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babysizedfics · 4 years

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Little Accidents, Big Developments

Chapter 4: Bubbles and Babbles

[This is an age regression story]

Chapter Summary: Roman is ticklish, Logan is only here for like 4 lines of dialogue, Patton gives his baby a bath, and Virgil finally opens up about his problem.

Chapter word count: 7,700

Other chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / bonus

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

Slight warning: Bathtime obviously entails some nudity. Nothing is described graphically and it is, of course, entirely non-sexual. Also, there is some swearing in the second half of the chapter!

oOo

A few minutes passed by in comfortable quiet as Patton held his little prince. He had shuffled them both up towards the head of the bed and was now propped on several silk pillows with Roman cuddled up to his side. Warm breaths puffed against Patton’s chest as he gently twiddled a lock of Roman’s hair between his fingers. It was a far cry from their usual activities together (Roman, being so boisterous when he was little, was never willing to stay still for long). Though Patton suspected that his crying fit earlier had tuckered the poor little guy out.

‘You feeling any better, kiddo?’ Patton whispered, scratching his fingernails lightly over Roman’s scalp.

‘Apart from feeling absolutely devasted about my ruined hairdo?’ Roman replied with all of his usual impish energy.

Patton smiled. His little prince was back to his sassy self. He saw that Roman’s feet rubbed up and down on the sheets and his fingers fidgeted with Patton’s shirt; he was clearly becoming antsy. So what kind of Dad would Patton be if he didn’t up the stakes of their cuddle? ‘Oh, it’s like that is it?’

‘I do feel better though,’ Roman shrugged, completely oblivious to his impending doom. ‘Thanks, Dad.’

‘I don’t know this Dad you speak of.’ Patton hoisted Roman up by the armpits and wrapped his arms around his chest in a vice. ‘I’m the Cuddle-Monster!’

‘Dad,’ Roman whined, but there was a gigglish ring to it. He squirmed a little since Patton’s fingers were still under his arms. ‘You’re not the Cuddle-Monster!’

Patton almost squealed. This was too good an opening.

‘Aw, you’ve blown my cover, Ro,’ he sighed, glad that Roman couldn’t see his evil smile. That would ruin the surprise. ‘I’m not the Cuddle-Monster…’ He suddenly curled his fingertips further into Roman’s armpits, earning him a shriek.

‘W-wait,’ Roman gasped between muffled giggles.

‘I’m the Tickle-Monster!’ Patton announced loudly and started wiggling his fingers.

‘Dahahad,’ Roman cackled, kicking his legs weakly against the mattress. Patton knew he wasn’t fighting hard enough for it to be genuine (Roman was scarily strong when he was really trying to be) so his fingers continued their ticklish attack.

‘Your Dad can’t save you now,’ Patton giggled, delighted to hear Roman snort in laughter. ‘The Tickle-Monster is your new father!’

‘Nohohoho!’ Roman cried dramatically through his laughter, writhing in Patton’s hold.

‘Yehehehes!’ Patton countered, copying Roman’s tone teasingly.

There was a loud rapping at the door and Patton reluctantly relinquished his hold on Roman. The boy hurriedly rolled off of him and clenched his hands under his armpits to protect them as he recovered from his giggle fit.

‘Saved by the bell-y.’ Patton poked Roman’s tummy.

‘Eep!’

He chuckled at Roman’s squeak and jumped up off of the bed, moving over to the bedroom door. Once he had pulled it open, his smile faltered.

Logan stood in the hallway smiling stiffly in greeting, though the look in his eyes was tired and almost pained. He had his arm wrapped around Virgil, who looked completely miserable.

The regressor’s cheeks were tear-stained and a pacifier bobbed in his mouth frantically. He looked up at Patton for a brief second before his eyes fell on something behind him. Virgil whimpered and quickly ducked behind Logan, hiding his face against his arm. Patton twisted to see Roman sitting cross-legged on his bed, looking at them and biting his lip nervously.

‘I’m going to take care of Virgil now, little prince,’ Patton whispered back to him and got a watery smile in return. As much as he felt he should stay with Roman, Virgil clearly needed him at that moment. ‘I love you lots,’ he reminded him.

‘Love you too, Dad,’ Roman said quietly, absently stroking his silk bedsheet.

Patton stepped out of the room and gently closed the door behind him.

‘Hey, baby,’ he whispered to the fluff of hair poking out from behind Logan, ‘do you want a hug from Papa?’

Virgil instantly rushed forward and clutched onto Patton as if his life depended on it. He started sniffling into Patton’s shirt within seconds.

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Patton held his baby close and stroked his hair, swaying him gently from side to side.

‘He is understandably shaken up,’ Logan murmured, gently tossing something back and forth between his hands. Patton realised it was Roman’s teddy bear from earlier. ‘I managed to get his breathing under control and give him some water. Usually, I would recommend he lie down and nap after an attack, though there is the other issue…’ Logan’s eyes quickly darted down to Virgil’s pants, then back to Patton pointedly.

‘Got it,’ Patton whispered, then looked back down to Virgil, even if all he could see was a mess of purple hair. ‘Does my baby want a nice, warm bubble bath?’ he cooed, though there was no response. He looked up to Logan worriedly but was only met with a solemn nod. Logan seemed to be unsurprised by Virgil’s despondency.

Patton sighed and stroked his hand through Virgil’s hair once. ‘Let’s get you ready for bathtime, Stormcloud.’

The arms around his torso hugged tighter, but at least there was no protest. Still, Virgil’s lack of responses, positive or otherwise, was a little disconcerting. It was true that he was usually a quiet baby, but Patton had never seen him so defeated. Hopefully, some bubbles and splashes would cheer him up.

‘Should I, um?’ Logan pointed to Roman’s door.

Patton nodded. ‘Yeah, but maybe don’t talk about what happened,’ he added carefully. ‘I already had a word with him about it.’ Logan’s eyebrows raised in interest but Patton shook his head lightly. ‘I’ll tell you later. Just keep our little prince smiling.’

‘Duly noted.’

Patton turned his attention back to the trembling boy in his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Virgil’s head and murmured, ‘Time to go, sweetie.’

He then gently encouraged Virgil to let go of him, keeping his arm wrapped around his shoulders. Patton didn't dare to leave him without physical contact for a single second.

As Patton began leading them down the hallway he heard Logan open Roman’s door.

‘Are you mad at me?’ Roman immediately asked.

Patton stopped in his tracks, turning back to see what would happen. It was worrying to hear Roman so uncharacteristically nervous.

‘Yes. You have committed a heinous crime…’ Logan held Aladdin the teddy bear up in the open doorway, staring deadpan at Roman. ‘How dare you abandon your husband on your wedding night?’

Patton huffed in half-relief, half-amusement as he heard Roman break down into giggles. Logan walked into the room and pushed the door shut, throwing a quick wink to Patton before it had closed completely.

‘Papa?’ Virgil squeaked and tugged on his sleeve. Patton quickly looked down at him, feeling his heart drop when he saw the distress in Virgil’s glossy eyes. ‘Wep,’ he whimpered quietly through his pacifier.

‘I know you’re wet, baby, it’s okay.’ Patton slowly raised a hand to Virgil’s cheek and smoothed his thumb over a dried tear-track. Despite the misery in Virgil’s voice, Patton was at least glad he was responsive now. ‘We’re gonna get you cleaned up, don’t worry.’

He started moving them towards the bathroom again, feeling guilty for stopping. His baby couldn’t have been very comfortable in wet jeans.

As soon as they were in the bathroom, he sat Virgil down on the closed toilet seat, rubbing his shoulder soothingly when he winced in what must have been discomfort.

‘Good boy. Papa’s only walking away for a few seconds, then I’m gonna come right back, okay?’

Patton quickly walked over to the bath, not waiting for a response. He was well-rehearsed in this routine and, as expected, Virgil started whimpering the moment Patton had stepped away from him.

'Papa's still here, sweetheart.' Patton spun the valves on the bath with practised ease then turned to search through the cabinet. The whimpers had died down, though he could see Virgil's worried eyes watching him carefully as he rifled through the various toiletry bottles.

‘What a brave baby,’ Patton praised as he selected the lavender bubble bath and poured a healthy amount into the steadily filling tub. As soon as he had put the bottle on the side of the bath he hurried back to Virgil and leaned down to kiss his head.

