#but also deeply joyful and the more you know the more you love

[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM: Why DOES the God Machine decay, anyways? It's operating outside of time and space. For that matter, I have Other questions about it. Why does it generate existence in the first place? Does it change its composition over time? Does it communicate with others like it? Did someone make it?

Strictly speaking, there is no reason for life to exist, here or in the fic. This is all just a very fun accident. Life exists in the 4 dimensions we're familiar with not because there is a reason FOR life to exist, but because there is no particular reason for life to NOT exist. I think it's the same in twelve or two hundred forty-seven dimensions. There's no reason for life to NOT exist outside of our understanding of time and space, so there's not particular reason to think it does not exist.

So the life machine exists, not because it was made, but because there is no reason it should not exist.

One thing that does seem to be true across different dimensions (and by "dimensions" I mean "measurable spectrums in which reality can exist", not "Alternate universes") is that death, or at least, entropy *does* exist. The universe we live in will eventually experience heat death. Time unravels under specific conditions and indications are that those conditions will eventually become dominant. All things, even the laws of physics, eventually die.

So the Life Machine dies, because for some reason, all things do.

...But also Things are born for no particular reason.

The big bang happened for no particular reason other than nothing was stopping it (kind of literally). Some people think that the universe will not experience heat death at all, but a dimensional collapse that crushes it all back together, before it explodes again, like a cosmic inhale and exhale.

Perhaps the Life Machine is not dying at all, so much as this version of it is reaching the next phase of it's life cycle, and it departs it's mortal coil not for oblivion but it turns to goop to reform into a body measured in entirely different dimensions.

Which is a bit of an upheaval for its microflora.

The Life Machine generates life in the same way you and I 'generate' the conditions of our intestines that support bacteria. If you ask most people, they do not think their primary purpose in life is to play host to billions of microorganisms, but that is very much something we do, and depend on.

Likewise, the Life Machine is misnamed, because it's got purpose beyond human understanding, like how humans have purpose beyond the understanding of eyelash mites. It's doing it's own thing, we just live here. but if all our microflora and fauna were to leave, it'd be a major problem for us, and if all life were to stop, it'd be a problem for the Life Machine.

In the Tarot, "Death" symbolizes change, and the Life Machine is Dying in the sense that it's definitely changing. Whether that change is the change from caterpillar to butterfly or from whale to whalefall is beyond the comprehension of Mortals, or even things like The Soul King.

Soul King's job is to keep the souls alive through this, and they achieve this by exploiting the fact that this change is also when the Life Machine reproduces. Regardless if the current Life Machine becomes a butterfly or a corpse, it's offspring will have suitable conditions for life to continue. Maybe this is a gift form parent to child- the life machine passes her internal flora to her offspring like a mother transfers her own colonies and antibodies to her child via colostrum. Maybe the Life Machine isn't thinking of it's offspring at all and this is all just the machinations of the parasites to propagate themselves into a new host for the sake of future generations.

Either way, neither action is planned or designed, but are still acts of love from a parent to child. Woman and Nematode alike loves her daughter.

TL;DR: As Above, So below, in the gooeiest and most incomprehensible but deeply loving way possible.

[itspileofgoodthings]

I love being surprised by good things in life but in order to be surprised by things you have to have let all specific expectations of receiving them go free which is hard to do when you KNOW that there are good things and you love being surprised by them. Hard not to crane your neck to get a better look at them in advance though doing it spoils the whole thing.

[elysiansparadise]

Composite Chart observations

🤍Jupiter or Part of Fortune in the 1st house not only indicates that you feel more joyful with the other, but that when or after being with the other, many opportunities of any kind can come to you. The relationship will bring with it a lot of self-improvement for both and a feeling that things in life become simpler.

🤍When Sun it's in the 7th, 8th or 12th house we find ourselves in a mirror relationship, in which you will show each other the other sides of yourselves that you had never been aware of. They will be more similar than they look, because in terms of core they can be very alike. The other will openly display behaviors that you repress.

🤍A peculiarity of Mars and/or Mercury in the 11th house is that both are likely to have very different personal opinions but very similar goals. They may be very different at first impression and even have very different ways of behaving, but they can understand each other well and go after what they want as a team.

🤍I have noticed that when Saturn is making just positive aspects on a composite chart, it is capable of helping the tensions that some squares can cause, as it adds stability and durability to the dynamics of the relationship, but above all the willingness to solve problems by fact that both see in this relationship something to maintain in the long term.

🤍The Moon-Venus conjunction gives us that relationship in which if one of the parties is moody and the other enters the room, their day immediately brightens. It seems that they only need to see each other to be happier. They evoke a lot of sweetness and tenderness in each other. They will love to take care of each other in every way, from the most practical to the emotional side, without forgetting to mention how comfortable they feel simply being by each other's side.

🤍Jupiter or Saturn in the 10th house cause there to be a mutual and very strong admiration for the person the other is, what they achieve and their ambition. If these planets positively aspect the Sun, Venus or Mercury will constantly let each other know, and even other people.

🤍Having a Stellium in the 11th house makes the dynamic lighthearted, fun and very pleasant for both of you. You will feel that you can be yourself uninhibitedly and be able to express your ideas and emotions without being judged. Likewise, they will have a great willingness to help each other and will awaken the empathetic and altruistic side of the other. They can have very similar worldviews despite differences in temperament and attitude.

🤍Venus in Aries allows the duo to spend many moments of joy and laughter. They may have many similarities between them and love to joke with each other. It is an indicator of playful teasing, of a lot of enthusiasm and fun. They really love each other's company, even if it's just few minutes. They highly value being authentic and transparent with others.

🤍When the Moon or Venus is in the 12th house, it shows us a duo or a couple who is affectionate or more affectionate in private, they may prefer a moment of greater intimacy since it makes them likely to be very reserved people with their feelings but, surprisingly , very open between them.

🤍Neptune in water houses favors emotional connection and the ability to intuit the feelings of the other, also giving the sensation of understanding each other without words and without much difficulty. They can have a very great feeling of adoration and fascination for each other, as well as devotion.

🤍The Moon-Neptune aspects make them deeply connected to each other on an almost inexplicable level. Both not only read and understand each other like no one else, but they seem to quickly feel what the other feels. They can infect each other with their moods. It is even likely that, for example, if one is thinking about the other, the other will send a message or call them on the phone. They absorb each other's mood and can quickly adopt their usual behaviors or phrases even without realizing it.

🤍With Pluto in the 9th house, both will profoundly change the way the other sees things. Being together and having a regular conversation with each other entails many epiphanies, seeing things from other perspectives and feeling that things finally make sense. Both have the goal of teaching each other a lot and fully trust that the other positively influences their lives. They simultaneously add depth and fun to the other person's life.

🤍Having Mars in the angles makes both of you motivated almost instantly. Being next to each other makes them feel energized, motivated and they easily make the other feel capable of achieving and going after everything they want. They can bring out the confident and sociable side of each other.

🤍When you have Venus or Moon in the 10th house, the duo shows others, consciously or unconsciously, the high degree of affection and appreciation they have for each other. People tend to see them as very similar and compatible like each other and they tend to provoke adoration in others. It may even be a couple or pair of friends that others find admirable or your dynamic may be something that people would like to have in their lives.

[sapphosclosefriend]

- I need you by my side -

Pairing: Royal! Natasha Romanoff x Princess! Fem! Reader

Genre: fluff, smut, tiny tiny bit of angst

Summary: you have known Natasha pretty much your whole life and you never thought you'd end up marrying her. On your first night officially together you learn to appreciate each other in more than one way (Medieval AU)

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: top! Natasha, bottom! R, Nat has a penis, virgin! R, arranged marriage, very brief drinking, kissing, size difference, SMUT, oral (Nat receiving), balls sucking, cum eating, nipple stimulation (R receiving), fingering (R receiving), squirting, vaginal penetration, rough sex, cumming inside, a whole lot of fluff

A/N: this story contains smut so anyone who isn’t 18+ DNI. Both sets of parents are shitty tbh, but I guess it's accurate to the time period? The aesthetic in my head was very much game of thrones for this one. This is so much longer than I intended!! As usual likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated! Enjoy ♡

Masterlist

It has been a long long day of making merry, a joyful celebration of honour and union for everybody, but also a dreadfully awaited day full of anger and resentment from your new spouse. You could feel it radiating off of her throughout the whole day, and the weeks prior for that matter, and the tiredness only makes her more frustrated as she walks next to you towards your now shared chambers. Her long legs and anger driven fast pace almost make it hard for you to keep up with her and for a moment the thought of telling her off crosses your mind, immediately followed by your father’s reprimanding voice, forcing you to calm down immediately. The moment the large wooden doors close behind you, the sight of the bed adorned with rich fabrics and clearly made to harbour two newly wed people makes you freeze as you can only move your eyes from to bed, to the other girl’s back on the balcony and back towards the bed. You both know what you’re expected to do and unfortunately sleeping the exhaustion away is not yet included.

In the meantime, Natasha’s blood boils even more now that all the tension she’s been holding back in favour of decency is coming back in the confinements of her, no, your private room. The thought of what she’s been forced to do only makes her feel that all too familiar anger that’s been eating her up for months now: she’s always known that she was eventually going to have to marry someone of a certain status and that the range of possible candidates was quite small, but she thought that the last word would be hers, it was promised to her! But the moment you became of age it was all clear, it was going to be you, it was always going to be you, there was never anybody else for her parents. All those times where they visited your family because of what they would say was a special friendship between them and your own parents, where she was always made to play with you, to sit next to you, to take you on walks, to talk to you, get to know you, it was all a lifelong plan to get to this very specific moment, you and her married. The fresh night air helps cool her temper as she turns around to lean against the cold stone of the balcony railing and looks at you, nervously pouring yourself a cup of deep red wine, only tasting a sip of it before repeatedly tapping the metal cup, lost in thought. She feels a lot of guilt whenever she thinks about you because, although she’s never been outwardly rude to you, it’s clear that you feel as part of her problem and that her reassurances don’t help ease your mind at all. The only people she’s deeply angry with are her parents, but seeing your sweet eyes, knowing how hopeful you’ve always been of finding a person to love for the rest of your life and that person forcibly being her, reminds her of how your lives have never truly been yours and how naive you’ve been for thinking otherwise at the empty words of reassurance coming from your parents. She knows she has to try at least, if not for her family, for you, for the respect she has for you, so she takes one last breath of fresh air to ease her nerves and walks back inside.

The smell of her favourite incense and the dim lights coming from all the candles give her a small sense of comfort as she slowly walks towards you, standing next to the table still with your wine in your hand, and pours herself her own cup, which she downs in one go.

“I was very happy to be able to catch up with Yelena, it had been a long time since I had last seen her”

At your words she looks down at you and can’t help but give you a little smile at your attempt at breaking the ice, knowing you’re not the most outgoing person

“She was very happy too, she couldn’t wait to see you”

She goes to sit on the bed as she talks, making your mind go back to that imminent moment. Seeing you nervously swallow the lump in your throat, she pats the spot next to her and intently looks at you as you set down your cup and walk towards her, taking a seat on the soft mattress: you can clearly feel the heat of her body with how close you are and secretly savour it as you both keep looking in front of you to avoid meeting your gazes. There’s a long pause where only your slightly shaky breathing and the distant sound of the celebration going on without you two can be heard, before her voice, strangely uncertain and almost a whisper, breaks the silence

“Have you ever done this before?”

You were kind of expecting it, but the question still makes your heart stop

“…kind of”

At your small voice she turns to look at you, confused by your answer

“What do you mean “kind of”?”

“I’ve done something, but not…all of it”

There’s almost guilt in your words and after reluctantly looking at her and meeting her expectant gaze, you go on

“There was someone who was always very…interested in me..”

You can feel her brain working hard and the realisation getting closer and closer until

“Wait, you don’t mean…”

You can barely give her a side look, feeling regret at your own actions from the past

“What?!”

“I know, I know!”

You really can’t look at her now, knowing her opinions on that certain Someone

“Not that asshole!”

“Yes, well, of course I didn’t listen to you and…I got used like a whore. But I’ve never been touched, if that’s what you wanted to know.”

She watches you looking down at your own fiddling hands with sympathy and sadness, knowing how genuine and even naive you can be with your selfless trust in people. Her hand on yours almost startles you and gives her the chance of taking your own in hers: you can see a small, healing cut on her knuckle and her rough palm, testimony of her constant sword training, is warm against yours, except for the two small, golden rings, which feel like ice against your own skin. The moment you take your eyes off your joined hands to look at her you find her eyes already on your face, making you look back down

“You have, right?”

“Yes, how do you know?”

You let out a small chuckle and start playing with one of her rings without even noticing, catching Natasha’s attention to the action

“You and that girl, it was quite clear, you know?”

Of course you noticed, you always did, you were almost too good at reading her considering that you didn’t see each other that often. That time, during one of her family’s visits, a girl with beautiful red hair was with her when she arrived and, although she was introduced to everybody as a normal lady in waiting, you immediately caught the glances and small touches between the two. Another moment of silence engulfs you two and you can’t keep your mind from spiraling at what’s going to happen soon. Not even Natasha’s ring is enough to keep you calm anymore, so you just let go of her hand and finally tell her what you’ve been wanting to say since you got alone. She’s still thinking about how much she surprisingly misses your hand in hers when your words startle her

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, I know you’ve never wanted any of this and I’m sorry that you were forced into it…I know that we have to do this, but you shouldn’t if you don’t want to”

Your words make her heart swell at how thoughtful you are to her, unlike her own family, before guilt takes over her once again

“I want to do this…with you. To be honest I’m happy that you’re the one I’m stuck with”

Her playful tone makes you giggle and look at her, getting caught off guard at the small traces of happiness on her face, finally getting free of that constant frown that you’ve consistently seen on her as of late. She finally looks back at you and once your eyes meet it seems like you’re really looking at each other for the first time in a while. She’s always been known to be one of the most beautiful people of the realm, so it was never that big of a shock to look in the eyes of what could easily be a goddess amongst mortals and be taken back by all that beauty and all the small details that make her so unique with nothing but adulation. You’ve never been scared of displaying your appreciation for anyone, so seeing your look of fondness towards her doesn’t surprise her at all.

On the other hand, Natasha finds herself truly entranced by you for the first time since you’ve known each other: she’s almost surprised to notice just how beautiful you are and how all those comments made by her friend, even if quite crude most of the time, were not the nonsense she made them to be.

