#but ive been fighting with my laptop for hours now so fuck it. thats for future el to maybe do

[tennet]

THE LAST OF US

1.06 ‘Kin’ // 1.09 ‘Look For The Light’

[goremet-chef]

just found someone who makes monster hunter lego builds do NOT speak to me im. this. GRGRGRG

anyways heres some gifs i have of monsters cuz im in love with this series forever and always (super long ramble SFJKS ive been writing this for hours)

odogaron + ebony odo is like.... you dont understand. thats me i kin so many monsters from MH its insane like.. thats literally me nothing reflects me better LOOK AT THEM. rathalos, odogaron, nargacuga like any red scary thing i resonate with deep in my soul its insane

this one is one of my headmates favorites. shrieking legi really came thru when he was having a bad time and i love this for him. ITS JUST LIKE... so many of the monsters resonate with us on such personal levels, that its hard to even explain. i am selfish, and i do view monster hunter as my game (got that autism special) like these are my creatures they were made for me

REAL TALK THO, these two were genuinely actually made for me look at this shit

unknown (black flying wyvern) and valstrax my beloveds. fucking god tier

the fact that i already resonate with the rathalos so hard, and it turns out theres a black and red edgier cool version of it/????like are you insane when i discovered this thing i was. SO UNWELL IN MY CHANNEL ON DISCORD i literally rambled about it for AN HOUR STRAIGHT. then when i found out about valstrax i rambled about that one for an hour too SKFJS like wow they are so cool. autism is real

also have this one, xeno'jiiva is so. MHW was my first MH game (say what you will) and god damn. im gonna be real idk if id be so into it if it wasnt for MHW, cuz like.... the main appeal of the entire game series to me is the monsters themselves. like im. when i first started i was TOO SCARED TO FIGHT THE GREAT JAGRAS (yknow. the first large monster you fight 😭😭 like the 3rd quest. insane) because ive never been into fighting games and having something large PURSUE ME didnt sound pleasant

crazy that i went from being too scared to play it again to LITERALLY playing for 72 hours almost STRAIGHT with minimal pee and sleep breaks, and giving myself carpal fucking tunnel cuz i was just. obsessed. AUTISM IS REAL

went from couldnt stand 10 minutes of it to 400 hours in game SKFJSD

and i would do it again bitch!!!

so what im SAYING. alright. is that im not a fighter in games (well NOW i am, but before i super wasnt) but what drew me in was how i could just.. watch. how i could see all the big scary monsters sleep and eat and walk around and fight eachother. how i could get their tracks, listen to their sounds, ETC. like it was so. IT WAS THRILLING and ive never been more in love

like for context my first special interest is fnaf and i wouldnt be anything like myself if i never got into fnaf like life changing shit. but i gotta say, i mean. ive played the fnaf games and i love the story and EVERYTHING this is not a diss on my first home!!!! but i played MHW to the point of exhaustion, to where i needed to have an arm brace and even then despite the HORRIBLE PAIN in my wrist, i still kept playing

i played so much i literally managed to rub the s and w letters of my siblings keyboard KSJFSF like it was for real. i miss that, like a lot. i dont play as much anymore because i mean. i have it on my laptop. my laptop is a gaming laptop and it can run!! but its better for my

yknow i dont think i have an actual reason and im literally about to cry thinking about it SKFSFJ the good computer with the good graphics and running is my siblings and id need permission, yknow how it is. PLUS im a bit stuck? i need an urugaan ruby for my barioth mission lmao but ill get there

monster hunter world is so beautiful. the environments are fucking stunning, the visual upgrade for the monsters was INSANE and just watching them be animals? it brings me so much joy KSJSJSJ

one of my favorites is the rotten vale, which is funny cuz i remember the first time i ever went there i was so. PARANOID. i use sound with pretty much everything i play since my eyes might not track everything thats happening, so hearing the ambience for the vale freaked me out so much, i stayedat the camp for SO LONG and good thing too cuz the radobaan makes its way down that path and i was shook SKFJSF

also the big fucking dalamadur skeleton in the vale is so. UGHHHH

i love horror and rot and decay!!! its frightening its unsettling but even still the vale is such a necessary part of the ecosystem!!! like wow monsters come there to DIE? are youINSANE

(dalamadur is like one of the biggest monsters for reference. the whole upper part of the vale is made of its skeleton cuz its a big snake its so UGHHH)

also the???? STOMACH ACID POOL?

