#but BELIEVE ME . . . i would take being a summer camp counselor over restaurant work ANY DAY

[katierosefun]

everyone pray that i can work for 6 hours straight at the hostess stand by myself with zero breaks for 3 days in a row 

[getalittleclosey]

under 50k larry fic rec

hi! i’m becca and i read...so much fic. these rec lists are an accumulation of fic that i’ve read or reread and extra loved from 2016-now. there’s a wide range of stuff here and i think there’s definitely something for everyone!! i divided them up by length so you can check out all those categories below!

please make sure to read tags and warnings on all these fics!! the only things i think i can guarantee is that these are all larry, there’s no non-con, no age play, no eating disorders, no mentions of bg, they end happy, and they’re mostly aus. oh and they’re all on ao3 and some are locked so you’ll need an account! anyway i hope y’all enjoy!!!

under 5k

under 10k

under 25k

under 100k

100k+

☆ the beginning of everything by thedeathchamber 31k

“How do you take it?” Harry asked, pouring tea into a cup.

“Just a dash of milk, please,” Louis cast a look over the small table, filled to capacity. “They’re very fond of you.”

Harry ducked his head, grinning. “They’re trying to impress you.”

Louis smiled, shaking his head. “Why would they want to do that?” he asked as he took the cup Harry passed to him, their fingers brushing for an instant.

“Empathy,” Harry said under his breath.

--

A Belle Époque AU set (mostly) in Paris in which Harry is a struggling artist, in more ways than one, and Louis is a successful theatre critic and a failed writer, more or less.

☆ to kill the mess we’ve made by misandrogyny 43k

And when he's finally standing, Liam fussing over him, rubbing his hand at the red mark blooming on Harry's forehead, does Harry learn two things:

One, he wasn't actually hit that hard, and Tommo--or Louis, rather--is just as pretty when Harry is staring at him head-on and,

Two, Louis is the Adidas model he's going to be working with on today's photo shoot.

(or: AU where Harry and Louis are both models, and they decide being friends-with-benefits is a great idea. It isn't.)

☆ heart open, bloodstain on my sleeve by silkbombs (mulberrygrey) 36k

“I couldn’t help myself,” Harry admits, one hand coming to rub the back of his neck, “I stared at you for a good while before I finally got the guts to come up to you. You looked so pretty sitting there, with your little ankles and your pencil in your mouth, so enthralling… art in front of art.”

Louis’ not sure what to say, so he just kind of sits there, eyes bugging out as he stares at Harry.

“I mean, like you’re not an object!” Harry rushes out, babbling.

“I just, there’s something about you that’s so captivating, and maybe it’s the way your eyes are like a watercolor painting of the sea, or how delicate your hands look when you draw, but I just wanted to get to know you. It’s not like I pick up random boys at art museums usually, I swear. Not that I’m trying to pick you up! Unless you want to be…God, fuck I’m sorry this is so awkward now. I can go, um, if you want."

--- Or, the one where Harry's the long limbed, gangly, sweetheart who just happens be a high profile art thief who conducts heists for a living and Louis' the loud, pushy art student who just happens to steal his heart.

☆ a king beside you by stylinsoncity 26k

When the aliens invade, the last thing Louis expects is to fall in love.

☆ the boys of summer by afirethatcannotdie 45k

“I mean…we’re gonna have to sneak around anyway, yeah? Like, with that whole rules thing that I guess we’ve decided to ignore. Might make it a little more fun this way.”

AU. In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry's a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they're forbidden to date.

☆ don’t let the tide come and take me by kiwikero 29k

The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free.

They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye.

Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.

☆ introduction to dynamics by juliusschmidt 29k

Louis Tomlinson is the outspoken omega in the 'Introduction to Dynamics' course Harry wishes he didn't have to take. He's nearly certain to present as a beta, after all. Things will be simple for him.

☆ saved tonight by objectlesson 31k

Harry is the world's most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis's biggest fan. Louis hasn't written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It's probably destiny.

☆ once upon a dream by objectlesson 27k

“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”

Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.

--

Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

☆ rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied 29k

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

☆ life was a song, you came along by rainbowninja167 38k

It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them. It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.

Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.

☆ learning to eat by photo41 29k

Celebrity chef Louis Tomlinson has a problem. He’s opening his first restaurant in 9 weeks, and he has yet to hire a pastry chef- apparently people think he’s ‘standoffish’ and ‘rude’ and ‘quick to temper’. Whatever. He ends up saddled with an annoying, happy-go lucky rookie who also happens to be obnoxiously good looking. His tv presenter and pop star best friends only add to the drama, and for fucks sake would everyone please stop quoting Julia Child?!

Kitchen AU where Harry helps Louis re-learn how to eat. (METAPHORICALLY)

note: just to clarify this is NOT an eating disorder fic don’t worry

☆ runner on third by kikikryslee 40k

As Harry stood there, the other man turned around, and he knew he was correct in who he thought it was. “Louis?” he asked, still not quite believing it. Louis blinked. “Harry? Wh– what are you doing here?” “I work here,” Harry said. “What are you doing here?” “Um, I’m picking up my brother. The nurse called and said he was sick.” Harry felt like he was going to be sick. “Wait, Ernest is your brother? Since when do you have a brother?” “Since about seven years ago, I guess. Wait, how do you know Ernest?” “I’m his teacher.” “You’re his what?” Louis exclaimed. Harry gulped. This was going to be a long year. --- Or, the AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don't pick up where they left off.

note: there are four fics in this series that total to 60k

☆ roots by cherrystreet 43k

There aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous. He’s spent the past couple of years on and off various stages, filled with screaming fans, all chanting his name, loud and adoring. He’s done countless interviews, some even on live, national television, never faltering over his words, answers meticulously planned out, smooth and steady. He’s signed countless autographs, taken just as many photos, and even when he sat in his label’s studio, waiting to see how high up on the charts his single made it, he didn’t feel uneasy or uncomfortable. It’s all been unbelievably fun. No, there aren’t many things that make Harry Styles nervous.

Enter Louis Tomlinson.

☆ once upon a dream by thedeathchamber 33k

Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.

aka. the Medium/Criminal Minds-inspired AU no one ever asked for.

note: there’s a 24k sequel for this!

☆ the melody you never heard by bananasandboots 30k

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

☆ born to make you happy by objectlesson 26k

Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.

note: i literally had to take a break and reread this cause i love it so much

☆ close to nowhere by angelichl 35k

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

☆ adrenaline by reveries_passions 38k 

“Harry Styles,” Nameless Boy who now has a name says. Louis is too busy having an internal crisis to realize the boy has just introduced himself as Harry Styles. Harry Styles, only son of Des Styles, PhD, Dean of Harvard Medical School. Harry Styles, known by everyone and their grandmother. Harry Styles, star rower. Harry Styles, youngest enrolled student in graduate school at Harvard University. Oh my god, Louis thinks, mortified. I just slept with Harry Styles. As he reaches out tentatively to shake the boy’s hand, another thought hits him. Oh my god. Harry Styles is gay.

~

louis tomlinson, college dropout, up and coming dj, and gay activist, is the notorious owner of exclusive underground gay club, adrenaline.

harry styles, med student by day, partier by night, child prodigy and seemingly heterosexual son of harvard professors, is the youngest and arguably the smartest student at harvard medical school.

or: a one night stand wasn't supposed to become the greatest love story of the 21st century.

☆ bloodsport by tofiveohfive 40k

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”

Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.

He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.

“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

☆ the haunting of louis tomlinson helloamhere 31k

“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.

“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.

*** OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!

☆ can i not like you for a while? by larryshares 43k

louis tomlinson is awful. harry is just as difficult, and they're both terrible to each other. it makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated.

☆ delight in masques by kassio 28k

Popstar Louis Tomlinson has been pulling one over on the mortals for years. In the five years since he put on a human illusion and tried out for the X Factor, none of them have realised that he’s one of the Fair Folk – a cat shapeshifter, to be precise – and he’d like to keep it that way.

