#but i am already feeling a little more motivated. girl we are beating the suffocating depression TODAY!! HOOAH!!!!!

[goldiipond]

soo mad bro my mom told me i might feel more motivated to do things if i wasn't constantly surrounded by a giant mess and now im cleaning my room and it's fucking working. i'll never live thjs down

[zawasscarf]

Void - Keigo Takami/Hawks One-shot

Warnings : none/ reader is gender-neutral.

Genre: angst! i got inspired from a tiktok I saw, the link for it is here.

Prespective: second person

Synopsis: Hawk's and you have been broken up after villians revealed his secrets to you, but having no time to drown in sadness, he forces himself to attend a press conference, where he reunites with you...but it doesn't go as well as imagined.

Void. Empty. Still. That's how he would describe the feeling in his heart when he woke up to his empty, cold bed. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, pumping blood into his veins, reminding him that he was alive for another day. That he had to suffer for another day. That he was just existing, barely even alive.

He lazily rolled from one side to another, his eyes gazing up at the alarm clock he had knocked off the counter in a fit of frustration when it started ringing early in the morning. Normally, he wouldn't need an alarm clock, knowing that you'd wake him up by peppering kisses all over his face. Knowing that you'd lay on top of him, and whisper sweet nothings into his ear until he is fully awake and motivated for the day. But you weren't there. You weren't, so he had to use this stupid, lifeless machine to wake him up. It displayed the hour. 12:30. He had to go. He was already late for the conference he had to be attending. So he got up, and headed to the bathroom, dodging the empty bottles of sake on the ground and the dirty laundry piles that were looking more like mountains. The apartment was never left in such a messy, dirty state before. Carpets stained, laundry gone unwashed for days, bed un-tidy, used plates in the sink, piling on top of one another. Hawks was for-sure forgetful when it came to his laundry and his chorus, but you would always remind him. And with you it was easy to do his chorus, even if you would be doing most of the work, while he sat there, distracting you rather than helping.

Hastily, he splashed water across his face and brushed his teeth. Then he looked into the mirror, and ran a hand into his hair. He looked miserable. Facial hair untrimmed, overgrown blonde hair on the top of his head, eyes worn-out, wings a dull colour of red. He couldn't remember the last time he looked presentable. He wasn't the only one who noticed this, the press also did. They noticed everything, that's why he didn't want to be seen in public. That's why he has been locked in his skyline complex for days, only going out in complete disguise to buy food or get groceries.

He dragged himself out of the bathroom, and moved to the way-too small pile of clothes thrown on the floor. Getting dressed in his hero outfit, he put his hand on his back to reach for the zipper.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to zip up my bodysuit, baby bird. What does it look like?"

"It looks like a chicken is flailing trying to scratch it's back."

"Well, if you stop being so sassy and help me, I wouldn't be flailing. Come on, I'm going to be late for work."

"Maybe I want you to be late.."

"Oh?"

He found himself staring at his messy bed. Where you would stare up at him, wearing nothing but his shirt, trying to get him back to bed even though you were the one to wake him up. For a moment, he could vividly see you. See both of you. Sitting on the bed as you helped him with his zipper, laughing when he pulled you into his lap to kiss you, to tickle you and shower you with love. He could still feel your tender hands on his tinted cheeks, caressing them oh so softly, telling him that he was the world's most wonderful boyfriend, that you would love him until the stars die, until the sky falls, until the world ends, and maybe even then, you wouldn't stop loving him.

His heart clenched, making it hard to breath. His eyes were on the verge of welling up with tears. "No," He thought, putting on his pants and his matching jacket. He had to go and say something. He couldn't hide like this any longer. Endeavor wasn't good with the press, and as the number two pro hero, as the charming one, he had to make up for it. The one that could handel all the talk, while also being an inspiration to everyone. He had to pull himself together. It's been too long. He had to accept that he isn't going to see you anymore.

Slipping on his black sturdy boots and fixing his hair and eyeliner, he opened the window and flew out, a few of his long red feathers fell, leaving a trace of him on every inch of the city. He looked down. The streets were busy, but peaceful. Buzzing with open shops, with traffic, kids were laughing, it was so tranquil, considering there was a villian attack on this part of town only two days ago. He bit his lip. He wasn't able to help that day. Too drunken and heartbroken to even pick up his cellphone. He felt like such a failure. He failed the pro heros that day. He failed the civilians. He failed you. He failed you, and now he was living in a limbo. A limbo that only you could get him out of, but you wouldn't. And he wouldn't blame you. He deserved this. He was a selfish bastard. He was too secretive. He was. And god, if he could just turn back time..for just one day..

Kids pointed up at the blue sky at the winged hero. They wore shirts with his face on it, one of them was even wearing a costume like his. They were waving, waving and waving, praying that he notices them. Hawks waved back with a slight smile on his sleep-deprived face. Like little chipmunks, they squealed, being noticed by him was a dream of theirs.

"Hey, would you ever want kids?"

"With you?"

"Of course with me. Anyone else you're seeing behind my back that's offering you to have kids?"

"Shut up," You laughed whole-heartedly, and put a hand on his chest, letting him carry you as both of you flew over the glimmering city. "But the answer is yes. I would love to have kids with you. Maybe a baby girl or a baby boy. It'll be our little cozy family."

"Little? I was thinking maybe we could have seven kids. I am ready to give you an entire football team."

"That doesn't sound very pleasant, Keigo."

"The process would be worth it, though."

His smile fell. The memories. The talks you shared when he picked you up and flew you over the city. God, they always meant so much to him. He always tried to linger a little longer in the sky, to share a few more laughs. To share a few more conversations. He lived for moments like that. Moments where it felt like time stopped. Where it was only you and him that existed in this vast universe. Moments where he could hold you close to his chest, breath in your scent and perfume. Fly with you up in the sky. Fluster you. Cuddle you. Hug you. Kiss you.

Forcing himself out of his misery, he landed down on the roof of the building he was suppose to be interviewed infront of. The press were already huddled up at the front door. There were civilians too, waiting for him to appear. He could see Miruko, Snipe, Endeavour and Gang Orca, all ignoring the press asking them about his whereabouts. Miruko had her phone pressed against one of her bunny ears. She was calling him. Hawks swiped left on the call, and took in a deep breath. He could do this. He just had to forget about you for an hour. Forget about how his heart was in shreds, how his rib cage was suffocating his lungs, how his brain felt all jumbled. He fixed his wings, calling all his feathers back to him, and then he flew down to the side of the building.

The camera shutters increased when he emerged from the shadows of the alleyway. Journalists squeezed each other, all spewing out questions for him already. Microphones were shoved at his face, but he deflected them, doing his best to give them his infamous million-dollar worthy smile, trying to pretend that the sadness in his eyes wasn't as visible as the sun on this summer day.

"Where were you?" The booming voice of Endevour cut his tracks. He looked up at the larger, much taller pro hero, and his smile disappeared. "I over-slept." His answer short and dry. That made the line of standing pro-heros all tense up. This wasn't like him. He would usually tease Endeavour. Tell him to take it easy. That the press wouldn't go anywhere even if he appeared three hours later. Not today.

Hawks made his way up the stage, and stood infront of the mic. His playful voice was dull, and he looked far more serious than when he first walked in.

"Alright, folks. I'll be taking all your questions today, but in order. I won't know what to answer if you all throw your questions at me." Hawk's sharp, golden rhinestone eyes scanned the crowd. So many people. So many people wouldn't make him anxious, but he could feel something was off. He felt..watched. Like someone was staring right through his soul. Goosebumps raised on the nape of his neck, but he chose to ignore it. It had to be nothing, everyone was staring at him all the time anyway. "Okay," He pointed at a reporter with dark hair in the very front. "let's start with you. Go ahead—"

"Hawks, if it's not a bother, can you tell us why you did not assist with the fire attacks two days ago?"

He tensed up. Not from the question. From a feeling. He felt something rumble in the pit of his stomach. Maybe it was because he didnt have a bite to eat. There was no way he was feeling uncomfortable just because a bunch of reporters were looking at him. Or maybe it was the three glasses sake he had yesterday before heading to bed. "Uh," He paused, trying to think of a quick excuse. "I was..out of town."

Lying. That what he resorted to. No wonder you left him. He lied to you. He lied to you and hid everything about himself from you. He hid everything, and now you were gone.

"Next question." He pointed at another reporter. "Who do you think is the suspect of these attacks, Hawks?"

"The League of Villians." The answer came short and quick. He knew who was behind those attacks. "They may not seem much of a threat as Overhaul or the nomus Endeavour and I fought, but they are a dangerous organisation and I am sure they had something to do with this." Moving to a question to another, he answered almost a hundred questions, all of them filled with lies and excuses. He couldn't go through two questions without lying. What could he do? Tell them that the reason he has been MIA is that he was on his floor every morning, sobbing his heart out on his lost love, that he searched the streets every night for his lover to apologise. To make you come home, to him.

Hawks pointed at a tall man, who had his hand raised at the back. Oddly enough, the man wore a dark hoodie and sunglasses. The hood was up, and he was looking at the ground, as if to hide his identity. He didn't have a camera, a crew, or even a microphone, but his voice was still loud for Hawks to hear his question.

"You haven't been seen with the Pro Hero: Light Monarch for a few weeks now. Nor has they been seen in public. Mind telling us why..." The man looked up. Hawk's face fell, as he saw those fiery, glowing blue eyes staring back at him. His breathing rapidly increased, his chest rose and fell in unrythmic ways. His hands clenched the sides of the microphone stand, until his knuckles turned white. "..wing hero, Hawks?" The mockery in his voice. He was enraging him on purpose. He was mocking him. Mocking him for being unable to protect your relationship. For being unable to protect you.

Other reporters picked up his question and started twisting it into different questions. Ranging from 'Has your relationship fell apart?' to 'Is Light Monarch even a hero?', but all he could focus on was Dabi. Dabi, who was secretly recording all of this. Dabi, who was the main reason your realtionship fell apart. Dabi, who he strived to make suffer for what he did to him. Hawk's eyes were so fixated on Dabi, that when someone nudged him away, he immediately looked over to them.

They were wearing the villain's long coat, along with a hoodie similar to Dabi's. They were nudging him away, trying to make him move out the crowd. Dabi only put an arm around them, pulling them close to his lean body. That's when Hawks caught a glimpse of their face.

And that's when everyone saw the winged hero unfold.

He leaned into the mic, and closed his eyes. Possibilities flooding his mind, clouding his senses. Why were you here? Why were you wearing Dabi's coat? Did you come here just to see him? Why was Dabi holding you so close to him? Why does he have his arms on you like that?

"Because I'm an idiot." He spoke into the mic. A hush fell on the crowd, and you looked up. Both your eyes met, you could sense the hurt in his eyes, you could see the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. "Because I hid information about myself that I shouldn't have. Because I slipped and everyone was watching me. Because everyone just couldn't let us be." Hawks closed his eyes.

For a moment, a flash appeared before his eyes. It was you. You in all your beauty and grace. You comforting him after a long day of work. You smiling and laughing at his corny jokes. You running your fingers through hair and untangling it for him. You kissing his bruises. You sitting on his bed, tinkering with something you found in his house. You holding him after a nightmare. You. All he could think about was you. How your lips felt against his. How your foreheads touched whenever you finished kissing. How your hands felt so warm holding his. How he was a lucky bastard.

"So.." head raised, the first few strand of his hair falling into his tear filled eyes. He choked on air, his lip quivering. "So, baby bird, I am sorry for being such a selfish bastard." His voice was shaking. His hands were shaking. You were staring at him with those beautiful eyes of yours. The eyes that he would stare at for hours, without feeling a hint of boredom. "I am sorry for hiding the truth. "His voice got louder, louder and louder until he was yelling. "I am sorry for letting you go so easily. I am sorry for hurting you!"

"Hawks—"

"Bastards, all of you." He spat out, looking directly at Dabi and the frozen crowd of shocked journalists. They were the reason. They were the reason you weren't with him. They were the reason your laugh and your smile were stolen away from him. If they could've just let him explain.

"Songbird, I love you." Your breath hitched in your throat, your eyes that were full to the brim with tears were now spilling your emotions into view. Dabi only noticed when your figure started shaking in his arms. "Hey, let's go.." He tried to drag you away, but you wouldn't budge. Keigo was staring right at you, unfolding into a mess, a crumb of a man he once was. Tears streaming down his handsome face, eyeliner ruined. Your heart felt crushed. Like it was an ornament that was knocked down by a carless child. You couldn't imagine what he was feeling, but you were sure that he wouldn't be able to handel all that pain alone. So you stepped to the front subconciously, and if it weren't for Dabi's hands around your waist, you would've ran right over and reunited with your lover.

"I love you." He repeated, desperate. Memories were flashing right before his eyes. Your first meeting in that grocery store infront of UA. Your first kiss under the moonlight during a patrol. Your first dance. Your first date. Your cuddles on the couch in winter. Your odd sleeping positions in summer. Moments. The way you would lean into his chest when he sat you on his lap. The way you liked him to tuck his wings around your body because it felt warm and you like the feeling of feathers against your skin. "I love you! I love you!"

"Let's get out of here." Dabi grabbed your hand and squeezed just a bit, not too forcefully. You were surprised by his gentleness, but you couldn't take your eyes off him. "I love you. I love you.." He was staring at you with such desperation, such longing, such regret. You didn't want to forgive him, you tried not to. But you couldn't. You couldn't, because he made it so hard. He made it so hard to hate him.

"Till the stars die and till the sky falls, remember?" His voice was much lower now. He was leaning over the stand so much that it almost fell over. You clasped a hand on your mouth, and let out a silent sob. You could feel everyone's eyes on you. Cameras were pointed at you. That's when you looked away, after giving Keigo a long, parting look. That's when you followed Dabi into the crowd.

Hawks watched as you walked away, back given to him. He wanted to move, he wanted to follow you, he was telling every limb on his body to move, but he couldn't. He looked down at his body. It was glowing. Glowing with a white aura around it. You. You were using your quirk on him, forcing him in place, not letting him move and rescue you.

He didn't understand why. Why didn't you want him to rescue you now that you found each other again? Did you really loathe him that much? Did he really mess up that badly?

So, all he could do was helplessly watch you go. Watch you as you disappear into the crowd, with the flame user by your side, knowing that one day, you might reunite again.

And then when that time comes, he won't mess it up.

a/n: aaaaah! my first oneshot on tumblr. i hope you liked it. posting this is basically testing the waters, but i enjoyed it so i think I will keep writing on here!

[iphoenixrising]

hey we haven’t heard anything from you in a while. everything good? How’s life treating you? All my love for one of my favorite batfam writers!💗💗💗

Hi babe.

Ah sorry, I’ve been super busy at work and with kiddo :( I mean, I’m still writing when I can, but it’s just time and motivation. My project has really taken off (reads as: expanded) and most nights I’m chipping away at the massive amount of documentation for not only a Java-based framework, but an entire Platform *sob* So, it’s just such a huge amount of old articles and brainstorming sessions and meeting minutes and just ugh. I mean, it’s kind of interesting to try tracking all these things down and figuring out how they’re going to work together since the developers (from 12 to 50-ish, my God and now they want me to read markdown and do pull requests for comments and shit because this is my fucking life) are still working on the platform services, the development environment, and all these fucking tools I’ve never heard of (Kubernetes, wtf is this thing??) so I’m learning a foreign language almost tbh.

Did I mention *sigh*?

ANYWAY, also some of the things I’m working on that are like Batfam are a little more...I dunno, just things that a bit harder for me I guess, but even if I write just a sentence or two, I still count it as a win.

But like...I said something about a Sentinel / Guide Au, and even though I’m at what would be a good stopping point, I’m not very happy with it :/ So, if you’d like to see kind of what I’ve been doing, I’m going to throw down what I’ve got below the cut. 

Warnings: 

DickTim, Angst

Sentinel/Guide Au

**

After he brings B back from time, send the Dark Knight back to Gotham, he gives in to things long overdue, and trains with Shiva–

–to be an effective Guide.

Years of suppressants made it literally hell without them, trying to keep his shields up, trying to push out the telepathic traffic suffocating him the second he opens up just a crack.

Shiva, of course, had been her cheerfully murderous self, plying him with the full onslaught of a powerful Sentinel.

"You will be drawn to us from now on, Little Bird. You will want to protect us, bring us back from the abyss. If you choose to allow your powers as a Guide rein free, then you must learn to fight against the urges."

The fucked-up part is–

–she's right.

If he wants to stay in the life, wear the cape and cowl under the new name, go back to the Titans (since they've been looking for him again, fly-bys and searches for his tech), then he needs to learn how to deal with what he can do and how to deal with the instincts that come along for the ride.

It's not enough that Shiva is in the middle of hunting down a few former students ("They have made...the wrong choices." 

"That's rich coming from you, you know."

"We all have a code, Little Bird, and I am no different.")

but they managed to run into a few other Sentinels along the way.

He'd like to say he'd taken his ass beating like a pro at this juncture in the vigilante game, but the reality is, they'd had to take shelter in a shitty lean-to, so he could be tragically, metaphysically hung-over.

He gives up the cowl and suit, utility belt and sundries. He goes as a wrecked teenage American boy, changing it up from the last time he trekked behind Lady Shiva and took on her adversaries. He tries not to think about Dick or Jason, Dami or Alfred, tries not to think about the confused look on B's face in his safe house, drying his hair after a long shower, trying to readjust to the current timeline.

