#but I do genuinely wonder what she was expecting out of that whole rant

[ashdreams2023]

Hello again! I was wondering if you still do requests and if so, can I request a Severus x reader but platonic? Like we've all read Sev being like a guardian of sorts to students but what if reader is like the prof that cares for Sev when he was a student? Like Severus' favorite teacher is reader cause not only is she smart and teaches well but she has a soft spot for Sevy and is one of the profs that punishes the marauders every time she catches them bothering Snape. Snape can see her as a mother figure that even up to the point that Sev actually became a teacher he still goes to her for his problems and she just babies him lol. (Reader was once the youngest teacher to teach in Hogwarts before Snape took that role)

Alright alright gonna do this now!

Platonic Severus snape x fem reader

All my respect

Severus had a rocky relationship with adults from a very young age that’s for sure, his home life and neighborhood left little in his faith for grown ups.

It was a rocky two first years when he couldn’t even trust his head of house let alone another professor, he felt uncomfortable if he had to seek his head of house for help, he preferred to suffer in silence, even if it meant having to sit in aching bruises from his bullies until he learned how to brew a cooling balm.

No one did a thing to genuinely help him, no one, he hated how everyone overlooked him, how They saw him just as a weird kid who others avoid for no reason but that they didn’t understand him.

That continued until his third year, after a brutal beating from Sirius and his wand almost snapping in half, he remembers it very clearly he was sitting in the hall feeling the entire world was against him.

Then you came, young looking and worried, at the time you were only 28 years of age, he knew you were the new hired substitute professor for charms.

He expected to be scolded and sent to his dorm but instead you kneeled down and without even asking a question tended to his injuries self, he flinched when you first touched his face but that didn’t stop you from applying some healing balm and checking his medical chart with your wand.

He was speechless to say the least, no one ever cared this much about him…even his mother…

"Tell me who did this to you and I don’t want any lies little boy" you tried to sound firm but he could tell you were still panicked about his state and what you saw on his medical charm, he was a scrawny malnourished boy "you can tell me, you’re not gonna be in trouble I promise"

Next thing he knows points have been deducted from the lions and he’s all healed up. Although that still didn’t make him trust you that easily.

But it kept happening, you stopped whoever was bothering him, looked out for him when he seemed a little off and much more, you didn’t rest until you got the marauders suspended from hogwarts for a whole semester because of that idiot and deadly prank.

You scolded him still but always with a gentle hand checking if he’s hurt or hiding an injury like he sometimes did.

"One of these days you will kill me with a heart attack!"

"They started it!"

Heck you even helped him get some rare plants for his potion making and recommended him to higher education, even after he messed up and used that awful name, you believed him, you saw the good in him and stood by his side.

He can thank you a million times but he still feels like it isn’t enough, even now at 35 of age, you’re 50 and still working in the same school.

He comes to you for guidance, he has tea with you every other day and you sit there smiling fondly as he complains and rants about his day, just like the little boy you once knew.

"With all my respect to you mother but these kids are insufferable" it takes him a minute to realize what he just said and he blushes crazily but you chuckle.

"Oh please, you’re the son I never birthed"

Severus sighs still blushing slightly from embarrassment "Isn’t it too late for me to call my professor mum?" He used sarcasm to hide his embarrassment.

You sipped your tea and leaned back on your chair "I remember when you were just a little lad, sneaking around to brew your outrageous potions and getting burned then coming back to me with a pout and tear stained eyes demanding I give you my cooling balm"

He smirked crossing his arms "I can make it myself now, I don’t need to be babied anymore"

"Oh? So you don’t your favorite tea cup?" She laughed softly.

Severus frowned dropping his arms, his tea cup, the one you bought specially for him because the design reminded you of a cauldron, it was childish and looked out of place in your neatly organized cabin with all the good China sets.

But he still went for it, he wouldn’t pick that one round tea cup and take it for himself, you would tease him about needing a grown up one but he would defend himself saying he would do just fine with this one.

"Well, good to know some things just don’t change sevy"

"Don’t call me that I’m a grown adult! I’m taller than you!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night sevy" fighting you was useless, he should’ve known better but he always felt light, he breathed out and let a small smile creep on his lips.

[sunnysidestories]

Introductions Pt 2

Pt 1

Pt 3

Summary: Reader is a vigilante on young justice who goes to the same school as Walls. Only Wally doesn't know the readers identity, but she knows his. SLOW BURN

Wally West x Fem!Reader

"Hi, I'm Wally West. It's nice to meet you."

As his voice rang in my ears, and he seemed to look back at his book, my heart would begin to race. I sat there for a moment too long, so I quickly would pick up my own voice, even if it cracked. "I'm y/n l/n. It's nice to meet you too." He doesn't know. He can't know.

Wally would once again look back up from the textbook, his eyes seeming to scan along my face. "You're not new. I know you." shit. "Well, I just changed classes, not schools. I've been at Keystone my whole life. I'm just not the most popular person."

"Oh cool, I hope you like the advanced course. If you ever need any help I'll gladly give you my number. Science is one of the only things I seem to be good at." he genuinely doesn't know? I'm glad, at least this is my chance. Let's find out who Kid Flash is under all the spandex.

He's a nerd. He's a total nerd.

Often, before class, I would find myself in a conversation about the latest scientific fact, most of them being obscure. He seemed to always speak with his hands, a grin never leaving his face. I found out his uncle is a forensic chemist, which helps explain his passion for all things scientific. Even if he didn't outwardly say it, I could tell he meant a lot to him. But when the class would eventually begin, Wally would totally shut off the conversation, rarely continuing it over a note. He took the class very seriously.

He's not exactly how I would have expected him to be. Compared to how he is as Kid Flash, he's much more sporadic. He seems to always lead a conversation, which I don't always mind, but when he asked me about what I liked one time, he didn't interrupt. He let me rant for a while before I realized what I was doing, though he only encouraged me to go on with a smile.

...

"So that's why I've got to go to Central City for the week." Wally lied about some other excuse for a mission. It felt wrong knowing he's really going to fight crime. I have no room to talk, really. I'll be busy at Keystone myself. I wonder how much of it is actually a lie and how much is really fact.

"It's fine, I understand it's not your fault, but i'll miss you." Wally seemed to avoid eye contact almost if my comment had made him uncomfortable. I was telling the truth though, I would miss him. Even more than I would like to admit. I didn't pressure him about it further as the class went on.

But when it was time for us to take notes from the textbook, and the whole class was sent on their own, Wally would slide me a folded piece of notebook paper. He didn't even look at me, so if any outside eyes had seen the exchange, it would look as if he was returning something of mine. I would quietly open the slip to be greeted by Wally's hastily written writing.

Hey, text me the work I'll miss next week

My eyes scanned the page only to land on his number at the bottom. He could just get it from the teacher, but the fact he trusted me enough with his perfect grade was flattering. Wally's handwriting is another one of those things I didn't think would differ from note to note. Ones he had the time to write at home are always much neater, though his handwriting is much bigger than normal standards would accept, I don't mind. The notes he writes me at school are always messy, almost like he's trying to write faster than he can but doesn't want to use his speed, so in the end, it's just much slopper. If one didn't know Wally, they could rightfully assume the contrast between his writing could be the work of two different people.

Sure, but is it just for the notes right?

I would put in my own words under his before slipping it back to him. He would immediately slide it back into my hands. I didn't even think he wrote anything until I opened it again. This time, his handwriting was perfectly placed, almost as if it was typed.

Yes.

I tuck the paper in my jacket pocket, I'll put it in my drawer with the rest when I get home. I feel bad about throwing them away, so they sit in my bedside table, its not like anyone would ever go into my room and find them anyway. Sometimes, I like to read over them before I go on patrol. It reminds me of our conversation at the warehouse. One where I'm not as alone as I think I am.

Yet the nervous tapping of Wally's pencil brings me back to the class. He taps it ten times before flipping the pencil back over, continuing to write. No matter what, he seemed to always tap it ten times. In a way, it felt like he knew I zoned off. It was him bringing me back to everything. Even if it wasn't intentional. Wally fidgets a lot when he tries to focus or distract himself, the repetitive movements being a form of comfort.

...

It's Tuesday now, and I'm perched on top of a building in full gear. My phone sits in my hand with Wally's contact staring back at me. I need to text him the work from yesterday. I haven't even said hello yet. Hello is too formal, we are friends, a hey would fit better.

These past two days have been abnormally quiet. His empty seat in class is only a reminder of why he's really gone. I hope he's okay.

FLEETFEET

Hey, it's y/n. Here's the work from yesterday and today. Hope everything is okay in CC

2 attachments  sent 11:20 pm

I would sit there for a bit, looking at the screen. Maybe he's already on some sort of mission. Why is texting so stressful? As soon as I started to shut off my phone, it would light back up with his reply.

FLEETFEET

2 attachments seen 11:27 pm

Hey y/n! Central City has

been pretty cool, my Uncle Barry

showed me around his work at Star Labs today. That place is surprisingly

really huge. Thanks for sending

the work.

Seen 11:27 pm

Sooooo wyd?

Seen 11:28 pm

Its almost midnight, he should really go to sleep. I should really start patrol. This really isn't a good idea.

Nothing much hbu? just watching

traffic go by. I swear I've seen three

crashes in the span of two

hours ppl r wild.

Seen 11:31 pm

Dude you should see it here.

Traffic is actually so slow it

makes me want

to scream. We sat at a

red light for 4 whole mins.

Seen 11:31 pm

Oh. My. God. 4 whole mins?!1!

How can they do that to you!

Don't they know who you are!!!

Seen 11:33 pm

The hottest guy alive thats who.

Seen 11:34

I couldn't help but laugh at his statement. Typing back a quick 'pls lol' before turning off my phone. It was getting too late I needed to start. I wish he was here, sometimes I could get a glance of the yellow and red highlight speeding by back home, on this road, about this time. He never worked late at night. That was more left up for the other heros, ones like me. I look to the streets, the dim lights from the lamps only shone back with a faint glow. No streak of color to be seen, but a part of me hoped it would still apear.

My night was full of stopping petty crimes, luckily I didn't have to go against any metahumans, but still like any other night everything would start to hurt after a certain threshold. Inbeetween threats I would find myself checking to see if Wally had kept our conversation going.

He did.

Until 4 am.

