#but if I had to choose then it would probably be weird autumn or cycles

[inky-bun]

I have deduced that bright colors are cool actually

Anyway, Mae jamming out with the color palette that’s severely underrated

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Tequilla and Autumn Sunsets (Favored Ones, Part 9.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Part Summary: So far, everything seemed to be good - you were happy with the thing Joel and you had, Jackson was keeping you busy and you were even talking to your friends again... Until one patrol came and everything seemed to change, making the cycle start once again. 

A/N: And I oop-

Warnings: Mentions of smut, violence, murder and guns.

Word count: 4.2 K

Tagging:  @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​ @peakymarvels​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

The fall of 2037, 5-4 months before the incident:

In the end, it wasn't as hard to make things work as you thought it would be. When you weren't in the mood, you just found a while to tell him. When he wanted you to come to stay the night, he told you. It wasn't even that hard or weird - sometimes, he just stopped by your shop to tell you, sometimes you just told him while having a casual talk when you met in town, and no-one was suspicious of you two talking. You did that before you were weird with each other - why shouldn't you do that when things were ok?

Joel showed you and taught you many things you didn't know about sex or yourself before - for example, what a doggy style means. Or that you can take cock much deeper in your throat that you initially thought.

Yeah, sure it was a long process and it was the try-and-see kinda thing, but Joel was the best person you could choose for this matter. Sometimes, when you weren't exactly feeling like fucking, you stayed up late, just drawing the curtains in his room while he learned you some more guitar songs. Or he was willing to sit through a movie with you - he especially liked these dumb 80s' ones, but you couldn't deny they're quite amusing to watch. The things were just like you were used to them - you joked around a lot, you laughed and had some good fun.

You didn't see each other every day. These sessions, which was a code name you came up with, were quite physically challenging at times. So when you or Joel had some stuff to deal with or you simply weren't in the mood, you didn't meet up for that day and once even for a week.

Diego somehow couldn't understand your sudden shift in behavior - before Joel asked you to see him again, you were affectionate with the boy, spending as much time as you could with him. But after that? He barely saw you. And it wasn't just him - even Dina and Ellie noticed that you're not spending as much time with them as you used to. But both of the ladies just dismissed as you being having too much stuff at the moment. Which was also true.

Tommy and Maria kept each of you properly busy. Sure, there were regular patrols and these where you had to take a random kiss from the group with you, but as the winter was coming by, there was more stuff to do - helping with harvesting the veggies, taking care of animals, occasionally even helping out with the pottery or sewing new clothes. It was almost November when you decided to visit Eve again, bringing her the last blossoming flowers you could find.

"Hey there." - You whispered, sitting down on your jacket while you looked at the tombstone. - "How you've been, hm?" - You asked, smoothing the leaves and other stuff out of the grave. When you were alone for almost a minute, you knew it's your time to speak up again. - "Geez, you can't shut up sometimes, huh? Let me talk too, man." - You laughed nervously. It was still strange not having her around to make fun of her, but you hoped that she's better now. Also, you could talk about Joel openly, and that wouldn't be possible if she would have an actual chance to respond.

"I am seeing this one guy. You would be weirded out, but its Joel fucking Miller. Weird, right? I can't quite process it myself if I have to be honest with you." - You giggled, leaning your cheek into your knee as you watched her name craved into the gray stone. - "But he's treating me nice, with respect. When I don't like something, all I have to do is tell him, you know? I trust him, I would say. He asks about how I'm doing even though he doesn't have to." - You smiled and looked at the grass.

You should've seen that there's something off about the whole thing way before you saw it. It was hard to determine what made you feel things such as these - if it were the nicknames he was giving you, or the stares he was watching you with or the warm approach to the whole situation. It happened a long time - you falling for the man. You just didn't know at the moment - your head was too distracted with too much of good fucking.

"When we were just laying there one night, he asked me about you and listened to every single shit I told him. It was nice. And I hadn't even cried during it, which is a big win, right?" - You sighed with a shy smile, hearing the first thunder in the distance. Well, at least you didn't have to go for a patrol that day. Or, so you thought until you saw Maria slowly walking to the grave with her palms behind her back. She waved at you and you waved back, not telling a word until she reached you.

"Hey." - She whispered, sitting down next to you as well. You smiled back, still looking at the tombstone. - "You weren't at home or Ellie's, so I figured out you'll be here."

"Did something happen?" - You asked back, being visibly alarmed at the moment. Maria shook her head quickly to assure that no matter the situation she had for you, it wasn't as bad as it sounded.

"It's just... Can I ask you something? I know you've been patrolling almost every day last week..." - She sighed. The matter was embarrassing. You were out of Jackson for almost every day now, each day taking a different route, yet she had to come and ask you. - "But Tommy had caught some cold or what and he's having a fever. And since he's in pair with Joel, he asked me to ask you if you'd be so kind and take this one. He told me 'ask that kiddo, 'cause she's probably the only one who ain't havin' tendencies to murder my brother while he sleeps'. Like... He told me he's good to go, but... And don't want to ask Ellie and you know Tommy." - Yeah, of fucking course you knew Tommy. He was probably even more hot-headed and mulish than his older brother at times. And the bit about murdering Joel? That wasn't too hard to believe either since he had the reputation of basically bullying down everyone when Ellie was about to leave Jackson. It was quite unbelievable, but these Miller boys were quite hard to get along with at moments.

You were fucking tired, to be honest, but you wouldn't Tommy go if he was ill. That would worry the shit out of Maria and you didn't like her when she was scared or worried. She was even more bossy, rude, and straightforward than normal. So you nodded.

"Of course, I won't let his sick ass to go on a patrol. Especially in this weather." - You looked at the iron clouds above you. The blonde woman sighed with relief, smoothing your palm with her while she closed her eyes.

"You're the best. I'll make Seth prepare you some extra tasty snack on your way, okay?" - She asked, getting up to leave again. You stayed there for a little longer, looking at Eve.

"Stop laughing up there, I can hear it down here. That's just my luck, you know?" - Just as always, you kissed the tips of your fingers, smoothing the cold stone. - "Take care. I'll see you again, okay?" - With that, you put the jacket on your shoulders, leaving to get your backpack. As usual, put the empty automatic gun there, a water bottle and in the end, you swung your bow and quiver of your shoulder. When you saw the damn weather, you packed another sweatshirt with you. A storm was about to start soon - which you could hear at the stables as well. The horses were far from calm, but Sadie got better once you smoother her neck and gave her an apple. Joel came there soon after you, having these small devils in his eyes. But to tell him nothing ain't happening on the patrol, you shook your head and as usual, the man calmed down immediately. It was nice to have someone who listened to you.

"Have the food and ammunition, I hope we'll get it done before it starts to rain." - Joel told you when you were leading your horses away in the direction of the gate.

"I doubt it. This route is pretty long and off-hand. But who knows?" - You smiled gently and sat on the horse's back. The patrol was fine - you were talking through the most of it, trying to fill the void on the road. You were barely three hours away from Jackson when you noticed it. There was a fire in the woods - but not a wild one. You let the horses on remnants of an asphalt road between a few houses, walking the rest on foot.

Joel saw them first, pulling them down to hide in the tall grass. You observed them for a moment, trying to make out if they were friendly or not. That was decided at the moment when you have seen a few dead bodies lying just a few meters away from them - that was the fire. The sweet smell was making you sick, but Joel put his hand on your shoulder, making you focus.

"I'll go in and try to take them out silently. Do you remember your way with the bow?" - He asked you. For a moment, you were just looking him in the face - these people killed other people. Which you'd be able to understand under some situations... But they were burning their bodies now. Which made your stomach turn upside down. - "Hey, no panic now, focus here. Right here." - The man whispered, catching your jaw in his palm. - "Do you remember it? I need you right now."

Finally, you nodded to answer the question. After that, Joel loaded his revolver for all the cases, giving you a magazine as well. He turned at you one last time before he finally sneaked off to take an upper hand on the situation. - "Good girl. Just stay with me until we done, 'kay?"

You nodded, this time to support and hype yourself up. Joel put his trust in you. You could do it. You trained for this - and you couldn't let Joel alone in this at all. Slowly, you moved into a good potion, hitting one of your palms with a rock. The pressure almost made your head pop since you thought they'll know about you, they didn't even notice - yet another thought crossed your mind. Distraction. Joel needed a distraction. So you picked the rock up and threw it off to a distance. It caused some noise that made the men turn around. There was four of them as it turned out when they started to inspect the situation around.

After a while, you saw Joel pinning one of them down, dragging him to the grass as he choked him. Your time to do something. A long breath left your breath as you positioned yourself, looking at one of the guys. What the fuck were you doing? This wasn't right. Maybe you and Joel could talk it out with them? Bullshit, they had a fireplace from a pile of dead bodies. They were a threat to you, Joel, and potentially to Jackson. You had to do it. It took you a long time to aim because you were shaking like crazy, but in the end, your arrow didn't miss its target - it ended up in his the guys head, and watched him as he fell straight to the fire along with other bodies. He was dead at the moment you did it. You were a fucking murderer. You killed a non-infected.

Sure, you were realizing you've just killed someone for the first time, but the adrenaline rush inside you, and the fear for Joel, was way stronger than that. Also, these bitches could notice where did that arrow come from, so it was a matter of time before they'd find you. And you were so terrified you couldn't move. For a second, you closed your eyes and prayed to God to be merciful and let them kill you fast without any fuckery around. Just when one of the guys was about to approach you, Joel caught the other remaining one, circling his forearm around the man's neck. - "Stop where you are and hands in the air." - Your old man ordered calmly, throwing the guy's gun on the ground, putting his revolver to his temple. When the other guy didn't listen and still aimed at Joel, Joel defused the gun.

"I ain't playin', son. Throw the gun on the ground right fuckin' now." - In horror, you listened to two shots being fired. With a cry, you jumped on the guy's back, stabbing his throat with your arrow again and again. You couldn't stop yourself - even when you were both already on the ground and his head was cut off of his body, you continued. You just continued with stabbing him as you cried. He shot Joel. You were too afraid to look if your man was alright, so you just sat on that guy's chest, finally giving in to the urge to cry. You were terrified of yourself.

