#but fake gay people loosely based on real gay people who were awful. but these gay people read venus in furs in the park

[fagrackham]

the simple intimacy of swoon 1992 is driving me crazy

[luninosity]

For @thebestpersonherelovesbucky: here’s the full text of the fake film review I wrote yesterday, for Steadfast...

#

Steadfast Combines History and Heart Into Triumph

 Jillian Poe’s latest directorial effort, Steadfast is at once familiar and unfamiliar: a Regency romance set against the Napoleonic War, full of ballroom scenes and lavish costumes, crackling with politics and passion. It’s (extremely) loosely based on the 1940s novel of the same name, which in turn was based on the historical Will Crawford’s surviving letters and notes, and the romance is real in more than one way—assuming you haven’t been living under a rock, you’ve seen the stories about on-set melodrama: Colby Kent and Jason Mirelli hooking up, being injured, falling in love, and from all reports being blissfully happy.

 Leaving the behind-the-scenes drama aside, the question is: is it a good film?

 The answer is unequivocally yes.

 It’s more than good. It’s a brave film, in the best ways: not only in telling a historical gay love story—and it is very, very gay; Jillian Poe and her cast don’t shy away from sex scenes—but in the raw emotion and power of the storytelling and the relationship. It’s the kind of film that gets remembered as a landmark: what good filmmaking can do. And it’s worth seeing, not only for the attention to period detail or the reminder that gay people (and black people, Indian people, and others; we see an impressively diverse London, especially among Will’s Home Office fellow recruits) have always existed in history, but for the sheer emotional experience. Steadfast is a romance, unashamedly so, and it wants you to fall in love, and you will.

 The casting and the script are spot-on, to start.

 Jillian Poe has her favorite stable of actors, so some familiar faces won’t be a surprise. Colby Kent, also a producer, and given co-writing credit with Ben Rogers, stars as Will Crawford—Rogers and Jillian Poe have independently confirmed that Colby did on-set rewrites, which means most of what we see is likely his. We’ve discussed Colby and the industry and uncredited script work at length back when that news broke, so here I’ll just say that Colby is a better writer than any of us realized—good at knowing and utilizing the source material, but also paring down, choosing the exact right word for each moment, giving his fellow actors dialogue that sounds effortlessly natural. Odds on a Best Adapted Screenplay award or two? Pretty high, I’d say.

 Speaking of Colby Kent, he’s always been quietly excellent on screen, often underrated (that Academy Award loss to Owen Heath should’ve gone the other way, no offense to Owen, who is also generally excellent), and equally capable of adorable clumsiness or aristocratic decadence. You could argue that playing young and wealthy and vulnerable and gay is exactly in his wheelhouse and hardly a stretch, and you might be right—but you would also be wrong.

 It’s an award-winning performance. It’s a master class in complex character acting. It’s compelling and dramatic and the core of the film, at least half of it, more on which later.

 Will Crawford—in ill health, a natural scientist, the Regency equivalent of a rich kid and only heir to a vast estate—might have come across as weak, or naïve and fragile, or in need of rescue. And Colby Kent’s good at fragile and lovely and desperate. But Will’s also a literal genius, determined to be useful, and willing to do anything—including spycraft and affecting the tide of battle and the fate of nations—to protect the man he loves. Colby Kent never lets us forget that, and the character and the story become richer for it. He’s almost at his best in moments without dialogue—I say almost because Colby, as ever, has flawless timing when delivering lines, both the heartbreaking and the wryly sarcastic. But his eyes and expressions say so much that every close-up could be a page’s worth of emotion-filled speeches, except not, because they’re not necessary. He’ll definitely get the Academy Award nomination; if there’s any justice, he’ll also win. Though, having said that, my personal vote might go to the biggest surprise of the film, just because I was so impressed and delighted. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

 The supporting cast is also superb—Leo Whyte, as Jason’s second-in-command, embodies complicated and compassionate loyalty, someone who’d follow his captain into battle and also sympathize with his captain’s difficult love, given his own socially fraught marriage to a poor Irish girl (Kate Fisher, having a marvelous time and some of the funniest lines). John Leigh gives his performance as a conflicted would-be mutineer some delicate nuance—he still admires his captain and ultimately makes a painful personal choice. Jim Whitwell epitomizes workmanlike British gentlemanly acting—though we get a hint of the dirtiness of his profession, and of his sympathy for Stephen and Will, which adds layers to his performance. And young Timothy Hayes is worth watching as Stephen’s favorite optimistic midshipman, with deft comedic timing in the midst of storms and the stalking of a French ship.

 The crown jewel of the supporting cast, of course—and the shoo-in for Best Supporting Actor—is Sir Laurence Taylor, notoriously picky about taking on new projects at this point, but here fully committed to his role as Will’s father, the aging Earl of Stonebrook.

 It’s easy to say that Sir Laurence is a legend, but sometimes we forget what that means. In this role, we remember. He delivers words that cut right through his on-screen son, and by extension the audience; but his anguish and grief are equally genuine: he’s a man who loved and lost his wife, who doesn’t understand his only son and heir, who clings to the need to protect the family name and estate and future, while faced with the dual truths that his son prefers men to women and in any case might die young—of illness, if not from daring the world in Regency spycraft. The Earl is awful and vicious and cruel to Will—but watching Sir Laurence stand at his son’s bedside, or come to the window and silently watch his son depart for London…those moments will make you hurt for him despite yourself, and it’s a virtuoso piece of acting.

 Speaking of brilliant pieces of acting, let’s talk about that biggest (and I don’t mean just the physique, though that can’t be missed) surprise of the film: Jason Mirelli.

 First, a confession: I, like quite a few people, felt some skepticism about this casting choice. That’s not to insult action films as such, and Jason Mirelli’s been a consistently reliable action-hero lead. But it’s a very different genre, and Jason’s previous filmography hasn’t, let’s say, exactly indicated much dramatic range. (Having said that, I’ll admit to unironically loving Saint Nick Steel. Is it ridiculous? Yes. Is it hilarious absurd so-bad-it’s-amazing fun? Also yes. Does it have Jason Mirelli in an artistically torn shirt chasing terrorists through a shopping mall while protecting small children and wearing a hat that makes him the reincarnated spirit of Christmas? Hell yes it does. We watch it every year.)

