#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[yawnjunn]

:*:✼ TXT attending your concert ✼*･ﾟ

Woahh its been a while huh...got super busy with life, just failed my physics exam 😜✌️ and now im on my school break, i decided to write this post bcs im SUPERRR bored rn but anyways

╰┈➤ idol!ot5! txt x idol!gn!reader

╰┈➤ no warnings, just fluff

╰┈➤ quick guide : y/n = your name, y/g/n = your group's name, y/f/n = your fandom's name

yeonjun(연준) :

☆ This man isnt afraid to attend your concert WITHOUT covering his face, yk how some artists covered their face and attend their friend's concert? yeah...not yj tho

☆ He might only bring a lightstick, not those extra banners or signs or whatever

☆ The only reason why he only brought a lightstick was bcs, he treats your concert like its his monthly/weekly routine

☆ Youre having a 2 day concert in seoul? You know damn right he'll be there despite his busy schedule

☆ Having a concert in japan? Finds a way to get to japan just to attend your concert

☆ so thats why he didnt feel like the need to bring extras cs in the end, yk hes gonna attend anyways

☆ but that didnt stop fans from screaming whenever they saw yeonjun

☆ he'd probably try to make a conversation with your fans while waiting for you to perform with your group

☆ "so how long have you stan y/g/n ?"

☆ "im a y/n biased, and you?"

☆ when you came on stage and during the breaks between performing, you called out yeonjun

☆ "yeonjun i know youre here somewhere, cameraman pls find yeonjun and point the camera at him"

☆ and when the camera is on him, hes smiling brightly and covered his shy face after getting those cheers from your fans

☆ you'd probably ask him to dance to one of your songs

☆ "yeonjun dance this song for me pls" then hes like shaking his head and all, refusing

☆ but the moment the music started, he danced so well that he literally became the hot topic of your group's show

soobin(수빈) :

☆ well soobin however, he'll come 2 hours early before your concert starts

☆ the reason he came early was because he was excited to give out his handmade freebies

☆ the night before, soobin had asked if he could hand out some freebies to your concert and you found this soooo cute that you told all your fans to find soobin for freebies

☆ he may be a little bit biased but all his freebies are just you.

☆ you wonder, what did he made? well...he made a banner, your photocard that he printed himself using his company's printer, candies of your fav and pastries that he had bake

☆ believe me or not, he woke up as early as 4 am just to make cute little pastries as your concert take place in morning

☆ he believed your fans wouldnt get breakfast, so he baked the pastries for them 😭

☆ as soon as your concert starts, he whipped out his phone so fast and record it and whenever you came on screen, hes like "wahhh theyre so pretty"

☆ when you start singing, he starts crying???? hes way too proud of you that he starts crying and vent to his friends sitting next to him

☆ "you know how hard my baby worked? im so proud of them, i remember them crying every night to me because of training and now look at them, theyre on stage now"

☆ his friend sitting beside him was like, soobin are u okay??? are u drunk?? but either way, his friend can only smile and nod while listening to soobin rant

beomgyu(범규) :

☆ idc what anyone says but this man will be fighting for a front row ticket

☆ literally camps outside the venue like..literally

☆ you had offered him to enter the venue earlier than anyone before the show starts

☆ but he refused this bcs he wants to get them freebies from your fans 😭 instead of giving them out, he wants the freebies himself

☆ goes from fan to fan, if he sees a fan handing out freebies? he'll be speed walking, another fan giving out freebies too? he'll be speed walking

☆ receives the freebies until it couldnt fit in his little bag that he brought with him

☆ as soon as the security lets everyone inside, he'll be running just to get close to the barricade

☆ since hes an idol, i know its ridiculous but he'll be surrounded by 2 of his protocol team 😭

☆ even though he had brought his 2 protocol teammates, he'd somehow make them enjoy your concert too

☆ like when your group tells the fans to jump, beomgyu would convinced his protocol buddies to jump aswell

☆ you spot beomgyu in the crowds and he'd wave you like crazy, like a fan boy 😭 ...does beomgyu knows that youre his lover???? 😭😭😭

☆ but anyways, he'll go on weverse and post the concert pics and take a photo of the freebies he received

☆ "what an amazing night, they look so beautiful tonight and thank you to y/f/n for giving out the freebies, i'll be keeping it forever"

taehyun(태현) :

☆ this man is quite lowkey but he is a hardcore stan of yours

☆ hes a bit dissappointed when he founds out that he wasnt the first one to arrive at the venue, he was like "2 hours before the concert starts, and theres alot of people waiting..." poor him, he thought he was the first 😭

☆ he'd show up with his mask on and a cap as he didnt want the fans to know he came to see you

☆ but that kinda failed as your fans started to notice his famous boba eyes in the crowds

☆ this made him open his mask, since theres no point in using it 😭

☆ as soon as y/g/n performs, yk damn well he'd be taking tons of videos

☆ he'd sing along to your songs and dance to some of it

☆ he memorised the fanchant too !!!

☆ bro got jealous when he sees y/f/n got the banners like...ugh he wants one too????

☆ he was like "see i knew i shouldnt have brought lightstick only"

☆ politely asks y/f/n for some extra banners

☆ believe me or not, he'd use those digital text on his phone that says, "y/n please notice me"

☆ luckily you noticed this and blew him a kiss and in return, he gave you a big heart which made you giggle on stage which also made y/f/n cheer louder

hueningkai(휴닝카이) :

☆ you think hes gonna go alone to your concert? nope

☆ he'll invite everyone he knows, his members, his family, his staffs. literally everyone to show how talented you are

☆ as much as you would love your boyfriend to bring in alot of people, apparently it has limits

☆ so in the end, he only brought his 2 sisters, lea and hiyyih

☆ dont worry, he paid for their tickets lmao

☆ LOVES receiving freebies from y/f/n

☆ when lea or hiyyih got your photocard from the freebies, he'd say smthn like "can i have that..?"

☆ not only he likes receiving freebies but hes also a merch buyer. sees a cute wristband for the lightstick? he'll buy. a cute shirt? he'll buy. a batch with your face on it? he'll buy.

☆ he'll buy everything that has your name or your face on it, until lea told him to stop unless he wants his bank account balance to be $0

☆ he'll do anything to get noticed by you, even tho he knows youre his lover

☆ before the concert, he texted, 'i'll be on the middle row, 3rd line from the front!!'

☆ but he decided to go extra as he thought you'd forget to see him so yk what he did? he brought glowing light sticks with him to make him more noticable 😭😭

☆ when you noticed him, you gave him a heart and him being a fanboy of yours, he started giggling and bragged to his sisters, "did you see that? they definitely gave that heart to me"

☆ after the concert ends, he'd ask one of his sisters to take photos of him doing cute poses whenever youre on screen, like him doing a big heart whenever you show up on the screen

☆ fans found this cute as they started uploading his leaked pictures doing those poses

☆ people may or may not label you guys as the couple of the year 🤭

[turbulentscrawl]

Hey there!! If you're up for it, some Victor Grantz sfw & ns/fw perchance?

Ngl I'm a bit in awe with how many requests you've been able to post in such a relatively short amount of time 😵‍💫 it's very admirable, but I also hope you get enough rest so you don't burn yourself out ^^"

I absolutely can! He's my first one posting the relationship HCs before the general haha

I appreciate the concern, but I'm alright! Headcanons are pretty quick and easy for me to fill, it's just the actual scenarios that are a little more work-intensive. And I fill stuff as I have time and inspiration, so I'll have on-and-off spurts like that where stuff comes out faster!

Victor Grantz

SFW

-Victor is a very empathetic and adaptable partner. He’s very attuned to your mood, and goes out of his way to check on you whenever he has spare time. He enjoys being the person you vent to, about anything and everything—remember, secrets are huge deal to Victor. Sharing your private thoughts and feelings with him is the ultimate sign of your trust in him, so tell him about all your troubles. He won’t share them with another soul. Well, maybe Wick, but that doesn’t count right?

-He’s totally open to basic PDA. Don’t get me wrong, his cheeks go apple-red every time, but he’s got no issues with giving you a hug or a smooch in front of other people. He’s even alright with sitting in one another’s laps because he can’t turn down a good cuddle. But Wick gets to sit in the lap of whoever is on top.

-When you’re in a relationship with Victor, his true sillyguy nature reveals itself. Like, if he ever catches you dancing like a loon to music and chores, he’s immediately joining in. If you initiate a prank war, he’s very likely to reciprocate. (But only if it’s the harmless stuff.) Cooking with him? He’s gonna dollop something on your nose. If you have any non-verbal stims or ticks, he likes to playfully copy them.

-In a modern world, he enjoys watching movies with you and will 100% cry at the sad and heartwarming stuff. He doesn’t love horror movies, but romcoms and animated flicks are good. During the Holidays he has those awful Hallmark movies playing constantly.

-He enjoys outdoor activities! If you don’t he can generally get his fill from doing his deliveries and taking Wick on walks, but he’d really enjoy it if you wanted to go hiking or camping sometime. In the winter, he enjoys building snowmen and snowball fights.

NS/FW

-It may surprise some of you, but he’s more of a top! (A very gentle top.) But he’s quite shy, and nervous about making unwanted advances, so he always waits for your invitation first. He likes when you whisper flirty little lines to him as a signal that you’re in the mood, or send him a letter with a time and place for a sneaky tryst. It never fails to put a sweet smile and adorable blush on his cheeks.

-Before, and even for a good while into your relationship, Victor is more likely to scurry off to take care of any arousal by himself than he is to agree to sex. It’s nothing against you, honestly, he just needs time to build up the courage to see you naked without passing out. The good news: he unintentionally edges himself a lot because he gets so distracted thinking of you, so by the time you do get involved sexually he’s already built up some decent endurance.

-He’ll give you oral if you ask, but he prefers to use his hands on you so he can kiss you at the same time. If you give him oral, he unravels quickly. It’s the one thing he never gets much better at lasting through.

-Victor likes to indulge in a romantic atmosphere and is especially fond of soft candlelight and rose petals. Intimacy is a precious commodity after Victor’s history, and he wants to foster it. If you ever get ahold of a private hot spring or a nice, big bath with some wine, consider him seduced.