You practically collapsed on the dead body, having a full-blown panic attack. At that moment, you felt someone's arm circling your chest, pulling you off. You tried to stab them as well, but firm hold on your palm made you realize it's Joel. A shaky breath left you as you gave in into the touch, having the man rock you from side to side.

"You're good, girl. You're good. You're good." - He whispered and hugged you even tighter. At that moment, a rumble of thunder shook the ground, and rain started to fall heavily. But you couldn't even move. All you were capable of was to climb deeper into Joel's arms while you cried. - "Lemme get you outta here girl, come on." - The man hummed into your hair, lifting you off of the ground.

Never, not even when you left the Fireflies, have you killed someone. At least not someone healthy. What the fuck have you done? What did you do? In the middle of Joel making your way to the houses, you jumped off and ran to puke the fuck out into the grass. You felt fucking sick. This was something so disgusting. You've just taken another person's life. One of your palms was leaning into a wall of one of the houses as you stood there, cried and puked. It didn't matter that you're soaking wet already - the rain couldn't wipe away what you've done, the blood was soaked into your clothes and even if you managed to get the blood off of your palms, it was still there, hot and sticky between your fucking fingers. Joel understood what you were doing through - he was the same when it was his first time.

But he knew that he has to get you out of the rain before it will be too late, you could catch tome flu or something like that. And he also knew that worse demons will find a way into your head once you'll think you've solved the matter for good.

"I need you to get inside the house. Can you do that for me?" - He came to you and smoothed your back gently. It took you a moment to nod. - "I'll brin' the horses in and come to you, 'kay? Just wait for me there."

You both did as you agreed on. Your way to the houses was rough - the ground around you was shaking and spinning, your knees felt almost too weak. Joel led the horses inside the garage and found you collapsed on the ground in front of the doorstep when he entered the front door. You were snuggled into a tight position, rocking yourself from side to side. You were pressing your head between your knees to find some relief, but none was coming.

Quickly, he prepared you a place to lay on, took the jacket off his shoulders before coming back to you. Just like the first time, you've almost attacked him before realizing who he was.

"Come with me, girl." - He mumbled quietly, helping you in your feet. Before he shifted his attention to you, he made sure that the doors and windows are closed - you were even so lucky to find a place with a fireplace, so at least, he started a fire. First, he took the clothes covered in blood off of you, putting your wet sweatshirt on your upper body. It was better than nothing. Then, he laid you down on the big couch, lying next to you so he copied your body with his before he covered you both with the wet sleeping bag.

You were shivering. And a feeling of being cold was taking over your body. Yet your brain kept on replaying you what you've just done. - "Attagirl." - The man mumbled, nuzzling his face to the nape of your neck before he kissed it. - "You're with me now. These guys won't hurt you."

With that, you turned to him, putting your palm over his side. Your faces were just inches from each other, so he could feel the rhythm of your warm breath gently breezing over his face. - "Am I a terrible person? I mean, what if he had a family? Kids? What if we misread the situation?" - With that, Joel could tell that you're shaken to your core.

It was more than understandable. If you'd be living in the old world, you'd never have to think about killing someone. That thought would probably never cross your mind if the world wasn't completely fucked up. And until that day, you never had a reason to kill a human being. Infected? Sure, he saw you killing infected. But to know it were normal, thinking, breathing living persons, that was a serious lot.

"I would talk to 'em if they weren't burnin' other bodies. These people weren't good ones, 'kay? You've done it for me." - There wasn't much more to say. In any way, no matter how hard would Joel try, he couldn't tell you anything to make you feel at least a bit better. With closed you nodded, finally closing your eyes.

"Will you sing something for me? Just like you did back then?" - You whispered, giving in to the feeling of Joel's palm smoothing your shoulder. Of course, he did sing for you. And this time, it wasn't some Johnny Cash song. You remembered this one - it was one of the songs he played for you when you sat at the bonfire.

To be honest, you fell asleep pretty quick - you were tired, every inch of your muscles hurt and the pain in your eyes was too great to open them. The man stayed up for another hour, watching small spasms and furrows changing in your face. The sleep sure as hell wasn't peaceful. Yet when he was sure that you'll sleep for at least a while, he took a quick nap next to you as well.

The smell of the burning wood had woken you up. It wasn't exactly the burning wood, but the smoke of the fire ending was tickling your nose so bad you had to sneeze. Fortunately, it didn't wake Joel up. When you opened up your eyes, you expected to see his face just inched away from yours, so you gently picked up your head, feeling the muscles on your neck and back hurt. It took you a few more winks to realize that you have a clear view of the fireplace. Joel was laying on his back with one of his palms used as a pillow, his other arm pulled over your shoulder.

Sure, it was pretty normal to sleep next to each other at that point, sometimes having his arm or leg thrown over your body, but you had never slept anywhere near to something like that... All snuggled up to each other. There was a contained smile on Joel's lips, even though he was asleep. And if you'd be okay, it would make you lose your shit for real.

But you just laid down again, watching the dying fire. It was just like being stuck in some kind of a cycle - there was a time you felt numb, not alive at all. This came after something happened - when you ran away from Salt Lake City or when you watched Harry getting eaten alive, the day Maria came to your home to tell that Eve didn't make it... And that evening as well. When you got over the bad phase, there was something you could call being lifeless. It were the days when all you could do was to lay down in your bed, look into the ceiling, thinking about your life. And when you'd get through this, you'll slowly get better as the time would pass. Just to wait before another thing comes and brings you down, repeating the cycle over and over again.

Joel was most likely right. He was living in this world for a lot longer than you were - he knew a lot of things you had no idea about. For example, the forearm which was holding you close and warm could suffocate someone. He also was very really haunting when he was holding one the gen as a hostage. How could the man who was calling you girl in the warmest tone of voice, the one who was playing guitar for you and the man who was fucking you like there was no tomorrow - how could he kill someone with such calmness?

The men certainly weren't good. They could be hunters - people you've never encountered, you've only learned about them from Joel and Eve, sometimes Ellie told you her stories about this kind of people. That would explain why they were burning naked bodies of people... But... What if they caught some sort of illness? What if the people were their friends and they had to kill them? Why didn't you try to talk with them? Maybe you didn't have to go in as hotheaded as you did.

At that moment, there were two people inside your head having a big argument - one of them thought about the thing you have done was straightaway bad, no excuses could explain what you did. ON the other hand, there was the other one, the cold one, was telling you that these people would fire a bullet to your forehead as soon as they'd see you approaching.

With a long sigh, you closed your eyes once again as you hugged Joel tighter, pulling yourself so tight you copied every inch of his body. This was helping at least a tiny bit. For the first time when the cycle had restarted, you didn't feel completely alone. There was someone you could pull yourself closer to feel at least a bit safe.

"How you feelin'?" - A raspy voice asked you just as Joel had woken up. Even when you were both up, he hadn't taken his arm off of your shoulder - actually, his palm started to draw small patterns there. Joel still kept his eyes closed and it could be seen that he's feeling completely contained at the moment. Which seemed weirdly off rails, but you decided to ignore it.

"I feel... Nothing." - You answered quietly, slowly getting up. This felt too emotional. Sure, it was probably just to keep you feeling at least a bit good and away from going coo-coo. And it worked just as he expected it to.

"Give it a few days, it'll settle down. You'll be good, trust me." - Joel mumbled and watched you getting food from Seth out of your backpack before sitting down to look at the dying fire. - "What made you conclude this?" - You asked and gulped.

"You're a survivor. Just like Ellie is, just like Jesse is... And just like I am." - He answered shortly, letting the silence to take over the situation you got there at the moment. Just like the last time you were on a patrol with Joel, everyone could tell that something went off rails as soon as they saw you in the distance. You were both late, and your trousers were covered in dried blood.

Ellie was patiently waiting for you in front of the stables to ask you about what has happened when Joel pulled you back a bit, looking you in the face. - "Do you want me to come today?" - He whispered. It was a nice offer, but you shook your head nonetheless. - "I'll see you... When I'll feel better, okay?" - You whispered back, having him nod with a neutral expression, and with that, you watched him leaving for home, not entirely sure what to feel anymore.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Animals Do you prefer cats or dogs? I’m a dog person for sure.

If you had to choose, which animal would you like to be reincarnated as? A dog. 

Some say peoples personalities or looks resemble animals. Whats your animal? Probably a sloth, ha. 

Books Which book series was the first you read? As a kid I loved Nancy Drew, The Babysitter’s Club, Sweet Valley High, and Goosebumps.

What was the last book you read? I’m currently reading Autumn’s Game by Mary Stone.

Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Write a book.

Characters Which TV show/movie/book character do you think you are most like? Hmm. I don’t know.

Which superhero is your favourite and why? Iron Man, Spiderman, Ant-Man, Star Lord, Thor.

What's your favourite fairytale character? Is Alice in Wonderland a fairytale?

Dreams Do you usually remember your dreams? I’ll remember it briefly and then it like vanishes. My dreams are like a Snapchat.

Are most of your dreams good, scary or just plain weird? Just plain weird, man.

What dream that you've had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: The nightmares or the ones that make me wake up crying and shaking don’t like to vanish, unfortunately. Those get saved to the camera roll.

Emotions What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I’m definitely not as good at hiding my emotions anymore. They took over and control me now.

How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? A lot. I’m so damn moody.

Do your emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Like I said, they definitely control me. 

Fun What do you do for fun? May not be considered fun, but my days are spent checking my social medias, watching YouTube, watching TV, reading, scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, spending time with my family, lounging around, and perhaps a little coloring. I like doing those things, though, so it works for me. 

Which is more fun: cycling, watching tv, roller coaster ride or cooking? Uhh, the only thing I like out of those choices is watching TV.

What is the funnest game to play? I love board games.

Geometry Nearest square thing to you? The throw pillows on my bed.

What was the last circular thing you ate? Cookies.

Is there anything triangular in the room you're in right now? I’m sure, but nothing triangular is popping out at me at the moment and I don’t feel like really looking around and thinking about it.