Virgil’s separation anxiety was not usually so intense that he couldn’t bear Patton walking away for a mere moment, though Patton had realised over the past two weeks that having an accident always made Virgil incredibly sensitive to being left alone. The poor baby seemed terrified of having to deal with his accidents all by himself.

‘We're gonna have so much fun,’ Patton said cheerily, trying to lift the mood in the room to make the next task easier.

The most difficult part of bathtime was getting Virgil undressed since the anxious side had a difficult time letting go of his self-consciousness. Though through messing around on one occasion last week, Patton had discovered an effective way of distracting Virgil from his anxieties, at least for the most part.

‘Okey dokey. Are we ready for the Hokey Cokey?’

Virgil nodded shyly - a watered-down version of his usual enthusiasm. Patton mentally prepared himself for a fussy baby but joyfully launched into song.

‘Ohh, you put your left arm in,’ Patton sang, lifting Virgil’s left arm. ‘Your left arm out.’ He pulled at Virgil’s sleeve until it slid off his arm. ‘In, out, in, out, you shake it all about!’ Patton linked their fingers and shook Virgil’s arm exaggeratedly. The sparkle in Virgil’s eyes told Patton that there was an adorable little smile hiding behind his pacifier.

Patton grinned. ‘You do the hokey cokey, and you turn around.’ He dropped Virgil’s hand and spun in a circle, swaying his hips in what Roman commonly referred to as “cringe-inducing dad dancing”. ‘That what it’s all about!’ Patton finished the verse with a small kiss to Virgil’s now-bare shoulder. Light giggles filled the room alongside the sound of gushing water.

‘What a cute little giggle,’ Patton cooed, before launching into the next verse, this time with the right arm. ‘Ohh, you put your right arm in…’

By the end of the verse, Virgil’s shirt was off and crumpled on the floor. He barely seemed to notice though, being so captivated by Patton’s silly performance.

‘Whoa, a hokey cokey,’ Patton sang with a bright smile, slowly pulling Virgil up to stand. ‘Whoaa, a hokey cokey.’ He tickled very lightly at Virgil’s neck and the boy giggled and scrunched his chin up. ‘Whoaaa, a hokey cokey!’ He poked Virgil’s belly button, which was met with a little squeal followed by muffled laughter.

‘Knees bent,’ Patton kneeled down in front of Virgil, making sure to keep eye contact with him as he kept singing and smiling. ‘Arms stretched!’ Virgil giggled, stretching his arms out to his side. Meanwhile, Patton very gently unfastened his jeans. ‘A rah, rah, rah,’ Patton sang and wriggled the wet pants down Virgil’s hips in time with the song.

Virgil’s smile dropped and he curled his arms back into himself. One hand went up to grasp onto the handle of his pacifier, tugging at it nervously as Patton pulled Virgil’s pants down to his thighs.

‘Well done, baby!’ Patton smiled, knowing not to draw attention to Virgil’s nervousness. ‘Ready for the next part?’

There was a brief moment of hesitation, then Virgil nodded jerkily, his eyes wary.

Patton reached out to hold Virgil’s free hand. It was mostly to help him keep balance, though he knew it offered the boy some emotional comfort too as he immediately squeezed Patton’s fingers.

‘Ohh, you put your left leg up.’ With help from Patton to keep him from falling over, Virgil lifted one leg while Patton peeled the wet jeans down it, ‘your left leg out.’ He squeezed Virgil’s hand in reassurance and beamed up at him. ‘In, out, in, out, you shake it all about!’ He wriggled the jeans and managed to tug them off of Virgil’s foot with some effort, allowing the regressor to stand on both feet again. ‘You do the hokey cokey and you turn around.’ Patton let go of Virgil’s hand and spun precariously on one foot, still crouching. Virgil giggled quietly. ‘That’s what it’s all about!’

He repeated the verse and dance moves again with the right leg, leaving the jeans in a wet pile on the floor with Virgil’s shirt. Patton stood up with a proud smile. ‘Aren’t you such a sweet baby today?’

He wasn’t exaggerating; given how emotional Virgil had been before, Patton was impressed they were down to his underwear and Virgil hadn’t shed a single tear about being undressed. It seemed the fact that they had done this ritual a few times now had made the boy much more comfortable with the task.

That, of course, didn’t mean Virgil wasn’t nervous at all. He was pulling at the pacifier handle so harshly that the plastic was creaking in complaint. Colour was high in his cheeks and Patton decided to move on quickly, knowing his baby must have been embarrassed standing in only his wet underwear.

He hummed the final chorus of the song as he turned off the faucets, the tub now being full of perfectly warm water and large peaks of fluffy bubbles.

‘And that’s what it’s all about!’ he finished dramatically, complete with a pirouette and jazz hands.

Virgil didn’t giggle this time being apparently too nervous, though his dimples were peeking out from behind the pacifier. Patton took his hands gently and guided him over to the edge of the tub. The regressor stiffened, obviously knowing what they had to do next.

‘It’s all right, Vee,’ Patton whispered. ‘Papa’s just taking care of you, isn’t he?’ It was met with a tiny nod then Virgil squinted his eyes shut in anticipation. Patton slowly released his hands and curled his thumbs under the waistband of his underwear. ‘We’re going to be super-duper quick, ready?’

Another small nod and Patton swiftly pulled down Virgil’s underwear. ‘Good boy,’ he soothed when he heard Virgil whimper. ‘Okay, big steps now, sweetums.’ He took Virgil’s hands again and helped him to step out of the sodden underwear on the floor and into the bath. Being very careful of how clumsy Virgil could be in his headspace, Patton gently lowered him into the bubbles, the water sloshing against the sides of the tub lazily as it accommodated him.

‘All done!’ Patton cheered and kneeled down beside the tub.

Virgil finally opened his eyes, looking up at Patton shyly.

‘Now we get to play!’ Patton cried excitedly. He picked up a handful of bubbles and blew into them so that they scattered and became foam confetti. Virgil was evidently still anxious from the experience, staying quiet and only blinking curiously at the bubbles.

When that didn’t manage to cheer him up, Patton knew it was time for Plan B. He scooped up some more bubbles and put them on his own chin to make himself a beard. ‘Ho, ho, ho!’ he chuckled, jolly and deep.

Virgil’s eyes sparkled a little as he started to smile. He tentatively poked a mound of bubbles in front of him.

‘Do you know who I am, sweetheart?’ Patton prompted, glad that the anxious tension had dissipated.

‘Obim?’ Virgil asked. He was lightly batting at the bubbles now, successfully distracted from his nervousness.

‘Did you say Odin?’ Patton did his best to contain his giggle, not wanting Virgil to think he was laughing at him.

Virgil nodded hesitantly, suckling his paci faster.

‘Aw, you’re such a clever baby,’ Patton praised. There was no way he was going to tell Virgil he was wrong. ‘You’re right, I’m Odin. And who does that make you?’

Virgil gasped quietly and his eyes lit up. ‘Woki!’

‘You wanna be Loki?’ Patton wiped his bubble beard off on his t-shirt. There was never a bathtime when his clothes didn’t get soaked, anyway. ‘What about Thor?’

‘Wo-Wo,’ Virgil babbled, his tone indicating that he thought it was obvious.

‘Ohh, of course,’ Patton nodded, reaching over to grab a washcloth from the towel rail. ‘Ro-Ro can be Thor. Maybe we can do that next time we play pretend!’ He dipped the washcloth in the water then poured some extra soap onto it. ‘Okay, baby, I’m gonna start on your back.’

He shuffled over on the floor so that he was knelt behind Virgil and started washing his back. The tension gradually left Virgil’s body, his shoulders dropping more and more with each circle of the washcloth. Patton smiled softly.

By the time he had finished soaping up his back, Virgil was completely relaxed and he patted his hands against the water playfully. Every time the water sloshed or splashed he hummed and squealed in delight.

‘Is that a happy stim, Vee?’ Patton asked.

Virgil nodded fervently and started splashing the water again with more energy as if Patton’s acknowledgement had given him permission.

As Patton finished rinsing his back, Virgil slapped his hands against the bubbles a bit too hard and clumps of foam flew everywhere.

‘Whoopsy daisy,’ Patton sing-songed, not surprised as it had happened almost every bathtime previously.

Virgil shyly looked back at him with pieces of foam dotted around his face.

‘What a bubbly baby!’ Patton giggled. He picked up a small clump of bubbles from Virgil’s bangs then tapped them onto Virgil’s nose. ‘Boop.’

