#but at least the majority of modded armor will FINALLY fit me

[5mcsinatrenchcoat]

Guess who made a Dark Urge. Of the "the cutest murderer you've ever seen" variety.

A fallen-angel-blooded adorable amnesiac with unstable magic (wild magic sorcerer) and violent urges, what could go wrong?!

[crazynekochan]

Dangan Persona AU

Ideas for 3rd and 4th palace (may switch these around depending on plot progression)

3rd palace

Ruled by Akane Owari.

Captive is Nekomaru Nidai (trapped in eternal duel with Shadow Akane at the mountain top; will have stress-induced heart problem that will kill him if palace not completed in time).

Shadow manifests as her with monkey traits like Sun Wukong the Monkey King (because I think that she acts a lot like the Monkey King and basically every shounen protagonist based on them), very brutal and rather irreverent about anything other than food, friends, battle, and entertainment, with her boss form playing even more into the Monkey King comparison with her being knocked into a huge braiser before clambering out to be a huge, rampaging ape woman with red eyes and a shitton of anger she’s gonna take out on the party, using mostly physical attacks.

Palace resembles a mix of the paradise island of the Monkey King’s home and the Jade Emperor’s palace, showing that HPA is both a paradise and somewhere she can use to improve her lot in life for her family.

The party has to climb the mountain palace to get to the top where Shadow Akane and Nekomaru are having their faceoff. Right when they get to the top, Akane (real Akane) finally manages to climb up by herself from scaling the outside and tackling the Shadow her to try helping them. Didn’t work, because Shadow Akane is like a super-strong evil version and she knocks Akane out, then starts the battle.

4th palace

Ruled by Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu.

Captive is Peko Pekoyama (trapped in a very restrictive decorative armor somehow decorated like wedding gear in the boss room; will be unintentionally killed by the ongoing war outside trying to defend Fuyuhiko, with Fuyu soon following suit, if palace not finished in time).

Shadow manifests as him wearing a hakama and what looks like wedding gear that’s brutally torn between respecting Peko’s autonomy and using his authority to keep her with him forever out of fear that if he doesn’t, she’ll get herself killed that turns into a giant dragon demon in a nice fitted suit that starts being incredibly rude (a Groomzilla, if you will) and uses Wind/Psychic/Physical skills a lot.

Palace is a lovely traditional Japanese shrine/palace combo where an utter warzone is taking place outside and you can see scenes of Fuyuhiko and Peko’s story together on the way inside the shrine with major puzzles so that you can get in without getting hurt

When the party gets to the actual shrine, Fuyuhiko (real Fuyu) sneaks in and tries his best to get Peko out of the armor so that they can both escape while Shadow Fuyuhiko is busy dealing with a distraction provided by the party. But, unfortunately, Shadow Fuyuhiko is just a bit too clever and immediately rushes back to find “his bride” being “undressed” by his “weak and pathetic” true self. Shadow Fuyuhiko gives a very brutal “why you suck” speech to Fuyuhiko before trapping Peko in the shrine and attacking the party for the fight

After the fight, the shadow confesses that he was the weak one, never having the guts to ask Peko what she had wanted because he was scared that it would be to leave him or hurt herself because of him. He even mentions that it’s what got her killed once, and he was never going to let her do that again. Before anyone could get an answer for why he said that, they have to leave because the palace is falling apart. But still, it does leave a lot of questions

---

Mod:

(3rd Palace) I wouldn’t be surprised if the Monkey King was an inspiration for Akane, like for a ton of characters, since she’s to the core a super powerful and active person, who doesn’t like thinking very much but will eat without a break. So having it reflect in her Shadow resemble it is a good choice. Same with her Palace being something actually resembling a palace, since as you said for her HPA was nothing but pure luxury where things were so much better than her life before

Though they really need to get a move on to get Nekomaru out of there, cause he might be super fit, but his heart for sure will not keep up for that long and I really doubt that he has heart medications on him in the Palace. And that Akane doesn’t like to stop fighting even when defeated is nothing new. Though I can imagine that defeating her shadow must be one of the physically hardest battles, cause she is a seriously good and very fast fighter after all. While the only trained fighters the party has up until now are Sakura, Akane herself and Gundham (as far as I remember, but correct me if I’m wrong)

(4th Palace) No matter what anyone tries to say, Fuyuhiko would be the biggest Groomzilla there is because only the best is hardly good enough for Peko’s and his wedding. And if Fuyu still keeps on trying (and awfully failing) with hiding his crush on Peko after the more or less wedding his Shadow created I will personally hit him up the head

The party did have a good idea with trying to keep the Shadow distracted while Fuyuhiko tries to safely free Peko, cause Peko can’t move properly and she would absolutely try to go between them if the Shadow tries to attack Fuyu despite being unable to protect herself. If only it worked, but hey the Shadow is at least content enough with “only” attacking Fuyuhiko verbally, cause let’s be honest with his awful self-esteem that he tries to hide so desperately behind his bad boy façade, words for sure hurt him more than any physical attack ever could (I mean he cut open his gut without a 2nd thought to apologise)

I love that slowly the party is noticing that something is a bit off about what is going on with the Shadows. But they have yet to understand what it is. Though not sure if they will even like the truth (But it makes it more fun x) )

[gamesception]

Vanilla Necromancer, part 1

Looking to play some vidya game.  Mostly I want to play Outer Worlds, but I don’t trust my laptop to run it, and if I have to play it on console I’d rather wait for the switch port.  Was playing The terrible Kingdom Hearts gacha game, but it tricked me into spending money one to many times so it got the cold turkey.  I’ll still react to the rest of the story at some point, but right now I’m bitter so no.  And I’m busy lately, so I need something dumb & mindless that I won’t mind dropping when Outer Worlds does release, so I don’t want to mess with Witcher yet.  So... what to play?

Call me basic, because I am, but I always quite liked Skyrim, largely because necromancy is cool and Skyrim’s one of relatively few fantasy RPGs that let you go pretty hog wild with it.  Especially if you play it on PC modded to high heaven - perk overhauls that let you collect bones to build extra skeletons, expanded necromancy spells, playable lich transformation, re-worked college of winterhold to make playing a mage in general more interesting, build your own guild to recruit a necromantic coven, alternate faction alliances for non-hostile relationships with npc undead & necromancers, etc etc etc.

With all those mods tailored perfectly to my preferences, It’s maybe not surprising that, while I’ve played Skyrim a bunch, I haven’t played vanilla Skyrim since the game originally released.  But the convenient portability of the Switch is a good excuse to give it another go, and, looking back, even without all those mods it’s really surprising how much support there is for a Necromancer.  So here he is, Sellosus the Blind, named for a Necromancer D&D character I once ran who betrayed the party so spectacularly that he derailed the game completely and became the primary antagonist for the rest of the campaign.

We god a nice, crotchety, grey haired, big bearded, spooky eyed old man.  Fantastic necromancer mancer material right here.  Nord isn’t the best for caster, necromancy especially.  Dark Elf is probably the best there, Breton’s pretty close, but for all the characters I’ve run through this game, I’ve actually played through either side of the civil war plot arc.  So Sellosus will be a Nord, to better fit into the Stormcast side.