Height Are you taller or shorter than average? I’m 5′4, which is short, but not shorter than average I don’t think.

Is your Mum tall or short? How about your Dad? My mom is about 5′5 and my dad is about 5′9.

Do you wish you were taller or shorter? I wish I was taller.

If... If you became pregnant or your partner did, what would you do? Well, I can’t get pregnant, sooo.

If you lost something your friend lent to you, what would you do? I would feel really bad, first of all. I’d be nervous to tell them, especially if it was something that was special and unique. I’d of course have to tell them, though, and I’d replace it if possible. If it wasn’t replaceable... I don’t know what I would do. All I could do is apologize immensely and somehow try to make it up to them. I’d be super careful if a friend lent me anything, though, regardless of what it was. I also probably would just not borrow something that wasn’t replaceable or expensive to avoid all of that.

If you had to talk about 1 subject for a minute live on TV, which one? Yikes. That minute would feel like forever, I have no idea. Pass.

Jokes Do you normally tell jokes or listen to the jokes? I’m not a joke teller except maybe some cheesy, corny one I might have heard now and then. 

What is your sense of humour like (dry, dark, sarcastic etc)? I laugh at a lot of things. I like puns and clever humour but I also like dumb things and dry things too. I think it's just really easy to make me laugh. <<< Yeah, pretty much.

Kisses Do you put x's in your text messages? No.

When did you last have a kiss? 8 years ago...

Does your grandma give you big sloppy kisses when she sees you? No. She gives me a big hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

Language How many languages can you say 'hello my name is...' in? Three.

What language do you think sounds the nicest? I think they’re all unique and interesting.

What language do you want to learn more of? I’d love to be fluent in Spanish. I can only speak and understand a little. Brushing up on it by helping my mom do her Duolingo everyday for the past few months has been helpful.

Marriage Do you ever want to get married? No. I truly don’t see that happening for me.

Church or Registery Office? Dream wedding?

Names Your closest friends names? I don’t have any friends.

What names would you ever call your kids? I don’t want to have kids.

What name is the cutest for a little black and white doggie? I’m someone who needs to see and get a vibe from the dog first before naming them. And not just something that has to do with their color. 

Order Are you tidy? I’m not a messy person, like I don’t have clothes or stuff on my floor, I put my dishes in the sink after using them, I throw stuff away when I’m done, etc, but my room has become disorganized and a bit cluttered. I just have too much stuff and not enough space.

Do you colour code things or put them in alphabetical order? No.

Do you have any form of OCD? No. People throw that around loosely.

Promises Do you make promises often? No.

What was the last promise you made? I don’t even remember.

Do you plan to keep that promise?

Quizzes What types of online quizzes/surveys do you like taking? I like surveys with random and interesting questions that allow me to elaborate. And vent and ramble, too. I like ones like this that are divided up into categories. Themed surveys are fun as well.

Have you ever made a quiz? What was it about? No. I made a survey once a longggg time ago.

Have you ever taken an EQ or IQ test? If so, what did you get? I’ve taken IQ tests and got “above average.”

Responsibility Do you class yourself as 'responsible'? Not as much as I should be at 31 years old. :/ These past few years especially I really feel like I haven’t been responsible with a lot of things that I should be. 

What do you think defines a 'responsible' person? Someone dependable, keeps their commitments, and handles their business. They get shit done.

What is it that you are responsible for? Paying my bills, taking care of myself (haven’t been doing very well with that...), my doctor appointments, cleaning up after myself...

Secrets Do you have a lot of secrets? Not really. I’m quite boring.

"A secret isn't a secret if you tell one person." Is this true to you? Uhhh, that does make sense. You think of a secret as something you don’t share with someone else. I guess if it’s something you tell someone or a few select people that you trust that you wouldn’t want getting out to anyone else it could still be a secret, right? Something you don’t want everyone to know. *shrug*

Thought Provoking If you knew you had a high chance of dying, would you kill yourself before disease riddled you unable or hope for the best? Jeez. I don’t want to think about that.

Choose a box: 1 has a large amount of money, the other either a wish or fear of yours come true. Which do you pick? The money is tempting, but I might go with the wish...

An angel comes to you and offers to show you one thing from the future or the past; past or future and what is that thing gonna be? The future terrifies me, I’d be afraid to know a lot of things regarding my future. But I already know my past, so I don’t know what I’d ask them to show me. I don’t knowwww.

Unlucky

Would you say you are more unlucky or lucky? I don’t believe in luck. I would say I have had a lot of bad cards dealt to me and I also am fortunate in other ways. 

A leprechaun pops up and offers to plant some luck on you but it could go either way. Risk it or dismiss it? Dismiss it.

Violence When did you last hit or punch someone? I haven’t hit or punched anyone.

When did you last get hit or punched? Never.

Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? I’m not an aggressive person.

Warnings Do you listen when someone gives you a warning? I want to say I would likely listen to a warning, but I guess it would depend what it was about.

What warning has someone gave you that you wish you'd have listened to? That I should have taken care of some things sooner and not ignored/put them off for so long.

What warning has someone gave you you are glad you didn't take? I’m blanking right now. XXX

Have you ever had sex? No.

Have you ever accidentally saw someone having sex? No.

YouTube Do you go onto YouTube? I spend a lot of time on YouTube.

What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I don’t have just one favorite, I have a ton. I’m especially into ASMR.

What channels do you go on the most? I’m subscribed to several people---ASMRtists, vloggers, lifestyle videos, Disney related channels, a mukbanger, a drama commentary channel, and a channel that does videos on abandoned places and the rise and fall of former businesses that are no longer around.

Zodiac What's your starsign? Leo.

What are the traits of that sign? Do you have them? Leos are described as being very opposite of me that’s for sure. I don’t believe in that stuff anyway, though.

What zodiac sign do you think you suit the most? I don’t care.

Number 1 Name me 1 person who has changed your life for the better? My mom.

Name me 1 object that's in your kitchen right now? My Keurig.

Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? ALL bugs.

Number 2 2nd person that you talked to today was... I haven’t talked to anyone yet, it’s 820AM and my mom is asleep and my dad and brother are at work.

What is 2 times your favourite number? 16.

You and two of your friends have got in trouble with the law. Who are the 2 friends you have got in trouble with and what did you do? No friends, sooo.

Number 3 3 words that don't describe you at all: Healthy, ambitious, confident.

Who is 3rd in your contacts list on your phone? I don’t feel like checking.

In 3 more days, what will the date be? It will be January 25, 2021.

[atrainernamedradish]

Top 10 Favorite Pokemon

You’d think a top 10 for my favorite Pokemon of all times would be easy, but it has taken me quite a while with some soul searching to actually comprise this list together. While I feel as though most of this list is slightly unique compared to most top 10s, you will still find a few Pokemon in here on typical favorite lists.

Since this is a top 10 some Pokemon had unfortunately to be cut. So here are my Honorable Mentions: Slurpuff, Rowlet, Furret, Leafeon, Bulbasaur, Maractus, Appletun, Vanillite, Girafarig, and Braixen.

Top 10 Favorite Pokemon:

10) Cradily

I’m not normally one for fossil Pokemon. Don’t get me wrong, I think reviving fossils is a cool concept with Gen VIII expanding on the idea of creating abominations against what nature intended, but other than that… the concept falls flat for me after that. Not to mention most of the fossil Pokemon designs don’t do much for me. However, the Cradily line has come a long to be that exception towards my general distaste for them.

I’d like to think it was the typing of grass that gave this old fossil the charm to win me over. My Sun Wonderlocke is also a big metagaming factor with Cradily having survived on the winning team that beat the challenge.

It’s got a unique typing and a weird design being the oddball on this top list, but it deserves its spot nonetheless.

9) Gogoat

Sometimes you just need a Pokemon that has a good design, a favorite typing, a decent move pool, and fun to use on a team to become someone’s favorite, and that’s exactly what this Pokemon did to earn its spot on this list. Plus, whenever I play XY I always wanna use one lol!

8) Roserade

Some might disagree with me, but giving Roselia a pre-evolution and evolution was one of the best things to ever happen to it. Roserade is just so cool yet so elegant all in one design. (Budew is hands down my favorite baby Pokemon, if anyone is curious~) I also have this weird fixation on roses so that’s another reason why I adore its design~

Every time I play in the Sinnoh games I almost always want to use one on my team. (Playing a Torterra playthrough and fighting that urge haha!)

And not only is it a solid grass type, but a poison one to boot!~

7) Ampharos

...speaking of Pokemon that I almost always wanna use when I’m in their native region…

Three Pokemon on this list are here from my fondness of them as a child/pre-teen with Ampharos being one of them. Ampharos is definitely an odd one for its typing: slower and bulkier despite being a pure electric type, which had a niche of being faster and fragile. Not to mention it’s a sheep that sheds and grows into a llama! So I guess you could say its oddness is what I find so charming about it~

6) Breloom

...and also speaking of childhood favorites that are charmingly odd…

Breloom’s design and typing makes no sense, unless you wanna count the fact that it looks like it has some kangaroo in there for the fighting part… *shrugs* and I couldn’t care less. I have no idea (besides the mushroom part) what this Pokemon is supposed to be and I love that! It’s just so useful and good and it’s almost always on my Hoenn team.

5) Eevee

There are people probably rolling their eyes and groaning in dismay, but I will forever stick by this Pokemon. When I was a kid I was obsessed with this Pokemon! I had to have anything Eevee I could get my grimey little mitts on! My mom even made me an Eevee costume for Halloween that I remember fondly to this day!~

I know Eevee has reached overrated status, but honestly, and not saying this because it’s on my top list or anything, but uh… Eevee actually has a good reason for being popular besides being those who are the mascot (Pikachu) or nostalgia (Charizard). It’s cute and versatile. Do you need a certain type on your team? An Eeveelution can almost always fill that missing spot. Plus one of Pokemon’s biggest gimmicks in evolution, which Eevee sells pretty well since that’s its claim to fame!

But I will admit that Eevee is on here for nostalgia purposes and not putting it on here wouldn’t have felt right.

(If the Let’s Go games hadn’t have been a thing then this list would have been starterless… go figure.)

