#but I didn't cry during the session at all and she was cool and said some good things that I have now forgotten of course.

[neverendingford]

.

[pablitogavii]

hey, could you do one we’re Gavi went to work out and when he gets back home, he finds her crying in bed over a tiktok of a dog

thank u and i love ur writing

Something similar, hope you like :))

“I’m home Princesa!! And I want all your cuddles right now!” Pablo was in quite a good mood having done well during training and gym session and happy to be with his girl for the rest of the night.

“Amor?? Que pasaba?? Why is it dark in here??” he walked into your shared bedroom to find it completely dark and you curled up under the blanket.

“Are you crying???” He sat down trying to move the blanket to find and see your face but you clenched onto it tightly sobbing a little.

Pablo was worried now especially since he talked to you an hour ago and you were perfectly fine and excited for cuddles…what happened???

"Preciosa, can you come out and look at me please?" he said pulling on the covers only to revel your tearful face that broke his heart. Who dared make his precious girl cry!? Not while he is alive!

"Que pasaba? Tell you Pablito. Huh?" he moved to lay besides you pulling you into his lap and you cuddled up to his side hiding your nose into his neck while whimpering.

"H..he c..cheated" you were mumbling and Pablo couldn't understand you clearly feeling scared that some fake news made you think he cheated which he would never do! You were it for him...the love of his life!

"No, amor!! I didn't! I promise!" he started but she shut him up by placing her small hand on his mouth muffling his apologies.

"Not you P..Pablito..um..this other footballer on his girlfriend" you said and Pablo relaxed knowing that it was your 'girl days' and you got super sensitive during those time. He secretly loved it!

"So why are you crying about it cariño?? Do you know her?" he asked moving a piece of your hair from your face before drying up your tears with his hand while you shook your head.

"But..but..how can he do that?" you were hiccuping between words and he forced himself not to giggle at how cute you were right now kissing the top of your head. He loved how much you cared and how you wanted everyone to be happy.

"Shh princesa..I don't know....some people are weird and they think doing it makes them cool" Pablo spoke calmly and you appreciated that he wasn't calling you stupid but instead talking to you about it.

"He..kissed another girl at the club when his girl was waiting for him at home..que horribles!" you said and he raising your chin up kissing your lips while he nodded his head.

"You feeling a little better amorcito?" he asked and you nodded although there was still something that bugged you and he could tell.

"You can tell me everything, mi vida..I promise to listen, bueno?" he said and you smiled knowing he knew what you were talking about.

"Do all footballers cheat, Pablito???" you look up with a pout and he knew you had every right to ask him this. Footballers have certain record of being disloyal, but it was nowhere near that every one is the same. He knew he would rather die than cheat and hurt you!!!

"Its easier for them to cheat, amor..all the garotas that want them for fame but I think it takes someone owning your heart to keep you loyal..like you own mine, princesita" he said kissing your nose while giggling and you blushed nodding your head while laying it down on his chest and he let you relax in his hold.

"But which footballer you know that hasn't been accused of cheating???" you say and Pablo smiled immediately knowing the right answer to that question.

"Frenkie...and me" Pablo said and you smiled looking up and nodding your head really knowing how much he respected and loved Mikky. When you heard they were waiting a baby, you were both so happy!

"You did say you look up to him recently in an interview???" you smile and Pablo nodded leaning down and kissing your lips.

"Mhm..I want to become as good of a midfielder as him..and I want to have a baby with you in the future" he whispered the last part and your whole body contracted. He never said something so directly before..you were in a happy shock..all your insecurities vanishing!!!

"Amor!!!" you blushed hiding your face into his neck and he smirked knowing his work has been done now that you were a blushing mess clenching onto him. It might sound silly to you now, but Pablo meant every spoken word :)

Ik it's short and that I don't post as much (sorry for being inactive!!!) but I hope you enjoy it <333

[ratcatcher2world]

I met ben barnes , jessie mei li and the cast of Shadow And Bone this weekend for the SAB convention 'ASOCAS3'.

For the first day I took my photo with ben. He was really super nice. When he saw my sweater and my hat, (merchandising his "Songs For You" EP" he said "wow , you look amazing". he asked me how I was. He gave me a hug as soon as he saw me. I managed to speak to him in English. I showed him the pose I'd chosen and he agreed straight away. He thanked me in French.

In the afternoon I had my selfie with him. Basically it was just a single photo and he took 2 (a simple one and a funny one).

Throughout the day, there were various panels with all the actors/actress.

The second day I had a total of 5 extras with ben and jessie.

I got my picture with jessie mei li . She loved my beanie with the grishaverse logo. She said i was amazing . And then my picture with Ben and Jessie. They were sweethearts, super nice. Just before the darklina photo, despite the stress, I managed to focus on Ben and asked him "can you wait a bit until I put on my beanie for the photo" directly he said yes. When he saw my beanie, he had a big smile on his face and said it looked cool.

I didn't get a chance to ask Ben my question at the panel, as a lot of people had gotten up to ask him questions.

In the afternoon there were selfie sessions with Jessie. She was really sweet with me. She took 3 selfies with me instead of just one.

After that came the autograph session. For Jessie it was quite quick as I had managed to get to the front of the queue.

Fun fact: jessie pronounces my first name correctly. When she heard how I pronounced it, she repeated it very seriously so as not to make any pronunciation mistakes. She was even very touched that I wrote her a letter. She looked me straight in the eye and said "thank you, darling, that means a lot to me". (So now I tell myself that Jessie has a bracelet that I made her).

For Ben's autograph, the queue was surprisingly quick too.

I asked Ben (with the help of the translator because i was very stressed), was he inspired by Billy Russo (his character in the Marvel series The Punisher) to play Kirigan. Since Billy and Kirigan have a lot in common .

He told me he'd been inspired by it, as they're very similar.

I waited until he had signed my book before handing him the letter I had written him.

He was really touched that I had written him a letter. He thanked me by holding my forearm, looking me in the eyes and saying "thank you, beautiful, that means a lot to me".

It really was the best weekend of my life. I don't regret a thing. I met some extraordinary people. I overcame my shyness a little during the weekend. I cried at the end of the closing ceremony because I didn't want it to end.

Another fun fact. Calahan Skogman was so touched by the presence of so many fans that he took out his phone during the opening ceremony to film us (so I'm probably in his phone). And Luke Pasqualino unfortunately had to leave in a hurry due to a personal problem. He still finished everything he had to do at the convention, and then went back to the panel room to thank us for our kindness, for the warm welcome he'd received from us, and for making him feel at home with all the fans.

There was also a problem with a couple who brought their children (one not even a year old and the other not even 6 months old). All this without protecting their ears).

There was also a problem on both days. With a "fan" who made Daisy Head and Danielle Galligan cry. Right after she made Patrick Gibson and Sujaya Dasgupta really uncomfortable. Patrick laughed but very nervously. They didn't answer the question, which was so embarrassing for them.

After that, she forced Calahan to do a pose for the photos that he didn't want to do because he was so uncomfortable. She pushed until he reluctantly agreed. Then she said he'd touched her inappropriately during the photo. Which isn't true, because the fans in the room and the organization's staff saw exactly what had happened and that she was the problem.

[anecdotal-acorn]

So I saw Phantom on Broadway last night (10/21) and it was everything I dreamed it would be and more!!!  I have so many thoughts and I thought I'd just list them here:

Act I

- The overture is so much more exhilarating live than on any recording, it was so epic

- The Hannibal elephant was so impressive in person

- When the managers said Raoul would be in their box the dancers FREAKED OUT, especially Meg and Christine, they were so excited <3

- Emilie’s Think of Me cadenza was so clear and resonant–

- When Madame Giry came into the dressing room for Meg she YELLED at her and then did a complete 180 when she turned to Christine

- John is an exquisite Raoul!!! There was so much chemistry between him and Emilie during Little Lotte. He hugged her and then after he said her name pulled away for a second just to look at her…it was so sweet. Then when he left to get his hat he ran off the stage at a full sprint, which was so cute

- Laird had an awesome hat toss and cape twirl with so much flair and extra-ness, and his MOTN was like an out-of-body experience, especially when he said “close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar” and held the note straight-tone and past the music. Then when Christine pulled the mask off he flopped onto the floor like a sack of potatoes XD

- Meg was adorable in Notes, rifling through them at the managers’ desk trying to figure out what was going on.  Erica Wong was so charismatic it's hard to believe she isn't principal!

- Raquel’s comedic timing was impeccable, especially in Il Muto when she mimed pulling off the Serafimo skirt and hat

- Laird’s cackle when Buquet’s body came down is truly unparalleled (gave me chills)

- ALL I ASK OF YOU was sooooo precious!!!!!!! John and Emilie are a top-tier R/C pair!!! Their second kiss was so intense it turned into basically a full-on makeout session and I was LIVING for it; every Raoulstine shipper’s dream ❤️

- Laird was so sad on the angel!!! So much crying and whimpering, and he did this little quiet “no” when Raoul and Christine were singing AIAOY from offstage. But then he growled and it was so cool to see the switch in his mind and watch him put the walls back up and get mad…

- The chandelier drop was as jaw-dropping as expected

Act II

- Raoul and Christine’s Masquerade entrance was so cute, with the spotlight on them and everything

- Laird came down the stairs in the Red Death and Emilie was clinging to John with both arms around his waist

- On the topic of Masquerade, can we talk about how good John looks in the Hussar costume????  Wtf???  

- During Notes II when Piangi said “if you can call this gibberish art” he threw the score book halfway across the stage

- John’s “Christine, Christine, don't think that I don't care” was so soft I think it melted all my organs…he leaned so close to her and acted like it was just the two of them

- Emilie’s Wishing was a highlight of the night. Her belt when that key change hit was so strong I felt it in my bones

- Wandering Child was so cool because by that point I knew how strong the trio was and their voices blended together so well

- The gunshot was so scary! Even though I knew it was coming it still made me jump because it was so loud

- Piangi’s pipes were nuts in his last scene (his “your youngest believes I'm you” right before he went off in particular)

- Laird’s entrance was so cool because he closed the back curtains with so much gusto and then just stood there for a minute like he was being extra or extra nervous (or both). Then his “say you'll share with me one love one lifetime” was so quiet and sad but the “anywhere you go let me go too” got so loud in literally an instant

- Laird’s “Christine, why?” was so heartbreaking because it really seemed like he was so betrayed that she pulled off his mask in front of all those people. When she first pulled it off he didn't even scream, just stood there in disbelief, which he did AGAIN after the kiss. Emilie came on in the wedding dress sobbing “no, no, no” and broke my heart into a million little pieces. John’s “Christine, forgive me, please forgive me” was all levels of desperate and soooo good!!!! Final Lair in general was such a whirlwind and didn't feel like fifteen whole minutes whatsoever, and Laird knocked it out of the park with that final note…they were all the best. I'm so glad I got to see him and John too. It made the show so special since Laird’s not usually there and John’s leaving but I SAW THEM!!!! I still can't believe it.

So yeah. Hope you enjoyed my thoughts :D

[softquietsteadylove]

I'm rewatching The Hungergames right now and thought it must be possible to imagine Thenamesh in this kind of situation.

"You can't hide in here forever."

Gil nearly yelped, but he couldn't help it. He had been all but trembling since they got on the transports, and now things were really setting in. They were really here, they were really going to be competing with each other - to the death - in a matter of weeks.

He really had volunteered to go in Phastos' place.

