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#but going phoenix wright would never do this to me. thats funny enough to keep going somehow
arcaneyouth · 2 years
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"why are you constantly posting about ace attorn3y" i cannot explain in a reasonable way how hyperfixating on some lawyers is keeping me sane in these trying times
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What I wish AA7 would be
OK this is basically gonna be a collection of really cool ideas that I think AA7 could do:
- So, basically the first big point I want to bring up is something that I know a lot of the AA fandom wants. BRING BACK A BUNCH OF OLDER CHARACTERS. This includes characters from the original trilogy, investigations, and so on. Instead of focusing on making even more new characters, it would be way more interesting and smarter to actually focus on pre-existing ones that havn’t had as much screentime that we already know everyone loves. 
The biggest seeming issue that lies with this though is that if we don’t want all these characters to just be cameos, the story will have to focus less on our usual main characters, and more on the supporting ones too. This might seem really tricky and could get out of hand with having so many characters to look after, but here me out on my next point.
- CHARCTER INTERACTIONS!!! So in all honesty, some of the best parts of the AA series is just seeing this extrememly goofy cast of characters interact in different ways. That’s kinda like one of my biggest highlights of the series as im sure it is with most. Like cmon, who doesn’t want to see some weird combinations like Athena and Franziska, or Kay and Sebastian and the rest of the invesigations crew meeting some of the Wright Anything Agency characters.  This ties into my first point of needed to bring back older characters in order for more intersting interactions that we havn’t seen before. BUT of course, like I said before the biggest issue is making this actually work in AA7.
- Well, the best way to deal with a large cast of characters is actually by having the main characters change around with each case. And here’s where I present a cool potential AA7 structure in which this all plays out well and in a unique way that the AA series hasn’t really done before. 
We have a game with 5 cases presumably. Have each case from 1 to 4 all be happening at roughly the exact same time. The reason why this is possible is because it happens to turn out that each individual case is being worked by a different group of characters in the series. This is where the fun part comes into play. Now, we can group off our existing characters into fun little group scenarios. We can have the dream team of Kay and Maya working together in Case 1 for example (because for some reason or other, the plot causes them to be roped together). Then Case 2 can be the adorable combo between Miles and Trucy (because honestly I can never get enough of the interactions between these two for soem reason). You can have a third case where Sebastian ends up getting adopted by the Wright Anything Agency and must wokr alongside them in a fun, comedic twist. Essentially you get the point, the potential is limitless and this way in each case from 1 to 4, you get a different cool/funny/unique combo of people which works in both the sense that you get to see old characters returning, and also new interactions that you never realised you wanted. 
And by using this premise, it deals with the issue of having too many main characters to work with. There won’t be a specific main character in this game but rather each case leaves a specific set of characters their own time to shine! We can avoid the horrible issue of your favourite old character coming back to only get a shitty cameo (looking at you klavier...), and avoid the problem of making the story clunky with too many characters at once by spliting them off intot heir own groups per case. 
- The final 5th case shall be the combining case! It’s obviously clear that the best final cases in AA are usually the ones that use the previous 4 cases in some way or other so that it all connects in a way that feels satisfying. Well, that should also be the same for the finale of AA7. Assuming that all the first 4 cases are being held by different groups of characters at the same time, the player should slowly realise that bits and pieces of each of these four cases actually have certain things connecting them together losely. It is in the 5th and final trial however that you’re able to put everything together and see that the four initial cases were part of this final larger mystery in the very final case. This is of course the final case in which then every group of each individual case comes back together, so you’ll have the full cast all working to solve this one last case.
The only problem I can really see in this case is that now that all parties from each case are together, and all ultiamtely working on this final case, it could very easily get cluncky with the amount of characters the plot will have to deal with. The only way I can really see this being solved is if we go back to say Phoenix as the main character and all the other characters now go back to supporting characters for this last case BUT they still all hold one major piece of evidence or come up with some idea that affects the case in one way or another so that each and every character is still important to the final case in some way. Metaphorically this could also work really well for a very final AA case in the series altogether as it represents every main character Phoenix had ever met in the series all coming back to help him one last time in this absolute final huge case. I hoenstly think it would be such a wholesome ending but thats just me haha...
