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#but idk why the thought of even *trying* scares me
lowkeyrobin · 2 days
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hi! how are u???
i was wondering if you could do mcyt x reader where they go to an amusement park? i don't realky know the specifics :P
it's totally fine if not!
also, could i please be 🦑 anon?
your writing is so good, btw :3
ooo okay I can try! ; and welcome 🦑! (I'm gonna consistently think this is an umbrella academy fan goodnight 💀) hope you enjoy your stay! ; and thank you, I appreciate it! <3
MCYT ; amusement park
includes ; tommyinnit, badlinu, maxggs, quackity & slimecicle
warnings ; language
disclaimers ; idk anything about amusement parks outside kennywood and disneyworld so probably using references and names here / may be mixed up cause I don't remember all the different places / pretend like it's in Europe for tommy, freddie & max and in america for Charlie & Quackity
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TOMMYINNIT
he's so fuckin scared of the rides with insane heights that go really fast
soooo many pictures
he will NOT be going on them unless it's to impress you (shout out university crush)
if there's any water rides he's forcing you on them 🗣🗣
he buys any snacks/food or little souvenirs you want lol
you both go home tired and lowkey sleep on the train and almost miss ur stop
you're probably vlogging too
"guys, Tommy's scared of the phantom"
"look at that fuckin thing! I'm not going on that, ill fly out!"
"true, you're a six foot twig"
"I swear to god, y/n..."
FREDDIE BADLINU
he's getting on most rides w you
he loves the swings lmao
you got a handful of pics but you're mostly living in the moment
dippin dots go crazy
you go on the little kids rides for shits and giggles and adults are looking at u like 🤨😒
yk on that Winnie the Pooh ride line there's the screens and it's like honey and u can draw on it temporarily? yall stood there for a solid 10 mins cause the long line drawing dicks and random stuff
ice cream!!!! it's so good
you make a tiktok
"wheres harry potter land??"
"....y/n were at disneyworld"
it's your mission to piss of Disney adults
MAXGGS
literally up for anything
he got you both silly sunglasses and you wore them around all day
you literally go on Kalis River Rapids twice because why not
you SPRINT for Tianas Bayou Adventure (I wanna go so bad to see this omfg)
he makes you re-ride the barnstormer like 5 times (me core)
you immediately go for the fast paced / thrilling rides like space mountain and tower of terror (ik these are different just pretend I can't remember many rides...)
then at the end of the day you do the safari ride / avatar ride / ykwim
so many cute pics and videos 💔 literally spammed ur Instagrams when u got back
ALEX QUACKITY
he does not wanna go on things like space mountain or thunder mountain bro
you make him get on them anyway unless he just genuinley doesn't want to, you'll go with a friend if there is another person with you / alone and he'll wait / vlog from a safe spot
you meet a lot of characters and get pics all day long & they were so nice 💔
"OMG Y/N ITS OLAF"
he nearly vomits after the teacups...
you go on the pirates of the caribbean ride and he tries to speak like sparrow the whole time in line
you get some little leather bracelets with each other's names on them at the end in the little store (I had one but idk where it is anymore I'm so mad)
he keeps saying "I'm not hungry" ans when u stop for food he literallt devours his ice cream and hot dog bro
"I thought u weren't hungry???"
"... I was waiting for u to want food"
CHARLIE SLIMECICLE
literally the funnest ever
he's getting on everything istg
yall chill in the swiss family tree house when u need a break from walking / grab a drink and go to the enchanted tiki room to escape the heat entirely
over food you speculate what they may add for the little villain land they're planning (holy shit so excited for this even tho I'm probably never gonna be able to go again)
haunted mansion went crazy 💀 trust the vlog is funny asf
"woahhh that ghost looks like me!"
"yeah if you were dead"
"wanna go to mickeys philharmagic after this?"
"that's across the park.."
"we can make it lol"
he's on it with the puns idek how
u want a souvenir of any kind? he's got u trust
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miana-bunnies · 11 hours
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destined
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?▹ . ! college!hanni x biker!reader
?▹ . !! mention of abuse, violence, blood, vulgar language, angst, sensitive topic, fluff
?▹ . !!! you thought things would settle down for you, but you remember that life doesn't give a fuck about you at all.. maybe it does, just a little.