-He’s not very loud during the act, but he sighs sweetly and whimpers. It’s very common for him to whisper an “I love you” during or right after he finishes. When he comes, his arms shake something terrible, so he usually ends up laying right on top of you instead of holding himself up properly. He doesn’t weigh too much, thankfully, and it’s a great opportunity to cling to him. He also really doesn’t want to pull out after. Can’t he just stay like this while and enjoy the afterglow?

-He really enjoys roleplay in the bedroom. Is he the best at it? No, he’s really not. And it’s fine if you’re not either because Victor doesn’t take it too seriously. He just thinks it’s fun to dress up and pretend a little bit in the bedroom. He won’t, for instance, play a whole long scene as a police officer where you get arrested and whatnot. He’s just a “police officer” who finds you attractive, instead of a “postman.” As hinted briefly above, he also likes cockwarming during frisky cuddles. ;)

[flightfoot]

IF YOURE STILL FEELING LIKE giving recommendations... do you have any for post-pappilon pre-reveal...? thank youu

Okay so, I'm mainly using tags in my bookmarks to find these which isn't super reliable, but I can give at least a few good ones! I'm sticking with only completed fics once again.

Under Oath by @eoscenes

In the aftermath of Hawk Moth's defeat, Ladybug finds her heart torn between her schoolgirl crush and her superhero partner ― who returns, after an unexplained hiatus, more irresistible than ever. ⋆☆⋆ Gabriel Agreste is unmasked, and Paris rises up in the aftermath. Marinette Dupain-Cheng must weather Paris' anxious protesters, ravenous reporters, a scattered team of judiciary investigators, and her conflicting feelings for two different boys. In the eye of this storm is the elusive Adrien Agreste, the primary witness in his own father's trial, who might just hold the secret to finding the Peacock Miraculous. (If only she wasn't in love with him.) Meanwhile, locked away in Le Grand Paris hotel, Adrien grapples with his responsibilities to a city that can't decide if it hates or loves him. Keeping his daytime persona and Chat Noir separate entities becomes even harder when Ladybug, whom he has finally decided to get over, starts visiting him at night, determined to figure his secrets out. (If only he wasn't in love with her.) When an unknown figure returns with the Peacock Miraculous, Ladybug and Chat Noir will have to save their city once more — or lose each other trying.

This Distance Between Us by @coffeebanana

After defeating Monarch, the search for the Peacock Miraculous brings Ladybug and Chat Noir to a hotel room in London. But it's hard to enjoy the victory when Ladybug can't figure out why Chat's been so quiet, why he seems so sad. How's she supposed to help if she has no idea what's wrong?

When Secrets Come Undone by SortaArtsy

Ladybug promised not to tell Adrien... but she never promised not to confide in Cat Noir. What happens when Ladybug unintentionally vents to the one person who wasn't meant to know any of it? ****MAJOR SEASON 5 SPOILERS WARNING! **** May not be season 6 compliant when it comes out.

---

missing person (at the window) by @coffeebanana

Adrien expected to spend another night staring at the ceiling and ignoring his friends' messages, as he'd done every night since his father was unmasked as Shadow Moth. But when Ladybug falls through his bedroom window, he gets a little more than he bargained for.

---

drowning (in plain sight) by @buggachat

Everybody had expected Monarch's defeat to be a moment of triumph. Nobody had expected Gabriel Agreste, unmasked and mind frayed from continual abuse of the miraculous, crying out to all who would listen and making Paris certain of one thing: His son, Adrien Agreste, is one of his sentimonsters. And now he's missing. Nobody can find him— not even the superheroes, and not even his closest friends. But Marinette, Nino, and Alya aren't ones to give up so easily. They'll find him, no matter what it takes. (But, geez, would it kill Chat Noir to lend a hand?)

---

metamorphosis by @peachcitt

I was thinking about that time you hated me.” “Why?” "I don’t know." “I didn’t.” “I know.” or three years after hawkmoth's defeat, marinette is still trying to figure out her version of normal. there's also sleepovers.

---

The Parable of the Caller by @nemaliwrites

A week after Hawk Moth’s identity has been revealed, Adrien finds himself with nowhere to go, nothing he can do, and worst of all, strange gaps in his memory he can’t explain. In a stroke of luck, he stumbles upon a burner phone filled with voicemails from one of the Saviors of Paris: Chat Noir himself, who disappeared following Hawk Moth’s arrest.

But with each new voicemail Adrien listens to, he’s forced to confront the fact that there might be some kind of connection between himself and Chat Noir — and discovering it might leave him more broken than before.

[stay-dazed]

stray kids as your older brother

notes: female reader, and you're their adopted sister. this is my first time making a post like this, so i'm sorry if it's repetitive or anything. i hope everyone enjoys!

chan: chan's always loved being an older brother, and not just to his biological siblings, but to anyone who may need a brotherly figure. so when his parents made the decision to adopt another child back when he was still a trainee, he was ecstatic. nervous as hell since he wasn't sure if he'd be a good enough big brother to a new sibling while being all the way in korea, but excited nonetheless.

the day you came home his parents set up facetime so you both could meet and of course you both clicked pretty quickly thanks to how patient he was and how calmly he spoke. and now, six years later, you're happily close with all of your siblings. of course you're closest with lucas since you see him everyday, but hannah and chan are still amazing big siblings.

chan's a pretty busy guy but he takes every opportunity he can to either facetime you and lucas, or at least text you both to see how you've been doing. he also gives the best advice he possibly can whenever you need it. and as it may seem, tonight is a particularly difficult night for you.

as you lay in bed mindlessly scrolling on your phone after a quiet dinner with the family, your thoughts begin to feel almost suffocating. your eyes begin to tear up and a lump forms in your throat. quickly you check the time - 7:30pm. well... korea is only an hour ahead, and chan never really sleeps anyway. he wouldn't mind if you called really quick, right?

with a shaky hand you go to his contact, press call, and hold the phone to your ear. your lips are pressed tightly together as the phone rings once, twice-

"hey (y/n), what's up?"

his cheery voice alone brings the tears to slip down your cheeks despite your best efforts not to cry. "channie-hyung? are you busy right now?"

your shaky voice immediately worries chan and he's set intro protective mode. "no, no i'm not busy," he says despite all the talking going on in the background," what's up, hon? did something happen?"

you spend the next hour and a half just venting about how awful things have been recently. how you may not pass your government history course despite how hard you try to understand everything and how the new manager at your workplace treats you like you're an idiot. and as to be expected, by the end of it, you feel so much better. you're even giggling at the silly things chan says to try and cheer you up.

"an idiot? nah if anyone's an idiot, it's me. i share exactly one braincell with all the boys and half the time it isn't even working. you're doing great, okay hon?"

minho: admittedly, minho isn't exactly excited when his parents first announce their plan of adopting a teenager. it's not that he wouldn't love his new little sister or anything but he grew up an only child, so he isn't familiar with the duties a big brother has. during the seven months it takes to go through the whole adoption process, minho spends as much time with his parents as he can, helping set up what used to be his room as your new room and getting reassurance from his parents that he'll be a great big brother.

gradually minho gets used to the idea of having a little sibling. in fact he's actually kinda excited now. he's just so curious to see what you're like and how you two will get along. the day you come home is a little bit awkward as to be expected, but it's full of smiles and small talk anyway. minho shows you to your room and talks about how it used to be his before he moved out at a young age. that leads to an interesting conversation about his past job as a waiter, his uni experience, and how he became a kpop trainee.

the conversations continue into the evening, all through the hearty meal made by your parents. you're already beginning to feel comfy here. the only thing left to do to truly become a part of the family is meet the fluffy trio - soonie, doongie, and dori. you had seen them earlier but they were hiding in their cat tower, anxious about this newcomer in their home. after helping with clean up, you carefully head towards the cat tower where you kneel down to hopefully appear less big and intimidating. you first meet eyes with soonie, and you're instantly drawn to the way his little nose twitches curiously in your direction. with a big smile, you speak to him in a gentle voice," hi baby. look at you, you're so cute."

you hold your hand out to him so he can get more of your scent but he doesn't seem to like it as he cowers further into the tower. "oh no, i'm sorry baby. i didn't mean to scare you. i promise i won't hurt you!"

minho comes up behind you and watches for a moment as you continue to try coaxing soonie out, with no success. "why don't we go sit on the couch? eventually they'll get curious and come out to see what's going on," he suggests.

you nod and follow him to the living room where you both sit on the couch and just spend time talking about different things. it takes a little while, maybe twenty minutes, but finally doongie builds up courage to come out first and see what his papa's up to. he jumps onto minho's lap and sniffs in your direction but ultimately curls up where he is. soonie comes out next after a few more minutes, and just curls up on one of the couch pillows that fell on the floor where he proceeds to doze off. well it's good he trusts you enough to nap around you.

and the last to come out is dori. after he sniffs in your direction just like the others, you expect him to go find another spot to settle in like the others did. but much to your and minho's surprise, he instead climbs on your lap where he sniffs at your nose a couple times, then lays down and begins licking one of his paws.

"i've never seen him get comfortable around a new person so quickly before. you must be really special!"

changbin: changbin is so excited to learn he's getting a new baby sister. well not an actual baby, but a baby to him. he's always been bullied (playfully) by his older sister and now it's finally his turn to do it to someone younger than him. changbin has always been highly observant and good at memorizing how to specifically help the different people around him, so he knows he'd be a good big brother for sure.

the evening you come home is very busy. your parents, big sister, changbin, as well as seungmin who has the day off, all take you out to eat at a nice restaurant for a sort of first gotcha day celebration. you're incredibly nervous and soft spoken which is understandable considering it's your first day with your new family, and thankfully they're all very patient with you. they try their best to be as cheerful as possible but at the same time not too overwhelming.

and despite being so nervous, seeing the family (and seungmin) be so happy and playful with each other helps you calm down little by little. by the end of the night you're giggling and feeling much more relaxed. you haven't said much most of the evening besides answering questions they've asked you, but they don't seem to mind. when dessert comes - specifically bungeoppang for you - changbin asks," oh you like red bean paste too? (y/s/n) doesn't. she says it's too sweet for her."

you smile and respond timidly," yeah it's one of my favorites." changbin smiles back and nods. he's sure to remember that for future reference.

as him and your sister start poking fun at each other again with seungmin egging them on, a sudden playful jab at changbin slips out of your mouth. you're not sure where that little spark of confidence came from, but that playful jab leaves him in shock and the rest of the table in laughter.

seungmin says while slinging an arm over changbin's shoulder," she fits right in, huh?" you can't help but laugh louder than you have this entire evening.

