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I feel like I've ended up in the same spot as so transmasc before me: I have a lovely cis boyfriend who loves my tits which I love for him, but I am getting dysphoric to the point I wanna lift my lips and show a lil teeth when I see his hands coming towards them. Feels bad because they are his favorite and we haven't been fucking as much because as soon as he starts touching me I am out of it™ and get all in my head and freeze up. Any advice?
good god, brother. i am utterly baffled at why you have elected me as the strategist for this problem, and i'm even more confused as to why you have chosen to go into as much detail as you have.
but.
if i were to give you some advice on this
i'd say that you should consider a conversation with your partner about the long-term plan for the relationship. a "relationship" is two lives that are connected, right? and your life is not one where you're gonna have boobs for the rest of it (or at least based on what you've told me i would assume, should you have your way, those bad boys are gettin lopped off at some point), therefore it's pertinent that it be brought up, because it concerns your life, therefore it concerns the relationship, therefore it concerns him, yes?
now, the first and most obvious thing to start with out the gate is the boundary, made clear and concise: the hills are now closed, off limits to tourists. all discussions regarding this come next. make it clear that it's about something quite core to your identity, and something that does in fact cause physical pain (a panic response from the nervous system is pain homie).
this brings some followup questions (and remember, this isn't an interrogation, it's a dialogue to share): how does he feel about this? if he's against, why? for that matter, how much does it bother him? is there something he doesn't understand about your discomfort? is there some concern he has about your financial or bodily well-being with regards to the procedure? is it because it's vital to his attraction to you as a partner? if that's the case, would their removal be a deal-breaker?
now keep in mind, these question can be brought up whether or not you've got immediate plans to engage in the aforementioned lopping-off of your aforementioned Bad Boys, because the actual point of this dialectical exercise is to create a simple, easy to navigate, easy to understand conversation, which will set a foundation for further negotiations-- should you learn something new about each other, or yourselves, or the relationship as a whole.
either way, i do not think that letting it keep happening and keeping it to yourself is a good idea. i can understand feeling guilty about withholding some physical and emotional gratification you could give "easily" to this person you care dearly for, but trust me when i say that it's not the way to let it be. not just because it's unfair to your partner to secretly grow to resent them for a reason you don't want to vocalize, but to yourself as well.
you may not know it, but by keeping it to yourself you're slowly building up a resentment. that frustration actually shows up pretty clearly in your message. and even if what you're frustrated about is only that particular activity, that activity is irrevocably tied to another person. specifically, a person that you consider to be a pretty central pillar in your life. if that resentment grows, it can evolve into anger, hatred, fear, paranoia, and all sorts of nasty things. and even aside from the emotional and psychological damage that can do, it can grow into a physiological issue, where your brain wears out more and more due to the growing emotional distress ripping through your neurons with all sorts of "emergency" chemicals. like i said, the panic response is a physical pain, even if your body doesn't feel like it "hurts".
so. to summarize.
ABSOLUTELY bring it up. if you don't, it could become damaging to your relationship, and also your actual real life physical brain.
when you do bring it up, remember that the goals are to set a boundary, and to reach an understanding through mutual conversation. it's a dialogue, not a lecture.
when you reach an understanding, figure out if the relationship needs to be renegotiated in some way. that usually means new boundaries, or expectations. or maybe nothing! though surely your boyfriend can find more things to love about you.
that's as best as i can muster. you don't have to follow it, but hopefully it'll at least give you some ideas you can use.
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Do you have summaries for the unpublished stories (in the last patreon poll)? I would love to hear more about them!
Absolutely! I realized belatedly and while not massively sleep deprived that I should have put the summaries in the heading part, whoops. :'D
Feral/Plo - identity porn/sugar daddy/biology made them do it AU:
Canon goes AU in that Talzin handed all three of her children over to Sidious instead of just Maul. Fast forward to the middle of the Clone Wars and Feral has grabbed his brothers, both of whom are in a bad way, and skipped out on Talzin/Sidious to hide on a planet that's mostly under Republic control, where he makes a living collecting information/carrying out assassinations for the local crime lord. Enter Plo, who's in the middle of like. the Kel Dor version of a horny season. Not quite fuck or die, but fuck or be distracted and miserable and horny for months. Feral, thinking this will be a good opportunity to gather info on the Jedi, volunteers to help him out by being a sex partner whose sturdiness can stand up to Kel Dor physiology. Except that Plo is nice and Feral is maybe not prepared for that.
Jaster/Granta - Sith empire vs. Mandalorian empire AU with lots of daddy issues:
Xanatos is the Sith Lord ruling over Telos, and Granta plays assassin/weapon for his father, right up until he makes a mistake, a Jedi gets away, and Sith Emperor Sidious demands that Granta be punished for failing. Xanatos promptly sends Granta to murder Mand'alor Jaster, who manages not to die but does clock the daddy issues at 20 paces. When Xanatos completely disavows Granta and leaves him for the Mandos to execute, Jaster offers a deal - he'll let Granta live, but in return Granta will be his consort as a fuck you to the Sith Empire, and use his skill at killing Sith for the Mandalorians. Granta accepts, and they have a lot of messy sex and even messier feelings about it.
Padme/Rex - Time travel/time slips/identity porn/fake Jedi!Padme:
Canon divergence in that Obi-Wan's remarkably stupid escape from Vader's base in Kenobi doesn't work, and Reva ends up kidnapping Luke and Leia both at the same time to bring them to Vader. Padme, vaguely a Force ghost by sheer force of will, realizes that her kids are in danger and gets so angry that she quite literally tears time itself apart, throwing herself, her kids, and Vader back to the start of the Clone Wars. They all end up scattered, though, and Padme, with a brand-new Force sensitivity and Obi-Wan's lightsaber, makes a plan with her past self and goes to find her kids, pretending to be a Jedi to let her move through the front more easily. Which goes great, right up until she falls in with Torrent by accident as they're looking for a vanished Anakin. Rex, for his part, has no idea what to make of this angry, driven Jedi lady who tears her way through the CIS like she's aiming to bring them down all by herself, but is also devastatingly sad and kind when there's no enemy to fight. He does know that he very much needs to keep her alive, though, and given Padme's recklessness and Vader making plans in the shadows, that's the furthest thing from easy.
Tae/Fox - CIS!clones AU/spy shenanigans/fake relationship:
AU with CIS!clone troopers under the command of whatever Sith Dooku can vaguely train/pull out of the mud, wherein Fox is the Marshal Commander of a newly-captured Coruscant under Dooku's control. Tae is a new Knight, following in Nico's footsteps as a Shadow, and when Nico goes missing on Coruscant, he decides to go undercover to look for him. Of course, the best way to do this is to volunteer to help the infamously difficult Marshal Commander, who chews through aides like it's a sport and defies even the Sith. When Dooku starts getting a little too suspicious of both of them for comfort, though, Tae comes up with a plan - fake a relationship and pretend to hide it, and then no one will look any deeper. Fox agrees, still unaware that Tae is a Jedi and an enemy.
Cody/Maul - identity porn/Force-sensitive!Cody/canon divergence
Cody touches the wrong artefact during the destruction of the Jedi Temple and the building of Palpatine's palace, and wakes up back at the start of the Clone Wars, still fighting the influence of the chip. Not willing to trust himself enough to go to the Jedi, he instead picks the next best thing: Maul. Except that as soon as he touches Maul, lost in the depths of Lotho Minor, it's not spider!Maul who crashes down on top of him, but Sith apprentice!Maul, pulled right out of his fight with Eldra but with all the doubts about his path that it raised. He immediately assumes that Cody is a Sith Lord challenging Palpatine, and Cody goes along with it, hoping that Maul will be able to teach him to control all of his unsettling new abilities. He very much doesn't expect the mad sort of devotion Maul brings with him, or the fact that he's suddenly the whole Jedi Order's number one target, thanks to Palpatine also assuming he's a rival.
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Spider-Gang Headcanons
I was bored, so I decided to create headcanon character sheets for the Spider-Folks! Basically, this is how I personally envision the characters when doing incorrect quotes. Like I've said before, these origins are mish-mashes of the comics, TV shows, movies, games, and so on, plus some minor, original ideas. (And yes, I was lazy so I copy-pasted much of the info and stats from the Marvel Wiki. Shout-out to the editors and their amazing work!)
If your favorite Spider-People aren't here, that DOES NOT MEAN I don't like them! Lmao I adore Pavitr, Cindy, Jess, etc. These are just my personal favorites. Also, I'm still tryna figure out Ham's cartoon powers, and movie-verse Miguel can go sit on a barbed wire brush XD
P.S. No ai art was used. These are all borrowed from official Marvel media.
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Spider-Man
Peter Benjamin Parker
New York City, New York; present-day
16-18 years old
5′10″ (1.78 m)
160 lbs (72.57 kg)
Eyes: brown
Hair: brown
Gender: Cis male
Orientation: Bisexual
Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and gained a suite of powers reminiscent of a spider, including agility, wall-crawling, and the ability to sense danger. When Peter learned that his beloved Uncle Ben had been murdered by a thief that Peter himself had selfishly allowed to escape, he realized that with his new powers also came a responsibility to use them for good. Since that day, Spider-Man has fought criminals while enduring a constant barrage of negative press, a stream of personal losses, and the occasional crisis of confidence. Somehow he manages to maintain a positive attitude and rarely lacks for a humorous quip when battling bad guys.
PERSONALITY:
-Peter is a geeky, shy, socially awkward, high-spirited, caring, and friendly teenage boy who is loyal to his family and friends. While his heroics as Spider-Man have given him a reputation for being a flake, Peter will always be there for anyone that needs help.
-Since the death of his beloved Uncle Ben, Peter's vow of responsibility has led him on a path of heroism and humanitarianism. He regularly sacrifices (or sabotages) his personal well-being for the greater good. It has also meant that Peter often takes on more burdens than he can bear and blames himself unnecessarily when the city is hurt.
-He possesses an innate scientific curiosity and loves to figure out how things work. He has been known to immerse himself in personal projects for hours on end, forgetting to eat and sleep as a result.
-Though it can be difficult for him to open up with new people, he becomes enthusiastic and talkative when asked about his favorite subjects (i.e. science, photography, TTRPGs, the New York Mets).
-Peter has a tendency to use humor and sarcasm as a defense mechanism, a trait that is amplified when he fights criminals as Spider-Man. He is proud of his humor, deploying it to break tensions and lift the mood, something that has at times irritated his friends and allies.
-Peter also has a bit of a vengeful side—he once secretly used his powers to humiliate his bullies and was single-minded in his pursuit of revenge for his uncle’s death. If Peter's trust is betrayed, it can be difficult to get back in his good graces.
-His humility often teeters on the edge of self-loathing, to the point of considering himself lamer than his counterparts. These feelings also extend to his romantic relationships—Peter is often blind to his crush’s reciprocated feelings simply because he doesn’t believe they could ever be reciprocated. According to Peter, he always falls for people who are "way out of his league."
-Behind his naturally upbeat demeanor, Peter possesses a tragic and depressed side. This is brought on by the immense guilt he feels about the deaths of people he held close: Ben Parker and Gwen Stacy, his first girlfriend.
POWERS & ABILITIES:
Spider Physiology: Peter Parker possesses the proportionate powers of a spider, granted to him by the bite of an irradiated spider.
Superhuman Strength: Peter can lift up to 10 tons. His physical strength also extends into his legs, enabling him to jump to a height of several stories in a single bound.
Superhuman Speed: Peter possesses the proportionate speed of a spider; therefore, he can run and move at speeds that are beyond the physical limits of the finest human athlete.
Superhuman Stamina: Spider-Man's advanced musculature produces fewer fatigue toxins during physical activity than an ordinary human. This allows him to exert himself physically for much longer periods of time before fatigue begins to impair him.
Superhuman Durability: Peter’s body is physically tougher and more resistant to some types of injury than the body of a normal human. He has shown little to no discomfort when sustaining great impact forces.
