#but it’s pretty bare bones so let me know if you would prefer an ID

[findroleplay]

Hello! Im 20+ looking for others 20+ please!

Ive been in the mood lately for a plot based on the classic Pirate x Royalty trope!! I have a very loose idea in mind and would love to be able to plot out details about it all with you. Im mainly looking for FxF or MxM for this! Id prefer to have the royalty role BUT if youd prefer to play as the royalty, definitely let me know and we can absolutely talk about it and work something out!

The outline of an idea I had for the plot would be Your Character kidnaps mine either as revenge against the king and the kingdom for ransom (we can discuss details of why in DMs) or maybe simply for another reason entirely. My OC, while displeased about having been kidnapped, is weirdly relieved due to your OC doing so as it maybe has saved them from an arranged marriage they didnt want to be apart of, or maybe they simply just didnt enjoy the life of royalty and wanted a way out and your OC gave them that even if in a questionable and unintended way. Whether or not my OC stays relieved depends entirely on your OC and how you want them to treat mine! While I'd prefer a slow-burn sort of thing between our characters, possibly a mix of enemies to lovers and strangers to lovers, Im not dead set on it and don't mind if things go in a different direction entirely. Im absolutely open to other ideas as well so feel free to toss some my way too! Id love to hear any ideas youve got as well.

Another possible idea I had alongside this one is something with a Pirate x Pirate trope instead, maybe one of our OC's ships crashed in a storm and the other finds them and takes them aboard their own ship to help them? Maybe they have an enemies/rivals thing going on with one of them has something the other wants, so when one of them finds the other in the ruins of their ship, they hold them and what remains of their crew (if any) hostage until they give them what they want? Id also lean towards this one being a slow burn enemies to lovers sort of thing but just like with the previous idea, I dont mind if the idea goes a different route!

I know both of those ideas are pretty bare bones and simple right now but Id absolutely love to flesh out either idea with you, or even use a new idea entirely whether its an idea you may already have or if its a new idea we create together, Id love to hear any and all your thoughts and ideas!! Im also open to mixing AU's with these tropes too, so hit me with some if you have any youd want to use!!

Im honestly not looking for any NSFW right now so Id prefer to keep this SFW, so please keep this in mind!

That being said, I dont mind potential dark themes popping up considering some aspects of the plot all I ask is that we discuss everything beforehand first.

My writing style tends to be very lengthy by default but I will always try to match my partner to the best of my abilities! Please no one liners though, give me soemthing to work with! My availability fluctuates often so bare with me, I will always try my best to let you know beforehand if I wont be available for any given time.

I think thats it!! If you're interested, like this post and I will reach out!

-

[jockvillagersonly]

I’m rewatching a bit of TLTR for a screencap I need for another post and god I just ... forgot how heartbreaking this scene is? And how the Iron Triangle’s positions tell us so much about where their heads are at?

Wu Xie, sick in bed, centered under both the light and focus of the other two. Also: the repeated visual metaphor of barriers (the mosquito netting, his use of files to avoid looking at Pangzi) — fitting, given how he has been (and will continue to) cover up the severity of his illness, blocking even those who love him from the innermost reality of his body

Pangzi, devastated and pissed, probably more livid than he has other been. Yet still caring for Wu Xie in one of the few ways he can — and is it a coincidence that he picks up Wu Xie’s x-ray and examines it before this scene? That he comes face to face with the sheer scope of how beyond his mortal grasp Wu Xie’s condition is moments before this? Pangzi is a man of action being faced with something utterly terrifying: the slow death of someone he loves by something entirely outside of his control. And he’s mad, at Wu Xie and Wu Xie’s lungs and probably even Xiao-ge, but he is a man who will always grasp what he can do in both his hands. And for now, he can feed Wu Xie. It’s not enough, and it doesn’t touch the hurt deep inside him, but it’s a start.

Xiao-ge...oh Xiao-ge. Sentry on the edge as he so often is, but facing in this time instead of out. Both guarding and sharing in this moment of painful vulnerability. Xiao-ge has always know he would outlive Wu Xie — but who thought it would be like this?

[darthkruge]

Hi! I've seen that in your recent post you've been trying to make characters more gender neutral which I think is awesome! I'm gonna try and make my request gender neutral as well! I was wondering if you could do a criminal minds imagine (I'll let you choose the character that you wanna write it for cus I love Morgan, Hotch, and Reid equally) where the reader was taken by the unsub but they found her right before the unsub tried to (tw) k!ll the reader. If possible can the end be kinda fluffy♡

Spencer Reid x Reader ~ Maybe

Summary: The classic kidnapping fic where the reader is taken by the unsub and Spencer finds them. Fluffy, comfort-filled ending <3

Warnings: Angst, language, violence, blood, guns, knives, torture, near-death experience, kidnapping in general, (happy ending I promise)

Words: 2.2k

A/N: Hey!! I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me for taking so long to get to this!! And thank you for making your request gender neutral, too! That’s so thoughtful and sweet! And I decided to go with Spencer, although I also love them all. And yes the end will definitely be fluffy, as the angst with a happy/fluffy ending is basically my brand at this part. Thank you for requesting and, again, I’m so sorry for making you wait, I hope you like this!

You woke up and could only register pain. Well, pain and cold. Mind numbing, cuts to your bones, pierces your brain, cold. You tried to look around and get a sense of your surroundings but it was so dark; you could barely make out the shadows in the room, let alone any defining details.  

Judging by the old, dirty smell, you guessed you were in a barn or shed somewhere. You had no idea where; the asshole must have knocked you out. You’d been working the case for weeks. The team thought they found some DNA and were tailing the guy, but it didn’t pan out and, since then, the trail had basically been cold. But then you finally figured out what number to trace, cracked his encoded router, and got a license plate and ID. George Craig. On your way to tell the team, he had messed with your car and was able to jump you. Fuck, you hated him. 

Even so, you refused to give up. You had faith in your team and, most of all, you had faith in Spencer. Your brilliant, gorgeous boyfriend. You loved him more than anything and there was no one in the world you’d want on the case more than him. You knew the team was already looking for you, as it was only 10am when he got you and it was probably at least 7pm now, judging by the temperature and darkness. 

You tried to move your arms but your shoulders screamed in protest. You felt the chains around your legs and the handcuffs binding you to a pole above you. Judging from the pain, your shoulder was almost definitely dislocated. You were sitting at an awkward angle and could already feel your joints tightening. The frigid air definitely wasn’t helping, making your muscles contract and body stiff. 

“Hello, Agent L/N”

Your entire body stilled at that moment, sheer panic running through your veins. Stay calm, Y/N, stay calm. You tried to will air into your lungs, forcing deep breaths even though the terror was screaming at you to close up. You knew this man fed on fear and, thus, your best chance of survival was to pretend you were unphased. Even so, the logic felt severely discomforting with him standing above you, knife and gun in hand. 

“George. What the fuck do you want from me?” Your voice was venomous, the pure hate for him clearly pictured on your face. You decided that if an emotion was going to show, you preferred hate to fear. 

“My, my, my, look at you! I thought you were supposed to be smart. Or is that trait left for your boyfriend. Agent Reid, was it?”

Your blood ran cold. “Leave him out of this.”

“Ohhh, looks like I’ve hit a nerve, haven’t I?” The man had a horrifying smirk on his face, clearly enjoying your struggle. 

You glared at him. “You never answered my question”

“Oh, yes!” George chuckled, “What the fuck do you want from me?” He said, mimicking your voice mockingly. “To kill you, of course. To take you away from Spencer, from the team. To make them feel the pain of losing someone, just like I lost-” 

He trailed off and you saw his eyes burn with anger. And under that anger, you knew there was pain. Even so, you couldn’t feel bad for this man, regardless of who he’d lost. You knew that at the slightest hint of your empathy, he’d take advantage of it and kill you on the spot. 

“You know what? Death would be too easy for you. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be begging me to put you out of your misery. Then, and only then, will I shoot you. I will watch the blood run out of the bullet hole and smile, knowing the pain I caused you and your precious team.”

You wanted to cry, the fear pulling at you. Once again, you pushed it down and channeled your rage. Rage because you were in this situation. Rage because this man had ended so many lives. Rage because you were powerless right now. Rage because holy fuck your shoulder hurt. Gathering the fury, you spat at him. 

George’s mouth twisted into a sneer as he brought his leg up and slammed it into your chest. You heaved, the wind knocked out of you. Before you could grasp the air you so desperately needed, George kicked you again. And again. And again. You could feel the bruises forming, your ribs throbbing painfully.

He pulled his fist up and pummeled it into your cheek. Your left cheekbone busted open on impact and your lip split as he backhanded the other side of your face. He slammed the butt of his gun into your temple and your vision swayed, body crumpling as far in on itself as it could, given the restraints. 

He kicked at your legs repeatedly, both of them twisting at painful angles. You felt yourself start to black out, the pain unbearable. Every inch of your skin was ablaze, every muscle felt like it had been sledgehammered. Your bones ached, your body numb from his onslaught, the freezing cold, and the restrictive bonds you’d been in for hours. 

Finally, he took a moment to stop. He looked at you, at your barely conscious and recognizable state. You were beaten to a pulp, your face and body bloodied and broken. You could feel yourself wanting to give in but forced yourself to stay. For yourself, for Spencer, for the team. For that future you always talked about with him. For the house you were saving for, for the dogs and cats and animals you might one day get. For the family you might decide to have. For the idea of peace, you fought. 

George picked up the gun and pointed it at your head. A shot rang free and you braced yourself, a single tear running down your cheek as you realized you would never see your love again. Your ears rang and you felt like time had slowed. You knew the bullet would hit you. Until-

“Y/N, Y/N!” Your name was being called, the gentle yet panicked voice cutting through the ringing in your head. You tentatively opened your eyes and saw George’s body on the floor, blood oozing out of him. You slowly moved your eyes around, trying to take in your surroundings. 

Everything was overwhelming. Nothing was registering properly in your brain. It was just sounds filtering in an out, vision flickering. You felt like you were floating through the ringing in your ears. Tears ran down your cheeks as you shook. You didn’t know why you were shaking. The cold. The shock, you reasoned. Both seemed likely. It was like there was an overwhelming sense of calm. Your body was shutting down. Somehow, this gave you understanding. 

You felt the handcuffs around your wrists release and your arms dropped limply. You knew you should feel pain from your dislocated shoulder but, instead, you just let your eyes closed and felt your body fall. The last thing you remembered was coming into contact with a Kevlar vest, messy brown hair, and a familiar sense of warmth. 

When you awoke, you felt yourself being gently jostled. Your eyes slowly opened and you took in him. Spencer was looking at you, concern evident on his features.

“Hi.” You said, voice hoarse. 

“Hi, angel. Let’s get you inside, alright?”

You nodded, allowing him to help support your weight as you stepped out of the car. You leaned heavily into him, your legs badly injured. Spencer wrapped his arm snug around your waist as the two of you slowly but surely made it into your shared apartment. 

He helped you sit on the couch before moving to join you. 

“I’m surprised they let you take me home. I thought I’d wake up in a hospital, for sure.”

“They did take you there, love. You were at the hospital for a few hours but you were in and out of consciousness. You’ll heal, don’t worry. A few broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, severe bruising, sprains on your legs and ankles.”

“Plus a busted face” You add drily.

 Spencer wasn’t amused by your attempt at sarcasm. Instead, he just pushed your hair behind your ear and leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should have gotten there sooner, I should have been with you! If I was there, if I was quicker-”

“Spencer, please don’t blame yourself for this! No one could have known. Besides, you saved me. And I’m not just talking about that in the literal sense. When he was beating me, when I was broken down, I thought of you.  I thought of our future, our dream. Holding onto that is the only reason I didn’t give up.”

Spencer’s eyes were filled with tears as he went to gently cup your face. He couldn’t find the words to express the love and relief he felt. “I’m just glad you’re back in my arms” 

You moved to hug him but winced. Even though the doctors had patched you up pretty well, the soreness and pain lingered and probably would continue like that for at least the next couple of days. 

“Hey, it’s alright. Let’s go to bed. I think you’ll feel better once you lay down, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.” You followed him into the room, holding his hand the entire time. Spencer noticed but didn’t mind, he knew you were just looking for comfort, exceedingly normal for what you’d just gone through. 

You laid down, settling against the pillows and fluffy blankets Spencer had prepared for you. 

“Do you need anything, baby?”

“Water?”

“Of course.” He smiled at you before moving to get up but you quickly grabbed his hand, panic overtaking you at the thought of being alone. You looked at him helplessly, hoping your gaze would convey the words that died on your tongue. 

Spencer nodded knowingly. He helped you out of bed, pulling you along with him as the two of you went to the kitchen. He wordlessly got you the drink, making sure to keep touching you the entire way. Finally, you made it back and the both of you crawled into bed. You laid on your uninjured shoulder, placing your cheek on Spencer’s chest. His arm came around you, holding you to him and drawing soothing circles into your skin. 

You closed your eyes and were immediately sent back to the shed. You tensed, pulling back. Spencer caught on and looked deeply into your eyes. “You’re safe now, Y/N. He can’t get to you anymore.”

“I know. Rationally, I know. But my brain won’t shut off. It’s like, whenever I’m not actively thinking about something else or looking at something else or hearing something else, it just comes back. Spence, I can’t- I can’t sleep. I just, I’m sure it’ll come back to me tonight.” Your voice broke, tears spilling onto your cheeks. “I don’t think I can handle reliving it and I’m so fucking exhausted. But I can’t rest because I can’t escape the nightmares.”

Spencer wanted so badly to comfort you but didn’t know what he could do. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t take the pain away. He wished he could put the trauma onto himself but, unfortunately, he was powerless. Thus, he offered understanding. He gave validation. He gave kindness and pure, nonjudgmental love. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m here for you and I know that doesn’t do much right now but I am. I’ll be here when the nightmares come and I’ll be here when the flashbacks try and drag you under. I’ll be here when the trauma starts to fade but suddenly reappears and I’ll be here 20 years from now, when the memory will still be real and painful but not all-consuming. I’ll be here forever, I’ll be here always. Please, tell me what to do to help you.” Spencer begged, hoping beyond all hope that there was something he could do to ease your suffering.

“Read to me?”

“Wha- what?”

“Read to me.” You repeated, more assured this time. “I’m thinking that if I can hear your voice, maybe it’ll drown out my brain. Or something. I don’t know. I just want to hear your voice, it’s soothing. Please?”

Spencer was taken aback. He didn’t think something so simple could help you. He didn’t know his sheer presence brought you that much serenity. “Yeah, of course. Of course! Yeah, any preference?”

“Not really. Whatever’s here?”

“Okay, love.” Spencer picked up his current read and began in the middle. You felt the rumble of his chest, the vibrations of his voice and felt more at ease. The anxiety was still there, the panic never far away. And yet, curled into him, his breath tickling your ear, his body warming yours, it suddenly felt alright. Like maybe you hadn’t gone through some life-altering trauma. Or maybe you had but your life wasn’t over because of it. Maybe you’d heal. Maybe, if you could find a moment of peace now, you’d find more later. Maybe? Yeah, You thought. You could work with maybe.

--

i just made a taglist so if you want to join, go ahead!

tags: 

@saltybreaddream

[spookydrreid]

Smut, numbers:44, 45, 47

44: I think we just found a new kink.

45 I always hated spankings as a child.

47 id rather have your hands around my throat, but the necklace will do

Anniversary

Prompt list can be found here

CW: mutual masturbation, spanking, slight degradation (?)

…

Spencer and I’s marriage was anything but boring.

In fact, we had a lot of fun together. Kinky, sloppy, sexy fun.

Sure, he was dominant and I followed almost all of his rules without a complaint, but tonight I was feeling bratty. I always hated spankings as a child, but now I looked for every excuse for Spencer to give me one. I cant explain why, but I would push his buttons just so he’d bend me over his knee and make it hard for me to sit the next day.

“Baby, I bought you something,” He cooed from his spot on the bed. We were just coming home from our five year anniversary date and I’d really been pushing it. Between talking back, teasing him under the table, telling him no and not calling him by his preferred title, I was walking on thin ice.

“You did?!” I loved gifts. Give a gift and I’ll be putty in your hand. And it didn’t even have to be bought, give me a rock because it reminded you of me and I’m melting.

Spencer handed me a long blue box. THE blue box. I carefully pulled the bow, opening up the most beautiful necklace I’d ever seen. It no doubt cost him a fortune but damn it was pretty.

“Shall I put it on you?” He took the necklace from its box and moved to put it around my neck.

“I’d rather have your hands around my throat, but the necklace will do.” I murmured, swallowing down the giggle that threatened to escape. Spencer froze, necklace half clasped around my neck.

He picked up where he left off before spinning me around and pinning me against the wall, “you just don’t know when to quit huh? Huh?!”

I smirked in my head, I had him right where I wanted him. I gave him my best puppy dog eyes as I said, “I’m so sorry, Spence. I promise I’ll behave.”

His hand snaked its way around my throat, his fingers squeezing the sides of it as he got as close as he could without kissing me. “If I recall, you promised that last time. Didn’t you?”

I nodded and he shot me a sick, sadistic smirk. “Strip.” I did as he asked, peeling my dress off faster than I ever had before. My eyes followed him as he took a seat on the chair he uses to punish me in. I was practically vibrating with excitement as he beckoned me over with one finger.

I stood in front of him, waiting for his next instruction. He large hands flipped me over his lap, my face resting on one of his thighs while my pelvic bone rested on the other. His hand slid my panties down my legs and his hand came to rub my ass that would be sore tomorrow.

“Do you know why you’re being punished, doll?”

His hand came down on my ass, hard. I yelped as he rubbed the spot and waited for me to answer, “fuck. B-because I was bad and didn’t listen.”

Another smack, this time to the other side. “And what happens to bad little girls?”

I cried out as his hand connected to the skin once more. I knew by now I was soaked, and if he dared touch me I’d be coming in no time. But that wasn’t what was about to happen, “t-they get punished.” I was enjoying this way more than I probably should, but as he slapped me ass two more times in quick succession, I let out a deep moan.

He sat me up, unclasping my bra and telling me to get on the bed. But he stayed seated, only shifting to pull out his cock while I sat on my sore ass. I looked at him confused as his hand moved up and down.

“Get a pillow.” I reached behind me, grabbing a pillow we barely use. “Now get yourself off.” My mouth dropped open in shock at his request. I had to get myself off? I hadn’t done that in years.

I shot Spencer a pleading look that almost always worked. But he didn’t budge, “bad girls don’t get cock in their pussies. Now take or leave it. I don’t care either way.”

I folded the pillow in half before straddling it. Spencer watched me intently as I started moving my hips. I gasped at the feeling of the soft fabric rubbing against my clit. No, it wasn’t my husband’s dick or hands, but fuck did it feel good.

I let out a deep moan, my hips moving faster as I watched Spencer’s hand get faster. “That’s a good girl,” he praised, “see its not that hard to follow my directions hmm?”

“N-no,” I said breathlessly. I was fucking close and so was he.

“Cum for me, y/n.” And so I did, my orgasm hitting me hard and fast as I moved my hips faster, riding out my orgasm. Spencer wasn’t far behind me, spilling into his hand as he watched me come undone.

Once we’d both calmed down and spencer had cleaned me up and put lotion on my sore bottom, we cuddled up in bed, tangled together in a heap of blankets and limbs. I listened to the beating of Spencers heart, one of my favorite sounds, as my eyes got heavy.

Spencer kissed my head and then giggled, saying, “I think we just found a new kink.”

I giggled as well, “I liked that. Happy anniversary baby.” I turned my head up, puckering my lips and silently asking for a kiss.

Spencer listened, leaning down and giving me a long, sensual smooch, “Happy anniversary, princess.”

[sapphire-strikes]

Jimothen would absolutely take FK and Parsley camping! Since Dallas drives out, I can't imagine he'd pass a chance to tag along - and I imagine Parsley would be more willing if FK was there. His dad is a lot and everyone know it! Manly camping!!!

I just want to say thank you so much for this request I had a lot of fun with it!

• Out of all the father son bonding time Parsley is forced into, camping is his least favorite. He's not a very outdoorsy person at all. The bugs, the burnt food, sleeping on the ground; it's not exactly his idea of a good time and Jimothan's insistence on roughing it as much as possible only makes it worse.

• Jimothan proudly brought up their upcoming yearly trip at the Lounge one day and you mentioned that you hadn't been in a while and that camping sounded like a lot of fun. This immediately caught Parsley's attention and he was quick to suggest you come along with them.

• Jimothan was surprisingly okay with this idea as well. He'd always been so insistent on it being a father-son trip but he was already proudly blustering on about showing you how to pitch a tent "the right way".

• Parsley on the other hand was just happy to have someone to suffer with. And who knows, his dad might even tone it down a notch with you around. He almost felt bad, you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

• A few days later while hanging out with Dallas you mentioned getting to tag along with them and he congratulated you, wistfully mentioning how much he loved group camping trips. A few minutes later and you're making a call to Parsley asking if there was room for one more

• Jimothan remembered Dallas from their time at the Habitat but overall didn't know much about the guy besides what he usually orders at the bar.

"I don't know, the kid's one thing but we only have so much room in the truck. You ever been camping before, son?"

"Allll the time, daddy-O~ The mystique of the forest really scratches the id, y'know? Makes for a excellent atelier~"

"What in the sam hill does that-"

"He goes there to paint." You clarified "Oh and don't worry about space! We can just take Dallas's bus, he's got plenty of room."

Dallas flashed Jimothan the "OK" symbol and though he still looked reluctant, Parsley was already on board and looking more excited about going camping than he had in a long time.

"I'm just happy I don't have to ride in the bed of the pickup this year." Parsley sighed in relief.

"Oh don't complain. I always tell you; the Breeo X Series 19 Firemaster has to sit up front with me for safe keeping."

• When it comes to actually camping, Jimothan is old fashioned but impressively efficient. When you pick out a spot and begin unpacking your things he's already working on setting up the tents and starting a fire. Fishing, hiking, rock climbing, he tries to fit in as many outdoorsy activates into the weekend as possible. .

• Dallas takes a much more relaxed approach to camping. He brings a lot of modern amenities and prefers to sleep in his bus instead of out in the open. Spending most of his free time finding a good place to set up a temporary studio and painting

• Much to Jimothan's dismay, Parsley latches onto this laid back approach to camping and ends up spending most of his time with Dallas.

"C'mon, Pars, Marv told me the lake north of here is full of biters!"

"Uh, thank, dad...but I'll have to pass for today. Dallas and I are gonna go swimming though, so maybe I'll see you up by the stream?" Parsley was awkwardly dancing around his dad's enthusiasm and you weren't blind to the dejection and annoyance that was building in Jimothan's eyes every time Dallas stepped in to join one of their activities or offer an easier alternative to Jimothan's bare bones way of camping.

• Dallas really was just doing his best to be friendly even going out of his way to strike up conversation with Jimothan despite the older man's gruff attitude.

• Considering that Parsley never shared his love of camping, Jimothan gets pretty excited if you show interest in what he's working on or ask him to assist you with something. Though he does tend to take over and show you how to do it as opposed to just helping.

• You do your best to keep him from feeling left out but unfortunately this backfires and now you're the one he's waking up at 5am to go hiking. You had to admit you felt bad for him but you were beginning to understand what Parsley meant about his dad being a lot to handle. Still, it's actually kind of sweet. He really does just want someone to share a common interest with and pass all his tricks onto. He just lacked basic communication skills.

• Speaking of Parsley, he seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself this time around. He got along really well with Dallas, even modeling in front of the sunset for him at one point.

Unfortunately Jimothan’s over eagerness begins to wear on you and you find yourself tempted by the dark side. "You sure you don't want to stick around? Dallas is gonna show me how to make dream catchers." Parsley asked, scooting over to make room for you near the fire.

"I probably shouldn't. Jimothan already asked me if I wanted to go rock climbing with him."

"Rock climbing? You mean on that 30ft tall cliff by the waterfall? You nodded wearily. "Yeah, he already tried to get me to go too, buddy system and all that. But I get forced into that stuff every year. Missing it this one time won't hurt him."

"I don't know, he seemed pretty excited." Just as you were struggling with your decision Dallas emerged from his bus holding an assortment of crafting supplies.

"Heyy, little buddy, are you going to be joining us? I've got some pressed flowers you could use for yours, it'll fit your aesthetic perfectly~" Before you could answer, Parsley pulled you down to sit beside him.

"You bet they are!" Okay, maybe a quick crafts break wouldn't hurt.

• Before you knew it three hours had passed and you were doing outdoors yoga alongside Dallas and Parsley with flowers braided into your hair. The serene atmosphere only being broken by Jimothan stomping into camp. He was soaking wet and looked like he had taken quite the tumble. The annoyed look on his face only reconfirmed this theory.

"So...how was rock climbing?" Parsley asked nervously. The only response any of you received was a furrowed brow before he angrily retreated into the tent to change.

• After a bit of time he eventually returned and went about readying the camp for dinner. It was beginning to get dark so you, Dallas and Parsley were sitting on the top of the bus watching the stars. The view was nice but there was just one thing missing.

"Hey, Jimothan, you should get up here, the views amazing!" Parsley seemed to catch onto what you were doing and followed your lead.

"They're right ya know. It is pretty cool up here." Parsley seemed to finally have caught his attention and he looked to actually be considering it for a second but shook his head.

"Nah, you kids have fun. I need to get this fire started." There was a hint of sadness to his voice as he went back to smacking his wet flint and steel together. They must have been in his pocket when he took his tumble down the waterfall.

Dallas leaned over the railing at the top of the bus. "There's no need for that, my guy. If you can't get that started I've got a microwave in the back, we can have Pad Thai." He seemed to be trying to raise the mood but Jimothan didn't offer his addition so much as a glance. He did however huff and begin smacking the flint and steel together much more aggressively.

You and Parsley gave each other a worried glance but it was interrupted by Dallas placing a hand on each of your shoulders. He winked and seemed to be giving you a look that implied, 'let me handle this', before effortlessly vaulting over the railing and sliding down the side of the bus.

Without missing a beat he kneeled down beside Jimothan and pulled put a ligher. Quickly flicking it alight and holding it beside the piece of newspaper he was trying to start the fire with. "I feel you though, nothing like cooking over a real fire, right?"

• Jimothan looked at him in awe for a moment and Dallas just gave him a friendly smile. Then Jimothan threw down his flint and steel, stood up and marched off into the forest.

Parsley slapped a hand to his forehead and slouched backwards, "Oh boy..." You scrambled down the ladder to stand beside Dallas who was still staring in the direction Jimothan had stormed off in.

"Did I say something wrong?" He looked at you worriedly but before you could answer Parsley slid down the ladder to stand beside you.

Nah, not really. He's just...not good with change."

• Jimothan goes pretty quiet after that, eventually returning to huffily chop wood not far from the camp. After a bit you offer to go talk to him but Parsley steps up insisting that he should be the one to do it.

• You and Dallas sit by the fire, just barely being able to make out their shapes as they talked off in the distance. You couldn't hear what they were saying but just watching their silhouettes interact told the whole story.

• Jimothan seemed to be ignoring him for a while until Parsley picked up an axe and started chopping alongside him. There was an obvious struggle on Parsley's part that was enough to catch Jimothan's attention and soon he moved to show him how to do it properly. Adjusting the wood on the chopping block, showing him how to hold the axe right and demonstrating the proper chopping motion. He then stepped back to let Parsley try again, giving a small applause as he successfully split a log down the middle.

There a moment of stillness as Parsley seemed to be speaking then he walked forward and hugged his dad. Jimothan froze for a moment then hugged him back. They stayed like that for a bit and you almost wished you could have heard what they were talking about.

• Not long after that Parsley came walking back into the light with Jimothan close behind him. There was a clear bit of awkward tension in the air but Dallas was the first to stand up and apologizes for having done anything that may have upset him. This was enough to get Jimothan to speak up, and he insisted that Dallas had nothing to be sorry for.

"You're here as a guest. I'm sorry for causing a scene. If Parsley happy doing..." He vaguely motioned to Dallas's bus, "whatever it is you've been doing... then maybe I need to open up a bit"

Parsley was smiling at him proudly but he raised a hand, "Just a bit though!"

