#but i either feel like its not enough or its just not what I should be fucking doing

[puari-vol]

Peer Pressure

CW: Hypnosis

I stood quietly and unobtrusively off in a corner of the ‘slumber party’ trying my best not to bother anyone. Occasionally I glanced over at my friend Kelsey who was talking animatedly with some girls and wondered why she had insisted I come along. Of course I had agreed at the time, it seemed like a good way to make friends. But now that I was here…I couldn’t bring myself to try talking to anyone. I fixed my eyes on the cup of water in my hand. This was all… fine, I was just being Kelsey's designated driver. I was being helpful, like a good friend should be. It didn’t matter if I had fun or not. 

I zoned out enough that when Kelsey tapped me on the shoulder I jumped

“Did you really just stand in the corner this whole time? Geez come on you goof its time for the movie!” 

She took my arm and dragged me toward the TV. Both couches were full so I ended up sitting cross legged on the ground in front of them. Kelsey was about to sit next to me before she was suddenly pulled away to sit with some other girls, so now I was just sitting next to two strangers. They didn't seem to mind me, but they didn't introduce themselves either.

The lights go off and the movie starts, the chatter dies down as everybody watches. It seemed like there was something wrong with the audio, there was an odd droning sound playing under the movie. But it wasn’t loud enough to be annoying and nobody else seemed to notice so I kept quiet. The movie was honestly kinda boring, I glanced around and accidentally made eye contact with someone doing the same thing. I felt myself blush and turned back to pay attention. The movie kept going and after a while I started to space out. I was so out of it that when something changed it took me a while to notice. The movie wasn’t playing anymore, or maybe…this was part of the movie? The screen just showed a pink and purple spiral spinning around and around. The droning had gotten louder. How long had the spiral been on the screen? I couldn’t remember. I looked to the girl on my right, about to ask if something was wrong with the movie. But she was just staring at the screen, focused. I noticed everyone else was doing much the same. I quickly turned back to the screen, not wanting to embarrass myself. As I watched I tried to remember what had been happening in the movie for this to make sense, the spiral and been going for at least a few minutes now, but the more I tried the more the details of the movie seemed fuzzy and distant. I stared intently at the screen, trying to find out what everyone else was looking at…

I blinked when there was suddenly someone sitting in front of me. I only noticed because she waved her hand in front of my face after she sat down. She was backlit by the spiral on the screen and she smiled at me. 

“Hey there” she said softly “First time here?”

I just nodded feeling strangely dizzy.

“Kelsy said she was bringing someone knew, is that you?”

I nodded again, she was gazing intently at me and I started to feel self conscious, I averted my eyes and saw that everyone else was still just staring at the spiral

“Well Kelsy has good taste, you’ll be lovely”

I blush, not expecting the compliment

“Um thanks” I mumble no longer able to meet her eyes. She was grinning at me now

“Are you ready?”

“Uh…for what?”

“To learn about the button that turns off your brain” 

I blinked as I tried to sort through the nonsense statement

“The what?”

She giggled and pointed off to my left 

“Just watch, you’ll get the idea”

I looked and saw she was pointing at the girls sitting on one of the couches, all of their eyes were glued to the spiral. As I watched, another girl came up behind them. Starting with the girl on the far left, she leaned down and whispered something into her ear. Then reached over and tapped her on the forehead. At once, she went limp. Head lolling forward, eyes closed. She slumped into the girl sitting next to her, who jolted as if suddenly startled awake, eyes blinking rapidly. But the girl behind the couch simply reached over and tapped her on the forehead as well. And suddenly both girls seemed to be fast asleep leaning into each other. The girl behind the couch smiled and gave them both a pat on the head before moving on to the rest of the couch

“You see? All good girls like you have a button that turns off their brain” 

I was staring open mouthed at the girls now asleep on the couch

“But…but I’m not-”

“Shhhhh”

I felt a hand on my cheek, and my head was turned to face the girl in front of me again. I was blushing like crazy now and I stammered something incoherent. The girl just smiled kindly

“Don’t worry, you won't be bothered by that kind of stuff soon”

Hand still on my cheek, she turned my head to the right, where I watched the girl sitting right next to me get tapped on the forehead. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she slumped back, mouth open and drooling.

“Isn’t she pretty?” 

She put her hand below my chin and made me nod, I hardly noticed I was just staring at the girl

“Doesn’t she look beautiful, all sleepy like that?”

