#but in all honesty they’re pretty courteous at least on here

[kylermalloy]

I, J, Y, P, X ♥️

Thanks for the asks! ♥️

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Well…yes. Pretty much all of them lol. I tend to check fandoms out, suss the vibe…and then retreat into my tiny little corner with friends—or the hope that friends will join me eventually. I still love the media, of course, and with care I can still build a following I enjoy. But the fandom at large…*shudder*

Specifically, though—the Supernatural fandom, or should I call it the supernatural-adjacent fandom. The one more concerned with bts drama and shippers’ behavior (and taking shippers’ word as gospel) than the actual show, story, and characters. (As a side note, it amazes me how many otherwise respectable creators on, like, YouTube who are intelligent and articulate and well-versed in their subject areas will get on camera and straight-up lie about Supernatural. What does this show do to people??)

The Teen Wolf fandom at large on here is…very annoying. Aside from the ship wars, there’s a long-running feud between Scott stans and Derek stans, and both sides are bitter and miserable and I just want to talk about Stydia, but both sides hate Stydia. So yeah, I ducked out of that fandom too.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Our Flag Means Death? I’d never heard of it before it crept tangentially onto my dash. I’ll probably watch it at some point, but it isn’t pressing. Besides, I’ve already seen the og Gay Pirate Show 😤 (watch Black Sails everyone)

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Oh, so many! Cobra Kai first comes to mind thanks to Em, and Naila has taught me all about f1 racing this year. Steph isn’t on here as much anymore, but I know all about 911 thanks to her. Kitsu and Raphael are teaching me all about the Promised Neverland and how awful the anime adaptation is. Oh, and Critical Role! I am still quite ignorant of the second and third campaigns, but Aeru is keeping me up to date via dash osmosis.

And of course I can’t forget Penny’s chaotic liveblogs of Suck Session, BrBa, and now BCS—or should I just call it the Lalo show? (The main reason I’m not tagging all of y’all is because I don’t wanna figure out what Penny’s url is right now)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Well, my mind is laser focused on the golden boys right now, so…

What about an Outlander AU? Alphonse, a combat medic, is thrown centuries back in time into a hostile environment, caught in a war he has no stake in. He meets Edward, a snarky but kindhearted victim of the bloodshed with a missing leg. Al uses his modern knowledge to fashion him a proper prosthesis (automail? Who knows, I’m making this up as I go) and the two develop a close bond.

By the time Alphonse deduces that this boy from the past is actually his ancestor, he’s too in love to care. Further secrets are revealed when Ed discovers Al’s chest bindings and, well…lack of certain male parts. The two may or may not be made to marry by the community Ed is a part of. Will their love disrupt history? Will Alphonse cease to exist? Will they create a new branch on the family tree? Who knows! Definitely not me, I just made this up!

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Mmm. Anyone who’s followed me for a while knows this—siblings who are wholly and absolutely dedicated to each other, up to and including dying for each other and sleeping together

What no I’m normal I promise wait come back—

Send me fandom asks!

[sergeanttpoliteness]

Spiderverse Gwen x Reader where The reader is out as les/bi/pan whatever and Gwen is scared to tell her she likes her?

 AND➝  Gwen is ready to start letting people back into her life after the events of Spiderverse. MJ, aware of Gwen trying to open her social circle, tells her about a nice girl from her apartment building and brings the reader along at their next band practice to introduce her. Gwen sets eyes on her and is VEEEERY attracted to this VEEEERY pretty girl.  In Gwen’s bisexual distress, she starts rambling nervously, and probably says something embarrassing about herself. MJ saves them from an awkward situation and starts band practice, Gwen doesn’t see reader outside of school again after that, but Gwen shamelessly stares at her during class. Gwen starts to overthink the situation and gets worried she blew her chance. Later, there’s a situation that she as Spider-Gwen saves reader from. Reader is minorly hurt but SG has to go before she can help reader as authorities arrive. Feeling guilty, her spider sense leads SG to the reader’s apartment, she goes to check on her that night. Confident with her mask on, she strikes up a conversation, compliments her and even drops a bit of a flirty remark about reader before taking her leave. I didnt know where to go from there I’m new to requesting so I hope this isn’t too long but I hope that’ll be enough to get the ball rolling? -🍀

deeply sorry it took me so long to get to these again! i changed a few things, but it’s pretty much still the same idea. i hope the nonnie who requested this finds it and doesn’t think i ignored them :( ily, y’all deserve better.

——-

➹she plays bass➹(spider-gwen x fem!reader)

That feeling when there’s a cute girl who plays bass in your band and you don’t know what the hell to do about it.

Gwen needs help figuring out her feelings. Like, immediately.

word count: 11.6k (oops i did it again)

a/n: i’m sorry this new fic is the size of the bible like the last one, i’ll try to make the next one shorter lmaooo. but it’s what my fave girl deserves due to the unacceptable lack of stories about her on this site. plus, i swear that once you read it it’s so much shorter than it seems. i’m hoping i can post at least one more story before the end of the year, but if i don’t, happy holidays and new year ! y’all were the best part about my 2019 :) hope whoever is reading this has a lovely week. mwah.

warnings: violence, guns, swearing.

——-

She played bass. 

You played bass, to be more specific. And Mary Jane Watson took satisfaction in believing that she was nice. More than simply ‘just nice’ on good days, even. Being the most courteous person was a duty she considered to be hers ever since she was six-years-old and accompanied that girl who always seemed to be left behind in the playground, and years later, in high school when she punched a creep hassling one of her bandmates. Last but most certainly not least, Betty Brant, bass guitar player of the Mary Janes, slipped and fell backwards one unfortunate evening, and she shot out her left arm behind her to break the fall and save her ice cream from hitting the ground. Good news: her ice cream did not hit the ground. Bad news, however, her left hand did— in an odd, twisted position. Needless to say, Betty Brant now had a broken wrist.

At first glance, they’re all unrelated events, stars belonging to separate constellations, and they would have remained so— undisturbed, simply coexisting in the same sky. That was, until Gwen came into the picture and drew a line connecting the bright flecks when she opened her mouth.

In the moment that she admitted to MJ that the idea of meeting new people sounded more appealing each day, she scribbled down the equation in her bandmate’s brain and hit ‘solve’. The redhead’s face lit up, putting to shame a Christmas tree as that sense of responsibility called for her attention. Immediately, she felt obligated to make the Nobel Peace prize-worthy move of texting her neighbor she just met, who also played the bass, to join them on the coming Saturday for band practice. That night, as she prepared to go to sleep, Em Jay cracked an accomplished smile at the reflection in her mirror.

However, two weeks had passed since your first practice with the Mary Janes, and MJ’s pride dove off from where it sat on her shoulder as she observed from afar with furrowed brows how Gwen so fucking blatantly ignored you after you tried to give her a high five. 

“What the hell was that?!” She hissed at Glory who stood beside her, cringing as you awkwardly dropped your hand and turned away from Gwen. Sighing, MJ rubbed her face with sheer desperation— a rather drastically different action from her naïve smile many nights ago. “I put an opportunity right on her fucking lap to make a friend, and she can’t act like a nice normal human being!”

Glory bit the inside of her cheek, sporting her own grimace. “I dunno, maybe they’ll click soon—”

“It’s been two weeks, Glory!” MJ whined. She crossed her arms across her chest, eyes narrowing into concentrated slits, and her gaze returned to an oblivious Gwen who shot at your back what she thought in her mind was a discreet glance. “I can’t let this fail. I gotta step in.” Glory raised a brow.

“Or you could just, you know, let them get to know each other at their own pace?“ 

“That’s dumb.”

Glory opened her mouth but gave up immediately, seeing MJ’s persistence as a lost cause she, in all honesty, did not want to waste any energy battling against that day. “Follow my lead,” MJ elbowed her, winking before she caught Gwen’s and your attention. “Who wants pizza? I do, and so does Glory. You guys want to go out and eat?“ 

“I don’t really feel like going out.”

“Glory, what the fuck?” MJ said under her breath, but later shook her head, a smile stretching across her face. “It’s fine! We’ll just go get it and we can eat here." 

Glory frowned. "But—”

“I mean, sure. I’m definitely in the mood for pizza.” You shrugged, the corner of your mouth lifting upwards. Gwen, however, eyed Glory with suspicion, who in return flashed her an apologetic smile. MJ clapped her hands together, cheering.

“Great!” She grabbed Glory’s hand and dragged her out of the room, glancing back at the two other girls. “We’ll be back in fifteen!”

Not even five seconds passed after they closed the door before you jumped off the couch and muttered to Gwen that you were going to the bathroom, an action that Gwen chose not to spend any time analyzing for her own sanity; but even if she had decided to, the ringing of her phone would’ve interrupted her nonetheless. After she took out her phone and saw MJ’s contact name, she let out the longest sigh in her entire seventeen years of living.

“Couldn’t you have just called for the pizza?” She went straight to the point— no greeting or anything, which left MJ stumped for three seconds, and surprised she had caught onto what was going on in record time.

“No, otherwise my plan wouldn’t have worked. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“What plan and why am I welcome?”

MJ scoffed. “I’m giving you another chance to talk to Y/N, seeing as you completely blew every other one you had.” Gwen perked one eyebrow, confused.

“How come?”

“She tried to give you a high-five and you left her hanging, Gwendolyn.” She said with an obvious tone. “And that’s just one example of many.”

Gwen sat straight, her eyes growing wide. “Wait, I did?”

“Yes, you fucking idiot!” Gwen shut her eyes closed, covering her face with her hand. “How did you not notice, it’s so painfully obvious she’s trying to be your friend but you’ve gained the award of dickhead of the day.”

Gwen rolled her eyes, although let out an amused huff of air through her nose. “Did Glory agree to this little plan of yours?”

MJ took a moment of silence. “No, but her opinion doesn’t really matter right now.”

“Yeah, I bet she didn’t, because it’s fucking stupid, Mary Jane.”

“Em Jay.” 

“You called me Gwendolyn.”

“Whatever,” MJ grumbled, “you asked for this, Gwen. Be thankful, ‘cause I’m really tryin’ here.”

Gwen heard you flush the toilet, and not too long after, the sound of the faucet running. “Hell, okay, fine.” She whispered into the phone. “She’s coming, I have to go.” Before MJ could utter a word, she ended the call right as you walked out of the bathroom and flashed her a tight-lipped smile. You sat back down on the couch, an obvious distance between you two. More time passed while you hunched over your cellphone and Gwen eyed you sideways, gripping her hands together in between her knees, her heart speeding up each time she dared to speak up, and her face heating up albeit she hadn’t directed a word at you yet.

She cleared her throat. “So!” 

You made eye contact with her and she felt obligated to flash you a nervous smile after the silence continued. Eventually, the corner of your mouth lifted upwards. “So what?” You questioned, curious. Gwen’s smile gradually fell. She should’ve contemplated what she was going to say first before she spoke. 

“…What’s your favorite pizza topping?” Gwen hit herself mentally. There literally was no excuse for why she was acting like this— hell, she herself couldn’t even find one. But, on the bright side (however, perhaps not so much for Gwen), whilst the girl was sure this was an agonizing and slow death from embarrassment, your amused grin widened with her visible anxiety.

“I don’t know. There’s a lot of options.” You shrugged, your attention moving back to your device. Gwen considered leaving you alone, seeing as this conversation very obviously wasn’t going anywhere, but that option disintegrated as soon as she imagined Em Jay intentionally delaying her arrival with Glory and the pizza so she could take full advantage of her ‘chance’, which she was ninety-nine percent sure was the case. 

“I really like pepperoni.” She blurted out. Your eyes momentarily traveled up to Gwen and you pursed your lips, nodding slowly.

“Cool.”

My God, you really were not collaborating even an ounce— it was a reach, but it was as if you were voluntarily trying to make this as difficult and socially traumatizing for Gwen as possible. Gwen scratched her head, searching for more conversation ideas, but her brain remained as empty as a desert in the middle of nowhere, except for the one tumbleweed happily rolling along its way which was her last idea, and the main purpose of this sad conversation.

“I’m really sorry for that high-five you tried to give me earlier,” Gwen muttered, incapable of looking at you straight in the eye for long. “Em Jay just told me about it.” 

Finally, you tore your concentration away from your phone and focused on Gwen. You didn’t know whether it was the seriousness of her voice combined with the absurdity of the sentence, but you found yourself struggling to hold back your giggles. Gwen’s eyebrows twisted with puzzlement as she saw your blushing cheeks and you biting your lip hard, your shoulders shaking ever so slightly.

“That’s… adorable. It’s alright. It happens to all of us, I guess.” You laughed out. In Gwen’s never-ending humiliation, she couldn’t discern your expression from simple amusement or judgment. 

Gwen stuttered, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Okay, cool. I-I just didn’t want you to think that I hated you or something like that.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I did not.” 

“Good. Because I don’t. Obviously.” She continued, forcing out a chuckle. “I really don’t.”

You smiled hesitantly. “Again… don’t worry, I get it—”

“I just, I wasn’t paying attention to you.” Gwen clarified but closed her mouth immediately, regret drying her throat. You pressed your lips into a straight line. “But I don’t mean that in a rude way, hah. I’m always looking at you.” She dug herself deeper and her eyes grew wide, a tense cough fleeing past her lips after you raised your brows.

“I mean, no, I’m not always looking at you, like, staring, but like, looking forward to whatever you have to say…?” She talked slowly, questioning her own words. “Why would I look at you, anyway?” Ah, fuck, that’s not what she meant.

Your expression transformed into an offended look and she rushed to correct herself. “No! I mean— you’re, like, very, very pretty, don’t get me wrong.” She let out a frustrated sigh, “Again, I don’t mean that in a weird way, I just—”

“Okay! I get it.” You stopped her and stood up, pointing at your phone. “I have to go, it’s pretty late, so I won’t be able to eat with you guys, but, uh… thanks anyway. Maybe next time.” You explained, uncomfortable. You both dubiously gestured goodbye to each other before you nearly ran out of the door. 

From then on, Gwen kind of wanted to hide in her room for the rest of her life, or at least from you; but sadly, she couldn’t do either. She could’ve moved on and just let it be a memory she could laugh about in the future, but she couldn’t hide what had happened to MJ— she retold her and Glory the encounter, and the trauma returned as Glory burst out laughing right in her face and Em Jay simply stared at her like a disappointed mother. Again, she really was determined to forget the whole ordeal, but later in the evening, when all she wanted to do was plop down on her bed and call it a night after another day of patrol, she answered her landline only for her ears to be attacked with MJ’s pleas for her to go fix things since ‘she was so embarrassed for her she literally couldn’t go to sleep’. Gwen hung up on her.

