#steve rogers x platonic!ana

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 26

We’re In the End Game Now

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Slight grief. Apologizes 

Words: 12,236 

A/N: (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​​​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me. (gif not mine) PS. I snuck a Hamilton lyric in here

One month later finds Ana sitting on the couch, watching while Alex is content to scoot herself around in an army crawl with a toy in her hand, when Carol hops over. She scoops up the little girl, spinning her in the air and making her giggle uncontrollably, before she plops down next to Ana.

Immediately, Ana knows something is up, as the other woman presses the side of her body to hers, and can feel the reluctance radiating off of her. Alex babbles and drools happily in her lap after Carol hands her a teething toy. She glances at Ana with an awkward expression.

“I get the feeling whatever you’re about to say isn’t going to be good.” Ana notes tautly, narrowing her eyes.

“Depends on your definition,” Carol replies. “Helping others is good. Missing me? Not good.”

“Who says I’ll miss you?”

Carol sticks her tongue out. Ana returns the gesture but can’t contain her grin afterwards. She turns her attention to the goat sock halfway off her daughter’s foot, fixing it in place. Carol turns the baby around after that, pulling her up to help her stand on wobbly legs as she bounces.

“So, you’re leaving again.” Ana sighs.

“There’s been more odd and unnatural blips on my radar from other planets,” Carol informs, she keeps a smile on her face for the baby’s sake. “Unfortunately they don’t have the teams like the Avengers to help them. Which is where I come in.”

“Still?”

“Yeah. I got a message from the Skrulls requesting my help. From there, I’ll check out other planets.“ Carol then meets her eyes. “I’ll be gone for a while.”

Slumping down into the cushions, Ana tilts her head to lean against Carol’s shoulder. Alex tips forward, reaching for her mother’s nose, somehow always sensing when she’s off. Scrunching her nose makes her daughter smile, she continues bouncing.

“I understand,” She exhales warily. “I will miss you though. You’re the only one who calms my energy.”

Carol hums. “I don’t foresee another outburst from you, if I’m honest. Sure, I felt a few surges here and there, but ever since Blond Dumbass moved out, you seem to have settled.”

“That’s not because Steve left, it’s because I started going to therapy groups twice a week.” Ana remarks kindly.

“Still a dumbass,” She deadpans. 

Ana snorts.

“Natasha has the pager, but I made you one too, in case you need me for anything. We can research more about this connection between you two. It could just be a stronger bond between mother and daughter, considering your powers.”

“I guess,” Ana relents with a shrug. “It’s gotten a little better. When are you leaving?”

“In three days. I’m going to use this time to soak in all the cuddles from this little one. Isn’t that right Sergeant Smiles?”

Carol lifts Alex in the air again, makes funny noises with her mouth, before she lowers her to nuzzle her head against her belly, making high pitched noises. Ana’s lips spread into a wide smile, listening to her daughter’s bubbly laughter that scrunches her whole face.

It’s not long after Carol leaves that Rhodey follows, following a lead on another horrific gang slaughter. Ana catches Natasha in deep thought later that day, her energy thick enough to fill the entire office space.

Leaving Alex in the care of Rocket and Nebula, with some effort to make herself step away, she finally demands Natasha to tell her what’s happening. If those notes Ana saw before have anything to do with Rhodey leaving. If the lead is in fact, Clint Barton gone rogue. 

A file is shown, the information inside makes Ana’s knees weak, staggering back into the chair. Clint had lost his entire family after the snap, all evidence pointing to him having turned over a bloodstained murderous leaf.

“I can’t track him,” Natasha informs her, her tone haunted. “We’ve always been two steps behind since I figured out it was him. The horrible thing is, I don’t think I want to find him.”

Flurries of questions fly around Ana’s head, though she pushes them away to get up and gather a clearly upset Nat in her arms. She snaps the file shut, and pushes it off the desk as the first sob breaks past Natasha’s lips.

Five Months Later:

The time came to baby proof the compound as much as possible once Alex began crawling and reaching for anything she could. Especially after she got a hold of the drive spring from Bucky’s rifle that Rocket had been cleaning. Ana nearly skinned him alive for deciding to clean a gun- unloaded but still- in the presence of a baby. Though as Ana tightened the last baby gate, she sat back wishing her baby girl wasn’t growing up so fast.

Slowly, while Alex continues to grow and develop, Ana has begun to heal a small bit of herself. The pain is still immutable, it’s hard to breath some days, and some nights leave Ana waking up in tears. Her daughter though, with her sunshine smile and sparkling blue eyes is one of the only things that helps her get by everyday.

At 11 months old, Alex utters her first word on a rather bad day for Ana. She had woken from the same dream she hadn’t had for a month, and the rest of the day had the connection between her and her daughter just as strong as that first day. When Ana absolutely had to leave her in Natasha’s keen watch, Alex cried.

“Ma, ma, ma, mama!”

She had come running into the room the second she heard it, Natasha smiling brightly at her. Ana gathered her baby in her arms, comforting her and kissing her all over her cheeks. Pride and happiness blooming through her chest had overcome the breaking of the connection.

Just two days later, when the littlest Barnes girl was close to sleep, Bucky’s lullaby soothing her, Alex utters her second word.

“Da.”

Half awake, Ana hums, patting her bottom as she rocks her in the chair. The word settles in her ears, slowly registering in her brain. Her eyes fly open, staring down at Alex, pointing to the projection of Bucky’s beautiful face.

“Did you just-?” Ana trails off in shock. 

For the past two months she had been pointing to the screen every time it played, telling her daughter the man on the screen was her dad. She figured Alex wouldn’t actually understand it at her age or even make the connection.

Her curious, blue eyes flicker up at her mother, the tiny little spots of brown more defined within the fibers. The little indent in her chin has turned into a prominent dimple, and whenever she laughs, a wrinkle forms by each eye. Alex is looking more and more like her father, and her developing, charming personality breaks Ana’s heart in every good and bad way. She sees Bucky’s in their daughter’s eyes everyday.

“Y-yeah, baby girl,” Ana chokes with tears in her eyes, pointing as well. “That’s dada.”

Alex moves her focus back to the screen. “Da...da.”

“That’s right, Alex. Oh my sweet little bean.” Ana leans down to kiss her head. “That’s your daddy. The best man I’ve ever known.”

Snuggling deeper in her arms, Alex finally succumbs to sleep, Bucky’s singing calling her to dreams.

***

Coming home from group therapy sessions usually drains Ana, always ready to take Alex and head to bed each time. Her abilities just mean she’s able to feel the weight  of emotions and people’s energies in the room. Sometimes it doesn’t affect her, but on the heavy days it leaves a dark cloud hovering over her; a thunderhead of grief and pain soaking her bones.

Ana is sort of thankful that the effects of the super soldier serum while she was pregnant wasn’t permanent. Otherwise she’d be more oversensitive than she already was. The group leader on occasions, would pull her aside offering one on one time instead, in case the atmosphere got too much for her senses.

This time, as she drags her feet through the door, empty cardboard cup of coffee in her hand, she’s determined to find Natasha. She stops in the kitchen for supplies first, then heads off in the direction of giggling and music.

She finds Nat and Alex in the spy’s room, a kid’s movie playing on her TV. It looks like Natasha had just finished dancing with Alex, a delighted grin brightening her little face. When she spots Ana she nearly throws herself out of the woman’s arms in her attempt to greet her mom.

Once safely on the floor, Alex wobbles as she stands, then falls onto her hands and hurriedly crawls over until Ana scoops her up with one arm. She kisses her daughter hello, then holds up the wine bottle she grabbed.

“Rough session?” Natasha guesses, hopping on her bed.

“More of a rough revelation,” She replies, handing the bottle to her. 

She hugs Alex to her body before she sets her down in the activity chair, continuing to focus on the bright movie and entertain herself with toys. Crawling into the bed, Ana lays back while the other woman pulls open the cork from the bottle with a knife. Ana glares pointedly as Nat shrugs and puts the knife back in it’s hiding spot under her pillow.

“Intrigue,” Natasha muses, taking a long sip from the bottle. 

“Natasha,” Ana begins as she sits up. Nat picks up on her somber tone, straightening up to meet her gaze. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

She frowns, opening her mouth to respond before Ana holds up her hand to stop her. “What I did, shutting off my emotions, how I treated you and Steve. I am truly and deeply sorry.”

“Ana,” Nat sighs. “It’s okay.”

“No, no it’s not. It wasn’t.” Ana admits, spinning her wedding rings around. “You keep telling me that, everyone says it’s understandable why I did what I did, but it doesn’t make it any less wrong. I never once thought about how it might affect the people around me. By doing that, I pushed away the only family I had left. I didn’t talk to Pepper for months. I barely talk to Tony. I ruined my relationship with him. With someone who has done nothing but been there for me at my lowest points.”

“Fuck,” Ana huffs, fighting back the sting in her eyes. “I literally drove Steve to move out, but he was right. I was overly attached because I was afraid that if I stopped for one second, all the pain I was holding off would come crashing back.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I realize now how horrible I’ve been. I treated both of you like absolute shit and you didn’t deserve that. You were all just worried and concerned. I was...I was in so much pain, no matter how much I tried to fight it, but I was selfish.”

Natasha had grabbed her hand halfway through her vent. She gently squeezes her fingers. “What do you mean by selfish?” She wonders.

Ana can’t help the rueful chuckle that emits from her lips. “I’m an Empathetic Healer, Nat. I can heal  energy. I could have helped; I should have helped and grieved with you.”

“That wasn’t ever expected of you, Ana. We didn’t want you to exhaust your abilities just to help us instead. You had more to deal with at the time, you were newly pregnant and at a high health risk.”

“But I could have-”

“No, you couldn’t, and we would never have asked that of you.” Natasha argues sternly. “That’s the one thing you don’t have to apologize for or feel guilty about. Got it?”

She nods, sniffing. “I’m sorry for putting everyone through that. I was missing Bucky, my family and forgot I still had my family right in front of me.”

After a long pause and hug from Natasha- the somber stretch broken up by the sounds of Alex playing- Nat pulls back and hooks her finger under her chin to make sure their eyes remain on each other.

“You’re family, Ana, that never changed. Apology accepted. Now, I don’t want to hear anymore sorrys from you, just continue to take care of your health. And that beautiful little girl, who by the way, somehow stole the last of my avocado when I wasn’t looking.”

“Do you know how many times I found the nutella Bucky always tried hiding from me?” Ana replies with a smirk.

“Sharp shooter, fantastic hand to hand, hiding anything from you? Utter failure,” Nat deadpans. Ana cackles, rolling her eyes. “Really though, I’m glad you’ve been going to therapy and finally taking care of your mental health.” Then she mumbles, “Unlike Rogers.”

Ana starts. “Wait...what do you mean?”

Natasha winces, quickly grabbing the wine and chugging. Ana narrows her gaze, but takes the break in their conversation to check on Alex, who had been gazing up at her mother with wide blue eyes. Her bottom lip popping out, her expression wrinkled like she was close to crying. Ana soothes her, flashing a bright smile and cooing until her cute face relaxes. 

“What’s wrong with Steve?” Ana questions, picking up her daughter and sitting on the bed again.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Natasha answers, tickling Alex’s thighs and making her giggle. “Just that we both know how he handles his own guilt.”

“So he did leave because of me.”

A half shrug. “I think it was more along the line of where he felt like he couldn’t face you, or any of us anymore because of his own guilt. He was struggling long before he moved out. I think it got to be too much for him. He saw how you were improving in some ways and figured it was time to deal with his own failure. Those are his words, not mine.”

Ana scoffs in frustration. “I’ve told him none of it was his fault. He shouldn’t feel guilty or carry this weight for the entire world.”

“It’s Steve Rogers.” Natasha reminds her flatly. She takes the cork that Alex just found out of her hands, giving her a small book to play with instead.

Deciding not to press anymore, Ana trades Alex for the bottle of wine, passing her baby over to Nat.

“Are you even allowed to drink that?” She asks, quirking her eyebrow.

“I have enough bottles of milk set aside. Besides, Alex prefers the baby food more these days.” She answers, then takes a long drag. 

“‘S that why your coffee intake has skyrocketed?” She smirks.

“Listen. I went a year without caffeine, leave me alone.” 

 ***

Jamie Alexandra Barnes is eleven and a half months old when Ana visits Steve for the first time. He hasn’t visited in five months, despite him saying he would.

Teething is a horrible feat, has been for months. Ana’s heart breaks every time Alex puffs out her bottom lip, wobbling with fat tears in her eyes. Ana is ready to fight the entire world if it meant her baby was no longer in pain. 

This time around, her fourth tooth coming in keeps her up during the night, which makes her cranky and fussy. Ana has tried giving her cold teething rings, massaged her gums, among other things, nothing seems to be working that day.

“Oh, Alex. I know, baby girl, I know, I just don’t know what else to do.” Ana hushes, nearly close to tears herself. She continues to bounce and sway with Alex.

She’s been crying for nearly an hour. Even when Ana plays Bucky’s recorded lullabies she remains inconsolable. Ana’s chest tightens the longer Alex cries, her eyes red and her little cheeks soaked with tears. She’s afraid she’ll dehydrate herself if she continues, or run a fever.

The compound is empty, everyone out for smaller missions or research. No one is there to help calm Alex, or take her for just a moment so Ana can figure out what to do. For the first time since she brought her daughter home from the hospital, she’s truly alone. It’s one of the many things she took for granted, and mentally slaps herself for.

It’s times like these that a deep longing ache for Bucky hits her so hard, Ana finally cries herself. With it comes clarity, and without a second thought, Ana quickly gathers the diaper bag, throws a few onesies in and checks the bag for extra diapers and wipes. She slips her shoes on and coat, and quickly hurries through the house. All the while, Alex continues to cry, hiccuping sobs as she presses her face into Ana’s chest. Stepping out of the elevators to the lower garage, Ana coos her daughter all the way. She straps her in the car seat once she unlocks the car. 

“I know, I know, Alex, it’s okay, sweetie.” She shushes, kissing her overheated forehead. 

She tries giving her a teething biscuit but she refuses it. Ana hands Alex her favorite stuffed bunny gifted to her by Carol before she left, the little girl clutching to it. She tries a pacifier, but Alex just spits it back out. Ana jogs to the driver seat, finally starting the car and taking off.

Within two minutes of driving, Alex’s cries have slowed down to little shuddering breaths, Ana checking on her every chance she gets. When she stops at a light, she reaches behind her to place the pluggie back in her mouth. This time, Alex accepts it, her wet eyes staring in wonder out the window.

“Car rides calm you, got it.” Ana sighs warily. She turns on soft calming music and continues to drive. Not even ten minutes in, she suddenly has an idea;  an impromptu road trip.

*

Two hours later, Ana finally parks. Alex had fallen asleep by the first hour but when she takes Alex out of the car seat, she starts fussing again. She wraps her little puff jacket around her before Ana pulls her out of the car and into the brisk air. Little fists clutch desperately in Ana’s coat, those whimpers the most heartbreaking sounds Ana has ever heard. She shoulders the diaper back, then climbs the stairs of the stoop to get to her location.

“Please, please be here,” Ana hopes, quickly raping her knuckles on the door. She coos at her sniffling daughter while they wait. The door blessedly opens, relief and shock smacking her all at once.

Steve stands in the doorway looking worn out. His gray henley is ripped in places, black sweat pants hang low on his hips, wrinkled. His hair has grown longer and untamed, some strands reaching his ears, and his beard has grown thicker. It’s the sunken eyes with the dark bags that hit Ana the hardest. Like he hasn’t known sleep for days. 

“Ana,” Steve breathes out, obviously taken off guard. He blinks, eyes roaming over her once before shifting to Alex.

“Hi,” Ana balances, abruptly thinking it was a bad idea to show up unannounced. She also looks down at her daughter briefly, who is hiding her face, before looking back.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“I uh...I couldn’t get Alex to calm down. No matter what I tried she wouldn’t stop crying and everyone is gone right now. I mean, she did nap in the car for a bit, but she’s reverse cycling right now on top of teething and I just-“

“Come in, come in. It’s freezing,” Steve quickly ushers them inside.

“I’m sorry for just showing up like this but I didn’t know what else to do. I just put her in the car to see if driving would help and then I decided to come here,” Ana explains, barely taking in his rather cozy apartment. “Luckily she fell asleep halfway through the ride. I just- I have no right to ask, but can you help please?”

The sympathy coloring his expression lasts for a second. “Oh, look at this little honey bee,” Steve coos, bending to her level. “What’s got you so upset, Alex, huh?”

Alex sniffles, her face screwing up, a sign Ana knows all too well. Before she starts to cry again, Steve carefully takes the girl from Ana, cradling the baby in his strong arms. Immediately, her bottom pops out, trembling as she stares up at Steve. He coos at her, patting her back, and slowly, her little lip flattens out.

Ana watches in awe, her daughter lifting her little hands to grab his beard. Steve just smiles sweetly at her, starting to make silly faces as he sways her around his living room. Ana drops the diaper bag on his couch, taking off her coat, shaking her head as Alex’s eyes start drooping already. Either her child exhausted herself out with tears, or Steve has just the right touch. Either way, after three minutes pass, Alex’s eyes flutter before closing, out like a light. 

“How did you do that?” Ana deflates in disbelief.

He looks baffled himself as he shrugs, continuing to rock the little girl. “She’s gotten so big,” He notes solemnly.

“Yeah...you’ve been away for a hot minute,” Ana levels him with a stern look. His expression turns remorseful, flashing her an apologetic smile. Ana catches the time on the stove in his kitchen, reading 6:35pm. “Told you she wouldn’t forget you. You can sit with her if you want. Hopefully she won’t wake for a while.”

Steve agrees, carefully sitting down on the armchair. Ana chooses the other couch, tucking her good knee under her as she sits on the seat closest to Steve’s.

“I have a confession,” Ana informs, keeping her voice low so as not to wake her daughter. “I also came here to apologize to you.”

Steve adjusts himself, sitting back in the single armchair to get comfortable with Alex. “I should apologize too.”

“Can I go first?” She requests sheepishly. When Steve relents with a nod, she continues. “I’m sorry, Steve, for everything. I-I don’t regret turning off my emotions when I did, for the sake of Alex. I do regret what it did to you, how I treated you the entire time, and after.

“You were right, I was hiding behind Alex for a while. She was the only thing keeping my pain at bay and it was much easier to focus on her than coping. I never meant to keep you at arms length. I didn’t realize doing that would make you think I didn’t want you around my daughter.” Ana exhales shakily. “She’s Bucky’s daughter too. You’re his best friend and it wasn’t right for me to ostracize you. I was just selfish and in too much pain to see that I did.”

She pauses to press her palm to her chest, emotions beginning to surface. “I talked to Natasha about this. I should have helped you guys. I’m a healer for fucks sake, I could have at least lessened the pain.”

“And what, absorb it all in yourself? None of us would have taken you up on that offer.” Steve responds kindly. 

Ana sniffs, but the wave of tears is too much to hold off. “Steve. I never wanted you to move out, and I’m sorry I was the main reason you did. You’re one of my best friends, you’re family. I didn’t mean to lose you too.”

Steve’s throat bobs, then he clears his throat softly, blue eyes pinning her to her seat. “You didn’t lose me.”

A mirthless chortle falls from her lips. “It felt like I did. I, uh. I’ve been going to group therapy. It’s helped a lot, but there are those days when I look in the mirror and despise who I see, who I’ve become. She’s not me, and it’s taken a long time to even try to get an ounce of myself back.”

Ana hastily wipes away the tears falling down her cheeks, on the verge of confessing a thought she hadn’t been able to shake for months. “The worst part is, the part I can’t stop thinking about, is-is how hurt and disappointed Bucky would be in me. He would hate me if he ever saw what I did. I-I’m not the woman he fell in love with anymore.” The last word breaks on a sob.

Steve shifts, like he wants to console her, before he remembers the sleeping baby in his arms. “Ana, that is not  true.” He reprimands fiercely. “Do not go down that road.”

She’s crying too hard to respond, pressing her hand over her mouth to quiet her sobs. Her chest constantly aching with the absence of another soul, with the sheer thought of Bucky looking upon her with disgust. The awfulness began invading her mind once that odd orange dream world stopped frequently visiting her sleep.

“Hey, hey, Ana, honey, look at me,” Steve coaxes leaning forward, careful with Alex. He holds out his free hand for Ana to take, squeezing her fingers. “You’ll get yourself back, even if it’s not the exact version you were before. But I know  Bucky would never stop loving you, no matter what. He would be so proud of how you protected and raised your daughter. You fell in love with every single part of him down to his soul. He would still love you the same way you love him. In fact, I believe he’s been watching over you both, smiling down at his best girls. Alright?”

Ana wipes away the fresh tears off her face with her other hand. “Y-yeah.”

“I understood your grief, we all did,” He continues gently. “We never thought you would do what you did, but you’re owning up to it now. You’ve apologized for your actions several times. I forgive you. But Ana, if you don’t start forgiving yourself, you’ll never start to move forward. Holding onto your own guilt will crush you.”

A self-deprecating chuckle emits from her mouth. “Is that what you’re doing then?”

Steve exhales heavily, slowly taking his hand away. “You felt that, huh?”

“I felt it the second you opened the door. How have you really been?”

“Let’s try to lay her down in the bed,” He suggests, standing cautiously.

Ana follows him, both keeping silent when he leads them to his room down the short hallway. As carefully as he can, Steve lowers the slumbering girl to the mattress, slipping his arms out from under her. Alex shifts, Ana biting her lip and crossing her fingers that she doesn’t wake. Steve places a hand back on her head until she settles.

Once they’re in the clear, both adults settle on either side of the small child, in case she decides to roll over. Ana lightly strokes her fingers through her daughter’s growing hair, that connection between them, although still present, had faded into a delicate hum over the past months.

“Have you been getting enough sleep?” Ana inquires with a pointed look.

Scratching his untamed beard, Steve answers, “Not for the past few nights. Nightmares fucking suck.”

Ana wholeheartedly agrees. “And...otherwise?”

“I found a support group myself. Been going for a month now. I was asked if I wanted to lead another group.”

“Wow, that’s...is that something you’re up for?”

“Maybe, down the road. How can I help others if I’m still holding shit in myself?”

Ana hums. “Founds familiar.”

“Come with me,” Steve requests, getting off the bed and grabbing a thick plush blanket.

He shifts his pillows around Alex, making a little barrier. Ana does the same, then follows Steve when he opens the window to the fire escape. The burst of frigid air bites at her skin, Ana closing the window to keep the warmth in the room. 

There’s a single chair, and a tiny try table with a sketch pad on it. Vaguely Ana thinks the set up is a fire hazard, but then again, Steve has a habit of not using stairs. He turns the chair and offers the seat to Ana, placing the warm blanket over her lap. She has a perfect view of Alex sleeping on the bed inside. Steve settles next to her on the second step.

Abruptly, the energy surrounding Steve morphs, a dismal tinge weighing heavily in the air like the threat of rain. It pulls Ana’s gaze from her daughter to him. Steve wrings his hands together, pressing his fingers between the spaces of his knuckles, his eyes focused on them, long lashes fanning over his cheekbones. The gleam of a wet track reflects off the light emitting from his room, carving a year of grief down his face.

“Steve,” Ana cajoles gently.

A shuddering inhale. “I’ve been wallowing in my own guilt and failure,” Steve confesses thickly. “I have been since it happened. I moved out because I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t control how I was feeling anymore. I just couldn’t keep up that strong facade of knowing what to do, of pretending to come up with a way to fix everything. And I’m not blaming you, but I was so focused on making sure you weren’t drowning...I sunk myself.”

Steve’s voice wavers, but he doesn’t stop what comes next. His face screws up, pressing his knuckles to his mouth for a moment. “I lost my best friend, my brother. I couldn’t save the world, I couldn’t save Bucky.” A heart wrenching sob distorts his words. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him for you, for his beautiful daughter. I failed the universe, and I haven’t been able to forgive myself.” 

Ana tries to keep her own tears at bay, but Steve’s shoulders shake as he full on sobs and breaks, she can’t help it. She scoots closer, pulling Steve into her arms, his face pressed into her shoulder, her arms wrapped around his back. She doesn’t know how long they stay like that; Steve’s sobs and heartbreak soaking into her shirt, into her bones. Ana just holds him as tight as she can. 

Finally, after what feels like hours and temperature dropping with the threat of snow, Steve’s sobs come to an end. Slowly he pulls away, sitting up and wiping his cheeks and nose with his shirt. Ana gives him time to collect himself, cleaning her own face with her sleeve. Her eyes shift to Alex, still napping on the bed, a small victory if she continues to sleep through the night.

A calloused yet tentative hand over her left pulls her attention back to Steve. He briefly touches her wedding rings. Ana searches his face, cheeks flushed from crying. His eyelids swollen, his beard damp and the bags beneath his eyes have darkened. His licks at his dry, cracked lips; Ana making a mental note to make him drink water when they go back in.

When Steve speaks again, his voice is raw with emotions. “I needed to deal with my own pain and healing if I was going to keep my promise to Bucky,” He tells her, pulling his hand back. He meets her gaze. “I know leaving broke it anyway. I apologize for that.”

“It was a little malicious of me to throw that at you,” Ana admits, suppressing a shiver. She pulls the blanket up to her shoulders. “We may have said some things to hurt each other, unintentionally or not. I’m sor-”

“I think there’s been enough apologies to last a lifetime,” Steve chuckles lowly.

“In that case, no more sorrys. We’ll just try to move from this point, little by little.” Her teeth chatter at the end, the cold finally getting to her despite the blanket.

“Agreed. Let’s go inside, you’re freezing.”

“Fuck, that’s the truth,” Ana laughs.

The second Ana sets her foot down on the wood floor, Alex sits up as if she could sense her mother. That bottom lip popping out, those ice blue eyes of hers searching for Ana. Cringing, she rushes over, cooing and hugging her child.

“Did you happen to bring the kimoyo bead?” Steve inquires, shutting the window.

“Never go anywhere without it,” Ana answers, rocking Alex back and forth. She looks at the clock on his side table. “Ugh, she only slept for an hour. This reserve cycling is rough.”

“Maybe she’s hungry. What did you bring? I can make something for her.”

“There’s a bottle, but also cheerios and fruit. There’s rice too, if you want to heat that up a bit.”

Steve quickly exits. Ana bundles up Alex, the sleepy girl sweetly cuddling against her chest as they follow him out.

*

Later, after Alex had eaten and Steve ordered some pizza, he offers to try to put her asleep once more. He convinced Ana to stay the night, considering the snow beginning to fall and the streets being slick.

“I’m not staying just to kick you out of your room, Steve,” Ana scolds, crossing her arms.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Alex is already sleeping in my bed, it makes sense to be there with her. Unless you want to sleep on the lumpy couch.”

“It’s close to the coffee machine.” She smirks.

“Don’t be a pain in my ass, Barnes,” He teases with narrowed eyes. “Go sleep in the damn bed.”

“Fine,” Ana relents, dropping her arms. “But only if you make coffee in the morning.”

*

Little fingers drag Ana out of sleep, the fingers tracing over her lips before pulling down her bottom one. Inhaling slowly, coming to terms that she now has to wake up, otherwise her daughter will force her awake by promptly shoving her fingers up her nose. It’s happened three times before. Finally, Ana opens her eyes, rubbing the last traces of blissful sleep away. She makes eye contact with Alex, then gasps and closes her again. Alex giggles, her hand tapping over her mom’s eyelids.

Ana peeks one eye open, and the bright smile Alex greets her with melts her heart. In a quick but safe motion, she hugs her daughter close, roaring softly before attacking her with kisses. Gleeful cackles fill the room, Alex trying to push Ana away weakly. Ana stops, pressing one last kiss to her cheek. Then her daughter leans closer, connecting her forehead with her mother’s. Both girls remain like that for a minute, Ana staring sweetly into her baby girl’s blue eyes, counting the flecks of golden-brown in them.

Once Alex is changed, both of their teeth brushed, Ana exits the room by holding her little hands and helping her walk with clumsy steps down the hallway. Watching Alex attempt to walk pangs at Ana’s heart; her daughter growing up way too fast. 

“Whoa, who is this little Coffee Bean strutting in here on a mission!?” Steve greets brightly, bending down to Alex’s level. “Has she tried walking by herself yet?”

“Not quite there, but soon,” Ana says. “I might cry when it does.”

Chuckling, Steve opens his arms for Alex, the little girl abruptly letting go of Ana’s hands to trip into his arms. Ana laughs through the small pang of their shared connection clenching her heart. It’s easier to ignore now. Steve greets Alex with a kiss on her head, standing up with her in his hold.

“Did you girls have a good sleep?” He questions, bopping Alex on her nose. She responds by grabbing his beard. 

His oddly light tone makes Ana suspicious. She gives him an unimpressed look. “As if you didn’t stay up all night listening for any sign if we didn’t,” She replies flatly. 

His smile is sheepish. “It wasn’t the whole night.”

“Uh-huh. Where’s my coffee, punk?”

“I swear you two were the same person at times,” Steve grumbles, passing Alex back to her. But the teasing glint in his eyes makes Ana smile with the grace of the Cheshire cat at the comparison of Bucky. He rolls his eyes, then messes up her already messy hair. She glares as she fixes her hair.

“She slept better this time, thank god.” Ana sighs, inhaling the aroma of the coffee he handed her. She pauses, narrowing her eyes. “Steven Grant Rogers. Is this decaf?”

He winces, taking a big step backward. “Yes it is.”

“No!” Alex suddenly chirps, then continues to munch on the piece of banana Steve gave her.

Steve blinks. Ana kisses her daughter’s head. “That’s right, Bean. Tell Uncle Stevie that depriving your mama of real coffee is a no-no.”

“You’re more yourself than you think,” Steve tells her, switching his mug with hers. His happy grin earns him one in return.

Steve finishes making breakfast, both adults making small talk while Alex chatters away with her baby language, a mix of “mama” and “no” thrown in. Ana sets a plate of scrambled eggs and the rest of the banana Steve cut up for her daughter. She gets half of it on her cheeks and clothes instead of her mouth.

After breakfast and a change of clothes for Alex, Ana offers to help with Steve’s energy. He allowed them to stay the night, offered his bed to them and cooked breakfast, the least she can do is transmute any of the heavily dark energy he has. When she says this much, Steve casts her a stern glare.

“When’s the last time you actually used your abilities?” Steve inquires. He’s been playing on the floor with Alex and the coasters she pulled off the coffee table.

“I’ll be fine, trust me.” Ana convinces. “I won’t go crazy, just enough to help you sleep better at night.”

“Okay,” He relents, then holds up one finger. “On one condition. Let me take Alex out of the house, and you nap for an extra hour or two before you drive back.”

“Deal!”

*

Two hours later, Ana rolls over and nearly falls off the bed, forgetting it’s not hers. She laughs at herself, untangling her legs from the comforter, groaning as she stretches. The faint sound of a familiar Disney movie reaches her ears; one she knows captures Alex’s attention for a while.

Using this time, Ana begins to gather anything she took out of the diaper bag and packs it away. She carefully places the kimoyo bead on the side table back in it’s safe place, then checks the room twice over for anything she may have missed. When she makes her way to the living room, Ana stops, mouth dropping. 

“Did you buy all this?” Ana gapes, staring at several items scattered around.

Steve looks up from his task of helping Alex place colorful rings on a cone. “Hey, good nap?”

“Very, thank you. What is this stuff?”

“Alex told me, in a very serious manner, that the next time she visits, her uncle should be more prepared for her arrival.”

“Did she now?” Ana questions sarcastically, a smile teasing her lips. “She can be very adamant in her gibberish.”

“Very persuasive,” Steve nods vigorously. “Probably gets that from Nat.”

“Steve,” She laughs, gesturing to the stuff.

Sitting in the far corner next to the couch is a play pen that doubles as a crib. There’s a small stroller still in its box, a few toys, some music with lights, books and puzzles are on the table. Ana spots a little stuffed bear wearing a blue jacket propped up against Alex’s side. 

He scratches the back of his neck, shrugging. “I hope it’s not imposing, and I’ll return it if it’s an issue. I just figured, well I was wondering if you two wanted to visit more often, Alex could have her own little play space.

Ana balks. “You want us to visit more often? Are you sure that’s not invading your own time and sp-“

“See the thing is, when you give yourself space, sometimes you miss the people you were spacing yourself from. Two way street though. I’ll come visit, like I said I was going to. Might get an ass kicking from Natasha though.” Steve winces at the thought.

Nodding in agreement to his statement, Ana goes to sit on the couch, brushing her hand over Alex’s head. She gives no mind to Ana, clearly captivated with her new toys. Steve grabs the bear next to the little girl, handing it to Ana. She raises a curious eyebrow.

“I saw it and I’m not sure why. It reminded me of Buck,” He says, avoiding her gaze. “Think it’s the jacket, like the one he wore during the war.”

She brushes her fingers over the jacket, a soft smile on her lips. “It’s cute.”

A slew of emotions roll through her chest, coming to a realization. Ana showed up on Steve’s door step, unannounced five months after he moved out. He has been trying to heal, process the death of his friends, process his own guilt and yet Steve welcomed them into his safe haven. He eagerly helped with Alex, had put her to such a state of comfort she fell asleep almost immediately. Steve had opened up, showed his broken vulnerable side, cried together and had forgiven her. He allowed them to spend the night, and just went out of his way to take Alex around the city, coming back with gifts in hopes for more visits. 

Ana has no doubt for what she does next.

“Steve,” She speaks softly. He looks up from Alex, eyes patient, curious. “Will you be Jamie’s godfather?”

Steve freezes. Ana doesn’t think he even breathes for several seconds. She fiddles with the bear in her hands as she waits, straightening out its jacket. A delightful coo from Alex on the floor when she pressed a button on a new toy seems to finally shake Steve back. 

“A-are you sure?” He breaths, uncertainty all over his face.

“Absolutely.” She confirms. “I asked Natasha to be her godmother about a month ago. I mean, she could fill both parts but-”

“Yes! Yeah, I would be honored too.”

Ana beams at him, earning back the truest grin she’s seen on Steve in over a year. 

Later that afternoon, Ana gets Alex ready to head back north, changing her diaper and pulling on her jacket. Steve holds her while Ana triple checks that she has everything in the diaper bag. She spots three white envelopes, remembering the invitations she made at the beginning of January. She pulls one out.

“Oh, here,” She says, handing it to Steve. “Alex turns one in a few weeks. I would love for you to come.”

His face melts into something fond, kissing the little girl’s forehead. “Jesus. A whole year already.”

“Yeah, we’re not gonna talk about it. My baby is growing way too fast,” Ana chokes up a little, blinking away the sting in her eyes. “So, will you come? Please?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Steve promises, then he tickles Alex on her thighs. “Huh, little Coffee Bean? You gotta stop growing so fast!”

“Eeb!” She squeals gleefully, tucking her head to his chest.

“Uh, I think that means Steve,” Ana chuckles. 

Steve hugs Alex tighter. He brings her out to the car, strapping her into the safety seat, giving her one last kiss, and tucking the new bear he got her next to her bunny. Ana waits until he shuts the door. When he turns, she hugs him, arms squeezed around his torso. Steve returns the hug, and the familiarity of family washes through her; their emotions calmer than they have been.

