#but as far as hair and skin goes i think i've done alright for my first time

[bluebellhairpin]

The Nine Muses; Daughters of Mnemosyne.

look at THEM. my babies. my girls. my legacy. ((left to right) top row; Clio, Calliope, Melpomene, Urania. middle row; Euterpe, Erato, Polyhymnia. bottom row; Terpsichore, Thalia)

[sky-fire-forever]

oooo for Cole & Anders this week: “it wasn’t supposed to go this far.”

happy writing!

-inquisimer

Thank you so much for this prompt! I had a lot of fun with it. For @dadrunkwriting

While not featured directly, my Hawke in this one is Scorpius, who uses they/them pronouns.

It’s cold in Skyhold, which Anders supposes he should have expected. It’s a giant fortress in the mountains, after all, it’s bound to be cold. That doesn’t mean Anders has to like it. 

He isn't even supposed to be here. Hawke had specifically told him that they were doing this alone, that Anders needed to stay put and stay safe. But Anders has never been great at doing what he's told and he's even worse at sitting back and doing nothing while huge things go on around him.

Hawke needs him, if they're willing to admit it or not. 

“Maker's breath,” Anders sits with the rebel mages, breathing warmth onto his chilled hands. “It's freezing.”

One of the mages beside him laughs bitterly. “Tell me about it,” he says. 

Anders rises to his feet. “I think I'm going to take a walk,” he says. “Explore the new place.”

The mage raises an eyebrow. “Do you want company?”

“No, no. I'll be alright on my own.” He waves him off. “You can stay here, Levyn.”

Levyn nods. “Alright. Just come back in one piece.”

Anders smiles. “No promises.” He walks off.

Anders like Levyn. He's the first person Anders has been able to get close to in a long time. They'd run into each other on the road to Skyhold and decided to travel together. As much as Anders loves Hawke and Fenris, it's been nice to be around someone else for a change.

“Feeling freeing friendship. I like Levyn. He's like me. He doesn't know the real me, but he makes me smile. It's nice to not be alone.” 

Anders spins around at the sound of a voice, raising his staff. “Who goes there?” 

“No one.” A young man stands before Anders, with shaggy blond hair and an oversized hat. “I don't mean any harm. You're happy. That's good.”

Anders narrows his eyes as something inside of him bristles at the presence of this man. Man? No, there's something more there. Something different that Justice can sense. This isn't an ordinary man. 

“Declare yourself, spirit,” Anders demands, brandishing his staff at the creature. 

The spirit tilts its head. “Now you're worried. I didn't mean to upset you. Here, I'll make you forget and I'll try again.”

Something washes over Anders and for a moment, he's confused. Then, he feels the familiar warmth of Justice beneath his skin and the sensation passes. 

The creature stares at Anders, looking confused. “You won't forget.” There's bewilderment in its tone. 

Anders steps forward. “Your tricks won't work on me, demon.”

“I'm not a demon.”

“What are you then?”

“Solas calls me spirit. Varric calls me kid.”

Varric. The one who called Hawke here, who Anders hasn't seen in years. Not since Anders destroyed the chantry and Kirkwall along with it.

Guilt pools in his chest at just the thought of his old friend. At what he did to him, everything he took away. It needed to be done, but that doesn't relieve Anders of the guilt. 

“Choices had to be made and you had to be the one to make them. Friends are fleeting, just like a sense of home. You never wanted to hurt anyone, but too many were already hurting.”

“Stop that,” Anders snaps. “Get out of my head.” 

“I want to help.” The spirit takes a step closer. “Let me help.”

Anders grits his teeth. “I've had enough help from spirits, thank you.”

The spirit tilts its head, staring intently at Anders. “Justice was your friend, now it scares you.”

“I said get out of my head.” Anders doesn't like the way this kid– spirit– thing makes him feel: like he's misjudged a step and lost his balance. 

“But–”

“Are you bothering people again, kid?” A familiar voice calls out from not too far away. 

Varric. Shit. Anders can't begin to describe the myriad of emotions that pass through him at the sound of his old friend's voice, still distinct and familiar despite the time that has passed.

The spirit looks at Anders and then looks over his shoulder before turning his gaze back to Anders. “If you don't want to see him, I can help.” He extends a hand. 

Anders, in his panic, accepts it. 

The spirit leads Anders through the crowd as though they're invisible, darting between people without pause until they're far enough away that Varric won't catch them.  

Anders takes a breath of air, trying to will his frantic heart to stop beating so loudly in his ears. “Thank you,” he says. 

“Why are you avoiding Varric?” The spirit asks. 

Anders studies the spirit. It seems harmless enough, but the same could have been said of Justice many years ago. “He's upset with me.”

“Because of what you did?”

“Yes.”

“Guilt. Regret. Remorse. A lot of people died because of what you did, but you didn't know another way out. It hurts to think about.”

“I–” Anders swallows. “It wasn't supposed to go this far. I just wanted– but everyone blames me.” 

It hurts, being the scapegoat for an entire war. Yes, he felt that the war was necessary, but it wasn't supposed to happen like this. Templars and mages killing each other without caring about the civilians caught in the crossfire, the rebel mages taken hostage by something more dangerous than themselves, all of it is so much bigger than Anders ever could have predicted. 

He didn't want this, but this is the path he chose. 

“You think Varric hates you.” The spirit pauses. “You think the Hawke hates you too.”

Anders looks away.

“Fear. Burning bright like fire inside you. Hawke must hate you like you hate yourself, it's easy to hate you.”

Anders doesn't much care for hearing his thoughts verbalized by a spirit, so he raises his hand. “Don't,” he requests. “Please.”

The spirit opens its mouth, but then shuts it again. 

“Where's Hawke?” Anders asks the only question he cares to know the answer to. 

The spirit fidgets with its fingers. “The Hawke is gone.” 

[leahsfiction]

time enough to have an argument

(previous instalments in cyborg au)

Gongyang Xiuxiu -- the wife of Wen Qing's least favourite cousin -- sets her silk fan aside with a faint clack to pour her another cup of high-grade tea.

"Something interesting and, well, a bit horrible you might want to hear. Those caves you mentioned in your last letter? Dafan something?"

Wen Qing doesn't often like other people taking the reins of a conversation. But ever since childhood, Xiuxiu has been her one exception -- the vivacious wit to Wen Qing's quiet, sporadic barbs or illustrative facial reactions. So it's not quite in character for her to stop Xiuxiu here, even as the back of her neck prickles that perhaps she should.

"Popped up in a footnote in this paper I was reading for fun yesterday. At least, it sounds like it could be something like. They do spirit possession, soul offerings, speaking in tongues, you know - apparently sometimes it's too much of a success. So they lobotomize their practitioners if it goes wrong."

Gives her the most unimpressed look she can muster. "Lurid," she says. "Hardly rigorous scholarship."

"So no zombie shamans out there in the field, I take it?"

This time, Wen Qing genuinely means her look to wound.

"I'm sorry. One gets used to dealing with Young Master Wen in a certain way, like a performance you can't stop. And I naturally -- I mean, you never used to shy away from talking about work…"

Wen Qing just sips her tea, staring at the osmanthus tree in the interior garden. The scent of late autumn mixes with fine oolong. Heat bleeds into her fingers from the cup, and it feels like the most important task in the world to keep her hands steady with a not-too-tight grip.

"That's alright." She hears how far-away her voice sounds and bends all her efforts into sounding natural. "I've been away too long. I should have visited more."

"I don't think there's much you could have done. You had your orders."

"Xiuxiu," she says quietly, forestalling more of the awkward dance she's trapped themselves in. "I got you lychees." They go over to her travelling case to inspect them. They're fresh and cold, rosy brown despite being out of season.

"Oh my," she says, fanning herself artfully. But a genuine flush deepens under her makeup. "All the way from Shu, are they?"

"I wouldn't say that far," Wen Qing says, dry as dust. "Actually, they've spent some time in medical cryo."

Xiuxiu laughs, once. Her expression of brittle ladylike composure cracks into something more real, and infinitely wounded and lonely. "Oh, aiqing. Darling." Enfolds Wen Qing in a slightly damp and close embrace. "I missed you."

She feels like she's shivering inside her skin. "There's been no one else," she confesses, nose pressed to the warm hair behind Xiuxiu's ear. "No one ever touches me."

"Oh, Qing'er -- it's been years -- come here --"

[adollt]

Anyone watch the Junji Ito anime?

It was alright, "uhhh its not as crazy as his art" yeah we all know dude its an anime by netflix. like some I wanted moar of, some I felt are like "what the heck it ended there", and others were like :| :| :| brah what the heck -=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Episode 1; starting with the hikizuri siblings set the stage of just "what in the sam hell is going on" pretty good

ep 2; the weird ice cream man made me just go "what the sam dickens", the tunnel was….. I wanted moar

ep 3; was hanging balloons and that was neat, I feel like the concept is only half done

ep 4; 4x4 walls… bruh wtf is this family and nail boy and why does it start with nail boy in a yellow raincoat and a wickerman tho it was never commented on. the sandmans lair is another one of those, what the heck stories.

ep 5: the intruder is one I wanted to see allot more of as It leaves the ominous cliffhanger. long hair attic was …. uh….. bad (que meme of girl showing satan the guy she did a big bad for)

ep 6: Mold,…….. …. Its understandable story, the first house all that stood was a burnt down house rounds it out. the brother not leaving instantly is what feels like a … bro this is some cartoon stuff, I don't know anyone who'd go into a house with that much mold again. I Wouldn't let my brother that's for sure.

Library vision was really interesting, a man obsessed with books. tortured by his books. a really interesting video thats kinda hard to comment on. a vod I watched on the topic was really swell

ep 7: Tomb Town …. brooooooooooooo what an episode, lets start it off with some reaaaal shiiittt （＞ｙ＜）tomb towns story is interesting It was one of my more liked episodes with a simple idea to grasp. DONT MOVE THE DEAD.

ep 8: layers of terror … is …. probably my favorite story next to library vision. the whole concept of family … the idea of ripping of the skin, i hate it …. and the moms cut at the end…. and the ending of the sister watching over them… reminds me of me.

The thing that drifted Ashore - a fish folklore that I've seen allot of in anime but to see this version with no ending…. made me want more and felt like sexual frustration as I wanted to know what the parasites where gonna do.

ep 9. Tomie - Photo: … I kinda felt disturbed when it was later on and the scene where they do the stuff in the room like burning…. damn man. and then the body getting up after the first head (2 heads) said to burn it it was like :| is she gonna eat tomie. nope tomie just moves on with her live. life is life lol.

ep 10. Unedurable labyrinth, well living in the mountains far from the citys but still reachable I'd always think there'd be something like this out here. the story was alright, It seemed like one girl was gonna join. and them being put with a girl who's looking for her brother felt like a test. it was kinda all over the place.

The Bully- I FRIGGEN hated it, I do not like these stories I dont like watching these stories. the ending was just Captin ked up.