He was asking me mostly about myself, which was weird in a way. But in another, it made sense. The questions were more deep then anything since he already had asked the basic getting to know each other questions months ago. In the end, though, he stopped the conversation telling me to head to sleep, as I had school in the morning. Which was true. Even after patrol, I was still texting him from the comfort of my home, but I would eventually listen, heading to get some rest.

The week would continue the same as the night before. I was sending Wally the work and him dragging on our conversation throughout the night, but never long enough for the sun to rise the next day. On Saturday was when one of his messages caught me by surprise.

FLEETFEET

Are you free to call?

Seen 1:12 am

Before I could even protest how that could be a bad idea or how that might reveal who I was, his contact was flashing onto my screen along with his picture. I place the phone to my ear and answer it. I hoped the interstate couldn't be audible up from here.

"I told you shes not going to- hey! Hey..."

Wally's voice picks up on the other line, he seems to be in some sort of living room, as the hum of a television can be heard in the background as well as someone else having a conversation.

"Hey Walls? What's up?" My voice sounded strained from not speaking for hours, I hoped Wally couldn't tell. "Oh, um, I was just wondering about some of the work you sent me. Like you took the photos of the work perfectly okay, but in the background, I saw something." At the word something, his voice would slightly jump.

Did I leave my equipment in a photo? was my reflection shown? Was it something he wasn't supposed to see?

"Yeah It's-It's going to sound really stupid. What... what were those papers spread out on your bed?" Oh. Ohhhhh no. The notes, I left out his notes on my bed. I must have got some of them into the frame. I quickly opened out a chat to the last photo. There they were. Luckily, they were not in focus, so he couldn't really tell what they said, but still. There they were.

His voice would start up again after my second of silence. "Are they really swamping you with that much work?" "Yeah, yeah. My other class, a big final its uh its is coming up, so I was studying the notes." I let out a sigh of relief. "But that's not your handwriting? It actually kind of looks like-"

"Wally, I have to go. I'll see you Monday at school."

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

That was terrible. He would never let me live that down if I told him I was keeping such things. That even more was embarrassing, I have to explain why I had to go. And I have until Monday for these excuses. Which is technically tomorrow. Fun.

...

I was saved. I got called into a mission before school at Mt. Justice. Even though Wally would be there, y/n technically wouldn't. When I arrived, he was already in costume talking to Megan about something. He still did the thing with his hands while he spoke. Making his statements larger than life and thoroughly exaggerated. "I just don't know what to do. I trust her more than anything, I wish she would just tell me. It's not like im going to judge her. She knows that. I mean, you heard the conversation. "

His back was turned to me, so I couldn't see his face while he went on. Although I knew what he was talking about. "Hey Megan. Hey Wally." I waved at the two while I walked past them to the kitchen. "H/n! You're a girl. I need advice. What do I do when my friend is keeping stuff from me." I would stop and slowly turn around to his pleading gaze. "Walls, aren't you keeping stuff from her? You have to trust her in that sort of regard. Give her time to open up."

"Thats...Fair." Wally would drop himself back to normal as my words got through to him. "Besides, it took me a while to realize I trusted you." Both in and out of costume. I do. I trust him more than anything. More than anyone.

So I should have told him. He said he wasn't going to judge me, and I know he wouldn't have. I let my emotions get the better of me at the moment, If he asks again, I'll tell him the truth. No matter what.

...

The mission went by with a breeze, the biggest threat being now as Robin sent Wally falling towards me at full speed. I ended up catching the both of us before he could send us tumbling over a building. I held us there for a while, my arms wrapped around him in a hug. He just looked at me. His heightened breathing trailed my neck as he grasped onto my arms. He didn't admit it, but he was scared, I was too. Fifteen stories were a lot to fall from.

The other heroes, as well as criminals, paid us no attention, too occupied in their own fights, as I held Wally at the edge of the roof. One of my feet hanging halfway off. I was closer to falling than he was. My back was to the city.

"Hey, h/n." Was all he said as his face began to knowticablely regain too much color. "Hey West." Wally would move his head to rest in the crook of my neck as he tried to calm his rapid breathing. He told me late at night over text one time he was scared of heights.

As I started to try to move us back away from the edge, Wally would only plant himself in my hold even more. I needed to help him snap back into the situation. Before he messed up and tipped us over.

"Wally. You've never asked me who I am before." Trust. He needs to trust me. "Be...Bec..Cause! You're not comfortable... ye-yet."  Inbeetween words, he would let out large audible gasping. "You won't judge me, right?" He shook his head side to side, keeping his eyes remained shut. I would let out a sigh of my own.

"I trust you. Kid Flash, I need you to trust me. Not only as h/n but as y/n. y/n l/n. The one who's going to get you off this roof. Back to the ground floor."

[bibibbon]

MHA chapter 420 rant

New chapter new rant it's become somewhat of a thing at this point 😭

So hori's out here deflating any stakes or tension as always. I personally hated what happend last chapter with Izuku losing both his arms but I did wish for hori to continue on the path he chose instead of completely reversing it with some bs in this chapter. Heck I don't understand how Eri even had enough energy to heal his arms considering it was stated chapters before that she couldn't and shouldn't help Izuku it wasn't her fight and neither should she be forced to watch what's going on but here we are.

Heroes are hypocrites when it comes to Eri and she deserves better. Oh Eri the ever so lasting plot device. As someone that likes Eri's character and wished for her trauma and what she went through to be explored this is just bs and shows that the heroes are incompetent hypocrites at their jobs for allowing Eri to mutilate herself (the same thing overhaul did to himself) so she can be useful to these people who she views as her saviours?!?!?! Let's not even tall about the fact that ECTOPLASM stated that he helped her with that and allowed her to do that like?!?!? You're an adult who is supposed to be supervising the child and you almost failed to stop her from running away into the battlefield but allowed her to do that to herself. Let's also talk about how aizawa horribly failed as a guardian like its clearly stated in the chapter that she did want she did because she was inspired by aizawa and how he cut his leg off so she mimicked him so she can be helpful?!?! Aizawa isn't angry, worried or disappointed but shocked and that's it nothing else he doesn't even reprimand her like seriously 😑.

Present mic and kurogiri deserves better. We still don't know where present mic is but he deserves better than this I still hate how his feelings aren't acknowledged in this bs and he is just there pushed to the side as support. Kurogiri is a mix at this point they seem to realise that oh oboro is dead he ain't coming back but kurogiri is acting on memories that haven't died and to be honest Iam sick of hori drawing the same memory panel over and over we should just get new content show us them play fighting or doing something that friends do idk 🤷‍♀️

Wasted potential aizawa at this point. I lasted made a post about aizawas wasted potential but dam does it really show and basically at this point hori reduced all the characters involved in the kurogiri situation to just that and it's sad like we could of had more and we should of. Aizawa was doomed from the start as he was hori's mouthpiece which sucks

Iam not a fan of everyone coming in to fight AFO. I already hate the fact that AFO is back but having everyone who hasn't had a big moment or can still fight yet come into the fight is horrible. Iam ok with having a few characters come in but having some endgame avengers type of thing is horrible especially because class 1A and izuku aren't shown to have a strong bond a lot of the time it's one of the reasons why the vigilante arc fails and why a lot of other moments concerning class 1A and izuku fail.

Iam a fan of the civilians trying to help however they can but no inko?!?!!?!!. I loved that we got the page of civilians genuinely wanting to help Izuku and offering their shirts to stop the bleeding also even though we don't get much from the all might guy I genuinely loved the development he has gone through. Sadly, I was expecting to see inko in this chapter and considering we had a whole page dedicated to the civilians it's sad that we didn't get any update on inko as she was probably there watching what happend to her son

Eri's dream. I loved that Eri's dream is something way outside of heroics and it's something that doesn't involve her quirk at all. It makes me remember of izuku holding her hand and telling her that he supports her dream. I wonder if Eri and jirou hang out often or anything considering that jirou is Eri's inspiration or if present mic also inspired Eri. it's sad that Eri's character is never truly explored considering what happend to her this chapter and the double standards that are with both heroes and villains.

ALSO MONOMA YOU DESERVE BETTER YALL TELLING ME THAT DENKI ALREADY QUIRK EXHAUSTED IS OUT HERE FIGHTING BUT MONOMA CANT FOR SOME REASON IS VILE

[new-tella-us]

Alright. No art. Just positive rant. The entire point of my redesigns was me being slightly annoyed at the designs and story of Seduce Me and having way too much positive nostalgia to be normal about this game. I love-hate this game. However! The one thing I will never, never shit talk Seduce Me for is its characters. The main six love interests (Yes I am counting Diana as a main love interest. Thank Demon War for that) are all so well written! I genuinely love them. Even Sam, my least favorite character, isn’t boring. I don’t dislike him for being a bad character, I dislike him because the tsundere trope annoys me.

But this isn’t a rant about the characters as a whole. This is a rant about Damien. Let me rave for a second. Because as melodramatic as his backstory is, it got me hook, line and sinker. I am convinced that either Michaela had a period of being obsessed with Damien or some redheaded fuck boy named Damien pissed her off so much that she made him into a character just to make him suffer. This boy is tragic!

Like b r o, all the other boys’ backstories can be summed up with “The palace life is boring, my dad is kinda shitty and I got one other, reoccurring, minor inconvenience” and then there’s Damien being like- “My mom suffered as my dad’s harem girl until she couldn’t take it anymore and tried to murder me before killing herself. Also my dad is extra shitty to me. He tried to kill me a few times. Food? That’s a luxury. Energy? I’m used to not having it. A room? What is that? Please let me become human because mind reading kinda sucks, oh wait, I only got a 1 out of 6 shot for that ending. And I’m not even the canon ending!”

And another thing! Matthew’s main bad ending has traumatized me for multiple reasons but that line, “That’s what you get for making me go to the human world” after he kills Damien! Now, Matthew is a favorite of mine, but in that moment, I wanted to shake that little bitch until his soul evacuated his body! Like, I don’t care that he was being controlled, how d a r e he come firing shots at Damien when all he wanted was a good life away from his abusive ass dad!? Bro Damien may have been the illegitimate child but at that moment Matthew was the bastard.