they were cooking bro,,,,, such a gorgeous and unsettling environment goddd

like GOD i cant think of anything better, the story for MHW is so good man. the tracker said "its an ecological marvel" and i took that personally (i repeat that so much about random shit its not even funny how long ive been doing that for)

or how like... any of the docile monsters (tobi kadachi, banbaro, kulu ya ku, ETC) i genuinely if i go on expedition, and i see theres a docile monster in one of the locales, ill go there and just follow them around the ENTIRE TIME SFKSFS

heres SEVERAL pics of me with banbaros at different times KSJFS

that isnt even all of them with JUST banbaro 💀💀💀 its my favorite activity

and sometimes i get hit with the banbaro / nightshade paolumu / coral pukei combo!!!! thats a triple docile whammy!!!!! thriving

also heres a cute viper tobi shot :] love viper tobi

also also i cant believe i never said anything yet but VAAL HAZAK??? my actual liege look at this mf

MY LORD!!! vaal is so fucking cool man. and the KICKER??? DOCILE

whenever i do this quest i do just follow it around for a while (which. ive had to do this quest A LOT cuz i thought i get vitality crystals from it (yknow cuz i got some from it) so i have probably 100% killed more vaal hazak than any of the other elder dragons SKFJSF

vaal hazak is so cool cuz its covered in rotten meat and uses the effluvium (corpse gas) as its like. life source. it pulls excess effluvium from the vale into itself and expels it when theres not enough, so its keeping the ecosystem tame its so cool UGHH

also one of its moves it plays dead its so fucked up itll fall over like you've knocked it over and then just lay there but you hear its inhale and it looks up and BLASTS YOU with its effluvia gas beam (WHICH. THAT THING HURTS!!!!!! for real the effluvium attack is so. plus it also halves yr health? like if vaal hits you with that shit itll give you miasma or whatever and it HALFS YR HEALTH BAR and you gotta eat a nulberry to negate it

im not one for switching shit around in my like item bar tho (MAINLY cuz most the time ive played MHW was with my siblings mouse and its scroll bare was broken so swapping items was hard) so i just put on like 3 effluvia resistance gems and it cant give me miasma. problem solved SKFSJF

i did get so tired of fighting it cuz yknw its a hard fight its an elder dragon, but i will say like the MUSIC? thats one of the things like. when we fought megan in the forest, they gave us battle music and THAT is why i kicked ass and abandoned all my fear, monster hunter instincts kicked in and i tanked alright like it was NOTHING, battle music just hits different

vaal hazak theme is so fucking good!!!! "keeper of hades" ARE YOU INSANE? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND????? i cant believe this shit!!!!!!!!

monster hunter stop being the coolest franchise ever challenge KSFJSF

i did do vaal hazak fight with no music before cuz i was trying to see and. THE MUSIC DOES SO MUCH? literally there was like no adrenaline without the music it was just. :| oh. im in the vale. thats the dragon. hes gonna breath attack. okay LIKE IT WAS SO LACK LUSTER IT WAS INSANE

i never realized how much the music did for fights but its so.. vital bro like it gets you in the fighting mood it compliments the monster and the area its !!!GRAAAAHHHH

monster hunter soundtrack is literally so fucking good. BANGERS back to back literally every song is so fucking cracked its epic

dont even get me STARTED on "proof of a hero" that song makes me stim so fucking hard man it makes me feel so fucking good. my sibling made his ringtone for me that song and AUGHHH crying sobbing

like yeah this is proof that im a hero!!! literally makes me feel so proud and FOR WHATTTT

idk im such a firm believer in the importance of sound design, sound design is EVERYTHINGGG and MH does such a good job with that shit, the monster roars and environmental ambience, audio cues to what attack is gonna happen, the music its all. perfect 10/10 godtier shit

anyways this is my monster hunter ramble, it most likely will happen again. love this game with all my heart

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Mr.Bakugo pt3

Summary. Reader is a waiter/waitress trying to pay for classes, spills a drink on Bakugo on accident and instead of cleaning him up they fuck in the janitors closet, turns out Pro Hero Bakugo is a Sugar Daddy and offers to pay in exchange for readers affection.

