#but everytime i read this series or watch the anime i can't help but hold out hope that things would've turned out better for them

[to-star-lake]

ok guys, hear me out.

so i recently re-read Nana which was (and still is) one of my favorite series of all time. and since then i've been feeling the nostalgia (and PAIN) i've been finding kindred souls who are also holding out hope that yazawa ai will pick it back up at some point.

BUT in my journey of reconnecting with the series and characters, ive read a lot of things about nana and ren's relationship and i can't not weigh in. (nobody asked but here goes XD)

don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of things both of them could've done better in their relationship, and many people say that when ren left to join Trapnest that was the fatal turning point for them, but tbh i think their relationship was doomed from the beginning.

nana said herself when she first saw ren play the night they met; she felt something more like envy/jealousy than love. she always admired ren and idealized him, perhaps more than she loved him.

as a result (paired with nana's very painful history of being abandoned by her mother), ren was more of a savior in her eyes than a boyfriend.

he taught her to play guitar, encouraged her to sing and express herself, and gave her a home. and because she always looked up to him, she couldn't help but feel anxious and inferior in some way when she was with him. i don't think she ever thought she was good enough for him and unwittingly created a relationship that was more about competition (and proving herself) than love.

for ren; similarly to nana, he had a very painful past of being abandoned by his parents and grew up on the streets by himself. perhaps he saw in nana a kindred spirit, and wanted to take care of her (in his final moments, he literally mistook a stray cat for nana); he took her in.

throughout the series, we see him hoping for a family that is with him always, for nana to want to be with him of her own volition, and to have children with him. (but he knew that wasn't what nana wanted, and he struggled throughout their relationship after their reconciliation with this fact).

from nana's perspective, i think ren leaving was so much more than a betrayal of her band, and a boyfriend leaving her: i think when he left, it made her feel not only abandoned, but like he was throwing it in her face that she wasn't good enough (he went to join a better band, in a bigger city, with a more talented female singer).

and it made it worse for her that even after their reconciliation, ren continued to choose Trapnest over her (leaving her behind when the tabloids were publicizing gossip that would only harm her reputation, refusing to help nana out of pent up frustration and jealousy when shin was arrested, in the end prioritizing reira over her).

but when ren joined Trapnest, i think that he found in them an even greater family bond than what he had with Blast. back in his hometown, while he loved the Blast members, it isn't the same as when he joined Trapnest. with Blast, it was all a bit of fun, almost child's play for ren, but he could've accepted that as long as he and nana were happy.

when he joined Trapnest, i think that was when he started to feel the true weight of camaraderie; of having a group of people with a bond stronger than friends or colleagues; they were soldiers together (ren had literally referred to the employees of cookie music working with Trapnest as takumi's soldiers). here, there was a profound kind of devotion and mission that gave him a greater sense of purpose in life, so i can understand why he would make choices that placed Trapnest above nana.

again, this is not to say that at any given moment in the series, nana and ren couldn't have made better decisions or said or done something different. but i think due to the fact that nana's feelings towards ren were always that of an admiration kind of love (rooted in jealousy and feelings of inferiority) instead of pure, unconditional love (which is not her fault, because no one ever really taught her how to love unconditionally). and that ren was destined to discover and devote himself to something bigger than himself (and nana). and the fact that both of them were so young but the stakes were too high; their relationship was doomed from the beginning.

[meenah-chan]

A Smear of Blood

A Mammon x F! MC fanfiction

Genre: Angst

1.38k words

Trigger Warning: Lots of blood, mention of death & violence. Read at your own discretion.

You two were just sleeping together in your room. It's the same old night. Yet for some reason, when he woke up that day, the one beside him is not you, but a smear of blood.

Everytime he wokes up he will usually see you still asleep in his arms. Or sometimes you staring at his sleeping face, which never fails to send his visage into flaring.

But that morning is different. The space beside him is empty.

He shouldn't be thinking of it as you may only be doing your business in the bathroom.

But no...

That morning is different. When he lifted the blanket covering him and the space beside him, an ample amount of blood, as large as his two stretched palms, spreads across the sheet.

His mind went blank for a second. He froze, sitting on his spot as if time went on a total halt. His own blood drains from his face. And in an instant, everything came back, rushing through his veins. Thousands of thoughts he never wished to have invaded his senses.