“Thank you, Steve, for everything.” Ana mumbles into his shirt.

“Don’t even mention it,” He tells her, his arms a vice grip around her shoulders. “Really, I promise to visit when I can.”

They break apart, walking to the drivers side. Steve opens her door, then closes it once Ana is settled and clicks her seat belt on.

“Drive safe, and please, let me know when you get back.” He commands. 

“I will. Alex, baby, can wave bye-bye to Uncle Steve?” Ana questions lightly, looking over her shoulder. Alex lifts her hand, scrunching her fingers quickly and smiling.

Steve waves back, laughing. As Ana drives away, she feels much lighter than she had for the past year. Any lingering tension between her and Steve has finally dissipated. 

 One Year and Six months later . July 2021. Three years after snap:

Ana has to be sneaky, quiet as she peers around the corner, the anticipation of being caught a high risk. She startles at a small noise, quickly presses herself as close to the wall as she can, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping her position won’t be compromised. Abruptly a voice calls out.

“Fond yuuoo!”

The little voice squealing with excitement breaks Ana’s faux spy mode, yelling in delight as well. She scoops up her daughter, spinning Alex around as she giggles uncontrollably.

“Yes you did, Bean!” Ana exclaims, kissing her sweet face. “Good job!”

A round of hide and seek has been going on for the past ten minutes. Alex has immensely enjoyed hiding under blankets and popping out to “scare” her mother. Somehow, she found one of Bucky’s jackets in the open closet, choosing to hide under the leather. The sight of her big blue eyes peering over the collar was so cute, that the pang throbbing in Ana’s heart didn’t last long.

“You’re such a good little spy! Auntie Nat would be so proud!” Ana cheers. 

The toddler laughs again, planting a sloppy kiss on her mother’s lips. She makes a loud muah! sound when she pulls back. “Mommy’s ‘urn!”

“My turn? I go find you now?”

“Yes!” Alex squirms as a way to be let down. Ana complies, making sure her little feet are on the ground before she lets go. Halfway through running away, Alex stops and turns to look back at her mom. “I hungree.”

Ana can’t help but chuckle, her daughter just too adorable for her own good. She bends down, opening her arms just as Alex runs into them. “How about I just eat you for lunch instead?”

She pretends to munch on her shoulder, down to her belly. Her daughter’s joyous laughter is a beautiful symphony filling the air. It’s been one of Ana’s favorite sounds in the entire universe for the past two and a half years, right next to Bucky’s lullaby. It’s moments like these when the energy connection Ana shares with Alex feels stronger, despite the intensity of it fading over the years. It still remains, just not as potent, which has made it much easier for them to be away from each other for a few hours or even a weekend.

“Mama!” Alex pats her hair, curling her fist in the strands. “Pway daddy’s song.”

Ana smiles sweetly, emotions always flaring up when she asks about Bucky’s recording. She pushes her chestnut hair away from her eyes, the golden-brown flecks glimmering in the sea of blue. She fondly kisses the little dimple in her chin.

“How about we go get some yummys, then we can listen to daddy’s song. Sound good?”

“Nummy, nummies!” Alex shouts happily. “Auntie Nat too!”

“Yes, we can make breakfast for Auntie Nat too.”

The second the words leave Ana’s mouth, Alex with the graceful skills a two and a half year old should not have, maneuvers herself out of her mother’s arms, and takes off running. Hurriedly, Ana goes after her, her right knee joint popping as she stands. Vaguely she wonders not for the first time, if the serum has affected Alex yet. She has better hearing, and faster running than any other toddler she’s seen.

“Come back here, you little bean!” Ana teases, just seeing her little girl disappear down the hall towards the office. “Nat! Little monster incoming!”

When Ana skids into the office, she has to halt herself. Alex stopped in the middle of the room, staring at something. She turns, lifting her arms to her mom. Picking her up, Ana follows her gaze.

“Steve!” Ana starts in surprise. “Hi. Did we know you were coming today?”

“Impromptu visit,” He shrugs, wiggling his fingers at Alex. Once the little girl realizes who is in the chair, she waves back animatedly. She might not have recognized him without his beard, his face now clean shaven.

“He claims to be checking up on me,” Natasha inputs, her feet on the desk. Her eyes are glassy, the tip of her nose red. She had been crying, and the energy of the emotions settles over Ana.

“I offered to cook,” Steve quips, reaching over to tickle Alex’s foot. She giggles and hides her face in her moms hair.

“Ahh, that explains the tears,” Ana winks, then shoots Natasha a look. The other woman sniffs but flashes a brief smile.

“I threw my egg sandwich at him,” Natasha retorts, her trademark smirk pulling up the corner of her mouth. She fiddles with her hair, now mostly a pretty ombré mix of red and blonde, the length just past her shoulders.

Before Ana can respond, an alert screen pops up in front of Natasha. She opens it with a lazy flick of her hand. A voice echoing through the room stuns them.

“Hi! Is anyone home!? This is Scott Lang! We met a few years ago, at the airport, in Germany!”

All three adults turn their attention to the video screen. Ana feels like her heart ceases, her mouth falling open. She meets Steve’s eyes who quickly meets Natasha's, staring wide eyed at the screen.

“Is this-is this an old message?” Steve stutters breathlessly as he stands.

“Ant-Man!” The video continues, the man chatting away frantically.

“It’s the front gate,” Natasha intones, odd relief coloring her voice.

“What?” Ana whispers, stepping closer. She notes the timestamp at the top of the screen. 

Alex pats her cheek, softly saying “Mama?”

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” 

“How is this possible?” Steve utters, half in awe, half in disbelief.

“Oh my god, let him in!” Ana demands.

*

An hour later has Ana with her head in her hands, shaking it back and forth. 

When Natasha arrived back with Scott, he began to explain what happened to him in a jumbled chaotic mess of words. Natasha and Steve were able to calm him down, fed him after he nearly lunged for Nat’s leftover sandwich. Ana had to leave to take care of Alex, quickly feeding her lunch and putting her down for a nap. Thankfully their game of hide and seek wore the little girl out, and she was drifting off to dreamland by the first chorus of Bucky’s lullaby.

Now Ana is attempting to soothe herself, keeping her emotions and energy down. Especially after she heard the haunting call of Bucky’s voice in her head again; it’s been four months since she heard it.

“Explain it again,” Ana requests. She rubs her eyes before she looks at Scott.

He nods jerkily, an awkward grimace on his face. “Right. I was in the Quantum Realm. Hope, my...s-she was supposed to pull me out, but Thanos happened and I was stuck in there.”

“For three years?” Natasha frowns sympathetically.

“No, that’s just it. It wasn’t three years for me...it was three hours.” He elaborates. He must notice the skepticism on their faces. “I swear! The rules in there aren’t like they are up here. Time works differently in the Quantum Realm, it’s unpredictable chaos. But what if we could control it and navigate it? What if we can enter it at one point of time, then exit at another point of time? Like- Before Thanos.”

“Like a DeLorean?” Ana questions the same time Steve asks, “Like a time machine?”

“N-no, of course not!” Scott stutters, then blinks. “Well, yes. A-a time machine. It’s crazy...”

Natasha chortles under her breath. “Scott, I get emails from a raccoon, nothing is crazy anymore.”

“You’re talking about possible time travel by entering different points of time through this Quantum Realm.” Ana repeats, musing for the sake of herself. She massages her temples.

This could mean so many things. This could...this could bring back- she swallows the thick lump in her throat, forcing herself not to get any hopes up just yet. She rubs her fingers along her collarbone, chewing the corner of her lip. 

“Exactly.” Scott comments. “Is there anyone- who do we talk to about this?”

Both Steve and Natasha stare hard enough for Ana to feel it, lifting her eyes to meet their gazes. All it takes is that split second look for it to click. Falling back against the couch cushions, she exhales heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Fine.” She relents with a grumble, hands thrown up in the air. “But we’re taking Alex.”

*

Stark Lakeside Cabin: Vermont 

Lush green and brown trees blur together like a watercolor painting, the scenic view serene as the nature rushes by. Though staring out the window for the past hour of driving should have settled Ana’s nerves, the sight contrasts with the anxiety rolling in her stomach. She alternates between rubbing the skin of her collarbones raw and twisting her fingers together.

“Mommy?” 

The little voice barely breaks through the contemplation of her thoughts, her feelings. If it weren’t for the worry in her daughter’s voice Ana probably wouldn’t have acknowledged her surroundings. A small hand reaches out, gently patting her cheek, a trait Alex has done since she was a baby; especially when Ana’s emotions were surging.

“Sorry, baby girl,” Ana coos, shaking herself out of her stupor. She kisses the tips of her fingers. 

“Is sad, mama?” Alex pouts. Her blue eyes round, concerned. Ana swears her daughter has moments of wisdom far too advanced for her age. Maybe it’s their connection causing her to feel for her mother.

Soothing her hair back, Ana says, “No, love. Mama’s just fine.”

“You pway daddy’s song!” The toddler exclaims, throwing her arms up. She suddenly hands Ana her stuffed bear, bunny and her blanket. “Nap, mommy.”

Ana can’t help it, she cracks a wide smile, a tiny chuckle escaping. “Thank you, Bean. You’re the bestest.”

Alex looks proud of herself, leaning as much as she can in her car seat and puckering her lips. Ana tilts the rest of the way, pecking her daughter’s lips, then her nose. When she straightens, she catches Scott gazing at them with a fond expression. However, the flash of blue staring at her from the rear view mirror focuses her attention on Steve.

Once Alex had woken from her nap, the three adults gathered in Ana’s car, insisting the Audi SUV would be roomy enough for the nearly four hour drive. She packed extra clothes, diapers, food and a few toys in the diaper bag before buckling Alex in the car seat. Ana handed the keys over to Steve, opting to sit in the back with Alex and Scott. 

Now, Natasha subtly nudges Steve arm resting on the middle console, his eyes snap back to the road. 

“Okay, what is it?” Ana miffs. “You’ve been shooting me looks for an hour, Steve.”

He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “You sure you’re feeling alright?”

“Because your energy is making it a little dense in here.” Natasha divulges, tossing a pointed look over her shoulder.

“I thought it was just stuffy in here,” Scott inputs optimistically. “I forgot you had powers.”

Groaning, Ana throws the blanket over her head to hide her face. “Sorry,” She mutters. “I wasn’t aware I was doing anything.”

“Eh, you’re lucky the car is still running,” Nat teases. “It is an electrically run system.”

“Nat,” Steve reprimands lightly. “Get your feet off the dash. Have some manners, Romanoff.” His mirthful tone makes Natasha stick her tongue out at him.

“You’re no fun, Rogers. This is Ana’s car, she makes the rules.”

The blanket suddenly yanks off Ana’s head, Alex giggling next to her right. Ana pokes her belly, then turns her attention back to the front.

“I’ll be fine, I’m just nervous,” She bites her lip briefly before continuing. “I’ve spoken to Tony a few times, but it’s the first time I’ll see him in… almost three years.”

Another quick look from Steve in the mirror. “He does know we’re coming. Right?”

Ana slouches as much as she can with the seat belt, grimacing. “Not exactly.”

Steve groans.

“I told Pepper! May have told her not to tell him, just in case he decides to conveniently not be there when we show up.”

“This sounds like it’ll go swell.” Scott chirps sarcastically.

*

After three and a half long hours and two pits stop for Alex’s sake, they finally arrive at the Stark household in Vermont. The rustic cabin secluded in the woods, sits fifty years from a lake, the afternoon sun glittering in fractals off the surface. The view is beautiful, serene, does nothing to settle Ana’s nerves. Especially when she sees Tony walking up to his cabin carrying his child in his arms. He falters when he spots them before he continues on, turning back once. Natasha throws him a nod, as if the past three years hadn’t happened. 

Tony nods back.

“You guys go ahead,” Ana insists, “We’ll be there in a minute.”

Steve’s concerned gaze lingers until Natasha grabs him by the elbow, leading the way for the two men. Ana takes her time unbuckling Alex, her little hands on her cheeks stop her.

“Is sad, mommy.” Alex whines again, patting her hand on her face. 

“No, baby doll, I promise. I’m not sad,” Ana kisses her and puts a big smile on her face. “See! Nothing but smiles for my little bean!”

Bringing Alex in through the front door, she greets Pepper with a long hug. Her cousin says hello to her daughter, then leads Alex by the hand to Morgan, introducing the young girls. It’s also the first time Ana has met Pepper and Tony’s daughter in person, but Morgan recognizes her from all the video chats Ana had with Pepper. The children get along immediately, Morgan, now five, shares her toys with Alex. 

When Pepper convinces Ana to join the others outside, like a mature thirty-four year old, Ana whines; nerves spiking again. The older woman nudges her towards the door, promising to keep an eye on the girls. Ana quietly steps out on the deck, coming into the middle of their conversation, taking a seat on of the wicker chairs.

“The stones are in the past, we can go back and get them,” Steve is urging.

“We can snap our own fingers, bring everyone back,” Natasha adds.

“Or screw up worse than he already has.” Tony argues.

“I don’t believe we would.” Steve asserts.

“I gotta say sometimes I miss that giddy optimism,” Tony snips. “However, high hopes won’t help if there’s not a logical, tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist. I believe the most likely outcome will be our collective demise.”

Ana bites her the corner of her thumbnail, tuning out their conversation to concentrate on keeping her energy under control. She had a slight feeling Tony would be against their plan, the hurt, the disappointment,  the fact that she got her hopes up for even the smallest amount of stings. None of this will work if they don’t have Tony on their side.

Hearing the desperation in Scott’s voice makes Ana pay attention again, closely watching Tony’s face.

“I know you got a lot on the line,” Scott is saying. “A wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me, a lot of people did, and now now we have a chance to bring her back. To bring everyone back, and now you’re telling me-”

“That’s right, I am.” Tony cuts him off with no remorse. “I wish you came here to ask me something, I really do. I’m honestly happy to see you guys, table is set for seven-”

Steve interrupts him this time, stepping forward. “Tony I’m happy for you, I’m really am, but this is a second chance-”

“I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can’t roll the dice on it.”

Ana drops her face in her hands. She listens to Natasha’s gentle decline to stay for lunch, a short exchange of goodbyes and three sets of footsteps walking off the deck. Blowing out a forceful breath, Ana realizes her and Tony are alone for the first time in years. She lifts her head, met with Tony’s stoic gaze as she stands.

“Whatever you’re going to say,” He begins holding up a hand. “It won’t change my mind.”

“I know,” Ana replies softly.

They stare at each other, the air between them filled with unspoken resentment, hurt, anger. Remorse. Ana flexes her hands then curls her fingers, tampering back her urge to transmute the tension between them. The slightest pinched of Tony’s eyebrows breaks it all.

“I’m sorry.” They admit at the same time.

They laugh awkwardly. Tony dips his head, a silent notion for Ana to go first. Shoving her hands through her hair to give her something to do, she counts her breaths mentally before beginning. It’s been three years. Three long, exhausting, heartbreaking years. 

Standing in front of Tony now, someone who had become Ana’s family, who had been witness to her most life-threatening moments of her life, is overwhelming. Someone who has grown to care and love her like his own blood. Who had done everything in his power to protect her, to protect Bucky when it came to it. Who accepted Bucky despite their complicated issues. Ana is tired, she missed Tony and it’s time to mend their broken bridge.

“I should have never thrown the arc reactor at your head,” Ana admits earnestly. “I-I was in so much pain, Tony. I was hurting and scared. I lost Bucky and I...I felt when he d-died. I felt him ripped from my soul, I felt the whole world. Clearly I wasn’t in a good place when you rescued, we both weren’t. I don’t think we meant the things we said. I shouldn’t have iced you out-”

“Stop right there,” Tony cuts her off. He makes a motion like he wants to console her, but refrains. “That’s on me. I’m the one who cut you out.”

Ana scoffs. “You weren’t the one who shut their emotions off for months.”

“No, which- don’t ever do that again. Pep’s stress levels- nearly drank the entire wine cellar.”

“That’s a lot of wine.”

Tony chuckles lowly. “No, I didn’t have the talent to turn off emotions, but I may as well have. Cutting you out, not making any effort to reach out. I had time to heal from at least half of what happened. I got lucky. You...you had lost yet another member of your family.”

A lump forms in Ana’s throat, eyes beginning to water. Tony’s eyes glisten.

“I was...Pep and I...we were there for you during every loss, your parents and brother.” Tony puts his hand on his chest. “I should have been there for you when you lost Bucky, even after. I wasn’t, because of my own stubborn ass pride. I am genuinely sorry about that, Ana.”

Wiping the tears off her cheeks, Ana inclines her head, hugging herself. Tony clears his throat, then closes the distance between them, pulling her in for a long overdue hug. She wraps her arms around his chest, gripping his shirt, allowing herself to feel his energy, his emotions. The sensation of forgiveness merging together from them both.

“I’ve missed you, kid.” Tony chokes, his chin atop her head. “I really did.”

“I missed you too,” Ana sniffs. “You’ve no idea.”

Once they break apart, they take a moment to clean their own faces. Ana blows out a breath, looking over her shoulder at the car, Steve, Natasha and Scott waiting patiently. 

“Listen,” Ana begins. “I understand why you don’t want to help. You have a beautiful life, a beautiful family. I wouldn’t want to risk that either. It’s why I didn’t come here to convince you.”

“You didn’t just come to apologize either.” He specifies.

“I did not. I think it’s time you meet my daughter. Officially.”

“I would be honored.” Tony grins, like he wasn’t just crying into her hair.

Ana holds up one finger, quickly going inside. She finds Alex playing with Morgan, Pepper watching from the couch. She shoots Ana a questioning look, to which she shoots her a thumbs up. Pepper fist pumps, muttering “finally.”

She gently cajoles Alex to come with her, promising she can say goodbye to her cousin before they leave. Alex clings to her when they step back outside, Tony leaning against the wooden railing. His face brightens when he sees the little girl.

“Tony, this is Jamie Alexandra,” Ana introduces, bouncing Alex once on her hip.

Tony’s entire expression softens as he bends to Alex’s level offering her a soft friendly grin. “Nice to finally meet you, Alex.” He greets with a chipper tone. “I’m your Uncle Tony.”

Alex shies away just a little, hiding her face then peaking out.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Ana encourages softly. “He’s just old, he won’t bite.”

Tony shoots her a playful glare, then back to Alex, he pulls a silly face. Alex giggles once, then reaches out her little hand to grab at his goatee. His smile widens. “Can I get a high five?”

Alex shoots her hand out, smacking her palm against his. He proceeds to compliment her yellow velcro shoes, getting her to chat back with him. After two minutes, Alex is launching herself into Tony’s open arms, making her mother’s stomach drop to her feet.

“I hate when she does that,” Ana huffs, hand fluttering over her heart. “She’s got the agility of a gymnast right now.”

He hums in thought, hugging the girl to his chest. “Interesting. Those are some strong genes, strong grip too. She’s the spitting image of Barnes.”

A wave of longing and pride floods through Ana. “Yeah,” She exhales shakily. “At least I have a part of him in her.”

“She’s beautiful, Ana.”

“Thank you. She’s a charmer too, just like her father. Won over Nebula in a heartbeat.”

“She’s a softie at heart once you get past that murderous attitude,” Tony chuckles. He sighs, face crestfallen. “I’m sorry I can’t help.”

Ana shakes her head. “Stop. I understand. Just...hold them close, okay?”

“Will you sing daddy’s song?” Alex pipes up, using those baby blue eyes on him. Ana can almost see his heart melting.

“He doesn’t know daddy��s song, Alex,” Ana explains gently, fixing her askew shirt. “But how about we go say goodbye to your cousin Morgan and Aunt Pepper?”

“Okay,” She pouts, that lip popping out.

“What is that face? I bet I can fix that little pout,” Tony coos. “I have a juice pop just for you!”

Once they’re driving on the road again, Ana closes her eyes, wary from the trip and emotions. Alex is chattering away with Scott, the man animatedly responding back to her. Soft music croons through the radio, and the front of the car has been silent.

“What now?” Ana mumbles, rubbing her dry eyes. “We can’t do this without Tony. We have to do this right. If we don’t...I don’t want to get my hopes up and then just- I don’t think I’ll be able to handle losing him again.”

“I agree, which is why we’re making another pit stop,” Steve informs, voice tight around the edges. “It’s on the way though.”

Frowning, Ana wonders why Steve has decided to make another stop on this road trip, and where they could possibly be going.

*

 “When’s the last time any of us saw Bruce Banner?” Ana whispers as they approach the diner.

Steve hikes Alex further up his hip as he steps up to the door. “Two and a half years ago?”

“Let’s hope he’ll go for- whoa.” Scott starts, then abruptly stops.

Ana and Natasha exchanged confused looks, allowing Steve to enter the diner before them. He halts in his tracks. Alex startles, whimpering and hiding her face in Steve’s shoulder, fearfully clutching his jacket. Ana doesn’t even bother to see what scared her daughter, a spike of fear darkening the energy around her baby girl. Steve calmly turns, allowing Ana to take her from his arms.

“You should wait in the car,” He tells her, mystified expression on his face.

Ana peers around his body. “Oh. Oh my- what the hell?”

Waving happily in their direction, is the giant green hand of the Hulk. Dressed in a preppy cardigan sweater, and wearing black rimmed glasses. The sight is a little unnerving. 

“What the fuck?” Natasha breathes.

“We’ll be in the car.” Ana states, awkwardly waving back before she turns to leave.

She ends up finding an ice cream place not too far from the diner. Ana allows Alex to sit in the open trunk as she messily licks chocolate ice cream off her spoon. Ana keeps peering into the Diner, noting the disappointment look on Hulk’s- uh Bruce’s- on his face. 

As Ana wipes Alex’s face clean with wipes, the three adults exit the dinner with unreadable expressions. Except for Scott, he just looks utterly baffled. After Steve pulls onto the road again, Ana fishes for information.

“Sooo…” She drags out. “How-?”

“Bruce managed to merge himself and the Hulk together,” Natasha informs. “I don’t even know.”

“It was weird right? That was weird? It was weird.” Scott babbles.

“So he’s basically a hybrid?” Ana clarifies. “And yes, it’s a little weird.”

“A lot. It’s a lot weird- strange,” Scott whispers, eyes wide like he can’t unsee what he saw. 

Alex tilts her head curiously, then she offers her bunny to him. Scott breaks his shock, accepting the comfort stuffed animal. He gingerly pats her head and proceeds to make a show of cuddling the bunny to his chest. Pride and adoration bloom in Ana’s chest for her daughter.

“Right, well. What did he say? Did he agree?” Ana questions.

“Took a bit of convincing, but yes,” Steve answers, eyes meeting hers in the rear view mirror.

For the first time in three years, Ana allows herself just the faintest ounce of hope.

*

It takes three days for Bruce and Scott to figure out- hopefully - the Quantum Realm and traveling through it. Ana had stayed well out of the way, Quantum Physics being too far off her scope of practice. Although Bruce tried to persuade her into attempting to control and feeling out some of the energy raging through the portal. Ana refused; not that she possibly couldn’t  do it, but she had Alex to think about and if something went wrong well. She wasn’t going to make an orphan out of her daughter. 

Now Alex is taking turns feeding Ana her chicken nuggets as they sit at the dining table. The toddler tries to feed her stuffed animals sitting next to her, and Ana doesn't have the heart to tell her that her BunBun and Beary can’t actually eat it. So when she isn’t looking, Ana quickly eats their portions, just to make Alex smile in satisfaction.

Heavy footsteps echo from the entrance, an irritated Steve sped walking past, shaking his head. There’s a cloud of exasperated energy hanging over him, disappearing down the hallway towards his room. Ana stands, straining her ears to listen to what he might be doing. She doesn’t wait long, for he comes stomping back.

“Uh, Steve?” Ana calls cautiously.

“He turned into a baby,” Steve snaps, throwing his hands up in the air as he exits. “A fucking baby!”

Gaping, Ana just blinks, wondering what exactly happened down in the hanger. Then-

“Fucking!”

Ana gasps hearing her daughter’s little voice repeating the curse. She looks down, Alex oddly seems coy, proud of herself and she resembles Bucky so much, it almost makes Ana laugh.

“No!” Ana scolds, but her lips are twitching. 

“Fucking!” Alex chirps, munching on a chicken nugget.

“Jamie Alexander, that is a bad word. We do not say that.”

Alex hunches her shoulders, corners of her mouth pulled down, those sky blue eyes round and innocent. Ana holds out for as long as she can, narrowing her eyes with her arms crossed. Alex scoots the rest of her food over to her mother, the right corner of her mouth ticking up. Ana’s heart clenches; daughter of Bucky Barnes indeed.

“Swrry, mama,” Alex mumbles. "Is mad mommy?"

Finally, she cracks a smile. “No, baby doll.” She kisses her forehead and steals one more nugget. 

Five minutes pass, Alex carrying her plate to the sink with Ana’s help, when two sets of footsteps alert her. She hands her daughter another juice box, as Steve enters again. Trailing behind him is Tony.

Inhaling sharply, Ana stares at him. Tony being here means one thing. He shrugs, holding up his fist, a strange watch-like gadget wrapped around his hand.

“Figured it out,” Tony announces like he’s noting the weather. “Let’s not harp on it. I was getting bored up there, composting isn’t as thrilling as it sounds.”

Ana exhales on a half laugh. “We’re doing this then?”

The gleam in Tony’s dark eyes sparks a new hope in Ana’s chest.

“We’re doing this.”

****************************************************************

A/N:  This isn't one of the favorite chapters I've written so I apologize if it's lackluster or no one liked it. But, it's important to set up for the next chapters and coming to the end of this story.

Drabbles: Twenty-Five        Drabbles: Twenty-Seven 

 Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​ @buckyland​ @stressedasalways​ @watchoutforfrostbite​ @justreadingfics​ @keldachick​ @eurynome827​ @elatedmarvel​ @shesalatesh​ @paintedgreywriting​ @buckaroo-blue​ @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin​ @crushedbyhyperbole​ @jaxthebookworm​ @gamorazenn​ @happinessisaloadedgun​​ @je-suis-prest-rachel​​

[garbinge]

Garbinge Masterlist

All works are 18+, minors do not engage.

Fandoms below the cut: Mayans MC, SOA, MCU, The Punisher, Bridgerton, Outer Banks, Narcos, Stranger Things, The Last of Us, The Bear, and The Mandalorian, The Rookie, and 9-1-1. 

Requests are open! 

📖 - Multi-chap/ Multi-part

Mayans MC:

📖 Contaminated - Dad!Bishop Losa & OC Lara Losa / Angel Reyes x OC Lara

Seen - Dad!Bishop Losa & OC Lara Losa / Angel Reyes x OC Lara

Family Night - Ez Reyes & Angel Reyes & Sister!OC Manny Reyes

Break in - Bishop Losa x OC Manny Reyes 

Cold - Nestor Oceteva x Galindo!Sister Reader

📖 Minimum Wage - Nestor Oceteva x Galindo!Sister Reader (Pt 1)

📖 Commission Job - Nestor Oceteva x Galindo!Sister Reader (Pt 2)

Stranded - Angel Reyes x EZ Reyes x Platonic!Reader

📖 New Years Resolutions Pt 1 - Nestor Oceteva x F!Reader

📖 New Years Resolutions Pt 2 - Nestor Oceteva x F!Reader

The Odds of a Jawbreaker -  EZ Reyes x OC Julia ‘Jules’ Silva

Pottery - Angel Reyes & EZ Reyes & Sister OC Cynalena ‘Cyn’ Reyes

Prank Wars - Angel Reyes x F!Reader

Moving Day - Angel Reyes & EZ Reyes & Platonic!OC Andrea Baros Motion Sick - Angel Reyes x F!Reader Mistakes - Angel Reyes & EZ Reyes & OC Rosario Reyes Tribute - Angel Reyes & EZ Reyes & OC Manny Reyes

Country Shit - Gilly Lopez x F!Reader Nice but Bad - Angel Reyes & Emily Thomas

Wanderlust - Angel Reyes (Mentions of OC Isabeth ‘Izzy’ Flores) Believe it or not - EZ Reyes x Nestor Oceteva

SOA:

Best Friend - Opie Winston x Teller!Sister Reader

Home - Jax Teller x F!Reader (Pt 1)

Riding with Angels - Jax Teller x F!Reader (Pt 2)

📖 Charming Life - Opie Winston x Teller!Sister OC Joanne ‘Jo’ Teller / Jax Teller x Gemma Teller x Teller!Sister OC Joanne Teller

Ivy Coated Castle - Opie Winston x Teller!Sister OC Joanne ‘Jo’ Teller

Fairytale - Jax Teller & OC Joanne ‘Jo’ Teller / Tara Knowles & OC Joanne Teller / Opie Winston x OC Joanne Teller

Graduation Day - Jax Teller & OC Joanne ‘Jo’ Teller / Opie Winston x OC Joanne Teller (Also in fic: Bobby Munson, Clay Morrow, Gemma Teller, and Tig Trager)

A Very Ugly Tie - Jax Teller & Teller!Sister OC Joanne Teller 

Flower Crowns - Happy Lowman & Daughter OC Scarlett Lowman

Chalk Drawings - Happy Lowman & Juice Ortiz & Platonic!Reader Jax Teller & Teller!Sister Reader Opie Winston x Teller!Sister Reader

Picnics - Juice Ortiz x F!Reader 📖 Maybe One Day (Pt 1) - Chibs x TellerSister!Reader 📖 But Not Today (Pt 2) - Chibs x TellerSister!Reader Never Okay - Opie Winston x OC Joanne Teller Bad Haircut - Opie Winston & OC Joanne Teller & Jax Teller

Marvel Cinematic Universe:

📖 My Best Girl - Dad!Tony Stark & OC Maxine Stark / Steve Rogers x OC Maxine 

Festival - (40s) Bucky Barnes x OC Adelaide Redi / (40s) Steve Rogers & Platonic OC Adelaide Redi

The Punisher: 

You Owe Me - Frank Castle x Platonic OC Ana Tyler

Synchronized Watches - Frank Castle x Platonic!OC Ana Tyler

Unfair - Frank Castle x OC Georgia Madden

Broken - Franke Castle x F!Reader

Bridgerton:

Already Said Yes - Benedict Bridgerton x OC Samantha Crown

Outer Banks:

When Summer Ends - Topper Thornton x Maybank!Sister OC

Narcos:

In The Midst of Chaos - Javier Peña x F!Reader

Something Borrowed - Javier Peña x F!Reader

What Friends Are For - Steve Murphy x Platonic!Reader

📖 Superhero - Javier Peña x F!Reader

History in a bar - Javier Peña & F!Reader Circles - Steve Murphy x Sister!Reader | Javier Peña x Murphy!F!Reader A Hole In A Shoe -  Steve Murphy x Sister!Reader | Javier Peña x Murphy!F!Reader Something Out of the Ordinary - Steve Murphy x F!Reader Stuck Record - Steve Murphy x F!Reader

For Old Time’s Sake - Horacio Carrillo x F!Reader

Foldin’ Clothes - Steve Murphy x F!Reader

Watching Time - Chepe Santacruz x Pacho Herrera

Things I Should Have Said - Javier Peña x F!Reader

Country Store Cherry Chocolate - Steve Murphy & Murphy!Sister!Reader For Old Times Sake - Horacio Carrillo x F!Reader

Stranger Things:

D&D Night - Eddie Munson x F!Reader Running Eyeliner - Eddie Munson x F!Reader

The Last of Us:

Midnight Movie - Tommy Miller x F!Reader

Let Me Come Home - Joel Miller x F!Reader

The Bear: 

📖 My Best Friend’s Cousin - Richie Jerimovich x F!Reader / Carmy Berzatto x Platonic!F!Reader (was originally a bunch of individual fics but I’ve combined them into their own multi-chap post).  You, Me & Italy - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader Flower Shop - Richie Jerimovich x F!Reader

The Mandalorian:

The Long Game - Din Djarin x Pregnant!F!Reader

The Rookie:

Clean Cut - Tim Bradford x F!Nurse!Reader

Earthquakes and Promotions - Tim Bradford x F!Nurse!Reader

9-1-1:

Backfired- Eddie Diaz & Sister!Reader

Gilmore Girls:

Jane Austen and a New York Bench - Jess Mariano x F!Reader

Crossovers:

And You? - Jax Teller & Steve Murphy  

[jeonstellate]

classified files: out of time — file ix

reese katherine reunites with her mother.

⍟༄ platonic!steve rogers x original character

⍟༄ depictions of grief, mentions of abduction and suicide

⍟༄ paragraph format — 1.3K words

masterlist | cf: out of time masterlist | bonus

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

It was four o’clock in the afternoon. The sky was already dark, yet there was still a remaining light hue surrounding it. Only a small fraction of the sun remained visible in the horizon, no longer providing light and warmth to those who were still out and about. Instead, it was finally the moon’s turn to shine upon the city.

Reese Carter found herself in the topmost unideal place to be once night fell: the cemetery. She was sitting on a well-maintained land of grass, just across a tombstone made of granite. There was no ounce of fear in her bloodstream, because she had always been safe with her mother around.

“Mum— Mummy,” she murmured. The fluidity of her voice made it clear that she was so used to having her mother around and her stutter conveyed her broken heart for the reality. “It’s Reese— Reese Katherine, your little warrior. D’you remember?”

As per the Avengers’ request, she was wearing a wire — an instrument that they said would help to keep her safe. Unbeknownst to her, however, the wire — which was just an earpiece, really — allowed a two-way communication between her and them.

“You adopted me when I was seven months old, in 1948. You named me and let Auntie Angie pick my first. You gave me my birthday — June 18th, which was the date they finalized my adoption.”

The heroes had to stiff a collective gasp. The date of Reese’s so-called birthday coincidentally happened to be identical to the second date on Peggy Carter’s tombstone — which, considering that she inherited her traits from her blood-parents, could only mean—

“Oh,” they heard the exact moment when the realization dawned on her, “you died on my birthday.” There it was, the pain of self-blame oozing in her voice. “Did you remember? Was your— was your memories of me too painful?”

The Avengers poked their heads from their hiding spots, seemingly anticipating something that might require their assistance — although not as Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, but as self-proclaimed guardians of a semi-stable teenager. Their eyes trailed her figure, but they were careful not to stare too intently.

Reese looked up at the sky, “Did I kill you, mother?”

Tears streamed down her face. Under the moonlight, they shone like stars. Her eyes, instead of holding innocent light, held agony and resignation. Upon noticing, Steve Rogers instinctively wanted to comfort her, but was stopped by Tony Stark with a small promise of “later.”

It took a while before the teen recovered from the burst of strong emotion that overtook her. Yet, when she finally did, she chose to continue her story. “When I was twelve, we were about to head to Auntie Ana’s. I had forgotten my hat at our flat, so I went back to get it. You stayed behind because I told you I would be quick — and I would have been, if it weren’t for the three men that ambushed me as soon as I opened the door.