She made me nod again

“Don’t you want to look like that?”

I nodded, I wasn’t sure if she made me or not

She turned my head to face her again. Her other hand was held up in front of me, her index finger pointed at me. My eyes focused on the tip of her finger

“W-wait”

“Nighty night”

She tapped me on the forehead

[mooshie-blue]

Enough for me 💕

A sort self insert octonauts fic idfk I don’t want to post this to a03

If you don’t like self insert stuff go away!

Bonnie could never be an Octonaut. They hated traveling, their room was always their safe place. they could never work under pressure either. They didn’t wear the hat or the fancy shirt collar.

They couldn’t drive a car, how would they drive a GUP? They couldn’t work under pressure. They were a coward.

Cooking is all they could really do.

The octonauts had been out to take care of and reunite a baby shark with her family after she got separated.

Bonnie was with the vegimals, planning that night’s dinner. They were chopping up some seaweed and Tominow was at the mixer, humming her little vegimal song. She occasionally looked over, noticing Bonnie’s solemn expression.

since Bonnie joined the crew, all the vegimals, especially Tomminow had taken a liking to them, seeing Bonnie as a sort of Mother figure. Sometimes Tominow called them “Mama”

The little Vegimal looked Bonnie’s direction “Mama?” Asking if they were okay.

Bonnie snapped back to reality and looked at their little friend, her little face was painted with concern “Mama?”

“I’m okay, Tominow, just not feeling it today. Must’ve slept funny.” Bonnie rubbed their totally sore neck and smiled weakly.

Tominow didn’t beleive them, she had been trained to be smarter than that thanks to Shellington and Tunip.

But she knew Bonnie didn’t like talking much about their feelings, especially to someone so young.

Tominow simply sighed sadly and went back to mixing. But she did have an idea in mind.

Soon dinner would be out in the oven and the Octonauts would return.

Tominow sat in the launch bay, waiting for Captain Barnacles because she knew how close he was with Bonnie.

Tweak walked in after getting a call from Barnacles telling her they were on their way back to the octopod. She would be set to open the octo-hatch soon.

“Hey, there Tominow! How’s dinner coming along?” She ruffled Tomminow’s leafy head as she approached the lever and stood by, waiting for orders.

“In da oven!” Tominow replied, she sat beside tweak, lightly kicking her flippers.

“Alright! But don’t tell me what it is, I want to be surprised!” Tweak giggled

Tominow nodded and hummed some more. Eventually, Captain Barnacles called for tweak to open the Octo-Hatch, Then he, Kwazii, Peso and Shellington bought the GUP-A to the top.

“How’d it go? Is Sasha okay?” Tweak asked about the baby shark.

“Oh, yes!” Captain Barnacles climbed out and gently pulled Peso out with him. “She’s fine!” Peso added Her parents were worried but they’re all together again, we made sure they swam off together before coming back!”

“A relief it is!” Shellington followed Peso out and stepped on the dock. Kwazii following close behind.

“That’s good to hear!” Tweak munched on a carrot “Tominow said dinners in the oven right now, it’ll be another 30 or so minutes.”

“In the meantime we should all take it easy, you did a wonderful job today, Octonauts!” Barnacles clasped his hands together “I’m very proud of you!”

“Shucks, Cap’n!” Kwazii chuckled “Hey, Shellington, ya up for a round of ping pong?” Shellington laughed and followed the swashbuckling cat to the rec room. “You’re on!”

Tweak set the GUP A back in its designated spot, Barnacles checking in beside her, after that, Tominow approached him and lightly tugged on his sleeve.

“Hm? What is it Tominow?” The polar bear turned to face her, he knelt down to her level.

“Mama!” Tominow hopped up and down. “Mama sad!”

“Oh, Bonnie’s upset? Do you know why?” He stood up. Tominow shaking her head, she tugged on his paw, urging him to follow.

“Easy now! I’m coming.” He gently settled the worried vegimal as he stood up and followed. They both deeply cared about Bonnie. Barnacles had found them when they were at a low place. They didn’t have a home or a job, really. The octonauts never ever encountered humans. Seeing them was a first. But he was glad he found them.

Bonnie lay quietly in their room. They left the other Vegimals in charge of watching over dinner. They just stared outside, watching the fish go by. It wasn’t uncommon for them to just not do anything. What a burden.