Tragic…

On a different, lighter note, I do love the sort of contrast between him and Matthew, at least on the topic of “naivety”. Of the two, you expect the fun loving, goofball to be the naive, kind of innocent one. But that’s not the case. Matthew is optimistic, Damien is innocent. Matthew knows what he wants and while the world is a wonder to him, he goes about the world with this sort of maturity, knowing what he wants to see and when. Damien is more of the spacey type. There is this level of inexperience to how he grasps the world as if he can’t even believe that it can exist. Plus, as much as he has an idea of what he wants to see, sometimes he feels like he must ask permission. Like in the New Years Episode where if you go on Damien’s route, he asks “Can we do this every year?”.

In conclusion, I want to wrap Damien into a blanket burrito and tell him that everything is going to be okay. And then take him to therapy because this man probably has C-PTSD. As my friends would say, I am mentally ill for this demon equivalent of a sad, wet dog.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Doctor Who, but Chronologically: 43

LOTS OF PLOT we're jumping on two years, it's 1969, and we're back with Smith, Amy, Rory and River for the Impossible Astronaut. Also Sterling from Leverage, that's fun.

Nothing else about this episode is fun.

I'm going to limit too much of this rant, but fucking hell. There are two (2) things on a loop in my head as I watch this episode, to whit:

The very first episode we watched was Fires of Pompeii. Donna wants to evacuate the city, the Doctor says they can't and tells her to listen. "I don't know what sort of kids you've been travelling with," Donna snarls. "But you're not telling me to shut up."

Just before the casting of Peter Capaldi was announced, Doctor Who was at its height in the UK cultural zeitgeist. For the first time, the public were talking very seriously about how much they wanted the Doctor to finally be a woman. And a female journalist at the time wrote a think piece about how she wanted it to still be a man, because she wanted her daughters to have a role model of how men are supposed to be, and behave.

Let's find out why those are haunting me!

So we start with the Doctor being shot in the head by an astronaut in America, and literally dying, but then it turns out he sent invites to Amy, Rory, River, a random American man, and his younger self, hinting them back to 1969. Before they leave, they need to burn his corpse.

"What do we do?" intones Karen Gillan so unconvincingly you'd think she was a "grieving" rich widower standing over the body of her fifth elderly husband.

"What the Doctor's friends always do," Alex Kingston says with genuine gravitas, because she's great. "What we're told."

...

...

...

ah I see why I'm thinking of Donna

Anyway, off they go. The Doctor spends his time being the epitome of toxic masculinity. At one point he literally yells the sentence "I'm being clever and there's no one to pay attention! What's the point of you!" I expect this was supposed to be humorous, but this was merely the latest whiny pathetic Elon Musk-esque mantrum, so it did not hit right. At another point he starts showing off how to fly the TARDIS, and River steps up and secretly corrects him behind his back. When he asks her if she touched anything, she lies, to preserve his manly ego (I am expected to find this #Feminist I think.) At several points he then insults these people we have just supposedly seen devastated and grieving over his loss; "Don't play games with me, don't EVER, ever think you're capable of it," he stamps and sulks (and he is genuinely sulking as he does.) He mocks Amy's weight, Rory's nose, and River's age. It honestly genuinely leaves you wondering why a single one of them gives a shit about his death. Oh, and here's one for the list, in a bit - River gives Rory an impassioned monologue about how her relationship with the Doctor works. They're both time travellers, so they're moving in opposite directions. This means that

a) One day, she will meet him and he won't remember her. "On that day, it will kill me," she says. This seems portentous.

b) When she first met him she was a young impressionable girl and he was this amazing man who knew everything about her. "Can you imagine what that does to a girl?" she says, describing herself as having been fucking groomed.

I see why I'm remembering a woman claiming this was a role model.

ANYWAY this is also the first of a two-parter. We go back to 1969, and learn there's a little girl phoning Richard Nixon every night asking for help; he's called in Sterling, who here is an ex-FBI agent who left because he wanted an illegal marriage (so either inter-racial, gay, or both, I'm assuming.) The gang go and find said girl in an abandoned warehouse full of Doug Jones, dressed as a creepy alien with penis fingers like King Prince Charles that everyone forgets whenever they look away (the whole alien, not the penis fingers.) She's also dressed as an astronaut, and has possibly been experimented on. Also Amy monopolises the Doctor's time across two separate scenes while he's trying to save a child by VERY VERY SLOWLY and with a billion repeated filler lines telling him she's pregnant, so... does that date us on Amy's timeline? I mean we know that's River now.

I mean we also know River is the one who supposedly kills the Doctor, so that'll be the astronaut. And the girl? Probably, though I don't remember the previous versions being American. Or wait! I do! Mels said she regenerated as a child in New York, so yeah, we know that. Honestly, very strange they're presenting all this as a surprise when we already know. Almost as though this is a deeply stupid order to watch the show in that ruins plot twists.

Well. Anyway. Then Amy shoots a literal child who is pleading for help. Believe it or not, that's actually the height of usefulness for her in this episode. Sexy Lamp test profoundly failed by Amy and Rory.

OKAY SO PLOT POINTS!!!! Let's see, let's see...

I mean hilariously the mysteries of this episode are almost entirely already known. River kills him. River is Amy's unborn child. River is the astronaut. The Doctor is the reason she's in prison, because she kills him. Is this why Amy and Rory thought he was dead? Maybe. Also, we know it's the Silents who brainwash Melody, so... presumably this is to do with them.

BUT, who are the penis fingered aliens? Haven't met them yet. We have our second reference to fish fingers and custard, which apparently massively matter to Amy. Um... Oh, yeah, River says she'll die one day when the Doctor doesn't remember her. Tbh babe you can do better. Hope you don't mean that.

“She” (an unknown person) is returning (perhaps River returned as Missy. Maybe Me? Maybe Clara???!)

There is something on Donna’s back

An entire planet, Pyrovilia, just… disappeared, somehow. (Maybe because the TARDIS is exploding??? Saturnine was also lost, and that WAS because of the TARDIS exploding. The lion man’s planet was also lost but he was a bit of a knob about it if I’m honest. The Thijarian planet was destroyed by some sort of impact). Is this the Flux?

Amy is maybe dead (she’s not)

The Doctor has been cubed (he’s out, but how?)

River is possibly blown up  (unless she’s Missy. Nope: she is definitely not blown up)

The TARDIS has blown up  (It’s fine now. Except it’s sort of melting now because it’s corrupted, but it’s fine again. NEW INFO: NOPE, back to not working.)

The universe appears to have ended  (the universe is back again)

The Doctor has employed(?) Nardole

(And Nardole was “reassembled???” Nardole had glass nipples and invisible hair?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE)

There’s a vault in the TARDIS and it contains Missy but we don’t know why (sometimes she knocks for the bants)

There’s an immortal Viking girl now. Her name is Me and she’s now looking after the people the Doctor abandons

Why was Rory entirely unconcerned by the entire world suddenly going silent when that is Not Normal and should have been, at the very least, extremely disconcerting?

What did the Doctor do to Queen Lizzie One?

Why is Amy seeing a one-eyed woman in a vanishing window? (She’s with the Silents, but we don’t know why Amy saw her)

Why is Amy’s pregnancy inconclusive? (Maybe because the baby had Time Lord DNA?) She's deffo pregnant and the baby becomes River, but why inconclusive?

Who is Sarah-Jane Smith?

How is the Doctor Bill’s teacher and why/where does he have an office?

What is going on with the Cyber War and the Cyberium???

What happened with the Other Cyber War?

What happened with the Third War that deleted the void?

Why does Rose seem particularly important?

What order do these Doctors go in? (Eccleston, Tennant, uncertain, Smith, Capaldi, Whittaker)

Which companion just… forgot the Doctor, and how?

Yaz and Vinder are about to die as Mori/Mwri/Muuri (Not anymore, somehow)

There is a Lupari shield around Earth.

What’s a Time War?

What’s the Rift?

What’s Bad Wolf?

In which war did the Doctor become a war criminal, and how?

Who is the Master?

Why has Amy forgotten Rory? How did she forget a Dalek invasion?

Is Rory plastic or not?

Why is the Doctor sulking on a cloud?

How exactly does the Doctor have a cloud?

What exactly happened with Strax to, uh, tame him?

Which friend killed Strax?

Which friend brought Strax back?

Where did this lesbian lizard and human couple come from?

What happened with Clara as Souffle Girl and the Daleks?

How does Clara actually join?

Why so many Claras?

Why is Missy apparently in robo-heaven?

Why is probably!Missy pushing Clara and the Doctor together?

What is Trensilor and what happened there?

Who is Handles?

The Doctor is about to be dissolved by a beautiful geode man

The universe is being crushed by the Flux

Will the Doctor open the fobwatch?

Sontarans are invading Earth again

Who is Kate?

Who is Osgood? Another name of Clara’s again?

The fuck is the deal with the Grand Serpent

Does Martha get to go to an ice cream planet with 12-fingered massage aliens?

How did the Doctor forget Clara?

Who is Bill’s puddle girlfriend Heather?

How did Nardole die?

When does Bill get Cyberman-ed and die?

When does the Doctor shrink and enter a Dalek called Rusty?

Whittaker is falling to her death rn

Was that ring relevant?

Does anyone know the Doctor’s name?

When did Yaz talk to Dan about fancying the Doctor?

When did Dan talk to the Doctor about fancying Yaz?

What’s happening with the bees?

What happened with Donna’s ex and a giant spider?

What war wiped out the Daleks, and is it one of the ones already mentioned?

What did the Doctor mean when he said “The (Daleks) always live, while I lose everything?”

If Dalek Caan is the last Dalek left why are there more now?

How did the rest of the Time Lords die?

How and why did Amy melt?

What’s the question that will make silence fall?

Why do the Silents… want silence to fall?

How and why are Silents at war with the Doctor when he… hasn’t even heard of them?

How does Hitler get out of the cupboard?

What’s the significance of fish fingers and custard? NEW INFO: same question but I'm repeating it

Why does the Doctor feel guilt about Rose, Martha and Donna?

What happened with the space whale?

When does Rory defend Amy for 2000 years?

How does the Doctor survive River. NEW INFO: he doesn't, apparently

How does he erase himself from history

Did Captain Jack lose his memories to the same people as the Doctor? What did he lose?

When did the Doctor send the Daleks into a void to save the universe?

What’s with the weird crack in the wall and is it affecting memories?

Why do Amy and Rory think the Doctor is dead? NEW INFO: is it because of River as an astronaut?

Is Matt Smith’s Doctor a tree racist?

Why is the beautiful geode woman stealing people into a Passenger form?

Who are the penis fingered aliens?

