#character bleed

[luninosity]

Happy Character Bleed Box Set Release Day!

Yep, the Character Bleed box set - containing the original three novels, and a  new author’s note and updated cover art - is out now, June 10, from JMS Books!

Ebook first, paperback coming soon - and yes, it’ll be massive! *laughs* It's 332,890 words! Good heavens, as Colby would say. This is closer to the way I originally wrote it, as one giant novel - I broke it into a trilogy to, y'know, make it publishable! But now we're doing it as one big story! This volume includes the short stories that came with each book of the trilogy - the short stories that were published separately will get collected into a second volume, coming soon! (And there might be a new one in there...I've been wanting to do the Leather & Tea crossover story, purely for fun, just because I want to. This is a good excuse. And it's possible that Colby and Ben, of all people, have met before...) I love these characters and this world so much - it's the most words (and ideas!) I've ever written, and I'm so grateful and so lucky to have you all sharing this journey - tall ships, bread puns, and tender falling in love - with me. I loaf you. (Couldn't resist.) This box set is on sale over at JMS for only $10.39 during release week - after that it'll go up to $12.99! (This is the ebook - paperback coming soon.)

Come order yours at JMS now! (I believe there's not a separate Amazon link - or if there is I can't find it - because Amazon already lets you buy all three books as a bundle over here. That doesn't get you the new cover or Author's Note though!)

[soulmates-for-real]

Wincest Wednesday

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Jensen used his phone to take a picture of a commercial he saw on his tv of KFC fried chicken in between two glazed donuts.

[source]

[sevilemar]

Here is a fun part of after-larp character bleed: casual and instinctual cruelty, and an overactive and primal 'protect what's mine' instinct.

Fey morality works different than human morals, and I just spent two days embodying that morality in a space where everyone else did as well. It does something to you. And especially when you already know you have that kind of dark side.

Warning: There will be mentioning of consensual casual cruelty, consensual gaslighting, and imagined consensual torture in a safe space under the cut.

As Domovyk, trapping a lost fey and playing a cruel little trick on them with two Squad members was just a bit of light fun. And gaslighting another after they lost the memory of their lover by telling them they don't know anyone like that is just a bit of mischief. It's even more fun because it was Domo themself that layed the curse as part of a big and public ritual.

Other fey were asking for nightmares or physical torture for fun or art, and I remember critiquing Frankenstein's experiments with sharing pain and dismemberment between two Foundlings as a bit gauche, and getting approving nods from fellow audience members.

And then there's the part where Domo's partner/lover/soulmate Kikimora specialises in execution via nightmares, and lives off the fear it creates. And Domo loves not only watching them work and be their truest self, but also seeing them happy and satisfied after. And how Domo themself feeds on cleaning up the mess that's left behind.

The fact that Domo and Kiki's relationship is extremely wholesome, and has been stable and emotionally fulfilling for centuries makes the juxtaposition to these fucked-up fey morals even more delicious.

And the reason we're not all traumatised and fucked in the head after that weekend is consent, clear communication of goals and boundaries, and a very simple escalation/de-escalation mechanic. It gave me the reassurance I needed to let my aggressive and sadistic side come out and play a little, and experience what it's like without actually hurting anyone.

And now I'm back in the real world where none of that safe space exists, where people hurt each other for real, and where I would rather eat glass and cut out my own eyes than do any of this intentionally. And yet I still have all these leftover instincts, this drive to be cruel to anyone who attacks one of mine.

What do I do with it, where do I put it? Writing this down and analysing it for what it is helps, as does posting nasty little bits in the community. Maybe I should get back into BDSM forums for this kind of thing, but that comes with it's own problems. Physical work helps, and also dancing. And most definitely signing up for the next fey larp to do it all over again *smirk

[walker-290]

[aspeccharactersoftheday]

Evan from Spectacular is asexual!

[rainbowsky]

what do you think about gg referring to dd as lan zhan/ as in when they were not filming. like when they are talking casually on set as gg dd. it's probably just because they are in their costumes and are on set. i don't think they will refer to each other that way when not on set but. i read all your posts on character's bleed and i agree but this still itches me. there was a fake story i read about when they were on set gg was singing a song to dd but in the love song he referred to dd as (+)

fake stories can be misleading and shouldn't be taken seriously but this one just seemed real to me for some reason. anyways i wud love to hear your thoughts.