("You aren't going back to Gotham?"

"I still have things to do."

"...there's something you aren't telling me."

"There's a lot I'm not telling you."

"Come to me when you're ready, Tim. No matter what, you're always going to be one of my Robins.")

Instead, he learns how to keep himself, and the Sentinels around him, safe and sane while trying to stay two steps ahead of the next fight, the next clue, the next "training."

In Shanghai a few months later, he knows it's time to move on when people part ways for the brightly clad superheroes coming en-masse down the packed street for him.

Well, moving on it is.

Going back to the Tower, away from the Bats and Gotham and the Rogue Gallery (thinking about facing the Joker this raw and open is fucking terrifying), was the best he was going to get considering the circumstances.

Those circumstances being the pointed twitch over Kon's eye and Bart's very intense gaze.

"You were supposed to call, asshole. The OG Batman has been back in Gotham for like months and you've just been, you know, chilling with Lady Shiva?"

Tim, who is so out of bullshit at this juncture, feels better after a hot shower and some old sweats with a Superboy t-shirt, throws up his fucking hands.

"All right, fine. I never told anyone. I...I've been on suppressants since I was a kid, just like my mom. Guides..."

"It's not that bad anymore!" Cassie tries helplessly, the first to actually reach across the table for his hand.

The instant connection makes them both gasp. It’s a shallow one, just a dip under her natural shield (he knows it’s Cissy, the Guide that’s been helping her until now, bringing her back whenever she hits a Zone, recognizes the touch of their Arrowette), just a skim over her immediate emotions  this thing now untried and how utterly calm he makes her just by hands lightly placed. 

"O-ooh," is soft while his fingers tighten, his eyes sharpen, his shields constructing around her, his instinct to protect.

"Not necessary," Gar chimes in, still leaning against the door between the kitchen and communal entertainment room, "we're all good in the Tower, T."

Is what shakes him out of it, hastily pulling away from Cassie's hand.

"Wow." Wonder Girl breathes out, eyes soft and half-mast, looking at him dreamily.

"Nope." Because he can already feel the headache coming on, how her hand tries to grab back at his.

“We could fight better together, Tim!”

“Do you even know how strong a Guide has to be to take care of four Sentinels?”

In one terribly creepy singular move, Bart, Kon, Gar, and Cassie give him that look.

You know, aimed at his face.

"No one," Bart cuts in, eyes wide at the exchange, of Tim's aura warm and inviting suddenly stronger, reaching out... "Tim, T. No one has to know."

The flash of fear, a residual from the tunic, makes him hedge back a subtle step back.

Kon pointedly grips him by the bicep, over his shirt while Bart moves enough that his shoulder bumps into Tim’s ribs, halting the possible escape attempt.

“Okay, okay, backing off. New powers are about a bitch, not like we all haven’t been there once or twice.” Kon soothes over, taking small steps and tugging until Tim is moving with him closer to the communal kitchen where his seat is empty at the island, and they can possibly get proof the guy actually eats.

“Amen,” Cassie throws up a hand and is already digging through the fridge until she finds–

–the last grape Zesti.

Tim’s eyes narrow dangerously on that singular can, his body moving before his brain can take over because he’s sliding on his old chair, the can cold against his fingers, too thirsty for caffeine that he can’t even.

Sure, it’s a trap, but with these guys, at least he knows it.

“I’m very not ready to do anything remotely Guide-like in the field,” the soft ca-saaaa as the can opens. “You want me to sleuth, fight, and strategize, then I’m all for it.”

Bart is just suddenly in Kon’s usual seat beside him, spinning around in tight, fast circles, “you mean you’re thinking about coming back? To the life?” 

“Dude, that would be stellar.”

Tim side-eyes his besties, “it was never in the plan to-to stop.”

“Can’t blame us for assuming, you know,” Gar grins toothily, “no Red Robin for a while, my dude.”

Tim goes quiet, staring down at the can between his hands, shoulders hunched over.

“At least,” Raven’s voice is smooth and soft, comforting, “tell us why now, Tim?”

“Why now?”

“Why begin training as a Guide now?” She clarifies, sliding into the seat across from her, and the coolness of her aura, not a Sentinel, but something purely Raven puts his frayed nerves at ease, makes it easier for him to find the words.

“I turned 18,” and he can’t look at them while he admits to it, “and...and I figured out who my Sentinel is after Ra’s kicked me out the window.” (I was fine going out that way. It was fine. I was saving Wayne Enterprises from the League of Assassins, I was fighting the good fight. It shouldn’t have happened that way...why did it have to happen that way?)

“Oh,” and Cassie’s eyes get huge.

“Ra’s al Ghul is your Sentinel?!” Bart fairly screams.

“No dude,” Tim rolls his eyes and finds his can suddenly fascinating. “It’s...Dick. He’s...yeah. It’s him.”

“I didn’t hear that,” Kon hurries, standing shock-still, “I didn’t hear any of that.”

“Not him,” Bart is gritting his teeth because dammit, why couldn’t Tim have been his Guide? The universe was totally, wholly unfair.

A muscle in Tim’s jaw flexes, his nose pinkening along his upper cheekbones. He blinks watery eyes, takes a deep, deep breath to try and keep himself under control. 

“Yeah,” and Tim sighs a little, the ache in his chest more acutely painful when he thinks about that moment waking up in the Cave, Dick in the Batsuit without the cape/cowl combo smiling down at him, still painfully unaware of the connection drawn tight between them.

(He doesn’t need me. He’s got Babs and Dami. His Guide and his Robin.)

Getting the absolute fuck out of the Manor had been his first order of business once he’d come to, just sprouting whatever placating bullshit Dick needed to hear to let him go without much of a fight (this time).

Finding Bruce and staying the hell out of Gotham hadn’t helped the pull he inexplicably felt, or the pressure of minds around him that had sent him to Shiva in the first damn place. His Guide abilities were overcoming the suppressants, so he was out of time...and out of options. 

Still, even with the training, he occasionally has the dreams at night. Not the usual array of awful nightmares from his real life, Jason shooting him in the chest at point-blank to make sure the job gets done this time, Bruce dying right before his eyes, turning into that skeleton husk Superman brought to them thinking it was the real thing, Damian sneering at him with the katana held high, spitting out how it’s time the real Robin took his rightful place just before bringing the blade down–

No, no, it’s even worse than those.

It’s shadowy hands touching him, the warm wet of a mouth over his skin and scars, gentle voice in his ear telling him how beautiful he is, how much he’s needed, wanted, how it’s not just because of what he is or what tunic he used to wear, it’s all because he’s Tim. He doesn’t wake up when his dream self realizes it’s Dick over him, those blue eyes taking him in, pinning his wrists down to look over every inch of his naked body. He doesn’t wake up when Dick starts preparing him. He doesn’t wake up when Dick kisses him hard and desperate. He doesn’t wake up when the tears dry on his face and their bodies line up.

“Mine,” his dream Sentinel doesn’t even hesitate, “Don’t ever run from me again. Do you understand me, Tim?”

Just before Dick pushes, he wakes up, panting and hard, his instincts going crazy enough that he has to meditate to calm down.

Cassie gently wraps her hand around his shoulder, making sure they don’t have skin-to-skin contact this time. “I’m sorry,” she smiles gently at his frown, “I know you and Dick have had some...issues in the past few years.” But he can read the guilt in her face. Back when everyone thought Bruce was dead and his cape had been yanked out from under him, Dick had sent Cassie to try talking some “sense” into him. She still feels awful for jumping on the same train everyone else had been riding, the ‘that guy is suffering from depression’ instead of believing he might actually be right. 

(It still stings though, doesn’t it?)

He doesn’t say anything back, just looks out one of the big windows and pulls out of her hold to take a drink of his Zesti.

“But,” Gar quickly jumps in, “you’ll stay in the Tower and fight on the team again, right? Like, no more trips with World’s Deadliest Assassins?”

Tim visibly hesitates, pausing with the can up to his mouth. 

Slowly, he lowers it, his eyes taking on a cold calculation that is and isn’t like their old Rob. “Like I said, I can’t be a Guide for anyone, and I mean that. Second, I told you the truth in confidence, so I expect everyone to keep my secret. Third, I’m not anywhere near ready to go to Gotham or face the Bats, so for now, I’m fighting under the radar. If those aren’t acceptable stipulations, I’ll grab some of my clothes from storage and be out of your Tower.”

“Storage?” Kon glances around at the team, “Tim, buddy, why do you think we’d have your stuff in storage?”

“I assumed Dick would already approach you about making Damian part of the team,” his tone is absolutely empty, emotionless. “And there’s no way both of us could be here at the same time, so...” he lets them put it together from there.

The look of utter devastation on Kon’s face makes him feel slightly better.

**

Coming back when Cassie, Bart, and Kon have his back, just like they were closer to the end of their YJ run, makes the transition easier than it realistically should have been.

And it really might just be how low the dose of suppressants are now, or that he feels comfortable stepping into Robin’s role on the team, just with a different name, a different mask. It might just be how Bart has a tendency to hover with that hummingbird energy coming off him even when he’s seemingly standing still, maybe it’s Kon’s TTK pressing at his back even if the guy is across the room, maybe it’s how he and Cassie have leadership meetings where they just binge watch reruns of Gossip Girl and eat ice cream to bemoan their woes. 

But maybe, it’s how he can feel them pulling at his shields unconsciously. Maybe it’s how he can sometimes push back enough, can skim just the edges to get impressions of angry, sad, depressed and gently erect a mental shield without delving deep without permission, can give them the space they need from their intense senses and powers. 

Just another way he can be the regular guy on the team, working under the radar. So much a part of his role in the first damn place. 

He doesn’t realize it becomes something normal until they take the good fight a little too close to Gotham for his liking, but the choices were few and Luthor is such an incredible ass hat that Tim actually plays it down, dresses up as CEO Tim Drake to divert their baddie while the team takes apart his latest weapon of mass destruction on the down-low.

What he absolutely doesn’t expect is to leave the lobby of one of the most posh restaurants in Metropolis–

And walk face-first into Dick Gryson’s chest.

(Technically, it’s Nightwing, but really, this doesn’t make the sitch any better.)

A hand, black with blue fingerstripes, covers his mouth, and the sound of a grapple retracting is a pending oh no that he doesn’t fight the vigilante pretty much kidnapping him off the street in broad daylight. 

He can only thank God it isn’t skin-to-skin contact because his inner senses are flaring this close to the Sentinel, his Sentinel, that he has to grind his back teeth to keep himself in check. He pulls away the second they land it on solid rooftop, shoving his sleeve back to check the team’s status on his hidden wrist computer. 

Mission success! 

“Imagine my surprise,” Nightwing growls, hand on his shoulder to spin him around, “when I find you having lunch with someone like Lex Luthor instead of taking my damn calls, Timmy.”

Stepping out of that hold is subtle because Tim is looking over the side of the roof, adjusting his tie to try putting some distance between them. “I’m undercover. Those are the things people like us do when we’re running an Op, Nightwing.”

Those whiteouts narrow on him, a trick only Dick can really pull off effectively. “None of that tells me where the hell you’ve been for the last year since you left to find Bruce, found him, and didn’t come back.”

His back straightens, eyes looking away when the irritation and heat of anger hits him harder without the nice little cocktail of suppressants and stabilizers, makes his own shields tremble at the burning sear along the edges of his consciousness. 

Instead of saying something he might come to regret, Tim sucks in a breath through his nose and works through the bolt of pain, gathers his shields around himself to keep the Sentinel from unerringly lashing out at him again.

“What the hell are you even doing here? Recon on Luthor? For which nefarious plot?”

A black and blue hand slashes the space between them, “not even important, Tim. So, how about you call your team and tell them you’ve got some Bat business because we? Need to talk.”

“I’m sorry, what now?”

“You heard me. I’ve been trying to get in contact with you for weeks.”

“I sent back your case files, asshole–”

“Not about cape and cowl shit, Tim!”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about right now,” even though he does, he really does. He just doesn’t know why it has to happen now.

Nightwing, however, has had enough of the talk and with a whip of his arm has a bolo out and thrown, his natural speed as a Sentinel might be slower than someone like the Flash, but it still has Tim wrapped up tight faster than he can realistically dodge.

The sight of the vigilante Nightwing swinging through Metropolis with the CEO of Wayne Enterprises over one shoulder would be big news in the city if anyone had been bothered to really look up.

**

The hotel is nice Tim thinks while wiggling around on the bed where Dick pretty much dumped him. His fingers are already getting the bolo loose from around his upper body by the time Dick has the mask off and the Nightwing suit unzipped to flop around his waist.

The Gotham Knights t-shirt underneath is a new one since the old faded one got blown up in that little explosion in the ‘Haven a few years back.

Dick lifts and sets a chair down with a pointed clack, sitting down to watch Tim squirm his way up. He’s got the bolo loose enough to brace his palms.

“What part of I’m in the middle of an OP–”

“Don’t care,” Dick cuts him off ruthlessly, those blue eyes hard and jaw tense. “I honestly don’t give a crap about the Titans right now.”

“Well I sure as hell do thank-you very much,” Tim pulls the bolo off, tosses it across the room with an angry flick, facing his former mentor, former partner, former friend with those old feelings creeping up his throat to make the taste in his mouth coppery and bitter.

“The only thing I care about right now is that I finally caught up to you. The last time I even saw you was that swan dive–”

“I’m aware. Being kicked out of a window is pretty memorable, even for people like us,” he keeps it deadpan, keeps the anger and irritation, the feelings of shit like betrayal and it must have been so easy to throw me the fuck away.

“The point is, smart ass, you left the Cave and haven’t been back. You only answer my emails about cases and bad guys. But when I ask you to come back home, which I have, Tim, I don’t even know how many times, and I get nothing! We need you–”

“Why would I come back to Gotham for you?” Is what spills out of his mouth, something bitter and foul. “You’ve already got a fucking Robin to be your little brother, remember?”

Welp, there goes playing it cool.

But watching Dick jerk back like Tim had landed a physical blow was more satisfying than he wanted to admit.  

“Are you kidding me right now? You’re still angry about that? I’ve explained to you exactly why–”

The irritation in Dick’s tone, obvious disgust when he leans back and crosses his arms over his chest is just about enough.

“You explained it just fine. You made your choice, so everyone just has to deal with it, right? Yeah, that’s really being my equal.” 

Tim makes himself stay deadly calm and cold, moves his legs away from Dick’s to stand and take a few steps away from the seething Sentinel to adjust his tie and try to get his hands to quit trembling. 

“I can’t believe you’re acting this childish, Tim. I’m really disappointed with you right now.”

“Glad we’re on the same page, Dick, disappointed in each other,” but it strikes him anyway in the small, sad place where he held on to the hope they could still work everything out somehow and at least go back to being friends. A small part that’s been slowly dying in degrees, and that last hit is enough to make it so absurdly painful.

(All those years in the R, fighting the good fight, being brothers, having each other’s backs, and it all ends here, doesn’t it?)

“What? I did everything I could do for you! I–”

“If that’s what you want to believe, then that’s fine. I don’t have any reasons to argue with you,” staring at his own reflection in the mirror, seeing the red start to creep over his cheeks, his eyes get overly shiny, Tim Drake straightens his spine and flexes his own shields. 

He keeps himself together enough to turn on a heel and walk calmly to the door.

“Tim, just...okay, just wait. Let’s talk this out–”

He doesn’t even turn, hand already on the knob, just pulls open the door and takes a hasty step through. It’s only the first step, but Dick is still just suddenly there, trying to snatch at Tim’s wrist with a bare hand, managing the brush of fingertips over a pulse.

“Don’t leave like this,” Is the last thing Dick says before the electric shock slides up his spine, the pull to all his senses almost has him on his knees.

The touch has Tim lurching away, jerking his wrist up to cradle against his chest, the red burn of Dick’s emotions beating at his shields harder with just a simple graze.

It ends with Dick still in the doorway, braced against the frame, gaping, and Tim leaning heavily into the wall across the hall, a wince on his face.

Stupid metaphysical connections and shit.

The touch hadn’t been enough to, you know, like bond them or anything, but it’s widely believed True Pairs didn’t even have to touch to get impressions from one another.

“You asshole,” he seethes at that shocked expression. 

“You feel like I betrayed you,” is low and thick, Dick’s eyes a little dazed with what he picked up through the momentary connection, “it hurt you so much when I made Dami my Robin because I didn’t even talk to you, I didn’t trust you. You think I just threw you out of my life. How could I ever do that to you...?”

If Tim was a better Guide, on a higher dose of suppressants, he would have been able to keep himself closed off enough that if they did manage to touch, he could have kept Dick out of his shields, wouldn’t have given him the ability to skim over shitty emotions.

If Tim was a better Guide, he wouldn’t have the urgent need to run.

But welp, here they are.

As the thought takes shape in his brain pan, that he’s in his civilian day-ware and can run down the hall while Dick –still half in Nightwing– is trapped in the doorway, his knees firm and his eyes dart wildly to the side, giving himself away.

And since Dick was Batman, is Nightwing, is a Sentinel, he sees the writing on the wall and absolutely refuses to let it happen. Dick shoves with his arms, darts out into the hallway, makes his suddenly weak knees work enough to shake up Tim’s plan, seizes the apparent Guide, his Guide, in a princess hold and get back before the door even starts to close.