Her name was Thena, he remembered from their briefings. She was from District 2, and a favourite to win the whole damn thing. She was smart, she was strong, she was trained in blades and deadly from head to toe. And she was really pretty.

"Well?"

"S-Sorry," Gil murmured, creeping out from the solace he'd found in the equipment room. Everyone else was in the training room already, showing themselves off (or just trying not to look like a walking target).

"Don't apologise," she said immediately, crossing her arms at him. "Your decisions are your own from here on out. You have to be prepared to live with the consequences of every one of them."

"Right," he murmured, not entirely sure how to talk to the career driven girl. He fidgeted with his hands in front of him.

She paused, though, tilting her head at him. Her hair slipped over her shoulder. His eyes followed it. "You volunteered to compete in place of your brother."

Yes, he had famously volunteered as tribute, the first example of it in years, supposedly. They were from District 4, not the worst off, but not the best either. They had grown up swimming and fishing, but Phastos was a nervous kind of kid. He was better at inventing contraptions than wrestling with his fellow man.

Gil had heard his brother's name called, looked over and seen Phastos crying on Ben's shoulder, and ran forward.

"I admire you for it."

Well, he hadn't been expecting that. He looked up at her, finding a rare smile on her face. It was so beautiful it made her seem almost human. "Uh, thanks?"

She dropped her arms and her rigid stance all together. More and more she looked like a girl close to his age--a girl he could have known were it not for this shit show. "I volunteered for my brother."

Oh! He didn't even know that was allowed.

"Druig is smart, but he isn't strong," she admitted quietly, looking down at her feet. "He isn't a Fighter. But I am."

He knew that. Everyone around them knew it--Kingo had even told him that bets were passing hands in her favour. "What about the other guy?"

"Ikaris," she muttered, looking up at him again. "He's a Fighter, and I suppose I can't blame him for being angry with me. Because I volunteered, they had to re-raffle the boys' names."

Yeah, that was a pretty good reason.

"Be careful," she advised, "around him. I mean it--I may be at the top of his list, but Ikaris is vicious. I think he's the only one here more capable of a kill shot than I am."

Gil winced. He wasn't sure he wanted to see that. He wasn't going to be able to keep his promise to Phastos at all.

Thena stepped closer to him, though. "But he's not invincible--none of us are."

She seemed almost excited by that.

"Ikaris has a terrible temper," she continued telling him lethal information on her temporary teammate. "He's easily baited. And his form and technique aren't really that good, he's just strong. If you find yourself in range of him, play dirty."

Gil almost scoffed but Thena stepped in closer again. His jaw clapped shut, his cheeks flushing as he caught the scent of fancy shampoo off her hair.

"I mean it, Gil," she pressed, and he barely had to time to ask how she knew his name. "Taunt him, tease him, do anything necessary to make him lose his cool. It could end up saving your life if I'm not there."

"If you're not-"

"And stop cowering during the training sessions!" She was back to ordering him. She stepped back though, placing her hands on her hips. "I know how strong you are. You thought no one was looking but I've seen you re-rack the training weights like they're scraps of paper."

Yeah, it was from a lifetime of hauling fishnets onto the boats. It was a core workout if ever there was one.

"We might have to play their game, but I refuse to believe that our only allies are ourselves," she stated outright, gripping her fists as if she had her signature dual blades in her hands. "My advisor is sweet--maybe a little too sweet for all of this. But Ajak knows how the games work, how to get sponsors and how to poll well so people want to keep you around."

Well, that was easy for her to say, Gil couldn't help thinking. She was cool, beautiful, had that kind of unattainable don't-talk-to-me charm that could drive guys nuts. Of course she would be popular with the audience!

"I've got my eye on you, Gilgamesh," she concluded, stepping towards the door again. She looked at him over her shoulder. "Just...remember what I said when you're out there."

He didn't know if she meant in the training room or once they were really out there in the field. But he nodded, newly convinced that yeah--maybe he could make it through this. Just maybe.

[noodlecontuco]

impostor syndrome, love languages and other issues

Lately, I've been thinking about my own desires and how I thought I knew what I wanted. How did I went from crying over the fear of not making friends to complain about the ones I've got? Now, I know I might seem like an asshole to you right now, but give me a chance to explain myself. Then, if you want to, you can keep on hating me.

Last summer, I went on a full-on crisis over the fact that I find it so difficult to make new friends. Over the last months of highschool, my closest friend group was falling apart. We were all trying to make it look like it wasn't, still hanging out together and so, but truth is, we were about to start a new chapter of our lives. And they were all going to the same place, while I had to move to another city. Besides, I was experiencing the fallout of one of my longest relationships with my best friend at the moment. That's when I began to worry (too late) about the fact that I didn't have any more friends than those three. And that was the moment the anxiety hit.

"What if I don't make any friends?", "I have such a hard time talking first to someone I don't know, what if no one talks to me during the first week of college and then, before I can notice, everyone has their friend group and I get left out?", "How is it that you make friends anyway? I sure as hell don't know, I haven't done it since I was twelve" etcetera, etcetera. I made all these questions to my therapist. She said that I should stop worrying so much, that things would develop at their own pace and that I would definitely make some new friends. The idea of not getting along with anyone in a classroom full of people that shared my passions was unfathomable, right? It was stupid to think like that, I know it now. But at the time, I was terrified. I felt like I was walking around in a dark, empty room, with my hands tied behind my back and my eyes covered. I spent the worst summer ever since 2018. I was alone with my thoughts for the entirety of the three months that you're supposed to spend with friends.

I ended up developing some kind of excessive attachment to a group of friends, all younger than me, that used to be my secondary friend group since I was 15. One of them specifically became my best friend, but she doesn't know it. I never told her. I don't want to make her think that she owes me something, because she doesn't. I'm fine with just loving her from the distance, thinking fondly of her whenever I hear someone talk about their best friend. I never told her because I know it isn't mutual. And it's okay, she has her own best friend, and so does everyone in that friend group. They are my first option, but I'm not and I have to learn to live with that. I have. It might seem like I'm complaining, but I assure you I'm not. It even feels better this way. Bittersweet, but better nonetheless, because lately I came to the realization that being some people's best friend is too much of a hassle. And that's how we get to the central subject for today.

Fast forward to the present, I'm two months in into the whole college experience, and I have made friends. On the second week, a girl and me started a conversation with another student over the subject of her shirt, that had a cool print on it. We all became friends, so I started to hang out with them more. And more. I suggested going to the theater together once, and getting together for a study session another time. I did this because I needed to do these things anyway and I figured that they would also find it useful. And that was my mistake. One of these girls became too attached to me. Right now, I think I might be her best friend in college. She has gifted me three cans of Sprite just because I once said I liked it. She has given me at least two paper hearts she made herself. She has gifted me a bar of chapstick because she saw my lips were cracked. Take note that she has bought all of these things right in front of me, also, which makes it even worse. Fun fact about me: I hate "just because" gifts. I probably have some kind of trauma when it comes to money, but I don't like other people buying things for me for absolutely no reason. I am very proud of my economic independence (hey, at least I got something good out of the trauma, right?). So, all of these gifts felt... Not right. But the worst part is that this girl has said to me, verbally, that she appreciates me a lot. And I can't brush that off with an awkward "ahh thank you!"

Two months. Only two months. She's sitting right next to me as I write. And I don't know, maybe I'm used to other kind of love, a kind of love that you don't see, so it might not even be love at all. I don't like this kind of love that she gives me. I'm uncomfortable with it, I'm physically and psychologically uncomfortable every time she names things she likes about me without me asking. And the noose tightens around my neck when she asks me to say things that I like about her because I don't know her too well to tell. She sees things in me that I'm not able to and I. Don't. Like. It.

I came to the realization that I'm fine with keeping everyone at arm's length. With having someone to talk to and no one to share a philosophical conversation with, at least until I find the right person, because I'm sure she's not. And yes, you might say that, considering the amount of effort it takes me to make a new friend, I can't afford to be picky, but I know for a fact that I don't want ANYONE to depend on me.

This has already happened, not so long ago. I let someone get too close. I should have told them that I didn't feel the same way earlier, but I didn't, and I'm pretty sure I hurt them even more than if I had just rejected them from the beginning. But if that's what I have to do with everyone that gets close, then what's my destiny? Am I so determined to keep this "I can do it alone" facade that I can't see the fact that I will actually end up alone? And it's so hard to explain to anyone else who is not me. Because if I put it in words, they would think that I'm doing it because I'm scared of getting hurt again. Even my therapist said that to me once. "Are you sure that you're uncomfortable with him getting attached or is it you the one who doesn't want to catch feelings?" At the moment, I didn't know what to answer. How do I know what my subconscious mind thinks? Maybe that is the reason, but the only thing I sure as hell know is that he made me uncomfortable. That she makes me uncomfortable. It's not even their fault. It's their way of showing love that I'm uncomfortable with. Why do they have to be so serious about how much they like me? Why can't they be like me? I do tell people I like them, don't misunderstand. A lot of people around me think that physical contact is my love language, but they're wrong. Physical contact is how I answer when people tell me nice things, because it's the only non-verbal and immediate alternative to words of affirmation and God knows I'm not good at talking.

When I want to express love, I normally do it in quality time or acts of service. Once in a while, you might even hear words of affirmation leave my mouth, but in a harsh, sometimes even blunt way. To make you feel like you don't need to answer. That I'm just telling you because I saw that part of you that I liked and I'm acknowledging it. Never in the way of complete devotion. That's too much responsibility to put on someone's shoulders.

Maybe it's the fact that I compare every single relationship I have now with what I used to have with my former best friend. I used to complain that she never showed she cared about me. Yeah, I know, I just can't be satisfied.

So, we circle back to the main question; what the actual fuck is wrong with me? Why does simple appreciation makes me feel so anxious, so guilty that my throat starts to close until I can no longer breathe? Why can't I stop believing that they're all lies? I don't deny that some people may actually believe I'm as cool as they describe me, but I know that it's not true. And no matter how much people keep on trying to make me believe the lie, I am simply not able to. None of my accomplishments feels real to me. Not even the biggest ones. Everytime I think I have accomplished something big, my brain tells me "Maybe you won only because the rest of them were mediocre. That doesn't make you good. That makes you good in comparison, which is totally different".

Yeah, my brain is a bitch.

The only good thing about it, it's that it pushes me to try even harder to earn what I think haven't earned yet. I only fear that I end up giving up on life for the stupid reason of not being enough for my own standars.

Let's hope we don't get to that.