- So yknow how I mentioned that cases 1 to 4 will actually be happening somewhat simultaneously? I thoguht this would be a cool spin on solving the case because this way, while each case is happening you can get cameos from characters in Case 1 for example, quickly going to characters in Case 2 to grab something or get some help briefly which then can be seen in the second case, and have situations where characters influence each others cases that are currently happening in cool unique ways. This kind of storytelling is a bit of a stretch because it would definitely be harder to write, but if something like this were made, it’d defintiely keep things fresh and very much entertaining for the player. 
OK SO I think I basically got everything I wanted out which ended up being a lot more than i thought whoopss... BUT essetnially rather than being AA7 i guess this is my vision for an ideal AA game that I’d love to see in the future, probably as the last game now that I think about it, and the final picture can be one huge photoshoot of ALL the characters. Now that would be sick.... (ALSO sidenote, if this was really my ideal game i’d honestly throw in Wrightworth as a side plot the entire time, just subtly inserted in there and maybe a photo collage at the end of the game with one of the photos being a wrightworth marriage haha omg)
ANYWAY, hope you enjoy my little(big) rant.
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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.
Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.
They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.
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“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”
Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever 
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Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.
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Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit
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“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”
well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone
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“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”
yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.
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To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.
I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.
Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.
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Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(
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...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time. 
They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.
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Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.
Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.
...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T
Oh well. At least they got something right.
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it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys
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I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs 
[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.
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...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...
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Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour. 
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...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it. 
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Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.
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SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE
nice ankles, ms skye.
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“Ema..?”
“Use some manners, we’re in court”
thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/
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whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.
or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.
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“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on 
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haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.
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pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?
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y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.
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has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.
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i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......
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“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”
anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.
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oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?! 
and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this
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“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”
they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder. 
OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.
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every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.
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alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.
Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.
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“Wimperson”
ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.
...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!
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seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.
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“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”
“he said so”
THATS. NOT EVIDENCE. 
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oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable 
(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)
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seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case. 
i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3
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um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.
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“Don’t tell me!”
“Oh, but I will anyway.”
I love Apollo so, so much.
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so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??
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“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”
he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.
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fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.
...but maybe........
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what the fuck
Atishon has the same birthday as my dad
DISGUSTING
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oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal
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i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers
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“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”
I'm wheezing
this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected
please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now
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i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.
HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.
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its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.
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“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”
judgeyyyyyyyyy
im crying
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ema: can i fuck off now
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“lets get more info on the crystal”
FINALLY. thank you, athena.
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NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT
PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.
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“back in the old country”
...england..?
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pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready
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“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”
well thats a big fat lie because
A) Kurain village is build on mediums
B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler
we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.
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“One Ives Shineto”
ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE  oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee
also whats that pun
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FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT
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“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”
i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.
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i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.
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“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”
No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?
I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.
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i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.
that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out. 
...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.
Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?
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Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!
i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.
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Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.
>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.
Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA. 
Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you. 
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“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”
All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!
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wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.
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theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL.  THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.
Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.
BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.
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...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever
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ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.
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“Try me, o lord of plebs”
its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.
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i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”
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why the fuck did he 
fall asleep what
OOO THE JUDGE YELL 
AW YEA
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“What did I ever do to deserve this?”
you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.
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No.............
I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”
You know who uses phrases like that.
Assholes.
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“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”
( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)
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...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.
Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom 
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Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.
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“Better brace yourself, son”
Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.
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“Worried this might make a rift between you two...
...and that you might then leave the agency”
haha
“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”
hahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
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“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”
Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.
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SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR
robot guy
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i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.
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hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...
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HOLY SHIT MISSILES
SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??
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hang on.
“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”
is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.
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ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???
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“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”
hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.
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“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”
...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.
hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.
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those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.
...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........
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“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”
Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.
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ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.
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“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”
Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.
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i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’
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“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”
Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?
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Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting. 
Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.
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I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.
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pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.
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Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.
Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...
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its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.
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Huh. 
HUH.
So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?
:T
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DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME
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that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out
“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
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actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.
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S––
Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.
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Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now
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ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.
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i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal
unless its
whitcrystal
hahah
hahahahahahahhaha
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so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller. 