As usual, Alduin interrupts my execution.  Major goof on his part!.

Ralof and I escape from dragon and Imperials alike, and make our way towards Riverwood.

Along the way I attune the Mage Stone for an early game head start on leveling some of my key skills.  Ralof doesn’t approve, but it’s only temporary, so I’m sure he’ll get over it.

Of course, he’d approve of my main Standing Stone choice even less, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself

We reach Riverwood and meet with Ralof’s Sister Gerdur.  They ask me to head to Whiterun to ask the Jarl to send aid in case the dragon comes to.  Fair enough, but I’ve got a quick side errend to run first.  But that’ll wait for next post, if I feel motivated enough to continue.

So for the moment, here I am, Sellosus the Blind, novice necromancer.  Bit of a short start, so maybe I’ll throw in a few thoughts on this guy’s build.

Obviously Magicka’s going to be Sellosus’s primary stat.  Conjuration spells are pricey.  Eventually this guy is going to be throwing out multiple expendable lackies per combat and that cost adds up.  So lots of Magicka, relatively little Health, very little Stamina.  Since I’ll be wearing robes instead of armor for flavor and style he’s going to be very fragile, but that’s ok.  Once his primary skills are running properly he’s one of the safest builds in the game.  Speaking of...

Conjuration is obviously Sellosus’s primary skill.  All the explicitly necromantic spells are conjuration, as are most of the necromantic perks, both in terms of undead manipulation (summoning undead, animating corpses) and stealing souls to use for enchantment.  The school has four main lines of perks - boosting summoned elementals, boosting animated dead, enhancing conjured weapons, and discounting conjuration spells.

Sellosus will be summoning elementals a fair bit early on, but I won’t be taking any of those perks as in the long term undead use will replace all of that.  The undead enhancing tree sounds perfect but long term most of those abilities aren’t exactly worth while either... but Sellosus will still be taking them because the capstone ability to summon or animate two minions at once is amazing and a cornerstone of the entire build.  The conjured weapon tree will be useful as the bound bow spell will eventually be an acceptable in-school alternative to destruction spells for range damage, and one of the perks will automatically apply soul trap to targets hit by bound weapons, which is much more convenient than actively casting the spell in combat - though it will still have out of combat uses.  The discount line is useful because conjuration spells are just kind of pricey in general, and again Sellosus will eventually be throwing them about willy nilly.

Another key skill for Sellosus is Enchanting.  In Elder Scrolls games, enchanting magic items is an inherently necromantic endeavor, as the energy that powers those enchantments come from captured souls.  Which is pretty cool!  Eventually Sellosus’s mastery of soul magic will allow him to create magic equipment that far exceeds anything found in the game naturally... with maybe one or two key exceptions.  That’s relatively late game, though.  I won’t be bothering with Enchanting too much early on.

The skill’s perk tree has three main paths - one enhancing elemental effects - which I might bother with for protection but... eh.  Another enhances the use and recharge of magic weapons and that’s just not Sellosus either.  But the center line greatly enhances skill & stat augmentations on magic equipment you make, and that will be huge later on.

Another key skill for Sellosus will be Illusion, for a few reasons.  First is that one of the captsone abilities of Illusion is partially necromantic in nature - allowing illusion spells to affect undead (along with daedra & constructs) which are normally immune.  This will eventually allow Sellosus to pass through hordes of otherwise hostile draugers completely unhindered as the lesser undead fall under the sway of his dark magic.  Second is the relatively high level illusion perk that allows spells to be cast silently.  Combined with stealth enhancing illusion spells like muffle and invisibility, this will allow Sellosus to remain entirely unseen by enemies while conjuring wave after wave of summoned minions.  Third is to steal style points from one of the greatest undead arcanists in fiction, Adventure Time’s Lich.  The Lich was a powerful necromancer, but its greatest threat was the ability to manipulate the minds of those exposed to its magic.  With mastery of both illusion and conjuration, Sellosus will be able to turn his enemies against each other and then raise the corpses of whichever fall first to keep fighting until no enemies are left, making for a pretty sick play style all told.

Theskill tree has a discount line - useful because I’ll be casting the stealth spells a lot and they’re pretty pricey.  To maintain invisibility in combat I’ll have to re-cast it after every other action I take so yeah any discount there is appreciated.  Then there’s a line that enhances the level caps of the various types of offensive illusion and with the way they work those are pretty obligatory.  Finally there’s a line that enhances the effect against different creature types, and the silent casting perk falls in there, so once again obligatory.  Sellosus may end up getting every single illusion perk, the only skill tree where that’s likely despite conjuration and enchantment theoretically being more central to the theme.

Sellosus’s last key skill is restoration.  This is a fairly minor skill in the build as I don’t plan on casting a lot of restoration spells in combat.  Again, despite the low hit points, once the build is working it’s extremely safe.  If all goes well my enemies should be slaughtering each other before they even catch sight of me. 

However, there are a few perks in restoration that will prove essential.  The ability to heal stamina along with health when casting restoration spells will help a lot with Sellosus’s lack of stamina advancement.  More importantly the ‘Necromage’ perk enhances the affects of all of your spells when used against the undead.  With the overall tone of the restoration school, this is obviously intended for virtuous wizards to purge the undead from skyrim with their destruction spells, but for Sellosus?  Sellosus will eventually *be* undead himself, at which point that perk will enhance the effect of positive magics he uses on himself, including that of any magical equipment he creates for himself.

...

So that’s the build, or at least the plan for it.  Even just in the perk trees, that’s already a lot of necromantic goodness to enjoy, and I haven’t even really gotten into the spells, questlines, & magic items.  Something to talk about later, if I keep posting this.

[twitchesandstitches]

There are several main AUs I do on this blog, and they are very broad in scope, encompassing a wide variety of potential settings and scenario set ups. They can encompass my OCs, redesigns, fandom stuff, and all that in a single package, and that includes ‘non-canon’ one shots that have no connection to the AU besides setting.

While it’s incredibly unlikely that, at this point, any of my followers didn’t already follow me on my previous writing blog, there is nonetheless a possibility that I might get some new people here eventually. And then, they’re likely gonna be real confused when  I start talking about my AUs without context. And even if you do know all my ramblings about my AUs pretty well, it’s useful to have refreshers in case you forget stuff or want some info now and then. So real quick, I’m writing up some refreshers on my main AUs.

Firstly, Crossthicc AU. It is a massive crossover in the vein on Kingdom Hearts, or to be more specific, it is a kink-centric reworking of a more SFW fanfic I’m planning on doing eventually, with elements of this being reused in that. It takes place in a sprawling space opera type of sci fi with fantasy elements, and an epic adventure tone; mighty wars are decided by duels between champions, cities construct massive structures to harness the forces of magic or the psychic energy of living beings as a power source, giant mech suits and power armor exoskeletons are ubiquitous, and so forth.

BAsically, imagine a combination of Warhammer 40k, Eclipse Phase and a sci fi-themed version of Exalted, set against a multiverse cosmology based on Dungeons and Dragon’s Planescape. The technology levels, the general aesthetics and the overall feel flow from that, and then you Paragon the SHIT OUT OF IT. And that’s before the thicc-ness stuff comes in!