----------------------------------------------------------

21/05/23

[izzy-b-hands]

Mum wanted a make up hang out day belated for my bday, i thought that sounded cool. Been off one of my most needed meds since part of my vacation, so chores were a bit behind, and I admit I could have done better trying to catch up and communicate about what she wanted/needed for the night

Which led to dinner being fine, but then a major crying session from her over my not being caught up on chores and 'i dont know how to help you, sometimes I think it's hopeless' which like. cool, thanks for that, way to make me feel like I should cease existing for struggling with chores. The house isn't a total sty, I've even walked my therapist around during telehealth and she said she's seen much much worse, and that ive come so far from where I was pre therapy

Then it turned into her being pissy that she didn't like a recently released movie we rented that we'd both wanted to see and 'i dont feel entertained' which like fuck man. I didn't know if we'd like it or not, all we could do was try it!

then she did the 'oh im such a shit mum' routine so i painted my nails while soothing her and reassuring her i am going to try even harder to do better at cleaning (i am, I'm looking up extra techniques for dealing with it on extra bad mental health days so i don't fall behind as much hopefully, because i don't like that my brain makes this fuckin hard for me, it embarrasses me and makes me feel like a shit human constantly)

she just left and spent the morning making more comments abt the cleaning but backing it with 'not to make you feel bad' on all of it and im just. im tired. maybe i really do need to move away to tackle my issues and get out from the unhealthy codependency her and i have (my therapist is constantly helping me work on my side of it, but mum refuses to believe her abt it and won't attend anymore sessions with me to help us work on it)

I slept maybe three hours, had to be stoned the whole time to keep from crying, and desperately want to fall off the wagon with booze rn. i have lemonade and limoncello that would go so well together. maybe i could do a big clean if i get cross faded today and just do nothing else

what i really wanna do is nap, cry, watch something, and then tackle the cleaning tonight when I'll now inevitably be wide fucking awake, but idk. probably shouldn't. does it even matter if im still disappointing her and the family overall no matter what? like the tree falling in a forest thing, isnt it?

[omniuravity]

Warnings DARK CONTENT: Contains minor and some major spoilers for American Horror Story: Murder House,attempted suicide, language, smoking, implied sex, murder, blood, drug abuse, mentions of social (specifically school related) violence, horror, hostage situations, manipulation, infidelity, pregnancy, miscarriage, and grief...lots of it

A/n: This is the first fic I have written in 4 years, and I know it's not the best, but I worked really hard and I hope you guys enjoy this. This also takes place after the events of the first season of American Horror Story.

"If you're trying to kill yourself, cut vertically. They can't stitch that up." he said making you jump a little. "How the hell did you get in here?" you ask slightly frightened as your blood dripped down your arm. "Another tip, if you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door." he said with a slight smirk on his face.

Recently you moved into a house that was home to a lot of murders, hence the house has been dubbed, the "Murder House." Your father was a psychiatrist, and your mother, was a stay at home mom. Your father worked at home, so he could stay close to the family after his infidelity, and your mother's miscarriage. It was strangely similar to the story of the Harmon family, the last family that lived and died in the house before you. You recently started school at Westfield High where you were bullied for simply being the new kid, as well as the fact that you smoked. All of the overwhelming grief caused you to have suicidal thoughts about it all. Then he started showing up. The boy who frightened you had messy indigo hair, and tired purple eyes, as well as a smug expression on his face.

"How did you get into the house?" you asked covering up your arms with your sweater, still a little spooked by the strange boy. "I was in a therapy session with your father, and I decided to wander a bit. You know this used to be my room, before I moved." he said with a slight grin. "That's pretty cool I guess." you say hesitant to trust him. You had heard rumors that every person who lived in this house died in this house except for an old woman named Constance, who died a while back, and Vivien Harmon's son, Michael who had disappeared. However, you didn't believe in ghosts or spirits of any sort.

"I'm Hitoshi." he said introducing himself. You could tell he was trying to make a good impression, "Y/n." you said softly introducing yourself. You quickly came to realize there was something special about this boy, something you couldn't quite explain. He smiled before hearing some rattling upstairs, "I've got to go." he said. You turned away from the mirror to say goodbye, then he was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I fucking hate school so much!" you yelled in anguish. You just got home from a huge fight at school, because of a girl teasing you for smoking and being the new kid. "If you're having issues with a bully just kill her." Shinsou said nonchalantly. You looked at him in disbelief, "Are you insane? I can't kill someone." you said. "Then just scare her. Get her to come here and go to the basement, then we can scare her." he said with a smirk.

You look at him again this time with confusion, "And how do you expect me to do that genius?" you ask. He chuckled a little, "You underestimate me, Y/n. Does she do drugs or something?" he asked. You remember her saying something about doing coke. "I think she does coke, but I don't do drugs, so I don't have any here." you say. "Don't worry, you don't need to have it. That's just how you get her here and into the basement. Then I'll take over from there." he said holding your hand, comforting you in a way.

You approached the girl who hurt you the next day, and told her that you had coke for her, and surprisingly after school she came over to get it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well where are they?" she asked walking down to the basement with you. "I have to keep it down here, you know, so my parents don't find it." you said trying to keep a straight face. When the two of you get down there you see Shinsou in a rocking chair, "Why, hello." he said with a smirk, then all of the sudden the lights went out and he was gone. There were a lot of flashing lights and screaming going on, but you couldn't make out what you saw exactly what you saw in the darkness until it came at you. It was a small pale white creature with sharp teeth, and claws. The girl was on the floor crying in her own blood, though she definitely wasn't dead. Shinsou grabbed you and yelled, "Go away!" at the creature until it was gone and the lights were back on, then Shinsou was gone as well.

The girl quickly got up clutching her cheek, which had deep claw marks in it, "You fucking freak!" she cried as she ran out of the house. When she was gone Shinsou came up behind you who was also spooked from the thing you saw, "Hey, are you okay." he said trying to calm you down. You turned to him, "What the hell was that thing?" you asked. He looked at you confused, "What do you mean y/n? That was just me." he said pretending like he didn't see the creature. You backed away out of his arms, "Don't play with me, what was that thing?" you asked. He held you, "I don't know what you're talking about." he said before taking you back upstairs convincing you that you saw nothing that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon Halloween rolled around, and you were ready for your date with Shinsou, despite your father's instant disapproval of his patient dating his only daughter. You got yourself ready for your Halloween date and went out the door with Shinsou. The two of you walked to the beach, and picked out a spot where you could see hundreds of stars, "I used to come here to get away from it all." he said holding your hand, "My mom was constantly cheating on my dad, and my dad was cheating on my mom. One day he just up and left, and it was just me and my mom." he said. You looked at him, over the past couple of months you had grown to fall for him. You cautiously leaned into him and kissed his lips. He was so gentle, and his lips were so soft that you could to this forever. You moved your hand to his crotch, "I wanna do it, please." you said softly. He froze, he knew what would happen if he continued, but he did it anyway. He moved himself on top of you, "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He huffed as he pulled out of you, and laid on his back for a moment letting his mind process what the two of you did. You smile at him, "I love you Shinsou." you say softly. He smiled and looked at you, "I love you too, y/n." he said before getting his clothes back on and taking you home.

During the walk back you looked at him, "It was your first time wasn't it?" you asked. He looked at you, "As much as I would like to say yes, it wasn't my first. You?" he asked, and you nodded. He sighed, "Sorry." he said. You looked at him again, "Don't be, I'm glad you were my first." you said.

You got back home and most of the lights were out so you assumed your parents were asleep. He held your hands, "Y/n I want to show you something." he said gently. You nod, "Of course you can show me." you say trusting him. He took you inside into a small crawlspace in the basement. You both soon arrived to an area with a large drop. He shined the flashlight into the hole to reveal something truly horrifying, your dead mangled corpse. You scream loudly and pass out.

[unkownknowledge]

Genshin characters and their spider s/o

A little crossover HC post between terraformars and genshin.

Basically the reader is the result of a messed up experiment and now they look like a monstrous humanoid spider, like this guy:

Except you have no human skin or hair, just pure chitin, extra legs out the back, and mandibles(like a turian)

Also: request are still open, feel free to request!

Including: Jean, Xinqiu, and Razor

_____________________________

Jean: hollow knight

_____________________________

Jean had been receiving reports of frightened merchants and townsfolk, all of whom had been found on the road ranting about a giant spider.

Jean was sure it was nothing more than hilichurls or hoarders or abyss mages and the people were merely suffering panic induced hallucinations, this was supported by the clear signs of such dangers at the scene of the crime.

But still, neither any of the knights nor adventurers in the guild reported saving these people, nor did Diluc claim that he did when she asked him.

So Jean decided to investigate, after all not only is there a chance of finding camps of the three above dangers, but also the chance of finding a new ally.

When she saw you in a clearing you looked like a normal human, until you turned your head in an inhuman manner and looked at her with eight red glowing eyes.

You screamed at her and used your geo vision to grow eight giant legs out your back, which you used to run away.

Jean, being the persistent woman she is, wasn't about let you go until she confirmed if you were a friend or foe.

She chased you through the forest for a while, and unfortunately didn't notice a group of hilichurls hiding behind some trees.

One swung out and struck her from behind, knocking her to the ground.

At the sound of this you turned around and saw Jean on the ground.

While she easily could have beaten the hilichurls, she didn't have to. This is because you were immediately next to her, sword drawn and slicing through the monsters like a hot knife through butter. Your geo legs acted like extra blades that parried any attack directed towards the knight.

Because you're other legs were busy, however, you were unable to block the attack from a crossbow that shot right through your knee.

You fell down and were beaten senseless by the hilichurls, the last thing you remember was the sounds of a blade and the monsters turning to dust before you blacked out.

You woke up on a soft bed inside an unfamiliar building. You tried to get up but your knee had a large hole in it, luckily for you your ability to feel pain was long lost.

Jean entered a minute later with some food, "good, your awake."

"Where am I?" You asked.

"In my home, the guest room to be exact."

"Why did you save me?"

"Because you were in danger."

"Yes but why? Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Considering how you saved me as well? No, not at all."

Jean poured some tea for both of you, "now onto-"

You felt your eyes water, something you didn't realize you could still do.

"What's wrong?" Jean asked.

"It's just, it's been so long since anyone was...nice to me. My appearance isn't exactly very welcoming."

"And yet you still help people, the same people who call you a monster?"

"Of course! I might be an abomination, but I'm not a monster. In fact, before I became...this I had always dreamed of joining the knights."

"Well, that makes things easy."

"What do you mean?"

"While I cannot officially make you a knight, I can make you an honorary member of the knights of favonius."

"REALLY!?" You said, a child like excitment on your face.

So you joined the knights, of course not everyone was happy about this.

But noone doubted the acting grand master's decision, after all she never once failed the city.

After a while the city warmed up to you, even hailing you as a hero thanks to all you've done!

But the city's attitude towards you wasn't the only thing getting warmer.

Infact, a certain person's cheeks seemed to grow red as Amber's ribbon at the mere mention of your name.

Lisa and Kaeya were the first to notice Jean's infatuation with you, and they were quite intent on helping her.

It would be easy for them to set it up: you were cold blooded, so you had a heater in your room during the winter, and thanks to a 'freak lightning strike', your house was under renovations for the whole season, this caused Jean to let you stay in her home until yours was repaired.

Now all they had to do was sneak in an 'cool it' down.

You awoke in the middle of the night due to the temperature suddenly dropping. You tried turning on your heater but that didn't work. You went downstairs to make some hot tea, unaware that Kaeya swapped the labels on Jean's coffee and your tea. After making the beverage you sat down in the warmest corner, covered in blankets, and with a warm drink in hand.

Fun fact! Spiders get hella drunk off caffeine.

You are a spider.

One sip of the coffee and you felt funny, you couldn't think straight and felt wobbly.

Kaeya and Lisa giggled watching you.

"So, how DID you get them drunk? You couldn't exactly have spiked their tea could you?" Lisa asked.

"I swapped the labels on their tea and Jeans coffee. Spiders get hella drunk on-" Kaeya noticed Lisa worried face, "fuck, what did I do this time?"

"Kaeya, spiders don't get drunk on caffeine like humans do with alcohol."

Lisa pointed Kaeya towards the window

"Whoops"

Caffeine doesn't make spiders drunk the same way alchohol does a person, which is what Kaeya expected.

