#but have plans in the back burner that he wants use ethan for or whatever

[transbibennyweir]

thinking about how in the last eps ethan was the one to get jesse for help and everyone was like Why Him but ethan really thought jesse would be useful enough to help them out..... maybe i’m forgetting a plot point but why did ethan trust him? if season three happened would it be ethan that thinks maybe jesse could change for the better? like i’m really interested in their character dynamic and how it would evolve after the final esp with what everyone else would think

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 3.11 - The Lies We Tell review

So why does my babies playing tennis and arguing over who won just make me so happy! Like legit the first 2 minutes of this episode might be my favorite part of it. Higgy in her little dress and Magnum looking fine and them just being adorable and bantering! Just warms the heart after what feels like forever without any Miggy!

Also what is this thing Juliet does with her hand and why is it turning me on more than my last boyfriend?

We have the case of the week: Lady whose boyfriend she witnessed being killed but she failed to call the police because she’s married.

Magnum and Higgins are both a little shook by this. Don’t lie, Thomas, your first thought was “what the heck?” too.

But Magnum gets on the “save the woman in distress” bandwagon and we’re off to the races. Juliet is a little less happy about it and frankly, I gotta admit I agree with Higgy here.

“The right thing to do would have been not planning to cheat on her husband.”

I mean I see Magnum's point to and I feel kinda bad for the lady - she didn't sign up to witness a murder - but I am also a little confused by her actions.

Why not just buy a burner phone - the very same night she witnessed the murder - and call it in? Or just block her number and call the cops? Or a payphone?(do those still exist?) Why go to a PI? Two days later?

Whatever. I guess it's because else we'd have no morally ambiguous case for Magnum and Higgy to have tense different feelings about. The question is, did we need that this week?

Because of what we're getting with the Rick/ Icepick side plot I feel like maybe this week's case could have been a little bit lighter. Miggy could have spent the episode arguing about the tennis match or something much more trivial. Their case could have been one slightly more uplifting or just basic: maybe a missing designer handbag or stolen tablet or key card.

So on to the (very sad) side plot which almost is the main one this week. Rick is trying to see Icepick at the prison and finds out he’s sick(er) and in the hospital. Even though Icepick had caused not just Rick but the whole gang quite some trouble and isn’t exactly the best of guys, the whole plotline was really sad and heartbreaking.

(TC being there for Rick gives me life!)

I think we can all identify with having someone we love be sick and how hard that is to come to terms with. Especially when it’s someone we had mixed feelings for and wasn’t always fantastic or stand up but still were there for us and was important.

(At least I can, which is maybe why I had lots of not super good feels for this whole episode)

IDK. Icepick’s death and Rick’s reaction to the whole thing was really amazing. In a sad and sob-worthy way. TC being there and the whole gang toasting him at the end. That's the kind of wholesome content I'm here for. I'm still sad though.

And I think it has as much to do with the case this week as Icepick's death.

Because this case was really depressing: a woman’s lover got killed and she, not wanting to lose everything, didn’t call the police. Only as it turns out her dead lover was an evil blackmailer. And further making it worse one of his earlier blackmail victim's husband sent goons that accidentally killed him and he then turned around and is re-blackmailing all the women?

Come on!

I'm losing faith in humanity here!

This is Magnum PI. Where are the puppies and rainbows and happy endings?

I really didn't like anyone. Honestly, I didn't care at all if Lena and her husband figured things out or if he just divorced her at the end. Because what did it all matter after all the crazy that just went down?

I mean we did get Magnum telling Lena:

"Maybe you don't have to move on. Maybe you just have to move forward."

Which is what Higgy really has needed to hear all episode. So that's nice. I guess.

(But couldn't they have found a better way to have Juliet deal with her angsty Richard moving on feels? This episode wasn't what I wanted when I asked the universe for that!)

There is a soft Miggy moment I quite enjoyed at the end.

I mean I LOVE the whole "Richard would want you to be happy" moment. Because it's so great to have them just talk and be there for each other and her actually sharing with him why she's been so upset.

BUT this too also so freaking sad because she's all "I think I already have fallen (for Ethan)" and Magnum face is all "I'm happy for her, I'm happy for her, I'm happy for her (but why is my heart breaking at the same time?)"

So yeah. I guess this week's review is... this episode mostly made me sad.

Sure, it had its fun moments, the tennis bit was lovely, and the Icepick bit heart-wrenching in the best possible way.

Kind of a good episode but not one I will want to go back and really re-watch (even if I did for this review). Because as much as some seriousness is needed, this was just a little too much of it for me, personally. I needed something lighter to go with Icepick's death. Or something lighter to go with the dead-lover-blackmailer plot. The two were just too much together.

That's it.

(Point for the episode title though, it really freaking works because everyone's just lying both actual lying and feeling-lying to themselves.)

Next week's promo looks promising. Magnum and Higgins kick butt like they do, working a case of the week! Old trouble coming back to haunt TC? Also, there is going to be a doggo? I'm here for that!

[brywrites]

Sweet Sixteen

It’s @goldenalvez‘s birthday today and I wrote this a while back after hearing B said she didn’t have a sixteenth birthday party. I hope your day is joyful and that you never doubt how loved you are! Summary: Luke x Reader. In which Garcia learns the Reader never had a big birthday party and decides it’s time to change that.

-----

“Y/N!” Garcia calls, running into the kitchenette impressively fast for someone in stiletto heels. “Luke said you didn’t want a birthday party! This has to be a complete and utter falsehood, so I immediately came to get the truth from you!”

Y/N raises her eyebrows, trying not to spill the coffee she’s pouring into a mug. “Why would my boyfriend lie about that?” she asks, laughing. “I’m not really one for birthday parties,” she admits. “I haven’t had one in ages.”

“Not even when you turned twenty-one? Or sixteen?” Reid asks. “Outside of bat and bar mitzvahs, those are the two most widely celebrated years for birthdays in American culture and tend to be seen as major milestones.”

