#but im just so nervous amd anxious and i kind of hate myself a lot
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i feel like ive hit a mjor reset button my life and its literally tearing me apart
#i keep forcing my partner and I into this horrible cycle#every time he leaves for long distance a part of me lashes out at him#and at us#and i really really fucked up this time#like almost broke up with him type fucked up#which i never thought hed have like a hard#im breaking up with you boundary#weve talked and like#things are alright#but im just so nervous amd anxious and i kind of hate myself a lot#i feel like that i needed to like have this fight or whatever bc i needed the catharsis of like#knowing that he still wants and needs me#and like#idk i needed to open the doors for healthy communication#but like#i didnt have to literally break his heart to do that#but i did#i really actually did i literally hurt him like#beyond repair#its gonna take like more than 2 years to even get to some semblence of feeling okay#and idk#it just hurts so much#and i feel like i undid so much of our progress in one night#and i really thought i was getting so much better#idk#im really hurt and a little confused and my feelings have been swining wildly
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