“Put me–!”

But Dick folds his legs to sit with his back against the door, and wraps both arms around the struggling third Robin. He can hold onto Tim better than a bolo anyway. 

The push at Tim’s shields is a pressure he isn’t used to dealing with, and it’s painful to fight against it rather than just let the tentative connection open. His hands curl into fists in his lap, trying to strain against the arms pinning him while concentrating on strengthening his shields. 

He doesn’t realize he’s whispering, “no, no, no,” under his breath. 

“Please,” Dick lays his forehead down on top of Timmy’s head, “please don’t go. Not now. I’m finally...Tim, I get it now. I swear, I get it.”

“...doesn’t matter. Too late.”

“That isn’t fair,” the smallest shift and Dick is breathing against his throat, making him shiver, “I just found out you’re...a Guide. My Guide. We haven’t even started yet. It can’t be too late if we haven’t had a beginning.” It gets worse when Dick breathes in his scent deeply, a noise coming out of his chest.

“We have had a beginning,” he bites out, fists tight, concentrating on keeping his shields strong but flexible, “we’ve had years–”

“And I’m not ready to throw all of that away.”

The pressure against his mental shields finally eases up as Dick raises his head, gives him a little shake to make him look up. 

“You already did, remember?”

“I didn’t... I never threw you away. That’s not what I meant or wanted. Yes, I should have handled things better. I know that now, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I was sorry before, I just didn’t know how to tell you, how to make it better between us.”

Tim’s eyes narrow, and he doesn’t let up in case this is one of those diversionary tactics to put him in a false sense of security. 

(They fight bad guys. Sometimes, they have to cheat, and he wouldn’t put it past Dick to do just that.)

“I don’t know what you think is going to happen here,” he finally tries, staring up into those blue, blue eyes (I trusted you once, and fuck if I’m going to let you do this to me again). “But whatever it is, you’re wrong. I’m not going to come back to Gotham and be your Guide. I’m not going to bond with you because the universe says I’m meant to be some kind of magical counterbalance.”

Dick’s expression crumples, his arms go a little slack. 

“Tim, we’re...we’re a True–”

“I don’t give a fuck about True Pairs, Dick, not anymore. Babs has been your Guide since you both presented. She wants the job, she can damn well have it.”

It’s not a fight to push against Dick’s arms the second time and stand up out of his lap.

“You’ve loved me since the moment you put on the cape, Tim. I know you have.” When what he means is I know now.

“I loved you before that, you asshole, and you betrayed me. You don’t get that chance again.”

Turning away shouldn’t be this easy now that Dick knows the truth, but it is, and the very last parts of him still hoping, still craving, are just as easily–

–wiped out.

Dick’s eyes are watery when the door hisses and creaks upon opening, and it’s an automatic thing, reaching a hand up just expecting Tim to take it.

“Tim. Timmy, please.”

“Good-bye, Dick,” is already fading with rapidly retreating footsteps. At least he can keep some of his dignity because Dick will never know he falls the fuck apart as the elevator goes down.

**

Author’s notes:Here’s why I don’t like this: 1. I want to talk more about why Tim chose Shiva as the Sentinel to teach him how to be a good Guide. Like, I want to explore that dynamic more because I’ve never really had the time or space to write Shiva as we see her in Tim’s Robin run.2. I wanted to go more into the expanded senses of Sentinels and how to - hell, I dunno, make it seem to be a little closer to cannon maybe? Like point out some of Dick’s greatest escapes and be like part of that is due to his Sentinel power. 3. Dick says some shitty things, and I don’t give him any context. Like, at that point, he legit believes he did the right thing at the time, and look! Tim’s Red Robin so everyone wins! But yeah, once he got under those shields, the truth shakes him up. 4. I dunno, this au might not be for me. It doesn’t feel very different from some of my other angsty things I guess but meh. Who knows, I might fix it someday :D 

[the-evisceration-station]

What do you think book!addy’s feelings are towards beth? Even tho addy is the protagonist I still find her very hard to read. Which makes her interesting I guess Bc she’s very mysterious. I love and hate that a lot of the story is subtext haha

That’s a very interesting question and I’m sure everybody probably has a different answer for it, as Addy is such an ambiguous character and intentionally so, because she lies to readers as well as herself. Particularly book!Addy, who I do not believe is quite identical to TV!Addy, even if I do think the most important beats of her character remain the same. I’m going to answer this under the cut both because of potential spoilers and because this is probably going to get long.

In this essay, I will…

Well, I think much of the way Addy describes Beth is some of the way Addy genuinely sees her, rather than an entire farce. Beth being something almost goddess like, someone who knows all and always has some kind of agenda. I don’t think Addy’s actually lying to us when she describes viewing Beth in those ways, I think there is a major part of her that does see Beth as some kind of nearly divine entity.

I think she feels this way partially because Beth is something of a spooky kid, she’s violently protective of Addy to the point where “protective” crosses over into “possessive” territory. I also think Beth projects a powerful persona on purpose. Beth very carefully guards her vulnerabilities and she is, after all, Top Girl, the thing that Addy secretly wants to be. And that’s where I think Addy kind of confuses Beth with what Beth has, and what she thinks it means to have that. She thinks Beth is more powerful than she actually is, because Beth has the thing Addy wants and she believes she’d be more powerful herself, if she had it.

However, do I think Addy sometimes exaggerates about how powerful she sees Beth as?

Absolutely. Because Addy also reveals she knows Beth has vulnerabilities. She knows that laughing is Beth’s way of crying. She is fully aware of how detrimental and unhappy Beth’s home life is, another vulnerability. When she wants Beth to give her one more day before going to the cops, and asks her for it, she pleads, “for me,” because Addy knows that she, herself, is one of Beth’s weaknesses. So if Addy knows where the chinks in the armor are, chances are she doesn’t always see Beth as infallible as she acts like she does.

The fact that Addy knows she can get Beth to do what she wants with a “for me,” also implies that she’s aware that she’s the one who actually has more control in the relationship, which diminishes how godlike she constantly describes Beth as.

Look, I have seen some takes that describe the Addy/Beth relationship as “Addy has All The Power behind the scenes and Beth is just her pawn,” as well as “Beth has All The Power outright until Addy stands up for herself” and personally I don’t agree with either. I understand why people would come away with such interpretations, but I personally don’t think it’s either. I think Beth and Addy both have power in that relationship, and that there is push and pull between them. I actually feel that to insist one has all and one has none is to cheapen the complexity between them, the depths of the layers of this twisted relationship they’ve woven together like a tapestry.

However, I DO believe Addy has the lion’s share of the power. Not that Beth has none. I certainly think she has some, and she’s too aware of what Addy is like under the surface to ever be described as her pawn. But that I do feel that Addy has MOST of the power. Because Beth has more exploitable vulnerabilities in places Addy doesn’t. Because Beth will do anything for Addy, and Addy knows it, and Addy knows she can use it when she has to. Because when Beth goes too far, Addy can assert her quiet control and reel her back in line. Some of the other girls notice this much. They point it out more frequently in the show, but it’s book!Tacy who point-blank tells Addy that she’s more afraid of Addy than she is of Beth.

Hence, given that Addy has the lion’s share of the power, I think she has a tenancy to exaggerate how all-powerful she sees Beth as, because if she has to, she can control Beth’s power by proxy. Beth’s power isn’t an inevitability for her. Quite often, it’s even her asset.

What I do think almost feels like an inevitability for her, is her and Beth’s relationship. I actually think Addy has more internal conflict about this than she lets on. She is an unreliable narrator. She doesn’t tell us everything. What she does tell us, is what she wants us to know, and it’s dyed by how she wants us to see it. But I think it’s very interesting that after the fight at cheer camp, and the other girls think they’ll never be friends again, Addy’s just…of the mindset that well, of course they would. Because coming back together, being together is just what they are. Like it’s some force of nature, not a conscious choice. Like it is what it is, the same way gravity exists because it exists and when something is dropped, you can count on it to fall to the ground. Because gravity exists and things do not simply float away, it is not good, it is not bad, it is not fair nor unfair, it just fucking is. And Addy dismisses the other girls’ thoughts, because she thinks they could never understand. Well, I don’t think Addy really understands it either!

I think at this point in the book, Addy truly felt like what she and Beth had was an inevitability of a sort. I don’t think she wanted it to be. I think she genuinely wanted to move away from Beth already, but on this point, I don’t think she was lying to us. Relationships are complicated, codependent relationships specifically can feel very contradictory and confusing. And I think she failed to elaborate more on it, specifically because such feelings were confusing and contradictory, and she didn’t want to think about it any more than she had to. She didn’t want to look at it. There are many things Addy doesn’t like to look at.

Major YMMV on this one because it’s left incredibly ambiguous, but I personally do believe there was a point in time when Addy was in love with Beth. Addy is the one who kissed Beth. Addy is the one who initiated their borderline (or even, some people think it went that far, I personally don’t) sexual encounter.

“I started it, but I don’t even remember why or how,” is her input on her motivation. But when is Addy ever honest about her motives? Almost never, not even to herself.

Also, the hamsa bracelet. The story behind the little charm is that it’s the Hand of Fatima. Fatima was stirring a pot when her husband came home with a new wife, let the ladel slip from her fingers, stirred with her own hand, and didn’t even notice the pain because of how brokenhearted she was. Or, at least, that’s the version of the story presented in the book. The one I know of IRL is different, but for the purpose of discussing Dare Me book canon, I am using the symbolism of the version of the Hand of Fatima lore presented to us in the book.

Beth is Fatima in this story. Addy is the husband. The new wife is Colette. Fatima was the first wife. The husband married his first wife, chances are, he loved her at some point.

I think three things play into Addy no longer being in love with Beth.

1) Beth’s possessive behavior began to feel suffocating and drive Addy away.

2) Addy prioritizes ambition over love and accomplishing her goals wins out over any romance, at the end of the day.

3) Addy represses her sexuality and probably even holds some (unfair) resentment toward Beth for feeling attracted to Beth.

My gray faced friendo, I am going to repeat that: this is all just my take. I think in a subtext loaded book like Dare Me, people are bound to come away with over a hundred different interpretations. I am not the authority on Dare Me. That’s Megan Abbott. I’m not here to crap on anyone else’s interpretation if they feel different.

All of this is what I personally took away from the book and since you asked, that’s what I’m describing. I’ve been giving my own personal take throughout the entirety of this answer, of course, but what I’m going to describe going forward is a lot of me reading in between the lines with my magnifying glass, and may seem less coherent than the above. Okay, here we go.

Point #1: I feel like Beth’s possessive behavior began to drive Addy away, because it’s a lot to deal with. Beth gets dog leashes for all the girls on the squad at one point, but goes as far as to have Addy’s name embroidered on hers. Addy goes to another girl’s birthday party and when she gets home, low and behold, Beth is waiting at her house. RiRi outright refers to Addy as “Beth’s girl,” as if Addy belongs to Beth.

I think Addy even begins to feel like she does belong to Beth, in some ways, and becomes comfortable feeling that way. But eventually, she doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. Their relationship is extremely codependent, okay. I think in both the book and the show, it’s more obvious from Beth’s side, because we’ve reached the point in that relationship where Addy is beginning to pull away. Beth reflexively seems to cling on even tighter, because she feels it happening. But it’s absolutely codependent from Addy’s side too.

Throughout the book, there are many moments (I’m not going to comb for all of them, sorry dude, it’s almost 300 pages) where Addy behaves like she and Beth are an entity unto their own. Even as she’s moving away from her as she develops her bond with Colette, there are instances where Addy will describe sensing things inside Beth. There is even a moment where Addy thinks Beth is touching her ear (the ear Addy scarred, mind you) only to discover, no, she’s touching her own ear!

Plus, Addy feels like she needs others to verbalize her thoughts/feelings for her and for a long time, this person is Beth. Implying that not only does Addy rely on Beth to do such a thing for her, but she believes that Beth can know her thoughts accurately enough to do so.

Point #2: I think ambition outranks love for Addy, because her goals are her endgame. Addy is patient, Addy is deceptive. Addy likes the way power feels and I think it’s one of the reasons she gets so high on her relationship with Colette (even if it is an inappropriate and eventually damaging one). Colette makes Addy feel powerful, probably more powerful than she actually is. I’m going to repeat myself a bit here and even copy/paste some of my thoughts about this from a reply I left to a comment on Ao3 (that poor person, I went into a full on Addy rant) because I feel like what I said previously is relevant here.

*deep breath* When we begin the book/series, I personally believe like on some level, Addy does still have feelings for Beth. However, I do NOT think those feelings are as strong as they once were, and I don’t think they are feelings Addy wants to have. I think the remaining feelings Addy does have for Beth are mostly there because they’ve been in a codependent relationship for so long, one that consumes her identity, and in a relationship like that, even if you don’t want those feelings anymore, they’re difficult to move away from. Because at some point, you don’t really know who you are not just without that person, but without those feelings, even if you want to, even if wanting to is part of the reason you want to get rid of those feelings. Codependency is a strange animal, my friend.

Although Addy’s relationship with Colette was never mutually romantic nor canonically sexual, I do believe there was a part of Addy that was ‘killing’ her remaining feelings for Beth through that relationship. “Love is a kind of killing,” is one of the oft repeated lines of the book, and I’d even say it’s one of the themes. It is Beth who says it, and we see that she feels it too, her love for Addy is killing her. She nearly kills herself out of it (though I’d say other things impacted Beth enough to put her in such a state that suicide felt worth it, even if her feelings for Addy were the primary motive, again YMMV).

The Matt/Colette/Will dynamic is another example of love becoming a kind of killing. Matt kills Will for Colette. If we believe what she tells Addy, then he acted on his own in doing so and it was an accident. If we don’t believe her, she might’ve even been the little worm in Matt’s ear who told him to do it. Either way, he killed for love. None of the audience really cares for their hetero nonsense, because Matt is sexist and both Colette and Will are predatory people, but nonetheless, their debacle largely impacts the story. And it supports the idea that “love is a kind of killing.”

I believe love as a kind of killing is something Addy weaponizes for her own development. To her own detriment as well, because it ends up taking her to dangerous places.  Even so, I think Addy had/has some lingering feelings for Beth she uses forming a bond with Colette to metaphorically ‘kill’ inside herself. Like finishing off an already mortally wounded animal, if you will. This would also support “love is a kind of killing” as a recurring theme.

Addy’s relationship with Colette gave her a crutch and a new outlet, and Colette’s encouragement (while the audience knows its manipulation) also gave Addy affirmation for the way she was already feeling about Beth— that she wanted to distance herself from her and come into her own. In addition, Colette seemed to be ‘safer’ because Addy doesn’t have to compete with Colette.

The presence of specifically female socialization is very palatable in the book. The way the girls slut-shame each other. The way other people see them, the feminine appeal of cheerleading. Others take the glitz and the glam of it at face value without understanding the more masculinely-coded things that go into it, like dedication and athleticism. Colette is a villain, no doubt, but you have to give the devil her due, and her circumstances are as miserable and empty as they are because she finds herself boxed into traditional feminine roles she isn’t suited for. Although the show is not the book, and I will maintain that I don’t feel they are identical entities, I do think Willa had a lot of interesting input on this in her Build interview, alongside Taveeta and Abbott. Check it out if you have the time—

Wait, where was I?

Right, right, female socialization in Dare Me. Okay, continuing on.

I feel that female socialization also plays an important role in the relationships between the characters, namely the Beth/Addy/Colette dynamic. We live in a culture where women are socialized to tear each other down and compete with each other even outside of the athletic arena. Combine that with the athletic, cutthroat world of cheerleading and you’ve got yourself a powder keg of an environment where those competitive feelings are going to come out full force. Addy, wanting what she wants, is inevitably going to have to view Beth as a rival, romantic feelings or otherwise aside.  

Colette feels like a ‘safer’ object of attraction because her cheerleading days are over.

Colette does not pose a threat to Addy’s thirst for power, she can only help her achieve it. I definitely think the lack of Colette posing a threat to Addy’s goals plays into how comfortable she feels with her. I also think, to a teenager with dreams of grandeur already feeling suffocated in a relationship with her peer, this is where the age gap appeals to Addy even as it disturbs us readers.

Again, Addy doesn’t have to compete with Colette, because Colette has aged out of ‘cheerleader’ and into ‘coach.’ Colette is a seemingly self-sufficient adult (initially) who doesn’t spin out the way Beth does, and depend on Addy as heavily as Beth does. Colette represents the agency Addy covets, and feels nearer to when with her.

I mean, we all know things change once a dead body is brought into that dynamic and we all know that Colette is emotionally manipulating Addy for her own purposes. But I’m not talking about Colette’s perspective, I’m talking about Addy’s before all the crime scene hullabaloo. What happens after the night with Will changes things, but up until that point, I think this is much of what Addy got out of her bond with Colette, no matter how inappropriate a bond it was. No matter how much it shouldn’t have been happening.

I will say, I don’t believe Addy ever fully realizes the extent to which Colette was manipulating her, although it’s clear as the book goes on, she realizes some of it. She picks up on things that don’t add up, acknowledges some red flags she initially ignored, and refers to her as a liar at one point.

Wait JJ, why are you talking about Addy and Colette? The question was about Addy and Beth!