As she originally had intended before MJ disrupted her night, Gwen jumped onto her bed and rolled onto her back, promising in her head that she’d take off her suit in a minute. She stared up at the ceiling for longer than a minute, thinking about MJ’s words. What was the point in going to apologize to you again, anyway? Gwen wasn’t going to do it simply to please her. MJ could gladly go and shove her microphone up her—

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Gwen said to herself as she stood outside your school building. She looked down at her watch. She could’ve been doing so much right then. Someone was probably getting murdered, or a robbery was going on, and she had homework to finish, but she was wasting her time waiting in front of a school like the creep of the block. However, she thought she might as well stick to it in the instant that students began to swarm out of the entrance doors.

She considered leaving. It was her first thought when she ultimately saw you walking amongst the crowd, talking to your friends. You hadn’t noticed her. It wouldn’t make a difference if she spun and ran out of there, like a scared child fleeing from the monster living in her closet. You turned your gaze away from your friend whilst laughing, and similar to the demon (no offense) peeking through the slit in between the closet doors, you found yourself staring into a familiar pair of blue eyes.

There was no going back.

Gwen breathed in profoundly and flashed you a sheepish smile, waving weakly with her shoulders raised. She watched you say goodbye to your friends before you hesitantly approached her, your eyebrow lifted in a questioning manner. “Gwen?” 

“Yup. That’s me, hah…” She moved her hair away from her face after the wind disheveled it, brushing it behind her ear as she avoided your eyes. “I know you’re wondering—”

“What you’re doing here? Yes, yes I am.” You said, the humor distinctive in your voice, but Gwen scrunched up her nose, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry, I’m not… stalking you,” She laughed nervously and stopped herself before history repeated itself. “I would’ve texted you, but my phone…” Now has a bullet hole. “Broke. Em Jay told me I could meet you here.”

You folded your arms across your chest, shifting your weight to one leg. “Well, I’m here, you’re here, so what’s up? Did you want to continue talking about how you don’t pay attention to me?” You joked, tilting your head. 

Gwen winced slightly, cringing. “Actually, no.”

“Okay, good.”

“I came here to apologize. A real apology this time.”

You let your arms drop by your sides, interested and waiting for what she had to say. “I was really awkward. Painfully awkward, and I made you uncomfortable. So, I was hoping that we could maybe… start over again?” She held out her hand.

You briefly glanced down at it before glancing back up at her biting her lip anxiously. You giggled, nodding. “You’re so dramatic, dude.”

You shook her hand.

“So… we’re good?”

You smiled. “We’re good.” Gwen grinned back, her tooth gap having a peculiar effect in your stomach. She peeked at her watch a second time with the intent of leaving; but before she could say goodbye, you adjusted your backpack straps and spoke up. “Actually… now that you’re here, how about we go get something to eat?” 

Gwen blinked, her finger coming up to point at her chest. “M-me? And you?” You agreed with your head, laughing.

“Obviously, you dummy. I don’t see anyone else here.” You playfully punched her arm and she looked down at the spot, her eyes narrowed.

Ah, well. There was no going back.

If there was one thing, one enemy that constantly played with Gwen’s sanity, time was a top-three candidate which popped into her head immediately. Popped wasn’t perhaps even the correct word, for it remained there everlastingly as a nagging fear— a deafening, continuous tick-tock reminding her of how little, or what a painstaking amount of time she had in her hands, and all the things she could or could not do during it. Being Spider-Woman, pages and pages of school work, the Mary Janes, Mary Jane and Gwen’s duty to answer her messages the moment she received them, her aspirations, her dad— it messed with her brain, tangled all the connections into an indestructible knot she could purely helplessly stare at. But when she read the time and realized how late it had become, the panic merely bubbled and spread in her chest. Rather you laughed and she felt the necessity to look away from the numbers to focus on you, despite the tick-tock still present and blaring like a tsunami alert in her ears.

You sat facing her in the restaurant booth, smirking as you bit into a french fry. “You know, I gotta say, you impressed me quite a lot with your drumming.” Gwen bashfully moved a piece of lettuce around her plate, propping her chin upon the palm of her hand.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” She shrugged, smiling at you. You maintained your gaze on her for a moment until you shook yourself out of your odd trance, lowering your head.

“Thanks for hanging out with me. I was tired of hanging out with myself, you know?”

Gwen furrowed her brows, adamant on fixing her look on the most boring stray lettuce ever. “Why? You’re a fun person.”

“Really? ‘Cause it doesn’t seem like that’s what you think about me.” You teased her, masking the undeniable bit of hurt. 

Gwen’s finger’s movements came to a halt and she placed her hands on the table, leaning towards you. “What?! What do you mean?”

“Alright, then what do you really think about me?” You put your elbows on the hard surface and mimicked Gwen, a crooked smile adorning your features. Gwen bit her lip in thought, raising one shoulder.

“You’re cool.” She said simply, trying to appear nonchalant. An ‘oof’ slipped past your lips and you clutched onto your chest, dramatizing the insulted expression.

“That’s it? Just cool? I’m a bit hurt.” 

Gwen rolled her eyes, laughing. “What else do you want me to say?” 

“I dunno, last time you said I was— and I quote— ‘very, very pretty’” You recalled, using air quotes. Gwen scratched her eyebrow, left blank on what to reply because— oh, yeah right— she did, in fact, say that. 

The smugness lingered on your face as you waited for her to break down and repeat herself, but she composed herself and cleared her throat. “Hey, it’s not fair if you’re the only one asking questions! Being interviewed is hard work, you know.” She raised her hands defensively, her eyebrows lifted. You immediately caught onto what she was doing and pointed an accusing finger at her.

“You’re avoiding my question.”

“Well, where’s the fun in knowing all the answers to the universe?”

You had to agree. But you leaned back and crossed one leg over the other, accidentally (or was it?) nudging her leg with your foot. “I don’t know. I like honesty.” 

Oh dear, Gwen narrowed her eyes, her chest throbbing. “Hey—” The both of you jumped and looked at the source of the greeting— neither of you knew when exactly, but the waiter stood there with a polite smile, holding three menus close to his stomach. “Just letting y’all know that since Valentine’s Day is coming up, the milkshakes are on discount for couples.” Gwen leaned far away from the table, from you, and let out an uncomfortable chuckle.

“Oh, no, we’re not—”

“Oh, great!” You exclaimed and grabbed Gwen’s hand. “Do you want to share one, babe?” 

Gwen froze, her shoulders and the hand you clutched onto tense, prickling at your touch. You looked at her attentively, and your lovey-dovey eyes left her stunned, grabbed onto her voice and trapped it in her throat— intimidated her. She had to give it to you, though, your acting could fool anyone or leave anyone wondering…especially her.

Seeing as the seconds continued to pass and she never replied, you chose to take it as a sign that she was following you and you glanced up at the waiter. “We’d like a vanilla milkshake, please.” You smiled. 

Following the waiter’s departure, Gwen looked at you surprised. “I thought you liked honesty?” She laughed in disbelief, pretending to judge you intensely. You innocently picked up another fry, hiding your growing beam.

“Hey, I’m not gonna turn down a discount.”

Gwen giggled, shaking her head. “Fair enough. But you’re crazy.”

“But you still love me, right babe?” You smirked and lifted your connected hands. When Gwen realized she hadn’t let go yet, she first thought about pulling away. But she didn’t. Instead, she timidly squeezed your hand, forcing out a scoff.

“Right. Of course, babe.” 

Finally, you unclasped your hands and Gwen’s hand slowly curled into a fist as she considered something. “Hey, where are you headed after this?” She rushed out. You tilted your head.

“Home. Why?”

She swallowed her nerves, thinking about dismissing her own question and shrugging it off. She had to get back home as well, after all.

But she didn’t want to yet.

“Can I walk you back?”

The walk back to your place dragged on for longer than usual, and you both pretended to act shocked, as if it’d been a glitch in the matrix and time ticked away slower than normal; but in the back of your heads, the two of you knew it’d been no accident, that you weren’t too engulfed into your conversation enough that you ended up taking the long way back home without noticing. Perhaps the two of you wandered longer, slowed down your pace much more than necessary— clung onto the moon and kept it in its place in the sky with your excuses so the night would stay, last as much as you wanted it to. Your efforts were partly successful, but of course, it had to come to an end eventually. 

Your meetings didn’t, though. No, they were just getting started.

On Valentine’s Day, you might have taken advantage of another discount for couples, but no one really needed to know that. After that day and after Gwen finally got a new phone (it took her a few days to tell her dad, since she knew he wouldn’t be the happiest once he heard how her phone got destroyed in the first place), you sent her a message which she couldn’t deny made her insides feel a type of way: ‘If you ever need a fake date, don’t hesitate in calling me’. 

And a winky face. She couldn’t forget the winky face.

But, in all truth, neither of you needed a ‘fake date’ as a reason to see each other. Every once in awhile, Thursday and Saturday after band practice, the two of you would abandon the girls and simply hang out. It didn’t matter where— sometimes you didn’t even have a place in mind, but somehow, gladly for your brain fearing rejection, Gwen would agree nonetheless. She didn’t think much about it until one afternoon, once you were done telling a bad joke that embarrassingly enough made her laugh, she realized she hadn’t checked the time. Not once.

During band practice, MJ and Glory noted that something had changed. Mainly because they soon realized they hadn’t witnessed any new embarrassing events between you two for them to laugh at behind your backs in a while, but your peeks at each other weren’t fearful anymore. They were now… something which they couldn’t place their finger on, but it was different enough for them to share a look and raise their eyebrows. Naturally, it didn’t take long before Em Jay had to jam herself into your affairs and asked you what you thought about Gwen, using as a justification that you had gotten a month and a half to get to know the band. 

If Gwen could’ve gotten the opportunity to travel back in time to step in and prevent Em Jay from getting close to you with her blabbering mouth, she would’ve taken it immediately.

“When were you going to tell me you two fucking knew each other?!” MJ’s shriek hurt Gwen’s ears and left her speechless for a few moments after she walked into the room. Then, she succeeded in processing her question through her brain, and her face was now considerably paler than before.

“Hello to you too?” 

MJ glared at her and walked away from her. While she moved around the many cables on the floor with her foot, Gwen dropped her backpack near the door, eyeing her. “How do you know?”

“I talked to Y/N.” She simply responded. Gwen huffed, unbelieving, and crossed her arms. 

“And why did you talk to her?”

MJ gave her an obvious look. “Because, uh, she’s my bandmate? And my friend?” Gwen rolled her eyes and crouched down to take her drumsticks from her bag; meanwhile, Em Jay wasn’t over the topic yet. “I can’t believe you kept that from me. Unbelievable. I’m the only one who knows about your little spider secret!” She threw her hands in the air, as if her attitude wasn’t already dramatic enough. Gwen looked up at her with squinted eyes.

“Because you found out on accident. Did you also tell her about that?” She scoffed, standing up. Em Jay followed her to the drums, pursing her lips.

“No. She wouldn’t believe me anyway. But in my defense, Glory and Betty never do either, so you’ve literally got nothing to worry about.” 

Gwen sat down on the drum stool. “We met last year, but we never became friends, though. We’re just acquaintances, I’m sorry. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Em Jay shrugged, her expression unchanging. “Yeah, I guess. Now I’m embarrassed for you again, though. You have to apologize to her.” 

Gwen’s mouth hung slightly open. “I already apologized twice! Why would I do it again?!”

“You acted as if you didn’t know her when you first met! Like, who does that?” However, before Gwen could explain herself, you and Glory walked through the door, carrying your instruments plus a milkshake in your hand.

“Sup.” Glory nodded her head at the two girls. MJ shot finger guns at her and you walked up to Gwen before you stretched out your arm, holding the milkshake up to her face. 

Gwen quirked a brow. “What’s this?”

“I got you a milkshake, babe.” You joked, smirking. Gwen’s cheeks and ears reddened and she hesitantly accepted it, her mouth twitching. “Since we haven’t had the chance to hang out in a while.”

MJ and Glory shared another of their looks, the one with which they telepathically communicated with. After you left Gwen, MJ kneeled down beside her, grinning knowingly. 

“She told me she thinks you’re great, dude. Do whatever you want with that information.”

Gwen chose not to do anything with it. At least not for now. 

Summer break came along to free Gwen from the suffocating hold school had around her neck, and more importantly, to give her time to focus on patrolling, the Mary Janes, and, well, you. Texting you in the morning, texting you at noon, texting you in the afternoon after she managed to stop a robbery at Junction Boulevard, texting you at night; and she couldn’t forget, of course, spending time with you whenever you could. How could she forget? It seemed almost impossible now, for you had implemented yourself into her routine, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint in what moment. She didn’t even come upon the realization until you left the state for a week, and she found herself waiting for your texts.

However, once you returned and the band reunited, Em Jay wasted no time and suggested having a ‘girl’s night’ at her place, claiming it wasn’t because she ‘missed you all, or anything, but for band-bonding’. She sent you and Gwen to the store to buy snacks (and, unsurprisingly for Gwen, winked at Glory as you two walked out of the door), and right now you both stood in front of the freezers, Gwen observing you as you put all your concentration, your tongue poking out of your mouth, on combining two sodas into an empty water bottle. Gwen gagged dramatically, laughter escaping her throat nonetheless. “That’s fucking gross, man.” She grimaced while you giggled maniacally.

The new beverage fizzled and you analyzed it closely, your eyes following the bubbles dancing in the liquid. “I can’t believe they sell bacon and ranch dressing soda here. This place is nuts.”

“And you’re mixing them together.”

“You could say I’m a scientist.”

Gwen scoffed at your statement, a grin lingering on her face. You sniffed the soda, and held it up to her face. “Do you want to try it?”

Gwen pushed the bottle away with her finger, wrinkling her nose. “You could have me at gunpoint and I still wouldn’t try it.”

You pouted, screwing the cap closed. “Okay, your loss, I guess. I’ll have it here just in case you change your mind.” You waved the bottle and placed it on a shelf before you kneeled down to inspect the bags of marshmallows. Gwen shook her head, her smile reaching her eyes.

“Trust me, I won’t.”

You picked up a bag, eyeing her sideways. “You know what?” You stole back her attention and she hummed, tilting her head. “You’re my favorite member in the band.”

Gwen’s face softened, although she wondered if she was crazy, or if her hands were all of a sudden clammy. “Me? Your… your favorite?” She asked, her voice small. You looked down, hoping she couldn’t see your timid expression.

