#yazawa wrote him so well

[to-star-lake]

ok guys, hear me out.

so i recently re-read Nana which was (and still is) one of my favorite series of all time. and since then i've been feeling the nostalgia (and PAIN) i've been finding kindred souls who are also holding out hope that yazawa ai will pick it back up at some point.

BUT in my journey of reconnecting with the series and characters, ive read a lot of things about nana and ren's relationship and i can't not weigh in. (nobody asked but here goes XD)

don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of things both of them could've done better in their relationship, and many people say that when ren left to join Trapnest that was the fatal turning point for them, but tbh i think their relationship was doomed from the beginning.

nana said herself when she first saw ren play the night they met; she felt something more like envy/jealousy than love. she always admired ren and idealized him, perhaps more than she loved him.

as a result (paired with nana's very painful history of being abandoned by her mother), ren was more of a savior in her eyes than a boyfriend.

he taught her to play guitar, encouraged her to sing and express herself, and gave her a home. and because she always looked up to him, she couldn't help but feel anxious and inferior in some way when she was with him. i don't think she ever thought she was good enough for him and unwittingly created a relationship that was more about competition (and proving herself) than love.

for ren; similarly to nana, he had a very painful past of being abandoned by his parents and grew up on the streets by himself. perhaps he saw in nana a kindred spirit, and wanted to take care of her (in his final moments, he literally mistook a stray cat for nana); he took her in.

throughout the series, we see him hoping for a family that is with him always, for nana to want to be with him of her own volition, and to have children with him. (but he knew that wasn't what nana wanted, and he struggled throughout their relationship after their reconciliation with this fact).

from nana's perspective, i think ren leaving was so much more than a betrayal of her band, and a boyfriend leaving her: i think when he left, it made her feel not only abandoned, but like he was throwing it in her face that she wasn't good enough (he went to join a better band, in a bigger city, with a more talented female singer).

and it made it worse for her that even after their reconciliation, ren continued to choose Trapnest over her (leaving her behind when the tabloids were publicizing gossip that would only harm her reputation, refusing to help nana out of pent up frustration and jealousy when shin was arrested, in the end prioritizing reira over her).

but when ren joined Trapnest, i think that he found in them an even greater family bond than what he had with Blast. back in his hometown, while he loved the Blast members, it isn't the same as when he joined Trapnest. with Blast, it was all a bit of fun, almost child's play for ren, but he could've accepted that as long as he and nana were happy.

when he joined Trapnest, i think that was when he started to feel the true weight of camaraderie; of having a group of people with a bond stronger than friends or colleagues; they were soldiers together (ren had literally referred to the employees of cookie music working with Trapnest as takumi's soldiers). here, there was a profound kind of devotion and mission that gave him a greater sense of purpose in life, so i can understand why he would make choices that placed Trapnest above nana.

again, this is not to say that at any given moment in the series, nana and ren couldn't have made better decisions or said or done something different. but i think due to the fact that nana's feelings towards ren were always that of an admiration kind of love (rooted in jealousy and feelings of inferiority) instead of pure, unconditional love (which is not her fault, because no one ever really taught her how to love unconditionally). and that ren was destined to discover and devote himself to something bigger than himself (and nana). and the fact that both of them were so young but the stakes were too high; their relationship was doomed from the beginning.

[mediocreauthor]

nana komatsu: how we surpass trauma to survive

tw: rape, sexual assault 

I recently wrote the way Hachi didn’t acknowledge or deal with her rape was one of the most realistic portrayals I have ever seen, whether that was Yazawa’s intention or not. 

Now you can say how Yazawa portrayed certain issues was wrong and potentially harmful for many young girls who read NANA and saw incredibly damaging behaviors brushed over or not even portrayed as bad. And you would be correct but this post isn’t about NANA’s affect, but rather story itself. 

The morning after Hachi’s pregnancy was revealed, which I consider as a turning point of the story, Takumi raped Hachi. I really don’t want to sugar coat or be poetic about this, he raped her. Now, I have been seeing some posts excusing Takumi’s actions therefore I will explain why this is considered as rape. 

In chapter 29, we don’t see Hachi explicitly saying no or fighting back, but hesitant and reluctant because Nana is right next door. Takumi first tries to convince her and when Hachi remains hesitant, what does he tell her?  “You should worry about making me angry.” I am paraphrasing but the message was this. Hearing this, Hachi gives up and people might think she ‘lets’ Takumi do whatever she wants therefore it’s okay somehow, it’s not. 

I read this somewhere and I want all of everyone to read it as well: A ‘yes’ only has value when someone is comfortable enough to say ‘no’. Hachi’s unwilling ‘yes’ means nothing because she was just very openly threatened by Takumi. Hachi, alienated from her friends, knowing Nana sees her as a traitor, Nobu as a cheater, Hachi who had no support for her baby, was given a clear ultimatum by Takumi, the only person she had by her side: if you don’t give me what I want, I will hurt you. You will be left alone. So she does. And then she doesn’t even acknowledge it as rape. She is angry and distraught after but it’s for the strawberry glasses and she just looks slightly annoyed with Takumi. That’s all. Where is that dramatic aftermath we usually see in media, where woman cries, breaks everything within reach then stares blankly at the ceiling?

Because most rape aftermaths don’t look like that. I am BY NO MEANS saying women whose experiences was as I wrote above as invalid. Most rape cases aren’t reported, we know that. But there is also a heartbreaking amount of women who can’t even decide if they have been raped or not. Women, who are  haunted by a certain memory but always pushing it to back of their minds.  I believe Hachi is one of them.  There is a high possibility Hachi was unable to register it as rape but we -readers can observe the effects of it through her behaviour. Hachi is terrified of Takumi. Fans give her so much shit for not contacting Nobu, even Hachi called it out of selfishness and no action is done with one mere emotion, but she also avoided it out of fear of angering Takumi. 

Hachi’s fear of him is displayed plain as day during Shin and Reira’s birthday party. Hachi knew she has angered Takumi by staying at the party, she even considers divorcing him and her inner monologue was pretty brave and promising. So what changed when Takumi knocked on Nana’s door? I would like to break down what for me, is one of the most disturbing scenes in NANA.

This scene right here, is a cry for help for someone who can recognize certain patterns in abusive relationships.

Hachi was in a good mood right before this scene, Nana even pointed out she was too cheerful for someone in the brink of a break up. However, at presence of Takumi, she immediately caves and apologizes for doing things without his knowledge while at the same time, still offering a way out. This way out isn’t for Takumi, it’s for her. I am %100 sure if Takumi said ‘okay go live your own then’, even though sad, Hachi’s predominant emotion would be relief.

She is terrified of Takumi. Hachi is unable to escape this unless he gives her an out. She regretted her ‘choice’ of being with Takumi the morning after but she had no one or nowhere to go. Now, you might think ‘she could’ve gone back to her parents!’ or ‘she could’ve lived on her own’ and I want to counter with: abused people’s mind don’t function like that. Even though you are somewhat aware that you are being treated badly, taken advantage of, it’s pushed way back in your mind. Your world consists of only you and your abuser, you can’t think of options simply because you don’t see any. 

And your abuser makes you believe what they are doing isn’t a big deal. They treat you with kindness right after abusing you while not acknowledging their behavior to leave you disoriented and unsure about the weight of what you have experienced. What Takumi did to Hachi was exactly that. So what did she do? She surpassed it and moved on.

‘I didn’t allow it for the sake of our future, but because I wanted to escape the terror and anxiety of that moment’ Read this sentence over and over again and process it. If I read one more take about how ‘what Takumi did wasn’t that bad compared to other NANA characters’ I am going to fucking slap them with this panel. Hachi learned that disobeying Takumi is pointless. She allows it even when considering separation, why? She is paralyzed by fear.  Because she tried to object Takumi once and learned her lesson. Obedience is so much easier than what you might face with your abuser. You bend and cave, do everything in your power to avoid their wrath. It’s safer.  Admitting that you haven’t received the best treatment from someone who is supposed to cherish you is an act strength by itself. I do not blame any victims of abuse who don’t want to admit or process their trauma. It’s hard, it’s terrifying and frustrating. Being able to process your trauma is a luxury most women don’t have. Hachi doesn’t have it with a belly up her nose at the age of 21. She is in a vulnerable position and don’t think even for a second Takumi isn’t aware of it. 

Next day, Hachi greets Takumi by the door as usual. Their home life becomes pretty stable since she takes all his micro aggressions,  his snarky comments and belittlement with slight annoyance, still with humor. Because the other scenario is losing herself. She surpasses her trauma to maintain her sanity. 

Why do I love this? 

Because a lot of women do exactly this. A lot of housewives who stick with their husbands despite years of abuse, young girls with their boyfriends do this. Because I read NANA at the age of 14 and didn’t even understand what Hachi went through but rereading it at 23, with what I have seen made me sob. Whether Ai Yazawa’s approach was irresponsible or genius I don’t know. But I took something valuable from it and if any minors or young adults especially are following me, I want them to recognize these patterns and behaviors too. 

And what should never be done is to take this tragic coping mechanism and turn it into an excuse to diminish your favorite rat boy’s behavior. You can keep saying what Takumi did wasn’t bad based on Hachi’s reaction, be aware it’s a survival instinct, not nonchalance.   To sum it up: Hachi is a survivor and what she lived through was just as sad and tragic as other characters, and  I am fucking sick of people invalidating it because she coped with a smile.

[soojinscherries]

Can you tell us the details about faline or y/n please??

I wrote this out in my notebook a while back, and it's based off of what google would give if you looked someone up.

--

Fauna

(Japanese singer)

Faline Yazawa, better known by her nickname and stage name Fauna, is a Japanese singer, rapper, and songwriter based in South Korea. She is a member of South Korean girl group I-dle, which debuted on May 2, 2018 under Cube Entertainment.

Born: Febuary 13, 2000 (age 22 years), Osaka, Japan

Height: 5'0'' (Soyeon's favorite detail)

Full name: Yazawa Faline

Hangul: 동물군

Kanji: 動物相

(^ might be wrong ^)

Parents: Yazawa Hana

--

Now other facts, that an average fan would have to dig a little deeper to find (bold), or only her close friends know (reg).

--

Faline is an only child, she was born in Osaka, Japan, and moved to Toronto when she was one. Her father, a real prick, left as soon as her mother (Hana) told him that she was pregnant. Hana was 18 at the time of birth, and she raised Faline with some money that her dad gave her after her own mother had kicked her out of the house for being a "Disgrace to their family". Faline never knew who her dad was, and was perfectly fine not knowing.

She did get some trouble at school, because some kids thought it was weird that she didn't have a dad and no one would play with her. The Faline met Elizabeth Hyun, a Korean/Canadian girl, and they instantly became best friends. They stuck together all through elementary, middle, and high school, well, not all of high school. (<- will be explained as the story goes on)

Other friends Faline meets in middle/high school:

Ein Hartvig, Danish and a cool guy, they met after Elizabeth and Elizabeth's soon-to-be boyfriend and Ein's friend set them up on a date, knowing that they already kind of knew each other from being in band together, but not knowing that they both were gay, but it kinda worked out in the end 'cause Faline and Ein continued on as best friends, even on into Faline's idol life. Also the person who taught Faline how to speak Danish. (Fans found out about Ein and Faline being friends when Ein called Faline on his live stream *not sure what to call this show, like whether it could be something almost like Seulgi.zip or Miyeon's show* to prove that they are friends to some Nevies who were in chat). Faline also worked at Ein's dad's car shop.

Caroline/Yujun Chung, Korean, her and Faline had something going on back in high school, even fans suspect it, but what happened in the janitor's closet, stays in the janitor's closet wink wink. And if you asked either of them, they'd say their relationship was never set in stone, so more like fwb. Caroline and Faline met through band, they both played trumpet and sat next to each other in class. And it was obvious that Caroline had a big, fat crush on Faline, but the ladder barely noticed, already having her eyes on someone else. (My mind is blanking here, but that is about it with Caroline)

Then there's Jonas, don't have a last name for him yet, but just know that he's a prick <3

That's about all I can give without spoiling too much of the story. I'll have to figure out how exactly I'm gonna post these, cause I really just wrote them as short snippets, not following any order- But that's a problem for future me, so stay tuned :)

edit: Forgot some minor details, like how when she was 15, she moved back to Japan, and how she decided that she wanted to be an idol on the whim--her Korean skills are a little better than Shuhua’s, she has more mistakes in writing than in speaking, and focuses on her pronunciation a bit more than grammar. She joined Cube the same time Miyeon did, and Miyeon was her first friend in Korea, so she’s also the member she’s closest to in I-dle. She didn’t come to Korea with 0 knowledge of Korean, having 2 close friends who were Korean, she knew a little bit from what they’d teach her sometimes, so she knew some basic stuff. 

She also has a black Maine Coon named Lucky, and a Cockatoo, that lives with her mom back in Canada, named Joy (Yes, named after Red Velvet’s Joy--Faline is a b i g Luvie) :] Might give her a third pet, I kinda want her to be one of those people, like Lisa, who has so many pets that it’s almost absurd- Originally the third pet was going to be a cotton candy corn snake named Zaki, but idk if that’d be too much? Prolly not, I-dle is already chaotic, having the fictional member have a snake shouldn’t be a problem-

[placebogirl7]

One relationship that I don’t see many talk about is the one between Takumi and Ren. I always found it pretty interesting. They don’t seem like real friends but they don’t dislike each other either. Almost everyone in the band is afraid of Takumi, even Narita who is his boss but Ren has no problem telling Takumi out on his bullshit. I find the conversations between them very interesting tbh and we find out quite a lot of what Takumi thinks. Ex when they are in the break room after he announced he was gonna get married and when Takumi is driving Ren back to his place. What I really hate is that Takumi never really did anything to help Ren with his addiction. It was only after Ren wanted to quit that he brought up rehab. He only cared for the band and not the actual members. What are your thought on their relationship?

Hello anon!

Sorry for the late reply but work and other personal life shits are killing me these last days! @-@ I needed time to answer to your question because it’s interesting and there’s a lot to say about. I agree with you, despite as I said many time I don’t appreciate Takumi (even if his character has been described so well by Ai Yazawa), I find interesting the relationship he had with Ren. I also agree that they don’t seem to be friends for real (at lest not if he compare the relationship Ren has with Yasu) but of course they get along well (otherwise they couldn’t be in the same band and Ren would have left Trapnest before like the other 3 guitarist did before him).  I guess some people in Cookie staff were afraid of Takumi’s bad temperament, other were just respectful because he understood a lot about music industry and he could manage things better than anyone else (I mean Narita was so usless compared to Takumi that they could have exchanged their roles XD). Some people was afraid to lose their jobs they had families to sustain, and since Takumi had the power to make them lose their job they didn’t say anything even if they didn’t agree with his way of acting or thinking. Ren, on the other hand, just wanted to play the guitar and do what he loved. I guess that he also knew that Takumi would have never fired him because he and Reira were the stars of the band and the songs he wrote were great, so he would have lost a too precious person: this is also demonstrated by the fact that Takumi had never fired Ren despite his drug addiction could have put all the band at risk.  I noticed too that Takumi opened up himself everytime he talked to Ren, but I don’t know if he did that because he trusted Ren or because he felt that Ren was the only one who wouldn’t have judged him even if he didn’t agree with his opinion or what he did. 

I liked those conversations you mentioned too, they are full of meanings. When they talked after Reira run away from the recording studio, Ren tried to make Takumi finally face the problem that he had tried to ignore for years (which is Reira loving him so much) and he tried to give him advices to avoid to disband Trapnest. I admit the advices Ren gave him were actually morally questionable (even Takumi noticed it and was surprised about it) since he suggested Takumi to have sex with Reira and marry her, because marrying the famous singer princess would have bring him more business that marrying an uknown girl, but Ren justified this saying that he was giving him advices that he would have been the only one able to follow, considering how much cold and willing to do anything he was. I’m not sure if Ren in that moment was just trying to help Takumi to find a solution or if he wanted to help Reira get what she wanted. Takumi on the other hand blamed Ren to be exactly like him, since he abandoned his girlfriend and friends to be famous. Ren didn’t understand Takumi’s words at first, but then when Takumi explained it better Ren realized he was right. Look at Ren’s face in the last image of the panel below: his look is sad despite he’s smiling.

