#but i hate that im living in a world where its alright if youre ‘ugly’ as long as youre not fat | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jxpcloud · 2 years

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sad nerd that complains alot (manuscript)

(main cam-right infront of me) i didnt think i had a future

(far off) that was sad and we arent even five seconds in

(main cam) okay yeah fair

( far off) make a joke

(main cam) *dramatic silence* your mum...im so sorry

i wont lie i am no where near whatever a complete life is and feeling completely satisfied with myself i dont even know who i am and what im living for and yet i am dawned with the fact i need to live and become something. okay so thats bullshit right? im seventeen and any adult will completely dismiss my feelings for i am just a child. and i am, im scared to talk to srangers and get anxiety cross the road. i still hold my dads hand

(far off) thats because you have issues

(main cam) the point is im a child and a "mid life crisis" is something i have been told im no where near. but im also forced to get a job and drive a car and i have to actually think about my future. by the way 17yo should not be on the road most dont know the difference between their, there and theyre and barely look whie crossing the road and youre trusting your life with them? no thanks thats too much for me. so what am i feeing? well just the exerstential dread that my life wont amount to anything and everything i do is completely useless. im not insainly good at anything nor a child prodagy and i need medication in order to function cause this happens when i dont

(imput me chopping off my hair)

(far off) that was dumb

(main cam) im just trying to do something creative while i feel like my world crumples around me and channel something interesting....maybe

a guide to being happy from a sad nerd that complains alot

firstly take your meds

(far off) you are a mess without them

(main cam) like the true incel i am i dont know what true happiness is, i get that seritonin from seeing cute cats online or post nut i dont really feel happy ever *long puse* christ that was dark. anyway wiki how is a great place it comes with pictures *moan*

creating a positive mindset

*while i talk create a comfy bed setting* view your mind like a home, not so much as a mind palace like the hippy dippy inspirational people say but like a cozy atmosphere. youd want it to be comfy and happy filled with cuddly soft teddies and fair lights and its fragil. then a boldozer kinda just kills it and thats every negative self talk "im ugly, im gross, they hate me, im never going to do anything in my life, i am the worst" you spent so much time building your little home for yourself to ruin it. you can re-build. what i was told when i was younger was that those sort of things make you stronger, like when you were too little to be mean or hurt yourself but others did, they were the ones ruining your little home, maybe it did make you stronger, maybe you were able to re-build better than before. but maybe you didnt want to, you didnt care and now that your older you still dont care and your the one hurting yourself. i think it takes alot to truly admit you are the cause of your own sadness. be nice to yourself, you woke up, its enough.

(far off) that was sappy

(main cam) its weirdly important, and once you maybe clean up your cozy mind palace youll clean your physical space *rips blankets to reveal cups and plates* it was a mistake getting a bigger bed i can just hide things now

(far off) you are disgusting

(main cam) no i am healing *please dont do this purposely there is a weird smell*

being your best self

(main cam) what the ever loving fuck does that mean. my best self? the best self my friends want? the facade i put on at family gatherings? or truly accepting myself for who i am

(far off) obviously that one

(main cam) listen, not to get too trauma dumpy, i dont know who i am. this has been the stuggle for a while. what makes me me? how am i a person? how do i have thoughts and feelings as a clump of cells aimlessly floating around and drinking an unhealthy amount of caffeen alright what is that. sometimes it scares me that i am infact a human with thoughts and feelings cause i spend so much time pusinging them away that when my own cat decided to cuddle with me the overwheling amount of feelings is not normal. im the one you chose? you want to be with me? my presence makes you happy? this is safe to assume it doesnt just go for my cat but here we are. anyway, what makes me me, in order to accept it, i need to understand it. to put it simply, im not a girl, big shock, im also gay, bigger shock. men MMMMM but when im a man MMMM the gender euphoria chef kiss man muwah that shit good. what else is there? our society is so obsessed with sex and gender and dont get me wrong im proud to be surrounded by queer activists cause its important but who am i? who are you? who is anyone but npcs just kinda existing in my fabricated world ive cuccooned myself in.....but i have a cool ass sword so am i better than you?yes unless you have two cool ass swords

(far off) you scumbag

(main cam) im not here to tell you who you are or what you like. you may not even know it but deep down you get excited by bubbles, or that game youre weirdly obsessed with or maybe you have an actual hobby that makes you go outside, nether the less its there, obvious or not you are a person on this earth and you will enjoy something even if its my little pony porn i dont know but you like something. and to be your best self just chill and do more of what you like cause honestly if you dont like it its not worth it, life is too short. dont make it shorter, learn from someone who tired...i havent found happiness yet but i deserve to take up space and use it however i want, im living out of spite for the moment, whatever works

live your truth

socail media is a great place, but it influences how you feel, after touturing myself online for years i have finally accepted this. it is self destructive behavour to look at things online and be sad. does this mean im going to quit the internet and live my truth in a little forest and be the goblin boy ive always dreamed of no i like it too much and honestly my sensory issues could not with dirt, i need a weighted blanket to sleep i am quite needy. but living my truth means social media breaks arent jsut things for children. and maybe going to sleep at a normal hour and stop playing so much video games and go outside but one step at a time. i want to truly make myself feel happy and doing the mundane tasks that come with that which i do often neglect. due to poor mental helth, wich circles back to having poor higene and makes me feel crappy and its an endless loop really. but whats important is that you woke up today and really thats what matters

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howisavedtheworld · 3 years

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there is no feeling better than this | tsukishima kei

genre: VERY FLUFFY, like hk tooth-rotting fluff, tsukishima kei x fem!reader, established relationship

warnings: curse words scattered in there somewhere, kei being a total simp for you and helping you bleach (dye??) your hair, other than that i cant think of much! just a really cute late nite moment

a/n: i havent posted in a while so hi its me again heres some fluff <3 fun fact: when i first watched haikyuu in like 2016, tsukki was my favorite character. also pls send requests im running out of scenarios to write abt with my pea brain

wc: 844

“fuck it, i’m dyeing it.” you announce to kei while soft sounds of morning birds travel through the living room window.

it was an impulse decision: granted, you were running on nothing but adrenaline, having spent the entire night surveying diy hair dye videos with your boyfriend by your side.

he stares at you, eyes skeptical before shaking his head.

“you know, you’ve said that a hundred times.”

“well, this time, i’m serious! and i’ll do it by myself!” you exclaim, walking over the bathroom where the various bottles of store-bought hair dye, bleach and developer are scattered. “in a little bit, you might not even recognize me. mark my words.”

he snorts from the living room couch. “well, if it looks ugly, i’m leaving you.”

you roll your eyes, sliding on a pair of latex gloves to mix the ammonia-scented chemicals together to lather on your head.

you’ll prove him wrong.

at least you thought you would.

20 minutes later, you sprint into the living room, eyes welling with tears of frustration. “kei, i need your help. i can’t see if i’m getting the bleach in the right spots in the back and it’s stressing me out. can you do it, please?”

“oh?” he blinks and pushes his frames up to the bridge of his nose, eyes narrowing.

“what happened to ‘i can do it by myself’?” he mocks you, although getting up to follow you back to the bathroom.

truth be told, tsukishima hates seeing you upset, especially if he can easily salvage the situation. whether it was helping you find the word that was on the tip of your tongue, or zipping up a dress that’d been frustrating you to no end, even if you ask him to fill in the unbleached spots in the back of your head after you previously claimed you could do it without him, he always obliges.

he may never admit it, but he loves the way you praise him afterwards, your lips curving upwards and uttering admiration, your eyes softening while you throw your arms around him in gratitude. he loves every second of it, and does everything he can to see you do it over and over again.

“well, i could do it by myself,” you jokingly lied. “but since you’re here and everything, you might as well give it a shot.”

he huffs, slipping on a pair of latex gloves and dipping the brush into the bowl of bleach.

“whatever.”

you bend your head to offer him better access, and he got a glimpse of you in the mirror.

you’re tapping your foot anxiously with your lip caught in your teeth, and his chest warms at the sight of you, all the nervous habits of yours that he’s familiar with, and all the trust you put in him to make things right again.

“this stuff smells like shit, y’know?” his nose scrunches before he applies the brush on a section.

“ugh, i know, right?” you laugh knowingly, your body slightly shaking under him. “but i’m gonna wash my hair after this.”

he lets out a hum, having always been obsessed with the scent of your shampoo, shoving his face into your hair whenever you hug him or lay on his chest.

“does it hurt?” he pauses, looking down at you. like he expected, your eyes are warm and the biggest smile appears on your face.

“no, no, i’m okay!” you quickly reassure him, pressing a soft hand on his thigh.

these are the moments tsukishima can never forget: the version of yourself only he gets to see. how your eyes crinkle at the sides and you couldn’t even wipe the grin off your face if you wanted to. to know that he is the only one who can make you feel that way makes him love you all the more.

“done.” tsukishima quickly pulls the latex gloves off his fingers, disposing them in the garbage. his eyes follow you as you carefully wrap a plastic shower cap on your head to seal the bleach.

“alright, 30 minutes and i’ll put the color in.” you turn to face him, a loving smile on your face.

he raises an eyebrow. “what?”

“hmmm…nothing. just thinking about how i have the best boyfriend in the world.”

his cheeks turn a unmistakable shade of pink before he covers them with his lanky fingers, pushing up his frames again.

“oh, shutup.”

you grin, tugging on the fabric of his shirt to pull him towards you.

he almost gives in before he remembers and steps back. “you’re gonna get your bleach on my shirt.”

“shit, i forgot.” you nod before slightly pouting. “..so i can’t touch you for 30 minutes?”

he furrows his brows before slouching to meet your eyes. your eyes widen and he chuckles at the way you bashfully respond to him even after months of dating.

“nah. i think i can fix that.” he says before pressing his lips on yours softly, feeling you smile against him.

he’s sure that there is no feeling better than this.

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #kei x reader #tsukishima fluff #haikyuu!! x reader #tsukishima kei fluff

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darkalleywayexpress · 4 years

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Your destiny is written from the day you’re born.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Rated M

Warnings: non-con sex, oral, violence, abuse.

This is based off of The devil all the time. Specifically Lee Bodecker. Ideas be taken from the original story of course.

Note: First time writing. Haven’t written before, please give feedback. I don't mind constructive critism. Hope you enjoy! Thanks!

I have to get home before 12:45 am or else – ughh I don’t even want to recall what happened last time I came any later than that. Excuses as my parents say, is not a reason. Even it is a couple minutes later. The chilly wind is blowing straight at my face, the feeling is as though it’s cutting my cheeks. I have to leave the diner right at 12 once done cleaning or else I won’t make it to home on time. Only reason why I hate working closing shifts though, this neighbourhood is not a friendly place, people that should make you feel comfortable don’t give you the warmth that you should be getting. I make a right turn, heading into my neighbourhood three more houses down and I’ll be home, whatever that means. Just before heading in can I see the silhouette of my mother standing by the window on the second floor. She leaves as I set the key into the door. Taking my shoes off so I don’t dirty the floors. I begin making my way to my room and soon prep myself to go to bed and fall asleep right away.

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Cheep Cheep. It must be morning already. The birds are standing along the window waking me up from my slumber. I should get ready before ma and pa, and my five older brothers wake up. They always get mad when I don’t get breakfast ready on time.

One by one they begin filing up the table. All I have to do left is fill up their coffee. I don’t eat until their done eating, since there is no seats available for me. They all leave to work and mom sitting in her usual spot. In front the television. It’s been this way since I graduated high school, I mean I always helped out when I was “free” but now I’m expected to do it all alone. 21, ever since I’ve been 21 my parents are wanting me to get married so I can stop being a nuisance in the house. I’m old they say and if I ain’t married young people will start thinking Im a whore and that’ll be the reason know one would want to marry me. Which literally makes zero sense since my parents don’t even want me to make any friends whether that person may be a girl or a boy. Ha. If they ever caught me with a boy, they’ll easily beat me to death in a blink of an eye. Life here in Southern Ohio is the opposite of a lovely town, it’s like everyone here is borderline psychotic-- no full-on psychotic. All I wish for is to get out of here in one piece, hence why I work at the diner though saving up around 20 or 10 every pay. It ain’t much but it is at least something. I’m expected to give every dime to my father which he spends on himself, mostly alcohol at least that’s what I think.

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Another closing shift today. Customers that start coming in at 3 are first students and as time passes by complete creeps come, though sometimes I am lucky with the odd family outing here. Time begins to fly by as per usual. I made a friend here a girl whom I tend to share my shifts with, Jamila, who is around my age just a couple years older. She knows how my family is and understands why I can’t do all things “normal” friendships do together. Its nice to have someone that is understanding. Though I pretty sure everyone knows my dad is a dick, he isn’t the type to hide it. Taking in pride that he suppresses his wife and well me though sometimes I do question whether people know I’m his daughter. Ding ding. The bell on the door chirms and I check the time since it is getting late. 9:30 am, we still have an hour and half left before we close, all most there. Looking at the people that came in, I noticed that its people from the deputy office, five of them. Looking at Jamila to see if she will be taking them, she smiles, indicating that she will be. I decide to head to where the cook is, so I can help him prepare their orders.