It seems you missed a bit of text in your second message so I am not sure what you meant to say GG referred to DD as, but I'm assuming Lan Zhan?

As for what I think of all that... I don't read anything whatsoever into their use of character names. Pretty much everyone on the cast was in the habit of referring to each other by their character names, so it's likely that's where that came from initially. But most of the BTS clips show them referring to each other as gege and Lao Wang and Lao Xiao and Wang Yibo and Zhan ge and seonbae, and gou zai zai and various other terms of familiarity, humor and endearment.

There were also times when they referred to each other by their character names in an intentionally ironic or humorous way.

As for character bleed, it feels to me like a fanfiction to think GG and DD ever were dug into each other's characters in such a significant way that they'd mistakenly fall for the character and then be confused about their feelings for the person. It's just not how they appear on set in the BTS for one thing, and it's not the sort of dramatic environment that would lead to that level of character bleed either. I talked about that more in my character bleed post.

That's just my two cents having watched hours and hours of BTS footage. I just don’t believe they were in a state of character bleed. They were GG and DD throughout filming. 

If people have that CPN and it makes them happy, please don’t let me rain on that, but it’s just not something I personally buy into.

Regardless of which view is accurate, it's irrelevant now. They're clearly still committed and into each other, so any character bleed they might have had would no longer be a factor. The show was filmed 4 years ago.

[justanothersong]

[xprojectrpg]

Handy article on RP and the IC and OOC bleed, provided by @typewriterchan

[zeroar]

The Throne of Ao Retrospective

I'm not going to talk about major major spoilery details, but lots of meta spoilers and some text spoilers ahead for the novel The Throne of Ao by Zero Angel (me).

My first novel, The Throne of Ao, was meant to be this grand kick-off of its world, sure, but more than that, it was a rejection of cynicism. It was about the good in trying. It was about hope overcoming the greatest of despair, even when you know failure—ultimate failure at that—more than you know success.

It was a rejection of misanthropy.

There was more to it of course. There was the idea of being a frog in a well and taking steps onto the stage of the wider world; of how competition with others can inspire you to greater heights; of the unfairness of disease and war; of growing apart from your friends; of the loneliness of talent; of mutual jealousy.

But the overwhelming theme through it all was even if you fail, it is better to try and fail again than it is to give in, than it is to give up, and, in the worst case, than it is to die.

For me, Throne was a pledge to keep trying.

When I wrote it, the theme was second to the events of the story that were happening. I didn't have it planned out that Val would fail in some way and continue failing and continue getting better (better at what?) and continue trying. The theme developed more as Val's response to Uri than anything else.

Of course Uri is going to be a cynical jerk in the face of tragedy, how else could he rationalize his "great talent" not being able to change the world? Then there's Val who may be well-liked but could never do what Uri could. Of course he isn't going to accept nothing can be done. No matter how bad things get, they can get better. Part of it is ignorance, yeah, but part of it is seeing things get better even when someone as talentless as he is being the one trying.

As powerful as Uriel was, he was well aware he couldn't move the world (at least back then). As powerless as Val was, he kept building up dust until it became a mountain. Uriel never met his match (I mean, antimagick was rough, sure). Val always had a height unreached to strive for; Val always had Uri.

Of course, their first big failure in the novel arguably ended much worse as a result of their trying than if they hadn't done anything. While Uri turns inward after this, internalizing the failure and feeling foolish for even trying, Val reaches out, all the while wearing his failure on his chest.

But the two kept clashing heads. Uriel doing his best to save a single person and Val trying to save everyone within reach. Uriel's refrain of, "You can't save everyone" was as much his bitterness and jealousy at Val trying to save everyone (and at his own weakness) as it was his promise to focus on saving the one person he cared the most about.

They both failed.

The theme of continuing to try after failing was inevitable with there being no way both could succeed.

It's difficult for me to read ToA nowadays. I have had the next two books outlined for something like ten years at this point. I've written expansions and extra chapters and character examinations of the first book, too.

I still love it. My mind still goes to that world. I could write endlessly in it. There are not enough words in the universe to ever complete that world. I dream of releasing more. Side stories, prequels, day-in-the-life quirky little whatevers.

I imagine some people see Val as a Mary Sue. Or at least as an author stand-in if not someone overly-competent. But no. He's just someone who cares and tries.

