instead, he leans his shoulder against the frame, a warm smile stretching across his lips.

Ana is propped up in the bed, a bundle of a blanket and a fuzz of dark hair cradled in her arms. She gazes down at the infant, her smile soft. She moves one hand to gently smooth out the hair on her daughter’s head, her touch delicate, loving.

A surge of emotions crash through his heart, warm and overjoyed, yet melancholy all the same. A dark thought crosses his mind; if Steve could trade places with Bucky in a heartbeat, he would. He abruptly feels guilty, like he’s stealing a moment only meant for Bucky. He shouldn’t be a witness to this tender love between mother and daughter.

Ana suddenly looks up, probably sensing his uncontrollable emotions. He tampers them back, locking them deep inside his heart.

“Steve, hi.” She exhales. She looks exhausted but welcoming.

“Hey there. How are you girls doing?” He questions, pushing himself from the doorway into the room. He puts the gift bag on the empty chair next to the bed.

“Good, she’s doing good. Had a little scare during the night when her oxygen dropped a little, but she’s been breathing on her own again.”

“That’s a relief then.” He steps closer, but the baby’s face is obscured by the blanket.

“Would you like to meet my daughter?” She inquires softly. 

He nods eagerly. Ana pushes the cloth back, tucking the blanket around her shoulders. Ana lifts her arms as he meets her halfway, sliding one arm under the baby, and cradling her head with his other hand. Once she’s safe and secure in his arms, Ana releases her; he doesn’t miss the way she immediately tenses up, her fists clutching the sheets.

“You sure you’re okay with me holding her?” Steve double checks, snuggling the baby closer to his chest.

“Yeah, I’ll explain later.” She reassures him. 

Ana pushes her hand through her hair, strands falling loose from the braid it’s in. She slumps down further in bed, shifting her legs to make space for him. Steve relents, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed. For as exhausted as she looks, her color has come back, her eyes are tired, but bright.

Steve pulls his gaze from Ana, his eyes falling on the sweet face of the little girl in his arms. She had just woken up, squirming just a bit as her eyes flutter open and close. Then, she looks at him. Steve understands it now, what Natasha was talking about. Dark blue irises peer up at him, every wave of emotion Steve attempted to hold off comes slamming through him all at once. It’s surreal, holding Bucky’s daughter, eyes too similar like her father’s staring back at him.

Wish you were here, pal, Steve yearns, biting his lip to keep it from shaking. He swallows the tight lump in his throat as the baby snuffles and wiggles. Steve quickly adjusts her, Ana’s hands coming up like she wants to help, but drops them when her daughter settles again. Her eyes begin to shut.

“She’s beautiful, Ana.” Steve chokes out.

“She’s perfect.” She responds softly.

He agrees, marveling at how small the baby looks in his arms. If only Bucky were here for this, to hold his own daughter in his equally large arms. Steve glances up, noting the look on Ana’s face; he has no doubt she wishes the same.

It’s then he spots the identification card taped to the crib. “So, Jamie, huh?” 

“Jamie Alexandra. I’m gonna call her Alex, stick with the same middle name like her-her father did.”

“Jamie Alexandra Barnes. I’m gonna call you nugget, or coffee bean, considering how much coffee your mama had. Huh? What do you think, Alex? Little coffee bean.”

“Two cups!” Ana snorts indignantly, waving her hand. “Not even 24 hours and my daughter will already have an identity crisis.” She snuggles down deeper in bed, wincing. Steve’s concern must show on his face. “I’m fine, still sore.”

“I’m happy you’re both doing well,” He says looking back down, gently rocking side to side. Alex has fallen asleep in his hold. 

A gentle hand rests on his bicep, fingers giving the muscle a light squeeze. When he glances up, the grateful smile on Ana’s lips soften her face. She blinks slowly, head tilting back against the pillows.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Steve.” She murmurs, about to succumb to sleep.

“Promised I would,” He responds. He moves his right arm from under his left, supporting the sleeping child with one arm, grabbing Ana’s hand to give her a comforting squeeze back. “But just you wait, Alex. Your uncle Steve is going to spoil you rotten.”

Sighing, Ana rolls her eyes before shutting them. She pinches his skin with no strength behind the action, then slips her hand away. “Mind if I nap a little? I just fed and changed her before you came in, should be good for a while.”

“Rest, I’ve got her.”

Ana hums, exhaling. “I know.”

Her words make him smile again, and reminds him that despite any tension or fights between them, Ana still inexplicably trusts him. Standing, he pulls the sheets higher, tucking them around her shoulders, then he settles in the rocking chair after moving the gift bag. Alex sniffles for a moment, still fast asleep. 

For this moment in time, as Steve details her face, everything feels like it’s going to be okay; a bright light in the darkness of the world. A nagging thought jabs at the back of his mind, a dread lingering in the shadows, waiting. But just for now as both Barnes girls’ slumber on, Steve ignores it. Instead he relishes in the present, content to watch over Bucky’s girls.

*

Ana wakes to fussing noises, quickly sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She immediately spots Steve with Alex propped up against his shoulder, gently patting her back as he sways side to side. When he spots Ana reaching out to him, he passes her baby over quickly. The fussing turns into loud cries, Ana hurrying to unbutton her top, maneuvering Alex around into a more comfortable position. She settles her baby against her breast, muttering encouraging words to her. Ana tips her head back, closing her eyes once more. The second she feels Alex latch on, her eyes fly open.

“Oh! Oh my god, yes, you did it, Alex. You latched!” Ana exclaims in a hushed tone. In her excitement for being able to feed her daughter properly without anyone’s help, she looks up, then laughs.

Steve has his back turned, shoulders hunched, his arms clearly crossed and his head ducked down. His weight shifts from foot to foot, shoes squeaking against the tile. 

“Steve, what are you doing?” She asks in between her snickers.

“Just-uh-giving you privacy,” He answers sheepishly. His ears look red from where Ana is sitting. “Glad she-uh that- food. That she’s, um, good for her!”

Her laughter disrupts Alex, causing her to release, and spill a little. “Whoops, sorry sweetie, there we go.” 

“You’ve already scarred Rogers, huh? That was fast,” Teases a new voice from the door.

“Natasha,” Ana calls happily, beckoning her to come in with her free hand.

“Listen, in my day this stuff was incredibly private,” Steve defends. 

Natasha glides up to him, patting his shoulder. “Why don’t you go and find some of your own lunch, bring me back some coffee.”

Steve’s shoulders sag, barely shooting a glance over to Ana before he utters a “I’’ll be back”, then hurries out of the room, closing the door behind him. Natasha cackles, shaking her head, then promptly fits herself next to Ana on the side free of wires.

“Didn’t mean to, my brain was in must feed baby mode,” Ana sighs, resting her head against her friend’s shoulder.

“That made my day. Where’s Pepper?”

Ana explains her cousin took a forced break by her request. Pepper said she needed to get something from the compound anyway. Natasha remain stoic to that info, instead she tells Ana to open the gift Steve brought after she finishes feeding Alex. Once she’s done, Ana hoists the baby on her shoulder, beginning to burp her.

With Nat’s assistance, they change her and swaddle her back up. Natasha cradles Alex in her arms as she hands over the gift. Taking out the tissue paper, she reaches into the bag pulling out an incredibly soft blanket; pink and white with little watercolor roses adorning it. It’s beautiful, and something Steve would definitely pick out himself, given the nature of the artful flowers. 

It’s not the only thing in there, as she pulls out books of bedtime stories, two onesies, a little stuffed owl, and a merchandise beanie with the Captain America shield on the front. Ana stifles her laugh behind her hand at the hat he clearly bought as a joke. The last item she pulls out, sobers her abruptly.

In her hands, rests the socks Bucky had bought in Wakanda, the little goats staring back at her. Her chest tightens, a lump forming in her throat as her eyes sting with tears. Ana traces over the embroidered goats, remembering Bucky tracing his hand over her cheek in that odd dream she had. She hasn’t told anyone about it yet, hell, she can’t be sure if it truly happened. She can’t just say Bucky made her go back, and that’s probably why her heart started beating again. 

It’s a crazy theory. 

“How…?” Ana trails off, her voice fading.

“He called Okoye, and spoke to Queen Ramonda,” Natasha informs. Alex cooing in her hold. “Pepper told him how upset you were when you couldn’t find them. The Queen found them in a drawer, along with some other items you left behind. She offered to send them over if you still want them.”

She’s speechless, rubbing the fabric between her fingers. An onslaught of loss shoots through her chest, the dark void she had nearly forgotten about for the past two days rears back with a vengeance. Ana suddenly needs to hold her daughter, the connecting energy she feels is fading and if she doesn’t have Alex in her arms soon, she fears her baby will disappear just like her father did.

“Nat,” Ana says in near panic, holding out her arms. “I-I need her.”

“Okay, okay, yeah. She’s right here,” Natasha carefully transfers Alex back to her, pulling her hands back the second Ana has a good hold. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No!” She begs, then repeats it quieter. “No, sorry. I don’t know what’s going on. It feels like I can’t let go of her for too long. My e-energy feels off whenever I do.”

Natasha waves an aloof hand. “Nothing to get stressed about right now. Focus on yourselves until you get home, and even then. Just take your time, bond with each other.”

The lazy hand she flicked in the air lands firmly on Ana’s shoulder. She can’t comprehend how Nat seems so calm at the moment, but her energy is seeping into Ana, it helps. She acknowledges her words with a dip of her head, then presses her forehead against her daughter’s.

*

Five days later:

After almost a week in the hospital, and one anxiety ridden night in the NICU to monitor Alex’s oxygen level when the numbers dropped too low for the doctor’s liking, they are finally released. They receive warm welcomes as Ana carries her small baby through the doors of the living compound. Ana introduces Jamie Alexandra Barnes to each of them.

“I’m calling her Alex,” She tells them, pulling back the blanket to expose her face more.

Rocket hops up on the dining table, resting his hands on Ana’s shoulder to balance as he lays eyes on Alex for the first time. He sniffs, his expression broadcasting a wave of different emotions that Ana can’t quite place.

“That’s the smallest Terran I’ve ever seen,” He states casually, “She’s...cute. Look at that head of hair though, what a little fuzz ball.”

Ana snorts. “Look who’s talking.” It earns her a mocking glare which she returns.

Nebula bends lower to get a closer look, her stoic expression softens a touch. She blinks, clears her throat and says, “She looks too soft, squishy,” she pauses for a moment. “Pretty, but soft.”

The smile on Rhodes’ face is brighter than Ana has seen for a while. He holds his hand out. “May I?”

“Oh, yes, yes. I’ve had to go to the bathroom since we left,” Ana chuckles, carefully handing her baby over. She hesitates, the same odd sensation shooting through her chest. She ignores it, makes sure Rhodey is holding her head properly, but she makes for the nearest bathroom.

She heads down the hall and hears Carol say, “Looks like there’s a new boss in town, huh? Gonna have everyone wrapped around your little fingers, aren’t ya, baby Barnes?”

When she comes back, Rhodey passes Alex back to her, Ana announces they’re going to get settled in, hopefully not overwhelming Alex too soon. Steve is close behind her, carrying the car seat and diaper bag. Nat and Pepper dropped them off so they could run to the store for things Ana might need.

She stops at the doorway, her mouth falling open in shock. “Wha- what is this?”

Steve is quick to explain. “I, uh, figured you might want or need more space. So, we decided to expand your room. It’s nothing great, since they had five days, but-“

“There’s a kitchenette.” Ana remarks, “They knocked that whole wall out?”

Her room has been renovated; the wall separating a smaller empty room next to hers was taken down. A kitchen in its place, setup with a fridge, a small table, a bottle warmer set up on the counters they put in. A stove top plate sitting next to it. A small sink, a microwave. There’s even a nursery section decorated for Alex. It’s mainly an open concept but installed is a sliding door connected to the ceiling, just in case.

The crib is set up opposite Ana's bed, some pictures of calming nature scenes on the wall, a new mobile of purple owls hanging over the crib. The changing station is next to the crib, diapers and wipes and washcloths all neatly stacked on its shelves. A comfortable looking rocking chair sits next to it. Pacifiers, bottles, stuffed animals, and onesies, and a small baby bath are all organized on a small dresser. A bassinet sits next to her bed.

“You didn’t have to do all this, Steve.” She chokes, overwhelmed. 

“Wasn’t all me,” He gestures towards an envelope taped to the side of the crib.

Holding her baby securely in one arm, Ana opens the envelope with her free hand. Something flutters to the floor as she pulls the card out.

Congratulations on the small new human, it reads. 

Ana snorts; the awkwardness somehow transferring via a handwritten note.

It’s the best I could do on short notice. I upgraded FRIDAY’s protocols to act like a baby monitor throughout the compound, for extra security purposes. 

-TS

It's a simple to the point card, but her nose still tingles with the threat of tears. Despite the current tense and strained nature of her and Tony’s relationship, he still cares. Or, as a nasty thought curls in her mind, at least cares for her daughter. 

Steve bends to pick up the object that fell to the floor, handing Ana the folded paper. She shakes her head vehemently, refusing to take it. She knows what it is; she’d rather not know the amount written on the obvious check.

“Ana,” Steve cajoles softly. “I think you should accept it.”

“I can’t. I don’t want to.” She refuses. “I-I don’t need his money.”

“He’s family. Him and Pepper.”

“I don’t need anyone else’s money.” Ana repeats firmly. “I have enough. I have plenty.”

Steve’s jaw clenches, his blue eyes tightening around the edges just slightly. It’s enough for Ana to pick up on his feeling of the situation. Remaining silent, he opens the check, one eyebrow arching up as he reads the amount. Then he sighs, refolds it and slips the check into his back pocket.

“Fine. I’ll give it back to Pepper.” He snipes with a forceful breath. “I’ll leave you both to get settled.”

Ana doesn’t reply, just turns and lowers Alex into the bassinet. 

“I know you both still have issues to work out, but it’s Tony. I know he’s been there for you during everything, good and bad. I think you both should just hash it out and fix it.” 

“Look who’s talking,” Ana mutters bitterly, briefly meeting her gaze.

Steve pauses at the door; the same expression hardens his face. “Touché.” He retorts, before shutting the door behind him.

Collapsing on her bed, Ana shoves her hands through her hair, releasing a frustrated growl. Just then, Alex begins to cry. She immediately regrets her actions, vaguely wondering if her own emotions will affect her baby, if maybe her daughter will be hypersensitive to her mother’s energy.

A few hours later, as Ana is changing out diapers, the door opens with a knock, Pepper slipping in to sit on her bed. A quick glance over at her, her arms crossed, her expression stern, has Ana rolling her eyes.

“Don’t,” She pleads, carefully dressing Alex in a new swaddle outfit.

“Why won’t you accept the check?” Pepper demands in a way that has Ana almost feeling guilty. Almost.  

“Because,” Ana stresses, picking up her infant to hoist her over her shoulder. “I have enough of my own money saved up. Money from wills, as you know, from work and-” She hesitates, gently kisses Alex when she makes less than happy noises. Patting her bottom, she gathers herself and continues. “Bucky had money, too. A lot actually.”

Intrigue colors Pepper’s face, though she chooses to not comment on the admission. “Just so you know, it wasn’t out of pity or guilt. It was from both of us, as a gift.”

“I’m sorry. I appreciate it, I do, but I can’t accept it. The renovation was enough. Your presence is enough.”

Her cousin shrugs in lieu of a response, shaking her head. 

“Now,” Ana says, grabbing the breast pump machine. “Will you help me with this thing?”

**

The first night home finds Ana staring at her slumbering daughter in the bassinet. She can’t pull her eyes off of Alex, how beautiful and perfect she looks, how peaceful she is as she sleeps. Ana reaches out, her touch tracing over soft smooth skin, small fingers with tiny fingernails. She’s got the cutest little nose, barely any fuzz for eyebrows, and the slightest indent in her chin that makes Ana’s heart ache.

Leaning down to kiss the soft fuzz of hair, she inhales the unique scent of her baby, the scent newborns carry but no one can ever explain. She readjusts the swaddle blanket, tucking it in correctly, chuckling at the tiny jumping sheep decorating the fabric. Abruptly, a memory resurfaces in her mind.

  Strong arms snake suddenly around Ana’s waists as she stirs soup on the stove. “What if the baby is scared of me?” Bucky mumbles glumly, his face tucked in her neck.

Ana frowns at the stove before she turns her head enough to kiss his forehead. “What would ever give you that idea, babe?”

Bucky splays his metal hand over her stomach. “This.”

His voice cracking causes Ana to turn around, abandoning the ladle in the pot. She grasps his face in her hands, picking up his head so he has no choice but to look into her eyes. His incredible blue eyes, darkened by anxiety, glistening with tears. His expression tugs at her heart.

“Oh, love,” Ana coos, wiping away a tear that’s fallen. “There is no way that is going to happen.”

“How can you be so sure? Even the kids in the village were scared,” He pouts.

“Bucky, they were only nervous because they hadn’t seen you with this beautiful arm before. They weren’t scared then and they aren’t scared now.”

The struggle to believe her is evident in his wet eyes. She can feel the gloom of his energy weighing in his bones; reminds her of the first few times of the Deprogramming Sessions. His bottom lip quivers briefly, his face screwing up with more emotion as a clear thought races through his mind. Ana can practically see it.

“What if I hurt your baby, Ana?” He cries softly, dropping his hands from her stomach. 

“Our baby. Yours and mine.” Ana corrects him vehemently. “You are not going to hurt our child, Bucky. I know you won’t. Want to know why?”

“I’ve hurt you before,” He argues, predicting what she was going to say.

“Those don’t count. You were triggered and you stopped. You always stopped yourself- but that’s not the point. Bucky, sweetheart, the triggers are gone. They aren’t in your head anymore. Your protectiveness is. Your gentleness is. Your desire to protect the ones you love has always been inside you. And that is why I know you won’t hurt our child. That is why our baby will not be scared of you, because you are its father. They’ll feel safe with you, always.”

Bucky is nodding, but the shadows in his eyes are still there. Ana carefully transfers her own energy into his anxious dark one, hoping to convey the sincerity of her words.

“Hey, James, come back to me,” She coaxes softly, brushing her fingers through his long hair. 

His eyes flutter, but after several long moments, they begin to clear of any haunting doubts. She takes Bucky’s left hand, kissing his palm before, placing his hand back over her stomach. 

“I know you already love this tiny bean,” She continues, “And I know how much you’ll love and protect our son or daughter when they’re born. I have zero doubts about it. Do you believe me?”

Bucky sniffs, turning to kiss her scarred wrist. “Now I do. I just got scared.”

“I’m scared too, just not of you.”

He suddenly pulls her into his chest, hugging her firmly. He presses his lips to her temple, holding onto her for a long time. After her feet begin to ache a bit, Bucky finally releases her. 

“Ya know, those sheep were never scared of me either,” Bucky muses, a crooked smile tugging his lips.

Ana laughs, tugging his hair. “They know a good man when they see one.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. Now, just relax on the couch and I’ll bring you some soup. Then after,” Ana pulls him closer, trailing her lips from the corner of his mouth to his ear. “I’ll really make you feel better.”

Bucky shivers, grabbing the back of her neck to maneuver her head, pressing a deep kiss to her lips. “You always do,” He says huskily. He kisses her again, slow and tender, grateful and loving. 

*

Ana sniffs, wiping the tears of memories from her face. She desperately wishes Bucky were here right now, gazing down at his daughter with pride and happiness. She wishes she could see him hold Alex in his protective and loving arms. Wishes she could witness how incredibly gentle, how delicate he would be with her. How he would insist Ana get as much rest as she can. She can almost hear his voice praise her, whispering words of affection to her, holding them both in his grasp. 

“Take care of her, Annie.”

Ana rubs her eyes, shaking the echo of his voice away. She hadn’t mentioned what happened to anyone. She vividly recalls the odd dream, if that’s what she can label is as; it just felt so real. Bucky’s touch, his words, the smile on his face. How he said her. Her, as if he already met his daughter before anyone else. It’s a ridiculous notion, it’s probably delusion from her grief ridden brain, but he knew. 

“Take care of her…” 

Gathering herself, Ana wipes her face with her shirt, takes a deep breath, then nods. “I will.” She promises into the night. “For both of us.”

The rest of the night is filled with waking every few hours to gentle cries of hunger, or coos and grunts of a newborn refusing to fall asleep for several minutes. Ana barely gets sleep that night, but when she does drift off, she feels a delicate caress against her cheek. When she wakes, no one is there, just her daughter sleeping soundlessly. 

The first week is filled with the same cycle. Ana doesn’t mind the late-night feeds or the help of Pepper popping in. She doesn’t mind standing up to burp her baby, pace around the room humming or rocking her back to sleep. What proves to be difficult isn’t when Alex refuses to latch, or cries when she gets too cold during a clothing change. No, it’s the odd energy connecting mother and daughter. It’s the same snapping sensation every time Ana isn’t touching her baby.

Natasha and Nebula bear witness to this one night during the second week, when Ana hands Alex over to Nebula in the rocking chair. The second her hands aren’t touching her, is the second the brokenness slams into her. She gaps, forces herself to take a step back and shakes her hands. 

Nat rushes to her, questioning if she’s hurt, if anything is wrong. Ana performs the same exercise she used to do with Bucky so long ago, counting and taking deep breaths, feeling what’s around her. 

Logically, she knows Alex is safe, cooing in Nebula’s arms five feet from her. The poor woman seems lost, on edge as she stands, intent on handing back her baby. Ana holds her hand up to stop her. She finally explains the loss of connection she has been feeling every time Ana isn’t touching her child. 

“It’s possible it could be from when you gave birth,” Natasha muses a little while later. 

She had made tea, decaf to Ana’s displeasure, to help calm her. Nebula kept Alex in her hold, though she compromised by sitting close to Ana so she could at least hold her daughter’s foot.

“I think it’s from the duration of your pregnancy, if I’m being honest,” Nat continues. “I spoke with Danvers about it, and she agreed. That protective shield, how you were transferring your energy, what happened when Alex was born.”

“Maybe,” Ana relents, studying Alex’s face. Her eyes seem more alert, and when Ana speaks, her eyes move towards her voice her tiny lips twitching. The notion makes her smile at her daughter, wiggling her foot lightly. “At least that warmth is still there though.”

“Warmth?” Nebula questions lowly. She refuses to speak just above a whisper whenever she holds Alex. It’s quite endearing.

“When I first held Alex, it felt like warmth came back to my soul.” There’s a pause. “Wow, that was corny.”

Ana has known Natasha for years now, she’s one of her closest friends besides Steve. She has worked with her, bypassed any walls the spy first put up when they met and did healing sessions. The way she laughs now is forced, her eyes tight, smile strained; it’s fake. She’s hiding a speculation.

“What?” Ana asks flatly. She shrugs, nonchalant. Ana narrows her eyes. “You know something.”

Natasha is saved from answering by Alex beginning to fuss. She wiggles in Nebula’s arm, her little face screwing up just as she starts to cry. Panic crosses the woman’s face, quickly but carefully holding out the baby to Ana.

“Did I hurt her?” She asks regretfully.

“No, no.” Ana reassures, taking Alex from her. “It’s about time for her to eat, she’s just hungry.”

Nebula falls back on the bed, fists clenched over her eyes. “Tiny humans are stressful.”

That gets genuine laughs out of the other two women.

Later, Ana corners Natasha, asking what she was thinking about earlier. She shrugs, handing Ana a sandwich.

“You connected your souls with Bucky, right? Well, Alex is also his daughter...think about it.”

Ana mulls over her words into the night while she feeds Alex. As Ana dozes off, she hears it. His voice. She hasn’t heard it since Alex was born, could have sworn she just made it up.

Annie

Ana startles awake, accidentally disrupting her baby, who snuffles in protest. Once she starts breastfeeding Alex on her other side, Ana has an epiphany. 

Bucky’s voice, those dreams, that dream she had when she was giving birth, the one she nearly forgot about until now. The one where Bucky touched her, when she touched him. Each time she heard his voice, each time she awoke from the world, her soul ached, like it was losing him all over again. But when Alex was laid against her chest, when their daughter laid against her heart, crying as a welcome to the world, her soul felt alive for the first time since Bucky crumbled through her fingers.

If Ana’s soul has been subconsciously searching for Bucky’s, if her dreams are a testament to that...does that mean her soul has been trying to tell her something? Or is it just wishful yearning in that suspended place beyond that door?

What does it mean? 

Alex suddenly releases, clearly filled to her little tummy’s content, pulling Ana back to reality. As she burps her daughter, too exhausted to do more than focus on that task, her thoughts fade away into the back of her mind.

*

The first few weeks of having a newborn pass by in a blur. Pepper goes back home, and even though Ana has help from the others, the missing presence of Bucky grows stronger each day. Ana tries hard to keep her emotions at bay, at least when Alex cries and needs attending too. 

However, the disconnecting energy when Ana isn’t touching her daughter begins to fade to a bearable state. Her body continues to recover from birth, feeling sore and tender in places she didn’t think she would feel sore and tender, and some baby weight still lingering. Sleep is quickly becoming a thing of the past, though it might be Ana’s fault as she can’t help but watch over her child as she slumbers on Sometimes she doesn’t have the heart to put her baby down for too long, until she absolutely has too.

Every few nights, Ana has the same dream, over and over. Always greeting the child by the door, always barely grasping onto Bucky. The ache in her chest throbs painfully no more how much time has passed. Although the little milestones Alex reaches, the little moments of bonding, outweigh that pain.

Tummy time has Alex protesting with cute grunts and sniffles, but she lifts her head for a few seconds after the third time, Ana having the notion to record it on a kimoyo bead as Rhodey records the moment on her phone. The first time Alex truly focuses on her mother’s face as she calms down from being fussy, warms Ana’s heart. As does anytime when she falls asleep on her chest, fist curled in her hair.

When Alex is only three weeks old, Ana wanders into the study, searching for Natasha. She finds her, speaking to someone on a projected screen, but the notes scattered along the desk catch her eye. Clint Barton’s name jumps out at her, red lines connecting his name to different locations, locations connecting to different homicides.

Ana shoots Natasha a surprised look, but she just shakes her head and nods to the screen. Her hair has grown more, red roots beginning to fade into blonde in an odd color scheme. She quickly covers up the files, sliding over to make room for Ana.

“Okoye!” Ana gasps happily at the sight of the general. Okoye smiles back, then steps aside to reveal the people behind her. “M’Baku, Queen Ramonda. Oh my- hi! I-I’ve missed you all.”

Okoye levels her with one of her infamous looks. “It is called a telephone. We would not have heard of the birth of your daughter, had it not been for Natasha.”

Ana grimaces. “I’m sorry! It’s been…tough.”

“We are all happy to see you, dear,” Queen Mother says, her smile gentle, but her eyes look glossy.

“Enough greetings, where’s the little babe?” M’Baku cuts in. “We shall have a talk about how you have neglected to inform your favorite Tribe Leader.”

As a peace offering, Ana steps closer to the holograms, tilting her arm so they all have a good look at her daughter. M’Baku’s mockingly stern face immediately melts, a big smile stretching across his face.

“This is Jamie Alexandra, I call her Alex. She was born at five pounds and four ounces, but she has since gained about 14 ounces. This little bean loves to eat.”

“All is forgiven,” M’Baku chokes out.

 “Yintsikelelo ezinjani ezo!” Queen Ramonda exclaims. “What a blessing! Such a beautiful child.”

“She looks to be a strong warrior someday. Like her parents.” Okoye inputs with a meaningful gaze.

Tears fill Ana’s eyes as she chuckles, Alex coos and wiggles. “Thank you all. I promise I’ll call more.”

“Oh, I know that look, M’Baku,” Natasha laughs from behind her. “It’s alright, we’re all wrapped around those little fingers of hers already.”

They spend a good hour talking, most of their conversation topic about the baby, and Queen Ramonda’s advice. Ana can’t help but notice the painful longing stares the Queen gives Alex, the pain of losing her children evident even through a screen. Ana hugs her daughter a little longer that night.

*

Watching Ana bond with her daughter brings more relief than Steve would have thought. He’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t expecting her to have postpartum depression. Before she left Pepper had expressed her concerns of the very real possibly, and Steve confessed his own. He mentioned this to the others, resulting in them all watching Ana with sharp eyes, being attentive to anything that might coincide with it. 

So far, Steve hasn’t picked up on anything, other than Ana seeming to hover closely when someone else holds Alex, or her just holding the baby for much too long. It’s a complete turnaround from how she was right after Wakanda.

Steve thought the passing of Bucky’s birthday would be bad, but Alex had been especially snuggly that day and had just discovered her hands and Rocket’s tail, drooling with her fingers in her mouth as she grasped at his fur with the other. Steve is also confident that the only person able to get away with petting his fur is indeed that precious baby girl.

A setback happens one night in towards the end of March, just after Alex turns two months old.

Loud, wailing cries fill the night air, and after a solid amount of time passes, Steve can no longer ignore it. He hurriedly gets out of bed, duvet tangled around his foot as he hops free. He nearly runs into Natasha in the hallway, she dances around his frame to avoid potential pain. They share a look, then she waves her hand.

“Call me if you need more help,” She offers, before heading back to her room.

Steve knocks as he opens the door, entering. Ana is sitting on the bed with her head between her knees as Alex continues to wail, her cries echoing throughout the room. He hurries to Alex crying in the baby swing, unbuckling the safety strap. He picks her up and immediately begins to bounce and sway the upset baby, making hushing sounds and patting her back in an attempt to soothe her.

“Ana-?”

“I can’t do this,” She mutters, her voice nearly drowned out by the cries. 

She picks her head up, tear tracks staining her cheeks. Her eyes are desperate, red and pleading, dark bags making them look sunken. Her lips are cracked, her chestnut hair disheveled, and her usual olive skin is a few shades too pale. She looks to be on another verge of a breakdown.

“I don’t know what to do,” Ana laments miserably. “I can’t calm her she hasn’t stopped crying! I’m going to rip my hair out, and I’ve been bleeding constantly for two months straight and my boobs are way too big and my nipples are sore as fuck and I’m exhausted and I want to put her outside. I won’t, but I want to some nights and is that really so bad? I’m not gonna, but fuck, maybe the crickets with calm her. She won’t stop crying and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”

By the time she’s done ranting tears are falling down her own cheeks. Steve frowns, shifting the child over his shoulder instead, patting her bottom. Her little body is starting to get overheated, so he carefully takes off her sleeping sack leaving the baby just in her diaper. 

“Is she sick?”

“No. I don’t know! She gets warm when she cries, and oh fuck, what if is she sick? Wait, no, I took her temperature, I don’t know!” Ana begins to get up, pacing around the room, grabbing several items. “I’ve tried feeding her, she’s not hungry. I tried the pluggie, she doesn’t want it! I tried changing her, but that didn’t do anything. Rocking, patting her, swaddling, nothing! I’m a bad mother! Can’t get her baby to stop crying!”

“You are not a bad mother!” Steve argues firmly. He spots the mobile over the crib and turns it on. Alex’s cries slow for a moment, then start right back up. 

“See! Nothing!”

“Does she have gas- what’s that word- colic?”

“Maybe! I don’t know.” Ana walks up to them, trying to place a pacifier in the baby’s mouth. Alex refuses it. Next, she tries a bee toy with crunchy wings, it doesn’t work. She cups her baby’s head, smoothing her palm over her hair. “She’s getting warm.”

The crack in her voice, the tears in her eyes, the loud cries of her daughter, begins to break Steve’s heart. Ana’s lip trembles as she tries soothing her daughter with coos and calls of her name. 

“I’ll call the doctor.” He hands her tiny trembling body to her mother, Ana taking her child against her chest, walking around the room with her.

Just as Steve begins searching for her phone, Ana suddenly pauses. She rushes over to her bedside table, yanking open the drawer. She snatches something up, fiddles with it then throws it on the bed. A projected image of Bucky halts Steve in his tracks, his friend’s voice singing a lullaby fills the room. 

The sight of Bucky’s face, angled as if he’s looking up at Ana in the video, throws him off guard for too long. When Steve snaps out of his mind, he realizes the cries have gotten softer. Ana continues to rock Alex side to side, having shifted her slightly so she can see the video. Her head rests against her mother’s chest as she firmly pats her bottom. Her cries turn into sniffled hitched breaths, until they stop altogether. She stares towards the video, her hand curled into a fist in her mother’s hair.

Steve senses when Ana finally calms down too, her shoulders sagging, her head dipping down to kiss her daughter’s head. She stares at the video as well, a slow grin spreading along her mouth. Holding Alex secure to her chest, she carefully stretches her right hand out, her fingers brushing over her husband’s face, the image turning fuzzy from her touch.

As Bucky’s recorded singing continues, comprehension clicks in Steve’s brain. He’s heard this lullaby many times before; it’s what Ana would play at night, play while she was pregnant. He recalls reading a section of one of her Mother-to-Be books, encouraging mothers, parents, to talk to the baby while still in the womb. Infants recognize their parent’s voices. 

Stepping closer, just to the side of the hologram, his throat tightens while he watches his fallen friend sing. Bucky has the same look in his eyes in the video as he did whenever Steve caught him looking at Ana. Pure adoration shines in his eyes, lights up that smile he only ever displayed when she was around.

“He always insisted on singing or talking to the baby,” Ana informs, dropping her hand to rub along Alex’s back. Her voice is strained with exhaustion. 

“You never stopped playing it,” Steve remarks, peering down at the infant.

Her cute little face is free of any pouts as her gray-blue eyes blink owlishly at the image. Alex is only two months old, but she definitely recognizes the voice singing to her. Steve spots another pacifier on the night table, grabbing it and gently offering it to the baby. This time, Alex doesn’t fuss, easily accepting the plug.

“Always calmed her when she was kicking a lot.” Ana exhales in relief, slightly bending to pick the bead up as she tentatively sits on the bed with Alex, moving the image with them. “Do you mind heating that bottle up in case she doesn’t want to feed from me?”

Snapping out of his daze as he continues to stare at Bucky, he does as he’s told. Once he hands her the heated bottle and helps her adjust her pillows, he moves the bassinet closer to the side of the bed. 

“I’ll leave you two alone for now,” Steve says, already backing out of the room as Ana maneuvers Alex into a cradle position.

She gives him a flat look, as if she wants to comment on something. Then she shrugs. “Okay. Thank you for trying to help.”

“Anytime. Have FRIDAY alert one of us if you need anything else. Goodnight, Ana. Little Nugget.”

Ana chuckles as she rolls her eyes. The video restarts as Steve closes the door behind him. He rests against the door, listening for a few moments longer, just to make sure both Barnes girls are truly settled. Watching that video, hearing Bucky’s voice after 9 months opens the hole in his chest he had been trying to ignore. At least Ana has found another way to soothe their daughter, has found a way to keep Bucky in their lives. With a heavy sigh, Steve pushes off the door, trudging back to his room.

Once he’s back in his bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, he realizes no matter what he tried to do, no matter how much he tries to help, it’s obviously never going to be on the same level as Bucky would. Not that he would ever try to measure up in the first place, but the glaring absence of his friend as his wife and daughter fall asleep every night without him, is enough to break Steve’s heart all over again. The dark sadness he had attempted to hold off, slowly begins to crush him. He turns onto his side, closing his eyes, his pillow staining with tears.

**

The months begin to fly by as Ana tries to settle into a rhythm with her baby. There are nights like that first bad one, where Alex spits up or becomes inconsolable until Ana plays Bucky’s lullaby video. Nights where she desperately misses her parents, her brother, her husband, misses her friends, wishing they could all meet Alex. However, the heart wrenching moments come with Alex’s first cries after her vaccinations, or when someone accidentally startles her.

Sweet moments make up for it when Alex snuggles and sleeps on Ana’s chest. Or when she just looks too cute during tummy time as she continues to lift her head and wiggle her limbs like she’s routing an escape from exercise. Or when the little girl truly smiles for the first time.

It’s that full faced smile Alex shines up at Ana that makes her truly forget every bad thing that has happened during that moment. Ana had been grinning at her daughter, cooing and whispering little hi’s and “the prettiest girl, the cutest bean” and her name. The little smile breaks across her sweet face, a joyous laugh escapes Ana’s mouth in her excitement. No one else is around, so the moment goes unnoticed, but fills her heart more than anything has in months.

Alex’s eyes turn bluer with each passing day.

Ana continues to struggle with several things; the sleepless nights that remind her Bucky isn’t there, her body still healing, and the connection between her and Alex breaking each time she isn’t holding her punches through her chest. The odd energy makes it difficult for Ana to allow someone else to hold Alex, each time she has to force herself to step away, take a break for herself. It’s the strongest whenever Steve is holding her daughter, for reasons she doesn’t quite comprehend. In those cases, she takes her daughter back from whoever is holding her.

Slowly, Ana begins to limit the time anyone holds her baby. She can barely let go of Alex herself for longer than ten minutes, enough for her to shower if she can, to eat when she can. She refuses some walks with Natasha and Nebula when they offer, opting to just stay inside and watch Alex sleeping. Natasha just shrugs, Nebula’s eyes narrow like she’s trying to figure something out. They leave it alone for the time being.

It’s a stormy day when the most beautiful noise cuts through the rolling thunder. Ana is lounging on the couch in the common room, cup of tea in her hands as she watches Alex playing in the little musical gym on the carpet. Rocket isn’t sitting too far, tinkering with a piece from the ship Nebula had arrived in 10 months ago. Carol sits next to her, Ana tilting her head to rest on her shoulder, her fingers brushing through her air.

Her blinks are languid, taking careful sips of her tea, when Rocket’s tail twitches close enough Alex, brushing her hand. It pulls the nearly four month old’s attention towards him, her eyes focus on the movement. His tail brushes her skin over, and over, Alex reaches her little hand out, fingers just missing grabbing his fur. She lets out happy noises, coos and babbles. The next time Rocket’s tail swipes across her fingers, Alex makes a soft one syllable laugh.

Ana smiles before her brain catches up with the sound. She quickly sits up, Rocket’s tail twitches once more, and Alex laughs with more volume, her sweet giddy face is enough to brighten the dark sky.

“She just laughed.” Ana breathes, slipping onto the floor. Carol takes her mug away before it spills. “Oh my god, Rocket! She’s laughing at your tail!”

He turns around, his tail flicking up in the air briefly. The movement causes her to laugh more, kicking her arms and legs out in excitement. A slew of emotions overcome Ana, happy to just sit and watch her daughter laugh for the first time, her eyes prickling with joy. Rocket abandons his tasks, entertaining the baby the best he can for the next hour.

Since then, the little girl’s joyful, unabashed laughter continues to fill any room she’s in. Ana makes her laugh by pretending to munch on her belly and crunching the wings of her favorite toy. Steve lifts Alex up and down as he does squats, clearly enjoying the sensation of the lifts. 

Nebula decides to blow raspberries, which also has Ana cackling along with her daughter. Rhodey attempts silly faces, and Carol makes a musical rhythm with one of the squeaking toys. Natasha lightly dances around the room with Alex to one of the musical soundtracks Alex is fond of.

It’s when Alex is five months old, does Ana stop and gaze into her eyes. They’ve become more vivid, a gorgeous powder blue that looks exactly like Bucky’s except for the flecks of golden brown. When she first notices her daughter’s eyes, she leans close, counting two dots in her right eye and three in her left. Alex reaches for her mother, grabbing onto her face, smiling and babbling.

“You’re just the perfect mix of your daddy and I, huh, my little jellybean?” Ana smiles back at her. 

Alex’s face brightens, and Ana’s heart melts all over again. “I love you, Alex, yes I do.” With a light kiss to her nose, she says, “Daddy loves you too.”

Then Alex lifts her foot, grabs it and promptly sticks it in her mouth, drooling happily. Ana laughs, grabbing a bead to record the adorable moment.

  **

Jamie Alexandra Barnes is five and a half months old when Natasha can no longer ignore it. Her keen eyes have been watching Ana closely, contemplating every single detail that seemed off, every little action that didn’t sit right in her gut. She’s a spy, a damn good one at that; Natasha always goes with her gut.

She noticed it the first day she went to visit the Barnes girls, when Ana took one step away from her daughter and nearly crumpled with separation. She witnessed it again when Rhodey held Alex for the first time, and she kept hovering over anyone who ever picked her up. Those little actions Ana does, how she reacts, how she barely steps away from Alex for more than two minutes at a time, it all gathers together to figuratively dropkick Natasha in the face.

She had begun to refuse help from anyone after the second month, especially that night Nat ran into Steve in the hallway. She doesn’t know what happened, but she trusted Steve to help them out. Though come to think of it, the strain that was weighing on his and Ana’s friendship has slowly been coming back.

The kick comes when Ana quickly jumps up from the couch the second Alex begins to fuss, carefully scooping her out of Steve’s arms and hurried down the hall. It slows down for her, sensing Steve’s expression break his facade, eyes hurt, mouth tugged in a frown. It hammers her theory into stone when Nebula pipes up from the table.

“I don’t know about you Terrans and your lack of perceptiveness, but I do think something is off with Barnes. The attachment of the child to her being is more than that tree was to the fur ball over there.”

“I resent th- no, wait. Hell, you ain’t wrong.” Rocket agrees, shooting Natasha a sharp look.

This isn’t just separation anxiety. On the baby’s part, yes, because Ana barely allows anyone to hold her baby for too long, she’s gotten so attached to her mother. In Ana’s case, it’s extremely unhealthy. Natasha sees it so damn clearly now.

Ana has been too hyper focused on her daughter, that the woman is hardly taking care of herself. Any attempt to convince her to go to a support group or a mother’s class falls short. There are dark bags permanently under her eyes from exhaustion, from stress, from doing as much as she can on her own. Her hair and skin look dull, and she presses her hand to her chest more often than not.

Alex is a good baby, once she fell into a regular sleep routine, but Ana doesn’t sleep often when her baby does. She still watches over her, makes sure nothing bad will happen. Natasha has been letting all the evidence slip by and now she knows why.

“Steve,” She beckons to him, tilting her head to follow her. Walking out of the living room, Natasha enters what used to be Tony’s study, a room she knows is soundproof.

“You heard Nebula, Ana’s been off for months now.”

He plops his large body into the chair in front of the desk, blowing out a breath and rubbing his hand down his face. Steve pinches the bridge of his nose but remains silent. Natasha allows him the time to gather his own thoughts, to arrive at his own conclusion.

“I don’t know, Nat,” He exhales warily.

She throws up her hands. “You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed it. She doesn’t let you hold that kid anymore. She refuses any help, getting her to walk outside with me is like pulling teeth. She’s clearly stretching herself too thin here, too focused on Alex. I don’t think it’s healthy for them.”

“Just…we should leave it alone for now.”

���You’ve got to be fucking with me, Rogers.” She scoffs. She leans over him, placing her hands on each arm rest to cage him in, to make him look her in the eyes. “Captain .”

Steve reluctantly lifts his head, meeting her gaze. His blue eyes narrow, his jaw ticks. “You don’t call me that anymore. I haven’t been Captain American for almost a year.”

Natasha levels him with a glare. “You will always be Captain America because that’s who you are.”

“That title isn’t a person, it’s a circus monkey, always was.”

“You’re about two second away from me putting you in a headlock with my thighs.” She threatens. He blinks. “You don’t want that title anymore, fine,” she jabs her finger into his chest. “But you are Steve Rogers, you were chosen and became Captain America because inside you are a good man and you know it. We all failed, and it fucking sucks. We can’t just give up though. We can’t just let any of us fall through the cracks, and we especially can’t let Ana fall through those same cracks again because she might not survive another outburst!”

Finally, Steve sits up causing her to lean back against the desk. “You’re right.”

“I usually am,” She smirks.

“I have noticed it. It’s not the first time she’s done this to me, the only difference now is Alex. But you and I both know why we haven’t brought it up. We ignored it because we thought she would have some form of postpartum depression, and what she’s doing is nothing but being attentive to her baby. Right? Am I correct in assuming we both brushed it aside because at least she’s feeling emotions again? At least she connected with her child.”

“I won’t deny that. Whether that’s a form of it or not, being this attached to Alex isn’t good for either of them. That little girl is already crying when she can’t see her mom and Ana looks like she’s going to have a panic attack every time she puts her down.”

Steve massages his temples. “Look, it could be chalked up to that energy connection they have, she had the same with Buck- oh fucking hell.”

“Care to share your thoughts?” She asks miffed.

“This- I think this is the opposite of shutting off her emotions. I think Ana is compensating what she lost to what she gained. She was always overprotective when it came to Bucky. You saw how she pushed herself too far for his sake, it’s the same thing she’s doing now with Alex. I think she’s scared.”

“I would attest to that.” 

“I miss them, Nat,” Steve suddenly confesses. “Sam, Wanda, Vision, T’Challa, Shuri. Bucky. Everyone we lost, I fucking miss them. I can’t hide it anymore. I’m...tired.”

Moving around the desk, Natasha opens a drawer pulling out a bottle of vodka and a glass. She weighs each with her hands, silently asking which one he’d rather have. Steve motions for the bottle, not before she pours herself a hefty amount in the glass.

“Here’s to our fallen friends, and all the shitty pain that comes with it.”

They don’t emerge from the office for a long time, and no one has to know how much they truly drank.

*

One Year. 

It’s been one year since the battle of Wakanda. One year since Ana fought in the woods, and foolishly tried fighting Thanos. One Year since Ana watched her husband crumble into ashes right in front of her eyes. One year since Ana last felt Bucky.

It’s a bad day, for everyone; the energy in the air is heavy with despair. If it weren’t for six month old Alex trying to scoot herself around everywhere, on the floor, on the bed, and trying to balance herself on all fours, Ana would break down. She can’t, instead focuses all her attention and energy on her daughter for the day. Playing with her, reading, feeding her, giving her bath and napping. She mainly stayed in her room, as did everyone else, but when she did venture out into the kitchen to grab Alex’s table seat, Steve was there.

He had clearly been drinking, several empty beer bottles pushed to the side. He’s not drunk by any means, his eyes are too clear for that, but the haunting shadows are still evident. Ana doesn’t say anything, but as she passes by him, she relents, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Steve stiffens, and the tsunami of emotions she felt from the simple touch abruptly ceases; like Steve is deliberately trying to keep it at bay. Away from her.

He does however, take her hand in his, squeezing for just a moment. He stands then, wraps his arm around her shoulders, ducking his head down so his lips are by her ear.

“’M sorry,” He mumbles miserly. Then he releases her, cups Alex’s head for a moment, then walks toward the study.

Ana lingers, watching him go, until Alex squirms uncomfortably, clearly wanting to try to get around all by herself. Ana sniffs, kisses her daughter and goes back to her room.

Ana cries herself to sleep that night.

 *

Over the past month, Ana has not been having that other worldly dream. She hasn’t met Bucky in her dreams for days, and it leaves her anxious, jittery every time she wakes up. Leaves her holding on tight to Alex, just to feel a semblance of warmth in her soul. She tries not to dwell on it or any possible meaning; it does make her ache just to see him again. It also reminds her that the loss of her friends and family is still present, no matter how hard she tries to ignore it. 

The previous night brought just three hours of sleep, Alex deciding to just snuggle more than fall asleep. It’s been a long night, a long morning, playing with Alex in the living room to keep her happy. A few hours go by and Ana desperately has to go to the bathroom, but she doesn’t want to leave Alex alone, thankfully she doesn’t have to as Steve walks in.

“Steve! Do you mind watching her while I run to the bathroom?” Ana requests, placing Alex down on the floor with her favorite musical toy. She peers up at her mother, wide blue eyes curious, her little lip puffing out.

“Of course,” Steve agrees, eagerly dropping the bags he was carrying on the counter and rushing over.

“Thanks!”

She takes no more than five minutes, stopping to warm up a bottle for Alex as the time ticks closer to her feeding. Once it’s ready, she grabs a few jars of different baby food and finally makes her way back to the living room.

She’s met with soft, off tune singing, but it’s the lyrics that grip her heart, make her see red for just a moment. Steve has a sniffling Alex in his arms, bouncing her and singing Bucky’s lullaby. She abruptly disconnects, her dreams flashing through her mind, makes her see Bucky in Steve’s place instead, if he were here to comfort their daughter. If he was alive to sing those words to her himself. She blinks, and the imagery is gone.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Ana demands, her voice shaking. The lights and electronics begin to rattle and flicker.

Steve’s head snaps up, he looks confused and worried about the surging of energy. He protectively curls his shoulder away, like he’s trying to shield her daughter from her mother. As if Ana would ever harm her. This makes the red more vivid, makes her grip the items in her hands.

“She started crying when you left,” Steve explains quickly, realizing his mistake and straightening up again. “I know this song calms her, so I figured I’d try. She stopped crying.”

“You aren’t her father.” She makes her way to them, dropping the items on the floor to take Alex away from Steve.

Something flashes in his eyes. “Ana, I wasn’t-“

“You are not her father!” Ana repeats with vigor. “You shouldn’t be singing that to her.”

“I-I know that. I’m not trying to replace Bucky, I swear. I would never do that!”

Ana pauses, the hurt in his tone knocking into her brain. Slowly, she lowers herself on the couch, placing Alex back on the play mat, who immediately tries getting on all fours. She inhales a calming breath, running shaky hands through her hair.

“I know. I know you’re not,” She deflates. “I’m sorry I snapped. I just…that song is special.”

Steve sits next to her, watching the little girl lean over while she starts playing with his socked foot. Ana’s heart softens a touch as he wiggles his toes, making Alex giggle around the pluggie in her mouth. 

“I think it’s time to talk to you about something,” Steve tells her grimly.

“Why do I get the sense that I did something wrong?” She questions, narrowing her gaze. At least her energy has settled.

“I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong. I’m not here to tell a mother what to do, it’s just…we’ve noticed something.”

“Go on.”

“We’re just a little concerned about how…attached you are to Alex. I think it’s borderline unhealthy.”

Ana blinks. “What.”

Steve winces at her sharp tone, but he continues. “We didn’t really pay attention to what was going on, being a first time mother with a newborn. I thought you hovering constantly was normal. But I think I was fooling myself after the first three months. Honestly, I think I was just relieved you were connecting with her instead of, um…having severe postpartum and neglecting her.”

Frowning, Ana carefully mulls his words over. “So, what are you trying to get at here? This attachment is unhealthy, but you’re happy because I haven’t stuck my baby outside for the night? Postpartum is something very real, by the way.”

“Which is why we were keeping a close eye on you, and I’m glad you allowed me to help you that one night. I’m glad we could. When you let us.”

“When I let you?”

Steve sighs, rubbing the back of his neck to gather his next words. “Ana, you don’t allow anyone to help you, especially me. You won’t let me hold my best friend’s daughter anymore. But, that’s not the point here. You can hardly step away from her without a panicked look on your face. Alex cries every time she can’t see you or when someone else does get the chance to hold her. This is severe separation anxiety.

“I understand why you’re overprotective, but it’s affecting you. You haven’t been taking care of yourself either. You hardly sleep even when she does, you barely eat. You’re too hyper focused on her, Ana.”

“Why is that so bad?” She argues, crossing her arms. “I-I’m a widowed mother. I’m just trying to take care of my daughter the best I can.”

“You’re doing a wonderful job, don’t get me wrong,” He reassures. “But I think you’ve been hiding behind her. I think you’ve been trying to make up for the fact that Bucky is gone. Nat and I think you’ve been using her a bit as a shield from your own pain.”

“I’m not using my daughter as a shield, Rogers.” Ana protests, anger flashing through her. She looks down at her baby, Alex turning her to peer up at her, then she goes back to staring intently at Steve’s sock. “I love her.”

“Of course, you love her. All I’m saying, in my own opinion and shit, maybe I’m wrong, but I think you’re hyper focused on Alex because you miss Bucky. You hardly had time from when you turned your emotions back on to when Alex was born. You’re holding so tight to her because of what you lost, and you’re scared to let anything like that happen to her. It’s better to give every ounce of your time and focus on Alex than deal with how you’re feeling, and it’s been affecting your own health.”

Just then, Alex begins to gnaw on Steve’s foot. He chuckles lowly, scooping her up instead. His eyes flicker to Ana, gauging her reaction.

“I can hold her, right?”

Ana glares at him, but the revelation of his words slowly dawns on her. Every single thing Steve said etches into her bones, makes her shoulders sag, leaning back on the couch. She roughly scrubs her hands over her face, her chest tightening a bit. She feels how much this is truly bothering Steve, his knee has been lightly pressed to hers since he sat, and the energy radiating off of him makes her stomach clench with regret.

“That’s not what I was trying to do.” She clarifies. “I wasn’t trying to keep her from you, or anyone. Just, hearing you sing Bucky’s song threw me. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

“I’m not trying to replace him, Ana.” Steve says somberly, softening his tone. “I would never. I could never. But I just want to help.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Listen. I didn’t bring this up to scold you. Just letting you know what we see. It’s okay for you to step out of the house for a bit. I’m not saying you’re a bad mom or telling you how to do anything. But Ana, you need a break once in a while, and we’re here to offer it to you.”

After a stretch of silence, both adults watching Alex play with Steve’s finger as she drools happily, forgetting the pacifier she spat out, Ana quickly squeezing his bicep. He shoots her a tentative glance; she returns a half smile.

“Thank you for, uh, talking to me,” Ana says, feeling her cheeks warm slightly from embarrassment. “I never realized what I was really doing. I think this energy connection we have just added to it. I wasn’t trying to push you away.”

“We love you, you know that. We love this little nugget, too. I’m just looking out for your health, Ana. That’s it.”

“What about yours?” Ana counters, suspicious that Steve has been keeping his own pain buried inside for a while.

“Hmm, are you getting hungry, Alex?” Steve coos after she turned to slobber on his shirt.

Ana purses her lips, noting that evasiveness but she lets it slide. She decides to try and fix what she was just called out on. Standing, she stretches, kisses her daughter then goes to pick up the bottle and baby food she dropped. The bottle leaked several drops onto the floor, she’ll clean that up later.

“If you want to feed her, try the food first, then her bottle if she doesn’t want it,” Ana suggests, handing it over to him. “I think I’ll take a nice warm shower. Leave Alex to have some bonding time with her uncle Stevie.”

Something in Steve’s eyes crack, a deep sadness casting shadow over his blue eyes. She’s about to ask, but Steve stands, flashes her a quick smile, then heads to the highchair.

“Steve,” Ana calls. She swallows any shame and anger she feels toward herself. “I’ll try working on it.”

He nods, a real smile chasing away those shadows.

**

Two weeks later, Ana gets a true wake up call, something she should have seen coming.

She’s just wrapping Alex up in a towel, having to give her a bath after a sweet potato fiasco, when someone knocks on the door. Alex babbles on, trying to eat the towel as Ana calls for the person to come in.

“Oooh, someone just got a bath, huh?” Steve coos when he enters. “Do you need help getting something?”

Ana just lays Alex down on the changing table, holding her with one hand on her belly, as she tries reaching for a new pack of diapers. 

“I got it, thanks.” She responds, barely looking at him. He seems to ignore her words, however.

“Alex, honey, no, that’s not for munching,” Steve chuckles as he hurries to take away the baby powder bottle from her grasp.

“Silly bean,” Ana says once she got a new diaper. She nuzzles her nose on her cute stomach, blowing a little raspberry against her skin. Alex giggles loudly, her laughs always sending a wave of calm through her mother.

“Actually,” Ana pipes up, realizing she’s refused help all day again. “Can you get pjs out for her?”

Steve seems happy to oblige, rushing over to the dresser. He pulls out purple footies jammies with little cats all over it, handing it to Ana after she secures the new diaper. Steve plays with Alex by swiping the feet of the pjs over her hair. She giggles again, reaching for them but grabbing his fingers instead, trying to eat them.

“She beginning to teeth?” He questions, pulling his fingers back to tickle her belly.

“I don’t know yet, she might. I think she just wants anything she sees in her mouth. What’s up?”

“I, uh, I needed to tell you something.” He begins to dress Alex once Ana sits her up.

“Okay, give me a second, I’m gonna change out of these wet pants.”

She leaves her daughter in Steve’s watch as she finds new pants and changes in the bathroom. Once she’s finished and wipes up any water on the floor with a towel, she goes back to her room. Steve has moved to the rocking chair with Alex in his lap, giving her a teething toy for her to gnaw on. She looks relaxed, lounging back against Steve’s torso, her eyes fluttering. Fighting back the bitter churn in her stomach, Ana inhales and exhales slowly. 

“She started getting fussy when you walked away,” He explains. “She’s fine now though.”

“What did you want to tell me?”

It’s something serious, going by the set of his mouth and the pull of his eyebrows. He takes a moment to speak as Alex notices her mother, begins to whine and drops her toy. His frown deepens, but he adjusts the baby, her stomach to his chest, offering her a pacifier instead. Alex accepts it, resting her head against his shoulders, her little hand against his neck. Ana takes the smallest step forward, but he finally speaks.

“I’m leaving.” Steve announces.

“Leaving...like on a trip?”

“Moving. I’m moving out.”

“What?” Ana asks, bemused. “What do you mean you’re moving?”

“I mean, I’m moving-”

“Out, yeah, you said that. Why? Where did this decision come from?”

Steve levels her with a look. Ana feels like she was just hit in the face with his shield. Their conversation when he called her out on the unhealthy attachment to Alex replays in her mind.

“Because of me?” She whispers in shock. “Wow. I really did push you away this time. I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“I didn’t say that,” He defends. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“You didn’t have to.”

A forced breath blows through his lips. “I just need space, I think. Take some time for myself, is all. I think you do too, we all do. I’ve been toying with the idea of moving out for a month now. It’s just for a little while, I’ve got my own shit to sort out and deal with.”

“A month!?” Ana gaps. “You’ve been planning this for a month and you didn’t talk to me about it? In fact, you could have talked to me about how you were feeling.”

“Would you even have wanted me to?” He snipes. “Would you have allowed someone else to hold Alex for more than five minutes for me to even get time with you?”

Alex whines in his arms, readjusting herself. Steve begins to gently pat her back and presses a kiss to her head. Ana’s heart clenches as she watches her daughter snuggle under his neck, her blue eyes slowly closing.

“What about your promise to Bucky? What about her?” She demands, gesturing to her baby.

His expression falters for a split second before he schools it again. “We both know you don’t need anyone to take care of you.”

Ouch. “Yeah, I guess I deserved that. I deserve your anger and anything else. But I really am sorry for everything. For being stupid, and not paying attention. I’m sorry for pushing you away again. I should have helped you, I should have helped everyone. We could have-”

“Hey,” For the first time since he started this conversation, Steve flashes her a genuine smile. “I wasn’t going to put my grief on top of yours. You were pregnant and stressed enough as it was, and now you’re a new mother. I just don’t want you to lose focus on your wellbeing. Like I said, you need time for yourself. This isn’t just because of you.”

“So, it doesn’t have to do with our talk before?” She questions sarcastically.

He sighs, breaking eye contact to check on Alex. She’s fallen asleep, apparently not caring about the tension in the room. Despite him calling her out earlier, every time Steve held Alex, she would settle right down, or fall asleep snuggled in the safety of his arms. She loved playing with his nose, loves to tug his hair or do those funny squats, cackling away each time. 

“She adores you, Steve. She loves you.”

Steve’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “She’s a baby. She’ll forget me in no time.”

Ana pouts. “That’s not true.”

“I’ll stop by every now and then,” Steve tells her, beginning to stand up.

She watches as he carefully lowers Alex into the crib, lightly kissing her head one last time.