“I tried to fight them using the techniques you taught me. I would’ve succeeded, too, but they injected me with some drug. I lost consciousness then.” Reese didn’t bother wiping her tears away, partly because they kept on coming. Her attention was directed to her mother’s tombstone, but she had a faraway look in her eyes.

“When I gained consciousness, I found myself strapped on a table. I didn’t know where they were taking me — I just know I was in an aircraft, so it must’ve meant I was being transported somewhere far. I was so— so frightened, mummy. What if they hurt you to get to me? What if you thought I left you on purpose?”

Reese’s tears flowed harder than waterfalls, yet she didn’t wail nor did she move from her spot. She remained distracted by the unknown from far away and was somehow indifferent.

“I heard accented voices and they were getting louder. I froze in fright, but I managed to close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. The voices eventually got clearer and I knew they were in the room I was in. They were talking in English, so I understood what they were talking about: it was me.”

Two sets of footsteps echoed through. Except for the engines that seemed to rumble underneath, it was relatively quiet. On the far-end corner, Reese Katherine was strapped on a table on both of her shoulders and hips. She was conscious, but was pretending to be asleep to buy herself more time to think of an escape route — as well as some alternatives.

“Choosing Captain Rogers’ liaison to care for Subject 374 might’ve been the best choice HYDRA made for the interest of the Demigods project.” Being restricted on using her sight to assess her situation, Reese relied on her sense of hearing. Although stereotypes were often inaccurate, she based their appearances on their voices.

“Indeed.” Both of the voices were coated with thick, Eurasian accents. They were unfamiliar to her and, thus, could be quite intimidating to hear. “Although she protected Subject 374 quite too well, don’t you think? She singlehandedly delayed HYDRA’s operation by two years, how can we be sure she hasn’t inflicted her blood?”

“We have anticipated that, of course, and we are prepared to erase such influences by any means necessary. HYDRA simply cannot afford any compromise — not in Demigods, not in anything else.”

“I presume you have found a cure for Subject 374’s airway inflammation?“ Unbeknownst to the gentlemen, while they were preoccupied on conversing, Reese was slyly and gradually freeing herself from her bonds. However, she made no attempt at escaping just yet.

“Unfortunately,” there was no hint of sadness in his voice. “But we did find a way to prevent it from interfering in Subject 374’s future occupation as HYDRA’s greatest weapon.

“She’ll bring the world on its knees, starting from her mother and those that helped put HYDRA on the ground.”

Reese had enough then.

“I ran through the whole airplane trying to find a way out. I was surrounded by enemies; by people I couldn’t trust, so I knew I had to escape as fast as possible. When I saw the door unattended, I knew it was my only chance.

“I jumped without any parachute. I jumped knowing that the plane was flying over a vast ocean. I jumped knowing that I would die. I jumped knowing that you were waiting for me back home and that I’d never see you again. I jumped thinking that it was better than being used as a mindless machine to hurt you; to hurt Auntie Ana, Uncle Jarvis, Uncle Howard, and Auntie Angie. I jumped thinking I was moments away from watching over you next to Captains Carter and Rogers.”

The Avengers held their breath. Reese hadn’t give any indication that she was familiar, besides his sacrifice and the aftermath of his decision, to Peggy and Steve’s relationship. However, based on how comfortable she was on mentioning his name — like he had been a big part of her life despite not being physically there, they could only assume that she and her mother talked about him more often than she initially let on.

“At that moment, I finally fully understood why Captain Rogers made his choice. I never meant to leave in the same matter he did, especially when I grew up witnessing how much that affected you, but it was the only way. I had to die, mum, to save thousands. A life — my life — for the world.”

Her tears kept coming still, but she couldn’t care less. She was just so exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She wouldn’t mind falling into another abnormally long slumber and not wake up from it at all, yet still chose to put a façade for her mother.

“I’ll be okay. Eventually.”

[ao3feed-buckyxtony]

A Tragedy of Lies and Soulmates

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineering working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

[ao3feed-thorki]

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP k505

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineer working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Mpreg

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

[ao3feed-stucky]

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineer working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink

[percywinchester27]

Ana’s PJO quotes Challenge

Guess who came up with a challenge? That’s right! Your little fangirl over here presents her very first challenge, with prompts based on quotes from Rick Riordan’s books (Mostly PJO).

For those who have read the books, y’all know how hilarious the prompts can be. For those who haven’t, take a look at the prompts anyway! They might interest you :)

ALSO I have NO IDEA how these prompts fit in so well with SPN-verse. It had me baffled too. Trust me!

Rules:

You don’t have to be following me, but it would be nice :)

The due date is December 10th. If you wanna pull out, or need an extension, please let me know a week before. I know life can get really unpredictable, so we can work it out.

The minimum word count is 500 words, and maximum is 7k.

Please use a “keep reading” option after the first 500 words or so. I insist upon this.

It has to be a reader insert or a general fic. You can write for both characters as well as RPF (J2M only and No wife hate). It can be canon or it can be an AU.

You can write a fluffy, angsty or even smutty fic should the prompt inspire you, but please try not to make it a super detailed PWP fic, it’s just not my thing.

It can be a one shot, drabble or start of a series only.

Mention in the Author's note that it is for my (@percywinchester27) “Ana’s PJO quotes Challenge” and the prompt you’ve chosen. Use the hashtag #Ana’s PJO quotes Challenge in the first 5 tags so I can track it.

If I don’t like the post within 2 days, please IM me a link. Tumblr likes to be mean sometimes and there’s every chance that I didn’t get the tag.

Only one prompt per person. If you’ve already posted one entry, you can come back for another prompt.

Lastly, HAVE FUN!!

Send an Ask stating the prompt number and a backup in case the first one is taken along with the pairing.

Full prompt list below the cut:

Dialogue Prompts (Only the pronouns can be tweaked in the prompts):

“Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.” @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester Dean X Reader

“We're staying together," he promised. "You're not getting away from me. Never again.” @bringmesomepie56 Dean X Reader

“Lots of death, huh? Personally, I'm trying to avoid lots of death, but you guys have fun!” @luci-in-trenchcoats Dean X Reader

“Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.” @jessicawritessmut Jensen x reader

“I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts” @homeschooledonmyhands sister!reader

He forced his fists to unclench. "Look, lady, we're not going to go all Hunger Games on each other. Isn't going to happen.” @melonshino dean x reader

“Being a hero doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It just means that you’re brave enough to stand up and do what’s needed.” @nichelle-my-belle Dean X Reader

“Sugar and caffeine. My willpower crumbled.” @queencflair Dean X Reader

“Scrawny? Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot.” @avengingandstuff   Steve Rogers X Reader

“Back in my day, we died all the time, and we liked it!” @drarina1737

“Catch that last episode of Doctor Who? Oh, right. You were trudging through the Pit of Eternal Damnation!” @dauntlessdiva Dean X Reader

“You can't choose your parentage. But you can choose your legacy.” @percussiongirl2017 sister!reader/ platonic!reader

“Everyone hates clowns," ------ said. "Even other clowns hate clowns.” @growningupgeek Sam X Reader

“You, sir, are a ray of sunshine. @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog Dean X Reader

“I wake up every morning and think: You know what would be good today? Not dying.” @roxyspearing Dean X Reader

“Don't you ever feel that way? Like you could do a better job if you ran the world?''Um... no. Me running the world would be kind of a nightmare.” @rizlow1 Dean X Reader

“I know, I'm an idiot!" he moaned. "A brilliant idiot, but still an idiot.”  @anticipate1003 gen fic

“That's what happens when it snows in Texas lady. It. Freaking. Melts.” @evil-spn-girl Jared X Reader

“Decapitation is not a healthy lifestyle choice.” @justanotherdeangirl Dean X Reader

“How come I never get invited on these violent trips?” @uniquewerewolfsuit Jared X Reader

“She didn’t want to sleep, but her body betrayed her. Her eyelids turned to lead. “Hey, wake me for second watch. Don’t be a hero.”He gave her that smirk she’d come to love. “Who, me?”He kissed her, his lips parched and feverishly warm. “Sleep.” @torn-and-frayed Dean X Reader

“I gave her my deluxe I'll-Kill-You-Later stare.” @jayankles Jensen x reader

“You drool when you sleep.” @captainemwinchester Dean X reader

“Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies” @boxywrites Alpha!Dean X Omega!Reader

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”  @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel Dean X reader

“Daddy will explain. Come, he is blowing up monsters.” @sea040561 Misha X Reader

“We'll have to work on your bunny phobia later.” @crispychrissy Dean X Reader

“Life is only precious because it ends, kid.” @summer-binging-spn  Dean X Reader

“Met them. Killed them. Got the T-shirt.”  @internationalfandomgirl  Sam X Reader

“The thing about plummetting downhill at fifty miles an hour on a snack platter - if you realize it's a bad idea when you're halfway down, it's too late.”  @iputthesininbuisness  Dean X Reader

“We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.” @imaginesforthose-wholovefandoms Dean X Reader

“I hate this plan,” I said. “Let’s do it.” @plaidstiel-wormstache Dean X Reader

“If I'm dead," he murmured. "Why does it hurt so much?” @grace-for-sale

“Oh, did you expect me to play fair?" Cupid laughed. "I am the god of love. I am never fair.” @mysupernaturalfics Dean X Reader

“With great power... comes need to take a nap. Wake me up later” @winchesterprincessbride Sam X Reader

“I try very hard to be annoying. Don’t insult my ability to annoy.” @captainradicalpassion Dean x Reader

“I won't go looking for trouble. I usually don't have too.” @deanssweatheart23  Dean X Reader

“I tried to think of something to say. Excuse me? Hello? Marry me? Anything would have done.” @thing-you-do-with-that-thing Jensen X Reader

“Clearly, the conversation is giving your two brain cells a serious workout.” @winchester-smut dean X reader

“I've seen a lot of brave things. But what you just did? That was maybe the bravest.” @supernatural-jackles Dean/ Jensen X Reader

Sentence prompts (If you wanna use these as dialogue prompt, go ahead! But you can’t tweak them except the pronouns):

41. It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. @imweirdandobsessed Sam X Reader

42. Far, far below, red liquid bubbled. Blood? Lava? Evil ketchup? None of the possibilities were good. @sdavid09  Gabriel x Reader

43. When she kissed me, I had the feeling my brain was melting right through my body. @samwinjarpad Sam X Reader

44. She'd secretly had a crush on him since they were twelve years old. Last summer, she'd fallen for him hard. @secretlyfurrydragon Jensen X Reader AU

45. She grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss, which effectively shut him up. @darcy-winters Dean X Reader

46. I gave the dwarves an arrogant look, like, Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got a talking disco sword and you don’t. @sdavid09 

47. The plan had three phases: dangerous, really dangerous and insanely dangerous.   @thebitterbookeater Peter Parker X Reader

48. Her hair is smoldering. Her face was smudged with soot. She had a cut on her arms, her dress was torn, and she was missing a boot. Beautiful.  @docharleythegeekqueen  Dean X Reader

49. Humor was a good way to hide the pain. @kas-not-cas Dean X Reader 

50. Myths are simply stories about truths we've forgotten. @justme-noonebutme

51. It was a crazy idea. But, as usual, that’s all he had. @acreativelydifferentlove  Dean X Reader

52. “It's okay,” he said. “We're together.” He didn't say you're okay, or we're alive. After all they'd been through over the last year, he knew that the most important thing was that they were together. She loved him for saying that.” @sams-bubblegum-bitch

53. She looked at me, like she was drinking in the fact that I was still here. And I realized I was doing the same thing. The world was collapsing, and the only thing that really mattered to me was that she was alive. @ravengirl94 Dean X Reader

54. No one can hate you with more intensity than someone who used to love you. @mrspadalackles  Dean X Reader

55. He didn't think much of fates and prophecies, but he did believe in one thing: ------- and he were supposed to be together. @jotink78 Dean X Reader

*This is mostly for the SPN-verse. But should a prompt really speak to you, for Marvel or HP, feel free to IM me with your idea and fandom. If I read those, maybe we can work it out* 

Tagging folks off the top of my head who might be interested in participating and/ or signal boosting:

@sdavid09 @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @grace-for-sale @kas-not-cas @blacktithe7 @mysupernaturalfics @feelmyroarrrr @melonberri @torn-and-frayed @bringmesomepie56 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @supernatural-jackles @mrswhozeewhatsis @mamapeterson @atc74 @jayankles @chelsea072498 @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @kittenofdoomage @winchesterprincessbride @iwantthedean @impalaimagining @impala-dreamer @luci-in-trenchcoats @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @deanssweetheart23 @ravengirl94 @jotink78 @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog

[ao3feedphan]

One Shots 2~ Books, Movies, Games and other Formats REQUESTS OPEN

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2ZOHe3i

by MadSalty017

Hello! If you're looking to request a One-Shot about a couple of band members, head on over to the first One-Shots book! Or you can click this handy-dandy link and it'll take you right there!

Requests are currently open!

One-Shots done so far: Connor RK800 X Reader (Detroit: Become Human) Ana Muller X Eve Stump (From my book Can You Hear Me?) John X Mari (From my book She's With Me (Currently being rewritten) Nick Valentine X Request (Fallout: New Vegas) Peter Parker X Reader (Marvel) Steve Rogers X Reader (Marvel) Tony Stark X Reader (Marvel) Dan Howell X Phil Lester (YouTube) and many more!

Words: 8802, Chapters: 12/?, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of One Shots

Fandoms: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Original Work, Fallout: New Vegas, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), jacksepticeye

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Multi

Characters: RK800 "Connor" Android(s) (Detroit: Become Human), Reader, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Nick Valentine, Peter Parker, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Sean McLoughlin, Hank Anderson

Relationships: Connor/Reader, Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Nick Valentine/Reader, Peter Parker/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader, Tony Stark/Reader, Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Hank Anderson & Connor

Additional Tags: Detroit: Become Human - Freeform, Love, platonic, Marvel - Freeform, One-Shots, Romance, ships, XReader

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2ZOHe3i

[fy-dr-janefoster]

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineer working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink

Thane Fosterson via AO3 works tagged 'Jane Foster/Thor'

[ao3feed-fratt]

A Tragedy of Lies and Soulmates

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineer working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Mpreg

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 25

The Barnes Girls

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Slight grief. Not shying away from breastfeeding

Words: I shit you not...16,071. I’m sorry. Idk what life is anymore.

A/N: (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me.

Every faint tick, every slight tock causes muscles to twitch, sets Steve on edge as he waits, wringing his hands together. Presses his fingers between the spaces of each knuckle until it hurts, then he switches. Knead, twist, press, switch hands, repeat.

The waiting room of the maternity ward is more welcoming than that of any others he has sat in, with good reason. Although it doesn’t ward off the nerves of Pepper, who had arrived just ten minutes after they took Ana to the delivery room. She keeps glancing at the obnoxious clock on the wall; her phone constantly vibrates.

When the lights began to flicker, dread settled deep in his bones, and Pepper’s panicked eyes met his. He couldn’t offer her any sort of comfort, and all Steve could imagine was how Bucky would be handling this situation if he were here. Next to his wife.

After what feels like hours, Natasha stumbles into the room, catching herself on the nearest chair. Both Steve and Pepper rush to her, Steve guiding her into the chair. Her fingers shake slightly as she grips his shoulder, her skin is paler than usual, her eyes look a little haunted. All things Steve has seen before, but not in this current situation, it makes his stomach drop to his feet.

“Natasha,” Pepper whispers in fear. “Is she? Are they-please tell me they’re okay?”

She nods once, wide green gaze meeting Pepper’s frantic expression. Nodding with more vigor, she says, “Mother and daughter are recovering. They’re fine now.”

The tremor in her voice, the way she phrased her words, Steve immediately figures out the birth wasn’t easy. He swallows thickly. “What happened?”

“They’re fine now.” Natasha repeats, more aware. “But- she almost…I don’t understand what happened. None of us did.”

Pepper leaves her side to quickly grab her water bottle and forces it into Natasha’s hands. Steve waits patiently, rubbing comforting circles on her back. She takes several long sips, inhales deeply, then nods again.

“Placental abruption.”

“Oh god,” Pepper gasps, hand flying to cover her mouth.

“What?” Steve can’t help but question. Judging by Pepper’s reaction, it wasn’t good.

“She’s okay, they’re okay, I swear,” Nat reassures them. “Ana’s placenta ruptured right as she started delivery. Doctor Hammond was amazing, was able to stop the bleeding quickly, but before that…I think that shield Ana had around the baby broke. It suddenly wasn’t there anymore. When the baby came, s-she wasn’t breathing right away, she didn’t even cry.”

She drags her hand down her face, her eyes glazing over. “I don’t know if Ana could hear what was happening, but she knew, she knew something was wrong and the power started going haywire. I t-think she transferred every ounce of her energy to the baby because then she just….flatlined.”

Steve’s lungs stop working, his blood turns cold. For a wild second, he pictures Ana lifeless in that room, giving everything she had to her baby. Blessedly, logic reminds him that both she and the baby are recovering. He digs his nails into his palm, keeps his emotions in check. He casts a quick glance to Pepper, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“It was only for a few seconds a minute maybe,” Nat continues. “But when she did whatever she did, the baby started crying. They took her away to check her over. They surrounded Ana and pushed me aside. There was so much blood…so much-“

“Nat,” Steve interrupts her as gently as he can, pulling her focus back to them. “You said they’re okay now?”

“Y-yeah. Everyone thought- no one knows what happened. She wasn’t breathing, her heart stopped, then suddenly, she was gasping and asking for her baby.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Pepper whispers after a stretch of silence. “How is that possible?”

Natasha shrugs, her head falling back against the wall. “Could be her powers? Could have been the serum? They’re spending the night in the ICU, just so the doctor can monitor them closely, but both Ana’s and the baby’s vitals are normal, healthy.”

“You think the serum saved Ana, or both of them?” Steve muses, keeping his voice low. His mind is reeling.

“I don’t know, Steve,” She sighs wearily, her eyes slipping closed. “It happened so fast, everything did.”

Taking off his leather jacket, Steve places it over his shaken friend. “Want me to take you home?”

“No, I don’t mind staying,” She answers quietly. “Pepper-“

Pepper takes Natasha’s hand and hastily wipes the tears falling down her own cheeks. “Y-yes?”

“It’s alright. They’re okay, I swear. You’re family, they might allow you to see them.”

She sniffs. “It’s worth a try. Is she, the baby, is she small?”

A slow smile spread across Nat’s lips, her eyes cracking open. “Tiny. Five pounds, four ounces, seventeen inches. She’s so small. Healthy and breathing on her own though.”

With Natasha’s constant reassurance, despite how scared she looked when she came out, relief overcomes Steve. The tightness in his chest eases, his muscles relax, he can breathe easier, and the rocks in his stomach are gone.

Pepper throws her arms around Natasha as best she can. Her phone buzzes again, and finally, after a gracious kiss to Nat’s head, gets up to answer the call. Steve has a suspicion the frantic vibrations are calls from Tony.

“Hey,” Steve nudges the sleepy woman in the chair.

Nat hums in response. He pushes stray hairs away from her cheek and behind her ear. Tear tracks shine against the fluorescent light of the waiting room. Just then, the other family that had been waiting in the back corner all stand when two new fathers enter. Steve smiles at them, then tunes out their excitement and celebrations, focusing on his friend.

“Nat, let's get you home. If they let Pepper stay, Ana and the baby will be well taken care of.”

“Don’t you want to see them?” Natasha blinks back to full consciousness. “She’s beautiful, Steve.”

“I bet, but there’s no point in us spending the night. Let’s rest up, visit them tomorrow.”

Blowing out a breath, Natasha suddenly pushes herself off the chair, sliding her arms through the brown jacket. It’s a show of solace, put on for Pepper’s sake; if Natasha is comfortable leaving, then hopefully that convinces Pepper that things are good.

“You sure you’re okay?” Steve murmurs, steadying her as she sways.

“M’fine, Rogers. I’m not the one who just gave birth.” Though she does hook her arm through his when he offers. “Ana was phenomenal though, up to that last second.”

“I have no doubt.” Steve pats her hand as Pepper comes back from the hallway.

Her eyes are red, her face damp as she pockets her phone. She wipes her cheeks, her shaky hand trailing down her neck, tapping her thumb against her collarbone. It’s a trait she shares with Ana.

“I caught a nurse in the hallway,” She informs them, “She said I could stay.”

Steve nods, thankful that Ana will have family with her overnight. He gives her a strong, comforting hug as they say goodnight, and thanks her for rushing over. 

“It’s still tense between them,” She mumbles in his ear, “but Tony was worried. He still cares for her. He’s happy they’re okay.”

Steve hugs her a bit tighter, then steps back to let the women say goodnight. Once him and Nat leave, and he settles her in the car, promising to stop for coffee somewhere, she exhales. 

Natasha turns her head to look at him as he pulls into traffic. “She’s got his eyes, Steve. I don’t how that’s possible. Newborns just don’t have eyes that blue so quickly.”

An abrupt burning settles in Steve’s throat. “She-she has Bucky’s eyes?”

“Yeah. She’s beautiful.”

He bites the side of his cheek to hold off the tears stinging his eyes.

**

Gentle fingers stroke through sweat damp, tangled hair, pulling Ana back from the light doze she just fell into.

“Bucky?” She mumbles, dazed, blinking away an orange hue from her vision.

Instead of the strange dream world, her eyes focus on a little bundle wrapped in a blanket next to her. Her arm is outstretched, tiny fingers wrapped around her index finger. Ana pops her head up to see better, watching her baby’s chest rise and fall. Reassured her daughter is still breathing, and the numbers on the monitor haven’t changed, she finally becomes aware of her surroundings.

“Pep?” Ana questions, her eyes tearing up.

“Hey, Bug,” Pepper smiles at her, fingers still combing through her hair.

 “When did you get here?”

“About four hours ago. Dr. Hammond said I could stay the night, if it’s alright with you. I understand if you don’t-“

“No, please stay.” Ana begs quietly. She takes her cousin's hand with her free one, and squeezes. “I need you here.”

The older woman leans over and presses a kiss to her forehead, then notices the IV in her hand. “How are you feeling? Natasha told me everything, and I spoke with the doctor.”

Inhaling deeply, Ana glances at her daughter again, watching her tiny nose twitch. “I haven’t been told the details yet, but, I feel okay. Sore, in a little pain, but otherwise okay. She still has all ten fingers and toes right?”

Pepper hides her smile by biting her lip. She follows Ana’s line of sight, peering over the plastic hospital crib. “Don’t see little toes just yet, but I’m sure they’re all there.”

Ana huffs a laugh, looking over her daughter once more. For being a preemie, and whatever birth complication had happened, her little baby is only hooked up to two wires; heart and oxygen monitors. She motions for Pepper to help her sit up as she carefully slips her finger out of her daughter’s grasp. The loss of contact causes her chest to tighten, as if her powers can feel the new energy breaking off.

“Pep, this is Jamie Alexandra Barnes.”

Her expression cracks, eyes shining with sympathy. 

“I think I’ll call her by Alex though,” Ana inputs, leaning over to cup her daughter’s head. Her eyes begin to water. “I think I was planning to name my baby after my brother no matter what, but then,” She clears her throat as a tear escapes her eye. “I think it’s a good way to honor both of them.”

The older woman squeezes her shoulder in a comforting gesture. “It’s perfect. May I hold her?” 

“Of course, just mind the wires.”

She watches as her cousin carefully picks up her daughter, Ana’s fingers twitching to grab hold of her. Instead, she folds her hands together, ignoring the urge to take her baby back in her arms. Alex is perfectly safe in Pepper’s grasp, she’s family, she’s a mother. She knows what she’s doing.

Ana focuses on Pepper’s face, her bright smile, her proud eyes as she quietly talks to the baby. Introducing herself and making cooing sounds. Alex squirms for a moment, but stays fast asleep. Ana reaches over to retuck the bottom of the blanket that unfastened, and the odd itch in her hands dissipates. 

Pepper doesn’t hold her for too long, passing the snoozing baby back to Ana. She has an inkling that Pepper may have sensed the unease of her daughter in someone else’s arms. Sending a grateful smile toward her cousin, she snuggles Alex close to her chest as her baby grunts softly, her head moving like she’s trying to get comfortable. 

“She’s so small,” Pepper comments, placing her hand over the baby’s back. “I told Tony.”

Ana blinks. “Oh. Good. I-I forgot to text…”

“You were a little preoccupied.” She chuckles. “Mind if I take a picture later to show him? I know Morgan’s been excited about a baby.”

“Uh, yeah...they should meet the newest family member.”

Pepper kisses the top of her, no doubt hearing the thickness of her voice. 

*

Five hours pass, the room is dark, Pepper is lounging on the reclining rocker and Ana is cradling her baby, just peering at her face.

“You better be sleeping,” Mumbles Pepper from the chair. Ana doesn’t look her way, just continues to gaze down at her daughter as she makes the tiniest sniffles and coos. 

“Can’t help it,” She whispers, gently fixing the blanket. “I just have to make sure she’s real. It’s normal to be scared if she stops breathing during the night, right?”

“Absolutely. Just remember to try and sleep when she does, Bug. You’re going to be exhausted these next few days. Then for the rest of your life, it comes with motherhood.”

Ana chuckles softly. “I’m so in love with her already.”

That’s putting it lightly. From the moment Alex was laid against her chest, the intense warmth Ana felt in her heart again was overwhelming. She’s barely holding it together as it is. She lowers her head, carefully placing her forehead against her daughter’s. Soft, little breaths blow against her chin, the rhythm of her baby’s heartbeat comforts her. Ana inhales deeply, the scent of her daughter, clean and something indescribable settles any nerves on the fray.

Closing her eyes, she takes in this moment, revels in the senses she had been numbing since the day Bucky died. She was scared she would never feel this strongly again; feel her soul stir with light, her heartbeat with every fierce ounce of protection, of love, of life. All from the tiny girl snuggled in her arms.

Her daughter. Bucky’s daughter. Their child.

Ana moves to press a delicate kiss to the beanie atop her head, smiling down at Alex. Her tiny eyelids flutter, staring up at Ana with groggy dark blue eyes. With a pang in her heart, she hopes her eyes remain blue.

Just then, Alex begins to fuss, wiggling beneath the blanket. Her soft snuffles and grunts on the verge of tears immediately breaks her heart; that’s going to take some getting used to.

“Pep,” Ana looks up at her cousin in slight panic. “What if-what if I can’t do this? How do I know if she’s hungry or too hot, or too cold or-“

Pepper quickly moves next to the bed, placing an encouraging hand over Ana’s. She carefully loosened the blanket around the baby. “You’ll know, you’ll pick up on it, I promise. She’s probably just getting hungry now.”

Soon after, Alex begins to cry. Ana unbuttons the top of her gown from her shoulder. Pepper makes to leave, but Ana requests her to stay, just in case. The two times she tried breastfeeding, it was a struggle that weighed heavily in Ana’s gut. With the advice from her cousin, and the help from the nurse that popped in, this feeding goes much smoother. 

Once Alex is full and content, and gets a new diaper change, she quickly falls back asleep. Ana places her back in the crib cart, then desperately asks the nurse to help her take a shower. Due to Dr. Hammond’s orders, she couldn’t fully shower or get off the bed for several hours, just to make sure Ana’s body had time to recuperate.

As she’s helped off the bed and takes one step away from her baby, she whips her head around, brows pinching together as she bites her lip. It’s the first time she hasn’t been touching her constantly; the sensation of an invisible band snapping halts her.

“Ana?” Pepper calls curiously. “What is it?”

She shakes her head, pressing her hand to her chest. “I just- it feels like I lost connection.”

Despite her vagueness, recognition crosses Pepper’s face. “Your energy?”

Ana nods, stepping back to rest her hand over her baby’s foot. Her body feels warm again, her heart settles, her stomach eases. That might be an issue later on, if she can hardly step away from Alex.

“Hey,” Pepper stands, cupping her hand over Ana’s cheek. “It’s okay, that’s normal even without powers like yours. I’ll watch over Alex, she’s safe. She will be right here when you get back.”

“Is it because I-“ Ana cuts herself off, sparing a glance at the nurse, Julia. She’s not sure how much she truly knows about Ana’s case. The reassuring smile she offers her says that Julia was informed. “Because I transferred my own energy to her?”

“Possibly, and you did carry her for eight months. We’ll figure it out, it’s not something you need to stress over now, alright? You’ll feel much better after a warm shower.”

Taking her cousin’s words to heart, Ana slowly uncurls her fingers around her daughter’s tiny foot. The same feeling comes back, although not as intense; maybe it will get better as time goes on.

*

Bitter cold weather brings in the next morning with frost covered windows and slick roads. Steve drives cautiously as he pulls in the hospital’s parking lot. After he checks in, gets issued a visitor’s pass, he meets with Dr. Hammond in her office. They chat about the discretion of Ana, and who exactly knows the wife and child of a super soldier occupy a room five floors up. 

Thankfully, that knowledge has been kept to Dr. Hammond and the three nurses on shift during Ana’s stay. Steve promised he would keep her and her baby safe, and if that means bringing the NDA’s Pepper brought along with her for the to sign, then so be it. If it means potentially hacking into the hospital’s external camera to erase when Ana arrived, no problem. Over precautious, yes, overprotective, not at all. It’s the least he can do to honor his promise to Bucky too.

Not many visitor’s give Steve the time of day, barely any curious glances as he makes his way to the maternity ward. He’s grateful, but has a nagging feeling that most people no longer give a shit about him or who’s left of the Avengers; they didn’t avenge anything.

He finally arrives on the fifth floor, stepping out of the elevator, making sure the gift bag in his hand doesn’t accidentally hit any rushing nurses. When he finds the correct room, the door is open, the sight before him stops him from entering. Instead, he leans his shoulder against the frame, a warm smile stretching across his lips.

Ana is propped up in the bed, a bundle of a blanket and a fuzz of dark hair cradled in her arms. She gazes down at the infant, her smile soft. She moves one hand to gently smooth out the hair on her daughter’s head, her touch delicate, loving.

A surge of emotions crash through his heart, warm and overjoyed, yet melancholy all the same. A dark thought crosses his mind; if Steve could trade places with Bucky in a heartbeat, he would. He abruptly feels guilty, like he’s stealing a moment only meant for Bucky. He shouldn’t be a witness to this tender love between mother and daughter.

Ana suddenly looks up, probably sensing his uncontrollable emotions. He tampers them back, locking them deep inside his heart.

“Steve, hi.” She exhales. She looks exhausted but welcoming.

“Hey there. How are you girls doing?” He questions, pushing himself from the doorway into the room. He puts the gift bag on the empty chair next to the bed.

“Good, she’s doing good. Had a little scare during the night when her oxygen dropped a little, but she’s been breathing on her own again.”

“That’s a relief then.” He steps closer, but the baby’s face is obscured by the blanket.

“Would you like to meet my daughter?” She inquires softly. 

He nods eagerly. Ana pushes the cloth back, tucking the blanket around her shoulders. Ana lifts her arms as he meets her halfway, sliding one arm under the baby, and cradling her head with his other hand. Once she’s safe and secure in his arms, Ana releases her; he doesn’t miss the way she immediately tenses up, her fists clutching the sheets.

“You sure you’re okay with me holding her?” Steve double checks, snuggling the baby closer to his chest.

“Yeah, I’ll explain later.” She reassures him. 

Ana pushes her hand through her hair, strands falling loose from the braid it’s in. She slumps down further in bed, shifting her legs to make space for him. Steve relents, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed. For as exhausted as she looks, her color has come back, her eyes are tired, but bright.

Steve pulls his gaze from Ana, his eyes falling on the sweet face of the little girl in his arms. She had just woken up, squirming just a bit as her eyes flutter open and close. Then, she looks at him. Steve understands it now, what Natasha was talking about. Dark blue irises peer up at him, every wave of emotion Steve attempted to hold off comes slamming through him all at once. It’s surreal, holding Bucky’s daughter, eyes too similar like her father’s staring back at him.

Wish you were here, pal, Steve yearns, biting his lip to keep it from shaking. He swallows the tight lump in his throat as the baby snuffles and wiggles. Steve quickly adjusts her, Ana’s hands coming up like she wants to help, but drops them when her daughter settles again. Her eyes begin to shut.

“She’s beautiful, Ana.” Steve chokes out.

“She’s perfect.” She responds softly.

He agrees, marveling at how small the baby looks in his arms. If only Bucky were here for this, to hold his own daughter in his equally large arms. Steve glances up, noting the look on Ana’s face; he has no doubt she wishes the same.

It’s then he spots the identification card taped to the crib. “So, Jamie, huh?” 

“Jamie Alexandra. I’m gonna call her Alex, stick with the same middle name like her-her father did.”

“Jamie Alexandra Barnes. I’m gonna call you nugget, or coffee bean, considering how much coffee your mama had. Huh? What do you think, Alex? Little coffee bean.”

“Two cups!” Ana snorts indignantly, waving her hand. “Not even 24 hours and my daughter will already have an identity crisis.” She snuggles down deeper in bed, wincing. Steve’s concern must show on his face. “I’m fine, still sore.”

“I’m happy you’re both doing well,” He says looking back down, gently rocking side to side. Alex has fallen asleep in his hold. 

A gentle hand rests on his bicep, fingers giving the muscle a light squeeze. When he glances up, the grateful smile on Ana’s lips soften her face. She blinks slowly, head tilting back against the pillows.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Steve.” She murmurs, about to succumb to sleep.

“Promised I would,” He responds. He moves his right arm from under his left, supporting the sleeping child with one arm, grabbing Ana’s hand to give her a comforting squeeze back. “But just you wait, Alex. Your uncle Steve is going to spoil you rotten.”

Sighing, Ana rolls her eyes before shutting them. She pinches his skin with no strength behind the action, then slips her hand away. “Mind if I nap a little? I just fed and changed her before you came in, should be good for a while.”

“Rest, I’ve got her.”

Ana hums, exhaling. “I know.”

Her words make him smile again, and reminds him that despite any tension or fights between them, Ana still inexplicably trusts him. Standing, he pulls the sheets higher, tucking them around her shoulders, then he settles in the rocking chair after moving the gift bag. Alex sniffles for a moment, still fast asleep. 

For this moment in time, as Steve details her face, everything feels like it’s going to be okay; a bright light in the darkness of the world. A nagging thought jabs at the back of his mind, a dread lingering in the shadows, waiting. But just for now as both Barnes girls’ slumber on, Steve ignores it. Instead he relishes in the present, content to watch over Bucky’s girls.

*

Ana wakes to fussing noises, quickly sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She immediately spots Steve with Alex propped up against his shoulder, gently patting her back as he sways side to side. When he spots Ana reaching out to him, he passes her baby over quickly. The fussing turns into loud cries, Ana hurrying to unbutton her top, maneuvering Alex around into a more comfortable position. She settles her baby against her breast, muttering encouraging words to her. Ana tips her head back, closing her eyes once more. The second she feels Alex latch on, her eyes fly open.

“Oh! Oh my god, yes, you did it, Alex. You latched!” Ana exclaims in a hushed tone. In her excitement for being able to feed her daughter properly without anyone’s help, she looks up, then laughs.