Ep 11: Alley- A neat lil quick story that gets you hooked and wanting it to be a full episode. but it ends right when it feels like its about to get good.

Headless Statue- the japanese are just kinda weird art they. I understand it, while also not understanding any of it kinda feeling.

ep 12: Whispering Woman - I liked this story, i feel for her. the whispering woman, and the dooter. may they live a good life after.

Soichi's Beleved Pet - were back with the family from episode 4, they get a cat. and the cat goes full evil cause of nail boy or something. it ending of with a giant static shock was hilarious, suprised he lived with having metal in his mouth.

overall high mid.

[regretthatsme]

A Night to Remember

Harry Potter x Reader

I finally wrote it. This is smut. Very smut. Exceptionally smutty. 18+. Angst too.

@hestpwk072310

Harry was lost. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. It was too much. First it was Cedric, then Sirius, now Dumbledore. It was all too much. Too much. Too much. Too-

Harry collapsed to the floor. He couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in. His heart was racing. His blood was rushing. What's happening? He was dying. He had to be. It was to only thing that made sense. Death seemed to be the only constant in his life. He closed his eyes and accepted his fate.

"Harry?"

The voice called to him. Must be an angel.

"Harry!"

He felt something touch his hand, though he couldn't have told you what it was. His hands went numb long ago.

"Harry. Listen to me. Can you hear me?" Yes. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say it so bad, but he couldn't. His body was unable. A small groan was the best he could do.

"Okay. Okay. Okay, listen to me. On three, we're going to breathe together, alright?" He could tell the voice was panicked. The was a certain exasperation that could only be described as anxiety. "One, two, three." Harry gasped at the air like a dying man. He kind of was.

"Good job, Harry. You're doing so well. Again. One, two, three." He gasped again but it was much easier.

"You're doing so well. Again. One, two, three." Harry finally opened his eyes. His vision was blurry, but he could make out a face, but there was little detail. His vision came into focus and saw... one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen. Her hair, her eyes, her... concern. She cared. She cared about him. This had to be an angel.

"Am I dead?" Harry asked. "Are you an angel?"

The angel laughed for a second before responding. "No. I am not an angel, and, as far as I'm concerned, you are not dead."

Harry took another deep breath before mumbling, "Too pretty to be a person."

"While that is a very lovely compliment, I hate to say I am a human." She softly brushed hair off of Harry's sweaty forehead. "Now, it's quite late. We need to get you to bed." Her voice was as gentle as her touch. Harry limped back to his dorm, with the support of the lovely angel student. In his delirium, he forgot to ask for her name. The only thing he remembered in the morning was a yellow tie around her neck.

-*-*-*-

"Honestly, Hermione, it isn't that big of a deal."

"It is that big of a deal, Ronald. It's ridiculous. She's insisting that she survey the entire school! What is she even searching for? I can only imagine the affect on her mental health. Lack of sleep is very-"

"Will you please be quiet?" Harry whisper-shouted. His friends made a habit of bickering like a married couple and it's been getting on his last nerve. "And what are you on about, anyway? Just let them search Hogwarts."

"Harry, it's more complicated than that-" explained Hermione before Harry cut in.

"How? How is it more complicated? Please, enlighten me."

Hermione looked at Ron, almost as if asking for permission. "Well, it's Y/N. She's the Hufflepuff prefect. Ever since a few weeks ago, she has insisted that she is on petrol. And she checks the whole castle. It's like she doesn't trust us." Hermione expressed. "One time I followed her around the school and the whole time she was mumbling." Hermione was clearly livid about this. Y/N was showing a clear distrust and disdain for the other prefects. I mean, Malfoy is understandable, but Hermione? Ron? They were the nicest, well meaning people that Harry had probably ever met.

"Actually, she was mumbling about you, Harry." Hermione said.

"What?"

"Yeah, she kept going on and on about how you were and if you were okay. Which, don't get me wrong, is a perfectly valid thing to worry about. You have gone through much hardship, and mental health is important, but it seems a bit out of place, especially considering that she probably has never spoken to you or even taken interest in you before." Hermione confessed.

Harry was quote confused. Why would she suddenly start to take an intrest in me? Unless...

"Hermione, what does Y/N look like?"

"Oh! Um.... she has h/c hair and e/c eyes. We have a fair few classes with her. She's always top of the class." It all came back to him in one big rush. The hair that framed her face perfectly, her eyes that sparkled like jewels, her tender touch.

"I.... I think I know her."

-*-*-*-

If she goes on petrol every day, travels around the whole school, and I have an invisibility cloak plus a map, we will find each other.

Harry crept into the hallway and took out his map.

Where is she? Where is she? Where is-

Y/N L/N.

Harry raced to her. He moved as fast as he could. He was running and running and running until-

She's there.

In front of him.

And she knows he's there.

Because she's calling his name.

Harry takes off the invisibility cloak. He clears his throat. "Hello, Y/N." She nods towards him as a hello.

"You need anything?" Her eyes began to fill with concern. "Oh no. Is something wrong? It has to be. Why would you be coming to see me."

"No!" Harry was quick to reassure Y/N. He cupped her cheek and caressed her cheek bone. Maybe the James in him was acting up, but she didn't seem to reject his advances. In fact, she seemed quite comforted by it. "No. No. It's not that. I just wanted to say.... thank you. So incredibly much."

"What ever for?"

"For... just worrying, honestly. I know you helped me when I was having a panic attack and then you stayed up every night to see if I need help." Her face heated up. Harry could feel it on his hand. He smirked a bit. "Thank you. Truly. I just wish I could repay you."

"I can think of a few ways." Y/N slapped a hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean to say that."

"Well. How do I repay you?" Harry's smirk was much more apparent.

"I told you, I didn't mean to say that."

"But you did say it, and I would really, really, really, really, really, love to make it up to you."

Y/N looked down for a minute before mumbling "a kiss."

"What was that? Speak up, love."

"A kiss. I know, it childish and your not going to want to - mmmph!" Harry had already pulled Y/N into what she desired most. It was... perfect. Nothing short of absolutely magical. It was soft and quick and yet spoke so much.

"Was that good enough?"

"Actually, I'd quite like you to do that again." So they did. And then again. And again. And again. And again. Each time longer than the last. A passionate battle of lips, teeth, and tongue. A quiet wimper was released from Y/N. "Ha-oh!-Harry."

"Yes, love?" He began to kiss down her neck.

"Harry! We're in the middle of the hallway! Anyone could see us."

"What are you suggesting?"

"How about we go somewhere a bit  more...... private."

The two teenagers quickly ran off to the Room of Requirements, which had spawned a rather lovely bed, a loveseat next to a fireplace, and bath, which was sure to get some use later. Their clothes came off in a frenzy of hushed whispers and lingering kisses.

Soon, the gravity of what was about to happen took over Harry and Y/N.

"Are... are you sure?" Harry asked. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." Y/N said. She kissed Harry so softly. So lovingly. "I've never been so sure of anything."

Harry smiled before kissing down the expanse of her body. First her neck, then her tits, then her stomach until he was right in front of her sex, glistening in the romantic light of the room. "You look so beautiful."

"Please."

"Please what, princess?"

"Touch me. Please."

Harry finally gave Y/N what she wanted. He placed a thumb to her clit. She bucked her hips into him. "Try to keep still for me, sweetheart. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

He rubbed soft, sensuous circles. Luscious moans left her lips. Her hips moved occasionally and every time they would, Harry pinned her hips down harder. "Your pussy is so pretty." Whispered Harry. She moaned at this. "Such a pretty pussy. Looks good enough to.... eat?"

"Yes! Please. Please eat me out." Her begging was all that Harry needed to hear. His tongue met her folds and he moaned, the vibrations sending shock waves up her spine.

"So sweet, darling." He said as he inserted a finger. A large gasp erupted out of Y/N's mouth.

"Oh, fuck!" They kept this up until Y/N could feel her orgasm approaching. "Fuck! Oh..... I'm gonna cum. I'm close." Harry pulled away just before she could. The whine that left her lips was almost pitiable. Almost.

"Awweee. Did I made you cry, Angel?" Harry mocked. Y/N hated how that turned her on even more.

"Why did you do that, Har?"

"Well, personally, I would love to feel you cum on my cock." She hummed before nodding and spreading her legs even wider. That was before her eyes snapped open.

"Wait!" Her eyes held so much worry.

"What? What's wrong?"

"It's just... I've never done this before."

Harry cooed and kissed her cheek. "Don't worry. We're going to take it nice and slow. Ready?" She nodded once again and he entered her. They could only look into each other's eyes. Harry hissed through his teeth like a snake, which would not be too out of character seeing as he is a parceltongue. Y/N had a slight grimace on her face as a tear trickled down her cheek. Harry kissed it away as he let her adjust.

"You can move. Please move." He moved slowly and the slightly uncomfortable feeling slowly became a most pleasurable sensation. The moans became louder and louder as the movements became faster and faster and the sound of skin-on-skin became harder and harder. Soon, the familiar feeling bubbled up again. "Oooohhhhhhh fuck. I'm so close. I'm going to cum. Please let me cum. Please, please, please, please."

Harry let her beg for a few more seconds before allowing her to cum with fake reluctance. Her pussy squeased him just right. She absolutely milked his dick. He came not even a minute later. His head naturally found its way to the crook of her neck. She gripped his broad shoulders as she came down from her high.

"Holy shit. I just fucked the chosen one." Harry giggled with her as they collapsed on the bed. Harry slowly pulled his dick out of Y/N.

"I need to get a washcloth for you. We made quite the mess." One conveniently formed next to them. He ran the cloth under the tap of the bathtub. "Can you spread your legs for me, Angel?" The feeling of the cold cloth made her jump.

"'m sorry."

"Don't be. You were incredible." Y/N smiled.

"I'm going to remember tonight forever."

"As will I."

[babygirlkiki1016]

Masterlist

Chapter 10: A lovely bond

Chapter 11: Unexpected Betrayal

I resealed the door, drawing the same pattern as before to lock it in place. I was going to miss this little cave, for more memories than I ever could imagine happened here. I ran my fingers over my newly designed dwarven braid, after Thorin saw the one I made he decided to redo my braid into a dwarven rose. It was incredibly beautiful, I don't think I'd ever want to take it out.

"Well, you owe me a tooth." Kili wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we headed to the shifter's home. For he had more supplies that we needed, especially some from my home that we have supplied him with. "I found your courter, I will say I am surprised that it was my uncle. I never believed he could feel that way towards you, but now I understand why he didn't want you to think about marriage."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"He didn't want you to marry anyone else but him, I guess that means we get to call you auntie now. Auntie Y/n, rolls off the tongue doesn't it?"

"Although I'm glad that my uncle has warmed up to you, why would you want to be with someone who hurt you more than once?" Fili came close to my right, giving me a curious look. I didn't know why I loved Thorin, all he has ever done was make me feel sad. Did I fall in love because I wanted a person that didn't want me?