Superhuman Agility: Spider-Man's superhuman agility, balance, and bodily coordination are all enhanced to levels that are far beyond the natural physical limits of the finest human athlete. Spider-Man is extraordinarily limber, and his tendons and connective tissues are twice as elastic as the average human being's. He has the combined agility and acrobatic prowess of the most accomplished circus aerialists and acrobats. He can also perform any complicated sequence of gymnastic stunts, such as flips, rolls, and springs.
Superhuman Equilibrium: Peter possesses the ability to achieve a state of perfect equilibrium in any position imaginable. He seems able to adjust his position by instinct, which enables him to balance himself on virtually any object, no matter how small or narrow.
Superhuman Reflexes: Spider-Man's reflexes are similarly enhanced and are currently about 20 times greater than those of an ordinary human. In combination with his spider-sense, the speed of his reflexes allows him to dodge almost any attack.
Wallcrawling: Peter can cling to any surface using just his fingertips and feet.
Spider-Sense: Spider-Man possesses a precognitive danger sense that warns him of potential or immediate danger through the manifestation of a tingling sensation in the back of his skull, and links with his superhuman kinesthetics, enabling him to evade most attacks unless he cognitively overrides his automatic reflexes.
Regeneration: Spider-Man is able to rapidly heal and regenerate from harm faster and more extensively than normal humans are capable of.
Web-Shooters: Spider-Man's trademark equipment. With his brilliance in physical science, Peter created these devices to fire thin strands of a special web fluid at high pressure and speeds. These enable him to web-swing between buildings and entrap enemies.
Web fluid: Created by Peter Parker. A shear-thinning liquid (virtually solid until a shearing force is applied to it, rendering it fluid) whose exact formula is unknown but is related to nylon. On contact with air, the long-chain polymer knits and forms an extremely tough, flexible fiber with extraordinary adhesive properties.
Specialized Web Cartridges
-Acid Webbing: Webbing laced with hydrochloric acid. -Taser Webbing -Impact Webbing: Web-pellets that, upon impact, release tendrils that ensnare the target.
Spider-Tracers: Small, electronic tracers that allow Spider-Man to track objects or individuals. Typically, he plants or throws one on a departing enemy, but he can also use a launching device in his web-shooters for better range and accuracy. Spider-Man can follow the signal within a 100-yard radius by using his spider-sense.
Genius-Level Intellect: Peter Parker possesses a natural talent for science, standing out as a top student in his high school. His favorite subjects are biology, physics, and chemistry. A prodigy biochemist, Peter could understand his father's, Dr. Richard Parker’s, research notes at age 15.
Expert Inventor/Engineer: As a teenager, he developed his signature web formula, Web-Shooters, and the Spider-Tracers.
Budding Photographer: Peter is a talented photographer and has worked part-time for the Daily Bugle.
Skilled Acrobat: Due to his superhuman physical abilities, Peter easily surpasses normal acrobats and is able to perform somersaults, flips, spins, cartwheels, etc.
Hand-to-Hand Combatant: Spider-Man's fighting style incorporates and takes full advantage of his proper use of physical forces, momentum, and leverage, with the hero staying low and mobile while utilizing the momentum of frequent spins to come crashing down on his opponents. Peter has stated that he is self-taught, having learned many of his fighting techniques from movies and lucha libre.
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Spider-Man (Miles Morales)
Miles Gonzalo Morales
New York City, New York; present-day
16-18 years old
5′8″ (1.73 m)
160 lbs (72.57 kg)
Eyes: brown
Hair: black
Gender: Cis male
Orientation: Heterosexual
Miles Morales, a fellow student of Peter Parker, was bitten by a genetically altered spider that his uncle had stolen from Osborn Industries. The next day at school, he found that he had grown taller overnight and gained incredible, arachnid-like powers. Donning a similar costume, Miles became a budding superhero with the original Spider-Man as his mentor. Miles was the first person Spider-Man revealed his identity to, and they have become the closest of friends. Miles considers Peter a great hero, but can he live up to the legacy set before him?
PERSONALITY:
-Miles is a passionate, bright, confident, selfless, and extremely eager young man.
-Miles' dedication to helping others stems from his deep respect for his father, Officer Jefferson Morales, and his admiration of Peter Parker as Spider-Man. He draws his passion for science from his mother, Rio, who is highly regarded for her boundless dedication to being a nurse. Moreover, being a long-time fan of Spider-Man, Miles aspires to uphold his mentor and friend’s legacy while also forging his own path.
-Like average Spider-Men, he has an irreverent attitude towards villains, although when enemies indicate psychological instability, Miles addresses them respectfully to prevent further danger.
-He has a strong love for science, having started inventing at an early age, as well as a passion for music, mixing hip-hop beats with his uncle during his early years.
-He is much more sociable than Peter Parker, and often initiates conversations with strangers in his neighborhood.
-Miles instantly fell for Gwen Stacy upon their first meeting. They’ve since become the best of friends, though a part of Miles still pines for her romantically.
-His relationship with his Uncle Aaron is complex; while Miles acknowledges Aaron's inherent goodness, he also grapples with his uncle's shadowy past as the Prowler and their differing views on heroism.
-Miles' eagerness to be a hero is both a strength and weakness; it propels his desire to grow and assist others, but it also makes him prone to danger and reluctant to accept help. Additionally, he has been known to act impulsively on occasion. Miles also dislikes being a victim or receiving pity.
-He initially displayed panic and insecurity due to struggling to handle even basic spider powers, and he felt unworthy of the Spider-Man mantle. When it is up to him to save the city on his own, Miles occasionally has doubts about his capabilities, often comparing himself to Peter.
-Miles' intellect and love for others can cloud his judgment. At times, he can be too arrogant to listen to those who might know better
POWERS & ABILITIES:
Spider Physiology: Miles Morales gained the proportionate abilities of a spider after being bitten by a genetically-modified spider.
Superhuman Strength: Miles can lift roughly 10 tons.
Superhuman Speed
Superhuman Stamina
Superhuman Durability
Superhuman Agility: Miles' agility, balance, flexibility, and bodily coordination are all enhanced to levels that are far beyond the natural physical limits of an Olympic-level gymnast.
Superhuman Equilibrium
Superhuman Reflexes
Wallcrawling
Spider-Sense: When danger is present, Miles feels a buzzing sensation in his head as a sort of early warning system, allowing him to react accordingly. His spider-sense offers him near-complete awareness of his surroundings and, in conjunction with his reflexes, allows him to instinctively dodge or counter nearly all attacks.
Bio-Electrokinesis: Miles is able to generate and manipulate a form of bio-electricity that his body produces and can utilize the energy for multiple purposes. Miles has learned to discharge the energy from his hands in controlled bursts of what he calls "Venom Blasts".
-Mega Venom Blast: Arguably Miles' deadliest ability. Miles is able to emit a larger scale burst of bio-electricity from his entire body. It is powerful enough to repel a large group of opponents and destroy sturdy restraints. This ability leaves Miles exhausted after using it, and can be triggered with focus or by extreme stress. -Venom Beam: Miles has shown that he can channel his bio-electricity outward as a direct burst of electrostatic energy to knock away enemies in a stunning/concussive manner. -Venom Punch: Miles can enhance the power of his punches by infusing his fists with bio-electricity. -Lateral Repulsion: By projecting a controlled Venom Blast, Miles is able to launch himself in the air with greater force than when jumping or web-swinging.
Camouflage: Miles, including his clothing, can blend into his surroundings, allowing him to sneak up on his enemies or, in some cases, flee from them. The resulting effect closely resembles that of invisibility.
Regeneration
Web-Shooters
Bilingualism: Miles speaks English and Spanish.
Gifted Intellect: A fast learner from a young age, Miles is a highly gifted individual with an aptitude for science. He attends the Robotics Club at school and has experience in programming applications. Upon discovering his bio-electric powers, he demonstrated an impressive understanding of biophysics, throwing out possible explanations for this new power, such as electrolytes. At the start of his superhero career, he was able to mimic the original Spider-Man's fighting style by watching online videos to improve his own abilities.
Photographic memory
Skilled Acrobat
Hand-to-Hand Combatant: Despite his lack of formal training prior to his spider-bite, Miles' enhanced agility, reflexes, and coordination made him an extraordinary melee fighter. He has developed his own unique combat style which incorporates a rudimentary form of boxing, Capoiera, and breakdancing.
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Spider-Woman
Gwendolyn "Gwen" Maxine Stacy
Alternate New York City, New York; present-day
16-18 years old
5′5″ (1.65 m)
125 lbs (56.7 kg)
Eyes: blue
Hair: blond
Gender: Trans female
Orientation: Heterosexual
Leaping from an alternate reality in which she was bitten by a radioactive spider instead of Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy learned the painful lesson that with great power must come great responsibility. At first, Gwen used her new powers for selfish reasons, reveling in the attention it brought her. Meanwhile, her friend, the bullied Peter Parker, turned himself into a lizard monster because he was desperate to be special like her. Gwen inadvertently killed Peter during the ensuing fight, and the police blamed her for his death. Seeking redemption, she now fights crime as the amazing Spider-Woman.
PERSONALITY:
-Gwen Stacy is a spunky, sarcastic, awkward, and emotionally vulnerable teenage girl. She has a history of rejecting friendship since she can't bear to go through the pain of losing another loved one. After getting to know Miles Morales and Hobie Brown, however, she tentatively decided to give companionship a chance.
-Gwen initially put on a tough, antisocial front when she met the other Spider-People, but she has come to view the Spider-Gang as family and is fiercely protective of them.
-It can be difficult for her to look at the other Peters when they are unmasked, hence why it was initially easier for her to interact with Miles and Hobie.
-Currently, Gwen's interest in Miles is platonic, bordering on sibling affection.
-Gwen has a zero-tolerance policy for bullying, especially where her friends are concerned. On impulse, she will intervene on their behalf. With this in mind, Gwen and Peter (Spider-Man) have sworn to always watch each other's backs.
-There used to be unresolved tension between Gwen and her police officer father, George Stacy, regarding the morality of Spider-Woman’s vigilantism. Upon realizing that the vigilante he had been pursuing for years was his very own daughter, George reached out to Gwen about her problems and insecurities. Father and daughter have reconciled, and George Stacy has become Spider-Woman’s staunchest supporter.
-She is absolutely fearless in battle, but not to the point of recklessness.
-Gwen’s relationship with her bandmates has become somewhat strained since her superhero lifestyle often interferes with their gigs. That said, Gwen’s band members have made attempts at getting her to open up about her feelings and trauma.
-Gwen tends to bottle up her emotions and release them when she's playing drums, leading to her being particularly angry and distant. When dealing with people she is unsure of, she puts up fronts and walls to appear more confident and put together than she actually is.
-She hates when Noir calls her "doll."
-Her favorite band is The Smashing Pumpkins.
-Outside of music, her hobbies include skateboarding, gymnastics, and ballet.
POWERS & ABILITIES:
Spider Physiology: Gwen gained the proportionate abilities of a spider after being bitten by a radioactive spider—genetically engineered based upon the genetic template of alien spider parasites.
Superhuman Strength: Gwen can lift roughly 10 tons.
Superhuman Speed
Superhuman Stamina
Superhuman Durability
Superhuman Agility
Superhuman Equilibrium
Superhuman Reflexes
Spider-Sense
Wallcrawling
Regeneration
Web-Shooters: Twin devices, which she wears on her wrists, that trap moisture from the air to create a "web-fluid" that allows her to eject web ropes, nets, and globs. The Web-Shooters also enable her to web-swing between buildings. Given to Gwen by her universe’s Janet Van Dyne.
Amateur Detective: Gwen has a proclivity for analytical thinking and detective work. She is also the daughter of a police captain, thus she knows some police protocols and methods.
Skilled Fighter: Gwen is a skilled freestyle fighter. That said, she is untrained and learned most of her moves from Kung Fu movies.
Trained ballerina: Gwen trained in ballet since she was young. Her ballet training has allowed her to be incredibly precise when moving, often walking on the tips of her toes. Evidently, her ballet experience is incorporated into her fighting style.
Trained gymnast: Gwen was a member of the gymnastics team at her school; even before her radioactive spider bite, Gwen was able to hold her own body weight and possessed an athletic build similar to that of an acrobat. She incorporated her gymnastics training into her fighting style.