When he returns to the X Factor as a guest judge, the last thing he expects is for some half-Siren fool to use magic on the judges. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Harry Styles does. Now Louis has to track down some rogue changeling before he exposes them all. Even worse? Apparently, Harry doesn’t even know what he is.

(An urban fantasy adventure, set in the world of - but not crossing over with - the October Daye book series. No need to be familiar with those books; I just want to give credit where it's due on a lot of the worldbuilding.)

☆ no love like your love by rearviewdreamer 43k

When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved.  

note: i love vegan harry styles

☆ for neither never nor ever by fairytalelights 29k

Then Harry looked down. A newspaper was on the steps in front of him, looking new, like it had only just gotten delivered but no one had bothered to carry it inside yet. That, in itself, wasn't unusual. The unusual thing was the headline, Chernobyl - Half a Year Later, and the date in the corner. 5th November 1986. He looked up to stare at the girl in the doorway one last time, before he did the only logical thing his body knew how to do in this situation. He bolted.

or, the one where Harry travels through time and has to come to terms with losing everything he's ever known. Louis might be the only thing that feels real.

☆ worth dying for by whoknows 45k

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

☆ listen to your heart by lovelarry10 35k

Are you kidding me right now?

I… No? Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it. Give it a rest, Harry.

Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?

You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor…

*****

Louis has always been comfortable being Harry’s one and only. When Harry starts to branch out, Louis has a hard time letting him go.

Harry is very lucky to have someone who listens to what he has to say, despite the fact that he’s deaf. He’s finally feeling like he’s coming into himself, but Louis seems bothered by his newfound confidence.

☆ another day gettin’ into trouble by whoknows 26k

Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.

In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?

Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.

Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.

☆ all the right moves by cherrystreet 32k

This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back.

There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

It’s seriously obnoxious.

☆ play the odds by alivingfire 26k

Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins. Wins what? They don't know. Glory, Harry supposes. Bragging rights, though those don't do much in this economy. All Harry knows is that this is one bet he can finally win. What he doesn't expect, though, is what happens when he starts kissing his best friend on a daily basis.

Namely, he doesn't expect falling head over heels in love with his best friend.

Now all he has to do is make sure the bet never ends, so he never has to stop kissing Louis.

[laracroftsleatherjacket]

Flower Asks: all of them >:3€ (forgive me)

(this is so many omg but I’ll allow it only bc i love u)

Alisons: Sexuality? 

     Gay af (ace lesbean)

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

     Waman (she/they)

Amaryllis: Birthday?

     November 2nd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

     Funnily enough anemones are one of my favs but i think my top favs are chrysanthemums and morning glories but I really love many flowers and flowers in general

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

     As of right now, stranger things duh

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

     Like favors or? I mean I really do try to be a kind and helpful person but if I don’t know somebody or haven’t at least seen them a couple times before I usually don’t do much bc of anxiety 

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

     "The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.” Lara Croft mostly bc I cant think of anything else right now and that stuck with me

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

     Like a really good cup of black tea with cream and sugar or sweet tea

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

     Never been kissed before but I definitely have someone in mind I would kiss ;3

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

     Hell yeah I am right now and I don’t think I ever have been before now

Baneberries: Favorite song?

     Oh hard question... currently really digging We Fell In Love in October by Girl in Red 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

     My family is supportive (for the most part) and very loving, even if they express love in weird ways sometimes. We also like to joke around a lot and make fun of each other but in a good way? Like we all have a good time mostly and I get along better with everyone since I started college

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

     My girlfriend is my best friend uwu I also have a lot of good friends but yeah

Begonia: Favorite color?

     Purble but specifically like a pastel purple and purples that lean more towards blue than pink

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

     Lynx! I love so many animals tho and I also like many cats and domestic cats in general

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

     Night!

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

     Probably would love to just be a loved house cat who gets to lay in front of the fire all day or a lynx bc i love them

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

     A veterinarian (or a special agent lmao)! I also still plan on being a vet tho even tho I get discouraged at least once a month 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

     I mean I like kids and I was a camp counselor for a summer, but I dont really want any of my own

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

     Oh god so many things.. Biggest thing would maybe be death/dying? Like if i think about it too much like the possibility of there just being nothing after death freaks me out. That and throwing up/nausea 

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

     I played soccer and then I was a competitive swimmer so i was kind of an athlete? even tho i hated sports

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

     I think I would like to go to waffle house, have the perfect cup of tea, spend lots of time with my loved ones and pet my kitties, play video games with my gf, and sit under a tree in the mountains preferably on a warmer day in the fall and watch the sunset 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

     Very happily taken

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

     Always wanted to visit Norway

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

      Really big long hugs, good morning or goodnight messages, and I also really love cards 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

     I have 6 

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

     Yup! I have an industrial, orbital, and 3 earlobe piercings   

California Poppy: Height?  

     5′2 or maybe a little less

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

     Yeah I think so, but I do also get freaked out easily lmao

Carnation: What are you currently wearing? 

     Red flannel, jeans, fuzzy socks, and big dyke boots  

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

     Yeah I did for a long time and I still sometimes sleep with one or like a bathroom light on if Im sleeping by myself in a new place

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

     Either my mom or my dad I dont remember technically who was last bc my parents are visiting me at college

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

     Again, never kissed or been kissed! but maybe soon... :0

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

     Font? I like the font in Night in the Woods?

Columbine: Are you tired?

     Pretty much always either sleepy or tired lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

     Christmas, getting to see my gf again, and Magfest!

Coneflower: Dream job?

     Like a veterinarian but having my own practice and also being able to take in injured wildlife if possible

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

     Introvert for sure

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

     Oh repeat question, hell yes

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

     Depends what it is but I would go pretty far for somebody I care about and Im also a crazy person and would drive/travel no matter what distance for someone I love

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

     Yup! I had a ballerina bunny, named Bunny because I was very creative and I still have her

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

     Scorpio

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

     I think so? I did a lot of cool stuff with my GS troop like our bronze award project and going ziplining and to sliding rock. 

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

     My GS gold award for sure, that shit was hard work and stressful af

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

     Umm??? I would tell my dad to eat shit and die and I cant imagine my mom being anything but sweet and supportive so I dont even know

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

     You! This morning uwu

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

     uhh Im pretty good at making sense of stuff in my science labs and reasoning and im sometimes good at art? I feel like I do traditional better but Im getting better at digital

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

     bad at not being impulsive sometimes and bad at dead by daylight 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

     a little over a month but officially got a girlfriend who i love very much, my gf came down to visit and we got to chill on the mountains together, and I had a pretty nice birthday 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

     Good! Got breakfast at a diner with my parents and got coffee and a donut at my fav coffee shop so thats all i really need in life tbh 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

     Yeah Im happy even tho Im stressed with school at times 

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

     Get a job after graduation and hopefully get into vet school on the first or second try

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

     My kitty, mom, wonderful gf, sister, dead by daylight, heated blanket, apartment, waffle house, my sisters kitty, and my dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

     Donuts, coffee or tea, blankets, video games, and loud music

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

     Hmm... I really like to draw art for those i love, tell them how much i love them even though i can be bad with words, and i just try to spend a lot of time with the people I care about no matter what we are doing

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

     uhhh trying to open up more? and Im really proud of my gf 

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

     Going to waffle house. Go to a mountain and hike a little, sit on the top with girlfriend. Admire beauty of mountain countryside. Admire beauty of girlfriend while they admire the beauty of the mountain. Then warm up together with hot chocolate and play video games

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

     I like to doodle and do the arts, play video games, and I like to bake sometimes

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

     uuuuuuh I have a good friend I’ve known since kindergarten or first grade when I first moved to where I currently live

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

     My gf uwu and my mem

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

     probably like less than 10 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

     I think its really cute especially when you compliment my laugh

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

     ??? I think I am an okay person? And I try to be a good person and be kind and polite to people

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

     Umm... I mean I like that Im kind? and Im not fake and I try to be a good person     

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

      I hate that I procrastinate and that I can get frustrated easily at myself and at situations like crowds and traffic

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

     I liked to play ‘restaurant’ with my sister with our littlest pet shops

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

     I had a really great best friend named Rachel :c

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

     Losing a lot of friends and for being distant for a long time 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

     Cutting off a friend that was bad for my mental health and who didnt treat me well even though we were best friends for a long time 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

     My name is literally my parents ship name... like they even told me they chose my name by putting their names together lmao but I mean I like my name so i guess its okay..

