#but anyways. fair warning in advance. n i will delete this once i stop being insane blah blah blah

[space-coupe]

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[koushisatori]

if you can't believe in others, at least believe in us

kyoutani x gn!reader

genre: as ordered: a bit of angst w a touch of comfort

warnings: one (1) big jealous idiot, miscommunication

word count: 5.4k

note: this is smth an anon asked me to do (but like...nearly a year ago, I'm not sure if anon is still there or if they remember and my dumbass deleted the ask so I just beta-ed through whatever I had but I know they called me out on enjoying jealous characters so here we go) I'm sorry, mysterious anon, I'm stupid </3 Anyway, that's that. I don't remember if reader was supposed to be female or not so I made it gn!reader (but if I forgot to change something, pls tell me so I can fix any errors c: It's also my first attempt I apologize in advance)

In the beginning, you weren't sure why your boyfriend is ignoring you

You can't remember doing something that would annoy him, nor do you remember an instant of anger in his eyes that would give you a hint about his reasoning to stay away from you

He explained early on that sometimes he just needs a day of distance because Kentarou could feel the anger simmering right under the surface, enough that something small could tick him off already, and he would hate if you were on the receiving end of this unexplained fury

Both of you also made sure to promise each other to clearly communicate, the relationship between the two of you would not last long if you're not properly telling each other what might be bothering or hurting...just in general cross a boundary

Communication probably was one of the most important aspects of your relationship

cue to the actual situation: your boyfriend avoiding you

So, Monday evening you think maybe it's this overwhelming sensation of unexplained anger and that something at morning practice ticked him off completely

But then Tuesday comes and goes, and your boyfriend had avoided you all day long, did not even bother to read your messages,

on Wednesday, you try to talk to him, but all he does is glaring at you with a look that leaves you speechless and kind of heartbroken,

Thursday is the day you're replaying everything you did on Monday, trying to find something that he could have misunderstood, yet no matter how hard you think about it…your brain won't come up with a reason that explained why Kentarou was so upset with you!

So you decide to make him talk to you on Friday

Enough is enough, right? For gods' sake, he is your boyfriend! You miss him and his strong arms that give hugs so warm that you melt right into them

You don't get a second alone with him until school ends

you practically sprint out of the school building over to the gym, knowing that he had a free hour, which means that he is probably the first person there - your only chance

There he is, sitting with his back to you, aggressively chewing on a bun filled with chicken - his usual that reminded him of his favorite dish - glaring holes into the ground

After taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you carefully aks: ''Kentaro…Ken…?'', slowly stretching out your hand, wanting to rest it on his shoulder to maybe help to soothe him a bit

he flinches instead and his heated, agitated gaze meets your eyes, making you recoil in return

''…will you talk to me, I miss you…'' you say softly, realizing how it hurt being ignored by him

''Ah, suddenly you miss me…'' he spits, narrowing his eyes ''…didn't fucking seem like it the last time I saw you…''

''Kentaro, baby, I have no idea what you mean,'' you plead, keeping your voice low to hide the desperation lacing it, confusion written all over your features

all Kyoutani does is growl, hopping down from where he's sitting while shouldering his gym bag

''...shouldn't have been so flirty with Shittykawa like that then-'' he grumbles - ''Ken, I didn't-'' you insist, but he continues ''twirling your hair, batting your pretty eyelashes at him, fuck you Y/N, if you want him, then feel free to take a fucking leave" Kyoutani cusses, not even listening to you

You shake your head, ''Kentaro, no, you totally misunderstood the situation,'' you follow up, panic seeping into your voice now that you knew what he referred to, ''I love yo-''

''Tsk'', he moves to leave

you try to take his hand but, instead of turning around, Kyoutani just rips it away from you, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket

from behind you, you hear Yahaba and Oikawa approaching (talking about Volleyball and Captains duties)

once they guessed what must have happened, they offered you their help (they both swear that Kyoutani will never ever find a ''cute s/o as you are, y/n-chan, I'm worried for my little angry pomeranian kohai'' )

Usually, you would try to talk to him, but after enduring a week of radio silence and now this treatment, you were tired of upholding something that seemed like a lost cause

you just wave both setters off and leave the school grounds, a frown plastered onto your lips and tears swimming in your eyes

Kentarou had not listened to you, did not even really look at you, and the few seconds he did, his eyes were filled with rage instead of the warmth he had usually reserved for you (and only for you)

If your boyfriend thinks avoiding you for a week and blaming you for something ridiculous without hearing you out is how you handle a relationship…maybe you would have to consider not pursuing it any longer

Which is easier said than done

The whole night you wait for a message, anything, and then all Saturday morning

you still had hope left

You get one from Yahaba, who tells you that Oikawa tried to clear up the situation as well after the reason for your fight dawned on him (Kyoutanis piss poor mood and behavior towards him a strong indicator) but Kentaro, again, just ran off

The future team captain even called you after your lackluster answer, listening to you getting the frustration and sadness out of your system

It didn't matter, right? Your boyfriend decided to unofficially call it quits by implying that your feelings for him were not genuine instead of using his mouth to talk to you and disregarding everyone involved

as if he wanted to ignore the truth as a convenient excuse to get out of your relationship

that's the conclusion your brain came up with

You softly sniffle in the privacy of your room, clutching a pillow to your chest (which has seen more tears in the last two days than in the past three years), deciding that it would be a good idea to go into the city to treat yourself

knowing that your mother has a hair-dresser appointment somewhen today, you go and announce that you would join her to finally buy the latest season of your favorite series

once there, you additionally get microwave popcorn, chocolate, and ice cream, as well as a pretty shirt you saw on a mannequin while window shopping

you feel a lot better after spending some money and ignoring the lingering sadness of your presumable break up with Kyoutani (who you love ok, it is not that easy)

In between your stops, you meet Iwaizumi and Oikawa munching on fatty burgers (celebrating your cheat days like a holiday and indulging in whatever your heart desires, is what makes it easier to stick with healthier habits the rest of the time was the questionable explanation coming from the brown-haired setter, pointing at you with a soggy potato fry)

after a moment, the setters eyes turn sad, a frown replacing the smile on his lips

he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you from going just yet, apologizing for being the cause of your fight and for being unable to talk some sense into him

(you assure him that it is not his fault, knowing that your friend will probably brood over it otherwise, which wouldn't be fair)

Iwaizumi adds that Kyoutani will come around and that his cooldown time is just longer than those of other people (and if not, he will give him one of his famous volleyballs to the head and use his status as only truly respected senpai to talk some sense into him) but you again decline their suggestions

after saying goodbye (and seeing Iwaizumi give his best friend an assuring gentle pat on his shoulder, the secret softy in the usual harsh ace shining through)

If Kentaro was willing...able to throw away your relationship this easily, he can't possibly really love you, and you'd accept this even if it's hard and painful

Now remembered of what you had attempted to forget about, you feel your eyes sting with unshed tears (you thought there was no possibility of you having more tears to spill, yet the impossible seemed to be the case) you look down at your phone to text your mom and frown

Kentaro 🥰: we need to talk. Kentaro 🥰: meet me there [location]

For a second, you hesitate, biting your lower lip harshly…you really want to go and talk to him but…

The tears still sting in your eyes and blurring your view reminded you of what you had gone through the whole time, and that it was his turn to finally come to you

break up or makeup, the ball was in his court now

so while walking to where your mother would be waiting for you, you begin to type

You: No.

You: I waited for you all week, even though you ignored me, and now you expect me to run the moment you choose to stop being a childish idiot?

You: if you decide to speak to me then comqjdkn

Kentarou wouldn't say he feels particularly bad. Not at all! If someone was to ask him, he would probably answer fucking peachy, what the fuck are you asking for or growl angrily. No one would bat an eye and further question him, nor guess that maybe he wasn't as great as he pretended because he missed his gorgeous better half, but…it was his fault, wasn't it?

Of course, he originally thought he had a valid reason to be upset. And if he had just spoken to you about it, everything would be solved now. Instead of being a decent boyfriend, though, his pride overtook his thinking processes once he realized that his behavior wasn't even the slightest bit justified. Not that he knew this when he saw you speaking with Shittykawa right before school. All he could see was his gorgeous s/o shyly fiddling with her fingers, conversing with a leaned forward, very involved Oikawa Tooru. He would have fetched you away from the brown-haired setter. He had no qualms about showing his possessiveness. God, Kentarou wouldn't have hesitated to growl at the tall, brown-haired boy if not for the question he heard coming from the Captain.

''Y/N-chan, how is it that you, an adorable, charming individuum, is with a brute like Mad Dog-chan? I really-'' Well, that's where he decided to leave you with the setter. He didn't need to hear your answer. Didn't want to witness an excuse or maybe the truth. If both of you were so fucking smitten with each other to flirt this blatantly, why don't you just go and cheer for him, hold his hand, and kiss his cheek goodbye? It was his choice to distance himself.