Trained musician: Gwen plays the drums with her band, The Mary Janes.
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Spider-Man Noir
Peter Benjamin Parker
Alternate New York City, New York; 1933 AD
Approximately 19 years old
6′1″ (1.85 m)
150 lbs (68.04 kg)
Eyes: brown
Hair: brown
Gender: Cis male
Orientation: Bisexual or Demisexual (still figuring it out)
In another New York, in the year 1933, Norman Osborn murdered Ben Parker for encouraging a strike on the local sweatshops. Seeking justice for his uncle, Peter Parker became an investigative journalist in an attempt to expose the corruption in New York. One evening, Peter was investigating a warehouse where Osborn's henchmen were housing stolen artifacts. An ancient spider statue broke open and released a swarm of spiders, one of which bit Peter. He passed out and dreamed of a spider god who told him it would bestow the curse of power on him. When Peter came to, he discovered that he had been gifted with arachnid-like superpowers. Thus, Peter became the Spider-Man: a dark avenger fighting for the rights of the downtrodden and waging a one-man war on crime.
PERSONALITY:
-Noir Peter Parker is an unwavering, righteous, sympathetic, brooding, solitary young man of few words.
-Peter grew up witnessing injustice in the harsh environment of the Great Depression. This, combined with his Uncle Ben’s horror stories about the First World War, made Peter distrustful of would-be leaders and political figures. He’s leery of police officers; in his world and time period, especially, police corruption is rampant.
-Unlike most Spider-Men, Noir Peter was never taught the motto "With great power, there must also come great responsibility." Instead, his Uncle Ben told him, "If those in power can’t be trusted, it’s the responsibility of the people to remove them."
-Peter’s jaded demeanor and bleak realism belie his indomitable will and inherent idealism. He will never stop fighting for truth and progress, no matter the personal cost.
-Peter is a devout socialist and liberal activist, often participating in protests for workers’ rights, racial equality, and standing against the rising tide of Nazism.
-Peter is an empiricist—he believes his eyes, no matter how implausible something may be. Ever since his encounter with the Spider-God, he has gradually come to accept that some things are never going to have an explanation.
-Unlike the other Spider-People, Peter is willing to kill his enemies if absolutely necessary.
-Peter struggles with trauma and depression, perhaps more than his counterparts. To cope and better do his job, he closes off his emotions and ignores his bodily needs.
-Peter smokes cigarettes, even though he has been warned that they cause cancer. The nicotine helps calm his nerves, and he doubts that he’s capable of contracting cancer due to his powers.
-Peter puts on a convincing, deeper voice to make himself seem older. The rest of the Spider-Gang was dumbstruck when they learned he wasn’t much older than them.
POWERS & ABILITIES:
Superhuman Abilities: Peter possesses enhanced physical abilities granted to him by the Spider-God.
Superhuman Strength: Slightly inferior to that of his mainstream counterpart.
Superhuman Speed
Superhuman Stamina
Superhuman Durability: Although he is incredibly durable, his body does have its limits—unlike his modern counterparts, he cannot sustain multiple injuries and continue to function.
Superhuman Agility
Superhuman Equilibrium
Spider-Sense
Wall-Crawling: He can stick to walls using just his fingertips and feet; however, Peter prefers a type of parkour over clinging to the walls themselves.
Organic Webbing: Spider-Man is able to shoot organic black webbing out of his wrists. However, he cannot generate webbing in a constant stream (like his more modern counterparts) and is therefore unable to travel via swinging on webs.
Night Vision
Regeneration: Slightly superior to that of his mainstream counterpart.
Pain Resistance: Ever since he was bitten, Peter no longer feels physical pain as potently as an average human.
Gifted Intellect: Peter is of above-average intelligence and possesses a natural talent for science.
Experienced Reporter: Peter is a gifted investigative reporter and very skilled photographer.
Investigator: Honing his talents as an investigative reporter, Peter has become experienced in detective work and research.
Hand-to-Hand Combatant: He is formidable in hand-to-hand combat, having received boxing training from the Daredevil of his universe.
Skilled Marksman: Peter is adept in the use of and has impeccable aim with firearms; more often than not, he is able to hit his targets accurately.
Weapons: Peter has been known to carry revolvers and incendiary grenades.
Glasses: Unlike other Spider-People, after receiving his powers, Peter still requires corrective lenses to see properly.
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Spider-Punk
Hobart "Hobie" Brown
Alternate London, United Kingdom; c. 1977-early 80s
Approximately 19 years old
5′11″ (1.8 m)
150 lbs (68.04 kg)
Eyes: brown
Hair: black
Gender: Cis male
Orientation: Pansexual
In an alternate London, foul-mouthed teenager Hobart Brown was a squatter in a United Kingdom ruled by the fascist regime of Prime Minister "Ozzy" Osborn. He was bitten by a spider irradiated by illegal waste dumping, which gave him spider superpowers. Hobie became a punk-rock-inspired Spider-Man, and he led the oppressed people of London in a revolt against Osborn and his storm troopers. Spider-Punk is defined by his rebellious attitude towards absolutely everything, and will take any opportunity to turn on an establishment, regardless of the consequences.
PERSONALITY:
-Hobie is a zealous, headstrong, brazen, uncompromising, and altruistic young man.
-Although he pretends to be an apathetic badass, Hobie clearly has a deep connection to his team and a surprising amount of respect for Spider-Man Noir.
-He is surprisingly good with children.
-Hobie is an extremely devout anarchist who chafes at all forms of authority. Whenever he is given orders, Hobie makes it clear that he’s only going along with them because he wants to. Put simply, Hobie fights evil on his own terms.
-Hobie lives by two rules: No Gods. No Masters. He hates the rich, authorities, and politicians.
-Hobie takes the Spider-Man staple of flippancy to a whole new level—oftentimes, he doesn’t even attempt to be clever with his quips, instead throwing out the harshest insults he can come up with.
-As a musician and activist, he integrates anti-authority messages into his performances. He frequently encourages (and joins) mosh pits among the audience. Such acts are deemed illegal in his home universe… not that he cares.
-Hobie is a terrible singer, but he argues that’s what punk rock is all about.
-With the plethora of questionable decisions he’s made just to survive, Hobie does not consider himself a role model, let alone a hero. Despite this, he still has high praise for himself and tries to project an aura of "cool."
-Hobie's boots are ladder laced. In punk culture, ladder lacing with colored laces is a way to discreetly express your beliefs. Hobie's laces are blue, which means the wearer has killed a police officer. Though Hobie remains unwilling to divulge many aspects of his life, he has mentioned that he was once betrayed by a police officer…
-Hobie enjoys playing with people’s gender expectations and dresses as androgynously as possible. He believes that it is impossible to separate punk history from queer history.
POWERS & ABILITIES:
Spider Physiology: After being bitten by a spider irradiated by illegal waste dumping, Hobart obtained the proportionate powers of a spider.
Superhuman Strength: Hobie can lift at least one ton.
Superhuman Speed
Superhuman Stamina
Superhuman Durability
Superhuman Agility
Superhuman Equilibrium
Superhuman Reflexes
Spider-Sense
Wallcrawling
Regeneration
Web-Shooters
Modified guitar: An instrument that can emit a large shockwave attack similar to Miles Morales’ "venom power." In addition, the guitar can play frequencies strong enough to cause electronic equipment to malfunction.
Cricket bat: A simple yet effective wooden bat inscribed with "Beat on the Brat," a Ramones lyric.
Engineer: Hobart is a tech genius, able to create his Web-Shooters and a functional dimension-hopping watch after studying the properties of Peni Parker’s teleportation device. He was also able to engineer his guitar into a weapon.
Skilled Acrobat: Spider-Punk is able to perform acrobatic and gymnastic moves, such as high jumps, somersaults, flips, etc. at a level far beyond the ability of normal humans.
Hand-to-Hand Combatant: Hobie has years of street fighting experience. He utilizes techniques that enable him to make full use of his speed, agility, and strength. However, he lacks any formal training.
Musician: Hobie is a talented musician and plays both guitar and drums.
🕷️ 🕷️ 🕷️
SP//dr
Peni Parker
Futuristic New York City, New York; 3145 AD
9-13 years old
4′11″ (1.5 m), 9′ (2.74 m) (in armor)
105 lbs (47.63 kg), 900 lbs (408.23 kg) (in armor)
Eyes: brown
Hair: black
Gender: Cis female
Orientation: Asexual
In an alternate Japan, in the year 3145, Peni Parker was born the only daughter of Dr. Richard Parker. When she was 9 years old, her father passed away piloting the SP//dr suit. She would be adopted by her Aunt May and Uncle Ben in New York, and they informed her that she was the last person able to bond with the radioactive spider that controlled Richard’s bionic armor. Peni accepted this responsibility, allowed the radioactive spider to bite her, and repaired the mech suit. Now known as SP//dr, Peni protects her futuristic neighborhood with her new best spider-friend and a powerful robotic suit!
PERSONALITY:
-Peni is a peppy, energetic, optimistic, intelligent, tough, and somewhat smug girl.
-Peni’s bubbly nature is infectious, and she loves making new friends. She quite literally views the Spider-Gang as her family, even addressing them as onii-chan (big brother) and onee-chan (big sister) respectively. Likewise, she cherishes her bond with the SP//dr spider more than anything—in many ways, it’s her last connection to her father.
-A generally happy-go-lucky person, it is rare to see her sad or discouraged. That said, when grief or anxiety strike, her productivity takes a sharp decline. She is a very emotional person, and her friends’ struggles affect her profoundly.
-Peni is a responsible and dedicated individual; she has devoted countless hours to her studies and working on her father's suit. That said, she can be a tad arrogant where her work is concerned, and bristles at outside input or assistance. It can be difficult to get Peni to accept technological help or admit when she’s made a mistake.
-Peni is proud of her intellect to an almost vain degree. She unconsciously comes off as condescending when explaining her technology to others, especially Spider-Man Noir (even though he can easily pick up how modern tech works).
-In battle, she is ruthless, aggressive, and devastatingly analytical.
-She has a habit of striking magical girl or idol singer poses.
-Peni is a vegetarian but isn’t preachy about it.
-Peni has an ultra-secret candy stash hidden… somewhere.
-Her hobbies include J-pop and manga (she’s recently gotten into Boys’ and Girls’ Love).
POWERS & ABILITIES:
Genius-Level Intellect: Peni Parker is extremely intelligent, mostly regarding her exceptional scientific, engineering, and hacking skills.
Scientist: A wunderkind prodigy, she is remarkably skilled and knowledgeable in a wide range of scientific fields.
Engineer: Peni takes great pride in her engineering intelligence, which has enabled her to create upgrades for her SP//dr armor and even invent an inter-dimensional teleportation device.
Expert Hacker
SP//dr Suit Mk III: A psychically-powered mech suit created by Peni’s father. The SP//dr suit is genetically linked to her, so only Peni may use it. The suit uses magnetically manipulated appendages for versatility, wall-crawling, and enhanced strength, and it can shoot lasers from its fingers and weld various metals. Additionally, wrist-mounted web shooters built into the SP//dr suit allow it to web-swing between buildings and entrap enemies. The suit is shielded against radiation, biological, chemical, corrosive, and electrical attacks. In the cockpit, there is an on-board computer operating system that aids Peni in accessing the internet, providing background information, and connecting with (or hacking into) other devices. The inside also has a snack compartment.
Bilingualism: Peni speaks Japanese and English.
Expert pilot: Peni’s piloting abilities have advanced to the point where the SP//dr suit feels like an extension of her body.
Psychic link: Peni allowed herself to be bitten by the SP//dr spider—a radioactive, sentient spider (whom she refers to as her best friend) acting as one half of the CPU that makes the SP//dr suit work. Beyond piloting the suit, the spider shares thoughts and emotions with Peni.
Spider-Sense: Through her psychic connection, Peni possesses a precognitive "spider" sense that warns her of potential immediate danger.