The conversation they had in the ar was even more deeper than this one, maybe even because of Ren’s drug addiction which wasn’t under control anymore or because Reira and Takumi’s relationship was crackling. Takumi coldly admitted that he was going to Reira’s because even that was “part of his work”. This was Ren’s answer:

So, Ren perfectly knew that Takumi considered all his bandmates and staff as soldiers who have to fight on his side, but he also knew that his plan was so wrong and he was going to deceive Reira pretending to give her something he couldn’t: his love. Looking at their faces in the next panel, you can say how much they both knew this and how much they were sorry (maybe the first Takumi was sorry about the shit he made):

There’s also something in defence of Takumi’s in this conversation, something that surprised Ren too: the fact that despite he was doing something wrong he hoped Hachi and their daughter to be happy. It’s the first time he showed openly his affection. 

I hate too that Takumi didn’t do anything to help Ren with his addiction. But as we said and Ren himself said and Takumi admitted, he saw his bandmates and staff as a platoon. All he did was for Reira, people around him were just pawns on a chessboard that he moved in order to realize the plan he had for Reira. He became a musician for Reira, he created Trapnest for Reira, he sacrificed himself for Reira. No one was important apart from her (but in the end he did a huge mistake with her too, not treating her like he should have done).  Actually Takumi didn’t think about a real rehab even when Ren told him he wanted to quit Trapnest to not put the band at risk. He just told him “You can’t go to the hospital or to a rehab center, you have to stay at home and quit by yourself”. REALLY??? How can you say this to a person who clearly needs a professional help because he’s destroying himself and he can’t just stay at home alone and convince himself that he doesn’t need drug anymore while the withdrawal kill him??? When Ren admitted he wasn’t confident to be so strong to manage to quit by himself, Takumi just did a face that if I could have been in the manga too I would have punched him until he died, litterally. He seemed to find his words like bullshit while Ren was actually suffering so much...

But again, he couldn’t let Ren leave Trapnest nor he could let him go to the hospital with the risk that paparazzi would have found out the truth and created a scandal which would have destroyed Trapnest. Trapnest must live for Reira’s sake, because without Trapnest Reira was anything. That’s why he cared so much for the band and not about the actual members (apart from Reira). He only realized his mistake when Ren died and Reira lost her mind and stopped to sing. I guess that if Reira would have continued to sing, he wouldn’t have mind to replace Ren in Trapnest, even if that night when Ren told him he wanted to quit he did all he could to convince him not to do that. 

So yeah, my opinion on their relationship is the same you have :) They were bandmates, they get along well but they weren’t actually real friends, otherwise they would have acted differently with each other. They would have been more helpful. I mean, Takumi’s attempt to convince Ren to quit on drugs isn’t comparable at all with Yasu’s. Yasu yelled at Ren but then, when he saw his fragility, he just put an hand to Ren’s shoulder and told him to stop forcing himself to be like him or Takumi, since he wasn’t. On the other hand, Takumi thought Ren was like him or wanted to be like him. He never truly understood Ren’s real attitude, because he didn’t care like he didn’t care about all the others except for Reira. 

Thank you so much for asking! <3 

[ryqoshay]

How to Handle a Nico - Dinner at the Nishikino’s

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Words: ~4.1k Rating: K Time Frame: Late in Maki’s 1st year and Nico’s 3rd year in college. Story Arc: Stand Alone

Author’s Note: This chapter was assembled from a patchwork of about a dozen instances I wanted to include and thus wrote each separately. And somewhere along the lines, MS Word decided not to sync between my PC and mobile devices, so I ended up with two, slightly differently edited versions. Thus, here’s hoping my self-purported prowess with prose was successful in stitching this scene into a sensible structure. Please forgive any unsightly seams.

Nico couldn’t remember the last time she had been this nervous. No, wait, just a few days ago, her first date with Maki. Well, first official date, not counting all of the not-actually-date-but-technically-were-dates from years prior. Unfortunately, that was quickly falling into second place as she approached the gate to the Nishikino home.

Perhaps the date had been easier because she knew Maki, knew Maki liked her, knew Maki liked spending time with her, knew Maki wanted to date her, and was fairly confident Maki was attracted to her. She had known all of these things even before they started dating officially. As such, looking back, she wasn’t sure why she had been so nervous for their first date, because with the exception of one little hiccup named Etsuko, it had all gone splendidly.

But the parental Nishikinos were more of an unknown. Nico had met both of Maki’s parents a handful of times throughout the years, but had never really gotten to know either. She was all but certain she would have little problems with Maki’s mother as she had apparently been talking behind the scenes with her mother about her and Maki’s developing relationship. And she had been quite supportive of Maki’s time as a school idol, so Nico didn’t think she would object to her intended career choice.

Maki’s father on the other hand… Nico remembered quite vividly when he almost made Maki quit being a school idol after her grades slipped the tiniest of bits; not even enough for her to drop from her position as top of her class. Umi had been the one to stand up to him, which made sense insofar as she understood having parents with high expectations. Still, looking back, Nico couldn’t help feeling a bit of regret that she hadn’t been the one to protect Maki. Sure, she had offered her support, but…

“Good evening, Yazawa-san.” A voice came over the speaker.

Nico jumped. Had she even pushed the button to announce her presence?

“Yes, good evening.” She replied as she recognized the voice of the Nishikino estate manager.

“Ojou-sama has informed me of pending arrival, though as always, you are most welcome here.”

“Thanks.” Nico replied as the buzzer sounded to indicate the gate was unlocked.

One gate down, literally. Nico thought as she made her way toward the front door. Though part of her wished Maki had been the one to answer the intercom, she was nonetheless thankful that it had been a member of the house staff with whom she got along well. At least it hadn’t been…

“D-Dr. Nishikino?” Nico sputtered as the door suddenly swung open to reveal a towering, bespectacled man who immediately fixed her with a cool and calculating gaze.

Damn. Why had she stuttered? This wasn’t the first time she had met Maki’s father, and if all went well tonight, it wouldn’t be the last. You can do this Nico! Sure it wasn’t the man she expected and she was caught a bit unaware, but… Gah! Stop being intimidated. You’re here for a reason! And that reason is Maki-chan!

“Yazawa-san.” Maki’s father stated flatly.

“Hi…” Nico cutoff by clearing her throat. “Good evening.” She corrected, offering a polite bow. “I’m…”

“I’m afraid my daughter will be unable to entertain your visit tonight.” Dr. Nishikino interrupted. “We are expecting an important guest who should be arriving presently.”

I’m an important guest? No, wait, of course I am! I’m Maki’s girlfriend now. So, buck up and tell him that.

“Yes, sir, that guest is me.” For emphasis, Nico indicated the stylish dress she had picked out specifically for the occasion. “I’m Maki’s date.”

“…” Dr. Nishikino raised an eyebrow but remained steadfast in his position.

“Nico-chan!” the voice of an angelic savior came from behind the barrier of the paternal Nishikino. “Papa, let her in.”

Dr. Nishikino stepped aside and…

Holy… Nico had to make a conscious effort to avoid letting her jaw hit the floor. Not that Nico, at any point, had forgotten that Maki was beautiful, but when the redhead went all out, it was all she could do not to stare. Though elegantly modest, the deep purple dress still managed to highlight Maki’s best features.

“You’re early.” Maki said, bringing Nico back to reality.

“I’m sorry, did I take you away from your precious piano?” Nico couldn’t help teasing a bit, figuring the younger girl had wanted to arrive at her parents’ home earlier for a few moments of nostalgia with the instrument she grew up playing.

“Yeah, actually.” Maki admitted as she glanced away sheepishly.

“Well maybe after dinner, you can continue your concert, but with an audience?” Nico pointed herself as if it wasn’t already obvious who she meant.

“I’d like that.”

“You look lovely, by the way. Purple always looks good on you, Maki-chan.”

“Thanks.” Maki replied as pink dusted her cheeks. “You look good too. I like when you leave your hair down. It makes you look more…” She trailed off.

“More?”

“Sorry, I meant…”

“More mature?” Nico completed what she believed to be her girlfriend’s thought.

“Uhm… yeah…”

“I’ll have you know Nico is always mature.” She squared her shoulders and placed her hands on her hips pridefully.

Maki raised an eyebrow in a way that left no question as to her linage.

“Anyway, I haven’t seen that dress before, is it new?”

Maki nodded. “Mama and I just got back a little while ago from picking it out.”

Huh… Mama and I were also just out shopping for my dress. Nico thought to herself. And, wait a minute… “We match.” Or at least they matched in the way their old idol costumes matched in overall theme and enough details to be an obvious set while maintaining enough individuality to be unique as well.

“We do?” Maki glanced down at herself before back at Nico. After half a second, she smiled. “Yeah, we do. What a nice coincidence.”

Nico found herself wondering if the coincidence was perchance planned by a pair of meddling mothers who meant well. She made a mental note to ask her mother about the issue later, if for no other reason than to thank her for the cute gesture.

“So, dinner isn’t for a little while yet” Maki continued “but they might have appetizers ready already so why don’t we head to the dining room and I’ll quick check?”

“Lead the way.” Nico decided not to bring up how she still got lost in the huge house, even after visiting frequently over the last few years.

“You coming, Papa?”

Nico realized she had all but forgotten the paternal Nishikino was still there. Stealing a quick side glance, she found him quietly observing the couple. If she was reading things correctly, his aura had warmed somewhat, though was no less calculating than before; gears were obviously grinding behind his stoic expression.

“Your mother and I will meet you at the table.” Dr. Nishikino stated. “I’ll go find her.”

As Maki took her hand to lead her through the house, Nico noticed her grip was tighter than normal. A lot tighter. Maki was more nervous than she was letting on. Just how worried was she about her father’s approval of their relationship? Nico already knew Maki’s mother was wholly supportive, as was her own, but the only things she really knew about Maki’s father were that he had high expectations for his daughter and was not particularly fond of idols.

“Wait, Maki-chan,” Nico said, stopping in the hallway before they reached their destination “hold up a moment.”

“Eh?” Maki uttered, not seeming to notice the change and almost yanking Nico’s arm out of the socket before being held to a halt. “Nico-chan?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Maki.” Nico fixed her girlfriend with a steady stare. The redhead returned the gaze, though was far more furtive, and when she began to fidget with her hair, Nico reached out and gently touched her hand. “What’s wrong?” She repeated.

Maki released a puff of air. “I’m nervous, alright? I… I just really want Papa to like you.”

“I’m nervous too.” Nico admitted, her thoughts racing through things she could say to calm them both down. “But you know, he didn’t turn me away at the door, so that’s gotta count for something, right?” She paused for a moment. “Well, technically, he did, but that was before he realized why I was here, but he still let me in, so that has to mean he’s willing to give me a chance, right?”

“I just… I know he’ll bring up idols, and…”

“Maki-chan.” Nico took a step in to close some of the distance between them. “Nico didn’t become the No. 1 Idol in the Universe without learning a thing or two about reading her audience.”

“…” Maki’s expression wasn’t one of disbelief but of continued concern.

“Look, I’m not going to lie to your father about my career of choice, but I’m also not going to try to convert him into a fan or convince him that idols are the most amazing thing ever, even if I believe that myself.”

“I know…”

“And I am attending college and aim to get a degree.” Nico continued. “Sure it won’t be a fancy medical degree like yours, but I’m getting it while still being an idol. So that’s also gotta count for something, right?”

“Papa does respect hard work.”

“And Nico is a hard worker.”

“I know.” Maki affirmed, dropping her hand before leaning her head into Nico’s hand. “Nico-chan is one of the hardest workers I know when it comes to working toward her goals. It’s always admired, and envied, about you.”

Nico scoffed. “You say that as if you don’t work hard as well, Maki-chan.”

“Mmm…” Maki hummed in a tone that implied she was paying attention to something other than the conversation at hand.

Hand… Maki closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek against Nico’s hand, causing her to open her fingers to increase contact. It should be fine here, right? Nico moved in the rest of the way and tilted her chin up. Maki followed her hand as Nico guided her down. Their lips touched and…

“Oh dear…” A startled voice uttered, causing the couple to jolt away from each other. “I’m terribly sorry to interrupt, Ojou-sama.”

“I-It’s f-fine…” A blushing Maki stumbled through.

Nico recognized the woman one of the newer members of the Nishikino house staff. She was responsible for general assistance wherever needed.

“Welcome, Yazawa-san.” The woman said with a polite bow, but when she righted herself, her expression was thoughtful. “Although, now that you’re dating Ojou-sama, perhaps Yazawa-sama is more appropriate?”

“Just Nico is fine.” Nico assured.

“Right, anyway, I’m on my away to retrieve some bottles of Cloudy Bay at the behest of the master.”

“White?” Maki inquired.

The woman nodded. “We’ve prepared a delightful shrimp pasta for the main course.” She turned to Nico. “Ojou-sama has informed us of your talent in the kitchen, so we hope to meet your standards, Yazawa-sama.”

Guess the new title is going to stick. Nico thought to herself. “I’m sure it will be great.”

“The caprese salads should be ready if you wish to head to the dining room now.”

“Tomatoes, of course.” Nico couldn’t help commenting.

“Yes.” The staff member confirmed. “We have also been informed of one of your preferences, so for dessert, we will be serving traditional crepes with lemon and sugar.”

“Sounds delicious.”

The woman smiled before bowing again to excuse herself and hurrying down the hall.

“Is there anything wrong with your father requesting white wine?” Nico asked, trying to gauge her girlfriend’s reaction.

“I don’t believe so.” Maki shook her head. “White is better paired with seafood, after all.”

“Yes, but…?”

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Maki shook her head again. “Cloudy Bay is actually one of Papa’s favorites. He’s quite fond of the New Zealand area in general.”

“One of his favorites? That’s gotta be a good sign, right?”

“I hope so.”

Nico took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then released it slowly. “Well, the salad is apparently ready, so we may as well get to it.”

Maki nodded before taking Nico’s hand once more to complete their journey to the dining room. Nico noted, thankfully, that her girlfriend’s grip was far more relaxed this time around.

Upon arrival, the couple was greeted by the Nishikino estate manager who showed them to their seats. Shortly thereafter, Maki’s parents arrived and took their own seats. Next the chef and her assistant from before arrived with the first course. Finally, the first bottle of wine was uncorked and the meal was underway.

“So, Yazawa-san,” Dr. Nishikino stated, drawing Nico’s attention “you’ve known Maki since high school, am I correct?”

“Yes.” Nico affirmed. “It was Maki-chan’s first year and my third.”

“I see. And were you one of the girls who helped convince her to become an idol?”

Well, that didn’t take long for the subject to come up. Nico thought to herself. Straight to the point, I guess, unlike a certain dishonest daughter of his…

“Actually, it was the other way around.” Nico replied.

“Oh?”

“I was in a disillusioned and jaded state back then, after my first attempt at forming a group fell through.” Nico admitted. “And it was Honoka and Maki-chan and the others that pulled me out of my funk and helped me remember why I adored idols so much and wanted so desperately to be one.” She couldn’t help smiling as fond memories flooded her mind. “I really do owe them all a debt of gratitude for that.”

“I see. And you are still an idol now?”

“Part time.” Nico nodded. “I was able to find a small production company that was willing to work around my classes. It fills up my schedule and keeps me busy, but also lets me keep my foot in the door.”

“Because you intend to go full time even once you’ve earned a degree?”

Nico wasn’t particularly fond of the wording of the question and had to resist the urge to call it out; had it been Maki and they were in a more casual setting, she likely would have done so.

“I do.” She said aloud instead. “And once I retire from being an idol, the degree will help me find other employment.”

“And what type of employment might that be?”

“Something still in the industry, if possible.” Out of the corner of her eye, Nico caught a suppressed expression of surprise on her girlfriend’s face. Understandable, as it was news to Maki as well. “Choreographer, trainer, costume design, heck maybe even a producer, someday. Basically, I’d like to pay forward my debt by helping the next generations of idols.”

“And one is able to earn a living in such an industry?”

“Others have before me; I believe I can as well.” Nico gave another glance to the redhead beside her. “I may not have the skills to become a life-saving doctor like Maki, but I can still do my part to make the world a better place; one smile at a time.”

“Medicine, law, business, engineering,” Maki’s mother suddenly spoke up “these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.” She smiled at Nico. “I believe Mr. Keating’s words hold true for many things. Music, painting, writing, really the arts as a whole are what make life worth living.”

“Mr. Keating?” Nico inquired.

“The lead character of Dead Poets Society.” Maki responded. “We should watch it sometime, Nico-chan; it’s really good.”

“And it is because the arts are so important” Dr. Nishikino continued “that my husband and I strive to support them as much as possible. In fact, we will be attending a performance of The Barber of Seville late next month and have not even started sending out invites to fill our box. You two are more than welcome to join us.”