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sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb
“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”
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damn shit thats her face
thats uh
o
ohhhh
oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.
not bad, not bad at all.
i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed
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“The issue is crystal clear”
*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*
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dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.
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oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.
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Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.
Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!
[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”
???: Phoenix... Just give it up.
[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]
/...i wish.
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legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling
this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen
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“What’s gotten into him?”
bad writing.
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sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI
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(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!
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y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.
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noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck
i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.
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it has rounded corners.
and its huge.
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phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.
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“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”
well........ not “many”
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i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.
Thats. kinda terrifying.
...though considering the way Kurain is...
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i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)
i never know whose objecting 
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Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!
...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??
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“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”
he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.
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“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”
yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.
..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair
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a 3D crimscene view
haven't seen that shit since AAAJ
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‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”
sorry i just felt like being vulgar
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“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”
holy shit
i love apollo
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phoenix shut up please, just shut up
let it end
let me rest
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oh wait
ah here we go.
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“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”
hey, uh Enshiro
ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth
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“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”
no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna
“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”
FUCK
YOU
DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!
HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU 
YOU
YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!
-
Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell. 
I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.
-
“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”
i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:
when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting
i mean
nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????
-
what the fuck is his deal with being king
-
OH SHUT UP DURKE 
GO FUCK YOURSELF
think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no
you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.
-
“he’s saved my neck so many times”
w
when
-
“where there’s a will, there’s a way”
how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?
-
“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”
aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.
-
...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND
anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen
-
OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL
WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID 
-
WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL
THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN 
GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG
-
“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”
um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????
you FUCKING MORONS
-
why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.
-
...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation 
-
YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY
END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI
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“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”
wow
-
...what the fuck
well that was... interesting.
-
i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired
there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted 
-
yay we got the orb
dootdootdoot dootdootdoot
-
even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.
im right there with ya judgey
-
“All I can say is, thats my boy!”
NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID
HES NOT YOUR BOY
YOU BARELY RAISED HIM
GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP
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“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”
if only you actually were, Apollo
-
yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.
“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy
-
i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”
its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger
pfffff
-
its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO 
-
"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”
uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway
-
christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig
-
see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.
-
and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.
till next time.
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“at least the jury is still out on that one, so to speak”
so to speak is right, phoenix :T
-
“I WANTED TO KILL YOU. WAAHHHH”
ok rayfa. easy there.
-
aw. the dad is so strong that he cant even bear to see the murder brat sad. 
hdgdhfgh im gonna die he’s trying to cheer her up by acting like the bad guy
at the risk of sounding tumblry, phoenix wright is a cinnamon roll, to pure or whatever 
-
...is this kooraheen’s ‘happy people’?
.....i don't like it
-
ahlbi doesn’t get to be an assistant but he does get to carry all my unwanted crap!
-
“first the high priest, and then his disciple! maya fey will pay for this!”
ah yes, she’ll pay for killing off people we recently proved to be dangerous insurgents. 
-
WHOA OK GRAPHIC 
-
well ok there’s no possible way Maya could have killed him that night.
“they think she came down the stairs and stabbed him” yes in front of 200 praying people. no, they weren't looking up but probably the sound of a knife being driven into flesh and also footsteps may have alerted them???
-
rayfa wants to know how a time of death is determined, not for real... but because she wants to know what the idiot groundlings believe ?
either she’s an idiot and she doesn’t realize its completely legitimate, or the writers are still trying to make fun of religion via the “science and religion don't mix” joke which quite frankly is getting REALLY TIRESOME
-
ok... well I'm not scientific expert but doesn’t the body eventually reach a steady temperature? how could you determine how long the body took to cool down if it was cooled down for a long enough period of time? also, it was really cold on that mountain. 
something tells me this will be useful later.
-
again capcom, pointing out how unlikely your plot is doesnt make it better. it makes it worse.
-
“I will curse you and your disciples for eight generations!”
I'm pretty sure apollo and the series has already been cursed, mrs. inmee.