Kyoutani couldn't help the feeling of betrayal and hurt washing over him. Maybe you just used him as a stepping stone to get closer with Oikawa, and Kyoutani has been too blind to see it. He never doubted you or your relationship before, but it's not a secret how eruptive Kyoutani could be. It has always been beyond his imagination how someone so cute and sweet like you could love a person like him. Your friends thought so. The teachers. The whole school! Everyone questioned your poor judgment. And when you came running up to him, you're cheery voice calling out for him, everyone present looked at you like you grew a second head. It's the reason why seeing you with Trashykawa ticked him off so bad. It catered to his biggest insecurities and fears. He knew that all those skeptics would be delighted to see you, everyone's darling, with the schools' star setter. They all would agree that the pretty, handsome young man is a better fit than the always hostile-looking troublemaker.

While Kyoutani didn't take Oikawa seriously in most cases, he undoubtedly was one of the most devoted people Kentarou had ever met. If Oikawa wanted to get a new serve right, he wouldn't stop trying and repeating it until his legs gave in, and Iwaizumi dragged him out of the gym. When he wanted to find more advanced players to practice with, so he could, in return, give this new knowledge to his team, there was no way he would not manage to make it happen. Even if his ideas, wishes, and plans cost him blood, sweat, and tears (like getting Kyoutani to actually train), Oikawa never backed down. Kentarou had heard that Oikawa's last girlfriend dumped him because of his passion for Volleyball. Yet Kyoutani couldn't help but think that, in you, the ambitious setter would have found someone that would be able to handle it. You usually came over to watch the team when you knew that Kyoutani was there to play. You sat on the stands with your homework in your lap and a Seijoh-coloured pencil wiggling between your fingers, not bothered by the noises coming from the court. You play with your earlobe while you frown at whatever problem you came across. You patiently wait for practice to finish. Kentarou was sure that you'd be someone Oikawa would actually try for. You weren't one of his squealing fangirls, hanging from his arm on every opportunity, but his friend. You didn't pester him to take selfies with you while pushing cute bentos into his hands. When you bring food to practice, then it's for the whole team to share. If he wanted you, Oikawa would probably have to win you over and make sure that you'd stay. Courting and all that jazz. In all seriousness, Shittykawa would be a fucking idiot if not.

The dyed-blond wing spiker had been so sure that he was rightfully mad that he didn't stop to think twice before he reacted this coldly towards you. But, and this made it even worse, Kentarou knew that he was wrong the moment you asked what happened after an entire week of enduring his silent treatment. The second he heard your shaky voice and saw the tears welling up in your eyes, his brain rebooted, and suddenly he wasn't so sure of his own reasoning. You two were together for about half a year. Kyoutani - by now - was confident in his ability to identify most of your expressions. All he could decipher in your eyes was pain, paired with a need to understand, but…if he was in the wrong…it would mean that he had hurt you the whole week, which in conclusion implied that Kentarou had been the world's shittiest boyfriend. Fuck, he thought, I don't deserve y/n.

His situation didn't get any better the moment Oikawa entered the gym. The person Kyoutani thought he had a real reason to despise now tried to mend the rift between the two of you.

''Mad Dog-chan, I think you misunderstood something there. Well, no, you decided to not listen-'' The taller male says, hands gesturing wildly. While his voice still had that annoyingly cheery tone, it had something commanding hidden underneath. And oh, how Kentarou hated when someone demanded something of him, even if it was for his own good. ''Don't want to hear it.'' the blond mutters, already aggravated. The brown-haired setter resolutely puts himself in the way again. ''Oh, but you have to! That morning, Y/N-chan literally declared her love for yo-'' - ''I don't fucking care.'' Kentarou barks, not looking Oikawa in the eyes.

After another fruitless attempt to get properly into the gym, he growls and turns to leave. Already on his way to grab his stuff and take a leave, he hears Oikawa yelling. ''You answered and justified why I asked Y/N-chan to begin with!" And then louder, even though he could make out Iwaizumi trying to wrestle his childhood friend back into the gym, "APOLOGIZE, YOU IDIOT! YOU BETTER GROVEL FOR Y/N'S FORGIVENESS! THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS SHOW YOU'RE PUTTING ON, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

This happened on Friday evening, and the guilt was gnawing away on him ever since. On his way home, Kyoutani had automatically taken the detour to your house. Kentarou enjoyed bringing you home (and more often than not, you pulled him inside with you, making him cuddle you!). It makes him feel like a good boyfriend, and he knew that you arrived there safely. He would never tell anybody and deny it if you ever decided to share this, but Kentarou relished in the feeling of your hand holding his all the way while going on about your day. He admired that you'd pet every cat and every dog you meet on the trip home together with him. You were perfect for him…why again did he act like this?

What caused Kyoutani's attempt to apologize - in his usual overly blunt and partly aggressive kind of way - was Yahaba, though. Both boys denied being remotely something beyond 'not really enemies'. But his future team captain was definitely one of the very few people that could and would tell him to his face that he fucked up without real repercussions. He would presumably even help Kyoutani to get it together.

After Yahaba had called you and listened to your heartbreaking rant, the setter realized that you, his friend, and his 'not really enemy' needed to talk ut out. Totally immersed in your tirade, you accidentally let slip that you couldn't endure Kyoutani's treatment any longer. That being pushed over by your boyfriend with brash and hurtful words after handling the cold shoulder was too much. That you expected Kyoutani to break up with you on Monday either way. In-person, if he had mercy on you or continue his treatment as a silent method of doing so. While you told Yahaba about your planned ''get over it-self-care'' weekend (involving tons of ice cream, movies with crying guarantee, lots of blankets, and no smartphone), the setter had already put on his jacket, shooting a message to Kyoutani.

From Yahaba: get your stupid fucking ass outside to meet me, or I'll bench you the complete season next year

Even though the wing spiker was sure that Yahaba's words were nothing but empty words, Kentarou allowed himself to accept this threat as an excuse to put his pride aside. Because, even though Yahaba annoyed him to no end - not as bad as Oikawa but still - Kentarou was also aware that you and he were friends. If someone could help him gaining your forgiveness, Kyoutani had to accept and admit that it was Yahaba. Meeting his light brown-haired teammate was kind of awkward. Kyoutani was unsure what he had to expect, though he should have seen the rough treatment coming. Yet, getting told that you, the person Kentarou was undeniably in love with, felt so neglected and hurt that you deemed this relationship to be as good as over allowed the guilt monster in his chest to grow. Shitty Oikawa was probably right ordering him to grovel and beg on his knees for you to even hear him out.

Your answer to his message was partly unlike you. Well, the last sentence. You usually were pretty forward with him to avoid miscommunication and uncalled-for moping around. And while you sometimes send keyboard smashes to express the chaos you felt, they were always in a separate message and not so…random. The text definitely meant something like ''then come to me'' but somehow, Kyoutani had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing.

Besides, he couldn't just wait till Monday and hope that you'd accept his apology! You may send him away today already, but he still had a teeny-tiny bit of hope. If he let the thoughts of him leaving you or the other way around fester in your mind for two whole days, though,…you'd probably realize that leaving him wasn't that bad of a decision. You'd come to the conclusion that all your admirers could treat you better than Kyoutani did. And he was too selfish to let you leave. Even though all he did the whole week was being self-centered and stuck up, he would be damned to begin being a saint now and let you go. That you at least were willing to talk to him was…a relief, to say the least. Kentarou hoped that this translated to you being willing to put up with him a little longer if he apologized correctly. That you're not opposed to giving him another chance to make things right.

At your house, he was greeted with darkness. Not even a single light illuminating any of the rooms he could see from his spot on your front lawn. And the ones he saw were your and your mom's most-used rooms. Your room window, your mothers' workroom, and the living room area with an adjacent kitchen. All of those rather significant rooms and the lack of light in them seemed to be a dead giveaway for Kyoutani that no one was home. Kyoutani guessed that you were probably out with your mom, glancing over to the empty spot in front of the garage.

Oh god, your mother had been the only supportive person of your relationship. Maybe it's in your family to see the best in everyone, even in shitty people like him. But if you told her about his behavior, she'd most likely not welcome him with a smile ever again, no matter if you forgave him.

There weren't many things Kyoutani could do in this situation, but it wasn't as late as nature let it on, and after a few seconds, he had decided to sit down at the front door and wait for you, hoping that it wouldn't take too long for you to come home. As if fate wanted to tell him something, the wing spiker had put on the jacket with the half-full power bank. He had worn it to the shelter when he visited it this week while distracting himself from your absence in his daily life. You had gifted him the piece of clothing, which is probably why he unconsciously had decided to wear it to everything he did after school in the first place.