At this, Maki’s eyes lit up. “Next month? When?”

“I’ll message you the dates later, but it’s a weekend so you should be able to work it into your study schedule.”

Maki turned to Nico with an expression rivaling the one she wore when December started. “Do you want to come with me?”

Nico smiled at her girlfriend’s excitement and word choice. “I’d love to. But where have I heard that title before?”

“From my playlist.”

“Tchaikovsky?” Nico made sure to pronounce the name as correctly as she could.

Maki shook her head. “Rossini.”

Nico racked her memory. “Cinderella?”

“Yes, different opera, same composer.”

“One smile at a time, you said?” Maki’s father suddenly stated.

“Oh, yeah.” Nico recalled her words from a few minutes ago.

The barest hint of something tugged at the edges of Dr. Nishikino’s lips. “Well, if nothing else, you have succeeded in making my daughter smile.” He nodded toward Maki, directing Nico’s attention back to the mentioned reaction. “And as my wife and I can attest, that is not always the easiest of tasks.”

“… P-Papa…” Maki offered a mild protest as pink dusted her cheeks and her mother chuckled.

Nico couldn’t help a smile of her own as she turned back to Maki’s father. “I think I’m up to the challenge.”

“Indeed.”

Wait… wasn’t this a bit hypocritical? Nico suddenly thought. Why claim to be a patron of the arts while simultaneously disallowing one’s daughter from being an artist?

On occasion, Maki had bemoaned being railroaded into the medical career while her dreams of being a professional pianist were dismissed as a passing fancy. Yet she hadn’t acknowledged the contradiction. Was she even aware of it? With the level of reverence Maki held for her parents, Nico could easily imagine her remaining oblivious; well, that and Maki’s overall naivete in many aspects of life.

Should she tell her? Was it even Nico’s place say such a thing? Nico was no stranger to speaking her mind when it came to her own interests, or those of her siblings. And she was dating Maki now, which meant defending her girlfriend’s best interests also shouldn’t surprise anyone. Or at least what she believed to be Maki’s best interests, as her parents obviously felt differently.

“On a related topic, Yazawa-san, Maki has told us much about your shared love of music.” Dr. Nishikino continued.

Nico derailed her own train of thought and refocused her attention on the conversation at hand. “It is one of our favorite subjects to discuss… or argue over.”

“And you often listen together while studying.”

“I believe music helps keep us in a good mood, which then helps us study.” Nico explained.

“I think we can all attest to the positive effects of music.” The Nishikino matriarch said.

“Indeed.” Her husband agreed.

“And Maki-chan has helped expand my appreciation of other genres of music.” Nico turned to her girlfriend. “And I’d like to think I’ve expanded hers as well.”

Maki nodded an affirmation with a smile.

“Maki also has told us that she often helps you study.”

“She does.” Nico confirmed. “Maki is incredibly smart. Even if she doesn’t know the answer to a problem, she is often able to logic things through and help guide me in the right direction. Honestly, if I didn’t already know she was going to be a doctor, I’d’ve suggested she become a teacher.”

“Now that would be an interesting career choice.” Maki’s mother said thoughtfully.

“Hrm…” Her father seemed less than convinced. “So, do you help her study in return?”

“Well…” Nico started.

“Nico-chan helps in other ways, Papa.” Maki offered. “Even if she isn’t able to help me with a given topic, she helps ensure I take regular breaks so I can come back with better focus. She makes sure I’m hydrated and helps track my nutrition and is quite insistent on keeping a decent sleep schedule. Honestly, she’s better at taking care of me than I am.” Her eyes widened as her admission registered in her mind.

“That’s right,” Her mother continued with the thoughtfulness from earlier, though Nico was sure she detected some teasing undertones “wasn’t it Nico that saved Maki from herself back on her birthday?”

“Mama…” Maki was losing a battle in trying to keep down another blush.

“Maki is very diligent in her studies.” Nico stated. “And I’m happy to help where I can.”

“Hmm… sounds like another couple we know, right Dear?” Dr. Nishikino sent a sly smile toward her husband, the teasing more obvious now.

“… Perhaps.” Maki’s father conceded.

Was it Nico’s imagination or did she just catch another glimpse into the source of some of Maki’s behavior? The Nishikino patriarch wasn’t the easiest to read behind his stoic mask, but his daughter wasn’t always straightforward with her emotions either and Nico had figured her out fairly well by this point.

As far as Nico was concerned, the rest of dinner went quite smoothly. Once Maki’s father got past his initial questions, he remained mostly quite. It ended up being Nico and Maki’s mother carrying the bulk of the conversations, which honestly didn’t really surprise Nico all that much. Maki’s mother inquired about Nico’s family, though Nico suspected she already knew most of the things anyway and it was more for Maki’s father’s sake. Still, Nico wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to brag about her amazing siblings and about how proud of them she was in taking care of the household and themselves in her absence.

After dinner, Maki’s parents excused themselves to finish up the day’s emails and paperwork. Nico couldn’t help but wonder if that would be something Maki would end up doing once she became more involved with the hospital administrative duties.

As for Nico herself, she joined Maki in the Nishikino music room for the previously promised private concert. There, she had happily settled into the best seat in the house, next her girlfriend on the bench. All in all, it was a wonderful conclusion to what she believed to be a wonderful night. However, as confident as she was, she still wanted to be sure, so she made a mental note to ask the one she believed would know best, or at least better than herself.

“So, how did I do?” Nico asked, once she was sure they were well beyond earshot of anyone even remotely associated with the Nishikino residence.

“You were perfect, Nico-chan.” Maki responded with a smile that sent a warm feeling through Nico’s chest. “I think Papa likes you and is fine with us dating, and we already know how Mama feels.”

Thank the gods… Nico thought with relief. And with that load off her mind, “Of course I was perfect,” she decided to get in some teasing of her own, after spending the evening watching Dr. Nishikino do so “Nico is always perfect.” She grinned and held up her signature gesture.

“Id…” Maki’s typical retort was interrupted by a yawn.

Nico laughed before continuing the tradition. “You love it.”

“… Maybe…” Maki managed to get out as her energy seemed to be leaving her rapidly.

Nico leaned her shoulder into her girlfriend. “Steady there, Maki-chan, you going to be alright getting back to your dormroom?”

“Eh? But, I thought…”

“You thought…?”

“I thought I was going to your place?”

“Well you can, obviously you’re always welcome, but…” Nico motioned to Maki’s outfit, taking the moment to enjoy the view as well “I figured since you don’t have a change of clothes, you wouldn’t want to put this back on in the morning.”

“It’s fine…” Maki stifled another yawn. “I just want to go home…” She blinked and shook her head. “I mean your home… Yours… yours and Nozomi’s, I mean… ueeehhh…”

Nico chuckled. “It’s your home too, Maki-chan.” By the gods did she want to kiss the redhead whose cheeks were now matching her hair, but even this late at night, there was a risk of being seen. Later. She promised herself. “Nozomi and my names may be on the lease,” she said instead “but that doesn’t make it any less home to you or Eli.”

“T-thank you…”

“You don’t have to thank me for that; that much is normal for couples, right? But you know, Eli does leave a lot of stuff in Nozomi’s room…” Nico thought aloud “perhaps I should clear out a drawer and make some room in the closet for you.”

“I’d like that.” Maki smiled. “I’ll be sure to bring some stuff over soon.”

“Good. For tonight, you can borrow your usual sleep shirt and we’ll figure out something else in the morning. I think the outfit I lent you the other day is clean, but if not, maybe Nozomi has something that will fit you.”

Maki nodded.

“Then it’s settled.” Nico took Maki’s hand as they boarded the train together. “Let’s go home.”

Author’s Note Continued in Followup Post

[cruelangelstheses]

but now i’m all smiles

fandom: love live! rating: G characters: nico yazawa, nico yazawa’s parents words: 2.6k additional tags: parent-child relationship, parent death, pre-canon, angst with a happy ending, terminal illness, grief/mourning description: when nico is six years old, she realizes her father is dying. a/n: hi all!! i wrote this for the @kindergarden-zine and now i can post it!! i wanted to explore nico’s relationship with her father, based on her school idol diary entry in which it’s pretty much all but stated that her father is dead. i had her call him “papa” and her mom “mama” because it says in the footnotes of the translation that she calls him “papa” in the original text of the diary entry. thank u for reading, enjoy!! <3

read it on ao3

—

It’s almost dinnertime, and Nico Yazawa is on top of the world.

She rides atop her father’s broad shoulders, feeling his large, warm hands holding her body so she doesn’t fall. Her body bounces as they make their way down the hill from her preschool and tread down the sidewalk of their neighborhood. They’re lucky to live so close—from up here, Nico can already see her house very faintly in the distance. She can see everything from up here, it seems: the houses, the preschool, the trees, the bright orange sky. It’s a perfect day.

Underneath her, her father says, “Do you want to sing your theme song, Nico?”

He asks her this question every day after school, and Nico always has the same response. “Yes!”

Her father counts to three, and then they both start singing together, a song her father made up just for her. “Nico nii, nico nii, ni-co ni-co nii! Nico nii, nico nii, ni-co ni-co nii! Smiling cheerfully, with a ni-co ni-co nii! Smiling like the sun, with a ni-co ni-co nii!”

The song always puts a smile on her face, but she supposes that’s the whole point. Her name, “Nico,” means “smile,” and her father has always told her that he wants her to keep on smiling, even when things get hard. That’s why Nico tries her best to smile even when she scrapes her knee on the playground, or when she doesn’t want to clean her room, and if she ever has trouble smiling, she just sings her father’s song. It always puts her in a better mood, but the best time to sing it is when she’s on her father’s shoulders, coming back from a long day at school, knowing that dinner should be ready by the time they get home. With the warmth of the setting sun on her face and her fingers able to touch the tree branches, she feels like she can go anywhere, do anything, be anything.

After a few rounds, her father lets her off of his shoulders so that they can walk the rest of the way together. They play hopscotch on the sidewalk, even though there isn’t any drawn on the ground. They’ve done this so many times that Nico has memorized the pattern: three hops on one foot, and then it goes two feet, one foot, two feet, one foot, two feet, and repeat. Of course, the pattern can vary, but this is the one she and her father go by, all the way from the sidewalk up the driveway and into the house.

She happens to land on both feet right when she makes it inside, and she and her father both cheer. “That means today is a lucky day!” her father says excitedly as he bends down to give her a congratulatory hug.

Nico grins so wide she thinks her face might split. It’s a good day, a perfect day, a lucky day.

—

That night, Nico awakens to the sound of sirens.

They’re louder than they usually are when she hears them in the distance, and the concerning part is that they don’t get quieter, don’t seem to fade away. Confused and annoyed, Nico pulls herself out of bed and wanders over to the window, standing on her tiptoes so that she can see over the windowsill. Her heart nearly stops right there.

Sitting in the driveway of her home is an ambulance.

Nico knows what an ambulance is, and she knows what it means. Ambulance equals hospital. Ambulance equals someone in danger.

Nico pounds out of her bedroom and nearly trips on her way down the stairs from running so fast. Her mother is standing in the living room, watching as a few men who look sort of like doctors or nurses wheel her father out the front door on some sort of portable bed. He looks like he’s sleeping.

“Mama,” she says, her voice sounding small and squeaky, like a mouse. “Mama, what’s happening?”

Her mother, who looks stressed but not devastated, sighs and rubs her eye tiredly. “Papa is going to the hospital,” she says. “Something urgent came up that they have to fix, but he’ll be fine after that.” She gives Nico a tiny smile, but Nico doesn’t feel much better.

Her father has some sort of sickness, has had it for as long as she can remember. He’s been in and out of hospitals before, but they were always appointments, regular check-ups to make sure he was doing okay or to give him some special medicine. He hasn’t had to do that in a while, though. The doctors said he was going to be fine; they called it “remission.” This shouldn’t be happening.

“Hey,” her mother says, pointing to her own face and smiling with her teeth. “Nico nico nii, remember?”

Nico tries her best to smile back. “Ni-co ni-co nii,” she chants, but she can still feel the fear in her heart.

Her mother nods. “Nico nico nii,” she repeats. “Now go back to sleep, sweetie. We’ll go visit Papa tomorrow, since you don’t have school.”

Nico nods and trudges back up the stairs. As she reluctantly climbs into bed, she sings her father’s song to herself, picturing his radiant and smiling face, but part of her feels betrayed—not by him, necessarily, but by the world. Today was supposed to be a lucky day.

—

They find out the next day that Nico’s father is probably going to have to stay in the hospital for a bit longer than they thought he would. The disease has come back, the doctors say; they call it a “recurrence,” a relapse. Nico tries to put on a brave face in front of her father, but it doesn’t feel right. It feels like lying. She knows he wants her to keep on smiling, but it’s hard to smile when she thinks about how he’s not going to be waiting for her after preschool, not going to carry her on those big, strong shoulders of his. Still, she finds some solace in the knowledge that it’s just for a little while, and then he’ll be back on his feet, playing hopscotch with her like he always does, and everything in the world will be right again.

—

He isn’t getting better.

Days turn into weeks, which turn into even longer, and still her father hasn’t been discharged from the hospital. New problems keep popping up—“complications,” they say—so they have to keep giving him different treatments. Her mother’s insistence that he’ll come home soon has started eroding away, and Nico can see through her halfhearted reassurances. They visit him in the hospital all the time, and he certainly doesn’t look like he’s getting any better. In fact, every time they visit him, he almost seems worse. He’s more tired, and he doesn’t look as big or strong as he used to. He still smiles whenever he sees them, though, a real smile, and despite everything, visiting him helps Nico smile, too.

One day near the beginning of winter, Nico’s mother takes her to a nearby florist, an old family friend, to pick out some flowers for her father. They did this a few months ago for his birthday, but today isn’t a special day, she doesn’t think, so she’s not quite sure why they’re doing it again.

“Sometimes it’s just nice to have flowers,” her mother tells her as they walk through the door. The tinkling of the bell that signals their arrival is music to Nico’s tiny ears.

She has to look at everything. Only the prettiest, happiest of flowers will do for her father, and there are just so many types and arrangements for her to assess. Some of them are too boring; some are too fancy. She needs something that will make her father happy, and she needs something that will show him how happy he makes her.

After considering several different arrangements of various pinks and blues, Nico finds herself drawn to an arrangement she almost missed, sitting on a somewhat higher perch near the back of the store. It’s simple but bright: yellow lilies punctuated by soft purple sweet peas. The contrast mesmerizes her, reminding her of when she and her father would color together. He would tell her about primary colors and complementary colors, and she would find herself surprised by how certain colors look better next to a particular hue.

“This one,” she calls. “This one, Mama!”

As they pay for the flowers, the florist tells them that this arrangement is great for expressing joy, as well as gratitude for the good times. Nico prides herself on picking the perfect gift, as always.

She’s so excited at the prospect of giving her father such a wonderful bouquet, she almost forgets that they’re seeing him in the hospital. She almost forgets that he’s been looking more sickly with every visit. She almost forgets that he’s dying.

Granted, nobody’s ever told her that he’s dying, but Nico can tell. She’s six now. She’s not dumb. She knows that death happens when someone is very old or sick and that it means they won’t come back. She knows that it’s sad, and she knows that it’s happening to her father. She’s long since stopped asking him when he’s going to come home.

Her mother carries the flowers and leads her through the hallways to her father’s room, a route she’s terribly familiar with by now. She hates the strange smells and sounds of the hospital, and she hates looking at the weird machines that her father is hooked up to. But it’s worth it to see him.

Her father smiles as soon as they walk in. “Nico!” he says, but his voice is weak, and he doesn’t seem to be able to move much. “Come give me a hug.”

Her mother helps her climb up onto a nearby chair so that she can lean over and hug him without hurting him. He feels soft and bony, not at all like the strong arms she remembers. She wonders if he would even still be able to lift her.

“Papa, I picked out flowers for you,” she says, plopping down on the chair. Her mother smiles and places the vase on the windowsill. Nico concludes that she made the right choice—she likes the way they immediately brighten up the dull gray of a cloudy winter day.

Her father grins. “They look lovely. So beautiful and cheerful. Just like you.”

Nico smiles briefly, but she can’t stop thinking about something the florist said to her mother when she thought Nico couldn’t hear. Nowadays sweet peas are mostly just used because they’re pretty, she said, but in flower language, they mean “goodbye.” Nico glances back over at the flowers, thinking about the message they’re sending: Thank you for all the happy times and for being such a wonderful father. Goodbye. I’ll miss you.