-
every time she kisses his picture i cry 
-
Zehlot arrived at the same time as Maya, but Mrs. Inmee is more inclined to believe that Maya is a murderer? I mean yes she supposedly killed off the other two, but jeez. Talk about favouritism. 
-
they let us check out the trash again... simply for a joke about phoenix digging through trash. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
-
katchu-dehmal, eh? Pokémon gonna sue 
-
hey um mrs. inmee
you've got a little something on your wrist...............
-
“Puhray always prayed a lot”
the terrible naming convention just makes that sound incredibly stupid
-
“She may say these terrible things, but it was just the way she was raised, I guess”
um... a lesson in tolerance i guess
-
“I didn’t know him very well”
you didnt know the guy you stayed with for two years?? man i guess Puhray really did pray the most.
-
i love that theyre mentioning ramen and burgers
and also that phoenix is offering to buy for maya
its the little things that make this game liveable 
-
everybody loves steel samurai!!!
-
“Whooops... its coming undone... WHOA!”
yes, it is indeed a very sexy picture. nice legs.
-
“tentacled hag frog”
what is this, last airbender??
-
“a spirit’s memory is cut off at the moment of death”
well of course. that’s how Mia was able to come to court knowing what was going on and being able to set phoenix on the right direction!
genius retcon there, guys. I guess that’s why Mia doesn’t make a comeback in this game :/
-
“helped neighbouring countries seek counsel”
actually thats an interesting callback to the original games where they state that before DL-6, Misty and Kurain village were famous for helping out people in high places. this i do not mind so much.
... though i doubt this would prevent you being invaded, Kooraheen. Also considering she mentions ‘keeping their unique culture’ as an aside to that fact, and the fact that a lot of this fictional country is based off of Tibet... Ouch.
-
“ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”
hey, there’s that ol’ Khumerican spirit!
-
“so the queen can perform the dance of devotion? that’d be a sight to see”
Phoenix stop imaging the queen in a mini skirt.
-
“theres no reason to panic, the police are on his trail”
the police that let him run on foot out of a crowded courtroom. 
id say you can panic now.
-
in exchange for his visual youthfulness, phoenix has physically aged considerably.
meanwhile, Gregory Edgeworth was rocking major wrinkles at 35 and he was fit as a fiddle.
Oh Capcom, when will your beauty-based cruelty end??
-
are we legit going to search for Datz
-
ok now i rly wanna hear what a Warb’aad sounds like.
-
further proof that phoenix is a huge carnivore. i am pleased.
-
boy kooraheen isn't very accessible is it. stairs everywhere
-
i love that no matter where he is, phoenix is always buying food for children.
-
alright enough fun stuff. into the absurdly spacious sewer we go!
-
I'm legitimately laughing my ass off why is it so funny that Ahlbi didn’t know his dog could track scents????
-
AAA WE’RE IN
WE’RE IN A FUCKIN SEWER
IM YELLIN
-
...oh my god no... i stg... dont you dare 
OH GOD 
OHHH GOD 
fuck....
i dont know who’s stupider: the rebels or the police
-
he... can eat... an entire apple... that is half the size of his face... in one bite.
this, truly, is a man to be feared
ranger hobo, your new nickname is Potential Vore Machine
-
>phoenix likes apples
further proof he is a good boy
-
wow thats even worse
i thought they’d just put their base in the sewers, but no; their base is an OLD LAW OFFICE AKA THE FIRST PLACE YOU’D LOOK FOR LAWYER REBELS
again, not sure who’s stupider: the rebels, or the police?
-
“public enemy #1 is a lawyer? didnt see that coming”
clearly you expect more from this game, phoenix
-
“Im gonna sell out my best friend!”
>doubt
-
OH OK NEVER LOOK SURPRISED AGAIN CLOSE YOUR VORE MOUTH JESUS CHRIST
-
if he wasnt a rebel anymore he'd have kicked your ass since youre a lawyer, phoenix. its not that hard to put together that he’s lying. ...for some reason. 
-
LAME. YOU cant show him your badge??? bullshit.
-
fucking christ even when he whistles his mouth is larger than it should be. 
-
he really is rebel!larry isn’t he
-
so Dhurke has a power glare, huh? 
GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH
-
“is this a law book? the dragon’s mark has been branded onto the cover...”
pfffttt edgy 
-
hmm. must be a new law-book if the defence culpability act is in it, since if i remember correctly that law was only recently introduced.
-
i love that Dhurke’s shit is just everywhere in this stupid house
-
...no way is he actually doing to
i...
like
i can’t even say punk’d. Phoenix, why would you try on a jacket that once belonged to a rebel leader while inside a rebel base that you’re not even sure is friendly to you? 
like i 
sense of preservation just goes out the window at the idea of looking cool?? actually to be fair that kind of makes sense for Phoenix so 
phoenix you should take it home and get it dry-cleaned.
-
“hmm this is an old photo...” says phoenix looking at a photo that’s as bright and shiny as the day it was taken. also he correctly guesses that it was taken 20 years ago based on... what evidence??
actually if he actually acknowledged that thats OBVIOUSLY APOLLO THERE then he’d have an actual metric to go by but NOPE! just bullshit magic deductions!
-
yeah or Nahyuta’s pulling a long game and you assholes are too impatient 
i cant believe I'm defending sadmad :/
-
WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU TELLING ME....... THAT KID WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE APOLLO....... IS APOLLO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
-
somehow Datz carried Phoenix through a tiny trapdoor and into this room huh
-
yay psyche locks!
-
YES!!!! YEEEEES!!! I GOT TO PRESENT MY BADGE
Soj... you may not be... completely horrible.
-
yeah phoenix, he was going to stab you if he thought you were on the side of the Queen
feel even stupider about that jacket now?
-
“Keera was working with the government the whole time?!”
well i mean what other motivation would they have? even if they were doing it for religious reasons that still lines up with the government’s intentions. 
this whole thing has a blacklisting smell on it too.
-
“a lawyer killed the queen, so the public turned against lawyers”
if that was how things worked, America would loath actors. 
-
“why does he have to jump like that before running off”
cause he’s a cartoon character 
-
“Well I guess we’re friends now”
oh phoenix 
my lonely baby
-
also where the fuck is Shah’do? That dog is a better policeman than every official in Kooraheen.
and i love that nobody notices people entering and exiting a sewer in broad daylight.  
-
well that was exactly where i thought it was
-
WOW GOOD GOING PHOENIX YOU DUMBFUCK
“HURRRHH I THINK ILL GO FIDN TH  SOOPER SECRET REBEL BASE WITH THE FUCKING PRINCESS IN-TOW. GENIUS!!!!”
OH YES, AND THEN TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. AND THEN LET HER COME INSIDE WITH YOU WITHOUT THE INTENT TO SHUT HER UP
BRILLIANT!!
PHOENIX WRIGHT, TRULY THE REBEL’S GREATEST ALLY.
-
ohhhhHHHHHhhhh
well well well well well well
this is interesting
-
“I think I’ll take a picture of this super secret rebel base”
hhhnnngghhhh
-
search every nook and cranny eh
-
“if the rebellion ever happens, i hope its bloodless”
while that’s sweet of you phoenix, you can count on it now, sincE YOU’VE REVEALED THE SOURCE OF THEIR WEAPONRY TO THE ENEMY
-
“What’s this? A bloodstain?”
Hope it is not Chris’ bloodstain...
-
CURSED NOISE
CURSED NOISE
TURN IT OFF!!!
-
this is where capcom hides characters they don’t like
Klavier is somehwere in this room....... festering
-
well we’ve come to the end of another investigation 
tbh I'm starting to get into the storyline, though it still doesn’t feel like an Ace Attorney game
it’s more like... it’s like someone took their Ace Attorney AU and made an entire game about it. It’s got some cool points to it, but all in all, it just doesn’t... fit, I guess?
Oh well. onto trial #2 and saving Maya’s butt once again
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MAYA I TRUSTED YOU
WHAT WOULD WILL POWERS SAY
ok he'd probably be like ‘hehe; guess I'm falling further into obscurity thats cool i was never amazing in the first place’
-
“theres only one!”
...that is rare
-
“i traded my watch to my kooraheenese friend! it plays the steel samurai theme when it goes off!”