“You do realise that anyone would pay to be in your place, right? You whine like a baby because you have to chat with her or something, it’s not like you have to marry her. And even if you did you’d get to have a go at it with her every night”

The familiar words make her grimace at the thought of such comments being made behind your back but the faint feeling of jealousy deep in her is enough to bring her mind back to you, sitting so close to her and looking up at her with such timid adoration that in that moment she can’t keep her eyes from finally moving down on their own towards your lips, looking so inviting she doesn’t even realise she’s slowly moving closer to you until the air you exhale melts together and your lips touch each other every time you breathe

“Natasha”

Your whisper ignites something inside of her and what could be considered almost curiosity makes her move just enough so that your lips are finally fully on hers in a small kiss that makes your heart beat so fast it feels like it’s trying to escape from your chest to get to Natasha. Oh Natasha, she’s the only thing that exists in that moment, just Natasha, nothing else. As soon as you part you barely have time to look into each other’s eyes and for her to admire your panting state before she’s cupping your face and leaning in once again, making you melt into the kiss while you try to turn your body towards her. You are thankful that you’re sitting on the bed, otherwise you’re sure your knees wouldn’t have been able to keep you upright. You still reach for her shoulder for support as your lips move against each other slowly, deepening the kiss more and more until you can feel her tongue on your lower lip, asking for permission and being granted it when you lightly suck it, making her moan lowly and break the kiss to catch her breath. You can’t help but admire her and reach for her hand, still under your jaw, to hold it in your own, making her open her eyes at the gentle action. In that moment, sitting on the edge of her bed so close to each other you’re almost in her lap, breathing hard from all the nervousness finally wearing off thanks to the act of newly found intimacy between you two, you truly feel the need for each other, not something necessarily carnal, but a deep need to have the only person who could really understand what you’re going through and who could support you through all of it by your side. You don’t know how much time you spend kissing, you just know that you can feel yourself grow more and more restless at her wandering hands caressing your arms with a touch so light goosebumps grow under her fingertips.

You have no idea of what has gotten into you, maybe it’s her intoxicating smell, or the way she’s now firmly holding your waist with one hand, or her frustrated sighing every time she catches her other hand searching through the seemingly never ending fabrics of your gown for a snippet of skin, or maybe it’s just all the stress you’ve been subjected to lately, but you are sure of one thing, you need to feel her, as much of her as possible.

In a spur of bravery you get on your knees on the mattress and do your best to straddle her lap without tripping over the layers of your dress, finally succeeding and finally being able to feel more of the heat coming off of her that you've been enjoying since you've sat next to one another ot the bed. Your faces are finally at the same height and for the first time you can see her enchanting emerald eyes even better. You move some small strands of hair that have fallen on her face to briefly take a better look at her, before your lips are connected once again and your hands are tangled in her hair. You can clearly feel Natasha's hands move over your back, repeatedly shifting down to the small of your back and stopping herself from going lower, making you whine as you take her hands and move them to your ass, getting a small groan out of her at your sudden boldness. She's finally able to reach your skin, after not so little effort of going through the fabrics of your skirt, when your lips leave hers to move down to her jaw and neck, leaving shy pecks hiding the deep hunger you suddenly feel for her. The gentle touch of your mouth on the sensitive skin of her neck and your small unconscious movements over her crotch start making it hard for her to hold back to let you go at your own pace. She loses control just for a second once you feel something poking your center and ground your hips over it with a little bit more will with a small muffled moan, and she moves her hands towards your front to try to reach for your breasts but fails to do so

"Damn dress"

The frustration of once again not being able to get to your skin almost makes her growl the words, getting your attention and making you stop yourself to look at her expectantly

"Sorry, it's just always in the way"

"Well…would you help me get out if it then?"

The clear contrast from your previous slightly daring demeanour and now your usual shy tone interests her and after a nod from her you get up from her lap and stand in front of her, still sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at you turning around and asking her to loosen up the laces of your fitting dress. The pads of her fingers briefly go over the skin of your back where the fabric ends as she reaches for it, making you not so subtly shiver at the anticipation you now feel, in clear contrast with the almost fearful nervousness that dominated you once you first got alone with her. Once she's done with her task you slide your arms out of the sleeves and are finally able to feel the fabric slide down your body and stop at your hips, catching some resistance at the tight fitting and exposing your torso to the cool night air coming from the balcony. Your hair put in an intricate updo gives her a clear view of the creamy skin of your back and makes Natasha feel even more anticipation once your hands move to your hips to push the dress past them to let it slide down your body, leaving it a heap of embroided fabric on the ground. You once again feel your heart beating out of your chest at your now fully naked body exposed to Natasha and you suddenly seem to be frozen in place, not able to turn around and fully face her. Her warm hand gently touching yours startles you but the following sound of her voice immediately puts you at ease a little

"Wait, let me do something"

You immediately miss her hand once it leaves yours and soon after you hear her getting up from the bed and moving a little to do something. After a little bit she gently puts her hand on your shoulder and rubs her thumb over your skin to hopefully help soothe your nerves before speaking in the most gentle tone you've ever heard from her

"Remember that you don't have to"

She's the first person to tell you that. Since your birthday all your life has been revolving around this marriage, everything you've been made to do has been in favour of this event, most of the things your parents have said to you lately were commands on what you needed to do in order to be a good and honouring daughter. She's the first one to tell you such a thing, she's the first one to give you a choice in a situation where you've never had one, she's the first one to see you as a person in this circumstance and not as trade goods. She understands you and she understands the way you feel because she's gone through the same. You're on the same level. You suddenly turn around to look at her and for a second you almost miss the way she's completely naked too, taking you by surprise at her bare body

"This way we can both see each other"

She once again talks with that gentle and caring tone that this time makes your heart swell a little just for her. Your loving gaze is lost in her entrancing eyes when her hand slowly takes yours and moves it higher and higher, leaving it on her chest and making you feel the faint beating of her heart, soothing you for a moment, also thanks to the tiny reassuring smile she gives you. You do the same to show her your willingness to put all of yourself in this with her and take her hand and put it on your own chest. You don't say a word but you understand each other surprisingly well, making you both for once relieved of such a marriage and the chance of being one another's companion instead of some stranger. It's true, in all the years of knowing each other you've never been extremely close but you've certainly never hated one other. Sure, sometimes Natasha may have been annoyed at having to spend time with you but it was mainly because she was once again forced to do something by her parents. In all honesty, being with you always ended up helping her get over her irritation. You once again catch yourself getting lost in thought while fidgeting with her golden necklace with her family's sigil on it, but clearly catch the warmth of her hand leaving your chest to lightly caress your cheek before gently pushing under your chin to lift your gaze to her

"I need you by my side"

Her whispered words are barely audible but sound crystal clear to you

"Always"

You know that, from now on, you're the only two people who can help the other, you need to be strong for each other.

Before you know it her hands hold you on each side of your face to kiss you once again, taking your breath away at the need you both feel for the other. Her hands soon move down to your back to pull you flush against her front, getting you the closest you've ever been and making you reach for her shoulders to hold onto. The feeling of her soft skin against yours seems to never be enough and you realize you're pushing her to get impossibly closer too late, only when her back hits the mattress and you almost land on top of her

"Sorry-"

She doesn't let you finish before she's pulling you in again to keep your mouth on hers and she's grabbing your ass for the first time once you fully straddle her hips, making you whimper at the intimate act. You're both breathless, you know it, and the last thing you want is to stop kissing, but you need to take a small break and, once you part, you take the chance to sit up and unmake your updo, letting your hair fall down your back, taking out as many of the golden pieces of jewellery in it as you can and letting the smaller braids here and there done not to waste any more time. You're aware of your position and you secretly savour the way Natasha grips your thighs at the feeling of your bare center on hers. Feeling slightly confident you lean down to give her one last kiss on the lips before moving downwards, leaving small pecks on her neck, collarbone and chest, and then leaving her lap to get to her abs and lower abdomen, looking up at her after noticing her breathing quickening a little bit and catching her slightly clouded eyes looking back you. Right before being able to kneel down she offers you one of the many pillows from the bed, preventing you from being in pain from kneeling on the hard stone floor and puts another one under her head to get a better view of you between her legs.

The anticipation takes over the nervousness you feel at the sight of her semi hard cock in front of you and before you can get too anxious you reach with your hand to wrap around it, slowly pumping it a couple times and immediately getting a small, low moan from Natasha. You're not sure you've ever heard anything hotter than that and the excitement from making her feel good makes you more and more eager to please her as best as you can, so you keep moving your hand up and down until she's fully hard and a small bead of precum has formed, looking too tempting not to taste and making you reach over to give a small lick to her tip. You moan from finally being able to taste at least a little bit of her and at the same time Natasha hisses at the feeling of your tongue on her making her twitch.

You don't think you can wait anymore after getting a glimpse of her, so you get comfortable and finally fully wrap your lips around her tip, gently sucking it for a bit, if not to get yourself used to it, then to hear her groans again and again. Her hand moving towards your head excites you more than you'd like to admit and you'd lie if you denied the small disappointment you feel when it gets to your hair just to keep it out of the way with a makeshift ponytail. You realize it, you want her, all of her and she needs to know, so to try and make her understand it, feeling too embarrassed to say it to her face, you take more and more of her, doing your best to relax your throat and not gag too much around her surprisingly girthy cock. Her pants turn into loud groans once you do your best to look up at her as you slowly take all of her down your throat in one go, stopping only when your nose hits her crotch and staying like that for a couple seconds before lifting yourself off of it and sucking a deep breath while a string of spit still connects your mouth to her tip. To give your throat a small break you keep pumping her with your hand while you move downwards to lick her balls a couple times before taking one at a time in your mouth and very gently sucking them, making her curse out loud and sending a shiver through your whole body at the sound.

After a little bit you go back to her cock to take it back in your mouth, moaning at her taste and making her grip your hair tighter at the vibrations of your voice on her. You know she's close and you know you want her to take her orgasm from you herself, so you reach for her hand and make it lay flat on top of your head, before giving it a small push, hopefully making her understand what you want. She does, oh she does. After letting out a breathy chuckle at your eagerness she looks at you go back to your ministrations and guides you through it, making you take more and more of her until she's pushing you all the way down her cock and your gagging and her groans are all that can be heard in the room. She's close, so close and you know it, so you open your eyes to look back at her and meet her gaze already on you, before you reach for her balls to lightly fondle them, making her reach her orgasm in a couple more thrusts and finally feeling her cum in your mouth. You gently keep sucking her tip through her high until she's fully done and takes her cock out of your mouth

"Show me"

You don't expect her words but feel excitement when you open your mouth to show her all her cum on your tongue, and she bites her lip at the view

"Good, go on"

Her voice, still panting, and her taste as you swallow all of her cum makes your center ache like never before, even more so when you open your now empty mouth to show her that you've done it and she smirks

"Very good, you've done so well for me"

Her praise makes you smile at her and you can't keep yourself from climbing on the bed to kiss her briefly before she moves to make you lie down with your head resting comfortably on the fluffy pillows while she positions herself between your legs. Your new position gives you the perfect opportunity to fully explore her body, feeling her defined muscles under her velvety skin with every brush of your hands over her shoulders, her arms, her abs, her back, her ass, her thighs. She looks even more godly now, looming over you with her large, sculpted frame, looking quite bigger than you, and essentially trapping you between her and the bed. You don't feel trapped though, you feel safe and free, as you lie under her, with the knowledge that she's not here to take something from you, but to have an exchange, that she's accepting what you have to offer with a deep respect for you and your relationship.

The small traces of boldness you felt when you were pleasuring her disappear, as doubt takes over your mind: will you do a good enough job? Will she like your body? Will the fact that you're new to some things make her lose her excitement?

She immediately senses your uncertainty and can almost see your racing thoughts behind your eyes, getting her a little worried

"Are you alright?"

"I just…I don't know what to do now"

You can't even meet her gaze as you almost whisper the words, her constant and extremely casual confidence making it hard for you to admit your helplessness

"Let me do it then, hm?"

She waits for you to look at her and nod back before giving you a sweet smile and laying her palm on your cheek, savouring the way you subtly snuggle into its warmth, making her heart swell at how small you look right now. She leans down and kisses you gently over and over until she feels your tense body relaxing little at a time under hers and, once she feels you slacken, she finally lets her hands wander, gently gliding them over your body as if to not only lull you further, but also to imprint its curves and feel into her own mind. It's only once your breathing quickens and you kiss her more hungrily that she lets herself tentatively reach closer and closer to your chest, cupping your breasts once your hands tighten on her biceps to pull her closer.

The breathy whimper you let out once she lightly swaps her thumbs over your nipples, breaking your kiss, makes her even more excited and curious to find out what other sweet noises she can get out of you, so she moves her lips over your neck, leaving kisses here and there to find your sweet spot and indulging herself into leaving visible marks over your skin, getting spurred even more by your nails slightly scratching over her back and the subtle rocking of your hips. Moving lower and lower she finally comes face to face with your chest and feels pride at the sight of your already panting state, getting even more determined to make you feel as much as she can, so she finally wraps her lips around your right nipple, making you moan out loud and grip her hair harder than you intended. If she's able to make you feel so euphoric even with the simplest of touches, you can't even imagine how you're going to keep yourself grounded later on.

Your body feels like it's on fire and every single snippet of your skin that comes in contact with hers makes you long for her more and more.

She spends quite some time paying attention to your chest, sucking your nipples and the skin around, certainly getting it bruised and sending even more shivers through your body at the thought of being marked by her.

You're so lost in the moment that you don't feel one of her hands leaving its place on your breast to move lower, startling you when it makes contact with your very inner thigh, still wet from you previously rubbing it with the other while on your knees. She sucks your nipple on last time before kissing you while propping one of your legs over her hip and slowly gliding the pads of her fingers up your thigh, getting closer and closer to their destination and making your anticipation grow like never before. The moment her fingers get right below your hip bone she parts from you and looks you dead in the eye, searching for any sign for her to stop and when you give her a small nod she finally lets herself touch you, gently running her fingers up and down your surprisingly soaked slit, making you gasp at the contact and sending a wave of arousal through both of you.