She shakes her head and sets the pot of medium roast back on the burner. “Of course you would know that. No, I didn’t do anything. When I was young I would have parties and eventually people just stopped showing up. It hurt more than not celebrating at all, so by the time I was sixteen I’d kind of just given up on all that. But I mean, it’s not like you had a big celebration either, right?”

Reid considers this as he pours his own coffee. “Well, by the time I was sixteen I was about to graduate college and most of the way through my first doctoral dissertation. I hadn’t planned on doing anything, but Ethan was at CalTech at that point too. He and my advisor got some of the graduate students in my cohort together and surprised me. It wasn’t anything big but it was the first time I’d celebrated my birthday with someone other than my mom. Ethan’s boyfriend made a cake and my advisor pretended not to notice when the grad students broke out the wine and let me have some.” He turns to look at her. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes it’s nice to share that moment with people. To let them celebrate you.”

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying Boy Wonder!” Garcia chimes in. “And it’s no secret that I throw the best celebrations of all time, so it’ll be so much fun!”

“I love you both,” Y/N laughs. “But I really don’t need a pity party from my boyfriend’s team, okay? I just want to spend a quiet day at home with Luke and Roxy. But I need to get back to White Collar. My team has a con-man to catch and that data isn’t going to analyze itself.” She takes her coffee and walks down the hallway to her own office with its computer screens and maps. It’s true, she is looking forward to spending time with her favorite person and favorite non-person this weekend. But she also doesn’t want to go through the effort of planning a party only to be let down again. And though the BAU have become close friends since she and Luke began dating, it would still feel strange to be surrounded only by people she had met through him. But who else would even want to come?

Y/N shakes the thought from her head. She has a job to do. She refocuses on combing through emails and phone records. Agents from her own team come in and out of her office to ask questions or give her updates or stay and joke for a little while. She spends almost twenty minutes chatting with Darcy about the latest episode of The Bachelorette and joins both her and Marika for lunch in the courtyard. The day passes quickly and by the end of it, they’ve located their suspect in San Diego and agents at the local field office are poised to make the arrest over the weekend. It’s a job well-done, and her unit chief, Ahmed, stops by to thank her on her way out. She’s happy to see all their hard work pay off, but she is happier still to see Luke waiting for her by the elevator.

“We did it!” she tells him. “The case is closed!”

He grins and wraps her in a quick hug. “I knew you would. Now we have two things to celebrate this weekend.”

They step onto the elevator and she laces her fingers through his. “I don’t see why everyone makes such a big deal about birthdays. They’re just another day. They come every year.”

“Okay, okay, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” he relents. “I just want to make sure you know that if there is anything you want to do, your wish is my command.”

Y/N rests her head against his shoulder. He smells nice, his cologne a mix of tonka bean and spice and a hint of vanilla. It’s comforting and warm, just like him. He’s the one person who always makes her feel safe and at home. He drives back to their apartment where Roxy is all to eager to see them.

“Hello sweet girl,” Y/N coos, kneeling down to hug her after the Belgian Shepard nearly knocks over in her excitement. Roxy nuzzles against her shoulder, her tail sweeping back and forth. Luke feigns hurt at the affront of being greeted second. She takes Roxy out for a quick run around the block and returns to find Luke halfway through making dinner.

“Pastelón,” he explains. “It’s like… Puerto Rican lasagna. Plaintains, ground beef, cheese. It’s really good. My mom used to make it for my birthday.”

“Did you have traditions in your family for birthdays?” she asks. After six months together, there’s so much she’s still learning about him.

He shrugs. “We did when I was younger. My mom would cook dinner. If it was my dad’s birthday, she’d make flan, which I always hated. He would buy cheesecake for our birthdays. We’d invite our friends over and have a potluck party in the park across from the apartment. Tia Dolores next door made the best empanadas and my best friend’s dad used to grill plantains. My friends and I would run around the park and get into trouble. And every year we’d go around and everybody had to say one thing they loved about the person whose birthday it was.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“It was,” he says, putting the pastelón into the oven. “But after my dad left it was different.” This is a story she’s heard before – how his father had survived Vietnam but returned home from a brief deployment to Panama with a distant look that never quite went away. He didn’t know how to cope with the trauma and one day he just left. His dad had always been his hero and his mom’s hero – and so Luke had tried to be the same. Strong, reliable, brave. “It was hard for her. We stopped having all the neighbors over. But she always made pastelón, and she always told me what she loved about me.”

“I love that,” she says. Then, noticing the food on the counter she asks, “What are you going to do with all the leftovers there?”

Luke immediately returns to cutting plantains and beef. “I couldn’t make some for us and not give Roxy any.” She can’t help but giggle as his sincerity. Because of course he would make a special dish for her, too. That’s just who he is – he loves big and wide and without apology.

The next day, Luke is mercifully quiet about her birthday. He kisses her slowly when she wakes up and makes heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast, but doesn’t say a word. His smile tells her all she needs to her. He’ll make today about her without making a fuss. That’s all she could need.

But then she takes Roxy out for an afternoon jog, and when she returns the apartment looks completely different. String lights and streamers hang from the wall. Yellow paper flowers are carefully placed on tables and counters. The living room furniture has been rearranged to make extra space despite housing additional chairs from the kitchen.

Luke stands in the center of the living room wearing a burgundy shirt that she loves him in so much. The grin on his face is bashful, like she’s just caught him sneaking sweets from the pantry. “What’s going on?” she asks.

“I would just like to state for the record that this was not my plan, technically, and I was coerced under threat of serious bodily harm,” he says. There’s a knock at the door. Y/N shoots him a look, but he just holds his hands up in surrender, denying all responsibility for whatever is about to transpire.

She opens the door and comes face to face with her entire team. “Surprise!” they chorus.

“Wait, what?” She steps aside, completely stunned and they file into the apartment. “What are you doing here?” Ahmed is holding a plate of frosted cookies, Darcy and Marika both have well-wrapped presents tucked under their arms, and the rest of the White Collar Crimes unit look absolutely delighted to be there.