Taking place a great deal of time after a multiversal catastrophe that nearly spelled the end of existence itself and caused smaller reflections of such disaster across all the realms of existence, the AU proper focuses on a fleet of characters drawn from all across the fandoms I am personally familiar with or at least find interesting. This is an extremely small fleet, numbering from several hundred to a little under a thousand people depending on where in the timeline it takes place; their number of ships are undefined, but probably not very many, and are a mixture of the Quarian Migrant Fleet from Mass Effect and the Scum sub-culture of Eclipse Phase - which is likely also a thing in-universe. Their ships are mainly refurbished cargo barges, space buses and the occasional colony ship, mostly automated and run by summoned spirit friends to make up for their lack of numbers. This ships are all living machine-beings, vast AIs or networks of thinking machines, and can choose to transform into gigantic hyper curvy robot ladies in times of great need, but rarely do so.

The fleet came together from the survivors of many broken or damaged worlds, banding together for survival and growing closer, eventually stabilizing into a sort of weird family. Fiercely loyal to one another, coming to appreciate adventure and enjoying the relative stability, they have been journeying as cosmic nomads for several years now, having had many children together and growing in power, and over time they have noticed some things… off about the cosmos. There have been hints, in ruins and half-destroyed records dating back thousands of years, and they have come to the conclusion that the cataclysms that wrecked the multiverse was not random events but an active scheme.

And they are coming to the attention of whatever caused that disaster in the first place; they refer to this mysterious force as the conspiracy, but know little of who this conspiracy, their purpose or anything beside the horrors they have committed.

Over time, the fleet has become a strongly paragon-themed organization of heroes, champions of righteousness, seeking to be perfect heroes all the time… all while being extremely eccentric and quirky weirdos, as prone to flying off on rants about peanut butter when they were supposed to give a moving speech on heroism. In any conflict they will usually side towards which resolution does the least harm, and fighting tyrants is something of a hobby of theirs. That, and collecting incredibly pissed off conspiracies presumably unrelated to the Big One they are learning about.

The fleet - or specifically, their number one champion - is in possession of a powerful relic called the Eupeptic Gestat. It’s loosely based on the Keyblade, but is essentially a vore/hyper pregnancy themed artifact with powers based on Fullmetal Alchemist’s take on alchemy, with the ability to absorb almost anything and gain new powers based on what it absorbs, and allows the fleet to craft new powers from those, distilling them mostly into adorable Pokemon-like creatures that members of the crew can fuse with to gain their powers. By mixing and matching their abilities, the members of the crew can gain an enormous number of powers, as well as gain mutations to sculpt their bodies into whatever they please, though often with some unexpected frailties.

Note that this powers always involve some variety of physical mutation; get fire powers, your arms erupt into volcanic flame and your skin is living fire, your eyes burning like stars. These mutations are not subtle, they’re not pretty, and they’re usually pretty weird. Combining powers will get some very odd results, and likely induce additional frailties or limitations in exchange for greater potential.

The crew itself is highly diverse, with humans forming a distinct minority in it. Name a species from a fandom somewhere, they are probably present. Orcs of all kinds, elves and more. Dragons shapeshifting into more mundane forms, robots of every single conceivable function and form happy to be part of a group that welcomes them as family. Transformers - mostly Autobots - are giant guardians to their smaller kin. Gems of many castes, and plenty of them permanent fusions with one another. Asari, krogan and Geth from Mass Effect form a major contingent, as do a wide variety of monster girls and boys.

Whatever they are, though, the women of this crew - and the men, to a lesser degree - will get bigger.

As they grow more powerful and benefit from the powers granted to them, the women of the crew invariably grow more hyper curvaceous. Their breasts swell to enormous sizes and absurd milkiness (and this milk often has its own properties, based on the heroine’s other abilities or personality traits), they tend to become rather more fit, their hips expand to couch-destroying sizes with butts to match. This curve growth never really stops, though the precise extremes are an entirely personal decision; the biggest girls are generally the most powerful as well. They tend to grow much, much larger over time, inevitably becoming giantesses dozens of feet tall when they power up, and this too has no real limit.

Additionally, they gain a number of abilities related to pregnancy and other traits should they allow the Gestat to imbue them with its powers. It’s devouring-based abilities grant almost anyone the ability to consume other things, metaphorically or otherwise. THis can be absorbing energy or specific forms of matter and empowering yourself with them, or very literal; the power to swallow things whole and digest virtually anything. This is universal among most of the crew. But it expands their fertility, allowing them to do things such as give birth by materializing them in a spirit bubble, summoning powerful entities by gestating them within their bodies, absorbing allies and healing those allies within their own fertile wombs and possibly imbuing them with their own powers.

Additionally, they have no limitations on how many children they can have at once, gestating dozens at once without issue, and eventually even spontaneously generating them by just being around other people; no sex required or needed. They also act as living crucibles or cauldrons, distilling powers imbued into them within their bodies and refining them into a more complete form that can be used for other purposes, with the mother’s own quirks in it. And with every child they give birth to or other application of their powers, they become more powerful, so that the crew is largely dominated by absolutely massive, impossibly curvaceous, motherly heroines.

Becoming a MILFy, ravenous giantess is thus part of the package. Men can and do benefit from these abilities as well, often as support to their much more powerful counterparts; dad bods and buff bara types, as well as extreme femboys, are VERY common.

Finally, the crew constantly experiments with self-modification, using blends of magical ability, scientific procedures, cybernetic augmentation and biological trickery to create a variety of what they call ‘mods’, which can alter their bodies in specific ways. Using traits harnessed from the many species of the galaxy, along with specific aspects of the powers they have built, members of the crew can have almost any appearance or alteration that pleases them; exoskeletons, enhanced muscle fibers, horns, claws, gills, fangs, completely new morphologies and robot-ization are all examples of this.

Monster girl/boy/non-binary transformations are included in this, of any sort. By combining traits from many different species, you can get all kinds of monstrous forms even without using additional powers. Usually this is done for an edge in combat, but some just like being monstery.

They can also do mods that give other people hyper fertility, all manner of biological transformations or otherwise enable kink transformations of any kind, often tied to a power of some sort. One way they fund themselves is by selling these mods at worlds they visit.

(This means, yup, there are dispensing machines that sell mega-buff energy drinks, chocolate milk that makes you a curvaceous MILF who LITERALLY lactates liquid chocolate, and sodas that turn you into a liquid monster person.)

It should be noted these mods are permanent, and there is no resetting to a default state; in order to change back, you have to undertake procedures to transform you into something like your original state.

Now that the fun transformation stuff is clarified, what does the fleet actually do? Mostly they bounce around from world to world, racing through the tides of the spirit world and relying on their magically powerful navigators to guide them to new galaxies in this faster than light travel, searching for a new world to call home or a means to create their own homeworld. They get involved in archaeological mysteries, wind up in the middle of fight with warlords and empires, and if they don’t have at least one epic space battle a week, it's been a really slow week.

