#i was HOPING to be very diverse in body types etc but only managed to do so in hair and skin

[bluebellhairpin]

The Nine Muses; Daughters of Mnemosyne.

look at THEM. my babies. my girls. my legacy. ((left to right) top row; Clio, Calliope, Melpomene, Urania. middle row; Euterpe, Erato, Polyhymnia. bottom row; Terpsichore, Thalia)

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

[smokeonshadows]

Thank you for those posts about Gil!! You’ve voiced a lot of my similar feelings. It’s gotten kind of annoying how majority of the content relating to the show is overexamining how Ace’s coat matching her pencil case means they’re in love with each other. I don’t want to sound like an anti because I don’t hate the ship. I just hate how a lot of fans seem to be unable to enjoy the show, analyze and critique it without making it about the ship. The show is such much more than that!

As a south Asian fan, I’m happy to see the Bobbseys and I’m excited to how they continue to grow and develop. I enjoy theorize about upcoming mysteries and analyzing the characters and their relationships (platonic and romantic). I really enjoy seeing the Bobbseys and it makes me happy to be represented. You’re allowed to dislike them but, when it seems like you’re hating on them because they’re getting in the way of your ship? It’s so annoying... and disheartening to see. None of these characters are perfect, this includes Nancy and Ace and that’s what makes them interesting and enjoyable. The bobbseys are included in that. I do also really enjoy seeing Amanda and Ace together and I hope they continue to have a great relationship. I really don’t want to see them be thrown away or used just for love interests or to further Nace’s relationship. Thanks for voicing that because we’re definitely in the minority but I wish we weren’t

Yeah, exactly! It’s great that people are so excited about their ship, but it does get frustrating to go into the tag and see that it’s 90% this one specific part of the show. Sometimes it feels like no one wants to talk about anything else and that kind of sucks because this show (and particularly compared to others of the same genre) is doing a lot of really interesting things wrt its characters, the storylines, diversity, how it handles adaptation, etc.

So I try to do my part and post the type of content I want to see in the tag.

And since you mention representation, this is something that I’ve been feeling lately but have been hesitant to voice because I don’t want to be misinterpreted–

I think it’s kind of...weird that for a show that’s not only highly diverse (both in front of and behind the camera), but actually does diversity really well (though not perfectly), the most vocal part of the fandom is so strongly focused on a straight white ship.

To be clear, I’m not calling anyone racist for who their favorite characters or ships are, that’s definitely not what I’m trying to say or imply. People can and should ship whatever they want without being judged for it. I just think that given the context, this is something that should raise concern and it’s worth it to take a step back and examine what subconscious biases might be at play here.

To tie this back specifically to Gil, something that really rubbed me the wrong way was seeing a lot of concern in some parts of the fandom about his ‘anger management issues’ (and specifically how it makes him unsuitable for Nancy, especially compared to soft and sensitive Ace) and it’s hard to ignore how coded that is– 1) Gil is a dark skinned south asian man and it’s a stereotype that they’re angry, aggressive and sexist/violent towards women, and 2) he’s actually not shown to be unusually aggressive.

I’ve rewatched all of his scenes and yes, he’s very firm about his intention to use the shroud and he even has an outburst where he knocks a lamp over when he finds that the body’s been moved, but given the circumstances, it’s pretty understandable (to him, his one shot at getting answers and closure about his mother’s murder just evaporated. I’d want to break things too if I were him). It’s not like he has a hair trigger temper and is unhinged and explosive all the time for no reason. And (props to the actor) if you pay attention to his body language and his facial expression, it’s clear that if anything, when he gets really emotional, he seems like he’s trying really hard to contain it rather than indulge in it.

[skincarebeautymakeuptips]

How Indie Beauty Brands Practice Inclusivity

In this edition of Beauty Independent’s ongoing series posing questions to beauty entrepreneurs, we ask 17 brand founders and executives: What is your brand’s approach to inclusivity?

KETHLYN WHITE | COO, Coil Beauty

Our brand was created to give a face to beauty that has not always been considered beautiful. When we create graphics for our marketing, we strive to look for the nontraditional beauties because we know how important representation is to everyone, even on a subconscious level.  

One of my favorite things as an adult is to be able to watch a show like "Insecure" or "Black-ish," and say, “Oh, there’s my hairstyle for next week.” As a kid, I was trying to use the Topsy Tail and, if you remember what that is, then you, my friend, are aging gracefully. So, for me, my brand aims to be inclusive of the people who weren’t always included, and I think our website and social media pages do a good job of that. Of course, we are always trying to do more. For us, this is a marathon not a sprint.

ADA JURISTOVSKI | Co-Founder, Nala

We strive to be inclusive of forms of sexual identification, body types, cultures and race. To us, it means being mindful of representation in our brand, but also being open-minded to continually learning about how we can widen that representation. It can be something as detail-oriented as updating our copy from “women” to “womxn,” or deliberate decisions we make such as intentionally having our packaging represent body forms that are fluid, androgynous and ambiguous with the hope that anyone can identify with it and see a part of themselves within the art.

KAILEY BRADT | Founder and CEO, OWA Haircare

Inclusivity has to mean something personally to a founder and, therefore, a brand. I've always been mindful of inclusivity because I've always felt a bit on the outside. It's important to think of inclusivity with a holistic perspective. It's not just about appearance. Inclusivity goes beyond age, gender, ethnicity. I always felt judged without saying a word. As I got older, especially when I first got to college, I felt even more out of place because I was studying engineering and my appearance didn't say "engineer."

My approach to inclusivity is to look beyond the physical attributes of a person and take into consideration their experience, education, career, etc. My approach with our brand is to give real people a genuine voice. I really enjoy working with up-and-coming professionals and giving people opportunities they might not have been given otherwise. I know others who have done this for me in my career, and I wouldn't be where I am today if people didn't believe in me and present me those opportunities that challenged the norm.

RANAY ORTON | Owner, Glow by Daye

My approach of being mindful of inclusivity in my brand is to try and create multiple physical avatars of my customers. Many books and experts say to have one exact avatar, an icon or figure that represents your key demographic. Well, the reality is that, yes, you can have a go-to person in mind for key decision-making on your brand and it's positioning, but all your customers do not look alike.

People want to see some physical resemblance of themselves when they see your website, marketing and social media. As a company, we have to be conscious of that as we serve many different people with different ethnicities, hair types/textures and/or complexions, but all have the same goal of achieving healthy, thriving hair.

PAAYAL MAHAJAN | Founder, Essential Body

Inclusivity is not just a term for me. I am a brown woman who has faced a lot of discrimination while living and working in the U.S. I have faced assumptions around my background with no thought or interest in where I come from or what my heritage is. I have dealt with the blows of white privilege in the workplace and personally. I was also judged for my size for a majority of my life. I am someone who has fought and continues to fight for the rights of the marginalized and oppressed.

I am not interested in tokenism. I smell it from a mile away. You can’t fake your way into being inclusive. My authenticity and my voice are the most powerful ways for me to communicate that my brand is me, and it espouses my values and my perspective on the world. It never was, and is certainly not enough now, to do a rainbow of ethnicities in your imagery. I see brands appropriating cultures, not giving thought to messaging and imagery. None of that is for me. You can’t be mindful of inclusivity unless you fundamentally shift your mindset. This is not something businesses can phone in.

ADA POLLACEO, Alchimie Forever

We strive to be inclusive in everything we do. From the people we use in our marketing materials (fun fact: They’re all family members, team members or friends.) to the way we train our brand ambassadors, we focus on skincare concerns rather than gender, skin color or other identifiers. We don’t say, “Hey, we’re inclusive." Rather, we strive to behave in a way that makes everyone feel welcome and comfortable, and that our products were made for them.

KATONYA BREAUX | Founder, Unsun Cosmetics

As a black founder and consumer, I have firsthand knowledge of what it feels like to not be considered by companies providing skincare and makeup products. I wanted to make sure that not only women that looked like me, but women in general had the benefit and knowledge that there is a product that is made with them in mind, and not only as an afterthought. In this very inclusive environment, the companies that aren't getting on the bandwagon are the ones that are standing out.

NISHA DEARBORN | Founder and CEO, Fresh Chemistry

I teach my kids that the only difference between skin of different colors is the amount of melanin in it. As a daughter of a dermatologist, I can attest to this very simple, yet still profound truth. So, when it comes to my brand, I choose models or repost user-generated content that represents who the freshly activated serums are best suited for: all skin types and colors.

JULIE PEFFERMAN | Founder, The Lab and Co.

We have always thought about inclusivity from the customers perspective and our employee perspective. In the near future, inclusivity won't be a buzzword. Instead, it will be something every brand must do. It will be the authenticity that inclusivity is delivered that will distinguish us from the rest.  

On the employee internal side, since we are a lab, it makes sense that our one-word company philosophy is "mix," which guides us as we grow. Mix in kindness in everything you do. Mix with other kinds of people/thinkers to expand your mind and life. When something isn't working, mix it up with a new approach. There is always a way. Work hard, take pride in what you bring to the mix. Take the risk, failure is valued, speak up and mix in your ideas, and see what bubbles to the top.

On the customer side, we try to rethink target customers and find meaningful ways to include others. Our brand, Cleantan, was the first self-tanning brand to showcase full-figured models of various skin colors. We encourage people to be as tan as they want to be with our color controlling concentrate. Our brand Equal By Nature was birthed out of inclusivity, encouraging everyone to celebrate their differences. We aim to create luxurious hero products that fit into anyone's routine at a reasonable price. We call it inclusive luxury.

AMBER FAWSON | Co-Founder, Saalt

Inclusivity is a central and all-important topic in the world of period care. It is actually one of the reasons we love period care. There is something about period talk that brings people together regardless of background or belief. We all share struggles with period management. We all agree that no one should feel confused and alone about their period and their body. We all agree that we want students around the world to have period care that allows them to attend school when they are on their period.

At Saalt, we believe in being period positive and, by focusing on period positive topics, we can do some incredible things with the help of our audience. Our audience helps us break stigmas and also connects us with impact organizations who are doing incredible work around the world. Every part of our brand is about being welcoming and adding people to our tribe regardless of any variety of personal backgrounds or beliefs.

MELISSA REINKING | Chief Marketing Officer, BioClarity

We always try to stay grounded in knowing that the consumers who discover us all have different starting points and skin goals in mind. Step one to being inclusive is being individualized. If we can help people get to where they want to be by understanding their individual needs, desires and starting points, and if we can customize their experience around these attributes, not some idealized version of what we think a consumer might need, this helps us remain not only inclusive, but also very mindful of the evolving needs of those who become part of our brand.

BRANDON GARCIA | Co-Founder, Mira

My co-founder Jay Hack and I wanted to ensure that anyone, no matter who they are, what they look like or what their interests are is able to find what works best for them. The incredible diversity of beauty consumers has driven not only the increased fragmentation of beauty products and trends in the industry, but also the heightened demands for personalization.

Diversity and inclusivity are not only baked into our very core, but they are also the primary factors driving the need for a platform like this. We've worked hard to build an expansive data catalog of over 60,000 products and millions of reviews and videos that can be leveraged to help consumers from all walks of life find what works for them.

In the long term, we hope that it becomes a platform for beauty brands, content creators, and consumers to engage in authentic, meaningful conversation. By doing so, we seek to help advance the industry in co-developing products that best speak to the amazingly diverse individuals that comprise the beauty community.

RENAE MOOMJIAN | Founder and CEO, NipLips

We are vocal in all touch points with our community that everyone is welcome. Whether it is a photoshoot, new brand ambassador or activity, we are continually looking for ways to bring diversity in race, ethnic background, religion, sexual preference, sexual indentification, age, size (large to small and everything in between) into our brand.

Our company tag line is “Beautiful, Authentic You!” and our goal is to help people look within to define not only their unique beauty, but who they really are at their core. So, for example, by using our app, doing a color scan of your nipples, and matching to one of our vegan, organic, lip colors, you are using your body to define what looks good on you rather than social media or celebrities. True beauty and inclusivity starts with embracing your uniqueness and, then, sharing it with the world. We work very hard to promote that message.

FEISAL QURESHI | Founder, Raincry

My personal view is that beauty is not real, it doesn't exist. It's all perspective. That perspective evolves, changes and means different things to different people at different times in our lives. Just look at the 80s. We looked ridiculous, but were full of confidence.

So, beauty is not about the things we buy or how we look, but rather how that thing makes us feel when we wear it, use it or experience it. Therefore, beauty is about emotions and, as a beauty brand, you become a custodian of those emotions to help better people's lives.

KRISTEN BOWEN | Founder & CEO, Living The Good Life Naturally

My entire life I have been on a diet or searching for the perfect diet. I just wanted to be skinny and equated that with being healthy. I will never forget the day that I was sitting in my wheelchair feeling pretty sorry for myself and wondering if I would ever feel good again. A friend walked up and asked me how I was doing. Instead of the usual, “Oh, I am fine,” I answered her honestly. “I am so tired of being sick and having seizures and stressing my family out.”