?▹ . !!!! i'm that type of author who just writes what she imagined and does not take the whole process of making the story flow good like most do cuz im just lazy 🦥 so just remember that this is just written without any proper process or whateves. ps. i feel like my endings r getting weird and like- i don't think it should be an ENDING??? like u get that feeling- idk. i talk too much 😔
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"you're fucking unbelievable, y/n! don't you dare think that escaping me is a good way!"
your mother screamed furiously, running to you with a jar of milk to throw to your way as you ride your motor before revving loudly.
you scoff as the gate opens automatically for you the moment you pressed the green bottom just next to it.
"mom, cut the shit. you think screaming will solve everything? no, and this isn't gonna be solved soon if you keep screaming like a damn goat." you glared to her way, moving your motor forward before it was stopped by your mother, who desperately popped in front of you and trying to stop you.
you grimaced at the disgusting smell from her, "step out, mom! take a shower while i leave, will ya?! i'm not coming back anymore," you revved your motor again, trying to scare her with the loud sound.
it did scare her, yelling as she covers her ears with the jar of milk still in her hand.
"you asshole! fucking dickhead!" she curses you out, but it enters and leaves your ears as you finally leave the horrendous house.
as you ride away, you turn back to your mom at the distance and gave her a finger, ignoring her ear piercing screams and neverending cursing.
and you were out of that house, officially and never coming back ever again. arguments with your mother is turning horrible, violent and dangerous.
you honestly don't know why you, a 21 years old woman, are still living with your mother when you already have the capability to live independent.
but your mother apparently doesn't give a shit. claiming that she's your mother and you should be repaying her back for all the years she has taken care of you— you just did that.
you literally just paid everything for her. you gave her money, a house, a car, and a fucking land- isn't that enough to repay her? shouldn't she be glad that she has a house for herself?
you just couldn't believe her. she's acting so immature when you try to talk it out to her that you decided to live alone because you're all grown up and wanted a life for yourself.
but no, she decided to cry about it and yell at you for having the audacity to leave her alone just after having a wonderful job.
you can't believe the words that's leaving her mouth and honestly? you had enough.
did she forget the abuse and torture she caused? it left you scarred and traumatized to be even staying in the same house with her, but you bear with it because she's your damn mother.
but now, you're free, and thank the heaven, you were finally allowed to cry.
-
to take out your anger and stress, you cruised around until you got far far away from your mother.
stopping at every convenience store that you encountered, buying a drink and eat to ease your stress away, a cope to escape from reality until it turned midnight.
you checked the time, and it is almost 12 am, so you decided to just stay back at the 7-eleven store with a drink in your hand.
with your protection motor suit, you thought you'd be feeling sweaty and hot because of how thick it is, but thankfully, the night was a lot colder than usual.
you prefer a cold evening over a heat-stroking morning, and that's why you were feeling content right now as you took a sip of your drink.
after finishing your drink, you threw it into the trash can nearby and heads back to your yamaha motorcycle.
it was parked a bit far from the store, so you had to walk a little to get to your motorcycle. you didn't mind, since you enjoyed walking as much as you enjoy eating food and riding your big bike motorcycle.
it was a black yamaha r3— just a good one for you to use daily to work and back. you love it so much, and it became your baby basically.
too bad, you don't have a special someone who could be your company backpack to ride around, but..
you just don't mind at all. you love being alone most of the time, that's why.
as you had already sat on your bike comfortably to watch the countless stars spread out in the dark blue sky, the peace and warmth was finally engulfing you like a warm blanket.
no nagging and definitely no cursing towards you was heard.
you smiled, until you heard a short scream from a distance and your smile dropped to turn your head to where the sound came from.
coming from behind the store, you see a woman running frantically from a group of men who cursed and was holding a some sort of a weapon. a dangerous one at that, and there's five of them-
before you could process everything, the woman had already saw you and immediately rushed towards you, gripping onto your arm as she heaves unevenly and legs trembling badly. "p-please, help me!" she begs.
you could see tears in her eyes and the way her whole body trembling in terror and fear. you instantly stepped down from your motorcycle to cover the stranger from getting wacked by one of the gang's bat.
he harshly hit your head, though it was protected with your helmet, the impact was still stronger and you almost got stumbled onto the stranger before she caught you with a cry of worry. you grunt before raising your leg to kick the man and taking his bat as he falls to the ground with a curse with his gangs got furious.