• The next morning all four of you went spear fishing then later that evening Dallas set up a projector and you had a little horror movie marathon. You even got Jimothan to make a dream catcher. It was a disastrous collage of fish hooks and rocks but he seemed proud of it so you hung it up with the others.

• Dallas plays the acoustic guitar and Jimothan plays the Banjo and as it turns ou the two of them have a mutual love of campfire songs. You're forever grateful to Parsley for thinking ahead and bringing an extra pair of noise canceling headphone for you because those two go on for hours. Seeing them both go all out together is incredibly sweet though.

• When it comes time to pack up and leave Jimothan offers Dallas a hand shake but Dallas goes straight for the hug. Leaving Jimothan to give him an awkward pat on the back as he half returned it.

• Parsley has already assured you that you're definitely coming next year, no exceptions. And who knows, they might even make it a tradition to start bringing some of the others as well.

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! Chapter 4

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 4 “Shifting Sand Land” out now!

AO3 Link

Illumi had always feared that one day he might inherit any of his mother's illnesses. It wasn't out of the question, and he considered himself lucky that no ailment had reared its head so far into his life.

"Do I look as good as how I feel, darling?"

Until now.

Suddenly it felt like years of sickness had caught up with him, spun his head around and made his stomach curl.

It was a coincidence that this sickness would appear the second he laid eyes on Hisoka, wearing the suit that was fitted just for him.

It was a coincidence that he looked like all those marble statues in museums, sculpted in the image of gods and lovers.

It was a coincidence that this sickness could be swallowed and repressed like any measly feeling he had ever encountered.

"I told you to wear a shirt, maggot."

And the symptoms disappeared.

But the disease didn't.

 ----------------------------------------------------

Gon: Killua?

It had been quite a while since Killua had responded to any of Gons messages. Well, it had been about 2 hours. But compared to their normal pace of slinging messages at each other any passing minute, this felt like an eternity to the young boy.  He wondered if he had done anything to upset his friend, though their last conversation was just usual banter about breakfast, snacks, and the new battle pass.

He fidgeted in his seat a bit more, the classwork Aunt Mito had supplied him with almost entirely forgotten. The now broken routine made his bones itch, but the attempt of any distraction just made him fear he'd miss when Killua would finally come back.

So, he waited.

He even started half-heartedly filling out the math quiz that had been taunting him from the corner of the desk, though he always glanced back at the computer screen.

Question number 27: (X-3)²-25= 0

Ping

Gon wasn't sure what to do first; Be thankful that finally Killua replied or be thankful that he found an escape from this hell called math.

Kil: Yo.

GON: Hey!!! Are you okay? :O

Kil: Yeah, whats up?

He was obviously not okay. But Gon knew that pressing the issue wouldn’t make things better, though if he pretended like everything was alright would just be an issue bottled up.

GON: Do you wanna play some Fortnite Duos maybe? We can try grinding for the new tiger costume you like :D

Kil: cant

Kil: my mom took my fucking PC away in attempt to become mother of the year

GON: :( im sorry!! But im sure she’ll give it back soon, right?

Kil: fat chance, I probably have to wait till my brother comes back from his stupid trip

Gon tilted his head in thought. This has probably been the longest Killua had ever talked about his family with him. Up to this point it had only been passing remarks about siblings whose actions and personalities melted into each other due to lack of discernible unique traits, and that his family was rich.

GON: How long is that going to be?

GON: Maybe your mom will calm down and change her mind <:(

Kil: lmao, maybe if id actually study now shed be satisfied enough

Kil: but theres no way in hell im going to give her what she wants

Kil: ESPECIALLY NOW

GON: So whatre you going to do??

Kil: idk

Kil: talk to you and think about how to set fire to this place?

 The young boy smiled, though for some reason he could feel a knot tighten in his chest.

 GON: How about only talking to me for now?

 And they talked. For a couple of hours, they talked about Gons new streaming schedule, about how he wanted to have one dedicated day in the week solely for collaborations. They talked about a new exploit for Super Mario Sunshine that could potentially scrap 10 seconds off of the current World record if executed correctly. They talked about how Leorios medical-student VLOG channel had been trending again after he made a hypocritical video about the damages of energy drinks.

Kil: he could have at least cleaned the infamous pyramid out of frame…

GON: Haha he said that in hindsight too

GON: But I think it was his boyfriend who finally made him clean it up -v-“

Kil: must be nice to have someone living with you who gives a shit

Kil: I think at this point the housekeeper hasn’t even touched the minefield that’s my brothers room in months

GON: It can’t be that bad :”D

Kil: you bet?

Kil: what do you think, how much chip dust is needed for an anime figure to come to life?

The mental image of Killuas home slowly shifted in Gons mind again. A large mansion, bedrooms as big as some apartments, with individual housekeepers for everyone. And one room dedicated to imitating a postapocalyptic anime merch shop.

And somewhere in that large mansion, is a room probably equipped with a messy bed, a (now empty) desk and gaming chair, maybe some shelves with books and games. In the middle of it a slightly blurry figure, maybe a bit shorter than Gon, pale skin and messy hair and piercing bright eyes.

He had seen pictures of Killua, a handful of selfies taken at his desk, one picture his sister (who he’d mention the least from his mysterious family) had taken of him in front of a rose bush. And no matter how dimly lit the picture would be, or out of focus, or taken from a distance; His eyes were always the first thing Gon would focus on. At first, he was convinced that he was using a filter, there’s no way someone in real life would have eyes like that.

But Killua did. Killua hid electricity behind those eyes, dangerous and yet enticing, beaming with a life energy that can barely be contained. Gon had heard poems and songs about blue eyes, though none of them ever came close to describing eyes like these. Or the feeling Gon would get from looking at them, tingling in his fingertips, making him smile and giggle and stomp his feet. Kind of like getting a victory royale.

Gon has other friends besides Killua. But none ever made him feel the same way when they talked. He craved no one’s presence as much as he craved Killuas. And something inside him felt the constant urge to tell Killua that, to tell him how much he meant to him, what’s so amazing about him, how he didn’t want this friendship to end.

But that’s just not something friends would tell each other unprompted, and it’s not something that could easily told to Killua, who danced around the word “friends” as if it were a dangerous animal. So, he didn’t say anything.

 Kil: gon?

Kil: did you fall asleep?

GON: No haha, I was just thinking about how huge your house must be!!

Kil: yeah its huge and ugly, sometimes way too loud, sometimes really fucking quiet

Kil: im sure it must be nicer in your home

GON: I mean, it is pretty nice, but its also a little lonely I think

GON: All my friends live closer to the city, so usually no one is around to just come outside and hang out :^T

Kil: if I could id fly over right now and you could show me all the gross spiders that rule your continent with 8 iron fists

GON: They aren’t gross!! Spiders are really fun once you get to know them :^D

GON: And you know, you’d always be welcome here, Aunt Mito would be thrilled to meet you ^^

And Gon meant it. Though Killua never let too much slip of his family life and surroundings, Gon could tell it was trouble, and he deeply wished he could give Killua even just a one-day break from whatever went down in that mansion.

Kil: since we are both home schooled, we wouldnt even need to wait for summer break or anything

GON: Right :^D And its not like either of us are big on studying either ^^”

Gon glanced briefly at the disregarded Math work and shuddered.

Kil: you mean it, right?

Kil: if I were to text you some time that im at an airport and im coming over, you wouldnt let me be stranded somewhere on your prison continent, right?

GON: Of course not!!!

GON: … but I’d prefer it if you give a heads up so I can clean my room :^D

Kil: thanks gon, I appreciate it

Kil: i appreciate you

Gon felt his heartrate skyrocket. Of course he’d let Killua stay, even if he rang at his door without any prior notice. Because even if it goes unsaid, Killua was his friend. Maybe even his best friend. And he’d do anything to keep him safe, or to just give him one minute that he doesn’t have to think about his family. He wanted to see those blue eyes reflect the Australian sun, free of worry and tension.

GON: I appreciate you, too

[stellalux-universe]

Without You

Summary: It was just a stupid fight, that's all it was. But when your passion runs as high as theirs does, sometimes that's all it takes to rip you apart. The real question is, are you brave enough to try again?

Hello!

This is my first Crüe fic and I was so excited to write it because I adore Tommy and Nikki together but then I started writing and what was supposed to be like 8,000 words max grew out of my control because it seems I'm incapable of writing anything short.

So what was the end result? Nearly 50 damn pages of angst and sadness and emotion. A little happy, fun stuff here and there too, but still!

In any case, a couple of things to know, this story is set in an au where hair metal is seeing it's heyday in the current year, so modern timeline and it is A/B/O because I have been dying to explore writing with omega!Tommy and alpha!Nikki. Hopefully I did it some justice. Also, the timeline skips back and forth between 2018 and 2019, all of the past is in italics just in case you miss the date change!

This is also posted on my AO3 under StellaLux if you would prefer to read it there! I just thought, “maybe some people are on tumblr but not AO3? What the hell, I’ll post it tumblr to get like 2 notes just for kicks!”

Enjoy!

~May 15th, 2019~

In retrospect, Tommy supposes that this entire situation was his own damn fault.

Not that he would ever say that out loud. Introspective contemplation of his past choices and mistakes have never really been his style. In his experience, such things only led to a tortured mind and put you into a depressive mood and that was definitely not his vibe. He couldn’t go back in time to change anything, so he may as well not worry about it anymore.

Even still, he has to admit that if he hadn’t been so bone dead tired a day ago after not only a photo shoot but also a reshoot on top of that because the fucking photographer hadn’t liked the fucking lighting, he probably wouldn’t be in this mess.

Because then, when Tom had called to beg him to attend this party for the band he had just signed, he would have had the wit to ask the most basic but important question, “Which band is it?”

But Zutaut had called him right after he had changed into his street clothes. Right after shooting from 5 in the fucking morning to 6 in the evening, when he was ready to go home, crawl into bed and not wake up for a full 24 hours. Tom was lucky he had even answered honestly. When his phone rang, Tommy had looked at it with nothing short of absolute disgust and had wanted so badly to just ignore him.

Tom Zutaut wasn’t a person that people had hard line opinions about. Despite having a cool job that usually got people’s attention, the newest producer at Elektra records was, to put it as nicely as possible, an absolute fucking bore. He was the epitome of a brown paper bag, plain and bland, the kind of person who was just… there. Tommy didn’t particularly like him, but he didn’t dislike him either.

Had Tom been anyone else, Tommy would have declined the call and continued unencumbered with his plan to get home as soon as possible to pass out. But it was Tom, and despite thinking the producer was probably the most yawn-inducing individual he had ever met, Tommy couldn’t ignore him and the reason was simple. Tommy owed Tom. He owed him a lot.

Tom had come into his life when Tommy was at his lowest; he had just broken up with the man that he was pretty sure was meant to be his mate, was forced to leave his new, fledgling band that he was in love with, and was living on a friend’s couch. Tom had seen him at a party one night and after talking for just a few minutes had gotten him a role as an extra in a music video. That cameo had caught the eye of an up and coming photographer and landed him his first photoshoot and that photoshoot had landed him a 5 year contract with a pretty big modeling company. It wasn’t necessarily what Tommy had envisioned for his life, but it paid the bills for a nice apartment, a nice car, and a fairly glamorous lifestyle so he couldn’t really complain.

And he couldn’t ignore Tom, who had put everything in motion for him.

~May 14th, 2019~

Tommy feels like crying when his phone rings. He’s so damn tired and he barely has enough in him to drive himself home, let alone entertain a conversation but the caller id says it’s Tom and despite not typically caring to follow the rules of social niceties, Tommy would feel bad about ignoring the other man who has helped him so much. So he picked up reluctantly and threw himself down into a chair in his stylist’s dressing room so he could at least sit through whatever banality that Zutaut had to throw at him.

“Hey Tom.”

“Tommy! You are exactly who I wanted to talk to!” Tom’s voice is higher than normal and overly happy. The tone is familiar to Tommy, it’s the tone the other man takes when he’s about to ask for a favor that he’s going to wheedle him into doing by throwing the fact that Tommy owes him in his face.

Tommy sighs, eyes drooping as he tapped the fingers of his right hand against his jean clad legs to a beat of a song in his head, “Yeah, I figured, you know, since it was me you called.”

Tom gives a nervous chuckle and when he speaks again, his words are stilted and hesitant like they always are when he tries to cash in his IOUs, “Yeah, I guess that’s true. Well, uhh, I kind of need a favor.”

“Uh huh.” Tommy responded, eyes falling shut against his will as he waited for Tom to continue.

“You see, I just signed this band, and it’s my first major signing and they’re going to be fucking awesome Tommy, like seriously, they’re going to be huge and they’re right up your alley. Like, for real Tommy, you would love them, they’re so cool-“

“Tom, please, for the love of god. I’m literally like a minute from fucking passing out here, please just tell me what you want.” Tommy interrupts as he gets up to start walking to his car. He’s not paying much attention anyway so he may as well multitask.

“Oh shit, yeah, you had a job today. Hope that went well, I saw that stuff you did for Gucci last season. I don’t know much about that stuff but you looked great-”

“TOM!” Tommy growls into the phone, startling some of the people in the hallway. Tommy waves an apologetic hand and flashes a smile and they laugh and shake their heads at him.

“Yeah, okay, so here’s the thing, we’re throwing them this signing party to celebrate and introduce them to other people at the company and I really need some cred with these guys Tommy, so they’ll respect me-”

“You got them a record deal Tom, that’s not enough for them to respect you?” He rolls his eyes as he pushes his way out of the back door, waving to the security guard and walking over to where he parked his car.

“These guys are crazy Tommy, the first time I sat down to talk to them, they had a woman underneath the table who tried to surprise blow me!”

Despite his exhaustion and the fact that he’s barely listening, Tommy snorts out a laugh at that because that’s fucking hilarious. Thinking about a straight laced guy like Zutaut in a situation like that… his reaction had probably been priceless. He gets exactly what Tom is getting at now. The type of wildness that comes with that kind of activity, those guys probably see Tom as a fucking doormat.

Which he is, but still.

“And what do you think I can do about this Tom?”

“Well, you see, I was thinking that if I show up at the party with a gorgeous omega model, maybe it will earn me a little bit of credibility.”

Tommy groans as he opens his car door and slides in. He could honestly probably afford a driver and right about now that sounded like heaven but there was something he absolutely adored about driving around LA and he didn’t want to give that up just to be boujee and lazy.

“So you want to use my looks and profession to make a good impression on some wild rock stars? I really don’t know how much of an impact I’ll have Tom.”

“Tommy. Seriously. Have you seen you? You’re literally one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen and I work with a ton of attractive people. You literally just did a campaign with Gucci last season. You’re the perfect blend of ridiculously sexy and cool that these guys will appreciate! If I walked into the party with you on my arm, it’d be a good start to getting them to listen to me a little bit more.”

Tom’s voice is plaintive, almost whiny and the flattery would be nice if the beta didn’t say it in such a matter of fact way. That was part of the problem with Zutaut, Tommy thought. There wasn’t an ounce of passion in the man. Everything was a calculation, everything had a purpose, and Tommy’s attractiveness was just something to be used. It made him a fairly shrewd businessman and definitely contributed to why he was able to make producer at such a young age, but it was also the reason for the current predicament he was in. With his wild rock star clients not giving two shits about what he said because he was such a damn square.

Tommy starts the engine and there’s a brief pause in their conversation as his phone pairs with his car’s system and then Tom’s voice comes back, “Please Tommy. Last favor, I swear. We’re even-steven after this.”

That was familiar, Tommy’s pretty sure Zutaut has said that the last four times he has asked for favors. Still, it was just a party and Tommy was still a sucker for parties. And honestly, if it ended this conversation so Tommy could focus on driving himself home to sleep, he’d agree to anything.

“Fine.”

“Awesome! Thanks Tommy, this is going to help me so much, you have no idea. Try to look your best okay? Like total knockout. The party is on-”

Tommy sighs in frustration for what has to be the billionth time that day and cuts the beta off as he continues to prattle on, “I’m hanging up on you now Zutaut. I need to focus on driving so I don’t fall asleep at the wheel and crash. Just text me the damn details.”

And with that, Tommy presses end.

Tom texts him as soon as he hangs up to tell him that he would pick him up at 7pm the next night and to remind him in a completely blatant way to “dress up”. Tommy guesses that’s Zutaut’s way of asking him to dress slutty to appeal to a bunch of rock stars and he immediately regrets agreeing to go at all. Tom is generally annoying to be around for any extended length of time and it grates on his nerves when people treat him like he’s only worth having around to ‘look good’. It comes with the territory when your job is built around your physical appearance, but that doesn’t mean that the people in Tommy’s life should treat him as such and he certainly didn’t tolerate it when they did.

He feels better after he wakes up the next day a little after 1pm. He hadn’t even bothered to change when he had gotten home, had just shed his pants and collapsed into his bed, so he feels a little gross while he walks out of his bedroom in yesterday’s shirt and underwear to head to the kitchen to make coffee and get some food.

He pauses in the living room when his eyes catch the drum kit shining in the afternoon sun. It’s tucked away in the corner between two large windows, unassuming and gleaming in a way that pulls at his heart and makes his fingers twitch.

He hasn’t played in a year.

It’s tortuous sometimes. Drums are ingrained into his very being, as much a part of him as the blood that rushes through his veins when he’s hitting out a beat. He misses it with a severity that’s intense and all-encompassing but the pain he feels when he looks at the kit now dampens his desire until he can’t summon the will to pick up his sticks again.

He can barely remember back to the time when all he felt when he looked at his drum kit was joy and pride. It’s there, back behind the pain and the heartache and the sadness. A memory of a room and three other guys, hard hitting vocals, a shredding guitar, his own limbs heavy with exhaustion but adrenaline lighting him up as he pounds a beat out hard. A memory of a bassist with pale green eyes who gives him a heart stopping smile when they come to a break.

It’s only been a year, but Tommy has shoved those memories down so far into his heart that the men in them feel like ghosts to him. He sometimes feels like a ghost himself. The Tommy Lee who so loved his drums, who was wild, and excitable and so, so in love with life was dead.

Now all that’s left is this stereotype of a tall, pretty omega model in Hollywood who can’t even think about pursuing his passions because of how much it hurts him to remember.

Tommy scoffs at himself and tears his eyes away from his drum set, walking into the kitchen and letting muscle memory guide him into making coffee and reheating leftovers from the day before as he thinks that this is exactly why he doesn’t focus on the past. It’s just too damn depressing.

~January 18th, 2018~

Tommy is nearly bouncing in his seat at the diner in excitement. He keeps throwing little glances at the man a few booths away to make sure it’s who he thinks it is, but Tommy’s pretty fucking confident that it is.

He looks at his friend’s amused face across from him and the girl laughs softly at what has to be the goofiest of hopeful expressions that is morphing his features.

They had just gotten out of the concert they had met up for, and Tommy was already a ball of energy because London was one of his favorite up and coming bands and the show had been sick but as soon as they had been seated after deciding to get some food, he had caught sight of a familiar face and then proceeded to steadily lose his shit.

“Seriously, that’s him right? That’s Nikki fucking Sixx sitting just a few booths away from me?” Tommy harshly whispers, as if the other man was paying any attention to anything other than the paper spread out in front of him and the tissue he kept pressing to his bloody nose.

His friend just grins at him, “Looks like it, yeah.”

Tommy fidgets and bites his lip, “Should I go over and talk to him?”

The girl across from him nods, small little wicked smirk on her face. She’s a good friend but she loves watching him make a fool of himself, which is no doubt exactly what she thinks he’s about to do now.

“Yeah, you should. I’m just gonna get a milkshake and get gone.”

Tommy is already sliding out of his seat as she speaks, giving her a thumbs up and a ‘see you later.’

He walks over as confidently as he can with his nerves flaring up. Tommy isn’t one to be shy or embarrassed by much, but he’s eighteen and the older bassist is probably one of the coolest musicians on the scene right now and that’s enough to make him jittery. It also doesn’t help that the man is probably the most gorgeous alpha that Tommy has ever actually seen in public. Dark hair, killer jaw line, intense pale green eyes and just as intense alpha aura, Tommy practically shivers the closer he gets. Tommy could hardly be called inexperienced, he’s been with a couple of alpha’s before but it’s always been with people his own age, fumbling around, figuring out how their biology even worked. But the vibe that Nikki gives off is nothing like the alpha’s Tommy has been with, and the omega in him is intensely attracted to that.

He stops right in front of the table the other man is sitting at, bounces on his heels a few times and decides to just go for it, “Hey, that was badass dude. The show, not the nose… but the nose was pretty badass too.”

Tommy almost blushes as Nikki looks up at him while he rambles. The other man doesn’t say anything for a second, just drags his eyes over Tommy a few times before he finally replies in a drawling voice, accent something that Tommy can’t really identify, “The singer’s an asshole.”

Tommy releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he hears Nikki’s reply and feels a little more confident, “I know. I saw. Hey, fuck him though, he deserved it.”

Nikki gives him a nod and goes back to scanning the paper in front of him, he seems to have lost interest or something and Tommy bites his lip before blurting out, “I got your poster on my bedroom wall.”

The alpha looks up at him incredulously then, raising an eyebrow and letting a small, delicious smirk stretch across his lips when Tommy closes his eyes and groans at how that sounded. “I can’t believe I just said that. I mean, fuck, I didn’t mean it, you know, like that, I just meant-“

Nikki chuckles as he stumbles over his words and shakes his head, “Take the fucking poster down man, London’s dead.”

Tommy opens his mouth to reply when the waitress comes over and stops on the other side of Nikki’s table, “What can I get you boys?”

Tommy blinks and slides into the booth across from Nikki, giving the man a smile when he gets a confused look from the bassist. The alpha just gives a small smirk again before looking up at the older beta waitress with a charming smile, “Can I please get a Jack and coke Dottie?”

The waitress rolls her eyes but writes it down regardless and Tommy gets the feeling that maybe Nikki is a regular here and she’s used to the request. The woman looks at him then, “And for you honey?”

Tommy smiles brightly at the woman and is satisfied when her lips tug upwards in response, always happy to make others a little happier, “Blueberry pancakes, please.”

“Of course hun.” She says lightly as she walks away and when Tommy looks back at Nikki, the bassist is staring at him with this intense gleam in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Sitting across from him now, Tommy can make out his scent prominently, and it’s something that goes straight to his head. Nikki smells like the aftermath of a storm, when the trees and the soil are wet with rain water and everything is saturated in bold, rich color. Tommy wonders if Nikki can smell him too, he’s been told before that has a particularly pleasant scent, he wonders if that’s why the bassist is looking at him with more interest than he had before.

Tommy watches in rapt attention as Nikki leans forward and starts talking with more passion than previously, “My next band is going to be something no one’s ever fucking seen before.”

The alpha’s eyes drop back down to the paper in front of him. Tommy studies it more closely then and sees ads for musicians looking for bands. One in particular catches his eye, Mick Mars: loud, aggressive guitarist and without thinking he whips one of his drumsticks out from his belt and uses it to point at the ad, “That dude looks pretty cool.”

Nikki uses the pen he has to circle it and Tommy feels joy flood him when the older man takes his suggestion before Nikki leans back against the booth and regards him with a curious look, head tilted slightly to the side, “Do you carry those around with you everywhere?”

“Yep.” Tommy smiles, popping the p at the end of the word playfully and thrilling when Nikki chuckles at him.

The waitress is coming back then and she sits a coke and a small bottle of Jack in front of Nikki, “Here you go kid. Your pancakes will be out soon honey.”

Nikki thanks the older woman gratefully and proceeds to twist the top of the liquor bottle and instead of pouring it into the coke like Tommy had expected him to, proceeds to down the contents in one go, his eyes never leaving Tommy’s as the omega bites his lip and starts twirling his drumstick in his fingers. It’s a habit he had developed ever since he had taught himself how to do it, especially when he was nervous or stressed and the way Nikki was looking at him was making him both in the most electric way possible.

He sees Nikki eye the movement with a slightly impressed look on his face and it makes Tommy giddy to have caused it, “Where did you learn to do that?”

Tommy does blush at that but he’s honest when says, “High school marching band.”

Nikki full out laughs at that, not meanly, but in surprise, like he hadn’t expected Tommy to be that honest and it makes the omega grin when he adds, “But hey, I rock too.”

Nikki is leaning forward and smirks then and Tommy feels the warmth of arousal spread through him when the bassist lowers his voice and says, “I bet you do babe.”

A plate is sat in front of him and it makes Tommy blink in confusion as the moment between him and Nikki is interrupted, Dottie smiling at him gently for startling him. He looks back up and Nikki has gone back to looking through ads, but Tommy sees the little smile pulling at his lips and it makes him grin again, pushing the pancakes more toward the center of the table to get Nikki’s attention.

“Help me eat these pancakes and tell me more about this band.”

Nikki full out smiles at him then, and Tommy knows that he’s going to be gone for this man in no time flat.

It only takes six full days in fact.

Nikki had pretty much demanded he be his band’s drummer as soon as he found out that Tommy had drummed for Suite 19 before the band had dissolved.

“I saw you guys once. Shitty band but you have some real fucking talent babe.”

Tommy’s pretty sure he had fucking beamed with hearts in his eyes when he heard Nikki say that.

They spent the next couple days meeting up and talking about their vision for what was going to be their band. Nikki always said that, always called it “our band” and not “my band” and Tommy always felt pride move through him when he did. They spent their mornings and nights planning in Nikki’s shitty little efficiency that Tommy adored just like he adored when Nikki would pull him in close with an arm around his shoulders on the couch to look through lyrics. Tommy could see the way Nikki’s eyes would follow him as he walked through Nikki’s home, following his body when he would get up to grab them beer from the small refrigerator that was against the far wall from the couch. There was a hazy atmosphere that settled over them when they were together, it was palpable and charged and Tommy knew they could both feel it.

Their sixth day hanging out together they were sitting outside on the fire escape, taking a break between seeing guitarists and sharing Nikki’s last cigarette when a breeze blew past them. Tommy tilted his head back, enjoying the brisk air blowing his curls around his face but when he opened his eyes, he was immediately met with Nikki’s eyes squeezed closed and body tense.

Tommy put a hand on the bassist’s shoulder and squeezed at the muscle gently, “Hey, you okay Nik?”

Nikki breathed in a deep lungful of air and he smiled in what had to be the softest way Tommy had seen so far, “I’m good babe, you just…”

The alpha trailed off for a minute, the look on his face contemplating as Tommy prompted, “I just?”

Nikki shook his head with that smile, fingers coming up to brush Tommy’s hair out of his face, “You just smell really fucking good T.”

“Oh.” Tommy breaths out, heart jolting and beating fast at the admission. Before he could think to reply to that though, an absolutely shitty little hatchback was screeching to a halt in front of Nikki’s complex and a short beta with jet black hair was grumbling as he tried to get an amp out of the trunk.

Tommy and Nikki both snorted out a laugh but Tommy, being Tommy, was already running down the stairs to help the shorter man out, “Whoa, dude. You got it? Here for the audition?”

The older man levels a deadpan look at him that Tommy took to meant, ‘well no shit genius’, but he sticks with a simple, “Yep.”

Tommy helps him get the damn amp out of the trunk and the man looks at him with a scrutinizing glance, “You the singer?”

The omega laughs at that, “Absolutely not. That’s funny though, drummer.”

The beta gives him an odd look, “Pretty scrawny for a drummer.”

Tommy narrows his eyes in response. He feels Nikki moving in behind him but that doesn’t stop the annoyance from filling him. He doesn’t know this beta, he doesn’t know if he’s the type who means ‘It’s unusual for an omega to be a drummer’ when he said what he said but just for good measure he asks, “Do you have a fucking problem with that?”

Nikki is looking at him, Tommy sees him from the corner of his eyes but he doesn’t move his narrowed gaze away from the beta’s who looks satisfied at the challenge, “I meant scrawny, drummer, I didn’t mean omega. And I don’t have a fucking problem with either as long as you can fucking play good fucking music.”

Tommy’s whole demeanor changes at that, bright smile back on his face and he grabs one side of the amp and motions for the beta to do the same so they can carry it up the stairs, “Good, would have hated to give you a no before even seeing you play, old man.”