Soon enough, after getting used to the feeling of someone else's hands on the most private part of your body, you can't help yourself from slightly rolling your hips in search of something, anything more, so she finally moves her ministrations directly over your clit, rubbing it slowly in circular motions and making you moan more loudly than you expected. You get even more excited at the feeling of her cock twitching on your thigh every time you moan for her, so you take one hand out of her hair and move it down to grab and pump her, making her hiss at the feeling of your hand back on her, while she keeps touching your clit and occasionally lower, closer to your entrance. You immediately miss her once her fingers leave your center as she gets them closer to your mouth

"Taste yourself"

The rasp behind her voice almost makes you miss her actual words at how hot it sounds, but you're still barely able to make out their meaning, so you grab her hand and suck on her wet fingers, moaning at the taste of your own arousal on your tongue and the feeling of her fingers in your mouth. Once you've sucked them clean and gotten them wet, she takes them out of your mouth and moves them back to your clit, rubbing it one last time before gently probing at your entrance and slowly pushing a finger inside, looking for any sign of discomfort from you before adding another one at the sight of none. You can barely whine as you bite your lip to prevent yourself from moaning too loudly, feeling embarrassed at how your cunt tries to suck her fingers in by tightening around them over and over. Once she's knuckle deep inside of you, you let out a deep breath at the faint pulsing of your clit against the palm of her hand, and look at her with watery eyes at the pleasure you feel even from her fingers staying still inside of you, giving away your extreme arousal when you tighten around her from a small kiss on your lips

"Can I move?"

She whispers her words but you can clearly understand her and quickly nod with big pleading eyes

"Please!"

She can't help but groan at your enthusiasm and barely moves her fingers in and out of you, focusing more on massaging your front wall little by little, getting you used to the sensation and making herself even more frustrated each time she feels your walls spasm around her fingers instead of her cock. She's been extremely patient since you've first gotten on your knees for her and the need to take you and feel you has been eating her up more and more, but the last thing she wants is to make you feel pressured by her, the last person you should feel unsafe with, so she does her best to keep herself grounded and fully focuses on you.

She gradually keeps increasing the pressure of the pad of her fingers on the spongy spot inside of you she easily found, making you embarrassed by the lewd, wet noises that come from your center with each stroke of her fingers and only getting you out of your own head with a particularly hard thrust that gets you freely moaning and tightly gripping the sheets under you. The muscles of her arm get even more defined from the task at hand and her breathing starts shaking from your wet walls engulfing her digits so tightly and the look of ecstasy on your features as she essentially takes your breath away. You're so close, so close to finally cumming undone for her for the first time, so close to the sweetest release

"Natasha! I'm-"

You can barely call her name before your orgasm crushes over you like a tidal wave at full force and runs through your whole body. She can't keep herself from basically growling at just how tight your walls regularly spasm around her fingers and the sight of small droplets of clear liquid coming out of you with every thrust, wetting her wrist and creating a small patch on the sheets under you. It takes you a bit to get down from your orgasm and once it stops, you can't help but sob from how intense it was, slightly shaking from time to time from the aftershocks

"Are you alright? Was it too much?"

There's genuine worry in her voice and eyes and you feel the need to kiss her, hopefully freeing her of her concerns as well

"It was perfect, Natasha"

You barely get to mumble the words against her lips before you need to kiss her again and again until your heart doesn't feel like it's beating out of your chest anymore. She uses your moment of blissed distraction to take her fingers out of you, trying not to cause too much discomfort and breaks the kiss to suck her fingers clean, lowly moaning at your taste on her tongue for the first time.

The sight makes the desire you've been feeling, that's never truly left you yet, come back at full force, startling you at how easily she's able to cause such waves of arousal to run through you.

You can't wait anymore, you need to feel more of her inside of you so bad you might just cry if you can't have her immediately and, based on her hungry eyes and fully erect cock, she might be feeling just the same

"I need you inside of me Natasha"

If your mind wasn't clouded by such want you'd feel embarrassed by your own words and the extreme neediness in your voice, but you simply can't bring yourself to care about it right now and whine at the loss of her body's warmth once she leans back on her knees. You're at a loss for words once you give yourselves time to truly look at each other's naked bodies for the first time and not even the way she grabs your waist to gently slide you down the bed a little bit before putting a pillow under your ass is enough to get you distracted from the perfect sight in front of you. You're finally pulled out of your trance once she makes your thighs rest on top of hers and gets you to automatically wrap your legs behind her back, giving her easy access to your center. Her cock sitting heavy on top of your mound makes you just a little anxious at how big it looks near you, but, sensing your doubt, she immediately takes one of your hands and kisses its back as to hopefully soothe you

"We're going at your pace"

Her words do help you a little but you still feel incredibly nervous, so much so that it seems like you suddenly get aware of every single thing near or on you, the cold golden earrings near your jaw, the soft fabric against your back, the slightest breeze of cooler air over your arm-

"You don't have to…not tonight if you don't want"

Her words, accompanied with a soft rub over your knee finally get your mind back to the moment and remind you, once again, that you can trust her and she won't judge you for anything

"I want it! I want it…"

You reach for her thigh to lightly squeeze it as to further reassure her and, once she gives you a brief nod, you smile at her and very slightly move your hips back and forth to feel her cock slide over your clit, signaling to her that you're more than ready. Natasha feels anticipation like never before once she grabs her own cock and moves her hips back a little to line it up with your entrance, making you tighten around nothing at the lewd sight of her spitting on it to get it all wet before grabbing your hips and slowly pushing in the head.

Your mouth opens in shock at the surprisingly not painful yet still almost extreme stretch and your eyes are pulled away from the sight of your centers getting closer to each other the more she pushes inside, at the sound of her voice as she curses under her breath. Your walls feel even tighter than they did around her fingers and it's really hard for her to keep herself from taking you immediately, but of course your comfort is her first priority at the moment, so, once she's fully inside of you, she stops for a bit, waiting for you to feel comfortable enough for her to move. On the other hand, the pleasure she makes you feel already starts clouding your mind and at the feeling of her staying still, completely inside of you, you can't help but let your head fall back on the mattress and let out a loud whine before looking up at her with pleading eyes

"Please Natasha! I'm ready, I promise! Please!"

That's it, there's no going back now.

She squeezes your hips quite hard as she slowly pulls out to the tip, pushing back inside a bit more quickly and going like this over and over, making you moan a bit more each time, until she sets a steady pace, getting lost in the feeling of your walls wrapped around her. You barely realize it when you're suddenly moving one of your legs to prop it on her shoulder, making her reach different spots than before, sending shock waves through your body and making you squeeze her tighter. Intent on making you feel even better, she almost immediately takes your other leg from her hip and puts it over her other shoulder, ripping a loud moan out of you from the feeling of her cock now reaching your sweet spot more easily with each thrust. The sight of your hands going from gripping the bed sheets to playing with your own nipples makes her throb inside of you and, needing to go even deeper into you, even if impossible, she lets go of your hips and puts her hands on each side of your head, getting as much leverage as she can, while still keeping your legs against her shoulders, to set a new pace, slower but with much harder thrusts, essentially knocking your breath away at the force with which her hips meet yours

"You're so beautiful"

Unfortunately you can barely register her words and find it impossible to form a single word, but try to find her wrist next to your face to give it a squeeze and hopefully make her understand if not that you think the same, at least that you appreciate her telling you that.

You know that in a short time it'll be almost impossible for you to keep yourself from tumbling into another breathtaking orgasm and you try your best to tell her, even though you know she's probably already aware of it by the way your cunt keeps squeezing her more and more

"I'm! I'm going to-"

She was waiting for you to say it yourself and hearing your straining voice trying to get the words out gets her close as well and, before she knows it, she's leaning down on her forearms, basically trapping you under her and reaching impossibly deeper inside of you

"Fuck Natasha!"

You didn't think her thrusts could get any harder, but you were wrong, her rough movements and panting groans right next to your ear are too much for you and get you to an orgasm even harder than the one before in only a couple of seconds. She tries her best to keep herself from cumming to keep thrusting into you and help you through your high, but your desperate moans, your nails raking over her back and your cunt squeezing her impossibly tight make it impossible for her to keep her orgasm from crushing over her. Her clear groans, the feeling of her cum deep inside of you and her, already balls deep, trying in vain to thrust even more into you, send an almost painful pang of arousal deep in you, pulling the last bit of energy out of you and leaving you limp under her large body.

Once her breathing has gone back to somewhat normal she finally lifts herself from her spot and comes face to face with you and only then, after you slightly hiss at her movement, she remembers that she's still inside of you

"Sorry"

There's a light sheen of sweat over her whole body, her mane of hair is tousled and her eyebrows are furrowed as she leans back to slowly pull out, trying not to make you feel too much pain also by gently running her hand up and down your side, making your heart swell at the sweetness behind her action. For a brief moment she looks slightly entranced by the sight of her cum slowly sliding out of you but soon moves away to let herself fall on her back next to you quite ungracefully, making you chuckle at her very non-regal manner. A comfortable silence falls between you two as you savour this moment of serenity and only now you notice how some of the many candles have died out, making the room feel even cozier.

Your droopy eyelids keep closing on their own accord, as exhaustion slowly starts taking over the both of you, but, right before you can drift off completely, her hand reaches over to hold yours one last time and her tired voice breaks the serene silence

"I'm very happy you're the one by my side"

.

.

.

Tags: @fxckmiup @natashasilverfox

[animeyanderelover]

I'm having a tiny bit of a Mihawk brainrot if you can't tell. I'm not sure if his past was ever really elaborated on so there are most likely mistakes in my interpretation because I am not caught up to the Anime yet.

Just imagine...

Growing up together with the very boy that will in the future claim not only the title of "Strongest Swordsman in the World" but will also eventually become one of the Seven Warlord's of the sea. Hawk Eyes Mihawk is a name that will one day struck fear in everyone that hears it, whether it's a pirate, a marine or an innocent citizen.

Yet you have known him ever since both of you were just tiny children. You know all of his quirks, his likes and dislikes and all of his most sacred secrets and most embarrassing moments which he made you promise would be kept only between the two of you.

And Mihawk knows you just as much. He knows of all your dreams and your biggest fears, has been your shoulder to cry on whenever your heart was struck with grief, has witnessed all of your shenanigans and despite his better judgement has even participated in some of your reckless decisions, even if to simply be the one who ultimately saves you from any big troubles.

The dynamic between the two of you has always been like this. You have always been the dreamer, the one who has their heads in the clouds and loves romanticising everything. He can't even recall how often you spent your time excitedly recounting to him a dream you had in your sleep or proclaimed to him excitedly about a new ambition you had in life, every week a new one. One time you told him you wanted to be a doctor, another one you wanted to be a vet and the next time you announced your new dream of wanting to be a shipwright. You were like a pot just foaming over with dreams and positivity.

Mihawk on the other hand has always been your voice of reasoning and the guardian who is always right next to you when your excitement led to an impulsive and poorly made choice. He has always been the one who was your silent yet loyal shadow and the one you could always count on, even if he has dubbed you as an "idiot". He has always been the one who just sat there and silently listened to all of your excited rambling when the words were tumbling out faster from your mouth than you could form them, even despite reminding you that you should probably soon make up your mind whenever you discarded your old dream for a new one. You truly are a scatterbrained fool at times yet he has a weak spot for that bright glimmer in your eyes, a light as bright as the sun.

As adolescence catches up with you two, you stay the same dreamy fool who tends to daydream throughout the day, so deeply immersed in your own thoughts that time and your surroundings are forgotten.

Mihawk remains as the one person you are closest with and is the one who protects you from walking into doors, buildings or people when he realises that you space out again as you let your imagination run wild. Yet as he grows up from a boy to a man, his feelings for you mature. Both of you have always been exceptionally close to each other but it is only as his mind matures and becomes more complex that he starts questioning how he truly feels about you. You have always been the dearest person to his heart but as a child he has never truly considered your relationship as deeply as he does now. You've just always been the person he has known best and with whom he has shared the most, from the good to the bad. You have always been special to him yet it is only now that he realises just how special you really are to him.

He loves you.

He loves your ditzy and airheaded personality, your joyful laugh and the constant glow in your eyes as you look at the world around you as if you are discovering it for the first time and he especially loves the excited shimmer in your eyes when you tell him about your dreams.

Knowledge alone is only half the work though. Mihawk, who was back then only a flicker of what he will be in the future, doesn't know how to express those emotions he has for you. All he knows that he feels very intensely for you and he finds himself overwhelmed with this discovery. It is all chaotic and hectic inside of his heart and his mind. It is something new that frightens him over so slightly as he doesn't know how to control his feelings just yet which is why he decides to wait. To wait until he has understood his love for you a bit better before he will tell you how he feels about you.

Eventually both of you leave the island you grew up together in favor setting sail and heading towards the Grand Line. Both of you had dreams of your own yet neither one of you was at that time ready to separate from each other just yet. Mihawk's feelings for you have only grown since he became cognizant of them for the first time and they only intensify with each passing day, not enabling him to understand them nor to fully control them.

So used has he grown to having you all for himself though that he finds himself uncomfortable and possessive when you choose to engage with locals on an island both of you have landed on, an eerily intense look in those golden eyes of his that seemingly try to pierce the very soul of the person you choose to give your attention too despite him standing right next to you. It always spooks people and you can only slap him on his chest as you chastise him for his rude behavior, although he knows that you are never truly mad at him. Even he is secretly just glad that you give him your undivided attention again, even if he is grumbling as he defends himself against your little lectures.

Both of you enter the Grandline together and it is then that you finally decide to bring up the idea of you two finally separating. Initially Mihawk is quite reluctant as you suggest that idea to him. Wouldn't it be safer for both of you to stick together? After all neither of you two knows what lies ahead in those oceans. You are quite persistent though as you explain to him that you would like to achieve your dreams by yourself and that you think he should do the same. You clarify yourself by assuring him that you don't plan to never see him again but that you would like to do your best without his help with your own strength.

He feels the lump in his throat as he hears your reasons behind your suggestion, his mind struggling to imagine how it would be if you wouldn't been with him and he finds himself drawing a blank as soon as he attempts to consider it. You are someone he has always known throughout his entire life and even hearing your suggestion has his heart shaking with the thought of your absence if that were to really happen.

You two have always been together. Why would you want to change that now?

Both of you spend a lot of time arguing over this issue but ultimately you win him over, the light in your eyes persuading him by tugging at all of his heartstrings. His obsession has just started to bud and it isn't until a while later that it springs to its full awakening which is why Mihawk eventually caves in and agrees to your suggestion.

Both of you separate at the next island you land on but both of you make a promise to each other. That you'll meet again on this very island one year from now on to see how far you two have come with your dreams.

His heart is heavy when both of you bid each other goodbye, his hands holding yours tightly as he relishes one last time for the next long year in your brightness. The words he has been wanting to tell you for a while now linger on his tongue, the temptation strong to let you know about his feelings for you in a last feeble hope that his love may change your mind. Yet he knows as he looks into your beaming eyes that your mind has already been set so he can only swallow his feelings back, although he vows that when you two will see each other again, he will be strong enough to finally confess his love to you.