There are two groups. Three customers at one table and well the five that just came in. Looking at the group that has just recently came I notice that amongst the five and well of course Jamila standing and having a conversation with them through many giggles, I notice that the Sherriff is there. The most beloved of the town, hence why he got voted. If you were to ask me, I would say he is quite young to be a Sheriff aren’t they usually around their late fifties to early sixties. Plus, how do people see him as trustworthy his whole aura his cold. His eyes always seem tired and judgemental. I feel like I can shit myself whenever I see him, well any of them but him the most. Our eyes link, holding our gaze to one another. I fluster. Have I been staring for so long for him to notice? Straightening my posture I turn to make my way to the back of the diner.

Jamila seems in a high spirit after her time with the men. “I wanna be married already, waiting at my parents house ain’t getting me nowhere.”

“Marriage ain’t the greatest thing in the world. Being able to stand on your own two feet is though.”

“Yeah, yeah. You say the same thing all the time y/n.” Jamila sighs back at my response. I can’t help but smile to myself, I wish I had the same optimism in life as her.

POV CHANGE

“Ahhhh. Honey make sure you get it all in the cup. We don’t want any spilling.”

“Yes. Ill make sure Lee. Mmmm or should I say Sheriff.” Dragging out the f with her tongue.

She begins kissing up all over my neck. Touching all over my body. Glancing around making sure no one is around to see just in case, I see the girl from the diner straight ahead. Is she walking alone at night back home from work? Is no one taking care of her? Oh my sweet lost girl, someone good must take care of such a weak young women. I pull away the hands on my body.

“I think I should call it a night from here, I got a busy day tomorrow honey.”

“Will I see ya soon?”

“We’ll see about that; things have been getting bust around at the office.” With that she leaves, waving goodbye as my eyes begin following the girl from the diner. I’m just watching to make sure she is alright. I exit my vehicle since I won’t be able to see her from my seat much to long, keeping a far distance so she wont see me. She takes a right, walking into a neighbourhood I stop at the end just before entering. She stops at old Virgil’s place. She looks up and then begins walking up the steps putting her keys into the lock and shuts the door after herself. Huh. That’s Virgils daughter? A pretty dame for such an ugly Pa. Hahaha. Fucking Virgil.

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I couldn’t sleep all night, waking up every so hour due to the aches in my body. Periods, they truly are the worst. It hurts so bad and Ma won’t even believe me when I say so, saying something along the lines of I didn’t have it that bad. But I have a feeling my body won’t be the only ache today. Groaning I get up to head down to start breakfast grabbing another painkiller to help feel better and a robe to help keep my body heated in this cold house.

Breakfast is all prepared by the time they all take a seat on the kitchen table as I take a seat on the sofa in the living room since standing is just to achy. Ding dong.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF? Get up and open the fucking door!” Pa screams out the kitchen.

“Sorry Pa.” I get up quickly not taking in mind my pain. Has it rung a couple times? I haven’t even noticed.

“Good Morning. I just stopped by to speak to Virgil if he is not busy.”

It’s the Sheriff. What does he want from Pa? Nobody really ever comes to our house to speak to him.

“WELL WHO IS IT!” Pa screams.

“Let me go call him.” I say to the Sheriff. My body hiding behind the door.

“You go do that Sunshine.” He grins. I shiver in response. I go to tell dad and he gets up quickly from his spot. Taking his Jacket with himself not speaking to anyone as he does.

#lee bodecker #lee bodecker x reader #dark!lee bodecker #the devil all the time #dark fic

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megan1412 · 3 years

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Its Time

Cynthia goes into labor and John and Paul become parents to their third child.

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The drive is tense and quiet. They had just gotten the call that Cynthia was in labor, and was at the hospital. Paul begins to tap the steering wheel, a habit John hates.

"Paulie, do you have to do that?" John asks with an annoyed tone.

"Leave me alone!" Paul snaps back at a startled John.

"I know your anxious love, but you know I HATE it when you tap. Its bloody awful!" John whines.

Paul speeds up slightly, continuing to tap. John just sits back and groans. Then he begins to mess with a button on his jacket. The button was his favorite to mess with, and it was nearly torn off. The flicking makes Paul nearly go feral.

"Alright, we're both anxious! I just want to see our baby now. Its been nine months and Im ready!"

"Yeah... I wonder what the gender will be."

They decided to wait and see what their baby's gender was. Cynthia knew, but she promised not to tell. The rest of the ride was aggravating, the tension growing as they continued to annoy each other.

"Stop. Fucking. TAPPING!" John yells at a now infuriated Paul.

Paul suddenly stops the car and pulls over to the side of the road. John braces for the worst.

"Do you want me to turn this car around and let us miss the birth of our child Lennon?" Paul says bitterly, his face reddening.

John simply shakes his head, and takes a huge breath of relief. Paul bangs his head on the steering wheel and they continue. They had never been this anxious before. The first two kids were excitement. The day they both were adopted as babies were the best days of their lives. They look at each other and sigh, and continue on to London.

They walk into the hospital, and they ask the receptionist where Cynthia's room is. They say on the second floor in Room 207. They run upstairs and down the hall till they see the room with the sign outside saying Lennon. John goes in first, followed by Paul. Cynthia was laying in the bed, already changed into her gown. She was breathing heavily and was chewing on some ice.

"Hey Cyn. How are you love?" John said tenderly, laying a small peck onto her forehead.

"Not well. Im not dilated enough so this may take a while." She said, frustrated.

They sit down with her and help her through the contractions. They get worse one after the other. The pain looks excruciating to the two men, who just look in awe and sympathy.

"How bad does it hurt Cyn?" Paul asks cautiously.

She just shoots him an ugly look.

"The birth will be worse." Cynthia says on the verge of tears.

The couple look at each other with concerned looks and sit back down when the nurse comes in to check on her dilation. The exam looks uncomfortable. John tries to look away but can't help looking at Cynthia's uncomfortable expression. He wonders why women have to go through so much pain to have a child. He starts to think that women are the strongest beings on earth. Two hours go by and she is still not dilated enough for a natural birth. George and Ringo stopped by to say hello but had to leave as it was 3 in the morning and they were exhausted. Around 5 in the morning, Paul and John were asleep on the couch while Cynthia napped on and off. She suddenly squealed and the couple were awoken with fear in their eyes. The nurse ran in and decided to check if she was ready. As they waited to see, Cynthia was in pain and was lightly crying. She kept mumbling about how she couldn't move much.

"Mrs Lennon, I think we are ready to bring you to the delivery room!" The nurse said excitedly.

The nurse gestured to John to come along as they prepped her bed for transport. He gave Paul an excited peck on the cheek and ran down the hall after them. Paul made his way to the waiting room, where Brian, Mimi, and the kids were sitting. The kids were asleep in Brian and Mimi laps. They had begged Mimi to bring them to the hospital to see their new sibling, but they fell asleep quickly. An hour went by, and the anxiety was growing in Paul's stomach. He heard groaning down the hall, and screaming as well. It sounded like Cynthia.

"JOHN!!! ITS COMING!"

Paul sprang up and, on impulse, ran down the hall. He followed the crying and burst into the delivery room. John sprung around as the nurses tried to usher him out. But John refused.

"Let him stay. If you don't, Ill sue the bloody hospital!" John growled.

They reluctantly moved out of the way and Paul ran to John's side. Cynthia began to cry louder as they told her to push.

"Ok Cynthia. You're gonna have to push harder!"

"I CAN'T I CAN'T!" Cynthia moaned.

"Yes you can Cynthia we believe in you, the baby's almost here!"

The next few agonizing minutes were horrible to watch. She pushed and pushed, getting more exhausted by the minute. John tried to excuse himself, but Paul held his hand and squeezed it, comforting him. Eventually, they saw something.

"I see a head!" The nurse said excitedly.

John and Paul ran to see. They saw the baby begin to appear. John got so excited he nearly broke Paul's hand from squeezing so hard. Cynthia began to push even harder, letting out one final scream.

"She's here! Baby Girl Lennon is here!"

Paul and John freeze in their tracks. Its a girl? John becomes very quiet as he looks at the crying baby. Paul becomes concerned and tries to rub his shoulder, but John just simply walks over to the now relaxed Cynthia, with the baby on her chest. She smiles and kisses the baby's forehead. She then hands the baby over to the nurse. The nurse then weighs her and cleans her up. She is then wrapped in a bright pink blanket with a white beanie on her head. Some red hairs are visible peeking onto her forehead. John takes the baby in his arms, playing with her little fingers and toes and smiling gently. He then whispers softly to the baby with tears in his eyes.

"Hello Elizabeth Stella."

Paul stumbles over to his husband, standing in front of him as they look at their precious new child. Cynthia meanwhile gives the baby's new information.

"Role of the mother?"

"I am a surrogate." Cynthia says blankly.

"And the name for the baby will be Lennon-McCartney."

They can feel the judgement behind them but they don't care. They look into the baby's eyes and smile.

"We are gonna love you better than anybody in the world can ever do." Paul says softly.

"Mr Lennon? Is this your life partner?" the nurse politely asked.

"Husband. Thats the proper term. And the baby's other father." John said confidently.

"Paul McCartney." Paul said quietly.

The baby was rushed to the nursery as Cynthia was cleaned up and getting prepared to move to the Recovery ward. Throughout the morning, friends and family came by to see the baby. Cynthia let John and Paul hold the baby mostly, not wanting to get too attached. Julian and Sean came later in the day and met their new sister for the first time.

"Hey sweetheart." Paul said as he picked up a very excited Julian.

"Where is she?" Julian asked.

"Down here. Hold my hand." Paul grabbed Julian's hand as Sean held onto Paul's jacket.

The room was quiet when they entered. Cynthia was asleep. John was in the rocking chair with Elizabeth. He was holding her little hand and humming to her softly. Julian wanted to yell for his Daddy, but Paul shushed him.

"Hey guys. Wanna come meet yer new sister?" John said quietly.

Sean and Julian ran over to John and stood right beside him. He showed Elizabeth to them gently and they just played with her fingers and giggled. John was ecstatic. Never had Paul seen his husband so happy. He loved kids, especially girls. John simply just smiled at Paul and they exchanged a passionate stare. Their little family was complete.

#the beatles #john lennon #paulmccartney #1960's music #1960s aesthetic #mclennon #mclennon fanfiction #i hope yall like it

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revelaare · 4 years

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Shit said in the Crimson Discord & VC, taken out of context part 2, (the sequel)

Big NSFW warning, probably

his meat slid off and then slid right back on

[PRONOUN] can punch me in my uterus and make a hammock out of my ovaries

it’s one of the worst fucking things i’ve ever heard, and i’ve heard someone literally shit their pants

they tagged me and my ass clenched

this man just said “I want to eat ur ass and then kiss you” ok buddy

a man with a plan

my grandpa is texting his hoes from his flip phone

god my lawyer was a hit but idk if she will be the chosen one or not

hello give me your toenails

i'll touch you in a non-weird way

he was in that movie with the people, he was the human.

i want her to brush my hair

If we have dick glasses they have to be of the highest quality for the best experience

i don't wanna watch that white nonsense

i would throat him like a fine wine

these millenials can't live without ac? back in my day we lived on the sun

yall better put those goats on a wheel, tell them to start running

he looks like a bitch

yes or no, u wud punch the light bulb out of thomas edisons wrinkly pruned hand and asked him if he believed in god

still has skin and a working body

i needed to wait until my voice changes

you thought i was snacking on joe biden’s savory meat stick

barack guckin oglizzy, oguckma, barack osugma, Joe choden, OglchnnngggHHHYynnUUUnnghhma

why did i have a dream that i was taking the lid off my car

false gods require wine, real gods require coochiefice

fettucine wet ass pussy

that was all you sent me. the picture of a raccoon and then nothing

it isn’t hate, it is ‘continuously let down by’.

i never went to school who science

i’m gunna go peer pressure my mum into a shot

thank you for furthering my career at hot topic

i will suck the ingrown hair off of him

it has huge jackman in it

i chomped on this eggshell, got my calcium in for the day

i will take you to touch the mango

i want to see all the big things

[PRONOUN] has collar bones so deep you could hook a clothing hanger into it

no asscheeks in fucking family chat you animals

he will eat you alive and suck out your intestines like its a spaghetti noodle

[NAMES]’s Tiggle Biddie’s

dropped acid, cried the whole night.

my stomach is hooping and hollering, i’m about to eat some sleep

you want my throatsac ??

please dont know me as the toenail eater

you have to keep the skin on one side while you eat the other, thats basic mango physics

i mean he is some good sasuage

calm down dick Hannibal

respectfully, what the fuck is this

tbf i only eat my steaks where they need tampons

you committed acts of culinary terrorism

does your refrigerator whimper and cower in the corner when you approach it. that's your fridge trying to use echo location to locate a safe space

thundercuck

i almost met Jesus, I almost got an autograph. Almost got a greatest hits signed album.

respectfully, are you smoking fucking crack?

my left testicle could play better than you

i’ll eat him with ketchup

son of a biscuit eating bulldog!

now it’s back to me sucking, all is right in the world.

holy fuck weasels.

holy fuck, weasels!

why does the bad guy look like the Statue of Liberty?

this is a man that sometimes willingly dresses like a lumberjack

and me, being an emotional cripple, must make jokes about this.

hey my name is [NAME] i'm **definitely** who i say i am

[NAME OR PRONOUN] offered a back massage by calling it the “tickle thing”

i love a man who puts his parents in a nursing home.

my brain is going to take a hot shower

wait have u seen steve harvey's coochie

if it were me i would simply not be pregnant

look im not about to be out here saying i love [NAME OR PRONOUN] feet, but i am about to be out here saying that their feet are some of the nicest feet i've seen in a long time

i named my cloyster renesmee

[NAME] was texting me from the bathtub

you’re pregnant? That’s unfortunate.

do I say dumb shit? Perhaps. Do I take ownership? Perhaps.

i pay for things in blissful ignorance

i am an emotional vagrant

i am an emotional fragrance

to make a long motherfucking story short...

this enchilada tastes like asshole and sadness

you are not an ugly bitch, you’re just a bitch

that’s not a nut shot, buddy.

i’m sad because i sucked the meat off of this pumpkin spice latte

i want to make a blanket out of his eyebrows

what are you disgracing my Christian eyes for?

he be looking at that dick like why does it go so much to the left?