4) Sawsbuck

This Pokemon was originally lower on the list till I really sat down to explain why it was on here. Normally I have a hard time pinpointing what I like in a Pokemon design, and I was thinking of what I liked so much about it had I finally have a Pokemon to sort of show that in.

What I like about Sawsbuck’s design is that it’s not just a normal deer. It’s a deer mixed with a tree and its seasonal cycles. I like that it has forms that tie into an in-game mechanic instead of just bloating up the dex that fit its typing. Its name sneakily hints at the form changes too, which is brillant! You can clearly tell what its typings are just by looking at it. Some might argue that the Normal typing not so much, but, and myself included before, I have met a few people who have mistakenly slapped that typing onto the likes of Gogoat because Normal is usually associated with animals. Not to mention deer are a huge problem in the country in which the region is based off of so that was a smart decision in kaing one for those games. Sawsbuck is also quite handy at tanking a lot of physical damage, especially when you’ve got moves like Leech Seed and Horn Leech on it. So I thoroughly enjoyed using one the first and only time I have (though I plan to use it again at some point).

I hope I’ve made sense with why this particular Pokemon qualifies as the example of my choices in choosing Pokemon.

(Oh and if anyone is curious… the Autumn one is my favorite aesthetically out of the four forms.)

3) Ludicolo

This goofy looking thing puts a smile on my face. Its idle animation is charming, and it makes me giggle when it shimmies in its attack animation. I don’t know what it is about this thing that I simply adore, but finally having since used one in my first playthrough of Alpha Sapphire I almost cannot be in Hoenn and not use one. Not to mention I love the dual typing of water/grass. It’s so handy and such a good combination~ Overall Ludicolo is *chuckles* an odd duck that makes me feel joy every time I see or use one.

2) Alcremie

This was THE Pokemon I was the most excited to use in Galar upon its reveal!~ It was already so cute being a part of a theme of Pokemon I simply love: food-based Pokemon, and then what does it do? It can turn into a giant fucking cake! Like holy shit…! And then down the line in another reveal trailer what was the first thing I immediately noticed; an alternative colored one! What’s what Game Freak? Different flavors of this thing? Sign me up!

From its design, to its Gigantamax form, to its flavor forms, its shiny, and even the way you evolve it I just love everything about this Pokemon!~

(My only gripe is that if I want to Gigantamax one I have to go out of my fucking way to find one, and that irritates the fuck out of me! Not to mention two of its candy options are event exclusive, which is horse shit! But that’s just a personal gripe more than anything so don’t mind me…)

1) Aromatisse

This Pokemon is fat, pink and sassy, and I fucking LOVE it!~ It looks like someone tried to fuse a fuzzy perfume bottle with a cancan dancer, a flamingo, and a plague doctor mask, and we go this beautiful mess!~ I also love the fact that this thing is 50/50 on the gender scale so you could essentially have a drag queen on your team, which makes sense for its over-the-top design. I also love how it literally screams and whoops at you in its model cry. If it shows up you’ll see and hear it.

People talk about how cute its pre-evolution is and how they prefer it to Aromatisse, and honestly I’ve always felt the opposite of that. Spritzee is cute but Aromatisse is wonderful!~

It saddens me that my fandom will almost always put my favorite on the hated lists, but that’s how different opinions and tastes can be… *shrugs* 

(I’m sure many of you are cringing seeing this as #1 and that’s okay lol!)

[adrianaplays]

Get to know me tag! I was tagged by @thesimparrot (thank you so much bb! ✨💖) and I tag everyone who wants to do this! (because idk who’s been tagged and who hasn’t lol)

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions.

I gave myself the following traits: creative, perfectionist & loner. 

Questions are under the cut!

1. what is your full name: tamara (adriana is actually my middle name but I’ve always identified with that name more)

2. what’s your nickname: adri, tammy

3. birthday: november 20th

4. what is your favorite book series? the infernal devices probably

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I think I do!

6. who is your favorite author? I don’t have one tbh

7. what is your favorite radio station? anything that plays christmas songs atm! this is the only time of year I listen to the radio lol

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? vanilla

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? nice

10. what is your current favorite song? this one!

11.  what is your favorite word? damn

12. what was the last song you listened to? I WILL LOVE YOUUUU UNTIL MY DYING DAAAY

13. what TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? timeless, cable girls, the good place, friends

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? mamma mia (both the first and second one)

15. do you play video games? yup!

16. what is your biggest fear? the people I love dying or leaving me

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m a good listener

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? I always want to please people too much

19. do you like cats or dogs better? both! but right now I’m leaning more towards cats because I have my own cat

20. what is your favorite season? autumn

21. are you in a relationship? nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? not having to worry all the time

23. who is your best friend? I don’t have a best friend, just a couple of good ones

24. what is your eye color? brown

25. what is your hair color? brown

26. who is someone you love? my family

27. who is someone you trust? my mom

28. who is someone you think about often? my dad

29. are you currently excited about/for something? christmas!!!

30. what is your biggest obsession? chocolate

31. what was your favorite TV show as a child? anything disney channel and nickelodeon!

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? no one comes to mind

33. are you superstitious? a little

34. do you have any unusual phobias? I have a phobia of people in suits and mascots... which sounds weird but it’s a very real phobia ;-;

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

36. what is your favorite hobby? reading and playing video games

37. what was the last book you read? shatter me

38. what was the last movie you watched? bohemian rhapsody

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? I play the flute, piccolo and a lil’ bit of piano

40. what is your favorite animal? my kitty

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? I can’t choose, I love everyone I follow tbh!

42. what superpower do you wish you had? the power to teleport away from people’s bullshit

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? when it’s rainy outside and I’m at home

44. what makes you smile? memes

45. what sports do you play, if any? I cycle to work every day, does that count?

46. what is your favorite drink? chocolate milk

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? last week, it was for work though

48. are you afraid of heights? a little

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? two-faced people

50. have you ever been to a concert? twice! both were all time low concerts <3

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? no

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a stewardess lol but that was before I found out I’m terrified to fly

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? the harry potter universe

54. what is something you worry about? everything lol

55. are you scared of the dark? yeah

56. do you like to sing? I do!

57. have you ever skipped school? occasionally

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? london

59. where would you like to live? anywhere close to a theater

60. do you have any pets? a kitty!

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets

63. do you know how to drive? no, I’m terrified ;-;

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones

65. have you ever had braces? yes

66. what is your favorite genre of music? I love a lot of genres tbh

67. who is your hero? my mom

68. do you read comic books? I used to read donald duck when I was younger

69. what makes you the most angry? the world is going to shit atm and people are ignorant as hell about it

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? a real book

71. what is your favorite subject in school? history and english

72. do you have any siblings? I have an older brother and sister

73. what was the last thing you bought? a cappuccino in a coffee shop haha

74. how tall are you? 170 centimeters

75. can you cook? a little

76. what are three things that you love? chocolate, books, musicals

77. what are three things that you hate? ignorance, two-faced people and heat

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? female friends

79. what is your sexual orientation? straight

80. where do you currently live? the netherlands

81. who was the last person you texted? a friend

82. when was the last time you cried? a few days ago

83. who is your favorite YouTuber? carrie hope fletcher

84. do you like to take selfies? barely tbh

85. what is your favorite app? youtube

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? greater than it ever was tbh

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? Irish

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? paris, madrid, tokyo... and a lot more

89. what is your favorite number? any even number

90. can you juggle? no

91. are you religious? I’m not sure tbh... it’s complicated

92. do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? both are fascinating and terrifying at the same time!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? sometimes

94. are you allergic to anything? yeah, I’m allergic to pollen

95. can you curl your tongue? yes

96. can you wiggle your ears? no

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? almost always

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? I live near the beach so I’m used to it so forests!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? don’t give your attention to people who don’t deserve it

100. are you a good liar? nope, not at all

101. what is your hogwarts house? hufflepuff!

102. do you talk to yourself? never tbh

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

104. do you keep a journal/diary? I used to but not anymore

105. do you believe in second chances? rarely

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? make sure it gets returned to its owner

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? it depends...

108. are you ticklish? yeah

109. have you ever been on a plane? yeah I have several times

110. do you have any piercings? nope, zero

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? I don’t know tbh

112. do you have any tattoos? no I don’t

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? dropping out of high school (which sounds bad but it worked out in the end)

114. do you believe in karma? kinda

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? I wear reading glasses

116. do you want children? maybe? idk

117. who is the smartest person you know? my dad

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? one time a security person at the airport told me to have a good flight and I replied “thanks, you too” asjksjfhd

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yeah, I used to do that in college quite a lot

120. what color are most of you clothes? white, black and blue

121. do you like adventures? sure

122. have you ever been on TV? I was on local tv once because I sang in a choir when I was little lol

123. how old are you? 22

124. what is your favorite quote? “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”

125. do you prefer sweet or savory foods? sweet!!

[thatboomerkid]

The River-God’s Wishing Stone

The River-God’s Wishing Stone -- A Campaign Add-On for Bloodlines & Black Magic

The Archons hate the so-called “River-God” so much that they can frigging taste it.

They’ve been trying to kill (or contain) that big dumb bastard for somewhere on the order of sixty consecutive centuries now, is the thing ... and the nameless Goetic Titan just keeps on calmly getting right back up & re-starting his weird project right where he left off: choosing new surrogate mothers, granting them a series of reality-bending wishes, claiming sacrifices as payment and then eventually kidnapping some seemingly-arbitrary number of mortals to dwell for blissful(?) eternity within his bizarre, impenetrable, river-laced Astral realm.

At this point, the Invisible Masters of Heaven & Earth have thrown just about every last damn trick in the book they have at him, hoping to find something that will leave so much as a dent in the River-God’s thick skull.

He’s been ... slowed down. Technically.

His power in the modern era is still earth-shattering, of course. But he is, in theory, semi-contained.

At the moment.

Every few years, the Archons simply grit their teeth and accept that “losing the population of a small city,” “sending the inhabitant of an Abhorrent Heaven to kill the River-God’s mother & watching it die near-instantly” and/or “scrubbing all reference to the events of a specific half-decade within a given county or municipality from the internet forever” is the simply price they have to pay for doing business in this reality.