"I don't know the answer to that Fili, I have no idea why I fell in love with him. Thought I'm glad I did, for he has made me feel something I haven't felt in years." My gaze trailed over to the King who is staring back at me with a soft smile, my heart fluttered. As we made our way to the shifter's home, I rejoined my beloved who led the company.

"Thorin." I greeted, making him glance over at me with the same grin from earlier.

"Good morning amralime, I was beginning to worry you were ignoring me. For you haven't said a thing to me all morning."

"I was busy helping the others pack their things, for some reason they kept bowing as I approached." They had never done that before, and to me it was weird they would treat me such way. It became highly annoying, I had to keep reminding them that they didn't have to do that.

"You are my betrothed, soon you will be the Queen under the mountain. They have recognized you as one of their own, and accepted you as their Queen."

"I've done nothing to prove I'm a good leader, how could they call me such?"

"They first started to admire you when you asked for me to set your people free if you fell. Then you protected us in the Goblin tunnels, and when we were fighting the trolls. Even when you left, you still came back, you showed loyalty. And that's all they can ever ask for, it's all I can ask for." He slipped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him, that look of adoration now had a permanent place on his features. Yet the small romantic moment came to an end, darkness appeared behind us, an orc pack was not far behind.

"Thorin." The look on my face was obvious, he shouted to the others to get their weapons ready. "This way!" I led them far into the forest, and soon we made our way onto Beorn's land. We ran across the field, the Orcs hot on our heels stop when they hear the creature roaring close by. We rushed to his house with the insanely large bear traveling behind us, quickly I unlocked the door letting everyone in. The creature lunges its head through it, and we all push to close the door. After being slightly injured by the pressure of the gate, Beorn finally moves his head and we manage to shut and lock the entrance.

"What is that?" Ori asked turning to me and the great grey wizard that stood beside me.

"That is our host," Gandalf explained as my focus went to Thorin, who was leaning on the door tiredly. He held his side, I reached forward and pulled away his cloak to see that he was bleeding slightly. "His name is Beorn, he’s a skin-changer. Sometimes he’s a huge black bear, sometimes he’s a great strong man. The bear is unpredictable, but the man can be reasoned with. However, he is not overly fond of dwarves."

"Come, let me fix your bandage." I let Thorin lean on me slightly, slowly I set him down on a nearby stool as the rest of the dwarves questioned if Beorn's abilities were dark magic or not. As Thorin slipped off his top clothing I grabbed a herb from my homeland that we had given to Beorn which he rarely ever uses. It's more of a 'just in case' necessity, good thing he has it.

"What is that?" Thorin took the red egg-like plant from my hand, examining it.

"It's called Arigonis, the juice inside has healing properties, it's a very rare plant. Well was, but we found a way to grow it, it'll heal your injuries all the way. However it will take time, a hour or so tops so don't scratch at it no matter how much it itches." I brought over a small bowl with water within, kneeling in front of him I took the plant and broke it apart. Using the juice and skin, I made this paste-like substance to put on his injuries. He had already taken his bandages off and discarded them to the side. When I looked up to cover him in the red-like paint, our faces were close, it was hard not to kiss him though I hardly doubt he would mind. I got to work in covering him with the herb, and it didn't take long before he went to scratch at it. "Hey, no don't do that." I slap his hand away playfully, he groans in frustration.

"It itches."

"That's how you know it's working, but if you scratch at it your wound won't heal all the way." He wants to scratch it badly, his fingers dug into his thigh so he wouldn't be tempted. Once I was done covering him in the agitating red paste, I washed my hands before making my way back over to him. I removed his hands from his thighs and made him focus on me. I was nervous, for I had never sang in front of anyone before but I figured it would help. I took a deep breath, keeping my gaze to the floor. "Wind howls in my hair, the world stops when you come this near. Starlight on your skin, the sky sways as you pull me in. And I, I wanna swim in your ocean. I wanna know how to love again, Ooh take me into your arm, sirens call, how fast I fall. Beneath your waves, no storm can take my eyes from you." Everyone turned to me, listening as I sang the song my mother used to hum to me when I was a child. "Crash down to my knees, their fears and hopes flood over me.

Your hand finds my own and shows me that I'm not alone. Now I, I'm diving deep in your ocean, I see the way to redemption, Ooh.

Take me into your arms, sirens call, how fast I fall. Beneath your waves, no storm can take

my eyes from you." All gathered around to listen as I sang the vocals, while others closed their eyes to sleep to the sound.

"Y/n." Thorin rested his hand upon my cheek, making me lean into his touch with a need to feel it. His eyes shined with a lovable glare, for he was stunned at my sudden talent.

"Take me into your arms, sirens call, how fast I fall. Beneath your waves, no storm can take

my eyes from you." (Song called Into Your Arms by Ryan Louder & Serena). Thorin's lips found it's way to mine, the rough skin made me crave more but we can only do so much in front of the others.

"You should sing more often." He gave me a pleading look, I rolled my eyes and retrieved another bandage to wrap around his torso.

"Perhaps I will, but for now you need to rest."

"Sing me to sleep, my Queen?" I kissed his forehead, smiling at his request. His hands landed on my waist pulling me in, but he kept me away just far enough where I wouldn't mess up the paste.

"Anything for you my King."

~♪♠♪~

My arms rested around the dwarven man, his hair tickling my nose slightly. Ever since we had proclaimed our love to each other he's been wanting me to sleep by his side. Which of course I was willing to do, but it made me think. How long would I have a moment like this? Surely the other dwarven kingdoms would want him to marry someone suitable, though maybe I am suitable. Once we get those reports and it's shown to the world that my kin is innocent they wouldn't be able to turn down an alliance with the Queen of the Digonisks.

"You seem deep in thought." Thorin's voice rumbled, a shiver ran down my spine at the sudden vibration.

"Have you been watching me this entire time?" He shifted onto his side, those beautiful blue orbs meeting mine.

"No, but I can tell when your asleep and when your not. And when you think deeply about certain things you tend to frown or smile. Today you did both." His thumb caressed my cheek, a gesture to make sure I was alright. "What is it amralime?"

"After this quest, and my kin goes free, won't your people want you to marry someone suitable?"

"You are suitable, there is evidence that digonisks are innocent. Once the humans and the rest of my people realize their mistake, they'll do anything to make their wrongs a right."

"...What if the scrolls aren't there? What if we never find them, will you still love me?"

"Of course." He seemed hurt that I began to doubt his feelings, a determined look appeared. He leaned forward and pecked my lips, but it soon became a more passionate kiss. Luckily we were in one of the empty stables for privacy, or the others would be grossed out. His arms wrapped tightly around me, I settled on top of him and straddle his waist. His bandages remained on his chest, for I had forgotten to take them off last night yet his wounds should be healed all the way now. With a smirk he flipped us over, his muscular figure now above my own.

"We're gonna get caught."

"Let them see." He goes to kiss me again but a loud fake gag was heard from behind him.

"No don't them see." Kili covered his eyes along with his brother, I gave Thorin an 'I told you so' look. "We came to tell you breakfast has been made." They quickly scurried away, sighing Thorin stood and we headed to the dining room. Everyone is sat at a table being served breakfast by Beorn, whose eyes widened when he saw me.

"Y/n." He nods his head slightly as a greeting, but a frown comes upon his features. "What are you doing here with a bunch of dwarves? Shouldn't you be in-" He stopped talking, for he did not want to give away our hidden home.

"No, I've been helping these men for the past few months. Don't worry Beorn they know, and they've accepted me." I stood in front of Thorin, undoing the white cloth that had been around his torso for far too long.

"If your here then who's running things?"

"Lani, my handmaiden why is there something wrong?"

"I've received word from your people that I must pay tribute for the Arigonis. They want me to cut wood so they can collect it." I stopped, pay tribute? I've never had him pay tribute before and Lani knows that, besides it's not that rare of a plant anymore.

"And if you refuse?"

"They wouldn't supply me with it anymore, and if I continue to refuse they threatened to imprison me. At first, I was angry for I never expected this out of you but seeing you now showed me that you had nothing to do with it." Imprisonment? That was nothing like my kin, what was going on while I was away?

"Who gave the order?"

"Fenris delivered me the scroll explaining how things were going to be handled from now on. Though I don't think it was him." There was no way Lani would take control like this, she was an innocent girl, right? Or was she abusing the power I gave her? Maybe it was a misunderstanding, that's not like her, she can barely ask me for something. "They're coming later to receive my answer, they should be here in a few-" Before he could finish his answer there was pounding on the door, well speak of the devil.

"Thorin wipe off the paste, I'll be back." Angrily I opened the barn door to see Fenris, the commander of my armies who immediately bowed along with the rest of his group.

"My Queen! I did not realize you were here."

"I did not realize someone gave the order to threaten my friend, who ordered that Beorn would have to give up his wood for the herb?"

"Well, you did my Queen." I was taken aback, and I could hear gasps behind me. The dwarves watched as I went from angry to absolutely furious.

"I gave no such command, for I haven't been in contact with anyone for quite some time. Where did you hear about this?"

"Lani showed us the paper you supposedly signed, that anyone we give supplies to must pay tribute in return and if not, they shall be imprisoned or worse...be sentenced to death."

@fili-is-my-lover @kirenia15 @lunariasilver @depressedchilipepper @tschrist1 @ayamenimthiriel @ask-the-elf-stuff

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Eight

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, substance abuse

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"H-Hi." Deana tries to keep her composure upon the sight of Nikki freshly off-stage. 

He looks more pale than he was before heading to play, his sweat cloaked body shaking slightly. 

His mother, her dark hair curled and bright red lips tugging into a sappy smile as tears bubble in her eyes.

Even without probably knowing the whole story, Axl and the guys know Nikki doesn't have a relationship with his mom, and the nightmare about to take place has them slowly leaning against the wall of the hallway, quietly looking down, uncomfortable with getting caught in the middle of this. 

"What are you doing here?" Nikki asks, confused, more than likely questioning if its a hallucination from mixing too many drugs or not. 

"I made the arrangement." Doc states chipperly, stupidly thinking Nikki would be happy. "An early Christmas present." He adds. 

"I wanted to see you," She tells her son, taking a few steps closer, "I wanted to see both of you...I've already missed out on so much." She explains, looking at me. "I-I know the timing is off, but I really wanted to talk to you." 

"No, the timing isn't off--" I try to assure her. 

"--Don't waste your breath, Viv, she's just gonna ask for money and then disappear for another ten years." Nikki scoffs, brushing past her. 

"Frank--"

"--That's not my name." He snaps to her. 

"It's the name on your birth certificate, Frankie. Frank Ferana. It might not be as glamorous as 'Nikki Sixx' but--" 

"--It's Nikki. Legally. It's Sixx. Legally. It's her last name. Legally." He refers to me and she clenches her jaw. "And any kids I have are gonna have that last name. Legally. I'm not 'Frank', or 'Frankie', and I'm certainly not a fucking 'Ferana' so don't even start that shit."