River says she'll die one day when the Doctor doesn't remember her, let's hope she doesn't mean it

[zalrb]

i know you’ve talked about lorelai and emily from gg before, but what were your thoughts on lorelai and richard?

i mean obviously there’s more of a mother-daughter focus on the show since that’s what it revolves around, but it always did kinda bother me that richard was - in a way - the one to open up the “you got pregnant at 16 and chose to throw away the opportunities i gave you” discussion in s1 (i believe it was in the episode where rory meets her other grandparents). and then the show kinda never addressed it again in that specific way, even though i genuinely think expanding on that scene alone more would’ve made lorelai’s relationship with emily and richard more interesting than irritating. bc i get that they were controlling, but the idea that we never see them be disappointed beyond that, and that that hypothetical disappointment never seems like a contributing factor to lorelai leaving, always felt kinda unrealistic to me. like you meant to tell me you became a teen mom and your parents with incredibly high expectations weren’t let down in some way? they simply jumped to trying to marry you off and when that didn’t work they - quite literally - left you alone to live in their mansion???

they - quite literally - left you alone to live in their mansion???

I'm not sure what you mean by this? Are you talking about the flashback? Because they didn't leave her alone to live in the house

It's just that they were going out the night that Lorelai had left as if it were business as usual

and the thing about the flashbacks is that if Richard and Lorelai are having this conversation in the present

and we're meant to see all the reasons why Lorelai would've left at sixteen with no plan to then live in a shed at the back of a hotel then in the flashback episodes I'm going to need to see what Lorelai is talking about way more directly in scenes that matter.

With Emily, yes, she yells at Lorelai while she's in labour for leaving a note and I'm not saying Emily was right for that because the whole thing is that if she were supportive, instead of yelling at Lorelai for not telling her, she would've asked if she's OK, if she's in pain, if she needs anything, she would just be there for Lorelai, I get that. But I also can't help but wonder what would Emily's reaction be if Lorelai actually just told her. It's kind of like when Emily reacted to Lorelai's news about marrying Max exactly the way she thought she would and it's only because Lorelai didn't tell her that she was getting married and she had to find out from Sookie and the whole point is that there's so much shit between them that by Lorelai attempting to protect herself it causes more friction except the shit between them needs more fleshing out. So, I would've rather a scene in the flashback where Lorelai and Emily are in the middle of an argument about something to do with the baby and Lorelai doesn't take Emily's advice so she picks at Lorelai and gets really sarcastic and is like "Oh, what would I know about babies, I only raised a child -- at an appropriate age I might add -- I only have x amount of years of experience, but I suppose that doesn't matter in the face of my teenage daughter's say so etc. etc." and then Emily leaves while continuing to rant, Lorelai feels her contractions and she slips out of the house to go to the hospital while Emily is still ranting in the background and THEN we can get the scene with the yelling and the note.

Which then leads to Richard and this specific qualm he brought up. In the flashback episode, instead of the scene with the note starting with them arguing about his scarf, change it to something like they're going to a dinner with his firm and Emily doesn't want to go and the two of them bicker back and forth about saving face, about salvaging their reputation, there's a passive aggressive remarks about Lorelai being unwed, they have to stand tall no matter how they feel about Lorelai's shortcomings etc. so we can see what their priorities are and see how Lorelai would be made to feel in that house.

and then the show kinda never addressed it again in that specific way,

the show attempts to do address the issues in that conversation with a couple of story lines but they're mostly entwined with Rory so namely when Richard meets Dean

and when Richard and Lorelai have that out about Yale

it's supposed to be this undercurrent that permeates every conversation they have with each other but again the problem is that we don't see how Lorelai is a sore spot for Richard to talk about outside of his argument with Strobe.

But the main issue with Richard is meant to be this

(which is also supposed to be the issue with Emily)

and we're supposed to see that with the way he came up with the plan to have Lorelai and Christopher get married without asking either of them how they felt. Although in that scene what we see is Richard coming up with a plan and not asking anyone how they felt including Strobe, Francine and Emily.

Also, after he defends her from Strobe, when Lorelai says that she feels sorry for him, he's like well save your emotions and Lorelai's just like OK so we're just going to end our conversation here, nothing resolved? and Richard essentially says yes

but the issue here for me is that I don't really see Richard do this. Richard is just a person who is uncomfortable with emotions in general, when Lorelai graduates and he gives her some money as a present she says genuinely, "Thank you, Daddy" and you see him flustered and he just nods and leaves. We don't see how he responds or doesn't respond to Lorelai when she refuses to get married.

When they have their Yale blow up, she's the one who misses two dinners and doesn't return Emily's calls, when Rory reveals that she applied to Yale as well, Lorelai has a tantrum at the table in front of guests, and storms out, when he and Lorelai get into that argument after they spend the day together he's like, you've never invited me to your house, so really what I'm seeing is that when Emily and Richard do something she can't control, she's the one who freezes them out and it's supposed to be a defence mechanism and a way to cut off people who are toxic for you but the toxicity of Richard and Emily are things I needed to see in action more frequently and more directly for it all to make sense in more than just theory because even the episode he spends the day in Stars Hollow, was he annoying? Sure. But he was annoying in the way parents are when they still parent you as an adult so the whole thing seems really overblown to me.

[sugawhaaa]

Gaon x reader

Sk8ter Boi

Part. 2 "can I make it anymore obvious?"

"Oh it's you," you accidently said out loud.

"Pardon?" He said followed by a slight chuckle and a little shoulder bounce.

"I didn't mean it that way! It's just I don't know I didn't expect to see you still here" you explained. Wait, why were you explaining yourself to him? He doesn't care, he's probably thinking that you're extremely annoying.

"No I understand," he grinned widely. He didn't seem as mean and cruel as your friends had said he was. You couldn't help but smile a bit at his expression, he looked so genuinely happy. Then there was an awkward silence. You cleared your throat.

"Ahem, sorry my friends are waiting for me, I gotta go," you said, slipping past him. He turned to look at you as did you. You waved and he said

"Okay" he had this expression on his face like he had just realized something. You walked down the steps by the washrooms before remembering you wanted to compliment his "weird" scarf because he seemed so offended yesterday when Kayla insulted it.

"Oh and one last thing" you called out to him catching his attention. He looked over to where you were. "I think that scarf is really cute!" You smiled warmly. His lips parted in shock before forming a smile that spread across his whole face

"Thank you!" He shouted back, you then turned around again to go look for your friends, which were nowhere to be found. It didn't bother you though. You had a long day of constantly being around people and it used up a lot of energy so you had almost none left. On your walk you couldn't help but reflect on what had happened. So first off the purple and pink duo are actually rude as fuck and the scarf dude is somewhat nice? Meh, not really that much to reflect on. You shrugged your shoulders, but all you've ever heard about these punks is that they're crude. Though you don't have much proof of this. If anything they're just annoying, kinda like a fly. You keep swatting it away and hardly acknowledging it but it comes back again. So this time you wait for it to get real close to you to grab it in your fist thinking you killed it, but when you open your hand it just Flies away again. Haha, that's a perfect demonstration.

Just as you were off in your spacing out thoughts you arrived in your neighborhood. As you were walking to your house you felt your phone vibrate in your little picnic basket which had your anime pin and your duck Keychain. You set the basket on the ground and squatted down to open it. You rummaged around a bit and found your phone. There was a message from Amira.

🦭Amira● hey, we're at the mall in the city, you wanna take a bus or ask your parents to drive you?

It did sound fun but you didn't have much money on you and you were very tired so you kindly declined. You closed the basket and held your phone in your hand. You walked only a short distance before your feet met your doorstep. You opened the front door and called out "I'm home!" When you walked in there was a strong scent of spaghetti.

"In here sweetie!" You heard your mother call from the kitchen. You closed the door and took off your shoes. You took the basket with you to the kitchen and set it on the dinner table. You ranted to your mom about your picnic (leaving all the boys out of it) as you put the garbage away from your basket. You then ate dinner and did some homework before going to bed. As you laid in bed you were thinking about the boy. Wondering what his name was. Maybe one of the girls will know.

You rolled over and texted your friends

•Do any of you know what the name with the weird scarf boy is?

You asked in the group chat. You waited a couple seconds before getting a chat back

•Yeah his names Jiseok but he goes by Gaon for some reason

Cherry Replied

•Oh thanks

You said before turning your phone off then you got a buzz. You turned back over and picked up your phone. Cherry spammed you

•Why?

•Did he talk to you!?

•Did you see him

She freaked out. You lied and said that he was in your science class (that bit is true) and you had just forgotten his name. You muted your phone, turned it off and plugged it in. You rolled over again thinking about him.

Gaon, jiseok. I like those names…

[slutforsfender]

𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 - 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐀𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓

I was currently out for lunch with Phoebe, her mum, and my granny as a little girl's lunch for a catchup, We'd usually do this back in my town in London but since I'm back home we went to a little café that we adored.

"Oh it is lovely to see you pet back in Newcastle" Alice, Phoebe's mum, spoke.

"Thank you, I'm enjoying being back" I spoke before sipping on my wine.

"Well I for one have missed you a lot and I'm sure I'm not the only one aye Jacq?" Phoebe addressed my granny while she ordered.

"Of course I did, it's my little girl but I did not miss you playing electric guitar at one am that's for sure missy" She joked with a stern look.

"Oh please you love it gran" I joked back.

"Gran me again missy and I will lock away that guitar again" She warned.

We all laughed it off as they sank into a conversation about missing me. These were the moments I had missed while in London. The lunches there just aren't the same casual family feeling between us all. I will never be able to forgive him for giving me the ambition to leave my favourite people that I needed by my side.

"You okay Bella?" Pheebs questioned, noticing my absence in the question and the only one knowing what had happened the night before.

I had rang her after I had calmed myself down, ranting for hours about the words that had been spoken. Her hatred was definitely fueled towards him and I did not blame her one little bit anymore.

"Yeah I'm fine, just missed these lunches" I hummed, picking up my glass to cheer with the others.

We had a lovely lunch talking about everything from teenage memories, to boys and anything else possible. My mind was distracted for the first time in a while and I had genuine smiles. I adored these women with all I had.

My phone suddenly buzzed by the side of me and I reached over to check it to be met with a message I was not expecting.

Dean: Hiya Bella, heard from the whispers of the streets you are back home. Me and the lads are missing our lil songwriter. Was wondering whether you wanted to have a few drinks with me and the lads tonight at the Low Lights. Sam will be there but we can defend you as well as Pheebs if she wants to join. Love ya lots Bella x

"Pheebs look at this" I spoke, showing her my phone. Shock reaching her face as well.