A gentle knock on their door “Darling? It’s me, Tominow told me you aren’t feeling well.”

They couldn’t ever really resist Barnacles helpfulness. No matter how tired or angry they were, something about the small polar bear just broke their walls down. Even just sitting quietly with him was enough to put them at ease.

They stood up and the door opened automatically, they motioned for him to come in, which he did.

They plopped themself down on their bed and lay quietly. Around him they felt more comfortable to just be ‘unpleasant’ just a side of themselves they barely show. The side that was upset and frustrated, the side that felt wasn’t good enough.

Captain Barnacles sat next to them and rubbed their shoulder “What’s wrong, my dear?”

“I’m just so tired of being so useless.” Bonnie sighed and gripped their hair in frustration, Barnacles looking with worry.

“I feel like I’m not doing enough for the team, when the opportunity comes, I just back away like a coward. I just wish I wasn’t so scared all the time.” They sighed. “I don’t feel like I belong here, or anywhere really.”

Captain Barnacles gently stroked their soft hair and moved their bangs out of their eyes noticing them close, trying to hold back tears. He pressed a soft kiss to their forehead.

“Bonnie. It’s scary for anyone to do big things. I have fears myself, y’know. There’s so much out there to be worried about. I can’t say I blame you.”

He ran his paw to their hand and gently grasped it. “But you are just as important as the rest of us. Sometimes we get so busy we don’t have time to prepare meals. So imagine how happy we are when we come back to the octopod to see a warm, delicious meal made by you and the Vegimals.” Bonnie looked at him and noticed that warm smile on muzzle.

“You don’t have to go out and bandage up wounds or take big risks to reunite a shark with their families. Not yet, anyway. When your time comes, I’ll be happy to help you every step of the way. That’s my job as the Captain, I must be patient with everyone and their needs, and that includes you.”

He looked up at them, sincerity written all over him. “So please be patient with yourself. There’s no need to rush out into something you don’t believe you’re ready for.”

Bonnie nodded and held his paw “Thank you, bear..” they took his hat off and kissed the top of his head. Barnacles letting out a soft chuckle in response. his reactions to their affection were always so charming, He himself was just.. charming.

“I’ll always be there, Bonnie. No matter how small you think your problems are, I’ll help you.” He stroked their hair.

Bonnie sat up and hugged their little bear close. “I love you, Barnacles.” They whispered. “Oh I love you too, Dear. Do you want me to stay?”

Bonnie nodded “Yes, please.” They held him closer and lay down, bringing him down with them in their embrace. “You’re so sweet, snowball.”

“All for you, my dear.” He held their cheek and kissed their lips. Bonnie gently tugged his shirt collar and kissed him right back.

They both lay in complete, comfortable silence, exchanging sweet kisses as they waited for dinner.

[violettwrites]

in the arms of the broken — daryl dixon

a/n: to the dear nonnie that requested this 🫶🏻 thank u sm i absolutely adored writing this (i rly should be sleeping but i can’t so here i am) i hope you enjoy !!

if you enjoyed reading this, please support me by giving me a like, reblog, and/or comment ! don’t forget to follow me either if you want to read more of my stuff !

request: anon said — “i also like the dialogue prompt ‘i don’t know… i’ve never seen her like this’ that tugs at the heart strings”

summary: reader cannot cope with the way the world has become, during a particularly hard night for themselves, daryl dixon is the one to comfort them.

warnings: angst/sadness ,,, thats it rly

word count: 1,241

recourses: divider by @adornedwithlight

➵ tp!daryl masterlist

➵ regular masterlist

here is my ask box !

the night was quiet except for the crackle of the fire, but it felt wrong—like the world had gone still, holding its breath. you sat by the flames, knees drawn to your chest, staring blankly into the flickering light. the heat touched your skin, but it didn’t reach you, didn’t chase away the cold that had settled deep inside.

daryl watched you from a distance, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed over his chest. he’d been keeping an eye on you for days, noticing the way you’d been pulling away from everyone, isolating yourself. you’d always been strong, always held it together for the sake of the group, but something was different now. something had changed, and it scared him. you were like a shadow of yourself, your spirit drained, your eyes distant.

rick approached him, eyes flicking over to you before meeting daryl’s. “how’s she holdin’ up?”

daryl didn’t answer right away, his jaw tightening as he watched the way you sat so still, your body hunched like the weight of everything had finally become too much to carry. he shook his head, his voice quiet and rough. “i don’t know… i’ve never seen her like this.”

rick nodded, his expression grim. “she’s been through a lot. more than most of us. maybe she just needs some time.”

rick can recall the first time they found you, smack bang in the middle of atlanta, all alone. you were covered in blood and guts, and if he hadn’t actually heard how you begged for help when he saw you, your voice barely audible, he honestly would have thought you were just another walker.