“Yeah. I mean, no offense to Em Jay or Glory— they’re both awesome, but… I really like you, Gwen Stacy.” You shared eye contact, the corner of your mouth quirking up.

Gwen searched for something to distract herself with, and wound up snatching a random bag of gummies and pretending to read the ingredients. “Are you just trying to get me to pay for all of this?” She joked, gesturing to the casket of food. You let out a dramatic sigh, grumpily looking away from her.

“Aw, man, you caught me.” You made a sad face, but it was fleeting. “…But, no. I mean it. For real.”

Gwen bit her lip, her face the shade of the cherry candy in her hands. “Yeah, well… you’re pretty cool as well, Y/N L/N.” She copied you, shrugging. You groaned in annoyance, staring heavenward.

“Don’t give me that ‘you’re cool’ bullshit again.” You warned, mocking her voice and she giggled, placing the candy back in its place.

“What? It’s the truth!”

“Is that really all you think of me?” You feigned disappointment, playing with her. 

No. Most definitely not. Gwen had grown to form many opinions about you other than solely ‘just cool’. Her thoughts varied. Sometimes she liked the way you made her laugh so effortlessly. Other times she couldn’t wrap her head around how, with you, the concept of time was both nonexistent and eternal, a concept you took its meaning away from, for it became irrelevant. She loved how you played bass, and how you gave it a voice, personified it into a dancing body that mesmerized her. She liked the way the corners of your eyes crinkled when you smiled, and how you tilted your head sometimes when you were confused like a puppy. She liked your way of talking, your hair, how you dressed, your posture, your face and the flaws in your skin. 

Maybe she really liked you. And that scared her.

When she didn’t answer, you gave up and stood up, stretching your legs. “Okay, at least I’m glad you think I’m cool. It’s what I’d expect from my fake girlfriend.” You winked at her playfully, but she wasn’t fully paying attention now. “Okay, last question, though—”

Gwen sighed, her shoulders dropping. “What now?” You moved your arms behind your back, drawing a circle with the tip of your shoe on the floor.

“You never answered if you really think that I’m pretty.”

Gwen almost choked. She thought she had escaped that question months ago. Without thinking, her gaze landed on the soda hybrid sitting on the shelf and she grabbed it. You didn’t know what was happening in front of you until Gwen was sputtering after taking a big gulp of the drink. “What the fuck?! Why did you do that!” You gasped, your eyes wide and the laughter daring to climb up your throat.

Gwen stuck her tongue out and coughed, her face scrunching up with regret. “If I drink the soda then I don’t have to answer the question.” You couldn’t believe she was willing to do anything instead of giving you an answer.

You doubled over, cackling and holding your stomach. “Since when is that a rule?!”

“Since now.”

For the record, Gwen did think you were pretty. Very, very pretty.

As time went by, Gwen couldn’t help but stare during practice. Stare at your fingers, sliding down and up the neck with ease; your head, nodding along to the music, lost in it enough that you didn’t notice the obvious ogling from her part. And your face. She tried focusing on it most of the time, but it resulted a lot more difficult than she originally expected. You either moved it too much whilst you played, or you faced away from her since—well— she did play the drums. 

There was also the third reason. The unsettling burn in her chest that sped up her breathing if her mind went too far, which occurred if she thought about you too much. Too deeply. But, God, did she try, and God, did she take advantage of every time you looked back at her, because you inexplicably dissolved that uneasiness in her.

Late at night, with your blankets wrapped around you tightly, you stared at your phone screen, mindlessly scrolling and double-tapping every picture you came upon. Not a minute passed before you opened a conversation, however, perhaps for the fourth time— not that it was anyone’s business, anyway— awaiting for another text. Gwen’s text, to be more specific. You didn’t want to come off as obsessive, but it had been an hour and thirteen minutes yet she hadn’t responded, and you… were missing her? You shook your head. Well. There was a possibility that you were. Maybe, you couldn’t get her off your mind, and maybe, you wished you could simply think about her and she’d integrate right there in your bedroom—

A knock on the window disrupted your train of thought, and as if on cue, a notification rang from your phone. ‘It’s me’, you read. Gwen had sent the message. “What the fuck?” You muttered, confused. Needing to see it for yourself, you jumped out of your bed and ran to your window before you unlatched the window lock and slid it open. 

Of course, as the text message said, it was indeed Gwen, in your fire escape, and not a prank she elaborated to scare the life out of you. “Hi.” Was all she said. You tilted your head, your brows knitted together.

“Hi? Is that all you’re going to say?”

She thought for a second. “…How are you?” 

“What are you doing in my fire escape?”

“I got locked out of my house.” She shrugged. 

You let out a huff of air in disbelief, moving out of the way so she could climb inside. As she threw one leg over the sill, you placed your hands on your hips, shaking your head. “You get locked out of your house, and the first place that comes to your mind is my place?” You questioned, amused. Yet again, Gwen raised and dropped her shoulders. You went to close the window, but not before glancing out, imagining all the struggle she must’ve gone through to lower the ladder and then climb up five stories. “And how the hell did you even get all the way up here?” You muttered to yourself, but Gwen heard it.

“It’s a fire escape, my dear. They’re there to, you know, get out of the building so you don’t die if there’s a fire?”

You rolled your eyes and sat down on your bed. “Okay, just be quiet, ‘cause I don’t think my family would be very happy about having an unexpected visitor this late.” Guilt sculpted Gwen’s countenance.

“I mean… I can leave if you want—”

“No.” You said quickly, too fast for your liking, actually. You cleared your throat and smiled, patting the area beside you. “No, it’s alright. You can stay however long you want. They don’t have to find out.” You waggled your eyebrows jokingly. She was grateful the sole lamp rested on your bedside table, far away from you and its amber touch embracing you alone, for she didn’t need you seeing the blood rapidly rushing to her warm face. 

Gwen sat down where you motioned her to, although kept some distance, and squeezed her hands resting on her lap together. “Thanks… it’ll just be a while. My dad had an emergency, and I really don’t know when he’ll be back, so…” She explained and popped her mouth after her sentence died out. You nodded understandingly, shuffling somewhat closer to her.

“I’m glad you came here. I wouldn’t want you staying out there and freezing to death. Plus, I was pretty bored.”

Gwen raised a brow. “Bored? Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?” 

You scoffed with a faint smile. “Shut up, hypocrite. You were out so late that you got left out of your house.”

“I was busy!”

“Doing what? Selling drugs?”

“Maybe. You’ll never know.”

You began to fan yourself. “Ooh, a drug lord, so hot.”

Gwen scrunched up her nose, giving you a judgemental look. “Is that what turns you on? Drug lords?”

“Nah, that’s not quite it…” You glanced at her out of the corner of your eye before your gaze shifted to your lap, your fingers playing with the hem of your shirt.

Gwen didn’t know whether she was reaching— but oh. She didn’t know what courage the universe granted her, either, for she then focused on her nails and pretended to be uninterested. “Huh, then what does turn you on?” Your eyebrows almost reached your hairline in surprise, but you quickly composed yourself. 

“Why do you want to know?” You asked, leaning closer to her. She shrugged one shoulder.

“I mean, you never know. What if a friend of mine wanted to ask you out?”

You bit your lip. “Depends. Is she cute?”

“I never specified their gender. And it’s theoretical.” She cleared up, raising one finger. You laughed, moving even closer to her.

“Well, then, I really like blue eyes.”

“…Really?” Her shy voice made your organs jump, which you didn’t know if it was normal or a serious medical condition you should get checked out. You hummed, holding yourself up with your arms behind you. “They’re cool, I guess.” Again, she tried to sound as if she didn’t care, or as if your comment didn’t make her as happy as it secretly did.

“Short hair is also pretty cute.” You added. “Especially if it’s a cool hairstyle.”

“A cool… a cool hairstyle, huh? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” Gwen now knew how frustrated you felt when she avoided your questions. “What about you?” You looked at her, insecurity threatening to overpower your current confidence.

“Oh. I don’t know. Musicians are hot.” She showed you a crooked smile. You wanted to squeal, embarrassingly enough.

“Do you like bass guitar players?” A bold move, indeed. Gwen faked entering deep into thought.

“…Eh, I think drummers are hotter.” 

You shoved her playfully, laughing. “Rude!” 

“Hey, you asked what I liked.” You both giggled, struggling to keep your noises down, but eventually, your laughter dissipated and she played with her fingers. “But bass players are pretty cute, too.”

You gulped, Gwen’s shoulder touching yours spiking your nerves. “Yeah, well, I agree that drummers are cute, too.” 

You both glanced down at each other’s lips, holding your breaths. However, before you could do anything, Gwen got to her feet. “You should try getting some sleep. I don’t want you being sleep deprived because of me.” She laughed nervously, taking off her sneakers. 

Disappointment invaded your brain, but admittedly, your eyes did feel a lot heavier than before. “What are you gonna do?” You questioned, remembering her situation. You definitely were more worried than her, who was unfazed.

“I’ll just wait I guess.”

“You should catch some Z’s as well.”

Gwen didn’t argue. She climbed into bed with you, although insisted she didn’t need any covers or blankets since she was just going to take a nap. After that, you couldn’t resist the sleep threatening to spread through your system and you passed out. It felt like minutes passed at most, until you were suddenly gently shaken awake. 

You fought to open your eyes before you squinted and looked up at whoever had woken you up. Slowly, the indistinguishable figure transformed into Gwen’s apologetic smile dimly lit by your bedside lamp. 

“Hey, sleepyhead.” 

You groaned, rubbing your bleary eyes and sitting up. “What time is it?” You croaked out. Gwen squinted to discern the numbers in her watch.

“Two in the morning.” 

“Two in the morning?!” She nodded, laughing quietly. “Do you have to go?” You would’ve been embarrassed by the heartbreak in your voice, but you were too out of it to dwell on it.

“Yeah, but it’s okay, you can go back to sleep. I just wanted to let you know.” 

You didn’t quite process what was going on until you saw her backing away to the window. Suddenly fully awake, your eyes widened and you threw your covers off of you. “What are you doing?” 

Gwen opened the window and glanced back at you, lifting a brow. “Leaving?” 

You yawned, shaking your finger at her. “No, no, no—” You rubbed your eye and laughed at her. “How about I lead you out of the door like a normal person?” 

Gwen blushed, slowly closing the window. “Ah, well, I guess that’s an option.”

“I don’t want to wake anyone up, though, so just stay quiet, alright?” Gwen simply nodded and you wrapped your hand around her wrist, guiding her towards your bedroom door. You opened it as silently as you could, holding your breath, almost afraid that if you breathed, the entire house would be blown away. There’s only darkness, but you walked into it unbothered, while Gwen followed you like a loyal animal. Now that her sight was gone, she fully took in your touch as your soft hold tugged on her arm. You suddenly stopped and she mimicked you, patiently waiting for the sound of the unlocking of the door. However, all she picked up was the shuffling of your feet before you held in your breath. Then, she felt your other hand grab hers.

“Gwen?” You asked quietly, your voice so timid the darkness and the silence could’ve easily engulfed it. Without the view of your face, your skin against hers seemed too much, nearly unbearable. 

“���Y-Yeah?”

“Can you see me?”

She shook her head, until she recalled that if she couldn’t see you, neither could you see her and the gesture was nothing more than useless. “Not really.”

“Okay. Cool.”

“Are you going to kill me?”

You giggled, and it didn’t knock over the walls, but it most definitely almost did her body.  “No. Do you want me to?”

“Eh… no, thanks.”

“Ok, dork.” You chuckled, but it instantly came to an end. Your breathing wasn’t steady anymore— it trembled, sounded heavy. Then, out of nowhere: “If I kiss you, are you going to run away?”

Gwen just blinked. Despite the darkness, white dots exploded in her vision. “W-what?” Her voice almost failed her.

“Can I kiss you?”

In the room, there was nothing more. It was just your nervous breaths, your loud fridge, and Gwen’s heart. Her heart at full volume, pumping fast, doing its best to keep her awake, sane, on her feet. It was just you and her. Solely you, your gentle hands, and her. She blinked again.

“Okay.”

Your touch disappeared but then reappeared on her cheek, and absentmindedly, she placed her hand over yours. Your thumb, shaking, searched for her mouth, until it successfully brushed against her lips. Gwen gulped, her skin tingling as your breath fanned over it.

It was just you, her, and your lips. Your lips and her own.

You both remained with your eyes closed after your lips lost contact, although it didn’t make a difference in any way. But Gwen’s eyelids fluttered open, and a beam began to blossom.

“I’m glad you didn’t kill me.”

You kissed her a second time before she left. 

It would be a criminal understatement to say that Gwen freaked out after she arrived back home. When she made the decision to start letting new friends into her life for good at the beginning of the year as another New Year’s resolution, she took a gigantic step. She then spoke to MJ, which was a leap in itself, and you joined the band. She stumbled, balanced herself on one foot at the edge for a while, but eventually, she managed to jump to the third step once she waited outside your school and apologized to you. She was convinced that would be it; the final and toughest stride, because if she managed to get past through all the previous ones, then it had to mean she was ready, right? 

She was just finding out she was wrong, though.

The plan was to make a friend. A friend and nothing more nor nothing less. However, without being fully conscious of it, she continued to sprint up the stairs, past what her original intention was. And now, as she stared so far up at the next colossal step— at the feelings that kept growing for you, at your kiss, at you— she felt herself tipping backwards. There was no way she could climb that. She’d only slip and plummet down to her death.

Somehow, though, when you two agreed on meeting up at an arcade two days later, she decided she might as well go for it. 

Gwen eyed the time for what she felt was the millionth time that day and her mask muffled the groan that followed. She had at least thirty minutes left of patrol and— she knew it was a dramatic statement— she didn’t know if she would be able to make it through them. I could call it a day earlier, she thought. It had been the most uneventful day lacking any major criminal activity, after all: all she did was help a little kid get back to his father and stop the usual theft, but other than that, she spent the day swinging around and even had the time to take a picture with a fan. 

Her phone began to vibrate. You were calling her. “Hey… you…kid…” She cringed. How was she supposed to greet you from now on? Things weren’t the same. 

She heard you snort at her hello. “Hi. Just wanted to tell you that I’m on my way.”

Gwen’s brows snapped together and she checked the time one more time. “Already? You’re early.”

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to get started earlier so I don’t have to walk back home too late, but also so I can beat your ass and get more tickets than you.”

“Are you challenging me?”

“Not really, because I already know I’m gonna win.”

“Don’t sound so confident,” Gwen smiled and lied down on her back, staring up at the sky. “But if you do win, you better get me a prize.”

“Why would I get the loser a prize? I’m gonna get myself something cool and big and rub it in your face.” 