But let’s back up for a second.

Brought to you absolutely free to play, to test & to share, as always, by the fine folks of my Patreon.

original photography by Resa LaMont, digital editing by Tim Jenkins of Battle! Studio

The Ancient History of the River-God & his Mothers

Back before time was, in the unknowable days when magic ruled the universe openly & early humans still lived or died (mostly died) at the mercy of Goetic Spirits unconstrained by a holy Veil of the Grand Archons’ illuminated design -- or so the story goes -- the River-God was just one of many elder entities of inscrutable origin & insane power: Titans, who had to be put down like so many rabid dogs for the safety of the cosmic clockwork.

He wasn’t particularly special back then, of course. Old and weird and powerful, sure. A thing of multi-fold, pre-human terror, certainly. But no more notable than any given ancient mountain spirit, dune-sovereign or lord of the cold north bog.

By a peculiar quirk of fate, however, the creature who would become known in later centuries as the River-God was tied to a specific few twists & bends of a scattered assortment of major rivers with (mildly) usable land surrounding them: the sorts of places that routinely flood, providing natural irrigation.

Hunting-camps sprung up in his long green shadow. Pens for livestock. A few permanent dwellings, even. Lodges, then temples, then farms. A crossroads, here & there, bridges and workshops, simple townships. Eventually, the first true cities. People washed their clothing & bathed their children where he lazily curled, people drank from his rippling waters & took his wet clay to make their bricks, people scattered the ashes of their dead along the high reeds of his winding banks & they explored up and down his incalculable shining length.

People gathered at the river, and they invested it with power and wonder and worship. They marveled at the majesty of living water & living stone: an eternal ribbon of ever-flowing, ever-shifting life that can bring-forth floods & serpents, disease & horror at a whim ... or, instead, grant an impossible bounty, seemingly without effort or end.

They skipped smooth, worry-worn stones across his flesh and they dreamed their big mortal dreams; they stood waist-deep in his blood and they gazed at the infinite mysterious sky reflected in his rippling skin; they plunged their salty tears & dust-stained hands into him, singing their songs of hope & love, regret & rage ... and they made wishes with all their heart.

That’s when the trouble started.

Eventually, the River-God woke up. And he stayed awake. He didn’t have a name. He didn’t have a purpose. He didn’t have a place in any pantheon of spirits. As a side-note, the closest the Mesopotamians ever had was Ningirsu, who is said to have rerouted the Tigris & the Euphrates ... but he wasn’t actually their personification, if you can grok the distinction. 

When the River-God woke up, he was a child ... and he wanted his mommy.

He didn’t know much, but he knew that mortals liked making wishes. He knew that power came from death. He knew that he could walk into the world and that he could find what he wanted to claim & to keep: strike a deal with an uncaring, incomprehensible universe using the simplest kind of bargain, one far older than written language.

That was enough, and the River-God’s plan has pretty much evaded adaptation ever since by sheer force of brute, universe-rending magical potency.

The River God & his Mothers in the Modern Era

The River-God is a unique Water-Infused Giant Cursed Lord Noble Shaitan with the Chained to Mortal Whim Drawback. He thinks he’s human, anywhere from eight to thirteen years old (on rare occasion, between five to seventeen).

He only accepts the authority of women who could -- in theory -- be his mother: usually high-school girls, although some of his “mothers” have been college co-eds, young working-women or even elderly spinsters. He can’t recognize the authority of women who have children of their own, biological or adopted, and he will never, under any circumstances, harm a child.

Note that he also doesn’t recognize the authority of Blooded individuals or non-human creatures, so 99.9% of all PCs are right out. 

His iconic object is a smooth river-stone, unmarked and unremarkable.

It’s one of these. Probably.

If the River-God is ever momentarily incapacitated -- like, say, from a direct nuclear strike -- he is bound within his stone once more. His stone will always eventually wash up upon the banks of a river somewhere near or within a city, always to be found by a young woman who wishes her life were different.

He grants every single wish his new mother makes, often with horrible & tragic consequences. He then claims a life to pay for each wish, also often with tragic, horrible & brutally unforeseen consequences. 

Wishes granted by the River-God never harm his new mother. And they will never harm a child, either directly or inadvertently.

Everyone else? Yeah, everyone else is fair game.

Note that there is no warning-label written on the side of the stone.

The River-God most certainly doesn’t tell his new mother what she’s gotten herself involved in. He just carves her will -- or some vaguely reasonable facsimile thereof -- directly into the screaming, unwilling universe in a brick-stupid, incredibly alien attempt to please her.

He listens to his new mother very carefully. He listens all the time. He watches her. He protects her. He loves her & he cares for her. He talks to her, sometimes, when she seems very lonely or very scared. He appears to her in dreams. And he makes whatever she says she wishes were so just so.

The River-God often has to expend multiple daily uses of his wish spell-like ability to correctly take a life to “pay” for the wishes he grants, but it’s okay: he knows that’s part of the deal, an agreement as old as time itself.

Every time his mother says “I wish ...”, the River-God knows in his deepest heart-of-hearts that she also means “... and I accept the sacrificial price.”

She doesn’t have it say that last part out loud. It’s implied. ALWAYS.

Even if she says “ ... and I hope nobody dies this time.”

That’s not how magic works, silly.

The River-God has a long memory, and he can recall a list of wishes for days or weeks or even months if he has to. He grants them all in order & pays for them as he goes -- each & every -- all in slow motion, like the river running to the sea.

This cycle of wish-granting and sacrifice continues until the River-God’s new mother either throws the stone away or until the exact moment that she wishes for one of the following things:

Godhood or immortality

Infinite beauty

Infinite power

Infinite wealth

Infinite happiness

Infinite talent (artistic, athletic, intellectual, other)

Something else deeply wonderful and vastly beyond the human

At that time, the River-God transfigures his new mother into her new form and vanishes her off to his otherworldly realm.

We don’t know much about the fates of the River-God’s previous mothers, but we can safely assume that they are all godlike, immortal, beautiful, powerful, wealthy, talented & happy beyond mere human comprehension.

When this vanishing happens, the River-God often takes along whatever other mortals he thinks his mother might like to have with her in her eternity in paradise: friends, family, pets, servants, slaves, that sort of thing.

No one knows what happens to them.

They just vanish.

A few days or weeks, months or years later ... a smooth river stone washes up upon the banks of a river somewhere near or within a city, ready & eager to be found by a young woman who wishes her life were different.

The River God’s Power

The River-God can’t be killed, because even the Grand Archons -- with all their incalculable power -- can’t get people to stop worshiping him in that tiny, weird little way that he’s adapted over the last six millennia to feed off-of.

The River-God is who you’re praying-to whenever you beg for something under your breath while you cross over a bridge: when you’re not really praying, just kind of hoping-out-loud. The River-God is who you’re sacrificing-to when you skip a few stones along the creek on a warm spring evening, thinking about what you reckon ought to be different. The River-God’s soul is that melancholy mist you see out the window when you watch the late autumn rain fall on the pond: just wishing, most certainly not begging for any specific saint or martyr to intercede on your behalf with a higher power.

The River-God loves cities, because they’re full of people. Cities love rivers, and huddle close around them. People love rivers & cities, wishing & dreaming: they can’t stop. They never do.

The Archons would have to lobotomize about 8 billion people and drain about 10 million cubic miles of water out into the ocean before they could reasonably expect the River-God to starve to death from lack of prayer & sacrifice over the next few decades.

Don’t think that they haven’t considered it.

Using the River-God & his Mothers

Any storyline in which the PCs encounter the River-God (or a Goetic Titan of similar power) should be handed with exceptional care.

Remember: facing the River-God toe-to-toe in a straight-up challenge of “punch face, go hard” is closer to a ‘campaign-ending cataclysm on par with the coming of Earthfall’ than it to is a fight, as they say.

Instead ... perhaps a friendly & wealthy NPC -- possibly one who owes the PCs something important and valuable, promised in exchange for services rendered -- dies in a freak accident and leaves everything (his mansion, his fleet of cars, his occult library, etc.) to a random out-of-sate trailer-trash high school girl who may or may not be the child of his distant cousin.

Any cursory magical examination of this NPC’s now-abandoned house reveals that powerful arcane enchantments were used to kill him: after all, any use of 9th level spell-effects leaves plenty of residue behind. And even the most basic mundane investigation will unveil that a rash of mysterious deaths & creepy disappearances are actively plaguing the girl’s hometown.

Of course, if the PCs are doing most of their investigations online ... well, it shouldn’t startle them too much when news-reports and Wikipedia pages start vanishing into thin air: Haziliah, Grand Archon of Spirits & Lightning, (see Bloodlines & Black Magic pg. 204) takes a personal interest in bottling-up all mention of the River-God and his manifestations.

Eventually, the PCs will have to go & track this girl down in person. When they do, they’ll bump heads with any number of other occult investigators, each with their own mission, all trying to keep quiet in a town slowly going mad.

Once she has the Wishing Stone, there is a 10% cumulative chance each day that the that the River-God’s mother will make a wish. You can decide what this wish is privately or roll on one of the charts below.

1d30 Sample Wishes ... and their results: [If you don’t have access to a d30, feel free to roll 1d20+1d10, then round up or down as necessary as you remove results that have already been rolled]

I wish my [friend or family member] wasn’t so embarrassing: the chosen friend or family member becomes incredibly proficient at some natural skill or talent -- gaining a permanent +10 bonus on all Craft, Profession or Performance checks of the appropriate type; note that within an O7 setting, this often grants such a character an instantaneous world-class level of ability -- and thus gains improved confidence, becoming more attractive & popular as a result.

I wish my [friend or family member] wasn’t so embarrassing: chosen friend or family member dies.

I wish I was the most popular girl in school: the River-God’s mother becomes inexplicably, incredibly popular. All creatures with a connection to the school have their attitude toward the River God’s mother shifted one category toward the positive (no save).

I wish I was the most popular girl in school: everyone in school more popular than the River-God’s mother dies in a freak accident. For example, a bus full of cheerleaders drives off a bridge during a storm.

