#but also there’s is literally zero chance of seeing him any time soon

[forbidden-sin-bin]

Sex and Filthy Smut headcanons

(Eminem x F!Reader Hc’s and drabbles)

Rated: E for explicit… no wait, this needs an X rating for possibly being the filthiest thing I’m gonna write in my life. God save my soul (probably not but hey at least I asked)

Warnings: I mean… look at the title. Need I say more??? Smut. Sex. Lovemaking, Intercourse. Whatever the hell you wanna call it. The whole 10 yards is here. It’s porn, not gonna lie at all.

Tags/Keywords: Smut, Heavy Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, fluff, fluff and smut, Pre-established relationship, Sexual Content, Kink, Overstimulation, Dom/Sub, BDSM, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Oral Sex, Giving/Receiving, Healthy Relationships, Feel Good, Everything sinful under the sun is found here, Author is going to hell, anyone who reads this is coming with me

A/N: Yes yes, ain’t no fuckbuddies or friends with benefits headcanons here, sue me. There is NO angst or sadness here. None, zero, zilch. Those kinds of relationships almost NEVER end well 98% of the time. This is all about you and him ONLY. Give it up for romance y’all.

Not gonna lie, there might've been more I wanted to add to this hellfire list of headcanons but once you've seen how much stuff there is below I hope you'll forgive me for finally putting this out here.

I hope by reading this, will provide you with comfort and satisfaction.

VERY special thanks to @smutty-books for beta reading and feedback along with helping me with this monster of a list! Please check them out and show them some love! (Seriously thank you Smutty for the additional ideas and content. you made this Hc's list a million times better and twice as much content included.)

(WARNING: Past this point is VERY EXPLICIT CONTENT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

General HC's:

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy ohhhhhh boy.

You want sum fuk? You got sum fuk and way more.

As long as you’re his s/o, congrats on your sex life being absolutely demolished and rebuilt by this man. You’ll probably never find a better person in the bedroom for the rest of your life. It literally doesn’t matter if he’s your boyfriend or your husband, sex is a staple activity in your relationship that you both enjoy.

Fast and rough? Slow and steady? Maybe a little bit of both? You bet he’ll be saying fuck yeah to all of those.

His sex drive has always been relatively quite high, even after all these years. Being 50 and counting ain’t gonna stop him anytime soon.

Can, and will, want to fuck you on any and every surface of the house.

Living room couch? Perfect spot for bouncing in his lap or to blow him hard.

Dining room table? He’ll have you either bent over and railing you from behind or sitting on top while he devours your dripping wet pussy.

Taking a shower? You’ll be saving water if you do it together… yeah. Definitely not because of at least a half dozen things you can do in there with soothing hot water pouring down your bodies.

In the studio?…

Okay maybe not the studio he’s gotta work without getting distracted and lord save you two if anyone finds a sliver of evidence that you two fucked in there-

Not a PDA guy much, which also extends to any sexual antics outside. He won’t be taking any risks getting the two of you caught lacking

As long as you two are in the house, it’s free game

His views and methods of sex vary depending on which era we’re talking about

If he were in his 1999’s/2000’s era, then yeah, absolute horndog. He’s constantly so busy and on the move, sex would be a quick trip and onto the next. It would’ve scratched the itch, but arguably wouldn’t have sated his appetite for long. If he ever had a chance to have a good, drawn out sex session, it’ll leave him looking like he had a serious hangover but he’ll be waking up so relaxed.

Him being quick to fuck around and quick to leave was his style pre-Relapse. It’s a common thing you see around music artists in general and he was no exception. That doesn’t mean he was closed off to finding an actual solid relationship, it just becomes that much harder to find someone genuine. Most of the time though, he was busy putting out albums and producing music with a 9 to 5 regimen.

Post-Relapse/Recovery Em had insane stamina due to the excessive amount of exercise he put in. Call me insane, but I have a feeling this may be the time where he had the least amount of sex drive-

NOW HOLD ON HEAR ME OUT

He was starting out his sobriety around this time, I’m no expert but I would have to think that he hasn’t fucked or hooked up with anyone since then cause sex may have been a risk or his body was recovering, therefore most likely putting sex as a low priority. That isn’t to say he wasn’t busting a nut oh no, he probably became best friends with his hands again.

The time between Rap God/Monster Era was slowly building back up his drive, transitioning him to the Revival/Present Day era where he’s back on his blue-balling bullshit. Mans been practically putting out mating calls in his music and in interviews I mean COME ON HAVE YOU SEEN IT

He’s wise enough to not be caught slipping with hoes cause he won’t be caught with those hoes. At all. He’s not a hoe fucker no more. You heard him.

Finding an actual healthy relationship with one person? Someone give it to him, now.

(Anyone who remembers that one shot in that Rainy Days behind the scenes video where he points the camera to his crotch and says “EVERYTHING is for sale.” If that isn’t a man in heat I dunno what is; And that’s just one example out of many lemme tell you)

THE POINT IS, HE CAN GO FOR ONE ROUND, OR MANY, MANY MORE.

He’s determined to make you feel good more than him, but he’ll absolutely be having fun with how you’re gonna come. He’ll love exploring your body, finding out every little spot that gives you shivers down your spine.

Oh yeah, did I mention that he's got a big dick? He's got a big dick.

Don't try to deny it when you can't help but glance at his crotch all the time. It might be bias, or it might be fact that you can see the bulge in his pants.

Dom/Sub Roles:

He’s a dom, no question about that. Most of the time he’s a soft dom, not overwhelmingly asserting himself over you but firm enough to have you listen to him. Of course, he’ll be praising you a ton if you’re doing good and listening. But if you’re acting a little bratty, a little petty… yeah, he’ll make you behave, let’s just leave it at that.

Enjoys having you bent over his knee while he fingers your pussy, making sure you’re all nice and ready for him to enjoy.

If you squirm too much, expect a light spanking and a firm reminder to behave.

Again, not over the top with his dominance, cause at the end of the day, he wants to take care of you, to make you feel comfortable and show you how much he loves you. So praising isn’t just a dom thing, it’s genuinely how he expresses his affection to you.

If you insist on it, he can go even harder as a dom, upping his antics and getting off on seeing you beg for relief. Punishments will be even meaner and if you slip up even just a little, looks like you’re gonna have to start all over. No amount of pleading, teary whines from you will get him to change the cold, hard look in his eyes as he’s watching you.

Absolutely insistent on a safe word, no matter the situation.

Marshall’s immediately shifting to a protective, nurturing caretaker the moment your safe word leaves your lips and making sure your needs are met, completely understanding and shushing any apologies that threaten to leave your mouth for ruining the moment. You come first and foremost.

Amazing with aftercare. Will make sure that you’re okay and well taken care of after a session, praising you lovingly as he holds you close. If it was particularly intense, he’ll be checking in on you for the next day or so whilst feeling quite proud of himself that he can reduce you to a begging, dripping mess yesterday night. But he's by far more proud of you for trusting him and letting him experience you in such a vulnerable position.

All it takes is for him to say: "Such a good girl" and you're all his. (Can't blame you honestly-)

He'll be using your petnames even outside of your passionate sessions, even if it's just coming home to greet you after a day of work or passing by each other in the house to do something, a quick: "Hey peaches" or "How's my babygirl?" never fails to want to leave you smiling shyly, even after a bad day.

While being a sub is not what he would usually do at all, it’s not impossible. Once he’s far into a relationship with you and fully comfortable, he might actually give in to your insistence.

He has a need to feel like he’s in control, like he’s leading; Being on the opposite end is a big deal for him, so if he ever subs it’s a huge fucking compliment and privilege that shows how much he trusts and loves you to bare himself to you.

He’ll definitely be grumbly about it tho, and probably trying to act all teasing at your attempt to dominate him. But once you get past that first phase and he lets himself relax and give into your control… he doesn’t want to admit it, but he feels so fucking secure with you.

When he fully gives in, he’s preening and leaning into your touch. He’ll be such a good boy under your lavish praise and having all of your attention on him.

It feels almost foreign, not being the one in charge and making all the decisions for once. But once he gets used to it, he'll be doing whatever he can to receive your approval.

Seeing him at your mercy, letting you take the reins, makes it your priority to see him come undone by your command, holy shit, it's fucking beautiful.

If he's up for being a little more bratty (not unlike he's been on his petty shit for decades as his core personality trait let's be real here) and expecting to be punished and/or your dominance be harsher, the thought of pushing you to your limits with how much you're willing to keep up with him makes him really, really excited on the inside.

It’s both of your secrets, so don’t fuck it up, a'ight?

Teasing/Body Parts:

Speaking of secrets… he’s incredibly private, but at the same time, don’t be surprised if he ends up writing lyrics that may or may not allude or be inspired by your sex lives. You swear this man will be the death of you, smug bastard.

If you’re ever turned on by listening to his music or his voice, it’ll be such a massive ego boost for him, holy shit. No need to feel embarrassed, cause he’s fucking flattered.

Even tho his residence is far from any neighbors (and definitely soundproof), he’s got a playlist for your ears to get aroused to.

Imagine Marshall whispering in your ear or talking in that low voice of his and well damn now you’re horny is an understatement of the goddamn century.

And it’s not just you! Marshall gets off hearing you moan like crazy, another sign that lets him know he’s doing a damn good job. Hearing you whimpering gets him going, but making you scream? Jackpot.

Unsurprisingly to a lot of y’all, but he loves tits. He loves ass for sure, but feeling your breasts is just- Yes.

Love fondling them, licking, biting, sucking, you name it.

Now do the same for him-

OKAY OKAY HEAR ME OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN’S PECS

MAN’S GOT HUGE FUCKING HONKERS. HOLY SHIT.

(No wonder he’s such a titty guy-)

But seriously, play with his chest and he’ll be moaning and writhing under you. Music to your ears.

Rest assured your ass will not be forgotten or neglected. No fucking way he’ll ever leave any part of you un-worshipped. Even when you’re just passing each other around the house he’ll playfully slap or squeeze your ass with a smirk. Cheeky fucker.