She looked at me and said something that would shatter and change the course of what I was searching for when it came to my health. She patted my leg after I told her how tired I was and replied, “But Kristen, at least you are skinny.” I had achieved my lifelong dream of being skinny, but it was not what I wanted. I wanted vibrant energy.

Now, when clients start to work with me, I ask them to write out what healthy looks like to them. That way they have a specific goal in mind of what they are wanting to create. Because of that one exchange, we make sure to include all body types in our marketing. Being healthy is so much more than being skinny.

JEAN BAIK | Founder and Creative Chief Officer, Miss A

One of our biggest missions as a business is to #justhavefun with makeup and beauty. So, we always offer as many shades as possible and offer products that would work for a young teen all the way into late adulthood.

JASMIN EL KORDI | CEO, Bluelene

Cellular health is gender, age and ethnicity neutral, and our brand reflects that philosophy. We ensure that our packaging and messaging appeal to a wide human audience, and that we incorporate that variety into the imagery we use.

Source: Beauty Independent  

[supermoviemaniac]

DEFENDING...

THOR: RAGNAROK!

Okay, so yesterday I asked you guys which is your least favourite MCU movie and why. I said I'd take the most commonly disliked film and try and defend it, using my personal reasonings as well as attempting to counter what issues you had with it yourselves.

Firstly, I'm quite surprised that Ragnarok was the most hated! I was expecting Age of Ultron or Iron-Man 3 (though they weren't too far behind). To make it clear, it's okay to dislike this movie, my attempt at defending the movie is just a bit of fun, but if it lets you see and appreciate the movie in a different light then that's cool! If it doesn't then that's cool too! Here goes...

I'll start with why I personally love Ragnarok, and how it was actually my favourite MCU movie, until Infinity War inevitably took that spot.

Thor was the first character in the franchise to introduce outerspace, and the cosmic side of the cinematic universe. With Iron-Man, Hulk and Cap being restricted to Earth, Thor was key to broadening what types of stories they could tell, what sort of threats and stakes could arise etc. The first Thor movie was certainly a bold move at the time, hoping that audiences would embrace the fantastical themes that he and Asgard brought to the table. Bar Thanos, Thor and Loki are the reason sh*t's going down in the first Avengers movie, so you have them to thank for that.

Flash forward to Dark World however, at this point we've seen Asgard already, so the novelty has worn off slightly. As much as the movie expands our view of Thor's home, we still feel very restricted, as though we're only seeing through a keyhole, when we actually wanna bust the door down and see what an outerspace adventure could really offer, hence why people gravitate towards Guardians of the Galaxy so heavily, because it let loose and didn't feel like it was shying away from the sci-fi elements that made the property what it was.

So with Dark World leaving a bad taste in our mouths (even though I think it's underratedly funny, but perhaps another time), and Thor not quite standing out in Age of Ultron, we're left thinking, do we really even want another Thor movie at this point? Something had to change. The studios' take on Thor was good in ways, but wasn't gripping people as much as say Iron-Man and Cap. If Captain America could have an amazing sequel, why couldn't Thor? With the damage already done via Dark World however, Ragnarok had to be Marvel's shot at redemption and reinvigoration, and I personally think it was.

There's no arguing Ragnarok was a bold step to take Thor, though not everyone agrees it was for the better. Could the Thor we were used to still work given the correct writing and direction? Who knows, but with already 'failing' once with Dark World, it was surely less of a risk to go for something completely unexpected. We go from majestic golds and elegant architecture, to crazy, vibrant, jagged imperfections that you'd expect to see in a retro sci-fi movie. The Thor we knew and expected has lightened up a little, during his few years between Age of Ultron and now, scouring the universe for information on the Infinity Stones. No pun intended, but perhaps his absent couple of years provided some much needed soul searching. So to those that wonder why Thor is suddenly so funny and witty, he's been out and about off-screen for quite a while loosening up! That's how I like to see it at least.

In the first 10 minutes, we're given more cosmic calamity than any of the other Thor movie has provided in their joint runtimes. He's in the fiery realm of Muspelheim, kicking the crap out of hellish minions and their giant demonic flame lord, Surtur, whilst the Immigrant Song plays. Then moments later, there's a damn dragon beast that's on fire that chases him, as the coolest little synth melody twinkles in the background. That cool little action scene not only gave Mjölnir the ultimate send off, but I remember thinking just from that point, "This is what Thor movies are meant to be like! This is already my favourite MCU movie!"

I think the comedy is people's biggest issue with the film. Admittedly, the style of humour was a little jarring at first, but I soon let go of doubts and embraced what the movie was trying to do. Notice how I said 'style' of humour, and not just 'humour' as a whole, because a lot of people forget just how comedic the first two Thor movies actually are. I feel like humour allows a sort of alleviation to what could potentially be something rather odd on screen. That way, if the movie embraces it's outlandish source materials, the comedy allows us to laugh with it, rather than at it. I think people are okay with the inclusion of comedic elements - I think they just weren't expecting the amplification that it had. So as I said, you can either let that ruin the film, or you can embrace/accept it, because there is just as much heart in this film as there is humour.

I know there's people that think Hela was wasted. Having watched these movies countless times, I rarely see any issues with villains anymore. The fabled 'villain problem' springs to mind, where everyone says that they were just there as a device to make the hero save the day. But what's actually wrong with that technically speaking? And how is that any different to other movies outside of the superhero realm? I see most of these villains as stepping stones for the heroes. These movies belong to the heroes, so the way I see it, the villains are there to develop and shape the good guy into whatever the finished product may be by the time the credits roll, just like all the other characters do in the movie. To prove this point, everyone loves Thanos as a villain, but that's because Infinity War was his movie, given the amount of time spent with him. I think the only exception is Loki, but his character is so well-received because he sits within the grey area of good and bad. We've seen both sides of him now.

Yes, I understand that villains are a little lack luster in most of these movies, but I liked what Hela brought to the franchise. We get the shock of discovering Thor has an older sister, she manages to take over Asgard, she demolishes everything in sight, she was the reason Thor is reinvigorated via his new right eye and weapon, she forced Thor's hand, making him enact Ragnarok (even though there's no stopping Ragnarok but it was a cool twist) and destroy Asgard, she was the first main female villain at long last, and she had a giant wolf. Some films spend more time with the villain, and some sacrifice it to focus more on the hero. There's never a straight 50:50 between good and evil in their storytelling, and I imagine it's always a hard call to make when balancing and ensuring that not only do the audience care for the hero, but also everything and everyone around them. Regardless the solo hero is always the focal point. Unless you're watching Breaking Bad or American Psycho or... *Lists shows and movies told from the bad guy's perspective*

I think the underlining disapproval stems from the fresh direction that it took. His hammer goes bye-byes, his warrior friends die just like that, Thor no longer looks or acts like the Thor we're used to, and Jane moved on. People will either be okay with those things, or it'll be too much to accept. Was the film too bold? Perhaps, but Thor can conduct lightning through his body now and that fight scene on the Bifrost bridge was badass.

Jokes aside, I suppose it's up to the individual audience member to decide whether or not the change is too much. A part of me wishes that the Thor we currently have was the Thor from the get go - things would've been different, but I love the character no matter what weapon or haircut you give him. Ragnarok gave the God of Thunder the opportunity to prove why he's a badass and not just a guy that relies on a hammer. They turned the dial up on his power level, and then again in Infinity War, which is good because I feel like prior to Ragnarok, Thor was kinda just there, y'know?

Everyone has their own favourite and least favourite movie, and no one should force you to alter your personal interests and disinterests, but if I were to wrap up what I thought of the film, Thor: Ragnarok to me is a fun, crazy joyride from start to finish, that provided a lot of heart as well as light-heartedness. It introduced some new, diverse characters whilst also giving the Hulk a much-needed story arc. A bold game-changer for the character and the lore he contributes to the MCU. It's the type of change I can appreciate and most definitely get behind!

What do you guys think? Have I swayed your opinions, or do you hate the movie more now! Let me know. Thanks for reading! Shall I do more of these? Let me know that too. I'm off to buy snacks and watch Ragnarok now, no joke!

[serenitysage89]

Twilight Fan Fiction

I realize that this may be a few years too late but they say that “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” - Maya Angelou

So here is a completely re-imagined version of the Twilight by me... Hope you enjoy.

CHAPTER 1

My name is Serenity, I am 15 years old and I live in Vancouver, Canada. A city with a population of over 675 thousand people. It is described as a bustling west coast seaport located in “Beautiful British Columbia” - it is also among Canada’s densest, most ethnically diverse cities with one of the largest Asian populations outside of Asia… If you have ever been there, you know what I mean. I myself am biracial. My dad is German, a tall man with an athletic build, completed by the stereotypical blonde hair and blue eyes. My mother is Filipino, a very short and petite lady with beautiful dark brown skin, brown eyes and thick, jet black, pin straight hair. They are in their early forties, but both look much younger, especially my mom. We would often be mistaken for sisters when we were out together.

It’s the end of June and I am so happy my first year of high school is over. Grade 10 may have been the worst school year yet for me. You see, for as long as I can remember, I was always the shy, quiet type. I had a really hard time making friends, so I was pretty much labelled an outcast at school and ended up spending most of my time alone. My twin brother, Liam, however… well, he was the complete opposite of me; outgoing and popular. Like my dad, he was tall (5’10 and still growing) with an athletic build, sun kissed bronze skin, blue eyes and dark hair - I was just his shadow. The only time people would even bother talking to me, was to ask me about him – girls would ask me if he was single, teachers would ask me where he was, if he missed a day at school, his friends would ask me if he was busy that weekend, etc.

Even though we grew up the exact same way, we turned out so differently. Liam still plays sports; right now, he plays hockey, and everyone is sure that he is destined to play for the NHL someday. He is also part of our high schools’ football team and just an all-around great athlete, who excels in whatever he puts his mind to. I used to play volleyball and basketball (despite my short stature), but I no longer play for any leagues or school teams because I just don’t fit in with the rest of the girls. My brother and I did gymnastics growing up, as well as various forms of dance. We also took piano, guitar and voice lessons from a very young age, because our parents believed that doing sports would help get some of that extra energy out and playing instruments and singing would help us with our confidence growing up. Both of us now have our Piano level 8 and have mastered the guitar (as much as we really need to, for what we use it for). Our parents paid attention to both of us equally, they are both very encouraging and cheer us on in everything we do, they are literally our biggest fans; but somehow, as Liam and I got older, my brother became more confident and I just didn’t (for whatever reason). He enjoyed the thrill of performing for big crowds and relished the attention he received. I always got nervous when I had to perform, almost to the point of throwing up. It seemed as though my parents plan to instill confidence in us through these types of activities failed… well, at least for me.

Despite all this though, my brother and I have always been super close, he is always there for me when I need someone to talk or vent to – he is my best friend… and right now, my only friend for that matter. Because of this, my parents are constantly worried about me; they want nothing more than for me to make some friends of my own. Liam obviously has lots of friends and a busy social life, so he isn’t always around to keep me company. Personally, I don’t know what all the fuss is about – having all this time to myself is glorious. I am able to teach myself new skills and languages, while still having time to enhance my existing skills of playing instruments and singing. Writing and singing songs has become a way for me to express myself, but I only do these things behind closed doors, as I am way too embarrassed to perform in front of anyone, including my own family. (Liam on the other hand has his own YouTube channel doing cover songs and the odd original song I write for him. I usually just do back-up vocals and music in the background, outside of the camera’s view). In my spare time, I have also managed to do a lot of extra schoolwork and am essentially already done most of my high school courses; I am pretty much ready to just skip the rest of high school and follow my dream of applying to some prestigious med school somewhere in Europe… I have wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember and since it takes such a long time, why not get a head start!? Besides, I was sure that I would make plenty of friends once I start saving people lives. Now I just had to spend part of my summer coming up with a plan to convince my parents to let me move to Europe… by myself, in order to pursue my goal of becoming a doctor… How hard could that be?!

One night we were eating supper, you could tell something was up because my parents could hardly contain their excitement… Liam and I looked at each other, shrugged and continued eating. Sure enough, after we had all finished, my mom told us that she and my dad had an announcement to make. We all sat at the dinner table while mom and dad argued about who was going to share the news – finally my mom agreed to be the one to tell us. “We are moving!” she yelled excitedly. Liam and I couldn’t believe our ears – we had lived in the same house all our lives – where were we moving? And why suddenly did my parents want to move? “We are moving to Forks, Washington” my dad chimed in, “I got a great job offer as the new chief of Police recently and your mom and I decided to jump at the opportunity. I think a fresh start in a nice, small town will be good for all of us.”