Gwen scoffed but giggled nonetheless. All of a sudden, you went dead silent and she sat up, perking her ears for any further noise. “Y/N? Are you still there?”

It took you a few seconds to answer. “I just heard something weird.”

Gwen’s face drained of color and she jumped up, the tingling present in the back of her head. “Are you alone?”

“Yeah.”

“Get out of there. Now. Find somewhere that’s crowded.”

“Don’t be so paranoid. I bet it’s nothing. Could you imagine if I, like, got murdered, though?” You laughed nervously, trying to ease both of your nerves but Gwen’s sting in her head was only strengthening. “How tragic. Anyway—” 

Your voice halted. A distant strangled cry left the speaker. “Y/N?!” Gwen called for your attention, frantic, her heart nearly breaking out of her chest. Something was not right.

“Hold on.”

It was all you said before you ended the call. She wasted no time nor hesitated— she ran to the end of the rooftop and jumped off, shooting a web. She swung as fast as she could, to the point where her aim nearly missed a building. Her thoughts were rushed, hectic, created the worst scenarios so vivid the bile began to make her way up her throat and she had to blink the dampness of her eyes away.

Hiding behind a dumpster nearing the end of an alleyway, you held your phone up to your ear, your legs aching from the speed with which you ran away. You could barely breathe. It was just a messy attempt of ragged breaths that despite how hard you tried to make them quiet, you simply couldn’t. “Please hurry up.”

“We’re trying to get there as fast as we can, miss. Are you hurt?”

“N-No, I’m fi—” A loud bang shook the dumpster next to you and you involuntarily yelped in fear. Your hand flew up to cover your mouth, but it was too late. 

The woman and the man who chased you quickly found you, and the guy gripped your arm, yanking you out of your hiding spot. “What the fuck did you see?!” He spat in your face, holding you trapped against his body with his arm choking your neck. “Tell us or you’re fucking dead, hear me?!”

You sputtered and your fingernails scratched his arm, trying to get him off of you. When you realized you weren’t getting anywhere, your eyes flickered down to your hand. You blindly moved it up to his face, and once you grazed his eyelashes, you dug your fingers into his eye with all your strength. 

He cried out and let go of you. Without thinking, you spun around and went in to punch whatever area of his face you hoped your hit landed on. But he recovered quickly and caught your fist in mid-air. All you could do was stare at him in horror. You didn’t quite process what was coming at you until he struck your eye. 

“Bad move, kid.” The woman said and you glanced up at her with watery eyes, shielding the throbbing left side of your face. She took out her gun, pointed it at you, and your heart dropped. 

You had lost all hope, until a ‘thwip!’ echoed in between the walls.

Out of nowhere, a web stuck to the barrel of the gun and, in the blink of an eye, snatched it from the woman’s grasp. Spider-Gwen came into your blurry vision before she spun the gun and smacked it onto the stranger’s head. 

She stumbled backwards, grasping her head. Meanwhile, Gwen shot two webs at the wall behind the older girl. Holding onto the strings tightly, she pushed herself off the ground and knocked her down with a kick at her jaw. As she webbed her to the wall, her eyes suddenly widened. She swiftly ducked under, dodging a punch coming from the man behind her. Crouching down, she swiped her leg under him and sent him down. 

After he fell on the ground, Gwen towered over him, her fists shaking with fury. As soon as he opened his eyes, she drew her arm back and smashed her knuckles into his nose, a painful crack resonating clear and loud. 

She panted loudly, her chest rising and falling quickly as she trapped the now unconscious man’s hand to the gravel. She continued to observe him, her lip twitching, the sirens approaching in the background, until she heard a dry sob behind her. She looked back, only to see you backed up into the corner, hugging yourself.

Gwen ran up to you and kneeled down in front of you, holding your hand. “H-Hey, hey, you’re okay now.” She shushed you, her hand almost coming up to your cheek until she stopped herself. She wanted to stay with you and ask more questions, but two police cars parked themselves at the start of the alleyway. Her heart screamed at her not to. It cursed at her, begged for her feet not to move. However, she looked down at you one last moment and she shot a web up at the sky, zipping out of there.

She watched over you for an hour and a half as you talked to the police, and then when the paramedics attended you. She couldn’t stay long, though, since you furrowed your brows and then glanced up, your sight focusing on her. She instantly hid away, deciding that it’d be best if she just waited at your apartment.

Gwen tried telling herself that you were now fine. She saw you there, not missing a limb or anything, breathing and alive. But despite that, she couldn’t rest in peace. The image of you in the corner— your entire body shaking, your rough appearance, the tears that abandoned your eyes. Broken. It wouldn’t fuck off despite how many times she told it to. 

She couldn’t help but recall Peter Parker’s face as she shakily held his corpse in her arms. And then she remembered why she had given up on letting anyone get close to her in the first place.

She had lost track of how long she’d been staring at your window. The window which she climbed through just three nights ago when she got locked out of her place. The night your warm smile greeted her. The night you first kissed her. The night that, perhaps if it hadn’t occurred— if she hadn’t forgotten to take her key with her, or she had left her window open, if she had gone to Em Jay’s, Glory’s, or even Betty’s place instead of yours— if she hadn’t been in the picture, you wouldn’t be in the situation that you were in now. 

Because of her, you could’ve lost your life.

She’d texted you— as Gwen— asking if you were alright. It didn’t help that you straight up lied and said that you weren’t feeling alright so you decided to skip the night. At last, the light turned on in your room and she snapped out of a trance. It didn’t take long before she was trying to look through your window as discreetly as she could, her heart starting yet again with its running when she made out your silhouette. It moved around the room, until it stopped in front of the window. To her nightmare, your figure grew bigger as it came closer and closer, and opened the window. When she saw your face, her insides twisted.

You nearly screamed as soon as you saw Spider-Woman outside your window. You jumped back. It was the Spider-Woman. Unbelieving, you blinked at her— a bad idea, you then realized, considering your bruised eye. 

“…Spider-Woman?”

“Uh, hi there.”

You touched your head, closing your eyes. Maybe the blow you received was worse than you thought. “Am I hallucinating?” 

Gwen laughed weakly. “Nope. I’m very real right now.”

“Oh, okay.” You stared at her, disoriented, a million questions running through your brain. “Can I— can I ask what you are doing here?” You chose to ask first. 

“I, uh, wanted to check up on you after the incident that happened earlier. I didn’t really have time to say anything.” It wasn’t fully a lie. You nodded slowly, tilting your head.

“How’d you know where I live?”

She couldn’t judge you for asking so many questions, but God, coming up with a lie on the spot was turning out to be problematic for her. “Uh… spider-sense?”

She tried.

You were yet more perplexed. “Spider what?”

“It’s a thing… I have…” She tapped her head. Again, it wasn’t a full-blown lie. Thankfully, you didn’t continue budging and instead hummed, nervously playing with the hem of your shirt. “You don’t have to answer— only if you want to talk about it, but…what happened?” She asked quietly, afraid of your reaction. Your body went rigid and you hesitated. 

“I was going to meet up with a girl I like when I heard and then saw someone getting beaten to death.” Her white eye lenses grew big. “The two out of the three people doing it saw me and began to chase me. I tried to hide, but they eventually caught up to me.” You whispered.

Her fingers touched her mouth. “Oh God… I’m so… I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”

You raised a brow. “…What do you mean? You saved me.”

“But I…” Gwen choked up and you furrowed your brows. She checked her watch, her body so weak she was surprised she was standing up. “I have to go. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You don’t deserve it.”

Before you could reply, she scurried away from your window and leaped off the fire escape. You watched as she swung away and eventually disappeared, feeling hazy and more puzzled than ever.

After she thought she had gotten far away enough, Gwen dropped down on a random rooftop, stumbling and falling to her knees. She felt trapped inside the mask. Almost as if it were stuck, permanently sewn to her skin, and if she tried to rip it off, she’d tear every last inch of skin off with it. She was the mask. She was Spider-Woman, and would forever be. It’s a responsibility she was doomed with for eternity unless she lost a fucking limb or her own life, and there’s nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t simply walk away, or dispose of all the criminals and villains, all the calamities and traps hurled at her which sent her defenseless body flying, hurting it, along with everyone else in the way. Everyone else like Peter. Peter and now you. 

Her trembling hand ripped off her mask, her wet face nearly freezing as the wind attacked her skin. She took out her phone and searched for your contact, wiping her nose with her gloves. “Hey…” She typed, but stopped. Keep going, she urged herself. Just fucking write. Her thumb hung above the keyboard, her teary eyes fixed on the cursor blinking, taunting her. 

“If you don’t do this, I’m going to hate you for the rest of my fucking life, Gwen.” She hissed at herself and hiccuped after. It didn’t matter if you hated her. It had to be done.

You inspected with a frown at your bruised eye in the mirror, your fingers ghosting over the swollen skin. But your grimace vanished and a faint grin took over your features when you received a message and read Gwen’s name. Rapidly, you opened the text, the overwhelming heaviness burning in your chest immediately flickering out.

It was only temporary, though.

Gwen read the message one last time, and her heart dropped down to her stomach the instant she saw you had opened it. Her own words repeated themselves in her head, slashing her skin with regret, mercilessly cutting her heart apart into unfixable bits.

“I’ve been thinking lately, and I think it’d be best if we’re just bandmates. You’re cool, so I hope that there are no hard feelings between us.”

She turned off her phone and closed her eyes, letting out a long breath. Somehow, she still hated herself.

You didn’t reply. Not a word, no phone call. Nothing. You explained to MJ and Glory what had happened and missed band practice for a week, saying you wanted your eye to heal as much as possible. You never told Gwen anything, though. The girls were in charge of doing it, and she had to act surprised and repress the regret that stabbed at her. Glory was shocked she wasn’t the first to find out and she questioned her about it, but Gwen solely shrugged and forced out a laugh when MJ joked that getting hurt was a curse running for bassists in the band. 

The week had finally passed by and you came to Thursday rehearsal. You still greeted Glory with your secret handshake and MJ with the usual hug, as enthusiastic as always. But you ignored Gwen, and she didn’t fight against it. She had now made a promise to herself she couldn’t break. 

You’d been practicing for an hour longer than usual, stuck on the same song since Em Jay would stop in the midst of it and insist that you started over again. Everyone knew who was— or, to be more correct— were the culprits, but no one dared to speak up. MJ broke away from the mic, rubbing her face in frustration, and raised her fist in the air to end the playing. “Okay, that sucked. Yet again. But it’s okay, let’s start over from the top.”

Glory let her fingers run down the keyboard, creating what you could say was the loveliest catastrophe of a melody, and sighed. “Em Jay, I think we should take a break—”

“No, no, no, we’ll get it right this time. Let’s just get it over with, okay?” No one agreed, but she continued nonetheless. “One, two, three!”

You began again. At first, no one was messing up, and Em Jay’s hope returned. However, a minute into the song, both the drums and the bass went their own ways and invented their own pace, and MJ turned around, her hands on her hips. “I didn’t want to say it, but you two really need to get your shit together.” She pointed at Gwen and then at you. 

Gwen glanced at you. “Y/N’s a bit late.” You opened your mouth in disbelief and faced her.

“You’re going way too fucking fast!”

“No, that’s the right tempo.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Uh, yeah, it is.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Since when?”

“Since always!” Gwen exclaimed, sharing your scowl. “I’m the one who’s been here since the beginning, I think I know better.” 

You couldn’t keep your mouth shut any longer.

“Shut the fuck up, you don’t know shit, okay?!” You yelled at her, taking an intimidating step closer to her. When MJ noticed Gwen gripping her drumsticks hard, she tried to intervene.

“Guys—”

“Leave it, Mary Jane.” Gwen warned her, her face stern, and MJ stared at her, expressionless.

“It’s Em Jay.”

“I don’t fucking care!” 

“Yeah, you very clearly don’t, huh?” You said, laughing without humor and stepping even closer to Gwen. “You don’t know shit, and you don’t give a shit about anyone. It’s scary how you pretend to care about someone, but you don’t. You just fucking use them to keep yourself entertained for a while, until you get bored and then decide to leave.” You were now right in front of her, and you pointed an accusing finger into her face. Gwen tensed her jaw, fighting hard against the wetness of her eyes.

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, don’t fucking lie, Gwen.” You glared at her, shaking your head. “Don’t act like I don’t know you.”

You both shared eye contact for a few moments, and as Gwen began to blink hard, you scoffed and took a step back. “Whatever.” You muttered and turned away. “I think I’m done for the day.”

The room stayed dead silent while you packed your things up. Glory and Em Jay communicated with each other through their gazes, both equally as confused, but Gwen stuck her sight to the floor, her lip trembling as she curled her hand so tightly around the drumstick it snapped. You slammed the door shut, and Em Jay cleared her throat, biting her nails. 

“What the fuck just happened?” MJ and Glory moved their stares to Gwen. “Gwen?”

Gwen rubbed her eye, sighing. “What?” She mumbled. MJ approached her slowly, frowning.

“You got something to tell us?”

Gwen shrugged. “Maybe.” Glory raised her brows. “I messed up long ago.”

“She seems too mad for it to have been long ago.” MJ laughed nervously, but Gwen wasn’t taking any of it anymore. She stood up and pulled her hair, groaning.

“God, Em Jay, this wouldn’t have happened if you had just fucking stopped trying so hard to make our friendship work. You don’t even care about me making friends, you just wanted to feel good about yourself for helping poor little me!” She shouted, nudging MJ with her drumsticks. Em Jay remained quiet, visibly hurt, and hugging herself.

“Gwen.” Glory repeated, her strict voice shocking both Gwen and MJ. “I think you hurt someone. And I think you owe them an apology.” 

Gwen took a moment to breathe, and that was when she realized what she had done. She looked at MJ and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Em Jay. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. Thank you for trying. I should’ve tried harder as well.” She whispered sadly.

The corner of MJ’s mouth quirked upwards, and gripped her hand back. “Thanks. But I think you’ve got one more apology left.”

It felt like February all over again. Back when MJ called her to tell her the same thing, and one day later, Gwen waited outside your school. However, this time, she knew she had to apologize for real. For the correct reason.

Gwen let her drumsticks fall to the floor and she jumped over the cables. Speeding out of the door, she hoped she still had the chance to catch up to you and hadn’t lost you again. To her relief, you were at the end of the corridor, in front of the opening elevator doors when she called out your name. Your ears perked up, but your expression hardened when you saw her running up to you. “Y/N, listen—”

“Fuck off.” You laughed and moved to get into the elevator, but Gwen grabbed your arm and spun you around. 