Kentarou passed the time by snarling at people eyeing him for a moment too long to not be judgmental, petting the neighbors' cat wandering over to him, and watching videos. Every time he thought ''Y/N would like this'', his heart stuttered guilty.

To Kentarou, it felt like an eternity until your mother's car finally drove up the entry. To avoid your mother's potentially deadly stare, he nervously checked his mobile, realizing that he had waited for a little more than 3 hours. Yet, the wait had done nothing to soothe his nerves. They instantly spiked up again while his heart threatened to jump out of his throat.

She will hate me. Your mother would hate me, she'll hate me, she'll ha-

''Ah, Ken-chan! Good evening.'' Your mother greets him with a tired, yet still gentle smile. Oh. The blond blanches. He'd never admit it, but he enjoyed the treatment he received from your mother more than he should. Being spoken to without suspicion and receiving a warm smile every time without fail was a welcome change to his daily life. Your mother didn't listen to people trying to bad-mouth him. To her, he simply was the boy that - normally - treats her child the way a mother wished for. Even if he pulled a face as long as a fiddle.

''I didn't know you were coming, Ken-chan, or I would have messaged you…but now that you're here, maybe you can assist us out and help Y/N inside? It would help a lot.'' His gaze immediately flitted over to you on the passenger seat. With your arms crossed in front of your chest and that stubborn but endearingly cute pout on your lips, he nearly missed the tiredness your body emitted. Kentarou wanted to rush over to your side immediately but was stopped by your mother again. ''I don't know what you two are fighting about…but please talk to each other. I don't want my baby to be this sad. Especially now, and…'' she rests a hand on his shoulder, her eyes kind and comforting ''…I also don't want to miss you here, alright?'' He stiffly nodded and watched your mother carrying in plastic bags filled with various medicine packages and food.

After coming back to his senses, Kyoutani finally stumbled over to your side, practically ripping open the car door. This new perspective revealed a plaster cast wrapping your whole left leg and a removable wrist brace on your right hand. ''Bab- Y/N…what the fuck…happened?'' His honey-brown eyes continued to wander over your injuries, and with every second, he found more. Scratches and scrapes, bandaids and bandages peeking out from underneath your clothes. ''I'm so sorry,'' he whispered, hanging his head low.

All your intentions to fight his helping hand and limp over to the door by yourself disintegrated into nothing. You never witnessed such a devastated, beaten expression on his face before. Instead, you settle for ''Will you help me?''. A question asked quietly to your fingers picking at a loose band-aid edge on your arm and pressing it back onto the irritated skin.

After you loosened your seatbelt, he waits for you to carefully place your arms around his neck. It is followed by Kyoutani lifting you out of the car so gently as if he was afraid you might break. This whole situation in itself already contradicting his brash appearance and usual behavior. It would give whiplash to all the people pretending to know him. But he was always caring in his own way when it came to you. It's why you loved him after all. Because you usually knew that he loved you, too.

For a few moments, the atmosphere between the two of you felt awkwardly tense, both of you unsure how to interact with each other. The mostly blonde wing spiker breathed out a sigh of relief when you fully leaned into his chest once he stood upright, resting your head against his shoulder. A bit of maneuvering through the front door eventually lead to Kyoutani passing through the hallway and taking you to your room, where he was gently lowering you down on the bed.

It was a now or never kind of situation. For the both of you. While Kentarou was trying to find out where to begin his apology, he took a few steps back in case you wanted space until everything was cleared up.

You unconsciously helped him making a decision by impulsively grasping onto his shirt the moment he started to withdraw, stopping him in his retreating movement. Kentarou saw your lower lips wobbling, teary eyes looking up at him pleadingly.

''Please stay,'' you say weakly, which is enough for him to throw the whole thinking process away and simply sit down next to you, intertwining both your hands. ''I'm staying. I'm not leaving. Not now nor this relationship if you still want...an ''us''. The wing spiker took a deep, shuttering breath. '' I'm sorry, Y/N…'' he finally manages to say, honey eyes locked onto your linked your hands. ''I have been fucking stupid all week. 've been a fucking terrible boyfriend, the worst to ever exist.''

As if to encourage him...to show your boyfriend that his apology was not for nothing, you shuffled around until the last bit of distance between the two of you was closed. You hum, acknowledging his words while leaning your head on his shoulder.

''I didn't think you're cheating or something, …'' Kyoutani immediately assures you. There was no way he would allow you to think that he would accuse you of something like this. ''I had no reason to be jealous, but I was insecure. Let it get the best of me. Despite our promise to communicate, I was sulking. 't was easier. I'll do whatever the fuck you want for you to not give up yet…'' he says, taking his time with every sentence.

With a sigh, you squeeze his hand. ''It will probably take a lot of cuddling and attention from you...'' you say thoughtfully ''...but I forgive you…if you promise to not do this again…'' you murmur, tilting your head upward to press a chaste kiss to his jaw. ''Otherwise, I'll accept Iwaizumi-san's offer to get your thinking process restarted.'' For a moment, your voice had its usual joking edge. But you knew talking out everything was necessary. ''But, in all honesty, 'Tarou....please, never do this again. I am honest. I will not endure this a second time. When you tell me that you need a day or two for yourself then that is totally fine. If you feel yourself giving into whatever insecurity, talk to me about it. I am sure there will be an explanation or a solution but don't leave me in the dark. Don't treat me like that. I love you. Only you and no one else. But the time love can withstand straight-up ignorance by your partner is limited.''

Slowly, your boyfriend nodded, squeezing your hand to tell you that he understood. You would probably cling to him for a while but were sure that he would survive the extra closeness. Not even half a second later, his head leans onto yours cautiously.

''…and try being nicer to Oikawa-san, Tarou, he hasn't done anything to you.'' You add humorously before small giggles started to erupt from your lips. ''Also...Baby…'' you start, being interrupted by choked-up hiccups and giggles. By using your nickname for him, you take away another persistent fear of his. What he does not miss, however, is how you wince in pain before you continue, ''…who helped you put this into words? I mean…I loved it, but…,'' You leave unsaid that words usually are not his strong fort.

Biting back a smile, he frowns, huffs, and puffs…, but the way you are looking up at him, eyes shining with relief and adoration, allows him to admit defeat. He sighs ''…it's how Yahaba said I should say it…'' It usually would be an odd enough statement to make you throw yourself all over him with laugher. As a slight replacement, you squeeze his hand a bit, still shaking with suppressed laughter. ''I promise…that I will talk to you. Can't promise the Shittykawa part.'' Another soft chuckle leaves your lips before you look up at him again. ''I hope you try nonetheless. You should not let Iwaizumi-san hear you calling Oikawa-san that, though, I don't think this would turn out well for you…so...maybe stop this at least.'' Kentarou rolls his eyes at you, but in the end, he nods.

You wait for another second to clearly distinguish the two topics before you continue. ''…Thank you…for coming and finally speaking with me instead of break-'' A hand on your lips muffles your words.

''Don't say these words. I'd never break up with you,'' Kentarou grumbles, a light, uncharacteristic light pink settling on his cheeks. You stick your tongue out, which leads to him taking his hand off of your face with a surprised noise, rather dumbfounded that you had licked his hand. It gives you the chance to lean up and finally press your lips against his. ''I'm not leaving you either,'' you murmur, feeling his lips twitch upwards slightly. You decide to leave the teasing for another day.

Moving back into your previous position was enough of a hassle to hiss in pain. It brought back Kyoutani's awareness of the second problem at hand. ''What did happen to you?'' Kyoutani asks in an attempt to tamper down the excited, happy beating of his heart.

''Oh, this...uh, when I answered your text, I got driven over by a dude on a bicycle,'' you casually drop. It was kind of entertaining to watch his expressions change at an unequaled pace while processing your words. In the end, it settled into something akin to passive-aggressive worry. The way he was immediately fretting over you while cursing and cussing out the bicycle dude was his own way of caring. As you watch him retrieving the food your mother bought, while mumbling about how you're a dumbass for not paying attention to your surroundings, how he'd come over every day until you could go to school again to bring and teach you the stuff you would miss and how he would fucking murder the bicycle idiot if he ever finds out who dared to drive you over, you can't help the smile forming on your lips.

Once again, you are proven that loving him - while occasionally troublesome and demanding - was everything but wrong.

[starryseo]

date. | hwang hyunjin

this gif?? is a godsend??

pairing ↠ hyunjin x gender neutral!reader

genre ↠ some poorly-written fluff? slight enemies to lovers?? detective au! 

wc ↠ 3234

summary ↠ friday evenings shouldn't be spent staring at case files. luckily, the universe has made plans for you.

warnings ↠ a biiit of swearing

a/n ↠ wow this is long overdue! hope you all enjoy reading this :') sorry in advance for the awkward spacing, i wrote this on a google doc first (and deleted it like a dumbass) so ig the copy+pasting got weird.