The beta growls at him at that, “Fucking teenager.”

Tommy just laughs, “I’m Tommy, the lazy fuck behind you carrying wires is Nikki.”

The short man gives the barest hint of a smile, like he doesn’t want to but just can’t help it. “Mick.”

Mick is in from the first riff of his guitar and as they play Tommy sneaks glances at Nikki just to see the nearly manic grin on the bassist’s face. Every so often their eyes will meet, and the passion Tommy finds in their locked gaze overwhelms him so much he has to look back down at his kit so he won’t blush. He’s pretty sure he still does. And he’s pretty sure that Nikki sees.

He thinks about Nikki that night while he’s at home. He’s probably going to have to move out soon. His parents don’t approve of him wanting to skip college to be in a band and as loving as they are, they aren’t going to let him live in their house unless they feel like he’s working towards something worthwhile.

But that’s not important right now. What’s important is that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with his bandmate. Tommy has a bad habit of falling too hard and too fast for people. He thinks maybe it’s a combination of his general enthusiasm for everything and his general love for people that makes him the way he is but this doesn’t feel like his usual falling in, falling out routine.

The thing between him and Nikki is magnetic. Tommy feels like he’s stuck in the bassist’s orbit, completely unable and unwilling to move too far away from him. There is just something inside of him that slots perfectly into place when he’s around Nikki and by the look in the alpha’s eyes when Tommy catches him staring, he’s pretty sure Nikki feels the same.

A few weeks of pining later he’s letting himself into Nikki’s efficiency, it’s about 11am so he knows that the bassist is probably still asleep but he hasn’t let that stop him the previous mornings and it’s not going to stop him today so he opens and shuts the door and takes off his shoes before flinging himself at the alpha who is spread across the mattress on the floor.

Nikki groans loudly and starts swatting at Tommy, because he knows it’s the younger boy, this routine becoming way too familiar but instead of laughing and rolling off of him like usual, Tommy just laughs and straddles his hips.

“Nikki, Nik, listen! I was up all night thinking about this,” Tommy starts, not even phased when Nikki tiredly tries to hit him for waking him up, “Listen Nikki! We’ve been looking for a singer and I thought about it and I think I know a guy. I actually went to high school with him, he’s absolutely perfect-”

Tommy yelps when Nikki tries to roll over and dislodge him from his perch so he can go back to sleep but Tommy is stubborn and he tightens his legs around the older man’s hips and whines out, “Nikki!”

The drummer feels Nikki go stiff as a board underneath him and when he meets his gaze, Tommy feels frozen, absolutely pinned by the intensity in the bassist’s green eyes.

“Nikki…” Tommy practically breaths, kind of scared by how silent and still the man underneath him is and that fear has him rambling pretty quickly, “Shit, I’m sorry Nik, I shouldn’t have woken you up, sorry if I annoyed you, I know you’re always telling me that you would rather I wake you up later in the afternoon and I never listen which must be irritating but I just- mmph!”

Tommy doesn’t even have time to process what is happening when Nikki suddenly surges to sit up, one hand firm on his hip to keep him stable on his lap and the other twisting in his hair to hold him still as the bassist presses their lips together in a sudden kiss.

It lasts seconds but when they part Tommy is panting like it had been hours and there’s a flush on Nikki’s cheeks when he sees the surprise in Tommy’s big brown eyes, “You, uh, you have this habit of licking your bottom lip when you nervous ramble you know? It’s really, really fucking cute.”

It’s Nikki’s turn to squirm a bit as Tommy sits there in his lap in shock and the alpha swallows before he starts talking again, “I know I probably shouldn’t have, you know, just fucking went for it without asking you for your permission or some shit like that first but fuck Tommy, I just feel, I feel so right around you. You’re so fucking beautiful, and passionate and talented and you’re not fucking annoying so don’t say that again and I just-”

It’s Tommy’s turn to interrupt him now, hands burying themselves in Nikki’s hair and pulling him forward to connect their lips again and Tommy moans when he feels Nikki’s arms wrap around his waist to pull him as close as possible, chest to chest as the bassist licks at his lower lip and dips it inside when Tommy opens his mouth. Tommy feels delirious and so fucking high that he whines in protest when Nikki breaks their kiss to breath.

Tommy laughs happily after he catches his breath, wrapping his arms around Nikki’s neck and throwing them down to lay back against the mattress, “What the fuck took you so long?!”

Nikki is laughing then too, rolling them over to hover on top of him and press kisses into every inch of Tommy’s face and neck and the omega giggles at the action but releases a sharp gasp when Nikki suddenly bites down underneath the scent gland just behind his ear.

“Sorry for making you wait babe,” Nikki’s speaks into his ear, lips brushing against the lobe and voice so low and gritty that Tommy feels a wave of heat spreading from his lower body, flush blooming along his cheeks, “Let me make it up to you.”

And he certainly proceeds to do that.

Life becomes a whirlwind for Tommy, they get his old high school friend Vince Neil to join their band and soon they’re Mötley Crüe. They spend their days writing music and preparing to take Sunset Strip by storm and they spend their nights partying and meeting people and raising hell. Tommy gets a job as a waiter at a strip bar just down the street which the rest of the boys love because it means they can drink for free during Tommy’s shifts and he, Nikki, and Vince pull their resources to get a small two bedroom apartment right on the Strip.

Tommy and Nikki are inseparable. They are so caught up in each other most of the time that they often can’t keep their hands to themselves and more than a few times Vince has to yell at them to take it to their bedroom so he doesn’t have to watch them fucking.

Nikki surprises Tommy every day with how thoughtful he can be, taking him on dates to the beach even though he hates it because he knows Tommy loves it, always picking a movie that he thinks Tommy will like even if it’s something Nikki probably wouldn’t otherwise be interested in, murmuring praises against Tommy’s skin in the early morning sun until he sits up to grab the book he keeps by the bed, arms wrapped around Tommy’s waist as the drummer sits in his lap as he writes out lyrics all about Tommy. Nikki will hum out a melody and Tommy will listen intently and fill in the spaces with a beat that he hits out on Nikki’s arms or legs, whatever is closest and the bassist will beam at him and nine times out of ten, tackle him against the bed. Nikki looks at him like he’s the most precious fucking thing in the world and when he’s with Nikki, he feels like he is.

They go into summer with a plan and a full list of songs to take over the world with. Tommy has his alpha, his lover, his absolute best friend by his side. He has his band, his chosen family, and his whole future ahead of him.

Of course, life can never be that fucking easy, can it?

~May 15th, 2019~

It’s a little after 6pm and Tommy has just gotten out of the shower, sipping from a bottle of Rosé as he stands in front of his open closet, music blasting from his speakers. Wine isn’t typically his drink of choice, but he hadn’t restocked his liquor cabinet and a few bottles had been left in his fridge from the last time he had friends over, so wine will have to do for now. If he was going to spend the rest of the night letting people assume that Tom fucking Zutaut was his date, he was at least going to get hammered. May as well start early.

Tom had asked him to dress nice, which Tommy translated in his head as “please dress slutty so my new rock star clients are envious of me for landing you as a date”.

Tommy grabs out his favorite black jeans. They’re torn to hell all up and down the legs and honestly show more of his skin than they cover up but they’re also super comfortable. He had thought about the soft leather pants right next to them but everyone was probably going to be in leather if this was a party to celebrate signing a new rock band and his stylist’s voice was sounding in his ear saying ‘dare to be different Tommy!’

With that catch phrase in mind, he pulls out some fishnet stockings too. He slides them on before pulling his jeans up carefully, mindful of the rips and tears and looks back at the mirror in the corner of his room. He lets a small smirk pulls at his lips as he takes in the band of his fishnets settling at the smallest dip of his waist and remaining visible for about three inches before disappearing below his jeans, making reappearances through the rips and tears along his legs. Yeah, that will do nicely. For the top he picks out a black worn tee. It’s cropped, so it shows the fishnet off and it’s just oversized enough that the neckline is constantly dipping down his left shoulder and it would be almost plain if it weren’t for the beautiful embroidered red roses that stretched along the entire right shoulder. He doesn’t even remember what brand it is but he loves it and it’s simple and chic enough when paired with the lower half of his outfit.

He thinks he’s dressed well enough to turn a few heads so he works on taming his hair into soft waves, briefly toying with the idea of teasing it before deciding that it was too much work for the likes of Zutaut and he prefers it loose and natural anyway. He does just enough make up to even out his complexion, give him those smoky, bedroom eyes that his photographers love so much and darkens his lips with a long lasting burgundy red.

As he finishes his makeup, he finds himself thinking that this is first time in a year that he’s done anything related to music or musicians in general. Tom is the only one even remotely tied to the music industry that he still speaks to and that’s only because of everything the other man has done for him. He ghosted everyone tied to his previous life when he walked out on him a year ago and he avoided the music scene like the plague ever since.

Nikki. Tommy does his best to not think about the green eyed bassist but no matter what Tommy does, the alpha inevitably pops back into his thoughts. It must be a combination of his earlier nostalgia with his drums, the fact that he’s about to go to a party for some up and coming rock stars and the wine, Tommy thinks as he takes a shaky breath. There was no other reason to think about his ex. Nikki was his past. Sure, he still loved the man like he doubts he would love anyone again, still longed for him during his one night stands with piss poor alphas who couldn’t hold a damn candle to the bassist, still hurt every time he wondered what he was doing at that very instant.

But he wouldn’t ever see him again, and he just needed to deal with it and push past it and continue living his damn life. Half alive was better than nothing he supposed.

Tommy downs the last of his wine and touches up his lips one last time. He’s putting on a black choker and some long dangling earrings when he sees his phone go off in the corner of his eye.

He picks it up as he walks out of his bedroom, boots in hand, “Hello?”

“Hey Tommy, I’m outside.” Tom’s voice is nervous and it makes Tommy roll his eyes as he pulls on his black boots. The heels are pretty conservative, just two inches but they’re just tall enough to give a little swing to his hips as he walks.

“I’ll be right down.”

Tommy flips the switch on his stereo system and turns out his lights, he really doesn’t need anything else, so he slips his key into his pocket after he locks his door and spins his phone in his hand like he used to spin his sticks and walks down the hall to the elevator.

Zutaut has a nice car but like everything else even remotely cool that Tom owns, he only has it because he thinks it makes him look cool. Which to Tommy is just so fucking sad. Still, he slides into the passenger seat and laughs when Tom nods at him approvingly.

“You look good Tommy.” The beta says happily as he pulls away from the curb and proceeds with what has to be the slowest drive to the Hollywood Hills that Tommy has ever experienced.

“Thanks, you told me to, but thank you I guess. You look…” Tommy trails off as he takes in Tom’s outfit of choice, “Like you’re going to church.”

Tom frowns instantly and points to the seatbelt that Tommy had neglected when he got into the car. “I like to dress professionally when I’m around my clients.”

Tommy scoffs and flicks at Zutaut’s arm lightly, “It’s a party Tom. Who the fuck wears a cardigan to a rock n’ roll signing party?”

“California is chilly at night! You’ll be begging for this cardigan later on!” Tom protests and Tommy laughs.

“Hos don’t get cold Zutaut. All you had to wear was jeans and a t-shirt and it would have been better than this. At least take off the cardigan and roll up your sleeves. You look like a goddamn missionary.”

“I’m regretting this already. They think I’m a loser Tommy!” Tom whines and even though it’s annoying, Tommy feels a little bad for the guy. So he resolves to do his best as Tom’s fake date for the night to get him noticed a little.

“Well, they won’t think that for long. That’s why you invited me, right?” Tom looks at the omega briefly before looking back quickly at the road, pulling into a long circular driveway and joining the line of cars waiting to be valeted. Tommy can hear the music already, something heavy and loud and it moves through him and makes him grin already.

Tom for his part looks sick and Tommy wants to bash his head in. What a night he’s in for. Okay, he thinks, time to at least set some ground rules.

“Listen Tom. I’m okay with letting people assume what they want to, alright? But if anyone blatantly asks what we are, you will tell them that we are friends. Okay?” Tommy speaks slowly so the other man doesn’t misunderstand through his nerves.

Tom’s face screws up unhappily, “But I thought-”

“I’ll walk in there with you. I’ll let you get me a drink, and I’ll let you put your arm around my waist while you introduce me to these guys that you signed but letting people think what they want to think and letting you blatantly say that you’re fucking me are two totally different things. I’m not playing that game. That’s where I draw the line, okay?” Tommy thinks that he’s being fair. Besides, being friends with a model is almost as good as scoring with one right? Maybe not, but that’s all Tom’s getting so, he should probably make his peace with it now.

Tom nods sulkily as he pulls his car up to the front, “Okay.”

Tommy sighs before putting a smile on his face when his door is opened for him. The house is monstrous, beautiful in that very in your face kind of way that Tommy doesn’t really care for. He’s been here once before, it’s Tom’s boss’ house, but the party that’s going on now is way rowdier than the last one he had attended here and Tommy feels his smile becoming more real. At least he’ll probably have fun tonight. All he has to do is meet Tom’s new clients and then hopefully he can go off and get drunk and act his normal foolish self when they lose interest and move on.

Tommy nearly startles when he feels an arm wrapping around his waist before he realizes that it’s just Tom and going by the look on the man’s face, Tommy is going to need to be the one to lead here. So he walks confidently up the sidewalk, dragging Tom along with the grip the other man has on his waist, and doesn’t even bother knocking on the door, pushing them open and walking inside like he owns the damn place.

“This is ridiculous.” Tom mutters under his breath so only Tommy can hear.

“This is awesome, Tom. Come on, at least try to have a little fun.” Tommy laughs happily, taking in the chaos that’s going on inside. The music is loud and aggressive and the lights are blued out in places and faintly strobing, enough to be special but not enough to be annoying, and twinkling white in others. There’s a sea of people dancing and Tommy spots a pool table in the room to the far right, a swimming pool visible through the glass walls with people fully dressed in it and surrounding it, and plush suede couches along the back wall.

Tommy has spotted at least a handful of musicians that he knows about, a half a dozen models he’s worked with, a couple of photographer’s and designers, and everyone else he has no idea.

“I need to find the guys!” Tom yells out to him, eyes darting around nervously. There’s a table to their left, one end empty while a bunch of guys play cards at the other end and Tommy sighs before hoisting himself up to sit on the edge.

“I’ll stay right here. You go ahead and get me a drink and bring whoever back that you want.” Tommy yells back. He crosses one long leg over the other and leans back just a little, weight resting on one arm that he props against the table a little behind him, taking note as one of the guys playing cards follows the movement with his eyes. Tommy gives him a coy smile and a wink just because he can as Tom nods and walks away.

The guy watching him from his card game looks at him curiously before grinning and getting up to walk over. He looks vaguely familiar to Tommy, with his long blonde hair, cute grin, and tall stature. It’s hard to tell people’s sub-gender’s in an environment like this, too many people in too close a proximity to really make anything out, but the man holds himself like an alpha.

He’s standing in front of Tommy before the omega has time to figure out where he knows the other man from and his grin is absolutely giddy as he looks at him.

“You’re Tommy Lee.”

Tommy blinks in surprise. It’s not like he doesn’t get recognized. He does occasionally, but people more often remember his face, they don’t really know his name.

“Umm, yeah, I am… How do you kno-”

“My lead singer is an absolute Gucci freak and your spread is literally one of his favorites. He has the photos posted up on his bunk wall on our tour bus.” The guy is laughing happily, sharing a conspiratorial look as he confides his friend’s secret and Tommy has to laugh along with him.

The omega shakes his head as he grins, “I really don’t know what to do with that information.”  

“Oh, tease the hell out of Axl when I bring him over to meet you, I hope. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have you all to myself, but he would literally, and I mean literally, kill me if he were to find out that I met you and didn’t go get him.” A lightbulb goes off in his head at the name Axl and suddenly Tommy knows exactly who he’s talking to.

The omega smiles at him, “Well, we can’t have that now can we?”

The blond beams again, holding his hand out for Tommy to take and shake, “Duff Mckagen.”

Tommy leans back again when he releases the man’s hand, “I know, I watched your music video on MTV the other day. Guns N’ Roses, right?”

Duff nods, scratching at the back of his head somewhat sheepishly, “Yeah? What did you think?”

Tommy just can’t resist the opportunity to tease, “Eh.”

Duff throws his head back and laughs and Tommy smiles at him when he leans in a little closer, “You don’t pull your punches do you sweetheart?”

Tommy’s grin turns sharp as he lowers his gaze and looks at the bassist through his eyelashes, “You have no idea.”

The blond haired alpha leans his hip against the side of the table, nearly pressed right against Tommy’s side and he brings a hand up to lightly grip at his chin, tilting it to meet his gaze as he gives a little smirk that’s definitely attractive on him, “Maybe I should risk death and forget about introducing you to Axl, don’t need him to whisk your attention away from me.”

“Tommy!”

The omega sighs and rolls his eyes at the questioning look Duff gives him. Tom is making his way back over but Tommy doesn’t see anyone with him so he figures that he’s free to keep flirting with the blond bassist as Tom presses a drink into his hand.

“Did you find them?” Tommy asks politely. Zutaut looks anxious as all hell, so Tommy feels the need to be nice to the man.

“Uh, yeah, they were right behind me? I guess they got side tracked, they’ll be here.” Tom says, eyes flitting over the crowd before finally realizing that he had company.

“Duff? Hey man.” Tom says, voice at a higher pitch than usual, and Tommy raises an eyebrow at the producer. God, no wonder his clients didn’t respect him. The man couldn’t even talk to a musician without losing his shit.

“Hey Zutaut. Are you here with…” Duff asks but trails off like the question is so ridiculous he can’t even finish it.

Tom is about to answer but Tommy is cutting him off with a glare, “Yes and no. He’s a friend that I’m doing a favor for.”

Tom looks a bit put out but Duff smiles again, arm draping around Tommy’s shoulders, “Good, I was about to be really bummed out.”

“Look out Zutaut! Duffie’s gonna steal your model if you aren’t careful!” An obnoxious voice calls out boisterously followed nearly immediately by a loud and startlingly familiar, “HOLY FUCK.”

Tommy freezes. His whole body feels like a block of lead and he all of a sudden can’t breathe because there’s no fucking way.  

There’s no fucking way that after a year, Vince Neil is at the same party as him. But then a softer and achingly recognizable, “Shit,” has him wanting to cry because that was definitely Mick’s voice. He feels cold all over and despite not wanting to look up, he just has to because he knows, if Vince and Mick are there together, someone else is probably there too.  

So he shifts his gaze to look directly in front of him and sure enough, he’s there. Vince is staring at him with the most shocked expression on his face, Mick is looking at him with something that looks apologetic but he’s barely aware of any of that because Nikki is standing behind them both with the most intensely indiscernible expression on his face, eyes locked onto Tommy’s face.

He looks so good. So damn good in black jeans that are cut up at the knees and a tank top that shows off his muscled arms that are littered with more tattoos than he remembers, hair still jet black but pushed off of his forehead so his gorgeous face is visible and Tommy wants to whine and reach out for him, the longing he feels in his heart wanting a physical expression.

“Hi Nikki.” Tommy manages to force out even though the words had felt stuck in his throat before dragging his eyes away from the dark haired bassist, “Vince, Mick.”

Tommy narrows his eyes at the fourth person, “I don’t know you.”

“Sammy doll face, drummer.” The man reaches a hand out to shake but Tommy ignores it. And yeah, that may be petty but considering the situation, the omega feels like his actions are pretty justified.

Instead he tips his head back and downs the full glass of whiskey that Tom had brought him while the producer asks, “Tommy, you know the guys?”

“Apparently.” Tommy glares at the man. Why the hell didn’t he say earlier that the band he had signed was Mötley Crüe? Why the fuck hadn’t Tommy asked who this fucking party was for.

“Tommy was actually our original drummer.” Mick sighs, probably trying to ease the awkward atmosphere that’s settled around the group.

Sammy laughs, “No shit?! What happened? Couldn’t take the heat doll face?”

Tommy growls and is about lay into the asshole when Nikki all of a sudden finds his voice, “No, I fucked it all up. It was my fault he left.”

The omega feels a sharp spike of pain shoot through him and it’s enough to make his eyes water and he tries to take a breath without being too obvious about the fact that he suddenly can’t seem to get enough air.

He unexpectedly feels Duff’s arm moves from his shoulder to around his waist, hand squeezing his hip gently and Tommy can see the way Nikki’s jaw clenches and his eyes narrow, “Hey, you alright?”

Tommy shakes his head, “I’m not drunk enough for this shit, come get me another drink.”

And with that Tommy is dragging Duff with him and away from the people, the person, who was supposed to stay in his past.

Tommy feels panic bubbling up in his chest as he walks away from the alpha, and he can’t help but think about the last time he did this, a little less than a year ago.

~May 22nd, 2018~

Tommy didn’t necessarily like his job. It was alright, most of the time, and the owner never minded if he sent free drinks to his boys whenever they would come in to wait until the end of his shift so they could go out.

But the patrons were fucking annoying. They constantly groped or made comments to him after they had too much to drink, and while Tommy could usually handle this with a smile that typically got him extra tips, sometimes it went a little too far and it just flat out made him uncomfortable.

The most annoying part of his job though, is the goddamn strippers who don’t seem to understand- even though Tommy has very clearly and explicitly spelled it out for them- that Nikki is fucking off limits. Several girls would often caress the bassist’s shoulders as they walked by or lean down to peck him on the cheek but that was usually just to tease Tommy and while it annoyed the hell out of him, it was all in good fun and at the end of the day he knew that they respected him enough to never actually cross the line.

All of them, except Mindy.

Fucking Mindy, with her stupid fucking ‘only appropriate for a stripper’ name, was constantly flying past the goddamn line. Tommy hated the nights that he worked with her because that meant that she would usually plant herself right in Nikki’s lap for a free dance. Tommy confronted her about it a couple of times and she always said the same damn thing.

“You’re not mated Tommy. Until you are, Nikki is fair game so fuck off.” Fucking blonde haired bimbo.

Mindy and her shitty behavior made him seethe, but what really troubled him about the whole thing was how Nikki would just sit there and let it happen. Tommy had told him before that it bothered him, but the handful of times they talked about it Nikki would just dismiss his concerns with a ‘she’s just doing her job babe, doesn’t mean anything’ or a ‘you know her type doesn’t do anything for me babe, I prefer tall, leggy brunettes’ before he would proceed to make Tommy forget whatever they had just been talking about.

Despite Nikki’s nonchalance at the whole situation, it continues to upset Tommy every time it happens. Besides just the instinctual surge of possession that it stirs up in him when he sees the skank grinding on his alpha, there’s also the hurt that Nikki doesn’t seem to care that it bothers him. He could get maybe that Nikki doesn’t understand that seeing him under another omega, in a place of business or not, makes him feel terribly insecure which is so far from the norm for Tommy it actually turns his stomach when it happens. But to Tommy, it should have just taken him telling Nikki that it upset him for the alpha to put a stop to the activity.

But he doesn’t, and tonight it’s worse than usual because Mindy stays in Nikki’s lap even after Tommy clocks out. This is unusual because she typically times it to steer clear of Tommy after the omega had growled at her when they bumped into each other backstage last month but tonight when he walks out of the back, she’s still there and Nikki is calmly taking a sip from a bottle of Jack as he talks to Vince who has a girl in his own lap.

Tommy feels an unbridled rage fill him when he sees it and he has half a mind to stomp over there, push the bitch off of Nikki’s lap and maybe even punch that handsome face that belonged to his boyfriend, but he figures physical violence would probably get him fired and wouldn’t exactly be healthy for his relationship

So he decides to get drunk instead and wait for Mindy to leave so he can go over there, drag Nikki home and scream at him until Nikki just gets it because this is ending, tonight.

He huffs angrily when he harshly sits himself down on a stool at the bar and glowers, even when the bartender gives him a sympathetic smile and a drink without him having to ask.

“Mindy at it again?” She asks.

Tommy looks at her with a storm brewing behind his eyes, “Do you have to ask?”

“I don’t get why he doesn’t just knock her on her ass. He can do that if she’s giving him a dance he’s not paying for.”

“That’s what I fucking said.” Tommy grumbles before knocking back his drink. He sighs as he spins the empty glass and is about to motion for another one when the red haired beta behind the counter is passing another drink into his hands.

He gives her a grateful look but she shakes her head at him, “That one’s not from me honey.”

She points a little ways down the bar and a man that Tommy recognizes from his rotation is waving at him with a little half smile. He’s attractive, objectively. He’s a little shorter than Tommy which isn’t surprising, most people are, but he’s built well and he must be some sort of Hispanic because his skin is tanned cinnamon and his short hair is thick and a deep dark brown just like his eyes. Tommy is a little surprised and he’s waving back as he takes a sip from the drink. Apparently the guy takes that as an invitation because he’s walking over immediately.

He’s sliding to stand against the bar right next to where Tommy is sitting and the drummer’s eyes widen at how close the other man is so suddenly.

“So, I’m guessing since you’re drinking that means that your off?” The guy has a nice smile, Tommy will give him that. And he smells pretty good, obviously an alpha and like strong coffee. But this is really not anything that Tommy is interested in.

“What an intelligent observation. Give the guy a prize.” Tommy rolls his eyes. Yeah, that was a little bitchy but he’s mad, and upset, so sue him.

The guy’s smile stays firmly stretched across his face though, brown eyes lit up in amusement, “Ouch.”

Tommy snorts a laugh at the guy’s determination not to be deterred by his obviously pissy mood, “Sorry, you just really caught me at a bad time. I’m taken anyway.”

The omega looks back to check on Nikki and practically growls in frustration when he see Mindy still seated on his alpha’s lap. When the fuck does she get off work anyway?

The alpha at his side leans around him to follow his gaze and raises an eyebrow when Tommy meets his eyes again, “Is that who you’re taken by?”

Tommy bristles at the judgment he hears in the man’s voice and finishes his drink quickly, not minding in the least when the alpha motions for another round from the bartender.

“Didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just, how much of a moron is he if he has someone like you waiting for him and he’s wasting his time with that dime a dozen slut?” The guy snorts and presses the glass of another drink into Tommy’s hands.

And well, wasn’t that just the most dangerously right thing for him to have said.

Tommy watches as the guy smiles again, obviously amused that Tommy is so shocked by what he just said, “I’m Gabe.”

“Tommy.” The drummer answers almost unthinking, “And he may be a moron but I’m, unfortunately at the moment, in love with him so if you could not insult him, I’d appreciate it.”

Gabe shakes his head incredulously, “You’re really something else. Really irritates me that you’re not available. Well Tommy, I have a proposition for you if you’re interested.”

“This ought to be good. Go ahead.” Tommy smiles in amusement. He wasn’t doing anything else at the moment. Just waiting for a slut to get off of his boyfriend. No big deal. He had time to waste.

The smile across Gabe’s face morphs into a smirk and he takes a step further into Tommy’s space so that he’s very nearly knocking knees with him, “I’m just going to throw it out there that I am totally okay with you using me to give your guy over there a taste of his own medicine. Like, completely okay with it, down right on board to flirt with you for a while until he learns his lesson.”

Tommy’s laughing even though he doesn’t want to. From the corner of his eye he sees Mindy finally get off of Nikki’s lap and even though Nikki looks completely unbothered by her absence, head turning this way and that, obviously looking for Tommy, the omega is still incredibly angry and upset and maybe a little tipsy. Liquor doesn’t typically hit him this hard but three drinks so fast on an empty stomach while he’s tired from a shift obviously have had more of an effect than usual.

And Gabe is nice and funny, and Tommy really wants to just make Nikki understand how he’s been feeling. His head is screaming ‘bad idea, bad idea, bad idea’ but the pain in his heart just says ‘fuck off, we’re doing this’ and he’s spreading his legs just enough for the alpha to push just a little bit closer. It’s nothing explicit really, the man is just standing in the space between his knees, nowhere nears his thighs or his hips, but the suggestion is there and Tommy looks up at the other man, “And what lesson would that be?”

Gabe is still smiling but his eyes are serious when he lifts a hand to sweep his fingers through the curls that frame Tommy’s face, “That you’re a fucking knock out, and if he isn’t careful, someone will definitely sweep in to take you away.”

