#but again if they hadn't even TRIED?

[ch1zzie]

The original in the bottom

Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny

[canisalbus]

you say machete has to be closeted then why's he always wearing them little heels

Maybe he thinks he's a tiny bit nicer looking in them.

[winepresswrath]

I think I would need to reread the first book to really commit to this opinion but imo some of the horror of book!claudia is that she really is a terribly inhuman monster. she was a vampire child, so she never learned to be human. she was a vampire child so she'll never grow up and fulfill that potential. companionship is a necessity for her because she can't look after herself and that makes her bitter and disdainful of people who want love for its own sake, especially in the context of Louis and Lestat, who damned her to her current state to fulfill their own emotional needs. it's a stark contrast to show Claudia, who yes, is a vicious mass murdering vampire and has fun with it, but is otherwise a lonely woman who craves companionship and understanding because she's a person. Her beef with Louis is still about his failure to prioritize her and his assorted bad idea relationship choices but the undertones are so different and I really feel like the tragedy is that he didn't put her first and not that he could never have made her happy no matter what he chose.

[sapphire-weapon]

I’m about to vomit out a bunch of thoughts, and I’m not sure any of this is going to make sense by the end, but. I’ve been thinking a LOT about these three lines in RE4make:

“You haven’t changed. You just think you have.”

“You can’t save her. You can’t save anyone.”

“This time, it has to be different...”

I’ve seen people focus in on that Krauser line and tie it directly back to Sherry, which is cool! Even as recently as five years ago, people completely glossed over Sherry’s impact on Leon’s life, and it’s cool that the remakes have had people digging into his character and realizing “oh shit, literally everything that happens to him after RE2 is because of his paternal love for Sherry.”

But... Krauser’s line is about more than just her.

With the remake turning Krauser into Leon’s combat trainer, chances are he knows about everything that happened in Raccoon City. And I don’t mean, like. He read a government file. Leon probably told him.

In OG, Krauser and Leon have this exchange of dialogue:

Krauser: “What is it that you fight for, comrade?” Leon: “My past, I suppose.” Krauser: “Hmph. Umbrella.”

It was axed completely from the remake, because it doesn’t make sense for it to happen in the remake. If Krauser was Leon’s trainer, that question was probably asked very early in their relationship. And since they weren’t currently in a fight to the death, and because they weren’t already six years removed from Raccoon City, chances are, Leon’s answer was a bit more involved than just “my past.”

So, let’s back up a little bit. In RE2make, they basically turned Kendo into a completely different character. OG Kendo was literally just there to point a shotgun at Leon and/or Claire and then go “oh my bad you’re not a zombie” and hook them up with some guns before he gets eaten. In RE2make, he’s a desperate and terrified father just trying to spend his last few moments with his infected 6 or 7 year old daughter before she turns. After he shuts the door on Leon and Ada, Leon turns to Ada and says, “Protecting people like that is why I joined the force.”

But Leon doesn’t protect or save Kendo or his daughter. He doesn’t protect or save... anyone. Every single person that Leon comes into contact with and tries to save dies horrifically -- and some, he even has to kill, himself (Marvin Branaugh). The only people who make it out of Raccoon City alive are people who saved themselves (Claire and Ada).

Of course, there is Sherry. But Leon didn’t save Sherry; Claire did. ESPECIALLY in remake canon, since nearly all of Leon’s scenes with Sherry got severely shortened or removed completely in RE2make.

But then, when Claire entrusts Sherry to Leon’s care (on his own insistence, per her RE3 epilogue), he goes and fucks that up, too. Gets her kidnapped and held hostage indefinitely by the federal government, and the only thing he can do about it is do exactly as they say and just hope they keep their end of the bargain and not hurt her.

So, when Krauser says “You can’t save anyone,” he means anyone. Ever. And even up to that point in RE4... Leon got the two officers who drove him into town killed, and he watched Luis die a slow, agonizing death right in front of him. And then, past that point, Leon has to kill Krauser with his own hands. Then he watches Mike die.