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Normally, Friday evenings would be spent at home, under several warm blankets and dim lights, your only company being a tub of Cookies and Cream ice cream, enough sweets to make your teeth ache and Chris Evans (he may be in your TV screen, but, for now, that presence is more than enough). But, clearly, Captain Woojin Kim has it out for you since he’s kept your squad and several others back to fish through a ship load of paperwork. You’re certain he’s adding more manila folders to your toppling pile each time you blink, your hands ache as you swap between signing papers and typing up incident reports.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, you notice it’s only been half an hour of filing, the clock’s hands ticking just past 5 o’clock. You reach for the mug of coffee that your Captain had so graciously gifted you before dropping the paperwork bombshell. Groaning at the realisation that your mug is now empty, you drop your head on the table. This wasn’t supposed to be a normal Friday evening; sure, filling in reports were different plans to your usual Netflix and chill, but on this particularly fine Friday, you actually had plans. Real plans. You hadn’t been extremely thrilled earlier this week for the blind date your friend had set up for you today, but now? Anything would be better than listening to Jisung repeat every single thing he was writing and typing and thinking. No amount of coffee could ever give you enough energy to deal with him.

You let out another groan, stretching your arms above your head, before grabbing your coffee mug to get a refill. Suddenly, you become a coffee boy as Jisung, Seungmin, Hyunjin, Felix and Minho -- who wasn’t even part of your team -- thrust out their arms, each of them holding an empty mug begging to be filled once more. Rolling your eyes, you walked straight past all of them to focus on your own mug. You laughed when they muttered curses, most choosing to continue with their reports. You set up the coffee machine, listening to its dull droning tone until the door swings open behind you.

“Thank you so much for the refill, y/n,” Hyunjin drawled, sarcasm slipping easily between his words, as he stood beside you.

“Anytime, Hyunjin.” You were not in the mood for Hyunjin’s quips -- especially not because he looked perfectly energetic when you could barely keep your eyes open. You huffed when the machine stopped working, letting out a long groan. “Stupid machine!”

“Step aside, let the master work his magic,” Hyunjin boasted, bumping you aside with his hip as he stretched his arms out in front of him, lacing his fingers together to crack them. He whacked the side of the machine harshly, grinning when it sputtered back to life, “That’s magic, baby!” He turned to you with a smirk, raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that was so impressive.” You deadpanned, nudging him back in a similar manner. You placed your mug under the dispenser, pressing the button to fill it up.

“Worked like a charm,” his smirk never left and he turned to face you, leaning against the counter.

“Oh, definitely, I’m swooning,” you rolled your eyes -- a common gesture whenever you spoke to Hyunjin -- before grabbing your mug and stepping away.

“I knew you’d fall for me eventually.” He stayed unmoving, brown eyes practically teasing a reaction out of you.

And that was exactly why you could never have a proper conversation with the man. You’ve had your fair share of cocky men -- interrogating overconfident pimps was never your favourite task -- but at least you got paid to deal with those rich guys. There wasn’t enough money in the world to incite you into a willing conversation with Hyunjin. To the others, he was an absolute angel, going out of his way to help them, always cracking jokes to lighten the mood; to you, he was the devil’s incarnate: constantly looking for new ways to annoy you, taunting you at every possible instance -- the only time he’d gone out of his way for you was when he nitpicked through 5 of your cases, correcting any spelling mistakes and gaps. Long story short, Hwang Hyunjin was annoying. Great at his job -- there was no doubt about that -- but infuriating nonetheless.

“Anyway,” you sighed out, “goodbye, Hyunjin!”

Just as your free hand grabbed hold of the door knob, he yelled, “Wait!” Another sigh left you as you dropped the handle to turn around, raising a brow at him. A smirk briefly fluttered across his face, not quick enough for you to miss and it left you mentally questioning why you were still listening to him. “I heard you had a date tonight.” He watched you carefully, eyes meticulously observing every slight movement you made; you bit your tongue, not wanting to play into his games. When you gave no visible response, he continued, “Is it true?” He tilted his head innocently, but he was far from it, and you knew that.

You were sure he knew the answer to his own question, so why bother asking? To annoy you, of course.

“You’re a detective, work it out.”

-

Shutting your last folder, you heaved out a long sigh, rubbing the fatigue from your eyes. You were finally done. If you left now, you’d make it back to your apartment with enough time to shower before you needed to get ready and leave.

You grabbed the set of files you had just completed, pushing yourself away from your desk to put them away in the correct places. When you get back to your desk, Captain Woojin is there and you’re already dreading what he has to say.

“You’ve finished, right, y/n?”

Great. He probably had a ton of files in his office that needed completing, if the load in his hand was reflective of anything. He was probably watching and waiting -- like some sort of apex predator, a ravenous shark -- for someone to finish so he could dish out even more files, because who makes plans on a Friday evening? It wouldn’t hurt to lie to him, would it? No harm would be done, right?

“Yeah, I’m done.” You couldn’t lie. It would just hurt your conscience. Maybe this was a sign from the universe to not go on that blind date.

"Great, I can take those files for you, could you just drop this package off at the front desk?"

"Yeah, no problem." Could it be? Freedom? "Is that all?"

"Yes, thank you. Wouldn't want to keep your date waiting, right?"

The smile that had just started forming on your face was instantly wiped away when you saw the small grin on his face. He stacked the remaining files in his hand on Hyunjin's desk before leaving. You barely registered the snickers that left Hyunjin and Seungmin as you said your goodbyes and finally took leave.

Why did you ever think telling Felix about it was a good idea? Damn Detectives and their love for gossip.

-

It was a rush job but you made it on time. Getting home was fairly quick since you missed the rush hour traffic, and you're pretty sure that was the quickest you've ever showered and gotten ready in - if your date didn't appreciate all this effort, you were going to flip.

The place was fairly fancy -- low lighting, regal colours, the whole shebang -- and when the waiter led you to the reserved table, you couldn't help but look around at other diners' plates. Seriously, where was the rest of the meal? What was the point in having great tasting food if it barely filled you up? The pizza place a couple of blocks down seemed much more appealing right now, but you had to at least try to have fun today. 

15 minutes. It had only been fifteen minutes but your eyes were drooping and your date still wasn't here. Once another ten went by, you picked up your phone and messaged the oh-so-amazing friend of yours that had set up this date in the first place.

You: chan???

You: hes not here and im tired, can i go home now??

Chan: He's not? :(

Chan: One sec, I'm messaging him

As you waited, you decided rubbing your freedom in Felix's face was a great pastime.

You: you still alive??

You: actually no, is jisung still alive or have you finally killed him?

Felix: killing him would just be more paperwork that my ass can't handle. I'm seeing folders every time i blink, put me out of my misery

You: you're still there??

Felix: lmao no, the Mins and i escaped, and Cap kicked Sung out when he started singing I Want It That Way

Felix: so your boy Hyunjinnie is the only one there ;^) must be a shit date if you're here texting me, but you could go in and keep him company if you know what i mean ;)))) 

You: i have no idea what you mean

After seeing the series of hearts and kiss emojis he sent you after, you came to the conclusion ignoring Felix was a much better pastime.

Chan: Shit

Chan: Asshole's not replying to me

Chan: I'm sorry y/n :/

Chan: Wtf he left me on read wtf

Chan: I'm pretty sure he's already given his card details to that place, rinse his money

After confirming with your waiter, who probably realised that you had been stood up, you decided to make good on what Chan said and buy some food. If the guy wasn't going to show up, you weren't just going to let an open tab go to waste.

You ordered two of the most expensive meals off the menu and a slice of cheesecake to lift up your mood.

-

Why did the precinct have to be there on your way back? As soon as you passed it, you remembered what Felix said about Hyunjin still being there. You wondered why he was staying back when the others had gotten out earlier, and you blame that reasoning alone for why you turned your car around and headed into the building. 

He really was there. Legs on his desk, keyboard on his lap, typing with one hand and drinking coffee with the other, Hyunjin was a sight to behold. His shirt was crumpled, sleeves creased from being rolled up, and his hair was wild, sticking up at gravity-defying angles. You watched as his eyes skimmed over the text on his computer, unblinking even as he took another sip from the mug.

"Wow, you look like shit." You grinned, dropping the takeaway bags on your desk. You laughed when your presence startled him into jumping, coffee splashing down his forearm, chair rolling away from his desk, keyboard hanging dangerously over the edge.

"Y-You're back?"

"Clearly," amusement never left your eyes as you watched him fix his dishevelled state. You tossed the box of tissues on your desk to him and he smiled in thanks. Once he had finally wiped away the mess, picked up his keyboard and tamed his hair, he leaned back in his chair and swivelled to face you. 

"Bad date?" The smirk on his face did nothing to make you forget the vision you just saw, and you would not let him have the upper hand.

"I just saw you singing Thank you, Next, don't try to mock me."

"I'll buy you coffee for a month if you don't tell the others?"