 If you, like me, were on the fence but willing to be convinced…

 I’ll say it right now: Jason Mirelli should be on that Academy Award ballot alongside Colby Kent.

 He’s the other half of the heart of this film, and the second he steps down from that carriage in the opening shot, he’s commanding the narrative. He’s captured the physicality of a wartime ship’s captain, but more than that, he’s captured the layers of character. Every motion of those shoulders, those eyes, that jawline, all means something—as do the moments when he chooses not to move and be still. Take the moment when he looks at Will in the morning-after scene, which is just a look and a few beats on camera, but Jason’s able to convey Stephen’s love, and wistful frustration over their different social classes, and genuine affection, and fear about Will’s illness, and surprised joy at having someone to wake up next to. It’s a hell of a role—romance, war, leadership on a ship’s deck, the shock when Will falls gravely ill, the emotion of the ending, which I won’t spoil here—and Jason’s a revelation. He’ll have his pick of roles after this, and he’ll deserve the Oscar nod, though it’s unlikely he’ll win—the Academy likes to reward previous nominees and is notoriously skeptical of popcorn-flick pedigrees, and Jason might need to prove himself once or twice more. But he shouldn’t have to. This is enough, and it’s fantastic to watch.

 Part of that epic transformation should be credited to Jillian Poe’s direction. With Steadfast, Poe demonstrates her skill as a director and her ability to handle multiple genres—she started out, you might remember, with lighter romantic-comedy fare, often also with Colby Kent—and her ability to get quality performances from her actors, every single one, every single time. I also wouldn’t be surprised at her picking up a directorial award or two; it’s an ambitious project, and also a labor of love, which shines through in each frame.

 The costuming and sets are as plush and attentive to detail as you would expect from an Oscar-bait period piece that’s a Jillian Poe production—that reputation for perfection’s deserved. The score is, if not anything out of the ordinary for a Regency setting, handled with delicacy and love—the music plays into the mood of each scene unobtrusively and expertly.

 Fans of the novel might have some minor critiques involving the looseness of the adaptation, in particular the ending, which—let me offer a minor spoiler warning, no detail, but stop reading if you want to know nothing at all—adds a final sequence that provides a happy ending for Stephen and Will. Is it book-accurate? No. But I called Steadfast a brave film earlier in this review, and this ending is an act of courage: imagining a happy ending for gay men in history, demanding that their love story end well and with joy. (And Colby Kent personally met with the novel’s famously reclusive author, so for all you purists, this change was made with permission.)

 Those stories matter. Steadfast as a film matters. Go see it. Fall in love.

[lamptracker]

FIC: Win-Win (part 3/?)

So since Tumblr is being, just, an ass lately: I hope this works.

Anyway.

FIC: Win-Win (Part 2/?)

Overall Summary: Temporarily homeless, the reader needs a place to stay. Her friend Tom, who has a reputation for being a womanizer, has an extra room… and an idea.

Very loosely based on the How I Met Your Mother episode “World’s Greatest Couple,” where Lily posed as Barney’s wife to help him get rid of his one-night stands.

Part summary: If plot summaries were Friends episodes, this would be The One Where the Reader Brings Home a Date.

Also, if plot summaries were quotes from Friends: “I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some sort of misunderstanding.”

But: Reader brings home a date, wackiness and a new feeling ensue.

Warnings: Some cursing and some conspiracy theories (it’s important)

Tagged: @stephie-senpai​   @lemirabitur​   @gravity-jade21​   @ocaptainmycaptainrogers​   @hollandfieldblurbs​   @unicorn-princess-1999​   @peter-holland-parker1996​   @writings-and-stuff​   @almostrosadiazz​   @vendylewin​

Part 1

Part 2

“So what do you do?”

(y/n) was at a moderately-priced restaurant, seated across from a guy she’d met on Tinder. She and Tony had been broken up for a few months, so she figured it was time to get back into the game.

She matched with Eric and decided to give it a shot. Unfortunately, four minutes into the date she’d decided a shot in the face would have better. He was cute, but that was just about where his good qualities began and ended.

“I’m a teacher,” she replied. “I teach English at Provost High.”

Eric nodded. “You know, a lot of people say teachers are underpaid.”

(y/n) smiled, and was about to agree with him. But, unfortunately, he opened his mouth and words continued to come out of it.

“I don’t buy it, though. I mean, they only work till 3 every day, they get summers off. I’d kill for those cushy hours.”

(y/n) rolled her eyes. “Well, I mean, there’s the before and after school stuff, and if you run an extracurricular you’re not exactly getting paid for that. And we have to buy our own supplies. I barely make enough for all that and rent, I mean-”

“Well, I’m an investment banker,” Eric said, cutting her off. “My dad got me the job. I barely have to do anything and I still get paid.”

“Huh.”

(Y/n) didn’t really care to relive their dinner conversation, but when Zendaya asked her about it later she did share some “highlights”:

“I don’t believe in vaccinating,” Eric said as he pulled the onions off of his hamburger and deposited them onto the table.

“You… okay, I am genuinely curious.”

Eric shrugged. “There are just so many nasty side effects, like autism and all that. Plus all the things we’re vaccinating against have pretty much been eliminated, right?”

“First of all,” (y/n) said indignantly, “they debunked that study, vaccines don’t cause autism. Second of all, you’re saying you’d rather your kid have a terrible, potentially fatal disease? And then, do you know why those diseases have been eradicated? Because of vaccines! Next you’ll be telling me the Earth is flat.”

“So you know about the ice wall that prevents us from falling off the edge!” Eric exclaimed; (y/n) rolled her eyes so hard that this time she was sure it was audible.

(some time later)

“Uh…” (y/n) said. “Do you, you know, want a plate for those onions? Or maybe you could ask them to bring you a burger without them?”