“You really thought none of us knew your birthday was coming up, Y/L/N?” Darcy asks. “We’re here to celebrate our favorite technical analyst, of course!”

“And one of our favorite people even if you weren’t our tech analyst,” Marika adds.

Before she can respond there’s another knock. Six of their neighbors are at the door this time, including the couple with the two twin boys who live above them, as well as her three former roommates. Everyone has some sort of food dish with them. And just when she thinks that they’ve never had this many people in their living room at once, the entire BAU shows up. Garcia holds a large frosted cake and a surprisingly large pink gift bag swings from her arm.

“Happy day of birth!” she declares, rushing in to set the cake down so she can hug Y/N.

“I don’t understand,” Y/N says. “I thought that-”

“You said you didn’t want a pity party,” Garcia interrupts. “This is not a pity party. This is a party of a bunch of people who love you and what to spend today with you.”

“But how did you do this?”

“I simply roped your beloved Newbie here into assisting me. He’s very good at keeping a secret you know.” Y/N glances back over at Luke, who smiles.

“Guilty as charged,” he admits. “I may have – under duress, of course – helped Penelope identify your closest friends and what their emails and social media accounts were. She sent out invitations and helped me set everything up.”

“We were cutting it a little bit close,” Garcia says, “since I only had twelve hours notice, but I think we pulled it off pretty well.”

So everyone here just showed up? With almost no heads up? She looks around the room at so many faces she’s come to know and love. “But why?” she asks.

Garcia’s face softens. “Because we love you, silly. I mean, everyone here does, clearly. A whole lot. And there were at least twelve more people I invited who couldn’t make but really wanted to be here. Expect emailed well-wishes from them soon.”

At a complete loss for words, she turns to Luke. He pulls her into a gentle embrace. “If you really don’t like parties, I promise to never do this again. But I want you to have one day where you feel special. I want you to know how much everyone here cares about you, and I want to celebrate the fact that you exist. Because I’m pretty happy that you were born today, and I’m even happier that you’re still here. I love you, Y/N. We all do.”

“I love you, too,” she says, fighting back tears. He kisses her forehead, and then all too soon she is being pulled away to socialize. Everyone seems so happy to see her. Everyone has kind things to say and jokes to tell and things to catch up on. There’s enough food to feed a small army, and soon everyone is eating and mingling and their apartment is filled with the pleasant sound of easy laughter and the thumping tail of a happy dog receiving all the attention she could dream of from Garcia and the two twin boys. They go through the ritual of lighting candles on Garcia’s giant pink cake and singing to Y/N, and for once she doesn’t hate it. She looks at the faces of all these people over the glow of the candles, singing to her just a bit out of tune, but looking at her with so much love. She closes her eyes and makes a wish and blows out the candles.

As Reid cuts the cake in the most mathematically equivalent ratio possible and Rossi helps hand it out, Luke pulls her aside. “I know that there’s some other gifts for you,” he explains, “but I helped put this one together, and it’s from all of us.” He hands her a small gift-wrapped rectangle and she opens it carefully. It’s a little salmon-colored notebook with her name on the front. Curious, she opens it, expecting to see blank pages. Instead, the pages are filled with handwritten notes that have been pasted onto them. There’s a note from every single person here, addressed to her. Some are shorter and others are longer, but every one appears to include what they most love about her. There are even a few typed ones that must have been printed out in advance. “Garcia and I made sure everybody signed it before they came, and we collected messages from your friends who couldn’t make it. I know it’s not anything fancy but-”

“Are you kidding?” she asks. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.”

He smiles, his brown eyes shining, and it makes her heart soar. How lucky is she to have someone that loves her this much? Who would move mountains – under duress, of course – to make her happy like this. “Well that’s not all,” he says. “This one is from me.” It’s not a wrapped gift, but a card with flowers and a cupcake with a heart on the front that says, Happy Sweet Sixteen!  

Y/N narrows her eyes in confusion. “Open it,” Luke insists. And so she does. It’s not a typical card – it has an extra page on the inside. And rather than a standard greeting card message, it is entirely covered in Luke’s handwriting. The 16 sweetest things about you, it reads at the top. It’s followed by a numbered list.

You’re the best listener. Anytime I need someone to talk to, you’re willing to sit with me. You pay attention to what people say and you are always happy to be a confidante and friend. I know I can trust you with anything.

You go out of your way to make people feel included.

You’re an exceptional kisser and I don’t have enough words to describe this because every time I kiss you I’m pretty sure my brain short-circuits.

You love well. There is always room in your heart for the people (and dogs) you meet and you always seem to know exactly what will make somebody feel loved when they need it most. You love me despite how much I love my dog.

You are the only person I love as much as I love my dog.

She looks up from the card, teary-eyed. “I can’t keep reading this or I’m going to cry,” she says.

“Well it’s your party, sweetheart” he chuckles. “You can cry if you want.”

She shakes her head. “Mm mm. Not today. Today I just want to be really really happy with the people who make really really happy.” Luke stands by her side as Garcia urges her to open gifts and eat cake with everyone. The frosting is nearly as delicious as the moment feels. Rossi brings out the wine and Y/N excitedly puts on the pair of earrings in Garcia’s large bag of gifts, which happen to be shaped like her favorite candy. And this, she thinks, is better than any party she could have dreamed of in the past. Maybe big parties aren’t always going to be her thing. And maybe birthdays don’t always need to be a huge deal. But it is nice – to be celebrated. To be reminded that she is incredibly loved, even when she herself doesn’t always realize it.

It’s the sweetest of days, and there’s no one else she would rather spend it with.