Yes, but I think you cannot always separate the two. Because I think many of the developments that occur in the book between Addy and Beth, and the way in which they occur, play out as they do because of Colette’s entry into the story. Abbott said herself that Dare Me is a love triangle. A triangle is connected by all three sides, okay, continuing on…

I think there are things Addy deliberately sought out in her relationship with Colette— I will repeat this because again, I personally view this as part of the theme and part of the answer to your question— including ‘killing’ what remained of her feelings for Beth. I think it’s also very clear that she thinks Colette is the key to getting what she wants and accomplishing her own goals.

But I would go the extra mile and say she projects some of her feelings for Beth onto Colette. I’ve brought this up before, but I will elaborate more about that now.

I think Addy is earnestly attracted to Colette, just as Colette. Yes, even book!Addy. It’s more subtle in the book, but contrast the way she describes Jordy to the way she describes Colette. Her fascination with the way Colette looks when Will is fucking her. It speaks of attraction and that’s perfectly fine. It’s normal when teens have crushes on adults, what isn’t normal is when adults indulge those crushes. When adults pick up on the cues Colette does, and choose to fan the flames instead of snuffing them out. That’s the part that’s fucking scary.

But I also think she projects her feelings for Beth onto Colette and I think that helps explain why Addy latched onto Colette so quickly. When Addy messes around with Jordy, she does it because Colette points him out. And when she tells Colette about it later and Colette doesn’t even seem to remember him, Addy is taken aback, almost offended… and yet, just a couple of pages later, she’s disparaging the girls who do similar things for Beth.

“…hitching jeans low and flashing thongs at security guards. Beth likes to make these girls run.”

Colette and Beth also share some notable similarities. Both can be cold, cutthroat, have calculating thought processes. Colette even looks like Beth in the book. Addy also sort of tries to recreate a ‘better’ version of the bond she had with Beth, with Colette and this is where I stop and I’m like, man, what a weird freakin’ kid. Addy, smh. But you see it, right?

Addy flips for her coach like she flips for her captain. Ties the same bracelet Beth once tied on her wrist onto Colette’s wrist. Does the thing with Jordy very comparable to the things other girls do when they’re trying to impress Beth. Uses Colette specifically when she wants to become her own person, but can’t quite do so yet, because she’s so used to her lifelong codependence with Beth.

And you know how earlier I mentioned that Addy can control Beth when she has to? How the control Addy has over Beth is a quiet, deceptive thing?

Well I think that’s something that Addy projects onto Colette too. Addy is so used to being able to assert that quiet control and maintain the relational power (which is not the same kind of power Addy is seeking endgame) with Beth, that when she begins using Colette as Beth’s substitute, she doesn’t realize she doesn’t have it anymore. I think that’s one of the things that gets her into hot water later, because she absently assumes she’s going to be ‘safe’ with Colette the way she is with Beth, have that ability that she does with Beth to reel things back before they go too far…but she doesn’t.

Addy uses Colette as Beth substitute. But Colette is not Beth. Beth is spooky. Addy is scary. Colette is terrifying. Addy can’t take control of Colette the way she can of Beth. Colette is an adept master manipulator, an adult who has years of experience that Addy lacks. Colette is better at her game than Addy is at hers, and Addy gets in deep shit partly because she doesn’t recognize that.

I would actually compare the Colette/Addy situation a bit to the Kurtz/Beth situation in the show. There are things Beth wants out of Kurtz, she talks to him because she plans to use him, and it inevitably has devastating consequences for her. Kurtz is a predator. And he’s better at his game than Beth is at hers.

The situations are not identical. The consequences are not the same. But both are exemplary of teens being naive fools and thinking they have some control in situations they definitely do not, with people they couldn’t hope to.

Addy gets what she thinks she wants in the end. I’ve addressed why I think this isn’t as cracked up to be as she thinks it is in another post, but that’s not really relevant here. Addy chooses to pursue having her own power above all, and it’s Beth who winds up giving it to her, not Colette. But I think Addy needed to eliminate her feelings for Beth to actually get there, or even if she didn’t actually, it’s what she felt she had to do and most of those feelings were deteriorating already because of Beth’s possessive behavior.

Point #3: I personally believe Addy represses her sexuality. And I do think that plays into how she views Beth, both when she had feelings for her, and when those feelings began to die. I feel Addy harbors some subconscious resentment toward Beth along the lines of a “I don’t want to be like this, but you make me feel this way, and I hold it against you” type deal. However, again, I think that’s a subconscious feeling rather than something Addy is cognitively aware of, and actually, I don’t think it’s separate from how she’s fed up of Beth suffocating her. I believe it only feeds into that feeling and makes it stronger, enhancing her frustration.

Addy is often very cruel when she describes Beth. I think there’s a bit more to it than the inevitability of viewing Beth as a rival outside her control and somewhat within it, the possessive behavior Beth suffocates her with.

I think forgetting that she and Beth had a borderline sexual encounter was repression on her part. I also think this line;

“…and who need to talk of such wonders? We nestle them away, deep in the fury at the center of us, where things can be held tightly, protected, and secretly cherished as a special notion we once held, and then had to stow away,”

wasn’t just about Beth. I think it was about Beth and just like, pursuing girls in general. At least openly. I’d go out on a limb and say another one of the things that drew Addy to Colette was because Colette was a ‘safer’ objection of attraction in the sense that the likelihood of something happening between them was very low. Fantasize safely from the closet, kinda deal. But maybe Addy’s less aware of her sexuality, or at least confronting it than I’m giving her credit for. I mean, she looked up RiRi’s skirt and was all like, “why are other girl’s panties more interesting than your own?”

Addy. Addy, baby. Why do you think.

Oh, and I think Addy kissed RiRi without telling us! At the marines’ party, Addy and RiRi are hanging and then this scene happens.

“She’s fumbling with her phone, trying to send a text. Because it’s all okay because these are Will’s men and nothing bad could ever happen, one of them is pressing our heads together, wanting us to kiss.

“Always ready,” he says. “Always there.””

Then RiRi hugs Addy and starts in about how she couldn’t be close to Addy before, because of Beth. But that’s the thing. It just has that creepy ass adult man trying to make these teen girls kiss, then goes into some dialogue, Addy never actually explains what happens in that moment. If the guy made them kiss or if he let go of them. If either of them protested or just went along with it.

I personally believe they did kiss and I believe Addy doesn’t mention it for two reasons.

1) She’s trying to convince herself and us readers that Will is safe to be around, ergo his men must be too. But some grown ass dude physically trying to force teen girls to kiss each other is obviously a fucking creeper. Will is also a fucking creeper.

2) She enjoyed kissing RiRi and doesn’t care to elaborate on what enjoying that was like, because doing so would mean confronting her sexuality. Her sexuality being one of the many things Addy doesn’t really confront.

Wow, that was a long ass essay. In this essay, I done did. So that is my interpretation of Addy’s feelings for Beth. Feel free to take ‘em or leave ‘em, maybe we don’t feel the same way and that’s totally cool. But you asked, so I answered. That is what I feel is going on with all that mess there.

This essay probably has a shit ton of typos and for that I apologize, but I can’t comb through all this now. This long as hell and I’m hungry, I need to go eat. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 256: Fucking Superb You Funky Little Hero Eggs

Previously on BnHA: Aizawa and Mic’s frankensteined best friend Shirakumo, better known to us as Kurogiri, had his memories briefly restored through the Power of Friendship, and was all “YO Y’ALLS BETTER GO CHECK OUT THOSE HOSPITALS” before his head started steaming like a tea kettle and he randomly fell asleep. Aizawa and Mic were all “!!” and Aizawa was all “(ಡ ﹏ ಡ)” and Mic was all “Aizawa are you crying” and Aizawa was like “NO!!!” and then they left the prison and Nao called HPSC Lady who called Hawks and was all “eck-chay ethay ospitals-hay” because Hawks, as you recall, is still a secret agent and all that. Anyway so Hawks was all “EUREKA!!” in his head which doesn’t really add up but hey, and then the chapter ended with Dr. Ujiko dancing in sadistic glee as he watched Tomura get all mad scienced. It was pretty freaky. I could use some wholesomeness right about now so let’s see if this chapter will deliver.

Today on BnHA: Class 1-A shows off the fresh skills they learned during their assorted internships, such as “determination”, “enhanced search techniques”, and “becoming a literal blob of acid.” The Wonder Trio is a particular highlight, and All Might is all “my little baby off to destroy people :’)” as he watches Deku shred a robot to pieces using Blackwhip. We then cut to Aizawa and Mic, who may or may not be planning some rogue vigilante style investigations of the whole Noumu thing, or maybe they’re just brooding, but either way they’re interrupted by Mirio and Tamaki who come running in to get them to stop Eri’s quirk from going haywire, which, yikes. The chapter then ends with All Might handing Deku a notebook full of DETAILED, CATALOGED INFO ABOUT THE PAST SUCCESSORS AND THE FUCKING SIXQUIRKS. We just have to wait two more weeks to find out what that’s all about. 2020’s got some fucking zip to it so far huh.

so it’s about a quarter past 7 right now and it’ll be a miracle if I can have this recap up by 10pm tonight. surprisingly the wait for this chapter didn’t really bother me, but this Sunday/Monday release schedule is really doing a number on my punctuality. but anyways we’ll figure it out eventually. if memory serves, there’s about a 90% chance that this week’s jump will also be a double issue, so that gives me another extra week to get my shit together lol

(ETA: so that wasn’t too far off actually! I think a three-hour turnaround time isn’t bad for 3000 words lol. and actually it was more like two hours of reading/blogging and one hour of editing/photo cropping. anyway so in all likelihood either Sunday or Monday night releases will become the norm, depending entirely on how busy that particular Sunday is. not quite the same as getting the chapter on Friday and having the whole weekend to ruminate over it but we will adjust!)

anyway, so I’m somehow remarkably unspoiled for this chapter despite it having been out for nearly a week and a half at this point. so that’s something! let’s see what we’ve got here

yaaaay my babies

All Might was offering free cotton candy, yes? I didn’t expect we’d cut right back to this lol, but you sure won’t see me complaining. I want to see what everyone else learned during their internships, and also what with the break and the last couple chapters being Tartarus-focused, it’s been about a month since I last saw my little hero eggs, and of course I missed them I’m only human

omg

did the original dialogue really reference Skynet. Horikoshi truly gives no fucks about copyright. like one or two episodes ago the anime made some copyrighted reference which you could clearly hear in the Japanese but which the English subs hilariously glossed right over. I’m trying to remember what it was now. damn. anyways we millennials can never resist a good pop culture reference, facts

OH MY GOD AOYAMA

THEY’RE EATING THE COTTON CANDY

TOKOYAMI EATING COTTON CANDY IS THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN IN 2020 THUS FAR. LET ME TELL YOU, WE REALLY NEEDED THIS

SHOUTO EATING COTTON CANDY IS THE SECOND BEST THING TO HAPPEN IN 2020. IT WAS VERY CLOSE

I STALLED FOR TIME SO MUCH AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WTF TO SAY ABOUT AOYAMA’S NEW ATTACK OH MY GOD. JUST. I DON’T KNOW YOU GUYS. THIS BOY IS REALLY OUT HERE SLICING ROBOTS IN HALF WITH HIS BRAND NEW LASER PENIS. THE AMOUNT OF FUCKS THAT HORIKOSHI GIVES IS IN THE NEGATIVES I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY

OH ARE YOU STILL GOING

is... what’s... ldkfj okay nothing to see here guys just the naked invisible chick getting all friendly with Aoyama’s beam boner. just manhandling his sparkle shaft. there are children reading this manga. I mean, they’re already mentally scarred from all the dead dogs and child quirk wine and whatnot, but still at what point do we put our goddamn foot down

anyway so somehow she’s redirecting his laser beam?? I guess with her light refracting quirk skills?? great job Hagakure with your help Aoyama can finally shoot lasers at stuff that’s behind him. you’ve mastered the power of making it so that he doesn’t have to turn around great job truly an internship well spent

“now I can yank light and warp it!” you go girl now you can whip that thing around like it’s a fucking fire hose I guess

YOOOOO MINA!!

THIS GIRL LITERALLY COATED HERSELF IN ACID AND DID A FUCKING BARREL ROLL AHHHHHHHHH. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT, NO OFFENSE TO CAPTAIN DISCO DONG AND COMMODORE “I CAN DO EVERYTHING A MIRROR CAN DO” BUT THERE ARE UPGRADES AND THERE ARE UPGRADES, AND LET’S FACE IT, THIS IS THE REAL DEAL HERE

AHAHAHA I LOVE ITTTTT

is it too late for Mina to actually change her name to Acidman. what is she calling herself now again?? Pinky?? come on Mina strike some fear into the hearts of your enemies

and now All Might and the others are applauding. I don’t see Shouto’s cotton candy anymore. boy fucking inhaled that shit

oh wow, they interned under Yoroi Musha? if memory serves me, and I’m honestly not going to bother to check right now, isn’t that the samurai dude who somehow beat Ryuukyuu in the billboard charts? not that I’m still salty about that, oh wait I absolutely am but anyways

OH MY

IS THAT SOME KIRIMINA CONTENT UP IN MY PANELS. hot damn that is some cute fucking shit. Mina better not get any undue hate for this. everyone please remain calm this cute interaction does not threaten your ship in any way (unless you want it to in which case have at!!) and we can all have fun if we just play nice you guys

lmao All Might

“WE’RE ALREADY ON PAGE FOUR AND THERE ARE TWENTY OF YOU, WE DON’T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY CHILDREN”

so Satou and Ojiro learned how to punch harder and stuff. again, it’s fine, we can’t all be Acid Men. but meanwhile they interned with some lion guy named Shishido whom I INSTANTLY LOVE so that’s badass. only one character away from Shishida though, but that’s Horikoshi for you

OH MY GOD

BLAH BLAH YES ENHANCED SEARCH TECHNIQUES ZZZZZ BUT FUCKING LOOK THOUGH AT THE FLASHBACK OF HIM YEETING THEM, YESSSSSS. THE OLD WAYS HAVE NOT YET BEEN FORGOTTEN, GANG ORCA YOU ARE THE HERO WE DESERVE

meanwhile Sero, Kami, and Mineta learned how to literally kill people with their quirks flkdjsflk

(ETA: btw I really love that Mt. Lady’s internship emphasized teamwork. now there’s someone who’s come a really long way her own self. anyway I stan and she had better join the other two in the the top 10 real soon. come on BnHA society get with it.)

damn Mt. Lady what the fuck. “if you guys work together you can suffocate and electrocute villains to death with ease!” the government’s plan really is working huh; these children have become bloodthirsty, ruthless killers in a shockingly short period of time

anyways so Iida as we all recall learned how to be more footloose and fancy free, and meanwhile Kouda learned “smooth communication” from Wash, the literal washing machine man whom I also don’t still harbor a grudge against for inexplicably beating my dragon queen in the hero polls, and once again that is a lie because fuck you Wash! you’re adorable but fuck you!!

man this is taking forever why are there so many kids in this class. for anyone wondering why Horikoshi doesn’t focus on class 1-A as a whole more often and leaves them as supporting characters, this right here is why. I love these children to death but we would still be stuck in the basement arc. oh my god I just shuddered

Tokoyami mastered “improvement on all fronts” because I guess he kind of peaked at flying when it came to new moves huh. that’s fine for now

and Kiri mastered “making baddies lose the will to fight real quick” which sounds like some bullshit you’d write while desperately trying to pad your hero resume, except that it’s accompanied by this convincing panel of him chomping a steel bar in two or some shit which YIKES

can confirm, if some demonic rock man came trotting up to me and snapped off some railing from some stairs and fucking snapped it like a twig with his GIANT FOSSILIZED DINOSAUR TEETH, I’d lose my will to fight pretty quickly too

and Ochako and Tsuyu learned “determination” smdh. Horikoshi did you fucking fall asleep towards the end of this segment or what

WHO IS MAJESTIC OMG

excuse me did she just create a bunch of fucking dynamites. is that what those are. is my girl encroaching on my young son’s turf. because if she is, ENCROACH, MOMO, ENCROACH! FEEL FREE TO FUCKING IMPINGE, EVEN!! god, and I know I was bitching just a moment ago about these “lessons” becoming increasingly vague and intangible and motivational poster-y, but I read Momo and “predicting and acting efficiently”, and my thoughts immediately ran to Nighteye and Mirio’s fighting styles, and I was like “YESSSSSSSSS” because, I mean. YES, though

meanwhile Kacchan has learned...

this fucking -- I swear -- YOU LEARNED WHAT YOUR FUCKING HERO NAME IS GOING TO BE YOU TROLLING PIECE OF SHIT. oh my god. Katsuki I swear to god I will take your internet privileges. NO SRIRACHA FOR A WEEK UNLESS YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS

oh for fuck’s sakes

don’t mind him he learned boom with five b’s and three oo’s what did you all do this week. and somehow Todoroki learned how to be even more fabulous

so All Might’s looking on in pride and giving Endeavor some mental props, and waiting for Deku to go do his thing too

sdfkj he’s thinking about the day he gave Deku THE HAIR and that “[it] feels like ancient history now.” DOESN’T IT THOUGH?