“Nah.” Eric pulled off another onion and added it to his pile. “That’s why there are waiters and busboys. They get paid to clean this up, they love it.”

(y/n) did not even attempt to hide her disdain. “Uh, yeah. I waited tables in college and I can assure you… we did not love it.”

“Well, then, your manager didn’t train you right.”

(This set off a ten-minute tirade about how “tipping culture is a myth” and “I just know they get paid more than people say they do, they’re just trying to bilk us out of more money” and some things that she honestly stopped listening to after awhile. She did slide their poor waiter a generous tip at the end of the night, though.)

Their dinner concluded with Eric saying something so romantic, (y/n) was sure he had a latent career as a poet:

“So are we gonna fuck or what?”

(Y/n) shrugged. “Who knows when I’m getting laid again. So… sure, why not?”

“We have to go to your place though, my roommate has...”

(To this day she cannot remember what his roommate had because at that point, she’d started reciting the opening to Burn Notice in her head.)

“Uh… yeah, okay. My roommate won’t be home for a few hours, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Oh, he? What is he, gay or something? I have a gay cousin, he...”

(My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy, until…)

“No, he’s a friend. And it’s temporary until my apartment is ready for me to move back into, there’s-”

“Whatever, let’s just go.”

(y/n) woke up the next morning feeling particularly awful about herself. She’d just had mediocre sex with a person she barely tolerated. She also, for no good reason, had a headache.

Now I know how Tom feels, she thought to herself. I gotta get this guy out of here before he destroys what’s left of my dignity.

“Eric?” she asked quietly. But he didn’t move, and was still snoring.

“Eric.” She shoved his shoulder; he awoke with a snort.

“What?”

“I have to go to work soon.”

Eric waved a hand dismissively at her, settling back into the pillows (she made a mental note to burn the pillows later). “Well, have a good day, I’ll lock up when I leave.”

(y/n) threw her head back in defeat. “I’m going to make some coffee. Feel free to leave before you get any.”

Eric just waved at her again as she rolled her eyes and stumbled into the kitchen. She measured out the grounds, put them into the coffee filter, and was just starting to fill the carafe with water when she heard the all-too-familiar screech.

“Oh, my God! Tom! Is this your wife?!”

“Y-yeah,” Tom replied, fake-sheepishly.

“I cannot believe this, you’re married?!”

“Whoa, wait, (y/n). You’re married?”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened.

She had nearly forgotten Eric was still here. And that she hadn’t told him about this “arrangement.” (Well, she started to, but Eric seemed to have an issue with people finishing their sentences.)

“I...well… yes? But no. But yes. Well, actually, it’s sort of a funny story. You see, Tom here needed…”

Eric raised a hand, interrupting (y/n)’s stammering. “Save it. I don’t want to know. I had a nice time, up until right now. I’ll go get my stuff, don’t bother calling.” He raised an eyebrow at Tom’s date. “So… wanna go get some breakfast?”

“Sure,” the girl giggled as she too went to gather up her things; they left soon after.

“Make sure his breakfast doesn’t have onions!” (y/n) called as the door closed; she and Tom stared at each other in semi-awkward silence for a few moments.

“That,” (y/n) said as she pointed at the door, “was my first date since Tony and I broke up.”

Tom suddenly looked embarrassed. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it, I…”

(y/n) shook her head. “Nah. It’s all good, I was trying to find a way to drive him out anyway. He was cute and all but he’s an anti-vaxxer and a Flat Earther who thinks teachers get paid too much.”

“Wow, he sounds like a real peach,” Tom said dryly.

“Remind me to tell you about his 9/11 conspiracy theory someday, but we have to save it for when you really need a good laugh.” (y/n) chuckled. “Oh, and the sex was just terrible. He came in, like, two minutes. And do you know what he said to me, Tom? Do you know what he said to me?”

“If it wasn’t ‘let me help you get off,’ I’m tracking him down and running him over with a steamroller.”

“I hope you have a steamroller available, then.” (y/n) sighed. “He said, ‘Oh, uhh, maybe next time.’ Maybe next time, Tom. Then he rolled over and went to sleep.”

Tom snorted. “Pretty bold of him to assume there’d be a next time after that.”

“Well, there won’t be now. But… you know what? It’s okay. Maybe… nah.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Tom smiled. “C’mon, you’re my wife, you can tell me anything.”

(y/n) chortled. “Maybe I jumped back into the pool too soon, you know? Maybe I just… maybe I need to focus on myself right now. Forget about dating for awhile. There’s a student at school that wants to start a club that focuses on women’s issues - you know, bringing awareness, fundraising, all that? They’re looking for an advisor, I could do that.”

“I think,” Tom said, “that focusing on yourself is a wonderful idea. I also think that you need a hug.”

“I don’t know if we’re at that stage in our relationship yet.”

Tom snorted again. “Would you just come here?”

(y/n) laughed as Tom folded her into his arms. She sighed deeply as she rested her head on Tom’s bare chest.

This feels… nice, she thought to herself. His arms were warm and strong, she felt safe and cared for in them.

She’d felt that way once before, with Tony. At least, at first.

(y/n) shook her head slightly.

What are you doing? She thought. You cannot. This is not happening. You’re just vulnerable right now.

You are not falling in love with Tom Holland.

You CANNOT fall in love with Tom Holland.

You WILL NOT fall in love with Tom Holland.

But what she didn’t know was, Tom was having a similar internal conflict.

[newagesispage]

                                                                        OCTOBER 2017

 *****The beautiful dino, Sue will be moved to her own gallery in Chicago’s field museum. New to her long fixed spot will be a cast of patagotitan mayorum, the biggest dinosaur ever found.

*****Richard Thomas is selling his NY midtown coop for $2,995,000 and is located at 7th Ave. and w. 58th.

*****California is waiting for Jerry Brown to sign a bill that bans puppy mills.

*****WWF has released wild tigers back into Kazakhstan. Scimitar horned oryx were released into the Sahara desert and indigo snakes were reintroduced into Florida.