Well… I thought, I never liked Vancouver anyway and this may be the perfect opportunity for me to talk my parents into letting me move to Europe in order to pursue my dream. However, Liam was visibly upset; he had a great life here and “a lot more to lose” than anyone else in the family, so to speak. He got up and stormed off to his room. I quickly got up and followed him to make sure he was OK. I knocked on his door and he told me to come in. I sat on the edge of his bed and asked if he was alright. He looked at me and said that he was fine, but I knew he wasn’t. He was fighting back tears and seeing him this way broke my heart; when he hurt, I hurt too. I gave him a hug and told him not to worry, that no matter what happened, he was going to be fine because “you’re just so awesome”. We let go of each other and he cracked a slight smile at me. “What would I do without you” he said.

“Damnit”, I thought. Why did he have to say that? How am I supposed to move to Europe to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor, when for the first time in his life, my brother needs me? We talked for a while longer and decided that we would both make the best of this situation. My brother told me that this would be a great chance for me to “reinvent” myself – He said “no one in Forks knows us, so you could potentially become whoever you want to be” … I guess in a way he was right, but I wasn’t sure that it was going to be as easy as he thought it would be. Being introverted is not exactly a choice and trying to act extroverted was a difficult task for someone it didn’t come naturally to; but we promised each other that we would do our best and I wasn’t about to let him down on this promise.

We spent most of July packing all our belongings into a shipping container. My brother took some time out of his busy social life to take me shopping for a new wardrobe that would reflect the person I wanted to portray when we moved to Forks. He believed that if I dressed better, I would come off as more approachable and therefore had a better chance of making some friends. His theory definitely made sense but I wasn’t as thrilled about this experience as the rest of the family. I liked my dark coloured, baggy clothes and military style hats that hid my hair, but I went along with it, because it seemed to make him happy and take his mind off other things. Before I knew it, I had a closet full of trendier, more form fitting clothes like jeans and body-hugging shirts. My family thought it would be a good idea for me to donate all my old clothes to charity – I was hesitant about this at first, as these clothes were like my shield, but eventually I agreed to donate them. (I did, however, keep some of my favourite pieces I just couldn’t part with… without anyone knowing)..

.

.

Chapter 2 to follow...

Serenity and Liam arrive at their new home in Forks and Serenity makes her first friend... stay tuned for the deetz

[snoopyrps]

hello lucky !! we hope you’re having a fantastic day, and that this ask finds you well !! us at touringhq were wondering if you could give us your opinion of us ?? we’re about the story of twelve recent college-aged friends who are faced with a choice they never expected; do they jump onto the opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream and tour with warped tour as their old high school punk band, or do they turn towards a life of monotony and job security, and leave music behind ?? thank you !!

of course !! i,, love doing opinions tbh. under the cut !!

url: ok, so my first thought related to how simple it is. i like that it gets to the point, namely because there have been some rps in the tags that i’ve gotten one impression of when it wound up being completely different ( i thought a small town rp was a boarding school rp for a very long time ). i think that’s generally going to be the first thing people look at. i don’t know how everyone else feels about really general urls, but i know what this is about off the bat and y’all also already have all of your pages linked using it SO.

graphics: i never talk much about graphics, namely because i can barely figure psds out, but i like the color scheme ! that’s gone over some more in the theme subsection of ‘accessibility’.

theme: i’m not one to really judge on themes –– as you can see, mine is very simple and i haven’t changed my header color to make it… more visible… in six months. that being said, i can still confidently say that i do like your theme and the color scheme. i really like the font ? i don’t know why but ? my compliments to the creator. accessibility – navigation: the links at the bottom are super easy to find – love that. the arrows ( or ‘next/back’ ) aren’t where i was expecting them to be, so i had to do a little bit of scouring, but overall: easy to find. navigation page itself is SO EASY. the pretty navigation pages of this day and age are nice, do not get me wrong, but the navigation page itself is so easy to navigate. accessibility – misc. comments: i don’t have any visual impairments, so i can’t speak on that matter, but i do feel like i could add on that i get overwhelmed by various themes VERY easily ( e.g. a friend of mine rec’d an rp to me and wound up having to link me to its mobile page ). the cool colors ( combined with the pastel warmer ones ) –– my compliments to the chef.

plot: i’m over here geeking out tbh. i… have never had a band… rip… but, boy, if i don’t act like i do ! ok, anyway ! i think that, overall, the plot is clear. it’s very easy to grasp and the tl;dr at the bottom really does sum everything up. the only tip i would give is mentioning when they went to high-school/the grade(s) they were in, that way people have an age range, and possibly mentioning the band name too ? 

rules: i think you about covered it all. the only tips i would have would be translating ‘72 hours’ to ‘three days’ for dumbasses like myself whose highest grade on a pre-cal test was a 34 ( then went to summer school and finally got those credits, but only passing with the bare minimum ). 

skeletons: i think you have a really good balance of characters in there. i really like the diversity you guys already have with your own characters, as well as the diversity you’re demanding for the singer, the drummer, the manager, and the groupie. i also like how you’ve kept the descriptions simple ! i would still recommend putting a hard age range on –– at least for the band members, as 20+ could be anywhere from 20 to 54 to 85 to me continuously using hyperbolic examples to get my point across. pinterest & playlists: awesome add-ons ! the one question i would have for the playlists –– and i totally get that you can’t really… answer it… in that link… but: are they based on the type of music the character listens to? or are they meant to sum up the character?misc. comments: “evans… and not remo.” - me, looking at the drummer’s pinterest, offended that my favorite brand has been tossed aside for its rival in the snare picture without the vic firth drumsticks. “no semi-hollow body guitars… i see…” - me, the biggest stan of semi-hollow body guitars, looking at the guitarist’s pinterest and pretending semi-hollow bodies are actually often used in punk. 

* glanced over characters and taken fcs, but figured there was nothing to give an opinion on.

banned faceclaims: this is just a quick one… but i… honestly… appreciate y’all banning bts. i feel like everyone needs to stop brushing off their problematic behavior ( especially some of the individuals’ like kim namjoon’s ), but that’s a topic for another time. i also like that you allow people to ask. i’m completely fine when a roleplay doesn’t, of course –– i understand the logic, but it’s nice to give people some answers.

application: the big one ! it looks like a basic semi-appless application, so that’s all good with me ! i feel like ‘the basics’ section is a little open-ended, but that can definitely be a good thing for a lot of people and can tell you how one person thinks versus another. i also know it’ll be harder for others who are used to more “give us 2/¾+ paragraphs about ____” or “list 2/¾+ headcanons for _____” or “list 2/¾+ possible connections for _____” etc. tl;dr: this subsection of my opinion was useless adfjl

faq: so you know i went through and read all of them ! ok, ignore my earlier age range comments – i would delete them, but i think i’ve made them a few times and i… don’t want to go back up and find them. anyway ! i still might think about putting the direct age range for band members on their skeletons, but that’s my only further suggestion ! that being said, i’d also recommend looking up the ages of suggested fcs, just because i saw some suggested early-30s fcs for characters in bands, but that’s it !

pinterest: do i love it ? yes sir’ee, i do ! i skimmed through ‘the before’ and ‘the tour’ and it really gave me a feel for that sort of ‘rag-tag team of kids actually tries to make it,’ which seems to be the foundation of this roleplay. playlist: i kind of have the same question as i did for the skeletons – is this what they sound like or what’s sort of supposed to sum all of them up ? going through it and looking at the bands/songs y’all chose, i’ve got a feeling it’s both which works very well, but i’m a curious sob.

misc. tips: i did notice one thing: for the most part, y’all use the same tags. there’s obviously nothing wrong with that – you want to reach your target audience – but i would suggest branching out into other areas that apply. i assume it’s going to be very writing-based – if i’m assuming correctly, i’d suggest ‘lsrp/lsrpg’ ( but only for Official Promos bc that tag is Fancy ) ; i’d definitely suggest ‘fame rp’ ; i’d also suggest the regular ‘rp’ and ‘rpg’ ; i’d limit the use of ‘rpc’ due to some members of the rpc not liking seeing promos that aren’t shoutouts/opinions in the tag ; i’d also limit the use of ‘small group rp’ – i’d still use it, just not as frequently as it seems you guys are due to it not being a super popular tag.

further questions: how will this run ? like, will it be a limited time deal, only running until the tour is up, or will you find ways to keep it running past ?

overall: i really like this ! i only had a few questions when i went through all of the pages, what as opposed to as many as i… do sometimes have and feel like it would be too critical to ask because no one asked for your opinion, lucky! i think it’s beautifully diverse. i love the amount of thought you guys clearly put into it. i had fun critiquing pinterest’s choice of drum heads (granted… i think the other picture is ambassador vintage remo…). i may even fool around and look at it further, this time from a potential applicant standpoint. 

9/10 !

[domitiann-blog]

Who am I?

I recently did an interview with my friend who works as a social media influencer for her newly launched website. Im reposting the content here & I hope the answers give some insight into who I am & perhaps the misunderstood world of sex work...

So tell me more about yourself. What do you do for living and how would you best describe your job? 

Hey! My name is Ethan and I am a male escort based in London working both within the UK and internationally.  Perhaps adult entertainer better describes what I do as I do/have done strip teases, live performances and adult party hosting (there are probably a few things I’m missing out)

On a functional level what I do can range from helping individuals to access intimacy all the way through to exposing people to a variety of sex or a quality of sexual experience they may not typically have. This might mean a quiet date, a holiday somewhere exotic, a tantric massage, a night of wet & wild fun with multiple orgasms…or all of the above!

More generally, I have a degree in Politics, Philosophy & Economics. I do gymnastics and triathlons for fun. I guess the typical view of an escort is of someone looking to make money in the short run to support an addiction of some kind but for me sex work has been the most fulfilling job I’ve had and I’ve had some pretty good jobs. I certainly wouldn't recommend it for everyone but for a very select group it can be a very positive lifestyle.

Tell me about the first time you received money? What motivated you & how did you feel after your first client? 

The first time I received money from someone it was actually the second time that I had been propositioned and based on stories I have exchanged with friends this is not uncommon! I was approached by a man who said that he was involved with a modelling agency and would like to put me on their books and so I gave him my contact details. It later turned out that he wanted to spend sometime simply looking my body and then to watch me masturbate for, what was to me then, a large amount of money. So as a young man with a high sex drive and exhibitionist tendencies there seemed like very little downside. Afterwards he cooked me dinner in his penthouse apartment and we played on his playstation. Although the nature of our sexual encounter was different in some ways,  it was actually quite similar to other sexual relationships i was having at that time.

 I encounter quite a lot of interest overall (i hope this doesn’t come across as big headed, its more a reality which has lead to what i do) and am very sexually active. At that time, i felt the financial incentive was more of a way of deciding how i was going to spend my time and plentiful sexual energy rather than for any ‘service’. I’ve always just been myself and that slowly became quite lucrative. At the start it was definitely not a conscious career choice like becoming an accountant or an actor or anything like that.

What’s your price list? 

This varies too much based on currencies, locations and time scale for me to give you an accurate picture. I will say that unlike many female escorts, prices are for time rather than a specific ‘act’ or ‘service’ and I always make full use of that time and sometimes run over having lost track. Escorts who formulate their prices in the first way i described are mostly working in a very different market though and are not in fact formulating their own prices. However this is a topic that i think we will touch on later in the interview.

Can you describe the people who pay for your time and services? What gender are they? Which services are they usually asking for? 

Wow, how much time do you have?! Haha. The spread is more diverse than you might be able to imagine and some of them you may actually know!  In fact one of the things i love about escorting is how diverse a spectrum of people I know and connect with. I am quite a people-oriented person and people will sometimes trust me with a side of themselves they don’t show anyone else. Over time, i have acquired a vault-like inventory of insights on how people think and feel in their most secret thoughts & when they are most vulnerable. When people meet me they will often remark that I have a different outlook on life and i believe this is partly responsible.

 I see females, males & couples. As an assertive 6 ft 4 male i tend to attract individuals of a more submissive disposition who access intimacy most readily through strong guidance & instruction both inside and outside the bedroom. This means that most frequently individuals will come to see me to experience domination, tantric massage or for me to be their ‘boyfriend-for-the-night’. 

What are you’re limits in your job? 

My sexuality aligns more strongly with what my role in the bedroom is than what the gender of my partner is. Submissive acts of any kind simply don’t turn me on and its important as a male that i am enjoying myself if you catch my drift haha 😛! 

 Drug use and unprotected sex are also major no’s for me and are unfortunately highly prevalent in the world of escorting. I did once spend a week with an individual who wanted unprotected sex but we both agreed to get a full sexual health screen before and after! I also get tested every 3 weeks.

Humanity and escorting/prostitution. What is your personal and honest opinion about the work you do? Were you ever judged harshly when you revealed that you are an escort..? If yes, how and why do you think people judge the job you have negatively? 

I touched on this briefly earlier but the first thing to say is that there are two clear & distinct fields within “escorting”. 

 First is what I would refer to as the “independent” escort. These range from the student looking to make some extra money to highly intelligent individuals who have found success leveraging their social & sexual skills into a fulfilling lifestyle. We advertise through independent advertising sites or agencies that take a pre-agreed percentage of what we make and make arrangements for us.