OH MY FEELS

“you don’t look back at me anymore... and you don’t need to.” oh Aizawa’s dry eye has spread to me now huh. must be those January allergies. and that’s some nice bloop there kid. great jorb

someone tell All Might he’s not allowed to look on at Deku with this much fatherly love without giving me at least a week’s notice in advance

sigh. now you’ve done it you two I’m going to become a big cat blob of feels right here and it’s all on you. you did this

oh my god a whole big panel of reactions from the other kids and I’m ( ˊᵕˋ )

lol Kacchan can’t agree with anything even if it’s a compliment. and lmao, who the fuck was that who was all “TODOROKI FINALLY YOU’RE A FAST FUCKING HIMBO HUH!” like they really went and put that “finally” in there, like they were so fucking tired of Todoroki Shouto and his LANGUID FUCKING PACE all the fucking time, GOD, FINALLY SOME SPEED BOY WE WERE DYING OUT HERE

Mineta being happy for Deku also warms my heart, ngl. we’ve gone almost an entire chapter with Mineta not doing anything even remotely perverted, can it be, has Horikoshi finally chilled the fuck out. or did I just jinx it we shall see

also love how Deku is just reduced to an inkblot here and it still is him beyond any shadow of a doubt. and poor Sero, you are also being impinged on huh

lmao Mineta’s just socking Deku in the solar plexus out of comradery and Deku’s fucking vomiting on reflex and not even paying the slightest attention wtf

I love this panel there I said it

so he’s going over and thanking Ochako for “that time” and says he’s using Blackwhip a lot better now. I assume he’s referring to when he first unlocked it and went hog wild and she was all “smh” and went and hugged him to put an end to that nonsense

oh, right!!!!

I forgot about those!! looool Horikoshi’s 2020 resolution is to make everyone Spider-Man now huh. hey everyone guess what I LOVE THIS

oh my god this wholesomeness

I fucking can’t?? yo I’m seriously living for this? I don’t get why some people think Deku inhibits Ochako’s character growth tbh. or that her story is becoming all about him. if it is, then it’s in the same way that Bakugou’s is. Deku keeps inspiring her to be better, ain’t nothing wrong with that. yes she has the crush, and she’s honest with herself and in tune with her emotions enough to be aware of it and to acknowledge it, but she refuses to be distracted by it. I actually really like that, because it shows that romantic feelings can actually exist and not be the central focus of a character’s story or their development. and I think the fear is that it somehow will become the focus, but so far I haven’t seen that happening, so it seems unwarranted to me

anyway

shit’s cute

oh no Mineta’s doing something weird I fucking did jinx it I’m sorry guys. it’s a fucking fistbump dude relax

so All Might seems to be dismissing them now, and he’s saying something about how he reordered (?? rescheduled, maybe??) class so that Aizawa can watch later. that’s nice. he’ll need something to cheer him up, and if Acidman can’t do the trick I don’t know what can

and now we’re cutting back to the dorms!! dorm shenanigans yessssss

oh no shit wait

these are not playful dorm shenanigans these are depressed Miczawa shenanigans to bring me down. nnnn

but Aizawa fucking knows something is up now, shit. that’s right son your babies are in danger

KLJKLGLKSH

okay (1) HOW HOT IS AIZAWA THOUGH HOW DOES HE ALWAYS DO THIS

and (2) is “have a karaoke contest” code for “fuck shit up” or what. son of a bitch, having these two so personally invested in the Noumu arc now is such an unexpected and wonderful gift

MIRIO NO

(ETA: but you all know Aizawa was about to say “I’d go and fuck shit up” though.)

I LOVE YOU BOTH BUT THEY WERE HAVING A SEXY ANGSTING MOMENT, MIRIO CAN YOU NOT READ THE ROOM!! DO YOU NOT SEE THEM BEING ALL ANGSTY AND DARKLY CONTEMPLATIVE!! YOU TWO OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHEN LOVERS ARE BONDING OVER THEIR ANGST WHICH ONLY THE TWO OF THEM UNDERSTAND! FUCKING GODDAMN

NO!!!!!

[SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU LAY ONE FINGER ON HER PRECIOUS HEAD

NOOOO MY SWEET BABY GIRL

oh my fuck that sweater is the cutest fucking thing and this girl has had no shortage of cute outfits let me tell you. BUT ANYWAY SHE’S SCARED AND CRYING NOOOO. holy shit her horn is fucking huge now I don’t feel comfortable with this at all, and Nejire is Best Mom for not giving a single fuck and holding and comforting her regardless of the risk, I love her so much

OH THANK GOD

PALPABLE RELIEF. boys I’m sorry it was wrong of me to yell, you did the right thing interrupting their sexy brooding

BREAK ROOM AHHHHH THE SCOOBY SQUAD LIVES AGAINNNN

it means you constantly amaze him!! you have so much potential he doesn’t even know what the limit might possibly be! don’t act like you don’t love it. or stop being so suspicious and trying to look for the hidden meaning and just accept the praise for what it is. you did good. now ask him if he’s heard any news about Best Jeanist :/

!!

that’s right, he was researching and making faces a while back, are we finally gonna find out what all that was about??

DSLFKAJSLDKFH

HE MADE A NOTEBOOK FOR HIM AHHHHHHHH HE KNOWS WHAT HE LIKES THIS IS AMAZING

DOES HIM GIVING HIM THE INFO IN NOTEBOOK FORM MEAN IT’S UP TO DEKU WHETHER OR NOT HE WANTS TO SHARE THIS INFO WITH KACCHAN. HMMM. OBVIOUSLY HE WILL, BUT THAT’S A REAL POWER MOVE THOUGH, DAMN

“PAST SUCCESSORS / QUIRKS” EVERYONE, THIS BOOK CONTAINS THE SECRETS OF THE SIXQUIRKS. AND THE PREVIOUS OFA AVATARS. THAT’S FINE I’M JUST GONNA. ...I’LL BE FINE. FOR TWO WEEKS. FUCK

shit. well I know it was coming, that’s another reason why I didn’t feel particularly rushed to read this chapter lol. I kinda wish I’d had the foresight to save the Korean scanlation though, just to compare. ah well it’s probably still lying around somewhere

and lol and here’s the bonus page, and this one I did see floating around tumblr haha

I’m not sure how the three smartest kids in class are all present and yet not one of them had the foresight to consider that maybe, just maybe, this could be a bad idea. let’s let the kid with the combustible sweat handle the mochi I’m sure it’ll be -- [everyone immediately dies]. anyway so that’s some good friendly advice from Horikoshi there. happy new year friends!

[nebula-horizon]

🍺 Celeste and Jericho

Send a symbol for a drabble or thread [ Not Accepting! ]

🍺: Our muses drinking together

I listened to Lover is a day while writing this

((In Which Celeste gets dating advice while listening to Lo-fi))

   It was an unusually uncrowded night at the bar. Celeste had come alone without her friends just to see and talk to her favorite bartender. Having dressed up a little nicer than she usually did, but nothing too flashy especially with how she did her makeup. A tan colored sweater crop top and high waisted jean shorts were picked out as she hoped to get his attention, but she'd find out that her efforts were wasted. 

   Darius calling in sick? Who knew a workaholic like him would concede to a cold and call out for the day. Celeste sat on the bar stool she usually did as Darius's co-worker let her know the situation. Her shoulders slumped at the news -- it was hard to not feel like she wasted her time coming here since he was the only reason she liked going to this bar to begin with. The pastel haired woman sat there with her hands folded on the bar counter as she debated whether it was a good idea to go see him or if that would make her look desperate. She grumbled something in Tagalog before putting her head face down on the bar and her arms over her head.

   Thanks to the less rowdy energy in the bar tonight, Celeste's ears picked up on the chuckle coming from the person seated a couple seats away from her. She nervously peeked out  from under her arm at the source which was a young man with dark purple hair and one arm leaning against the bar. He had a rather chic look to him as he took a sip of his martini which is why Celeste was unsure if he was the one laughing at her. She sat straight up, looking from him and then around her.

   “Were you laughing at me?” she asked with a slight accusatory tone. The purple haired man gave another low chuckle which somewhat confirmed it. 

   “What’s not to laugh at? There’s something amusing about watching someone this grown up acting like a child.” he admitted. Celeste so badly wanted to pout and get defensive, but that would only prove this stranger’s point. 

   “I’m not childish,” she muttered looking away. “I just feel like I wasted my time coming here…”. Celeste sighed, it’s not like this guy would understand and besides, she just made herself sound desperate. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed him getting up. Oh great, she just embarrassed and weirded out yet another patron -- this was not the reputation she wanted to have at Darius’s workspace. 

   “Well, do you not go out to bars to drink?”. Celeste looked back up, only to find the same man she thought she weirded out seated on the bar stool right next to her. The pastel haired woman jumped back in her seat a bit causing the man to laugh at her again. Which in turn made her face flush with embarrassment. It’s a good thing that the lights in the club started slowly shifting colors to conceal her reddened cheeks. 

   “L-look… I don’t… I don’t drink.” she quietly stuttered. “I hate alcohol, it’s a personal preference, but I just don’t like getting even a little tipsy.”. Celeste sighed, listening to the Lo-fi music that started playing over the speakers. “I usually come to this bar specifically because I-I… I kind of have a small crush on one of the bartenders.” she admitted, using crush very loosely.

   “A crush, huh? Hahaha… How cute.”. Celeste didn’t know how to respond without sounding like a nervous and flustered mess. She noticed the stranger flagged down the bartender, before leaning towards her just a bit. “What’s your favorite drink here?” he asked, fully intending on ordering her something non-alcoholic. 

   “M-mango lemonade, why-”. And it just dawned on Celeste. “Wait no, you don’t have to buy me a drink, mister-”. He waved off her protests with a gloved hand as he went to order the drink, leaving Celeste covering her face. Once again, he gave her a smirk, tilting his head to the side acting as though he were confused at her little reactions. It was clear this girl didn’t fit in with the whole bar or club scene; like watching a fish out of water. "What are you even trying to do?" She asked him as though he had some kind of ulterior motives. Still hiding her face behind her hands, she was starting to feel flustered with this guy sitting right next to her this closely. 

   "What am I trying to do?" He repeated. "Well, I'm typically a busy man, but I figured I'd take some time to entertain myself.". Celeste moved her hands from her face as she watched the man sip some more on his martini. 

   "Is making girls feel embarrassed how you entertain yourself?". She huffed. 

   "Not exactly -- it's just mildly amusing seeing drunk people humiliate themselves. I've already seen quite a few tonight.". The bartender came back sliding over the fruity concoction to Celeste. "What’s your name?" The stranger asked. There was no way in hell she was giving this guy her real name. 

   “...Celeste, and you?”. She took a sip of her mango lemonade as she stared at him; the slow changing colorful neon lights of the club illuminating both of them. 

   “Jericho.”. He held a gloved hand out to shake hers and Celeste hesitantly reciprocated. “So do you only come here for this bartender?”. Despite being thirsty and infatuated by Darius, Celeste wasn’t going to let Jericho say it out loud. 

   “A-at first it wasn’t like that. I usually only like going out with friends because I like dancing.” She noticed him raising a brow when she said that, making her look away -- she hated when people stared at her like this. “Then I met Darius here while he was working… He was so nice to me. Protecting me from creepy men and talking with me when I felt scared to head to the dance floor. It’s like he could read me so easily when I was upset and he always knows how to make me smile when I need it.”. Celeste paused for a moment as she felt herself smile softly at the memory of their first meeting. Her mind taking in the music on the speakers as she almost got lost in thought.

♫Suffocated from the radiated air around us

Full of happiness we don't have

Brightness gone so dark

Without you girl♫

   She could feel Jericho’s stare on her, almost snapping her out of her trance. Shyly looking back to him to meet his electric blue gaze, Celeste gave a weak smile. 

   “Sorry, I’m rambling. I just… I know he wouldn’t date me.”. Jericho stared at her then at his empty martini glass, setting it down before leaning his arm against the bar as he spoke to the shy starry eyed girl across from him. It was so oddly comforting to let out her woes to a stranger because in her mind she wasn’t expecting to ever see him again after tonight.

   “And why not? You seem like a nice young lady,” he said, catching Celeste off guard. “Have you actually tried asking him out?”. That was a good question and in all honesty, she really hadn’t. There was something almost endearing with the way she thought about the question before looking down at her hands that she had firmly on her lap. “Heh, I’m guessing that’s a ‘No’?”. Jericho stared curiously as the shorter of the two sighed before she moved a strand of her pastel purple hair from her face and looked back at him. Her deep tan colored skin had the neon lights of the club illuminating it as the two of them had shades of blue and purple wash over them from spotlights.  

   “Yeah… You’re right, I haven’t tried asking him. I guess I’m just not confident enough in myself.”. Celeste watched as Jericho chuckled at her again. “H-hey come on, what’s so funny?”. 

   “Heh, nothing. It just seems so strange to me that a girl -- who’d willingly put herself out there and dance with such confidence in herself -- believes that she’s lacking in the ability to charm someone.” he stated. It seemed like Jericho was trying to insinuate something to boost her a bit, but was it a genuine compliment or was he just curious to see how she’d react out of boredom? It didn’t matter as Celeste hadn’t picked up on the tone in his voice.

   “Well… Yeah. I do think that. You don’t really think I’m actually charming or cute enough to boldly ask him out,  do you?” Celeste sighed. That smirk appeared on his face again except Celeste didn’t look away nervously from him again. Her eyes didn’t break eye contact with his own.

   “And what if I do?” he asked. “What if I thought you were cute in a demure way?”. Jericho said all this knowing very well she couldn’t respond properly -- it seemed like he was enjoying seeing her quickly become sheepish. Even under all the slow changing colored lights, he can tell her face was blushing at his words. “Haha, you should try asking this Darius fellow out,” he expressed with that laughter Celeste has now come to find sickly captivating. “I’m sure he’d love to see you blush in embarrassment when you attempt to.”. 

   There was a moment of peaceful silence between them besides the music on the speakers while Celeste quietly sipped on her mango lemonade drink till she was finished. 

   “Perhaps it was a good thing she wasn’t an alcohol drinker…” he thought to himself. Jericho saw as Celeste slowly stood up, hands fidgeting with the end of her sweater crop top anxiously. 

   “You’re right, I-I can’t ever know the answer if I never try shooting my shot, you know?” Celeste stammered. “Er… O-Okay! I’ll go home and call to see if I can visit him later…” she shyly said with a nod, Jericho’s words reassuring her. It was a little hard to find a proper response to being enamored by an utter stranger, yet Celeste wanted to give him some kind of thank you. Awkwardly holding her hand out again, the bracelet around her wrist jingling. “Thanks for listening to me… I-it was nice meeting you, Jericho.”.

   “The pleasure’s all mine.” he responded without missing a beat, shaking her hand once more.

   “U-um… D-do you think I’ll see you again sometime?” Celeste asked. She hadn’t noticed her hand lingered in his hold for a bit before pulling it back quickly. 

   “Perhaps you’ll see me again,” Jericho lied, knowing how dangerous it’d be if she found out what he did for a living. “Besides, I’m sure I won’t forget your face.”. He really had to get that last jab in, huh? It looked like his last little compliment worked as Celeste gave him one more shy sweet expression, only this time she was smiling. “See you, around, Celeste.”.

   “Y-yeah… see ya, Jericho…”. The starry eyed woman left in a hurry, covering her face with the sleeve of her sweater on her way out. Jericho grinned as she left before ordering another drink from the bartender. As the song came to it’s last chorus, he began humming along softly, thinking how nice it would be if he allowed himself to see her again .

♫Time changed

We're different

But my mind still says redundant things

Can I not think?

Will you love this part of me

My lover is a day I can't forget

Furthering my distance from you

Realistically I can't leave now

But I'm okay as long as you

Keep me from going crazy

Keep me from going crazy♫

[radioactivereactions]

hello!! it's a bit overdone, but I'm a hopeless romantic so I was wondering if you could do fo4 companions react to the first time saying "I love you," in their relationship; whether it was sole who said it first or them! thank you in advance, hun!! 💖💖❣️

Bold of Youto Assume I’m not a hopeless romantic.

Cait

Emotions aren’t Caits strong suit. She liked hugging, lovedkisses and would kill for a night alone with sole, but as far as verballyexpressing her compassion for sole the poor girl is like a deer in headlights.She wants to be able to say what she feels towards them, but her own pride andthe simple fact this entire thing is completely new to her always makes herclam up. What if she made a fool of herself and made Sole think less of her?She couldn’t have that, she couldn’t risk that. But it still irritated her tono end that her own anxiety stopped her from doing the one thing she wanted themost in this shithole of a world they call home. Never in her life have heremotions held her back from anything, and for once she couldn’t just beat upthe problem and have it solve itself. Which is why instead of the punching bag,she turned to the drink.

Ham gives Sole a nod as they enter the Third Rail, seeingtheir eyes roll back for a moment before they trudged down to the bar. Theyscanned the crowd before finally setting their gaze on Cait, her head restingon one of the tables. “Yknow I think before long they’re gonna name this tableafter you” Sole sighs out, tapping their head “C’mon, lets get you home”

It takes a while to get Cait to her feet, even longer to gether up the angled ground to exit the bar, from then on it still wasn’t exactlysmooth sailing; Sole being used as a support for all of Caits weight the entiretime while they stumble through Goodneighbour. At least Cait didn’t weigh thatmuch.

