#but both of the emotions she’s feeling about the songs can coexist

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

Begging swifties to understand that Taylor didn’t write reputation and Lover with the knowledge of how the relationship was going to end and that trying to “excavate” those albums for evidence to prove a specific theory as to why it ended is not how they should be viewed. Taylor wrote those songs feeling a very specific way because that’s what she was experiencing and she is now reflecting on them with hindsight and relates to them differently than when she first created them. These conflicting emotions can exist; how she views it now doesn’t diminish how she felt about it when she first released it.

[cardsharksplayingames]

“This is the experience and emotions Taylor was writing about when she wrote this song” and “these are the feelings it invokes in me and how I relate it to my own life” can and should coexist and one does not diminish the other. In fact I think if we use both lenses the art becomes so much more rich

[septembersghost]

Since you are having a harry day, I love how harry's song doesn't give you much tea. Like if we listen to Taylor's songs we know which one's about joe,harry,Jake etc....like she uses different imagery for each. She used red colour for jake to symbolize how painful and passionate it was, fire imagery for harry because it was easily extinguishabld but have potential to burn brightly, golden for joe because his heart is gold and it is good,beautiful, valuable all at the same time.She also narrates well. But harry simply confesses his thoughts and feelings as a song without having a backing narrative. So it means different things to different people. This is why he doesn't explain songs. As a private person it allows him to be vulnerable without people using it as a double edged sword (like Taylor). So we live in a world where grape juice is about olivia or ex or something else theories can coexist because it is vague on purpose. We enjoy the song for what it means for us, not what happened in his life or who it's about.

i get where you're coming from, i have a lot of complicated thoughts about this! for me personally: We enjoy the song for what it means for us this remains true for me for every artist i love and connect to, whether i know the specific details or not, but i understand that varies from listener to listener.

with taylor, her strength is in such strongly personal writing - whether it's diaristic, as a lot is, or more loosely autobiographical but with some fantasy sprinkled in (ie: folkmore) - she is beautifully adept and giving details to paint a picture, being self-referential, leaning on specific metaphors and imagery to conjure specific situations. and for those of us who've been here for a long time, there's a richness in that because we can piece the stories together, understand exactly what she's talking about, and click in to each emotional facet, each story, as they transform and as they're a part of her. the magic of it is then when we take those songs, knowing what/who they're about, and transform them into our own. since i'm a documented red stan, i'll use that as an example - my mind, of course, knows those songs are centered on jake, and can analyze them from that perspective and empathize with what she's detailing, how that relationship made her feel, why it affected her deeply. but then the songs also have that other life in my brain, where they're mine, and subjectively emotional about my own memories, or my own associations to apply to them. same, with, say, my love for lover. i have never been in love like that, i've never had a longtime partner, so technically i have no real way to relate to the full depth of love she feels for joe and the golden daylight of that, and YET, it still totally resonates because i'm a romantic, because i love love as a concept, and because it was such a source of warmth and comfort to me in a dark time that it took on its own happiness and meaning. the archer being so dear to me and so relatable when it's all centered inwardly. "help me hold on to you" more being about life itself than a loved one. and i think there's real value in BOTH aspects of her art.

unfortunately, taylor has had constant inescapable media scrutiny, and we have the knowledge of all of these things, so we can pinpoint relationships and inspiration, and it's impossible to talk about her intent without mentioning those relationships and events. idk if it's fair to categorize it as "tea," even though maybe we unavoidably make it that. when it's weaponized against her, that double edged sword as you mention, it's awful because it isn't her fault, and it's like...she should be allowed to speak her truth and process her experiences without shame, and the amount of cruelty and misogyny and trauma she's endured is terribly unfair. the fact that our analyses in relation to her voice and her way of telling these stories relies on that awareness isn't a bad thing, it simply. is.

She used red colour for jake to symbolize how painful and passionate it was, fire imagery for harry because it was easily extinguishabld but have potential to burn brightly, golden for joe because his heart is gold and it is good,beautiful, valuable all at the same time. i just want to say that i love how you phrased all this, and agree.

and then harry to me, his approach is more like stream-of-consciousness or even conversational. and he's fortunate that he has been able to keep some things more private, by far the songs dissected most are the one we know are connected to taylor, so is that really an effect from him, or from her? it's a conundrum, and we all navigate a balance in that however we can.

he does use illustrative details - the fridge light washes this room white, there's no water inside this swimming pool, does he take you walking 'round his parents' gallery, the coffee's out at the beachwood cafe, kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor, you sunshine/you temptress/my hand's at risk, i fold/crisp trepidation/i'll try to shake this soon, you sit high atop the kitchen counter, you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels, you showed me a power that's strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days - but he's also a bit more abstract. i don't know if this comparison will make sense, but i think of taylor as a pre-raphaelite painter, and harry as an impressionist. both have distinct beauty, but capture the picture differently.

like this

both are women in gardens with roses, both are beautiful, but the way they depict the scenes has a different effect. the brush strokes, the details, they evoke their own atmosphere. the distinction makes them their own special artists, and i love being able to discuss that, and am grateful to have/keep both.

[groovesnjams]

35 / 50

"Milagro y Desastre" by Silvana Estrada

MG:

“Milagro y Desastre” is an example of a song that no one needs to translate to immediately grasp its sentiments. The sadness, the heaviness, and the little halo of light are all right there in the sound of Silvana Estrada’s voice, a magical and conducive force. Every year those Spotify wrapped graphics become more and more popular, I hope because people appreciate the colorful graphic design and single image still as a shortcut way to share their favorite songs with anyone interested and not, I fear, because they don’t actually know what their favorite songs of the year were and need Spotify to recount to them their listening habits. Wrapped is an example of relying on translation where none is truly needed. At the risk of sounding too old or too prescriptive or too scolding, if you’re bothering to listen to music at all be unafraid to make your own connections – don’t rely on Spotify, the artist, me, or anyone else to tell you what these songs mean, what they are about, or how to feel. Do you find the strings on “Milagro y Desastre” a subtle, tasteful conveyance of emotional transformation or are they canned stock schlock?

DV:

Arguably the idea of emotional transformation is itself schlock, or at least the line between emotional transformation and schlock is so thin it's invisible. “Milagro y Desastre”, the concept that every disaster includes a miracle and every miracle is also a disaster, works because Silvana Estrada delivers it in the most time-honored tradition of corny artists everywhere: with a sincerity and earnestness that overrules any skepticism. At least half the song is simply the title phrase, turned over and over as if she's reassuring herself that the best and the worst truly do coexist. As if "milagro y desastre" reveals new meaning with each repetition. And perhaps it does! Our lives are a cycle of miracles, from the tiniest function of our bodies and the ways that they fail, to the sun rising and the heat killing us all. We understand so little of what happens in the world, and in ourselves. That too seems like both a disaster and a miracle.

[chasingfictions]

never not gonna be emo about the double meaning of im under your spell the way tara's subconscious KNOWS something is wrong but she cant access it .... the psychological horror of it .... the way even the moon to the tide / i can feel you inside is about tara being horny but it's also about how willow's will and magic are literally inside of tara changing her .... also surging like the sea / pulled to you so helplessly .... and thinking about the love in tara's eyes all throughout this song and how it COULD have been real. if willow had been willing to work through their fight organically, that kind of adoration and happiness could have come back in this real, robust way — like all this was right under the surface in tara, coexisting with her anger. and just!!! it's making me emotional both in the larger gaslighting theme that recurs through s6 !!!!!!!! im worked up!!!!!!

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings 

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening 

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out 

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion. 

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit. 

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”. 

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don’t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.” 

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins. 

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.” 

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s “step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me. 

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

x

read all my lyric analyses here

[graceslavenderhaze]

just wanna be with you; reggie x reader

“are you okay?” that was the first question julie had asked you when she saw you the morning after you both had learned that the boys were planning on crossing over before the jolts that caleb had placed on them destroyed them. 

“ i feel like i should be asking you that.” you said bluntly as you let your best friend into your house which was empty other than you at the moment. you both trailed into your kitchen. ripped pages of your journal laid in crumpled balls, a mug of hot chocolate which was half drank was next to your song journal. you wrote your best songs when you were emotional and last night was definitely emotional. 

you picked up your mug and went to refill it as well as make one for julie. she sat herself down at the table, her wondering eyes drawn to the journal. she knew a love song when she saw one. 

“did you write this?” julie asked pointing at the song labeled ‘just wanna be with you’. you placed both of your mugs back on the table and sat down. you bit your bottom lip as you took a deep breath. 

“yeah, i wrote it about or i guess for reggie.” you blurted out to your best friend. she placed her hand onto your outstretched one, comforting you. you felt all of your emotions crash down onto you like a tidal wave. 

“i’ve never felt this way about anyone ever not even carrie, i’ve never been so- i’ve never written a song about someone i like. ever! and then he just comes out of nowhere the afterlife and everything and for the first time since carrie broke up with me, i felt. i can’t even compare it to carrie but he makes me feel like there’s nothing we can’t do if we’re together, and no matter what happens i know he’ll be there. i just wanna be with him, jules.” your voice was raw as a few loose tears escaped your eyes. 

“that’s love, if i know anything from how my parents looked at each other and every stupid rom com that we’ve watched with flynn. you’re in love with him.” julie said to you as she wiped the tears off of your cheeks. you let what she said sink in, love. you were in love with reggie. 

“fuck flynn’s never gonna let me live this down!” you joked to your best friend. she broke a smile. she stood up and held her hand out for you. you gave her a confused look. she pulled you up from your seat.

“you’re getting dressed, meeting up with reggie before we play the orpheum and giving him this song. life is too short for you to just sit back and not tell people how you feel about them. you have to live in the moment, and even if you lose him. you’ll always have the memories.” handing you the journal that laid on the table, you both rushed upstairs to your bedroom not before you muttered “i hate how you’re always right.”

it had been at least an hour since you got ready. julie had picked out a cute outfit consisting of your favorite pieces of clothing that you owned, insisting that flynn says that the more comfortable you are in your skin, the more comfortable you’ll be laying your heart out. you also had your backpack slung over your shoulder with your clothes for later tonight when the band plays the orpheum and then, clothes for a sleepover with julie later on. neither of you wanted to be alone after the guys crossed over. 

“stop worrying you look fantastic.” julie said to you. you found it ironic. your best friend was playing one of the most iconic clubs in all of Los Angeles tonight and here she was calming you down over telling reggie how you feel. you played with the bracelets on your wrists, more specifically the red and black one that had a small bass charm in the middle. julie smirked when she noticed the small charm but opted not to say anything. 

“i’m gonna go pick out my outfit for tonight, and i’ll rangle dumb and dumber out so you can be alone with reggie. you got this!” julie said to you before walking into the studio to say some half true lie to get alex and luke out so you could be alone with reggie. after standing alone for five minutes and convincing yourself while it seemed convenient, running from your issues wouldn’t solve anything. 

“hey.” you mentally face palmed. hey thats the best you had? reggie looked up from the grand piano he had been fiddling with the keys of. a smile came across his face when he saw you. his smile was one of your favorites. 

“hey, shouldn’t you be helping julie?” he asked confused being as mere minutes ago julie had brought luke and alex up to her room to help wrap last minute details up for the orpheum show. you placed your backpack down and fished out your journal. your heart was beating in your chest like thunder, as if it was going to just combust out. 

“yeah, but first i wanted to show you this song that i wrote.” you stumbled on your words a little and after getting the sentence out your mouth had never felt drier. reggie looked bewildered, normally you shared your songs with julie and flynn. this was the first time you’d ever wanted to show him a song of yours and also the last. 

“i thought that’s something that you and julie do with flynn?” you approached the grand piano and sat next to him. it was now or never at this point. you pushed the knowing that by tonight after they opened, him and the guys would be gone. 

“yeah but it’s something special that i think would just be better if you were the one to hear it. is that okay?” your voice was soft and you’d never been this close to reggie before. the past few days you’d been avoiding being alone with him to see if you could try to resolve your crush on your own. it was impossible.

“yeah, no totally, that’s rad.” he said nervously starting to fiddle with his rings. you let out a soft laugh. you opened the page that the song was on and placed your hands on the keys.

 “ I got a lot of things I have to do All these distractions Our futures coming soon We're being pulled a hundred different directions But whatever happens I know I've got you

You're on my mind you're in my heart It doesn't matter where we are It'll be alright Even if we're miles apart

All I wanna do, is be with you, be with you There's nothing we can do just wanna be with you Only you No matter where life takes us nothing can break us apart You know its true I just wanna be with you

You know how life can be It changes over night It's sunny then raining, but it's alright A friend like you Always makes it easy I know that your kidding me every time

Through every up through every down You know I'll always be around Through anything you can count on me

All I wanna do, is be with you, be with you There's nothing we can do just wanna be with you Only you No matter where life takes us nothing can break us apart You know it's true I just wanna be with you

I just wanna be with you” 

 you felt a weight life off your shoulders when you finished and you wondered why you’d been so nervous, then you remembered that reggie was still sitting next to your and your nerves came swinging right back. you turned to him and for once staring into his eyes didn’t comfort you, it scared you. 

“i know that after tonight you’re gone but i’d be an idiot if i didn’t tell you how i felt before you left. i’ve never wrote a song for anyone i’ve lov-like liked.” the words tumbled out of your mouth uncontrollable. reggie smiled. he wanted to kiss you and in that moment he regretted everything. had they focused on the band instead of being so hellbent on getting revenge against bobby, then they wouldn’t have gotten stamped and wouldn’t be crossing over at all. 

“you have no idea how much i want to kiss you. ” he said softly. you smiled, you wanted to kiss him so badly. 

“i’m gonna miss you, so much.” you admitted. you knew he couldn’t stay but you wanted him to. 

“you are unlike any girl i’ve ever met or have like liked either, y/n y/l/n. i wish we had more time.” he said coming closer to you. your eyes closed for a moment and you forgot just what was happening. he wouldn’t be able to kiss you. you’d go straight through him. 

“we can’t, i want to but you know we can’t.” your words were soft and quiet but loud enough to break both of your hearts. you both wanted this so badly but the universe wouldn’t allow it. you merely coexisted together, you were still from two seperate worlds. 

“your favorite flowers are forget me nots right?” he asked you after the two of you had pulled away. you nodded and almost as a reflex played with the bracelet on your wrist with a forget me not charm. he removed his necklace from around his neck, with the blue beads and silver bar at the middle. the entire time you’d known reggie he’d never been seen without it. 

“then consider this a forget me not.” he then took the necklace and placed it around your neck. you removed the red and black bracelet with the bass charm. you placed it around his wrist. 

“only if you consider this a forget me not as well.” “ forever.” your phone beeped interrupting the moment. 

julie: i love you but i’m going to find a way to rekill these himbos soon. 

“i should go actually help julie now. i really don’t wanna say goodbye.” this was probably the last moment you had with reggie and you never wanted it to end. 

“so don’t say goodbye just say i’ll see you around.” he said jokingly. you nodded as a few tears made their way out of your eyes. you stood up from the grand piano grabbing your journal, you walked over to your backpack and turned around, your fingers fiddling with your forget me not token. 

“see you around guitar cutie.” you said before walking out of the studio. 

“not if i see you first!” he yelled back. you smiled and continued to walked up to julie’s room. closing the door and then sliding down against it once you’d entered. 

“i fell in love with a ghost. full teasing rights once my heart heals, let flynn know.” you stated as you slumped on the floor in a slightly love struck daze.

“no shit!”

“is this suppose to be new news?”

“shut up shes in loveeee.”

“yeah and i’ve come to take your spot as julie’s fashion stylists.” you joked as you got up. alex and luke poofed out after a few more side comments. julie smirked. 

“nice necklace you got there.” she winked before the two of you got to work. 

flashing forward to two hours later, flynn and you stood on the side wings of the stage clutching onto each other, both of you dressed in your concert outfits . julie, alone center stage with only her keyboard, microphone and a dahlia with her. you were all on edge, the guys wouldn’t bail again. there’s no way. so there was only one other explanation. the jolts destroyed them before they got to crossover. 

as julie started playing stand tall, the song you had heard so many times from sitting in on the practices, you thought you were imagining hearing alex’s drums until you and flynn both saw him with your own eyes. 