[youreobsessedwithciminalminds]

You Gave A Slap! (Part 2) (Criminal Minds x Reader)

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WARNING: cussing, talks of addiction, verbal abuse, slight physical abuse, talk of physical abuse, talk of a miscarriage, lying, talk of cheating

RATING: PG-13

This is sort of based on the season 2 episode “Jones.” (and “Distress”) It’s the ones where JJ meets Will (”Jones”) and y’know, Spencer sasses Emily (”Distress” and “Jones”) and ignores whoever (because I forgot who) called him on his phone and everything (”Jones”)

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233

If you can’t do that, you can call 911 and pretend to order a pizza

Stay safe my loves

(part 1, part 2, part 3)

~

February of 2007

Y/N’S POV

"-You, Y/L/N, and Reid check the shelters?” I nodded as Gideon spoke, both me and Prentiss beginning to stand.

As she was standing she spoke, “Yeah, we’re on it.” She looked directly at Reid, “Unless...you okay with that Reid?” I didn’t blame her for asking, he did get pissed at her for suggesting to help with the geological profile.

“I’m fine with that.” We both nodded and walked out, hearing Hotch begin to talk.

-

As Prentiss walked away I felt like I had to apologize for Reid’s actions. “Hey, Angie?” She turned back around to me, “Hey, I’m sorry about Reid, he usually isn’t like that. I have no idea why he was acting like you were the enemy or whatever.”

She nodded, “It’s alright. Have a nice day Agent.” 

I nodded and walked away, out back the front to where Reid and Prentiss were. Almost as soon as I got out I heard Prentiss quoting Reid. “-’He may even be in this room as we speak’? We have nothing to support that.”

“We’re investigating a serial homicide. Should I have pretended that there’s no danger?” I walked over to them and tried to say something, but Emily spoke faster.

“We just left that woman potentially afraid of every man that walks into this shelter.” She started to point at said shelter while speaking.

I noticed he had crossed his arms, “Again, until we find this unsub, how is that a bad thing?”

I knew we had the same face, it was me and Prentiss, staring at Spencer in disbelief. “What is the matter with you?” I mean, at least we were both thinking the same thing.

I saw his arms fall to his sides and his face scrunch in confusion. “What do you mean, what’s the matter with me?”

“I’ve never seen you act like this.” I was gonna defend her, but he beat me to speaking.

“Oh! In the months that you know me, you’ve never seen me act this way? Hey, no offense Emily, but you don’t really know what you’re talking about, do you?” I punched his arm almost immediately after he said that. He turned to me, “The hell, Y/N?”

“She’s not wrong! You-” He didn’t let me finish he just pushed me out of the way and walked away from us. Leaving the two of us confused.

We were currently on a plane to go to New Orleans for a case. I noticed Spencer looked like he was thinking and I tapped my foot on Derek’s leg and pointed my head towards Spencer. “Hey Reid, what’s going on up there?”

“I was thinking of this old friend of mine from Las Vegas--Ethan-”

I interrupted him by saying, “Wait, Ethan Ethan? Never thought you two were friends with how much you rivaled each other.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes, we did rival each other but we were friends. Maybe you should’ve paid attention more Y/N.” I almost said something but he continued to speak, “I’m pretty sure he lives in New Orleans now.”

Derek nodded, I could tell he was upset over how Spencer acted to me. “Well, you gonna give him a call?”

Then of course, he basically explained what I said, “We grew up competing against each other in everything. Spelling bees, science fairs. We also both had our hearts set on joining the Bureau, but on his first day at Quantico he backed out.”

Emily laughed a little, “He probably just couldn’t handle the heat.”

“That’s not for us to judge.”

I rolled my eyes, “Stop being to passive aggressive. Besides I know why he chose not to.”

“Oh yeah! Because you two frolicked around behind my back when me and you dated.”

I scoffed, “I told you Reid, we never did anything, I never have and never would cheat on you or anyone.” I sighed, “I don’t know what is stuck up your ass, but pull it out and stop being a fucking dick.”

Before he could say anything else, Hotch interrupted us, “Y/L/N, Reid, stop.”

I slumped back into my seat and continued to read my book.

-

It had been 30 minutes since Gideon gave the order, me and Emily had been trying to get Spencer since then. He kept not answering. She stopped after 10, I continued. Once Derek got on the plane we basically said fuck it and took off.

That was 10 minutes ago. “Hey, pretty girl, madame Y/N, what’s going on kid?”

I sighed, “He never denies calls, specially my calls.” I shook mu head, “Maybe he was just meeting with Ethan and didn’t notice.”

“Hey, I can guarantee that boy genius, needs something. Maybe knock him in the head. I don’t know. But he’s been a real pain in the ass.”

I just nodded and laid down on the plane, all in an attempt to calm me down.

-

The case was done, Spencer hadn’t talked to me since we met back up. Had no clue what I did, but I hated him ignoring me.

The plane landed about an hour ago and we all were at the office, just grabbing things before we went home. I sighed I turned to Spencer, “Spencer. You’re coming with me.” I grabbed his arm and dragged him towards one of the empty offices. I pulled him in, turned the light on, and closed the door. I looked over at him, he was leaning on the desk, arms crossed, scowling. I sighed, “What the hell is going on with you Spencer? Since I’ve came back you’ve been like a PMSing female.”

He scoffed, “I’ve just been myself. More like myself.”

“That’s a lie, the Spencer I know wouldn’t be such a passive aggressive, PMSing female, piece of shit, bitch.”

“At least when I was 16, I would never cheat and then break up with the person, move to a different state, then show up 7 years later, when I was 23 and act like nothing happened.”

“Is this what that’s about?!” I scoffed this time, “Spencer, I never cheated on you! Me and Ethan spent so much time together to plan out how to tell you I was pregnant! Guess what, I moved because my mom and step-dad sent me away to a private school where I had a fucking miscarriage! I had no choice! I wanted an abortion but was gonna ask you first! God, I never wanted to hurt you!” I had tears forming in my eyes.

“Wait, you were pregnant? But...we were always...no way it was mine!” He ran a hand through his hair, “This further proved you were cheating on me!”