One year passes and he returns to the same island as a completely different person. Within only one year Mihawk has risen to unbelievable fame. He feels content with what he has achieved within the last year as he has grown into the strong man he swore to be one year ago on this very island and considers himself now ready to finally tell you about how he truly feels for you. The budding obsession as blossomed over the last year as your absence has forced him to fully acknowledge as well as embrace everything he has been feeling for you and now more than ever before does Mihawk plan to keep you by his side.

Only that you never show up.

Initially Mihawk decides to ignore the growing heaviness in his heart as he decides that maybe you experience some delay. The weather in the Grandline is after all infamous for its changing mood. So he waits for you.

One day.

Two days.

Three days...

With every sunset that he witnesses on the island, he feels a part of him silently dying with it. Emotions brew up inside of him as a few days turn into nearly an entire month and he finally can't deny the haunting truth anymore he has been trying to deny.

You won't return.

His heart shatters as he finally acknowledges this fact. There are so many emotions inside of him, far too many for him to identify each one of them as they blur together into one big storm that has his chest tightening and his heart silently screaming.

Why didn't you return?

He can only come up with two possible explanations and he truly doesn't know which one would be worse. Either you have forgotten about him and the promise you two made or you have died on the sea.

He dedicates months trying to find out the truth about what happened to you. He reads every single newspaper, somehow dreading yet hoping to find an article mentioning your name yet he is always left disappointed. He travels to the island he knew you were heading to after both of you separated in hopes of gathering information yet no one from the locals can give him any useful information about you. He goes through all the newest bounty posters to see if your name and face appear anywhere only to be left with a growing hole in his heart.

The last hope of his is finally shattered when he sails all the way back to the place both of you grew up in only to be met with the same dreadful emptiness as no one in the town has heard of you since him and you left the island on a ship over a year ago.

Nothing.

There is no trace of your existance in the world, no matter how long he searches for you as if you were only a fickle imagination of his own. He doesn't know whether you have forgotten about him, if something has happened to you or if you have met your end somewhere on those unpredictable seas.

It is a torment unlike anything he has ever experienced as the lack of knowledge drains him slowly and tortures him as he is unable to find any closure. No matter what, Mihawk seems to be destined to suffer one way or another. Hope is titled as the most beautiful thing in the world yet it is hope that only prolongs his suffering as a part of him is unable to accept the possibility of your death until he has proof.

As months turn into years, his heart shrinks and withers like a flower deprived of water and sunlight. The ambitious and determined man turns into a husk of what he was, his dream stolen from him without having been able to do anything. There is a growing resentment sharply directed against himself as the last few days with you haunt him.

He shouldn't have agreed to separate from you. If he would have just been more insistent, would you still be here with him?

The anguish of his lost dream nestles itself deeply into his shriveled heart as the perpetual heartbreak changes him. Colours seem to fade from the world around him as a feeling of numbness spreads like roots in the earth. There is nothing that excites him anymore, not even when he is dubbed as the strongest swordsman in the world. The title and the reputation that comes with it hold no meaning to him anymore, not when he doesn't have you to share his glory with. The hole in his chest is torn open as time flies by and every ship that crosses his path is dragged into his suffering as he wields Yoru against them. There is no meaning behind the carnage he leaves behind but he has lost sight of why he should care, the dwelling bitterness and sorrow inside of him tainting his honor.

He has lost the ability to live, feels more akin to a ghost as he drifts through the seas and clashes with opponents who are swatted away like flies only to be forgotten by him soon after.

There is a new listlessness clinging to him, his sharp eyes unable to see the worthwhile in this world now that you are gone. Everything is buried deep inside his chest and mind though so that no one can ever have those memories and feelings he has shared with you. Some people hoard gold and jewels, Mihawk's most precious treasure are the memories he has made with you over the years as there is nothing else he has left of you.

When the Marine offers him the title of a Warlord, he is only half the man he used to be. Surely you would have objected to this offer as you have always been rather warily of the government and if he would have been the man he once was, he would have sliced the person who had made such a ridiculous offer to him into dices.

That man is already dead though...

He accepts the offer after a while, although not because he is suddenly fond of the very people he used to hunt down. He just doesn't know what he should do with himself anymore. It feels like his life has halted and is just waiting for you to return, even if by now he has a feeling that he will never see you again, forever left in the darkness about your fate.

Someone once said that time heals all wounds. Those words are a lie. Mihawk doesn't heal as years just seem to trickle by faster than he can even realise. There is nothing of substance to his life, nothing worth to remember. Only the hole where his heart used to be reminds him that he is still breathing, the haunting emptiness inside of him something that will remain the only thing loyal to him until his body rots away.

The presence is barely something he takes notice of as he only lives in the past in his mind, clinging to every memory he has of you out of unadulterated fear that he may eventually forget what your voice sounded like or how you always looked at him with those bright eyes. If even those memories were to abandon him, he would lose even the grasp of his own identity within the never-ending cycle of the dull and forgetful life he lives now.

Many years later a miracle happens though. He finds you. On a random island within the Grand Line, he finds you again.

He doesn't even want to believe it when he initially sees your face. Maybe his mind is just playing tricks on him out of delusional desperation but as golden eyes trail you, he realises that he hasn't gone mad. It is you...

The weight of uncertainty that he has been carrying around with him for so many nights suddenly evaporates, its haunting shadow covering him no more.

There is no relief though for him though. No matter what outcome would have proved to be true, he always knew that he would end up getting hurt.

Why are you here? Where were you during all those years? How could you abandon him and betray his feelings so easily?

In that moment, as he stands there motionlessly as only his gaze follows you, he feels like a small boy again. Helpless, confused and hurt beyond words. Emotions he has been hiding behind inner walls for years threaten to burst out of him and an urge to unleash all of those seething emotions overcomes him yet none of those thoughts or desires are ever put into action. As if someone put a spell on him, Mihawk finds himself unable to move, as rigid as a statue. Perhaps his body is just in shock and in hindsight it is good that he finds himself unable to act in that moment to gain some semblance of control again. Otherwise who knows what he would have done in that moment.

He watches as you stroll through the city, your laughter which used to bring him only comfort and warmth seemingly mocking him as he feels a new shadow swallowing him up and filling his heart with a bitter taste.

Betrayal. You betrayed him.

You willingly chose to break the promise you two made decades ago and discarded him as if he were an disposable object instead of the person who spent your entire youth with you.

Did you even once consider how he would feel? Do you have any idea what he turned into because of your decision?

You left him! Didn't even bother to contact him to let him know that you were still alive! Whilst he spent endless days and nights mourning after you, driving himself insane as he didn't know of your fate, you were on this island and enjoyed your life!

A life without him.

Did he mean that little to you for you to make the decision to never see him again so easily? Did all the years he was by your side mean nothing to you?

His heart dies as he can only stand there and follow you with his gaze. All heartbreak, all of the grief that have eaten him alive from the inside out for countless seasons drain in the new cold rage that suddenly floods his veins, his pupils narrowing as his gaze zooms in on your smiling face.

What use did it have to mourn someone who lives? What use did it have to feel heartbroken over someone who clearly doesn't care about the pain he went through?

Mihawk has already wasted too much time dwelling in his own self-pity and in that moment he despises you for the shell you have turned him into.

You made the decision to disappear without a word. Now it is time for you to pay the consequences of that decision. He isn't here to catch up with you for old times sake after all.

No. He is here to take you.

And just as you didn't care about his feelings during all those years, this time he won't care for yours either. He doesn't care to hear your reasons and he doesn't care about your apologies if you should dare to voice them to his face. It is already too late for any of that.

Years too late.

[loveemagicpeace]

♥️Jupiter & Venus♥️

♥️Jupiter( tells you what type of housband do you want) Venus ( tells you what type of wife do you want). It also represents what kind of husband/wife you will have. Therefore, even when looking at a wedding/marriage, you have to look at the 9th house in addition to the 7th house.

🩷Jupiter in Aquarius in 1st house-someone who will be unique, will have his own opinion, will not follow others and will have his own vibe. Someone who will value you as a person and your appearance (also he will look beautiful). Someone who will be like you or similar to you. Everything you have in the first house is always some connection with you. Your husband can be active or play sports. Someone with whom you will share the same dreams. Your husband will support you in everything you set out to do.

🦋Jupiter in 2nd house-someone who will value you, have the same values ​​as you. Someone who will love to enjoy life. Even the person with whom you will enjoy food, material things, share the same values. Someone who will be stable and with whom you will feel safe.

🐚Jupiter in 3rd house-someone who is communicative and has several hobbies or ideas. Maybe also someone who has multiple personalities and likes to multitask. Someone who values ​​mental stimulation. Someone who will love to do more things with you and will always find something new. He may also like to go on trips.

🪴Jupiter in 4th house-someone who is compassionate, caring, gentle and emotional. A family man who likes family and privacy. Someone who likes comfort. A person who can also be capricious. In this case, it could also be someone who already has a family or someone who places great importance on family and things related to them.

🎨Jupiter in 5th house-someone who likes to do many things, have fun. Maybe someone who has teenage energy. It can also be a person from your childhood or someone you know from before. Jupiter in the 5th house gives you good and understanding married partners, which will support you in every phase. Your husband will be proud and strong.

🛼Venus in 6th house -you will have a wife who will be caring, hardworking and have her own routine. As per married life predictions, they have a positive side to them that gives all the luxuries and comfortable life to their spouses, but the negative side is that they can't form an emotional bond with them.

🩷Venus in 7th house-you will have a wife who will be feminine, kind, beautiful. Venus here is a very good relationship and marriage here is very beautiful. with Venus in the 7th house who have had a love marriage may experience a very healthy and joyful life. Your wife will have a lot of charm and attraction.

🍀Venus in 8th house-you can have a wife who is very intense, jealous or possessive. Maybe a wife who will want to control you and keep you under control. But also the spouses will be attractive and charming. They will have an outstanding personality which will help natives in bonding emotionally with them. Someone who will love you deeply and give you all the love. On the positive side they will be extremely loyal, passionate.

🌙Venus in 9th house-your wife will be adventurous, lively, optimistic and full of life. A person who is full of energy. Wife will be extremely romantic, and a lover of beauty. She is a psychic by nature. Your wife can have a love to philosophy, religion, and music. Your wife will be the one with whom you will travel and explore a lot. Your wife will be the one to push you out of your comfort zone.

🪁Venus in 10th house- They are most likely to marry their love partners and have a faithful life with them. These natives will make a noble life with their partners with emotional and mental bonds. As per married life predictions, there won’t be anything major to worry about in their life, they just want to spend more time together which they will lack because of responsibilities. Your wife will be independent and may have her own business or be a public figure.

🫀Venus in 11th house- your wife will be different from the others. She will stand out from everyone you have ever met. Just when you thought it was impossible to find someone as different as her - you will. Your wife will be special and will have her own charm, energy and special beauty. You will share dreams, goals and many things with her. Your wife will be untouchable but touchable for you.

🍬Venus in 12th house -The married life of these natives will be happy and full of adventure and traveling. The native's partner will bring good luck and fortune to the native's life. As per married life predictions, the natives will be caring and kind towards their partners, and they will be understanding towards each other. Your wife will have a mysterious beauty that you will immediately fall in love with. You will find it especially beautiful, because it will have a special spiritual nature. Your wife will be very sympathetic and will do a lot for you. She can be the person who will bring out the best in you and with whom you will feel that you can give her a part of yourself.

-Rebekah🌙🫧

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "People's first impression of you"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read what kind of first impression you generally leave on people you randomly meet both irl and online. Please beware I will focus on your person's first impression of you in another pac. There're similar pacs on Instagram (@/psychelis.new) too, if you need confirmations or a different outlook.

Music channeling has to be taken mostly for vibes/titles this time

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

People sees you as someone determined and passionate. You may come out as a very powerful person, strong-willed (especially in your career/studies) and they may feel you are quite the leader. Some may feel intimidated by you even, but still deeply respect you and be inspired by you in a way. You may be considered as impulsive sometimes, and a bit stand-offish, but this comes mostly from people that kinda envy you. I do think you are kinda considerate and pretty grounded, at least on most days. Some people may be attracted by you, you probably emanate this light of security and confidence that attracts people; and you may be also kinda seen as someone who is able to reach anything in their life and doesn't have many problems (you may be a private person). I do think there's something in the way you dress, in your smile or look, that really shows your confidence (when we do something we love and aren't self conscious but focus on that, we do look confident no matter if we feel we are or not) and people really likes that. It could also be the way you dance or your body moves when you're with friends or something.

song: you're the one that i want | lo-fang

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pile 2

You're a sweet caring type, maybe a bit shy, but still very warm to others and deeply respectful. Your energy is a bit nervous at times, it could be for social situations in particular. A little "all over the place", like you may forget stuff and then remember all of a sudden once you're doing something else (and need to interrupt what you're doing to move on that other subject). People think you're cute though. You may be on the little side (you're short/thin/small) but it doesn't have to be. The way you act makes you look in need to be protected and comforted. You are youthful too, your smile is so very kind and warm, but somehow you tend to fear showing it at times (probably you're a bit insecure about your appearance and try to downplay yourself or you try to hide yourself... you may not enjoy too much staying under the spotlight). You are seen as someone very positive but also kinda moody, with lots of energy's ups and downs. People notice when you feel uneasy or something troubles you. At times you may fear being too much, especially when you're hyped. But you're not (and if someone sees you as so, it's not on you). People feel good when being with you, you're "comfortable" (people may randomly open up to you). You know how to make people feel at ease/seen. You may bring hope to people just through your presence.

song: until i found you | stephen sanchez

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pile 3

People sees you as warm, joyful and optimistic. You're also giving grounded and kinda "mature" vibes. It's like... you let others see you without many filters, you know where to put a fullstop or put boundaries to others (many may wrongly label you because of this as cold or rude). You value your space and you don't let others' opinions of you affect you too much. People may see you as giving and also as deserving of good things. You look very warm-hearted, you probably support others in some way or volunteer. You trust your guts more often than not and people sees you as brave too. You look very collected and even after sharing a few words, they may fall for your mind and the way you articulate your words and thoughts. You're very determined and positive. You don't mind being seen for who you are or to comfort others through your personal experience. They see you as someone important in their life and many would like to keep you in their life for as long as possible. You may inspire others with your words and many may try to copy you or use your words as if they were theirs. You don't seem too annoyed though. You're not that easily annoyed or worried (or if you are at first, you have learned how to deal with it and look at it from a different perspective). You may even get haters but you don't give them what they want. [feels like you're kinda "famous" and have fans and haters, even just after first impressions]

song: what you heard | sonder

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pile 4 (this pile is longer but there's a reason)

