#sorry for going on a bit just trust me when I say this is the short version dhdjgdjdy

[girlgenius1111]

sick day

alexia putellas x reader... mila fic illness strikes the putellas household, and alexia is determined to take care of her baby... even if she is sick too. you think about how far your wife has come. sickfic things :) soft mami alexia 🙂

Alexia’s alarm blared through the house, waking you up where you were passed out in the rocking chair in Mila’s room. Your daughter stirred, but was evidently too exhausted from keeping you up half the night to fully wake up. 

Somewhat grumpily, you stood up and stretched, before making your way to the bedroom. You were assuming Alexia had gotten up early and started to get dressed without turning off her alarm, leaving it to go off on her nightstand. When you walked into the room, though, and saw her still out cold in bed, you instantly knew something was wrong. You turned her alarm off and gently tried to rouse your wife. Her skin was hot to the touch, and you frowned, beginning to have an idea as to what was wrong with the blonde. 

Pushing a few sweaty strands of hair off her forehead, you watched as her face scrunched with discomfort. “Baby, wake up for me.” You murmured. 

Alexia just groaned in response, reaching out a hand to grab a fistful of your shirt, as if she was afraid you were going to go. 

“You’re really hot. Are you feeling okay?” 

Alexia shook her head mutely, squirming until she had kicked the covers away from one of her legs. You knew she was feeling bad, if only for the lack of jokes made about you calling her ‘really hot’. 

“Sick.” She mumbled pathetically, tugging on your shirt until you gave in and sat on the bed next to her. She snuggled into your side, radiating heat, and you tried not to flinch away when her warm cheek pressed onto your thigh. You carded your fingers through her hair, making a mental list of all the things you’d need to grab and make sure to do, the first of which being calling her out of training. Once you had texted the other captains, trusting them to pass the message along to the coaching staff, you focused back on Alexia. 

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well. Let me get you some medicine, okay?” 

You tried to slide out of her grasp, but she wouldn’t budge. Her arms remained wrapped around your leg, her cheek firmly planted against it. “No. Stay. Need you.” She murmured, not making very much sense. 

“I’m not going anywhere, I just want to grab something to help you feel better.” You told her, smiling a bit at the pout on her face, and the way she shook her head into you. 

“No. You make me feel better. Stay.” She insisted, pressing herself even further into you as if to prove a point. As you were about to respond, though, you heard a soft ‘Mama!’ come over the baby monitor, and Alexia shot upright. “Mila.” She said raspily, clearly delirious with fever as she tried to climb out of bed. You stopped her, gently pushing her to lie back down. 

“No. Stay.” You echoed her words from before. “I’ll check on Meels, you stay here.” 

“Bring her?” Alexia asked, relenting as she flopped back onto the pillows. 

You shook your head sympathetically, though. “No, I don’t want you to get her sick.” 

Alexia frowned but nodded nonetheless, gesturing for you to go to the baby, who was still making quite the racket. “Give her a kiss for me.” Alexia said sadly.

Alexia drifted off while you went to check on your daughter, picking her up and frowning at the heat coming off her skin as well. She whined, flopping into your chest without saying a word. 

Your wife startled awake when you reentered the room, looking surprised and concerned at the sight of a very grumpy baby in your arms. She was still in her pajamas, her cheek resting on your shoulder as she pouted, clearly feeling as awful as her Mami did. 

“Amor?” Alexia questioned, sitting up with a grimace as her head pounded at the movement. 

“She’s sick too, I think. She’s got a fever and she’s all stuffed up.” You commented. “So you two can be sick in here together.” You handed Mila to Alexia, heart almost bursting at the sight of Alexia carefully cradling her daughter to her chest and resting a hand on her forehead. Mila was still frowning, though she snuggled into Alexia as soon as she could. 

Alexia looked up at you in a panic. “She is really warm! We need to take her temperature and give her medicine and something to eat, and maybe some water, and we should call the doctor just in case,” 

“I’ve got it. I’ll take care of both my girls.” You assured her, pressing a lingering kiss to her hot forehead. “Just sit here with her while I get some stuff for you both.” 

You rushed around the house, gathering the thermometer, some crackers, adult and baby medicine, and snagging Mila’s plush bear that she was rather obsessed with, before heading back to your bedroom. You walked in, not really looking up at your wife before dumping everything onto the bed, and picking out the thermometer. You turned to Alexia, ready to wrangle her into letting you take her temperature, only to find her sniffling, her eyes suspiciously glossy. 

“Ale?” You said softly, stepping closer to cup her face in your hand. “Why are you crying?” 

“Did I get her sick?” Alexia asked tearfully, staring down at the slumbering baby. “Is she sick because of me?” 

You repressed a sigh, instead opting to lean forward and kiss your wife’s forehead. “Ale, you got sick today. You can’t have gotten her sick if she came down with it at the same time.” 

“Oh. Right.” Alexia sniffled. She settled back into the pillows, her arms keeping Mila held tightly against her. “I knew that. I can barely think straight, my head is all cloudy.” 

She sounded miserable, and you thought back to a time where Alexia would only admit what was wrong once she hit her absolute breaking point. 

—

You hadn’t thought about it, until that day, that in the entire year you’d been with Alexia, you’d never seen her sick. Either the woman had an insane immune system, or she didn’t let you see her sick. But with an important training session today, Alexia couldn’t avoid you like she normally would have. And for some reason, she was having a harder time than normal pretending she was okay. 

Her movements were sluggish, her eyes squinting from the sun in a way they normally never did. She’d barely had any water, and her hands shook whenever she pointed out where she wanted the ball. Everyone could see it, but no one had the guts to tell their captain that she looked like she shouldn’t be training. 

Well, no one but you. You’d watched on for long enough, hoping that she would take a break for herself, without anyone having to make her, but after she pushed away a water bottle handed in her direction, opting instead to glare off into the distance, you were tired of waiting. Her face had grown alarmingly pale, suddenly devoid of any color despite the high temperatures. Training was almost done anyway, and you quietly asked the coach for permission to try to get Alexia to step away and go home with you early. He easily agreed, able to see like everyone else that your girlfriend was barely still on her feet. It was alarming that she didn’t notice you speaking to him, even more alarming when she didn’t move even an inch when you grabbed her hand in yours. Normally, she didn’t like to be very physical with you at work, wanting to remain professional. 

“Ale?” You said gently. She just grunted in response, staring off at the sky with her jaw clenched. “Come on, baby.” 

You���d correctly clocked that she wasn’t speaking, for whatever reason, so she was unable to argue with you as you began to pull her towards the locker room. Her hand was clammy in yours, and she stumbled slightly next to you as you both walked. You wrapped an arm around her waist, steadying her. Only when you arrived in the changing room did you let go, guiding her to sit down on the bench in front of her locker. 

“Alexia?” You prompted, crouching down in front of her. She looked at you for the first time, eyes filling with tears. Hastily, you placed both your hands on her knees, trying to soothe her. “Talk to me.” 

“I… I might be a little sick.” She managed, blinking hard. “I’m okay, though. Really.”  

“Alexia.” You fixed her with a look which only made her look like a defiant toddler. 

She frowned at you, not used to being called out on the bullshit she spewed when she was sick. “It’s just a little… insect?” 

“A little bug.” You corrected with a smile, rubbing your thumb across her cheekbone affectionately. “Tell me your symptoms.”  

“No-”

“Alexia, we have a match this weekend and if you want to be better in time, you need to tell me how sick you are so I can help.” 

Alexia’s frown deepened, but she relented, dropping her head as she spoke. “Throat hurts. Really bad.” She croaked, coughing weakly into the crook of her elbow. “Head. Stomach. Nose is all… stuffed.” 

She seemed genuinely distraught to be so ill, like her body had betrayed her, which you supposed it had. But this is what happened when you ran yourself into the ground, not that you’d tell Alexia that right now. That lecture could wait. 

“Okay. We’re going to go home, take a shower, take some cold medicine, and you’re going to go right to bed.” 

“Amor,” She whined, looking longingly back out at the training ground. 

You scoffed. “I’m not asking Putellas. Get your bag.” 

With a sigh and a glare sent your way, she slipped her boots off and her slides on as you did the same. She stood, bag slung over her shoulder, looking absolutely miserable as you both began to make your way to the car. You reached for her hand, a bit relieved when she intertwined her fingers with yours; she wasn’t really mad, then. It was silent for a few moments, before her raspy voice pulled you from your thoughts.  

“Amor? Can you carry my bag?” She asked quietly, her face burning with shame… or maybe that was just the fever. Either way, you smiled encouragingly at her, nodding and throwing her bag over your shoulder. It was one of the first times Alexia asked you for help in a genuine, meaningful way, and it made you ridiculously happy. 

—

Alexia didn’t seem to have the same reservations now as she did then, and for that you were grateful. She dutifully opened her mouth to let you take her temperature, her fingers fidgeting with Mila’s wisps of hair. The baby was out cold on her Mami, letting out the smallest and most adorable snores you’d ever heard in your life. 

The thermometer beeped and you pulled it away to check the little screen, frowning down at the result. 

“What?” Alexia asked, feeling irrationally worried that her fever would be high enough for her to need to go see a doctor. 

“I don’t know, Ale. This says you’re really hot.” You said, eyebrows knit together as you looked back up at her. 

“Too hot?” 

You forced yourself to remain serious. “Maybe we should see a doctor… but I’m not sure who specializes in making people less sexy?”

Alexia’s frown gave way to a small smile before she forced a glare back on her face. “Tonta. You scared me!” 

“You were frowning too much, I had to do something.” You laughed, patting her cheek affectionately. “Just a small fever, don’t worry. Move Mila a bit so I can get hers?”

Alexia shifted her arms protectively around the baby. “Amor she’s sleeping, don’t wake her.” 

You rolled your eyes, picking up the other thermometer, the one that went across the forehead. “This won’t wake her.” 