“holy shit.” then reggie appeared next to julie, causing you and flynn to jump with excitement. they were still here, they were going to crossover. you noticed how the charm from the bracelet reggie was still wearing had twinkled under stage lights and him looking back up and you and winking. 

“it’s your lover boy!” flynn teased. you couldn’t deny it because at this moment you were to happy to even bother. 

“c’mon luke.” you had started to muttered noticing that he was flickering onstage causing both of the present phantoms to give you a worried glance. after a few tries he managed to stay solid onstage. 

“yes!” you and flynn both cheered on the sidelines. dancing and singing to the song that you knew would be stuck in your head by tomorrow. you were all happy in this moment. 

when the song ended reggie looked back at you and mouthed very clear words. “i love you.” before you could say it back the boys disappeared. you placed the silver bar of the necklace to your lips and kissed it muttered “i love you too” before. joining flynn in cheering for julie. everything was over, but you left nothing unsaid. 

“so y/n, spill the details about your out of this world love affair.” julie joked as the three of you were in the dressing room changing into your street outfits. you laughed. folding the clothes you wore and putting them back into your backpack before looking in the mirror to check over last time. 

“wait is that reggie’s?” flynn asked pointing at the necklace you wore all night. you blushed slightly. then julie noticed the missing red and black bracelet. 

“yeah it’s a forget me not. something to remember him by. i’ll explain it all tomorrow i’m still processing it honestly.” you said turning around to her. flynn hugged you. you were happy you had your friends. 

“i’m gonna go make us popcorn and pick a movie.” you said once julie and you had gotten back to her house for the night. you knew she wanted a moment alone in the garage to thank her mom for bringing the guys to her and music back into her life. 

once you had the popcorn in julie’s bed and were picking out a movie on her laptop she texted you a 911, code red, and a bunch of other phrases for her saying you needed to get into the garage asap. 

“hey jules what do half of these codes even mean?” you asked as you walked into the garage. “what the fuck, you guys crossed over. you shouldn’t be here.” you said when you saw your favorite ghosts standing in a group hug with julie. they looked like they were dying twice all over.

“come here!” julie said grabbing you and pulling you into the hug. the guys all started to glow a golden color and the stamps caleb had put on them dissolved.

“what do you think that means?” julie asked. you shrugged, up until like a month ago you didn’t even think ghosts actually existed.

“i think it means the bands back.” luke said causing the group hug to jump up and down in a fit of happiness over playing the orpheum. once the group hug broke up, you launched yourself forwards towards reggie.

“i love you too.” he smiled. 

“kiss her!” julie coughed trying to be subtle. luke and alex both nodded encouraging their friend. 

“yeah kiss me guitar cutie.” you said with confidence causing him to do so. you could hear the hollers of your best friends in the background losing their minds which made the moment better for you.

“so what do i tell flynn?” julie asked once you pulled away for air. 

“we’ll tell her tomorrow, she’s probably still reeling from tonight.” you said. julie nodded then had another outburst excitement over the fact that they just played the orpheum. 

reggie picked you up and swung you around before kissing you again. “i don’t know what’s better playing the orpheum or kissing you.” he said. 

“also which one of you is responsible for carlos knowing?” julie asked in the middle of the moment. the guys faces all became panicked.

“busted!” you said holding a hand for your best friend to high five.

--

this is the first thing i’ve ever wrote to post publicly and idk if i like it or not but just wanna be with you lives in my head rent free so i saw my opportunity and i took it honestly. let me know if you guys like this those maybe i’ll start posting again. <3

[such-a-radical]

sometimes song of purple summer is boring in other times it feels so emotional and showstopping this song really gets how the summer feels

I absolutely adore Song Of Purple Summer so I will rant about it for a second (whoops this turned out to be more than a second). Lonk post incoming be warned.

1. Seasons Metaphor

Of course the seasons metaphor is really consistent through the whole show (it is called spring awakening after all). And sops does a fantastic job at finishing the analogy. First we have Blue Wind, where growing up and losing innocence is compared to the cold of autumn taking away the wonder of summer. Then Those You’ve Known reminds us that it will be okay again one day, with the stars too, they tell of spring returning. This lyric tells us that they can see spring on the horizon, even when it felt like they could never overcome the “winter”. This summer will bring back the joy that we lost, but things can never return to the way they were (and summer with another wind that no one yet has known). Things will be okay, but they will never be the same. This brings us to song of purple summer, when we finally restore the hope and confidence of our youth. Of course, the children are weary and torn down by the events of the metaphorical “winter”, but they are cautiously optimistic. This is the abridged version of my interpretation might do an (even) longer post later lol.

2. LYRICS

I didn’t want to mention lyrics in that section just so I can analyze them here. This won’t be every line cause I don’t have time for that and I’m assuming you don’t either. These are a weird combination of the cast-album and the real lyrics because I like some of each. I have thought long and hard and have no earthly clue what a gray-fly choir is. Proceed.

Listen to what's in the heart of a child

A song so big in one so small

Ilse- possibly the character who lost the most as she grew up, begins the song by reminding us the joy of their youth. A time before they understood how dark the world can be, when they were purely optimistic. 

To show her child the wonders

Of a world beyond her dreams

This introduces the theme of generational growth: the mother only hopes that the children can have a better life than the one that she had. The SA kids know that their childhood was taken unfairly, and they just wish that the future generations will be able to live the life they never could.

The earth will wave with corn

The day so wide, so warm

This is the future the kids want, one with warmth and hope, which is represented through flourishing crops. This might be me reading too much into this, but this is the second time we see “corn”, the first being Blue Wind. In Blue Wind, a song about losing innocence, the wind that blows through the corn is described as cold and sad. Here, the day is warm and shows growth.

And mares will neigh

With stallions that they mate

Foals they've borne

I read this line with two meanings. First is another generational thing: they dream of a future in which the parents and the children coexist peacefully. My second reading is with the nature theme, since foals are born in spring/summer it shows rebirth and a time of turnover. I like the first interpretation more but I wanted to put both of them out there. 

And yet I wait

The swallow brings

A song too hard to follow

That no one else can sing

This is my favorite line in the song, possibly the show.  There are some things that cannot be understood (like what a gray-fly choir is lmao), and we will be happiest if we just accept that. Nobody else can sing the swallow’s song, and that’s okay. The new generation has their own voice. The adults can’t understand them, no matter how hard they try. I’m genuinely so mad they changed this line after the cast recording because the new one is awful in comparison.

This was probably too much for this ask. Dear Anonymous: I hope this is what you wanted. In my defense, you didn’t really ask a question so I just sort of ran with it. 

Please let me know if you want more *analytical* content or if you disagree with my takes because I had a good time writing this. 

[holdoncallfailed]

No matter how much one parses its details, there is something about '100,000 Fireflies' that remains impenetrably mysterious, just like its singer. 'I would happily have known Susan better — she was fun,' Merritt says. 'But she was quite firm about not wanting to be known, which was mysterious enough to be part of the fun.' Thirty years later, that mystery is both the beginning and end of their story. It's hard to believe, but Merritt says he has no idea what Anway thought of the two Magnetic Fields albums on which she served as lead vocalist, or if she ever heard them at all: The songwriter and the singer that launched The Magnetic Fields' discography together, he says, had not spoken since then. As for the song's narrator and their estranged love, we're left to wonder about that, too. The song's final moments sound like the bargaining stage of grief playing out in real time: 'You won't be happy with me / But give me one more chance / You won't be happy anyway.' Perhaps when things are going well in our own lives, we can picture them working it out, approximating some level of content coexistence, even if true happiness is out of the question. During darker moments, we might imagine them spiraling into an extended shared misery, or cutting their losses and never speaking again. No matter how we come to it, Anway's vocal delivery is a waiting vessel, ready for us to pour our own emotional history into the outline she has sketched. It's a true collaboration between artist and audience. In moments of peak despair, it is such a comfort — some would say a lifesaver — to have beautiful things to turn to that make you feel less alone. She had all those fireflies. We have this song.

The Magnetic Fields' '100,000 Fireflies' Sounds The Way Being Lonely Feels by Ryan H. Walsh for NPR

[hauntedziosportrait]

The Relativity and Connections between Jamaasian Lore and Mirabai

WARNING! ⚠️ Very religious themes. I apologise if I have any incorrect or outdated information, it's very risky writing about something surrounding a certain religion when in fact.. I'm an atheist.

The lore of Jamaa has always been a really tricky and fairly eerie topic to cover. It has themes from all sorts of different cultures and despite the main tale being retold, changed and edited one thousand times, the information we receive is clear about who the certain deities and characters are and what their roles to play give.

Today, we're looking more on the more eerie side of Animal Jam- The relationship between Mira and Zios. Surprisingly, we know more about our enemies the phantoms than we do the entities we're serving. Alot has been told about Mira, but on the other hand, not much information has been provided about Zios and his identity making him more or less a very suspicious character to take heed of. That's why there are so many theories regarding him specifically; the most we know is that...

●He is the spiritual highest point of the Jamaa heiarchy, having created Mira and setting the stars and planets in motion

●He is often depicted as a bodyless golden mask surrounded by intricate patterns and grooves

●He was the lover of Mira

●He dissappeared at some point in time and never came back.

To jog your memory, I'm going to be basing this theory more on the Old Jamaasian Lore. Interestingly, the lore was changed to make it appealing to a younger audience, but in the old lore we get a stronger sense of emotion and alot more information about the guardian spirits of Jamaa.

Zios is practically a God. He sets several plants, stars and seas in motion. Eventually he gets lonely and gives life to a deity said to be the perfect incarnation of humble beauty; a graceful grey heron named Mira. Mira and Zios get on well together and she often tells him how talented and artistic he is.

Eventually, Zios falls for her, and creates a beautiful land for he and Mira to share; Jamaa- as a sign of his love.

Mira is ecstatic and suggests and creates the idea of giving live to mortal inhabitants to the land- us, the animals. However, Zios gets a little snappy at Mira for that. He meant for this place to share just between the two and for nobody else to interfere.

He then snaps at Mira for creating the Animals and the two fall into a fearsome and emotional argument. Mira's tears then, without her knowing, come into accidental contact with the mortal world. Since she is an omniscient deity, mixing such power with normal life would end in ruin- Thus creating the phantoms.

Here's the catch. Mira and Zios are too wrapped up in their argument to notice the phantoms attacking Jamaa. Since the phantoms were created by Mira, they would only obey her. That is why they are after Zios, to avenge Mira. Also a case why we never see the phantoms target Mira specifically.

Then, they notice the peril Jamaa is in and, still angry at eachother, select the powerful and strong remaining animals in their selective tribes as Alphas to defend.

Shortly after, Zios goes missing. We're told the phantoms took him through the phantom portal never to be seen again. However, there is alot of evidence to suggest he fell victim to the phantoms and gave in to their side, furthermore taking control of the Phantom Empire. That may be why, despite their goal being reached, they continue to harass and attack the alphas, Jamaa, and by extent, Mira.

From then, the Alphas succeed, and all is well. Zios, however, is never heard of again.

Despite their argument, Mira is eternally upset. That is why phantoms keep producing, due to her tears. Since Zios left angry at Mira, it may be an extra that she thinks Zios left hating her.

And... That is what is inferred from the old lore. The new lore consists of less knowledge about Mira and Zios, but more information about the Alphas and of course the animal heartstones.

Now, here is the thing. The tale of Jamaa is very familiar sounding to some people. Zios is often seen as omnipotent and very powerful. He's often seen as similar to several different gods in mythology..

●Zeus, the Greek god of sky and thunder (This one is self explanatory, even their names are similar: however I've seen this one cause a bit of controversy as this is comparing Zios to a technically VERY problematic god.. Also, Mira sounds alot like Hera!)

●Viracocha, the great creator deity in the pre-Inca and Inca mythology in the Andes region of South America. He's mainly mentioned in incan and mesopotamian mythology as the high creator god (and this one shares more similarities than you may think!) They both had lovers, both dissappeared after creating the world, both had similar powers (examples of heliokenesis) and they actually look REALLY similar, most likely Zios' design being based off of Viracocha's golden armor. Viracocha pictured below!

●And the last one... Krishna. An important religious figure in Hinduism and the final reincarnation/eighth avatar of Vishnu.

And that last one is what I'm planning to talk about today!

The perhaps most important part of this theory is Mirabai. Mirabai, often called Meera or Mira, was a 16th-century Hindu mystic poet and devotee of Krishna. She was known for her elegant beauty and poetry, as well as her eternal devotation to Krishna.

Meera pictured below as well as a figure of Krishna in the distance.

Surprsingly, we have our own Mira too. And if we're comparing Zios to Krishna, this relationship makes alot of sense. Meera was in love with Krishna, and Mira was in love with Zios. "In her last years, Meera lived in Dwarka or Vrindavan, where legends state she miraculously disappeared by merging into an idol of Krishna in 1547. While miracles are contested by scholars for the lack of historical evidence, it is widely acknowledged that Meera dedicated her life to Lord Krishna, composing songs of devotion and was one of the most important poet-saint of the Bhakti movement period." That paragraph was taken from Meera's Wikipedia entry, and relates alot to the story of Mira and Zios. Its said that Meera one day miraculously dissappeared just like Zios did and they only things she left behind were her poems, music, and of course, her devotion and husband-like considered relationship between her and Krishna.

Krishna pictured below.

Most of Meera's poems are dedicated to God in the form of Krishna, calling him the Dark One or the Mountain Lifter. "Some Meera songs include Radha, the lover of Krishna, and her jealousy and hatred for them. All her poems have philosophical connotations, mainly centered around Krishna."

The "Dark One" and "Mountain Lifter" terms are certaintly strange. Why would somebody refer to a "Dark One" in such a loving term?

Lets not forget the example of Zios not only representing the light in most cases, but spiritually, representing the dark. There's alot of evidence to actually suggest instead of the common thought that Zios represents the Sun and Mira the Moon, it may actually be the vice versa in a yin yang sort of way. Light and Dark cannot coexist without eachother and Zios and Mira are a great example of that.

I may explain the Zios is the moon thing a different time but you're going to have to roll with me here on this one... Zios is a perfect representation of the dark. Dark gives space and life to the light, but of course light always gives life to the dark.

Also, "Mountain-Bearer"... Not much to say here. Quite literally what Zios did to create Jamaa. "In her poems, Krishna is a yogi and lover, and she herself is a yogini ready to take her place by his side into a spiritual marital bliss. Meera's style combines impassioned mood, defiance, longing, anticipation, joy and ecstasy of union, always centred on Krishna."

Let's take a look at perhaps the most well known poem by Meera... And perhaps the one that relates the most to Jamaasian Lore. I am aware Julian2 has covered this in a video before, but here im going to take a proper analysis.

My Dark One has gone to an alien land. He has left me behind, he's never returned, he's never sent me a single word. So I've stripped off my ornaments, jewels and adornments, cut my hair from my head. And put on holy garments, all on his account, seeking him in all four directions. Mira: unless she meets the Dark One, her Lord, she doesn't even want to live.

— Mira Bai, Translated by John Stratton Hawley

Alot to process here. Let's see what we can compare.

●"My Dark One has gone to an Alien Land"-  Zios= Krishna: has gone to the realm of the phantoms/alien land

●"He's left me behind, he's never returned, he's never sent me a single word"- Exactly what Zios did. Never responded to Mira and didn't speak to her again after his dissappearance.

●"So I've stripped off my ornaments, jewels and adornments, cut my hair from my head"- Julian2 suggested this may be about Peck running away but this has been outdated. This could possibly refer to the "jewels and adornments" being the Alpha stones as Mira gives them away.

●"And put on holy garments, all on his account, seeking him in all four directions."- This refers to Mira yet again giving the alphas their Alpha Stones and after that she prepares to go out and find Zios.

●"Meera: unless she meets the Dark One, her Lord, she doesn't even want to live."- Unless Mira doesn't meet her Dark One- in this case, Zios-she doesn't feel the will to live, referencing her sorrow and despair without him.