Caffeine makes spiders hyper, very hyper.

When Jean heard skittering and clanging she thought someone was robbing the house, so she was reasonably surprised to see you lying in the center of the kitchen, crying, and with webs all over.

When she asked what happened you just rolled over and mumbled out gibberish about how you can't catch any flies.

Jean picked you up to take you to bed, but you wrapped your arms and legs around her and caused her to fall.

"(Y/n), please let me go." Jean pleaded.

You shushed her, "nap time" and fell asleep.

Your grip was to strong for her to get out, and with your weight she couldn't get up in this position, so she just had to wait for you to get up.

The next day Jean got up the same time as you, she would have said something if you didn't kiss her and pet her head.

"I love this dream." You said, nuzzling into the crook of her neck.

Jean was shocked, what dream? You were clearly awake.

"I wonder if Jean is this warm in real life....I wish I could find out..."

"(Y-y/n)" she stuttered out, "you're not dreaming."

You shot up with all your eyes wide as saucers.

You immediately thought of running. But where would you go? The forest? Yeah, that works, just go there a-

You felt a warm sensation on your cheek.

"So (y/n), how does this dream usually go?" Jean said with a suggestive wink.

.

.

.

"(Y/n)?"

404 error, reader.exe has crashed

After that rather unconventional confession session, you both started dating.

Jean was concerned about not having enough time for you, but that proved to be very unfounded. Thanks to your many years alone you didn't know what dating was, so to you simply working together was fine.

On every mission out of the city you would bring gifts or a picnic for when the sun was setting.

On days where you both had paper work you would make tea and buy little cakes or biscuits and sit on her lap as you rested on eachother's shoulders and fed each other snacks, under the excuse that "sharing a chair saves space".

On the rare occasion Jean gets to have a day off, she showers you in affection.

She'll make you breakfast in bed(it's not good 80% of the time, but you don't tell her), she'll cuddle with you all day, she'll even read to you if you want. She wants to give back to you for all the time she couldn't give you her full attention.

_____________________________

Xingqiu: it's like one of my Inazuman graphic novels

_____________________________

Your meeting with the guhua geek was far more coincidental.

You were just minding your business, catching some animals to eat, when some weird guy just walks by you, not noticing you at all, as he reads his book.

You were rather suprised and, by extension, curious about this boy.

Was he blind in peripheral? Was he that brave? Was he an idiot?

A bit of colum B, mostly colum C.

Xingqiu sat down on a rock and continued reading, given how he was reading aloud you figured you might as well take advantage of his lack of notice and learn to read.

But he did notice.

"Ah shoot, spaces out again." Xingqiu cried, "now I have to start all over."

Xingqiu started reading the book all over again, much to your joy.

You could easily match his words to the page thanks to your speed of comprehension.

When the boy noticed it was getting late he decided to head home, while you were upset you didn't try and stop him. In fact you immediately darted away before he saw you.

The next day he came back, and read from the same spot.

And again

And again

This went on for quite some time.

Xingqiu knew someone was watching him, but he never was able to catch a glimpse. He just figured it was someone who wanted to read legends of the shattered halberd but couldn't find any copies, and so the chivalrous thing to do would be to read it for them.

One day he finished the fifth book and proclaimed it was the last one, which made you rather sad.

Until he spoke to you.

"Well my secretive friend," he turned around, "shall w-"

You screamed

He screamed

For about five minutes.

After which you both just stared at eachother.

He pointed a shakey finger at you, "you're-"

You turned away, 'a freak I know' you thought.

"SO COOL!"

"What?"

Xingqiu immediately ran at you and started inspecting you.

The whole time he had such an amazed look on his face.

"Woah!" He said as he grabbed your mandibles, "are these real?!"

"Ye ey are, a ah ee e ah a" you said hoping he would understand that you need them to talk.

"Oh. Hehe. Sorry." He said releasing them.

"Aren't you...scared of me?" You asked.

"Why would I be? If you wanted to kill me you would have. It's not like I was particularly on guard when I was reading for you."

'Y-you knew I was there?"

"I knew someone was there, and I knew they were watching me read. Since you showed such interest in my book I thought the only chivalrous thing to do was to keep reading."

You were shocked, most people just ran and screamed upon seeing you.

"Now, shall we go look for the sixth book?"

After that you and Xingqiu became fast friends.

He used some of the money he made from the scam he pulled on that scammer to buy out the forest you lived in, making it officially private property so that people won't go after you.

He kept coming back with books for you both to read, you absolutely loved it!

And while you never realized it, you also loved him.

He however, did know he loved you.

Being the menace to society he is, Xingqiu decided the best way to confess was to just kiss you.

You're sitting on a stump with your head on Xingqiu's shoulder.

"This book isn't as good as the others." You say.

"Ah don't be like that, fairy tales are the foundation of all those 'knight in shining armor books' you love."

"Yeah but this is boring."

"True, true. But I think it has a great ending." Xingqiu turned to the final page, "and then the knight told the (royal title) how much he loved them, and to seal his love he placed a kiss on their cheek."

"That wasn't good."

"Why? It was very realistic."

"In what reality does someone confess by kiss-"

*smooch*

It took you a solid five seconds to process what happened.

Xingqiu smirked at you like the bastard man he is, "this one I believe."

Your mandibles hung slack as your face got a dark shade of blue.

"Uh, (y/n)?"

"Clothes off, now."

Xingqiu stumbled out the forest four hours later. Chongyun, who was protecting his privacy, asked him what's wrong.

"Absolutely nothing." He responded with the largest grin a human could muster, before his legs gave out, "can you carry me home?"

Your relationship was more steady than just that bit though.

Xingqiu spent as much time with you as he could, he even learned how to hunt so he could be with you while you hunted for food.

You never left your forest though, you were far to afraid of people and especially the vigilant yaksha(which Xingqiu tried to convince you was friendly).

Of course, not everything goes so simply.

Xingqiu was skipping through the forest, far to enamoured at the idea of you to notice someone following him.

You sat calmly on your rock and awaited your boyfriend of two years, today was his birthday so you made him a beautiful silk picture of his favorite scene from 'the legend of the broken halberd'

You felt the boy drop into your lap, "hello my love!"

You wrapped your arms and extra legs around him, "hello my little knight, I have a wonderful gift for-"

"XINQIU! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!"

You both turned around to see a man who looked oddly like Xingqiu.

"H-hey big bro..." Xingqiu said, clearly nervous.

"You're his brother?" You asked, "nice to meet you! I'm your future sibling in law!"

His brother looked surprised, then angry, "Xingqiu, a word."

"No," he responded, "anything you can say to me you can say to my (s/o)."

"Xingqiu, this is not a game."

"ANYTHING," Xingqiu said, far more aggressive, "you can say to me, you can say to them."

His brother sighed, "you can't date them."

"I believe I can."

"XINGQIU! ME AND FATHER HAVE TOLERATED ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDISHNESS! YOU ARE AN HEIR OF THE FEIYUN COMMERCE GUILD, YOU CANNOT DATE THAT-THAT THING!"

Xingqiu shot up into a fighting stance, "care to repeat that?"

Xingqiu stared down his brother with murderous intent.

"So you wont back down?"

"Never, I love (y/n) to much!"

"If you don't leave them, you'll be disowned by father, all your wealth, power, and influence will be forfeited. All for an inhuman freak!"

"Xinqiu please," you tried telling your beloved, "I won't let you sacrifice-"

"Sorry darling, but I don't give a damn." He interrupted you before turning to his brother, "I will NOT abandon my beloved (y/n)! They are the most precious thing in the world to me! So go ahead! Strip me if my title, my riches, of my very skin! My heart will yearn for nothing else but the cold hard touch of love that is my (s/o)!"

Xinqiu's brother smirked

"So, you promise to always be with (y/n)?"

"Yes!"

"Through both sickness and health?"

As smart as he was, Xinqiu couldn't see what was happening, "with all my heart and soul!"

"And you would take (Y/N) as your contractually bound spouse?"

"I would sooner bite my arm off than live another day without them as such! In fact!" Xinqiu turned to you, "(Y/N)! WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! COME ON!"

"Hold it!" His brother demanded, "(Y/N)! Would you stay with my brother, Xinqiu, through sickness and health, through rags and riches?"

You nodded, "forever and always!"

"And would you take him to be your contractually bound husband?"

"E-even if I had to fight Rex Lapis himself!"

Two burly hands grabbed the couple and pushed them together, "You may now kiss the bride!"

Without thought, you two kissed each other, not thinking to question the cheering, clapping, and crying-

You both pulled apart, "what the abyss is happening here?!"

The burly arms, now wrapping you both, was an older crying man who also looked like Xinqiu.

Xinqiu's Brother was crying and clapping.

Chongyun was blasting off party cones(🎉🎉these things)

And several other of Xinqiu's friends were there celebrating.

"W-wait..." Xinqiu started to remember that his brother, as a high ranking member of a commerce guild, can officiate marriages.

The older man, Xinqiu's father, cried and said, "finally! Grandchildren!"

(If you can't have babies, adoption exists and is perfectly normal)

Needless to say

404 error, Xinqiu.exe and Reader.exe have stopped working

_____________________________

Razor: the big bad spider and the itsy bitsy spider

_____________________________

(Please understand that my knowledge of Razor is based on his quest, I know of his special vision but it won't be brought up for this. I will be sure to read the wiki page for him if I write him again)

Razor knew something was wrong.

His wolf side told him something was wrong with the forest, and his human side told him it should be either avoided at all cost or destroyed.

Because it had stayed away he had largely tried to just avoid it and keep his lupical away from whatever IT is.

Until a foolish pup decided to try and defeat whatever big bad monster had their protector so scared.

Razor ran faster than any lightning bolt upon hearing the news.

Razor didn't know what he was seeing: giant webs strewn out covering entire trees, boars and Hilichurls wrapped in webs and frozen in a sickly green.

And at the center of it all was a giant, monstrous creature with eight leg like roots coming from it's back, feeding off the life of all the creatures stuck here.

This is what he was afraid of, the beast that every inch of his primal self screamed to get away from.

But he couldn't, not until he found the pup!-

"Hello." You said calmly to the strange man coming into your home, "is this your's?"

You outstretched your hand and a sleeping pup drifted towards razor on a flower.

"He caused lots of problems, so I made him sleep. Don't worry, it's nothing permanent, give him an hour or two and he'll be right up."

After Razor left, you assumed that would be the last disturbance for a while.

But it wasn't.

Razor's wolf half still feared you, was still mortified when he pictured your spider like face, your towering body, everything.

But his human half...teembled.

Not in fear, but in a different way.

He couldn't stop thinking of you, and his primal upbringing did little to quell the less romantic thoughts about your gem like eyes, the way your mandibles clicked and moved when you talked, the overwhelming nature energy that you radiated.

But he still knew good enough to get to know you better.

Just not HOW to do it.

"Why are you spider?"

Is not a good first thing to ask.

But you explained regardless: you were taken as a kid and experimented on by some rogue students from Sumeru academy.

Then some purple lady rescued you, and while you were grateful you much preferred living out in the wild.

"Yes...wild is good! Wolvendom, especially good!"

Someone please help him.

"Purple lady....ah! Shockey wizard lady from knights?"

You nodded

"Razor good friends with her and honorary knight! Do you know red flamy girl?"

"Klee? Oh yes! I love her! She's such a nice kid!"