Tommy laughs softly, no fucking way was anyone taking him away from Nikki, but he’s flattered all the same, “You really are pretty fucking smooth, if I wasn’t-”

“Tommy.”

The sound of Nikki’s voice, pitched low and warning, has Tommy jerking away from Gabe so fast he nearly gets whiplash. He also teeters precariously on the stool at the movement and he feels Gabe place his hands on his waist to steady him so he doesn’t fall but the deep, loud growl that Nikki lets out has Gabe’s hands flying away in a flash.

Tommy faces Nikki fully then and the alpha looks like a force of nature standing there, body tense and eyes dark, jaw and fists clenched, looking for all intents and purposes that he’s seconds away from lunging at the alpha that’s standing so close to Tommy.

“We’re going home now Tommy.”

Nikki’s tone leaves no room for argument but Tommy still rolls his eyes and out of spite, because how dare Nikki sit there for like an hour with a stripper in his lap and then get this angry over a few minutes of harmless flirting, he turns back to Gabe as he stands up and says, “Thanks for the drinks, and the company.”

Tommy can practically hear Nikki’s teeth grinding when Gabe beams at him, “Anytime sweetheart.”

Nikki is gripping his hand then and pulling them rapidly toward the door but Gabe catches up with them, apparently unable to resist fucking with Nikki’s head one more time, and presses a napkin into Tommy’s hand, “Just in case you ever find yourself unattached.”

They’re out the door in a flash after that and Tommy throws the napkin with what he expects is Gabe’s phone number scribbled on it away. He knows Nikki sees him do it but it does little to calm the older man down as he pulls Tommy quickly down the street, dropping his hand when they approach their apartment and taking the stairs two at a time, leaving the door open for Tommy to shut.

As soon as the lock clicks into place, Nikki is speaking, and his tone is so raw and angry that Tommy is actually startled.

“What the fuck was that Tommy?” Nikki’s eyes are stone cold as he looks at him from across the living room.

Tommy is quiet for a minute because this is a little more intense than he had thought it would be. He figured Nikki would be pissed and they would scream at each other before falling together into angry passionate sex to relieve the frustration and then kiss and whisper apologies into each other’s skin afterwards. That was what was typical for them, both running a little too hot and energy just too high between them to argue quietly or passive aggressively.

Though, Tommy thinks a little guiltily, flirting with Gabe was some pretty passive aggressive shit on his part but no! Fuck this, this whole thing started because of Nikki’s shitty behavior and lack of regard for his feelings so he doesn’t get to stand there on the offensive and make Tommy feel bad. Fuck that.

“Oh fuck off Nikki, you’re not seriously going to stand there and question me over a little fucking flirting are you?” Tommy crosses his arms over his chest and glares at the alpha, not backing down and rearing to tear into him over this finally.

“A little fucking flirting? The guy was between your fucking legs and looked to be about one fucking drink from getting you into bed with him.” Nikki snarks at him cruelly.

Tommy narrows his eyes further and snarls back, “I would never have done that Nikki, thanks for the fucking vote of confidence though. It’s absolutely fucking mind blowing that you can stand there and call me a whore for letting another man barely touch me when you literally just spent an hour my with coworker’s ass grinding on your dick.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, is this coming up fucking again?! She’s a fucking stripper Tommy, that’s what she fucking does for a living.” Nikki has the audacity to look annoyed now and Tommy growls at the alpha for still being so stupid.

“No, this is ending fucking tonight because I am so sick of you just not fucking comprehending this. She’s not fucking accepting payment from you for those fucking dances Nikki. That means she’s doing it because she fucking wants you and you fucking entertain her, while I’m literally feet away working, you selfish, cold fucking dick! What fucking part of this confuses you? It would have been no different if I had pushed that fucking guy into a seat and rode him in the middle of the fucking room. And you do this every fucking week! Fuck! Maybe I should have kept his fucking number, as least he had the damn sense to see that I was more worth his time than a fucking stripper!” Tommy fumes, and yeah, that was a little harder than he typically goes but he needs to get this through Nikki’s skull right fucking now.

Nikki’s pale green eyes are ice right now, hardening the more Tommy lays into him, but Tommy can see the wild panic that shoots through them when he mentions keeping Gabe’s number. Tommy knows that this isn’t good, he knows that Nikki has abandonment issues from how he grew up and fear makes Nikki do irrational, terrible things and he immediately wants to de-escalate the situation but then Nikki is speaking again and his tone is nothing short of disgusted when he says, “Are you really that fucking insecure?”

It’s like a sharp slap to the face and Tommy feels his control of the situation slipping through his fingers, knows that Nikki has none to speak of either and this is spiraling much further than it needed to.

He tries to soften his approach and weakly says, “Nikki…”

But it’s too late for that now, fear and pain and panic have a hold on Nikki now and the older man is backing away from him then and shaking his head, not even screaming but voice still cutting into Tommy’s heart when he continues his assault, “I should have fucking knew that you were too immature to handle this Tommy. What kind of a juvenile fucking slut tries to fuck with another guy just to make their boyfriend jealous over a few fucking lap dances?”

Tommy bites his lip to try to stifle the whimper the wants to come out because Nikki doesn’t usually speak to him like this. They scream and curse and they’ll insult each other but it’s always general, this, this is personal and he feels like he’s going to cry, eyes watering but doing his best to clear his expression and stop this before it goes too far to fix, “Nikki, baby, please…”

Nikki shakes his head, “Who fucking fucks up their relationship because of some stupid insecurity? A fucking kid does that Tommy, it’s fucking pathetic.”

Tommy takes in a shuddering breath, “Nikki stop, just stop!”

“This is the fucking life Tommy. This is being a goddamn rock star. This is what we fucking wanted. If you can’t handle a few fucking strippers without thinking that I want them more than I want you then we should just fucking end this now before you bring us all down with your goddamn pathetic insecurities. I don’t want anything to do with someone like that.”

Tommy feels a shattering pain in his chest and distantly hears a small broken whimper that he’s startled to realize has come from him. He can feel the warmth and wetness of his tears finally falling down his cheeks and Nikki is looking at him with what looks like immediate regret mixed up with the anger and the fear but Tommy can’t analyze that look, he can’t stay there for one more fucking minute and he’s running out of the apartment as fast as his long legs can take him, heart breaking all the more when he realizes that Nikki isn’t coming after him.

He ends up on a friend’s couch that night, and after several nights with no word from Nikki, he supposes that the set-up is permanent. He feels broken, unable to get himself to do the simplest of things, and as the days go by it doesn’t get any easier. He spends his nights curled up on the couch in physical pain from missing the older man so damn much. Everything in him wants to call Nikki. If he wants to fix this, he needs to be the one to do it because he knows that Nikki is probably buried too deep in a hole of self-loathing to even think that this is repairable. But every time he goes to press the alpha’s number into his phone he hears those terrible things he had said to him and he physically recoils from the slim possibility that Nikki actually meant them.

His friends go get his stuff from the apartment. Vince and Mick try calling him and texting but he can’t read them after the first few glances revealed Nikki’s name so he blocks all of their numbers, the last of Tommy Lee, drummer of Mötley Crüe, dying as he presses the delete button on Nikki’s contact information.

~May 15th, 2019~

Tommy all but collapses again the counter top when they reach the kitchen and Duff has the common sense to move them a little further into a more secluded corner, away from most of the people who are milling in and out of the room.

The omega is grateful to him because he feels like he’s about to have a panic attack, and wow, he’s never had one of those before. But Duff presses into his space, cupping his face to push his hair back so that Tommy focuses on his face.

“Hey, hey, Tommy, look at me okay? Focus on me, I need you to try to breathe a little more deeply okay? Just slow down a little bit okay?”

Tommy feels his breathing even out a little bit, still a little shaky but not nearly as gasping as he had been. He pulls back from the other man and leans against the glass door that leads to the balcony, the cold seeping through his shirt at his shoulder blades and grounding him.

Duff gives him a minute to calm down, but when Tommy is lucid enough to clearly meet his eyes, he’s raising an eyebrow, “So….”

Tommy groans and covers his eyes with his hands before resolutely dragging them through his hair.

“I’m guessing you and Sixx have history then.” Duff says gently, settling against the door next to Tommy.

Tommy closes his eyes and feels the words sink into his brain. History. Images of Nikki grabbing him around the waist, the both of them giggling loudly as they dance crazy and wild in the living room, of Nikki wrapping his arms around his waist from behind randomly and pressing his lips to his shoulder softly to inhale his scent, flash before his eyes and he walks to the table where the liquor is. He grabs the first thing he sees, a bottle of vodka in an ice bucket and unscrews it to take a gulp as he stands there.

Duff nods, “Yeah, definitely history. Shit, I knew Sixx was fucked up over someone, never imagined it would be over Tommy fucking Lee.”

Tommy whips his head around to stare at the blond haired alpha, “What do you mean?”

“Dude, Nikki has been a damn mess ever since I met him. We didn’t know what his deal was, you know? Because he doesn’t do the typical rock star shit, like yeah, he drinks like no one I have ever seen and he’ll take a bump every now and again and he smokes weed whenever you offer but the whole one night stand, fucking groupies, going to strip clubs, all that other shit, he wants nothing to do with. We couldn’t believe it because Nikki Sixx is one crazy mother fucker, we thought for sure that he would have a constant rotation of omega’s and beta’s but he was never with anyone. So we asked Sammy because he’s the only one who will talk about it and he said that Sixx fucked up his shot with his true mate and he hasn’t been interested in anyone since. Guessing that was you.”

Tommy bites his lip, taking in the information and feeling his heart hurt at the thought of his alpha in pain over him. “We were always, we were always so intense you know?”

Duff doesn’t say anything, just nods and listens like he knows that Tommy needs to just talk it out.

“It was immediate, like a gasoline fire, coming to life so fucking fast but it just never, it never burned out. I think we almost half expected it to, that’s why we took a couple weeks to acknowledge it but it just never went away. Not after we confessed, not after we got together, not even after months of being a couple. It was incredible because it meant that everything was so passionate, everything was electric and so fulfilling but it was a double edged sword because when we fought, Christ, we fought hard. That’s what did it, a stupid fucking fight we should never have gotten into. He said some things, I said some terrible shit back, and then he said some really terrible shit and it just spiraled out of control until we broke and neither of us could bring ourselves out of our heart break to try to repair it.”

Duff watches Tommy as he takes another pull from the vodka bottle, his eyes are closed, brown waves still falling softly around his face and every inch of him screams longing. Sixx is a fucking lucky guy.

“You still love him.”

Tommy lowers the vodka bottle and opens his eyes and the look he gives Duff, the sad little smile, is heartbreaking, “Of course I still love him. He’s my true mate. I knew it from that very first night we met in that dingy little fucking diner.”

Duff is nodding suddenly, and it confuses Tommy because the blond alpha looks resolute as he says, “Why don’t we get some air? You go wait out there on the balcony and I’ll be right back, I’m just going tell Zutaut that you’re okay and you’re calming down so he doesn’t come bothering you.”

Tommy finds himself nodding along gently, some air would be nice and there weren’t any people out there on the balcony. So he slides the glass door open as Duff walks out of the kitchen and closes it behind him.

Zutaut had been right, California does get chilly at night but Tommy has lived here all his life and he embraces it happily. It feels nice against his stress heated skin and he walks over to lean his elbows on the wide stone railing and look out over the garden.

He’s taking another long sip from his vodka bottle when he hears the door behind him slide open and shut again and he turns around as he says, “Well that didn’t take too long.”

But it isn’t Duff standing there just a few feet away from him. Of course it isn’t. Because life isn’t fair like that and it doesn’t care what Tommy thinks he wants, it only cares about what he needs.

Which is why Nikki stands there like one of Tommy’s damn dreams. Tommy is quiet as he drinks in the sight of the alpha in front of him, eyes tracking over the familiarities of his features and noting the changes, how his body seems broader, muscles thicker than just a year ago but his face and his eyes are looking at Tommy like they always used to, with that damn expression that made Tommy feel like the most important thing in the whole damn world to Nikki.

It makes him angry.

“What do you want Sixx, I’m trying to drink myself into a stupor here.” Tommy says as he turns his back to the man so he wouldn’t have to see his eyes anymore.

“Tommy.”

The omega fucking flinches at the sound of his name like that. Nikki didn’t speak it so much as breathed it reverently, and he needed to shut that shit down right now.

“Don’t say my name like that.” Tommy snaps at him, whirling back around to face his past head on. Nikki is looking at with a determined expression that literally scares the hell out of Tommy, the omega’s eyes widening when Nikki starts walking towards him.

“Stay the fuck away from me Sixx.” Tommy warns him, but his voice is nowhere near as strong as he wants it to be, cracking underneath the weight of his emotions as Nikki gets closer to him.

Nikki just shakes his head and simply says, “No baby.”  

There are tears in Tommy’s eyes again at the pet name and he’s weakly demanding, “Don’t fucking call me that.”

But Nikki is right on top of him then and his arms are wrapping around Tommy like they belong there, one going around his waist to pull him close and the other coming up to bury his fingers in Tommy’s hair and cradle the back of his head as the omega melts into him with a sob, face buried in Nikki’s neck.

Nikki is pressing gentle kisses into his hair but he’s breathing harshly and Tommy can feel tears dropping to land on his shoulder but he’s sobbing too, shoulders shaking with his hands against Nikki’s chest, the alpha’s heart beating so fucking fast as he talks, “I know, fucking hell, baby, I know, should have done this that night, I was so stupid, Jesus Christ Tommy, baby.”

Tommy cries soften at that, just enough for him to stammer out, “What the fuck happened? What the hell happened to us?”

Nikki is pulling back just enough to look into Tommy’s face and his cheeks are wet with tears when he shakes his head again, “It was me baby. It was all fucking me. I got, I was so caught up in portraying this image of what I thought I should be and I let it get way too fucking out of hand. Fuck Tommy, I was so fucking disrespectful towards you, I should never have even let that slut come near me, let alone… fuck and even then I should have stopped it the minute you said it upset you.”

Tommy looks away to the side, his own guilt eating him up until he says, “I shouldn’t have flirted with that guy in the bar that night. It was fucking petty and I knew it was a bad idea, I was just so mad and upset and I-”

Nikki cups the side of Tommy’s face gently with one hand to turn it back to meet his gaze, calloused thumb swiping over his cheekbone to brush the tears away as they continue to fall, “You had every fucking right to do whatever you could to try to get me to see how much I was hurting you Tommy. When I saw you with him, fuck I had already been drinking and that just sent me into a rage and when I got closer and heard him fucking say that shit about taking you away from me, I just lost control for the rest of the night. I was so scared Tommy, I was so fucking scared of that happening, you have no damn idea because I knew, I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. I let that fear and my own damn fucking ego influence me and I didn’t mean a goddamn thing I said to you that night baby. If nothing else, I need you to know that. I didn’t mean a single word.”

Tommy lets the words fall over him and feels his heart break all over again at how they had let something like this ruin them, keeping his eyes locked with Nikki’s when he asks something that has kept him awake for many nights over the past year, “Why didn’t you come after me? Why didn’t you call? I was waiting for you Nikki. Do you know how much I fucking tortured myself with wanting to call but refusing to because I thought that maybe you didn’t want me around anymore? Part of me knew you still loved me, part of me knew that it was just a stupid fucking fight that got out of hand but as soon as that part of me would convince me to call, I would think about what you said and I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the thought, the possibility that maybe that was really how you felt.”

Nikki makes a pained sound in the back of his throat, more tears tracking softly down his face as he presses his forehead into Tommy’s and the omega can’t help how his hands curl over the sides of his neck, Nikki’s pain a reflection of his own.

“I’m sorry Tommy. I’m so absolutely and completely fucking sorry. I was the moment I finished talking but the look on your face...”

Nikki suddenly releases the grip he has on Tommy and the omega feels the loss of contact in the form of a physical pain as the other man take a few steps away and looks out over the railing, “I didn’t fucking deserve you Tommy. I don’t deserve you. The expression on your face that night before you ran out the door, I did that. That was my fault, I made you feel like that and that fucking haunted me. I couldn’t call you, I was afraid that if I did, if you came back, I would do something to put that expression back on your face again eventually. You were better off without me.”

Tommy bites his lip softly. There were a million ways that he could respond to that and initially he wants to yell at Nikki that he’s a fucking idiot because not only was that completely untrue, that also wasn’t Nikki’s choice to make. But he knows Nikki, he knows him so well and being back in his arms, even as stressful and brief as it had been, has brought back in stark relief just how desperately Tommy had missed him.

“You never got it Sixx. You could never quite understand that you’re not the bad guy.”

Nikki shifts his gaze back to Tommy quickly, eyes wide and mouth open like he wants to protest but Tommy doesn’t give him the opportunity, “You’ve never been the bad guy Nikki. No matter what you think about yourself, it’s just not the truth. You try to be sometimes, but you can’t quite manage to be what you seem to think you are. Better off without you? I was fucking miserable every damn day. You hurt me that night Nik, but I hurt you too. You don’t carry the responsibility for where we are now alone.”

The alpha shakes his head, about to respond when the doors to the balcony are suddenly thrown open, a drunken couple practically falling through the doors before crowding themselves against the railing to make out without even a glance to see who was around them.

Tommy has to let out a breathy laugh as he wipes at the tear tracks on his cheeks. He remembers when he and Nikki used to be like that, their passion consuming any sense of shame or modesty. Nikki must be thinking the same thing because he’s looking at Tommy with a wistful little smile.

“Not exactly the best setting to have this conversation I guess.” Nikki sighs gently, moving a little closer to Tommy now to keep their words private.

Tommy shakes his head, wrapping his arms around himself, unsure of what to say or do now that the emotionally charged moment has been broken.

Nikki reaches a hand up to sweep through his hair, pushing it back off his face before he grimaces, obviously at war with what he’s about to say but forcing the words out anyway, “Do you want to go back to the party? It looked like you were having fun before, with… with Duff.”

Tommy can see how the statement hurts him to say, can see how hard Nikki is trying to respect that Tommy isn’t his anymore and not get possessive but Tommy doesn’t want to go back to the party. He doesn’t want to go back to flirting with Duff and pretending like Nikki is just another person in the room, like they weren’t still desperate for each other.

Tommy didn’t know a lot right now, he was confused and overwhelmed but if there was one thing he knew with certainty it was that he had never stopped loving Nikki. Even just standing here next to the alpha after everything that had happened over the last year has Tommy feeling like something in him is finally settling back into place, a warmth reawakening that piece of him that had been dormant without his bassist.

If they were going to fix this, if they had a second chance, it wasn’t going to happen with them parting ways here and acting like nothing had happened for the rest of the night.

So Tommy shakes his head, “I don’t want to go back to the party Nikki…”

The bassist lets out a long exhale, relief clear on his face before hesitating. It’s new to Tommy, to see Nikki acting so cautious, so careful and unsure.

“I could drive you home? We could talk a little more in the car, if you want?”

“It’s your party Nikki. Fuck, you guys got signed! You should stay and enjoy it.” Tommy is earnest when he says it, despite wanting nothing more than to continue talking. He doesn’t know what’s going to come of this, if it’s closure that he’s after or maybe something more, the idea of a second chance settling dangerously in his mind and in his heart the more Nikki looks at him. But just because he isn’t exactly in a party mood anymore doesn’t mean that Nikki shouldn’t stay and celebrate.

But Nikki’s lips pull into that smile that always leaves Tommy a little breathless, the alpha reaching towards him to sweep some of the curls around Tommy’s face back behind his ear, “Like I give a fuck about anything else in the world when I have the chance to stay with you just a little bit longer.”

“Nikki…” Tommy whispers his name so softly, like he couldn’t help himself, it makes Nikki shudder to hear it from the omega’s lips.

“Let me drive you home Tommy, please?” Nikki is almost begging at this point and he looks completely unbothered by this fact. So okay with pleading for just a few more minutes of his time that Tommy is nodding without even thinking about it.

“Yeah, okay. Okay Nik.”

The dark haired bassist nods in acceptance, hand coming down to rest against the small of his back and lead him through the doors. Tommy sets the bottle of vodka he had swiped back on the counter top as they move through the kitchen, not needing it as much as he had when he walked away from Nikki earlier that night.

Nikki’s hand is warm against his lower back and it lights him up in a way he hasn’t felt in the past year. Such simple contact, such a simple touch but even so, it’s eliciting more passion from him than the entire experience of the four one night stands he has had over the past year. It’s deliciously distracting, so much so that Tommy barely notices his surroundings as they move through the house, not even acknowledging anyone who calls out to him and Nikki is much the same, moving at a steady pace with single minded determination.

The valet brings Nikki’s car so fast that they barely get the opportunity to even look at each other, eyes meeting shyly and cautiously. Tommy grins when the car pulls up. He knows nearly nothing about cars, but he recognizes the sleek black vehicle as one that Nikki used to go on and on about when they were together.

Nikki notices his eyes light up in recognition and laughs softly, “My signing bonus was well spent, yeah?”

Tommy laughs along with him, suddenly so happy for the other man. He knows that Nikki’s upbringing was tumultuous, between his neglectful mother and living poor with his grandparents. Being able to buy something that he had dreamed about for years, owning something that, was absolutely incredible.

“That’s a fucking understatement.” Tommy teases as Nikki insists on opening his door instead of the valet attendant.

Nikki slides into the driver’s seat and as soon as he starts the car, the engine roaring to life, heat shoots through Tommy so abruptly he nearly gasps. Nikki just looks so good like this, just as fucking gorgeous as he always was and the whole scenario is suddenly crashing into Tommy’s head like a wave. If they hadn’t been so stupid that night, if either of them had just been brave enough to reach out sooner, Tommy would have seen this on the regular. He’d have probably been there when Nikki went to purchase the damn car in the first place.

If the past year hadn’t happened, Tommy would be able to do something about the lust rushing through him at the sight of Nikki right now. Tommy blushes when he realizes that he probably wouldn’t have hesitated to do exactly what he wanted, how he would have undone his seatbelt so he could lean over far enough to bury his face in Nikki’s lap, how he would have pressed kisses to Nikki’s length through the material of his jeans until Nikki would growl at him like he used to when he would tease. How he would have continued to go much further than that.

Nikki is inhaling sharply suddenly and the sound has Tommy blinking away the daze that he had been in just in time to hear what Nikki says, “Tommy, baby, whatever you’re thinking about, please stop.”

Tommy’s blush deepens when he realizes that sometime during his heated daze he had gotten wet. Jesus Christ, has anyone ever been able to wind him up like that just by sitting in the damn driver’s seat of a fucking car?

“Sorry…” Tommy says quietly in embarrassment and Nikki turns to him sharply, eyes dark and serious.

“Don’t ever be sorry for that Tommy. Fuck, I’m so deliriously happy that you even still… fuck, that you even want me like that. I just, you smell so fucking good babe and it’s making it really difficult to control myself and I don’t think it’s going to help us talk about everything we need to talk about if I jump you right here in my car.”

Tommy shivers, a small part of him wanting to encourage Nikki to do just that, but he was right. They had a lot to work out before coming close to that point.

So he takes a deep breath, trying to cool down a little bit and decides to tease the older man to break the tension, “You’re right Nikki, it’s just, it’s a really fucking nice car.”

The alpha laughs at that, the sound just as boisterous as Tommy remembered and it has him laughing too. Nikki quiets down to a chuckle and brings up the navigation screen.

“What’s your address babe?” Nikki asks and Tommy leans forward to put the address in, looking at the estimated time of 25 minutes and then Nikki is grinning.

“Want to see how much we can beat that time by?” Nikki challenges, voice mischievous as the engine revs and Tommy feels a tingle of excitement creep into his chest.

“Trying to impress me Nik?” Tommy asks, brown eyes bright as he looks into Nikki’s pale green ones.

Nikki grins, “Fucking always babe.”

Tommy doesn’t even have time to respond after that because he’s letting out a small surprised yelp as Nikki floors it and takes the fuck off. He hears the alpha chuckling again and he reaches out to slap his arm for scaring him but he’s laughing anyway too.

It’s so easy. So ridiculously easy falling back into the fun, playful flirting. This was how it was supposed to be, the two of them laughing as Nikki sped down the streets of Los Angeles with Tommy encouraging him to go faster, music blasting out of open windows and by the time they pull into an open space on the street outside of Tommy’s apartment, a full ten minutes faster than their navigation had said, both of their cheeks hurt from smiling.

Tommy knows his hair is an absolute wreck from the wind but Nikki’s eyes are moving over him after they park and sit there for a minute, and Tommy feels more stunning with the bassist staring at him with that look in his eyes than he does glammed out in front of the camera for work.

“I always loved when you looked at me like that.”

The words are escaping his lips before Tommy has a chance to pull them back but Nikki smiles at him softly, “Like what?”

Tommy looks down briefly, biting his lip as he thinks about it before deciding to just say it, “Like you think I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.”

Nikki’s smile grows, his eyes still warm and intense as he stares at him, “I always look at you like that.”

Tommy nods and exhales a shaky breath, “I know.”

Nikki reaches out slowly, giving Tommy time to stop him if he wants to as he cups his cheek in his hand, thumb rubbing softly over his cheekbones, “We didn’t really talk like we were supposed to.”

Tommy leans into the caress, eyes closing as he thinks over what he wants to do. He knows most people in his position would do the logical thing, the safe thing. They would tell Nikki that they can meet up tomorrow or whenever they both had free time. They would take this slow, take the time to heal together before moving on to maybe try a relationship again.

Tommy opens his eyes, knowing exactly what he wants to say.

“You could come up? To talk now, if you want.” Tommy has never been most people.

Nikki is looking at him searchingly, silent for a minute as he takes his hand away before nodding.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s talk.”

They’re quiet as Tommy scans his key card to let them into the lobby and they wait for an elevator. Nikki is looking around curiously, trying to acquaint himself with this new aspect of Tommy’s life that he missed out on.

Tommy likes his apartment. He could afford something bigger if he really wanted, but he never really felt the need for more when it was just him. A part of him reasons that maybe he just didn’t have the enthusiasm over the past year that he once did and that was why he didn’t necessarily care about having fun with his money. But still, he lived in a nice area and the building had been an old 1940’s hotel that had been renovated into apartments. His own unit is nice, with tall ceilings and massive windows that give a stunning view of the city but with that interesting old world charm that makes it unique. When they make it to the peak floor nine stories up and Tommy opens his front door, Nikki grins wide and nods to himself in some sort of approval.

“I love it T, not something I’d expect from a Gucci model but I absolutely fucking love it.”

Tommy blushes as he throws his keys and phone onto the small table by the door and takes his shoes off to get more comfortable, “Oh, you saw that huh?”

Nikki surprises him by blushing too, the older man toeing his own shoes off to match Tommy, “Uh, yeah, well... I don’t want to say that I stalked you on social media for the last six months but that’s kind of exactly what I was doing I guess.”

“Oh.” Tommy says quietly, and Nikki would be worried but the omega has a small little smile on his face.

“Yeah.” Nikki exhales, looking around as they stand in the front entrance of Tommy’s apartment.

Tommy feels nerves flood him suddenly. It was easier in the car when they had something fun to distract them but there’s something much more intimate about having Nikki in his apartment. He had tried to completely erase any sign of Nikki from his life when he had left and now the man was here, standing barefoot in his home.

He takes a shaky breath and moves to the open kitchen, needing an outlet for his nervous energy, already opening up cabinets and getting glasses down as he asks, “Do you want anything? I mean, I haven’t restocked my liquor but I have wine that someone left here if you want some.”

Tommy nearly screams when he feels hands touch his waist softly to settle and turn him around.

“Wine is good T, why don’t you sit down and I’ll get it?” Nikki asks him slowly, obviously trying to calm him down a little bit.

Tommy nods and follows Nikki’s suggestion, sitting himself down on the couch and taking a few deep breaths until Nikki hands him a glass of some sort of white wine, sitting the bottle on the coffee table and sitting down himself a respectful distance away. Tommy doesn’t know if he wishes he would move closer or further. Not sure what would settle his nerves better.

They drink quietly for a few minutes, trying to figure out where to start. There’s so much Tommy wants to say and yet everything escapes him at the moment but he has to say something and a sudden thought lights up in his head.

“Duff said that you haven’t been with anyone in the past year.”