����️ 🕷️ 🕷️
#incorrect spiderverse#the story#Spider-Man#Peter Parker#Miles Morales#Spider-Gwen#Gwen Stacy#Spider-Man Noir#Noir#Spider-Punk#Hobie Brown#Peni Parker#character sheet#kinda#headcanon#Marvel#no ai art used
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do my fellow autohomoerotics experience anything similar?
alloandrophilic life cycle:
1.alloandrophilia predictably hits, target is typically a cis man, sometimes a deeply repressed proto-trans woman (it’s easier when it’s parasocial but unfortunately it’s IRL sometimes—sometimes like a lesbian, i choose an unavailable one). the feeling is good, typically, and i have auto-androphilia for him, too. the kind of man i’m attracted to is usually one i’d want to emulate. also the fantasies are super predictably auto-homoerotic as fuck (the idea is i’d also be a guy)
2.I learn that i’m objectively inferior to him because i am (and sometimes it’s because he’s normie in addition to male) i used to approach, but have given that up in recent years after repeated rejections. i get angry, internally, but don’t let it go anywhere. violent thoughts towards myself and others, inc. target. he would also never accommodate my delusions, my sexuality is estrogenic so i think about the future and realize that obviously anyone who is attracted to me is attracted to women and not to autohomoerotic ftms. my blackpills tell me that even well adjusted bi men wouldn’t.(this is due to my horrible personality, so it’s specific to me) i absolutely cannot approach my latest target, it would be inviable due to other unrelated incompatibilities but i won’t get too into that—doesn’t stop the cycle from proceeding.
3.i have thoughts of suicide every day. i rarely can cry, but then i do. (i’m not on testosterone or anything i’m just repressing) for how long these thoughts last depends on how far it got with my delusions. i’m really good at making the cycle go by quickly—classic comphet, i guess i have this in common w the type 1’s. but when i actually have gotten the opportunity to be one of his orbiters, it lasts longer—i’m usually so inferior to his other orbiters. i feel guilty for implicating him.
4.i retreat into a ground state of asexuality, hyper-romantic fanfic-tropey bihet female sexuality. this is my equilibriated comfort zone. of course, i still repress and carry in me intense cross-sex desires. i realize that i am too highly feminine in my thinking- i catch feelings, i’m emotional as fuck, i’m fembrained as all hell, not built for what i perceive from across the cultural and physiological aisle as the casual, animalistic, cult of physical beauty which everything about my socialization and my nerdy femcel predilections has told me i would never in a million years fit into (and on this point i’m right). I have a horrible body and personality, so i find myself falling back on the tropes of cis womanhood when realistically thinking of enticing targets, where almost zero for (gay ftms? they/them perhaps?) exist. I start recovering from my fixation on my alloandrophilic target, and make a return to woman with a private daydream.
written just now in a moment of self-awareness i think… like genuinely what the fuck is wrong.
is this just suicidal or am i a lesbian all along. do others… like me… experience something similar… is this what it feels like to supposed to have been a man yet have a sex drive dominated by estrogen or is this a secret 3rd worse thing? or AUTISM probably? this should be included in a write-up on autistic girls and how we think. i’m throwing things at the wall in the hopes something sticks wrt my guesses here.
is is just me?
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can we have some info on your stolas? any special headcanons? how old is he? cis, trans, nonbinary? cloaca, cock, or stolas-ussy? give us some details! :)
V. STOLAS OF THE ARS GOETIA - ASSORTED PHYSIOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY
small disclaimer: there is a fair bit of canon divergence
in the mortal world stolas can morph at will into an human, a barn owl or a raven. when summoned via circle, however, he will initially appear in his eldritch demon form.
his eldritch demon form resembles a dire raven crossed with an owlbear.
given who stolas is in lore, mine is canon-divergent when it comes to age. he's young but not that young, so he's around 5000 years old. in my view hell years work differently from earth years, so it is entirely possible to go with the canon narrative that he is around 37 hell years old.
his birthday is november 11 so he is a scorpio
he is a hellborn demon, meaning he wasn't among the angels who fell with lucifer, but he is of angelic descent, as paimon's son.
apex predator: my default portrayal of stolas emphasises the shrewd, callous, manipulative and obsessive side of the demon prince, similar to the pilot, as well as the darker side of his infernal duties and insight into his powers and knowledge as an ars goetia.
courtship: stolas will use his great wealth to lavish gifts excessively, take you to see the stars, give spontaneous protection and stalk obsessively. if you're a sinner or a lower ranked demon, he may or may not attempt to coax you into making a deal to give him your soul, just so he can properly own you.
avian behaviours: these are usually curbed by the manners and etiquette he abides by. but generally speaking, stolas exhibits owl behaviours such as a variety of owl noises, feather preening, nipping and grooming others whom he's intimate with as a sign of affection.
on the mortal realm he prefers to be active at night time, the best time for sky gazing.
when it comes to food habits, he is omnivorous but his preference is an assortment of small animals that he swallows whole, unless he is in public or at a dinner party. he prefers his meat rare/raw.
he doesn't consume any dairy - he will opt for plant based varieties.
he really dislikes garlic.
owl features: he doesn't have any teeth in his default form, but has a sharp beak and a very long tongue.
stolas has excellent hearing and a well trained singing voice.
he can rotate his head to a maximum of 270 degrees in either direction, and he tilts it owlishly when he's particularly curious.
he is covered in coal-grey plumage, with white tufts on his chest and black tips on his tail and talons.
some parts of his body, like the palms of his hands, have tiny downy feathers - which is more like fur, but infinitely softer.
gender and sexuality: stolas identifies as a cis-male, and he is pansexual.
stolas has a cloaca by default, however he does not engage in a cloacal kiss for breeding as he does not deem it the most logistically efficient for that function in his form; he can therefore conjure a penile appendage to facilitate intercourse and breeding, and it will depend on his and his partner's preference whether he will do so or not.
unlike a regular avian cloaca, his own is a slit of folds between his thighs covered by a tuft of tiny downy feathers. it is capable of self-lubricating.
when conjured, his penis is long, slim and well proportioned to his lanky body. it is obviously featherless.
he is a power bottom-leaning switch.
lust is among his favourite sins for a reason - he does enjoy indulging in his cravings and desires.
he has a vast personal library of erotica, from art to novels.
kinks? he is old and has a few. just ask ;) praiseeeee
want to know what he's really like in the sheets? well, then get to work.
#☽ [ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴀʀʟɪɴɢ | ANSW.]#☽ [ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ᴀ ᴍᴏᴏ�� ɢᴀʙʀɪᴇʟʟᴀ! | OOC]#Anonymous#☽ [ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʜʀᴏɴᴇ | HC]#[here!!we!!go!!]#[i know you've been waiting for this... and it's been a long time coming]#[I will probably expand on many of these hcs but in the meantime have a preview!]#[but I can't reveal everything can I? ;)]#[this is ever a work in progress!!]#cw suggestive#[lmao this anon is sending me--]
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My gender headcanons for sylvari are complex and practically nonsensical but here goes.
(TLDR, gender is a salad, and brother? I'm adding ingredience.)
The root of the question for them is not so much "male or female," "cis or trans," or "binary or nonbinary," it's more like "opt in or opt out."
I.e. they can fill certain boxes that apply to them as dictated by the culturally human lense we're viewing them through (a sylvari binary cis woman, or nb trans man, or this combined with this and that, etc) but within their culture, sylvari aren't going to look at these black and white yes or no labels and be able to make strict sense of them.
So while I do apply these labels to my own ocs, I'm also applying an additional lens of "opt in or opt out of gender" or of gendering strictly mattering to them to determine how they view themselves. Let me try to run through some examples...
Alba, through the first set of lenses, could be classified as a gender-nonconforming cis or genderqueer man. Were he human he might identify himself as some combination of these labels, however he does not think or care about these things. He has opted out of identifying himself as anything; he's essentially "not gendered" because he doesn't care.
Auruim could be read as a masculine cis man. He cares urgently about how he is perceived and read because he ties his strength and worth in with his masculinity. He is "opted in" to being gendered, as it matters to him.
Two of my trans masc sylvari are worth putting up side by side: Tryllwenn and Letnyaga are both trans men; Tryll is binary and Letty is non. Both are gnc and somewhat femme presenting. Letnyaga would also be viewed as pre or non op. Tryll is opted out and not gendered, it does not matter how he is perceived. Letnyaga is opted in.
(Pronouns are a whole additional beast that I won't go into.)
I think I'd have to tie this in with some of my headcanons about sylvari sex organs as well for it to make more sense. Obviously, they cannot reproduce, but have many of the apparent parts required for sex. As sylvari were modeled off of humanity, I believe that at their base they would appear to align with what human bodies look like, at least at first glance.
However, we've seen that sylvari can grow and shape things to their preferences. One of my physiological headcanons for them is that, were a sylvari to lose a limb, they could with time regrow it. The limits of regrowth are tenuous and uncertain. Can you regrow your head if it's lopped off? Probably not, a lot of vital stuff is stored in there--how about regrowing a body if everything from the mid-chest down gets blown to bits-again, likely not. But growing and reshaping things to be have the form and function desired is doable, probably even second nature for some of them. For others it may be more difficult.
Regardless, the ability to grow a different or additional sex of genitalia and shape it to your own preferences adds another layer of "well that isn't quite like humans at all!" For example; Aeris, she/her, fills the boxes of binary cis woman, but she's also grown a penis. Lychen, similarly, checks all the boxes of binary cis man, except that he's gone ahead and swapped his dick out for a vagina.
Does this make sense? Probably not hehe... but are you still rockin with me?! I hope so!
Or, blah blah as @starlightsuncrow succinctly summarized....
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‘ dev patel, cis male, he/him, 28/280 , daemati high fae ’ ― cauldron save you. it seems RAVI KALITA has been teleported to the dusk court, the PERSONAL GUARD from SUMMER COURT��is said to be PROTECTIVE and is said to describe themselves with the scent of healing balm, a secret whiff of flowers under the twilight, the sharp sting of a sword cut and with all of this in mind their GRUMPY nature always seems to get them into trouble. may the mother hold them as they navigate this unthinkable time. ; *personal guard to cassiopeia dragomir
─── ・ 。゚☆: RAVI KALITA
NAME: Ravi Kalita AGE: 280 PRONOUNS: He/him SEXUALITY: Pansexual
PHYSIOLOGY
HEIGHT: 6'1 HAIR COLOUR: Brown EYE COLOUR: Grey, almost blue APPEARANCE: Ravi wears a lot of armour as a guard, and his hair is usually kept pretty well kept, he can look quite intimidating with his serious expression, but he has a nice smile SPECIES: Daemati high fae STYLE: Well kept, armour-heavy outfits, put together. He wears a necklace constantly, it has a ring on it. He wears pretty standard clothes, they aren't really his expression of self TATTOOS: None SCARRING: Nothing major aside from the normal scarring one in his position would have. He does have a pretty decent size scar on his back, but it's usually hidden from his clothes
SOCIOLOGY
OCCUPATION: Personal guard to Cassiopeia Dragomir COURT: Summer court HOME LIFE: He doesn't think he has one anymore PETS: None FAMILY: Ha, good one RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Widowed SOCIAL STATUS: He doesn't consider himself of high social status and he's definitely not a royal, but he's known enough, enough that people in local bars avoid him if they're causing trouble TRAINING: Combat training, guard training, all that good stuff VICES: Ale. Lots of it
PSYCHOLOGY
SEX LIFE: Sex life? Where is duty? Where is sacrifice? MORAL STANDARDS: He is a BIG believer of his court. However, he is also a big believer in doing what's right, and supporting those who need it. When not on duty, he will often spend time helping others AMBITION: He has very little ambition aside from protecting those he loves, his duty, and helping others. His ambition to himself is unfortunately nonexistent, not anymore. His only real ambition outside of this is to find a certain someone and kill them TEMPERAMENT: He's calm but very, VERY serious. He's not someone you'd want to mess with COMPLEXES: None ABILITIES: He has typical fae abilities but as Daemati he's also able to read and influence minds. He doesn't like to use it much unless he has to PERSONALITY: He is a no-nonsense kind of guy, very serious, but can be quite friendly when he's talked to. His duty is very important to him, and he's very serious about it. He doesn't really know how to "let loose" anymore
BIOGRAPHY
it was not really his decision to become a personal guard. it was something that came to him eventually, after a lifetime of torment and struggle. the job of a guard was stable enough that he quite enjoyed it, but when he found himself personal guard to the lady, it became his life. cass became his good friend, and as a result, his protective nature took over in a way that's more than just duty. before this, he was a lower level guard, working as sort of security for several businesses in the summer court. he jumped around a lot, across various jobs. eventually, he finds himself working hard enough that the lord takes notice, and hires him for personal security in the castle. the moment that the new lady comes in, he's assigned to her. he grows in his life and in his position. some years into his role, he finds himself a lover, falling for a young man who took over his heart, and their relationship was strong and they started a family by adopting a local young fae boy who had no one else to rely on. for a while, this was all that ravi wanted; someone to love, someone to hold, somewhere to lay his head at night. the fae boy grew older, and so did he. at least, it did for quite a while. the incident that led to his partner's death is not something he talks about, not enough for anyone who knows him to even understand really what happened. it's said that perhaps he made some enemies who didn't like the lord and lady of the court, or maybe his lover was caught up in something. regardless of the situation, his lover and the boy they'd been raising disappears, left with nothing but ashes, never to be seen again. he knows deep inside that it was the pirates he had thwarted once, but he knows not where they are. hardened by his loss, his job becomes duty. when not watching over the lady, he's at a bar, drinking away his sorrows, and hoping for better days. eventually, eventually, the hurt stings a bit less. he teaches himself to feel, and allows himself to speak to people again, even allows himself to help people again. maybe, just maybe, healing is on the horizon. no one knows his secret ambition to find the one who killed his lover and kill them by his own hand. it's a dream, however, he's given up long ago.