"Oh crikey. I think we should go though. I know you miss the lads and so do I and it could be fun. You can't spend the whole trip with us lot and can't him determine what we do. Come on" She spoke wisely. I nodded in agreement.

Arabella: Of course, we will come. Missed you bairns a lot as well, see you tonight x

"What's going on darling?" My granny questioned, confused by the interaction.

"Nothing just Dean asked if we wanted to go for a few down the Low Lights tonight with the lads" I explained to her.

"That sounds grand. I always loved Dean, he used to look right after you when you were bairns" She awed.

"Aye Dean is lovely, a little troublemaker but looked after you too for sure" Alice agreed.

--

It was now a little bit later and we were sat in Phoebe's flat with vinyls blasting getting ready. I sat on her floor with a glass of wine, fixing my makeup from this morning. I didn't want to go all out as it was the Low Lights but if he was there I had to show I was fine after yesterday.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Phoebe asked while doing her mascara in the bathroom.

"Just thinking about seeing everyone and him after yesterday yanno," I tell her honestly.

"Arabella if you can do half of the stuff you have done you can face a few old friends. And for him just ignore him, you're home and you can't let him ruin how you felt about Shields this morning" She advised, pointing the mascara tube at me for emphasis making me laugh.

Soon enough we dressed in our outfits taking a few pictures before setting off to the Low Lights.

"Ready?" She asked linking arms like usual.

"As I ever will," I said nodding causing us to chuckle a little.

We made our quick walk to the little pub, talking about anything that came to our minds. It was Phoebe's trick to keep me distracted as my nerves increased the closer we got.

"Here we go," She says opening the familiar doors.

Straight away we are approached by a group of rowdy boys, cheering our names making a smile come to my face. I was pulled into hugs, the first one of course being Dean.

"Oh I have missed ya wor lass," He said in my ear as he pulled away.

"Missed you too Deano" I reply, patting his shoulder.

Soon enough Tom pulled me into him, muttering a missed you. He had always been the big brother of the group. Then soon enough I was introduced to a few new people that had joined the group.

"Hiya I'm Joe, part of Sam's band. I've heard a lot about you from Deano. Must be a special lass" He said, pulling me into a hug and I could tell I already liked him. He seemed like a good laugh.

Another lad then came over to me, tripping over slightly making the whole group erupt in laughter.

"Cheers lads," He said to the group of boys before turning back around. "Hey, I'm Drew. Drummer of Sam's band" He explained, reaching his hand out.

"I'm not gonna bite Drew, you can give us a hug like. Nothing special here" I said, gesturing to myself before hugging him.

Then I met the final new one, another Tom who explained he was the bassist of the group. They all seemed like a good laugh and I knew that's why Sam had liked them.

Speaking of the devil, I looked up to be connected with his ocean blue eyes staring back at me. Neither of us moved for a second until a voice spoke up.

"Well we better get a drink than join ya lads" Phoebe spoke up, witnessing the eye contact.

"No need. Got your drinks and seats right here next to me" Dean pointed to the two spaces next to him which were far away from him. I knew that was his plan from the wink that came my way as I sat down.

I straight away gulped half my pint down as I laid eyes on it. "Oi oi, can see why the lads love ya so much now" Joe spoke in response to my actions causing us to laugh.

Soon enough we were all in conversation about what I've been up to and teenage memories. Dean was careful enough to not go near the topic of me and Sam which the other lads followed.

However, as much as I avoided the blonde lad, I could feel his eyes laid on me watching my every move. Making me wonder if Dean had told the lads about our relationship. Or why they said only Dean talked about me? Could he still not talk about me?

I stopped my brain from spiraling by downing the drink in front of me before the next round came.

"Steady on Bella. I'm getting flashbacks to when you were sixteen knocking 'em back like they were note" Tom laughed, recalling one of my drunken moments.

"Aye well, I believe I was a bit of a mess then. Some things never change" I mutter the words, finally reaching his eyes again.

"Yeah, I remember you and Sam were like all over each other. Disgusting sight, I'll tell you that" He says, crumbling his face up at the memory.

"Well, that's in the past now," I say with a bitter smile on my face as I turn to Dean.

"You alright lass?" He asked, knowing right now wouldn't be the easiest for me.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Got my best mate back ain't I?" I smile at him as he put his arm around me.

"Never went anywhere" He whispered in my ear while Phoebe turned to us.

"Did I hear something about best friends?" She asked, whipping her head around.

"Yep, saying Deano's my best mate" I joke as she acts offended.

We joke around as a little trio for a few minutes like back in the old days. It was nice, I had missed our little moments.

"Sam you have a face like a smacked arse mate. What's up? Got no lasses tonight or something?" Drew questioned the boy in the corner as I stared at the table. Feeling like something had stabbed my heart at the thought of him with girls.

"I need air" I spoke suddenly, walking towards the door.

"Drew what the fuck" I heard Dean shout.

"What? They were years ago" Drew shouts back and I heard a chair scrape across the floor. I was certain it was Phoebe.

I got outside and slid down the brick wall next to the doors, feeling my heartache and breathing increase.

"Drew can be an idiot" Sam spoke as he joined me in my place.

"You should go back inside," I said, standing back up and creating distance.

"I don't always have girls Arabella. He just thought it was funny since I've been single since I met him" He spoke, standing up close to me

"It's not my business. Go back inside" I spoke bitterly, turning around.

He didn't say anything but instead stood behind me as I caught my breathing. I knew he was thinking of something, but I still knew him better than anyone.

My body kept tensing up at my thoughts and stress. I knew he could see it in my shoulders.

He stepped a step closer to my back before placing a kiss on my neck, trying to soothe me.

Do not give in Arabella. It's a trick.

Then his hand came to my arm. There it was. The familiar touch.

Ignore the feeling. It's not safe.

"Rose. Turn around please" He whispered in my ear and I was back under his spell like that.

I did as he said but did not dare to look at his face. Instead, my eyes were firmly set on the floor beneath us. Until his fingers came to my chin and he pulled my face to look at his.

I took the silence and moment between us to admire him for the first time tonight. It was an instinct of mine that I had always done in these moments between us but this one felt different. The connection felt different between us.

His face was illuminated by the street lights around and the moonlight showing the blonde in his hair. His hair was messy but that kind of messy that gave me butterflies. There was a patch of stubble on his chin, showing our age difference since the last time we stood like this. My eyes flickered over every single detail I could find. I knew what he was waiting for and what a subconscious part of me was waiting for. I knew to resist.

"I'm surprised Phoebe hasn't come out" I whispered to him.

"I told her not to. And since she never listens to me, I'm guessing Tom is doing us a favour thinking we need to talk. Then Dean will be getting protective and having a small go at everyone while also filling everyone in slightly on us if I know our lot" He whispered back, moving small bits of hair out of my face while drawing shapes on my hip bone.

"They are more your lot than mine these days" I whisper back.

"Never, you will always have a place in our group. A place everywhere. A place in my soul" He whispered, looking into my eyes again.

Right then and there, I didn't want to move. I knew I should but the feeling I had was enough for the rest of my life being stood there. I didn't give myself time to think before I did my next actions.

I moved my hand up to his neck before pulling his face down toward mine. We looked at each other before our lips connected. His soft lips moved against mine and my hand moved to his little hairs.

There it was, the feeling I had the last time. The explosion of butterflies, safety, adrenaline, and home. A different kind of feeling from what I had when we kissed back when we were sixteen. I knew what I wanted then even if I was to regret it. I just wanted one night between us to explore this new feeling. To be with him.

"Come on" He whispers as if he could read my mind.

"I have a free house" I whisper as we stop to kiss again.

We make the quick walk to my house which ends up being longer as we keep stopping to kiss. Both of us not wanting to ruin the moment.

As soon as we step into my hallway, he picks me up and kisses me making me let out a squeal and causing the man in front of me to smirk. We instantly go back into a kiss like we shared outside the Low Lights. Slow and soft but with all the tension and need.

His lips moved to my neck and jaw while I let out moans and played with his hair. Soon enough he found my sweet spot causing me to move against his hard-on that was growing making him let out a groan. Before I could even register, he was carrying me upstairs to my bedroom.

The door shut behind us as we entered he put me down and pressed me up against the wall, continuing his attack. While I moved my hand down towards his trapped cock, palming him causing him to groan against my neck.

"Jump" He groaned in my ear as he picked me up again and dropped me onto my bed.

He made his way on top of me after we had both shaken off our shoes. I straight away yanked at his top, signally for him to take it off. He pulled it over his head and my hands instantly roamed his chest while he cupped my breasts through my crop top.

I couldn't take this teasing any longer and I started grinding against him. His hands soon came to my top, ripping it off and repeating his actions with my skirt. Leaving me in my pants and bra in front of his eyes.

He stepped off the bed to take off the rest of his clothes and get a condom out of his jeans ready. That's when the reality hit me. That here I was with him once again in the most vulnerable way possible as I stripped myself of the last bits. Yet there was no fear in my body because his touch made me feel safe. Not safe in the way it will last for a day or so but that safe you know never disappears.

He looked me in the eyes and we shared a smile before I tried to cover up causing him to reach out and stop my hands.

"You're beautiful Rose" He whispered as he got back on top of me, placing kisses down my body.

He spent time on my breasts, placing kisses on my nipple while the other one was being rubbed back and forth between his thumb and finger.

My moans were echoing through the room as my head went further back into the pillow beneath my head.

"Sam" I moaned out beneath him.

"What baby?" He said, looking up at me with his ocean eyes and I could of came right then and there at the sight.

"I need you" I whispered into his eyes.

He nodded and continued his trail of kisses before placing little ones on my clit making my moans even louder. He worked his tongue over my clit before deciding to fuck me with it. His thumb worked my clit while his tongue worked my hole.

"Sam I'm getting close" I whispered as my hips jerked towards him.

"Not yet baby. Going to cum on my dick okay?" He said as I nodded in response.

He came up to my lips and kissed me once again. I could taste myself in his mouth which made this whole moment a whole lot more hotter if I'm being honest. He aligned himself with me after rolling the condom on, entering me causing us both to let out a moan.