It wasint long before Bakugo had to leave for patroll. He didint want to leave and you were still reeling over the money. Bakugo held you for awhile before he had to get up , he told you all about his years at UA, the fighting, becoming a Pro, how he finally softened up.

“Im sure you know all about my UA days Cutie.” He asked stroking youre cheek

“You mean the muzzle at the sports festival?” You joked teasing at his chest.

Bakugo picked you up humming and laid you down getting ontop of you sticking his chin out. “Out of everything that happened to me thats youre favorite fact about me?”

“It was kinda hot so..” youre face turned red

Bakugo laughed laying his head on youre chest, he had not thought about that in a long long time... “that brings me back..”

You slowly wrapped youre arms around his back holding him close to you. “I enjoyed learning all about you, youre my favorite Pro. Youre a lot calmer now i noticed when youre on tv too”

Bakugo rested his chin on youre chest watching you. “After everything ive been through, and getting older , way older.. i just dont have it in me anymore, the yelling the threats. Im lucky Kirishima stuck around with me..”

“You never found someone to spend youre life with?” You asked pulling him up to you to kiss him but instead he nuzzled his face into youre neck talking low.

“People threw themselves at me. Sure it was fun in the beginning but it was all the same.. ‘i slept with a Pro Hero.!’ Or ‘Ground Zero re arranged my insides!’ They all just wanted to fuck .”

“And you did ...?”

He looked up grinning and you made a puffy face at him making him chuckle. “Cmon Cutie, im Bakugo.”

“Pfftt!!!!”

He laughed hugging you and kissing youre face , he sat up on you smirking . “I did yeah, but after awhile.. it got lonely. I got up there in my years and.. i calmed down , and no one cared anymore. Now im just as soft as all the others...”

You held onto his hips pulling youreself up , youre lips met his and his rough hands cupped youre face giving you a deep kiss back.

“Mr.Bakugo.. youre amazing no matter how you are. You still give off that intimidating vibe at least to me and well.. i like that youre older soo..”

He laughed rubbing his face on youres pulling you close. “Lucky lucky me.” He teased laying down with you ontop of him , you both kissed for awhile till his phone went off. He groaned breaking the kiss to answer his phone.

“Yes? Kirishima? Fine.” He hung up sighing at you , petting youre head.

“Have to go?” You asked

He sat back up sitting you on the couch getting up stretching. “Yes.. help youreself to whatever Cutie. Ill be home late..”

You got up wrapping youre arms around his neck kissing him , Bakugo smiled holding youre hips kissing back, swaying lightly. His phone buzzed again and Bakugo groaned pulling away and stomping to his room to change.

You rubbed youre blushing face before setting up youre laptop on his kitchen table . You sat down looking at the screen.

‘Pay Financial Aid.’

You clicked Pay in Full and you nearly cried. Bakugo came back in his costume to see youre teary face. He dashed over cupping youre face lifting youre head up to look at him.

“Cutie?!”

“I paid for it.. Mr.Bakugo i paid off my classes..”

He smiled rolling his eyes, his shoulders relaxing. “Ahh.. cutie. I guess thats something to cry about. Get all youre work done okay?” He kissed youre lips standing back up going to the door. “Ill.. miss you” he left .

••••

Later on you were almost done with youre work, you stopped a few times to text Momo telling her and she ended up calling you and you talked for an hour. You finally got Momo to get off the phone but only because youre mother was trying to call you.

“Mom? “

“Y/N!!!!”

You blinked feeling a sinking feeling in youre stomach. “Yes.. mom...?”

“HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS?!”

“..no? “ you got up grabbing the remote from the couch switching to the news.

‘Our hot scoop of the day is Pro Hero Ground Zero picking up a much younger student at school today!!! Are they dating?!? ‘. The kids that were surrounding you when Mr.Bakugo picked you up took pictures... him greeting you, holding the doop open.. driving away.

“Mo-“

“FIRST THING TOMORROW , MY HOUSE . YOURE FATHER AND ME HAVE SOMETHING WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT!”

“Yes mom..”

Youre phone clicked off, you squeezed the phone in youre shaking hand.

[shaechans]

ask game!!

the answers are under the cut in case it goes too long hehe

Last Song You Listened To?

from home by nct

Relationship Status.

single!!

Did You Wake Up Cranky?

no in fact i woke in a really good mood cause i didn’t have school lmao

How Many Followers?