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

     Small town in new jersey when I was really, it was nice and family was closer. Then we moved and that was difficult but I ended up adjusting and it was good, had a decent amount of friends and the schools i went to were good

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

     For a long time I shared a room with my sister and we had a bunkbed and I had the top bunk of course, when we moved out of the apartment and into a house I got my own room and it was baby blue only because I told my dad that no, I didnt want a fuckin pink room and that was a whole thing lmao

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

    It was good? but also sucked a lot. I had a lot of issues with my mental health and struggled for a long while with something. I was bullied and stuff at home wasnt always that great. And i got outed so that was fun. Other than that I enjoyed swimming competitively and I got into art

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

I love my mom!! she is the most Mom mom and is so sweet and always there for me. She helps me out so much with so many things and I just love my mom so much

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

     I mean I love my dad? And hes better than he used to be, but he still doesnt help with shit and irritates me a lot. 

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

     I never got to know my grandfather on my moms side bc he passed away a few months before i was born and I sort of knew my grandmother but she lived far away and passed away 10 years ago. I usually see my gramma on my dads side the most and I try to visit often and help her out with stuff and I love her even though she can be a bit... racist and shit.. and I sometimes see my grandpa and step grandma but they can be strict about weird shit and always ask a lot of uncomfortable questions

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

     I dont really do much on my birthdays? Ive had a lot of nice birthdays and it usually involves going out to dinner or having a nice dinner at home and having birthday cake and playing games like jenga or yahtzee.

Peony: What was your first job?

     I did some petsitting for a while but my first real job was being a camp counselor/tower belayer/lifeguard at a girl scout camp

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)?

     Met online after following them for a long time and drawing some arts for them, but didnt really start chatting until stranger things 3 came out bc I saw they had just watched it. Didnt meet irl until fursonacon and I just remember seeing them walking up to my car when I got there and just being like .... oh no.  I had already had a crush but at that point I was just heart eyes      

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

     Its a little fucked up but depending on the type of physical pain I like it? Like getting tattoos and stuff.. emotional/mental I just curl up in blankets and listen to sad music lol

Pink: Where is home?

    I feel like I have many homes? I feel really at home in the mountains, at home with my family, and when Im with my girlfriend

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

     Every event no matter how shitty shaped me into who i am today and Im pretty content and lucky with what I have today so maybe nothing?

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

     My GS leader Miss Kristin. So incredibly kind and outgoing and just willing to do whatever she can to help others. Shes so adventurous and outgoing and made my gs troop so amazing. She is such a wonderful lady and shes basically like another mom to me.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

     To be with my SO in a nice cabin in the mountains with a nice fireplace. Its cozy and we have pets (especially kitties but also maybe a dog and chickens and such) and life is okay and we’re happy

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

     God and Santa Claus (i was so heartbroken (over santa not God lmao))

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

     My girlfriend and my mom

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

    My gfs voice and their laugh c: and I also really like the sound of thunderstorms and rain

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

     To see my gf again and for winter break to just be here already I am so done with school lol

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

     Difficult? I try really hard to express how I feel but I usually mess up and I get anxious but I try my best lol

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

     Any of my loved ones and my cat 

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

     I wish I got more sleep but it was an okay amount

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

     Good morning texts from my gf and my gf in general

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

      I dont currently have a job but I occasionally do art commissions which is usually fun and gives me something to do 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

     Any of my flannels and my leather jacket (also not mine but my gfs hoodie they gave to me to borrow)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic. 

     mountains, cabins, flowers, fall, flannel, small coffee shops, pastels 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

     Im not one to be picky about gifts? I just love anything that someone put some thought into and thought I would like or reminded them of me but i feel bad if it was something expensive or anything lol

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

     Final exams and graduation

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

     0 lmao I used to read a shit ton but Ive been picky about what books I want to read lately 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

    Working towards applying to vet school and maybe thinking about moving out depending on a lot of things.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

     Unfortunately

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

     I like collecting pins, pennies, and postcards which is funny to me

(So in conclusion,,, I love my gf)

(wow that was long as hell and took forever but done!)

[lalka-laski]

When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup? I just took it off less than 5 minutes ago

Do you own an iPad? Nope. But my Chromebook functions as a tablet if I need it to (although I rarely do)

Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? The busser at the restaurant we just ate at

What’s the most hours you’ve worked in a week? Hm, I'm not sure. A few times in my life I've had 2 jobs at once, but I' didn't count the exact hours I worked

Do you believe in karma? I'd like to. But life isn't always that balanced

What temperature is your thermostat currently set to? High 60's?

What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? The importance of alcohol in my life

Are you a kind, thoughtful person? That's the exact way most people describe me

Do you know anyone who has a PhD? Yeah, my sister's godmother. And also the guy I interviewed with yesterday who's the founder of the company I'm gonna work for

Who were you dating in July 2010? Or were you single? Steve. That didn't last long...

How do you feel when you’re the center of attention? It depends. Sometimes I thrive, sometimes I shudder

Would you rather be a nurse or a mechanical engineer? Well, neither. But I guess a nurse

Do you like Starbucks chai lattes, or do you think they’re too sweet? I'm not a chai person

Are you and your SO facebook official? Yep

Do you know how to set a formal table setting for a 3+ course dinner? Um, I don't think so

Are you in a good mood today? A SPECTACULAR mood :)

Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Not officially yet

Which would bother you more: being told you’re not likable or being told you’re not sensible? Not likable. It wouldn't offend me to hear that I'm not sensible because I know that myself

Do you have a difficult time relating to other’s emotions? Absolutely not. I have the opposite problem and I empathize and take on TOO much

How many bedrooms does your house have? One

What was the last electronic item you bought? Um... no clue Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Yes, it's absolutely horrifying

When you were 15, what did you want to grow up to be? A writer

Did you ever achieve that? I sure did :)

Have you ever had a dream in which you died? I've come close to it, but I've never outright died in a dream. That would be interesting

Have you bought a bag of potato chips in the past week? Tortilla chips

Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Eh, not really

How often do you buy a new phone? I'm WAY overdue for one

Would you rather live in an apartment in the city, or a cabin in the woods? An apartment in the city. I'm just more suited for that life

Do you use Snapchat? I deactivated for awhile and ended up losing my account. Now it seems like too much of a hassle to re-add everybody and start over Have you ever driven or ridden on a motorcycle? I've ridden on one

Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Myself. And everybody else I met in rehab

Are any other members of your household home right now? Yep, we're both home What was your first job? And how long did you work there? I was a camp counselor for a few summers

What was your favorite school subject when you were in middle school? Always English

[northamptoncouplestherapy]

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it's this - humans need each other. Even those of us who enjoy alone time and appreciate life's current slower-paced version will agree, being confined to a mere handful of face-to-face connections 24 hours a day, seven days a week, is not optimal.

Our prevailing human need to connect during a global crisis has launched the innovative concept of a Pod –– doing life with a select group of people (without masks and social-distancing). The Pod has undoubtedly been a saving grace for many neighborhoods and communities worldwide these past several months.

But with summer's departure and the weather growing colder, we must navigate a myriad of new (and unknown) variables, including flu season, school reopenings, and an increased need to be indoors. Collectively, these challenges have the potential to influence both our health and hearts. How do we measure the risks and gains in each potential scenario? How do we negotiate and have honest communication with friends and family concerning social distancing ––find the sweet spot between connected and safe?

For guidance on how to do the Pod-life well, we'll invite some leading couple therapy models and researchers to be our mentors. As a couples therapist who utilizes these methods regularly, I'm confident we can apply segments of these approaches to foster a viable and indispensable Pod experience. Which may be the exact antidote we need in this ever-changing world.