“God, why’re you so fucking stupid? I thought you were a genius! Sorry for mistaking that!” I had no clue what happened next, well, why, it happened. I just know I felt his hand colliding with my cheek. The next I knew I was on the floor. Not aware my cardigan had moved and the bruises on my wrist, arm, and shoulder were exposed. I looked at Spencer, that was when it clicked, the team told me what happened to him. Never had I thought it would happen to him. “Spencer, give me the damn bottles and needles.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t fake being innocent Spencer Walter Reid! I know you have dilaudid on you! God! How stupid am I? You’re experiencing the same shit I did when I was on it!” I sighed, “The team told me what happened to you. You could’ve told me! Spencer, I can help you! Please!”

“At least I don’t allow the person I’m living with use me as a punching bag.” I didn’t get what he meant. I didn’t realize it until he left. I didn’t realize my bruises were exposed. I cursed to myself. Pushing myself up, I covered them up again and wiped my nose. Groaning when I saw the blood. I knew I didn’t have time to explain to the team so I made sure I had my keys and went out the back exit.

~

WHEN YOU AND REID DATED AT 15-16, YOU ONLY HAD SEX 3 TIMES. EACH TIME YOU STARTED IT

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[chaosenticed-blog]

                      greetings  angels ! i’m  steven,  going  by  she/her  pronouns  and  miserably  lodged  in  the  pst  timezone,  also  currently  known  as  the  devil’s  taint  thanks  to  this  heatwave !  super  fun  !  pls  bear  with  me  ,  i’ll  be  up  everyone’s  asses  for  plots  with  my  lil  dudebro  shithead  𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖆𝖘  ,  he’s  a  new  muse  of  mine  i’ve  conjured  up  bc  ethan  is  just  too  good  looking  to  not  utilize  ?  i’ll  keep  this  short  so  we  can  pull  a  queen  carly  rae  and  cut  to  the  feeling  ~

❛ chicago’s very own  𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖆𝖘  𝖉𝖎  𝖌𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖉𝖎 has been spotted in new york city in his jeep wrangler blackhawk , welcome ! your resemblance to  ethan dolan is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twentieth birthday bash. your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓 , but being 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 might help you. i guess being a taurus explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘  𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃  𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋  𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐅𝐈𝐓𝐒,  𝐓𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃  𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍  𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒  𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄  𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓  𝐈𝐍  𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃,  𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏  𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇  𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃  𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒  𝐀𝐍𝐃  𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐒  𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐃. & ( cismale & he / him / his )

aesthetic :  

playing  guitar  barefooted  in  a  hammock,  sun  kissed  skin  and  a  half-kept  beard,  knowing  all  the  vegan  options  at  the  city’s  boujiest  restaurants,  a  crooked  grin  saved  for  whoever  he  can  tell  needs  it  most,  overthinking  his  next  move  even  if  it  seems  completely  organic,  a  boyish  laugh  at  the  most  asinine  pranks,  c-’s littering  his  transcript ( except  the  a  earned  in  environmental  science,  his  elective  of  choice ),  calling  instead  of  texting  because  texting  “ loses  the  humanity, ”  casual  nights  spent  oversized  hoodies,  yellow  checkered  vans,  shorts  with  a  60-day  chip  in  the  left  pocket,  yelling  out  species  of  trees  passing  by  over  thumping  bass  beats  on  a  road  trip,  sweat  on  designer-clothed  skin  like  glitter,  doing  head  counts  of  “the  squad”  over  and  over  in  the  rear  view  mirror  on  the  way  home  from  a  rager,  random  stupid  tattoos  done “ for  the  memory, ”  intricate  handshakes  performed  with  ease.  acting  like  you  don’t  care,  but  you  do— god  you  do,  sometimes  so  much  it  consumes  you  whole.

inspired  by  :

jim  halpert from  the  office,  jackson  maine  from  a  star  is  born,  jim  hawkins  from  treasure  planet,  jackson  avery  and  owen  hunt from  grey’s  anatomy.

history :

born  to  a  major  chicago  councilman   father  and  a  ceo  mother,  the  middle  of  three  boys,  silas  found  himself  drawn  outside  until  the  sun  came  down,  connecting  to  whatever  the  earth  was  able  to  give  him  in  the  inhospitable  chicago  weather .  he’d  wander  aimlessly  for  hours,  guiding  his  twin  and  their  older  brother  through  the  trails  he  made  himself .  his  home  wherever  he  could  make  it  —  the  branches  of  creaking  trees at  the  park ,  the  caverns  of  frosted  caves ,  he  learned  to  be  content  with  the  little  things ,  humble  and  rooted  firmly  in  his  beliefs  of  morality  and  logic .  

it  was  never  exactly  fun  to  play  the  role  of  the  son  in  the  limelight,  eyes  on  his  family  whenever  his  parents  where  on  a  particularly  tricky  trip .  his  eldest  brother,  julien,  was  a  parent’s  dream  and  easily  took  up  a  political  career  without  any  complications .  balancing  in  the  shadow  of  his  eldest  brother  and  the  push  of  his  twin ,  silas  kept  his  own  hopes  and  dreams  on  the  back  burner ,  prioritizing  a  family  name  before  his  own  desires ( and  thus ,  the  apparition  begins. )

he  knows  the  eyes  are  on  him  to  carry  on  the  family  legacy ,  and  does  the  bare  minimum  possible  to  keep  his  uptight  parents  off  his  back .  he  went  to  the  private  schools ,  played  the  big  name  sports ,  mingled  with  the  a-listers .  he  fills  the  role  to  please  his  family  and  keep  the  peace ,  but  once  the  light  comes  off  him ,  he  pushes  off  against  the  prim  and  proper  upbringing  and  finds  his  own  stride .  though  he  takes  the  classes  and  attends  the  conferences  to  make  his  father  think  he’s  prime  for  having  his  name  in  the  news ,  silas  could  not  be  bothered  to  carry  the  illusion  on  into  the  rest  of  his  life .  nights  are  spent  at  raves ,  hiking  canyons  off  the  grid ,  indulging  himself .