You seem pretty reserved, even closed off. You probably are in an hermit period or you just don't trust others very much. It may be also that you're healing parts of yourself and you are more on your own, and despite you'd like to not feel alone, you kinda ended up into this cycle/habits of closing off to others. You may be a bit too fixed in your mentality. It's black or white and nothing else. You need to like or dislike something (or someone), there's no space for uncertainty... as if uncertainty was something unbearable. It feels too unsafe for you (root chakra unbalanced). You think through boxes. The fact that other possibilities may exist, seems a concept that is too far from you: the fact that grey may exists as well and be as correct as black or white, is strange... no, it's almost impossible. So this is what happens with people too: you may start talking with someone but if they don't check all the points of your list and think exactly as you even on things like pineapple on pizza, you kinda tell yourself "No, this is not a good person for me". But people are just people: they can have a trait that annoys us and we can still love them anyway. You need to learn on what you can compromise out of your values. Be a little more accepting and welcoming. If you don't let your guard down a little, nobody will dare to climb the walls you have buildt around you and will leave. Let's suppose you like someone and you'd like to know them better: would you like to have to do all the work by yourself? Come up with what to ask, where to go, and maybe not get any answer or reaction... it'd feel like they don't care and you're talking to a wall and wasting time, right? I'm sure this behaviour you have picked up originates from a trauma of some kind, so I hope you can find out how to deal with it and heal it, at least a bit. Step by step, slowly but with determination. Be kind with yourself if you fall back into that habit here and there on your path, it's fine. It's not something one stops doing in a day or a couple of months. Give yourself (and others) time. You immediately close off to others the moment you feel "betrayed" cause they say something you don't agree with... give them time to show you who they are for real and don't take it all so personally. It doesn't have to be all about you (not in a bad way, you may feel attacked by random comments/ideas cause you feel unsafe/don't agree and fear being pushed into the person's "dislike"-box. So you dislike them first to avoid that... but that's unnecessary). People do like you, they think very well of you all the times ("you're interesting"); but you need to stop worrying about their judgement and not scare them away cause of your fear of letting them in. Let in also people you may find different from you and may "trigger" you. You don't have to become close friends or have a romantic relationship with them (nor with anyone entering your life even just by chance), you can just have a chat and learn to be more open and accepting of other povs and thoughts (nobody is here to change yours, unless you feel the need to for yourself).

song: bravado | lorde

[sindar-princeling]

I truly and deeply love Eowyn because she's angry, bitter and can be genuinely cold when we meet her - and she's only 24! already she's changed by this war, by the loss of her parents, by the long period of her life where she had no parental figure because Theoden was battling his own depression, and by Grima being a creep. Tolkien's young characters go to war and are changed by it, like Pippin, like Sam, who is still quite a young hobbit (he's 39, and they come of age at 33), but not her - she is already deep in grim thoughts about dying for honour, cheerless, cold.

I don't like comparing all Tolkien women to one another because they are quite different from each other and comparing them just because they're women often feels reductive because they serve vastly different roles in the story, but when you're considering how he presents femininity, it's necessary to do so. so far we've met Lobelia, Mrs. Maggot, Goldberry, Arwen, Galadriel and Eowyn (Rosie was only mentioned as far as i remember?). hobbit women we meet while we are still at home, and they fit right into the homey atmosphere of the shire, in which characters are often presented playfully, or have one defining trait (think about the characters we only know from notes attached to bilbo's "gifts"). further from home, we meet goldberry, arwen and galadriel, who are old, fair, good, beautiful. each of them is different (and galadriel especially has a dark, flawed part of her we can see), but with the women meet on the journey, further from home, a pattern starts to emerge - they come from a different time, from a different world, and even with all their fairness and kindness they can at times feel distant, out of reach.

and then!! eowyn comes into the picture, and- she could be you. she could be me. she's not only complex, but also within reach. she's not a gentle or joyful presence, she's not a powerful ancient force, she doesn't come bearing gifts for everyone - she's so full of negative emotions and pain which she needs to heal from, she's so young and already feels like an old, weary soul.

and it's not to say one kind of character is better than the other, or more complex or anything, because that's exactly the reductive way of looking at those women that I don't like seeing in discussions. ultimately, they are all just different people. but the introduction of eowyn broadens the spectrum of femininity shown in LOTR, and while it's still not exactly wide, it's a bit wider than it was before.

[thisismeracing]

The phantom of miscommunication | LH44

― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x black!plussize!reader (she/her) ― Word count: 1.8k ― Warnings: not proofread; suggestive content; angst with a happy ending; mentions of an argument. Minors DNI! ― Summary: Dating a professional athlete is hard, and it’s even harder when you are famous too, and your schedules just keep crashing. how will their love beat their insecurities?  ― A/n: I took forever to finish this request, but I hope the waiting was worth it and I did the request justice 🤍.

⁕ Based on this request. ⁕ my masterlist and my taglist ⁕ you can support my writing by reblogging, and leaving a comment (don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece)

You often hear about loving someone being easy and natural, a fall that you would pray the other catch you from. Turns out, as Yn discovered with Lewis, it feels natural, and she’s sure he’ll be there to catch her if she falls, but easy? Love wasn’t that easy. Or life was hard with it. 

That’s at least how it feels for her while she finishes getting ready for the last performance of her Broadway play. Alone. She’s ditching her favorite dress because it reminds her of Lewis and how he would look smug whenever she wore it because she would need his help to zip her up. Lewis loved being needed. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that meant he loved to be helpful to those he cherished. Loved to hear their joyful tones while they thanked him, or the warm arms around his body, and in her case, the cold lips against his. 

Lewis loved loudly. 

Maybe that’s why they ended up fighting that last week. Because if he loved being helpful and seeing others happy, how could he not cancel a meeting to watch her finish the play she spent months traveling around overseas? 

Yn loved silently.

It was as if she liked to feel him slide beside her in bed at night, rather than hear the noise of the door closing, and knowing he would be there. The silence that led to the moment was deeply appreciated by her. And her love somehow worked similarly. She wouldn’t ask more than twice for something she wanted, something important, something someone who loves her should know. To her, it was enough her dad showed up, he didn’t need to tell her she did a great job, no words of affirmation or bouquet of flowers and gifts whatsoever. Just their presence. And that was what Yn was expecting from Lewis: his presence. 

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she quickly wiped it before grabbing her bag and keys and leaving her house, making her way to one of her favorite cafes. There was something so unique, it mundane on finishing her tour home. Just minutes away from the house she shared with Lewis. A quick walk to her favorite café. The view of a grey, yet very beautiful London being her company. 

Yn goes about her day doing most things on the automatic mode. Sometimes, she would think about how she always dreamt of this day when she was just younger. Starting on Broadway as a black girl was a hard task, that, in her case, was two times harder because she was also a plus-size actress. Some of the producers would reduce her to her weight, her skin tone, or just about anything, but her talent. She had to prove herself over and over until she finally became a phenomenon in the country and then, years ahead, she started to have a significant international impact. That’s when she met Lewis. She had traced most of her career, she had a name, and so did he, and maybe that was the first thing that brought them closer: the fact that it seemed as if everyone was attentively watching over them not because they wanted to appreciate the work they put on, but because they needed them to do something wrong, anything wrong, just so this wrongdoing could be talked about more than the rights.

It was hard. 

And having Lewis there to share this burden made it a bit lighter. 

Having him there to love her, and recognize her more than anyone ever would, was heartwarming. Being someone else’s first pick felt amazing. And though the ups and downs of their careers existed, they always faced it together. Just like they shared their victories together too. That’s why it felt so wrong not having him on her Musical ending show. He shared the struggles of her waking up early, and going late to bed just so she could grab each emotion needed, and memorize all the lines. She was the leading actress. The main start. Yet, she missed having him be illuminated by her light. 

Truth is, Yn felt sad without Lewis, not that her happiness depended on him showing up, but they had created those small traditions. He would always be on the final stops of her shows. She would always make it to his most expected races. 

As the saying goes, a dream you dream by yourself is just a dream, but a shared one is a reality.  It’s hard to create a reality while in a long-distance, or mostly long-distance, relationship. You gotta be ten times more attentive and understanding. So when Lewis told her he had to make it to an interview before preparing for his race weekend without even waiting for her response, it did not feel like an understanding relationship, he, for the first time, did not seem attentive. And that hurt.

“But, love, why can’t you reschedule your interview for Friday after free practice? Or maybe even Saturday after qualy?” Yn asked, a pout on her lips, while Lewis was finishing packing his suitcase. 

He sighed, “You know very well the rush after those two, Yn.”

Fair enough, “Well, then do it online! That way you could do it right before my play, and then come to the Teather after. It’s not that far from our house, you sure can make it.” She was full of solutions, to a problem that felt like Lewis himself created.

When his eyes found hers, determination written all over it, he didn’t even have to open his lips and tell her an audible “no”, she already knew, so she tried to practice healthy communication. “Look, Lew, it’s just that this is our last stop and they were okay with it being in London when most of the time it happens somewhere in the USA. You know how this city is important to me, and this play, it’s just- I can’t help but feel like you’ve been lacking in terms of support lately.”

The British finally stopped packing, dropping his shirt inside the suitcase, and leaving with a quick glance towards Yn, mumbling how he didn’t want to fight. 

“But I want you to fight with me. Fight for me!” She trailed behind him, stopping at the entrance of the kitchen. 

“Well, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Yn!” he snapped, and before he could apologize or backtrack she nodded, leaving the room. Love should never feel forced. She shouldn’t have to ask for it. 

The door slammed behind her as she made her way to the Teather to bury her head in work, sweat the hurt away, dance, and sing until the energy made her feel comfort. 

“Yn?” one of her colleagues asked, snapping Yn out of her memories. “They’re calling us for one last rehearsal before the show.”

She nodded and glanced at her phone, hoping to see a message, either an apology or a good luck one, anything that showed that he remembered, but there was nothing. Her shoulders slumped lightly and she made her way to the stage, the audience still deserved the best ending show, she deserved the best ending show. 

So that was exactly what happened: Yn shined along with the whole crew. They sang, danced, smiled, and even cried after the curtains opened to an outstanding ovation from the audience. That’s when Yn’s eyes found his, right on the front row, a bouquet of flowers on his seat, one of his shy grins, while he stood clapping the most beautiful performance he had ever seen Yn deliver.

Lewis was there.

Lewis wasn’t in an interview on the other side of the world.

He was standing there.

Smiling.

Clapping.

Proudly watching. 

And when her lips quirked up slightly he nodded as if knowing they still had to talk, but for now, he took the right decision.

When the curtains closed again and Yn made the walk to her dressing room, she wasn’t surprised to find Lewis there, “hey,” she said, closing the door behind her and staying glued to the wooden.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Lewis started. “Look, I’m-”

“Can we save all the headaches and solutions for when we get home?” She suggested, still a bit breathless from the play. “That is if you’re coming home tonight. Or are you flying to do the interview late?” 

There was a  sad smile on Lewis's plush lips, “I’m home, with you.” 

A breath of fresh air got into Lewis’ lungs when he noticed her shoulders relax with the news. She was relieved he would be home. She was happy to have him around. It wasn’t too late. 

“And I agree on saving the deep talk to when we get home, but I want to say I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t support you or love you enough to reschedule and work my way around my things. You’re my treasure, love. And I’ve been lacking lately, I’ve been stressed, and with my head all over the place, but I’ll get better. I promise,” and a Hamilton promise would always come true. You could count on that. 

Yn bit her lips, trying to hold back the tears, but they fell around her face like waterfalls just the same, and Lewis was in front of her in the blink of an eye, fingers brushing the wet splotches, lips kissing her delicate skin. 

“I’m sorry, I am so so sorry,” he whispered painly.

“I was so terrified we were about to get on a dead-end road. That you would stop showing up for my plays, and-”

“Sweetheart, breathe,” he held her face between his soft palms and Yn tried to even her breath with his. “I’m here, I’m always going to be here. You have my endless support and undying love, you can count on that.” He was a runner, one of the fastest drivers on the grid, but he could never run away from her and what she made him feel. What he could do was beat the phantom of miscommunication to the finishing line, get there first, say he’s sorry before it’s too late, and work so that this ghost won’t ever bother their relationship again. 

Yn nodded, gulping a bit more of air, and finally crashing her body on his in a tight hug. Lewis kissed her hair and found her lips with his, tasting their own tears and love. Yn mumbled how sorry she was for not being patient enough, and Lewis shook his head, kissing her again.

“I’m the sorry one, and I’m gonna make it up to it,” he explained. 

Yn arched her brows, looking into his honey eyes, “I know just the way you can express how sorry you are,” she smirked, undoing the bow for her white dress and making it cascade around her ankles. 

And Lewis did exactly that. 

He whispered apologies and love promises in her ear, the sound of a symphony with her body banging against the door. That was their private play. Their favorite one. 

― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hiii!! I hope you guys liked it! I hope your Friday is amazing! Don't forget to reblog and leave me a comment if you can, it means a lot and it usually inspires me to write more *mwah*

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[balioc]

Thoughts on the Barbie Movie

Hoo boy. Here we go.

This is long. Spoilers abound.

I

The movie is not, in any normal sense, a Barbie movie (like this or this or this or whatever). It is not a story of Barbie doing the kinds of things that Barbie does in stories. It is an endlessly postmodern and self-referential movie about Barbie, which is to say, about the Barbie franchise and its role in culture. Which is, at least plausibly, an interesting thing for a movie to be.

You probably knew all that already. But it does give us a baseline of "this movie kind of had to be political and discourse-y, one way or another." Or even, to be more specific: "to some large extent this movie had to be about feminism, explicitly, if it was going to exist at all." How could you talk meaningfully about Barbie's role in culture without touching on that stuff?

II

The evaluative TLDR:

Barbie is very ambitious, and in many places very fun. It is also deeply confused, and fragmented, about what it's trying to say and do. Often it raises genuinely interested problems/scenarios and then totally fails to address them, or else addresses them in ways that are incoherent. The text knows that it's doing this, and on several occasions kind of apologizes for it; a couple of times it more or less looks into the camera and says "sorry, we're not going to deal with this properly;" but, well, that's not a substitute for dealing with things properly.

There is also a streak of genuine political nastiness running through the film, in a place where the story really cannot afford it. It...doesn't match up, tonally or thematically, with some of the surrounding material. I have no background at all in cinematic stratigraphy, but I would be fascinated to learn about Barbie's editorial history, because I have the vague sense that a more-cogent (and more-interesting) story got hacked apart and then Frankensteined together into something much cheaper and worse.