*****Toys “R” Us has filed for bankruptcy.

*****Tom Price, health and human services secretary, has resigned after hic charter flight scandal.

*****After 50 years Rolling Stone may be up for sale.

*****Doc Martin is back on Acorn for series 8.

*****As social media has been telling us, we don’t need a border wall. Tourism is down about $37 billion. Thanks Trump!

*****Trump supporters don’t seem to like him fraternizing with the Dems and waffling on DACA. They have been burning their red hats but scary clown already got the money for selling them so what does he care. Anne Coulter wonders if there is anybody left who does not want Trump impeached.** Some states are suing over DACA.

*****”Holes separate men and women.”- Billy Connolly

*****The dreamer program has been signed away. The Deferred Action for Children’s Arrival has been handed to congress for 6 months to deal with. The administration says it violates the rule of law.

*****The Peoria Blues and Heritage fest went off without a hitch. The weather was perfect and we should all be looking at the Jamiah Rogers band, these guys are fucking awesome. John Butler checked them out before his own set and was great with his fans.

*****Bill Withers has his first solo record since 1985 with a cover of (You’ve been quite a doll) Raggedy Ann.

*****In this country, a woman dies every 2 hours of cervical cancer because of improper health care.

*****Can I just say that I do not want to see reporters in the middle of hurricanes. Can they just stay safe in a room and fix a camera outside? I would much rather see different angles of the storm and see no people out there.  It was often impossible to hear then anyway.  The communication between the studio and location was fucked up and did not help anyway. It also seemed like they showed an awful lot of Shell stations. JS

*****An estimated 70 million Americans saw the fake Russian ads during the campaign.  No impact??

*****The Stones are on their No Filter tour in Europe and they brought out ‘Dancin with Mr. D’ which hasn’t been played live since 1973.

*****Trumps lawyers seem to want Jared out.

*****Steve Bannon’s Great Great Grandfather was an immigrant from Ireland who needed no papers to get in this country.

*****Montgomery , Alabama is going to open a Museum of lynching.  There is a wall lined with jars of dirt that were collected from sites of lynching’s from around the country.  Very powerful.

*****Thanks Trump administration for removing references to ‘LGBTQ’ youth from a federal program for victims of sex trafficking. It also eliminates funding to international groups that provide abortions. This comes from mostly evangelical lobbyists who are reporting that they are having more discussions  with this administration than they ever had with any President.

*****Vanity Fair has their best dressed list out which includes Harry Styles, Rihanna, Solange, Jack Schlossberg, Justin Trudeau, Janelle Monae, Dev Patel, Cate Blanchett, Zoe Kravitz, Ruth Negga, and Donald Glover. The hall of fame mentioned Lauren Hutton, Jeremy irons and Prince Phillip.

*****More police brutality against the black man with the subduing of the Seahawks Michael Bennett for no apparent reason.

*****Leslie Van Houten has again been granted parole. As last year she is waiting out the 120 days to get the word from Gov. Jerry Brown.

*****Lovin’ Greg Garcia’s The Guest book on TBS. What is not to love about seeing Charles Robinson and Carly Jibson again.  It made my day to see guest Orson Bean!!

*****The U.S. office of government ethics has changed a policy that will now allow lobbyists to donate to staffers legal defense funds.

*****Cameras have taken the first pictures of white giraffes in Kenya.

*****The Simpsons will be going to New Orleans this season!

*****The Middle is starting its last season. We will miss U!

*****Jay Pharoah has a new show on Showtime. White Famous is loosely based on the life of Jamie Foxx who is the executive producer.

*****John Davis Washington, son of Denzel may head the cast of Black Klansman. Spike Lee will direct and Jordan Peele will produce the true story of an African American who in 1978 infiltrated the KKK. Ron Stallworth used phones and his own writing to communicate with the organization. When he had to appear in person he sent a white officer in his place. They were able to sometimes sabotage cross burnings and other activities.

*****IT just had the biggest horror movie opening ever. The acting is quite nice for chapter 1 but the ending a bit long.

*****Netflix is bringing a delicious doc : Jim and Andy  The great beyond featuring a very special contractually obligated mention of Tony Clifton. Spike Jonze is producing with the hundred  hours of footage from Man on the Moon. ** Other new docs on the way look at Eric Clapton, Grace Jones and Sammy Davis Jr. It is the first time that Kim Novak will talk on camera about dating Sammy.

*****September 16 brought the Juggalos march on Washington. They have been bringing awareness about their gang designation and the harm that it has caused. The running man with a hatchet is considered a gang symbol and gives cops probable cause to search. The FBI labeled Juggalos a hybrid gang in 2011. Also marching were some of the alt right calling their march the mother of all rallies but it only produced about 500 people.

*****Treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin requested use of a government jet for his honeymoon and he later withdrew that request.

*****Finally there was a confirmation from a charity that Trump claims to have given to after the Hurricanes. Direct relief received 25 thou. ** There have still been no charities that received money from the inauguration fund.

*****WGN is bringing us a new show called Bellevue.

*****Howard Buffett will be the new Sheriff of Macon county in Illinois. His father Warren had donated millions to the area.

*****Prophets of Rage are here to raise awareness with members of Cypress Hill, Rage against the Machine and Public Enemy.

*****LA summer Olympics in 2028?!

*****Sean Spicer landed on Jimmy Kimmel. Wow.. What a kiss ass whiny bitch. He tried hard to stay in Trumps good graces with compliments for the Pres and constant berating of the press. He reminded me of a ventriloquist dummy with a hand up his ass.** His cameo at the Emmy’s did not go over very well either.

***** Model Monroe Bergdorf was fired by L’oreal because of her anti- racist remarks.  She has now been hired by Illamasqua.

*****Boycott Dragon Dumps! Don’t pay your bill on time and the owner dumps garbage on your lawn.

*****It looks like Trevor Noah will stay with the Daily show until at least 2022.

*****James Woods used his twitter account to try and shame a movie about a gay romance between a 17 year old and a 24 year old. Amber Tamblyn tweeted that Woods had hit on her for real when she was only 16.