Alexia stared at you as you took Mila’s temperature, smoothing the thermometer across her forehead.  “Why didn’t you use that one on me?” She asked, borderline pouting at this point. 

“Your head is too big for it.” You said casually, reaching for the box that had Mila’s baby medicine in it. 

“Hey!” Alexia protested. “I have a regular sized head!” 

You chuckled, reading the label on the back of the box to yourself before giving Alexia your attention. “Ale, amor, that is a baby thermometer.” 

“Oh.” 

“Oh.” You mocked, dodging her hand as it came out to lightly hit your arm. “She has to take her medicine with food, but her fever isn’t too bad yet so I think we can let her sleep. You should eat something so you can take something, though.” 

Alexia grew pale at your words, and she shook her head. “No thank you.” 

“Not hungry?”Alexia shook her head again, lips pressed tightly together. “Are you nauseous?” 

This time, you got a small nod. You handed her her water bottle, instructing her to take small sips. “You’re probably dehydrated. Let me get you some electrolyte water.” 

“And cough drops, please. And a cool washcloth for my head. And one for Mila’s. And-”

“I’ll get it all, Ale, don’t worry.” You promised, amused as you always were at how easily Alexia now allowed you to take care of her. 

“Thank you, amor.” She called out sweetly, shifting under the covers so that her and Mila were nice and tucked in.

You shook your head, impressed with Alexia for her growth, and honestly with yourself for forcing it. She had, once, been the most difficult patient.

—

It was routine, at this point, for you to show up at Alexia’s the morning after a match, coffee and pastries in hand. You and Alexia both needed time to unwind by yourselves, so you each spent the night at your own apartments, before spending the entire off day together. Really, both of you wished deeply that there was no night away from each other, but the prospect of bringing that up and seeming clingy terrified you both out of saying anything. 

You knocked, as you always did, expecting your girlfriend to quickly answer the door, still cozy in her pajamas, all ready to spend the day the way she most liked; with you. This time, though, there was no audible movement from the other side of the door, no Alexia greeting you with a soft smile and a peck on the cheek. You knocked again, torn between worrying for Alexia, and worrying that, somehow, you’d completely missed some signal that she didn’t want you to come over today. 

Before you could knock for a third time, though, the door opened, just a crack. Alexia looked horrible, her face sickly pale and a sheen of sweat visible on her forehead. She had a deep frown set on her face, one that you immediately matched. 

“Ale-?”

“Go home. Please.”

The thought of feeling rejected didn’t even cross your mind, too concerned by the raspy sound of your girlfriend's voice, the squint of her eyes as she looked at you. 

“What’s wrong baby?” 

“Just a headache. I’ll be okay tomorrow.” She rasped, attempting to shut the door on you. You shoved your foot in just in time, hearing her sigh as she allowed you to push your way into her apartment. All the shades were drawn, every light off, and you quickly shut the door behind you, stopping the flood of light from the hallway. Alexia relaxed minutely after you did so, though she continued to try to get you to leave. “Amor, please. I just need quiet and sleep.” 

For a moment, you felt unsure of yourself. The last, and only, time you’d seen Alexia sick, it had been a quick 24 hour thing, and there wasn’t much you could do for her. There wasn’t much she’d let you do for her, other than dropping her off at home and allowing you to make sure she had cold medicine in her cabinet. 

You reached out, placing your hand on her arm, feeling slightly emboldened by the way she leaned into the contact. “You can have quiet and sleep even if I’m here taking care of you.” 

Alexia shook her head, grimacing at the motion. “No, it’s your day off. Go do something fun, you don’t have to be here with me.” 

You gave her an odd look, taking her hand in yours as you began to pull her back to her bedroom. “I want to be here. Besides, I won’t have any fun knowing you’re miserable here all by yourself.” 

“But amor,”

“No, Ale. I’m staying.” 

Acting more confident than you felt, you guided her towards her bed, shoving gently at her arms to get her to sit down on the edge. She slumped down, barely having the strength to hold herself up, let alone argue anymore with you. You sighed sympathetically, cradling her cheek in your hand. 

“Just a headache?” You asked doubtfully. 

Alexia let out a noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a groan, opening her eyes to blearily look at you. “Maybe… maybe it is a migraine.” 

“Maybe.” You scoffed quietly, guiding her to lay down and pulling the covers up around her. “I’ll let you sleep in a minute, but have you taken anything?” 

Your girlfriend’s grimace deepened. “No. I do not need anything.” 

“Ale-”

“I said no.” Alexia snapped, guilt panging in her chest at the hurt look on your face. She knew, logically, that you were just trying to help but the prospect of taking medicine, of admitting that she really wasn’t okay was completely terrifying to her. She didn’t want to admit any weakness, especially not to you. She had to be the strong one. That was the role she’d always played in relationships, the role she played in life, and she didn’t intend for that to change now. 

Alexia had to be okay, so that she could make sure you were okay. 

Ridiculously, she felt tears cloud her eyes, a few threatening to fall as you turned around and walked out of her room without another word. She didn’t object, thinking that you were leaving, and she deserved nothing less with the way she’d treated you today. The blonde remained silent as she cried, squeezing her eyes shut as if that would lessen the pain in her head, and in her chest. Only now that you were gone did she realize how much she wanted you to just… be here with her. 

Too focused on breathing through her tears, she didn’t hear you walking back into the room until you were right next to the bed, thumb brushing a tear off her cheek. 

“You’re okay, love. You’re going to feel better soon, please just take these for me.” You requested, holding out your hand in which a few pills sat. Alexia’s eyes blinked open in surprise, her lip trembling as she looked up at you in wonder. She reached for the pills, still completely silent, taking them dry.  

“I am sorry.” She rasped after a second. You reached for her water, brows knitted together as you tried to work out what she was apologizing for. “You can go. You do not have to stay, I understand.” 

You shook your head, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and pushing her hair out of her face. It was down, probably only making her hotter, and you made a mental note to put it up for her when you had a second. 

“Ale, I told you. I’m not going anywhere.” You promised, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Can I get you to eat something?” 

Your girlfriend still looked very confused. “N-no. I tried to eat and it didn’t go well.” She blushed heavily at the statement, but you didn’t look phased at all, continuing to stroke her hair. 

“Okay. Just small sips of water then. Anything else you need, baby?” 

Again, Ale shook her head. “No, I am okay. I am fine, amor, please do not worry or feel like you have to stay, I really feel fine-”

You cut her off, covering her mouth with your hand. She looked affronted, and you fought back a smile. 

“I’m staying, Alexia. And please stop saying you’re fine, you aren’t. It’s okay, you don’t have to be fine.” 

The blonde just blinked at you before slowly nodding her head. Her eyes were beginning to droop, her grip on your shirt loosening just slightly. 

“Okay, close your eyes. I’m just going to grab one more thing and then I’ll be back.” 

It only took a few minutes for you to grab a small towel out of her linen closet and wet it with cool water before returning to her room. Alexia’s eyes weren’t shut. Instead, they were open, tracking your every movement as she fought sleep. She sighed in relief when you laid the towel across her forehead, though she still clearly refused to let herself sleep, gaze still fixed on you. 

“Thank you.” She said softly, the words feeling inadequate, yet the look in your eyes told her that you understood how grateful she was in that moment. 

“Of course, baby. Do you need anything else?” 

Alexia hesitated for a moment, stealing herself before she took a deep breath and patted the spot on the bed next to her hopefully. You smiled at her, the sunshine smile she always got lost in, the sight of it making the pain in her head dull for just a moment. 

Before getting under the covers with her, you took your shirt off and discarded it onto the floor, for your benefit as much as hers. Alexia was absolutely radiating heat, but you didn’t dare pull the covers away from her while she was awake. 

Finally, you slid into the bed with Alexia. Nudging the midfielder forward, you situated yourself behind her, allowing her to rest back against your body. Her warm cheek turn to settle against your chest, and even though the towel touching your skin gave you chills, you were happy to provide her a bit of comfort. 

“Feeling a bit better?” You asked, brushing a piece of hair away from her sweaty forehead. 

“Yeah.” She admitted. 

She really was. Her head already felt better from the medicine, her body temperature wasn’t as suffocating, and the comfort she got from the feeling of being held by you was inexplicable. 

“You are… good medicine.” She mumbled, hands resting over where yours lay across her stomach. 

You smiled, pressing a kiss into her hair. Sick Ale, when she wasn’t being ridiculously stubborn, was incredibly adorable. 

—

It was this same medicine that Alexia preferred, even now. Years had passed, and she still swore that laying in your arms made her feel better than any pill she could take. Evidently, Mila agreed, because she’d spent the day either sprawled across either Alexia’s chest or yours. 

She stubbornly turned away from the little cup of medicine you tried to get her to take, grumpily grumbling into her Mami’s shirt as she hid from you. 

“Mila,” you laughed, running your nails up and down her back. The baby just grunted, though she’d started talking in earnest recently, phrases and sentences coming along nicely though she preferred one word answers most of the time. “Come on, baby. It’ll make you feel better.” 

“No.” Mila declared, clinging tightly onto Alexia’s shirt as if her Mami wouldn’t make her take the medicine she so despised. Which, in any other case, would have been accurate. Now, though, Mila’s temperature was high and she looked completely miserable. The medicine was necessary, and you both knew it. 

“Mila, venga.” Alexia pried her baby’s hands off her shirt, turning her around so there was nowhere for her to hide. Mila promptly burst into tears at the sight of you still sitting on the edge of the bed, the red liquid in hand. Alexia shushed her, sitting up with a frown, growing paler as she did so. 

“Don’t want it,” Mila sobbed, looking pleadingly between you and your wife. 

Alexia looked at you, and you looked right back at her. Being sick wouldn’t get Alexia out of having to play the bad cop; you’d made it clear that Alexia couldn’t just rely on you to be strict with Mila after the 10th time she picked Mila up from her tummy time before she was done. 