May or may not prompt him to just throw you down and pin you against whatever furniture is closest and have his way with you right then and there.

Or it could be the other way around! You can't help but give his sexy behind a mischievous swat or grab, or his pecs. He'll probably pretend to be miffed but you'll be catching him returning the smirk you have on your face. Oh, by all means, have your way with him right then and there as well. Equal rights, equal sexy times.

Grabbing your backside and pulling you closer to him, pressed against his chest and his growing bulge in his pants oh sweet Jesus-

Will for sure spank you while you’re riding him or he’s railing you from behind, the sounds of skin slapping against skin while he sees your ass jiggle with every thrust is just so fucking hot

He wants to reach deep down, as far as his cock can reach, nothing in the house is safe from him pounding your pussy and giving you a creampie.

Speaking of that, He LOVES to come into you or on you. It gives him a feeling of claiming what's his. Anytime he sees his cum dripping outta you or running down your skin, Marshall’s ready to go again.

Or he could use a sex toy, making sure his cum stays inside and your pussy ready for him in a few.

Kinks

We’ve already covered the dom/sub parts, but there is SO much potential for other kinks that you and him can get into so let’s get right into it

Breeding Kink:

I mean how can we not start this off without mentioning that

Can, and will ram you harder and faster than a piston AND make sure you both cum multiple times

If you’re walking the next morning, that means he failed the assignment so now he’s boutta rectify that

Dirty talk is cranked to a hundred as he’s growling in your ear on how much of a slut you are for his seed, how he’ll fill you up and make sure your womb is carrying his baby, how gorgeous you would look with your belly swollen with your little creation, etc.

Even if he’s sure that he doesn’t want anymore kids (given his age or experience, which is understandable), imagine the baby fever he gets when he sees or imagines you with kids

He’s perfectly happy with just you and him, but the possibility of you, him, and maybe a little one you made together from your love? His pupils are dilating like a cat getting ready to pounce

Even if the possibilities are extremely unlikely, the mere thought of it and he’s giving you the 🥺 eyes. (Every time you see him make those eyes at you, it’s probably cause he’s feelin the breeding urge)

If you're not able to, that doesn't change a thing; he wants to make you feel like you're his no matter what, and you are! He loves you for you.

Obsessed with coming inside you after railing you into the mattress, filling you to the brim with his seed

Loves giving you a creampie and then watching it leak out of your pussy, might take the initiative to stuff his spilling cum back into you

Or he could just fuck you at multiple different times during the day like the stud he is

Hell he may as well just not pull out and you’ll both be falling asleep still connected

You'll be waking up with his member engorged and slowly thrusting in you while he nuzzles into you, taking in your scent, kissing your lips so softly until you both cum. After that he takes you to the shower and you both wash each other

Loves marking your skin with his mouth, letting anyone know that your his and his only

Your cunt and everything else is thoroughly satisfied every time the breeding kink comes on don’t you worry about that honey

Size Kink:

Hey don't judge his 5'7 ass. Marshall's got other big things minus his height; Big hands, big ears, HUGE CO-

If you're smaller than him: He praises you for taking him in so well, whispers words of encouragement with every inch he pushes into you until you can feel his tip brushing against your cervix. Doesn't want to overdo it in fear of hurting you, but with your insistence he'll be going all out in due time

If you're taller than him: He LOVES it. No cap you being taller or bigger than him is so fucking sexy. Makes him more eager to make you come and more confidence in exploring different ways to do so

Takes a hand in yours and guides you both to press against your stomach, feeling for his cock thrusting into you

Praises you constantly as he feels your walls stretch around him so perfectly

Once you feel like you can take all of him, all of his restraint is gone as he pounds your sopping wet cunt relentlessly

Body worshipping is a must regardless of size

Feral/Primal Kink:

You know how possessive he can be, and that still translates to the bedroom. Even when he knows you're his, he can't help but feel turned on by his possessiveness for you.

And when you're all his, he can go fucking. Crazy.

It's also the dom feeling in him as well, but he has a need to claim you: Not out of insecurity, but out of his desire to make sure you know how much he loves you.

Likes biting your ear as an affectionate gesture. Sometimes he enjoys lightly tugging as a playful gesture to get you riled up.

Marshall thinks the growling thing is dumb as hell but if you're into that he'll try to give you some throaty growls in your ear, but expect him to start cracking up at his attempts until he's used to it

He thinks he can't do it yet he doesn't realize the low rumble in his throat whenever he gets a jealous streak

Voice/Audio Kink:

Well, well, WELL. Someone's ego is about to be stroked harder than his cock for once

He’ll absolutely be moaning and grunting more often when you guys have sex

Jokingly asks if you want to put some music on before you start fucking though he probably cringes listening to his own music during sex

Definitely ruins the mood for him when he hears someone that collabed with him on one of his songs or if any of his lyrics mention things that he doesn't want to think about when horny

Whenever he asks what you're listening to and hears one of his songs, he can't help but inwardly smile or smirk with pride. "Good choice." He nods, keeping his face unreadable.

If he catches you listening to FACK he just starts dying with laughter and dying on the inside simultaneously

No but seriously, he's super fucking flattered knowing how much his music or just his voice turns you on

Whispers in your ear during sex, either praising, teasing, or telling you what to do

He'll be observing which tone provokes the biggest reaction out of you so he can remember it for future reference

(People working with him in the studio are gonna be wondering why he's so close to the mic while recording recently)

Might record something just for your ears to listen to when you guys are apart ;)

Sex Positions

Missionary:

Ah, the OG.

Ranging from being the most vanilla to literally breaking the bed and making the house shake. Most people’s go-to position and Marshall is no different.

He’s got full access to your face, neck, and breasts while he pounds you into the mattress, absolutely loves it and it’s no surprise.

Is eye contact a kink? He’ll be wanting to look you in the eyes no matter the pace you’re going. Additionally may often include forehead touching and/or nose nuzzling. Incredibly hot and intimate.

If he’s feeling extra curious or dominant, he might even push your legs back and over his shoulders to reach even deeper into you. (In other words, putting you in a mating press.) You ain’t walking for a few days after this. Catch his freaky ass all smug n shit.

Slow and intimate in this position is SO fulfilling. It’s like baring your souls to one another.

Going fast and rough is just straight up a joyride and a half. It feels carnal in the best way possible.

Overall you can’t fuck this up really. It’s missionary for crying out loud.

Doggystyle:

*clears throat* Ahem. BARK BARK WOOF WOOF

If you haven’t seen my fic Heat yet, it’s basically me writing smut for the first time in this position but taken to the next level. Should hint at a lot on what imma bout to say tbh

YES. HELL YES. PLEASE LET HIM RAM INTO YOU FROM BEHIND. HE’LL BE POUNDING INTO YOU SO FUCKING HARD

If you go face down on the bed, ass up? Holy shit

Expect bruises on your hips the next morning… also a very horny man ready to go again or to absolutely worship the fuck outta you for taking it so fucking amazingly

He'll be running a bath for you, being extra doting and attentive, the whole nine yards while also feeing that masculine satisfaction™ at the fact that he's able to get you to that state of bliss.

By far the most feral position. If he’s got a breeding kink I wish you luck on how many times you’re gonna come and he’s gonna come

If you’re also into taking it in the ass I respect you 👀 kinky motherfucker would love to explore some new ways to fuck

Pronebone is also basically the same as mentioned above, but it’s got that intimate feel, you get me? He’s closer to you whilst also able to attack your neck and shoulders, maybe even have a hot make out session with you while he continues to pound your pussy or ass raw.

As long as you love taking it from behind he’ll be on his knees for you. And on top of you.

Cowgirl/Reverse Cowgirl, You On Top:

Ride him. That’s all I gotta say.

He wants you to ride him. Fuck him silly. He’ll lose it.

It’s a perfect demonstration of him still being the dom. You may be on top, but he’s the one in control.

Might tease you by making you work hard for a reaction outta him. He’ll be pretending to be unimpressed or smug while you bounce in his lap but in reality he’s trying so hard not to break

Either that, or he won’t be holding back on how good you make him feel. Mouth open, quietly moaning, grabbing your ass or your hips.

If he can't take it anymore, he pulls you down to him and holds you tight while he starts bucking his hips, pounding up into you like a piston

Even once you both come he starts back up again before you've even calmed down

Oral (Giving and Receiving)/69:

I mean… are we really gonna question it? Yeah you better give this guy some head he is a slut for it

Give him a blowjob and he’ll be the happiest man alive

You watching his expressions as you’re sucking him off

Might take some practice to take all of him into your mouth cause this man is BIG

Even when he’s got loose sweatpants on you can still see his bulge AND IT’S NOT WHEN HE’S HARD AND HORNY. MARSHALL’S PACKING.

I wish you luck in trying to deepthroat this man

When it comes to oral, he definitely prefers receiving rather than giving

But don’t you DARE underestimate this man’s tongue cause holy fucking hell he’s feasting on your pussy

PLEASE let him suck on your clit while he’s eating you out. That man’s mouth is amazing in many ways for a reason

Imagine having to go out after and if anyone asks him if he wants anything to eat he just replies: “Nah I’m good. I had something earlier.” And then GIVING YOU THE SIDE EYE LOOK-

BEARD. BURN.