Steve has his back turned, shoulders hunched, his arms clearly crossed and his head ducked down. His weight shifts from foot to foot, shoes squeaking against the tile. 

“Steve, what are you doing?” She asks in between her snickers.

“Just-uh-giving you privacy,” He answers sheepishly. His ears look red from where Ana is sitting. “Glad she-uh that- food. That she’s, um, good for her!”

Her laughter disrupts Alex, causing her to release, and spill a little. “Whoops, sorry sweetie, there we go.” 

“You’ve already scarred Rogers, huh? That was fast,” Teases a new voice from the door.

“Natasha,” Ana calls happily, beckoning her to come in with her free hand.

“Listen, in my day this stuff was incredibly private,” Steve defends. 

Natasha glides up to him, patting his shoulder. “Why don’t you go and find some of your own lunch, bring me back some coffee.”

Steve’s shoulders sag, barely shooting a glance over to Ana before he utters a “I’’ll be back”, then hurries out of the room, closing the door behind him. Natasha cackles, shaking her head, then promptly fits herself next to Ana on the side free of wires.

“Didn’t mean to, my brain was in must feed baby mode,” Ana sighs, resting her head against her friend’s shoulder.

“That made my day. Where’s Pepper?”

Ana explains her cousin took a forced break by her request. Pepper said she needed to get something from the compound anyway. Natasha remain stoic to that info, instead she tells Ana to open the gift Steve brought after she finishes feeding Alex. Once she’s done, Ana hoists the baby on her shoulder, beginning to burp her.

With Nat’s assistance, they change her and swaddle her back up. Natasha cradles Alex in her arms as she hands over the gift. Taking out the tissue paper, she reaches into the bag pulling out an incredibly soft blanket; pink and white with little watercolor roses adorning it. It’s beautiful, and something Steve would definitely pick out himself, given the nature of the artful flowers. 

It’s not the only thing in there, as she pulls out books of bedtime stories, two onesies, a little stuffed owl, and a merchandise beanie with the Captain America shield on the front. Ana stifles her laugh behind her hand at the hat he clearly bought as a joke. The last item she pulls out, sobers her abruptly.

In her hands, rests the socks Bucky had bought in Wakanda, the little goats staring back at her. Her chest tightens, a lump forming in her throat as her eyes sting with tears. Ana traces over the embroidered goats, remembering Bucky tracing his hand over her cheek in that odd dream she had. She hasn’t told anyone about it yet, hell, she can’t be sure if it truly happened. She can’t just say Bucky made her go back, and that’s probably why her heart started beating again. 

It’s a crazy theory. 

“How…?” Ana trails off, her voice fading.

“He called Okoye, and spoke to Queen Ramonda,” Natasha informs. Alex cooing in her hold. “Pepper told him how upset you were when you couldn’t find them. The Queen found them in a drawer, along with some other items you left behind. She offered to send them over if you still want them.”

She’s speechless, rubbing the fabric between her fingers. An onslaught of loss shoots through her chest, the dark void she had nearly forgotten about for the past two days rears back with a vengeance. Ana suddenly needs to hold her daughter, the connecting energy she feels is fading and if she doesn’t have Alex in her arms soon, she fears her baby will disappear just like her father did.

“Nat,” Ana says in near panic, holding out her arms. “I-I need her.”

“Okay, okay, yeah. She’s right here,” Natasha carefully transfers Alex back to her, pulling her hands back the second Ana has a good hold. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No!” She begs, then repeats it quieter. “No, sorry. I don’t know what’s going on. It feels like I can’t let go of her for too long. My e-energy feels off whenever I do.”

Natasha waves an aloof hand. “Nothing to get stressed about right now. Focus on yourselves until you get home, and even then. Just take your time, bond with each other.”

The lazy hand she flicked in the air lands firmly on Ana’s shoulder. She can’t comprehend how Nat seems so calm at the moment, but her energy is seeping into Ana, it helps. She acknowledges her words with a dip of her head, then presses her forehead against her daughter’s.

*

Five days later:

After almost a week in the hospital, and one anxiety ridden night in the NICU to monitor Alex’s oxygen level when the numbers dropped too low for the doctor’s liking, they are finally released. They receive warm welcomes as Ana carries her small baby through the doors of the living compound. Ana introduces Jamie Alexandra Barnes to each of them.

“I’m calling her Alex,” She tells them, pulling back the blanket to expose her face more.

Rocket hops up on the dining table, resting his hands on Ana’s shoulder to balance as he lays eyes on Alex for the first time. He sniffs, his expression broadcasting a wave of different emotions that Ana can’t quite place.

“That’s the smallest Terran I’ve ever seen,” He states casually, “She’s...cute. Look at that head of hair though, what a little fuzz ball.”

Ana snorts. “Look who’s talking.” It earns her a mocking glare which she returns.

Nebula bends lower to get a closer look, her stoic expression softens a touch. She blinks, clears her throat and says, “She looks too soft, squishy,” she pauses for a moment. “Pretty, but soft.”

The smile on Rhodes’ face is brighter than Ana has seen for a while. He holds his hand out. “May I?”

“Oh, yes, yes. I’ve had to go to the bathroom since we left,” Ana chuckles, carefully handing her baby over. She hesitates, the same odd sensation shooting through her chest. She ignores it, makes sure Rhodey is holding her head properly, but she makes for the nearest bathroom.

She heads down the hall and hears Carol say, “Looks like there’s a new boss in town, huh? Gonna have everyone wrapped around your little fingers, aren’t ya, baby Barnes?”

When she comes back, Rhodey passes Alex back to her, Ana announces they’re going to get settled in, hopefully not overwhelming Alex too soon. Steve is close behind her, carrying the car seat and diaper bag. Nat and Pepper dropped them off so they could run to the store for things Ana might need.

She stops at the doorway, her mouth falling open in shock. “Wha- what is this?”

Steve is quick to explain. “I, uh, figured you might want or need more space. So, we decided to expand your room. It’s nothing great, since they had five days, but-“

“There’s a kitchenette.” Ana remarks, “They knocked that whole wall out?”

Her room has been renovated; the wall separating a smaller empty room next to hers was taken down. A kitchen in its place, setup with a fridge, a small table, a bottle warmer set up on the counters they put in. A stove top plate sitting next to it. A small sink, a microwave. There’s even a nursery section decorated for Alex. It’s mainly an open concept but installed is a sliding door connected to the ceiling, just in case.

The crib is set up opposite Ana's bed, some pictures of calming nature scenes on the wall, a new mobile of purple owls hanging over the crib. The changing station is next to the crib, diapers and wipes and washcloths all neatly stacked on its shelves. A comfortable looking rocking chair sits next to it. Pacifiers, bottles, stuffed animals, and onesies, and a small baby bath are all organized on a small dresser. A bassinet sits next to her bed.

“You didn’t have to do all this, Steve.” She chokes, overwhelmed. 

“Wasn’t all me,” He gestures towards an envelope taped to the side of the crib.

Holding her baby securely in one arm, Ana opens the envelope with her free hand. Something flutters to the floor as she pulls the card out.

Congratulations on the small new human, it reads. 

Ana snorts; the awkwardness somehow transferring via a handwritten note.

It’s the best I could do on short notice. I upgraded FRIDAY’s protocols to act like a baby monitor throughout the compound, for extra security purposes. 

-TS

It's a simple to the point card, but her nose still tingles with the threat of tears. Despite the current tense and strained nature of her and Tony’s relationship, he still cares. Or, as a nasty thought curls in her mind, at least cares for her daughter. 

Steve bends to pick up the object that fell to the floor, handing Ana the folded paper. She shakes her head vehemently, refusing to take it. She knows what it is; she’d rather not know the amount written on the obvious check.

“Ana,” Steve cajoles softly. “I think you should accept it.”

“I can’t. I don’t want to.” She refuses. “I-I don’t need his money.”

“He’s family. Him and Pepper.”

“I don’t need anyone else’s money.” Ana repeats firmly. “I have enough. I have plenty.”

Steve’s jaw clenches, his blue eyes tightening around the edges just slightly. It’s enough for Ana to pick up on his feeling of the situation. Remaining silent, he opens the check, one eyebrow arching up as he reads the amount. Then he sighs, refolds it and slips the check into his back pocket.

“Fine. I’ll give it back to Pepper.” He snipes with a forceful breath. “I’ll leave you both to get settled.”

Ana doesn’t reply, just turns and lowers Alex into the bassinet. 

“I know you both still have issues to work out, but it’s Tony. I know he’s been there for you during everything, good and bad. I think you both should just hash it out and fix it.” 

“Look who’s talking,” Ana mutters bitterly, briefly meeting her gaze.

Steve pauses at the door; the same expression hardens his face. “Touché.” He retorts, before shutting the door behind him.

Collapsing on her bed, Ana shoves her hands through her hair, releasing a frustrated growl. Just then, Alex begins to cry. She immediately regrets her actions, vaguely wondering if her own emotions will affect her baby, if maybe her daughter will be hypersensitive to her mother’s energy.

A few hours later, as Ana is changing out diapers, the door opens with a knock, Pepper slipping in to sit on her bed. A quick glance over at her, her arms crossed, her expression stern, has Ana rolling her eyes.

“Don’t,” She pleads, carefully dressing Alex in a new swaddle outfit.

“Why won’t you accept the check?” Pepper demands in a way that has Ana almost feeling guilty. Almost.  

“Because,” Ana stresses, picking up her infant to hoist her over her shoulder. “I have enough of my own money saved up. Money from wills, as you know, from work and-” She hesitates, gently kisses Alex when she makes less than happy noises. Patting her bottom, she gathers herself and continues. “Bucky had money, too. A lot actually.”

Intrigue colors Pepper’s face, though she chooses to not comment on the admission. “Just so you know, it wasn’t out of pity or guilt. It was from both of us, as a gift.”

“I’m sorry. I appreciate it, I do, but I can’t accept it. The renovation was enough. Your presence is enough.”

Her cousin shrugs in lieu of a response, shaking her head. 

“Now,” Ana says, grabbing the breast pump machine. “Will you help me with this thing?”

**

The first night home finds Ana staring at her slumbering daughter in the bassinet. She can’t pull her eyes off of Alex, how beautiful and perfect she looks, how peaceful she is as she sleeps. Ana reaches out, her touch tracing over soft smooth skin, small fingers with tiny fingernails. She’s got the cutest little nose, barely any fuzz for eyebrows, and the slightest indent in her chin that makes Ana’s heart ache.

Leaning down to kiss the soft fuzz of hair, she inhales the unique scent of her baby, the scent newborns carry but no one can ever explain. She readjusts the swaddle blanket, tucking it in correctly, chuckling at the tiny jumping sheep decorating the fabric. Abruptly, a memory resurfaces in her mind.

  Strong arms snake suddenly around Ana’s waists as she stirs soup on the stove. “What if the baby is scared of me?” Bucky mumbles glumly, his face tucked in her neck.

Ana frowns at the stove before she turns her head enough to kiss his forehead. “What would ever give you that idea, babe?”

Bucky splays his metal hand over her stomach. “This.”

His voice cracking causes Ana to turn around, abandoning the ladle in the pot. She grasps his face in her hands, picking up his head so he has no choice but to look into her eyes. His incredible blue eyes, darkened by anxiety, glistening with tears. His expression tugs at her heart.

“Oh, love,” Ana coos, wiping away a tear that’s fallen. “There is no way that is going to happen.”

“How can you be so sure? Even the kids in the village were scared,” He pouts.

“Bucky, they were only nervous because they hadn’t seen you with this beautiful arm before. They weren’t scared then and they aren’t scared now.”

The struggle to believe her is evident in his wet eyes. She can feel the gloom of his energy weighing in his bones; reminds her of the first few times of the Deprogramming Sessions. His bottom lip quivers briefly, his face screwing up with more emotion as a clear thought races through his mind. Ana can practically see it.

“What if I hurt your baby, Ana?” He cries softly, dropping his hands from her stomach. 

“Our baby. Yours and mine.” Ana corrects him vehemently. “You are not going to hurt our child, Bucky. I know you won’t. Want to know why?”

“I’ve hurt you before,” He argues, predicting what she was going to say.

“Those don’t count. You were triggered and you stopped. You always stopped yourself- but that’s not the point. Bucky, sweetheart, the triggers are gone. They aren’t in your head anymore. Your protectiveness is. Your gentleness is. Your desire to protect the ones you love has always been inside you. And that is why I know you won’t hurt our child. That is why our baby will not be scared of you, because you are its father. They’ll feel safe with you, always.”

Bucky is nodding, but the shadows in his eyes are still there. Ana carefully transfers her own energy into his anxious dark one, hoping to convey the sincerity of her words.

“Hey, James, come back to me,” She coaxes softly, brushing her fingers through his long hair. 

His eyes flutter, but after several long moments, they begin to clear of any haunting doubts. She takes Bucky’s left hand, kissing his palm before, placing his hand back over her stomach. 

“I know you already love this tiny bean,” She continues, “And I know how much you’ll love and protect our son or daughter when they’re born. I have zero doubts about it. Do you believe me?”

Bucky sniffs, turning to kiss her scarred wrist. “Now I do. I just got scared.”

“I’m scared too, just not of you.”

He suddenly pulls her into his chest, hugging her firmly. He presses his lips to her temple, holding onto her for a long time. After her feet begin to ache a bit, Bucky finally releases her. 

“Ya know, those sheep were never scared of me either,” Bucky muses, a crooked smile tugging his lips.

Ana laughs, tugging his hair. “They know a good man when they see one.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. Now, just relax on the couch and I’ll bring you some soup. Then after,” Ana pulls him closer, trailing her lips from the corner of his mouth to his ear. “I’ll really make you feel better.”

Bucky shivers, grabbing the back of her neck to maneuver her head, pressing a deep kiss to her lips. “You always do,” He says huskily. He kisses her again, slow and tender, grateful and loving. 

*

Ana sniffs, wiping the tears of memories from her face. She desperately wishes Bucky were here right now, gazing down at his daughter with pride and happiness. She wishes she could see him hold Alex in his protective and loving arms. Wishes she could witness how incredibly gentle, how delicate he would be with her. How he would insist Ana get as much rest as she can. She can almost hear his voice praise her, whispering words of affection to her, holding them both in his grasp. 

“Take care of her, Annie.”

Ana rubs her eyes, shaking the echo of his voice away. She hadn’t mentioned what happened to anyone. She vividly recalls the odd dream, if that’s what she can label is as; it just felt so real. Bucky’s touch, his words, the smile on his face. How he said her. Her, as if he already met his daughter before anyone else. It’s a ridiculous notion, it’s probably delusion from her grief ridden brain, but he knew. 

“Take care of her…” 

Gathering herself, Ana wipes her face with her shirt, takes a deep breath, then nods. “I will.” She promises into the night. “For both of us.”

The rest of the night is filled with waking every few hours to gentle cries of hunger, or coos and grunts of a newborn refusing to fall asleep for several minutes. Ana barely gets sleep that night, but when she does drift off, she feels a delicate caress against her cheek. When she wakes, no one is there, just her daughter sleeping soundlessly. 

The first week is filled with the same cycle. Ana doesn’t mind the late-night feeds or the help of Pepper popping in. She doesn’t mind standing up to burp her baby, pace around the room humming or rocking her back to sleep. What proves to be difficult isn’t when Alex refuses to latch, or cries when she gets too cold during a clothing change. No, it’s the odd energy connecting mother and daughter. It’s the same snapping sensation every time Ana isn’t touching her baby.

Natasha and Nebula bear witness to this one night during the second week, when Ana hands Alex over to Nebula in the rocking chair. The second her hands aren’t touching her, is the second the brokenness slams into her. She gaps, forces herself to take a step back and shakes her hands. 

Nat rushes to her, questioning if she’s hurt, if anything is wrong. Ana performs the same exercise she used to do with Bucky so long ago, counting and taking deep breaths, feeling what’s around her. 

Logically, she knows Alex is safe, cooing in Nebula’s arms five feet from her. The poor woman seems lost, on edge as she stands, intent on handing back her baby. Ana holds her hand up to stop her. She finally explains the loss of connection she has been feeling every time Ana isn’t touching her child. 

“It’s possible it could be from when you gave birth,” Natasha muses a little while later. 

She had made tea, decaf to Ana’s displeasure, to help calm her. Nebula kept Alex in her hold, though she compromised by sitting close to Ana so she could at least hold her daughter’s foot.

“I think it’s from the duration of your pregnancy, if I’m being honest,” Nat continues. “I spoke with Danvers about it, and she agreed. That protective shield, how you were transferring your energy, what happened when Alex was born.”

“Maybe,” Ana relents, studying Alex’s face. Her eyes seem more alert, and when Ana speaks, her eyes move towards her voice her tiny lips twitching. The notion makes her smile at her daughter, wiggling her foot lightly. “At least that warmth is still there though.”

“Warmth?” Nebula questions lowly. She refuses to speak just above a whisper whenever she holds Alex. It’s quite endearing.

“When I first held Alex, it felt like warmth came back to my soul.” There’s a pause. “Wow, that was corny.”

Ana has known Natasha for years now, she’s one of her closest friends besides Steve. She has worked with her, bypassed any walls the spy first put up when they met and did healing sessions. The way she laughs now is forced, her eyes tight, smile strained; it’s fake. She’s hiding a speculation.

“What?” Ana asks flatly. She shrugs, nonchalant. Ana narrows her eyes. “You know something.”

Natasha is saved from answering by Alex beginning to fuss. She wiggles in Nebula’s arm, her little face screwing up just as she starts to cry. Panic crosses the woman’s face, quickly but carefully holding out the baby to Ana.

“Did I hurt her?” She asks regretfully.

“No, no.” Ana reassures, taking Alex from her. “It’s about time for her to eat, she’s just hungry.”

Nebula falls back on the bed, fists clenched over her eyes. “Tiny humans are stressful.”

That gets genuine laughs out of the other two women.

Later, Ana corners Natasha, asking what she was thinking about earlier. She shrugs, handing Ana a sandwich.

“You connected your souls with Bucky, right? Well, Alex is also his daughter...think about it.”

Ana mulls over her words into the night while she feeds Alex. As Ana dozes off, she hears it. His voice. She hasn’t heard it since Alex was born, could have sworn she just made it up.

Annie

Ana startles awake, accidentally disrupting her baby, who snuffles in protest. Once she starts breastfeeding Alex on her other side, Ana has an epiphany. 

Bucky’s voice, those dreams, that dream she had when she was giving birth, the one she nearly forgot about until now. The one where Bucky touched her, when she touched him. Each time she heard his voice, each time she awoke from the world, her soul ached, like it was losing him all over again. But when Alex was laid against her chest, when their daughter laid against her heart, crying as a welcome to the world, her soul felt alive for the first time since Bucky crumbled through her fingers.

If Ana’s soul has been subconsciously searching for Bucky’s, if her dreams are a testament to that...does that mean her soul has been trying to tell her something? Or is it just wishful yearning in that suspended place beyond that door?

What does it mean? 

Alex suddenly releases, clearly filled to her little tummy’s content, pulling Ana back to reality. As she burps her daughter, too exhausted to do more than focus on that task, her thoughts fade away into the back of her mind.

*

The first few weeks of having a newborn pass by in a blur. Pepper goes back home, and even though Ana has help from the others, the missing presence of Bucky grows stronger each day. Ana tries hard to keep her emotions at bay, at least when Alex cries and needs attending too. 

However, the disconnecting energy when Ana isn’t touching her daughter begins to fade to a bearable state. Her body continues to recover from birth, feeling sore and tender in places she didn’t think she would feel sore and tender, and some baby weight still lingering. Sleep is quickly becoming a thing of the past, though it might be Ana’s fault as she can’t help but watch over her child as she slumbers on Sometimes she doesn’t have the heart to put her baby down for too long, until she absolutely has too.

Every few nights, Ana has the same dream, over and over. Always greeting the child by the door, always barely grasping onto Bucky. The ache in her chest throbs painfully no more how much time has passed. Although the little milestones Alex reaches, the little moments of bonding, outweigh that pain.

Tummy time has Alex protesting with cute grunts and sniffles, but she lifts her head for a few seconds after the third time, Ana having the notion to record it on a kimoyo bead as Rhodey records the moment on her phone. The first time Alex truly focuses on her mother’s face as she calms down from being fussy, warms Ana’s heart. As does anytime when she falls asleep on her chest, fist curled in her hair.

When Alex is only three weeks old, Ana wanders into the study, searching for Natasha. She finds her, speaking to someone on a projected screen, but the notes scattered along the desk catch her eye. Clint Barton’s name jumps out at her, red lines connecting his name to different locations, locations connecting to different homicides.

Ana shoots Natasha a surprised look, but she just shakes her head and nods to the screen. Her hair has grown more, red roots beginning to fade into blonde in an odd color scheme. She quickly covers up the files, sliding over to make room for Ana.

“Okoye!” Ana gasps happily at the sight of the general. Okoye smiles back, then steps aside to reveal the people behind her. “M’Baku, Queen Ramonda. Oh my- hi! I-I’ve missed you all.”

Okoye levels her with one of her infamous looks. “It is called a telephone. We would not have heard of the birth of your daughter, had it not been for Natasha.”

Ana grimaces. “I’m sorry! It’s been…tough.”

“We are all happy to see you, dear,” Queen Mother says, her smile gentle, but her eyes look glossy.

“Enough greetings, where’s the little babe?” M’Baku cuts in. “We shall have a talk about how you have neglected to inform your favorite Tribe Leader.”

As a peace offering, Ana steps closer to the holograms, tilting her arm so they all have a good look at her daughter. M’Baku’s mockingly stern face immediately melts, a big smile stretching across his face.

“This is Jamie Alexandra, I call her Alex. She was born at five pounds and four ounces, but she has since gained about 14 ounces. This little bean loves to eat.”

“All is forgiven,” M’Baku chokes out.

 “Yintsikelelo ezinjani ezo!” Queen Ramonda exclaims. “What a blessing! Such a beautiful child.”

“She looks to be a strong warrior someday. Like her parents.” Okoye inputs with a meaningful gaze.

Tears fill Ana’s eyes as she chuckles, Alex coos and wiggles. “Thank you all. I promise I’ll call more.”

“Oh, I know that look, M’Baku,” Natasha laughs from behind her. “It’s alright, we’re all wrapped around those little fingers of hers already.”

They spend a good hour talking, most of their conversation topic about the baby, and Queen Ramonda’s advice. Ana can’t help but notice the painful longing stares the Queen gives Alex, the pain of losing her children evident even through a screen. Ana hugs her daughter a little longer that night.

*

Watching Ana bond with her daughter brings more relief than Steve would have thought. He’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t expecting her to have postpartum depression. Before she left Pepper had expressed her concerns of the very real possibly, and Steve confessed his own. He mentioned this to the others, resulting in them all watching Ana with sharp eyes, being attentive to anything that might coincide with it. 

So far, Steve hasn’t picked up on anything, other than Ana seeming to hover closely when someone else holds Alex, or her just holding the baby for much too long. It’s a complete turnaround from how she was right after Wakanda.

Steve thought the passing of Bucky’s birthday would be bad, but Alex had been especially snuggly that day and had just discovered her hands and Rocket’s tail, drooling with her fingers in her mouth as she grasped at his fur with the other. Steve is also confident that the only person able to get away with petting his fur is indeed that precious baby girl.

A setback happens one night in towards the end of March, just after Alex turns two months old.

Loud, wailing cries fill the night air, and after a solid amount of time passes, Steve can no longer ignore it. He hurriedly gets out of bed, duvet tangled around his foot as he hops free. He nearly runs into Natasha in the hallway, she dances around his frame to avoid potential pain. They share a look, then she waves her hand.

“Call me if you need more help,” She offers, before heading back to her room.

Steve knocks as he opens the door, entering. Ana is sitting on the bed with her head between her knees as Alex continues to wail, her cries echoing throughout the room. He hurries to Alex crying in the baby swing, unbuckling the safety strap. He picks her up and immediately begins to bounce and sway the upset baby, making hushing sounds and patting her back in an attempt to soothe her.

“Ana-?”

“I can’t do this,” She mutters, her voice nearly drowned out by the cries. 

She picks her head up, tear tracks staining her cheeks. Her eyes are desperate, red and pleading, dark bags making them look sunken. Her lips are cracked, her chestnut hair disheveled, and her usual olive skin is a few shades too pale. She looks to be on another verge of a breakdown.

“I don’t know what to do,” Ana laments miserably. “I can’t calm her she hasn’t stopped crying! I’m going to rip my hair out, and I’ve been bleeding constantly for two months straight and my boobs are way too big and my nipples are sore as fuck and I’m exhausted and I want to put her outside. I won’t, but I want to some nights and is that really so bad? I’m not gonna, but fuck, maybe the crickets with calm her. She won’t stop crying and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”

By the time she’s done ranting tears are falling down her own cheeks. Steve frowns, shifting the child over his shoulder instead, patting her bottom. Her little body is starting to get overheated, so he carefully takes off her sleeping sack leaving the baby just in her diaper. 

“Is she sick?”

“No. I don’t know! She gets warm when she cries, and oh fuck, what if is she sick? Wait, no, I took her temperature, I don’t know!” Ana begins to get up, pacing around the room, grabbing several items. “I’ve tried feeding her, she’s not hungry. I tried the pluggie, she doesn’t want it! I tried changing her, but that didn’t do anything. Rocking, patting her, swaddling, nothing! I’m a bad mother! Can’t get her baby to stop crying!”

“You are not a bad mother!” Steve argues firmly. He spots the mobile over the crib and turns it on. Alex’s cries slow for a moment, then start right back up. 

“See! Nothing!”

“Does she have gas- what’s that word- colic?”

“Maybe! I don’t know.” Ana walks up to them, trying to place a pacifier in the baby’s mouth. Alex refuses it. Next, she tries a bee toy with crunchy wings, it doesn’t work. She cups her baby’s head, smoothing her palm over her hair. “She’s getting warm.”

The crack in her voice, the tears in her eyes, the loud cries of her daughter, begins to break Steve’s heart. Ana’s lip trembles as she tries soothing her daughter with coos and calls of her name. 

“I’ll call the doctor.” He hands her tiny trembling body to her mother, Ana taking her child against her chest, walking around the room with her.

Just as Steve begins searching for her phone, Ana suddenly pauses. She rushes over to her bedside table, yanking open the drawer. She snatches something up, fiddles with it then throws it on the bed. A projected image of Bucky halts Steve in his tracks, his friend’s voice singing a lullaby fills the room. 

The sight of Bucky’s face, angled as if he’s looking up at Ana in the video, throws him off guard for too long. When Steve snaps out of his mind, he realizes the cries have gotten softer. Ana continues to rock Alex side to side, having shifted her slightly so she can see the video. Her head rests against her mother’s chest as she firmly pats her bottom. Her cries turn into sniffled hitched breaths, until they stop altogether. She stares towards the video, her hand curled into a fist in her mother’s hair.

Steve senses when Ana finally calms down too, her shoulders sagging, her head dipping down to kiss her daughter’s head. She stares at the video as well, a slow grin spreading along her mouth. Holding Alex secure to her chest, she carefully stretches her right hand out, her fingers brushing over her husband’s face, the image turning fuzzy from her touch.

As Bucky’s recorded singing continues, comprehension clicks in Steve’s brain. He’s heard this lullaby many times before; it’s what Ana would play at night, play while she was pregnant. He recalls reading a section of one of her Mother-to-Be books, encouraging mothers, parents, to talk to the baby while still in the womb. Infants recognize their parent’s voices. 

Stepping closer, just to the side of the hologram, his throat tightens while he watches his fallen friend sing. Bucky has the same look in his eyes in the video as he did whenever Steve caught him looking at Ana. Pure adoration shines in his eyes, lights up that smile he only ever displayed when she was around.

“He always insisted on singing or talking to the baby,” Ana informs, dropping her hand to rub along Alex’s back. Her voice is strained with exhaustion. 

“You never stopped playing it,” Steve remarks, peering down at the infant.

Her cute little face is free of any pouts as her gray-blue eyes blink owlishly at the image. Alex is only two months old, but she definitely recognizes the voice singing to her. Steve spots another pacifier on the night table, grabbing it and gently offering it to the baby. This time, Alex doesn’t fuss, easily accepting the plug.

“Always calmed her when she was kicking a lot.” Ana exhales in relief, slightly bending to pick the bead up as she tentatively sits on the bed with Alex, moving the image with them. “Do you mind heating that bottle up in case she doesn’t want to feed from me?”

Snapping out of his daze as he continues to stare at Bucky, he does as he’s told. Once he hands her the heated bottle and helps her adjust her pillows, he moves the bassinet closer to the side of the bed. 

“I’ll leave you two alone for now,” Steve says, already backing out of the room as Ana maneuvers Alex into a cradle position.

She gives him a flat look, as if she wants to comment on something. Then she shrugs. “Okay. Thank you for trying to help.”

“Anytime. Have FRIDAY alert one of us if you need anything else. Goodnight, Ana. Little Nugget.”

Ana chuckles as she rolls her eyes. The video restarts as Steve closes the door behind him. He rests against the door, listening for a few moments longer, just to make sure both Barnes girls are truly settled. Watching that video, hearing Bucky’s voice after 9 months opens the hole in his chest he had been trying to ignore. At least Ana has found another way to soothe their daughter, has found a way to keep Bucky in their lives. With a heavy sigh, Steve pushes off the door, trudging back to his room.

Once he’s back in his bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, he realizes no matter what he tried to do, no matter how much he tries to help, it’s obviously never going to be on the same level as Bucky would. Not that he would ever try to measure up in the first place, but the glaring absence of his friend as his wife and daughter fall asleep every night without him, is enough to break Steve’s heart all over again. The dark sadness he had attempted to hold off, slowly begins to crush him. He turns onto his side, closing his eyes, his pillow staining with tears.

**

The months begin to fly by as Ana tries to settle into a rhythm with her baby. There are nights like that first bad one, where Alex spits up or becomes inconsolable until Ana plays Bucky’s lullaby video. Nights where she desperately misses her parents, her brother, her husband, misses her friends, wishing they could all meet Alex. However, the heart wrenching moments come with Alex’s first cries after her vaccinations, or when someone accidentally startles her.

Sweet moments make up for it when Alex snuggles and sleeps on Ana’s chest. Or when she just looks too cute during tummy time as she continues to lift her head and wiggle her limbs like she’s routing an escape from exercise. Or when the little girl truly smiles for the first time.

It’s that full faced smile Alex shines up at Ana that makes her truly forget every bad thing that has happened during that moment. Ana had been grinning at her daughter, cooing and whispering little hi’s and “the prettiest girl, the cutest bean” and her name. The little smile breaks across her sweet face, a joyous laugh escapes Ana’s mouth in her excitement. No one else is around, so the moment goes unnoticed, but fills her heart more than anything has in months.

Alex’s eyes turn bluer with each passing day.

Ana continues to struggle with several things; the sleepless nights that remind her Bucky isn’t there, her body still healing, and the connection between her and Alex breaking each time she isn’t holding her punches through her chest. The odd energy makes it difficult for Ana to allow someone else to hold Alex, each time she has to force herself to step away, take a break for herself. It’s the strongest whenever Steve is holding her daughter, for reasons she doesn’t quite comprehend. In those cases, she takes her daughter back from whoever is holding her.

Slowly, Ana begins to limit the time anyone holds her baby. She can barely let go of Alex herself for longer than ten minutes, enough for her to shower if she can, to eat when she can. She refuses some walks with Natasha and Nebula when they offer, opting to just stay inside and watch Alex sleeping. Natasha just shrugs, Nebula’s eyes narrow like she’s trying to figure something out. They leave it alone for the time being.

It’s a stormy day when the most beautiful noise cuts through the rolling thunder. Ana is lounging on the couch in the common room, cup of tea in her hands as she watches Alex playing in the little musical gym on the carpet. Rocket isn’t sitting too far, tinkering with a piece from the ship Nebula had arrived in 10 months ago. Carol sits next to her, Ana tilting her head to rest on her shoulder, her fingers brushing through her air.

Her blinks are languid, taking careful sips of her tea, when Rocket’s tail twitches close enough Alex, brushing her hand. It pulls the nearly four month old’s attention towards him, her eyes focus on the movement. His tail brushes her skin over, and over, Alex reaches her little hand out, fingers just missing grabbing his fur. She lets out happy noises, coos and babbles. The next time Rocket’s tail swipes across her fingers, Alex makes a soft one syllable laugh.

Ana smiles before her brain catches up with the sound. She quickly sits up, Rocket’s tail twitches once more, and Alex laughs with more volume, her sweet giddy face is enough to brighten the dark sky.

“She just laughed.” Ana breathes, slipping onto the floor. Carol takes her mug away before it spills. “Oh my god, Rocket! She’s laughing at your tail!”

He turns around, his tail flicking up in the air briefly. The movement causes her to laugh more, kicking her arms and legs out in excitement. A slew of emotions overcome Ana, happy to just sit and watch her daughter laugh for the first time, her eyes prickling with joy. Rocket abandons his tasks, entertaining the baby the best he can for the next hour.

Since then, the little girl’s joyful, unabashed laughter continues to fill any room she’s in. Ana makes her laugh by pretending to munch on her belly and crunching the wings of her favorite toy. Steve lifts Alex up and down as he does squats, clearly enjoying the sensation of the lifts. 

Nebula decides to blow raspberries, which also has Ana cackling along with her daughter. Rhodey attempts silly faces, and Carol makes a musical rhythm with one of the squeaking toys. Natasha lightly dances around the room with Alex to one of the musical soundtracks Alex is fond of.

It’s when Alex is five months old, does Ana stop and gaze into her eyes. They’ve become more vivid, a gorgeous powder blue that looks exactly like Bucky’s except for the flecks of golden brown. When she first notices her daughter’s eyes, she leans close, counting two dots in her right eye and three in her left. Alex reaches for her mother, grabbing onto her face, smiling and babbling.

“You’re just the perfect mix of your daddy and I, huh, my little jellybean?” Ana smiles back at her. 

Alex’s face brightens, and Ana’s heart melts all over again. “I love you, Alex, yes I do.” With a light kiss to her nose, she says, “Daddy loves you too.”

Then Alex lifts her foot, grabs it and promptly sticks it in her mouth, drooling happily. Ana laughs, grabbing a bead to record the adorable moment.

  **

Jamie Alexandra Barnes is five and a half months old when Natasha can no longer ignore it. Her keen eyes have been watching Ana closely, contemplating every single detail that seemed off, every little action that didn’t sit right in her gut. She’s a spy, a damn good one at that; Natasha always goes with her gut.

She noticed it the first day she went to visit the Barnes girls, when Ana took one step away from her daughter and nearly crumpled with separation. She witnessed it again when Rhodey held Alex for the first time, and she kept hovering over anyone who ever picked her up. Those little actions Ana does, how she reacts, how she barely steps away from Alex for more than two minutes at a time, it all gathers together to figuratively dropkick Natasha in the face.

She had begun to refuse help from anyone after the second month, especially that night Nat ran into Steve in the hallway. She doesn’t know what happened, but she trusted Steve to help them out. Though come to think of it, the strain that was weighing on his and Ana’s friendship has slowly been coming back.