A Step-by-Step Guide to mastering life within the Pod

1. Create a Contract

Many people fail to explicitly discuss what constitutes the bulk of everyday relational life with friends and family. How often do we do things like getting together for coffee or texting or merely checking-in? How do we best communicate our news or accomplishments or plain-old, regular days - phone, Instagram, or in-person? And, how do we reach out for support when we're really struggling?

Stan Tatkin, a relationship guru, encourages us to get things out in the open by creating a contract or a list of agreements with the people closest to us. This approach ensures clarity, understanding, and genuineness in the exchange if we are honest about what we need and want.

The brilliant result of both making agreements with one another and keeping our end of the bargain is secure functioning ––feeling seen and known in a mutually supportive way. Secure functioning in the Pod characterizes a safe environment - a refuge - where we live as an interdependent system. From this vantage point, the Pod relationships exist within the governance of our agreements with one another.

Examples of making agreements or a contract with fellow Pod members might include:

Who we agree to spend face-to-face time with

How we commit to wearing masks with anyone other than our agreed-upon individuals

When we will distance ourselves from other Pod-members if we are feeling ill or experiencing problematic symptoms.

Beyond COVID safety and protocols, our contracts might also include how often we gather, where we do so, and what we do when that happens - Games? Gossip? Netflix-binging? We might agree to weekly potlucks (Pod-lucks!) or sharing babysitting with fellow Pod-members so that we can get a break from these days of relentless responsibilities.

Lastly, since your agreement(s) are essential, we encourage you to make it formal. Set a date to meet with your pod-to-be, grab some pens and paper, write up your contract, and have everyone sign it ––even the kids!

Getting clear and keeping agreements will begin the necessary and critical process of building trust within the Pod.

2. Build Trust

Couples therapists assess trust from the start because we know how critical it is to human relationships' sustainability and success. This sentiment also rings true for the Pod concept. Without trust, engagement and collaboration quickly disintegrate ––taking the Pod and its inhabitants down with it.

In John Gottman's Sound Relationship House, we encounter two load-bearing walls essential to a relationship's long-term stability. These walls are commitment and trust.

But how do we cultivate trust within the Pod? According to Gottman, we do this with small things often. Small and incremental steps marked by consistently showing up, keeping your word, and displaying genuine interest in other Pod-members are the ticket to ensuring trust's constructive evolution. The result of this will be a deepened sense of togetherness and collective goodwill.

Gottman terms these occasions of trust-building, sliding door moments - seemingly insignificant flashes of time, pivotal to any relationship's well-being. When we make the deliberate choice to connect, understand, and appreciate one another consistently, we encourage and champion an essential ingredient for any authentic community to thrive.

My all-time favorite job was the role of counselor at an overnight camp in magnificent Alaska (yes, it gets warm there in Summertime!). I worked at this camp for three consecutive years during my late adolescence and fell in love with the people and experiences. I was far from home and didn't see my friends or family for the entirety of my summers. But the camaraderie I encountered with my fellow camp counselors was unforgettable.

People I'd never met and would likely never see again became like family in a very brief time. We spent days together and relied on one another because we were all each other had. Being a camp counselor is fun, but it's also exhausting - working with kids all day and night and being responsible for them 24/7 is no small task. Each of us required unwavering support from our fellow counselors.

We did life together. We were there for each other on our good and bad days. Ultimately, we built trust with one another in a million little ways, and it paid off.

I remember a particularly tricky cabin of campers one summer week. These campers were cute, but they were also loud, pranky, and not good listeners - a perfect formula for counselor burnout. What got me through that week was my "camp family" who listened to me, wrote me encouraging notes, and cheered me on (and cheered with me when the parents picked up those little rascals that long-awaited Saturday morning!).

3. Sign up for vulnerability

Bréne Brown, a prominent researcher in gutsy topics like vulnerability, shame, and courage, describes an anatomy of trust that must be recognized and refined for relationships to succeed. With trust in mind, she handily breaks things down into the acronym, BRAVING.

Boundaries: we respect others boundaries and are clear about our own

Reliability: we can count on each other

Accountability: we take responsibility to make things right when things go awry

The Vault: we only communicate our own experiences and feelings and let others speak for themselves; we keep things confidential for others

Integrity: we are who we say we are; we live according to our values

Non-judgment: we honor our needs and the needs of others without judgment

Generosity: we believe that each member of the Pod is doing the best they can; we give one another the benefit of the doubt

If we value BRAVING within the Pod, we have to choose our foxhole inhabitants wisely from the start. Ask yourself if the Pod-members you're considering are BRAVE people who won't back down when Pod-life goes sideways, or someone gets sick or stops keeping their agreements. Read this list - a recipe for trust - and decide if YOU will be that person, too.

BRAVING is not a task for the faint of heart. This type of commitment requires mega buy-in and an ability to see things through when times get tough. Because let's face it, conflict will arise and when it does, we're going to want to know what to do about it.

4. Prepare for bumps in the road

The final step to getting the hang of Pod-life involves understanding the role of conflict, not eradicating or avoiding it, but to manage it in a beneficial and connective way. Brent Atkinson, the founder of the Pragmatic-Experiential Model (PEX) of couple therapy, prescribes a set of skills needed to react effectively when disagreements arise.

He divides these skills into two parts: the "Openness and Flexibility" Skills and the "Standing Up" Skills.

Within the Openness and Flexibility skills, Atkinson invites us to:

Not jump to conclusions,

Look for something in the other's viewpoint that makes sense,

Identify what needs, values, and worries might be lurking under the surface,

And, assure the person you conflict with that you are keeping a flexible and open mind while asking them to do the same.

And, when the Openness and Flexibility skills don't cut the mustard, we can utilize Atkinson's Standing Up skills, which include:

A non-judgmental stance,

Asking for more open-mindedness and flexibility,

Considering other reasons why the person is upset,

Temporarily distancing yourself,

Not making a big deal that you had to,

Trying again later,

And, if all else fails, refusing to continue "business as usual" until the other is willing to find common ground.

I've had lots of experiences with conflict within community life - both successful and disastrous. The time's conflict has been constructive, and generative has always included all parties' willingness to be open, flexible and gracious collectively. I don't think there's a way around this for authentic connection.

*****

In this COVID climate, we live out our values, and our beliefs differ from one another in a myriad of ways. Some of us haven't been inside a restaurant in over eight months or hugged our mom ––not even once. We haven't gone to a single person's house for a visit. Others have attended indoor weddings, traveled to Disneyworld, and continued life as usual.

To do the Pod-life well, we have to find like-minded people with whom we can build trust, create agreements, practice vulnerability, and effectively manage conflict for the long-haul. Because there isn't an end in sight, now might be the perfect time to consider such a venture.

Couple therapy and relationship models teach us a great deal about how to coexist within a community. Knowing how to generate trust and how to cultivate it once you have it are crucial. Taking the time to discern and create agreements will bypass stress down the road. Moreover, choosing vulnerability with one another will produce the qualities needed to face the inevitable trials and experience the sure-fire joys that life within the Pod will provide even when it's tough.

Click Here for your Discussion Guide - How to form a Pod and keep it going strong

Like what you’ve read? Sign up to receive my musings filled with heart, concrete tools, and cutting edge resources via my blog: Loving Well.

[kdinthecity]

Confessions of a Teenage Sugar Queen: The Fall

This is for @zutaraweek​ Day Four: Icarus. Trigger Warning: hints of abuse

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

Is it ridiculous that I am now curled up in bed with Zuko’s sweatshirt? I’m not even wearing it, just hugging it. My brain keeps replaying this tantalizing scene—his car windows all fogged up for a much different reason. If only we had been swapping spit instead of sob stories.

Would he think me a desperate fool if I just… kissed him? After confessing about my dead mother, yes… yes, he would.

I wonder what the scar feels like.

What would Mom say? I could use a little advice here. Is it too soon? Yes. Is he even my type? No.

Jet had a tragic backstory. A small voice in the back of my mind says.

But Jet was also an amazing kisser. Says an even smaller voice.

I can’t sleep, so I turn on Netflix. I’m halfway through season six of a dramatic series based on Greek mythology. Because I’m a dork. Coincidentally, the episode is about the goddess of love forming an escort service, of sorts, and is quite graphic in its depictions of the Erotes. I fall asleep thinking about simply kissing Zuko, but one thing leads to another, and then...