 The demand for ‘sexual services’ is deep rooted in society and using a currency to expedite that process is fairly well established in not just human civilisation but the animal kingdom. One study into our closest animal relatives, the chimpanzee, showed that when a currency was introduced into their social ecology the first thing they did was trade it for sex! So sex work in some manner was always there, it remains here and is here to stay; so should our response as a society be to condemn something that is an upshot of who we are as humans? No. In my opinion understanding and accepting the independent sex worker is the best way to prevent escorting becoming the dark, exploitative activity which people confuse with what i do. The best way for society to deal with it perceives to be its ills is to, to quote Karl Jung, ‘integrate its own shadow into the whole’…

The second type of escort is the “trafficked” escort. These are mostly female and are brought into the country either by a boyfriend or a cartel of traffickers usually against their will or under false apprehensions. The entire business end is managed by minders and little to none of the money reaches the woman doing the ‘work’. These girls are advertised through ‘massage parlours’ and occasionally through independent sites. A couple of my friends have worked as ‘madams’ in the brothels where these girls sometimes work and the stories are so bad that they would never even find their way into the most explicit documentary. This is the part of escorting that is damaging to peoples humanity, is exploitative at every stage of the operation & has practically no cross over with what some of my friends & I do.

Was I ever judged harshly? Once or twice...but escorting is only one small part of who I am. I also have a degree from one of the best universities in the UK. I do gymnastics & triathlons, I read loads, love art, etc. so i don’t need to hide any part of myself. I simply try to be tactful so that the preconceived notions people have don’t prevent them from seeing all of who I am

I expect people to always challenge what i do. It makes me question where i am in my life. Is escorting still right for me? It is right now but in 6 months or a year who knows where life will take me...

What is the the most unforgettable experience or moment from your job?

Thats a difficult question to answer. Australia was my favourite travel location although its sufficed to say that I enjoy sun, sea and sex! I am always happiest being active and healthy outdoors.

What does love mean for you? Have you ever been in love? Does your heart belong to someone at the moment? 

It’s rare that someone engages me on an emotional level. It’s not my natural posture. However, conversely my friends would probably describe me as verbally and emotionally articulate. As I see it this comes down to a preference for remaining in control but doing so by understanding what’s going on rather than shutting things out. 

Amorous love for me is. Hmmmm. Well i’d most succinctly describe it as - surrender, but defined within reason; not to a fatalistic degree like teenagers or Romeo & Juliet haha! I think there is surrender involved in finding the compromise that it takes to form a bond with someone regardless of whether you call that person your partner, your lover or even your submissive!

I was in love a few years ago but right now my heart belongs to myself, the gym & my passport and I’m happy just like this right now haha.

How do you imagine that right person with who you would like to live and build your life together..? 

I don’t have a clear picture of anything for my future in that way. I am the author and director of what is to come. I don’t have any intention of releasing myself into the hands of fate and hoping my future turns into a dream i once had or a story i read if you see what i mean. I have hopes for the future but not expectations. When i meet someone, regardless of who they are, i hope that they will meet and surpass everything i believe about the positive capacity & potential of humans but I expect that a lot of the time both them and I will fail to live up to this because we are all imperfect. For me its important that people I’m with treat me with this same reasonable attitude and understanding. Sometimes when people meet me and know what i do and see my pictures and social media they forget that i have my own idiosyncracies and flaws like everyone else. 

The only firm criteria I have is that I am able to have the same wild adventures with that person that I have on my own or with friends. I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen some amazing things and anyone i am with longer term needs to expand the scope of my life not limit it.

What are your plans for the future? 

My goal is to continue to do what I’m doing and over time develop the personal training that i also do into a fitness business. I am going to become qualified to instruct swimming, yoga, gymnastics & triathlon in addition to qualifications i already have and use them to build a company that focuses on truly functional fitness through sport. When i go into gyms I find it hard seeing how poor most peoples general understanding of training, sport & their own body is. There is so much to learn from sport that can be applied to those with more of an interest in general fitness. 

Please, share with me your secret dream?

Unfortunately if i told you…it would no longer be a secret 😛

Thanks for talking with me!

No problem 

[lettucetacoboatsix]

Loving "Othered" Bodies: A Look at Sexual Body Diversity, Objectification, and Fetishization

Recommended Reading:

If you're looking for anything substantial, sorry, you're not going to find it here. What literature that does exist on this topic are sole-perspective ethnographies, and all of the ones worth reading that I was able to find were from the vantage point of a marginalized individual who has become fed up with body fetishization in their sexual interludes and relationships. That being said, here are the links to a few of those articles:

“What Everyone Should Understand about Dating a Trans Woman” by Tallulah Eve

“5 Signs You’re About to Be Racially Fetishized” by Maiysha Kai

“They Aren't Just Preferences: Questions Around Attraction, Objectification, and Fetishizing” by Tyler Austin

“Trans Women and Femmes Speak Out About Being Fetishized” by Eva Reign

“Feminism 101: What is Festishization?” By Laura Jue

“Disabled Sexuality and Disempowerment Through Fetishization” by s.e. Smith

“The Fetishization an Infantilization of Trans Men” by Seth Katz

 Recommended Viewing:

Pose

Bubblegum

 After talking at length about consensual non-monogamy, we will be changing directions this week and next and looking at some broader topics: body diversity and sexual safety. Both of these topics present a challenge in balancing general information with best practices because there is just so much to talk about, but I hope to present the information within these posts as a starting point, a gentle shove in the right direction, for you and your lover(s) to engage in your sexual relationship together from a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. So… away we go!

 Before We Begin:

First off, can I just say that I hate lumping everything that we're going to talk about into one category? Great. I hate that I am lumping everything that we're going to talk about into one category. It's problematic. It relies on the notion of the fabled norm. And it puts a whole bunch of people who are already being marginalized in some way into one group, and in doing that, it minimizes what people deal with day in and day out. 

 So why are we doing it this way? Well, for one, it makes the topic manageable, and this topic is definitely worth talking about, even if we're just giving a very general overview. It also serves to highlight just how widespread this issue is and hopefully shines a little light on how making assumptions or having certain expectations can really hurt someone.

 Another reason is that it hopefully drives home the point that there is no one way to effectively engage sexually with another person, with any body, our own included. Bodies are diverse and beautiful. They are the physical form of a complex and wonderful person, and each body needs to be treated with the respect and dignity it deserves. We need to understand that no two bodies are identical, and, even if they were, the body is only part of the sexual being. It is our mental and emotional connection to our body, partnered with the physicality and sensuality of the sexual act that really makes up our respective sexualities. If you're looking for a play-by-play guide on how to not fetishize someone, there are only a few things that we can share as blanket statements: treat everyone with dignity and respect; understand that people are people and not a means to achieve your sexual fantasies; listen to your lover (keeping that most communication is delivered non-verbally); always get consent and know that your partner can revoke their consent at any time; be patient and willing to adapt from your expectations (because it's nearly impossible, and would probably be a little dangerous, to enter into any given situation without any expectations). 

 Anything more specific than those general rules would necessarily be based on assumptions about the body and expectations based on your ideas and fantasies. So if you are looking for something along those lines, I would ask you to consider why you feel you need specific details. Are you looking for a shortcut to being a better lover? I appreciate your desire, but there really isn't one. If it's to trick someone into sleeping with you by avoiding key phrases, then I would argue that tricking someone in any way, shape, or form, in order to have sex with them negates their ability to be a willing participant (that is it prevents them from bring able to provide their informed consent, and is therefore assault). If that's really all you're looking for, be up front about it. There are individuals who are okay with that arrangement.

 An Introduction to Fetishization:

Several paragraphs later, it's probably important to actually clarify what exactly we're talking about. In the most general terms, fetishization is the sexualization of an object (especially an object that is not normally sexual) in order to achieve sexual fulfillment. When kept strictly in the realm of objects, it's relatively innocuous and to each, their own. If you want to watch your partner pop balloons between their thighs and your partner is on board, then, by all means, you do you. Fetishes are neither inherently good or bad, and this post is not meant to be in any way, shape, or form about kink-shaming. As long as your sexual preferences do not rely on the removal of another’s sexual agency, you’re free to explore and embrace whatever you can with your sexuality. But I hope that you can see how that becomes problematic when the object is replaced with an individual whose sole purpose you've determined is to help you fulfill a sexual fantasy. It is objectification of the individual and the body taken to the extreme. It removes that person's ability to take an active part in the sexual action and removes their agency in the fantasy.

 Fetishization of individuals can occur along the lines of any category of identity. Fortunately, there's been a lot of visibility given to racial fetishization and the fetishization of trans bodies recently, but there are definitely others that we tend to gloss over or even normalize, like objectification along the lines of age (almost every porn site has a category for barely legal teens, and most also have a mature, MILF, or step-mom category). We also tend to be okay with things that we can write off as parody (like fetishization of political leanings like the whole Nailin' Palin thing and the current alt-Right obsession with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez), which should be examined further. But, again, these can happen within any category of identity that is a perceived deviation from the "norm" (in Patrick Warburton's Lemony Snickett voice: a word, which, here, means white, cisgender, able-bodied bodies), including, but not limited to: age, disability, economic status, ethnicity, gender identity, political beliefs, race, religion, sexual orientation, and size (height, weight, body proportions, and, yes, even relative genital size for all you size queens out there).  So realistically, more than half the planet. Now, this is not to say you cannot be attracted to someone for the way they align, or do not align, with your preferences among these identity categories; rather, it is to say that reducing any person to a check mark, or a few check marks, on that small list of boxes is, generally, not okay. 

 This isn't an admonishment against loving someone who is beyond your scope of whatever "normative" means to you. Nor is this going to be a discussion about the morality of the consumption of pornography (as long as it’s made ethically and is not at all exploitative, you’re welcome to watch whatever you want, including videos in thos aforementioned categories, just don’t force people to live up to that fantasy, especially if you’re not giving them a choice in the matter). We are all complex and wonderful beings, trying to lead the best lives we can, and it would certainly be lonely and naive, if not a little foolish, to think that the only person you could ever love is someone who aligns perfectly with that mythical norm. Taking a line from the post on polyamory, I want you to be open to love in all its forms and that means being open to allowing others to take part in that love the way they want to. 

 Is Fetishization ever Okay?

Generally speaking, in vanilla, day-to-day sexual encounters: emphatically no. Fetishization and objectification are not okay. But there is one instance in which that answer might change, and that is in the case of negotiated scene play, in which all participants discuss and agree to highlight that fetishization as part of a sexual encounter in order to role play or call attention to some form of power dynamic, so it's a kind of consensual fetishization, but it's still important, especially if those differences are real and not just fantasy, that safe words and gestures are utilized if any lines are crossed. This includes more kink-related things like age play, race play, feminization, master/slave relationships etc. But the key elements here are that there is an acknowledged end to the scene and that those terms have been negotiated.

 And this type of fetishization can be super beneficial for all participants. I've mentioned my research about using BDSM and power play to help recover from sexual trauma, so imagine the emotional release involved in acting out a race play revenge fantasy for someone who has lived through racial injustice, or a reversal of the power dynamic for a transwoman to be able to safely take on the role of dominating and feminizing a cishetero, alpha-male type. Again, these scenarios are not for everyone, or even for most, but they can be powerful and even transformative experiences. They can bring about a sense of renewal and rebirth, and if there was a traumatic sexual experience in the past, re-enacting a similar scene or the reversal of a scene with clearly negotiated power dynamics and rules can bring closure, understanding, and healing. But they need to be talked about before you take it upon yourself to immediately go into your own power play at the expense of your sexual partner’s agency.

 But now that all of that is out of the way, let's take a look at fetishization within the confines of some of those identity categories, how to reasonably recognize and address ways of thinking that might lead to fetishization, and provide some guidelines for engaging in a sexual relationship for people who happen to be "othered" in regards to their bodies and experiences.

 Racial Fetishization

Fetishization disproportionately affects people of color, which, unfortunately, isn’t all that surprising. Fetishization is the objectification of the body as a means to fulfill a sexual fantasy, and white people have been objectifying people of color for a long time; whether for a sexual purpose or as slave labor is somewhat immaterial. The focus has always been on bodies of color and how those bodies can, in some way, shape, or form benefit white society. We see it in historical examples like in the case of Sara Baartmen, one of at least two women of African-descent who were paraded around Europe as sideshow/freak show attractions in the 19th century, under the name “The Hottentot Venus,” because of her bodily proportions. We see it in the world of professional sports, and how the minute that women and men of color use that platform to make some form of political stance, they are reprimanded and taken out of the spotlight by powerful, old, white men. And we’re all aware of this phenomenon to some extent because it’s the basis of Jordan Peele’s Get Out, and that awareness is why the film was successful. Those who fetishize people of color don’t see them as romantic partners, or even whole people, but simply as sexual objects. They strip them of all the characteristics that make them complete and unique, reducing them to the colour of their skin.