Among other things, they have a rival in a crew of space pirates, and it's a mostly friendly rivalry, a blackrom on an organizational scale, and they compete for resources, treasure, ancient lore and the secrets to great wealth or fame. This pirate crew likely outnumbers them, though the crew’s abilities are a potent force multiplier.

Less friendly is a resurgent military from the distant past, led by a fearsome general of a long-defunct empire, who has reclaimed a powerful gauntlet and seen the situation the universe is in, and intends to bring it to endless war and conflict to force it to become stronger and break the cycles of stagnancy. To this end, he has gathered together a vast legion of like-minded warriors, bloodthirsty warmongers, soldiers enamored with war as a solution, and others of that nature. The fleet and this legion constantly but heads, and while they do sometimes work together, their goals are completely opposite. Eventually, tensions will come to a head.

The conspiracy, as stated above, is likely their biggest threat but none of them know much about this force besides that it does exist and is responsible, directly or otherwise, for the cataclysms that nearly ended reality as they know it. They have some apparent connection to the fiends of the realms of pure evil, a wide variety of strange and loathsome entities, and appear to be bankrolling a vast majority of destructive agencies across the multiverse. Why they are doing this is unknown, but they are a persistent thorn in the fleet’s side, presently too large to even notice the fleet as yet.

There are also a very wide variety of monsters and beasts the crew faces on an almost daily level. They range from kaiju-sized monsters that savagely attack everything in sight and seem to warp reality as a matter of just being there, to ethereal horrors that devour everything and constantly grow bigger until they can eat stars and swell up into spaceship-sized monsters that sail across space and devour planets, to destructive fiends that colease out of hatred and negative emotion to just make things worse on everyone. Most of these are the ‘take them out, guilt free’ kind of brutes just there for good action scenes, or acting as the minions of some other greater force.

[unfolded73]

This Graceful Path (5/19)

Summary: Emma has just moved in with Mary Margaret and started working as a deputy in the Storybrooke sheriff’s department when she meets Killian Jones, the town’s introverted harbormaster. When a prominent Storybrooke resident is found murdered, Emma tries to juggle solving the case with new friendships, parenthood, and romance. A Season 1 Cursed!Killian AU.

Rating: Explicit per CSBB guidelines (violence, sex); more of an M on unfolded73’s scale. The sex, when we get there, is not extremely graphic in nature. Same with the violence.

Content Warning: This fic contains two major character deaths, one canon and one not. (You’re already past them.)

Total word count: ~ 75,000

Acknowledgements: Thank you to @j-philly-b for betaing this monstrosity. Thank you to @caprelloidea for all of the read-throughs and cheerleading; not sure I could have written it without your excitement early on. Thank you to @teruel-a-witch for the original prompt on tumblr which sparked this fic. Thank you to @pompeiiablaze for the wonderful art which accompanies Chapter 3 and also will accompany later chapters. Thanks to the CSBB mods (@sambethe in particular, who had to look at my check-ins) for your support and for enduring my neuroses.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 – AO3 Link

Chapter 5

Regina Mills thought of makeup like armor.

She stood in front of her bathroom mirror, carefully drawing a black line across the edge of her eyelid, unflinching as the tip of the eyeliner pen traced from left to right. She repeated the process on the other eye.

Tonight was about power. The balance of power had undergone a seismic shift in Storybrooke the moment that Gold breathed his last, and Regina had spent too long hanging back and waiting for the new Dark One to show himself, to make a mistake. Waiting for someone else to take care of the problem for her, thinking that somehow the mundane law enforcement process of the Land Without Magic would deal with things without her having to lift a finger. Now was the time to stop waiting. Now was the time to go out and take the power while things were still in flux. Make it clear that she was the one who controlled this town now, curse or not.

She finished, as always, with lipstick: the most perfect red, the color of the apples that adorned the tree in her backyard. Pressing her lips together, she gave herself one more critical look in the mirror before she put her lipstick away and stepped out of the bathroom, armor in place. Running her hands down the form-fitting black dress she wore, Regina walked down the hallway and cracked open the door to Henry’s room, letting a thin shaft of light fall across his sleeping face. His chest rose and fell as he dozed on, unaware of what Regina was about to let into their house. Slowly and carefully, she pulled the door closed.

She detoured by the wine rack, selecting a Cabernet before moving on into the kitchen. Pulling down two wine glasses from the cabinet, she set them down on the marble surface just as she heard a tapping on the front door. Smiling her best smile, Regina walked into the foyer and opened the door to greet her late evening visitor. “Killian, how are you?” She stepped back and beckoned him into the house.

“Confused as to why you summoned me here, Madam Mayor.”

“Please, it’s Regina.” She watched as he looked around the foyer of her mansion, taking in the high ceiling and the grand staircase. “And I summoned you here because I thought it was past time to get to know the man that my son speaks of so highly.” She walked back toward the kitchen, expecting that he would follow. He did. “Would you like some wine? I was just opening some.”

He shrugged. “Don’t go to any trouble.”

“It’s no trouble. I like to have a glass in the evening, but I have no one to share it with most of the time.” She pulled a corkscrew from one of the drawers and smoothly twisted it into the wine bottle.

“Henry’s spoken of me, has he?”

Regina plastered on a sweet smile as she poured wine into the glasses. “He seems to admire you a great deal; your love of books, for example. I can’t thank you enough for lending him things to read. He’s a very solitary boy, as you’ve probably noticed.” She handed him a glass.

“Aye. Although he seems much happier since his birth mother came to town.”

Regina held her smile, feeling the wide bowl of the wine glass give slightly under her clenching fingers.

“It’s very big of you, allowing him to spend time with her,” Killian went on. Before she could respond, her cell phone started to ring.

She looked at the screen and rolled her eyes before accepting the call. “I’m sorry, Killian, I have to take this. Yes, Sidney.”

“Mayor Mills,” Sidney said, a slight tremor in his voice. “I got your message.”

She set her wine down. “Yes?”

“You want me to run for sheriff?”

“That’s what I said. I don’t make a habit of joking, do I?”

“No, of course not, but… I’m a newspaper man. I don’t know the first thing about being a sheriff.” His shaky, obsequious tone made her fist clench as she envisioned engulfing him with a fireball.

“You investigate things, don’t you? Then you already know more about it than Emma Swan does.” She drummed her fingernails on the countertop with impatience. “She’s a criminal, and inexperienced—”

“She worked as a bail bondsperson, that’s—”

“Don’t interrupt me, Sidney. You’re running for sheriff. Understood?”

There was a pause. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I have to go. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.” She ended the call and tossed her phone down. Regina took a sip of her wine, watching as Killian did the same. “I heard that Miss Swan questioned you about Gold’s murder; what a terrible business.”

“Aye, she had heard somewhere that I hated him. Can’t imagine what would have given her that idea.”

“Let’s be honest, Killian. We’re all friends here.” She took a step closer to him, her voice dropping. “A lot of people hated Gold, and a lot of people are better off now that he’s not in the world. Do you take my meaning?”

He set his glass down. “I don’t, actually.”

She smiled, her hand moving to touch his arm. “I mean, sometimes things like this happen for the greater good. Some things transcend the laws of this… pitiful world. It may be that, according to some higher law, the person who killed Mr. Gold deserves a medal, not a prison term.”