I'm not sure about you, but I'm very convinced AJHQ may have based their lore on this poem specifically.

There is another poem that can relate to the legend of Jamaa, but there's not much to infer. I'm not going to do a thorough line by line analysis, but hopefully looking back on the analysis I just did you can atleast gather some stuff.

After making me fall for you so hard, where are you going? Until the day I see you, no repose: my life, like a fish washed on shore, flails in agony. For your sake I'll make myself a yogini, I'll hurl myself to death on the saw of Kashi. Mira's Lord is the clever Mountain Lifter, and I am his, a slave to his lotus feet.

"Meera speaks of a personal relationship with Krishna as her lover, lord and mountain lifter. (Sanson Ki Mala Pe Simru Main Pi Ka Naam) is written by Meera Bai Shows her dedication towards Lord Krishna. The characteristic of her poetry is complete surrender." -Quote from Wikipedia

The song of Sanson Ki Mala Pe Simru Main Pi Ka Naam is an interesting one-referring to her "beading the name of her beloved on the garland of my breaths". Interestingly, this song refers to Krishna as a Cuckoo Bird- A little bit of a crack theory, but this may suggest Zios could actually be the same behind that mask of his?

Examples of this bird-referring lyric are this quote from that same song:

"He is a melodious bird

He is a magnificent man

This foolish girl has taken

The beloved’s heart as the Lord"

I will link the full song plus English translation below!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ekta25.wordpress.com/2011/06/23/sanson-ki-mala-pe-simroon-main-pi-ka-naam-on-the-garland-of-my-breaths-i-have-bejewelled-my-beloveds-name/amp/

Intresting... Perhaps Zios IS some sort of bird!

In conclusion, Mirabai's poetry, devotion and songs have alot of connections to Jamaasian Lore! I find this interesting, but this did help us gather quite a bit of information!

[teddy-arts]

Final takes on the prom movie: OKAY I JUST LOVED IT.

Is it flawed? Yes, definately. But being someone who has seen the stage show, I really enjoyed this adaptation. Here's just some opinions

(Note: I am gay, enby, and was alienated for me sexuality in the 8th grade so this is one of the most relatable pieces of media to me.)

One of my favorite parts of seeing the live musical was the lesbian couple in front of me, laughing and sobbing and loving the show (very sweet people, we talked at intermission 🥺🥺)

I loved seeing that because I saw people SEEING themselves on stage. Unpopular opinion, but while Emma and Alyssa's relationship was WAY better in the musical, I still feel like they did a lot. I imagine so many LGBTQ+ people seeing themselves in Emma or in Alyssa. It could've been better, but they'll help so many people feel seen.

Second, James Corden. I am of the opinion that any actor can play any character, regardless of sexuality. Honestly, I feel like so many people are being over the top about Corden's portrayal of Barry. I don't see him as a characature at all like, don't know where some of you are coming from with that. I think this is easily one of his best roles, he was pretty adorable tbh. BUT I do still consider him the low point of the adaptation: the accent and just comparing his performance to Meryl Streep, Andrew Rannells, and most other actors.

I liked how true to the script a lot of it was, all the songs are still in it, and a lot of the scenes that were in the musical were pretty word for word in the adaptation!! (I'm looking at you, phantom, les mis, and rent) BUT I'M SO MAD THAT THEY CUT THE ACCEPTANCE SONG SHORT ABDBSBDBAB!! Rannells was still just hilarious and wonderful. I, like many others, didn't like how most of the attention was on the adults more so than the musical, but scroll back to my previous point.

I've seen so many people criticise this and it makes me so mad: Emma smiling while being hatecrimed and bullied. I said this in my previous post, but some of you clearly haven't had to smile through the hardtimes and pretend like everything is fine. In the eighth grade, I got the award in my Natural Helpers team for being the "smiliest" person. Below the surface, I was sad and stressed and scared. I related so much to Emma smiling through it, breathing, and being optimistic still. Everyone is different, and we should recognize this (also every portrayal of a character is different)

I LOVED MERYL STREEP. who doesn't though, next.

NICOLE KIDMAN!!! Loved it. Loved how they adapted Zazz, next.

ANDREW RANNELLS!!!! Ok, yeah, I stan him. Trent was one of my favorite parts of the original live show. Also, unrelated, I see a lot that The Prom is a movie made for "straight people" and I want to just ask, why is that such a bad thing? We don't hold cishet movies to the same standards as our lgbtq movies, and shit like Holiday-date still comes out. And, if this is made for straight people, I think it teaches some damn good things. Love thy Neighbor? Always a delight (one of my favorite parts of the musical LMAO) and will definately touch some young, straight people who watch it. Also, Kerry Washington is a great portrayal of many Karens that very much exist today. One thing I loved is her coming to support Alyssa. Alyssa doesn't "forgive" her like so many critics are saying; Alyssa gives her a chance because she recognizes her mom's flaws, and recognizes that she loves her and will grow for her daughter. The message of growth in this adaptation is very important I feel.

I love both Alyssas tbh! They are very different portrayals and characterizations, but they are great in their own right. Both coming out scenes are so emotional in their different ways.

Finally, I just want to say: let people enjoy things. I live in a world where criticising art while still appreciating it for what it is/loving it should coexist. Is the prom movie flawed? Yes. Will I still watch it over and over again and cry everytime? Yes. One hundred times yes. I'm so glad that a movie like this is on a very accessible service like Netflix because it will help so many people: people who never got the chance to see the musical live, peopls who don't know musicals, and queer kids in a tough place because of similar circumstances. This movie is so important and should be appreciated.

[bffsoobin]

yeonjun x reader

requested by: @yeonjuncore (made this hurt extra special for you 😌)

tw//this is angsty!! cheating, swearing, mentions of sexual acts (no actual smut), etc!

⇒ twelve: “Don’t touch me. Your skin is poison.” 

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

A nearby car rumbled down the street, severing the delicate silence you had cultivated within your apartment. As it revved up the hill, you glanced out the window lethargically, not bothering to remove yourself from the sunken comfort of your sofa. The muted television flashed in its variance of bold colors but offered no relief from the barrage going on inside your own mind. 

You really should have known better. Should have seen the fallout coming a mile away, should have stopped fooling around with Yeonjun the first night you’d drunkenly made out in the dimly lit corner of a college bar, but you didn’t. Maybe you should have stopped it the first time he pushed his hand into your underwear while your roommate slept, or the first time you’d gone to return a set of movies he’d given you and ended up falling asleep in his bed. Instead, you’d let yourself become intoxicated by him and shatter the only friendship you’d ever cherished. It’d now been a week since your best friend and roommate had officially moved out, but the confrontation still bounced around your conscience like an annoyingly catchy pop song. 

“I can’t fucking believe you!” She had seethed, storming through the apartment with fervor. “All this time, you’ve been fucking around with Yeonjun behind my back? I love him!” Tears had tracked down your face, unable to come up with any other response. You’d already tried apologizing even though you knew it was a lost cause. Helplessly, you watched her gather up as many of her belongings as she could find in one swoop. Her footsteps rattled the photos on the wall and side tables, shaking your bones in sync. 

“Why did you do this to me?” The question hung above you like an interrogation light, burning into your eyes as she finally looked at you for the first time in days. 

“I...I don’t know,” you had muttered, offering the shaky words with a tearful glance. Your best friend’s face, normally soft and round and full of love, stood stoic and sharp- completely unforgiving. You couldn’t blame her. 

“Please,” she breathed, looking down at the ground as if to contain herself. You could see her lips shaking with the force of keeping in her sobs. “N-never speak to me again. And if that fucker comes here, tell him to lose my number. I trust you’ll get him the message once you’re done having his dick down your throat.” She shoved past you, rolling a suitcase she’d used on many joint vacations behind her on the wooden floors. Every thump of the wheel over a panel made you flinch. Once she had reached the door, she glanced at the table where you’d set down your keys every day after work. Upon the table was a simple photo of the two of you, cozied up at your high school graduation. She grasped the simple wooden frame between her fingers staring down at the photo with a wry smile on her lips. For a moment, you thought she would take the picture with her. The thought made you dizzy, a naïve part of your heart hoping that she would take it as a token of possible redemption for the years-long bond. 

“Hey, Y/N?” Her voice was nasally from the crying, but still so familiar that despite the situation, you looked up at her earnestly. “Fuck you.” The photo dropped the the floor, bouncing off the floor with a harsh thud you were sure the neighbors downstairs heard loud and clear. You both stared at it, the plain backing facing the ceiling. In a millisecond, she slammed the heel of her sneaker into the back of the photo, shattering the delicate glass covering underneath the force. She had disappeared out the door not a second later.

The picture still laid in its exact same spot, face down next to the door that hadn’t been opened since she walked out. A few shards of glass had scattered dangerously into the living room, but you knew how to step over them all by now. In fact, nothing had really been touched since she left. The drawers in the kitchen and living room were still hanging wide open, gaping with the evidence of all the things she had taken away with her. You were living off of lukewarm hot pockets and bottled water, supplemented with the swigs of red wine you’d been saving for a party that will never happen. Sleeping in your room was no longer in the cards, as you would have to pass by the painfully empty room that she used to inhabit in neutral tones with splashes of color in the decor- a dichotomy that you never hesitated to tease her for. Your phone laid out of reach, cold and dead and nothing but a weight in your hand when you did pick it up. 

Everything was half-full, missing a piece that you hadn’t lived without for years.

A loud succession of knocks threw you out of your stupor, bringing your thoughts to a halting stop they hadn’t in days. You had no idea who was bothering you, as the sweet older neighbor who was collecting your mail knew to simply leave it outside for you to grab at the wee hours of the night. 

‘Who is it?” Foolishly, your heart raced with the hope that she had come back to allow you to patch things up. 

“Jesus,” a familiar voice scoffed. “It’s me, Y/N.” Yeonjun. You imagined him posted on the other side of the door, one arm leaning him against the sturdy frame while the other knocked at the door. Glossy black hair falling into his eyes as he tried to catch a glimpse of you through the peephole. Slowly, you shuffled over to the door, skillfully avoiding a stray piece of glass, and unlocked the deadbolt. Yeonjun sighed in relief and mumbled something under his breath that you didn’t quite catch. The door was only open about a foot before he was pushing himself inside, wrapping both muscular arms around your shoulders. He buried his pointed nose into your neck, and the usually affectionate gesture made your stomach twist. 

“God, don’t you ever answer your phone? I’ve been trying to reach you for days.” He held you at an arm’s length, frowning at your obviously unwashed hair and stained clothing. 

“It’s off.” 

“It’s off? Why the hell is it off? Someone might need you- shit, is that glass?” Yeonjun’s eyes widened at the shards you’d come to coexist with, dropping his hands from your arms to squat and examine the pieces further. Exhausted already, you plopped back into your couch indent with a sigh. 

“Why are you here?” 

“Because I was worried about you,” his eyes softened as he set down the few pieces of glass he’d recovered. His warm hands cradled your knees, the touch burning through the fabric of your sweats. “Because I knew that once she left, you’d be a mess. Because I know you aren’t taking care of yourself. Because-” he plopped himself down on the couch next to you, leaving no room between the two of you. A careful hand lifted, pushing strands of your greasy hair behind your ear with a delicacy you craved. “Because I love you.” 

Your stomach lurched. Yeonjun loves you. Part of you knew that. You love him too. Or maybe you used to. Now the thought of him caused a tsunami of emotion, mixing the best moments of your life with the single worst. You loved each other, but what had it cost you? 

“Yeonjun, I- I don’t,” your voice shattered, pricking even your own eardrums as your chest heaved with a cry you’d repressed for a while. For as long as you’d been grieving the loss of your best friend, you’d never cried over the Yeonjun of it all. Deep down, you knew you’d always had real feelings for him. 

The first time your best friend introduced you to him, you felt the kind of magic that you thought only existed in movies. As the good best friend you once were, you tried to keep your distance and let your feelings simmer down. And then the night your friend fell sick even though the three of you had plans came around, and at her insistence, you and Yeonjun went together. In the dark, pulsing club you were hypnotized by how well he moved his hips and made an off-brand joke about wanting to feel them against yours. By the end of the night you were littered with hickeys and walking with a limp you had to play off for two days. 

And for a while, you thought that was really all you’d be- drunk fumbles and hookups shrouded in mystery and shame- and then he’d taken you on a full fledged date. Pizza, beer, a slightly tipsy visit to an arcade; the whole nine yards of charming, and with no sex attached. That’s when you knew you craved more than just the feeling of his skin against yours. You had come to crave the experience of Yeonjun, the way he spoke and laughed and checked up on you after your hardest days at work. 

Now, he cooed, cradling you to his broad chest with a reassuring hand on the back of your neck. The feeling of his skin made you repulsed, accumulating all of the times he’d laid a hand on you to work against your friend. All the times you’d let him touch you, knowing the likely consequences. You shrunk away from him, putting as much distance between the two of you as the couch would allow. 

“Please don’t touch me,” you pleaded, hands shaking. He scrunched his aggravatingly perfect brows as you crossed your arms over yourself. 

“Y/N, what do you mean? Are you hurt, is there something I can-” 

“Stop, please,” you sigh, eyes wandering to the worn fluffy socks adorning your feet. There was an annoying thread that had been rubbing between your toes all day, and you could see it peeking out just enough now that you could try to pull it and maybe you would feel a little bit less uncomfortable in your own skin-

“Y/N?” Yeonjun ventured, trying to wade through whatever emotion you were presenting to him at the moment.

“Just please don’t touch me, Yeonjun. Your skin is poison. It’s poison and I got a taste of it and it fucked up the single best friendship I’d ever had. Your stupid fucking touch,” you hissed, watching him physically recoil. “It’s everything I have ever wanted, and I crave it all the fucking time. And you got me so addicted with all of our little secret touches that I didn’t realize the havoc they would bring into the world where you weren’t touching me because, fuck, I don’t know. I helped you cheat on my best friend? And for a while I didn’t feel bad about it, I was just too god damn busy thinking about your hands, and your mouth, and all of the touches. So please stop touching me.” 

Stunned, Yeonjun sat the stillest you’d ever seen him on your couch. You were broken, and he had done the damage. While part of him wanted to blame it all on you, he knew that he’d ultimately been the one to stick his hands in your normal life and, well, poision it. 

“I’m sorry.” His hand hovered awkwardly just inches away from you, longing to console you. 

“‘Sokay. Just...leave? I’ll shoot you a text when I’m back up and running.” 

With great hesitation, Yeonjun slid off the couch. His hands were stuffed in his pockets as he hovered, waiting to see if you had anything else in you. If you had been able to muster the courage, you would have seen the tears rolling down his full cheeks. 

With one hand on the door, Yeonjun finally spotted the photo from which the glass shards had come, and he picked it up warily. The last of the pieces scattered on the flooring, and he resisted the urge to clean them up. He knew that you’d get to it eventually. He steadied the frame back on the table and cleared his throat in lieu of a painful goodbye. The knob twisted noisily under his hand as he tried not to look back on your beat-down form. 

“Yeonjun,” your voice waivered but kept him silent enough to hear a pin drop. “In case you were wondering- I love you too.” 

[bxllafanficc]

¡Skate/sing your hearts out! (Yuri Plizetsky x reader)

(Part three)

Part one. Part two. Part four part five Masterlist

Summary: After last year's cancellation of Figure Skating Grand Prix, Yuri Plisetsky finds himself unable to bring out his inner skater after a year of doing nothing but enjoy life like a regular teenager. That's when you enter the picture; We Are Voice Grand Awards's currently hottest competitive vocalist come first place two years in a row. Just like the other competitors of Grand Prix, it turns out that Victor and Yuuri faces the same issue. With an arrangement between Victor and Yakov, they agree to travel to Japan and hire you as a mutual coach for Yuri and Yuuri to help bring back the emotion into their performances like before, maybe even more intense than ever. Yuri however, who's never experienced issues with his coaches before, for some reason finds this one particularly difficult to coexist along with in their (reasonably) odd partnership. Warnings: mentions of minor injury, tsundere Yuri

*Yuri's POV*

"Do it again. This time slow down and think every turn through before you start over."