His pace was slow at the beginning while you shared kisses before he sped up causing your nails to mark his back while he groaned into your neck repeatedly. That was a sound you wanted on repeat as it caused butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

"Nobody could make me feel like you do" He whispered in my ear as we both got closer to our highs.

"Cum when I say so," He says but I couldn't respond as you felt too weak.

He attacked my lips as his pace slowed due to nearing his high.

"Now" He whispered against my lips as you both released.

We stared at each other for a minute, contemplating what had just happened before falling next to each other. Sam put his arm out behind me for me to put your head on his chest.

"That was something else" I whispered into the room.

"It's not like that with others" He whispered.

"There's a different feeling than there was back then" I whispered, scared to bring then up.

"I know how you feel. It's like it's new but it's not" He explained in a few words but I knew what he meant.

We didn't have to say anything else, we lay in a comfortable silence before falling asleep entangled in each other's arms sharing kisses. 

----

so...yeah. that happened, how are we all feeling after reading the first smut of the book. a dramatic one for sure. i actually loved writing this, like i could picture every bit of it. sorry it starts off slow. love ya x

[toomanyfandomsthings]

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Next in your read list :

Favorite antagonist:

Thanks if you want to answer....

Ooo thank you for the ask! :D Some of these are really hard to narrow down to just one, but I'll do my best!

Favorite female character: Hmmm if I had to pick just one, it would be Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket! <3 She's so sweet and genuinely kind and also so strong willed. She sees the best in everyone and wants them to be happy but also rarely puts herself first, and it's nice to see her grow over the course of the series. <3

Favorite male character: Aki Hayakawa from Chainsaw Man, without question <3 I love him so so much, his whole story arc is so well written and he is so kind and caring and such a sensitive soul and I'll spare you my whole rant about him but he's just the best and my favorite character in literally anything <3

Favorite animanga: Hmmm I'd have to say Tokyo Ghoul! I genuinely think that series is a masterpiece and I read it at a time where I really really needed it, so it has a special place in my heart <3 The characters are wonderful and so well written and the story is so gut-wrenching and heartfelt. Also Ken Kaneki is like...right behind Aki in terms of favorite characters out of all things I've read <3 I love that series a lot, I really need to re-read it sometime.

Animanga you are currently enjoying: Ahh I'm not watching too much recently because grad school work is kicking my butt, but I've been catching a few episodes of A Sign of Affection and I'm really enjoying that! (also helped by the fact that Itsuomi's voice in the dub is also Aki's please don't judge me XD) I've also been watching Bucchigiri?! and I....think I like it? Still figuring out my opinions on that one, but I like Marito Jin and he's kinda the only thing keeping me watching XD

Animanga that exceeded all your expectations: Chainsaw Man! I *hated* Chainsaw Man for a good amount of the time I was reading it, I was kinda only in it for Aki's story for the longest time. And without spoiling the manga, there's a big plot reveal at one point that, when it happens, puts a lot of the story in perspective and I genuinely had a moment where I had to put down my phone and be like "......oh my God.....this series is so smart." So once I re-read it with the whole story in mind, I absolutely loved it <3

Unpopular animanga you really love: Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori! <3 I will sing this show's praises every chance I get! The manga isn't translated in English, so I haven't been able to read it (though I do own up to volume 16) but there is a 12 episode anime on Crunchyroll listed under "Yotsuiro Biyori" and it is one of my comfort shows! It follows four very sweet gentlemen and their cat as they work in a tea shop and help their customers though their problems. It's so so sweet, the characters are so adorable and kind, and it's pretty episodic so you can jump in pretty much anywhere and follow what's going on. Definitely recommend it!

Favorite romance: I don't actually watch a lot of romance anime, so I guess I'll probably have to say A Sign of Affection for right now XD Or Sasaki and Miyano, that series was cute too! :D

Favorite action animanga: Jujutsu Kaisen! The fights in that anime are unmatched <3

Favorite fantasy: Ahhh this one's hard! It's either Yona of the Dawn or The Case Study of Vanitas, but I'm leaning towards Yona purely because I think about it more often! Both of those series are phenomenal! <3

Favorite sci-fi: Psycho-Pass! <3 .....I say having only watched the first 2 seasons and the movie! But the first season of Psycho-Pass IS a masterpiece! And the movie is also really really good! .....We don't talk about season 2 XD

Favorite comedy: Life Lessons with Uramichi-Oniisan XD I love the comedy in that series *so much* XD It does get very dark and pessimistic with it's comedy though, I have very rarely shown it to other people and gotten a reaction other than ".....oh my God" so....be aware of that going in XD

Favorite anime movie: Howl's Moving Castle! <3 I have seen that movie an *unhealthy* amount of times, both in theaters and at home. I....I like that movie a lot haha

Next in your watch list: Metallic Rouge, Ninja Kamui, and Delicious in Dungeon, because friends recommended them to me! :D

Next in your read list: I really wanna catch up with Moriarty the Patriot, I have up to volume 13 and I need to take a day to just catch up with reading it <3 (the anime's great though please watch the anime)

Favorite antagonist: Shogo Makishima from Psycho-Pass <3 I love him so much, what an awful person who also totally makes sense for the world he is living in. He's got such an intimidating presence and also has so much charisma XD VERY good antagonist :D

Thank you so much for asking! :D

[solardragun]

v7/v8 made me dislike ruby a lot but v9 made me really side with her. i've been in her shoes, with having to put on a strong happy face for everyone because their problems always seem to be bigger than mine.

but to see yang walk ahead of blake to shield her from ruby really broke me. like?? do you not know your own sister?? do you genuinely think she'd harm her own teammate??

blake doesn’t need protection, and it’s weird how yang tries to shield her like ruby is about to hurt her. i get bumbleby's whole thing is "we're protecting each other"

but that doesn't mean go and protect blake (who has shown she can hold her own in a verbal argument anyway) against your own sister, yang!

sorry for the rant, i just am in shock that this was written and executed this way with no one thinking of how ruby would feel from this. ruby was somehow more effected by jaune's rant (which, while valid, doesn't change the fact that jaune basically held a whole town hostage for 10-20 years) than by yang shielding blake.

i also grew to dislike ruby in v7 and 8 because of her hypocrisy (that got half addressed before dropped) and her attempt to talk down all the adults and take over before making situations way way worse. however i do agree that i also began to sympathize with her in volume 9, and it felt like her actions were finally being addressed while also showing that maybe she isn't suited to be the leader like she and everyone else thought.

the whole yang vs ruby thing angered me. i'm sorry, but YANG? the actual hothead who trashes clubs, assaults grown adults, destroys government property, charges into battle headfirst. that yang? meanwhile ruby is the kindest, sweetest person, who despite being socially anxious, tried her best to make friends and impress others. the kind, quirky girl who loves cool weapons and adores the adults in her life and wants desperately to be like the heroes in fairy tales?

yes, as I addressed, she started fumbling as the weight of the world finally started to get to them, she charged through situations half-baked, thinking she knew what was best because it's what everyone expects of her. but at her heart she's still a kind, simple soul who is meant to see the light in every situation, and yet the moment she started losing sight of that, wondering if she truly made mistakes, the friends that propped her up as the best leader and someone they looked up to, they let her fall.

yang, who grew up with her sister, who knows her inside and out. yang, who went into this FOR ruby, insisted she only took part to make sure her little sister was safe. that same yang turning against that said sister she fought so hard to find is astounding to me. her sister is falling apart at the seams, having panic attacks and an identity crisis and struggling with guilt and shame and the horrifying thought that she made the world worse and helped salem grow closer to victory. and yang instead steps up to defend blake.

ruby has never been a threat, not like this. ruby screaming and crying and having a reasonable and justified meltdown after everything she's been through should not be met with yang putting herself between her sister and girlfriend, nor should it have been brushed aside.

it bothers me because the show and fans insist adamantly that yang is the greatest big sister, but then say that yang doesn't have to always be there for ruby and that she's allowed to make time for blake. nobody said that yang wasn't allowed to spend time with blake, the issue was this. the issue was that yang sensed her own sister as a dangerous threat and stepped between her and blake as if ruby is the one with anger issues who flies off the handle and attacks anyone and anything with said anger. it's ridiculous.

yang sat there while her sister fell apart and did and said nothing beyond limp "are you okay?" the person who actually tried to be there for ruby was weiss, despite the flawed writing of her character. i'll give her credit there. but imagine your team partner trying to comfort you over your own sister who is too busy making googly eyes at her girlfriend or defending said girlfriend against you.

i didn't watch the last two episodes so i'm not gonna touch on that, but yang throughout this volume showed where exactly her priorities lie.

[94erz]

Morning tangent 'cause I hate algorithms.

Started my day seeing an ARMY Tweet forced onto my For You page all because they mentioned something else I'm interested in via my main account and now I'm thoroughly convinced k-pop makes people miserable. Like genuinely insufferable.

''Concerts are ruined for me now, Western artists don't have lightsticks, their fans don't do freebies, and what do you mean I have to sit through opening acts?'' like do these people just genuinely hate music? Serious question.

Some of the best acts I've seen live have been opening acts, it gives you an opportunity to discover an artist you otherwise might not have come into contact with. One of the best examples for me was seeing Hozier and Little Green Cars opening for him, they were fucking incredible! They opened their set with a full acapella version of one of their songs and it left such a huge impact I went home and bought their whole album. I still listen to it to this day! So like, what the fuck. Maybe people should try opening their minds a bit and let themselves enjoy new shit, it really does wonders.

Another thing they bitched about are the ''lack of freebies'' while going on about how they went and saw the Jonas Brothers whose fans ''didn't do freebies'' which is just factually wrong. Their fans do in fact make freebies, and we know this because fans will give them out to the brothers' wives and children too, not just other fans. Kevin's wife LITERALLY 3 DAYS AGO posted her freebie bracelet she got for her birthday, and that's on top of all the ones their daughters get, and plenty of other family members posting when they get freebies too...so like, it's not even true that Western artists fans don't do freebies. This person really had the audacity to try and paint a fandom as ''boring'' simply because they didn't get an experience they didn't even try to find because they closed themselves off to thinking other artists and their fans are worse compared to the group they stan. What an asshole. What an asshole way to live life.

They also complained about dancing, like bitch go and see a dancing artist then, plenty of pop artists dance, if you go to see a band that has never danced at their shows you're not going to suddenly get dancing. Just like I wouldn't go and see BTS and suddenly expect them to play instruments. If they have never presented themselves as that type of artist, why the fuck would I expect otherwise?