The kick comes when Ana quickly jumps up from the couch the second Alex begins to fuss, carefully scooping her out of Steve’s arms and hurried down the hall. It slows down for her, sensing Steve’s expression break his facade, eyes hurt, mouth tugged in a frown. It hammers her theory into stone when Nebula pipes up from the table.

“I don’t know about you Terrans and your lack of perceptiveness, but I do think something is off with Barnes. The attachment of the child to her being is more than that tree was to the fur ball over there.”

“I resent th- no, wait. Hell, you ain’t wrong.” Rocket agrees, shooting Natasha a sharp look.

This isn’t just separation anxiety. On the baby’s part, yes, because Ana barely allows anyone to hold her baby for too long, she’s gotten so attached to her mother. In Ana’s case, it’s extremely unhealthy. Natasha sees it so damn clearly now.

Ana has been too hyper focused on her daughter, that the woman is hardly taking care of herself. Any attempt to convince her to go to a support group or a mother’s class falls short. There are dark bags permanently under her eyes from exhaustion, from stress, from doing as much as she can on her own. Her hair and skin look dull, and she presses her hand to her chest more often than not.

Alex is a good baby, once she fell into a regular sleep routine, but Ana doesn’t sleep often when her baby does. She still watches over her, makes sure nothing bad will happen. Natasha has been letting all the evidence slip by and now she knows why.

“Steve,” She beckons to him, tilting her head to follow her. Walking out of the living room, Natasha enters what used to be Tony’s study, a room she knows is soundproof.

“You heard Nebula, Ana’s been off for months now.”

He plops his large body into the chair in front of the desk, blowing out a breath and rubbing his hand down his face. Steve pinches the bridge of his nose but remains silent. Natasha allows him the time to gather his own thoughts, to arrive at his own conclusion.

“I don’t know, Nat,” He exhales warily.

She throws up her hands. “You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed it. She doesn’t let you hold that kid anymore. She refuses any help, getting her to walk outside with me is like pulling teeth. She’s clearly stretching herself too thin here, too focused on Alex. I don’t think it’s healthy for them.”

“Just…we should leave it alone for now.”

“You’ve got to be fucking with me, Rogers.” She scoffs. She leans over him, placing her hands on each arm rest to cage him in, to make him look her in the eyes. “Captain .”

Steve reluctantly lifts his head, meeting her gaze. His blue eyes narrow, his jaw ticks. “You don’t call me that anymore. I haven’t been Captain American for almost a year.”

Natasha levels him with a glare. “You will always be Captain America because that’s who you are.”

“That title isn’t a person, it’s a circus monkey, always was.”

“You’re about two second away from me putting you in a headlock with my thighs.” She threatens. He blinks. “You don’t want that title anymore, fine,” she jabs her finger into his chest. “But you are Steve Rogers, you were chosen and became Captain America because inside you are a good man and you know it. We all failed, and it fucking sucks. We can’t just give up though. We can’t just let any of us fall through the cracks, and we especially can’t let Ana fall through those same cracks again because she might not survive another outburst!”

Finally, Steve sits up causing her to lean back against the desk. “You’re right.”

“I usually am,” She smirks.

“I have noticed it. It’s not the first time she’s done this to me, the only difference now is Alex. But you and I both know why we haven’t brought it up. We ignored it because we thought she would have some form of postpartum depression, and what she’s doing is nothing but being attentive to her baby. Right? Am I correct in assuming we both brushed it aside because at least she’s feeling emotions again? At least she connected with her child.”

“I won’t deny that. Whether that’s a form of it or not, being this attached to Alex isn’t good for either of them. That little girl is already crying when she can’t see her mom and Ana looks like she’s going to have a panic attack every time she puts her down.”

Steve massages his temples. “Look, it could be chalked up to that energy connection they have, she had the same with Buck- oh fucking hell.”

“Care to share your thoughts?” She asks miffed.

“This- I think this is the opposite of shutting off her emotions. I think Ana is compensating what she lost to what she gained. She was always overprotective when it came to Bucky. You saw how she pushed herself too far for his sake, it’s the same thing she’s doing now with Alex. I think she’s scared.”

“I would attest to that.” 

“I miss them, Nat,” Steve suddenly confesses. “Sam, Wanda, Vision, T’Challa, Shuri. Bucky. Everyone we lost, I fucking miss them. I can’t hide it anymore. I’m...tired.”

Moving around the desk, Natasha opens a drawer pulling out a bottle of vodka and a glass. She weighs each with her hands, silently asking which one he’d rather have. Steve motions for the bottle, not before she pours herself a hefty amount in the glass.

“Here’s to our fallen friends, and all the shitty pain that comes with it.”

They don’t emerge from the office for a long time, and no one has to know how much they truly drank.

*

One Year. 

It’s been one year since the battle of Wakanda. One year since Ana fought in the woods, and foolishly tried fighting Thanos. One Year since Ana watched her husband crumble into ashes right in front of her eyes. One year since Ana last felt Bucky.

It’s a bad day, for everyone; the energy in the air is heavy with despair. If it weren’t for six month old Alex trying to scoot herself around everywhere, on the floor, on the bed, and trying to balance herself on all fours, Ana would break down. She can’t, instead focuses all her attention and energy on her daughter for the day. Playing with her, reading, feeding her, giving her bath and napping. She mainly stayed in her room, as did everyone else, but when she did venture out into the kitchen to grab Alex’s table seat, Steve was there.

He had clearly been drinking, several empty beer bottles pushed to the side. He’s not drunk by any means, his eyes are too clear for that, but the haunting shadows are still evident. Ana doesn’t say anything, but as she passes by him, she relents, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Steve stiffens, and the tsunami of emotions she felt from the simple touch abruptly ceases; like Steve is deliberately trying to keep it at bay. Away from her.

He does however, take her hand in his, squeezing for just a moment. He stands then, wraps his arm around her shoulders, ducking his head down so his lips are by her ear.

“’M sorry,” He mumbles miserly. Then he releases her, cups Alex’s head for a moment, then walks toward the study.

Ana lingers, watching him go, until Alex squirms uncomfortably, clearly wanting to try to get around all by herself. Ana sniffs, kisses her daughter and goes back to her room.

Ana cries herself to sleep that night.

 *

Over the past month, Ana has not been having that other worldly dream. She hasn’t met Bucky in her dreams for days, and it leaves her anxious, jittery every time she wakes up. Leaves her holding on tight to Alex, just to feel a semblance of warmth in her soul. She tries not to dwell on it or any possible meaning; it does make her ache just to see him again. It also reminds her that the loss of her friends and family is still present, no matter how hard she tries to ignore it. 

The previous night brought just three hours of sleep, Alex deciding to just snuggle more than fall asleep. It’s been a long night, a long morning, playing with Alex in the living room to keep her happy. A few hours go by and Ana desperately has to go to the bathroom, but she doesn’t want to leave Alex alone, thankfully she doesn’t have to as Steve walks in.

“Steve! Do you mind watching her while I run to the bathroom?” Ana requests, placing Alex down on the floor with her favorite musical toy. She peers up at her mother, wide blue eyes curious, her little lip puffing out.

“Of course,” Steve agrees, eagerly dropping the bags he was carrying on the counter and rushing over.

“Thanks!”

She takes no more than five minutes, stopping to warm up a bottle for Alex as the time ticks closer to her feeding. Once it’s ready, she grabs a few jars of different baby food and finally makes her way back to the living room.

She’s met with soft, off tune singing, but it’s the lyrics that grip her heart, make her see red for just a moment. Steve has a sniffling Alex in his arms, bouncing her and singing Bucky’s lullaby. She abruptly disconnects, her dreams flashing through her mind, makes her see Bucky in Steve’s place instead, if he were here to comfort their daughter. If he was alive to sing those words to her himself. She blinks, and the imagery is gone.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Ana demands, her voice shaking. The lights and electronics begin to rattle and flicker.

Steve’s head snaps up, he looks confused and worried about the surging of energy. He protectively curls his shoulder away, like he’s trying to shield her daughter from her mother. As if Ana would ever harm her. This makes the red more vivid, makes her grip the items in her hands.

“She started crying when you left,” Steve explains quickly, realizing his mistake and straightening up again. “I know this song calms her, so I figured I’d try. She stopped crying.”

“You aren’t her father.” She makes her way to them, dropping the items on the floor to take Alex away from Steve.

Something flashes in his eyes. “Ana, I wasn’t-“

“You are not her father!” Ana repeats with vigor. “You shouldn’t be singing that to her.”

“I-I know that. I’m not trying to replace Bucky, I swear. I would never do that!”

Ana pauses, the hurt in his tone knocking into her brain. Slowly, she lowers herself on the couch, placing Alex back on the play mat, who immediately tries getting on all fours. She inhales a calming breath, running shaky hands through her hair.

“I know. I know you’re not,” She deflates. “I’m sorry I snapped. I just…that song is special.”

Steve sits next to her, watching the little girl lean over while she starts playing with his socked foot. Ana’s heart softens a touch as he wiggles his toes, making Alex giggle around the pluggie in her mouth. 

“I think it’s time to talk to you about something,” Steve tells her grimly.

“Why do I get the sense that I did something wrong?” She questions, narrowing her gaze. At least her energy has settled.

“I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong. I’m not here to tell a mother what to do, it’s just…we’ve noticed something.”

“Go on.”

“We’re just a little concerned about how…attached you are to Alex. I think it’s borderline unhealthy.”

Ana blinks. “What.”

Steve winces at her sharp tone, but he continues. “We didn’t really pay attention to what was going on, being a first time mother with a newborn. I thought you hovering constantly was normal. But I think I was fooling myself after the first three months. Honestly, I think I was just relieved you were connecting with her instead of, um…having severe postpartum and neglecting her.”

Frowning, Ana carefully mulls his words over. “So, what are you trying to get at here? This attachment is unhealthy, but you’re happy because I haven’t stuck my baby outside for the night? Postpartum is something very real, by the way.”

“Which is why we were keeping a close eye on you, and I’m glad you allowed me to help you that one night. I’m glad we could. When you let us.”

“When I let you?”

Steve sighs, rubbing the back of his neck to gather his next words. “Ana, you don’t allow anyone to help you, especially me. You won’t let me hold my best friend’s daughter anymore. But, that’s not the point here. You can hardly step away from her without a panicked look on your face. Alex cries every time she can’t see you or when someone else does get the chance to hold her. This is severe separation anxiety.

“I understand why you’re overprotective, but it’s affecting you. You haven’t been taking care of yourself either. You hardly sleep even when she does, you barely eat. You’re too hyper focused on her, Ana.”

“Why is that so bad?” She argues, crossing her arms. “I-I’m a widowed mother. I’m just trying to take care of my daughter the best I can.”

“You’re doing a wonderful job, don’t get me wrong,” He reassures. “But I think you’ve been hiding behind her. I think you’ve been trying to make up for the fact that Bucky is gone. Nat and I think you’ve been using her a bit as a shield from your own pain.”

“I’m not using my daughter as a shield, Rogers.” Ana protests, anger flashing through her. She looks down at her baby, Alex turning her to peer up at her, then she goes back to staring intently at Steve’s sock. “I love her.”

“Of course, you love her. All I’m saying, in my own opinion and shit, maybe I’m wrong, but I think you’re hyper focused on Alex because you miss Bucky. You hardly had time from when you turned your emotions back on to when Alex was born. You’re holding so tight to her because of what you lost, and you’re scared to let anything like that happen to her. It’s better to give every ounce of your time and focus on Alex than deal with how you’re feeling, and it’s been affecting your own health.”

Just then, Alex begins to gnaw on Steve’s foot. He chuckles lowly, scooping her up instead. His eyes flicker to Ana, gauging her reaction.

“I can hold her, right?”

Ana glares at him, but the revelation of his words slowly dawns on her. Every single thing Steve said etches into her bones, makes her shoulders sag, leaning back on the couch. She roughly scrubs her hands over her face, her chest tightening a bit. She feels how much this is truly bothering Steve, his knee has been lightly pressed to hers since he sat, and the energy radiating off of him makes her stomach clench with regret.

“That’s not what I was trying to do.” She clarifies. “I wasn’t trying to keep her from you, or anyone. Just, hearing you sing Bucky’s song threw me. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

“I’m not trying to replace him, Ana.” Steve says somberly, softening his tone. “I would never. I could never. But I just want to help.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Listen. I didn’t bring this up to scold you. Just letting you know what we see. It’s okay for you to step out of the house for a bit. I’m not saying you’re a bad mom or telling you how to do anything. But Ana, you need a break once in a while, and we’re here to offer it to you.”

After a stretch of silence, both adults watching Alex play with Steve’s finger as she drools happily, forgetting the pacifier she spat out, Ana quickly squeezing his bicep. He shoots her a tentative glance; she returns a half smile.

“Thank you for, uh, talking to me,” Ana says, feeling her cheeks warm slightly from embarrassment. “I never realized what I was really doing. I think this energy connection we have just added to it. I wasn’t trying to push you away.”

“We love you, you know that. We love this little nugget, too. I’m just looking out for your health, Ana. That’s it.”

“What about yours?” Ana counters, suspicious that Steve has been keeping his own pain buried inside for a while.

“Hmm, are you getting hungry, Alex?” Steve coos after she turned to slobber on his shirt.

Ana purses her lips, noting that evasiveness but she lets it slide. She decides to try and fix what she was just called out on. Standing, she stretches, kisses her daughter then goes to pick up the bottle and baby food she dropped. The bottle leaked several drops onto the floor, she’ll clean that up later.

“If you want to feed her, try the food first, then her bottle if she doesn’t want it,” Ana suggests, handing it over to him. “I think I’ll take a nice warm shower. Leave Alex to have some bonding time with her uncle Stevie.”

Something in Steve’s eyes crack, a deep sadness casting shadow over his blue eyes. She’s about to ask, but Steve stands, flashes her a quick smile, then heads to the highchair.

“Steve,” Ana calls. She swallows any shame and anger she feels toward herself. “I’ll try working on it.”

He nods, a real smile chasing away those shadows.

**

Two weeks later, Ana gets a true wake up call, something she should have seen coming.

She’s just wrapping Alex up in a towel, having to give her a bath after a sweet potato fiasco, when someone knocks on the door. Alex babbles on, trying to eat the towel as Ana calls for the person to come in.

“Oooh, someone just got a bath, huh?” Steve coos when he enters. “Do you need help getting something?”

Ana just lays Alex down on the changing table, holding her with one hand on her belly, as she tries reaching for a new pack of diapers. 

“I got it, thanks.” She responds, barely looking at him. He seems to ignore her words, however.

“Alex, honey, no, that’s not for munching,” Steve chuckles as he hurries to take away the baby powder bottle from her grasp.

“Silly bean,” Ana says once she got a new diaper. She nuzzles her nose on her cute stomach, blowing a little raspberry against her skin. Alex giggles loudly, her laughs always sending a wave of calm through her mother.

“Actually,” Ana pipes up, realizing she’s refused help all day again. “Can you get pjs out for her?”

Steve seems happy to oblige, rushing over to the dresser. He pulls out purple footies jammies with little cats all over it, handing it to Ana after she secures the new diaper. Steve plays with Alex by swiping the feet of the pjs over her hair. She giggles again, reaching for them but grabbing his fingers instead, trying to eat them.

“She beginning to teeth?” He questions, pulling his fingers back to tickle her belly.

“I don’t know yet, she might. I think she just wants anything she sees in her mouth. What’s up?”

“I, uh, I needed to tell you something.” He begins to dress Alex once Ana sits her up.

“Okay, give me a second, I’m gonna change out of these wet pants.”

She leaves her daughter in Steve’s watch as she finds new pants and changes in the bathroom. Once she’s finished and wipes up any water on the floor with a towel, she goes back to her room. Steve has moved to the rocking chair with Alex in his lap, giving her a teething toy for her to gnaw on. She looks relaxed, lounging back against Steve’s torso, her eyes fluttering. Fighting back the bitter churn in her stomach, Ana inhales and exhales slowly. 

“She started getting fussy when you walked away,” He explains. “She’s fine now though.”

“What did you want to tell me?”

It’s something serious, going by the set of his mouth and the pull of his eyebrows. He takes a moment to speak as Alex notices her mother, begins to whine and drops her toy. His frown deepens, but he adjusts the baby, her stomach to his chest, offering her a pacifier instead. Alex accepts it, resting her head against his shoulders, her little hand against his neck. Ana takes the smallest step forward, but he finally speaks.

“I’m leaving.” Steve announces.

“Leaving...like on a trip?”

“Moving. I’m moving out.”

“What?” Ana asks, bemused. “What do you mean you’re moving?”

“I mean, I’m moving-”

“Out, yeah, you said that. Why? Where did this decision come from?”

Steve levels her with a look. Ana feels like she was just hit in the face with his shield. Their conversation when he called her out on the unhealthy attachment to Alex replays in her mind.

“Because of me?” She whispers in shock. “Wow. I really did push you away this time. I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“I didn’t say that,” He defends. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“You didn’t have to.”

A forced breath blows through his lips. “I just need space, I think. Take some time for myself, is all. I think you do too, we all do. I’ve been toying with the idea of moving out for a month now. It’s just for a little while, I’ve got my own shit to sort out and deal with.”

“A month!?” Ana gaps. “You’ve been planning this for a month and you didn’t talk to me about it? In fact, you could have talked to me about how you were feeling.”

“Would you even have wanted me to?” He snipes. “Would you have allowed someone else to hold Alex for more than five minutes for me to even get time with you?”

Alex whines in his arms, readjusting herself. Steve begins to gently pat her back and presses a kiss to her head. Ana’s heart clenches as she watches her daughter snuggle under his neck, her blue eyes slowly closing.

“What about your promise to Bucky? What about her?” She demands, gesturing to her baby.

His expression falters for a split second before he schools it again. “We both know you don’t need anyone to take care of you.”

Ouch. “Yeah, I guess I deserved that. I deserve your anger and anything else. But I really am sorry for everything. For being stupid, and not paying attention. I’m sorry for pushing you away again. I should have helped you, I should have helped everyone. We could have-”

“Hey,” For the first time since he started this conversation, Steve flashes her a genuine smile. “I wasn’t going to put my grief on top of yours. You were pregnant and stressed enough as it was, and now you’re a new mother. I just don’t want you to lose focus on your wellbeing. Like I said, you need time for yourself. This isn’t just because of you.”

“So, it doesn’t have to do with our talk before?” She questions sarcastically.

He sighs, breaking eye contact to check on Alex. She’s fallen asleep, apparently not caring about the tension in the room. Despite him calling her out earlier, every time Steve held Alex, she would settle right down, or fall asleep snuggled in the safety of his arms. She loved playing with his nose, loves to tug his hair or do those funny squats, cackling away each time. 

“She adores you, Steve. She loves you.”

Steve’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “She’s a baby. She’ll forget me in no time.”

Ana pouts. “That’s not true.”

“I’ll stop by every now and then,” Steve tells her, beginning to stand up.

She watches as he carefully lowers Alex into the crib, lightly kissing her head one last time.

“So, there’s nothing I can do or say that will change your mind?” Ana offers, swallowing back the lump in her throat. “I’ll work on these attachment issues. I can-”

“My stuff is mostly packed already,” He cuts her off once Alex is safely in her crib. “I’m um, leaving today.”

“Oh.”

The silence that stretches between them lasts a long time. Steve stands there, arms crossed, shoulders hunched, his eyes flickering to the sleeping baby every once in a while. Ana is fighting back tears, rubbing her chest to keep any energy outburst at bay. She can’t believe how far she went this time, without even realizing it. She pushed Steve so far that she drove him to move out. As blindsided as she is now, it’s the hardest wakeup call she’s ever received. 

“I really am sorry,” Ana tells him softly. “I hope you can truly forgive me one day.”

“I already told you-“

“You’re a terrible liar, Steve.”

His expression breaks again, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. “I’m not blaming you. It’s a place in Brooklyn, by the way.”

“That’s nearly two and a half hours away,” Ana retorts.

“Yes, but if there’s an emergency I’ll be right back here.” 

“Guess I shouldn’t keep you any longer then. Do you need help with anything?”

“Actually,” He suddenly looks sheepish. “Most of my stuff is already there. Just a few boxes left.

Shock finally makes her nose tingle, tears prickling in her eyes. The notion of Steve literally packing up his life at the compound and walking away without telling her hurts more than she the reason why he’s moving. She really fucked up this time, possibly ruined a good friendship.

Ana turns on the baby monitor, grabs the other portable one to hook to her pants and stands. “At least let me walk you out?”

Steve sniffs, though his eyes are dry. He’s guarded, Ana can see that. He allows her to do so, half closing the door, and trusting FRIDAY to alert her if Alex wakes up. They’re silent all through the compound and elevator ride, until they reach the ground floor. Steve’s car is parked right out front, already packed with boxes and bags.

“I never meant for this to happen,” Ana mumbles as Steve opens the door.

Steve wraps his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest. Ana wraps her arms under his shoulders, subtly transferring remorseful energy to him so he can at least believe how incredibly sorry she is.

“I know,” He sighs, patting her back. “Don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

They break apart, Steve getting into the car. Ana watches him drive away, leaving nothing but bitter dust behind.

When she makes it back to her room, Natasha is sitting on her bed, reading one of the bedtime stories. She looks up when she hears Ana close the door, placing the book aside.

“I just popped in to check on her,” She explains, swinging her legs off the bed. “I can leave if you-“

Ana crawls onto the bed, forcing Nat to scoot back again as she wraps her arms around her friend, burying her face in her hair. She hugs Ana back.

“I’m sorry, Tash,” Ana sniffs.

Natasha chuckles, running her fingers through her hair. “The last time you called me Tash was when I finally let you use your powers on me. You’re a bit tender right now, aren’t you?” She asks sweetly.

“I literally pushed Steve to move out. I’ve been horrible. I did the same thing I did when I was pregnant. I don’t mean to. Will you…can you take me to that support group?”

“Yeah, of course. And I’m not mad at you, just concerned. You know I love you and that маленький ангел.”

Ana hums, “She is a little angel, ain’t she?”

“That she is. The best little Barnes.” 

Ana ends up falling asleep in Natasha’s embrace, vowing to fix herself and how she’s been treating her friends again.

********************************************************************************

AN: Listen. I am sorry if that was horrible or too long, but I felt that everything in this chapter was needed, no matter how much I tried cutting things out. Now for the next chapter......say hello to End Game....*winks* Thank you for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it, since I wrote this in a week because I couldn't leave my room. (roommate had covid...cool stuff.) Stay safe and healthy! I love you all! Also, I’m not a mother, so my experience with babies comes from babysitting and helping raise my “nephew” since he was 3 months old. 

Drabbles: Twenty--Four    Drabbles: Twenty-Six

 Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner @buckyland @stressedasalways @watchoutforfrostbite @justreadingfics @keldachick @eurynome827 @elatedmarvel @shesalatesh @paintedgreywriting @buckaroo-blue @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin @crushedbyhyperbole @jaxthebookworm @gamorazenn @happinessisaloadedgun​ @je-suis-prest-rachel​  

[ao3feed-cherik]

A Tragedy of Lies and Soulmates

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineer working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

[ao3feed-mcufemslash]

A Tragedy of Lies and Soulmates

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

by k505

In a world where the famous Alpha billionaire, innovative entrepreneur, and oldest son of Howard and Maria Stark, Arno Stark, leads Stark Enterprises, the third child and a pretty omega male, Anthony “Tony” Stark is a camera-shy genius engineering working for Stark Enterprises. Then Arno is kidnapped, and Tony must assume the identity of Iron Man, a new bodyguard for Arno Stark, to rescue him. In between hiding his identity and fighting evil, Tony discovers that his soulmates are very much alive. As he’s settling into his role and gathering the courage to reveal himself to his soulmates, the accords happened. He is nearly killed by his own soulmates in a Hydra Bunker. Now, he’s both recovering from his injuries and is a prisoner of Wakanda. Can his soulmates regain his broken trust? Can they prove themselves worthy of his love and devotion? Or will Tony turn them away?

Words: 2398, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/Peter Parker, Clint Barton/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Peter Parker, Phil Coulson/Sam Wilson, Loki/Thor, Jane Foster/Loki, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Sif, Darcy Lewis/Sif/Wanda Maximoff, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock/Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, Frank Castle/Danny Rand, Frank Castle/Elektra Natchios, Matt Murdock/Danny Rand, Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Danny Rand/Elektra Natchios, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson/Karen Page, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men)/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Remy LeBeau/Logan (X-Men), Logan/Rogue (X-Men), Jean Grey/Scott Summers, T'Challa/Original Female Character, Howard Stark/Jack Thompson/Maria Stark, Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis

Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Secret Identity, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Avengers (2012), Not Iron Man 2 Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Trust Issues, Panic Attacks, Asexual Character, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Porn With Plot, Imprisonment, Original Character(s), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Bottom Tony Stark, Shy Tony Stark, Omega Tony Stark, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Steve Rogers, Possessive Bucky Barnes, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Healing, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stark Siblings - Freeform, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MNuUYP

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 23

Let Me Feel as Hurt as You Do

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC; Platonic Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. Loss, Grief. Anxiety attack. Someone gets mad. A very slight implication of mentioned abortion, but not by word, by context. (This chapter focuses some on Steve and Ana)

Words: 14,639k words. Ha. Ha. I’m sorry.

A/N: Again, sorry for taking so long to update. From Jan-March 12th, I was completely booked soild at work. And then, this virus happened and I got laid off and oh look! A new chapter! I hope everyone is healthy and staying safe and staying inside. Here is a 14k+ chapter for you. (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) 

Previously: Ana had a full on energy bursting breakdown. Steve ran after her, causing him to feel his own energy drain, and leaving small cuts and bruises on his arm, left by Ana. Time is told by weeks of pregnancy. 

A pounding pressure circles Ana’s entire head, as if her brain is trying to squeeze itself out through her skull. Her nose is clogged, her mouth slightly open to breathe, to taste the air that no longer smells like Bucky; the last thing she had been trying to hold onto. At least this way she can’t smell the scent of him fading away from the fabric of his shirt she’s wearing. Instead, the air faintly tastes like charred earth.

Her eyelids are heavy, swollen from the tears that have yet to stop. Ana sits silently, gaze transfixed through the floor to ceiling windowpanes where the glass had shattered, decorating the ground like crystals.

Wet tracks have stained patterns on her cheeks, tear after tear. Her mind is thankfully blank for the time being. Just focused on watching the glass reflect off the lights in the compound and the glow of the moon. Her vision begins morphing the reflections together like dark watercolors. An odd flutter in her stomach rolls through her, gently pulling her from the depths of her mind; the colors had begun to form a dusty orange landscape.

“Hey, think you feel up to drinking this for me?”

Blinking back to awareness, Ana watches as Carol wiggles a little jar in front of her. That same elixir she had made her drink on occasion; it truly helps her feel better physically. Carol hands her the vial, their fingers touching. The moment of contact stirs the energy within Ana, causing her body to tense up abruptly. It lasts for a moment, before the tension eases into something calmer than she’s ever felt. It’s different, welcoming, and Ana finds her hand covering the other woman’s to chase that odd serenity.

“What?” Ana breathes, confused.

Carol offers her a friendly smile. She leans a tad closer. “You and I, don’t think we’re that different, power wise.”

“I don’t understand?” She blinks a few times.

Ana is utterly exhausted after her outburst, yet she could still feel the light turmoil of her energy prickling just under her skin. Now, her energy is finally beginning to settle, feels similar like the rings Shuri gave her.

“I’m stabilizing your energy levels,” Carol explains smoothly.

“You-you can do that?”

“Didn’t know until right now, figured I’d try it.”

“You’re so powerful,” Ana whispers, inhaling slowly as her body finally relaxes. “Much higher than my level of- this.” She vaguely gestures to her own body with her free hand. She allows herself a few more moments of Carol’s touch before taking the bottle from her.

“Then it’s something we can chat about later, once you’re feeling better,” She promises. Then she smirks. “And when you don’t look like you got swallowed whole then spit back out by a Flerken.”

“What’s a- never mind,” Ana sighs tiredly, opening the jar.

“Slow sips, alright? Rest for a few days. I have more if needed.”

She nods in silent gratitude. Carol pats her shoulder twice, though Ana doesn’t feel the same comforting flow she did just a minute ago. She also doesn’t miss Carol’s head jerk to Natasha as she walks away. Natasha follows her, and if Ana wasn’t as drained as she is, she may had been more curious.

When she finishes the elixir, Rhodes and Steve help her stand and make her way to her room. She briefly notices small spots of blood on Steve’s sleeve. She frowns, but Rhodey asking if he can make a call to Pepper, and would it be okay with her, distracts her. Ana nods, struck aware that she hasn’t spoken to her cousin in two months.

Another realization overcomes her as the men assist her down the hallway. Ana had been unintentionally horrible the past three months to everyone around her. She didn’t just shut off her emotions, she shut out her friends.

*

Just twenty minutes after she’s in bed, a light tapping sounds at the door as Ana slightly readjusts her sitting position. Apparently being reacquainted with her emotions also comes with new pains and aches; her lower back for one. Ana finally gets her pillows in the right position, nearly forgetting someone is at the door.

It cracks open, Natasha peaking her head in. “Is it alright for me to enter?”

She sounds so formal. Ana can’t blame her. “Uh, y-yeah,” She clears her raw throat. “Yes.”

The corner of Natasha’s mouth cracks with a sad smirk before her face goes back to unreadable. She gently shuts the door behind her, moving toward the bed, Ana shifting her legs over to give her a space to sit. Which she does.

Ana bites her lip hard, nervous about Natasha’s pending anger. Worried Nat will give her a verbal lashing, even though she knows she deserves it. Her skin prickles with the apprehensive energy in the room. She inhales shakily, counts to five in her head before exhaling, rubbing her hands over the bottom curve of her growing stomach.

When Natasha finally speaks, her voice is unreadable. “Ana.”

Ana nearly flinches hearing her name. She makes the briefest of eye contact with the former spy. A single tear escapes Ana’s left eye, despite her efforts to keep them at bay. Natasha slowly reaches out to- what? Would she actually slap a pregnant woman? Flick her off? Make another rude hand gesture? Ana breaks their stare, ashamed- and isn’t that quite amazing to feel that now. Shame for how she’d been for the past three months.

Instead of a sharp stinging slap, or a bruising pinch, the gentle hand laid on her shoulder genuinely shocks her. Ana shoots her gaze up again, another tear overflowing. There’s a softness in Natasha’s eyes that she hasn’t see in so very long, her green eyes glassy. Her fingers apply pressure to Ana’s shoulder a moment before her shoulder is pulled forward a little. The motion makes her chin tremble, biting her lip still, nearly hard enough to draw blood.

Natasha exhales sadly, a little huff of air before she fully pushes Ana closer. Suddenly, she has Ana’s face pressed to her neck, and her other arm is hugging her tightly around her back. A hug. Nat is giving her a hug, one she doesn’t deserve in the least. A comforting, supporting hug. Something Ana hasn’t felt in months.

Tears flow freely down her face once again. Natasha holds her as best as she can, her fingers digging into her skin.

“I…I,” Ana stutters between hiccuping gasps. “Nat-“

“I know, I know,” Natasha replies softly. “Shhhh, I know, Ana. Apology accepted. Just let it out now. I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ana wraps her arms around her as much as she can manage, fingers pressing into the solid form of comfort. She nearly cries herself to sleep that way. Barely conscious enough to realize Natasha moves her back and covers her with a blanket before she succumbs to sleep.

For once, Ana has a dreamless slumber.

*

Steve rubs his thumb over the already scabbed over crescent marks on his forearm, noticing the faint bruising around them too.

“Glass get ya’?”

Rocket’s voice grabs his attention, going back to sweeping his pile of shattered glass into the dustpan.

“No, just-“ But Steve stops because he doesn’t have an excuse. Not to mention he’s sure everyone witnessed everything.

“She always been strong enough to draw blood from a super soldier?” Rocket continues casually, finishing his pile before jumping up on the arm of the couch. Eye level with Steve’s arm now.

A brief memory flashes through Steve’s mind of Ana accidentally clipping Bucky in a sparring match outside their hut. It led to a busted lip, Ana apologizing profusely while straddling Bucky and him looking up at her with proud adoring eyes as if she hung the moon.

He mentally shakes the memory away. She always had a hidden strength about her, but never enough to physically bruise them with just a grip of her fingers.

“No, this would be new.”

“Has no one noticed her growing strength these past weeks?” Nebula muses lowly, studying a small device in her hands. She fiddles with it, then points it at the first pile large of broken glass. “The minuscule signs of her powers becoming unsteady?”

She presses a button, a short burst of purple light shoots from the device. Suddenly the pile is gone, nothing but a wisp of smoke before it fades. Steve in utter shock, is impressed with the tool, and vaguely thinks if they had that a while back it would have saved them a lot of clean up time in previous home attacks.

“Uh-“ Steve begins.

“Oh, let me do the rest!” Rocket demands, hopping off the couch and grabbing the device as Nebula holds it out.

“The light charred marks on tables,” She continues, her dark eyes locking on Steve’s. “The-

“Dent marks? Yeah,” He says, leaning against the back of the couch. Rocket cackles as three more piles disappear. Steve continues. “Didn’t catch the first signs though.”

“Ana is…fascinatingly powerful. More than any of you realize.”

Crossing his arms tightly, Steve frowns in perplexed curiosity. What has this woman from another planet seen in Ana that no one else had noticed. That he himself hadn’t paid attention to. “Care to elaborate?”

“The sheer amount of energy she released,” Nebula pauses, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Was extremely similar to that of-“

“Captain Rogers, you have an incoming call from Mrs. Stark.”

FRIDAY’s interruption could have come at different time than this. Steve drops his arms as he pushes himself off the couch.

“We’ll talk about that later,” He tells Nebula, heading toward the conference room.

She nods, then snatches the device from Rocket just as he was about to test it on a lounge chair. Steve ponders her words over in his head, some pieces coming together from the past month. He did noticed the perfectly scorched hand print on the bedside table in Ana’s room tonight. However, speaking to Pepper takes precedence at the moment.

*

Five days pass before Ana remembers the details of her breakdown. Five days before she connects the spots of blood on Steve’s arm was her doing; granted, she had slept soundlessly for most of those days. Her body seeming to finally catch up on a decent amount of sleep and beginning to heal from her emotional stunted issues. As in, she’s been overly emotionally now, like her hormones are speeding up to make up the past three months.

It was recommended by Pepper, after Ana had a long overdue conversation with her, that she should watch cute animal videos, or light comedic movies to lift her spirits a little. It worked for one day before she came across a fluffy kitten video and started crying at how cute the little kitty was.

Now, Ana gingerly gets up to use the bathroom, her bladder clearly smaller and being constantly pressed on. Instead of getting back in bed however, she leaves her room in search for Steve herself. That, and she suddenly has a craving for mango pizza again.

“What the hell are you doing walking around?” Rocket greets her as she rounds the corner to the kitchen.

“I’m hungry,” She replies with a pout, slowly moving to the freezer. “Have you seen Steve?”