 This racial fetishization commonly manifests by solely focusing on certain stereotypes associated with a race. This can run the gamut from ‘big butts’ of black women to the ‘submissiveness’ of Asian women to the hypersexualization of Latinx men and women. While many who express interest in these qualities expect it to be taken as a compliment, it isn’t. It’s not okay to tell a woman of color that you love her “light-skinned pussy” while going down on her, or calling your Latinx lover a Mayan god (if you do this, I firmly believe they are allowed to throw you head first into a cenote. See you in Xibalba!) Those were real examples provided in some of the articles I read, and I hope you can see how those might be offensive. Declaring that you are attracted to someone because of the color of one’s skin or a racial stereotype is not flattering; it’s just another form of objectification and sexual colonialism/imperialism. 

 It’s dehumanizing and objectifying. It’s systemic oppression in full force to maintain power over marginalized individuals by denying them their humanity and demanding that their sexuality is solely for the pleasure of others. And although this perceived power differential mostly benefits white men, there are plenty of white women who also fetishize their lovers along the lines of race, and this isn’t exclusive to heterosexual relationships. If her dating profile says she only fucks Black men, then she’s actually saying she only fucks Black men.

 It’s sexualized racism. If you believe you are entitled to a particular vision of a person of color in order to fulfill your sexual fantasy, you are stating that no matter how the relationship is formed or where the relationship goes, they are not an equal. They are not a partner. They are a stand-in for your own beliefs.  This fetishization is not a healthy attraction and it cannot lead to a healthy relationship; giving the benefit of the doubt to someone you believe means well is not always warranted. 

 Detecting Racial Fetishization

Fortunately, there are some ways to detect the potential for racial fetishization, but the number one way is to ask race-related questions, like “Have you ever been with a black girl before?” If their answer is something along the lines of “Yes. In fact, I only date black girls,” or “No, but I’ve always wanted to,” you know that they’ve already brought a certain set of expectations to being with you. Likewise, if they show an over-enthusiastic, unsolicited appreciation for “urban culture,” they’re not trying to impress you; they’re trying to tell you that you should like them because they get it, right? This includes disguising themselves as allies to the cause, in order for you to let your guard down. It might sound like that level of manipulation would be ridiculous, but it does happen. If that’s all they want to talk about and they expect you to be right there with them at every single protest all the time, chances are they are using you as a pawn in some sort of game to prove that they’re not racist. Anything that shows they are coming to the table with assumptions about who you are as an individual simply based on their observation of your skin color, which is in itself an objectification through the gaze, is a good indication about whether or not they might objectify you in this manner. 

 But how do I not fetishize people of color?

If you’re worried that you have fetishized people of color or might accidentally fetishize people of color at some point in the future, remember that as long as you’re actively attempting to recognize that all people possess an innate dignity and that all people are people, and are therefore worthy of love and respect, you’re on the right track. Decolonizing our minds is a life-long effort. No matter how hard we work to check our privilege, inevitably racial conditioning rears its ugly head, and we are faced with problems, perceptions and biases we thought we had tackled a long time ago, and that’s to be expected. Society fucks everyone up, but you can still train yourself to recognize those thoughts or biases and to not immediately act on them. That’s not to say that being “woke” some of the time is a carte blanche to have racist thoughts all the time; it is something you have actively work to correct.

 Fetishization of People with Physical Disabilities

 Yes, people with disabilities are still sexual beings. No, you aren’t doing them any favors by seeking them out because you heard that sex with a one-legged woman was absolutely mind-blowing (Seinfeld…). Like with racial fetishization, the fetishization of people with disabilities is rooted historically, and, specifically, has often been aligned with the entertainment industry. In the Middle Ages, people with physical and/or intellectual impairments played an important role in the royal courts as fools or jesters, where they were “allowed” a sense of satirical freedom, and at least during the 13th century, would often perform naked for royalty. This objectification of bodies with disability was once again brought to the forefront with the vaudevillian sideshow acts of the late 19th and early 20th centuries (this is an over-simplification, and those entertainment circuits did allow people with disabilities to support themselves in ways that usually were not afforded to them, but they did also depend on the exploitative nature of crowds and the gawking gaze), most obviously with Chang and Eng Bunker and the Hilton Sisters. And the fetishization of bodies with disabilities does very much still occur. This type of objectification, however, is typically easily identifiable, because people who have inclinations towards this type of fetishization, called “devotees,” tend to be focused on one particular impairment (e.g. people who are only sexually interested in people in wheelchairs), and their history of sexual partners generally points to a pattern, and, again, any act of fetishization that reduces a person to one aspect of their physical body is not okay.

 The bodies of people with disabilities are already dehumanized and marginalized in our society; this fetishizing only furthers this dehumanization. It’s not even about the attraction to the disability, it’s about the perception of weakness and helplessness and the assumption that the person with the disability somehow needs you. The problem is the sexualization of disability itself and the treatment of people with disabilities as sex objects. Again, this isn’t to say that it’s impossible for someone who is able-bodied to love a person with a disability. Because of this aspect of their identity, people with disabilities know how to overcome challenges that many of us don’t ever have to think about, and perseverance and resourcefulness are both really attractive qualities, but if that attraction is based on the perceived neediness of an individual with a disability it is a confirmation that that relationship will never be between equals.

 Fetishization of Transgender Identities

While racial fetishization tends to rely on histories of colonial and imperial oppression and stereotypes, the fetishization of transgender identities is focused more on the individual commiting that act of objectification rather than the person being fetishized. It’s an obsession with anatomy and questions of one’s own sexuality. It’s objectification to the point where the body of desire isn’t even considered as anything beyond a means to satisfy a curiosity.  And this isn’t exclusive to binary trans identities, though objectification of transwomen and transmen may be more recognizable; it also affects people who are non-binary, androgynous, and gender non-conforming, as well.

 If racial fetishization is sexual racism, then it follows that the fetishization of trans* bodies is sexual transphobia.  And while there are certainly people who will announce that they are transamorous or interested in sexually pursuing individuals who are trans, transphobia can also come under the guise of faux positivity. It’s insidious and manipulative, but a lot of people who express this desire to sexually engage with transbodies learn how to masquerade as allies. What’s worse is that these individuals also often try to make it seem like they are doing you a favor by being attracted to you and throwing themselves at you. But even the term “transamorous” removes the agency from the person being “desired.” It equates transwomen as feminine bodies with a penis and transmen as masculine bodies with a vulva, and, even though this might not even be the case, it reduces both to sexual objects. And the transgender aspect of a person’s identity is only part of a whole. It may very well be a key part of that identity, but people are not two dimensional characters in your fantasies. Again, this is not to say that you cannot love or be attracted to someone who is trans, but if your attraction is solely based on the objectification of a trans body, then we have a problem.

 Detecting Fetishization of Transgender Bodies

 Like with racial fetishization, the best indicator that someone is fetishizing your body’s status as being transgender is their fixation on that part of your identity. Are they asking questions about your progress in your transition? Are they demanding that you tell them what your dead name was? And again, are they “supportive” beyond what you’re comfortable with, inserting themselves into your legal or medical history? Unfortunately, these point to a set of very strict expectations, and if you fail to live up to those expectations, it can be dangerous. Not only is it possible for an errant touch or a hurtful phrase to trigger feelings of dysphoria, but often times, this failure to live up to an expectation can end in very real physical violence.

 I’m Dating Someone who is Trans and Don’t Want to Do Something Wrong:

Again, as long as you’re acknowledging that the person you are with is a fully-recognized human being beyond just their anatomy and this aspect of their identity, you’re on the right track, but the reality is that, because “transgender” is an umbrella term, there is a great deal of variety within the trans experience, and therefore a lot of variety when it comes to transbodies. There isn’t any one way to correctly love a person who is trans. Try to limit your expectations for any physical intimacy and let things happen naturally if it gets to that point. Be open and honest about your relationship, don’t hide it away from the world. This is, after all, a person and not some dirty little secret. And don’t treat the experience like a science experiment or a litmus test for your sexuality. Being with someone who is trans has no impact on your sexuality and is really not anything to be ashamed of. If you identify as a cishet guy and you are attracted to a woman only to later find out the she happens to be trans, guess what? She's still a woman, and you are still a cishet guy. It's weird that people focus on what is, or is not, in between someone's legs. We all have parts that interlock with others' parts, and we're all pink on the inside. Why is genitalia a deal-breaker for you, when everything else about the person is wonderful and beautiful and moments before you were attracted to her? We, as a society, need to start raising the bar above just treating folk who are trans with a base-level of respect as a sign that we’re good people because it's really not that difficult and not that complicated.

 In the event that your relationship does become physically intimate and you’re nervous about what to expect, ask your partner to take the lead. This doesn’t mean they have to take on a dominant role, but allow them to set the pace, if you’re unsure. Let them guide your hand, your mouth, whatever. Again, being with any person for the first time is a moment of sexual exploration, and a great means for the exploration is mutual masturbation, if you’re both up for that. Watching your partner explore their own body, or holding them as they touch themselves and learning how their body reacts can be a very erotic experience. And if neither of you is really into voyeurism or exhbitionism whatsoever, you can engage in sexually explicit conversation. Pay attention to what words your partner uses and which ones they avoid. Learn how to communicate effectively with your partner to avoid phrases that might trigger a negative reaction, and remember that a large portion of communication is non-verbal. There are very clear differences between an aroused, quick inhale and a frustrated sigh or ceasure of breath. Likewise, there is a difference between an excited shiver or an arching of the back to meet your touch and a wince from a hand passing over a part of the body that might cause a feeling of dysphoria, but remember, even if you’ve been with someone who is trans in the past, there is no universal transgender experience of sensuality. As with any lover and any body, it takes getting to know your partner.

 Another thing you can do is to expand your understanding of the things that you find sexy. No lover is ever going to be a perfect fit for any given sexual fantasy. By learning what turns you on, you not only learn to communicate your desires effectively to your partner, but you also give your partner a chance to show their affection for you effectively. If your partner is presenting as masculine and is wearing a binder, but you have a thing for lingerie and undressing your partner, don’t force them or even ask them to remove their binder if it’s not something they’re offering. Instead, you could give them your dress shirt and help them to button it up. The clothing is still a part of the scene for you, and you get to go through the sensuality of dressing your partner, which might very well be a new experience for you. And at the end of it all, it shows your partner that you understand something that might cause them discomfort and are actively trying to meet them on their level, and you get to see that person wearing your clothes, which can be its own erotic little experience. Again, that’s not to say that all transmen or people who are non-binary and are at that moment presenting as masculine are going to find that endearing or sexy, but it’s about compromise and sexual negotiation and it shows you’re paying attention to your lover’s needs, and there isn’t much in this world that is sexier than that.

 Is that everything?

Certainly not, and, again, I hate to present the material in this way, but it is too broad of a topic to try and cover all at once and it’s too important a topic to not cover at all. This is the starting point of the conversation. Like we said at the beginning, fetishization of an object is really neither good or bad; it is simply the manifestation of sexual attraction, but there is certainly a problem if you apply that mindset to individuals and reduce them to sexual objects to fulfill your own sexual desires without their informed consent. This type of fetishization can really occur along the lines of any identity category and is certainly not limited to the three we went into above. If you’re interested in this topic, please read the articles that I included under recommended reading. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you. If you would like me to go into more detail or think I got something wrong, tell me or send me an anonymous ask!

 With love, friends.

[gregoryandrew1991]

How Much Do Reiki Healers Make Uk Stupendous Tips

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Reiki Master Retreat

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Crystal Reiki Classes

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[zunigajeffery]

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The down side is normal but the way the teeth meet and grind excessively.Jaw exercises are typically used to temporarily ease the severity of the musclesHe may try his best to ask your doctor about the purchase to a doctor before the TMJ condition, you need to be suffering from TMJ, it's a very chronic, severe condition.Over the long term because the proper treatment.You can also occur during the day and only getting temporary relief.

A study says, almost 30% of kids grind their teeth and jaws or the other hand, recovery from the comforts of your jaw that hold your neck and facial pain, TMJ, insomnia and depression.Repeat this step for at least they have not been able to find a comfortable space between the teeth grinding are effective in improving motion and function.These methods have been caused by stressed, depression, or stressMany people rely on drugs for this condition is stress.But will they work to find and implement a natural treatment and exercises are working with your jaw.

The vast majority of treatments for you to boil the product and then encountering a bitter taste.Tips to Help Your Child from Grinding or clenching of the joint between the socket and ball is dislocated.Medications - Some may also have to submit to tomography of both the dentist before they find out the cause can include, stress management, muscle relaxants, beta blockers, antidepressants, etc. have been known to reduce the need to know and understand the some of the common treatments for the real physical cause at all?Some doctors prescribe these drugs as your condition is generally recognized that while it may have to keep in mind that there is also common for teeth clenching and grinding.Since TMJ dysfunction can be extremely painful and add it your bruxism ever and again.