"Yes, Klee is like lupical! Even if she...burns down forest from time to time."

Lucky for him, your shared familial love for the pyromaniacal minor helped bridge the gap between you two.

Eventually he even got you to leave your grotto(?) And meet his lupical!

He introduced you to the wonders of actually eating rather than just sucking the life force out of animals.

You both love and protect the forest of wolvendom, and if any large threat arises to it then you both will fight fang and claw to protect your home!

Neither of you know what love is in the human sense, but you both feel it to each other and act upon it: giving each other a portion of your food, taking blows in battle for each other, and cuddling more intimately than just friends would.

You are his lupical, and so much more.

_____________________________

I started this near last year's end, it took me till now to realize I should only do 3 characters.

(Paging: @golden-wingseos, @storytravelled)

[loridrabbles]

Imprisoned | Dogma x Reader (Part 22)

     Dogma awoke to two guards standing over him, a pair of shackles in hand, but no muzzle. They stood, unmoving, waiting for him to wake up to the demands they spat at him. Unbeknownst to him, they were the same two guards who discovered that he and (y/n) had had a child, Frigate and Hubris.

     "Your retrial is today." One spoke while the other put him in chains. "It starts in an hour. We're taking you to get cleaned up, then we will escort you to the court room where you will meet with your defendants." 

     "It's today?" He asked. He hadn't expected it to come so soon, though throughout the months, had lost track of the days, even though the prisoners were alerted as to when sunrise came and went. There were days where he didn't notice, but he slept through the day after taking a mid morning nap and wouldn't wake until the next morning. Was it depression? Stress? Emotional exhaustion? Or maybe just plain old physical exhaustion. 

     "That's what I just said isn't it?" Hubris responded. "Let's get going. We don't have all day." 

     The guards escorted him up and out of the depths of the prison, to a wing that looked like a medical facility. He assumed it was the same place (y/n) was taken when she was cleaned up for her trial. They reached a door and Frigate fumbled with the key card to get in. While Hubris berated his partner, Dogma examined his surroundings. His assumptions were made true when he spotted dried stains between the tiles on the floor. Not very much, but it was old and brown, unmistakably blood. He didn't have a very close relationship with Kix, but he missed him regardless.

     (Y/n)'s heart pounded as she entered the court room. She passed by so many unfamiliar faces and felt trapped under their gaze. She spotted Rex giving her a hopeful smile as she walked to the stand. Kix accompanied him. His wheelchair was nowhere in sight, but he still depended on a set of crutches. (Y/n) sat next to them having decided the night before that it would be too nerve racking for her to testify. The court was quiet, everyone's head's snapped to a door as it opened. Two guards entered followed by Dogma. (Y/n)'s heart jumped to her throat and tears pricked her eyes as she gasped quietly. She felt Rex place a hand on her shoulder and Dogma smiled at her and he took his place at the stand. 

     "All rise." The magistrate spoke to the crowd as the judge entered the room. "Department one of the court is now in session. Judge Abedion presiding."

     "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Calling the case of the Republic versus CT-4573. Are both sides ready?" The judge asked. His voice was kind, but authoritative and commanded the room. Both parties indicated they were ready to begin. "Now, Mr... Dogma, is it? I have been examining your case since it was submitted months ago and I already have in mind what I believe to be the proper outcome, but I will still humor a case and an argument from both parties. I'm curious to see what your attorneys have to say. Miss Amidala."

     "Thank you your honor. My client will in fact today be found not guilty for the crime he is accused of. The Republic accused him of killing a Jedi general without permission from a superior. However, the law states that an able soldier may continue a superior's plan of action if that superior becomes unable to carry out stated action. His Captain, Captain Rex, had the authority to execute the Jedi general Pong Krell, and upon attempt to exert that authority, was rendered unable to do so. Rightfully, Dogma took his place, and executed the General himself."

     "Is it not true that, immediately before the execution of the General, your client was imprisoned by the Captain himself."

     "Yes, your honor."

     "And why is that?" The judge questioned. 

     "He had drawn his weapon on him."

     "Any why would an able soldier, draw his weapon on his superior?"

     "He was defending the General, your honor. It wasn't until the moments leading up to the execution that it was brought to my client's attention that the general was a traitor." Padmé spoke smoothly and with confidence. (Y/n) nervously shifted in her chair.

     "I believe in a statement received from CT-7567 that what you are saying is true, however, when was it stated that CT-4573 was a soldier granted capability to take place in executions?"

     "Hours before the execution, General Pong Krell himself made Dogma the executioner for two other troopers." Padmé responded.

     "So, it sounds to me that there was no reason Dogma was not permitted to execute the general. Would you agree?"

    "Yes, your honor."

    "Now a question I have for you is, who is to decide whether or not the General was worthy of execution?"

     The conversation between the judge, Padmé, and the prosecutors went on for hours. Tension was high and half the court room was on the edge of their seats, the other half biting their nails. The trial was emotionally exhausting and (y/n) could feel herself about to break. One minute, the judge would seem to be in Dogma's favor, and the next he would be almost insulting him. The judge stood.

     "I believe I have all the information I need to make a decision. The jury will now retire to deliberate." The judge slammed down the gavel and left the stand followed by the jury.

      The court was filled with chatter as Dogma was escorted out of the court while the parties deliberated in the back rooms. (Y/n) sighed and put her head in her hands, leaning on the ledge in front of her. She felt Rex give her a reassuring rub on her back. Barely an hour passed before the jury returned, which according to Padmé was a bad sign.

     "This court is now in session." The judge said, banging the gavel as Dogma took his place at the stand. "Has the jury reached a verdict?"

     "We have, your honor." Nearly the entire courtroom stood in anticipation of the verdict.

     "Members of the jury in the case of CT-4573 V. The Republic what say you?"

     "Your honor, the members of the jury find the defendant guilty." 

     (Y/n)'s heart sank and she wanted to cry. Her breath shook and tears stung her eyes. Her head spun and she felt like vomiting and wished this day had never come. The court around her chattered in disapproval.

     "CT-4573 the jury finds you guilty of one count of second degree murder and treason." The judge spoke. "However, I disagree with their ruling and overrule their decision."  The people in the court gasped and began talking louder, quieting down upon hearing the gavel and the judge declaring order. "Sir, I do not find that the jury has reasonable enough evidence to declare you guilty of these crimes. No one in this room, but the two men sitting behind you know what happened during that campaign, at least not the full truth. None of us will ever know. I believe the decision you made may have been the right one." The judge leaned on his elbows with is hands folded in front of him, a slight smirk on his face. "I find you not guilty of these crimes. But, now we have another issue to address. Unfortunately, as a clone, you are property of the Republic, and I cannot let you go as a free man. It is now the 23rd of the standard month, by the 1st of the next I am sending you back to the 501st." 

     "Yes, sir." Dogma spoke.

     "But we have yet another issue to address. I understand you have a child now. Am I correct?" The judge asked with a soft smile.

     "Yes, sir." Dogma answered.

     "How old?" 

     "11 weeks, sir."

     "You love her?" The judged asked. Dogma could barely speak as tears stung his eyes. He nodded.

     "So much, sir." 

     "I understand. I'm a father myself, and I, in my right mind, cannot separate you from yours. You'll need each other moving forward. I'd like to work something out for you. I've reviewed the tapes of how you and your partner were treated in the prison and it's unnerving. That should never have happened and I'd like to make it up to you. You will be living at the base, whichever one your battalion is assigned to, however you will be permitted to move to and from on certain days when permitted by your general. Does that sound ok?"

     "Yes, sir." Dogma tried to smile holding back tears. "Thank you, sir."

     "Is there anything else I can do for you?" The judge smiled.

     "May I have permission to marry her?" He choked out.

     "Is that your girl behind you?" The judge asked, nodding towards (y/n) who's face was wet with tears. 

     "Yes, sir."

     "Yeah, you can." He smiled, giving him a curt nod before standing. "This court is adjourned." 

     The judge left the room as Dogma was escorted out. (Y/n) stood and rushed to Padmé.

     "What happens now."

     "He'll be processed and released. He can go home with you until the first of next month." She smiled as she was pulled into a tight hug. "He'll be released in an hour or so. Let's go wait for him outside the booking office."

     "Yes!" (Y/n) said, grabbing Padmé and Anakin's hands, dragging them out of the court. They waited impatiently outside the office. The cool spring air at night was soothing and dried the tears off (Y/n)'s face, but more were sure to come. The three of them chatted for a while and Kix and Rex joined them as they waited. Finally, the door opened and out walked Dogma. He was given brown pants and a white t shirt, civilian clothes, for his trip home.

     "(Y/n)!" He said as she ran towards him, jumping into his arms. He picked her up, hugging her so tightly she could've broken. He set her down and stood back, holding her face in his hands. "I love you so much." He said as he pulled her into a kiss.

     "I love you too." She leaned her head against his chest. "Let's go home. Saiorse is waiting." 

     "Oh, Saiorse. I can't wait to see her."

[rogue-barnes-16]

I'M A MONSTER

Summary: Y/n knew for a fact that Wanda was definitely not doing well when it came to dates. After a particular rough night, Y/n finds out the reason for what had been happening.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x fem!Reader

Genre: angst-fluff

Tags:

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, angst, makeout session

A/N: —

"Morning" I greeted the three members of the Avengers who were doing nothing but chill in the leisure room.

"Mornin' doll" Bucky replied without looking up from his laptop.

Clint gave me a quick glance before redirecting his whole attention to the TV show he was watching. "You look terrible."

"Thank you very much." I replied sarcastically, pouring myself a glass of orange juice. "it's Steve's fault, by the way." Bucky asked an intrigued 'how so', to which I responded. "had to train with him because someone didn't show up this morning, right Wan?"

The brunette witch, who hadn't even spared me a brief look, nor a single word, flickered her gaze to my form. "Sorry."

"what happened?" I asked, keeping it cool.

I didn't want her to realize I had heard her cry until she fell asleep the night before, right after she had come back from another date.

I didn't want her to know I was worried sick about something I wasn't supposed to know, so I kept it cool.

"Nothing," she shrugged turning the page of her book without making eye contact with anyone in the room. "I was just not in the mood."

"Wait what the fuck?" my eyes traveled to the archer. "Wanda, this doesn't work like that." Clint scolded her. "You gotta train every day, it's not about being 'in the mood', this is your job."

"Clint, give her a break." I tried to get in the middle and cool things down after seeing the way Wanda started to fidget with her ring, just like she did every time she was anxious or uncomfortable. "it was a one time thing."

"It wasn't." Bucky spoke, giving me a look before turning his gaze to Wanda. "I really hate to lecture you, but Barton's right." Wanda's green eyes looked for aid in mines, but I wasn't sure of how to help her. You've been skipping training on and off for two weeks, kid." she left the book aside and started pulling at her sleeves. "If you feel like you can't keep up with Y/n's rhythm, say it. Tony will change your partner but-"

She grabbed the book and, after abruptly getting up from the bed, Wanda stalked out of the room.

"what's gotten into her now?" Clint asked, rather worried.

"Dunno man." after Bucky’s reply to Clint's rhetorical question, the soldier's blue eyes lingered on my form, longer enough for me to notice. "Hey Y/n" When he called my attention, I knew he was onto something. "why don't you go and check on Maximoff?"

"Why would I?" I quietly asked whilst internally dying to sprint through the hall in order to reach Wanda's room.