426 holy shit thank you

Take A Vitamin Daily?

nope

Do You Sing In The Shower?

of course. but sometimes i just think of shower thoughts

What Books Are You Reading?

started the hunger games series recently

Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“information technology (IT) is the study of design, development, implementation, support or management of computer based information” that’s my sisters’ 8th grade social textbook lols

Favourite Anime?

death note (thats the only ive watched so far, gonna start haikyuu soon)

Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom sigh i cried cause of this terrible headache i had and couldn’t handle anymore

Do You Collect Anything?

...albums?

What Did You Have For Lunch?

fish curry and fish fry yum

Do You Dance In The Car?

more like sing than dance but then again, it depends on the song and the mood im in

Do You Watch The Olympics?

as of now, no but i might have to soon

What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

11pm on school days and 1-2am on weekends

Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

nope

Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

none. i don’t like swimming. but if i chad to choose, pool. i’m thalassophobic

Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled!!!

What Makes You Happy?

making people laugh, the noise of laughter, kpop, and spending time with people i like annoying

Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

with music. but like music i haven’t heard before otherwise i get distracted and sing along

Dogs Or Cats?

dogs!!!!!!!111!!!! but cats have been coming at me recently

If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

ngl red or orange

PlayStation Or Xbox

hmm playstation

Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

lake better than ocean

Do You Believe In Magic?

yesss except black magic that’s bullshit

What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

juniper green

Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yup!

Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

yes my shorts

Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

yes treasure (and superm’s super one album)

Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

noooo they’re scary

Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

yes VERY easily. i’m a trend follower

Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the time, it’s fun to think about in the morning

Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

oh yesss i love plane rides

Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts

If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

nct / the 1975

Are You A Picky Eater?

yes, VERY. and i have a small appetite so i can never really eat too much

Do You Like To Read / Write?

hmm write more than read

Do You Like Your Music Loud?

in between. sometimes it depends on my mood. but i’ll often lower the volume than increase

Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

hmmm present wrapping would be fun

What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

it’s the autumn > winter transition

What Are You Craving Right Now?

cookies and french fries:(( even though i ate those an hour ago

Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

lmao my ask and yes i use my laptop so

What Is Your Gender?

female!

Coffee Or Tea?

i don’t mind really but i would prefer coffee over tea

Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

nope but i do have a marketing test on the 29th yikes

Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

yes im tidy like that

Favourite Pokemon?

squirtle and snorlax cuties

Favourite Social Media?

ngl right now really proud of my tumblr. but it’s usually my instagram

What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

i love them

Do You Get Homesick?

YES ALOT, like i feel like that as soon as im out my house for like 5 minutes

Are You A Virgin?

yes and im 15

If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

fuck that motel i’d sleep in the car wtf

Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

yes<3

Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

hmm i don’t really yet

Do You Miss Your Ex?

don’t have one woohoo

What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

if beyonce can forgive jayz, i can forgive you ~ kevin moon

Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

the swings were are my favourite on the playground. i LOVE going on them and will fight 5 year olds to sit on one >.<

What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

banana

Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

OF COURSE. i would help anyone in need of help, homeless or not, outcast or not. if you wouldn’t please unfollow me thank you

Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

...yes

Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

..........yes

Do You Like Meeting New People?

sometimes yes sometimes no. it depends on the group of people, i’m attracted to lively and playful groups pf people

Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

nopeee

Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

opennnn

What Are Three Things You Did Today?

made myself a sandwich, replayed enhypen’s teaser a billion times and watched nct world’s latest episode

What Do You Wear To Bed?

comfy clothes

List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

none

Are You A Day Or Night Person?

day hmmm what

Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

i.... cannot remember.. i briefly remember this one dream where i, along with a group of people were locked up in this tower thing and it was a test???? and the judge was rain. he trained us for a week or something to rock climbing. and then i remember sunwoo helping me win when he was in the opposite team and he was about to kiss me woop but i fell.. and suddenly i was running away in a getaway car there were sirens in the beat of your heart kjakjahsj and then i woke up whew

Favourite Soda Drink?

ginger ale

Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans

How Do You Look Right Now?

face oily, neck sore and eyes falling woooo

Name Something That Relaxes You

this playlist

What Tattoo Do You Want?