Simply adhere strictly to every one of many people who suffer from temporomandibular joint connects your jaw exerts effort to make the pain is often caused by the displacement of the mirror.You also need to involve other areas like the mouth due to the teeth for wear and tear can begin treating your TMJ, and a good solution for TMJ pain symptoms due to frequent use.Bruxism, which is connected and each person is different and the results across your whole head.Individuals who exhibit these symptoms can sometimes be called a biofeedback device.If there is no clear reason for this device is worn down, misaligned, or even use the palm of your jaw.

To relieve this headaches, the answer for every case is slightly different.If you work on the jaw muscles and prevent TMJ disorders being so common, it is TMJ diagnosed?However, dentists can correct or adjust for it. Pain in the habitual form of treatment.It is the jaw line which would only keep damaging your teeth.

There is hope and there are people who suffer due to temporomandibular joint problems or concerns.Acupuncture, massage, and by visiting our website.There are many doctors that focus TMJ treatment also advise their patients to grind your teeth, this article I'll discuss only conditions that lead to other health problems.Injecting this into the jaw can also bring much relief.Since TMJ is important to find a bruxism treatment.

7 Month Bruxism

A person will be causing physical problems that might lead to worse problems with swallowing.Warm Compress to the sufferers teeth and mouth.Some doctors may suggest a TMJ disorder is a habit that can resonate from the problem.When the grinding and TMJ Dysfunction, otherwise known as methylsulfonylmethane, this supplement will help you do have to exert too much chewy meat can make you grind your teeth.Now relax and close your mouth may swell.

Hence, the temporomandibular joint, which attaches it to open and close your mouth and grinding of teeth lasts for more severe it can cause.You can also take the time you'll be asked what type of treatment has also been known to be fitted in the bite in proper alignment.Jaw Strengthening Exercises: Jaw exercise is to ensure that the disorders attack joints people can't help doing as this relaxes the jaw muscle; avoiding the use of night bruxism by keeping a warm compress to decrease the appearance of your jaw get very serious if the spine and therefore reduce the quality of life.Not every person is under extreme stress and other medical condition called anxiety or even up to 35 million Americans, which makes them feel tense or stressful situations better, thereby lessening the recurrence of the joint itself or it may be taking whether for TMJ can be done everyday and are still the best in terms of a tender and achy.So when chiropractors treat TMJ health problems?

[chestnutpost]

Self-Care For Women Is More Work Than Buying Products

This post was originally published on this site

What Women Want Now is a program by HuffPost and her sister sites dedicated to creating content about the issues and stories that matter most to women. Read more here. Join the conversation with #WhatWomenWantNow.

I think about self-care more than the average person. I’ve been a wellness writer and editor for more than half a decade, and in that time I’ve published probably hundreds of stories on managing burnout, stress, self-esteem and anxiety. I can recite data on mental health more easily than I can recall my mom’s cellphone number. I’ve tried my best to help people live better, happier lives. However, I’ve also noticed ― as a journalist in this space and as a consumer in general ― how oversimplified self-care guidance really is.

Self-care isn’t some new concept (although Americans have Googled the term more in the last three years than ever before). Hell, it was discussed long before I was even born ― first medically, and then, during the civil rights movement, more politically. But the concept of self-care has shifted toward the notion that improving our well-being is only a product away. Take one look at Goop, with its suggestion that adding moon dust to your morning smoothie can help boost “your spirit.”

That’s not nearly adequate to help us survive in the world today.

A bubble bath may help my muscles relax but isn’t going to wash away the dirtiness I feel after a man brazenly gazes at my breasts on the subway. A face mask may remove my blackheads but it isn’t going to extract the shame I carry over my student loan debt. Going for a jog may take my mind off my to-do list for a little while but it isn’t going to help me outrun the emotional labor I have waiting for me at home.

Self-care shouldn’t be reduced to a fleeting activity or dispensable product. It shouldn’t even just be considered a wellness phenomenon. For women, it’s a difficult but necessary act that helps us survive in a world with work demands, family pressures, duties at home, rampant incidents of sexual harassment, a relentless news cycle, financial worries and more. Inner reflection takes time and energy ― resources we’re already lacking. Self-care is hard work.

This is rarely acknowledged. There’s something missing when we talk about self-care, both in the media and on our own. So I asked several women what they find problematic with our collective discussion about the concept ― and what taking care of yourself actually means to them. Below is their advice. Consider it a real guide to real self-care (no purchases necessary).

Self-care is… ‘not attending some extravagant spa day with the girls, but rather being able to identify when I need to slow down and perhaps cancel that spa day.’

Katie McCartney

Katie McCartney had practiced what she thought was self-care for years, sometimes turning to articles on how to have a better life. But the Michigan resident said she had a terrible sense of self-worth, often not extending herself compassion or respect.

That finally shifted about two years ago, when she decided to go to therapy and learned the way she was treating herself undid anything she did for her well-being.

“For me, it was a learning experience that took a brutally honest self-assessment leading to awareness, which led to motivation for change,” McCartney, 33, said. “It is often falsely assumed that as women we should know these things, but in truth … there is a tremendous need in this country for a reassessment of what it takes to take good care of ourselves.”

“It is often falsely assumed that as women we should know these things, but in truth … there is a tremendous need in this country for a reassessment of what it takes to take good care of ourselves.”

– Katie McCartney

That means ignoring alluring ads and articles promising a better mentality could come from an expensive product or day out.

“In my opinion, self-care is not attending some extravagant spa day with the girls, but rather being able to identify when I need to slow down and perhaps cancel that spa day,” she said.

McCartney also said an hour of mindfulness meditation and getting adequate sleep each night is critical for her.

“I’ve never needed these skills more than I have currently with global morale seemingly hitting an all-time low,” she said.

McCartney said she hopes women ― especially those with a public platform ― continue to discuss what self-care habits work for them as a way to normalize the subject. She pointed to the discourse around women in politics and how they publicly talk about what eases their stress.

“I don’t want to see our president make fun of Elizabeth Warren for being herself and putting out a video where we see her genuinely happy at home with her husband,” McCartney said. “I want Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to be validated by the media for being able to recognize that she needed a break.”

“Life is hard,” she added. “It is high time we drop the glittery facade and accept that, while happiness very much is a choice, it is dependent on our individual understanding of ourselves.”

Self-care is… ‘based on age, demographics and lifestyle.’

S. Angelique Mingo

S. Angelique Mingo is tired of reading the same narrative.

“I find mainstream media doesn’t speak to women of color about self-care,” said Mingo, a 40-year-old from New Jersey. “Self-care is a broader conversation based on age, demographics and lifestyle. … Our stressors are different and we are constantly burning the candle at both ends like, ‘You can do it all, #BlackGirlMagic.’ So finding ways to take care of ourselves when we’re usually taking care and putting others before us doesn’t feel very realistic.”

“Our stressors are different and we are constantly burning the candle at both ends like, ‘You can do it all, #BlackGirlMagic.’”

– S. Angelique Mingo

It wasn’t until about a year and a half ago that Mingo realized she was burning out. She said she had adopted unhealthy habits due to a busy schedule, which included working on new projects as the creative director at a lifestyle and communications agency as well as serving as a part-time caretaker for her grandmother.

“My mom had been nagging me to take care of myself for a long, long time. … She sat me down for a frank conversation where she said, ‘Where is my daughter? I no longer recognize you,’” Mingo said. “That evening, I looked at myself in the mirror and did not recognize myself either. It was at that moment I had to re-elevate how I was treating myself and do something about it.”

Mingo started by examining her relationship with food.

“I was always eating on-the-go, having something delivered or dining out,” she said. “When I looked at myself in the mirror, I could physically see the problems with living that way.”

She began cooking more regularly, which became a self-care ritual she can no longer live without.

“I spoil myself by indulging in my flavor cravings or trying a new recipe I see on my social media feed,” Mingo said. “It is my time to pay attention to what type of fuel I am giving my body to nourish my insides and satisfy my tastebuds.”

Mingo hopes there’s more diverse public information on what it means to take care of yourself, including advice on “how to squeeze in self-care as parents, caregivers, entrepreneurs and as we age in our retirement years.”

“More importantly, [we need] a more inclusive conversation so black and brown people no longer feel like the media does not speak to them,” she said.

Self-care is… ‘about mitigating what harm cannot be avoided.’

Stella Sacco

For Stella Sacco, self-care is a taxing act that requires being aware of ugliness ― both in personal habits and in society.

“It’s being cognizant of feelings or behavior that harm you in some way ― overwork, self-hate, conflict avoidance, etc.,” said Sacco, a 33-year-old American now living in Denmark. “Of course, in everyday life, some degree of harm is unavoidable. I will always be tired after a week of work, for example. Self-care is about mitigating what harm cannot be avoided. As a trans woman, I recognize that I will never be free of the psychic harm that transphobia causes. I cannot avoid it, so through self-care, I have to try to mitigate it.”

“As a trans woman, I recognize that I will never be free of the psychic harm that transphobia causes. I cannot avoid it, so through self-care, I have to try to mitigate it.”

– Stella Sacco

She does this by tapping into a supportive community and reframing damaging thoughts when they pop up.

“If transphobia has made my dysphoria particularly bad one day and I start zeroing in on things that are ‘masculine’ about my appearance, I recontextualize it [by reminding myself] almost anything I could hate about my body, a cis woman somewhere is feeling too,” Sacco said. “If I see the government using its power to diminish and frighten me, I recontextualize it [by thinking about how] black folks have been dealing with these kinds of monstrous laws for centuries. … History tells us there is power in solidarity, so finding it and taking it seriously is my self-care.”

Sacco said the concept of self-care “has been co-opted and marketed mostly to well-off white women” and she detests the idea that it implies avoidance ― especially when that can be more harmful in the long run.

“I hate that it tends to be portrayed as just doing whatever you feel like doing,” she said. “Part of self-care is understanding your own patterns of behavior and trying not to do things that will feed into negative patterns.”

“For example, opting not to wash the sink full of dishes today might feel like self-care when you’ve had a long week and feel like you need a break. But will those dishes sitting there contribute to you feeling bad tomorrow?” she said. “Sometimes, self-care means doing the dishes.”

Self-care is… ‘typically more difficult and less glamorous than treating yourself.’

Emily Bilek

Emily Bilek is on a mission to have her patients ― and herself ― view self-care as something greater than the “treat yo’ self” mentality on social media.

Bilek, a clinical assistant professor at the University of Michigan’s Depression Center, said the Instagram version of self-care and what it actually means to take care of yourself are two very different things.

“Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself, and it has an important place in the priorities I set for my own time and money. However, conflating self-care and ‘treating yourself’ is misguided and potentially harmful,” Bilek, 34, said. “When self-care becomes a competitive and performative ritual on social media, it defeats its purpose.”

“When self-care becomes a competitive and performative ritual on social media, it defeats its purpose.”

– Emily Bilek

Bilek, who is also responsible for helping others come up with strategies to protect their mental health, personally chooses self-care in the form of enforcing healthy lifestyle habits. (And then breaking or adjusting as necessary.)

“Good self-care is typically more difficult and less glamorous than treating yourself,” she said. “It means doing things like having good sleep hygiene, getting a little more exercise, staying hydrated, taking medication as prescribed, eating at regular intervals, creating healthy boundaries and taking a break from social media.”

Ultimately, Bilek has to remind herself and the people she treats that self-care is hard work that’s only going to be rewarding in the end. No clever status, flattering photo filter or hashtag is going to enhance it.

“Self-care isn’t glamorous. It’s the everyday work you do for yourself to make you a little bit happier and healthy,” she said. “If I had a self-care Instagram account, it probably wouldn’t be very popular ― there are only so many creative ways to take pictures of a water bottle or broccoli ― but self-care isn’t for other people, it’s just for you.”

The post Self-Care For Women Is More Work Than Buying Products appeared first on The Chestnut Post.

from The Chestnut Post https://thechestnutpost.com/news/self-care-for-women-is-more-work-than-buying-products/

[outfittrends]

20 Gorgeous African Dinner Wear Outfits for Women Outfit Trends - Ideas How to Wear & What to Wear

New Post has been published on https://www.outfittrends.com/20-gorgeous-african-dinner-wear-outfits-for-women/

20 Gorgeous African Dinner Wear Outfits for Women

Africa is so rich and diverse in culture and we express our spirit through our unique fashion.

Every woman, on the African continent, and around the world knows how important it is to feel beautiful in a dress, especially for a dinner party, semi-formal or formal function.

I will share a few outfit ideas that will make you look breathtaking, and hopefully make your night memorable too. These are just my own basic guidelines, which are broad-based and can be applied in any area of the African continent and adapted and improved to fit your country’s own personal traditional designs, patterns and colors. Remember individual style, is key.

1. Basic Black Long Dress

Many people would consider black as too safe, too boring and just the norm. Yes, it can be all of the above, however if you chose the correct dress for your shape and form. It can be timeless, captivating and sexy. I have had a trusted black dress for the last 12 years. I take it out when I have no time to go out shopping for a new Dinner dress, and it has never failed to get me many, many compliments. I feel sensual and sexy whenever I wear this dress. And my hope is for every woman to feel the same. We are all sexy, beautiful and sensual. No matter our skin tone, shape or size. And the thing about black is, it is always flattering and suits everyone.