III

The opening sequence of the movie is wild. You've seen most of it -- or you can, if you haven't, and you want to -- because it is the film's first teaser trailer. Girls are playing listlessly with baby dolls; a giant Barbie appears like the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey; and then the girls enter a frenzy of destruction, bashing their baby dolls' heads against the ground.

I don't know whether I would have found it as disturbing as I did, if I didn't actually have a baby of my own. But speaking from the standpoint of a parent...yeah, wow, it's more viscerally horrific than most actual horror I've seen recently. The narration says some stuff about Barbie providing a new and more rewarding set of imagination games to play, but the visuals by themselves tell a message loud and clear, which is: Barbie will turn your daughters into infanticidal maenads. It wouldn't need any editing at all to be part of a shock-you-silly Reefer-Madness-y moral panic film.

Which is really good! And really interesting! It starts us off on an undeniable thematic note: there is something primal and powerful and very dangerous about Barbie.

IV

The very best part of the movie is probably the part that comes right after the opening, when we explore the movie's depiction of "Barbieland" by going through Barbie's Typical Day, before we get into any of the notional plot or metaphysics. It's joyful and charming in a consistent way. The gags are (mostly) great. The movie is in love with its base premise, and that love is palpable.

This sequence makes one thing very clear:

Barbie treats Ken like absolute dogshit. She is a bad girlfriend.

And it's taken seriously. I mean, it's played for laughs, almost everything in this movie is played for laughs, but...it's not mean-spirited, not here. It's not, like, "ha ha, Ken, what a contemptible loser." He's Pierrot, asking for very basic forms of affection and attention and respect, and getting the door slammed in his face over and over. It's honestly kind of heartbreaking.

That colors everything that comes later.

The movie doesn't forget this, or fail to acknowledge it. At the end, after everything, Barbie does apologize to Ken for her treatment of him. It's a halfhearted and supremely unsatisfying kind of apology, especially in context, but...it's there, in so many words! I'm not making it up! This thematic foundation was laid down, not-very-subtly, right at the beginning!

V

This movie, which is at least trying to be ambitious, is juggling a million themes. Many of them are dumb at their core, and have no real promise; many of them lack any kind of narrative synergy with the others. But there are at least two which, I believe, (a) are genuinely worthwhile individually and (b) work well together in a story.

One is: What does it mean to be a symbol rather than a person? To exist, not for your own sake, but for the sake of influencing the dreams and culture of entities that you don't know and can't really understand?

The other is: What is the proper ordering of the relationship between Barbie and Ken?

I've seen a number of Takes in which people say, essentially: Couldn't this have ended with the Barbies and the Kens just being decent to each other and treating each other like humans? Couldn't there have been equality and mutual respect, instead of the weird uncomfortable girlboss-supremacist stuff that we got? And I sympathize with that impulse tremendously, but the honest answer has to be: No. We cannot have simple equality and esteem between Barbie and Ken, not in a movie like this. That would be a lie. Because this is a movie about Barbie-as-symbol, and when you're looking at Barbie through that lens, it is true and unavoidable that Ken is an appendage and an afterthought. You can have toys for boys; you can have dolls for boys (even if you call them "action figures" or whatever); for that matter, you can have dolls of boys for girls, so that girls can tell stories centering on male characters; but that's not what Ken is, and never has been. There are no Ken stories, and no one particularly wants them. Ken exists to be Barbie's boyfriend.

(One of the most painful moments of the movie comes during the resolution wrapup. Ken wails to Barbie that he has no identity outside her. She says, basically, "you have to find one, because I'm leaving you." And he...acts like he's had an epiphany, and does a little silly celebration. But his "insight" is just literally "I'm Ken," there's absolutely nothing there, and of course it's the most hollow and awful thing in the world because he really does have no identity outside her.)

VI

The movie's metaphysics are not even slightly consistent. The nature of Barbieland, and the ways that it affects and is affected by the real world, are completely different in every scene. In large part because the film can't ever pass up a gag, whether or not it's funny, no matter how much damage it does to the narrative and the theming overall.

The worst part is that the movie is not capable of saying anything remotely coherent about the real world, because its version of the "real world" is as weird and fake as its Barbieland. Will Ferrell's CEO of Mattel character is more of an absurd cartoon than any of the Barbies or Kens. Mattel HQ is some kind of surreal labyrinth tower out of The Matrix. A random receptionist can handle herself like James Bond in a car chase, for reasons that are [handwaved in a gag].

VII

So. Yes. There is the sequence in the third act where Ken takes over Barbieland with the power of patriarchy. This is pretty much as bad as it can be. And I say this as someone who thinks that the movie probably did actually need a plot thread doing roughly that kind of thing.

Almost as bad as it can be. The wannabe-patriarch Kens are gleefully goofy in a way that you can't help but love, or at least, I couldn't help but love it. Which has something to do with the writing and something to do with the charisma of all the Ken actors. The main Ken, Ryan Gosling's Ken, really seems to believe that being a successful patriarch has a lot to do with riding majestic horses and wearing a giant fur coat without a shirt, and when he takes over Barbie's Dream House he names it Ken's Mojo Dojo Casa House -- that kind of thing.

But. Apart from that, it's real unfortunate. The justification for Ken's ability to conquer Barbieland with patriarchy, instantly and effortlessly, is -- in almost so many words -- they had no defenses against it, it was like the American Indians encountering smallpox. I...don't think I need to spell out the problems with that.

Worse yet, the whole sequence is soaked in, uh, let's call it "2014-era upper-middle-class social-status-oriented feminism." The real bad behavior on the part of the Kens, the stuff they do when they're not being adorably weird, is: mansplaining their extensive opinions about cars and movies, and wanting to show off how helpful and knowledgeable they are to "damsels" who are having trouble using machines or computers. Apparently that's the real problem at hand, the causus belli of the gender wars. The way that you deprogram a patriarchy-brainwashed Barbie is by...ranting to her about the stereotypical social irritations of upper-middle-class women (e.g. "you have to keep yourself thin but not act like you care about being thin," "you have to be a confident leader but also be nurturing and supportive," etc.) [note that the Barbies of Barbieland have never encountered these irritations, at least not at the hands of men]. And the girlboss victory montage consists of having the Barbies put on deceptive manipulative bimbo acts to stroke the Kens' egos, which sure is one way to depict girlboss feminist victory.

But the most unforgivable thing of all is the depiction of the patriarchy-brainwashed Barbies. They're lad-magazine caricatures, endlessly offering their Kens "brewski beers," dressing up as French maids, gazing on in cow-eyed adoration as their Kens mansplain stuff to them.

Barbie does, in fact, have a problematic history with the patriarchy. And it does not look like that.

VIII

@brazenautomaton:

Barbie isn’t someone who had to fight through the patriarchy to be seen as good enough to be an astronaut even though she’s a woman. Barbie’s a fucking astronaut because she’s fucking Barbie of course she’s good enough to be an astronaut.

That is...one aspect of the deep Barbie lore. It is the Barbie-nature that Mattel was trying to push, as far back as my own childhood; it's certainly the Barbie-nature that Mattel is trying to push in this movie. But there is another side to Barbie, even older and even more fundamental than Senator Astronaut Veterinarian Barbie, and you can't make a postmodern movie-about-Barbie without addressing it.

This is Barbie the fashion doll. The Barbie who is an icon of ultra-consumerist teenage girlhood, whose life is defined by her fancy clothes and her fancy car. The Barbie whose most salient traits are her hourglass figure and her long blonde hair and her feet that are always posed to fit into high heels. The Barbie of "math class is tough!" The Barbie who is kinda vapid and shallow and, yes, boy-crazy.

How can you tell a story about Barbie wrestling with the culture of patriarchy, and not talk about that? How can you depict Barbie falling victim to the patriarchy and have it look nothing like that?

...the movie does bring up the specter of Vapid Consumerist Barbie, briefly. When Margot Robbie's Barbie first comes to the real world and meets with the sullen teenage daughter character, she has a litany of That Thing thrown in her face, and it makes her sad. But nothing is ever done with it, and it goes nowhere.

IX

And it could all have fit together so well. That's the hell of it.

You can imagine the version of the story in which Ken conquers Barbieland with patriarchy, because the Barbies are actually vulnerable to patriarchal narratives, because Vapid Consumerist Barbie is the chthonic serpent that gnaws at the foundations of Senator Astronaut Veterinarian Barbie civilization. He successfully makes them all forget that they're senators and astronauts and veterinarians, and turns them into airheaded teenage fashionistas who think that math class is tough.

And this avails him, and the other Kens, nothing. Even within the "patriarchal" version of Barbieland, Ken is still an afterthought and an appendage. He still gets treated like dogshit, just in a different idiom.

Because the thing that has always been true of Barbie, though every age and every phase of her mythos, is: she is the main character of her own story.

This is what the movie was telling us all the way back in the horrific 2001-pastiche prologue, right? Even when Barbie was just a swimsuit model, the point was that she let girls tell stories about themselves (or idealized/aspirational versions of themselves), not about boys or babies. That is a truer, and more powerful, feminist message about the meaning of Barbie than any message the movie actually bothers conveying.

The gag scene practically writes itself: the brainwashed Barbies are sitting around in a giggly slumber-party huddle talking about how dreamy Ken is, and actual Ken cannot get a word in edgewise, he can't even get them to notice he's there, because even Vapid Consumerist Barbie is fundamentally centered in her own life. Her narrative is not about a boy, it's about the experience of being a girl (mostly engaging with other girls) who likes thinking and talking about boys. Which is very much beside the point, if you started out with the complaint that your girlfriend never paid any attention to you.

Patriarchy hurts men too, indeed.

X

The movie ends, as I've intimated, in a disappointing squidge of thematic confusion. Barbie announces that she never really loved Ken, and leaves him, because...well, because these days the smart-set target audience is allergic to romantic narratives that Produce the Couple, as far as I can tell. Then she goes to the real world and becomes a real girl, a move that means nothing and is nonsensical even by the standards of the Barbie metaphysics, because the storytellers don't know how to end her arc and Becoming a Real Girl is the sort of thing that feels like a meaningful conclusion.

The Kens...sigh...the Kens ask for equal rights in Barbieland, more or less, and get told, "nah, but we'll throw you some bones." And they're happy with this, more or less, because they're dumb and don't really care. The narrator says, approximately, "maybe someday they'll make as much progress as women have in the real world." Haw haw.

It's probably too much to hope for a movie like this to be willing to say something substantive about responsibility and kindness in relationships. It's almost certainly too much to hope for a movie like this to be willing to say something about the nature of love symbols and love narratives. But all the pieces really were there, laid out very conspicuously. The movie could have wrapped up with: Ken doesn't need to be more important than Barbie, he doesn't even need to be as important as Barbie, he just needs to be treated with human decency. And if little girls are going to play with Barbies, and fantasize about having cute guys hanging all over them -- maybe they should have functional models of romance and human connection in which to root their fantasies, and not terrible ones.

[fieldofdaisiies]

Feyre's Day Out

Bat Boys and Nyx type: fluff word count: 1,4k warnings: none summary: Rhys, Cass and Az are tasked with taking care of Nyx

Slightly out of breath from all the playing and running around, Rhysand, his shirt unbuttoned, sweat glazing his forehead, is trying to warm up some food for his little son. He knows he could ask Nuala and Cerridwen to do it, but he is the father of Nyx, he wants to do it himself. 

And warming up baby food, is truly not that of a big task. He braces his hands on the kitchen counter, inhaling deeply, the happy noises his baby boy makes reaching his ears. He has to smile, his heart always warming at the little baby sounds the heir to the Night Court makes. 

Rhysand's gaze is trained on the window, and for a moment he lets himself think of Feyre. 

Feyre who is finally enjoying a little bit of freedom and alone time. The High Lady is finally going out with her sisters and Mor again, enjoying a day just for herself without having to deal with full diapers and baby tantrums. 

Rhysand leans his head back, and releases a long breath. 

In this moment, he might be a tiny bit relieved to catch a short break from all the running around and playing, knowing Nyx is in good hands with his uncles. 

And he really is. 

Cassian, his shirt also unbuttoned as he is sweating just as much as the High Lord, is frantically chasing after the little baby boy who figured out to run quite fast on such tiny feet. 

Azriel just like his brother is also chasing little Nyx from the other side, both hoping to catch the little baby before he falls onto the hard ground and hurts himself. 

In their running, both Azriel and Cassian have probably already knocked over two vases and nearly tripped over the cushions from the couch that are somehow discarded all of the floor and the carpet. 

The three males are in charge of the lovely, delightful heir to the Night Court. A task that seemed so simple when they agreed. The little boy is a true sunshine. But he also has a kernel of mischief inside of him. 

Nyx is having a blast, cherishing every moment with his uncles and his father. He is squealing, babbling, giggling loudly while his uncles, panting but also laughing, chase after him through the living room. His little wings flap happily behind his back, his tiny feet padding over the ground. 

They have been playing for hours, technically since Feyre left.

The little boy's eyes sparkle with excitement when he comes to a quick halt, his gaze moving to his father who steps into the room with a bowl in his hand. 

Cassian and Azriel nearly bump into each other, but can catch themselves in the last second, Azriel only bumping into Cassian's outstretched hands. 

"If you want to hug me so badly, Az, you only have to ask," Cassian chuckles, and pats his brother who fights the urge to roll his eyes. But Azriel also has to laugh a little, and can finally release a breath, now that the running has come to an end. 

Rhysand crouches down, opens his arms for his little boy so he can cradle him to his chest. And Nyx, without any conversation passing between them, does exactly this. He climbs into his father's arms, or rather arm, as Rhysand is still holding the bowl, and lets himself carry to the table. 

The High Lord sits his son down on his lap, the bowl in front of them on the table and soon also Azriel and Cassian join them.

"The little champ is already quite fast on his little legs," Cassian expresses, grinning at the little toddler on Rhysand's lap. 

Nyx giggles, babbling happily. "Da, da!" he cheers, before his gaze quickly moves to the spoon Rhys dips into the bowl. He lifts to the spoon to Nyx's mouth and the boy eats. Eating is never a problem, and generally Feyre and Rhys are more than fortunate to have little Nyx as their son. He truly is a sunshine, and except for the normal and occasional baby tantrums, he is the sweetest little bean parents can hope for. 

But the little Night Court heir is not just a bundle of joyful giggles and delighted smiles and lovely baby noises, he is also slightly mischievous, something Rhysand says, Nyx definitely got from his mother. 

And Feyre would always gently smack his arm when he says something like this.