“So, there’s nothing I can do or say that will change your mind?” Ana offers, swallowing back the lump in her throat. “I’ll work on these attachment issues. I can-”

“My stuff is mostly packed already,” He cuts her off once Alex is safely in her crib. “I’m um, leaving today.”

“Oh.”

The silence that stretches between them lasts a long time. Steve stands there, arms crossed, shoulders hunched, his eyes flickering to the sleeping baby every once in a while. Ana is fighting back tears, rubbing her chest to keep any energy outburst at bay. She can’t believe how far she went this time, without even realizing it. She pushed Steve so far that she drove him to move out. As blindsided as she is now, it’s the hardest wakeup call she’s ever received. 

“I really am sorry,” Ana tells him softly. “I hope you can truly forgive me one day.”

“I already told you-“

“You’re a terrible liar, Steve.”

His expression breaks again, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. “I’m not blaming you. It’s a place in Brooklyn, by the way.”

“That’s nearly two and a half hours away,” Ana retorts.

“Yes, but if there’s an emergency I’ll be right back here.” 

“Guess I shouldn’t keep you any longer then. Do you need help with anything?”

“Actually,” He suddenly looks sheepish. “Most of my stuff is already there. Just a few boxes left.

Shock finally makes her nose tingle, tears prickling in her eyes. The notion of Steve literally packing up his life at the compound and walking away without telling her hurts more than she the reason why he’s moving. She really fucked up this time, possibly ruined a good friendship.

Ana turns on the baby monitor, grabs the other portable one to hook to her pants and stands. “At least let me walk you out?”

Steve sniffs, though his eyes are dry. He’s guarded, Ana can see that. He allows her to do so, half closing the door, and trusting FRIDAY to alert her if Alex wakes up. They’re silent all through the compound and elevator ride, until they reach the ground floor. Steve’s car is parked right out front, already packed with boxes and bags.

“I never meant for this to happen,” Ana mumbles as Steve opens the door.

Steve wraps his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest. Ana wraps her arms under his shoulders, subtly transferring remorseful energy to him so he can at least believe how incredibly sorry she is.

“I know,” He sighs, patting her back. “Don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

They break apart, Steve getting into the car. Ana watches him drive away, leaving nothing but bitter dust behind.

When she makes it back to her room, Natasha is sitting on her bed, reading one of the bedtime stories. She looks up when she hears Ana close the door, placing the book aside.

“I just popped in to check on her,” She explains, swinging her legs off the bed. “I can leave if you-“

Ana crawls onto the bed, forcing Nat to scoot back again as she wraps her arms around her friend, burying her face in her hair. She hugs Ana back.

“I’m sorry, Tash,” Ana sniffs.

Natasha chuckles, running her fingers through her hair. “The last time you called me Tash was when I finally let you use your powers on me. You’re a bit tender right now, aren’t you?” She asks sweetly.

“I literally pushed Steve to move out. I’ve been horrible. I did the same thing I did when I was pregnant. I don’t mean to. Will you…can you take me to that support group?”

“Yeah, of course. And I’m not mad at you, just concerned. You know I love you and that маленький ангел.”

Ana hums, “She is a little angel, ain’t she?”

“That she is. The best little Barnes.” 

Ana ends up falling asleep in Natasha’s embrace, vowing to fix herself and how she’s been treating her friends again.

********************************************************************************

AN: Listen. I am sorry if that was horrible or too long, but I felt that everything in this chapter was needed, no matter how much I tried cutting things out. Now for the next chapter......say hello to End Game....*winks* Thank you for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it, since I wrote this in a week because I couldn't leave my room. (roommate had covid...cool stuff.) Stay safe and healthy! I love you all! Also, I’m not a mother, so my experience with babies comes from babysitting and helping raise my “nephew” since he was 3 months old. 

Drabbles: Twenty--Four    Drabbles: Twenty-Six

 Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner @buckyland @stressedasalways @watchoutforfrostbite @justreadingfics @keldachick @eurynome827 @elatedmarvel @shesalatesh @paintedgreywriting @buckaroo-blue @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin @crushedbyhyperbole @jaxthebookworm @gamorazenn @happinessisaloadedgun​ @je-suis-prest-rachel​  

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 24

A Piece of Me

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Loss, Grief. Labor pains. Non-graphic child birth.

Words: 11,820

A/N: Again, sorry for taking so long to update. This was a monster for me to write and it’s just been hard to write lately, BUT, this chapter jump starts the last phase of the Drabbles...  (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me. I’m sorry! <3 **I have never given birth, just going off experiences of mothers I know**

Holidays: 29 weeks Dec 13th:

One morning Ana wakes up to a solid kick from inside her stomach, rapidly blinking at the odd light streaming through her window. After she carefully sits up, soothing her hands over her round belly, she blinks again, startled.

Snow. It had snowed sometime during the night and with the sight comes the realization; it’s the middle of December. Time had ticked by in muted colors to Ana that when she finally came back to herself, five months had passed. Five months since the air filled with ashes. Five months since she last touched Bucky. Five months since the absence of his soul.

Now it’s nearly Christmas. Ana can’t even remember her birthday or Thanksgiving passing. Though by the tears escaping her eyes and the ache in her chest, it’s not going to be a good day. She continues to stare out the window, the snow-covered ground and trees in the distance offer a bittersweet illusion of a perfect world. Quiet. Tranquil.

A memory invades Ana’s mind from last year. Her and Bucky snuggled together in front of a fire at Tony’s cabin, talking about a future family. She shakes the memory from her head and finally gets out of bed, ignoring the very real feeling of Bucky’s arms around her. Ignores the phantom scent of his breath and the spiced apple toddy he drank that evening.

Waddling her way to the kitchen with her hand supporting an ache in her lower back, she spots a blessed pot of coffee freshly brewed. Ana hasn’t had such a desperate urge for the taste of coffee in so long, that she nearly drops the mug she pulls from the cabinet in haste. Once she’s poured herself a generous amount, she inhales deeply. The nutty aroma sending her mind straight back to the first day she met Bucky, and all the sessions that followed.

She revels in memory, when she was proud of herself for pulling a smirk out of the infamous Bucky Barnes after she told him she didn’t poison the coffee. How they starting to bond over silly conversation of coffee, how he used to tease her but ask how to make it properly. How Bucky would sometimes show up before her, waiting for her to arrive with coffee in hand. Ana is so lost in her mind, she doesn’t register the shift of air behind her.

“That’s caffeinated, and I know you are not about to drink it while seven months pregnant.”

Snapping back to reality, Ana shoots a glare over her shoulder at Steve. “Being seven months pregnant is the perfect reason to drink it.”

The sigh Steve emits makes her step back out of his reaching range, just in case. “Ana,” He draws out in mock disappointment.

“No! I need it need it, Steve,” She practically whines, clutching the hot mug to her chest. “Especially today. With the snow and these fucking memories, and Carol isn’t here to help regulate me, and my rings don’t fit right now. I just need caffeine, just this once.”

His eyes narrow. “Just this once?” He repeats incredulously. “Didn’t Rhodes catch you sneaking his coffee a week ago?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” Ana shrugs, lifting the mug to her lips.

Sounds of scuffling come from the front hallway then, Ana distracted enough for Steve to finally and carefully, snatch the mug away from her hands. She makes a noise of protest, before she sees the dark green branches of a pine tree. Natasha and Rhodes carry in a small tree, with Rocket following behind them, an axe propped over his shoulder.

“What the hell is that?” Ana demands quietly, her chest tightening.

“It’s a tree,” Nat snipes dryly. “What the hell does it look like?”

They set the tree down in the living room, adjusting the stand that’s already anchored to the trunk. An onslaught of rage and heartache overcome Ana for reasons she can’t quite comprehend. Abruptly it takes everything she has not to grab the axe from Rocket, chop the tree into little pieces and throw them into the fireplace.

Holidays are meant to be joyful. Holidays are meant to celebrate with families and loved ones. Holidays are meant to bring brightness. They’re meant for the rest of the world to fade away into warmth, sparkles, the smells of baked goods.

Not this time. Ana sees nothing joyous about that tree, just the inevitable death of its needles. She doesn’t feel the warmth of the season, just the continuous frigid void in her chest. Outside, the falling snow morphs into ashes.

“Get it out of here.” Ana nearly growls, her fists clenching; the lights flicker. She can no longer look at it without wanting to scream.

“Uh, why?” Rhodes demands, crossing his arms. “It’s nearly Christmas.”

“I don’t care, just get it out! I don’t want it in here! It doesn’t belong here!”

Rhodes serves Ana a look so stern, she abruptly feels like a scolded child.

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to dial that back,” He commands, gesturing to her. “This is misplaced anger, and you’re taking it out the wrong way. This might not be something you want, but don’t forget, you aren’t the only one suffering through depression. And maybe if you recognized that, you’d realize a damn Christmas tree just might make everyone else forget the shit that’s happened for once.”

His words are a punch to her heart. Immediately all her anger melts from her bones as she looks at the floor. Rhodey is one hundred percent correct, embarrassingly Ana is reminded of how much she truly missed when she shut her emotions off. She hasn’t been fair or considerate of anyone for months. Just because she can’t handle a fucking tree, doesn’t mean she can force anyone else to do the same.

Her throat burns with that wake-up call; the flicker stop flickering. Ana slowly gathers herself, breathes deeply while stroking her hands over her stomach to soothe herself. The baby moves and rolls in response. Finally, she nods.

“You’re absolutely right,” She concedes, meeting his eyes once more. “I’m sorry I snapped. I just…I’m just not in the mood to celebrate any holiday, but I shouldn’t expect anyone else to. I apologize.”

Rhodes stares her down a few moments before his expression breaks. “Accepted.”

The tense silence that follows is heavy and awkward, until Steve pushes the coffee mug back into Ana’s hand. “Just the one cup.”

She silently takes the mug, barely feeling the warmth of the coffee on her fingers. “I’m just going to go lay down now.”

As she makes her exit, Rhodey stops her. “Do you…need anything?” He offers kindly.

She gives him a grateful smile over her shoulder. “No, thank you.”

*

Steve has been distracting himself from checking up on Ana by pulling the dust covered box of decorations from storage and going through it. Oddly, a glass ornament is wrapped in newspaper, and with a delicate swipe of his fingers over the ink, he’s brought back to another lifetime eight decades ago.

Christmases during The Great Depression weren’t grand; far from it. Memories of Steve stuffing his shoes with old newspapers to keep his feet warm- and possibly give himself a few extra inches in height- fill his head. His mother carefully wrapping handmade ornaments in those same newspapers. 

A slightly dirty Bucky just back from working odd jobs here and there, holding up a turkey he received as payment. He had dragged both Steve and his mother over to the Barnes household for a rare Christmas Eve dinner.

Giggles of four little girls huddled together as they watched Steve nail their brother in the face with a slush of a snowball. A quiet night of serving his mother tea as she laid sick in bed. Yet she still gifted him fresh parchment bound together to go with the charcoal pencils Bucky got him earlier.

The memories turn melancholy as Steve remembers that first Christmas without his mother. How Bucky selflessly spent the night away from his own family, taking care of a feverish Steve, even though all he wanted to do was stay huddled in bed and cry himself to sleep from grief. Instead, Bucky pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his tattered coat and dumped some into Steve’s tea.

“Nicked it from that banker's house on the other side of town,” Bucky had shrugged, looked proud of himself before he took a swig from the bottle.

“Buck,” Steve had reprimanded weakly. Until he remembered that banker is the one who cheated on his wife and bragged about it. He had taken too big of a gulp, nearly choked and spluttered.

Bucky waited, patted his back until his airways cleared. “Did that no good, two-timer notice you?”

“Hell no,” Bucky laughed. “Guys like him deserve to have his illegal booze stolen, he’s got enough money to smuggle more. Did you take your medicine?”

Steve held up his mug. Bucky rolled his eyes, then gently pushed him over to snuggle in next to him. Not once did he ever leave Steve’s side. Instead he chatted his ear off with stories of Rebecca attempting to make her own dolls, and that one brunette, brown-eyed dame he tried to save from a sleazy man before she decked the guy square in the jaw.

“I’m sweet on her now. Whatty’a think, Stevie? Think I’ve got a chance with a dame like that?”

(Steve huffs a laugh when he remembers that bit. Bucky always did have a type; it’s no wonder he fell for Ana so quickly.)

"Nah,” Steve said through a cough. “A girl like that wouldn’t give you the time of day.”

“Punk.” Bucky rubbed his knuckles atop his head.

“Jerk.” He weakly shoved him in retaliation.

Silence fell between them; sleep quickly took over Steve’s tired and sick body. He had slid further down the bed, pulling the thin blanket up to his chin.

“Thank you, Buck. For being here.”

Bucky took a minute to respond. “Didn’t want you to be alone during the holidays. With you til the end of the line, pal.”

The light pitters of something wet hitting the newspaper brings Steve back to the present. A few dark drops absorb into the paper before he realizes he’s crying. He hastily wipes the tear off his face, clears his throat and wills away the pain in his heart. Steve gets it. He understands why Ana reacted the way she did.

Shaking his head to clear his past, he rewraps the ornament and returns to his task. Once he’s done, Steve just sits in the closet by himself for a while; allows him himself to wallow. He’s absentmindedly scratching his growing beard, wondering if he should give it a shave when FRIDAY alerts him.

“Captain Rogers, the weather is a brisk 25 degrees outside, with steady snowfall.”

Frowning up at the ceiling as if the AI can see him, he replies, confused. “Thank you? Is there a reason you’re giving me a weather report?”

He swears FRIDAY sigh. “Mrs. Barnes has been sitting out for-“

“Got it, thanks.” Steve cuts her off, yanking the door open. He knows exactly where Ana is.

As he quickly makes his way through the compound, Steve apologizes to that younger Bucky during the all those winters. He recalls his exasperated best friend every time Steve hid out on rooftops and fire escapes after getting into fights. Every time, Bucky had been there with Steve’s coat, or just taken his own coat off to wrap around Steve’s scrawny little shoulders instead.

“Christ, Stevie, your lungs ain’t gonna work anymore the longer you stay out here, punk.”

When Steve climbs through her window, and finally opens the door to the roof, the irony isn’t lost on him. Ana is sitting on the furthest chair, staring out into the frosted woods, snow catching in her long hair. Only a thin blanket over her lap protects her from the cold and the biting wind from the height of the deck. Her hands are protectively cradling the bump of her stomach.

“Ana, what are you doing out here?” Steve questions, briskly walking to her. He places the jacket he found in her room over her shoulders; one of Bucky’s jackets. “You’ll freeze your toes off.”

“You’ll freeze your damn toes off, and I will not explain to your Ma why her son got frostbite.”

He wraps an arm around her, pulling her into his side to share his body heat with her. The old memories of Bucky practically yanking his asthmatic self into a slightly warmer building fade away.

“This is where we kissed the first time,” Ana reminisces, a quiet reserve to her voice. She points adjacent to them. “Right there, when I said those triggers words, he kissed me.”

Steve remembers when Bucky couldn’t stop pacing in his room after that night, panic stricken because he didn’t know how to process his feelings for her. He couldn’t understand how she put so much trust into him. Steve squeezes her shoulder, hoping to offer her some comfort.

“This is where Bucky told me he loved me for the first time. Up here, with pizza.”

His chest feels hollow realizing how many memories this rooftop holds for her. “C’mon honey, it’s not good for you to be out here, let’s go back inside. Warm you up.”

“Nothing is ever going to be the same,” Ana laments as if she didn’t hear him. “Holidays, birthdays, celebrations. Life.”

“Yeah.” Steve exhales wearily.

“I knew this. I knew all of this, but…for months I acted like I was the only one holding onto this grief so heavily. I’ve lost everyone, Steve. I’ve lost my whole family and I never thought I could feel more pain and grief than that. But I was wrong, this is so different. Because I could feel him leave me. I could feel Bucky’s soul rip from mine.”

“It’s incredible, Stevie. I can feel her all the time, like her life energy is this infinite sunlight around me.”

He sees that day clearly when Bucky had said those words to him. He remembers the look of pure awe and adoration on his friend’s face that day. Steve squeezes her closer, offering his comfort in the cold bitter air. Something wet falls onto his shirt, soaks in quicker than the snowflakes. He lifts his hand, gently wiping the tears off her cheeks before the cold can freeze them there.

“Hey now, Steve, c’mon. No tears, they’ll freeze on your face, pal.”

Steve swallows back yet another whispered memory, when he was frustrated the neighborhood bully just kicked his ass no matter how many times Steve got back up.

“Your pain isn’t invalid, Ana,” He tells her delicately, lifting the sleeve of the jacket to dry her face. “That is something none of us will ever begin to comprehend, that connection you both shared.”

“Maybe not,” Ana sniffs, “but that shouldn’t erase anyone else’s pain in my mind and that’s exactly what I was doing.”

“Watching you turn off your emotions was- fuck, it was haunting. It was scary because we couldn’t tell if doing that was just hurting you instead. I hated that you did that, but I also understand why you did. I think we just-“ Steve pauses to gather his words properly.

Ana speaks up before he does. “I’ll never be able to express how sorry I am for shutting everyone out, for acting like- well...like a cold hearted-“

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Steve chastises firmly. “I think we just wanted to have any ounce of your old self back. We were all concerned.”

“I’m still trying to find that myself,” Ana sighs, voice cracking; she sounds exhausted. She tilts her head to the side, leaning on his shoulder. “I got mad about the tree because the memories of last Christmas are perfect. It was our first one together, did you know that? Our first time celebrating the holiday season. I don’t want to celebrate anything.”

“So, keep the eggnog away from you then?” Steve quips lamely. Ana winces and gags.

“Fuck no,” She picks her head back up. “I don’t think the baby’s palate will tolerate that.”

“And I don’t think the baby can tolerate the cold much longer,” He counters. “Let’s get you inside.”

Steve drops his arm in favor of carefully helping up from the chair. Ana winces again, her hands covering her stomach. Pain flashes over her face for a moment, and panic shoots through Steve’s chest.

“Are you okay? What was that?” He asks worriedly, hand hovering along her back.

“It's fine,” She pants, waving him off with her hand. “Just some pressure is all. Little Bean’s running out of room I think.” Relief shags Steve’s shoulders. Until- “The baby is moving a lot. Do you want to feel-?”

“I’m good. That’s not, uh, it’s kind of intimate. Time to go inside.” Steve ignores her bewildered look and focuses on guiding Ana down the stairs safely. He keeps Bucky’s jacket wrapped tight around her.

*

The memory of last Christmas spent snuggling close with Bucky in front of a fire and talking about their future mocks Ana. It was one of those perfect moments in a lifetime, and she didn’t want to tarnish the memory with this Christmas being...widowed. Alone and 7 months pregnant.

Since Rhodey’s harsh truth, Ana has kept any bitter despair to herself. However, she did allow herself one moment of a Christmas song. It made her smile briefly, before a memory of both Bucky and Tony singing at the top of their lungs as they decorated the tree cut it short.

Ana does not want to decorate the tree. She stays in her room, until Rocket barges in, trailing a bunch of silver tinsel in his wake.

He demands to know, “Who was the asshole to make such a messy infuriating thing to put on a damn stupid tree!?”

Nebula stood at the doorway, a murderous expression on her face as she fights with several pieces of tinsel, static making it cling to her. Ana can’t help the surprised laugh that bubbles out of her at the both of them.

Vaguely, in the back of her mind as Rocket drags her out of her room demanding to untangle the tinsel, Ana thinks the two might have planned it all. She’s exhausted by the time she unknots the stuff, focusing more on the silver plastic and quietly refusing to put anything on the tree.

By the time she’s done, she waddles back to her room, Natasha close behind. All she does is hand Ana a hot mug of cider and snuggles in close. Nat talks to and gently pets her hands over her stomach and promises the baby to teach them her “death by thighs” move one day. Ana drifts off to sleep, head tucked under Natasha’s neck.

When Christmas does come around, it’s with stinging emptiness, of several people missing and the weight of the whole world grieving. At breakfast, as she’s slowly eating, Ana finds herself with a small pile of gifts next to her on the table. Her glare prompts a response from Steve who had given her one more.

“You stayed locked in your room for your birthday last month,” He shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck. “You aren’t having a baby shower. Just accept them. Please?”

Most gifts end up being for the baby anyway, including a crib, so Ana lets it slide and quietly thanks them.

She ends up fighting back tears the longer she stays out in the living room, desperately wanting to escape. She’s exhausted, down to her bones, and the aching in her chest throbbing Bucky’s name hurts more and more. She closes her eyes and breathes, flexing her fingers and smoothing her hands over her stomach. The baby kicks and moves before it settles a few moments later.

Someone sits next to her, and she doesn’t have to open her eyes to tell that the stupidly large and warm bicep pressing against her own arm is Steve. He doesn’t say anything, just simply takes hold of her right hand, and squeezes. 

He doesn’t let go, and despite the prickling of tears behind her eyelids and the trembling of her lips, Ana leans her head against his shoulder. The sense of comfort seeps into her own energy, and soon after she falls asleep.

30 Weeks Pregnant:

Just on the verge of her eighth month, Ana hears Natasha’s irritated sigh, as she munches on a slice of mango pizza. 

"Ana, I swear if you don’t stop nesting in the office, I will throw away all the mangoes and you’ll be stuck with mushrooms for your pizza topping from now on.”

As Natasha Romanoff threats go, it’s rather mild. She shrugs as Nat holds up two files as proof.

“It was messy!” Ana defends, her feet propped up on the coffee table.

“Lucky you’re pregnant,” She grumbles.

“Enhanced hearing, remember?”

Natasha glares at her. “It took me an hour to find my notes. Why don’t you organize Steve’s shit? Or Rocket’s? I haven’t seen you in Nebula’s room, go nest in there.”

“Nebula would cut my hand off, pregnant or not.”

“It’s true.” Nebula speaks up with her husky low menacing voice, pizza slice in hand. Ana raises her eyebrows at her. She pauses. “Maybe.”

Ana beams. Natasha huffs, coming over to join them. She bends over to gently pat Ana’s belly. Which has grown even more in the past weeks, but dropped as well, the baby’s head sitting lower.

“Your mama better name you Natasha after I put up with her little tendencies huh little one?” Nat coos.

“That’ll go over well if Bean is a boy,” Ana jokes, also patting over where she thinks its little foot is. There’s a responding nudge, a rather firm one. Ana frowns. “Sassy.” Natasha chuckles, then steals Ana’s slice. “Hey!”

“Now someone’s hand will be chopped off,” Nebula inputs at the scene. Ana nods with a pout.

“What are you going to do? Waddle after me with your swollen ankles?” Nat teases.

“You’re being mean to me,” She whines, but can’t keep the smile off her face.

Neither can Nat. “Then keep your nesting habits away from my files, Barnes.”

Ana steals the slice back. “I also reorganized your knives.”

 That earns another glare. “So, so lucky you’re pregnant.”

It’s rare, these little moments of teasing and humor. Five months have passed since The Snap, and Ana’s grief and pain are still as crushing as ever. Her dreams remain constant. Dealing with feeling her emotions again has become a little easier, but there are days where she feels shattered by them, and cries into her pillow, or the nearest pair of arms.

Lately, it’s been Natasha. But these moments are what helps get Ana and everyone else through the day. Hour by hour, day by day, week by week. She has also been keeping herself in check and trying to be attentive to everyone’s feelings around her.

“Has Steve woman upped yet and felt the baby kick?” Nat wonders. The red roots of her hair are growing back faster now.

“No…He’s still a little creeped out,” Ana yawns. “It’s kinda funny.”

Humming, Natasha suddenly stands up. “Time for your checkup, let’s go.” Groaning, Ana shoves the last bits of her pizza into her mouth. “Come on. It’s one of the last ones before your due date.”

Ana shimmies from her rather comfortable spot on the couch to the edge, taking a deep breath and readying her swollen ankles to stand. Both Natasha and Nebula carefully grab an arm and help Ana up, keeping her steady until she can stand on her own. An odd sort of pressure throb through her stomach, and she frowns, suddenly thankful she does have a checkup today. 

*

Three days later has Ana gasping awake from her dream. This time she swears she feels ashes slip through her fingers. Brings her right back to that horrid day in Wakanda, when she couldn’t reach Bucky in time. The same constricting feeling settles in her chest, and the room begins to feel hot; a golden orange glow briefly emits from her clenched hands.

Before her powers can lash out, Ana moves the best she can, hurriedly grabbing one of the beads. It only takes a few moments to get a video up, but the second she hears his voice, her heart begins to settle. The glow fades, and the rattling in the room that had started ceases.

Bucky’s timbre soothes her, replaying his lullaby twice more. On the third time, Ana pauses the recording, the projected image frozen on Bucky’s sweet face. The gentle fondness in his blue eyes, the slightly crooked smile, his long hair pulled into a bun, his beard just a touch unruly.

She remembers this day precisely; one of the last days Bucky sang to her stomach, to their child. No matter how many times Ana reminded him that the baby couldn’t hear him yet, he never cared.

It never stopped Bucky from randomly moving from one spot -be it the couch, bed, another room, the hut- to wherever Ana was and kept singing. It never stopped him from dropping to his knees as she made another strange snack she was craving in the kitchen and nuzzling his face against her barely there bump. Never kept him from staying up as she fell asleep to his words whispering lovingly against her skin. Feeling his warm breath, his sweet lips, his soft beard, his gentle caress of his fingers over her stomach. Feeling his heart, his love, his soul.

“I can hear it. The heartbeat.” Bucky would tell her, voice thick with emotion.

She hasn’t felt Bucky for months. 

Ana reaches out like she does in her dreams, fingers curving over his holographic jaw. She keeps her touch delicate, as to not distort the image. In this moment, only for a moment, she pretends she can feel him. Pretends that her husband is truly looking back at her.

“I’m sorry, Snowflake,” Ana murmurs, tears burning in her throat. “I haven’t been the same without you. I turned off my emotions. You wouldn’t have liked that at all, would you? I don’t even like myself right now.” 

Ana swipes the tears off her chin with her left hand. “But I swear I’ll try to be better. I swear I will take care of our baby for both of us, and he, she- our child will grow up knowing exactly who you are and how much you loved them. I just…I miss you. God, I miss you so fucking much I can’t breathe most of the time, and it hurts.”

Inhaling a shuddering breath, tears overcome her, sobs hitching in her chest. Ana brushes her shaking fingers over his cheek, the image rippling from her touch.

“I love you.”

When she turns off the bead and the image vanishes, she weeps into her hands. Ana wipes her cheeks, attempting to calm herself. Taking deep breaths, she places the bead back into it’s safe place in the drawer. A rather sharp kick from within makes her wince, then chuckle.

“Sorry, baby. I know I’ve been crying a lot lately.” Ana says to her stomach, rubbing soothing circles over her belly. “That can’t feel too good for you either.”

Once Ana’s crying slows, she cleans her face with tissues, blows her nose, and throws the tissues away in the bin beside her bed. Just then her ears pick up a sound outside her room. Carefully standing up, she walks to the door, pulling it open.

“Steve,” Ana greets with a sigh. She shouldn’t be shocked at this point.

Steve smiles sheepishly. “You alright?”

“Yeah. How much did you hear?”

He leans against the door frame crossing his arms, his shoulders hunched. “Just the ending. Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Just came by to see if you want to-“

Another kick and more movement briefly make Ana miss what he’s saying. Blowing a slow breath out she presses her hands over the spot; things are starting to get more uncomfortable.

“Sorry, could you repeat?”

He flashes her an understanding look. “Asked if you wanted to go for a walk with us. Nat and I.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Ana agrees, fighting a wince from the kicking. “Dr. Hammond suggests it now that I seem to be healthy enough. Said the walking could help calm the baby.”

He laughs under his breath. “I can kinda see why,” He says, eyes on her stomach.

“Yeah, this little bean has been more active lately,” She pauses “Steve, um, would you like to feel the baby kick?”

Steve’s eyes snap up to her. “Oh, um, isn’t that a bit personal? I mean-“ He stumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Ana rolls her eyes fondly. This is her husband’s best friend, he shouldn’t feel weird about it. She grabs his hand, placing the flat of his palm just to the right of her stomach. A few long seconds pass, Ana carefully watching Steve’s expression. 

His brows are furrowed, his mouth curving down, as if he’s sad the baby isn’t moving for him. Then, the same rolling pushing movement comes once more and Steve’s blue eyes light up.

His mouth falls open slightly, a toothy smile across his lips. “Ana,” He gasps, meeting her eyes. “That’s…amazing.”

Ana can’t help but laugh, her heartache forgotten for the time being. “See, nothing to be nervous about. Kinda cool, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah. This, this is your baby. You and Buck’s…” His excitement fades into sorrow. Steve lifts his other hand to the opposite side, lightly scrunching his fingers as if he’s waving in a way.

“How about that walk now?” Ana cuts the melancholy short. She’s starting to feel the energy around them changing. Steve’s energy; the same kind he has been keeping from her. “Is it nice out?”

Pulling his hands off her stomach, Steve clears his throat and nods. “Bit warmer today, 56 right now.”

“Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“No rush.” Steve takes a step before he halts. “Are sure you’re okay, Ana?”

She gives him her most convincing smile, which is a good attempt on her part. “Yeah. Just, missing him a lot today. That’s everyday though,” She chuckles humorlessly. “I swear I’m good, Steve.”

Steve’s scrutiny lasted longer than Ana would have liked. Then he nods. “Take your time.” 

 *

The only entertaining thing about New Year’s passing was Ana sitting out on the patio, watching Rocket and Rhodey rig together a contraption to set off fireworks. Natasha sat next to her, Ana’s legs on her lap as she massaged her swollen ankles and feet under a warm cable knit blanket, sitting next to a heater. Nebula and Steve are locked in a card game, when the first firework goes off. Steve flinches then frowns. His eyes meet Ana’s for briefly, before he goes back to discarding.

As explosions go off in the sky, Bucky tightens his arms around Ana’s waist, his face hidden in her neck as he presses a kiss to her pulse. “I don’t think I’m fond of fireworks.”

Ana brushes her fingers through his soft hair, gently scratching his scalp. Slowly she uses her ability to calm his energy, soothe him deeper than a touch. “Makes sense. You are a war vet.”

“Used to hear them go off in Romania sometimes,” Bucky had confessed. “Always thought it was a sign Hydra found me. That they had bombs set around the building I lived in. It was something I could never shake.” 

Another one goes off in the distance; Bucky inhales her scent, his hands clutching her skin. Ana catches Tony walking by. “Tony, I thought no one was allowed to set off fireworks up here.”

He catches on quickly, pointing his glass of whiskey towards Bucky. Ana nods, then with an annoyed flare, he says, “Those damn kids. Goodie! I felt like chewing someone’s ear off tonight. I’ll call them!”

Bucky snorts, then sighs in content as Ana continues to relax his nerves with her powers. “They’re pretty, but...too loud.”

“I got you, Snowflake,” Ana promised, pulling up the blanket to cover them both and hide them away. 

“I know you do, Annie Doll,” He breathes sleepy. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen though.”

Ana chuckles, kissing the tip of her husband’s head as he drifts off to sleep. She can’t think of a better way to bring in the new year than Bucky feeling safe enough in her embrace to fall asleep, even with the ghosts that still haunt his past.

 POP!

Another firework glittering in the winter sky rips Ana out of her memories. She catches the small wince of broad shoulders.

“Hey guys,” Ana calls out to Rocket and Rhodey. “I don’t think the baby is fond of fireworks right now. Do you mind if you stop please?”

Rhodey acknowledges her meaningful look, beginning to replace the ones he took out. Rocket shrugs, turns off the machine they built with a wide grin.

“I just wanted to see if I could build it. I did, now I’m bored.” He states, then meets Ana’s eyes.

“How’s about we beat these losers at a game of poker?”

“Deal.”

Ana only lasts two rounds of poker, before Steve is helping her settle into bed. He insisted on following her and carrying her hot tea for her. She adjusts her body pillow and gets comfortable, tapping her hand over the lower part of her stomach where the baby settled with her.

“Thank you,” Steve says, pulling the comforter up for her. “For the fireworks. I know you did it for me.”

“Bucky and I,” Ana begins, pausing only to push past the lump in her throat. “We stayed at Tony’s cabin during the holidays. I don’t think he heard fireworks go off in a while, and out in the woods you aren’t allowed to bring them or set them off. Some neighbors did, and he was nervous about them. I calmed him as much as I could.”

“He never told me that,” Steve says, frowning. The look he gives Ana though, makes her feel bashful. His features soften, and he almost looks...happy. “He was always so in love with you, Ana, before he even knew it. Bucky wasn’t one to ever open up to anyone, even when we were kids. Watching him with you…I’m glad he found you.”

Ana sniffs, rubbing her eyes to stop the tears welling up from falling. The empty ache in her chest is a permanent feeling.

“Sorry, too much Bucky talk. You were having a better night, I shouldn’t ruin it.” Grabbing her hand, he gives it a firm squeeze.

“It’s alright. I just...didn’t want you to feel that same way.” She squeezes back.

“Get some sleep, Ana.”

As she relaxes, her body ready for said sleep, she says, “You too, Steve.”

It’s one of her better days; Ana sleeps through midnight, but the haunting call of her name still echoes through her mind. Her soul still screaming for its other half.

The week following the new year is slow, as if 2019 wants to remind them of half the universe gone. However, Ana’s panic slowly begins to build as she realizes there’s just over a month of the baby arriving.

She’s sitting in the room they decided to turn into a nursery -the room right next to hers- slowly stroking her hands over and over her round stomach. Looking around the room gives her mixed feelings.

A part of her seems to be happy, almost excited to be a mother. The other parts outweigh the joy, however. The bare walls, void of any decorations, makes her heart break. The dark wood of the crib and the changing table makes her seethe. The little animal mobile above the crib breaks her. The mobile hangs an orange fox, a gray owl, a brown bear, and a white wolf. 

Pushing herself off the rocking chair, Ana grabs the wolf and tears it off. The whole mobile comes down, crashing into the crib, but the wolf is clutched in her palm. She stares at it, anger boiling in her blood for reasons she can’t explain.

The harder she squeezes, the brighter her hand becomes. Flickering lights throw the room into shadows, over and over. Smoke is beginning to emit from the little wolf, her chest tightening as the edges singe. 

“I leave for, what, three weeks, and here you are literally starting fires in your hands.”

Ana snaps her head up. Carol Danvers is standing in front of her, amusement dancing in her eyes instead of any reprimandation. Carefully she places both of her hands over Ana’s fist, and all her raging energy subsides. She hadn’t been aware of anyone coming into the room, so focused on the white wolf.

Quickly pulling her hand out of Carol’s, Ana slowly uncurls her fingers. Sitting in the middle of her palm are the remains of the wolf, completely incinerated. Panicking, she drops it, the tiny ashes caught between her fingers.

“Oh my god,” Ana whispers, horrified at herself.

“Hey, Barnes, I’m sure it's fine,” Carol tells her gently. “They can get you another one.”

“You-you don’t understand,” Ana shakes her head frantically. Ash. Ashes on her hand, her fingers, ingrained in her skin. “I-I have to wash my hand. I have to wash my hand!”

“Come on.” 

Carol guides her out of the room, a steady hand on her back, and into the bathroom. Ana proceeds to scrub her right hand at least four times, and once again until her skin feels raw. She feels out of breath afterward, reaching for Carol once more.

“Can you take some deep breaths for me?” Carol coaches, helping her sit on the edge of the tub.

Ana huffs. “I’m trying. I-I can’t. No! Don’t touch me! What if…what if I hurt you? Like I hurt Steve?”

“Look at me, Ana. You are fine, you’re okay right now. You just got worked up and that’s okay.” Carol keeps firm eye contact. She attempts to hold her hands again, this time Ana allows her. “I won’t let anything happen to you. You aren’t going to hurt me or anyone else.”

Finally, Ana gets a deep breath in. She regulates her breathing with help from Carol, until she feels like her senses and energy are no longer overstimulated. Once she’s calm, they leave the bathroom and head outside to the bac deck at Ana’s request. The chill of the air clears her head more as she sinks into a chair. 

“It was a white wolf,” Ana tells Carol. Her silence is a cue to elaborate. “My husband...Bucky. He was given that moniker while he was recovering in Wakanda. He told me they sort of adopted, well, accepted him into their family, their culture. King T’Challa told me it also meant strong warrior.”

“That why you tore it off?” She guesses.

Ana shrugs, thinking it over. “I think I was already feeling too many emotions. I saw it, it reminded me of him and how- how everything in that room, we didn’t pick together. Hell, I barely picked anything in that room. I really appreciate Pepper and Nat setting it up, but we couldn’t do it together.”

Danvers remains quiet again, but Ana is grateful for it. She’s pretty good at reading how Ana is feeling, and her silent support is more appreciated than she knows. Ana’s energy always seems to stay dormant every time Carol is close. It’s something interesting to look into later.

“Where have you been?” Ana asks after some time.

During this time Steve found them after FRIDAY alerted him and gave her a thick blanket to keep warm. He stayed long enough to turn on the heaters, then left the women alone, but quietly thanked Carol in a nod Ana caught.

Carol sighs, slumping in her chair and propping her heels on the table. “Other planets. Some are worse from the repercussion of what that purple scrotum sack did. Been getting a lot of hits on my radar. I came back to bring you more elixir in case you needed it. And to check in on my favorite avenger.”

“M’not an avenger but Nat’s in the shooting range. Nebula is...I don’t know what she’s doing but I’m afraid to ask sometimes.”

She snorts. “So, should I not get you a stuffed wolf when the baby is born?”

Ana flicks her off, but Carol’s resounding laugh brings a smile to her face. 

*

When Pepper calls two days later, Ana can’t help but feel something odd about their conversation. As they chat about pregnancy, (”It’s like every ten minutes, Pep, I have to pee every ten minutes!”) Ana asking for any advice her cousin may for her upcoming labor, something continues to feel off. Especially when Pepper drops Tony’s name three times. The mention of him causes her to remember something about FRIDAY.

“Oh!” Ana perks up. “Has FRIDAY informed you of anything about me? Or to-”

A little voice pops up in the background, begging for a snack. “One second, sweetie,” Pepper says to her daughter, then back to Ana. “She just tells me your vitals sometimes.”

“That’s it? She doesn’t ask you for permission to use a security protocol?”

“I- Morgan, be patient please, I’m making it now. Sorry, Ana.”

“It’s fine. I was just wondering why T- um...FRIDAY would feel the need  to program an added feature.”

“What are you trying to ask?”

“I just...why would someone need to add an electric defense mechanism-”

“You know what?” Pepper cuts her off, exasperated. “I’m tired of being a go between. I have a toddler to raise who is currently trying to cut her own grapes, and I can’t deal with this right now. I love you, but if you want to know why, you need to ask him yourself.”

“Pep, what are you-”

“This riff between you two has gone on long enough. Talk to each other. I already have one child, I don’t need to raise two more. Speaking of which, you need to tell him. Here!”

“Wait, no!” Ana’s shout disturbs Rhodey from reading his book. 

He casts a curious glance her way. She frantically shakes her head, though Pepper can’t see her. Rhodey has now put down his book, mouthing an over dramatic what? Before she can let him know what is about to happen, it happens. There’s a shuffling on the other side of the line, followed by a confused yelp.

Quickly pressing the phone to her chest, she looks over at Rhodey in panic. He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms; a sign of him agreeing with Pepper after he caught on. Taking a few calming breaths, Ana puts the phone back to her ear.

“-think the line went dead,” Is what she hears on the other side. Tony’s voice.

Heartbeat kicking up several notches, Ana braces herself. “I’m- I’m here.”

“Oh.” There’s a brief pause. “Hello.”

He sounds like he’s meeting a CEO of a company he dislikes. As if he would rather be anywhere else than speak with her.

“Hey, uh, hi. H-how are your day?” Ana cringes, wishing the ground would cave from under her. How are your day? Why is she so nervous to just speak with him!

“Good, great. If that was a question.” Tony answers, his voice is carefully calculated. “How are your day?” He repeats.

If she wasn’t feeling so guilty, so anxious, she may have laughed. Instead, she decides to get right to it. The sooner she tells him, the sooner she can end this painful phone call. “I have something to tell you.”

“Pepper mentioned.”

Right. Fuck, if she didn’t answer her phone, this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe Ana would have been fine with never telling Tony, and he would just have found out some other way. She just knows, deep down, how hurt he might possibly be.

She has never kept anything from Tony for as long as she knew him. With the way they left each other five months ago, well, telling him something he hadn’t known for this long could just drive the wedge between them even deeper.

Ana opens her mouth but all that comes out are tiny sounds of words dying on her tongue. She closes her mouth, eyes shifting to Rhodey, who nods encouragingly. Ana gathers herself once more, swallows her hurt and any pride she may have.

“Tony,” She finally says.

“Yep?” His response is quick; a tone Ana knows all too well. It’s the tone he uses to mask his own hurt.

“I-I should have told you sooner, but-” Inhale. Exhale. It shouldn’t be that hard to tell him this. Tony had been with her through some of the hardest events in her life. Suddenly not telling him feels like she insulted him personally.

“I’m pregnant.” 

The silence that stretches lasts so long, Ana has to check if the line went dead; it didn’t. “Tony?”

“How far? Five months?” Tony finally speaks up. He sounds distant.

“Eight.” The word comes out as a whisper. “I’m eight months along. 34 weeks.”

“Had an inkling. Do you want a congratulations?”

Ana feels like she was just slapped in the face. Tony doesn’t sound angry, just neutral, but even so, the words sting more than she ever thought they would. Her eyes prickle, her vision gets blurry. She clears her throat, turning her back on Rhodey so he doesn’t see her reaction.

“No, no, it’s fine. Just wanted you to know.”

“Girl, boy?” He asks.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Going old school, I see.”

“I just...I figured it was time to tell you,” Ana’s voice trembles. Her heart is aching, like she just ripped a band-aid from a gaping wound she forgot about. “I’ll let you-”

“Is it healthy?” Tony abruptly cuts her off. “Are…are you healthy?”

The question catches her off guard. “I- yeah. Um, there’s been some emotional stress and bed rest incidents, but otherwise, we’re healthy.”

“Good, good. That’s good. It’s late, you should go, rest.”

“Oh, okay.” Ana says weakly, feeling drained and disappointed. “Yeah. Um, have a good night.” She pulls the phone from her ear to hang up, then hears Tony call her name.

“Ana.”

She quickly holds the phone back up. “Yeah?”

“Will you let me- let us know? When it’s time?” 

Ana can’t be too sure, but she thinks she picks up a hint of hopefulness in his voice. “Yeah, I will. I’ll tell you.”

Another beat of silence passes. “G’night, kid.”

The nickname feels bittersweet, but maybe it’s a step in rekindling what she ruined of their relationship. “Goodnight, Stark.”

After she hangs up, a firm yet comforting hand squeezes her shoulder. “You good?” Rhodes checks.

Nodding, Ana shoots him something close to a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I just...I think I miss him. I do miss him.”

“You should have told him that. I know he misses you too.”

“Maybe...next time.”

Just those few minutes of that conversation has left Ana exhausted. She decides to take a nap, hoping that maybe sleeping will ease the ache on her chest.

*

Annie

Pain abruptly pulls Ana out of her sleep, ripping away from that dream world. She stares at the ceiling in confusion, wondering what exactly hurt enough to wake her up. Minutes pass, her eyes closing as she’s on the verge of falling asleep yet again, when the second wave hits.

“Oh fuck!” Ana yelps, her hands flying to her stomach. “F-F-FRIDAY, am I having a contraction?”

“I cannot be 100% accurate,” FRIDAY responds quickly. “I have alerted Agent Romanoff. There is a possibility of Braxton Hicks Contractions. I suggest changing positions and counting the minutes between each one.” 

Annie

A mixture of a sob and laugh escaped Ana’s lips, because of course she would hear his voice now as she hisses curses through her teeth. Oddly, the voice seems to calm her internal panic, through her pain. As she begins to sit up and shift, Natasha throws open the door. 

She’s talking but Ana can’t focus on her words just yet, too busy trying to lay on her side and fight through the contracting pressure. Thankfully, Nat helps her move and settle into a new position. Too long goes by, but finally the pain stops.

“Breathe, remember those exercises,” Natasha is telling her, rubbing her back. Ana adjusts her pillows, feeling utterly exhausted. “Do you know how long that was?”

“Two minutes and 24 seconds,” FRIDAY informs them. “Twenty minutes apart from the first one.”

“FRIDAY get Dr. Hammond on the phone please.”

“Already contacted.”

Ana just shuts her eyes, listening to the slight commotion around her. The baby moves, an elbow or foot clearly unhappy about the lack of space inside her uterus. She rubs her hand around her stomach, ignoring her fear of not being ready quite yet; it’s too early to give birth. Ana begins to wonder how Bucky would have handled this. 

Instead of feeling sad, a small smile spreads across her lips. Imagining someone like Bucky who was usually pretty calm and level-headed in most situations, his longtime soldier status the reason for that, would probably be panicking. Considering how he always acted any time Ana was in pain or discomfort.

“You look like a crazy person smiling like that.”

“Hasn’t anyone told you not to call a pregnant woman crazy?” Ana mumbles, cracking her eyes open to see Rocket smirking at her. “Are you so starved for entertainment you wanted to see what potential childbirth is like?”

Rocket shrugs, smirking. “Once I convinced some jerk the only way to smuggle his gun off Contraxia was to shove it up his ass. This isn’t as fun.”

A chuckle escapes her mouth, and suddenly the pressure she’s been feeling in her lower abdominal eases away. Ana heaves out a deep, long breath. Rocket’s smirk morphs into concern as he reaches out to gently pat the back of her hand. 

“Can I confess something?” She whispers to him. He steps closer, tilting his head down. “I’m not ready yet.”

Rocket leans closer. “If you want to know my opinion. I think you got this.”

Then he winks as if they’re conspiring. Ana reaches out to gently stroke his ear. Rocket looks shocked at the affectionate gesture, then he relaxes, smiling like he’s proud to make her feel better.

Natasha interrupts their moment. “Ana, Dr. Hammond is on the phone. She’s on the way but wants to talk to you if you can.”

Taking the phone with her doctor relaxes Ana further. Though when she explains the severity of the pain, Dr. Hammond suggests she have a bag ready in case she does have to go to the hospital. The doctor also requests that the AI to monitor her closely and send FRIDAYs system readings be sent to her On-Call phone, just in case.

Through the night, two more odd contractions occur. Although being irregular and far apart though not any less painful, one more call to the doctor has Ana cursing Braxton Hicks contractions. Natasha stays with her the whole time, and Steve lingers by the closed door for far too long.

Sighing, Ana demands sleepily. “Rogers, just come in already, my god.”

Sheepishly, Steve enters the room, and hunkers down at the end of her bed. Ana drifts off into the same world where Bucky is always waiting for her, always barely able to touch her. When she wakes up from the clouds of ash, she slowly turns over. The sight she’s met with makes the tears in her eyes dry up.

Apparently, during the night, everyone made their way into her room. Nebula, Rocket, Carol and Rhodes all sleeping around the bed or propped up against the wall or chair. Smiling, Ana falls back to sleep.

35 Weeks: January 22nd

Over the last three days, Ana has become lethargic. She’s just so tired all the time, despite sleeping for a few solid hours. Maybe the constant trips into that dream world with the little girl and Bucky leave drain her energy more than she ever thought it would. Maybe waking up, never able to save Bucky is taking its toll, and her heart, her soul just aches. She is just so tired.

Though being eight months pregnant and having false contractions probably has something to do with how exhausted she’s been. Ana has yet to tell anyone about her dreams, or how they leave her feeling just as empty as the day it happened. Informing anyone would just lead to more worry, have them doting on her more than they already do.

Steve constantly eyes her, a twitch in his corded muscles as if he is ready to jump into action for her. He thinks he is being covert; he isn’t. Ana can still read and pick up on feelings and energies. Natasha is more inconspicuous about it, rather she just lingers in any room Ana shows up in. Nebula has taken to just drop next to her, pulling out the deck of playing cards, her dark eyes keen if Ana just shifts wrong.

Rocket chats her ear off with stories of him and the Guardians. Most adventures leave Ana clutching her big round stomach in laughter. It’s the most she has laughed in months, and she swears the little raccoon does this because she admitted she was scared to him.

Rhodes has been pulled away for more government and military business, although he calls to check in everyday. Carol keeps offering the last bottle of elixir but when Ana refuses, she just gives her a cup of tea instead. With sneaking suspicion, Ana thinks the tea is laced with the elixir anyway.

As the winter sun begins to set, its light casts an orange glow through the windows, makes the whole area look warm. To Ana, it bares too much a resemblance to her dreams. She turns to head to bed early, leaving the haunting sight of the sunset to paint the interior with its mockery. Ana grabs the mug of tea Danvers left seeping for her, turning her back on the light.

With the twist of her hips, a sharp stabbing pain shoots through her stomach. Ana shouts, dropping the mug, shattering on the floor as she doubles over in pain. This clenched pressure is more severe than the other night, Ana can’t even straighten up. She clutches the counter for balance, panting and gritting her teeth.

 Annie.

 “Ana!?” Someone calls in fear.

Trying to regulate her breathing, the pain slowly eases up. Ana cautiously straightens up, but the second she does, another pain zings through her lower stomach. Her fingers grip the counter so hard, the granite cracks, gives, then crumbles under her vice grip.

Strong arms wrap around her, balancing her the best they can. Ana is vaguely aware she’s being moved, but through the blinding pain, there’s an internal fear of something hurting her baby. The pain, the agony, the hurt; something isn’t right.

“Ba- the -ba-by,” Ana stammers, chest heaving, hands now clutching her stomach. Beneath her palms, she feels the baby writhe. “Fuck! It- it’s hurting.”

“What? What’s hurting the baby?” Someone demands urgently. “Call 911! Or get the jet ready! Anything! Ana. Ana, honey, look at me, can you hear me?”

All she hears is a panicked tone, firm callous hands squeezing her elbows. The baby shifts, curling and twisting in her stomach. Ana wants to reach in and protect her child, their child, from whatever is causing this white-hot agony.

She won’t release her arms from around her stomach, she can’t respond to anyone’s worried calls. She just shuts her eyes, tears stinging before they escape. She’s panting, trying to breathe but the darkness around the searing pain is almost too seductive to resist.

Suddenly, the pain stops. Ana can finally breathe in and out, in and out. Once she can inhale without any more contractions, she can finally speak.

“Something is wrong,” She breathes out, fear clenching around her heart. “It doesn’t feel right.”

“Just continue to breathe like you are,” Natasha urges, her voice shaky. “If you’re able to make it to the quinn jet we can fly you to the hospital.”

Bracing herself on whoever is holding her, Ana grabs at their shoulders slowly standing up. Concerned blue eyes gaze down at her, roaming over her face for any other signs of pain. Steve lifts his hand to her forehead, pressing his knuckles against her skin.

“Shit, you’re burning up. Let’s go, I’ll carry you if you can’t walk.” Steve offers, about ready to do just that.

“No,” She heaves, wincing as a lesser contraction wrecks her. She waits until it eases up. “But-but- these are too close together.” Ana gasps then, looking down at her legs, her pants soaked. “My water just broke.” She whispers, terrified. “Steve, it’s too early.”

The way those blue eyes shift from his own fear to determination soothes her terror just a little. Steve and Natasha volunteer to go with her, though Carol insists she help bring Ana up to the launch pad. As they leave, a concerned Rocket waves, wishing her good luck.

“Have fun,” Nebula pipes up after Ana is nearly out of ear shot.

“Have fun?” Rocket deadpans.

Nebula just shrugs, her hands balled into tight fists.

**

Arriving at the nearest hospital only takes fifteen minutes by jet. By some mercy, Ana doesn’t have another contraction or pain during the flight. Once they get her a wheelchair though, another occurs. People are talking around her as she fights and breaths through the pressured pain entering the hospital.

“Who’s your obstetrician?”

“Uh,” Ana pants, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face. “Dr. Hammond.”

Thankfully, she doesn’t have to continue talking after that, as Dr. Hammond rushes through the doors of the floor they’re on. Grateful for Natasha taking over for filling out the remaining information needed.

“Is anyone coming in with you, Ana?” Dr. Hammond inquires, after speaking with some nurses. She looks between Steve and Natasha. 

The question catches her off guard. “No! No. I-” Ana chokes up, nearly breaking down with grief because Bucky isn’t here. She feels his absence, his death more than ever. “I can do it on my own.”

Those words seem to strike a chord with Steve. He abruptly moves in front of her, bending to her eye level. Fierce protectiveness shining in those blue eyes. Steve grips her hands hard enough for her to know.

“Ana,” He begins lowly, firmly. "You don't have-"

“I’m scared," She admits. Her bottom lip trembles as hot tears finally spill from her eyes. "I’m so scared. It’s too early. What if-“  

Hushing her gently, Steve carefully pushes back her damp hair. “I know, I know you’re scared right now. You can do this. I know you can. You are not alone. I’m with you, Natasha’s with you. We’re right here for you. You don’t have to do this alone if you don’t want to.”

Ana squeezes his hands as another mild contraction rolls through her. She hunches over, listening to Steve instruct her to breathe deeply. When it subsides, she looks up at him through tears.

“How can you be so sure?” She asks breathlessly.

He blinks, taking a second to realize what she means. Then his face softens. “Because you’re you. Because you’re the most determined, stubborn, and strong woman I know. You can do this. Then you get to meet your child after, and that is going to be amazing.”

Ana nods, trying her best to believe him. “Yeah, yeah you're right. I-I wish Pepper were here though.”

“We called her, she’s one her way.” Natasha pipes in, handing back the clipboard to the nurse.

"Nat,” Ana shudders out another deep breath as the baby wiggles around. Suddenly Steve’s words strike her deeper. “Will you stay with me?”

“I won’t leave your side.” Natasha promises fiercely.

Dr. Hammond jumps in then, informing Ana of a drug they’re going to give her to slow the labor, then run some tests. She instructs Natasha of a nurse coming out to bring her sanitary and protective gear for the delivery room when it’s time.

They wheel her towards another set of double doors, and that’s as far as Steve can follow for now. Before they go through, he bends over, placing a kiss on top of Ana’s head.

“You’re strong. You can do this. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.” Steve reminds her fervently.

Annie

A newfound strength enters her body. Ana can’t be certain if it was Steve giving her one last encouragement through her powers, or the voice in her ears.

*

Administering the drug does help slow Ana’s labor down, and thankfully she’s able to get the epidural put in. Steve is allowed to visit once she’s checked into her room and bed. Pepper gets delayed by a mild snowstorm but promises to be there as soon as she can.

Usually giving a drug to delay preterm labor to a soon to be mother works better, if the mother didn’t have a form of super soldier serum in her DNA. The drug wears off just nine hours later, as Ana found out as she awoke with more intense pains. Before she knows it, it’s time.

“Ready?” Dr. Hammond questions as she settles between Ana’s legs.

Frantically Ana shakes her head, scrambling to find Natasha’s hand. Nat grabs her hand with both of hers, leaning close to her head. It’s still too soon. What if something goes wrong? What if her powers act out? Oh god, what if baby doesn’t survive?

Natasha’s soothing voice in her ear encourages Ana as she pats the back of her hand. Listening to her words as the doctor and nurses prepare behind her propped-up feet, begins to calm Ana just a little. She swears she feels Nat’s steady, relaxed energy seep into her.

Instructions to push when necessary are relayed to Ana, but as she screams and shouts through gritted teeth and crushes Natasha’s hand, she has to. When the pushing starts, the lights in the room glow brighter. They begin to flicker, the room fading in and out of darkness. A golden hue shines around Natasha’s hands clasps over Ana’s. Her friend calling her name is slowly fading away, as she begins to fall under water.

Annie

She hears the muffled concerned voice of the doctor; something is wrong with the baby. Ana fights to stay awake. Fights to give her baby a chance because if Ana fades away now, will she take her child with her?

No. She refused to let that happen. Pushing with all her might, she channels what she has of her own energy through her blood, her body, to her child.

Annie

The voice beckons to her again. Over and over; a haunting echo of a lullaby. Ana stops fighting, allows the darkness of a faded loving caress to pull her in. She hears cries fill the room just as her world goes black.

 *

Stillness. Quiet. Serenity.

The absence of sound slowly pulls Ana up from the ground. As she stands there, her mind void of any thought, she stares ahead at the endless horizon. An invisible grip tugs from inside her chest, her feet moving of their own accord. She moves through the glassy sea, ripples spreading out with each step.

Blinking to awareness, Ana is face to face with a dark wooden door.

A small touch wraps around her left hand. Looking down, she sees that same little girl; her beautiful green skin, the markings on her cheeks, her red-brown hair. It’s her big eyes that gaze up at Ana that always reach into her heart. Ana closes her fingers around her little hand.

“Where am I?” Ana inquires, her voice quiet echo.

The child smiles. There’s something sad about it. “I think you know.”

Casting a glance around at the horizon of every way, she nods. “What is your name?”

The girl pauses, but only for a moment. “Gamora.” It’s then she releases her hand and steps back. “You aren’t here for me though. That’s okay. I can wait.”

Perplexed, Ana asks, “What do you mean?”

Without answering, Gamora holds her arm out to the door in front of them. Ana shifts her eyes to the door, and what awaits on the other side. When she looks to the little girl once more for guidance, Gamora is gone. She doesn’t ponder where she could have vanished to. Ana places her hands on the door, and pushes.

Warmth blooms from her chest, as if her soul ignites within. Her heart fills with hope, with love, and with terror. Ana has been met with this same sight before. Has felt these same feelings race through her veins every time she sleeps.

Bucky stands before her. Same ocean blue eyes, same soft expression, same little smile on his lips. He takes a step forward, lifting his right hand. Ana bites her lip, dreading for when they make contact, he will crumble into ash like always.

“Hi Annie,” Bucky speaks. His voice seeping into her bones.

Despite the inevitable pounding through her chest, Ana brings her own hand up. Slowly, she reaches for him, the warmth of his hand erases any fear. Bucky intertwines their fingers together, his smile widening. Ana moves closer, squeezing his knuckles. When Bucky remains solid and firm in front of her, tears fill her eyes.

“Bucky.” His name leaves her lips on a sob.

Her husband gently cups her cheek with his left hand, the cold of his metal palm sending goosebumps all over her skin. Ana presses her lips to his hand, holding onto to this moment for as long as she can. Bucky pulls his hand from hers, only to wrap his arm around her waist, tugging her to his chest. Ana grips him tight around his back, resting her ear directly over his heart that she can hear pounding in his chest.

“Are you real?” She murmurs, tears falling down her cheeks.

His soft chuckle rumbles through his chest. He leans back, delicately cups her cheek to pick her head up. Bucky connects their foreheads, eyes gazing affectionately into hers. His vibranium thumb sweeps along her cheekbone, wiping away her tears.

“I’ve always been real in your dreams, darling.”

Ana lifts her hand from his back to brush her fingers through his soft hair. “Is that what this is then? Just a dream?”

"Not exactly.” He laments with a sigh. Ana leans back, and the happiness in those beautiful eyes of his fade away. “I fear you may be here permanently if you don’t leave soon.”

“But I- I just got you back,” Ana frowns, shifting her hand from his thick hair to his cheek. The soft scruff of his beard tickles her palm. Bucky turns his head, kissing her palm. Her heat sinks then. “This isn’t real.”

Sadly, Bucky shakes his head. “This isn’t your world. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be selfish and just hold you a bit longer.”