Ashley is literally Leon’s first and only success story, up to this point in canon. (And even when you go all the way up to current-day canon, Ashley is one of... three? People? I can think of? Total? Who Leon actually saves?)

So, Leon saying, “This time, it has to be different,” he doesn’t just mean Sherry. He means Ada. He means Kendo. He means Marvin. He means the entirety of Raccoon City. He’s staring down a repeat of what happened back then, not in terms of the bioterror situation, but in terms of his own personal failures. His survivor’s guilt. He can’t handle the thought that he’ll be the only person to walk away again -- and he refuses to be.

And that’s why Ada’s line bothers me so fucking much.

I mean, first of all -- Ada, you haven’t seen this man in six years, and you’ve spent a total of like five minutes with him since meeting up with him again here, so how the fuck would you even know -- but even aside from that...

To be clear: she’s right.

But she’s also wrong.

Leon has changed -- to an extent. In RE2 (OG or remake), Leon honestly believed that if it was lawful, then it was also morally right. He doesn’t believe that anymore. There’s no more “letting the law sort it out” or trusting in the power of authority for him anymore. His moral compass has been boiled down to: “If you hurt or murder innocent people, you’re a fucking asshole, and I don’t really care who you are, I’ll kill you myself.”

RE2 Leon was willing to hear people out and give them an honest benefit of the doubt -- even Annette Birkin. RE4 Leon just tells people to shut the fuck up before opening fire.

RE2 Leon was honest and trusting to a fault, and he felt stronger as part of a team. RE4 Leon is suspicious almost to the point of paranoia, and he just wants to be left the fuck alone to do his job.

These are all things that were really important to who Leon was in Raccoon City, and they’re reasons why things turned out the way they did for him, back then.

But at the same time, Ada’s right in saying that, at the core of it all, Leon is still that kind-hearted, decent guy who just wants the good guys to win and the bad guys to lose. That’s why it hits him somewhere sensitive when Krauser says: “You can’t save anyone.” 

It’s just that, now, the way he approaches it is different. His outlook on life in terms of his goals is different. His expectations for it have changed.

So, if Leon had been smarter/wittier, he absolutely could have turned it around on her and said: “No, I’ve definitely changed. You just think I haven’t.”

And not only would that sound threatening as fuck, he’d also be right. They both would be, at that point.

And for all of those major parts of him to have changed and still be facing down the possibility of failing every single person he comes across, especially Ashley...

"This time, it has to be different.”

And this time, it was.

[kennyomegasweave]

Phupha 2 telling Kram 1 he'd pick the first person he had even if he fell for a second person just made me gasp. Cause I mean. Well. Phupha 1 had a fiancée, then met Kram 1, then said absolutely nothing about her to Kram 1, but once Kram 1 did find out about her & met her tried to pull out some "baby I was gonna tell you, I promise it's not what you think!" And then he just died? And now Kram 1 is falling for Tai 2 while also being like "no you love Phupha 1" like that entire man isn't dead???

Please someone just hug Tai 2. Like my god. His whole ass man died and then his man's other world double showed up and he tried to keep his distance but caught feelings, but Kram 1 still thought he could just switch Phupha 2 in for his dead Phupha 1 just for Kram 1 to realize he doesn't actually want Phupha 2??? And he does what Tai 2??? Please someone just hug Tai 2. I'm begging.

[tkbrokkoli]

been scrubbing these damn shoes w the white soles for eternity

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Oh hey actually I can't do some of the stuff till after my dad leaves for his night shift (ya know to make sure I don't hold him up and stuff) so I have bit of time so I have two thoughts to share right now!