Her father must be able to tell that she’s preoccupied—of course he can—because he reaches over and takes her small hand in his large one. “Now, now,” he says, “it’ll be alright. Just remember the song. We can sing it together.”

Nico forces herself to smile again. “Okay.”

Her father counts to three, and then they both start singing, much softer than they would when walking home from school. “Nico nii, nico nii, ni-co ni-co nii! Nico nii, nico nii, ni-co ni-co nii!”

Both of their voices are shaking, his likely from the sickness, hers probably because she’s trying not to cry. But she loves her father, and she knows that all he wants is for her to be happy, so she keeps going. “Smiling cheerfully, with a ni-co ni-co nii! Smiling like the sun, with a ni-co ni-co nii!”

When they finish, Nico glances out the window and is surprised to see the first few flakes of snow drifting down. “It’s snowing!”

Her father laughs. “Well, would you look at that? Our singing brought the first snow of the season.” He pats Nico on the shoulder. “When you get home, Nico, I want you to go out there and have fun in the snow. No, twice the fun. Enough fun for you and me both.”

Nico nods and hugs him again, burying her face into his neck so that he doesn’t have to see her cry.

—

Her father passes away the next day.

The months that follow are a whirlwind of sorrow and strangeness. Life seems to simultaneously stop in its tracks, yet move too fast at the same time. Life as Nico knows it has stopped, but this new life, this life-without-her-father, feels like it’s running off without her, leaving her in the dust like a train she just missed.

That winter is the hardest winter of her life. The cold and the grayness are a perfect mirror for the mood that permeates the Yazawa household. No matter how much she reminds herself to keep smiling, no matter how many times she sings her theme song, no matter how many good memories she replays in her mind, the world still feels muted, the colors drained, the air freezing without the warmth of her father’s arms or smile. Even on days when the sun shines, it feels like it’s mocking them.

It’s over that lonely spring break, when it’s still too cold outside to properly be called “spring,” that Nico discovers idols. She’d known about them before, but she never really knew what they did, never really took an interest. Now, though, with nothing to do for a week and little motivation to do much of anything, Nico finds herself watching idol performances on television, fascinated by their perfect choreography, their matching outfits, their cheerful harmonies.

What really gets her, though, is the audience’s reactions. They yell so loudly that Nico wonders how their lungs don’t give out, waving multicolored lightsticks and sometimes shouting different phrases in unison. At the end of a performance, when the idols say their goodbyes and tell the crowd how much they love them, the fans cheer and even cry in happiness, and that’s when it hits her: a desire unlike any she’s ever experienced. A desire to share in that moment. A desire to make people happy.

Now that she thinks about it, becoming an idol seems obvious. It feels like her father has been preparing her for it all along by singing along with her and teaching her the importance of spreading happiness.

She remembers the song she’s been singing all her life. It was meant to make her smile, but maybe it can make others smile, too.

—

On the first day of elementary school, Nico stands in front of the mirror in her room, practicing her idol moves. She’s wearing an adorable pink skirt, her hair ties look like cherries, and her backpack is shaped like a bunny rabbit. Nico bends down both of her middle and ring fingers so that only her pinkies, pointer fingers, and thumbs are sticking out. “Ni-co ni-co nii!” she cheers, putting her hands up and smiling widely. It’s going to be a perfect day, maybe even a lucky day.

It’s still hard without her father, and she has a feeling that it’s going to be hard for a long time. But he wanted her to keep smiling, and that’s what she’s going to do.

“Nico!” her mother says as she leans up against the doorway. “Let me take a picture of you outside on your first day of elementary school!”

So they both head out the front door and slip their shoes on. Her mother stands in the yard and holds up her camera. “Smile!”

Nico strikes the same pose she was practicing in the mirror. Thank you, Papa, she thinks, and as she sends her love up to the heavens, Nico Yazawa, future number one idol in the universe, flashes a winning grin and sings, “Ni-co ni-co nii!”

[carib0us]

Coffeeshop Date 02: Atashi no koto no yume mite ne!

Asahi de megasameru made Dō ka sutekina yume o mite Nayami koto wa min'na wasurete Tanoshī yume o mirunda yo Dakedo don'na yume o mite ite mo Hon'nosukoshi de kamawanai kara Atashi no koto o omoidashite ne*

Cocoro was worried about Maki. In other words, it was a day like any other day. But ..

She looked in the mirror, and a worried, classically Yazawa-faced girl looked back at her.

Was it a little more worrisome, lately? Maki-chan had said she was moving on and had finally come to terms with the personal tragedy the two women shared. But it didn't feel that way to Cocoro.

Maybe - very probably - it was the upcoming reunion. She'd convinced Maki that it would restore her bonds with the other girls and help to exorcise some ghosts at the same time. By which she did not mean Nico. Memories of her were going to be with them for the rest of their lives. But the old pain was going to struggle before leaving. It had been inside Maki for a long, long time, making itself at home.

Their coffeeshop date a few days ago had gone well. No doubt about it. They'd talked very normally and very openly. There wasn't any guilt hovering over Maki, not anymore. Cocoro knew - in her bones - that Nico would have wanted this. She loved Maki, and she loved Cocoro, and if they eased each other's pain, that's what Nico would have demanded. Maki had always felt conflicted.

Look at me, up there, Maki - she thought. Look at me, and remember. Yes, you had a lover - a soul-mate - and she's gone. But it was worth all the pain you're in. Before Nico pulled you out of your shell, you were living your whole life with gloves on. And I am going to carry on in the same way. Look over at me when we're on stage, doing what she did. Feel all that pain, because at least you know you're alive. At least you know you cared. You won't be able to make that don't-care deadpan face about this one. I want you to smile a little, too. She always said the #1 job of an idol is to smile when you don't feel like it, and force yourself not just to do it, but mean it.

Cocoro's face got its determined look.

I knew my sister, Maki-chan. If it was you. If you were gone. She'd start every show - every one, every time - by saying to herself "This is for Maki because she can't be here, and I have to be my best for her. I hope she can see me in Heaven." So do it for her. I won't mind.

Cocoro decided to bring her diary to school with her - she had a two-hour break today and could organize her thoughts and reflect on her situation at the student center. Even though she was almost 3 years younger, she had to be the calm center for her often emotionally volatile girlfriend. Journal entries helped a lot.

She brushed her hair, worn down, put her non-corrective glasses on, and headed for school.

On the train, she mused over a dream she'd had the night before. Maybe writing in her diary would help her remember it. She took it out to flip through it and remind herself where in the diary she'd stopped the last time. On the front it said "Nikki-chan's imouto. I belong to Yazawa Cocoro." Nico called her diary Nikki-chan. Maki had it now, but Cocoro had read it. Most of it was rather sad.

Cocoro found the place where the writing stopped. It looked odd to her somehow. Like her writing was off, but not like she was agitated or tired. It was just subtly different. So, what had she been writing about? She couldn't remember very well.

"I don't envy you, younger me. On the one hand, you have to be much gentler than Maki and the agencies and the school were, because Nico is very fragile. On the other hand, you have to confront her on her tendency not to say anything and not to take care of herself. And of course, if she asks where all this came from, she won't believe you for a second."

It wasn't anything she remembered writing, and yes, somehow it was reminding her of her dream. She flipped back and saw pages of writing she didn't remember doing. Had she been so stressed she was spacing out?

At school, she ran into Yukiho and Alisa. Alisa and Cocoro had been excited about going to a school that had good performing arts programs. Yukiho had gone here to stay in touch with Alisa, and also, as Alisa had said trying to get her to go there, so she could be just like her onee-chan. Yukiho clearly saw the school as more work than fun, but getting through it together was a big help. She didn't really know their status, but if either of them had dated someone else, Cocoro didn't know about it. She was a couple of years behind them, but she didn't think she was any less mature than her two sempais.

At any rate, it'd been a while since they got together, so they decided to meet up when Cocoro had her break. She decided to chat wth them about her dream and her diary mystery. After what had happened to Nico, and seeing how fragile being isolated had made Maki, Cocoro had a phobia about closing herself off and having a lot of secrets.

Thanks to her sister, Cocoro had had a happy childhood. So, unlike Nico, she didn't feel compelled to periodically slack off and spoil herself in school. She stayed on an even keel, and if she didn't get grades as good as Maki's in subjects as tough as hers, she was still a good student who rarely worried about her classes.

She chatted with her fellow students after the class just before her break, but kept an eye on the time on her phone watch. She made it to the pre-arranged table in the student center at the same time as Yukiho and Alisa did.

"So," she said, after they all got coffee. "I have been getting my thoughts in order about Maki and the reunion performance. I was going to organize my thoughts with my diary, but now I have some mysteries to solve."

"Mysteries sounds interesting," Alisa said. Yukiho looked somewhat interested, as well.

"For one thing I had a dream, I think the same kind of dream on two or three nights, and I can't remember it when I wake up."

Yukiho said she had had something like that once. Alisa nodded, she had had that happen as well.

"But the real mystery is, when I opened my diary, the recent entries are ones I don't remember writing at all."

"That really sounds like stress, Cocoro-chan," Yukiho said. She knew first-hand, from dealing with her older sister Honoka, what letting stress build up could do to someone. Alisa agreed with Yukiho.

"You said you were getting your thoughts together about Maki and the concert, and that's a lot of stress already, right?" Alisa asked.

"You don't always know how stressed you are, Cocoro-chan," Yukiho continued. "My sister is proof of that, and I don't want to bring it up, but it does run in your family, too."

Cocoro wasn't stubborn, or not about this. "Well, I wonder," she said.

Yukiho said "If you decide you need help or want to talk more, later. Especially about the concert."

Cocoro didn't feel convinced it was about that, on second thought.

"Must .. do .. concert... must ... not ... tell ... anyone ... oh ... what ... am .. I doing ... on the ground..."

Yukiho's ability to imitate her sister had always been pitch-perfect.

Alisa and Cocoro both laughed, and Cocoro promised to keep touching base with them both.

"But anyway, I should show you the last entry, it's really weird. I don't mind discussing it, and I couldn't agree more that burying a possible problem is the worst way to deal with it."

She opened it up to where she'd seen the last unfamiliar entry. There was one line after it that she didn't remember seeing even that morning. The writing looked like her handwriting from several years ago:

"I don't understand this. I don't understand what's going on. Am I going crazy?"

Cocoro appreciated the sentiment, because she absolutely didn't remember writing THAT.

Alisa and Yukiho saw Cocoro go pale with shock and drop her journal.

It was worrisome. That morning, Yazawa Cocoro had felt like she was going crazy. There were all these lines in her diary that she didn't remember writing. They seemed to be tied in with an ominous dream she couldn't remember, even though she tried hard. It was about her sister, and her friend Maki. And it was scary.

She decided thinking you were going crazy was worse than openly writing it down and considering it. It reminded her of how Nico had talked to them about Papa's death. The younger ones were told that a place called Heaven had called Papa and he had to go, and he wasn't allowed to even say goodbye. That they'd see him again someday but not soon. Needless to say, the way Heaven did things didn't sit well with them ever since. Sometimes, just in case, they waved to the sky because Papa was watching. But Cocoro and Nico eventually had a talk.

"Sister, it helps me sometimes to write things down. I go less crazy chasing my own thoughts." She had put her grief aside and bought Nikki-imouto-chan for Cocoro.

She was right. Writing down all her sad, despairing, crazy, angry thoughts had calmed Cocoro down. Somehow, when you wrote something down, it became more real. Which hurt. But then you could go on with life somehow.

Cocoro set her jaw and pulled out her diary. There was more writing in it that she didn't remember putting there. Worse, it didn't entirely look like her handwriting. More like someone doing a good job of imitating it, but being a bit forgetful here and there.

Resolutely, she wrote, on the facing page:

"I don't understand this. I don't understand what's going on. Am I going crazy?"

That was the question.

Maki was worried about Nico. That was usual, these days. In addition to seeing signs that she was under too much stress, there were ominous dreams Maki'd had lately. She couldn't remember them, but she felt like they were about Nico. And for some reason, one of the dreams felt like it was about a younger Nico that she'd never met.

Maki wondered if she wasn't projecting onto Nico a little. After all, there was a little note at the top of the homework she'd done last night. A note she didn't remember writing.

"You should get a journal. You should do it today. It's important, Maki."

It was probably a bad idea to start to do what the voices - well, notes in this case - told you to do. So she would not, in fact, get a journal. She should probably talk it over with someone.

Nico? Well, eventually. But worrying over her sanity would only stress Nico out more. Her parents? They were already dubious about virtually everything Maki was doing now. That wouldn't help. Rin and Hanayo might be good candidates - she felt a little bad putting it on them. The rest of the µ's girls she really didn't feel comfortable with, enough to spill her guts, anyway. Although, this kind of did seem like Nozomi's cup of tea. Still, that thought made the rational Maki cringe.

Also, wasn't being deathly afraid of following the advice of your unconscious about as bad as following it? With a sinking feeling, she realized the idea of setting her thoughts in order in a journal was starting to appeal to her.

No. That way led down a bad road. At the end what would the notes want? Human sacrifice? Running around the city naked? Maki's thoughts filled with all sorts of dire possibilities. But then again, wasn't that an obsessive thought? There was just one note, she'd been both tired and stressed lately. And the suggestion was reasonable.

If worst came to worst and she felt like she was really losing her grip, she could point to, presumably, increasingly deranged diary entries as proof that she needed help, if she sought it.

Feeling a lot like this cycle of threat and reward was how all obsessive-compulsives got started, she nonetheless left the house, went back to the station and to a bookstore near it and purchased a daybook.

On the short local trip back, she wrote her first entry.

"Today I bought this journal with mixed emotions. I am stressing out over Nico, I am stressing out over how much I am stressing out, and I feel guilty because I am the one who has been pushing Nico and putting most of the stress on her, and for quite a while now. I was really pleased when she got accepted into an excellent performing arts school. However, she hasn't had a chance to relax at all in over a year, and once she hits the school she will be studying and performing non-stop. I don't think that's good for her. It's the first time I've admitted this, so my thought of getting a journal is not all bad.

This morning before school I found a note, written in my handwriting, that I didn't remember, saying I had to get a journal. So this new hobby had its origins in craziness."

She saw she had a text from Nico. Her usual, lovely, light-hearted, teasing banter. She was telling Maki apologetically that she'd been neglecting her and they both needed to touch base. Maki texted back that they should have coffee tomorrow after Maki was done with school. Nico agreed, with her long string of niconico emojis.

Maki set her jaw. She had suddenly decided that tomorrow they needed to sort a few things out over coffee. Or maybe cocoa, she didn't think she could have this discussion with Nico calmly if her veins were humming with stimulants. But somehow, she suddenly felt a wave of relief. As if something was breaking loose that needed to break loose.

Maki was a bit worried about Cocoro. They were having another informal date, and her idol girlfriend was, basically, spacing out. Moreover, she was looking over at Maki a couple of times as if she wanted to say something desperately, but had no idea how to say it. Neither was a good sign, probably. Maki gave a noticeable sigh and was reaching for Cocoro's hand.

Then it happened. What "it" was, Maki didn't know. She just knew she had a sudden, strange, uncanny feeling. It went through her like a chilly wind. Looking over at Cocoro, she was sure she'd just felt the same thing. Maki looked all around. No one else in the coffee shop had even blinked.

"Did you feel that?" Cocoro said, in a kind of stage whisper.

"I .. I did, Cocoro. What did you feel?"

"Like a ghost walked over where my grave will be."

"Oh, nice image for your girlfriend, Cocoro. This is why I won't watch scary movies with you."

"Fine fine. But what WAS that?"

"I don't know. It was real or both of us wouldn't have felt it. But it was confined to our area, or these other people - " Maki swept her hand around in a half circle "would have felt it, too. I've never felt anything like it. Ever"

"Me either .. it's hard to describe. In a way, it reminds me of some dreams I've been having lately, Maki."

"Oh, my goodness," Maki looked up and looked Cocoro in the face.

"Wait, you too? Can you remember them?"

"No, I think I was dreaming about Nico, so I didn't think there was any point in telling you. You've already heard enough about that from me."

"But did you remember an eerie feeling, too?"

"In the dream? Sorry, I just don't remember enough. I could agree, but I might be editing my memory to mesh with your suggestion."

"Well, anyway, Maki-chan, I had a similar, but weaker, much weaker, feeling when I woke up. And when I saw some strange things written in my journal, I had that feeling again. I'm glad you felt it this time, or I'd worry about my sanity even more."