Regina watched his eyes carefully, but she could see no dawning understanding there, only confusion. “Well, when you find the person who did this, you can try to give him a medal, but I’m thinking Emma’s going to be more interested in serving up that prison term.” He took a step backward, putting some space between them. “So it’s a good thing I’m innocent. I’m not interested in either.”

Resisting the urge to pick up her wine and smash it down on the floor, Regina crossed her arms. “You are innocent, aren’t you? Or perhaps… unaware.” She stalked closer again, backing him into the countertop behind him. “Unaware of the dark power lurking inside you, hmm?”

The flash of fear in his eyes made her heart sing. “Why are you saying these things to me?”

“When you killed him, when you finally got your revenge on the Dark One after all those wasted years, what did you do with the dagger? Where did you hide it… Hook?”

He shook his head in denial, his hand starting to shake. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t kill anyone. Not good form… It’s not good form.”

“Somewhere in that curse-addled brain of yours is the information I need. But how. To get. It out,” she said, punctuating every other word with a thump of her knuckle on Killian’s forehead.

He ducked away from her, his face going suddenly very pale, and Regina wondered with annoyance what she would do with him if he passed out on the floor of her kitchen. Perhaps if he went completely mad, she could lock him up in the mental ward of the hospital, she mused. That would at least get him out of her hair while she conducted her own search for the Dark One’s dagger. But it would also guarantee that if the curse did break, if Emma Swan really was who Regina feared she was, Regina would have made herself a powerful enemy. Better to bide her time, and keep this sniveling, pitiful, nascent Dark One on her side.

She plastered on her fake smile again. “I apologize, Killian; I’m under a lot of pressure lately, and it’s starting to get to me a little bit. You can understand that, can’t you?” She picked up his glass and held it out to him. “Here, have some more wine.”

“If it’s all the same to you, Mayor Mills, I’d just as soon take my leave of you. I’m feeling quite ill all of a sudden.”

“Oh, of course, Killian. You’re free to go.” For now.

~*~

He tossed in his sweat-soaked sheets, trying in vain once again to find his way into sleep. It was like trying to dive off the end of a pier: putting his hands over his head, leaning over and launching his body into the water, only to find himself sprawled out on the hard wooden boards a moment later, sore and broken from the attempt.

And then when Killian did manage to plunge into the water, it was filled with monsters.

His dreams were unrelenting, technicolor horrors that left him sweating and gasping when he could finally pull himself above the surface. He saw his left hand lying on the deck of a ship like some dying sea creature as blood spurted from his wrist in a red parabola. He held a woman who looked like Milah in his arms and watched as the light of life died from her eyes, felt the numb certainty that her death was the end of everything good in his life. He saw himself, drunk and ruthless and cruel, forcing a terrified man to walk off the end of a plank into the murky depths of the ocean. Saw himself sink a knife into his own father’s gut.

He stabbed and stabbed, glorious great flesh-rending gashes as the life of the Crocodile drained out of him. The dagger sat heavy in his hand, the intricate hilt marking patterns into his palm.

Some of the dreams made a sort of sense. He had lost his hand in a sailing accident, that’s what he was seeing. But why did he dream over and over of Milah in such unusual garments? Why were his dreams so vivid with men cowering before his command when no such thing had ever occurred?

Blood ran down the dagger, blood coated his hand and soaked the sleeve of his shirt. He held the dagger up in the dim light, saw it waver as the writing on it disappeared. Saw it replaced by something else.

“You’re cracking up… mate.”

Killian sat up, jerking away from the hallucination that had materialized in his bedroom. He wrapped his arms around his legs, pressed his closed eyes against his knees until he saw white spots bloom behind his eyelids. “You’re not real. Not real, not real, not real,” he repeated out loud.

“I’m in your head,” the creature said. “Not the same thing as not being real.”

He looked up and saw the beast that had visited him before: the scaly, iridescent skin, the yellowed teeth, the clawlike fingernails waving at him impishly.

“Hello,” it said.

“Begone, demon.”

“Not so fast. I need to tell you some things first.”

Killian dragged himself out of bed, giving the apparition a wide berth as he left the bedroom. The chill of the apartment combined with his sweat-damp t-shirt set him shivering. He stumbled over to the kitchen, pulling a tumbler down from the cabinet with a trembling hand. More rum ended up on the counter than in the glass, but after he drained his first pour dry, Killian was able to put more rum in the glass with a steadier hand.

“You may have no recollection of what you did, but the queen has your number. She knows, but she’s going to bide her time. We’ll have to deal with her eventually, but best to wait on that. You’re not strong enough to face her. Not now. Not like this,” the beast said with distaste.

“Not real,” Killian whispered, taking another drink.

“But there are other problems,” the beast continued conversationally as if it wasn’t speaking to a man who had lost his last connection to reality. “If the queen controls the sheriff, then she controls your fate. We need to put a stop to that.” The creature uttered a horrifying giggle. “Sidney Glass was born to be a pawn; we just need to take control of the pawn for ourselves. I think even you can manage that.”

Killian felt rather than saw the apparition disappear.

~*~

Emma’s eyes raked over the chalkboard menu at Storybrooke Coffee Company. She desperately needed coffee before work, and she was getting a little tired of the standard diner coffee that Granny’s had to offer. She didn’t have much discretionary income, but today a three dollar mocha felt necessary to surviving the day.

She was stirring sugar into her cup when David Nolan walked in. They eyes met, and she smiled awkwardly.

What do you say to the guy who broke your roommate’s heart? she wondered. It’s not like she and David really knew each other that well; they’d only spoken a couple of times. Aside from the fact that he’d been in a coma and was in an unhappy marriage, she knew very little about him. He wore a flannel shirt, jeans, and a pair of practical work boots, and he walked up to the counter with a charming grin for the barista.

While he waited for his skim latte to be made, he shuffled over next to her. “How are you, Emma?”

She shrugged. “I’m okay, I guess. Sleep deprived thanks to the hours I’ve been working. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?”

“It was fine,” he said, but she saw sadness in his eyes. “Did you spend yours with… Mary Margaret?”

“Yeah.” She realized she was still absently stirring her coffee, and she tossed the wooden stirrer in the garbage with an eye roll for herself. “I thought you usually got your coffee at Granny’s,” she said, remembering when he and Mary Margaret had both been arranging to be there at 7:15 in the morning just to catch sight of each other.

“I did,” he said, glancing around. “But I… was afraid people were starting to talk.”

Emma decided to change the subject. “You work at the animal shelter, right?”

“That’s right.” He smiled agreeably. “It’s not glamorous and it doesn’t pay much, but I find it rewarding.”

“Graham used to volunteer there,” she said, and she was a little bit horrified to realize there were tears welling behind her eyes. Oh right, the other symptom of her lack of sleep — sudden and unexpected sadness.

“He did,” David agreed. “He had a way with the dogs. I’m sorry about what happened.” His eyes pierced into hers, and inexplicably, Emma felt a little bit better. “He was a good man.”

“He was.” The barista called his name, and David turned and walked over to get his coffee. She watched him; a strong guy, built like a farmer, like he’d be able to hold his own in a fight.