I wish that I could eat whatever I wanted and it would make me skinny: the River-God’s mother loses weight until she is at her ideal proportions, no matter what food or beverages she consumes.

I wish I had an awesome new car: a close family member of the River-God’s mother comes into sudden money and decides to buy her a nice new car for reasons they cannot fully explain.

I wish I had an awesome new car: a distant family member of the River-God’s mother dies in a horrible accident. An awesome new car is left to the girl in their will.

I wish my [parental figure] would pay attention to me: the parental figure has an epiphany about their negative life choices and forever-after becomes more attentive & interested in the River-God’s mother.

I wish my [parental figure] would pay attention to me: the parental figure suffers a terrible mental breakdown or traumatic injury and becomes completely dependent on the River-God’s mother for their every need.

I wish my [boyfriend/girlfriend] had more money: the current love-interest of the River-God’s mother comes into sizable fortune or suddenly gets a new, much better-paying job.

I wish my [boyfriend/girlfriend] had more money: the current love-interest of the River-God’s mother dies, leaves or vanishes. A new love interest, much wealthier, becomes interested in the River-God’s mother.

I wish my [family member or love interest] didn’t hit me: the family member or love interest becomes a significantly better person, often making a “lifestyle 180″ overnight. This person might inexplicably quit a job that causes them stress or give up all substance abuse cold turkey.

I wish my [family member or love interest] didn’t hit me: the family member or love-interest becomes physically incapable of hitting the River-God’s mother, usually due to a terrifying freak accident that may cripple or permanently disable them.

I wish [any one person] was dead / I wish [ex-boyfriend, bully or rival] would [rot, keel over and die, die in a fire, choke on their own bull]: target dies in an appropriately horrible way. Note that this death must still be paid-for via a sacrifice.

It wish [any one person] would get what was coming to them: target suffers a horrible, karmic accident.

I wish I was top of my class: a strange glitch in the school’s computer system causes the River-God’s mother to have the highest listed GPA in the school. This error cannot be corrected.

I wish I was top of my class: everyone with a higher GPA than the River-God’s mother suddenly gets very ill, either dropping out of school or transferring to another institution.

I wish I was top of my class: all of the teachers working with the River-God’s mother immediately begin showing her dangerously obsessive favoritism, willing to lose their jobs rather than see her grades fall.

I wish I wasn’t grounded / didn’t have detention: the person who chose to punish the River-God’s mother casually changes their mind and cancels the punishment, even if it’s a bizarrely out-of-character choice to make.

I wish I wasn’t grounded / didn’t have detention: a horrible tragedy strikes the town where the River-God’s mother lives. Everyone is so shocked & heartbroken that no one even remembers that she was supposed to be grounded or in-detention.

I wish there wasn’t school tomorrow / I wish I didn’t have work in the morning: school or work is inexplicably cancelled for reasons that no one can explain.

I wish there wasn’t school tomorrow / I wish I didn’t have work in the morning: school or work is cancelled due to flooding from a burst pipe or a freak storm.

I wish there wasn’t school tomorrow / I wish I didn’t have work in the morning: school or work is cancelled due to a bomb threat, a murder on campus or another extreme occurrence.

I wish there wasn’t school tomorrow / I wish I didn’t have work in the morning: school or work is cancelled when the entire building caves in.

I wish I could fly: the River-God’s mother is randomly sent airline tickets to a favorite destination, perhaps after winning them in a contest.

I wish I could fly: the River-God’s mother gains the ability to levitate at will as a spell-like ability. Each round after beginning to use this ability, she is also subject to an invisibility effect that ends when she lands. NOTE: Because this ability sort-of preserves the secrets of the Archons, it is believed that this second effect is a fail-safe put in place by their hand. This is also usually the second-to-last wish that the River-God’s mother makes, as her next wish often gives him an opportunity to take her away to live with him forever.

I wish I could [sing, act, draw, dance]: the River-God’s mother gains a permanent +10 bonus on all Craft, Profession or Performance checks of the appropriate type. Note that within an O7 setting, this often grants her an instantaneous world-class level of ability.

I wish I was the prettiest [sister, cheerleader, employee, etc.]: the River-God’s mother becomes significantly more attractive.

I wish I was the prettiest [sister, cheerleader, employee, etc.]: the River-God’s mother becomes significantly more attractive AND all of her rivals become less attractive due to acne outbreaks, bizarre accidents, allergic reactions or other non-lethal tragedies.

I wish [love interest] would ask me to prom/homecoming/other event: the River-God’s love interest asks her to the event within 24 hours. If the love interest is in another relationship, they end it immediately.

1d30 Sample Wishes ... with their results left entirely vague: [As above, if you don’t have access to a d30, feel free to roll 1d20+1d10, then round up or down as necessary as you remove results that have already been rolled]

I wish I could just get into [college, internship, job]

I wish I didn’t have to work at all.

I wish school was just over for the semester.

I wish I had the coolest [car, clothes, hair] in school.

I wish my [parental figure] wasn’t sick.

I wish people valued me for my intelligence instead of just my looks.

I wish people could just be honest.

I wish I didn’t have to sleep.

I wish I wasn’t scared.

I wish [rival or bully] would just leave me alone.

I wish we could make it to [state championships or other major competitive event]

I wish I had unlimited [make-up, accessories, tacos].

I wish this [homework, paperwork] was just frigging done.

I wish I didn’t have to babysit tonight.

I wish I could just get into that [show or event].

I wish my friends weren’t busy during [specific time].

I wish my friends were cooler / I wish I had cooler friends.

I wish I knew what everyone actually thought about me:

I wish I had better social media presence.

I my [parental figure] couldn’t see what I was doing all the time.

I wish I had a magic toaster.

I wish everybody shared my ideals

I wish I didn’t have to poop.

I wish I’d never get sick.

I wish I had [piece of media: book, movie].

I wish it wasn’t so [hot, cold, rainy].

I wish I could just sleep here.

I wish [parental figure] would pay attention to me.

I wish [sibling] wouldn’t take my things.

I wish [departed loved one] wasn’t dead.

The Sacrifice:

Whenever the River-God grants a wish, he takes a life in payment; usually (but not always), this is a person or animal close to the River-God’s mother. This ugly sacrifice serves not only as “payment” but has the added benefit of isolating the wisher: filling her with grief, making her more dependent on the River-God’s direct otherworldly power, increasing the odds that she will make another wish ... or make an open-ended wish that he may grant by abducting her.

People & animals who die in this way always appear to suffer some type of tragic but ultimately mundane accident, although the circumstances may be quite creepy ... and serve as excellent plot-hooks for PCs.

The River-God’s mother makes a wish. Someone dies. Who is it? [Roll 1d12]:

A close friend of the River-God’s mother

A distant relative

A neighbor

An estranged, long-lost or childhood friend

A neighbor’s pet or a close friend’s pet

A family pet

A family friend or a co-worker of the River-God’s mother

A co-worker of a family member of the River-God’s mother

The owner of a local business frequented by the River-God’s mother

A relative of a close friend

A neighbor of a close friend

A close family member of the River-God’s mother

Deaths that are ordained to occur in this way usually happen within 24-48 hours of a wish being granted, often (but not always) at night and usually presaged by rain, flooding, burst pipes and power-outages.

Note the the River-God’s mother doesn’t get a text alert about a death caused in this way: she may learn about a death days or even weeks later.

Threshold Increases:

If a character’s Threshold increases to an odd number from direct exposure to the presence (or the power) of the River-God or current chosen mother, he may gain one of the following Oddities (roll 1d12):

You may grant a wish to a non-Blooded human, as per the rules above, once per week. You must both be standing in water (at least ankle-deep) when this wish is made. A tragic death, as per the rules above, occurs within one week to pay for this wish.

You always leave wet footprints, as if you had just stepped out of the shower or the swimming pool. Any place that you sleep is soaked when you wake up, as if you had laid down while sopping wet.

You may use water breathing once per day as a spell-like ability; your character level is the caster level for this effect. This ability may not be used in salt water.

You may use the create water cantrip at-will with a range of touch: you must physically strike the place from which water will flow, usually by stomping, slapping or whacking the spot with a stick.

As long as you can see the edge of the water in multiple directions, you always gain the benefits of water walk. Thus, you can walk across a river or a swimming pool but not (for example) across empty ocean. If you ever cannot see the edge of the water (because it is dark, because you are blindfolded or for any other reason), you lose this ability.

You may drink any substance without getting sick; you gain an immunity to ingested poisons and you cannot be harmed by drinking anything that is a liquid. In addition to this limited poison immunity, you are considered to have energy resistance (all energy types), fast healing and hardness equal to your Hit Dice for purposes of consuming any substance covered by the rules above. Thus, for example, you could drink a steaming cup of bleach, hydrochloric acid or liquid nitrogen without suffering damage. You are highly susceptible to thirst, and must drink 10 gallons of water (or one gallon of blood) each day to avoid dehydration; if you become fatigued due to thirst, you lose all supernatural and spell-like abilities until such time as you drink again and receive 8 hours of rest.

You may always “skip” a handheld object upon a sufficiently-large body of water a full seven times. For example, you could fling a handgun or cellphone and have it skip seven times across a swimming pool before finally sinking. You may skip objects this way even if you are blindfolded, but you must have at least one hand free to activate this ability.

Once per day, as a full round action that provokes attacks of opportunity, you may call forth heavy precipitation. This supernatural ability causes rain – or snow, sleet and fierce wind, if the temperature is below 30 degrees Fahrenheit – to begin falling within a 2 mile radius around you after a number of minutes equal to (1d20 -[your level]). In addition to automatically extinguishing any unprotected flames, precipitation of this magnitude has a 50% chance of extinguishing protected light-sources such as hooded lanterns (but not flashlights). Ranged weapon attacks and Perception checks made outdoors during this shower suffer a -4 penalty, although you are immune to this penalty. The precipitation lasts for 1d4 hours plus your level in hours before abating. You may also choose, when you activate this ability, to summon dense fog: this obscures all sight beyond 5 feet, including darkvision. Creatures more than 5 feet away have concealment – attacks by or against them have a 20% miss chance – and you are not immune to this penalty. This fog lasts for 1d10 minutes plus your level in minutes or until the precipitation ends, whichever comes first.