I SMELL A CHEKOVS GUN
-
“it sounds just like the steel samurai theme”
“no it doesn't!”
mayas right, it doesn't sound like the steel samurai's theme. 
it sounds BAD.
seriously i feel like my soul is physically rejecting it 
-
put your arms akimbo at me again young lady and ill push you into your magic soul pool.
-
“that whole séance thing makes trials completely different”
meh
speaking of trials, we’re back to trials! ya–– i dont want to deal with nahyuta
-
“you have to pitch your terrible crossover!! i won't let you down”
as much as i disapprove of the crossover let it be known that phoenix is a sweetie pie.
-
“The sacred murder dagger was used to murder someone?!?!??! BLASPHEMY!!!”
-
“The lowest level of hell; the Hell of Tickling” IM KINKSHAMING KOOORAHEENISM
-
“They shall not escape on their /redtext/ Freedom Express today!”
she did it yaaaaayy!
-
U R DIARHOEA!!! KOORAHEEN!!!
well i
i cant argue....
-
oh god no t voice acting again
-
LOL YOU CAN SKIP IT AHAHHAHHA
AND THE DANCE TOO HJDSJSFAKJ
guess its not *that* important eh
-
the entire court just called phoenix a shithead. 
i mean people say “Polkhunka” when theyre surprised, and the term is “polkhunan”. so yeah. either hellion, or shithead. nice.
-
phoenix: this makes no sense 
me: ooh i cant wait for the bullshit excuse!! 
-
Well ill be damned to tickle-hell. Rayfa’s a television aerial. 
-
oh i see how they did that. i guess spirit visions have steady-cam?
-
.........he ran right into it
dude why 
-
i just love this. “yes he ran directly at the killer, to fight them! with his arms flailing in terror!! it might look stupid and fake but actually it’s kooraheen’s biggest martial art, RonDeliteFu!”
-
every time Rayfa does her hand-flinging-out pose i mistake her sash for a stick and i keep thinking she’s a muppet 
-
“we can’t let the special fires go out, so we make sure to remove the glass around them every year on top of a window mountain so that a woman can um...... walk around it i guess.”
-
i hate to admit it but these stupid pond vision things are really stumping my blind ass
-
i stg pohlkunka is the stupidest sounding made-up expletive ive ever heard
id rather heard cowabunga every time something shocking happens for godssakes
-
“wow he really does care about ema”
hey show dont tell lol
“i cant believe he's come to understand their value”
uhhh well
they stated that they still hold investigations despite their magic pool parties, so uhhhhhhh yeah???? forensic investigators are usually pretty helpful??
-
since Sadmad’s catchphrase appears to be ‘putrid’, i keep reading ‘purification rite’ as ‘putrification rite’
-
i cant believe they did a “what if... (EXTREME CLOSE UP ZOOM) PLOT TWIST?!”
-
STOP SAYING PUTRID
-
oh hey its dirty hobo man! ...also i guess the ‘sexy pan up shot’ is for every new character :/
-
hobo rangers go...
-
...Nahyuta named him A’nohn Ihmus. A’nohn Ihmus.
Well that just cements my idea that Kooraheenians are just a bunch of Americans that stole a landmass and made up a phony baloney culture. 
It has been confirmed that they are legitimately just taking english words and ‘kooraheenifying’ them.
-
“i used my binoculars to spy on the rite at the inner sanctum”
A’nohn is just as perverted as his namesake from Tuhmbl’r
-
“Feh. I knew you were a fool...” 
Cue Franziska crashing her plane into the court room to yank on Sadmad’s braid to scold him for taking her word.
-
“shall be reborn as a witless sea urchin with barbs limited to your posterior”
ok well sadmad, sea urchins asses are next to their mouths... on the bottom of them. completely opposite to the, uh, you know. Spiky part.
So I’m not sure if that serves to strengthen your point or just make you look like a moron
i mean i guess it served to enhance sadmad’s point since phoenix’d be totally smooth and unprotected, but then he wouldn’t even reach adulthood so that sea otter wouldn’t come in too early and...
...he just said phoenix will be reborn as not only mentally slow but also physically deformed.
...uh... nice one, sadmad.