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hi I don't really know who to ask about this but I have to get it off my chest and I've seen you talking about voice stuff so I just started T and I've been looking forward to my voice changing but. I keep seeing tiktoks that say even when your voice drops the tone will always be "like a woman." am I stuck sounding like this but lower forever?
again it's okay if you don't have an answer I just at least need to get my thoughts out
short answer: no
long answer: oh boy those tiktoks. they have an element of truth in them but they're deeply misleading. for a lot of reasons. yeah no you picked a good person to ask, I have Things To Say about this
I'm taking my usual approach of "this is inherently fine but if it will make you less dysphoric or safer here's how to change it"
things that are true in those videos: there are general patterns of "tone" (not a technical term in this context, but we all know what it's getting at so I'll keep using it) that people generally perceive as masculine or feminine. trans men often retain a more "feminine" tone after their voice drops
I genuinely think that the people making those videos think they're making people aware of a safety hazard, but this is not the insta-clock that they think it is. unless someone is actively looking for it, or has met a lot of people who've taken T, they're not gonna make the connection. if they don't have another reason to think you're trans your average ignorant person is gonna be like "is he gay?"
the second thing they get wrong is they act like it's purely biological. it isn't. it's extremely malleable
so you produce a sound wave when air passes through your vocal folds, and that has a certain pitch. the main thing we're talking about here is how that sound wave changes on its way out of your mouth. everything the air hits -- your tongue, your teeth, etc. -- will change the tone of the sound you finally produce. and this is partly based on physiology and partly based on habit --
physiology - cis men on average have larger vocal tracts than cis women. this means the air has bigger targets to hit and that will influence the tone of the sound. T changes this somewhat, btw
habit - you know what the biggest target the air hits is? your tongue. you know what has a ridiculously wide range of motion? your tongue. hold it a bit higher and a bit farther back and you've just made it a bigger target
you can actively try to do that if you want to (takes trial and error, if you go to far with it you just end up making a different speech sound entirely) but there's something I haven't mentioned about the habit thing. you are used to supporting a higher voice. higher pitches take more space in the mouth to fully support. I've known a lot of people who, after their voice changes even out and they get used to them, just kinda subconsciously fall into the new habits I just mentioned. maybe they end up somewhere in between maybe they end up sounding indistinguishable from cis men. there's an awkward period like there is for cis teenage boys
#I've known enough people who take T to recognize the tone you're talking about but even then#I don't just think 'they're trans' I think 'pretty sure they started T RECENTLY'#uh if you want to actively change it but don't want to think about what your tongue is doing my advice is get lazy about opening your mouth
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( courtney eaton, 29, cis woman, she/her ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that NOVA CHEN is a HUNTER-TRAPPER that works in SECTOR 2. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of CERVID PHYSIOLOGY. That must be why they’re CAPABLE and SECRETIVE. If you ask me, they remind me of dew on the morning grass, eyes glowing in the distance, the steadfast strength of a buck, a twig breaking underfoot. They are affiliated with NOBODY.
basic information:
character name: Nova Chen
nickname (s): Nov, Vee, Star
face claim: Courtney Eaton
mutation status: Gen ii mutant
birthday: june 17th
sexuality: pansexual
moral alignment: Chaotic Good
occupation: Hunter-Trapper
work sector: Sector 2
affiliation: Nobody
3 positive traits: capable, adaptable, gentle
3 negative traits: secretive, nervous, reactive
biography (optional): tbd. blurb upon request!
questionnaire:
how do they feel about living in sol city? have they always lived there or did they travel from another settlement?
Nova was born and raised in Sol City. She comes from a fairly affluent family within the city limits, though her home life was not ideal. Still, there is so much the city has to offer. From the wildlife to the people, Nova finds so much to be excited for in her little home, that she could not imagine being elsewhere.
do they trust the council’s leadership? why or why not?
Nope! Nova is generally distrustful, though her distrust in the council is founded in her Father's close involvement with the council. He often kept her either at arm's length or subdued. While every member of the council can't hold the same sensibilities, she's not sure she can trust an institution that has that within it's ranks.
if they chose their sector and profession, why did they make that choice? if they didn’t, why not? were they happy with their assignment or not?
Chose would be a strong word to describe Nova's involvement. She enjoys the work for the most part. Mostly because she's good at it. Between her heightened senses, speed, and awareness, she's the ideal candidate for hunting and trapping. Though she does strongly prefer trapping than the act of hunting, and tries to pass it off any time that she can.
what’s one object that they always keep on their person?
Nova can always be found with her moonstone necklace. She believes it ties her closer to the universe. It was the first thing she bought herself, and it's incredibly special to her.
(mutant only section)
what is your character’s ability (or abilities)?
Cervid Physiology
are they gen i or gen ii?
gen ii.
what can your character do? what are their strengths?
Nova has the ability to produce antlers, mostly to use offensively. She also has enhanced sense of hearing, enhanced speed and agility, night vision, and prey instinct.
what can’t they do? what are their weaknesses?
She cannot become a full form version of a cervid of any kind. She can form antlers, and has the correct senses, but she also has more prey than predator. Most of her skills are defense rather than offense, and she can only use offense when absolutely necessary.
is there anything else you’d like to specify about them?
When she uses her powers, she can be especially on edge. She always seems to be ready for attack, and has the temperament of a deer. She's does make a great lookout!
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( pablo screiber , 51, cis-male , he/him ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that RICHARD "SAMSON" CLEMENS is an "ENTERTAINER" AT THE BEARDED LADY that works in SECTOR 10. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of FERAL PHYSIOLOGY. That must be why they’re LOYAL and EXPLOSIVE. If you ask me, they remind me of raw meat pierced with bone white fangs, sweat dappled skin in neon lit rooms, and piss yellow eyes. They are affiliated with NOBODY.
under the cut: TASK ONE
basic information:
character name: Richard Clemens
nickname (s): Samson
face claim: Pablo Schreiber
mutation status: Gen 1
birthday: 30 October
sexuality: bisexual
moral alignment: chaotic neutral
occupation: 'Entertainer' / Sex Worker at the Bearded Lady
work sector: 10
affiliation: Nobody
3 positive traits: Loyal, Good, Romantic
3 negative traits: Hot-headed, Self-defeating, Explosive
biography (optional): coming soon
SUMMARY/TL;DR: Child to a single mother who fell into the Bearded Lady after a one night stand lead to Richard and leaving her family. Grew up with Seth at the Bearded Lady. Once old enough, he began doing sex work. Met and married Sable, they originally struggled to conceive. After getting infected (and mutated) they managed to have their one and only daughter, Delilah, who has a similar mutation to Richard. His anger issues, mutation and work lead to Sable (rightfully) divorcing him. He's slinked back to The Bearded Lady and Seth—although he never truly left—and hasn't quite let go of his ex or his volatile moods.
questionnaire
how do they feel about living in sol city? have they always lived there or did they travel from another settlement? It's all he's ever known. When his mother wanted to move back to her old home, Richard refused to leave with her because Sol City (and The Bearded Lady) is all he's ever known.
do they trust the council’s leadership? why or why not? Yes, his ex-wife is on the council. He accepts this is the way the world works, people like Richard never really make it far up the food chain. He trusts Sable to make good choices and do her best. It's a very simplistic view of things, he long gave up on his ability to comprehend much beyond what's right in front of him.
if they chose their sector and profession, why did they make that choice? if they didn’t, why not? were they happy with their assignment or not? He grew up at The Bearded Lady. Even before his infection and mutation he'd had severe anger issues than often lead to keeping any regular or more 'acceptable' job near impossible. His only regret is that it (partially) led to the end of his marriage amongst many other things.
what’s one object that they always keep on their person? His wedding ring sits on a simple gold chain. It only comes off when he's actively working, even then it's never far from hand.
mutation
what is your character’s ability (or abilities)? Feral Physiology (& Feral Mind): He has piss-yellow eyes that see better than the average human's, more like an animals. He can see well at night and in sharper detail. He has a set of fangs, the resemble that of a predator animal. His nails are tougher and grow claw-like.
are they gen i or gen ii? Gen 1
what can your character do? what are their strengths? Heightened senses. Fangs and teeth make excellent weapons. Enhanced healing ability that works so effectively his aging has slowed down since his mutation.
what can’t they do? what are their weaknesses? He has become an obligate carnivore—his diet requires and obscene amount of raw meat for him to be healthy and function normally. Samson can enter a sort of 'berserker' rage state, however as he's not a wild animal it offers little benefits day-to-day. His previous anger issues are heightened, never as bad or as violent in the few pre-cure days however he quickly turns violent and difficult to communicate with when in a feral state.
misc
is there anything else you’d like to specify about them?
Regarding names. He goes by 'Samson' to nearly everyone in his life. Only Sable, Seth (and Stella) know him as Richard. At work he goes solely by Samson and will get violent if anyone refers to him as Richard. His family name 'Clemens' is from his mother, when he married Sable he took her surname 'Hart'. He has chanegd back to Clemens, but in his heart he's a Hart. I have also used variations of samon clemens as blog names often enough I didnt want to get confused.
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OOC INFO
Name/Alias: Cris Pronouns: He/Him/She/Her Age: 27 Timezone: Gmt-3
IC INFO
Character Name: Desdemona Kingsley Character Age: 60 Character Birthday (with year): October 31, 1964 Gender & Pronouns: Cis Woman, She/Her Affiliation: Church of the Lost Occupation: Leader of the Church of the Lost Faceclaim: Monica Bellucci
BIOGRAPHY
TWs: Violence, Death, Blood, Corruption, Crucifications, Suicide, Child Neglect, Murder, Child Death, Cults, Religious underthemes, Manipulation, Gaslighting, Stockholm Syndrome, Serial Killers, Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Homophobia
Thou callest it chaos, I calleth it freedom. In thy despair, I find my throne.
What is brilliance if not madness? ⸻ Warped around the edges, melted until it's an ugly sharp thing dangerously beneath the sea of calm eyes and soft smiles, waiting for a prey to cut and trap. Desdemona Kingsley, née Neroni, is known for a brilliant mind and extraordinary achievements in the field of physiology and forensics. La piccola prodigio professors called her ⸻ the bambina always three steps ahead, observing, seemingly seeing everything; she could read people as an open book, knew the words to say and egos to stroke, weakness to explore. It was uncanny how her dark eyes would watch without shame, stare until people felt like bacterias under a microscope. It is said that's how Desdemona sees people; tiny, insignificant, beneath her; nothing but a thing for her to study and catalog. Tools to be used.