Ana fully throws her arms around him in a vice grip, foolishly thinking if she can hold him tight enough, he can stay buried in her soul forever. His returning hug is just as hard, the pain from his grip just confusing her more. They move at the same time, finding each other’s mouth and placing a firm, desperate kiss to their lips.

“I need you to go back now, love,” Bucky gently urges, after he breaks their kiss.

“I don’t want to,” Ana cries, now clutching at his chest. “I need you.”

Bucky’s eyes suddenly fill with tears, falling over the edge and down his cheeks. For the first time Ana has ever entered this dream world, Bucky has never cried. She delicately wipes the wetness from his beautiful face. His smile breaks her heart.

“Someone else needs you now, Ana.” He tells her. Bucky kisses her forehead. “It’s time to go.”

Her chest tightens then, as if her soul is losing him all over again. Nodding as tears continue to fall, Ana wraps him up in her arms one last time, holding onto his warmth. She presses her right hand firmly over his chest, memorizing the rhythm of his heartbeat.

“I love you, Bucky. James, I-I love you so much,” Ana sobs.

Bucky runs his fingers through her hair, bringing the strands up to his mouth, before letting the hair fall back into place. “You’re my heart and soul, Ana. I love you.” He gently kisses her lips. When he pulls back once more, his blue eyes shine with pride. “She’s beautiful, by the way. Take care of her, Annie.”

“She?” Ana frowns, confused.

He places his hands on her chest. “Wake up.”

Then, Bucky fades into dust.

 *

Ana gasps.

"We got a pulse!” Someone shouts.

Ana blinks up at too bright lights, dazed, confused, abruptly cold. The commotion around her fades into the background as she slowly becomes aware of her surroundings. Her fingers scratch against stiff cotton, her damp skin making them feel too sensitive against her hands.

A dull pressure releases from her lower half, from her stomach perhaps? Her back? Her hips? Nope, it’s definitely soreness between her legs. She’s cold and sweaty, can now feel her hair sticking to her face. Her chest is heaving, her arms lifting as to reach for something.

“I don’t understand, her vitals stabilized quickly. They’re all normal, doctor.”

The minute the words break through the muffled barrier of whatever ocean she was under, is the minute she hears the crying. In a rush of sensory overload, everything crashes back to her.

Her baby. Ana just gave birth.

“Mrs. Barnes? Ana, can you hear me?” Dr. Hammond’s voice is speaking to her right.

Nodding frantically, Ana answers her hoarsely. “Y-yes. I’m fine. I-where’s my baby?”

Still a little unfocused, she misses when the nurses double check her vitals, and then, the wails of an infant come closer. Someone questions if it’s a good idea, doubts the steady condition she seems to be in. Whoever it was is shot down though, as blonde and red hair come into Ana’s vision.

“Thank, god,” Natasha breathes, her shoulder sagging. “You scared us.” She shakes her head, then smiles. “Would you like to meet your daughter now?”

Carefully, Natasha hands over a little bundle of a blanket, laying Ana’s baby on her chest. Hands works to gently tug down her gown and unwrap the blanket. It��s that first skin to skin contact, that first feel of her baby girl’s beating heart against her mother’s, that breaks Ana.

Ana cries, sobs, as she delicately holds her daughter against her chest. For the first time in a long time, her soul pulses with warmth.

 ***********************************************************

Drabbles: Twenty-Three     Drabbles: Twenty-Five

(Note: Ana’s labor/birth is loosely based off of my sister-in-laws experience.)

Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​​​ @buckyland​​​ @stressedasalways​​​ @watchoutforfrostbite​​​ @justreadingfics​​​ @keldachick​​​ @eurynome827​​​ @elatedmarvel​​​ @shesalatesh​​​ @paintedgreywriting​​​ ​​ @buckaroo-blue​​ @afewmarvelousthoughts​​ @crushedbyhyperbole​​ @shesalatesh​ @jaxthebookworm​

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 23

Let Me Feel as Hurt as You Do

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Loss, Grief. Anxiety attack. Someone gets mad. A very slight implication of mentioned abortion, but not by word, by context. (This chapter focuses some on Steve and Ana)

Words: 14,639k words. Ha. Ha. I’m sorry.

A/N: Again, sorry for taking so long to update. From Jan-March 12th, I was completely booked soild at work. And then, this virus happened and I got laid off and oh look! A new chapter! I hope everyone is healthy and staying safe and staying inside. Here is a 14k+ chapter for you. (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) 

Previously: Ana had a full on energy bursting breakdown. Steve ran after her, causing him to feel his own energy drain, and leaving small cuts and bruises on his arm, left by Ana. Time is told by weeks of pregnancy. 

A pounding pressure circles Ana’s entire head, as if her brain is trying to squeeze itself out through her skull. Her nose is clogged, her mouth slightly open to breathe, to taste the air that no longer smells like Bucky; the last thing she had been trying to hold onto. At least this way she can’t smell the scent of him fading away from the fabric of his shirt she’s wearing. Instead, the air faintly tastes like charred earth.

Her eyelids are heavy, swollen from the tears that have yet to stop. Ana sits silently, gaze transfixed through the floor to ceiling windowpanes where the glass had shattered, decorating the ground like crystals.

Wet tracks have stained patterns on her cheeks, tear after tear. Her mind is thankfully blank for the time being. Just focused on watching the glass reflect off the lights in the compound and the glow of the moon. Her vision begins morphing the reflections together like dark watercolors. An odd flutter in her stomach rolls through her, gently pulling her from the depths of her mind; the colors had begun to form a dusty orange landscape.

“Hey, think you feel up to drinking this for me?”

Blinking back to awareness, Ana watches as Carol wiggles a little jar in front of her. That same elixir she had made her drink on occasion; it truly helps her feel better physically. Carol hands her the vial, their fingers touching. The moment of contact stirs the energy within Ana, causing her body to tense up abruptly. It lasts for a moment, before the tension eases into something calmer than she’s ever felt. It’s different, welcoming, and Ana finds her hand covering the other woman’s to chase that odd serenity.

“What?” Ana breathes, confused.

Carol offers her a friendly smile. She leans a tad closer. “You and I, don’t think we’re that different, power wise.”

“I don’t understand?” She blinks a few times.

Ana is utterly exhausted after her outburst, yet she could still feel the light turmoil of her energy prickling just under her skin. Now, her energy is finally beginning to settle, feels similar like the rings Shuri gave her.

“I’m stabilizing your energy levels,” Carol explains smoothly.

“You-you can do that?”

“Didn’t know until right now, figured I’d try it.”

“You’re so powerful,” Ana whispers, inhaling slowly as her body finally relaxes. “Much higher than my level of- this.” She vaguely gestures to her own body with her free hand. She allows herself a few more moments of Carol’s touch before taking the bottle from her.

“Then it’s something we can chat about later, once you’re feeling better,” She promises. Then she smirks. “And when you don’t look like you got swallowed whole then spit back out by a Flerken.”

“What’s a- never mind,” Ana sighs tiredly, opening the jar.

“Slow sips, alright? Rest for a few days. I have more if needed.”

She nods in silent gratitude. Carol pats her shoulder twice, though Ana doesn’t feel the same comforting flow she did just a minute ago. She also doesn’t miss Carol’s head jerk to Natasha as she walks away. Natasha follows her, and if Ana wasn’t as drained as she is, she may had been more curious.

When she finishes the elixir, Rhodes and Steve help her stand and make her way to her room. She briefly notices small spots of blood on Steve’s sleeve. She frowns, but Rhodey asking if he can make a call to Pepper, and would it be okay with her, distracts her. Ana nods, struck aware that she hasn’t spoken to her cousin in two months.

Another realization overcomes her as the men assist her down the hallway. Ana had been unintentionally horrible the past three months to everyone around her. She didn’t just shut off her emotions, she shut out her friends.

*

Just twenty minutes after she’s in bed, a light tapping sounds at the door as Ana slightly readjusts her sitting position. Apparently being reacquainted with her emotions also comes with new pains and aches; her lower back for one. Ana finally gets her pillows in the right position, nearly forgetting someone is at the door.

It cracks open, Natasha peaking her head in. “Is it alright for me to enter?”

She sounds so formal. Ana can’t blame her. “Uh, y-yeah,” She clears her raw throat. “Yes.”

The corner of Natasha’s mouth cracks with a sad smirk before her face goes back to unreadable. She gently shuts the door behind her, moving toward the bed, Ana shifting her legs over to give her a space to sit. Which she does.

Ana bites her lip hard, nervous about Natasha’s pending anger. Worried Nat will give her a verbal lashing, even though she knows she deserves it. Her skin prickles with the apprehensive energy in the room. She inhales shakily, counts to five in her head before exhaling, rubbing her hands over the bottom curve of her growing stomach.

When Natasha finally speaks, her voice is unreadable. “Ana.”

Ana nearly flinches hearing her name. She makes the briefest of eye contact with the former spy. A single tear escapes Ana’s left eye, despite her efforts to keep them at bay. Natasha slowly reaches out to- what? Would she actually slap a pregnant woman? Flick her off? Make another rude hand gesture? Ana breaks their stare, ashamed- and isn’t that quite amazing to feel that now. Shame for how she’d been for the past three months.

Instead of a sharp stinging slap, or a bruising pinch, the gentle hand laid on her shoulder genuinely shocks her. Ana shoots her gaze up again, another tear overflowing. There’s a softness in Natasha’s eyes that she hasn’t see in so very long, her green eyes glassy. Her fingers apply pressure to Ana’s shoulder a moment before her shoulder is pulled forward a little. The motion makes her chin tremble, biting her lip still, nearly hard enough to draw blood.

Natasha exhales sadly, a little huff of air before she fully pushes Ana closer. Suddenly, she has Ana’s face pressed to her neck, and her other arm is hugging her tightly around her back. A hug. Nat is giving her a hug, one she doesn’t deserve in the least. A comforting, supporting hug. Something Ana hasn’t felt in months.

Tears flow freely down her face once again. Natasha holds her as best as she can, her fingers digging into her skin.

“I…I,” Ana stutters between hiccuping gasps. “Nat-“

“I know, I know,” Natasha replies softly. “Shhhh, I know, Ana. Apology accepted. Just let it out now. I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ana wraps her arms around her as much as she can manage, fingers pressing into the solid form of comfort. She nearly cries herself to sleep that way. Barely conscious enough to realize Natasha moves her back and covers her with a blanket before she succumbs to sleep.

For once, Ana has a dreamless slumber.

*

Steve rubs his thumb over the already scabbed over crescent marks on his forearm, noticing the faint bruising around them too.

“Glass get ya’?”

Rocket’s voice grabs his attention, going back to sweeping his pile of shattered glass into the dustpan.

“No, just-“ But Steve stops because he doesn’t have an excuse. Not to mention he’s sure everyone witnessed everything.

“She always been strong enough to draw blood from a super soldier?” Rocket continues casually, finishing his pile before jumping up on the arm of the couch. Eye level with Steve’s arm now.

A brief memory flashes through Steve’s mind of Ana accidentally clipping Bucky in a sparring match outside their hut. It led to a busted lip, Ana apologizing profusely while straddling Bucky and him looking up at her with proud adoring eyes as if she hung the moon.

He mentally shakes the memory away. She always had a hidden strength about her, but never enough to physically bruise them with just a grip of her fingers.

“No, this would be new.”

“Has no one noticed her growing strength these past weeks?” Nebula muses lowly, studying a small device in her hands. She fiddles with it, then points it at the first pile large of broken glass. “The minuscule signs of her powers becoming unsteady?”

She presses a button, a short burst of purple light shoots from the device. Suddenly the pile is gone, nothing but a wisp of smoke before it fades. Steve in utter shock, is impressed with the tool, and vaguely thinks if they had that a while back it would have saved them a lot of clean up time in previous home attacks.

“Uh-“ Steve begins.

“Oh, let me do the rest!” Rocket demands, hopping off the couch and grabbing the device as Nebula holds it out.

“The light charred marks on tables,” She continues, her dark eyes locking on Steve’s. “The-

“Dent marks? Yeah,” He says, leaning against the back of the couch. Rocket cackles as three more piles disappear. Steve continues. “Didn’t catch the first signs though.”

“Ana is…fascinatingly powerful. More than any of you realize.”

Crossing his arms tightly, Steve frowns in perplexed curiosity. What has this woman from another planet seen in Ana that no one else had noticed. That he himself hadn’t paid attention to. “Care to elaborate?”

“The sheer amount of energy she released,” Nebula pauses, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Was extremely similar to that of-“

“Captain Rogers, you have an incoming call from Mrs. Stark.”

FRIDAY’s interruption could have come at different time than this. Steve drops his arms as he pushes himself off the couch.

“We’ll talk about that later,” He tells Nebula, heading toward the conference room.

She nods, then snatches the device from Rocket just as he was about to test it on a lounge chair. Steve ponders her words over in his head, some pieces coming together from the past month. He did noticed the perfectly scorched hand print on the bedside table in Ana’s room tonight. However, speaking to Pepper takes precedence at the moment.

*

Five days pass before Ana remembers the details of her breakdown. Five days before she connects the spots of blood on Steve’s arm was her doing; granted, she had slept soundlessly for most of those days. Her body seeming to finally catch up on a decent amount of sleep and beginning to heal from her emotional stunted issues. As in, she’s been overly emotionally now, like her hormones are speeding up to make up the past three months.

It was recommended by Pepper, after Ana had a long overdue conversation with her, that she should watch cute animal videos, or light comedic movies to lift her spirits a little. It worked for one day before she came across a fluffy kitten video and started crying at how cute the little kitty was.

Now, Ana gingerly gets up to use the bathroom, her bladder clearly smaller and being constantly pressed on. Instead of getting back in bed however, she leaves her room in search for Steve herself. That, and she suddenly has a craving for mango pizza again.

“What the hell are you doing walking around?” Rocket greets her as she rounds the corner to the kitchen.

“I’m hungry,” She replies with a pout, slowly moving to the freezer. “Have you seen Steve?”

“There’s plenty of people here to bring you food, take advantage of that, Barnes.”

Ana halts for a moment hearing her last name, the little “space raccoon” as Rhodes likes to call him, only knows her as Ana Barnes. She inhales slowly, then pulls open the door.

“And would you have brought me food on a tray?” She shoots over her shoulder, voice teasing. She nearly forgot how it feels to tease someone.

“What do I look like, a servant? I meant use the others.” He replies flippantly.

For the first time in a long time, Ana cracks a smile. A small chuckle even escaping past her lips. She turns to glance at him, and swears she sees a little smirk from him too.

“Ana? What the in hell are you walking around for?”

Ahh, there he is. She closes the door, but keeps her hand on the handle for support. “Looking for you, and hungry.”

Steve fixes her with his disapproving looking before he suddenly looks surprised. “You’re hungry?”

“Yes.”

He sighs. “Go lay back down and I’ll make you something.”

“No, this is specific-“

“Could’ve just asked FRIDAY to call someone.”

“I disabled FRIDAY from my room, remember?” She reminds him awkwardly as Steve begins to usher her back. “Two months ago.”

“Right. What’s this specific food you want?”

“Mango piz- wait.” Ana stops, wincing at her abrupt movement. She looks over her shoulder again after she takes a steady breath. “Rocket, is that my glock? And my knife set?”

Rocket had gone back to doing his task before she had entered, popping his head up to acknowledge her.

“Oh, yeah,” He answers lightly. “Stole them from that shooting range here. You ain’t using them right, full belly and all? No? Good. Couldn’t find your metaled arm husband’s gun, figured I’d clean these instead. In case you decide to have another cool outburst- I mean, breakdown, they’ll be of use.”

Ana just stares as Steve covers his laugh with a cough.

“That okay?”

There’s no snark coming from him, just a teasing glint in his dark eyes. She can’t pinpoint why, but Rocket cleaning her long forgotten weapons and clearly knowing they were hers, touches Ana more than she thought it would. She recalls him handing her Bucky’s gun after the incident; which is now carefully put away in the closet.

“The smaller knife on the right is spring loaded,” She informs him with a small smile. “Used to be inside the boots I wore. It’s a good knife. Take care of them all.”

Rocket grabs the knife, finds the switch and springs it open. He salutes with it as Ana follows Steve back to her room.

An hour later has Steve serving freshly made pizza with chopped up mango pieces on top. Ana already feels bad the second he came in. He takes one look at her grimacing face and groans, setting the pie down on the bedside tray.

“You’re no longer craving this, are you?” He guesses, dropping the paper plates as well.

She shakes her head. “Sorry.”

“Hungry for anything else?”

“Did I hurt you, that night?” Ana abruptly questions. It’s the whole reason she wanted to find him in the first place. Not for food.

“What are you talking about?” Steve frowns, hands on his hips.

“Nat’s always been right. You’re a terrible liar, Rogers.”

He sighs, sitting down on her bed next to her legs. “Ana, you weren’t aware of draining my energy.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” She replies, then grabs his left arm.

Ana pushes the flannel sleeve up to his elbow, pulling him closer to see better. Five very faint crescent shapes on his arm are barely visibly in the light but they’re there. Four in a row and the fifth just a few centimeters to the left. Ana traces the shapes with her finger, his skin smooth from any scabbing.

“I saw blood on your sleeve that night,” She informs him, raising his arm to her eyes for a better look. She turns his arm side to side, no resistance from him. “Thought maybe it was the glass. It wasn’t.”

There. Ana keeps his arm at a slight angle, and the smallest discoloration of yellow stands out against his usual peachy skin tone. “I held onto your arm.”

“Yeah,” Steve confirms calmly. “Dug your nails in. Had a pretty strong grip there.”

A thought runs through her mind, causing Ana to drop his arm. She very suddenly does not want Steve to put any of his own thoughts together. Calling herself out on the cuts was a bad idea, and anxiety shoots through her chest. She doesn’t want anyone to know or to possibly connect her oddly growing strength. Ana herself has been aware it for weeks.

“Sorry I hurt you,” She rushes out. “Sorry,” Ana repeats kinder. “For everything.”

Steve looks like he wants to continue the subject, then thinks better of it. “Don’t worry about apologies right now, okay? Just take it easy for the next week, try not to stress yourself out, Ana. Once you’re feeling better and off bed rest, we can revisit it.”

“Okay, yeah. Sounds good,” She agrees, mentally breathing a sigh of relief. Though she can’t help feeling like her and Steve are treading on thin ice.

She shifts around, adjusting the pillows. Steve helps her, mainly making sure she doesn’t accidentally fall off the side. Ana feels exhausted again, her lower back aching as she finally finds a position comfortable enough.

“Apparently turning your emotions back on makes you realize you’re actually pregnant.” Ana huffs, half on her side.

“’Bout damn time,” Steve snips instantly. Ana quirks an eyebrow. “I mean! I didn’t mean for that to sound rude. I just meant, sometimes it felt like you didn’t…care.”

“Steve,” Ana begins solemnly after a short pause. She looks him straight in the eye, stressing her next words. “Natasha said the same thing to me. If I did not want or care for this baby. I would not be pregnant anymore.”

It’s silent between them as her words sink in. She can see in his eyes when he comprehends her meaning. Steve drops his head for a moment, before he meets her gaze again. He takes her hands in his, squeezing.

“And we would have supported you with whatever decision you made,” Steve tells her just as serious. “We still do. Support you. That’s all any of us wanted to do. We’re…we’re your family now. We’re here for you and little Barnes in there.”

Ana scoffs to cover the tightness in her throat. “You’ve always been my family, Steve. Well, at least for the past seven years.” That earns her a chuckle. “Thank you.”

“You look tired, get some rest.” He releases her hands and begins to stand.

“Actually, I kinda want the pizza now.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t hide how happy her eating seems to make him.

*

Ana cautiously makes her way to the bathroom, pressing her hands to her lower back as she walks. She turns on the sink, cupping her hands under the faucet and presses the cold water to her clammy face. Sighing in relief, she repeats the notion until her face feels clean of sweat. Body aches and mild hot flashes bringing the clammy skin, her ankles beginning to swell just a little. It’s almost as if her body is reminding her of the growing human inside her uterus with a vengeance. Payback for now finally feeling everything from her lack of feeling nothing for weeks.

However, she does take comfort in the facts that the baby is healthy and her most of her vitals are back to normal. Ana reaches for a washcloth on the counter, patting her face dry. She catches her gaze in the mirror once she’s finished, and stares.

Dull dark eyes peer back at her, the golden dots just matte specks. Grayish-purple circles are prominent against unusually pale skin tone. Highlights the fine lines of her lower eyelids, lines of exhaustion, stress, loss. Her face has thinned, looks sullen from lack of smiles, of laughter. The white of her eyes bloodshot, either from tears after so long of not shedding them or just lack of sleep.

Ana’s reflection startles her. This is the first time she has truly taken in her appearance in months. Too afraid to see the failure in her eyes of not saving Bucky in time. Of not stopping Thanos. Of the loss of life in her own eyes. She takes a step back, seeing herself entirely.

Smoothing her damp hands over her stomach, she grabs the hem of her- Bucky’s- shirt, lifting the material just under her breast. Which, have also grown bigger in the past three months. It’s not as if she hasn’t noticed her body growing, or seen her belly before, considering she has a top view of it every day, but this. This feels different.

Her skin has obviously accommodated the growing baby, proof of stretch marks on either side of her belly button that now pokes out. The old bullet wounds on her abdomen have stretched out as well, and the last few letters of her rib tattoo just barely affected. Ana traces her fingers over the new marks, then sees the slight movement of her belly in the mirror. A slow smile spreads across her lips, because this is different, and her mind drifts into another memory.

Ana shivers, legs tangled with strong muscular ones on the bed. Clothes long since scattered along the floor, a shirt on the lamp, bra on the mirror.

“Can’t wait to see your belly grow,” Bucky murmurs thickly. Nose grazing around her navel for the umpteenth time.

“Bucky,” Ana whines, breath ragged and pleading.

“Gonna look radiant, love.” He continues to praise, lips burning a trail of flames to her hip. “So fucking beautiful. My girl, my amazing wife.”

He stops his kissing, turning his head to lay his ear and cheek over the lower part of her stomach. His breath hitches as he listens, as her fingers sink into his long thick hair scratching his scalp.

“It’s the most beautiful sound in the world,” Bucky exhales, voice strained with emotion. “That little heartbeat. God, I can’t wait to feel this little jellybean move in there.”

Ana, despite wanting her husband to have his focus between her legs, laughs. “That’s what you can’t wait for?”

Bucky kisses her bellybutton, then her scars. “And many more, but, yes. My ma told me-“ He hesitates for a moment, as if he’s shocked he reminds the memory. “Whenever my sisters moved around, they were waving at me. Like they couldn’t wait to meet me.”

“Bucky, sweetheart,” Ana’s voice is a gentle sigh, fond and full of adoration. “This baby definitely can’t wait to meet you either.”

He hums. “I used to sing to them, when my Ma was pregnant. Said they could hear me. So, I talked to them every day. Like I’m going to talk and sing to our little one every day.”

Overwhelmed with how much she just fucking loves Bucky, Ana tugs him up to her, cupping his cheeks and giving him a deeply passionate kiss. His fingers tracing her stomach, over and over, until he finally lowers them.

A dull jab to the left side of her stomach pulls her back to her reflection. She chuckles wetly, tears escape as she blinks. Because this. This is her finally coming to terms.

“I can’t wait to meet you, little bean,” She whispers. She moves her hand to the same spot, feeling their baby moving around.

This. This is Ana finally connecting.

 25 weeks:

Another dream. The same dream. Over and over and over. Each time, ashes slip between her fingers the moment she touches Bucky. Each time he gives her that sad smile. Each time he speaks her name so tenderly. Each time, no matter what she does to try to save him, dust ingrains the lines of her palms, settles heavily in her lungs.

Each time she wakes with tears, panting and struggling to breathe. The only difference now is the ache in her chest, the stabbing pain through her heart, a haunting in her mind, and the shredded frays of her soul. The only thing that comforts her now, is the sound of Bucky’s voice recorded on the kimoyo beads.

Like clockwork every night, Ana hears Steve’s soft footsteps, a defeated sigh. On the eighth night, this changes. Steve finally knocks, cracking the open door she no longer keeps locked. Ana waits with her head in her hands for him to come in and sit on the edge of her bed.

She takes a few calming breaths before speaking. “What made you finally come in?” She inquires, face still hidden in her palms.

“How did you know I was there?” Steve asks bemused. He doesn’t wait for her answer. Instead he says, “Figured it was about time. Your nightmares. It’s what led to your...breakdown.”

Ana remains silent. He’s not wrong.

“I have nightmares too. So does Nat, Rhodey, all of us. Not sure about Nebula though, she’s more stoic than you were.”

She chuckles slightly at that, but still doesn’t look at him. She can feel his nervous energy radiating off him though, and it’s overwhelming to feel her ability again. There’s still an odd sort of tension between Ana and Steve. Makes her skin tingle and nerves jumpy, she almost wishes Carol were here instead.

“You don’t have to talk about them. You don’t have to talk to me about anything.” Steve continues, his voice morphs into a desperate hint of a plea. “Just, please don’t shut me out again, Ana.”

Frowning at her hands, she remains still, allowing him to talk.

“I mean,” He says quietly. “You shut everyone out, but it was worse with Natasha and I. Especially me. You never looked at me. You still can hardly look at me. I think I know why, and…I am so fucking sorry.”

Finally, Ana picks her head up, shocked and confused. But Steve’s eyes are staring off to the side, his hands twisting his fingers around. She follows his line of sight, to the picture of her and Bucky on their wedding day. When she looks at him again, his jaw clenches as he swallows.

Abruptly he stands up, but Ana reaches for his arm, grabbing his wrist. She sees him wince and realizes her grip is too tight. She quickly releases him as he stares wide eyed at her. She opens her mouth to ask why he apologized. Maybe ask why he’s suddenly leaving after he’d been pacing back and forth listening to her nightmares for weeks.

But a strange sensation shoots through her lower stomach and she gasps, hands immediately going to the spot. “Oh, fuck,” Ana whimpers with a wince. “Baby didn’t like that move.”

“Are you okay!? Do I need to call Dr. Hammond?” Steve asks frantically.

“No, no, I’m fine,” She reassures him, the pain fading. “Just moved too fast is all.”

Steve hums like he doesn’t quite believe her as he shakes his wrist out. “You look abnormally pale, lost your tanner complexion.”

Ana shrugs, not mentioning the lack of sun and definitely emotional stress is part of it. Instead, she attempts to reach for the nightstand drawer. Steve beats her too it, pulling out one of the vials of the elixir. He pops open the top, handing it to her. She nods her thanks.

“FRIDAY,” Steve addresses the AI that was reinstalled days ago. “What’s the read on Ana’s vitals?”

“Body temperature is normal, heart rate slightly elevated at 150 bpm. Fetal heart rate is normal range at 153 bpm. Mrs. Barnes blood pressure remains low at 90/60, however there are no other signs of distress at this time.”

“Thank you,” He says, seeming to relax just slightly.

“Mrs. Barnes, you haven’t taken your medication tonight, and your water intake has been minimal today. I can print out some prenatal yoga exercises and breathing techniques for you. I’ve noticed your sleeping pattern hasn’t improved enough to be considered healthy. Your appetite has improved quite a bit though.”

“This is why I disabled you in the first place,” Ana grumbles as Steve’s gaze narrows at her.

“I was truly impressed you bypassed my firewall, I was also hurt by your action-“ FRIDAY responds. Ana makes an indigent noise and swears FRIDAY sounds snippy. “-As I do care for your wellbeing. As does Mr. Stark.”

“Okay, that’s enough, thank you!” She snaps. The AI goes silent. Ana ignores the thick lump forming in her throat at the mention of Tony.

“Drink your water and take your medication.” Steve’s tone leaves no room for agreement as he gives her both her cup of water and the bottle of meds.

She does as she’s told, swallowing the pill and taking slow sips of water. She can feel her body relax and the baby roll around until it decides the position it’s is good enough.

“I don’t mean to continue to shut you out,” Ana confesses suddenly, eyes meeting Steve’s who was about to leave. “I’m still just trying to process feeling again. It’s overwhelming and I’m trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. The whole reason I did it in the first place, Steve, to was protect my child from any negative affects through me. You may not believe me, but everything I did, everything I’m trying to do is to protect my baby and keep it healthy.”

Sighing heavily, she puts her cup and bottle down, leaning back against her pillows. “Haven’t done a great job though.” She adds as an afterthought.

“I believe you,” Steve says, staying by the door. A shadow flickers in his blue eyes, and the energy around him changes darkly before it’s gone. “I just…sometimes it just feels like-“

Ana frowns because he just stops talking, shaking his head. Something is bothering him, and she swears it’s more than just shutting him out. He’s anxious about it. “Feels like what?”

“Nothing,” He gives her a nearly convincing smile. “It’s late, you should try going back to sleep.” Steve exists after that, closing the door but stopping the last few inches. “Ana, I’m here. If you need me. For anything.”

“I know,” She whispers as he shuts the door.

Ana covers her face again with her hands, inhaling slowly. She can still smell the faint ashes from her dreams, can still feel a phantom touch and realizes with a start, that she is not the only one to lose Bucky.

**

Finally, Ana is off bed rest, Dr. Hammond visiting once more for a check up and seemingly much happier with her health. She mentions the pains could possibly be Braxton Hicks contractions, a sign of her body beginning to prepare for birth. There’s only three months left and it’s this information of her body preparing to welcome a tiny human into the world, that Ana is appalled at herself. For a few reasons.

The first is Ana herself is not prepared whatsoever for a baby to arrive in three months. The second is knowing she hasn’t spoken to Pepper hardly at all, and rushes up to Rhodey. She all but interrogates him, asking if Pepper is angry. Demanding to know if Pepper is alright. Inquiring if the family is okay, and quickly questioning about Tony.

“Glad to see your rambling is back,” Rhodes quips, a smirk teasing his mouth.

He has been sitting in one of the conference rooms, apparently talking to whichever US Government leaders were left. Ana had come to find out that Thaddeus Ross was one of the many to disappear in “The Snap” as Rocket now refers bitterly to it. Ana however, doesn’t know how she quite feels about that bit of information. A bitter satisfaction does curl in her chest though.

“You sound a little like yourself again,” He continues, shutting off the holograms.

A deep ache throbs in Ana’s heart, and she doesn’t have the nerve to tell him that she cries almost every night now. That she spends more time watching and listening to a recording of her husband than talking to anyone else. Ana’s heartbreak remains the same as it was three months ago.

“I’ll be your go between just a little longer,” Rhodey says, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But you both need to speak to each other on your own. He still doesn’t know.”

“Oh.” Ana startles, feeling oddly hurt that Tony doesn’t know she’s pregnant. “Um…do you know why?”

He shrugs, standing up and adjusting the orthotic around his waist. “Pep thinks it should come from you personally.”

The third reason is the fact that while she shut her emotions off, Ana also deliberately shut off any help. She knows Natasha was hurt by it, knows she was pissed to hell, but her and Ana had a long two hours talk about everything. More apologizes from Ana included.

Ana decides it’s time to let people back in, because, as she swallows some bit of pride, she cannot do this alone. She finally calls Pepper, crying on the phone to her cousin because, fuck does she miss her husband, and this is the first time she’s truly allowing herself to feel every ounce of her pain and heartbreak and emotions. After a good hour of that, she goes back to her first reason; being appalled and angry at herself.

“I don’t have anything, Pepper!” Ana whines into the phone. “I’m not prepared. I don’t have a crib, I don’t have clothes, diapers! Wipes!? I don’t even have a damn blanket or pacifier! Oh my god, what if the baby gets sick and I don’t have that little nose sucker thing or a thermometer!? No little socks! This baby’s poor feet are going to freeze because it’s horrible, emotionless fuck of a mother couldn’t-“

“Whoa, hey! That’s enough, Ana!” Pepper scolds. “Take a breath, bug. You can’t work yourself up again like that. It’s going be okay.”

Pepper’s promise holds up. Within a day of their conversation, Pepper stops by with bags and boxes of baby supplies. Some are hand-me-downs, most everything else is new. Boxes of diapers, wipes, bibs, neutral blankets and little onesie’s. Pacifiers, nail clippers, a soft brush, a bathtub, socks, and beanies.

“Who’s Morgan?” Steve questions as he helps carrying in the last box. That he sets down in the living full of people, Morgan’s Baby Stuff written on the top.

Ana freezes with the veggie fruit smoothie Natasha made her, pressed to her lips. Her eyes shoot over to Pepper. Her cousin looks guilty for all of three seconds, before she sighs and shrugs.

“My two-year-old daughter,” She informs, likes it’s the most casual thing to drop that two-year secret. “Tony- both of us, decided to keep it a secret after your falling out.”

The shock of Tony Stark having a daughter ripples through the room.

“You all went your separate ways, most of you off the grid in hiding.” Pepper explains, hands on her hips. “If anyone is angry, then get over it. It was our decision to keep our privacy and family safe from public knowledge.”

“Oh, um, congratulations?” Steve offers awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ana snorts against her cup, nearly splashing her face with liquid veggies. Pepper mutters her gratitude, and that’s that. They continue to carry the gifts further into the room.

“I already knew,” Natasha confesses quietly to Ana, tilting her glass up to make sure she drinks. Of course she did. The infamous spy she is.

Ana glares at her as she takes over dramatic gulps as Nat, who’s hair is slowly turning red at the roots, rolls her eyes.

 It takes a few hours for Pepper to coax Ana to leave the compound and go to a store. Ana makes it halfway down the driveway to the car and stops. Her hearing has grown sensitive, and she knows why, however, she doesn’t hear much of anything.

The birds that used to sing in the trees and woods are silent. There’s zero scurrying feet over the dry leaves on the ground, and the feel of the air around her is…heavy. Broken and hurt. And here she is, about to shop for her child, for her and Bucky’s child.

Without him. Broken and hurt.

“I can’t do this,” She mutters, turning back to go inside.

Pepper doesn’t force her or convince her again. Instead, they pick and order a crib, highchair and anything else she needs.

As Ana rests, watching in a daze as Pepper folds little towels, she places one pile next to Ana. Shifting her eyes, she sees a onesie that says “Little Bean” with three coffee beans decorating the front. Pepper lays matching socks on top, oblivious to Ana’s reaction. She reaches for the tiny socks, the cloth soft in her hand.

“Annie Doll, come look!” Bucky shouts excitedly from the front door. “Ana!”

They had just gotten back from the hut, and she wants to shower the smells of hay and warm weather off. Ana sighs fondly, doubling back from the bathroom. She stops in the living room when she sees a gleeful Bucky holding up a package of six socks. Six, tiny baby socks.

“What in the world?” Ana laughs in bemusement. “Where did you get those? Oh, they’re so cute!”

“Shuri! Well, no-“ Bucky corrects himself as he comes closer. “She helped me navigate one of those baby store websites and I saw these so I ordered them!”

“Bucky, you know I’m only six weeks in right, babe? We have so much time to buy all the socks!” Though as she says it, her heart swells with warmth and love over Bucky’s excitement.

“Yeah…but look!” He nearly shoves the small things in her face. “Baby goats! They had goats on them and I just- what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Ana can’t control her face, or her suddenly wet eyes. She just grabs her husband by the nape of his neck and kisses him firmly. She drags him to the couch, because she won’t make it back to their bedroom.

Remembering that day, Ana gets up too fast, pausing as a wave of dizziness hits her. She waits until it passes, then begins to frantically pull open drawers, searches through her closet, through boxes. She finds nothing as she throws clothes and drops objects to the floor.

“What are you looking for?” Pepper questions cautiously.

“I-I can’t find them.” Ana says with a shaky voice. “I need to find them. I have to find them.”

“Ana-“

“He bought them,” She mumbles, ignoring the tears falling down her cheeks as she rechecks the top drawer. “He bought them. He was so excited, and I can’t find them. I-I need them for Bucky. He bought them for the baby.”

A hand on her shoulder makes her turn and burry her face into Pepper’s chest. “I can’t find them!”

The socks Bucky bought aren’t in her room, which means. The six little pair of goat socks are somewhere in their home in Wakanda. It’s such a small thing, but it breaks Ana all over again. Feeling like her body is being ripped in two once more.

Reminds her that the black hole in her chest will never be whole again.

 27 Weeks:

Nothing gets easier. Ana almost shuts her emotions off again, a few times, until she ends up have a conversation with Nebula one night. It starts off with a game she said her, and Stark played while they were drifting off in space. She takes out a thick triangle, Ana immediately recognizing the little paper football.

Ana smiles sadly at the triangle, remembered when Tony played the same game with her as she recovered in the hospital after her brother had attacked her. The game moves on from light comments, to Ana teaching her simple card games. From there, is transpires deeper. Nebula brings up her suspicions of Ana’s nightmares and growing powers. Unknown as to why she does, Ana opens up to her.

“I thought it was because I was stress free in Wakanda. I was the happiest I’ve ever been.” She recalls somberly. “I was with the person I loved more than anything in my life I had Bucky.” Ana wipes the tears that escape her eyes. She takes a moment to gather herself as Nebula waits patiently.

“I had, have these rings that help regulate my energy. I haven’t been wearing them lately though, maybe that’s why? Or the growth of my hormones with the baby? Or-“

Her right hand slips slightly, her fingers grazing over the stone embedded in the last knuckle of the glove. She yelps, either from pain or the new surge of power coursing through her.

Ana blinks, the memory flashing through her mind. Reminding her.

I touched an Infinity Stone, doesn’t seem to be something Ana should confess just yet. However, Nebula was born on a different planet, and the daughter of that horrible titan. She may possibly know more about the stones than anyone else.

The first time Ana had been in close proximity to Nebula, she felt energy and emotions just as chaotic, and dark as Bucky’s had been; if not a little more. It had to be Nebula’s own moment of vulnerability, suffering so deeply from pain and lose and rage. Since then, she had been stoic enough for Ana to sit close to her, just to feel energy that wasn’t openly heavy. Maybe it’s why Ana decides to tell her.

“Nebula,” Ana begins quietly, urgently, hoping no one is overhearing. “If I tell you something, do you promise to keep it a secret? I’m trusting you here.”

Nebula isn’t one to express her thoughts or emotions, or anything for that matter on her face, but this clearly shocks her. Her dark eyes are wide as she sits back. Nodding once she leans back in, closer to listen to Ana.

“I, I think I touched one of the Infinity Stones,” She mutters, nervously rubbing her hands over her stomach. “I’m sure of it.”

A beat passes. “No Terran can touch a stone without damage. Or death,” Nebula states ominously. “It is not possible.” Though as she says it, her words drift off in thought.

“Don’t you know all about the stones? Does Rocket?” Ana can’t help but inquire.

She shakes her head, eyes looking oddly disappointed. “I only know one of their main functions. Some were simple, straightforward, like the Power Stone. Others were more complicated. My father was never one to spill the secrets of each stone he found.”

“Maybe that’s the one I touched? The Power Stone?” Ana foolishly asks with hope.

“Do you recall the color?”

“No,” She huffs, defeated. Abruptly she doubts herself. “I’m not even sure if it really happened anymore.”

Ana doesn’t elaborate, feeling rather silly for even mentioning it. Maybe she dreamt it. Maybe she was hit so hard it knocked her brain around a little. Maybe she was so emotionally distraught that she just fabricated it. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything.

“You have dreams?” Nebula questions, bringing Ana back.

“I have nightmares,” She corrects. “Always the same, like a strange world.”

“Your physical strength has grown since touching the stone.”

“Yeah,” Ana drawls out, wincing. “That’s…that’s not part of it, I think. Wait. You’ve noticed that? My-my strength?”

“I have. You could be a lethal warrior if you wanted.”

Internal panic tightens her chest. She hoped no one was going to notice; leaving bruises on Steve was one thing, possibly passable and could be forgotten. Even her newly sensitive hearing. But the cracks in objects that aren’t easily crackable? The broken hinge of the door to the roof when Ana pulled to hard? Those aren’t as easy to explain or hide.

“Is that another secret, Barnes? How powerful you have become?”

“Please,” She sags, abruptly feeling tired. “It’s not something I want to talk about yet.”

They don’t speak for a few minutes. Then Nebula makes a tiny smacking noise against the table. “I win.”

Ana looks down at the game of war they paused to talk. Nebula’s duel card is an Ace. Ana flips her over. It’s a Queen.

“I enjoyed that,” Nebula states coolly, gathering the cards messily. “I am going to beat Rhodes now.”

Ana is left laughing softly in the living room. Her panic slowly dying down.

28 weeks:

Entering her seventh month of carrying a human being inside her has really taken affect on Ana. Her hair has gotten much longer, thicker than it was. It’s probably the only thing Ana likes. The heartburn, light sciatic pain, and lower back pain and peeing every five minutes she could all do without. Thankfully, Ana’s vitals and the baby’s have been good enough for Dr. Hammond, who once again stresses the support group for expecting widowed mothers.

Finally relenting, Ana agrees, but with a blush on her face asks Natasha to go with her. The drive isn’t too far, and it’s the first time she has left the compound since Wakanda. There’s a significantly less amount of cars on the road, barely any traffic for a Friday at 5:30pm. The lack of birds and planes flying through the sky. The absence of bikers and runners.

Clenching her hands into fits, Ana rolls her shoulders back, taking a deep breath. Her skin prickles with new energy, new emotions, especially when Natasha stops at a red light. Ana meets the eyes of the person sitting next to them; a middle aged man with vacant eyes. The light turns green and as he drives away, there’s a sticker family on the back of his car; a wife and five kids.

The radio turns to static, then shuts off. Biting her lips, Ana tries not to think of every single person who lost their families, friends, children, the love of their lives. The confusion, the horror, the guilt people must have felt, still feel. Ana’s breathing begins to rapidly pick up, and that same clenching pressure makes itself known in her lower stomach.

“Nat,” She grits out, closing her eyes in an attempt to calm herself.

“Are you going into labor in my car?” Natasha deadpans, a hint of humor behind the flat of her voice.

“No,” Ana huffs a strained chuckle. “But I can’t do this. I thought I could. But my energy…”

“Figured with the radio, just don’t shut car down either. I’m turning around right now, don’t worry. Just count your breathing. Slow inhales and exhales. Touch around you if you need too. You’re alright Ana”

How ironic, Ana thinks vaguely as she follows those instructions, for someone titled an Empathetic Healer to have her own anxiety attacks. To have someone who used to come to her, be the one coaching Ana.

Fuck, she misses Bucky with every aching molecule.

Bucky was so good, so attuned to her, that he was always able to calm her down instantly. All he had to do was gently brush his metal fingers against her hand, or cheek. All he had to do was give her a tight squeeze with his right hand, or press his forehead to hers and silently breath with her until Ana had followed his calming pattern. Or press her hand to his chest like she had done since the beginning. Coo gentle, loving words to her. Even now, she hears that phantom call of her voice.

“Have you picked a name yet?” Nat’s gentle voice provides a slight distraction.

She takes her time to answer. “Not-not really. We considered a few, but it was still too early.”

She hums. “I assume Bucky was excited?”

Remembering how Bucky ran out of the room and spun her after the positive result, Ana smiles to herself. The undeniable glee that lit up his entire beautiful face, his eyes the bluest she had ever seen then, shinning with tears. The kisses her placed on every inch of her body that night, taking his time to set every one of her nerves on fire. Brought her to the highest of highs, just to bring her crashing down into him, safe, happy and loved.

Ana isn’t aware she’s silently crying until the tears drip off her jaw and land on her stomach. Soaks into the fibers of another one of Bucky’s shirt, because when she wears them, it’s like carrying him with her wherever she goes. Ana wipes her tears with trembling fingers.

“Yes,” She answers belatedly. Despite the shuddering breath she takes, she feels like she can breathe better. “Ecstatic.”

“Did you know that little shit Rocket, stole my egg rolls and ate all four of them!” Natasha abruptly informs her. “Nearly threw hands with a raccoon.”

The sudden change from her vicious threatening voice to her pitiful grumble and the story itself, has Ana breaking out in laughter. It’s a liberating feeling, getting to laugh as brusquely as she did. Lessens the tightness in her chest a little more. She laughs for two minutes straight, Nat joining along with her.

“Thank you, Nat.” Ana whispers after they’ve calmed down.

“I swear if another apology follows that, I will punch a pregnant woman in the arm.” Though as she threatens this, Ana can see the coy smirk on her mouth.

Instead, Natasha reaches over, squeezing her hand. She tries not to feel all of Natasha’s anguish, but the little she does get, reminds her that she’s not alone in this aftermath. Ana returns the gesture with a harder grip.

“Now, fix the damn radio, would you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

*

The next two nights pulls Ana straight to sleep after she gets comfortable on her left side. She’s so tired the past 48 hours, that her mind finally shuts off, and she has dreamless nights. It doesn’t stop her waking up feeling guilty, like she missed the dreams on purpose; it brings the same agonizing ache as always.

It also never stops from calling out to her while she’s conscious. As if her soul is angry that she missed that dream world for two days. Something happens following lunch three days later, while everyone is gathered around the kitchen island.

Annie.

The soft whisper is like a trance caressing her body, a lovers call inside her mind, beckoning her back. Back to sleep, because she knows, without a doubt, she will end up in that world. The strange orange world, where the sky looks like the burning afterglow of raging fires. The odd world with wetless water, an unknown little girl, an ominous door.

There, in that place of illusion, does she hear his voice loud and clear. Calls her by her name, lifts his hand to gently fit his palm along the curve of her cheek. He’s there, always with that sad little smile. His eyes so incredibly blue, so tender, yearning as if he misses her.

In that world, is Bucky.

In that world, Ana can steal just a few moments feeling Bucky. Against her skin, in the air. His breath in her lungs, his beating heart in the empty cavity of her chest. For just five short seconds, begging for time to stretch, pleading for time to freeze, Ana has Bucky in her soul.

Annie.

Her sharp inhale brings her out of her own daze, dropping her face in her hands. She shakes her head, resisting the urge to just take a nap, allow herself to fall into that water once more. Sometimes, she wishes she could just sleep and not wake, to stay forever with Bucky in that world. Then maybe, maybe she could save him.

“Bucky,” Ana barely murmurs under her breath. Tears stinging behind her eyelids. “Bucky. I miss you. I miss you.”

She leans forward, until she rests her head on a solid surface, face now hidden in the crook of her arm. She right hand grips the edge, fingers clenching as she hears his voice in her head again. Her soul cries out for its missing half.

“Ana? Everything okay?”

She makes a noise, can’t tell if it’s a confirmation or not. Her chest feels like it’s tightening. The baby jabs a sharp kick, or a punch, aimed right at her ribs. It’s enough to jolt her back to reality, and she slowly pushes herself up straight. She meets the concerned gazes of six other people.

The lights of the compound are flickering again, the air heavy with dampening energy. Nebula is the closest to her, and carefully reaches over to uncurl Ana’s fingers from the death grip on the counter. Bits of granite and dust sprinkle to the floor, Nebula leans over the cracked spot. Ana gives her a curious look, then quickly meets the gaze of everyone else. She makes eye contact with both Steve and Natasha, keen green and blue eyes not fooled by the cover up.

“Are you feeling alright?” Carol questions, stepping closer. “Your energy levels seem to be spiking.”

“Y-yeah! Yes! I’m fine!” Ana quickly reassures. She inhales and exhales deeply, and the lights steady. “Uh…the baby. Yeah, the baby was just moving around a lot is all. I’m fine, feel fine. Honest.”

Natasha sighs, suddenly looking tired and leaning her hands on the counter. She shakes her head, then her and Steve share a look. A silent conversation. Steve nods once.

“Ana, I think it’s time to talk about something you’ve been trying to hide,” Natasha speaks calmly.

“I’m not hiding anything,” Ana denies. She’s usually better at lying than this. “I told you, pregnancy has thrown my energy off a little, that’s all.”

“Cut the bullshit, Ana!” Steve snaps coldly, eyes flashing.

Ana blinks in shock. Steve angry is…a little frightening. He doesn’t stand to be lied to. “Steve-“

“You have been getting stronger?” It’s a question but it sounds more like observation.

“I’ve gained my strength back now that I’ve been eating more-“

“Not what I am talking about.”

“You have to know, Ana,” Natasha urges, brows pinched together.

She stares at them for a second, then she gets up as quickly and carefully as she can. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Ana walks out of the kitchen, heading towards her room as fast as she can waddle. Her heart is pounding faster, her own panic about the developing situation coming to the surface. Of course, Ana has noticed herself getting stronger the further she gets into pregnancy. It’s not like the thought has never crossed her mind. She had just been too busy shutting her emotions off and trying to figure out that dream world and trying not to suffocate on ashes and heartbreak.

Of course, she’s noticed the dented fingers marks on wooden and metal surfaces, of the spidering cracks in the toilet bowl, the ripping of several maternity sweatpants as she tugged them up over her stomach. Of the broken pieces of plastic cups and one of the bottles of the elixir. Of course, she knew the bruises she left on a damn super soldier were from her.

Speaking of.

Steve follows her down the hallway, catching up rather quickly. “Ana! Ana, please. Look, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to snap at you, but you have to know. Maybe just get it checked out by Dr. Hammond, or another doctor, run some tests. I’m just worried how this could affect you and the baby.”

Ana halts when she’s in front of her door, rounding on Steve. “No! This doesn’t concern you, Steve!”

“I’m just looking out for your wellbeing!”

She grabs the handle of her door with frustration. “I don’t know why you suddenly seem to have an obligation to me, but-“

Ana stops talking the moment she forcefully pushes the door handle. She didn’t account for how much strength she used as she shoved. She stumbles forward, her arm going straight through the hole, holding the doorknob. It’s splintered with jagged edges from the broken wood. She stares wide-eyed at the shape of the hole, strangely looking like the broken piece would fit back in perfectly like a puzzle.

This is new. Ana slowly moves her gaze to Steve; who gawks at her. Shit.

Awkwardly, she gently tries replacing the section of wood she pushed off. It sticks, not fitting quite right, but she’ll just pretend it did happen, like everything else she had broken.

“Holy fuck,” Steve whispers, stunned.

Deciding to remain silent, considering there’s no way around it, Ana just watches Steve. She can see him mentally gathering the pieces in his head. She only makes it to the count of four as he figures it out.

“I fucking knew it. It is enhancing you.”

“Steve. Please don’t,” Ana pleads, her anxiety making her nerves burn.

“The serum transferred to you. Which means it transferred to-“

“No, no it didn’t!” She desperately disputes. “This is just a weird fluke thing. You know, Nebula accidentally pulled off an entire door last week.”

Steve shakes his head, eyes flashing with concern as he looks her over. “We need to take you to a doctor. Dr. Cho maybe, run tests to confirm it.”

White hot panic surges up her spine. Ana frantically shakes her head. This is exactly why she didn’t want anyone to know, why she didn’t give it much thought. Why she hid it. Drawing blood, conducting tests, being studied; all for the slight chance of her baby possibly having the super soldier serum in its genetic code.

“Absolutely not!” Ana states fervidly, fear rising up in her.

He frowns, expression serious. “Ana, this could be-“

“I know what it could be, Steve!” She yells. “I know exactly what this means!”

Ana places her hands protectively over her stomach. “It’s the serum! It was in Bu- in Bucky’s genetic code. In his DNA. Which means it’s more than likely is in the baby’s genetics! My baby is going to be enhanced, there’s no way it’s not. Bucky is a...was-“

She breaks off, voice shaky, her body trembling. She swallows thickly, knowing she must finally face the truth. She feels movement under her hands, as if the baby is confirming what she’s known since the beginning. All her senses becoming sharper; hearing more sensitive, eyesight slightly better.

“Bucky was enhanced,” Ana continues, voice as panicked as before.  “I’m-I’m enhanced. I don’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I can’t! If doctors or scientists found out, if anyone finds out that this is the child of the Winter Soldier and an Energy Alchemist!? Who the hell knows what exactly they would want to do with our baby!”

“Ana,” Steve looks torn, “We can keep it a secret. Find a trustworthy-“

“Fuck trustworthy, Steve!” She shouts, slicing her hand through the air. “No one is trustworthy! They’re still out there! Hydra, AIM, other organizations and groups just like them!”

“Hey, hey-“ He attempts to interrupt, to calm her down. It doesn’t work.

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY’s voice speaks up over them in warning.”

“I know!” He says to the AI.

Ana barely hears their exchange. Her breath begins to shorten, chest tightening. “Thanos didn’t fucking correct the universe like his fucked up brain thought! It didn’t snap away the evil people of the world. It made it easier for them! Hydra- Eric Woods kidnapped us just three year ago! If they knew. They’re still out there. If they find out-“

“That is not going to happen!” Steve promises vehemently, stepping closer.

“They- they can’t! Can’t find out. This is all I have left,” Ana begins to hyperventilate, cradling her stomach. “This is all I have left. This is all I have left.”

“Hey, honey, I’m sorry. Deep breathes, Ana,” Steve coaxes gently. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen.”

Ana is barely aware of her skin beginning to glow brighter. The walls started to tremble, the floor shakes. She feels a chaotic and static energy in the air. There’s a sharp tightening in her chest again and she needs…she needs her husband.

But Bucky isn’t here. Ana is not dreaming; she doesn’t see him. She doesn’t hear the faint haunting murmurs of her name. He’s not gently touching her cheek, gazing at her with those loving blue eyes. She doesn’t feel Bucky and that’s one of the worst things that has been carved out of her soul.

“Okay, okay, no doctors, Ana. I swear it,” Steve says carefully. “Just try breathe, Ana.”

Slowly, he reaches out to her. As if to comfort her, support her, remind her that she is not alone in this. When Steve’s fingers are inches from her skin, she can feel her powers reacting viciously. Ana takes a step back.

“I-I can’t!” She pants heavily. “It feels like. I wake up. Ashes. Dust. It’s- I wake up from ashes and it’s everywhere! Its-It’s in my lungs. My throat. It feels like I’m suffocating! I wake up and I’m suffocating.”

If she was aware enough, Ana could read his expression as broken, maybe a little helpless. Instead, Steve finally touches her. He doesn’t even get his fingers wrapped around her wrist, before he is abruptly, and harshly ricocheted backward.

His body is thrown halfway down the hall, slamming against the end of the wall. He hits it so hard, plaster and cement crack and rain pieces down on his limp form. Ana smacks her hand over her mouth. Light bulbs shatter, the air sizzles hotly, and she covers her head with her arm as bits of glass fall from the lights.

Despite the sight and groaning from Steve, Ana can’t seem to get a handle on her power, her energy, her emotions. It’s what lead to her outburst of power weeks prior. She isn’t wearing the rings Shuri gave her, has no other way of regulating herself. Quickly, she presses her hands to her chest, trying to regain her breathing, to focus, to control her emotions, her powers. Maybe she should turn off her emotions again. It’s better, safer for everyone, and herself.

Something grips her left shoulder, vice and grounding. Abruptly, Ana’s powers halt, then begins to settle. She gasps at the sudden feeling, but she doesn’t push it away, instead she grabs the hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

“I’m right here,” A soothing reminder. Carol’s voice. “You’re okay, you’re alright. I’m here.”

It’s the same feeling Ana had experience before with Carol’s own powers. As if they call out to her, like it wants to comfort her. Remind her that she really isn’t alone; not with this.

Her eyes sting as Ana tightly shuts them. Inhaling slowly, deeply, she nods. Her knees feel weak, her skin hot as she comes down, everything falling silent and settling around her. A sharp jab to the side of her stomach makes her wince; the baby protesting the rise and fall of the energy.

Ana snaps her eyes open, releasing Carol as she takes a shaky step forward. She feels the hands behind her hovering by her arms, a precaution in case she stumbles. Steve is taking his time getting up. A wave of guilt mixed with nausea curls through her.

“S-Steve?” Ana calls out with a trembling voice.

He attempts to push himself up, but his hand slips, and he presses his forehead to the debris covered floor. Ana moves closer. She doesn’t quite understand what happened. Her energy shouldn’t have knocked him back like that without the protective shield. In fact, twice it’s accepted Steve. Once in Wakanda, right after half of everyone vanished, and when he recklessly held her just weeks ago.

When she reaches him, now with Carol’s supporting hands on her arm, she carefully kneels placing a shaky hand on his back. Steve’s panting slightly, groaning low in his throat as he finally gets himself up on all fours. He tilts sideways, sitting back and slumping against the wall.

“Are you- did I hurt you?”

When Steve looks up to meet Ana’s gaze, her heart clenches. The emotion storming in his blue eyes roots her to the spot. His eyes are red, wet, tracks of tears staining his cheeks. The utter guilt, shame, and pain shinning in them renders Ana speechless.

“I’m sorry,” Steve croaks. Ana shakes her head, perplexed. “I’m so sorry, Ana.”

“No, I-“

“This isn’t on you,” He cuts her off, wincing as he straightens himself. “I failed you.”

Lifting his hand, he lays it gingerly on her shoulder. “I promise-I swear on my life. I will keep you and your baby safe. I…I couldn’t keep Bucky...I couldn’t bring him back to you. I broke that promise to you. I won’t break this one.”

Ana feels her face screw up with emotion. “Okay,” She exhales thickly, tears spilling from her eyes. “Okay.”

She drops her forehead to his shoulder, her own shaking as she cries. Through her tears, she listens closely, trying to decipher Steve’s breathing. His heart is slowly settling back to his version of a normal rate, and his breaths even out, no sign of broken ribs.

“Feeling alright?” Steve checks in a few minutes of them sitting there crying.

Sniffling, she wipes her nose on her sleeve and leans back. “Are you?”

“Just bruises, I think. Feeling exhausted, but I’m okay. Didn’t beat me up too bad. I’m actually a little proud.”

It makes Ana chuckle wetly, wiping more tears away.

“You guys okay?” Carol questions behind her. Ana hears the concern hidden in the coolness of her tone. “Didn’t rattle your brain too much, did she Rogers?”

“Nah, I can do this-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Ana cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “He’s got this annoyingly admiring habit of never staying down.”

A smile lights up Carol’s face as she extends a hand out for her. Ana takes it, allowing her new friend to lift her with her majority of her strength. When she looks behind Carol, Natasha is standing right there. There’s no anger or disappointment in her eyes, she just offers her a tiny smile then goes to help Steve up, brushing off rubble from his shirt.

“I,” Ana hesitates, soothing her hands over her belly as the baby wiggles around. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t had tried hiding this from either of you.” She addresses Natasha as well.

She carefully wraps her arms around Ana. “We shouldn’t have pushed. You know we love you. We’ve been nothing but worried about you. And this little one.” Natasha lends down to gently rub Ana’s belly. “Huh? Just being a strong little super soldier in there, aren’t you?”

The baby responds by kicking again. Ana sighs, the sensation it a little weird to her. She can’t help but crack a smile, despite hurting Steve.

“I’m not lying when I say I’m scared.” Ana tells them. She looks at Steve. “But, if you think it’s best I go see-“

“No,” He interrupts her. “How could I ever think I had the right to tell you what to do, to make a decision for you and your baby. It’s your choice, Ana. If you don’t want too, don’t. I’m sorry I pressured you. You have all the right not to trust anyone.”

“I trust you, you know, that right? I trust all of you here. I just don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve breathes heavily, and carefully wraps his arm around her.

Ana leans into him, exhausted and suddenly livid at herself for pushing him away for months. Angry that she pushed away people whom she considers family and ignoring their own pain in the process.

“I’m sorry if I’m still a little off,” Ana apologizes shyly. “Having to deal with my emotions again, feeling so much around me. It’s overwhelming.”

