#but i have been so unwell recently

[bluejayfiction]

"If Ryan climbed on me, we could take on Goatman." - The Famous Last Words of Shane Madej

Ghost Files Live - Glasgow (25.04)

📸 by Me

[ghastlyaffairs]

for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of

also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut

the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)

[thresholdbb]

Beloved little one-on-ones between Janeway and B'Elanna, we hardly knew ye

[cadaverkeys]

No fucking way I have COVID again I'm gonna kick everyone on the planet

[good-wine-and-cheese]

2023 Characters Wrapped, tagged by @hamaonoverdrive! Thanks for the tag :)

9 characters that have plagued my brain this year, at least as best as I can remember. In some kind of rough order?

Itou Kaiji (Kaiji) / Wolfgang Grimmer (Monster) / Dr Hoffman (Pluto)

Erich (Vaesen ttrpg) / Ginko (Mushishi) / Kotetsu (Tiger & Bunny)

Anemone (Eureka Seven) / Balsa (Moribito) / Data (Star Trek)

I will tag:

@spyromancy @lethotep @aakipple @mythbank @sircrypts and anyone else who wants to do it can take it here :)

[fightwing]

RESTRICTED : for both muses to sneak into someplace they’re not supposed to be. / @deadhooded

why is there never an evil lair in a luxury spa? just once, dick wishes an enemies base would force them to trudge through a mountain of feather-stuffed pillows. make them figure out how to swim in a well-kept jacuzzi, solve for clues in an aromatherapy shop. or hell, even a fucking build-a-bear (although with gotham's ability to warp cherished childhood memories into nightmares maybe he's okay with that idea sitting out), he's not picky! what he's really getting at, is he'd take anything that had been CLEANED in the last decade. anything that wasn't threatening to burn off all his nose hairs with the pure B U R N of underground city sewer lines. something more sludge than water drifts past his calf and dick has to repress the full body shutter that claims his senses. surely, the sludge can smell fear. " when i asked what you were up to this weekend . . . " he sidestepped a delightful bundle of mystery garbage, causing the water to change it's course and then immediately wade into the disgusts twin. UGH. " i meant something more like brunch. " but they both know that's not true. not in their family, at least, dick had known what he was signing up for, knew it now too, and maybe it says something about the fumes reaching his brain waves at a dangerous pace, but he wouldn't even change it if he could. he would, however, COMPLAIN the whole way in. " i mean -- how did you even figure THIS route out? "

[perelka-l]

okay okay okay now im thinking of a few things-

one is have you ever seen how like mob/gang meetings and fights sometimes happen in those bathhouses cos you gotta be completely naked, more difficult to conceal things like weapons etc. Thinking about Archer having the greatest honour of accompanying Giovanni to one of these. Like Wow hes so Important he gets to Escort Boss. But also!!!! he gets to look at 100% naked Giovanni. Which i guess is not new... but its not the same as seeing GIovanni stepping out of the shower to get dressed. This is sitting with the boss for A While. Buck Naked. Not to mention ARCHER is also naked like. i'm not sure how he will deal with Gio seeing him naked. Also i feel like getting into a fight with some rival group whilst buck naked with your boss is some kind of great bonding activity

THE OTHER THING THO about Archer seeing anyone else in Giovanni's bedroom- You can see his gaze harden as he throws a glare at the 'intruder'. But he would not say anything about it. He doesnt show hes upset (Gio can see him stiffen tho heheh he thinks its pretty amusing probably). Is he jealous? He tells himself he isnt. His boss can do whatever he wants obviously. But there is an anger towards the intruder for daring to encroach on his territory (and then he proceeds to have inappropriate dreams after seeing that lmao)

Tbh I didn't but I can imagine that for sure :Dc I feel like nudity between them indeed isn't much (I assume both sew each other in some terrible state at least once anyway) and also Archer is pretty professional about whole ordeal. Sights are a bonus. I think he aknowledges pretty well that he is second in command (and would like to stay here, thank you very much) so that wouldn't be that much of a surprise to accompany Giovanni or receive particular tasks. It's more like a normal part of job with bonus that isn't a paycheck but more of Giovanni's presence uwu)b

I was wondering today about Archer and whip which I find always interesting for TR. I like to think he started from the bottom so he should be efficient in using one as well. Improvised one in bathhouse, maybe? Since alas his Houndoom wouldn't be as useful as he could be in a bathhouse ;w;)a

I was pondering about Archer, Giovanni and Nanu recently bc... Well, Gio and Nanu is a Thing, but what I find impossibly amusing is that Nanu and Archer are basically opposites in every way you can possibly imagine. Tired old cat cop vs young and motivated dog mafia second in command. Whatever spectrum they are on, they are opposite, and I love it and I like to think Archer has a special sore spot towards that guy, you can even throw in potential bitterness over Nanu knowing so much more than Archer. So Archer stumbling on that guy in Giovanni's room would be very unwelcome for him (and an interesting way to test Archer for Giovanni. He can almost see the way his leash loses some slack).

Maybe he wouldn't mind other executives that much. Like *points at Ariana and Silver* tho Archer would probs offer his own help in some regards if he could.

[viulus]

Brb going insane over the implications of Harry putting the ones he cares about on such a high pedestal that he basically deifies them in his head. From comparing his ex to Dolores Dei (who has literal churches dedicated to her and is basically this world's version of Jesus) to Kim having a halo behind his head from Harry's POV...

[nerdsandbabyteeth]

Constantly trapped between I can’t wait to live away from my family and spend more time alone because I feel like my thoughts will have time to settle and I will lose my mind if I live alone because I am starting to lose a sense of self this week simply because two of my friends are away and I don’t speak to anyone much in school.

[uponasoapboxb]

i cannot see across the spider-verse on thursday or friday because i have work and then i also can’t see it on saturday or sunday because i will be at a renaissance festival :( what is this misery?

11am-7pm work days are fun until you realize you can’t really do shit because it takes the Whole Day

[poptartmochi]

submitted my application to be a substitute teacher!!!! let's go!!!!!

[datastate]

i keep skimming over that one screenshot trying to look for what i've missed... but honestly i think i've gotten all i can from it 💀

[chucktober2021]

[blackwaxidol]

I do not know what my problem is.

[deathxproof]

technically I get out of work early (compared to my usual schedule) tomorrow so I’m…. Hoping to get some writing done. or I could pass out as soon as I’m home from work because wake up early. who’s to say.

[thebibliosphere]

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.