It's worse than he anticipated. How many practices did he cancel exactly? The sweat is pooling at the base of his hairline and he can feel a nerve in his pinky twitch uncontrollably after using his hand to save him from a particularly bad fall after attempting a rushed series of jumps ending in a loop. The all too pleasant sound of the blades of his skates cutting up fresh ice from the surface is mixed with grunts of frustration and rapid panting. His mind tells him to repeat repeat repeat from the start if he gets something wrong. Repeat until he gets it right and then move on.

Yakov is visibly in a bad mood after seeing how much training they had to get done before moving to his sessions with (Y/n). That means hiring her longer than expected and that's something both him and Yakov wants to avoid. Not because they don't have the money, but because she'll be wandering around without a purpose in Japan, waiting for Yuri to get back in shape.

Another fall. Yuri attempts to use his other hand for support and spring on his feet again but the balance fails him since it's the wrong hand and the inner edge of his right skate bends outwards. He stumble for a second but gets right onto repeating the combination. Deadset to move on as fast as possible.

He knew that Yakov said they would be starting tomorrow morning with his time at the rink. Though,  Yuri had a feeling he would need all the extra time he could get.

(Y/n). The aftermath of his first meeting with the all too famous singer started kicking in. All he could do was thinking about it. His harsh behavior and the disappointment in her response. 'Your voice isn't that special'. Why did he say that when she's literally gold winner of the hottest contest in current time? Even worse, why did he say that when until today he had been following her journey through We Are Voice with a great interest? He especially remember the shock of entire Russian population when she chose to compete with 'Scream' by Sergey Lazarev. That song got sent as Russia's participating song in Eurovision Song Contest. The music contest arranged by the European countries each year. Even though it only came in 3rd place that year it certainly felt like we had won with such a legendary cover. Her presence glowing on stage like that with one of the prides of Russia certainly exploded all over the internet.

But now? It felt too surreal to stand in the same room as the (y/n) (l/n) from that performance. Like he shouldn't know stuff like what shampoo she uses or her off-camera personality. It was almost too intimate in a way and Yuri wasn't sure that he wanted to get to know her. And certainly not as his coach. That just felt like some sense of mockery to him. 'Hey, let's pic the girl who won gold for her intense stage-presence because Yuri is that sucky on feeling stuff.' Was the stuff people surely would be saying about him as soon as media got hold on the news. No, not that he cared about what other's said. It was partly true.

Each jump more rushed than the other, his ears tuned out the sound of Yakov's irritated voice at the end of the rink. The only sound he heard was the sound of his skates clashing and his own breath. Somewhere a door opened and he heard quiet voices at the entrance.

Great. An audience. He decided to stop with the combination for one moment and went with a basic camel spin, slowly fading into an upright spin, hoping into a salchow. The intention was to gain some of his dignity back before he would have to go back falling on his face again. But when the rotation of the salchow was off, anger burned up inside him. Now he was determined to get the jump right followed by the combined spins.

"Yuri, you still have to..." Yakov said to him somewhere to his left but he didn't hear much of it. Or was it right? No, behind him. Where was he located again? Doesn't matter, just keep moving.

Where are the walls of the rink? No, just do it.

It's just camel, upright and salcho-

*smack*

A heavy impact to his head and startled gasps somewhere. He was on the ground now, clutching his forehead in his hand. After one look of the object causing the impact he groaned and stood up in a haze. That damned wall. Was he really that caught up in his thoughts that he didn't realize his balance was completely off even before the finishing jump?

He looked around on the people inside the room. Yakov with his furrowed brows and a girl and a man running into a lounge. That must be the piglet's friends. And beside Yakov a few turns away-

(Y/n). Of course she had to see that. After her stern words at dinner time, Yuri had no intention of causing a further scolding from her. Yakov he could handle but her, just ridiculous.

The old man flailed his arms for a motion for Yuri to continue practicing.

"Don't stop now! You haven't gotten it right yet!"

R-right, he stopped moving and ended up staring at the people around him. Even if he didn't get to catch his breath, he still was too far behind to call it a day now. 'This time I'll have to get it right.' He thought and proceeded to finish the camel/upright spin and then-

Yes! He landed on the outer edge with his right foot like expected and took a little skip to finish it off more aesthetically pleasing.

He tried to ignore the blood pounding in his ears as he went back to the previous combination. But once again the loop faltered and the muscles in his hand hissed underneath the ice as he held himself upright.

"Hey, Yuri! You go take a breather, don't ya? And come here while you do."

It was (Y/n) who rested her arms against the edge of the rink. But a confused cough from Yakov made him hesitate and he stood still, waiting for the two of them to decide for him. He should probably keep going-

"But he just got it right!"

"I can tell when someone's on the verge of collapsing. It's very clear that he won't get anything done if you keep it at this rate. Hell, he might even get seriously injured if his limbs don't follow instructions, Yakov. At least grant him a break." The smile (Y/n) gave the man was a sign to say 'no hard feelings' but the tone of her voice said otherwise. After a moment of silence he nodded and waved at Yuri to get off the ice towards (Y/n). But Yuri didn't really want to be alone with her so he went to the opposite side of where she was waiting for him. He earned a questioning look from her but just waved it off with his own hand.

His fingers were cold and stale. It was hard getting a good grip on the shoelaces and getting the blades in its sheathing. He grunted and leaned back against his seat, the skates still on his feet and his hands turned to fists.

"I know you don't need my help." The boy gazes up at the girl beside him. His new coach looks down at him from where he's sitting and takes a seat beside him. A first aid kit and a blanket rests in her lap.

He sits up properly and turns his head away from her, continuing to untie his skates.

"You're right, I don't."

"You're very consistent. I personally think you did a grea-"

"Why are you here anyway? Aren't you supposed to meet your fans or something?" Yuri knew it was risky to cut your coach off mid-sentence but the words came anyway. Besides, is she really a coach if she has zero experience how to teach others? She's just playing like Victor did two years ago and kept doing so. Even if she's no coach, her (h/c) eyes still feels like they are piercing his soul and there no way to shield himself from her. He feels like an open book for her to abuse so... Maybe she's just good at reading emotions and not actually teaching them. How does one teach emotions? What will she be doing exactly?

"That ended hours ago. You weren't at Hot Springs when I returned so Victor figured you'd be here."

Stupid Victor. Couldn't he tell that Yuri didn't want her near?

(Y/n) opened up the first aid kit and Yuri eyed it carefully. She handed him the blanket with an extended arm but he just swatted it away. It fell on the floor and she stared at it blankly. Then she bent forwards and picked it back up, forcefully wrapping it around the skater burrito style.

"Wha- stop it!" He pouted and shot daggers at her once again. This time, he only earned a grin of satisfaction from her as she took a cotton pad and drenched it in hydrogen peroxide.

"You earned a pretty nasty wound when you headbanged the wall, you know." He knew. Blood was dripping into his left eye and made his vision turn red. He started thrashing and trying to eel his way away from her. That caused her to take a steady grip of both of his cheeks and hold him still. The look she gave him said 'don't you dare move again' and she put the drenched cotton against his forehead. Sharp pain exploded from the wound and he hissed. When the pad was removed, a wet tissue swept up the blood on his cheek and on his eyelid. The touch was cool against his hot skin. Some of his vision turned back and he released a small sigh of relief. Lastly a bandaid was put over the wound. He saw (Y/n) judging her work carefully and then she nodded to herself.

He jolted slightly when he felt her grab his hand with careful manners. Her hands spread is fingers cautiously and he felt her thumb swipe over his still twitching pinky.

"You feel this, right? Does it hurt badly?" Her voice was soft like a breeze and it startled him slightly. A moment ago she was rough and stern and now she's soft and tender? And for the record, yes. Yes he does feel that. And he doesn't even want to begin to think of how soft her hands are-

"No... It's nothing." He lied. But what else what he supposed to say anyway. His hand was swollen but he can't skate with a bandage. But depending on the unimpressed look she gave him, he knew she wasn't buying any of his bullshit.

"Then how come your face looks like that when I touch this spot?" She spoke and applied the slightest of pressure in between the joints of his knuckles. He let out a forced 'owowow' at the action and yanked his hand out of her grip.

"Fine! But you don't have to hurt me further then!"

"Then only one hurting you here, is yourself."

She picked up the rolled bandage and grabbed his hand once again. He took a moment to linger his attention on what she said. How is he hurting himself? He's just doing what needs to be done!

Yakov returned to the two of them and stood slightly off to the side. Yuri saw the dismay in his eyes when he saw the bandage (Y/n) held.

"Kid, we're done for today. Take the rest of the day to gain back your energy for tomorrow's practice."

Yuri nodded and kept watching (Y/n) wrap the bandage. Meanwhile, he couldn't help but catch the mild scent of peach and wild berries. But there was something else. Probably (f/c) (favorite scent) and it smelled fantastic for some reason.

"You know, you should probably get settled into your room immediately when we return." (Y/n) spoke up and flashed Yuri a smile.

"I'll help you." She continued but he shook his head.

"No, that won't be necessary!"

"Oh right, there is one more thing I forgot to mention earlier." Yakov leaned against the walls of the rink as (Y/n) finished wrapping Yuri's hand with the bandage. It felt better with the comforting pressure onto his swollen hand. Jokes aside, maybe he could actually find something to enjoy at his stay here.

"Hot Springs and the hotels in Japan are currently all occupied. You will be staying in (Y/n)'s room thought your stay, as roommates."

...

Nevermind, scratch that thought.

[imagine-that-100]

Holiday | Part 14 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’ve been friends with Alex Turner and the other boys from Arctic Monkeys since you were 13. You never for a second thought that Alex would release a song about you though. From late night phone calls and almost constant texting and teasing, you’ve managed to stay close with him over the years. When a pact is established and a holiday is arranged, life seems to be treating you very well. But a month in LA will either make or break you.

Word Count: 13.7K

A/N: Yayyyyy we have another part of Holiday! Sorry it’s slightly later today. Been a long day and I couldn’t really focus when editing it so I’m sorry about the inevitable mistakes. Really hope you all enjoy though! (Note: I’m sure Rita Ora is lovely really. Don’t come for me please) Taglists are always open. Thank you for reading x

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| MASTERLIST IN BIO |

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Flying back to LA was an emotional experience. On one hand you were devastated because you were leaving your comfortable life and your family, but at the same time you were excited to go back and start a life with Alex.

At the airport you were emotional because Y/B/F dropped you off. You said goodbye to your precious car, which was an emotional experience in itself. But obviously saying goodbye to your best friend hurt a hell of a lot more.

You probably hugged each other with tears falling down your face saying you loved each other over and over again for like 5 minutes. For on lookers you both probably looked crazy but to you two it wasn’t long enough.

You found it funny though when you both released each other to wipe your faces and she gave Alex a hug goodbye too.

She started crying on him too which was funny to see as you could tell that they had actually bonded in the time together in your flat. But you felt a little bad as she was now losing two friends instead of one.

Alex tried his best to calm her down and he did pretty well. But her tears stopped completely when he distracted her with information. He tried to sooth her by saying that you’d both be back before she knew it, as you were both coming back home for Christmas.

It seemed to settle her a bit and she was over the moon when Alex told her that he’d already booked her plane ticket for the following summer so she could come and stay with you both for a month.

He also told her that as soon as she knew when her school’s Easter Holidays were, to let him know so he could get the ticket booked so that she could come then too.

So, it was needless to say that you definitely be seeing her a lot and there was no way she’d be forgotten.

After she’d thanked him for all of that, she kissed him which made Alex pause but you laugh at his reaction. It was only a peck on his lips, but you could tell that she was just completely overjoyed that she just needed to thank him.

It was just funny that Alex wasn’t expecting it.

She then gave him the talk that a father would usually give his daughter’s boyfriend, which was extremely comical. She told him that he better take care of you, or he would have her to deal with and she would not hesitate to batter him despite him being a part of her favourite bands.

Alex didn’t doubt her for a second. But he had no intention of ever hurting you, so he was glad he would never have to feel her wrath.

Because he knew she was being deadly serious.

So that was emotional but the night before was on another scale completely. Saying goodbye to your family was really hard.

It was foolish of you to think beforehand that you could handle saying goodbye to your family. It was really difficult, and you wish you hadn’t put eyeliner on beforehand.

But you didn’t want to look like a tramp when you went to say goodbye to Alex’s Mum and Dad before you went to see your family. So that ended in you looking like a raccoon when you inevitably cried.

Thankfully your Mum had some make up wipes and you sorted yourself out before your face got out of hand. Thankfully your sister hadn’t shown up to dinner, so you didn’t have her to say goodbye to.

You’d happily never see her for the rest of your life. You were glad you’d be halfway around the world from her.

But saying goodbye to Zoe was a heartbreaker.

She’d seen you get upset when you gave your brother a hug goodbye which made her a bit upset to whilst she was giving Alex a cuddle. She started tearing up on Alex’s lap which for the first few minutes you didn’t even notice because Alex was handling it so well.

It was only when Alex waved you over when he needed you to confirm for her that the both of you wouldn’t be gone forever. You held back your own tears when you saw the tears in her eyes.

She said that she didn’t want you to go which broke your heart, but you told her that she could FaceTime you whenever she wanted. That you’d be back for Christmas and that you’d promised to take her to the cinema when you got back so you could both see the new Disney films.

It made her really happy when Alex said that she could come and see the both of you in the school holidays at some point next year. Alex suggested that everyone in your family (Not your sister) could come over at the end of summer which you’d spoken to him about a few days before.

And you were pretty excited for it because he suggested that his Mum and Dad could come over too and have a week overlap which you thought would be a great idea. You knew both your Mum’s got on because there had been multiple times in school where the both of you had parent’s evenings and they would chat for ages.

Something which you and Alex never minded about because it meant that you could chill out with each other for a while longer. From what you could remember both your Dad’s got on well too, so you think that a summer holiday where everyone came over would be a great idea.

It wasn’t like the house wasn’t big enough for you all to coexist peacefully.

Thankfully Zoe was happy again by the time that you were leaving to go back to the flat. You said your goodbyes to your Mum and Dad at the door and let a few more tears fall but you hid them away from Zoe.

You wanted to leave with everyone having a smile on their face. And thankfully everyone did, it was just that you had tears in your eyes.

Your Mum and Dad were excited for you and that made you really happy.

So, when both you and Alex got into the car and got waved off by your family you felt a bit better. Still emotional but who wouldn’t be in the same situation.

Alex was the best too he was there any time you needed a hug or any sort of comfort so that was definitely a bonus.

Alex had elected to drive back home because he didn’t want you driving upset which you thanked him for. As you both made your way back to your flat, you had to pass his parent’s house again and you also had to pass the park that once upon a time you used to spend every evening you could at.

So, as you started to approach the gates of the park, you asked Alex, “I know it’s really weird, but can we walk around the park?”

The sun was just setting so you thought it was a beautiful time to have a little walk. Clear your mind after your emotional afternoon.

“Yeah course” Alex says and so he pulls to the side of the road and parks up. Back in high school the unspoken rule was that after you finished school at 3:15pm, all of your friendship group would reconvene at this park for 4:30 or 5 at the latest, before you all moved on to another spot further into the park.

Then you would all sit and chat the night away until your groups started dissipating because people had to venture home to have their dinner. Thinking about it, that was probably the reason why you and Alex liked having dinner late now.

That being because your subgroup of friend tried their best to stay out later so you could be in each other’s company for longer. That was the only reason you didn’t like going to your Mum’s for Sunday roasts now, because she serves the food at like 5 and you were used to eating around 7 or 8.

Both you and Alex got out of the car and made your way into the park hand in hand and you couldn’t help but smile, seeing everything was exactly the same as you remembered.

“We going to our spot?” Alex asked you and you nodded.

“Where else?” You grinned.

You both remembered the way to where your group used to spend their spare time surprisingly well. They were some of the best days of your life, some shit too but you did love being around all your mates.

As you walked, Alex asked you a question that took you by surprise.

“Are you sure you wanna come back to LA?”

You looked at him immediately your eyes wide. He just had a sad smile on his lips.