“No!” You stared at her, shocked. “N-No, I’m not going to… fuck off. Not this time.” Her eyes were big, begging. 

You clutched her wrist and pulled her hand away from you. “I think it’s too little too late, Gwen. I’ve had enough.”

“I made a mistake.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Just let me talk, please.”

“No.” You shushed her, breathing heavily. “Let me talk, okay? Let me tell you about this little mistake of yours. Not only did you act as if you didn’t know me months ago and said we were never friends when I joined the band, but you acted as if you hadn’t already done this. You played with my feelings. Not once, but apparently fucking twice! And you didn’t even apologize!” 

Your voice broke as you finally let out your repressed feelings, and you hated yourself for it. You despised yourself for still listening to her, for still caring about her.

You left Gwen speechless. “You wanted to talk, and now I’m giving you the chance. Say something.” You begged, prepared to be let down. But she looked up at you and let out a shaky sigh, sniffing.

“I don’t… I don’t know. I thought I liked you a year ago when we first met. I really did. The feelings were there, b-but…”

“If you never liked me, then why’d you come back?” You asked, broken-hearted. It hurt Gwen to see how much pain she had caused you, all because she was too much of a coward to own up to her feelings. 

“That’s the thing.” She breathed out, shrugging. “Maybe I do.”

Your face softened. “What?”

“Don’t make me explain it, please.”

“You have to.”

“I can’t.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, groaning. “For fuck’s sake.” Gwen shook her head and her shoulders began to shake.

“I can’t…”

“Why not—”

“Because it scares me!” She cried out, a sob finally breaking free from her system. You frowned.

“Why?”

“B-Because…” She wiped her nose, struggling to spit it out. “I really like you. I really do. And I don’t know if I’m ready for something like that. I can’t lose you.”

You gently grabbed her shoulder, while your other hand held her chin. “I’m not going to run away from you. I’m here.”

It wasn’t as simple as that. “I can’t.” She said again, even if she didn’t want to let go of your touch. You bit your lip.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” 

She didn’t know what to answer. Your hand slowly sneaked down to hold hers, and you looked at her for permission, your expectations not as high. But she clutched your hand hard. “You can do it, Gwen. You can’t spend the rest of your life like this. If you do, you will lose everyone.” You smiled sadly. You quieted down, pondering, but eventually, you breathed out and closed your eyes. “I really like you, too. I always did. And if I have to wait, it’s okay. Just… don’t disappear again, okay?”

Gwen analyzed your face. She wondered what you must have looked like that night back when you kissed her. And since she hadn’t done anything right before, she wondered whether she could try again. 

In a second, she squeezed her eyes shut and pecked your lips. You were caught off guard as your fingers came up to touch your mouth. “Nah, you’re right. I think it’s about damn time.” She bit back her smile.

She took the big step.

[lilmajorshawty]

Mars Through The Houses : El chico Romantico

Mars In The First House : el Bulldog

(Gunna - Car Sick ft. NAV & Metro Boomin)

They can be Heavy, Domineering, and powerfully sexual and raw. something like a volcanic eruption, and it's searing steam and smoke burning threw your esophagus as it works it’s way down your intestines. these men can be rough. they aren’t the sweet ones or the ones with those soft hands. they carry themselves self protected and can seem as if they are irritated or enraged when they’re actually in the best mood. the men and women here can loathe people being too close, or two overly familiar with them especially if you seem shady or superficial. the men and women don’t know how to hide their feelings or disdain so often they can make some pretty blatant or genuine reactions to things that can at times hurt your feelings if your skin isn’t thick. these natives aren’t cold hearted, rather they are and have grown up in environments that pushed them to be tough, strong and conflict ready. they like honesty and usually dislike being directed or bullied into choices & can often lash out or react to people on sight making them seem unapproachable. romantically the men are direct and INTENSE. when they see something they like you best believe they’ll be eating. they don’t beat around the bush and can be very impulsive about getting things started. the women on the other hand are a bit more subtle and chill about their approach. they often use their beauty and sensuality to mend situations in their favor, but once they’ve booked their love interest they can be very sexually direct and often fall in the role of the initiator. women with this placement in their early years can feel a bit out of line with their femininity and might be insecure about this for sometimes until they claim their sexuality. once claimed these women are HOT, sensual and very intimidating, both physically and emotionally. mars in this house adds a level of strength and resolve in many women often pushing them in more traditionally masculine roles and also making them far more comfortable with aggression and volatile environments. the men can be strongly sexually driven but they often have a strong love for balance and strength In their partners. the love nature is often soooo passionate and these boys aren’t on the hunt as other fire houses, usually preferring one lover. that being said for both sexes, once the bridge is crossed and they’re betrayed or left they often have no issue moving on. the face and eyes tend to be fixed and tense, the face is often sporting a couple of scars or small acne here and there. the hair can be set set in it’s color. they can have a sort of arian look and may even seem like an aries rising but, the energy is far more raw. the first house gives more cardinal and even far more aggression to the natal mars. they can seem far more fiery and independent then their fellow mars and the sexuality seems to ooze of the native. can seem aggressive and mysterious. 

Mars In The Second House : El niño Senual 

(Jungle - Beat 54)

They can be slow, sensual and bullheaded. something like a candle lit room, all the windows open as you feel the cool breezing wind blowing the rosemary scented candle scent around. these men are perplexing to say the least. sometimes they are all in, so interested and so decided and the next moment they have no opinion, no feeling or perspective on the matter. they can seem aloof or rather doe eyed at the feeling of contentment they’re are feeling. these men send mixed signals but make no mistake they’re as stable as they come. the mixed signals comes from their fear of being hurt and wasting time. they need and crave stability and oneness but often more than not people never are ready for the long-term. they are very patient and often tend to be amazing listeners and even finer gentlemen as they often had a strong foundation of their upbringing based om being courteous and respectable. they have a monstrous level of self control and this is how they seduce you in silence. they coil around you and wave their expressive eyes as they touch you in all the right places. they hate people that rush them and tend to do things in steps or phases rather than day by day; so you could be waiting a little while if you’re waiting for one to admit how he feels to you. women with this placement are stubborn as hell, the devil himself with god as his right hand wouldn’t be able to sway her mind. these women tend to be creatures of comfort and pleasure and normally you’ll notice in the way they present themselves that quite a bit of effort goes into hygiene, upkeep, and we can not forget clothes. both sexes love the lavish life and tend to be very business savvy, so you’ll often see them with everything they dreamt of and more due to how hard of workers they are. the women tend to be very sensitive at heart but the male version of this placement is not only moody but they’re veryyyy emotional. the women usually approach things slowly but know when to speed things up while the men will go as slow as molasses even as the deadline is approaching. the sexual nature is tender and sensual and these natives tend to like the build up and anticipation to sex, involving all 6 of the senses. unlike their 8th house counterpart they tend to like intimacy and sex in a large quantity, ever tiring of it due to their love of consistency. the throat can have scars or a more muscular veiny look for men and women. mars in this house is given lower sun venus traits and can make a natives mars seem more slow, steady and passive. 

Mars In The Third House : El chico Flighty 

(Billy Idol - White wedding) 

They can be tantric, racing, and completely exhilarating. something like those nights you snuck out to go to that party you knew that special boy would be at. they often can leave you wondering, or leave you asking. these men seem like they are only here for the moment, waiting for the next mental highway. their sexuality is like a current and often what they want and need is unfamiliar. they just chase the tracks and end up in a new place, new people, new love, new sex, new feelings. they don’t get mad per say, they just have spurts of aggression that can come from nowhere. you see the third house makes emotions bounce about yet never does it confront them at the moment in time they should've been dealt with which is why everything can seem so intense during these spurts. these natives could be angry about something that happened years ago, yet because they never dealt with it that emotion upon return comes back far darker and far more wild than it was at the moment in time. They can love sex or be completely unmoved about it. everything is a psychological and often mental experience for them so in many ways it’s sort of like they take things as they go and never really waste to much time on the moment. the women sport the same energy here. They can be flighty and even a bit unattainable as they often actively pursue dead end situations as a means of maintain their freedom. they tend to adore communication and cerebral banter and honestly for both sexes, the mind is an aphrodisiac. one must be able to traverse the mind with them, and strip it’s layers to really rile them up sexually. the men and women can have strong arms and or arms that are rather well defined or muscular in it’s shape. men tend to have visible veins or even just very hairy or alpha looking hands and arms with this placement. and the manner of speech for both sexes can run from abrasive, to direct and blunt. the mind is often pretty restless and childlike, making these natives easily bored or irritable when stuck in a retentive space or situation. the women with this placement tend to be social chameleons and can easily charm their way through a crowd. the thing here is that mars in the third house women tend to be intimidating both mentally and spiritually as the mercurial energy allows their divine feminine a further reach in the world of the living. men can range from domineering or arrogant with this placement of mars. the thing to be said is that the men can be provocative and deeply magnetic with their charismatic gender neutral sensuality. although astrology doesn’t tell sexuality, I will say that this placement for mars gives many a very free attitude to sex. third house gives mars a rather detached and whimsical energy. the mars is covered in a more mercurial, buzzy energy making them seem anxious, restless and distressed. 

Mars In The Fourth House : Mommas Boy

(Shanice - It’s for you)

They can be emotive, aloof, and a whirlpool of feeling. something between what we speak without words and something that we speak threw touch. they often need and crave touch. men with this position can be soulful and unpredictable. you never really see them coming, mainly because so much of what they feel behind the actions and stunts they pull is swimming somewhere in their heart. much of their motivation and reaction is all from their gut, deep in their soft bellies or rock hard abs lay the reason why they left you on read, or haven’t talked to you for 8 months after that one date you had at carabaos. you wont ever understand these men because they don’t really understand the waters either. these men tend to be ones to jump into physical intimacy as opposed to be communicative right away. it’s easier for them to convey through closeness and “heat.” many tend to be passive and rather side - to side with how they pursue love interest, sometimes being more bold one day and then ghosting days following. they don’t lack confidence, rather they just lack consistency so often times it can seem like they’re shyer then they actually are. These men tend to have emotional bonds with their home life that are rather aggressive or passionate in it’s building. and even more so they can be rather protective of their family and loved ones. the family is often one that has either a military, police, FBI, government, Doctor/hospital work, and or sports background. The women here tend to sport the above mentioned home traits and both men and women here can be far more blunt and assertive when at home than any where else. women with this placement can be strongly divine, often choosing reason above outright action unlike their male counterpart. the reactions are dealt with openly though which often causes the women of this placement to retreat into their shell more often than not due to wanting to maintain privacy. they often need an emotional connection before initiating any form of deeper contact and tend to for better or worse have a strong tie to the father in such a way that he shapes who and what she attracts and does in her life regarding more masculine types in her life. she can often be musically inclined and have quite the warm energy, women and or feminine men of this placement tend to be like honey sickle for masculine types. they often crave the nurturing and warm glow of these natives and can often grow very obsessive appetites for these natives. The chest region can either be more on the smaller side or more muscular shaped for both women and men here. parents where either too childish or too impulsive and self centered during childhood. that being said parents where passionate, intense and deeply protective. a more emotional/ watery nature can be added to the natal mars when in this house so it’ll often make the mars far more touchy/sensitive and cautious. 

Mars In The fifth House : El chico apasionado 

(Zedd, Katy Perry - 365) 

They can be cunning, amorous and dubious. something in-between fast and ecstatic. Speed is the name of the attraction and it’s only second to how long they can wane and purr while the courting stage is starting. they adore the chase but also adore the moments of heartening longing. in most cases they can be overrun by their more impulsive desires and wants, often confusing these with things they actually need. The backs can be muscular and more roughly hewn for both men and women of this placement. in women this can show a women who is naturally full of radiant energy albeit in a more subtle way. she’s magnetic but joyful almost like a fairy. women here can often find themselves being a slave to the passion of the chase, often taking on more aggressive actions and personalities when getting what they want be it romantic or otherwise. men and women here tend to adore competition and the idea of feeling like they “might” have an equal even though deep down they crave the “idea” of it more than it’s “actuality” they can be passionate and deeply fixed sexually and tend to be deeply intertwined with their sexual partners. the fixed nature of this house adds an almost brick like level of concentration on romance and the pursuit of sex. they love to have it but even more so they can be extremely possessive and loyal once they've been cooed. the anger can run calm, and then become evasive much like a lion but once pushed beyond the nicking and scratching they can get VERY volatile. The children can be very Arian in their nature and either have a high concentration of mars or Scorpio In their own charts. domineering, wild and often hard to manage behavior is common in the child's early stages. all I can recommend is to make sure you keep a firm grip and remain steady otherwise those kids will run you over. relationships with the kids are often passionate and physically involved. these natives have a strong love for sports or physical activity and many can take up dancing or boxing as hobbies as they need to release that overabundance of energy. The sexual nature is dynamic and insatiable and these natives tend to need sex quite a bit. These men can be easy to spot, the smile is always cocky and smooth, they feel like they can have you, like you just can’t do without them. the women seem passive, yet behind the veil, their meticulous strokes of the hair, the low glare and glowing smile...they’re seducing you.  both men and women here are famous for falling out of love when they feel as though they aren't your main focus or obsession. they want to feel desired, in many ways they can confuse sexual chemistry with love but above all else they want to feel like two people can’t get enough of one another so often they live in a more romantic state of mind which often clouds their energies. they love hard but can often have turbulent love unions because of how “ON THE HUNT” they can be about love. adds a very dramatic, passionate, and dynamic attitude to the natal mars. often adds a fiery nature to the mars.