From Venetia to Oxford, her reputation did not soften ⸻ Somehow, she became sharper, hardened, freezing cold. She makes you think she loves you, becomes the sun in your life, previous peers would warn, and then she leaves you in darkness, feeling small as an ant. That's when she destroys you. That's how she killed Catherine Hartford. Desdemona thinks it is unfair to blame her for that ⸻ The death was self-inflicted, the girl could not handle a simple breakup. That's not her fault. But the rumor mill spins unstoppable, scared looks thrown her way whenever she passed in the middle of crowds parting for her. She didn't mind, of course ⸻ What mongrels think of her is not important to her life at all, doesn't bring her any enlightenment nor growth.
The only brave soul who didn't mind her temper, indifference, and arrogance was Malthus Atkinson ⸻ heir of the seemingly infinite Atkinson empire. She did not ask where his money came from, and he had very little interest in hers. Desdemona doesn't know what made Malthus gravitate towards her ⸻ what made him stay, in spite of all the things he witnessed her doing. He smiled too much, joked around more often than she could tolerate, and slacked on his work. Honestly, she thinks it was the queerness that made them stick together like glue ⸻ The eighties were not a safe place for people like them, and the more violence they heard in the television, the closer they moved to each other. He told his parents she was his girlfriend, hers long cold six feet under ⸻ father murders mother, daughter murders father, isn't it ironic? ⸻ so they got a townhouse together in Mayfair; a safe haven where Malthus could live with his boyfriend and Desdemona could bring all the delicious innocent pretty little things to corrupt.
She should've known it was only a matter of time before his incredibly annoying parents started circling them like vultures ⸻ when is the wedding, grandchildren, oh you will be a lovely housewife ⸻ She should've killed them. But she was focused on her thesis, her projects, and graduation, so Malthus's parents were a problem entirely his own to deal with. She would've felt guilt, had she not been giving into his whims; a wedding in Bora-Bora, one in Dublin, and another in Venetia. What pathetic creatures, wanting to make a show of their fake love and life. She loathed how small Malthus seemed to become when his parents were around ⸻ a man who could fill a room with his joyness alone barely would speak a word other than yes sir, of course ma'am. It made her stomach tighten, her spine hurt, a migraine to throb behind the space between her brows. And so, in their honeymoon, a half bottle of wine in and nearly done with Silence of the Lambs, she made a decision for the them that would change the course of their lives forever ⸻ Let's go to the America. I'm serious. I can join the FBI, you can teach history. Your parents won't leave Ireland, and we will be free.
It wasn't as easy as that night in Greece made them believe. They both had to fight teeth and nails for a spot in the land of the free ⸻ as it turns out, despite their obsession with mafia movies, the American didn't particularly like the Italian or Irish yet. With her brain and his determination, however, they eventually settled on a good routine; she would hunt and profile serial killers for the FBI, and Malthus would become a respected professor in Harvard. Desdemona's habits of sleeping with his students were kept a secret, and Malthus soon got a new boyfriend that made him forget the Englishman from Oxford. Life was good, so of course it wasn't long before their plans got interrupted ⸻ his parents would not budge on their firm demand for a child, threatening to remove Malthus from the will if they didn't comply, so with her eggs and his sperm, a surrogate soon was carrying the heir of the Atkinson empire. Nannies, house keepers, and babysitters were swiftly arranged to ensure a baby wouldn't put a bump in their careers ⸻ Yes, she adored Apollo when he was born, but even the chubby rosy cheeks of a baby wasn't enough to distract her from her work.
If anything, it only made her work harder ⸻ After all, she had a son to protect now. She needed to study and arrest all those who could present a danger to him. It is the excuse she told herself to begin teaching, at least. At first, it was only for the FBI ⸻ soon, she began lecturing about forensics in Harvard until she was a professor. Her own students to seduce, fresh minds she could shape to her desired image. A perfect job. And then Desdemona met her ⸻ Young, intelligent, alone. Easy prey, honestly, if she had only remained that. No, it wouldn't fit her. Desdemona knew Kiri Stephens deserved to achieve great things ⸻ hold the academic world by their groins, a permanent spot in her bed, free access to her bank accounts. Anything Kiri asked for, she gave; gave, gave, and gave, until she was obsessed and in love. She never knew possessiveness like the one filling her heart then ⸻ Malthus's parents were to die soon, and she would finally make Kiri hers, in law and body.
But then the assignment came ⸻ The Hangman, they called him; a cult leader whose victims were hanged or crucified in Boston. Malthus was strangely supportive ⸻ he was tired of the pretentious kids at Harvard, and their parents, and a change of scenario could do him some good. The family moved temporarily to the city, a penthouse apartment with big windows for Apollo to stargaze, Malthus to take his afternoon tea in front of, and enough room for Kiri to visit whenever she liked. Move in, Desdemona would beg, I will give you the life of a queen. Malthus would often joke Desdemona was growing soft, but even he knew to keep his lips tightly shut when she got that look in her eyes ⸻ dark, intense, full of lust for control and power. The cult life interested her very little, but files piled in her office, words filled every crevice of her brain, invisible hands tugged and tugged and called to her ⸻ voices of obedient sheeps, following her every word, needing a Shepherd to guide them to dea ⸻
Apollo would tug at her sleeves, bright big doe eyes begging her to tell him a bedtime story. His innocence kept her from giving into temptation, she knows. His love for her, his need for her, kept her sane. Until the shooting ⸻ standing in a morgue on her knees, sobbing as they told her to identify the body of her child and close friend. Her son. Her lamb. Malthus parents were gone a week after ⸻ suicide. She was completely alone, with a bottomless fortune and her only child buried in the ground.
What is madness if not the exuberance of brilliance?
There is no salvation in the fire, only rebirth as ashes ⸻ obedient, hollow, mine.
The Church of the Lost was birthed in a small wooden chapel Desdemona built with her own hands in her grief. A quiet place where a beautiful garden welcomes all the lost souls in search of guidance, of her loving hands. A place where grief could not reach, obedience was devotion, and she the only Goddess to worship. People know of Desdemona Kingsley because of her fall from grace ⸻ She lost her mind, faces in front of the television would say. But her colleagues, her former professors, the people she got locked up, they knew better. They would see her in the news, drawings of her face stamped in recruitment pamphlets, and there she was ⸻ the brilliant girl with the abyss swimming under her intense eyes. The girl who wouldn't take a single step without thinking of every possible outcome, who destroyed people by trapping them in her charms, exploiting their weaknesses as if she found joy in despair. The queen who eats the king without her opponent realizing ⸻ cheque mate. Desdemona did not fall into madness ⸻ she simply decided to surround herself with other's madness.
It was not a surprise how easily she fell into the role of cult leader, of Mother, of Death. Desdemona always wanted and wanted and got what she wanted, consequences and damage inflicted be damned. She wanted devotion, her words a sweet whisper in ears of broken people clinging to her words until they were lost in her grasp. Addicted to the drug she manufactured with Kiri, addicted to her kindness, her cruelty. Her punishments were a proof of her care ⸻ Mother only wants to see us become better. By the time the deaths ⸻ murders, really ⸻ began, she lost her most prized possession. Kiri left for a life of whoring herself for money, left the kingdom Desdemona was building for her. She is humble to admit the child was an act of desperation ⸻ she wanted a lamb, a thing of her own she could shape into whatever she needed, whatever she wanted. A faithful who wouldn't betray her. Malthus's frozen sperm proved itself useful when she heard whispers of a former student starting treatment. The woman was beautiful, and Desdemona could still remember how she tasted ⸻ So of course she pulled every connection and expanse to make it happen.
On the turn of the year, her lamb was born. Small even for a newborn, premature, quiet as if dead. But it lived ⸻ in her arms, it found life, a purpose. The heir to the Atkinson empire, her precious perfect lamb, the one thing who would return Kiri to her hold. Parting with the child was a necessary evil that broke what little was left of her heart; for a year, she would not spend a minute without it by her side, watching her every move with green eyes sharper than they should've been. The raid took a few of her good faithful down, but she believed it for the best. Her sheeps needed their mother by her side ⸻ her consort, her love, the one that dared to get away. She didn't return. The lamb was delivered and kept, but Kiri did not knock on her door begging for her forgiveness. The week she realized Kiri would never return was when she began with the crucification ⸻ the bad apples can't be allowed to poison our tree.
Excuses upon excuses her sheeps eagerly swallowed like milk from her tets, their numbers growing worryingly by the day. Her Lieutenants were gifted with luxurious houses built on the property of the Atkinson manor ⸻ now hers to do as she pleases. The lake in the grounds was named The Lake of Sorrows, and baptism would take place in its waters. It became nearly a crime to whisper her name ⸻ the faithful didn't know, the news didn't know, and the FBI erased every trace of her existence. She knew their moves, their spies, so there was little choice but to let her be. The cruel parts of the Church are shared by crazy people in reddit pages for conspiracy theories ⸻ videos calling her all sort of names by self claimed true crime investigators were nothing but free press. The Church of the Lost, to the wide public, is nothing but a church led by a kooky, extravagant woman. Their television channel is a fever dream, their recruitment is secretive, and no one really knows what happens behind the doors of the many compounds around Boston. No one knows of the bodies. No one knows of Artemis. Her new lamb. Her current obsession.
Her wives ⸻ three of them, one for each decade Malthus has been lost ⸻ think her interest in Artemis is a silly thing brought by her old age and the grief of her lost lamb. But Desdemona knows pure devotion when she sees it ⸻ knows Artemis is completely hers, and very little could take them away from her grasp. Her perfect weapon, ready to kill when given a simple command, ready to die if she only asked. Artemis takes their punishment without complaints, accepts her love with no fear, and Desdemona knows they are a replacement for what she thinks she could've had, before, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter when she is so close to seizing control of everything ⸻ with a murderer hiding among her sheeps, Desdemona knows she has an ace in her sleeve. It's just a matter of time before she uses it.
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&. Brandon sklenar : cis man : he/him : sleeping on the blacktop by colter wall — It seems beaufort mcgovern has been lured to Volterra. the 31 / 188-year-old vampire has been in the city for six months. Whispers in volterra says they’re nomadic. doesn’t the smell of tobacco and the forest, a well-worn cattleman, eyes that have just turned a brilliant gold remind you of them? ⸢ penned by davis : 32: est: he/him. ⸥
BASICS.
full name : Beaufort McGovern
nicknames : Beau
gender / pronouns : cis man/ he/him
sexuality : heterosexual
date of birth : he doesn't remember exactly but he thinks it was sometime in winter of 1836
age : 31 / 188
zodiac : Scorpio maybe? Possibly a Sagittarius
place of birth : The New Mexico territories
accent : South western
languages : English, Spanish, Portuguese
occupation : In life he was an outlaw turned lawman turned soldier turned outlaw
species : vampire
powers : vampire physiology, supernatural charm
APPEARANCE.
faceclaim : Brandon Sklenar
height : 6'3\
eye color : gold / black (when hungry)
hair color : dark brown
dominant hand : ambidextrous
glasses : N/A
tattoos : N/A
MEDICAL.
mental :
physical : bite mark from when she was turned, three bullet scars on his left side.
PERSONALITY.
positive traits : observant, fair, curious, intelligent
negative traits : stubborn, curt, gruff, melancholic
hobbies : drawing, hunting, shooting, poker.
RELATIONSHIPS.
parents : tbd
extended family : n/a
mate : Jessica Stanley, though he doesn't know that yet.
children : n/a
pets : A wolf dog he just calls 'bud'. He's kept a pup from this line of wolf dogs for over 70 years at this point and doesn't have any plans to stop training them.
ADDITIONAL INFO.
quick facts :
He has only decided to become a 'vegetarian' within the last year and still struggles with it but has made it his mission to stick to it.
He's quite the legendary figure in terms of old west outlaws, which he's always found entertaining.