I want her to record an audio book for me so I can fall asleep listening to her voice.

Can I lick you like an ice cream cone? Asking for science.

like you're out to lunch with your bromie and you're eating some rubens or something and you wistfully look over the rim of your sunglasses and just: You ever buss 2 fast

my accent is flaccid

timotay chalamaymay’s sweet ass

on the bright side mcallister’s gave me 3 pickle spears. Almost enough to make a whole pickle.

you think they came from the same mommy pickle?

HIS DOODLE IS OUT

i thot that meant [NAME] wanted to...doodle his noodle

i don’t use commas, i don't respect u enough, fuck ur reading comprehension.

does australia have seasons

i want someone to embalm my body with mcdonalds sprite

his hermione grangina

purrrr my last email

its lore locked beneath 30 layers. u can only understand it if uve had a near death experience

LET'S GET FUCKY

i wanna have the heart of a stoner

his man titties look like little tattooed pillows

SWIGGITY SWOOTY COMIN FOR THAT BOOTY

there were no cheeks to shake. nothing to clap. no noise to be had from her literal slices of wonderbread

u ever just fuck around and ur tits fart

put a lil mint leaf on it for authenticity

alright brother god bless may u be fertile

i feel like im being advocated for something i shouldnt be advocating for

and i am adam with my fat pendulous balls lol

i’m making whuppie with whoopie godberg

theodore tits fart rex

yeah man do u also have the third toe on ur shoulder

the green spaghetti monster is coming for me and i can't blame him

today i learned starfish do not poop

that was nothing compared to some other things I saw

listen I'd willingly watch [NAME/PRONOUN] in a cell for 24 hours. Imagine that sounded less creepy

i'd lick a dirty flip flop off her abs

i’m tempted to show you all the gravity defining boobs, maybe tomorrow

my brain is on vacation

good morning! i ate breakfast and im ready to go to bed

tape the titty in

ive unironically had nightmares with [NAME] in them

the peanut in the auditory canal

so far this feel all comfortable, does this all make sense?

i know it's kind of a schlep to get through

nail polish or no nail polish for the shower?

and then he saw those big tt honkerz... and it all went down hill from there

can y’all stop chanting curses in the chat my furniture is stuck on the ceiling

EH?! CIAO? HELLO??

in Russia this is not ok

i can’t buy pants here on Sunday either

IT'S LIKE TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO EAT ON A SOGGY PANCAKE

imagine me going up to [NAME/PRONOUN] and being like i love the way ur flesh smells

in a supermarket. The sickly blue light where humans congregate. Animal human masses. Nameless faces. Whole lives boiled into generalized categories like "asshole who definitely does need 4 boxes of cheerios". Yout hink and realize while stabding in line u didnt grab the bag of frozen peas...but its 2 late

its truly the only picture that gives me pure joy

are weasels real

my work mum just messaged me the phrase "use your booty call wisely" with no context

"let's bring u to the mustache chair"

If you’re not doing coke under the coke sign what is the point?

#⋆ ˚｡⋆˚ meme day #HERE U GO U SINNERS.#THE SEQUEL.

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chumpmagump · 3 years

Text

I just wrote an entire post about how grateful I am for how my life is lately & it completely dissapears hahahah.

WELL in summary I was saying

I don’t know what it is lately but I feel like my life is shifted literally overnight. I think being at my dads really solidified how much misery exists and how long you can live in that misery if you don’t try and pull yourself out of it by forcing yourself to do things that you really don’t like. I mean I was writing prayers in this little journal that I never really write in and I was giving myself a vague set date of how much longer I would hang in here for. I realise that part of the reason why I felt suicidal when I was 19 was because I was living at my dad‘s house and being back there really showed me that your environment affects your mental health like tenfold , you can thrive from it or you can die from it and Im realising just now that was not the environment for me and I was probably never gonna thrive in that environment and I’m so glad that I moved out and moved away after high school. I think it’s always going to be hard going back there because of the trauma that happened there , I don’t feel so guilty any more for feeling that because I think that’s normal considering what happened and I’m proud of myself for even going , for even jogging on the beach some days, even showing up because it honestly felt like I was dying. And I realise now that because I have my own independence because I have my own house because I have my own routine because I have my own life even if it hasn’t been amazing - it’s what has made me stable. It’s something that I’m cultivating and I have power over that and that makes all the difference to how I see myself and how I see the world.Even this week my trauma has reared its ugly head but I don’t feel defeated I just feel like I have more to improve on with my boundaries and my mental health in general and it doesn’t feel disempowering it feels empowering to know what I need To improve on. I can’t give myself all of the credit I have some amazing people around me at the moment and I feel really blessed and grateful that I have them in my life. And sometimes I’ll sit here and think about all the times I’ve tried to pick myself up but the people around me have been able to help me through it when I couldn’t even really recently, like this morning I was feeling like shit and I kind of forced myself to get up and just do the dishes and shower and I really didn’t want to go out but it helped having positive people around me to help infiltrate into my brain that things are gonna be okay and I don’t think I’ve fully realised until now the power others around you have on your psyche and the privilege having words like that said to you on a regular basis because some people don’t have that at all and I think it makes fighting the battle harder so I’m really grateful for everything people have said to me. I think that gives me purpose to keep going to to be able to do the same for them.

I feel like this meditation, fitness, and eating right routine is gonna be amazing for me. But my friend today asked me a really valid question which was what are you going to do when things don’t feel so good? And he reminded me that it’s okay also be kind on yourself and that you’re not always gonna feel like meeting your own expectations. Which I think really helped because in the past if I didn’t keep going with a consistent routine I would feel like a failure because I set out to do a particular thing over the course of a particular time and when I didn’t complete it did feel like - what’s the point I should give up. but I feel like my mindset has shifted where I realise how much time has been gone from my mental disorder and how much hating myself has changed nothing about my life in a good weigh and how I wish I could take back those for years in my 20s and do a lot of things that I wish I knew now. But hindsight is 2020 or is it 2021 ha ha okay. Anyway - I think I’ve finally decided even if I hate myself I’m still gonna live anyway because maybe one day I’ll get to a point where I don’t hate myself any more and I look around and I’ve made it. I’ve turned myself into the person that I’ve always wanted to be whether that’s physically mentally spiritually and I really want to find out if I can so I’m gonna keep going.

Over half of this was text to speech so if it looks fucking weird that’s why alright it’s 3 am actually go back to bed. peace

Okay I just have to add its definitely been 50 percent having good people around and 50 percent my intentions for this year.

#personal #new year 2021 #mental health #depression #routine #body dysmorphic disorder

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quackspot · 4 years

Note

i started thinking about that gay bastard oc of yours. platano. can u tell me about him

omg u wer thinkgin about platano..... mr banana man... mr 4011. i am obsessed with the banana code srry i just got back from work (it was good :-D)

any way. um. im going below the cut. he kidnaps people and he murders people and i hate him because he’s also a massive weeb so. hm

HISTORY OF PLATANO... yea his name is spanish for banana

his father, pablo, will probably get a name change someday but i literally never think of his father since the only thing he did in platano’s backstory was disappear

since platano’s world has characters based off like. fruits and vegetables (there aren’t really any limit to what the characters are based off of. it was in my lazy google translate name phase so we have like... a gay character named arcenciel who becomes dadlike through my powerful canon-changing touch. also arcenciel wears the colors of the rainbow as often as he can i haven’t figured out a good design for him since i’m not used to using more than 5 colors. he also owns a hat factory)

i think arcenciel and platano are friends they met when platano was like. 17 probably and arcenciel would be around uhhhhh ummmmmmm 21??? idk man but in canon he’s probably around 30 . yes i m saying “in canon” because i wrote a really dumb and horrible story back in 2018 arcenciel used to have HUGE internalized homophobia and i turned that into a running joke and i dislike that so that’s a reason why i’m not sharing the fun little story i wrote for my friends

(the best part of that story is when arcenciel threw his light-up rainbow heelies at platano, thus starting the boss fight which the main cast LOST.)

ok back to the topic at hand. platano.

i have a whole doc named platano where i just wrote drabbles about him so i’m going to summarize them

the first one was his friend, percisi (my only cishet oc he’s very short and very aggressive while also dressing in a soft-colored turtleneck since he’s based off of peaches) using a misunderstood form of satanism to summon satan. guess what percisi and platano summoned satan for. it was a manga update! wow

i won’t say the mangas name it was an inside joke

so platano was like “hey satan can i have this manga now please please” and satan went “sure just kill people for me”

that determined platanos job for the next 7 or so years <3 wonderful.

(it was basically me writing a backstory for a scene to happen in the main writing i wrote for my friends. he killed someone because someone else in the building was trying to summon satan. very confusing but okay i guess.)

i think right after that i wrote about platano meeting his boyfriend, sage, for the first time. i have horribly mixed feelings about their relationship since it’s very. Hm.

so platano kidnaps people to watch anime with him because all his friends left him and his best friend, mangue, is too busy being a dictator over the Land of the Fruits. i shit you not fruits oppressed the vegetables. i wrote that dynamic between the two because i was learning about the revolutionary war in US History. something like that at least

(the Land of the Fruits is not the official name)

on the topic of kidnapping people. guess who his favorite person was. sage. it was sage. so he tried to take sage often but they probably discussed Proper boundaries since everyone else tried to run away. hmm i am now going to write a bit right now

“Platano,” Sage started. “Why do you keep kidnapping me? It’s rude and I hate it.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” The yellow-haired fool leaned on his sword, digging the tip deeper into the ground.

“ASK ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT??”

“I can do that?”

“You keep making my dads worried.” Sage looked around the area, fidgeting with his hands.

“Oh. Okay. Want to hang out? Watch some anime?” Platano paused for a moment, but managed to say “Maybe kiss?” before Sage got to answer.

“I- KISS??? We can watch anime together. We can go now.”

Sage ushered Platano through a portal as fast as he could.

His dads were never worried.

hmmm maybe that’s alright idk i’m a little tired so it’s probably a little out of character. sage probably isn’t that loud but i think it was trying to be the dynamic of “oh, we’re not dating” when they kiss every sunday at 5 pm by a romantic river scene

he’s a character who is, at his very core, horrible and bad. he is portrayed in a way i DESPISE but i’m too lazy to correct it. his interest in sage actually started with me going “hmm i think platano would draw sage like this” then sauce giving me fun facts about his oc, sage, yea sage is sauce’s oc <3 epic win . so sauce gave me fun facts about sage and i was like “time to doodle these in platanos ‘art style’” when in reality it’s just the mockery of people just getting into an anime art style, with the chin so pointy it could cut a cake

i might reread my old writing from 2018. i gotta agree with the judges for that year i did not write very well

it mightve actually been made in 2017 which would be FUCKIN CRAZY im gonna check rn

yea it was started in 2018. february 14th... huh . finished it completely in june of that year it was 41 pages total and it’s not even double spaced how did i write something without double spacing it

OH MY GOD BOB IS GOING TO HIJACK THIS RANT JUST FOR A LITTLE

so bob is a fluffy little anthro cloud with a grey top hat and bowtie. he is amazing. i love bob. bob is another one of sauce’s character and mangue (mentioned earlier) was made by my friend jamie

(you can always ask for their tumblrs but i’d ask them if its okay to share their tumblrs. i might just look at them and reblog their stuff cuz i like their art!!! maybe jamie posted a drawing she made recently on her blog but tbh i don’t think she would she’s more of a twitter user)

ok so im skimming thru UMG which is the story it stands for “Universe of Magic Gardens” and it was originally made for a prank on ponytown so people would go “what’s UMG” and my friends and i would be like “ur mom gay xDDDDDD” or something like that . horrible but i’m glad i’ve changed from . that.

here’s a bit i actually like AKLJFISJFIO

“What the actual FUCK, Ilkie?!” Arcenciel cringed in fear. “Put it back- it’s too ugly.” He pointed at Platano, whose arms were crossed.

why is it bolded. anyway.

i just saw a part where eau used y’all... water cowboy moments <333 i really need to make refs for all of those old characters. all of my umg-related characters have to be my oldest-living ocs.

i cant believe this is making me genuinely reread my old writing just to go “WJHFSIDAJKSFIOJ WTF????”

some of the lines on it sound like something you would hear on like. a school bus or somethin

looking at umg like “wtf how did i add so much Meat to this writing” bc most of my writing now is mostly quotations to progress the story (like the quickie i wrote earlier. i could add meat to it but im tired lol)

OK THIS IS MORE GENERAL BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS WAS WRITING HAIKUS FOR PORTALS. after you visit a place enough times it’s kind of just an instinct to open a portal there so you don’t have to recite a haiku

uhh ok here’s another bit becuase im feeling like living la vida loca. ur biggest regret should be “can you tell me about him” by this point bc i’ve written too much to go back now

He landed on his face once he was outside of the hat. Meko quickly walked over to the guest room, opened the Portals for Dummies book, and flipped to a page. It looked devious.