Tommy blushes when Nikki starts coughing on the sip of wine he was taking. And he can’t really blame him, of all the places to start, Tommy chooses that.

“He fucking told you that?” Nikki groans, hand coming up to cover his eyes in what seems to be mortification.

“Don’t be mad at him, he was trying to get me to calm down and I think he could sense that we, you know that we had history and was probably just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.” Tommy tried to sooth.

Nikki shakes his head and moves his hand but he keeps his eyes on the glass of wine in his hands, “He wasn’t.”

Tommy looks at the other man in confusion, body twisting to settle so that he’s angled towards the alpha, “He wasn’t what?”

Nikki sighs and moves so that he mirrors Tommy, looking him in the eyes again, “He wasn’t just telling you what you wanted to hear. I haven’t been with anyone in the past year.”

Tommy widens his eyes as he stares at the bassist incredulously, “Why?”

Nikki downs the rest of his wine and then sighs, “Tommy, you... you really have no idea how much it hurt me to lose you do you? I fucking, I hated myself. When you ran out, I wanted to follow you, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get myself to move because I was so fucking angry at myself and then you didn’t come back. You didn’t call, you didn’t text. You were always so much better than me with talking things out and expressing yourself and I was being selfish again by waiting for you to reach out but when you didn’t, I fucking lost it. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, and I thought the only way I could do that was by staying away.”

“That was stupid.” Tommy replies heatedly, “We were both so fucking stupid.”

Nikki nods solemnly, “I know. I know that now. Seeing you sitting on that table, I swear, I think my breathing just stopped. My whole body stopped. Vince literally had to drag me forward. You were just there and so damn stunning, fuck Tommy, how could I have wanted anyone after you?”

Tommy feels his eyes watering but he can’t cry anymore tonight. He thinks back to the one night stands he had while trying to forget Nikki and he feels so guilty that he’s covering his face with his free hand to hide.

“Babe, Tommy, it’s okay baby.” Nikki is scooting closer to him and gently pulling his hand away. “It’s okay if you were with someone else. You didn’t owe me shit, and besides, I wouldn’t have wanted you to go through a heat by yourself.”

Tommy’s eyes widen again and frantically catch Nikki’s gaze because no, he absolutely can’t think that.

“I didn’t spend my heat with anyone Nikki. How in the absolute hell, that was never an option. I couldn’t, you… you’re the only alpha I ever want for my heat Nik.”

Nikki growls at that and the sounds sends shivers down Tommy’s spine and heat through his lower stomach. That sound was always one of Tommy’s favorites, it was just so primal, so deep and possessive that it never failed to get him hot and now is no exception.

Nikki swallows hard and lets go of Tommy’s hand, “I think I need to go baby.”

Tommy flat out whines at that, still caught up in the headspace that Nikki’s growl had sent him into but he comes out of it quickly enough, “Wait, what, but what are we…”

“Babe, I don’t want to leave. Trust me. But between what you just said and your earlier stunt in the car… I may not be a bad guy but I’m not a saint either baby and I’m really running out of self-control here and I’m trying to respect your space.”

Tommy frowns, heat still spreading through him at the blatant desire in Nikki’s eyes. He doesn’t want Nikki to leave. It’s such a sudden but desperate thought that Tommy is reaching forward and grabbing at Nikki’s hand, “Don’t leave.”

Nikki’s eyes soften and his fingers of his free hand rake through Tommy’s hair until it rests under his jaw, “Let me take you to dinner tomorrow.”

Tommy blinks in confusion, dizzy from how all the different directions this night has gone, “Huh?”

Nikki nods and smiles nervously at him, “Dinner T. You know, like a date. Or a pre-date, or just a get together between friends who may or may not pursue each romantically after a period of healing. Whatever you want it to be, this is totally up to you-”

Tommy laughs softly and nods just to put Nikki out of his misery, “It’s a date.”

Nikki laughs, “Okay. So it’s a date.”

Tommy smiles but then Nikki is pressing a sweet kiss to the fingers of the hand Tommy had used to grab his and getting up to walk to the door.

This is good, Tommy thinks. This is beyond anything he could have ever hoped for and really, to go one day without Nikki in his life to having a date with him the next day was far faster than most people would have moved were they in his situation so he should be satisfied. He should be okay with letting Nikki leave and then going to bed by himself. That’s healthy.

Tommy is moving before he even thinks about it, “Nikki.”

The alpha turns around just in time for Tommy to wrap his arms around his neck and press their lips together and the absolute sigh of relief that Nikki lets out makes Tommy melt, releasing his own desperate little noise when Nikki’s hands find their way to his hips automatically.

They part gently, arms still around each other tightly as they stare with half lidded eyes.

“Tommy…” Nikki groans, obviously still fighting with himself about giving Tommy more time.

The omega just nudges his nose against Nikki’s cheek softly, breathing in his scent, “Stay Nikki. I want you to stay.”

Nikki nudges Tommy’s cheek back before reconnecting their lips in a brief, sweet kiss. They part again and Nikki exhales loudly, “God, Tommy.”

Tommy feels delirious when Nikki surges forward to press him against the door, lips pressing harshly against his in desperation and Tommy feels more alive than he has all year.

Nikki groans at the absolute plushness of the omega’s lips, the feeling better than he could have ever imagined after an entire year apart. He pushes harder against Tommy’s lips, dragging his hands down his sides to grip at his waist and hold him as close as possible. When Tommy gasps he can feel it and Nikki can’t help himself from running his tongue over the omega’s full bottom lip, angling his head so he can lick into the drummer’s mouth.

Nikki feels his body burning, igniting all the more at the way Tommy whines into the kiss, the way his hands reach up again to tangle in his hair, until he feels drunk off the feeling, no whiskey needed, breaking the contact of their lips to trail kisses and nips along the omega’s jaw and down his neck, firmly licking at the scent gland just underneath his ear. The moan Tommy lets out is so loud and unexpectedly high pitched, but he couldn’t have held it in for anything. Nikki is here with him, he’s touching him just the way he loves and Tommy wants this, wants it so badly and that only becomes more true when Nikki growls his approval as a wave of arousal crashes through him.

He smells so sweet, so fresh, Nikki can’t get enough as he keeps licking and nipping at the gland until he starts to smell the heat of arousal thick around Tommy’s usual honey orange scent and that, that just sets him off even more.

His hands run firmly over Tommy’s hips until they come to a stop on his ass, squeezing both cheeks and the omega keens and pushes his hips up into Nikki’s, the alpha answering with an automatic roll of his own before he grips the backs of Tommy’s perfect fucking thighs, thankful for the natural strength that comes from being an alpha as he lifts him easily to wrap those sinfully long legs around his waist, hips pinning the drummer’s to the door.

The move surprises Tommy, body heating up even more at how effortlessly Nikki lifted him, thighs trembling around the bassist’s hips as he feels himself slicking up, getting wet because of the man he loves in between his legs. It’s straight out of a dream but so much better because it’s real and Tommy uses the grip he has on Nikki’s hair to tilt his face back up and kisses him desperately.

Nikki is sharply inhaling through his nose suddenly and he pulls back from the kiss to stare sharply into Tommy’s eyes, his own pale greens dark and wild and it makes Tommy whine to see him that way again. But the alpha shakes his head, rests his forehead against the drummer’s again.

“Is this too fast babe? Do I need to slow down because shit, I can fucking smell how wet you are and if we don’t stop now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to. Tell me, tell me what you want baby.” His voice is pitched so low and his cock throbs when he smells the slick Tommy is producing, struggling to keep his hips still as he flexes his hands around the omega’s thighs.

Tommy is shaking his head, hands carding through Nikki’s long black hair and pulling him back a little to look him in the face, “Don’t stop, Nikki, alpha, don’t stop please.”

Nikki groans, hips rocking forward against Tommy’s, grinding against him deliciously as his hands move back to grip the omega’s ass to hold him up more firmly.

“Don’t fucking stop,” Tommy is saying again, dragging his lips down Nikki’s neck, whimpering at the friction between his legs and the heavy forest rain scent that blossoms on his tongue when he licks over the alpha’s scent gland, giddy at the choked moan he gets as a reward. “It’s not, ah, it’s not too fast, it’s perfect. It’s right, it’s, fucking finally Sixx.”

Nikki feels his lips pull into a smile, “Fucking finally.”

Then he pulls Tommy against him roughly with the grip he has on his ass, making sure he has him secure in his arms before he pulls them away from the door.

Tommy’s legs tighten around his hips, arms around his shoulders, and the needy noise he makes in his throat is intoxicating.

“Don’t worry baby, I won’t drop you.” Nikki teases, thinking Tommy’s gasp and tight grip are from the fear of falling. He keeps them upright as Tommy hides his face in his neck, the omega’s hands moving from his shoulders to feel where the muscles are tight and flexed in his arms.

“I know you won’t, you’re so strong, my alpha.” Tommy calls him so breathlessly, it has Nikki walking back to press him up against the wall next to the door, surging forward to devour the youngers lips in a rough kiss, running his tongue over every surface in Tommy’s mouth. His hands drag along the omega’s legs wrapped around him, up and down his waist, everywhere.

“Tommy, Tommy, fuck, I know baby. I know exactly how you like it.” Nikki thrills, biting at the base of Tommy’s neck in an instinctive bout of possession. “You like that I can carry you around, like that I can move you, shape you however I want. I could hold you up and fuck you right here baby, and you’d fucking love it, wouldn’t you.”

Tommy keens, body burning, absolutely on fire. God, he loved this, always loved how Nikki would talk, Tommy can’t believe that he had forgotten this, but he can’t say those things and expect Tommy to be able to actually answer coherently.

“Come on baby, I want to hear you say it, need to hear what you want,” Nikki whispers lowly in his ear, one hand coming up to grip Tommy’s chin to force him to look at him. Nikki’s breath rushes out of him when he sees the omega’s face, the blush staining his cheeks, curly hair messy, big brown eyes dilated and lips kiss swollen. “Need you to tell me everything you like babe, want to hear everything, want to make it so good for you.”

Tommy moans when Nikki’s hips start moving again, the alpha staring into his eyes expectantly, and really, Nikki did such a wonderful job communicating tonight, so good at starting to bring them back together like they should be, he could do this now for the other man if it means that much.

So he nods, hands clenching on Nikki’s shoulders and nosing at his neck, “I like it Nikki, it’s so good, makes me feel so good, want more baby.”

“Fuck. I’ll give it to you babe, give you anything you want, always.” Nikki pulls him away from the wall and walks him through the kitchen and into the hallway before he stops, “Where do you want me babe? You’re bed, the wall, the floor, god wherever you want, I’m there.”

Tommy laughs at the question, Nikki grinning at the sound. But Tommy quiets after a few seconds and bites his lip, eyes hooded, small smirk growing along with some of his confidence. Nikki isn’t the only one who can tease.

The omega pulls lightly on the long black strands at the base of Nikki’s hairline, reveling in the groan the alpha lets out, the way his hands tighten on his ass, “My bed baby, want you to take me in my bed, want you to get your scent all over it and me, please, alpha.”

Nikki breaths in sharply, heat punching through his gut and he starts down the hall, kicking the door open that Tommy points to, “Don’t fucking push me Tommy. I’m struggling to control myself as it is.”

“Don’t,” Tommy gasps as Nikki drops him down onto the bed before kneeling between the omega’s spread legs. Nikki stops at the word, hands kneading into the younger boy’s thighs, but not moving down and Tommy realizes that he didn’t finish his sentence. He had gotten overwhelmed by the alpha’s scent surrounding him and the notion of having Nikki in his bed like this.

“Don’t control yourself Nik, I want it, I want you so bad, can fucking handle anything you give me.” Tommy reaches up and uses a hand on Nikki’s neck to pull himself up, arching his back to peck the alpha on the lips, “I can handle you, baby.”

Nikki’s growl comes from deep in his chest as he reaches out and pulls the black tee shirt off of Tommy swiftly before pushing him back down. Tommy’s a fucking perfect omega, so fucking beautiful just like Nikki remember, long slender limbs, flat stomach, small waist. Nikki eyes the small swell of his hips through the fishnet with hunger, hands yanking his own tank top over his head and throwing it off to the side before sinking down into the omega’s arms and attaching his mouth to Tommy’s collarbones, biting harshly to hear him yelp and then soothing the mark with soft licks, moving on to suck bruises into the line of his throat. His hands smooth up the soft skin of his sides until he gets to his chest, both thumbs rubbing at his nipples.

Tommy whines, long and needy as Nikki continues the assault on his chest, fingers pinching and pulling as he sits back to watch the omega squirm, “Fuck, yeah, you can handle me. I know you can babe, I remember, you’re going to be so good for me, already making me so fucking hard sweetheart.”

Nikki abandons one of his nipples to grab a hand that Tommy has thrown over his head, bringing it down and putting it on the bulge of his cock and even through the material of his jeans, the touch is heavenly.

“Feel that babe? That’s for you, you’re making your alpha so fucking hard because you’re so goddamn hot. Want you more than anything baby.”

Tommy can’t do much at this point but moan helplessly at the words, his hand rubs at Nikki’s cock through his jeans and the omega’s mouth waters because it’s so hard and feels so big in his hand, just like it always did.

“Shit, T.” Nikki groans, ducking back down to kiss him roughly, fast, before moving down to take a nipple into his mouth, sucking gently and flicking his tongue against it, loving the way Tommy arches it further into his mouth, hands attaching to Nikki’s hair, pulling lightly and whimpering so pretty for him.

Nikki continues to kiss his way down, sucks a bruise or two into his ribs and then busies himself with making hickies across his hips as he unbuttons and unzips the tight black jean still keeping him from seeing all of the drummer.

“Nikki, mmm, feels so good, come here, please, fuckin’ want to kiss you.” And really, Nikki doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to deny his drummer anything ever again, so he moves back up Tommy’s body and kisses him deep.

The alpha feels Tommy’s hands caressing down his chest and abs, fingers tracing the indents of the lean muscle, making him groan until the omega finally reaches his jeans, undoing his own button and opening the zipper, both struggling to push each other’s pants down while still staying connected in their kiss.

Eventually they break apart in giggles when it of course doesn’t work, then Nikki kisses Tommy quickly once more before moving off him and the bed and hurriedly removing his jeans and underwear in one smooth movement. He groans at the relief of his cock being free from the tightness of his pants and when he looks up Tommy is staring at him with so much desire in his eyes, tongue coming out to wet his lips, and Nikki knows that look. He remembers that look so fucking well, it has him letting out a heated moan.

He gets back on the bed quickly and pushes Tommy down where the boy was attempting to get up with a firm hand on his chest.

“Now, now babe,” Nikki says as Tommy whines at being pushed back down, “As much as I am dying to see those pretty lips around my cock, I really don’t think I’ll last as long as I want inside of you if you do that first.”

Tommy pouts and it makes Nikki huff out a laugh in surprise, “You can blow me after baby, promise. Right now I just need to get inside of you before I go crazy.”

The omega moans and nods in acceptance, “Okay, okay Nik, just please, hurry.”

Nikki’s hands drop back down to Tommy’s hips, pushing down below the material of his pants and peeling them off slowly, eyes never leaving the omega’s until they’re completely off. Nikki’s heart pounds as his eyes run over every inch of the younger boy below him, moving to settle on his haunches so he can look at all of him. He’s so pretty, so goddamn pretty. His cock is long and thin, curving up along his pelvis, long legs smooth and slender and covered in those goddamn fishnets that drive him crazy to look at. Nikki pushes the stockings down his legs mournfully, sad to see them go but his mouth waters when he sees Tommy’s thighs glistening with slick. With his pants removed, the sweet smell of it is even stronger and Nikki feels desperation move him to grab Tommy’s ankles and drag him further down the bed so Nikki can run his hands down his legs, wrap them around the underside of his thighs and push them back towards the omega’s chest.

Tommy moans loudly at the rough action, feeling another wave of slick gush out of him at the manhandling and shivering at Nikki’s answering growl when the alpha sees it where he’s staring at him with those intense green eyes.

Tommy is fucking gorgeous ivory skin everywhere and Nikki could come just from looking at him for too long.

He has plans for now though, and as much as he wants to dive at the omega’s entrance immediately, Tommy’s thighs are driving him wild. Bending down from where he’s holding him up and open, Nikki groans when he sinks his teeth into the flesh of the inside of Tommy’s right thigh, making the boy underneath him cry out in surprise.

Tommy’s hands attach themselves to his hair again and when Nikki looks up, the omega is looking down at him, lips open and panting, expression absolutely wrecked as he whimpers when Nikki grinds his teeth into the flesh of his thigh. Nikki feels a little crazy, but he can’t stop licking and sucking at the soft skin, the taste of his slick sweet on his tongue and tempting him to move closer to the source but it’s not until Tommy begs him, strings of ‘Nik, please’ and ‘more, Nikki, god I need more’, does he move his hands to his ass, spreading him apart and giving a firm lick right over his hole.

“You’re so fucking pretty down here Tommy, so smooth and gorgeous for me babe, gonna eat you out so good.”

The broken whimper he gets is addicting and Nikki wants to hear it again, so he moves up a bit, lets Tommy’s legs fall onto his shoulders, hands groping at the firm cheeks in his palms, and presses his face in deep, tongue licking over his hole gently, gliding through his slick over and over until he firms his tongue up and feels Tommy opening up for it and drives it inside as deep as he can.

Tommy is floating, distantly he can hear himself making these embarrassing high pitched gasps with every thrust of Nikki’s tongue, arching his back and using the grip he has on the alpha’s hair to keep him in place as if the other boy had any notion of moving, but he can’t think about anything other than the pleasure he’s in. Tommy feels the pressure building in his lower stomach, heat getting too intense and his cock twitching as pre-come drips from the tip.

“Nn-Nikki, please, unnn, you have to stop, I’m gonna, ah, gonna come if you don’t s-stop.” Tommy moans and his toes curl when Nikki’s tongue rubs against the walls of his entrance.

Nikki pulls back just a little, enough for Tommy to see his lips, his nose and chin wet with his slick, his eyes are impossibly dark, jaw sharp and Tommy’s thighs tremble at the arousal that moves through him at the sight.

The alpha grins darkly when he feels it, turning to place a small kiss on the biggest bite mark he left on his thigh, “Then come babe, fucking want you to come from my mouth, I’ll make you come again when I’m inside you, don’t you worry about that.”

And then he’s diving back down, lips closing around Tommy’s rim and sucking hard while one of his hands squeezes around the omega’s cock and Tommy feels his orgasm ripped from him, body shaking and belatedly realizing that he had screamed Nikki’s name.

The alpha licks him through it, not stopping even when Tommy whines as he starts getting hard again too fast and it’s sensitive and so good it hurts a little.

Nikki pulls off with one last kiss to the omega’s thigh and moves back so that Tommy’s hips fall back down to the bed, hitching his legs up to wrap around his waist again and resting his weight on his forearms on either side of Tommy’s head so he can kiss him, groaning when Tommy starts sucking at his tongue. He rubs his hips against Tommy’s ass where it’s still tilted up a bit, cock getting wet from the slick the younger boy is still producing, the head catching on Tommy’s rim a few times.

“Nik, Nikki, need you inside me now, please, no more teasing, I’m so wet for you, ready for you, need you to fuck me, been waiting so long for it, please alpha, please.” Tommy babbles, desperate for the older boy to just slide into him already, tilting his hips up to try to get him inside.

Nikki lets out a harsh breath, “Baby, fuck, babe wait, need to get a condom.”

Tommy makes a plaintive whine in his throat before pushing at Nikki’s shoulders, the unexpected movement catching Nikki off guard so he’s easy for Tommy to push down onto his back and straddle him.

The alpha grunts when he feels Tommy reach a hand back and grab his cock, his hands flying up to hold the omega’s hips when the drummer rubs him against his entrance andTommy whimpers at the awestruck look on Nikki’s face.

“I’m clean, I’m clean Nik and I know you are too and I’m on birth control. We don’t need a condom, want to feel you in me, please baby.” Tommy bites his lip, wanting to sink down onto Nikki’s cock, has been wanting it in him since Nikki took off his pants and he saw it, big and hard and as perfect as Tommy remembered.

Nikki groans, shooting to sit up straight, mouth meeting Tommy’s in an open kiss, arms wrapping around his waist and hips and pulling him down so he sinks onto the alpha’s cock below him. Tommy feels his heart swelling as they finally start connecting in the most intimate way.

Nikki grits his teeth as inch by inch his cock disappears into Tommy’s warmth, he feels heady, light headed and Tommy is panting by the time he’s fully seated. Tommy can see the tears clinging to Nikki’s lash line as they sit still for a minute, body’s getting used to the sensation of being connected again. Nikki needs to distract himself from the surge of emotions flooding through him so he grips Tommy’s ass roughly, and talks.

“Fuck babe, fucking hell baby, you feel so good around me. Took my cock so well babe, so tight and wet, beyond my dreams, can’t wait to fuck you, can you move now sweetheart? Wanna see you fuck yourself on my cock.” Tommy’s body is a live wire listening to his alpha whispering filth in his ears and his hips start rocking without him even thinking about it when Nikki asks him to move.

He’s gentle at first, just a soft rocking motion but before he knows it he’s bouncing himself onto Nikki’s cock, hips grinding when he sinks all the way down, his alpha gripping his hips, fingers sinking into the flesh and groaning into his ear.

It feels so good, so good beyond anything Tommy has ever felt in the past year and his mind jumps back to earlier when Nikki had asked him to let him know what he liked and so he starts to tell him.

“Nngh, Nikki, oh, so good, your cock is so good, baby, I want it, want it more, want more, don’t hold back.”

Nikki snarls in his ear, throwing Tommy down against the mattress, arms over his head, before hitching his legs around his waist and sinking his cock back into his entrance. The wet sound makes Tommy squirm because he’s dripping, he doesn’t think his body has ever produced so much slick outside of a heat before. Nikki sets a brutal pace, thrusting into Tommy with smooth thrusts that end with a snap that have him moaning every time his cock punches into him.

The alpha gives his own deep, long moan when he feels Tommy purposely tightening around him, teasing him and Nikki smacks his ass once in warning.

“Be good babe, be good for me. I don’t want to have to punish you.” Nikki smirks when Tommy flushes further, gasping when Nikki sits up and grips his hips hard enough to bruise, tilting them up to change the angle and nailing his prostrate on every other thrust. Tommy’s hands latch onto his shoulders, dragging him back down so they can slip to claw at his back, rolling his hips up to meet Nikki’s in a nasty grind that makes his legs shake.

Nikki is fucking hot above him, sleek with sweat, green eyes dark and narrowed in concentration, breathing harshly through open lips. Tommy can see his abs flexing every time he thrusts into him and he is winded by the thought that this beautiful man is in his arms again. The idea has him clawing into his back more harshly, giving his own dark grin through his panting when Nikki hisses at the sensation and looks at him heatedly.

Tommy arches his back so he can bite at Nikki’s neck, sinking his own teeth into the base where it meets his shoulder and then licking at the mark, moaning into the alpha’s ear, “Mine, my alpha, mine.”

Hearing the possession in the declaration snaps something in Nikki and Tommy licks his lips at the wild look in the alpha’s eyes before the older boy is pulling out, flipping him over, pulling up on his hips and growling out a “chest down” that has Tommy automatically complying, screaming when Nikki pounds back into him from behind.

Nikki has a bruising grip on his hips and he’s forcibly moving his ass to bounce back on his cock with every thrust forward and Tommy has never been fucked this good before. He feels dumb with pleasure, crying out because Nikki is hitting him just right every single time and he’s in total control of how Tommy moves and it’s so good, he’s crying.

“You’re so fucking hot babe, and all mine. Missed you so fucking much baby. I’m yours, your alpha, but you’re my fucking omega, my baby, mine.” Nikki’s voice is all base now, gritty and he growls at how fucking good Tommy looks below him. The drummer’s long slender back is bowed, chest to the bed just like he asked, skin glistening with sweat and face contorted in pleasure. He keeps making these ‘ah, ah, ah’s’ that are driving Nikki out of his mind, moans making Nikki’s cock twitch where he’s buried inside of him.

“You look so damn hot on my cock sweetheart, never seen anything so fucking beautiful, sound so good, do you feel good baby? Tell me how good you feel taking my cock.” Nikki lifts his hips up further and Tommy screams again.

“I- ahhh, nnngh Nn-nikki, ff-fuck, ahh I can’t, mmm…” Nikki smirks at the other boy, slowing his thrusts down until he’s just grinding his cock lightly into Tommy’s prostrate, making him shiver and whimper.

“Sorry baby, I was making it hard for you to answer me, go ahead now babe, tell me how good I’m making you feel, please, need to hear it baby.” Nikki whispers in his ear, leaning over to drape across his back, pushing his cock impossibly deeper into the omega beneath him.

Tommy whines, trying to push his ass back and fuck himself on Nikki’s cock, squeezing around him unconsciously to try to entice him into thrusting again, but all he gets for his effort is a smack to his ass that has him jolting.

“Please Nikki, please don’t stop, keep fucking me, it’s so good, the best, fucking me better than anyone else could alpha, I’m so close, gonna come again for you, plea- ahhhh!”

Tommy screams again when Nikki abruptly starts fucking him even harder than before, snapping his hips so hard Tommy is pushed up the mattress until he puts his hands against the headboard, making it bang against the wall harshly with every thrust.

Nikki leans forward and licks at the back of Tommy’s neck, feels the omega squeeze tightly around him, feels his body shake.

“I love you Tommy, fucking love you so much baby, come on, come for me again. Want to feel you come on my dick.”

And then Nikki bites down, right underneath Tommy’s scent gland and Tommy moans his name so loudly as he comes, hole contracting around his cock, Nikki couldn’t hold off his own orgasm if he tried, groaning lowly as his come flows into the omega and the brief instinctual flash of an idea bursts into his mind, of breeding Tommy, of seeing him swollen with his pups growing inside of him and his heart jolts and he’s dropping kisses along every inch of skin he can reach, pulling out of the younger boy slowly.

Tommy turns around onto his back and Nikki’s hands come up to cradle his jaw, peppering his face and neck with kisses, whispering under his breath, “Love you baby, I love you so much Tommy, can’t even fucking believe this is real, you did so good, so good babe, absolutely unreal. You’re fucking amazing.”

Tommy’s tired arms come up around his back, meeting Nikki’s mouth suddenly to kiss him, once, twice, again and again.

“I love you Nikki,” Tommy says, rubbing his nose against Nikki’s cheek, eyes a bit teary from the intense pleasure of their fucking and from how loved he feels with Nikki whispering endless praise and confessions of love. “Love you so fucking much, my alpha, missed you so much.”

Nikki settles onto his back and pulls Tommy to him with an arm around his waist. Tommy nuzzles his faces into Nikki’s chest, yawning but smiling right after when he feels Nikki burying his nose in his hair and inhaling.

Tommy’s eyes are falling shut against his will, still fighting against the pull of sleep until Nikki presses a kiss against his forehead, “Sleep baby.”

~April 12th, 2018~

Tommy slowly comes into consciousness with the feeling of arms wrapped around his waist and kisses being pressed into his neck from behind. He smiles, can’t help himself when his lover is touching him like this.

“You need to be careful there Sixx, I might start expecting this kind of treatment all the time.”

Nikki pauses his kisses for a short moment and Tommy feels his lips pull into a smile of his own against his skin.

“I’ll do this every day for the rest of our lives as long as you want me Tommy.”

~May 16th, 2019~

When he wakes up, Nikki is still asleep next to him. Tommy hadn’t pulled the blinds shut the night before and the sun is filtering into the windows and making Nikki’s tan skin glow. He’s so busy looking at the man that he doesn’t even notice that Nikki is awake and staring right back at him.

“Good morning baby.”

Tommy startles a little before blushing at the soft, loving look in Nikki’s eyes. He shifts onto his side so that he’s facing the alpha, “Hi.”

Nikki smiles and moves onto his own side to mirror Tommy, hand coming up to tangle gently into his curls, “Hi.”

“So that was, beyond fucking incredible.” Tommy says it quietly, enjoying the stillness of the moment.

Nikki nods emphatically but he’s sobering up quickly, “Are you okay though, I didn’t come here with that as my intention Tommy, I really want to do this right, I need to get this right.”