“There’s plenty of people here to bring you food, take advantage of that, Barnes.”

Ana halts for a moment hearing her last name, the little “space raccoon” as Rhodes likes to call him, only knows her as Ana Barnes. She inhales slowly, then pulls open the door.

“And would you have brought me food on a tray?” She shoots over her shoulder, voice teasing. She nearly forgot how it feels to tease someone.

“What do I look like, a servant? I meant use the others.” He replies flippantly.

For the first time in a long time, Ana cracks a smile. A small chuckle even escaping past her lips. She turns to glance at him, and swears she sees a little smirk from him too.

“Ana? What the in hell are you walking around for?”

Ahh, there he is. She closes the door, but keeps her hand on the handle for support. “Looking for you, and hungry.”

Steve fixes her with his disapproving looking before he suddenly looks surprised. “You’re hungry?”

“Yes.”

He sighs. “Go lay back down and I’ll make you something.”

“No, this is specific-“

“Could’ve just asked FRIDAY to call someone.”

“I disabled FRIDAY from my room, remember?” She reminds him awkwardly as Steve begins to usher her back. “Two months ago.”

“Right. What’s this specific food you want?”

“Mango piz- wait.” Ana stops, wincing at her abrupt movement. She looks over her shoulder again after she takes a steady breath. “Rocket, is that my glock? And my knife set?”

Rocket had gone back to doing his task before she had entered, popping his head up to acknowledge her.

“Oh, yeah,” He answers lightly. “Stole them from that shooting range here. You ain’t using them right, full belly and all? No? Good. Couldn’t find your metaled arm husband’s gun, figured I’d clean these instead. In case you decide to have another cool outburst- I mean, breakdown, they’ll be of use.”

Ana just stares as Steve covers his laugh with a cough.

“That okay?”

There’s no snark coming from him, just a teasing glint in his dark eyes. She can’t pinpoint why, but Rocket cleaning her long forgotten weapons and clearly knowing they were hers, touches Ana more than she thought it would. She recalls him handing her Bucky’s gun after the incident; which is now carefully put away in the closet.

“The smaller knife on the right is spring loaded,” She informs him with a small smile. “Used to be inside the boots I wore. It’s a good knife. Take care of them all.”

Rocket grabs the knife, finds the switch and springs it open. He salutes with it as Ana follows Steve back to her room.

An hour later has Steve serving freshly made pizza with chopped up mango pieces on top. Ana already feels bad the second he came in. He takes one look at her grimacing face and groans, setting the pie down on the bedside tray.

“You’re no longer craving this, are you?” He guesses, dropping the paper plates as well.

She shakes her head. “Sorry.”

“Hungry for anything else?”

“Did I hurt you, that night?” Ana abruptly questions. It’s the whole reason she wanted to find him in the first place. Not for food.

“What are you talking about?” Steve frowns, hands on his hips.

“Nat’s always been right. You’re a terrible liar, Rogers.”

He sighs, sitting down on her bed next to her legs. “Ana, you weren’t aware of draining my energy.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” She replies, then grabs his left arm.

Ana pushes the flannel sleeve up to his elbow, pulling him closer to see better. Five very faint crescent shapes on his arm are barely visibly in the light but they’re there. Four in a row and the fifth just a few centimeters to the left. Ana traces the shapes with her finger, his skin smooth from any scabbing.

“I saw blood on your sleeve that night,” She informs him, raising his arm to her eyes for a better look. She turns his arm side to side, no resistance from him. “Thought maybe it was the glass. It wasn’t.”

There. Ana keeps his arm at a slight angle, and the smallest discoloration of yellow stands out against his usual peachy skin tone. “I held onto your arm.”

“Yeah,” Steve confirms calmly. “Dug your nails in. Had a pretty strong grip there.”

A thought runs through her mind, causing Ana to drop his arm. She very suddenly does not want Steve to put any of his own thoughts together. Calling herself out on the cuts was a bad idea, and anxiety shoots through her chest. She doesn’t want anyone to know or to possibly connect her oddly growing strength. Ana herself has been aware it for weeks.

“Sorry I hurt you,” She rushes out. “Sorry,” Ana repeats kinder. “For everything.”

Steve looks like he wants to continue the subject, then thinks better of it. “Don’t worry about apologies right now, okay? Just take it easy for the next week, try not to stress yourself out, Ana. Once you’re feeling better and off bed rest, we can revisit it.”

“Okay, yeah. Sounds good,” She agrees, mentally breathing a sigh of relief. Though she can’t help feeling like her and Steve are treading on thin ice.

She shifts around, adjusting the pillows. Steve helps her, mainly making sure she doesn’t accidentally fall off the side. Ana feels exhausted again, her lower back aching as she finally finds a position comfortable enough.

“Apparently turning your emotions back on makes you realize you’re actually pregnant.” Ana huffs, half on her side.

“’Bout damn time,” Steve snips instantly. Ana quirks an eyebrow. “I mean! I didn’t mean for that to sound rude. I just meant, sometimes it felt like you didn’t…care.”

“Steve,” Ana begins solemnly after a short pause. She looks him straight in the eye, stressing her next words. “Natasha said the same thing to me. If I did not want or care for this baby. I would not be pregnant anymore.”

It’s silent between them as her words sink in. She can see in his eyes when he comprehends her meaning. Steve drops his head for a moment, before he meets her gaze again. He takes her hands in his, squeezing.

“And we would have supported you with whatever decision you made,” Steve tells her just as serious. “We still do. Support you. That’s all any of us wanted to do. We’re…we’re your family now. We’re here for you and little Barnes in there.”

Ana scoffs to cover the tightness in her throat. “You’ve always been my family, Steve. Well, at least for the past seven years.” That earns her a chuckle. “Thank you.”

“You look tired, get some rest.” He releases her hands and begins to stand.

“Actually, I kinda want the pizza now.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t hide how happy her eating seems to make him.

*

Ana cautiously makes her way to the bathroom, pressing her hands to her lower back as she walks. She turns on the sink, cupping her hands under the faucet and presses the cold water to her clammy face. Sighing in relief, she repeats the notion until her face feels clean of sweat. Body aches and mild hot flashes bringing the clammy skin, her ankles beginning to swell just a little. It’s almost as if her body is reminding her of the growing human inside her uterus with a vengeance. Payback for now finally feeling everything from her lack of feeling nothing for weeks.

However, she does take comfort in the facts that the baby is healthy and her most of her vitals are back to normal. Ana reaches for a washcloth on the counter, patting her face dry. She catches her gaze in the mirror once she’s finished, and stares.

Dull dark eyes peer back at her, the golden dots just matte specks. Grayish-purple circles are prominent against unusually pale skin tone. Highlights the fine lines of her lower eyelids, lines of exhaustion, stress, loss. Her face has thinned, looks sullen from lack of smiles, of laughter. The white of her eyes bloodshot, either from tears after so long of not shedding them or just lack of sleep.

Ana’s reflection startles her. This is the first time she has truly taken in her appearance in months. Too afraid to see the failure in her eyes of not saving Bucky in time. Of not stopping Thanos. Of the loss of life in her own eyes. She takes a step back, seeing herself entirely.

Smoothing her damp hands over her stomach, she grabs the hem of her- Bucky’s- shirt, lifting the material just under her breast. Which, have also grown bigger in the past three months. It’s not as if she hasn’t noticed her body growing, or seen her belly before, considering she has a top view of it every day, but this. This feels different.

Her skin has obviously accommodated the growing baby, proof of stretch marks on either side of her belly button that now pokes out. The old bullet wounds on her abdomen have stretched out as well, and the last few letters of her rib tattoo just barely affected. Ana traces her fingers over the new marks, then sees the slight movement of her belly in the mirror. A slow smile spreads across her lips, because this is different, and her mind drifts into another memory.

Ana shivers, legs tangled with strong muscular ones on the bed. Clothes long since scattered along the floor, a shirt on the lamp, bra on the mirror.

“Can’t wait to see your belly grow,” Bucky murmurs thickly. Nose grazing around her navel for the umpteenth time.

“Bucky,” Ana whines, breath ragged and pleading.

“Gonna look radiant, love.” He continues to praise, lips burning a trail of flames to her hip. “So fucking beautiful. My girl, my amazing wife.”

He stops his kissing, turning his head to lay his ear and cheek over the lower part of her stomach. His breath hitches as he listens, as her fingers sink into his long thick hair scratching his scalp.

“It’s the most beautiful sound in the world,” Bucky exhales, voice strained with emotion. “That little heartbeat. God, I can’t wait to feel this little jellybean move in there.”

Ana, despite wanting her husband to have his focus between her legs, laughs. “That’s what you can’t wait for?”

Bucky kisses her bellybutton, then her scars. “And many more, but, yes. My ma told me-“ He hesitates for a moment, as if he’s shocked he reminds the memory. “Whenever my sisters moved around, they were waving at me. Like they couldn’t wait to meet me.”

“Bucky, sweetheart,” Ana’s voice is a gentle sigh, fond and full of adoration. “This baby definitely can’t wait to meet you either.”

He hums. “I used to sing to them, when my Ma was pregnant. Said they could hear me. So, I talked to them every day. Like I’m going to talk and sing to our little one every day.”

Overwhelmed with how much she just fucking loves Bucky, Ana tugs him up to her, cupping his cheeks and giving him a deeply passionate kiss. His fingers tracing her stomach, over and over, until he finally lowers them.

A dull jab to the left side of her stomach pulls her back to her reflection. She chuckles wetly, tears escape as she blinks. Because this. This is her finally coming to terms.

“I can’t wait to meet you, little bean,” She whispers. She moves her hand to the same spot, feeling their baby moving around.

This. This is Ana finally connecting.

 25 weeks:

Another dream. The same dream. Over and over and over. Each time, ashes slip between her fingers the moment she touches Bucky. Each time he gives her that sad smile. Each time he speaks her name so tenderly. Each time, no matter what she does to try to save him, dust ingrains the lines of her palms, settles heavily in her lungs.

Each time she wakes with tears, panting and struggling to breathe. The only difference now is the ache in her chest, the stabbing pain through her heart, a haunting in her mind, and the shredded frays of her soul. The only thing that comforts her now, is the sound of Bucky’s voice recorded on the kimoyo beads.

Like clockwork every night, Ana hears Steve’s soft footsteps, a defeated sigh. On the eighth night, this changes. Steve finally knocks, cracking the open door she no longer keeps locked. Ana waits with her head in her hands for him to come in and sit on the edge of her bed.

She takes a few calming breaths before speaking. “What made you finally come in?” She inquires, face still hidden in her palms.

“How did you know I was there?” Steve asks bemused. He doesn’t wait for her answer. Instead he says, “Figured it was about time. Your nightmares. It’s what led to your...breakdown.”

Ana remains silent. He’s not wrong.

“I have nightmares too. So does Nat, Rhodey, all of us. Not sure about Nebula though, she’s more stoic than you were.”

She chuckles slightly at that, but still doesn’t look at him. She can feel his nervous energy radiating off him though, and it’s overwhelming to feel her ability again. There’s still an odd sort of tension between Ana and Steve. Makes her skin tingle and nerves jumpy, she almost wishes Carol were here instead.

“You don’t have to talk about them. You don’t have to talk to me about anything.” Steve continues, his voice morphs into a desperate hint of a plea. “Just, please don’t shut me out again, Ana.”

Frowning at her hands, she remains still, allowing him to talk.

“I mean,” He says quietly. “You shut everyone out, but it was worse with Natasha and I. Especially me. You never looked at me. You still can hardly look at me. I think I know why, and…I am so fucking sorry.”

Finally, Ana picks her head up, shocked and confused. But Steve’s eyes are staring off to the side, his hands twisting his fingers around. She follows his line of sight, to the picture of her and Bucky on their wedding day. When she looks at him again, his jaw clenches as he swallows.

Abruptly he stands up, but Ana reaches for his arm, grabbing his wrist. She sees him wince and realizes her grip is too tight. She quickly releases him as he stares wide eyed at her. She opens her mouth to ask why he apologized. Maybe ask why he’s suddenly leaving after he’d been pacing back and forth listening to her nightmares for weeks.

But a strange sensation shoots through her lower stomach and she gasps, hands immediately going to the spot. “Oh, fuck,” Ana whimpers with a wince. “Baby didn’t like that move.”

“Are you okay!? Do I need to call Dr. Hammond?” Steve asks frantically.

“No, no, I’m fine,” She reassures him, the pain fading. “Just moved too fast is all.”

Steve hums like he doesn’t quite believe her as he shakes his wrist out. “You look abnormally pale, lost your tanner complexion.”

Ana shrugs, not mentioning the lack of sun and definitely emotional stress is part of it. Instead, she attempts to reach for the nightstand drawer. Steve beats her too it, pulling out one of the vials of the elixir. He pops open the top, handing it to her. She nods her thanks.

“FRIDAY,” Steve addresses the AI that was reinstalled days ago. “What’s the read on Ana’s vitals?”

“Body temperature is normal, heart rate slightly elevated at 150 bpm. Fetal heart rate is normal range at 153 bpm. Mrs. Barnes blood pressure remains low at 90/60, however there are no other signs of distress at this time.”

“Thank you,” He says, seeming to relax just slightly.

“Mrs. Barnes, you haven’t taken your medication tonight, and your water intake has been minimal today. I can print out some prenatal yoga exercises and breathing techniques for you. I’ve noticed your sleeping pattern hasn’t improved enough to be considered healthy. Your appetite has improved quite a bit though.”

“This is why I disabled you in the first place,” Ana grumbles as Steve’s gaze narrows at her.

“I was truly impressed you bypassed my firewall, I was also hurt by your action-“ FRIDAY responds. Ana makes an indigent noise and swears FRIDAY sounds snippy. “-As I do care for your wellbeing. As does Mr. Stark.”

“Okay, that’s enough, thank you!” She snaps. The AI goes silent. Ana ignores the thick lump forming in her throat at the mention of Tony.

“Drink your water and take your medication.” Steve’s tone leaves no room for agreement as he gives her both her cup of water and the bottle of meds.

She does as she’s told, swallowing the pill and taking slow sips of water. She can feel her body relax and the baby roll around until it decides the position it’s is good enough.

“I don’t mean to continue to shut you out,” Ana confesses suddenly, eyes meeting Steve’s who was about to leave. “I’m still just trying to process feeling again. It’s overwhelming and I’m trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. The whole reason I did it in the first place, Steve, to was protect my child from any negative affects through me. You may not believe me, but everything I did, everything I’m trying to do is to protect my baby and keep it healthy.”

Sighing heavily, she puts her cup and bottle down, leaning back against her pillows. “Haven’t done a great job though.” She adds as an afterthought.

“I believe you,” Steve says, staying by the door. A shadow flickers in his blue eyes, and the energy around him changes darkly before it’s gone. “I just…sometimes it just feels like-“

Ana frowns because he just stops talking, shaking his head. Something is bothering him, and she swears it’s more than just shutting him out. He’s anxious about it. “Feels like what?”

“Nothing,” He gives her a nearly convincing smile. “It’s late, you should try going back to sleep.” Steve exists after that, closing the door but stopping the last few inches. “Ana, I’m here. If you need me. For anything.”

“I know,” She whispers as he shuts the door.

Ana covers her face again with her hands, inhaling slowly. She can still smell the faint ashes from her dreams, can still feel a phantom touch and realizes with a start, that she is not the only one to lose Bucky.

**

Finally, Ana is off bed rest, Dr. Hammond visiting once more for a check up and seemingly much happier with her health. She mentions the pains could possibly be Braxton Hicks contractions, a sign of her body beginning to prepare for birth. There’s only three months left and it’s this information of her body preparing to welcome a tiny human into the world, that Ana is appalled at herself. For a few reasons.

The first is Ana herself is not prepared whatsoever for a baby to arrive in three months. The second is knowing she hasn’t spoken to Pepper hardly at all, and rushes up to Rhodey. She all but interrogates him, asking if Pepper is angry. Demanding to know if Pepper is alright. Inquiring if the family is okay, and quickly questioning about Tony.

“Glad to see your rambling is back,” Rhodes quips, a smirk teasing his mouth.

He has been sitting in one of the conference rooms, apparently talking to whichever US Government leaders were left. Ana had come to find out that Thaddeus Ross was one of the many to disappear in “The Snap” as Rocket now refers bitterly to it. Ana however, doesn’t know how she quite feels about that bit of information. A bitter satisfaction does curl in her chest though.

“You sound a little like yourself again,” He continues, shutting off the holograms.

A deep ache throbs in Ana’s heart, and she doesn’t have the nerve to tell him that she cries almost every night now. That she spends more time watching and listening to a recording of her husband than talking to anyone else. Ana’s heartbreak remains the same as it was three months ago.

“I’ll be your go between just a little longer,” Rhodey says, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But you both need to speak to each other on your own. He still doesn’t know.”

“Oh.” Ana startles, feeling oddly hurt that Tony doesn’t know she’s pregnant. “Um…do you know why?”

He shrugs, standing up and adjusting the orthotic around his waist. “Pep thinks it should come from you personally.”

The third reason is the fact that while she shut her emotions off, Ana also deliberately shut off any help. She knows Natasha was hurt by it, knows she was pissed to hell, but her and Ana had a long two hours talk about everything. More apologizes from Ana included.

Ana decides it’s time to let people back in, because, as she swallows some bit of pride, she cannot do this alone. She finally calls Pepper, crying on the phone to her cousin because, fuck does she miss her husband, and this is the first time she’s truly allowing herself to feel every ounce of her pain and heartbreak and emotions. After a good hour of that, she goes back to her first reason; being appalled and angry at herself.

“I don’t have anything, Pepper!” Ana whines into the phone. “I’m not prepared. I don’t have a crib, I don’t have clothes, diapers! Wipes!? I don’t even have a damn blanket or pacifier! Oh my god, what if the baby gets sick and I don’t have that little nose sucker thing or a thermometer!? No little socks! This baby’s poor feet are going to freeze because it’s horrible, emotionless fuck of a mother couldn’t-“

“Whoa, hey! That’s enough, Ana!” Pepper scolds. “Take a breath, bug. You can’t work yourself up again like that. It’s going be okay.”

Pepper’s promise holds up. Within a day of their conversation, Pepper stops by with bags and boxes of baby supplies. Some are hand-me-downs, most everything else is new. Boxes of diapers, wipes, bibs, neutral blankets and little onesie’s. Pacifiers, nail clippers, a soft brush, a bathtub, socks, and beanies.

“Who’s Morgan?” Steve questions as he helps carrying in the last box. That he sets down in the living full of people, Morgan’s Baby Stuff written on the top.

Ana freezes with the veggie fruit smoothie Natasha made her, pressed to her lips. Her eyes shoot over to Pepper. Her cousin looks guilty for all of three seconds, before she sighs and shrugs.

“My two-year-old daughter,” She informs, likes it’s the most casual thing to drop that two-year secret. “Tony- both of us, decided to keep it a secret after your falling out.”

The shock of Tony Stark having a daughter ripples through the room.

“You all went your separate ways, most of you off the grid in hiding.” Pepper explains, hands on her hips. “If anyone is angry, then get over it. It was our decision to keep our privacy and family safe from public knowledge.”

“Oh, um, congratulations?” Steve offers awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ana snorts against her cup, nearly splashing her face with liquid veggies. Pepper mutters her gratitude, and that’s that. They continue to carry the gifts further into the room.

“I already knew,” Natasha confesses quietly to Ana, tilting her glass up to make sure she drinks. Of course she did. The infamous spy she is.

Ana glares at her as she takes over dramatic gulps as Nat, who’s hair is slowly turning red at the roots, rolls her eyes.

 It takes a few hours for Pepper to coax Ana to leave the compound and go to a store. Ana makes it halfway down the driveway to the car and stops. Her hearing has grown sensitive, and she knows why, however, she doesn’t hear much of anything.

The birds that used to sing in the trees and woods are silent. There’s zero scurrying feet over the dry leaves on the ground, and the feel of the air around her is…heavy. Broken and hurt. And here she is, about to shop for her child, for her and Bucky’s child.

Without him. Broken and hurt.

“I can’t do this,” She mutters, turning back to go inside.

Pepper doesn’t force her or convince her again. Instead, they pick and order a crib, highchair and anything else she needs.

As Ana rests, watching in a daze as Pepper folds little towels, she places one pile next to Ana. Shifting her eyes, she sees a onesie that says “Little Bean” with three coffee beans decorating the front. Pepper lays matching socks on top, oblivious to Ana’s reaction. She reaches for the tiny socks, the cloth soft in her hand.

“Annie Doll, come look!” Bucky shouts excitedly from the front door. “Ana!”

They had just gotten back from the hut, and she wants to shower the smells of hay and warm weather off. Ana sighs fondly, doubling back from the bathroom. She stops in the living room when she sees a gleeful Bucky holding up a package of six socks. Six, tiny baby socks.

“What in the world?” Ana laughs in bemusement. “Where did you get those? Oh, they’re so cute!”

“Shuri! Well, no-“ Bucky corrects himself as he comes closer. “She helped me navigate one of those baby store websites and I saw these so I ordered them!”

“Bucky, you know I’m only six weeks in right, babe? We have so much time to buy all the socks!” Though as she says it, her heart swells with warmth and love over Bucky’s excitement.

“Yeah…but look!” He nearly shoves the small things in her face. “Baby goats! They had goats on them and I just- what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Ana can’t control her face, or her suddenly wet eyes. She just grabs her husband by the nape of his neck and kisses him firmly. She drags him to the couch, because she won’t make it back to their bedroom.

Remembering that day, Ana gets up too fast, pausing as a wave of dizziness hits her. She waits until it passes, then begins to frantically pull open drawers, searches through her closet, through boxes. She finds nothing as she throws clothes and drops objects to the floor.

“What are you looking for?” Pepper questions cautiously.

“I-I can’t find them.” Ana says with a shaky voice. “I need to find them. I have to find them.”

“Ana-“

“He bought them,” She mumbles, ignoring the tears falling down her cheeks as she rechecks the top drawer. “He bought them. He was so excited, and I can’t find them. I-I need them for Bucky. He bought them for the baby.”

A hand on her shoulder makes her turn and burry her face into Pepper’s chest. “I can’t find them!”

The socks Bucky bought aren’t in her room, which means. The six little pair of goat socks are somewhere in their home in Wakanda. It’s such a small thing, but it breaks Ana all over again. Feeling like her body is being ripped in two once more.

Reminds her that the black hole in her chest will never be whole again.

 27 Weeks:

Nothing gets easier. Ana almost shuts her emotions off again, a few times, until she ends up have a conversation with Nebula one night. It starts off with a game she said her, and Stark played while they were drifting off in space. She takes out a thick triangle, Ana immediately recognizing the little paper football.

Ana smiles sadly at the triangle, remembered when Tony played the same game with her as she recovered in the hospital after her brother had attacked her. The game moves on from light comments, to Ana teaching her simple card games. From there, is transpires deeper. Nebula brings up her suspicions of Ana’s nightmares and growing powers. Unknown as to why she does, Ana opens up to her.

“I thought it was because I was stress free in Wakanda. I was the happiest I’ve ever been.” She recalls somberly. “I was with the person I loved more than anything in my life I had Bucky.” Ana wipes the tears that escape her eyes. She takes a moment to gather herself as Nebula waits patiently.

“I had, have these rings that help regulate my energy. I haven’t been wearing them lately though, maybe that’s why? Or the growth of my hormones with the baby? Or-“

Her right hand slips slightly, her fingers grazing over the stone embedded in the last knuckle of the glove. She yelps, either from pain or the new surge of power coursing through her.

Ana blinks, the memory flashing through her mind. Reminding her.

I touched an Infinity Stone, doesn’t seem to be something Ana should confess just yet. However, Nebula was born on a different planet, and the daughter of that horrible titan. She may possibly know more about the stones than anyone else.

The first time Ana had been in close proximity to Nebula, she felt energy and emotions just as chaotic, and dark as Bucky’s had been; if not a little more. It had to be Nebula’s own moment of vulnerability, suffering so deeply from pain and lose and rage. Since then, she had been stoic enough for Ana to sit close to her, just to feel energy that wasn’t openly heavy. Maybe it’s why Ana decides to tell her.

“Nebula,” Ana begins quietly, urgently, hoping no one is overhearing. “If I tell you something, do you promise to keep it a secret? I’m trusting you here.”

Nebula isn’t one to express her thoughts or emotions, or anything for that matter on her face, but this clearly shocks her. Her dark eyes are wide as she sits back. Nodding once she leans back in, closer to listen to Ana.

“I, I think I touched one of the Infinity Stones,” She mutters, nervously rubbing her hands over her stomach. “I’m sure of it.”

A beat passes. “No Terran can touch a stone without damage. Or death,” Nebula states ominously. “It is not possible.” Though as she says it, her words drift off in thought.

“Don’t you know all about the stones? Does Rocket?” Ana can’t help but inquire.

She shakes her head, eyes looking oddly disappointed. “I only know one of their main functions. Some were simple, straightforward, like the Power Stone. Others were more complicated. My father was never one to spill the secrets of each stone he found.”

“Maybe that’s the one I touched? The Power Stone?” Ana foolishly asks with hope.

“Do you recall the color?”

“No,” She huffs, defeated. Abruptly she doubts herself. “I’m not even sure if it really happened anymore.”

Ana doesn’t elaborate, feeling rather silly for even mentioning it. Maybe she dreamt it. Maybe she was hit so hard it knocked her brain around a little. Maybe she was so emotionally distraught that she just fabricated it. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything.

“You have dreams?” Nebula questions, bringing Ana back.

“I have nightmares,” She corrects. “Always the same, like a strange world.”

“Your physical strength has grown since touching the stone.”

“Yeah,” Ana drawls out, wincing. “That’s…that’s not part of it, I think. Wait. You’ve noticed that? My-my strength?”

“I have. You could be a lethal warrior if you wanted.”

Internal panic tightens her chest. She hoped no one was going to notice; leaving bruises on Steve was one thing, possibly passable and could be forgotten. Even her newly sensitive hearing. But the cracks in objects that aren’t easily crackable? The broken hinge of the door to the roof when Ana pulled to hard? Those aren’t as easy to explain or hide.

“Is that another secret, Barnes? How powerful you have become?”

“Please,” She sags, abruptly feeling tired. “It’s not something I want to talk about yet.”

They don’t speak for a few minutes. Then Nebula makes a tiny smacking noise against the table. “I win.”

Ana looks down at the game of war they paused to talk. Nebula’s duel card is an Ace. Ana flips her over. It’s a Queen.

“I enjoyed that,” Nebula states coolly, gathering the cards messily. “I am going to beat Rhodes now.”

Ana is left laughing softly in the living room. Her panic slowly dying down.

28 weeks:

Entering her seventh month of carrying a human being inside her has really taken affect on Ana. Her hair has gotten much longer, thicker than it was. It’s probably the only thing Ana likes. The heartburn, light sciatic pain, and lower back pain and peeing every five minutes she could all do without. Thankfully, Ana’s vitals and the baby’s have been good enough for Dr. Hammond, who once again stresses the support group for expecting widowed mothers.

Finally relenting, Ana agrees, but with a blush on her face asks Natasha to go with her. The drive isn’t too far, and it’s the first time she has left the compound since Wakanda. There’s a significantly less amount of cars on the road, barely any traffic for a Friday at 5:30pm. The lack of birds and planes flying through the sky. The absence of bikers and runners.

Clenching her hands into fits, Ana rolls her shoulders back, taking a deep breath. Her skin prickles with new energy, new emotions, especially when Natasha stops at a red light. Ana meets the eyes of the person sitting next to them; a middle aged man with vacant eyes. The light turns green and as he drives away, there’s a sticker family on the back of his car; a wife and five kids.

The radio turns to static, then shuts off. Biting her lips, Ana tries not to think of every single person who lost their families, friends, children, the love of their lives. The confusion, the horror, the guilt people must have felt, still feel. Ana’s breathing begins to rapidly pick up, and that same clenching pressure makes itself known in her lower stomach.

“Nat,” She grits out, closing her eyes in an attempt to calm herself.

“Are you going into labor in my car?” Natasha deadpans, a hint of humor behind the flat of her voice.

“No,” Ana huffs a strained chuckle. “But I can’t do this. I thought I could. But my energy…”

“Figured with the radio, just don’t shut car down either. I’m turning around right now, don’t worry. Just count your breathing. Slow inhales and exhales. Touch around you if you need too. You’re alright Ana”

How ironic, Ana thinks vaguely as she follows those instructions, for someone titled an Empathetic Healer to have her own anxiety attacks. To have someone who used to come to her, be the one coaching Ana.

Fuck, she misses Bucky with every aching molecule.

Bucky was so good, so attuned to her, that he was always able to calm her down instantly. All he had to do was gently brush his metal fingers against her hand, or cheek. All he had to do was give her a tight squeeze with his right hand, or press his forehead to hers and silently breath with her until Ana had followed his calming pattern. Or press her hand to his chest like she had done since the beginning. Coo gentle, loving words to her. Even now, she hears that phantom call of her voice.

“Have you picked a name yet?” Nat’s gentle voice provides a slight distraction.

She takes her time to answer. “Not-not really. We considered a few, but it was still too early.”

She hums. “I assume Bucky was excited?”

Remembering how Bucky ran out of the room and spun her after the positive result, Ana smiles to herself. The undeniable glee that lit up his entire beautiful face, his eyes the bluest she had ever seen then, shinning with tears. The kisses her placed on every inch of her body that night, taking his time to set every one of her nerves on fire. Brought her to the highest of highs, just to bring her crashing down into him, safe, happy and loved.

Ana isn’t aware she’s silently crying until the tears drip off her jaw and land on her stomach. Soaks into the fibers of another one of Bucky’s shirt, because when she wears them, it’s like carrying him with her wherever she goes. Ana wipes her tears with trembling fingers.

“Yes,” She answers belatedly. Despite the shuddering breath she takes, she feels like she can breathe better. “Ecstatic.”

“Did you know that little shit Rocket, stole my egg rolls and ate all four of them!” Natasha abruptly informs her. “Nearly threw hands with a raccoon.”

The sudden change from her vicious threatening voice to her pitiful grumble and the story itself, has Ana breaking out in laughter. It’s a liberating feeling, getting to laugh as brusquely as she did. Lessens the tightness in her chest a little more. She laughs for two minutes straight, Nat joining along with her.

“Thank you, Nat.” Ana whispers after they’ve calmed down.

“I swear if another apology follows that, I will punch a pregnant woman in the arm.” Though as she threatens this, Ana can see the coy smirk on her mouth.

Instead, Natasha reaches over, squeezing her hand. She tries not to feel all of Natasha’s anguish, but the little she does get, reminds her that she’s not alone in this aftermath. Ana returns the gesture with a harder grip.

“Now, fix the damn radio, would you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

*

The next two nights pulls Ana straight to sleep after she gets comfortable on her left side. She’s so tired the past 48 hours, that her mind finally shuts off, and she has dreamless nights. It doesn’t stop her waking up feeling guilty, like she missed the dreams on purpose; it brings the same agonizing ache as always.

It also never stops from calling out to her while she’s conscious. As if her soul is angry that she missed that dream world for two days. Something happens following lunch three days later, while everyone is gathered around the kitchen island.

Annie.

The soft whisper is like a trance caressing her body, a lovers call inside her mind, beckoning her back. Back to sleep, because she knows, without a doubt, she will end up in that world. The strange orange world, where the sky looks like the burning afterglow of raging fires. The odd world with wetless water, an unknown little girl, an ominous door.

There, in that place of illusion, does she hear his voice loud and clear. Calls her by her name, lifts his hand to gently fit his palm along the curve of her cheek. He’s there, always with that sad little smile. His eyes so incredibly blue, so tender, yearning as if he misses her.

In that world, is Bucky.

In that world, Ana can steal just a few moments feeling Bucky. Against her skin, in the air. His breath in her lungs, his beating heart in the empty cavity of her chest. For just five short seconds, begging for time to stretch, pleading for time to freeze, Ana has Bucky in her soul.

Annie.

Her sharp inhale brings her out of her own daze, dropping her face in her hands. She shakes her head, resisting the urge to just take a nap, allow herself to fall into that water once more. Sometimes, she wishes she could just sleep and not wake, to stay forever with Bucky in that world. Then maybe, maybe she could save him.

“Bucky,” Ana barely murmurs under her breath. Tears stinging behind her eyelids. “Bucky. I miss you. I miss you.”

She leans forward, until she rests her head on a solid surface, face now hidden in the crook of her arm. She right hand grips the edge, fingers clenching as she hears his voice in her head again. Her soul cries out for its missing half.

“Ana? Everything okay?”

She makes a noise, can’t tell if it’s a confirmation or not. Her chest feels like it’s tightening. The baby jabs a sharp kick, or a punch, aimed right at her ribs. It’s enough to jolt her back to reality, and she slowly pushes herself up straight. She meets the concerned gazes of six other people.

The lights of the compound are flickering again, the air heavy with dampening energy. Nebula is the closest to her, and carefully reaches over to uncurl Ana’s fingers from the death grip on the counter. Bits of granite and dust sprinkle to the floor, Nebula leans over the cracked spot. Ana gives her a curious look, then quickly meets the gaze of everyone else. She makes eye contact with both Steve and Natasha, keen green and blue eyes not fooled by the cover up.

“Are you feeling alright?” Carol questions, stepping closer. “Your energy levels seem to be spiking.”

“Y-yeah! Yes! I’m fine!” Ana quickly reassures. She inhales and exhales deeply, and the lights steady. “Uh…the baby. Yeah, the baby was just moving around a lot is all. I’m fine, feel fine. Honest.”

Natasha sighs, suddenly looking tired and leaning her hands on the counter. She shakes her head, then her and Steve share a look. A silent conversation. Steve nods once.

“Ana, I think it’s time to talk about something you’ve been trying to hide,” Natasha speaks calmly.

“I’m not hiding anything,” Ana denies. She’s usually better at lying than this. “I told you, pregnancy has thrown my energy off a little, that’s all.”

“Cut the bullshit, Ana!” Steve snaps coldly, eyes flashing.

Ana blinks in shock. Steve angry is…a little frightening. He doesn’t stand to be lied to. “Steve-“

“You have been getting stronger?” It’s a question but it sounds more like observation.

“I’ve gained my strength back now that I’ve been eating more-“

“Not what I am talking about.”

“You have to know, Ana,” Natasha urges, brows pinched together.

She stares at them for a second, then she gets up as quickly and carefully as she can. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Ana walks out of the kitchen, heading towards her room as fast as she can waddle. Her heart is pounding faster, her own panic about the developing situation coming to the surface. Of course, Ana has noticed herself getting stronger the further she gets into pregnancy. It’s not like the thought has never crossed her mind. She had just been too busy shutting her emotions off and trying to figure out that dream world and trying not to suffocate on ashes and heartbreak.

Of course, she’s noticed the dented fingers marks on wooden and metal surfaces, of the spidering cracks in the toilet bowl, the ripping of several maternity sweatpants as she tugged them up over her stomach. Of the broken pieces of plastic cups and one of the bottles of the elixir. Of course, she knew the bruises she left on a damn super soldier were from her.