“Banana, mango,

Each tasting amazingly.

A taste of evil.”

Meko did the dance on the page, it consisted of something that looks like it’s from an anime. A portal opened, the familiar scent of bananas and mangoes coming from it. With some hesitation, Meko stepped in. He quickly made it so only his head peeked in.

it wasnt bolded this time but i like it bolded. ok i understand how i added meat it was just shitty expired meat ALKFSJSHDAIUJKFEIODSJAK . it wasnt even that much meat DAMN. it just looked like more.

actually that’s all i will write. i could do more w platano but yea at his base he is a blonde twink who kills people because he wanted a manga but now he’s friends with a dictator. woo! wow. amazing character writing. i cant wait to get motivation to rewrite everything and make platano a good villain (he will still be very interested in anime sadly. idk why around that time i liked making characters who were obsessed with anime i didn’t even watch it much myself. i think it was because i wanted to put capes on them)

#I REALLY WENT SLIGHTLY OFF-TOPIC #like i went broader then refocused in at the end #so if you want the basics its just. right at the end #my brain's out of work mode now it's going into the deepfry machine #melon-official

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mini-pretzel · 5 years

Text

a while - namgi

Genre: BEWARE OF ANGST, also light fluff

Music: reminiscer

Additional tags: depression mentions, also mentions of mutual pining, Namjoon is too sweet im crying, Yoongi is an emotional softie

Word count: 2k

A/N: namgi is slowly consuming my life. help.

Yoongi's has always buried his depression.

And his feelings for Namjoon.

Yoongi knew that it would happen again. Every time it let go of him, it was only for a short period of time. A few days after it would always return, bearing that weight of helplessness that he has grown accustomed to in his everyday life.

Whenever it would visit, he would try to seem okay around the guys, but he knew how that never came across as, well, normal in their eyes. They would usually notice a change in his demeanor whenever it would take him, having lived together for so long. They knew he was no stranger to such dark thoughts and emotions, but he hated feeling like a burden to the group, so he would bury it until it would dissipate into nothingness. It was simpler that way. No drama, no therapist visits, no scandals, no bad PR.

That’s how things went.

“Wow, I can’t believe we won another award.” said a soft voice--Jimin’s probably--full of surprise and amazement.

They were sitting around in their living room, jackets shed and spread on the couches, with some of the members already showered and in comfy sweats.

“Yeah, we’ll need to get another trophy case if this keeps up,” another voice said and a chaotic laughter followed.

Yoongi could faintly tell who was talking, but he was feeling like slowly he was slipping more and more away from the conversation and into a blank void that was absent of emotion. The thing inside him was starting to pull at him and Yoongi felt his hands growing increasingly antsy in lap. He really needed to dissociate. Only in being by himself in his room could he truly go through all the motions of the apathy that was starting to plague his chest.

He somewhat understood that he needed to shower and get change out of his award show suit, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. All he wanted was to curl under a blanket and pray that it swallowed him whole.

“Yoongi-hyung, you alright?” he heard a concerned voice of Jimin who was sitting beside him, but the elder just smiled tightly, eyes absent, and waved him off. He really needed to get away from the guys so as to not ruin their mood. They had just won another important award, and while he usually took his time looking at every little piece of detail the trophy had, that was the last thing on his mind as the sickening feeling in his chest softly whispered that none of it mattered and he really needed to be by himself.

“I’m fine, Jiminie, it’s just been a long day.”

The younger man pouted, his plump lips looking even more full, but didn’t pry further, which Yoongi found himself thankful for. His problems are the last thing that the guys need to focus on at during a happy time like this.

Speaking of which.

Yoongi slapped his knees as he rose from the couch, drawing attention from everyone around him.

“I’m heading to bed,” he announced to the group, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Jin and Jeongguk looked up from Jin’s phone, where the oldest, no doubt, was showing the youngest a funny video. They both said goodnight, but the air suddenly felt stiff in the room. Taehyung made a movement to hug Yoongi and he backed away before the taller man could envelop him into his bone-crushing hug, and somehow that only made things more suspicious.

Namjoon, with his smart eyes looked like was about say something but Yoongi purposefully ignored looking his way knowing how the taller man made his heart skip into his throat every time, making his crush painfully obvious. And he really, really did not want to deal with the inevitable rejection and awkward stares when the thing was rearing its ugly head. He could only deal with one thing at a time.

“Goodnight, everyone.” Yoongi said curtly, before speed walking upstairs and disappearing into the darkness of his room before anyone could stop him and question him on what was wrong.

As soon as he was secluded in the privacy of his room, he sighed heavily and stripped down to his boxers, leaving his suit in a small little pile on the floor before slipping into his bed.

Yoongi immediately folded his body into a fetal position as he brought the covers closer to himself. It was only there, under layers of blankets, where he could let go and cry as the thing inside his chest cavity wrapped a slimy grasp around his heart. There, in his little space, away from everyone else in the world, he would let it slowly devour him without retaliation, because there was nothing he could do. There, he could give up. There, he could hate himself. There, he could-

A soft knock interrupted his flow of thoughts and because it was so quiet in his room, as Yoongi has always been a silent crier, he could hear it clearly as if someone was beating down the door.

After a few moments, the knock returned, this time with more urgency, and Yoongi heard himself groan as he untangled his limbs from the sheets. He sluggishly stepped toward the door, his whole body feeling heavy, and opened it just a crack.

“What?” he said, wincing when his eyes were hit by a yellow brightness from the hallway light. He hoped he sounded grumpy and annoyed, and not pathetic like he felt.

A familiar pair of observant eyes looked back at him and it made Yoongi felt even more naked than he already was.

“Yoongi, are you alright?”

He felt Namjoon’s piercing gaze send a shiver down his spine.

“I’m fine.”

It was a blatant lie, and Yoongi knew Namjoon saw right through it.

“Can I come in, Yoongi?” his voice was gentle, so gentle it made Yoongi grip the door handle tighter and avert his eyes from Namjoon’s, a sudden warmth spreading in his cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because you’re clearly not alright.”

“I said I’m fine.” the words were cold and devoid, but he felt a fire stirring inside him. All he wanted was to be left alone. No one else was supposed to deal with this.

“Please.” the pleading tone in his voice made Yoongi look up to Namjoon’s eyes and see the taller man’s hand gripping the door, itching it to open further. “Let me help.”

Yoongi choked out a dry laugh, finding the vague proposition absolutely ridiculous, but stepped away from the door anyway, and with it letting Namjoon into his room. The boldness of this man, really. It made Yoongi’s head spin.

Namjoon closed the door behind him and Yoongi heard the lock click, but avoided turning back to face the new intruder in his personal space. His cheeks were already on fire, he didn’t need the man to see them too.

“Well, now you’re here. What are you going to do now?” Yoongi started saying in his nonchalant voice, “What could possibly hel-” his words were cut off when he felt the taller man’s arms wrap around him in a backwards hug.

“How long have you been feeling like this, Yoongi?” he heard the younger ask against his ear and shuddered from the hotness of his breath.

“A-A while.” Yoongi decided to answer. He didn’t know why he was being honest with the man, especially when it was much easier to not say anything. Namjoon had that effect on him, he supposed. He could make anyone talk about anything.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” the arms tightened around him, pulling him closer and Yoongi could really feel the warmth of Namjoon’s body now through the man’s shirt, the realization making him swallow hard.

“Not your problem to deal with.” he stated simply, feeling every pump of his heart in his throat.

“Oh, Yoongi.” was the response. And why did it sound so soft and full of care? It did nothing to help his poor heart.

That’s when Yoongi realized he was pretty much naked save his boxers in front of the taller man who was holding him against his chest. Yes, his heart was definitely not going to be able to handle this.

“What?” he tried to remain calm, but a part of him knew that his heartbeat already gave away his true feelings under his calm demeanor.

“You can always talk to us about anything that’s bothering you. Your problems are worthy of a solution.” Namjoon whispered with mouth pressed so close against his ear, Yoongi could feel his lips move with every syllable. “Please talk to us when you feel like this, we will support you.”

Yoongi’s breath stopped in his throat and there was a burning sensation in his eyes.

“I know you’d much rather hold it all in, but it’s not healthy, Yoongi.”

Damn it, Namjoon.

“We care about you, Yoongi.” he felt those pair of lips he thought about to too often when he was in bed alone press a firm kiss on his temple. “I care about you.”

With that, Yoongi’s heart stopped.

Then, hot tears trickled down his face and his shoulders quivered from the overwhelming wave of emotion. Suddenly the slimy grip on his heart wasn’t as tight was it had been before, and Yoongi speculated it was because of the long warm arms that were wrapped around him, as if shielding him from everything unsavory and dreadful.

Yoongi brought up one of his arms to touch Namjoon’s forearm and his fingers gripping the skin harshly as if it was the only thing grounding him in reality, keeping him away from the darkness hidden away in the corners of his mind.

So many thoughts were inside his head, but he didn’t know how to voice them.

“Yoongi.”

Yoongi hummed for the lack of a better response, still dealing with the sudden outpour of tears.

“Would like for me to stay with you tonight?”

Stay? Stay as in-

“In my bed?” Yoongi breathed out, glad it was so dark that his blush could go unnoticed.

“Not necessarily. I can sleep on the floor,” Namjoon offered, “I just want to make sure you sleep okay.”

“B-bed’s fine.” Yoongi protested immediately. Why in the hell did he sound so damn nervous? It wasn’t like he hadn’t shared a bed with the guys before during their early debut days. Namjoon in his bed was not an unusual occurrence, but the pounding in his chest and the flush on his cheeks clearly showed that something had changed since their debut days.

He felt the taller man nod and pull away, before taking a step back and moving closer to the bed to raise the blankets so Yoongi could climb in first.

After Yoongi was safely tucked in and watching him, Namjoon shed his sweatpants and crawled in next to him, facing him.

As they stared at each other, Yoongi noticed how Namjoon’s face held so much compassion and longing that it made him wonder how long the taller man reciprocated how Yoongi felt about him. The faint moonlight illuminated Namjoon’s features and Yoongi felt himself slipping further into the whatever feeling he kept silencing and locking away deep in his chest for years.

It had all seemed unfathomable, ludicrous even. He didn’t even dare let himself think all those times where he saw the taller man staring at him for a little too long or laugh a little to hard at his jokes meant anything more than comradery.

For who could feel such affection for someone as broken as Yoongi?

“Yoongi.”

“Mm?”

“How long have you felt like this?”

Yoongi felt his heart almost leap out of his ribs. “A while.”

Namjoon tilted his head, that lovely dimpled smile forming on his cheeks. “Why didn’t you say anything about it?”

Yoongi smiled back. “Wasn’t your problem to deal with, Joon.”

The taller man laughed softly, “Oh, Yoongi.”

At that the smaller man pushed himself closer, eyes glued to the dark orbs staring back at him. Yoongi felt strong legs wrap around his thinner ones and a pair of hands dig into his hair, pulling him even closer until their bodies pressed together in the middle of the bed. And right there, in the warmth, hidden beneath heaps of blankets and barely lit room, one pair of lips met another.

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reddogf13 · 5 years

Text

Between two Voids ch 14

Pennywise x Beverly

summery: It has been 12 years since Beverly was last in Derry. now 26 years old and returning with her boyfriend she strives for a life of normalcy in the small town. Unaware that a certain stalking creature has awakened much earlier than expected. Looking for a challenge to cure its boredom ,in the now crumbling town, IT aims to uproot her life as much as possible. Yet, is that really such a bad thing given her dark situation hidden from all but the eyes of a world eater?

status: complete

rated: M - fowl language and gore, sex scene ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

prev chap: Between two Voids ch 13

next chap: Between two voids ch 15 _____________________________________

~ch:14 Temptation ~

Beverly awoke in her bed to the morning light. Erik sleeping a few feet away in his own bed. He had separated their beds yesterday. Ranting about how she could be riddled with STDs and hated sleeping next to her.

“Easier not to wake him i guess.” Sitting up at the thought. Following the usual routine of starting chores, make breakfast, hide her breakfast. Erik wakes, gets ready to leave, eats and then Trey arrives with the van. Babysitter for the day stays and everybody else drives off for “work.” Today was turning a little differently.

“Hey Erik some guy has a load of painkillers he's willing to sell off. Wants to get rid of them quick and says he's willing to cut a deal.” Victoria spoke from the doorway. Shoving Beverly to the side as she was let in.

“Oh? Know where he is? Or can you call him?” Asking between shoveling bites of food down.

“Got a meet up with him at a empty factory. he's got 12 bags of the extreme stuff freshly snagged from the hospital last night.” Speaking highly of the drugs.

“ you saw them?”

“Fuck yeah i did. We can sell that stuff instantly after adjusting the package amounts. There still all in the prescription bottles.”

“Did he say a price or a deal needs to be settled?” Scraping the last amount of food into his mouth.

“He says he won't go below $108,000. We could give him a deal of $200,000 and still make twice that off the supply we’ll get.”

“Alright, I'll stop at our pharmacy. Then hop on over to the business meeting. Stay here and babysit while i do the adult work.” chugging down his orange juice as he left.