Virgil’s smile stretched past his paci and he giggled. The bubbles slowly trickled down to his lip. His smile suddenly dropped and he blinked slowly, scrunching up his nose.

Patton frowned a little in confusion, though still wore a bright grin. He looked so cute! ‘Are you okay, honey?’

Virgil’s reply was a little sneeze.

‘Aww!’ Patton cooed. It was a running joke in the house that Virgil sneezed like a kitten. His pacifier only made it all the more adorable. ‘Did the bubbles tickle your little nose?’

Virgil frowned and wiped his hand on his face to try to get the bubbles off - only to accidentally smear a big handful of them right over his pacifier and nose.

‘Ohoho, sweetheart,’ Patton chuckled, needing to lean on the bath as he doubled over with laughter. He found it hard to believe he had ever had so much fun before becoming a caregiver to the two most adorable boys in the world.

There was a desperate whine and Patton looked through tears of mirth to see Virgil looking at him pleadingly, the lower half of his face still caked in white foam.

‘Papa’s got it, don’t worry.’ Patton reached forward to wipe the bubbles away easily. ‘There we go. Now I can see your pretty face!’

He delighted at seeing Virgil’s cheeks flush. It was nearly impossible to get a non-regressed Virgil to accept a compliment, though he was much more susceptible to praise when he was little. Patton made a point to do it as much as he could while Virgil was regressed, wanting his little Stormcloud to understand just how amazing he was.

‘All done on this side,’ Patton said, swiping the washcloth over Virgil's back one last time. He shuffled over to reach Virgil’s front and got a better view of just how bright his little baby looked. His cheeks were rosy, his dimples were popping, and his eyes were wide in childlike wonder as he pawed at the bubbles again. Bathtime had apparently become an enjoyable little activity for him and Patton was ecstatic.

When he had first become Virgil’s caregiver, Patton had been so eager to get started that he had daydreamed about various adorable scenarios of looking after his baby. A notable fantasy had been one where he washed his baby lovingly while Virgil splashed around in too many bubbles. He couldn’t help it! Baby bathtimes were a mix of intimate caring, affection, and playfulness; the activity was a pinnacle of parenting. Though, at the time, he had never actually dared to imagine Virgil would be comfortable enough to share this experience together. But here Patton was, rubbing a washcloth over Virgil’s chest lovingly as his baby played with the bubbles. He really felt like the luckiest caregiver ever.

Patton was starting to get choked up, and he paused in the bathing to lean forward and press a firm kiss to Virgil’s cheek. The boy squeaked in surprise. When Patton pulled away he saw that Virgil’s smile was the biggest it had ever been. Patton’s heart swelled. ‘I love you, precious boy.’

‘Wuv Papa,’ Virgil babbled happily. Then he stretched out his arms toward Patton and proudly held up two handfuls of bubbles piled high.

‘Ooh, what are you gonna do with all those bubbles?’ Patton asked, taking the opportunity to wash under Virgil’s arms.

Virgil held the bubbles in front of his mouth and his cheeks puffed up as he tried to blow them - to no avail. Having a pacifier in his mouth obviously blocked the airflow and the bubbles did not budge. Patton saw the exact moment the disappointment filled Virgil’s eyes, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He looked up at Patton and whined.

‘Uh oh, did it not work?’ Patton feigned his own confusion. It was both fascinating and adorable how Virgil truly had the mindset of a baby, not understanding something so simple. ‘Let’s try again, honey. Three, two, one, blow!’

He ducked behind Virgil’s line of sight and blew silently at the exact same time. The bubbles scattered into the air and Patton gasped dramatically. ‘You did it!’ he cheered, looking at Virgil with a big smile.

In any other circumstance, he would have felt guilty for tricking Virgil. But the giggles that rang around the room and the way Virgil practically vibrated with excitement meant Patton would happily do it a hundred times over.

‘Now it’s tummy time,’ Patton announced happily. This was a tricky task too, though not in a bad way at all. Just in a squirmy way.

‘Here I come…’ he warned as he trailed the washcloth down Virgil’s ribs. The boy squealed and jerked, making the bathwater slosh dangerously close to the edge of the tub. Patton chuckled, ‘I have a feeling I’m gonna get very wet in a second.’

With a deep breath, he moved his hand down and swirled the cloth around Virgil’s belly. The regressor immediately started giggling and wiggling uncontrollably. Water lapped onto the floor and soaked Patton’s shirt and khakis. He couldn’t help but break down into laughter himself.

‘Is my baby ticklish?’ he teased, wriggling his fingers and beaming at the high-pitched squeaks that it caused. Patton would have loved to coax more adorable laughter from Virgil, but the boy was far more ticklish than Roman and couldn’t handle as much of the Tickle-Monster as his brother could. Patton lifted the washcloth away with one final poke, ‘Okay, sweetie. Your ticklish tummy is safe for now.’

He surveyed the mess on the floor. There was a large, bubbly puddle surrounding his knees. Seeing his own reflection looking back at him with a smile, Patton made a note to invest in an absorbent bath mat soon. (And maybe even some bath toys for his baby!) He grabbed a towel from the rail and stood up to lay it down, kneeling back on it once it had soaked up most of the spillage.

Virgil had calmed down from the tickling and was now holding a clump of foam up to the light, mesmerized. The light refracted through the bubbles, sparkling with all of the colours of the rainbow.

‘Can you see lots of colours, Vee?’ Patton asked, and knew this would be the perfect distraction for the final task.

‘Waybow,’ Virgil whispered.

‘That’s right,’ Patton said, squeezing more soap onto the cloth and lowering it to Virgil’s thigh. ‘Can you tell me some of the colours, little one?’

‘Lellow,’ Virgil immediately said, smiling up at Patton.

‘How pretty!’ Patton started scrubbing Virgil’s thighs, using his free hand to rest on his baby’s head protectively. ‘Any more?’

‘Burble!’

‘And purple too?’ Patton embellished his tone with excitement as he trailed the cloth further up Virgil’s thighs. ‘Can you see any others?’

Virgil had obviously sensed where the washcloth was going and hunched into himself a little. ‘Web?’ he whispered shakily.

‘Mhm, red. And whose favourite colour is that?’ Patton asked.

‘Wo-Wo,’ Virgil mumbled, tensing up suddenly as the washcloth brushed his hip.

‘It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,’ Patton whispered and stroked his hair soothingly. It was the only acknowledgement he would give to what was happening. He had quickly learned that if he didn’t make a big deal out of something, Virgil was less likely to. ‘Now can you try really hard to find your mama’s favourite colour?’

Virgil’s attention was redirected as he squinted at the bubbles and Patton swiftly moved the washcloth up to clean around his crotch. It was over within seconds and he was pulling his hand away by the time Virgil had realised what had happened. The regressor whimpered and pulled his knees up to his chest.

‘All done,’ Patton soothed and leaned over the tub to kiss his head. ‘It’s okay, baby. You were such a good boy.’

A quiet whine told him Virgil wasn’t quite over the distress of having Patton wash him in such an intimate place, but at least he wasn’t crying like he had been the first few times they had done this. Well - Patton noted the wetness in Virgil’s eyes - at least not fully.

‘Could you find Mama’s colour?’

Virgil sniffled and shook his head.

‘That’s all right.’ Patton threw the washcloth onto the pile of wet clothes on the floor. ‘Do you want to play some more in the water?’

Virgil stared blankly up at him and said nothing.

Patton decided to make the question clearer for him and held up both hands in front of Virgil. ‘Do you want more bathtime,’ he waved his left hand, ‘or do you want naptime?’ he waved his right hand.

After a few seconds of his gaze flitting between each option, Virgil pointed at his right hand.

‘I think that’s a very good idea,’ Patton smiled and stood. Knowing how exhausted Virgil always was after a panic attack, it would not be long before he was too tired to sit upright. Patton picked up the wet clothes and towel and shoved them in the laundry basket then selected the biggest, fluffiest towel from the rail.

He turned back to the tub and smiled. Virgil had dropped his head to his knees and was blinking slowly. ‘It’s not naptime just yet, honey,’ Patton said quietly and reached out to Virgil’s hands to pull him up.

Virgil’s sudden exhaustion made him pliable, and there was little protest as Patton stood him up and wrapped the towel snuggly around his shoulders. It was large enough that it trailed down to his knees. No matter how often Patton saw his baby wrapped up in a fluffy towel with damp hair and sleepy eyes, the image was just as overwhelmingly precious every time.