Did something happened last night? Did someone attacked her? Is it a grudge towards his human? No, there's no way that's possible. She's way too kind for anyone to held any ill intent towards herself. Is it because she is a rare, appetizing human? Or maybe the monster want to settle past misdeed he committed and chose to attack the most important person in his life?

No, he should have felt any danger if that's the case... Or... Could he?

Mammon is one of the strongest in the Devildom. He also have been alive for who knows how long. He barely experienced some lesser demons attack him in his sleep, much less in the House of Lamentation.

No. No one aimed for his head in his own abode. Entering the den of the most monstrous beasts in the Devildom is a suicide for any assassins to test their luck.

It doesn't make sense! It doesn't...

Yet... That blood... That metallic scent invading his sense smell right now... He'd be dumb if he could ever forget such scent. He knew it so well. Why does he knew it so well? Of course he...

The image of that day flashed through his mind and he never knew his heart would sink deeper than it already has. The image of her lifeless body in his arms, soaked with her own blood and bruises. Limp. Breathless. Cold. Too cold. With her lifelessly gentle eyes staring at his useless self, who couldn't do anything to protect her. It's too late. His tears and screams won't bring what she have lost.

His loss. He lost her once already and swears he'll protect her this time around. He'll protect her with his life. He'll... Protect her?

A lightning strucks his system as he force his stiff limbs to motion. He wants to scream but a lump in his throat blocks all the sound he want to gouge out.

He flails out of the bed. He reach for the knob only for it to move a few feet away from him and his hand.

When he raised his unfocused eyes to the person who opened the door, he gasps for air he didn't knew he's been holding.

"Ahh. You're... Awake." His human peeked inside the room for a second. "And you saw that..." She sighed.

But the demon stood there motionless. He scans her with his eyes for any visible wound and blood stains. Any trace of blood on her. Yet he saw nothing but her sweaty self gasping for air, holding what seems to be a comforter.

"...mon... Mammon? You don't look so good." A touch of her warm fingertips is enough to push his last button to tears, which he did. "M–Mammon?! W–Wha, H–Hey!" Tears streams down like falls on his cheeks to the back of her hands as she held his face.

"What... the hell..." They both melted to their knees as Mammon start sobbing. "Hey, Mammo—" her palms slid past his slippery wet cheeks as he pulls her to tight embrace.

"'Ya idiot... human... Ye're killin' me." He whimpered in a muffled voice, face buried on the crook of her neck.

His words snapped all the dots connected in her head of what is actually happening. It probably is because of that incident. The day she died... or atleast her other self. It was a sight, to see herself bathing in a pool of blood, as if it was a different person. It was a sight, really. But it was not the one that sparked her emotion. It was the demon that held her so tight as if she'll slipped away from his grasp. It was Mammon.

She couldn't really comprehend what happened when she was attacked by the youngest brother. She was stranggled, passed out and woke up under the staircase.

It never left a mark on her. She held no ill will towards him. But as the demon with the strongest bond with her, Mammon, was so devastated that time. He cling onto her. He wail with his futile pleads for her to hang on. To not die.

Seeing him like that made her regret the event she have no way of ever predicting. The event she have no control of.

The only thing she could do is to protect him from the ghost of the past. She have to give reassurance to the second oldest— her first demon.

So she hugged him back as firm as he did, caressing his hair lovingly. "There, there... I'm here. Everything's going to be alright."

He squeeze her tighter she could hardly breathe. But even if it's hard, she let him because right now, she could finally feel the grip her other self felt that time. She's be lying if she said she didn't felt a hint of jealousy oozing out within her that time. "Don't you dare leave me like that ever again."

"I won't. I'll be with you as long as it takes. This won't happen again."

She gave him featherlight kisses that soothes his pain. A gentle yet firm embrace to gave him assurance and warmth. And within a few moments, Mammon pulled himself back, his eyes and cheeks dusted with shades of red.

"But wait... Are you really not hurt or something?" The white-haired demon close his eyes as she wipes his tears with her thumb.

"You wanna check with your own eyes?" She smirks and wiggle her brows at him, earning a darker flush on his tan face.

"Then what the hell's with the sheet? That isn't your blood, right?" Now it's her turn to blush.

"Uh... Can we just forget that..." Azure orbs glare through her soul. "... or maybe not." She nervously laugh while evading the piercing looks towards her.

"Ugh... This is embarrassing. How should I put this..." She scratch her nape as she search for the right words. "Well, it is mine." Mammon's eyes widen and without hesitation, he lift her shirt and frantically check her torso.