Let this man bury his face in between your thighs and imagine the friction of his beard brushing against your skin. If that doesn’t make you cum then him lapping you up will guaranteed

69 turns into a competition to see who can get the other to cum first, or a comforting session of tasting each other

Standing:

Y'all know he can do it pinning you against a wall. Thanks 8 Mile

As hot as it is, take care as not to have your head or back bang against it

Great for quickies but probably not for a long time; You gotta give his back a break lmao

Hugging your waist from behind tho :eyes:

Add a mirror on both opposite ends of the wall and you can watch him thrust into you

He's holding you real tight and close, making sure to hold you up so your legs won't buckle

Spooning:

Feelin real cozy

It can be lazy morning sex; Intimate and gentle as he places kisses behind your ear and buries his face into your neck while he does long, deep strokes in and out of your walls

Or it can be rough: Holding your thigh up while his hips violently thrust into you, only stilling when he comes after you

Another way is his cock slipping between your thighs and humping you eagerly, or his cock rutting against your ass

Push your hips back in time with his thrusts for deeper penetration or the sound of your skin slapping against each other

His hands clutching your hips or grabbing your breasts as he moans in your ear, feeling his cock twitching with his release

- - -

ALRIGHT TIME TO STOP HERE I’VE BEEN KEEPING THIS IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS Anyways hope y’all enjoyed this and then some <3 I might come back to this and and more so who knows? If you enjoyed let me know your feedback and if you have any suggestions!

[hannieehaee]

Svt and ass shots

svt and ass shots

18+ / mdi

content: smut, ass shots, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 798

a/n: sorry i took so long </3

masterlist

seungcheol -

he goes crazy for it. the sight reminds him that you're his and he's the only person who gets to mark you in such way. he'd love the nastiness of it, feeling like getting you messy with his cum was a bit disrespectful in itself but adoring how you'd even come to entice him into doing it, not caring for the mess.

jeonghan -

he's totally into ass shots im 100% sure. i can literally visualize his moans getting higher as he neared his end and hurriedly pulled out to cum on your ass. would tease you about it and how desperate for him you must be to let him do such a nasty thing to you.

joshua -

like jeonghan, he'd be super cocky about it. it wasnt his favorite place to cum, but it'd always give him an ego boost when you'd ask (re: beg) him to cum on your ass. would tease and mock you about it despite he himself feeling weak at the kneed at the sight of your ass/back covered in his cum.

jun -

his brain would go foggy at the simple thought of hitting it from the back and getting to cum on your ass. the sight would just be too much for him to handle, making him get hard again far too soon and causing him to delay clean up or aftercare in order to get the both of you there once more.

soonyoung -

there would be zero thoughts in his head as he reached his high, meaning that he would not plan where he was going to cum. he'd just freestyle it, which would result in cumming on your ass/back most times. on days he was feeling particularly nasty, he'd play with his cum on your ass, groaning at his pretty the translucent substance looked against your skin.

wonwoo -

despite how reserved he may seem, he'd go absolutely insane over cumming on your ass/back. this would be his go-to for whenever you let him hit it raw and from behind. the mere thought of it as he reached his climax would have him rutting against you with extra strength, making it a little hard for him to even leave your warmth for long enough to cum on your ass.

jihoon -

enjoys the concept of it but not the mess. cleaning up his own cum from your back/ass was just something he was too lazy to do after the exhaustion he felt from fucking you altogether, so he'd probably save it only for special occasions in which his stamina was extra high.

seokmin -

on one side, i can see him thinking that cumming on your ass might be unseemly and disrespectful (he was a true gentleman after all!!) but on another side, i also see his carnal desires taking over while having sex with you, leading his brain to become mush and feel this sense of dominance as he marked you with his cum.

mingyu -

gives me the vibe like he's down for anything. he'd love ass shots but his favorite way to cum would be inside you. so basically, he'll take the chance to cum on your ass any day, but given the option he'd much rather cum inside you and eat out the remnants. a nasty man overall.

minghao -

he's a little bit of a wild card for me. i think he might find cumming on your ass too raunchy(?) and would rather cum in a way that left a bit less traces behind. however!!! whenever his mind was clouded by horniness, he would not even care about where he came as long as he got both of you there.

seungkwan -

i cant rlly picture him to be a huge fan of it but he's not against it!! he'd rather cum inside a condom while still inside you or having you finish him off in your mouth, etc rather than staining you with cum. it'd make him feel kinda mean and dirty, but sometimes his orgasm would just take over and he'd cum on your ass.

vernon -

yet another member who enjoys it but cannot bear to deal with the mess. after sex he just wants to lay down and hold you against him. he'd do minimal clean up and call it a day, which was something he couldn't really do if he made a mess all over you.

chan -

it'd make him feel a huge ego boost. almost as if you were just so fully his to the point of letting him stain you with his cum. he'd groan at the mere thought and become extremely whiney as he approached his high knowing he was about to finish on you in such a dirty way; a way in which only he would ever get to.

[thatdangeroussmile]

I ascended Astarion for the first time and I was given the option to Detect Thoughts before I knelt to see “What he really thinks of me”.

Long post but interesting analysis of Ascended Astarion and him turning the player character under the cut

Things to keep in mind (but that I know probably don’t really matter):

Approval was at Exceptional (100)

This is a Dark Urge play through so I’m the literal child of a God (which all companions knew at this point)

No Astral tadpole had been used or discussed (the subject was dropped entirely which now I regret).

I did indeed have sex with Mizora and I am also romancing Halsin (both interactions have no impact on your romance with Astarion)

So tell me why, when I did my wisdom check to detect thoughts, I GOT MY FUCKING FEELINGS HURT.

LIKE MY ACTUAL FEELINGS.

FOR REAL, MY GUY? AFTER EVERYTHING? YOU’RE GOING TO DEGRADE ME FOR ETERNITY?

BUT FOR WHY?

And when I refused, “it’s not hard to find someone like me once in a millennia” is what he spat at me (while checking his nails so unbothered) and the interaction ENDS ABRUPTLY.

I, of course, went back and went through with it because I went through hell trying to ascend this fucking asshole but I could use some insight on why Ascended Astarion decides to start degrading you as soon as he ascends.

I kissed him at camp just after Cazador’s dungeon, and I got one of the three very degrading kisses and my character hadn’t even been turned yet. Thank goodness it wasn’t one with the slap included.

It was all downhill after the long rest.

SO LET’S UNPACK THIS

At first, I was like, after all that he went through it sucks he’d turn me into a spawn too. You have an option to say this to him before he changes you and he again, tries to explain it away, gaslight, and manipulate you into trusting him so he can bite you.

But, it isn’t just a bite. Not like when he was changed right?

RIGHT! In my mind, I was like, I’m not delulu he’s definitely toxic but this toxicity feels unfortunately familiar.

I reblogged a post (I don’t have it now but scroll and you’ll find it) that got me thinking, why would Larian make this choice for Ascended Astarion if AA is the real Astarion without the mask? Spawn Astarion spent the whole game talking about how much being a spawn sucked and then as soon as he isn’t one is going to try to make us one? That doesn’t make any sense story wise OR character wise.

Anyway, the post in question talks about creating a vampire bride and the lore in Dungeons and Dragons 2e.

Even if you are or arent familiar with the lore but have played bg3 to hell and ALWAYS romance Astarion, chances are you always have the dialogue after he feeds on you in ACT 1

Where he says, “If I’d been a true vampire, that bite would have turned you into a vampire spawn, like myself”.

The dialogue goes heavily into what it takes to make a true vampire, but we also immediately learn that if you’re a true vampire, it doesn’t take much to make a spawn (Astarion’s change into spawn follows 5e rules- the bite must take hit points to zero and then he was buried in the ground for him to rise the next night under Cazadors control). Meaning, if us as the MC had been paying attention, there is no exchange of blood to make a spawn. The subject gets nothing. They are bitten, dead and buried to rise as a slave.

Returning to the part of the ACT 1 dialogue about how one makes a true vampire, Astarion says “In Theory” meaning he isn’t sure. But yes, “The Vampire would drink your blood and you’d drink theirs,”.

Sound familiar?

ACT 3 right before he changes you, “I’m going to drink you dry and then grant you one drop of my blood”.

This isn’t how you make a spawn. This is how you make a true vampire or more specifically for the case of the game a vampire bride but the ritual is almost the same.

They drink your blood, you drink theirs.

Another way you can tell that he didn’t turn you into a spawn is that, when Spawns emerge, the emerge knowing exactly what to do and how to be a vampire.

Because your character was not turned into a spawn but is still very much bound to Ascended Astarion (if you’re dark urge and go to the tribunal after and try to throw your weight around as a child of bhaal, they call you a slave and then initiative starts), is because you’re a Vampire Bride(gn).

Vampire Bride’s do not wake up knowing what the hell is going on so AA straight up lies to you. You do indeed have free will and while, no you still cannot just walk away because he’s still your creator, he can’t compel you to do anything. And, that’s why you’ll still be seen as a slave by outside forces and other gods because you would need AA permission to break your bond.

Anyway, why this toxicity felt familiar is because the first thing he says is “Thank you for trusting me”. And then he goes ahead and lies to you and DEGRADES YOU TO MAKE YOU FEEL POWERLESS.

And then love bombs you to make you stay “The world will be yours and mine, etc”

MORE DEGRADATION

BECAUSE FOR ALL YOU KNOW, YOURE A SPAWN AND COULDNT LEAVE IF YOU WANTED TO.

Even though he made you a true vampire, his bride. And instead of telling you that and trusting you, he degrades and lies to you and makes you think he could control you at any time to MAKE SURE YOU NEVER LEAVE HIS SIDE.

[sharksnshakes]

Wesker Tormenting A New Survivor! HCs

It's too bad that nobody taught you, the new survivor, not to make a fool of Albert Wesker. It looks like he'll have to teach you himself.

A/N; every day y'all become more and more psychic. bc this was sitting in my drafts and @vasani was like 'yo can u take a crack at wesker???' so this is me, here, taking a crack at wesker. can't get over the fact that RE's most fearsome villain is named albert

Wordcount; 700ish

TW; dbd typical violence, death, mentions of mental and physical violence, suggestive themes, toxic behavior, narcissistic behavior, cursing, albert wesker is The Worst

Wesker thinks he's above everyone and everything, so let's make that clear right off the bat. Mans legitimately thinks he's unparalleled, please someone tell him to humble himself??

Anyhow.

That being said, Wesker's not the type to single out specific survivors. UNLESS, of course, the brand new survivor calls him a bitch to his face. Then, all bets are off...