‘Big step, baby.’ Patton carefully guided him to step over the bath edge and onto the floor. Virgil was wobbly on his feet so Patton kept his arm wrapped tightly around him as he unplugged the bath, then walked them out into the hallway.

By the time they had reached Virgil’s room, the boy’s head was leant heavily on Patton’s side as they shuffled through the door and over to the bed. ‘Okay, sweetheart, sit here while I get you some PJs.’

Within minutes Patton was lying on the bed with Virgil tucked up against him in his skeleton onesie. He wasn’t tired himself but he always stayed by Virgil’s side during naptime in case he woke up still regressed and panicked about being alone. That and he couldn’t get enough of his baby’s cute little squeaks and snuffles as he drifted off to sleep.

Virgil’s head was on his chest, and Patton’s fingers were combing through his hair slowly. He watched with adoration as Virgil’s body gradually melted into him minute-by-minute. The only sounds were both of their deep breathing and the gentle suckling of Virgil’s pacifier.

Then there was a babbled whine that was barely more than a whisper.

‘Did you try to say something, angel?’ Patton whispered, not wanting to interrupt the quiet.

‘No leab,’ came the tiny squeak. Fingers curled into Patton’s shirt.

A soft smile worked its way onto Patton’s lips and he massaged his fingers over Virgil’s scalp soothingly. ‘I’m not leaving, baby. Promise.’

Virgil was asleep within seconds.

oOo

Virgil slowly became aware of the world. His eyes were still closed, but he knew he was lying down on his warm mattress. He breathed in deep through his nose and moved his tongue experimentally over the pacifier in his mouth, frowning. It was kind of nice but mostly it just felt wrong. He blew out harshly through his mouth, causing the pacifier to shoot out.

‘Ouch!’

Virgil’s eye flew open.

He had failed to realise that the “mattress” he was lying on was, in fact, Patton’s chest. His pacifier had just shot at high-speed right into Patton’s hand.

‘Oh shit, sorry,’ Virgil quickly apologised.

It was met with a chuckle that shook Virgil’s body. ‘Well, I guess you’re not a baby anymore.’

Virgil blushed and pushed himself off of Patton, sending a little guilty smile to him. ‘Guess not.’

Patton’s responding smile was soft and adoring and Virgil had to look down to avoid melting into him again. He scooted up to lean against the head of his bed by Patton’s shoulder. ‘How long was I asleep?’

‘Less than an hour, I think,’ Patton said and hoisted himself up to lean against the headboard beside him. ‘Do you remember anything that happened?’

Virgil’s stomach twisted at the memory of Roman’s laughing face and he pulled his onesie sleeves down over his hands. How could he forget? He nodded once, not trusting himself to speak with a steady voice.

‘Do you think you could tell me exactly what you remember?’ Patton asked tentatively.

Virgil snapped his gaze onto him, chagrinned.

‘Kiddo, I’m not trying to embarrass you.’ Patton held his hands up in surrender. ‘It’s just that when you come out of your regression you don’t tend to remember all of it.’

Admittedly, Patton was right. Virgil sighed and dropped his head back against the headboard in exasperation. He hoped it hid how his cheeks were warming. ‘I, y’know, had a - an accident,’ Virgil forced the word through gritted teeth. ‘Then Ro was a jerk.’

‘Uh - okay,’ Patton sighed, clearly giving up on a reprimand. ‘Anything else?’

Virgil bit his lip and rolled his head on the headboard to glance at Patton for any hints. His shirt was visibly damp.

‘Oh, yeah,’ Virgil blinked. ‘Bathtime.’

‘Bathtime,’ Patton nodded and smiled down at him. Virgil’s chest was warm with the fond memory and he felt his lips pull into a small smile.

Bathtime had become one of his favourite things to do with Patton, even if it usually followed his least favourite part of his regression. It was always full of laughter and feeling loved and Patton singing to him and it was always just them. Plus, his papa never left him alone at bathtime.

When they had first introduced it to their dynamic that one night, Virgil had felt humiliated after coming out of his headspace (the fact that he had let Patton undress him was enough to make him splutter as an adult) but he had gotten used to it over the past couple of weeks. Now the feelings of comfort overcame any residual embarrassment.

‘Do you remember the panic attack?’ Patton asked quietly.

A cold, empty feeling washed over his whole body and Virgil curled his nails into his palms harshly. He had had a panic attack. Logan had helped him breathe, Patton had hugged him in the hallway, and Roman… had apologised. A lot. And cried.

With a gulp, Virgil realised maybe Roman hadn’t been as cruel as he first remembered.

‘Sorry,’ Virgil whispered. He felt awful for being such a burden on all of his family members.

‘Don’t be sorry, kiddo.’ Patton’s hand rested on his shoulder. ‘I know having panic attacks can’t be very fun for you.’

Virgil shook his head and then promptly dropped it to Patton’s shoulder without a word. He stubbornly refused to acknowledge his need for physical contact when he was an adult, but it was so addictive having the need pandered to so much when he was regressed that he couldn’t stop himself from seeking it out. Thankfully, Patton never said a word about it.

‘You’ve been having quite a few of them recently,’ Patton said carefully.

It was too obvious from Patton’s tone that he meant to keep talking about it and Virgil felt his shoulders tense up to the point of aching. He started scratching at his thigh through his onesie. They both knew why he was having more panic attacks recently; they always followed an accident.

Virgil stayed silent in the desperate hope that Patton would see that he was uncomfortable and drop it.

‘Oh, hey, could you maybe pass me one of your stuffies?’ Patton asked nonchalantly.

Virgil frowned and raised his head from Patton’s shoulder to send him a questioning look.

Patton’s face was far too innocent. ‘I just want something to do with my hands.’

Though sceptical, Virgil nodded and reached to the corner of the bed where he kept his soft toys. He grabbed the first one he felt and shoved it into Patton’s lap. A jolt of childish excitement coursed through him when he saw that it was Meeko, his raccoon plush. Not enough to trigger his regression, but enough to calm his nerves slightly.

‘Thank you,’ Patton said, though he didn’t move to pick it up.

Meanwhile, Virgil’s hand had not retreated from the toy in Patton’s lap and he ran his fingers absently over the fur, the scratching at his jeans long-forgotten.

‘So,’ Virgil started awkwardly. He didn’t think distraction would work this time around, but it was at least worth a shot. ‘Do you wanna go finish the movie or?’

Patton sighed and Virgil closed his eyes, knowing what was coming.

‘Honey, we need to talk about what’s been happening.’

Virgil huffed and turned his head away from Patton. He knew his avoidance of the matter over the past two weeks had to come to an end eventually, but he wasn’t ready for it yet. Though, would he ever really be ready to talk about his deepest insecurity?

‘I know you’re embarrassed,’ Patton said quietly, sympathetic, ‘but it’s affecting your anxiety. I don’t think we can afford to ignore it anymore.’

Virgil knew that. Of course he knew it, at least on some level. But it was so humiliating.

‘I don’t wanna have a big conversation about it,’ he grumbled, staring adamantly at the wall.

‘Okay, well then let’s not make it big.’ Patton’s tone was nothing but accommodating and understanding. ‘How about I just ask you some simple questions? You can even answer with just one word if you want to.’

Virgil’s dramatic sigh of defeat could have rivalled Roman’s. It was practically impossible to keep up his petulance in the face of such undying support.

Looking down at the plush in Patton’s lap, Virgil wrapped Meeko’s tail around his fingers. Well, it was as good a time as any. He nodded stiffly.

‘Great, thank you, Vee,’ Patton said sincerely. He took a deep breath. ‘Was it your first accident when I found you in the hallway two weeks ago?’

Virgil clenched his jaw. God, they were really having this discussion. ‘No,’ he mumbled.

A noise of surprise met his ears and Virgil quickly shoved the hood of his onesie up. It didn’t do much to hide his blush but it at least felt comforting.

‘I’ve been your papa for three months,’ Patton said, confused, ‘how did you hide this from me?’

The fact that Patton was keeping track of how long he’d been Virgil’s caregiver was heartening, and it made Virgil breathe a bit easier.

‘I guess I’ve had a lot of practice.’ He pulled Meeko from Patton’s lap and held the toy to his own chest. It was obvious Patton hadn’t wanted it for himself, anyway.

‘Has this always been a problem?’

‘Yeah,’ Virgil sighed. He tugged on Meeko’s ears, still facing away from Patton. ‘B-but only when I’m regressed,’ he hastily added.