“Hey, don’t worry about any of it. We understood, and we still do.” Natasha says. “By the way, a very annoyed AI alerted me of your spiking vitals. I always found it a little creepy how emotional Tony makes his artificial intelligence. Just take it easy the rest of the night, yeah?”

Ana nods as Carol beckons for them to get out of the hallway. She helps them both along, guiding Ana carefully over shattered glass.

**

Hours later, after the hallway has been cleaned up, both Ana’s and the baby’s vitals checked thoroughly by FRIDAY and a call from Dr. Hammond, Steve finally knocks on Ana’s door. He figures it time to honestly talk to her, lay out his own fears. To truly apologize to her.

“Are you concussed?” Ana asks flatly. She’s propped up against her pillows, with two beneath her knees.

Steve smiles despite himself, making yet another connection between her and when Bucky was a teenager yanking him out of back alley fights. Closing the newly fixed door behind him, he comes to sit on the edge of the bed. He notices in her hands, one of the many journals belonging to Bucky, opened as her fingers trace the written words, like she’s tattooing them on her skin.

“Hard head, remember?” He quips, getting comfortable in his position.

Ana snorts and kicks at his propped up knee. Inhaling to calm his nerves, Steve decides it just best to get right to it, staring straight at those big brown eyes.

Ones that have always seen right through people. Ones that have hardened and burned cold the past several months. He swallows thickly. Her gaze pins him to his spot. The only person to ever make him feel like he’s being picked apart down to his soul has been Natasha, but Ana is a very close second. But then she blinks, the cold lessening as confusion settles in.

“You’re nervous. I can feel it.”

“Everything is my fault,” Steve confesses in a rush, keeping eye contact even though he wants to sink into the earth.

“What are you talking about?”

“There’s been uh, a few things I’ve been too afraid to tell you. To talk to you about.” He rubs his sweaty hands on his jeans. “You said you didn’t know why I have an obligation to care take of you. Well, I made a promise to you in Wakanda, remember. I also made one to Bucky.”

 Ana’s frown deepens but she remains silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

Wakanda, fifteen minutes before the battle of Thanos:

Steve had to tear his eyes away from Bucky and Ana’s goodbye, not from discomfort, but if he continued to watch he would have told Bucky to stay with her. He should have told Bucky to just stay with her, for them to protect each other, to help protect Shuri as she works on Vision.

He should tell Bucky now, to just go back where he belongs, right next to his wife. Steve watches Bucky with a keen eye as they ride towards the field; the wind blowing his long hair back from his face. Steve’s known Bucky his entire life. He knows every little sign of distress, anger, no matter how hard Bucky always tried to hide it from him. Only one other person knows Bucky just as much as Steve does- probably knows him even better by this point.

Bucky didn’t want to leave Ana; anyone could see that. Now, as Steve watches Bucky’s new vibranium hand fiddle with a loose thread on his pants, he knows it’s taking everything in his friend to stay on the hovercraft. Bucky’s hips keep shifting his weight side to side. His chest is rising is slow calculating movements, his jaw is clenching, he slowly closes his eyes. Steve swallows thickly. They should have never asked Bucky to join one more fight. He makes up his mind.

“Buck-“

“Steve,” Bucky interrupts what he was about to say. He opens his eyes, stares straight ahead. “If anything happens to me-“

“Don’t fucking talk like that.” Steve reprimands firmly, dread curling in his stomach.

Bucky meets his gaze, serious and, fearful. “We can’t kid ourselves here, pal. If- if anything happens to me-“ He swallows with his brows pinched together. “Can you…can you take care of her?”

“Bucky-“

“I need you to take care of Ana for me. Please. I need to know they will- she. I need to know she’ll be taken care of. Please Steve.”

The begging desperation in Bucky’s eyes nearly breaks his heart. For once, Steve bites back his disagreement and nods. “Of course, I’ll take care of her, Buck.”

A sudden heavy boot presses down atop of Steve’s foot. “Thank you.”

His whisper of gratitude is nearly lost in the sounds of them landing at their destination. They file off the aircraft, but Steve can’t stomach it anymore. He quickly turns to Bucky, who double checks the knives at his thigh holster, and grabs his gun from the crate.

“Go back, Buck. I mean it. Just go back to Ana.” Steve orders. He can hear how frantic he sounds. “You should be together.”

A bitter smile flashes across Bucky’s mouth. “With you til’ the end of line, Stevie.” He lifts his gaze from his gun, that same old mischief back in his eyes. “Plus, Ana’s safest where she is right now. It’s your dumb ass I gotta protect. Like always.”

From his right, Steve hears Natasha snort in humor. He shoots her a glare then shoves Bucky ahead of him, and just like that, they’re leading the march onto the battlefield. It feels way too reminiscent of their time in the Howling Commandos, marching into battle.

*

Silence follows as Steve finishes telling Ana that bit of information. Watches as she slowly smooths her hands over of her stomach, having put the journal aside. Her left hand pauses for a second, gently tapping her fingers over the spot, presses down, and continues on. Her wedding rings reflect like glitter off the lights as she moves. Steve frowns, curious. She’s been doing that a lot lately and he wonders how often the baby kicks, if it feels the same restlessness as its mother.

“Well, it was a pretty dumbass move when you went after Thanos with your bare fucking hands.” Ana says.

Steve makes a protesting noise. “Didn’t you do that same thing?”

“We’re talking about you here, not me. Plus, I had the shield activated.”

The little humor he hears in her voice makes Steve smiles just a little. At least some of her old self seems to be shining through the broken cracks.

“Of course, Bucky would ask you take care of me,” She whispers solemnly.

“Haven’t kept that promise to him though,” Steve mumbles. “He said “they” at the time, and I didn’t put it together until you told me. But I’ve been doing a shit job, to be honest.”

“To be honest,” Ana repeats his words with firmer tone. “That’s completely on me. I haven’t made this easy for anyone. I am so incredibly sorry again.”

Steve reaches out to grab her hand, giving her fingers a firm squeeze. “No one blames you for what you did. We understand, but your, what is it now? A hundredth apology is accepted.”

Ana offers him a small smile. It falls a second later. “Why do you think it’s all your fault?”

“Because I broke my promise to bring Bucky back to you. I broke my promise to both of you.” Steve lowers his gaze, taking his hand from hers. “If I just. Fuck. If I just defeated him, if I just had killed Thanos with every chance I got, then none of this would have happened. I would have brought Bucky back safe and sound and you wouldn’t be going through this alone. Vision would still be alive. Wanda wouldn’t have had to endure all that pain. Fuck, she was still so young. And Sam-“

Steve hears his voice crack and he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying desperately to hold back his tears. He didn’t come here to have a sob fest on her bed. A soft warm touch rests over his other hand, a gentle trickle beginning to ease his emotions.

“Steve,” Ana speaks so softly.

He slowly pulls his hand from her touch. Finally looking up, he shakes his head. “I don’t need you to do that. You don’t need to change use your ability for me. Don’t exert yourself.”

“But you feel so sad,” She tells him. Steve nods in a mute confession. “You haven’t spoken to anyone about this have you?”

He shakes his head again.

“Then talk to me if you won’t allow me to help you.”

He huffs his exhales, giving her a look. “Have you talked to anyone about how you feel?” Steve challenges, not unkindly.

“No, but what do you think this? Just get it all out. Talk to me.”

This was not what he came here for. He just wanted to wallow in his own self-deprecating pity. To confess to Ana that he had failed her, he failed the universe. The crushing weight of that brings him down in a pit of darkness each night, drowns him in his own horrible nightmares. Watches helplessly as all his friends fall to the ground in piles of ash.

Steve came to Ana, with some oddly placed masochism and a small bit of hope that she would lash out at him again because he deserves it. He deserves her avoiding his eyes. Deserves to nearly have his own life drained from his body, to have her powers injure him as he’s thrown against solid concrete. To have any ounce of her hate, anger, placed all on him.

But the way Ana sits patiently, kindly and not shouting cruses or damnation to him. The way she just tried calming him, helping him, is exactly who is she. Despite the months of shutting off her own emotions. A small piece of herself is still there, if broken and haunted, but there.

It causes Steve to finally break.

“I’m angry!” He spits out, clutching at the sheets. “I am so fucking angry at myself! I could have made Bucky stay with you. I could have saved him.” Steve releases a bitter laugh. “I guess that’s my track record though isn’t it? I could never save Bucky. Not from that damn train, not from fucking Hydra, not from Zemo’s revenge, not from being stolen away from you.

“You know, I thought when I was first got the serum, that I would finally be able to protect the people I love most, to protect my family. What a load of bullshit! I still lost him. I had to watch him die, again. You had to watch Bucky die and I still couldn’t protect him. I couldn’t protect you from losing him. I couldn’t protect my family, my friends, the goddamn world! I couldn’t save anyone from Thanos.”

Tears are freely falling down Steve’s cheeks, tracing into his lips and soaking into his jeans. He licks the saltiness from his lips, taking in a trembling breath. He sniffs hard, shaking his head again.

“I failed. I failed everyone. I failed Tony-“

“Steve-“ Ana attempts to dispute his statement, but he doesn’t allow her.

He continues without giving her an ounce of room to speak. “I did. I betrayed him. He’s right, maybe if we fought together, we could have defeated Thanos. That’s on me. I failed. And I failed Bucky again, time and time again and because of it. I failed you too.”

“That night, when you broke down, I felt every single emotion you had. All your anguish, your loneliness, your pain, your heartbreak. You felt empty. It was crippling, suffocating. That’s not something you should have to deal with or feel by yourself, Ana. None of this is your fault. You didn’t fail. Just put it all on me instead. I deserve that.”

 “Hey, stop!”

Steve abruptly scoots forward and quickly grabs her right hand, pressing his solidly against his chest. He ignores her startled, somewhat fearful look. He feels an electric spark shock his chest as her skin glows for a fleeting moment. It fades when she clearly doesn’t feel threatened anymore. If Ana had blasted him back again, he would have welcomed it.

“You shut off your emotions, Ana. There’s a part of me that wonders if it made it easier to shut me out too. Do you hate me because I failed you? Because I failed the entire universe? I’m fucking Captain America, who let the world turn to dust. I want you to hate me, Ana. I want you to lash out at me.”

Ana yanks her hand back, then promptly slaps him across the face.

Steve blinks twice, stunned. His cheek stings and he tastes copper on his tongue for biting the inside of his cheek. His head clears a little, and he thinks yeah, he probably deserved that. When he gathers himself to meet her gaze, there’s fury in her eyes. Something he hasn’t seen in Ana for so long.

“I nearly killed you, Steve!” She hisses at him, shaking out her hand once. “I wasn’t trying to share my pain with anyone else. You just happened to be there, and I almost stole your life energy. You’re the only self-sacrificing idiot that runs headfirst to hold onto to a Life Drainer. How the fuck is that making good on your promise to Bucky to take care of me, if you aren’t even alive!?”

Guilt floods through his veins as Steve realizes she’s right, and he got way into his head just then. Didn’t articulate properly what he was trying to say. He drops his head in shame as she continues to talk.

“I’m sorry I slapped you,” She apologies, but her voice still has a hint of aggravation. “But goddamnit, Rogers. You punishing yourself for thinking you’re the only one who failed? For breaking promises? You aren’t the only one who thinks they failed people, Steven. As for your promise.”

Steve lifts his head, tentatively meeting her gaze. Her eyes are watery, tears brimming along her lower eyelids. She’s stroking her arms over her stomach again, one after the other, blowing out a shaky breath as her tears fall over. Steve feels even worse, having made her distressed yet again.

“I didn’t make it easy for anyone, especially you. I wasn’t thinking of the repercussions of what shutting of my emotions would do. I couldn’t handle it, Steve. I couldn’t handle it at all and I felt like if I didn’t do something about it, then-“ Ana breaks off, shrugging. She hastily wipes her tears away. “I am so, so deeply and incredibly sorry. I should have never-“

Steve carefully takes hold of her wrist. “Hey, no honey, none of that anymore. You needed to protect yourself and your baby first. I understand why you did. I just didn’t know how to help you, and I still don’t. I didn’t mean to stress you out more. I shouldn’t have said what I did, ask you to do something you would never do in the first place.”

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY interrupts their conversation abruptly. The AI doesn’t sound happy with him. “I suggest you leave Mrs. Barnes alone for the rest of the night. Her vitals hint at distress that I’m afraid you have caused. Twice now.”

Shit. He definitely did not come here with those intentions, and Steve can’t seem to stop fucking up tonight.

“No, FRIDAY, it’s fine!” Ana quickly reassures her. “I’ll do my breathing exercises. I feel fine.”

There’s a pause. “As you wish, Mrs. Barnes. You have four vials left of the elixir if you decided to drink one now, it wouldn’t hurt to do so as you didn’t take one three hours prior. However, Captain, if you continue to upset her or her baby, I will activate the electric security protocol.”

Steve glares at Ana as she snorts her laughter behind her fist as she takes out a bottle. “I understand.” He tells the AI. “I assume Pepper added that last part?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Another Pause. “It was not Pepper.”

FRIDAY goes silent as Ana downs the elixir with wide shocked eyes. Steve shoves his hand through his hair, blowing out a sigh. He stays quiet as he watches Ana calm herself down with the breathing exercises. He waits about five minutes until she finally opens her eyes and flashes him a small smile. He can hear the steady, relaxed beats of each heart rate and relaxes himself.

“This is definitely hypocritical for me to say,” Ana begins, wincing as she touches her stomach. “But you can’t keep that all locked inside. Exhibit A.” She gestures to herself.

“I know,” He huffs out heavily. “Nat and I talked sometimes, drank mostly, but we didn’t talk it about enough. I just, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to help you or anyone else for that matter.”

“But you are you helping yourself?”

“You’re right, you are being a little hypocritical, Barnes.”

In a rare sight of true Ana fashion, she flicks him off, then shrugs. “I’m trying to now. For the sake of this little bean.”

Sorrow weighs heavily in his bones. “You know if I could bring him back. If I had an ounce of an idea to do so-“

“I know, I know. I do.” She sighs tiredly, leaning further back, her eyes suddenly exhausted. “It’s going to take a long time to process this. For everyone. And yeah. I miss him so fucking much, Steve, it hurts to even breathe. But, I don’t think you failed me. I don’t think anyone thinks you failed them.”

Steve wants to believe her so much, but he’s always going to feel his guilt for failing her and Bucky specifically. “I still think I did.” He mutters bitterly.

“Yeah well,” Ana sniffs, wiping her sleeve over her eyes and nose. “As Rocket as said, there’s a lot of that going around, huh? I think we’re all just wallowing in our own personal feelings of self-failure.”

Steve suddenly thinks of Thor, and how he took off in the middle of the night, now word or warning. His heart aches. “I guess so. Little guy seems to have taken a liking to you though. Not as many sarcastic comments.”

Smiling as if she’s proud, she says, “It’s only because I let him clean Bucky’s gun.”

He doubts that. Secretly he thinks Ana may remind Rocket of someone he lost. “Listen. It’s getting late and I stressed you out enough with my emotional turmoil. I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“I literally threw you into a wall earlier, then bitch slapped you, so, we’re even.” She tells him as Steve helps her shimming around, adjusting pillows and pulling the covers down.

“Deal.” He agrees with a small chuckle. He rubs the top of her head, slightly musing up her hair. She glares at him. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You and the baby? I’m sorry about-“

“So many apologizes. Yes, I swear. We feel good. Just tired, is all.” Ana insists.

Steve nods, makes sure she’s as comfortable as can be before he makes his way to leave. Ana calling his name one more time turns him around. She looks inches away from sleep, her stomach supported by one of the thicker pillows, and she has what he knows to be Bucky’s pillow clutched to her chest.

“Thank you.” Ana murmurs.

“For what?” He questions, confused.

“For still looking after me. For being there.”

She doesn’t explain further as her eyes flutter shut. Steve however, as he gives her a smile she can’t see, knows exactly what Ana is thanking him for. His talk may not have gone the way he planned, and he still feels like there much more to converse, but Steve thinks they made some progress. He leans back against the door for a few moments, head tilted back as he stares up at the ceiling and the broken light bulbs.

“I’ll keep my promise to you, Buck.” Steve says quietly to the ceiling.

Once more, he recalls Bucky’s little slip up. “Please. I need to know they will-she.”

Bucky was asking Steve to take care of Ana, and their child.

“I swear, pal. They will both be taken care of.”

****************************************************************

A/N: This was a monster to write. Thank you for sticking with me. This story is definitely going to pick up pace in the next chapter and on. Please stay healthy and safe and inside. Don’t forget to wash your hands, especially after coughing or sneezing and stop hoarding the toilet paper!

Drabbles: Twenty-Two     Drabbles: Twenty-Four

Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​​ @buckyland​​ @stressedasalways​​ @watchoutforfrostbite​​ @justreadingfics​​ @keldachick​​ @eurynome827​​ @elatedmarvel​​ @shesalatesh​​ @paintedgreywriting​​ @boney-and-skinny​​ @buckaroo-blue​ @afewmarvelousthoughts​ @crushedbyhyperbole​ @shesalatesh​

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 22

I can't help this awful energy God damn right, you should be scared of me Who is in control?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings:  Angst. Sad. 

Words: 5.7k

A/N: Sorry it took so long fr this chapter. I took a break from writing for two/three months because 1- the year got to me and i just couldn’t write the way I wanted to, 2- the holidays. Now it’s the new year and here I am!The time frame of weeks is in weeks of pregnancy. (Also, I finally changed the title) (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first)

Three months post snap: 21 weeks pregnant

Ana wakes in water again, fingers floating along the surface. Standing up carefully she surveys her surroundings. It’s the same; the endless horizon of a burning sun, the large looming door, the child standing in front of it. Each time she takes a step towards the door, the child disappears. Each time Ana places her hand against the wood, an invisible force stops her from opening it. Each time, her heart swells as she turns around.

This time, as Bucky stands mere feet from her reach, soft smile etched on his face, Ana lunges. She doesn’t hesitate, just immediately tries to grab hold of him, to pull him close and protect him from crumbling away. This time, his mouth moves soundlessly, but she’s seen and heard him call her by that nickname so many times, she knows what he is trying to say.

Annie

Closing the distance between them, her fingers pass right through his chest, hand stained with ashes.

Waking abruptly each time leaves her with wet cheeks, buzzing hot energy and flickering lights. With the most recent dream, Ana wakes not just to the same routine, but to a jab of discomfort to the right side of her belly. Settling one hand over the movement beneath her stomach, she rubs soothing circles over the spot. It seems as if her subconscious distress is beginning to disturb the little life growing inside her. Once more, she presses her right hand firmly to chest, effectively snuffing out the chaos the dreams always tend to kickstart. Self-preservation in trade of zero emotions.

With the night hauntingly calm once more, Ana lies back. One rapid little flutter breaks the silence of the dark, and upon realization of the faint noise, she closes her eyes, and allows the sound of her baby’s heartbeat to lull her back to sleep.

*

Crackling flames dancing over wood is the only noise disturbing the dead of the night. Despite the warmth of the weather outside, the fire is the only illusion of solace by any means. A simple, soothing sound, pairing with the smooth burn of whiskey.

Steve knocks back his third glass of the spirit, one hand braced on the mantel over the fireplace. His fingers grip the glass, tiny cracks webbing from the heavy pressure. In lieu of uselessly leaning against a door that refuses to open for his help, he has taken to staring blankly into the fire.

As the flames lick lines of blue along the burning logs and fade into an array of yellows and oranges, his mind falls into an absentminded trance. One that allows him to shut off his brain. Allows him to forget his bone crushing guilt, failure, concern. The images of the fire reflect in his eyes, instead of the fading disintegration of his friends. The cries of confusion, fear, of desperate searching. The anguished screams reverberating through his chest as he held a broken woman in his arms.

Three months have passed since that awful day. Nearly two months since Steve had watched Ana turn off her emotions. Two months of her shutting him out, refusing help from him or anyone else. Two months of walking on shattered glass around her, watching her fragile physical state become worse; paler skin, cracked lips, becoming thinner. Even the nine gold specks in her eyes are dim.

Steve closes his eyes, refusing to decipher if the burning is from staring too long into the dancing light, or something else that wetly trickles down his cheek. A quiet voice, softened by the sadness in the tone, disrupts the crackling flames.

“Drinking alone, Rogers?”

Huffing through his nose, clearly distracted to even notice someone had joined him, Steve pushes off the mantel, hastily rubbing his cheek. He grabs the bottle of whiskey off the ledge, turning and lifting it to acknowledge Natasha. He pours just a few ounces into his glass before offering it to her. She glances at it for a moment, then she reaches for the bottle instead, taking a long swig.

“Don’t know why I still bother,” Steve mumbles, following behind her as she sits on the couch. “Still doesn’t do a damn thing.”

“It’s the principle, I suppose.” Natasha responds, licking a lingering drop from her lips. She holds up the glass. “I assume this was half full earlier.”

“Half empty.” The words taste like ash on his tongue.

She snorts, shifting to rest her legs over his lap. “Almost gone now. Where’d you get this anyway? We cleaned out this place.”

“Secret stash,” He supplies, glancing at her. She’s got a knowing glint in her green eyes. He sighs. “Bought it today, liquor store shelves were nearly empty.”

She takes another long sip, not even wincing at the taste. They sit in comfortable yet heavy silence for several minutes, both staring at the fire. Steve rests one hand on Natasha’s calf, using the other to finish off the rest of the whiskey in his cup. It’s an odd sort of comfort.

“The power flickered out again,” Natasha breaks the quiet. “Been happening more often.”

“She has dreams.” He states lowly. It was never confirmed verbally, but Steve knows. They all have dreams; nightmares- night terrors.

A beat. “At least the morning sickness seems to have passed.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” He scoffs, rubbing his free hand over his growing beard in frustration.

“Have you noticed the cracks in the toilet bowl? The dents look suspiciously like the shape of her fingers.”

He has noticed, any time he sneaks in her room when Ana isn’t there. Just to make sure she’s stocked up on supplies like water bottles, and vitamins. He chooses to ignore her growing strength; one issue at time.

Steve sighs heavily. “Protective barrier, huh?”

“Steve,” Natasha warns lowly.

“Don’t, Nat. I know you have the same theory as me. Danvers and Rhodes think so too.”

“We can’t just accuse her of channeling her own life energy into that baby. Even if- even if she’s doing it-“

“To keep it healthy even if it kills her?” He cuts her off, each word growing with anger. “It’s killing her, Natasha!”

He leans forward, roughly setting the glass down on the table; it cracks on the bottom. Steve shifts to see her better- her legs moving with him- to stare into her eyes to make sure the severity of the situation is understood. Her green eyes are wide, knowing, glassy with the vulnerability she’s been showing lately. It cuts him to his core, to watch not only Ana, but Natasha as well, fall apart. They are all falling apart.

Softer, he repeats, “It’s killing her.”

Natasha swallows thickly, readjusting her legs and gently kicking his knee. “Why’d you think I’ve been sneaking that elixir Carol has into her drinks? At least this way she can keep her energy and vitals up.”

“I don’t think I can fix this,” Steve suddenly crumbles, dropping his face into his hands, his throat burning. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You think I do, Steve?” Her voice is too soft, too broken. She places a gentle hand on his back. “None of us do. But…I don’t think this is something we can fix for Ana.”

A foreign noise escape Steve’s mouth; a mix of a sob and a bitter laugh. Not another word is spoken for a long time. A heaviness falls between them as the silence grows longer. Steve does take Natasha’s hand in his, for some sort of comfort.

“Have you found Clint?” He inquires after a good half hour passes. He hears her heart rate quicken.

“No.” There’s a hint of anguish in her voice. “He’s not gone, that much we know. Rhodey and I are still trying to track him.”

Nodding, Steve decides its enough despair for the night. “Hungry? I can make us a pizza?”

Natasha raises a skeptical eyebrow. “You’re going to make a pizza?”

“It’s frozen.”

A smile cracks across her lips. “Perfect.”

*

22 weeks:

That familiar low hum wakes Ana again; for the third week in a row. Everyday. She feels the smile spreading across her lips before her eyes even open. When she does, she carefully reaches over to the nightstand, trying not to disrupt Bucky and his singing.

“I know you’re awake, Ana, nice try,” Bucky mumbles, pressing a kiss to her hipbone.

“Wasn’t trying to be sneaky,” She says, voice still heavy with sleep. “Just looking for…” She pulls open the draw, digging her and around until to feels a small ball. “This.”

She looks down at her husband, his long hair obscuring half his face as he narrows his eyes. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing, dear,” Ana smiles innocently, settling back down and pretending to go back to sleep.

“Mhm. Your mother is a terrible lair, little Jellybean.”

She cracks an eye open. “We’ve upgraded to Jellybean, have we?”

Bucky ignores her, continuing to talk to her stomach. “Thinking she can just pull one over me. Thinking she can pretend to be asleep and not think I know she’s going to record my horrific singing.”

Laughing brightly, Ana sinks her fingers into his soft hair. “It’s adorable! Little off key, but adorable!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” He pouts. He pushes himself up, leaning over to plant a good morning kiss to her lips. “You’re just lucky I love you so much.”

“Hmm, very lucky,” She mumbles against his mouth. “Very lucky,” she hooks her legs around his hips, pulling him to grind against her. “And very horny.”

Bucky cackles and the kimono bead is forgotten for the next two hours.

The next time Ana wakes to Bucky singing lullabies, she finds the bead and records the tenderness of the moment.

Staring at the ceiling above her each time Ana wakes from her dreams is becoming mundane. The ceiling is a plain off white, nothing to count on the surface, just a listless void. If she just continues to stare at it, maybe she can fall back to sleep, fall into -not dreams of memories- but the cryptic orange world with the door and the wetless water. At least there, she can begin to feel him, and maybe just maybe, she can trick her mind into thinking Bucky isn’t truly gone.

Ana blinks. The memory she just woke from makes her slowly sit up, waiting a few moments for the nausea to fade away before she gets up. She begins searching the room, opening boxes yet unpacked, and drawers alike. Finally, she remembers where she put the box filled with everything important from their life. Shifting some papers around, Ana picks up the kimono bead she was looking for.

Turning it on, a light blue hologram display pops up with a menu. She carefully swipes her finger along the screen until she finds a saved video. She hesitates for a moment, then presses the play button.

A crystal clear image of Bucky’s soft smiling face shines back at her. Hologram Bucky fondly rolls his eyes, turning his face back to Ana’s barely bump of a stomach on the screen. His gentle, but rough around the edges singing voice begins to fill the silence of her room.

Ana just stares.

She watches in a daze as the recorded Bucky sings an old lullaby to her stomach; despite him knowing the baby couldn’t hear him yet. Watches as his fingers tenderly rub circles on her skin. Watches as his hair falls over his face, watches as her own hand pushes back the dark strands behind his ear. Watches as her husband turns his face and kisses her palm.

Her real palm tingles, as if remembering the warm press of his lips against her hand. She digs her nails into her skin instead, and the phantom memory on her palm fades away. In the chaos of the horrible event that happened, Ana had forgotten she had recorded videos of Bucky.

She reaches out, fingertips brushing along his projected face. The screen ripples as her fingers go through the image. Something feels like it breaks in the back of her mind. Not for the first time, she’s glad she shut her emotions off. A sudden rapping at her door startles her enough to distort the image in front of her.

“Ana?” Steve’s voice carries through the door. He sounds extremely concerned.

Ana swipes her hand through the projection, effectively cutting off Bucky’s voice and shutting off the video. She squeezes the bead in her fist, turning to stare at the door. The faint sound of a sigh reaches her ears through the wood.

“Just want to make sure you’re…alright,” She hears Steve mumble, nearly inaudible.

Slowly, Ana shuffles off the bed, giving herself a moment as she stands up. She settles her free hand over her growing bump, wincing at the small movement inside her stomach. Blowing out a breath after the baby stops moving, she makes her way to the door. She hesitates briefly, then unlocks the handle, pulling it open.

Steve had given up, for he’s halfway down the hall, turning once he heard the door open. His steps are quick when he comes back, his brow set in a deep frown. His eyes, the ever deep blue eyes- so different from Bucky’s, Ana thinks vaguely- worriedly scan her face, shift over her shoulder, then back to her.

“I-“ Steve begins, he shakes his head minutely. “I heard voices?”

“Think I’ve gone crazy now, is that it?” Ana deadpans, crossing her arms. She rests them on the swell of her stomach.

There’s a tick at the corner of his jaw as he inhales slowly. “No. I just-“

Ana shoots her arm out before Steve can say more. She twists her arm until it’s palm up, then opens her fist to reveal the bead.

“Recording.” She states.

He seems to understand immediately. Steve raises his own hand, gently curling his fingers over hers to form a fist again. He nods, then drops his hand.

“Sorry I asked,” He says. “Do you…are you- do you need anything?”

“Nope.”

The tick jumps more. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Not hungry.” She goes to close the door, but Steve catches it halfway.

“Dinner is- uh- if you do get hungry,” He huffs through his nose, and it sounds like he’s holding back anger. “Just…never mind.”

He releases the door. Ana doesn’t watch him leave as she closes it. She leans against the wood, clutching the bead in her hand still. Her urge to use the bathroom is abruptly strong and she grumbles her complaints to the life inside her. She carefully puts the bead in her bedside drawer, then uses the toilet.

After, she gingerly gets in bed one more, rubs her right ankle that has swelled lightly. She adjusts her pillows to get comfortable, before laying on her side. SHe closes her eyes, wondering if her mind will slip back into the dreams she keeps having, if only to see Bucky once more.

*

23 weeks and two days:

Silence. The silence wakes her. Ana opens her eyes, staring out at the burnt orange glow of the world she yearns to be her own. Every night, for weeks on end, she wishes to return to this strange empty place, just for the few moments she has to see him.

The world seems slightly different this time around, as Ana makes her way towards that small child, towards that ominous door. Her footsteps make no noise, just muted ripples through the pond of strange dark water. She stops just a few feet from the child, pausing- waiting to hear someone else call her name; it doesn’t come.

“Who are you?” Ana’s voice is subdued when she speaks.

The child, a girl with reddish brown hair held up in high pigtails, slowly turns to face her. Her skin is a beautiful complexion of green, but the expression in her young eyes makes Ana’s breath catch in her throat. Her dark irises shine with a broken innocence, makes her wonder what horrible event tormented this child. She doesn’t answer.

“What is this place?” Ana inquires instead. “Where am I?”

The girls lower lip trembles. She blinks, a sudden sheen of tears filling her eyes. “Trapped.”

Dread weighs heavily in Ana’s chest. She needs to find out more than just the ominous cryptic answer. She peers over her shoulder, still expecting to hear and see him, but no one is behind her. When she shifts her focus back to the girl, she is no longer there, just the looming wood doors.

Ana has yet to come this far in this odd dream world. She pushes forward, hand outstretched and pressing her palm to the wood. When nothing happens to her fingers, she continues, slowly pushing the doors open. All she feels is a light brush along her skin, as if a soft breeze washed over her.

Nothing has changed. She turns to look behind her, just in case the door had shut, or the world has morphed into something different; it hasn’t.

“Annie.”

That voice. That tender, loving voice that fills her lungs with oxygen and her heart with life. His voice. Facing forward once more, Bucky is standing right in front of her. Just inches away, different than all her other dreams before.

“Bucky!” Ana gasps, her chest tightens and loosens simultaneously.

She’s terrified. Terrified as she reaches out, that he will vanish like he does every time. But he’s still there, deep blue eyes shining like the moon in her darkest nights, gazing at her with love. He raises his right hand, fingertips brushing against hers, until their fingers are laced and locked. Ana knows tears are threatening to spill over. She’s never been able to touch him here.

“Is this-are you-“ She stutters as she steps closer. Bucky gentle cups her cheek with his left hand. The fact that she can’t feel the cool metal doesn’t register in her mind. “Is this real?”

His thumbs traces her cheekbone. “Turn it on, sweetheart.”

“W-what? Bucky…”

The smile on his face is one of despair, his eyes filling with sorrow. Abruptly, Ana’s grip on his hand goes through his skin. Glancing down in horror, her palm is filled with ash, immediately understanding what it is. She meets his eyes once more, his skin beginning to morph into the same gray that haunts her.

“No. No. No!” Ana cries outs, trying to pull him tight to her body, to keep him as close as possible.

But he continues to crumble, the rest of his body following his right hand. She presses the solid form of his vibranium hand harder to her cheek.

“No, please! Please don’t leave me!”

His only response is touching his forehead to hers, the light of his eyes fading away. In a desperate need, Ana wraps her arms around him, trying to use her own life energy to keep him alive. It doesn’t work. Nothing works. Her arms go through his torso as she stumbles to her knees. The last part of Bucky to turn into dust, is his hand still lingering on her cheek. His fingers brush against her lips just before he vanishes into air.

A sob rips from her throat.

*

Ana wakes with a gasping breath that seizes in her throat. She can’t breathe with ashes in her lungs, choking on the memory of Bucky. It’s filling her chest, her heart, her throat, her nose. She can’t breathe.

She sits up, frantically clawing at her chest because she needs to breathe. There’s nothing but the clouds of ash and dust ensnaring her senses, ensnaring her insides. Crawling down into her stomach.

Abruptly she halts her assault on her chest, moving her hands down to the swell of her stomach. Protect from the ash, protect from the dust, protect the life from fading away just like its father. Glancing down to make sure the bump is physically still there, Ana is able to ground herself. Just enough to realize she isn’t truly suffocating.

She’s barely aware of herself to recognize that the golden light isn’t radiating from a lamp. It’s glowing from her skin. The protective shield around her body, her energy, her powers, once again out of control. It takes another long moment for her hearing to catch up with her.

There’s rattling from somewhere in the room, but then the rushing of blood fills her ears when she has a flash of the dream again. Lights suddenly grow bright and flicker, until the popping of glass throws the room into darkness.

Ana talked to the little girl in the dream. She talked to Bucky. She was able to touch him, if just for a moment, until he disintegrated in her arms once more. Her hands clutching piles of his ashes. Ashes that she sees now, staining the imprints of her hands dark gray.

Quickly she shakes them out, trying to rid it from her skin. She blinks and her hands are clean, but the burning of her fingertips makes her skin glow brighter. Hot coils of energy swirling up her arms, around her body; winding up her limbs, curling through her stomach, and settling in her chest. A chest that has been empty for weeks; her heart and soul snapped away.

She attempts to calm herself, to control the energy, the emotions she thinks she never truly had a hold of. Inhaling deeply- the air taste of dust and tears and loss- she chokes again. She suddenly can’t stay here. She has to leave. She has to get out.

She stands quickly, a spell of dizziness washing over her. Ana catches herself on her nightstand, the wood sizzling beneath her palm. She quickly pulls her touch away, gaining her balance, and makes her way out of her room in a heated, kinetic daze. She pushes her door open, leaving behind charcoal handprints on it, and the nightstand.

Her body is overheating, waves of energy pulsing through every nerve. She thought she turned it off; her emotions, her feelings. But now, after the dream- the nightmare- it’s like a freight train slamming into her. She feels every single raw emotion. Ana inhales, the foundation of the compound shakes. She exhales, the air around her crackles and sparks; gold and blue and orange. More glass shattering vaguely registers in the back of her mind.

Muffled voices call out frantically, all faded into the background as Ana continues the path forward. Searching. She’s searching. She has to go back to that dream- no, to that world. She must find a way to keep Bucky whole, to keep her with him, even if it means to bury him deep inside her chest and never leave that world.

Because in this one, Bucky is gone. Her husband, best friend, her heart, her life, her soulmate. Gone. Snapped out of existence. Dying just before she could reach him. His ashes tattooed into her fingerprints.

Outside. Fresh air. Inhale. Breathes in the cinders ensnaring the world. She shatters.

Ana crumples to her knees, releasing a shriek she doesn’t feel tear from her throat. She’s blinded by lightning; white hot heat, electrifying the air and ground. Her fingers dig into the soft soil, hoping to taint the earth with every ounce of her feelings, every ounce of her pain. Hoping, begging to just be part of the earth like the granules that soaked into its dirt, and not come back.

She can’t feel Bucky. But she can feel what died with him.

She’s screaming. Screaming. Beams of energy releasing from her, beginning to fade up her body, darkening the light. A booming crack echoes through the air as her heart begins to fade out. Vaguely, in the back of her mind, she thinks this might be it. If she closes her eyes, maybe, just maybe, she can be with him.

A vice grip wraps around her, but she’s too weak, too blinded to struggle. She tries pulling the new form of energy with her, tries to drain it away like she’s doing to herself. Instead, a new surge of power, of hope, seeps into her veins.

It’s comfort, it’s pain, it’s understanding. It’s the loss of family, it’s the notion of support. It’s heartbreak, despair, but under all of it, is love. It’s-

“I got you.”

Family.

Three words are gently promised in her ear. Three words that cease everything. With a deafening, final crack, everything goes silent. The unbearable heat cools, the blinding lights fades back into twilight. The electric trills subside.

Ana gasps. Then comes the utter heartbreak. She breaks, sobbing into something solid. Something hard but soft, gentle and comforting. A chest. A rapid, anxious heartbeat. Strong muscular arms wrapped tightly around her; grounding her, keeping her together as she continues to sob.

“I got you.”

*

Steve hoped this day would come, he just hoped it would have happened differently than it did.

He had been in the conference room, staring at a hologram of faces, of names. Of plans he had been trying to conjure up until his eyes stung. Rocket, Nebula and Natasha all slumped around the table, still trying to rack their brains for any idea to fix what happened nearly four months ago. Carol, who comes in and out, had been peering at her own devices, a deep frown set on her face.

It was lucky that the serum gave Steve keen, advanced hearing, lucky that his mind was cleared of thoughts at the time. Absently just staring through the screens, that he was able to pick up the faintest sound of a gasp. It was different than all the other ones after the dreams she had. This one sounded like Ana was…suffocating.

Alert at once, Steve tilted his head to listen harder; ears picking up the sounds of sizzling. A dangerously rapid heart rate; shortened gasping breaths. Snapping into action, Steve sprinted away from the screens, Natasha calling out in alarm after him.

He made it into the living room just in time to see the floor to ceiling sliding doors crack and shatter around a glowing form. The tinkering pieces of sharp glass glanced off Ana’s body, and the energy in the room was thick enough to nearly bring him to the floor. He called her name with no response, just followed quickly behind her.

When he saw her fall to the ground, an agonizing shriek coming from her that he felt in his bones, he panicked. Steve had broken into a run after that, had to skid to a halt soon after so he wasn’t in the crossfire of the powerful beams of electric vigor Ana was sending into the sky. Rays of golden blue and orange.

For a moment, he was stunned. By her sheer power, by the force of finally releasing everything she had been hoarding inside of her body. She looked terrifyingly beautiful and broken. He pushed forward, knowing he had to reach her and soon. His memory thrown back years ago when she drained Eric Wood’s life…with her own.

Her color was fading, the energy weakening. He couldn’t let his fear of her killing herself become reality. Without hesitating, without thinking of the possible repercussions of getting too close, Steve slid on his knees next to her, gathered her in his arms and kept her tight against his chest. He was careful of her stomach, careful not to hurt her or the baby. Praying that Ana was still with him.

Instantly, his chest felt like it was on fire, his breath being stolen from his lungs, like his heart was about to give in. He felt weak, began to slump forward, his arms lost their grip around her. When he finally realized what she was doing, Steve somehow, in the depth of his own mind, summoned enough hopeful energy as he could. That maybe, just maybe there was a chance to bring everyone back. To bring Bucky back to her.

Once he did that, the metaphorical grip on is life released him. He took a breath and realized his fear of Ana dying was short lived, when she broke down sobbing into his shirt. Her hands had clutched at his arms, nails dug into his skin, noticing the glow of her power not pushing him away, but accepting him like it had in Wakanda. He didn’t care about the vice grip she had, or the fact that her nails were deep enough to break skin. He just held her as tight as he could- murmured into her ear.

“I got you.”

Now, two hours later sat in the medical ward, he watches as Ana continues to stare blankly at nothing, probably not hearing the words spoken to her. To be honest, Steve isn’t listening that closely either too attuned to Ana’s heartbeat, and the little fluttering one right next to it.

Immediately after her breakdown, after her heart wrenching sobs began to subside, Steve had carefully picked her up cradled to his chest and brought her back inside. Her face had pressed wetly into his neck, her breathing ragged, one arm around his shoulders, the other laid protectively over her stomach. He had held onto her in that same position on the couch, until Dr. Hammond- contacted by Natasha- had arrived.

A heavy sigh breaks Steve out of the depths of his mind. Shifting his eyes from Ana, he watches as the doctor finally puts down her pen. She gazes over Ana with sympathetic eyes. She places a gentle hand on her shoulder, and Ana’s eyes finally come back to the present.

“While I’m glad you turned your emotions back on-“ Dr. Hammond pauses and taps the paper she wrote on. “If you have another energy outburst like that, neither of you might survive it.”

This makes Steve sit rim rod straight, suddenly very interested in what she has to say. Ana, for her part, has an array of emotions flash over her face. Her eyes flutter, a single tear escaping down her left cheek. Her eyes look sunken, dark circles beneath them. Her skin pale, her cheeks almost hollow, and she hasn’t stopped trembling. She’s the epitome of exhaustion.

“Might not…survive?” Her voice cracks when she speaks.

Steve physically bites the corner of his lip, swallowing down his worry. The doctor grabs the paper Natasha had wrote on earlier.

“According to, what’s the AI’s name- FRIDAY’s readings directly after, your body temperature was a high of 105.8. Blood pressure through the roof, Tachycardia- your BPM,” She elaborates, “220- I’m shocked you didn’t go into cardiac arrest. The fetus’ heartbeat indicated early signs of Fetal Distress- which, if it continued, I would have scheduled an emergency C-section.”

Seeing shock and fear color Ana’s face has Steve feeling relieved and anxious all at once. She places her hands protectively over her stomach.

“At 23 weeks?” She whispers. She sounds horrified.

Dr. Hammond nods somberly. “Just because there’s that…for lack of a better term, shield, around the amniotic sac, doesn’t mean something inside can be prevented. Luckily, the ultrasound showed no signs of meconium in the amniotic fluid.”

Steve, having absolutely no knowledge of pregnancy and its terms, speaks up. “Which means?”

“It means, you are very lucky it wasn’t worse, Mrs. Barnes, and you seem to have a strong and lucky little baby. I am recommending you to be on strict bed rest for the next two weeks. Stay off your feet, keep them elevated, please take those vitamins I gave you. I want to see you in a week’s time, and then another week after. Captain Rogers-“

Steve pulls his eyes away from Ana, who looks like she’s about to have another sort of breakdown. “Ma’am?”

“If you wouldn’t mind having FRIDAY set up to send alerts to me regarding her health, I would appreciate that.”

He meets Ana’s gaze briefly once more, who gives him the slightest nod of consent. “Will do.”

“Thank you.” Dr. Hammond expresses. “I’m done for now, more satisfied with your vitals currently than I was an hour ago.” Suddenly her demeanor changes, placing a gentle hand on Ana’s elbow. “Ana. I do not know what you’re going through, but I know other women who are- in their own way. The hospital started a support group for expecting mothers affected by this-“

“No.” Ana interrupts her. Steve shares a look with Natasha and Carol, a common dread that she’s beginning to shut herself off again. Until- “At least, not right now, but thank you.”

“If you change your mind, just let me know.”

Steve walks the doctor to her car ten minutes later, leaving Ana in the hands of the girls and Rhodes. Rocket, who had wondered into the room and in his own way of comfort, made a quip about recharging his weapons with Ana’s energy beams, and how he would never have to tamper with batteries again. Steve swore he saw a shadow of a smirk on her lips at that.

“Thank you, Dr. Hammond, for coming out so late.” Steve expresses, opening the door open for the woman.

“Of course, Captain,” She responds, nodding her gratitude toward door. Her voice grows quiet. “More than half my patients are gone. The ones who are still here…they don’t look any better than Ana. None of them are enhanced like her though, which makes this case just slightly different. She’s a- I’m sorry, explain it to me again?”

“An empathetic healer with energy manipulation.” He answers, he crosses his arms. “Well, Energy Alchemist. She feels deeper than emotions. She reads, feels and connects with energy of all kinds.”

“And she connected her own with Sergeant Barnes?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, just because she feels it worse than anyone else, doesn’t mean she can’t have support. I care about each of my patients. Please don’t hesitate to call if you notice anything off, even if her temperature changes a degree.”

“Yes, Doctor. Thank you again.”

He watches her drive off, then heads back inside, but not before noticing the bruise marks in the perfect shape of fingers on his forearm. Or the crescent shaped broken and dried blood. A thought pokes through the back of his mind, coinciding with the lack of any permanent damage to Ana and the baby. Steve wonders, for a wild moment, if Ana’s strong grip on his arm and how quickly her vitals returned to normal…is a sign of something new. Steve is a super soldier, who does not bruise easily.

Pulling down his sleeve to cover the marks, he finally heads back in, pushing the thought to the back of his mind.

______________________________________________

Drabbles: Twenty-One     Drabbles: Twenty-Three

Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​ @buckyland​ @stressedasalways​ @watchoutforfrostbite​ @justreadingfics​ @keldachick​ @eurynome827​ @elatedmarvel​ @shesalatesh​ @paintedgreywriting​ @boney-and-skinny​ @buckaroo-blue​

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life

A Squeal to Delicate Stages

(1st stunning moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC/Ana Rios

Summary: Set Ten months after Delicate Stages. Looking into the life of Bucky and Ana. Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss… 

Warnings: Language. A disgusting amount of fluff and sap. 18+. Smut. Explicit. Lovers in absolute love. Mild sadness and self doubt. Angst. Eventual End Game events; specific warnings that follow will be listed before each chapter. (Please excuse any incorrect Spanish. While yes, I myself am Puerto Rican and I am not Spanish speaking, unfortunately)

A/N: I’m posting drabbles for Delicate Stages here! They will be in order. I’m calling these drabbles since some of the parts have major time skips and are just little random fluffiness of Bucky and Ana’s life. That is, until it catches up with the timeline.... these are no longer drabbles...(Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first)

1. Break Me Down

2. Chp 50. Bucky’s POV

3. Harmless Fun

4. Delicate Mornings

5. Delicate Surgery

6. Hot Springs

7. Lazy Wakanda Days

8. Pepper Getting Married: Part 1

9. Pepper Getting Married: Part 2

10. I Could Do Without a Tan on my Left Hand

11. I’m Deep Blue but You Painted Me Golden

12.The One With All the Feelings

13.Take These Hands and My Heart and Soul and I Will Only Have These Eyes For You

14. Married Days

15. Feeling That You Get

16. One Year

17. Beginning 

18. Teach Them How to Say Goodbye 

19. Just Feel...

20. Without You...

21. Voice in My Head is Ash in My Hands

22. Can’t Help This Awful Energy

23. Make Me Feel as Hurt as You Do

24. A Piece of Me

25. The Barnes Girls

26. We’re In the End Game Now

27. Time Heist 

28. 1943

29. The Soul Stone

30. Coming Soon

Epilogue coming soon

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: One

Break Me Down

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC. Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Looking into the life of Bucky and Ana. Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…   

Ana attempts to go through the motions without Bucky.

Warnings: Language. Mentions of alcohol use. Mild mention of prescription drug use. Some angst.

Words: 5.2k

A/N: I’m posting drabbles for Delicate Stages here! They will be in order, so there isn't any skipping randomly about (except this first part) This first part is in Steve's perspective because that's how the narrative fits. This will be the only part that jumps from the present, to flashbacks. (Do not read unless you've read Delicate Stages first)

***THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN STEVE AND ANA. IT IS A STRICTLY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP***

**Present Day**

“You’re shaking the entire jet, Rios.” Steve informs her, glancing over his shoulder in amusement.

“Sorry…but not really.” Ana shrugs, smiling so wide her eyes are nearly shut. “I’m just-“ she forces out a breath, “I’m so excited. Fuck, I’m so happy! Not that I won’t miss you and everyone else, I just-“

“I know.” He interrupts her gently. “You both deserve this, to be happy and be with each other.”

“Thank you for understanding that, Steve.” Her voice softens in gratitude. “And thank you for being there for me. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through all these months without you pulling me out of a near depression.”

“You’re family, Ana. We’re there for each other no matter what.”

She nods. It’s quiet for a moment before her smile comes back. “Bet you’re excited too though. You haven’t seen Bucky for almost as long as me.”

“Yeah.” Steve chuckles, quickly focusing his eye back on the sky. He swallows the lie bitterly. It’s not the first time in ten months. In fact, Steve has seen Bucky for the first time seven months ago. Then one month ago. “Yeah.”

**Seven months ago**

“What happened?” Steve demands, trying to keep his voice calm and patient. He’s panicking internally, though he would never let T’Challa, Shuri or their team of scientists see that.

“There’s no need to worry, Captain.” T’Challa informs him calmly, his hands behind his back in a relaxed manor. “Our country had a minor incident for a few days. It was taken care of, however, there was some damage to the lab, which caused a momentary loss of power.”

Shuri clicks her tongue. “Brother makes it sound worse than it was. Everything is fine. The technology I have been using for Sergeant Barnes malfunctioned briefly. We woke him up to fix it without accidently shocking his brain.”

“So, he’s alright then?” Steve asks, crossing his arms and trying not to laugh as the King of Wakanda side-eyes his sister.

“Yes, yes! He’s fine. He is sitting in there looking like a lost puppy.” Shuri chuckles, then steps closer and her humor drops. “I think he thought we fixed him, that Ana was here to surprise him.”

Right, he expected that might be the case. He also braces himself, because Bucky asked Steve to take care of Ana, and he’s going to have to give him the rundown of the past three months. Bucky will ask, because he has constantly thought of her from the moment he met her. He is not going to like what Steve is going to tell him.

“Do you mind giving us some time alone?” Steve requests the royal siblings.

They both nod, and that’s all the permission he needs to enter the lab. Bucky is sitting on the same table he had been when they first arrived in Wakanda. There’s an IV stand next to him, but his right arm is free of any needles or cuffs. The medical team must’ve already taken his vitals for the day, just a precaution for being brought out of ice again. Bucky is swinging his legs back and forth, and his expression is neutral, if a little weary.

“You sure this ice tube can’t do anything about your looks?” Steve quips once the door is shut.

Bucky glances up at his voice, his eyes rolling upward. “Says you, you little punk. You were frozen for longer.”

Steve laughs then hugs his best friend once he reaches the table. Bucky returns the embrace with his arm, then shoves Steve to the side.

“Missed you, jerk.” He says, purposely knocking into Bucky as he hops on the table. “Doing okay?”

“As well as I can right now. How’ve you been?”

“Alright. There’s the issue of the Accords being brought up again, makes for fun dinner talk.”

“I bet.” Bucky chuckles lightly. “How’s everyone else?”

“Good, good. Barton fell asleep on a mission recently, it was that boring.”

“I envy his ability to just fall asleep anywhere.”

“Must be nice.”

“And how’s…Ezra?”

“Ezra is good, He’s a cat, so, he has it made.”

The silence that falls between them is heavy. Steve waits patiently for Bucky to ask what he really wants to know.

“Does she hate me?” Bucky’s voice comes out small.

“Ana could never hate you, Buck.”

His jaw clenches briefly as he nods. “She’s healed? Her knee?”

“All healed. She’s a little more limited this time around though, since she refused Stark’s bionic rods. Doesn’t stop her from boxing though.”

Bucky huffs a laugh under his breath. “I wouldn’t expect her to.” He pauses, then his eyes meet Steve’s. “How is she- uh- otherwise?”

This is what he has been waiting for. “The truth?”

“Yes.”

“Not good, Bucky.” Steve tells him sadly. “She’s had a really hard time with it. Ana misses you. A lot.”

He ends up telling Bucky what he keeps walking in on.

Three weeks gone:

It’s only been a few weeks since Bucky had left, and Ana has been scarce more often than not for those days. Steve needs to check on her, since he hasn’t seen Ana for hours and she skipped dinner. Again. At this point, Steve doesn’t even bother going to the gym or her room. Instead, he goes to Bucky’s. He gently opens the door, and right where he expected her to be, Ana is curled up in the middle of the bed. She’s clutching one of the many journals left behind for her.

Bucky’s scent still lingers in every fiber of the room. He knows this is why Ana comes here. It’s not to be sad, it’s just a form of comfort to her. To remember his smell, to feel his bed, to read his words, to fall asleep peacefully with his presence wrapping around her like a phantom hug.

Steve gave up trying to move Ana to her own room the third time he found her like this. Instead, he carefully maneuvers the comforter around, bringing it up to cover her body. Then, he gently moves one of Bucky’s pillows under Ana’s head, and slowly sits next to her on the bed. This is a lot harder than he ever thought they would both take Bucky’s absence.

When sunlight streams into the room, Steve winces, opening his eyes. He’s met with Ana staring up at him with wide, brown eyes that are a little bloodshot. He blinks and adjust his neck, pushing himself to sit up straighter.

“Why do you stay with me in here?” Ana questions right off the bat, voice thick like she had been crying again. “This is hard for you too.”

“Misery loves company. Isn’t that what they say?” He responds gruffly.

“That’s really sad when you think about it.”

Steve nods, remaining silent.

“He asked you to take care of me, didn’t he?” She whispers, clutching the notebook in her hand tighter.

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” Ana says gently.

Then she pushes herself up and leans over. She places a gentle kiss on his cheek, just quick and friendly gesture. Abruptly, she smacks the journal against his forehead as she pulls back.

“Now get your lazy old ass up. I’m hungry and you’re taking me to Luna for coffee and cheese danishes.”

“Am I now?”

“Yes.” Ana shakes the journal in her hand as she stands from the bed. “Bucky specifically said that if you don’t make me happy, that when he wakes up he’s going to kick your punk ass. Danishes makes me happy. Now let’s go, Cap!”

*

“Well,” Bucky prompts. “Did you get her a danish?”

“I bought her a whole box.” Steve rolls his eyes, shoving his friend. “I hate you for that, by the way. She demands danishes every Saturday now.”

“She works you with those big eyes as she flutters her lashes, doesn’t she?”

“How did you ever resist her for anything?”

“I didn’t.” Bucky chuckles before it fades away. The mood suddenly turns sad. “Except for this.”

“Ana knows it’s for the best, Buck.” Steve reminds him.

“I know. She’s amazing. I love her. It’s why I’m doing this.” Bucky sounds like he’s still trying to convince himself. “I’m doing this so that when I do go back to her, she’ll be safe.”

“She wasn’t doing a good job at keeping herself safe.” Steve mutters.

A dangerous gleam flashes in Bucky’s blue eyes. “Meaning?”

Steve sighs.

One month gone:

“One…two bottles of wine…and ten mini bottles of vodka. She doesn’t even like vodka!” Tony snaps, throwing the empty bottle against the wall.

Thankfully it’s plastic. Steve understands Tony’s frustration and worry to an extent. He remembers when Bucky fell from the train all those decades ago that he tried drowning himself in alcohol. If it weren’t for the serum burning the affects away, he would have. Steve had a war to fight then, he had other people to save, he had the world to save and he had to remain focused. He had Peggy to help him through it, to remind him that Bucky wouldn’t want him to drown his heartbreak away. Steve needs to channel those same words now.

“Pepper doesn’t find out about this, Rogers. Not yet.” Tony tells him, holding up a threatening finger. “Goddamnit! She isn’t supposed to be like me!”

With that, he spins on his heels and rushes towards Ana’s room. Steve’s heard of Tony’s past days where he would drink until he blacked out, spiraled into a near self-destructing shell of a person. He knows the anger is resonating from fear of watching Ana do that to herself. Wincing at what might happen when Tony finds her, Steve follows behind quickly.

Tony hesitates by her door, fiddling with the lock before he disables it and enters her room. She isn’t there, but it doesn’t stop him. Steve follows as Tony doesn’t hesitate to exit out her open window. Both men make it up to the roof in record time.

Ana is laying on the lounge chair, holding up one of Stark’s most expensive bottles of vodka, almost like she was expecting for Tony to march over and snatch it away. Which he does. Steve can tell by how tense his shoulders are and the set of his jaw just how utterly furious he is. Until they both see her expression, and the anger melts away from Tony’s body.

He hands the off bottle to Steve, gesturing for him to just toss it. He does so without any regrets, chucking it over the side of the roof. Then he sees Tony sit next to Ana, gently grabs her arm to pull her up and holds her tightly against his chest. He hugs hers, keeping his hand on the back of her head as her face presses into his shirt.

Steve realizes her body is trembling, her hand is clutching Tony’s back. He hears the muffled sniffles and he wants to move forward, wants to join in to comfort her. But as he continues to watch them, Tony’s arms tightening around her, he thinks better of it.

“I don’t know how to handle this.”

Steve hears Ana’s shaky, slurred words, and he’s thrown back to that first night after Steve came back from bringing Bucky to Wakanda. He found her sobbing on Bucky’s bed, repeating those same words. He just held her like Tony is holding her now.

“You’re going to be okay, Ana. I got you. I got you.” Tony soothes softly.

Steve knows the situation is under control, that if anyone can comfort a drunk and upset Ana, it’s Tony. Making his decision, Steve quietly leaves the roof, giving them privacy. This is what her family is for. This is what she has Pepper for, what she has Tony for. Sure, the rest of them have become an extension of her family, and Steve knows Ana will fight for that no matter what, but this time. This is just between her and Tony.

When he reaches her room, Steve quickly and thoroughly checks any hidden compartments for more bottles. He finds only two; whiskey and wine, still full. What flutters to the ground after he checked her pillow cases, pauses his search. He picks it up to replace it, but the words written on the paper makes his curiosity get the best of him.

It’s a letter Bucky left behind for her, just like he did with his journals. Except, this one seems more personal, more intimate, reads like a poem, and Steve hurriedly puts it back. He knows she’s read it, since the letter had weathered fold lines and smudges that looked like tears on the paper.

He leaves her room, rounds up Nat and Wanda, and together they get to work on cleaning out the place of alcohol. Just for a little while.

*

“Did you read it?”

“Just the first sentence before I realized how private it was. The words just popped out, sorry Buck.”

Bucky waves off his apology. “How long did the drinking last?” He questions, his voice small and full of remorse.

“Two weeks.” He answers honestly. “Pepper took her away for a week to Paris, and when she came back, she seemed much better.”

“Paris.” Then suddenly Bucky releases a loud laugh. “One of the first things she ever said to me in French,” He drops his face into his hand for a moment, laughing more. “She asked me if I wanted to sleep with her.”

“What?” Steve laughs in shock.

“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir. Apparently, my expression made her laugh so hard she nearly fell off the treadmill. She kept saying it to, just to make me blush.”

“You were so head over heels for her within a week, Bucky.”

“I really was. I still am. I always will be.”

Steve smiles at the clear love Bucky has for Ana. Then he winces because he just remembered that one time she tried making that last martini a week after she came back from France. He tells Bucky this much.

“This doesn’t sound good.” Bucky sighs heavily.

It wasn’t.

Two months gone:

They’re all looking at her, and Steve knows by the irritated twitching in her jaw that she can feel it. He wants to offer his help, but he remains silent, knowing his head will be bitten off if he even opens his mouth. Sam seems to be the bravest soul out of all of them; even Banner is nervously fidgeting in the corner.

Steve doesn’t even know where she got hold of more vodka, but at least this was her first drink in months.

“Ana, let me help you with that.” Sam offers kindly.