*****Scientists are trying to bring back the chelonoidis elephantopus Galopagos turtles. 80 blood samples of modern day island turtles have genetic traces of the lost species. Even though they have been extinct for 160 years, scientists think they can reproduce though not to 100%. Could they reverse the negative effects that humans cause in the environment?

***** Why do bullies feel the need to use the art of artists who want nothing to do with them? It is like using ‘You can’t always get what you want’ for Trump when there are plenty of artists who agree with you that would love for you to use their art. Now Universal music and American recordings had to send a cease and desist letter to the white supremacist site Stormfront to stop using Johnny Cash’s version of ‘I won’t back down.’ The host blames the Jews.

*****Tru tv will bring us At home with Amy Sedaris.

*****North Dakota paleontologists have been uncovering so many bones that they are inviting the public to help.  It sounds like a dream come true.

*****Paul Newman is Jake Gyllenhaal’s Godfather. JS

*****St. Louis exploded into protest with yet another acquittal of a police officer after the shooting of a black man, Anthony Lamar Smith. Peoria, Il is also dealing with the shooting of an alleged bank robber who was shot 18 times.

*****The NFL is standing together in solidarity for equality and scary clown is sniping at them like a bitch. Our leader would not know respect and maturity if it bit him in the ass.** The Packers asked their fans to stand arm in arm with them on their Thursday night game with the Bears. Respect to Aaron Rodgers and the guys for speaking out before the game on equality. Some ‘fans’ are burning their Packer stuff. ..  Why do these Trump supporters always want to burn everything? Do they have any idea how racist and ridiculous that looks?

*****Veep is going to bring us their last season while Julia is battling breast cancer. Joe Biden tweeted that us Veeps must stick together to show his support.

*****The Emmy’s with Stephen Colbert have come and gone. My best dressed were Ellie Kemper, Jessica Biel, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, Leslie Jones, Matthew Rhys, Claire Foy, Evan Rachel Wood ,Gabrielle Union, Donald Glover, Emmy Rossum, Zoe Kravitz, Nicole Kidman and Julia- Louis Dreyfus. My worst dressed were Uzo Aduba, Debra Messing, Anna Farris, Tracee Ellis Ross and Prianka Chopra. I love Sarah Paulson and the back of her dress was great but …?? There was so much black fabric which was awesome. Was it mourning for the earthquake and hurricane victims or just a general sadness for the country?  Whatever the reason.. hooray black!!**Also happy that hairstyles were mostly long and loose.** I was happy to see Laura Dern win for supporting actress in a limited series or movie. ** The Handmaids tale won for show, directing and writing , for Anne Dowd who looked more shocked and appreciative than I have ever seen and Elisabeth Moss. ** I was happy for Alec Baldwin for best supporting actor but was really routing for Louie Anderson. ** When the noms came out, I could not imagine anything beating out FEUD but everything did. ** The girls from 9 to 5 stole the show with their mention of a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot. ** Donald Glover won for directing and acting. **Alexander Skarsgard won which gave he and his brother quite a week. ** John Oliver won two and he again flew in his whole staff. ** Julia- Louis Dreyfus has now won the most Emmys for the same character in the same show. Veep got best comedy.**It was a wonderful moment when Carol Burnett and Norman Lear came out but DeNiro looked so disinterested.** Cicely Tyson has often been described as a bit of a diva and seemed a bit out of it on the broadcast but her counterpart saved the day.** So sad that Bob Odenkirk did not win but kudos to sterling K. Brown. They seemed to play him off too quickly while Nicole Kidman and big little lies had all the time in the world.

*****Bobby Moynihan stars in the new  ‘Me Myself and I’ on CBS.

*****Word is that the Trump campaign is asking supporters to contribute money to build the wall.

*****Can we pay a little more attention to Puerto Rico? Why is the Pres giving them grief? Things were tough enough before the devastation. Puerto Rico has no bankruptcy and running a business is so costly there. Companies there must buy American which we don’t have to do.  Forty percent of residents don’t have insurance. So many of the supplies sent to help are just sitting there in San Juan.

*****Angela Merkel has won a 4th term as German chancellor.

*****Singapore got their first female President, Halimah Yacob. She was the only candidate.

*****There was a settlement in a lawsuit against Club Cabaret. Dancers sued to be employees instead of individual contractors. The dancers won a million and cost of legal fees.

*****Art Garfunkel has a memoir/diary/ book of musings out called ‘What is it all but luminous.’

*****The personal account of Ted Cruz hit ‘like’ on a porn site on 9/11. He calls it a mistake by a staffer. A college roommate of Cruz said that he was not surprised.

*****After a tweet from the Pres about hitting Hil with a golf ball, Stephen King tweeted: Thinks hitting a woman with a golf ball and knocking her down is funny. Myself, I think it indicates a severely fucked up mind.

*****Brooklyn 99 is back and funnier than ever with the same great cast and opening.

*****Bill Maher and Jimmy Kimmel are rated number 1 of tv personalities based on Facebook, Instagram, twitter et al.

*****R.I.P Richard Anderson, Walter Becker, Don Williams, David Tang, Troy Gentry, Murray Lerner, Mexico’s earthquake victims, those lost to hurricane Irma, Frank Vincent, Len Wein, Grant Hart, Harry Dean Stanton, Michelle Rounds, Bonnie Angelo, Hugh Hefner, Jake La Motta, Eddie Russell Jr., Edith Windsor, Tony Booth and Monty Hall.

ȅ

[maggieisalarrie]

Titles: A

A Cauldron of Love by zimriya (27k)

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, yes,” Niall interrupts finally. “Harry’s been in love with Louis Tomlinson since that time in second year when he went and accidentally peed on him.”

Harry turns to face him, horrified. “Niall!” he squeaks out. “You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone about that!”

Niall just shrugs and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Aw, come off it, Hazza, was it really a secret?” When Harry doesn’t say anything, he pauses and looks up. “It was?” he says. “Ah, bollocks.”