What ticks him off the most is when he's made a fool of, especially by someone he sees as below him. Especially when you, a mere survivor (and a new one at that!) manage to somehow beat him at his own game, distracting him while the rest of your team escapes.

When you make it through the gates, he's 1) stunned and 2) furious. How had he been so shortsighted? How had you managed to actually outsmart him?

He swears to never let it happen again--and what better way to do that then by teaching you a lesson?

Trials with Wesker are immediately 1000000x worse than any other killers. The ambiance totally changes:

The air feels thick, unbreathable; there's a sense of complete and total dread that sucks the breath right out of your lungs. Tree branches sag, heavy with the promise of a bloody trial to follow.

Takes out the rest of your team as soon as he can in favor of focusing on you, like, they're Mori'd within three minutes.

You don't exist to him until any potential interruptions (your teammates) are eliminated, and will be straight-up ignored until they're out of the picture. Will Mori your teammates right in front of you in increasingly violent ways, staring at you and only you while he does the deed.

Aggressive, but in a weirdly calm way. He's cold and precise, very calculating, but won't hesitate to lash out in a moment of fury. Though logic guides most of Wesker's actions against you, emotion takes over more often than not...

Ex; Wesker would Mori you with his hands, but he thinks you're too far below him to deserve it, so you'll get Uroboros instead.

Not only does this scare you shitless, but it prolongs that feeling of helplessness he's trying so desperately to instill in you.

Also, he was literally the head of an elite tactical force, so not only is Wesker ruthless, but he's incredibly methodical. Knows how to wear down an opponent in every way and will do it to the point of overkill--he wants to watch the hope drain from your eyes on repeat. Nobody makes Wesker feel like a fool. Again, he's trying to teach you a lesson.

Studies you in and out of matches (everything from healing your teammates to fixing gens).

Not dumb enough to get close to the campfire, but when you're swapping stories with other survivors, you often get the feeling someone's watching you just out of sight.

I hate to say it, but Wesker's one of the killers you have, like, zero fighting chance against. Will actively laugh at you if you try to fight back, then slam to you against the nearest wall with Uroboros... ouch.

He's kind of a paradox tbh, because he doesn't want to give you attention (everyone's below him, remember?) but wants to knock you down a peg, effectively, painfully, over and over and over again. The only way to do that is to study you, so mans is suffering from INTENSE cognitive dissonance. Please send him to therapy.

Unlike other killers, he won't really get attached to you over time?? He is, however, royally pissed off when other killers mention how they Mori'd you, and will be twice as intense in the next trial he has with you. Mans is lowkey territorial.

TLDR; when Wesker targets you, he will target every aspect of you. He'll tear you down physically, psychologically, emotionally, and he'll do it to the extreme. He feels a need to regain his stolen honor, and, just like a bully on the playground, he thinks the best way to redeem himself is to push others around. And if anyone threatens that--whether they're a killer or a survivor--he'll take them out, too.

Yikes...

To say the least.

[softxsuki]

...It's me again- can I have a urgent request with eren,levi and Jean with romantic s/o that has covid, but like it's really bad? (Headcanons pls)

It's like my surgery wasn't enough I needed to catch covid and I saw people yesterday 🥲

I feel like my whole body is dying rn

Thanks 😃❤️

Eren, Levi, and Jean Taking Care of Reader with Covid

Pairings: Eren x Gn!Reader, Levi x Gn!Reader, Jean x Gn!Reader

Warnings: reader sick with Covid

Genre: Modern AU, Comfort, some fluff?

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 900

Summary: How the boys react to you getting sick with Covid

[A/N: Hey! Thank you for your patience with your request. I'm sorry it's a little short and they might not be that great. I couldn't think of anything directly romantic to add to these, so I kept the romance a little subtle I hope that okay. I'm not exactly in the best mental state right now, but I wanted to get this done for you while you were still feeling unwell to help provide you with some comfort. So I hope these came out at least a little decent. Feel better soon <3 also sorry if there are any mistakes, I didn't proofread :(.]

Eren:

Protect this man

He’s so scared for you; literally thinks you’re going to die (you're not of course)

But he doesn’t outwardly show it, he’s just kinda freaking out on his own

You’re supposed to be quarantining in your room on your OWN, but Eren refuses to take his eyes off of you, he’ll sit in a chair in the corner of the room and keep you company no matter how many times you tell him to get out before he gets himself sick

No lie though, he would probably cozy up beside you in bed just so he can keep an even closer eye on you and properly take care of you

So consider your whole house a quarantine zone because he’s 100% getting infected with Covid and he doesn’t care

He takes very good care of you, giving you 10000% of his attention, making sure you get better as soon as possible

He googles a whole bunch of homemade remedies that people said worked for them, and prepares it all for you (orders all the ingredients online for delivery)

He takes your temperature every hour and as much as it hurts to see you in discomfort, he confiscates all your heavy blankets so your fever can go down quicker

Anything you want or need, he gets it for you

He also makes sure that you get plenty of rest, so while you sleep, he tries to keep himself occupied doing something else around the house or playing a game or something, making sure the volume is low so he doesn’t wake you up, but stays in the bedroom so he can watch over you

He’s super relieved when you’re fully healed, but get ready because it’ll be your turn to take care of him now, he has zero regrets though, he’s glad he was able to care for you instead of avoiding you for a week

Levi:

Let’s not kid ourselves here, Levi is GONE as soon as he knows you have Covid

But that doesn’t mean he won’t take care of you–he just does so from afar

As soon as he finds out, your bedroom becomes your quarantine zone

He starts wearing a mask around the house 24/7, even when he showers because he is NOT taking any chances, he refuses to get sick

However, he does want you to get better and his heart breaks at hearing your coughs and groans of fatigue and pain, so he comes up with a plan

He prepares you meals and leaves them outside the door for you, knocking quickly to let you know the food is ready and runs to the other side of the room and waits for you to get your food

It’ll be a relief for you though, knowing that Levi won’t get sick because of you

He’s extra diligent and frequent with his cleaning even though you never leave the room for the whole week, using the connected bathroom in the room to shower and use the toilet; Levi sticks to the spare bathroom and bedroom

He’s a busy, responsible man though so he does continue to go to work; he calls a friend over to watch over you to make sure you have someone around incase of an emergency and someone to make sure you’re well fed and hydrated

His phone ringer stays on for a change incase he receives a call and needs to rush to you immediately

Once you’re fully recovered and Covid free, Levi gets to work in cleaning your spare bedroom because he needs to be back to sleeping by your side immediately; he’d never admit how much he missed having you in his arms as he slept–that week was especially lonely for him and he’s relieved to have you healthy and happy again

Jean:

Jean is another one who is super worried at first, especially when he notices your discomfort

He does stick to keeping his distance from you, but it kills him inside to be parted from you for so long, so as the days pass he gets very impatient

Tries entering your room where you’re quarantining before the recommended amount of days is up, so be strict with him, he’ll listen if you tell him no

Jean pretends to busy himself around the house, calling in for work saying he can’t make it, but his excuse to you is that he’s feeling a little under the weather (lies)

He’ll never admit that he’s worried about you or that he’s calling in just so he can keep an eye on you

He sits behind the door and asks you to sit on the other side of it and you guys have some conversations, but then he feels bad when he hears you cough and tells you to get back in bed so you can rest

Keeps you well fed and even tries to sneakily hand you your food himself, but you have to shoo him away

He can’t wait for the day that he can hold you and kiss you again, he misses you more than he thought he would–not that he’d admit it

He tries to act normally when you’re cleared to end your quarantine, but his giddy smile that slips out a few times gives him away

Good luck getting out of his grip, he’s super clingy for the next few days

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 10/18/2022

[mad-voidling]

(Shoutout to @house-of-mirrors for inspiring the pic!! Go check out their work it’s great!)

Figure it was time to introduce my own silly little guy!! The picrew is slightly jank cause their design is only roughly humanoid lol, but I’m okay with it! I already have some more of its story planned out in my head besides the stuff I’m going to be putting below the cut, so feel free to ask about anything and/or send a calling card my way!! Their name is the same as my profile name

Info

(minor spoilers for Heart’s Desire)

- Agender and Aroace, not exactly out but it hasn’t had any trouble with people questioning them about it (We’re living underground with devils and people with tentacles for f___’s sake!!)

- Awoke in New Newgate knowing their name and nothing else about itself. When asked about this initially, they would seem to space out for a moment before jolting back to reality and seeming to not have heard the question at all. Thus, most don’t ask anymore

- It’s constantly wrapped up in layers of cloth and such, and no one’s seen what’s underneath it, not even Idris themselves. They’ve tried, but for unknown reasons, it’s physically incapable of removing any of it itself. When anyone else tries, they fly into an uncontrollable panic that they never seem to remember once they’ve calmed down

- Quite tall, but not freakishly so yet, probably around seven feet or so

- Has an almost instinctual loathing and mistrust of Mr. Stones, has complicated feelings on the Masters in general but will choose any of them over Stones

- Sometimes, if it focuses hard enough, it can see the night sky, full of brilliant and vibrant stars

- Has a tendency to hoard things that catch their eye, usually shiny stuff but really anything they find interesting. Their organization of their collection seems chaotic, but there’s a logic to it that only it knows

- Occasionally cloisters itself in its lab for extended periods when it gets really focused on some research

- Not a fan of alcoholic beverages, has mastered the art of subtly dumping drinks into nearby plants

- Has… Complex feelings about the other players of the Marvellous. Their relationships with the Bishop and Beechwood are the simplest because they don’t interact/talk much outside of the game. It’s somewhat concerned about both of them for different reasons, but isn’t about to barge into their lives or anything (Besides, what could they really do? Collecting candles isn’t a crime, and Beechwood is a bit beyond help at this point)

- Certainly not friends with Virginia, but they have a mutual respect for each other. They met even before Idris became a player of the Marvellous when they were both after the Correspondence Stones, which Idris won far and square. Their lives have overlapped several times since then, and they’ve learned to get along fairly well