"You're still my baby." She tells him, trying not to cry. "I came all this way to see you." She adds, wrapping her arms around him. 

I see the glimmer of a little boy in his eyes, for a split second, then it's quickly pushed aside and replaced with that of an angry, abused, hurt, scorned, abandoned dog. 

And he's going for the throat in a moment the second she says:

"Oh, my Frankie." 

He's shoving her off of him so hard she nearly goes to the floor. 

"That's not my fucking name!" He screams at her, throwing his bottle of Jack at the ground at her heeled-boot covered feet. 

He's storming off, Doc following after him, and Fred takes a breath and goes to Deana, to politely usher her out. 

"That's fucked." Izzy mumbles, shaking his head slightly, going to their dressing room and I walk behind them. 

"Nikki--"

"--Who the fuck do you think you are?! Huh?! Who the hell are you to bring my personal life front and center for every God damn body to see?!" 

"I didn't realize you and your mother weren't on good terms." Doc tells him, honestly. 

"You think I'm this fucked up for the hell of it?! You think I'm this way after growing up with parents who gave a shit?! Really?!" Nikki laughs humorlessly.

"Nikki, I'm sorry, alright?" 

"No, you're not, you don't give a shit and you never have, you're just another greedy fuck getting his rocks off from the money in my pocket but I'm done!" He yells, turning to walk away. "You don't know what's fucking best for me, you don't care about me, you don't care about the band, you're not my fucking father and you sure as shit aren't my manager anymore so just go get fucked, Doc, you're fucking fired!" He calls. 

"You're not fired." I assure Doc, wanting to go after him, but not able to bring myself to. 

He doesn't want to talk to me about it. 

I am surprised to see Axl rub his forehead and roll his jaw before stalking past me, Nikki's way. 

"Where you going?" I ask him. 

"I fucking hate my mom." Is all he says as he goes by. 

I didn't know what exact issue Axl had with his own mother, but I'd later find out it was because her horrible judgment in men and what abuse she'd allow him and his siblings to endure from those men, along with her forceful hand in religion that she and Axl's stepfather enforced brutally on their kids.

"Did Doc really not mean to set that up?" Steven asks me when I get into their dressing room. 

"No, he didn't." I reply. 

"Is Nikki gonna be okay?" Tansy asks quietly. 

"I don't know, Tansy." I roll my eyes and she furrows her brows, slightly. 

"Do you even care?" She asks me and I look at her. 

"Tans--" Duff starts. 

"--No, I mean, really, Vivian. Do you even care?" She cuts him off. 

"Excuse me?" I ask, practically seeing the dullness in her eyes of a mixed-drug high.

Without a doubt coke and smack.

"Of course I care, Tansy. Just because he and I are separated doesn't mean I want him to suffer."

"Way to take one for the team by sleeping with Duff, then, because surely that is the one thing that has to be done to prevent Nikki's suffering." She states. 

"What I do and who I do it with is my business, Tansy." I tell her, crossing my arms. 

"Sure doesn't sound that way when everybody on the same floor as you can hear nothing but, 'ahh, ahh, Duff, ahh!'" She mimics moaning. 

"Maybe I'm staying under Duff so much because if I don't, you'll take it as an open invitation, and there really are some people you don't have to try to sleep with mandatorily based on their wallet size, Tansy." 

"Just like there are some people you don't have to sleep with based on whether or not they're gonna be big rockstars or not." She shoots back. 

"Wanna be the pot or the kettle?" I ask. 

"I want you to stop adding fuel to the fire and then acting like your hands are clean while smiting all of us." She outbursts. 

"Smite you for adding to his problems? Offering him drugs when he's already going down hill? Letting him think screwing another woman is okay--not even screwing her, having an entire relationship with her." I correct myself. 

"Given the circumstances of your marriage, he needed an escape." She says next. 

"Given the circumstances of your new-found smack-induced courage, you act like you need my fist to knock your teeth out." 

"Viv--"

"--Then you'll really be laying on your back to get work." 

"But at least I do work. What do you do? Aside from spend Nikki's money and sleep with his friends?" 

"I'm not killing him like you and Sparkie have been with your junkie bullshit." I manage to keep myself from having an outburst, more concerned with Nikki's crisis with his mom. 

"Not yet, at least." She mumbles as I'm walking out. 

"Where you guys going?" Tommy asks as we head to leave for the bus. 

"Um… about to pack our stuff up and head out?" Izzy replies.

"No, no, no, just because Nikki's parade's been pissed on doesn't mean ours has to be." Tommy suggests to them. 

"Yeah, c'mon it's our last night hangin' out for a while." Vince points out, two groupies already under each arm. 

"I was gonna check on Sixx." Slash explains. 

"I'm fine." Nikki shows up, his hands on Slash's shoulders, tightly in an aggravating manner, making Slash chuckle as he twists away from him. 

Axl isn't far behind, he and Izzy looking at the invitation to hangout with the guys one last time on this tour, hesitantly. 

"What the hell," Izzy shrugs. 

"So glad you said that, man, because we have a special surprise." Nikki grins, beckoning them with his finger. 

"Stevie, c'mon!" Duff exclaims from behind me, Steven exiting their dressing room with Tansy behind him. 

"You good?" He asks Nikki. 

"Yeah." Nikki assures him. "I have a present." He adds, leading the guys to the double doors of what I assume is a bigger room. 

Sure enough, he opens the door, and at least ten girls are lined up, naked, asses up, thick lines of coke down their spines. 

Nausea nestles it's way into my stomach, but Tommy, Vince and Nikki look as if this is their promised land. 

Even Steven looks slightly off-put by the brazen display. 

Complete disinterest cascades off of Duff, a heavy puff of cigarette smoke leaving his nostrils with the huff of his unamused breath. 

"Who's first?" Nikki asks. 

Naturally, the guys look to their "leader," and Axl reluctantly rolls his eyes and walks over to the first girl. 

It's like he refuses to acknowledge she's naked, his main focus is the line of coke on her back. 

He snorts one-eighth of the line before deciding that's enough. 

I don't blame him--the way his fingers hold at the bridge of his nose makes me wince because I know it probably burns like a bitch. 

"Boo!" Tommy disappointedly calls to Axl as he walks out. 

He's had his party. 

Izzy follows. 

"More for us." Nikki shrugs, smirking. 

He looks at me directly in the eyes, heavy black liner sharpening the contrast of his hazel eyes as he keeps my gaze, spitefully unbuckling his belt and he starts unlacing his pants, making his way to the girl Axl was at earlier. 

He is not…

Duff's snatching me out of the room only milliseconds before Nikki enters the girl in sync with snorting the line up her skin.

That was that.

It's a bittersweet draw to an end, "thank you" and "damn, I'm gonna miss you" seeming to be on everyone's lips as hugs and high-fives go around between all the boys once we get back to L.A.

I rub my lips together and smile softly as I hand Fred my purse to put in the car, sighing softly, smiling when he looks down at me. 

"See ya later, kid." He tells me and tears swell in my eyes as I wrap hug him tightly, taking him off guard a little. "Don't kill each other...not even over that dumb shit he pulled tonight." He says, referring to the groupie cocaine platter. 

"I'll try." I mumble, wiping my eyes quickly before stepping up to say bye to the guys. 

Steven and Slash are pretty easy, but Axl just stares at me for a moment before reluctantly wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tightly. 

"I'm sorry I was an asshole this entire trip." He mumbles lowly in my ear. 

"I'm sorry I almost got you kicked off." I reply in the same low tone. 

"You're one of the reasons they took us in the first place." He states, pulling away to look at me, cupping my face in his hands, grinning. "You're gonna keep up my lie that we're siblings, right?" He asks and I chuckle. 

"You guys are gonna make it big and I need a meal ticket so of course." I shrug and his smile grows wider. "I love you." I tell him. 

"I love you, too." He assures me, kissing me on the cheek, giving me one last squeezing hug before heading to their bus. 

Izzy looks at me for a moment. 

"Izzy." I say to him. 

"Viv." He acknowledges me and steps to the bus. 

Just before Duff can tell me 'bye', arms are locking around my waist, and pulling me against the person they belong to. 

"Izzy?" I ask after a moment. 

"We're not friends." He says, pulling away to leave, leaving me and Duff. 

"Um, I'll see you later?" I offer and he rubs his lips together, his eyes over my shoulder, and I look to see Nikki and a woman that we'd picked up from the airport, getting into the car. 

I turn back to face Duff, biting my tongue to keep my tears back. 

"You can stay with me tonight." Duff offers. 

"Really?" 

He just smiles down at me. 

I inhale the familiarly comforting scent of cigarette smoke as we walk into Duff's apartment, dropping my bags and running to the bedroom, face planting into the mattress, exhausted. 

The weight of Duff's body laying on top of me making me laugh, his own chuckle further making me grin. 

"I'm so tired." I tell him.

"Me too." He replies, and I turn over underneath him, wrinkling my nose.

"You stink." I say. 

"I think I smell pretty sexy." He grins, teasingly. 

"No." I shake my head a little, scrunching my face to my shoulder when he tries to kiss my neck. "Go shower." I giggle when he tries again. 

"Come shower with me." He counters. 

"I don't feel like it and I don't stink, so--ew, Duff!" I squeal as he takes his shirt off that reeks of sweat and rubs it all over my face and hair. 

"What about now?" He asks and I pick up the pillow above my head and start hitting at him with it.

After a few hits are gotten in, he's getting off the bed, stretching. 

"You coming?" He asks when he walks to the bathroom. 

"I guess." I reply, following after him. 

Once I get out and have one of Duff's shirts on, I go to the kitchen to grab some water before bed, the quietness of the apartment allowing different thoughts to invade my mind. 

I can't help but wonder what Nikki's doing. Is he high? Is he drunk? Is he even still alive? They leave in a few days for Japan but I honestly don't believe they should go. They need help. 

I think at this moment everyone's just trying to see if they can get away with pressing at them a little more without anybody snapping. 

But by the looks of it, Nikki is pretty damn close to snapping, and Tommy anf Vince and Mick aren't far behind at all. 

Nikki. 

My heart tightens in my chest, remembering last Christmas, how he sat curled under our tree, shooting up. 

He'd get strung out, then lay underneath the tree and stare up at the lights for hours. 

"Are we gonna buy a Christmas  tree?" I ask, looking at the empty living area. 

"If you want to." He calls to me from the bedroom.

"I want to." I reply, going into the room and getting in bed while he follows. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. You know, homey-ness and stuff." I add. "Especially if I'm gonna be here longer." I add and he falls beside me. 

"I'll get a tree tomorrow." He assures me, kissing me chastely before yawning and getting comfortable, and I turn off the lamp and lay down, too. 

He goes to sleep in no time, but two hours later, in the early hours of morning, I smile to myself in the dark room, Christmas lights from the street shining into the window, lighting up the room and cascading a comforting dim light over Duff's sleeping body next to me. 