They should have expected the loud smack of the jar against the counter, but the noise still makes them all flinch. When Ana lifts her eyes to Sam, there’s a rage of fire in them, something Steve has never truly seen from her before.

“It’s fine.” She grits through her teeth, voice clenched. She turns the jar of olives upside down. “I just need to do that trick with the-“ she bangs it on the counter – “tapping of the-“ She hits it again, “lid.” She flips it back over and tries twisting the top off again.

It doesn’t budge. It’s strange, watching her struggling with something as simple as opening a jar, however, deep down, Steve knows that isn’t the issue. The issue is Ana’s lack of sleep for the past three weeks. The issue is Ana’s crazy work ethic lately, where usually working everyday and being focus would be a good thing at times. With her, it’s not. Especially when Steve catches her popping Adderall pills just so she could focus on new mental health research and that machine Telly had told her about months ago.

When he caught her the third time, Steve snatched the bottle away and made her tell him what was going on. All she told him was that she had to help find a way to make Bucky’s triggers go away, because she failed him over and over and she can’t fail him again. Steve’s heart broke at her words and he ended up silently sitting at her desk in the Lab until she passed out on her key board.

“No!” Ana snaps, pulling Steve from his thoughts. Sam apparently tried offering again. “I can do this okay, Sam. I just want olives, like I just want my vodka martini like really dry- open you damn piece of fucking shit- really dry and really dirty. Like a really dirty martini with at least three olives and-“

She stops talking, grimacing as she twists the top again. Finally, it pops off and a bit of juice and a few olives fall onto the counter. She slams the jar down, grabs the rolling olives and plops them in her martini, followed by pouring a little of the juice into it as well. She hastily grabs a paper towel off the roll and cleans up the juice on the counter, throwing the wet paper towel in the sink.

“See. Easy.” She states dryly, picking up her glass. “Now. If you’ll all excuse me, I have a dirty date tonight.” She lifts her drink as proof, then leaves the kitchen.

-

Ana has no idea Steve has been watching her break down for the past ten minutes. He wanted to intervene, wanted to stop her from using her energy, but something stopped him. Maybe the tears in her eyes, or how she was giving her all into the punching bag. She had already knocked down one, when Steve entered the gym, and now she’s wailing on the second one.

Her chest is heaving, sweat dripping down her body. The lights keep flickering as if there’s a bad storm raging outside rather than the form of a person. The chains holding up the bags rattle, and the treadmills actually beep and turn on once in a while.

A sob ripping through the charged air makes Steve finally enter the gym. Ana is throwing punch after punch, fast and hard and she’s crying. She’s crying, and sobbing and before Steve can reach her, she punches the bag clean off the chain with a jet of golden yellow light. It flies across the room and slams into the opposite wall, further than the first one did.

She turns as she accidently knocks her gloves into her head when she tried to grab her hair. She releases a frustrated growl, tearing off the velcro gloves and throwing them to the side. She’s panting, her body shaking along with the lights on the ceiling. Ana hastily wipes her eyes and she finally notices Steve standing in front of her.

Her chin quivers for a moment, then she steels her emotions so fast, it’s scary. So, Steve says nothing, and walks past her. He knows. He understands this. The lack of sleep, the dreams, the pent up energy, the unadulterated anger and frustration. Ana may not have been frozen for 70 years only to wake up to a different world, where everyone she knew was gone and had been thrown right into more wars.

That may not have happened to her, but Ana’s own world shattered around her and she had to watch the love of her life almost die trying to protect her. She almost died trying to protect him, only to lose him in a different way and watch him go with the ever-looming threat of darkness hanging over them.

He knows Ana didn’t fall under ice for 70 years, that they don’t have in common. Losing Bucky. That is something Steve understands exceptionally well.

Steve picks up the closest punching bag, dragging it over and re-hooking it. He repeats the same process with the other bag, then he goes to the little bucket of bottled water to grab one. He offers it to Ana, but she just turns, fetches her gloves to put them on, and starts punching again. He sighs, dropping the bottle in favor of watching her. Just making sure she doesn’t actually hurt herself.

After another two rounds of knocking the bags off and Steve going to fetch them, Ana actually screams. She screams in what sounds like aggravation and stops punching. She rips the gloves off again, lifting the right one and chucking it at the wall. She repeats the motion with the left, then starts hitting the bag again. Only she isn’t punching it. She’s literally just smacking her palms against the bag, releasing little grunts and growls.

“This. Is. So. Fucking. Stupid!!” She yells with each hit.

“Ana.” Steve finally speaks up. He has to, otherwise she’ll brake her hands.

“No! No, Steve! This is stupid! It’s fucking stupid! He’s so fucking stupid!”

He grabs her by her arms and spins her around. Her momentum follows, and she accidently punches him in the gut. Steve huffs out a breathless grunt because he wasn’t expecting that, and also because Ana is much stronger than she lets on. She doesn’t look sorry. She just grabs his shirt, scrunching the material in her fists, trying to shake him back and forth.

“He’s your stupid friend, Steve! He’s stupid and you’re stupid for not stopping him and I’m stupid for letting him leave! Fuck him and fuck you and fuck me all over the fucking city because I fucking failed him!”

Steve wraps his arms around her, squeezing her tight to his body, holding her steady. He keeps his grip strong, so Ana can’t free herself, and she finally breaks down against him. She sobs into his chest, her body shaking and the lights pop, throwing the gym into darkness.

Ana lost Bucky. It’s the same, but different. It’s so different for her because Ana is in love with Bucky, and he’s still well and alive, but he’s in a place where she can’t reach him. Ana and Bucky have a different level of connection and that is all due to their energies being intertwined in more ways than one. The intimacy level of their relationship is unparallel to anyone else’s. It’s like they can almost feel each other. So, this, this has to be devastating to her.

“I failed him. I failed him.” She keeps repeating between her cries.

“Ana, listen to me.” Steve says vehemently. He doesn’t think softness will get through to her right now. He puts conviction in his next words. “You did not fail him. You hear me? You did not fail him.”

“I miss him so much.”

“I know, I know, honey. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay, I promise. I promise you’ll see him again.”

He believes the words himself when he says it to her. Steve knows where Bucky is, and he knows the Wakadan team his friend has behind him are trying to work this out. Ana falls silent after that, her sobs slowly coming to an end. Steve doesn’t know how long he stands there for, trying to hold his best friend’s girl together.

Finally, she stops crying all together and when she pushes herself back, Steve lets her. Ana wipes her eyes, now puffy and red, then wipes under her nose. Steve leaves her for a moment to grab a box of tissues by the towels, handing it to her when he returns. She gives him a watery smile, then chuckles humorlessly.

“I snotted all over your shirt.” She says wetly, dabbing at her nose. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen. I’m sorry I hit you.”

“Don’t apologize for any of that.” He tells her, reaching out to grab her elbow. “I just need you to get some rest, alright? No work, no drinks, no gym. Just sleep. Can you do that for me?”

Ana nods. “Yeah, yeah. I think you’re right. I need to sleep.”

“C’mon. I’ll walk you back.”

**

Bucky sighs heavily. “Fuck. Of course, she would do that.” He says sadly, fiddling with a thread on his pants.

“I shouldn’t keep telling you these things, Buck.” Steve frowns. “They just upset you.”

“I need to know how she is.”

“Why don’t you just come back?” Steve pleads. “We can figure something out. I’m sure Shuri-“

“It isn’t safe, Steve.” Bucky interrupts him bitterly. “If there’s even the slightest chance of being triggered again.” He shakes his head. “She can’t keep fighting me off with her energy alchemy. It could kill her. I could-“

He swallows thickly but doesn’t continue.

“Bucky, she needs-“

“Don’t. Do not finish that sentence.”

“Why? Because you know I’m right and you know it’s the truth and if you hear it you’ll come back.”

Bucky looks to be in physical pain, close to tears. “I can’t.” He whispers. “I want to, fuck, I want to go back to her so bad, you have no fucking idea but I. I can’t. Fuck!”

Bucky shoves his hand through his hair roughly, gripping the roots. Steve backs off, because it isn’t just hard for Ana. He knocks Bucky’s hand out of his hair, then squeezes his right shoulder in comfort.

“I’m sorry for pushing.” Steve apologizes quietly. “I know it’s rough on you too.”

“I dream about her all the fucking time. She’s constantly in my head and when you woke me up I thought she would be here. I thought I was fixed and cured and I’d hold Ana in my arms again.”

Steve didn’t really think about that fact. He was called to Wakanda because that incident caused damage to the lab and Shuri had to prematurely wake Bucky up as she fixed it, and T’Challa called Steve asking if he wanted to see his friend during this time. He neglected to tell Ana about it. He didn’t think informing her, just to see Bucky for a few minutes and have to say goodbye all over again, was a good idea. Not when she was finally starting to sleep normally, eat properly, and slowly gather herself together.

“I’m sorry.” He tells his friend again. He can’t take seeing this amount of sadness and heartbreak on their faces anymore.

“Don’t be, it isn’t your fault.” Bucky sighs wearily. “I just miss her.”

They fall silent for a while after that. There’s a heaviness between them, the same one that Steve feels when Ana is in the room with him. He still finds it fascinating how connected both their energies are. His eyes flit across the room, landing on Shuri as she intently focuses on the computer.

“Has Shuri mentioned how close they are to erasing the triggers?” Steve inquires.

“She said they’re really close, just one more thing to figure out.” He shrugs, following Steve’s line of sight. “If anyone can do it, I think she can. Besides Ana. Tell her that for me, will you? I don’t think she believed me when I said she didn’t fail.”

Steve turns to look at him.

“Steve. She could never fail me. Ever.” Bucky states with a fierce passion in his tone.

“Deep down, I think she knows that. I hope she does.”

“Sergeant Barnes,” They’re interrupted by Shuri’s voice coming from behind them. “It’s ready.”

Bucky’s eyes fall shut, inhaling deeply. Steve doesn’t miss the stray tear that falls down his cheek. It’s his choice, but going back under isn’t easy. He claps Bucky on his shoulder, squeezing to offer him comfort. Bucky nods, and when he opens his eyes, there is a sadness to them.

“How is Ana now?” Bucky asks timidly, slowly slipping off the table. “Is she okay? Getting enough sleep?”

“Yeah, Bucky. She’s alright, she’s better.” Steve answers, walking him over to the glass chamber. “She’s strong. She’ll be okay.”

Bucky steps into the chamber, settling against the cushioned pads. A member of the of the medical team carefully straps him in, then checks his vitals.

“This will work.” Bucky states firmly. “It will work, and I’ll be fixed. I’m coming back to her.”

“I know, pal.”

“Thank you, Steve, for helping her.”

“Of course, Bucky. She’s family.”

Bucky smiles at that. Then his eyes shift, and he nods to the man, who presses a button. Slowly the glass cover comes down and Bucky closes his eyes, looking peaceful externally. Steve hopes his honesty and stories of Ana don’t give him bad dreams or makes him feel utter guilt and regret. The hissing noise and puff of white fog within the chamber signals that Bucky is now frozen once again.

**Present Day**

The second the door of the jet opens, Ana is running out, dashing through the hanger and weaving in and out of people. Steve just laughs and follows behind her, assuming they’ll get her things later. When Steve arrives just two minutes after her, he sees Ana already in Bucky’s arms.

Steve’s heart swells at the sight. Not only because his best friend and the girl who has become extremely important to him lately are together, but because Bucky looks healthy. He looks well rested, peaceful and clearly Shuri made him a new arm that Ana can’t seem to stop touching. Actually, neither of them can’t seem to stop touching each other for long.

“You look a lot older than when I saw you seven months ago.” Steve jokes, playfully shoving Bucky’s shoulder.

“First it was ugly and now it’s old. Why do I keep you around again?” Bucky quips, rubbing his knuckles atop Steve’s head.

“Wait, what?”

Him and Bucky stare wide eyed at each other. Slowly, they both look at Ana at the same time. She’s figured it out, he can see it in her eyes, and her jaw shifts as she crosses her arms.

“Are you telling me you saw Bucky seven months ago without telling me?” Ana states calmly. It’s scary.

“Last month too.” Shuri informs, unhelpful as she passes by the three of them.

Ana’s eyes widen and she steps away from Bucky. “What the fuck!”

Steve winces, yet Bucky is trying to contain his laughter. Sure, he finds it funny because Ana didn’t come back to the tower to pack then hit him over the head with his shield. Twice. She also launched various fruits at him as she saw fit, then filled his punching bag with flour so it exploded into a flurry of white clouds all over him and the gym.

“I was told it wasn’t a good idea!” Steve says, stepping behind a table for protection.

“By who!?” She demands.

Steve looks flatly at Bucky. Bucky flips him off.

Ana holds up a threatening finger, but when Bucky gently grazes his fingertips along her hip, her anger fades. Instead, her eyes shift back to the man standing next to her, then back to Steve. She drops her finger and smiles.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” She tells Steve. To Bucky, she says, “I should be angry because I would have loved to seen you, no matter what you vindicated your reasons for. But it doesn’t matter because you’re here now and I’m with you and-“

Ana grabs Bucky by his face, pulling him in for a loving kiss. Steve should look away, but the happiness of both their faces as they wrap their arms around each other, is enough to make the past year worth it all.

*********************************************************************

Drabbles: Two

Tags:  @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01 @kat-lives @towrite-or-nottowrite

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages: Epilogue

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Warnings: Language, mild PTSD. Explicit Sexual Content 18+. Mentions of Nightmares, Minor Character Death

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep Are you ever dreaming of me....cause I know this is delicate...

Words: 7.5k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01 @kat-lives

A/N: Here we are. This is the end of Delicate Stages. First, thank you to everyone who read, liked and commented on this monster of a story! I seriously can not thank you all enough. Thank you for being patient with me as I dealt with my loss, so I also really appreciate that. Thank you to my friend who allowed me to text her all sorts of silly little things and for helping me get my head straight when I needed it. I can't tell you the amount of sleepless nights and down time at work I had to write this story. This has become my baby, and I'm really proud of it and I'm baffled by the attention and praise it's received. With all that said, please enjoy, the final chapter of Delicate Stages.

10 months later:

The past ten months have been a fucked up roller coaster ride.

It starts only three days after Bucky drove out of Ana’s life. Max finds her, pulling her outside on the patio and carefully wrapping his arms around her in one of the longest hugs she’s ever received. He sits her down, then solemnly tells her the bad news.

Jared Sharp has passed away.

Although Ana has already heard a summary of what happened, Max divulges his side of the story. Jared was the one to realize what was happening, how he ran along with Max to help them out, and when they got there, Jared tried stopping it. He was critically shot and Max tried everything he could to keep him from bleeding out.

She’s heard this up until that point. Max continues, tells her that Jared asked if he saved her, and for some reason, he lied. It made Jared smile, said that Alex would be happy, and that was the last thing he said before he passed out. His body couldn’t come back from the trauma of the wound and gave out.

Ana had been peering out into the distance while Max talked. Her eyes sting, she blinks once, twice. Something wet falls onto her cheek and she realizes then that she’s crying. Her and Jared never got along while working, and he may have hated and blamed her for the wrong reasons, but he was trying to make up for it. They were beginning to get to know one another, understand each other. Her brother loved him for plenty of reasons, and Ana is disheartened that they could have been friends for more than a few weeks.

In the end, Jared wanted to protect Alex’s sister. He wanted to prevent anything further, he wanted to save her and Bucky, and it earned him a bullet to his chest. Ana leans forward, allowing Max to gather her in his arms as she cries quietly against his chest. She mourns the loss of Jared Sharp.

The long days morph into longer nights- some sleepless, some filled with nightmares of the aftermath- busy days, tear filled showers, bottles of wine, and working non stop. Especially after discovering the little notebooks Bucky left behind just for her. Honestly, Ana thinks it would just have been better if he'd taken those with him, instead of leaving them in a neat pile in her nightstand for her to find. Then, as she goes through them, page after page filled with nothing but his thoughts about her, she thinks, maybe not.

The first time she had gotten the nerve to go through one, she cried. Well, she laughed, then cried, maybe it was a mixture of both. She swears James Buchanan Barns could be a famous poet if he wanted to. It's these words, his words, his thoughts and feelings, that Ana rereads over and over, keeps close to her heart, and under her pillow. She feels slightly pathetic. She just misses him every single day, and Bucky's words just reassure her that no matter how much time passes, no matter how far the distance, no matter where he is, that he still loves her. That he will come back to her like he promised. It's her little bit of home she holds onto.

Home isn't a place, it's a person, it's a feeling; Bucky took that with him.

It's been a week since Ana has cracked open one of the little books, the binding worn by this point. It's not her fault, she's been keeping busy, more than usual. She's been working in the Medical Ward, offering her reports and help to any agents and Avengers coming back from missions. 

Ana has absolutely refused to join any new mission and not just because of her knee, to the point of where Tony no longer asks her. She'd rather just sit back, wait anxiously while cuddling Ezra, and do her Empathetic Healing. She tries not to use her Energy Alchemy anymore, at least, not until it stops making her weak.

Sometimes, while she's waiting, or alone in the compound, Ana wonders into Bucky's room. She's already took all his pillows, now piled up on her bed, and a left over shirt or two, but she sits on his mattress, staring at a navy blue hat he left behind. Sometimes, she falls asleep, curled up in the middle of the bed that still smells like him, and sometimes she wakes up to Steve covering her with a blanket. When that happens, he doesn't coax her to get up or move into her room, instead, he sits beside her, pats his lap for her to rest her head on, until she drifts off again. Misery loves company, they say.

The last seven days however, have been crazy. Ana had been dealing with filing reports, even proof reading others, and the team just came back from a four day mission, uncovering yet another HYDRA base. 

The mission went smoothly, but Steve still came back pissed off, and it took Ana quite some time to calm him. To be honest, she didn't try that hard, because when Steve becomes angry about the situation, it allows Ana to let her own feelings out because, yes. She is still upset and angry, and fuck, she just misses Bucky.

As does Steve, who takes it out on the punching bag next to her favorite one. When Ana catches him during these times, she challenges him to knock all the bags off the chains, they end up making a game out of it. Ana punches with all her might, until she can no longer control her powers, using energy to blast the bag right off. It always ends with them falling to the mat laughing. It’s cathartic for them both.

*

Three hundred and twenty-three days later, Ana is banging her head against the island marble top. She hasn't emailed Telly in a long time, both busy with their own lives and projects, but Ana is stuck on a mental health device that Tony has been trying to come up with and inquired her help. The concept being able to replicate what Ana can do, by healing the mind from emotional and psychological trauma. Maybe she if smacks her head hard enough it'll knock her intelligence back into her brain.

“You’re going to give yourself a concussion, and I will not be explaining that to Pepper.”

“Why? Because your fiancé will have your ass if I’m hurt?”

There’s a hand now between her forehead and the counter top, cushioning her blows. Ana narrows her eyes at Tony as he picks her head up.

“Why don’t you take a vacation?” He offers, his dark eyes flashing in concern.

“I agree!” Steve shouts from the couch as he sits up straighter, overly eager.

“Me too!” Wanda pipes in, pulling her attention away from the card game she’s teaching Vision. Those two have been growing closer and closer the past several months.

“I can’t. I’m too busy.” Ana glares at both of them.

Sam, who has been eating his lunch on the patio speaks up. “Not too busy to clean my wings! Four times. They didn’t even need a cleaning.”

Ana rolls her eyes.

“It was entertaining to watch you do that though.” Comes Natasha’s voice from behind her.

Ana spins in her chair not at all hearing her walk in. She snatches the untouched spoon and jar of Nutella that has been sitting next Ana for a while. She hasn’t cracked it open, mainly because it was making her sad. She still has the one Bucky gave her on her bookshelf. No one touches it.

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Tony asserts, ignoring everyone. “I’m telling you. Start packing and pick a location, anywhere you want to go and I’ll have my jet bring you there.”

She groans.

“Why don’t you visit your friend? That pen pal of yours.” Steve suggests, giving Tony a pointed look over her shoulder.

“Pen pal.” Ana mutters while Natasha leans against the counter, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Tony claps his hands together. “Yes. Besides, Pepper will have my ass for real if she finds out how stressed you’ve been.”

“I am not s-”

“You’re hair has been falling out and FRIDAY clocked your BP at 139 for at least-”

“Okay, I got it, thanks.” Ana snaps.

It’s true, she’s been purposely overworking herself. Jumping from one agent to the next, then the issue with helping Peter Parker’s Aunt May come to terms with finding the truth about his identity as Spider-Man. Which was shocking news to everyone, minus Tony. Not to mention the lack of sleep and still ignoring the Bucky shaped hole in her heart.

“Fine.” She sighs exaggeratedly. “I’ll go visit Telly.”

“Thank god. All this negative energy was making me antsy.” Wanda teases, wiggling her fingers.

“Negative!?” She pauses, then shrugs. “Hush and help me pack.”

***

Wakanda is the most beautiful, stunning place Ana has ever seen in her life. The scenery blooms in front of her eyes, the color of the sky seem more vibrant, as do the plants, the landscape. It's the incredibly advance technology that has her mind reeling. It takes her breath away. She can't help thinking, as she slowly and takes in all the new sights with wonder, that Bucky would adore this place. She ignores the pang of longing in her heart.

Ana arrives to her destination, the ramp of the jet she came in lowers as she goes to grabs her bags. She’s stopped by one of the stunning women who had offered to pick her up in the first place. She introduced herself as Okoye. She politely holds her hand out, her dark skin almost illuminating in the sunlight along with her intricate red and gold uniform. Ana insists she can carry her own bags, that it isn't a problem, until the woman levels her with a stern look.

Once Ana exits the jet, she's led down a beautiful hallway, that leads into a wide, expansive laboratory. Her mouth drops open. The ceilings are high, two entire walls display floor to ceiling windows overlooking the countryside. There’s a plethora of technological advance machines and devices, all futuristic and expensive; Ana is afraid to walk too close to them, lest she break something. Everything in this lab makes the one back home look like a child's play toy. They come to a halt on the left side of the lab, behind someone standing by a table of weapons.

"Princess Shuri," Okoye introduces a tilt of her golden spear. “AnaRosa Rios."

Ana balks at that, because Princess!? Telly sent the Princess of Wakanda to greet her? "Uh-" She squeaks dumbly, blinking in surprise.

The young woman, a teenager, dressed in all white with multiple braided hair wrapped up into a bun, turns. She beams brightly, waving excitedly. Then it clicks. Telly is Princess Shuri of Wakanda, which means she is the sister of T'Challa, the Black Panther. The King of Wakanda. Holy shit.

Shuri rushes to her, Ana automatically opens her arms to greet her with a hug. It isn't awkward or weird, since they've talked for so long, have shared so much, that it feels like a seeing an old friend who's moved away. Once they pull back, they break out into giddy chit chat and laughter, mainly because Ana had no idea who Telly truly was, but Telly- Shuri, knew who Ana was for a while. That is, until Shuri reminded her that she did in fact introduce herself way back in their first message to each other. Ana is just dumb and was overly impressed by her intelligence that she just opted to nickname her Telly.

Shuri pulls back completely, squatting down until she's level with Ana's knee. “How’s your knee holding up in this rusted thing?" She inquires with a beautiful accent. "Brother told me it was damaged again. Stark technology failed?”

Ana shrugs sheepishly. “In his defense, I don’t think he was prepared for a five pronged electrical disk to be shoved into my knee? It somehow countered the rods between the bones and disabled them. That's a lie. It literally yanked them from my bones." She winces like she can still feel the pain from the moment it happened. Her entire knee throbs occasionally, even with the temporary brace she is currently wearing.

Shuri pursues her lips. “Hmmm. It was painful, yes?” She gently taps the brace with her fingers.

“Excruciating.”

“Why did you wait so long to see me?" She stands up, crossing her arms. "I offered to help when you told me about your knee the first time."

Ana waves her hand around. “I was really busy and I was handling the pain the best way I could. I’m here now though.”

Shuri looks like she wants to say something else, but hooks her arm with Ana's own. “Come. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

She steers Ana towards the opposite side of the room, past the little workshops with objects she can’t quite see. She tries taking in the amazing sights of the laboratory, but she's being pulled too quickly. They head towards the Health and Healing area in the back, stopping by the Wakandan version of an MRI machine. Ana’s eyes widen, she drops her arm.

“Oh my god.” She breathes.

Shuri nudges her arm. “I thought you’d like it.”

Ana is amazed. “Shuri, you literally built a knee. This is incredible!”

The artificial knee appears more advanced than anything she has ever seen. It’s navy blue, nearly black in color, clearly made from a material not yet accessible to other countries. A thin piece of what looks like golden cartilage cushions the joints, along with golden tendons and ligaments.

Ana steps up to the table, examining the artificial knee. “It operates like a real one, right? No limited range of motion?”

“Correct. It’s better than a real one. It’s one-hundred percent vibranium. It's kinetic as well, so it’ll absorb any shock impact and converts it into energy.” Shuri explains excitedly. "Goes perfectly with what you can do. The surgery for it isn’t as invasion as a normal, less advanced knee replacement. Your recovery would be days, weeks possbily, rather than months.”

Ana claps her hands, ecstatic. “Does that mean I have my leg strength back?”

Shuri laughs. “Yes! You can land a powerful strike. The best part however, it converts into a positive source of energy throughout your body. I gathered all the information you told me and decided to build it that way to give you more endurance.”

“You're amazing, Shuri.” Ana compliments, focusing back on the knee to take in the details.

“One other thing.”

Ana turns to face her, eager to learn more. Then her heart stops in her chest, air ceasing in her lungs. She can barely feel her expression melt into shock and briefly thinks that she is going into shock. Time seems to stand still, and a warmth begins to spread throughout her bones. The breath she had been holding in without her knowledge leaves her mouth in a quiet huff. It takes her seventeen seconds to breathe again.

Bucky.

Bucky is standing there. 

Bucky is standing right there. Bucky is standing several feet behind Shuri, who is probably smiling so wide, but Ana doesn’t see her. She doesn’t see anyone or anything surrounding her other than Bucky. Bucky who has a soft little grin on his lips as he stares back at her. Bucky, who she had been dreaming of standing in front of her for months, is right there.

Ana has to be certain this is real before she truly reacts. She blinks rapidly, but the illusion doesn’t disappear. She twists her injured knee until it hurts, but she isn’t dreaming. Bucky is wearing a white tunic, threaded with intricate designs that look important, royal. His trousers are a gray loose fitting material leading to his bare feet. 

Clearly the past ten months has done him good, since he now has a brand new prosthetic arm, sleek and dark blue interlaced with gold. It’s his face though, that kickstarts Ana’s heart up again. He looks serene. His blue eyes are bright and clear as the sky, popping vividly against the color of his shirt. Any cuts and scabs are long gone, and half his hair is twisted back into a bun, the length now just above his shoulders.

“Hi Annie.”

It’s daybreak after the longest period of darkness. That simple nickname, that gentle little greeting finally makes Ana’s feet unglue from the floor. This is real, and Bucky is real and it’s not another heart wrenching dream. 

Ana sprints towards him, closing the few feet between them. She jumps, Bucky catching her instantly, wrapping her thighs around his hips. Ana kisses him. Bucky tightens his arms around her waist, pressing her close and kissing her back with fervor.

“Your knee!” Shuri cackles from somewhere behind them. They ignore her. “Love sick colonizers.”

Ana’s hands are in his hair, gripping and pulling his head closer. Their mouths open against each other’s and she has missed the way he tastes. Bucky moves his arm up her back, his own fingers tangling in her hair, kissing her harder. It’s bruising and perfect, ignites a furnace deep within her soul. Ana begins to slip, so she drops her legs, but Bucky holds her tighter to his chest. Unfortunately, they break apart, just barely, grinning wildly against each others mouths. Bucky brings his right hand up to cup her jaw.

“You came back to me.” Ana whispers, tears welling up in her eyes.

Bucky laughs softly, freely, and it’s the best sound she has ever heard. “Promised I would, love.” He kisses her again.

Her hand slips from his long, soft hair, falling onto his left shoulder. She breaks the kiss once more, gazing up into his watery blue eyes. “I’ve missed you.”

“You have no idea.” He exhales, swiping his thumbs along her cheekbones. He peaks her nose. “I have missed your pretty eyes.”

Ana melts into him. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Better. Brand new.”

Overwhelming relief crashes over. Ana beams, tears escaping her eyes. She’s so happy in this moment.

“I love you.” Bucky conveys strongly, nudging his forehead against hers.

"I love you, too. Oh my god. This is real right? Please, please tell me you're real."

"I'm very real, doll face."

"God." Ana reaches up to tug his hair, only to pull him back down for another long, overdue kiss.

“I’m fixed, Ana, it’s gone.” He mumbles against her mouth.

She pulls back, completely gobsmacked. “What- I mean- how- what?”

Bucky smiles so wide, his eyes squint, those cute crinkles appearing by the corners. “Shuri. She did this thing with-” he breaks off laughing as Ana places quick little pecks all over his face, “-the scientists and the-” Ana kisses his mouth, “-thing."

“Very eloquently put.” Shuri cackles behind them.

Ana grabs either side of his head, slipping her fingers into his thick, long hair, accidentally loosening the bun. She rubs her thumbs against his temples, senses his warm energy seeping into hers. 

“Fuck,” She mutters, beaming at him. “I’m so happy for you, baby. How do you feel?” She has to ask again.

“Free.”

The rapidly beating heart swells even more inside her chest. Her stomach flutters, warmth spreading throughout her veins. All she ever wanted was for Bucky to be free from Hydra’s monstrous tentacles. Ana weeps from joy.

Gentle thumbs wipe away her tears, as Bucky tenderly hushes her with sweet little coos. Once she gathers herself, she turns around in his arms, Bucky wrapping them around her chest. 

“Shuri, this is incredible. You are incredible!” Ana exclaims. “How were you able to do it?"

"Come! I'll show you!" She chirps excitingly, grabbing Ana's arm, pulling her from Bucky’s hold to dragging her across the lab. 

He makes a noise of protest, but Shuri ignores him. They come to a stop by a large holographic digital panel. She taps her fingers swiftly on the screen until images of what must be Bucky's brain pop up.

"We used our most sophisticated bi-scanners to create a one on one digital representation of his brain." The insanely intelligent princess explains, expanding one of the images. "The progress we made was tested and retested again in the digital construct, that way there was no damage to the physical brain tissue."

She turns her attention on Ana. "I was worried about that. If the tissue would be damaged in the process of deprogramming the words, of pulling them apart, since they were basically embedded into his DNA at that point. All interictally woven."

Ans shakes her head in disbelief. She knew how deep HYDRA's brainwashing went, seventy years of wiping his mind and repeating those words made a giant impact. A long term affect.

"As you already knew," Shuri continues, "there was no simple solution to just erase mental programming, especially after 7 decades. There's no delete button, and you were right, Ana. The majority of his programming was linked to the trigger words. The last thing we wanted to do was remove all of who Sergeant Barnes was. All his loves, his hates, his whole personality- when trying to destroy what Hydra made him into. 

“The hardest part was rooting out the extent of his memories that had the greatest amount of control over his physical actions. The ones that had been manipulated due to their deep emotional trauma. Which was quite a few."

Ana hums in agreement, surprisingly able to follow along. Shuri goes on.

"I ran an algorithm that was able to flush the influence of the trigger words out, all while retaining the core context of those original memories. Essentially, I was able reboot him."

"Does-" Ana speaks up, her voice raspy, taking all the information in. She clears her throat. "Does that mean, his memories..."

"They're all there." She grins brightly at her. "All his memories, and traits, everything that makes Sergeant Barnes himself, is all there. Old memories, and new ones, important ones."

She places a gentle hand on Ana's shoulder. "I was careful. I made sure to keep all his memories with you intact as well. The healing session you told me about, evidently, helped me out more than expected. By performing that, you essentially tied stronger, newer memories, thoughts, feelings, loves, into his brain.

“It was much easier to separate what Sergeant Barnes felt with those memories, what he began to associate the former trigger words, as good. Even beforehand, the words weren't as deeply rooted as I anticipated. Which is a result from your Deprogramming Sessions as well."

Ana frowns, befuddled. She had been staring at Bucky as he fawned over the vibrainum knee meant for her. Bucky glances up, and she tears her eyes away, locking her gaze back to Shuri. She mulls the words over in her mind for several long moments, her heart picking up speed just a little at the implication.

"So...what you are saying is-"

"You did not fail me." Bucky's voice interrupts her from behind.

Ana turns, blinking. He was just on the other side of the room two seconds ago. He's smiling at her, that one where his mouth is tilted up to right, and the corners of his eyes are soft.

"Precisely." Shuri concurs. "If it weren't for you, our process would have been longer and much more invasive. This took around fourth and a half months. It would have been quicker, but our country briefly had civil disagreements with an outsider."

"Wait. Then I really didn't..." Ana shakes her head again, trying to comprehend all of this information.

Everything she has been beating herself up with, everything she felt immensely guilty of, that weighed on her like 20-ton weights, wasn't true. That she truly did not fail in helping him. All those nights she spent crying into her pillow, all the nights she spent alone in their spot on the roof, driving herself into a nearly depressed tail spin. All that time she spent knowing that she could have done more, that maybe if she did something differently, that none of what happened would have happened.

"Annie."

The nickname she once despised pulls her from her thoughts. Bucky is standing a few inches in front of her, placing careful hands on her cheeks, his touch delicate. Ana revels in the contrast of his hands, warm and cool, allowing it to ground her. She's beginning to feel overwhelmed with everything from the past hour. Arriving in a place she had no idea exist until a day ago, thinking she was here to visit for a new knee, then having Bucky surprise her, to the information about how Shuri and her team were able to fully deprogram him. She feels dizzy.

"You with me, darling?" Bucky murmurs, smoothing his thumbs over her cheekbones. His eyes are so incredibly blue, and she is drowning in them. Wants to drown in them forever.

"I didn't fail you?" She breathes, still trying to comprehend it. She brings her hands up, curling her fingers over his wrists.

His eyes crinkle as his expressions turns fond. “No, you didn't. You were a big part in helping me." He leans closer, pressing his forehead against hers. "Between you and I, you were the greatest part. You are the greatest part."

Then he kisses her, gentle and tantalizing, the sensation melting right down to her bones. It causes her knees to buckle, her right one throbbing, but the love of her life wraps his arms around her shoulders and waist, supporting her against his body. Ana can't help it, a few tears escaped once more as she hugs Bucky around his back.

Shuri decides to speak up. "Your broken white boy is fixed!" She exclaims.

Not expecting that at all, Ana pulls away cackling loud and unabashed. She barely hears Bucky sigh, before she turns and launched herself at Shuri, embracing her in a tight hug.

"You are an exceptional genius!" Ana tells her, tears still blurring her vision. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Her friend laughs in her ear before she leans back. "When my brother told me exactly who Sergeant Barnes was-

"Bucky, Shuri." He interjects. He's ignored.

"-I had to help." She goes on as if Bucky hadn't said a word. "Not just for scientific reason, which is a major breakthrough for Wakandan artificial intelligence, but for the both of you as well. You became extremely sad in your emails, Ana, and his most recent memories were just as sad. I knew this would make you both happy. Captain Rogers too."

Ana beams at her, until it clicks in her brain. She takes a step back. "Oh my god, Steve knew this entire time!"

No wonder he was eager to take Ana here. That little fucking punk. When she gets back she's going to smack Steve in the face with his shield, then she’s going to have to thank him in the biggest way possible when she goes back. She looks at Bucky, who is laughing now, his mouth open and head tilted back.

If she goes back.

***

"You've been sitting on a never-ending supply of Winter theme nicknames for him, and I'm only now finding out about it?" Shuri asks, crossing her arms and glaring at Bucky.

It took a while for Ana and Bucky's reunion to die down, even having several of the Wakadans working in the lab clapping for them. It felt physically impossible to pull away from each other, and even now, Ana has her arms around his lower back, her head pressed against his chest over his beating heart. Bucky has his flesh hand in her hair, his left hugging her spine.

"I think you have plenty of your own nicknames for me." Bucky responds flatly. Ana perks up at that. "No. I'm not telling you either, darling. This information is very dangerous in both your hands."

"I'll just tell her later." Shuri winks at her.

"You don't stand a chance, Bucky." Ana simpers. She hears him huff exasperated. "You love me." She leans back to look at him, and he's already peering down at her.

"With every fiber of my being." He tells her with conviction.

Her heart swells. "I've missed you. I love you."

He kisses her deeply, until Shuri clears her throat. Bucky pulls back, shrugging unashamed. "I’ve missed those nine gold dots.” He gently brushes his thumb under her eye. “Would you like to see where I live?"

Ana ignores the little pang in her heart at the words. "That sounds like a line, Buck."

They stare at each other, goofy grins on their faces. Ana feels likw this is her own  homecoming, wrapped up in his arms.

"Go, go." Shuri shoos before Bucky can reply. "Enjoy your time, Ana. We can talk knee replacement surgery when you are ready. No rush.”

***

White Wolf.

It's what the Wakandans dubbed Bucky. It's what T'Challa and Shuri named him during his recovery. Ana finds out that the people have essentially adopted Bucky and have accepted him into their society and culture. He explains all of this to her, as she traces her fingers all over his new arm that seems utterly benign.

She can't get over the beauty of the vibranium prosthetic. It's so very different from the other, then again, this new arm was made with careful tenderness from people who genuinely hold Bucky's interest as important. As someone who is indeed a human, with complex thoughts and emotions. Someone who isn't viewed as a weapon, as an asset.

Bucky allows her to play with his fingers, twisting and turning his wrist, pulling his bicep closer to her face. The technology is amazing, beautiful. The design reminds her of the kintsukuroi artwork she has in her room. Ana traces every single line of gold she sees; around his fingers, his knuckles, the lines in his palm, around his wrist, up his forearm, over his bicep.

"To repair with gold." She whispers, accidentally interrupting Bucky.

He stops talking and laces his fingers with hers. Then he lifts her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. Ana smiles at him, before leaning into him, kissing him softly on the lips. As he brings his right hand up to rest against her chest and taps her collarbone, she vaguely remembers never believing in a one true love before. But as they sit alone on the freight train that takes them from the Lab, through the city and into the country side, she thinks maybe she was wrong.

*

Bucky quite literally pulls Ana along through a small village made up of scattered huts. Animals ranging from chickens, to sheep, dogs and even some cats run around. He shows her around the little farm he works on three days a week. He points out the animals, the little goats and sheep, some chickens and lambs. He points out his favorite little goat, who he named Rosa because she's a stubborn little thing that likes to kick at hay bills. The fact that Ana's full name ends with Rosa doesn't go unnoticed, and Bucky blushes when she mentions. He tells her that moving hay bills and other manual labor makes him feel whole, that he can be helpful.

Bucky admits, his voice quiet as he pets Rosa on the head, that most days he doesn't even use his left arm. Keeping it locked in a case up in the lab and working with just his right arm makes him feel more human; feels more like himself. That during this recovery process, he had begun accepting himself as who he was. It made Bucky feel like he wasn't just a weapon, and his old Soviet made arm was just an everyday reminder that for seventy plus years, that's all he was.

"I think that's why I was always so cautious with it around you." Bucky confesses, voice barely above a whisper. "All I saw was this horrific thing that could hurt you and I couldn't get rid of. I was stuck with it."

Ana  understands, and to convey that she does, she presses a light kiss to his temple. As Bucky leads them towards the furthest hut just on the outskirts of a small lake, they're surrounded by children with beautiful dark skin, dressed in traditionally wraps with white and yellow tribal paint on their faces. They're all shouting in their native language, but the kind expression on Bucky's face tells Ana that they're calling his name. Not Bucky; White Wolf.

He drops her hand in favor of picking up one of the smallest boys, swinging him around in the air. The child giggles brightly as the others all eagerly wait their turn, pining for his attention. Ana's heart blooms warmth, her cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling so wide. Bucky is so at ease here, content and comfortable, and the little pang gently kicks at her stomach. Ana ignores it once more as she is suddenly being pulled toward the lake by three girls, who then force her to sit on a boulder.

Bucky makes his way over to them after several minutes of throwing each child up into the air. He chuckles under his breath when he sees the braids in Ana's hair. The girls have been chatting excitedly, and although she doesn't understand a word, she's content to sit there and listen, taking in the life of the small village. Some of the older villagers offer her friendly waves and smiles, an elderly woman stopping by once to hand her some beads to give to the girls.

"They're saying you have thick beautiful hair." Bucky translate her as he sits down.

One of the youngers boys from earlier had follow him, and climbs into Ana's lap, taking her hands and playing with her fingers. "I figured." She smiles over at him. "They love you here."

"Yeah, I guess they do." He agrees, pinching one of the tan beads in her hair.

"Umfazi!" The girl behind her giggles. "Umfazi!"

Bucky clears his throat and turns to playfully poke the girl in the arm. His cheeks, Ana notices, are tinted red.

"What did she say?" She questions curiously.

"It's not important. She's just being silly."

Ana narrows her eyes, but lets it go in favor of tickling the little boy in her lap

***

After spending a few hours in the village, Bucky brings Ana to his apartment just on the outskirts of the city. It's an open yet cozy concept, despite modern touches and all types of advanced tech she has never seen before; sleek appliances and even an entertainment center. Bucky lights up while talking about it, a brilliant smile on his face, telling her how cool and amazing the tech is and Stark hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of what this country has and can do.

It's here that Ana finally realizes what that panging in her heart is. It feels like she's being shot all over again, steel bullets twisting her insides around. A bitter taste fills her mouth and she swallows it with the painful flutter of her heart as well. 

Bucky has found his place here; recovering, becoming healthy, physically, mentally, emotionally. His excitement and awe of every little piece of aspect hasn't dimmed once, despite living here for months.

"You're happy here." Ana states quietly, interrupting him. "You love it here."

Bucky's smile falls from his mouth, a frown setting in as he takes her hands. "I'm happy you're here with me. I'm happy with you."

He leans down to press his lips to her forehead, then trails his mouth down to her temple, her cheek, to her nose. He traces his fingers up from her own, to her arms, until he is cupping her jaw. Ana gazes up at him, her heart pounding against her chest, her cheeks heating up under his touch. He is looking at her with so much love, so much adoration, that any seed of doubt she was beginning to have fades away.

When Bucky presses his lips against hers, it's tantalizing, nearly burning her bones and melting against his solid body. Ana snakes her arms around his waist, pressing him closer, because at one point she couldn't handle three days away from him, and three hundred and twenty-three days was horrible. She grips his shirt, trying to hold off the sudden emotion swirling in her chest. She must gasp against his lips, for Bucky starts to walk her backwards, his tongue prying her lips open.

Something wet escapes her eyes, and Bucky swipes his thumbs over them. She doesn't know how they got from the kitchen to his room, onto the bed, but she doesn't complain. Ana brings her hands up to tangle her fingers into his long hair, when Bucky takes them both, interlocking their fingers and pressing them on either side of her head. He pulls back to stare into her eyes, and Bucky's own are wet.

Ana gives him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I love you, so much, and I'm incredibly happy to see you, you have no idea. Or you probably do. I just..." She trails off, lip quivering.

"It's alright, Ana." Bucky soothes softly. "I get it. I love you, I missed you." He kisses the tip of her nose, then pulls back. "I was in cryofreeze on and off for decades, and from what I remember, I didn't dream too often. This time was different. I dreamt of you, Annie. Your face, your laugh, your touch. Just being with you, and when I woke up, there was a moment where I thought you there with me. When I realized you weren't-"

He breaks off. Ana untangles her left hand, reaching up to wipe a tear on his cheek away. "It was horrible without, and I know that isn't fair for me to say-"

He kisses her to cease her words, and it's a very Bucky like thing to do. It makes her stomach flip.

"I nearly begged them to put me back to sleep after they fixed everything. Because being awake, knowing how far you were from me..." He shakes his head, his eye glazing over for a moment. He blinks, then smiles down at her. "I want to show you how much I missed you. I want to show you how fucking happy I am right now."

*

Bucky sits back on his heels, and it should be comical, him sitting there naked with how turned on he is, but it’s not. His hungry gaze pins Ana to the spot on the bed, her heart beating wildly as he continues to stare at her, as if he’s seeing her for the first time. Bucky doesn’t need to show her how much he’s missed her or loves her; Ana can feel the emotional energy radiating off his skin. However, he’s still too far from her.

Ana lifts her right leg, hooking her heel over his shoulder, the vibranium base feels smooth and sleek. She tries pulling him in, however, Bucky wraps his fingers around her ankle, moving her foot so he can kiss the Veni Vidi Vici tattoo on the outside of her foot. He then kisses her ankle, trailing his lips up to her calf. He places feather light kisses over her injured knee, the marks from disk faint against her olive skin; the brace had been carefully place to the side.

He continues kissing up her inner thigh, her stomach swooping as Bucky moves closer to her center. He ignores her there, opting to lean over and kiss the left side of her hip, where the scars from years ago begin. He drags his lips across her navel, his beard tickling her skin and kisses the newest scar left behind by a bullet. Bucky moves up to kiss the tattoo on her ribs, her skin erupting in goosebumps as his breath fans over the words.

He skips over her breasts, slightly heaving with her labored breaths. She has to bite her lip to keep from whimpering as he tenderly kisses the second bullet scar on her shoulder. Bucky grazes his teeth over her collarbone, tapping his thumb twice, before trailing his lips up her neck and behind her ear, kissing the lotus flower tattoo.

“Bucky,” Ana gives in with a whine, her mouth dropping open as his hard chest grazes over her nipples. “Please."

“Shhh, baby.” He murmurs over her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “I’ve got you.”

His hands find hers, lacing their fingers together as he finally kisses her lips. He keeps his mouth soft, delicate, the love he feels for her seeping into her bones. She loves him just as much, but it’s been ten months, and that’s ten fucking months too long. Ana wraps her legs around his waist, tugging him close, until his hard cock is pressed between her legs, sliding against her clit.

They both groan into each other’s mouths at the contact. Bucky brakes their hold from their hands, lining himself up, pressing into Ana. He goes slow, gentle despite how wet she is,. It’s been ten months without this, and the rush to feel each other skipped any foreplay. She breaks away from their kiss, throwing her head back and gasping quietly as he fills her, feeling every inch of him. He slips his left arm under her waist, holding her close and locking her there, as he takes her right hand away from her own, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

A soft nip to her neck makes Ana move her head back, meeting Bucky’s blue-eyed gaze. His eyes are blown wide with lust, nearly hidden with the love that is shinning in them. With shaky fingers, Ana brushes his hair back, bringing him down until their foreheads touch. He smiles down at her before capturing her lips once again.

On the first thrust, Bucky keeps it tantalizingly slow and deep, already hitting that sensitive spot insider her. Ana wraps her arms around his strong back, digging her fingers into his shoulders from a mixture of pleasure and dull fleeting pain from his size. Bucky pauses, allowing them to both catch their breaths and adjust, chuckling into each other’s mouths. Ana moans into a kiss after Bucky starts again, slowly continues to roll his hips, keeping each thrust deep and perfect. 

Everything feels like it’s on fire, the air nearly sizzling around them. Warmth seeps into her skin from Bucky, igniting every one of her veins and makes her heart pound against her chest. She vaguely wonders if he can feel just how hard it’s beating for him. Ana feels their energies wrap around each other, comforting, warm; home.

Bucky presses her hips down harder, groaning as her walls flutter around his cock for a moment. At this point, he’s barely pulling back, just keeps grinding deep inside her, her clit brushing against his pubic bone. Their kiss is nothing more than open mouth panting, gasps and whimpers being swallowed down once in a while.

It’s all so overwhelming, especially when Bucky begins to whisper sweet words into her lips, into her neck when he has to duck his head down for a moment. Ana’s nails bite into the skin of his back, holding him closer than ever, their bodies fitting together as if the past ten months never happened. It feels like their first time together, though much more emotional, the distance making everything more passionate.

“Bucky,” Ana whimpers, her eyes fluttering. “Babe, please.”

Bucky kisses her fluttering pulse in her neck before reconnecting their foreheads. “I’ve got you, my love.” He murmurs, keeping his gaze locked on hers.

He pulls back further this time, snapping his hips forward, slow and hard and it’s perfect. With each small thrust, the tip of his cock brushes against that spot, making Ana’s toes curl. Bucky continues the leisurely pace, just opting for longer, harder thrusts. It causes waves of pleasure to roll through her stomach, her walls clenching around him tighter and tighter.

He thrusts once, twice, three more times, before the fire and waves crash together, sending Ana over the edge as she comes hard around his cock. She holds onto Bucky, moaning and mewling into his mouth as he kisses her again, her hand slipping from her shoulder into his damp hair. He gasps into her mouth as her walls constrict around him. He snaps his hips two more times before Bucky follows right after her.

*

They’re panting side by side, slowly coming down from their passionate love making, skin sweaty and cooling from the air around them. Ana’s heart hasn’t stopped pounding since she turned around and saw Bucky standing the lab. She feels sedated now, a bone deep satisfaction she has come to miss. She could lay in this spot forever, except that she’s still too far from Bucky, so she makes herself move.

She hooks her right leg over his thigh, rolling over to press up against his side. She wiggles around, draping her arm over his lower abs, trying to pull herself up his chest. He wraps his arm around her hips.

"What are you doing?" Bucky chuckles, breathy little sounds that make her heart flutter.

"Trying to get as close to you as possible. Keep you next to me." She says, still wiggling.

"Darling, I'm right here. It's not like I'm just going to disappear into thin air." However, he helps shift her around until she’s comfortable.  

Ana shushes him. "You never know, and I need to keep you close to me. Forever."

Bucky kisses her eyebrow. "This is real, right? I'm not dreaming again?"

She taps her thumb against his collarbone twice. "I'm real, Bucky.” She moves her hand down to the middle of his chest. “This is real."

He brushes her hair away from her temple, shifting until he’s looking her in the eyes. "Annie. Stay with me?"

Ana feels her entire body light up like the stars, and she can’t be sure if it’s just a metaphor, or if her energy is doing something to make her feel like that. Either way, she smiles softly at the man she loves with all her heart.

“Of course.”

Bucky smiles brightly at her, crinkles and all.

“My Winter Snowflake.”

*******************************************************************

A/N: Umfazi means wife in Xhosa, which is apparently one of the languages spoken in Wakanda. What Shuri explains is from the upcoming comic, Infinity War Prelude.

Previous  

**To anyone who wants to continue Bucky and Ana’s story feel free to read the Sequel: Delicate Stages of Life  Set Ten months after Delicate Stages. Looking into the life of Bucky and Ana. Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Chp 50

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language. Blood. Aftermath. Hospitals. Trauma. Some fluff, some angst. I’m sorry.

Words: 8k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9

A scorching hot sensation pulls Bucky back from the darkness of his mind. His eyes snap open. An excruciating amount of pain ignites his left side, so horrible, he dazedly wonders if it's truly happening. He grits his teeth, slowly turning his head to peer at his left arm.

A flash of bright crimson against pure white snow stabs through his mind as he stares at nothing. His entire arm is gone; just a broken, shredded stump of what remains. The frays glow orange and red, radiating through every nerve, down to his bones. He wants to rip it off, wants to claw away the rest of his shoulder but he can't. It's stuck, burning and attached to his body. His chest hurts. His stomach churns dangerously. A thought abruptly occurs to him.

Ana. Where is Ana?

Once Bucky swallows the bile rising up his throat, he slowly shifts from his back to his right side. He squints, a brilliant light stands next to him, in the form of Ana. Gold light. Bright. Powerful. Glowing. She’s glowing. Every inch of her skin emits golden bluish rays. It burns brighter in her hands, a solid beam of energy shooting from her palms. 

Heated air surrounds them, sizzles and crackles, snapping vigorously. Bucky blinks away his blurry vision, inhales slowly through his nose, exhales through his mouth. He tries to regain his senses, other than feeling agony radiating from his shoulder.

Through the bars of the railing from the platform, he spots the place where Erik Woods once stood, encased in the same light coming from Ana. Woods is now on the ground, motionless, appears lifeless. With an abrupt realization, Bucky knows what is happening. Ana is draining Erik's life force from his body; she doesn’t seem to realizes what she’s doing. Her body is stiff, her muscles rigid, her face set with in goal in mind. Her eyes glitter gold. There’s no end in sight.

The illuminating glow is fading away from the bottom of her ankles, slowly crawling up her legs. Bucky immediately guesses what the diminishing light entails, and he can’t - it can’t be- he can’t lose Ana. He can’t allow her to finish killing Woods- draining his life- and he can’t allow her to do it by accidentally killing herself. Bucky reaches out, his arm shaking violently from his own trauma. 

The closest part of her he can touch is her calf, his fingers gently grazing over her jeans. He can’t hold his arm up anymore, though it was enough to cease all power, the light cut off. Ana sways for a split second before she crumples to the ground like a puppet cut from strings.

Terror seizes Bucky’s heart. Ana’s skin is stark white, her eyes closed. She isn’t moving. Doesn’t even looks like she’s breathing. Two thick streams of blood escape from her nose, running down her face, the side of her cheek. No. No, no no no, this can’t be happening. She can’t be-

With one more ounce of strength, ignoring every single inch of him on fire, Bucky lifts his hand. His fingers caress her pale lips, trembling against her split lip. Ana cracks her eyes open, just two narrow slits, staring nearly lifeless at him.

"Stay with me.” He pleads desperately as his voice breaks.

Her eyes fall shut.

No. No! This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. The brightest thing in his dark world, the love of his life, can not be taken away from him. His hand is slowly being covered in her blood as he continues to trace her face, trying to wipe away the blood. Her skin is ice cold. He moves his fingers to her neck, dark bruises in the shape of fingers mar her delicate skin. Bucky doesn't feel a pulse. He doesn’t hear her heartbeat.

He doesn't realize he is screaming until something heavy grips his shoulder.

"Barnes! Bucky! Let me take her! I have to take her!"

Suddenly Ana is being lifted into red metallic arms before it takes off. Bucky follows the jets with his watery eyes, finally putting it together. Iron Man is flying Ana up to the jet. It's enough motivation to push himself up, just as someone else lands next to him. He doesn't pay any attention to them, just attempts to stand on unsteady feet, ignoring the waves of nausea crashing over him. It's not from physical pain.

"Shit, man. Let's get you up there."

The familiar voice makes Bucky finally look at the person. Sam holds his arm out, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Bucky relents gratefully, tightly grabs onto Sam's forearm. Then they're shooting up into the air, it only taking several seconds to reach the jet. Once inside, Bucky stumbles to where Agent Hill points at. He ignores every warning, every person trying to hold him back as he makes his way to the medical table where Ana lays.

Two medical personal surround her, quickly working to help. Bucky barely makes it to Ana's side, his fingers brushing over her cold knuckles, before his world goes black once more.

***

Silence stretches on for days. 

The days are long, the nights longer. Tension fills the muted air, heavy, cold. Hovers over the floor, between spaces, attaches to the ceiling, lingers in windows like droplets of despair. On the final day of absolute silence, it begins to break. The wind weaves between the trees of the forest; it isn't the only sound that shatters the quiet. The dry leaves on the ground rustle. The second hand in a clock ticks. The nervous tapping spells out a rhythm. The soft thud of a rubber sole against tile. The soft beeps of a machine echo hauntingly through a room. The shuffle of movement in the distance. A hiss of fabric. A faint inhale. A low exhale.

Something begins to feel heavy, weighed down. Something begins to itch; sticky, crawling sensations. Something akin to ice begins to settle. Something like the rush of waves begin to gain clarity. Something begins to feel soft, repeated slow movements. Something flutters against a surface.

Lashes stick together. Eyes slowly open. Bright light nearly burns the retinas. A reflexive wince. A dry lump is swallowed. Stiff fingers twitch against cotton. Dull aches throb from different places. A deep inhale causes bones to protest. Pain erupts from a lower source, muscles spasm trying to accommodate injury. A tongue appears to wet dry lips.

Ana fully opens her eyes. She stares at lights that are too bright on the ceiling. Her eyes shift around what she can see of her surroundings. It isn't much, she doesn't think she can move her body yet. Everything hurts. Everything aches. A deep exhaustion is laced within her bone marrow and Ana thinks maybe she could just close her eyes and sleep forever. She doesn't, because she's utterly confused.

The last thing she can remember, when she racks through her muddled brain, is a being shielded by something. Something that protected her from a direct hit of...what? A direct hit of what? Who stopped whatever it was? Who protected her by putting their own life in harms way? Was it their own life they risked, or did Ana make that up in her mind? She can't recall.

She allows her eyes to flutter shut again, attempting to recall what had happened. She remembers light. Bright, bluish gold light. She sees a flash of sliver, gleaming as it thrust in front of her. She sees a chaotic whirl of colors. She sees the black of the ground her face was pressed to. She sees someone stagger as they try to right themselves. She sees what the flash of silver was, suddenly gone, seared with glowing embers. She sees agony on a stunned face. She sees Bucky fall to the ground.

Bucky. It was all Bucky.

A sharp gasp of air coincides with her eyes opening. She forces herself to look to her right, the space is empty. She slowly turns her head to the left. There, with his head pillowed on his arm, is Bucky. There's a slight furrow to his brow, as if he is deciphering whether he heard her gasp or not. He picks his head up a little, eyelids blinking slowly like he just woke up. It takes a moment, but clarity brightens his blue eyes.

"Oh my god." He breathes, relief sagging his body. "Ana."

He has dark bags under his eyes. His skin looks pale, clammy. His red lips are raw and bitten, trembling just slightly. His hair is messy, strands sticking out oddly. It's as if he kept pulling at the roots from stress. He looks every bit of beautiful as Ana always thought he did.

"Hi…Snowflake." Ana murmurs, voice raspy, her lips twitching with a smile.

Bucky chuckles wetly through his nose. "Hi, doll face."

He dips down to press a gentle kiss to her left shoulder. She hadn't noticed her arm is in a sling. When she looks back up from the sling, Bucky has his face pressed into the bed. Ana wants to move her hands, but her left is currently confined and when she picks up her right hand, something tugs at her skin. She doesn't have to look to know it's an IV needle. She ignores it, because Bucky is shaking. She startles with realization; his arm is missing.

"I'm so happy you're awake." He mutters into the bed. His voice is raw yet thick with tears.

Screw it. Ana moves her hand across her body to gently run her fingers through his hair. When he peaks up at her, his eyes are wet and bloodshot, several tears escaping. Ana’s heart clenches.

"Bucky."

He shakes his head, taking hold of her hand, minding the IV. "I honestly thought...I couldn't bring myself to believe...you're awake." He presses his trembling lips against her knuckles.

"I'm alright." She promises gently. "I'm right here."

"I almost lost you." He whispers, his voice cracking on the last word. His fingers tremble in her hand.

Ana gently squeezes his hand before she moves hers up to wipe away another tear that's falling down his scruffy cheek. "What about you? Your arm-"

"Don't worry about me, Ana." Bucky picks his head up, a small disbelieving smile on his lips. "How are you feeling?"

 She inhales slowly. "Sore. Exhausted." Her throat is so dry and itchy.

"Are you in a lot of pain, love? The nurse was just in here, but I can call her again."

The concern etched on his face makes Ana want to lie to him. Or at least half lie. She's in a whole bunch of pain now that she's fully aware. She's still trying to ignore the sharp stinging pain in her knee, doesn't even want to move her leg because she's afraid she might scream. It hurts to breath, a dull pounding isolated to a spot on her stomach. Her left shoulder aches, and she knows enough that she had been shot; twice.

"It's tolerable." She evades.