‘All right.’ Patton’s voice was gentle and kind. It soothed the fast pace of Virgil’s heart. ‘Do you know why it happens?’

The reasons were seared into his mind. Virgil had figured it out years ago, but it never got easier to accept them. They were stupid reasons. Reasons he couldn’t get his regressed self to shake no matter how much logic he applied to them in his adult mindset.

Virgil shrugged.

‘Virgil,’ Patton warned. It was quiet and soft and not harsh whatsoever. Still, it never failed to break Virgil’s resolve. ‘No matter what you say, I won’t be judgemental or upset. I just want to understand, sweetie.’

It was the nickname that did it. Virgil groaned under his breath and pulled Meeko up to stroke the softness against his cheek in comfort. There was no use in delaying it. He just wanted this talk to be over with as soon as possible.

‘I’m not very aware in my body when I’m… like that. I can’t feel it building up until it’s too late. And I couldn’t make myself go even if I could feel it because little me is scared of the stupid bathroom.’ He finished in a grumble, hating every word he had just said. Why was he so pathetic?

Patton’s hand rested gently on his own and he realised he had been clawing at his onesie leg. He looked down and saw that he had abandoned Meeko on the bed, only for Patton to then pick the toy up and press it back into Virgil’s hand.

Virgil hesitantly peeked up at Patton through his bangs, forcing a tiny smile of thanks.

Patton smiled sadly and brought his hand up to Virgil’s cheek. ‘What is it that’s so scary about the bathroom?’

Wasn’t that a great question? As an adult, Virgil thought it was an utterly ridiculous fear. But apparently the regressed version of him hadn’t gotten the memo.

‘It’s stupid,’ Virgil mumbled.

‘Not if it upsets you,’ Patton added without hesitation. He was too supportive.

Virgil ran his fingers against Meeko’s fur. ‘I - I’m scared I’ll get trapped in there alone.’

‘That’s not silly at all.’ Patton laid his hand on Virgil’s back and massaged gently.

‘And I’m scared you’ll disappear when I’m in there,’ Virgil rushed to say under his breath.

‘But I would never -’

‘I know!’ Virgil snapped and clutched his toy tightly. ‘I know you don’t ever abandon me, I know it’s physically impossible for you to vanish, and I know it’s stupid. But,’ he shrugged exaggeratedly, ‘apparently, dumb baby Virgil is still terrified.’

The hand on Virgil’s back circled at a steady pace and his breath rushed out of him shakily. He slunk down on his mattress and laid his head on Patton’s arm, his whole body feeling like lead. It turned out having a panic attack and discussing your biggest secret on the same day was pretty exhausting.

‘You can’t be so harsh on yourself, Vee,’ Patton whispered, wrapping his arm around Virgil’s shoulders. ‘When you’re little you have separation anxiety. And Logan said you don’t really understand object permanence, either. So of course you’re gonna be scared when you can’t see your Papa or Mama.’

Virgil pouted and pulled Meeko up to his chin. That made a bit of sense, he supposed.

‘Can’t I come in with you?’ Patton asked. ‘Now that you’ve gotten used to bathtime, maybe it won’t be so bad.’

‘It’s not that.’ Virgil shook his head against Patton’s arm. ‘It’s shy bladder syndrome,’ he mumbled, praying to God that Patton knew what that was and he wouldn’t have to stumble through a definition.

Patton made a small, ambiguous hum then went quiet.

A couple of minutes went by and the only indication that Patton hadn’t fallen asleep was his hand rubbing up and down Virgil’s arm. Virgil thought Patton had finally had his fill of this conversation and breathed a quiet sigh of relief, letting himself relax into Patton’s side.

‘And what about the bedwetting?’ Patton suddenly asked.

Virgil’s cheeks instantly flooded with heat and he pulled himself off of Patton with Meeko still nuzzled under his chin. ‘What about it?’ he hissed in exasperation. He’d had enough humiliation for one day (and for his whole life, really).

Patton either didn’t notice Virgil’s annoyance or chose not to react to it. ‘I’m pretty sure it only happens if you’re regressed before bed, right?’

Virgil really wished Patton hadn’t phrased that as a question. He dropped his hands to his lap so that he could observe Meeko as if the stuffed raccoon was the most interesting thing in the world. Sometimes he hated the fact that he hated lying. Silence didn’t exactly work in his favour when avoiding difficult questions.

Patton’s hand rested tentatively on Virgil’s head. His hood was gently pulled down and Virgil angled his face away from Patton. He needed to maintain some form of dignity in this, even if it was only small.

‘This isn’t just a regression problem is it?’ Patton asked knowingly. It was quiet. Sorrowful. Pitying.

Virgil gritted his teeth, his eyes burning as he stared at the wall.

Patton sighed. ‘Kiddo, you’ve got to talk to me.’

Meeko was stretched tightly as Virgil tugged on his tail without remorse.

‘Do you wet the bed often?’ Patton asked more clearly.

Something hot and dense filled Virgil’s throat.

‘Baby, please -’

‘Yes,’ Virgil growled, pained. He shut his eyes tightly, hating how such a simple nickname from Patton’s mouth had immediately sent tears to his eyes.

‘Okay, that’s okay,’ Patton said delicately.

‘It’s not, though,’ Virgil whispered, then clicked his mouth shut at how broken it sounded. He pulled Meeko harder. Why didn’t Patton understand? It wasn’t okay. It was scary and embarrassing!

‘It is okay,’ Patton insisted. ‘How long has it been a problem?’

‘Years,’ Virgil mumbled miserably.

‘Virgil…’ There was the pity again. ‘Why didn’t you tell one of us?’

Virgil’s eyes flew wide and snapped onto Patton in disbelief. The older side seemed taken aback by the sudden heat directed at him.

‘Why do you think?!’ Virgil yelled hysterically, yanking Meeko’s tail harshly.

He heard a rip.

Virgil’s heart stopped as he looked down to see Meeko’s tail hanging limply in one of his hands, completely torn from the rest of the toy.

The tears that had been steadily welling in his eyes finally spilled over and dripped down to the white cotton stuffing in his lap.

‘Oh, honey,’ Patton cooed sadly and wrapped his arms around him.

Virgil sniffled and threw the ruined toy to the end of his bed. ‘It’s fine.’ His voice was shaky and high-pitched.

‘It’s okay if it’s not fine,’ Patton whispered.

‘W-whatever,’ Virgil choked, then broke down into tears a second later.

‘We can fix him,’ Patton reassured, stroking his hair. ‘Everything’s okay, my little Stormcloud.’

Virgil collapsed against him in defeat. He was too exhausted to be angry.

‘I’m sorry for pushing you.’ Patton kissed his head. ‘We don’t need to talk about it anymore.’

A strangled whimper escaped Virgil and he quickly hid his face against Patton’s chest and clung onto him. He had gotten used to crying a lot recently due to his littlespace, but at that moment he could tell he was not regressed. He decided it hurt so much more to cry when he was big. It felt like years’ worth of embarrassment and loneliness and frustration and fear were all suddenly crashing down on him.

After a few minutes of being held by Patton, Virgil’s tears had subsided. His head felt a lot clearer after getting it out of his system.

‘Are you tired of dealing with such a crybaby yet?’ Virgil mumbled into Patton’s shirt, which was now wet from his tears.

Patton’s fingers carded through his hair gently. ‘I’m never going to be tired of being here for you, Virgil.’

Virgil’s lips pulled into a small smile, but it didn’t quite feel genuine.

‘Can I tell Logan everything you’ve told me?’ Patton asked.

‘Ha,’ Virgil laughed humourlessly, some unpleasant emotion swirling in his chest. ‘Sure. While you’re at it, how about you go and tell Janus and Remus too?’ His voice shook. Whether it was from anger, fear, or his tears, he wasn’t sure. ‘I’m sure they’d love to hear all about it.’

‘You know I would never do that.’ Patton sounded hurt and guilt flooded Virgil. ‘I’m not doing any of this to upset you.’

‘I - I know,’ Virgil whispered and pulled his head up from Patton’s chest to look at him apologetically. ‘Sorry.’

Patton shook his head lightly and cupped Virgil’s cheek. ‘You’ve been dealing with this on your own for too long. Mama - Logan and I want to help you.’

‘You do?’ Virgil asked meekly.

‘Of course,’ Patton nodded. ‘We don’t like seeing you so upset whenever you have an accident. We want to do something about it.’

Virgil’s heart leapt in excitement and he pushed himself to sit upright. ‘You can stop it from happening?’ he asked.