Reaching over, I run my fingertips softly against his cheek, pushing blonde strands of his hair out of the way, his eyes slowly blinking open slightly before a small tug of a smile pulls his lips slightly. 

"Sorry." I whisper, not meaning to have woken him up. 

"It's okay." He says quietly, closing his eyes again. "I love you, Vivian." He adds, his eyes staying closed, but he grabs my hand that's on his cheek, and presses a kiss to my palm, holding my hand when he's done. 

I snuggle closer to him, laying still and closing my eyes, too, while I reply, "I love you, too," the way I wish I would have done to Nikki all these years. 

Years later, while on what I presumed to be his deathbed, he told me that simple moment was what made him feel sure that I was the one. I took everything he had done up to that point with stride. But thinking he was going to die, reflecting on everything that could have been between us but never got to be, and hearing him tell me, "there's a ring I got you years ago when we thought we were gonna be together, but I never gave it to you. Mandy never knew about it. Linda doesn't know about it, but it's on my closet shelf and I don't want to go without giving it to you," broke my heart more than anything he could've done up to that point.

NIKKI

I turn over, seeing the silhouette of the brunette I picked up at the airport, her sheet-covered chest rising and falling with each breath. 

A part of me feels irritated because her perfume is contaminating Vivian's side of the bed that still smells like her. 

I've been reduced to plucking Viv's clothing from drawers or from in the closet and smelling it. That makes me sound like a fucking stalking creep, but it's the truth. 

How the fuck did we get here, again? 

Oh, right, me not able to keep my dick in my pants, and the woman I didn't keep my dick in my pants for, didn't keep her mouth shut.

I sit up, walking to the bathroom to piss. When I'm done I look at myself in the mirror and feel a little impressed. 

I don't look as bad as I thought. 

Well, kinda. 

I splash water on my face, wincing at the dark circles under my eyes. 

I end up staring at myself for God knows how long, remembering how Vivian would wake up and come in here to get me back in bed if I left her for too long because she didn't like sleeping by herself. 

I smile a little, slowly closing my eyes, feeling her touch across my back, the softness of her lips pressing to the skin of my spine before her cheek presses to the same place before she sleepily mumbles out, "come back to bed." 

Opening my eyes, for a split second, I see her. Standing behind me, green eyes peering at me over my shoulder, the feeling of her holding me...it's gone in a flash. She's gone in a flash. 

My nose burns with the oncoming tears cooking up in my eyes, and I erase them quickly with another splash of water to thr face. 

[submitforher]

alright then, here it goes. I'll try my best to be as precise as possible. so you already know, that i wear those big, nerdy glasses, if i remember that correctly. anyways, i am 5'3, kinda petite, and look innocent, at least that's what everyone around me says. my hands are small and I've looked it up- I'd have shoe size six in the us. i have dark brown almost black, wavy hair and tan/caramel toned skin. i have big dark brown eyes, a button nose, full eyebrows and very long lashes, which i am very proud of hehe. even though i am rather small, i am blessed with just the right curves on my assets yk, kinda a mix between an hourglass and triangle shape. i have thicker thighs, full lips, and c cups. i also recently noticed, that i also have stretch marks on my upper thighs, so that's something new. however i am kinda self conscious of my love handles and hip dips. i love to doll up and do my make-up nearly every day and regularly get my nails done as well. i think that's all I've got so far :)

- ♡

how are you so fucking attractive? though you’re self-conscious about parts of your body, i’d worship your body in all of its glory like the work of art that you are. if i had an ideal type, that’d be you.

[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 1.

A/N: hey guys ik this is really random for my page but i got bored lol pls enjoy?? 

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student

Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun 

CHAPTER 1

"I still can't believe you're moving."

 You sighed, leaning your head on your boyfriend's shoulder. "Don't remind me."

 It had been a month since your parents had told you about the big move and school would be starting the next week, which is when you'd be moving.

  Ryan lied his hand on your thigh as he squeezed it a bit. "I was thinking, you know," he started, "since you're moving and all... y/n, don't you think it'd be better if we--"

  You already knew where this was going. "Break up?" you finished for him. He didn't say anything, causing you to chuckle a bit. "It's alright," you told him. "I've been thinking the same thing."

 "You have?"

  You took your head off of his shoulder, looking him in the eyes. "Yeah. I mean, it only makes sense, right? What would be the purpose of staying together?" You gave him a small smile of which he returned. You and Ryan had only been together for 5 months, not really making it a big deal.

"You know I care about you, right?"

"Yes," you confirmed. "Same goes here. Just because we're 'ending this', doesn't mean we're ending us. I'll still keep in contact with you and check up here and there."

 Smiling at you, he stuck his pinky finger out. "Promise?"

 You quickly interlocked your pinky with his. "Promise."

                                                              ~~

  Turns out, saying your goodbyes to your friends wasn't the hard part. You already knew this was going to be a problem but you had been in Korea for over two hours and still had yet to find someone that spoke English. You guys began to settle in your apartment with the help of moving guys, and you had decided that you wanted to take a look around, maybe buy a snack.

  Little to no avail, you couldn't find many American snacks like you were expecting to, and when you did, they surely didn't taste the same. Anyway, you was trying to make your way back to your new home when you realized you didn't know where you were going. Google Maps was acting up, and you were too afraid to attempt the Korean you actually did know with local natives. Therefore, you tried to ask, using as much broken English as you could to make it simple on them. However, they weren't very helpful but at least they all seemed nice. You thought maybe if you made one more attempt, you could have hit the jackpot. "Uh, excuse me sir."

The older man stopped in his tracks and stared at you. "Uh... Yes?" He asked, sounding quite nervous.

Right then and there, just from his tone, you knew he wasn't going to be much useful. You politely smiled. "Never mind." You bowed and he went on with his day. Ugh, why were you so scared to speak Korean. You were actually pretty good at it at some point due to your childhood best friend, Shi Ah. Practically her sister, you two were around each other all the time and you easily picked up the language. It was fun because you guys would always say things about people with them right there without them knowing what you two were speaking about.

 But, unfortunately, Shi Ah had to move to China Freshman year due to a job opportunity for her journalist parents. The goodbye was extremely hard but you both eventually moved on, you becoming best friends with Mariana and Riley, her doing God knows what. You even fell out of touch so you had no idea what she’d been up to the past few years. It was sad but it quickly became your new normal.

 Anyway, you knew, eventually you were going to have to get over your fear of speaking Korean but until then, you sighed and took in the scenery surrounding you to see if anything looked familiar, but nope. You stood there, deciding that maybe it was time to call a parent. As you went to dial your moms number, you suddenly become very distracted.

"Lost?" you heard a voice say.

You looked up from your phone to the girl that now stood in front of you. "You speak English?" you stupidly asked. The girl laughed. "I'm sorry," you apologized, realizing how rude you probably sounded.

"Don't be, it's understandable. What can I help you with though?" The girl was really pretty. She had perfect skin with long blonde hair and bangs that made her wide eyes stand out.

You let out a breath, looking down at your phone. "I need help getting back home."

She giggled. "Already? Come on." She then proceed to walk ahead of you as you, confusingly, followed.

"But wait, you haven't even asked where I live."

"Its alright, we're in the same neighborhood. I saw you earlier," she explained. It then made sense. However, you had not seen her. The girl was gorgeous, you must admit, so you would have remembered seeing her.

"So we're neighbors," you stated.

"Yup."

"What's your name?"

Still walking, she looked back at you and smiled. "Jinsoul. But my English speaking friends call me Zoè. Say which ever you'd like."

You nodded, repeating her name in your head a few times. A habit you picked up in order to remember people’s names. 

"And you?" she asked.

"Y/n."

"That’s pretty," she complemented you. “It’ll be hard to forget.”

Only a short block later, you guys were back into the neighborhood. "Thank you so much," you said as you began to reach your doorstep. "I owe you." 

 After exchanging numbers, she informed you that she only lived a corner away from you and that if you ever needed anything, you could just ask.

______

 The next day, you were starting school. You walked around the corner and saw your mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast. You knew that your Dad didn't leave the house until 9 am. "Morning, Mom," you greeted her.

She turned away from the pancakes she was in the middle of making and smiled at you. "Y/n! Morning baby, are you excited for school?"

 You shrugged your shoulders while smirking as you placed your back pack on the kitchen island table. "I guess. I don't really know what to expect though."

"Well if there's any advice I can give you, it's : Don't stress. Seriously, it'll make everything go wrong."

Instead of a reply, you sighed, still feeling sleepy. "Why are you up so early?" you asked her.

She then proceeded back to making the pancakes. "For you."

"Oh no, you didn't need to do that, Mom. I'm about to leave out."

She looked at you with a confused expression on her face. "Well then what are you going to eat?"

"There's a store around the block, I was just gonna grab a quick snack and head to the school early."

"Early?" she wondered.

You shook your head. "Yup. Want to get my schedule 100 percent accurate and get a mini tour of the building before it gets too crowded." Your mom kind of smirked, looking at you from the side of her eyes. You giggled. "What?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing, it's just nice seeing you be responsible and positive on the first day. I know you didn't exactly picture your senior year to go this way but I just want you to make the best of it and I think you're off to a good start so far, sweetie."

You smiled. She was right, you guess. You did feel very out of place but not in a bad way exactly. You'd rather be home but you weren’t. You were in Seoul, South Korea and what would you be able to do about it? Nothing. So why not do what you can and make it a good experience rather than a negative?

She then turned the stove off and fully looked at you. "Get going. Have a nice day of school!"

As soon as you left the apartment building, you saw the girl from the day before walking in your direction. She beamed widely at your appearance. "Y/n!" she yelled.

You gave her a gentle smile, waiting for her to catch up with you. Once she did, you both continued walking together. "You look nice for your first day."

"Thanks, you look nice too!"

You started to think that she was also going to the store. So you both walked in silence for a little bit until you arrived there. The bell dinged on the door as she opened it. The older cashier man looked at you strangely. She noticed this. "Don't mind him," she said. "He does this to everyone."

You shook your head understandingly. "Okay."

She went over to the fridge section and grabbed banana milk, as did you, then a pack of peanuts and you went up to pay for your stuff while she was still looking. Once she was done, you two stepped back out into the hot heat. Only a few moments later, a group of three good looking guys showed up, talking amongst themselves as they headed to school as well in their uniforms. This made you believe you were getting closer to the bus stop.

On the side of you, you heard Jinsoul let out a slight laugh, making you turn to her. She was looking at the boys. Next thing you knew, they were looking back at her and walking over towards you guys. "A-are they coming over here?" you stuttered.

"Looks like it," she replied cooley, a small smirk glued to her face.

You quickly gave your hair a little fix as you both suddenly stopped walking, waiting for the boys to join.