I am so embarrassed by my first ever sex dream (of such great detail) that I don’t think I can face him at work the next morning. It’s still raining, so I dread that Yue will assign Hahn and Zuko to the lab again, and I might slip and say boner instead of beaker or pussy dish instead of petri dish. Why am I’m such a mess? I blame Aphrodite and her meddling.

The gods have mercy on me. Zuko doesn’t show up at the center today. But this also worries me. Did he make it home OK in the rain last night? Should I text him? No, he's probably fine. This internal debate continues, and for the second day in a row, I’m terribly distracted at work. It’s only a matter of time before Yue notices.

That night, I snuggle up again with his sweatshirt, trying to calm myself in the storms of uncertainty. The relentless rain, among other things, has chilled me to the core. I’m nearly asleep when Zuko sends me a message, offering me a ride to work tomorrow. The gesture itself sends a jolt through my body, like lightening. Excitement and nerves quickly settle into that warmth I was craving—his comfort. As much as I would love to accept, though, he lives halfway between here and the Marine Center. It would be too far out of his way, so I shouldn’t inconvenience him.

God, I hate riding the bus. Especially in the rain.

But Zuko now says he’s staying with his Uncle.

Why didn’t he mention that before? I’m too tired to consider the reasons. I can just ask him in the morning.

I’m a downpour of nonstop chatter when I get in the car. I guess I do that when I’m nervous. I shouldn’t be since we had such a good talk the other day. But then I literally had a dream about kissing him and… stuff, so…

Once I finally shut up, I realize how quiet he is. He keeps his eyes trained on the road and doesn’t look at me at all. I can respect a careful driver, but something isn’t right.

“Zuko, are you OK?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

His voice is huskier than usual, and there is a dark circle under his right eye. I lean forward so I can catch a glimpse of the other side of his face, but he quickly turns his head away. I try to follow his sudden movement, but the seatbelt locks up on me, so I slump back in my seat.

“How long have you been staying with your Uncle?”

“Since last night.”

“Oh.” This doesn’t make sense, but I can’t figure out the best question to ask next, so we ride the rest of the way in silence.

“I’m just gonna drop you off and head to my next assignment, OK?” he says as he pulls into the Marine Center parking lot. “I can give you a ride home, too, if you want.”

“Sure, that’d be great.” He still won’t look at me, and now I’m worried that I did something wrong.

At the end of the day, Zuko is in Yue’s office, so I sit outside the door to wait for him. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but the walls are thin, and I can hear every word.

“Zuko, are you sure it’s not broken?”

“No, ma’am. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You look terrible.”

“It doesn’t affect my ability to work, so please, can I just—“

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Yue interjects. “It does affect your work when the summer camp counselor calls me and says you’re scaring the children.”

“The kids are always scared of the scar anyway, so it’s not—”

“Zuko, I’m pulling you from education. You can work in the lab with Katara. She’s behind on her reports and could use the help.”

As troubling as the conversation is so far, I'm elated at this news. The extreme distress in Zuko’s voice overshadows any fleeting joy I feel, though.

“But Dr. Arnook, please. My father won’t… I have to…”

“The Marine Science Center appreciates your father’s generous donations. We’ll make sure his patronage is properly recognized.” Yue’s tone has turned to ice.

“OK, but… could you maybe not tell him? That I’ve been reassigned? I just don’t want him to think I failed… again.”

“I will leave that up to you. What you tell your father is your business.”

“Thank you, Dr. Arnook. Thank you so much.”

“But Zuko, if I have any reason to believe that he is the one doing this to you… then I will make it my business. I will report him. I don’t care how much money he makes or how much he gives us, he can’t just—“

“D-d-don’t. It’s not what you think… Please, don’t say anything.”

My heart starts pounding, and I clutch my chest to suppress the rising ache when I finally see his face. His left jaw sports a nasty bruise, and his lower lip is swollen. The scar looks the same, but in that instant, I know. Whoever inflicted these fresh wounds was responsible for that one, too.

I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate someone so much, someone I've never met… and in defense of someone I've only just met, actually. Dad calls me fiercely loyal, so maybe that’s what he means. I joke about wanting to hit Hahn for being so stupid. This… feels different.

How could he do such a thing? And how do I make him pay?

Zuko scowls at me, and I immediately melt into a puddle of worry. He doesn’t want my pity, that much is clear. I’ve seen that look, and I understand that feeling. I do my best to mask my concern, but how do I show him that I care? I want to help.

“I’m sorry you had to wait,” he mumbles.

“It’s OK.”

About halfway through the torturous drive home, I take a chance in breaking the silence. “Hey. Let's go get some sushi. I’m starving. I have a favorite place not far from my house.”

He doesn’t answer right away. He might not answer at all. Or ever talk to me again.

“It’s Mushi Sushi on the corner of 43rd and Kings Road,” I add with an air of hopefulness.

He laughs. And laughs again. And then laughs some more. I like the sound of his laugh, but right now it’s unnatural and annoying. And he’s wincing in pain, too, which makes it borderline unbearable.

“What’s so funny!?”

He clears his throat. “That’s my Uncle’s place. I was headed there anyway.”

I gape at him. “Your Uncle is Mushi?”

“Well, his name is Iroh. But yeah.”

Zuko pulls his hood over his head and slides into a booth near the back of the restaurant. It’s more crowded than I expected and decorated with colorful banners and candelabras. I had forgotten about Mushi’s theme nights on the third Thursday of the month. If my dinner companion wasn’t in such a sour mood, we could have fun celebrating… whatever it is.

The server, dressed in robes presumably for the occasion, hands me a menu. “Tonight’s specials correspond with your table assignment. Let’s see, you’re seated at Icarus, so you can enjoy seafood soup, fried chicken wings, and ambrosia.”

“Ambrosia?” I ask.

“The nectar of the gods,” he says with a smile.

It’s Greek mythology night! My inner dork squeals with delight.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to decide.”

Zuko slumps even further down in his seat, like he wants to disappear. “Shit, I forgot about this. Let’s just get out of here, OK?”

“Aww. It looks like fun! Maybe it’ll make you feel better?”

“It’s supposed to be a sushi restaurant. I don’t want chicken wings.”

“You have to admit it’s kinda clever. Fried wings for Icarus?”

For the first time today, he makes eye contact. “Yeah, the guy who got burned because he couldn’t please his father.”

Oh.

I do my best to hold his gaze, but the intensity of it is almost too much. “That’s not really how the story goes, you know. Daedalus warned his son and tried to help him. Icarus fell to his death because he didn’t heed his father’s instructions.”

He looks away. “Daedalus built a maze to hold a monster. Icarus is better off dead anyway.”

I'm not backing off, though. “Seriously, did you sleep through sophomore second semester? You’ve got your Greek myths all wrong.”

“And you’re the expert? You probably get your info from that stupid show, Crossroads of Destiny.”

“I do watch that show. And it’s a great resource!”

“It’s not about Greek mythology! It just borrows from it. And butchers it. Honestly, how can you and my uncle watch that shit?”

He makes that incredulous face again with the one raised eyebrow. The shadow of his hood hides the trauma we’re both trying to ignore… by arguing… over nothing.

So, I laugh. And laugh again. And then laugh some more.

“What’s so funny!?”

“I can just see Mushi—I mean, Iroh on the edge of his seat with a remote control in one hand and a golden goblet of ambrosia in the other, waiting with bated breath for the season premiere of Crossroads of Destiny to start. I bet he dresses up for convention, too.”

“I did not attend CoDCon this year, although I considered it. I did dress as Dionysus at the annual wine festival last October. And coincidentally received a golden goblet as a souvenir.”

I hardly recognize the man, clad in leather armor, even though I’ve seen him before. He’s also wearing a broad grin framed by a course white beard and creases etched in thick skin, like that of his costume. I can tell he’s been through a lot—and would be prepared to take on anything. The heat of my embarrassment burns in my cheeks as I shake his extended hand.