-
AND MAYA PULLED A REACHAROUND ON THE PRIEST 
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FROM THE HOLY MONK, GUYS
-
to be fair, she could have stabbed him with a reverse-grip or not; one doesn’t have to hold their hand at any particular to perform a reach around 
-
oh well at least the contradiction is incredibly obvious 
-
at least hobo ranger has an excuse to use words like “bucko”
-
i hate that,,,, theres a rule against climbing the mountains during the rite. that means that there have been perverts of yore who tried to spy on the lady changing 
-
hes gonna see her shad–– (sigh)
yknow, i dont think shadows are detailed enough to know which way someone is holding a knife.
also moonlight isn't that bright 
-
DWAAYYYYMMMN
sasquatch’d!!
-
ok so... does happiraki mean “hello” or “hooray!” because its been used it both contexts 
-
i just realized that the Plumed Punisher theme song sounds like one of those posts where someone takes a recognizable song and fucks with it in a silly way, like pitch shifting it at awkward moments or changing the key
-
i cannot believe i have to use a fucking walkthrough for this game. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm better than this.
-
“no one was allowed in there and the only way up were the stairs!”
ah yes, the unguarded stairs surrounded by people who had their heads down. in prayer.
totally impenetrable. 
-
“What?! This is insane!!” no no, phoenix, youre doing it wrong. you have to say “this”, then sadmad has to say “is” and then the judge has to yell “insaaaaane!!” because its funny when one person says one word of a sentence each!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
‘rah rah sis boom bah, fight, fight, phoenix wright!!”
um excuse me maya who gave you the right to be cute
-
why does sadmad only have one hand-guard-glove thingy
-
“my bag of bluffs” is an interesting and long way to say “ass”
-
they put... a maximum security prison... on top of their holy mountain. they put their criminals... on top of their. holy mountain.
they put a jail. in a church. in fact they put it higher up... closer to... god. 
what the fuck. the fourth one. only accessible by helicopter.
who was smoking what when they decided this???
-
(sigh) mmmmm id been waiting to use that patchwork quilt
-
“hell of hangnails”
not as fetishy but still pretty–– actually you know what that sounds kinda fucked up. isn't that just kinda G rated torture anyway 
-
wow that incredibly obvious lie deserves the terrible pursuit theme??
maybe its the last one (i hope)
-
“are you the rebel hunter!!??!?!?!??”
um well no, unless the rebel hunter is a criminal. jackass.
-
...cutting dirty deals with criminals, are we, sadmad?
-
“haha, the fact that the third person at the scene was a wanted criminal destroys your theory that it was the rebel hunter Keera that killed the high priest!!”
...wow... gosh i was wrong... and the fact that a wanted criminal was actually at the scene... doesn’t help me at all... because once i said that one person didi it, it couldn’t possibly be someone else... oh no... i guess it was Maya who did it... for reals... not the.... wanted criminal....
-
...hang on, his little power rangers dance was the defiant dragons dance? how... did nobody notice this?? sadmad really was colluding with criminals wasn’t he. gosh. what a trustworthy guy.
-
phoenix: oh no!! his testimony was a lie!!
oh no! the testimony that did nothing but damage your case was a lie!!! 
??????
-
sadmad: get him!
hobo ranger: (does a little hop and daintily scurries off)
sadmad: ... (takes a good five leisurely seconds to stop the background music) put everyone on high alert. i want everyone after that guy
that guy who just. skipped out of a courtroom. past hundreds of crazy people and several bailiffs. 
haha... the kooraheenes police. to quote phelous... THEY’RE THE BEST!
-
“what was the point of all that, anyway?”
search me, phoenix.
“well, i cant help but feel that entire episode was an enormous waste of time”
hey capcom? hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t make it better. it just amplifies how much it sucks.
-
“yes! i recognized that piece of paper because it looks exactly like the piece i have! thats covered in blood and unrecognizable!!!”