- Not a big fan of the Manager, finds his whole hotel uncomfortable and doesn’t trust him in the slightest. That isn’t helped when it finds out about the whole Tristram thing, which it thinks is a bit too convenient for their liking based on what they know. Also sick of him making his personal issues the problem of literally everyone else (it’s not our fault you’re not over your divorce yet bro). When the Horrors:tm: get to be to much they’ll stay in the Mirror-Marches, thank you very much

- Speaking of Tristram, Idris has a big soft spot for him. It understands what it’s like not to know yourself, to brush your fingertips against memories but not be able to grab hold of them. As soon as it gets the chance it gets his mind back and returns to it to him with zero hesitation. Once everything is said and done I imagine that the two of them + Cora remain good friends

- Mr. Pages confuses Idris immensely. Though the Master doesn’t usually seek them out, when the two do interact, it acts overly familiar with them. Not to an uncomfortable degree, but it’s still strange, and when it breaks into their wine stores, it almost seems to want to tell them something, but never lets it slip. Hmm. They also both share an interest in books, so that and the Marvellous usually ends up being the focus of their conversations

- Loves their work as a Correspondent, despite the inherent danger that comes with working with the Correspondence. It feels comfortable to them, as if they’re coming home. The letters seem to flow out onto whatever it’s writing on, which has led to them getting lost in thought a few times and their clothes catching on fire

[buck-yyyy]

Mike’s Pocket - AKA, Theo losing his goddamn mind over FUCKING fabric

Okay, so I’ve talked about this before, you’ve definitely read about this before, everyone knows about Pocketgate by now—so, instead of reiterating old points, I’m gonna summarize my opinions (and therefore what I’m drawing from for this whole thing) the stuff that we’ve all been over and then I can talk about fun stuff >:D

1. Finn Wolfhard said that the pocket was sideways!

Okay, yes he did say that, but I also need everyone to look at the pocket closely for a second.

See that thick shadow and creasing at the top? The pocket opens from the top, meaning that it can’t open from the side (underneath the triangle) because it needs to be attached by at least three sides—otherwise, it would be hanging off. There is no way for the pocket to open from the side, because it wouldn’t be structurally sound—additionally, we would see the fabric creasing to accommodate that opening, whether or not there’s a cover over it. That triangle opens (we can see that the metal circle is the same kind of snap closure that’s at his neckline), but it’s purely decorative.

2. The triangle points to Will all the time!

HELL YEAH! GONNA GET INTO THAT!

3. There’s a letter in the pocket! Hm. See, this is where I’m torn, because I love the idea, but also, I don’t think it… makes sense? Even folded up notebook paper (because it would have to be folded to fit) would be noticeably bulging (hate that word for…chronically online reasons) against the fabric and noticeably pushing it out. This anon I got a while back makes a good point, but I’m not a huge fan. I just feel that we would see the letter in the pocket, because even if (like the anon said) they’re planning on him having a letter, he wouldn’t have had it in that pocket because changes of clothes do exist, and after several sweat, dirt, blood and grime filled days in the same clothes, no matter how much of a teenager Mike is, he would one HUNDRED percent change out of that thing as soon as he had the chance. No point in keeping it around.

4. Triangle imagery = queercoding!

FUCK yes. The woman in charge of costume design literally said that she purposely incorporated triangle patterns and organization into Robin’s clothing, there’s absolutely zero reason to believe that she wouldn’t do that for other characters that are intended to be queer.

FUN PART NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just finished my fourth or fifth rewatch of season 4 today, and I noticed something kinda neat—it almost seems like there’s… two jackets?

I’ve talked before about my theory that they used interfacing in the pocket (because we know that it’s handmade) to draw our attention to it, and I stand by that based on the way that it moves—in certain scenes.

A fabric that’s reinforced with interfacing will bend, but it will NOT bend the normal way fabric does. It doesn’t quite follow the shape of your body—I mean, it will follow the curve roughly, but it’ll kinda make its own shape. I wish I had an example, but I don’t own any clothes with interfacing, aaand my mom already looked at me like I was insane when I ran in to bend the collar of my dad’s shirt to hopefully get an example, so. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it. 

For example- interfacing in the collar of his shirt to keep it stiff!

NOW, FOR A REFERENCE!

Alright. Here’s a shirt made out of what I’d wager is a pretty similar fabric, although I think it’s slightly more flexible than what Mike is wearing. (If I see any of y’all insulting my fashion taste I Will End You)

When the fabric around it is scrunched, it keeps its shape, yes—but the fabric of the pocket creases slightly in places where it already had wrinkles. And what about when it’s actually on?

I hope you all know I bound my chest (at almost 11pm) so I could make this as accurate as possible without it getting in the way. 

Anyways, see how when my arm is close to it, it bends? Mike’s only does this, like, half the time.

This is a terribly blurry image, but you can see that the pocket is facing Argyle, and is bending perfectly naturally with his arm pressed up against the side of the shirt. It matches the shape of his pose, and it doesn’t look like there’s anything in there. Regular pocket! No interfacing!

Points to Jonathan, and it’s a little stiff, sure, but it's creasing pretty normal. Likely just a stiff jacket.

This one is,,, tricky. It looks pretty stiff, I’d agree. 

But look closely! The black lines are where it creases and wrinkles with the shape of the rest of the fabric, and the white traces how the shape of the pocket follows the shape of the edge of his shirt.

And oh, my favorite ever example (and the reason I’m looking into this to begin with) <3 that pocket is moving NORMALLY and it’s facing EL!!!!! RIGHT AS HE’S SUPPOSEDLY ABOUT TO SAY ILY!!!!!!!!

But let’s look at some examples where it IS facing Will. 

NOW THAT’S AN INTERFACED BEND! JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO PERFECTLY CURVED! Notice the difference between how it’s bending in this versus when he’s with El in the last example! (of course, the difference in pose should also be accounted for, but still. That is HEAVILY drastic.)

FUCKKKKKKK YEAH BAYBEE

STIFF! ASS! POCKET! I mean, it’s nearly straight (heh), whereas Will’s is way more curved. They’re both slouching and facing the same direction. 

(Tracing isn’t perfect but my point still stands.) 

Anyways, I fully believe that there’s two copies of this jacket—one for scenes with Will on Mike’s left, in order to draw attention to the triangle/arrow; and one for scenes without him. Thoughts?

[writingwife-83]

Sherlolly Appreciation Week, Day 4: Sleeping Beauty AU

I really enjoyed the idea of having it be a sleeping Prince Sherlock who Princess Molly is rescuing. This is another short one, but hope you all enjoy! 💤

Awaken (👈 AO3)

Eurus’ blood curdling screech filled the air as she clutched the sword protruding from her chest and sank to the ground, all the evil she’d spread throughout the kingdom disappearing with her, at long last. There was nothing left and she could no longer hurt any of them ever again.

Molly nearly collapsed as well, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath after the grueling battle. But there was no time to rest, no time to waste. She had to get to him.

Rushing to the castle, Molly prayed she wasn’t too late. She couldn’t lose Sherlock, not now. Not after all this. She’d fallen in love with him at first sight in the forest only the day before, but now she knew it went much deeper than that. She and Prince Sherlock were destined to be together. It wasn’t just a dream or some girlish fantasy. It truly had always been him… always.

With every step she took, bounding up the winding staircase to the highest tower, she thought about him as he was just yesterday. Alive and well and quite literally sweeping her off her feet. Molly smiled to herself, seeing him once again in her mind’s eye, dancing in the forest, so graceful and strong. It was mesmerizing to watch, but nothing compared to joining him. When Molly bravely threw herself into his arms and found herself floating through the grass in step with him, it was as if she was lifted into the very air, into a whole new world where she’d never felt so perfectly happy.

Sherlock was shocked at first when he saw her, a little aloof even, but very soon he softened. It did not take long for the connection between them to become undeniable. Molly knew immediately that she was willing to even forsake the betrothal that she had grown up hearing about so often. That didn’t matter to her anymore, not after she’d met this man. Little did she know, she had fallen for the very man who was her betrothed.

Molly reached the top of the staircase and entered the large room before her, the sunshine now streaming in through the windows once the clouds of evil had dissipated in the sky. There, in the center of the room, as if illuminated by the heavens, Prince Sherlock lay sleeping in the ornate bed.

Adrenaline still pumping through her veins, Molly approached and sat carefully at the edge of the bed, examining the Prince, so still and peaceful. She gingerly touched his hand first, then brushed her fingertips against his cheek. Smiling, her eyes then zeroed in on the sharp peaks and the plush softness of his lips, full of life despite the stillness of his body.

True love’s first kiss.

It felt like madness, but it was also the only chance she had. And Molly wasn’t going to hesitate.

Leaning in, Molly pressed a palm to his jaw and allowed their lips to meet, molding together in warmth. For a moment there was nothing but stillness. But then…

Molly felt a gentle pressure and electricity from his lips to hers, and she pulled back, eyes wide with wonder as she watched his open. She grinned at the sight of that mesmerizing blue green that shone back at her as he blinked into consciousness. And for a moment, he was silent, his eyes searching hers in question.

But then she watched something shift as Sherlock pushed himself up on his elbows. As his eyes stayed locked onto hers, she could practically see the wheels turning in his head in realization of all that had happened. Realization of who she really was. Sherlock lifted his hand and gently touched her cheek, as if confirming that she was real, and Molly smiled at the contact. It occurred to her that she didn’t even care that her clothes were tattered from the battle and her hair was a mess. It only mattered that they were together.

Sherlock’s lips parted, a soft smile taking shape even as he spoke.

“It’s you.”

[dragons-hoard-of-fandoms]

Late to the party but making an entrance, Murder Drones Episode 5 is finally out so at long last I can stop with the memes (for now) and share my thoughts on Dragons Rising so far.