lowkey want a mmdiii (2503) or Yea, Simon says Hurry up 거리에 널린 flat hoop들 멈춘 순간 널 향해 조준 다 쏜다Hands up 뒤돌아 Hands up 흔들어 숨이 가득 차도 여기 법 계속 달려왜 또 눈치만 보고 서있나 우두커니 왜 또 겁먹은 표정을 짓나 이걸 원해?주문을 외워 I'm God 너희를 홀려 like wow NCT we all so sexy NCT noise you can't break me 누가 날 욕해 who Bless me achoo Simon says be cool Don't be such a fool Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 필요 없어 그딴 말말말말말 We don't pay no mind mind mind mind mind Yo 꽉 막힌 차 사이로 길을 여는 siren 니 맘에 그 체증을 밤새 뚫고 달려누구보다 빨라 전부 뒤에 가있어 거침없어 모든 건 내게 달려Eh 점점 분위기는 high high high high 우릴 막는 소린 bye bye bye bye 신경 다 끄고 놀아 밤새 누가 뭐라 하든 상관 안 해주문을 외워 I'm God 너희를 홀려 like wow NCT we all so sexy NCT noise you can't break me 누가 날 욕해 who Bless me achoo Simon says be cool Don't be such a fool Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (killer killer killer) 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 필요 없어 그딴 말말말말말 We don't pay no mind mind mind mind mind두려워하지마 널 막는 건 너 일 뿐 yeah 착각하지마 우린 오늘 break the rules 눈을 뜨고 깨어나 이 순간 깊숙이 빠져들어가 현실과 꿈의 사이 진짜 널 찾는 그 순간Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (aye, real vibe killer) Simon says 우린 real vibe killer (aye, real vibe killer) 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 너네들은 다 mine mine mine mine mine 필요 없어 그딴 말말말말말 We don't pay no mind mind mind mind mind We don't pay no attention but i don’t maybe the mmdiii.

whew that was a long one...kudos to whoever read all this bullshit

[supposed2bfunny]

Tell me about this MacDennis. Is it a ship name from a tv show?

Anon, I’m sorry this reply is so late. I’ve literally been trying to make a long post to answer you all day, and my app kept crashing at work. So now home, on my laptop, *cracks knuckles* info-dump time!

So yes! MacDennis is the super uncreative ship name for Mac and Dennis from the show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”–y’know, Danny Devito throwing trash around? Charlie asking if Santa Clause fucked his mom? That’s the show!

It’s basically just five horrible people working at a bar and spending their days drinking and engaging in all sorts of mean-spirited shenanigans, often back-stabbing one another along the way. The show is vile, vulgar, crude, utterly hilarious.

And then you have Dennis and Mac. They’re best friends, roommates, and co-owners of the bar. 

Dennis fancies himself the mastermind (and sex appeal) of the group, Mac seems to think of himself as some sort of bodyguard/muscle man. Both of them are totally delusional. I mean, there’s sad undertones to this show because like, both men are working through miserable and lonely childhoods and are inherently unhappy with who they’ve grown into. They spend a lot of time trying to avoid the reality of who they are as people: petty, selfish, desperately alone and craving love but not knowing how to give it.

But MacDennis is a great ship because not only are they canonically codependent idiots who can’t function like proper adults without one another (see Dennis having a hissy fit because he won’t eat an apple unless Mac peels it for him since “that’s where all the toxins are!”) but also, as the show hits its stride in like season 4/5, the actors (who are also the creators/writers of the show) just really get their chemistry PERFECT. The constant looks, smiles, and touches they share are so cute and intimate. I can’t find any photos on Google, but Dennis is constantly touching Mac during the show, to calm him, to reassure him, to ground him.

And I mean, hello: there’s an episode called “Mac and Dennis Break Up.” it’s what it sounds like–they have a fight and stop being friends and the rest of the gang has to reunite them. But the whole episode is spent treating it like a romantic relationship between two pissy gay men who need each other but are too proud to admit it.

Examples of canon shit these two idiots do: Pretend to be a gay couple! Call each other every hour that they’re apart to “check in!” Eavesdrop one each other’s phone conversations out of jealousy! Dennis shakes his thong-clad ass at Mac saying “I wanna turn you on!” Mac glues his pubes to Dennis’ face while he’s sleeping! Isn’t there a whole scene where Mac is feeling Dennis’ nipples, or vice versa?? They go out to monthly dinners like it’s a date night! They talk about one another’s muscles and physiques!