Maki was silent.

After a while Cocoro took her hand.

"What?"

"I had that exact thing. There were things written in my journal I didn't write, or didn't recall writing."

"Wow, this is becoming unsettling."

"There's something else, Cocoro. I always stack my work neatly by the bed, you know that. When I woke up, my papers were scattered. Kind of in the direction of my desk. Where my journal was."

"So you were .. sleepwalking?" Cocoro asked. Then, suddenly, "Oh! I get it. You were maybe sleep-WRITING as well. I am not as neat as you so I would have a hard time proving it, but that would explain my situation, too."

Then Cocoro remembered something.

"Maki, this isn't really the first time this has happened to me, you know."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, when Nico was alive I had the same kind of thing, anyway. I remembered those dreams a little, the feeling, anyway. It was like Nico was there, wanting to write in my diary. But it wasn't Nico. It just looked like her. But sure enough, when I woke up, ''she'' had written in my journal. I was scared to tell anyone, and it eventually stopped."

"When Nico was alive, huh? ..." Maki trailed off. She looked sad and thoughtful.

"Honey, I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

"No, it's not ... it's not just that. When was this?"

"This?"

"Your dreams, and your journal. How long before ..."

"Months, I think."

"Well, you won't believe this, but..."

"You, too?"

Maki paused. "Well, not at first, since I didn't have a journal let alone a hobby of writing in one every day. Instead, one day I found a note at the top of my homework saying I had to get a journal right away. Against my better judgment, I did."

"And the dreams?"

"Yes, I had similar dreams for a couple of days in a row, on separate occasions, that I couldn't remember. They were about me, and Nico. There was another person, but I didn't see another Nico. I saw another Maki. Or at least that's the vague recollection I could recover."

"Do you remember anything about her?"

"Her as in me?"

"Yes, her as in you," Cocoro said with a smile.

"Again, just a feeling. she was older ... sadder .. much sadder."

"Oh."

"If I thought such things existed, I would have called them premonitions. Warnings about the future to come. But those don't really happen."

"And where in that picture is invisible shuddery forces that pass through our bodies - both of ours - even though I wasn't even looking at you?"

"So, even before that, is that what you were working up your courage to talk about?"

"Maybe. First I wanted to talk about you and how you're still so tired and overwhelmed."

"Fine. I am so tired, and so overwhelmed. Thank you for noticing, Cocoro. Now, should we, literally I mean, compare notes?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I want ..."

There it was again. It must be Cocoro's time to be afraid to raise subjects with Maki.

"Spit it out."

"I want to go to the professionals."

"You want to what? What does that even mean?"

"I realize that this is not for you, Maki. I would never judge, I love you totally because of everything you are. But we both know someone that does feel at home with things like this."

Maki said a name questioningly, Cocoro definitively.

"Nozomi?!"

Maki was glad some foreboding had caused her to order cocoa at the last minute. Even without stimulants, she could feel her blood pressure rising. But looking over at her dear little companion, at her hopeful, pleading face, she knew where they would be heading soon.

Maki gave another long sigh. This one admitted defeat.

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[fainthefrog]

Yazawa Family Headcanons

Mama Yazawa is named Kome and Papa Yazawa was named Shoutaro, the two of them named their children to fit with their names. The Co in Nico’s name comes from Kome, Cocoa is supposed to be a sort of combination of Co and Shou (A nickname Mr. Yazawa commonly went by), Cocoro takes the Co from Kome and Ro from Shoutaro and their final child, Cotaro is a combination of Co and Tarou, from their names. (They probably made up a lot of these justifications later, Cotaro was absolutely intentional though)

Cotaro has no memory of his father, he died too early for him to remember.

Shotaro was originally a musician, serving as Nico’s inspiration. It was originally his ambitious to do it as a job, however it eventually became more of a hobby. When Nico was young, he used to pretend he was actually a famous musician, claiming that he was going out to perform when he was actually just at work. This is a big reason why Nico did the same thing for her siblings.

Both parents worked, however they scheduled it so there was always someone looking after the kids. Neither of them had particularly good jobs though.

Shotaro wrote a version of Nico Puri for Nico when she was younger, years later, when she needed a solo, Nico rewrote it.

Nico sings her dads old songs every year on the anniversary of his death, she likes to think that he’s out there somewhere, listening.

Nico’s mother didn’t start out with a very good job, originally having a very low position in her office. However she worked her way up to where she is now.

Despite them being more well off thanks to Kome’s job, they stay in their apartment due to the sentimental value.

If he were alive, Shotaro would be immensely proud of his daughter, supporting her career as an idol to the fullest.

Nico sometimes gets jealous of Honoka and her relationship with her Dad. It makes her think of how supportive her Dad would’ve been if he was still alive.

Even when they get older, the three Yazawa siblings still retain their interest in idols and follow Nico’s work diligently. 

Cocoa and Cocoro brag about Nico being their older sister constantly. It only sometimes impresses the other kids.

Kome and Shotaro met when he was performing at a party. They hit it off instantly, he started writing songs dedicated to her and played them whenever possible, hoping she’d take the hint. She always got it, but never told him, acting oblivious to get him to confess himself.

[dimensiontripperhibiki]

Addiction (18/?)

I seem to be in a very Addiction mood at the moment so I guess that’s what I’ll be updating most often. Maybe. Thanks for all of the comments, reblogs etc. You guys are awesome and I really do love to hear what you think about this so...yeah! Enjoy the chapter! Warning(s): Sexual scenes, violence, cheating.  Umi was walking down the hallway to the art clubroom when she thought she heard the sound of music coming from another room. She paused in the hallway, listening curiously. It sounded familiar. Very familiar. It didn’t take her longer than a few minutes to recognize the melody as ‘Start dash’. “Odd…” She mumbled to herself. Deciding to go an investigate she followed the sound to the art room at the far end of the corridor. Cautiously, she pushed the door open and stepped inside, the music growing louder. “Oh…” She stopped short just past the doorway. There was only one person in the room. Amagi was sitting in front of a canvas, her side to the door. She was nodding along to the music as she painted, a focused look on her face. She was dressed in her school uniform without the blazer. The left side of her cheek had a streak of red paint on it. The rest of the room was as messy as she was. There were jars of water on almost every surface along with clean and unclean paintbrushes. “You like our music?”

Hibiki startled at the sudden voice and almost fell from her stool. “Ahh, Sonoda-san! I-I um...I didn’t know you’d be around this part of the school. Did you need something?” “Just giving this form to the art club.” Umi held up the form in her hand and stepped further into the room. “So…?” She nodded toward Hibiki’s open laptop. “Oh, y-yeah. Everyone knows Muse…” Hibiki said with a slightly nervous laugh. “Music helps me focus and...yours is great. I’m a big fan.” “Oh yeah? Name more than two of our songs.” Umi said with an expectant smile. As she’d thought, Hibiki’s face fell. She laughed softly in response. “It’s fine. Don’t look so worried.” “Wild Stars and No Brand Girl. And of course, Start Dash.” Hibiki answered, putting down her paintbrush. She looked down, noticing the ring on Umi’s finger. “Oh, so you confessed to them?” “Wha…?” Umi looked down too, blushing when she noticed what Hibiki was referring to. “O-Oh yeah, I um...I did. I would be grateful if you could keep it a secret though. I don’t think she wants anyone to know yet and...it’s complicated.” “It’s Kaichou you’re with, isn’t it?” Hibiki turned more toward Umi, crossing one leg over the other. “I thought there was something odd about the way she looks at you compared to how she looked at Minami-san…” “That’s the complicated part…” Umi uncomfortably rubbed her neck. She wished she could just be with Honoka properly. If she’d just confessed all those months ago they wouldn’t even be in this mess. “She’s my best friend. Kotori, I mean. I feel bad for....this.” “Well I suppose they were going to fall apart eventually if Kaichou had feelings for you. So it’s not your fault.” Hibiki said with a shrug of her shoulders. She looked sincere though. “I’m guessing that’s why you didn’t give me a chance.” “Yeah...I’m sorry about that.” Umi apologized with a wince. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I know how hard it is to confess to someone. Actually I don’t, I never had the courage to confess.” Hibiki waved her off. “It’s fine, I knew you had feelings for someone. I just wanted to confess. To get everything off my chest, you know? I’m…” She trailed off when she noticed Umi giving her an appraising look. “What?” “You’re not like an ordinary fangirl.” Umi noted thoughtfully. She had plenty of them and Hibiki just wasn’t like them. “I’m not part of your fanclub Fuku-Kaichou. I’m just an admirer, that’s all.” “Wait…” Umi touched her chin with her index finger, trying to figure something out. “Then why did you join archery when you were going to be part of the art club?” Hibiki suddenly looked sheepish. “To be honest, my father made me take one sport. I thought archery would be easy.” She noticed a flicker of outrage cross Umi’s face and grinned at her. “Sorry. I’m not good with sports. I’m an artist.” “I guess that explains how you managed to put an arrow through your hand.” Umi said with a sigh. She rubbed her temples tiredly. “You’re not what I expected. Everyone describes you as being perfect but you’re kind of cheeky too.” Hibiki gave a short laugh. “I hate rumors. Sometimes people should shut up and mind their own business, I think. But the truth is, I don’t care what people say. Not like Nishikino…” “Maki has a hard time fitting in, that’s all.” Umi’s tone turned a little defensive. “She just wants people to like her, I don’t see anything wrong with that. And her dad is strict. I doubt she wants to get in trouble with him over something like someone at school thinking less of her.” “Don’t take it the wrong way, Sonoda-san. I’m not saying anything bad about her, I’m just saying that I think she shouldn’t let her father get to her.” Hibiki said hastily. “She should do what makes her happiest and in my opinion she seems happiest when she’s with Muse. I really wasn’t making fun of her.” “I’m sorry.” Umi finally said with a sigh. “It’s not like I really thought you were...well I kind of did but Maki has had a rough few months and people haven’t always been nice to her. Especially first years. I’m sorry I got the wrong idea. You might want to work on how blunt you are though.” Hibiki shrugged and flashed Umi a grin. “Sorry, Sonoda-san. That’s just how I am.” “Umi.” Umi corrected. She continued when Hibiki frowned in confusion. “You can call me Umi. We’re...kind of friends now, right?” Hibiki smiled widely at the suggestion. “Okay...Umi-tan. You can call me Hibiki” “Eeehh?” “I like giving people nicknames. So Umi-tan. It’s cute, don’t you think?” Hibiki asked somewhat smugly. “You can give me one if you want.” “Uh…” Umi paused, wondering is this was really the girl who’d stuttered out a confession to her. “I think I’ll just call you Hibiki.” Hibiki looked momentarily displeased before she spoke up again. “So if I’m your friend I’m Kaichou’s friend too, right? Can I call her Hocchi?” “What? No! I mean I don’t know. Maybe if you ask her...actually Honoka would probably be into it.” Umi sighed and hung her head. “How are you suddenly so…?” “Forward?” Hibiki asked, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know. I just feel like I can be myself around you. I never really had many friends except the ones I meet in Shibuya.” “Oh…” Umi said slowly as if that really answered anything. Hibiki could see that Umi didn’t really understand what she was saying. “Look, even if I don’t care about rumors that doesn’t mean I have friends. Fans, sure. But not friends. Besides they don’t know the real me so what’s the point?” “Uh…” Umi took a moment to look the girl over, noticing her shirt was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up to her elbows, she also didn’t have her bow on. It was on the table. She was wearing red chucks rather than the indoor shoes they were meant to wear. Her gaze travelled back up and she noticed the girl was wearing a chain around her neck, a golden paintbrush charm hanging there. Her ears were pierced too, she noticed. She wondered how she’d missed it before. “Wait, I’m sorry...I don’t mean to be rude o-or anything but um...if you’re like...this, um...why did you even like me? I mean I’m boring in comparison.” “It’s always the quiet ones who are the most interesting.” Hibiki said with a coy smirk. “Besides you could say that once I found out you wrote No Brand Girl, I fell in love with your writing.” She watched as Umi turned bright red. “But that’s in the past. Having a friend is better than having a lover sometimes…” “Shameless…” Umi muttered, pressing her hands to her cheeks in an effort to cool herself down. “Aren’t you just as shameless though?” Hibiki raised an eyebrow and nodded toward Umi’s neck. “Looks like you’ve been getting down and dirty with Hocchi.” “Aaah!” Umi’s hand shot to the mark on her neck. “I thought you were so innocent! You’re not like the rumors at all!” “Sorry to disappoint. So what’s the deal?” Hibiki asked, trying to sound unfazed. “You don’t want to be my friend anymore? I don’t think take backs are allowed.” “Of course I do.” Umi said quickly. She flashed Hibiki a reassuring smile. “Just trying to work out how you’d get along with Muse really. Honoka will like you, I’m sure. She’ll be happy you gave her a nickname. She spent so long trying to get me to give her one when we were kids...” “Oooh, inside information.” Hibiki hopped down off her stool. “Anything else?” “You might want to stay away from Nico.” Umi said thoughtfully. “Yazawa-senpai...maybe you’re right. I’d probably make fun of her Nico-Nico nii shtick…” Hibiki said with a nod of her head. “Nozomi might like you. In fact I’m sure she would.” Umi said, looking Hibiki up and down. “You’d probably get on really well with her.” “Nozomin.” Hibiki said with a firm nod of her head. Umi sighed. “The nicknames are going to get annoying…” “Yeah well get used to it Umi-tan.” Hibiki retorted, drawing an exasperated groan from Umi. “So do I get to meet them? You were talking like I get to meet them.” “Maybe eventually.” Umi said with a small smile. She was still a bit puzzled but it hardly mattered. “Oh, I have to get these to the president of the art club. I completely forgot.” “I’ll give them to her. Don’t worry, Umi-tan.” “Oh...thank you.” Umi handed over the forms she needed filled in. “Can you tell her I’ll pick them up tomorrow? If she could leave them on her desk. Or with you. I’ll come and find you after school.” “Alrighty then.” Hibiki grinned as Umi backed away. “I guess I’ll get back to my painting. I hope I didn’t scare you off with the nicknames.” “You didn’t…” Umi hesitated at the door as Hibiki looked back at her painting. “I kind of like mine.” When Hibiki turned toward the door again, Umi was already gone. --- Eli watched Maki pace back and forth in front of her, her brow furrowed with concern. She didn’t know what to say to calm her down. “I don’t want to go.” Maki was muttering under her breath. “I just know papa’s going to pull that crap again. But I have to go. Ugh, I hate this…” “If you’re this worried about it, are you sure I should go with you?” Eli asked uncertainly. She didn’t especially want to go anyway. The way Maki had described it didn’t make the thought of going very appealing. “Of course! Are you kidding me?! You coming with me is the only good thing about the night that I can think of!” Maki protested hurriedly. “I’m sorry. What I mean is that if I have to go to this, you kind of have to go too. That’s one of the key deals with me. Going to this stuffy bullshit.” Eli raised an eyebrow. “Does your dad know you curse like a sailor? Maybe he’d think twice about taking you if he did.” “No...I have slipped in front of mama though.” Maki shook her head, realizing she was getting distracted. “But the point is you have to come. I’ll go to whatever you want me to in the future, I promise!” Eli thought about that for a moment. “There’s a chocolate fair coming up soon…” Maki sighed and rolled her eyes skyward. “You’re worse than Honoka with bread. Fine, I’ll go with you to that if you want.” “I can’t wait.” Eli said, smiling brightly at the agreement. “Fine. No more arguments from me about this. I really don’t think I’m going to fit in here though. I mean a charity fundraiser is a bit…” She trailed off, shrugging her shoulders. “Full of pasty rich assholes? Boring as hell? Yeah, I’d rather be anywhere else. I wonder who’s going to be there.” Maki paced across the room to her laptop and picked up the pamphlet. She read through it silently, her eyes widening. “The Sonodas and Amagis are invited. The Suzuharus’ are going to be there…” Eli tried to place them but couldn’t. “Who are they?” “Suzuharu Jun. One of my childhood suitors and the most obnoxious.” Maki tossed the pamphlet aside in disgust. “He thinks he’s entitled to everything. Including me.” “Entitled to you?!” Eli echoed in disbelief. “Right, that’s it. If he lays even one hand on you, I swear…” “Oh so now you want to go?” Maki asked in amusement. “If it means keeping him away from you, damn right I want to go.” Eli said, getting to her feet. “I need to go and find a dress to wear.” “Eli, it’s not for another week.” “I don’t care. If I’m going to look good enough to be by your side I need to find a decent dress.” Eli said firmly. There was no way she’d lose to this suitor. “Wait…” Maki grabbed Eli’s hand as the blonde made to leave. “Have you seen yourself? I mean...you look like you belong there more than I do. If everyone didn’t know who I am, that is. Trust me, you don’t need a fancy dress. I do have a request though...” “Oh?” Eli asked curiously. “What is it?” “Wear your hair down. You look really pretty with your hair down.” Maki gently drew Eli closer to her and pecked her on the lips. “And let me take that dress off you afterwards.” “Now who’s a perv?” Eli tried to act unaffected but she couldn’t deny the way her chest fluttered with excitement. “Maybe I am…” Maki purred, pressing herself as close as she could to Eli. “Maybe I’ll even wear what I bought when I went shopping with Honoka last sunday. Just for the afterparty at least…” Eli didn’t have an answer for that. In fact she was fairly certain her brain just short-circuited and she could only gape at Maki in surprise. “Li-Like um…” She cleared her throat, realizing she was about to embarrass herself. “What kind of...thing did you buy?” “It’s a secret.” Maki grinned and playfully prodded Eli’s cheek. “You’re blushing.” “I’m not! I’m just...ugh, forget about it. Come here.” Eli grabbed the front of Maki’s shirt and pulled her into a deep kiss, quickly backing them up to the bed. “I really hope I locked the door…” “I did that for you.” Maki mumbled against Eli’s lips. “Fuck, I love you.” Eli muttered back, threading her hands into Maki’s hair as they tumbled back onto the bed behind them. --- “Have you found anything yet?” Eli asked as she watched Nozomi rummaging around in her closet in search of something for her to wear. They were sitting in her bedroom, Eli having invited Nozomi over while she was at school. “It needs to be perfect.” Nozomi gave a soft laugh in response. “You sure are fired up about this, Elichi…” “Eh...kind of. I’m going because she promised to go with me to a chocolate fair in a few weeks. Besides, apparently there’s a guy at the party who’s also her childhood suitor?” Eli shook her head in aggravated disbelief. “I need to keep the entitled jerk away from her.” “Oh right, her family is rich. I always forget about that.” Nozomi tossed a light blue dress onto the bed next to Eli. “I guess she must get that a lot. Suitors and marriage interviews, I mean. She must hate it, what with her being...well gay.” “I hate it and I only just heard about it.” Eli muttered darkly, looking down at her bare feet. “At least with me there the guy will get nowhere near her.” “Like a knight in shining armor.” Nozomi observed teasingly as she went back to rummaging. “That’s sweet.” “Well I’m no Umi, but I try I guess…” Eli answered with a sigh. “What about you? Are you...doing anything with Nico?” “Besides the two of us being confined to my bed? Not really.” Nozomi answered cheekily. She stepped out of the walk in closet with two more dresses, red and black in color. “I think you should go with the blue. Blue looks good on you. Are you going to wear your hair down?” “Yeah, Maki said I should…” Eli idly reached up, touching her ponytail. “I’ll wear the blue dress, like you said. Thank you, Nozomi.” “It’s fine.” Nozomi said with a shake of her head. She went to perch on the bed next to Eli and lightly bumped her shoulder. “You’ll fit right in.” “That’s what Maki said…” Eli said with a shrug of her shoulders. “Do you mind if I ask you something?” “Sure, go ahead.” Nozomi said with a reassuring smile. She could tell that Eli was nervous, just by watching her. “What is it?” “It’s about...college. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. What might happen when we all graduate.” Eli chanced a glance at Nozomi and found that she was listening intently, a sincere look on her face. “Well, I was just wondering...I know we’ve been talking a lot more recently a-and I feel like we might be getting back to normal. Back to being best friends. Um...so I was wondering if we’d still be able t-to see each other after we graduate. Maybe just for coffee every now and then.” “We can have coffee together every morning if you want. You, me and Nicocchi. And we can ‘meet up’ for dinner every night if you want.” Nozomi said with a soft smile. “Wait...w-what are you saying?” Eli shook her head, trying to figure out what Nozomi was implying. “Elichi, you’re my best friend. Do you really think I’d let you live alone? We agreed, remember?” Nozomi lightly touched Eli’s arm and watched as her friend’s eyes welled up with tears. “Hey, hey...don’t cry. It’s...” She trailed off as Eli threw her arms around her, hugging her tightly.  She laughed quietly to herself and gently hugged Eli back. “You’re such a sap…” “I can’t help it.” Eli choked out, struggling to stop her tears. “I-I just didn’t think...we’d actually be friends again after…after I...and now we are and...” “Oh jeez, you’re blubbering…” Nozomi gently rubbed Eli’s back, waiting patiently for her to calm down. After a few minutes, Eli pulled away, rubbing at her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m just...so happy. And relieved. I just have to worry about Maki now…” “Worry about her?” Nozomi echoed in surprise. “Why? I mean if you’re worried about me feeling weird if she comes over, I won’t be. I’m trying to...be okay with it. I am okay with it, I just need a bit more time to be...better with it, I guess? But I won’t keep her from coming over. In fact I think it’s a good idea if she does.” “I actually just meant...it’ll be hard not seeing her all of the time.” Eli said sheepishly. “I’ll see her a lot less than I do now. I’ll be busy with college and studying and who knows how long it would even take her to get to where we live. I mean...what if it’s too much? God, I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this…” “I’ll make sure we get somewhere close to Akihabara.” Nozomi promised with a roll of her eyes. “Relax, Elichi. We’re best friends. We can talk about this stuff now. Sure, it’s not what we were imagining a year ago but I think we’ve both moved on enough. So stop worrying and tell me what you’re thinking...” Eli wasn’t sure but she continued anyway. “I’m thinking...that Maki might not want a part-time girlfriend. Or a relationship with that much distance.”   “You’re an idiot. Maki obviously loves you or she wouldn’t have stayed with you through all of this crap.” Nozomi said pointedly. “And look at it this way, she’s going to be busy with school. It’s not easy to get into Tokyo U pre-med. She’ll probably be going to cram school too…” Eli smiled to herself at the answer. “Yeah, she’s so smart…” “Elichi, focus.” Nozomi lightly flicked Eli’s forehead. “I can’t talk to you seriously when you’re fawning over your girlfriend. As I was saying, you’re both going to be busy and she’ll understand. You can skype. And you’ll see her on the weekend. Unless you decide to part every night…” “I’d rather be with Maki.” Eli said hurriedly. “She’ll sleep over. I’ll make sure I have time. She sleeps over at my house on the weekdays all the time now so it’ll be fine. Just not when I have exams. We can study together if we have to.” “There. You have your solution.” Nozomi said smugly. “ I told you it would…” She trailed off as her phone rang. Quickly plucking it from her pocket she found that Nico was calling her. “Oh sorry, It’s just Nicocchi.” She answered the phone, turning partially away from Eli. “Hey Nicocchi…” “Are you done with helping the moron yet? I’m making dinner.” Nozomi wasn’t surprised to hear Nico was at her apartment. She’d given her the spare key a few weeks ago. “Oh? What are you making?” “My famous curry. So you’d better hurry up and get here already.” Nozomi smirked and lowered her voice. “Well you need to motivate me. What are you wearing?” Nico released an irritated sigh. “An apron.” “Anything under it?” Nozomi asked hopefully. “NOZOMI! JUST GET OVER HERE FOR DINNER ALREADY!” “Fine, fine. I’ll see you soon, Nicocchi.” Nozomi hung up the call and turned to Eli who was pretending not to listen. “I have to go, Elichi. I’ll see you tomorrow?” “Sure.” Eli said with a small smile. She got up when Nozomi did. “Nozomi?” Nozomi turned only to find herself engulfed in another tight hug. She returned it just as enthusiastically. “I’m so glad you’re happy.” Eli whispered sincerely. “And thank you for everything you’ve done. What you said earlier.” “Don’t get sappy on me again.” Nozomi teased, giving Eli another brief squeeze before she pulled away. “But I’m glad you’re...happy too.” “Thank you.” Eli said, doing her best not to tear up again. “I’m gonna call Maki and tell her I have everything ready. Thanks for all of the help.” Nozomi waved her off as she crossed to the door. “It’s what friends do.” ---- “Are you sure you don’t want to just stay in the council room?” Umi asked, glancing over at Honoka. “You don’t have to come with me, I’m just picking up some forms.” “I want to. I don’t want you to go alone and I really don’t want to be alone with Kotori-chan right now…” Honoka said with a shrug of her shoulders. “Do you not want me to come?” “Of course I do.” Umi reached out and took Honoka’s hand. “I’m glad you’re here, I just didn’t want you to feel obligated or anything.” “Well I…” Honoka paused as something caught her attention. “Wait, is someone playing No Brand Girl?”