"Yah, Jinsoul!", one of them said. He continued to speak in Korean as you zoned out, worried about if they would try to speak to you too. Sooner or later, you heard your name being said by Jinsoul and the boys all kind of glanced your way, throwing you off track. 

They eventually turned their attention back to Jinsoul, continuing their conversation. All except the one boy, whom was the most adorable of them all. He blankly stared at you, his eyes even squinting a bit.

You shifted one foot to the other as you looked down at the pavement, slightly uncomfortable with this. You then heard him laugh and when you looked back up, he was smiling at you. You nervously smiled back before he finally went back to paying attention to Jinsoul. They spoke in some more Korean.

After a good minute or two passed, you heard them saying goodbye, the cutest one being the only one to wave at you. Once they were out of ear shot, you turned to Jinsoul. "Uh, Jinsoul?"

"Hm?" she wondered, nonchalantly.

"Who were they?"

She laughed loudly before covering her mouth quickly. "Really?" she asked. "You really don't know who they are?"

Of course you didn't know who they were, why was she expecting you to? You tilted your head slightly. "I mean, I'm not from here," you explained.

"True." She began to walk again, you following. "They're all idols."

"Idols?" you wondered. "As in?"

"As in 'famous', y/n."

 You slightly hesitated, letting this new profound information soak into your brain. "Famous as in?"

"They sing. Dance. Rap. They're idols. K-pop idols."

You knew of K-pop, you looked it up upon arriving to Seoul but were no expert at it and of course the only people you ever even slightly heard of were Psy, Exo and Got7. Other than that, you were completely ignorant to the Korean pop industry. "Are they all in the same group?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Two of them are. The other one, aka, my friend, is still a trainee, which means he hasn't debuted yet but he's training to."

"Interesting." You walked a few more seconds in silence until you absolutely had to ask their names. Specifically for the one guy.

She deviously smiled, already knowing what was up your sleeve. "I see what you're doing," she stated. "But if you insist. My friend's name is Bae Joon Young. We call him Jacob. The other one is Kim Taehyung and the one that you seem interested in is Park Jimin."

"Jimin," you repeated. "But wait. If they're all famous, why were they in uniform to go to school?"

"Because they have to," she told you. "They all made an agreement that if they ever dropped out of school, they are eligible to be dropped from their company. Plus Taehyung and Jimin just debuted so they have to listen to their company right now. It's a pretty logical idea if I do say so myself."

You guys finally arrived at the bus stop and she explained to you what you would do after being released at the first stop. You both went to different schools. While you went to a Foreign school, she attended a performing arts school with a ton of other inspiring and/or famous people.

Of course you saw the boys again at the bus stop but they did not bother you guys this time, instead, they met up with their other friends that were also at the bus stop. The bus eventually pulled up around 7:30am and everyone got on board. Since both schools were basically right across from each other, all students got off at the same spot too. The only difference is that you and about two other students had to walk an extra block before actually getting to the International school. Once you finally arrived there, you took a deep breath and headed inside.

A/N: Bruh, I’m sorry this chapter was so BORING but it was the 1st. It should get a lil more interesting moving forward since we got most introductions out of the way. More Jimin to come next chapter! 

ALSO: I’ll be putting a gif of a main character each chapter at the end! For this chapter, we have Jinsoul, the friendly neighbor and school bus buddy! 

STAY TUNED

PART 2

[motleyfuckingcruee]

2.5: The Aftermath

Henley's P.O.V

I lay curled up in Sasha's spare bedroom. I haven't left in what feels like months. Turns out I've only been here for a week. I can't feel a thing. I'm uncomfortably numb. I can't even cry anymore. It seems that my body can't spare anymore tears. Now I just stare off into space, feeling emptier than ever.

After I ran from the guys' apartment, I ended up at Sasha's. I knew that she lived in the apartment above the bar, so I grabbed the spare key and made my way up to the small apartment. Luckily she had a spare room. I didn't even have to ask if I could stay with her. She immediately asked if I wanted to stay. I felt terrible for asking her something like that, but she didn't seem to mind.

I have no idea what to do now. I'm all alone. I tried calling my parents the night I arrived. They just told me I was now disowned. I'm not apart of my family anymore. I'm abandoned. Eventually I'll call Tommy and ask if I can stay with him, but for now I'll stay here. I hate to bother him.

I just can't believe that that jackass would cheat on me like that. Does he really have his head shoved so far up his own ass that he thought I wouldn't be upset if I knew? I fucking hate him. I never want to see him again. I can't believe I ever loved him! I loved him so much I was willing to follow them to Los Angeles when they went. I'm sure Steven is upset with him.

Steven.

God, I miss him so much. He was my best friend. He was my brother! Now I'm probably never going to see him again. I don't remember the apartment's number, and I don't plan on leaving this room for a long time. I miss Steven and Bella so fucking much. Why'd everything have to go down like it did? Why'd I have to fall for Duff? Why was I so stupid?

"Henley?" Sasha's soft voice says. I feel the bed dip down beside me. "Honey, he doesn't deserve your tears."

I sit up, pulling my legs to my chest. I rest my chin on my knees. I sigh. "I'm not upset just about Duff. It's that my parents disowned me, meaning I'll never get to see Nico again. And I probably won't ever see Steven again. He was my best friend! I'm not even sure if I'll see Madeline again. I'm sure she'll be with Steven, who's bound to be around Duff." I feel the tears prick at my eyes. "I gave everything to him."

"Henley, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize what all you did for him," Sasha says, a pitying look in her grey eyes.

"I was such an idiot. None of this would've happened if my family stayed in LA. I'd still be hanging out with Athena all the time. We'd probably go visit the Crüe and bother the shit out of them. I'd be happy."

"Think of it this way," Sasha starts. "What we go through shapes us as people. It shapes how we act and our outlook on the world. Judging on what you've gone through, I've no doubt you're gonna protect yourself and not trust as easily. That's a good thing though. Just don't completely shut yourself out from the world, alright? I don't want to see you self destruct."

I smile at her words. She's like my mom, even though she's twenty-seven. I have someone I can trust in this world other than Tommy and the Bass' after all. I get on my knees and hug her tightly.

"Thank you," I whisper, feeling her arms wrap around me as well.

"Anytime, hun."

We stay silent in each other's embrace for a while longer. Without warning, she stands up, causing me to fall onto the bed.

"We need to get you out of this stuffy room," She says, standing with her hands on her hips. "Get dressed and come down to the bar. You can hang out for a little bit. I'm sure Colin and Sebastian miss your company." I groan. "Don't try to fight me on this one Henley Baxter."

I stand up, reluctantly leaving the warmth of the bed. I stretch, walking over to my closet. There's gotta be something in here. I grin as I find one of Steven's shirts that I accidentally took when I went and got my stuff. Luckily, none of them were there when I got everything. Bella was there, though. She was happy to see me.

Anyways, I slip on the oversized shirt. I grab a pair of ripped skinny jeans and my doc martins. I put everything on, and go to the bathroom. I look over my appearance. I look pretty good. Well, my body does.

I brush my teeth quickly. Ugh, I hate the taste of toothpaste. I grab my brush and run it through the tangles of my auburn hair. I look at the finished product, trying to decide if I need to straighten it or not. I decide not to since it looks fine with my natural waves.

I walk down the stairs towards the pulsing music. I open the door at the end of the stairs and end up in the madness of the dancing bodies. My eyes widen, instantly feeling uncomfortable. Normally, this would be my scene, but not tonight. Probably not for a long time.

I make my way towards the bar. I smile as I see Sasha pretty much screaming at Colin and Sebastian for messing around while they're supposed to be working. As soon as she's done scolding them, however, I see the smile that creeps onto in her lips.

I sit down on one of the stools in front of Colin. I grin. "Where can I girl get a drink around here?"

Colin turns, and his eyes widen. "Henley!"

"Hey!" I giggle as I can see how badly he wants to jump the bar to hug me. But, he knows that Sasha would chew his ass out for it.

"Sasha told us you've been holed up in her guest room for the past week. Is everything okay, darl'?" He asks.

"Let's not talk about it, alright?" I say, feeling the sadness creep back up. I shake my head and look back up at him. I grin. "Can you get me some vodka?"

"Yes, ma'am," he grins, turning around to get me my drink.

I have the urge to look over at Madeline and I's usual table, but something is telling me not to. I don't know what's making me want to look over. I give in to the curiosity.

I turn my head to see Duff, Steven, Hyde, Madeline, and two other people I don't know sitting at the table. There's a girl and a guy. The guy had rather tan skin and chocolate brown hair. The girl is a bit pale and blonde as can be. That must be the girl that he cheated on me with.

My eyes wander to Duff. His eyes are locked on me. I can see the guilt in his eyes from here. That motherfucker.

I turn my head back as I hear the clink of the glass being set on the bar. "Thanks."

"It's actually a suicide. You look like you need it," Colin says, grinning.

I smile. "Thanks, Colin."

I take a gulp of the strong drink, hesitantly standing up. I walk over to the table that used to bring me joy. This was the table that I met the guys at. This is where it all started.

I stand in front of everyone. "Hey guys," I say with a venomous smile.

"HENLEY!" Steven screams. He basically jumps over the table to engulf me in a bear hug. "I've missed you so much!"

I giggle, hugging him back. "I missed you too, Stevie."

"Where have you been?" He asks, worry filling his bright blue eyes.

"I've been here."

"You poor thing! You've been sleeping on the bar. You don't even have a bed anymore! Come back, I swear-."

"Steven, Sasha has an apartment above the bar. I've been sleeping in the guest room," I giggle.

"Oh," He says. Even in the dim lighting I can see his cheeks turn pink.

I smile at him as he goes to sit back down. I turn to the two unknown people. "I don't believe I've met you two."

The guy speaks up first. "I'm Cal."

"Nice to meet you," I say, even though my focus is purely on the bitch in front of me. "And you are?"

"Mandy, Duffy's girlfriend," She says, cuddling into him.

I feel the jealousy and hatred flare up in me. Jealousy that Duff's not mine anymore, and hatred that Duff found a slut to cheat on me with. It's obvious she's a slut by the low cut dress she's wearing. And the fact that I can see her underwear.

"You're Henley aren't you?" She continues. "Too bad he wants me more. I don't get why he was with you in the first place. You don't have anything to offer him."

"Hey-!" Stevie tries to interject.

"I'm prettier, more experience. I totally get why he'd want me more."

I feel the tears prick my eyes. "Fuck you," I say to Duff and Mandy.

I throw my drink on Duff, then turn on my heel. I run to the door to go upstairs. I run up the stairs and to the phone. I dial the only number I know by heart, and the only person that can save me.

I wait impatiently for the phone to quit dialing. I need it to quit dialing.

"Hello?" The voice says.

"Tommy?" I cry.

THE END

-----------------

A/N: I honestly don't know what to say. I've been working on this book for months, and I can't believe it's over. There will be a sequel called Lips Of An Angel. I don't know when it will be finished. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Goodbye.