Shocked by his question you tell him quickly, “Yeah. God yeah. If you want me there anyway”

“Course I do, I just understand if you don’t want to leave your family” Alex told you truthfully.

He felt bad that it was basically his fault that you’d been upset all afternoon. He just didn’t want to anyway force you to do something that you’d regret.

You smile at him, “Well I always knew it was going to be difficult, but I definitely want to go.

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to because I asked you too. Like I don’t want you to come because you feel like you have to” Alex tries and explains to you.

You smile at him and give his hand a squeeze before telling him, “No I promise I do. I’m ready for that another adventure… And I wanna be wherever you are”

“Why’s that?” Alex asked you with a cheeky grin on his face.

He felt a little better knowing that you did actually want to move.

You rolled your eyes knowing that he was only asking because he wanted to hear you say it again.

“That would be because I love you” You say with a grin.

“I love you too” Alex chuckled, before he dipped his head, so his lips caught yours.

You kissed him back for a second before you had to pull away because you were both still walking towards the hidden field you spent most of your youth in. It wasn’t a long walk to the field that was mostly surrounded by trees, but it was a fair few minutes, so you just spoke your mind as you walked.

“I’m so glad that you’re not leaving before me and that we’re on the same flight” You told him.  

Alex looked at you curiously and asks, “Why?”

“I don’t like it when you leave here” You say as stop for a second to zip up your coat.

“How come?” He wonders.

“Reminds me of a bad day” You say as you link Alex’s arm this time as you begin to walk again.  

He looks at you slightly confused, not really remembering a bad say on this park.

You continue to explain, “The day you were all going down to London and then you secretly told me that you’d be heading to New York”

Alex remembered that day. It was after the Whatever People Say I Am tour.

You’d all come home, and he remembered telling you that him and the lads were only having another month back home before moving down to London. So, you all decided that the day before they were going to leave, you were going to do everything that you all usually did.

At that point though, the group had just dwindled down to you, the boys and Andy too, because he was still mates with them, despite leaving the band.

“But the last day here we all spent it together. Did everything we usually did but just said our proper goodbyes at the end. And then I walked you back home like I usually did” Alex asked you, double checking he remembered correctly.

“Yeah” You nodded. “But that day was up there with the worst ones of my life”

Alex looked confused at that revelation. He remembered it being a really good day, so he didn’t know what had happened to make you think that.

“But I thought that w-“ Alex started but you thought it was best to interrupt and explain.

“I was losing all my friends… I was losing you” You tell him.

Both of you then turn onto the path that isn’t really a path that will take you to your field.

You continue on as you do so, “And I know I couldn’t have been with you like we are now, because you were with Alexa, but that was still a hard day for me”

You smile as the field opens up in front of you both. It was like it hadn’t changed at all.

The only difference was that it wasn’t full of teenagers anymore.

“But I swear you said how much of a good day you had?” Alex said sceptically with furrowed eyebrows.  

“Yeah, the day was good, but in the evening, I wanted to cry for most of it... As we were all messing about all I could think is that I wasn’t going to get this ever again” You tell him as you both sit down on the grass where you used to.

And you weren’t wrong. That was the last time you’d come to this field.

“You don’t know how much effort I put in to keep smiling that day” You smile down at the grass and pick at a few strands of it with your free hand.

Alex grabs your attention again and says, “Y/N, you’re too strong for your own good. You were allowed to be upset. God knows we all were. Do you not remember Matt’s mini breakdown?”

You smile and look at him when you say, “Yeah but I had to be more positive after that. He wouldn’t have gone easily if I had a breakdown, would he?”

“Probably not but that doesn’t mean it should have been down to you to stay happy for us all” Alex throws his arm around your shoulders as you say that.

“Al, I think I would have cried the whole day away. I was so proud of myself after I hugged you goodbye at my door that I’d actually got through the day without slipping…” You tell him as you lean into him and look up to the sky that’s turning a deeper shade of orange.

“Because god knows I cried when I got inside” You smiled at the embarrassing memory.

“Noooo” Alex looked round at you.

“Oh yeah. Like cried myself to sleep sort of crying” You laughed at yourself a little bit as you looked into Alex’s brown eyes.

“Come here” He says and practically pulls you into him to give him a sideways hug.

“I’m sorry” Alex murmured before kissing the top of your head.

“Don’t be sorry” You say as you release him from the hug. “I was happy for you all, like so unbelievably thrilled that you’d made it. I was so happy for you”

“But you were still upset” He pouts which makes you smile.

He was so cute feeling bad for something that had happened years before. You’d never resented him at all for it at all.

He was doing what he needed to do to be successful and you were happy it all paid off for him in the end.

“Well yeah. Isn’t everyone when their world changes completely?” You say looking at the pretty man beside you.

“You’re making me feel worse” Alex says as he runs a hand through his hair.

“Stop feeling bad” You chuckle before nudging him with your shoulder. “You were living your life. God knows if I had the money coming in that you’d all had; I would have moved too”

Alex grabs your hand again and gives it a squeeze, “But that can’t have been nice for you”

“It wasn’t but it was for the best in the end. I ended up not being obsessed with you anymore and found a decent job to get me through Uni and I got myself a boyfriend” You smile at the memories of what once was.

It was mad how things changed over time. Yeah, you’d always fancied Alex but not for a second did you ever think that you would end up with him.  

“Mad how we both fancied each other but kept it to ourselves for so long, ain’t it?” Alex has a little chuckle before looking at ever changing colourful sky too.

“Not like we could have aired it at certain points” You can’t help but smile.  

Alex chuckles at what you said too, “Nah, I think our other halves would have been a bit annoyed to say the least”

“I’m so glad we drunkenly arranged that holiday” You say as you look back around at him.

He’s already smiling at you when you turn to him. You grin when he says, “Literally the best decision either of us has ever made”

“I’m so glad Matt got Bre preggers too, or I’d have been at Matt’s” You say as you lean your head onto his shoulder.

You feel him shrug his shoulders just before he says, “I think Matt would have wing-manned me and got you to stay at mine anyway… He was literally trying to get us together the whole time you were over”

That was a revelation to you.

You hadn’t picked up on that at all.  

You asked with furrowed eyebrows, “Wait Matt knew before anything happened?”

“Yeah” Alex says like it was obvious, so you pick your head up to look at him as he spilled the truth.

“Y/N I’ve been on the phone to you almost every night for the last two years. Everyone knew” Alex tells you with a smile as he tucks your head behind your ear.  

You needed a full second to process that.

You thought back through the entirety of your holiday and still didn’t quite see Matt wing-manning him. But it definitely made Miles’ actions a bit more understandable.

The constant innuendos, the trying to get you to reveal things that you definitely didn’t want to. Even him silently suggesting you kiss Alex at the bar.

“I guess Miles’ jokes make a bit more sense now” You shake your head with a smile on your lips.

“Yeah, he was trying to get under my skin, not yours. Especially when we watched Fifty Shades” Alex nudged you with his shoulder and you laughed.

“Well I got the best outcome, so I’d go through it again” You tell him with a grin.

Alex looked from your beautiful eyes down to your lips as he said, “So would I” before he kissed you.

How was it that you still felt nervous kissing him after all this time? You’d definitely had your fair share of kisses at this point but the way he made you feel when he took over your lips with his was like nothing else.

When Alex pulled away you lent your head down on his shoulder for a few minutes in silence. You both savoured the feeling of being home for a while longer.

You liked that you were sat in one of the places that you both felt most free. Other than your friends, there were no prying eyes to the shenanigans that you all got up to.

And you were all always so happy here.

Well maybe except for one time.

“Want to know something funny?” You ask your boyfriend as your head still rests on his shoulder.

“Go on” Alex says as he kisses your head.  

“Last day of high school, I had a meltdown right there…” You say pointing just to the left of you, to a spot about 5 meters of so from you.

You continue, “Because I saw you and Jennifer get off like just in front of me”

Jennifer was just some pretty girl in school. You didn’t mind her usually but after you saw that interaction, you went right off her.

“You’re joking?” He says and you can hear the shock in his voice.

“No. I so upset” You smile at your childishness as you pick your head up to look back at Alex. “Millie had to pull me to the side and make sure I was okay”

Alex asked you, “I’m assuming Millie knew you liked me?”

Millie was your best friend throughout the whole of high school. You both told each other everything back then.

You were gutted when her parents moved down to London after she’d finished high school.

You still spoke to her sometimes. Always messaged each other on birthdays and sent each other little presents.

The last time she’d messaged you was when you announced that you and Alex were official on your Instagram. You’d had a good catch up with her that night and you were happy that she was happy for the two of you.

“Yeah” You confirm, “And I remember that she’d been telling me all that night that you’d been looking over at me, so she reckoned you liked me too… But then I saw you get off with Jennifer and I was gutted”

“Aw Y/N/N” Alex smiles at you and gives your hand a squeeze.

“It’s alright though because I joined in that game of spin the bottle and got my first kiss with Max” You grin a little proud of that.

Not everyone could say that they had their first proper kiss with the fittest guy in their school year. It certainly made you feel better that night.

“That was your first kiss?” Alex asks you and you nod at him with a smile on your face.

Alex furrowed his eyebrows at you followed up with, “Why are you grinning?”

“Because he was fit at the time” You admit.

Alex scoffs at that which makes you laugh. He starts chuckling too, only faking disappointment in you, until something clicks in his head which makes him stop laughing.

“Wait, so your telling me you had your first kiss to spite me?” Alex asks you.

You press your lips together having been caught out, “You know I’m petty like that”

“I can’t believe you got off with my mate because you were fuming at me” Alex shakes his head at you.

The faking disappointment may have worked better for him if he didn’t have the smile creeping onto his face.

You just shrug and giggle a little bit. Alex then throws his arm back around your shoulder and you think he’s going to kiss your head again but your surprised when he starts speaking.

“Just as good that I kissed Jennifer to make you jealous then, wasn’t it?” He whispered in your ear and your gasped the loudest you ever had.

“You didn’t” You look at him completely shocked.

You could see on his face that it was true.

He nods and tells you, “Matt suggested that to see if you liked me at all to kiss someone else to see if you’d be jealous or not afterwards”

Well that was a fucking stupid idea. You didn’t get jealous though, so that was a stupid idea.

“Well that was pointless. You could tell if I liked you or not by you kissing me and see if I kissed you back”

“Same could be said for you” Alex fairly points out.

You go a bit shy on him when you admit, “I was never that brave”

He then smirks at you, “So, something changed in fifteen years then? Because you had no trouble doing it at that bar”

“Yes Al, it’s called growing up” You giggle.

At that though, Alex stands up and offers you his hands so he can help you stand up too. You grab his hands and he pulls you up with a big grin on his lips.

“What are we doing?” You question.

“We’re doing what we should have done back then” Alex says as he drags you over to the spot where you had your meltdown years ago.

“Stay there for a second” Alex says patting your shoulders before walking into the field a few meters.

“I think I was somewhere over here, right?” Alex estimates and spins himself back round so you can confirm it for him.

You chuckle and nod at him.

“You’ve got to be your old self. You can’t be cocky mister confident even when we’re messing about” You tell him.

Alex raises his hands in an innocent way which makes you giggle. You then watch as he sits himself down onto the grass and gets himself into a relaxed position.

He acts for a minute and looks around the field and pretends he’s chatting to people. You hold back your laughter as you watch him. After a few seconds of that he looks over to you and a smile immediately makes its way to his face.

“Y/N/N come over here?” He calls.

You see that he’s literally got all his defences down as you see the cheeky grin that he used to have on his face all the time is back. Just how you remembered him in school.

You press your lips together to hold back the smile on your face and walk over. Once you reach him you sit down in the same way that he was sat but so you were facing him instead.

Your faces were about a foot away from each other and you smiled at him innocently, waiting for the little sketch to carry on.

“Why aren’t you playing spin the bottle?” Alex asks you, nodding to somewhere behind you as if there actually was people playing it.

You shrug your shoulders. You think what you back then would have said and end up coming up with, “Because I don’t want to kiss any of them”

“Not even Max?” Alex asks you with a smile sneaking onto his face.

You let out a little giggle before you regain your composure and shake your head, “No, not even Max”

“That’s a shame” Alex says before brushing off his jeans but not making any attempt to move away from you.

“Why’s that?”

Alex says as he looks down to the little bit of grass that was between you as he says, “Because maybe I could have kissed you if we played”

Smooth fucker.

You doubted he’d say that to you back then, but you went with it anyway. When his dark eyes flicked back up to meet yours, you held back most of your smile, so you weren’t grinning like an idiot.

“Well, there’s nothing stopping us right now?” You say as innocently as you can.

And then Alex proceeded to lean forward and kiss you sweetly for a few seconds before it progressed into something more heated. Which you were sure would have made you completely obsessed with him back then.

“That was fun” You say just after you took a deep breath.

“Yeah it was…” He says before looking back to you with a full smile now. You know he’s leaving the charade behind when he says, “Maybe we could do it again sometime?”

“Yeah… Maybe in a pub in LA thirteen years later” You offer with a grin.

“That’s a bit too long” Alex says before he grabs your face and pulls you back in for round 2.

~*~*~*~

You’d been back in America for just over a month now and you’d settled in nicely just like you did when you originally went. You settled into a routine over there which was pretty fun to get used to but there wasn’t really much difference from your holiday.

So, in the free time that you had before you had to start work you got used to driving over there. You would need to be comfortable heading into the city for work in just over a month’s time, so Alex was coming out on little drives with you.

He definitely helped you out as you were initially nervous about everything being the opposite way around. But you seemed to get the hang of it pretty quickly.

You even ended up dipping into some of your savings so you could get yourself a car as you definitely did not want to be driving Alex’s fancy ones around all the time. He initially was against it saying you could just use one of his because he obviously couldn’t use them all at one.

However, you twisted his arm and made him take you to the Mini garage and you got yourself a Mini with a convertible roof. Because if you were going to live in a country where it was sunny most of the time you may as well make the most of it.

You loved your little car and you loved your first month living with your boyfriend. And you were having the best time.

For the moment you were all hanging out together in each other’s houses because Alex and Miles had pretty much finished their album. Matt was going in and helping them on occasion to do backing vocals and Breana was resting herself as she was getting close to her due date.

So, for the first 4 weeks you were over there, it was all very relaxed, and you were enjoying it. You’d spent a lot of time with Breana who you really loved, and she was already becoming a really close friend.

You both gossiped with each other a hell of a lot which was always fun. And you both had serious chats as well which was good because you knew you could trust her with anything that you’d say, and you could tell her in confidence.

Most of the time though you were listening to her worries about the baby, but you had every faith in her, and you knew that she was going to be the best Mum. If she could take care of Matt, she could definitely handle a baby.

It was about a week into October when you and Breana were having a day to yourselves whilst the lads were in the studio adding some extras into their songs. Matt was with them to add more backing vocals, so you and Breana were making the most of their absence and glamming each other up.

You had lazily driven down the long road to Matt and Breana’s with your makeup bag and a bag of nail polishes. You ended up trying out different eyeshadow looks on each other which was really fun.

You’d given her a really cute pink look that she seemed to love. And she’d given you a darker look but with a pop of colour under your eye.

After you’d done each other’s nails and make up, you both just have a relaxing afternoon. You watch some shitty TV that the boys would never let you watch without complaining the whole way through and you gossip a lot too.

Breana had just gone out of the room you were both set up in when you heard her shout you. You thought nothing of it and got yourself up heading just into the other room where you saw that she was stood.

“Yeah?” You said.

She turned to look at you and her eyes were completely wide.

“My waters just went… I’m gunna have my baby Y/N/N” Breana smiles at you, shock clear on her face but also happiness was radiating from her.

“You are” You giggle before you give her a hug because you can see that she was excited as well as being nervous.

“Right come on. Let’s get you to the hospital” You say and take her hand and lead her towards her front door.

“Wait I need to get the bag I prepped that’s in the nursery” She says pulling back a second.

“You get in my car I’ll run up and get it” You say before fishing your keys out of your pocket and hand them to her.

Once you were running up the stairs to grab the bag for her, you were also immediately calling Matt. You called him about 3 times before you made it to your car after getting the bag and locking up their house and there was no answer.