“I’ll take it with you, cariño, sí? You take your medicine, and Mama will put on a movie for you, and you can have some ice cream. Okay?” 

You rolled your eyes at the bribery, though you really didn’t care and were moments off of doing the same thing. 

“Okay.” Mila huffed dramatically, glaring as you brought the medicine to her lips. “No! Mami first.” 

“Vale, vale” Alexia chuckled, taking the cup from your hand and tossing it back easily. Mila watched her closely, looking somewhat placated when your wife didn’t make a face. You refilled the cup, smiling proudly when Mila allowed you to tip it into her mouth. She made a face, spluttering unnecessarily at the taste. 

“Yucky!” She exclaimed, frowning at the bottle of children's medicine until you put it on the nightstand, out of sight. “Ice cream.” 

“Okay, princesa. Ice cream.” You agreed, kissing her on the forehead and heading out of the room, not thinking to glance at your wife’s face. 

Something you would regret when you entered the room again, the question of if Mila wanted sprinkles or not on the tip of your tongue, only to find the two and a half year old sitting by herself on the bed, eyes fixed on the TV. 

“Mila? Where is Mami?” You wondered, glancing towards the bathroom door but not seeing a light coming from underneath. 

Wordlessly, Mila pointed to the bathroom, entranced by the movie playing. 

With a frown you walked to the bathroom door, knocking and waiting a beat before pushing it open. Alexia was hunched over the toilet, trying in vain to keep the sound of her being sick quiet. 

“Oh, Ale,” you sighed, leaving the door open a crack behind you before crouching down at your wife’s side. 

She finished, leaning back into you with an exhausted sigh. You flushed the toilet and allowed your wife to settle back against your chest. 

“Joder.” She swore. “That medicine is horrible, mi amor. I almost threw up all over Mila.” 

You laughed, running your hand up and down her abdomen. “I’m sorry, love. You were very brave.” 

She pouted slightly, sitting up off you and attempting to climb to her feet. “I’m just glad Mila didn’t throw up.” 

You got up too, wrapping an arm around her waist when she took an unsteady step towards the door. “Ale, don’t say that yet–”

As you were about to finish your sentence, almost as if she understood comedic timing, Mila shouted out from the bedroom. 

“Mami! Don’t feel good,” she cried, a tremble to her voice that told you what was coming. Abandoning Alexia in favor of saving your sheets, you moved as fast as you could out of the bathroom and to Mila’s side, arriving just a second too late. You rubbed her back as she threw up onto the bed, cringing internally at what cleaning this up would entail. Alexia stepped out of the bathroom, face going white again at the sight in front of her, wordlessly holding out her arms for Mila. 

“Bath time, mija.” She said soothingly, picking her daughter up and looking at you. “I can change the bedding once–”

You rolled your eyes fondly, gently nudging her towards the bathroom door. “No, Ale. I’ll handle the bed. You get her cleaned up.” 

Alexia nodded wearily, knowing full well she would only be capable of getting Mila clean before she collapsed back onto the bed in exhaustion. Hopefully, onto some clean sheets. 

“Sorry, Mami.” Mila whimpered, clinging on tight to your wife as she was carried into the bathroom. 

“It’s alright, Mija. I threw up, too. It happens. We just have to rest until we feel better, vale?” 

You smiled, beginning to pull the sheets off the bed. Ale had come so far her somewhat self destructive habits fading with time, and with love from you. She liked to take care of herself, now, if for no other reason than to be a good example for her daughter. 

You ended up under the fresh sheets and covers an hour later, your wife settled between your legs, back to your chest. You ran your fingers through her hair and she did the same to Mila, her daughter laid directly on top of her, dressed in a clean, fuzzy onesie. Mila was so much like your wife, and you were grateful for that every day. 

“Cariño? Do you want to take some more medicine?” Alexia wondered, rubbing her hand over her daughter’s back. After the earlier… incident… you’d agreed not to push the medicine issue, especially since Mila’s fever had dropped. 

Mila frowned up at her Mami, shoving her face into Alexia’s shirt. 

“No. Cuddles.” She grumbled. 

Alexia chuckled, kissing the top of her daughter's head. 

“Sounds familiar.” You noted, smiling softly at the shy grin on your wife’s face. "She's just like you."

“Yeah.” She agreed. “Thank you, amor.” 

Whether she was thanking you for Mila, or also reminiscing on her old stubborn self, you didn’t know. You just kissed her temple, happy to have given it all to her. 

“I love you.” You told her. 

“I love you too.” She whispered back. 

“Me?” Mila piped up, sniffling as she sat up and looked at the two of you expectantly. You and Alexia both laughed, your wife pulling Mila back down to lay against her. 

“Of course you, too, silly.” You said. 

“We love you the most.” Alexia promised. 

—

this has been in my drafts for. at least 3 months. maybe more. hope you enjoy :)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Just Friends: Sleepover

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Bucky Barnes

masterlist

Summary: Bucky sleeps over.

It’s giving

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“Should be good as new,” Bucky sits back on the footstool and rubs his neck. “Don’t know about me, though.” 

You lean on the counter with a sheepish smile, “I told you, I’d call the landlord.” 

“Uh huh? And try to light this thing in the meantime? You’d set yourself on fire,” he closes the over door and stands. “I like you unsinged, dreamy.” 

“I have a microwave,” you roll your eyes. 

“Oh, you mean the one that sparks and sounds like military tank?” He challenges as he packs up his toolbox. 

“It makes the food hot,” you rebuff. 

“Uh huh. Maybe the radiation is getting to ya,” he teases as he puts the box on the counter. 

He stretches his arms and as he brings them down, he yawns, covering his mouth. He turns his other wrist to check the time. 

“God, it’s late,” he says. 

“Is it--” you choke on your words as you see the time on the stove. “Oh gosh, Buckyyy.” You whine. “You shouldn’t have stayed so long.” 

“And let you burn this place down? You’re going to give me flashbacks. God, I think it was... 1938. Steve was living with his ma still, taking care of her, and he left some newspapers by the stove...” 

“1938...” you echo. “Right, I’m not going to say it.” 

“You better not,” he pokes you in the ribs playfully. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t waste any more of your time. You know, I’ll be just fine walking through the dark. I might get overtime pay if I can wrangle in some hoodlums--” 

“Oh, stop,” you huff, “I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow. I know the couch is a bit small.” 

“Ah, doll, you don’t gotta--” 

“God, you sound like such an old man. ‘Doll, you want a lozenge?’” You mock as you throw your hands up. “Can’t anyone do something nice for you?” 

“What? What do you mean? I’m joshing ya,” he follows you as you spin and march out of the kitchen. 

“Sure, I know. Always a joke with you.” 

“What is this about? The date?” He asks. 

“Well... I thought you’d be more excited,” you shrug. “I was really excited for you. Now I feel like I’m forcing you.” 

“You kinda are,” he leans again the wall as you open the closet, the door blocking him from your view. 

“Forcing you to go out with a sophisticated, gorgeous, woman? I know, it’s torture.” 

“Trust me, I know what torture is. It’s not a joke,” he crosses his arms. You blanch. 

“I-- sorry, I didn’t mean--” you stutter as you kick the door shut. 

He laughs, “got ya again.” He taps the end of your nose then takes the blanket from you. “Relax, I said yes. I’ll put on a tie and comb my hair. Look human.” 

“Awesome,” you smile and he squints. 

“Mm, and you always do that,” he accuses. “Those puppy dog eyes.” 

“I’m more of a cat person,” you giggle. “There’s a pillow on the back of the couch and—oh, want a hot chocolate. I usually have one before bed.” 

“Hot chocolate?” He repeats as he goes to the couch and drops the blanket on top. 

“Sure! I got the oreo stuff.” 

“Nah, I’m good,” he sits and rolls his shoulder. 

“Well, you snooze, you lose. More for me,” you tilt your head and skip back into the kitchen. You flip the kettle on and sweep back into the living room. 

“What about you?” Bucky asks before you can leave him. “You still coming? You find someone?” 

“Oh, I’ll be there but I’m still looking for a date,” you say. “Don’t worry, I got a few ideas.” 

“Right, lined up the block, huh?” 

You stick your tongue out and flit into the bedroom, “whatever.” 

You close the door behind you and change into your pajamas. The fluffy pink shorts go perfectly with the tee with the bunny on the front. You step into your slippers and go back out. 

As you come out, Bucky pushes his hair back and groans. He has his shirt off as he sits back and pushes his arms wide. He cracks his neck again as your eyes meet. 

“Last call for hot chocolate?” You offer. 

“No thanks,” he says as he leans forward. 

You smile and scurry into the kitchen. The tension rises with the steam of the kettle. You weren’t expecting to see him like that. Well, it’s just his chest and his abs. Abs? He has abs. Holy moly.  

You look down and poke your pudge. Maybe he can give you some tips. You peel back the lid from the canister of chocolate powder; a start would be cutting down on the sweets. 

The hardwood shifts and his footsteps circles around to the kitchen door. You glance over as you spoon the mix into a mug. You put the lid back on and shove the can back into the cupboard. 

“Water?” He asks. 

“Sure, fridge,” you point. 

The kettle clicks and you take it of its heater. You pour and glance over as Bucky pulls open the fridge. He bends to search the mostly bare shelves. You’re overdue for a shop. 

“The jug should be--” the water laps over the side of the mug and hits your fingers. “Ow! Ayeee!” 

You slam the kettle down and shake your hand. Bucky’s so fast, you squeal as he grabs you and spins you to face the sink. He flips the cold water on and shoves your hand under the flow. You whine again at the frigid splash. 

“Ah, Bucky, I’m fine. It’s just a little water,” you tug but he keeps a hold of you. 

