#fuck me i just want to stop being a disappointment to them

[hart269]

Slithering Hearts

Chapter 9

Pairing : Regulus Black x Fem! reader

Synopsis : You begin an unlikely friendship with the little Black. And soon your whole life seems to have become a tumultuous pathway. The catch, James Potter is your brother.

A/N : The plot thickens as Sirius runs away from home.

Masterlist / Series Masterlist

Through the incessants knocking of the door at midnight, you had managed to be there first. Considering you were already awake, you had been the first to respond to the knocks, though you gripped your wand tight. It was storming outside, rain pelting down on the Potter Manor. Keets, your house elf stood behind you, although she argues to there first, you managed to keep her behind. You pried the door just as the frantic knocking stopped.

Out of all the things you had expected, a drenched Sirius Black wasn't one of them. He looked shabby, thin as if he hadn't eaten all summer. His knuckles were red and pale, clutching a small bag on one. His face had little cuts on them, and there were tears running down his face mixed with the rain water.

"Hello baby potter" he croaked. Another round of thunder cackled, as his body slumped, you screamed for James, lifting Sirius who was on his knees. Keets rushed to call your mom. James came running, running his hands through his tousled hair. Eyes widening at the sight of Sirius, he rushed to take him in his arms, getting his t-shirt soaked.

"Hey, Padfoot" James brushed his wet hair behind, "Be with me alright"

Sirius however kept crying, buried in his bestfriend's shoulder. The footsteps on the stairs, indicated, your parents rushing downstairs.

Sirius finally parted, "I had nowhere else to go, my mother she wanted me to join him".

Your eyes darted to the door, as if waiting for another figure to step in, coming back in disappointment.

James rubbed his back, "Join who, Sirius"

Sirius looked up in misery or fury, you couldn't tell, "Voldemort". Euphemia gasped hearing that name.

Sirius shook his head, "Euphs, I'm sorry for coming at this hour but I can't go back to that house".

Fleamont stepped forward, "Absolutely not, there is no chance you're going back to that house."

Sirius nodded, tears of appreciation flowed down his pale cheeks. Euphemia however looked in concern, "Sirius, dear, are you hurt?".

He however only gave a little grunt, "Nothing that bad", which in all its seriousness probably didn't mean much."

Your mom nodded, "I'll send some potions for you, James, honey take him to your room."

James moved with a "Yes mum". You left soon too, your mind still wandering about Reg, why didn't he come with Sirius, did they not let him, was he hurt or worse, Sirius didn't say anything to indicate his whereabouts.

You asked him that after breakfast, he however scoffed while you felt your heart sank, "I would advise you to stay away from him, he isn't what you think he is"

You weren't to back down soon, "Why would I, I have spent more time with him in the past few years than you did, I know him, Sirius, he isn't bad"

He sighed, "You're blinded by your itty bitty crush, he is just like them, he didn't even" He choked, "He didn't even seem to have an idea of what he's getting himself into, he's just mommy's little boy who will do whatever she tells him to"

"Do you really think of him like that because I know for a fact that he hates living there as much as you do, you think he likes to be there, that he enjoys being in her presence" you snapped.

He shook his head, glowering "Really, he wasn't the one who got punished for being in a different house, he wasn't the one his mother hates for simply fucking existing"

You took a deep breath, "You're right Sirius, you are, doesn't means he's that better off is it, you both live in the same house, and not to mention he loves you Sirius, he does, he won't say it, you won't say it but he is your brot-"

"Stop it, stop defending him, are you listening to yourself, he is fiooling you, he has turned to their side, no matter what you or I feel, he is gone to them".

Maybe the truth wasn't that Sirius never wanted to talk to Regulus, maybe it was that everytime he wanted to his brain shut him off. To admit he felt sympathy from his brother would have him accept Reg's pain along with his own, and he didn't feel brave enough to do so.

Summer went quietly, not a letter from Reg. You and Sirius eventually became civil with each other, hanging out all together. Soon, he became an unofficial Potter, heck he accidentaly called Euphemia mom once and now he had stuck with it.

The ride to Hogwarts express was filled with apprehension, you were sitting next to Amelia. You were hearing her talk about her Summer ignoring the sting you felt realising Regulus was now plainly ignoring you.

You knew there had to be something but you decided to wait until you could find him alone, which was near impossible. He wasn't to be seen in astronomy tower either. You waited and waited, until you snapped, dragging him away from Rosier and shoving him into an emoty classroom. Locking the door behind, you pointed the wand at his neck, "Any last words, Black?"

"Last words huh, you''re gonna kill me Potter, you can't even seem to stay away from me" he leaned over you.