He still rolls his own cigarettes even though they do nothing for him. It's just a habit that reminds him of being human and he's not willing to give it up.
biography : full bio coming soon
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i. dario argento // ii. "to elsie" - william carlos williams // iii. "maybe sprout wings" - the mountain goats
( uraz kaygılaroğlu, 37, cis man, he/him ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that IHSAN KAPLAN is a “RESEARCH SUBJECT” (LAB RAT) that works in SECTOR 5. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of HORROR EMBODIMENT. That must be why they’re CREATIVE and ERRATIC. If you ask me, they remind me of black holes in the sky, successfully mined fool’s gold, a bloody rendition of the starry night. They are affiliated with THE DAMNED.
QUICK FACTS:
full name: yaratık "ihsan" kaplan
date of birth: january 6th, 2138
zodiac big three: capricorn sun, gemini moon, gemini rising
gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him
sexual + romantic orientation: bisexual + bi/greyromantic
ethnicity: turkish
nationality: sol city-an...?
religion: atheist, raised a loosely practicing muslim
languages spoken: english (5), turkish (5)
enneagram: 4w5
mbti: xnfp
temperament: melancholic-choleric
alignment: chaotic evil / true neutral
ability: horror embodiment ( + eldritch physiology )
affiliation: the damned
task: mutation break-down
BACKSTORY
triggers: neglect, drugs, murder
Born 'Yaratık,' the Turkish word for 'creature,' Ihsan was never destined for greatness. His birthright was nothing but pure horror...
See, Azra Kaplan's first pregnancy could be easily likened to Rosemary's Baby (a movie of centuries past). The life-form growing within her had little patience. But what could it do from within? Torment her days with hallucinations and delusions, torment her nights with nightmares and fits of sleep-walking that ended with her holding a knife. She had half a mind to take that knife and remove that source of grief.
-> But she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Thus, on a cold and ashen January night, a many-tentacled thing came into being. Two nurses suffered fatal heart attacks, the thing's father buckled under the weight of its stare, and the few remaining had to steel themselves. The only person entirely unaffected was Azra herself, watching in horror as her husband and those taking care of her dropped like flies around this... creature.
Her husband had suffered from the virus, that much was true, but neither of them ever could've imagined their child could be... this. That their child could be something so disgustingly powerful and evil in nature, it could take down a person by virtue of just being.
Nonetheless, Azra knew that releasing Yaratık onto the world would do more evil than good. (No one would know the price they could pay for looking at the infant, tentacles draping over its mouth like something out of the Lovecraftian pantheon.) Nonetheless, Azra did not have the heart to kill him. He had not killed her, after all.
The only solution she could think of was to raise him in a shed until he could take a non-lethal form... if the day ever came.
The shed had a crib and a stuffed doll. Yaratık would receive the comfort and cuddles every child needed from the doll. Yaratık would sleep in the same crib long after he no longer needed a crib. Yaratık would be fed with blind eyes and, when he became capable of feeding himself, food through a slot in the shed's door.
Azra was not actively trying to be cruel to her child, but she went through ebbs and flows with him. On the best days, she felt terrible for what she was doing and would try to cuddle him inside the shed. On the worst days, she felt as though she wasn't doing enough, terrified to even step near the shed -- his influence was strong and he hadn't a modicum of control over it.
But Yaratık began thriving in the darkness with his real mom -- the stuffed one who sat in the corner, always available to offer love. By the time he was two, he had learned everything he would have needed to enter kindergarten. By the time he was kindergarten age, he had learned everything he would have needed to enter middle-school. As such, Yaratık had learned very early on how to control his form and influence. He knew what he was. He didn't have to ask, he didn't have to read books, he didn't have to research -- overheard conversations or intuition or the universe simply told him what he was. And, more than mutant, he was fear. He was horror. And, somewhere along the way, he became a poet.
Petty from the beginning, he played dumb around his mother. It made those brief moments of revenge, inducing deep dread or a mental breakdown, excusable -- because he just didn't know better!
But he grew tired of those four walls. At 7, he pretended he had just discovered how to control his form. As such, he was released.
It was not until he was released that he learned of the family dynamic shifts. His mother had remarried, 'in love' with a man Yaratık had never even heard of. The two of them had had a daughter together... two years ago. Completely unbeknownst to him, Yaratık had been an older brother for two years.
It took great willpower to not shatter his mother's sanity on the spot. It took great willpower to not strengthen his presence and induce a heart attack on his mother's new husband at first sight. As for his sister? There was not an ounce of ire towards her. By most standards, a two-year-old would never know better -- by most standards, a two-year-old would barely be capable of so much as forming memories. She was blameless. And, for that, Yaratık would not send their mother off the deep end and kill their father.
But, as Yaratık aged, he watched the favoritism towards his sister grow. Because they were still afraid of him. They were still afraid of what he could do. His mother, his killer, hugged him less and less. And the older he grew, the less he enjoyed his power.
When he reached high-school, he allowed himself to become entirely friendless. Everyone was either too dull or too dumb -- usually both. Of all things, he never would have assumed that a highly increased IQ would be a byproduct... but he was feeling rather Lovecraftian, was he not? If he was 6 when he was 2, if he was 11 when he was 5...
He began retreating to the shed he grew up in more and more often. He wrote... and he wrote... and he wrote. He painted... and he painted... and he painted. He dreamed... and he dreamed... and he dreamed.
-> Until he finally tried it.
He didn't know what the substance was, but it would change him, even if only for a moment. He felt himself begin to equal his peers in maturity and intelligence. He felt himself shine a little bit brighter. And, as soon as it came on, it wore off.
On this substance, he made friends (or, in some cases, reignited old friendships). On this substance, he was euphoric. On this substance, he enjoyed his power -- a little too much, perhaps.
The shed became his home again, no longer letting himself be subjected to his mother and her husband. He concocted just as many grand plans as he did poems. And one of those plans?
After his mother's mental breakdown and her husband's untimely heart attack, he threw Yaratık away. Ihsan, "perfection," was born.
When the time came for him to 'get a job,' so to speak, he relented to being a research subject for Sector 5. There were many things worth studying! ...including his brain on any drug that needed testing.
Falling in with The Damned was all but a given. The side effects of the virus could have been great! They could have wiped out humankind -- and it'd be a much better world that way.
Ihsan was never destined for greatness, but greatness he made himself become.
TIMELINE
BORN -- Cthulhu-coded motherfucker killed almost everyone in the delivery room, including his mutant father, by virtue of existing. If it weren't for the fact that I kinda need someone to do the snip snip and all that, it would've been everyone but his mom! But I needed someone to do the snip snip, so... just most people.
EARLY CHILDHOOD -- Tossed into a shed with the bare necessities + a stuffed life-sized doll, a la Harlow's monkey. Mom (Azra) came and went, just like their relationship.
AGE 2 -- Learned how to manipulate his form. The little guy is borderline Eldritch, so the little guy knew how to do shit before he should have!
AGE 7 -- Opened up about knowing how to control his form and got released from the shed. Learned his mother had remarried and had a 2y/o daughter.
LATE CHILDHOOD / EARLY ADOLESCENCE -- Observed the blatant favoritism. Began withdrawing into himself. Started hating his mutation. Returned to the shed more often to write #poetry and paint some so-totally-not-horrifying paintings.
MID-TEENS -- Was a friendless loser who spent every day in the shed because that Cthulhu IQ, amirite? Tried some unknown drug... and kept going back to it because he felt damn-near euphoric on it -- and suddenly everyone was just as smart as he was!
LATE-TEENS / EARLY-TWENTIES -- Became a research subject for Sector 5 with plenty of brains to pick and drugs to try for size. Joined The Damned -- humankind did enough harm, the virus should've wiped it out on its first run-through.
AGE 21 -- Drove his mother permanently insane and killed her husband (with the official cause of death being a heart attack). His sister was 17 by then! That's fine! Officially rebranded from "Yaratık" ("creature") to "Ihsan" ("perfection") soon after.
HEADCANONS
Although his true form is very Lovecraftian in nature, he's almost always in his 'skin suit.' But, even then, his eyes are hypnotic swirls. Black sclera with white spirals.
Within him, there are two wolves-
.
CONNECTION IDEAS
sibling but hold up for a sec lale <3
childhood friends who were loved then lost then loved again and maybe lost again but maybe not!
buddies in the damned!
some fuck-buddies!
someone who likes to get deep with eldritch!ihsan (see: not high!ihsan)
#me n maddie using the exact same traits <3 our minds <3#i will do the task tn but <3 since im tired and might not finish it by opening <3 i am posting what i wrote last night <3#(for reference <3 i will be a bizzee bee this weekend <3 ergo. i want to get things out <3)#no proofreading we die like men#(peter doesnt have anything yet bc <3 they're nice!!!!!! might just do the task for them bc theyre not dark!!!!!)
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INTRODUCING: FINS
⸻ ( king shark, 25, cis man, he/him ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that IN-27493 / FINS is a WASTE DISPOSAL WORKER / UNDERGROUND FIGHTER that works in SECTOR 8. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of SHARK PHYSIOLOGY. That must be why they’re HARD-WORKING and ALOOF. If you ask me, they remind me of long nights spent watching the sky, the scratch of sandpaper, and deep-set resentment. They are affiliated with NOBODY.
basic information:
character name: IN-27493
alias (es): fins
face claim: king shark ( alex hernandez )
mutation status: gen ii mutant ( shark physiology )
distinguishing mutations: walking shark.
birthday: march 14th
sexuality: bisexual
moral alignment: neutral good
occupation: waste disposal worker
work sector: sector 8
affiliation: neutral
3 positive traits: hardworking, reserved, polite
3 negative traits: resentful, aloof, insecure
character summary:
born in prison to an inmate, he has stayed in prison because of loophole laws and learned helplessness. mistrustful of the outside world and people in general, he has to learn to integrate himself to a world that's been primed to see him as a threat.
questionnaire:
how do they feel about living in sol city? have they always lived there or did they travel from another settlement?
living here all his life, it's hard to imagine living anywhere else, but he thinks about it all the time. what would have been different if he had been born in another place? or better yet, another time?
do they trust the council's leadership? why or why not?
he does to a certain extent, because that's what he's been told to do. i don't think real trust comes easily to him.
if they chose their sector and profession, why did they make that choice? if they didn't, why not? were they happy with their assignment or not?
he did not choose his sector, but is satisfied with what was chosen for him. mostly because again, that's what he's been told to do.
what's one object that they always keep on their person?
a notebook. :)
what is your character's ability (or abilities)?
shark physiology.
are they gen i or gen ii?
gen ii.
what can your character do? what are their strengths?
breath underwater, swim at high speeds, adapt to low-light environments, bite through almost any material, and possess a strength beyond both human and shark capacities.
what can't they do? what are their weaknesses?
hide what he is! he is permanently stuck partway between man and shark. while he is highly resistant to some forms of disease, anything that could cause fatal damage would kill him. he also doesn't do well in extreme heat or dryness and suffers fatigue and shortness of breath because of it.
is there anything else you'd like to specify about them?
he has a lot of love in his heart he is just afraid of showing it. </3
possible connections:
other prisoners: past, present, or... i don't know, future? since he lives there and tends to stand out, they would probably know each other somehow... maybe they could be(/come) friends.
bad influences: he is babey (sheltered as hell) someone could easily take advantage of that. doesn't have to be on purpose but ideally it would be!
competitors: he fights in an underground mutant fighting ring for bonuses ( through the guards and such ) in prison. i think would be fun to build the lore for that!
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song kang. thirty-one. cis man. he/him. ┊┊ cerberus corp has been watching BAE JUYEON. some of the public has dubbed them APOLLYON because of DEMON PHYSIOLOGY gifted by A ROBBERY TURNED DEADLY. having been an extra ordinary since 2023, they’re doing a good job at hiding HE LACKS CONSCIOUSNESS WHEN IN DEMON FORM. when they aren’t working their day job as a GAS STATION CLERK, they are fond of VIDEO GAMES and are never seen without A PHOTOCARD OF TWICE'S MOMO. at first glance they seem GENTLE & RESOURCEFUL, though their close friends know them to also be SKITTISH & WEAK-WILLED. they consider themself a CIVILIAN.