“Yeah.” Umi grinned and tugged at Honoka’s hand, urging her to keep going. “I actually have a...friend I want you to meet.” “Oh?” Honoka asked curiously as Umi tugged her into a room. When she saw who Umi was talking about her face fell. “Oh…” She recognized the girl immediately as the first year who had confessed to Umi. She looked different, dressed in a blank tanktop rather than her school shirt but there was no denying who she was. “Please give her a chance. She’s more than the rumors say…” Umi said hopefully, giving Honoka’s hand another light squeeze. Hibiki looked up at the sound of someone’s voice. “Umi-tan!” She exclaimed, hopping down from her stool. “You came! And you brought Hocchi! You don’t mind if I call you that, right?” “Eh?!” Honoka stepped back slightly as the girl approached. “Hocchi? What…?” She looked over the girl, noticing the piercings in her ears and the fact that she was wearing white chucks with little designs on them. “I’m confused…” “It’s normal to be confused with an artist.” Hibiki grinned. She walked to her school bag, rummaging through it for a moment before she took out some sweet bread and tossed it at Honoka who barely managed to catch. “I was going to eat it for lunch but forgot. Umi-tan says you like bread?” “Thank you, um…?” “Oh. It’s Hibiki. But you can call me whatever you want.” Hibiki pulled a couple of forms from her bag and handed them to Umi. “Your forms, Fuku-Kaichou…” “Thanks.” Umi smiled at the formality and took the forms, casting a quick glance at Honoka who still looked bewildered. “So...if you call me Hocchi, can I call you um…” Honoka seemed to think for a moment, tossing ideas around in her head. “Biki-chan?” “Biki…” Hibiki smiled brightly at the suggestion. “That’s so cute! Okay, sure. You can call me that if you want. Umi-tan, you could…” Umi shook her head. “I’m sticking with Hibiki. Your name is fine as it is.” Hibiki pouted and crossed her arms in front of her. “You’re no fun…” “Umi-chan’s never been any fun.” Honoka said, flashing a teasing smile at Umi. “That’s not to say she’s not fun to be around though.” “Oh, you’re wearing a ring too!” Hibiki exclaimed, noticing the ring hanging from a chain around Honoka’s neck. “Do you mind if I take a look?” “Uh…” Honoka almost took a wary step back but then Hibiki was in front of her, carefully holding the ring between two nail polished fingers. “Oooh you have nice taste!” “Well um...Maki-chan helped me pick them out.” Honoka said hesitantly. “So it’s kind of her taste, not mine.” “Well you had good enough taste to say yes to them.” Hibiki dropped the ring and took a step back. “I figure you got it in Shibuya, right? I got my charm there too.” She held up the charm hanging from her necklace for Honoka to see. “Um...Biki-chan?” Honoka felt a bit guilty as bright eyes turned to her. “Didn’t you like Umi-chan?” “Oh yeah, but she rejected me so that’s over now. I had my hunches that I would, you know?” Hibiki shrugged her shoulders. “Besides, I think being her friend would be better. Especially if I can seduce the hot Kaichou or Treasury-san.” “Okay, I’ve had enough of your flirting.” Umi took Honoka’s hand and pulled her close to her side. “Honoka’s not available. Not at all.” “Relax, I won’t go after Hocchi.” Hibiki said with a reassuring smile. “She’s off limits. I get it already.” “Oooh.” Honoka pulled away from Umi and crossed the room to the easel Hibiki had been sitting in front of. There was a half finished painting sitting there. “This is awesome!” “Oh, you like it?” Hibiki walked up behind Honoka, to look at her painting. “It’s an unfinished painting of a traditional japanese landscape.  With a brighter flare. I’ve been trying pointillism but damn is it hard…” Umi leaned back against the door behind her, watching with a small smile as Honoka leaned forward to get a better look. She was glad the two of them were getting along so well. ----

 Eli was beyond nervous. She was standing outside of the hotel the charity fundraiser was to take place in and she was sure it was the grandest hotel she’d ever seen. She felt truly out of place. She checked her watch. Maki wasn’t late but she still wasn’t there and it was making her even more nervous. “Ugh, why did I get here so early…?” “Are you lost?” Eli looked around at the sound of a male voice. “Huh?” “Over here, idiot.” “Who are you calling…?” Eli trailed off as she looked up and met the bright hazel eyes of a young man with slick back dark hair. He was tall, wearing a black suit. He looked to be at least 5’10. Maybe 5’11. “Uh…” “Charmed. Are you here for the fundraiser? I’ve never seen you around before. Are you friends with Nishikino?” “Uh…” “You’re not very ladylike.” The man said, seemingly amused. “Could it be that you’re just a foreigner?” “Hey, I’m half Japanese!” Eli exclaimed, affronted. “Oh so your hair is natural.” “And why would that be a problem?” Eli asked defensively, taking a step back. “It’s not, I just prefer pure Japanese girls. Not…” The young man looked Eli over in distaste. “Where are you from anyway?” “That’s not your business!” Eli’s cheeks flushed red with anger. “And I didn’t ask you for your opinion of me. Maybe you should keep them to yourself.” “Jun, back off!” Eli breathed a sigh of relief as Maki appeared at her side. She hadn’t even noticed her coming. She had been too wrapped up in her argument with the obtuse boy in front of her. “Wait…” “Ah, my dear Maki-san. Looks like we’re here together again.” The young man suddenly looked especially happy and Eli growled in annoyance. “Shut it, you were being a jerk to my girlfriend, weren’t you?” Maki scowled angrily and reached back for Eli’s hand. She didn’t look away from Jun but thankfully she felt Eli slip her hand into hers. “Girlfriend? This...halfling is your girlfriend?” “Yes, she is. And if you have a problem, I’ll step on your toes. Making it real hard for you to dance…” Maki warned angrily. “You were always a feisty one, Maki-san. But I’ll stop. Still, she isn’t my type at all. What are you, American?” “Russian.” Eli answered through gritted teeth. She turned toward Maki, lowering her voice. “If I don’t leave, I might hit him.” Maki bit her lip, not quite managing to bite back a smile. “Alright, let’s go inside.” She turned back to Jun, narrowing her eyes. “Jun we’re going inside. Don’t follow us.”