“Sure thing cutie.” Complimenting him as he left out the door. Her happy aura dropping at being left alone with Beverly “What exactly do you do for him again?” Question aimed at Beverly washing the dishes.

“Why do you like babysitting?” Beverly asked back. Victoria was obsessed with Erik It seemed like she would hate babysitting and prefer for Beverly to run off.

“Because i am a good listener who stands by her man. Something you wouldn't know. Im sure that eventually Erik will get bored and kick you to the curb. I'll be his precious queen then and make him all the big money.” Boasting about herself being far more annoying than Pennywise doing the same thing.

At least when done by Pennywise he could handle a punch to the ego from Beverly. She so much as breathed on Victoria, would cause the girl to go crying to Erik about her causing trouble. Unable to say anything while not wanting to hear Victoria boost all day about herself, Beverly took up vacuuming.

The loud sound drowning everything out for the next few hours. Rarely shouted over by Victoria telling Beverly “you missed a spot.” Even after Beverly vacuumed the same spot five times in a row. Victoria, at becoming bored of watching Beverly vacuum, started wandering the house. Causing Beverly some anxiety as to what she was doing. She had caught Victoria a few times messing with things on purpose to get her in trouble later with Erik. Hiding some of Erik stuff to uselessly switching around items in Eriks desk drawers.

When Victoria walked into the bathroom the need to follow calmed down in Beverly. Not much for her to mess in there but switching around shampoo bottles.

Victoria wasn't in there for more then a few minutes when she let out a scream. Beverly cut off the vacuum in time to turn around and face Victoria shouting down at her.

“What did you do?!” Screeching down at Beverly while pointing up at something. Beverly had to take a second to realize what she was talking about. Looking up had her seeing the problem of Victoria's hair changing from black to over an old silver grey. Knowing how vain Victoria was, there was no way she would do it on purpose just to blame Beverly for something.

“You think i can possibly change your hair like that? I couldn't have done anything!” Beverly defended herself.

“You’re a horrible liar you witch! Look at how ugly it looks!”

“Dye it back then. It's hair, you’ll live.” Waving off Victoria's angry screeching.

“I can't just dye it back! I need to get treatment for this! I am going to the salon to fix your mess. Then I'll tell Erik what you did! You'll be fucking sorry for this!” Continuing her upset screeching all the way out the door.

“Sure thing Victoria” Rolling her eyes at the slamming of the door. Pulling the vacuum cord from the wall to tie back around the machine. Planning to start dusting as her next chore. Stopping at her vision being blocked by gloved hands.

“Guess who.” Beverly sighed at the clowns playful tone. Pushing his hands out of the way to face him.

“What are you doing here?!” Spoken through grit teeth to keep her voice down.

“I've come to break you out.”

“ i don't need breaking out! Leave so i can get back to work.” Walking off to the back room for a duster.

“ aww come on. It’ll only be for a little while. I can get ya food.”

“No, i took a big risk the last time i went out. I won't be taking another one while Erik has a chance of returning at any moment.” Searching through the laundry cupboards for what she needed.

“Don't fret about him. Henry's going to be keeping him running all day.”

“What did you pull now?!” Slamming a cupboard door shut to throw a glaring look at him.

“Nothing serious, only a bit of fun I've been playing a while with the small male.”

“You know when you make him angry it comes back around to me, to deal with.” Grumbling with a snatch of a dusting rag off a small shelf.

“We can go back out to the fairgrounds. It's closed, nobody else will be there but us.” Working to slowly tempt her out of the apartment.

“yeah, and then what? We spend some time together. I have to leave and come back here. Then repeat the next day? No thank you, this has to stop.”

“please, at least to eat something. I know you're still starving with how little that male give you. I promise to get you back before he returns. A quick outing he'll never find out about.” carefully tempting her further while hiding his anxiousness from all her rejections. Fearing she may refuse to go this time.

“NO! Its over!” shutting him right down. “get out! Don't come back!” storming off for a breather alone in the bathroom.

He stood there, alone, in the middle of the living room. Moving his stare from watching the closed bathroom door down to his chest. Expecting to see a hole caved into it, but there was nothing. A great pain stabbing through his chest silently demanding him to do something to fix it. The only thing that could fix it was her presence, but she didn't want to go. She told him to leave and what was he to do about that?

Rejecting the idea of taking her away by force, he left alone. Returning back to the Neibolt house to pace its empty rooms. Letting out roars of anger that would have startled anyone walking by outside. If it weren't for the house being alone on the outskirts by deserted train tracks. He snarled and roared at the air with all his built up anger.

“a small set back. I'll think of something… I can wait. I have time forever on my hands! … but she doesn't.” sighing at being aware of Beverly still having not eaten today. Humans had to eat or they would die. One good meal out of the entire week wouldn't be enough to keep her going. Already seeing the concerning changes in her. “i still have to pick up food for Henry. I can hide food for her at the apartment to be found.” worried greatly about the food he hid was always rejected by her. “I'll try again later, I'll think of something.” repeating to himself. Figuring out a new distraction would be required for a second attempt.

“might as well grab Henry now” grumbling while stomping down the basements stairs to reach the old well. Climbing into it down to the water drains leading across the town. Zipping by multiple tunnels to reach a water grate out by the river. Following the running water deeper into the barrens until he spotted Henry running. Suddenly appearing by him to yank Henry behind a large tree.

“holy shit man! I thought you were one of those idiots that had finally caught up! What are you doing here?” Henry spoke while calming down from his sudden fear.

“she didn't want to come. making this distraction a waste of time to continue. I'll have to try some other time on a whole new plan.”grumbling about the situation. “you still stole all his money?”

“yeah, I got it all.” holding up a metal suitcase in hand.

“good, let's return to the Neibolt house and let them keep searching for nothing.” gesturing for Henry to follow back up river to the drainage pipe. “keep going to the house while I go fetch food. I still aim to have Beverly eat something today at least.” splitting away from Henry to go off.

Back at the apartments, long after Pennywise had left, Beverly was still in the bathroom. Sitting inside the tub working on stopping her tears.

“why am I crying?” asking herself. Wiping away more tears with her long shirt sleeve. “i cant be crying because of him. … can I? … I know it can never work with him. Its not normal, it's not right, I'd be some kind of betrayer to humanity. I can't live all my life in the sewers or forever ignore his eating habits.” bringing her legs close to her chest for resting her head against them. Having her tears finally come to a stop.

Hearing a loud thud of the front door, she rushed out in time for Erik to shout down at her. “wheres Victoria?!” Surprise coming from Beverly at why Erik suddenly charged in, in a blinding rage.

“she went to the salon. What's wrong?”

“We got fucking scammed! Bastard took all the money and as we we were driving off the pills started disintegrating and melting right through the bottles! It even burned a huge hole through the vans floor! Now we’re short on cash and a damned working car! Tried to hunt the damn bastard down until he managed to disappear!” He angrily chugged a beer from the fridge. “ i have to meet the guys back at the car shop to try and scrounge up the money together for a fix. If not we’ll have to go car shopping. Then we’ll have to stay out late to make up sales for that loss. That includes you!”

“Me?” Beverly asked in disbelief.

“Yes you. It can be your real job. You know the prices already from the last time you sold pills. I'll set you up with supplies.” Yanking Beverly to force her out.

At reaching their “pharmacy” a run down building hiding pot plants with a cache of drugs. Beverly was handed a few bags of drugs with bills for change. Walked to a spot for selling by Erik in a run down part of Derry.

“I always get sold out here, so you better be by end of the day. I’ll come regularly to check on you to. Don't you dare move from this spot!” Ordering her with a point toward the ground. Leaving Beverly to stand around a group of closed down shops in a foot of snow. Shivering despite her thick winter coat made for the weather.

“There isn't going to be anyone fucking out here.” Looking around at the empty cold surroundings with not a soul in sight. Sighing at a snowflake falling down with many others following from the sky. “Please no blizzards today.” Looking up at the snow filled sky.

“Hey Bev.” She looked down for the voice. spotting the clown peeking out from a water drain clear of snow.

“What are you doing here?” Asking, but not moving from her spot to approach him.

“i went to bring you food, but you weren't home. Although, maybe you're more interested in getting out of the snow?”

“I can't. I need to sell stuff.”

“I can buy it all off you.”

“you're the reason Erik lost all that money. Even after I told you to stop doing that!” the glare she shot him having him look away momentarily.

“yes, but Henry also helped.” mentioning the fact as if it would help his case. Smile wavering under Beverly's continuing glare.

“you still don't listen.” her glare broken to look away someplace else.

“i listen! I listen a lot more than you think!” snapping once he was no longer under her angry gaze. “i listen to how you get hurt, how you cry afterwards, repeating that it will all get better eventually. I also hear every time your stomach growls when hungry, which is always. Does he notice these things?” pausing in waiting for an angry outburst from her. When none came he waited for her to give some sort of defense for Eriks side. Even that did not come up after waiting for it.

“it's really warm down here with hot food waiting for you. I'll make sure he doesn't find you gone, I promise.” offering the same as before.

Beverly stood there fighting with her own thoughts. “what will happen if I take this offer? The clown will continue harassing me like he already is? Erik thinks Im cheating anyway. Shit, this is giving me a permanent migraine.” rubbing her head of some pain. Looking up at the sky to take some last bit of cold fresh air. Taking her time to walk over to the water drain. Sitting down to slip down under the small short opening. Falling down into Pennywise's arms instead of a heavy landing at the bottom. Beverly relaxed into his hugging arms by the warmth he surrounding her in. closing her eyes about ready to fall asleep despite not wanting to.

Seeing how exhausted she was he kept on holding her. Carrying her the whole way to the warmer nest. Carrying her inside to set her down by the hot silver container of food. A huge platter of seafood on a large bed of hot rice.

“stay here. I need to do something and I'll be right back.” waiting for Beverly to get comfortable before going back to Henry. Arriving up through the well to head upstairs where Henry was found finishing off his own smaller platter of seafood. “Beverly's down below, I need you to start a new distraction.” growling impatiently when Henrys replied with an irritated groan.

“can I finish my food first?” dropping an unfinished crab leg back into the container.

“no, besides the male has more money to steal. With all the money you'll get after today you can eat whatever you want.” Henry interest peaking again at more money. Fully convinced to go when the clown picked him up off the couch like a feather.

“what should I do?” asking when his feet were planted back down on the floor.

“they're at the car shop trying to repair that rotten van. Soon as the moneys handed over you can steal it from the mechanics back room. No one working there will stop you. Lead the idiots on a chase just like the last plan.” grin stretching at ruining Eriks day even more.

“got it.” Henry waved as he went off to do his task. Pennywise rushing back to the nest to be alone with Beverly. Still working her way through the large platter. Taking bites of the fried shrimp to throw the discarded tail end back into a corner of the tray.

Eating halted when he rested his head down on her back. The rest of him laying off to her side easing her worries of what he was doing. Eating again with a nervous swallow of her last bite.

“How long will you keep this up clown?” Feeling as if she's asked this question a million times already.

“As long as it takes.” Answering confidently.

“Even when i am 90 and can't walk?”

“Yes” holding his confident tone.

“No you won't.”

“i will. How ever long it takes to free you of that pathetic suitor.”

“... I don't plan to stay with him.” Speaking her thoughts to him hesitantly.

“So you’re coming down here?!” Excitedly jolting up at the news.

“No. I haven't fully thought of what i am going to do. I'm not staying with him, but i don't plan on staying in Derry either.” Explaining her stance on things. Worried on how he may react at the new news.

“... I’ll try to return soon.” Judging by his reply he didn't take it too well. Disappearing by the time she turned to look at him.

Meanwhile Henry was again running with a heavy case of money. Stopping to lean against a tree to heavily pant for air. Startled by Pennywise grabbing his collar.

“Christ man! Stop doing that!” Wheezing on some words.

“How do you get rid of - infatuation?!” The clown needing to pause to remember the word Beverly called it.

“Uhh, it goes away on it's own?” Answering his question.

“When?!” Turning more frustrated by how the conversation was going.

“I don't know, a few weeks?”

“It's been a few weeks!” The deep snarl he gave making Henry nervous. Confused by what the clown wanted by all these sudden questions.

“M-maybe it's not that anymore?” Nervously answering under the towering clown baring teeth.

“What do you mean?” Questioning through tightly gritted teeth.

“Well if it's not going away then maybe you just like her?” Swallowing down his nervousness

“No, that can't be! I don't like anyone!” Roaring down at Henry, who was shrinking back into the tree out of fear.

“Have you ever gotten this far with anyone?” Henry asking to draw away the clowns anger some how.

“No … But it means i …” The clown trailed off into his thoughts. “My nature is changing? All due to her?” Thoughts broken by someone shouting.

“Hey asshole.” Turning to look the clown and Erik locked their eyes on each other. Surprising the human who only noticed Henry by the tree at first. “It's you!” The male shouted in shock. Turning toward Trey catching up behind. “It's the fucking clown i told you about!”

Henry, not wanting to get caught up in the meeting, bolted further into the woods. Erik shouting at Henry as he ran. “Work for the clown?! You and him are dead!” Climbing over the forest debris to reach the clown standing on sloped terrain.

“I'd like to see you try.” The clown mocked. Walking just out of view to disappear entirely. Appearing back at the nest to settle back down by Beverly Letting out a huff of air before asking the dreaded question. “When are you leaving Derry?”