"I bet ghost Regulus would be nicer, you have been avoiding me like a plague, some friend you are" You stared back at him with ferocity and an unrecognised softness.

"Then go, what are you waiting for?" he said, not looking at you.

"Is that it, Reg, Is that all you have to say, all you can say, have I not listened patiently to whatever troubles you" your voice went soft with each syllable.

"What do you want me to tell you, you know what happened, he left to your house, not a letter, not a note, in the dead of night, he just left, I didn't even know where until much letter"

His fingers fumbled with his robes.

You took his hand, "You can come too, Reg. Run away from there, come with me"

He hesitated, "I can't, It's too late for me anyways"

Your eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean too late Reg?"

Regulus didn't look at you, "You should leave while it's still time, you can still save yourself"

You scoffed, "I don't need anyone to save from me, not from you. Do you know how many times I'v been told to leave you and I told off every time, and now you are doing the same".

He slumped against the wall, his hand still clutched in yours, "Maybe they were right?"

"Right about what, Reg right about what, can you be fucking clear" the words burnt in your throat. Frustration clawing its way in.

His eyes were filled with pain, as he looked at you in desperation, alternating his choice between telling you to leave him alone or to stay forever. He decided in the end, to let you decide, for he couldn't find a way out of his misery. And he had known you more than he had known himself.

He slided the cloak covering his arm, hearing you gasp gave him the confirmation that you had seen it, the mark. The hollow eyes of the skull that bore onto him every single time he saw it, haunting him.

Your fingers brushed over it, testing that it wasn't a mere part of your hallucination. That it was really there. You flinched as if it had burned and he suspected it may have, charred something. You took a shuddering breath, you had thought of many possibilities but this, this was different from all of them. The horror of reality outweighed your imagination.

You looked at him to find him already looking at you, his expression grim, his eyes distressed, pained. "Did you agree to this?".

One question that you beleived was the most crucial one now.

"Not directly, no, The night after Sirius was gone, I had nowhere to run, I couldn't leave, I had no magic, I was surrounded by them, so many of them" He choked, a lone tear escaped his eyes. You gently brushed it away, he dropped his hands onto your cheek. "I couldn't tell them no, he was there, he said it was an honour that I was his youngest soldier but I felt anything but so. I felt vile and it wouldn't go away" He glared at the mark, sniffling. Rubbing it harshly while more tears fell.

You held both his hands, stopping him. You slowly snaked your arms around his waist, pulling hin gently towards you. His body remained tense, until he too wrapped his hands around you, head dropping into the crook of your neck. He tightened his grip, engulfing you in him. His body was shaking. You gently rubbed circles in his back.

"It's okay, Reg, everything will be fine." He just clutched you tighter until he couldn't feel his hands or his feelings. Was it bad that you personally wanted to murder his parents?

Taglist : @shycreationdreamland @mp-littlebit @girlbooklover555 @godofstory @misacc08 @starchaser-lily @moonywastakenn @lovemelikecrazyiloveyoucrazy @skepvids @venomsvl @hecateschildren @rainyroads @heizoulvr

[benevolentpeach]

Sub!Kyojuro Rengoku X Dom!Non-Binary Reader

Warnings ⚠️: Mommy Kink, Praise Kink, Edging(M receiving), Cockwarming, Pet Names(Good Boy, Little Sun), Overall just SMUT, Reader doesn't have a specified gender but has female anatomy

Word Count: 1'283

I got bored and made a little Rengoku blurb on Docs and thought I'd post it here. Enjoy! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS POST OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED! 🔞

NSFW BELOW THE CUT

Beautiful dark lashes gazed upon them as if they were the very reason he existed, the very reason he even breathed and went about life. Those beautiful wet lashes gazed upon them as if they were his God, his deity, worshiping the ground they walked on, and obeying every command they gave.

Soft pants and whimpers escaped his lips as he took in the sight of how beautifully their bodies connected as one, ever grateful for even being allowed the chance to ravish their divine body with such vulgar touches.

He almost felt as if he didn't deserve such a divine being, but the way his body fervently rocked up against their hips, the way their beautiful noises filled his ears like an angelic prayer, those thoughts were soon pushed to the farthest regions of his brain.

“Such a good boy for me Kyo.. Fucking me so good.. Fuck..” 

His breath hitched in his throat, chest fluttering at the praise, a needy whine replacing the gratefulness he originally wanted to return.

His hips involuntarily bucked up against their body, eliciting a shrill mewl from their lips, the image of their head being thrown back in a fit of pure unadulterated pleasure almost enough to make him paint their delicate insides white.