"i'm supposed to be the one who teases now! how could this possibly have backfired on me??"

hyunjin: hyunjin's visiting his parents on his week off of work when they open up about their decision to adopt. he's not particularly happy nor upset about the idea, he's really just shocked more than anything. he calls up chan and felix in a group call to ask them what it's like to have a little sister, and as the news really sets in throughout the duration of the phone call, hyunjin begins to really worry. just like minho, he's only ever been an only child. what if he sucks at being a big brother? chan and felix remind him that he has at least some experience being a brotherly figure with the younger members so he'll be just fine. hyunjin, being as dramatic as he is, takes a bit longer to fully calm down and get used to the idea.

but once he does, he's just fine. he even takes a day off work to join his parents when they go to pick you up and bring you home. all on the way home hyunjin gives you an idea of what the apartment - especially your room - is like and how it'll be to meet kkami. thankfully everything he tells you helps you feel more calm and like you know what to expect in this situation. once you arrive at home hyunjin is more than excited to show you to your room, and also take a moment to introduce you to kkami.

kkami mostly just barks and growls at you while hiding behind the kitchen table legs. it takes a bit of coaxing from hyunjin, your mom, and some treats they gave you to offer him, but kkami eventually comes out from underneath the table and carefully makes his way to you. and after a good amount of treats you're finally able to scratch under his chin for a few seconds before he hurries off to his dog bed next to the couch. that's okay, it's a start.

you and hyunjin decide to head back to your room to get the rest of your things unpacked while your parents work on dinner. to keep a conversation going hyunjin asks while handing you more hangers for your clothes," so (y/n), what do you like to do for fun? do you have anything you're passionate about?"

you're so glad he asked. you respond with a smile," well i'm pretty passionate about art. especially collage art. i have a few journals with me that i've already finished. i hope to get a new one soon to start in."

hyunjin looks at you with bright eyes and a smile matching your own," you like art too? i've been painting for a few years now myself. it's my favorite form of selfcare."

you stop your clothes-hanging process and ask," really? would you mind showing me some of your work? i could show you some of mine too if you'd like."

"yeah of course!" hyunjin says before hurrying off to his room to get one of his many sketchbooks. you can tell already that this is something you'll both be bonding over for a long time.

"oh yeah this is a sketch of my bandmate felix. i'm sure you'll meet him sometime soon- oh no wait! don't look at that part, i messed it up!!"

jisung: jisung is actually told about his parents adoption decision through his older brother during a call meant to catch up with each other. he's pretty shocked and decides to take the weekend off to go back home and talk about it with the whole family. once it's all talked through though, he's actually excited and not at all as nervous as he'd expect. he's really just excited to have a little sibling for the first time, especially a sister since he's only ever been around other boys. he counts down the days until you get here.

and the day you finally come home is full of excitement. luckily you match the energy and click with your brothers pretty quickly so the conversations and jokes keep flowing. you're particularly curious about jisung and his career as an idol though, so you end up asking him lots of questions about it. you listen curiously as he explains and the family jumps in now and again. it's pretty touching seeing how proud and supportive they are of him. you're already grateful to be a part of a family that seems so caring.

time goes by so fast and before you know it, you've been here for two years. you're happy to see jisung and the rest of stray kids grow in this time, especially in person whenever you get the chance. like tonight. well technically today since it's 1:12am.

you aren't feeling the best today because you just cannot fall asleep no matter how hard you try, and your bed just seems to get more uncomfortable with each toss. it's so frustrating you could cry. so you do the first thing you think of that would help: you call up jisung to see if you can head over to the studio. you've been told a number of times that you're always welcome there, after all.

"jisung-hyung? is it okay if i come over to the studio? i can't sleep, i feel like crying, and i just need to get out of the house right now. please?"

"yeah of course," jisung responds immediately," chan-hyung went out for snacks so he can pick you up on his way back. when you get here you can just relax on the couch."

"okay, thank you so much hyung."

thanks to him, once you're settled in the studio you eventually doze off on the couch to the sound of keyboard clicking and jisung talking about something regarding how they put music together.

"just listen to me talk about our process for a while. it'll probably bore you to sleep."

felix: felix has always had a great relationship with his sisters because he genuinely appreciates his role as a brother. so when he learns through rachael that his parents are in the process of adopting another little sister, he's so excited. not an ounce of anxiety in his body. as it'll likely take about a year to finish the entire process including bringing you to australia from another country, felix takes that time to save up money and plan out vacation time for the trip to australia he'll be taking the day you come home.

when that day finally comes felix flies over to australia, planning on staying for a full week. and when he arrives at the house he goes to you first and gives you a big, safe hug where you both sway side to side a little bit. you can't believe just how comforting his hug is and how similar it is to how your sisters hugged you when you arrived this morning around 2am.

"hi! it's so nice to finally meet you! it was so hard waiting an entire year for this day", felix says excitedly as he takes a step back to look at you.

you laugh happily and respond," it's nice to meet you too! thank you for coming all the way over here just to meet me."

"of course! i wouldn't have missed it for the world. are you already settled in?"

"actually, no. we were all so tired after i got here that we just headed to bed. i still have a lot of unpacking to do." you laugh again.

"oh yeah, that's understandable. well should we go do it now then?"

with the help of the entire family getting everything unpacked in your new room goes by pretty quickly. it's around lunchtime when you're all finished, so the family decides to head out for a celebratory lunch at their favorite diner. the drive is about twenty minutes long so to make it go by faster felix, rachael, and olivia take turns telling you different memories associated with the diner. for example, the time they went there after felix won two medals at a taekwando competition when he was 12. or the time they went there to celebrate rachael getting into college to study psychology.

now this is just another fond memory to add to the list.

"do you remember crying, rach? yes you absolutely did! i cried too! i'm not afraid to admit it!!"

seungmin: seungmin is surprised and ultimately confused when his parents call him up and tell him about their adoption plans. he thought him and his sister were trouble enough for them. but if it's what his parents want, he'll fully support them. he's not exactly nervous or excited. he's mostly just a little sad that his old room will be switched out for someone else.

the day you come home is just a little bit awkward. well to seungmin anyway. his parents and sister welcome you home warmly, telling you just how happy they are you're finally here. all the while he stands to the side watching everything unfold. once it's his turn to greet you however, he tries his best to smile wide and give you a hug. it's an odd middle ground of a side hug and full hug, but you don't mind it. despite how unsure he is of himself he seems very sweet.

after your sister shows you to your room and helps you put some of your things away, seungmin comes in and tries again to be as welcoming as he can by telling you a bit about how your room used to be his room. he then offers to show you his huge collection of old baseball cards. baseball isn't really your thing, but you can tell how hard he's trying to make you feel at home with something he's obviously passionate about, so you listen closely as you look at the cards he shows you.

"how long have you been collecting these?"

"um.. probably since i was about eight? a lot of these were my grandpa- oh! i mean, our grandpa's. yeah he likes baseball a lot too. we even pitched a ball together at a game once."

"oh really?! that's so cool. it must've been a lot of fun."

"yeah it was! it really inspired me to be a baseball player. well before becoming an idol, obviously."

"how did you go from baseball player to idol anyway?" you giggle.

and from there the conversation on the bedroom floor amongst all the litter of baseball cards went on for a couple of hours until your parents called you both for dinner. baseball still isn't your thing but it's definitely more interesting than you had initially thought.

"yeah there's a picture of it somewhere online. please don't, i look so awkward in it. it's when i still had to wear my glasses.. no don't!!"

jeongin: jeongin is pretty content (and honestly overwhelmed at times) having his two brothers. they may not show it publicly but they're all very close, and they try to spend as much time together as they can with jeongin's busy schedule and the eldest being in the army. so when they find out their parents are planning on adopting a girl, they're all shocked.

"she's not gonna get my room, is she?" asks yoon. "give her jeongin's! he's barely here anyway!"

it was a bit hard getting used to the idea initially but eventually they all come around to it. and the day you come home they're acting like their usual selves despite your parents warning them to act normal for once. they're teasing and playfully punching each other hard enough it could be heard from the room over. in that moment you realize it's gonna be really, really hectic having three older brothers.

and now, a year and a half later, it's still just as hectic if not more so now that you join in on the teasing. tonight your eldest brother isn't able to visit but jeongin is. so now you, jeongin, and yoon are all sitting on the couch playing mario kart. the living room is filled with the sound of mario kart music and pointless little jabs like "why do you always play as peach? that's so boring" and "have you ever actually picked up a controller before?"

"come on girls," you say without taking your eyes off the screen," stop fighting or we'll never finish the game." yoon lands a punch directly to your left shoulder.

jeongin pipes in," speak for yourself. i'm gonna win this game just like i've won all the others."

by the end of the evening, after multiple rounds and a meal on the couch that your very patient mother made for all of you, yoon actually comes out the victor much to jeongin's despair. and so starts another round of teasing and arguing.

"mom!!!! (y/n) called me a mama's boy!!"

[flower1622]

Hi 😊 i just wanted to say im sorry for all the bad messages you've been getting, on behalf of people who like annabeth. Shes been such an important character to me since i was a kid because we had kinda similar home lives and i was inspired by how strong she was and how brave she was to still keep putting her heart out there. It really breaks my heart to see people using her to justify sending you hate that you don't deserve. Annabeth gave me a lot of hope as a child but at the end of the day she isnt real and your opinions cant hurt her. Please dont feel like you have to change your views just because people are being nasty. I like you and i think you seem like a good person and no fictional character should ever get in the way of the respect we have for each other ❤ anyway have a wonderful day

Wow! I really liked this message! I didn't know how important Annabeth was to some people. I like that someone shared this with me. Sometimes, I feel really bad for all the things I may have said about her, but I still wish she and Percy could go to a therapy or something and make their communication better because I can't see her undersestimating him sometimes. I'm almost crying right now. But it's the truth. Many people think my page makes no sense or is such a hypocrite. They are right and wrong. As much as I hated Annabeth, I'm trying pretty hard to understand the character even though I end up showing my little dislike for her by the polls as someone commented...I still put her in the option of "another one". What is really funny is that these people don't like me but they don't block me or some even stalk my posts. That's kinda funny.