"fuck.. you swing that bat real good, but i can crack your balls in just a second, boss." you glared through the tinted screen of your helmet, ignoring the pain on your head. the woman whimpered in terror behind you, gripping onto your clothes as she hides from the angry gang.
the larger man, who seem to be the leader, chuckle maliciously as he harshly pats his gang brother on his back, who was the one you just kicked earlier when he beats you with his bat. "you sound too feminine, so i'm assuming you're a woman,"
"yeah, no shit." you bit back, your grip around the bat handle tightened. the gang laughed mockingly at you, but you ignored it and slightly turned your head to the woman behind you, keeping your eyes on the men.
"call the police, i can't take them all by myself." you mumbled to her, voice loud enough just for her to hear. she quickly did as you told her, frantically taking out her phone and dials the police.
you turned back to the men, especially the leader.
"how about you leave us ladies alone, gentlemen?" you confidently said as you opened your screen to see them better, but they continued to laugh mockingly.
the bulky one beside the leader snorts, "sorry, beautiful lady- but we need that woman behind you. you see, she left something very bad to us.. and we were hurt, so we just wanted to teach her a lesson."
he gave you a disturbing smile, causing you to sigh tiredly, still hearing the stranger behind you mumbling to the phone. you take one step forward before you removed your helmet, revealing your bruised face that you got from your mother.
just purple bruise over your cheek and a swollen corner lip with a red cut.
"hey, what lesson are you shitting about? are you fucking kidding me, huh?" you cursed and gave your helmet to the stranger behind you before swinging your bat towards the leader who barely dodged your hit.
you hit his chin, causing him to wobble back and held his bleeding chin with a pained groan. his gang members suddenly turned aggressive and started running towards you, ready to teach you a lesson.
but all of the sudden, the sound of the siren was heard nearby and cops finally arrived.
"HEY! GET BACK HERE, MOTHER FUCKERS!" the gang, instead of rushing towards you, decided to run away from the cops, who cursed at them after what they had witnessed.
you and the stranger behind you stood there blankly, watching as the chase occurred. you wondered if they witnessed what you did to the man as well, but decided to let that go, as you instantly instructed the girl to wear your helmet.
confused, she obeyed and wore the helmet while you got on your bike before she followed suit. upon bringing up the stand and turning it on, you immediately dashed away out of the cops and gang's sight.
-
stopping in front of some random building, you pushed down the stand and the stranger behind you immediately scurries off the bike when she hears you gagging and heaving unevenly.
when she did, you followed suit with a little rush in your movement and instantly, bending to the side to vomit the contents from your stomach.
tears fell as the churning in your stomach was a bit painful for you to handle right now with all the stress.
"h-hey," she stutters, worried engulfed her as she helplessly watched you vomiting almost violently. she gently pats your back and carefully pulling your hair to hold them up from your way.
you continue to heave heavily, "fuck.. can't believe i puked my guts out again." you groaned in pain, holding onto your aching head. "mother fucker,"
she frowns, but does not pause patting your back. "you should lay down first." but you shake your head, "can't-" you heave, tears still falling and slowly, your knees begin to weaken.
eventually, you were sat on the ground by the woman and you leaned against the wall as you tiredly closed your eyes and rest.
then, after a little while, your eyes fluttered open as you were met with a blurred sight of a gentle, guilty smile and brown glassy eyes. you still felt tired and exhausted, just wanted to sleep the night away until the next two days.
"you shouldn't be resting here though... it's too dirty and there's a lot of people near us."
you hear her sigh, before hearing her taking out her phone from her purse. not knowing what she's doing, you just stared at her numbly and the headache continues to intensify and the nausea is clearly there.