“Fuck.. Mommy please..” He pathetically whined, feeling his pace become erratic and sloppy as he desperately chased after his high. “Please.. Wanna cum.. Inside you.. Please.. I'll be a good boy for you..” His pitiful moans and whimpers began to increase the more he slammed his cock in just the right spot against their tight cunt. 

He couldn't help but keep his eyes fixated on where his cock kept pummeling their insides, watching as he fucked them just the way they commanded him to made him feel even more sporadic and needy.

When delicate, slender fingers reached for his chin and tilted it so he was now hazily gazing directly into their almost ethereal eyes, he'd just about lost his will to be a good boy and wait for their instruction to finally cum.

The way they looked at him like he was the best thing in the world, in fact the only thing they cared about more than anything, while committing such a sinful act drove him completely mad, his sanity crumbling little by little. 

Look at me like that more.. Please.. Please never stop looking at me like that..

His crimson eyes began to slowly roll to the back of his head as he thoughtlessly rutted his hips against their body, mind beginning to blank with how pussy-drunk he'd become.

“Such a desperate needy little thing, hold on for just a bit longer for Mommy, can you do that sweetheart?” Their angelic voice was like honey, another whine cascading past his lips at the pet name.

“I.. I don't think.. I can last-” 

“Oh but you don't want to disappoint Mommy do you, my sweet boy… If you want to cum inside me so very badly, and don't think you can last, then at the very least…” They leaned down and bit the shell of his ear delicately, their breath fanning the side of his face feverishly. “Beg for it like the good little boy you are.” 

His eyes pinched shut as his eyebrows furrowed, cock throbbing helplessly at their domineering demand. “Fuck..” He whimpered quietly, barely audible. 

He would do anything and everything for them. He would even fall to the ground and kiss their boots if they so wished, but the intense feeling of pleasure that was wringing itself throughout his body made his mind go blank, the words he so desperately wanted to scream stuck in the back of his throat.

Their hand made its way around his throat, their fingers squeezing the sides delicately as they slammed their hips down, forcing him to stop his unnecessarily sloppy thrusts and let them take the reins. 

“Come on now Kyojuro, let me hear that pretty voice beg..” The hunger that lilted in their voice was enough to make him visibly shudder. 

His fastly approaching orgasm was right there, right on the very cusp, all he had to do was be good for them and beg like they wanted, but no matter how hard he tried to speak, nothing came out, leaving them to tsk and shake their head in a way that made it seem as if they were disappointed in the flame hashira.

But as soon as he went to apologize about his ineptitude, they suddenly lifted their hips, dragging his cock til it was just the tip that prodded at their entrance, before driving their weight down hard, a surprised yet pitiful moan slipping past his lips.

They rode him with little to no care for how he was currently trying his best not to cum without their say so, but just as he was about to cum, they stopped, his cock still buried deep within them. 

“You aren't going to cum until I hear you beg Kyo, come now pretty boy, I know you can do it.” They hummed, keeping perfectly still above him.

The torture of not being able to cum like he so desperately wanted was making his brain feel fuzzy, every time he felt their tight cunt squeeze his cock it would push him so very close to the edge but then he wouldn't get so much as a flutter from them until at least 2 minutes after the first, which told him they were definitely doing it on purpose.

One more tug at his cock from their cunt and he was practically a sobbing whimpering mess beneath them, eyes welling up with big fat tears as he finally found his voice.

“F-fuck! Please Mommy.. Please please please.. Wanna cum so bad.. Please.. Let me cum.. Inside.. Please..” He sobbed, pleading with not just his voice but with his eyes as he stared up at them.

They delicately swiped away the tears that were streaming down his face uncontrollably, before smiling with such tender love and care, leaning down to whisper in his ear once again. “Cum for me my precious sun..” 

Those words alone were enough to set him completely loose, his hips impatiently rutting against their body with the intent to finally chase his high and paint their insides white, all while letting out weak and whiny ‘thank you’’s and ‘I love you’’s against their gorgeous skin.

He knew they were cumming when he felt them collapse against his chest, a slew of whines and moans leaving their lips as he continued to pound them with fervor, and the flutter of their walls squeezing around his cock was the last bit of motivation he needed before he found himself biting their shoulder harshly.

“Fu-uck... Cumming..” He whined, hips slamming against their own a few more good times before his vision went white and he let out a shrill cry, cock throbbing with each rope of cum he painted their walls with.

His breathing was ragged and uneven as he rode out the rest of his orgasm, eyes heavy from exhaustion. 

They leaned back up atop him, eyes gazing down on him with such tender love and care that it made his heart soar. He couldn't help but use what little strength he had left in his body to reach his arms around them and bring them back to his chest, lips gently caressing their forehead and cheeks.