“time ain’t gonna fix what’s broken,” daryl muttered under his breath, the frustration simmering beneath his skin. time wasn’t enough when you were drowning, when you couldn’t see a way out of the darkness. and he hated that he didn’t know how to pull you out.

rick gave him a look, one that said everything he didn’t need to say out loud. “you’re the one she’ll listen to, daryl. talk to her.”

daryl stood there a moment longer, watching the way you curled into yourself, like you were trying to disappear. every instinct in him told him to go to you, but he hesitated, unsure if his words would even matter. still, he couldn’t just leave you like this.

he finally pushed off the tree and walked over, his boots crunching softly against the dirt. he lowered himself to the ground beside you, sitting close enough that you could feel his presence, but not so close that he’d crowd you.

for a while, neither of you said anything. the fire crackled between you, the only sound breaking the silence of the night. daryl wasn’t sure how to start, wasn’t good with words even on the best of days. but he knew you, and he knew the way you got when things started to spiral out of control in your head.

“you don’t gotta shut us out, y’know,” he finally said, his voice gruff but soft. “we’re all here for ya.”

you didn’t respond at first, your eyes still fixed on the flames like they held some kind of answer you were searching for. after a long moment, you sighed, your voice barely a whisper. “i’m tired, daryl.”

those words hit him like a punch to the gut. he’d seen people break before, seen the way this world could wear someone down until there was nothing left. but hearing you say it, seeing you like this—it scared him more than he wanted to admit.

“i know,” he said quietly. “we all are. but we’re still fightin’. you’re still fightin’.”

you shook your head, your voice trembling as you spoke. “i don’t know if i can anymore. every day feels like it’s getting harder. like… like i’m losing pieces of myself.”

daryl’s chest tightened. he’d always admired your strength, the way you kept going no matter how hard things got. but now, hearing you say you were falling apart—it made him realize just how much he hadn’t noticed.

“you ain’t losin’ yourself,” he said, his voice firm but gentle. “you’re still here. we’re still here.”

you swallowed hard, tears brimming in your eyes. “i feel like i’m drowning. like no matter what i do, it’s never enough. i can’t save everyone, daryl.”

that was it, wasn’t it? the burden you carried, the weight of trying to protect everyone, to hold the group together when everything was falling apart. it was breaking you.

daryl shifted closer, his hand reaching out to rest on your arm, hesitant at first, but firm once it was there. “you don’t gotta save everyone. that ain’t on you.”

your voice cracked as you spoke, the tears spilling over now. “but if i don’t… who will?”

daryl’s heart clenched at the raw pain in your voice. he wished he had the right words, wished he could take that weight off your shoulders. but he knew he couldn’t fix everything. what he could do, though, was remind you that you weren’t alone.

“you don’t have to,” he said, his thumb gently brushing your arm in a way that was more comforting than he realized. “we’re all in this together. you ain’t gotta carry the world by yourself.”

you turned to look at him, and the vulnerability in your eyes nearly broke him. he wasn’t used to seeing you like this, so lost and fragile. he hated it. he hated that you felt like you had to carry the world alone, that you felt like you were drowning.

“i don’t know how to stop feeling like this,” you whispered, your voice shaking. “everything feels so heavy.”

daryl swallowed hard, his own heart aching at how much pain you were in. he didn’t know how to take that pain away, but he could be there for you. he could be the one thing you could hold on to when everything else felt like it was slipping away.

“you ain’t alone,” he said, his voice low but steady. “you got me. no matter what, you got me.”

you looked at him then, really looked at him, and for the first time in days, you felt like you could breathe just a little easier. his words were simple, but they grounded you. daryl had always been your anchor, and in this moment, you needed him more than ever.

without thinking, you leaned into him, your forehead resting against his shoulder as the tears came harder, your body shaking with the force of them. daryl didn’t hesitate. he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer, his hand rubbing slow circles on your back.