Mars In The Sixth House : El chico perfecto

(PJ Harvey - One Line)

They can be attentive, earthy and dangerous. something so sweetly wrapped and decorated, with a very dubious and bare inside. They often seem so neatly packaged, the perfect smile, the most down to earth persona, soft eyes and that sweet compassionate hand. the thing is many men with this placement have two sides to them, MR. perfect and The darker lost boy. they don’t like to reveal anything messy so soon and in most ways they are so good at hiding their “human” qualities that you’ll almost feel lied to wants they start to shed their meticulous skin. they can often be strongly attached to the world and the trees, and nature itself for that matter. they truly are nature boys and take quite a bit of care to live healthy and well mannered lifestyles. that being said they maintain a barrier between the short and sweet and the deep and personal. they normally love things to be paced rather than all at once, so you’ll likely notice that they keep things very simple, especially in the beginning. they don’t do this to be sexy or seductive either, they just like to wear their mask as long as possible before the real them pops in. these men are hot, an aphrodisiac if you will. they can be very disarming with their innocent and genuine nature but they can also keep you on edge with how intense and sharp their real nature is. The women can be the lovely and sweet rose budding quietly alone away from all the flowers. these women don’t share the double nature of their male counterpart but can often give off a very virgin, innocent, pure energy whilst masking a deeper more earthy sensuality and sexuality underneath. they often are worker bees, both men and women of this placement. the women are often straight to the point and maintain a fair amount of distance. unlike their male counterpart being cordial or social for the sake of doing so isn’t their forte so in most cases you’ll notice these women isolating themselves or deeply focused in the newest mental gymnastic that’s caught their attention. cleanliness for both men and women here comes naturally and very rarely will you see them looking unkempt, that being said the boys and women here have a natural earthy look that can at times seem very old school or late 70′s. the girls often prefer longer hair styles and more relaxed on makeup. they tend to like masking or darker makeup as opposed to bright and sunny. the men tend to dress meticulously but also loathe sticking out to much. Both men and women here run the same on sex and tend to be the types who can go without it for years, but they do masturbate, and BOY do they love “self love” the girls and boys here tend to like sexual consistency and usually prefer it constantly when in a committed relationship. they both are very sexually open and can be quite kinky, but this is usually with people they’ve developed a routine with. in men or women that are homosexual this can show up as a strong turn on to anal play and even in straight women and men this can be a strong g-spot. the stomach and lower pelvis region can often be roughly defined or well muscular in it’s appearance. this house adds an earthy and rather mercurial nature to the mars sign. the native will be grounded and cerebral about how they go about reacting to things. the anger is often dealt with most at work or in work settings. office sexual encounters are common ground for those with Pluto, Uranus aspecting mars from this house. 

Mars In The Seventh House : El chico encantador

(Sir Sly - High)

They can be Shy, Dominate, and a walking bag of contradictions. Something so romantic and magnetically so as if it were prom night all over again. These men can be sooooo charming, the grin, the small glimmer in their eyes when you’re around, the lighthearted charisma and the soft toned tone of their voice as they work your blood pressure. They tend to be far more observant and patient then they’re given credit for. some speculate mars in the 7th to make a native actively more aggressive in personal dealings but I must disagree. these natives are forceful and can be quite the aggressor in some situations but in many ways they prefer to be more passive and polite if anything. their charm lays in the fact that they can cater to ones sexual and most primal self without little to no effort. they bring out such an open and vibrant energy in others. They can be very secretive though and many of these men carry themselves in two ways, one for the camera and another behind the curtain. they can be sweet and the boy next door, but they are also domineering and insatiable. see mars in the 7th is about mirrors so as you can imagine men with this are constantly reverbing their good and bad side. they love innocent lovers and many tend to marry the sweet boy or gal that seems so “pure” the irony of this placement is that boy here tend to bring out aggression in their environment because they refuse to acknowledge the intensity within their own personality. Men here and women have a STRONG sex drive and need a physical expression of desire and intimacy often otherwise they can get very irritable and dismissive. the women here are similar to their male counter part but can seem like more of a Lilith than an eve. these women don’ t play submissive roles well and tend to need to be the top or the one in control in both her life and in her environment. these women have a sharp tongue and have an easy time turning a situation in her favor. many fall victim to her incredible sexual charisma and most people are often overwhelmed by this women’s sexual prowess and even more so her level of self confidence and deep built understanding of human nature. many of these women make brilliant detectives and do well in forensic work. Many of these women are very physically active and blessed with wonderful figures. mars in this house gives both men and women very strong glutes and a tight pelvic region. The marriages or partnerships for both sexes tend to BE intense. they normally rush into relationships fast unless mars is afflicted by Pluto/Saturn or Uranus or the 7th house is occupied by other planets. the energy goes into pursuing love and because of this these natives can sometimes confuse being “lonely” with being in “love” or confusing “good sex” with meaning that a person is good for you. These natives are very passionate almost second to mars in the 1st house natives, but they are normally VERY shy when they truly have feelings for someone. they unconsciously know the difference between a relationship they are chasing solely because of sex and one that is touching them on a deeper level and in those cases they become indecisive, escape artist or downright pulling a ghosting act. mars here in the 7th house is given a more Venusian sensuality, a calmer more passive disposition but also a more dynamic attitude in regards to one on ones. these natives love to argue, and they can often flirt via aggression, clowning or just by downright acting like school children. their aggressive nature comes out when they want someone, the can be hard to stop and be remarkably driven. for them love is worth all the haste and more 

Mars In The Eighth House : El chico peligroso

(The Neighbourhood - Heaven) 

They can be dark, spiritual and full of vehemence. something like a horror movie, all the characters have met their maker and only one quiet beaker of hope remains, full of endless scars and turmoil yet thy prevail and survive the ruthlessness of life. These men are very sexy, let be honest they could make you sign away your soul without doing so much as a one motion stroke of their hips. they live intensely and carry a shoulder of burdens that most people would never be able to see unless they make it so. the energy is often so potent and powerful with this placement that these natives can seem unnerving or even a bit frightening to be around. the desire of sciences and even surgery is strong here for both sexes but since this is the house of death, run in’s with malefic spirits or sideways mediums can pose constant danger to these natives. sadly in some cases these natives might’ve experienced or might experience sexual violence of some kind or be the one inflicting it.( this is not the norm and this is only in very extreme cases) the soul is constantly dying of with this placement so often these natives can seem brand new every day. sex can often be a catharsis or a deeply soul shaking thing for these natives so most times they don’t have one night stands and usually have a average libido. they are very sexual and have a strong desire for it but they tend to burn out after one or two goes as sex is such a deep and soul transferring thing for them. the women are often sleek and hidden. they prefer to withhold themselves so they stand a better chance at escaping or distancing from a situation if need be. they’re often very guarded and carry themselves with a stark intensity and seriousness. both sexes crave a spiritual union more than a sexual one and normally remain celibate for years at a time until they meet a lover or person who truly can match their intensity. the genitallia can be veiny for men and either very tight for women or more natural looking(more hair and so on) both men and women here may have piercings around the area or just darker looking gentallia all together. the money matters can be hard fought and their may be some difficulty with shady money dealings with men in general. the death can be of Martian nature and could possibly be violent if other planets aren't in the house offsetting this.(sign cusps matters as well) cars, electrical appliances and robbers/ fights should be looked out for as these all are the realm of mars. these natives are fighters and normally fight death to the very end, if they do pass it’s likely because they felt it was there time. mars here adds plutonian energies making the native intense, secretive and emotionally overwhelming. both sexes tend to be hard to read and usually don’t readily open up to people no matter the circumstance, you can be with them for 100 years and only know 20% of the entire story. These natives want you at your worst, your most vulnerable and your most bare. they can be scary and might even scare you off at first with their blatant Tartarus like energy but they are used to it, not everyone can handle their energy or it’s weight. these natives tend to have a high libido in their longer committed relationships and can crave sex everyday and every moment once you’ve passed all their testing. 

Mars In The ninth House : El chico sin límites

(Artic Monkeys - Knee Socks) 

They can be intellectual. Far out, and extremely grandeur. something like a waterfall that never stops pouring it’s blue gold. The men here can be VERY in love with anything unique, new or diverse. in many cases this can mean someone who’s physically different from them in any way, be it color, weight, lifestyles, age difference, and so on. These men are so sexy due to how expressive and authentic they are. in many ways they’ re more blunt and even more reckless than a mars in Sagittarius would normally be. they want it all and can sometimes express this in a selfish rather cool hearted way. they seem rude at first glance and might even give you the vibe that they’re snobbish or above you in some way. ironically this Is all an act as they deep down do value perspective and people who are “different” so because of that they normally try to remain as open and understanding to others as they can. They are super big on intelligence and can wow you with how deep their thought process is. men here are often conspiracy theorist with an ugly sexual appetite. Women here are opposite, sex for them is more for the experience and the feeling of triumph rather than the act itself. they love to see the world, from every view and every perspective so they naturally seek all sorts of emotional and physically stimulating interactions. they are like researchers always seeking to “understand” more than they did before. this placement in women can make them highly ambitious and bullheaded. for both sexes the thighs can either be large or muscular in size. often religion for better or worse is either loved with a passion or hated with a unnatural fury their isn't an in-between. these natives can be flighty when in relationships where to much of their desire is reciprocated back, so often their most memorable love unions consist of the lovers who either didn’t love them back or who can live without them. not to say men and women of this position can’t “love” fully, merely that they are complicated souls who yearn for passion that's grand but on terms that their love is almost hitting a wall. they want you to want them, but not so much all at once. they want the kind of love that grows and fluctuates up and down as it feels like they’ re truly growing that way. sexually these natives are gluttons, the women can drain their lovers dry depending on their moods and how “explorative” they’re feeling. men here can be a slave to their sex drive but for both  sexes the more they feel like you’re out of their reach or focused on other things the Crazier their desire for you gets. Mars in the 9th house is given a Jupiter like expansiveness, an open an ardent nature a carefree and rather flighty way of being. 

Mars In The tenth House : El chico serio

(Ex: re New York) 

They can be Intimidating, Serious and sensual. Something like the cold leaves glossing your skin on the cloudy autumn evening, it’s running late but you’re still laying on the moist soil watching the winds spiral and howl in lament. These men can be heavy, heavier than any rock or building. they feel so sad and so somber even if they wear the mightiest smile. they have a smug nature to them, as if they are beyond the moment of time and have already deemed it to be an insufficient use of their day. they are so moving, yet so deeply disengaged with everyone around them. they’re often so aggressive and active publicly that they may seem immature or more youthful then they actually are in person. they can be earnest and steady but withholding. these men have a tendency to obsess on a person, especially when they find that their is a chemistry. undenounced to most people these men are so emotional and so sexually driven behind the stoic and flat facial expression. they want you, they crave you but they wont ever show you until they are safe, hidden in the den of your sheets, the blanket of your open arms. Only then will you see their raw and earthy sexuality bloom like the deadliest rose bud. They have very strong desires to build and form their careers often putting love and physical activity in the back burner. the men here can gain weight as their extreme focus on their work can often cause them to neglect the physical body(mars). they aren’t self conscious per say but they are self aware of how their actions or someone else actions might mean. these boys will likely seem unmoved or unbothered by you in person, only stealing intense glances and stares at you here and there but trust me behind the quiet they are deeply and intensely craving you, desiring you. even more than mars in the 8th these men can be a very serious and intense man to get involved with, so if they set their sights on you, get ready for the deepest love you’ve ever experienced. women with this placement are often gentle and caring, usually taking on a very private and secluded internet persona. they can seem warm and easy to get to know but you’ll soon realize that they wont hesitate to place work, school and family above you. they are often very observant and watchful souls who notice everything often reacting in silence as not to draw any attention to themselves. these women can attract unstable men or men who are often lost in some way, relying on the women to create foundation for their broken selves. as they get older the men they attract are more self secure and more mature but for both men and women here I warn you not to marry before your Saturn return and I also encourage you to take time jumping into sexual involvements as Saturn will punish you greatly if you have sex just for the sake of sex. the bones can be rather shaped in an athletic way, or the bone structure itself can just be very nicely built and sexual in it’s creation. this house adds Capricorn and Saturn/hades like attributes to mars often making the mars more cautious, slow moving and serious. sexual nature is heard to read. 

Mars In The Eleventh house : El chico separado

(Aaliyah Feat. Drake Enough said)

They Can be separated, stoic, and profound. something cosmic but with a sadness inside their stars. these natives tend to be complicated to say the least. Mars here tends to make men seem like a closed folder, as much of what they do and how they do it seems almost as if it’s a robotic mannerism rather than an emotionally driven response. these men can be compassionate and deeply sincere but they often get uncomfortable by to much personal interaction. they prefer an ambiguous expression of sexuality and can often carry a very open, and ardent sexual nature. these men can seem flamboyant one moment and masculine the next, they’re in every sense of the word gender fluid and sexually fluid according to what and who catches their eye in the moment. these men tend to swim in a unique electric current and often move, and act in ways completely reverse or opposed to the natural flow of the world around them. Women with this placement tend to attract men or masculine women who are scientist types, or those whom have a more detached and rather impersonal physical and spiritual expression. women with this placement can be highly rational no matter how watery their natal mars and tend to prefer to keep and maintain a certain level of space and objectiveness in their dealing with the world around them. many women with this placement are strong activist and have passionate views about society as a whole. these women are enchanting due to their minds and their creative nature. Mars in this house adds a plethora of musical talent for women here in my personal experience, but for both men and women here friends with benefits situations tend to be more preferred as immediately jumping into romance tends to make them feel uneasy. the love nature is VERY deep. and these people tend to become very private and reclusive when in love, preferring to keep their romance to themselves. both men and women with this placement hate crowds and tend to be extremely to themselves. mars in this house can give strong calf muscles as well as strong ankles. there might also be scars on these areas as well. Mars here is given Aquarian/ uranian energy so often the natives are given more cerebral, detached and high to low physical energy. the friends are often masculine or more aggressor types. friendships are often passionate and can start and end very quickly. 

Mars In The Twelfth House : el niño ilegible 

(Lana Del Rey - Freak) 

They can be innocent, blurry and intangible. Something like a cloudy sky, grand and encompassing, raindrops and cold winter air flowing across the brittle frozen grass as it makes a ominous wail. These men can be so intoxicating, their gentle and rather subdued nature, the hidden and rather quiet nature of their actions and expressions. they often are evasive, yet present. missing in action yet heavily felt. these men tend to be on the softer side of things no matter how masculine they are. that being said their aggression and anger is just around the corner and when it comes out these men can be VERY dangerous. the darkness in them is hidden amongst the clouds, and years upon years of repent trauma can come bursting from the scenes like a pool of molten lava. these men are very honest but are sexually ambiguous. they detach themselves constantly during sexual intercourse and can be very guarded sexually unless their is a deep spiritual and emotional connection reached. they don’t have the heart to tell you they aren’t in love any more so they’ll likely keep playing the role you need them to if it makes you feel safe and happy. these men sacrifice quite a bit and struggle with putting their foot down when there kindness is being taken for granted. they have a strong passion and universal love for everyone deep down and are very spiritually motivated by everything they do. women with this placement don’t share as dark of a temper but can find themselves playing a more passive or subdued role around men as they can feel uncomfortable claiming their more masculine side. so for women this causes their masculine shadow to be present in their actions making them seem more aggressive or more dynamic then they intend to at random moments. the women with this placement are very giving and loving, normally drawn deeply to children and the wildlife. men and women with this placement get burned out by interacting with people over long periods of time and tend to go into hibernation or disappear to regain their energy. when younger these natives can be blamed for a lot for things they don’t do but this is mostly due to them not mastering their more masculine side expressing itself unconsciously. the sexuality is deeply sensitive and lots of times a divine force keeps these natives sexually celibate for a very long time until they meet a lover who is more safe and kind to them and their soul. their earlier sexual encounters may be uncomfortable or sort of late blooming as mars is in the 12th house meaning it didn’t get to grow the same way the other kids(planets) did. the dreams can often be very vivid and physically involved. this can mean wet dreams that persist into adulthood, fighting and or war dreams, rape dreams, domination dreams or even just dreams involving death. mars in the 12th is indicative of past life trauma so often the dreams are fragmented happenings of previous lives which is why there is such a vivid representation. the feet can be veiny and or strong, activities like dancing and or martial arts can be a great outlet. these natives don’ t lack energy rather they just lack an outlet for their intensity and as a result they rely on being lethargic as opposed to actively burning their intense energy reserves. The bodies are often naturally muscular and well built without much effort as the natives carry their past life's physical prowess. a strong attraction to work in hospitals or jails is common and in many cases deep physical bonds with inmates or patients is common. mars in this house is given watery and very diluted qualities, the traits of the natal mars are amplified if a water mars and the traits of fire, air and earth mars are softened and made more hard to see or not readily available to the person. 