A Hogwarts AU.

A Harmony of Frost and Flames by londoniscalling (13k)

"He’s passing lockers and whistling a quiet tune when he first smells it. His body comes to a halt and his nostrils flair instinctively, eyes going wide as he registers what the scent resembles.

An omega in heat."

OR

Louis goes into his first heat at school and Harry accidentally puts them into a compromising position.

A Harmony of Frost and Flames Extended Epilogue by londoniscalling (7k)

Sequel to A Harmony of Frost and Flames.

A Long Way From The Playground by nightwideopen (11k)

Louis is a single dad who is having a lonely life crisis and Harry is a doctor that carries around princess band-aids in his pocket.

Scraped knees make grown men bond, apparently.

A Million One, A Million Two (a Hundred More Will Never Do) by LittleLostPieces (42k)

While Harry doesn’t want to spend his final year at Wilshire Academy sharing his space with yet another idiot roommate, he figures he could have ended up with a lot worse than Niall. As the school’s newest scholarship student, Niall provides a fresh perspective on Harry’s privileged life, as well as a grounding presence when Harry’s other friends, Liam and Zayn, are acting like lunatics. Most importantly, though, Niall introduces him to Louis, a cynical townie with zero interest in spending his time around entitled boarding school kids. Convincing Louis that he’s more than a trust fund and a charming smile won’t be easy, but Harry’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

An AU loosely inspired by the short-lived WB drama, Young Americans, and the Gotta Be You music video.

A New Buzz by stylesoftheshire (7k)

‘No way,’ Louis says, shaking his head disbelievingly. ‘Only you would come out to your best friend by making him buy you a fucking dildo.’

The classic tale of how Louis helps Harry purchase a vibrator and later helps him use it.

a prayer for which no words exist by Eliane (34k)

"Louis is a few seconds away from blowing up a rather important section of the New York subway when he sees Harry for the first time."

A Run At The Past by hostagesfic (11k)

Harry doesn’t expect it to happen while Gemma’s in Australia. He’s not lonely, this time, with plenty to do and the adrenaline of the end of tour, the excitement of going back to Japan. And Gemma, of course, her jokes at his expense and her flirting with Niall and her hugs for every occasion, the way she looks like mum when she scolds him half-heartedly. There’s no reason it should happen.

He wakes up in Louis’ bed anyway.

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

a virgin to that money by eversincewefellapart (7k)

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can't find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

Accidents Happen by lanaboo222 (19k)

Harry is accident prone and Louis is a volunteer minor emergency worker. They meet a lot and things happen.

Ace by aclosetlarryshipper (32k)

It’s real. He can’t keep denying it. Denial has just made things more difficult. Acceptance is the first stage to anything.

Louis sniffles and pulls the sun visor down, flipping it open to reveal the mirror. He stares into his own icy eyes, grimacing at the red rim around the edges.

He tries to say the words, but they still feel too final and condemning.

or

The sexuality crisis you probably haven't read.

Adore You by isthatyoularry (67k)

“We invited our new acquaintances from uptown. You’ve simply got to meet their oldest son!” said his mother with a flourish, and suddenly it became abundantly clear as to why his parents had so adamantly demanded he join them in Deansville for the entirety of the summer.

Against his wishes, Harry spends the holidays at his family’s summer estate, and is reluctantly pulled into a courtship he didn’t ask for. Harry doesn’t want to get married, but Louis does. They don’t fit, but then again they really, really do.

Vaguely set in the 1920’s. Headpieces, jazz, fashionable canes, and flapper dresses, and that.

Ain’t My Fault by afirethatcannotdie (7k)

“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”

“It is not for sex!”

“It is. Trust me.”

“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”

“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”

“I really don’t.”

“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

all i want for christmas is by crybaby (18k)

With Harry up against his side, his little four year old snuggled in his lap like it’s her favourite place, Louis could really believe they’re a real little family, off to their chalet to spend Christmas in the snow. A real little family where Louis would have the luxury of kissing Harry under mistletoe and rolling around in the fresh snow with him, taking him upstairs to his bedroom and fucking him to keep him warm.

(harry is louis' daughters' au pair. they spend christmas in austria)

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (22k)

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing. or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

All We Have by colourexplosion (6k)

He looks at the person who’s asked him a question and then immediately wishes he hadn’t. He’s beautiful, is the thing, and Harry’s met him before.

“No, sorry,” he says, shaking his head, averting his eyes. It’s an old habit, one he’s gotten better about resisting, but he supposes seeing Louis Tomlinson out in the wild transports him right back to youth club.

“Ah, s’fine really,” Louis says, instead of just walking away like a normal person, “Pretty boy like you shouldn’t be smoking anyway, yeah?”

Harry’s cheeks flood with heat before he can stop it, and he squeezes his eyes shut. Of course. Of course Louis Tomlinson — the boy who basically made Harry realize he’s gay — thinks he’s cute now. Ten years after the fact, and much too late for it to do any good at all.

Or, a 'Grown' au

Always Be My Baby by itsmiz (8k)

Louis isn't looking forward to his birthday, and Harry makes him see that age truly is just a number.

Based on Louis' tweet: 22 is old :(

Always Come Back To You by whoknows (29k)

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

amaryllis by hattalove (147k)

“Where are we?” “Um. A little while out of London?” Niall tries, seemingly the only one willing to not be mysterious and provide Harry with information, and. Oh. “London London? As in, the capital of England London?” he asks, just in case he’d misheard. “No, the other London,” Louis laughs, low and biting. He comes closer finally, the moonlight just enough to reveal a sharp-cut jaw and pale skin. “Sorry, Pup.” Nobody’s ever called Harry a “pup”. Frankly, he finds it quite insulting, but he lets it slide to try and comprehend his current crisis.

or the one where harry gets bitten by a werewolf. louis is the mysterious not-quite alpha, liam and zayn have Things going on, niall is their token human, and together, they watch a lot of TV.