yet  all  this  time  spent  trying  to  fit  into  a  future  he  never  asked  for  folded  over  on  him ,  as  one  would  readily  expect .  the  beginning  of  his  freshman  year ,  it  was  exposed  that  his  father  had  carried  on  with  an  affair  nearly  two  decades  ago  and  kept  it  secret  until  now ,  resulting  in  a  half-sister  close  to  his  age  and  an  onslaught  of  media  attention  on  his  once-pristine  family . now  ,  his  father  remaining  in  chicago  and  his  mother  moving  to  new  york  to  helm  her  medical  cosmetics  business  with  a  renewed  vigor  ,  silas  chooses  to  make  the  jump  to  new  york  wit  his  mom  .  to  his  chagrin  ,  she  notes  a  political  run  in  her  future  that  puts  silas  on  edge  ,  forcing  him  to  really  come  to  terms  with  living  the  life  his  family  will  forever  ask  of  him  .

never  one  to  particularly  enjoy  attention,  the  added  pressure  of  trying  to  repair  his  family’s  reputation ( and  keep  mum  on  the  bitter  divide  caused  within  his  family ) drove  him  to  a  point  where  anything  he  could  use  to  escape  would  become  a  viable  option .  smiling  for  cameras  and  keeping  up  appearances  in  public  led  to  binge  drinking  and  benders  galore  in  private ,  ultimately  ending  with  his  twin  brother  hauling  him  to  the  emergency  room  after  a  particularly  brutal  night .  a  stint  in  rehab  this  last  summer  ( explained  as  “ humanitarian  work  in  the  middle  east ”  ) led  to  silas’  newfound  perspective  on  life—  struggling  every  day  to  keep  in  mind  who  he  is,  and  who  he  feels  he  has  to  be  for  the  world .

personality :

silas’  upbringing  has  been  rocky  to  say  the  LEAST,  and  despite  half  the  shit  he’s  gone  through  he’s  managed  to  keep  a  pretty  solid  head  on  his  shoulders  ?

i’ve  been  playing  emo  broody  boys  so  often  i  wanted  to  switch  it  up  and  lowkey ? silas  is  a  breath  of  fresh  air  okay .  he’s  your  quintessential  frat  bro  but  with ~layers~ and  none  of  the  tragic  manic  pixie  dream  boy .  he  comes  across  as  a  reserved  and  non-talkative  kind  of  guy,  stoic  at  first  meeting,  but  with  time  and  comfort  people  find  he’s  really  just  a  cool  laid-back  dude .  he’s  the  dad  friend  of  the  group  and  spends  as  much  time  caring  for  others  as  he  can  possibly  allow  between  his  totally  booked  schedule  of  pretending  to  be  a  preppy  boy  and  literally  not  giving  a  shit  about  most  things.

he  loves  nature  and  hiking  and  being  outside  just  as  much  as  he  loves  a  good  party ,  which  is  where  festivals  and  the  rave  scene  come  into  play .  he  loves  sharing  good  energy  with  the  people  around  him  and  tries  to  keep  the  peace  within  his  circles.  silas  has  a  genuinely  kind  and  benevolent  heart ,  one  he  doesn’t  expose  readily  but  also  doesn’t  ignore .  he  uses  humor  and  quiet  observations  of  others  to  keep  himself  ahead  of  the  loop,  even  if  his  generally  bro-ish  personality  leads  people  to  believe  he’s  inattentive  or  ignorant .  he’s  responsible  and  mature  and  deeply  intelligent,  but  most  of  all,  has  common  sense  and  doesn’t  let  a  decision  be  made  without  weighing  the  pros  and  cons .

( for  the  most  part . )

silas  has  forever  been  recognized  as  inheriting  his  father’s  impulsivity ,  a  trait  he  absolutely  fears  after  seeing  the  terror  it  wreaked  on  his  family .  he  pushes  himself  to  be  smart  and  rational,  trying  to  see  the  logic in  all  things ,  and  tries  to  be  as  disciplined  as  he  can  manage .  when  other  factors  come  into  the  equation  though ,  he  struggles  to  keep  up  his  resolve  and  will  easily  lose  himself  in  the  moment .  he  has  an  addictive  and  ultimately  reckless  personality ,  which  led  to  his  addiction  and  consequential  rehabilitation .  he  tries  to  minimize  the  time  he  spends  with  people  that  may  lead  him  down  a  path  he  doesn’t  want  to  go  down ,  but  obviously  not  everything  goes  as  planned .

otherwise ,  silas  is  stubborn  but  considerate  of  others .  he’s  intelligent  and  creative but  very  poorly  motivated ,  mostly  doing  things  for  the  sake  of  his  family  and  letting  little  else  bother  him .  he’s  loyal  and  sensitive  to  the  emotions  of  others ,  but  is  the first  to  call  out  bullshit if  it  surrounds  him .  he’s  almost  painfully  mellow  and  is  notorious  for  not  having  buttons  to  press  lmao .  he  just  doesn’t  let  most  people’s  comments  get  to  him .  he  has  no  issue  in  cutting  out  the  things ( or  people )  he  has  no  interest  in  spending  his  time  on  and  can  come  across  as  a  bit  forward  in  this  regard .  he  can  be  hypocritical  and  overly  complex ,  having  conflicting  feelings  that  he  can’t  explain  or  rationalize  and  lead  to  him  snapping  or  breaking  down .  he’s  deeply  jealous  and  has  a  bad  habit  of  overthinking  and  not  letting  others  bear  his  burden  with  him .  

as  of  now,  silas  isn’t  sure  where  he  wants  to  take  his  future .  very  few  know  about  his  stint  in  rehab,  and  he  explains  his  lack  of  drugs  or  drinking  as  his  preparation  to  be  a  walk-on  for  the wrestling  team at  NYU  where  he  attends ,  as  his  mother  has  been  encouraging  him  to  pursue  in  order  to  build  a  fanbase  base  for  his  future  political  conquests .  currently,  he  does  modeling  for  a  casual  platform  and  represents  certain  brands  he’s  actually  rather  passionate  about .  he’d  LITERALLY  rather  d*e  than  go  into  politics,  and  is  eyeing  a  future  in  environmental  advocacy  or  ambassador  work ,  but  knows  this  is  not  a  future  aligned  with  the  di  grimaldi  legacy .  for  now ,  he  remains  at  a  crossroads ,  living  half  a  life  he  doesn’t  even  recognize ,  just  hoping  it’ll  manage  itself  on  its  own .