Tags:

@the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise @lo-bells @lauravic @livingdeadharley @kawennote09 @ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness @hllywdwhre @abbysdogcollar @nikkisixxwiththebass @waywardprincess666 @tommyleeownsme  

@rock-n-roll-soul-frankie @unholy-brat @eak1996 @madsthegroupie @sinningsixx @ Kissyourrosegoodbyemotley

Rocket Queen:

@knockemdeadgirl

[darley1101]

Death & Decorum Part 1: She Wants Revenge

Welcome to Death and Decorum, a 6 part miniseries that I will be posting throughout the month of October. As the title suggests it is not a love story, but one of revenge. I have done some interesting research over the last day or so and will advise you that some of the deaths depicted in this story are rather interesting and based off actual deaths that occurred in Regency England. I am very well aware that this is not going to be everyone's cup of tea, which is why I will only be tagging people who requested to be tagged by liking, reblogging, or commenting on this story's coming soon post. If you would like to be added to the tag, or even taken off, let me know. Full credit for this idea goes to @choiceslife

Warning/Triggers: Vengeful killings, mention of poison, drowning, broken neck

Death and Decorum

Part One: She Wants Revenge

Dusk was starting to fall as an unmarked carriage rolled to a stop just outside a small, out of the way apothecary. “You know what to do,” the countess ordered in a cold, distant voice. The dark haired girl sitting across from her gave a curt nod, her brown eyes shamefully studying the floor. “This is for the goods,” she pressed a coin in the girl's hand. “And this,” she jingled a small, nondescript pouch, “is for you. Twelve pieces of silver. Rather fitting don't you think?” She let out a low, emotionless chuckle when the girl's cheeks blossomed with color.

“I'm no Judas,” the girl whispered, greedily snatching the purse from the countess' fingers. “The only reason I'm doing this is my family-”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Now, do be a dear and fetch me what I've asked.” Eyes the color of a winter sky right before a storm bore into the girl, reminding her that the countess was not one to be trifled with. “Don't dally. I still need to dress for dinner.”

“Yes, Your Grace.” The girl gathered the dark skirt of her uniform and reluctantly climbed from the carriage. The Countess watched, a cold smile stretching across her berry stained lips, as the girl entered the shoppe. It hadn't taken much to turn the girl. Word of an ailing father and the promise of silver had been all it took. Judas. Briar. Both had sold their loyalty for twelve pieces of silver and both would have innocent blood on their hands.

It rained, which was only fitting since it matched the raw, coldness building inside Rebecca Young. The sharp, skin piercing drizzle that stabbed at the world, painting it a melancholy gray, also provided the perfect cover for the tears she was incapable of producing. It was a pity, really. She wanted so desperately to feel something other than the icy hatred that was starting to course through her veins. She wanted to be the sort of daughter that dropped to her knees beside the yawning hole where her father's coffin was being lowered, screaming against the injustice of his death. To give into such urges wouldn't be ladylike, so like the good little puppet she'd become she stood quietly between the caterwauling form of her dear, dear step-mother and the sniffling mouse who clung to the arm of the countess' stoic faced son. 'The evil trifecta,' Rebecca thought bitterly. The murderous widow putting on a marvelous show of grief, the tittering twit who was too busy gathering juicy tidbits to gossip about with her betters to realize she was naught but a pawn in game she couldn't possibly win, or the mindless drone who willingly did his mother's bidding no matter how heinous the request. If it were one of those Gothic novels that were so popular, there would be a tragic heroine desperately trying to escape their nefarious clutches. Perhaps that was Rebecca's role. The grieving bastard child, too concerned with whether or not she would be tossed on the streets to properly grief. 'Never,' she curled her lips in disdain, 'I will never accept that role.'

Squaring her slender shoulders, Rebecca raised her chin a notch, her thick sooty lashes lowering over her light brown eyes while she forced herself to focus on the words coming out of the vicars mouth rather than comparing her life to the plot of tragic tale. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” The words struck a familiar chord, one buried deep beneath the gentile facade she'd carefully cultivated to please a grandmother whose love only extended as far as Rebecca's ability to procure a suitable match. For the last month she had stumbled through her own valley of death, letting the nobility slaughter any trace of the village girl that had arrived at Edgewater with a naive excitement shining in her eyes. There had been no comfort, no rod or staff to protect her, while she struggled to win the approval of a father whose life had been stolen by his inconsolable widow. Turning her head slightly, several strands of dark hair sticking to her cheek, Rebecca pierced her step-mother with a venomous look. 'From here on out I shall fear no evil,' she silently hissed, 'and you shall cower before me as I will become Edgewater's very own shadow of death. Vengeance shall have a name and that name shall be Rebecca.'

.“...and said, naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked I shall return thither; the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...”

Rebecca pursed her lips into a tight, grayish blue tinged pucker to keep from yelling. 'Liar! Filthy, filthy liar!' The Lord had given Father life, had blessed Rebecca with his affections for three glorious weeks, but the Almighty surely hadn't taken him away. His life had been stolen, wrung from his body with a poison served up by a 'loving' wife. Rebecca would give the Countess her due; she'd chosen carefully, selecting a poison that mimicked the dreaded yellow fever. 'And now she plays the part of grieving widow', Rebecca internally sneered. 'She's allowed her desperation to turn her into a novel cliché, a desperate villianess willing to sacrifice the innocent in her quest to hold on to something that was never meant to be hers.' The greatest tragedy, was Rebecca would have cared for her like a mother had the viper but shown her an ounce of affection. Instead, the countess had let her own diabolical nature twist even the smallest kindness into a sinister ploy.

“We know not why these tragedies occur.”

The lie slid easily off the tongue of the vicar. If not for the man's love of his own voice, the burial would have already concluded, father planted in the ground. Instead, the vicar continued to spoon feed deceitful words of comfort that allowed the countess to continue her theatrical display, while Rebecca could practically feel the black crepe dress her grandmother insisted she wear starting to melt. The light weight silk wasn't meant for such dampness, nor were the jet embellished slippers she wore beneath it. Not that the countess cared. She had ignored propriety by wearing a rich velvet gown designed to show case her bosom, which heaved mightily with each over exaggerated sob, and hugged her other physical assets. It was humiliating. Bad enough she was going to get away with murdering father but had she not class? Could she not at least put on a good performance and appropriately dress the part? Rebecca's fingers twisted in the delicate lawn handkerchief her grandmother had insisted she openly carry. Appearances, even in death, must be upheld. 'Unless you're the countess, then you ignore propriety in favor of dressing like some Drury lane doxy. It's alright of course, she's a grieving widow.'

“Can you believe her, that dress is absolutely scandalous,” someone behind them whispered. “I'm surprised the Dowager allowed her out in such a dress.”

“It's bait for the next one, no doubt,” another whispered. “I heard the Earl left everything to his bastard.”

Sucking in her cheeks, Rebecca bit down on the delicate flesh. The sharp pain and the coppery taste of blood were a perfect distraction from the drawing room gossip that was starting to seep into the memorial. Turning on them, demanding that they show some respect, would shift the focus off her step mother and onto herself. Aside from the one painfully true smear about her birth, the gossip was centered on the countess and Rebecca would like to keep it that way.

“Worry about her dress all you like, my concerns lie in whether or not she's contagious. If what I've heard is true, she spent every moment in his sick room. Mark my words, we'll be burying her next.”

The truth burned on Rebecca's tongue, begging to be released. She held it in, knowing her words would fall on deaf ears. With the exception of her grandmother, the rest of the world believed that her father truly had somehow contracted and succumbed to the yellow fever. And while it was doubtful that the countess had spent more than a passing moment by her ailing husband's side, that wasn't what society believed. Poor, devoted countess. Twas a pity that poison wasn't contagious. 'It could be,' a voice whispered in her ear. 'No one would question it. They're already suspecting it. Why not give them what they want?'

Tag List (To be added or removed simply comment, reblog, or message) @tmarie82 @zackzilberg @damienazariostan @leelee10898  @clarissafics @hopefulmoonobject @brightpinkpeppercorn @mrsernestsinclaire @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul @classychoicesworld @writtenbycandy @too-poor-to-buy-keys @ehkw1989 @claramillstakenalready @never-ending-choices @bobasheebaby @choiceslife  @nekkidmolerat @blackcatkita @katurrade @indiacater @boneandfur @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @jadedpixiescribbles @llamasgrl @hellospunkiebrewster @tornbetween2loves (sorry for the ones whose tags are not working.) 

[the-sundry-system]

07/06/2022

"someone has to integrate with her."

"let me do it."

"no, you have far too important a role ahead. I'll have to do it."

"but- no, you said it yourself that you're gonna integrate with Abby one day."

"it doesn't mean I can't do this. and I think I can figure out a way."

"what about the others?"

"no. she doesn't trust them enough, and they're..."

"you don't think they're strong enough."

"I don't think anyone is."

"maybe... maybe we should let her go dormant then? I don't..."

"my dear Kinsley. I know you're scared, but I need you to trust me on this. can you do that?"

"i... alright. always."

bright lights flashing by, like a subway tunnel. scraps of unintelligible dialogue, my mind warping it to sound like daleks.

I feel sick. I'm shaking, my hands covered in tar and black tears falling from my eyes. I can't see anything, but I know that. I can feel that.

faintly, I hear someone calling my name, and I think they're shaking my shoulder.

"Kai!" I hear myself weep, screaming out in loss.

the little girl sitting on the edge of the bed. her nails dig into her knees, but she doesn't seem to feel it. a soft blanket draped around her shoulders and as it begins to fall she makes no move to fix it.

I still can't see her. her face, or any colors. I just know she's covered in something sticky. blood, mud, or something else - I can't tell. her hair (whatever color it is) is long, with twigs trapped in it.

twigs? there were no low branches or bushes there. where did those come from?

"aaaaanthonyyyy," I suddenly hear a teasing voice sing out. my sister from another life. I hear her giggle, and footsteps.

a purple owl. large, fluffy, with an especially round head. and those eyes. the eyes that I can't quite tell the color of. the ones that are massive and stare into your soul with the wisdom of a thousand libraries.

I hear myself cry out, this time in the present. I feel my wings shift, and a scream deep in my throat. my claws dig into something, and more tar tears fall.

what is happening to me?

"what's happening to her?"

"she's regenerating."

I get even more confused by the words I'm sure I've heard before, but I can't remember when. memories slipping through into my ears, yet nothing but silence from the present.

at least, when it comes to everyone else.

I hear a sickening crack, and my right wing goes limp.

I feel myself vomiting at the pain, it shooting up and down my spine, my tail twitching from it too.

the crack of a whip instead, now, and my skin burns.

"make it stop," I cry out, clutching my head.

"it hurts!" not a moment later, I find myself crying out: "Kai, it hurts!"