Bucky stares at her for a beat, then he leans over to hit the call button. Ana fixates on the little black sleeve cap covering the stump of his left shoulder. If she asks about it, she knows he'll lie just as well. However, Ana saw it. She saw the excruciating pain Bucky was in before he passed out.

"What happened, Bucky?" Ana asks instead. She's still a little fuzzy on the details.

Bucky shifts his chair closer, leans over to softly kiss her temple. "What do you remember?"

"You jumped in front of me. You idiot." She sighs fondly.

"I will be an idiot everyday if it meant protecting you."

"And sappy." Her heart swells as she says it.

"Because I love you." He leans over again, this time pressing his lips tenderly against hers. It makes her heart flutter and for a moment she forgets any pain. "So much, Ana."

An onslaught of emotions abruptly crashes over her. Ana doesn't know if it's the drugs or the look in Bucky's incredible blue eyes, but she begins to cry. It starts off with one tear after the other, slipping from the corners of her eyes, sliding down her temples. Bucky frowns, eyebrows knitting together with concern. He lifts his fingers, keeping his touch delicate as he brushes her bruised skin. He wipes away the tears with his thumb, and the tender, loving touch rips a sob from her throat.

"Annie," He breathes, his tone absolutely heart wrenching.

It breaks her. Ana sobs. Every inch of her body hurts. Her stomach and shoulder throb from bullet wounds, one of which she can't even remember. It feels like hot needles are stabbing into her knee, something wrapped tight around it. Her lip and cheek ache, her neck feels tender. 

Her throat is parched, either from lack of liquid or the hand crushing against her windpipe twice. She has no idea how long she has been lying in this bed, but she does realize how close she was to losing her own life. To losing Bucky.

Bucky makes soothing, hushing sounds, pressing his forehead against her temple. She attempts to calm her breathing because every heaving sob shakes her body, and pulls at the hole in her stomach. Her mind is jumbled with fragmented imagines, ones she can't piece together quiet yet, but the last thing she clearly remembers is Bucky. Just inches of his metal arm remained, glowing bright orange and red, the smell of singed metal filling her nose. It was terrifying, watching him drop to the floor and not moving, not getting up.

She may have just scolded him for protecting her, but in reality, he saved her life, and it cost him his arm, and nearly his own life. Bucky has been protecting her from the moment he came into her life. Ana couldn't even protect him from Hydra, she couldn’t protect him against the trigger words. They almost dragged him back, all because they were after her.

"Ana, baby. It's okay. You're okay." Bucky coos softly, still wiping at her tears. "You're with me, you're safe now. I swear it.”

She shakes her head. "I-I'm so s-sorry."

"Hey now, pretty, none of that. None of this was your fault. Shhh, it's okay, sweetheart."

The door opens during that moment, a nurse calmly entering the room. Ana tries to regain control over herself, her cries reaching a level of hyperventilation.

"Breathe, Annie, breathe. I've got you, you're safe." Bucky coaches, his voice incredibly soft. “I have you, my love. You’re safe with me. Just breathe.”

Following his soothing voice, his instructions, Ana starts to copy his own breathing patterns. She begins noting the details of his face, like she hasn't already memorized every little inch. From the little freckle on his forehead, to his dark stormy blue eyes, streaked with red lines. His lips are a dark pink, slightly cracked from being chewed on. His beard has grown a tad thicker, though the warmth of his skin is lacking, worn; he looks every bit of his true age. His brown hair falls by the corners of his eyes, hiding the spot where the crinkles appear when he smiles. He's not smiling now. Ana wishes to sear Bucky’s face into her memory forever.

Something begins to trickle into her veins, and she briefly thinks it's Erik Woods injecting her once more. In a surge of panic, she looks over at the nurse, just finishing up twisting the IV caps back on. The monitor next to her picks up speed in time with her racing heart, the beeping growing frantic. The nurse smiles gently at her, lightly tapping the plastic bag.

"It's just morphine." She kindly informs. Her eyes then shift to Bucky. "I just upped her dose, it should work a little faster this round."

Ana turns to Bucky, who is already gazing at her.

"You're in a lot of pain, baby?" He questions, probably already knows the answer.

She's too tired to lie, so she dips her head a fraction. She wants to stay awake though, doesn't want to miss another second sleeping. She mumbles this much to Bucky, his thumb never ceasing swiping over her cheek.

"I'll be right here when you wake up, Ana. I promise." He whispers, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

Her eyes flutter, the drug beginning to take over her system. Ana swallows, attempting to lift her hand but it’s too heavy. She's still so confused. She doesn't know what happened after Bucky protected her, she doesn't know how she got to this strange hospital. She doesn't know if anyone else is alright, or if someone has captured Woods.

All she knows is that Bucky is next to her, seemingly healthy and uninjured despite his missing arm. He's sitting right next to her, touching her, whispering sweet words of love, smiling and kissing her softly. The last thing Ana sees before her heavy lids close, is Bucky's blue eyes, shinning with relief.

***

The next time Ana wakes up, she hears Bucky's low drawl, rough and crackling like he hasn't touched water in days. He's speaking to someone, so Ana opens her eyes, turning her head towards his voice. Her heart swells, tears blur her vision and she's just so frustrated because she's been in a hospital before, healing from life threatening cuts. She's been in pain before, but for some reason, this time feels different.

"Pep." Ana exhales.

Pepper whirls around, immediately pulling up a chair to sit next to the bed. "Oh, Buggy!”

God, Pepper sounds like she hasn't stopped crying. Her eyes are swollen, just like Bucky's were, and her usual kept hair, is frizzy, out of place from her low ponytail. She gently grabs her right hand, squeezing her fingers.

"I'll give you two sometime." Bucky offers, grabbing his jacket and swinging it over his shoulder to cover his left side.

"No, stay." Ana pleads, attempting to sit up. At least, she thinks she tries. Pepper places her hand on her uninjured shoulder.

"Hey, hey, sweetheart," Bucky gently reprimands. He moves closer to place a kiss on her hair. "I'll be right back, promise. Don't move too much, you'll tear your stitches. I'm just going to find some coffee that doesn't taste like shit."

His comment makes her chuckle, but the movement of her stomach hurts. Pain stabs through her body, so Ana just opts to smile. She nods as he trails his fingers down her jaw. He kisses her head once more, then exits the room, softly closing the door behind him.

"You know," Pepper starts, her voice soft and fond. "That man is completely gone for you."

"It's mutual." Ana says, wincing as she shifts. Something is cool on the back of her hand and when she looks, a shiny diamond gleams back at her. "Pepper...is that a ring?"

She smiles shyly, then shakes her head. "I'll tell you about that later. How are you feeling? I mean, I know you aren't feeling good at all, and what happened sucks. I was worried sick, I-"

Her cousin cuts herself off, but Ana wouldn't mind her rambling on. She just wants to hear her comforting voice. The voice of one of the few family members she has left, and one of the only members she's close to. Pepper is crying, and Ana quickly figures there's going to be a lot of tears shed, if they haven't been already.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes to Pepper. "I don't know how this happened. I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, honey, don't blame yourself." Pepper begins rubbing soothing strokes up and down her arm.

"Tell me please, Pep. When did he ask you?"

"A week and a half ago."

"A week and-" Ana shakes her head, ridding the rest of the fogginess from the drugs away. She must've heard wrong. "What?"

Pepper's eyes shift to the screen displaying her vitals, then back to Ana. "You've been here for ten days, Ana."

Ana breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to process that information. Ten days. She's been lying unconscious in a hospital for ten days. "What happened?"

"I tried calling you the moment after Tony asked. You didn't answer. I called three times, that's when Tony got an alert from FRIDAY, said you and Bucky were taken."

Before Pepper can continue, there's a soft knock on the door as it opens. Tony's face pops through the small gap, checking before he comes in. He's wearing a Black Sabbath shirt that is wrinkled in certain spots, and worn out jeans. Judging by their appearances, no one looks like they've slept well, if at all.

"If you could refrain from that ever happening again, I'd appreciate it." Tony quips, pulling another chair around to sit in.

"I'll try to schedule my next kidnapping around your convince." She banters back, smiling and ignoring the ache in her lip. "Want to fill in the rest for me?"

Tony gently pats her forearm, then he gives her a rundown of what happened. He informs her after she activated FRIDAY, the AI sent a signal to the bracelet that embedded the mini tracker into her wrist. FRIDAY then sent a distress call out to Tony and the rest of the team. Steve had arrived first, finding Max Cullbury and Jared Sharp. Apparently, Agent Sharp figured out something was wrong when Max wasn't in the Lab. Both men were the first to get there trying to stop it. All according to Agent Cullbury. Agent Sharp was shot, and remains in critical condition.

Ana doesn't know how to process that last part, conflicted is one word that comes to mind. Her brother's ex boyfriend, who has hated her and blamed her for years, tried coming to -not only hers but Bucky's- rescue and was shot in the process. She has to sit up at this point, so Pepper carefully presses the button that raises the top half of the bed. With the help of Tony, Ana slowly and carefully adjusts herself, minding the gunshot wound in her stomach, and keeping her right leg as steady as she can.

Tony continues to recap the events several days ago. Nick Fury had called for every single person working within the facility to be interrogated and screened once again. They apprehended anyone who seem even remotely suspicious, which ended up being eleven other people. Wanda had offered her services in retaliation of her anger and fear for her friends, she had no qualms about tapping into Hydra agents minds. Security protocol has changed as well, and Tony lets a tiny bit of his own guilt slip in there.

"Tony." Ana stops him before he can continue. Her own guilt and Bucky's is enough to fill the Atlantic ocean, she doesn't need anyone else feeling the same way. "Your defense bracelet is what saved us in the end. If it weren't for that, for the tracker, we might still be there."

Tony clears his throat as Pepper lays a comforting hand on his arm. "Right. Good on it then."

He doesn't fool Ana. She notices the bags under his eyes, spots the tick he does with his mouth when he has been incredibly worried about someone. He doesn't make eye contact with her for the next 30 seconds, focusing on picking a thread from the blanket laid over her.

"Sorry about your knee, by the way. I should've-"

"Seriously, Stark. Stop it. You wouldn’t have guessed that would happen ."

Finally, Tony meets her gaze. "Erik Woods is in critical condition."

Ana swallows thickly, her knee throbbing, abruptly aware of every single bullet hole, cut and bruise on her body. She grips the blanket, bundling the fabric in her fists. . 

"He's in a high security facility being watch around the clock with armed guards. He is no longer a threat." Then, Tony smirks. "Rogers and Wilson had to stop Barnes from tracking him down and ripping out his throat. Or, I'm sorry, that's my phrase. I believe his was “rip every single bone from his body for hurting my girl”. I almost allowed him to do it."

Ana's heart skips a beat at my girl, and she has to bite her lip to keep from reacting. Until she winces at the still healing cut on her lip. Both Pepper and Tony roll their eyes are her reaction, but deep down, she can't figure out if she's glad Bucky was stopped, or if she's disappointed. It raises her next question.

"Why is Woods in critical condition?" She inquires knowingly.

Tony takes a few moments to answer, placing his hand over Pepper's. "Because you are incredibly powerful. And for same reason you were." He informs gravely. "After Barnes went down, you drained Woods' energy. He shot you in retaliation, but it didn't stop you, Ana. You kept going, until Bucky somehow stopped you. It drained your own in return. I thought-"

He clears his throat, shifting in his seat. "I flew you to the jet. You weren't breathing by the time I got up there. It was only for a few moments. Luckily the team of medics we brought with us were able to get you breathing...started your heart again."

"You were in the ICU for nine days, Ana. In a coma for three of those." Pepper whispers, a single tear falling from her left eye.

Ana just blinks at them. She didn’t know her heart had stopped beating. "Fuck."

They both nod. Tony reaches out and hooks his index finger over Ana's pinkie. "Thought you were gone there for a moment, kid."

She doesn't even react to his nickname. She can barely react at all. It's so much to take in. She nearly killed Erik Woods by draining his life energy and in return...almost killed herself? Jared and Max came to their rescue and couldn't stop it and now Jared in the one fighting for his life. Bucky's arm was blasted off because he protected Ana, jumped in front of her risking his own damn life for hers. She nearly died protecting Bucky. She did die; if only for a minute or two. Pepper pulls her out of her reeling thoughts.

"Bucky was going insane," She tells her. "I lied to the staff, said that he's your fiancé and gave him my family pass. He hasn't left your side until now."

Ana is indescribably speechless. From remembering Bucky being triggered, to watching him sacrifice himself, to her waking up in the hospital. She's suddenly so, so tired, her eyelids growing heavy. She will swear it's the drugs and her own exhaustion, and not the fact that all information may has led her to passing out. She doesn't fight it off, just lets it come and take over her body, being pulled into unconsciousness yet again.

When Ana wakes up the third time, she's surrounded by people, but her eyes frantically seek out Bucky. He's there, standing back and in the far corner. A light chatter is fills the room, voices reserved until Ana shifts, alerting everyone that she's awake. She lifts her hand, accidentally ripping someone else's grip from hers, and reaches towards Bucky.

He grins softly, because he has probably been watching her the entire time, and pushes himself off the wall. The person holding her hand before, Wanda, she finally acknowledges, scoots back to make room for him to sit on the bed. When he does, Ana places her hand on his jaw and Bucky turns his head to kiss her palm. It makes her heart flutter.

"You look exhausted." She tells him softly, stroking her thumb over his scruffy cheek.

"I'm fine, baby." He reassures her, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Do you need anything? Water? The nurse? Are you hungry? You must be hungry. I smuggled in a jar of Nutella. I would've brought pizza but I'm not sure-"

"Bucky, darling." Ana coos, tugging his face closer. "I love you." She presses a chaste kiss to his lips.

"I love you." He breathes against her mouth.

When they break apart, she finds Bucky's right hand, interlocking their fingers together, then surveys the room. Steve is sitting next to her bed, smiling down at his hands. Natasha is stands behind him, arms crossed and a slight look of concern on her face. Clint is next to her, resting his arm on her shoulder. He smirks and nods, then goes back to chatting with Sam, who looks even more concerned before giving his attention back to Clint.

Wanda appears as if she hasn't slept for days, and she might even give Bucky a run for his record. She's holding a paper cup of something that doesn't smell like coffee, she lifts it with a shaky hand. Ana is abruptly overwhelmed with everyone surrounding her, and she is grateful for the friends she has. Extremely grateful for the man holding her hand, lifting her knuckles to his lips.

***

They keep Ana in the hospital for another two days, double checking her wounds and vitals. The doctor just wants to make sure she feels comfortable enough to go home, and gives her instructions on what to do if she feels off in anyway. Her stitches are clean, no sign of infection, and her arm only had to stay in the sling for another three days. He does tell her that she can't lift, or workout or do anything strenuous for eight weeks, and to keep to the strict diet until her abdomen heals.

They also discuss the option of another knee surgery. Since the doctors had to perform one to remove the Stark rods, and that alone will leave Ana in a wheelchair until her shoulder is healed enough to use crutches. She has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming in anger. She's just so fucking mad this happened, and on several occasions, wishes death upon Woods.

When Ana finally goes home, she snuggles up to Bucky the best she can, in the less painful way she can. She sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps, until Bucky has to wake her up a few times. The first time is so she can take her medications. The second is so she can eat, even if she isn't that hungry. The third is to make sure she's doing okay.

"Bucky, babe, please let me sleep, for the love of everything holy." She grumbles petulant, pressing her face into his neck.

"Just making sure you're real, Annie." He whispers, voice breaking.

Ana opens her eyes. She understands it, she does. Because sometimes she'll wake up on her own, has to make sure Bucky is breathing, alive and next to her. She often thinks about how both of their worst nightmares had come true, or nearly came true. To make sure they're both real and in front of each other, they press their palms over each other’s hearts.

Bucky will tap his thumb twice against her collarbone, then he'll press his face into the joint of her jaw. He'll inhale, says she smells a little like the hospital still and can't wait for her to smell like flowers in the rain again. He'll drag his nose behind her ear and tells her-

"Can't wait for you to smell like me, too."

Then he'll press the lightest kiss against her pulse racing in her neck. He'll trail his hand down her body, dipping over her curves, tracing his fingers over tattoos and the scars on her back, then her wrist. Finally, he says-

"Doll face."

Ana will grab a strand of his long hair and tug, harshly so she can see his fake expression of pain. It's one her ways of knowing he's just as real. She'll trace his strong jawline, feeling the texture of his soft facial hair beneath her fingertips. She traces over his pouty red lips, down his neck, also kissing his pulse point, and places her hand over the stump of metal. Then she'll kiss the middle of his chest, feeling his heart pickup.

"Winter Flurry."

He rarely leaves her side, though she has no problem with that. Even when the others filter in and out of her room, Bucky stays by her side, unless he goes to get them food or drinks or to the bathroom. Ana finds out just how worried and scared everyone was when she begins to sense their energies again. It isn't bad, just something she can feel, like a faint breeze along her skin. It's when they leave at the end of the night, that Bucky confesses something.

"You know," He begins, the pads of his fingers gently scratching her scalp. "I honestly thought I lost you, that he took you from me. I was so fucking terrified, Ana. I didn't know what to do with myself."

"I thought I lost you too." She admits, gripping his shirt. "When he shot your arm off, I was so scared. Bucky, I thought...I thought he hit your chest, because you just..." She doesn't finish.

They remain silent, just holding onto each other, hurt, broken and bruised, but alive and together.

***

The soft moments only last a week. Something has been weighing on Bucky's mind, she can tell.

After six days, Ana feels like she can use her arm again, so she pretends to kick the wheelchair away as she sits on the bed of the medical ward. Janice is checking her vitals, after she cried in relief. Tony is there, currently fitting a highly advanced orthotic piece to her leg. The specially designed knee brace begin at her mid thigh, straps over and under her knee, and ends around her calf.

"You're sure you don't want another surgery?" He questions, making last second adjustments to the lateral and medial stabilizers.

"I'm sure. Knee surgery in intensive, and I've had enough fill of pain for one month, thank you." Ana lifts her eyes from Tony's working hands. She spots Bucky with his jacket on, talking with Sharon and Steve, both of whom are holding hands. "Is there anything you can do for his arm?"

"I offered." Tony answers her, leaning back. "He refused every offer.”

She gets it, she understands. Bucky doesn't want anything to do with a robotic arm. He doesn't have to say it, but Ana understands.

Bucky voices his thoughts after that.

*

"Bucky. No. Please, don't do this." Physical pain isn't enough. Bucky has to go and voice his idea of what he wants to do. It's breaking Ana's heart.

"I'm so sorry, love." Bucky coos sorrowfully, "but I can't risk Hydra finding you. I can't allow something like that to ever happen to you again, and if they get wind of what Erik Woods was trying to do...they'll use us against each other and I can’t. I can't risk that, Ana."

"But you came out of it." She sniffs miserably, tears falling from her eyes. Deep down, Ana knows he's right.

Bucky wipes her tears away, but his own betray him. "I'm guessing they have another chair. If there's even the slightest possibility it can be used, and I'm still triggered, they will send me after you. When Woods tried, it was barely on before you stopped it, but I was still confused. You called out to me before he finished the phrase, Annie, and it helped. Everything that you have done helped me find my way back to you. Unfortunately it didn't stop me from attacking, from trying to follow those commands."

"You protected me, you broke out of it and you shot him. Not me."

"It's too risky."

Ana scoots away from him to the furthest corner of her bed, accidently disturbing Ezra. He just blinks in annoyance, then moves closer to Bucky, because that fickle cat would take his side on this.

"Are you angry?" Bucky asks her, his tone suddenly controlled.

"Yes. No." She sighs, falling backwards. Which tends to be a mistake and jars her gun wounds. "Ow."

Bucky leans over her face, his expression torn.

"I want to be mad, I really would love to just yell and get angry-"

"The doctor told you no strenuous activities, that includes throwing things at me. As much as I love it."

Ana tugs his hair. "You know that meant no sex as well, right?"

"Would you really have sex with me right now, as angry as you are, even though you're trying you hardest to hide it?"

She narrows her eyes at him because he knows her so well. "Where are you thinking of going?"

He smiles dejectedly. "You know I won't be able to tell you, darling."

*

They continue to bicker about it for another day, until Steve backs up his best friend. He makes Ana see and understand the logic behind it. Tells her it's all for her safety and Bucky's mental stability because he nearly tore Erik Woods apart. She very nearly voices that she wouldn't have minded that, and Ana herself had fleeting dark thoughts of killing Hydra agents as well. She ends up finally relenting with Bucky's plan. It doesn't mean she's happy about it.

"Steve." Ana speaks airily. "You see that bowl of plums over there?"

"Goddamnit." Bucky mutters.

"Yes." Steve smirks, already getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen.

"Please throw at least five of them at him, would you. It's an important part of my healing process."

To his credit, Bucky doesn't even block the fruit as it pelts him all in the chest. He just sighs exasperatingly, grabs one of the plums and bites into it. Then he offers the fruit to Ana.

“I love you but that doesn’t mean I’m not pissed as hell,” She reminds him.

Bucky’s answer is wrapping his arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. Ana still melts into to him.

***

“You’re absolutely sure about this?”

“I told you, I just don't think I can trust my own mind yet. It almost worked. I could’ve hurt her. I could’ve killed her.”

Ana scoffs, rolling her eyes. She probably isn’t meant to hear either of them as she leans against Sam's car, but she does, and she’s fed up, angry, and upset. She tried to keep her anger over the plan at bay, but she can't because it's real and it's happening right now. She is extremely upset, because she's still in a little pain, and her knee throbs in the brace, and her heart is about to shatter. She pushes herself off the car and limps right over to Steve and Bucky.

“But you didn’t!” She reminds Bucky fiercely. “In fact, Woods almost killed me himself.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” Bucky counters, reaching for her hand. "What if I shot you instead?"

Ana pulls it back quickly. “This is fucking bullshit!"

“I’ll give you two some time.” Steve flinches, then hurries away towards the small car.

“Annie-“

“No. No. Don’t. I-“

Bucky cups her jaw, bring her forward and kisses her. He keeps his lips firm, moving against hers and Ana feels her anger melt away, along with her spine. She kisses him back, tangling her fingers in his hair, and resting her other hand on the metal base of the stump. She pulls back to press her forehead against his.

“I’m so sorry I failed you.” She murmurs, tears burning her eyes. That's her confession, the true reason she's upset. “I failed you.”

“Hey,” Bucky leans back, trying to make eye contact, she doesn’t look. “Ana, you didn’t- look at me, darling. You did not fail me. Not at all."

She shakes her head, a single tear betraying her and falling down her cheek. “It didn’t work. Deprogramming, it didn't-”

“Yes, yes it did. Everything you have done, worked. I was only able to save you because you helped me take control of my mind. I was only able to fight through it because of you.”

“Not completely, isn't that the problem here? That’s where-“

“You did not fail me. Please, please don’t blame yourself for this. I'm doing this for security. I have to take every precaution."

Ana pulls him back down by his neck, kissing him twice. “How long?” She whimpers against his mouth.

“I’m not sure,” Bucky frowns when he pulls back. “Until I can find a way to fix everything inside my head. I was still somewhat triggered. I can’t take any more chances with hurting you, and any enemy of ours will know we’re each other’s weaknesses and strength. I can’t risk someone else using that against you again.”

He kisses her forehead. “Promise me something, Ana. Don’t wait for me.”

“No.” Ana refuses firmly. “I will wait for you and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s no one else I want. Idiot.”

He chuckles despite himself. “I had to try.”

She scoffs, tugging his hair. Ana rests her head on his chest, fighting back the urge to sob. Bucky hugs her tightly with his arm, and even though he only has one at the moment, it’s the strongest hug she’s ever had. There’s a short honk to their side, signaling they have to get going soon. Bucky lifts his arm, but Ana doesn’t see what he does; more than likely he flicked them off. She pulls back when he gazes at her. She brushes his hair back, tracing her fingers along his jaw. She taps her index finger on his lips.

“Come back to me.” She quietly requests.

His eyes soften, crinkling at the corners with a private grin. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I’ll make you a deal.” Ana bargains.

“Over the Nutella?”

She pokes his dimpled chin. “You come back to me, and I promise I won’t blame myself.”

“That sounds like a good deal.”

Bucky leans down to kiss her again, deep and slow, keeping his hand firmly against her cheek. Ana allows him to kiss her like that, as if it’s just the two of them, even though Steve and Sam are probably witnessing this. Her heart pounds painfully in her chest and when she places her hand against Bucky’s, his heart beat matches.

“I love you,” He murmurs against her lips, brushing their noses together. “Very much. Don’t ever forget that.”

“You don’t forget how much I love you either.” Ana whispers. “And I do. Love you.”

“I have to go now.” Bucky tells her, frowning with wet eyes. A tear escapes his left eye.

Ana wipes it away. “I know.”

She meets him halfway for their last kiss, this one filled with love, a little bit of pain, but with a sense of hope. His energy wraps around her one last time, a rueful comfort and goodbye all at once. His tongue slides against hers and Ana is going to miss the way his tongue curls in her mouth and makes her knees weak. They kiss like that for several moments before it slows down, turning into short, but sweet pecks. Bucky kisses her once, twice and on the third kiss, he pulls away, nearly taking Ana with him.

She watches as Bucky heads toward the waiting car and opens the door. He looks back at her and smirks, though it’s not up to par of his usual one. He leans into the car then back out, suddenly tossing something to her. It flips through the air before Ana catches it with both hands. It’s a small jar of Nutella, causing her to laugh, ending with her lips trembling.

Bucky waves his hand, giving her one last smile, then gets into the car. The door closes, and just like that, Steve is pulling away, driving Bucky right out of her life. Ana follows, taking one, two, three, four, steps and breaking into a slight jog, ignoring the pain in her knee, stopping once the car is far enough away and out of sight. She tries to swallow the sob caught in her throat, pulling herself together as she walks back towards Sam in the other car.

He doesn’t say anything once she gets seated and buckled. Ana stares down at the small jar of hazelnut chocolate spread, tears filling her eyes. It’s going to be a long, painful road of waiting, and she doesn’t remember how she was living before Bucky came into her life. A few tears escape, landing on her hands.

“I’m turning the music up on this road trip, I hope you don’t mind.” Sam informs, and the music growing louder by the second.

Ana smiles because she knows exactly what he’s doing. She nods and looks out the window as he starts driving, a sob finally escaping her mouth. She cries hard for a few minutes, just watching the scenery go by with blurred vision. Sam reaches out once, offering a comforting squeeze to her arm. Finally, after several songs play, Ana wipes her tears away for now. Then, she decides to change the music. 

“We’re listening to something else.” She tells Sam, then switches out the CD from Earth, Wind, and Fire to Queen.

“Did you just-“ Sam begins indignantly, glancing over at her.

“Pay attention, Wilson. You’re driving.” Ana only knows he allows her to change the music because her focus is on him now, instead of the broken heart in her chest.

She knows this is what Bucky wanted, she understands all the logic behind it. The capture and events had plagued Bucky's mind every night and even though she slept next to him, he couldn't seem to do the same; Ana felt it eating away at him. She knows Bucky wants to heal completely and fully, and he refuses to take anymore of Ana's own energy, despite how powerful she had proven herself to be. 

Ana understands. All she wants is the absolute best for Bucky, and if finding an alternative option is the way to erase the triggers completely, then so be it. She will wait from him to come back to her, however long it takes.

***

"Stevie, please. I need this." Bucky is now begging. It took nearly two hours but he finally broke.

"Fine." Steve gives in, gripping the steering wheel so hard it dents a little. "But only because of what he did to the both of you. I was fucking terrified and pissed as hell Buck, I hope you know that."

"I know, pal. I know." Bucky says solemnly. "Then you understand."

"I do."

Steve pulls up to a heavily secured building. They both get out, getting checked and scanned, and handed IDs. It's really only because of Steve that they're even allowed to enter the building. Two guards lead the way, down hallways, into elevators, and finally to the floor and room they want. Steve nods at the guards and they leave, then he sets his hard gaze on Bucky.

"You got two minutes before they come back and I come get you." He tells him.

Bucky nods curtly, then he presses the key card he was given earlier to the lock pad on the door. He pushes it open, quickly closing it behind him. The sight of Erik Woods lying on a bed, hooked up to wires and a machine will never be satisfying enough. 

Bucky walks over to the bed, the sound of soft beeping and echoes of the oxygen machine fill the small room. Bucky leans over, anger boiling in his blood, staring at the man that nearly killed Ana. Recognition flickers in his green eyes.

"You took her." Bucky snarls lowly, unadulterated hate coloring his tone. "You touched her. You broke her. You made her bleed. You almost took my girl from me. For that, I am going to make you suffer."

His eyes flick towards the machines, and he sees a little switch for the life support pump. Revenge is nearly there, sitting deliciously sweet on his tongue. He reaches over, hooking his finger over the little lever. He looks back down at Erik Woods, fear gleam in his eyes.

"This is me, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier, turning off your oxygen."

He flicks the switch down. The machine begins to beep, gets louder and faster. Erik's chest stops rising and falling. Then Bucky waits another two seconds before speaking.

"Are you in pain? Does it hurt horribly? Good." He hisses menacingly. "I want you to feel every inch of it. I want you to suffer. I want you to struggle, to feel the air leaving your lungs, feel it burning as your face turns red. That's what you did to her. That's what you put her through. This is what you deserve for Hydra harming her family. This is what you deserve for touching her.”

It would be so easy for Bucky to just walk away and let him be. To let Woods leave this world in agony, gasping for his last few breaths of air. Bucky grits his teeth, swallowing every vengeful thought.

"This is Ana." Bucky continues quietly. "Turning it back on." He switches the support back on. 

He leans over again, making sure he can see him. Erik's eyes are responsive. 

"Killing you is too easy. What's worse, is having you watch all your hard work come undone. You failed, Woods. That's worse than your death. Ana is alive. I'm alive. You failed, and you get to live knowing that fact for the next few weeks of your life. Because you will die in your failure.”

Then, Bucky leaves. He walks right out and away from the room. The man lying in pain, lying broken in the bed, no longer matters. What does matter, is finding a way to fix everything inside him, to rid the brainwashing wired in him. As much as it shatters his heart to do so, as much as it hurts him, he's doing it all for Ana. He will find some way to fix this.

Bucky will come back to his girl.

*******************************************************Previous   Epilogue

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Chp 43

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language. 18+ Explicit Content. Little bit of angst. 

Words: 5.9k+   @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01

Counting the light fixtures in the ceiling is the only thing keeping Ana from lashing out. She was snuggled all nice and warm with Bucky dozing off on her chest when another meeting was called. When she inquired about the purpose, the details were suspiciously kept from Ana, although she was not expecting the true reason. Especially from the other Avengers. She can feel the muscle twitching in her jaw, so she inhales slowly, counts five fixtures, then exhales.

"You're being stubborn." Tony intones, his voice casual. AS if this were any other conversation about the weather.

Ana holds up her fist, uses her left hand to crank an invisible handle, slowly lifting her right middle finger up. Someone snorts to her right, but she ignores it. She hears Tony huff in annoyance.

"We're just suggesting postponing the sessions for a few weeks. Just until we can find the source of the compromises."

"This is bullshit." Ana mutters, finally lowering her head and sitting up straight. "Complete and utter bullshit. We can't do that. That's taking several steps back!"

She cannot believe Tony is suggesting this. She cannot believe Steve agrees with the idea. Requesting Ana to hold off on the last three stages with Bucky is ridiculous. He's so close to finishing, to breaking through and getting control over that triggered part of his mind. Speaking of which.

Ana shifts her eyes over to Bucky, who is staring resoundingly at the table. His jaw is clenching, his shoulders are tense, and his arms are moving, as if he is ringing his hands together under the table. That alone gives away his apprehension, Ana doesn't have to sense his energy to know how he's feeling.

“Bucky," Ana address him lightly. "You’re awfully quiet, considering this is about you. This is your decision, not theirs.”

His chest expands with a silent inhale. Then he lifts his gaze up. There's a guilty gleam to his eyes that makes Ana's stomach twist. It’s a silent answer.

"I can't believe this." She scoffs, shoving her hands through her hair. "I can't believe any of you."

"It's not a bad idea, Annie." Bucky says quietly.

"Yes, yes, it is. You're doing so well, amazing, and holding it off for however long is backtracking. I don't want you to have to start over."

"I wouldn't mind." He tells her, frowning just a bit. He taps his temple with his metal fingers. "It's not- I'm still dangerous, clearly."

"No." Ana shakes her head fervently, forgetting about everyone else in the room for the moment. "We're aren't finished yet, Bucky. The Sessions are working, and you know they're working!"

"Ana-"

"Maybe we should just let you guys talk this out." Natasha interjects, reading the tension between them.

Ana abruptly stands up, nearly knocking her chair over. To his credit, Bucky doesn't react further than his eyes tightening. "No. I'm not going to listen to you blame yourself again. If that's you're only reason, then no. I'm not doing it."

Turning on her feet, Ana pushes past Steve, exiting the conference room.

***

Brisk cold air meets Ana as she shoves through the door to the roof, the sun sinking fast. She had been too focused, consumed rather, in Bucky and the session that she let the season slip away from her. Fall came quickly, the leaves of the surrounding woods a bright array of colors. Soon, it will be winter, and the trees will be covered with snow. Ana has no idea what will happen in those next few months.

Right now, she wraps her arms around her torso, trying to keep the warmth of her body in a little longer. She just needs the crisp air to clear her mind, to process that meeting. She disagrees with all of it. She knows Bucky is only going along with it because he's essentially trying to protect her from him, save her energy and heal whatever is going on with her ability, 

The door to the hallway access opens. Ana is only surprised it took Bucky this long to follow her. She doesn't want to beat around the bush though, she turns to him. Of course, the cold weather doesn't affect him, and his long hair gently flutters in the breeze. Ana pushes her own stray hairs from her face to see him clearly. Bucky is so handsome, his eyes so beautiful, but the blue of his irises are resemble a storm. The corners of his mouth are pinched and there's a small frown on his brow again.

"I know I said it's your choice, Bucky," Ana begins. "But I can't agree to this. If your only reason to push it back is because you keep blaming yourself, because you think you've hurt me, then no."

"I did hurt you!" Bucky argues vehemently, taking a few steps towards her.

"They're just bruises, Buck-"

"It could have been worse! It could have been a lot worse, and I could've..." He stops talking, staring at his hands. He clenches them into fist, his expression getting lost in what looks like a memory. "I could have-"

"Stop it!” Ana snaps, closing the distance between them and grabbing his wrists. "You wouldn't have done anything. You broke out of it Bucky, how come you keep overlooking that fact? You came back to me. Somehow, some way, you were still protecting me. There were several opportunities for you to do worse, but you didn't! You held back."

"Ana-"

"No. You listen to me, James Barnes!" She demands fiercely. "These sessions are working. You, yourself, have broken free twice. You held back from hurting me. Goddammit, Bucky, you pointed a gun at my chest but didn't shoot me!"

"No, but I shot someone else." Bucky mumbles, shaking his head, more guilt tainting the air.

"Barely. You grazed his arm because you were aware! You were fighting. Why aren't you fighting this now? Why are you so scared, even after breaking free, after coming out of it?"

Bucky yanks his hands out of her grasp, taking the steps Ana gained back. He doesn't say anything, but his nostrils flare and his chin quivers for a moment as he gathers himself again.

"You came back to me." Ana reminds him softly.

"We should postpone it." Bucky responds, his voice calm, resigned. "It's the only way-"

"To what? It's the only way to what, Bucky?"

He levels her with an expectant gaze. "You know."

Ana is going to rip out her hair because still, after all this time, Bucky isn't thinking about himself. It's sweet and so incredibly, utterly frustrating. At this point, she's surprised the power hasn't gone out again. Maybe it's because she had finally gotten enough rest, has mentally regained her control back. In that case, Bucky's reasoning's are moot.

"This isn't about me, Bucky! This is about you, I'm trying to help you!" Ana yells, finally letting out all her frustrations. She can't believe they're at this again. It's always a standstill.

"Not at the expense of yourself, Ana!" Bucky shouts back. "You've been pushing your limits way too far. Postponing is the best option right now."

Ana throws her hands up in the air. "We're never going to agree on this. I'm doing all of this to help you, because I can't continue to see how much pain you've been in. I can't have you ignoring me again for three days, and I can't just sit back and allow shit like that compromised session to happen again! The deprogramming is working, Bucky, if it wasn't you wouldn't have broken out of it. Prolonging the last three sessions is the worst thing to do right now!"

"I know you're helping." Bucky says, lowering his voice briefly. He sighs, then shakes his head like he thought of something and his angry expression is back.

"It's one of the most infuriating things about you!” He continues loudly. “You try protecting everyone else around you, you try preventing them from pain, from negative energy, but you don’t focus on yourself. You go and go until you cause enough stress to your brain that you bleed or pass out! That’s not healthy, Ana. I can't allow you to- you have to start protecting yourself!”

Exasperated, Ana asks, "Why? We both know you protect me plenty enough!"

“You’re damn right I do!"

Bucky surges forward then, grabbing her by the nape of her neck, searing their lips together. He quickly walks her backwards until he presses her against the wall of the stairwell. Ana can't help but moan into his mouth, kissing him back with just as much ferocity. His hands are at her hips, squeezing roughly, as if she might disappear any second. Bucky presses his body against hers, grinding his crotch between her legs. Heat explodes through Ana's body, her hands gripping at his shoulders, fisting his shirt between her fingers.

“I can’t lose you." Bucky growls desperately against her mouth. "I can’t.”

Ana nods, their lips sliding together, and she can barely remember what they were arguing about. All she does is push him back far enough, so she can jump up, wrapping her legs around his waist. Bucky's hands go to her thighs, holding her up effortlessly. She slides her hands into his hair, gripping at the roots and Bucky stumbles forward, supporting Ana's back with the wall once more. She tilts her head back as Bucky pulls away from her mouth, trailing his lips down her jaw, nipping at her skin.

"Can't let them take you back." Ana whispers shakily, her eyes flutter at how good Bucky feels sucking at her neck. "Want you safe."

He groans against her throat. "I know, darling. Just want you safe too."

Ana grips his hair tighter, pulling his head back until she can reach his lips once more. She licks her tongue into his mouth, his own sliding hot and slick against hers. She feels overheated, considering the air is crisp with New York's fall weather, and she should be freezing. However, when Bucky moves his right hand up her thigh and in between their bodies to press firmly against her crotch, her skin prickles with heat.

He doesn't waste any time, nor does Bucky seem to care that they're on the roof, out in the open. It reminds her of their first kiss, where Bucky kissed her like his life depended on it. Ana can feel herself becoming wet, soaking into her panties and Bucky has barely started kissing her a minute ago. It's just what he does to her, drives every single one of her nerves to the brink.

The tug of the zipper on her jeans makes her gasp. When Bucky dips his fingers under her panties, pressing against her clit, Ana whimpers into his mouth. He circles his fingers around, over and over until she’s panting. Finally, she breaks away from the kiss, dropping her head to his shoulder.

"Fuck, you're already so wet, Annie." Bucky hisses in her ear.

"You," Ana's voice hitches. "You, the wall, fuck." She breaks off to moan as Bucky dips his middle finger into her.

"You liked that, huh?"

Her mouth drops open as a silent response. She tightens her grip in his hair, and a low moan vibrates against her neck. She does it again, and suddenly Bucky is pumping two fingers now in and out of her hole. Ana cries out quietly, throwing her head again as Bucky grips her ass with his left hand.

"Gonna come for me right here, baby? Gonna come on my fingers?"

"Fuck." Ana whispers. She moves her head forward again. "That mouth of yours, Bucky, I swear."

He chuckles huskily in her ear. Ana clenches around his fingers. She kisses him again, their hot mouths fitting together like they were meant to be. There's a fast wave of her pending orgasm building up in her lower abdomen, threatening to crash over her already.

"Bucky." Ana whimpers, attempting to grind her hips down on his hand.

"I got you, Annie." He murmurs into her mouth.

He curls his fingers just right, makes Ana abruptly come undone. Her walls clench around his fingers, still thrusting in and out as she rides out her orgasm. She just pants against Bucky's lips as he slows and she comes down from her high. They don't speak for several moments, just holding each other close, Ana still pressed against the wall. Bucky slowly slips his fingers out of her, allowing Ana to drop her legs carefully.

Blinking, she tries to refocus but what Bucky does next makes her mind go fuzzy. He takes his glistening fingers into his mouth without hesitation, and the expression on his face looks like he just tastes the most decadent dessert in the world. He moans. Ana's heart kicks into over drive. She drops her to knees.

Bucky pulls his fingers out of his mouth, looking like he's about to scold her for being rough on her bad knee. However, Ana nearly rips off the button of his jeans as she undoes them, quickly pulling them down just far enough. She mouths against his hard cock over his boxers, a wet spot darkening the material. His left hand goes to her cheek as Ana leans back to take his cock out. She wastes no time, taking half of him into her mouth and hallowing out her cheeks.

"Holy fuck!" Bucky hisses, his right arm smacking against the wall to support himself.

Ana tries not to smirk, instead focusing her movements on his throbbing cock. She goes fast, can feel herself getting a little messy, bringing her hand up to twist around the base of his cock, gliding easily with her saliva. Breathing through her nose, Ana relaxes her throat, taking more of his thick cock in her mouth, and swallows. Bucky moans loudly above her, pressing his thumb against her cheek.

"Gonna come, Annie. Holy shit."

Ana just bobs her head faster, looking at Bucky from her eyelashes. He's staring down at her in awe. His red lips are parted, and there's a wrinkle his brow and his eyes are blown wide with arousal. His chest is heaving, and his hips stutter forward a bit, like he wants to fuck into her mouth, but doesn't know if he can, if he should. Maybe another day they can talk about it, but Ana can feel his balls tightening quickly, and his lower abs clench.

Dropping her eyes again, Ana prepares her throat, removes her hand and takes him down until her nose hits his skin. Her throat flutters around his cock, nearly gagging. That seems to do it for him, fast and quick. Bucky nearly shouts, and he's quick to grab her hair, somehow still gently pulling her off just a little so she can breathe. Ana obliges, taking and swallowing as much as she can. She slowly pulls back, using her hand to coax him through it.

She keeps the tip of his cock close to her lips, catching the last few drops of his come. Once he's finished, Ana kisses the underside of the head, and carefully tucks him back into his boxers. Bucky sinks to his knees as Ana gasps for a good breath of air. She smiles at him; something gleams in his eyes. He slowly brings his thumb up to her bottom lip, swiping a few drops of his come she apparently missed. Bucky slowly pushes his thumb into her mouth, and Ana licks the last remaining drops from his thumb.

Fuck, if that wasn't just the hottest thing he's done. Bucky presses their foreheads together. Who is Ana kidding, everything they've done so far has been incredibly hot. He brushes away the sweaty baby hairs from her temple, breathing out as she breathes in.

"You know," He pants, "how much I care for you, Ana. I just don't want to lose you. That scares me."

"I know," Ana exhales, rubbing her fingers along his beard. "I can't lose you either. For the same reason."

Bucky nods, his right hand trailing over her forearm. "Lets get you inside. Your skin is like ice."

Ana kisses his lips three times, before they get up on shaky legs.

*

Bucky carefully leans his chest over Ana's back, their damp skin sliding together. The slow drag of his cock when he pulls back makes her mouth fall open, and the hard thrust forward punches a little whimper out of her. She can't help the little noises falling from her lips, she has no control over what she's doing anymore. Completely giving her body over to him.

"Fuck," He exhales over her ear. "Feel so good, Annie."

Ana keens, her hand twitching against the sheets, moving it between her body and the mattress. He catches her doing so, and grabs her wrists, pinning it to mattress next to her head.

"Ah, ah." Bucky tisks. "No touching, sweetheart. Can you do that for me?"

Ana nods, words have escaped her all together. She will do anything he ask for right now. He rewards her with a soft kiss to her cheek, trails his mouth over her jaw, nipping at the back of her neck and biting at her shoulder.

"Fuck." Ana breathes, gripping the sheets.

He traces his left hand down her arm to her side, carefully sliding his arm beneath her hip bones. He stops in the middle, slipping his fingers down and over her clit. The sudden cool pressure makes Ana gasp, her breath catching in her throat. She bites her trembling lip and slowly realizes she's shaking all over. Each of his thrusts deeper than the last.

"Fucking me so good." She mumbles into the bed.

Bucky tightens his arm, holding her flush against his body, snapping his hips forward a little harder. He keeps the same infuriating slow pace, the head of his cock hitting that spot perfectly with each thrust. Ana tries turning her head again, lifting her chin up because she needs to kiss him. Needs to have his surprisingly filthy mouth on hers.

She's beginning to feel overwhelmed in the greatest way, and she needs his lips to keep her grounded. He thankfully notices this, biting rather harshly at the back of her neck before he captures her lips in a tender kiss. Everything about this man is a contraindication; hard, muscular body, soft slow hands. Sharp teeth and gentle lips. Dirty words spoken like secrets in her ear.

Ana brings her right hand up to the back of Bucky's head, tugging at the roots of his hair. It causes a low growl to emit from his throat, and his thrusts picks up a notch. His metal fingers slide wetly against her clit, the rocking of his hips causing its own friction. She bites at his bottom lip and Bucky suddenly grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together and pressing their hands to the bed.

"You drive me fucking wild, do you know that?" He breathes into her ear, lips grazing her skin. "Every single day."

Ana moans, bringing his hand towards her mouth. "Feeling's mutual." She mutters, eyes fluttering shut.

There’s a rapid coiling in the pit of her stomach. He nibbles on her earlobe, causing shivers throughout her body. She tries her best to move her ass back against his hips to meet his thrusts, but Bucky just tightens his hold again. Keeps her still, pinned beneath him. There's something about the way his board chest feels over her back, covering her body. They're hot and sweaty, the room smells of sex, but there's a sense of comfort, a sense of protectiveness there, and it makes Ana's heart ache in her chest.

On a particularly sharp, deep thrust, Ana cries out loudly. His cock is so hard, so thick inside her, her mind is beginning to go fuzzy from the friction. She can feel herself tightening around him, and Bucky moans, hitching her hips up just a little for leverage. She clenches her walls again, causing him to stutter.

"Everything about you." Bucky continues, panting, squeezing her hand. His fingertips grazing her lips. "Your goddamn body, teasing me all the fucking time. Your lips, your amazing ass," He snaps his hips forward harder. "Just want to keep you to myself. Just need to protect you. Fuck, sweetheart."

"Shit...Bucky..." Ana whimpers, she can't keep her eyes open anymore. "I'm..." She trails off, mouth dropping open as he picks up the speed.

"God, you're so perfect, Annie." He whispers hoarsely. He takes his hand away from her, only to gently wrap his fingers around her throat. "So good for me."

"Fuck." Ana gasps. Her orgasm is on the brink, so close. "Oh god.”

Her body is overheated, her heart pounding in her ears. Bucky’s fingers twitch against the sides of her neck just a little, his thumb tenderly rubbing circles. Her free hand coming to cover the back of his on her neck. She keeps his hand there, his touch gentle and sensual and that's it. Ana gasps, her mouth falling open and her walls tightening around his thick cock.

"That's my girl, come for me, baby doll." He murmurs against her ear.

She does. Hard and long and her body is trembling, little noises being punched out of her mouth. Bucky continues to whisper praises into her skin, nipping at her jaw, kissing at her fading bruises. He picks her hips up just a little, and starts to fuck earnestly into her, chasing his own release.

Once the waves of Ana's orgasm being to subside, she focuses on Bucky. "Love when you come inside me." She breathes.

"Ana, fuck." Bucky murmurs, mouthing at her neck.

That seems to do it for him. He thrusts once more, stilling his hips and comes. His cock buried deep and twitching inside her. He moans low in his throat, holding her tight to his body and breathes harshly through his nose. He seems to come for a while, the entire time whispers little endearments and praises to Ana. Once he stops, she feels him try catching his breath, and slowly, as if he's trying not to hurt her, pulls out and flops onto his back beside her.

Ana feels his fingers brush over her forehead and she forces herself to open her eyes. She's met with the softest look he has ever given her, and Ana wiggles closer to him, pressing a kiss to chest. She exhales contently through her nose, wrapping her arm low around his waist.

"Alright?" Bucky questions. It's just another contrast that make up who he is. A dirty, fast talker, but always checks on her.

"I have," Ana breaths, bringing her knee up to his thigh. "Never been," she inhales deeply, "fucked that good," she exhales, "ever."

He chuckles and pulls her closer. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"God no. If it hurts, it's because I want it too."

"Fucking hell, Annie." He breathes, tilting her head up to kiss her deeply. Ana chuckles against his mouth.

“We���ll talk about that neck thing later.” She mumbles. Bucky smiles against her mouth.

It takes several long minutes for them to both come down from that. Their bodies melting together as they relax, their skin cooling and heart beats calming. Bucky is gently soothing his fingers along her back, tracing over the healing bruises on her shoulder and down to her lower back. Every now and again he’ll delicately trace over her scar.

They shifted on their sides at some point, their legs tangled together. Ana brushes away a few dark strains of hair sticking to his forehead, keeping her fingers light against his skin tracing down to his mouth. His eyes flutter shut. She has to tell him.

"I'm terrified of failing you." Ana confesses in a whisper, her fingers shaking over his lips. Bucky opens his eyes. "Terrified of failing, and you end up back in Hydra's hands because of me. Fuck."

Ana can hear her voice wavering, a surge of emotion rising in her chest as she sniffs. “It's something she has be scared shitless about for months, and it nearly happened anyway. Letting her eyes fall shut, she inhales deeply, trying to calm herself, lest she knocks the power out again. Gentle fingertips brush along her cheekbone.

She exhales, opening her eyes, staring straight into Bucky's incredibly blue ones. They look sad, but determined, that little wrinkle between his eyebrows is back. Ana smooths it out with her thumb.

"I didn't even get to ask how you were after that stage." Ana mutters, her eyes fluttering as Bucky continues to trace her face. "I was out for a while. I didn't...did you have a panic attack? Were you angry that someone was able to get by security? Hurt that I couldn't protect you and let you become-"

"Shhh, sweetheart." Bucky interrupts, presses his fingers to her mouth. "It was none of that. It didn't even register that he knew I was here. I was never angry at you, darling. I was so upset with myself because I hurt you, Annie. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let that happened, but I did it, twice. Hence wanting to postpone the sessions."

Ana's heart aches in her chest. She sees the guilt, the fear, the pain in his eyes over it. Ana kisses his fingers tips, taking hold of his hand on her mouth, she presses his palm to her chest. She knows he can feel how wildly her heart is beating, and it's not because she's scared of him. Instead, it's because he's holding her, keeping her close to his body despite his own anxieties.

"Look at me, Bucky." She urges, keeping her voice soft. "I'm right here in front of you. I'm fine. It's just bruises that will fade away. I'm more upset that I didn't kick your ass."

That makes Bucky laugh, just a quiet little sound, but it has his eyes crinkling at the corners again. He shakes his head, tapping his fingers against her skin. His smile slowly fades away, his eyes shift down briefly, as if he's just remembering something. Ana leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to his chin, the soft hair on his face tickling her lips.

"What is it?" She asks after pulling back. He scared.

"Lately," Bucky starts, then stops. He takes a moment to gather himself. "I've been having this new nightmare. It's not flashbacks or memories. It's a very real possibility and it scares the fuck out of me."

Ana touches his jaw lightly, her fingers warm against his skin. She waits patiently for him to continue, as he looks like he's struggling to confess this. She presses his hand firmer against her chest, but he just frowns. Bucky closes his eyes.

"I'm holding you in my arms," He continues, a small tremor to his voice. "Only you aren't...you aren't breathing. You're bleeding. Blood is everywhere. My hands are soaked with it because I...I'm the one who..."

Ana's fingers move over his mouth this time because she suddenly understands. "It's okay." She promises softly, tracing his lips. He opens his eyes again. "It's okay to be scared of them, Bucky. Just know that I'm right here, and this is real. Not what's in your dreams."

Shifting around, Ana takes both his hands to press against her chest. She makes sure he keeps his hands there, as she places her own over his pounding heart. "This. Right here."

Bucky nods, then moves his left hand. He trails his metal fingers over her collarbones, tapping twice, then traces up the side of her neck, and gently cups her cheek. Ana's eyelashes flutter at his touch, always sending shivers throughout her body. She covers the back of his hand with her own. He moves his thumb across her cheekbone. Bucky flashes her a rueful sort of smile.

"I'm not scared of you, or your hands." Ana reminds him gently. "I mean, just now, Bucky. You don’t even realize how delicate your touch is with me. Even when you're triggered, you are still protecting me, Bucky. I'm not running from you and you can't make me."

Bucky kisses her as his response, soft and gentle. He pulls back, his blue eyes turning serious. "It's a possibility, Ana. I just need you to understand that. No matter how much trust you have in me."

"I know," Ana assures him. "I know it is. I just think holding off on the last three Deprogramming Stages is a bad idea. Despite what you think, and the compromises, it's been working." She squeezes his hands harder. "Do you believe that?"

A small smile spreads across his lips. "I think you're right." He says. "I don't think I would have, broken out of it as you say, if it hadn't been for you. And the sessions."

Bucky laughs suddenly. A low, breathy noise that makes Ana's stomach flutter. "At this point, it's only you, Ana. These nightmares, my fears, being triggered. You make me fight everything because of you."

She kisses him, pulling their hands apart so she can rest her hand against his strong jaw. Something feels a little different about this kiss. It's slow, passionate, and Ana abruptly feels electrified. Her body feels heated in the best way, like sleeping in front of a crackling fire, wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket. She feels safe, she feels comfort, happiness, adored, cared for and she realizes it's not just her own feelings. She's unintentionally feeling Bucky's as well, and her heart beats wildly in her chest.

That first time she used her empathetic ability on him all those months ago was crippling. He felt lost, broken and confused. Now, he feels the opposite. Ana doesn't know if it's because she's putting her own emotions on him or if it's solely just him, trying to convey how he feels about her. Either way, there's nothing but comfort, a sense of protection between both of them. A mutual feeling of how much they truly care for one another.

Bucky kisses her twice more before leaning back. "Don't postpone the stages. You're right. I'm just scared, but you're right."

Ana brushes her thumb beneath his eye. "You sure? Because you know if you really asked me-"

"I'm sure, baby." He smiles, blinking slowly.

She returns his smile. "I like when you call me that."

"Just not doll?"

Scrunching her nose, Ana says, "I think it's growing on me...only during sex though."

Bucky chuckles, dropping his arm to pull her closer by her waist, still mindful of the bruises. They hardly hurt anymore. Ana snuggles closer, the tip of their noses brushing. A serene calm settles over them as they look into each other’s eyes. Ana thinks, in the back of her mind, the blue of Bucky's eyes is her favorite color.

"Annie," Bucky breathes in the inch of space between them. His voice is incredibly soft, matching the look in his eyes.

He looks like he wants to say something else, but he remains silent. The longer he stares at her, the harder her heart pounds. Her stomach is fluttering like months to a flame, and her lips feel dry. She slowly licks her bottom lip, Bucky's eyes tracking he movement briefly. He brings his hand from her hip to her cheek, his touch delicate against her skin. He parts his lips, inhaling quietly.

"I-" He whispers, eyes flickering. He bites his lip for a moment. Ana can feel her heart slamming against his chest. "I...you are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on."

Ana release a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Her heart is still pounding, but it calms down a little. She smiles softly at him, closing the small space and presses her lips against his once more. She adjusts her arms, wrapping them around his middle, and hooking her knee higher on his bare thigh.

"You're unbelievably sweet, you know that?" She tells him after pulling away.

"Only to you, darling."

Ana chuckles. "Tired?"

"Not really. How about you?"

"No. Want to watch a movie?"

"Not that cartoon one with the house and the balloons and the talking dog again, right?" Bucky asks, concern laced in his voice.

"The beginning of Up really scarred you, didn't it?"

He pouts. "She died in the first five minutes after a beautiful love story between them."

"I know," Ana sighs, "but it was a great movie. We'll watch something else."

Bucky kisses her temple. "Whatever you want, baby."

***

The warmth of the bed makes it hard for Ana to want to get up. The warmth of the body she's currently half laying on makes it even harder to leave at all. They must have fallen asleep halfway through the second movie. The rise and fall of Bucky's chest soothes her, as does his steady heartbeat. Ana snuggles closer, pressing a gentle kiss against his jaw..

She begins to trace shapes on his naked chest, keeping her fingertips light so she doesn't wake him. She slowly trails her touch over to his left shoulder, then down his arm. She wishes she could remove the red star adorning the metal, wishes she could get rid of every reminder of those horrible people.

For now, Ana drops her head to his chest, kissing over the center of his heart. She wishes she could stay in this moment forever, burning the image of how peaceful Bucky looks as he sleeps into her mind. She hopes his dreams are just as peaceful, considering the onslaught of nightmares they're both having.

Bucky shifts then, his right arm wrapped loosely around her back tightens, pulls her closer. He sighs deeply, a content sound that has Ana smiling at him. She brings her hand up to his face, outlining his lips, his jaw, brushing over the corner of his eye, and slipping her fingers into his hair. When she runs her fingers through a few strands, they get caught in a few knots. Ana winces as she carefully untangles them, knowing that her hair is probably worse with knots.

Her fingers still after a while, the pull of sleep dragging her back down. She leaves her hand in his hair, carefully adjusting her right arm so it doesn't turn numb. She's about to close her eyes again, sleep for just a few more hours, when Bucky stirs, his fingers twitching against her hip.

Ana peers up at him, just as he opens his eyes, lashes fluttering. He looks down at her, and the deep color of blue pierces through her heart. It isn't the first time Ana has felt this feeling, and she welcomes the familiar sensation of waves crashes over her, drowning her in everything that is Bucky.

Her heartbeat soars in her chest, her stomach flutters with thousands of butterflies when Bucky smiles at her. Soft and sleepy, and his eyes turn gentle, crinkling at the corners. No one has ever looked at her the way he is now; like she is the most precious thing in the world. The waves morph into a burning fire, spreading throughout her veins, setting every ounce of her nerves ablaze. When Bucky tenderly traces his fingers over the scar on her hip and kisses the crown of her head, she realizes something.

Ana is falling in love with him.

Bucky moves his hand up to her face, swiping his thumb over her eyebrow, to her temple. He smiles. "G'morning beauitful."

"Hi." She whispers back. "It's not morning though."

"Whoops." He chuckles, kissing her forehead.

Ana is in love with him.

*********************************************************************************

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[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Ch 48

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language. Violence. Blood. Fighting. Choking.

Words: 6k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01​

One hour before Stage Ten:

Impatient fingers taps against a wooden surface, waiting for Ana’s confirmation. Max sighs, checking the time on his phone once again, a notification buzzing as he does. The message he was waiting for comes through, though it's not what he was expecting. He rereads the text to double check; Ana has moved the time of the last stage an hour out, and to take his lunch if he pleases. Slight suspicion registers in his gut, but when another text come through with nothing but pizza and coffee emoji, the feeling settles. Locking his phone, Max stands up from his desk in the Security department, deciding to take his lunch.

Half hour before Stage Ten:

Max is just about finished with his food, crushing the wrapper of the sandwich between his hands, when Jared Sharp walks in. He halts the second he sees him sitting at the table, a confused expression crosses his face. He points behind him.

"Weren’t you just in the Lab with Rios?" Sharp questions.

Max nearly bites his tongue to hold back a snippy retort, until he picks up on the confused curiosity in his tone. "She moved it to three. It's only half past two."