They also complained about not getting ending ments...and like no shit, normal people go to music shows to hear music, no one should actually need a show with an hour of music cut in order to place a whole speech there instead. Plenty of artists break throughout their shows to talk with fans and engage with their audience, they just don't do it for half the damn concert like k-pop artists do. It's not a flex like k-pop fans think it is to know they get less songs because they have to account for time to keep the parasocial dependency alive.

And I hate lightsticks, personal hot take I guess, but they were annoying when I saw Hoseok at Lolla. People had them on the entire night, waving them and blocking people's view behind them. They were honestly the worst part of the night, there's not a single video I could take without them blocking my camera at multiple points.

End rant. I just really can't stand these people. I can't imagine being invited to a concert with a friend or family member and my only take away are all the ways I now think the concert-going experience outside of k-pop is just 'the worst experience' that 'concerts are ruined for me now!' because I let myself be closed off to it. Tickets wasted on someone when an actual fan could have gone and had an amazing time. Miserable.

[janeykath318]

Science Talk: TaserTorch

Prompt: “I haven’t seen you since you blacked out and threw up on my shoes at that party last year.”

“So, is that a no to the date, then?”

“Heads up Darcy: your flaming admirer is on his way over here.”

Clint whispered a warning to his friend, who turned and sighed when she saw Johnny Storm coming toward her. The man was cute, but a walking red flag.

“Thanks, Clint. I’ll dispose of him quickly,” she murmured.

“And I’ll help you get rid of the body,” Clint muttered with a much too eager grin.

“He’s not THAT annoying,” Darcy sighed.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Johnny said, sauntering up beside her with his usual obnoxious smirk. (Okay, it was kind of cute, but she’d be dead before she’d admit that.)

“Ugh. Storm.” She sighed. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Nice to see you too, Lewis. Thought you might like to talk a little science.”

She didn’t believe him.

“I haven’t seen you since you blacked out and threw up on my shoes at that party last year.” Darcy reminded him, hoping he’d be a little embarrassed at his idiocy. Those had been very expensive shoes, after all.

“So, is that a no to the date, then?” he persisted, looking only slightly chastened at the memory.

“What do you think?” Darcy retorted. “If you genuinely want to talk science, we can talk right here in this semi-crowded room filled with nerds and superheroes.”

She fixed him with a challenging stare, expecting him to brush her off or double down on the flirting, but Johnny just nodded.

“Fair enough. I’m far from the level Reed or Banner or Stark are, but I’ve always found space fascinating. Your article on supernovas was really interesting.”

“You read that?”

Darcy’s eyebrows rose. She’d thought the only thing he would read would be Playboy or Popular Mechanics.

“Yeah. I had to google some terms, but it was really interesting and informative. Also, you have a very engaging way of writing that stands out among some of the dry as sawdust stuff in those journals.”

“Thanks,” she replied, with a slight chuckle. “That’s one of my pet peeves in the field. I want to make science fun and fascinating, not bore people to sleep. I could go on a whole rant about that, but that might drive you away.”

“Try me,” Johnny stated.

“You mean that? Cause we might be here awhile,” she warned him.

“I don’t mind,” he replied. “It’ll be way more interesting than dealing with Reed’s condescending attitude. He’s a good brother in law, but totally insufferable sometimes.”

“So I’ve heard,” Darcy agreed, glancing over to see Reed and Tony chatting. “Jane gets all ragey for a solid day after meeting with him. If you’re serious about listening to my impassioned rant, we’d probably better go sit down in the lounge.”

“Sure,” he agreed, happy she was willing to talk to him about it. Finally, some common ground.

Much to Darcy’s surprise, Johnny turned out to be not just a good listener, but an actively engaged one as well. He was genuinely interested in learning about her studies and asked very good questions that kept her on her toes. As a result, she let her guard down and they talked about a lot more than science.

She found herself laughing as Johnny described the pranks he’d played on Reed and Ben and the all out war he’d had against Clint, another champion prankster.

The time sped by, and before they knew it, the place had emptied out and the time was late.

“Whoa. How did it get to be 11:30?” she wondered.

Johnny looked up in surprise. “Wow. I have no idea. You needing to leave?”

She nodded.

“Yeah. I turn into a pumpkin at midnight. But it was nice talking to you. When you’re not a horn dog, you’re actually really interesting.”

Johnny turned a bit pink.

“I’m working on turning over a new leaf. Thank you for this. I’ve learned a lot tonight. Walk you to your car? I’ll behave.”

“Given how late it is, I think I’ll take you up on that,” she said, as she rose to go collect her things. “I hate going out in the dark and you have a handy built-in lighting system.”

Johnny chuckled. “Yup. Occasionally I am useful for something.”

He was as good as his word and lit the way with a flaming fireball in his hand.

“Not gonna lie, that’s really cool” she admitted as she opened her car door. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Maybe I’ll see you around sometime?”

“Most likely. Try not to get yourself killed in the meantime,” Darcy urged him.

Johnny smiled at her. “I’ll try. Have a nice night, Darcy.”

As she drove off, he ambled slowly towards his own car, thinking happily how nice it was to be able to be himself for once and how refreshing Darcy was. He was sick of simpering fangirls who just wanted to get him in bed and he was sick of not being a person someone like her would ever want to be with. He knew he’d have to work for it and it might take awhile, but he felt she was definitely worth it.

[dear-mrs-otome]

Hey do you know a possible explanation for Silvio's aversion to touch when it comes to women (who initiate it) ?

This may be because of a past trauma. It might have been that he was never touched, as a child, by his Mother or other female caregivers.

I think now it's pretty obvious that his mother heavily neglected him because she favoured her (eldest?) son Emilio, and also his father didn't give a damn about him by what it looks like; moreover, seeing how good Rio's mother was to him made Silvio jealous of that affection and even more lonely imo. This created both a desire for that touch because of what he saw with Rio's mother, and an aversion to it because he simply didn't know how to handle it/ wasn't used to it. Between the desire and the aversion is a great deal of tension, stress, fear and many uncomfortable feelings in general.

After reading his birthday story, i don't think that he feels just embarrassment when he gets touched by women (Emma in this case). Maybe I read it all wrong or I'm digging too much into it, but he was quite displeased imo, it wasn't a good sensation for him. He gets flustered, but also incredibly uncomfortable when he's not the one who initiates physical interaction with women (i still can't quite explain this behavior though, is he a control freak now? Godddd pls give us an interesting psychological explanation and not just "he's a very shy man uwu", i want DRAMA and TRAUMA and ANGST!!!)

Anyway, sorry for my rant and for my English, it's not my native language

Heya Nonny, first off your English is great don't be self conscious! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts 😊

As for my theories or musings on the whole touch thing, post birthday story, I'll ramble under a cut.

As of right now I don't know a concrete reason for why Silvio loathes being touched by women so much. I wonder if it might be a combination of what you suggested, a lack of warmth from his parental figures, and perhaps of the fact that from what little we've gathered about his interactions with women prior to Emma it's all been about gold-digging. Disingenuous women who only seem interested in his money - or at least that's what SILVIO thinks.

Silvio is the eldest of the three sons, which both sort of stings that he's the most neglected and makes a terrible sort of sense - the eldest is often expected to get by and manage things on their own, to be more independent and have their accomplishments be 'expected'. But that can backfire and leave them feeling neglected and passed over as well...and that's in a functional family.

I don't think it's reading it wrong to think after his POV that his feelings surrounding being touched by women are very complex and not simply being shy. There is some degree of that, in how he blushes and blames his pounding heart on his anxiety (which it wasn't really). I think there is a genuine desire to be closer to Emma, but there's genuine distress as well - in JP he uses the terms 気持ち悪い and 嫌悪感 to describe his feelings, and those are not happy words. They indicate real discomfort and revulsion, an almost physical NOPE reaction that he has to struggle to ride out. Even in the AU story he flat out says he's not really slept with women but he's willing to (try) because it's her.

As to what is the source of this, I guess we'll find out. It definitely seems like it could be some sort of deep-seated trauma...could Cybird pull an interesting switch and have Silvio be the victim of sexual assault? Not that it's ever a good trope to rely on, but it's rare that the concept of male victims are ever explored or given the attention they deserve. If so, I hope they manage to do so respectfully.

[theunbelievableinventor]

A RANT ABOUT THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH ENDING

I want to say that this is not a post to hate absolutely anything or anyone, I love the show, I would just like to discuss and expose the directions I wish the story had taken…

I don´t like Lee Gon with Tae-Eul

I think romance is cute? Okay, but their personalities are so different that it doesn't feel right for them to be together… Opposites attract, but I don't think they work out well in the long run, even with Tae Eul showing her more vulnerable side… They are drastically different. Don't complement each other at all… But I'm not a fan of Lee Gon x Jo Yeong either, i will talk more about this later...

After we saw Tae-eul and Sin-Jae's backstory, it honestly didn't improve my view of the Lee Gon x Tae Eul dynamic at all, but it did a lot for me to like the strange companionship between the detective and Captain Jo…

Tae-eul never seems to reflect well on the things that happen around her, she's just reacting or is being impressed constantly (correct me if I missed a scene) she doesn't reflect on Lee Gon's actions, she only cares if they will seeing herself again, but with a magic flute and a boyfriend from another dimension who claimed to 'know' her before she even knew he existed…she doesn't ask Gon any of the questions that we would expect someone in her position to ask. .. it could even be the simplest, things like "Do you really like me for me now? or are you still hoping I'll save you from that night?" "What if I'm not the one you're looking for, and it's someone from a third world? Would you like me any less if that were the case?" you know… the basics

Back to the king and his unbreakable sword, He and Captain Jo are the epitome of what you would call platonic soulmates, it's wonderful that he's the one who walks in beside Gon on the NIGHT OF HIS TRAUMA, AS HE'S THE ONE WHO'S BEEN BY HIS SIDE HIS WHOLE LIFE. They don't need to be romantically involved to want and do the best for each other. Does it have potential? yes, but I can't see it like that. Honestly, I'd rather have Captain Jo with Detective Kang than the King

I WON'T LIE TO YOU, I didn't realize it was Lee Gon himself who saved his younger version until I looked it up on YouTube, it filled me with excitement and joy! I genuinely cried of happiness, it was such a beautiful gesture of self-love that was soon crushed by the persistent idea of the series trying to making us believe that the romantic love he cultivated with Tae Eul was something "magnificent" to the point that after all is over, he used the flute that started all his troubles going after the version he met of her in one of the many universes he now has access to * rolls eyes *

I don't care about spoilers, so I didn't contain myself and did some research, and one of them was the scene of him telling the little boy, son of the now Minister, his name, and it gave me almost the same feeling as when I found out that he himself had been saved. ..