After a long and treacherous journey up the stairs of thehotel Rexford, Cait slumps over onto the bed with a slurred groan.

“What am I gonna do with you?” Sole murmurs, pushing a fewstrands of hair from her face

Cait murmurs something inaudible as a response.

“What was that?” Sole chuckles,

“Yknow I fucken love ya” She grumbles drunkenly

Soles heart picks up, a goofy smile spread on their facewhile they lean down and kiss her forehead “I guess now I do”

“Damn rightcha do”

Curie

Being a synth gifted little Curie with so many new andexciting opportunities, and filled her mind with so much information to learnand archive. Things like breathing and needing to eat and sleep in order tosurvive was entirely new to her, not to mention finally being able toexperience things like happiness!

She had only heard of love previously from her creator;Kenneth Collins, when she observed a very peculiar set of symptoms her archivehad not been able to diagnose as he spoke about his previous life and family.Curious as always, she questioned Collins on what was happening to his body,and upon his explanation on ‘love’ Curie was absolutely flabbergasted on howemotions could impact the human body like that, to the point she doubted thevalidity and thought Collins wasn’t telling the truth.

But now here she stands, next to the very person who rescuedher from her solitary in Vault 81, feeling the exact same symptoms Collinsdescribed many years ago.

Rapid heartbeat, clammy hands, dilated pupils, and generalanxiety. Was this love?

“Sole” She spoke tenderly, gaining the attention of them, assoon as their eyes met the symptoms only worsened.

“Everything alright Curie?”

“This relationship ‘as allowed me to finally solve a greatmystery with myself. I believe I am in love you”

Danse

Being exiled from the Brotherhood broke Danse in many ways.His entire life seemingly becoming absolutely pointless to him and his entiremotivation to simply exist being exhausted. But having Sole by his side madehim feel safe, secure, happy; after the confrontation with Maxson they’re all hehad and he wouldn’t rather have anyone else by his side.

It wasn’t long after he left that he and Sole had become athing, which only expanded his admiration for them. There wouldn’t be anyoneelse in the entire world who he would trust as much.

It was another day of patrol, Sole being on the lookout forsome sort of special gun that may or may not exist. Leave it to Sole to listento a random wastelander clearly on some mixture of chems.

“You realise the more times we spend looking for a possiblyexisting bit of metal is more time we could have been spending on somethingworthwhile” He mutters for the 7th time, not getting a response likethe time before. He goes to speak up once more before Sole suddenly dartsahead, turning a corner and going out of view.

Immediately Danse follows, listening out and trying to figureout which way, they had gone, but eventually the footsteps of his comrade justdisappeared.

“Sole” He calls out repeatedly, walking between the mazes ofdilapidated buildings of the commonwealth. Gaining no response each time. Astime passes so do his steps, his eyes scanning everything that moved and histeeth keeping a grip on his bottom lip. He continues calling out to Sole, thepanic gradually setting in at the sheer magnitude of possible things that mayhave happened, the bad things overwhelming the good.

“Sole!” He yells out, his breathing becoming scarce as deadsilence greets him, until after one cry out a call is returned.

“Danse! You alright?”

He turns around quick as a heartbeat to see Sole on the otherend of the road, his body acting on its own and running towards them, jumpingout of his power armour to wrap his arms around soles body, who is confused butnonetheless returns the hug though not as tight as Danse. “You good?”

“Yeah… Now I am” He replies hushed, rubbing their back “Don’twander off like that again okay? I can’t risk losing you… I love you too much”

Taken aback but overwhelming happy at the confession, Solereplies “You have my word”

“Outstanding”

 Deacon

We all know Deacon. You can’t readthe man for shit. He could be ready to tear out someone’s liver with a rustyspoon and hardly anyone would know. In a lot of situations, this habit is a goodthing, it allows him to stay in character and gather as much Intel as he canfor Des, but when you’re meant to be romantically involved with him it can bemore than tiresome.

Sole tried not to rush him, knowingit was a hit or miss with Deacon after Barbra, and giving him as much time ashe could. But they couldn’t help but grow more and more conscious aboutwhether or not he truly cared for them.

They have already said they lovedhim, many times in fact. But what did Deacon reply with?? ‘Mhmm’ 'Of course youdo’ 'Well who wouldn’t?’ 'Yeah me too’

Many could see how that would makesomeone feel. And eventually, it just got too much for Sole.

'I’m just saying it won’t kill you toat least say you love me back’ Sole huffed

'You really want me to say it?’ Heasks.

'Yes. Yes I do’

Oh boy.

Safe to say Sole got what theywanted… 

That same day, Deacon climbs on topof the centre table, a megaphone in hand.

'Deacon what are you doing?’Desdemona asks, already done with whatever antics he has in store, Sole lookingover to him from another table.

'Attention everyone!’ He exclaimsinto the speaker, everyone cringing at the feedback. 'I have a very importantannouncement to make' 

'Think you could do it withoutalerting everyone within a 10-mile radius??’ One of the members grumble

'I stand here today because I suck,and I intend to change that fact by proclaiming my undying love for that sexylittle number over there’ he declares, pointing directly at Sole who buriestheir face into their hands. 

'I love them so much it makes memushy inside, and there’s no one I’d rather almost be mauled by a bunch ofghouls with’ He declares proudly 'And if anyone fucks with them they better beprepared for a world of hurt, thank you that is all' 

He jumps down, sauntering over toSole with a shit-eating grin spread across his face.

Sole lowers their hands and stares upat Deacon who has their arms outstretched for a hug which they obliged, almostbeing suffocated by the embrace he gives “I can’t believe you" 

"You know you love me” Hereplies, Sole can practically hear the smirk on his face

“Who couldn’t”

Hancock

Leave it to Hancock to say it during sex.

What more do you expect from the man?

However, what Sole didn’t expect was his outright denial ofit. They tried their best to make him admit it but he just continued to defendhis case. It was amusing at first, seeing the normally calm and confident manbecome flustered and unable to take control of the situation.

But eventually, it just became degrading to Sole, theseemingly innocent argument becoming more and more heated as time continued.

“Look I know you said it, its nothing to be embarrassedabout, can’t you just admit it, John?” Sole interrogated while he stumbled aroundhis room looking for his clothes.

He replies in a stern gruffness “I don’t wanna talk about itsunshine, just drop it”

“But-“

“Look I just said drop it” He interrupts, walking out of theroom and slamming the door behind him, throwing the room into silence. Solestares at the door for a moment before laying back down on the bed, theirvision gradually becoming blurry and their breath turning into ragged wheezesas they try not to cry.

They don’t know how long they were there for, unbothered tomove from the bed and just rethinking over what had happened. They were so lostin thought they hadn’t even noticed Hancock stepping inside the room, it wasonly when he sat on the opposite side of the bed that they had noticed he wasthere.

“I’m sorry” He murmurs quietly “I dunno why I acted likethat… I guess I just didn’t want to admit I said something like that”

“So you didn’t want to say it?” Sole replies quietly

Hancock is quick to respond “That’s not what I meant,” he sayshurriedly “I mean I didn’t wanna say it during… y'know. I wanted to say it at amore meaningful time… Like during a nice dinner or some sort of sappy ass timealone when I’m not off my face or some shit”

Sole turns over “Are you off your face now?” They askquietly, getting a wicked smirk from Hancock as a response.

He leans down and presses his lips against theirs “I love you”He hums, “I love you so damn much”

MacCready

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. That was the only way MacCreadycould describe what he saw, watching his son running around and finally be ableto act like a child instead of being bedridden and unlikely to survive.

That with the addition of Sole running around with him,giving Duncan piggybacks and tickle attacks, the sweet sweet melody of hearinghis sons’ laughter after so long making his heart almost explode out of hischest.

“Anyone want drinks?” He calls out to them, Duncanenthusiastically replying with a shrill ‘Yes!’ and Sole giving a nod his way.With a smile he wanders back inside their home, looking out the window while grabbinga few bottles of Nuka-Cola. He jumps momentarily once he hears a loud thump but soon comes to his senses while the all too familiar sound of Duncans cryingfills his ears.

He hurries outside and looks to the source of the crying,seeing Sole with Duncan in their lap, holding his hand and rocking gently,giving him gentle consolidations. “Hey, it’s alright” they whisper “Want me tokiss it better?”

Duncan nods and holds out his hand, to which Sole covers insmall kisses, guiding them up his chubby little arm before planting one on hisforehead, earning a giggle from the small boy.

MacCready walks over and sits by them, handing Duncan a juicebox which he greedily slurps up, an arm wrapping around Sole and pulling themclose. “God I love you” he whispers, kissing their cheek.

Nick

“Ellie, would you just drop it?”

“Come on Nick you needa stop being so afraid about it”

“Now, now who said I’m afraid?”

“Nick,” Ellie says doubtfully, staring at the synthetic manwho sits at the desk of the agency.

He sighs, resting his head on his damaged hand, the otherdragging a cigarette to his mouth. “I just don’t wanna risk scaring the kid offis all” He sighs out, a cloud of smoke trailing out.

“Oh come on Nick, stop selling yourself short” Ellie whines,slumping over in a chair “You know you won’t do that”

“Lately it feels like I don’t know anything at all” Nickadmits, leaning back

Ellie lets out a gentle chuckle “They really do that to youhuh?”

“Seems that way…”

“The more you put it off the worse its gonna be to actuallydo”

“Well look at you being the teacher for once”

“Come on Nick…”

“Look” He begins, standing from his desk “I’m not afraid toadmit it, I love sole, and I wanna tell them but…”

Ellie edges him on “But?”

Nick sighs “… I’m scared. I so desperately want to tell thembut whenever I see em I just freeze up and I wonder if I really deserve to lovethem… Happy?”

“Well I mean I am, I’m not sure about her though” Ellie humsout, earning a confused look from Nick and nodding her head behind him.

Turning around; his entire body almost gives way as Solesteps out from behind a filing cabinet.

“Have fun you two” Ellie sings out whilst walking out of theagency door, leaving the two alone.

It’s silent for a moment. The awkward tension being so thickyou could cut it with a knife.

“I guess it can’t be helped now” Nick musters out

Sole chuckles lightly, moving to sit at his desk, gesturinghim to sit at the opposite chair, which he does. “Why don’t you start at thebeginning?”

Piper

Writing is and always will be Pipers method of letting off steam,to her it seems the only way she can truly express what she’s feeling is bywriting it all out. Angry about some close-minded resident who keeps giving herattitude? Write a detailed story of throwing them off a tall building. Upsetover Takahashi’s noodle stand to have to be closed after a malfunction? Reachinto your inner 13-year-old and write an angst-filled poem reminiscing aboutthe good days and just how doomed we all are… It was just second nature to herat this point.

The only problem with being a reporter in Piper’s eyes wasn’tthe public opinions clashing your own, or the death threats, to her the worstthing about it was with her being thevoice of the people, it was always her talking, and talking and talking. Shewas the person people went to advice too. She was the person who gave theadvice. So when shes lost on her own ambition and feelings, who was she to turnto for guidance??

In rare times like this when not even writing could helpher she’d go on long walks around the commonwealth, coming back at randomtimes no one could predict.

Sole has done odd jobs for Nat before whenever Piper left,most of it is to publish and print off whatever papers Piper had yet tofinish.

They logged on like many times before, scrolling throughwhatever articles and  touching them upwherever necessary, and like every time before reading through the ‘PublickPerspectives’ submissions. It was basically the only thing that everyone inDiamond city collectively read and enjoyed, for the most part, an entire groupof residents dedicated on theorising who asked what.

A few were obvious, a few took time to consider before comingto a rational conclusion, until Sole reached the final submission.

“Dear Publick

“I’ve been dating this person for a while now and things havebeen amazing so far, they make me happy beyond belief and I really see myselfwith them in the future but… I just can’t open up to them. I can’t evencompliment them without becoming a nervous wreck, and you can forget aboutsaying those three big words… And I’m worried my hesitation will drive them offfaster than you can say ‘noodles’. Advice?

-        Blues Clues”

Sole pondered for a moment before everything clicked inplace in perfect harmony. Taking place at the terminal, their fingers flewacross the keyboard, their heart racing at the same speed.

“Dear Blues

Take your chances before they walk away, regardless if theylike you back or not you deserve it to yourself to unleash your feelings. Ifind myself in a similar situation, the girl I’m with just won’t open herself upto me and I sometimes feel guilty about it. As much as id love to pin heragainst the wall and proclaim my absolute adoration to her, I guess writingthis will have to do”

Surely she’ll pick up a copy of the paper soon.

Preston

Preston is a bub.

A sweetheart.

A dumpling.

A little ray of sunshine.

And a goddamn gentleman.

Almost as soon as he and Sole started being a thing he wantedto say he loved them, and ever since he first said it you cannot stop the manfrom saying it every day. Whenever they wake up, just as they fall asleep, anddear god the amount of times hed say it during sex is adorably ridiculous. Thoughit wasn’t always like this, he was terrified of first saying it to Sole in fearthey would think he’s rushing the relationship, though he so desperately wantedto say it.

The first time he let it slip through was surely a time toremember, and not exactly the way he pictured it.

It was a night like any other, Preston doing his usual roundsaround Sanctuary, and Sole resting on the couch in the Home Plate. It doesn’ttake long before their eyes close, their mind still awake and aware but theirentire body sluggish and heavy. They hear the front door of the house open,closing gently a few moments later with a pair of feet stepping over to standin front of them. No doubt Preston.

A blanket is thrown over them, Sole flinching lightly whentheir hair is pushed from their face, Preston’s thumb gently rubbing againsttheir cheek. “I love you” he whispered.

There was no mistaking it.

After hearing that Sole eyes burst open, making Preston jumpback lightly before hurrying down the hallway to the bathroom, closing the doorbehind him with Sole hot on his trails.

It took a while to get him to come out of the bathroom, andsince then after a lot of encouragement from Sole, he never forgets to tellthem every day.

[ichigopanhpff]

BNHA Fic: Blink! Ch. 24

Read Ch. 23 | Masterlist

Hope everyone had a good holiday season and a great New Year! The next few chapters will be posted sporadically. I need to concentrate on finding a new job the next few months.

As fun as it is to write “Blink!”, I’ve been finding the lack of motivation to post since it’s not getting much reads. This was to be expected considering it’s not a reader insert and it takes place in S4.

The grandiose ball room was brightly lit with a crystal chandelier at the center, with decorative sconces symmetrically placed on every wall that wasn’t a full on window with breathtaking views of the Tokyo nightscape. Waiters dressed in white jackets and black vests served glasses of champagne, cocktail and hors d'oeuvres to the self-important adults chatting away incessantly with some top tier heroes and other ambassadors. A live 3-piece jazz band could be heard playing to give the party some ambiance. Ren spotted her mom talking with Aizawa and two other unknown faces.

“I guess I should go say hi,” Ren sighed. “Let’s meet back at this spot in an hour, then we dip. I really want that ramen.”

“It’s a plan.” Seri gave her a thumbs up and all the luck, watching her friend walk off.

“Kubo-senpai...” Todoroki softly called. “About what we were talking about before...”

She looked up at the red and white haired boy, her gaze falling more on the cautious side.

“While it’s true I need to sort out how I feel about Ren-senpai, please know I intend to be honest and the last thing I want to do is hurt her in any way. And… I really do care about her. It’s not much, but that’s the most reassurance I can give you at this time.”

Seri softened her expression at Todoroki and sighed, closing her eyes in understanding. “You two really are alike. She’s doing the same with you.”

“Is… she?”

Seri watched Ren’s side profile in the group of adults, looking attentive to their conversation. “So, does she know your story?”

“The timing was never there,” Todoroki said. “But I get the feeling she knows some parts already based on what I could tell her.”

“It should come from you, not from her assumptions.”

“Seri. There you are,” a man’s deep voice called, making her let out a soft, tired breath from her lips.

“The shackles are here in the form of my father,” the owl-faced girl lamented. “See you in an hour, Todoroki-kun.”

And then there was one.

Casually walking around, he grabbed an hors d'oeuvre from a moving platter and took a small bite, immediately grimacing at the sudden taste of freezer burn. Quickly finding a napkin, he vacated the vile item from his mouth onto it and balled it up in his fist. He now understood why both his upperclassmen were looking forward to ramen. Looking around the room, he recognized a few heroes, even though they weren’t in costume.

Was this what being a pro hero is?

Rubbing elbows with powerful people who do nothing but desk work and mindless chatter?

No wonder his father didn’t like coming to these events.

Having other important government people and heroes approach him in the span of half an hour, he politely excused himself and made his way out to the restroom to center himself.

He is representing Endeavor, the number one hero of Japan, after all; he’ll have to be at these events again when he’s older. As annoyed as he was to be here, at least he’s able to get some form of experience from this. Plus, the company helped.

After a series of extremely mind-numbing adult conversations about the current state of government policies on heroes and such, Ren was able to recuse herself to get some air. The moment the door gently slammed shut, she walked a few steps and let out a huge breath while taking off her draped blazer and slid down the wall.

Were she to do this for another second, she’d literally suffocate. She was mentally reminding herself she’s doing this for the ramen

 And it was damn well worth it.

“Senpai?”

She looked up to see Todoroki.

“Are you okay?”

“Just taking a breather.” She patted the carpeted floor to get him to sit next to her, to which he did. “How are you doing?”

“The food is horrible and these shoes pinch my toes,” the bi-colored haired boy groaned out.