001. GENERAL
name: bae juyeon. nicknames: n/a. age: thirty-one. date of birth: march 10th, 1992. zodiac: pisces. place of birth: queens, new york. current residence: queens, new york. gender: cis man. pronouns: he/him sexuality: unlabeled occupation: gas station clerk
faceclaim: song kang. height: 6'2" tattoos: none. piercings: one on each ears.
positive traits: gentle, honest, resourceful, independent, caring. negative traits: skittish, weak-willed, introverted, quiet, gullible, scatterbrained. mbti: infp - the mediatior. likes: video games, stray cats, music, sleeping, working out, energy drinks. dislikes: working, talking to people, liars, hospitals. fears: heights, not being able to recognize himself. habits: fidgeting, tapping his foot on the ground.
002. EXTRA ORDINARY
near death experience… it's a normal night, working in jersey all while living in new york city, as if it sounded any more normal the longer juyeon thought about it. but it was the only job he could get, laid off from his fancy job as a game developer for someone more preppy and personable. he kind of hated it, especially considering he was forced to linger around the outside a shady, cheap gas station at night waiting to fill other people's gas for them. but he didn't totally hate it, and maybe that's what counts, right? even if he worked the night shifts and the station was somewhere in the outskirts he'd never been to beforehand.
it wasn't the dream job, definitely not his, but it paid the bills and if that meant covering a night where it was just him alone for hours, then he'd do what he had to do. juyeon never feared that kind of thing, he figured he was a big enough guy for it to provide him with at least some protection, even if he was much weaker mentally than his appearance would say. it's probably why in the heat of the moment, with someone holding a gun to his face and telling him to open the register, he does what they say, wanting nothing more than to just stay alive. he doesn't remember much, it's really just a blur and juyeon wonders if he'd pissed them off, and that was the reason they'd put a bullet in his head.
a couple days later and he's out of the hospital. theoretically, he shouldn't have lived, except somehow he did. or maybe he had died and come back to life. juyeon figured that hospitals charged extra for answers, and he couldn't afford to stay any longer.
power… if you ask juyeon, he'd say he looks like a monster. but a demon really would be more fitting. the pitch black eyes, the way he grows a few more inches and effectively hovers over anyone that's triggered a reaction. every ability of his is heightened while in demon form, from his strength to his speed, close to invulnerable to any attacks. his introverted and quiet personality takes on an aura of physical darkness, shadow and black smoke following behind him. he can form a demonic aura around himself, bright red and further enhances the destruction he can cause.
drawbacks / vulnerabilities… unfortunately, juyeon has abolutely no control over his "powers," given that he's barely been out of the hospital for a couple weeks. to him, watching the demon wreak havoc feels like an out of body experience, watching someone else turn into a monster instead of being one himself. he has no control over his conscious actions while in demon form, nor does he have any will over his mind. which means he's easily deceived and manipulated, his body becoming more of a weapon beyond his control than anything.
(if applicable) cerberus corp… they're been trying to hit his line but he doesn't answer phone calls from numbers he doesn't recognize! (sorry, mom's advice)
codename… he doesn't even about his own codename ngl... cerberus surely assigned it to him when they discovered he was an eo, but juyeon really just trying to pay his bills for the month and not accidentally destroy someone
002. WANTED CONNECTIONS
a best friend, probably someone that knows everything about what's happened to him, maybe was even the one to take him home from the hospital
other close friends!!
roommates because he spent all of his money working on useless stuff and didn't ever think to save anything
like one or two exes... why they broke up or if it was even important to them
maybeee a crush juyeon has on someone??? could be unrequited and he never even acts on it because he's like one of those little (tall and broad) guys just standing in the corner playing a game on his phone
cerberus agents watching him because he's like... dangerous
maybe a hookup or fling (not more than one bc he's a loser </3)
#* juyeon: about.#gun tw#cc.intro#my fastest intro omg!#(i did not proofread)#his hair is only semi short for now but who knows maybe he will lose his scissors some day ...
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ewan mcgregor. 51. cis man. he/him. ┊┊ cerberus corp has been watching VIRGIL RUSK. some of the public has dubbed them BESPOKE because of ADAPTIVE MONSTROUS PHYSIOLOGY/REGENERATION gifted by AN EXTRA ORDINARY INCIDENT THAT FUCKED UP AN ORDINARY DAY. having been an extra ordinary since 2021, they’re doing a good job at hiding A LACK OF CONTROL, SENSORY SENSITIVITIES, DEPENDENCE ON CERBERUS CORP R&D, and THE RISK OF COLLATERAL DAMAGE. when they aren’t working their day job as a DESIGNER, they are fond of PAINTING and are never seen without HIS SUNGLASSES; his eyes are where his mutation shows first. at first glance they seem PASSIONATE & CREATIVE, though their close friends know them to also be CRITICAL & VOLATILE. they consider themself a CIVILIAN. ┊┊ gray. they. 32. pst. none.
001. GENERAL
name Virgil Rusk
nicknames If you know, you know. If you don’t, safely presume you’re not allowed to invent your own.
age 51
date of birth may 22, 1972
zodiac gemini
place of birth Fort Worth, Texas
current residence New York City, though he has properties elsewhere, including a small ranch back home in Texas and and what he considers a tasteful, old-fashioned yacht.
gender cis man
pronouns he
sexuality homosexual
occupation Designer, publicly. Secretly, a “contractor” for Cerberus Corp, developing agent costumes to suit individual powers.
faceclaim Ewan McGregor
height 5’10”
tattoos Jesus - take a man to dinner before you dig up all his youthful indiscretions, why don’t you?
piercings Ears, though he doesn’t wear anything in them so much as he once did.
distinguishing features Preference for sunglasses, even indoors, especially at night. If you’ve gotten a too-close look at his eyes at the right moment, you might have caught a peculiar red-gold gleam in the back of his pupils - a tapetum lucidum, like an animal. This is only visible in dim to dark spaces with some source(s) of light, which the tapetum reflects.
positive traits Creative. Passionate. Generous. Energetic. Attentive to detail. Charismatic. Kinder than he pretends to be and warmer than that sleek, sharp-edged surface suggests.
negative traits Critical. Volatile. Perfectionistic. A workaholic. Contrary. Weaponized bluntness. More bitter than he wishes he was and more insecure than he’s been in decades.
labels / tropes Power at a Price, The Mind is a Plaything of the Body, Does Not Know His Own Strength, Not Quite Back to Normal, Stepford Smiler, Gone Horribly Wrong, Control Freak, Death Glare, In With the In Crowd, Married to the Job, Not in My Contract, Big Fancy House, Brutal Honesty, Genre Savvy, Insufferable Genius, Jerk With a Heart of Gold
likes Making things, just the wonder of turning an idea tangible. Lately, excuses for avoiding social functions. Skyscraper and mountainside views. People-watching. Art, especially very textural pieces.
dislikes Failing. Delegating. Repeating himself. Fucking meditation. Animals (they tend to react oddly to him, these days). Most of the noises your average cellphone makes. Those tacky scents everyone wears too damn much of. Bright lights, the loud kind. Pressure - which he used to love, or claimed to, anyway.
fears Losing control (in any sense). Loneliness. Change. Being stuck. (See, contrary.) Small spaces, including crowds and corners.
hobbies Painting. Sculpture. Reading. Photography. Mountaineering - no, really. Swimming. Sailing. Motorcycle tours, when he has the time, which is never lately.
habits Smoking. Scotch. Worse things, before his “heart attack.” Hand-talking, moreso in rare casual moments. Drawing while other people talk.
002. EXTRA ORDINARY
near death experience…
He doesn’t want to talk about the why, okay? (Stress. Spiraling thoughts. A bad day. That’s all. That’s it. And some ill-timed cocaine, maybe, sure.) Okay. But the what, well. Virgil's near-death event was a heart attack, a very normal way for a fast-living, never-off perfectionist with bad habits to go. Only, he didn’t. His mutation erupted, saving his life… and ending a few dozen others before Cerberus agents were able to subdue the frantic, destructive creature he’d become. This was a shitty first impression for everyone involved - including his monster, which, as the R&D team at Cerberus can attest, always manifests in a state of extremely dangerous distress. It tends to head directly for the nearest way out, and will throw itself at just about anything - or anyone - that gets in the way. Just hope that’s never you.
power…
Virgil can’t really use his abilities; he’s trying to avoid that at all, and it seems Cerberus agrees this is for the best. Any substantial stress or injury can kick off a pretty gruesome transformation into, well - something that’s not him. This mutated form will continue to mutate the longer he stays in it, reacting to the threats and circumstances it encounters - meaning the shape it takes is not entirely consistent. Based on the limited “stress testing” Cerberus attempted, it usually manifests as a chimerical Abz J. Harding grade horror. At first, it’ll be only slightly larger, overall, than Virgil; the more damage it sustains, the more it has to regenerate, the more aggressively it’ll scale up. Its strength and speed increase proportionally, and coupled with those talons and fangs, it’s well-equipped to make a mess.
drawbacks / vulnerabilities…
It’s all one big drawback, baby, as far as Virgil’s concerned. But to get specific, despite his regular “prescription” from Cerberus, he’s finding himself very sensitive to sensory input - bright light, loud noise, harsh smells, and some “off” tastes, in that order. So long as his power’s suppressed, he’s also prone to joint and muscle aches and general restlessness, up to and including insomnia, distractibility, and moodiness. Everything’s overwhelming, in other words. Any powers that push those buttons are going to be an issue. An EO that can actually “nudge” someone else’s powers or state of mind could be incredibly helpful or a major problem, depending which way they’re poking him - or his monster.
If he does get to change at all, how badly he’s affected by the turn back to his usual self depends on how long it’s been and how the turn came about. He’s got limited data on this, and none of it is promising. There’s the pain, which is excruciating. And the indignity. Disorientation! Vertigo! Nausea! Especially if he ate while transformed. He has difficulty remembering what went on, and what he does recall is disjointed, filtered through a different brain and body. Other vulnerabilities include the simple fact that once he’s turned, he doesn’t seem able to think clearly or really control his actions; his monster runs on instinct, and can’t be reasoned with. Not that it tends to inspire people to try diplomacy, which is unfortunate, as it reacts very badly to violence. So, what to do? A whopping dose of force to overwhelm his regenerative abilities/metabolism and a load of sedatives is all Cerberus really has to answer this question, for now, anyway…
cerberus corp…
Oh, no - he wasn’t “recruited.” Virgil was blackmailed, far as he’s concerned. It wasn’t like he could say no, sitting in a Cerberus Corp containment cell, faced with the hopeless-seeming horror of his situation. But as far as any of his agent “clients” know - those who didn’t respond to the disaster that started all this, at least - he’s just stopping in as a favour. Him and the founders go back, he says. And he just loves a challenge. Couldn’t resist. They’re only keeping these collaborations hush-hush for the sake of security, you see. Again, unless they were involved in containing what happened the first time his powers manifested, only high clearance Cerberus personnel would know he’s extra ordinary at all. Of course, the lower-level agents he costumes might have suspicions… especially as his mutation continues to be difficult to manage.
codename…
He’s heard it said around Cerberus; they have to put something on the paperwork, he supposes, and it’s better they use some ridiculous codename than his real one. If he ever hears his actual name in the mouth of a goddamn Cerberus agent, he’ll sue. That doesn’t mean he prefers that moronic sobriquet some shitheel came up with. Don’t call him that. Don’t call him anything, frankly. Forget he was ever here.
003. EXTRA
I’d love to put out connections for the following! THE HANDLER This is who deals with Virgil on Cerberus Corp’s behalf, arranging his “contracting” schedule and informing him of any adjustments needed to either his designs or his “prescription”; they might have been involved in corralling his monster after it first erupted, or may only be familiar with his powers through the testing notes Cerberus provides. Up to you! Either way, this is a testy dynamic to say the least. He’s been a hell of a handful for the year and change they’ve been “collaborating.”
Please don’t hesitate to propose connections! I’ll come up with more later!
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