...nice
OH AND ITS THE PERFECT FIT TO COVER THE BLOODSTAIN WELL ISNT THAT JUST FUCKIN SERENDIPITOUS 
-
“the ignorant lawyer has not bothered to learn out language??”
well A) he's not an international attorney, B) he was on vacation, not studying abroad, and C) fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. you’re all speaking english all the time anyway, you bunch of fuckin phoneys 
-
i stg sadmad if you say putrid one more time i’ll cram a rotten egg down your pasty white gullet and show you the meaning of the word 
-
“the criminal could have only escaped if the high priest helped him out, so why would he kill him?”
hey sadmad? remember that thing about using your putrid brain? yeah, doesn’t take too big a leap to realize that you might’ve just proved phoenix’s ‘idiot theory’ right. maybe the priest um... was a rebel??? who was going to do just that??? and the rebel killer offed his sorry ass?
perhaps, o foolish prosecutor, you should think before you open your rancid lips... lo, in your ignorance, you will be cast down to the hell of those who are kind of stupid....... the hell of perpetual fart smell. there you shall inhale the decomposing winds of ten thousand and one accursed mihtama, while fart fetishists gaze on in envy... 
oh wow i didnt even need to go on that spiel, he just admitted it straight up. but yeah, apparently when Lady Kee’ra impersonator kills a rebel, it’s A-OK. But when Maya kills a rebel, well, fuck, she’s a foreign bitch, execute her!!
also the way he said it seems to imply that he knew all along so uh
maybe people should start suspecting this guy. he seems to... know a lot of rebel criminals.
-
every time sadmad shakes his head i wanna break his neck
man i remember being annoyed at edgeworth in the first game and wanting to hop my desk and rough him up, but never wanting to physically maim or kill him. you suck, sadmad. 
-
WE GOT IT, FOLKS!! WE GOT THE ASSAULT!! IT’S UM, IT’S SUPERNATURAL FORCE ASSAULT THIS TIME. 
FUCK BIRDS AND SWORDS, I GUESS? ACTUAL MAGIC IS THE WAY TO GO?
hey sadmad; tickling? bondage? can we... keep that out of the courtroom please?
also “oh no! i can’t point my finger!!” phoenix cries, forgetting that he has two arms. i guess capcom won’t spring for more than one sprite tho haha
-
“the keera we saw was the statue draped in the sacred robes!”
with a... knife sticking out, apparently. ok..?
also gosh, maya’s really fast, tiptoeing around the abbot, draping the costume just so, then tiptoeing back around? like lightning she is!!
-
he just cut off his own theme song.
-
“she used her fiendish tricks to fool the court room”
which didn’t work at all if you remember the beginning of this court so fuck you?
-
“she sought to use the divination seance to mislead us!”
good going, pointing out an absolutely massive flaw in your country’s legal system, sadmad.
-
i cant believe we had a flashback for absolutely no other reason than Sadmad to gloat. I FILE FOR A MISTRIAL ON GROUNDS OF MISUSE OF FLASHBACKS.
-
please oh god just let it end i dont have enough space in my stomach for any more ulcers
i can’t stand hearing him say let it go one more time please I'm begging you
-
oh no... phoenix has failed... he’s going to die... it’s really going to happen...
just get to the surprise witness or whatever already
-
oh thank god. love you, headband guy
-
“the dagger bears the finger prints of maya fey!”
wow. the police suck major ass at catching running people, but their finger print checking speed is second-to-none. ...either that or they waited a while before telling people about a dead body.......
-
oh gosh!!! its totally maya!!! she arrived 2 years ago and so did lady keera and 
yeah no. it’s not her. 
but even if it was, kinda awkward there, sadmad? she’s um. kind of a hero to you.
-
i dont get it why is everyone freaking out. i thought the keera impersonator was considered some kind of vigilante hero? why is it suddenly bad when they “find out” it’s maya? is it because she isn't kooraheenees?
I'm honestly really confused. everyone was rooting for the masked defender one moment, but now that its maya, it’s murder?? 
seriously what the fuck. like the gallery was legit going “ah!! lady keera has come back to save us from the rebels!”
and then its like “its not divine its some foreign bitch in a cloak” and now its like SERIAL KILLER. also, nice. we’ve never been allowed another day in court because there was a second charge racked up. awesome. (with the possible exception of Ron Delite, tho he was changing his charge)
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sadmad can go choke on his own braid and the gallery can lick their own hypocritical asses. i can’t believe i stayed up till 2 am to finish this section.
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