“I told you to be careful,” he huffs. “You should pay attention.” 

“I was trying to help,” you say. 

“And I’m tryna help you stay outta trouble,” he reproaches. 

“I’m okay. Really, it’s nothing.” You shut off the tap and wriggle free of his grasp. “See?” 

The burn stings but it’s nothing you can’t handle. You’re more affected by his suddenness. You can feel his hard strength throbbing in your wrist. If he didn’t want to let go, he wouldn’t have to. That thought needles behind your ears. 

He drops his shoulders, “sorry, dream. Really. I was just... you scared me, you know? I hear ya make those noises and I get a bit... uptight.” 

You exhale and give a small smile, “no, I... appreciate it. I mean, you can’t turn hero mode off, can ya?” 

He chuckles and the air thins, “yeah. Guess that’s what you can call it.” 

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Some of @render-me-usless' Fav Fics!

If you want to make me a list let me know in IM. You can do whatever you want, fave fics, fav tropes or even check out the pending asks page and fill one of those.

Where to Search for Snow by suburbanmotel

(1/1 I 8,954 I Mature I Sterek)

Stiles and his Gigantic Repressed Feelings accidentally affect the weather. A lot. Like. A lot.

//

  “It’s snowing, Stiles,” says Derek.

Stiles looks up. He nods. “Yeah. Yeah it is.”

Derek looks at him. “It’s snowing, Stiles. In your bedroom.”

Stiles and the Seven Wolves by SylvieW

(1/1 I 10,421 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles is Snow White, Kate is the Evil Queen, and when Chris the Huntsman doesn't kill him, he runs off to live with seven werewolves.

Somewhere to Start by Lissadiane

(1/1 I 33,552 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles has always known that he isn't quite human - the plant life that tends to sprout around him whenever he gets upset or excited gives it away. He's never really fit in among the regular people in Beacon Hills and is determined to wait it out, go to college, and find somewhere to belong. He's forced to abandon those plans, however, after he desperately agrees to enter into an arranged marriage to save his father's life.

An arranged marriage with an angry, sometimes furry dude with trust issues. It's all very Beauty and the Beast, without the singing candlesticks.

Waiting by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

(2/2 I 81,018 I Teen I Sterek)

Not wanting to think on it too much, Stiles took a step forward and passed his hand between the bars, moving the bleeding side closer to Derek’s mouth.

“Not too close, he bites.”

Stiles snatched his hand away just as Derek had been about to lick at it. The snarl he got in response was not comforting.

“He what?” Stiles asked nervously, turning to Deaton.

The man looked a little amused. “Don’t worry, only if he doesn’t like you.”

“Well, he probably hates me, now!” Stiles insisted, turning back to Derek.

He looked extremely displeased.

Three Marks by sanam

(8/8 I 113,736 I Mature I Sterek)

"And then there was pain again, but this time it was in only three places—his arm, below his clavicle, and next to his heart, all on the left side. It felt like the skin was being sliced apart, ripped open, flayed off— And suddenly it was done. Derek looked across the room and saw the boy on the floor, looking about as bad as Derek felt."

Derek and Stiles learn that bonding is probably best done with ridiculous amounts of video games and maybe a little bit of time.

A Desperate Arrangement by mikkimouse

(25/25 I 115,506 I Explicit I Sterek)

"I'm sorry, I believe there's something wrong with my hearing," Stiles said. "Because I could have sworn you just told me you set up a betrothal agreement with the Hales. A betrothal agreement involving me. Me."

Scott smiled his easygoing smile and nodded, which told Stiles no, he hadn't misheard a damn thing.

After seven years of lengthy negotiations, the treaty between the Hales and the Argents has fallen apart and the two countries fell into war.

Months later, there's an uneasy truce, thanks to the intervention of King Scott McCall, but it won't last. In a desperate attempt to maintain the peace, the Hales sign a treaty with the McCalls to marry Prince Derek to Prince Stiles Stilinski, King Scott's brother.

In the history of the world, there have been many better ideas.

Black and Blue by charlotteinlace

(50/50 I 209,549 I Explicit I Sterek)

Stiles knows what he should be doing, finding a good Dom and seeing a few dozen therapists. But that shit can wait, right now he's got a gang to infiltrate and a murderer to find. A murderer who killed his father.

[sierra-r-a-e]

Hyyy , love you work🩷 do you mind doing kento being a little bit mean due to frustration or maybe jealousy? Thank you 🎀

Hii, Thank you for requesting!! I’m sorry it’s so late though! 🎀

cw: jealous!nanami, orgasm denial, jealousy(obviously), hair pulling, edging, squirting

Nanami Kento was never one for being jealous, he didn’t care who you hung out with or was friends with, he trusted you.

It was when you purposefully flirted with one of his coworkers to get a rise out of him, that’s when he really gets fed up.

The two of you were attending one of his fancy work gatherings when he spotted you standing and laughing with Gojo, being casually touchy with him. He knew you were doing it on purpose because you glanced over at him, making sure he was watching.

That’s how you ended up in this position— Kento behind you, one of his hands gripping a fistful of your hair, the other pinning you hands behind your back as he pounded into you from behind.

“m’ sorry-“, you say through a moan, trying your best to speak despite the overwhelming pleasure from the pace of his thrusts.

“Yeah? You’re sorry?” He said through gritted teeth, pulling you up onto your knees by the hold he had on your hair and wrists. “You didn’t seem to sorry when you were having a good time with Gojo, now did you?” He grunted, his mouth right near your ear as he roughly pounded into your sopping hole.

You knew you shouldn’t be getting off on his frustration and jealousy— but god, it was so hot.

The hand he he’d been using to pin your wrists behind your back now reach around to your front and to your clit, rubbing tight circles into the bud.

You knew you definitely weren’t going to last long, especially not if he kept this up. In fact, it only took a few more thrusts before you felt the familiar sensation of an impending orgasm bubbling up in your abdomen.

“Ken, m’ so close,” you warned, barely able to form a coherent sentence. “You’re not allowed to cum until I say so, understood?” He spoke, the grip he had on your hair tightening, his hand then landed a light slap to your clit.

Your knees were beginning to weaken, but his strong arms kept you upright as he roughly thrusted his hips into you; the sound of his pelvis hitting your ass creating a lewd slapping sound that echoed through your bedroom.

“Please~”, you begged him. Hot, frustrated tears forming in the corners of your eyes and rolling down your cheeks. His hand was now rubbing torturously slow circles into your sensitive nub, letting your orgasm build up, then edging you by pulling his hand away.

“You can hold on a little longer,” he grunted, his voice more gravelly than before. You could tell he was close from the way he’d twitch every time your dripping cunt clenched around him.

“I’ll let you cum if you promise to behave from now on, got it?” He said, giving a firm tug on your hair, making you moan.

“I— I promise,” you spoke, hardly able to think straight at this point. “Cum for me then, sweetheart”, he commanded, his hand now expertly rubbing at your puffy clit.

With a loud moan of his name, you came hard, this being one of the rare times you squirted all over his cock. The way your pussy convulsed around him so deliciously had him reeling.

He came almost immediately after you, his arms trapping you against his muscular body as he shivered from pleasure.

Once the two of you came down from your respective highs, he spoke, “You know I know that you flirted with Gojo on purpose just to make me jealous, right?”

As always, he had managed to see right through you and your little schemes.

a/n:

yall i have had a rough month. first of all im in the marching band so that takes up a lot of my time, and the free time i do have, i spend it sleeping.

second of all, people threatened to shoot up my school twice like why are they going for colleges now 💀

anyways i’m sorry this has been sitting in my drafts(unfinished) for an entire month. i hope you like it, im currently exhausted as im writing this so it’s not my best work

anyways thank you so much for reading!!

[divider credits: @/anitalenia]

[starsenha]

[16] ABOUT THE BOY - completely whipped

synopsis: You were the queen of Decelis University. Everybody worshipped the ground you walked on. You were used to having what you wanted when you wanted it. Until the day when park sunghoon arrived, and things changed.

You walked in, your heels clicking softly against the polished marble floor as you made your way to the private corner where Heeseung had reserved a table. You spotted him immediately, his arms crossed, his expression a mix of concern and frustration.

Taking a deep breath, you approached the table, your heart beating a little faster than usual. You knew this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, but it was one you couldn’t avoid.

“Hey, Heeseung,” you said softly.

He looked up, his intense gaze softening just slightly when he saw you, but the concern was still there, etched in his face.

“You had me worried sick, yn,” Heeseung said firmly.

You bit your lip and slid into the chair opposite him, noticing how his eyes scanned you, as if checking to make sure you were really okay.

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry,” you said sincerely.

Heeseung sighed, leaning back in his chair but not relaxing completely. “You can’t just disappear like that, yn. I get that you needed space, but you know you can come to me. Why didn’t you?”

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. “It wasn’t about you, Hee. I just… I needed to get away, and I didn’t want to drag you into it.”

He frowned, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re never dragging me into anything, angel. We’re supposed to be in this together, remember?”

You nodded, guilt tugging at your heart. “I know, and I’m sorry. But after what happened with my dad… I just couldn’t face anyone. Not even you.”

His expression softened a bit at the mention of your father, but the frustration in his voice didn’t disappear completely. “What happened? You’ve never just disappeared like that before. What did he say?”

You hesitated, your eyes dropping to the table as you recalled your father’s harsh words. “The usual, but it just… it got to me more.”

Heeseung nodded slowly, still upset but trying to understand. “So, where did you go? You said you were with Sunghoon?”

You braced yourself for the part of the conversation you’d been dreading. “Yeah, I went to his place. He noticed something was wrong, and he offered to take me somewhere safe. So I went with him.”

His eyes narrowed, his posture stiffening. “Sunghoon? Why him, yn? You barely know the guy.”