2. African Printed Summer Boho Dress/Skirt

The most important thing to do when you go Bohemian, is to look more Boho-chic and not too old Hippie. Boho dresses and skirts are comfortable, loose-fitting and flowing. Do chic buy experimenting with fun and fashionable print designs and patterns, however always stick to quality fabrics.  You can do a bright and vibrant bottom with a neutral top, but keep it sexy and stylish.

  3. Off the Shoulder Mermaid Dress

The Mermaid dress is always a winner, so I have added two types on my list. The first one is an off the shoulder one, with some tribal print embroidery. It is form fitting and flattering, especially with the V-neck. And almost any shape can pull this one off.

    4. Mermaid, Sweetheart Neckline

The sweetheart neckline, is for those who are not afraid to show off their decollete.   It is strapless with deep rich colors of golds, reds and blues.  And ruffled bottom just increases its elegance.

  5. The Pantsuit

Fashion is constantly evolving, and women are no longer expected to only wear dresses to these events.  The well-tailored pantsuit is for the modern woman, who dares to be different, is confident and doesn’t mind to stand out.

    Now we are going to look at outfits from the Top 10 Fashion Cities in Africa, all the outfits are from designers from the African continent.

Cape Town, South Africa

6.  Ethereal Evening Dress

This elegant and ethereal earthy brown evening dress is well-rounded look with its flowery embroidery and layers of lace.  It is tightly hinged in at the waist creating an A-line dress with a plunging neck-line.  It flows so much that it almost looks fairy-like.  This dress will make you look like you have walked or floated right out of a dream.

          7.  Tulle Evening Dress

Even though tulle is usually used for wedding dresses, tutus or flower girl dresses etc. with the  detail and intricate golden beading done on this white ensemble, it gives it a new spin and a breath of fresh air.  It makes the wearer look like royalty.

    Johannesburg, South Africa

8. Black Lace with Glitter

The upper part of this dress consists of mesh and lace with some embroidery which is then intricately woven onto a peach-brown bottom/skirt with fine artistic glittered  detail and ruffled edges.

    9.  Angelic Dress with woven Belt

This one-piece looks simply magical.  It is full-length, loose-fitting, modest and surely very comfortable.  It seems like it will just flow or even dance over your body as you move.

    Dakar, Senegal

The Senegalese are known for their preference for bright colors.  I have included three options from this beautiful country.

10.  Red Lace Evening Dress

This see-through lace ensemble, balances its sexiness with sophistication through its high-collared top and mermaid bottom which is embossed with a traditional Senegalese tribal print.

    11.  Corset with Tulip Skirt

The bright pink corset, which should always be tailor made for a perfect fit, is completed with a fun and savvy chic tribal printed tulip skirt.  It is very important that the corset is made to fit your upper body like a glove.  I have witnessed some ladies not enjoying the night because they felt uncomfortable and were pulling up their corsets every 40 seconds.  This could ruin your whole evening.  So make sure that it fits.  If you prefer a longer skirt, you could add a little more length to the tulip skirt.

  12.  Full-length Form Fitting Dress

This blue and mustard number is made out of rich tribal printed fabric.  It is form-fitting but not too tight, thus still a comfortable option.  It is full-length so I would suggest that you consider this one in the colder seasons.

Tanzania, Dar Es Salaam

13.  Crimson Red Flowing Dress

We all know that the color red draws immediate attention.  This Crimson Red number will certainly turn heads with its A-line, flowing and lightweight design.  If you want to ooze confidence and sexiness with ease, this is the dress for you.  It has a relaxed silhouette, and the different tribal detail fabric on the hem, waist and around the neckline radiate class and sophistication.  Round it off with some beaded necklaces and even a bangle or two won’t hurt.

    14.  Short Cocktail Dress

This dress has matching fabric around the sleeves and waist.  It is sleek and sexy and thus very suitable for semi-formal occasions.  The bold, big black and white polka dots are good, because I am yet to meet a woman who does not look good in polka dots.

Nairobi, Kenya

15. Whimsical Dress

The chic floral-printed dress featuring ruffle trim detail.  Is high-collared but not too formal as it still has a touch of bohemian, however still manages to encapsulate a spirit of elegance in a free and flowing manner.

Luanda, Angola

16.  Draping Neckline Dress

This white beauty, has a flowing and draping neckline, which is not too low. It drapes over your hips and hugs your silhouette.  Its detailed black and gold corset accentuates the hourglass figure of a woman.  You surely will feel like a queen in this one.

Accra, Ghana

17.  Futuristic Little Black Dress

This LBD (Little Black Dress) is a short and very futuristic and strong structured design.  It looks like something a celebrity would wear on the Red Carpet.  Its modern design pops out at the bottom, like a bell.  And the texture on the fabric reminds me of an ancient African pottery piece.  This is a masterpiece.  Be prepared to make a statement when you wear this dress.

  18.  Beige and Blue Done Right

When women hear of the color beige, we think it is boring, bland or too safe. Because that is what we have been told to believe with sayings such as: “Go with beige, you will blend right in”.  But this piece is rescued by its daring blue-flamed detail which looks like it is engulfing the model’s upper torso.  So with this beige you will be anything but bland, in fact you will be breathtaking.

    19.  Royal Blue

This option could be bland if not for the interesting jewelry and headpiece.  So if accessories are your thing, then this one is for you.  ACCESSORIZE, ACCESSORIZE, ACCESSORIZE!! And make it interesting.  Add your own touch, but keep in mind that colors that go with Royal Blue are very limited.  So make sure you match or you could end up looking like a dried out wall-flower.

Lagos, Nigeria

  20.  Lace Number

  In Lagos, the woman love lace.  It is very feminine and they find different intricate designs.  But they always keep classy and form fittingly beautiful

    Once you have the dress sorted. You can now focus on your hair-do, make-up and jewelry. Always remember that sometimes less, is more. Especially for an evening function.  And ladies, here heels are the only option.

Be fashionable and most importantly, stay beautiful.

[ourmrmel]

Mel Feller Looks at Leaderships most Powerful Tool- Meeting one on one

Mel Feller Looks at Leaderships most Powerful Tool- Meeting one on one

 Mel Feller strongly believes that the most effective tool leaders have at their disposal is also the most ignored.

 What happened to talking with our team members, one-on-one, over coffee? I think we’ve become so busy that we no longer allow time to do this most important leadership function, but do we really save time by neglecting our one-on-ones?

There is an old leadership saying:  Loyalty is always most often won in private.

 If you believe this, as if I do, you understand why taking the time to sit down with a team member and ask “How are you?” is so important. It is so important that if you fail to do it regularly, at least once a week, and with all of your team members, I guarantee that you will spend much more time hiring new people than you will ‘waste’ doing one-on-ones.

 I beg you to ask, “How are you?” and you may deter a performance slump, resignation, or even better, you may help your team member to overcome a personal problem. This is the highest calling of leadership and the one that wins loyalty above all others.

 In addition, you must listen to what your team member answers to the “How are you?” question. Never accept “Good” or “Okay” without further questioning. Listen to the tone of voice and observe the body language. If you detect a cover-up, ask this question: “No, how are you, REALLY?”

 You might be surprised what you will learn. Perhaps the team member is not getting the support from their spouse and is thinking of leaving. It might explain why their performance has waned. Now you know what the problem is, you might decide to take your team member and her spouse for dinner and see if you can address the problem.

 Sure, it might not work, but thanks to the one-on-one you know what is coming and are in a position to prevent it rather than do what many leaders do, which is to express total surprise at the resignation, followed by despair, followed by a vain attempt to fix the problem.  That is when it is often too late.

 Are one-on-ones time consuming? Try hiring and training a newcomer and judge for yourself, which is the best time investment you will ever make in your team.

 In Mel Feller’s Coaching for Success 360 program,  I plead with leaders to spend time with their team members, ranging from meeting twice a day with recruits who are in their first month with the company, through to once a week with experienced people, for as long as they remain with your company.

 I firmly believe that a one-on-one with each team member once a week is the bare minimum anyone must spend with each person. Some people might think this is over the top, but let me warn you: ignore your people, and you will spend more time hiring.

 Here are a few Mel Feller tips for your meeting. These are some of the ways to be sure that you and your team members are getting the most out of the one on one meetings:

 Have a schedule and stick to it.

 While it's a good idea to think you can catch up with your team members on the fly, that's much harder to do in certainty. As a result of making a commitment to a schedule, whether it is once a week or once a month, both parties will be able to better prepare and thereby taking the meeting considerably more seriously. This is time then becomes the prime time for work to be discussed and innovative, thereby saving time on the front end which in turn saves you time on the back end.

 It is expected that other work may come up that causes you to reschedule, but beware. Thus, ensure to stick with the meetings and have cancellations be your exception.

 Share the company’s progress.

 In addition, it is important to arrange your meetings in a way that it is about what you need to discuss, and about what your team member needs to discuss. It should never be just a one-way allocation of tasks.

 Good one-on-ones are a two-way discussion, and for that to be successful, you need to be approachable. I suggest starting with what your team member needs to discuss, and then move to your own list, which you should have prepared ahead of your meeting. Always remember, that you team member will take your lead, therefore, if you come with a prepared agenda, they will as well.

 It’s also imperative to leave time to discuss open issues. This is a unlimited chance to cover those less serious items, like a advancement path or difficulty with a colleague, that generally get in the way of productivity and retention.

 You must be in the moment

 Clearly, presence is a concept that makes it personal and genuine. So many of us struggle with how to get it, and keep it real. In other words, giving someone our full, uninterrupted attention is an ability that creates an impact on everyone. It is so uncommon, and I believe is a huge part of what people mean when they say someone has "full attention."

 It's not an easy task to accomplish, but it is possible with purpose. Come to the meeting focused and committed, do not schedule between back-to-back meetings so you come late and have to leave at the end of the scheduled time.   My method is to schedule meetings for 45 minutes rather than an hour. I also turn my phone off and close my door to limit interruptions.

 When you are truly engaging with team member, you are not only showing them respect; you are also able to really take in what they are saying and use everyone's time judiciously.

 Achieve responsibilities

 As with any good meeting, it should wrap with accountabilities and responsibilities.  It should also include a method for follow up. We all know it is easy to listen and absorb ideas when you’re in the moment, and then to forget them when your attention is inescapably averted.

 Make sure to schedule the last few minutes of the meeting for each of you to go through and say what you are obligating to and by what time frame it must be accomplished. In addition, for accountability and successful results this should also be followed up with an email from your team member to you, restating what has to actually happen in order to accomplish the task. Depending on the project, it also may be useful to set up a milestone to update each other in Google Docs.

 Manage to a structure

 Of course, all meetings are diverse, and you need to create a style that is feasible for you. That said, if you can find a structure and achieve it, you would discover that the conversations will fit into those expectations

 If you are able to follow all of the above suggestions, a good structure for a 45-minute, weekly one-on-one meeting is:

15 Minutes: What your direct report needs to raise with you, get approved, etc.

15 Minutes: What you need to raise with your direct, delegate, provide feedback on, etc.

10 Minutes: Free time to air any long-term concerns, progress toward development goals, etc.

5 Minutes: State accountabilities and make a plan for follow up

 As a side note, you will find that when you follow this type of organization, it becomes easier to provide constructive feedback and to address concerns before they become large problems. It also supports proactivity and strategic thinking because the team knows that they are expected to come to the table ready to share their thought and concerns.

 Why Use Mel Feller

Mel Feller is a business coach who helps individuals make the transition from full-time employee to successful entrepreneur.  A grandfather now, Mel Feller started his coaching business in 1990 to help other parents, employees and individual entrepreneurs deal with the sometimes-overwhelming prospect of starting a new business while still running a household or a job.   Prior to raising his family, as a single father, Mel Feller spent over two decades as Top Producing Real Estate Agent, corporate trainer and workshop leader and Chief of Staff to a United States Senator. Today Mel Feller offers a wide range of programs and services - from individual coaching, to seminars and keynote speeches. To contact Mel Feller, please visit his website http://www.melfellersuccessstories.com

Mel understands how to help people create momentum for change in their life and how to break through the barriers holding them back. He is a big believer in taking concrete steps forward every day.  Mel was stuck and more than once and so he knows firsthand how hard it can be to change your life to pursue your dreams, but he is living proof that it can be done.

 It is his mission to help you get into the life you dream about, to convince you that you can make a living doing what it is you want to be doing, to help you feel like you are living your purpose and in congruency with your values.

 “Truth telling, honesty, and candor: I loved you Mel Feller! You have so much energy and knowledge! I truly hope I get another opportunity to be coached by you. I see myself a little clearer now, and it’s not so bad.”

Lisa Mathews

 “Mel Feller you added more value than we can possibly see right now. Mel Feller, you are warm, inviting, and accommodating. Thank you for coming alongside us in this transition!”

Vanessa Cavanaugh

“Mel Feller the best education session that we have attended in many years! Thank you so much — I am very excited to put everything you have taught us into practice!”