“let it out,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “it’s okay. i got ya.”

and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself fall apart. you let the tears come, let the pain you’d been holding in for so long spill out. daryl didn’t say anything more, didn’t need to. he just held you, his presence steady and unwavering, letting you know without words that you didn’t have to carry this burden alone.

the fire crackled softly beside you, but the world felt a little less cold with daryl holding you. you weren’t okay. you weren’t sure when—or if—you’d ever be okay again. but for now, in his arms, you felt like you didn’t have to be.

and maybe that was enough.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Thinking again about that selkie Killer AU and the concept of selkie hides granting people immortality and I just got the saddest idea...

Imagine Color starts growing old and Killer desperately starts giving him his hide because that was his very first friend, the first person that ever made him feel safe. And, yes, losing the other Epic Sanses will be rough, but losing Color? Well, he might not survive that.

Just, the inherent tragedy of an immortal dealing with the inevitable passage of time... gets to me every time

That’s me rn.

Ughhh makes me think of the idea of killer tryna get color to absorb his soul again—wanting him to reach invincibility/more power, wanting him to be immortal, wanting him to be alive and safe.

I always wondered how it’d feel to start giving a shit about the life of someone else again—after many years spent be conditioned to greet the death, violence, and murder of everyone around you— including that of yourself—with anything ranging from complete acceptance to complete apathy and indifference.

It’d be a lot easier to accept that idea in Stage 1–it’s only Killer’s own death that he greets with open arms—but a lot harder in Stage 2 when apathy is its most prevalent state of being, to the point of feeling even the tiniest sliver and being aware of it can send him spiraling. (Bro started tweaking out the second swap took him stargazing in the swap vs killer comics.)

trying to accept the possibility of losing color to something like death might be harder than normal, especially since hes immortal in the selkie au.

it might be easier for killer to “accept” colors death in the canon—as in too apathetic to truly acknowledge it and just accepting it has what was “always” going to happen and that he should know better than to hope, that death isn’t really something to fear or hate, it just is what it is, dissociating from and rationalizing away any pain—but it’d probably be harder for selkie killer.

I feel like color absolutely wouldn’t accept killers hide, similar to the way he wouldn’t accept absorbing killers soul either—and killer (particularly stage 2), may take that as enough reason to get kinda..manipulative. Find a way to trick or coerce color into it, or try to change his mind—regardless of whatever exact means he had to do it.

Although, in the soul absorbing case a compromise was found (color holding killers soul in his ribcage, not exactly what killer wanted but only as far as color was willing to go), i don’t know if there is a possible compromise for this hide situation. Killer may just have to accept that mortals die, and it can be painful.

{ @stellocchia }

[nashvillethotchicken]

Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach

[yuwuta]

If megumi asked uzhsjdhshd omg I totally see it tbh him wanting you, but I don't think megumi would ever ask yuuji to share you, in any type of way at all. (not trying to push my own hc here!!) I feel like yuuji himself would be the one asking megumi. Yuuji knows that he's yours just as much as he knows you're his. And he loves you too much, a lot, it's purest type of love he has ever felt for anyone. And megumi is his best friend, he loves him just as much, right? Yes, not the same love between you and him ofc but yes. And I have no idea what they were doing but yuuji's just says, kind of out of the blue, that he'd let megumi fuck you. The reason being exactly cause he knows you're his, and you're just so so good that he needs to have someone to talk to (about you and always so respectfully) and who better that his best friend?

you’re opening the pandora’s box that is itfs + reader…. god….. 

okok i agree. if you’re dating yuuji, megumi would never ask, yuuji would be the one to bring all three of you together. definitely because he loves you and you’re his, and he loves megumi too, so it just makes sense that his two favorite people also get to have each other—but also, yuuji can tell megumi likes you, and he can tell you think megumi is attractive and since yuuji’s so nice, what kinder thing to do than to set you two up so he can watch (: he definitely enjoys being the mediator, also enjoys the somewhat awkward air between you and megumi, how yeah, maybe it’s a little taboo that the two of you are about to make out while you’re boyfriend watches, but yuuji likes that too… also he likes knowing that you both like him. like how lucky is he that his best friend and his girlfriend adore him so much :(( you two together makes so much sense in his head, because he talks to megumi about you, and he talks to you about megumi, and now, he can just pour all his love for both of you out at the same time