"Two months."

He huffed, but agreed anyway.

"And you have to get it from Carla's place."

"But that's so far away," he whined, pouting and all.

"I got the whole thing on video, so…"

"I'd be honoured to go!"

After a couple of minutes of (strangely comfortable) silence, you spoke up. "Have you even eaten yet?"

"Must've been a real bad date if you got takeaway," he snorted, rolling his chair to your desk before leaning an elbow on it, "What've you got?"

You pulled out the three containers, pushing one over to Hyunjin. "Ooh, Valentino's, how fancy." He rolled back to his desk, rummaging through a drawer to pull out the cutlery he had stashed there. You did the same as he shimmied back -- you had learned, rather quickly in your first week here, that it was best to keep your dishes safe in your desks if you wanted them to stay clean.

The food was still fairly warm as you ate, but, like all fancy restaurants, there was barely any food there to eat. Even after you split the cheesecake, you could feel your stomach on the edge of rumbling, and taking one look at Hyunjin told you he felt the same.

"You up for Chinese?" He grinned, licking away the remnants of cream from his fork, "I'll even pay."

"You done with your reports?" You glanced at his abandoned computer as he groaned.

"I hate Cap."

You laughed as he dragged a hand down his face, letting out a tired sigh. "He gave you more?"

"Well, yeah, sorta, I kinda asked for them."

"You deserve this then." You chuckled, curiously continuing, "Why'd you do that?"

At that, he chanced a glance at you before looking down at the fork he was twiddling between his fingers. "He was gonna give 'em to you, but I told him you had a date."

You narrowed your eyes at him, "Now why would you do that?"

He shrugged, as though he hadn't just lightened your load despite your rivalry, "You had plans, I didn't. Plus, you could use the break," then, in true annoying Hyunjin fashion, he smirked, "you look like shit."

You didn't dignify that with a verbal response, choosing to kick -- not so lightly -- him in the shin. You grinned at his yelped curse. He leaned down to rub his leg, pouting, "I was kidding- fuck, that hurts, you look…" he took the chance to scrutinise your appearance, eyes dancing with mirth as you shifted under his gaze. "You look okay."

"Okay?"

"Fine." He huffed, "you look fine. Alright. Decent. Nice."

He had rolled back to his desk before you could recognise his rising blush or form a reply. Was that supposed to be a compliment? He was so focussed on his screen now that you decided it must have been a compliment if he was shying away from you now. You smiled at that -- seriously, y/n? falling for the enemy? -- before you grabbed the used cutlery, going to the break room to wash them.

-

Once you finished washing up in the tiny sink, you headed over to Hyunjin. You hid your smirk when he tensed up ever so slightly as you dropped his cutlery on his desk; he took extra care in keeping his eyes on his screen, but you still noticed the slight hitch in the way he tapped at his keyboard, giving away his nerves to your trained eye.

Was he seriously still nervous about having given you a compliment? Did he regret it?

You said nothing, however, choosing to head back to your own desk before leaving the precinct. Without so much as a goodbye, Hyunjin watched -- eyes downcast, yet you'd never know -- as you walked away.

-

Hyunjin was a detective. A damn good detective, and he got your signal loud and clear.

Taking your reports from Woojin was a leap of faith, of sorts; he never intended on telling you that he took them -- or worse, why he really did -- but he thought that lightening your load on a Friday evening was a nice gesture and possibly a step in the right direction.

He thought, for once, the universe was working out in his favour, because even though he had piled on more work for himself than necessary, the stars aligned and you were brought back to him. God, his internal monologue was dramatic.

It was a crush. For the past three weeks and four days, Hyunjin had developed a somewhat crush on you. The teasing continued, of course, but the longing gazes he gave you -- which, thankfully, you never seemed to notice -- made him awfully aware of how much he liked spending time with you, even if you were spitting fire and mocking him.

But now, your rejection was blatantly obvious. Like a siren wailing right in front of him, he got the message. You completely ignored his compliment -- a sad attempt, really, but it was something -- and Hyunjin knew you knew what he was really hinting at (y/n, you look more than just okay, you look--) but words, it seemed, just weren't his forte, and he swivelled his chair away before he had to face the disgust that probably painted your face. And you said nothing. The silence that followed was deafening because he realised his shitty compliment -- yes, he'd finally come to terms that it was pathetic -- had made you feel so awkward, so uncomfortable, that you couldn't even speak to him; instead, he had to listen to water splashing, cutlery tinkling and you walking away.

--stunning.

-

He wasn't asleep. He had half a mind to just shove whoever kept poking him and not letting him wallow in his arms. He was allowed to be sad: the person he kind of, maybe, possibly, had feelings for had just up and left him alone in an empty squad room, he could pout for a few moments longer. The incessant nudges didn't poke through Hyunjin's bubble and it made him wonder, one, who the hell was still touching him? and two, what was the goddamn time, because he was sure the pokes had lasted forever and a day, and he still had two more reports to go over.

On a newly-thought-of third note, it made him finally aware of the scent of spices weaseling into his pity party.

His head snapped up, jaw dropping only slightly when he saw it was you.

Really and truly, you. 

Holding Chinese from that one store just down the road.

Fucking finally, you muttered, but he was still shocked that you were here, on your own chair, but right beside him, with more containers actually filled to the brim with his favourite food from his favourite place.

But more importantly, you were right beside him.

"Dig in," you murmured, waiting for him to start eating first.

You were momentarily blinded by the grin he gave you, before he began eating and you followed.

After you finished eating -- hunger thoroughly sated -- you decided that maybe spending some more time with Hyunjin wouldn't be so bad.

No, you were only going to stay because technically these were your reports and you didn't want to owe him any favours he could use against you. It wasn't because two weeks and five days ago you had developed a small, barely there, practically non-existent, crush on the man beside you.

It certainly wasn't because you were totally aware now of the way he was smiling at you as you proofread the final report.

And it most definitely wasn't because his lips had your own turning up into a smile.

"You're staring." You said, eyes skimming through line after line of police work.

"I know."

"Why?"

"Because…" he trailed off, scooting the slightest bit closer as his arm snaked around the back of your chair so he could roll you even closer too, "you look--"

-

yo pls tell me wtf this is bc i have no idea. it's almost 4am, im at 11% but ya boi is done™ hope u liked this bc i had no idea where i was going with this, the idea was a lot cuter in my head but oh well :'') 

[scarlettswxtch]

Darkest Side of Me | 2

Characters: Bucky x Reader / Steve x Reader

Summary: You’re recruited as a new Avenger with powers unlike any other. With a tragic past blurred from birth, who will be at your side when you realise who you truly are?

Word count: 2,400

A/N: I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORIGINAL POST. Lol. So sorry to anyone who wondered what happened but please let me know if you enjoy the Bucky and Steve thing or if you’d prefer a Bucky x Reader only fic. I apologise for any spelling mistakes in advance.

On another note, I’m terrible at summaries 😬. It’s changed from my first one if you remember it, just felt like it didn’t describe it well enough. Hope you guys enjoy anyway!! (P.S. I’m SUPER sorry for the late posting I’ve been so busy). Message me if you’d like to be on the tag list :)

Warnings: This fanfiction is M Rated, and the men (really only Steve and Bucky) will all be dominant guys, if you’re into that sorta thing. So..beware cause some chapters may be smutty ;)

DARKEST SIDE OF ME

PART 1

You woke as the sun rises like a canopy of gold, bright amid the blue, bidding the stars to take their nightly rest. As darkness surrenders, every colour changes from tinges of charcoal to a vibrancy.

 A third cup of coffee was now nestled perfectly into your hands as you stood outside the compound’s kitchen balcony. The avenger’s facility was truly impeccable with its finely trimmed grass fields and blue coastal views. When you had returned from your encounter with Bucky, you sat in bed restlessly, wondering what was so magnetic about him. After millennia of being alive, encountering countless beings, human and alien alike, none of them had made you feel such a strong state of wonder as that damned soldier. There was something about him - his gaze, how it so daringly held yours, the way his presence could make your heart skip, mind wonder. It was ridiculous. He was a stranger you had met merely 24 hours ago. Yet, it was intriguing, made you want to know more. It was seldom someone made you feel this way and you wondered what the fates were trying to tell you.

 You closed your eyes to the lullaby of the ocean, breathing in its poignant salty breath, sighing in silent content. Quiet mornings were your most cherished part of the day.

 “Mornin’.” You hear behind you. Startled, you whirl around and almost spill your coffee everywhere. A splash of it lands on the floor and thankfully not on you. You’d think a goddess would have a little more grace than this, you think to yourself and scowl at the now brown spot on an otherwise perfectly pristine floor.

 Your eyes turn to meet a lovely pair of wonderfully azure orbs now shining with amusement. You gather yourself, your scowl deepening...which apparently only adds to his amusement because he chuckles.