“Odysseus at your service, my lady," he says with a bow. "Katara, I presume?”

I swear Zuko is blushing, too. So, he’s told his uncle about me?

“Yes, sir. Pleased to meet you. Er—nice job with the Trojan horse.”

“One of my finer moments, indeed! You're a good judge of character, but only half-right, I must say.” The old man winks at me. “I do wait with bated breath but not with remote in hand. I often watch shows on the iPad. It's much easier on these aging eyes of mine. Also, ambrosia is both a food and a drink, and for today’s menu, I’m serving it as dessert. I’ll bring you some, on the house.”

I open my mouth to say thank you, but Zuko’s groan causes both of our heads to snap in his direction. He probably did it out of annoyance with his uncle’s antics, but I am now reminded of his injuries.

Iroh is, too, as his countenance changes completely. “Nephew, you need to get ice on that. It’s still swollen.”

“I’m fine,” Zuko growls.

“I can help,” I offer.

“I don’t need help.”

Iroh sits down next to me, facing Zuko. His voice is so low that I strain to hear his words. “Nephew, you can hide behind your hood and sulk in the corner all you want. But you can’t deny the truth anymore. And part of that truth is that you do have people who care about you.”

Iroh then turns to me. “Take him upstairs to my apartment. There’s an icepack in the freezer. I’ll bring food up later… including that dessert I promised.”

Zuko slouches on a bar stool with arms folded across his chest, his mood matching the darkness of his marks—all of them—which I now carefully inspect.

I’ve never been this close to him, yet somehow I’m not as nervous as I thought I’d be… if we ever got to this point under different circumstances, that is.

Oh, how I wish the circumstances were different.

He flinches when I place the ice on his face, so I instinctively cup his other cheek with my hand and lightly trace the stubble at his jaw line with my thumb. The gesture is more intimate than I intended, but I hope to return some measure of the comfort he gave me. His sigh comes out more like a shudder—a release—as he leans into my touch.

I step forward and press our foreheads together. It’s a way of bracing myself to be strong for him. Because I need to feel a connection even if it is a small one.

“I don’t know what happened to you, and you don’t have to tell me, OK?” I whisper. “But I’m here… if you need to…”

“Thanks, Katara.” He closes his eyes and brings his hand up over mine to adjust the ice pack. When he lingers there, my body finally betrays me with a quickening pulse and a fluttering sensation in my stomach. I am standing but no longer steady. I am connected but not in control. I allow my fingers to slip to the nape of his neck and thread them through his hair. Because suddenly I need more.

Kissing him right now would be a matter of simply tilting my head. I feel the warmth of his breath. I hear him swallow. I smell the damn fabric softener that started this whole thing.

We are that close. It would be so easy.

Yet so… complicated. The trail of melting ice running down my forearm reminds me that I am here to help. He’s too vulnerable, and I don't want this—whatever this is—to be confused with pity. I do want to make him feel better, though. I don’t exactly understand what I’m feeling.

Because I’ve never felt this way before.

[missingteethblog]

04/29/2020 - 22:17

My laptop decided that it would take a billion years to do anything, and I had to shut down all my stuff so that I could use the browser I’m going to lose it.

Anyways, I went on a walk with S today, and talked about a 3 year on and off relationship I recently ended, and while talking about it I realized how fucked up the dynamics were. Everyone told me stories about him and warned me about him, and while I believed them, I never believed that anything like that would ever happen to me. I was wrong, and I didn’t realize until this afternoon.

I realized that he was extremely manipulative and a compulsive liar. Every time him and I argued about something, he would turn the situation around to make it seem like I was either upset at him for no reason or that he was the victim (mostly both). And in those arguments, I was made to think that I was in the wrong (and I believed it). Looking back at them, I was always in the right, and my anger and fear and frustration was all justified, but because he knew I loved him, he would twist everything around to make me apologize for confronting him and therefore keeping me wrapped around his finger.

The first time, he suddenly stopped texting me out of the blue. No heads up, no warnings. Just, disappeared. And because I knew his mental health was really bad at that point in time, I understandably thought that something had happened to him or that he had done something to himself. So, I was texting him and his friends that I knew would know what was up. I think he told his friends to not tell me what was going on, because they responded very passive aggressively or straight up told me to fuck off and stop bothering them. Eventually, he texted me telling me to stop texting his friends. I told him that I was worried and that I thought something had happened to him, to which he responded by telling me that he needed space and time for himself. That’s cool and I respect that, but you need to tell me, the person you were dating at the time, if you’re going to do that so I don’t go into panic mode and think that you killed yourself. But I believed that I was being unreasonable (because of what he told me and how his friends acted towards me), and I apologized. Profusely and full of guilt. He blocked me for a few months after that and I spent those few months scared and isolated.

The second incident happened after an LGBT camp (not conversion camp, but a summer camp just for LGBT kids) that we went to and had been planning on going to together since before the first situation unfolded. Because of this, he decided to message me on social media, and our relationship rekindled (drastically at camp, but slowly leading up to then). We were part of the older group of campers, and had almost as much free reign as the camp counselors. After the camp ended and everyone went home, the Ottawa campers from our cabin decided to have a sleep over party and invited everyone except for me and two other campers. I didn’t know about it until the morning after when I saw the pictures he had posted. I of course asked him about it , wondering why he didn’t tell me about it and why I wasn’t invited. He told me that he thought I wouldn’t like it, so decided to just not tell me. I understandably got pretty upset over that, telling him that I would have at least liked to know about a sleep over party with my camp friends, who I thought liked me. He twisted everything around to make it seem like I was the unreasonable one and blocked me again. That was the night I sort of realized that I was an accessory to him, and that he didn’t really want to be seen with me around our camp friends because I embarrassed him. Except I didn’t come to that realization that night, but this afternoon. What I really thought that night was that no one actually liked me. And honestly I don’t think that that was far off from the truth.

The third and last incident happened this past December/January. I found out that he had unblocked me, and after a few months of consideration, I reached out to him and (profusely and guilt-ridden) apologized for what had happened 1.5 years ago. he told me that he was sorry too, and that he wanted to reach out but didn’t think I wanted to talk to him. Over the 3 years that I had known him, that was the most character development I had ever seen from him. He had actually apologized as well, but just for the argument. Not what he had done. Anyways, we decided to start making plans to hang out. I rescheduled it twice because of incidents he faced that were out of his control. However, the third time we had agreed that I would go over to his dad’s house on New Year’s day. He of course got piss drunk the night before and woke up at the time we were supposed to hang out and cancelled. I rescheduled it a fourth time (notice how I keep saying I instead of we or him. I was the only one trying to make the plans work) for a Wednesday during a school week, and fought with my parents to let me commute 1 hour downtown (one way) on a school night to meet him. I ended up being 15mins early, and him an hour late. While I was waiting for him to show up, he asked me if I wanted to make it a date (I said yes). He shows up an hour after the meet time we agreed on, but instead of just being alone, he brought a camp friend of his along that he had seen on the bus. He never asked me if it was okay to bring this person along, nor did he give me a heads up. I thought that I would just say hi and this person would leave me and him to our date, but no. He had invited this person along without discussing it with me. Him and the camp friend ended up talking the entire time, and he barely even looked at or acknowledged me. The only time he did was when he glanced back at me occasionally as we were walking to the little restaurant and when he noticed that I was being distant and quiet and asked me if I was doing alright (I, shortly, said yeah). As if it couldn’t get any worse, he told me that he would be leaving an hour early so that him and his camp friend could go back to the friend’s house and hang out with their bird. It was then that I realized that he thought a fucking bird was more important than our relationship and everything that we had been through. So, I got up and left. He asked where I was going and I said that I had homework to do, looked him directly in the eye with exasperation and disappointment and left. After that, I sent him a text saying that we needed to talk about that night. No response, so I send it again a couple days later and still nothing. So. I sent him a couple angry paragraphs expressing my frustration and anger with him. He read it, didn’t respond, and blocked me on all of his accounts. We were finally done.