[moralhymn]

SHIPPING INFO !! Answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?: Ardyn & chemistry, tbh. He’s got the chance to have a lot of chemistry with just about anyone, if he chooses. But the problem is that he’s also an awfully terrible excuse of a being, so it’s hard to say if he should get with someone or not. But honestly, anyone he has chemistry with? I can get into it. I adore shipping so much. It’s such a great way to break a character down and see how they interact and what comes out of them in such situations.

Highkey though? I am going to stan Ardyn/Ignis forever. I genuinely have no words for how much that ship has consumed me. None. And I’m being enabled so bad when it comes to it thanks to certain people. 

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: I’ll write anything. From AUs to canon, from dark gritty horror to slice of life fluff to domestic aus to-- well, you get the idea. Though, given that it’s Ardyn, I don’t see a lot of slice of life happening. But I want to see it sometimes. I genuinely do. However, there’s gotta be some kind of plot or at least some sort of forward momentum to things. I can’t do “and then they did x” for forever. Something has to happen at some point to progress the plot, somehow. Knowing me, it’s going to wind up in angst.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: Age gaps only make me uncomfortable if one party is distinctly underage. As long as both muses are of age and able to consent without issue to a relationship, then that’s all that matters. And the same goes for the mundanes! Though I will always say flat out that I prefer all my writing partners to be of legal age, as ever.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?: lmfao I’m really not. I will ship so fast and so hard. However, if it’s just sexual, then that’s one thing. I will write sexual ships so very easily. A romantic ship on the other hand, where Ardyn is concerned? Oh, that’s going to take a lot of work. Can he even feel for someone romantically? ... well, yes. He can. But he’s got so much baggage. So, ultimately, while I can write him getting it on with just about anyone, when it comes to the full tilt they’re hooking up and emotionally involved stuff? I think that’d take a lot more doing.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NS/FW?: When hands are wandering below the belt and there’s definitely heavy patting going on? That’s generally when I’ll start tagging it. And definitely when pants are open or coming off. Otherwise, I don’t tend to do so. But I will match my partner if they begin tagging their posts with nsfw. Never hurts to be courteous, after all!

WHO ARE OTHER THE CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?: Given how Ardyn works? Heck if I know. I mean I’ve got art of him with pretty much all the main cast and all, so I definitely enjoy stuff aesthetically! I can be warmed up to a ship, though, if someone gets to talking to me about it and it seems like it’d work out, though! So I guess it’s anyone, really!

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: Nope! However, I am oblivious sometimes so you might have to hit me in the face with a brick that says “I WANT TO SHIP WITH YOU!” in all honesty. I’m also so very, very shy about asking people to ship because I loathe forcing a ship onto someone. Communication is important! 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: I love shipping. I adore it. I think that shipping, in any form, be it platonic, romantic, sexual, or otherwise, can be very fascinating. Getting to break a character down in terms of seeing how they respond to someone in certain situations? It’s definitely appealing to me as a writer. And if someone wants to explore certain situations with a shippy angle? I’m all for it!

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: Other’n my otp? Nope. I mean, I can get ship obsessed and will scream about stuff with folks if they let me, but I take it all as a case-by-case basis. I definitely do like to ship, but I never go into things expecting a ship. If it happens, it happens!

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: I am! There are very few characters that I can single-ship on because I adore getting to see the interactions between different versions of the same character far, far too much. Just because this version of this character reacts in this way to a situation does not mean that that character will respond in the same fashion. Roleplay is all about seeing the differences in the same setting, I think!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: Besides mine--? Hahahaha no I’m joking. ( no I’m not. ) Honestly, I am a lover of Promptio and LuNyx and LuNoct. Yes, I’m aware that people have controversial opinions of Luna/Noctis, but you know what? I adore it. I genuinely think that it’s a good ship. 

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?: Talk to me! I will be here ready to scream about ships any time of the day or night if you and I start shipping. I will also provide 5234234 ideas, plots, settings, scenarios, aus and more for you. I get so involved in my ships and I adore flat out getting to see interpersonal relationships evolve. And I admit, I adore getting to see characters like Ardyn get torn apart by emotions that they have no way to cope with. It’s so enjoyable to me, in truth. BREAK HIM APART. I’m a sadist. But yeah, just talk to me and let me know your interests and what you aren’t interested in and I can definitely find ways to make things work!

Stolen from: @chainedoracle Tagging: Steal it and tag me!

[a-rumbly-in-my-tumbly]

Tagged by @born2bealone

1. Your guilty pleasure favorite song?

I don't know if I really consider any songs to be guilty pleasures these days. At one time I totally was like OMG my street cred!!! about the poppier stuff I like but now I really don't care. Lately I have been really into Two Door Cinema Club ("What You Know" is a fantastic song). 2. Are you a collector? If yes, then what do you collect? The only thing I really consider a collection are my Winnie the Pooh bears. I think I have about 12 now, and one of them is literally the size of a small child and fuzzy so I am happy with him. I am pretty discerning though. 3. Do you have childhood dreams that you still want to fulfil? Sure. I think there's a lot of things I wish I could do in an ideal situation. 4. Any language you wish you knew? Honestly I want to know every language in the world but I would probably choose Russian and French in addition to the Japanese I already know. 5. What’s your favorite animation studio? I don't really have one. 6. What country do you desperately want to visit before you die? Honestly, I need to go back home. It's been six years. Outside of that though I would love to see the British Isles (my Arthurian-legend obsessed inner child demands it). 7. One thing you hate to do? Cleaning. It gets so overwhelming so quickly. 8. Which book or series you want to bring to big screen/tv show? Honestly, I don't trust anyone not to ruin the books I love horribly. I adore Locke Lamora, but after the shit show GoT turned into, just leave it the fuck alone, thanks. 9. What do you want to change in your life right now?

Hm. I want to be more comfortable with myself. I feel like I have lost so much and am still dealing with seeing myself as a person who deserves respect. 10. If you fall in love with a foreigner, are you ready to give up everything and move with him/her to his/her country? If they can support me, sure. 11. Are you happy?

I don't know, honestly. I am not pleased but I also know it can be so much worse.

ﾟ.+:｡∩(・ω・)∩ﾟ.+:｡the extras(*´･ω･) 1) which do you prefer, a honest behavior/comment or a courteous behavior/comment?

Honesty. There's nothing that gives me more anxiety than someone who treats me like the sun shines out my ass- I always am waiting for the other shoe to drop, or until they decide their treating me nicely entitles them to something from me.

2) is there any drink/food you hate? A lot, but the bane of my existence is seaweed because it ruins so many things that would normally be great. Not liking beer is also a Social Problem here at times.

3) are you learning a skill by yourself? if yes, what is it?

I don't think I am at the minute. 4) what do you do to release the stress?

Hot showers. I love them so much. A carbonated beverage after a hot shower is the best. Also karaoke, or singing alone in my house. I also like coloring even if I don't have time to do it often. Reading, of course.

5) what’s the last song you listened to? Two Door Cinema Club's "Cigarettes in the Theatre"

6) tell me a thing you always carry in your bag?

A book. Sometimes two if they're short or if I am close to finishing one. 7) if you can have kind of super power right now, what would you like it to be? Healing. Make me a white mage, bitch let's get down. If I can have two like most superheroes I would want seduction powers, or at least the ability to make people like me if not want to fuck me.

8) are you a coffee or tea person? Tea for sure. I have coffee cravings when I am super tired but it upsets my stomach a bit. I love tea though.

9) what do you like to sing at Japanese karaoke right now? When I went last week they had 愛は流星 (Trowa's image song from Gundam Wing) and that was badass as all hell. Lately I find myself falling back on things I know I don't sound like garbage on. Lareine's "Fuyu Tokyo" is always a dead lock, or Dir en grey's "Cage".

10) tell me a life lesson you learned recently? No matter how hard you work or how capable you are, life is just a huge popularity contest, so if you're not who people think you should be, it's better to expect nothing. That way you're never going to be more disappointed in people than you already are.

11) what’s the last drama/movie you watched? "Sleeping Beauty", it was pretty awful. Thanks for nothing, Netflix.

[gymgurusuniverse]

10 Steps To Becoming a Genuine Alpha Fitness Chick

Reaching Alpha status in the gym is no mean feat, and quite frankly, it’s not for everyone. You need to have “the right stuff”. And if you don’t have the right stuff, you need to get it, if you ever want to earn the position of Alpha Fitness Chick.

So what exactly does it mean to be an Alpha Fitness Chick?

Well, as you’ve probably figured, Alpha is the top of the heap. The Alpha Chick has 5 defining attributes when it comes to fitness, and life in general for that matter:

She’s a legit bad-ass in the gym

She oozes confidence

She walks to her own beat

She’s intimidated by no one

She’s a leader, not a follower

Now, even though some women (and men, for that matter) might reach Alpha status more quickly than others, anyone can get there, if they choose to put the work in.

That doesn’t mean though that everyone will get there. Some women just don’t have the drive and the passion for fitness to make it that serious a part of their life. And that’s fine. It doesn’t mean they’re any less of a person. Everyone has their own priorities and goals for their life and that’s to be respected.

Others however will never reach Alpha level in the gym simply because they get trapped at other levels, as you’ll see when you read on.

Here then are 10 steps to successfully becoming a genuine Alpha Fitness Chick, and avoiding getting stuck forever at Beta or less:

1. Intensity is Queen

If you seriously want to be Alpha, then you seriously need to work like it. The gym isn’t the place for leisure, complacency, stress relief, relaxation, or anything else other than working out with intensity. It’s where you pay your dues. There’s no free ride to Alpha status.

In her book, Thick Face, Black Heart, author Chin Ning Chu said:

“Character is not made of sunshine and roses. Like steel, it is forged in fire, between the hammer and the anvil.”

Whatever you happen to be doing in the gym, you should be doing it with intensity. Intensity not only develops your fitness and your physique, it forges your character and mental toughness. That’s what it takes to be an Alpha Fitness Chick.

Cardio bunnies in particular need to take note of this point. A daily leisurely session on the treadmill or elliptical is better than doing nothing at all, to be sure, but it won’t get you anywhere near Alpha level.

2. Lift Heavy

An Alpha Fitness Chick is strong, both mentally and physically. And she looks it.

5lb weights just aren’t going to achieve any of those things, no matter how many reps you do.

The bottom line is, if a woman is afraid of lifting heavy because she doesn’t want to get “too bulky”, she will never be Alpha. She’ll be forever trapped at Princess level, going through the motions with her tiny hand weights that will do nothing more than give her a false sense that she’s doing something.

Don’t be afraid of weight, and lots of it. That doesn’t mean getting under a bar you can’t cope with and risking hurting yourself. There’s nothing Alpha about a back brace. Of course, you have to work up to it safely and sensibly.

But the goal here is a mindset of constantly progressing with your weight and your strength. Constantly. You won’t get too big. On the contrary, you’ll get beautiful, toned feminine curves.

3. Mix it With the Boys

If you’re learning to fight, and you’re the strongest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room. In that room you’ll be doing the teaching, not the learning. If you want to learn and to grow, you want to be the weakest person in the room.

In the gym, you’re fighting against weakness. That means being mentally tough and not being intimidated. By anything or anyone.

So give the women’s section of the gym a miss. And walk right by the cushy, stylish machines. Get in amongst the guys and pick up some iron. At first you might feel a little uncomfortable and even intimidated. After all, you’ll be the weakest person in the room.

But that’s OK, work though it and you’ll grow. That’s how an Alpha mindset is forged.

Pretty soon you’ll feel right at home in the Alpha-est section of the gym, along with the raw, primal feel of the iron in your grip and the cold sound of clanging steel.

4. You’re on a Mission, Act Like it

An Alpha Chick is a leader, and a leader always has a plan of attack and knows what she’s doing.

When you head into the gym, make sure you have your workout plan with you. Know what your goal is and know exactly what you’re going to do to complete your mission. Then get in there, execute it, and leave.

Without this purpose and direction you’ll just be wandering around and winging it as you go. You’ll waste time and will most likely have a sub-par workout. You might have a good one here and there if you’re lucky, but this hit and miss approach is no way to get to Alpha status.

You need to smash it each and every time you show up, and that takes military planning and execution. Remember the British Army adage, the 7 P’s:

“Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.”

5. Challenge Yourself

You have your fitness goals and you know what you’re setting out to achieve. It might be muscle growth, fat loss, or whatever. Every now and then however, do something different – something uncomfortable and new. Just because. Just to prove to yourself that you can do it.

For example, if you’re working on strength and muscle growth, you’re probably working around 6-12 reps most days. Throw in a few 24-rep sets, or even 50 reps. That won’t target your physical strength, but your mental strength instead.

Your muscles will burn and you’ll be in pain. Failure won’t come from limitations of your muscles but from your mind deciding to quit.

Throwing yourself into the fire like this as a regular part of your program will toughen you and make a woman out of you. It will make you a true Alpha Fitness Chick.

6. BS is For Bro-Science

Part of being confident within yourself and with what you’re doing comes from knowledge. The Alpha Fitness Chick takes it upon herself to educate herself and understand not only what to do as part of her workout program, but also how and why.

This is particularly important for two reasons. Firstly, the gym is filled with “bros” who believe they know it all when it comes to fitness, but actually don’t. And secondly, a good number of these bros will take it upon themselves to do you the favor (as a clueless and vulnerable female) of enlightening you with their misguided opinions.