Okay, first things first, I'm gonna be 100% honest with y'all: I low-key do not care about any of the new characters. I know, I know, BURN THE HERETIC, I can't really explain it myself. Maybe I'm just too attached to the OGs or haven't gotten to know the newbies well enough yet, but so far all I'm seeing is Average Shonen-Esque Protagonist, Nya 2.0 Catgirl Edition, Cute and Easily Marketable Dog-That-Is-Not-A-Dog, The Only One With A Mildly Interesting Backstory, and a bunch of generic cookie-cutter villains. It's not gonna make me stop watching or anything, it's just that they could all randomly vanish by the next episode and never be brought up ever again and I'd be totally fine with it. Certainly wouldn't be the first time this franchise has completely dropped something out of nowhere and hoped no one would notice.

A'ight, got that out of the way, now to start nitpicking: I don't understand why they're pronouncing Riyu as "Rai-yu." I thought it would've been "Ree-yu," like the dude from Street Fighter, and I'm not gonna say it any other way. And why do they keep trying to convince us that Lloyd had to be trained for years when in reality he mastered Spinjitzu within, like, a month at most? I'm going to assume that either A) He's just blatantly lying to make Arin feel better, because there is literally zero chance that Season Two took place over the course of multiple years, or B) Lloyd himself has absolutely no concept of time and can't even remember that he's, like, an eighteen-year-old in the body of a twenty-three-year-old by this point.

BTW Lloyd please do not try to be like Wu, you of all people should know what being like Wu entails. You're already in the "training child soldiers" phase, you can not go further or else you are going to hit the "keeping way too many things to yourself" stage and you know what always happened when Wu didn't tell anybody jack squat until it was too late. Heck, there is still a very real possibility that the Merge wouldn't have happened in the first place if he'd just been like "hey so all the Realms might start trying to fuse together soon and as per usual you're the only ones with a chance at stopping it" instead of sticking to his "The Apocalypse™ is coming for like the seventh time and all I'm gonna do about it is be needlessly vague and cryptic for no real reason" schtick.

They should not have given Ras and Rapton such similar names, I'm going to inevitably mix them up. Also Rapton you will never be Iron Baron. I never thought I'd say anything positive about Iron Baron but I could actually tolerate him, whereas I just wanna see Rapton get run over by a bus. And not even in a cathartic "I want she-whose-name-we-do-not-speak-in-this-household to be brutally murdered onscreen in such a horrific and violent manner that it'd never be allowed anywhere if they weren't Legos" way, just in the most apathetic "please remove this character from existence" way you can imagine.

I'll give them this, tho, the show itself is gorgeous to look at, and the concept is pretty nifty. And while I may not be completely in love with Sora and Arin, I'm still glad they didn't go the braindead babymode easy route of making the "next gen" series revolve around the OG Ninja's kids (even if it is mostly because it completely avoids the possibility of being forced to endure the timeline where Lloyd actually thought getting with she-whose-name-we-do-not-speak-in-this-household was a good idea). I'm definitely gonna stay tuned for Part Two, even if I'm admittedly not the biggest fan of what we've got so far. Hopefully it's all uphill from here.

(More spoiler-y stuff under the cut)

Wow I can't believe they somehow managed to make a Cloud Kingdom character more punchable than Fenwick. The scrollworms are pretty cute, tho. Also, uh, Euthanasia or whatever your name was, Morro would like to know your location.

DING DONG, THE WU IS DEAD! BAGELS FOR EVERYONE!

So on the one hand it seems like we might be getting slightly more focus on Lloyd's dragon side this time around, but on the other hand we've already had multiple instances where it could've been brought up but just wasn't, which could mean that it's all just more of the same token Chosen One™ nonsense we're used to and this post got hit by Quanish's dodgeball of prophecy. (Seriously, surely at least one of the super-mega-ultra-powerful Source Dragons should've been like "Kid what is wrong with your blood," right?)

But, on the chance that the former is the case...

What if the Imperium finds out about it and decides the weird little Oni-dragon-human grandson of literal God is a far more valuable prize?

Also this is how we can still get Garmadon's dragon half to show up please I am begging on my hands and knees

[silverdragon-imagines-blog]

The New Normal - Pokemon ScarVio Fic

[Major Spoilers for the ending of Pokemon Scarlet/Violet. Also, this is a pre-relationship fic for Florian, Nemona, Penny, and Arven. Some Arven angst and hurt/comfort also.]

Read it on AO3

There was a blank page in front of him. Realistically, he knew that he needed to write and get started on the assignment for his language class that was due tomorrow, but his mind was swirling. Thoughts churned like the waves of the ocean just outside the lab that had been his home for so long. Home. He wasn’t sure he knew the meaning of that word anymore. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh, hearing the concerned ‘boof’ of his Mabosstiff. Arven felt his cold nose pressed against his hand, and he turned, smiling slightly as he pets the pokemon’s head.

“I’m okay, or at least I will be,” Arven finally spoke into the quiet dorm room. Mabosstiff looked unconvinced, moving his head out from under Arven’s hand to bite at his sleeve and tugging him out of his desk chair. 

Arven chuckled, though the sound was quiet and subdued from his usual laugh. He followed the pokemon’s directions out into the hall and down the stairs to the next floor of dorm rooms. Mabostiff let go of his sleeve at one door, getting up on his hind legs to scratch at the door. The door had barely opened before the pokemon grabbed Arven’s sleeve again and dragged him further down the hall. Arven looked behind him to see Penny pressing a hand to her mouth to stifle her giggling. Arven felt his face heat up, but he rolled his eyes as he continued to be dragged to another dorm room.

This time when Mabostiff scratched at the door, it opened immediately, catching the pokemon off guard and causing him to bark. Nemona smirked at the sight and leaned against the door, arms crossed in front of her.

“What’s the deal here, huh?”

“Beats me, he just started drag-”

Mabostiff took the chance to continue his path down the hall again, leaving Nemona cackling behind them. Arven turned to glare, seeing Penny catching up to Nemona and shaking her head. They were both following them now. Great. He couldn’t help the small smile that reached his face at the thought. He knew where he was being dragged soon enough, as the last door was already partially open. Mabostiff nudged the door open with his nose, then dragged Arven the rest of the way inside, barking when he reached the kitchen. Arven sighed, covering his eyes with a hand as he heard the sound of giggling.

“Seems someone thought you needed more company than just him, huh, Mabostiff.”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him. One minute I’m sitting at my desk working on an assignment, and the next thing I know, I’m being dragged all over the dorm halls.”

“Yeah, I call bullshit on that, Arven,” Penny spoke as she entered the room, Nemona following close behind. Penny climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged against the wall.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, dude, you look stressed and not great from what I can see,” Nemona spoke up, bouncing on the bed as she sat down.

“What is this, pick on Arven day?”

This was when Florian stood up from his desk and walked over to Arven, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t make us worry about you more. C’mon, you know you can talk to us, right?” he asked, brows pinched with concern.

“Yeah, there’s just not much to say.”

Arven looked away, staring at the wall instead of meeting the concerned gazes of the people he treasured though he would never admit it out loud. After Area Zero, most days, it felt like they were all he had now. 

“Well, if you aren’t gonna say anything, then I guess I gotta start saying something,” Nemona spoke up, leaning back on her hands, “Today was so boring! I barely saw any of you, and classes were so dull! We didn’t even battle during battle class!”

Florian laughed, letting go of Arven’s shoulder to turn to Nemona, eyebrow raised.

“We were literally in a class with new students who had only just gotten their first pokemon. Of course, we weren’t gonna battle!”

“Well, we could’ve battled each other at least!”

“Both of you are crazy,” Penny shook her head, chuckling, “though I guess math class wasn’t very interesting today either.”

“It’s math. Math is never interesting,” Nemona replied, deadpan. A round of laughter met her statement.

“If we’re talking about uninteresting classes,” Arven spoke up, the other three looking at him expectantly, “Language class was all review and an essay, and I am not looking forward to that.”

“I’ll admit, that class is more difficult than I thought,” Florian sighed, “I’m not looking forward to that essay either.”

“Oh yeah? What about history class, huh?” Nemona crossed her arms, “It was already stuff we knew! We even saw most of it ourselves during the treasure hunt!”

The mention of Area Zero, however vague and off-hand, caused the room to go quiet. Arven could feel himself tense, though he tried to will his mind to focus on the present, the now, instead of everything he had seen and heard back in that cold dark lab. The others seemed to know precisely what Arven was thinking about. The next thing he knew, he was being led by the arm to Florian’s bed, his expression brokered no discussion. Mabostiff made himself known by knocking into Arven, forcing him to land on his front on the bed with an ‘Oof.’

“Good dog,” Nemona laughed, petting Mabostiff behind the ears as he wagged his tail.

Arven picked his head up to glare, Penny giggling at the sight that only she could see from her spot.

“Stop that,” Penny flicked his forehead, “He had the right idea. You need to stop thinking about it.”

“Yeah, try and do something to take your mind off of it. We could have a pokemon battle if you want.” Nemona offered, but Arven waved her off, moving to sit up on the bed.

“I don’t think that’ll help, but thanks though.”

Florian crossed his arms, looking at him contemplatively.

“What can we do to help? You’ve got three people here who are more than happy to help you in whatever way we can, you just gotta talk to us.”

Arven flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. No one spoke, just looked at him and waited, though the barely concealed worry they each held slowly changed their expressions. Mabostiff hopped up on the bed, walking in a small circle, then settling down with his head on Arven’s chest. Arven didn’t react for a moment, but then reached up to pet his pokemon’s head. Then he sighed, but it was evident that he was trying to hold back tears.

“I just can’t anymore, I guess. My mind is a mess, and I just keep replaying everything that happened in a loop. And then…” he trailed off, covering his eyes with his unoccupied hand. “I don’t really have a place I belong to anymore. Home doesn’t exist for me now, and I don’t think it ever did.” He whispered so quietly that no one picked up on it at first.

They could see him start shaking, quiet sobs that were enough for him to shake where he lay. Mabostiff whined, nuzzling his face up against Arven’s chin. The other occupants of the room registered what Arven said, and they exchanged heartbroken looks as Arven continued to cry. This couldn’t continue like this, not when they could all try to help as much as they could.