Soon after he is done eating, he starts to wiggle, signalling his father that he wants to play again. Or run. His eyes twinkle when he sets out again, happily hopping over the ground, wings once again flapping behind his little shoulders. "I can't wait for the day he learns to fly," Azriel expresses, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

"Thank the Cauldron you will be tasked with teaching him how to fly, Az." Cassian turns to his brother, a mischievous grin on his lips. "It will be a delight."

Azriel wants show his brother a vulgar gesture, but he knows better than to do this in front of a little child who picks up everything, so he decides against it, and just flashes his brother a fake smile. And just a moment later the three males join little Nyx in his shenanigans again.

The play catch with a ball, they build towers, they play with the little wooden swords, and Nyx is also running a lot again, and so are Az, Cass, and Rhys. Nyx is a little whirlwind of excitement and happiness, his joyful giggles echoing throughout the whole living room.

Cassian catches the little boy in his arms, throws him up in the air, catches him again and cuddles him to his chest. Nyx squeals and babbles, giggling loudly at his uncle. At first Cassian laughs as well, but suddenly his expression changes, and the general wrinkles his nose. He sniffs the air around him and his eyes widen a little. 

"Ahm…Rhysie, urgent diaper business is calling." Cassian saunters over to his brother to hand over the baby boy, but Rhys keeps his arms crossed in front of his chest, smirking. 

"Maybe you should also finally start to learn to do it, you know, to be ready for when you have a little babe." 

"He has a point," Azriel supports the High Lord, smirking as well. His payback for earlier.

But Cassian shakes his head, handing little Nyx who is already stretching out his hands to his father to Rhys who finally has to give in. "Not yet, Rhysie, I will learn soon enough and will change too many diapers then. For now, this very full one is absolutely and completely yours." 

The general chuckles amusedly, and lets himself fall onto the couch. 

Azriel joins him soon, stretching arms and legs from his body, and leans his head back against the backrest of the couch. 

"Have fun!" Cassian calls after the High Lord, a teasing tone in his voice and Azriel can only shake his head next to him. 

Not even diaper changing causes a lot of trouble, and so Rhys and Nyx who is now much calmer return soon. With the little boy on his arms Rhysand also sits down on the couch.

Night is beginning to settle upon Velaris, the moon already bright in the night sky outside. 

Rhysand sighs when he leans back, Nyx snuggling against his chest. 

The night also seemingly fills the room, they start to yawn, their conversations turning calmer and slower until all of them start to drift off. 

When Feyre steps into the room some time later, she wants to ask how their day has been, but she does not gets a chance to do so. She is greeted not only by chaos and a huge mess, but also by the heartwarming sight of her son and the three most powerful Night Court males, sprawled out on the couch, all four of them in a deep slumber. One of Rhysand's arms, the one he doesn't have wrapped around Nyx rests on the back of the couch, his head tilted slightly to the side. Nyx his sleeping on her mate's chest, his steady breaths creating a sweet sound that is only interrupted by Cassian snores. The general's head is resting on the shadowsinger's shoulder. Azriel's scarred hand dangles off the edge of the couch, his feet placed on the couch table, legs crossed at the ankles, head tipped back, mouth open.

There is smile on Nyx's face, a reminder of the joyful day the head and the happiness he is feeling, even obvious in his sleep. 