I mean, I created every character and there is some part of me in all of them. Val, Uri, Maryl, Byrea… They all live in me and they all grew from me.

But the one closest to me, the one I recognize the most, is the misanthrope, Uriel. The one who was more consumed with their rage, jealousy, and loneliness—in spite of having such a good friend—that it only pushed them further apart, more alone… Only made them more disbelieving that they could even be the same species. The one who punishes themself for not being perfect, who self-sabotages and gives in.

By writing Val—really, by writing the entire novel—it helped me hold on to faith and belief in humanity.

Val loses everything. Everything. But he keeps going, he keeps growing. He keeps trying. And sometimes he even is able to make a difference. Sometimes he saves some of the people he tries to save. Sometimes he saves a princess that at least stalls a war. Sometimes he finds a magickal plant that can end a plague even if it can't cure cancer. Who even puts their all into trying to cure cancer? In a fantasy novel I mean.

I don't know how he does it—that nonsense about getting up one more time than you fall.

Hope feels more cruel than anything. Despair makes sense. The weight of systemic injustice coupled with random tragedy is impossible to bear. Loneliness is overpowering.

I don't know how he does it.

I mean, I guess it's fiction. He does it because that's how he's designed.

But I've never felt like I was in control of what the characters do. I might set the stage and balance the scales against them, but once they are created I'm waiting to see what they'll do next.

And he kept getting up.

He lost everything. What are you even fighting for at that point? Why are you trying when you know there's no win-condition? When it will never end and there will always be more pain, more suffering, more tragedy and despair?

I finished writing ToA while teaching. So much coffee. I wrote a huge chunk of the actual text in a Barnes & Noble Café. My teaching career ended a few years ago in 2020. I have time now. I still have coffee, though now it's made by me.

I don't have hope.

I don't know how to deal with the emotions Val makes me feel in telling his story.

People die … And you just try more? …Try harder? Try different? You keep living?

How do you keep going? How does anyone keep going?

Throne was my pledge to not just keep trying but to believe in people and have faith in others. How much of not being able to write what comes next is because of the shame and guilt I feel in failing that pledge. Continuing to fail that pledge. Staying down. Surviving through the old despair and unwilling to try and feel new despair.

I'm full up on despair.

Knowing he's going to fail and trying anyway. What the fuck. I can't even call him a sweet summer child because his life has most definitely not been summery.

I guess he's meant to be aspirational lol.

I'd like to hope I could be like him (at least in that respect). I just don't know. I mean, I'm still alive. Some part of me hasn't given up. I just don't know.

I don't know if I can try again. Don't know if I can keep trying. I guess where I am is being willing to try to try.

[luninosity]

Look what's out today - and I had so much fun writing this!

"Coffee and Tea" is the crossover story in which Jason/Colby from Character Bleed meet Ben/Simon from Leather & Tea - and there might be some surprises, as far as which of them might've actually met before...

(Also, cheese-related jokes. Definitely those.)

Out now - at JMS Books (where it is 10% off!) here, and...

...at Amazon here! Where as I write this it is currently #17 in 90-Minute LGBTQ Short Reads - think we can get it higher? :D

So excited to share this one with you! <3

[auressea]

..thoughts from the Readers' Room

dear author:

if you're going to use your fiction as a way of expunging your own trauma via your characters... do not be surprised when readers leave comments about the characters thoughts and behaviours

and then take them as personal attacks...

because the comments feel like they are about <YOU>

[tchia]

​like they’re taking it sorry..

[autisticandroids]

FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.

[youtube with closed captions]

dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.

(via @closetoyou1970)

[kissingchoso]

Choso is obsessed with kissing you.

Which is crazy considering less than two months ago, he hadn’t a single clue what a kiss even was. He remembers staring at you, face neutral but there was a slightly consider look in his eyes when you asked him if he’s had his first kiss. To which he told you in confidence that he never has and you took it upon yourself to let him know exactly what it entailed.

At the first few kisses were a little messy and uncoordinated but Choso is a very fast learner. For his first make out session, he had you panting, staring up at him with a surprised expression while he looked hungry to eat you up some more.

Choso never had felt this level of desire before. Before, this was a foreign concept to him, another thing to add on to the pile of what makes humans more complex and frustrating. But it wasn’t until you were placing your soft hands on his cheeks and pulling his lips against yours did he realize. He wants to do this often.