So, as an Annabeth anti or kinda anti, I'm sorry for all the bad things I said about her. I don't promise I won't say something bad later. I'm still human and make many mistakes. I used to ship her a lot with Percy. I always searched for Percabeth stories. Then I realized that sometimes she could give me a vibe that I didn't like...that person that knows it all and is superior to anyone else (I don't even like Hermione and many other characters because of this too). So, yeah! I'm trying not to mention her that much here on my page (trying... not that I will stop) and sorry for all the people that I hurt with my opinions and comments. That was never my intention. Now, I pratically became one of the most hated pages here. I will try not go by what other people are saying because I know that everyone has your point of view and we need to respect each other. So, if anyone wants to tell me about Annabeth's qualities, I'll be glad to read. I still have a heart, you know? 🤣. Maybe this will make me have more compassion towards her, like the one from the series did.

I'm sorry for my vent. I just needed to let it out a little bit too! Peace and Love! Thanks for the message. Few people like you and the others (who also respected and supported me) can make my day so much better.

[irondad-defensesquad]

looking after the little guy

Also posted on AO3.

This is the vent fic I mentioned. It's VERY personal and touch-starved, so might be OOC. I detail the reasons behind this story in the author notes on AO3. But it's nothing new from me, lmao.

--

He can’t sleep.

He might be half asleep, but the pain and his stuffy nose refuse to let him rest. Peter tries to fight them off for hours, only to wake up feeling worse every half an hour.

Groaning, though swallowing the urge to yell in frustration, he gets out of bed to head to the kitchen. Hopefully some hot chocolate milk might help, as Uncle Ben and Aunt May often made for him whenever he got sick.

Peter has no idea what time it is. Everything is pretty quiet… Tony must be sleeping, which is surprising, but it’s a good thing that he’s getting proper rest. And that’s why Peter shouldn’t bother him with this. So, he decides to make the hot chocolate milk for himself.

Problem is, Peter keeps forgetting what he’s supposed to get.

After he gets the glass, he paces for a while before seeing the glass again, and remembering that he needs a spoon. And the chocolate. The teenager tries not to lose his cool, even if it worsens his burning headache.

Finally, he prepares the chocolate milk and puts the glass in the microwave, automatically setting the timer. Peter leans on the counter for support, the bright light probably worsening his weighing forehead. Other than that, Peter feels sweaty and gross, so he takes off his hoodie. Only for him to feel cold all of a sudden, but he refuses to put it on again.

He forgot his phone in his room and he doesn’t want to go all the way back there to get it, so Peter spaces out. He might even feel like he isn’t here…

Eventually, he smells the chocolate milk. And he can still hear the microwave spinning it. How long has it been? A couple seconds? Hours?

When he checks on it, the milk is boiling and spilling everywhere.

“Shit!” Peter curses, immediately turning it off. He yelps when he tries to take the glass, which probably burns his hand. He’s so stupid, why didn’t he take a cup?

What a mess. He has to clean this before Tony sees it. Hopefully he won’t wake up anytime soon. Peter just wishes there wasn’t a fog blocking his brain, so he could do things right.

At the very least, the boy takes a dishcloth not only to get the glass out of the microwave, but also to clean what he can. He forgot to put detergent and a bit of water first, but whatever. Peter cleans the worst of the spilled milk and he throws the dishcloth in the sink for him to wash later (let’s hope he doesn’t forget to do that).

There’s only half of the milk left in the glass…

For some dumb reason, Peter wants to cry.

Because he’s sick? Because he wishes someone else made the chocolate milk for him? Because he misses someone doing that? Why? He’s not a kid anymore. He’s supposed to grow up and handle things himself. And he has no problem doing that.

Oh god, he’s crying. Stop it.

Great, now the snot is going to make everything more gross.

And he can’t stop.

Can someone hold him? Please? He just wants that. Someone to soothe him and reassure him he’s going to be okay.

He’s so pathetic.

“... kid?”

Peter didn’t even sense another presence in the kitchen. He only gives a quick glance to whoever is there. Tony is wearing pajamas (or basically an old t-shirt and sweatpants), and judging by his tone, he sounds tired but worried.

“Mr. Stark! D-Did I wake you up? I-I’m so sorry,” Peter apologizes, only feeling more like shit with his stuffy nose and him desperately trying to dry his tears.

“Are you sick? F.R.I.D.A.Y told me you’re having a fever.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Peter sniffs. “I’m handling it.”

“Peter…” Tony doesn’t have enough strength to lecture him. The boy can still hear it.

“I just… tried to make hot chocolate milk. And I messed it up, ‘cause I feel like shit.” The teen’s hands are shaking, so he puts the glass on the counter before he breaks it. He inhales to filter out the anger, but the tears are burning his eyes. “Like, at first it was just my dumb nose and then everything started aching, but I thought it would go away if I just slept it off. Spoiler alert, it didn’t! I can’t even breathe well. It’s like there’s magma inside me trying to erupt. It hurts. But all I can think of is that I couldn’t make my dumb chocolate milk, and I hate that I’m even angry about that!”

He almost breaks down, figuring it’ll just scare Tony more, or maybe annoy him since Peter is frustrated about something so small. Peter is just being a stupid, whiny kid. He aggressively covers his eyes, both to clean his soaked face, and to make everything shut the fuck up.

“It’s stupid. Stupid. Just- stupid ,” he growls. He sniffs louder this time, since his nose won’t cooperate. “I’m sorry I woke you up with this. It’s fine. You can go back to bed. I’ll just…” he trails off and doesn’t elaborate.

“And leave you sick?” Tony points out how absurd it is to leave him here.

“Maybe, I dunno.” Peter crosses his arms, staring at the floor instead. Anywhere but Tony.

Despite this, the man doesn’t leave. He contemplates, then he approaches Peter slowly.

“I’m not gonna ignore your pain, kid,” Tony insists.

Peter remains avoidant. Though it’s like his mentor is reading him like an open book. Like he has the exact experience to handle this. The teen freezes when he feels two arms gently rubbing his, as if trying to warm them up. Tony must’ve noticed his trembling.

“You can call me when you need me,” the older man reminds him, not in a way to make Peter feel stupid.

“I-I’m not even supposed to get sick anymore. And I’m fifteen, I shouldn’t expect someone to babysit me.”

“Well, kid, superheroes get sick like everyone else. Thor did, Bruce did… even Cap did.” This time, Peter briefly looks at Tony, catching the resentment and grief in his expression. They’re replaced by tenderness. “They’re not stupid or weak for getting sick, and neither are you. And yeah, when we’re sick, we can’t handle things a ‘normal’ person can. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Tony still rubs Peter’s arms, until he squeezes both of his shoulders to reassure him he’s here and Peter’s pain is valid.

“Besides… it’s nice when someone does something kind for us, right? Even something as simple as hot chocolate milk.” Tony smiles, albeit with melancholy. “And I’d be more than glad to do that for you, because it’s important to you, and you’re important to me.”

His thumbs gently soothe Peter’s shoulders, which makes the boy release the tears more naturally, even if he tries not to. This gentle attention, the patience, the careful touches… this is what Peter wanted this whole time, right? This is what he’s been missing?

Peter starts sobbing, bawling. His chest hurts more than anything, more than the fever. When the calloused hand reaches the back of his neck, it pulls him close and Peter embraces it. He doesn’t want to get Tony sick, of course, but he can’t help clinging to his mentor and crying harder because of it. Tony rubs his back up and down, and it’s all so overwhelming. Peter feels so relieved to have this, but he also won’t stop mourning the fact he hasn’t had this in forever.

The loneliness, the longing… they’ve always been here. The sickness makes it all the more intense. Peter hates how clingy this feels like, and yet Tony doesn’t complain at how long it’s taking for the former to calm down. The latter even rocks both of them side to side.

Peter slowly quiets down to shaky breaths as Tony smooths his hair. The man hasn’t said anything this whole time. Peter realizes his shoulder is soaked now, probably filled with snot and tears.

“Sorry I got my germs on you,” the teen mumbles.

“It’s alright, kiddo. Everyone needs a good cry.”

Of course, Tony isn’t mad about it. He gazes at Peter with all the attention in the world. Concern is still there, sure, but he looks more relieved.

“Alright… I’ll get you some chocolate milk, then I’ll see if I have some enhanced medication ready for you. If not I can just make some, won’t take more than ten minutes.”

Peter snickers, “How are you so fast?”

“Well, I’m just that awesome.”

The teenager just rolls his eyes.

“You wanna go back to your room or you wanna stay on the couch?” Tony suggests.

“Couch.”

Peter can walk fine, so Tony rushes somewhere, only to be back with Peter’s pillow and blanket. After that, Tony makes the chocolate milk in no time, carefully handing him the cup.

“Careful,” the man warns him. Peter takes a sip. “How is it? Good?”

Peter hums, pleased. “Amazing.”

“Yeah.” Tony ruffles his hair. “I’ll be right back, okay? Call me if you need.”

“Okay.”

Obviously, Peter doesn’t mention it with how much Tony helps, but he does miss Tony while he’s gone. He already misses his presence and the soft touches. He’s definitely being needy, so Peter just stays quiet, ignoring his uneasiness.

Thankfully, Tony keeps his promise and returns with a pill and a glass of water that he got from the kitchen.

“This one should help with your fever. And luckily it’s also decongestant. You might feel sleepy,” Tony describes. He hands Peter the pill for him to take it, then the water to swallow it. Feels like taking any other normal pill, really.

Peter goes back to his chocolate milk, feeling its warmth inside him, which isn’t the bad kind like he was feeling earlier.