The glimmer of hope in his chest was quickly snuffed out by the way Patton’s eyes darted to the side to avoid his pleading gaze. His mouth opened and closed silently for a few seconds.

‘Well,’ Patton finally croaked then cleared his throat. ‘Let’s just - lemme speak to Logan then we’ll see.’

Virgil’s body slumped a little. He knew that tone. That was the same tone Patton used when he told Roman “maybe” instead of “no” to spare his feelings.

‘So will you let me speak to him?’ Patton asked again, looking at him expectantly.

Virgil bit his lip. What else did he have to lose? ‘Yeah, okay,’ he whispered.

The relieved smile on Patton’s face almost made it worth it.

Patton opened his arms wide. ‘Can I have a hug now?’

He hadn’t even finished his sentence before Virgil crashed into him.

oOo

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#agere virgil #little virgil #little roman #ts agere #sanders sides agere #cg patton #cg logan #little/big series #little/big series fics #little accidents big developments #agedre roman

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quietrainfan · 4 years

Text

Unsymptober Day 6: Mind Control

Trigger Warnings: Unsympathetic Patton, Mind Control, Forced self harm, Blood, Knives, Dehumanization, Verbal/Emotional/Physical abuse, Gaslighting.

Note: Beginning is after Accepting Anxiety and end is after DWIT.

Once Virgil had formed an understanding with the Light Sides, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. Of course this didn't mean all of their feuds were resolved. There was still the issue of Janus and Remus needing Thomas to be aware of them and accepting them as facets of his personality. Not to mention the tense relationship between them and the Light Sides. Hopefully, though, this could lead to the Lights to open up to the idea of understanding Janus and Remus as well.

The anxious side opened the door that served as a barrier in the mind palace between the Darks and Lights. Virgil couldn't help the amused smirk that stretched across his lips as the spooky- most would call absolutely terrifying- sound echoed from inside the long pitch black hallway, confirming that the thing entering was another Dark Side. Janus had put a protective spell on their door that had been there- since forever, really- as a precaution in case the Lights tried to sneak in. It was strong enough that even Virgil had a difficult time getting in every once in a while. Thankfully, though, Janus could sense when it was him and can let him in at any time.

Virgil shut the door behind him, the usual yellow glow around the rimms flashed for a brief second before disappearing, leaving the anxious side in complete blackness. The lengthy hallway was freezing and there were always sounds of...something growing along the walls. Virgil was able to proceed without a care, though. Maybe it was because his purple irises that were made to help him see in the dark automatically switched on by instinct or that he was just used to the atmosphere of the Dark Side home. Probably both.

"Hey, hey! Look who's home! Say, Dee, ya think I should melt into the wall and try and spook 'im when he gets to the living room?!~"

"You do realize he can hear you, Remus. It wouldn't be much of a surprise. And no, I've already spoken to you about melting into the walls."

"Aw, you're no fun!"

Virgil rolled his eyes, the smirk never leaving his face at the familiar voices echoing in the distance. He finally made it to the aforementioned common room and waved at the two taller figures waiting for him.

"I'm home.", Virgil greeted, letting out an 'oof' as Remus wrapped an aggressive- but affectionate- arm around his shoulders.

"Hey there, tiny! Took ya long enough!", The creative side pulled him closer for a rough noogie, laughing as Virgil tried to break free to no avail.

"Augh, Remus! Let go!"

"How did it go today? I hope they didn't give you too much trouble.", Janus approached the two shorter sides with crossed arms.

His voice was even and calm but Virgil could tell Janus was on the defensive, for his sake, against the Lights. He always was when he returned. The things Virgil told him of his experience with them had his protective elder brother mode cranked up to a million.

Virgil snapped out of his annoyance towards Remus at the question, "Uh...yeah, about that. We need to talk."

"What did they do?", Remus had loosened his grip on Virgil a bit, his tone quickly went from playful to low and dangerous. Which prompted Virgil to explain before he did anything that would reverse all the progress they made.

"N-Nothing! Well- not nothing but….", The anxious side saw their eyes narrow and he cleared his throat, freeing himself from Remus's embrace, standing up straight and rubbing his neck nervously, "Uh, so- They kind of...accepted me? They came looking for me and we talked. Thomas is no longer resisting my spot at the discussion table."

Remus scoffed, "Yeah, right. After all that?"

"I was skeptical at first, too.", Virgil admitted, "But they really made a genuine effort to understand me."

The creative side wasn't buying it, turning to Janus. The deceitful side nodded, "From what I can tell he's being truthful, Remus. And I doubt he'd speak of it if he didn't feel like all of this was for certain."

Virgil was calmed by Janus's ever present rationality. But he knew this conversation wasn't over. "Although", He began again, "I am curious about what they said about the rest of us."

The anxious side bit his lip.

Janus's expression softened, "It's alright. Take your time."

Virgil sighed, "They-well, Roman, really- said that I was nothing...compared to you guys."

Remus chuckled bitterly, leaning against the wall, "Fucking typical. What'd I tell you?"

"I understand and trust me, share your anger, Remus. But they were not only willing to hear Virgil out but also came looking for him after he, to them at least, went missing.", Janus turned back to Virgil, "Remember that this is for Thomas's sake and working as a unit is far more efficient than doing it separately. Regardless of how...strained our family ties are."

Virgil responded with a smile which the taller side returned. He knew Janus would be understanding but it was still relieving to hear out loud. The deceitful side was known to be incredibly protective of all of them and unapologetic about his opinion towards the Lights. But thankfully that didn't mean he wasn't unwilling to make amends, provided they offered the same courtesy.

"So we're letting them in just like that?", Remus protested.

Janus laughed, "Absolutely not. I'm not going to let go of all the bitterness I feel simply because they were nice once to one of us. They have quite a ways to go to earn my trust and even longer to earn my respect.", He layed a gentle hand on Virgil's shoulder, "But what happened is worth noting."

Remus hummed, still skeptical of the whole thing, "We're going to still have to worm our own way in. Plus Thomas isn't even conscious of us yet."

Janus nodded, "Naturally. We can't just have our stormcloud being the middle-man for us forever.", A fond smile stretched on his face at Virgil's small grunt in response to his pet name.

"Eh, whatever.", Remus sighed, "You're the boss. If it means I can get my ideas heard, I don't really care how."

"Very good.", Janus clasped his hands together, "Now, it's been a long day. We'll discuss this further in the morning."

The three sides separated for the evening. Virgil distinctly remembered the following morning. They had started discussing ways to ease Thomas into accepting the parts of himself that he blocks out and working from there to get the others to follow suit. Virgil still had the memory of the last thing he said to them.

"I certainly hope any of these scenarios will work. Virgil, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, no worries. Leave it to me. I just don't want you guys to have to hide anymore."

Leave it to me.

He had said. And he meant it. He would've followed through with his promise but he didn't anticipate the situation he managed to get himself into.

Virgil was speaking to Patton while they got together for a movie marathon. Everything happened so fast. He brought up the Dark Sides, their recent reconciliation, and the possibility of them being able to come to an understanding since he was accepted. Before he could read Patton's expression as his smile fell, Virgil...felt something change in him. The anxious side wasn't able to decipher what at the time but by the time he had, it was already too late.

"I don't think you should trust them, kiddo. Stay with us."

That was all he said. Virgil opened his mouth to try and defend the others, try to convince Patton that it was possible for everyone to get along. But the words died in his throat. What came out instead shocked the anxious side.

"You're right, Patton. I'm so glad to finally be away from them. Thanks for...embracing me and giving me a proper family.", Virgil had a hard time processing what he said. He hadn't meant a single word of it yet his tone, body language, and expression reflected his words perfectly.

"Your welcome, kiddo.", Patton smiled warmly at him.

"I didn't mean any of that. Patton, the others can be trusted, you guys just need to give them a chance."

"Honestly, I don't know why I stayed with them for so long. All they did was cause trouble and made me miserable.", A spiteful growl left Virgil's lips.

The anxious side thought he saw Patton's warm smile fade slightly.

"Maybe because you didn't have any other option.", Patton smiled sadly, "We didn't give you any. We had no idea how horrible you had it. But now we do and there's no need to worry anymore. We won't let them hurt you."

The moral side placed a comforting hand on his knee, "I promise."

"They've never hurt me! I was perfectly fine! I just wanted respect. And they deserve the same!"

"I'm….still afraid, Pat.", Virgil mentally swore. What the hell was going on?!