"H–Hey! Sto– Wait! I'm not hurt! That time of the month just came a bit too early is all!" She hastily pulled the hem of her shirt off his grip and down.

"W–What time?" He stares at her, confusion and worry evident on his expression.

"I'm on my period, okay. I woke up with it staining the covers. I panicked and run out after changing to search for a replacement. And yeah, I was late." She pat the sheet on her side. "You saw it before I arrive." She look down to hide her flustered face.

"... Seriously..." Mammon's forehead drops to her shoulder.

After a few seconds, he cups her face and face her to him. "Why'd'ya have ta hide it? And from the Great Mammon? Really?"

"Well, it's embarrassing you know..." She pouts.

"Like hell it's embarrassing. It's normal. It's a part of being a woman. If somethin' like this happen, don't hesitate to ask for the Great Mammon's help... Well it's not like I'm worried or anything. I just wanna help ya. Ye're my human after all." He squishes her face as he grin from ear to ear tinted with pink.

"Yes, my tsundere demon." She also smiled like he did as she held the hands on her cheeks.

"Huh?! Who're ya callin–" he protested, only to be silenced with a peck on the tip of his nose.

"I love you, my Great Mammon."

I was too hyped yesterday I just finished 2 fanfics. That OM! anime announcement left me on edge.

And to anyone waiting for my series Quintessence, I'm on it hahaha 😅😂 I'm torn between two twist and still can't decide but I'll surely post it as soon as I finished it. Please bear with me for the last 2 chapters.

P. S. To anyone who watch BL Romance and haven't seen Given yet, I highly recommend it! A real tear-jerker with amazing plot and masterpiece songs 😭💖💖 I won't go with details but there's something really unique with it and you wont regret watching it sksksk 😚😚

Masterlist

[znitsamluv]

Hi! I'm here for the match up event!

I'm 23 y/o and work as a geriatric nurse, it's the best job in the world! I actually don't have a lot of hobbies lol i love to listen to music, mostly hip-hop or rap but also pop like ariana grande is my queen! I really enjoy watching series on Netflix or anime, also love to read mangas(currently reading uzumaki by junji ito)

I have a really broken sense of humor and I'm mostly a really happy and positive gurl but I can be reaaaally moody ig the gemini comes thru sometimes lol. I'd say I'm an extroverted introvert if that makes sense, I'm pretty shy when I get to know new people but as soon as I feel comfortable around them I'm pretty open and just me.

I also really have a thing for bad boys 😈 hahah

I hope that's not too much or too less for a match up! Thanks alot!!

YOUR MATCH UP IS READY!

Your match is kazutora hanemiya

• How you met

° Your work place is In front of Chifuyu's pet shop so one time he was standing outside to smell some fresh air when he saw you leaving from work .

° He immediately fell in love ! Every day he would go to Chifuyu's pet shop not to help him of course but to wait there until he see you again .

° That went on for two weeks until Chifuyu had enough and told Kazutora to just go and talk to you .

° well luck was on Kazutora's side , one time Kazutora accidentally let a cat free and it ran out of the shop and he ran after it , he looked everywhere for it and was about to lose hope when you suddenly appeared with the kitten in your arms and it was purring.

° " I think this kitten belongs to you" your sweet voice and beautiful eyes made Kazutora freeze cuz the girl he have been wanting to talk to is in front of him ..... holding a little kitten , his chest felt so warm just from staring at you .

° " YEAH that's mine " Kazutora face went to a shade of red because he raised his voice at the beginning but your giggles made it worth it .

° You had a conversation for a few minutes and you got each others names and from that day on you two would exchange words at break time from both of your jobs .

° One Time you didn't get out of work until so late so he offered giving you a ride .

° " I can't leave you alone when it is so dark like this" you didn't agree about his offer but he insisted that he could at least walk you home and you finally agreed.

° when you were walking together he finally got the courage to ask you out and you agreed so the next day he waited until you got out of work and took you to a cozy cafe and got you your favorite drink ( he paid for it of course) .

° from that day on every day after work he would either walk you home or take you somewhere for a date it depends if you are in the mood for a date or not .

• Your dating life

° Kazutora felt so comfortable with you since the day he met you and hearing your voice brings him comfort so whenever he feels stressed he calls you to hear your voice .

° But when you feel stressed he would take you on rides in his car until very late at night while he listens about your day and has one hand holding yours while the other is on the staring wheel .