"dammit.." she curses, biting on her lower lip in frustration when she couldn't find any available uber taxi from the app. she turns her phone off and sighs tiredly, then turns to look at you just to see you staring at her with a saddened eyes.
it broke her heart quite literally. tears began to well up, "i am so sorry for getting you involved.. i shouldn't come near you.." she sobbed, the guilt and remorse became unbearable for her to look at your pitiful, injured state.
but just one small shake from you caused her to look down on pure guilt. a sob escapes before releasing another one and another, until she turns into a crying mess.
"i'm so sorry," she wails, leaning her body against your chest as she continues to apologize to you.
and then, you embraced her. not as tightly nor loosen as she thought— it was just a perfect grip. your trembling hand strokes the back of her head, a gesture to calm her down but it only broke her further.
"... it's fine." a word of reassurance was enough for her to cry once again.
-
"... can you stop pacing around? you're making my head hurt even more." you deadpanned as you lay on her bed, resting and watching as she keeps walking around with a guilty look on her face and biting onto her nails.
she stops, "sorry-" there, you sigh again, holding your head and closes your eyes.
"stop apologizing every single time. it's not your fault," you reminded her a hundred times in just a night, feeling helpless with this girl who can't stop apologizing and feeling bad for what happened to you.
but you don't care about it anymore, she's safe now so what more is she worried about?
"... did the bleeding stop?" she asks quietly, taking a seat on her bed next to your laying form. your eyes were still closed, and you gave a small nod to her question.
you hear her releasing a small sigh, then silence. it took you or her a full minute before both of you accidentally spoke at the same time. you opened one eye.
"you go first." nonchalantly you said.
she hesitates before starting, her averted soft eyes were still full of guilt and worry, but comfort was also there. "my name is hanni," then she turns to you, making eye contact.
"hanni pham."
you hum, removing your hand from your head and dropping it on your stomach. "call me y/n, hanni." she nodded with a small smile, to which you wanted to return the gesture but you were bit numb to try it.
she seems to understand. "...i wanted to say i'm sorry again-" she hushed you quickly before you say anything, holding your gaze with determined and pleaded eyes. "just- let me say it. please."
and you let her, sigh in defeat. she smiles again, before it turns into a frown. "i'm sorry for what happened. i know you were confused and uncomfortable, but something just.. happened."
she pursed her lips, discomfort was visible from her body. you eyed her, patiently waiting for her to continue. her sigh came out shaky and nervous, you guessed. "it wasn't a good happening at all."
"i was trying to walk home from school, and it was pretty much a long walk for me." she continues, "and then i was walking past them and they started cat-calling me." you noticed a shudder from her shoulder.
something churned inside your stomach, and you don't like it. nonetheless, she continues with a deepened frown. "it continued like that for, i think, six minutes. i keep telling them to stop, yet they didn't—then i just.." she sighs once again.
"i guess i just snapped, and all hell loose."
and you understand her, completely and sincerely. men can be a dick and asshole, and sometimes, they couldn't take a no and immediately get aggressive like a damned dog out of nowhere. this is exactly why women aren't safe around them at all.
speaking from experience.
you nodded slowly, eyes softened in understanding. then, tears started to fall from her eyes. "i.. i was so scared. scared that they'll do something bad to me.. i-" she choked on her sob, clawing onto her head.
"it wasn't the first time happening to me but i was still scared—"
you stopped her there. your hands immediately gripping her hands and pull them away from her head, avoiding any injuries that she would cause on herself.
then, upon releasing her hands, you cupped her wet cheeks and held her gently, as if you were scared to be rough with her- and it made her sob more at this fact.
"hanni." you call her name, but you said it in a more comforting and soft way, not wanting to make her feel even more bad for what she couldn't control. your heart ached for her, and you truly know what she's going through.
"hanni..." you breathe shakily, ignoring the pounding on your head as you leaned your forehead against hers. you could smell her minty breath, and feel the sweat from her skin but you didn't care.
you held her close, "hey.. i know you're scared of what happened. i was scared too, for you. when i see you with those guys chasing after you..." your exhale quivered when released from your lips.
"...i just knew what they were thinking. so i just.. did what i have to do." your thumbs, trembling, rubs her cheek as tears continue to fall like waterfall.
her chest was hurting from the loud pounding from her heart, not expecting you to be this.. gentle and soft with her.