“Hey, David,” she called as she tried to press the lid back on her coffee cup without losing control of it and spilling it all over herself. He faced her, his expression expectant and pleasant. “Have you ever thought about doing anything different? I mean, besides working at the animal shelter?”

“Sure, I’ve thought about it; they can’t afford to pay me full-time. Like what?”

“Like being a sheriff’s deputy?” She wrung her hands together, suddenly nervous. “With Graham gone, I need help. I mean, I could probably only bring you on part-time at first, but once I officially take over as sheriff, I might be able to make it full-time. If you’re interested.” She felt a twinge of worry that she was betraying Mary Margaret by asking David to work for her, but he was the only person in Storybrooke she had met who seemed like he would be remotely useful in the job. Mary Margaret would have to deal.

He grinned. “Well, sure I’m interested, but why me?”

“I don’t know, you seem like you’d be suited for it. And there’s a lot to do and I’m all by myself there; I mean Graham had only hired me a month ago and suddenly I’m in charge.” She clenched her fist, letting the feeling of her fingernails digging into her palm distract from the stress and sadness she was feeling. She forced herself to laugh. “So what do you say? Can I hire you?”

~*~

“I have to admit, I imagined a little more action with this job and a little less reading,” David said, rubbing his eyes with a thumb and forefinger.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Emma said, stretching her back out and trying to find a position where it wouldn’t ache. “This is the only thing I can think to do at this point.” They were carefully going through all of Gold’s real estate holdings, matching them up against records of rental payments from the townspeople of Storybrooke to see if anyone owed Gold money. It was slow and terrifically painstaking work. Hours of reviewing documents had led to a very short list of names, and even those people had only been delayed in a few payments. No one owed Gold money for any length of time, which in and of itself was interesting; with so many tenants, it seemed likely that some fraction of them would have been delinquent in their payments. She wondered what Gold did to get the money he was owed so consistently.

Emma pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stave off a headache, and flipped to the next deed. It was for a plot of land with a cabin on the property, and the address caught her eye for being quite different from any of the others she had been looking at: 10250 Rt. 83. That couldn’t be anywhere near the rest of the homes in town.

“David, do you see any tenant records for 10250 on Route 83?”

He flipped through the manila folders, then flipped through them a second time. “Nope, none.”

Emma pulled the plat map book that she’d borrowed from the town records office over and studied the index, then turned to the appropriate page. “Huh.”

“What is it?”

Standing up, she carried the book over to the detailed map of Storybrooke that was up on the wall of the sheriff’s station. “Gold had a cabin not that far from where his body was found. A cabin that he didn’t seem to be renting to anyone.”

David stood up and joined her at the map. “Do you think there could be a clue there?”

“Yeah, I mean, he was out there with a shovel, and we still don’t know what he was trying to bury. Maybe there’s a clue at the cabin that will help us understand what happened that day?”

Pulling his coat on, David grinned at her. “Well, what are we waiting for, Sheriff? Let’s go.”

“I’m not the sheriff, not yet. Regina’s already threatened to get someone to run against me,” she said as they climbed into the police cruiser outside the station.

He scoffed. “From what I’ve seen so far, you’re an excellent sheriff, Emma.”

“You’ve been working for me for two days, David.” But still, she couldn’t help smiling as they drove to the outskirts of town.

With David’s help navigating, they found the route to the cabin without too much trouble, pulling onto a dirt track that Emma probably wouldn’t have noticed if they hadn’t been looking for it. At the end of it, they found a rustic cabin, as well as Gold’s black Cadillac.

“Well, that solves that mystery at least,” Emma said. “All this time and no one knew where his car was.”

“How far is this from where the body was found?” David asked.

“Not far,” she said, studying the trail map she’d brought. “It’s maybe a quarter of a mile through those trees,” she said, pointing.

The inside of the cabin was extremely basic. Mostly just a single room with dark paneled walls decorated with deer antlers. Wrinkling her nose, Emma looked around. She couldn’t see any evidence that Gold had left anything here.

“I’ll go check Gold’s car while you look around in here,” David offered, and she agreed.

They found was one small bedroom and a bathroom, but both seemed as barren and unlived in as the rest of the cabin. She clicked the light on in the bathroom and took a quick glance around, and was about to turn it back off when something caught her eye. On the tiled floor, next to the sink, was a single, perfect drop of what looked like dried blood. Bingo.

Emma ran for the front door. “David? Get the evidence kits.”

Her hands shook as she pulled the nitrile gloves on, her palms sweating and making it all the more difficult to get the damned things on correctly. Finally, she managed it, and dropped to her knees, photographing the droplet of blood from several angles before she carefully scraped it up into a small plastic tube that she could cap and label. David watched her from the doorway to the bathroom.

“Wow, you really know what you’re doing,” he commented.

She laughed uneasily. “Not really, but I fake it pretty well. Do you see any more blood anywhere?”

“No.” They both looked around before agreeing that there were no more droplets of blood. “So what if it is Gold’s blood? He owned this cabin; what will that prove?”

“Nothing, but maybe it’s not Gold’s blood. Maybe it’s the killer’s blood. Maybe they fought and Gold managed to injure the person who attacked him.” Emma stood up. “Okay, let me spray the luminol.”

David handed it to her out of the bag. “Go for it.”

Emma sprayed the sink and the floor around the sink with luminol before handing it back to David, who held up the black light and turned it on. “Okay, here goes nothing,” she said, flipping off the light switch.

They both stared at the sink for a while. “Holy shit,” Emma finally said.

“I’d say someone washed off a lot of blood here,” David commented. The basin of the sink glowed blue. As did several spots on the floor. Emma took pictures of all of it before they turned the lights back on.

“So whoever killed Gold came to the nearest place they could to clean up, and washed the blood off their hands here,” she said, pacing back into the main part of the cabin and pulling her gloves off.

“Looks like it.”

“Okay, let’s back up a minute. Gold drove out here because he wanted to dig something up or bury something, right? So how did the killer find him? Was it someone Gold trusted, did they come in his car together?”

“Maybe the killer followed Gold out here in another car?” David asked, running a hand through his hair.

“That could be.” She took a breath and let it out. “So I just have to check every car in Storybrooke for any additional blood traces.” Emma dropped onto the sofa and put her head in her hands.

They searched the rest of the cabin but didn’t turn up anything else. The initial rush that had come with discovering the cabin and Gold’s car and the blood drained away, leaving Emma feeling tired and hollowed out. For as much as they’d learned, she didn’t feel like she was any closer to finding the murderer.

Chapter 6

[concentratedevil]

More Thoughts on Breath of the Wild and Game Design Sins

You know, I'm really happy if people think the new Zelda game is just the bee's knees. Good on them if they love it (but fuck any of them who attack people for their own opinions on the game).

I'm still going to complain about weapon durability and the annoyance of maintaining stamina though. I'm glad to see others say that weapon durability is bullshit. It makes all of the gear you get feel inconsequential and meaningless. Who cares if you get a new lightning sword? It's just going to break eventually making it feel just as disposable as the other trash you pick up off the ground. Even the Master Sword feels severely neutered because it's kind of weak in the first place and it needs time to "recharge" after being swung a few times.