So, at that point you tried to call Alex as Breana was next to you trying to phone Matt. You were both getting annoyed as the ringing carried on for ages and you were going to bollock them about having their phones on silent when you saw them.

In the car Breana also had her first contraction, so you also had to keep an eye on the time to see how long they lasted for and how fast they were occurring. So needless to say, it was the most stressful car journey that you’d ever experienced.

After you’d called Alex another 10 times you decided he was useless and decided to give Miles a call instead. And thank god he answered his phone the second time you called it.

“Hello” You hear the Scouse accent come through your car speakers.

At that point both you and Breana released a sigh of relief that you’d got through to them.

“Miles, thank fuck. Tell your fucking mates to answer their fucking phones” You say absolutely fuming.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?” He questions hearing how frustrated you sounded.

You nod even though he couldn’t see you and start to explain, “Yeah everything’s okay but we’re on our way to the hospital. Bre’s waters have gone. The baby on the way, so get your arses to the hospital now”

Miles stupidly then asked you in shock, “Are you being serious?”

“Why would you think I was joking, you melt!? Get in your cars now!” You almost shout over the phone.

You knew Alex had picked Matt up this morning and you also knew Miles would have driven himself like usual.

There is no hesitation when you hear Miles sternly tells your boyfriend, “Al get your car keys now”

“Why what?” You hear him say through the phone.

Miles ignores him though telling the soon to be father, “Matt you’re having your baby mate”

“What? Is that Bre? Is she okay?” You can both here the panic in his voice.

“It’s Y/N but Bre’s with her. Her waters have gone” Miles calmly tells him as you turn into the car park for the hospital.

Matt can be heard panicking saying, “Let me speak to her”

“Bre, baby, are you okay?” Matt’s voice then becomes clear on the phone

“I’m okay Matt. I need you” Breana tells him.

By the looks of her, you think she was just relieved to hear his voice.

He’s a little flustered when he says, “I’m coming, we’re just leaving”

“Okay well were at the hospital now. Get here quick” She instructs him.

“I’m on my way” Matt tells her reassuringly.

Breana asks him, “Call my Mom and Dad for me Matt please” as you park up the car in a spot.

“I’ll do it now. I love you Bre”

“Love you too” She tells him, and in your peripherals, you can see her smile.

Once she’s finished her declaration of love, you interrupt with, “Right Matt I’m taking her in now. Tell Al to hurry the fuck up”

“Keep her safe for me Y/N/N” Matt tells you and you smile.

“Always. Now hurry up” You say before you end the call and get the both of you out of the car.

The longest half an hour of probably all of your lives then took place whilst you waited for them to get to the hospital. You try and keep Breana as calm as you can though throughout her contractions.

Thankfully they were still pretty far apart so she definitely wasn’t going to be giving birth just yet, so Matt had time. But of course, she would want him here over you.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t make the most of you being with her.

“You know Y/N, I thought I was going to be coming into this hospital looking like a pig when this baby was coming but thanks to you, I feel pretty glam. Or I did before I was put in this gown” She had a little giggle which you joined in with.

You tell her honestly giving her hand a quick squeeze, “Bre you could have walked in here with your hair in a messy bun, no make-up or nail polish or anything and you would still have looked beautiful”

“Wow can I marry you instead of Matt?” She jokes with a smile.

You just giggled. But then you see someone run past the window and you both could tell that it was Matt.

“I think he’s excited Bre” You giggle to her as you stand up.

“Thank you for getting me here Y/N/N” Breana says as she gives your hand a squeeze.

You smile at her before you lean down to give her a hug. “It was my pleasure. You’re going to do amazing Bre. And I can’t wait to meet little Helders soon”

“Neither can I” She giggles as you pull away.

“Right, I’m going to go slap our men and tell them to never put their phones on silent ever again before I send him into you” You joke with her as you make your way to the door.

She laughs at that and says that she’ll do the same once her little boy or girl has made an appearance.

“Love you Breana” You look back to her as say with a big smile.

“Love you too Y/N” She tells you and just before you leave the room you smile at her and blow her a kiss.

You find Matt and Alex a minute later where Matt traps you in a quick hug thanking you loads of times. You tell him that everything fine and explain what’s happened which in truth wasn’t a lot, but you were all thankful for that because at least Matt was here for her now.

You and Alex then go to the private waiting room as you were in the private section of the hospital and you both wait there for further news. Matt asked if you would both wait, which you of course would do for him.

In that time, you and Alex were in contact with Matt’s parents and Breana’s parents making sure they could both get here okay. Alex had booked Matt’s Mum and Dad them tickets to get on the next plane over here so they could come and meet their grandchild.

Breana’s Mum and Dad were in a different state so they were driving over as quickly as they could. They said they would be with you in about 3 hours or so.

When you and Alex sorted all of that stuff out there wasn’t much left to do but sit and wait. And as you did that you’d got chatting.

He informed you that on their way to the hospital Miles got a puncture in the tire of his car, so he’d had to stop and wait for breakdown to come and get him. So, it was it was lucky that they both went in separate cars after all.

Then you got chatting whilst you were both waiting. The conversation went from you jokingly telling Alex to never but his phone on silent again which made him laugh but also apologise.

He then commented that you looked very nice and gestured to your eyes which made you laugh. You forgot that Breana had given you like a smoky eye shadow look but then added a touch of teal under your eye which made your Y/E/C stand out.

The teal also matched your nail polish which you applauded Breana for coming up with. You weren’t that observant usually, but you really liked the vibe.

After she’d done your make up to match your nails, you ended up doing her make up to match her nails too. She’d chosen a baby pink nail polish so that was what you’d gone for with her eyeshadow. You did a soft pink look on her which came out really well.

After you explained that you were doing each other’s make-up just before Breana’s waters had broken, different topics of conversation arose. And unsurprisingly you chatted about the situation you were both currently in came up.

You both started talking about the both of you waiting and how important it was that they both had the two of you there as support if they needed it. Especially considering none of their other support networks were around them.

“Yeah definitely, I’d want him to be here if it was the other way around” Alex tells you with a smile, even though he knows you couldn’t see his face because you were resting your head on his shoulder.

He continues, “Makes me happy thinking about the possibility of us going through this at some point”

“You want kids?” You ask him, picking your head up off his shoulder to look at him.

“Well not right away, but yeah I definitely do” Alex tells you and that was a relief to you.

The one thing that you wanted in life was to be a Mum. So, him saying that made you so happy.

You ask, not being able a keep the smile off your face, “Really?”

“Yeah” Alex nodded and asked, “Is it that hard to believe I wanna have kids with you?”

You’re beaming at that, “No. I’m just happy that you actually do”

The grin that breaks out on Alex’s face was like nothing you’d seen before. “We can wait a while though, right? I want a bit more than just the three months alone with you”

You giggle but nod, “Yeah. I want another album out of you at the very least before we even think about it”

“Well the next Puppets album gets released next year” Alex grins at you.

You laugh at his efforts. Absolutely not.

You shake your head, “Nope I want a Monkeys one. You’re not just leaving me with AM. I know you’ve got songs in that head of yours already written for it”

“Okay okay” Alex laughs.

“But yeah I’ll have your kids Alex. It’s a cross I’ll be willing to bare” You joke, and he chuckles before kissing you quickly.

You kiss him back and the grin at him stupidly for a moment. “Oh my god. Jamie’s, Nick’s, Matt’s and our kids will be called the Little Monkeys. Oh my god. Call Domino now” You joke.

“I hate you” Alex laughs shaking his head at your sense of humour. You’re so easily impressed it never fails to make him laugh.

“But you want my little monkeys?” You furrow your eyebrows at him playfully.

Alex nods chuckling, “I really do”

After that you and Alex just sit in a peaceful silence for a few seconds just grinning like idiots as you look around the room.

After staring into space for a solid minute Alex turns back to you and asks, “Can we continue practicing trying for kids though?”

You burst into giggles and nod.

“Yeah we can practice all you like” You laugh before kissing his cheek and resting your head on his shoulder again as you intertwine your hands.

About two hours later Matt walks into your private waiting room and he has the cutest smile and the glossiest eyes. You’ve never seen Matt close to tears before, but you can tell they are happy tears.

“I’ve got a baby girl Al” Matt says as soon as he makes eye contact with Alex and you both stand up.

Alex is over to Matt in mere seconds and you watched as they gave each other the biggest hug. And because of this emotional day you started tearing up just at that, if you got to see the baby today you didn’t even want to imagine your reaction.

“Are they both okay?” Alex asks him as they still hug each other.

“Yeah they’re amazing” Matt is smiling, and you can see the tears running down his face.  

“She came about fifteen minutes ago…” Matt starts explaining that she was healthy and that she came quickly once it was time and how much she weighed.

You were just getting emotional hearing that both Breana and their baby girl were okay and from watching as both men just looked at each other with massive smiles on their faces.

You can hear Alex’s smile as he gives Matt another hug telling him, “I’m so happy for you mate”

“Thank you” Matt gives him a tight squeeze before letting him go when he makes eye contact with you.

Matt smiles at you, telling you, “Don’t you cry, you’ll set me off even more” as he wipes away his own tears.

“They’re both okay?” You double check with tears still brimming your eyes.

“They’re great” Matt nods and he pulls you into a hug.

“I’m so happy for you” You say into his shoulder.

Matt chuckles and says, “Thanks Y/N/N”

He hugs Alex again once he’s lets go of you, and it’s like he’s clinging to him for dear life. They were such fucking cute best mates.

“I’ll come and get you when you can see her” Matt says sort of excitedly.

“Okay” Alex says as Matt heads back to the door but then he remembers to ask.

“You heard anything from Bre’s Mum?” He asks you.

You inform him on the conversation you had with her about 20 minutes ago, “They are stuck in traffic. The motorway is at a standstill, but they are on their way”

“I’ll get someone to tell you if they show up. And you’re Mum and Dad are on a flight over too” Alex tells him.

Matt nods and says, “Thank you” and has a second to himself where he looks like he doesn’t know if he should stick around here a bit longer or go back.

So, you make the decision for him.

“Go and see your baby” You tell him as he’s hovering.

“Okay” Matt smiles at the both of you, “Love you guys… Thanks for staying”

“We love you too, now go” Alex says as Matt’s obviously itching to get back.

You turn and hug Alex and let out a breath as his arms go around you. You were so relieved everything was alright.

You ended up meeting the gorgeous baby girl that was Amelia Helders about 40 minutes later. She was gorgeous just like her Mum and Dad.

Both you and Alex got a little cuddle of her which was amazing. You don’t think that you’d ever been the fourth person to hold someone’s new-born baby before.

As Alex held her before you did, you chatted to Breana telling her how amazing she was and even playfully scorned her for looking just as beautiful after childbirth as she had beforehand. She had done absolutely amazing.

You were holding little Amelia in the chair just next to Breana’s bed, Matt was on a chair just in front of you and Alex was on the chair to the side of you. It was like you were all forming a protective circle for the little angel that had just graced you all with her appearance.

As you were looking down at the beautiful little girl, Matt took up your attention by asking his best mate, “Al, how would you like to be her godfather?”

“Really?” Alex asked, completely taken aback.

“Yeah we were talking about it the past few months and think you’d spoil her rotten like a good Uncle should” Matt grinned at him.

Alex’s smile literally couldn’t get any bigger when he said, “I’d be honoured”

You watched with a massive smile as he gave Matt another hug and then gave Breana a kiss on the cheek. She smiled at him before she then said, “Right so her Uncle Alex is going to spoil her rotten, so I think that her Aunt Y/N/N should be the more responsible godparent”

“Are you?” You had to double check looking between the both of them that you weren’t reading into anything, but Breana started nodding at you.

“Are you sure?” You ask completely shocked.

Never for a second would you have thought that you would have been asked to be their baby’s godmother.

“Y/N/N the amount you’ve helped me over the last few months was enough for me to know that you’re going to love her just as much as me and Matt” Breana speaks honestly.

She adds on the end in jest, “And as long as you promise to tell me if she comes to you to asking for condoms when she’s a wild teenager then you’re definitely the perfect candidate”

She had you laughing at that. It was funny as well when Matt almost gasped saying, “Don’t want to think about that just yet, thanks Bre”

That makes all of you have a little giggle, but you start welling up again. God you didn’t think you were this emotional.

“Stop or I’m going to cry on your little girl” You say tilting your head back, so no tears fell.

The whole room had a good little giggle at that, and you handed Breana her beautiful little Amelia back.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After that day, life seemed to get a bit more hectic for everyone. You were prepping for work in the week that followed and also going around to see Matt, Breana, and Amelia when you could. However, you did want to give them some space because they did have a house full of people as both Matt’s and Breana’s parents were staying there.

Eventually the time came for you to start work and you’d be lying if you said that you weren’t excited. Because you really really were.

Literally the only productive things you’d done the past month was arrange your wardrobe how you wanted it, get your own car, and shag Alex. And whilst all that was fun, especially the latter, you were really excited for getting creative again.

And even after your successful first week in work you got to be just as creative on the Saturday following it because it was Halloween. Alex had arranged your costumes and as it turns out you were all going as DC characters.

Alex was being The Riddler which you never thought you would find attractive but as soon as he put that suit on you were extremely turned on. Especially when he asked you to put on his eyeliner for him.

Alex had got you a full-blown Cat Woman outfit, which was skin-tight for a start, but you had to say he chose well because it made you look good. You had on leather heeled boots and leather gloves too, along with the eye mask, ears and the utility belt.

Needless to say, when you walked out in its Alex’s jaw dropped to the ground.

It was definitely the sexiest you’d ever felt on Halloween but also at the same time you were in an expensive costume for it, so you didn’t think that you were being a slut. Your suit was zipped all the way to the top and it would be staying that way until Alex unzipped it for you when you got back home.

You’d done dark eyeshadow for it with a winged eyeliner to add to the overall look and you’d also straightened your hair and styled it back like Anne Hathaway’s was in the film.

Miles had come round dressed as Heath Ledger’s Joker which was fun, and you had a little giggle at. Both suits looked really good on them.

Matt was meant to be going as Superman and Breana was meant to be going as Poison Ivy but of course they had Amelia to look after now and she was only two weeks old, so you didn’t blame them skipping the party.

You ended up having a really fun night. It was even amusing when Miles kept handing you joker cards all night thinking he was funny and Alex telling people, but mostly you, riddles all night.

Some of the riddles Alex was telling you were mostly innocent ones that you hated yourself that you didn’t get. But you put it down to you drinking doubles all night.

You did pick up on a few of his riddles though, some which you were pretty proud of. Others you wish you didn’t get as they were whispered to you because you knew the answer was suggestive.

“I have four legs and a head but can’t walk, what am I?”

Bed.

“Tell me the place where we confirmed we were going out. It’s a place where the lights are sometimes turned out”

Bedroom.

“Some people prefer being on top, other prefer being on the bottom and it always involves a bed. What am I?”

Bunk bed.

But then he was teasing you to a new extreme when he started with the dirtier ones.

You were stood at the bar with Alex’s hand around your waist watching as the bartender who was dressed as a zombie poured your drinks. You were paying attention to the guy serving your drinks instead of Alex which made him pull you into his side unexpectedly.

You weren’t exactly shocked by what he did, but you also weren’t expecting it which made you turn to look at him. You could already see the mischief in his eyes before he lent towards you and whispered into your ear, “Riddle me this love… What’s long and hard and has cum in it?”

Immediately something comes to mind and you look to him with your eyebrows raised suggestively. Alex runs his tongue over his bottom lip which you later realised was a ploy to make you look at his lips which you really fell for.

You see his lips twitch into a half smirk before you look back up at his dark eyes which looked even darker because of the eyeliner you’d done earlier. You were practically drooling for him at this point and picturing how you were going to undress him later on.

“Darling, the answers cucumber. Don’t look at me like that” Alex tells you and the smirk on his face gets bigger.

You shake your head at that and pay the bartender before only grabbing your own drink off before you go and dance with Miles on the dance floor. You made sure that you strutted away in a way that would make him look at your arse.

If he was going to tease you, you would tease him right back.