but also…. i’d like to think that yuuji’s maybe not so nice when it’s the other way around—when he and megumi get together first, and you’re megumi’s best friend. he’s not mean, but he does like to tease... how naughty of megumi to ask out yuuji knowing he’s still got a crush on you, and god does yuuji like to tease him about it :/ jerks him off and taunts about how he knows megumi’s dirty little secret—that he’s in love with his best friend and fantasizes not just about having you, but about watching his own boyfriend fuck you too… 

yuuji knows megumi would take his feelings for you to the grave if he could (he’d have done the same with his feelings for yuuji if yuuji wasn’t the one to ask him out), but where’s the fun in that! you and megumi are sooo cute together after all, so yuuji doesn’t mind trying to get you two to confess to each other too. uses his proximity to megumi to get closer to you, takes advantage of his bubbly disposition to be physically affectionate with you, uses megumi’s feelings to his advantage to tease, to wink, to smirk whenever you and yuuji hug a little longer, when he texts megumi that he’s meeting up with you for lunch, when he gives you his jacket and doesn’t ask for it back… there’s so much fun in watching megumi blush and whine and get off at the thought of his best friend and his boyfriend together. and the thing is, yuuji genuinely does like you, too, he sees what megumi sees in you, and he thinks megumi is crazy to have not asked you out before, but he supposes everything happens for a reason, because now, this way, yuuji gets to be there and watch it all happen under his guidance. there’s something about the power, about being the bridge between you two even though you and megumi have known each other for much longer, about being in control of a dynamic that could have, but wouldn’t exist without him…

[toytulini]

if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.

[the-deadlock-south]

as pleased as i am that we're getting a new support hero, i can't help but be disappointed that she looks like d.va's and tracers's models just got mashed together (i literally thought it was just a new skin for either of them for a sec). i kinda want to know what the lore behind her is, but... at the same time i lost interest in new characters lore after bap :( let us know if she's at least fun to play when you get a chance to test her out!

i havent been interested in OW lore since like. idk maybe ramattra: at this point i am just here to see if the chara plays nice and if they look nice while liking the old ones LOL juno looks real fun to play with the space theme, so i'm optimistic she'll be a joy :^)

regarding juno about her appearance, i don't think she looks too much like a mash up of dva/tracer like some of the gal heroes usually do (kiriko genuinely does just make me think of tracer sometimes, for instance)..

...but i do like her 'preview' model before. at the very least, her eyes made her stand out with how sharp the lashes were coupled with her smaller face

in the model we have now, they like. nerfed her lashes LOL??? i could be coping but her old eyes looked more 'rectangular' than the rounded shape we have now also. if they kept the eyes from before, i think that would've helped make her stand out, at the very least the lashes. they have a particular style to them that just isn't translated into the in-game model now

[atomiclace]

who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[swagging-back-to]

not sorry. i extend very little sympathy and patience towards tras who are underage, and the only ones who do get said sympathy are TIFs. but again. it's MICROSCOPIC levels of sympathy.

[impzone]

now that i've been getting more into coding im learning that like, a programming language is just one slice of an enormous pie of what is actually required to make a site or an app. and even for the coding languages, there are more tools that you can use to make what you're doing like 10 times more efficient. my question is how do you learn that these tools even exist out there for you to use? every time i do a tutorial or study a course i'm amazed and a little panicked about how much more there is to learn outside of programing itself that there is to learn

[theygender]

This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder

[imflyingfish]

Mmmmm

[gemharvest]

Need to get on top of whatever dumb fucking inferiority complex I got going on I'm tired of looking at everything about myself and going "Wow I am really sub-par." I know it's 2am but this isn't the midnight thoughts talking this is a fucking persistent curse throughout my day.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ed recovery with autism and adhd is so weird.

Like I'll either forget to eat lunch entirely or I'll forget when I ate last and end up eating lunch 3 seperate times instead.

Then sometimes I have to literally ask my girlfriend if I'm hungry because I don't fucking know what my body is feeling ever and she's usually like "Yeah you should eat".

Then when I go to prepare food it's like:

Me: okay body so how much food do you want

Body: hm...m... food...?

Me: yes food. But HOW MUCH

Body: uhh... s e v e r a l

Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

And then I end up making too much for me to eat (thank God I'm allowed to not eat all of my food now- I hated that rule so much growing up) but its still so goddamn confusing skgjfjfhff