"...i know what you were feeling, and i don't want you to go through that again... it can't be avoided exactly, but i want you to be more careful than ever.. it's what we, women, have to do in this unfair world."
she notices the crack on your voice, and glances to see your tears falling as well. and she knows now— how much you understand her, how much you wanted to comfort her, and how much comfort you have truly provided her in this very moment.
her heart skipped a beat.
you made eye-contact with her. you looked even more vulnerable than earlier, and she let out a choke sob once again. "i.. i don't want to feel unsafe here."
you nodded, mumbling words of comfort. "i know, i know." she continues on and on, and you let her reach her limit, letting her cry onto your shoulder as she drops against you.
you held her tight, and she wholeheartedly accepts your warm embrace.
-
"...you left home? why?"
she looked genuine when she asked, and you hoped that she wouldn't make fun of your decision in life. you closed your eyes as you and her laid beside each other on her bed.
"mom is an addict and an abuser. she's crazy. she tries to gaslight me that she loves me very much, and then starts beating the shit out of me as if she's trying to take my lifespan away."
you chuckle nonchalantly, while she gasped in shock. her brows furrowed deeply, "that's... she's a real bitch, then." you turn your head to her as your eyes open, while she grumbles.
you laugh amusedly, nudging her arm with the back of your hand. "she is." your toes curled a bit as the cold breeze from the air conditioner became a bit colder, but you liked it anyways.
"i grew up without a dad ever since i could remember, and she's the only woman i've known in my entire life. i also admit i was being an asshole to some people back then," she snorts, causing you to smile sheepishly.
"but.. i managed to grow up properly, i guess. though, i do remember having a job at the age of 11 then paying my own tuition at school, while she does nothing at home."
she raises her eyebrows, "what job did you have?" she asks, turning to look into your eyes curiously. you gave a small smile and shrugged, "who knows? maybe just a little helper at a small store and whatsoever,"
she pouts at the answer, but lets it go since you probably didn't want to talk about it. "fucked up life for us then. i don't have a mom anymore, and only had my dad and sister."
you listened attentively, liking how pleasing her voice sounds to your ears. it was soft and clear. you listened to her own backstory, closing your eyes.
"we were a happy family, though it wasn't the same when my mom passed away." she sighs, "dad wasn't abusive though, and i'm grateful for that. but he became neglectful to us, and keeps leaving the house for no particular reason."
you grimaced at that, but you made no comment about it.
even so, she smiles. "but that was all. me and my sister weren't hurt and that's enough for me. i managed to get a part-time job too, to provide for myself and my sister— and now, we both are living together in this apartment."
you blinked, "oh. this apartment?" you sniffles, turning to your side to face her. "does that mean she's here too?" to which she responded with a shake of her head.
"nah, she's currently at her friend's house for a sleepover."
"ah.. okay." you bluntly said, causing her to laugh shortly. she turns to you as well, laying on her side and facing towards you. she smiles, and you smiled back.
"...do you believe in fate?"
you blinked naturally before nodding, "i guess i do. why'd you ask?" she continues to smile, fondly almost. "do you think this is a coincidence or a fate? a destiny that we've met?"
at this, you chuckle. "kinda random, i must say." she shrugged and waited for your reply. you hummed as you closed your eyes, "...i guess it is destiny, or.. a miracle for me?"
hanni could've sworn her heart skipped a large beat when you fluttered open your eyes and gave the softest, most damned adorable smile she ever witnessed. her ears reddened.
"o-oh.. why is it a miracle?"
she stuttered, feeling her cheeks burning at your gaze. your smile widens, so does her heart skipping a beat once more. this isn't good.. but it felt so right.
"it was a short encounter, but it felt like everything began to change." you mumbled, and snuggled closer to her bed sheets. "this wouldn't happen at all, if it weren't for a miracle to step in. and make me feel comforted."
you chuckle, "it's just weird. but, i guess i made a new friend today...?" at this, you turn to her and purse your lips. she blinks thrice, before giggling at your cuteness.
"glad you made a new friend, y/n. that friend of yours," she yawns softly, ".. must've been so lucky to meet you too." and the last thing she sees before darkness engulfed her is your warm eyes and smile and a small nod.