“Hey, hey.” Nemona spoke up, gently laying a hand on Arven’s shoulder “Arven? Please don’t say that.”

“Home doesn’t have to be a place,” Penny scooched up, shifting closer, “And you do belong, no matter what you may think.”

“Belong where? You don’t have to lie to me, Penny.” Arven’s voice was thick with tears, and it only hurt their hearts more to hear.

Penny huffed, then leaned forward to lay over Mabostiff and look Arven in the eye.

“You belong here with us, dumbass.”

“Penny’s right, you know,” Nemona said, laying on her side to be next to Arven and looking him in the eye, “You think we’d leave you alone after all that mess? All that time we spent together just shooting the shit? No! You’re stuck with us now.”

She smiled, wide and brightly, nudging him with her leg. Florian spoke up next, grabbing onto the hand Arven had over his eyes and holding it.

“We love you, Arven, and we care about you so much.”

“Love, huh? When did that happen?”

Florian sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding Arven’s hand, and sighed.

“You remember when we first met at school? You apologized for being angry, and I forgave you immediately. When you talked about your goal too, I was so willing to help you because you looked so excited about it. And then, when we fought that first Titan? I could tell there was more to finding the Herba Mystica than you let on. I promised you then, after the second titan, that I would help as much as I could. I think it was soon after that that I realized that I care for you a lot, maybe more than a friend should.”

Arven looked surprised, then Nemona nudged Florian away.

“Alright you sap, you talked enough,” Nemona said, and Florian laughed, willingly falling over to Nemona’s push. “I’ll admit it, I thought you were a jerk at first, Arven. But when we were in the crater together, I realized that you weren’t such a bad guy. Just a guy who dealt with so much in such a short amount of time. I wanted to help then, and I want to help now. I may not feel the same as sappy over there, but I care for you so so much. And I mean,” Nemona blushed, “Maybe someday we could be more than friends.”

Arven blushed then, looking away and meeting Penny’s eyes. She started blushing, too, pulling her hood up to cover her face.

“I-I’m not as good with words like these two dorks, but yeah. I knew about you before, s-since I may have hacked into the school’s registry to find out who was enrolled, but w-when we all went into Area Zero was about when I realized you were more than just what your school ID said. I m-may not know you as well, but I’d l-like to.”

Arven was bright red, staring up at the ceiling. Then he covered his face with both hands.

“You guys,” his voice cracked. 

Everyone laughed, nudging him and poking fun at his reaction. He laughed after a little while, then carefully nudged Mabostiff off of him so he could sit up. He wiped his eyes, then smiled. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you guys?”

Florian shook his head while Penny and Nemona leaned against him. Florian leaned in, and kissed the top of Arven’s head.

“Just by being you, and that’s why we love you.”

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2023 Movie Journey #5: Ant-Man

ant-man. i loved this movie! it’s just an all-around good time, one of the best franchises in the whole mcu (for me, it’s now my second-favorite, after black panther). 

and the story of me watching this is a fun one: i bought my ticket to see  quantumania before i had ever seen this one or its sequel, presuming based on the cast and everybody i know liking these movies that i had really zero chance of regretting that choice. i just barely squeezed in these movies after buying the ticket--i watched this the night before going to the theater and then i got up early to squeeze the sequel into my morning before i left to see ant-man 3.

because of that time crunch, though, i didn’t fully review these after watching them. i took notes that look more like stream of consciousness bullet points, and now it’s like a year later and i have to make those make sense! lol. here goes.

first off, the action sequences in this movie were way more dynamic because of how it played with the size shifting, and as somebody who desperately needs a reason to care about action sequences, i enjoyed that. they kept it interesting. on top of that, it had so much heist and warmth and fantasy science that this movie balanced the (for me, excessive) action.

i got a full-blown anxiety stomachache during the big heist, because i liked all of the characters and didn’t want any of them to get hurt. special mention here goes out to ant-thony the flying ant: i loved him as soon as we met him, and i also had an instant fear that he wouldn’t survive. thanks, honey i shrunk the kids, for permanently scarring me emotionally as a child. now i am an adult who is terrified of bugs but also has to let them live in my spaces because i cannot kill them. 

scott lang is probably the most sympathetic superhero, though of course that’s subjective. but even though he’s not my favorite (that’s been shuri since black panther), the fact that he only cares about two things in the world when we meet him--and that’s his daughter, and punishing greedy evil rich people and helping those they hurt? just, excellent. this is marvel doing leverage, and i have no complaints.

the graphics of the ants are done really well in this, the cgi wasn’t annoying at all...but they still squick me out. i just don’t like bugs. ant-thony deserved a memorial from scott, though. i didn’t like the feeling that he was replaced by a giant ant pet at the end like all ants are interchangeable. scott had bonded with him! i get that during the action he couldn’t exactly stop and reflect or anything, but either you named your ant friend and you’re genuinely bummed he died, or it’s a punchline and you’ll never think about him again. i prefer the latter.

and like i said, i loved all the characters, but luis’s monologues in the form of attempting to relay important information are the literal best. he is me anytime i try to tell a story. ”i just get excited and stuff.”

my one character exception is the guy played by bobby cannavale, because i just had no use for him, lol. in fact, i didn’t even realize it was him! i kept thinking bobby cannavale’s character looked kind of like bobby cannavale, but not actually like him, through most of the movie--until i was looking something else up and saw his name in the cast. scott’s daughter was great for lots of reasons but her total unimpressedness with bobby cannavale delighted me because i felt the same way.

i thought they handled making scott and hope romantic very well. the actors have good chemistry so i was rooting for them, but the push/pull between  antagonistic and flirty is difficult to do successfully, and they could only move things along so much from her open resentment towards him in the beginning to them being a team by the end. this was too lighthearted a movie to spend much time on Them, so just nodding to it and then making jokes and moving along felt right. 

also i loved that anthony mackie was in this. i’m really not familiar with his character, i saw age of ultron but barely remember it, and i double checked--i’ve never seen any other mcu movie sam is in. BUT i do know the actor, from the hate u give and elsewhere and he’s excellent. so he was a cool choice of character to include and it gave me a nice way to see a little more sam.

the end bits were neat, too. i really love that in hope, they created a genuinely strong female character--not always nice, in fact sometimes an asshole...aka a real person just like male characters are allowed to be. so it felt earned when she realized her father was finally going to work with her at the end. 

and while i find it annoying, as a mostly non-viewer of mcu movies, to have bits with totally other characters and worlds shoved in after the film is over to weave the worlds together and try and make you care about it all...i adore anytime a movie is like ‘X will return’ because when i enjoyed the movie, it’s like a little concluding gift to promise me more--i was really happy when shang chi did the same. 

in the end, my biggest takeaway from this movie is that it is a rare crowd-pleaser. this is one of those movies that, when you’ve managed to avoid watching it for eight years and everybody is eager to tell you how great it is, you can feel a little suspicious of the hype. but it IS that good! as soon as i saw it, i showed it to the one person i knew who hadn’t already seen it, and despite her doubts going in, she also loved it. 

so i can recommend this one to almost anybody, and i wish more movies like this still got made, that are lovable for broad audiences. (i get that marvel movies in general make obscene amounts of money, but i certainly don’t care about most of them, so that’s not what i mean. i want more action movies that make an effort to appeal to people besides action fans. clearly it’s possible!) 

if you have a serious aversion to ants, i would probably advise you to steer clear. but if you like thievery or dads and daughters or michael douglas or a brisk romp with science, this is a really great movie.

[smellslikesulphur]

thinking about npd shin again :( i think i project way too much onto him but i really understand him (discarding) his previous identity and sense of self when he feels threatened

tw mentions of m/dor/

npd is literally like that all the time . when you feel a blow to you or your ego you can't help but feel unsafe and like abandoning who you were comfortable being and being seen as.

you do what it takes to be the best version of yourself when you know you're in deep shit. you want to prove for one last time that you're better than everyone, even if you really hate yourself.

shin discarded himself as a whole as soon as he found out that he had no chance, which is silly because any NT (or non narcissistic person in general) would have just accepted their fate and gone through with it and not go through a whole identity discarding process and just- ?! he's so dramatic but hes understandable tbh

also im convinced that he based his egos needs from midori B4 the death game there's no way he didn't i mean look at what he did to his personality when he found out he had a zero percent chance. he turned himself INTO (what he perceived) midori. that's fucking NPD EP behavior if i see it.

hes actually good (questionable but somewhat positive) npd rep because everyone likes to make us out to be monsters but even when shin has his moments where he's an absolute ASSHOLE to poor sara he still shows that he's human and he has empathy even in stressful situations or in ways where it isn't verbal

ex: begging for kanna to be spared, giving sara the joe ai

working with nao even though he did not trust anyone at that time but still decided to put his faith in her

i think it's just me but npd seriously warps your view on people and if theyre trustworthy or not.. you take the compliment from them but you stay wary because you know you could risk getting an ego high if you stay attached

also im convinced he had a npd rage moment throughout the whole death game he was just going towards everyone's throats but also not really because he has his soft moments where you can see the real shin come out

also i think he has it because obvs one big factor of npd is being heavily pampered or neglected and i say he is BOTH

shin probably had parents who neglected him emotionally but gave him good tech!

[dr3smile]

I think he hasn't really decided yet but the way he talks I get the feeling that a sabbatical seems like the most likely option.

He probably is still waiting for the Alpine seat to be decided. He doesn't seem to be a likely candidate which in my biased opinion is kinda stupid as he definitely is one of, if not the best available option lol. Last week their CEO talked about needing a experienced driver who can get big points right away so that description doesn't fit most names being thrown around and to me sounds like he is describing Daniel because it's literally what he did at Renault. However maybe the rumors that Luca de Meo doesn't want to sign him because he left the team are true or he is too expensive.

