Please ignore this it's almost 1am and I can't sleep and am full of vinegar ...laying in bed stuck with my thoughts and man do they suck, for months all I've been doing it feeling guilty and horrible about myself and hoping to talk to people in hopes of apologizing and making burned ends less burnt.. I'm coming to the realization that it's never going to happen and need to just give up, I wont be getting my chance to speak.. I want to be forgiven, but at the same time, thinking about the pass two years and how angry I actually am about how things were stated and also parts left out, the forgiveness I deeply want really means nothing to me. if anything it's acted as a fuckin poison to my brain to constantly hope and think about it on a daily bases. Stuck thinking about how everyone hates me and not having a way out like a mouse stuck in a burning cage.
I miss drawing the things I liked, all my Fav OC's I now kinda hate due to having to throw them in the corner, forcing myself to redo them all when in the end not really having a good purpose to do so.
I don't know how to bounce back anymore but I have no choice but to try and walk away anyways. I'll find something that will click again and meet new people.
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Completely forgot to share that last week in a legitimately desperate attempt to catch this bus that was literally about to leave I fucking jumped onto it gripped the fucking hand rails with all my might right as the doors were closing and straight up got Crushed in between them. It was a bit traumatic but so stupidly comical. I don't know how this happened to me
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here’s a meme i made after watching the latest ep of bsd
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