“You did such a good job Kyo, I'm so very proud of you..” They breathlessly said, before lifting their face until their lips met his with that same tender love and care they held in their eyes.

“I love you my little sun..” 

[izzy-b-hands]

Mum wanted a make up hang out day belated for my bday, i thought that sounded cool. Been off one of my most needed meds since part of my vacation, so chores were a bit behind, and I admit I could have done better trying to catch up and communicate about what she wanted/needed for the night

Which led to dinner being fine, but then a major crying session from her over my not being caught up on chores and 'i dont know how to help you, sometimes I think it's hopeless' which like. cool, thanks for that, way to make me feel like I should cease existing for struggling with chores. The house isn't a total sty, I've even walked my therapist around during telehealth and she said she's seen much much worse, and that ive come so far from where I was pre therapy

Then it turned into her being pissy that she didn't like a recently released movie we rented that we'd both wanted to see and 'i dont feel entertained' which like fuck man. I didn't know if we'd like it or not, all we could do was try it!

then she did the 'oh im such a shit mum' routine so i painted my nails while soothing her and reassuring her i am going to try even harder to do better at cleaning (i am, I'm looking up extra techniques for dealing with it on extra bad mental health days so i don't fall behind as much hopefully, because i don't like that my brain makes this fuckin hard for me, it embarrasses me and makes me feel like a shit human constantly)

she just left and spent the morning making more comments abt the cleaning but backing it with 'not to make you feel bad' on all of it and im just. im tired. maybe i really do need to move away to tackle my issues and get out from the unhealthy codependency her and i have (my therapist is constantly helping me work on my side of it, but mum refuses to believe her abt it and won't attend anymore sessions with me to help us work on it)

I slept maybe three hours, had to be stoned the whole time to keep from crying, and desperately want to fall off the wagon with booze rn. i have lemonade and limoncello that would go so well together. maybe i could do a big clean if i get cross faded today and just do nothing else

what i really wanna do is nap, cry, watch something, and then tackle the cleaning tonight when I'll now inevitably be wide fucking awake, but idk. probably shouldn't. does it even matter if im still disappointing her and the family overall no matter what? like the tree falling in a forest thing, isnt it?

[empress-hancock]

Oh this is hysterical

[moderatetoaboveaverage]

.

[artsyunderstudy]

[cries in introvert]

[castielafflicted]

I've officially dropped out doing the pinefest. The fic I had planned and started is currently about a 6th of the way done. I don't know if I'll save it for next year's pinefest or post it sometime in 2024, but this one is important enough to me for it to definitely get finished. Trying to do the pinefest has pushed me even more into wanting to write, but also made me extra aware of how much my disabilities impact my writing. I really look forward to next year, and hope I won't run into something huge that stops me then like happened this year.

All of this fucking sucks and I'm super disappointed, but I'm not really disappointed in myself. There are obviously times I could have been writing on it that I didn't, but also I've got a bunch of various physical and mental health issues that severely impact my ability to write and to make myself do things. It's been nearly a month since I got covid, and I'm still struggling to recover. I still have shortness of breath, coughing, fatigue, and various cognitive issues. All of those things impact my already existing issues, and the fact that I'm able to get even just a little bit of writing done is great.

So overall, basically all of my writing is on the back burner at this point. Things will get written when I have the urge to write them, and at this point only one thing has a due date. The plan is to not commit to anything new with a timeline unless I can quite literally finish it before signing up, at least until I can breathe properly and sit in my chair without flaring up my back.

[siriuslynephilim]

girls be like i feel so achingly hollow in my chest all the time

[4giorno]

underappreciated thing from the stuffpack reveal: they only said they were incorporating "nordic" design. they didnt say scandinavian 💖

[whatimdoing-here]

Kids normally take showers now, but small fry has strep and flu both so when he asked for a bath I was like whatever you want kid. But nothing like a bath to really show you how long and skinny your kid is and you definitely have two KIDS and now babies, toddlers, preschoolers... Those stages are gone never to come back.

[tortademaracuya]

It feels undeserving 👍

[crossbackpoke-check]

a doc of omega yamo being a nuisance, you say?

well…

[sparklev0id]

i am so responsible and functional and did not just waste hours on my phone instead of going and doing the really important thing i was supposed to do

[touchlikethesun]

.

[mrfoox]

How to make Miranda lose up to 80% of her trust and belief in you 101:

- break an promise

- break an agreement on something that's kinda a big deal

[fertilizing-daffodils]

Today is one of those days where you just gotta do everything to avoid seeing the reflection in the mirror while you dash from the shower and rush to get dressed. Sucks considering it felt like I finally made it over a hurdle and I know its just a shitty day for dysphoria but damn. Just damn.