And Then A Bit by infinitelymint (159k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

anything plain can be lovely by el_em_en_oh_pee (5k)

Harry sees Louis - like, really sees Louis - again for the first time in his mid-thirties. (a grew-up-together AU)

Around the World by orphan_account (6k)

“Could you–” Harry breaks off, gasping as Louis leans in to bite the sensitive skin just under Harry’s jaw, a favourite spot of Harry’s. “Could you, y’know, in French?”

“Could I what, H?” Louis asks, peppering kisses underneath Harry’s jaw and trailing them up to his lips.

“Dirty talk,” Harry says in an exhale.

Or, Louis dirty talks in French. Kind of.

Autumn At My Window by TheCellarDoor (20k)

A canon-compliant AU, in which Harry and Louis are both in the band and have been sharing flats and hotel rooms for nearly five years, but never made the leap past 'friends who are too close for comfort'.

Featuring a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own. 

Last edited: September 7, 2017

Done here? Go back to my Recommended Fics → 

[sincerelymrnaked]

Danger Room: Toronto’s most hostile comedy show for hecklers

“GET OFF THE STAGE MAN BOOBS!”

“DON’T EAT THE MIC YOU FAT FUCK!”

“GET DOWN BEFORE ONE OF YOUR BUTTONS HITS SOMEONE IN THE EYE!”

“SAY A JOKE YOU SAGGING ASSHOLE!”

We walk into the bar known as The Corner Comedy Club, a grimy comedy club with a fitting slogan: “It’s so small it’s funny,” on the corner of John Street in Downtown Toronto. A fat comedian in a red plaid shirt and ripped jeans is sitting on a stool on the stage with a mic in a sweaty hand, getting chewed alive by a crowd of the most ruthless hecklers I’ve ever witnessed.

“YOU’RE AS COMICAL AS YOU ARE SKINNY!”

“Yeah, that’s what your mom said when I was sitting on her face last night!” Fat Comedian calls.

“BOOOOOO!”

“GOOD MOM JOKE YOU FUCKING AMATURE!”

“I PAID TEN BUCKS FOR THIS SHIT!”

The poor guy can’t get two sentences in without being ripped to shreds. Chirps fly through the bar like rapid gunfire, the heavy-duty artillery leaving the brave comedian wounded and humiliated on the grimy stage. He’s struggling to stay upright, pushing weak incest and dead baby jokes, desperate for the slightest trace of laughter that he’s actually responsible for, trying to make a joke and not be the joke. He has no such luck.

But this wasn’t your usual comedy night. This was Danger Room — a night were most comedians don’t last more than one minute before the shark tank of hecklers swallow them whole.

And one of my best friends was soon to perform.

Let’s back up to six hours prior.

I was at the gym near the free-weights when I bumped into one of my old buddies from High School. He’s a writer too and whenever we see each other we often dive into discussions about the pressure to engage readers. He told me he’s been writing a new short story every day, but that he’s also been doing some stand-up comedy to test material in front of a live crowd. 

“Really? Stand up?”

“Yeah man. There’s this open mic place I go on Sunday nights on Danforth and Broadview.”

“How’s the crowd?”

“Depends on the night. Sometimes there’s silence, but it’s a good crowd to go to for your first time. Everyone’s pretty open and positive.”

“I’ve got a friend who I’ve been wanting to get on stage for a while. He’s a born comedian! I would love to get him on.”

“You guys should definitely come by!”

My friend Phil is the funniest guy I know. Not only can he spit out any accent with cunning precision, he can also spiral into rants of improvised comedy as if he wrote the stuff down and rehearsed it for weeks. He can play any role. Become any character. He’s quick. Spontaneous. And damn right hysterical. But here’s the problem: he’s nervous about getting up on stage.

Here’s why.

Phil and I are fraternity brothers, and a couple years ago I convinced him to do some stand up for a sorority’s philanthropy event. I had helped him prepare his set, making sure to throw in some of his signature stuff. His Frat Bro PC character he not-so-loosely based off of South Park was one of his best rants, and we decided it would be fitting for a Greek life gathering.

But were we ever wrong.

The audience of sorority sisters, children, parents, and distinguished philanthropists were not prepared for a set screaming about how “PC DOESN’T STAND FOR PUSSY CRUSHING!” 

Though his material was comedic gold to my buddies and I, it wasn’t the right time or place, and it left a sea of mothers and daughters staring at him with lowered jaws and wide eyes — all in deafening silence. 

Phil’s been rightfully nervous to get back up on stage ever since. I figured tonight would be the perfect opportunity to get him back on that horse.

I shot him a quick message: “We’re going out tonight.”

After meeting up with Phil and some buddies for a quick pre-game, we all hit the road in my buddy’s soccer mom van and drove twenty-five minutes to Danforth and Broadview. This was the night of Thanksgiving Sunday and most of us had dinners with our families that delayed our departure time, so we were running a little late. Actually we were running very late. By the time we arrived at the bar, the show was over and everyone was gone.

Giving up, we considered the alternatives of going to another bar, racking in some shots, and maybe getting Phil a mic anyway. But then my buddy Bernie came up with a final idea.

“There’s another comedy club not too far,” says Bernie, scrolling through his phone. “It’s just on the corner of John Street. Ten-minute drive from here. Some show called ‘Danger Room.’”

“Is it open mic?” Phil asks.

“I think it’s for actual comedians. And I think there’s cover.”

We agree to check it out. Nothing else was happening anyway.

When we get to the bar, we ask the guy running the door — a bearded man in a leather jacket, sporting a red bandana around his head — if our buddy can get up on stage. “You done this before?” he asks Phil.

“This is my first time,” Phil replies, not counting the sorority event.

“First time? And you’re fucking stupid enough to come here!”

In that second, as if on cue, we hear from inside: “GET OFF THE STAGE MAN BOOBS!” 

We shuffle through the crowd and find seats near the front of the tiny bar. The place reeks of beer and tobacco smothered clothing, with faint lighting illuminating a small wooden plank constituting a stage. Drunken chirps are firing from a group of guys scattered all around the grubby place; the poor comedian currently up is being publicly decimated. He struggles to squeeze in some of his prepared jokes until one of the drunkest hecklers literally rips him off the stage.