Bucky waited an instant before answering me, in which he took the liberty of analyzing my body language. "You're the closest to the door." with a half grin playing in his lips, he turned back to the laptop.

Damn, he knew.

"I mean-" I cleared my throat, considering all my alternatives. "I think she just needs some time alone."

Nor Bucky, nor Clint turned around, but I could feel their confusion.

Despite my shocking reply, I wasn't actually lying.

Wanda was a very introverted girl, very sensitive. She had her own way of dealing with her own problems and, as much as I would love to help, her ways, more often than not, didn't include the girl who had fallen in love with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Friday night again.

Wanda had gone on a date again.

"you seem happy" I lazily commented, pretending I hadn't been stealing glances at her smile since that morning, when she received a message from a random stranger.

"Oh" she attempted to bit back a smile by chewing her lower lip. "Do I?" I turned around to see her struggling to zip up her dress. "Hey Y/n can you-"

"Hold on" I left the book I was reading aside and stepped towards her. "where ya going?" I questioned, parting her hair from her back.

"Uhm I have a..." I felt her, rather than heard her, sigh when my fingertips intentionally ghosted a line down from her neck to her bare low back before actually zipping her dress. "I have a date."

"Nice." I whispered, accommodating her long hair back in its initial place. "have fun and take care alright?" I struggled to pull my hands away from her.

"I will." she replied, turning around with beaming eyes that seemed to be waiting for something else from me. "don't worry."

I had been taking it out on one of the gym's punching bags for at least a couple of hours, until I was so tired that I couldn't walk, until I had no energy to keep hurting for things I would never say, until every feeling I had for Wanda had been shoved out of my body, at least for a while.

I was making my way to my room when I heard her crying again.

This time I was too tired to hold back, I was too tired to think about giving her space, and before I knew it, I was pushing open Wanda's room's door.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I tiredly asked, taking her completely off guard and, therefore, making her give me her back while she cleaned her tears.

"Nothing, I-I'm fine." she lamely lied.

"Wanda, don't even try, I'm not stupid." I replied, taking a few steps towards her. "almost every night you go out on a date, you come here crying."

She shook her head, slowly turning around, hugging herself. "That's not-"

"I swear on my life" I stared speaking, finally reaching her. "If those assholes are hurting you I'm gonna kill them one by fucking one."

"it's not like that." she muttered with trembling lips.

"what do you mean?"

"it's my fault" she choked up, finally making her green eyes, now glassy and bloodshot, dig into mines. "I'm a monster."

She let herself fall to the floor sat against the wall, straight up sobbing, and I couldn't do anything but stare blankly at her, barely starting to process what had just come out of her plump, rosy lips.

"Wanda" my voice sounded broken, but I couldn't help it. "Wanda, that's not true. What the fuck" I kneeled before her, caressing tenderly and reassuringly every part of her that I reached. "that's not fucking true. Wanda look at me. Wanda." I lifted her chin. "that's not fucking true."

"it is." she replied, sniffing with her eyes shut and her lips pursed in an attempt to stop the tears and the quivering. "you just don't wanna see it. No one--" hiccup. "no one here does b-but I know it's true."

"Wanda for fucks sake it's not true." I pulled her hands to get her to look at me because I was dying to show her how wrong that statement was, even if I wasn't sure yet of how I was going to show her. "Wanda please-- listen to me. Doesn't my opinion count or what the fuck?"

"It's- It's n-not like that it's-- I'm-- Y/n you don't... You see wh- only what you-- you don't see my dark side... I..." words came out of her stumbling as she tried to cover her face once more.

"Look at me!" I tugged her hands harder this time, in a way that she had no option but stare into my eyes, red from holding back the tears. "I don't fucking see your dark side? who the fuck was in Sokovia by your side when you lost it? Whose mind you played with the first time I met you?" the brunette's lip quivered again and I brought her closer. "You're not a monster."

"youjustsaythatbecauseyouloveme" the sentence came out of her so quick and chaotic that I almost didn't understand it.

Almost.

"I'm saying it because I know you." My voice finally shattered, trying to ignore the fact that she knew about my feelings for her —feelings that probably were unrequited— at the same time as I struggled to prove she was wrong. "You're loving, kind-hearted, empathic, amazing, trustful, funny, and I also see your damn flaws alright? But that's- that's not the point."

"then what's the point?" she muttered, tired and hurt.

She was looking for something in particular in my next reply, but I didn't take the cue.

No, no I didn't catch what she was looking for, because my mind was buzzing way too loud, not allowing me to notice that Wanda had just realized I may have feelings for her, feelings that mirrored hers.

"the... The point is that you- I--" I gripped her hands tight, as if the thoughts I couldn't put into words could be sent to her mind by our touch. "the point is that I'm gonna fucking kill whoever said this to you, 'cause-- 'cause I'm-- this-"

I fixed my eyes on hers, and still didn't catch a glimpse of her sudden desire for me to finally put my feelings into those three words.

I didn't catch that, but I didn't come to the conclusion that there was only a way I could somehow show her how wrong she was.

I gave both her hands one last tug and my lips attacked hers, desperate for making the witch feel loved, desperate to prove she wasn't a monster.

Tears kept streaming down my face, instantly being aware of the high chances of her rejecting me, but a thought crossed my mind that gave me strength not to pull away and run.

If someone has to be broken, better be me because of a truth, than her because of an ugly lie.

The chaos in my head stopped me from noticing the sob of relief that came out of Wanda, muffled by my lips, along with her shaky fingers holding onto my shirt as if it was the end of the world.

She pulled away and I prepared myself for the worst, already letting go of her arm and cheek.

To my surprise, in her eyes I saw what I had missed during the kiss, and I also saw love and desire.

She didn't hesitate before closing the gap between us by holding the sides of my neck, letting one of her hands travel to my hair to tug it slightly the moment our mouths reunited.

My hands pulled her hips to mine and sat her down on my lap. "I love you too" she mumbled between hungry kisses, unconsciously rocking her hips to mines. "I... I love you..."

The grip on her hips tightened enough to bruise her while a moan or two left my lips. "Wanda... Wait" I made her stop and, after pecking her lips I pulled away. "I need a shower first."

She nodded but didn't leave her spot.

"Wanda?"

"can I shower with you?" she asked shyly, looking down at her lap.

"of course" I replied kiss her jaw with a half smile. "let's go alright?"

[hoopdiddies]

Rashes (J. D imagine)

A/N: I've added a few touches since I got carried away by the fluff @deakysgurl! Thanks for the request! I hope it's good enough.

14 +49. Road accidents + when they're injured

Warnings: Just mentions of a road accident and some rashes and a bucket load of fluff

Word count : 2k+

Xx Masterlist xX

Here you are, out in the terrace enjoying an egg sandwich in the middle of a heavy, evening downpour– something you ought to question yourself later on. After popping what's left of the sandwich in your mouth, you dust your hands together and make your way back into your room, coming to hear five frantic knocks echo from the front door.

Who could that be in this hour?

"Y/N! Y/N!"

"Please open up! It's us!"

The familiarity of those calls gets you rushing down the steps leading to the door and you hurriedly grapple the knob, swinging the door open to the lads dripping wet from running from the other side of the road in the misty storm with their arms draped around John who appears to be in an utterly bad shape.

"Boys! What happened? Thought you were doing a gig," You assist them in settling John down on one of the couches, paying no mind to the wet mess their soaked clothes are leaving on the tiled floor– and certainly on the couch.

You immediately go by John's side and kneel to check what went wrong. Nothing afflicting his head, that's swell considering the dangers that would have caused him although he's got his forearm and leg wrapped in dressings, hinting that they might have taken him to a hospital to get treated prior to parking at yours.

"He's got nasty road rashes– one running from the side of his left forearm down to the point of his elbow and the other from his knee down to the middle of his leg." Replies Brian who's got his arms crossed at the unfortunate events.

"What happened out there?"

"Motorbike accident. Right after the gig, he rode downtown on one of the sound engineers' bikes to fetch a few parts to fix two of his amps," he kneels down beside you and you tell Freddie and Roger to fetch the first aid kit from one of the cupboards, feeling John's temperature rise with your hand on his moist forehead– he's getting a fever from the rain.

"And?" You get up and settle down beside John, wiping his face free of sweat, combing his damp hair back to calm him down.

"A sudden halt. A man ran recklessly down the pedestrian and caused James to swerve. "

"Bastard," You mutter irritatingly and ask John how he's feeling. So far he's only shaken his head which gives away the obvious. Freddie and Roger return promptly with the kit, a damp cloth and a glass of lukewarm water to ease some heat into John's shivering body.

"Deaky, you'll be fine." Freddie coaxes softly in his ear to alleviate him of his current uneasiness, accidentally nudging his afflicted arm and earning a quick grunt from John. You tell the boys to dry themselves in the bathroom while you take care of him from there.

Some time later after letting him take an antipyretic to reduce his fever and mopping the slippery floor, John insists that the boys go ahead as they have a hectic studio session to push through tomorrow. You've assured them that you'll take care of him and they leave him under your unrelenting watch to which, of course, John cocks a slick eyebrow at in amusement.

Since he's feeling quite under the weather, you'll have to conjure up an activity to keep yourselves entertained through the evening deluge as the night is barely young and neither of you can sleep.

"Want to watch a film?" You crouch carefully between his legs, your elbows propped up on either of his thighs.

"And a cup of tea too, love." He smiles and you rise up to kiss him chastely before heading to the kitchen heat up the kettle.

Halfway through having it whistle, a clap of thunder followed by a power outage seizes all your chances of going through a movie night and you hear John scream briefly from the living room at the sudden spread of darkness.

He's always been that jumpy– and it cracks you up in the slightest.

The kettle whistles and you grab a lamp from under the sink to light up your space as you make John a cup, figuring it would be a hassle if you'd include one for you.

Speed walking to the living room with the lit lamp and his cup in your hands, you worry that he might've jerked his leg and disturbed the wound, rushing to him hastily and panting upon stepping foot into the space.

"John, are you okay? Are you hurt?" Lifting up the lamp to shed some light on him, you find him hugging a throw pillow with his head down, nodding.

He's so vulnerable like this and his position just craves for your hold. A tender smile forms on your lips as you position the lamp next to the couch and the cup on the coffee table within arm's reach.

"I didn't startle you with my fiendish screech, did I?" He looks up at you bashfully through his fluttering lashes, the light spilling from the lamp emphasizing the build of his nose and the refined curves of his lips.

Albeit a little frightened, his soft features outstands the weak shadows cast by them against the low light; giving him a delicate yet fascinatingly heartwarming image that just thaws your heart from the bottom up.

You shake your head and take the space next to him crossing your legs and weaving your fingers with his, brushing your lips over his knuckles. "Nothing's ever fiendish with you, Deaks."

He turns his head to you and smiles back, his lips pressed firm together almost in a pout. "Hmm, thank you for taking care of me. I'm sorry that I had to come home like this. We would've had an easier night, you and me. Don't worry though, a few days and I'll be able to get back out there."

"I'm sure you will and don't be sorry, the important thing is that you're home to spend this gloomy, powerless night with. Besides," you shift in your space and turn your body towards him, the distance between your faces sealing, "despite your rashes, I could use some body heat."

As tempted as you are to do some things with him that don't involve making him scream out bloody murder at the nudge of his dressed rashes, the corner of his lips rise and he shifts closer to you, planting a long kiss on your lips. You giggle into it as he begins chewing on your bottom lip and tugging playfully on it, his hands creeping their way to the back of your neck to draw you in deeper.