“If you feel any other side effects, you let me know. If you don’t feel better by tomorrow, we’ll figure things out, okay?” Tony smooths Peter’s hair, less teasingly.

“Okay, Mr. Stark.” Peter tries not to melt at the touch. He feels so embarrassed about his clinginess.

He finishes the chocolate milk all too quickly, because it’s just this good. Maybe it’s because Tony made it. Peter has some good memories of the past, of when things were fine, and he felt loved… times when he didn’t screw things up.

The bad spiraling thoughts are going to consume him again, and Tony seems to detect it since he stretches an arm for Peter to lie down against him. The teen just gives in and relaxes with Tony holding him. He can sense his mentor smiling at him in the meantime.

“Hey, kid?”

“Hmm?” Peter looks up.

“Whenever you feel bad in any way… you can always count on me.”

“Okay.”

“And when you need a hug, you can tell me, too.”

Peter blushes, not just due to the fever. “You… don’t mind me being clingy?”

“Of course not. I once read that the recommended amount of hugs per day is eight. For maintenance, at least. And twelve for growth.”

The boy snorts. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah. But you definitely deserve more hugs, kid.”

“I guess so.”

Tony squeezes him a little, without it being suffocating.

“... I really hope I don’t get you sick, Mr. Stark,” Peter sighs.

“As long as this makes you feel better, I don’t mind, Pete. No one deserves to be sick and be left alone.”

Again, it seems to come from experience.

Peter doesn’t ask for more details.

He does want to apologize again for interrupting Tony’s already wild sleep schedule. But he knows Tony won’t mind.

“Thanks,” Peter says instead.

Tony adjusts the blanket so it covers him more properly.

“Of course, kiddo.”

It could be a plethora of things. It could be the chocolate milk that always calms Peter down. It could be the blanket. It could be Tony cuddling him, making sure nothing is going to tear them apart. It could be his patient words. Or all of these things combined. Either way, Peter is drifting off to sleep, knowing Tony will be here in the morning.

That’s really the only reminder he needs.

[starburstfloat]

Opening Sequence Lyrics Analysis

I recently spiraled anew revisiting TXT's discography like an analytical madman (a real treat!), and wanted to spew my thoughts on minisode 2: Thursday's child into the void of tumblr because nothing brings me greater joy than deconstructing naive self-destructive protagonists who place themselves into a pit of despair. If that sounds like something you want to indulge in too then hey hey welcome for the ride!

When revisiting minisode 2, it was impossible to ignore the genius that is the first track, Opening Sequence, and so I'm dedicating an entire analysis post to just this song.

One of the reasons that Opening Sequence is phenomenal is because it establishes the tone for the rest of the album and sets the stage for the following songs (you could think of it, like I do, as a powerful opening chapter for a book).

The main reason why I am so impressed with this track is that we get to witness our narrator shift from a point of mere sorrow and despair to full on disillusionment and resentment. Classic unreliable narrator and a chef's kiss to deconstruct.

I've already talked extensively about unreliable narrators in past analysis posts but if you don't know, unreliable narrators provide a perspective to the story that isn't wholly accurate. This isn't necessarily an advertent choice. Perhaps the narrator does indeed think that they are telling a story truthfully, but often their anger, sorrow, or heightened emotional state reveals cracks in the narrative. Something is missing, and it's usually honesty.

What's really creative with Opening Sequence is the narrative structure of the song that highlights just how disillusioned our protagonist grows to become (txt villain era woot woot).

Let's break it down!

At the beginning, Soobin talks about a breakup and how he is caught up in that painful moment. He is looping this moment in his head like a never-ending sequence:

These opening lines are critical in establishing our protagonist's mindset. We see someone who is grappling with change, and with a heavy heart at that.

A scene like this typically evokes empathy, and indeed on first and second listen you do genuinely feel sad about his pain.

The narrator goes from cycling through the pain of his breakup to then entering the first chorus with a repetitive cry begging for a second chance:

It is here that the audience recognizes the first signs that this narrator may not be a reliable lens to see the story because he's a little unstable.

How can we tell? The repetition here is the giveaway.

Repetition is a rhetorical technique that acts as a hyperbolic device to accentuate feelings. He could have just said all of that one time, but saying painfully and stay for me several times adds an emphasis and undeniably centers the audience on the emotions captured in each line. In this case, we recognize a pleading tone - a boy facing rejection and attempting to negotiate.

It's hard to trust characters whose account of events are so intricately tied to their self esteem and self worth. Does he really want a second chance? Or is this now something personal that he needs to vent to an audience, unaware of how self pitying he actually looks?

As the song continues, we witness the narrator slowly losing his composure. Soobin's line in the chorus hints at this tonal shift:

You in the faded film, your gaze that erased me

Here he frames the ex-lover as the reason for his plight: you are the one who erased me . Moments before he was begging for another chance. It's classic manipulative ex material: projecting sadness and weakness into bitterness and resentment - anywhere to place the blame than acknowledging the reality and finality of the breakup.

The second half of the song carries over with the tonal shift when Beomgyu asks:

Why'd you laugh?

His voice is more assertive now, hurt and scathing. It's also at this point that we notice our protagonist is becoming more scattered and less focused. He mentions a calendar that's taking a step backwards and that it's "driving me crazy". Even our narrator recognizes he's sort of spiraling and yet he feels he cannot stop it. If this wasn't enough, we see Soobin contriving a narrative that his ex deceived him:

He's trying to make sense of his pain but in doing so he's simply creating a story that alludes to his ex-lover being at blame.

The song reaches an absolute highlight during Taehyun's bridge:

The transformation from hurt to disillusioned is complete here. Taehyun goes from being in pain to fully evolving that pain into anger and resentment and reaching an epiphany: fine, if you want me to be the bad guy in this situation, I'll be your bad guy. If it weren't clear enough just from the vocals, he emphasizes this point even more by repetitively saying blame on me.

We know he doesn't actually think he's done anything wrong. It's all rather caustic and bitter.

And the chef's kiss? The choreography here. Right as Taehyun starts to break out of his despair, the members collapse on the floor around him, scattering lifeless before curling in on themselves, seemingly in pain.

As Taehyun finishes his part, they lift themselves up like from the grave, reborn into a new persona. Might I add that even Yeonjun's closing "oh yeah" has a devious ring to it.

Our narrator has accepted his fate, that he cannot get his ex lover back, but he can destroy the previous version of himself to escape from reality a little longer. Sound familiar? Oh yeah, guess what the next track on the album is: Good Boy Gone Bad.

Do y'all see how insanely clever this narrative setup is? It flows with such ease throughout the album. And that was literally just me rambling about ONE SONG!! THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT HERE IT DRIVES ME CRAZY anyway I hope any of this made sense and I'd appreciate any insights you all have from this album or this song!

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

TW VENT

TW D*ATH THREATS, S*ICIDAL THOUGHTS, TRAUMA AND ABUSE

I JUST FEEL I NEED TO GET THIS OUT BEFORE GOING OFFLINE

Alright so…I think I am gonna go offline again for another long while, go back into hibernation. I was feeling good at first being back but I can’t help but feel anxious atm. Nothing bad happened to me (surprisingly), but I can’t help but always worry if I may somehow make a fool of myself or mess things up again. I actually did find out whilst scrolling through old onward posts that some of the girls who gave me a hard time had deactivated their accounts. I feel a bit safer in that regard. But it just sort of feels too good to be true you know? I can’t help but feel like there’s a danger looming somewhere.

Idk if it’s just my anxiety, trauma or if my gut is telling me something.

Before I go I just wanna say a few things. Thanks for showing me some support. I know I am not perfect, I am far from it. I have a horrible habit of overanalysing things and getting worked up for little to no reason. For that I am sorry and I am so so so sorry if I ever made any of you worry or even hurt any of you if I ever have any of my bad panic attacks. I have a terrible anxiety disorder, I am not using it as an excuse but just to try and explain myself. I am doing my best to get better and have finally found some therapy and new medication to help.

However I will say there have been times where my meltdowns were necessary, such as when I got called horrible names and got d*ath threats and saw posts with rumours about me or posts calling me “A disgusting freak who should get fucked.”. I think those ones are worthy of crying over because honestly who wouldn’t, anxiety or not? You would have to be inhumanly strong to feel nothing when dealing with all that.

I have a lot of trauma, even before the few mean girls on tumblr in the Onward fandom. I had been stuck in an abusive platonic relationship for a year and the falling out was rough. She got super vengeful and almost destroyed my life in ways I won’t get into. I had people I looked up too suddenly gaslight me and make fun of a scared teenage me who was seeking help when I felt suicidal. Literally an ENTITE fandom harassed me nonstop. I selfshipped with another character before but a lot of people were angry at me for that. They were so obsessed with their own ships that they saw me as something of an eyesore getting in the way of the ships they like, so they bully me for self shipping with him. Some even tried to manipulate me into self shipping with another character who I had no feelings for and giving up on my fictional ex so he can be shipped with another canon character. My abusive friend tried to do that with me and far worse constantly. The onward fandom actually really supported my self ship for the most part. I have nothing to do with that old fandom anymore but it did turn up on my dash and it was more of the same sort of old chaotic drama. It is literally the most toxic fandom on the fucking planet and it destroyed my love for that show. Hell, I even started blocking any blog related to it I see just to help myself feel safer! Part of why I did deactivate my old DA account was because I wanted to get away from all that. I did have a few fans who wanted me to keep drawing for it but I got threats almost daily as well. I wanted to focus on Onward but many didn’t exactly respect that. There was a lot more to why I deactivated but that’s the gist of it.

I won’t get into more details but you can probably understand where I’m coming from with all this. Trauma and an anxiety disorder don’t mix well AT ALL!

If I had to guess I think that is why I am still so fearful of being online. I fear something will go wrong. Either if it’s another bully or if I make another mistake.

I want to apologise to anyone if I have been annoying, stupid or anything like that. I am doing my best to recover and learn to cope with my mental health bit by bit. I just hope you can understand, forgive me and enjoy your life.