“I don't know. Need to prepare past Erik first.” Beverly tapping the empty container.

“I can help with that.” Partially not wanting to, if it meant her leaving for good.

“Of course you can, but i need to do it on my own.” Pushing the empty tray away to turn over into laying on her back. “I do need you to remove the threading on my side though. I cant get it off.”

“Mm.” Humming as he leaned over her to inspect the treated side. Rubbing his hand across it until the threading fell away. Inspecting the area that was once wounded.

Beverly looking down at the area for inspection as well. Not even seeing a scar on the area. Happy to know such a knife wound wasn't going to be permanent reminder. Jumping when the clown slowly licked across the area.

“Hey! You better not be planning on leaving a bite there too!” Shoving her shirt back down to cover the area. Partially joking, but also serious on no more bites.

“Sorry, i didn't mean to leave it.” Apologizing about his bite from yesterday. “You can be very addictive.” Moving to give a lick at her exposed collar bone.

“ shut up!” Unsuccessful at being serious through her heavy blush. Pushing him back through nervous giggling. Quieted by his hands trailing up her back to raise up her shirt. Shivering at him moving back to kiss a her neck.

“I-i am serious about the biting!” Lightly shoving him to pay attention to what she said. Getting it out before they continued. He let out a confirming hum while licking further down her neck. Tongue slipping under her shirt collar to lick across her chest. Slipping off her shirt to expose her skin further to taste. Stopping suddenly to grin down at her.

“About those dreams you have.” Licking his jaws, knowing it would draw more excitement from her.

Beverly glaring through her blush. “Bastard!” Failing to hide her thoughts.

“Don't you want to try something? Aren't you tempted at all? Knowing i can do and be anything you want?” The situation having Beverly turn nervously quiet. Considering what to do or how to answer. “Shall we play the 20 questions game?” Teasing her. “I am not hearing a no.” Chuckling at her blushing silence. “Where to start?” Torturing her on the slow teasing. Taking care to read her every movement for some sort of clue. Noticing her looking away often at her no longer threaded side.

“Like my threading my little Bev?” His words causing a mild panic in her as he dug close to one dream theme. Becoming tied in a mass of webbing he set up to catch her. She didn't stay asleep long enough for him to get close though. This was going to be much different.

Eyes going wide at feeling his hands slip away from her back to feel something else going against her skin. Bringing his hands up to show they had changed. Long black slender fingers shredding through the white gloves. Each having thick silver webbing spreading out from each tip. Spreading his fingers out to cross them over having her wrapped tightly around the upper chest.

“Want more?” Asking her as a way to continue. Most of her arms were still free to move along with anything below her stomach. In her mind this was a bad idea. Reminding herself that this is exactly how spiders prepare their pray for eating.

Nervously taking a breath before giving a nod for him to continue. Watching him spread the threading around her for her whole upper body to tightly wrapped. Leaving her hands free by her sides and anywhere below her hips. Smoothing a large seem down the middle to seal the threading.

Beverly getting past the nervousness was looking over the threading. Being quite curious how it was on a larger scale aside from the nest walling. Allowing good air flow to not have her slowly roast in her own body heat. Very soft giving no irritated scratching. Incredibly strong despite her stretching or pulling to try breaking it. Halting her actions at seeing Pennywise drooling above her.

“Please, keep struggling. It makes you more appetizing.” Licking the drool off his jaws. Sucking in a nervous breath that turned into a surprised hum. Feeling one of his gloved hands slipping past the rim of her jeans. Undoing the pant buttons to slip them off for her since she was literally tied up. Removing her underwear next even faster.

Teasing her by licking longingly up her exposed thighs. Licking closer and closer up her legs toward her entrance. Rubbing his hands along her thighs to open them further.

To keep her nervousness down she laid back to stare at the ceiling. Taking handfuls of blankets or webbing to brace herself. Body jolting at the first lick across. Legs squeezing tightly at his broad shoulders. Having wedged himself between in preparation for this.

Her legs leaning up against his arms with her knees meeting his shoulders. His arms twisting underneath to rub his hands along her front outer thigh. Helping to hold her legs open during the arousing treatment.

Moaning as his licks went from teasing her entrance to entering. The long slithering tongue working to taste every inch of her. Enjoying the sweet flavor her body was feeding him. Licking deeper down to his tongue coiling inside the filling space.

The sensation driving her to the edge at record speed. Lapping up the overflow of her sweetness rushing out at her orgasm. He continued on for more of the addicting taste. Forwarding Beverly back around for another jolt she wasn't quite ready for, but wasn't about to complain. Relaxing back to enjoy the amazing treatment for much longer.

His tongue going from smooth to a rougher texture massaging along her walls. The bristles further down stretching her open for more of the tongue to invade. Filling up every part of her only to pull back for another deep lapping up into her core. Hungrily licking her clean upon each orgasmic release from her.

By the 4th round she was exhausted, but found it hard to stop him. By the time she could draw up the words to tell him only another moan would escape. Then after her 5th orgasm he finally stopped. Licking his jaws of what little sweetness from her was left.

“I need breaks.” She tiredly spoke out. Having forgotten that he didn't realize humans didn't have unending energy for sexual activities. Opening her eyes, barely awake, to see what he was doing. Watching him tear away the threading she was wrapped in. Delicately pulling her to settle into his lap surrounded by blankets.

Staying awake just long enough to settle down against him. Having completely forgotten about Erik

Pennywise relaxed back with Beverly sleeping in his arms. Beaming with pride over his mate fully fed and sexually satisfied. Looking down at her he wished this was a permanent thing, but it wasn't and she would have to leave. Thankfully not for a little while, buying her time to rest up.

“Why will you not stay?” Voice hardly a whisper his volume so low when speaking down to her. What did he have to do to convince her? He had tried everything he could think of at this point. Fed her, mated her, provided protection, warmth, offered a suitable nest she seemed to enjoy. Why wasn't he considered suitable? “at least she has admitted to not being fond of the rotten male above. That's one step. Maybe I have missed a step on the courting? I'll have to seek answers elsewhere on what to do. I could ask Henry once he gets back. Beverly would be gone by then, though. If I do get some important information off Henry I would miss my chance to try it. I can't waste the precious time I have her alone in my company.” looking down at Beverly's sleeping form. Taking great care to slowly move her fully onto the bedding. Covering her up with layers to stay warm in her sleep. Setting a gentle kiss on her cheek and then going off to again find Henry.

Startling Henry for the third time at being grabbed behind cover. Down low to the ground next to a massive fallen log.

“what now?!” Henry blurted out through his fear.

“i have questions on courting.” holding onto Henry by his jacket collar.

“right now?!”

“yesss, I don't have time to waste before I have to return her. How do you make a female stay?”

“i don't know. Give her a bunch of flowers and eventually she does?” Henry roughly explained. Even Henry knew he wasn't the best person to be asked these questions.

“gifts haven't been working! I've fed her, bedded her, gave her all the gifts and offerings I can! There has to be something I missed in the courting process!”

“i don't know what else to tell you man. she doesn't like you back?”

“impossible!” Pennywise roared. “ there has to be something else!”

“fuck I dunno, give her better gifts?”

“YOU THINK I DON'T GIVE GOOD GIFTS?!” Henry was smashed down into the floor. The statement before sounding like an insult.

“no,no,no, It- it's maybe they're not good for her – she likes other things – ask her for things she wants!” the human underneath stumbling over his words. Hissing at the nonhuman claws digging into his shoulders.

“ugh! You're useless!” the clown growled as he stepped away from the cowering Henry. Leaving him without any answers to solving his problems with Beverly. Nor how to remove the pained feeling in his chest whenever she left.

Back at the nest he walked up to Beverly still sleeping. Laying down next to her with a gentle pull of her body close to his. Burying his face into her red hair for a deep inhale of her scent. Enjoying the sweet scent while he could. Waiting anxiously for her to wake or for the time he had to wake her. Releasing a low growl at her shifting awake after a time. Stretching while yawning in her laying spot. Sitting up with her arms holding the blankets close over her mostly naked form.

“you don't have to get up.” speaking gently to coax her back into resting by him. Receiving no answer from her or even a look toward him. Back facing him sitting with knees to her chest covered in a few blankets. He sat himself up next to her, holding the urge to touch her.

“... here's the money.” holding out a huge wad of cash to her. Remembering he was suppose to give her the amount after thinking about “better” gifts. Thinking back on how humans like shiny things, especially coins. Thus leading back to the money promise. She glanced at the wad with a hesitant taking of it, quickly counting it out. “is it enough?” asking her to be sure.

“it's fine … how much money did you take from Erik?” asking, still without a look to him. The question leaving Pennywise momentarily quiet out of unwillingness to be scolded again for it.

“... a lot.” keeping his answer simple to slide past her anger in some way.

“Eriks going to make me sell this junk daily because of you.” speaking down toward the money in monotone. The clown slumping down into the bedding waiting for her to continue. “you better be waiting with hot coffee when I come.” her final sentence warming his chest. Sitting back up to pull her into his lap. Kissing the side of her face down to her neck. When he gave a small nip to her collar bone she gave him a smack to his chest. “don't bite!” she scolded. Quieting down to a kiss on the lips pushing her down into the bedding.

Beverly interrupted the kissing with a hand pressing him back. “there are still rules you have to follow, pen. You're still not allowed at the apartment. You can see me if i am out of the apartment, but if I don't come out then don't come find me.” hearing him let out a confirming hum into her neck. “pen you better be listening.” almost losing her own train of thought as he grinded between her legs. “and!” interrupting his movements to make sure he listened. “you can't pick me apart for information anymore! I'll tell you if I want you to know something! You need to stop pissing off Erik, because i am tired of dealing with it all later.” feeling him nod against her hand holding him back. “and don't bite!” scolding him again at feeling him nip at the wrist. Pulling it away from him only momentarily stopping his action. Beverly letting out an annoyed sigh when he moved to nibbling along her jaw.

Allowing him to continue as long as the bites didn't leave a mark. Her thoughts debating on if this was a good idea. “he's going to bother me either way. This way there will be boundaries easier for him to follow. Less trouble for me along with less freezing snow to stand in. calmed him down to maybe stop messing with Erik. finally have Erik calm down enough to let me do things. Will be easier to find a way of leaving.”

#It (2017)#pennywise #beverly marsh #pennywise x beverly marsh #beverly still kicks pennywise's ass #between two voids ch 14 #12 years after movie

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telling-our-stories · 5 years

Text

Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I “don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

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murasakiyuzu · 5 years

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List your top 5 Anime Characters, then tag 10 people

thanks for tagging me @glassmoonfortuneteller! sorry it took be a while to do this lmao -w-

in no particular order bc that would kill me:

1. Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu!!)

i love every single character in this heckin anime, but oikawa rly messes up w all my feelings. im too weak for characters w gap moe, even if its the ‘looks very nice, is actually a bit of a demon’ kind and not the other way around, lmao. the thing abt oikawa is that he twists in and out of himself; he is handsome, charismatic and endearing at first glance, but hes also cunning and easily overcome by feelings of jealousy, inferiority and egoism. even so, hes an observant and hardworking leader who places his strength on the strength of his team as a whole, never thinking himself higher than his teammates. oikawa looks like he got everything easily, looks like hes a genius, but everything he has he worked very hard for. oikawa built himself to be a winner but never got the victory he wanted the most. nothing w oikawa is as it looks, and that why i cant help but love him.

2. Noiz (DRAMAtical Murder)

u knew he was going to be here, its gotta count for something that i, at least, didnt put him on number 1 too lmAO

just like oikawa, i fell victim to noizs gap moe as well. i mean, u give me a delinquent in weird clothes whos rude to everyone, pushy and even violent, and then turns out hes like a little kid at heart who buys foods without knowing their names, who doesnt know when to stop fighting bc he doesnt feel pain and no one ever cared abt his safety and thinks hes a monster bc of his insensitivity and silently suffers bc of it, ofc im gonna lay down my life for him. im gonna die for noiz ya hear me

theres not many scenes in anything that fucks me up more than the scene (that didnt make into the anime, sob) where he fights w aoba as theyre hiding in the oval tower, and then he tells aoba abt his insensitivity to pain and aoba pulls him down to him and tells noiz the world isnt as bad as he thinks and makes noiz slowly open up to him and learn from aoba how is it like to care abt someone else. its beautiful to see him, whos so young but is both hardened by the ugliness of the world hes seen and ignorant to the good things the world still has to offer, finally open himself up and make the first steps towards growth, and meaning to grow beside the one he fell in love with. im soft. my heart was found full of love.