From my experience, it seems to be that the individuals who know the least are quite often also those who seem the quickest to offer their unsolicited help. Unless you’re confident enough in your own knowledge to stick to your convictions, these bros will quickly have you second-guessing yourself and chasing your tail in confusion.

Not very Alpha.

The best way to deal with unsolicited advice from strangers in the gym is to give them a courteous smile, a quick “Thanks, I’m good”, and to keep doing what you’re doing. The bottom line is everyone has an opinion and regardless of what you do, whether absolutely correct or imperfect, there will always be people who will think you’re not doing it right. Ignore them.

I’ve seen a number of top level fitness women doing exercises less than correctly in online videos. So what? They’re as Alpha as they come and their results speak for themselves regardless.

There’s a lesson there. Just do your best, keep doing your own thing, and forget what everyone else thinks.

7. Bars are For Socializing, Barbells are For Lifting

Nothing screams Beta level more than someone chit-chatting away in the gym, in person or on the phone, or texting, or posting to social media.

An Alpha Fitness Chick takes her gym time far more seriously than that. She doesn’t just dabble with her workouts or make them social events, she’s there to dominate. As I mentioned before, she’s on a mission, and would never allow such inconsequential distractions to interrupt her focus.

Enough said.

8. Forget Image, Let Your Guts Do the Talking

The Alpha Fitness Chick isn’t concerned with appearances. She doesn’t feel as though she needs to make a good impression or look good for anyone else. She has no fear or concern of being judged.

At the end of the day, if you’re working out with Alpha intensity then that will be making all the impression anyhow. In reality, Alpha Fitness Chicks are rare enough that if you’re working out like one, no one is going to be noticing what you wear anyhow. They’ll be too busy being impressed by YOU.

Don’t take that to mean you should intentionally dress down however. In a way, that’s just as bad, because either way you’re going out of your way to create an impression for people.

Just be yourself.

If dressing in brightly colored gym clothes is you, then do that. If you prefer to dress in black, dress in black and don’t worry about people thinking you look morbid. If your thing is having painted nails and even some jewelry, knock yourself out, and don’t be concerned with people thinking you’re too showy.

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you.

As I said, just be real about it. Genuineness and honesty are always very Alpha.

9. Don’t Try Too Hard

This is mostly the domain of male gym-goers, but women need to be aware of it too.

Trying to appear Alpha in the gym, by doing things such as lifting more weight than you can cope with, or intentionally making loud noises and dropping weights to draw attention to yourself, doesn’t fool anyone. On the contrary, it labels you as a “try-hard”.

A tiger doesn’t feel the need to show its strength, or to appear intimidating. It just goes about doing its own thing without regard for anyone else, and even so everyone respects it for what it’s capable of. The Alpha Fitness Chick is the same.

Some people are also under the impression that being rude to others and walking around with a constant scowl or a frown on their face makes them some kind of an intimidating bad-ass, and therefore Alpha. It doesn’t. Once again, it just makes them a try-hard.

They’re simply trying to project an image that isn’t genuine. They’re trying to impress. The Alpha Fitness Chick doesn’t try to impress anyone, but it just happens naturally anyhow.

Being friendly and civil to people in the gym doesn’t prevent you from reaching Alpha status. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly. There’s nothing wrong with a brief chat before or after your workout session, or even a friendly comment here or there in between sets. As long as you don’t let people take liberties and you limit your interactions so that they don’t interfere with your focus or what you’re doing, it’s all good.

10. Pay it Forward

The Alpha Fitness Chick is a leader, and a leader always serves as a positive role model and mentor when she can. Helping others on their fitness journey, whether it’s through advice or simply encouragement, is very Alpha behavior. Just be careful about giving advice that isn’t requested, however.

A try-hard feels the need to put herself on a pedestal above everyone else and so won’t give the time of day to anyone she sees as being beneath her.

An Alpha Fitness Chick isn’t so insecure and has way more class than that. She never forgets where she came from and is always willing to help anyone who’s on their own fitness journey, or who’s interested in starting out.

I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that each and every one of the top-name fitness celebrities that I’ve personally met have been extremely friendly and generous with their time, advice and encouragement. It’s because they’re all true Alpha women.

Hopefully these 10 steps have given you something to think about. I’d like to think however that you don’t use them for labeling or judging others in the gym based upon their non-Alpha behavior. Alpha Fitness Chicks don’t do that.

Just work on yourself, work on improving each and every day and leave everyone else to do their own thing. We all travel our own path.

These 10 steps are by no means exhaustive, they’re just the top ones in my opinion. If you can think of any other points that define Alpha status behavior please mention them in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you!

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10 Steps To Becoming a Genuine Alpha Fitness Chick

Reaching Alpha status in the gym is no mean feat, and quite frankly, it’s not for everyone. You need to have “the right stuff”. And if you don’t have the right stuff, you need to get it, if you ever want to earn the position of Alpha Fitness Chick.

So what exactly does it mean to be an Alpha Fitness Chick?

Well, as you’ve probably figured, Alpha is the top of the heap. The Alpha Chick has 5 defining attributes when it comes to fitness, and life in general for that matter:

She’s a legit bad-ass in the gym

She oozes confidence

She walks to her own beat

She’s intimidated by no one

She’s a leader, not a follower

Now, even though some women (and men, for that matter) might reach Alpha status more quickly than others, anyone can get there, if they choose to put the work in.

That doesn’t mean though that everyone will get there. Some women just don’t have the drive and the passion for fitness to make it that serious a part of their life. And that’s fine. It doesn’t mean they’re any less of a person. Everyone has their own priorities and goals for their life and that’s to be respected.

Others however will never reach Alpha level in the gym simply because they get trapped at other levels, as you’ll see when you read on.

Here then are 10 steps to successfully becoming a genuine Alpha Fitness Chick, and avoiding getting stuck forever at Beta or less:

1. Intensity is Queen

If you seriously want to be Alpha, then you seriously need to work like it. The gym isn’t the place for leisure, complacency, stress relief, relaxation, or anything else other than working out with intensity. It’s where you pay your dues. There’s no free ride to Alpha status.

In her book, Thick Face, Black Heart, author Chin Ning Chu said:

“Character is not made of sunshine and roses. Like steel, it is forged in fire, between the hammer and the anvil.”

Whatever you happen to be doing in the gym, you should be doing it with intensity. Intensity not only develops your fitness and your physique, it forges your character and mental toughness. That’s what it takes to be an Alpha Fitness Chick.

Cardio bunnies in particular need to take note of this point. A daily leisurely session on the treadmill or elliptical is better than doing nothing at all, to be sure, but it won’t get you anywhere near Alpha level.

2. Lift Heavy

An Alpha Fitness Chick is strong, both mentally and physically. And she looks it.

5lb weights just aren’t going to achieve any of those things, no matter how many reps you do.

The bottom line is, if a woman is afraid of lifting heavy because she doesn’t want to get “too bulky”, she will never be Alpha. She’ll be forever trapped at Princess level, going through the motions with her tiny hand weights that will do nothing more than give her a false sense that she’s doing something.

Don’t be afraid of weight, and lots of it. That doesn’t mean getting under a bar you can’t cope with and risking hurting yourself. There’s nothing Alpha about a back brace. Of course, you have to work up to it safely and sensibly.

But the goal here is a mindset of constantly progressing with your weight and your strength. Constantly. You won’t get too big. On the contrary, you’ll get beautiful, toned feminine curves.

3. Mix it With the Boys

If you’re learning to fight, and you’re the strongest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room. In that room you’ll be doing the teaching, not the learning. If you want to learn and to grow, you want to be the weakest person in the room.

In the gym, you’re fighting against weakness. That means being mentally tough and not being intimidated. By anything or anyone.

So give the women’s section of the gym a miss. And walk right by the cushy, stylish machines. Get in amongst the guys and pick up some iron. At first you might feel a little uncomfortable and even intimidated. After all, you’ll be the weakest person in the room.

But that’s OK, work though it and you’ll grow. That’s how an Alpha mindset is forged.

Pretty soon you’ll feel right at home in the Alpha-est section of the gym, along with the raw, primal feel of the iron in your grip and the cold sound of clanging steel.

4. You’re on a Mission, Act Like it

An Alpha Chick is a leader, and a leader always has a plan of attack and knows what she’s doing.

When you head into the gym, make sure you have your workout plan with you. Know what your goal is and know exactly what you’re going to do to complete your mission. Then get in there, execute it, and leave.

Without this purpose and direction you’ll just be wandering around and winging it as you go. You’ll waste time and will most likely have a sub-par workout. You might have a good one here and there if you’re lucky, but this hit and miss approach is no way to get to Alpha status.

You need to smash it each and every time you show up, and that takes military planning and execution. Remember the British Army adage, the 7 P’s:

“Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.”

5. Challenge Yourself

You have your fitness goals and you know what you’re setting out to achieve. It might be muscle growth, fat loss, or whatever. Every now and then however, do something different – something uncomfortable and new. Just because. Just to prove to yourself that you can do it.

For example, if you’re working on strength and muscle growth, you’re probably working around 6-12 reps most days. Throw in a few 24-rep sets, or even 50 reps. That won’t target your physical strength, but your mental strength instead.

Your muscles will burn and you’ll be in pain. Failure won’t come from limitations of your muscles but from your mind deciding to quit.

Throwing yourself into the fire like this as a regular part of your program will toughen you and make a woman out of you. It will make you a true Alpha Fitness Chick.

6. BS is For Bro-Science

Part of being confident within yourself and with what you’re doing comes from knowledge. The Alpha Fitness Chick takes it upon herself to educate herself and understand not only what to do as part of her workout program, but also how and why.

This is particularly important for two reasons. Firstly, the gym is filled with “bros” who believe they know it all when it comes to fitness, but actually don’t. And secondly, a good number of these bros will take it upon themselves to do you the favor (as a clueless and vulnerable female) of enlightening you with their misguided opinions.

From my experience, it seems to be that the individuals who know the least are quite often also those who seem the quickest to offer their unsolicited help. Unless you’re confident enough in your own knowledge to stick to your convictions, these bros will quickly have you second-guessing yourself and chasing your tail in confusion.

Not very Alpha.

The best way to deal with unsolicited advice from strangers in the gym is to give them a courteous smile, a quick “Thanks, I’m good”, and to keep doing what you’re doing. The bottom line is everyone has an opinion and regardless of what you do, whether absolutely correct or imperfect, there will always be people who will think you’re not doing it right. Ignore them.

I’ve seen a number of top level fitness women doing exercises less than correctly in online videos. So what? They’re as Alpha as they come and their results speak for themselves regardless.

There’s a lesson there. Just do your best, keep doing your own thing, and forget what everyone else thinks.

7. Bars are For Socializing, Barbells are For Lifting

Nothing screams Beta level more than someone chit-chatting away in the gym, in person or on the phone, or texting, or posting to social media.

An Alpha Fitness Chick takes her gym time far more seriously than that. She doesn’t just dabble with her workouts or make them social events, she’s there to dominate. As I mentioned before, she’s on a mission, and would never allow such inconsequential distractions to interrupt her focus.

Enough said.

8. Forget Image, Let Your Guts Do the Talking

The Alpha Fitness Chick isn’t concerned with appearances. She doesn’t feel as though she needs to make a good impression or look good for anyone else. She has no fear or concern of being judged.

At the end of the day, if you’re working out with Alpha intensity then that will be making all the impression anyhow. In reality, Alpha Fitness Chicks are rare enough that if you’re working out like one, no one is going to be noticing what you wear anyhow. They’ll be too busy being impressed by YOU.

Don’t take that to mean you should intentionally dress down however. In a way, that’s just as bad, because either way you’re going out of your way to create an impression for people.

Just be yourself.

If dressing in brightly colored gym clothes is you, then do that. If you prefer to dress in black, dress in black and don’t worry about people thinking you look morbid. If your thing is having painted nails and even some jewelry, knock yourself out, and don’t be concerned with people thinking you’re too showy.

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you.

As I said, just be real about it. Genuineness and honesty are always very Alpha.

9. Don’t Try Too Hard

This is mostly the domain of male gym-goers, but women need to be aware of it too.

Trying to appear Alpha in the gym, by doing things such as lifting more weight than you can cope with, or intentionally making loud noises and dropping weights to draw attention to yourself, doesn’t fool anyone. On the contrary, it labels you as a “try-hard”.

A tiger doesn’t feel the need to show its strength, or to appear intimidating. It just goes about doing its own thing without regard for anyone else, and even so everyone respects it for what it’s capable of. The Alpha Fitness Chick is the same.

Some people are also under the impression that being rude to others and walking around with a constant scowl or a frown on their face makes them some kind of an intimidating bad-ass, and therefore Alpha. It doesn’t. Once again, it just makes them a try-hard.

They’re simply trying to project an image that isn’t genuine. They’re trying to impress. The Alpha Fitness Chick doesn’t try to impress anyone, but it just happens naturally anyhow.

Being friendly and civil to people in the gym doesn’t prevent you from reaching Alpha status. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly. There’s nothing wrong with a brief chat before or after your workout session, or even a friendly comment here or there in between sets. As long as you don’t let people take liberties and you limit your interactions so that they don’t interfere with your focus or what you’re doing, it’s all good.

10. Pay it Forward

The Alpha Fitness Chick is a leader, and a leader always serves as a positive role model and mentor when she can. Helping others on their fitness journey, whether it’s through advice or simply encouragement, is very Alpha behavior. Just be careful about giving advice that isn’t requested, however.

A try-hard feels the need to put herself on a pedestal above everyone else and so won’t give the time of day to anyone she sees as being beneath her.

An Alpha Fitness Chick isn’t so insecure and has way more class than that. She never forgets where she came from and is always willing to help anyone who’s on their own fitness journey, or who’s interested in starting out.

I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that each and every one of the top-name fitness celebrities that I’ve personally met have been extremely friendly and generous with their time, advice and encouragement. It’s because they’re all true Alpha women.

Hopefully these 10 steps have given you something to think about. I’d like to think however that you don’t use them for labeling or judging others in the gym based upon their non-Alpha behavior. Alpha Fitness Chicks don’t do that.

Just work on yourself, work on improving each and every day and leave everyone else to do their own thing. We all travel our own path.

These 10 steps are by no means exhaustive, they’re just the top ones in my opinion. If you can think of any other points that define Alpha status behavior please mention them in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you!

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10 Steps To Becoming a Genuine Alpha Fitness Chick Health and nutrition Source http://ift.tt/2xpnR5g