“Tell me about it.” She lifted her right foot up to show her 3-inch pumps.

The two chuckled listlessly and sighed, letting the serene silence sit. The two closed their eyes.

“Ren-senpai?” “Hm?”

“If you’re not too tired tonight, do you have some time… to talk?”

Ren slowly opened her eyes to turn her head to Todoroki, who still has his closed.

“Um… sure.”

A short beat soon after, he slowly stood back up and patted his backside off from any possible dirt from the carpet.

“I guess we should head back in.”

“Do we have to?” she whined and slowly made moves to stand. The duo-quirk wielding boy held his hand out for her to grab for support, to which she accepted.

“Unfortunately, yes. They’ll notice we’re missing.”

Standing back up with a short grunt and feeling the pressure on the balls of her feet, she dusted herself off before thanking him. As they turned to go back in, a deep voice called out to Ren.

“Shit...” she mumbled out and furrowed her brows with drooped shoulders before turning to meet three tall and sharply dressed boys who looked older than her.

“You know them?”

“That’s… one way of putting it.”

“Thought that fine ass was you, Takahiro,” the boy with messy black hair and glasses arrogantly belted out and looked her up and down with lecherous desire. “Damn, you filled out nicely.”

“And hello to you too, Edogawa,” the pink haired girl greeted in a terse, monotone voice.

Behind him stood two more boys; one was tall and boxy with his brown hair done up in a pompadour, the other a slender build with his blue hair in a swooping quiff. They were all wearing expensively tailored black suits with their own accessories. “Goto, Hattori. You two look well.”

Hate is often a very strong word she would never use other than on Chisaki Kai; but she hated these three boys with a passion.

Edogawa Ken. Goto Daiki. Hattori Kyosuke. The sons of three high-ranking embassy officials. Having been childhood friends, they were thick as thieves by the time they could walk, talk and quirk. Some would say they were the male counterparts of her, Seri and Tomoe; only difference was they were extremely rich assholes.

Todoroki was quick to catch on as to who they were: The Preppy Posse.

“Heard you got into U.A., Takahiro,” Hattori remarked with a snobbish tone. “Tryin’ to be a hero with that weak ass quirk of yours?”

“She’s already one,” Todoroki stepped in to defend her honor. “She has her provisional license.”

“Oh, my apologies then, Miss Taka-hero,” the blue-haired boy mocked with a bow and chuckled at his own pun.

“Wow, they really give that shit out to anyone nowadays,” Goto sneered and crossed his arms. “The pro heroes must be desperate since All-Might retired, huh.”

Ren quickly gripped Todoroki’s forearm as he tried to lunge at them. He quickly turned to look at her lightly shaking her head, reminding him to not engage.

“You… Two-tone boy.” Edogawa took three steps toward him, analyzing his face. He put his hand up to cover up his right side and focused on his left only.

“Holy shit,” he chuckled out in disbelief and took two steps back. “You’re Endeavor’s kid.”

“And if I am?” His voice was deep and rough through gritted teeth. The gentle hetero-chromatic eyes Ren was used to seeing were now intensely harsh and cold, glaring at the ring leader.

“Bro, no disrespect.” The black-haired boy held his hands up in neutral. “Just an honor to meet the son of the number one hero, is all. No need for the fire, my dude.”

He held his hand out to shake as a friendly gesture, only to come up empty from the dual-quirk wielding boy.

“If you have no more business with us,” Ren quickly stepped in to diffuse the situation, keeping up with the curt act. “We really should be getting back to the party.”

As she spun and grabbed Todoroki by his wrist to make their escape, Akahiro immediately stretched his arm and grabbed her waist, yanking her away from the bi-colored haired boy. She forgot his quirk was Nobi Nobi* and inwardly cursed at herself for it.

This was going to be troublesome.

“Ah-ah,” the messy jet-black haired boy tutted with a menacing grin on his thin lips. “Actually, we have business with you. Personal. Business.”

He leaned in close enough to Ren to shy away to gain what little personal space she could get, catching a whiff of her sweet perfume.

“Ooh hoo, you even smell nice,” he growled out and flashed a toothy grin at her.

He hungrily licked his lips as his free hand stretched around and caressed her backside, forcing her closer to his body and felt something halfway hard press against her thigh. Todoroki was seething with rage.

“Let go of her!” he growled out and summoned ice in his right palm.

“Todoroki, stop,” Ren commanded. “Just stay calm.”

She made solid eye contact with him, mentally projecting him to trust her.

“Yeah, Todoroki. You should listen to her,” the boy jeered with venomous elation. “We’re in the Embassy building at the heart of Tokyo. You let your quirk loose here, your hero career will end faster than you can apologize. Not even your dear ol’ dad can help you out.”

Clicking his tongue in anger, his logical side kicking in to assess the situation, released the ice in his hand.

“What a good boy you are,” Edogawa commended in a vindictive manner before turning back to Ren, leering at her through half-lidded hungry eyes. His gaze then went further down and leered at her breasts, imagining all the things he was going to do with them.

He tilted her chin up at him and spoke softly in his deep voice. “Now, if you don’t want your mom to get in trouble with, say, having your asylum status revoked, you’ll be a good little kitten and come with us.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” she arrogantly stated with a matching smirk.

“Oh?” His interest was peaked. “And what makes you so sure?”

She leaned in and whispered, “Because I know about ‘Remedy.’”

The boy’s grin immediately dropped to a scowl. The hand wrapped around her back slipped to the front and roughly slammed her onto a nearby wall by her neck, knocking the wind out of her lungs and grunted.

“Senpai!” Todoroki exclaimed. As he made moves toward her, Goto and Hattori stood in between.

“Not so fast, lover boy,” Hattori tutted.

“You fucking bitch,” he growled out with dark, angry eyes. “How the fuck you find out ‘bout that?”

“Oh, I have my sources,” she laughed wryly through strained breath. Her rebellious hazel-green eyes didn’t leave his and saw panic flicker in his irises for a second. “You’ll let me go right now if you don’t want it leaked by accident at, say, an important event where mommy and daddy are at tonight.”

Growling with dissatisfaction at the fact this nobody damaged his pride, Edogawa crudely released his grip.

“We’re leaving,” the boy hastily barked. “They’re a waste of our time.”

Edogawa stomped off angrily, with Goto and Hattori following not too far behind. Todoroki immediately ran up and held onto her for support as she placed a hand on her chest and gasped out loud, lightly wretch coughing.

“That was reckless,” he scolded. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine…” she wheezed out and rubbed her neck. “Guys like that… You gotta use your brain rather than your quirk to beat ‘em.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I know something that’ll get him into a lot of trouble. Call it insurance.”

“Senpai… I’m glad you’re on our side,” he blurted out. “You’d be a pain to deal with as a villain.”

“I almost get choked out and that’s what you say?”

Ren could only chuckle as Todoroki huffed a sigh of relief from his lips and slowly drew her into a one armed hug. Her limbs stiffened up at his touch, stunned by his action.

“I couldn’t do anything to help...” he spoke into her shoulder, feeling his hot breath cascade down her arm. “I’m sorry...”

“But you did.” Ren relaxed and reached her right hand up to pet the back of his head, consoling him. “You trusted me.”

Before they could continue with their conversation, they were interrupted with someone clearing their throat. The two turned to see Seri staring intently at them with her yellow and black owl-like eyes with her hands on her hips. She was clearly unamused.

“This isn’t a love hotel, you know,” she flatly pointed out. Realizing how close they were to each other, Todoroki suddenly released her and looked away shyly, remembering their talk earlier. The owl-faced girl then noticed the now formed bruise on her right forearm and red marks around her neck.

“I-I’m gonna use the toilet real quick,” the pink haired girl muttered and sped walked into the bathroom.

“Todoroki...” Seri spoke in a growing dark voice. “What did you do?”

He inwardly panicked as her eyes started glowing and felt his body going numb.

“It’s not what you think,” he calmly explained. “The posse approached us.”

The girl immediately stopped and asked him to explain while Ren was fixing herself up to look presentable again.

“Those bastards...” she angrily hissed out as their friend emerged from the lavatory. “Ren, let’s go fuck ‘em up.”

“We don’t need to,” she calmly replied and went to pick her blazer up off of the floor to dust it off before draping it back on her shoulders. “I got collateral on one of them.”

“What kind?”

“I think I heard her say something called ‘Remedy’?” Todoroki spoke up.

Her eyes grew went wide when Ren’s train of thought quickly hit Seri.

“I hope you took extra precautions, you idiot,” her snow owl friend scolded.

“Of course I did,” Ren defensively huffed out as a matter of factly. “Who do you take me for?”

“I’m sorry.” The red and white haired boy interjected in confusion. “What are you two talking about?”

“Ren-Ren used the Dark Net to obtain her information,” Seri revealed and crossed her arms. The boy quickly glanced over at his upperclassman in shock. “Talk about high risk.”

“It was a calculated risk and it paid off,” she briskly corrected. “Would you rather have me end up being their plaything and calling ‘em ‘master’? I sure as hell don’t.”

“So what is ‘Remedy’ exactly?” Todoroki asked. “And why was Edogawa so scared by it?”

“Our lovely stretchy worm has been secretly investing in overseas quirk-boosters and playing the black market,” Ren explained in a hushed voice. “And here’s the kicker: the money’s partially from his inheritance to which he laundered through ill-gotten gains in other drugs and firearms. I’d say the only smart thing he did was doing it through an alias, but little did he realize the money trail he poorly covered up.”

“So why can’t we report him now and have him arrested?”

“Diplomatic immunity. That’s why,” Seri bitterly spat out and crossed her arms. “We need substantial physical evidence to catch him.”

“Gotta love government loopholes,” Ren irritably lamented and sighed. “You’ll learn quickly not everything’s black and white in their eyes, Todo-kun. As much as heroes think they’re in the right in dealing with villains and doing a service to law-abiding citizens, there are situations that call for dirtier tactics to justify the means. I’m sure Uncle All-Might and even your dad’s got stories to tell you about.”

“And this is the stuff school tries to shelter us from to prevent cynicism from spreading in the budding hero community,” the owl-girl mentioned. “It was inevitable for us due to our upbringing.”

“So why tell me about this?” the bi-coloured haired boy finally asked.

“Because you’re capable,” they both said in unison.

“You’re the type who calmly analyzes a situation in order to decide the best course of action,” Ren praised. “Like you did before with the posse.”

“And you’re well aware of your status so you don’t act brashly,” Seri added.

“You speak too highly of me.”

“You have two of your senpais acknowledging your intelligence, Todoroki-kun,” the snow owl girl firmly stated with a small smile. “Now’s not the time to be humble.”

“Anyway, we should head back in,” Ren finalized. “I’m sure our respective parents would’ve noticed we’re gone by now.”

“Hurray,” Seri unceremoniously cheered and rolled her eyes.

The boy stood by himself for a moment to collect himself from their words of encouragement, watching the two girls walk back to the ballroom entrance. Ren stopped in her steps and turned back to him.

“You coming?”

Rejoining the group, the three re-entered the ballroom without fanfare.

“Ren! There you are,” her mom called and walked up to her daughter, noticing the marks on her neck. “What happened there?”

“Huh? Oh! I think I may be allergic to the perfume I’m wearing,” she quickly fibbed. “Couldn’t stop scratching.”

“Be sure to get that checked out tomorrow okay?”

“’Course mom.”

“Seri,” Ren’s mom warmly greeted and drew the girl into a hug. “You doing well in U.A.?”

“Of course, Aunt Victoria,” the owl girl responded with a small smile after releasing. “Who else will keep Ren-Ren out of trouble?”

“I’m actually offended you see me as a problem child,” Ren feigned betrayal by splaying her right hand over her chest and fluttered her eyelashes.

“Oh and who may you be?” Victoria turned to Todoroki and asked. “I didn’t see you on the video call last time.”

“I’m Todoroki Shouto, ma’am,” he politely introduced himself with a light bow. “I’m here in representation of my father Endeavor tonight as he’s still recovering from his injuries. Very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Takahiro.”

“No need to be so formal, Shouto-kun,” Ren’s mom disregarded with a wave of her hand. “Victoria’s just fine.”

“T-Then I will greet you as you wish.”

“How is your father by the way? The injuries he sustained looked pretty serious,” she asked with genuine care in her tone. “I do hope he’s not pushing himself too hard.”

“Thank you for your kind words, but my father will be fine,” he reassured in an almost robotic manner. “He’s gone through worse scrapes.”

“While that’s true, I still do worry about all the pros out there...” The elder Takahiro trailed off and looked at her daughter. “You all put your lives on the line everyday and anything can happen that’ll turn a minor situation into a major one.”

“It’s an occupational hazard, mom,” Ren stated and rolled her eyes. “We’ve talked about this before.”

“I know but I still worry,” Victoria firmly stated and drew her kid by her waist to hug her.

All her daughter could do is sigh, knowing anything she’d say wouldn’t quell her doubts. As conversations continued, Ren noticed something amiss from her peripheral. Hattori came in stumbling about like he drank too much whisky; he was sweating profusely and tugged at his tie to get air, his eyes bloodshot. She quickly scanned the room and the other two were no where to be found. To prevent making a scene, Ren excused herself and stealthily approached him from the side.

“Hattori,” she called softly to catch his attention. “You okay there?”

All he could hear was gagging and she looked down to see his form hunched over and foaming at the mouth. She pulled his collar down to see a reddened puncture wound at his jugular and pulled him up to support his heavy frame.

“What did you take?” she whispered. “Get it together, man.”

“I-It’s a-a-all your fa-fault, Taka...hiro,” he stuttered out and slowly turned to meet her shocked expression. His eyes started gradually glowed red and charged up.

Oh shit.

She pushed him away in time as his eyes shot out lasers that hit the hangar loop of the chandelier. The decorative centerpiece snapped and made its way down, drawing party goers to run for cover as it crashed down with scattered crystals flying across the marble floor.

“This… is your doing, Takahiro!” Hattori huffed out and stared at her with glowing red eyes and shot at her again, not caring about the patrons around. The moment she dodged, Todoroki quickly created an ice wall in between the startled guests to absorb the laser attack. The slender boy roughly gripped his now messy blue hair and screamed, peeking the tip of his now blackened tongue.

She tapped her bangles to transform into T-clubs on instinct.

Seri immediately jumped to her left side and asked, “Hattori, is he...”

“He’s boosted,” she huffed out, watching the boy’s form wreath in pain and clawed at his chest.

“Leave this to us,” Aizawa came up from behind them and prepared his Capture Device. “Help with the evacuations.”

“He’s after me,” Ren stated. “I should take respon–”

“That doesn’t mean you ignore your other duties as a hero,” the ebony haired man firmly lectured and walked past her to shield the three U.A. students. “We’re the pros here, not you.”

Before the pink haired girl could even move, Hattori charged at full speed toward her, only to be intercepted by one of Fourth Kind’s brutish strength from two of his four arms.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere, young’un,” the four-armed hero gruffly spoke and rebounded his body back.

“Be careful of his quirk,” Ren warned. “His ability is to absorb attacks and recoil it in the form of kinetic energy through his eyes.”

“You kids and your troublesome quirks,” Aizawa blurted out and clicked his tongue. “Thanks for the intel. Now go.”

Ren knew they could handle it and gritted her teeth. Both Seri’s and Todoroki’s voices brought her back as they ran to assist Gang Orca and Kamui Woods with clearing the building before it went on lockdown. Within the maelstrom of panicked party goers, Ren found the back of her mom’s head.

She was safe.

One less thing to worry about.

Moments later, they were all out in the main driveway of the embassy building, all looking up in hopes of seeing what’s going on. Ren could only wait with baited breath and scanned the growing crowd for two certain boys.

“Ren,” Seri called with a hushed voice by her side. “Goto. Four o’clock.”

God bless Seri’s owl quirk. The pink haired girl gingerly moved backwards to not attract attention and immediately teleported behind the person of interest. He let out a light gasp upon feeling her locking his left wrist.

“Move and I snap it,” Ren spoke in the shell of his ear in a low voice. “You will answer my questions in the form of head nods. We clear?”

Goto swallowed thickly and nodded, with beads of perspiration rolling down his temple.

“Is there a booster in Hattori’s system?”

Goto nodded once.

“Did he inject it in himself?”

The stocky boy shook his head furiously.

“Is Edogawa still here?”

He hesitated to answer and saw his shoulders visibly shake.

“Is Edogawa responsible for this?”

The brown haired boy bit his lower lip and clenched his free hand into a fist, fighting crocodile tears. They were both his friends. He couldn’t possibly out them! A sudden thought crossed her mind: Could Hattori be involved with Remedy and this was a fallout situation?

“Goto, you need to tell me now,” Ren’s growled out. Her patience was running very thin. “The longer you hesitate, the more danger Hattori’s life will be in; he can die.”

The boy finally conceded and choked out, “After we left you, Ken… checked something on his phone. He was pissed about something he read and popped some kinda pills before getting into it with Kyo,” Goto whimpered. “Said something about being snitched on.”

“So he thought Hattori betrayed him.”

“Kyo didn’t know what he was talking about and next thing we knew, Ken...” He stifled his words and softly dry sobbed. “I’ve never seen him this angry before. The drugs he’s been taking’s been making him more paranoid than usual.”

“Do you know the booster dosage that’s in Hattori’s system?”