With Haas and Williams I feel like his pride and standards are too high. I kinda would want to see him go to Williams tho because they seem to have more potential. Haas did this season what they have done a few times, start the season strong and then drop off because they stopped development. With Williams it seems like Latifi makes the car seem worse than it actually is. Alex has had good performance and Nyck's debut showed that at least on some tracks the car can be strong. Jenson hinted at them getting more investment so it could be a good fit.

I get your fear that if he takes a sabbatical he might be forgotten but then again Hulk has been out for 3 years and is being considered despite having zero podium in 9 years in F1 lol. I still agree that the likelihood of him getting a good seat that he apparently wants isn't really gonna improve for 2024.

Honestly as long as he is happy with what he is gonna do I guess it's gonna be okay but I really need him to announce something soon because all of this is driving me insane 😂

I agree the waiting is the worst part of it all. I’m sure it’s so much worse for him and his team are working on things. Every rumour that comes up and doesn’t mention him I lose all hope but then again they’re just rumours. I also feel like the salary wouldn’t be an issue seeing as Mclaren are already paying his full salary for next year.

I also feel like Hulk has opportunities because he’s also a reserve driver so he’s around and in peoples minds more. So if Daniel doesn’t get the chance at a full time seat I hope he chooses a reserve driver role that’ll give him the best chance for 2024, either that or Indy, even though he’s said he isn’t interested in any other series. It’s all a waiting game at this point, I’m so impatient so it sucks. At least we’re in this together 😂

[catboyebooks]

so here's an angle i wanna take this from: let's talk about asimov's 3 laws of robotics and their relevance to the events of this chapter. i may have already repeatedly mentioned that chapter 4 is basically a whole-chapter zero escape reference, and that zero escape characters have a habit of delivering infodumps on seemingly random and esoteric topics, like the symbolism of four-leafed clovers or morphic resonance theory or the very sexy mummy that was aboard the titanic when it sank. of course, as you continue playing it becomes clear that this is all relevant information for understanding the game's themes and story. sonia's little infodump about the 3 laws of robotics midway through this chapter deserves to be examined more closely, i think, given this context.

to explain the 3 laws really quick in case anyone isn't familiar, they're 1) a robot cannot injure a human or through inaction allow a human to be harmed, 2) a robot must obey an order from a human unless it conflicts with the 1st law, 3) a robot must protect itself unless this conflicts with laws 1 or 2. there's also a less-often-cited "0th law" which takes precedence over the other three and states that a robot must not harm humanity nor allow humanity to come to harm through inaction. i don't recall sonia mentioning the 0th law specifically (i regret not taking screenshots of this part!) but i think that's worth considering here as well.

now uh... nidai's obviously not the first robot/AI character in danganronpa and there's never been a hint prior that robots and artificial intelligences in this universe are 3 laws compliant. i'm not saying that i think nidai is literally bound by these laws, because i don't think it matters whether or not he is — these are the principles you'd kind of expect nidai to be abiding by anyway. this is the guy who only got turned into a robot in the first place because he used himself as a human shield between monokuma and owari, and as soon as he returned to the group in robot form he fucking did it again. nidai has already made it clear he would rather put himself in harm's way than let someone else in the group die. i don't recall specifically if gundam overheard sonia talking about the 3 laws (i think he did, but i'm not certain), but either way nidai's kind of the only person he could have picked for his plan. not only did his robotic attributes like the built-in clock and the sleep mode button allow for gundam to trap him in a way he couldn't have done with another person, nidai's personal principles &/or the 3 laws ensured that he would have agreed to enter into a suicide pact here for the good of the group. his fate was sealed the moment he encountered gundam at the tower. to make this clear let's consider the alternate ways this might have played out:

if nidai prioritized his own survival here, he could have overpowered gundam easily. however, killing gundam would have resulted in a very difficult murder case to solve, and if nidai got away with it the rest of the group would die, which is obviously something nidai does not want (also not 3 laws compliant). if nidai killed gundam and then simply confessed, it would have had the same end result (both of them dying, the rest living) as agreeing to go along with the suicide pact. an actual physical fight between the two of them wouldn't have been a fair fight and i don't think nidai would see any honor in winning a fight like that.

alternately, if nidai simply left (or incapacitated gundam without killing him, though this would not have been compliant with the 1st law) and then warned the others, there wouldn't have been enough time for someone else to plan and commit a murder. remember everyone but nidai was on the verge of total collapse from starvation at this point, and nidai himself would have run out of power eventually. this was really their one chance at ensuring everyone else could survive. neither letting the others starve nor letting himself succumb to power failure would have been 3 laws compliant, and it wouldn't jive with nidai's principles either.

when nidai awoke to find himself suspended in midair, he could have simply had a panic reaction and struggled causing the wire to slip free of the door handle. he instead exerted so much force that he tore the handle free, leaving crucial evidence for the others that allowed the case to be solved. it would have been very difficult to prove how the trap worked if the wire loop had simply slipped off of the door handle. of course, either way nidai would have died, but there was an action he took here (and we know it was a purposeful action because of the sheer amount of force it would have taken to get those handles to budge) in order to try and ensure the case was solvable and the others could live. this is again 3 laws compliant. protecting himself (3rd law) was out of the question, but he could still protect the group (1st/0th law).

i should be clear that at no point is it directly, explicitly confirmed that this was a suicide pact. that's something that has to be inferred here based upon what played out. the 3 laws being invoked is part of what makes this clear. the other main factor that makes this obvious is that this is a parallel with 1-4, where sakura killed herself to save the rest of the group — this is the same chapter where komaeda points out that the killing game they're in is mirroring a previous killing game, and there's a statue of sakura in the funhouse, so it's obviously something we're meant to be thinking about.

[percontaion-points]

A Four Letter Word chapters 2 & 3

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 2

She did, however, meet the requirements—blonde, leggy, beautiful, and smart—but has zero sense of humor, and her personality didn't shine. Evan needs the exact

opposite of Amanda; someone who is funny like him and shines like he does.

Hey hey hey... no. We don't trash on other women just to make yourself look better in comparison.

I grab my winter coat and my purse. "Yep, let's go." I’m as ready as I’m going to be.

Chapter 2 summary: They leave the sexy costume shop and go to Dave & Busters (an arcade that sells mid-scale quality food, but also has a bar, so it's for sure a more mature place than a place like Chuck E Cheese). Evan perks up a little bit now that he's no longer being tortured into wearing a literal loincloth. Zoey thinks that it's weird at how self-conscious he is over the entire thing, and thinks that he should be on the cover of a magazine... but ignoring the fact that it's psychological about not wanting to be mostly naked in front of strangers.

She goes on for a while about how when they were in high school, she always felt like she was in Evan's shadow. But when they got to college and were in different classes, she had her chance to shine. And holy fucking shit, nobody cares.

Later, Zoey's friend Ashlee does her hair. Zoey complains that Jane would not have had access to a curling iron in the jungle, but Ahslee insists that she's doing her to look like the female lead in “One Million Years BC”. Also, Ashlee's costume is “sexy cowgirl”, if anybody gives a shit. (I don't.)

Chapter 3

Although Ashlee is a one-man woman, and right now her one man is Jim. The two of them have been going out for a few months now. But as we continue to make our way through the busy streets, she surprises the shit out of me when I ask her if Jim is meeting us there as well. She matter-of-factly states that they have broken up. It is a complete surprise and news to me. When I ask her why, Ashlee simply says he wasn't her soul mate. She just knew he wasn't the one. She will find her soul mate soon, she promises.

At this point, so long as we don't have a repeat of the shitty best friend who continuously tries to undermine the main character's love life for her own shitty gain... We're good.

I don't care about any of this, but still. This is passing that particular bar.

"Ooooo, someone already knows about butt squeezes." Then the bee smacks my ass.

Quick question: would any of you slap the butt of a person that you literally just met not even two seconds ago?

“Mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmm, aren't they just delicious?"

[Image description: Kristen Wiig on Saturday Night Live, wearing a bad blonde wig and a baby pink top. She has a look of absolute shock, disgust, and horror on her face. Image is captioned with “I had to read this and so do you”.]

"When your monkey's giving you a 'hard' time, do you spank it, or can I spank your monkey for you?"

[Image description: Emma Stone with her red hair in a ponytail and a ribbon in it, while wearing a yellow shirt. She has a look of disgust and horror on her face. Image is captioned with “I had to read this and so do you”.]

Her eyes finally blink, and then four words come out of her mouth. "Found my soul mate."

My eyes travel the expanse of the room and zone in on what or who she's looking at, and that's when I see a very gorgeous blonde cowboy.

I'm all for absurd meet-cutes, but not only deciding to date somebody simply because they're wearing the same kind of costume as you are, but also deciding that you guys must be SOUL MATES is beyond weird and shallow.

I look up at Evan and he smiles back. Yep, I believe in soul mates.

Chapter 3 summary: Ashlee and Zoey walk to the party, and as they go, Ashlee gives a last-minute warning about the party hosts, Geoffrey and Patrick. Inside the apartment, Geoffrey shows up and he basically... “gays all over the place” is a phrase that pops into mind. (My phrase, not the books.) Like everything else in the book, this takes up way too much time, is cringe inducing, and after about two paragraphs of this, I started skimming and searching for the actual plot. Patrick, his boyfriend/husband shows up and the two of them basically start dry-humping in front of everybody, which only just makes it worse.

Evan shows up with his brother, Brett, and Brett's girlfriend, Nina. Brett and Nina are “doctor” and “sexy nurse”, as if the book needed to highlight the disparity between men's and women's costumes. Anyway, Brett makes a fuss over the literal lingerie Zoey is wearing, which is fair.

But then everybody suddenly leaves for various reasons, and Zoey is left alone with Evan. Since Ashlee had run off with the cowboy, and had called him her “soul mate”, Evan asks if Zoey believes in soul mates. She scoffs over the idea, but inwardly thinks that Evan is hers.

[angel-biter]

not to exclusively complain on here but my ex who tried to manipulate me to get in my pants when I was 15 bc he fetishized trans ppl just friended me on snapchat on a new acc after I blocked his old one 😀 cool! I don’t know what to do here!