Jun scoffed. "You can't tell me what to do, Maki-san. Remember our fathers might arrange a marriage between us...despite your little phase.” Maki clenched her hand into a fist and would have stepped forward to punch Jun had Eli not dragged her away. “Fuck! He’s such an entitled bastard.” “Cool it with the cursing, Maki.” Eli said, soothingly rubbing the back of Maki’s hand. “Let’s just relax and try to have a good night together, okay? We’ll just stay away from him. Let me buy you a drink.” “Alcoholic?” Maki asked dryly. Eli laughed as she stepped into the hotel with Maki though it quickly died on her lips. “Holy shit, this place is huge.” She looked around, noticing the red decor with gold trims. There were more paintings on the wall than she could count. All traditional Japanese. “Language.” Maki let go of Eli’s hand and tangled her arm with Eli’s instead, pressing close to her side. “I really do want something alcoholic to drink though…” “You’re fifteen!” Eli pointed out incredulously. Maki shrugged her shoulders. “Papa lets me drink. I have a high tolerance…” Eli sighed and rolled her eyes as she led Maki further into the hotel. Noticing everyone entering a large room, she followed and immediately spotted a huge stage. “Rich girls…” “Isn’t your grandmother rich? I mean she was a famous dancer in Russia, wasn’t she?” Maki asked skeptically. Eli winced. “I mean...yeah. But can we not talk about obaa-san?” She reluctantly explained when Maki looked confused. “In Russia they’re more strict about...us than they are here. Surprisingly.” “Oh, yeah. I see that.” Maki bit her lip guiltily, noticing that Eli seemed a bit down now. “Um…” “Anyway!” Eli seemed to force herself to brighten up. “Shall we go, my dear?” “Eli!” Eli turned around as someone called her name and found Umi, Honoka and another girl standing behind her. Umi, who had been the one to call her name, was dressed in a traditional Kimono while Honoka was wearing a pale pink gown. The shorter girl whom she didn’t recognize was wearing a dark blue and black ruffle dress. “Oh hey Umi, you look...nice. You too, Honoka. You scrub up well.” Eli teased, flashing Honoka a grin. “I’m surprised you’re here though. I didn’t really think these fundraisers would be your thing.” “I could say the same thing to you.” Honoka countered, glancing back at Umi who was hovering a little behind her. “Umi-chan made me come because she hates these things.” “Same with Maki.” Eli gave Maki a gentle squeeze. “These things aren’t what I’d call fun at all. I’d rather be at home right now.” “Shit, I really wish I had my paint and canvas right now.” Hibiki said excitedly as she watched Honoka press herself closer to Umi in response to Eli’s gesture. She shrugged when they turned to look at her. “What? You’re all so gay, it’s beautiful! Oh, sorry. I’m Amagi Hibiki by the way. Umi-tan’s friend.” Maki didn’t have time to ask what the ‘Umi-tan’ was about when she was called over by her dad. She huffed out a sigh and pulled away from Eli. “Sorry. I’ll be right back.” She walked away, muttering to herself. “If he shoves me with another one of his colleague’s sons, I fucking swear…” Eli watched Maki go with a frown on her face. When she looked back to where Honoka was standing, the girl was gone and Umi was nowhere in sight either. Instead a tall, redheaded, freckled faced young man wearing a dark blue suit was standing in front of her. Eli took a wary step back, remembering her encounter with Jun outside. “Um…” “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” The young man said, holding up his hands. He smiled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders. “I just couldn’t help but notice that you’re a...well…” Eli huffed out a sigh. She’d had just about enough of this. “Foreigner. Yeah, yeah. I get it. I’m part Russian if that’s your next question.” “Oh, I wasn’t going to...I’m sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Dekomori Kenneth. I’m not from here either and people keep giving me odd looks so I was wondering if it would be okay for me to talk to you for a while.” Kenneth laughed and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess...that’s fine. I’m Ayase Eli. It’s nice to meet you.” Eli awkwardly held out her hand and Kenneth took it, giving it a light shake. “So where are you from? If you don’t mind me asking. You’re probably tired of people asking you that.” Across the room, Maki watched, half paying attention to her father as he introduced her to a boy she’d yet to bother making eye contact with. She gritted her teeth as she watched the redhead Eli was speaking to hold her hand a little too long for her liking. “Oh. Well I’m half Irish.” Kenneth answered as Eli let go of his hand. “To be honest, I was happy when I noticed you over here.” Eli wasn’t sure what to say to that so she settled for nodding. Kenneth cleared his throat. “Um...I noticed you were here with Nishikino-san. I can’t wait to hear her play later. She truly is a gifted musician.” “Yeah, she...wait, what?” Eli frowned in confusion. “Maki’s playing later? I...didn’t know that.” She looked around for Maki but she couldn’t see her. “I wonder why she didn’t tell me…” “Sorry, I have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth.” Kenneth seemed to blush as red as his hair. “You two seem close. Maybe she just wanted to surprise you or something like that.” “Maybe…” Eli mused, biting her lip. “I don’t know. It seems like something she would do. So who are you he-” She trailed off as Maki finally came into view. “Maki, you’re back.” “Yep.” Maki stepped over to Eli and leaned up, kissing her cheek, right next to her lips. She glanced at the redhead she’d been glaring at for the past five or so minutes. “Goodbye, Dekomori-san.” “Wha…?” Kenneth’s eyes widened in surprise. “I’m sorry, I seem to have done something wrong. My apologies. It was nice meeting you, Ayase-san.” He rushed off and Eli turned to Maki with a frown. “Maki! Why would you do that? He just wanted someone to spend time with, that’s all. He seemed nice.” “I’m not just going to let some guy flirt with my girlfriend!” Maki exclaimed indignantly. “You’re mine. And I’m yours and there’s nothing anyone can damn well do to get between us, especially some idiot boys we don’t know!” “I know that.” Eli soothingly placed her hands on Maki’s shoulders. “You really hate these things, don’t you?” “Of course I hate these things.” Maki said bitterly. “I feel like a puppet, having to entertain for these people. I know it’s about politics and it’s about the charity but...ugh. I hate it. I hate feeling like I’m being paraded around, forced to meet people I don’t want to meet. I really hate being rich sometimes, I wish I could be anywhere but here.” “We can. Let’s just go.” Eli grinned at the look of astonishment that appeared on Maki’s face in wake of her words. “Come on, nobody will notice. Just for a few minutes?” Maki was torn. She looked between her father and her mother before sighing. “You know I can’t…” Eli pursed her lips and looked around the room, trying to figure out an escape route. Noticing the buffet table, she grinned as an idea came to mind. She had seen this in a romance movie she’d watched with Arisa the previous week. “I have an idea, come on!” Before Maki could argue she was being tugged over to the buffet table. When Eli ducked under it, she had no choice but to follow suit. The tablecloth fell into place behind her. “What are we doing?” She hissed. “This is crazy!” “You wanted to get out, right?” Eli asked expectantly. “This way we’re not at the party but we’re still present. It’s just you and me right now though…” Maki felt tears prickle at her eyes. “You sure know how to make a girl cry…” Eli’s eyes widened as Maki threw her arms around her. She barely managed to keep her balance on her hands but she was quick to hug Maki back. Her eyes caught on something red and black on Maki’s shoulder. “I-Is that  your bra strap?” “Afterparty, remember?” Maki pulled back, chuckling. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Eli, feeling the familiar nerves that always came with kissing her in a public setting before she calmed down. She pulled back, lightly brushing Eli’s hair back from her face. “I love you.” “I love you too.” Eli smiled softly, turning to press a kiss to the hand that lingered on her cheek. “But...what brought this on? Not that I’m complaining but…” Maki shrugged. “I just want you to know. You make me so calm, just being here with you makes me calm.” Eli grinned at the praise. “I’m glad I can be of help.” The sound of music caught Maki’s attention. “Do you want to dance?” Eli looked sceptical. “In here?” Maki laughed at the question. “No, you idiot.” She kissed Eli again, chuckling gently against her lips. “Out there. I want to dance with you.” “Are you sure? I don’t want to piss your dad off or make things hard for you.” Eli said in concern. “Maybe we could find another room and…” “Eli!” Maki pouted and Eli had to bite back a smile. “Come on, please. I just want to dance with my girlfriend. Just once, I promise. Please?” “You’re so not playing fair.” Eli muttered as she got out from under the table, Maki emerging right behind her. Thankfully nobody noticed. Quickly they straightened out their dresses before Maki took charge and led Eli to the dancefloor. “You’ll lead?” Maki whispered, pointedly ignoring the looks they were receiving in favor of focusing on Eli’s eyes. “Of course.” Eli smiled back and placed her right hand on Maki’s back, just below her shoulder blades. She felt Maki’s right hand slip into her left and a hand come to rest on her shoulder. ---- Honoka smiled and rested her chin on her open palm as she watched Eli begin to lead Maki in their dance. It was beyond romantic, she thought with a sigh. “So she’s really gonna come out of the closet.” Hibiki remarked, leaning back in her seat. “She’s braver than me and Umi-tan…” Honoka turned to her with a frown. “Umi-chan and I are going to get married.” “Whoa, what?!” Hibiki had been tipping back on her seat and almost fell back. She would have had she not grasped the table in time. “Seriously…?” “Honoka…” Umi sighed though she looked happy with the comment rather than upset. “Can I be your maid of honor?” Hibiki grinned. “Kotori-chan is…” Honoka paused, her eyes widening slightly. She hadn’t even thought before she’d said that. It had just come out. She wasn’t even speaking to Kotori at the minute. She swallowed thickly against the lump in her throat. “You might have to fight Eli-senpai for it…” Umi reached over and took Honoka’s hand, giving it a supportive squeeze. “Okay then. Best girl?” Hibiki noticed the sudden serious turn and decided to lighten the mood. “Please? Please, please, please?” “Fine!” Umi groaned and rolled her eyes. “You’ll have to do something deserving of the title though.” Hibiki was just thinking about what she could do and Umi was about to ask Honoka if she was alright when a male voice caught her attention. “So Nishikino really is a dyke. Figures. She always did seem weird as a kid.” Umi looked up to see Suzuharu Jun standing near their table, staring at Maki and Eli with disgust on his face. She was about to tell him to be quiet when Honoka shot to her feet. Icy dread washed over her but she didn’t have time to move. Honoka was already rushing toward him and before Umi could do anything, she had punched him square in the jaw, sending him stumbling onto a nearby table. “Oh shit.” Surprisingly, Hibiki jumped into the fray, grabbing Honoka by the back of her gown  and hauling her back. Unfortunately Honoka wasn’t going to be deterred and struggled, managing to elbow Hibiki in the chin. Hibiki cried out in pain and let go of Honoka, her eyes watering. “Shit…” Luckily, Umi managed to get up and grab Honoka before she could move. The music abruptly cut off as Jun finally managed to get off the table. “What the hell, bitch?!” “Shut up, you bastard!” Honoka was seething, her eyes alight with rage. “Umi, what on earth is going on?!” Umi looked up in time to see that her mother had rushed to the table in concern. “Um…” “Sonoda-san, what is your daughter’s guest doing?!” Umi wasn’t sure who said that but she didn’t care to check. “She hurt Amagi-san’s daughter!” “That’s not all she did.” Jun angrily pointed to his bleeding lip. “They really do just let any nobody in here, don’t they?!” “What an ill behaved girl…” Someone mused thoughtfully. “Don’t talk about her like that!” Umi snapped angrily though she didn’t notice who had said it. She heard someone come up behind her and looked over, ready to tell them to back off. It was only Maki and Eli though. The each took one of Honoka’s arms and pulled her away from Umi, quickly leading the way outside of the hotel. Hurriedly, Umi followed. The four of them stayed silent as Maki steered Honoka around the corner of the hotel. Maki pressed Honoka back against the wall so they could stay hidden. She opened her mouth to yell at her but paused, noticing she was in tears. “What the hell happened back there? Why did you do that?” Honoka silently shook her head as Umi appeared at her side. “Damn it, Honoka.” Umi muttered, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure nobody had followed. “Honoka, why did you do that?” Eli asked again, firmer than Maki had. “You need to tell us so we can understand!” “I did it for Maki-chan!” Honoka exclaimed loudly. She pressed her hand to her mouth, trying to choke back a sob. “He deserved it! He was saying really mean things about you and I didn’t want to hear it! He doesn’t know you, h-he had no right!” Maki softened at how upset Honoka seemed to be. And on her behalf at that. “Honoka…” She trailed off as she heard footsteps approaching. She looked up in time to see her father rounding the corner. “Papa…” “I think it’s best if you go home for the rest of the evening.” Jin said, pausing a few feet from the group of girls. “You’ve caused just about enough problems for the night.” “Are you…?” Maki trailed off, at a loss. “Is that all you care about? My grades and my status? Papa, I’m sick of being treated like this. You know I’m dating someone and it’s not a phase. I’m...in love. I’m in love with her.” She blindly grasped for Eli’s hand. “I’m gay. I’ve never been interested in boys and I’m certainly never going to marry one!” “You’re only acting like this because you’re in an all girl’s school.” Jin said with a weary shake of his head. “After all, it all started with an affair in school.” “No, I’m not! Even when I’m in college, I’ll prefer women!” Maki retorted in frustration. “Do you really think Eli is the only girl I’ve ever liked? She’s not! I even liked girls in junior high and it was a co-ed school. It’s NOT A PHASE!” Jin was silent for a moment, contemplating what to say. “Maki, please think about what you’re saying. We are not in North America or Europe.” “I know that!” Maki’s voice was choked with emotion but otherwise firm. “I’m sick of hiding who I am and letting people think this is nothing. It isn’t nothing to me!” Jin sighed. He could see that Maki was getting increasingly upset. He looked to Eli, causing her eyes to widen in alarm. It amused him slightly, that the girl seemed intimidated by him. He supposed he should feel like that. He would want anyone pursuing Maki to be intimidated by him. “Ayase.” “Y-Yes sir!” Eli squeaked, straightening up. “Take care of my daughter tonight. I’ll try to keep people from speaking about what happened this evening.” Jin’s gaze flicked to Maki who looked close to tears. He could tell that she would be much better off with her friends tonight. With her girlfriend. “Just please protect her.” He turned his attention to Umi next. “As for you, Sonoda-san, I’ll leave it to your parents to speak to you about your guest’s...misbehavior.” He turned to walk away but paused after a couple of steps. “Kousaka-san. I would never say that violence is right but I understand you were defending my daughter. I appreciate that.” “Uh…” Honoka stared after Jin as he disappeared around the corner. “I thought that would be a lot worse…” She wiped quickly at her tearstained cheeks. “Maki-chan, I-I’m sorry. I was just...after what happened at school two months ago, I-I never want to hear anyone bullying you again.” “You idiot.” Maki let go of Eli’s hand and stormed over to Honoka, hugging her fiercely. Every time she’d been targeted by someone, Honoka had jumped to her defence without a second thought. It was easy to see why Eli admired her so much. “You damn idiot.” She felt Umi and Eli join the hug, embracing them both tightly but she made no effort to pull away. She was too spent, both physically and emotionally. “Hey are you guys okay?” Eli, Umi and Maki stepped away and Honoka looked toward the corner, seeing Hibiki walking toward them. “Oh god, Biki-chan, I’m so…” “Eh, it’s nothing.” Hibiki briefly touched her jaw. “I got the asshole to tell me what he said after you left. Then I punched him again. Now he’s crying because I broke his nose or whatever but man is his face made out of metal or what?” She held up her right hand, showing her grazed and bleeding knuckles. --- Nico watched as Kotori picked at the food on her plate, her eyes downcast. She’d barely taken two bites. “Could you please stop moping and eat something? You’re going to make yourself sick.” “I can’t.” Kotori looked up at Nico. She felt like she couldn’t swallow past the lump in her throat. “Honoka-chan hasn’t spoken to me in two weeks. A-And Umi-chan keeps asking me if I’m alright and I just...” She trailed off, biting her lip as she looked down at her food. “I’m sorry, Nico-chan. Your cooking is lovely but I can’t.” Nozomi sighed and put down her chopsticks. “Where are they anyway?” Kotori shrugged her shoulders. “Umi-chan had to attend a fundraiser. I don’t know where Honoka-chan is.” “You’re going to have to apologize even if you don’t want to.” Nico pointed out. “You shouldn’t have confessed when…” “I know, I know!” Kotori exclaimed irritably. She’d heard it from Nico a hundred times already. “I know, okay? Shit, I haven’t even told Umi-chan about it. She’s probably going to ignore me after that. She should already be ignoring me...” “It’s good that you realize what you did to her was wrong.” Nozomi said with an approving nod of her head. “You just have to prove you really are sorry.” “Umi-chan is sorry too.” Kotori muttered, scuffing her foot against the floor. “She keeps saying that. She should be sorry.” “Look why don’t we just relax and watch a movie?” Nozomi suggested hopefully. “Kotori-chan, you need to stop thinking about this so much. If you obsess over it it’s going to drive you crazy.” “I guess…” Kotori mumbled though she couldn’t help but want to talk about it. “I’ll go and find a movie.” Nozomi stood up and squeezed Kotori’s shoulder before she walked out of the room, calling over her shoulder. “Nicocchi, don’t you dare touch those dishes!” Nico scoffed and shook her head, standing up and reaching for the dishes. “NICOCCHI!” “Ugh, how does she do that…?” Nico muttered, rolling her eyes. She set the dishes down and glanced over at Kotori. “Come on. I guess she’ll take care of the dishes later.” “R-Right!” Kotori stood up though she hesitated to move. “Um...why are you still being nice to me?” “I don’t know.” Nico sighed. “Just because you were being ignorant and selfish that doesn’t mean they weren’t. Still I’m not as mad at them as I was with Eli. They were wrong but it was inevitable.” Kotori nodded and finally followed Nico through into the other room. Nozomi was sitting in the middle of the couch, a movie just starting up on the TV screen. She patted the seats at each side of her, summoning them over. “Turn the lights off, Nicocchi. I found a horror movie.” “Great.” Nico groaned though she obediently turned the lights out before she moved to the couch. She sat at one side of Nozomi, leaning close to her while Kotori quietly took the other side. Kotori watched the two as the movie started, taking note of the way Nico shifted closer to Nozomi until she was practically pressed against her. In turn, Nozomi’s arm went around Nico’s shoulders though she didn’t say anything. She didn’t even tease her like Kotori had thought she would. Nico’s head came to rest on Nozomi’s shoulder and Kotori’s brow furrowed. She wanted to ask them if they were together but before she had a chance, a scream rang out from the tv. It didn’t especially startle her. What did startle her was the answering shriek from Nico. She looked to the screen, noticing the ghost emerging from a painting. She giggled as she looked back at Nico, finding she’d buried her face in Nozomi’s chest. “Nicocchi, are you okay?” Nozomi asked, struggling to hide her amusement. “Y-Yeah, it’s just...you know I hate this stuff.” Nico peeked at the screen only to let out another yelp and hide her face again. “Should I turn it off?” Nozomi gently rubbed Nico’s back to soothe her. “N-No, just keep doing that. I’ll be fine…” Nico let out a shuddering sigh and tried to turn back to the movie. “If I’d known you were this scared of horror movies I’d have offered to hold your hand, Nico-chan.” Kotori said, a slightly teasing tone to her voice. Nico was about to snap at her for teasing her but hesitated, realizing that Kotori was making an effort to cheer herself up. “I’m fine. Unless you’re scared?” “A little.” Kotori lied, averting her eyes briefly to the TV screen. “I mean I’ll be fine though…” “I guess it can’t be helped then…” Nico sighed and got up from the couch, switching spaces with Nozomi. She pressed herself close to Nozomi again but held out her hand to Kotori who took it and held it carefully. “I’m not gonna break you know.” Nico said with a roll of her eyes, tightening her grip on Kotori’s hand. Kotori tightened hers in response. “Nicocchi is so sweet.” Nozomi whispered in Nico’s ear, causing her to blush brightly in response. “Yeah, whatever. Just shut up…” “Both of you are cute.” Kotori observed with a soft smile. They would make a good couple, she thought. If they weren’t already. “Ugh, both of you shut up!” Nico exclaimed. “Fine. Sorry, Nicocchi.” Nozomi pressed her lips just behind Nico’s ear, causing her to shudder slightly. Kotori had been watching them and had noticed Nozomi’s gesture. Her eyes widened in realization and she quickly turned back to the movie. So they were together. That certainly explained a lot. “Um, I was thinking maybe I should go home tonight. I know you said I should stay over but maybe I should…” “Stay over? Sure.” Nozomi looked past Nico at Kotori. “It’s Friday and you told your mom so it’s no big deal, right? Besides, if you leave me along with Nicocchi she might take advantage.” Nico scoffed. “Screw you.” She said, her tone light. “See?” Nozomi smirked. “Come on, just stay. We want you to stay, right Nicocchi? We can stay up watching movies until we fall asleep.” “Of course we do. We offered, didn’t we?” Nico agreed, glancing at Kotori. “You’re staying.” “O-Okay…” Kotori leaned back against the couch with a small smile. At least she still had Nico and Nozomi. --- “Arisa is sleeping over at Honoka’s so we shouldn’t be interrupted tonight.” Eli said as she stepped into her apartment, Maki’s hand in her own. She glanced back as Maki paused to close the door behind them. She couldn’t help but notice how drained Maki still looked. “Do you want something to drink? I could make coffee.” Maki shook her head and looked up at Eli. “Shut up.” “Ehh? What did I…?” Eli promptly fell silent as Maki pushed her against the nearby wall. The question on her lips was answered when Maki leaned in and kissed her deeply, pressing their bodies flush together. Eli kissed Maki back without hesitation, her arms going around her girlfriend’s waist to pull her close. It wasn’t more than a few seconds before she felt Maki’s hands go to her gown, bunching up the fabric so that she could touch bare skin. She gasped softly as Maki’s thigh slipped between hers, pressing firmly against her centre. She turned her head, even as Maki’s teeth tugged at her lower lip. “W-Wait, aren’t we going too fast…?” “I would say we’re not going fast enough.” Maki pressed her knee up further, causing Eli to whimper. “I’ve been thinking about doing this all night. And I think you have too. You feel ready…” “Ahh, Maki…” Eli tilted her head back, her eyes closing as Maki’s lips danced over the skin of her collarbones and down her chest. She did want to take it slowly but she wanted Maki to touch her even more. “Do whatever you want to me.” She hooked her leg around Maki’s waist and tried to grind closer to her. “Now who’s trying to make this go faster?” Maki mumbled against Eli’s heated skin. “Maybe I should draw it out. I do want to take my time with you at some point tonight. Really take my time and touch and kiss you everywhere, listen to you whimper and moan my name…” “Maki, you’re killing me…” Eli whimpered as Maki lowered her foot back to the ground. “Hey…” “Shhh.” Maki kissed Eli again, humming in satisfaction at the taste of the blonde’s lips. She reached around for the zipper of Eli’s dress and slowly unzipped it. With a couple of well placed tugs it pooled at Eli’s feet. She looked her over, biting her lip. “I’ve seen these but I’ve seen you wearing them for me. I got a new set I want you to see really badly, Eli…” Eli’s mind raced to her brief glimpse of Maki’s bra strap back at the hotel. “Show me.” Maki chuckled low in her throat. “I don’t know. Maybe I should make you wait until after I’ve had my way with you.” She slid her fingers down Eli’s stomach, into her panties. “W-We’re not even in the bedroom yet…” Eli protested meekly. “I want to do you against the wall.” Maki slid her fingers through slick, heated folds and Eli moaned and threw her head back, hitting the wall with a thump. “You’re wet. How much were you trying to keep yourself from misbehaving at that stupid party anyway?” “You looked really hot. In your dress.” Eli moaned and grasped at Maki’s shoulder in case her knees buckled. “And seeing your bra strap kind of...turned me on. Just what are you wearing anyway?” “You’ll have to see when I get you upstairs. I think you’ll like it. Just sit back and let me make you feel good for now though.” Maki drew back her hand, sinking down and tugging Eli’s panties down her legs. “Take off your bra.” “W-Why don’t you do it yourself?” Eli stuttered, trying to gain some kind of control over the situation. She was answered with a dark laugh followed by a slightly stinging bite to her thigh. “Ahh, okay okay…” She leaned slightly away from the wall and reached behind her, unclasping her bra. She tugged it down her arms and tossed it somewhere to the side. “Maki, I want to touch you…” “Later, I promise. I’m-” “Not later. To my room, now.” Eli said firmly, finally running out of patience. “Alright, alright.” Maki straightened up and kissed Eli briefly. “Just let me pick your clothes up in case your parents come home. I’ll meet you in your bedroom.” Eli felt a surge of excitement. “O-Okay.” She kissed Maki once more before she turned and headed toward the bedroom, adding an exaggerated sway to her hips. Maki stared at Eli’s ass as she walked away, only looking away when Eli was out of view. “Okay, Nishikino. You can do this. Just like in those American TV shows and movies. You’ve got this.” She took a deep breath before she scooped up Eli’s clothes and made her way to the bedroom. She found Eli lying on her bed, propped up by her elbows. “God…” She muttered to herself, her eyes raking over the blonde. She closed the door behind her and dumped Eli’s clothes on the floor. She made sure the door was locked before she stepped closer to the bed, unzipping the dress herself. Her stomach fluttered with nerves but she pushed at it, letting it pool at her feet in much the same way as Eli’s had earlier. Eli felt her jaw drop as she looked at the garter belts, black stockings and the practically see through lacy red and black panties and bra. “Th-This is what you bought?” She asked, licking her lips as she looked Maki over. The bra pushed her breasts up and somehow made them look bigger while the panties hugged her hips perfectly. “Uuuhh…” Maki planted a hand on her hips, letting Eli’s gaze rake over her. “You’re staring too much.” “I-I can’t help it.” Eli looked up at Maki, noticing that her ears to her neck  were red with embarrassment. It was obvious she was trying to look sexy but she was nervous about it at the same time. “Come here.” She reached out for Maki who took her hand. With a quick yank, she pulled Maki on top of her and kissed her deeply. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Maki. If you think I’m going to let you sleep tonight, you’re wrong…” “Wha…?” Maki yelped as Eli flipped them over and kissed her again. She didn’t argue though. She settled for wrapping her arms around Eli’s neck, drawing her closer as she needily kissed the blonde back. TBC