"Males," Feyre whispers, and moves her hand over her mouth. It is a sight for sore eyes and she knows she will paint this at the first chance she gets. 

~~~~~~~~~ tags: @girlinglass999@autumndreaming7 @brekkershadowsinger

[sunstaar]

Baby Blues

Giyū Tomioka x afab!Reader

Word Count: 1,2k

Ao3

Warning: mentions of pregnancy

Summary: You are pregnant and yet to tell your husband.

Your husband Tomioka Giyū had always been a stoic and reserved individual, a man who wore his heart on his sleeve but never dared to show it to anyone, anyone but you, that is. Behind his gorgeous blue eyes lay more sorrow than you could understand on some days, self-doubts you were always there to reassure him of were not true and a heart deserving of more love than he could ever imagine.

It was only natural that you did not want to cause your husband any more worry. You loved him dearly, after all, and only wanted what you thought was best for Giyū. With the two of you having gotten married some time ago, you thought that your husband had enough to worry about as is, but with a child on the way, his stress would only increase.

Right, a child. You had almost forgotten already. The reason why your own worries were gnawing at your nerves in the first place, tugging at your heartstrings as you mulled over the many different ways your situation could turn out. 

You were pregnant and had yet to tell your husband.

In the romance novels you have read during your serene time alone, the part where the wife informed her husband of her pregnancy always seemed to happen so smoothly. The women in the novels always knew what to say, never stumbled over their words or emotions as they delivered the news. What followed were bellows of joy, many kisses and a celebration of the new life beginning, a new future starting.

When the characters written on the pages did it, it seemed so easy. But you weren’t a character on said pages, you were a woman living during times when your life could be cut short so quickly. There was no author writing your perfect little romance and happy ending, you had to fight for your own happy ending, for your own survival. Your fate was not planned out bit by bit, it was yet to be decided, and that scared you deeply.

How would Giyū react to the news?

You liked to think that you knew your husband very well, you wouldn’t have gotten married to him if you didn’t. The foundation to a healthy and successful marriage was trust, knowledge, and above all: love (or so you had been taught). And you also knew that your husband loved you very much, there was no doubt there that he did.

Giyū was not a man to proclaim his love in over-the-top ways by screaming it out to the world, by letting it be known by anyone and everyone. His love was quiet and reserved, just like he was. His kisses were gentle and soft, but filled with so much emotion as he pulled your body flush to his, heat rising to his pale cheeks.

You loved him as much as he loved you, and the other way around. And yet, you couldn’t predict his reaction. Would he be excited? Joyful? Or scared and fester his doubts in quiet, not daring to share them with you unless you begged him to do so, your own worries about him consuming you?

No matter how many sleepless nights you spent thinking about the possible outcomes, feeling his warm body pressed to yours, his strong arms pulling you close and holding onto you tightly, you still didn’t know which outcome was the most probable. 

For the first time ever since the two of you got married, you felt like you didn’t know your husband. In your decision-making, you felt so … alone. You had been so used to making decisions alongside your dear husband, consulting him the same way he consulted you, that making such a tough decision was anything but easy for you.

And it didn’t help either that the front door swung open as you were sitting on the ebony rocking chair in the living room, too deep into your doubts and mindlessly pulling at the strings of the ruby-red scarf you wanted to fix. In the doorway stood Giyū, looking battered from his latest mission, as he took off his shoes and outside gear before greeting you.

As soon as he got a good look at you, however, he stopped completely. You seemed nervous and fidgety, not anything like the woman he had married. Around your fingers, the red thread wandered and Giyū watched with curiosity in his gaze as you pulled at the already ripped scarf more and more, pulling it apart at the seams.

Your behaviour was unlike you, Giyū thought, noting how you didn’t even greet him back, as you always did. One look at you was enough to determine that something was wrong.

“Did something happen, darling?”

Your head snapped up to look at him, obviously startled by his question. “Giyū- I-” You breathed in, doing your best at calming your racing heart. “No, no, everything is fine. I’m fine.”

His brows knit into a furrow. He stepped closer to you, his blue eyes raking over your body to check for any injuries. “Are you sure that everything is okay?”

He clearly knew you too well, because when you shook your head, Giyū did not show signs of surprise.

You couldn’t keep this a secret any longer, it wasn’t fair to you or Giyū. Worry shone in his eyes as he looked at you, the thing you so desperately tried to keep away from him.

So, you took a deep breath and said, “There’s something I have to tell you,” You could see his concern for you grow and his posture tense up, the man before you suck in a breath. His heart rate quickened as he anticipated your answer, a million possibilities running through his mind. With your voice barely above a whisper, you continued, “I’m pregnant.”

Your husband had always been a man of few words, but as he stood opposite you completely speechless, your worries only increased.

“Giyū?” Your voice came out as a cry, tears welling up in your eyes. Abruptly, you stood up from the chair, allowing the scarf to drop to your feet. “Say something, please!”

Giyū was stunned, his mouth hanging slightly open, but no words coming out. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and for a short moment, he doubted that he had understood you correctly. Joy, excitement, fear and uncertainty flooded through him, he felt overwhelmed by the news, his brain circuiting as he processed what you just told him.

You’re pregnant. He’s going to be a father.

Tears welled in his eyes as he whispered, “Are you sure?”

You nodded, feeling tongue-tied. “Shinobu-san was kind enough to confirm it for me.”

He walked over to you and took you into his arms, carefully holding your body flush to his. “That’s wonderful, darling.”

A choked sob escaped your lips, your pent-up emotions releasing. All that worrying you had done had been for nothing. “Really?”

“Really.”

You took his face into your hands, softly cradling it. Your thumb moved across his cheek, caressing the skin and wiping the tears away that fell from his beautiful blue eyes. “Oh, Giyū …” Another sob wracked through you. “I love you so much.”

Giyū smiled at you. “I love you too, my darling,” His hand rested on your hips, holding you close. “And no matter what, I’m always going to be here for you, you hear me?”Neither of you could wait to start your new chapter as a family together.

[lyomeii]

a darling not loving him anymore

->warnings: yandere themes, death mention, reader is at first blind loving this man, angst, comfort(?)

-> request by anon! We don't get enough of Claude(From WMMAP) so here's the scenario I've been thinking for awhile. Reader is someone that's a daughter from a high positioned noble who wanted his love more than anything. (This happened after diana died) The reader doesn't care that he killed someone, she just wanted his love! But after seeing that Claude hated her guts, she left and found a sweet and loving fiancé. Now when she left, Claude felt something, Emptiness.. Now his obsession kinda grew..

->a/n: uhhhhhhhh! love that idea anon ;) seeing this type of tropes always bring myself up and not to mention how satisfactory is too see the male character fall in love with the mc after she leave him! AHHH! sorry, just to anxious and happily to write it ;) also no more posting til Monday since i be doing tests and then playing overwatch

-> the news of the emperor getting married reach the nobles and public ears, both surprised of such event since his lovers death years ago, so that made many people curious to find out who is the luck person to marry the emperor

-> and that person is you, a daughter one of the greatest general the empire, know as a sweet woman who deeply care about everyone and is often seen helping those in need, a unexpected but perfect match to Claude, yet he doesn’t see that way

-> he only married you for two obviously reason, your father asked him to do that in order to protect his precious daughter from older men praying in you and the other one is the amount of the people irritating him to get married to a noble lady, so yeah, he doesn’t see you in the same way you see him

-> the way your eyes almost become a heart shaped when he is in your view, your hugs when you are both alone, the beautiful robes you gave him in honor to his first love and spending time with his daughter to get know them better

-> to the servants at the palace is easily noticeable how deep is your love toward Claude and Anathasia, yet they also noticed how the emperor doesn’t really care about your presence at the palace, in fact, in recently times, he start to avoid you all costs

-> when you are taking care of Anathasia and asked to a nearby servant to ask Claude to play with his daughter with you, they quickly answer that the emperor is busy with his works, at first, you seem to believe them

-> however, as times goes, you start noticing how you stop seeing your husband anywhere and in those rare cases you manage to catch a glimpse of him, Claude is far away and playing with your stepdaughter, you felt a mixed of feelings

-> at first, you are happy that he is finally spending time with his daughter and he looks joyful! Yet, you feel sad to not be part of it and as much you want to talk about it with your husband, he still ignoring you everyday, and not even letting you spending time with Anathasia anymore

-> without much option to do, you ask Felix about your husband’s actions in the past few days and well, it did open your eyes to realize how Claude feel about you, the knight tried his best to use better words to describe what the emperor feel about you, but the damage was done, you realize that you were nothing to Claude and that will never change

-> feeling horrible, you decided to go into a divorce, as much that sound a terrible end to a noble lady married to the emperor, you finally felt happy, knowing that maybe one day someone will truly love you the same way you loved Claude

-> the last time you had a proper conversation with your ex-husband was the day he signed the divorce and let you go back home with your belonging, speaking how much Anathasia missed you and asked him what will happen to you if you left her

-> even loving the little girl, you said goodbye to the palace, promising to never return to this place and finally going back home, where you cried to yourself to sleep for being such idiot to think that Claude loved you

-> the gossips about the divorce was quickly spread by the commoner, yet many didn’t seem to be angry at the previous empress, some of them told many others how the emperor coldly treat his wife during her time at the palace, others spoken how he ignore her every moment and treated her as a stranger

-> yet, the gossips about the divorce of their emperor were stopped after months when they receive a new that made them happy, the sweet woman, once the empress has finally engaged a man who is consider her the gorgeous woman in the world, the lucky man is none than Rogers Alpheus

-> once again, the empire become festive knowing that the poor noblewoman has finally find her true love, not suffering more pain coming from the cold emperor

-> in the other hand, Claude felt emptiness, with you away from the palace, he though he would become happier with Anathasia, yet he miss your presence

-> your hugs, laughs and smiles, those were what brought joy inside the cold palace, and his daughter was happier when you were live with them, but he only noticed it too late and now you are gone from their life

-> the servants notice his attitude change and all of them knew the reason why, he was invited to you wedding with Duke Alpheus, Rogers gave the invitation himself as a respect, but asked to the blonde not coming since that will bring down your joyful behavior

-> and Claude agreed with the Duke, when the wedding happened, he didn’t participate but he waited in the shadows to see your face after you left the cathedral and was worth it

-> you dressed in the most elegant white dress with a bouquet full of beautiful flowers, and how your expression only show happiness with your new husband standing next to you while the guest congratulate the new couple

-> that’s the opposite of your previous wedding with him, the only person present was the priest who made you two married, the dress you wore was simple and he was wearing his usual clothes, still you were so happy to married him, but now you are marry to that man

-> not for long though, Claude will find his way to the top and bring you back home, where you will spend your life with his and your sweet daughter

@lyomeii stuff || don’t repost

[ctitan98official]

Anonymous: Eating Alcina out because there just isn’t enough content of that in this world

18+ Minors DNI

Heh, hell no there isn’t ;) I’m in love with the idea of Alcina being sexually inexperienced and the reader guiding her through things step by step. This one doesn’t have actual smut in it (Just the lead up to it), But the second part will definitely be smutty, don’t worry. Let’s get into it!

Alcina has always been confident, poised… A pillar of strength and discipline. Always.

… Right?

That’s what she liked to tell herself, at least. But… No one had ever seen her in deeply intimate, shared moments. She hid behind her regal demeanor, guarding her desires and secrets, desperate to keep people from finding out that maybe… She wasn’t really the domineering persona she tried to project.

She… Was actually rather delicate behind closed doors. She needed someone with whom she could be honest, someone who could act as her rock.

Her life was full of constant fights with her siblings, all vying for Mother Miranda’s attention and praise. She was used to putting up her walls, having to fight for every damn thing, and slowly but surely… Becoming trapped under the terrifying reputation she had created.

But… Little did she know that one simple encounter would soon awaken a new side of her. A side that had long remained dormant.

One morning, a stranger arrived at Castle Dimitrescu. They requested to speak to the Lady of the castle in person… A bit of a bold move considering they were showing up unannounced.

A servant quickly found Alcina and told her of her unexpected guest. Alcina quirked an eyebrow in confusion. Who would be brave enough (Or stupid enough) To ask for her like this?

Against her better judgment, and maybe due to the weird hint of excitement she felt at the unsolicited visit, she granted this person an audience with her.

Now, who was the courageous (Perhaps a bit idiotic) Mystery guest insistent on meeting with Lady Alcina Dimitrescu herself?

… None other than you, of course.

Your intuitive eyes regarded Alcina warmly as she approached. She’s even more breathtaking than you imagined. “Good morning, my Lady,” You said with an unknowingly intoxicating grin.

Embarrassingly, Alcina’s first thought after seeing you was about how attractive you were. How shallow. But… She really enjoyed chatting with you. She was delighted to find that you seemed to be a strong, genuine, and gentle soul.

You told her that you were looking for work as either a carpenter or groundskeeper. You informed her that your mother had actually worked at Castle Dimitrescu years ago. She was a servant for a while, attending to Alcina herself.

Alcina was even able to remember your mother’s name and recalled how soothing and joyful she was. You were a spitting image of her.

You went on to say that your mother had always held Alcina in such high regard. Her eyes would sparkle as she looked back on her time at the castle fondly. Ever since hearing those stories as a child, you had longed to serve Alcina and work at Castle Dimitrescu. You knew this was where you belonged.

As you finished your story, your eyes exuded a warmth that beckoned Alcina closer. “So… Would you grant me the honor of working for you, Lady Dimitrescu?” You asked with a soft smile, hoping she would say yes.

In your presence, Alcina felt her walls begin to crumble. She felt… Safe somehow. She couldn’t explain it…

After only seconds of thought, Alcina was able to make her decision. With a huge blush on her cheeks, Alcina did something unheard of.

She offered you a position right on the spot.

Even without seeing your work firsthand… Alcina was a good judge of character and trusted her instincts. Plus… Oh, goodness. Was this the start of a… Crush that she felt? Her face burned even more as she came to the realization. While nothing is as thrilling as the thought of a new crush… She was also terrified. She’d never felt this way about anyone before. You had easily captured her attention and wonder… And she couldn’t help but long for your touch…

Over the next few days, curiosity got the better of Alcina. She found herself drawn to you more and more. She simply couldn’t get you off her mind.

One evening, as she passed by your chamber (Totally not stalking or anything), She felt an inexplicable urge to talk to you. She took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door… Before wishing she hadn’t. Damn, why did she have to be so impulsive! What if she makes a fool of herself?!

“Come in!” You called happily.

Oh, shit. No going back now. Alcina’s heart spluttered as she heard your attractive voice once again. She opened the door timidly.

Your eyes lit up immediately at seeing Alcina. “Lady Dimitrescu! It’s a pleasure!” You grinned.

Alcina tried to shake off her nerves, but… Oh… Wait, this really was a mistake. There you were, sitting by your bed, reading a book… And having the audacity to look irresistible without even trying. The flickering candlelight cast the most intriguing shadows on your face.

You looked at her fondly, catching her gaze with your own.

There it was again. There was… Something in those eyes of yours that made Alcina’s heart skip a beat. Every. Fucking. Time.

Bashful and shy, she couldn’t find the words to speak. So, she approached slowly, her flowing gown whispering across the floor.

You sensed her hesitance and stood up, gracious as ever. With a gentle smile, you invited her to sit beside you.

As Alcina settled next to you, her heart raced with anticipation. She wanted to experience something she had never dared before, and she hoped that you would be the one to guide her.

In the midst of Alcina’s silent musings, you did the unthinkable. You suddenly reached out and caressed her face, brushing the silky strands of hair away from her eyes. “You always look so beautiful, my Lady,” You said quietly, admiring her. You moved closer…

The invitation was clear, and Alcina’s shyness began to melt away. She also felt herself lean in.

Oh…

This was nice…

Note: A cliffhanger? From me?? It’s more likely than you think ;) Don’t worry, Alci will be fully taken care of soon. I assure you!

Masterlist

[spiritualitygeek]

~ PAC: Your Mystical Mosaic ~

Where is your current energy leading you?

Disclaimer:

This pac is for entertainment purpose only. I am not liable for any actions or decisions taken or made based on the information presented in the reading. The interpretations and insights are subjective and open to individual perception. Please use your own judgment and intuition when applying the messages to your life or situation. Thank you!

Pile 1 ~ 🪄

the fool, 9op, aoc

All positive cards for you, Pile 1, which is amazing! I can clearly see you're about to embark on a new journey with a very positive and determined mindset. You're fearlessly diving into new adventures just for the thrill of it, without caring about what others think or even expect out of you. You exude a very warm and gentle energy, like someone who has faced challenges in life but hasn't let them dim their light. Your loving and joyful nature attracts people towards you, and you might find yourself being a natural healer to those in need.

Your current energy is attracting abundance, creativity, and happiness into your life. It's like a box full of blessings is on its way to you. You're manifesting your biggest desires, whether it's financial independence, glowup, specific person, or something else you deeply yearn for.

In this new journey, there's a strong possibility of finding a new love interest or forming a deep connection with a new best friend. For those not seeking romantic or platonic relationships, you could discover a new hobby or passion that brings you immense joy.

You've been seeking signs from the universe about your life purpose and career, and it seems like you're finding your true passion. Your faith in the divine timing is unwavering, and you're manifesting your dreams through pure belief.

If you're currently in the flow of life, trusting in the universe's plan, you're on the right path and a true winner. Your understanding of this concept sets you apart and leads you towards a fulfilling and abundant future.

Pile 2 🦋

the temperance, 8ow, knight-os

Okay Pile 2, you legit need to calm down/slow down. I just heard, "Hold your horses!" Your energy is everywhere.

What's the rush, love? You're running too fast as if there's a train or a flight you gotta catch. You're feeling as if you're running out of time, or that you're lacking behind. You're ambitious and it's good to be. But moving so fast and without caring to think before you act can sometimes put you in undesirable spot. It has happened with me recently and it happens almost all the time? I am quite like that myself. Sometimes, it can be out of overconfidence, other times it's anxiety. It's crucial to know the reasons and work on them.

I'm getting Mars dominant, Mars in first house or Aries/Scorpio energy. I'm a Scorpio moon and I have Mars in my first house so girl, I get you! I really do!

With the Temperance card, angels advise you to attain that balance, harmony, and modesty. You are encouraged to seek a middle ground, to balance opposing forces, and deal with circumstances carefully and composedly. In addition, it takes self-control and patience to get through life's challenges. You don't have to be so ferocious, fiesty, and overwhelmed. You're getting my point?

Also, are you juggling a lot and all on your own? You don't need to do everything on your own. Are you for real? I know you're awkward around people and you don't like asking for help but there's no loss in trying, love. There are people who are more than willing to help you. Atleast, ask them?

Lastly, I'd like to conclude with the fact that I saw the number 8 in my vision while shuffling for you and the card that came out was 8 of Wands and then I saw number 8 on my phone suddenly. So it's an 888. It can be a sign. Something you've been seeing frequently these days? Please check for the meaning of 888 angel number and decide what could it mean for you.

Pile 3 💭

8os, 5os, 5owX

Pile 3, I'm seeing you being trapped or restricted in a cage/prison, a prison you've built around yourself or have surrendered yourself, possibly due to past actions which you deem as mistakes. There's someone in your close circle of friends or family who you're mad at. For some of you, it's yourself who you're blaming! For not taking that leap of faith, or for leaving that job that offered you stability. For not being patient enough or not being careful enough. For not allowing you to be you or for not having enough freedom to try everything you wanted to.

You're feeling trapped in a cycle. A cycle that's repetitive, too mundane that you're sick of it. You want to go away to leave it all behind. You don't like the way things are. The way you are? And you're blaming them/yourself for it.

I know my words would come off harsh, but you're acting like a victim, not realising you can choose not to be one. It's not about survival, it's about existing! Life is a gift. And you're a divine being! Count your blessings instead of mishaps and you'll see a drastic change in everything, including your mindset. "Attitude of gratitude" ever heard of it?

Currently, you might be attracting situations that reflect the need to break free from self-imposed limitations and negative thought patterns. Financial problems, weakening relationships, unhappy job situation. You're aimlessly wandering for that funding for your project and so on...

You're determined, more than ever right now to go get it! But trust me anything that you start with this negativity within you, will only bring disaster in its wake. The self doubt and victimization will only bring more of it. There's things that need to be addressed. Matters that need to be resolved. Don't run away from them. Face your fears. Confront it head on! Don't avoid conflict. Be it with your own conscience or with your family/friends. The person or situation you're blaming, forgive them. Let go of them! It's nobody's fault. It doesn't have to be.

This combination of cards is your call to embrace self-empowerment, letting go of past grudges and forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes. What's done is done! Past is past for a reason. You have control over your present and future though. It's essential to confront any inner conflicts or self-doubt to find a sense of peace and clarity in your life.

The advice for you is to take a step back and reassess your current situation. Look for opportunities to release negative energy and work towards healing any emotional wounds. Embrace a more open and compassionate approach to yourself and others, as this will help attract positive and harmonious energies into your life. Remember, you have the power to overcome obstacles and create a more balanced and fulfilling future. Blaming yourself and others never helps. Trust me, I've been there!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my pac. I hope the insights resonated with you and provided some guidance. If you found this helpful, I'd be grateful if you consider following me for more spiritual content and future tarot readings. Wishing you all love, light, and positivity on your journey! ✨

- with love, Snow ❄️

Enjoyed the reading? Tip me here~

[whiteskullofroses]

STAR OF JERUSALEM

Baldwin Iv x Reader

🕯️Imagine you're a theatre star touring the world. Once you perform on the Holy Land, The king notices your talent and wishes to get to know you.🕯️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"AND ONE AND TWO AND THREE AND Y/N GO!"

And you went. Stepping on the red X drawn upon the stage. Your joyful and youthful face turning into a straight and emotionless one.

"Esto quod es, ex animo, ex Luna."

The scene looked absolutely mesmerising. On the huge wooden floor sat a man-made moon in the phase of waning crescent. Behind you swung stars, the hot weather of Jerusalem making them shimmer and shine as though they were a sheet of a book kissed by candle light.

"Esse est percipi." Clapping sharply and reaching for one of the stars: "ad altiora tendo." Throwing the star on the ground, having it dramatically break apart: "ad astra."

Swirling in your own little world as the strings played a gentle, heart touching melody on the command of the harpist's fingertips.

"Luceo non uro." You sang, breathing steadily and stopping on the centre of the stage again: "nec spe" the music picked up the pace, you dropped to you knees: "nec metu."

"BEAUTIFUL Y/N! BEAUTIFUL!"

You inhaled deeply, for this night wasn't like no other. Rumors roaming around like a vampire at night, that his majesty, Baldwin the fourth will be joining the hopeful crowd of people who share a passion for ancient poetry combined with dread that comes with being alive and wanting it acted out infront of them.

Such news excited you madly, wanting to do the best of the best you practiced day and night for this magical show which will appear before everyone's eyes tonight.

You were incredibly lucky to have God bless you with the talent of being such a delicate preformer. The bigger the crowd, the better. The more eyes were glued to you the smoother words ran out of your mouth.

'What a lovely feeling it is, to be loved.' you thought, not only today but often as you've seen all of Europe, have met hundreds of impressionable people of whom you only heard in fairytales as a lowborn child. Them preaching what a fine show you've put on behind the stage curtains after every show made you feel like a flawless angel with bright wings and the purest soul.

The Holy Spirit inside you was preaching that showing off your skill to who some call 'the messenger of God', or simply the ruler of the Holy Land, should be your top priority. You always listened to it, as a personal belief of yours was that It was in fact God speaking to you through it. So what other choice could you have?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heavy clouds casted upon the wide stadium. Whispers of wonder were dominated by laughter of those already tipsy ones. These kinds of special events that to foreigners often seemed formal, were in all reality a party for all kinds. Those who wished to drink through the show were allowed without any restrictions, yet those who listened and watched you, were rather intoxicated with words that cut deep.

And so it is. The Greek harpist began strumming a century old melody called: 'Stella iuxta Lunam'. The crowd went silent like birds during a storm. Curtains coloured dark blue opened, presenting a beautiful young woman in a black dress with pearls in her hair. That woman was you.

The people of Jerusalem weren't used to a woman showing her hair, not only because of how religious the people were, but also because of the hot weather. Many people would suffer heat strokes and terrible migraines without them.

As you sang in Latin, the clouds cried down on the Earth. Soft tapping mother nature provided with the downpour gave out a great additional scene.

"Ad astra..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Folks cheered, threw roses and whistled in your honor over and over again. The rain had long before stopped allowing the stars to shine up in the skies.

Bowing and sending kisses to the sea of people, you left the stage.

Sighing and letting your hair down. Just as you were about to go drink some water, you heard an unfamiliar voice speak your name.

"Yes?" Breathing out and turning towards the one standing behind you.

As soon as you saw his metal mask you quickly added: "Your majesty."

Straightening up and giving your hair a quick fix, he started: "I greatly apologize for interrupting you while on break."

Sitting down on a chair, breathing heavily.

He was so sick. It broke your heart, poor twenty year old couldn't even walk a couple of meters without almost passing out.

"However" he continued: "I must say I'm a great fan of your work."

Taken back from the fact that the King of Jerusalem himself came to see you perform despite his state: "I'm truly honored, your majesty-"

"Baldwin." Interrupting you. Noticing your surprised expression he chuckled.

"Alright, Baldwin. Thank you for coming to see me tonight." It wasn't unusually for you to have people of power view you as one of them. After all you made good money and were loved to death by whole of Europe.

"I'm really proud of how far you've come." Baldwin was showering you in compliments and all you could do was redden in the cheeks and grin.

After a while he pondered: "How long are you staying here, Y/N? Tilting his head to you, who was now sitting opposite to him.

"Three days."

Baldwin leaned forward: "Do you play chess?"

You did. And you were bloody good at it too.

"Join me tomorrow for a round then." Standing up and taking one last look at you: "when the Sun goes down."

THE END.