Speaking of.

Steve follows her down the hallway, catching up rather quickly. “Ana! Ana, please. Look, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to snap at you, but you have to know. Maybe just get it checked out by Dr. Hammond, or another doctor, run some tests. I’m just worried how this could affect you and the baby.”

Ana halts when she’s in front of her door, rounding on Steve. “No! This doesn’t concern you, Steve!”

“I’m just looking out for your wellbeing!”

She grabs the handle of her door with frustration. “I don’t know why you suddenly seem to have an obligation to me, but-“

Ana stops talking the moment she forcefully pushes the door handle. She didn’t account for how much strength she used as she shoved. She stumbles forward, her arm going straight through the hole, holding the doorknob. It’s splintered with jagged edges from the broken wood. She stares wide-eyed at the shape of the hole, strangely looking like the broken piece would fit back in perfectly like a puzzle.

This is new. Ana slowly moves her gaze to Steve; who gawks at her. Shit.

Awkwardly, she gently tries replacing the section of wood she pushed off. It sticks, not fitting quite right, but she’ll just pretend it did happen, like everything else she had broken.

“Holy fuck,” Steve whispers, stunned.

Deciding to remain silent, considering there’s no way around it, Ana just watches Steve. She can see him mentally gathering the pieces in his head. She only makes it to the count of four as he figures it out.

“I fucking knew it. It is enhancing you.”

“Steve. Please don’t,” Ana pleads, her anxiety making her nerves burn.

“The serum transferred to you. Which means it transferred to-“

“No, no it didn’t!” She desperately disputes. “This is just a weird fluke thing. You know, Nebula accidentally pulled off an entire door last week.”

Steve shakes his head, eyes flashing with concern as he looks her over. “We need to take you to a doctor. Dr. Cho maybe, run tests to confirm it.”

White hot panic surges up her spine. Ana frantically shakes her head. This is exactly why she didn’t want anyone to know, why she didn’t give it much thought. Why she hid it. Drawing blood, conducting tests, being studied; all for the slight chance of her baby possibly having the super soldier serum in its genetic code.

“Absolutely not!” Ana states fervidly, fear rising up in her.

He frowns, expression serious. “Ana, this could be-“

“I know what it could be, Steve!” She yells. “I know exactly what this means!”

Ana places her hands protectively over her stomach. “It’s the serum! It was in Bu- in Bucky’s genetic code. In his DNA. Which means it’s more than likely is in the baby’s genetics! My baby is going to be enhanced, there’s no way it’s not. Bucky is a...was-“

She breaks off, voice shaky, her body trembling. She swallows thickly, knowing she must finally face the truth. She feels movement under her hands, as if the baby is confirming what she’s known since the beginning. All her senses becoming sharper; hearing more sensitive, eyesight slightly better.

“Bucky was enhanced,” Ana continues, voice as panicked as before.  “I’m-I’m enhanced. I don’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I can’t! If doctors or scientists found out, if anyone finds out that this is the child of the Winter Soldier and an Energy Alchemist!? Who the hell knows what exactly they would want to do with our baby!”

“Ana,” Steve looks torn, “We can keep it a secret. Find a trustworthy-“

“Fuck trustworthy, Steve!” She shouts, slicing her hand through the air. “No one is trustworthy! They’re still out there! Hydra, AIM, other organizations and groups just like them!”

“Hey, hey-“ He attempts to interrupt, to calm her down. It doesn’t work.

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY’s voice speaks up over them in warning.”

“I know!” He says to the AI.

Ana barely hears their exchange. Her breath begins to shorten, chest tightening. “Thanos didn’t fucking correct the universe like his fucked up brain thought! It didn’t snap away the evil people of the world. It made it easier for them! Hydra- Eric Woods kidnapped us just three year ago! If they knew. They’re still out there. If they find out-“

“That is not going to happen!” Steve promises vehemently, stepping closer.

“They- they can’t! Can’t find out. This is all I have left,” Ana begins to hyperventilate, cradling her stomach. “This is all I have left. This is all I have left.”

“Hey, honey, I’m sorry. Deep breathes, Ana,” Steve coaxes gently. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen.”

Ana is barely aware of her skin beginning to glow brighter. The walls started to tremble, the floor shakes. She feels a chaotic and static energy in the air. There’s a sharp tightening in her chest again and she needs…she needs her husband.

But Bucky isn’t here. Ana is not dreaming; she doesn’t see him. She doesn’t hear the faint haunting murmurs of her name. He’s not gently touching her cheek, gazing at her with those loving blue eyes. She doesn’t feel Bucky and that’s one of the worst things that has been carved out of her soul.

“Okay, okay, no doctors, Ana. I swear it,” Steve says carefully. “Just try breathe, Ana.”

Slowly, he reaches out to her. As if to comfort her, support her, remind her that she is not alone in this. When Steve’s fingers are inches from her skin, she can feel her powers reacting viciously. Ana takes a step back.

“I-I can’t!” She pants heavily. “It feels like. I wake up. Ashes. Dust. It’s- I wake up from ashes and it’s everywhere! Its-It’s in my lungs. My throat. It feels like I’m suffocating! I wake up and I’m suffocating.”

If she was aware enough, Ana could read his expression as broken, maybe a little helpless. Instead, Steve finally touches her. He doesn’t even get his fingers wrapped around her wrist, before he is abruptly, and harshly ricocheted backward.

His body is thrown halfway down the hall, slamming against the end of the wall. He hits it so hard, plaster and cement crack and rain pieces down on his limp form. Ana smacks her hand over her mouth. Light bulbs shatter, the air sizzles hotly, and she covers her head with her arm as bits of glass fall from the lights.

Despite the sight and groaning from Steve, Ana can’t seem to get a handle on her power, her energy, her emotions. It’s what lead to her outburst of power weeks prior. She isn’t wearing the rings Shuri gave her, has no other way of regulating herself. Quickly, she presses her hands to her chest, trying to regain her breathing, to focus, to control her emotions, her powers. Maybe she should turn off her emotions again. It’s better, safer for everyone, and herself.

Something grips her left shoulder, vice and grounding. Abruptly, Ana’s powers halt, then begins to settle. She gasps at the sudden feeling, but she doesn’t push it away, instead she grabs the hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

“I’m right here,” A soothing reminder. Carol’s voice. “You’re okay, you’re alright. I’m here.”

It’s the same feeling Ana had experience before with Carol’s own powers. As if they call out to her, like it wants to comfort her. Remind her that she really isn’t alone; not with this.

Her eyes sting as Ana tightly shuts them. Inhaling slowly, deeply, she nods. Her knees feel weak, her skin hot as she comes down, everything falling silent and settling around her. A sharp jab to the side of her stomach makes her wince; the baby protesting the rise and fall of the energy.

Ana snaps her eyes open, releasing Carol as she takes a shaky step forward. She feels the hands behind her hovering by her arms, a precaution in case she stumbles. Steve is taking his time getting up. A wave of guilt mixed with nausea curls through her.

“S-Steve?” Ana calls out with a trembling voice.

He attempts to push himself up, but his hand slips, and he presses his forehead to the debris covered floor. Ana moves closer. She doesn’t quite understand what happened. Her energy shouldn’t have knocked him back like that without the protective shield. In fact, twice it’s accepted Steve. Once in Wakanda, right after half of everyone vanished, and when he recklessly held her just weeks ago.

When she reaches him, now with Carol’s supporting hands on her arm, she carefully kneels placing a shaky hand on his back. Steve’s panting slightly, groaning low in his throat as he finally gets himself up on all fours. He tilts sideways, sitting back and slumping against the wall.

“Are you- did I hurt you?”

When Steve looks up to meet Ana’s gaze, her heart clenches. The emotion storming in his blue eyes roots her to the spot. His eyes are red, wet, tracks of tears staining his cheeks. The utter guilt, shame, and pain shinning in them renders Ana speechless.

“I’m sorry,” Steve croaks. Ana shakes her head, perplexed. “I’m so sorry, Ana.”

“No, I-“

“This isn’t on you,” He cuts her off, wincing as he straightens himself. “I failed you.”

Lifting his hand, he lays it gingerly on her shoulder. “I promise-I swear on my life. I will keep you and your baby safe. I…I couldn’t keep Bucky...I couldn’t bring him back to you. I broke that promise to you. I won’t break this one.”

Ana feels her face screw up with emotion. “Okay,” She exhales thickly, tears spilling from her eyes. “Okay.”

She drops her forehead to his shoulder, her own shaking as she cries. Through her tears, she listens closely, trying to decipher Steve’s breathing. His heart is slowly settling back to his version of a normal rate, and his breaths even out, no sign of broken ribs.

“Feeling alright?” Steve checks in a few minutes of them sitting there crying.

Sniffling, she wipes her nose on her sleeve and leans back. “Are you?”

“Just bruises, I think. Feeling exhausted, but I’m okay. Didn’t beat me up too bad. I’m actually a little proud.”

It makes Ana chuckle wetly, wiping more tears away.

“You guys okay?” Carol questions behind her. Ana hears the concern hidden in the coolness of her tone. “Didn’t rattle your brain too much, did she Rogers?”

“Nah, I can do this-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Ana cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “He’s got this annoyingly admiring habit of never staying down.”

A smile lights up Carol’s face as she extends a hand out for her. Ana takes it, allowing her new friend to lift her with her majority of her strength. When she looks behind Carol, Natasha is standing right there. There’s no anger or disappointment in her eyes, she just offers her a tiny smile then goes to help Steve up, brushing off rubble from his shirt.

“I,” Ana hesitates, soothing her hands over her belly as the baby wiggles around. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t had tried hiding this from either of you.” She addresses Natasha as well.

She carefully wraps her arms around Ana. “We shouldn’t have pushed. You know we love you. We’ve been nothing but worried about you. And this little one.” Natasha lends down to gently rub Ana’s belly. “Huh? Just being a strong little super soldier in there, aren’t you?”

The baby responds by kicking again. Ana sighs, the sensation it a little weird to her. She can’t help but crack a smile, despite hurting Steve.

“I’m not lying when I say I’m scared.” Ana tells them. She looks at Steve. “But, if you think it’s best I go see-“

“No,” He interrupts her. “How could I ever think I had the right to tell you what to do, to make a decision for you and your baby. It’s your choice, Ana. If you don’t want too, don’t. I’m sorry I pressured you. You have all the right not to trust anyone.”

“I trust you, you know, that right? I trust all of you here. I just don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve breathes heavily, and carefully wraps his arm around her.

Ana leans into him, exhausted and suddenly livid at herself for pushing him away for months. Angry that she pushed away people whom she considers family and ignoring their own pain in the process.

“I’m sorry if I’m still a little off,” Ana apologizes shyly. “Having to deal with my emotions again, feeling so much around me. It’s overwhelming.”

“Hey, don’t worry about any of it. We understood, and we still do.” Natasha says. “By the way, a very annoyed AI alerted me of your spiking vitals. I always found it a little creepy how emotional Tony makes his artificial intelligence. Just take it easy the rest of the night, yeah?”

Ana nods as Carol beckons for them to get out of the hallway. She helps them both along, guiding Ana carefully over shattered glass.

**

Hours later, after the hallway has been cleaned up, both Ana’s and the baby’s vitals checked thoroughly by FRIDAY and a call from Dr. Hammond, Steve finally knocks on Ana’s door. He figures it time to honestly talk to her, lay out his own fears. To truly apologize to her.

“Are you concussed?” Ana asks flatly. She’s propped up against her pillows, with two beneath her knees.

Steve smiles despite himself, making yet another connection between her and when Bucky was a teenager yanking him out of back alley fights. Closing the newly fixed door behind him, he comes to sit on the edge of the bed. He notices in her hands, one of the many journals belonging to Bucky, opened as her fingers trace the written words, like she’s tattooing them on her skin.

“Hard head, remember?” He quips, getting comfortable in his position.

Ana snorts and kicks at his propped up knee. Inhaling to calm his nerves, Steve decides it just best to get right to it, staring straight at those big brown eyes.

Ones that have always seen right through people. Ones that have hardened and burned cold the past several months. He swallows thickly. Her gaze pins him to his spot. The only person to ever make him feel like he’s being picked apart down to his soul has been Natasha, but Ana is a very close second. But then she blinks, the cold lessening as confusion settles in.

“You’re nervous. I can feel it.”

“Everything is my fault,” Steve confesses in a rush, keeping eye contact even though he wants to sink into the earth.

“What are you talking about?”

“There’s been uh, a few things I’ve been too afraid to tell you. To talk to you about.” He rubs his sweaty hands on his jeans. “You said you didn’t know why I have an obligation to care take of you. Well, I made a promise to you in Wakanda, remember. I also made one to Bucky.”

 Ana’s frown deepens but she remains silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

Wakanda, fifteen minutes before the battle of Thanos:

Steve had to tear his eyes away from Bucky and Ana’s goodbye, not from discomfort, but if he continued to watch he would have told Bucky to stay with her. He should have told Bucky to just stay with her, for them to protect each other, to help protect Shuri as she works on Vision.

He should tell Bucky now, to just go back where he belongs, right next to his wife. Steve watches Bucky with a keen eye as they ride towards the field; the wind blowing his long hair back from his face. Steve’s known Bucky his entire life. He knows every little sign of distress, anger, no matter how hard Bucky always tried to hide it from him. Only one other person knows Bucky just as much as Steve does- probably knows him even better by this point.

Bucky didn’t want to leave Ana; anyone could see that. Now, as Steve watches Bucky’s new vibranium hand fiddle with a loose thread on his pants, he knows it’s taking everything in his friend to stay on the hovercraft. Bucky’s hips keep shifting his weight side to side. His chest is rising is slow calculating movements, his jaw is clenching, he slowly closes his eyes. Steve swallows thickly. They should have never asked Bucky to join one more fight. He makes up his mind.

“Buck-“

“Steve,” Bucky interrupts what he was about to say. He opens his eyes, stares straight ahead. “If anything happens to me-“

“Don’t fucking talk like that.” Steve reprimands firmly, dread curling in his stomach.

Bucky meets his gaze, serious and, fearful. “We can’t kid ourselves here, pal. If- if anything happens to me-“ He swallows with his brows pinched together. “Can you…can you take care of her?”

“Bucky-“

“I need you to take care of Ana for me. Please. I need to know they will- she. I need to know she’ll be taken care of. Please Steve.”

The begging desperation in Bucky’s eyes nearly breaks his heart. For once, Steve bites back his disagreement and nods. “Of course, I’ll take care of her, Buck.”

A sudden heavy boot presses down atop of Steve’s foot. “Thank you.”

His whisper of gratitude is nearly lost in the sounds of them landing at their destination. They file off the aircraft, but Steve can’t stomach it anymore. He quickly turns to Bucky, who double checks the knives at his thigh holster, and grabs his gun from the crate.

“Go back, Buck. I mean it. Just go back to Ana.” Steve orders. He can hear how frantic he sounds. “You should be together.”

A bitter smile flashes across Bucky’s mouth. “With you til’ the end of line, Stevie.” He lifts his gaze from his gun, that same old mischief back in his eyes. “Plus, Ana’s safest where she is right now. It’s your dumb ass I gotta protect. Like always.”

From his right, Steve hears Natasha snort in humor. He shoots her a glare then shoves Bucky ahead of him, and just like that, they’re leading the march onto the battlefield. It feels way too reminiscent of their time in the Howling Commandos, marching into battle.

*

Silence follows as Steve finishes telling Ana that bit of information. Watches as she slowly smooths her hands over of her stomach, having put the journal aside. Her left hand pauses for a second, gently tapping her fingers over the spot, presses down, and continues on. Her wedding rings reflect like glitter off the lights as she moves. Steve frowns, curious. She’s been doing that a lot lately and he wonders how often the baby kicks, if it feels the same restlessness as its mother.

“Well, it was a pretty dumbass move when you went after Thanos with your bare fucking hands.” Ana says.

Steve makes a protesting noise. “Didn’t you do that same thing?”

“We’re talking about you here, not me. Plus, I had the shield activated.”

The little humor he hears in her voice makes Steve smiles just a little. At least some of her old self seems to be shining through the broken cracks.

“Of course, Bucky would ask you take care of me,” She whispers solemnly.

“Haven’t kept that promise to him though,” Steve mumbles. “He said “they” at the time, and I didn’t put it together until you told me. But I’ve been doing a shit job, to be honest.”

“To be honest,” Ana repeats his words with firmer tone. “That’s completely on me. I haven’t made this easy for anyone. I am so incredibly sorry again.”

Steve reaches out to grab her hand, giving her fingers a firm squeeze. “No one blames you for what you did. We understand, but your, what is it now? A hundredth apology is accepted.”

Ana offers him a small smile. It falls a second later. “Why do you think it’s all your fault?”

“Because I broke my promise to bring Bucky back to you. I broke my promise to both of you.” Steve lowers his gaze, taking his hand from hers. “If I just. Fuck. If I just defeated him, if I just had killed Thanos with every chance I got, then none of this would have happened. I would have brought Bucky back safe and sound and you wouldn’t be going through this alone. Vision would still be alive. Wanda wouldn’t have had to endure all that pain. Fuck, she was still so young. And Sam-“

Steve hears his voice crack and he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying desperately to hold back his tears. He didn’t come here to have a sob fest on her bed. A soft warm touch rests over his other hand, a gentle trickle beginning to ease his emotions.

“Steve,” Ana speaks so softly.

He slowly pulls his hand from her touch. Finally looking up, he shakes his head. “I don’t need you to do that. You don’t need to change use your ability for me. Don’t exert yourself.”

“But you feel so sad,” She tells him. Steve nods in a mute confession. “You haven’t spoken to anyone about this have you?”

He shakes his head again.

“Then talk to me if you won’t allow me to help you.”

He huffs his exhales, giving her a look. “Have you talked to anyone about how you feel?” Steve challenges, not unkindly.

“No, but what do you think this? Just get it all out. Talk to me.”

This was not what he came here for. He just wanted to wallow in his own self-deprecating pity. To confess to Ana that he had failed her, he failed the universe. The crushing weight of that brings him down in a pit of darkness each night, drowns him in his own horrible nightmares. Watches helplessly as all his friends fall to the ground in piles of ash.

Steve came to Ana, with some oddly placed masochism and a small bit of hope that she would lash out at him again because he deserves it. He deserves her avoiding his eyes. Deserves to nearly have his own life drained from his body, to have her powers injure him as he’s thrown against solid concrete. To have any ounce of her hate, anger, placed all on him.

But the way Ana sits patiently, kindly and not shouting cruses or damnation to him. The way she just tried calming him, helping him, is exactly who is she. Despite the months of shutting off her own emotions. A small piece of herself is still there, if broken and haunted, but there.

It causes Steve to finally break.

“I’m angry!” He spits out, clutching at the sheets. “I am so fucking angry at myself! I could have made Bucky stay with you. I could have saved him.” Steve releases a bitter laugh. “I guess that’s my track record though isn’t it? I could never save Bucky. Not from that damn train, not from fucking Hydra, not from Zemo’s revenge, not from being stolen away from you.

“You know, I thought when I was first got the serum, that I would finally be able to protect the people I love most, to protect my family. What a load of bullshit! I still lost him. I had to watch him die, again. You had to watch Bucky die and I still couldn’t protect him. I couldn’t protect you from losing him. I couldn’t protect my family, my friends, the goddamn world! I couldn’t save anyone from Thanos.”

Tears are freely falling down Steve’s cheeks, tracing into his lips and soaking into his jeans. He licks the saltiness from his lips, taking in a trembling breath. He sniffs hard, shaking his head again.

“I failed. I failed everyone. I failed Tony-“

“Steve-“ Ana attempts to dispute his statement, but he doesn’t allow her.

He continues without giving her an ounce of room to speak. “I did. I betrayed him. He’s right, maybe if we fought together, we could have defeated Thanos. That’s on me. I failed. And I failed Bucky again, time and time again and because of it. I failed you too.”

“That night, when you broke down, I felt every single emotion you had. All your anguish, your loneliness, your pain, your heartbreak. You felt empty. It was crippling, suffocating. That’s not something you should have to deal with or feel by yourself, Ana. None of this is your fault. You didn’t fail. Just put it all on me instead. I deserve that.”

 “Hey, stop!”

Steve abruptly scoots forward and quickly grabs her right hand, pressing his solidly against his chest. He ignores her startled, somewhat fearful look. He feels an electric spark shock his chest as her skin glows for a fleeting moment. It fades when she clearly doesn’t feel threatened anymore. If Ana had blasted him back again, he would have welcomed it.

“You shut off your emotions, Ana. There’s a part of me that wonders if it made it easier to shut me out too. Do you hate me because I failed you? Because I failed the entire universe? I’m fucking Captain America, who let the world turn to dust. I want you to hate me, Ana. I want you to lash out at me.”

Ana yanks her hand back, then promptly slaps him across the face.

Steve blinks twice, stunned. His cheek stings and he tastes copper on his tongue for biting the inside of his cheek. His head clears a little, and he thinks yeah, he probably deserved that. When he gathers himself to meet her gaze, there’s fury in her eyes. Something he hasn’t seen in Ana for so long.

“I nearly killed you, Steve!” She hisses at him, shaking out her hand once. “I wasn’t trying to share my pain with anyone else. You just happened to be there, and I almost stole your life energy. You’re the only self-sacrificing idiot that runs headfirst to hold onto to a Life Drainer. How the fuck is that making good on your promise to Bucky to take care of me, if you aren’t even alive!?”

Guilt floods through his veins as Steve realizes she’s right, and he got way into his head just then. Didn’t articulate properly what he was trying to say. He drops his head in shame as she continues to talk.

“I’m sorry I slapped you,” She apologies, but her voice still has a hint of aggravation. “But goddamnit, Rogers. You punishing yourself for thinking you’re the only one who failed? For breaking promises? You aren’t the only one who thinks they failed people, Steven. As for your promise.”

Steve lifts his head, tentatively meeting her gaze. Her eyes are watery, tears brimming along her lower eyelids. She’s stroking her arms over her stomach again, one after the other, blowing out a shaky breath as her tears fall over. Steve feels even worse, having made her distressed yet again.

“I didn’t make it easy for anyone, especially you. I wasn’t thinking of the repercussions of what shutting of my emotions would do. I couldn’t handle it, Steve. I couldn’t handle it at all and I felt like if I didn’t do something about it, then-“ Ana breaks off, shrugging. She hastily wipes her tears away. “I am so, so deeply and incredibly sorry. I should have never-“

Steve carefully takes hold of her wrist. “Hey, no honey, none of that anymore. You needed to protect yourself and your baby first. I understand why you did. I just didn’t know how to help you, and I still don’t. I didn’t mean to stress you out more. I shouldn’t have said what I did, ask you to do something you would never do in the first place.”

“Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY interrupts their conversation abruptly. The AI doesn’t sound happy with him. “I suggest you leave Mrs. Barnes alone for the rest of the night. Her vitals hint at distress that I’m afraid you have caused. Twice now.”

Shit. He definitely did not come here with those intentions, and Steve can’t seem to stop fucking up tonight.

“No, FRIDAY, it’s fine!” Ana quickly reassures her. “I’ll do my breathing exercises. I feel fine.”

There’s a pause. “As you wish, Mrs. Barnes. You have four vials left of the elixir if you decided to drink one now, it wouldn’t hurt to do so as you didn’t take one three hours prior. However, Captain, if you continue to upset her or her baby, I will activate the electric security protocol.”

Steve glares at Ana as she snorts her laughter behind her fist as she takes out a bottle. “I understand.” He tells the AI. “I assume Pepper added that last part?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Another Pause. “It was not Pepper.”

FRIDAY goes silent as Ana downs the elixir with wide shocked eyes. Steve shoves his hand through his hair, blowing out a sigh. He stays quiet as he watches Ana calm herself down with the breathing exercises. He waits about five minutes until she finally opens her eyes and flashes him a small smile. He can hear the steady, relaxed beats of each heart rate and relaxes himself.

“This is definitely hypocritical for me to say,” Ana begins, wincing as she touches her stomach. “But you can’t keep that all locked inside. Exhibit A.” She gestures to herself.

“I know,” He huffs out heavily. “Nat and I talked sometimes, drank mostly, but we didn’t talk it about enough. I just, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to help you or anyone else for that matter.”

“But you are you helping yourself?”

“You’re right, you are being a little hypocritical, Barnes.”

In a rare sight of true Ana fashion, she flicks him off, then shrugs. “I’m trying to now. For the sake of this little bean.”

Sorrow weighs heavily in his bones. “You know if I could bring him back. If I had an ounce of an idea to do so-“

“I know, I know. I do.” She sighs tiredly, leaning further back, her eyes suddenly exhausted. “It’s going to take a long time to process this. For everyone. And yeah. I miss him so fucking much, Steve, it hurts to even breathe. But, I don’t think you failed me. I don’t think anyone thinks you failed them.”

Steve wants to believe her so much, but he’s always going to feel his guilt for failing her and Bucky specifically. “I still think I did.” He mutters bitterly.

“Yeah well,” Ana sniffs, wiping her sleeve over her eyes and nose. “As Rocket as said, there’s a lot of that going around, huh? I think we’re all just wallowing in our own personal feelings of self-failure.”

Steve suddenly thinks of Thor, and how he took off in the middle of the night, now word or warning. His heart aches. “I guess so. Little guy seems to have taken a liking to you though. Not as many sarcastic comments.”

Smiling as if she’s proud, she says, “It’s only because I let him clean Bucky’s gun.”

He doubts that. Secretly he thinks Ana may remind Rocket of someone he lost. “Listen. It’s getting late and I stressed you out enough with my emotional turmoil. I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“I literally threw you into a wall earlier, then bitch slapped you, so, we’re even.” She tells him as Steve helps her shimming around, adjusting pillows and pulling the covers down.

“Deal.” He agrees with a small chuckle. He rubs the top of her head, slightly musing up her hair. She glares at him. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You and the baby? I’m sorry about-“

“So many apologizes. Yes, I swear. We feel good. Just tired, is all.” Ana insists.

Steve nods, makes sure she’s as comfortable as can be before he makes his way to leave. Ana calling his name one more time turns him around. She looks inches away from sleep, her stomach supported by one of the thicker pillows, and she has what he knows to be Bucky’s pillow clutched to her chest.

“Thank you.” Ana murmurs.

“For what?” He questions, confused.

“For still looking after me. For being there.”

She doesn’t explain further as her eyes flutter shut. Steve however, as he gives her a smile she can’t see, knows exactly what Ana is thanking him for. His talk may not have gone the way he planned, and he still feels like there much more to converse, but Steve thinks they made some progress. He leans back against the door for a few moments, head tilted back as he stares up at the ceiling and the broken light bulbs.

“I’ll keep my promise to you, Buck.” Steve says quietly to the ceiling.

Once more, he recalls Bucky’s little slip up. “Please. I need to know they will-she.”

Bucky was asking Steve to take care of Ana, and their child.

“I swear, pal. They will both be taken care of.”

****************************************************************

A/N: This was a monster to write. Thank you for sticking with me. This story is definitely going to pick up pace in the next chapter and on. Please stay healthy and safe and inside. Don’t forget to wash your hands, especially after coughing or sneezing and stop hoarding the toilet paper!

Drabbles: Twenty-Two     Drabbles: Twenty-Four

Tags:  @thecreatiivecorner​​ @buckyland​​ @stressedasalways​​ @watchoutforfrostbite​​ @justreadingfics​​ @keldachick​​ @eurynome827​​ @elatedmarvel​​ @shesalatesh​​ @paintedgreywriting​​ @boney-and-skinny​​ @buckaroo-blue​ @afewmarvelousthoughts​ @crushedbyhyperbole​ @shesalatesh​

[wonderlandmind4]

Preview snippet: Drabbles 29

BEFORE YOU THINK IT’S AN UPDATE ITS NOT I’M SORRY

Hi everyone still waiting patiently...or impatiently, to read the next chapter of the Delicate Stages Drabble (it’s a series but i like irony in the fact that I can’t make anything short or a drabble)

I want you all to know that I am very sloooooowly working on the next chapter. Tonight I said to myself, I said “Self, lets write and work on putting the chapter together”  and myself did try...but I’ve been so stressed and emotional that I didn’t do much.

HOWEVER, I decide to leave a little preview for you lovely readers who are still holding on to the next update.

Thank you for your kindness and patient as always. My plan is to finish this fic before the end of the year. <3

Delicate Stages of Life: Chapter 29 PREVIEW:

(This scene takes place after the 1943 time jump from the pervious chapter)

...But he’s right. They don’t have time to sit and wallow, not now; Ana wallowing for three years was enough. So, she grabs the cap to the whiskey, screwing it back on with a quick spin. She releases Steve’s hand, stretching as she stands. With the near empty bottle of whiskey in one hand, she offers her free one to Steve once more.

“You’re right,” Ana states, a fire of determination lit within her heart. “We can talk through the trauma after this is over. For now, in the words of our beautiful and resilient Wanda, it’s time to get off my ass.”

The smile that breaks across Steve’s lips is a welcomed sight. His blue eyes burn with that trait of never say die, never backing down, and the energy that radiates from his heart prickles at her fingers. Steve grabs her hand and stands with her help, squeezing her knuckles before he lets go. 

Ana traces Bucky’s full name on the dog tag once more before placing the necklace over her head, tucking it safely beneath her shirt where it lays against her heart. “Let’s go see if Tony needs help before Alex wakes from her nap and decides one of the stones is pretty enough to eat.”

*****

I’ll probably delete this when the chapter is up. Hope this gets you a little sad, excited for the next chapter.

tags:

@thecreatiivecorner @buckyland @stressedasalways @watchoutforfrostbite @justreadingfics @keldachick @eurynome827 @elatedmarvel @shesalatesh @paintedgreywriting @buckaroo-blue @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin @crushedbyhyperbole @jaxthebookworm @gamorazenn @happinessisaloadedgun @je-suis-prest-rachel @thiccstuxky

[wonderlandmind4]

Delicate Stages of Life: 27

Time Heist 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC Ana Rios

Summary: Life in Wakanda is filled with love, laughs, some tears, all emotions, lazy days, goats, hot springs, a soul connection, and something dark that looms over Bucky’s and Ana’s domestic bliss…

Warnings: Language. Angst. 

Words: 8005 k

A/N: (Do not read unless you’ve read Delicate Stages first) beautiful moodboard by @afewmarvelousthoughts​​​ and thank you for all your help and tears and yelling at me. (gif not mine) Sorry for the wait!

Fingers glide over a slick flat surface, ripples cascading outward. Eyes flutter open, vision filled with the hue of a dusty orange haze; a setting sun. Slowly, Ana sits up, hands stroking through the water that never dampens her skin. Pushing herself up, she turns, immediately spotting the little girl. As she walks towards her, footsteps silent in the pond, the girl meets her gaze. She doesn’t speak, just takes a step sideways, placing her small hands against her own chest. Curiosity propels Ana forward, moving closer to the girl, searching her brain to recall her name.

“Gamora,” Ana speaks with a hushed tone. 

She stretches out her hand for the child to take. Ana has so many questions to ask her, sitting on the tip of her tongue. Gamora shakes her head, a rueful tilt to her mouth, eyes glossy. She keeps her hands over her chest, a faint glow emitting between her fingers.

“How can I help you?” Ana begs. What was her purpose of being here? Of her constantly waking up in the same spot, in the same world, for years now? “I want to help you.”

“You’re not here for me,” She whispers ominously.

Eyebrows knit together. “What do you mean?”

The child’s tiny smile falls from her lips. She moves one hand to press against the door behind her, holds out the other for Ana. When their fingers connect, a rush shoots through Ana’s body, suddenly she’s standing on the other side of the door. She blinks, the sensation rolling through her chest when she touched Gamora remains as she stares ahead.

Bucky, as in every dream, stands before her, the same little grin on his lips. “Annie.”

Ana immediately goes to him, her hands hovering over his face. She refrains from touching him just yet, not sure if he’ll fade away the second she does. The only time they were able to solidly feel each other was the night their daughter was born; she hasn’t been able to touch him since. She hasn’t been back in this world for months.

“Bucky,” His name spills on a choked sob, relief warming her body at the sight of his beautiful face. “Hi.”

Bucky raises his hand, barely brushing his fingers through her hair, light enough to send a shiver down her spine. Her heart sings with the ghost of his touch.

“I wish I could stay here with you,” Ana mumbles, copying his own gesture, her fingers grazing over his beard, hovering down to his chest. “I wish I could feel you.”

A solemn smile crooks his mouth. “I’m always with you. With Alex. She is so beautiful, Ana.”

Bucky saying their daughter’s name fills a part of her soul. It’s the same sensation she had when she first held their baby girl. Ana can’t resist any longer, pressing her hand firmly against his chest. She longs for him. She needs him, just needs to feel his body beneath her palm, if only briefly. Bucky tilts his head down, forehead resting against hers.

“I love you,” Ana weeps softly, beginning to feel him dematerialize. 

Bucky cups her cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears staining her face. “Just because I’m not here, doesn’t mean my love for you has faded.”

She grips his vest desperately, praying, yearning to keep him together in front of her. With every passing second, his fingers become lighter, feathers dancing over her skin, her hand sinking into his chest. Ana quickly grabs his right wrist, turning her face to kiss his palm, dust settling on her tongue, grains caught in the imprints of her lips.

“Be careful, Annie Doll.” Bucky’s warning echoes distantly. His form dematerializing into the air. 

She can’t question what he means, too focused on attempting to breathe as ash fills her lungs. Bucky’s hand crumbles away. Her soul once again ripped from her body as her hand closes around nothing.

Waking with a shuddering gasp, Ana jerks upward, gripping the nearest thing with one hand, clutching at her chest with the other. Awareness comes quickly; her lashes and cheeks are wet, chest heaving, her fingers dig into the textured fabric of the couch. She takes her hand away before she can burn through another piece of furniture. Calming herself, she wipes her face dry, taking several deep breaths.

“Ana?” A concerned Steve hovers over her. His solid grip on her shoulder grounding her. “You alright? You with us?”

It takes her a second to answer him with a jerky nod. Keenly aware of all electronics flickering and buzzing around her, energy stinging her skin, she presses her hand to her chest, ceasing her powers. The air weighs heavily with loss, anxious anticipation, the fragile underline of hope. Emotional energy radiates from every person in the room. Tony doesn’t take his eyes off of her, brows furrowed, his eyes intensely attentive. 

“I-I-” She stutters through pants.

“Sad mama?” Alex’s little voice pipes up, a question she’s been asking much too frequently. As if the toddler can sense the emotions around her. She’s sliding off Natasha’s lap, hurrying over to Ana. “Don’t be sad.”

Gathering her daughter into her own lap, Ana gently reassures her, hugging her close, reveling in the feeling of serenity only her daughter can give. Alex seems to accept this, lounging back against her chest and fiddling with her wedding rings. Ana lifts her gaze to Steve’s, his own keen on her every expression.

“This has to work,” She stresses, not caring of the desperation in her tone. “It has too.”