Tommy arches his back to press a soft kiss to Nikki’s lips, staying close when he pulls away, “I’m perfect Nikki. Screw how anyone else would handle this, that was us baby.”

Nikki’s smile spreads back onto his face and he presses their foreheads together with a happy little sigh,  “Yeah.”

He’s about to say more but Tommy’s stomach gives a loud growl and they laugh at the interruption.

Nikki grins, “You want to add a breakfast date to today’s agenda too?”

“Only if you take me to that diner where we met.”

Tommy knows they still have a lot to talk about. They have healing to do, both individually and together. He needs to apologize, he had been the one to run off after all and even if he had a good reason, he was serious when he told Nikki that he was responsible for their split as well. He needs to apologize to Mick and Vince for having left them like that and not even being strong enough to talk to them about it.

They need to catch up on everything that had happened over the past year, but Nikki gives him an excited laugh in response to his request, practically pulling him off the bed with him to get ready to go and says, “Anything for you baby.”

And Tommy knows that they’ll get to all of that. For now though, for now, he’s fully alive with Nikki. Just like they were always meant to be.

[bloodyxhands]

"We're going to be late, Mackz." The brunette settled herself in front of a mirror, reaching for a tube of lipstick. She'd fretted over which color to choose before going with a deep burgundy for her choice, and took her time in painting it across her lips. "I'm almost ready," the brunette replied. Giving another quick once over to herself and tussling her hair a bit so that it had an edge of 'mess' to it. Lou stood in the doorway of her bedroom, and Mackenzie could see her clearly through the mirror. Winking at the curly haired brunette, she finished recapping the lipstick before placing it back amongst the other tubes (of which she had way too many) and pushed up from her current spot. "Well come on, then." Slipping past where the opposite brunette was standing, the sound of her heels echoed against the hardwood floor as she went to retrieve her purse and house keys. Ten minutes later and they were in a cab headed towards the hospital's Christmas party. If it was anything like last years, neither female would be in any condition to drive home. Mackenzie had thankfully gotten Leo to babysit the girls for the night, so they could easily crash back at hers without having to worry. The trip to the party was short and sweet, barely twenty minutes in the cab before they pulled up in front of the building. Mack leaned forward, pulling a bill from her purse to pay the driver before grabbing Lou's hand and extracting her from the cab. She was ready to party, and if anything, she was ready to see Lou let loose. Last year she'd managed to get the brunette fairly pissed, and she was excited for a repeat of that situation. The two walked through the series of doors and down the hallways until they reached one of the large meeting rooms, the sound of Christmas music already blaring through the hallways causing a slight echo. Mackenzie dropped Lou's hand just shortly before they walked through the double doors to the conference room where the party was currently being held, delighted with the sight of their co-workers, most of them already feeling pretty good on that egg nog and whatever else kind of alcohol had been provided. There was something about drinking in the place where they worked that really seemed to set her co-workers ablaze. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, the brunette turned back, catching Louise's gaze. "I'm going to grab us a drink." Louise was immediately swarmed by a fellow nurse who was already three sheets to the wind and obviously excited to see the woman, which made Mackenzie giggle as she walked over towards the vast array of beverages and food choices. Popping a square of cheese into her mouth, the brunette grabbed two shots of tequila and with a delighted chuckle, weaved through the crowd until she managed to wrestle Louise from the overbearing woman. "Drink," she instructed, clinking her glass with Louise's. "Tequila, really?" "Would you have preferred whiskey? I'll get you whiskey after." Louise merely let a small sigh from her lips before repeating the action of clinking her shot with Mackenzie's before the two women downed them in an instant, the delightful burn settling deep within her throat. This started their night off in the right way, and the brunettes found themselves a corner, avoiding most of the drunken antics of their co-workers as they got themselves rightfully and completely pissed. Louise was not the type to get drunk on most occasions, but considering this was the last time the two of them would have to set foot in the hospital for a little over a week, she was taking advantage of the free alcohol that had been provided. Mackenzie had wandered off to to and flirt with the doctors, to which Lou just simply rolled her eyes. A slightly out of breath Mackenzie popped up nearly a half an hour later, reaching for the brunette who had settled herself away from most of the others. "Dance with me." "You're completely pissed." Louise's words were ever so slightly slurred which revealed that yes, she was also pissed, though she wouldn't have wanted to admit it. "Come on, Lou. I want to dance and can't be arsed with these people." "Go find a doctor to dance with." "Nope. I only have eyes for you," and with that, Mackenzie dragged Louise to the small area where people had started dancing around the room, placing her hands on Louise's hips to pull her closer. The brunette was a bit stiff at first, but eventually Lou began to melt away and have a bit more fun, and before long the two were dancing and singing along to the music that was blaring from the speakers. Christmas music had been abandoned for a more rock and roll vibe. Surging forward, Mackenzie wrapped her arms around her best friend, pulling her into a tight hug. "I love you, Lou." "Love you too, Mackz." Louise had replied begrudgingly, knowing that Mackz was far more intoxicated than she was, and the other brunette was intent on fixing that. Dragging Louise over towards the beverage table, the brunette then shouted out to gain the attention of her co-workers to kind of pressure Louise into drinking more. "Drink up, Lou!" A series of shouts and whatnot filled the air, egging the curly haired woman on, and she held out for a few minutes before finally giving in. Mackenzie stood at her side, swaying to the music as she watched Louise down not one, but three drinks in succession, and grabbed a hold of her friend once she noticed that she was slightly off balance. Well, this was going to be fun. Dragging Louise back to the makeshift dance floor, the brunettes continued to bounce and sway to the music into the wee hours of the night, until the party began to wind down and both of them were starting to feel a bit knackered. Arms slung across Mackenzie's shoulder, she then wrapped an arm around Louise's waist as the two made their way to the exit. Upon noticing a sprig of mistletoe had been adorned above the door, Mackenzie turned and planted a kiss on the very surprised Louise's lips. "Let's go home." Standing out in front of the hospital, the chill entered their bones as they dialed Harris's phone number. Louise was the one to call him, but Mackenzie was shouting lively in the background. "Harris, darling." "HAARRISSSSSSSSS." Though Louise's words were slurred, they were more maintanable than Mackenzie's outright yelling trying to gain the man's attention through the phone. "Can you come and pick us up?" "YEAH, PICK US UP HARRIS. IN A POLICE CAR. I'LL LET YOU HANDCUFF ME." Louise shot a glare in the woman's direction, smacking her on the arm to try and get the brunette to maintain herself. "Ayeeeeee," Mackenzie groaned, a huff of breath falling from her lips as she came to breathe over Louise's shoulder. Whispering at a volume that was quite louder than intended, into the device. "Can I at least play with the siren?" "No. Call a taxi. Drink some water and go to bed." He hung up there after, and Mackenzie gasped in outright shock, folding her arms across her chest. "I'll call Leo," she huffed. "He'd let me play with the siren." As she proceeded to dial Leo's phone, Laurel answered, as the man was already asleep. Seems as if running around after two little girls had tuckered the man out, and he was out of commission for the night. A drawn out groan left the brunette's lips, as she tried dialing Harris multiple times. He picked up on the first call only, to inform Lou of the fact that caller ID was a thing and they weren't exactly being subtle, hanging up the phone with a huff of a breath coming forth from the brunette. Their next series of phone calls to be blatantly sent to voicemail, and after a quite enthusiastic singing message was left on his phone's mail multiple times, Mackenzie eventually gave in and decided that it would be better to call a taxi. She was freezing her arse off in the cold, and she could tell that Louise was starting to drift off, obviously in desperate need of a bed. It wasn't long after they arrived back at Mackenzie's place that they passed out in her bed, neither one managing to do more than slipping off their heels. Cuddled up together, it was safe to say that Mackz and Lou had one hell of a night.

[askullinajar]

A Little Help From Your Friends (Part 8)

T/W: Suicide Mention.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Fic Info: Takes place around 2 years before the events of A Merry Little Christmas. Rating: Mature. Pairings: Lucy/Lockwood, Holly/Rani, others if you squint. Ao3 link: here

Stuck in a jar, longing to get out, longing to live again, the skull never thought there’d be a future where he wished he had just stayed dead.

But maybe all he needed was a helping hand from the people who somehow, against their better judgement, cared. A helping hand from each of them. In turn.

Part 8: Charlie

Two weeks after the incident, Skully was allowed back to work.

He braced himself before going in, preparing for the awkward silences, the pitying looks from people he didn’t care about. Then he walked through the door.

The lab fell silent as he entered, apart from the hum of machinery. Most avoided making eye contact with him, a few attempted to give him small smiles.

Then he heard an excited shriek, and someone launched themselves into his chest.

Skully stood frozen to the spot, his arms pinned to his sides, too startled to speak. Slowly, he looked down and saw a head of bronze curls.

The stranger from the alley.

The person tilted their head upwards, still holding him in a death grip – for someone so small, they were freakishly strong. This close, and under the bright laboratory lights, he could see every one of the dozens of freckles that adorned their golden skin. Their face had an ageless quality – they could have been anywhere between sixteen and thirty – but if they were new here they must have been around twenty-one. They looked up at him and gave him a wide, toothy smile.

“You’re not in prison!” they shrieked happily, eliciting some very startled expressions from the other lab employees. “I was so worried! And I had no idea who you were, so I couldn’t check on you. But you’re here! You work here! This is like destiny or something!”

“Yes, yes, all very exciting,” said Skully, gaining some of his senses back and trying, unsuccessfully, to wiggle free. “Now, I have kind of a reputation here as someone, you know, chill, cool, and completely unapproachable. So, if you wouldn’t mind, just, letting go…”

The person turned their head to eye the other employees, who were all pretending not to seem interested in the situation. They made no move to let go of him. A slow, mischievous smile spread across their face.

“Look,” Skully tried again. “You’re obviously new here, so I’ll tell you now: I am not someone to mess with. If you don’t let go of me in the next two seconds, I’ll get a bone saw from the morgue and–”

That was when the person leaned up and kissed him right on the nose.

The person finally released him, but Skully remained frozen to the spot. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, and feel his face slowly turning red.

The person fingered the ID Skully kept dangling from his belt rather than attached to his shirt.

“James,” they read. They looked up again and gave him another grin. “I’m Charlie! I look forward to working with you, James!” Then they span around and skipped away, towards the morgue.

Skully blinked once. Right before they disappeared through the glass doors, he called out after them. “It’s Skully!” They turned back to him. “Skully, not James,” he said.

Charlie smiled. “See ya later, Skully.” And they vanished into the morgue.

“And what are you looking at?!” Skully shot, turning a glare on the other workers, who all looked away quickly.

He stalked over to his usual corner, flipped open some files left on his desk. He didn’t know why he’d told Charlie to call him Skully. That was usually a nickname reserved for people he actually cared about. And one thing was for sure: Charlie was to be avoided.

Charlie was odd, to say the least.

Some days, they seemed bubbly and outgoing, cheerfully greeting and complimenting everyone they came across. They seemed to have a talent for spotting the best in people. And everyone loved them for it, but that didn’t seem to stop them talking about Charlie behind their back. Skully wondered if Charlie knew about this and, if they did, why they were still so nice to everyone. It was unnerving.

Other days, Charlie was more quiet and reserved, barely speaking, avoiding any and all physical contact, jumping at any sudden noises. Every lunch break, they went off to eat with a boy from the medical school down the road, and on the quiet days, they would only communicate through sign language.

Skully recognised the boy from years ago, when he was still a ghost in a jar. A child from one of the other agencies Lucy had been forced to work with on occasion. He couldn’t seem to remember his name.

Either way, Skully was glad that Charlie had someone to talk to. That way, they didn’t try to pester him.

“Why does everyone act weird around you?”

Skully glanced up from the computer monitor, where Charlie had their head propped up on their hands, elbows resting on the desk. So much for avoiding them.

“Maybe because I tried to kill myself,” he replied, bluntly, turning back to the computer screen.

“Oh,” said Charlie. “I thought the bandages were some sort of new fashion trend.”

“What do you want?” said Skully.

“I am bored,” said Charlie. “Come have lunch with me.”

“No.”

“Pretty please,” said Charlie. “Having lunch alone is boring.”

“What happened to your friend?” said Skully. What was his name? Barney? Billy?

“Bobby?” said Charlie. Ah, Bobby! That was it! The tiny imbecile who’d fallen down an elevator shaft. “It’s his day off.”

“Go bother him at his home then.”

“He’s probably still asleep,” said Charlie, rolling their eyes. “Come on. It’ll be fun!”

Skully stared at the report he was supposed to be writing. He had only written twelve words in the past hour, the reason being that today was a bad day. His limbs felt heavy, his brain didn’t want to focus, he felt as though something cold and dark was swelling in his chest, dimming his senses.

He had two options at this point: go with Charlie, or stay and let the darkness take over.

He saved the report and turned off the computer screen.

“Fine,” he said, standing. He supposed lunch couldn’t do much harm.

“My brother wants me to bring him a coffee,” said Charlie, pausing to read a text. “Do you want one?”

“Sure,” he said. “Make it as dark and bitter as my soul.”

Charlie looked thoughtful for a moment. “’kay,” they said, and disappeared into the coffee shop.

Skully decided to wait outside. He watched through the glass door as Charlie talked happily to a red-haired barista. They must have known each other.

A few minutes later, Charlie skipped out and handing him a cup. He took a sip and frowned. “Very funny,” he said.

“It’s what you asked for!” Charlie insisted.

Skully scowled. “This is a hot chocolate.”

“Well, coffee is way too bitter, no matter how much sugar you put in,” said Charlie, sipping their own drink, which also seemed to be hot chocolate. “I thought this reflected your soul a little better.”

“Ha-ha,” Skully monotoned, but sipped his drink. He did prefer hot chocolate, to be fair. “So where does this brother of yours work?”

Charlie pointed to the flower shop across the road.

“Incredible,” said Skully. “Is everyone in your family a huge hippy?”

Charlie seemed to think about it for a second. “Nah,” they said.

“Also,” said Skully, looking back at the coffee shop, “why the hell couldn’t he get his own coffee?”

“The barista’s his ex,” said Charlie in a hushed voice. Then they darted across the road.

“That was not very safety conscious!” Skully yelled after them, over the sounds of horns honking. They waved at him from the pavement on the other side before disappearing into the shop.

Skully huffed, looked both ways, then darted around the cars after them.

The bell atop the door chimed as he walked in. The floral scent assaulted his senses. He wound his way through the colourful maze, towards the sound of Charlie’s voice as they conversed with a man who must have been their brother.

“Are you drinking hot chocolate? You’re lactose intolerant!”

“Only a little!”

The pair of them came into view by the checkout counter. A man sat behind it, sipping his coffee, while Charlie fiddled with the old-fashioned till.

“Stop messing with that, you’ll break it again,” the man said, swatting Charlie’s hand away.

“But I like the clicking noises,” said Charlie, but they stopped clicking the buttons and reached forwards to ruffle their brother’s hair, making it stick up at odd angles. “You look weird.”

“Charming,” he replied, swiping his hand over his hair to neaten it. “That’s just what I like to hear after a new haircut. When’re you donating yours, anyway?”

Charlie toyed with their long hair, pulling a strand straight to measure against their body. “I want it to get to my hips first.”

“That’ll be another year at least,” their brother said, then he spied Skully approaching. “Made a new friend, Chara? I’ve told you before, you’re supposed to introduce new people.”

Charlie glanced over their shoulder at Skully. “That’s Skully,” they said. “And don’t call me that.”

Their brother stood and held out his hand towards Skully. “I’m Lucas,” he said. “Sorry about Charlie. They are not so great at social queues. Your name’s really Skully?”

“Jim,” said Skully, shaking Lucas’s hand. “Skully’s just a nickname. I take it ‘Charlie’ is, too?”

“Their birth name is Chara,” Lucas confirmed. “After a star in the Canes Venatici constellation.” He pulled up the sleeve of his left arm, revealing numerous tattoos, and pointed out one of a constellation on his wrist. “See?”

A star. Something pure and bright. That seemed fitting.

“I like Charlie better,” said Charlie. “Everyone knows how to say it.”

“And it's more ambiguous,” said Lucas, tugging his sleeve back down and ruffling Charlie’s hair.

“You know,” said Skully. “I would never have guessed you two were siblings. You don’t exactly look much alike.”

“Yeah, we get that a lot,” said Lucas.

“We’re adopted,” said Charlie.

Lucas pouted. “Dammit, Charlie! I was gonna milk it some more. Say we were like the twins from the movie ‘Twins’!”

Charlie frowned. “Which one of us is Arnold Schwarzenegger and which is Danny DeVito?”

“Obviously, you’re Danny DeVito.”

Charlie hummed. “I like Danny DeVito. He seems nice.”

Lucas shook his head. “I think we need to have another talk about appropriate responses to things.”

“You coming to mum and dad’s for Friday dinner?” Charlie said, ignoring him.

“Ah, I can’t this week,” said Lucas. “I’m starting a new fencing class.”

“You were an agent,” said Charlie, “you can already fence.”

“I’m only gonna go for a few weeks, just to touch up my skills a bit,” said Lucas. “I’ve gotten rusty.”

Charlie scoffed. “Until you see a cute guy and end up taking the class for years, only staring at him from afar, and never asking him out, like you did with that pottery class.”

Lucas turned pink.

“Sorry,” said Skully, “but is this the Anthony Lockwood Fencing Academy, by any chance?”

“Yeah,” said Lucas, “why?”

“Oh, no reason,” said Skully, inspecting his nails indifferently.

The bell on the door chimed, and a little old lady hobbled in.

“Lucas, dear, where have you disappeared to?”

“Just a second Mrs Daniels!” Lucas called to her before turning to Charlie. “I gotta go. Don’t forget to actually eat lunch. And no more milk! It was nice meeting you, Skully.” Then he jogged off to tend to Mrs Daniels.

“Come on,” said Charlie, taking the now empty cup off Skully and dropping it in the bin behind the counter, then tugging on Skully’s sleeve so he’d follow them. “I want ice cream.”

“Didn’t your brother say no milk?” said Skully.

“Ice cream doesn’t count.”

Skully and Charlie bought sandwiches from the supermarket and ate them by the fountain in the park.

Charlie was strange company. They seemed to find beauty and joy in anything. They smiled at strangers, stuck their tongue out at babies, stopped to pet every single dog they came across.

The weather was mild, and an ice cream van stopped nearby. Skully bought them both an ice cream to pay Charlie back for the hot chocolate, and Charlie made him hold on to both of them while they ran up to a birch tree and hauled themself into the branches.

“What the actual hell are you doing?” said Skully, looking up at them.

“Come join,” said Charlie, holding their hands out for the ice creams.

Skully passed them up, paused, then grabbed a low hanging branch and climbed. The last time he had climbed a tree he had been drunk with other forensic anthropology students and had ended up with a broken arm.

“Hold again,” said Charlie, passing back the ice creams once he was up so they could climb higher. They both continued like that until they reached the highest branches strong enough to support their weight. They sat, side by side, on the thickest branch, Skully leaning against the trunk, Charlie further out with unnatural balance.

“It’s pretty up here, isn’t it?” said Charlie, licking the drips from their ice cream cone.

Skully looked out across the park. Children ran squealing through the fountain, not caring about the cold or their clothes getting wet, into the towels that awaited them in their parents’ arms. Dogs barked happily, tackling each other or running after the tennis balls their owners threw for them. A light breeze blew blossom petals from the trees, and they showered down upon the grass and fountain water in a whirlwind of white and pink.

“Yeah,” Skully replied. “It is.”

“Bobby never comes up here with me.”

Skully glanced over at them, where they were swinging their legs over a ten-foot drop. “Can’t imagine why.”

“So,” said Charlie, “are you like a zombie or something?”

Skully nearly spat out his ice cream. “Excuse me?”

“You feel like a ghost, but you aren’t,” said Charlie. They reached towards him and put two fingers to his neck. “You have a pulse. I’m not sure zombies have pulses.”

“I’m not a zombie,” said Skully, swatting their hand away.

“What are you then?”

“Just a person,” he said. “What do you mean I feel like a ghost?”

“How’d you make spirit-wind if you’re just a person?” they said, ignoring the question.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Skully replied. “How’d you manage to beat up those guys?”

“My mum’s a martial arts tutor,” they said. “There, I told you my reason, now you tell me yours.”

Skully narrowed his eyes at them. “Tell me what you meant by ‘you feel like a ghost’ first.”

Charlie hummed and took a bite of the ice cream cone. “I have this Talent,” they said, once they had swallowed down the bite. “I’ve never been so great at Seeing or Listening or anything, but I can sense things. Like Sources.”

“Must have come in handy on cases,” said Skully.

Charlie shrugged. “My parents never let me become an agent.” They glanced over at Skully, then back across the park. “I don’t need ghost-touch to freeze up, see? I’m on the Spectrum.”

Skully frowned. “That… actually explains a lot.” He paused to lick his ice cream, then, “I have ADHD.”

Charlie smiled. “I suspected,” they said. “But yeah, that’s the thing. You feel just like a Source.”

“How so?” said Skully.

Charlie looked thoughtful for a moment. “Like, just you being there, makes the veil between life and death thinner. Like you’re a bridge.”

“Sounds about right,” said Skully. “I did use to be dead.”

Charlie looked over at him. “You were brought back to life?”

“Yep,” said Skully. “I’m just a failed experiment.” He put his finger to his lips. “But keep it a secret. If people get any ideas about bringing back the dead, we’ll end up with another Problem.”

“But,” said Charlie, their eyes widening, “the Problem killed thousands of people. Most of them children! And the ones who survived are still suffering. Lucas still gets nightmares, Bobby still has a limp. Why would anyone do something so selfish if they already knew what harm it did?”

“People can be horrible that way,” said Skully.

Charlie turned away, their expression gone blank. They both sat in silence for a moment, watching the children play in the fountain. Children who would hopefully never experience Visitors in their lifetime.

“I won’t tell,” Charlie said, at last. Then they began to climb back down the tree.

Skully followed as best he could, slipping once but thankfully on the lower branches so he didn’t have too far to fall. Then they both walked back to the hospital.

Charlie didn’t speak for the rest of the day. Skully, for whatever reason, found himself missing it, and when he got back to the apartment, which was now free from the constant supervision of his friends, he opened his laptop and searched for British sign language tutorials. He wasn’t even sure why – he hadn’t started anything that required a long-term commitment in a long time – but some part of him wanted to. Some part of him wanted to make that extra effort.

Charlie had come to his rescue in that alleyway, despite not knowing who he was. They’d treated him like a person when the rest of his colleagues had tiptoed around him. They’d taken him out and distracted him when he had been feeling low.

He couldn’t do much in the way of a thank you, but at least, on Charlie’s down, quiet days, he could do this.

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[winterverses]

Chapter Five

It wasn’t an optical illusion, that silver hair of hers. Now that he had her ID codes, Kirk indulged himself a little, looking up her public profile. The last picture of her on file was years out of date, but it was the same strong-boned face, more interesting than pretty. Pretty was easy, though. Anyone could be pretty in a matter of days now. The younger Ms. Hardesty had mouse-brown hair that already looked silvery, though the eyes remained the same. It seemed likely that the ordeal she’d been through in the last year had greyed her hair, or at least finished the job. Kirk found himself comparing her appearance and finding that he preferred the silver hair on her. She looked young otherwise, somewhere in her mid-twenties, so it was a pleasant contrast, and it matched her eyes. Not that his approval meant anything; she was clearly in no frame of mind to have any interest, although she seemed to focus on him and she very obviously felt secure in his presence. With others she was wary and suspicious, but far from the screaming creature that had collapsed into his arms when he’d wrenched open the cell door.

He caught a glimpse of that creature again when he had mentioned that Tarenn was aboard the ship. Her eyes had widened and she’d backed towards the nearest wall, her gaze darting to the ends of the hallway as if looking for escape routes, and Kirk again felt the tickle of a memory he couldn’t quite catch. “He’s in the brig,” he’d quickly said, her distress bothering him. “Locked away so that Federation Justice can deal with him.”

She’d paused, her arms half-raised into a defensive posture, and let that sink in. Once it had, she slowly lowered her arms, her back straightening. “Good,” she said simply. Suddenly, her teeth sank viciously into her lip, and Kirk found himself wanting to soothe her. “You’re sure he can’t get out?” she asked, her voice small and almost childlike.

“He’s guarded night and day,” Kirk replied, keeping his voice low. They were already drawing looks from the crew members passing by; the hall was crowded, especially now, at the end of shift and near the lounge. He’d intended to take her somewhere she could be surrounded by people without having to interact with them, to try to help her re-acclimate to life outside of that miserable cell.

“Good,” she said again, and then stepped forward, laying a hand on the arm he hadn’t realized he’d extended. It was a quaint gesture, old-fashioned, but it seemed right for the moment-- Kirk settled her hand into the crook of his arm the way they did in films about ancient times. It seemed natural to her too. She fell in step with him, shaking her head and visibly clearing the thought of Tarenn from her mind. “I’ve never met someone who read my books before. Well, not someone who knew I wrote them.” She glanced up at him, her long eyelashes a tangled veil between him and the meaning of her gaze.

“Why not?” Kirk asked. He’d never learned much about A. Hardesty the author because he didn’t care. Now that he did, he’d found there was surprisingly little out there to learn. She was a very private person. There was barely any information about her anywhere, even in her profile-- no date or place of birth, no education records, no interviews, no acceptance of awards, no book readings, nothing. There were barely any mentions that she was even human, or female.

“I just wanted to be left alone to write,” she said, then flashed him a quick smile. It was the first time he’d ever seen it, and it made him feel unaccountably warm. “I’m really not very interesting.”

“I’m interesting,” he said, grinning down at her, hoping to distract her into feeling more comfortable. Maybe hoping to elicit that smile again. “I drove a Corvette Stingray off a cliff when I was eleven.”

Anne’s reaction was better than he’d expected. Her eyes widened, brightened, and she sank in closer against his arm. “You have to tell me about it,” she said urgently. “You absolutely have to.”

“I thought you only wrote Westerns. Classic cars don’t fit in with those.” This was getting suspiciously close to bantering.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s the person that matters.” Suddenly, she looked away. “Not that I would go and put you in a book. I don’t do that. But… understanding why people do what they do…”

“I can see that in your work. Bones was right, I’m not a big fiction reader. Your characters are all so believable, though. Someone left one of your books with me once, and I was bored, and then I got hooked.” That someone had been a one night stand. He didn’t think he’d mention that part. “You could write me in as a character. I wouldn’t mind.”

She smiled again, and this time it was more than just a fast grin. It was a little dazzling, when paired with those amazing eyes on him, searching him. “No, I couldn’t. I could never understand you well enough to get you exactly right, and it would be a disservice to both of us. A character who would drive a car off a cliff would have been fearless as a child.” She paused, sobering. “Or fearful. But I wouldn’t try to apply that character to you.”

This had gotten very personal very abruptly. Kirk had the feeling that this was the level Anne normally operated on, this intense intimacy. It even felt strangely comfortable, as if he could tell her whichever it was and it wouldn’t matter. “That’s good to know,” he said, a smile touching his lips. “Fearful isn’t exactly how I’d choose to be thought of.”

“I’m not sure I could think of you that way. You rescued me.” Her arm tightened on his briefly, and then she pulled her gaze from his, looking around as they walked into the lounge. If she pressed a little closer against him, he had sense enough to know that it was because she was anxious.

They didn’t exactly cause a stir as they walked in; the Enterprise was a community, and being aboard ship for years with the same crew meant that it was fairly well known that he had a taste for female company. Still, there were some looks, probably because Anne wasn’t wearing a uniform. Today she’d chosen a dark grey dress that covered her from the neck down but clung just enough that it looked sharp instead of dowdy and wholesome. He’d never seen her wearing color, only black and white and shades of grey. With her silver hair always pinned up and her pale skin, she looked like she might have stepped out of an ancient photograph but for the pink of her lips.

Kirk led them to a table in the high-ceilinged room, one where they would have a good view of everyone else and a quick escape route toward the doors. Not that it was necessary… but he’d seen the way she positioned herself, always with her back to a wall, always with a view of anyone approaching. Survivor’s traits, learned the hard way. He wasn’t about to try to pry them away from her.