“YOU ARE FUCKING AWFUL!”  

“PLEASE! NEVER COME BACK HERE!”

More comedians step on, and nobody does any better. The drunker the hecklers get, the more shameless they are with their heckling. This results in comedic desperation: comedians resort to new levels of vulgarity in hopes of cheaper laughs. Jokes about sex become jokes about overdosing on drugs, which becomes jokes about being fucked by dads, which spirals into jokes about being a child predator. The laughs never come. Well, besides the laughter deriving from shameless heckling. The cycle continues.

One guy is heckled so badly, he tries to avert the attention to the Muslim sitting in front of him, hoping to use pathetic racism to weasel out of the ambush. (Yup, a real stand-up piece of shit.) He’s proven weak and unfit, and this only amps-up the insults.

“YOU LOOK LIKE A GERMAN SKATEBOARDER THAT ALSO DJ’S!” one guy screams at a comedian in a bomber jacket with a big man-bun dangling from a backward cap.

“AND YOUR CAP LOOKS LIKE IT’S TAKING A SHIT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!” another heckler adds. (Not all of them were so clever.)

“I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMEDY, NOT A SPECIAL-ED ASSEMBLY!”

Why would anybody stand up before such a merciless crowd? Simple. To battle the most vicious monster there is, and survive to tell the tale. Most of the guys who go up are actual comedians, who come to Danger Room to test their skills against the worst crowd you could possibly encounter. After a Danger Room attack, silence would feel like a compliment.

But even these guys were used to getting up on stage. Phil was up next. 

He sits on the stool and raises the mic to his mouth.

“WHAT’S THIS PUSSY GOING TO DO? SING HIGHSCHOOL MUSICAL?”

“GET OFF THE STAGE PEDRO!”

“YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WATCH CHILD PORN AND JERK OFF IN PUBLIC SWIMMING POOLS!”

Despite these initial heckles, Phil starts off strong by faking weak. He begins with a quaky, loud and high-pitched voice, playing the character of someone terrified to perform — like a voice-cracking thirteen-year-old about to read the Torah for his Bar Mitzvah.

“H-high g-guys, my n-name is Ph-Phillip and I’m s-super n-nervous t-to perform t-tonight in front o-of all o-of y-y-you…”

Before the next heckle can fire, he jumps up, snaps into a booming southern accent — blaring with confidence and authority — and ascends into an incredible rant about the astonishing diversity of the crowd which he “ain’t used to in ma neighborhood back in Virginia!”

Everyone erupts into laughter.

A heckler screams a dumb Jew joke.

He switches from his southern accent to his Gay-Nazi-German-accent. “Vhat nobody veally knows is zhat vee vere all gay!”

His set is completely improvised. He rolls with the punches and starts introducing all his classic characters that were once confined to the frat house living room: Puerto Rican drug dealer, Australian pervert, Chinese businessman — those that were previously only available to the boys at the end of a drunk night with pizza boxes scattered on the floor. For the first time, Phil’s contagious humour is completely unleashed. And nobody could get enough of him.

When the heavy chirps start flying, unlike the other guys, he doesn’t revert to desperate comedy by raising the vulgarity or trying to deflect the cruelty towards people sitting in the crowd. He’s genuinely funny, and not desperate to make the crowd think so. He simply is.

And if you think I’m just being biased, even the drunkest hecklers gave him a big round of applause. It was the first and only applause of the night. None of the boys could believe it. But I’m gonna be a huge cheeseball and say I knew he had it in him all along. 

As we walked out, the owner told Phil he could come back anytime. Two comedians gave him their business cards as they hacked darts outside the bar. People who were in the audience asked him where his next gig is. He was the newly-emerged celebrity of the night. 

People often feel like they need to ease into challenges. They prefer slowly moving forward, gradual development, and keeping their dignity intact throughout the process. But sometimes your dignity has to be compromised. Sometimes you need to dive headfirst into the trenches of difficulty in order to come out stronger. Sometimes you need to go all in.

Failure has a way of holding people back — the silence of the sorority is something that may’ve stopped Phil from further performances, but the bravery to move on was the key that popped open the door to the night’s success.

Now, allow me to be sincerely-naked-honest for a second: There’s a lot of assholes in the world. 

There’s a lot of people who are going to give you every reason possible to stay safely buckled to your seat. They’ll take pride in ripping you down, in laughing or shaming you for even trying. But that’s all part of the system of growth. When you make yourself vulnerable and try to pursue something scary, chances are you’re going to eat shit sometimes. And most times, people will shit on you.  

It’s one of the biggest risks of starting a blog — hell, about writing in general. Not everyone is going to agree with the things you’re writing about, and a whole lot of people will make the effort to make their disagreements heard loud and clear. They’ll so much as bombard you with novella-long comments about how you don’t have the right to say the things you’re saying. They’ll send you hate emails. They’ll even straight up say that you don’t have what it takes and that you should just give up — the equivalence of a heckling reaction to a punchline. 

When I was the opinion editor for my university paper, it was a hard pill to swallow: the acceptance that not everyone will like or agree with my stuff. But I eventually began to see flack as a necessary part of my development, similar to the way comedians who come to Danger Room see ruthless heckles. It’s part of the process, and the more accustomed you get to the horrors of people protesting against your stance, the taller you eventually stand. 

In summary, there’s two ways of approaching assholes who love to shit on you like it’s their day job. 1) You could play victim and cry about being verbally assaulted, complain about feeling unsafe, or blame all lack of success on the pricks that walk the earth. 2) You could suck it up and use those same assholes to make you stronger. 

We may bomb it. We may kill it. But until we try, we’re letting the hecklers win.

We all live in a Danger Room. So let’s use those pricks to our advantage.  

Let’s raise our red solo cups (or cheap glasses of wine if you think you’re classy or something) to the assholes that make silence feel like a compliment — and who make our worst fears a fucking joke.

Sincerely,  Mr. Naked.