He doesn’t understand why there’s blood rushing down to his nether region. All to the point where his cock is bulging against his loose fitting pants. All he can remember is feeling assured when you looked at him from your seated position on his lap and whispering to him that it was normal.

It was human.

Since then, Choso ‘pops a boner’ (thank you Itadori), whenever you’re on his lap and dancing your pretty lips against his.

It’s to the point where Choso is craving it at odd hours of the day.

His first thought in the morning is how much he needs to have his lips and body pressed against yours. Throughout his slow afternoons, he seeks you with the intent of having you sinking in the sheets beneath him to make out. Even in the middle of the night when he knows your asleep but all he can think of is being near you because of your ability to scratch that itch he can’t figure out what it’s coming from.

It’s no different now.

Choso is returning from a mission, body filled with scratches and dried blood. He just barely l acknowledges his younger brother in passing before he goes to your room and knocks a couple of times.

You answer the door wearing your loungewear clothes. Somewhere behind you, your book lays forgotten on your bed with soft music playing from your computer. This is the first time he’s felt peace since this leaving earlier this morning.

You give him a soft grin at the sight of him standing and not looking like he’s putting in strenuous amount of effort in doing so. “How does the other guy look?” You teased some.

“Dead.” Is all Choso responds with. A very literal response but it draws a giggle out of you and Choso feels proud of it.

You drag him into your peaceful world so that you can help clean him up. He was leaning against your bathroom counter with his hands resting in the cool surface behind him. His hair was down from their pigtails and he swapped out his bloody attire for some random pieces of clothing he never knew you “borrowed” from him.

He was watching you pack up the first aid kit, tossing out the soiled gauze and failed to place bandages. Now your…. person of conflicting interest was all patched up and looking fresh.

He watches you with his normal expression put the items away before coming to stand before him. “How do you feel?” You ask, voice soft and patient.

Choso just looks down at the professional level job you did on him and he simply nods at you. “Better.”

You smile that normal gorgeous one and he grins at you, a sight that’s rare but you appreciate it every time your eyes are blessed with the sight. You breathe out his name, but Choso cuts you off by pushing himself up off the counter and standing tall in front of you.

“I really would like to kiss you right now. Is that okay?”

Oh you’re going to eat him up one day.

“Sure, hotshot. But let’s go to the bed first, yeah?”

Now it would be unfair if you let Choso hold himself up after such a crazy fight. That’s why you have to coax him to lay down in his back and shush him once you’re straddling his lap.

Any complaints died on his tongue and he took the time to remind himself of what your lips feel like. He grunted against your lips, placing his hand on your thigh.

There he goes again, growing hard underneath you with no regard of it. You let out a soft moan at the sensation of it, dragging your hips up and down slowly to rub his cock. Choso’s grip on you tightens. He even rocks his hips in time with your sensual grinding.

You pull away from his lips to look at him properly. “This okay?” You ask, breathlessly.

Choso looks up at you with a wild expression in his eyes. “We’ve never done this before…”

“I know, I know,” you pant against his lips. Your nose nudges against his and you stare up at him with a little smile. “Do you wish to stop? If it’s too much then I shall not force you.”

Choso immediately shakes his head no. Eyes widened with a new emotion swirling in them. Knowing it’s his first time and his body is probably in no shape to be doing anything too extravagant, you stick to simply moving your hips back and forth against his completely hardened boner.

Curiously, his hips thrust upwards to meet yours a couple of times and he realizes very quickly that this was a good call. You return your mouth onto his, moaning against his parted lips as you humped him like a little bunny.

There’s a wet patch forming on the front of his pants and Choso doesn’t have it in him to care about that right now. Or the tight coil in his stomach that feels that it’s going to break into two any second now. He’s solely memorizing the feel of your lips on his, his tongue roughly pushing against yours just to taste you.

He remembers chasing your lips when you tried to pull away from him. He only hummed at the soft chuckle that escaped your throat before you are placing a hand on his collarbone to gently hold him back.

“We should get naked. It’ll feel better then,” you simply suggest.

“Naked?” His eyes are furrowed.

He’s never seen another woman naked. He’d only recently gotten used to this form himself. But with the subtle fire going behind your eyes and the ache coming between his legs, maybe it’ll be best to trust you for the millionth time in his lifetime.