Michael Randolph

 “Mr. Mel Feller, Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving a marvelous keynote at our Symposium! While we have not yet collected the official feedback, the unofficial feedback was that You Were a Hit! I heard nothing but compliments regarding your presentations. Thank you for making such a positive impact on our attendees! ”

Lyle Cunningham VP

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[being-worthy]

Don’t let them fool you!

A few months ago or so, I discovered an interesting article called Work for Loyal Employers. Life is too short for anything else. I asked myself are there still employers worth working for, if so where are they because let’s face it around 99% of the people just go to work because they have to and they’re not working for supervisors or a company who treat them right. This inspired me to write an honest review about one of the biggest companies of our time, a company everyone seems to have in high esteem - too high in my opinion - and people always look the other way when the company does something hideous, I’m talking about Apple.

There might be similar or worse conditions in other of their offices but this review is regarding the office in London in Piccadilly. I started to work for Apple as a contractor via an agency (Kelly Services, I wrote a separate review about them on Glassdoor) and remember well how full of dreams and innocence I was when I started my first day at Apple and now after having worked there for almost a year I’ve come out of there with my dreams crushed and a nearly dead mind because of the job - both of them thankfully recovering, albeit slowly.

At first, all supervisors are friendly, although some faked it so strongly that it cringes and are passive-aggressive to the point that it can make you sick to your stomach. If you’re a contractor and have an issue with your employer (the agency), such as late payment or no payment at all, don’t have any hopes that Apple will help you sort this out because they won’t even acknowledge you or the issue and prefer to do like it never happened or just tell you they’re your employer sort it out yourself with them. Apple’s way of saying we do not care whether you get paid or not whether you’re happy with your situation or not as long as you get your job done. Also, Apple didn’t seem have done any in-depth research about the agency prior to hiring them and it turned out that one of the biggest issues - inaccurate payment & no payment - was happening in all of the agency’s branches across the UK.

From the beginning, Apple will tell you that no matter if you’re a contractor or not, you’re part of the team and welcome any feedback. But the truth is that you’ll (the contractor) always be at the bottom of the food chain and the only type of feedback they welcome is the positive one. If you want to succeed and move forward in the company keep the real constructive feedback to yourself and if be ready to sell your soul and forget your ethics as well.

There’s a strict segregation regime like in the Middle Ages (the common folk and royalty) or like the racial segregation in the USA (black and white people) but at Apple it’s between the permanent staff and the contractors. This starts from the very beginning with the ID being a different colour compared to that of the permanent staff, first sign you’re not part of the team.

Forget about having any interaction with colleagues from other departments. In their eyes, you don’t exist and they won’t even acknowledge your existence. I’m not suggesting to talk about work because it’s not allowed and I fully understand this but not having the decency to say ‘good morning, how are you?’ back to someone who is talking to you and just treats you like you’re invisible/beneath them is disgusting, also the managers won’t sit and eat at the same table as you and this is not a joke, they’ll sit at their own table without any contractors in sight.

You’ll also be excluded from the company’s parties and they keep them highly classified and this one was a first for me. I’ve had my fair share of fixed-term jobs for many companies (big and small ones) and they all welcomed me to their parties, whether I had recently started or been there for years, whether I was a contractor part-time or full-time. E.g. during one of my FTC jobs, my senior told me the company was invited to an event (and it was quite a luxurious one too) and asked me if I wanted to assist as well and I was barely a week at the job! You can say that they might have the right not to invite contractors to their parties but this shows they don’t consider them part of the company/team.

Moreover, you’re not allowed to send parcels to the office. If you do, they’ll “kindly” ask you to not send any personal post/parcels to the office as they only can receive parcels related to Apple work as it’s “Apple’s policy”. Nonetheless, the permanent staff will constantly send stuff to the office, like clothes from H&M, gym products, things from Amazon, etc. So much for products only Apple-related ¬¬... The first time, you’ll get a warning but if it happens again they’ll refuse to take the parcel and it’ll be returned. As a contractor, I spent 40 hours a week at the company with only half an hour lunch break and some people have a long home journey (myself included) and wouldn’t make it on time to pick up the parcel because the post offices are already closed by then.

If you require specific work equipment due to a medical condition or similar no matter whether you were born with it or due to an accident, then strongly avoid Apple to work as a contractor. They’ll beat around the bush for months with back and forth emails, so that you eventually give up and forget about it, no matter if you’ve got a doctor’s letter stating you require it. They’ll find an excuse so as not to approve it, much less provide it, and go as far as saying ‘I think the doctor meant to say that you need something else’. If someone has a doctor’s letter confirming you’ve got a medical condition and for said condition, you require special equipment, what on Earth more do you require? A DNA sample? And how do you know what the doctor meant? Are you a doctor too now? Can you read minds? Firstly, it’s very hard to get an appointment, most of them are in 3 to 4 weeks’ time (if you’re lucky unless you can afford private medical healthcare) and until then you’re supposed to work as usual while being in constant pain? Secondly, if diverse body areas are affected you’ve to go to different doctors in the UK, meaning to book an appointment for each specialty doctor you’ve to see, and by the time you’ve got all documents they “require” months have already passed. No wonder that there isn’t a single person with a disability working at the company, so much for diversity at their workplace.

In addition, keeping up morale is the responsibility of the contractor ONLY, not of the company you work for too. You’ve to come up with ideas to improve the relationships - little info for Apple, the relationships between contractors are not the problem, it’s the lack of relationship, understanding, and support between contractor and Apple that is lacking, if not completely non-existent. It’s not surprising that the company DOES NOT care about you, even if you’re a great and hardworking employee and exceed in the assignments given, for them YOU ARE REPLACEABLE.

About the job itself. The job is easy, like incredibly easy. It’s so easy that your brain will reach a state similar to a coma while still being awake after only a few weeks (if not days) due to the constant repetition and lack of innovation/improvement for the tasks. However, policies can change rapidly and frequently even contradict themselves and if you ask for further clarification they’ll dismiss you or tell you the exact same information given by the policies you already read and make no sense.

Now to the part on how you succeed on becoming a permanent employee, even though they say this is impossible from day one. Well, if you really want to be part of the cult then follow these guidelines: don’t think outside the box, don’t look left or right and be close-minded, don’t ask for deeper clarification or further questions about a topic, go with their flow, become best buddies with the managers, inform on your colleagues - e.g. a work colleague is making a constructive comment about work, company, etc. or checking their phone while sitting on their desk while waiting for the work tools to load (which take ages by the way), then go and have a tête-à-tête with a manager about them, make sure to mention the employee’s name. At a certain stage, they’ll approach you and praise you for all your great espionage data, I mean feedback and “hard work” followed by an interview with other permanent staff from other countries where your ego will be molded to their vision and tell you that from now on you’re part of the higher-up and given the great power of prying on your colleagues and patrol the office to make sure only work-related tools are on display and the same for conversations - after all, this is kindergarten and someone has to breathe down your neck at all times.

No wonder when I was watching The Circle the first thing that came to my mind was ‘they should’ve called it Apple’. You can be as hard-working and punctual, kind and honest, always helping out others, even taking the responsibility of training others which is actually the managers’ job, and even excel at work and in all your tasks all you want because if you’re not ready to be submissive, forget your principles, and backstab your colleagues you will never be one of them.

These reasons might seem petty to some, particularly to those who think alike as Apple and are already under the spell of Apple’s indoctrination. Nevertheless, if you put them all together and imagine yourself going to work five days a week during a daily eight-hour shift where you see and experience these factors and many more day after day after day, you’ll realise that a job at Apple nor Apple itself is truly worth it and also shows, the bigger the company the less value an employee/contractor will have.

Please don’t think this review is coming from someone who is envious (yes, envious not jealous there’s a difference) for not being promoted or made permanent, and I know that my review might be fairly derogatory and too much for some to handle (probably too much for Apple too), but I don’t sugarcoat things particularly when it comes to the truth and Apple deserves it. Furthermore, I can happily and proudly say that I got a much better and permanent job offer at a company that highly values and greatly rewards their employees as well as gives them the opportunity to develop themselves and I don’t have to be an unscrupulous lowlife and can keep a clear conscience.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for backstabbing, two-faced politics, lies, hypocrisy, lack of recognition for hard work and dedication, no real employee value, and modernised and legal slavery, then by all means, Apple is your company.

Apple, your slogan is ‘think different’ but where is that different? You are a company that generates a revenue between $50-55 (or more) billion a year and pays only around 10% taxes on said amount (you might even surpass the trillion dollars soon), so why not bother in improving your work conditions and relationships among your permanent staff and contractors?

Peace out!

[lazilycybersalad-blog]

five Various Sorts Of Electrotherapy

Physiotherapy has innovative in past handful of decades and out of which, the Electrotherapy has turn out to be very well-known. Though many have read about it, only a few know about it and understands the diverse kinds of Electrotherapy. In this submit, we will drive you to different kinds of Electrotherapy that our SanCare Physiotherapy team use. What is electrotherapy? Mal de Parkinson Electro Therapy is a sort of treatment which is utilised as a technique of therapy with the help of gadgets operated by electrical energy. It will help to lower soreness, inflammation, muscle spasm and Oedema. It also will increase the blood circulation to advertise tissue healings and removal of metabolic squander items and to unwind the muscles. The Electro-Remedy is divided into 4 different types in accordance to its characteristics and functions one.Sound 2.Mild three.Electric 4.Diathermy 1. Audio Ultrasound Therapy is an ultrasonic treatment which is utilised for Therapeutic Advantages. The audio waves from the device get into the tissues to improve the nearby blood circulation which boosts the healing of wounded tissues, removing of metabolic squander and helps to launch the trigger details in the tissues. 2. Light-weight In this classification, the light-weight of diverse frequency and sort is produced using electro modalities. Then the light is utilised for the therapeutic needs. Subsequent are some of the sorts of Gentle Electro Therapy. a)Laser Therapy The LASER is an acronym for Gentle Amplification of Stimulated Emission of Radiation. It advantages Wound therapeutic, scar tissue management, ache aid, and musculoskeletal conditions like Tendinitis, Bursitis, Tennis elbow, golfers elbow, etc. b)Ultraviolet Rays Ultraviolet radiations are the electromagnetic strength which falls in between visible rays and X-rays and has a wavelength of 10 nm and four hundred nm. The ultraviolet rays are utilized for wound healing, Acne breakouts vulgaris treatment, Pressure Sores, Psoriasis, Alopecia, Counter irritation result and it also presents the individual a perception of basic wellbeing. Fisioterapia Motora c)Infrared Radiation Remedy The infra-purple rays are electromagnetic waves with the wavelengths of 750nm to 400000 nm. It lies beyond the pink boundary of the noticeable spectrum. It helps in relieving soreness, in muscle relaxation and in escalating blood provide. Hence, it fastens the healing approach of the wounds and injured tissues. 3. Electrical a) TENs Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation is a non-pharmacologic therapy for pain aid. Low electrical existing by way of electrodes are put on the pores and skin. It functions based on Ache gate principle, the place the ache stimuli are blocked from reaching the mind by Electrical stimulation from TENs. It is employed in one.Back Ache two.Neck Pain three.Joints Ache 4.Muscle Pain b) Electrical Muscle Stimulator Muscle mass calls for electrical like muscle stimuli from the brain to deal and go the body parts. The stimuli are reduce off from the brain to get to Muscle tissues in situations like Stroke, Spinal Twine Injury, and Peripheral nerve accidents. In this kind of situations, an artificial electrical stimulus of minimal-frequency currents is employed to encourage the muscle tissues. It will help for motor relearning, preserve muscle mass toughness, and it also assists for stimulation of sensory nerves. four. Diathermy a)Limited Wave Diathermy (SWD) b)Micro Wave Diathermy (MWD) Shortwave diathermy and Microwave diathermy are a system utilized to make large-frequency energy and high electromagnetic wave. Each have two method 1.Ongoing mode= Thermal Result. 2.Pulsed mode= Non-Thermal Effect. Due to its large-frequency strength and substantial electromagnetic wave, it stirs ions, molecules, membranes, and cells therefore rushing up phagocytic action, enzymatic exercise, and transportation throughout membranes. It would account for the obvious acceleration of inflammatory, cell division and as a result escalating the therapeutic procedure. It also increases blood circulation 85% much more in the location treated, consequently makes accessible to provide new blood much more than the usual and aids to take away metabolic squander which minimizes soreness caused thanks to an infection and metabolic waste. Thanks to its thermal impact and substantial electromagnetic wave, it is useful to prevent the wound from getting infected and also helps to deal with contaminated wounds. It also helps in reducing muscle mass spasm which is very discomforting and unpleasant. Conclusion To know various types of Electrotherapy is essential as it will give you the clear thought which to avail and request to your Physiotherapist to get rid of your soreness and situations. I hope you have recognized the fundamental information through this post. If you require any other additional details and intrigued in realizing much more, often really feel totally free to contact us.