You winced at the harshness in his tone but knew you had to be honest. “I don’t know, Heeseung. It just… it felt right at the moment. He was really sweet, and he listened to me. We talked for hours, and I felt safe with him.”

Heeseung’s expression darkened, jealousy and distrust simmering beneath the surface. “Safe with him? yn, he’s just some guy who showed up out of nowhere. You can’t trust him like that.”

Feeling defensive, you replied firmly, “He was there for me when I needed someone. He didn’t try anything, didn’t push me. We just talked, and then we… we slept in the same bed, but that was it. Nothing happened.”

His eyes flashed with anger, but you couldn’t tell if it was directed at you or at Sunghoon. “You slept in his bed? Are you serious? You didn’t think to call me? I could’ve come to get you.”

You sighed, rubbing your temples as you tried to explain. “I didn’t want to drag you into it, Heeseung. You would have tried to fix everything, and I wasn’t ready for that. I just needed to be with someone who wasn’t going to try to fix me—just someone who would listen.”

Heeseung clenched his jaw, his frustration evident. “And you think Sunghoon’s that person? He’s still getting over Chaeyoung. He’s not stable, and you don’t know what he wants from you.”

You felt your heart sink at the reminder of Sunghoon’s recent breakup. “I know, but… it wasn’t like that, Heeseung. I just needed a friend, and he was there.”

He shook his head, his eyes filled with concern and something else—something you had seen before but never wanted to acknowledge. “Angel, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you, always. But please… be careful with him. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

You reached across the table, placing your hand over his. You could feel the tension in his grip, but you squeezed his hand gently, trying to reassure him. “I know. And I’m sorry I didn’t come to you. But I need you to trust me on this. I’m figuring things out, and Sunghoon’s helping me in his own way. But you’re still the person I rely on the most.”

Heeseung’s eyes softened slightly, but the worry didn’t leave his face. “I just don’t want you to end up hurt. You mean too much to me.”

You smiled sadly, understanding his concern. “I’ll be careful. I promise. But please, don’t be mad at me. I hate it when we fight.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to calm himself down. “I’m not mad, angel. Just… worried. But I trust you. Just… if things get too complicated, come to me, okay? Don’t shut me out again.”

You nodded, feeling a wave of relief. “I promise, hee. I’ll come to you. I just… I needed this, even if it wasn’t what you wanted for me.”

He squeezed your hand, finally relaxing a bit as he gave you a small, weary smile. “Alright. Just know that I’m here, no matter what. And if Sunghoon steps out of line…”

You laughed lightly, rolling your eyes. “He won’t. But I’ll let you know if he does.”

He chuckled, finally letting go of the tension that had been hanging over you both. “Good. I’ll be keeping an eye on him.”

You smiled, grateful for his unwavering support, even when it came with a side of overprotectiveness. Despite everything, you knew Heeseung only wanted the best for you, and you valued your friendship more than anything. As the conversation continued, the tension eased, and you felt comforted knowing that Heeseung would always be there for you, no matter what.

previous / m.list / next

TAGLIST: @arimiu @eleanorheartschishiya @i03jae @beomsitez @hoonatic @rep-hoon @invuzzn @naoyiie @sunhyeswife @sophi-ee @heeseungismymanz @istglevi-gotmesimping @jiaant11 @lakoya @noname-123s-things

[whorediaries-09]

don't be afraid of me;

another year, another october. that means it's time to host kinkotober for my lovelies.

the diner

i know we're meant to be

last year i couldn't publish fics on all the days because i got lazy. even though publishing fics everyday wasn't the initial choice, i think i skipped out a bit too much, so that's why i'm publishing this post early to collect requests. i don't really like to do these events without discussing with my lovelies, so that's another factor as to why i'm posting this early!

but please do keep in mind that i'll upload fics when it's comfortable for me incase i get overwhelmed.

you can request through the list of kinks, au's, and prompts listed down below. you can also request a kink not listed down below if you want to read a fic with that kink.

please keep in mind i will not write your request if it crosses my boundaries. while sending in requests, please be kind and respectful. this is a safe space for me and the people who read and interact with my content.

bet i could change your life

kinks i will write for:

Sizeplay

Dacryphilia

Over-stimulation

Edging

Breeding

Degradation

Praise

Knife Play

Choking

Temperature play

Collars

Orgasm control

Toys (please be specific)

Mirror Sex

Blindfolds

Begging

Roleplay

Shower-sex

Manhandling

Biting

Nicknames

Threesomes

Hair pulling

Oral

Lingerie

Angry sex

CNC

Phone sex

Squirting

Body worshipping

you could be my wife

dialogues and prompts:

'you can't expect me to do all the work. i want to see what that pretty mouth of yours can do.'

'be good and i'll let you cum'

'we're going to fuck right here? what if someone sees us?'

'do whatever you want to me. i'm yours to use.'

'your body was made for me.'

'you keep your hands where they are. or do i need to to tie them up?'

'let me cum in you. please, let me fuck my babies into you.'

'i'm sorry what was that? i can't hear you over all the noises your pretty mouth is making.'

'begging is a good look for you.'

'so good for me. look at the mess you've made.'

'do what you want. but you better make it good otherwise i'll kill you.'

'use your words.'

'tell me what you want.'

'you take me so well.'

'spread your legs wider.'

'say my name.'

'i love it when you act all controlling like that knowing damn well I can leave you shaking under me.'

'close your eyes.'

'you're not playing fair.'

'tighter.'

'make me yours.'

'swallow. all of it.'

'don't hold it.'

'wrap your legs around my waist.'

'you're so fucking hot.'

'that noise....keep making it.'

'mark me. mark me so everyone knows who I belong to.'

'you want gentle? wrong fucking address'

'have a little trust in yourself. i know you can take it.'

'we both know how much you're going to enjoy this.'

'i'm waiting for your permission to let me have your way with you.'

'you came so hard, i barely even touched you.'

'look at me. i want you to watch you come on my fingers/cock.'

'what if i just continued to rile you up?'

'you want me quiet? well, make me.'

was easy getting over and I landed on my feet

these are just ideas, so if you want to request something not here, please feel free to xoxo.

please refer to the pinned post to refer to the characters i won't write for!

-steph 🍂

[asteraddicted]

Small interaction idea I got for the Supersons (pre-Jon age up; I HATE THAT PART) soooo sorry if this is bad its my first official drabble post (did i use that term correctly???)

Based on this (one part blacked out bc idk how tumblr would take it)

[—-—-—-—-—-—-—-🫧🪼-—-—-—-—-—-—-—]

"Hey, Damian?" Jon spoke up, he and Damian lounging in Damian's room because— no offense to Clark, but Wayne Manor was cooler for sleepovers.

"Yes, Kent?" Damian huffed, focused on sharpening one of his many daggers. Despite the dynamic, the two were undeniable best friends. It was surprising at first, with Damian's blunt, down-to-earth personality with snap backs and insults that would make a grown man cry. Damian Wayne, best friends with a sunny, optimistic, 'blinding everyone with his smile' Jon Kent. But of course, the two didn't start out that way.

"Remember when you practically- no, you DID kidnap me after I accidentally.. killed a cat and a hawk?" Jon mumbled the last part, clearly still ashamed of it. He hadn't told Damian the whole story yet, despite how long it had been. Damian's eyebrows furrowed, and he got a little closer. He remembered those times, back before they were friends.

"Yes, I remember," he replied, his voice still firm as he inquired. "Why are you bringing that up again, Kent?" Damian — despite his almost inhuman abilities, talents, and feats — was still human, and still had the ability to forget things.

"..Nothing! It's just.. the cat. Goldie was her name. It's her deathday today." Jon frowned, having always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Jon couldn't help but mistake the sting building up in his eyes as the burning feeling of letting his heat vision go off and MURDER cremate the two innocent creatures on accident. It was only for a second, but Damian could see how Jon panicked in that little moment.

"And? Your point?" He said, his tone a surprisingly a tad bit softer than usual. He didn't really know what Jon was talking about. Really, he did remember kidnapping Jon because he didn't trust him. But to Damian? That was like another regular Tuesday for him.

"..I didn't mean to kill Goldie, or the hawk. I know you know that. But Goldie had escaped her house, and I was chasing her to get her back." Jon began to explain, and he wasn't as cheerful as he usually was. Not as he finally told Damian the full story. Jon couldn't help it. It had been at the very least a few years ago, but the horror Jon had felt that day was something Jon himself never forgot.

"..their bodies were charred and burning. Couldn't tell hawk from cat.. only Goldie's collar remained! I.." Jon had to go quiet to compose himself. His hands were actually shaking. Damian listened to the story. He knew something was wrong with Jon. He was not his usual cheerful, confident self.

Damian looked at Jon, his expression hard to read. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to comfort him. Damian was never good at comfort. He just sat back in silence for a while, processing what Jon had told him. Being from the League of Assassins, death was nothing new to him. Hell, he's killed animals on purpose for mission and training before he was taken to Wayne Manor. Whales and tigers and lions and eagles, on and on. It was a little hard to see from Jon's perspective, but Damian tried.

"..Y'know.. I don't think you remember what you said to me when I woke up after you kidnapped me. Hehe.." Jon let out a chuckle, smiling with his teeth to try and lighten his sadness with humor. "You told me.. 'You are a threat to every living thing on and off this planet.' And Damian, I know this is stupid, but.." Jon curled his knees to his chest, eyes on the blank screen as a movie they were watching played it's end credits.

"..I believed you. In a way.. I still do. I'm scared of myself, Dami." Jon admitted quietly before grinning and wiping his tears.

"But I guess that's pretty dumb, right?" Jon grinned widely. He was half-Kryptonian and his dad was Superman! He shouldn't cry, and he didn't have any reason to! He was growing up, and he should be more in control of his emotions.