connections :

forbidden  ( 0/2 )  —  best  friend’s  gf ?  his  brother’s  ex ?  his  sister’s  best  friend ? basically  i  want  someone  who  silas  wants  but  can’t  have  because  of  another  relationship  that  could  REALLY  put  them  in  a  dangerous  spot  and  potentially  ruin  what  they  have,  but  it’s  all  hidden  glances  and  risky  snapchats  trying  to  gauge  where  the  line  is  and  where  it  can  be  crossed

exes  ( 0/? ) —  gimmie  angst,  gimmie  chill,  gimmie  people  who  mutually  broke  up  and  are  bros,  give  me  people  who  had  a  messy  split  and  it’s  still  touchy,  give  me  people  who  are  “ supposed  to  be  over ”  but  end  up  in  each  other’s  beds  at  the  end  of  every  other  night,  give  me  people  who  fucking  hate  each  other,  this  is  so  versatile  i’ll  take  anything.

“ gucci  shoes,  boy  i  invented  you ”  ( 0/1 )—  a  fake  gf  he  had  for  the  clout,  someone  who  really  helped  him  live  up  to  the  image  his  family  wanted  for  him,  basically  helped  “ make  him ” and  in  the  process,  she  fell  in  love  with  him.  did  he  feel  the  same  way ?  did  he  not  realize  it ? did  he  simply  not  reciprocate ?  either  way,  they  ended  poorly  and  now  she  resents  him  and  thinks  he’s  a  cowardly  piece  of  shit,  since  she’s  seen  the  “ real  him ”  vs  the  him  she  helped  conjure.  lots  of  tension  !

turn  up  team  ( 0/4 )  —  basically  : whos  gonna  go  rave  with  him  ?  he’s  not  gonna  roll  w  them  if  drugs  are  involved  but  he’ll  enjoy  his  adrenaline  high  with  pleasure.  these  are  people  who  aren’t  close  enough  to  him  to  pressure  him  into  doing  drugs  again,  so  he  feels  okay  with  going  out  with  them  since  there’s  little  to  no  risk  he’ll  relapse

squad  (  0/3-4  )  —  i’m  thinking  a  small  group  of  people  who  he’s  just  always  likely  to  be  found  with,  these  are  the  people  who  matter  most  to  him  and  u  can  hella  catch  him  fathering  them  almost  to  an  ANNOYING  extent.  they  get  to  see  the  best ( and  sometimes  the  worst )  of  him,  but  he’d  do  anything  for  his  squad

devil  on  his  shoulder  ( 0/2 )  — this  can  be  as  intentionally  or  unintentionally  toxic  as  u  want,  but  i’m  basically  envisioning  two  people  who  really  tempt  silas  to  risk  it  all.  maybe  they  want  him  to  dive  back  into  the  hedonistic  side  he  has ( he  was  wild  and  lots  of  people  lowkey  hyped  him  up  for  it ) and  it’s  gritty  and  sexy  and  dark.  maybe  this  person  doesn’t  even  realize  they’re  a  trigger  for  him  and  unintentionally  send  him  close  to  the  edge.

sponsors / confidants  ( 0/2 )  —  i’m  envisioning  a  team  of  3  who  have  been  THROUGH  it  with  the  substance  abuse,  maybe  they  stage “ improvised  meetings ” whenever  they  need  to,  maybe  these  are  just  two  people  who  want  to  make  sure  silas  stays  clean  because  they  know  how  badly  he  needs  it  and  how  dangerous  it  would  be  for  him  to  relapse

vlog  squad  ( ? )  —  my  idea  is  that  silas  and  his  twin  brother  are  youtubers,  and  silas  is  a  BIG  paranormal  shit  guy.  it’s  like  the  perfect  intersection  of  talking  about  nature  and  exploration  without  making  him  seem  like  a  hippie  tree-hugger  and  raise  any  objections  from  his  parents,  so  maybe  he  has  like  a  little  group  similar  to  the  vlog  squad  where  they  share  a  channel  and  they  have  a  small  following?

i’m  putting  in  a  wc  for  his twin  brother  and  his  half-sister so  peep  THOSE

sibling-like  friendship,  booty  calls,  hookups,  people  he’s  in  a  club  on  campus  with,  childhood  friends,  maybe  a  penpal  he  had  after  moving  around  from  place  to  place ?

please  literally  give  me  anything  that  makes  me  smile  or  suffer ?  and  all  in  between .  muah  lov  u  all  can’t  wait  to  rp  !

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Chicago Med On Shaky Ground Review

I’m going to be honest…I was not crazy about this episode. First, where did Natalie and Will learn to break heart-crushing bad news from? Dr. Lee? The empathy was not there for that poor couple from the beginning and isn’t exactly how hospitals handle this kind of sensitive case. I know why they did it this way but it was lazy and lacked humanity. The way the couple gave Natalie that pep-talk speech (because she has NEVER not been consoled when she’s upset) was not real to the way that kind of heartbreak and trauma happen to people.  This story is connected to a larger problem with Med.

I could’ve sworn that the patient April and Ethan treated had some sort of abdominal issue but then it became about her head and of course her home. This story was yet another problem connected to the larger problem with Med’s storytelling.

What am I bitching about you didn’t ask? Before you didn’t ask why I even watch this show?

It’s this;

The problem overall with Med is that each case we see these GROWN UPS act as though they have no life experience or knowledge. Because we don’t get enough background or development for the cases we are left  with ADULTS asking stupid questions about shit we all either learned or know about through lived experiences or have read enough non-fiction or fiction to think about.