Steve leans forward, eyes intense on hers. “It will.” Then his jaw shifts, muscles clenching. “Because I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t. But it will work.” He puts enough conviction in his voice to make Ana want to believe him. Believe in the possibility. 

“Well,” Bruce chirps after a stretch of heavy silence. He claps his large hands together, the sound echoing through the living room. Alex startles slightly. “Let’s get started then!”

All but Ana exit the living room. Hiding her face in her daughter’s hair briefly, another hand squeezes her shoulder firmly. When she lifts her head, Tony peers down at her, silent question in his dark eyes. Ana reaches up to pat the back of his hand, reassuring him.

*

While Tony tinkers with making Quantum suits and Bruce and Scott pour over their research notes on anything to do with Quantum Physics, Ana heads to the hangar several floors up. Alex skips happily behind her, softly singing Bucky’s lullaby.

“Are you sure you don’t want someone going with you? Steve at least?” Ana frowns once she’s sitting in the pilots seat of the Quinjet. She notices her daughter reaching for something on the control board. “Jamie Alexandra, what did I say about touching that?”

Alex snatches her hand back, sending her mother a cheesy smile, widening her blue eyes. God, she looks so much like Bucky when Ana would catch him eating out of the Nutella jar. Natasha locks her bag in a cupboard, then fondly ruffles the toddler's hair.

“This is something I have to do myself,” She replies, voice resigned. “I’m the only one who has any chance of convincing him.”

“Just...be careful.”

They lock eyes. Ana isn’t talking about Natasha protecting herself from physical harm, rather than protecting her heart and what she may find. Ana sees recognition dawn in her eyes. She dips her head in response. 

“He’s never judged me on my worst mistakes...or non mistakes. I’m not one to judge him either. He gave me a chance despite my past, this is his.”

Pushing her hand through her hair, Ana sighs, accepting her answer. “Let me know when you get back home. If it’s really bad, I can try to help.”

“Thanks, I will.” Natasha turns to Alex, picking her up from the copilot seat. “You little miss monster, stay out of trouble.” She pokes her belly making the little girl laugh.

“I go too?” Alex asks with her innocent voice.

“Next time,” Natasha promises, kissing her cheek. 

*

Following Natasha’s departure, the week brings moments Ana wasn’t quite prepared for. Though watching Alex run around in the grass, squealing and laughing as she chases after Nebula just minutes after she lands, fills her heart with joy. Rhodey and Tony have their own little reunion as Ana hangs back, relishing in a rare content moment.

Natasha successfully arrives back three days later with Clint in tow. Darkened, angry energy thickens the air, the sensation shoots through Ana’s bones the second she walks in the living room. It makes her knees weak, nearly giving out beneath her and when she meets Clint’s gaze, he dips his head in shame. When she recovers, Ana offers her help with the lift of her hands. The emotions rolling off him stings her fingertips.

“I don’t deserve your help,” Clint mutters brokenly.

“That’s what Bucky told me once,” Ana counters softly. 

“That was different.”

“Is it?” 

Clint huffs. “Don’t need to waste your powers on me, Feisty Cuffs.”

The old nickname makes her crack a smile. “Fine, will you allow a hug then?”

He relents. It results in Ana attempting to at least calm him, which makes him scoff before he playfully pushes her back onto the couch. When Clint officially meets Alex, his mood lifts significantly. When the little curious toddler begins to trace her fingers over the tattoos covering his entire left arm, Clint’s eyes soften with an all too familiar haunted gaze Ana recognizes.

Just one day later brings Bruce and Rocket back with Thor. His aura is worse than Clint’s, worse than anyone Ana has ever worked with; including Bucky. The god’s chaotic storm of energy and emotions leaves her breathless, overcomes her, and she frantically grabs Steve’s shirt to keep her upright as she falls. He’s quick to catch her, quick to take her from the room as she gasps.

Only an hour passes before she tries again with her rings on, greeting Thor with a spontaneous hug. He smells of sweat and stale beer, his long stringy hair and beard are unkempt, but Ana hugs him as tight as she can. When she pulls back, she cups her hands along his cheeks. His eyes- one blue, one gold- fill with tears, every ounce of his aura black, broken, guilt-ridden. Ana tentatively uses her ability, a slow morph of transmutation.

“They hate me,” Thor mumbles nearly inaudible. Ana is inches away from him and she has to strain her ears.

She offers him a gentle smile. “No one hates you, Thor.”

“You hate me.”

“Never.”

His bottom lip trembles before he tilts forward, face pressed against her shoulder. Ana hugs him like she did Clint, patting his back. A giggle echoes down the hallway, Alex appearing seconds later with Tony, her bunny clutched in her little hands. Smiling, Ana taps Thor harder.

“Would you like to meet my daughter?”

Without fail, Alex brightens Thor’s face with a genuine grin. She introduces her BunBun to him, chattering away and asking to braid his hair like her mama does with hers. Ana swells with adoration and pride, realizing that anyone who has the honor of being in her daughter’s presence always seems to cheer up, their energies turn lighter whether they’re sad or not. Vaguely she wonders if it’s just Alex and her cute happy demeanor, or if she had passed some of her own powers down to her child.

When Thor pretends to fall back from a fake self-inflicted punch from the bunny, Alex laughs uncontrollably, little crinkles forming by her bright blue eyes. Ana doesn’t focus on the possibility of what her daughter may have inherited from her or Bucky, just enjoys the sight of her little girl doing more for this makeshift family than she will ever know.

*

Tony, Rocket, Nebula and Bruce work tirelessly on building a Quantum Tunnel during the next few days. It’s a time machine and Ana insists on calling it an advanced dolorian much to Tony’s annoyance and Steve’s amusement. Halfway through the building process, Alex wonders in, her childish curiosity taking over as she plops down right next to Tony. Ana finally catches up with her daughter, halting in her steps.

Tony hands Alex a wrench, helping the little girl lift the heavy tool. He proceeds to teach her how to tighten a few bolts, chatting with her as if she’s a grown adult, the toddler nodding along as if she understands. Steve watches the scene a few feet in front of him, meeting Ana’s gaze before he makes his way over to her.

“Ya know, Bucky loved science and technology,” Steve states, a distant gleam in his blue eyes. He suddenly chuckles. “He was kind of a nerd.”

A pang clenches through her heart, but Ana chooses to make this moment a happy one. “Yes he was,” She laughs. “It’s one of the main reasons he loved living in Wakanda.”

“She’s smart, Alex is. Really smart for her age.”

“I think she has more Bucky in her than me.”

Steve must pick up on the slight waver in her tone, for he wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders. “You ready for this?”

Sighing, Ana briefly rests her head against his chest. “I’m trying really hard not to get my hopes up, but yes. I am so ready for this.”

*

Clint offers to be the time traveling guinea pig after Scott nearly panics about doing it himself. The test run goes smoothly and the utter disbelief yet joyous expression on Clint’s face leaves every single one of them more optimistic than before. Ana feels the collective energy pick up, the grueling heartbreak, guilt, loneliness, the darkness that had a gravity which weighed them down is beginning to dissipate. It’s fragile, hope is fragile and one wrong move could snatch it all away, destroying any chance of bringing their loved ones back.

It’s what brings on a six hour brainstorming session the next day. Ana sits back against the wall of the conference room after she put Alex down for a nap. Being one of the only people, besides Scott, not to have some encounter with any of the stones, she decides to stay out of the conversation. Bruce reminds them of the limited Pym particles and how crucial each roundtrip is.

Nebula makes brief eye contact with her. Ana frowns at the meaningful look, until she abruptly remembers her fingers grazing over one of the stones on that damn gauntlet. Shaking her head subtly, Nebula looks away, focusing on Thor’s sorrowful rambling about the Reality Stone, or the Aether as Steve called it.

Tuning them out, Ana bites her lip, nervously tracing her collarbones with her fingers. She still has trouble recalling which stone she touched, if she did in fact touch it at all. Maybe it was her imagination and she has just been trying to justify where her dreams are coming from. 

After Thor’s wobbly retelling of the Aether, and Rocket’s entire story of the Power stone on Morag and how he and the Guardians saved the galaxy from potentially being destroyed, Ana offers to order lunch. Really, she just needed a break from the stories and her own jumbled thoughts.

Once they finish eating, FRIDAY alerts Ana of a stirring toddler beginning to wake, when Nebula states her knowledge of the Soul stone. She mentions the planet named Vormir, just as Ana pushes herself off the chair she was lounging in.

“What is Vormir?” Natasha inquires, writing furiously in the notebook she hasn’t put down since they started.

“A dominion death,” Nebula answers ominously. “At the very center of celestial existence...it’s where Thanos murdered my sister, Gamora.”

Ana freezes midstep. That name, why does that name sound so familiar? A brief image of a little girl with beautiful green skin and markings around her cheeks abruptly flashes through her mind. Gamora. Gamora . Slowly she turns, facing Nebula. 

“What?” Her voice comes out hushed. Nebula has never mentioned her sister before by name. “What was her name?”

“Gamora.”

“Oh my god,” Ana exhales, reaching out to grab the door frame for support. “Oh, my god, holy fuck.”

“What? What is it?” Clint sits up, eyes darting between the two women. “Did you know her?”

She fish mouths several times, trying to make sense of the connection she just put together. It couldn’t be. How is that possible? Ana shakes her head in disbelief, remembering that horrid day in Wakanda once more.

“My-my dreams…” Ana begins breathlessly, her heart racing. “I-I touched a stone. Nebula, the stone I touched...I think it was- oh my god . I think it was the Soul Stone.”

Nebulas tenses. “Are you positive it was-”

“Wait,” Steve interrupts. “You touched a stone!? When did you touch a stone?”

Ana glances at him. “In Wakanda...after you got hit. I tried attacking Thanos. I tried pulling his life energy out but he was about to use the stones on me. I-I grabbed the gauntlet, attempted to take the energy from the stones instead and my hand slipped. I stole energy from the Soul Stone !”

“Pause, think about this,” Tony cuts in, rubbing his temple. “How can you be sure?”

“My dreams!” Ana explains exasperated. Tony raises his eyebrows, confusion coloring his face. Right, he doesn’t know about her dreams. She sighs heavily, moving to sit in the same chair again.

“I’ve been having these dreams for the past three years,” She informs him. “They’re not normal dreams, it feels real, always feels so real, as if I’m actually there. Usually it’s the same with an orange sky, like a sunset. I wake up in a pond of water but I’m never wet. I always see this little girl before I-” Ana clears her throat, pressing her hand to her chest. “Before I see Bucky. I see him every time and every time I try to touch him he just...he fades into ash.”

Ana’s hands are trembling and she’s grateful she’s sitting down, for her legs feel like jello. “But, I see this little girl, this child right before then. I kept asking who she was, where we were. All she told me was that she was trapped. Until the night Alex was born.”

“You nearly died,” Natasha whispers, eyes wide as she remembers. “Your heart stopped.”

“I think that’s when it happened,” Ana continues. “When I passed out, I was back in that world. Like I was physically there! I spoke with her again, she said her name was Gamora. And Bucky. I- I could touch him. I was able to touch him without him instantly crumbling. That hadn’t happened before. He told me-”

She tilts her head, mind falling back into the memory, the feel of Bucky’s cool touch lingering on her cheek. The warmth of his lips pressing against hers. She shakes her head. “He told me it wasn’t my world, and he knew Alex was a girl before I did. I touched Gamora, I touched Bucky. He knew...they both knew.”

Blinking herself back, Ana meets Nebula’s shocked face. “Oh, my god, it’s real. That place, that world. It’s real. I think it’s some sort of Soul World. Call me fucking crazy, but I think maybe their souls are trapped .”

“You’re right,” Rocket pipes up after a long stretch of stunned silence. “It does sound fucking crazy. But, not impossible?”

“I’m with build-a-bear on this one,” Tony inputs. He’s been staring intently at her since she started talking. “You have to be absolutely sure about this, kid.”

“I am, Tony! Hear me out,” Ana urges. “Before Bucky and I got married, I connected our energies. Basically, I connected our soul energies. I touched the Soul stone, which I’m assuming I contracted some amount of that energy as well. Nebula, you said Thanos-

“He killed my sister there.”

She dips her head in sympathy for Nebula. “It makes sense...her soul being trapped within it. It makes sense why I keep seeing Bucky there, because to do what he did, Thanos would need to take away souls as well with the stone. Every stone had its own purpose.”

“Call me crazy too, but what you’re saying makes sense,” Clint shrugs. He looks up at Steve, who nods in confirmation.

“So, what does it all mean?” Scott questions, scratching his head.

“Mrs. Barnes,” FRIDAY’s voice cuts through the room. “Your daughter is now wide awake. As I have sensed the importance of your meeting, I have opted to play her favorite movie for now. She is currently content to view it safely on your bed.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY, I’ll be right there,” Ana responds, rubbing her eyes. She stands up, steadying herself to make sure her legs have stopped shaking. “It means, Scott, I think you’re right about this time heist. I think this might actually, truly work. Their souls are trapped and if we can reserve it-”

“You can’t just bring a body back, it’s soul needs to be brought back too,” Bruce adds on, excitement in his voice.

“Exactly! I hope...but yes,” Ana says. “We can talk about this later. I have to get Alex before she decides to get into the nutella jar by herself.”

Ana makes it to her room before she allows herself a moment to breathe. Resting her forehead against her door, she counts her breathing, attempting to settle her heart, attempting to tamper down her building hope. Because if she hopes too much and reversing what Thanos did doesn’t work, it will crush her. She doesn’t think she’ll survive a second round of failure.

*

The brainstorming session finally comes to an end, everyone exhausted by dinner time. Too tired to cook, Tony orders pizza. Alex is giggling uncontrollably as she tries stealing one of Thor’s pieces while he dramatically catches her doing it. Ana has barely touched her food, her mind reeling over the revelation she had earlier. 

Had she been dreaming of a Soul World this whole time? Was that what the door was for? The entrance of said world, but then why was Gamroa not on the other side? Did Ana truly die for a few moments the night of her daughter’s birth? Had she entered that world, and that’s why she could physically touch Bucky? Was that why Bucky was so adamant about her leaving?

“I fear you may be here permanently if you don’t leave soon.”

Did he mean the longer she stayed, the closer to death she really was? Her soul has been reaching out to his for the past three years. Bucky had been calling her name from that world for three years. Bucky’s soul has been watching over her from that world.

“You upset about my choice of pizza? I’m offended.” Tony’s voice pulls Ana out of her head. He sits next to her, purposely pressing the side of his body to hers. 

“Hmm?”

“You haven’t touched your food.”

“Oh. I’m not very hungry,” She shrugs.

Tony appraises her, peering over the top of his glasses. “You’ve always been more powerful than you let on.”

“Pulling energy from an Infinity Stone doesn’t mean I’m powerful to begin with.”

“The fact that you were able to touch a stone without it killing you says the opposite. But I was talking about soul connecting.”

Picking the label off her beer bottle, Ana shrugs. “Bucky and I were connected long before that.”

“You’re downplaying your abilities, you have been for years, Ana. You don’t think I kept tabs on your energy readings since your brother’s funeral? The power knocked out within a ten mile radius. FRIDAY alerted me three years ago of an incident, your readings were off the charts, nearly reaching Thor’s level. Scarred the lawn I see.”

A sickening curl wraps around her stomach at the mention of her brother. Ana pushes her plate away further. Tony keeping up on her ability levels wasn’t a secret, the fact that he knew about her outburst was though; Pepper or Steve must have told him how it happened. Tearing off the beer label, she crumbles it, dropping it on the table.

“I don’t believe that,” Ana scoffs. She takes a long swig of her beer just to avoid the intensity in his eyes.

Tony hums, picking up her discarding pizza. “Regardless, I think you always had connections with soul energy, being an Empathic Energy Alchemist and all. Touching an Infinity Stone amped it up by thousands, connected you to a world on a different existential plane. It’s solid proof, and I gotta tell you, hearing that makes me feel better.”

“What?” She blinks at him as he takes a big bite. “Tony-”

He holds a finger up while he finishes chewing. Ana glares until he’s done, then steals her beer to take a drink. “I know the time heist will work, your confession only solidified it.”

“Glad to be a help, I guess.” She deadpans, snatching the bottle back.

His expression abruptly turns serious, lowering his head closer to hers. “You listen to me, kid. I know exactly how powerful you are. I’ve known you for 14 years. I know, I’ve seen how deeply emotions and energy affects you, it either debilitates you or you dangerously absorb it. When this happens, if this works and we bring everyone we lost back, it will affect you. I need you to be prepared. I need you to be ready to feel the world. You have to be prepared to, not just feel Barnes coming back, but everyone.”

The severity of Tony’s tone, the way his gaze vehemently holds hers, causes Ana to read between his lines.

“Tony,” Ana begins gravely. “Are you implying I could get hurt?”

“I’m simply warning you to be careful. I can’t predict if something bad will happen or not, but if it does, I’m asking you to prepare yourself. Don’t hold anything back, but please don’t take on that energy if it’s too much for us to handle.”

“Too much to handle?”

“According to the Jolly Green Giant over there, the stones have enough gamma radiation to light up a continent. I’m more worried about what that could potentially do to you. Reversing what Thanos did won’t be a success if I lose you in the process.”

His words mull over her brain for several seconds. “Are you asking me not to help?”

He hesitates. Tony takes off his glasses with a forlorn sigh. It’s in that moment Ana sees how the stress of the past weeks affected him, how exhausted he truly is. How his anxiety is barely rolling off him, tampering his own emotions down for her sake. Ana places her hand on his shoulder. 

Tony sighs again before he answers, cupping her cheek. “Yes, I am. Just worry about yourself, for your daughter’s sake.”

Ana moves her attention away from his face, spotting Alex sitting next to Steve at the table. The two year old is attempting to eat a full slice, holding the pizza up and making a mess of herself, tomato sauce staining her little cheeks. Alex rips off a bite, chewing triumphantly and allows Steve to help her put the slice back on her plate. He’s trying not to laugh, due to the fighting grin on his face as he hands over her sippy cup. Ana’s whole world is in the bright blue eyes of her little girl.

“Okay,” She agrees belatedly, eyes sliding back to Tony. “Okay. I promise I won’t actively try to help.”

“And there is it, that stubbornness I’ve missed so much” He quips, dropping his hand and knocking hers off his shoulder. “And don’t think I didn’t know what you were doing just now either. That’s what I’m talking about.”

Laughing, Ana defends herself. “I honestly wasn’t trying to. You don’t hide your anxiety from me as well as you think you do. I can’t help it if I try to calm you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Eat your dinner, pain in my ass.” He ruffles her hair as he stands.

“Favorite pain in your ass, you mean.”

Tony steals her beer in retaliation.

*

It’s a Friday morning when the team walks in the hangar wearing the Quantum suits Tony made. Ana had been fussing with Alex’s hair the entire time everyone else got dressed, trying to quell her anxiety. Today is the day the Time Heist will be executed, hopefully without flaw. Keeping her fingers busy as she braids her daughter’s hair helped, just barely.

Upon agreement not to help where she didn’t have to, much to Ana’s displeasure, she’s chosen to stay behind. Bruce went over the panel system for the portal with her the day before, and runs through it one more time. The system is synced up to their time travel watches; all Ana has to do is press a button to activate it. She’s connected to their coms in case of an emergency and has to pull anyone back before their two minutes are up.

Natasha comes over to pick Alex up, complimenting her hair. “Look at this pretty braid! Did you do that to match your Auntie Nat?”

Alex nods enthusiastically. “Mommy did it!”

“Your mother did mine too,” Natasha pulls her French braid over her shoulder, touching the tail end of it to Alex’s braid. 

“Yeah, after you couldn’t make up your mind,” Ana laughs. “I was halfway through pigtails.”

“When have I ever worn pigtails?” She scoffs.

“You asked for them!”

Natasha winks in good measure, hip checking Ana. She fondly rolls her eyes, handing Nat the time watch from the case Tony kept them in. 

“I wanna go.” Alex pouts, pulling Nat’s face and attention back on her.

“You gotta stay here this time, little monster. But I’ll be right back and I promise I’ll play with you.”  

“Otay,” The little girl sighs sadly. Natasha boops her on the nose then kisses her cheek. “Auntie Nebla!”

Alex launches herself into Nebula’s arm as she passes by, the woman with reflexes quicker than Steve’s catches her. Ana breathes a sigh of relief, shaking her head as she looks up. Your daughter, Bucky , she thinks. She swears she hears a phantom chuckle.

“I wish she’d stop doing that,” Ana groans.

“Takes after her father. I hear super soldiers like jumping off things,” Natasha teases.

“Ha, ha, funny,” Steve shoots at her as he makes his way over.

“Be careful, both you of,” Ana pleads, pulling Nat in for a hug. “You and Clint watch each other’s backs, got it?”

“We always do,” Natasha squeezes her tightly before letting go. “It’ll be the quickest two minutes ever.”

“Tash, lets sync up,” Clint says, pulling her away, not before handing the pot of coffee from the kitchen to Ana and winks.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with an empty pot, Barton!?” She calls after them.

“Fill it for when I get back!”

“I swear, this group of people.”

Steve shrugs, a smile teasing his lips briefly. “Hey, I know you’re nervous, but it’ll be quick on this side. We know what to do.”

“I know you do,” Ana responds, reaching out for his hand and squeezing. “Doesn't mean you can’t be extra cautious.”

He nods, returning a tight grip before taking his own watch from her. Ana passes the rest out to the team, each bidding a short “see ya later”. Nebula reluctantly hands Alex back, tenderly smoothing back any frizzled hair.

“We’ll be back shortly,” Nebula states, her eyes gleaming with guilt. “Then we can undo what my father has done. I hope assisting in this will be the greatest achievement I’ve done.”

“I have no doubts.” Ana expresses firmly.

“Alright, chop chop, we’re literally on a time crunch,” Tony snarks, pushing Nebula along.

“Rude,” Ana snips, knocking his hand away when he tries to ruffle her head. 

Tony smirks then beckons her onto the platform with them. Taking Alex with her, Ana climbs the few steps, standing between Thor and Scott. The antsy, nervousness of their mission settles over her, making Ana roll her shoulders to release the tension in her muscles. Alex gently pats her hand on her mother’s cheeks. 

Meeting his eyes across the circle, Tony nods at Ana. He puts his hand forward, curling his fingers into a fist, shrugs one shoulder. Steve follows, as does the rest of the team, watches all matching up to their jump points. Thor nudges Ana, shooting her a goofy smile as he grabs her arm. Taking the hint, she puts her own fist in front of her. Alex suddenly leans forward, trying to mimic them, causing a round of soft chuckles. All at once, they drop their arms back to their sides.

“Three years ago we lost,” Steve speaks up, determination laced in his tone. “All of us. We lost friends, we lost family, loved ones. We lost a part of ourselves. Today we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each, no mistakes no do overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn’t mean you should know what to expect. Be careful, look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives and we’re going to win.” He suddenly meets Ana’s gaze, tilts his head down slightly, before looking over at Tony. “Whatever it takes. Good luck.”

Ana has to take a deep breath to settle her nerves, her palms sweating and she has to readjust Alex in her arms. The toddler waves, earning ones in return, even cracking a few smiles on otherwise stern faces. Rocket offers his fist to the little girl, who eagerly bumps her fist against his. Ana steps off and in front of the control panel. This is happening.

“Ready?” She checks, scanning the dials for the fifth time in front of her. “On my count. In three, two-” She swears a collective steady inhale happens right before.

“See ya in a minute,” Natasha quips with her charming smile. 

“One.”

Ana nearly slams her hand on the button. The machine moves and shifts panels into place, helmets of everyone’s suits coming up to protect them. The panels rotate before spanning out and with a quick flash, they’re gone.

“Magic!” Alex giggles, clapping her hands.

If it weren’t for her excitable daughter, Ana would be crippled with worry. Instead, she claps with her, keeping her eye on the timer. Longest two minutes of her entire life. 

She puts Alex down, shaking out her arms and wiping her hands on her jeans. No words come through her ear piece, which Ana takes as a good sign. She keeps her daughter entertained for the next minute and a half by pretending to search for her stuffed bunny, checking under the panel desk and her own shoe. Finally, only thirty seconds remain.

“Hey, little Bean, want to see your aunties and uncles come back?” Ana questions airily, keeping her tone happy.

“Yes!” Alex shouts, almost running up to the platform. Ana halts her.

“Wait! You have to stay right here, okay? Where it’s safe.”

She nods, moving back to the spot Ana points to, right next to the control panel. Alex bounces on her toes, eagerly anticipating the return of the team by her form of “magic”. Moving back to the panel, Ana hovers her hand over the return button, eyes keen as the seconds tick down. When five seconds hit, she inhales deeply, hoping everyone succeeds. 

3...2...1.

The moment she hits the button, everyone reappears, some staggering behind a split second behind. The panels rotate with their arrival, relief weighing in Ana’s bones. Alex holds up her arms, a silent plea to be picked up and brought to the platform. Ana is about to do just that, when an ominous energy makes her tense. This new feeling, it’s foreign, dangerous, threatening. She quickly scans the platform, her eyes halting on Nebula.

Then, a heart wrenching grief twists sharply throughout her body, punching through her gut. Ana presses her hands against her chest. Shivers run her blood cold, the feeling eerily familiar to the day everyone vanished.

“Mama?” Alex whines softly, tilting her head. Ana clumsily pats her little cheek, her eyes moving from Nebula to the empty space next to Clint. Her heart skips a beat.

“Did we get them all?” Bruce questions hurriedly.

Rhodes holds up a silver orb. “Are you telling me this actually worked?” He sounds ecstatic.

Clint drops to his knees, head tucked to his chest, fists clenched and shaking. Ana cautiously moves forward, hands trembling. The air of loss stings her skin, and she understands, she figured it out, but she can’t voice it just yet. She needs confirmation; maybe, just maybe Natasha is running behind.

“Clint,” Ana chokes outs. “W-where’s Nat?”

The haunted, broken look in his eyes as he slowly meets her gaze, the tears staining his face, is all the answer needed. He looks to Steve then, failure pouring from his body despite the stone clutched in his hand.

*

Clear blue skies mock the heaviness in the air. A gentle breeze brushes over Ana’s skin though she hardly feels it. Her mind is oddly blank while she peers over the lake, sitting on the edge of the dock, fingers digging into the wood. The numbness beginning at her fingertip snakes its way deep into her chest.

Natasha is gone. Her best friend is gone. Her friend who always felt more like her sister, gone. Natasha had just been standing on that platform. Her trademark little smirk and excitement in her green eyes, and two minutes later, she was gone. The spot where she should have returned empty, cold. She had just been there .

“Do we know if she had any family?” Tony inquires solemnly.

Steve clears his throat. “Yeah,” his voice cracks. “Us.”

It didn’t take long for Ana to gently coax Clint off the platform, leading him back through the compound. He hadn’t said a word since returning, not after they changed out of their tactile clothes, not when Ana attempted to offer him a glass of water. Didn’t acknowledge a single one of them until he stood and made his way to the docks in the back. Bruce went after him, quickly followed by Steve, Ana, Tony and Thor. Now, she swallows thickly at Steve’s answer, gritting her teeth as her eyes begin to prickle. Her body still feels numb.

“What was that?” Thor demands behind her. 

“I just asked him a question.” Tony replies, a hard edge to his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re acting like she’s dead,” Thor rambles. “Why are you acting like she’s dead? We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones we can get her back, right Cap? So stop this shit! We’re the fucking Avengers, get it together!”

Ana dips her head as the voices grow louder behind her.

“We can’t get her back,” Clint finally breaks his grieving silence. “It can’t be undone. It can’t.”

Thor chuckles humorlessly. “No offense, but you are a very earthly being. This is space magic we’re talking about.”

“I know I’m out way outside of my pay grade here, but she’s still not here is she!?”

“That’s my point!”

“It can’t be undone.” Clint reiterates. “Or, that’s at least what the red floating guy had to say. Okay, so maybe you should go talk to him! Go grab your hammer and you go fly and talk to him!”

The painful guttural in his voice makes Ana flinch, a tear escaping as she looks over her shoulder. Clint catches her gaze, his own eyes dry now, but the guilt, the heartbreak shines through.

“It was supposed to me.” He chokes out, turning away. “She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone, she bet her life on it!”

Bruce suddenly rips a bench from it’s bolts off the dock, aggressively throwing it across the lake. Ana watches land on the other side of the bank. Her fingers curled around the dock glow dimly, the wood singes for a moment before she reels in her powers. Flexing her fingers, the glow fades.

“She’s not coming back,” Bruce states. “We have to make it worth it. We have too.”

“We will.” Steve promises.

The quiet that stretches between them is long, heavy, fragile. Ana finally stands at one point, finally gathering Clint against her for a hug. He reluctantly returns it, face hidden in her hair. She reaches her hand out to Thor, transferring a bit of her own energy to him, whatever positivity she can scrape from the bottom of her own metaphorical barrel despite her own heart shattering with the death of Natasha.

“You know,” She tentatively speaks up. “Alex has been wanting to play with your hair.” She tells Thor. “I bet if you go back in and ask she’d be delighted.”

Sniffing, he offers a watery smile. “I shall do that then.”

Clint detangles himself from Ana’s arms, cupping both sides of her face. He tenderly kisses her forehead, lingering for a split second; conveying his brokenness, his grief, his guilt, his gratitude in knowing what she was subtly attempting to do.

“Don’t go wasting your energy on me now, you hear me?” He murmurs, his green-blue eyes boring into hers. “Take care of yourself, don’t worry about us.”

Frowning, Ana remains silent. Arguing against it would result in defeat. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Another tear catches in his eyelashes before escaping. Clint drops his hand and follows behind Thor without another word. Tony silently checks on her, Ana falling into a tight hug against his chest when he opens his arms. They hold onto each other longer than necessary, silent tears soak into his shirt as her body trembles.

“Steve?” Ana whispers, after she and Tony broke apart.

Immediately he shakes his head, dropping his face in his hands, a broken sob muffled in his palms. Ana rubs his back in soothing circles, the only comfort she can offer him for now. A big, warm hand settles carefully on her shoulder, her hand lifting to rest against Bruce’s knuckles. When she peers up at him, he jerks his head toward the compound, a nonverbal sign to allow Steve some alone time.

She agrees, but not before affectionately brushing back a stray piece of Steve’s hair, and gently patting the top of his head. He catches her elbow in a soft squeeze and turns. Ana opens her arms before he leans into her briefly, giving her a quick sort of hug. The bruise on his cheek has darkened, standing stark against his tears. She releases him, offering a rueful half smile before she walks away.

*

They’re back in the conference room two hours later, everyone minus Thor, Clint and Nebula. Heads are either hidden in folded arms on the desks or tilting back against the chairs. Ana has opted to wear her rings to stabilize the turmoil of energy surrounding her, especially after Alex kept asking where her auntie Nat was. 

Having to explain to the toddler that her favorite person had died nearly broke Ana. Her daughter is a curious little thing, oddly attentive and smart for her age. Alex began asking where Bucky was not too long ago, leaving her mother to say that her father had always been watching over her, gone but never forgotten. In a place they couldn’t reach. Ana tried going along those lines of explaining Natasha’s absence, and how she wouldn’t be coming back.

“But, she pwomised to play with me,” Her little sad voice with her pouting lips made Ana tear up.

“I know, baby girl,” Ana had consoled, gently kissing her forehead. “I know, Jamie. I’m so sorry, love.”

Not even twenty minutes later, Alex asked again. Tony had stepped in to help Ana, breaking it down in a simpler manner. Later he told her he had to explain to Morgan when she was three why the little field mouse she always fed had suddenly died. Ana was grateful for the help and another parental experience.

True to her word earlier, Alex had been distracted by Thor offering his hair up for play. The odd thing was right before that, when the little girl ran past Nebula, she flinched, backed away and ran to Rhodes. Another strange incident occurred before they gathered in the conference room; Alex had refused to be held by the other woman.

The weird moments she mulls over get interrupted in her mind when she abruptly recalls what Steve had said on the dock in response to Bruce.

“How?” Ana whispers. 

“How what?” Tony counters picking his head up. His eyes are bloodshot.

Whoops. She didn’t mean to say that out loud, but since she did she continues.

“How are we going to make it worth it?” She clarifies. “You guys lost the tesseract. You just said that earlier, and your trip to the 70’s was a bust. How do we make sure Nat didn’t die for nothing if we can’t even figure out another place to get the Space Stone?”

The quick look shared between Steve and Tony does not go unnoticed by her.

“I grabbed enough Pym particles for a roundtrip for two, but that’s it. Wherever it is would be the final chance to retrieve it. Absolutely no room for mistakes.”

The snark of Steve saying that the first time and failing dies on her tongue. Instead, Ana huffs, narrowing her eyes. She stands, moving closer to the screen projecting where the stones have been spotted in their timeline. 

“Well, anyone have any ideas then?”

Steve heaves a weighted sigh behind her. “Italy.”

The second the word reluctantly leaves his mouth is when it clicks in her brain. Italy. Italy. Azzano, Italy.

“194-”

“I’m going.” Ana demands, spinning around just as Steve finishes the year.

“-Three. No.”

“I. Am. Going.”

“Absolutely not.” Both Steve and Tony refuse.

She shoots Tony a heated glare before focusing back on Steve. “Funny, because the way I see it, you both failed at getting the Space Stone, twice. I have yet to give it a try-”

“It’s too dangerous!” Steve snaps, slicing his hand through the air as he stands. “This is World War Two territory, Ana. Not some-”

“Choose your words very carefully, Cap .” Ana seethes, stepping closer. “You don’t think I know the possibility of what might happen, of who I might run into? I know the risks. Fuck dangerous. This is bigger than that!”

The flaring of his nostrils, the clench of his jaw, the hands on his hips, Steve is livid. The energy of his emotions radiates off his skin, a turmoil of fear, logic and anger. He exhales slowly.

“Think about Alex,” Steve attempts, his tone forcibly calm.

“I am !” Ana retaliates fiercely. “I always am. This is too big of an opportunity. We have the chance to bring him- to bring everyone back, and cowering in fear from that time frame isn’t going to do that. Now-” She stabs a finger in his chest. “ You aren’t going alone. You need help. I am going.”

Silence settles with tension between them. Steve looks helpless, but admits defeat by hanging his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“She’s got a point,” Rocket supplies. “Fresh pair of eyes. Powers would be useful in a tight situation.”

Ana preens with a saccharine smile.

“Fine.” Steve grumbles. “Tony, how quickly can you make her a suit?”

Tony puckers his lips like he’s sucking on something sour. This was probably exactly what he meant when he was asking Ana not to help or put herself in a situation she shouldn’t. He narrows his eyes at her before breaking his stern expression and huffing a laugh. 

“Already made.”

“Perfect!” Ana claps her hands once. “It’s settled. Italy, 1943.”

*******************************************************************************************

AN: Again, sorry for the wait. I struggled so hard writing this chapter, but i am very excited for the next chapter, which I promise will be updated much sooner. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for reading and thank you for your patience! Sorry I suck. Also, if you’re American.... VOTE ON NOVEMBER 3RD. Vote. Vote. Vote. Drabbles: Twenty-Six      Drabbles: Twenty-Eight 

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