Yet Jon had let his mind wander multiple times, whenever he passed by where it happened. It was ironic, but Jon couldn't help but be scared of himself. Yes, himself. He had the powers of Superman — the Man of Steel himself. And he was also a young boy who could be easily tricked and manipulated. Jon was strong and carefree, but he wasn't stupid. At least not all the time. Jon has witnessed some extremely traumatic events in his life. The possibility that he had the power to massacre entire cities — maybe states, countries, or eventually the world? That was something that made Jon want to lock himself up in a kryptonite cage and hide away.

Jon was afraid of his powers and the destruction they could bring. He was immune to fire, but still couldn't stop himself from imagining the burning, mangled, charred bodies of a hawk and a cat each time there was a fire that was large enough.

Damian clenched his jaw. He remembered that day. He remembered telling Jon that he was a threat. Listening to Jon talk about his fear of himself and his own powers made something inside of Damian ache. He didn't like it. Not one bit.

"It's not dumb," he said, his voice softer than usual. Damian didn't know why he was being so soft (he knew exactly why, but he didn't want to admit it. Not yet.). "And you're not a threat, Kent. You're not. You never were. You're the last person who's a threat to anything."

"That's EXACTLY why I'm a threat, Dames! I'm part Kryptonian!.. I'm invincible to most on Earth." Jon exclaimed, sighing. "I can still go rogue! Dad has gone rogue before. I don't.." Jon trailed off.

"Kent. If you think for a second I'd let you go rogue, just know my Father has plenty of Kryptonite stocked away that I would not hesitate to use." Damian narrowed his eyes, but not in an angry way. It was affectionate, though it would be hard to tell from an outsider's perspective. Jon, oddly enough, felt reassured. Reassured that if something goes wrong, that Damian would be there to stop him. He'd always be there to stop him.

"You promise, Dames?" Jon couldn't help but whisper.

"Yes, I promise. Now come on. Didn't you want to show me this movie called 'Legally Blonde' or something?" Damian rolled his eyes, but they still held that tinge of care. That hint of affection that was only reserved for Jon, and wasn't the type that Damian held for his family. No, Damian had a part of his heart specifically reserved for Jon Kent.

"Okay, good. Now come on, let's watch a pretty girl kick legal butt!" Jon grinned, ultimately feeling much better. He was so lucky to have Damian.

[—-—-—-—-—-—-—-🫧🪼-—-—-—-—-—-—-—]

AN: First post, not beta read and written in the dead of night lol. I do not write much. Romantic or platonic? Idk you choose :P

[dootznbootz]

As someone who is also really uncomfortable with the Zeus/Odysseus art trend, I completely understand where your coming from!

People’s treatment of Odysseus’s assaults in general makes me really upset. Just the other day I saw a comment on a post saying that “Odysseus wasn’t loyal to his wife yet expects her to be loyal to him” and not once in the replies did I see someone mention that he was literally assaulted. It’s absolutely gross and makes me hesitant to go deeper into the fandom.

I remember being so frustrated when the snippets of “There are Other Ways” came out because so many people were making Hamilton jokes and talking about how he always talks about his wife yet cheated. When in the song it was so clear he was being coerced which is yknow, not a form of consent. I couldn’t even listen to it because it made me so uncomfortable, and even now with the full version out the fandoms reaction to it overall have soured me to it. Which sucks, because I do think it’s a great song.

Also I don’t even think Epic completely erases Calypso’s assault? At least, I think it’s left ambiguous enough during the time jump that people can come to their own conclusions. Specifically when Calypso says “Soon into bed we’ll climb and spend our time” just really gives me the impression that something else happened.

I suppose in the snippets we’ve seen of “I’m Not Sorry For Loving You” it seems like Odysseus and Calypso are on slightly friendlier terms, but I don’t think that negates the fact she could’ve assaulted him. And I’ve always took that song as pretty manipulative on Calypso’s side, with Odysseus more so trying to placate her. But that’s going into theory territory.

And even if he isn’t SA’d in Epic it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to be there!! Same with Homer’s Odyssey. It’s so infuriating to see the cheating narrative be so widely spread when that is just not what happened.

Anyway’s sorry for the long rant, but I wanted to say that it’s nice to see you take Odysseus’s SA seriously. It’s not something the fandom does enough.

It's okay for the long rant. Sorry I took a bit to get to it but I wanted some "soft chatters" for a bit before I tackled this one :)

"Just the other day I saw a comment on a post saying that “Odysseus wasn’t loyal to his wife yet expects her to be loyal to him” and not once in the replies did I see someone mention that he was literally assaulted. It’s absolutely gross and makes me hesitant to go deeper into the fandom."

I completely understand you with this stuff. ;~; I used to go through Odyssey tags often as I LOVE possibly finding new people to follow and fun things but too many times I would see shit that pissed me off. ;~; I've honestly kind of just stuck to my mutuals that I trust tbh. And honestly, there's soooo much shit of people just straight up not understanding the context/culture/meaning/etc. of the Epics and just taking it at face value and not understanding the meanings. :/ I'm no expert, but I also have analyzed and researched quite a bit on my own to try and get the full picture. I think in order to truly enjoy the Odyssey, you need to just... really soak shit in, you know?

When Calypso, that lovely goddess,  tried                           to keep me with her in her hollow cave, longing for me to become her husband,                                  or when, in the same way, the cunning witch Aeaean Circe held me in her home filled with a keen desire I’d marry her, they never won the heart here in my chest.

(Book 9, Johnston)

Odysseus tells this to the Phaecians. They are strangers that he will likely never see again and who are isolationists. Therefore his story that he told probably won't be "spread" to others so he can probably say whatever. So he doesn't have to worry about "Penelope hearing a different story than the one he told to her" if people wanna argue about how "Oh well, he didn't tell Penelope about the 'affairs'"(He tells her everything as well btw.)

He could literally say "Oh yeah, I had the time of my life!" but he doesn't because that's not true. Odysseus has no listed concubines, I just literally don't see him as the type of guy who's really into that.

And while yes, he would be devastated if she didn't "stay loyal", he does sound like he'd be understanding. He asks his mother in the Underworld if Penelope had gotten remarried to "the finest of Achaeans". And we all know of Odysseus' words of "when Telemachus has a beard, feel free to remarry". Even when first "rejected" by Penelope in that she didn't hug him when he sat across from her, he was incredibly hurt but asked for a separate bed. He literally could have had it where Penelope takes a different bed and he takes their luxurious/fancy one because he has the rest of the household on his side.

But he DOESN'T!

Because he adores her for fuck's sake!

Funny enough? I have the weird reaction of like, weirdly searching out "Good" animatics as it was a weird reassurance of "yes, people see that it's wrong." as while holy fuck. so many stupid, awful jokes about "Say No to This" in the comments (I have learned to just stay the fuck away from youtube comments on Odysseus shit. :') ) but like, seeing and HEARING how yes, this was fucked, was weirdly really nice for me. yeah, it took a lot of digging but there's a few "There Are Other Ways" that I love. Literally, both are unfinished wips and they're still my favorites. If you can, please give these two a watch and some love for the creator.

This was back before we heard the full song and it's still very good. How he's on guard until she "magics" him and the colors change. After that he kind of moves like a "puppet" but he's still resisting as best he can.

This one is literally still sketches but it's my absolute favorite. Oh my word. The body language, PENELOPE FLASHBACKS!!! Showing cute bits of Penelope's character and how awful this is for him. (Penelope is so cute. She puffs up her cheeks to make him laugh!) How he really is scared that he'll have to go through with this in order to save his friends until all his past trauma floods back and he just can't. It's lovely.

And yeah Idk how to feel about "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" :/ I don't know how it'll be yet, maybe there's something in another song that shows Odysseus' real feelings or whatever.

And with just the whole cheating thing, yeah, it's really upsetting to call what is blatant assault "cheating". As wild as it sounds, Odysseus' story has been more relatable for me than any other stories like this, even modern ones. I've spoken a bit about it before but yeh, victim blaming at its finest. I find him and his story and his love for Penelope slkdfj very relatable. It's honestly really nice to write about in a sense..

(I'm pasting this from an old post of mine but yeh)

I have never had a story that felt like how it actually FEELS. The "aftermath" and "regaining life". It's hopeful and feels really good. It's been years since "everything" but it just felt nice to see "Everybody has the chance to get better." Even Nestor, Helen, and Menelaus, while still dealing with their traumas, are doing a lot better now. And after literal hell, Odysseus got to be with his family and loved ones again. He can start living again. It's why I'm just...idk passionate about this? I'm not a murderer or a war veteran but I see myself in him. Hopefully, y'all see me as nicer though!😂(plus, let's be honest, the Odyssey is romantic af and OdyPen is right up my alley as well >:D )

I really hate the whole "he's a guy so therefore ____" whether it's used as a "Boys will be boys. they can't help themselves" usually aimed at female victims or a "Men always want sex. they cannot be victims.". It's fucked up and used against ALL of us. :( Doesn't matter if it was history. People, no matter the era, should never be put through "Are you Victim™ enough?". He is one.

Idk the Odyssey means a lot to me. I hope it's okay I take some liberties with my fanfics as it's nice healing through him :D I AM kind of using my own experiences and ideas and it feels nice. I don't think Homer necessarily meant for this but eh, anything that helps is good :D He's a war criminal that I relate to.

[my-mt-heart]

Idk how to say this but I am not as bothered about whatever is going to transpire between Daryl and Isabelle (bcoz for one thing - we know what is going to happen in the end- and for another - I honestly believe that the male execs are not at all confident abt their vision for these two as they would like to be and the whole thing would prolly boil down to ambiguity and ultimately- it will fall upon the viewers to dissect how Daryl feels - the Caryl fandom especially is really adept at reading into storylines - even stupid ones) None of this is good by any means. It cheapens the integrity of all the characters involved. It blatantly insults and reduces female characters - I believe that Isabelle deserves better. That a story should hold space for multiple female characters. Also - I am worried about putting the fate and the story of one the best female characters on TV (Carol) in the hands of someone who has proven that he can't be trusted to handle them with care. Reading S2 reviews - I am sort of reassured that Carol is treated well enough in the story - which I believe - has a LOT to do with Melissa McBride's input. Going forward - it is going to be more difficult bcoz once we have dealt with old traumas - we do need to evolve these characters and make sure they don't stay stagnant. I don't believe Zabel has the chops to do that.

sorry for that rant. I am just really frustrated.