 “Good morning, Captain.” You say, unimpressed with his humour. Inner you squealed at his sudden presence. Steve Rodgers was like a GQ model with all the charm in the world.

 He sauntered over to your side, keeping a friendly, and (unfortunately) professional distance. “How you settling in?” He says, his eyes level to yours.

 You didn’t miss his loose grey t-shirt, which quite frankly did nothing to hide his very obvious god-like build. The muscles of his biceps flexed with every slight movement and damn if you didn’t want to reach out and take your time tracing each ridge with your fingertips. Maybe even your tongue. You wouldn’t be opposed to either. Jesus Christ this guy was hot.

 Your eyes snapped to his. If he noticed you checking him out, he gratefully didn’t show it. Although, you assumed he was used to swooning women. “Fine,” you said, your voice holding a hint of hoarseness that he didn’t miss. “Might take a little getting used to, but everyone seems great” you finished, with a smile.

 Steve nodded and gave you a smile of his own. “Yeah it can be tough, first coupla days”.

 “The whole welcome committee made me feel more at ease”

 “Yeah, you stick around long enough they’ll start to feel like family” he said sympathetically, correctly guessing family was a sore spot for you.

 Your eyes turned to him, unsurprised “You read my file.”

 “Always do my homework on new recruits” he explained “Fury runs files through us before approval...it’s not often someone gets recommended for the team. When Fury found out about you, and what you could do, he wanted you on board ASAP. We didn’t protest.”

 You raised a brow “So I got the Tony and Cap stamp of approval? I’m flattered”

 He grins “No doubt your file is quite impressive, the team could definitely use someone like you on our side. Thor didn’t seem thrilled with the idea the idea, though. He protested to say the least.”

 You chuckled, but there was nothing but bitterness behind it “Yes. I can imagine” He raised a brow and you looked away from him in memory. It didn’t go unnoticed that he wasn’t part of your welcome party last night. Odin disliked you for reasons unbeknownst - Thor and you were the best of friends, once upon a time. He took pity on you, swearing to convince his father to allow you refuge on Asgard. Days later, he returned with a wary look on his face, claiming to know ‘who you really are’. You never saw him again.

“Long story,” You told Steve.

His hand gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze and his next words were said like velvet, “If you ever need to talk, I have all the time in the world. Literally,” you appreciated Steve, he was like a beacon of safety and warmth. The kinda guy that would take your deepest, darkest secrets to the grave because he promised.

You smiled at him warmly. It was unlikely you’d take him up on that, but you were grateful for his sincerity. “I’ll keep that in mind” He simply nods in response.

Moments later, he sighs loudly before downing all his coffee, placing the cup on the table beside him and turning to you with a mischievous look in his eyes. “Wanna spar?” He asks, both hands on hips and lips tipped up in challenge. You raise a surprised eyebrow and he grins “What? Scared you’ll lose?”

 You chuckle, appreciating the change of topic. “I see you didn’t do all your homework on me, Captain” you say, placing your unfinished coffee on the table. You levelled his challenging gaze with your own, “Both know I could beat you with my eyes closed” you retort, teasingly, and he smiles with wonderful curiosity.

 “I did read your file. Thoroughly” he retorts, stepping closer to you. You suddenly felt very small against his ridiculously tall frame. “You’re enhanced. Healing powers, fast reflexes, better than any Soviet-trained assassin according to SHIELD” he stopped with pointed humour “although I’m sure Bucky and Natasha will contest that”, that made you scoff. “Besides, new recruits need training”

 “I’m impressed. Although I think you’ll find your time as a popsicle has nothing on my literal thousand-year-old experience.” You said with a grin

 “Oh, so that’s how we’re playing it?” He asked with a hearty laugh and right then you were certain no galaxy in the world could show you anything more pleasant.

 “Hey, you started it Cap, I’m known for my retribution”

 “I’m sure you’ll go easy on me” he adds.

 You gave him a smirk “No promises”

 ~~~

 “You okay down there, Cap?” You say, your voice trembling with humour.

 Steve Rodgers looks up at you from the hard floor of the training room. Salty droplets flow down his face like soft summer rain, dripping onto the concrete as he sits to regain his breath.

 He lets out a huffed breath and repeats your earlier words “I’m impressed”

 You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, eyes shining with obvious pride. You had just taken down the world’s favourite golden boy with nothing but a few fight moves. Needless to say, Cap had some good moves of his own and had almost got you down a few times. Then again, you are of a completely superior alien race, so you’d give him some credit.

 “Well, not like Fury to employ any average gal- “you began, before a strong hand wrapped around your ankle and you were suddenly falling down, moments away from head butting the floor before strong hands wrapped around your waist, guiding you to land quite snug on Steve’s lap.

 He gave you an amused look “You were saying?” Suddenly, you were very aware of his warm hands against your waist and you couldn’t think of a better feeling.

 Actually...maybe you could...because right now your hands were resting on his chest and holy hell does it feel nice. All you wanted to do was rip off his shirt and set it ablaze. In fact, you wanted to march to his room and set all of his shirts ablaze. It would be a blessing to all humankind to watch Steve Rodgers walk around shirtless, all the time...24/7...would definitely add years onto someone’s life. Especially if they had their hands on him, just like this.

 He squeezes you as if you gain your attention, his eyes twinkling with amusement because he had very obviously caught you checking out his chest. You blinked, sure enough your cheeks were now stained pink. Thank god mind reading wasn’t on his resume.

 You cleared your throat “You distracted me, that’s cheating. Besides, I’m not using any of my abilities on you. Fair game and everything” you finish with a smirk.

 “Thought you weren’t going easy on me?” He said teasingly.

 “You could’ve let me fall and you didn’t.”

 He grins “Yeah, I had a good reason”.

 You raised a brow “And what would that be?”

 You feel his hands softly squeeze your bare waist and your breath hitches. “Didn’t wanna ruin that pretty face of yours, darlin’” he says, and inner you sighs in upmost content. Well...damn. Safe to say Captain America could charm anyone’s pants off. You were just happy this time they were yours. His hands move lower, thumb now drawing circles against your back and you feel your mind wonder to places it shouldn’t. Gosh his eyes are nice, and you’d be damned if his face wasn’t even more beautiful up close. You were dazed, and if you weren’t mistaken, so was he because his eyes glazed over with a very familiar look of lust. Perhaps if you just leaned a little clo-

 “Well don’t you two look cosy” you hear from the doorway and your head whips around to meet an icy cold stare. Bucky Barnes. What terrible timing.

 You promptly lift yourself off Steve, almost giving yourself whiplash, hand shooting out to hold the bars of the ring. You clear your throat. “We were just sparring” you explain, and frown to yourself. Why did you feel the urge to justify yourself to this man?

 He lifted an eyebrow “If that’s how you spar, doll, you’ll have the whole house lining up for a piece of that”

 Your eyes narrow. Did he just -. Your mouth opens, but before you can reply he cuts you off: “Stark wants us at the conference room in 5. So, when you two love-birds are done ‘sparring’” he says, pointedly air-quoting the last word and your eyes narrow further “we’ll be waiting for you”. And with that, he turns on his heel and leaves.

 You turned to Steve and your look of disbelief must’ve been evident on your face because he chuckles as he lifts himself off the floor. “Don’t mind him, he’s always grumpy.” He walks out of the ring, suddenly turning to you all Captain America like as if he didn’t just have you on his lap 2 minutes ago. “Get cleaned up”, he throws a towel at you “I’ll see you in the conference room in 3” and with that, he leaves, and you’re left wondering if all super soldiers are this perplexing.

 ~~~

 The conference room was nice to say the least. Tony Stark did nothing half-way. You were watching him with all his authority and confidence, but your thoughts were a million miles away. Cap sat at the head of the table and you could see his lips form words your mind wasn’t quite registering. Probably not a great idea considering this was your first mission debriefing. Your thoughts were in fact on the man opposite you. His metal hand tapping restlessly on the table, you could tell he was paying as much attention as you were. You tilted your head in silent wonder and observed him with careful consideration. If the hard line on his lips and slight frown were anything to go by, something was bothering him, and you could tell.

 He doesn’t look any less gorgeous when he’s annoyed, by the way. If anything, it added to the masculinity of his features; hard jaw clenching deliciously, eyes miraculously darker, that perpetual murderous look in his face magnetised by a million. Jesus Christ you felt like a teenager. Why are these stupid, gorgeous super soldiers taking up all your damned thoughts?

 You didn’t know what it was about Steve either. His in-your-face all-star golden boy beauty was fucking gut wrenching. He was sweet, ever-so welcoming, he joked, had this calm, comforting aura that made you feel warm and lovely. Like you knew him all your life - as if he were your long-lost best friend your soul wanted to hold onto with every ounce of her being. Your eyes flickered to him and you watched as his mouth made yet more unheard words. Your interaction earlier had been unprecedented. Sure, you were attracted to him, but who wasn’t? Steve Rodgers is Adonis embodied and every woman knew it. He was blinding and warm like the sun.