The next time he does it was about two hours later, so you weren’t expecting it again. You were watching him smoke his cigarette as you were hoping to cool down.

You were leant back against the wall of the building, willing the coolness of the bricks to seep through the material you were wearing. As you did that, you were looking at that beautiful suit he was wearing and shamelessly looking at his arse.

It wasn’t your fault though it just looked so good. Whoever had fitted him for that suit needed a medal because wow.

“Hey” Alex caught you looking at him which made you press your lips together coyly.

“You know I never thought I would be attracted to the Riddler. But here I am?” You say with a smile as he stubs his cigarette out and walks towards you.

His hands run up your body like he’s tracing the outline of it before they eventually rest on your hips. He stands that close to you now that your forced into the wall which made your smirk get bigger.

You brought your hands up to wrap them around his neck and as you did, you fixed his hair as a few strands were coming loose which you knew he would hate. As you did that for him, he told you in a low voice, “Well you know, when I watched Anne Hathaway as Cat Woman, I didn’t expect the character to get any better but here you are proving me wrong”

It was at that point that you laced your fingers in the back of his hair and pulled in towards you because you needed your boyfriends’ lips on your own. And like you expected he wasn’t holding anything back. He was fully taking on the role of a villain and he was torturing you by pressing you into the wall, tightly gripping your hips and biting down on your lip until a quiet moan slipped from your mouth.

It was like you both forgot that other people surrounded you. But you both didn’t seem to care at all.

Especially when he broke away from your lips and started kissing down your neck. You made an effort to keep silent when he started doing that because he knew exactly what to do to make noises slip from your lips when he started attacking your neck.

He started nipping at it your skin and you tried to distract yourself by saying between ragged breaths, “Shouldn’t it be me biting your neck? You should be telling me a riddle”

“I can do both love” Alex says before he looks back up at you taking your breath away once more when he attaches his lips back to yours.

He doesn’t keep them there for long though as he then kisses down your jaw until he’s teasing the other side of your neck. You almost miss his riddle as you were struggling to hear him over the sound of your heart thudding in your ears.

“What four letter word begins with F and ends in K, and when someone can’t get one, they use their hands instead?” Alex says in a suggestive voice before he kisses just underneath your ear in that way that he knows you love.

“Something we’ll be doing later?” You hope.

You can feel him smile against your skin before he pulls away and you get to see that smirk again. He cups your jaw and tilts your head up, so you’d be looking into his eyes.

He was such a tease though because his were staring at was your lips.

“Such a dirty mind love” Alex shakes his head as his thumb runs over your bottom lip. “The answers a fork” He tells you looking from your lips back up to your gorgeous eyes.

“You’re a prick” You say as you catch your breath back.

Alex cockily says back to you, “You love me”

“I do” You smile because you couldn’t lie about that at all.

“I love you too” Alex gives your lips one last kiss before you’re both shouted back inside.

You hoped that the previous riddle would have been his last, but you were incorrect about that. He decided to throw you one more when you’re practically pressed together on the dancefloor.

Alex grins at you when you turn around to face him and he says into your ear, “I go in hard but come out soft and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?“

You were taken aback by what he said but before you even get a chance to guess he puts a finger over your lips, “Before you answer if you get it right, I’ll give it you”

You looked at him fairly innocently, but Alex could feel you trace the top of the waistband of his trousers and he smirked at you again. He had you exactly where he wanted you.

“No, my love” Alex said before kissing you quickly.

You kiss him back but when you try and carry it on, he pulls away. He shakes his head at you before he dips his hand into inside his blazer pocket and pulls out a packet of chewing gum.

Fuck. That was the answer. Chewing gum.

He takes one out of the packet and puts it in his mouth that is again smirking at you with the most mischievous look you’d ever seen on his face. He then proceeded to wink at you before he innocently went off and started laughing with Miles and a few others.

You end up doing shots at the bar and dancing with Lana Del Rey who had come as Morticia Adams. She looked amazing like usual and you ended up having a really good night with her and her friends.

When Alex stole your attention again about an hour later you decided to tease him back and make his mind dirty just like he’d been doing to you. This time he was getting your drinks at the bar and you stood close to him taking up his attention.

“I have a riddle for you” You say as you pull him closer by the lapels of his blazer.

“‘M listening” Alex responds to you confidently smiling at you.

You ask him, “What’s the difference between sin and shame?”

He thought about it for a second, but he ended up shaking his head at you, having no idea.

You smirked and kissed just under his ear before telling him, “It’s a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out”

When you move back to look at him then, his eyes had turned darker in lust and you saw that he wasn’t playing anymore. The smirk on your face stayed as you picked up your drink that had just been served to you.

You don’t give him a second thought as you move out of his grip and head back over to your new friends.

About an hour later you’ve gone back outside with Alex and Miles so they could have another cigarette where Miles was teasing him because he couldn’t think of anymore riddles.

You smiled at the pair before saying, “I’ve got one for the both of you”

“Let’s hear it then” Miles smiles at you as you take a sip of your drink.

Once you swallow the strong liquid in your mouth you tell them, “Why is air a lot like sex?”

Miles immediately smiles at the topic of riddle, but you again see that Alex narrows his eyes at you. You just smile knowingly at him because you were giving everything right back to him.

“Erm” You hear Miles wonders out loud, but you’re just focused on your man in his green suit, watching as he puts his cigarette between his lips. You had no idea how such a bad habit like smoking could look so fucking good when he was doing it.

It made you want to be a cigarette.

“I’ve got no idea Y/N/N” Miles tells you, drawing you back to the real world. “Al, you got any ideas?”

He shakes his perfect head and says in a voice that sounds disinterested, “Nah, why don’t you enlighten us Y/N” but he couldn’t take his eyes off your lips, so you knew all his attention was on you.

“Air is like sex because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any” You say, and Alex’s face then holds the cockiest smirk you’d ever seen.

“Suddenly I’m jealous of Alex” Miles laughs giving you a cheeky grin.

You decide to wipe that smirk right off Alex’s face by walking up to Miles saying, “Just because he’s in a relationship with me Miles, doesn’t mean he’s getting any”

“Oh” Miles smirked at you and you smiled back before kissing his cheek.

You then didn’t give Alex a second glance when you started to walk away, and you could immediately hear Miles start teasing his best mate.

Miles knew you were joking but he was all for getting Alex worked up.

2 hours later was when you told Alex your third and final riddle of the day. Since you’d said he wasn’t getting any when you got back home, he’d done his best to tease the fuck out of you and succeeded.

You were sat on Alex’s lap in a booth full of people around 3am and the party was still going on. You’d just about had enough though because you were too warm in what you were wearing and really wanted it off.

So, you lent down and gave Alex your last riddle, “What’s the difference between light and hard?”

“Riddle?” He asks you and you can see that his eyes are getting to that drunk tired stage. Yet they still looked as beautiful as ever.

You nod at him keeping your cool just running your fingers through the hair on the back of his head. After a minute of thought Alex gives up and tells you as your kissing his neck that he didn’t know.

“You can sleep with the light on” You tell him the answer and you feel his hands grip your hip and thigh tighter.  

You were pleased that he understood that it was a dirty riddle and you gave him a little hint as to what you were after.

You playfully bite his earlobe before seductively saying, “Take that as a warning unless you take me home in the next ten minutes”

It was needless to say that when he saw you were stone cold serious about what you’d just said, he immediately started saying bye to those around him.  And that night you were both awake till daylight fooling around.

And Alex made it very clear who was in charge.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Everything was going amazingly well in LA over the next few months. It felt like you were meant to be over there.

Everything seemed to be slotting itself very neatly into place and life was really really good.

The Helders household was doing amazingly well. Both Matt and Breana were giving little Amelia the best welcome to the world a little baby could ask for.

She was being spoilt rotten left, right, and centre, as every baby should be. She had so many toys and clothes now, thanks to all of her family, that their house was slowly being taken over.

Matt was doing an amazing job as being a Dad. You never imagined him so relaxed doing everything, but he’d taken to his new role extremely well which you think was amazing because it definitely gave Breana a chance to relax when she needed it.

You knew her pregnancy had been a difficult one from a lot of morning sickness to a whole load of other pregnancy related issues later on. Nothing which she didn’t handle expertly though.

You could just tell that she was thankful her beautiful little Amelia was here now, so all her struggles had been worth it.

You and Alex definitely spoiled her rotten too. You got her loads of toys and clothes and your favourite item of clothing that you gave them was a pink top that read ‘Little Monkey’.

Alex laughed when you showed him that you’d bought that, and Breana and Matt had the same reaction too. Nothing better than a little music humour when you were mates with the people in the band.

Life seemed completely perfect with no complications or upsets at all. You were loving work over there as even though you were doing the same job, everything was exciting and new.

You were on your little adventure and you were loving it.

The only thing that marginally ruined your time in LA in the first 5 months of your relationship was when you both had an unexpected visitor knocking at the front door.

You were fast asleep in your spot on the settee when Alex heard knocking start. Alex got himself up quietly from the other sofa as you were stretched across the one you normally shared.

Before heading to the door though, he kissed your head on his way past which he absolutely adored doing every chance he could. God, he loved you so much.

Alex made his way to the door where there were now endless knocks, so he moved a little faster so they wouldn’t wake you up. But when he opened it and saw who was there, Alex wished he’d ignored it completely.

The door opened to reveal a face that he could have happily gone the rest of his life without looking at again.

“Hey” Rita Ora said cheerfully as she moved around Alex, so she was stood in the foyer.

It was needless to say she did not get the welcome she was expecting.

Alex’s reply was, “What are you doing here?” And it wasn’t in a pleasant tone.

She just smiles and ignores his question though and talks about what’s on her own agenda.

“You didn’t say bye the night of my party” She says as she takes off her jacket and throws it over her arm.

The coat revealed that she was wearing baggy ripped jeans and an extremely low cut V-neck top that was obviously meant to be eye catching.

“Yeah there’s a reason for that. Get out” Alex instructs, still holding the door open.

Rita looks back at him extremely confused and says, “What? Why?”

“Are you having a fucking laugh?” Alex says, now getting annoyed.

Who the fuck did she think she was turning up to his house after saying all that shit about him?  

“Oh Alex, what’s got you all agitated?” Rita asked sweetly seeing how annoyed he seemed.

“You being here” Alex says outright as he gestures towards her being stood in his house.

“I’m only here to see why you didn’t come to mine last week. You missed my birthday” She pouts at him.

Alex had to process what he was hearing for a second.

Had she actually drove all the way here to ask why he didn’t attend her home on her birthday as if she hadn’t said all those nasty things?

“Why for a second would you think I’d come to that?” Alec asked her.

His brown eyes showing no remorse for his tone of voice. He was getting angrier by the second.

“Because were good friends” Rita says like it was obviously common knowledge.

Alex just chuckles to himself before shaking his head saying, “No were not. That friendship ended the night of your party”

“What? Why?” She asks him, her expression showing she was hurt by what he said.  

“Because I don’t associate myself with backstabbing people. I don’t have time for it” Alex tells her completely seriously.

Rita again looks hurt by what he was telling her, and she asks Alex in an innocent voice, “What have I done?”

“You really think that I wouldn’t find out what you’d said?” Alex asks in a challenging way.

He actually wanted her to lie to his face now. Just so she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on when he revealed the truth.  

“What do you mean?” She asks.

“Oh, you know, all the shit you spouted about me basically fucking around” Alex says, and she can see the anger bubbling on his face.

So, Rita again innocently asks, whilst faking confusion, “What?”

Alex just ends up scoffing and asking, “Did you really think that your conversation with Y/N would just stay between the two of you?”

“Oh don’t listen to whatever shit she’s telling you” Rita shakes her head sounding annoyed.  

She then pointedly says, “You know I wouldn’t say anything like that…”

Rita concluded her mini rant with the statement, “She’s just jealous of our close friendship”

‘Wow. She’s deluded’ was all Alex could think.

“So, what you’re calling my girlfriend a liar?”

“Yes, because you know I wouldn’t say something like that” She again lies like it’s second nature.

“Get the fuck out of my house” Alex says absolutely fuming now.

He let the door stay half open and just moves away from it as he begins to pace back and forth.  

“What why?” He hears Rita ask again as if it wasn’t fucking obvious at this point.

“You’re lying straight to my face, and even worse you’re lying about my girlfriend” Alex says as he points to himself.

“Girlfriend Alex… Really?” Rita then asks pulling a face at him. “Are you seriously that attached after a few fucks?”

Alex was ready to blow after that.

An infuriated Alex then tell her in a firm voice, “She is not just some fuck! How dare you even say that, I love her”

“Love, really?” Rita laughs as is he’d just told her a joke.

“Yes” Alex states. “I don’t know whether it’s a concept that you don’t grasp but I love her, and you need to go right now”

She just completely disregards him telling her to leave though and asks him with raised eyebrows, “How can you love her? You don’t even know her”

“Are you fucking real?” Alex laughs as he rubs his temples. “I’ve known her since we were twelve and like she told you on the fucking night Rita, she’s been my best friend for half my life”

“You don’t need to lower yourself to the standards of a nobody” She came back with.

“She isn’t a nobody! She’s everything. She’s my girlfriend, my best friend and she also wouldn’t ever say the shit what you said about me, even if she was jealous like you are” Alex ends up calling her out.

Rita just rolls her eyes and calmly says, “Whatever she’s told you I said was a lie”

“I fucking heard you say it” Alex snaps and shouts at her.  

Rita just scoffs and laughs, “How has she tricked you into believing that we were there when we chatted?”

“All we chatted about down by the pond was if she’d enjoyed the party” She continued on.

“You are a fucking piece of work” Alex says before taking a deep breath.

He wasn’t a violent person but right now he wanted to go upstairs and beat the shit out of the punching bag in his gym.  

“Why? I’m telling you the truth”

“You’re telling me the truth?” He asks her.  

Rita nods, “Yes”

“Swear on your life” Alex says, wanting to see how long she’d lie for.

“Yes, Alex I swear. I’ve literally got nothing against her, I don’t know why you’re this angry”

“Nothing to say about me cheating then?” Alex asks with his arms folded, ignoring what she’d said.  

“Alex I would never say that about you. I don’t know what she’s been saying but you know me, I would never say that…” She says looking straight into his eyes.

Rita continues on to paint you in a bad light when she says, “I honestly can’t believe she’d even made that up. You know if someone could make that up then that usual means they believe it, so I would watch your back if you keep her around for any longer Alex”

“You’re actually a horrible person” Alex blankly states.

“I can’t believe you’ve just lied to my face like that” Alex shakes his head absolutely seething, “Maybe you should just stick to being an actress”

She starts, “Alex I don’t und-“ But Alex very quickly interrupts her.

“I was on the phone to her. When you said all that shit, I was on the phone to her” Alex reveals the truth and he watches as her hard face slowly falls away.

“Yeah got nothing to say for yourself now have you” Alex says almost triumphantly.  

“Fuck off and don’t come back here” Alex says before pointing towards the door. Rita goes to move towards the door that was still wide open when they both hear you in the kitchen.

“Hey Al, is everyt-“ Your words die in your throat when you see who’s stood in you in your doorway.

You just woken up from your nap feeling a little bit cold as the weather was slightly cooler than you were now used to over here. But it was early December, so you weren’t completely surprised by it.

You’d sat up from your position on the sofa and when you tuned back into real life, you were certain you could hear voices coming through the house. And they sounded like they were coming from the front door.

You didn’t know you were expecting any guests, so you got up so you could politely say hello to your visitor. As you got closer to your front door though, you could hear that the voices you were hearing seemed to be in a very heated conversation.

Which was why you started to ask before you’d even turned the corner to the foyer if everything was okay. You could clearly see that it wasn’t though.

Alex looked fuming, like he could tear his hair out at any given second. Rita looks like she was about to cry until she saw you walking towards Alex.  

“Oh, so the whores still here?” Rita says, her expression now holding one that screamed that she was appalled to see you here.

“Call me that again” You dare her and change who you were walking over to.

You headed straight towards her instead. She could say that to your face now.