What I worry about is the way all of this bts stuff amongst the male execs is going to impact the Caryl dynamic. Whatever the antis may think - and while McReedus has insane chemistry - I do believe that the romantic energy is generated between them by a lot of their acting choices (bcoz the underlying story is teasing a romance). What happens to all that when a romance is completely off the table? When AMC has been pushing this friendship narrative down our throats in a very evident bid to do damage control - the insecure/defensive promo that we have been getting last few weeks is proof enough that Caryl was always more than friends?

The problems were already glaringly obvious from the very beginning. the fact that Melissa isn't billed equally for a season where she is proclaimed to be the major focus? It is not even about Caryl going canon for me anymore. I love Melissa and Carol way too much for me to give up yet but I treasure the Caryl bond primarily bcoz they have always been each other's everything. it is truly a bond that evades definition. Both Carol and Daryl doesn't have what they have with each other with anyone. THAT IS A CANON FACT. I don't think I can watch that dynamic that I treasure so much being butchered - s11 was painful enough - I can't go through all of that and more again.

Going to watch s2 and then my further commitment will depend entirely upon how the characters are treated and their dynamic is portrayed?

It sucks that I am dreading watching Carol and Daryl back together on screen.

been here just for a few months but the way AMC has been fumbling with this promo - have you guys always experienced this whiplash or is it a new thing?

I’m going to include big spoilers in my response, so proceed with caution ⚠️

I respect your opinion, but I disagree with you on the point about Daryl’s and Isabelle’s arc. It seems like the male EPs (Zabel, Nicotero, Gimple) are overly confident that an explicit romance between their male hero and a younger blonde nun who accused Daryl of being like his abusive father just for trying to go home to his family will attract a larger male audience and they aren’t sparing any feelings with it because we aren’t their ideal audience anyway. To them, we’re just a bunch of “hysterical” shippers whose POV’s don’t matter and we can just take their crumbs. AMC is a bit more complicated, but I’ll get to them later.

Daryl and the nun kiss in 202, so there’s little to no room for us to dissect how Daryl is feeling. Isabelle’s death is the furthest thing from a relief because 1) it reduces her character down to man pain like you said and 2) from what I’m gathering, it completely overshadows Caryl’s reunion and then their entire arc. We get another hug that does absolutely nothing to elevate their relationship and then Carol has to face that Daryl didn’t need her to rescue him because he found a new family and become his emotionally supportive friend to help him through his grief of a lost love interest he’s known for a few months. It almost feels like it’s going to be a retread of Beth’s death, only worse. We know how Greg Nicotero views both of those relationships and to be blunt, the man needs to stop projecting his creepy fetishes onto Daryl and making it our problem 🤢

The way the story is framed, it’s not even about Caryl at all. They’re the relationship we’re the most invested in and yet all the emotional weight is given to a highly problematic relationship that developed over a dozen ish short episodes (compared to Caryl’s decade+ of emotional depth) and it’s all for nothing too. Zabel just resets Daryl like the hokey network procedural writer he is. And Caryl fans are rewarded for their years-long loyalty by getting more ambiguous subtext to analyze? Really?

I think you’re spot on about Melissa though. The reason she’s the bright spot of the season, the reason Carol’s individual arc feels true, and her spiritual connection to Daryl stays alive is because Melissa influenced all of that. She’s shown us time and time again that she understands her character so deeply and respects her fans. It really breaks my heart because I think she had a beautiful story in mind for Carol and she deserves all the support in the world, but as I’ve said many times, if damage is done to the character who has been written as her soulmate for over a decade, damage is also done to her. And I can’t watch that. I can’t watch the destruction of my favorite characters and my favorite relationship and put money in AMC’s pockets for gaslighting me. Retconning Caryl’s relationship into a platonic friendship is their way of protecting themselves from backlash. “Daryl isn’t emotionally cheating because he and Carol have always been besties?” “We didn’t mislead you. We told you they were friends, so you dumb shippers are doing this to yourselves. Please watch our slop anyways ✌️” They’re even trying to shift responsibility to Melissa by making her answer the shipping questions despite the fact that it’s Daryl’s arc throwing a wrench in everything and I expect that to continue at NYCC/Palyfest. It’s completely unethical and it’s backfiring.

Zabel cannot write for Daryl and Carol. He keeps showing us that he doesn’t understand their bond nor does he value it. A couple of the reviews mentioned it felt like Carol was shoehorned into certain aspects of the story, which tracks with what I already knew—that he and the other EPs think she’s hindering the story they want to tell about men doing manly things. That’s why they try so hard to challenge her significance to Daryl’s story and that is not going to change just because they’re moving to another location. Somebody like that should not have power to decide her trajectory. Fuck whatever he has planned for S3. I don’t want it. I still want Caryl and I still want to see them get the stories they deserve, but that’s only going to happen if we get a new showrunner who respects them and respects their fans. In case it needs to be said, Gimple is not that guy either (he can fake his enthusiasm on SM all he wants 🖕🖕🖕). A complete rebranding of the show to something that honors the characters and gives Melissa her dues (equal billing, title, etc) is the only way I’m tuning in now🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t have the emotional capacity to sit through S2, but I will be here, speaking up, to make sure Melissa gets all the necessary praise and those assholes can’t blame her if the show tanks.

I’ve only been here a few years and there’s been a lot of turn over at AMC even just in that time (I kid you not, all of our problems can be traced back to Josh Sapan leaving. He loved Caryl and Melissa). That being said, I cannot for the life of me understand why any of the guys over there (even the misogynistic ones) would approve of the Daryl/Isabelle arc after the PR disaster that Leah caused not even that long ago and at least for that, the arc tied back to romantic Caryl and we weren’t subjected to any uncomfortable physical intimacy. Why the fuck would they make the same mistake? Why the fuck do they have to spend more time cleaning up messes than avoiding the mess altogether at every fucking opportunity they had (and they had a lot). I just don’t get it. And I’m so tired of taking the abuse.

[syscultureis]

Vent AS HELL, no need to post this btw. TWs for abuse and general traumatic events

System culture is, yes im a system. No, i wasnt SAed as a kid or anything else singlets think when i say DID. i witnessed domestic abuse, cheating, fights, was harassed by both my peers and the ones that shouldve taken care of me since i was introducted to a social space, i watched verbal abuse turn physical then psychological. i dropped out at 5th grade because of "bullying"(AKA a word to cover up the fact kids can abuse other kids). i grew up isolated and scared. i wasted my teenagery and am pretty much a "late bloomer" on many aspects. gave myself a second chance only to feel just as miserable as before. i went through medical and psych neglect. i still waste my trust on others just to watch them leave and proceed to relive my own past abandonment. i watch situations i thought were exclusive to this one age and time frame happen again and again and realize no, im still not safe. Maybe ill never be. i feel bad for wanting to inflict harm on those who harmed me but i think about that everyday. i remember them even though theyve long forgotten me.

Long story short, theres more than one way a childs brain can be impacted by trauma. its not a competition and no one should feel "not valid" because their trauma "wasnt as bad as someone elses" and im sick of hearing that. "oh i thought you had it worse" fuck off and die <3333 anyways sorry if this is a bit too much im just tired and hesitant to post this but here we go.

- Plague 🕸

.

[yuseirra]

onk spoilers (161)

Sorry, I really can't keep quiet about this because this series has been my brainrot for the past couple months and this is pretty..;; hehe.. depending on how it plays out, it will determine how I'll feel about this entire work completely. So bear with me for the next few weeks!

There are a few panels that really stand out in terms of expressions that really bug me, this guy could be acting. Putting the rest in the read-more, I'm vagueposting but still, I feel it's better manners to do so.. I'm sorry for being unable to keep to myself. I hope you understand though, I've been drawing something for this series almost every single day!

There are a few really genuine-looking ones and those.. could be interpreted as him being concerned over Aqua, it's not really my wishful thinking because he's actually persuading his son to think of things he must live for, regardless of what thoughts and intent he has behind it. He DOES want Aqua to live, and when Aqua says he'd give up on that, he has the exact same face he had when he fell in despair in the movie arc (when Ai said she'd leave him/when Airi gaslit him). I think that expression IS real. And he's really shocked when Aqua.. yeah, does what he does. So I don't think he likes the idea of Aqua dying.

I've been looking at this character a lot, and came to a conclusion that his smiles are masks. I've mentioned this a few times in my earlier analyses regarding him and in one post, I wrote:

That smile he floats is consistent through the entire time he's shown in the story and the only times it breaks is when it has to do with Ai and when she sees him through. And it starts to break the moment he sees her talking about him. Every expression he makes when he sees Ai in the video are his true feelings. His smiles, on the other hand, are his coping mechanism and are all masks.

so I actually feel this is the case this time too, the author wouldn't have made this guy a genius actor who's TAUGHT Ai to act for nothing... The whole chapter starts out with his expression being expressionless, then forming a smile, just before he starts saying everything onwards. And by doing this, he IS actually talking to his son to forget about killing him and go on living his own life while sounding pretty evil...

but that means we can't believe the god or whatever she says either, so that's why I don't know. She was wrong about Ryosuke and "a middle school boy" having gone to the hospital once if Kamiki never went and it was really Nino, but would she be TOTALLY off in this case? I have no idea. That's what makes it confusing for me and have a lot less hope on how things will unveil, but the expression cues do say something... if it weren't for her, I'd say he's acting.. but the things she mentions about him are just too...that of a third-rate villain and it's so nonredeemable. If that is right, the whole idea of Ai having wanted to help him is sort of thrown out the window. They DIDN'T need to make her say that... it was so WISE of her to leave a guy like him, and all her visions of him were wrong, you know?