I am still drawing and writing as much as I can while offline. So when I do eventually come back it’s gonna be like an explosive of content from me LOL

I kinda feel like it helps too, it’s so it’s not like “when’s the next part coming, when’s the next part coming?” If I already have the next part ready and in the works. Idk, I’m just trying to figure out how to share my artwork while still managing my mental health.

Sorry for randomly venting, I just really really feel I needed to get it out there desperately. Again, thanks so much for showing me support!

I am definitely fucked up in the head but I am doing my best to move forward, it’s just kind of slow is all but it’s better than nothing right?

[glitchyk]

Glitchyk Fun fact of da day

I’m berry eepy so it may be a lil bit of a shite post yaayyyyyy

Uh.. fun fact, I write a lot when I’m brrod and I just make random shuidyyrt. Fuck. Why is it when I need yuo bill you font fucking do your job

Fuck you bill

Anyways eh brain go brrrrd bery very offten

Brain go brrrr and I make a ton of stories and shir that I than work on all at once

I guess I like to keep busy, have many things to be able to bounce off of for when I’m making things, so that if I get a slight block with one, than u can bounce to another and work on that

Slight/lil bit vent below the cut

And I guess another childhood fun fact since whythe fuckn ot. So, when I was a child I fro some reason was very morbid as we all knos, and at like a young age I could sorta be able to think to myself, like at kindergarden age, “Man… it’s weird, it feels like everyone hates me, when I know they don’t.. but why do I feel like they do if I know they don’t..?” and it’s something I never worked on, since I didn’t want to bother anyone in my house, I’d rather sit and do nothing at all. It’s fnny how I realize my parents didn’t know everything we did as kids when I was very kittle, like when I told them about how back when we went to church, I used to get bda thoughts every night and I remember just being in tears praying that when I disappear my family will forget o existed since it would be for the better of them. U mean… u didn’t think I’d be missed much if I did die, I never wanted to get hurt or kms, but I always had the mindset of ‘well if I dei, I can’t do nothing about it, but I know it would hurt people I know.’ It didn’t help that I didn’t have much emotions as a kid, I can only ever remember crying, or being mad, aside from just a little bit of agitationsince like, I have six siblings and I’m near the middle, it was really hard to feel like you could do anything. Maybe that’s why I’m just so negative about myself, since my older brother is an artist, I have two older sisters who are cyber soecilists, my oldest sister is great at everything, and meanwhile while pretty much everyone has something that makes them a individual that stands out, but I don’t, I’m just an odo mix of all of them, and I feel like I’m not nearly as good as any of them. Maybe that’s why I feel the need to make so much, because so kind, and to always have these ‘perfect or nothing’ inner thoughts.

Everything’s much better, but it sucks how things used to be. At least it shows how great everything is with my family now.. mostly

Plz don’t ask me ably anything I say right now I’m so eepy and ired that m jus eep typing

Sleeping

Sleep typing

Fuck toy bull

Fuck YOU BILL.

Mmmmhhhhhhhh

I go eep now since it’s ✨✨11:50 at night✨✨

[smolghostbot]

GT July: Cursed / Melancholy

Yep, a second Melancholy, it was too good to resist. ... Honestly this... isn't even really a G/t piece since Melody doesn't even interact with Patch until the literal last sentence... but I felt like it was important to me to make a piece that goes into Mel's motivations. So many of the writings this month have had Melody just be the solution to Patch's problems, but honestly Patch is also the solution to hers, in a way.

(It was also kind of a vent piece. Both Patch and Mel have parts of myself in them, after all.)

This is technically an interquel between the full story's Spring and it's epilogue, which sets up their relationship for Summer. (Not that this means anything to people right now)

Word Count: 700 Character bios in my pinned post CWs: Vague reference to transphobia, and a lot of negative self-talk.

========

Was what happened yesterday real? Surely it was. Wouldn't be the first time Melody had driven somebody away… but definitely the worst. That may have been the universe's gift, a glimpse into a magical other world, and she squandered it.

Putting her phone away, she got out of bed and tried to stretch the regret away, to pretend like she hadn't accidentally kidnapped some kind of little fae by being… herself. The memories rushed back, her accidentally hurting him, bringing him inside without asking… trapping him in a misguided attempt to help… if she wasn't so… overbearing, and obnoxious, and rude-

Knock it off, Mel, no spiraling.

Mel sighed and walked into the main room. There was a morning routine to do. They went to the kitchen, got some water, and walked over to the shelves of plants. These plants understood her. Greeting each one, they gave them a healthy drink and checked for any dead leaves.

It was a lot of work, keeping so many plants alive in a place as soulless as a dim city apartment, but truthfully, they needed it. Having that little bit of green in her life was as close as she could get to an escape from the mundane as she could get. At least… aside from him…

Maybe they could find him and apologize? Nah, what would the odds be, he probably ran miles away after what they did. Sighing, they continued getting ready for a boring day at work. On her way out, though, she couldn't help but to place an apple slice in the flowerbed where she first saw the little stranger. Just in case.

They paid no mind to the missing apple slice when they came home. Probably a rat took it, or a bird, or something. But the next morning, they still found themself leaving another one. Just in case.

After a few days, the apple just became a part of the routine. Wake up, water plants, apple slice, go to work, come home, sleep. It's not like there was anything else to be doing. At the library, she kept the loneliness away by researching, desperate to figure out anything about the stranger she met. At the least, he proved there was something out there, even if Melody would never see any of it, since she was too awkward, and overbearing, and pushy, and weird, and-

Knock it off, Mel, no spiraling.

Finally, the weekend hit. As they had been all week, they left the apple slice in the usual spot. Going inside, they spent the day doing their usual. Reading, watching TV, anything to feel less… isolated. But that was the story of their life, really. Isolation. The joys of not having any friends, or family… Her eyes glanced over to the little trans flag sitting in one of the flowerpots, but she quickly took a deep breath and tried to not think of that. 

The last thing I need is to cry about the past.

Sure, their coworkers were cool with her, at least enough to be polite, but they weren't really friends. As far as Melody was concerned, all of their friends were in here, the plants and books. Actual friends were for people with social skills, people who didn't ruin every relationship they came into contact with like a social plague.

Well, with the afternoon free, and the boredom of isolation starting to set in, they could at least get some chores done. Gathering the trash from throughout the apartment, they headed to the apartment's dumpster, back in the alley. As she took in the dark, monochrome alley, the very image of the mundane and boring life in the city, she noticed something moving. Probably just a rat…

But wait… that's definitely not a rat, unless the rats around here learned to use little denim backpacks… Oh.

What should she say? Would he hate her? He should. Is he going to run? Probably. She would run too if she was being stared down by such a giant, careless, awkward, weird-

Knock it off, Mel, no spiraling.

"Oh, Patch! I, uh… hello."

[tlrvakarian]

Friends! I haven’t been active on here for 3+ years, and I’m going to start being at least minorly active again, even if it just means venting or reblogging a few things. I won’t hold myself to any standards, just here to vibe.

Changed my blog name to tlrvakarian, I didn’t want to use my main name I have on all the other social media/gaming platforms, but it’s super similar, so this is a nice compromise. 

Since it’s been so long, I wanted to make a post of what’s gone on in my life. I’m friends with a lot of folks on other socials, but I know not all.

One of the biggest developments in my life has been my boyfriend Sam. I met him in July 2019, because I hired him to work for the music store, go figure, eh? The relationship happened naturally and outside of work, so no weirdness, all kosher here! We got together in March 2020, right before all the pandemic shutdowns. He has been nothing but good, nothing but a light, he means everything to me, and I am complete with him. I really never thought I would find someone like him, but boy did I luck out. Here’s a cute pic, it’s from last May, Sam’s hair is way longer now, but it’s one of my favs we’ve taken.

Sam moved in with me 2 years ago, and we’ve had our own apartment together for a little over a year. I’ve never felt so strongly about someone, and I’ve never truly loved someone like I love Sam. He is so charismatic, FUNNY, my god he’s so fucking dumb and funny, romantic, sweet, and sooo handsome. You guys would eat him up, he’s absolutely deranged, but in all the right ways. I am going to marry him, 100%.

Moving on from Sam, and to my career, I left my music store gig for about 11 months. Coming back from the pandemic shutdown in May 2020, they made changes I didn’t agree with, and I took them personally, so I left. I was also struggling mentally, and work was taking a massive toll on me. I took about 6 months off of work completely to work on myself, it was heavily needed. After that, I got a GM position at another company, put up with that for about 4 months, realized I was getting taken advantage of, beyond miserable, and my mental health was at a big low, so I quit. I reached back out to the music company (not naming names, you all know what company it is by now), and they took me back with open arms, and even gave me my Sales Manager position back. I’ve been back for over a year, and even though I could’ve been further along in the company by now if I hadn’t left, I’m glad I did. I had a lot of personal growth in that time off, and I am a stronger leader because of it. My work ethic is killer, but I’ve made a big effort to not bring work home with me as much. It still happens, but I’m nowhere near as mentally effected by it as I used to be. I cry from time to time, but I haven’t had a work-related panic attack since I came back, and that is HUGE progress for me. I still have my frustrations with this job, and people I don’t like working with, but that’s going to happen at every job, and it could always be worse.

Lastly, I have really come into my own with cooking and baking. I know I was sharing stuff to instagram which shared to here up until 3ish years ago, but nowadays I am absolutely fucking cracked guys. Like not to toot my own horn, but I have gotten sooooo good. If I can remember, I’ll be sure to start sharing food and baked goods I make here, not that the pics do it any justice.

Otherwise, life is about the same, I work, hang with Sam, get high, cook, bake, casually play video games, and chill with the cat. It ain’t a fancy life, but it’s enjoyable, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

[tryst-art-archive]

Before I put the dA descript, allow me to add the context that "Shout It Out" was an art meme that went around dA in late '07. The idea was to make vent art where you got the things you don't usually say out of your system, using a particular format.

To summarize: When I tried to do the Shout It Out meme, I short-circuited. I sat on this thing for months (which is evidenced in the archive, too) because I couldn't decide about putting the things I wanted to shout into the piece.