 And Bucky...he was different. The complete paradox of Steve. Bloody beautiful in all the rough ways. There was nothing in-your-face about him, no. He was mysterious, extraordinarily so. There was nothing light about him - just stormy, agonising beauty. You could tell he was that intense guy. The kind women would look at and want just because he looked dangerous. Just because they knew he’d give them the ride of their lives and probably break their heart on the way, but it didn’t matter cause that was part of the adventure. The guy that would wrap his hand around your throat and squeeze until you were on your knees, clawing for breath while telling him how every inch of you belonged to him. Then he’d fuck you bloody just to prove it.

You watched him with a calculated gaze. You had only brief interactions with him but every one of them felt like eternity between you and those icy blue whirlpools of his. There was much more to the Winter Solider than his cold, broody exterior and you wanted to dive deep inside that ocean of his mind and uncover them.

 His eyes turned to you then. He had obviously felt you staring. He raised an annoyed brow in question, and you said nothing, just looked away in silent consideration.

 Natasha poked your thigh from beside you and you turned to her, her green eyes held a mischievous glint as her eyes flickered to Steve, then Bucky, and then you in silent questioning. You rolled your eyes; she had clearly sensed your distraction and your very obvious staring at the two soldiers probably confirmed whatever thoughts she was having. Damn Widow always noticed everything. She smirked, mouthing “Later” and her eyes promised an incoming, post-brief interrogation. Metal note to nicely ask Natasha to debrief you on the debriefing too.

[itscooltobefanficy]

Feeling Alive- Part 13

Summary: Dance school!AU (or the Step Up/Pride and Prejudice mash up nobody asked for). Bucky Barnes is forced to take twelve hours of commercial dance classes to pass the year- and that just happens to be your regular weekly dance class.

Introduction

Part 1 (Slow Hands)

Part 2 (Stay)

Part 3 (There Will Come a Time)

Part 4 (Weapon of Choice)

Part 5 (Came Here For Love)

Part 6 (Where the Sky Hangs)

Part 7 (When Can I See You Again?)

Part 8 (Manhattan)

Part 9 (Skip To The Good Bit)

Part 10 (Poison & Wine)

Part 11 (Clean)

Part 12 (Where To Start)

Second Chances

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Chapter 14/17: Second Chances

Word count: 2829

Warnings: Maybe a bit of swearing? Idk guys I’m so tired

OK... First things first THANK! YOU! ALL! In my head I refer to you all as The Ace Gang because you are all ace and I enjoy making references to British teen literature but the main thing to take from that is that you are ACE. And WONDERFUL. And AMAZING. And I’m running out of superlatives, so have a heart <333 Second things second... IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN (nuh nuh nuuh nuh). This chapter, one sort of chapter that’s barely long enough to count but doesn’t fit anywhere else, then the final 4k plus monster (I haven’t actually finished writing it yet but nm) and then the epilogue!!! Third things third I have (with little fanfare) opened requests. So if that’s a thing you’re interested in you know where to find me. OK. That’s everything. Let’s go.

“You took him back?!”

You look sternly at Wanda. “No. I just… I couldn’t throw it away completely. But I’m taking things even slower than before. We’re not even texting.”

It’s true. You’d been walked back to your flat last night by Sam (singing loudly) and Nat (singing even louder), leaving Bucky to deal with Steve. Judging by the glower on Bucky’s face, that had not been set to be a fun conversation. Regardless, this morning you still have nothing more to say to him. This second chance is a tentative, cautious thing- walking across thin, fracturing ice, or leaning out over a precipice with nothing but the wind to hold you back- and your instinct is to withdraw.

Wanda appraises you over the rim of her mug. “You really like this guy.”

“I really liked this guy,” You clarify. “But now…”

A phone trills, and Wanda grimaces as you deal with the squirming mass of emotion in your stomach.

“Sorry, Y/N, do you mind if I take this?”

You wave her ahead, and she lifts the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Leo, what’s up?”

You raise an eyebrow. Leo is your current partner in the Advanced class: loud, cheerful and with a good sense of humour, he’s been the perfect antidote to the past few weeks. OK, he’s not as good as Wanda- but to make the troupe even, she needs to take on the follow role for the competition.  The lady herself shoots you a don’t ask me look as she listens to Leo down the phone. Then, in an instant, her expression clouds over.

“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that, Leo. Are you sure-? OK. OK, thanks for letting me know. I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you. Alright, bye.” She ends the call, then gives a dramatic groan. You don’t even have to say anything; she sighs and begins to explain.

“Leo’s datemate has just been made redundant. He’s moving down there for a couple of weeks, just while they get back on their feet, but it’s a four-hour drive from here. He called to say he’s dropping out of the competition.” Wanda’s mouth twists, and you frown in sympathy.

“Damn. Can’t you ask Pietro?” Wanda’s brother might not class himself as a dancer, but his natural athleticism and years of exposure to his sister’s training have made him more than capable of picking up routines, and he’s stepped in more than once to fill up the troupe. Wanda, however, shakes her head.

“He’s got a triathlon that day.” She buries her head in her hands. Her voice is muffled and furious. “I’m doomed. We’re going to lose to Vision before we even start.”

You try not to smirk at her mention of Luiz (who happens to be hosting the afterparty, and if you can’t engineer a situation that ends in the two of them dating you will be forced to admit defeat and eat your leggings), and instead try to think of a solution. Wanda’s right- you can’t perform the routine with one lead down. The dynamics, the symmetry, the impact would all be lost. You need… Someone to step in.

Someone who has experience.

Someone who understands how the troupe operates.

Someone who’s even practiced some of the routine before.

It’s your turn to groan.

“Hm?” Wanda lifts her head as you reach for your phone.

“Don’t thank me yet,” You mutter.

Y: Nat, can you send me Bucky’s number?

Wanda’s eyes go very wide (reading your screen, rude). “You’re not.”

“You need another lead,” You say, tightly. “And I happen to know of one.”

Before Wanda can retort, your phone chimes.

N: You deleted his number wow

N: good for you

N: Here it is

The contact is attached to the last message.

Y: Did he kill Steve?

N: nah

N: their friendship is too weird for that

N: now fuck off I’m too hungover for your relationship crisis

You snort.

Y: Yes ma’am

Then, before you can lose your nerve, you tap the contact she sent you and hit call. Your stomach twists and rolls as you lift your phone to your ear.

“Y/N?” Bucky sounds… rough. You hate how the gravel in his voice sends a flush crawling to your cheeks. “You OK?”

Something clenches in your heart. He thinks the only reason you’d call him is if you were in trouble, if you absolutely had to; how far away you are from the easy, wonderful familiarity you used to share.

Mind you, he’s not wrong.

“Hey,” You say, then have no idea how to continue. “Um. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” The rhythms of teasing one another come back to you slowly. “You know. You sound like you’ve been gargling granite or something.”

Bucky’s laughter sounds surprised, as though he hadn’t expected you to joke. To be fair, neither had you. “Ah, the party may have got a little out of hand.”

“Nat did mention something to that effect.”

“Nat?”

Internally, you curse. You’ve fallen into that one. Swallowing, you press on. “Yeah. I had to ask her for your number.”

There’s a momentary silence. The reminder of all the broken, hateful things you said last night is thrown into sharp relief in your mind, and you hover, uncertain how to find your way back to safe ground.

“Right.” Bucky’s voice sounds forced, but at least he’s brave enough to say something. “I don’t think she’s feeling too good this morning.”

You snort, relieved. “No. Anyway,” You muster your courage, “I actually called you to ask for a favour.”

There’s another pause. You cringe, waiting for Bucky to tell you that it’s a bit early for that, or even that it’s verging on hypocritical to ask for his help now-

“Anything. Anything within reason.” His addition is no hasty backtrack; it’s slow, reasoned. Automatic. Your heart swoops, even as your eyes widen in shock.

“Um. Thank you,” You manage. “There’s no fire involved, or parachuting, I promise.”

“Knives?” Bucky’s tone is now wry, and you laugh.

“No knives.”

“That’s within reason,” He replies, and you can feel your shoulders slump in relief. “Now, what actually is this favour?”

You take a deep breath. “The thing is… Wanda needs another dancer. Another lead. For our competition next weekend. Somebody’s had to drop out, and I wouldn’t have asked you if there was any other way- I know you’re busy, and-”

“Hey. Y/N?” You stop midsentence. Bucky sounds, if anything, amused. “It’s OK. I’ll do it.”

“You will? I mean,” You swiftly change tack, not wanting to be any ruder than you already have been, “Thank you.”

“Like I said, it’s OK. When’s the next rehearsal?”

You check your watch and grimace. “In about half an hour.”