3. Olivier Mira Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

ive been in love w this woman since i first read the manga and when i watched the anime i died, thats the story

just like haikyuu!!, i love every single character in this anime, like, im physically Incapable of hating any of them. but olivier stands out for me. i think theres people who prolly had a bad impression from her as she antagonized ed and al right when she showed up, but young me was in awe of her attitude and her strong resolve in seeing for herself what ed and al were worth. shes known as ‘the ice queen of briggs’ and she leads her men with an iron fist, but its also clear that shes fair and values the life of every one of her subordinates, like when buccaneer and the others were late in coming back to the surface after their rescue mission and thought they would be left for dead, only to find that olivier had subtly made sure they would be received any time they came back.

her confidence in her own judgement, how she dealt w miles’ conflict as an amestris soldier and part ishvallan and the way she doesnt rly give a fuck abt whats lawful and correct and goes through with the things she herself considers right, are all things i love so much abt her. when i was a kid i even tried to get my hair to be like hers LMAO

tldr; queen of my life

4. Kinomoto Sakura (Cardcaptor Sakura)

cardcaptor sakura was my first true anime. i did watch saint seiya and naruto on tv around that time as well, but cardcaptor sakura was the first one i actually watched in full and then rewatched again and again and obsessed over, lmao.

i was rly, rly young then. not a baby anymore, def; i was about 10-12? it was an age at which i was building my own personality. honestly, at that point in time i think i was already kinda Messed Up, lmao; id get on Moods and be rly depressed and then super cranky, and i was always socially awkward. sakura made a huge impression on me; it just seemed like her attitude made everything better. she talked to everyone and had lots of friends and it seemed like she had a lot of fun like that. i tried to be more cheerful like that (i wanted roller blades too but i dont live in a place where i can use it a lot, and my parents never bought it for me lmao), and while i never got the hang of being super bright to Everyone and im still kind of moody, i think she rly taught me to be lighter and not take myself too seriously, to always try to see the bright side of things and believe that everything will be alright.

5. Nino (ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka)

thats not an anime a lot of people watched, i think, and on that note, if @ u all didnt watch it, GO WATCH ACCA ITS SO GOOD UR LOSING OUT???, so theres prolly not a lot of people who would put nino in their top 5 favorite characters lmao

but hes absolutely worthy of it. its fascinating to see the mystery of his identity and actions throughout the anime slowly unravel itself. i even wrote a oneshot that delved into what he was doing and what he was thinking as the events of the show progressed, trying to fill the blanks that the canon didnt show. ill try not to be spoilery w this one bc i want u all to find out for urselves, but i love ninos intelligence, his attitude and his strong loyalty, and in that loyalty, the conflict he feels between his duty and his desire. the episode that shows his past is one of my favorites bc its so heartrending. i love how naturally he fits in with jean and lotta and how the three of them look like a family. anyway, watch acca and love nino w me ♡

I’m tagging @lithuanina, @satyr-syd, @realm-of-spells, and thats it bc im not in contact w a lot of people and tumblr is apparently not letting me tag some others either lmao rip

#feel free to ignore -v-#mumbling yuzu

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laurens-lil-fics · 6 years

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hi again it’s me! so i was wondering if you could please do a fanfic on a modern au where firefighter!peter quill gets some burn marks on his chest and his stomach and almost all over his body, and the reader is a beautiful (yet very sexy) nurse, who heals peter up, and falls in love with him?

Heckie yes!

Stay with me. Stay with me.

That was the first thing Peter heard that voice say. He could hear the desperation in her voice, maybe it’s what set her words apart from the others. The raw emotion.

This was an off day for Peter, 10 years as a firefighter you think he’d be prepared for just about anything. And yet here he was, blinking in and out of consciousness in the hospital.

How did he know it was a hospital? For starters those ugly fluorescent lights. He saw them in his nightmares, when he’d dream of his mother. The blinding white walls were another tip. Lastly were the dozens of voices surrounding him, making him feel claustrophobic.

He was caged like an animal, a wounded animal. Then he heard her voice again.

You need to steady your breathing. Breathe with me. In and out… Just like that.

The oxygen mask pressed to his face made him panic, just for a moment, then he focused on her voice once more.

In and out… Shhhh…

The burning on his chest ripped him out of his haze, thrusting him back into the real world. He screamed into the oxygen mask, the ringing in his ears drowning out her voice.

His eyes, wild and panic stricken, bounced around the room, looking at the people and the machines surrounding him. He just barely made out someone shouting about morphine.

Movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention. His head whipped in that direction as the stranger took a needle to his IV.

The woman standing over him set the empty needle aside and looked down at him. Her hair was pulled out of her face, there was sweat on her brow and heavy bags under her eyes.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever scene.

Another blast of pain had him surging forward. She pressed her hands to his shoulders and forced him to lay back with all her might.

Peter swore those ugly as fuck fluorescent lights formed a halo around her head, maybe it was the morphine.

You’ll be okay… You’re gonna be okay.

He breathed hard and watched her hover above him for a moment longer until his body began to relax. His eyes slowly fluttered shut and he drifted off into a long, dreamless sleep.

Why do breezes sigh every evening… whispering your name as they do…

And why have I the feeling, stars are on my ceiling… I know why and so do you…

It wasn’t the aches in his body or the natural sunlight streaming into his room that woke him up. It was that voice bringing him back to reality.

Peter slowly opened his eyes, wincing at just how bright the daylight was despite the rain clouds forming outside. He looked around the room, familiarizing himself with the space.

Even though he knew she would be there he still froze in place when he saw the woman from the night he was brought in.

She looked a lot more put together this time. She looked like she had gotten some rest since their last encounter. The woman was completely focused on her clipboard and her singing, she didn’t notice Peter was awake until he attempted to sit up in his bed.

“When you dance with me, I’m in heaven when the music- Oh my gosh. Don’t do that.” She set her clipboard on his bedside table and moved to his side as quick as a flash. She rested her hand on his shoulder and gently laid him back onto the bed.

“You need to take it slow,” she said, pulling the remote for the bed from its velcro strap on the wall and showing it to him. “This button will help you sit up… You have severe burns on your torso. You can’t put strain on yourself.”

Peter pressed onto the small arrow button, wincing as the bed began to adjust to his control. Before he could even thank her she left the room, mumbling something about getting him some food.

He sat there for a couple minutes, blankly staring at the tv mounted on the wall. It was playing one of those cook off shows. He usually hated them, but he assumed the nurse had put it on and decided to sit through the yelling and the over the top panic.

She stepped back into the room, setting a tray of food down on the table above his lap.

“I read on your medical records you have no food allergies, so this should be fine… unless you’re on one of those weird gluten free diets…” she trailed off, moving the tray closer to him.

Peter chuckled softly, wincing when he felt his chest ache from the quick movement. He took a sip of the ice water she brought him and sighed happily.

He looked up at her, not really knowing what to say as she began unboxing his meal. Of course his mouth always ran a mile a minute out of his control.

“I’m not like… Like all Freddy Krueger-y am I…?” he asked, motioning to his face.

I’m a fucking idiot.

The nurse laughed and glanced at him, giving him a onceover as she shook her head. “Never heard that term for severe 3rd degree burns before… but no, you’re not all Freddy Krueger-y. Your chest is a little worse for wear… but with some time and a lot of pain meds and aloe vera it’ll be fine.”

She retrieved her clipboard from the other side of his bed and pointed at one of the many buttons on the bed’s remote. “My name’s (Y/n), if you need anything just press this button. I’ll be right back to check on you once you’re done eating.”

Peter looked her over as she left the room, smiling to himself once she was gone.

Once he was done ripping into his food he could feel himself beginning to doze off. He growled to himself and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, hoping to keep himself awake until (Y/n) got back.

He hadn’t realized he dozed off until the sound of little white sneakers on the linoleum floors stirred him.

(Y/n) stood over him, getting the tray together as quietly as she could. She stopped once she realized her patient had woken up and gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, Mr. Quill.”

“You don’t have to apologize… and you can call me Peter….” he said, feeling butterflies in his stomach when her smile brightened.

“Well, Peter, looks like that turkey has you ready for a nap.” she said, preoccupying herself with the messy tray he had left. “I’m a little surprised, not everyone finishes their food here. Can’t really blame them though, hospital food’s always a little rough.”

“Yeah… I used to visit my mom in the hospital a lot, so I pretty much lived off of it for a while.” he sighed, shifting under the covers only to wince and whine in pain from the burns on his chest.

(Y/n) quickly moved the table aside and stood over him, gently moving his hands away as he clutched his chest.

“Here, let me go ahead and change out these bandages…” she plucked a new roll of bandages from the cabinet on the other side of the room and returned to him. She carefully helped him sit up straight and untied the front of his hospital gown.

Peter heard the heart monitor quickening and screamed at himself to calm the hell down and let the woman do her job. But damn, the way her fingers brushed over his skin as she took off his bandages had him fighting back the burning in his cheeks.

The sight of the burns on his chest were enough to knock his head out of the clouds and send him back to reality. (Y/n) held up a small tube of ointment, warning him that it would probably sting.

After getting a dollop on her fingertips she began gingerly massaging the medicine onto his burns. Sure enough Peter grunted in pain and held his bottom lip between his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut while (Y/n) worked.

“It’s best to let it all out… How about you keep talking, that’ll take your mind off it.” she suggested.

Peter nodded, racking his brain for something, anything to talk about.

“W-Whenever I got sick of the hospital food… m-my grama would being me something…” he said through his gritted teeth, continuing their conversation from earlier. “I think my fav-fuck… my favorite were these grilled cheeses she’d make… she’d always bring em by wrapped in foil… with some tomato soup in tupperware…”

(Y/n) wiped what was left of the ointment onto a tissue and began wrapping Peter’s chest, giving him a small smile. “Sounds like someone’s getting hungry again.”

Peter couldn’t help but chuckle as he breathed through the fading pain. He breathed a sigh of relief once she finished and laid back into the bed.

“Those should heal up in the next week… Hopefully applying that ointment won’t be as painful, it only gets easier from here.” (Y/n) said, her fingers working on retying his hospital gown.

“I’m kind of a baby when it comes to pain, sorry if I’m a little difficult.”

“No, no, it’s alright.” She assured him, gently rubbing his shoulder. “Don’t be afraid to let me know if you’re in any pain. I’m here to take care of you.”

The corners of Peter’s lips quirked up into a small smile and he gave her a slight nod. He sighed happily and laid his head back, relaxing into the bed once she left the room.

The rest of the week was basically the same routine; Peter would wake up, (Y/n) would bring him his meals, change his bandages, then he’d go to sleep. But in between all that Peter tried his best to make small talk with her, get to know her more.

He dropped that sneaky “Oh your boyfriend must be so proud” line the third day in. He almost jumped out of bed when she corrected him, saying she wasn’t dating anyone.

With the burns on his chest already healing he knew he’d be out of the hospital soon. He wasn’t too distraught, he could try to get (Y/n)’s number. Hell, screw “try” he was gonna do it.

His last afternoon in the hospital finally rolled around. His check out was scheduled for 3, it was currently 11.

She’s gonna bring me my lunch, Im gonna ask her for her number, it’ll be fine…

The door to his room opening put the biggest smile on his face, but it dropped once he saw a different nurse walk into the room with his tray of food.

“Good morning, Mr. Quill. How are we feeling today?”

“I… I’m good, is (Y/n) not here today?” Peter asked, looking behind the nurse to see if (Y/n) had trailed in after her.

The nurse frowned and shook her head. “No, I’m afraid she caught the flu from one of her other patients. She won’t be coming in today.”

Peter felt his heart drop out of his chest and into his stomach, along with all hope of ever going on a date with (Y/n).

“But,” she continued, setting the tray down on his table. “She did bring this by a little earlier… I’ll be right back to check on you when you’re done.” She smiled, turning and leaving the room.

Peter eagerly sat up and pulled the table closer, unboxing the food. He smiled wide, realizing what she had sent for him.

A grilled cheese wrapped in foil, and a glass pyrex bowl of tomato soup. A small, folded slip of paper sat between the two and he quickly unfolded it.

I’m willing to make a house call once I get over the flu. Call me.

Sure enough, the seven digits of her phone number along with a small heart sat under her message.

#peter quill #peter quill imagine #peter quill x reader #peter quill au #firefighter au #GotG #gotg fic #gotg imagine #gotg fanfiction #chris pratt

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lottalex · 5 years

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1/1/2019~reflection

yo, so im not really sure how to do this. I think I just made a random Tumblr to let the feelz out. because your girl gotta lotta them. hence the lotta lex. but I am still not comfortable with people seeing my shit that I know because putting my feelings out to the world that sees me in every day life is fucking terrifying.

SO. basically, I am just her to reflection my life the last year because it is now 2019 and that is the basic girly thing to do ~*~*~

Jan- wtf even happened in January of last year. gimme a sec to look at my pictures. pretty sure thats when I riddled with anxiety constantly and crying alone in my apartment while my ex-boyfriend went out all the time with his friends and I hated my life. lets check. my god, first of all I was fat. and had black hair and bangs. (tf did no one stop me for.) HOWEVER, my sweet angel nephew was born and I got to cry as I held him for the first time and fell in love with him. I remember being so terrified that my bff would have an ugly baby but that bitch had to outdo us and produce the cutest lil human. god bless. I started my journey on being a vegetarian on this day last year. which was amazing and I could see my body changing while knowing I was helping the planet. that being said, it’s time to return to that. Contemplated chopping my hair off. clearly going thru a lil crisis at this point lol. my other best friend found out her bf was talking to anther girl and I had to hold all that shit in because I was angry. and did she leave? nah, ya girl didn't but its alright hit up May on here I’m sure you’ll see how she got him back lol. alright so Jan wasn’t the worst. pretty good bc of the bean.