• Kazutora loves your sense of humor like everytime you would crack a joke that was weird or unfunny he would still laugh at it and if you show him or send him memes he would laugh at them even though he doesn't understand them but seeing you laughing is enough to make him smile from ear to ear .

• Kazutora was afraid of what you are going to think of him when you learn about his past but you were really calm about it just a bit disappointed and you tried to hide it but he could still see how you looked at him .

• Kazutora is used to you suddenly tracing his tattoo like you can be watching TV and start doing it and he feels fuzzy inside when you do this .

• Kazutora LOVES when you play with his hair like you can put accessories and do whatever you want with his hair he doesn't care he just loves when you brush his locks . Even if you did him dirty and did pigtails he would still appreciate it .

° When you first told him that you read manga he thought that you are probably like Chifuyu who read romance mangas but he was surprised when he saw your junji ito collection.

° " At least it isn't cheesy romance mangas " he would borrow one of them and read it and he actually enjoyed it that he finished the whole collection.

° Kazutora thinks you're way too good for him and deserves someone who is better than him so he feels sad easy and jealous when he sees you with one of your male colleagues talking.

° You would catch on it fast because he was giving you the silent treatment but after you gave him a warm hug and face smooches he couldn't help but grin wide .

° you are usually nice so when your moody side kicks in he would work on making your mood better buy getting you your favorite snack or rewatching your favorite show even though he saw it with you so many times .

° your dates would be simple like going to cat or dog cafes or going to picnics or driving at around at 5 am when no one is awake .

° when Kazutora hears that your favorite singer or rapper dropped an album he would buy it and give it to you ,he watched you jump around from joy before he got tackled in a hug . You both stayed laying on the floor both of you staring at each other grinning .

° Kazutora loves you so much and would do anything to make you happy.

° Kazutora knew from the moment he met you that you are the one for him and he can't imagine a future without you so he is waiting for the best moment to propose to you .

[ note : I hope you liked it ! ]

[pamiedrawnic-acid]

Re:Zero Review

Borrowed photo

Ola! It's been a while since I made a review and I think this is the 4th time that I'll be reviewing an anime. Oh well, me reviewing something means this show is really amazing cause I got a lot of beautiful things to say about it. Yes, I only want to review things I've found beautiful because it's really not in my nature to rant about something since it's really tiring and I hate negative thoughts! 😆

Well, let's get down to the business, first things first, what's with Re:zero?

Re:zero or starting life in another world is what exactly the title tells us about. It's a story of a typical shut in guy who suddenly got into another world, with this story a game-like world, set in a medieval era, where magics were not a very unusual thing and where humans and humanoids live together. Fortunately, our protagonist, Subaru, was very fond of playing games so he had already an idea on how to start or how to literally "play the game." Such a generic story isn't it? It's supposed to be but it's actually not.

Normally, in such stories, the protagonist is supposed to have an unknown ability that will only be released when the situation calls for it. Most of the time it would later on revealed that the protagonist in an important part of the world, either a part of the royal blood, a saviour, a god etc. Also in some stories, there would even have a character who would appear in front of the protagonist and explain whatever is happening. Likewise with how Subaru expected it, I was also expecting for the same thing. However, what happened was really unexpected.

[SPOILERS ALERT] He died but then he was reset to his last save point; literally like a game. The difference was, he would not know where or when was his save point unless he would die and be reset. Also, this ability of him do not allow him to have any choice. Once he died, he would automatically go back and complete his mission, which he still needed to figure out. The only rule is that, he would die over and over unless he could solve the mystery or found the "happy ending." Thus, "quitting" was not an option.

At first I thought that it was such a very convenient ability. At least you'll have another chance, not just once but as many as you want until you find the happy ending. But as I moved to each episodes and as the story goes deeper I've realized that NO it's not very convenient.

Subaru can reset from death thus, if there was something not good happening with his life, with his friends or even with the kingdom, which would result to their deaths, then he was the only one who could change it. Imagine the pressure and the burden that he was carrying?!

Subaru did not have any choice but to go over and over into an ugly situation not until he could find the solution

Have you tried solving a math problem that needed you to go over from the scratch because you know somehere in between you made a mistake but can't find it so you have to do it again? Or a science experiment that ended in a bad result so you need to go back to procedure 1? A project, a drawing, or anything~ anything that you were doing but did not go well so you have no other choice but to do it again, over and over, not to mention that your only option was to finish it. Frustrating isn't it? Imagine how frustrated, irritated, desperate and tired Subaru was? Not to mention all the time he needed to go back just to witness the death/s of the people around him.