I vomit some more at the shock of my words. at the idea that Steve is probably with me, listening, wondering who the hell this person is. Kin watching on morosely.

through my mind flashes the barest hint of an image of Kai, him holding me as I'm in pain.

but before I can even try to soak anything in, it changes again.

darkness, for a moment. I try to grasp at my thoughts, to no avail.

"Kinsley, I have to. my fox."

"please, you really don't."

"it has to be done."

"does it? or are you just trying to avoid something?"

"don't say that, please. I'm trying to help her, I just want to help."

nausea washes over me as I hear something under my claws. whether it is soft, or crunching, I cannot tell.

I do know that my cheeks burn, and I'm hearing myself scream.

"just trust me."

"are you ever going to come back from this, Sapphire? gods know you have enough baggage."

"I have to. and I want to. for you, for Jamie, for Opal and Aurora."

a pause.

"most of all, for her."

another pause.

"I'm not talking you out of this, am I?"

"no," comes the gentle answer.

"then tell me what I need to do to help."

a heaviness in my lungs. tar, drowning in it. tired. exhausted.

I know I must be shaking down to my bones.

I try to distract myself, and slowly, so slowly, the shaking starts to subside.

I still feel the pain in my back, my claws sunk into something.

I hear ominous whispers, though perhaps they only seem ominous from my state of mind.

I try to cover my ears, but my claws are stuck and my wings are broken, so I don't do much more than curl in on myself some more.

I'm confused, I'm hurting, and I'm tired.

I feel myself retch again, knowing the substance must be thick and black like the tar that covers my hands. the movement sends sharpness down my back again, and it seems all I can do is wait it out.

then, a giggle.

a hammock, bare feet hanging over.

my hand tangled in his long blond hair.

whispers between lovers.

my heart clenches, and more tears fall.

i'm dizzy, overwhelmed. exhausted.

why does my mind torment me so? what have i done to deserve this?

what haven't i done to deserve this?

my head is in a vice.

i'm slowly getting more sleepy. being constantly tired will do that to you.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

15 - In Love, For Real

This chapters songs:

Frame Of Reference: Drug Store Romeos

Baby Blue; Stevie Dinner

Magic Wand; URL

- Y. L. Perspective

"Koushi, I don't even really care about it anymore. He's not gonna be trouble, " I quietly him, waiting for him to mumble something. Instead, he kept looking down at the floor below him in silence. After giving him a summary of our history I could only assume Sugawara felt bad for assuming that Oikawa was an issue.

"I was just scared; with the way you looked at him and hid when you saw him, I assumed you felt unsafe or that something had happened between you and him. But I'm sorry. I know approaching the situation with 'I'll beat his ass' isn't exactly the best solution to finding out what happened," He giggled. Koushi was extremely angry with the idea that I was in the same room with somebody who might have done something to or with me. Oikawa only wishes.

His shoulders become soft when I pat them with my left hand. We had just gotten to my house after coming back from the gym, exhausted from the practice game, even if we hadn't played. Koushi leaned back onto his car, putting his hands into his pockets and sighing. "Spring is around the corner,

Y/n," he says in a gentle tone. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to take you out a lot during that time. Even if we're just friends."

'Just friends? Is that what he thinks we are?' I furrow my brows in frustration. After much panic and distress from this entire situation with Koushi, I wasn't expecting him to turn all "friendly" with me. "..friends?"

"Uhm..since you haven't made up your mind yet, I wasn't sure if you were gonna tell me something or not. I'm just saying: if things don't work out, I still want to keep you as a close friend. You mean a lot to me," he explains, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

I stop leaning on his car and stand in front of him. I wasn't sure why I did it, or what I was thinking, but I knew that I had something to say. I just stood in front of him and looked down at my tennis shoes. "I already know what I want, Suga. I just don't know how to tell you how I feel. I've never felt so at home with somebody. Not the way I do with you. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I do when I'm with you, which is the most embarrassing thing ever. And I..." my words trail off when his hand meets my jaw and lifts it for my eyes to meet his. "I think I'm in love with you, too, Koushi."

His lips part slightly when I whisper to him, churning a pit of butterflies in my gut. I'd never genuinely felt so weak under his grasp. I'm an independent and strong girl who never lets anybody take control of me— not until I'm under the grasp of Koushi Sugawara. He runs his hand up my waist and onto my back, pushing me further into him. To my surprise, he doesn't kiss me like all the other times. Instead, he wraps his strong arms around my back and holds me tightly against him, tucking his face into my neck.

"Y/n...I'd been dying for you to tell me that," he says as I ease into him, breathing in his scent. He smelt sweet, fresh, and masculine all at once. Every time I inhaled I melted in his hands simply because of how good he smelled.

I closed my eyes and embraced my love for Koushi through the hug, feeling his heartbeat call to mine through our chests. What I felt for him was something completely different than anything I've ever experienced. Knowing that all this time I was so in love with the guy and I hadn't noticed made me feel like an idiot.

But of course love him. I smile just thinking about holding his hand and seeing his lovely face. When his warmth fills my body, I feel at ease. If I catch myself fantasizing about his lips on my skin, my muscles stiffen and I scream inside. And when he kisses me, every hormone—every nerve— every vein— everything goes wild. I wouldn't even be able to imagine the impure things I want with him without short-circuiting. In every bitter situation, I stumble upon, there he is to catch me, to tell me that I'll be okay. How could I not get myself into this mess?

I didn't care about the consequences. I wanted to fall into deep, beautiful, painful love with Koushi Sugawara.

"Y/n." My eyes shutter open at his call for me before I pull away slightly to look at him. "Is it okay if I stay over for a little bit? I wanna spend some alone time with you before leaving."

I nod my head, smiling. "Of course, come on, let's head inside."

-

Sugawara swept off his jacket and folded it in half, placing it onto my nightstand. "Hey, do you still have the hood I gave you the day of the party?" He asks me while I'm rummaging through my drawers to find something comfortable to sleep in.

"Ah, I do! I completely forgot about it until you mentioned it; sorry I kept it for so long," I say, pulling out his black jacket from the bottom drawer where I kept things people had lend to me. I hand it to him, bowing slightly."Thank you for letting me use it."

He puts his hands in front of me, backing up a step. "No, no. That's alright. I was just wondering if you had kept it. But you can, if you'd like."

"Oh, I don't know. I think I'd feel too bad!" I whine, setting it down on my desk. The sweater sure was comfortable and soft, smelled like him too. But it was his, not mine.

He chuckles, saying, "that's okay, Y/n. They're free from the team anyway. And besides, it's nice knowing you have it with you." After that, he turns to peek his head around a few of the corners in my room, his eyes searching for something.

I set down the jacket and take out a pair of soft sleep shorts and a large blue t-shirt. "What are you looking for, " I ask him, pulling off my black sweater.

"Your cat, I just found her, " he says, reaching under my bed for Astra. At first, meowed in protest of being picked up, but soon settles into Suga's lap when he begins petting her. "Are you gonna change clothes? Don't worry, I won't look." He laughs and turns to the wall and continues stroking Astra's back.  "When did you get her?"

"The cat? Around two years ago. She's tiny, isn't she?" I trade my pants for the shorts. After changing into my sleepwear, I climb onto the bed and lean over the ledge of it, looking down at Koushi and my cat. She purred and burrowed into his hips, turning and twisting. "I think she has a little crush on you, Suga."

He laughs at my joke, places Astra back into her comfy spot under the bed, and stands up. The two of us look at each other for a second, waiting for one of us to do something. Koushi takes initiative, sitting down next to me on my bed and laying back. "So.."

"Hm?" I fall back next to him, reaching for his soft hair. My fingers twirl around his silver locks, pleased by how gentle and thin they were. Then, I switch from my back onto my stomach, leaning onto my elbows for support, and observed Koushi's resting body. He looked so peaceful when looking at me. It was almost as if staring into his eyes could make time freeze.

He turned onto his side, staring right back at me. "C'mere," he whispers, pulling me towards his chest. It was so sudden that I couldn't have even said no—not that I wanted to. Koushi pulled a few pillows under our heads and blankets over our bodies, making us warm and comfortable. "Are you tired?"

"Yes, it seems late nights are our thing now," I recall the many times I'd stayed up so late just to hang out with Koushi and the long days that came before them. Nonetheless, it was all worth it in the end."Did you wanna talk?"

He sighs, stroking my head. "Only if you wanted to. For now, I like this."

I stay quiet, wondering what we were now.

'Two people who love each other, but are too scared to say something. That seems sad, right? Or maybe it would be best if we both wait for just a little to become a couple. What does being a couple mean exactly? Would I have to hold his hand when I see him or kiss him every time we meet in the halls? Sugawara is a man with desires and needs. Eventually, he's gonna try and go further than I've ever gone before and I'll turn my thoughts into physicality.'

It didn't seem all that bad. Sharing my love and trust with Koushi makes me feel like I'm safe. The only risk I'll be taking is feeling disturbing, dreadful pain when I leave for America. But did it matter if I loved him so much?

"Koushi," I mutter under my breath. He hums in response, waiting for me to continue my sentence. "What if things don't go the way we want to? I'm scared that by the end of our third year, we'll be separated from each other."

He tightens his arms around my back, putting our chests together. What I asked must have bothered him in some way. "We'll be okay, Y/n. It's all worth it if we get to be with each other for a little bit, right? I know you have some big plans for your future. I don't want you to give that up. So I promise we would be able to figure out something before you leave, okay?" He pulls my face away from him for a second to kiss my nose.

I close my eyes humming in comfort of his words. He was right; As long as I'm able to make the best out of my last year in high school, then I'll be as happy as ever.

"Yeah, okay. And if it's okay with you, can you stay the night? I just like being next to you," I say, growing shy. A cup his cheeks in my palms, not taking notice of how I stared at his lips. It wasn't a secret that I wanted him to kiss me.

As expected, he nods, putting his forehead against mine. His hazel eyes are far too close for me to gaze at, so I look at his features further. His man nose, his perfect skin, his special little beauty mark. My thumb glides against it as my knee meets with his, making us intertwine legs. 'I'm as close to Koushi than I've ever been at this point—I can feel his pulse,' I think, gulping loudly when he brushes his nose against mine.

Finally, he closes the gap between our lips, softly kissing my lips. I close my eyes soon after and pull him further towards me with my arms around his neck. I was dumbfounded at how much of an idiot I was for not realizing that this entire time the feeling Koushi would give me was more than just investment in a good friendship, but in a relationship as well. The more time I spent with him the more I got to realize those feelings. And when he had confessed so romantically, that's when everything had hit me. I was in love with Koushi since the moment he tapped my shoulder in math class to tell me his name and age. If only I could have been with him sooner, then we'd have more time to cherish with one another.

I pull away from him for if only a second, blushing ferociously at our intimate moment. "Y/n, I love you." He whispers to me, kissing my lips one last time before pulling my head into his shoulder. And with that, the two of us dose off in each other's hold, thrilled by the idea that we were in love.

-

my vote :) ty for reading and have a nice night/day. I love you always <3

- estrxlar