This afternoon, I realized that I had just been his accessory. I am a conventionally attractive, thin, white trans guy, and I think that he thought I would make him look good, so he could flex me on his friends. He manipulated me into thinking that my anger and fear was unjustified and that I was being unreasonable in every argument. I wasn’t. I was so in love with him that I blindly accepted everything and allowed him to manipulate me. He had me wrapped around his finger and I didn’t even know it. His best friend was also in on it, and played along with whatever he said. I think his manipulation tactics are one of the reasons that I forced myself to stop crying, because it put me in a position of weakness, and he made me think (whether this was intentional or not) that I was pathetic for crying and showing weakness because it wasn’t attractive, it wasn’t something an accessory should be showing. So I forced myself to stop crying, and can barely cry for more than 2 minutes to this day. He wasn’t the only reason, but he was a part of it. People told me about him, warned me about him, but I never listened. He wasted 3 years of my life, and I am so incredibly angry with him. He fucked up my relationship with myself, and the way I go about relationships with other people (romantic and platonic).

I hope he understands how fucking angry I am with him, and that I never want him to be a part of my life ever again. Fuck him, I hate him.

Currently listening to Harvey Milk Shit On The Table by Crywank.

[hashtagyourshirt]

200: My crush’s name is: Liz.  199: I was born in: Camden. 198: I am really: aggressive. 197: My cellphone company is: Verizon. 196: My eye color is: blue/grey. 195: My shoe size is: 7/9. 194: My ring size is: 7. 193: My height is: 5′5″ 192: I am allergic to: trees. 191: My 1st car was: Ford Explorer ‘97. 190: My 1st job was: Royal Bargains, Dollar Store. 189: Last book you read: Love is Love. 188: My bed is: too small. 187: My pet: Willers, eventual cause of my death. 186: My best friend: works with me. 185: My favorite shampoo is: Whole Foods. 184: Xbox or ps3: N64. 183: Piggy banks are: stressful. 182: In my pockets: great Alanis Mourisette song. 181: On my calendar: new job tomorrow. 180: Marriage is: a commitment.  179: Spongebob can: be ready. 178: My mom: wants to get matching tattoos. 177: The last three songs I bought were? Sleater-Kinney 176: Last YouTube video watched: Carmilla. 175: How many cousins do you have? 56 first cousins. 174: Do you have any siblings? 1. 173: Are your parents divorced? no. 172: Are you taller than your mom? yes. 171: Do you play an instrument? guitar. 170: What did you do yesterday? went to the zoo with the school. [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: yep. 168: Luck: yep. 167: Fate: yep. 166: Yourself: eh. 165: Aliens: I hope. 164: Heaven: eh. 163: Hell: eh. 162: God: eh. 161: Horoscopes: yep. 160: Soul mates: yep. 159: Ghosts: eh. 158: Gay Marriage: yep! 157: War: no. 156: Orbs: huh? 155: Magic: in a young girl’s heart. [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs. 153: Drunk or High: drunk. 152: Phone or Online: online. 151: Red heads or Black haired: black. 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes. 149: Hot or cold: cold. 148: Summer or winter: summer. 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn. 146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate. 145: Night or Day: day. 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges. 143: Curly or Straight hair: curly. 142: McDonalds or Burger King: ew. 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk. 140: Mac or PC: Mac. 139: Flip flops or high heals: flops. 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi. 136: Hillary or Obama: gimme both. 135: Burried or cremated: cremated. 134: Singing or Dancing: singing. 133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel. 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who? 131: Small town or Big city: big city. 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target. 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ew. 128: Manicure or Pedicure: EW. 127: East Coast or West Coast: EAST COAST. 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: my birthday. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers. tattooed on me. 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney. 123: Yankees or Red Sox: PHILLIES. [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Boo. 121: George Bush: BOO. (also how the fuck old is this?) 120: Gay Marriage: YES. 119: The presidential election:  BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 118: Abortion: should be safe and legal 117: MySpace: high school 116: Reality TV: terrifying 115: Parents: boo. 114: Back stabbers: why did they stab backs? 113: Ebay: supes old 112: Facebook: listens to me 111: Work: exciting now! 110: My Neighbors: new 109: Gas Prices: moderate 108: Designer Clothes: expensive 107: College: long time ago 106: Sports: fun to play, and gay 105: My family: far away (blood)  104: The future: amazing [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: yesterday 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: yurp (Tuesday) 100: Cried in front of someone: yeah, bit ago. 99: Went to a movie theater: uhhhhhhhh, for Wonder Woman 98: Took a vacation: ONE MONTH UNTIL PARIS 97: Swam in a pool: does a hot tub count? 96: Changed a diaper: this past weekend 95: Got my nails done: ten years ago 94: Went to a wedding: may 2017 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a piercing: seven years ago 91: Broke the law: NEVER 90: Texted: like five seconds ago [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Lizard! 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: being at home 87: The last movie I saw: I don’t remember 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Paris 85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting up 84: People call me: kevy, pronounced KEV - EEEEEEE!!!! 83: The most difficult thing to do is: not bite my fingers 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nine years ago 81: My zodiac sign is: taurus 80: The first person i talked to today was: my wife 79: First time you had a crush: like over twenty years ago.... 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: everyone, but specifically my wife 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my bff 76: Right now I am talking to: some friends, wife, some mutuals, tweeting 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: queer counselor (I’m grown!) 74: I have/will get a job: I’m a Special Education Classroom Assistant and a Queer student counselor at a gifted elementary school 73: Tomorrow: bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast 72: Today: book club 71: Next Summer: camp again? 70: Next Weekend: podcast taping (San Junipero) 69: I have these pets: Willers, he’s fucking annoying 68: The worst sound in the world: his fucking meow at 6 am 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Lena Luthor #pathetic 66: People that make you happy: my friends, my wife 65: Last time I cried: discussing queer politics 64: My friends are: great 63: My computer is: shiny 62: My School: new 61: My Car: piece of shit 60: I lose all respect for people who: have no backbone 59: The movie I cried at was: first girl I loved 58: Your hair color is: dark brown undercut, honey brown/blond on top 57: TV shows you watch: that gay shit. 56: Favorite web site: ao3 55: Your dream vacation: world tour over six months 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: my period pain was horrid about fifteen to thirteen years ago.  It’s manageable now, but still the worst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: bloody 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: Katie McGrath, Elise Bauman, and Eliza Dushku 50: Where would you like to be: right where I am, but bigger apartment, in better shape, and with more money 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yup 47: Who’s your best friend: Anne 46: More guy friends or girl friends: all gals 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: finishing something 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my sis 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nope 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nope 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope 40: Last person I got mad at: fuckhead in chief 39: I would like to move to: Canada 38: I wish I was a professional: writer [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: sour s’getti 36: Vehicle: my bike 35: President: Obama 34: State visited: California  33: Cellphone provider: idc 32: Athlete: I was obsessed with roy halladay as a youth 31: Actor: Katie McGrath 30: Actress: Elise Bauman 29: Singer: Ani DiFranco 28: Band: Against Me! 27: Clothing store: thrift store 26: Grocery store: don’t care 25: TV show: all time: Buffy, current: Wynonna Earp 24: Movie: Fried Green Tomatoes 23: Website: ao3 22: Animal: pitbull 21: Theme park: Harry Potter world 20: Holiday: purim, my anniversary 19: Sport to watch: softball 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: teen vogue 16: Book: dc bombshells 15: Day of the week: Friday (shabbat shalom!) 14: Beach: ocean city, nj 13: Concert attended: tied between Tegan & Sara (2016) and Blink 182, Weezer, and Taking Back Sunday (2009)  12: Thing to cook: steak 11: Food: sandwich 10: Restaurant: Jerry’s 9: Radio station: I do not know her 8: Yankee candle scent: midsummer night 7: Perfume: none 6: Flower: star gazer lily 5: Color: green 4: Talk show host: Ellen 3: Comedian: currently, Rhea Butcher 2: Dog breed: pit/aussie 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yuh

Repost and do it yourself.

[northamptoncouplestherapy]

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it's this - humans need each other. Even those of us who enjoy alone time and appreciate life's current slower-paced version will agree, being confined to a mere handful of face-to-face connections 24 hours a day, seven days a week, is not optimal.