I remember I filled several pages of a large sketchbook with things to write into the piece. I haven't looked at it in a few years, but I remember the last time I did, it was pretty triggering stuff. It was very raw, and I was in a lot of (emotional) pain when I wrote it.

The choice to post this as a loud silence was very deliberate, although obviously I waffled about it. Whatever I may say in the description, the loud silence was supposed to be emblematic of how much I felt I couldn't say, for fear of upsetting the people around me or because I inevitably wouldn't be understood. In some cases, it was a physical inability. There have been many times when I've tried to express something vulnerable only to have my throat physically close up and prevent me from doing so.

I'm not going to look for the sketchbook write-up of what was supposed to be here, but I do have some of the notes digitized. A selection of those are below the cut.

But this is the most important one: "I almost wish I had been born a gay man; I don't know why."

"I HATE SCHOOL but I'm an HONORS STUDENT so I'll go to college anyway."

"I HATE MYSELF and have for a long time."

"I MAKE UP EXCUSES and BLAME OTHERS for my FAILURES and SHORTCOMINGS because I can't bear to shoulder the responsibility myself."

"I am FUCKING HORNY all the FUCKING TIME."

"I fear abandonment."

"I GAVE UP on art for the same reason I QUIT gymnastics and swimming when I was LITTLE; IT STOPPED COMING EASILY TO ME."

"I FEEL GUILTY about being UNHAPPY."

"I NEVER LOVED another person UNTIL I MET MARE; that's why she's my best friend."

"The PLAY Pippin SCARES ME BECAUSE IT DESCRIBES ME."

"I am convinced that I'm the only person who feels as I do despite all evidence to the contrary."

"I LIKE MEN, but I feel like no one knows it."

"I AM AFRAID TO POST THIS; I AM AFRAID TO WRITE IT DOWN. For every one thing I say, I have left 3 things unsaid."

"No one can "read" me. I put on so many acts and masks that I am not sure who I am or when I'm really being sincere."

"I am self-conscious about everything; I fear being disliked."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY 'NO,' and I KNOW that it will get me in trouble one day."

"I can't draw or write anything pornographic because it embarrasses me."

"I AM INSECURE, but nobody seems to know it."

"I WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THEM; Dying would be too easy."

"I AM EASILY OVERRIDDEN; I AM A DOG ON A LEASH"

"KNOW THAT WHEN I PROTEST, I AM FIGHTING MYSELF TO DO SO."

"PLEASE KNOW WHAT I WANT AND NEED because I cannot make myself say even if it's something as simple as a glass of water."

"I think that I will be a terrible mother. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A DAUGHTER."

"LET ME SLEEP UNTIL WE GET TO THE GOOD PARTS!"

"I MAKE THINGS HARD FOR MYSELF and I don't know why."

"I REFUSE TO LET PEOPLE SEE ME cry."

"I want you to think 'There is a girl who truly hurts, but, oh, see how she triumphs despite!' in admiration."

"I don't know what I'm going to do next year"

"I feel OUT OF PLACE with other people; that's why I'm antisocial."

"I DO NOT BELIEVE IN AN AFTERLIFE AND I NEVER HAVE not even when I was small."

"LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK, GODDAMIT!"

"I wish I were OMNISCIENT."

"I REGRET almost everything."

"I DON'T EXPECT TO EVER BE HAPPY, I ONLY HOPE I WILL BE."

"I LOVE VIDEOGAMES AND WISH TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR IT."

"I fear blindness, deafness, old age, balding, and becoming ugly. I fear forgetting."

"I almost wish I had been born a gay man; I don't know why."

"I like girly, pretty shoes. I never buy any because I know I'll wear them all of once if I ever wear them at all."

"I like songs that RELEASE ME."

"I have trouble expressing myself."

"I miss my childhood, but I also realize that I've romanticized it in my head."

"I believe people are basically rotten at heart."

"I HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS."

"Without people to say 'It's time for dinner,' I probably wouldn't eat just out of laziness."

"I'm afraid that I'm annoying."

"I’M SHY. I don’t do half the shit I want to.I’M A GOOD GIRL. I don’t do half the shit I want to.I’M A GOOD LIAR. So I get away with doing the half that I do do."

"iBottle."

"NO MATTER WHERE I GO, I FEEL LIKE I DON'T BELONG."

"I'm afraid to say 'I wish...' because I'm worried that my wish will come true."

[youwantedavillain]

Reva, the Screaming Banshee who Enables and Encourages Slander (part 2)

Continued from part 1....

Now pay attention, my dear readers, because this part is gonna be brought up later on! We have already talked about the fact that I am also a victim of stalking and dogpiling in real life by my IRL friends WHILE I was going through all this shit, so it’s not hard to assume and confirm that I have PTSD when it comes to situations like this. One beautifully tragic morning I had to go to one of my English classes, because surprise surprise, I’m a college student… who is trying to NOT to go into fucking debt by failing. Apparently Reva couldn’t comprehend this,... perhaps didn’t consider bothering in the first place. That morning I had woken up from a nightmare/memory of my Stalker pulling the whole demanding my attention thing during my history class when I was going for my Culinary Degree. Now, waking up from that… and having another boy demand my attention while I was going to English class for my Bachelors for English… well… It’s easy to say that the ‘ol demon of unbridled rage possessed me for a hot minute there. Then he ran off to bash me in a server that I didn’t know about… which is reasonable. I was being a total bitch and I do regret it, but what was the reason for that little demand of my attention?

He thought that I didn’t like him (I did a little bit, but I loathe him now), and he was big upsetti spaghetti because I didn’t complete our little art project with the ship kids that @felicitythekittycat supposedly loathes (it’s not like that art takes literal weeks sometimes months to complete depending on how much detail I put in, if I have homework, if my stalker isn’t demanding my attention every half a second etc.).

It’s also not like I’m scared of being screamed at while I’m already emotionally fragile to the point that a feather could break me.

Truly, I should’ve just given him ALLLLLLLLLLLL my attention.

Also, it’s not like he and @felicitythekittycat literally showed off my mental breakdown later on in that same fucking server for everyone to gawk at and make fun of me… making me the village idiot/joke/pathetic cartoon villain…. Again…..

And I’m the bad guy? Have we all agreed I’m the true villain here? 

(Side note from an emotionally exhausted me: The reason why @felicitythekittycat was supposedly crying that time was because I was trying to guess what version of Nightmare!Sans got its own server AT 1AM, and I'm an insomniac who at the time was in college for my Culinary Degree. Another note that must be made is now I finally know why he called me "one of the most disgusting people he ever had the displeasure of meeting". I find it EXTREMELY odd and disturbing that he continues to act concerned and wonders if I hate him and "unnerved" when I pretend like nothing is wrong when that is often what he and the others do in that server from my perspective. So, when he and the others do it, it's totally normal. But when I do it, suddenly there is a problem that needs to be pushed. During this time he actively knew I had a stalker, BTW.)

Oh, and also apparently, I’m not allowed to vent in my own server of a whole ass 6 people! Because it gets more people involved with a situation that they’re not a part of…. Now where have I heard that before? Hmmmmmmm, maybe we should scroll up this entire post and uh… see if we see something funny. Liiiiiiiiiiike hypocrisy!

This screenshot was about me making a display of taking down my art contest that I made for the server. It was a basic concept and looking back it may have been a bit TOO ADVANCED for the artists there at the time, but who’s to say. Several people, including @felicitythekittycat, were planning on “memeing” the contest, which was that they were gonna all submit the same picture just to be assholes to me. Now I was reasonably mad because one, I thought it was gonna be a fun little contest – it was basically this:

You have to draw a character that isn’t yours – it can be your friend’s, an anime’s, etc., thus basically it could be any character of your choice so long as it isn’t your OC – and you have to draw them in an outfit that is inspired by food. It could be inspired by the texture, the color, shape language, etc. So essentially you could make a piece of your best friend’s character in a suit that is inspired by Tiramisu if you wanted, specifically the colors it has, and thus give it to said friend as a gift.

Yeah, this was gonna be “memed” for…. What reason? I don’t know, other than the fact that I was the one that thought of it.

Here is the second reason why I was upset: There were PLENTY of other art contests similar to it without a single problem going on. My guess for the reason why Reva was so pissed was because he and his cocksucker posse were upset they couldn’t execute it and/or felt guilty for it. Maybe he thought it was funny too. However, a meme/joke is only funny if everyone is laughing,... and I wasn’t laughing.

You also see me being very submissive here… it’s because I didn’t want to get screamed at more. Plus, I was humiliated. It made me feel like it was a bad idea and that I was a bad person for even considering it. I still somewhat feel embarrassed by it. I do have reassurance that my ideas and emotions over this are valid, though it doesn’t do much to heal the damage that was done to my confidence. Again, showing the Emotional Manipulation and fear impacted my actions in this situation. 

The concept isn’t even that strange, there is a Gacha Game called Food Fantasy with this very aesthetic! This concept is very much to HAVE FUN. Hell, League of Legends has an entire skinline with this concept. The point of not doing your own character was to encourage camaraderie and push the artists to get out of their comfort zone by drawing characters that they haven’t done very often. It takes a whole lot of horrific talent to turn something all about fun and camaraderie into something to humiliate a single individual. It is extremely disgusting.

So what do we have here all together?

An Emotionally Abusive and manipulative individual based on the following:

A person who likes to jump into screaming fits, threats of violence, personal insults, and refusing to hear anything other than his own voice, having and abusing a position of power, refusing to be accommodating to a person's trauma, invalidating said trauma, actively tried to get a person to relive that trauma for his personal gain, gets upset over his concept of “peace” being disrupted, does zero self-reflection and constantly imposes unequal rules via a “Rules for thee, but not for me” mentality, refuses to apologize and then actively hides when called out on his bullshit... This is who Reva is. This is how he has ALWAYS BEEN and likely will always be considering that he is hiding right now because "he moved on", a.k.a. refuses to take accountability and actively chose to not let me move on via giving me the answers I so desperately wanted and needed to move on.