I'm seeing an increase of 'Mangle in the Pizzaplex' art and stuff in the tags and it's really funny that my brain sometimes jumps at it like "QUICK!!! You NEED to make your Mangle stuff NOW otherwise everyone's gonna think you're copying or be so bored of seeing her no one will like it!" Like bro. Who cares? Who gives a shit? No one is ever going to make a Mangle like mine and I'm never gonna make a Mangle like anyone else's that's how it works. Literally who give a shit lmao calm down it's all fun to see

On another note, I've also been seeing a lot of dogs chewing through raw carrots so I've decided that Meteors Roxy also does that. Just sits there cronching her way through either a carrot or an apple or something, no thoughts head empty to unwind a bit. She deserves it

[keeps-ache]

well! that project's out of my brain now :) now what

[kittlyns]

I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day

[general-cyno]

it's always interesting to me how a bunch of analyses on knives’s character I've seen/read rely on the affirmation that he's inherently in an advantageous or privileged position compared to vash when not only are both of them from the same female-presenting species, they both suffered from the same gendered trauma and exposure to oppression/violence in the form of tessla as kids - it was their reactions and processing (or lack of processing, in knives’s case) of it that ultimately shaped what would later become their opposing ideals and/or beliefs.

obviously, our own different experiences, thoughts, beliefs etc irl will influence our readings on these sort of characters but idk, I think it's curious that knives's brand of rage/hatred/violence is seen as a Clearly Cis Masculine thing (which boy. there's a lot to unpack there) when these feelings stem from a deeply rooted fear of exploitation and consumption (that he can be subjected to, by virtue of the species he belongs to and what his body can do) that can be pretty relatable to afab folks imo. the lowkey infantilization is huh interesting as well bc honestly a lot of knives's overly emotional reactions remind me of afab characters who are immediately dismissed as crazy, hysterical etc etc for acting the same

anyway. I don't really care what genitals ppl hc knives with bc lord knows porn is free real estate and that's another matter (I've personally enjoyed fanarts/fics where he's depicted as having either, both, or smth completely different) but eh ig what I mean to say with all this useless rambling is that knives belonging to the same (oppressed) species as vash and still exhibiting abusive behaviors towards him doesn't automatically make knives the Cishet Male Privileged guy fighting against vash's Queer Trans Marginalization when both can easily be read as sexually-and-gender queer (even if in different ways) and if you believe folks from the same oppressed/marginalized group can't hurt each other well. think abt that perhaps

(as a side note bc this apparently needs to be said on these kinda posts but No I Do Not Think Knives’s Genocidal Tendencies Are Okay)

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[funkylittlebats]

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[invisiblyvisiblejay]

i don't really listen to anything my ex tried to get me into but i still listen to the band a girl i had a crush on in high school mentioned she liked once so who really had an impact on my life huh

[wereh0gz]

I just want to be done with this one stupid class I don't wanna do shit for it anymore

[bombshellsandbluebells]

the Nate Shelley s3 arc reminds me of the s5 Murphy arc in terms of how much I actually loved it despite it not being widely liked by the fandom and was actually disappointed because it wasn't ugly enough lol

and it's basically the same arc. character with deep-seated wounds and a lack of true self-love has realistic, damaging coping methods and crashes and burns spectacularly by hurting other people around them and isolating themselves because it doesn't matter how good things get for you, deep-seated wounds that don't get addressed will eventually come out one way or another. and it will be ugly when they do.

the Murphy arc was disappointing because it got wrapped up way too easily with Memori getting back together which didn't actually address ANY of Murphy's issues and Nate's was disappointing because it just didn't commit fully to being ugly and didn't let him be enough of an asshole

[purewater100]

i like to think my mental health isn't that bad, and that my disorders haven't impacted me that hard, but then i'll have nights like this where i'll realize just how badly i've fucked myself and it really, really sucks lol.

these past 4 years, can i even call it living? though, i think the worst part is i know it's not gonna stop at 4. i know once this year ends, the next will be just as bad if not worse, and i will have to live through not just that year, but every year after it knowing the only person i can blame for my misery is myself.