Let’s take Natalie:

Why did Natalie have an issue with this case? Does anyone remember the parents of the girl who had cancer that Natalie gave false hope to? She knew there was a thin margin for survival and she gave them that hope and their daughter died. Why did Will even need to ask her “What about the second time this happens?” because this was the SECOND time this had happened. He reminded her what she would have said to him (Remember Jennifer Baker) so why the regression for Natalie (to be honest this whole season)? 

We don’t get an answer because this is the lazy way the writers have decided to set up the clash between Will and Natalie instead of allowing growth and complexities. We never see why or how Will has changed to respect Natalie’s opinion aside from him liking her. They never address  the sexist tone he takes with her when he wants to get his way. He apologizes and claims it’s because he likes her (yikes) but more than anything they won’t explore it. 

They won’t explore or even have Natalie admit that letting go has been a struggle with her from season one! Losing hope has been hard for an ex- rangers’ wife. And this is because we haven’t really seen them delve into Natalie’s’ ordeal as widow and all that comes with it in a thoughtful way. We had many episodes with her crying and missing him sooooo much and having everyone basically tell her to get over it for their own selfish gain or do a “there, there” style pat to the arm.

They showed Natalie as the object of another characters' attraction and steered us viewers into questioning “when she would be ready to date?” as if the all healing penis of Halstead was what she needed. It’s this same buffoonery and lack of depth that made Will kiss her and then say he couldn’t and wouldn’t wait for her. The “special” way they talk, connect, and hang out is never shown because Natalie would’ve divulged that pain to her best friend (see Alex Karev and Meredith Grey for examples) and he would’ve understood her. Manstead would have this beautiful foundation of friendship we are told they have but never really see. So Will could’ve engaged her in this case as friend, then as a boyfriend, and finally a superior if he felt she was falling back into bad habits but nope.

Ethan is another case of nonsense. Did April really have to be the one to remind him about Emily and where his sister came from? How in the world would a huge arc like that shape Ethan but also go completely over his head when it came to this case? You would think given his understanding of Emily’s family situation before the Choi’s adopted her he would know that CPS is an underfunded and deeply flawed system that children die or are abused in constantly. This narrative once again divorces lived experiences from our characters. Not to mention do you remember the teenage girl who stuffed her baby in her back pack after giving birth? The anorexic from the last episode he lost? All of these lessons should have showed Choi that there are lot of people you can’t save with this black and white thinking. Once again no growth; no development, no consistency.

Sarah’s story….dear god why. This story is so ridiculous. So I was glad they explained the prison visit was Sarah’s idea and it was done from a place of attempting Exposure Therapy.

 Exposure Therapy is done by putting a person who suffers from anxiety in their fear so they can face it and hopefully retrain the brain into relieving the stress around whatever activity, event, or thing triggers the person’s anxiety. 

Okay….why in the world couldn’t we have had therapy sessions where Sarah worked her way up to it and viewed a scene where Sarah and her therapist discussed the pros  and cons of visiting a PRISON as way for her to exercise this form of therapy? Training your brain to believe that orange-jump suit wearing violent prisoners are not a danger to you is ridiculous. Sarah should have stuck with the last doctor she was assigned with because she would’’ve been an observer first and then she would have had to read about patients and then construct a plan BEFORE seeing them. Then doctor Charles could have her observe IN the room with a potentially violent or agitated patient for a few weeks until she wasn’t afraid, then finally with her alone, and then treating the patient. Do you see all these steps? This all could have been done throughout the last few episodes instead of the same jump scare they have been giving Sarah. I could go on and on about how I would’ve wrote that story while revealing background on Sarah, deepening the relationship with Dr. Charles and watching her grow as a psychiatrist, take charge of her mental health, and most importantly handle this story that she shouldn’t have had in the first place the respect it deserved but nope. Another rush job that is actually kind of disrespectful to people suffering from anxiety and PTSD.

And THE WORST!

The story that made steam blow from my ears was Ava’s. This show does not know how to let women be successful without taking them down a few pegs. It’s obvious that she is in awe of her mentor and his approval means a great deal to her; but goddamn people. They put the well-knowledge assertive surgeon on the back-burner so we could see that Ava doesn’t really have confidence; it’s all an act. She desperately needs approval, just like Connor, (yay something they can bond over right?). My eyes rolled practically into next Tuesdays’ episode. No one on this show is allowed to have confidence except Connor. Latham’s was blamed on autism and now we are basically to believe that Ava’s, comes from her mentor, and can be easily snatched. The Ava we were introduced to would NEVER let Connor see her cry and she definitely would challenge her mentor; this is what made her his star pupil; because she rebelled and was successful and fearless. That’s what I thought it would be. Instead we got Med’s sexist thinly veiled daddy-issues that plague the One Chicago world of writing.

Maggie is another example of not giving too goddamn shits about past experiences. We know Maggie and Barry are going to date because what would the point of bringing him on be? I’m not into this story either. It makes her appear wishy washy; which to be fair this is what they do to ALL the characters. Some quick after-school-style special gesture or lesson is learned or seen and our characters start seeing the world in a new light because screw critical thought or higher order thinking. (You know what you’d find among doctorates). In this case we are shown the gesture of Barry getting a jacket for April and Ethan’s patient. If they are going to go down this route then why not have her agree to dinner as friends. After all if Barry wants to get back into her good graces he’ll take any chance to be part of her life; because that’s what you do when you are trying to repair trust from an infidelity. Maggie can see the ways he’s changed and even more importantly he can see the changes in Maggie after however many years have passed since they dated. Unless we are to believe having your heart ripped out doesn’t change a person or she has had no growth over the past however many years.

I like that Sharon sided with April and gave a reason why she did, but have we ever seen this extra layer or depth of reason when child services are called? It was like Med was saving this obvious explanation for this particular situation. *eye roll*

I continue to love Abrams but was a little put off by the fact that Ethan had to show a NEUROSURGEON where a problem was in her scan.

We are back to Med nonsense guys. The momentum of the first six episodes is squandered and this is what we are left with. I just hope that it doesn’t last much longer and we get a more solid foundation to stand on because my attention and patience is on shaky ground.