Sharp frowns. "No. I just left there. She's there now with Barnes."

Max shakes his head, tossing his wrapper into the trash. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Rolling his eyes, he marches over to Max. "I mean. You are standing guard during the Session right fucking now. Yet somehow you are in two places at once."

Max snatches his phone up, rereading the text. He shows it to Jared, already standing up and pulling his gun from his belt.

"Rios didn't have her phone with-"

"Fuck. Let's go!" Max tucks his phone into his pocket, running out of the café.

Jared follows quickly behind him, also pulling out his gun. "How the hell did you let this happen?" He sounds irritated.

"I don't think you have the right to show concern for Ana right about now. Or ever." Max snips, bypassing the elevator. He presses the COM in his ear, turning it on. "I need eyes on Rios and Barnes in the Lab. possible compromise in the session. Possible Hydra personal again."

"She's still Alex's baby sister." Jared says. "I'm not that heartless."

"Could've surprised me." Max mutters.

They're dashing down the second flight of stairs when a loud explosion sounds from somewhere above them, shaking the building. They pause to stare at each other, then glance up at the ceiling. Max makes the split decision to find Ana, rather than investigate what just happened.

"Fuck." He hisses, running down the steps again. 

"That's probably a diversion. Pull everyone's attention to the bomb. Get the Avengers to focus on a false breech instead of the Lab."

Goddammit, Max knows Jared’s suspicious are possible. They finally reach the floor, and the theory is proven correct. The floor is empty, as is the Lab when they enter. Max sprints towards the room, aiming his gun at the handle, shooting once and blowing off the knob.

They arrive too late. Ana is slung over someone's back, her body limp. Max's heart clenches in fear, then drops to his stomach when he sees Bucky across the shoulders of another person. The man is massive, easily able to carry the super soldier’s weight.

Next to him, Jared aims his weapon and fires. The bullet lodges in the thigh of the second man, who stumbles for a moment, the weight of Bucky making him lurch forward. The man sneers, points his gun and fires three rounds. Max dives out of the way, and the moment he springs back up, they're gone.

"Fuck!" Max shouts, tapping his COM again. No one has responded. "Rios and Barnes has been kidnapped. They're heading towards the second level of the Lab. Block all exists! Find Captain Rogers now! I repeat, find Captain Rogers!”

He turns to Jared. "I don't fucking understand, how did Bucky allow-"

Max halts. Jared is slumped against the wall, putting pressure over his chest, blood seeping between his fingers. Another wound deep in his stomach; Max presses his hand over it. He drops his gun and taps his COM once more.

"I need immediate medical attention. Deprogramming room, first level of the Lab." He requests gravely. "Two gun shot wounds to the chest and abdomen." 

“Did-did I save her?” Jared gasps, trying to catch his breath. His green eyes are fading.

Apparently, he was knocked down before he could see what happened. Max is conflicted, wants to tell him the truth, but he ends up lying instead; in the end, Jared tried to protect Ana. “Yeah. You did.”

“Good, that’s good. Alex will be happy.” His eyes flutter. His breath hitches and chest stutters.

Then Jared closes his eyes. Max waits for the team to arrive, keeping his hand over the wound.

*

Two minutes before the Capture:

Ana stares down at the unconscious man next to her, the widow's bite taser stopping it's currents. Her knife is still embedded into his arm, and she leaves it there out of spite. She lifts her eyes to Bucky, a quip on her tongue about not knocking all the man's teeth in, except that the guy is already bleeding from the mouth. Seems like Bucky had a little more fun then she did. She pouts, sticking out her lip, then he turns to look at her.

He chuckles, a soft little sound that never fails to make her stomach flutter. "What's that look for, darlin’?"

"That was too easy." She sighs. "No fun." She holds up her right wrist. "Bracelet's handy though."

She scrunches her nose at him as he rolls his eyes, a small smile on his lips. Then he turns back to the imposter. Ana briefly wonders where Max is, and how they were able to delay him. He would have caught onto the fake guard in a second.

“I’m going to call Steve.” Ana informs. She taps her bracelet twice until it lights up. “FRIDAY.”

“Ms. Rios.” The soft lilt of the AI voice responds.

“Call St-“ She freezes. Something sharp and cold is pressing against the vein in her neck. There’s only one person next to her, can see him from the corner of her eye.

“Motherfucker.” She hisses in disgust. “It’s been you this whole fucking time.”

The needle pierces her skin, sharp and pinching hard because he doesn't give one damn about it. The foreign sensation of the drugs seep and spread throughout her veins like ice. It works fast, efficient, the effects of it already shutting down her body functions. Ana’s limbs quickly become heavy, her right arm dropping to her side, and she blinks to fight off the blurry vision.

“Call out to your Soldier, Rios.” Erik Woods whispers in her ear. “I want him to see this.”

“Fuck you.” Ana sneers, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth.

Through the cotton in her ears, she registers the soft click of his gun. Then she sees him pointing the barrel at Bucky, his back is still turned to them, questioning the agent, too busy to realize what’s happening.

“He’s a super soldier, but I’m pretty sure even he can’t survive a bullet to the head. Call him.” Erik threatens.

Ana squeezes her eyes shut, terror spiking up her spine. She’s helpless. She’s got drugs pumping into her system and a gun pointed at the man she loves. Her heart rate is slowing, her stomach churning with bile rising up to her throat. She feels a quick stinging session from the bracelet, like the sting of a bee. Dropping her eyes to her wrist, her skin glows red for a moment then returns to normal. Her bracelet just embedded a tracker into her arm, courtesy of FRIDAY, who is probably recording this exchange. She would feel hopeful, if Ana wasn’t struggling to keep herself upright.

“Do it.”

“Bucky,” Ana breathes out.

Through the blackened spots of her vision, Bucky turns. He drops the guard, a feral snarl on his face. The last thing she sees is the utter rage in his eyes, laced with fear. She think words are spoken, but it sounds like she's under water, the pressure pressing down on her body, dragging her, drowning her in darkness.

***

Silence. Darkness. Heavy. 

A pounding ache brings gradual awareness. Another throb of pain pulls Ana from the fuzzy black of her mind; her head feels like its splitting open. She attempts to open her eyes, but they feel glued shut. She tries to lift her head, but it feels like it weighs 100 pounds. She tries to move her arms, but realizes she’s tied down to a chair, arms pinned with leather straps. She tries moving her legs; they’re heavy, along with every muscle in her body. 

Ana

A noise breaks through the silence in her ears, muffled as if it’s submerged in water. Her head moves towards the sound, trying to find it's source. Her fingers twitch, and she suddenly begins to feel every other ache in her body coming to the surface.

Two tender spots throb in sensitive places; one on the left side of her neck, as if something stabbed her with a pencil. One on the crook of her right elbow, and a new phantom sting on her right wrist. A tracker. A miniature tracker was injected into her wrist by her bracelet, that she can feel is no longer there.

Annie doll.

Through her dark, lethargic mind, images of the previous events flash by. The two agents, the small fight, the needle puncturing her skin. Erik Wood sneering in her ear, and the terrified look in eyes so incredibly blue. 

Bucky. 

Ana's head shoots up. She groans and winces, clamping her teeth shut as a wave of nausea rises from her stomach. She inhales deeply through her nose, shutting her eyes, willing for it to subside. She breathes out her mouth once it passes and slowly opens her eyes. What she sees in front of her makes her close them again, because this can't be happening.

She reluctantly opens her eyes again, her worse nightmare set up right in front of her. Bucky is there, a relieved expression washing over his face, shoulders slumping. He’s sat several feet away from her, locked down to the electro-shock chair. The one that has starred in her nightmares. The one that tortures, that suppresses memories, erases the mind; Bucky's mind.

"Annie, thank God." Bucky sighs, his voice slightly shaky, smiling despite their current predicament. 

"No." She whispers horrified.

Breathing hard through her nose, her chest expanding up and down, she swallows back the bile burning in her throat. Her chin trembles and she grind her teeth together to stop from screaming. Devastating defeat shines in Bucky’s eyes, his grin now self-deprecating, tugging at his mouth. As if he’s saying that he failed her. If anyone has failed anyone, it's Ana. She couldn't keep him out of Hydra’s hands.

She vehemently shakes her head, ignoring the pounding ache. "No, no, no!" 

The last word breaks, tears stinging and welling up in her eyes. Fear prickles throughout her body, she doesn't know how to get him out of this. She doesn't know how to save him. She’s helpless. She begins to tremble.

"Hey," Bucky coos softly. "Sweetheart, it's going to be alright. I'll keep you safe, I promise."

God, of fucking course his only goal here is to protect her. He is held prisoner it that chair once again, and all he can think about is saving her. Ana can't blame him though, since her only goal is to protect him too, free him from the never ending tentacles of Hydra.

"This is my fault." He continues ruefully. There's a split second of fear crossing his face before he schools it again. It lingers in the air.

"No, no. Don't!" Ana nearly gasps, trying to control her breathing. "I'm so sorry, Bucky. I-"

"Ana." His voice is so gentle, it tugs at her heart. "Don't you dare blame yourself."

She watches as Bucky glances around the room before he flexes his arms, biceps bulging beneath his shirt. Something snaps on his restraints, and in a few seconds Bucky will be free. It's then Ana notices two machines dawning automatic guns on either side of him. She lifts her eyes, the same machines are on her too, whirring to life as if-

“Ah ah, Sergeant." Erik Woods suddenly tisks from behind Ana. "You break free, those guns will shoot her. She breaks free, they shoot you. Wouldn’t want her blood on your hands now would we?”

Ana's heart sinks to her feet. He can't know that. There's no way he could know Bucky's deepest and worse fear. Bucky stops moving, an absolutely feral look on his face, his jaw clenching. Abruptly his expression turns stoic, but Ana sees the flash of terror reflecting in his eyes, feels it taint his energy. A harsh hand grabs her, gripping her hair and yanking her head backwards.

"Don't fucking touch her!" Bucky shouts, struggling against the bonds again. The guns next to Ana move, whirring to life once more. He halts.

"Took you long enough to wake up." Erik teases, then shoves her head forward. He walks around so he's standing between them, smirking pridefully at her, mocking her. Ana wishes a slow painful death on him.

"If you escape, Rios, if you use your nifty little ability to shut down the power, I’ll put a bullet in that damaged brain of his. Let’s test that shall we?”

Erik’s hand jerks towards her throat, wrapping his fingers around her neck in a bruising, vice grip. All air is cut from Ana.

She hears thrashing, hears Bucky screaming “Get your fucking hands off her!”

Ana’s eyes fall to him, watching as he jerks in the chair, rage coloring his face, horror in his eyes. She clenches her fists, trying uselessly to gasp for air. Her windpipe feels seconds away from being crushed. Her vision is beginning to blacken around the edges and her face is burning, blood pounding in her ears. Her body begins to jerk involuntary, desperate to break free, desperate for air. Bucky’s screams of fury fade out in her ears. Her heart pumping slower.

Woods finally releases her. Her head drops forward, Ana heaving air to fill her lungs. She gasps, and sputters, coughing as she regains her breath, her cheeks wet from unwilling tears. She inhales mouthfuls of air, trying to get the oxygen back to her brain, refill her lungs.

“His life is worth more than yours? How pitiful.” He rolls his eyes, glancing over his shoulder. "He's nothing but our weapon. Our perfect asset."

"I will murder you, and I will take my sweet ass time doing so." Bucky growls, a snarl on his lips.

Ana wills her body to calm down, holding her ability back as much as she can. "You-you were in charge of everything." She pants, voice strained and ragged. "You realize once we-we get out of here, that we're all coming for you, right?"

"You think so? As you said, I have been in charge of everything." Erik smiles menacingly back at her, pulling out a gun from his belt. He scratches his chin with the barrel. Insane fucker. 

"Those Avengers have no fucking idea either of you are here. I had to distract them, I had to distract everyone including you during your little session. I hacked into your phone, sent a text to Max. I planted a harmless bomb on the west side of the building, drawing almost every agent, every guard, every Avenger's attention away from the Lab."

Ana frowns briefly, shifting her eyes to meet Buckys own confused gaze. They come to the same conclusion simultaneously. That's what Ana had felt, the energy from the bomb, the energy from people buzzing around it.

"You'd think I'd just waltz in there without a plan?" He continues, "I've been planning this for years."

Bucky shakes his head, mouthing, Years? Ana shrugs the best she can with her arms held down. She refocuses her eyes on the crazy man in front of her.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She demands. Might as well keep him talking, since he's wrong about no one knowing they're here.

He spins, a manic grin on his face. "I convinced Simon Mills to speed up the triggers, and to over take the fifth stage. I delayed you on purpose, Rios. I sent one of our agents to compromise the ninth stage. I have been undercover since the fall of SHIELD and Hydra in DC during 2014. I stayed undercover because I had a bigger mission than Alexander Pierce."

Ana's heart is racing. Erik steps closer to her, dragging a condescending finger down her cheek. She jerks away from his touch, and she can feel how tangible Bucky's rage is.

"It was meant to be you all along, AnaRosa Rios." Erik admits. "You heard of Dr. Zola's Algorithm? A program that targets anyone who's a threat, now or in the future, to Hydra. We knew of someone from your family to be special...your mother."

Ana's blood begins to boil at the mention of her mother. The shift in the air goes unnoticed by Erik.

"She was an Empathetic Healer just like you, though no where near your caliber. Which is probably why she never mentioned it to you, huh." Erik shrugs and continues.

"Your mother was rather sick during her first pregnancy, did you know that? Your father decided to take her to a Doctor named Murphy Woods. He told her she was a high risk pregnancy, kept her coming back for vitamin injections, or so he said. He gradually injected her with a serum, one designed to make our own special group of soldiers from birth."

"Fuck." Bucky breathes from behind Woods.

Ana can hardly react right now, keeping her eyes locked on Erik. She had no idea about any of this.

"The super soldier serum is a beautiful thing." He goes on. "Though we could never fully recreate it. However, if we could take that concept, and design it to activate the X gene in DNA, why not? We could easily monitor newborns, children, figure out if they were enhanced. The only problem was, the drug was too new, it took too long. 

“Until your family came along. Dr. Woods, or dad, as I like to call him, convinced your mother that her second pregnancy was high risk as well. It was perfect, there was only a three year difference between the babies. We could watch the eldest child, while keeping an eye on the infant."

"You sick fuckers." Ana whispers horrified, wanting to throw up. They've been watching her and Alex their entire lives. They lied to her parents. They lied to her mother, made her put her trust in a soulless person for the sake of experiments.

Erik ignores her. "We thought it was moot. Nothing had happened. Until your parents had a helping hand being run off the road and died 14 years later. The power at the funeral knocked out, along with ten other blocks. We knew it was one of her children. So, we followed closely, Alex always seemed to be around when it happened. Then he enlisted in the army. He beat out everyone else in training. He was tall, fit, fast, strong. Everything we knew the super soldiers to be.

"We thought it was him, and we took him. Needed to whip him into compliance." He turns to look at Bucky. "You know how that is, Soldier."

"I will rip your dick straight off your body you piece of shit." Ana threatens lowly, clenching her hands. 

It’s hard to breathe, her lungs hurt, her stomach rolls, her chest is tight. Hydra took her entire family from her. This whole time, Hydra was also responsible for her parents death. The air grows thicker, hotter; energy sizzles at her fingertips.

Erik tisks, walking around until he’s behind her again, pressing his cheek against hers. "Ah, ah, Rios. That tongue will get you both in trouble. We wasted time on your pathetic brother. Could've spent all this effort shutting that bitchy, stubborn mouth of yours up." He harshly grabs a fist full of her hair at the roots, yanking her head back. Ana yelps. His lips graze her ear.

"I will make you watch him suffer before I break you." Erik jerks her head forward, releasing her hair.

The lights in the room glow bright and the machines the guns are attached to shake. Erik is in front of her again, one eyebrow quirked up, as if challenging Ana to do more. She inhales slowly, thinks of keeping Bucky safe and bullet free, and controls her rage. The lights return to normal and the machines stop.

“Good girl." Erik smiles patronizingly. “Obviously, we figured out it wasn't your brother, but since we already started the memory wiping with him, we sent him to kill you, just for fun. It nearly worked, until we realized how powerful you really were. Without even knowing it!" 

He laughs haughtily, the noise echoing through her bones. He comes closer to her, bending over. "You probably would have made a great addition to Hydra, the both of you. The Life Drainer. The Soldier. Too bad we convinced Alexander to kill himself. Just shot himself in the head, crying to protect his baby sister.”

Ana feels fire in her veins. She spits in Erik's face. A sharp, stinging pain shoots across her left cheek as her face is jerked to the side. She hears Bucky bellow, struggling against the chair. Ana blinks the shock away, stretching her jaw to combat the pain. She turns her back to glare at Erik, seething. The lights flicker again, and she forms a plan.

When she spits in his face a second time, Erik’s hand shoots to her throat, squeezing his fingers around her neck once more. This is what she was counting on. Bucky is screaming, but Ana begins pulling Erik’s energy out from his body. It takes him several long moments to realize what she’s doing. Then he abruptly releases her, backhanding her hard across the mouth with the butt of his gun.

“Clever fucking bitch!” He gasps, taking a step back.

Warm blood gathers quickly in her mouth from her busted lip, Ana spits blood and saliva at his feet. Erik grabs her hair again, feeling several strand ripping from her scalp, yanking her head back roughly.

“Just for that..."

He tucks his gun away, then pulls a device out of his back pocket. He shows it off to Ana with a manic grin. A small five prong disk that looks like the widow's bite, each point long, a half inch in width and as sharp as needles. He presses the middle, then stabs the device against her inner right knee. 

A searing pain pierces though her leg. Feeling like the rods in her knee are being yanked from her bones. Ana screams in agony, throwing her head back. It’s nothing but blinding pain, building and building until something pops inside her knee. Tears sting behind her closed eyes, falling down her cheeks, her hands gripping the edges of the chair. 

She can barely hear Bucky calling out for her, but it's his voice that has her trying to rein in her own screams, to control her own breathing. She's had worse pain, she tells herself, and begins to breathe through her mouth.

“There. Stark's pieces of shit technology disabled.” Erik says gleefully. "Probably shouldn't list a knee injury in your file, sweetheart."

Ana hears Buck threatening him again, so she focuses on his voice, no matter how menacing he sounds. She has to be strong for him, she has to be able to grit her teeth, suck it up and get him out of that chair. She has to save him; she will be damned if Bucky falls right back into the abusive, heartless hands of Hydra once more.

Inhaling a deep, calming- shaky- breath, Ana drops her head back down, finding Bucky's eyes through her own watery ones. She offers him a weak grin and the look on his face breaks her heart.

"I'll get you out of here, Annie, I swear it." Bucky whispers, his voice cracking as a few tears escape his own blue eyes.

Ana nods, biting her lip but winces at the cut. The pain in her knee is subsiding into a throbbing ache. She slowly kicks her legs out to test it, but the white-hot pain shoots back up her thigh. If she escapes this, it's going to be difficult to fight, hell, to even walk. Erik suddenly pats her thigh, causing Ana to grit her teeth; a wave of sick curling dangerously in her stomach.

“We could see it, you know." Erik sighs in a dreamily sick tone. "Imagine it. Having an asset with your powers would make Hydra unstoppable. The Winter Soldier and an Energy Alchemist. Someone who could literally drain the life from people with just a simple touch. They were meant to take you, not your brother. They were meant to brainwash you, Rios."

"But, things happen and get in the way, so I waited, biding my time. Then the Winter Soldier ends up in the same place I am. Under cover for years, which was amazing fucking luck! The best part? You went ahead and fell in love with each other.” 

He snickers maniacally. “That’s where you failed. Love is weakness.”

Ana is in an immense amount of pain, her right leg beginning to go numb from her shin down, with a radiating sharp pain shoots up her thigh. Her neck is sore, bruised and hot with her vocal chords possibly damaged. Blood is still seeping into her mouth, so she spits it out once again. She can't take this anymore, she cracks. She shakes her head, chuckling under her breath, before her laughter becomes louder.

“Um. Ana, baby? You still with me?” Bucky questions confused and concerned, his voice raw from screaming. 

“Something funny, Rios?” Erik demands.

“Fucking hilarious.” Ana sneers at him. “Every villain, which is you by the way, dickless, believes that. That love has no place in a world of violence and control, world domination. Love isn’t weakness, you fucking tit bag. It’s strength. Just because your sick as fuck father was fixated on other children rather than his own son doesn't mean it's weak."

Erik grabs her face, his grip pressing into the cut on her lip. She hit a nerve for sure, given the glint of rage in his eyes. 

"I'm going to shut that nasty mouth of yours up, by making you watch your beloved Soldier’s mind be blended again. He won't recognize you, won’t remember you. He will shoot you on my command and you will be powerless to stop it."

He releases her face, looks at her blood on his thumb, then wipes it on his jeans. "What I neglected to inform you, Rios, is like the Captain and the Asset here, we can recreate the serum injected into your mother. We can take your blood, and recreate your powers." 

Erik jeers. "So, if I wanted to kill you. If I really wanted to, I would have no regrets in losing your source. I just need your blood, and you don't have to be alive for that."

Ana knew he fucking took blood from her already. The tiny needle mark in the crook of her elbow is evidence. She glares at Erik, wishing he could burn in hell at this very moment.

"The greatest thing about this," He chuckles like he was granted the best thing he could wish for. "Is that you nearly fixed him. You almost deprogrammed him to, what? Just end up back in his favorite little chair."

He leers at Bucky. "I see the fear in your eyes, Barnes. You won't be able to work your way through this one."

Ana's skin prickles with terror, with failure, and she wants to focus her energy, use it to pull Erik's out, to stop this process from happening. But the guns are still poised at Bucky, following every minuscule move she makes. If she does that, the guns will fire. She doesn't know what to do at this point, but she can not just sit here and watch him go through torture once again.

"Bucky." Her voice cracks, raspy. Copper heavy on her tongue, bile dangerously threatening to escape.

Bucky inhales slowly, closing his eyes. He takes a moment, before breathing out and reopens them. The smile he gives her is soft, loving, as if they're back in his bed wrapped around each other. The fondness in his eyes is there, it's the same one he gives her when she's rambling on about something.

"It's going to be fine, Annie. I swear." Bucky tells her firmly. "Don't worry, darling."

"I love you." She nearly whimpers, she has to tell him, to remind him. "I'm so sorry. I love you."

"I love you so much." He replies, his voice soft.

Erik moves behind her, pressing something on the wall; the buzz of the chair come to life. He apparently pulled his gun out again, pressing the barrel to Ana's jaw from behind her. Bucky falls silent, a murderous look overtaking his expression. 

Ana's heart stutters in her chest at the sight of it all. She forces air out of her nose, and flexes her arms against the restraints. He leans down to her level, his lips grazing over her ear.

"The most satisfying part of this," Erik whispers menacingly. "Is having you watch all your hard work come undone. You failed, Ana. Did you think that your silly little tactics were going to work? Deprogram decades of Hydra's most successful project with some meaningless, pathetic exercises. You’re delusional.”

Ana closes her eyes against the prickling she feels in them. Clenching and unclenching her fist. She's made her decision, can feel energy buzzing at her fingertips. She has to prevent that chair from hurting Bucky. 

"Did you honestly think," He pauses, pressing his mouth closer. "That falling in love with him would just erase everything?"

Ana jerks her head away from Erik. He straightens up and removes the gun. A tear escapes from her left eye, rolling down her cheek. Slowly, Ana locks gazes with Bucky, his expression broken, blue eyes wide and desperate.

I'm so sorry, she mouths at him as another tear falls. He shakes his head, still offering her a calm smile, those fond crinkles by his eyes.

"No matter what happens, you are the realest thing in my life," Bucky reminds her gently. 

"This will be fun." Erik chirps gleefully from behind her. He smacks his hand against something once more.

Suddenly, the machine whizzes to life, and the chair leans back. Bucky's chest is heaving with every anticipating breath, his hands squeezing into fists. The head pieces move to press firmly against his face, the zapping of electricity echoes throughout the room. A clenched scream rips from Bucky's throat; pierces straight through Ana's heart, shattering in her chest.

She can't take her eyes off him, watching horrified as the machine begins to wipe his brain once more. Ana can't let that happen to him again. Can't let the pain, the torture, continue. There's so much energy whizzing throughout the room, growing with the sound of Bucky's screams filling her ear; her body, her soul.

The buildup of energy is quick, can feel it surging around her, prickles her skin like needles. Ana feels it, holds that feeling in her chest until it's about to burst. She inhales slowly, then releases it. A bright light explodes through the room, the lighting simultaneously shutting off. 

The room is thrown into darkness, the chair ceases noise along with Bucky's screams. There's a thud behind her, like a body hitting the floor. The only source of light is coming from a red emergency bulb. It only took three seconds.

With the power temporarily down, Ana pulls as hard as she can against her bonds until they snap free, burning away from the hot energy emitting from her skin. She launches out of her chair, stumbling towards Bucky, adrenaline masking any pain. She yanks the arms of the machine, putting her foot on the chair for leverage. It gives way, Ana nearly falls back with momentum. She climbs onto the chair, straddling Bucky's thighs, placing her hands on his face, the same spots where the paddles were.

"Bucky, Bucky. Look at me!" Ana pleads frantically. His eyes are unfocused, head lulling against the chair. "I'm here, Bucky, come back to me. Please…James. Come back to me.”

"Annie." He murmurs, slowly picking his head up. She smiles at him, beginning to use her ability to heal what she can.

"Zhelaniye! Rzhavyy! Semnadtsat!"  The words are shouted behind her, one right after the other.

Bucky's eyes flicker. 

"No, no, Bucky, focus on me." Ana coaches shakily. "Focus on the good memories."

"Rassvet! Furnace! Pech!"

Bucky shakes his head, then yanks his arms free of the restraints. The movement shifts Ana, but she locks her thighs to stay on. His hands grip her hips tightly, making her wince.

"Bucky-"

"Go!" Bucky abruptly snaps.

"No. I am not leaving you!" Ana tells him fiercely. "Keep fighting it."

"Devyat! Dobroserdechnyy!"

"Can't." He mutters, his body shaking with the effort to hold back.

"Yes you can! Remember what's real in here. You can fight this!"

"Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu! Odin!"

Ana presses her forehead against his, moves her hand to the center of his chest. Bucky grits his teeth, his grip tightening on her hips enough to bruise.

"Run." He murmurs. 

"Gruzovoy vagon!!"

Ana is thrown backwards, crashing hard onto the floor, pain radiating throughout her body, but she ignores it all. She rights herself quickly, staring up at Bucky who's looming over her, peering down at her with a thousand-yard stare, eyes void of any emotion. The flashing red light illuminates his stone cold face; it's the first time he truly looks terrifying. He tilts his head to the side as he looks at her. Ana and Erik speak at the same time.

"Bucky?"

"Soldat?"

She hopes the theory of the last triggering phrase isn’t true. For several long moments, Bucky just continues to stare at Ana. Then, he lifts his eyes to look behind her. 

"Gotovy soblyudat." He responds flatly, emotionless. The Winter Soldier replacing her Bucky.

"No." Ana sobs. She slowly stands up, Bucky's eyes snapping back to hers. She limps closer, firmly pressing both hands against his chest again. 

"Ona vrag. Ubey' yeye." She is the enemy, kill her.

Bucky suddenly grabs her left wrist, twisting her arm away as he swings his metal fist towards her face. Ana ducks, nearly avoiding his punch, and brings her left knee up to nail him in the gut. His hand loosens enough for her to pull her arm away, turning to find a weapon of some sort. The only weapon she can reach is in Erik's hands, who seems content to watch Bucky kill her. That is not going to happen.

A metal arm wraps around her neck, locking her a choke hold. Flashes of that first time run through her mind. She tires the same move, but Bucky lifts her, cutting of air supply, her toes barely touching the floor. Instead, Ana performs the same trick she had done while he was training her. She quickly finds his knee with her foot, uses the leverage to twist and push herself up, swinging her right leg around and twisting in the air. 

Her move breaks Bucky’s hold enough, his arms slipping down her body. She kicks off his shoulder harder than she did during training. The force of it knocks him backwards, falling to the ground. Ana lands on her feet.

She's abruptly reminded of the device still lodged in her knee and she crumples. Ana clenches her teeth, yelping as she grabs the device and slowly pulls it out of her knee; blood dripping to the floor. She takes too much time doing it, and when she steadies herself, Bucky is standing. He halts, head tilted slightly. He seems...confused, eyebrows knitted together slightly.

"You know who I am, Bucky." Ana states, keeping her strained voice calm. "You know me, Sergeant Snowflake."

His head twitches, eyes flashing. Ana lifts the device, then throws it at Erik. She takes advantages of the Bucky’s conflicted stare, moving past him and advancing towards Erik. He lifts his gun, aiming and firing at her chest. The bullet is blocked by a metal arm in front of her. Ana blinks in surprised, before she's shoved backwards, out of the line of fire.

"You fucking moron! I said kill her!" Erik shouts.

Bucky's head twitches again, and he widens his stance. It gives Ana the opportunity she needs. She takes several, painful, steps backwards, grits her teeth, then sprints. She drops down at the last moment, sliding between Bucky's legs and pops up directly in front of Erik.

His look of appalled shock is amusing.

"You forget who you fucked with." She sneers, then promptly thrusts the heel of her palm up into his nose. 

She hears a satisfying crunch but doesn't waste time, kneeing him in the gut. Erik doubles over grunting, blood streaming from his nose. Ana steals the gun from his slackened grip, but he suddenly grabs her arm, yanking her to the side. Her knee twinges sharply in pain and she stumbles, gritting her teeth.

He slams her against the wall, knocking the gun out of her hand. Ana kicks his knee cap with her left foot, Erik shouting out in pain. She breaks away from his hold, taking the chance to go for the gun. 

She stops short. The metal of the gun gleams against the crimson light, barrel pointing straight at her held by Bucky. There's a split moment where time stands still as they stare at each other.

Then, the Winter Soldier pulls the trigger.

*******************************************************************

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[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Chp 49

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language. Violence. Blood. Fighting.

Words: 3.5k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01​

He slams her against the wall, knocking the gun out of her hand. Ana kicks his knee cap with her left foot, Erik shouting out in pain. She breaks away from his hold, taking the chance to go for the gun. 

She stops short. The metal of the gun gleams against the crimson light, barrel pointing straight at her held by Bucky. There's a split moment where time stands still as they stare at each other.

Then, the Winter Soldier pulls the trigger.

***

Gun fire echoes loudly throughout the room, ringing in Ana's ears. Time freezes for one long moment. She exhales. When no pain comes, Ana slowly turns around. Erik Woods is on the ground, clutching at his bleeding chest. The wound looks fatal, but she isn’t sure that’s enough to keep him down.

Footsteps behind Ana draws her attention back to Bucky. He’s inches away from her, holding the gun at an angle, still pointing at her. He flicks his thumb and the chamber of bullets fall to the ground, quickly followed by the gun itself. Bucky reaches his hand out, cupping the back of Ana’s head and drags her forward, searing their lips together.

She gasps into his mouth, practically melting into his arms. "You scared the fucking hell out of me!"

"I'm so fucking sorry." Bucky mumbles against her lips. He gently pushes stray hairs back from her face, damp from sweat.

"You came back to me, Bucky." She whispers, tears welling up in her eyes. She kisses his lips harder, ignoring the stinging cut on her own.

Bucky pulls back and the soft, relieved smile only last two seconds. He frowns, moving his thumb to the left corner of her mouth. Ana does the same to his, wiping away a smear of blood. It should be gross, and completely unsanitary, but she doesn't give a damn at this moment. She’s just happy to have her Bucky in her arms.

“Gotta get you out of here.” He tells her urgently, dragging his hands down her face, to her tender neck and down her arms; tracing the developing bruises. "Give me one second."

Ana watches as Bucky steps on the chair, ripping one of the guns from the machine. He hands it to Ana to hold. Then he bends down, gently hooking the back of her knees over his left arm and wrapping his right around her back. Ana secures her arm over his neck, awkwardly holding the large gun against her body as he picks her up and hurries out of the room.

“What about dickless over there?” Ana questions darkly, glancing over Bucky’s shoulder. Erik is motionless.

“I’ll deal with him later.” He growls, his voice low; malicious. “Need to get you to safety first.”

Ana turns her gaze to Bucky. She can sense unadulterated loathing radiating off him, can nearly see it tainting is aura. His expression is murderous, and she briefly wonders if he isn’t fully broken out of his Winter Soldier mode. The blue of his eyes are darkened with ferocity, the muscle at his jaw twitching, his mouth set into a firm line.

Bucky is enraged. She has never seen him this angry before. It should frighten her, but not once has she been scared of him since he came into her life. Ana knows, believe with every ounce of her heart, that she is the safest with him no matter what.

“Bucky.” She murmurs, bringing her right hand up to his face, brushing her fingers against his bearded jaw. “I’m alright.”

His nostrils flare, his mouth twitches, his forehead glistens with sweat. He tightens his arms around her, practically running down the hall. "I will make him pay for ever fucking touching you. For everything they’ve done to you."

Ana kisses the joint of his jaw, hair soft beneath her lips. She tightly cradles the gun against her torso, and places her hand gently on his chest. His heart is flying. Though she can't figure out if it’s because he's anxious to get out of the building, is still feeling the affects of being triggered, or has to do with Ana herself.

"Are you okay?" She inquires, rubbing her thumb over his shirt.

"I'm fine, love." Bucky answers softly, so unlike the tone he just used. He pauses as he picks up on voices. He presses a quick kiss to her temple. "You're safe now."

He makes a decision and turns down another path, quickly checking around the corner before jogging down the hallway. Ana winces as the movement jolts her knee. She glances at it, a dark spot that trails down her ripped jeans, soaked with her own blood. She removes her hand from Bucky's chest, gingerly pressing her fingers on the out side of her knee. She hisses in pain.

"Will you be able to run if need be?" Bucky checks, slowing his pace.

"Not sure." Ana exhales, resting her head against his shoulder for a moment. 

She’s beginning to feel every aching pain throughout her body; her throat sill sore, her lips and cheeks stinging, her knee throbbing. Exhaustion seeps heavily in her bones. Her eyes flutter shut. 

"Adrenaline is slowing down." Ana barely murmurs.

Bucky is saying something, but she hardly pays attention, yearning to sleep. She thinks she may have blacked out briefly, for the next moment loud voices echo up ahead, causing Ana to jerk to awareness. Her burst of powers she used earlier has caught up to her. Bucky stops at an intersection of four hallways. 

"I have to put you down, darlin’. Wait here."

He carefully lowers her. His hands are tight on her hips as Ana steadies herself, keeping the majority of her weight on her left leg. Bucky takes the gun, cocking it and pulling the lever, adjusting it in her hands. He glances over his shoulder as the voices grow closer. He turns back, hooking his finger under her chin, tenderly pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Keep it poised, and the second you see it's anyone but me, you shoot." He instructs firmly, his blue eyes burning with protectiveness. "Do not hesitate."

"Buck-"

"You're hurt and exhausted, Ana. I need you to protect yourself. Shoot first, ask questions later." Bucky pecks her forehead, gripping her shoulders. "Promise?"

Ana nods.

"I'll be right back."

"Be careful." She rasps, as he lets her go and runs quietly down the hall.

Ana stares after his retreating back, leaning against the wall next to her. She takes a moment to just breathe, to revel the fact that her and Bucky had escaped that room, despite knowing it might be premature. It takes several seconds, but suddenly the voices get louder, someone is shouting. 

She hears a quick scuffle, loud thuds, and a few gun shots. She tries to keep her heart calm, knows that Bucky is highly capable of handling more than one person at a time. It doesn't stop her worry though.

Running footsteps race towards her. Ana locks her arms, placing her index finger on the trigger. She pushes herself off the wall, shifting her weight on her left leg. The footsteps grow closer and closer, then Bucky rounds the corner, holding another semi-automatic rifle, and a Glock. A knife gleams in the lights, tucked into the belt of his jeans. Ana lowers her gun with relief. He reaches her, an intrigued smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. He pulls the knife from his belt, tucking it carefully into her own.

"Ya know," Bucky begins, a hint of mirth in his voice. "You look hot holding that gun."

"Are you honestly flirting with me right now, after we've been kidnapped, nearly tortured and mind wiped, and probably going to be fighting for our lives?"

He pauses. "Yes."

"Well, okay then." Ana smiles at him.

"C'mere." Bucky pulls her closer to his body, being careful of her injured knee. He kisses the uninjured corner of her mouth. "I love you, Annie."

Ana leans against him, inhaling his scent. The fading smell of woods, sweat and something a little metallic- given that some of the blood from her knee has stained his shirt- oddly comforts her. She loves every bit of him. She kisses the center of his chest, over his beating heart.

"Love you too." She mutters.

"Lets go." He pulls back, makes to carry her again.

"I can walk. Promise." Ana tells him, but she grabs onto the hem of his shirt anyway.

Bucky seems like he's going to protest, but they don't have any more time to waste before Erik decides to find them again, if he hasn't died yet. He nods, then leads the way down the hallway to their right.

*

Ana is limping, each step sending a sharp jolt of pain through her knee. She grinds her teeth a few times, forcing steady breaths through her nose. Several times, Bucky stops to check around corners, to scan hallways for any doors or exits. Each time he does, he checks on Ana, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. Each time, Ana nods, masking her pain.

After walking for a few minutes, they hear sounds of fighting several yards ahead. A door opens and two men run out of a room. They spot Ana and Bucky, quickly pulling out their guns. Bucky already had his gun up, taking aim and fires, hitting the men in the stomachs and legs. They fall to the ground shouting in pain, blood spirting from the wounds.

"You only nicked their arteries." Ana notes, staying behind Bucky as he approaches the men.

"A quick death is too good for them. They’ll likely bleed out." Bucky responds with a dangerously low tone. He kicks their guns out of reach. Abruptly, his cold gaze morphs into a grin. 

"Would you like to do the honors, babe?"

His smile looks just a tad off. Ana doesn’t blame him, in fact, she’d rather leave the men as they are in the hallway. She places a comforting hand on his cheek for a moment, Bucky’s eyes fluttering. He kisses her palm before she drops her hand.

Ana turns her attention to the men. She recognizes one of the them as the guard she fought in the Lab. Erik’s confession of Hydra having a hand in her parents death repeats in her mind. Anger surges up her spine, radiates from her body causing the overhead lights to spark and pop. The section of the hallway darkens, dimly light by an emergency light. Instead of knocking them out, she aims the gun at them.

Her finger teases the trigger. A delicate loving touch brushes her elbow, a silent reminder that Bucky is right behind her. Comforting, supporting, understanding, all conveyed through his energy.

“I understand your anger, sweetheart,” Bucky speaks kindly. “But you aren’t a killer, Ana. I am, but you aren’t.”

Swallowing thickly, Ana turns the gun around, thrusting the blunt end against the side of his head, hard, knocking him out. She does the same for the other agent. She spots another knife, and pulls it off the man, twirling it expertly between her fingers before sliding it into her left boot.

Bucky has the decency to roll his eyes before beckoning her along. Ana stops him, grabbing his had, squeezing as hard as she can.

“You aren’t a killer,” Ana reprimands. “Not to me.”

They’re aware they don't have time to argue this topic, so Bucky just lifts her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. “Let’s go.”

They hear more fighting, more shouting. Bucky holds his arm out before they reach a set of metal doors, checking back at her once more. Ana nods, determine to fucking leave this place. Guns at the ready, Bucky kicks the doors open. They come face to face with Hawkeye.

There's a moment of relieved surprise washing over Ana, before Clint pulls his bow back and releases. The arrow flies over her shoulder, hitting someone behind her. When she turns to look, another guard had been sneaking up behind them. Bucky turns, slamming the doors shut, then roughly kicks off the handle.

"Sorry it took so long." Clint quips, jerking his head for them to follow him. "That GPS in your arm was on the level of Map Quest."

"Tony's going to kill you for that." Ana responds, smiling despite the situation. She surveys around the room, a large open area that looks more like a hanger for planes than anything else.

Bucky inform Clint of what happened, or at least the shortened version of it. Up ahead, Ana spots more guards fighting, and it suddenly dawns on her that this is a unknown Hydra facility. A flash of red and gold whizzes through the air, Ana's heart soaring in her chest; Tony. Next she watches as Natasha takes down four Hydra agents without breaking a sweat.

"Is everyone here?" Ana questions, her heart swelling with the notion. She stumbles reaching out to the nearest thing, which happens to be Clint's forearm.

"Of course." He scoffs, gripping her elbow. “Did us think we wouldn’t all come for you both?” His expression morphs into concern. "You alright? How injured are you?"

"Woods shoved a fucking five pronged disk in her knee. Disabled the rods.” Bucky tells him, his tone murderous again. "We need to get her out of here, now."

Clint helps Ana straighten up, only to pass her over to Bucky. "The Quin-jet is hovering just above the roof access there. We'll clear a path as much as we can." He presses two fingers to his ear. "Do guys copy that?"

Ana grips Bucky's arm. "I want to help."

He shoots her a hard look, his blue eyes blazing. "Abso-fucking-lutely not!”

"Bucky."

He tucks one of the guns under his arm, placing his hand on her face. "Ana, please. For once, just protect yourself. I'm getting you out of here."

His point is made when bullets suddenly fly towards the three of them. Bucky drops the one gun, shielding Ana away with his left arm. They tinker off his arm as they hurry behind a stack of metal crates. Once they're out of the way and the bullets stop, both of them pop out from behind their cover, firing their weapons.

Ana quickly runs out of ammo, cursing the stupid guard who was too lazy to put in a new magazine. Clint fires an arrow across the room, exploding into a small group of Hydra agents. Ana feels her skin prickling, can feel the surge of energy racing up her spine. It's everywhere. Kinetic, negative and positive, charged and burning, radiating off of people and their weapons. Her fingertips tingle with it, so palpable she can almost grab it.

Inhaling through her nose, she gathers the energy around her, until she can feel it burning in her hands. The agents found their hiding spot, ten of them quickly advancing. Ana smirks, then channels the kinetic energy into the metal creates. Three of them go flying ahead, taking out all ten guards.

"I did not know you could do that." Clint sounds impressed, shooting another arrow without looking. It lands in a guards shoulder, taking him down.

Bucky looks curious, yet proud of her. Ana shrugs, it's a new discovery herself. Something heavy lands onto of the top remaining creates. When Ana looks up she waves at Steve, dressed in his Captain's uniform, his shield hooked on his arm. He gives her an exasperated look, before he waves back, his gaze shifting over to Bucky.

"Causing trouble, pal?" He teases.

"Was starting to get bored, I guess." Bucky quips back, shrugging.

Steve chuckles, then jumps down, landing light on his feet. He places his free hand on Ana's shoulder, blue eyes filled with worry. He quickly does a scan of her body. From her busted lip, to her cheek where a bruise is probably beginning to form, as well as her neck, to her knee, and frowns. There's the same fire of anger sparking in his eyes, though no where near as murderous as Bucky's.

“Okay?” Steve checks quietly.

The sincerity in his voice, the angry set of his jaw, the comforting hand squeezing her shoulder, nearly overwhelms Ana. Her bottom lips trembles for a moment, before she regains her emotions. She nods shakily. Steve sees right through her but returns her nod after a short pause. He lifts his eyes to meet with Bucky, who responds with a slight tilt of his head forward; their own silent communication.

"Vision and Wanda are clearing path right now." Steve informs them. "Just fifty yards ahead and up the stairs. There's a ladder leading to the roof access where the jet is. Sharon and Agent Hill are there. But you need to go now."

Bucky doesn't hesitate as he tugs Ana along. She tries to run at full sped, but she hisses when something in her knee snaps. She grips Bucky's shirt as he shoots a stray guard down. He turns to help her, when something flies past them.

"Sam!" He shouts, wrapping his metal arm around her waist. He hoists her up a bit, so all her weight is off her right leg. Sam circles back around, landing next to them. He quickly goes to her other side grabbing her arm to place around his neck.

"Take her to the second level close to the roof." Bucky instructs. To Ana he says, "I'll meet you up there."

"Be careful." Ana tells him. Sam carefully picks her up as Bucky did earlier.

Bucky smiles and nods, then takes off. He turns for a moment. "Wilson!"

"I've got her!" Sam yells back. "Hold on tight, honey."

Ana tightens her arm around his neck, gripping his shirt. The wings of his pack shoot open then Sam is taking off into the air. The sensation of flying Ana will never get used to. She yelps when Sam has to twirl and maneuver out of the way of gunfire. It only takes thirty seconds before he lands again, gently setting her down.

"Take this." He instructs, pulling a small gun from his holster and shoving it in her hands. "He's right behind you. I'll see you later."

"Thanks Sam." Ana sighs out, readying the gun.

He points a finger at her. "Don't you scare me like that again, Ana. I mean it." Then he takes off.

Ana spots Bucky running up the stairs, a Hydra guard following after him. She aims the gun and shoots, hitting the guard in the leg twice. He goes down hard, as Bucky takes the rest of the stairs two at a time. He reaches her, quickly wrapping his arm around her lower back and helping her along. The majority of the fighting is now several yards behind them. She tucks the gun away.

When they reach the ladder, Bucky carefully shift his hold to her hips as Ana wraps her hands around the thin bars. He gently pushes her up as far as he can. She painfully makes it up seven steps, before gunfire rings out. Ana yelps, slipping down the steps. 

She falls backwards but Bucky catches her, cursing loudly. A new pain blooms in her left shoulder, and when she looks, a bleeding bullet hole is the cause. Bucky blocks her from of the line of fire with his left arm, when abruptly the firing ceases.

When they look below, Erik Woods is there, gun in hand. Unfortunately, it's not the only weapon he has. His right arm is shoved into a device that looks like a blaster of some kind. A malicious grin spreads across his mouth as the weapon makes a winding noise, the end of it glowing yellow. Ana realizes with horror it's an energy laser gun, aimed directly at them both.

"I don't need you alive, Rios!" Erik yells, a manic look on his face.

Ana yanks Bucky aside, the blast missing him by a foot. He grabs the gun from his belt, shooting at Erik, but he dodges the bullets. Ignoring her throbbing, bleeding shoulder, Ana takes out Sam's gun and fires, blood swirling down her arm. 

She's able to nick Erik's leg, the size of the blaster blocking his chest. Bucky aims for his hand, hitting dead on, the hand gun falls to the ground. Bucky shoots again, hitting his shoulder, leg, and stomach before Erik dives behind a create. Briefly, Ana wonders how Erik hasn’t died yet, if there's a possibly he has his own form of knock off serum.

Ana drops the gun once it's out of bullets. Instead, she quickly pulls the kinetic energy from the air. As she does so, Erik pops out from the other side of the crate. He aims the blaster, shooting it directly at Ana. Bucky lunges to protect her.

There's a flash of light, a crunching sound and they're both sent flying to the floor from the force of the attack. Shaking her head to clear her vision, Ana sits up the as Bucky pushes himself up. She gasps in horror, a shaky hand flies over her mouth, the sight of in font of her nearly makes her vomit.

Bucky's metal arm has been completely shot off. Nothing left but a stump of broken, glowing red scorched wires, chords and scrapped metal. He is slow to get to his knees, wobbles dangerously. He glances to his side, just to see nothing there. His expression is one of absolute anguish. He looks like he's going into shock, like his body is shutting down from the trauma. Then he passes out, falling heavily to the ground.

"Bucky!" Ana screams. 

All her senses come back to her, but the only thing she feels is the utter terror in her heart. She crawls over to him, bleeding and dizzy and panicked, just as another blast is sent her way.

Ana spins, catching the energy beam in her hands. The force shoves her back, slams her against a metal pillar. Slowly she stands, but doesn't feel any pain, just a white hot sensation in her hands. It surges throughout her body, ignites very vein, every fiber of her being down to her core. She concentrates on the glowing light, keeps it contained between her palms as the beam comes to an end. She vaguely hears another gunshot as something pierces her stomach. All she focuses on is the blazing energy in her hands, conforming it to her will.

She inhales slowly, shuts her eyes, inches her hands closer and closer until the light begins to fade. She clenches her fist, lowering her arms. Ana adsorbs the energy, containing it in her body, her arms trembling. When her eyes snap open, she feels them burning. Her skin on fire, her blood boiling, her fingertips sizzling. Through the searing white light of her eyes, stands a dark silhouette.

Raising her hands, Ana thrusts them forward. The watts of energy leaves her body, rushes out like water breaking open a dam, sent directly towards the silhouette. She wraps it around the figure, clenching her hands and tugs. A new sensation crashes over her body, tugging and pulling until the other source of energy starts to fade away. She continues to pull and pull, until she begins to feel every drop drain from her body, a slow weakness left behind. She refuses to stop, yearns to drain the figures force of energy to nothing.

There's a soft graze to her calf, the gentlest of touches. Abruptly, the energy halts. All bright lights dissipates. Ana can hardly see through distorted vision, smoke and electrical currents racing along the ceiling. Her heart pumps weakly in her chest before she crumples to the ground. Something touches her lips, tender and trembling, but when she cracks her eyes open, she can't see anything other than blurred shapes.

"Stay with me..."

The words are a whispered panic; a begging request. She can't place the voice, barely registers the words. Her heart flutters once more then stops. The world goes black.

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[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Chp 35

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Warnings:  Explicit Content. Language. 18+

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Words: 4.9k+ @justreadingfics​ @nerdyandproud9​ @buffy-morgendorffer-01

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Anticipation is something that never really got to Ana. Most likely because she can feel and read the energy before the situation and prepares herself the best way possible. She is not prepared for this, or the fluttering, prickling nerves racing throughout her veins. She places her hand on the door handle, slowly turning it. When it doesn't doesn’t halt from the lock, a flicker of excitement sparks alive in her. She opens the door.

Bucky is sitting there, on his bed, looking as if he expected her, as if he was waiting to see what she would do. What her reaction would be. The lighting in his room is dim, just the small lamp on the desk is turned on. Through the half darkened room, Ana can see the blush tinting at his cheeks. His lips are parted just slightly, and his eyebrows twitch together for a moment, like he's waiting for her denial. 

She quietly closes the door behind her, manually locking it, and hitting the electronic one as well. Then, Ana presses her thumb to a button under the light switch, and a sudden quietness comes over the room. Her heart is racing so fast, she's surprised it hasn't flown out her chest yet. Bucky stares at her with wide, curious eyes as she stands there, his own chest rising and falling a little rapidly. Ana takes a step forward, quietly inhaling. She decides to just for it. She can't take it any longer.

"You can't," She begins, keeping her voice low. "Just say those things to me, and expect me to let you walk away." She takes another step, then another. "Expect me not to doing something about it. It's not fair, Bucky."

He frowns. "Ana-"

She shakes her head, nearly reaching the bed. "It's not fair for you to say those insanely, beautiful things to me, but you won't let me say them back."

Finally, her knees hit the side of the bed, and ever so slowly, so she doesn't freak him out, puts her knee on the mattress. She lifts her other leg up and over his, both knees now on either side of his thighs. She hears Bucky's breath shudder, hears the plates of his left arm whine and shift as he grips the sheets. He swallows thickly, Ana watching his throat bob. She leans forward a little, pushing her fingers through his soft, brown hair, away from his pretty eyes.

"Do you honestly think I don't want any of what you said either?" She whispers, hovering over his body. Just her fingers in his hair. "That I don't think about your lips every single day? How I imagine you kissing me as hard as you did that night. Do you think I don't want to taste you again? That it was completely fine, that I was completely fine after you pressed me so close to you? I could feel how hard you were, Bucky."

Ana leans forward more, slightly to the side until her lips are brushing against the shell of his ear. She hears his breath stop all together, and his legs shift beneath her.

"Did you think you could make me that incredibly wet, so insanely turned on that I didn't just want to rip your clothes off and have you that night?"

"Ana," Bucky barely breathes out.

She moves back until she can see his eyes again. HIs irises have darkened, like the ocean after a storm and Ana is captivated, mainly because Bucky is peering at her with sultry, lust filled eyes. He's biting his lip hard enough it’s turning pale. Ana lifts her free hand, gently tugging his bottom lip from assaulting his teeth.

"I want the same thing as you, Bucky." She continues, "I want you in every way. I want to kiss you again. I want you to kiss me again. I want to feel your strong body pressed against mine, holding me tight because you are the safest thing I have ever felt. But don’t you think, before you make the decision for both of us, that I get a say in what I deserve too?"

Bucky's eyes fall shut, his head tilting back until he hits the headboard. He's swallowing again, his breathing now coming out in shallow pants. Ana places both her hands on his scruffy cheeks, tilting his head back up. She strokes her thumbs along his cheekbones until he reopens his eyes, staring straight at her.

"I want you, James Buchanan Barnes." Ana tells him fiercely. "I have wanted you for so long, and I'll be damned if the only reason you are holding back is because you're scared and think you don't deserve me. I will be the judge of that."

Ana leans back, taking her hands off his face. Slowly, she grabs the hem of her shirt, pulling it halfway up her stomach. She pauses to make sure Bucky is okay with this. Looking for any sign that says he's uncomfortable. There isn't any. He nods minutely, almost like he’s in a trance.

She continues to pull at her shirt, slowly tugging it up as she reveals her breasts, covered in a blue, laced bra. She tugs it over her head and drops it to the floor. The air sounds like it catches in Bucky's throat and he blinks once, a blush coloring his cheeks, to his ear, down his neck. He lifts his right hand like he wants to reach out and touch, but he drops it at the last second, gripping the sheet.

"Bucky," Ana mutters coming close once more and finally sitting down on his lap. "Do you want to kiss me again?"

"Y-yes." Bucky rasps out, still in shock.

Ana brushes their noses together. "Then kiss me."

His hand suddenly grabs her by the back of the neck, bringing her down until their lips sear together. It's just as fast and dirty as it was the first time, automatically opening their mouths up for each other. Tongues swiping together, tracing lips, teeth and mapping the inside of each other’s mouths. Ana feels Bucky's left hand at the base of her spine and pushes her forward.

She gasps into his mouth, the sensation of his hard cock between her legs ignites fires in her stomach. She whimpers as he does it again, and again and again until Ana is moving her hips for him. Her hands frantically grab the bottom of his shirt, sliding it up his abs, over his toned chest. They break briefly so she can take the shirt off, dropping it to the ground.

It's in this moment that something changes in pace. Bucky reaches his hand up, gently pushing her hair behind her ear, looking up at her like she's something he has never seen before. She feels like she's drowning as she stares into those deep blue eyes. Filled with lust and desire, and something underlying that she can't place. Something that has been there for a long time and she hasn’t noticed until now. It makes her heart stutter.

Bucky kisses her again, but this time, it's much slower. He sets a more sensual pace, their slick lips sliding together, kissing each other deeply. He curls his tongue in her mouth and it makes Ana's toes curl. She can feel his hand trail slowly up and down her side and over to her ribs, down her spine, tracing her scars. His fingers dance delicately over her skin, until he reaches the back of her bra. As much as she wants to show him, now isn't the time.

Ana leans back, smiling softly down at him. She brushes aside his hair once more. "Please, Bucky." She whispers, "I want to show you how much I want you."

"Ana." Bucky groans, voice rough. "I believe you, darling."

"I know. Just trust me." She kisses his lips once more, then pulls back.

It takes a lot of effort to get off the bed, but she does it. Only to slowly slide her black leggings down her thighs, her shins, stepping out of them. Now she's left nearly exposed to Bucky, blue bra and purple panties, because she can never match her underwear and she didn't prepare for something like this to happen.

Bucky blinks twice. "Goddamn." He murmurs.

Ana has to bite her lips, feeling a little shy as she realizes every scar, every injury she has had, is on display. His burning under his gaze doesn’t let up. It’s then she remembers Bucky is still wearing his own jeans. So, she climbs back over him, her hands going to the waist line of his pants. Bucky seems to snap back from his daze, and with shaky fingers, helps Ana unbutton and unzip. He lifts his hips up, pulling them down enough until Ana can finish the rest, tugging them down his thick muscular thighs that have her mouth watering, until they're completely off his long legs.

She sits on his thighs, leaning her upper body forward and kisses him softly. Lips moving against each other several times, before Ana gently bites at his bottom lip. She trails her mouth from his red bitten mouth, down his chin, his beard scraping over her lips, and over to his strong jaw. She nips lightly at the spot, a part of him she has always been fond of, then down to his neck. She nips a little bit harder and Bucky groans beneath her.

His hands grip her hips, squeezing and kneading. His slides his touch up her sides, the contrast between warm and cool making Ana shiver. Makes waves curl in her stomach, desire licking at her bones. She moves her mouth to his collarbones, licking along the skin there, tasting a twinge of salt but she can't get enough. She continues down his left peck, her lips meeting where the base of his metal arm starts, slowly kissing over the scars.

Bucky tenses up beneath her. "Ana.” It sounds like a warning; it sounds nervous.

"Shh," She breathes against his skin, before looking up at him. "I don't think you know how beautiful I think you are. Always have. Handsome, gorgeous, every single part of you. Even the parts you don't like. I like them all, Bucky."

He shakes his head in disbelief. "You're too good for me."

Ana reaches out to put her fingers over his mouth. "Hush, darling. You're ruining my work."

It makes him chuckle and that's all she wants. Bucky kisses her fingertips as Ana continues to kiss over each scar. She takes her hand away from his mouth, opting to rub both of hers over his strong thighs, using her nails lightly. It causes another moan from Bucky, and she licks over each defined ab until she's at the waistband of his boxers.

She looks up at him once more, but his eyes are squeezed shut. Ana leans up. "Bucky? You okay?"

"I'm good." He rushes out, voice already strained. "It just been...a long time. A really, really long time and I...I'm fine."

"I can stop if you-"

"God, no. No. Please, Ana." He finally opens his eyes, smiling at her. "Just don't laugh if this is over way too quickly."

Ana pushes herself forward, kissing his mouth once. "I would never. Just want you to feel good, no matter how fast or slow that is."

Bucky nods as she pushes herself back down. He bites his bottom lip, but keeps his eyes on her. Ana kisses his hip, then pulls her eyes away and focuses on the defined V line. She bites it softly, wanting to do that since she first saw him shirtless. It's just as delicious as she thought it would be. 

Slowly, she hooks her thumbs under the band of the boxers, and takes her time tugging them down. She kisses his navel, then the crease of each thigh, then the top of his groin, surprised by how soft the downy hair is there. Finally, Ana finishes pulling the boxers down far enough, ignoring something rather important until she takes the material off his feet and tosses them behind her.

Air catches in her throat. Her heart flutters and her stomach flips. Bucky is leaning back against the headboard of the bed, all splayed out and naked beneath her. He is glorious, in every way she can think of. In ways she couldn't even imagine. His broad shoulders and thick chest are rising and falling rapidly, as if he's nervous, shy. His abs clench as he grips the sheets, shifting his hips.

The movement draws Ana's focus between his legs. She blows out the breath caught in her throat. She has been with a few men before, but no one comes close to how beautiful Bucky is. Especially his cock. He's incredibly hard, thick and curving towards his stomach, precum already leaking from the head. Ana blinks, then moves down his legs, and gently takes hold of the base of him.

Bucky hisses at the contact, hands twisting his tighter in the sheets. Ana smiles up at him once, then carefully darts her tongue out, licking the beads of precum. She hears him gasp above her, so she continues to touch him, softly kissing the underside of the head. She swirls her tongue around the rim twice, then takes the head of his cock between her lips.