"I know. But I'll always be here. And so will Roman and Logan."

"Thanks. That makes me feel a little better.", Virgil finally returned his smile.

"No, you all are part of the problem. I'll never feel comfortable if I have to choose between two halves of my family!"

His true feelings were locked up nice and tight. Virgil learned very quickly that what he actually thought was met with consequences. Nasty ones. Patton pulled him aside after everyone had fallen asleep.

"I'm sure you've caught on by now, Virgil.", The moral side said simply, "Unfortunately, as I predicted, you aren't weak enough to convince completely. You still have some free will in there. You Dark Sides really are a pain."

He adjusted his glasses with a sigh but smiled brightly nonetheless, "But that's a-okay! I've got a little back up! If you're going to be our family Virgil, I'll have to set some rules first!", Patton handed him a small pocket knife, "Hurt yourself."

Virgil blinked at the request. Patton's sweet smile remained, "For every forbidden thought you have, you are to hurt yourself with varying severity."

The anxious side's blood went cold. Judging by his expression, Patton wasn't kidding. "Hmm, since you had three forbidden thoughts today, let's start off with three wounds. Do it.", He commanded.

Virgil's hand moved, despite him trying to fight back against the urge forced on him. He reached for his face, ready to cut just below his eye but the moral side caught his wrist, guiding it back down.

"Ah, ah, kiddo. Not on areas where others can see.", Patton purred, "We wouldn't raise suspicion now, would we?"

He guided the anxious side's hand down further. , "Here. Your stomach. I think there's a good start."

Patton released him, watching as Virgil lifted his shirt. "Under your belly button, Virge. Since you had the guts to bring them up in a positive light."

Virgil's teeth sank into his bottom lip as he penetrated his skin, dragging it along to the other side, hot blood already beginning to soak his lower half.

"Your chest now, kiddo. One under and one in the center."

Virgil complied, holding back a scream as the excruciating pain shot through him. Patton let it drag on, taking his sweet time in telling him to stop.

"Okey dokey!~ That's enough for now.", Patton clapped.

Virgil stopped on command. He made a mess, though it was nothing compared to the agony he felt. His blood was still gushing out of him, the sight, the pain, made him burst into quiet tears.

Patton's smile remained but he rolled his eyes, "Oh, hush. You're a Dark Side, you've had worse and those wounds will heal almost right away.", The moral side pat his cheek, "Now go clean up and head to bed. We have some filming to do tomorrow."

Patton began to walk away but stopped briefly, "Oh, and welcome to the family!"

With that, he left.

From then on Virgil was forced to treat the Dark Sides exactly how Patton did. He didn't know how long Patton had him under control but it was apparently it was long enough that Janus had decided to take things into his own hands and make an appearance. Virgil was so overwhelmed with joy, he had completely forgotten the situation he was trapped in.

"Dee! I'm so happy to see you!"

"Anyone who doesn't understand that should just shut up.", Virgil felt sick to his stomach. No, no!

The hurt on Janus's face filled him with so much guilt, "Virgil...it's me.", He said with an uncertain, broken voice, pointing to himself. , "Aren't we friends?"

"Of course we are! More than that, we're family!"

Virgil scoffed, "I'm not so sure we are."

Janus proceeded in his attempt to convince Thomas on his own and all Virgil could do was sit there, wishing he could scream that he didn't mean it.

Eventually, Janus being the clever snake he was, found his own way of having his voice heard. Virgil was happy, proud even but the guilt he felt was awful. If he had been there, this transition period would have been a lot smoother and they could've worked on it together.

Patton was having none of it. The more obvious it became that the Dark Sides were getting closer to their goal, the more he doubled down on Virgil behaving more and more cruel forcing him to take his side at every turn.

And every time Virgil wanted to shout that he was being controlled. That he didn't mean a word of it. He desperately wanted to embrace Janus and Remus and apologize for every nasty thing he was forced to say to them.

And every time he thought that way, Patton punished him. There was nothing he could do. He may be stuck like this forever, regardless if the others were accepted or not. Patton would find a way to use him to undo all their progress.

----

"Virgil really just abandoned us all and cozied up to ol' four eyes, huh?", Remus snarled with disgust.

Janus hummed with agreement, resting his chin on his conjoined fingers, "Yes, it seems so.", He turned to the shorter side, "You know why, right?"

Remus kicked the chair next to him, " 'Course. I ain't fucking stupid! But what are we going to do? Personally, I just want to charge in there and beat the shit out of him until he lets Virgil go. But I'm guessing you're looking for something more tactful."

Janus, "Leave it to me, Remus. We'll go with the original plan of getting the other's defenses down."

"And Virgil?"

"We'll set him free, rest assured. But as you said we can't just rush into this. There's also the subject of demasking Patton's true nature. We'll have to settle that first if we want a solution long term."

"It sounds like Virgil's going to have to hang in there for awhile.", Remus gripped his sleeve in frustration.

"Yes, with you watching over him."

Remus blinked, surprised.

Janus merely smirked, "I trust you can protect him as much as possible in the meantime. Just...try not to be too obvious. I don't want to put our stormcloud in any further danger."

Remus beamed, pounding his chest proudly, "Roger that, cap!"

"Good.", Janus turned away from his younger sibling with a frown, "It'll be a long road but eventually, he will pay."

The deceitful side looked down, rubbing his thumb along the old hoodie Virgil had left behind. "Stay strong, Virgil."

@unsympathetic-october-2020

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starstruck-xavier · 4 years

Text

Rollerskating With A Prince

i got this out in time!! i have a lot of angsty ones in the works but this is a more light-hearted one because i’m craving some soft boys, i hope you like it <333

ao3 || wattpad || fanfic masterpost || main masterpost

words: 2313 ships: prinxiety (up to your interpretation though) warnings: mentions of anxiety medication (but in a positive way!)

summary: Roman creates a roller rink in the imagination, and he spends some quality time with Virgil to help him destress.

Virgil’s fight-or-flight reflexes are starting to kick in.

When Roman burst into the common room of the mind palace the previous day and announced that he’d made a rollerskating rink in the imagination (before immediately passing out, because he just conjured an entire rollerskating rink), mixed reactions were passed between Virgil, Patton and Logan. Patton was excited to try, but sheepishly admitted that he had a hunch he’d be terrible on wheels. Logan decided that the last trip he made into the imagination was stressful enough and that he had planning to do, anyway. Virgil… well. He didn’t know if he was really up for it, but if Roman expended all of his energy just to make a skating rink, it had to mean something to him if someone else was willing to skate with him. As the anxious trait sat on the floor next to Roman’s unconscious form, keeping him company, he thought about all the things that could go wrong.

First off, Virgil has never tried rollerskating in all of Thomas’ life. Sure, Thomas had skated before, but all Virgil did was flinch violently and yell from the mind palace couch every time he stumbled. It seemed that Patton and Roman had fun, so the memories in Thomas’ mind are positive, but not even Logan’s reasoning about how difficult it is to fall if you lean forwards could calm the nerves. It would be even more nerve-wracking for Virgil if he was the one in those skates. Secondly, thinking back on Thomas’ rollerskating experience, the music was far too loud and the lights were just a little too flashy. If Roman had replicated this rink since it’s the only one Thomas is familiar with, the atmosphere would just give him a horrible headache. Thirdly, Virgil just knew he’d be bad on wheels. Logan had previously pointed out his bad posture which likely stemmed from his awkward sleeping positions, the way he never sits in a chair properly or how he hunches in on himself when he’s too nervous, trying to make himself as small as possible. In addition, he tends to flinch backwards from things, and if he knows anything about rollerskating, it’s that leaning backwards equals instant death. Perhaps not death, but it feels like it! The nervous side sighed, his breath lightly touching Roman’s fringe.

"Are you okay, kiddo?” Patton’s voice made him jump; he twisted around to see the paternal trait setting a glass of water on the nearby table. "Oh, I'm sorry for scaring you, bud. You just look a little nervous.” he sat down to face Virgil, on the other side of Roman.

"Oh, I'm okay.” Virgil only half lied, but noticed how Patton seemed to catch onto it. “I'm thinking about it. Rollerskating. I might try it, but you remember how I was when Thomas did it.” He laughed nervously, pulling at his jacket sleeves.

"You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Virgil.” Logan’s voice caused him to flinch once again. He’d forgotten that he was still there, leaning into the arm of the couch closest to Roman. “I'd recommend it even less if you’re already feeling jumpy.”