As long as both you and your opponent are standing in at least an inch of water, whenever you win a bull rush check by 5 or more and push your target into a stone barrier, your target must make a Reflex save (DC 10 + 1/2 your HD + your Strength modifier) or be forced into the barrier as if your target had cast meld into stone. Your victim is trapped in this way until she makes a successful Fortitude save (same DC as above) as a full-round action to exit the stone. While you are standing in at least an inch of water, you may use meld into stone at will.

You gain fast healing 1 as long as you are at least hip-deep in water and at least one of your feet is touching stone. You cannot heal in any way (magical or mundane) while you are completely dry.

Once per day as a standard action, you may touch a single metal object of no more than 10 pounds and transform it into any other metal for 24 hours. During any time that this metal object is submerged fully in water, the duration of your metamorphosis does not elapse: thus, if you touched a copper penny and turned it into a silver penny or an adamantine penny, then immediately thew that coin into a fountain or kept it in a glass of water on your nightstand, it would not transform back into copper until 24 hours after being removed from the water.

Roll 1d10+1 twice, taking both results. If you gain the same result for both rolls, re-roll one of the dice.

[aeschknight]

20 Questions Tag

Thank you to @sstephwrites for the tag!

Rules: Answer 20 questions and then tag 20 people that you’d like to know better.

Nickname(s): Ash (Tumblr made me spell it weird haha)

Height: 5ft 4

Orientation: Bisexual

Favorite fruit: Pineapple

Favorite season: Autumn

Favorite flower: Sunflower

Favorite scent: The way the woods smell after/during rain. I don’t even know how to properly explain that smell it’s just very alive.

Favorite color: Black

Favorite animal: I could give a lot of answers for this. I love cats, foxes, raccoons, owls, pretty much all animals that aren’t in the insect or arachnid families

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: Coffee. Don’t get me wrong, I like tea and hot chocolate but I don’t need tea and hot chocolate. I’m a far less enjoyable person to be around without coffee.

Average hours of sleep: 4-5 hours maybe 6 if I’m exhausted 

Cat person or dog person: Cat person but I’m fond of dogs as well.

Favorite fictional characters: Ronan Lynch (The Raven Cycle), Draco Malfoy, Sherlock Holmes, and a lot of others. For some reason, perhaps it’s because of the lack of coffee, my brain is labeling fictional people as real people right now and no making a decent list for me to pull from haha

Number of blankets you sleep with: As many as possible but at least one at all times. Even when the summer is reaching hell status, I still have a blanket, albeit a very thin one.

Dream trip: I desperately want to travel and there are many “dream trips” to choose from. But a trip is something you come back from so I’ll choose this one: I want to take my mother to the south of France. She’s an artist and her favorite style is Impressionism (and Post-Impressionism), something which she passed on to me. She’s always wanted to see one of the places that helped inspire so many brilliant artists so it would be an amazing trip for both of us.

Blog created: I’ve had multiple blogs but this was the first one geared towards what I actually want to do with my life (and using my own name). I’m really glad that I seriously started using this blog because the writeblr part of this site is amazing. I’ve met so many creative people and have gained an unbelievable amount of useful resources.

Number of followers: 34

Random fact: When I was answering the favorite animal portion of this I was reminded that people would probably find it weird that I love raccoons. I actually had pet raccoons at one point as a child. Their mother was killed so we took them in and raised them. We raised them not really as pets per se but so they would be alright on their own back out in the wild. Raccoons are awesome pets though. They’re kind of like puppies because they follow you around but they can grab things so they actually will play with you. They use to love to play with my mom’s earrings and glasses. When they grew up, they returned, on their own, to the woods but they’d still come back every now and then in the evening and play with mom and I on the porch before they went back. So that’s why raccoons made it on the list haha

I’m going to tag: @cassandra-yannu-writes @bumbling-wordsmith @sleepy-and-anxious @bookwisebriggy @lottieiswriting @constantlyincosmicconfusion

No pressure friends and anyone else who sees this and wants to join in, please do!

[readfelice-blog]

moominland chronicles elf . its not you, its me.

Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and caldron bubble. Fillet of a fenny snake, In the caldron boil and bake; Eye of newt and toe of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog, Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg and howlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and caldron bubble. Cool it with a baboon's blood, Then the charm is firm and good.

It's late today, well i mean there is no set time, but im slow, on this gorgeous early autumnal sunday, i dozed till 15h, getting up intermittently to empty my washing machine, tug at my hair (vinegar makes it sticky? I'm trying to find the perfect all natural solution to shampoo because I’m no poo now : https://www.nopoomethod.com , in fact i’m practising a very loose version of alchemy in my house, trying to find drinks that energise but don't make me anxious, cleaning solutions for my body and for my house that bewitch the nostrils and incinerate grease / kalk. Essentially I’m just concocting weird stuff, hunched over materials collected around the city, boiling my hell broths in ikea pans, surrounded by recycled jars).....

Lets press on…...

Yes, my morning, my intro to the day, I was up so late because I was up last night so late, till 4am, painting and listening to sweet feminine soundwaves in my kitchen, getting it done in my way, step by step. Because now I’m working a 5 day week again, my days are 3 hours long, 5 at a push, 6 in the most extreme cases, so now I’m back to burrowing out time where i can find it, because now i have my teeth dug in to a big project, a big project that will be realized, for the first time since may May last year.

May last year:

I killed myself, artistically, me artistically is the majority of me.

My whole life has been sewn into my practise, my method, my way of understanding and redistributing everything that comes into my life, and May last year I moved out of the house I shared with my ex husband , moon, and into a shared flat, to embark on a restorative journey. Me and moon were not doing well in our little cramped caravan, we were at each other's throats incessantly, already broken up, him with a new partner, me in full swing of frantic madness, fuelled by bottomless bottles of booze.

Day in day out in my studio, I slowly turned my 450sq ft basement into a mermaids cave, drunk on 8% cider, night after night, sticking black bin liners to the walls with double sided tape, hanging spirals of bubblewave to the ceiling, spray painting floor tiles, screaming at the camera on my iphone half naked, making terrifying life size dolls and cry singing to myself, emphatically paranoid and fractured, writing letters to a man I’d never met who I thought could save me. It was my last great project, I created a film I can never show my parents and documented myself throwing my life away, in my wedding dress, shadowed by the virgin: a wreckage, a car crash, a lot of footage I haven’t been able to edit because I haven’t got the equipment to do so.

It's all stored on a clunky hard drive bundled up with the moon, he saved it for me, without him I would of lost it because my laptop, his laptop, broke in the middle of me editing it and since then its been untouched. I’m afraid the hours of video that follow me dancing around everything i’d ever owned up until that point, rigorously chucking it all in more black bin liners. When I can find a place to edit everything and the capacity in my mind, then I can piece it back together and show it to the world.

Since May last year, I have totally uprooted my life, moved out of London, had a very strange, sometimes beautiful, sometimes harrowing time with my family in Devon, rolled through Turin, Cork, Helsinki, chasing the man I’ve never met, blocking the man I’ve never met at the behest of my friend in Cork, defending and understanding my art more deeply in Helsinki, and finding Tove Jansson. Her bronze bust on the door of the studio she used to hold, her gorgeous expanding black and white prints in the mumin cafe that towered in the sky under artificial light, her room in the museum of Modern Art, her soul in the botanical gardens amongst the families having lunch together.

It's been a glorious invigorating illuminating intrepid journey (I’ve been writing a hip hop song recently, can you tell?) but its not been anything monumental in terms of creation and since May last year is the longest time I have gone without a major project in my life, for possibly my entire adult life, bar being at uni, where conversely I was more orientated towards squat parties than art making.

So here I sit now, with a great big juicy exciting idea inflated in a giant balloon, ready to be released into the atmosphere, the only snag is that it needs to be manifested into real material, which means a lot of work, and so, I find myself back in a place I’d forgotten about.

That's the very good thing about having such a long break, is now I can totally observe what happens to me when I’m in this phase: it’s quite extreme from a fledgling perspective.

Not fueled by booze this time, but instead concocting things to give me a buzz that I can buy in the supermarket (don’t drink to much valerian, it gives you a bad tummy, im not drowsy or euphoric I just feel sick from the after affects and rancid smell) and developing my cleaning routine to be the most streamlined and creative that it can be, to give my art sustenance.

But if I could I would lock myself away from the world in a cabin far up on a mountain and painfully draw out everything in a more concentrated form, the cleaning is fine for now but it's hard to concentrate when I have to go to peoples houses and deal with their kalk as well, it might be one of the factors in why the whole thing is so stressful, but I have the suspicion that it will always be stressful, even if I ever get the luxury to entirely dedicate my day to working on my art.

The big thing I’m noticing is incessant, almost intolerable paranoia, that someone will steal my idea and present it to the world before I’m done. I notice it now and then I turn and look at my past and see its infected traces throughout my history, it's a big driving force in getting the work finished and I’m starting to see that I cannot share or talk about what I’m doing when I’m in the midst of it, but all i want to do is share and talk about it, hence why that cabin would be a better place than a city I’m not fully established in.

I know it’s unreasonable, untrusting, maybe even unkind of me, to believe that someone would steal something like this from me. I know that sharing ideas is healthy and loving and makes the world go round, but this paranoia is totally immovable and so I just accept it and try to satiate it, hoping by feeding it homemade remedies that it won’t make my life worse.

But these big idea’s, they come upon me, I don’t choose them, all the strands of my life and experimentation ferment slowly and then one day I wake up and I know what I have to do, then as I start to do it it grows and morphs, develops, things come and go from my wall, until I have reduced and finelined the parameters of a project, that's where I am now, all the mental groundwork is laid, its just the creation that's left, I’m now half way through the musical aspect of it but not halfway through the visual and I need to amp up, because it must be done by November the second, so I can take it to Turin with me, so I can deposit it at the gates of hell, so I can complete a cycle, so I can be free to make blue music and who knows what, maybe try something formless, kind and organic - that's not for me to know yet though.