"Mmm, John- baby, not tonight. You're badly hurt and with a growing fever." You remind him as you pull away but not far enough to not feel his hot breath fan against your lips.

"You said you needed some body heat."

Your throw your head back in a giggle. "Not in that manner, silly. I'd love to but I don't wanna add to your injuries."

He pouts and his eyes narrow to lazy slits, sighing in defeat. "You're the best kind of medicine for me."

You cock a brow at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, lover boy. We could go for a quick round but for now," you rest your head carefully on his lap and gaze up at him from that angle, his eyes gleaming in a pale glow against the low light as he peers down at you, his hand tangling itself in your hair, "why don't you sing us a little song to lighten the mood?"

Knowing very well that doing so was never his strong suit, he gives you an implying look yet you softly encourage him to go for it– with you being the only one who's going to enjoy the first-hand privilege. You know he can sing, he just doesn't have the confidence to push it out of him. His talking voice is already soothing, how much more if it were his singing voice?

"Y/N, come on. You know I can't-"

"John."

"But I have a fever, as you said."

"You do but you sound fine. When did an injury ever stop you from playing bass?" And you're definitely referring to the time he stuck his hand through a glass window drunk and had to get a few stitches afterwards. He stares down at you as he contemplates on it, drawing a deep breath in to start.

"Tonight the darkness seems so deep and silent stars watch as we sleep. The drifter cross the sky, never stop to wonder why," he has his eyes shut during the first line but as he goes on, his eyes open to you in awe at the sound of him finally singing.

"Million eyes could never weep, she lies dreaming like a child. Here beside me all the while. She'll just dream away, until the break of day and gently wake me with a smile." The touch of his warm palm against your cheek as he loses himself in your eyes as he sings sends you up high in cloud nine. Here you are, hearing his mellifluous singing cut through the sound of the harsh storm, unable to believe that this man is actually yours.

"She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She brings down and takes me high. She fills my life and makes it real. No matter what she does, she makes me feel." And you are his. The air hangs thin between you both as he swallows upon finishing, just anticipating for your reaction. "Y/N?"

With no words to describe what he's made you feel all over again with his singing, you lift your head up to meet his lips and hook your arms around his neck to haul him in deeper. His skin flushed against yours feels heated, literally and it could be from his high body temperature. He whimpers into your mouth and shuts his eyes as he adjusts himself gingerly to feel you better while avoiding grazing his afflicted arm and leg against a surface.

You break away slowly with barely any breaths slowed down, his smile further radiating as he caresses your cheek lovingly through the temporary darkness enveloping you. "You make me feel."

"God, John... I love you so much."

"I love you too, Y/N."

"And I promise, the mark of your singing will remain sacred in this house." You put your hand up as a sign of swearing and he chuckles softly, brushing his thumb delicately over your cheek. "I honestly sound better when I'm looking at you. You really are my best medicine."

With his attention firmly set on you for the night, there's no way in the world he's going to touch the now cooling tea on the coffee table.

[alj4890]

Angst Prompt

(Thomas x Amanda) Requested by @hopelessromantic1352 with the prompt: I can't do this alone.

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda)

Masterlist

Inspired by the song, Lost by Michael Buble´. Takes place between Would You Kindly Calm Me Down and Lovely Scars.

A/N trigger warnings of longing for death and emotional trauma after a miscarriage. On a personal note, I suffered a miscarriage during my first pregnancy. Many of the things Thomas and Amanda express and think are what happened one night during my darkest moment with my husband. Amanda’s experience in group therapy was my own. I believe very strongly that therapy is beneficial with fighting depression, so please don’t take this as a form against it. But like everything in life, sometimes you have to search for the one that is right for you.

@alleksa16 @penguininapinktuxedo @blackcoffee85 @stopforamoment @fullbeaumonty @cocomaxley @darley1101 @hopefulmoonobject   @krsnlove   @annekebbphotography @gibbles82  @cora-nova @bella-ca  @hopelessromantic1352 . @sunflowergirl05 @pixieferry 

Lost Together

Thomas pulled into the garage and placed his head against the steering wheel. He dreaded going inside. He never knew what he would find. Ever since the bombing incident, he and Amanda were going down a road he never imagined could exist.

Her many wounds were healing save for the one to her heart. The knowledge that she had suffered a miscarriage consumed her. She was withdrawing from everyone, most especially from him. She never left the house except for the mandatory doctor's appointments. It was getting to where she was a silent ghost, wandering from one room to another.

He had tried taking her for counseling. She had sat quietly through a session and answered the questions asked of her. Thomas felt hopeful when they left and shared his feelings with her. Tears fell down her cheeks and she begged him to not make her go back. "He can't understand what it feels like." She said in a sob. "I can't go back and talk about it again."

After a few weeks, Thomas tried again and took her to a group therapy session for women who had suffered a miscarriage. That one truly upset her. When he asked her how it went, she cried so hard she made herself sick. "They can't understand, because it was my body that lost our baby. Not there's! Please, don't make me sit through another one. Please." He was unable to deny her pleas as he looked at her heartbroken face.

Now here they were. Nearly two months after the incident and she was not getting better. He took a deep breath and prayed that God would give him the words to say to her. He had been trying to not leave her alone, yet he had been forced to attend a media event. It had lasted longer than planned and he had left in the middle of it to rush back to her.

He unlocked the door and set his keys on the counter. All the lights were off. He walked toward the stairs and happened to see a glint of metal outside. It was her watch. He saw a shadowy shape on one of the pool chairs and hurried to the patio. His heart cracked seeing Amanda staring into the water made black in reflecting the night sky. Tears ran in steady streams down her face. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and her arms and chin rested on them.

Thomas knew what would happen as soon as he touched her, yet he always hoped she would turn to him and tell him what was going through her mind. He sat down behind her and placed his hand on her back. He rubbed a soothing circle as he leaned forward to ask her how long she had been outside.

Amanda wiped her cheeks and quickly moved out of reach. She said the same words she always did when he caught her like this. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to see this." She walked inside and began to go upstairs.

Thomas followed her, wishing he could comfort her. If she would only allow him to hold her, he would do so without hesitation. He stood in the doorway to their room and watched her go through her nighttime routine before walking into the bathroom. She soon came out, her actions were all on autopilot as she pulled the bedcovers back and laid down on her side. She made sure to stay on the very edge of her side of the bed.

Thomas quickly undressed and climbed in beside her. He turned the light off and watched her shoulders. He knew she was waiting to leave as soon as she suspected he was asleep. The past couple of weeks, she had left him to sleep in one of the guest bedrooms. It hurt him that she could not stand sleeping beside him, even when he made sure to not touch her.

Amanda stared at the digital alarm clock on her nightstand. A few more minutes and she could escape. She couldn't stand to be touched in comfort, pity, or even in love. She couldn't explain it to Thomas, but when he touched her it made the raw ache in her chest hurt to the point she could barely breathe from the pain.

Tears began to fall again unheeded as she thought of the call she had received earlier. Liam had wonderful news. He and Riley were going to have a baby. Amanda spoke the words one would when hearing this type of news. As the words of how happy she was for him left her lips, she wished she could feel the emotion. She wanted to be happy for them. She wanted it so much, yet the feeling never came. She didn't want them to not have a baby. She only wanted hers to be there also.

Why couldn't she have kept that? So many evil people had babies and either threw them in the garbage, abandoned them, or abused them. She and Thomas would have loved that little one with everything within them. Amanda would have gladly died for it. She wished she could. She would trade her life without a second thought just to have their baby here where he belonged.

Her shoulders shook as the tears fell faster with each thought. Thomas sat up and softly said her name. Amanda froze and cursed herself in her mind. She silently pleaded. Please don't touch me. It will make everything so much worse. Lord in Heaven, please make him go to sleep.

Thomas wrapped his arm around her and pressed a kiss to her temple.

She tried so hard to be still. The pain began to consume her body and mind. Her brain screamed in agony at the sweet gentle touches. I don't deserve such kindness from you. I couldn't protect your baby. I can't take it anymore. She scrambled out of his arms and went into their bathroom.

She locked the door and knelt down on the floor. She stretched out on the cool, ungiving stone and breathed easier. She pressed her cheek against the coldness and closed her eyes. The chill would numb her body somewhat. A few moments of blessed relief was all she asked from it. The floor had become her savior in never demanding anything from her. It offered no comfort. The only thing it failed to stop were her tormented thoughts.

Why couldn't I have died in the explosion or during surgery? Life would be so much better for everyone if I had. Thomas would be fine and no longer worried about me. He has so many others he can turn to and be willibg to look after him. All my loved ones have each other to lean on. I'm not needed. What good am I to any of them? There is nothing I do that matters in the grand scheme of things. Thomas would get over me quickly and find the perfect person, one with a body strong enough to protect his unborn child. If I could only die, all this would end and be made right. Thomas would be free. My friends would stop calling in concern. I would finally be out of pain. I could be with my baby.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed in the floor, but it had to be long enough for Thomas to be asleep. She quietly crept out and walked to the bedroom door.

"Amanda?" Thomas was sitting up in bed. He had wondered if she was ever going to leave the bathroom. His fear at the growing silence made him rise from the bed.

She bit down on her lip. Why isn't he asleep? Why won't he let me go? Not just out of the room, but why doesn't he leave me? I want to leave me. Surely he knows he doesn't have to stick around anymore.

Thomas stopped a couple of steps from her. "Where are you going?"

Amanda didn't turn around as she spoke. "I was going to sleep in one of the guestrooms. I feel kinda restless and didn't want to disturb you."

His shoulders relaxed. "You won't disturb me." He reached out and touched her arm. She turned swiftly and knocked his hand away. His eyes widened at her reaction.

Her bottom lip trembled. "I'm so sorry." She ran a hand through her hair. "I can't...I didn't mean to...I need to leave."

"Leave? Why? You don't need to." He felt a new kind of fear when she covered her face and shook with silent sobs.

She lowered her hands until they only covered her mouth. Her eyes met his and she swallowed against the lump in her throat. "I think we should get a divorce."

He took a reflexive step back. "What?! No. Amanda, what did I do? Or not do? Tell me and I will fix it!"

She shook her head. "No. You haven't done anything. You can't fix this. I...Thomas I'm what's broken. I don't think I will ever be right. I can't keep making you miserable. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who can give you children. I --"

His eyes narrowed at her words. "I didn't marry you for children! I don't care if you ever get pregnant again. I'm not divorcing you!"

She raised tear filled eyes to him. "Please leave me. I can't leave you. I've tried so many times. I packed my suitcase and couldn't make it out the door. I'll be able to leave if you will just tell me you don't want me. Please, Thomas. Please say you want a divorce."

"No." He said in a harsh tone. "I will do anything you ask, except that." He reached out and grasped her upper arms. "Don't ask me to do that." His voice cracked when her tears started falling and she began to sob out loud.

She grabbed handfuls of his shirt and shook him as she spoke. "Thomas, I can't do it anymore! I can't. I wish to God I had died that night. I want the pain to end so much. Dear Lord, why didn't I die?" She fell to her knees, crying uncontrollably.

Thomas got in the floor with her and tried his best to hold her as she was doubled over. "Why couldn't I have died that night?" She cried out as her sobs became louder.