Feb- Ain’t got no clue wtf went on here. I remember my ex took the day off work to watch a fucking soccer game on valentines day instead of coming to see me lol. Jacqui came to visit during this time apparently lol nice. Yes, omg I fucked called into work and went to St. Louis and SMASHED some Korean bbq. fuck that sounds so fire right now. we played overwatch which is always fun. I didn’t get chosen for an animal caregiver position lol. getting skinnier. got the lush shampoo and conditioner bars. might have to hit those up again but they made my hair so greasy in korea. omg donghyun and I started being friends, jacqui was talking to some super hot Korean boy too. sad that didn’t work out for her lol. God, im so happy I went through my pictures. I forgot that February was the time that my best friend and I decided to take the biggest fucking risk of our lives and study in Korea for the summer. my mom was so fucking supportive. I will never delete those screenshots. My sister realized she was depressed and we got her some meds. woo. I made work friends and played dungeons and dragons like a fucking nerd and I love it.

March- ayyyye, I think this is where my anxiety got high as fuck about korea which was amazing lol such a fucking shitty time in my life. low-key worth it tho. I made a chicken Alfredo lasagna for my friends and it was fire. I should make that again. so many veggies and dog pics. love both of those things. I CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF WOW. I FORGOT. damn, that shit was short. Ashley finally starting coming around again. lol broke Zach’s phone and Ashley’s tooth on st. Pattys day. go team. doggo had to get heart worm shots. that shit was 1700 bucks and she had a weird patch shaved on her back lol. my grandparents got me a fucking sweet coffee pot for Christmas and I finally started using it. I need to break it out again, WE SENT OUR DEPOSIT FOR OUR APARTMENT IN KOREA OMFG I WANNA CRY I LOVE IT. started doing yoga too. another thing I need to get into again.

April- went home for easter. wore a black bra with a yellow sweater. the beginning of disappointing my stepmom’s side of the family lol. got my luggage for korea omfg I wanna cry looking at these. it makes me so happy. lots of bts pics. still love them. just highly glad im not as obsessed anymore. god, more screenshots of my fabulous mother being loving and supportive of my every move. guess who I cant say that for? my dad lol. damn, this is the month my anxiety fucking attacked me. I couldn't sleep. I would cry for hours alone. I thought I was going to get my house broken into. I was paranoid someone was watching me. just a really shitty time. but, I had lots of things to look forward to and I didn't even know.

may- this was my fucking month. Jesus, this is gonna be a crazy ride. omg trying to purchase BTS tickets with our whole fam for jacqui to be the only one to get one lol. and then my sweet mother again hitting up Stubhub and buying us tickets for $1,000. she cray but I was so thankful. I held a snake, nice. I quit my job and moved home for like 3 weeks prior to Korea. I. babysat. all. the. time. I had Wyatt and Navie. and I got in trouble for coming home and babysitting because my boyfriend at the time wanted me to pay attention only to him. he wanted me to not make any money before I left. nothing. the new bts album came out and its still my favorite one so far. I woke up early as fuck and listened to the whole thing with jacqui. we put headphones in and texted with every song we listened to. my god, im thankful for that bitch. decided that month that I wouldn’t stay at my old apartment and that I would move in with Jesse. saving me quite a bit of cash. went to Chicago before we left for korea for a concert and we brought the boys lol what a mistake. ex and I fought the entire time. he was such a dick to me before I left for korea and im not sure if he even sees it to this day. but I had the worst drink ever at a bar in Chi. we rode bikes along the lake. BFF attempted to get her hair done and it was all fucked up and she had to fix it. had a karaoke night with her family which was fun. had to leave my doggo, not so fun. drove the airport with my family (& at this point by family I just mean my mom, stepdad and siblings because is my dad really a parent at this point lol). BFF and I left for korea. traveled to Canada where their money smells like maple syrup lol. started taking anxiety pills finally. got to mother fucking South Korea. had to climb up six flights of stairs with 3 suitcases each lololololol. couldn’t get real food anywhere because jacqui and I were anxious motherfuckers and wouldn’t go in anywhere to order. got a Korean phone number. oh, also broke up with my boyfriend two days before I left. I didn’t break up with him but yeah. also found out he was talking to girls on snapchat a lot. thats was fun. my mental breakdowns at that time were fun. but I was kinda happy because it took a lot of pressure off me for korea and all and all it was for the best. we weren’t happy and hadn’t been for a long time.

June- OH JUNE. so many things. KOREA. Jacqui and I found our home restaurant in korea and I hope if we go back it’ll still be there. best 김치찌게 ever. met other foreign people one night out. got super fucking drunk on alcohol in hongdae somewhere that I dont even remember lol. Also, that was the night I met the first Korean dude I kissed. he was nice. English not so good. Jacqui met that josh kid. god I hope I never forget that. dude was a creeper. and the next night I broke my fucking wrist and dislocated my wrist and elbow AND snapped the elbow ligament all over a motherfucking Korean American boy. drunk Lexie is and always will be a mess hahahahaha. so had to go to the ER via Korean taxi where I almost passed out because they wouldn't let me drink water. had to cry in front of a lot of Koreans. got my arm set back into place without any anesthesia. but I found a billboard cutout of BTS on the way home lol. had to make my parents decide if I should stay in korea for surgery or come back to the states. mind you I was not even a week into being in korea hahah. this is why my dad fucking hates me im sure of it. attempted to explore a lil more. I feel bad for jacqui. she had to take care of me throughout all of this and I was fucked up on pain meds. she's a good egg that one. had surgery in korea. missed the first few days of class lol. found the fucking best popsicles ever in the hospital. made my dad pay 9,000 dollars for my surgery. found a bomb ass American restaurant. RIP I miss u. awh, omg Dasol. my bird. learned I loved cold noodles. especially in the heat of June Jesus H. tai kwon do was also lit. cute instructors bless. Jacqui’s drunk tinder date that turned into my date lol hey Daniel. got my cast off and got the brace. met meerkats and wallabies. finally had sex with someone besides my ex.

ok ok this too much. I gotta clean now ill be back for the other six months lol

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r0rorowurboat · 6 years

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All of them!

200: My crush’s name is: n/a lmao199: I was born in: naples, fl198: I am really: gay?? idk197: My cellphone company is: t mobile196: My eye color is: green/blue/gray/idk man195: My shoe size is: 7 1/2 8 sometimes194: My ring size is: um i think that was 7 too but i dont remember193: My height is: 5′4″192: I am allergic to:pineapples and penicillin191: My 1st car was: a v old red saturn190: My 1st job was: a waitress189: Last book you read: um i think it was uhhhhhh shit uhhhh god fuck it was the warrior cats book but!!! it was bc i was stuck at my sister house with nothing but bibles or that series to read188: My bed is: an air mattress atm187: My pet: is perfect and i love her her name is luna and shes a little black cat who loves cuddles and kisses186: My best friend:is wonderful and i love him185: My favorite shampoo is: uhm. error i hardly ever use shampoo bc i have v dry curly hair and it makes it horrible184: Xbox or ps3: pc boi183: Piggy banks are: cure182: In my pockets: they dont make pockets in womens fashion wtf are you on. but uh. usually my phone, wallet, and keys181: On my calendar: i.. dont.. have one. 180: Marriage is: alright i guess. tax benefits179: Spongebob can: do that annoying laugh 178: My mom: tries v hard177: The last three songs I bought were? *squints* i think... it was keshas new album?176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQuR8LVKhUE175: How many cousins do you have? 2174: Do you have any siblings? yes i have 3 older sisters173: Are your parents divorced? yeup172: Are you taller than your mom? nope171: Do you play an instrument? not anymore but i used to play clarinet170: What did you do yesterday? uhm spent the day at home as usual[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: nah man168: Luck: to an extent i guess?167: Fate: i dont think so. 166: Yourself: sometimes165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: nah163: Hell: nah162: God: nah161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: nah159: Ghosts: hmmm probably158: Gay Marriage: yes!157: War: no156: Orbs: orbs?? what are those?? like in ghost hunter shows? bc if so then no155: Magic: hm. what type? i think theres stuff we dont know about but idk if id call it magic. I think certain things have more power than we give credit. idk its hard to explain.[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: redheadsredheadsredheads150: Blondes or Brunettes: hmmmm blondes i guess?149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: hmmm oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: usually sneakers tbh but uhhh i own more heels then flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: hm i mean i guess sweet and poor? im already poor so137: Coke or Pepsi: i dont drink soda, water. or coffee136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: cremated134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: um. walmart? 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who?131: Small town or Big city: hm idk. probably city? 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither pls128: Manicure or Pedicure: hmmm manicure probs.127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the east coast but idk west coast is home to a lot of friends so hmmmm126: Your Birthday or Christmas: its like a week apart there isnt much difference125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: i dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: icky121: George Bush: memes?120: Gay Marriage: im gay119: The presidential election: my vote didnt matter!118: Abortion: its your body your choice117: MySpace: never had one116: Reality TV: i mean, its fake? entertaining tho115: Parents: eh. 114: Back stabbers: icky113: Ebay: cheap stuff112: Facebook: only for family tbh111: Work: pays the bills110: My Neighbors: dont know them109: Gas Prices: expensive108: Designer Clothes: overpriced107: College: wish i could afford it!106: Sports: nah105: My family: haha104: The future: haha[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: my grandma a few days ago102: Last time you ate: pizza a few hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: moving day seeing my extended family again100: Cried in front of someone: the other night with my mom or uhhh in call with kina today actually99: Went to a movie theater: wow uh pretty long time ago i dont actually remember98: Took a vacation: haha idk man97: Swam in a pool: wow uh idk96: Changed a diaper: hm last time i was with the twins. not sure how long its been. maybe 2 or 3 months?95: Got my nails done: when did my sister get married? years ago idk94: Went to a wedding: ^^93: Broke a bone: never have92: Got a peircing: about a year ago91: Broke the law: heh uh 90: Texted: a few hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably kina or riley rn88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom tbh. the kids. wyatt. 87: The last movie I saw: the orphan86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: hm idk getting a job i guess85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting a job lmao84: People call me: by my name. but i have nicknames now!! Ray, rachi, babe, ray baby... its very nice and makes me feel warm and fuzzy and loved83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmmm clean? be honest about things that are bothering me? idk82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn sun aquarius moon80: The first person i talked to today was: the gc i think?79: First time you had a crush: i was v young and they had freckles and red hair and i died78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: um i try not to hide things in general! but someone who will call me out recently is raiken and archie lmao77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: riley lmao tho i beat her to it

76: Right now I am talking to: riley75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i am grown up technically. uh. hopefully be an animator74: I have/will get a job: as a cashier probably73: Tomorrow: i have a job interview and then im gonna get coffee72: Today: was a long day71: Next Summer: hmmm idk70: Next Weekend: IDK GOD69: I have these pets: a cat!! who i love!!! and already gushed about but shes laying on my lap and purring rn and its so soothing68: The worst sound in the world: scratching against those uhhhh holographic things???? god i hate it67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hmnn my dad haha66: People that make you happy: my friends!!! Kina, Ali, Archie, Riley, Leo, Raiken, Mimi...... all of them good pals the squad my faves i love them65: Last time I cried: today rip64: My friends are: GOOD AND AMAZING I LOVE THEM63: My computer is: big! and i like it62: My School: none61: My Car: ded from the hurricane rip me60: I lose all respect for people who: are shitty? idk. 59: The movie I cried at was: hmmmm idk movies dont usually make me cry58: Your hair color is: uhm it was really dark blue but as the color has faded it kind of looks black/brown now57: TV shows you watch: a lot of them56: Favorite web site: uh i guess tumblr55: Your dream vacation: not being here!! probably just going around visiting everyone and hanging out having a good time54: The worst pain I was ever in was: tearing a ligament in my knee it hurt a lot53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy51: My favorite celebrity is: ummm idk50: Where would you like to be: home tbh49: Do you want children: idk48: Ever been in love: ye47: Who’s your best friend: hhhhhhhhhhhh raiken46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls and nb babes45: One thing that makes you feel great is: just hanging out with people tbh44: One person that you wish you could see right now: i guess that would be my mom haha43: Do you have a 5 year plan: i did once. idk what happened to it haha i guess things never really go according to plan and it just hurts more to make one. just set goals, not plans.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: i did once but i dont think i have the same values as i did when i made that41: Have you pre-named your children: i used to but idk if i want kids anymore40: Last person I got mad at: ummmm hmm 39: I would like to move to: hmm somewhere with 4 seasons not just summer and less hot summer38: I wish I was a professional: artist[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: kit-kats36: Vehicle: um idk small ones i guess35: President: obama? idk34: State visited: ooohhh michigan33: Cellphone provider: ive only ever had the one so idk32: Athlete: uh31: Actor: uh30: Actress: uh29: Singer: hmmmmmmmm rn i would have to say Bea Miller but check back with me in a week28: Band: The Silent Comedy27: Clothing store: hmmmm cotton on has really comfy clothes26: Grocery store: target or publix25: TV show: rn? bnha24: Movie: hhhhhh um idk uhhhhh moulin rouge i guess? it used to be my fav but idk anymore23: Website: tumblr22: Animal: elephants21: Theme park: epcot20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: none18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: hmmmmm A Monster Calls15: Day of the week: none14: Beach: hh13: Concert attended: never been12: Thing to cook: uh i guess eggs11: Food: sushi10: Restaurant: its a really good sushi place with bubble tea and thai donuts that i dont remember the name of9: Radio station: hhh idk8: Yankee candle scent: idk7: Perfume: i dont really like perfume it gives me headaches6: Flower: ooooh gardenia5: Color: blue/green teal4: Talk show host: john oliver3: Comedian: hh2: Dog breed: hmmm husky? also labradors and uhhh all dogs tbh ohhh pitbulls and rottweilers i love dogs good yes1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye mostly

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