"...i'm lucky too."
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claitea · 15 days
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i've had these scenarios written down since volo's debut in pokemon masters and i just really wanted to scribble them down and finally release them
#pokemon#volo#pokemon volo#pokemon jacq#n harmonia#pokemon rei#trainer rei#clai's art#trying to write n's specific brand of being mean is hard to me for some reason#in the initial idea i had him outright call volo stupid but i didnt know if that was too far so i just took it out BJFBFJF#but anyway volo being a historian who had to have studied many walks of life but has still come to the conclusion that the world is hopeless#jacq being someone who's very positive and sees the best in people even if they are very much not great to him (see: raifort)#finally realizing someone he knows is like. inexcusably horrible#n's situation wasn't even that different from volo's. both saw injustice in society and sought to change it#but even n. who hated humanity for what he thought they were all responsible for. didnt want humans to Die for what they did!!#and rei. rei was a scared kid who saw the very worst of volo firsthand. rei needed friends and one of them despised him in the end#isnt it soooo funny how volo thinks he's alone yet keeps pushing away all the people who want to connect with him :) i hate pla so much :)))#as another note too. perhaps the rei thing could end in two ways#satisfying good ending where it kicks off volo's realization that hey maybe people do trust me unconditionally#or no good bad ending where volo takes this as another betrayal. rei only liked him for his facade like everyone else so why does it matter#volo almost makes me feel as ill as n does. hate this stupid guy i shouldnt have bought pla for my birthday i should have gotten. p/kmin idk
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storywestistrash · 5 days
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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i should try and reach out to people more but everytime i do i'm rejected in some way so i really don't want to it always ends in hurt
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purpurussy · 2 months
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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tanicus-caesareth · 5 months
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guarana drama, damage control
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malaierba · 11 months
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Thinking about Karamatsu/Nozomi whole looking through some web weavings, and if I ever write something for them (currently in the phase of trying to come up with key events and organise them chronologically so it makes sense, thematically) I think I'd like this to be one of the take aways
In the event of a bad ending (dunno if I'm strong enough for that though 🫠 SHE CAN CHANGE HIM WITHOUT DYING im better than that), I hope that Karamatsu still finds it in himself to stop being so passive about his life. Like,
To stop waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect answer to dawn on him, and instead take life by reins and... Just start being an active participant in his own life. To embrace self-determination and the risk of committing to something that may not pan out but still forces you to take conscious and mindful action every day.
#nozomi takahashi#karamatsu#karanozo#thinking about what the sextuplets (say they) want out of life vs. what they do to achieve it vs. whats holding them back#you have cybermatsu who are the most driven/ambitious but where one is held back by anxiety/the delusion that thinking about being responsi#is the same as actually being responsible (i mean. i get it lol) the other one is held back by trying to cheat the system bcs he thinks he'#too smart for hardwork + the apprehension that if he earns something it may be disrupted by his family dynamic which is HEARTBREAKING#then parka who dont show much ambition and i think they embrace the mindset of not wanting more than they currently have#whilst ignoring the discomfort this creates. and i like to think Osomatsu is stressed by the knowledge that as the eldest he SHOULD be#striving for more no matter how much change scares him (sick dad skit + nyachan skit) whils Ichimatsu just has such a low image of himself#he probably thinks back to how hard he had to try I'm HS and gets discourage yet also ignores the successes he's had#(hc but i like to think everyone thought he and choro would be the most well adapted and traditionally functional members of society but it#didn't pan out. in Choro's case because he wasn't as good as he thought he was and in Ichimatsu's because realising that he'd have to mask#forever kept him from trying)#and then. kinniku. and I'm thinking how they're the two with the most obvious passions (the arts + sports) and how they're visibly#skilled (Kara) and talented (Jyushi) and Karamatsu even mentions in S1 that he tried to become an actor but gave up and Jyushi says he's#never actually played an official baseball match prior to the S1 finale and I go insane thinking that they also tried in their own way to#pursue less traditional passions but they were always held back until they allowed the passions to become an scape and a distraction#idk why i wrote all of this it's not actually that related to the post. like i would try to explore that hc in a fic but???#something possessed me lol. but it's written so y'all take it. ANYWAYS#rambles