"Because I need you." He told her while rubbing her back. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "I can't do any of this alone. I would be lost if you had died." He pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

After a few moments she sat up and leaned back against the door. She looked at him, utterly exhausted from everything life had thrown at her. "That's not true. You would be fine. You would have all our friends and you would find a new love quickly. I'm of no use to you or anyone right now."

He scooted closer to her and gripped her hand. "Yes, you are." He bit out. "I need you. You are everything to me. I don't want another wife. I don't want to turn to her or our friends for anything. Only you. You are the one I need to talk to. You are the only one who understands me." He looked down at their hands and loosened his grip to lace his fingers with hers. He felt a glimmer of hope when her thumb brushed the back of his hand in comfort.

Amanda closed her eyes and tried to calm her ragged breaths. After a few moments of silence, she met his stare. "I don't think I will ever get over this."

Thomas moved to sit next to her. He tentatively wrapped his arm around her shoulders. His eyes teared up when she leaned her head against him. It had been so long since she had voluntarily touched him. He cleared his throat. "Maybe we aren't supposed to get over it."

She looked up at him, her anguish nearly causing him to crush her to him in an attempt to absorb her pain. "But the ladies of the grief group said I am supposed to. They said I shouldn't feel this strongly about it because it was barely there anyway. One woman even said it was just like a blood clot." Her tears fell again as she recalled their callous words when she had broken down and cried in front of them.

He frowned and held her closer to him. "We will do what we need to in order to endure this." He pressed his lips against her forehead. "We will take it one day at a time."

Her hopeful expression that he could possibly help crumpled. "I have been trying to take it one day at a time. It isn't working." She started to withdraw physically from him and he pulled her back.

"You were trying. This time you will have me to lean on when it gets too much for you. If day to day is too hard, then we will try hour by hour, minute by minute. Whatever you need, I will be right there with you. If you need to cry, not talk, talk, whatever you need at any time of the night or day, I will do."

"Why?" Her voice cracked. "It would so much easier on you to walk away from me."

Thomas smoothed her hair back from her face. "I love you. I can't leave you."

She let him hug her for a moment before standing up. He got to his feet and watched her go quietly into the bathroom. He heard the water running and sat down on the bed. He wiped his eyes and waited. Amanda came back out after washing her face and laid down on her side of the bed. Thomas stretched out beside her.

Once the light was off, he watched her toss and turn before settling on her side. She bit her lip and looked over her shoulder at him. "Would you hold me for a little while?" She whispered.

She gasped at how quickly he was behind her with his arm around her. Her raw ache still hurt horribly but she felt the comfort from his touch, for the first time in such a long absence, intertwined with the pain. She scooted back closer against him. As exhaustion took its toll on her, she turned her head some toward him. "I love you, Thomas."

He tenderly kissed her cheek. "I love you." He closed his eyes and thanked God that she had finally talked to him. Had turned to him. He prayed asking for the ability to help her out of the darkness that had held her captive for months.

Amanda silently thanked God for giving her Thomas. Please help us to not become lost together in the darkness."

[dmnqboss]

BEWARE OF FUCK NIGGAS!

This was a guy I was "dating" from work. We were "together" for 8 months. We went to his house most nights after work, spent our days off together. It felt like a relationship. The more time we spent the more I was feeling him. And it felt reciprocated. We eventually came to terms that we were together. It was more hesitant on his end (RED FLAG ⚠️)

It started off, him plotting on me. Whenever he saw me he made slick comments. You know the comments I'm talking about. He's from the Bronx. He was older, 39. I'm was 23. So I still like that slick shit. He was the only guy not afraid to approach me. *cough* narcissist. So he got my attention.

I hadn't spoken or been with anybody for 3 months before him. Before that time I had been talking to and trying to develop a relationship with an engineer on the job for 2 months but I was hesitant about being with him. But he wanted to be with me so bad. And before that I had not entertained a man at all for 1 year and a half. So I was rusty and needed oil to loosen up. Whether it was sexually or mentally. I needed a Male presence. I grown and I need love too.

Time passes and we are fucking with eachother a little heavier. It gets heavy when I tell him I love him 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️. Yes I'm a dumbass. I would never let him break up with me because I didn't like his approach. (Over text, starting a fight, etc.) And he always wanted to break up over something petty. (I should've ran). I thought I was being a woman by challenging him to love and open up. Too him that was crazy, bipolar etc. But I didnt see it that way.

He always called me ugly, said I was fat. One time we had a pregnancy scare and he barked on me. Told me to get on birth control and I better not be pregnant. He always spoke to me in disgust.

I had bad hair days and there were times my hair wasnt done. Now I am grown so I never roll out bed and bounce. I do something it just doesn't last throughout the day.I have a stressful life and thats an understatement. I didnt always have the time or money. He made sure he let me know how repulsed he was by me. But never offered to pay for my hair to be done. I asked him one day and he said no, he said I'm a grown ass woman who can take care of myself. He would go as far as not speaking to me in public. And humiliate me in public if we were together around his boys.😔🙍🏾‍♀️

During our time together he always compared me being black to being crazy. Mind you he is a full grown black man. He always spoke about Spanish girls and mixed girls. But sometimes tried to uplift me. Sometimes! Whenever I felt beautiful or confident he found something wrong with me.

I stayed. 😤. But that's because we had the best times. We were cool, we were homies. Honestly I took it as him never being afraid to be honest with me. We kicked it all the time.I loved him. We both expressed how comfortable we were around the other. He even told me he never felt that way with anyone else 🙄. I know sis, I fell for it.

One day one of his work friends, our colleague, came up to me and said I was sexy. Then tried to kick it to me during my break. He knew that we were together so, I didnt entertain it but I didn't put a direct stop to it. We were at work and I was uncomfortable.

When he got to work, I was on my way out. I talked to him in the office. I told him what transpired and told him not to get mad. He got mad but internalized it and said he didn't care. He questioned why I told him that, as if I was being messy or malicious.I came back minutes later to get his keys, I had been staying in his apartment for a week straight. Cooking for him. Cleaning for him. As a trade off in a way, but I enjoyed doing it.

I had just smoked and taken a bath. So I was relaxed and I fell asleep around 10 PM waiting for him to get home. At 12:30 he calls me to open the door and he sounds mad. So when I open the door I ask him if he is ok. He doesn't answer and is pacing like he wants to say something. But he doesn't. I think everything is Gucci so I get back in bed and fall asleep.

He starts talking.

"I'm going to ask him."

I say "ok."

He keeps going. Angrier and angrier by the second.

I'm baffled and I just kind of let him go off for a few. Since I'm not giving a reaction he starts to dig and dig and dig until I cant take it. I get Heated but I'm still trying to diffuse the argument as I'm water and hes lit up, I'm staying calm basically. But he keeps going and now we are both yelling. But when I yell he pretends I'm the one wilding out and gets quiet😡. (He has a history of doing this) So I go off, defending myself. Because he is insuating wild shit. The colleague told him I asked him for drinks... A YEAR AGO! I admitted I did because he expressed how his dad just died, he missed his daughter, etc. I was being a friend, plus I was getting drinks after work on my dolo ANYWAY!

This made me mad. Because instead of just chopping it up man to man, he questions me and insuates me being a ho. Mind you I'm with him ALL THE TIME. I'm very loyal when I'm holding somebody down. But I'd I'm single I do me. And most times I entertain NO NIGGAS! I'm a chill person. So when I'm fed up. I'm fed up fed up!

So boom I'm going in, but never do I disrespect him. I love him, why would I? But im letting him have it to defend myself. He expressed that he didnt want to hear shit like that. And I agreed to never tell him again.

It gets heated he tells me to leave in the middle of the night. I live in a different state so my trains dont operate like NY trains. I say no and lay back down because hes being dramatic, at least that's what I see it as. We were in a relationship so we fought like this from time to time.

Disclaimer: He drank all day and drank a bottle of Titos when he got home. So I'm ignoring him because he is drunk as well. He drinks everyday, he is a a functioning alcoholic.

I get smart and say

"You talking mad shit yet you drinking MY whole bottle of liquor"

He pegs the bottle in my direction and it hits the wall. I know he wasnt going to hit me but he was trying to scare me.

I scream at him. Because now hes fucking bugging.

So while I lay in silence and he watches a movie, I'm texting my mom. I tell her i want to leave in the AM and never come back. She asks if I'm ok and if I need help. I say no. 1 minute later something clicks and says, GTFOH! So she calls me an uber and I get my things situated. He tells me to take the groceries I brought to him the day prior. So I do.

I go into the room to figure out why this bothered him so much. I grabbed leg so I can stand in front of him. He exchanged words with me and then

BOOM! I'm pinned against the wall, my head hits the closet door.

BOOM! It happens again.

Hes grabbing my face and neck and pinning me against his bed.

(I don't know about you but this does not sound like a tussle to me)

I wasnt fighting back. Honestly I was a little shook and confused. Because this is the very thing he said he would never do.

He walks to fix his bed so I started calling him a piece of shit, crying.

I walk away talking shit towards the door we get near the door and he picks me up and slams me really hard into the wall that happens to have the power box on it. And guess what hits it? Yup. My head. 🤕.

When he let's go and stops, he checks his chain because I kept grabbing his collar so I wouldn't fall too hard. I push his shoulder when I'm down, out of disbelief and frustration.

Once I do that.

I'm done.

He grabs me , slams me into the wall with the towel rack and then slams me into the tub. My head hits tha rim and I can no longer fight. That took the wind out of me. I didn't want to fight anymore. He stared into my eyes and I could tell he would've put me in the hospital if I tried to fight back. At this point I want to get out of here. When he slams me into the tub his chain pops because I was grabbing his collar. This was unintentional. I know the sentiment affiliated with his chain.

I get everything and throw all the food and things I bought for his kitchen, out. Meanwhile my uber was waiting for 10 to 15 minutes outside.my mom is calling and texting and asking to call the police. I hop into the uber and immediately block all contact with this man.

So the messages posted were right after everything and I am seeing them in my blocked message settings today.

I was distraught.

This man spent 8 months with me. Seeing eachother 3 to 4 times a week. Sometimes we never left each other's side. Spent some crucial moments in our lives with eachother. Our birthdays, holidays, spoke to our moms about eachother, I got a promotion at work, my father almost died, he was right there. Good and bad. I thought we were riding for eachother.

I had to realize that this man, owes me nothing. I learned to never be so vulnerable with people like this. Who can torment me after physically harming me. I had a headache for a week because of the trauma to my head. I had a concussion before so I knew I he gave me one. But I didnt want to say anything. I thought he was a good man who made a mistake. But he is just a toxic narcissist.

Beware of fuck niggas. When you notice signs that he is abusive, mentally or physically, please run. You can not change him.

Do not demean yourself for someone like this. I was vulnerable and allowed him to play with that. I gave him power. Vulnerability needs to be saved for your HUSBAND! A man who loves just like you. Who would jump for you. Ride with you. Who would never, even after a nasty split, do this to you.

Thank God every day and focus. Count your blessings and remind yourself to stay prayed up. If you're an empath, sensitive person, unconditional, kind, or even a mess with a great heart... dont you dare let anyone demolish your character. Hold your soul tight and remember that this is all you have to stay resilient against toxicity like this. Love yourself so that you never have to seek validation from NO ONE!

Love yourself. And dont ever feel stupid for loving unconditionally. Keep that, especially if it's in your nature. This physical world is always full of temporary shit. That divinity your heart possesses, that's forever and nobody can buy that or take that away.