The corner table was also near the windows, with a pleasant view of a nearby nebula. Kirk drew out a chair for her, the one directly in the corner, and then sat down next to her. He too liked to have a good view of his surroundings. Over in the far corner of the room, Uhura was listening to Chekov talk animatedly about something, but not listening so hard that she failed to notice Kirk. She gave him a skeptical look, raising her eyebrows, and Kirk just gave her back a half-grin.

A server started toward them, but Kirk waved her off for the moment. Anne was watching him again, her silvery gaze seeming to strip him of pretenses. How could her eyes be that intense? Maybe she wasn’t fully human. “Why are you spending time with me?” she asked suddenly. “I know you have other responsibilities.”

It was true. He was taking time out of his schedule for her. It wasn’t as if he always worked around the clock, but the ship never slept, and so sometimes neither did he, depending on the amount of action they had seen or were expecting to see. Still, he’d made time to stop by and see her every day for a little while. There was a week left until they reached Yorktown; towing that old clunker made the going very, very slow.

It would have been dishonest, though, to conceal that he was trying to make her more comfortable, to help her so that he, or Spock, could pick her brain for information. “Part of it is because having you comfortable with me could make my job a lot easier. As soon as we reach Yorktown and drop off our cargo, someone will be sent back out to scout for the other ship the Sorte was communicating with. If you can tell me what you know, it'll be easier for them to find that ship.” Kirk felt himself grin a little. “The other part is that you’re interesting.” He let that hang in the air, not following it up with any explanation.

“Oh,” Anne said, looking a flustered. “Oh, no, I’m not. I put everything interesting into my writing.”

“That doesn’t mean you lose it. In fact, I think that makes you even more interesting.” Kirk felt his grin widen.

She couldn’t find an answer to that; she fidgeted and glanced at him and then away again, searching for words. After a moment or two, Kirk decided to take pity on her, and waved the server over. The woman appeared immediately, smiling at the two of them. Anne looked a little lost. “Do you know what you want?” Kirk asked. “If not, I can order for you.”

“I… I usually cook for myself,” Anne said slowly, as if brushing the dust from an old and valued trinket. She looked up at the server. “Sashimi, please. No cuttlefish, but anything else is fine.”

The decisive tone in her voice seemed like a flare-up of her old self, before her abduction. Kirk settled back in his chair, watching Anne thoughtfully. Who had she been before captivity? “I’ll have the same. And I know you have some real sake there. We’ll have it heated, please.”

The server nodded and moved away through the crowd. The decisiveness evaporated, and Anne was again the half-wild creature, her eyes making quick darts between him and the rest of the room, watching for threats. “You cook your own food?” Kirk asked, curious. “Is that a hobby?”

“I suppose,” Anne replied. “It’s also the inevitable result of growing your own garden.” She gave him a sheepish look. “Really, it’s not that interesting. I garden. I read a lot of books. I travel, as much as I can. I cook. I mostly keep to myself.”

“But when you talk to people, you have them spilling their life story within seconds, don’t you?” Kirk met her gaze and held it, wondering if this gamble would pan out. “And I’ll bet you have friends in every place you’ve ever visited. You’re that kind of person.”

He could tell he’d hit the mark by her flinch, and regretted that he might have hit it too well. “Am I?” Those eyes were almost pleading. “Am I still that person?”

Kirk couldn’t answer immediately. A trite answer would have been insulting. “I don’t know. You’ll have to find out yourself.” He smiled briefly, despite the subject. “I think you are.”

It shouldn’t have had the effect on her that it did. Her eyes calmed, her body relaxing back into the chair. “If you think so, you are probably right.” Her lips curved in a smile that was not entirely humorless. “Starfleet captains aren’t allowed to be wrong, are they?”

“No, they’re not.” Kirk said, liking her inclination to banter. “It’s part of the job description.”

“That’s very reassuring.” Anne said, clearly only half-joking.

The server returned with the sashimi and sake, as well as a few little mochi balls with cherry leaves embedded in the top of them. “Our compliments, Captain,” the server said, flashing him a brilliant smile. Kirk wondered if he had done something to merit this; normally, the dining staff treated him the same as any of the other crew. Maybe they thought this was something less serious than it was. Shrugging it off, he picked up his chopsticks and pretended not to watch Anne eat.

It was almost as if at first her hand didn’t quite work properly; he saw the frown that creased her forehead and the concentration that she had to apply to make sure she had her grip on the thin salmon strip. Almost immediately thereafter, however, her skill came back, and she handled her food with the same delicate grace that she brought to everything else she did. Her eyes closed at the taste, as if shutting out all other sensations to concentrate on the freshness of the fish, the umami of the soy sauce and the sharp burn of wasabi. The food synthesizers did best with simple dishes; the fish was delicious.

After a few moments, Kirk asked, “Could you make this?” Making food was something he was used to thinking of as the province of professional chefs, the kind that made sustenance into art.

“This?” Anne looked critically at the sashimi. “It’s possible. But it would take a long time for me to source the right ingredients, and my knife work isn’t up to this sort of precision.”

“Knife work?” To Kirk, this sounded vaguely subversive, although he knew that she meant something other than violence.

“Using the knife. It’s more complicated than it seems. Have you ever tried to cut fish so that the pieces are all the same size and shape and thickness?” Anne watched with amusement as he shook his head. ”I've tried, before. It never turned out very well. It takes a lot of practice.”

“What do you like to cook?” Kirk asked. This whole idea was relatively novel to him. He’d camped and fished before getting into Starfleet, of course, and he’d been top in his class when it came to survival, but habitually cooking food from scratch was something of an oddity now that synthesizing food from soy and algae was so much easier.

“Lots of different things. Mostly I just try to make the best use of what’s in season. You know, fresh vegetables and fruits. I like fresh eggs and meat and milk, when I can get them, but they can be harder to find.” She smiled wryly down at her plate, pushing around a piece of perfectly cut snapper. “It’s not that I mind synthesized food. I just… I have to be making things. Anything.”

Kirk leaned forward in his chair, intrigued. “My mother used to bake cakes for me on my birthday, but that’s as close to real cooking as I ever got.” A sudden thought came to him, and he found himself voicing it before he could consider it. “Would it help to be able to make something on board the Enterprise? We don’t have the facilities for cooking, but I’m sure I could find something.”

Anne’s expression brightened immediately, her eyes looking so wide and hopeful that it was almost painful to see. “Could you, please? I need something to do, something to make. I’ve tried to write, but…”

Kirk caught the deeper meaning of the flash of fear in her eyes. “It’ll come back. You’ve been away from it a long time.” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so instantly protective of someone. Perhaps it was because of the things she’d alluded to, the horror she’d been through. It wasn’t right that someone this open had been subjected to that nebulous torture she’d intimated.

Carefully, Anne sipped her sake, and Kirk watched her eyes narrow a little at the faint burn of alcohol. “I’m trying. And I’m trying to talk, alone, just in recordings.” Setting down her cup, mouth soft and faintly wet with sake, she shook her head as if to clear it. “How do I make them available to you? Right now they’re set as personal, and encrypted.”

Leaning back in his chair, Kirk considered the offer. It seemed like a misstep to listen to her personal logs, even if he needed whatever evidence might be in them to bolster the charges against Tarenn and his crew and to catch whoever it was that they’d been meeting. It would be a window into her privacy, and he would be an intruder, watching her. The last thing he wanted to do was invade her private space. He knew from the psychology classes at the Academy that she’d be more sensitive to that sort of thing.

“I’m not sure it would be wise for me to have access,” he said finally. “I appreciate that you’re willing to share them, but you should have something of your own, something no one can touch.” An idea sparked in his mind. “Could you talk if it was just to me? If we were in your quarters, say, just a conversation between friends.”

Those luminous grey eyes turned to him, and he felt the weight of her gaze again, as if it was a feathery pressure on his skin. It was damn near palpable. “Are we friends?” she asked, the simplicity of her tone underlining the complexity of the question.

Again, Kirk couldn’t give her a trite answer. Those eyes deserved truth. “No. Not yet.” Suddenly he grinned. “But if you give me any more chances, I think we will be.”

Kirk’s unbidden warmth towards Anne flared higher when he saw her smile, a real smile that crinkled the corners of her eyes and showed what would have been a dimple if she hadn’t been so terribly thin. “You definitely have a chance,” she said, the weight of her gaze still feeling like feathers on his skin. “More than a chance.”

[b00bstone]

All the even numbers!

thats a lot. and 72 was repeated twice but i had to renumber them since i copied and pasted adn forgot it was repeated. but anyway. 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

mostly shy i think but i can be outgoing if im comfortable. 

4 Are you easy to get along with?

not really. i can be quite moody. and i unfortunately have a short temper (which im trying to work on) and im depressed adn suicidal so i think the answer is no. 

6 What kind of people are you attracted to?

smart funny ones. 

8Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my friend the nerd because i was talking to them and my friend rabbit earlier. 

10Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist since we talked just earlier today.

12What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

1.awkward by hailey knox

2 beautiful girl by sara barielles 

3. plot twist by sigrid

4 waving through a window from dear evan hansen 

and 5. dissapear also from dear evan hansen.

14Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yeah but my luck is shitty and miracles happen to other people. so basically yes but not for me lmao

16Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah. if she were down. but like shes really straight. so i doubt she would be.

18Do you still talk to your first crush?

occasionally. hes a dick now tho. fraternity guy. and voted for trump.

20Do you like your neighbors?

well the ones i know are pretty cool. 

22Where would you like to travel?

narnia. one of those planets they discovered that are super far away but similar to earth. but like on this planet? probs travel around europe. 

24Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed. 

26What do you do when you wake up?

lie there and try to go back to sleep. 

28Who are you most comfortable around?

probs my friend rabbit.

30Do you ever want to get married?

one day yeah. but only if i find the right person u know. 

32Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

oohhhh ummm hmmm. chris pratt. aubrey plaza and john boyega. i feel like aubrey would bring a sarcastic element which would help with the pressure and nervousness and john and chris. well u can just see in their eyes that theyre really gentle people that will treat u right. 

34do you play sports? What sports?

hahaha no. ive always wanted to dance and/or be on a swimteam. but my lungs hate me

36Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

i think ive only told like 1 or 2 people that ive liked that i liked them. and ive liked a lot of people so yes. i have hidden that i liked someone before. many many times.

38Describe your dream girl/guy?

theyre taller than me. i dunno why but ive always liked wavy/curly hair. not blonde. or brunette. so that leaves unnatural hair color or black or red. good bone structure. theyre really smart. like they know lots of stuff academically but theyre also just generally smart u know. and they know lots of lil random facts about random things. really nice. but not in like a sugar nice way but more like sun beams when it feels like theyre warming u from the inside kinda nice. kind eyes. color doesnt really matter since i keep changing my mind. strong. but not necessarily muscular. i want them to be able to pick me up and twirl me around but not like theyve got a sixpack or anything. sixpacks are kinda weird looking tbh. wed have to have most of the same values. not too talkative but not like ALWAYS quiet. theyd prefer staying in most weekend and watchng shows but dont mind the occassional night out. theyd like the beach. because what kind of crazy person doesnt like the beach (people that dont beach right thats who). theyd also like biking and hiking and swimming. very much an animal person. not lazy. good listener. intuitive. would understand that some days i just cant fucking stand physical touch. and others i crave it in a way ive never craved anything before. and other days its kinda meh whatever. people that take interest in what im interested in because im interested in it. and whose interests are cool. because i love to take interest in things my friends are interested in but sometimes its so boring. nothing particular comes to mind. but im sure its happened. someone who doesnt check up on me when im crying. because tbh i hate it when people do that. unless its through texting or a phone call. but like people in person asking “are u ok?” while im sobbing my eyes out? fuck no go away. someone who understands that im really fucking bad with words. and sometimes me trying to say something will take a while and it may not make sense. theyd be patient. they wouldnt mock me. or be manipulative. and i think this list is long enough.

40What do you want to do after high school?

travel the world and end up famous, but not like papparazzi following me famous. famous like i appear on snl every once in a while and drop bangers or rad filsm or whatever i do and thats all.  what will i probs end up doing? crying a lot and going to community college. and applying to as many colleges as i have the energy to. 

42If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

it might mean im busy. or just listening. or really pissed off. or upset. or just have nothing to say. 

44Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space. 

46What are you paranoid about?

everything

48Have you ever been drunk?

not yet. but sometimes i want to be

50What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

blue i think?

52 One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

everything. but like one specific thing? id like to get rid of my depression, fears, and this brain fog that haunts me

.54 Favourite store?

trader joes or target

56Favourite color?

yellow

58 Last thing you ate?

well rn im eating plain potato chips and mayo (please dont judge me. i know its disgusting)

60Ever won a competition? For what?

i used to do mma i won like one or two of those. i also run a riding competition once. 

62Been arrested? For what?

not yet. but im sure one day i will be.

64tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were in her parents bathroom and were 7. thats all i remember. havent kissed anyone since. which isnt for lack of wanting to.

68Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont really have any tumblr friends that arent my real friends yet? so like i cant answer that.

70 Twitter or Tumblr?

well i spend all my time here and not on twitter so lets go with tumblr. altho i do have a twitter im never on

72Names of your best friends?

adi, heather, rabecca, joaquin, celestine. 

74What colour are your towels?

blue, red and white. and theres some hawaiin print ones and a yellow one. 

76How many pillows do you sleep with?

3... 

78How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 40? dont judge. i kept asking as a kid and my parents kept giving them to me for christmas and my birthday. they should have stopped. 

80What colour is your underwear?

rn its grey. but its not the only color i have

82Favourite ice cream flavor?

fuck. ummmmm coffee?

84What colour pants?

rn theyre black. but on the front of the thighs they have zebra striping. 

86Favourite movie?

thats not an easy question to answer. im gonna say bringing up baby just because. 

90Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

both? i mean i prefer mean girls a lil more bu 21 jumpstreet isnt bad either

92 Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory. we are both scatterbrained. 

94Last person you talked to today?

adi. but like in person? rabbit and the nerd. 

96Name a person you love?

celestine. (not romantically)

98In a fight with someone?

not as far as i know. but i always kinda feel like im in a fight with monkey. 

100How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 4? i know i know i dont have very many. 

102Favourite actress?

aubrey plaza. 

104Do you tan a lot?

nope. i try at least once every summer. but my skin either stays as pale as snow or i burn really bad then my skin shift to a slightly more offwhite shade of snow. 

106. How are you feeling?

blergh. potato chips and mayo are really gross. and im tired and sick of people telling me shit. 

108Do you regret anything from your past?

i regret everything ive ever done. 

110Do you miss anyone from your past?

well there is this one guy i used to talk to but i miss the attention and not him so that doesnt count. i kinda miss a friend of mine named shannon from elementary school sunday school

112Ever broken someone’s heart?

i dont think so. 

114What should you be doing?

school. but ive given up on that. so. 

.116 Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

oh yeah. ive liked 2 peoplethat much. altho i barely knew the first person and it was more me projecting my ideals of the prefect person onto them. 

118Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probs my therapist. 

120Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah. i was just in virginia last week. i live in california so id say thats definitely out of state. 

122Are you listening to music right now?

nope. 

124Do you like Chinese food?

americanized or traditional? americanized: yessss that shit i shte bomb. traditional? i dont know ive never had it. 

126Are you afraid of the dark?

yes. very. i need a light source or i start to panic. 

.128 Is cheating ever okay?

like on a partner or on a test or something? on a partner? no way. u should never do that. like thatll really fuck them up and make them mistrustful for the rest of their life. on a test? if its necessary sure go for it. i dont care. im not ur teacher. 

130Do you believe in love at first sight?

yeah. but its not something thatll ever happen to me lmao.

132. Are you currently bored?

im always bored. 

134 Would you change your name?

last name? yes 100% absolutely. first name? maybe. 

136Do you like subway?

like the sandwich shop? fuck no! the first time i ate it i threw up. the second time was ok. and thei third time i got serious stomach cramps afterwards. it was these awful sharp shooting pains all through my stomach. 

138Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist. 

140Can you count to one million?

theoretically? yes. but will i? no 

142Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed! my closet freaks me out but the office across from my bedroom freaks me out more. and also like i dont want cats walking on my face. or to wake up at 7 am and find that my dog has taken up the very middle of the bed. 

144Curly or Straight hair?

rn? mostly straight. but when it gets longer it kinda curls a  lil. 

146Summer or Winter?

yes. i like both. dont make me choose. 

148 Favourite month?

july. thats when im born so it has to be my fav. 

150Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

152Was today a good day?

no. 

154What’s your favourite quote?

in the beginning the universe was created a lot of people regard t as a bad move. and i messed that quote up. but yeah. 

156Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

the terms braided and woven refer to the structure of the elastic. 

[svartikotturinn]

Tel-Aviv huh? Whats your stance on the occupation?

It’s fucked up. Aside from politicians profiting off of it, journalism here is doing a shitty fucking job of covering it properly, preferring to publish fluff pieces about the army instead of covering the daily dickery going on in the Palestinian Territories (I’m not calling it Palestine strictly because de facto, it’s not an independent country yet; whether or not it should be is a separate issue I won’t go into now). But I do put a whole lot of blame on mainstream Israeli society who is hardly keen on hearing about it.

But the thing is, outsiders don’t quite realize how complicated the situation actually is. They don’t know, for example, that a lot of the territories conquered in the Israeli War of Independence were conquered for the sake of territorial continuity that was vital for the protection of Jewish territories that were too isolated to protect (Israelis aren’t aware that those territories amounted to 6% of the land here though). Or that the Green Line is extremely close to Gush Dan, where Tel-Aviv and its satellite cities are: if the rockets from Gaza make life for towns and kibbutzim around it hellish, you can imagine what kind of damage rockets on Gush Dan could deal. They also don’t seem to get how deeply ingrained the history of animosity towards Jews is ingrained in the Jewish psyche: I’ve heard quite a few Europeans and Americans talking about how anti-Semitism was pretty much a thing of the past, and while to a great extent they’re right, you can see Jews were pretty much spot on about their fear that it could come back any time, and that’s without even bringing up the rampant anti-Semitism in Muslim communities. (This is why Jews here are very suspicious of Western mediation.)

People don’t get just how hard dismantling the Occupation actually is. Aside from ‘mainstream’ right-wing Jews who see land ownership in terms of collective ownership by peoples rather than individuals (a notion I parodied here) and bring up historic Jewish presence dating back millennia (e.g. old coins with Jewish inscriptions or the notable absence of pig bones), or nuttier Jews claiming the evil psychopath Yahweh promised them the land, there are more practical concerns. Dismantling all the Settlements and re-settling Jews within the Green Line would be an economic and logistical nightmare: Israel is already struggling with a serious shortage of real estate as it is.

Also, Jews don’t really trust Palestinians for pretty good reason: their leadership has repeatedly talked about how they want to destroy all of Israel and take it over, relying on alternative historic facts claiming e.g. that Tel-Aviv was originally ‘Tal Rabí‘’ (nonsense, aside from a few neighbourhoods it was mostly built by Jews before the war on land bought legitimately and named after a monumental piece of Zionist literature). They believe that getting full control of Judæa and Samaria (using these terms instead of ‘the West Bank’ to emphasize that it’s an area much larger than just the strip of land along the Jordan River) and the Gaza Strip is just a way to get their foot in the door before taking over everything. And, of course, there’s the humanitarian concern of what establishing an overwhelmingly Muslim independent state would mean for its women and minorities and plain old political dissidents: so far their record hasn’t been all too great (honour killing, civil war between Fatah and Hamas, brutal murder of suspected collaborators, GSM persecution, Christian persecution…).

On top of that, Israelis have a lot of misunderstanding on their part. First off, Hebrew does not distinguish between ‘conquest’ and ‘occupation’ (both are כִּבּוּשׁ kibúsh), and most Israelis don’t get the difference between ‘conquest’ and annexation, as has traditionally been the case. For many Israelis, war is a process where participants essentially wager their territory in armed conflict, and territory lost fair and square should be ceded. This is especially the case for Israelis, who believe that they’ve never instigated a war; at most, they responded to aggressive actions the only reasonable way they could.

In general, international law and the customs of war are very recent, dating back to only a few decades ago. Israelis think that Western powers preaching to them about how wrong conquering territories is is incredibly hypocritical, not realizing the rules have changed or thinking they apply selectively. This is particularly infuriating to them as they believe that unlike Western empires, Israel needs its extra territories for survival (whether or not that’s true is an issue I won’t go into).

What complicates matters further is that English terminology also has its limits: while Hebrew distinguishes between ‘Palestine’ as a geographic term (אֶרֶץ יְש��רָאֵל Èretz Yisra’él, lit. ‘Land of Israel’, also used extensively in religious contexts) and as a (would-be) political entity (פָלַסְטִין Falastín), English has one term for both, as does Arabic (فلسطين Filasṭīn). You can imagine how aggravated Israelis get when they come across what looks like trying to establish a hostile political reality but is actually just a reference to geography, but more pressingly, they don’t get what Palestinians actually claim.

Jewish Israeli narrative centres around the idea that they owned the land fair and square and were driven out of their rightfully owned territory, including Judæa and Samaria (partial truth: the traditional narrative claims Jews were expelled by the Romans, but the truth is many left voluntarily when the Romans started persecuting them), sometimes argued that God Himself gave it to them, and define their ‘peoplehood’ based on (overwhelmingly) religious practice; the Palestinian one, on the other hand, is based on connection to the land, emphasizing a connection to all the people who’ve settled in the region and their heritage. When they say ‘Jesus was Palestinian’ they think that’s true: he was Jewish by faith but was born and raised and lived his whole life here, his roots were here, ergo he was Palestinian. As a matter of fact, Palestinians are the ethnic group most closely related genetically to Jews, but Jews here would normally claim (as is taught in high school history, or at least was when I was in high school) that they are overwhelmingly descended from relatively recent immigrants who came when Jews started prospering, to get a chunk of that working for them. (This is often based on the widely derided claims in Joan Peters’ From Time Immemorial and selective and grossly misleading quotes from Mark Twain’s The Innocents Abroad.)

The Palestinians, on their part, think Jews came here as some kind of extension of colonial powers: they saw all those Jews coming in from European countries and put two and two together (which has some merit but is a GROSS oversimplification). This is why they often have more respect for Mizrakhi and Sephardi Jews than Ashkenazi Jews. And, of course, as pointed out above, they’re often all too keen on buying into anti-Semitic rhetoric: Israeli right-wingers often point out that Mahmoud Abbas himself was (and, they claim, still is) a Holocaust denier.

So you can see why there is little trust between the two sides and why dismantling the Occupation safely is akin to diffusing a very sensitive bomb. There has to be a lot more earnest dialogue before that can happen.

Also, amusingly (in a dark way), while leftist Jews (moderate and otherwise) are mad about all the money spent on the Settlements, Settlers are mad about how their Settlements don’t actually expand or multiply. The actual problem is that corrupt right-wing politicians pass the money to their own rather than the Settlements…

This is a very complicated issue, but I think there are plenty of steps Israel could take and simply doesn’t for some reason:

More emphasis on Arabic in school. Nowadays students are often given the choice between Arabic and French or Russian in many schools, and many get exempted from studying a third language to avoid learning a ‘terrorists’ language’ by getting a didactic diagnosis and feigning idiocy; about a year ago there was a bill proposed by MK Oren Khazan of all people to make it mandatory from the first grade, but from what I’ve heard it was not realistic considering the massive shortage of Arabic teachers in Israel, and I’m not sure why but it kinda stopped moving forward for some reason. (Personally I think Israeli and Palestinian Sign Languages should be taught too, as well as optional linguistics, but I’m kinda biased as a ling. major with a keen interest in SL and Deaf culture.)

Reforming the way civics and history are taught. Civics is grossly underrepresented in Israeli schools, putting ethnoreligious sentiment on equal footing with democratic concerns. History is often taught through a narrow prism of Jewish persecution, and things like legitimate objections Arabs had before 1948 and what the 1948 Exodus was actually like are barely mentioned if at all. (The 6% figure? I had no idea about it until it was mentioned on a blog and I looked it up myself. And if you ask most Israeli Jews, they’ll tell you the Arabs left willingly to allow Arab forces to take over and finish Israel off, so they’ve no right to complain Israel isn’t too keen on letting them back in.) Also, Tanakh as a subject should be abolished yesterday.

Training combatant soldiers to deal with civilian populations. I recently saw (parts of) a documentary about the Kfir Brigade, where the soldiers explained that they’d never been taught to learn to deal with civilian populations or even any Arabic beyond phrases like ‘stop or I’ll shoot’ or ‘give me your ID’. You can see how counterproductive this is to de-escalating tensions there.

Changing arbitrary regulations used by Border Patrol. You can read more about it here.

Making justice against soldiers who bully Palestinians and worse more visible. The way things go now, while justice is normally served (if only for fear of foreign involvement), far too many get off the hook too easy, with the military court system delaying justice until the law says it’s been too long past their service to prosecute them, or they get comically small punishments (this normally happens when the military needs the soldier for some reason). When it is served, the IDF should e.g. spread leaflets announcing it and claiming repeatedly that they are earnest in their attempts to clean up their act.

Banning openly racist soldiers from serving. There’s a Facebook page dedicated to documenting horrifyingly racist outbursts on Facebook, including people wishing violent death on Arabs, African refugees, and children with a Jewish father and a Jewish mother in Israel, and celebrating events like the recent massacre at the mosque in Québec; the number of comments left by people serving in the IDF (some of which relish the thought of massacring Arab babies) is horrifying. I’ve even met a person in south Tel-Aviv (which is notorious for its rampant xenophobia) who boasted being a war criminal.

Abolishing conscription, or at least restricting it severely. There have been two state committees who looked into it and determined that conscription should be abolished already and replaced with a professional military. Opponents of this move include not only the IDF itself, which absolutely looooves its fat cheques and cushy jobs for its senior officers, but also run-of-the-mill Israelis who are afraid that the IDF would dwindle to the point Israel couldn’t defend itself against its enemies surrounding it (including, according to them, so-called ‘friends’ who signed peace treaties but are just waiting for an opportune moment to stab it in the back). I think it should either be abolished or, as they did in Sweden up until a few years ago, recruit only those who are most fit to serve. Aside from the obvious need for soldiers who do their job right, the current situation means that Israelis normally can’t distinguish between soldiers and civilians and think that attacking soldiers (‘our children’) is as illegitimate as attacking civilians, labelling guerrilla fighters (who, don’t get me wrong, are legitimate targets in an armed conflict) ‘terrorists’ (the media does that too and that sure as hell doesn’t help).

Better coordination within the military. As of now the IDF has a surplus of soldiers who are grossly mismanaged as a result of petty infighting from within. That’s how you can find offices with one secretary collapsing under the workload and another with three secretaries with barely any work to do. This is a pretty serious issue in and of itself, but this gets even worse when you consider that, for example, Palestinians in the Gaza Strip don’t know how far away from the Separation Wall they have to be to avoid getting shot (which is pretty serious because many of them have agricultural lands close to the fence that they can’t work on).

Taking a stronger stand against settlements the State had no hand in building. Some particularly zealous Settlers sometimes take Palestinian land by force, relying on the fact that their legal owners would have to go through a legal hell to get it back, and that the military normally follows an order saying they’re not allowed to physically touch Settlers. Those should be clamped down on HARD.

Abolishing the underhanded techniques the State uses to seize Palestinian land. Israel uses the military to declare certain areas as necessary for training and kicks the locals out, then a year later they say that since the owners left their land for over a year they no longer have a claim to it, and allow Settlers in instead. It does the same with KKL and the Israeli Antiquities Authority. This shit needs to stop.

Applying Israeli law to Settlements that already exist. What Israelis don’t get is that when outsiders talk about the ‘apartheid state’ in Israel they don’t mean ‘within the Green Line’: nominally, Arab Israeli citizens are perfectly equal before the law (aside from where the stupid fucking Millet system is in force). This refers to Judæa and Samaria, where Settlers are generally subject to Israeli law (not always: the mayor of Ariel once boasted how he claimed not to be a legitimate part of Israel when he needed to pay taxes but it was when it needed funds from the State), but Palestinians are subject to martial law. This means, among other things, that employers over there can get away with paying Palestinians below minimum wage. While Israel is in charge it should do so properly.