Virgil took a deep breath to clear some of the anxiousness from his head. "I might be fine once Roman comes back around. Besides… I want to.” He looked down at Roman’s peaceful expression. "It might make me less terrified for when Thomas does it again, if it goes well.”

“I'm sure it will, Virge.” Patton smiled encouragingly. “Roman always makes sure we’re safe when we go into the imagination, right?” From the couch, Logan hummed in agreement. Virgil nodded.

“I'll try it once Roman’s recovered.”

Once Roman did begin to stir, Patton handed him the glass of water he’d poured for him while Logan encouraged him to not immediately rush back to the imagination to skate, instead allowing him to pick a movie to watch before going to bed. It was only him and Virgil watching, though, as the other two decided to call it an early night. It had been an exciting day; Patton was all tuckered out while Logan was ready to secure these long term memories for Thomas before resting. Virgil wasn’t feeling sleepy, and he wanted to watch Tangled, so he sunk into the couch with Roman as the title screen began to play.

"I get that you can conjure a lot of stuff, but did you really have to use all your energy to build the entire rink at once?” He looked over at Roman, observing his awake yet still tired looking form.

"Okay, so I may have gotten a little too excited.” Roman laughed. "I thought I was able to handle it, anyway. I felt fine when I got back!”

"Until you passed out.” Virgil added, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Until I passed out. But, hey, it’s all done and I think it was worth it! What do you say about joining me tomorrow, Stormcloud?”

"I— I mean,” Virgil felt the nervousness building up again, even though he’d basically sealed his own fate by telling Logan and Patton that he’d do it. "I want to, but don’t expect me to be any good at it.”

Roman grinned excitedly. "That’s okay! I can teach you. Don’t worry about it, it’s super easy.”

"You just told Thomas’ anxiety not to worry.” Virgil tried to bite back his playful smile. "But, yeah. I'll try.”

And now here he is, the next day.

Virgil has to admit he’s shaking, just a little bit. The rink looks similar to the one Thomas had visited before, but Roman is considerate enough to play soft Disney tunes at a very low volume and light up the place to suit Virgil’s needs. It doesn’t entirely calm his anxiety, though. He sits on one of the benches which surrounds the skating area, rolling his black and purple skates back and forth, reminding himself of the breathing techniques he’d learned.

"Whoa there, Thundercloud. You’re practically vibrating.” Roman sits next to him and places his own white and gold skates on the floor. "It’s gonna be okay. We can stop whenever you want to.” He holds his hand out as a comfort offering, but rather than just taking it, Virgil finds himself slumping into Roman’s side entirely.

“I'm just nervous.” Virgil’s voice hikes up an octave, only proving his understatement further. Roman smiles sympathetically and runs his hand up and down his back smoothly.

"And that’s completely understandable, but there’s no need to be. Once you’ve made it around a few times it just gets easier and easier.” Roman speaks soothingly. "You can hold onto me as long as you need.”

Virgil straightens up again as Roman bends down to put on his skates. He continues to roll his own skates around, trying not to focus on how easily the wheels go across the ground. Inhaling slowly, he looks up at the rink. At least there are half-walls to hold onto. It isn’t long, though, until Roman stands up without so much as a stumble on his wheels and offers his hands to Virgil.

"My fight-or-flight reflexes are starting to kick in.” The anxious trait mutters, pulling himself up slowly and holding onto Roman like a lifeline.

"Just relax, Virge. Here,” The prince holds Virgil tight around his waist with one arm. "You can hold onto the wall. I'm gonna teach you the form.”

Virgil grips the wall and lets Roman pull him along to the rink entrance. "Form?”

"Yeah. Since it’s your first time, just try walking like you normally would.” Roman imitates what he said by lifting up his skates with each step. "C’mon, you can’t just let me pull you around the whole time.” His voice takes on a teasing tone, squeezing him ever so slightly to remind him that he’s not going to fall. "You can do it, I've got you.”

"Uh-huh,” Virgil begins to walk with Roman, seeming slightly more at ease when he doesn’t immediately fall and die (a little overdramatic of him, but that’s how he feels in the moment). As they approach the rink entrance he is at least walking, even if he still holds onto the wall and hunches into himself protectively. Roman, on the other hand, stands as tall and regal as usual, having no problem with the skates at all. "How are you so good at this?” Virgil breathes, exasperated.

Roman smiles fondly as he leads Virgil into the rink itself, beginning to pick up the pace just slightly as he lets Virgil be closest to the wall. “I've skated before, on ballroom floors and the like, but never a roller rink. I did that quite a few times, actually, until it occurred to me that I could make a place that’s specifically designed for skating.” He starts to skate a little faster, causing Virgil to yelp and tighten his grip on him.

"Wh— Why are we going faster?!” Virgil stills the movement of his legs in a brief spike of panic, which causes another moment of him just being wheeled around by the prince. Although, he can’t say he doesn’t like it.

"We’re not even going that fast, Sunshine!” Roman smirks, earning a scoff from Virgil. "It gets easier to push yourself forward when you’re going faster. Here, lean forward and push your skates outwards, like this.” He replicates the movement, watching as Virgil’s skates begin to move in a similar fashion. "You’ll move from side to side, that’s how you actually skate.”

They only slow to turn a corner together. Virgil still grips tightly onto the wall, but the tension leaves his shoulders and his movements seem less shaky, while Roman keeps a comfortable speed for him. Eventually they reach a small box-like seating area by the wall, placed so that it’d be awkward to hold onto the wall while going around it, so Virgil feels a small spike of nervousness. However, Roman senses this and slows to a halt by the seating area to allow Virgil to sit.

The nervous trait breathes a sigh of relief as he shifts his weight off the wheels. "That went… better than I thought it would.” He looks up at Roman, who’s still standing with a perfect form.

"Certainly!” Roman praises him, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. "I think you’ll learn fairly quickly, Virge. You can take a rest if you want, I'm just gonna skate around a few times.”

Virgil brings his legs up onto the box to cross them as Roman glides away. The prince leans forward to propel himself further, very quickly finding himself at the other side of the rink. With a flourish, he spins around a few times for dramatic effect before continuing around the edge. He flashes a smile at Virgil when he passes the box again, making him chuckle at his theatrics. After a minute of watching, Virgil uncrosses his legs and places his wheels back on the floor again.

"Ready for round two?” Roman slows to a halt and sits next to Virgil.

He nods. "I don’t think I'm feeling as nervous this time around.”

"That’s exactly what I wanna hear.” Roman smiles warmly. "I hoped something new and exciting would help you to relieve some of the stress you’ve been feeling lately.”

"Oh?” Virgil tilts his head curiously, but then remembers that these past few weeks haven’t been the best for him. There was a delay when Thomas had to get his medication refilled and so there were a couple of days where the anxious side felt too jittery, disoriented, unable to focus on anything. His memories of being in that state are hazy as he’d spent most of the time trying to sleep (though more often than not his dreams transformed into nightmares), but the relief he felt along with everyone else when Thomas got to take his meds again is definitely something to remember. He hums thoughtfully. "Yeah, I didn’t have the best time last week. But, despite the anxiety I felt before, I feel…” His eyes meet with Roman’s for a moment. "I feel better. Thank you for doing this, Princey.”

A look of pride colours Roman’s features, the kind of look that a child has when they really impress their parents, one of awe, something amazing looking that fills Virgil with warmth. He can see now, how much the creative trait has really put into this place to make him feel at ease. The soft Disney tunes have transitioned into those lo-fi beats that Virgil always loves to listen to when he can’t sleep, and the lights are as soft as ever, bright enough to be able to see the entire rink but not harsh on the eyes at all. Then, he notices the colour scheme. There’s white and gold patterns on the floor and the half-wall, but the ceiling and main walls are black with swirls of purple, making the place look contrasted but also all the more mesmerising.

Roman created this place just for the two of them.

The prince follows Virgil’s gaze as a giddy happiness builds up in his ribcage, intensifying his grin, then eventually he pushes himself up to a stand again and reaches out his hands to hold onto the emo’s sweater paws. "Let’s perfect your form, and then we can see if you can let go of the wall.”

They would then make a few more rounds around the rink, stop to rest for a few minutes, and repeat the process for a few hours at least. By the time they’ve both tired themselves out, they’re leaning into each other’s bodies on one of the benches outside the rink, just enjoying each other’s company, and Virgil’s never felt more relaxed from something that he thought would always terrify him.

This could become a regular thing.

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