A complaint would be reasonable, but Bucky merely says, “OK. See you there,” And hangs up.

You manage to avoid looking at Wanda for approximately ten seconds before she pokes you, hard, in the arm.

“So?!”

You wince, then glare at her. “This still may be the most terrible idea I’ve ever had.”

Wanda tilts her head to one side, a small smile playing around her mouth. “We’ll see. We shall see.”

~~

You’ve noticed over the years that when you get nervous, you forget how to just be. Your attention snags on silly details: how you’re standing, where you’re looking, whether or not you’re frowning. And, waiting for Bucky to arrive at Scarlet Studios, you’re more nervous than you can remember being in a long time.

Pepper lays a calming hand on your shoulder. “Don’t fret. He’ll be here.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” You hiss, and tug absentmindedly at your t-shirt.

“I can still punch him.” Clint isn’t smiling; it’s not a joke. Sighing, you shake your head. Clint had been the least convinced that Bucky should even be allowed in the same building as you, never mind crashing your practice. That’s not to say that a small part of you wouldn’t like Clint to punch him. It’s just that-

The door swings open, and Bucky slides inside.

All of your insides seem to drop through the floor. His hair looks wet: he probably got up and got straight in the shower after you’d called him. Just watching the way he moves sends sparks crackling up your throat.

“What do I say?” You spin around, panicking, and Pepper now gives you a gentle shove.

“It doesn’t matter.” She smiles encouragingly. Clint looks over at Bucky and snorts.

“You could read him your grocery list and he’d listen happily,” He mutters, and you glare.

“Not. Helpful.”

“Y/N?”

You whip back around. Bucky’s right there, expression cautious, hand resting on the strap of his bag.

“Hey,” You say, emotions fighting for control of your voice. Then a thought occurs to you, and you take a step forward. “I can’t believe I haven’t asked you this yet, but did you get in? Did they take you?”

His face undergoes a beautiful transformation, melting into relief, into hopefulness. Your heart squeezes.

“Yeah. Yeah, they did.”

A smile fights its way out across your mouth. You can’t go closer, not yet- but you can be happy for him. “Well done. I- I really mean it.”

Bucky’s eyes become unbearably soft. “Thank you.”

Then, thank God, Wanda claps her hands. “Get over here, you lot! Does it look like I don’t have better things to do?”

“We know you don’t,” Clint yells, and she gives him the finger in return- but everyone jogs over to her.

“Listen up, we’ve had a last minute change for the competition at Vision Studios next week! Everyone, you remember James?” You look to your left and find him standing to one side, looking a little awkward. It’s jarring to hear his name after so long: like it’s a reminder of those first, tentative steps you took towards friendship. You hastily look back at Wanda. “Unfortunately, Leo can no longer make the competition, so James will be taking his spot. I expect you all to help him out so that we can kick ass!”

“Understood,” You mutter, and Wanda shoots you a grin.

“Alright! To make it a little easier on you, James, we’ll go over the routines you’ve already learned: Stay, Weapon of Choice and So Good. I’ll help you all out with the transitions. Move it!”

“Start off in three lines,” You say out of the corner of your mouth, as the others automatically file into position, “Over here.” The two of you walk to your mark, halfway down the middle row. “How much can you remember?”

Bucky’s shoulders visibly relax. “I might struggle with a lot of things,” He smirks, “But remembering routines isn’t one of them.”

You roll your eyes, then crouch down into your starting pose. “OK, genius, whatever you say.” And before he can retort, the music starts.

~~

He’s not wrong. Not once does he stumble, or wobble, or lag behind the beat. It’s almost unfair how easy he makes it look. You go through the motions almost carelessly in comparison; being thrown back together so suddenly has made you feel awkward, verging on clumsy. You make are no mistakes, but every time the routine forces you into Bucky’s personal space, you have to keep yourself from leaning back.

Still, you make it to the end of the rehearsal. When you can finally step away and put a little distance between yourself and Bucky, you feel a tangible wave of relief. You hadn’t realised how much still lay between you, despite your conversation last night. When you finally catch a glimpse of his expression, however, the disappointment in it makes your stomach drop a few inches.

“Bucky,” You say, impulsively, “Do you want to go get a coffee?”

He turns to look at you. “Now?”

All of a sudden, it seems like a stupid idea. “Sorry. I know you’re busy, and I dragged you out here in the first place-”

“No.” He cuts you off, his face suddenly hopeful. “No, coffee would be great.”

You catch Clint signing something over Bucky’s shoulder, and have to employ a great deal of effort refraining from rolling your eyes. Told you so.

Then you remember to smile. “OK. I’ll- um-”

“Stretch? Don’t tell me you’ve been slacking.” Something seems to have eased in Bucky’s face, and his teasing is comfortable, gentle. You really do roll your eyes this time.

“Fine.” Things aren’t quite relaxed enough to joke about whether you really should have invited him to practice, so you decide to drop gracelessly to the floor and start stretching. Truth be told, you have been stretching- but only because Wanda threatened to string you up above the studio door if you stopped. When you tell Bucky as much, he laughs. It’s the first time you’ve heard him laugh properly since everything fell apart: it’s equal parts intoxicating and devastating.

Ten minutes later, the two of you wander into a coffee shop down the road and snag a small table by the window. Being in such close (and, more specifically, date-like) proximity has the immediate effect of stifling all your conversational powers. You nervously push the wooden stirrer around your mug and chew your lower lip.

“So?”

You look up and find Bucky watching you. Unsure, you shrug. “So?”

His mouth twitches. “So.”

Leaning forwards, you blow on your drink. “So.”

“So.”

A snicker bursts out of you. “Look, we can’t substitute the word so for an actual conversation.”

The raised eyebrow. Idly, you reflect that the raised eyebrow will probably be the death of you.

“Can’t we?”

“No.” You try to sound firm. “Because I said so.”

“Because you said so.” His words dissolve into a smile, and you grin despite yourself.

“You’re…” You trail off. The fear of saying something hurtful blocks your throat. Your noble intentions mean fuck all to me…

“Y/N?” Bucky’s voice is light, but a serious undercurrent tugs at his words. “You can still insult me, you know. I feel like that’s a key component of our relationship.”

“God. That sounds awful.” You speak without thinking, then wince. ”I didn’t mean-” You take a deep breath. Now is probably the moment. “I just- I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

“Thanks. But- I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

You stare at him. It’s his turn to shrug. “I fucked up.”

“I mean- yeah. But, so did I.” Your thoughts have been clarifying over the past hour, and now you’re ready to explain. “I completely cut you off after the worst day of your life.” Bucky looks like he’s going to interrupt, but you shake your head and carry on. “OK, you started it. But I automatically assumed that you’d bailed on me.”

“Which I had-”

“But if I’d called you, five days or a week or whenever, would you have picked up?”

Bucky stares at you for a moment. Then he deflates.

“I… I don’t know. Probably. Even in the back of my mind, at that party, I wondered if you might be there. If I might run into you.”

You snort. “You did more than that.”

His grin is wry. “True.”

“Anyway, the point is that I overreacted. You overreacted. I guess I was already worried that you were going to drop me when you got signed-” The confession is out of your mouth before you can stop it, and Bucky stares at you with the exact kicked-puppy expression you’d hoped to avoid.

“Wait, what?”

You grimace, helplessly. “When you got signed by a company. I figured you’d… Move on.”

To your relief, Bucky’s expression of concern fades into one of exasperation. “Of course not.” He gives a little laugh. “You really thought that?”

“Yep.” You feel yourself relaxing, and your voice loosens up as your breathing comes easier. “And this is what I mean! If I’d just talked to you about it-”

“No, no I should have realised-”

“No, you shouldn’t.” You say it with a fair amount of force, and Bucky draws up short. “You’re not a mind-reader. Neither am I. We just… We should just talk. I think that’s what this whole spiel has been about.”

You take a large sip of your drink and stare hurriedly out of the window. The conviction in your voice surprised even you. Bucky, however, is looking at you like you’ve just discovered sliced bread.

“You’re serious?” His question is slow, like he can’t really believe it. “You’re prepared to give this another shot?”

You tilt your head, chewing your lower lip. “I… didn’t say that. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to accept all the blame.”

And yeah, another shot isn’t off the cards. But saying that feels like too great a leap of faith, so you stay silent as Bucky nods his understanding.

“OK.”

There’s a moment of silence. Then he smirks. “So…”

You don’t even hesitate before leaning over and hitting him with a napkin.

AN: We did it!!! We’re on the road to the finish line. I would like to take this usual opportunity to thank you all- The Ace Gang, you are the best- and @systemfailuresunshine who I am missing a great deal thanks to stupid time zones. She is, as I have said many times, the reason this exists. Now, don’t hold me to this, but I will *try* to post a chapter a day until we’re done. I will try. I send you all of the love and hugs.

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Part 14