"Fuck." Bucky curses softly. 

Ana tries not to smirk. She spends a few long moments just suckling at the head, the little sounds Bucky is making turning her on. She pulls back with a quiet little smack. Then, she shifts her hand, and licks a board, wet strip from the base of his cock, to the head, pressing firmly against the vein there.

"Ana...holy- ah! Shit!"

Once she had gotten to the head again, Ana had taken half of him in her mouth, keeping it as wet and tight as she can. There's a small ripping sound that makes her pull off with a small pop. She looks to her right and sees that Bucky's left hand has ripped a little hole in the sheets. She smirks, then makes eye contact with him, who can't seem to look away.

She envelops him once more hallowing her cheeks, taking him down, inch by inch, as deep she she can go, meeting her fist. She breathes slow and steady through her nose, then quickly takes Bucky's hands and places them in her hair. He moans loudly, and Ana has to come up for air coughing twice, being that she's a bit rusty. When she goes back down again, bobbing her head up and down, Bucky's fingers tighten in her hair.

"Fucking hell, I'm not gonna...last..." He grits out through clenched teeth.

Ana can feel his thighs tensing and sees his abs clenching. She continues to suck him, setting a consistent medium pace. She tightens her lips around him, presses her tongue flat against the underside as she moves up and down. At one point, his cock hits the back of her throat and Ana nearly chokes herself, pulling off with an obscene pop, gasping for air.

"Oh fuck, Annie. I think-"

Ana pumps her hands quickly, slick clicking noises filling the space between them. 

"Come, Bucky. It's alright. I want you too." She tells him kindly, smiling as his head falls back against the board with a thud.

She removes one hand, then puts her mouth back on his cock, feeling it fill up on her tongue. Bucky's grip tightens again, he isn't pushing, more like holding on as if this is all a dream. It's not. The salty, somehow a little sweet, taste of him is incredibly real, and Ana might get addicted. With her free hand, she gently cups his balls, full and heavy and Bucky jerks.

On a sharp twist of her wrist, and a hard suck of her mouth, Bucky tenses up. He releases a low, but long moan as he suddenly comes in her mouth. Hot, thick strands landing as her tongue as Ana pulls back just a little. When he seems to be finished, she carefully kisses the tip of his cock, licking up anything she may have missed.

She sits up and leans back on her heels. She wipes the corner of her mouth with her thumb, before pushing a few drops of his cum inside her mouth and sucking it clean, swallowing the last of what she already had. Taking a deep breath, Ana looks down at Bucky, whose eyes are half lidded.

"I think..." He pants, sweat glistening on his chest. "You killed me."

Laughing, Ana crawls back over him, pushing his damp hair back. "Tell me, Soldier. Does that serum give you stamina in bed too?"

He huffs, inhaling deeply, and trailing his hands down her shoulders. "I honestly have no idea, but please. Let’s find out."

Abruptly, Bucky sits up, grabbing Ana by the nape of her neck and kissing her hard. It makes her whimper. She will probably never get used to Bucky kissing her like that. His hands go to the back of her bra, unhooking it with a quick flick of his thumb. Which, alright, that's a nice little skill to have. Ana helps him take the bra off, dropping it to the side. She pushes him back again and his eyes widen as they fall to her chest.

"You know when you dream of something, but in reality, it's just so much better?" Bucky asks breathlessly.

"You've dreamt about this?" Ana chuckles, then bites her lip. 

Bucky had reached out and is now trailing his fingers over her breasts, pinching lightly at her nipples. Ana's eyes flutter close.

"God, those are so sensitive." She mumbles, gasping when his fingers roll her nipples.

He hums. "You're are stunning, Ana. I hope you know that." Then he is kissing her neck, sucking hard at a spot.

"Bucky...shit, babe." She shifts a little, moving her leg over his and sits.

She can feel him smirk against her skin and he props the leg she is straddling up. Ana moans, because the movement presses his thick, firm, muscular thigh against her clit. She can feel how wet she is, especially when she slides forward a little.

"Figured you might have a thing for my thighs." Bucky mutters against her skin. "The first night I kissed you, you were practically grinding against them."

"Sue me." Ana quips breathless, grinding forward just a little. "Do you have any idea how wet you fucking make me?"

She pushes him back, leans up on her knees and finally takes her panties off. She quickly rolls to the side to pull them off completely, but when she comes back, Bucky's mouth is opened wide. She smirks, taking his right hand. She trails his fingers down her breasts, over her stomach, and past her navel.

"Annie," He breathes out, swallowing. 

He moves his hand by himself, though she keeps her fingers there. Slowly, he trails his hand over her smooth pubic bone, then looks up at her, like he's asking permission. She nods. Bucky slowly slips his fingers between her legs and he groans loudly.

"Told you." She whimpers, gripping his shoulder. "Fuck. Oh, yes. Yeah. Do that."

Bucky chuckles, continuing to rub two of his fingers against her clit. Ana drops her head back, as he goes a little faster, slipping his fingers further down her slickness, until he slowly enters one into her soaked entrance. Ana nods, then nearly collapses against his chest as he begins to finger her. It must be muscle memory, because suddenly, Bucky has two pumping fingers inside her while his palm grazes over her clit.

"Bucky, holy hell. You're...you're so...fuck. Can I please fuck you now?"

Slowly, Bucky pulls his hand away. "What?"

"Please," Ana leans down to kiss him passionately.

"Yes. God yes." He's saying against her lips.

Ana pulls back and frantically reaches for the nightstand. "Funny story, that started out as a joke. Sam kept making comments about bringing people home, but what if someone changes rooms or something and you look for something and it's just not there. Night is ruined."

"Did you really just bring up Wilson?" Bucky asks flatly.

"I said, Hedwig, you are crazy." She finds was she's looking for, holding it up. "Not so much anymore."

"He put condoms in every room?" He laughs.

"Yes. Now." Ana leans close to his ear. "Enough talk about that, he's not the ones whose name I'll be screaming soon."

"Christ, you're a fucking minx."

Ana quickly rips open the packet, but Bucky stops her. Suddenly, the energy in the room turns incredibly nervous. When Ana looks at him, she knows why. His confidence is abruptly gone, there's a deep frown on his eyebrows.

"It's literally been seventy-five years, Ana. I don't know what I'm doing anymore." He whispers anxiously.

She kisses his cheek. "We'll go slow, if you still want to."

"I do." He promises.

"Remember The Notebook?"

"Yeah."

"There ya go."

Bucky kisses her deeply, their tongues slowly dancing together. Ana takes the condom out as they kiss, and gently grabs his cock, which has become hard again in the matter of minutes. She rolls it on, then swings her leg over his other hip straddling him.

"I've got you, Bucky." She tells him softly. "Do what feels natural to you. If you want to touch me, please do. Kiss me, touch me, talk to me, anything that feels good for you."

Bucky bring his left hand to gently cup her cheek, the metal no longer cool due to the heat in the room. He rests his right hand against her hip, over the scars on her skin, and just holds onto her.

Once she's lined up, Ana lowers herself down slowly, inch by inch, biting her lip at how big Bucky is. She focuses on how good he feels, hard and thick, can feel the heat of him through the thin condom. Once she's fully seated, she can't help but drop her head back in bliss for a second, panting slightly and waiting to adjust- he’s thick and it’s been a while- hands anchored on his laboring abs. Ana picks her head up and presses her forehead against his.

"Alright?" She inquires, just to make sure.

"You feel incredible." Bucky murmurs, panting and wetly kissing her chin. "So fucking beautiful, doll."

"Fuck." Ana usually hates that pet name, but at the moment, it's getting to her in the best of ways.

Slowly, she grinds her hips in sensual circles, allowing Bucky to get used to the wet, tight heat of her. He's filling her up so much, so amazingly, that Ana can't keep that slow pace for long.

She feels Bucky's trembling hands trail all over her body, up and down her sides, tracing the words tattooed on her skin. She feels like there's fire blazing after his touch, burning her in the best way possible. Ana lifts her hips up slightly, then slowly brings them down again. She repeats the movement, slowly working up to the faster pace.

They're both moaning, gripping each other tight in every place they can; shoulders, hips, ass, hair, thighs. Bucky pulls back to look her in the eyes, and Ana is captivated. His eyes are the bluest she's ever seen them, pupils blown wide with desire. He's looking at her with so much adoration it takes her breath right out of her lungs. She smiles at him, then leans down to kiss him, causing him to slip half way out of her. Their moans mix together, creating their own soundtrack each other’s lips. The kiss is heated, opened mouth and tongues dancing together, tracing teeth and mapping out routes. 

Once Ana pulls away to sit up, she drops back down slowly, breath hitching in her throat. She grinds up and down, swirls her hips around in figure eights, reveling in the way Bucky is moaning beneath her. His hands come to grip her hips, fingers digging into her skin as she starts bouncing up and down a little quicker. 

Her heart is racing, her skin burning up all over and all she can really focus on is Bucky; how he feels inside her, his hold gentle yet secure on her hips. Ana moves her hands from his abs to cover his hands with her own, fingers fitting into the space between his. Her eyes fall shut, head dropping back as she speeds up, moaning out his name.

When she reopens her eyes, Bucky's mouth drops open, hands suddenly gripping her ass and pulling her closer. Helping her grind against him and lifts her up with his arms and his sheer enhanced strength. His eyes are shining up at her, ablaze with emotions, that Ana beings to feel, singing through her blood.

"Not gonna last, sweetheart." He tells her, his left arm coming up along her spine and slipping into her hair. He is rocking her forward against him, makes him hit inside her deeper, longer. Ana whimpers.

"You're so big, Bucky, holy shit. You're going to make me come incredibly fast." She responds, her eyes slipping shut.

"Yeah?" He whispers. "Gonna come around my cock, Annie?"

He sounds so innocent as he says it, but holy fuck, if it isn't the hottest thing he's said so far. "Fuck, Bucky." 

Ana rides him faster, her grinds and bouncing becoming sloppier. "You're making me feel so fucking good. You feel so good."

"Ana." He hisses, tensing up under her. "I think...fuck, baby!"

Bucky’s cock twitches inside her, and Ana clenches around him, grinding as much as she can. He grips the roots of her hair, pulling her down and kissing her deeply as he comes inside her. He pushes her against him sharply pressing against that spot inside her, and abruptly, Ana is coming as well.

They hold each other close as they both come down sharing slow, sweet kisses. It takes a minute, then carefully, Bucky is tilting her to the side, laying Ana down and gently slipping out of her. Their panting breaths fill the room, sweat cooling on their skin, cheeks burning with extortion. 

She feels Bucky shift around, then hears a tiny rustling noise, like he threw something away; the condom she figures. Ana makes herself roll over, hooking her knee over his right thigh and propping herself up on her elbow. Bucky is already grinning up at her, reaching his left hand up to unstick some hairs from her forehead. She kisses the palm of his metal hand as he does it.

"Hi." He murmurs, his thumb stroking her cheek.

"Hi." Ana smiles back, her voice just as quiet. Bucky leans up to kiss her gently.

"Fuck." She breathes after they break part. "Why'd did this take so fucking long? This whole time we could have been having amazing sex."

Bucky breaks to into a loud laugh, wrapping his flesh arm around her waist and pulling her closer. "Forgive me, Annie. I was a bit slow on the uptake."

Ana gently bites at his jaw. "It's only because I'm in a post coitus haze that you're getting away with that name, Snowflake."

"I think you secretly love it. Did you just use the word coitus?"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

She gives him a wide, sleepy smile, suddenly feeling a little drained from the events of the entire day. That soft look in his eyes is back. He brings her closer to his face, kissing her again. Just soft, sweet little kisses, and they do nothing to bring her heart beat back to normal. Bucky's fingers trace along her skin so delicately, she wonders if he's even touching her.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." Bucky whispers against her mouth.

Ana ducks her head down, hiding her face in his chest. His skin is hot and damp, but she doesn't want to move.

"You really know how to make a girl blush, Barnes. You've got a mouth on you." She nips at his chest. Ana's head bounces a little as he chuckles. 

"Stay with me, please?" He asks, his voice suddenly serious, almost timid.

Ana leans up to stare into his eyes. "Of course." She promises.

The smile Bucky gives her would brighten any cloudy day. It makes his eyes crinkle at the corners and she think this is his best smile ever. Soft, and rarely basking in the happiness in his life, but most importantly, he's looking at her. Bucky brings her head forward so he can kiss her forehead.

Ana adjusts after that, wiggling down until she's comfortable, resting her head on Bucky's chest. He shifts for a moment and then he's pulling up his sheet up to their hips. Ana wraps her arm over his stomach, feeling his left hand intertwining their fingers. Then she feels his free hand slowly run his fingers up and down her shoulder. The sound of his steady heartbeat lulls her into a slumber.

"Ana," Bucky speaks up after a while. She hums her response. "What was the button you hit earlier, the one under the light switch."

"Hmm." She exhales deeply, frowning in thought. "Oh. Turns on the sound barrier."

"The what?"

"Tony had it installed while building the compound. For privacy, or so he said. It came in handy."

"Think we can use that to our advantage?" Bucky questions, a mirthful tone to his voice.

Ana kisses his chest. "I plan on it." She mumbles.

"Go to sleep, beautiful."

She snuggles closer to him, smiling to herself. She feels happy, comfortable and her last thought as she drifts off, she is that never wants to leave this moment. Bucky holding her close with his arms wrapped tightly around her.

 *********************************************************************************

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[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Chp 44

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language. Fluffy fluff and coffee.

Words: 5k+   @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01

(first gif by @dailyteamcap​ I do not own any gifs/pic I have or may use)

Waking next to a cold, empty spot on the bed, when there shouldn't be a cold empty spot on the bed, causes Ana to panic internally. It's a slow build up, realizing Bucky isn't next to her, but she shoots up when she does. Thankfully, it only takes her one minute to notice she's in her room and another to know that Bucky probably hasn't strayed too far.

Ana slowly slides out of her bed, wincing at the popping noise in her right knee as she stands. She stretches her arms above her head, a faint ache pulling at the source of her bruises. Spotting Bucky's blue henley on the floor in a heap, Ana picks it up and tugs it over her head. The shirt isn't overly big, she's not drowning in it, but the hem line does come down just barely pass her ass. The sleeves are the biggest part, mainly because Bucky's arms are ridiculous, and the sleeves fall over her hands. She grabs a pair of sleep short, tugging them up her legs before exiting her room.

The delicious nutty aroma of coffee captures her nose immediately, pulling her toward the kitchen. She stops at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall. Bucky is there, pouring a splash of creamer into a coffee mug, then repeats the process for another cup. He stirs them both at the same time with two different spoons.

Trailing her eyes over his gorgeous body, Ana takes in his appearance. His brown hair, usually straight, is tousled with a slight wave to it, as if Ana's tugging fingers resulted in that way. Bucky has pushed his hair away from his face, allowing the morning light to catch his eyes. They look bright, glittering like fractals on an ocean surface, as he turns to put away the creamer. His face is soft, sleepy, with a tiny smile lifting the corners of his mouth; his lips red and kiss swollen.

She notes a few darker spots beneath his facial hair, littered along his jawline and the highest points of his neck. Bucky is wearing a pair of black sweat pants and a gray tank top, the neckline barely covering red little marks on his chest. Ana might have gotten a bit carried away nipping at his delicious skin.

Bucky's left arm gleams against the sunlight streaming through the patio doors, his fingers wrapping around a mug. As the plates shift and slide, Ana suddenly remembers how good they felt on her skin; how good they feel. He's always so gentle with his metal arm, always so sure and careful never to hurt her, but she knows exactly how fast and hard his fingers curl inside her.

Ana swallows down the spike of arousal, ignoring it and shakes the thoughts from her mind. Bucky turns then, facing the hallway, pausing when he sees her. She smiles sweetly at him, pushing herself off the wall toward the kitchen. He's returning the smile, wide and bright as Ana takes the mugs and places them down on the counter once more.

"You know, sweetheart." Bucky begins, his voice a little gritty and low in the morning. "I had a plan to wake you up with coffee, then come back here to make breakfast but-"

Ana lifts herself up on her toes, cupping the side of his neck and kisses his soft lips. Bucky sighs into her mouth, his hands coming to rest on her hips. She slowly moves her lips against his, slipping her hand to the back of his head, lightly gripping his hair. Bucky keeps their kiss slow and simple, just lazy movements of their lips molding together.

"You were going to make me breakfast?" Ana questions once she pulls back.

He grins down at her, wide and bright and it makes Ana's heart swell. Makes heat surge throughout her body, and her stomach does repetitive flips. She's so, incredibly in love with his man.

"And coffee." He adds on. His thumb swipes along her jaw. "You're stunning in the morning, did you know that?" He pecks her lips again. "I like you wearing my shirt."

"You're very sweet, babe." Ana whispers against his mouth. "And beautiful." She kisses him again. "Handsome." Another kiss. "And left me alone in bed to do all these lovely things."

Bucky chuckles, pulling back a little. "Figured you might be sleeping still." He brushes her hair behind her ear, thumb pressing against the tattoo there. "What better way to wake up than with coffee?"

"You." Ana states simply.

It's so sickeningly sweet it almost rots her own teeth. She can't help it though. Her feelings are swirling in a chaotic storm inside her, reaching a depth she didn’t think possible. She has never felt this way about anyone ever before. It's alluring, exhilarating and scary all wrapped up in one. She almost wants to tell him, to confess how much she loves him, but the time isn't just right yet, maybe she'll wait until after they finish the Deprogramming Sessions.

Bucky's eyes soften. "I know that feeling." He says. His eyebrows pinched together briefly. He cups her face with both hands. "I don't deserve you, Annie doll."

"That's a new one, Winter Snowflake." Ana gently tugs on his hair. The new nickname nearly takes away from what he said. "Also, I beg to differ."

He just dips his head down and kisses her in response. It's tantalizingly soft, making her bare toes curls against the title floor. It sets every one of her nerves on fire and Ana has to brace her hand on his chest to steady herself. They kiss slowly, like time doesn’t exist and they're not currently standing in the kitchen, with their coffee cooling in the mugs.

Abruptly, Bucky breaks the kiss, smiling sheepishly. He drops his hands from her face to her arms, and looks over his shoulder. Curious, Ana peer around his right arm, and standing right there is Pepper, dressed in white blouse, gray blazer and matching pencil skirt. Her cousin as an amused smirk on her lips, completing the full look of an executive business woman.

"Pep, hi!" Ana greets lightly. "Would you like some coffee?"

"I would." Pepper nods, her smirking growing into a full smile. "I was going to order breakfast from Luna's Bakery before I left, but you two look like you've had something better."

Ana blushes, stepping away from Bucky to grab the coffee pot. Bucky's eyes widen, and his cheeks are beginning to turn red, so he pulls another mug from the cabinet. Once he sets it down, he busies himself with the filter of the coffee machine. Ana glares at her as she fills the empty mug. Pepper shrugs nonchalantly.

"Wait," Ana speaks up, setting the pot down and grabbing her own mug. "You're leaving today?"

"Yes." Pepper sighs, carefully taking a sip of the coffee.

Cream and sugar appear suddenly in front of her, courtesy of Bucky. He goes to step away again, but Ana grabs his left hand. As Pepper thanks Bucky, Ana smiles up at him. She mouths that it's okay, offering him a reassuring look so he stays close. His eyes shift quickly over to Ana's cousin, then he drops a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Finished the final meeting last night." Pepper's voice redirects Ana's focus.

"How long this time?" Ana inquires, lifting her mug to her mouth and sipping.

"I'm not sure, Buggy." She answers, a sad tone to her voice.

"Buggy." Ana hears Bucky mutter against his cup. Great. Ana purposely steps on his big toe, which in turn makes him tug her the bottom of her hair.

"Not too long, I hope." Ana says. She can't help the pang of missing Pepper whenever she's gone.

"You can always visit me too." She reminders her. Ana's gaze shifts over to Bucky "When you're not otherwise busy here, that is."

When Ana looks back at Pepper she winks, making Ana roll her eyes. "Tony going too?"

"For a little. He's got to put in some appearances at a few seminars. This is a really good cup of coffee. Cinnamon?"

"Bucky made it." Ana beams at him.

Bucky looks a little startled to be in the conversation. "I can make more if you want?"

"Please, thank you. For the road." Pepper nods, giving him a friendly smile. Ana knows it to be one of acceptance and it makes her nerves settle.

Squeezing Ana's hand before he lets go, Bucky goes about making a fresh pot. Pepper catches her eye and gives her a look with wide, excited eyes. Ana just continues to drink her coffee.

*

When Ana walks Pepper out to the car, Tony lagging behind to chat with Steve, she pulls her cousin aside. She makes sure they're out of ear shot, looking over her shoulder to see how distracted the men are. Pepper has her eyebrows raised quizzically.

"I miss you, you know." Ana tells her quietly. "A lot."

"I do too. I worry about you, just as much recently." She responds, pulling her in for a hug.

Ana basks in the familiarity of it, the comfort, the family bond. She inhales her scent, reminding her of simpler times, of her brother, of her parents, of their family get togethers. Of home.

"I think you're in good hands though."

Pulling back from the hug, Ana says, "Do you really, because he doesn't seem to think so."

"I do." Pepper reiterates. "Despite his past, which I have come to understand, know and accept, was not of his own will, I do. I trust in your trust of him."

"Thank you." Ana breathes, feeling an unexpected weight lift from her shoulders. Having Pepper's approval means more than anything or anyone else's. "What about Tony?"

Pepper waves her hand. "He's really come around, don't worry about him. He sees it."

Ana takes a deep breath, checking over her shoulder once more. When she looks back at Pepper, she exhales. "Pepper. I'm in love with him."

The reaction Ana gets is not the reaction she could have guessed. Instead of pure shock, Pepper's face melts into a fond expression, a soft smile on her red lips. Her blue eyes flicker behind Ana's shoulder briefly, then back.

"I know you are," She says kindly, grabbing both Ana's hands and squeezing. Ana frowns quizzically. Pepper leans closer, keeping her voice low. "I have never seen you look at someone the way you look at him, Ana."

Ana feels like a small puff of air is punched out of her. She had no idea she looks at Bucky differently than anyone else. It's not like she can see her own face when gazing at him, that is ridiculous...she'd probably look ridiculously fond of him.

"Oh." She utter for lack of a better word. "Wait, you don't think he knows, do you?”

"I think he's just as oblivious." Pepper's smile slowly fades away. "Hey, what's the matter? Do you have reasons not to love him?"

Ana laughs incredulously, dropping her cousin's hands. "There's probably a million reasons why I shouldn't and he'd probably point them all out to me, but...there isn't. I don't have any hesitation about this, Pep. About him. That should scare me, right? Shouldn't I be scare or something? Shouldn't I have doubts or make a pro con list or, I don't know, run the other direction or something? Is it this normal for love to be this simple? I don't know, I've only ever loved a guy once and I was 20 and mainly because he bought me chocolate covered espresso beans all the time."

"Ana." Pepper laughs. "Yes, it can be that simple. Or it can be hard. It will be both at some point, but that’s how love is. That's alright, and you're alright. Don't work yourself into a freak out because you aren't freaking out."

"Right, you're right. I just wasn't expecting..." Ana waves her hand uselessly in the air between then.

"Honey!" Tony calls from next to the car. "You ready? If I spend another minute chatting with Yoda over here I might fall asleep."

Pepper levels him with a glare that makes Ana bite back a laugh. Steve is rolling his eyes behind Tony.

"Pep," Ana starts, pulling her cousins attention back to her. "Can you just keep this to yourself please?"

"Of course, Buggy." She pulls Ana in for a tight hug. "Don't hesitate to call if you need anything, Or just want to talk."

"Promise."

"Stay safe. Stop overexerting yourself. You make people worry."

"I promise."

Ana stands next to Steve waving goodbye as Tony drives them away. A rather heavy muscled arm wraps around her shoulders, Steve pulling his into his side for comfort.

When they head inside, they find Sam lounging on the couch, and Bucky sitting at the island. Ezra is there, continuously knocking his head into Bucky's hands holding his mug. His expression has Ana giggling. His eyes are set dead ahead with his lips pinched, and he keeps lifting his mug, so coffee doesn't spill. He finally gives in to the cat, scratching behind Ezra's ears with his fingers. He hears them come in and the smile Bucky gives her has the energy buzzing around her, down to her very soul.

***

Bucky is abruptly hit by the fact that they are about to go through Stage Eight of the Deprogramming Sessions. He knew this, they talked about this, but it doesn't stop him from scratching the arm rests with his fingers. He's nervous, of course, as he usually is when he is strapped to the chair, but it feels different this time around. It has everything to do with the girl next to him, chatting quietly with Max.

His nerves aren't as crippling as they were during earlier sessions, maybe it's because every single one of his thoughts is now focused on Ana. She looked absolutely gorgeous in the early morning hue when Bucky woke up. Her face was peaceful, serene with the lack of haunting nightmares, and the olive tone of her skin was back to it’s healthy glow. Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheekbones, her breathing even and slow, her hair falling over her neck which Bucky had gently brushed behind her shoulder.

Ana's skin was smooth and warm from pressing against his chest, but also littered with faint marks left behind by his mouth. Bucky stared at her for a long time, simply content to watch her sleep. He allowed himself, in the moment of their time, to revel in the fact that Ana is his. Ana snuggled against his shoulder, her calf hooked over his shin. Ana inhaling in the same air Bucky exhaled. Ana with her lax hand resting on his chest, directly over his heartbeat. Ana, who smelled like flowers and rain and sex and him. Her scent was intoxicating, as is everything else about her.

All Bucky wants to do is wake up next to her every day. It's a thought that should terrify him and on another day, he might have let that happened. He didn't that morning. He just laid there, holding the most amazing person he ever came across in his arms. He tries holding onto that same feeling now, onto those same thoughts as Ana finally stands in front of him. Her expression is one of determination; her eyebrows pinched slightly, her mouth set into a line. It breaks after a few moments of staring at her.

"What?" Ana chuckles lowly, confused.

Bucky just shakes his head. "You're so beautiful."

Ana's chest expands as she smiles. "You're extra charming this morning, Winter Wonderland."

Feeling a little cheeky, despite the situation, Bucky winks. Ana laughs brightly, leaning forward like she wants to kiss him. She halts at the last moment, swaying back. She turns her head slightly over her shoulder, peering up at the second level. Bucky understands; they aren't alone.

Agent Sharon Carter and Natasha are watching from the observation room, while Steve and Sam linger outside the door in the Lab. Max is the only guard on the first level, and two other agents are watching from the second level as well. Bucky didn't have a good feeling about those agents, Erik Woods and someone named Colin Jones, until Max informed him that he handpicked them for this.

The extra agents are only there to give the illusion that the Deprogramming Session are still going along as planned. Not to raise any suspicions that the Avengers are onto whatever scheme is being plotted. It's to protect Ana, to get an extra set of eyes, or ears, in case those agents know something and want to spill as they're casually watching. Turning back to face him, Ana gives him a soft reassuring smile. God, he just wants to kiss her senseless at the moment.

"Same rules as always, Bucky." She informs him.

"You got the bracelet then?" Bucky counters.

To her credit, Ana refrains from rolling her eyes. She pulls out the black bracelet from her back pocket, clasping it onto her wrist and turning it on. She holds out her fist, like she didn't just put it on in front of Bucky. So, he rolls his eyes instead, Ana pokes her tongue out in retaliation.

"Ready, love?" She questions, taking a few steps back, the weapons table behind her.

The endearment doesn't get past Bucky. He's called her that before, but this is the first time Ana has actually slipped in a sweeter name, other than babe...or her never ending list of Winter related nicknames. It makes Bucky's heart swell with warmth.

"Always, baby."

Ana licks her bottom lip briefly, Bucky tracking the movement, before schooling her expression.

"Zhelaniye." She recites firmly, the word rolling off her tongue like she's a Russian native.

Bucky still has his eyes locked on her bottom lip, glistening in the florescent lights.

"Rzhavyy." Her big, brown and gold eyes flicker to his left arm.

Almost subconsciously, Bucky flexes his bionic fingers. He notices Ana shift her weight from one hip to the other. He wonders how many weapons she is currently hiding. Given that the weather has turned cold, Ana has opted to wear knee high boots. He knows she has a small knife in the thick heel of her boot. Knows there's the hand gun strapped between her breasts under her shirt. He wonders if Ana would ever wear a thigh holster, strapping it around her muscular tan thigh...

"Semnadtsat."

Something flickers in the back of Bucky's brain, and he has to shake his head once to rid the feeling. He inhales slowly, keeping his gaze locked with Ana. She looks to be appraising him, seems to decide something and continues. He exhales.

"Rassvet."

A feeling akin to an electric zap shoots through his head. It has Bucky clenching his fingers around the edges of the armrests. He shakes his head again, breathing in slowly through his nose, and out through his mouth. He grits his teeth, praying and fighting for that stinging in his brain to go away when an image invades his thoughts.

It's clear, sharp, like it's right in front of him. Ana sleeping naked and peaceful next to Bucky. Ana being held in his arms, soft and warm, delicate and beautiful. She doesn't know this, but Bucky always places light as air kisses along her forehead whenever he wakes before her. He just likes to memorize the details of her face, and gently kisses the faded freckles on her nose when he's that close. He then proceeds to carefully kiss the scars on her wrist. He gently squeezed his metal hand around the scars on her hip, as if he could erase those painful memories for her. He can't.

What he could do is remember Ana saying how gently he treats her. He recalls her saying that about both his hands, his touch, his actions and holds onto that now. He holds onto that feeling, those images and focuses on them, rather than the fading zapping feeling in his head. It's all to protect her.

Usually, Ana would check in with Bucky at this point, since the word Daybreak spoken in Russian is the first major trigger. She doesn't, and when Bucky opens his eyes, he didn't realize he closed them, her face is neutral, but her eyes are shinning with pride. He notices her fingers twitching, and Bucky narrows his eyes to silently scold her.

The corner of Ana's mouth pulls up for a moment before it's gone again. She crosses her arms, hiding her hands.

"Pech." She speaks, a slight hint of mirth in her tone.

Bucky inhales and exhales slowly, counting in his head, and briefly recalls feeling on fire. His nerves always feel like they're about to burst into flames whenever Ana touches his skin. Whenever she presses her lips to his bare chest, or on the site where the hard metal of his shoulder merges with tender flesh.

It's better than the fire of agony he felt in his bones when he was being experimented on, injected over and over again with needles and burning liquids. He still can't recall most of those memories, just the pain he felt. Nor the white-hot pain searing through his head whenever the paddles of that machine would wipe him clean again. He can see those images clearly in his nightmares. Some of the memories may not clear, but the pain was. Always.

Ana takes a step forward. Bucky just shakes his head. He mentally counts and focuses on how Ana's skin feels pressed against his. He nods for her to continue. He can fight this off. He can work through this, because Ana is standing in front of him, open and vulnerable and he has to keep her safe from himself.

"Devyat."

Bucky thinks he might be smirking, but he can't be sure. He just knows the little golden dots in Ana's eyes catch the light, and it looks like glitter over melted chocolate. A bright gleam against something rich and warm.

"Dobroserdechnyy."

Ana says it quicker, almost directly after the sixth word and Bucky drops his head. That zapping feeling came back, his mind suddenly feeling fuzzy and confused. He grips the chair hard, breathing harshly through his nose. This one is painful, this one is a reminder that Bucky was triggered. Bucky had attacked Ana. Bucky had hurt Ana and landed her in the medical ward. Bucky had caused Ana to drain her own energy into him; to fix him.

He can not let that happen again. The air prickle around him. Bucky quickly recalls the healing sessions, the feeling of pride he felt in himself for the briefest moment when he realized he had formed friendships. Then he remembers when he first kissed Ana softly, how she just melted against him. He remembers that first day he met her, her eyes sharp but kind, gentle around the corners, free of any judgement on his tainted reputation.

Abruptly, Bucky picks his head up and smiles at Ana. She looks tense, her shoulders tight and her mouth pinched, her eyebrows furrowed. Her hands are slightly raised, however she drops them when Bucky gives her the tiniest grin  he can muster. Ana nods.

"Vozvrashcheniye."

There's a sudden darkness pressing in on Bucky, seizing all connections with his senses, until he can only feel one thing; pain. It's dark, too dark, he doesn't know where he is, he doesn't know if he can move. He can't think properly; can't decipher that one noise he keeps hearing through the pain. It's a soft, tender sound, pulls at the confines of his mind and his heart that he can now feel in his chest. It feels like home, which is crazy, because Bucky didn't think he had a home anymore.

The darkness only lasts several seconds, although he felt like days, months, of it. Bucky opens his eyes. All he can see standing in front of him is Ana. She's closer now, enough that Bucky can smell her, the ever-present smell of roses and rain. He doesn't know how that's possible, considering that her shower soaps smell more like apples.

Bucky revels in the memories of her scent;  Ana smelling of flowers, but also smelling like him after they have sex. It’s intoxicating. He remembers the first time he caught a whiff of her scent, how it captivated his senses. He recalls Ana on a day where she smelled more like rain. She laughed so hard that day, when Bucky had pulled her too hard and she pressed her face into his thigh and laughed. The sound has settled deep into his bones, and it was that day that he began to truly fall for her.

Her unabashed cackles, loud and bright with her eyes squeezed shut and her cheeks flushed. She looked stunning. Suddenly all Bucky sees is Ana's face. Her brown eyes dancing with golden mirth every time she teases him, calls him Winter Bunny, Sergeant Snowflake, Snow Flurry, any and all of her nicknames for him. He secretly loves them all.

Her infectious smile and laugh that comes unexpectedly if Bucky makes a comment she wasn't anticipating. Or if Sam makes a joke, or if Clint wisecracks about Tony. Her best laugh is when they're laying together in bed, the sound quiet and reserved, only for Bucky. He knows this airy chuckle, because Bucky will trail his fingers over her ribs and Ana is ticklish there, so she laughs breathlessly. She giggles when he kisses her. When he sucks and nips at her neck, when he kisses her hips. When he falls off the bed trying to reach out to her and bring her back to him when she gets up.

All Bucky sees is Ana. All Bucky feels is Ana, and all he feels is-

"Hey," Her gentle voice breaks through his thoughts. The restraints unlock around his arms. "What's that look for? You did amazing."

Her gentle hands are on his face, his skin a slightly heated and sweaty beneath her touch. Bucky reaches up to pull her right hand away from his cheek, lacing his metal fingers with her own. His mind is clear, bright, focused on the woman in front of him staring down at him with utter concern.

"Are you alright?" She checks, eyes searching his. "Bucky, you with me, babe?"

"You are real." Bucky murmurs. He places her hand to his chest, then puts his right hand on her chest. Her heart is beating faster than normal.

Ana's breath catches in her throat. She nods slowly before dropping her forehead to his. Bucky spends a few moments counting her rapidly heart beats. There's a fade buzzing in the air surrounding his body, but he can't tell if Ana is doing her energy healing on purpose or not. Bucky takes a deep breath, then leans back, gazing up at her.

"Hi, Annie." He breathes, offering her a smile.

"Hey, Snowflake." She grins back, pushing her other hand into his hair.

Her fingertips slowly scratching his scalp makes his eyes flutter. If feels really good. She's done it before, mostly after they've had sex, or if they're just snuggled up together watching a movie. It's soothing then, and its soothing now.

"I'm fine, baby. Promise." He assures, relaxing under her gentle touch. Bucky forces his eyes open. She appears lost in thought. "What'cha thinking about, darling?"

"Really wanna braid your hair, to be honest." Ana mumbles, her lips twitching. Bucky snorts, it makes Ana chuckle. The noise fades off. "Thought you looked a little lost there for a moment."

"I'm here. Struggled a little, but I'm here."

Ana dips her head down again, her nose grazing his. "Proud of you, Snowflake. Want to kiss you senseless later though."

Bucky swallows. He wants to get out of this room now, take Ana into his, and stay there all day, just holding her. Just to feel her in his arms and feel her soft, warm lips against his, feel what her energy has done to him.

"I think I'm okay with that."

Ana laughs again, this time a little louder and steps back. She pulls Bucky up from the chair when she offers her hand, and he quickly assess the room for anything out of the ordinary. He just sees Max trying to hide a smirk, adverting his eyes and looking forward. Agent Erik Woods has a curious look on his face, and Agent Colin Jones his narrowing his eyes, like he's trying to figure something out. Ana quickly takes her hand away, Bucky not being the only one to realize they aren't the only ones in the room.

***

Later, when they are finally alone, after another meeting that nothing seemed out of the ordinary for the Sessions, Bucky is kissing the breath out of Ana.

They're on the roof, one of the only place besides their rooms where they can get some privacy. Ana had dragged him there after the meeting and after shaking a few people off of them and pressed him down along the lounge chair. She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and latched her lips to his.

What started out as a heated, passionate make out, slowly turned into languid little kisses. The passion remains, and Bucky can't keep his hands still, slowly roaming them along every inch of her body. Her silky thick, brown hair, her jaw, over the vein rabbiting in her neck, tapping her collarbone, trailing down her arms, her skin turning cold from the weather. He traces her curves, brushing his thumbs along the sides of her breasts, down her ribs, dipping over her waist, and flaring out over the curve of her hips. He slips his hands into the back pockets of her jeans, pulling her impossibly closer.

Ana keeps her hands steadier, one hand tangled in his hair, the other occasionally thumbing over his jawline, or pressing against his chest. Her lips are incredibly soft, her tongue hot against his, and he slowly grips her ass harder. It makes her chuckle against his mouth, and they just lay there, continuing to share slow kisses, broken up by little bouts of laughter.

"Two more, Winter Bunny." Ana mumbles against his lips. He can feel her smile.

"Can we end the rest of them like this?" Bucky asks, whispering into the kiss.

"Whatever you want, Sergeant."

Bucky kisses her deeply after that. His heart beating the fastest he's ever felt it.

****************************************************************************

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[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages Chp 39

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

Warnings: Language, WS Trigger words. Slight anxiety.

Words: 4.5k+ @justreadingfics @nerdyandproud9 @buffy-morgendorffer-01

Summary: Bucky Barnes agrees to participate in Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.

When Ana wakes up, it's to bright lights, a pounding headache and Pepper's relieved blue eyes. The moment she realizes it isn't a dream and her cousin is actually hovering over her, she sits up quickly, wrapping her arms around the older woman. Pepper immediately returns the hug, squeezing around the middle of her back, the only place that doesn't ache.

"Don't think this hug means you're getting away with anything." Pepper threatens, but her voice is soft and loving; worried.

"What are you doing here?" Ana questions breathlessly, clenching her eyes shut from prickling tears. She’s just missed her.

"Had a meeting in Rochester when Tony called." Pepper answers, pulling back. Her eyes roam over Ana's face. "Are you feeling alright? Are you alright? Do you need anything? Medicine, tea, a shot? I know Janice gives you one with a vitamin blend, but I can make you a juice or something. Oh, maybe some dark chocolate will help."

"Pep." Ana smiles softly at her. She loves that they share the same trait of rambling. "I'm fine, just sore."

"Good." Her concerned expression morphs into a hard, lethal one. "Because I am going to kick that man's ass."

Sighing, Ana pushes her hair back, fingers getting caught in a few knots. "It's not his fault. Bucky-"

"I'm not talking about Bucky." Pepper interrupts with a small smile on her lips. "I meant that agent who triggered him."

Ana's brain abruptly hurts. She sort of forgot that's how this all started. She shifts, a dull ache shoots through her entire upper back. Right. She was basically body slammed onto concrete. When she tilts her head back, another pain, a sharp one, stabs at her neck and makes her head pound for a moment. Great, Bucky will probably never touch her again, let alone come near her. She needs to find him. She needs to tell him that it wasn't his fault. It's hers. She failed, she allowed someone to trigger him.

"Where is he? Bucky?" Ana inquires, pressing her fingers to the back of her neck. It feels swollen.

"Before you get all knife happy and threaten Tony, which is always entertaining. Just know that he voluntarily went to Tony."

She pauses. "What?"

Pepper nods, her eyebrows twitching down. "He said, and I quote "Alright. Just blow it off." Talking about his arm."

"He didn't!" Ana whispers aghast. "Did he?"

"No. Instead, Tony just briefed him on what happened with that undercover agent. Which is what he will explain to you." Pepper places her hand to Ana's cheek. "I just needed to make sure you were alright."

She exhales tiredly. "I am, promise. I missed you though."

"Me too, Buggy, me too."

Ana scrunches her nose up at the old nickname. She just liked lady bugs when she was a child, and Pepper just seemed to stick with the name. Ana shifts over in the bed to make room for Pepper. She falls back to sleep cuddled up against her older cousin, reveling in the sense of comfort and family.

***

Later, Tony, Steve, Sharon and Natasha sit Ana down after she leaves the medical ward. Janice only released her when her vitals here normal and informed her that it took nearly 24 hours for them to even pass for normal. Natasha is holding a large, cold gel compress to the middle of Ana's upper back. They inform her that the man responsible was in fact a Hydra agent who had been under cover for a while; since the first fall of SHIELD in 2014. The information makes Ana's heart sink in her chest, and her mind wonders to Bucky. She hasn't seen him at all. She wonders if he knows of this, if he is currently panicking and she isn't there to calm him.

Sharon tells her that the Hydra agent was apprehended and is locked up in a jail far from the compound. He is being questioned at the moment, and Agent Hill is double checking SHIELD agents at the facility. It doesn't do much to calm her racing heart; all Ana can think about is Bucky.

Natasha inquires what had happened, on why Ana was affected the way she was. The question makes Ana refocus her attention on the meeting, instead of wondering if Bucky is currently trying to run away. If he is trying to escape out the bathroom window. She wouldn't blame him. She would be terrified if she thought she was free, thought she was safe, only to find out it was all false. Only to find out that someone who had promised him over and over that he was safe here, had broken it. It's her fault that this happened. She swallows the buring lump in her throat.

"I think," Ana ends up saying, "They figured out if they channel their own negative energy, I feel it. It's happened before. Jared Sharp has done it. It's like a freight train, and a bus, and an airplane all hit me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It slowed me down."

It's quiet after her answer. Ana ends up making eye contact with Steve. He explains, due to the breech and the fact that Bucky broke out of mind control, that he was not going to be locked up. He didn't kill anyone, and Ana inputs that she nearly did, willingly. She learns that she did injure the Agent, enough to where he lost blood at an alarming rate.

She has no remorse or guilt over it. Just regrets that she didn't kill him. She keeps that rather dark thought to herself.

***

After the meeting, where Ana began toning out their words, she sits in her room, alone. A crushing guilt sits on her chest, constricting her heart. It was all her fault. She should have known something was wrong. That something was going to happen and how she should have fought through whatever it was that weakened her. She should have reacted faster, and it would have prevented the triggering.

Ana knows she failed Bucky. Her promises of him being safe with her, being safe here was all a lie. She failed him. Despite her inner turmoil,  Ana still ends up in front of Bucky's door. When she knocks, there's no answer. When she calls out for him, there is no response. Disappointment and guilt settles in her bones.

Bucky doesn't come out for meals, he doesn't emerge from his room at all. Ana has things to tell him, to reassure him that it isn't his fault; it's hers. She doesn't get one single response, and to be honest, she feels a little hurt, but she understands. She knows Bucky is hiding from her, but it stings. She misses him. She misses his warmth, his arms, his kisses, his breath against her skin.

Ana is exhausted, mentally, emotionally, physically, but she can't sleep. She doesn't want to think about another compromised session. So, she boxes at night, against Wanda telling her it's a bad idea and she'll just prolong the healing of the bruises. She does it anyway. Wanda silently keeping her company at the gym.

Three days pass without seeing or hearing from Bucky.

***

Ana has her laptop on her thighs, screen open to an email reply she has yet to finish to Telly. Her mind keeps wondering back to Bucky, as it has been for the past three days. If he doesn't come out soon, Ana will kick down his door and make him. She sighs, trying to refocus on the email, when a door opens from the hallway. Bucky suddenly appears, walking quickly toward the couch. Ana barely has time to be shocked.

"Do it again." Bucky demands, sitting down next to her. He has a determined expression set on his face. His beautiful face, with dark bags under his eyes, and his hair tangled. As if he has been pulling at it constantly. Ana can relate.

"Do what again?" She raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"Stage Six. I want you to do it again."

"No."

"Why not?" He frowns, and it really shouldn't be attractive, but his pouty lips makes everything he does attractive. She hasn't seen him for three days.

She missed him, but no. Ana shuts her laptop and put it’s on the coffee table. "Because I don't think you're ready."

"What?"

"That stage was compromised three days ago." Ana reminds him, as if he doesn't know this. "Someone, somehow was able to sneak in under the radar for a while, and trigger you. You just held yourself up in your room afterwards. What if something happens again and you decided to lock yourself away for a week rather than three days. Three days, Bucky. You didn't talk to anyone, not Steve, or...me. You didn't talk to me at all. Why didn't you talk to me?"

Bucky remains silent, eyes dropping from her gaze to his lap. He wrings his hands together, and she doesn't need to feel his energy to know he's anxious.

"We're going back to not telling each other things, then? Fine!" Ana snaps. "I thought we were way past that now. But how many times have I told you that if we aren’t honest with each other this isn't going to work. If so, then no. I am not doing it again."

"Is that the real reason, or is it because you think I'm fragile?" Bucky questions quietly. He sounds timid. When he looks back at her, his blue eyes pierce through her.

Ana can't help but react like he just slapped her. A sudden surge of anger, that's most likely building off the fact that this is the first time Bucky has spoken to her in the past three days, rises up in her. She can feel her expression harden, her heart beat kicking up a notch.

"Fragile?" Ana sneers hotly. "Since when have I ever treated you like you were fragile? Not once. Not once since you got here, and you think now I'm treating you like a broken piece of glass? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No." He answers shortly.

Ana has a rather nasty retort on her tongue, when she sees his jaw clench. She pays more attention to his expression, or lack there of, instead of her anger. She notices the little details of his face now. His mouth is pinched at the corners, and there's a strange tightness around his eyes. Ana's mouth drops open because it clicks.

"Wow." She chuckles humorlessly. "I see it now. You're trying to make me angry with you. Amazing."

Bucky’s lack of denial confirms it.

Ana nods. "Why the hell are you doing that?"

"I hurt you." He admits, like that's a good enough exercise for him acting like an idiot.

"You hurt me? That's your excuse?" She rolls her eyes, her anger seeping out of her. "You didn't hurt me, Bucky."

A sad smiles flashes across his mouth. He leans forward, reaching his right hand behind her back, gently pressing his fingers on her shoulder blade. Ana involuntarily flinches, hissing through her teeth, which only makes Bucky's face fall more. He carefully pulls down the back of her shirt, enough to see the top half of the bruise. It's dark purple, and blue, nearly black in some places, splotched across her skin. Then he moves his hand to gentle caress the small bump on the back of her head.

"It sure looks like I did." He mutters sadly, heartbroken.

Ana grabs his wrist and takes his hand away. "Are you trying to punish yourself because I have a bruise and a little knot? To prove you wrong about me thinking you're fragile...are you fucking crazy?"

"You can't tell me that's not from fighting me." Bucky argues. "I did that."

"It's not...it's from landing on my back on the floor."

"That I slammed you down on!"

"Don't give yourself more of an ego boost, Sergeant Snowflake. It wasn't that hard, plus you were holding back. If you really wanted to do damage, you would have. In fact, if you wanted to shoot me you could have. I was standing right in front of you, Bucky, but you didn't. You held back, because you were fighting it more than you were fighting me."

He frowns at her. Ana shakes her head, grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him close to her face. "Stop punishing yourself for something that's out of your control. Stop punishing yourself because I have a bruise on my body, because in case you haven't noticed with all your self-deprecation, I'm not fragile either."

Ana releases his shirt, but he remains close. At least the sadness is gone from his eyes. Bucky tilts his head forward until their foreheads are pressed together; it's becoming their thing. He cups her jaw with his right hand, swiping his thumb along her cheekbone. Ana's eyes flutter, but she keeps them open. How will she ever be able to survive if he can't go three days without this touch.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs. He gently takes her hand, bringing it to his mouth, pressing a light kiss to her skin.

"You should be." Ana retorts just as softly, tugging his hair "You don't need to make me angry, and you really need to stop punishing yourself."

She notices his bottom lip is puffier than usual, so she gently raises her finger to his lip, pulling it down slightly. There's a small cut just on the inside of his lip, red, scabbed and healing. She moves her finger from his lip to the underside of his chin and presses. There's a little bump beneath his soft facial hair. She tilts his chin up, presses a gentle kiss to the spot.

"Should I punish myself for these?" Ana questions, pulling back.

"None of this is your fault." He tells her, brushing her hair back.

Ana disagrees, but she keeps that to herself. "Please don't hide from me again, Bucky."

"I just," He begins, moving his left hand to her neck. "I couldn't face you."

The cool touch of his metal fingers feels nice against her neck, soothing the dull ache there. Ana allows herself a moment to revel in his touch. Then, she remembers her own guilt, her stomach twisting as she realizes this wouldn't have happened if she just done her job. She if just stopped that Agent.

Abruptly, Ana stands from the couch, ignoring her muscles screaming in pain, the ache in her back. Bucky looks surprised and baffled, his hands hovering in the air of where Ana was just sitting. He frowns up at her, tilting his head. She watches as something dawns in his eyes, he blue of his irises flashing.

"I think," Ana begins before she can allow herself to place that look in his eyes. "That instead of repeating it, we should be a healing session first."

Bucky blinks, slowly dropping his hand. He rubs his thighs nervously. "Healing session?"

"Yes." Ana nods, then quickly stops. It hurts. "I think your energy is off right now, mine too. So, a healing session is needed. It'll help get your mind refocused. Help calm any anxieties you may have right now. Is that okay?"

"Where?" He asks, apprehension in his voice.

"The Medical Ward, of course. Janice will be there, so it'll just be the three of us."

Bucky nods again, chewing his lip for a moment. "Alright."

"Right." Ana pulls her eyes away from his. Suddenly, she feels like she can't look directly at him. She's suggesting this session because she is the main reason he needs it. "We can start now or tomorrow or-" 

"Now. Please. The sooner the better." Bucky tells her.

Ana takes a few steps back. "I'll inform Janice and we can head down there."

She doesn't wait for a response, just turns and leaves Bucky sitting alone on the couch.

*

They enter the Medical Ward, and the second Ana sits Bucky down on a bed, she is gone. She pulls her guiding touch back so quickly, Bucky wonders for one wild second if he somehow burned her. He watches her with worry as she whirls around the room. Her movements remind him of the first day he saw her. How it looked like she was dancing around the room, gathering files. It's what she is doing now.

Bucky is so focused on watching Ana, that it takes him a moment to realize someone is next to him. It's Janice, an on call nurse who had treated Ana, and himself before. She smiles kindly at him; her dark red, wispy hair is gathered away from her face. She's an older woman, fine lines detailing her face, and her eyes look as if she has seen a lot more than she ever would working here. As experienced and tired her eyes look, there is no hint of fear in the green of her irises. Janice begins to plug in little chords to a machine, turning it on and waiting.

Bucky clears his throat. "Erm, Nurse Janice?"

"I told you, Mr. Barnes. Just Janice will do." She reminds him gently, untangling two chords.

"Janice. Was Ana brought here after..." He trails off, frowning.

She seems to understand though. "She was." Her deep green eyes float over to where Ana is reading over a file. "Took some time to get her vitals back up. She wouldn't want me telling you this, but since you seem to be the only one of the two of you truly concerned for her well-being. What she did was dangerous, according to the doctors. Extremely. Everything dropped. Her pulse, her oxygen, her blood pressure, even her brain activity for a few seconds."

A sickening knot twists in the pit of his stomach. "Did you give her those vitamins?"

"I did. Also gave her a type of elixir Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark came up with. It worked pretty quickly. She was on her feet after a day."

Bucky keeps his eyes on Ana as she beings to make her way over to them. "Any other injuries?"

"I think you already know that answer. Mainly the contusion on her upper back, bruised her scapula’s, the bump on her head."

"The bones are bruised too?" He swallows thickly.

"Mildly. Mild whiplash, had a slight concussion. She did land on solid concrete. Nothing some rest and ice won't heal. Try getting her into that mineral bath in there, Mr. Barnes. It will do her some good. She hasn't slept in three days."

Shocked, Bucky whips his head towards her. He didn't know that. He didn't know that Ana had stayed awake for 72 hours just like he had. He wants to ask Janice if she knows more, but Ana reaches them. She doesn't make eye contact with him, instead she just tugs at his shirt.

"Should he take it off, Jan?" Ana questions like Bucky isn't sitting right in front of her. "Would it be easier?"

"That's up to him, Ms. Rios." Janice answers, hitting a few buttons on the machine.

Ana nods. "Do you mind, Bucky?"

At least she calls him by his name. Bucky quickly takes his shirt off; Ana still isn't looking at him. Janice places little white pads on his chest and the crook of his elbow. Ana walks away again. It continues like that for the next five minutes. She just refuses to make eye contact, and although she isn't completely ignoring him, it makes his heart ache against his chest with something he hoped he would never see from Ana.

His heart rate makes the machines go off. Ana is coming back with a file in her hands. She rambles on to Janice that since Bucky is a super soldier with serum laced in his veins, his heart rate is different from a regular one. She points to the file she's holding, saying it matches the same speed as Steve's does.

His vitals keep climbing though and Janice levels him with a look. She beckons Ana over once more. She observes the numbers, then sighs, snapping another file shut. She hands it to Janice, who just glares at her. Janice knows. The nurse sees the way Ana is avoiding him too.

"You gotta calm down, Bucky." Ana tells him casually. "I can't do the healing session if your pulse is through the roof, even by your standards."

Something snaps inside Bucky. "How can I when you're not even fucking looking at me!?"

Janice clears her throat, then leaves quickly. Bucky rips the sticky pads off his skin, putting his shirt back on. Finally, pulling her eyes away from the screen, Ana makes eye contact. Bucky has never seen them so dark before, like a storm brewing, drowning out the light.

"I haven't been ignoring you." She states.

"I didn't say that. I said you weren't looking at me. How come?"

Ana doesn't even keep their eyes locked for thirty seconds before she's adverts her gaze elsewhere. "I need air."

She abruptly spins on her feet and leaves, walking towards the doors. Bucky is quick to follow her, not letting her go that easy. He wants to grab her arm, but he has a feeling that won't go over well. Ana leads him outside to a small balcony. The weather is nice out, a crisp cool wind brushing against his skin.

"Ana!" Bucky calls. She stops and turns, her eyes staring over his shoulder. He hates it. "You're angry at me, aren't you?”

"No." She says flatly.

"You're scared of me. Terrified." Bucky whispers, that twisting in his stomach is back. One of his greatest fears has been Ana seeing him as the monster he truly is.

She shakes her head. "No."

"Really? Because you won't even look me in the eyes."

Finally, Ana does just that. She looks straight at him. "I'm not angry or terrified of you. I'm angry and disappointed in myself!" Ana abruptly snaps, her voice wavering.

Bucky can feel his shoulders drop, the tension seeping out of his muscles. He's been blaming himself for the past three days, trying to keep away from her so he wouldn't hurt her again. Seeing the discoloration on her smooth skin, watching as she moves cautiously, gingerly, makes Bucky sick to his stomach. He just never thought that Ana would be feeling the same.

"You think this is all your fault," She whispers. "But it's not. None of it is. It's mine, Bucky. All mine."

"Ana." He frowns, reaching out to take her hand. "It's not your fault at all."

She steps back. "Yes! Yes, it is. I could've done something different. I could've acted quicker. I could have ignored the energy and focused on stopping him instead. But I didn't and I fucking missed every shot. I never miss! I missed, and I could have done more and because I didn't, because I failed, you were triggered. I sent you back to that dark place. I'm the one who made you feel like you are now, scared to even come near me for three whole days. I'm the one that set you back to the beginning. I'm the one who failed you, Bucky."

The painfully beating heart in Bucky's tightening chest falls to his feet. This is all wrong. It is all so fucking wrong. Ana should not be standing in front of him, looking like she just pulled the ground from beneath him. Her lips are trembling, the muscle at her jaw is jumping, her hands clenched into fists are shaking. The atmosphere of the room thickens.

She's still looking at him, but her beautiful brown eyes are so dark, he can't see the little golden spots in her eyes. He loves those little specks of gold; they grounded him. It's what brought him back to her, counting those drops of gold.

Bucky takes a step forward. Ana doesn't move away this time. "Annie."

"Don't." Ana pleads quietly her voice cracking. She drops her head, wrapping her arms around her body. "Please don't call me that using that voice."

"What voice?" He asks, suddenly confused. He reaches out with both his hands, gently placing them on her shoulders.

"The one you use when you think I've done no wrong."

Bucky just pulls her close to his chest, careful of her healing bruise between her shoulder blades. He wants to spend hours gently kissing every inch of the contusions. To kiss any pain, every doubt, every feeling of guilt she has away. Instead, he just cradles her head to his chest, sinking his fingers into her soft hair, careful of the tender bump.

"You did not fail me." He tells her firmly. "You didn't let me down or disappoint me, or whatever else you may be thinking in that pretty little head of yours. You are the one that brought me back. I broke out of it because of you, Ana."

He hears a soft sniff. Bucky leans back enough to see her. He moves his hands to her cheek, cupping her face in his palms, making sure she can't look anywhere else. She isn't crying, not yet, but she looks close. Her eyes are glistening, eyelashes fluttering like she's trying to hold back tears.

"Everything you have done so far has worked." Bucky says lowly, hoping to convey how true it all is. "The sessions, the good ones, the bad ones. Our talks. Your empathetic healing, your energy transmutations, grounding techniques. The way you just touch me, Ana. The way you are always able to bring me back to reality. Bring me back to what's real, right in front of me. That is all you.

"I wouldn't have been able to fight against it, to break free at all if it wasn't for you. So, my sweet, beautiful, Annie. You have not failed me. It is not your fault."

Bucky tilts her head up and presses his lips firmly to hers. It's been three long days without the feel of her warm, soft lips against his, and that's own his fault. He couldn't face her so soon after hurting her, though he had no idea that Ana had been feeling the same, worse even. Ana inhales sharply through her nose, her hands coming up to wrap her fingers around his wrists.

She doesn't push him away, instead she melts against his chest. She allows him to kiss her slowly, tentatively. It's only been three days, but he has missed the taste of her on his lips. He missed wrapping his arms around her, and even though he can't seem to protect her from himself, Bucky will do everything else in his power to protect her from others. Including her own thoughts.

"I'm sorry." Ana is mumbling against his mouth.

"Shhh, s'not your fault." Bucky responds. He kisses her twice more, then rests his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry too, though. I shouldn’t have pulled away from you."

Ana shakes her head and Bucky smiles despite himself. "Do you want to do this healing session today? Janice said you hadn't slept the past three days."

"I'll be fine." Ana assures him, taking a step back to look at him properly. God, he missed those brown eyes. "It's not a strenuous as the energy thing."

"If you're sure." He relents, swiping his thumbs along her cheekbones. "Don't push yourself"

There's a tiny smile playing on her lips. Then Ana steps into him again, wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing. The scent of flowers and rain fills his nose, and Bucky makes to hug her the best he can.

"Can we just stay like this for a bit?" Ana whispers into his chest. Her warm breath fanning over his shirt.

Bucky kisses the top of her head. "Yeah, sweetheart. I've got you." He promises.

He closes his eyes and just revels in this moment, holding the woman he is falling hard for in his arms.

***************************************************************************************

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