I'm a little frustrated with myself since I've been harping on the shortcomings of Breath of the Wild more than I've been praising it for what it does right. So before I dive into the second subject of this essay, here are somethings I think BotW does well.

It allows you to come up with clever solutions for puzzles and defeating enemies. Even watching Nintendo's three part YouTube series on the making of Breath of the Wild, I discovered a couple of ingenious ideas. For instance, lighting a field of grass on fire so that it creates an updraft and using that updraft to allow you to take on a group of enemies with an aerial assault. Cool stuff.

The shrine puzzles are mostly great. Some of the more clever puzzles I've seen in a Zelda game in a while. While going forward I think I'd like to see these incorporated into more standard dungeons again (versus an environment that always looks the same), at this point most of the puzzles are clever enough that I don't mind. Also shrines serve as fast travel points, so I understand the decision to spread them out like they are.

The story is paced well since you can get to it whenever you feel like. While it isn't a great story, it's serviceable. And at least it's not like Twilight Princess where it forces you to deal with a painfully boring introduction which is filled with the most mundane tasks. Breath of the Wild lets you play the game and that's definitely worth praising. Please, Nintendo: Don't ever go back!

It allows you to change your armor to fit your situation. I'm not really missing the standard tunics this go around because armor is much more flexible and has multiple purposes. Whether you want to sneak or protect yourself from the elements or you just want high defense, there's something for you to wear. And if you do miss the classic Zelda tunics, several Amiibo will unlock classic Zelda costumes. I'm working on the Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker, and NES Link armor sets right now. I'm also looking forward to getting the Dark Link costume. (Also armor doesn't break! ... except for shields)

Cooking and creating elixirs is a nice change of pace from praying that a heart will drop when you need health. In one sense, it does make the game easier if you have a pack filled with food, but it's up to the player to abuse the system if they want. You're free to go hungry and pray for the best if you'd rather play that way.

The blatant Freudian nature of Link's relationship between himself and the Great Fairies is off the charts. I think this part of the game is hilarious. The game is even pretty blatant about it if you pay attention to what the fairies are saying. Lots of jabs at masculinity and making men feel small next to a powerful woman. It's so ridiculous and great.

The four major dungeons are pretty good and make you feel smart when you solve some of their puzzles. While I'd like if they didn't all look the same, they're pretty good dungeons that aren't too long or too short. Also, the special skills you get for beating them are pretty cool. I would greatly recommend doing the Rito and Zora dungeons first since those skills are the most useful.

The four special skills you get at the beginning of the game that replaces the traditional Zelda equipment are pretty good. They are remote bombs, magnesis, stasis, and freeze. And instead of being limited resources, they're closer to how equipment is in A Link Between Worlds where you basically have infinite uses, you just have to wait a little tiny bit before you're able to use the skills again. I don't even miss series staples like the Hookshot since I feel I have a good arsenal of tools that help me solve problems.

I like that Breath of the Wild doesn't force any Zelda shared timeline stuff. That idea was dumb in the first place. Why can't a game stand alone even if it's part of a series? Bless your heart if you think all of the Mario games are connected too.

I like getting to a vantage point (say the regional watchtowers or a tall mountain range), scoping out the land, and then using the glider to travel to your next destination. This is pretty fun and thankfully stamina doesn't drain super fast when gliding.

I like that you get to choose where you want to go and what you want to do next. Outside of the four tutorial shrines at the beginning, there's no set linear path that you have to embark on. Breath of the Wild does an even better job of this than A Link to the Past since you get all the traversal tools you'll need at the beginning of the game so there isn't a dungeon-specific item blocking your path to progress.

Now for my list of "game design sins" -- or, more accurately: "shit I find annoying in games".

Equipment durability: Worrying about equipment breaking is never fun. It makes me not want to use what I have. It causes needless anxiety. It makes me want to install mods.

Stamina/limited running: Especially in vast games where you do a lot of running from location to location. This is very annoying and makes playing a game more grueling than it should be.

Unskippable/unpausable cutscenes

Season passes for DLC: Often the contents are not even revealed and game companies ask that players take a gamble that the season pass will deliver... something.

A disrespect for the player's time: Dialogue/cutscenes that go on for too long. Excessive grinding. Boring/required tutorials. Banal fetch quests. Long introductions. Long load times. Lack of checkpoints and autosaves.

Pre-order bonuses/exclusive content

Unable to change button mapping: At least let me change whether the analog sticks are normal or inverted! Most games are good about this now though. I'm hoping that Final Fantasy XII HD remembers to fix this...

Run buttons in 3D games: There's an analog stick that gives players the range to walk and run. Use it! If Super Mario 64 figured it out in 1996...

Games with only one save file: I'm thinking of Pokemon in particular. You can't play the game over again without erasing all of your progress. While the Pokemon Bank eliminates a portion of this annoyance, I don't see a reason that you shouldn't be able to replay a game if you want to.

Squeaky anime voices/bad voice acting in general: I'd greatly prefer to read anyway (theater of the mind!). Just because you can put voice acting in your game doesn't mean you should... especially if you're not going to bother to ensure quality.

Missables: Items or events that are permanently missable can be very annoying -- especially in long games that you probably won't want to immediately replay. Missables are especially egregious if it's never communicated to the player that they just screwed themselves. I suppose this gripe is genre specific. In Super Metroid for example, finding all of the items is part of the fun.

Games with gimmicky controls: See: Many, many Nintendo games that shove things like motion controls and touchscreens down your throat.

[shadyb00ts]

Horizon: Zero Dawn - A Review

Right, gimme a moment to compose myself after the INCREDIBLE RIDE that was this fucking game.

Okay. So. Picture it: E3 2015. There I was, minding my own business, completely PS4-less and only scoping out upcoming PC titles since at the time I was a proud PC gamer. Deep down I was always bitter that I probably would never get a PS4, though, so I usually knowingly avoided any footage of PS4 games like inFamous: Second Son, Uncharted 4, etc. I’ve always been a naturally jealous person, so seeing footage from those games at the time sorta stirred up some jealousy there.

But regardless of that, I still end up seeing the original gameplay trailer anyways. And holy fuckballs, I was so pissed. There in front of me was footage of a game that was literally MADE for me, I swear to god. It had all the elements that I loved in a game. Let’s list them, shall we?

Lush open world with gorgeous vibrant landscapes and incredible graphics: check and check

Female protagonist that looks badass and is voiced by ASHLY FUCKING BURCH: check, check and check

Bow and arrow combat: check

Stealth: check

RPG elements like side quests, skill trees, dialogue trees, etc: checkcheckcheckcheck

Intriguing and mysterious story: check

Platforming and climbing mechanics a la Tomb Raider & Uncharted: check

Honestly, I could go on and on but you get the idea. I never thought I’d see the day where a game could so perfectly fit the criteria of everything I like. So 2-Years-Ago-Me was completely heartbroken since at the time I was convinced that I’d never own a PS4. It was up there with Kingdom Hearts III as the games I thought I’d never get to experience.

Flash forward to now, having been a PS4 owner for about several months. This game was pretty much top priority on what to get, so as soon as it was available for preorder, I clicked that shit so fast I almost broke my mouse. So naturally, when the game finally became playable, I completely immersed myself in it.