But here is where we round out all of this. As I’ve shown before, the vents that he has done were in servers that I had no knowledge of. This is how they were able to talk about me behind my back. He even knew about @felicitythekittycat’s vents. They were in two servers that I didn’t know about and likely had far more people than my little server. I’m guessing that they had anywhere between 10-15 people minimum, could be below or above that line. Blatantly showing that it is because I’m not giving him all my attention and art. He views me as a punching bag and for that, I’m not allowed to complain about anything in his eyes. It’s considered “drama” until it actively affects him when no… this isn’t drama. These are actual problems and real crimes one can be punished for. He doesn’t care that felicitythekittycat pushed me into suicidal ideation and he condoned that behavior by joining in on it, and though his active inaction because here is the kicker… he knew exactly what she was doing and refused to look at any of my evidence until the last minute when he had lost my trust long ago. There was no turning back from that. Especially when he revealed my mental/emotional breakdown to people far outside my trusted circle. That was NOT his pain to share. Anyone in their right mind would be ashamed for doing that much.

Reva, if you’re reading this, which I truly do hope you are, the reason why I never went to you for anything is because I was dealing with so much shit and I was very much wary of men in my life for many, MANY reasons that you have ignored repeatedly and because you started off our “friendship” with an attack. You actively reinforced my fear and wariness towards men. I am not going to pet a dog that tried to kill me when I first met it. I’m also going to be scared of its species, because guess what? That’s what traumatic experiences can do to people, you dumb fuck.

So instead of screaming at me for never going to your immature, unreliable ass for anything… try looking in a mirror and ask yourself if maybe screaming at people when you first meet them is really a good idea and looks good on you. Oh and also, you’d never be a good CEO of Twitter. You’d make Elon Musk’s work look like a paradise. You can barely help run a server for dumbass little roleplays or handle cases of slander, you’d legit run that company to the ground and blame a random Starbucks barista for it. The shit I complained about were legitimate problems, NOT drama. Learn to read the fucking room instead of assuming everything is out to chop your baby chode off with a pair of rusty scissors.

If legitimate slander that is affecting my mental health is what you consider “drama”, then I’d HATE to see what you consider a crime…. Oh wait… I have… because I am the crime.

Me existing is an illegal act to you.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you were waiting with bated breath for me to off myself…. In that case you can keep waiting, motherfucker.

You said me and felicitythekittycat need to improve ourselves. Out of context, that is 100% a fair and understandable statement to make, but when it’s your mouth it came out of, I wonder just how blind you are to your own self-centered, narcissistic bullshit. IT IS OBVIOUSLY MORE THAN A ME AND HER PROBLEM. A TWO YEAR OLD COULD FIGURE THAT SHIT OUT.

I had a temper problem and kept on drawing boundaries. Felicitythekittycat had a habit for crossing them and slandering me behind my back, activities that you actively participated in and perpetuated ON IN TWO OF JESSIRONI'S SERVERS (turns out there are two servers and not just one). It’s like getting mad at a dog for biting your leg when you were the one who kicked it in the first place. You brought in FAR MORE people than I ever did in EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SITUATION THAT HAD ME RELATED TO OR IN IT. But I only had a whole 6 people whereas those secret servers had…. How many spectators? How many participants? You have a whole ass “Rules for thee but not for me” mentality here.

I legitimately hope you never confessed your feelings to that secret someone to spare them the absolute plight of your company. Even imagining you in a relationship makes me want to shit in my hands and clap in your general direction.

Okay I need to talk here straight up because I know that I’ve been losing my cool this entire post and I need to really just sit down and say this. When I was still on relatively… I suppose decent terms with Reva – (I don’t know nor do I believe if I was ever on good terms with him) – I was legitimately terrified of being screamed at and dogpiled virtually at literally any moment. In a way it was worse online because no matter how much evidence I had of felicitythekittycat‘s lies and proof of my innocence, he wouldn’t even look at it, nor would VishaRage or Poke – the owner of said RolePlay server – and I would be left unheard completely. I know that the question of why I have so much evidence and yet never used it to prove my innocence to those who are in power, well this is why. I was never heard. None of them wanted to give me the time of day unless I were the villain time and time again. Why? Well I shit you not… the delivery. I would be sarcastic like “Oh wow I’m such a horrible person” and then give my evidence. They wouldn’t even glance at it. Not even a quick skim of any of the screenshots. Why was I so sarcastic and sassy? I was tired of getting dogpiled and overwhelmed. I was tired of walking on eggshells all day every day with no break from it. So it’s no surprise that I gave up, especially in the last conversation I had with him. In our last conversation, he claimed he was trying to hear my side AFTER I pointed out that he never once tried to hear me out. I told him I didn’t believe him and blocked him. To be honest, I’d love to meet the bastard in real life just to see if he’d actually try to kill me. I’d tell him to just do it, fucking get it over with. There is one sole reason why I think all of this shit happened out of malicious intent and I’ll reveal it at the end of all of this.

I had taken a long break from writing this post not simply because of the holiday but because of the sheer amount of anxiety I get from looking at the screenshots that are about him and all his verbal abuse and threats towards my person. Mind you, I’m used to hearing screaming. I’m used to being bullied, but there is a breaking point and he and felicitythekittycat took full advantage of it and kept sprinting onwards. Killing me would’ve been a mercy.

[angelwheat]

hihi! I saw your left 4 dead 2 headcanon post with the L4D1 survivors finding Bill as a zombie and I just absolutely fell in love with your writing! I could feel the angst of each survivor and it really shows within your writing!

However, I'm not here to request any sort of left 4 dead 2 headcanons, but rather a left 4 dead 2 matchup since I noticed you do those aswell! If you don't feel comfortable making a matchup, it's okay and totally no pressure! I'm hoping to try and shoot for Ellis since he's my favorite, but any other survivors will do aswell!

I'm a girl (a boyish-haired demigirl to be precise, but girl nonetheless) who lives in America, (around the northern part of it precisely) I'm still trying to figure myself out as I am beginning life as a young adult.

I'm a caring person, a little bit too empathetic due to my autism, but nonetheless I always try to be a shoulder to cry on for my friends or those close to me. There are times however where my anger will spike, mostly whenever i'm overstimulated or if I'm being protective of my friends, but often times I'm seen as caring, big-hearted, a little bit chaotic / goofy, and overall a good friend for those who need to vent.

Some of my interests revolve around art, specifically animation such as cartoons. Other than that, I enjoy video games, baking, playing with my dogs, or watching memes with my friends. Minor hobbies of mine include singing & dancing for fun!

(Again, it's no pressure if you do not wish to do this, and I apologize in advanve for all of this infodump. I hope you have a great day / night!)

no need to apologise dearie. i'm more than willing to answer your request :3

-

I match you with... Ellis!

You share some similarities with regards to personalities. Ellis becomes very friendly with you immediately.

He ultimately resonates with you when you feel that you haven't quite found your way yet. Except he doesn't ponder on it too much. He's just living his best life and would tell any other to do the same. Which may, or may not, be the best advice.

Both being empathetic people means that you're brilliant at being there for one another when needed. Except Ellis is a little bit more awkward and sometimes unsure when it comes to comforting someone. But nonetheless he means well.

You connect very well with interests. Ellis loves video games and art, much like you do. He's always up for playing games with you. He would also love to see your artwork. He also sketches from time to time and will happily share some of his work too.

He adores hearing you sing, or seeing you dance while you're happy. It puts a smile on his face to see you enjoying yourself. He can't help but compliment you if he hears you singing.

Being the caring, big-hearted person that you and Ellis are, means that's there's plenty love and friendliness between you. But the chaotic goofiness means that you can also get up to plenty fun and mischief together. It's certainly never a dull moment with Ellis.

[ultimateearworm]

Feel the need to make a massive vent post since its been about four months since my breakup. But in all actuality I think I just want to keep it private from now on. So this is where I’m at today:

I’m still healing, I will admit I am holding on to memories and some photos, his number is still in my contacts but I deleted our text conversation. He is blocked, but I have not removed him from that blocked list because that feels…scary. Not that he would be aggressive but it just feels like I would fall apart if I did it. As silly as that sounds.

The urge to talk to him is still here and being followed by a recently created blank blogs make me nervous that he’s watching me or something. To this day if he ever wanted to be I would be open to a conversation.

Healing:

I am trying to be the best person I can be for myself. People come and go and I do appreciate the time I have with them and what I can learn from knowing them. I try to make everyones day and spread love more than before because I know sometimes you just really need someone to ask you how your day was or how you are doing. As simple as it can be. Although I give a lot of myself to those around me, I am also working on having firm boundaries with people who drain me a little to much. I refuse to have my emotions played with again. I dress up and put makeup on just because I feel like it. I take care of my pets that I love and sometimes I genuinely wonder if I could just be single on a farm with a few good friends to go out with on the weekends. But I know that craving to have a companion, to love someone, be comfortable and understood will eventually come around again and who knows what will happen. I’m not giving up on love, I am simply choosing peace after having my love neglected I suppose. Building a routine is also helping me, I give myself time to grieve the past if needed be and time to be creative when I need that to.

Advice I have to others:

When they say Rome was not built in a day they mean it. Breakups are super tough, but know that what you’re experiencing at least a dozen other people may have experienced your exact situation. There are seven billion people on this earth and you are not alone. But feel those emotions, cry and scream if you need to. Talk to someone, even if its a person on the internet (I know sometimes talking to a stranger about the situation is easier just be careful, I’m here if anyone ever needs to vent). You are stunning and worthy of love. Learn from the breakup, experience it, take care of yourself, foster new and old relationships, and watch yourself grow. It will pass as all things do, and months down the line you may not even remember them (Hey, I used to be scared of this to. But in the long run its the decision that was made, when one of you split you made the decision to forget the other. Thats what our memories do over time. Interpret that however you would like). And most importantly know that you have time. You have time to accomplish this healing process and get into another relationship once you feel comfortable (dont hop into one right after the breakup, rebounds will only hurt you worse in the end). You have time to find the person you are meant to be with. It probably will not be someone you expected, and thats okay. You also have time to accomplish goals and experience your life. 100 years can go by fast but think of all the things you have experienced up to this point that made you who you are today, good and bad. You did that shit. You got through those dark times and you will get through this one too. You are stronger than you think and there are great things out there for you