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bangcakes · 6 months
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manasurge · 8 months
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#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity#am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about#i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy#why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies#this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most#i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out#it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself#i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk#also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it-#- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop#i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me#not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE#no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me.#not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse#but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about#-everything lmao#stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse#delete later probably idk lmao
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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#i cant do a thing abt it but oh it hurts#and i feel bad bc i feel like he'd think im selfish?#i want him to be happy but cant i be hurt? cant i be sad too?#and i wont chase him. i'd never do anything like that. 9/10 if i dont *feel* wanted regardless of truth#im out of there bc i have avpd </3#but i cling to him?? i mean in an emotional way. like i never put up walls in my mind to numb my feelings for him the way i do w avpd#why is he so different from everyone else for my brqin and heart? i mean i obvi i think hes amazing#but i dont get why my brain doesnt protect me emotion and feeling wise the way it does w everything else#how could he cross all of those boundaries and walls my brain has put in place?#this is why i thought i had found my person. but it gets tricky when i am not his person#nor do i think i can be whrn he's chosen someone else. (i get that i really really do and thats why it hurts sm)#but yeah i'd never chase.. bc like why would i? when i know he didnt choose me to give a chance to. i'd never be as arrogant to try to#think i could be worth a chance or that i could do anything abt it.#so even if it's selfish i hurt sm. even tho at the same time i want him to have what he wants even if it isnt me and never was#bc i do also think.. even if it makes me sound naive.. or actually maybe this is just how *i* feel#if u love someone sm and truly want to be w them u find a way to get there. which i wanted to do bc yeah.. i felt like he was my person#but it's just me. it's me alone in this room and i cant.. stay in here forever bc how is that a life? :(#so idk ig i'll hurt and ache and be in pain for a while. and hopefully one day be able to move on#but facing the world & future without him and not knowing if we'll even talk again is so scary and so hard :(#and like will *i* ever find someone who lights my heart on fire and makes me deeply feel and not being so scared i turn away from it?#the way he does... idk :(#i cant even imagine wanting anyone else but.. im alone in that feeling too so.. it is what it is it is what it is it is what it is
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cerealmonster15 · 3 months
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i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was
#i think it's mostly bc i thought mean girls was like. an okay movie. a fine movie? i think i liked it#but like. i saw it once. i have no nostalgia for it bc i saw it way later/not when it originally came out#and god the way people are so into it. i mean that is great like i dont wanna be a hater for people enjoying things#but me personally. i do not understand why it's a cult classic or whatever klsjfkdlsfj i hear people quote it all the time and im like. 🧍#so having those quotes i already dont care about re contextualized to try to sell me walmart. god. the worst experience jkfsdjfklJFDKLSJF#tbh maybe it woudlve been worse if i liked the movie but i saw comments saying those commercials were funny so WHATEVER#i feel like it's also the same w/like. vocaloid kfsjdflksjgh like i dont dislike it!! i enjoy some songs#but i never had a vocaloid phase when i was younger. i feel so very neutral about miku#ppl on the internet feel so strongly positive and again thats great and i objectively get it#ive been shown vocaloid songs and some are really catchy#but it is one of those instances where im like man. a level of hype i dont fully understand LOL#miku vocaloid stuff is at least endearing tho. i get.... tired... w/mean girls quotes......... ksljfsljfl#It's Always The Same Ones and i just dont think theyre very funny FKJLDSJFDKLSJF maybe i am a hater damn#jk i do think i liked the movie? god i dont remember i watched it like. i dont even know when. college at the earliest i think#but whatever thats just a case of people having different interests just cuz i didnt care about a thing doesnt man its bad other ppl like i#also tho i think bc the mean girls overquoted bits remind me of like. rae dunn ceramics LOL jkfskfjsekht#or like idk live laugh love stuff. yknow like. dont talk to me until ive had my coffee has same energy as on wednesdays we wear pink. to me#it's facebook wine mom humor.... bc it is people roughly my age that were/are really into it and they are now mom age i guess lwpfhewhfp#god i need to go to bed im tired and it's making me a cranky complainer about stuff that doesnt matter!!!!