So I'm just.. wondering how much we need to trust the crow.

I thought I could trust her, but how much does she actually know?;

Or maybe it IS true that Kamiki's done some hideous things the way she's depicted it, and yet he doesn't want his SON to be the same way.

If there's one thing I can pick up from this chapter that's going to be released... it'd be that Kamiki doesn't want Aqua to die. He thinks there's many reasons for Aqua to go on living. If you pay careful attention to his speech, that's what he's actually talking about... he actually looked a little relieved when Aqua agrees he has a lot to live for and that breaks when Aqua still refuses.

Yeah.. I think.. I'll stick around a bit more actually. The part that REALLY bothers me is what Tsukuyomi says, if that's really true.. ehh.....it's a huge let-down for me I don't like that. It's not a very good way to use this character. It's really dumb and I don't think it works but if the author says so; okay?? but I won't feel the need to collect the physical volumes any further if that's true. That's just me though.

[lxcalmenace]

hiii! I saw a video on tiktok about some girl getting upset that she wasn't there with her bf when he was kid and i thought maybe you could do that with rin isagi and hiori maybe

this is my first ask and also English's not my first language im sorry if it's not detailed enough

Wish I was there for you

Pairings < Rin and Hiori > X gn!reader (separate)

tw: Just these babies getting reminded about their pasts which later turns into fluff. Oh and, spoiler warning on Hiori's past!!

It was a rather silent night, you and Rin chilling in your bed comfortably. He was watching some match analysis on his phone while you were laying down next to him, reading your book. The small bed side lamp illuminated the room as the sound of soft breathing and the occasional sound of you turning the page was heard. When suddenly, it hit you. Rin never admitted about wanting to be comforted or to be held close during rough days, it wasn't very likely of him. He had built these walls around him, to which he'd only let you break through them. That was the typical Rin Itoshi for you. Being always there for him, to support him- but then you began to ponder about his past. You knew that his relationship with his older brother wasn't on the best terms, you know how much he despises Sae but there was also a time when Sae left Rin completely wrecked, right when Rin needed him the most. You knew how much it scarred Rin and your heart aches to think that Rin probably broke down- no one by his side to comfort him, no one to tell him that it was going to be alright. It broke him to the point that he was unwilling to trust, eventually pushing everyone away due to all of the burden he was carrying silently.

You turned over to face Rin and softly called out his name. Turning of his phone, he put it aside- his attention all on you now.

"Rin, do you ever wish if someone would've been there for you in your past?" he raised an eyebrow as you continued, "It hurts to know about how much you had to go through. I really wish I could've been there for you; to comfort you and to ease your suffering, even just by a little bit."

The room went silent, knowing that you had stuck a chord somewhere inside Rin. His face showed no emotions, but he was unable to meet your gaze. You both sat in this silence for a while, no words uttered.

Finally, he let out a long breath, "It's alright," His voice was low yet stern, "Past is past now, it does not matter to me anymore. The only thing that matters now is me defeating Sae."

You opened your mouth to say something, but Rin shushed you, signaling the end of conversation. You wanted to tell him that it was unfair, that he didn't had to go through all that, but sensing the tension in the air, you decided to stay silent. If Rin wasn't ready to talk about it, then you were in no position to argue back. You plopped back on your bed with a sigh as he dimmed the lights and pulled the covers over the both of you.

Maybe not yet, but one day, Rin knows that he will open up to you freely, talk about his problems, rant to you. But for now, he did not wish to bother you by his own problems. So, he simply just pulled you closer and kissed your forehead.

"Goodnight my love," Rin pecked your lips, "Thank you for everything you have done for me," he whispered.

It was raining outside. The small pitter patter against the windows and the distant voices from the TV, accompanied by you cuddling with your boyfriend on the couch gave birth to the perfect atmosphere. Hiori was playing video games while you were scrolling through tiktok. Everything was going well, until you came across a video of a girl being upset over the fact that she couldn't be there for her boyfriend when he was young. And that, made you put down your phone and really think about it. Your boyfriend always had a smile etched over his face, he barely talked about his feelings and thus suppressing them over time. Eventually after you both started dating, you always encouraged him to talk about his problems and regularly let him know that you were there for him. But what about the time when you weren't so present in his life? You remembered him telling you about his parents once; how they used to put him under so much pressure to achieve perfection, even stretching up to the point of divorce. Oh, how hard it must've been for his little soul. [ :( ]

You were unsure about bringing this up. Yet, hesitatingly you whispered, "Baby, can we talk a little?"

His curious blue eyes met yours and he muttered a little 'yeah?', waiting for you to continue.

"You know how your parents always pressured you to be the best, to live up to their expectations- wasn't it hard for you as a child? I mean it must be so traumatic for you to always be under the burden," you paused, watching his expressions carefully.

"Yeah, it was a bit traumatic I guess.." he trailed off.

"Really wish I would've been there for you, Yo. I would've definitely helped you to relieve some of the burden, so you could've leaned a bit on me," you look at him with a glint of sadness in your eyes.

Hiori noticed the shift in your mood instantly, "But angel, I didn't even knew ya back then," he chuckled- trying to lift up the mood.

"I know! I'm just sa-"

He pulled you in for a kiss, cutting you out.

"You don't have to worry about the past m'kay?" he smiled warmly, "You're here now and that's enough f'me. You understood?"

Hiori slinged an arm around you and pulled you closer; capturing you in his embrace, as he resumed his game and continued playing it.

Tysm anon for this request, I hope you like these small scenarios. I couldn't do Isagi :( (writer's block sucks)

Also, so sorry if this is ooc!! Not proofread so ignore if there are any mistakes please!

ty for reading!!

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

.

[whomturgled]

i have so many feelings and i hate it

[fefairys]

ramble about anxieties with psy that got longer than i inteded so its going under the break

my sibling pointed out that we should be careful with melody's character at the risk of falling into stereotypes of black and trans women being seen as annoying/loud/too much but like she is just such a Real Person to me that if we toned her down to try and avoid those stereotypes it would feel Wrong to me? like to me she is not a stereotype she is just a person who is having fun. and the thing is everyone adores her for it, no one except psy thinks she is annoying or Too Much, they love her. but like that is such a major concern to me that i was sure we were gonna get hate mail the second her chapter dropped (so so thankful that everyone seems to love her as much as we do and that that did not happen lol) and now that someone actually pointed it out (my fucking SIBLING no less) i am so anxious about it all over again when i had previously gotten over it and decided 'no, she's not a stereotype, she's a human with many multitudes!'

toning her down and making her "nicer" or whatever seems like. worse. it's just this loop of like. okay but we wrote her that way and we didnt have to. but shes such a real person in our heads. but shes NOT a real person shes a fictional character and we can write her however we want. idk i dont think it is an issue like i think she is good. i think you just gotta see that shes a very complex individual, as are all of the characters in psy. it would be even worse to make her Perfect and Nice and Never Does Anything Wrong to avoid making a black trans woman look bad on screen. like shes not perfect despite everyone she knows seeing her that way. and her seeing herself that way as a coping tool i have said too much

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

Ehhhh session went okay with S I think. Better than what I dreaded, which was her having her wall up still and not being able to reach her and it staying like that until we end in a matter of weeks. But she was still her. I didn't get to confront her about what happened and the things we know aren't okay. But we did connect a little, talked a little about how to use these sessions, she said she wants to still be around to help after we end, wants to help us get the right therapy etc, but she is just being very careful knowing our history with therapists and she wants it to be healthy and different and okay for us both. Which we appreciate obviously even if the unknown is terrifying. Talked about the referral for specialist therapy, she is still trying to make that happen for us. But we likely will have no therapy for a while. It is not what either of us planned for but I am glad she is navigating it the best way possible to make sure circumstances dont implode our relationship. We both agreed none of this is about me, her, or our relationship, but simply circumstances and we both want that not to ruin what we built. And to do that she needs to know her limits and hold them and we need less pressure on our relationship. I mean even just the fact we don't live in a safe environment yet again makes therapy almost impossible. It's not her fault or our fault. It just is. And I'm proud of our system for managing any of it tbh, considering the extent of triggers, I am proud of us for talking about any of it, for even trying, even being alive honestly.

The most helpful bit was her talking about trust. And reenactments. And being in the present. I don't remember it as it was a mush of child parts but I do remember the sense of 💡 moments they had, and a sense of the trust being directed back inwards and in to the present rather than more outwards and in to the future. They panic so much about the future, about who still stay, what will happen, things no one can know. And something clicked today where they realised that it is them that is always questioning, not her. She just trusts. And that their constant questioning can actually make others start questioning things they're sure about in the relationship or elsewhere, and end in self fulfilling circles. So our aim is to just hold on to the transitional thing of hers that represents this trust, and try and forget all the noise and questions. She said it represents her trust in us too, it shows she believes we are worthy of this trust, and that we never see it that way around. She said we often torture ourselves with things we feel she must feel when she doesn't at all. So. Trust. Trust that even though every part of our life is in limbo and scary that each day we face what we can and then the next and things will change. Trust that right in this moment she is there, still wants to get us the right help, still wants to be around. Trust that we can still get better and have a future. Trust that things will work out and that questioning actually has the opposite effect of what we want. Trust in how people feel and their actions rather than questioning. (We can tell when someone cares deep down, we just don't believe it.) Trust in ourselves that we are trusting for good reason. Trust just today and the next day and that we will face the end of therapy when it comes and then the next thing. Jeeeeeeze. Change is hard. Trusting in the present moment is hard. I feel relieved and scared and brave and shaky all at once.