Our prevailing human need to connect during a global crisis has launched the innovative concept of a Pod –– doing life with a select group of people (without masks and social-distancing). The Pod has undoubtedly been a saving grace for many neighborhoods and communities worldwide these past several months.

But with summer's departure and the weather growing colder, we must navigate a myriad of new (and unknown) variables, including flu season, school reopenings, and an increased need to be indoors. Collectively, these challenges have the potential to influence both our health and hearts. How do we measure the risks and gains in each potential scenario? How do we negotiate and have honest communication with friends and family concerning social distancing ––find the sweet spot between connected and safe?

For guidance on how to do the Pod-life well, we'll invite some leading couple therapy models and researchers to be our mentors. As a couples therapist who utilizes these methods regularly, I'm confident we can apply segments of these approaches to foster a viable and indispensable Pod experience. Which may be the exact antidote we need in this ever-changing world.

A Step-by-Step Guide to mastering life within the Pod

1. Create a Contract

Many people fail to explicitly discuss what constitutes the bulk of everyday relational life with friends and family. How often do we do things like getting together for coffee or texting or merely checking-in? How do we best communicate our news or accomplishments or plain-old, regular days - phone, Instagram, or in-person? And, how do we reach out for support when we're really struggling?

Stan Tatkin, a relationship guru, encourages us to get things out in the open by creating a contract or a list of agreements with the people closest to us. This approach ensures clarity, understanding, and genuineness in the exchange if we are honest about what we need and want.

The brilliant result of both making agreements with one another and keeping our end of the bargain is secure functioning ––feeling seen and known in a mutually supportive way. Secure functioning in the Pod characterizes a safe environment - a refuge - where we live as an interdependent system. From this vantage point, the Pod relationships exist within the governance of our agreements with one another.

Examples of making agreements or a contract with fellow Pod members might include:

Who we agree to spend face-to-face time with

How we commit to wearing masks with anyone other than our agreed-upon individuals

When we will distance ourselves from other Pod-members if we are feeling ill or experiencing problematic symptoms.

Beyond COVID safety and protocols, our contracts might also include how often we gather, where we do so, and what we do when that happens - Games? Gossip? Netflix-binging? We might agree to weekly potlucks (Pod-lucks!) or sharing babysitting with fellow Pod-members so that we can get a break from these days of relentless responsibilities.

Lastly, since your agreement(s) are essential, we encourage you to make it formal. Set a date to meet with your pod-to-be, grab some pens and paper, write up your contract, and have everyone sign it ––even the kids!

Getting clear and keeping agreements will begin the necessary and critical process of building trust within the Pod.

2. Build Trust

Couples therapists assess trust from the start because we know how critical it is to human relationships' sustainability and success. This sentiment also rings true for the Pod concept. Without trust, engagement and collaboration quickly disintegrate ––taking the Pod and its inhabitants down with it.

In John Gottman's Sound Relationship House, we encounter two load-bearing walls essential to a relationship's long-term stability. These walls are commitment and trust.

But how do we cultivate trust within the Pod? According to Gottman, we do this with small things often. Small and incremental steps marked by consistently showing up, keeping your word, and displaying genuine interest in other Pod-members are the ticket to ensuring trust's constructive evolution. The result of this will be a deepened sense of togetherness and collective goodwill.

Gottman terms these occasions of trust-building, sliding door moments - seemingly insignificant flashes of time, pivotal to any relationship's well-being. When we make the deliberate choice to connect, understand, and appreciate one another consistently, we encourage and champion an essential ingredient for any authentic community to thrive.

My all-time favorite job was the role of counselor at an overnight camp in magnificent Alaska (yes, it gets warm there in Summertime!). I worked at this camp for three consecutive years during my late adolescence and fell in love with the people and experiences. I was far from home and didn't see my friends or family for the entirety of my summers. But the camaraderie I encountered with my fellow camp counselors was unforgettable.

People I'd never met and would likely never see again became like family in a very brief time. We spent days together and relied on one another because we were all each other had. Being a camp counselor is fun, but it's also exhausting - working with kids all day and night and being responsible for them 24/7 is no small task. Each of us required unwavering support from our fellow counselors.

We did life together. We were there for each other on our good and bad days. Ultimately, we built trust with one another in a million little ways, and it paid off.

I remember a particularly tricky cabin of campers one summer week. These campers were cute, but they were also loud, pranky, and not good listeners - a perfect formula for counselor burnout. What got me through that week was my "camp family" who listened to me, wrote me encouraging notes, and cheered me on (and cheered with me when the parents picked up those little rascals that long-awaited Saturday morning!).

3. Sign up for vulnerability

Bréne Brown, a prominent researcher in gutsy topics like vulnerability, shame, and courage, describes an anatomy of trust that must be recognized and refined for relationships to succeed. With trust in mind, she handily breaks things down into the acronym, BRAVING.

Boundaries: we respect others boundaries and are clear about our own

Reliability: we can count on each other

Accountability: we take responsibility to make things right when things go awry

The Vault: we only communicate our own experiences and feelings and let others speak for themselves; we keep things confidential for others

Integrity: we are who we say we are; we live according to our values

Non-judgment: we honor our needs and the needs of others without judgment

Generosity: we believe that each member of the Pod is doing the best they can; we give one another the benefit of the doubt

If we value BRAVING within the Pod, we have to choose our foxhole inhabitants wisely from the start. Ask yourself if the Pod-members you're considering are BRAVE people who won't back down when Pod-life goes sideways, or someone gets sick or stops keeping their agreements. Read this list - a recipe for trust - and decide if YOU will be that person, too.

BRAVING is not a task for the faint of heart. This type of commitment requires mega buy-in and an ability to see things through when times get tough. Because let's face it, conflict will arise and when it does, we're going to want to know what to do about it.

4. Prepare for bumps in the road

The final step to getting the hang of Pod-life involves understanding the role of conflict, not eradicating or avoiding it, but to manage it in a beneficial and connective way. Brent Atkinson, the founder of the Pragmatic-Experiential Model (PEX) of couple therapy, prescribes a set of skills needed to react effectively when disagreements arise.

He divides these skills into two parts: the "Openness and Flexibility" Skills and the "Standing Up" Skills.

Within the Openness and Flexibility skills, Atkinson invites us to:

Not jump to conclusions,

Look for something in the other's viewpoint that makes sense,

Identify what needs, values, and worries might be lurking under the surface,

And, assure the person you conflict with that you are keeping a flexible and open mind while asking them to do the same.

And, when the Openness and Flexibility skills don't cut the mustard, we can utilize Atkinson's Standing Up skills, which include:

A non-judgmental stance,

Asking for more open-mindedness and flexibility,

Considering other reasons why the person is upset,

Temporarily distancing yourself,

Not making a big deal that you had to,

Trying again later,

And, if all else fails, refusing to continue "business as usual" until the other is willing to find common ground.

I've had lots of experiences with conflict within community life - both successful and disastrous. The time's conflict has been constructive, and generative has always included all parties' willingness to be open, flexible and gracious collectively. I don't think there's a way around this for authentic connection.

*****

In this COVID climate, we live out our values, and our beliefs differ from one another in a myriad of ways. Some of us haven't been inside a restaurant in over eight months or hugged our mom ––not even once. We haven't gone to a single person's house for a visit. Others have attended indoor weddings, traveled to Disneyworld, and continued life as usual.

To do the Pod-life well, we have to find like-minded people with whom we can build trust, create agreements, practice vulnerability, and effectively manage conflict for the long-haul. Because there isn't an end in sight, now might be the perfect time to consider such a venture.

Couple therapy and relationship models teach us a great deal about how to coexist within a community. Knowing how to generate trust and how to cultivate it once you have it are crucial. Taking the time to discern and create agreements will bypass stress down the road. Moreover, choosing vulnerability with one another will produce the qualities needed to face the inevitable trials and experience the sure-fire joys that life within the Pod will provide even when it's tough.

Click Here for your Discussion Guide - How to form a Pod and keep it going strong

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