#went 2 my dash in a dif tab and immediately saw a miku post is she gonna get me for not having strong feelings about her#im sorry miku i just . i dont get it JKFLJDSKLFJKSLD#ur music is fun i just dont proportionately understand. i feel like im missing context w/this one girl maybe thats my bad idk#or maybe it's just i found u too late idk. i will jam to the bops tho#that endless/everlasting/whatever nights thing w/like the 4 alt storyline songs is soooo fun i love those#dont ask me the names of the ppl in them tho i dont fuckin know besides like. 3 of them. one is miku LOL#and those yellow twin kids. len and ren. or rin? len and rin? i dont remember and i dont care enough to look it up sorry small children#theres that blue haired guy that was in the one prsk route i played but i forgot his name again#i dont know if hes in those songs i was talkin about tho i only remember what he looks like in his youthful wonderland alt loll#i talk in the tags bc i get scared it feels safe in my burrow here underground#also im calling mean girls mid and saying i dont have miku hype so i feel like that does warrant going into hiding
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makedamnsvre · 1 year
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you don't have to read this is for screaming in the void
#trying to explain that i'm struggling without saying the big most important part of why i am struggling is .#like oh i'm struggling because uh . the issues. what are the issues? well . they are issues that i refuse to elaborate on#so it doesn't help anybody. but like how am i supposed to explain to my mom that the reason i've become so severely depressed is because#i'm suicidal. like oh btw ^-^ i hate the life you gave me and brought me into so bad that i want to die. but it's no big deal so don't worr#about it.#which like that wouldn't be how i meant it at all but of course that's also implied or something#which just makes me think of other things like that if things weren't so bad id be able to get help but help is inaccessible.#ughhhh i just hate this it's so agonizing. like cant things be a little less bad. i'm not having fun being like this and people are#reasonably irritated with me because only based on what i'm willing to tell just. isn't the full story at all and would obviously just.#not make sense because i'm leaving out major parts of what's happening and why.#and tbh i'm constantly going back and forth between like. coming out as suicidal. mainly because like. well. it kinda worrying me.#because for like months now i've almost daily been fighting off suicidal thoughts and often even having suicidal meltdowns#yesterday i was standing near a ceiling fan and was like hmm wouldnt it be nice if one of the blades came off and stabbed me through#the back of my skull and killed me. but then i thought no that would be too traumatizing for my family#as if me dying at all wouldn't be. which i also thought of. idk just thinking about the idea of#i want to live but not like this. because yeah. my mom said that she thinks reading bad news is why and it's like well . of course it is#but should i just stay completely unaware of what's happening in the world. but also bad news is just unavoidable#but yeah it is why i'm depressed. climate change racism homophobia transphobia covid wars economy etc like#these are things that i can't just. ignore? and am i seriously the crazy person for being upset about these things?#well she does think i'm crazy for still being scared of the dangerous virus that is currently the third leading cause of death in the us#like last night she was like ' it's good to be cautious but you're going over board' i'm friends with people who could die from covid.#'over board' i care about them and other people and i don't want them to die. i don't want to be permanently disabled by a virus with#a 20% chance every time i catch it to permanently damage my immune system and give me long covid. <- according to cdc#but whatever. i do genuinely want mental help. i think i need s different medication or a diagnosis bc uhmmm . i am unwell#but that's expensive.#i have an appointment with a doctor today for a med check because i don't think my ssri is working . obviously#as i am as you can tell absolutely overcome with severe and debilitating anxiety and depression. lolzors#whatever. except not because ouuuughhhgh <-unimaginable suffering#mypost
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inkovert · 10 months
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I want to write something fun and silly that doesn't really matter and that I don't care about carefully crafting with logical plot or well-thought out character arcs or perfectly worded sentences.
I want to write like nobody's watching
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hyperexplosion · 10 months
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I don't want bother friends with a vent so I am here
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hawkwidows · 10 months
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keep typing out posts and rewriting bc everything I’m trying to say doesn’t feel right and I’m scared but at least typing it out usually helps in a small way anyway 🙃👍🏽
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