If you were willing to cut ties with your sister for calling you shit like that then you would sure as hell make someone else that you despised look into your eyes and say it to your face.

“Y/N/N” Alex catches you by your waist so you can’t get any closer to her. He was quite literally holding you back.

You try once to get out of Alex’s grip, but it proves useless as he just holds you back tightly with one arm.

“No come on, call me that again” You egg her on because you were ready for a scrap at this point.

“What are you going to do?” Rita asks you smugly as if she held the upper hand.

“Whatever I fucking like because you’re in our house and there’s no cameras watching our every move here” You say absolutely fuming that she had the nerve to come to where you both lived and call you that.

“‘Our house’?” Rita asks you. She obviously wasn’t expecting that one

“Oh, so your ears do work, good to know…” You sarcastically smile at her.

You continue to say, “So you can hear me when I tell you to get the fuck out”

Her ears must have just magically lost their ability to pick up audio as she doesn’t move at all. She just looks from you to Alex, who was still holding you from behind.  

“Are you joking?” She asks him. “You’re really going to let her scrounge off you after being with her, what, five months?”

“Rita, just fuck off” You hear Alex tell her and you can hear the anger in his voice. You didn’t even want to imagine the expression on his face.

“No Alex, are you actually deluded?” Rita shakes her head at him.

“No Hun, that would be you” You interrupt.

She sends you an evil glare as she says, “Can you just fuck off. I didn’t come here to speak to you”

“No evidently not. You came here to try and get with my boyfriend” You call her out on it.  

“But from the way he’s told you to fuck off numerous times it seems like he’s not really that into you, is he? So, I’ll do him a favour, so he won’t have to tell you again” You say, and you break through Alex’s grip on you and walk towards her.

Something which seemed to surprise both him and Rita and she took a few steps back towards the door with wide eyes, as you walked towards her.

“So out you go” You say watching as she turned around and made her way out of the door.

You encourage her to keep going through, “Yeah that it, just a little bit more so the door doesn’t hit you on your way out”

You hear Alex chuckle a little from behind you then. You hadn’t even done it for humour purposes though. You were literally just seeing red.

“Oh Rita, forgot to tell you something” You call her just before she steps off the entrance to the house.

She turns back to look at you expectantly which makes you smirk because you know that she’ll regret doing it completely.

“Just to make you aware, after this door closes, I’m going to do something you’ve never done and never will” You tell her.  

She glares at you again before saying, “What’s that? Finding someone else to beg and steal from?”

“Oh no, I’m sure you’ve already done that. I mean something you won’t ever do…” You say as you hold the side of the door so you can close it when you want to.

She looks to you expectantly at that point then. You’re surprised she wasn’t tapping her designer heels, waiting for you to speak.  

“I’m going to fuck Alex Turner” You say victoriously.

And just as she’s about to say something else, you slam the door in her face.

You’re fucking raging when you grab Alex’s hand and drag him back through the house.

“I fucking hate that witch” You say as you practically speed walk through the kitchen to get to the lounge. Alex hot on your heels.

“Where are we going?” You hear him ask you.  

“You’re going right there” You say before you push him down, so he’s sat in your usual seat on the settee.

“Y/N” Alex says as you straddle him. He helped you down onto him where he knew you were usually comfortable, but he could see how worked up you were.

“Alex, I’m gunna fuck you right now, so would you like to undress yourself or let me rip your clothes off like I want to” You told him and you felt him grip your hips that bit tighter so you knew he wanted this too.

You saw his Adams apple bob before he just nodded at you. You then attached your lips to his and start to shed off items of clothing.

After you had the most possessive shag of your entire life, you felt completely satisfied. Making Alex tells you that he was yours and halfway through, when he got his brain back into gear and flipped the both of you over, he was making you tell him that you were his.

Something which neither of you would ever forget and the fact that the sex ended with ‘I love you’ kisses just made everything better.

You loved him with everything you had, and you were glad even someone toxic like that could never come between you.

You knew you were endgame, and nothing made you happier.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @the-girl-before @murderousginger @minigranger @turnertable @bastillewolf @slothgiirl @billskarsgard-is-gorgeous @watashi-no-namae-wo-yonde @fookingsummertime @marvel-avengers01 @shibuikelsi @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo @gretavanbobatea @chocolatecig @iamnotjesha @rachaeljayne15 @edgythought @when-the-darkness-comes @angelicnobody @marveious @liviasaugusta @boysinskirts @musicmania100 @he4rtbre4khotel @innocte @beckauhhh @whoknowswhatimeant @tony-starks-ego @tobarmaidswhodontcount @elektranxtchiios @bettyschwallocksyee @alexsvacuumcleaner @cornerstqne @halfofwhatisayismeaningless @juicebox-baby @yousuck-marina @nrldswita @dot-writes @skullag @arctic-bloe @babyhoneystvles @timchalamxt @writingismybiggestlove​

Other parts in Masterlist in bio x

[p1harmonyofficial]

[📰] K-Pop Rookies P1Harmony Are Writing Their Own Coming of Age Story

By Crystal Bell

K-pop group P1Harmony debuted three months ago with their audacious single "Siren," and member Jiung is already dreaming of the perfect solo vacation. The 19-year-old singer wants to emphasize that this is a trip he'd like to — no, needs to — do alone, when he can safely do so. ("You need to bold the word 'alone,'" leader Keeho adds in English, a knowing glint of mirth in his eyes. "Put it in italics too.") So, more about this excursion: "If possible, I want to go to a foreign country," Jiung tells Teen Vogue from an office in Seoul, South Korea. He doesn't have a specific place in mind, just somewhere new and exciting and, most importantly, a place where he can be alone to freely organize his thoughts without any other responsibilities.

It sounds like a lyric ripped from the pages of his notebook, or the plot of a coming-of-age movie his 17-year-old groupmate Intak would enjoy: a young man on a voyage of self-discovery, chasing a feeling to a faraway land to escape his adolescent ennui. For now, however, it's just a lofty resolution for the new year.

"I also want to travel alone because I've never done it before," youngest member Jongseob, who recently turned 15, enthusiastically offers in Korean. Jiung, always one to help the younger sort out his feelings, is quick to quash the teenage rapper's theoretical plans. "That's not very realistic," he says. "You're too young to travel alone." Undeterred, Jongseob carries on: "Then my goal this year is to drink more milk."

"He wants to grow taller, but I don't think milk helps that much," Keeho comments, shaking his head while his teal quiff stays firmly in place. "I heard that's a myth."

Technically, they're not wrong. Unaccompanied minors can't travel internationally without a parent's formal consent in South Korea, and there's no proven scientific correlation between dairy and height. But spoken aloud, this interaction sounds more like playful goading among good friends. It's a testament to Keeho, Theo, Jiung, Intak, Soul, and Jongseob's comfortable dynamic as a group that the copper-haired youngest just earnestly smiles through the minor sting of his hopes being swiftly dashed.

For all of the training that goes into a K-pop artist's career, perhaps the most vital lesson is learning how to symbiotically coexist in close quarters with someone who is unfamiliar to you. Like most things, it is a process. Harmony isn't achieved overnight, especially among six teenage boys who have differing definitions of the word "clean." Cultural differences present unique challenges, too. When Keeho left his home in Canada to pursue his musical dreams as a trainee at FNC Entertainment in Seoul, he didn't have much trouble fitting in. Or so he thought. "He was funny," Jiung says in retrospect. "But I don't think we were able to communicate well." It wasn't that they couldn't understand what Keeho was saying — the soulful singer grew up speaking Korean with his family — but rather they couldn't understand him.

"Everyone would be stressed out, and I would be like, 'Guys, relax. Why are you stressing out over this?'" Keeho says animatedly with his hands. "They couldn't understand why I was so relaxed. How could I not care about anything? And I couldn't understand why they were always so stressed about things. It took a while to get on the same page."

That's where communication comes in. "The key is being honest," Jiung explains. "We have a lot of talks." These regular conversations allow the members to resolve potential issues before they spiral into larger, more disharmonious problems. Keeho is refreshingly open about this. "We're always stuck together," he adds. "We live together. We see each other 24 hours a day. Seeing anyone 24 hours a day, you'll eventually be, like, ugh, get away from me, but because we communicate so much, that [feeling] is reduced." Establishing rules and boundaries also helps. "We have a basic rule that you clean up the mess you've made," Jongseob says from where he's perched behind Jiung. (This rule is especially important to methodical Jiung.) And then there's vocalist Theo, the eldest member who also takes on the role of the group's even-keeled mediator because he's a good listener, and he likes giving advice.

"I'm not very opinionated," the blonde says. At 19, he's a few months older than Keeho but harder to read. He's both lighthearted and enigmatic. "I'm not good at expressing my feelings," Theo explains. "But the members are really good at expressing themselves and their emotions, so I'm learning how to open up because of them." According to Keeho, Theo is "bad at being serious," adding, "We'll have to have a serious talk, and he won't be able to take it. He's always trying to lighten the mood. He's the comedic relief."

Keeho makes a habit of describing the members' various idiosyncrasies in fervent detail. It's a very leaderly thing to do, to make sure that everyone feels understood. Occasionally, he also jumps in to help interpret their answers into English, or to encourage others to speak. Soul, who is half-Korean but was raised in Japan, could be described as a quiet person: an introvert who wears a lot of black, listens to metal, and has a particular obsession with massive skull rings and accessories. But he's also acutely perceptive. He'd rather listen and observe than be an active participant in the conversation. "I like when the rest of the members are discussing an idea," he says quietly in Korean (he's still learning the language). "I like watching them talk." It's not that he's not involved, but as Keeho puts it, "He's always supporting us silently and observing us." For Soul, it's more fun to sit and watch.

You can get a sense of these dynamics as they unfold on the last track of the group's debut EP, Disharmony: Stand Out. It's a skit, or audio recording of the members — then, just trainees — as they talk candidly about their dreams to perform and contemplate the implications of such aspirations. "I work hard here for the debut, but when I go to school, I wonder, 'What am I doing here?'" Intak says on tape, recalling how strange it feels to not have the same priorities as his classmates who are all preparing for their college admissions. Theo quells his concerns, telling him how lucky he is to already be working toward his dream. "That's a cool thing," Keeho adds, as Soul silently listens in the background.

While his peers prepared for their academic futures, Intak was spending his evenings dancing, rapping, singing, and writing lyrics, while also stunt training alongside his groupmates and preparing to become a… movie star. A few weeks before the release of their album, P1H: A New World Begins hit theaters across South Korea in early October. The first K-pop origin story to hit the big screen, the feature film introduced P1Harmony and their sci-fi lore to the masses. Long story short: After a deadly virus spreads chaos and violence around the globe, six boys with extraordinary gifts are humanity's only hope for survival. The filming experience was invaluable for the artists, who until that point had only ever studied music and performance. "Acting training really helped with my facial expressions," Intak says. "I learned how to portray my emotions on stage." Keeho agrees, adding, "We got very friendly with the camera."

Singers who rap, rappers who sing, dancers who act — the boys of P1Harmony forgo clearly defined roles in favor of being versatile and, well, good at everything.

As for their music, Disharmony: Stand Out is a snapshot of Gen Z unrest, simmering with angst ("Siren") and bucking wildly, vibrantly against convention ("Nemonade"). Teenage turmoil has been fueling the K-pop industry since the very beginning, and there's a certain nostalgia to P1Harmony's no-holds-barred approach. Members Soul and Jongseob both credit B.A.P and their hard-hitting style with inspiring them to become artists, with Zelo influencing Jongseob to pursue rap in elementary school. You can hear those more aggressive, hip-hop-tinged influences on Disharmony, as well as softer, more lyrical R&B flourishes ("Butterfly").

"We wanted to convey feelings and situations that are not harmonious," Jongseob says. "We want to say don't be afraid to stand out and to say what you want to say — speak your truth, and do it with courage and confidence." Despite his age, the young rapper carries himself like a veteran. By all accounts, he's earned the title, having won the competition series K-pop Star 6 at age 12 in 2017 and competed in YG Treasure Box less than two years later. These experiences, he says, helped him feel more comfortable performing. By the time he came to FNC, he was already a prodigy with the confidence and flow of a performer twice his age.

"There are so many people, our age especially, who aren't always able to speak courageously and confidently," Keeho adds. "So we wanted to encourage everyone, especially ourselves, to never be afraid to say what you want to say."

And they practice what they preach. All of the members are credited lyricists on the album, with all six collaborating on the roaring hip-hop track "That's It." Part cypher, part vibes, "That's It" is teeming with boyish swagger and possibility. "Even though it was the first time all six of us worked on a song together, surprisingly we were all on the same page from the very first meeting, and it came together quickly," Jiung recounts, adding that each member wrote their own verse. "It was fun," Keeho chirps.

That creative energy is also channeled into their performances. "Because we do take part in a lot of the songwriting, we also want to convey that in our dance," Intak explains. Though he's part of the group's rap line, his first love was dance. He started taking lessons as a child. "My mom is a dancer, so she's where I got my love of dancing," he says. As such, he's well-versed in conveying emotion through motion. "We always have an idea of how we want to portray these emotions with our bodies," he says. The members choreograph their own center gestures. These movements are a small but significant part of any performance, because this is where their charisma and individuality shine brightest.

"I wanted to become a singer because I wanted to perform onstage," Theo says. "So being able to be on music programs performing on real stages, surrounded by bright LED lights and visual backdrops, I feel like a main character. When all of the lights are on me, I feel like a star."

Unsurprisingly, even when he's offstage, he's still singing. He even likes to call his friends and take song requests. "I like to sing to my friends through the phone," he says. "I'll sing anything they want. I play piano for them, too. They're very open to listening to me." Next to him, Keeho adds, "My friends would not want me to sing to them." (The internet respectfully disagrees.) Meanwhile, Jongseob turns to making music and writing lyrics in his downtime. It's a great way to relieve stress, he says. These days, Intak turns to animated films to ease his mind. He's a fan of Studio Ghibli films, and he really likes the Japanese manga characters Doraemon and Shin Chan.

"I watch a lot of coming-of-age stories about these innocent kids who are in the process of becoming adults," he explains. "I get inspired by watching them. I don't want to lose that innocence, so watching those animations make me feel youthful." It's hard to imagine Intak without his boyish sensibility. It's seeped into every social media post and YouTube vlog (or, #PLOG). Yet, as an artist, as a teenager, it's an unusual phenomenon to be perceived by thousands of fans before having the clarity to perceive yourself. It's something no amount of Miyazaki or training prepares you for.

Initially, Theo had a hard time opening up on camera. The mere thought of it made him nervous, but the more he did it, the easier it was for him to parse his own feelings. "I'm not very good at expressing emotions like thank you and I love you," he says. "But it's a lot easier to express those feelings now because I feel them so sincerely. I can say thank you for loving me [to fans] because I truly mean it."

"There are people from all around the world who leave me messages, and that makes me so happy," Intak says. "It drives me to do more and to give more to them."

And there will be more to give. Disharmony: Stand Out was just the beginning, and Keeho already has some very big goals for 2021. At the top of the list? "Rookie of the Year, come on!" he says spiritedly of the K-pop industry's coveted award. "It's definitely possible. I'm manifesting it right now." He also wants to make more music, maybe release more covers. "We want to come back a lot," he smiles. "I'm thinking [of] at least three releases next year."

Then there are more personal goals, like Jiung's solo travels. "I want to take better care of my mental health," he adds, noting that it starts with a more positive mindset. "I want to be a better person overall." Intak wants to, for the first time in his young life, maintain a consistent routine for a healthier lifestyle. That includes getting enough sleep when there aren't any schedules. ("He could sleep, but he chooses not to," Keeho jokes.) After monitoring his fancams, Theo has decided that he wants to build more muscle. And Soul hopes to go home to Japan to see his dog, a Frenchie named Mochi.

As for Keeho, in true Libra fashion, he wants to maintain a sense of balance: "I want to stay true to myself," he says. "I don't want to be like, oh, the fame is getting to me. I don't want to change. I want to stay grounded and stay thankful and be grateful, always. I also want to make some more money." He laughs, then adds, "I can't lie!"

No, he can't. Honesty is the key to harmony, after all.