Goto furiously shook his head no.

“L-Look,” he stammered out. “I-I’m sorry for all the shit we said about you, but please...” The boy desperately pleaded. “Save Kyo. Because I can’t. Not with my quirk.”

Goto Daiki’s quirk is Machina, where he can communicate with and fix anything machine-based. As much as he hated it, it’s been proven useful in becoming the go-to I.T. person in his circle of friends and family, albeit annoying and tiresome. However, he can only activate this only if there’s something wrong with its functions and can’t hack.

Releasing his wrist, Ren said nothing more and zipped away from him to regroup with Seri and Todoroki. She didn’t like the boy, but you can’t fake that kind of desolation.

“Did you get anything out of Goto?” Seri hurriedly asked.

“Hattori and Edogawa had a fallout. Stabbed a booster in him, so we’re on borrowed time,” Ren summarized.

The penthouse windows immediately shattered, raining glass down below. Todoroki summoned a giant iceberg to shield the people from being hurt as they ran further away from the entrance. They saw a small dot jump out with the debris; it was Hattori.

“How are you at using your flames, Todo-kun?” Ren quickly asked.

“Not good enough to propel us mid-air to catch him.”

“But you can get into air?” Seri chimed in.

“Halfway.”

“Good enough. Let’s go.”

“Seri! You will stay here,” a booming voice rang out. The three turned to see a tall, portly man glowering down at them. It was her father.

“I don’t care what you think of my choices, father, but there’s a life that needs saving right now,” the owl-faced girl angrily snapped. “I need to be a hero.”

“Where you need to be right now is safe and away from harm,” he firmly demanded.

“Mr. Kubo, with all due respect, I need Seri,” Ren cut in. “Time’s of the essence and she’s essential to our plan.”

“Ren, let’s go,” Seri dismissed her father’s request and sped walked away to Todoroki’s side. “He’s too stubborn to understand.”

Her pink-haired friend stood stationary for a beat, facing her friend’s dad.

“Ren?” she called.

“She’s not as weak or fragile as you think she is, Mr. Kubo,” she softly spoke within an earshot, firmly meeting the man’s aged brown eyes with determination. “Watch her.”

Seri’s heart swelled with pride and purpose hearing her best friend’s praise. Rejoining the group, they made their way to the curved frozen structure the two-tone hair colored by created before. The two grabbed onto Ren’s shoulders and teleported them halfway up the ice.

The grayish white-haired girl closed her eyes and took a breath, spreading her arms out as they transformed into white spotted owl wings; her hands morphed into sharp, black talons. Reopening her yellow tinted eyes, they were focused and ready to go.

“That never gets boring to watch,” Ren gushed with a smirk. “Let’s go, Hedwig.”

“The name’s Athena, zippy,” she blurted out and flapped her wings a few times to prepare for take off. “So what’s the plan here?”

“Todo-kun’ll use his ice to restrain his movements and eyes while I try to knock him out cold. Your job’s to bring him down safely,” Ren briefed and tapped her bangles to transform them into T-clubs again.

“How will you get down?” she asked with concern.

“I’ll figure something out. He’ll be with me.”

Seri took a running start and flew up at an incredible speed, causing blow back from her wings. Ren shivered slightly only to feel something warm immediately envelop her.

“Your lag will get bad if you’re too cold right?” Todoroki held his flame engulfed left hand out to her. Ren hastily rubbed her hands and hovered over it.

“I’m good now, thanks.”

“Hold on tight,” he instructed as he turned his hand back. She gripped onto his torso, with his right arm snaked around hers. “I can’t do it like Bakugou or my old man, but I’m gonna try.”

Torquing his fire to near maximum output, Ren and Todoroki blasted up into the air at an awkward angle and neared Seri’s flying form. As planned, he cut his fire as Ren zipped across the sky like a zig-zagging shooting star to get close to Hattori’s falling figure. The dual-quirk user immediately gripped his shirt and encased his body in ice and let out a white breath from his lips. Ren released her grip and struck the laser eye boy at the base of his neck, knocking him unconscious. Seri then swooped on by and caught him with her back with a soft grunt before making her way down to the ground.

The spectators screamed as they watched Ren and Todoroki free fall at an alarming speed. The two strained to grab each other’s hands before succeeding seconds later. Unable to see where she could teleport them to safety due to the blistering cold G-force winds blinding her, the dual-haired colored boy angled his right hand down and conjured ice from his palms, creating a makeshift bumpy slide. They roughly landed on the slippery surface and descended at an alarming velocity. The boy then created an ice cushion at the bottom and grabbed Ren to shield her with his body from the collision. They hit the ice wall with a thud and knocked the wind out of his lungs.

The two heavily panted and felt their hearts pound out of their chest from the adrenaline; their hair a disheveled mess from the wind and fall.

“You okay?” Ren finally spoke between breaths.

“Yes...” Todoroki swallowed hard and gulped up air, releasing a large white breath from his lips. Parts of his arms and face had remnants of ice lingering. “You should plan better next time.”

“Noted.”

They gingerly got off of the ice and back up on their feet to make their way to Seri, who was with an unconscious Hattori by her side. Todoroki walked up to him and shielded his eyes with ice in case he woke up and went berserk again. Moments later, Aizawa and Fourth Kind emerged from the crowd to take care of the rest with the now arrived authorities. Goto could be seen with his parents and talking to detectives. Todoroki melted the ice he used to restrain Hattori before he was slapped with a pair of cuffs and goggles on the gurney before tending to the other structures he made. Edogawa was still no where to be found.

“Ren!” her mom cried and ran at her to tightly embrace her daughter. “Are you hurt anywhere?!”

She released and looked at her mom with a small smile of reassurance. “I’m fine. Todo-kun used his ice to cushion our fall.”

“Never scare me like that again, you hear me?!” Tears were flowing freely from her aged green eyes and drew her back into a tight hug before making her way to the bi-coloured haired boy.

“Todoroki-kun, thank you.” She firmly gripped both his hands into hers. “You were brilliant.”

He shyly looked down with a matching blush and softly smiled.

“It was Ren-senpai who came up with the plan–”

“But you saved her,” Victoria added. “Knowing my daughter, I’m sure she didn’t think that far ahead.”

“Wow, you guys are just on it with the insults tonight,” Ren blurted out with exasperation and crossed her arms.

Their celebration was short lived and sensed something launching in their general direction. Ren immediately tackled her mom to the ground to shield her. Todoroki ducked below and was on high alert. The police and other pro heroes jumped out and aimed their weapons at the hidden assailant.

“You… You fucking told them didn’t you?!” a hoarse voice shouted from the shadows and out emerged a disheveled looking Edogawa. His hair was a mess and his once neatly tied tie disappeared. The boy obsessively clawed at his own throat and smiled manically.

“You bitch, you did this...” he muttered out and dryly laughed to himself. “You’ve ruined me!”

“Stand down, Edogawa,” Aizawa told him and prepared his device in his hands. “You’re surrounded by cops and heroes. There’s no where for you to run.”

“Oh, that’s where you got things wrong, hero,” he tittered out in frenzy.

The boy took out a vile of black substance from his jacket pocket and aimed to stab it into his neck. Ren teleported over just in time to hold his wrist back by force and twisted it far enough for him to loose his grip on the booster. Aizawa timed her moments perfectly and used his quirk to disable the boy from using his.

“Whatever’s happened, it’s not worth your life.” Ren tightened her grip on his wrist, her eyes focused only on his bloodshot ones. “Not like this.”

Edogawa could do nothing but whimper and collapse on his knees, completely breaking down. As the authorities closed in on him, she held out a hand to stop them in their steps. This wasn’t what he needed right now. She released her grip on his wrist and knelt down beside him. Fourth Kind slowly approached her and placed one of his hands on her shoulder, allowing him to take over.

“He’s… fragile right now,” she softly spoke to the four-armed man. “Take care of him.”

“Friend of yours?”

“Not particularly,” she flatly blurted and took a few steps away. “But he still deserves some kind of sympathy.”

Slowly making her way back to her mom and friends, Ren suddenly got hit with an overwhelming sense of vertigo and staggered. Unable to control her motor functions, she fell into Seri’s feathery arms, who rushed in on time to catch her. Victoria and Todoroki followed not too far behind.

“Ren!” The owl girl gripped her friend tightly. “Did he do something to you?!”

“Think I… “She swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, letting out a light, shaky breath. “I overused… my quirk...”

“My God, woman. You’re more trouble than you’re worth.” Seri let out a sigh of relief and gently set her arm around her shoulders for support.

“But did I die?” she lightly scoffed.

“Part of me thinks you’re only alive for the ramen.”

“Damn right.”

[scenarioslovers]

Stopped loving you>> Seunghoon, You

This was requested by Anon. I hope you like it. 

Word count: 1897

I am not sure why I used this GIF lol! This is an angst scenario don’t be fooled.

“Hoon-ah” You cheered as you threw your arms around Seunghoon, your boyfriend once he opened the door. He just came back from his world tour after three months. The last time you saw him, he was a little bit down because he couldn’t produce new songs. It seems like the world tour motivated him that he came up with two songs and made all the dance move for his group, winner, next comeback. You wanted to congrats him with a little surprise, you also missed him. You barely talked those whole three months.

Seunghoon hugged you back, squeezing you in his arms as he left you from the ground before planting a soft kiss on your forehead and then on your lips. “You didn’t tell me you are coming.” 

You grinned as you hold a gift bag up to him. “I wanted to surprise you. Even though you didn’t tell me, but I asked Mino and he told me when you were coming back.”

“Ah, Mino,” Seunghoon said, smiling awkwardly, almost nervously.

You hugged him tightly adoring how he was getting jealous because you talked to one of his members. “You are really cute.”

You sidestepped him to go into the apartment as you realized you were still standing at the door. Seunghoon suddenly appeared in front of you as he gave you an awkward smile. “You are coming in aren’t you?”

The excited smile you were wearing dissolved into a thin line as fast as the salt dissolves in water. “Yeah? I bought a win to celebrate. I ordered a cake it is coming now. We haven’t seen each other for a while now.” You tried to smile but failed. Your worry could you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head, a small smile painted on his face. “Maybe we can eat the cake outside. I haven’t been around for a while and the apartment is kind of dirty-“

“It is okay. I can clean it for you.”

“No!”

“What’s wrong, Hoon?”

“I don’t want to tire you.”

You jumped into your place when suddenly out of nowhere something inside the apartment crashed. Your heart matched the exact same sound mimicking it. You heard it getting shattered into million pieces.

Seunghoon closed his eyes tightly cursing.

You weren’t thinking when you pushed seunghoon away from the door and marched to the bedroom from where the sound came from. Seunghoon was on your heels following you, but didn’t dare to stop you.

Pushing the door open, a woman in babydoll dress was standing in front of you. Her hands were shaking as she was collecting the pieces of the glass she had a drop. She looked way older than you, with curves that made you bite your lips in envy. She had got everything you don’t have. Now that you think about it, Seunghoon wasn’t wearing that much of clothes himself. And you knew well, that Seunghoon only wears like this when he went to sleep.

“Y/N, let me explain to you.” Seunghoon tried to hold your elbow, but you pulled away disgusted by his touch that was touching another woman.

Completely frozen, you tried hard to look at him without having teary eyes. Actually, you didn’t want to cry. You were too angry too frustrated to cry. You had been waiting for him every day to call you, to text you. You waited for him to come back soon. You missed him too much. You were too happy for his success. You were happy for him, you were excited for him, you always thought about him but he was...

At that moment, the realization hit you. She. She was his new muse. He got enough with you and couldn’t make any more songs but her. She inspired him again to write songs.

You gasped for a breath, trying to regain any of your strength left. “Who is she?”

“Y/N it is not like this,” Seunghoon said, already on his knees.

“Seunghoon!” You snapped, loud and sharp. “Who is she? Why do you have a naked woman in your bedroom?”

“Hey Kid, Don’t talk like this about me. I am older than you.” You shivered as she talked behind you. You heard a lighter snapped behind you, following with cigarette smell that suffocated you. "I am helping, nothing more, nothing else. He needed a muse. Relax."

"Really?" You scoffed, not believing what you heard or what you saw. "Should be proud right? Should be happy? Seunghoon-ah." You turned to him, he looked pale.

He even returned back to smoking. He promised before that he wouldn’t touch it again. He once gave you the cigarette packet and asked you to throw it away from him.

You were so touched that day. You could not stand the cigarette smell, and he was willing to cut it down for you. He even stopped after a few months.

He broke that promise and every promise he made to you.

Turning around, you gave her a loathing look. How much did you wish you could grab her from her hair and teach her a good lesson? Nevertheless, it wasn’t her fault. The one at fault is the one who was driven by her seduction. Or was it him who seduced her? It was still his fault.

“You can share the wine with her.” You hated the quiver in your voice. You hated how your face started to make uncontrollable faces as if you were going to cry. You hated that tear that slid down your check. You walked away before humiliating yourself any more than this.

​Seunghoon stood frozen in his place as you slapped the door behind you. He looked behind him at the woman he had in his room before dropping to the ground and holding onto his hair.

“You are regretting your decisions.” She said as she stood tall beside him. “Should I go home?”

“I am sorry, Noona.” He pulled harder on his hair.

“No, it is okay. But is it really okay not to follow her?” She nodded toward the door. “I thought you were good at this Seunghoon-ah. Flirting, and understanding girls.” She let go of the smoke of her cigarette out of her mouth. “I guess you will not be calling me again.” She stepped over him as she grabbed her clothes from the floor.

“I have to go.” He said as he jumped to his feet, running out of his apartment like a person whose life depended on this.

When he got downstairs, luckily he could see at the end of the street. The rain was socking you. Your head was tilted downwards and your shoulders were shaking. He ran across the street, and stopped many times, trying not to get hit by a car until he reached the other side where you were squatting down on your knees.

Reached for your arm, he pulled you on your feet. You pulled away from him and started to walk again, Seunghoon on your heals.

“Y/N, listen to me.”

You ignored him, shaking your head.

“Listen to me, please. Y/N, I can explain this.”

“Bullshit.” You murmured to yourself.

“Y/N, I have no other choice!” He said, louder this time.

Clenching your fist tightly, you couldn’t take it anymore. Your heart was beating rapidly from anger as you span around and marched toward him. “You had no other choices?!!”

Ashamed, Seunghoon looked down. It was hard to meet your eyes. There was nothing to explain. He was wrong and he knew he was wrong. All he was thinking about that as long as he could write again it would be fine. As long as you didn’t find out, everything would be perfect. He wasn’t even planning to stay with that woman for that long. But he knew all of this was his greed and selfishness. He couldn’t lose you.

“Y/N please, I can lose anything. But not you.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “You lost me, Seunghoon. Did you even love me? Or did you just use me to write your stupid songs?!! Did I turn into an old toy that doesn’t entertain you anymore? Am I your toy?”  

“N-no.” He said, but his voice was too weak. It sounded like he didn’t mean it.

“How could you kiss me when you have a woman in your room, on your bed with no clothes? How could you do this to me?” You pushed him backward, he stumbled a few steps away. “I waited for you! I missed you! I was worried about you. I think about you every day and every night. When I eat and when I sleep. I only think about you Seunghoon and worried about you.. but you…” You gasped. A Heart burning and tears not stopping. “You were having fun with another woman?”

“I am sorry, Y/N. I never meant to hurt you like this. I really love you, I really do.”

“No. you don’t love me.” You shook your head, pointing your index on Seunghoon’s chest. “If this.” Tap. “Things really beats for me.” Another tap. “You wouldn’t have thought about doing this to me.”

“Y/N…”

“You know what? I was really happy this morning. I was so excited to see you, finally.” You sniffed. Your hair stuck on your face because of the rain. You always enjoyed the rain, but today, you wished it wasn’t raining. It made you feel more pathetic somehow. “You destroyed everything I love. You destroyed my happiness.”

You looked up and down at him. He was wearing the same clothes he was wearing upstairs. It seemed like he ran after you to catch you. If only you didn’t stop crying your heart out.

“Go back, Seunghoon.” You nodded at him and his face turned into many colors as he realized what he was wearing in the street. “Stop humiliating yourself and embarrass me anymore. You’re a well-known face, after all.”

Stupid! You called yourself. Still protecting him after what he had done.

“I really loved you. No. I love you Seunghoon.” You confessed, looking down at your feet. “But… I don’t think I can forgive you this time. You really broke my heart.”

He reached to hold your hand. But his hands only brushed into yours as you pulled away. Turning around, you walked as fast as you could. No matter how much you tried to wipe off your tears, the rain kept your face wet. It is not working. Nothing is working. You cried hard, loud enough for everyone in the street to look at you.

Seunghoon’s heartbreak as he watched you go. Every sob you let out felt like a stab in his heart. He remembered a few years ago, before he even joined his group Winner, when you stayed by his side, trying to cheer him up and support him.

He remembered how you always smiled around him. He remembered when you visited him in the dance room, you always jumped into his back and showered his cheeks with kisses.

“I will protect you. I will always love you.”

“I will protect you too.”

He remembered every single promise and every single kiss until he couldn’t feel anything.

He couldn’t feel his love for you anymore, but that pain in his chest will not go away.

He didn’t even remember when he stopped loving you, but the hatred he saw in your eyes will never be forgotten. 

**Thank you for reading