This may be a bold statement, but I think Horizon is going to be one of my favorite games of all time. For real.

So all those elements I listed up there were true, but there were also additional elements I love that I had no clue were even in it, prior to playing. Like for example, I had no idea just how deep into the RPG category it was going to go. This game was so freaking immersive. I was immediately in Aloy’s shoes and experienced the world through her eyes, starting from childhood. And then what a pleasant surprise it was when I discovered that the game presents you with moral choices, too! At that moment I knew that the game was going to exceed my already extremely high expectations.

There are also dialogue trees in which you can exhaust a lot of dialogue from, and I of course took every chance I got to choose all the options. I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about this intricate world Guerrilla Games has built and encountering its inhabitants. I loved finding out more about all the different tribes and their own unique traditions and religious beliefs, as well as their relationships with each other. It also helps that their outfits are all so fucking rad. In addition to all that, there are collectibles called “datapoints” where you could find various text, audio and holographic documents from the world of the “ancient ones”, and there’s so many interesting tidbits you can discover from these files. Guerrilla really has fleshed out this world as fully as they could. And let’s quickly touch on the diversity this game has. Man oh man, there were so many people of all different races throughout this game. Lots of strong female characters who weren’t one-dimensional, and I even stumbled upon a gay character during one of the side quests. The diversity showcased doesn’t feel contrived or there to appease the masses, it feels natural and well represented.

I was a bit worried about the story at first, since Guerrilla were definitely shrouding it in mystery and being extra vague every chance they got, which I guess a part of me did like, since it made me not know what to expect and heightened my sense of discovery while playing. But these devs have crafted a really amazing story with a likable cast of characters, including the star of the show Aloy herself. I’m a little biased about her though, since she’s voiced by Ashly Burch who I adore to pieces, but even regardless of that she was simply a wonderfully written character. I just loved watching the story unfold, finding out more and more about what happened to the world and witnessing Aloy finding out the truth about who she really is. The lowest expectation I had initially about this game was probably the story, but it didn’t disappoint at all. I was thoroughly hooked and craved to know more. I won’t spoil anything, since I want those of you who are going to play the game to be more engrossed by it as you have your own experience through it.

Those of you who have seen screenshots and/or gameplay know that this game is a visual masterpiece. The environments are lush and full of life despite the post-apocalyptic nature of it. Originally I had thought the Last of Us had the most gorgeous post-apoc landscapes of all time, but Horizon definitely takes the cake for this one, no question about it. There’s a photo mode available, and because the game itself is so beautiful, it’s probably impossible to take a bad shot. Even without using the filters provided, the graphics have that gorgeous pinkish glow that I always love in games, very reminiscent of Dragon Age: Inquisition I think. The screenshots in this review were some snaps I took using the photo mode feature, and it’s really fun to play around with. You could probably spend hours with it taking scenic shots and action shots to your heart’s content.

Now let’s talk combat. A game automatically has me sold when it has archery. My love of this developed through the 2013 Tomb Raider remake, which I’m sure I reviewed on here a long while back. It grew when I played the sequel to that remake, Rise of the Tomb Raider. This game takes that style of combat and amps it up to a hundred, adding a bunch of various unique and craftable arrow types, as well as multitudes of elemental traps and explosives. Most unique out of these is probably the Ropecaster, which allows you to tie down enemies to leave them immobilized. These are extremely useful for the flying machines that you’ll encounter later on in the game, since they can be pretty tricky. The combat relies heavily on weakpoint takedowns, so you’ve definitely gotta have real good aim in order to slay them robots, especially the bigger ones. Unlike most action games, you can’t just go in guns blazing and continuously shoot arrows at random spots on the machines’ bodies. Focusing on their weakpoints is key, as that’s where all the real damage lies. Most of the robots are also weak to specific element types, so exposing those weaknesses gives you an even bigger advantage. Some enemies you could even strip off their ranged weapons and use it against them, which I thought was fucking radical. I did it more than a few times and it was a hell of a lot of fun.

There’s also melee combat in this game, although I rarely ever used it to be quite honest. The only use I found for melee are the silent takedowns during stealth, but in battle I would say ranged is the way to go. Battles with the machines are very exhilarating and intense, since they are clearly much more stronger than you, even the weaker ones. There are also human enemies like bandits and cultists, but they’re pretty easy to pick off since all it takes are headshots, basically. The machines are the real challenge. I played on Easy since I’m a scrub, and have always had no shame in playing games on easy difficulties anyways since, unlike most gamers, I’m not much of a fan of challenge. Basically for me, Easy is my Normal. That’s just how I roll. But even easy mode was a bit of a challenge at times, at least for me. I had some trouble with the huge, stronger machines. Then again, I pretty much spent the entirety of the game doing nothing but side stuff and power-leveling, so by the last few main quests I was already at max level. But even at max level and wearing arguably the best outfit in the game, the final boss was a lot to handle.

I’ve spent the majority of this review gushing about this game, but was there anything I disliked? In all honesty, not really all that much. Most of my negatives are pretty much small nitpicks. I thought the climbing mechanics could’ve been a little bit better, since unlike Tomb Raider or Uncharted, most of the platforming can be done just by pushing the left stick and only pressing the jump button once in a while. I would’ve liked it better if the jump button was more frequently used during platforming, basically. You also can’t filter between icons on the map, and the map interface can get pretty hectic as a result since there’s so much stuff cluttered in it. Not sure why they didn’t add the option to filter between machine sites, collectibles, etc. Would’ve made for an easier time navigating.

Another negative is probably how I wish the outfits were more customizable. As it stands, each outfit is already one full set, and the only modifications you can make are by using two or three slots where you can insert mods to increase certain effects like elemental resistances, stealth, etc. I wish it was a little more in-depth in that you could get different pieces for each body part, like most RPGs, and maybe be able to insert modifications to each individual armor piece. Actually, the modification system in general, for both outfits and weapons, is a bit too simplified for my taste. You can’t really upgrade them, it’s as simple as just inserting a mod or two and you’re done. This may be ideal for more action-oriented players, but since I’m an RPG enthusiast, I find it to leave much to be desired. There are some other small nitpicks I have with the game that hold it back from being absolute perfection, but honestly they’re all pretty much easy to ignore. The positives crush the negatives.

So yeah, overall I’m extremely overjoyed with how this game turned out. It’s everything I had been hoping for and then some. It literally just came out a few days ago and already I’m aching for a story DLC or, hell, even a sequel. This game better branch out into a franchise; there’s so much Guerrilla can explore with this world that they’ve created.

I give Horizon a 9.75/10. 9.5 seemed a little too low and 10 seemed a little bit too high, so I thought fuck it, 9.75 it is. This game is near perfection, and if you have a PS4 or are going to own a PS4 in the future, then I swear to you that you won’t regret having Horizon in your game library. It’s a mishmash of various elements in open world, action-RPG gaming all rolled into an impeccable, beautiful package. And for all you trophy hunters out there, it’s pretty easy to platinum too.

Man, do I love this game. Jesus. Looks like I’ve found something new to unhealthily obsess over.