[dyemelikeasunset]

more manga/anime recs that I forgot to mention before

Anime:

Love Lab: this series is so. absolutely. funny. It’s about a prestigious all-girls middle school, where the showy main character, Riko, gets roped into helping the student council president, Maki, simulate fake dating scenes. Maki, who gives off a very proper, lady-like vibe, is secretly obsessive, boy-crazy, and WEIRD; meanwhile Riko, who gives off a “cool girl” vibe and likes to boast to keep up that image, is actually incredibly naive. While this series does make fun of a lot of tropes in the yuri genre, it doesn’t mock them either. I’d say it’s actually more genre-savvy than anything else. And mild spoilers, but the ending of the anime culminates in the two main characters confessing feelings for each other after mild jealousy and awkwardness over boys. Whether or not it’s romantic or platonic, their relationship and honest feelings for each other are very genuine and has good development despite being a comedy series up until the ending. I’ve never read the manga so I don’t know if it’s as good, but I will say the cartoon animates the skits and gags really well and had me rolling on the floor from laughter. (I’M ADDING AN EDIT: There is a very racist joke in one of the episodes where the characters essentially do blackface. When I wrote this, I wasn’t as aware of the harm this did and I apologize for anyone who stumbled on this list and watched this series)

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (Eng: Monthly GIrls’ Nozaki-kun): I know this is already really popular, but here’s another amazingly hilarious series. Despite it being a comedy anime, this series might have my favorite straight ships. It’s about a high school girl who falls in love with a handsome but really weird manga artist, learning about his job, and all the odd people who are involved with helping him produce manga. The dynamics between all the characters are so hilarious, and the gags in this are also very relatable to artists. They have a character named Kashima, who’s this thick-headed prince-type girl (potentially non-binary/demigirl?) who doesn’t fall into the shitty typical “I want to be treated as my REAL gender~” trope used in so many anime that invalidates androgynous and gender non-conforming people. Again, there’s a comic too, but I’ve never read it. I hear the anime is a very accurate adaptation though!

Manga:

Paradise Kiss: high fashion and high drama! This is an older series by Ai Yazawa that I’ve always loved, about a girl who gets pulled into the world of fashion modeling and starts a passionate affair with the mysterious designer, George. The main girl, Yukari, is actually my favorite character, as she has some incredible character growth that takes her through inspiration and excitement and also ugly parts of her own personality. The ending is very bittersweet but realistic, and I personally came out of it really enjoying Yukari’s self awareness. I really love the relationships Yukari develops with the other female characters too. While yes, there are jealous feelings typical of romance stories, she has a very close and healthy friendship with one of the other main girls. There is a trans girl in this story too, who is wonderful but sadly only gets a chapter (at most) dedicated to her. Warnings for one of the side stories, which has very abusive and manipulative undertones. Even though it has a resolution, it always made me uncomfortable. Some of the issues in this series can be chalked up to being a product of its time, but please tread with caution!

Collectors: by Nishi Uko, is about two women in a relationship, but unfortunately have clashing interests. Shinobu, a teacher, is an avid reader with an apartment overflowing with classic and contemporary literature. Takako, a businesswoman, is a stylish fashionista who always has to buy the latest trends. Needless to say, their lifestyles don’t always mix well, and they bicker like an old married couple. The framework of the series is short 4-panel comics with very subtle humor, but despite the bickering, they have a good relationship. I really like this series for the humor, sense of realism in their mundane lives, and also the occasional touching moments between the two of them. There are also a pair of fun side characters that add some good diversity to the humor!

I’ll Send Her Home On the Last Train: a collection of short wlw stories by Amagakure Gido. Super cute and a little bittersweet, with very memorable characters. It leads with a two-chapter story that doesn’t chalk up the characters’ romance to “platonic feelings,” they legit have a kiss and confess to each other and just overall have a really cute relationship. There’s another story that is kind of vague, but ends with a general polyamorous vibe that I really loved. This author tends to pack a lot of subtle but layered emotion into her stories, so you might have to read through it multiple times to get everything. but the stories all have a really great feeling around them. A lot of these stories revolve around high school girls and their experiences, but the author has done another one-shot yuri story (not found in this collection) called “I’m a Fool” that’s about adults, if that’s more your cup of tea!

Clover: another collection of short stories, this time by Otsu Hiyori. This collection revolves around four sisters and their different relationships with other girls. The relationships range from platonic to romantic, one of them even lasting beyond high school and into college/adult life with talks of marriage. In general, Otsu Hiyori’s work has a light and carefree feeling to it, but somehow subdued in delivery. They have a mature air about them despite sometimes the characters being very immature, and always have interesting relationships. Clover is my favorite work from her, but I suggest peeking at her other work too!

[mediocreauthor]

so, i have a issue reading Takumi, and i want your opinion; So, takumi is abusive, but i don't think that was Ai Yazawa intention. for instance, takumi rapes hachi, whitch is something unforgivable but there's a similiar storyline in Paradise Kiss and like, i don't think Ai sees as something as bad as it is, because the raper and the victim actually have a happy ending together. i think her intention for hachi and takumi was to be a toxic relationship,but something they would growp out of

tw: rape, sa

i think you're right! ai yazawa handled both of hachi's rapes so lightly that when i first read it at 15, i couldn't fully grasp the weight of it, thinking Takumi was just 'aggressive and possessive'. i didn't read parakiss so i can't comment on that.

but after countless rereads, I have made my peace with Hachi's story because it was realistic in a way that wasn't often represented in the media. though I don't think that was Yazawa's intention at all. I've explained it more in detail here, still my favourite piece I've ever wrote.

even though we assume Takumi is a better man on the future chapters (i dont even believe that tbh), Hachi is still considering a divorce. Junko who has been a huge advocate of Hachi working harder for her relationships is pushing it. I see this as an interesting detail and an indication that some hard shit went down.

I honestly don't see a way Hachi and Takumi can be together if Nana is found and they were heading towards that. Because Reira can't come back to Japan, Takumi can't leave Reira. And maybe 6-7 years ago Hachi could've left Nana but i don't think she would even consider it at this point.

They can get back together for the kids (and i think Nana would second that) but still... I don't see any point in building an entire story on the possible reunion of these women and just it being like: anyway so they hugged and Hachi went back to Takumi and they saw each other in every 5 months. FIN.

Nana and Hachi are calling, yearning for each other since chapter 1. you can't just write sentences like 'The ending I want is in your hands' or 'I couldn't throw away this life that you saved' and not make their reunion pivotal, monumental.

Another point I want to highlight is Yazawa relied a lot on Hachi's 'well I know Takumi is a bad man who raped me and entrapped me into this relationship but I love him despite that so I won't regret my choice. GROWTH, bitches.' to downplay Takumi's actions. So Hachi weighed Takumi's pros and cons and decided cons are heavier (hachi is bad at math).

But.... the weight of those things can change as you grow older. It can quickly become 'even if Takumi is father of my children -a good one at that and I love him, I don't want to live with someone who treated me this way.' And that's the kind of growth I'd like to see.

Even if Takumi grew out of his toxic behaviours and is a real fucking sack of rainbows right now, I think he lost his Hachi's faith enough to no longer being a priority. also let's not forget Nobu and Hachi tiptoeing around each other, Nobu grabbing Hachi's hand, her resting on his shoulder etc.

Hachi looks quite serene here and maybe it means that she no longer feels an obligation of faith towards her husband. I don't think they are having an affair but the reason would be Hachi's respect for the institution of marriage and kids. Not Takumi. So she doesn't feel guilty while having these heartfelt moments with Nobu anymore.

when I love a work as much as Nana (which is rare), I like to have some faith in the creator's craft, ability and heart. Ofc Yazawa has many things to criticize but she is an excellent story teller. From a narrative perspective, I don't see any point of Takumi and Hachi ending up together. It just weakens every bond she has carefully built over the years. I want to believe she also sees that even if she has a bias towards Takumi (he is her favourite character lol).

this can be wishful thinking on my end but hey, she didn't continue so i'm allowed to have my scenarios run wild.

overall, I still enjoy Takumi's character much to my chagrin and I don't think they were going to and up together and Yazawa isn't doing anything to prove me wrong so far.

thanks for the ask 💖

bonus: Ren'd totally rock this shirt.