Lastly, [SPOILERS ALERT] Subaru's ability was actually a cursed from some witch, which he couldn't tell to anyone because everytime he tried to, the witch would squeezed his heart to the point that he could almost die. Out of desperation, he actually tried to tell it to someone but that someone died. Imagine how difficult it was for Subaru to face everything alone? No one could understand him not because he didn't want them to but because he COULDN'T. (cursed that witch I definitely wanted to tear her apart! 👹)

I've read a lot of comments from somewhere on how people disliked Subaru because he was a helpless, hopeless, useless boy. Because he did not have any special power or because he was weak. Well, after all he had been through, is he still useless?

Yes, he showed us the time when he almost quit even resorting into running away because he had failed so many times and thought that there was no other choice but to leave. He showed us his frustrations, desperations, helplesness and weaknesses, that he actually admitted and you hated. Well, on the other side of the note, I commend the writer for doing a great job because I believed that, that really what he wanted you to feel. Congratulations! You've been his victim! 🙊 Going back, Subaru really became a hateful character those times but if you are going to watch the anime and try to put your feet into Subaru's you will understand me or perhaps him.

He was disheartened for who knows how many times. He was fighting all by himself. Despite of having his friends and allies who supported him with his actions and especially to those who gave him courage and moral supports, no one really knows what he was going through. He was all ALONE. But still at the end of the day he would always proved to us how strong he was; mentally and emotionally, and that, stories only ends once you've reached the happy ending so life's goes on until you became happy! Quitting was never an option!

The only downside I've seen with him is that [MAJOR SPOILER] when he did not choose Rem despite of all the things she had done for him and even asked her to help her save Emilia, the woman he trully love. He was such a cruel man, a fact that actually Rem accepted and even told him outloud which he actually agreed with. However, despite of that, I still believed that he only showed how faithful he was to the woman he love. For me he was a man of word who knows how to fulfill his promises.

I'm sorry for defending Subaru so much but I really like how his character was made in this story. Everything, including his downsides, just fell rightly into the plot and that was something you wouldn't find mostly in the animes now a days. Another thing is that, I really liked how he could accept his own flaws but would still do something to compensate with it and not to be a burden to all the powerful people around him. He was the weakest but he was also the embodiment of willpower and unending hope which made him the strongest!

Story wise, as I've said, it was a very typical but was also different at the same time. It actually gave me the feeling that it was something that I've seen before but actually I haven't. I think it's because of how the story was narrated by using the main character. The writer was actually succesful in making me experience what the main character is going through, as if I am Subaru himself. Both of us learned things about the realm at the same time. Both of us believed that some things will happen, like on a typical story, but then will hit us the least that we have expected, as if both Subaru and I were played by fate. For example is what I have said from above, when Subaru first arrived on the kingdom and he thought that since he was summoned in a different world he would definitely have a super power, which made me believed also, but he actually never had. He also remained as an outsider, someone who do not hold so much of a power, a weak human with no special fighting ability except for his naturally strong body and an incredible amount of willpower. He was not revealed as a saviour but he made himself as the saviour of the kingdom. In the end, his journey to the other world actually made him a better man; wiser and stronger mentally and emotionally.

Overall, this story was very unique on its own way. Every seconds of each 25 episodes was worth watching as you wouldn't want to missed any sudden heart attack moments and important information that will be necessary for the future. It was actually a dark story that gets a little bit of depressing but would lighten up in the end. It's a complete pack of action, drama, suspense, mystery, romance and comedy with a bonus of life lessons and words of encouragement. YOU DON'T QUIT, YOU ONLY CHANGE YOUR PLAN and STORIES ALWAYS ENDS WITH HAPPY ENDING; It's not yet the end if it's not happy.

I can actually give this series a 10/10 score if not because of the hanging questions they left after the last episode. I hope this would be answered on the next season (if there will be!). I've heard that there will be an OVA but I don't think it will be enough to tackle everything and give the story a solid conclusion. This is the kind of anime that worth having more season! Anyway whether they'll decide to give it a season 2 or not I will still recognize this anime as one of the best I've watch for being unique and unpredictable as well as for having a well constructed story and characters.

Rating: 9/10 - highly recommended