Reforming imprisoned terrorists. As the UK demonstrates, this is immensely helpful in gutting terrorism from within.

Actually sticking by contractual obligations. Yitzkhak Rabin famously got the Oslo Accords going (hell, he got shot to death for it), but in practice he never actually took down a single Settlements, claiming that ‘there are no sacred dates’ (i.e. ‘I’ll take ‘em down… eventually’). On the other hand, enough violent resistance and outright terrorism on the Palestinians’ part got Israel to leave the Gaza Strip unilaterally. The Palestinians naturally understood that Israelis understand nothing but brute force.

Understanding what actually comprises terrorism. Aside from attacking soldiers, as explained above, Israelis seem to be under the impression that diplomatic moves (e.g. ratifying the Geneva and Rome conventions and pushing for recognition in the UN) are terrorism too (‘state terrorism’). As one blogger put it, they might soon call Palestinians breathing ‘respiratory terrorism’.

Abolish the religious exception to anti-incitement laws. Israel obviously has laws against incitement to violence, but for some bizarre reason those laws do not apply to incitement made on a religious basis. This gives both Jewish and Muslim religious leaders the ability to incite somewhat freely, avoiding persecution, while young hotheads do their bidding and get fucked over for it. (Kinda like right-wing militia leaders, as described here, under #2.) Israel needs to crack down on all the bullshit it allows as part of ‘religious freedom’ in general, but for the purpose of this discussion, this is the #1 priority.

Back in the day I used to believe in cantonizing the country and giving the Gaza Strip and Judæa and Samaria a special status similar to Québec. I wrote about it extensively here. I asked around, and Jews mostly told me that they think it would be nice, but the Arabs would be against it; then I asked Arabs, who mostly had no objections to the idea. I asked MK Zehava Gal’on, who said she didn’t trust the Jews to not turn this country into a full-blown apartheid state all over. I eventually let go of the idea when I talked to an Arab student who was more politically aware, who said it was impractical because the State has the habit of not allowing Arab towns and villages to form or expand (this, coupled with poor law enforcement in Arab areas, creates the problem of violent criminal wars over territories), and keeps building new Jewish communities between them to detach them from one another. You can’t have Arab cantons this way.

On a final note: I want to point out that this is what I think Israel should do. Palestinians also have more than enough steps they can take, but I don’t live there, so I don’t really know what it’s like over there and I don’t get a say anyway. However, I do want to point out that the Palestinian Authority makes selling (and I think renting too, but I’m not sure) lands to Israelis punishable by death; this means that even if Settlers legitimately buy (or rent) the lands they want to settle on, it could be a huge pain to prove the legal owner of their lands allowed them to do so, because they’d be putting them at huge risk. One leftist activist, Ezra Nawi, notoriously boasted turning in would-be sellers to the PA; as a leftist myself, I was utterly infuriated: as far as I’m concerned, as the legal owners of the land, they have every right to do as they please with it.

And that pretty much concludes my views on the issue. Thanks for giving me the chance to clarify it.

[anonymous-wolf22]

bold what applies to you

I can’t sleep if my hair isn’t up.

When I go to the bathroom at other people’s houses, I always lock the door.

Girl Scout cookies are my favorite.

I wish Subway had a delivery service.

I get offended really easily about certain things.

It’s hard to make me feel guilty.

I always need to be reassured.

If I care about someone, I’ll basically forgive them for anything.

I probably change my handwriting once a year.

I’m really worried about something.

I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the ACT.

I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the SAT.

I overreact about everything.

I let people walk all over me. I’m so bad at standing up for myself.

I don’t like being sick in general, but the part I hate most is having a sore throat.

I’m one of those annoying people who blows their nose ALL THE TIME.

If I’m outside I’d rather be hot than cold.

If I’m inside, I’d rather be cold than hot.

I have lots of clothes that don’t fit me, but I’m keeping them for some reason.

There’s a couple stores that I LOVE but I don’t have the money to shop there.

I barely ever go to the mall unless I have money to spend.

I secretly hate getting close to people because I know that they can hurt me.

I like All Time Low’s older music, I don’t like a lot of their new stuff.

I’ve never been to a real concert.

I’ve been to lots of local shows.

I’m not someone who likes a ton of attention, but there’s a certain person who I wish would pay more attention to me.

I’m thinking about changing my hair color.

I haven’t been under the influence of anything this month so far.

I’m very interested in psychology.

I don’t want to go to college, but I’m more than likely going to go.

I have NO IDEA where I’m going in life, and if I actually take time to think about it, it scares me.

I wanna see Alice In Wonderland!

Lately I’ve had a “Whatever happens, happens” kind of attitude and I feel a lot better.

I hate those days where EVERYTHING reminds me of someone.

I’m starting to not care about something that I used to care a lot about.

I haven’t had a birthday party in a really long time.

My parents are divorced.

I can’t stand it when people think they’re “more important” than someone or something.

I listen to the biggest variety of music.

I want an unusual pet.

I’ve always kinda wanted to dye my hair where it’s a different color underneath.

I’m too overemotional for my own good. 

I cry about everything.

I never check my e-mail any more.

I’m supposed to be doing something else right now.

When I was younger, I definitely had a favorite parent.

Now, I don’t have a favorite parent.

I love certain members of my family, and then there are certain members of my family I can’t stand.

I love it when I make a negative judgement about someone and I find out I was completely wrong.

I can’t decide how I want to get my hair cut.

I’m HORRIBLE at making up my mind. I’m probably the most indecisive person you’ll ever meet.

I only like Red Bull with Vodka.

I hate those flavored Smirnoff coolers.

I hate it when people put me on the spot about something that makes me uncomfortable.

I’m very self-conscious, and it’s pretty obvious.

I love talking to someone who I haven’t talked to in a long time and I find out that they’re exactly the same.

I’m kinda worried that I’ll never get my license.

I can’t drive a stick-shift car, no matter how hard I try.

I’m an impatient person, but I don’t like people who are impatient with me. I guess I’m a hypocrite.

The only time I feel good about myself is when I’m skinny.

I absolutely love pickles.

I don’t care about spelling and grammar as long as isn’t TOO bad.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’d DIE without music, but I’d be miserable without it.

Growing up, my dad was always the “cooler” parent.

I love little kids!

I really need to work up the motivation to go on a diet and lose weight.

I don’t approve of abortion at all, but I still think it should be legal.

I don’t think bright yellow looks good on anyone.

If it snows more this year, I’m gonna go crazy.

I haven’t been on a real vacation in more than 7 years.

I say the words “like” a lot without even realizing it.

I remember exactly what I was doing a year ago today, and I miss it.

I feel so much better about myself when I’m tan.

I’ve always hated eating in front of other people.

I’ve dated someone more than 5 years older than me.

My cat always decides to sleep on my black clothes and She gets hair all over them.

I have this one article of clothing that I loved so much I bought a bunch of them in different colors.

I am a perfectionist.

I am an only child.

I am Catholic.

I am currently in my PJs.

I am currently pregnant.

I am currently suffering from a broken heart.

I am left handed.

I am married.

I am addicted to Facebook.

I’m shy around the opposite sex.

I bite my nails.

I currently regret something I have done.

When I get mad I curse.

I don’t like anyone.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy jazz music.

I have a car.

I have a cellphone.

I have a pet.

I have at least one brother or sister.

I have been to another country.

I have been told that I’m smart.

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.

I have had a broken bone.

I have caller ID on my phone.

I have changed a lot over the past year.

I have had surgery.

I have killed another person.

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have had the cops called on me.

I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.

I have mood swings.

I have rejected someone before.

I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I have watched Sex In The City.

I like Shakespeare.

I love to cook.

I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I miss someone right now.

I own over 100 CDs.

I own over 100 DVDs.

I own and use a library card.

I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I strongly dislike math.

I think Britney Spears was pretty.

I will try ALMOST anything once.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would classify myself as ghetto.

I can name all seven dwarfs in Snow White.

I am currently wearing socks.

I am tired.

I am currently waiting for someone.

I lost contact with someone.

I hate Miley Cyrus.

I think Party In The USA is catchy.

I’d date Harry Potter.

I can name all the past presidents of the United States.

I know who was president before George Bush.

I need the internet to live.

I prefer vanilla over chocolate.

I watched Star Trek.

I watched all six movies of Star Wars.

I only watched a couple.

I own an Xbox.

I think music is life.

I’m texting a member of the opposite sex right now.

I’m listening to Jaaaason Derulooooo atm.

I usually don’t take these bolding surveys.

But anything to keep me from doing my homework.

I had a really good weekend.

I saw many wonderful faces.

I’ve gotten Starbucks within the past week.

I hate when a parent uses the whole ‘just because all your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you have to…’

I already went to prom.

I had/have a date for prom.

We’re going as friends.

My prom group is/was pretty big.

I have to listen to Matt & Kim atleast once a day.

I’ve had a all-you-can-listen-to-is-country phase before.

I’ve listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers within the past week.

Last thing I spent my money on was food.

Last thing I spent my money on was clothes.

My occupation is babysitting.

Ultimate frisbee is a sport.

I’m on a high school sports team.

I don’t have just one best friend.

I think a boy and a girl can be JUST friends without having benefits or falling for each other.

Sometimes I look at people and wonder what they were on when they got dressed in the morning.

I’d consider myself a city girl.

Jersey Shore is my guilty pleasure.

I had no idea there were even volcanoes in Iceland.

I’m closer to my mom.

I’m taller than my mom.

I really like being on Facebook.

I should get some homework done for tomorrow.

I’ve signed up for a boring field trip just to get out of school.

My best friend still has their V card.

I’ve used awkwardly cheesy pick up lines.

I’m usually stuck drunk sitting at parties.

I can be selfish at times.

I’m saving up for a car.

I’ve seen episodes of Skins.

I have not smoked anything in a while.

I’d say I’m somewhat liberal.

I’m still not ready to do my homework.

I need to go use the bathroom right about now.

[zolganif]

I can’t sleep if my hair isn’t up.

When I go to the bathroom at other people’s houses, I always lock the door.

Girl Scout cookies are my favorite.

I wish Subway had a delivery service.

I get offended really easily about certain things.

It’s hard to make me feel guilty.

I always need to be reassured.

If I care about someone, I’ll basically forgive them for anything.

I probably change my handwriting once a year.

I’m really worried about something.

I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the ACT.

I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the SAT.

I overreact about everything.

I let people walk all over me. I’m so bad at standing up for myself.

I don’t like being sick in general, but the part I hate most is having a sore throat.

I’m one of those annoying people who blows their nose ALL THE TIME.

If I’m outside I’d rather be hot than cold.

If I’m inside, I’d rather be cold than hot.

I have lots of clothes that don’t fit me, but I’m keeping them for some reason.

There’s a couple stores that I LOVE but I don’t have the money to shop there.

I barely ever go to the mall unless I have money to spend.

I secretly hate getting close to people because I know that they can hurt me.

I like All Time Low’s older music, I don’t like a lot of their new stuff.

I’ve never been to a real concert.

I’ve been to lots of local shows.

I’m not someone who likes a ton of attention, but there’s a certain person who I wish would pay more attention to me.

I’m thinking about changing my hair color.

I haven’t been under the influence of anything this month so far.

I’m very interested in psychology.

I don’t want to go to college, but I’m more than likely going to go.

I have NO IDEA where I’m going in life, and if I actually take time to think about it, it scares me.

I wanna see Alice In Wonderland!

Lately I’ve had a “Whatever happens, happens” kind of attitude and I feel a lot better.

I hate those days where EVERYTHING reminds me of someone.

I’m starting to not care about something that I used to care a lot about.

I haven’t had a birthday party in a really long time.

My parents are divorced.

I can’t stand it when people think they’re “more important” than someone or something.

I listen to the biggest variety of music.

I want an unusual pet.

I’ve always kinda wanted to dye my hair where it’s a different color underneath.

I’m too overemotional for my own good. I cry about everything.

I never check my e-mail any more.

I’m supposed to be doing something else right now.

When I was younger, I definitely had a favorite parent.

Now, I don’t have a favorite parent.

I love certain members of my family, and then there are certain members of my family I can’t stand.

I love it when I make a negative judgement about someone and I find out I was completely wrong.<-----I try not to do that most of the time. Only if they have done something that makes me think negative of them at first, but then prove me wrong. But yeah, I try to the good in everyone when first meeting them. 

I can’t decide how I want to get my hair cut.

I’m HORRIBLE at making up my mind. I’m probably the most indecisive person you’ll ever meet.

I only like Red Bull with Vodka.

I hate those flavored Smirnoff coolers.

I hate it when people put me on the spot about something that makes me uncomfortable.

I’m very self-conscious, and it’s pretty obvious.

I love talking to someone who I haven’t talked to in a long time and I find out that they’re exactly the same.

I’m kinda worried that I’ll never get my license.

I can’t drive a stick-shift car, no matter how hard I try.

I’m an impatient person, but I don’t like people who are impatient with me. I guess I’m a hypocrite.

The only time I feel good about myself is when I’m skinny.

I absolutely love pickles.

I don’t care about spelling and grammar as long as isn’t TOO bad.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’d DIE without music, but I’d be miserable without it.

Growing up, my dad was always the “cooler” parent.

I love little kids!

I really need to work up the motivation to go on a diet and lose weight.

I don’t approve of abortion at all, but I still think it should be legal.

I don’t think bright yellow looks good on anyone.

If it snows more this year, I’m gonna go crazy.

I haven’t been on a real vacation in more than 7 years.

I say the words “like” a lot without even realizing it.

I remember exactly what I was doing a year ago today, and I miss it.

I feel so much better about myself when I’m tan.

I’ve always hated eating in front of other people.

I’ve dated someone more than 5 years older than me.

My cat always decides to sleep on my black clothes and he gets hair all over them.

I have this one article of clothing that I loved so much I bought a bunch of them in different colors.

I am a perfectionist.

I am an only child.

I am Catholic.

I am currently in my PJs.

I am currently pregnant.

I am currently suffering from a broken heart.

I am left handed.

I am married.

I am addicted to Facebook.

I’m shy around the opposite sex.

I bite my nails.

I currently regret something I have done.

When I get mad I curse.

I don’t like anyone.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy jazz music.

I have a car.

I have a cellphone.

I have a pet.

I have at least one brother or sister.

I have been to another country.

I have been told that I’m smart.

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.

I have had a broken bone.

I have caller ID on my phone.

I have changed a lot over the past year.

I have had surgery.

I have killed another person.

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have had the cops called on me.

I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.

I have mood swings.

I have rejected someone before.

I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I have watched Sex In The City.

I like Shakespeare.

I love to cook.

I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I miss someone right now.

I own over 100 CDs.

I own over 100 DVDs.

I own and use a library card.

I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I strongly dislike math.

I think Britney Spears was pretty.

I will try ALMOST anything once.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would classify myself as ghetto.

I can name all seven dwarfs in Snow White.

I am currently wearing socks.

I am tired.

I am currently waiting for someone.

I lost contact with someone.

I hate Miley Cyrus.

I think Party In The USA is catchy.

I’d date Harry Potter.

I can name all the past presidents of the United States.

I know who was president before George Bush.

I need the internet to live.

I prefer vanilla over chocolate.

I watched Star Trek.

I watched all six movies of Star Wars.

I only watched a couple.

I own an Xbox.

I think music is life.

I’m texting a member of the opposite sex right now.

I’m listening to Jaaaason Derulooooo atm.

I usually don’t take these bolding surveys.

But anything to keep me from doing my homework.

I had a really good weekend.

I saw many wonderful faces.

I’ve gotten Starbucks within the past week.

I hate when a parent uses the whole ‘just because all your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you have to…’

I already went to prom.

I had/have a date for prom.

We’re going as friends.

My prom group is/was pretty big.

I have to listen to Matt & Kim atleast once a day.

I’ve had a all-you-can-listen-to-is-country phase before.

I’ve listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers within the past week.

Last thing I spent my money on was food.

Last thing I spent my money on was clothes.

My occupation is babysitting.

Ultimate frisbee is a sport.

I’m on a high school sports team.

I don’t have just one best friend.

I think a boy and a girl can be JUST friends without having benefits or falling for each other.

Sometimes I look at people and wonder what they were on when they got dressed in the morning.

I’d consider myself a city girl.

Jersey Shore is my guilty pleasure.

I had no idea there were even volcanoes in Iceland.

I’m closer to my mom.

I’m taller than my mom.

I really like being on Facebook.

I should get some homework done for tomorrow.

I’ve signed up for a boring field trip just to get out of school.

My best friend still has their V card.

I’ve used awkwardly cheesy pick up lines.

I’m usually stuck drunk sitting at parties.

I can be selfish at times.

I’m saving up for a car.

I’ve seen episodes of Skins.

I have not smoked anything in a while.

I’d say I’m somewhat liberal.

I’m still not ready to do my homework.

I need to go use the bathroom right about now.

[nothingbutthefix]

Teaser pt. 2

Author’s Note: Well, I’m sticking with the Teaser title, because that’s what Eren is gonna be ;) anyways, I do hope anyone reading it enjoys it and I do look forward to constructive criticism.

Warnings: This piece contains strong language as well as reference to adultery, implied drug use and male/male preference.

Tags: Erwin, Eren, Levi, AoTAU

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of AoT. This is a work of fantasy and in no way mirrors the thoughts or beliefs of AoT. Reader discretion is advised. Any songs referenced in this work are credited to the authors and performers. 

The Steel Rose was one of the only burlesque bars in town. The outward appearance was nothing to write home about. Weathered brick with slanted grey roof and a simplistic sign that read “The Steel Rose – Burlesque entertainment”. What it lacked in aesthetic though, it made up in patronage. A line had already formed outside, while two bouncers allowed and denied entry. Levi was an exception to this line, by passing the many with Erwin in tow.

           “Hey Reiner,” Levi said as he walked past the beefy blonde. He gave a simple nod as he checked a young woman’s ID, paying no mind to Erwin as they passed.

           Erwin had seldom come with Levi when he was scouting but he had always had someone he loved waiting at home. Well, someone he thought he loved that was.

           “Hey, are you going to be a downer all night?” the photographer suddenly questioned as they took their seats at a table nearby the multi-teared stage. The next show had yet to begin and waitresses and waiters were making their rounds before it became too dim to see.

           “I’m sorry, it’s only been a week since…” Erwin started but Levi waved a hand to silence him.

           “Of course, silly of me to forget,” Though his tone was caviler, Erwin knew he had been concerned, especially after Erwin called him at 3 in the morning immediately after kicking Rob out. Levi had showed up within the hour, offering no words just a brief, tight hug and then a scary movie fest. He had sat close enough to Erwin to let him know he wasn’t alone but not too close so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. They weren’t going to make that mistake again.

           “Well, there is a lot of fresh faced employee’s here who would just love to get fucked by you.” Levi offered up after placing a drink order with a very pretty red-head.

           “Levi, do you know what you can catch if you aren’t-,” “Practicing safe sex, yeah, I’ve heard your lecture, but you know Pixis would never employ anyone that had anything dangerous.”

           “I’m still pretty sure what he does is illegal,” Erwin grumbled.

           The entertainers at the club were very good at what they did, so much so that occasionally, if they themselves had given Pixis the green light, he would set up private, solo shows with the entertainers and whomever was the highest bidder for that night. Whatever happened after the doors closed was up to the entertainer themselves.

           “The world is a fucked up place,” is all Levi offered as the house lights dimmed.

           Erwin had no idea how the staff found their way around in the dark but they managed somehow and two drinks were on the table before the lights came on. Most of the songs were dance pop from this millennium so naturally Erwin and Levi knew none of them. Erwin thought he recognized one of the singers as “Lady GaGa” but he wasn’t 100% sure.

           The men knew most of the performers here weren’t as vocally adept as they were shaking around their naughty bits but it didn’t take away from the entertainment.

           However, Erwin was beginning to grow tired of the overly cheery music and the raunchy dancing. Maybe on another night when he wasn’t so prone to his melancholy, he would enjoy. But he knew tonight was not that night.

           The doctor leaned over to address this to his best friend when a song that was out of place began to play. “VooDoo” by Godsmack began its opening lyrics as the stage dimmed completely and left a lone male standing in the middle. He was wearing nothing but torn cargo-esque pants, the kind you might see in a post-apocalyptic desert wasteland.  As the drum beat began to pick up a young, curvaceous thing seemed to appear from behind him. She was dressed in tight, worn, brown leather, a hooded shawl hiding her face except for her bright green eyes. Immediately Erwin perked up and he could see Levi shift as well.

           She was languid in her movements but there was a raw sexuality behind it that made their mouths go dry. Slowly, as the song progressed she removed the shawl, revealing blood red hair that spilled down to her hips, straight as a rod. She moved around the young man in the cargo pants as he lip synced the song, seeming to be nothing more than a human pole for her to grind against.

           She must’ve been new; the photographer had never seen the likes of her. She was mesmerizing and made his cock twinge with curiosity. Levi never claimed to be anything but himself, however, he rarely found women to peak his interest. He could readily appreciate their beauty for what it was but he never felt inclined to put his dick in them.

           Levi vaguely noticed, as the song ended, that there were two other similar pairs preforming on the stages beside the red head but they weren’t nearly as striking. One was pale with jet black hair and eyes, the other a blue eyed, curly haired blonde.

           “She’d be perfect,” Levi mumbled, mostly to himself as he clutched his whiskey in the hand resting on the table.

           “She makes me question my sexuality a little,” Erwin replied in a half laugh as the lights came on. Levi grunted in agreement as he sipped his drink.

The performers were taking a break, allowing the servers to return to do their part. This also allowed for Pixis, the manager, to make his rounds.

           “Why hello there, Levi,” Pixis said with a grin as he passed in front of the table, “Enjoying the new talent, I see.”

           “What’s the red-head’s name,” Levi said, getting straight to the point. Erwin shot him a side glance, one eyebrow lifted. Erwin knew Levi was blunt but he had never seen such focus in the photographer.

           Pixis laughed a little, seeming unsurprised. The owner casually leaned against their table, “She’s new, as in today.”

           “That doesn’t give me a name,” Levi replied flatly, crossing his arms. Erwin tried not to snort, gazing at his friend. The photographer looked like a petulant teen instead of the 32 year old he was.

           “Masha,” Pixis sighed, “Masha Ivanov… Are you looking to get a little private time with her in the backroom? I have yet to get the green light from her,” he continued as he walked around the table so he could stand between the two patrons. He placed his hands on their shoulders, mocking a fatherly figure as he gazed at the stage as performers got ready for their next “act”.

           Erwin shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t as familiar with the old owner as Levi was and he didn’t really want to be either. However, he had to admit, his curiosity was very real. What could make this “Masha” so alluring?

           “I’m not looking to fuck the woman, just ask her if she’s interested in modeling,” Levi retorted, his voice pitching slightly. Now Erwin was sure there was something else going on in his best friend’s head. His voice hadn’t cracked like that since they were in high school, when he wasn’t so sure of himself.

           “Listen, I’ll chat with her at the end of the night and send someone out to arrange something,” Pixis said, removing his hands to place them behind his back, “but I can’t promise anything, she is remarkably…shy.”

           With that, the old man turned to check on his other patrons.

           “What the hell was that?” Erwin asked after a few minutes of silence, barely interested in the show as it progressed. Much like Levi, he too had found the woman intoxicating but just like the gin he was drinking; he knew all she would do is leave him with a hangover and a bad taste in his mouth.

           Levi hesitated for a moment before returning to his cool, calm and collected demeanor.

           “I guess I just really need this model or I’m screwed,” Levi finally admitted. He hadn’t wanted to let Erwin know just how much he had riding on this photoshoot but the truth had to come out sometime.

             Eren grunted as he peeled off his wig backstage. Thank god Pixis was giving him this trial run tonight; he didn’t think he could manage a full set like Mikasa or Armin.

           He watched from the wings as Mikasa stole center stage, bending and moving in ways that made his head hurt. The young man didn’t think he could ever be so flexible.

           Sighing heavily, he weaved his way through the scurrying entertainers as they got ready for their own performances. The chaos vaguely reminded him of Showgirls except without the potential threat of being pushed down a staircase.

           With an unceremonial plop, Eren took a seat at his vanity table. As he placed his blood red wig on its stand he took time to admire the makeup he had done for a moment before grabbing a wipe to bring the feminine facade to an end. Being a drag queen had its pros and cons, but creating a passing look was always Eren’s pride and joy.

           As he stripped his face of the cover-up, Armin took his place next to him.

           The blonde groaned in relief as he took off his six inch stilettos, his blonde curls in slight disarray.

           “I’ll tell you what,” he started with a sigh while touching up his eye makeup, “I envy your sister sometimes, not having to wear padding or tuck her junk in.”

           Eren laughed a little as he removed his false eyelashes. Armin and he had been best friends since Mikasa first introduced them. One wouldn’t assume the small, mousey blonde to have a sensual bone in his body and during the day time, he was rather reserved and happy just to be included in the conversation. When he was his alter ego, Milan, though, it was best just to stay out of “her” way.

           “Yes, but then she wouldn’t have to do so many squats to get an ass like J-Lo, now would she,” Eren retorted as he leaned back in his chair, staring at his completely male appearance.

           “Talk shit, Eren, see where it gets you,” Mikasa replied as she suddenly took her place on Eren’s vacant side.

           “Yeah, right, what are you gonna do, smother me with your stuffed bra?”

           “Bitch, I might,” Mikasa tone was deadpan but Eren could see the humor in her eyes as she pulled off the bubblegum pink wig off her head and shook out her black hair.

           “Last show of the night?” Armin asked instead of letting the siblings continue with their banter.

           “Yes, thank god, I worked way too hard at the gym the other day, I almost pulled a muscle going into the splits out there,” Mikasa groaned as she rubbed the tender underside of her left thigh. Armin nodded in sympathy as he stood and began to strip from his cat suit. Eren looked up at the ceiling, his cheeks coloring slightly. Yes, he had seen other guys naked before but that was in the gym locker room in high school. He knew there was nothing sexual about it, but it felt a little intimate for him.

           “Relax, newbie,” Armin murmured, patting his head, “I’m wearing a thong anyways.”

           Eren sighed as he tilted his head to see that, yes, Armin was wearing a black lace thong, his tuck job impeccable.

           “Excuse me, ‘Masha’,” Jean, one of the male dancers suddenly interrupted, having been quietly staring at the now redressing Armin, “Pixis wanted to let you know that one the guests wanted to speak with you.”          

           “He is not going back to the private room,” Mikasa butted in before Eren could even speak. Her eyes took on that protective, mothering look that they used to when Eren was in high school. He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before looking at Jean.

           “What do they want?” he asked the male dancer as he took his hand back to look at Jean.

           Jean shrugged, “I dunno, but I don’t think it’s for that.”

           “You’re rather helpful,” Mikasa retorted sarcastically. Jean shrugged once again before walking away, eyeing Armin all the while. The blonde in question was unaware, however, as he finished pulling on his hoodie.

           “What am I gonna do? I’m already out of drag,” Eren asked Mikasa as soon as it was just the three of them again, all the others finishing up or, god forbid, getting ready for a “private show”. Eren didn’t know really much in the way of the whole “private show” thing but Mikasa had made it abundantly clear to Pixis before Eren was hired that her brother would not be preforming for those under any circumstances.

           “I could go out there, tell whoever that you aren’t interested?” Mikasa offered as she gave Eren her full attention, despite the fact that only half her face was cleared off. The affect was almost comical but Eren’s heart had started to race. Sure, he had expected to get noticed but to be asked for his presence on his very first night?

           “I don’t need you to protect me,” Eren finally replied but it was a weak and he had to look down. Shame flushed his face as he even considered her offer.

           “Hey, it’s ok, I know how you are around others,” Mikasa murmured, gently ruffling his hair. He felt so juvenile but swallowed his fear and shook his head.

           “Nah,” he began, looking back up at his sister, “I think I’ll be ok, I’ll just tell them I’m Masha’s boyfriend, or something.”

           Armin snorted, having been quietly listening to the conversation, “might wanna butch up a little before you go.”

           The blonde gestured to the post-apocalyptic garb Eren was still wearing and the brunette nodded, having almost completely forgotten.