Once it rears its great dense head, I am in its power, I am in the throng of obeying my art and that's a lonely place to be. It's lonely being an artist, some of us are collaborative and collective and have communities, but I’m not among those right now, this project, lets just call it by its name for here in : восем acht ocho : is not something I can share and make with others, it is a process of me picking up the pieces of my life, of giving praise to the moon, who has saved me and supported me so many times. I must give praise to him finally so I can move on and give praise to myself.

So I sit in my house and dutifully work back and forth between paint and ableton, singing and faux performing in my hallway in between, performing to my very tolerant invisible neighbours that must think I’m some kind of banshee from a deep buried part of the world. I sit in my house alone, I reject all the invitations extended to me, I retract from the life I am building to some extent and just hope the friends I have been finding will be understanding, though it's hard to explain to someone that I can’t come because of something I am choosing to do myself. It's not work related in terms of my bread and butter, Its not health related, I’m not resting, I guess a lot of people won’t understand which is perhaps why I feel compelled to try and somehow explain myself in this blog today.

I must make this work, it is not a choice, I am in my house alone because this idea has bound me up and demands my care and attention, because for the first time in over a year I can make work again and make it with diligence, create something on a large scale. It means that Berlin is working, this is the change I was looking for, because I feel like I have a future again, whilst the 100’s of drawings, paintings, books, trinkets from my life decay in some junk yard close to London, I have the space to bring new art into the world. It’s really a glorious turning point in my life so far.

I am still terrified that it will all collapse in on me at any time, but there are ways of fighting this paranoia, careful planning, creative problem solving, and probably just not talking about the details of what I am doing anymore until it is finished.

Phew, nothing enlightening this week, more of an attempt to bridge the gap between myself and the life that flows around me. I’m now off to edit my most current track on ableton then do some line work and probably make up some mixes of citric acid / bicarbonate of soda cleaner for the week ahead.

We just have to do what we must, and be grateful when we know what it is we must do.

[avengcrwanda]

Question Tag Game

Tagged by @caramelcosmiclatte  💖 Thanks for tagging me, this is one of the most interesting tag games I’ve encountered here on Tumblr. I made a separate post so it’s not so hard to scroll down for everyone.  😂

RULES: Answer ten questions that were sent to you, then make up ten new questions and tag ten more people with those questions. In this way, we perpetuate the meme in a cycle that only ends on the day that all of humanity’s questions have been answered and all that is left for us as a species is awkward small talk. Possibly about the weather. 

1. What is the meaning of your url?

This is pretty straightforward since it’s based on Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch of the Avengers. Current favorite because she’s so powerful. 

2. Soft, efflorescent spring mornings or cozy, glittering winter afternoons or misty, spectral autumn evenings or warm, starlit summer nights?

I live in a two-season country (hot and hotter) so not sure what to put on this one... probably glittering winter afternoons because I want to experience winter next. I love spring but I HATE waking up early so soft, efflorescent mornings are a no go. I’ve always found dusk sad and while I’m game for star gazing, I’d rather not do it on a warm night.

3. Share an inside joke you have with your friends/family but don’t explain it.

“6 likes.” That’s it. That’s the joke.

4. Do you play an instrument? If you don’t, is there an instrument you want to learn?

I used to play the piano but I stopped because my favorite instructor/teacher went abroad. The person who replaced her was mean as hell and which led to me resenting the piano lessons. Looking back on this, I wish I’d just told my parents that I wanted to continue but at a different school.

5. Which celebrity do you most want to meet in real life?

Current favorite now is Letitia Wright because of her views on faith. I read what she said on a day when I was feeling really low and it made me realize some things about my life that I need to fix.

6. Breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast?

Breakfast food all day. Pancakes? Waffles? Eggs Benedict? Bacon with potato wedges and sunny-side up eggs? French toast? I can eat these anytime, anywhere.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, what would you choose to be?

Do superheroes count as mythical creatures? 😂 Jk. Probably a fairy or a genie since they have magic. I can do whatever I want!

8. Describe your favorite outfit.

I am a homebody so I love lounging at home (duh). My favorite lounging outfit is an extra large Pusheen t-shirt that says “So lazy, can’t move” which my boyfriend got for me from the US, and a pair of boxers (as in men’s boxers. I hate that women’s shorts here are always tiny and fit).

Going out wise - any outfit from Uniqlo. They’re just so comfy.

9. What was the last movie that made you cry?

The last one that I remember was Moana, the scenes with her grandma. I just remember by grandma so bad. :( I was crying in the cinema, I was so embarrassed because everyone else was super quiet. That’s why I can never bring myself to watch Coco. I’ll be a bawling mess.

10. Have you had any interesting dreams lately? Any boring dreams? Any fractured and nonsensical dreams? Or are there any dreams you had long ago that you still remember? Tell me about your dreams ✨

I’ve been so tired lately that I haven’t had dreams! But a weird recurring I have is I’m running away from something and then I always fall down a set of stairs. The locations change but they’re mostly places I go to, e.g. school, the office, my house. I don’t want to know what it means LOL.

My ten questions:

1. What’s your favorite junk food?

2. What’s the one thing you promised you’d never do but keep doing anyway?

3. If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be and why?

4. If you could change one thing about the world’s past, what would it be and why?

5. In your opinion, what is the biggest problem in Tumblr today?

6. You have three wishes (and you can’t wish for more). What will you wish for and why?

7. What is one lesson you learned as a child that still affects your life today?

8. Best piece of advice that you’d like to share to people.

9. Is education a right or a privilege? 

10. What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you?

I put in Miss Universe questions. HAHA.

I’m tagging @reylocanoncrumbs @bunilicious @tellcassiopeia @shirayukihime22 @carrie-reylo @death-maiden @the-yellow-anon @bistormtrooper @enjoyallneednothing-blog @kylorenvevo

Optional for those tagged, free for those who want to do!

[frogsandfries]

Ffr

I got kinda fucked up last night, but I hadn't eaten anything since early yesterday afternoon. I had like a quarter of a Joose and about two servings of THC caramel. So maybe that wasn't a good idea. I woke up with a raging headache, which was probably compounded by the fact that I've been unintentionally fasting.

The bad news is, every time I do drink or consume THC, the closer I get to just letting go of my inhibitions, and knowing I'm about to do something that would probably make my friend's girlfriend mad, even if I wasn't thinking in terms of treading on her metaphorical toes, it kills my fun.

I could feign forgetfulness..... like I'm pretending I don't know my friend has no trouble touching my knee when he thinks I'm asleep, but he won't when I'm awake, and I still haven't called him out for..... idk, "forgetting what personal space is" when he's high, or being super cuddly but also super low-key about it? I did mention he was super cuddly and he just blew it off, so either we're both playing with fire, or he wasn't aware of practically sitting in my lap. Anyway. All this lying and pretending is gong to catch up, at least to me.....</p>

I would just come out with it and be like, "yeah I had a crush and it went away when you seemed to be telling me how dedicated you are to your relationship and it came back double-strength when we started living together, but it's mellowed back out to a peaceful contentment just to be near you" but he's in a relationship. He seems happy; he likes taking care of people (I know what you're thinking "Soph, that seems to be your type; remember your ex?" I know, I know); he wouldn't be truly happy with me, I'm too stubborn to be taken care of. I couldn't get in the way of that. But I've started wondering if I'd be getting in the way of anything. If they're really as happy as they seem. Because his girlfriend, last we spoke, seemed really insecure. But who knows, maybe knowing I'm an ex and had a recent crush on him has caused her to double down.

I mean, I feel bad enough knowing he isn't quite sure his girlfriend will even move in with us this autumn. I kind of want to give him an out, but I don't want to get in the middle of their relationship if they're going to try to work it out.... I also just feel guilty because she IS so young, compared to us, it just doesn't seem fair. Besides, it's egotistical to believe he'd leave her because I conceded to the truth.

I know his history and I don't want to feed into the cycle.

It's weird. I had an insane, incurable crush on one of my friends in college, but I've learned all kinds of ways of muting down my crushes. I'm sure you guys remember when my ex took me out for the first time and kept calling me "just a friend". Oof, way to kill a crush. Maybe after that, we should've stayed friends because throughout the whole relationship, the event that killed my crush, basically muted my whole attraction to them. But I wanted to try it on for size. I'm willing to be in a relationship with someone who isn't my bestest friend ever, as long as we have sex and get along. Unfortunately, I kept not noticing the not getting sex part, and the getting along decayed the more I forced them to work.

Having to sit on this one like I have been is doing a pretty good job of muting it. But we're still really good friends, I don't think there's anything I could do that would change that. Plus, I had a crush on my friend's girlfriend before she showed me a rather ugly side. Crushes are such delicate things. I'm just waiting for the thing that kills this crush. I'm still convinced it's just latent, leftover material from being abandoned the first time and convinced he'll choose someone over me again, or something like that.

Anyway. Yeah.

It was kind of rough to hear him concede he doesn't feel like he can tell his girlfriend how hard he's trying.... She really is his princess. Maybe she would like to hear his doubts and internal struggle, but.....idk I say maybe, I know she would like him to come to her with his struggles. But she IS so young! It's hard to say how she might actually respond to him showing her how adult life is. Am I lucky that he sees me as a peer to confide in?

I don't want to confess to having a lingering crush or take back what I said about the past being the past. I meant those things, I did have, in the past tense, a crush, and I got over it. The past is in the past, even if it still pokes its ugly head into present-day life. I don't want to be the present and immediate option. I don't want him to choose me because I'm here or because I'm asking. I guess I'm more interested in building our relationship as it is, around his girlfriend, and for things to work out organically.

And if not, his girlfriend leaves the picture and we still have this framework between us, I don't think that will change. We're trying to work together to form a life that will be happy, pleasant and fulfilling for all three of us, one of which is not present. If she never arrives, things don't change for me, unless my friend has a total meltdown. He's been very touchy about her coming; it could very well be over if she doesn't. But if we're pooling our resources on a place, I can't afford for him to disappear.....

I dunno. I'm just anxious...... I don't want to be the backup plan, but I guess it's hard to feel like my position is so uncertain.....I don't want him to just disappear again....