But then they used the magic flute to travel between dimensions and… Ugh, it was kind of cute to see the scene showing the aging of the two, but as it was developed, it didn't make much sense for them being together as a couple.

How would I REWRITE: the child would actually be the son of someone present at the meeting, I don't know, some former classmate of Lee Gon, family member of someone from the court, whatever his parent, who would later become the romantic partner in life of our king, this with the passage of time shown in the final scenes… And yes, Lee Gon would pass his throne to this boy, I think it would be a good way to to make a repair parallel to the great envy and feeling of rejection that Lee Lim felt… I see this child's parent as someone from the "liberal arts" as Lee Gon so often uses the term to describe many around him, I think he would benefit from being with someone like this, since we met him, we know that he has a very sensitive side despite leaning heavily on science... I think it would be a more balanced relationship than with a police officer, due to his affinity with Einstein's theories and the quality of artists to express themselves to walk through what is abstract;

About his relationship with Tae Eul: the portals would be closed forever, but he would always remember her as his first girlfriend, and the person who helped him discover romantic feelings, being a dream for a while, after getting to know her closely. Although in love, and ignoring the factor of living in separate worlds, he would know that in the long run they would not work out.

The ending would have a Lee Gon who has overcome his trauma by learning to see opportunities to be happy in the life he has.

[ladychlo]

hi chay, dont mind me just a curious lad with a silly question. if someone is generally very masculine about the way they dress and act like and talk abt themselves, does that mean they can't be genderfluid? like, i as an afab who's very confused abt my gender, i love to dress up in a feminine way, i love dresses i love make up i love long hair and i do "act" like a girly referring to myself as she/her and all of that /sometimes/ more in public tho. i love all of my feminine features. but sometimes i do wanna dress up in a more "masculine" way yk? i wear my dad's or brother's clothes sometimes and act like a lad. and i do sometimes find myself more comfortable in that kind of attire. im not trying to be stereotypical abt this but idk how else to express this im sorry. so i just can't help but wonder that if a man, a queer man to be more specific, who is so "masculine" all the time, wears laddy clothes calls himself a lad and all of that stuff and just is very kinda cis in expressing himself most of the time, and it might not be pretense ok but then why does the idea of him wearing dresses at home so bothersome? there are people who say its disrespectful to assume that every queer guy is flamboyant or genderfluid in some way or the other, that it's stereotypical. but if lgbtq and just gender in general is a spectrum of infinite colors, isnt it just as stereotypical to assume that just bc someone dresses and acts a certain way they can't do other stuff? just bc a laddy lad acts like a typical cis lad with everyone, he can't wear dresses at home just for the mere fact that he finds comfort in it? and if assuming that about someone is rude then assuming the opposite should be to! or should it not?

im just very confused abt the whole thing and im like very very new to this, all of this, like a baby queer if you can call me that so I'm really sorry if anything i said up there came out sounding offensive or one-dimensional or like idk not ok, i genuinely apologize that was not the intention. im just very confused about a lot of things rn and this is just me trying to make sense of stuff. feel free to ignore this or tell me off if i said anything wrong. also sorry for the rant

Hi love!!

you don't have to apologize you're totally fine!

look between how you identify with gender and how you express it can be lots of intimate and interchangeable links but also these two are at the same time separate realms. you can identify as gender fluid, agender, nonbinary, trans, cis, etc but how you express this identity (meaning your pronouns, your name, your clothes, etc etc) is your art, is whatever you want it to be, whatever makes you feel good, validated, and whatever makes you feel at home with your skin. so if you feel like expressing your gender today in a more feminine way (how you see femininity and how you define it) then perfect, if tomorrow you feel like you wanna express it in a more masculine way (again how you see masculinity and how you define it) then its all so perfect! you can always explore your gender and redefine it the way you want.

for the second part about the ''lad'' thing, everyone has a gender expression whether you're cis or trans/ gender non-conforming, of course, there is systematic discrimination and power balance that comes with reversing gender expectations and also some personal stuff you have to deal with, there is more layers when it comes to that.

however, for example, lad culture is a way for lads to express their gender, very injected by a cultural setting, by a class, by certain things that define what is a lad and they conform to it, however, it does not erase the possibility of exploring your gender while being a lad, you know, a lad can deff wear dresses, can wear makeup, can redefine the ''laddiness'' and reshape their gender expression, regardless of how they identify their gender

and about the stereotypes, look I personally don't like the idea of pushing the argument of ''you cant assume this, this is just a stereotype'' you can say this to cishets who their judgment can be rooted in the system that benefits them but as queer people, our history is linked by the things others say its ''stereotype'', recognizing that a gay man can be effeminate and present as masculine or sometimes be okay with being feminine or whatever they want is not stereotyping is just another complex reality of a queer person.

idk if I answered your questions love, but please do come back if you have more or something wasn't clear <3

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 9: The Circle S5

I've started watching Season 5 of The Circle because I literally can't help myself. I'm partway through episode...7. I was going to wait until the whole thing was out before I did any binging, but it's probably better I didn't. If I don't take a break soon, the release schedule will force me to, and all the better for my mental health.

I genuinely like this show and also sometimes I actively want the entertainment equivalent of empty calories, but this season seems... even emptier than previous ones. There were several cast members I liked at the beginning, but I've soured on most of them at this point. Sam, Marvin, and even Chaz have all become annoying. (Chaz: tone down the enraged positivity and also, it's just a game bro. Sam: tone it down in general. Marvin: don't cheat on My Girl.) The only true good player, my #1, the QUEEN, is Raven, and if she doesn't win this, I will RIOT. She is the Marina or Éléa of the season, but unlike Éléa, she hasn't yet been accused of being fake nice, so I hope she has a genuine shot at winning.

I also don't dislike Tom but he's just not doing anything really interesting.

I did want to get rid of Brittany (overly positive people bother me and also he fell into the Catfish Trap of being soooo much more boring as a profile than as a person) and Bruno (though I didn't like HOW she was eliminated, and I wonder if she just got a bad edit, based on how hard Chaz was rooting for her), so at least so far I'm prettttty in line with what the players are actually doing. I feel like that's usually true, at least until later in the game, which might just be a testament to the editing of the show--see my point about Bruno, above.

I was really psyched to get rid of Brett and Xanthi first because I knew both of them were going to annoy the shit out of me, and so I wasn't a fan of the twist where they got to re-enter, even though in the past versions of that twist have worked pretty well imo, entertainment-wise. And actually, I was proven wrong on this because "Jennifer" is so much more than the sum of her parts. Also I ship them a little bit, in a within-the-Circle way.

I did not like letting Shubham back in, because he is too good and too pure for this show in its 5th season. He DOMINATED season 1, but season 1 was a different era: an era where they literally just set up the players and let them do what they wanted, with very little in the way of twists or producer manipulation. And what they wanted to do was make friends!! That's why S1 was both the most wholesome and the best in general. The 'game play' was not as interesting, and later seasons have fixed issues like 'if you're not in the OG 8 there's no way you can win,' but it was the most endearing, the sweetest, the most memorable. Bringing Shubby back in a situation where not only is the game play IN GENERAL rigged to make people more competitive and strategic and, frankly, meaner than in S1, but he in particular was manipulated into positions that would absolutely destroy him emotionally and they knew that. That was just cruel, man. I don't want to watch that! It's not quite as bad as Blue Michelle/Orange Michelle--gamified gaslighting--but it's still pretty bad, and it has the added twist of seeming to be a specific, purposeful trick on this one guy. Like, yeah, they couldn't know he'd lose the game or that he'd lose with only 2 players to potentially eliminate, but the very concept that the loser not only loses but has to turn on the people who were on his side is a designed-to-be-cruel trick, and that it fell on this man, who is so sincere, who completely defined S1 by his genuine good-hearted attitude, generosity, and friendliness, left such a bad taste in my mouth. Tension is all well and good but I don't want to see a person speaking near tears on television, I just do not.

...More of a rant than I was expecting to give but anyway. My bigger overall problem with this season is that it just...nothing seems to be happening? Usually there are alliances, friendships, recurring group chats, and then the inevitable alliances-at-odds. Where are my #teams? Where are my Circle BFFs? We have Chaz and Sam, Jennifer and Tom, and Marvin and Raven, but the real juicy stuff is the trios and groups--I haven't seen any of those stick. Part of it might just be these people, that they aren't really forming groups, and part of it might be editing, which conversations they choose to air and which not. But I have a theory that part of this comes from the way this season is doing eliminations. So far, 4 people have been eliminated in 3 eliminations, and only ONE of those eliminations has been done in the traditional way: the top 2 players talking to each other and eliminating one person together.

I understand mixing it up sometimes, but I still think the core, default, way of eliminating players should be the 2 influencers model. First, people have to show their hands: in how they rank, in who they save, in who they sacrifice. Second, you get to see who is strong and who is weak in 1-on-1 situations, like when Nick utterly trounced James TWICE IN A ROW (...and then lost the whole game to him, whoops). Third, the strategies at the core of ranking and influencer-decisions are what define the game: the push and pull between having allies who will save you versus targets to get rid of, getting close to popular people while also wanting to eliminate threats, wanting to be high in the rankings to save yourself but also not wanting to make enemies by taking out other players--maybe the show thinks this gets tiring but honestly it never really does? No more so than the show in general? Reality shows really DON'T need to re-invent the wheel lol. People will watch 20-30 seasons of literally the same thing over and over because the changing cast keeps it sufficiently fresh while the repetitive format is comforting and feels safe. I would watch 10 seasons of people simply making friends through a "voice activated" computer screen lol, you don't gotta be so "creative" with it, you know?

And again, I think a consequence of this is that people don't have as much incentive to form alliances in the way they did in past seasons. I haven't quite worked out HOW but I just instinctively feel that these things are linked--either in player behavior or possibly just in the edit: when the viewer doesn't need to know who's in a trio or a quad in order to follow eliminations, there's no point in even showing that.

Anyway, that's too many thoughts on that. This was a long day. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day, too. I need to take a shower and get into bed.