They’re utterly ridiculous, and especially since Mac eventually does come out as gay much later in the show after working through a ton of internalized homophobia, there’s hope that they can both overcome their pasts and find happiness. Ideally together, because they both seem the most relaxed and happy when they’re having their weekly movie nights and throwing back beers together. I’m not caught up with the show, and I know that Dennis kind has a series of mental breakdowns and their friendship is currently in a pretty bad place. But I really have hope for them. 

Because Mac gives Dennis the unwavering trust, validation, and warmth that he’s spent his life chasing.

Because Dennis’s affection and possessiveness satisfy the craving for a sense of belonging Mac has sought since childhood.

They’re both hot messes, but they could make each other SO HAPPY if they just opened their eyes.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk! *end info dump*

[agentdammers]

Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13

IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E

One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch

1x12 “captain jack harkness”

- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting

- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?

- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever

- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both

- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!

- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F    U    C   K

- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared

- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....

- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING “He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game

- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao

- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ

- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it. I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”. y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!

- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time. but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????

this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.

- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!! “Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!! Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.

- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right

- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................

1x13 “end of days”

- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE

- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.

- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears

- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN

- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????

- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it. i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!

- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.

- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.

- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕

- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”

- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...

- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”

- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!! you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still

- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............

- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS

- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”

- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.

- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES

- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.

- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw

- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;

- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)

- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!

[phandomsecretvalentines]

Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright

This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!

I hope you enjoy!   -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart

tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU

words: 4.7k

Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.

(ao3 link)

(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.

  Phil :) (9:47 PM)

i know!

i can’t believe it either!

For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.

Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.

  Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)

Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!

**neither, this

Jeez i can spell

Phil :) (9:51 PM)

idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…

  Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!

Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.

Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.

He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.

To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.

  Phil :) (10:07 PM)

Dan you know im joking right?

Phil :) (10:16 PM)

Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want

u didnt fall asleep did you?

  Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.

  Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)

nooo im not sleeping

Phil :) (10:18 PM)

:(

Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)

why the frowny face

Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-

His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.

(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)

  Phil :) (10:20 PM)

did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?

*disappeared

Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.

  Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)

now look who’s making the typos

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

Dan.

  He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.

Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.

  Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)

sorry, joke

no, thats not why i ran away

i was just thinking, thats all

Phil :) (10:21 PM)

were you doing it again

  Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.

Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?

  Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)

no

Phil :) (10:22 PM)

im not convinced

you were werent you

Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)

does my word not count for anything lol

Phil :) (10:24 PM)

maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count

Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)

what’s my face got to do with anything?

Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.

  Phil :) (10:26 PM)

bc then i could tell if you were lying

tho rn i dont even need that

Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)

are u seriously saying im lying

Phil :) (10:27 PM)

yeah

you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth

you joked

changed / focused the conversation onto smth else

and besides

ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff

Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)

so how bout we not talk about them then

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

normally, maybe

but not with this

Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)

and why not?

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head

Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)

who said i was beating myself up in my head

Phil :) (10:30 PM)

… dan :/

youre avoiding again

Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?

  Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)

fine. maybe i am

what are you gonna do about it philly?

Phil :) (10:32 PM)

daaaaannnnnn

you arent allowed to beat yourself up

no ones allowed to

especially you!

  Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.

  Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)

and why not? Hmm?

Phil :) (10:34 PM)

bc youre my favorite person silly

my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip

Phil :) (10:35 PM)

ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that

and theyre my rules

my rules for my favorite person

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule

*philip

Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.

Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-

  Phil :) (10:41 PM)

[multimedia image: click to load]

With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.

  Rules:

1. Dan Howell is my favorite person

2. No one is allowed to make fun of him

3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself

Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.

Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.

  Phil :) (10:43 PM)

there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now

Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)

i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork

but fine! i guess if i have to lol

Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.

  Phil :) (10:46 PM)

so you admit to your crimes xD

but anyways

you were stuck in your head again

which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help

Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.

But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.

  Phil :) (10:47 PM)

can i ask whats got you so sad and worried

so i can beat it up

obvs

  Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?

He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.

  Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)

noooo

Phil :) (10:51 PM)

are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it

i just wanna be here for you

If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.

Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.

  Phil :) (10:53 PM)

bc youre my best friend.

obvs. xD

If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.

Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.

Fuck.

  Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)

it doesnt matter

Phil :) (10:56 PM)

yes it does

its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters

Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)

phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

still

something is bothering you and i want to fix it

Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.

  Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)

nooo phil, you cant fix this one

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

>:(

you cant even let me try?

  Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.

  Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)

no phil, not with this sorry :(

Phil :) (11:01 PM)

:((((

okay

i may not like it but i can respect that

will you tell me tomorrow?

Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.

He could only hope.

  Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)

sure

tomorrow

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

yay!!!

  Dan laughed, breathily.

  Phil :) (11:03 PM)

oooh! look at the time!

its getting so late bear wow

guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD

  Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.

God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.

Stupid feelings.

  Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)

yeah i guess we should!

night philly :)

Phil :) (11:05 PM)

goodnight dan!! :D

see you tomorrow!

(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“)  )

Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.

He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.

  Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)

:)

  After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.

God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.

Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.

Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.

Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.

For once.

Please.

~~~~~~

Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.

He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.

With no luck.

Of course.

Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.

But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!

But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.

As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.

For Phil.

~~~~~

Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.

Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.

Dan was here.

There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.

The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.

Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.

People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.

But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.

Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-

"Dan!”

Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.

Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.

Against Phil.

And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.

Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.

Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.

His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.

Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.

“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.

Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.

“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”

Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.

“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”

Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.

“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.

Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.

“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”

Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.

He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.

Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.

Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.

This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.

~~~~~

Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.

It had been nearly nine years.

Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.

It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.

As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.

Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.

The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.

[heyekiel]

Thank you to my litteral twin @th7thsense for tagging me this literraly took a month lol 1. Ultimate bias(es)?

Donghyuck is my son

2. who are your top 3 groups?

NCT

BTS

EXO

BTS and EXO are actually tied i actually listen to alot of everything but those three group are the ones i have the most songs of.

3. what are your 3 favourite songs?

Hiro - Soprano (I’m,, this song?? if you have time go check it outtbh)

It’s our fight - Steve Jablonsky

Another World - NCT 127

4. what do you like to do in your free time?

slepping

reading fanfic in bed

staying in bed

being on my laptop in my bed

writing lyrics (in bed lmao)

editing/giffing sometimes

watching vine compilations (seriously those have ruined my life i cant)

5. are there any places you would like to visit that you haven’t already visited?

asia is a place we dont really learn about in europe so,, there (China seems realy pretty,, Vietnam too? idk if its the right spelling but Tibet?) and Poland  and Greece.

6. do you have a dream job?

producer/composer/lyricist. Im aiming for sound engineer right now? but im hoping this evolves into something different. I can always do both wich is great.

7. if you could meet ANY korean CELEBRITY (includes actors, models, k-music artists, etc.), who would it be?

I’m gonna choose more than one cause im the one answering and i do what i want lol. The producers of the 7th sense? im pretty sure they were a korean team. This instrumental was mindblowing,, amazing. I want them to teach me their ways no lie. Also? B.A.P Himchan? he’s the one frome B.A.P that actually has the musical knowledge because boy graduated uni,, and i feel he could teach me a lot. Now if we couple that with Yongguk that could actually be the perfect duo. Chanyeol too? He learns everything from scratch and gets better and better and learns piano and composes and learns so many new things all the time and?? I want him to teach me lmao

8. what do you love most about your bias group(s)?

They‘re all so close to each other and idk,, they kinda feel like home now?? It’s just you know,, i dont have friends and my familly is,, sigh. So like,, having a satable thing to rely on that kinds of mirrors a family feel i guess. And I meaan the not blood family the real type of family love yknow,, you choose your family. And like,, i’m uncomfortable seeing any of them any other than like,, brothers to me? so like,, when i go home and it’s been a terrible day I’m like,, what has everybody been up to today,, and i just dont feel like i want to die as baD anymore lmao.

Tbh this just sounds weird but like yeah bye.

9. who are your ultimate bias wreckers?

Ten, Yuta, Hansol (biTCh u better debut), and Taeil. Theres so many and I’m so indecisive sorry not sorry.

10. what do you wish for the most to happen?

I want to study what i wanto study. And be happy with myself and find a good middle ground for how i look and feel? Just feeling like I’m me in my body u feel. And stop being this fucking lonely and alone.

11. when did you get into kpop and how?

Two,, years ago?? i think?? My lil sister showed me fantastic baby then dope then beautiful night i was like biTCH. 12 hours later m was not a 5sos stan no more lmao.

12. what made you decide to have a tumblr blog?

i just wanted memes and funny dumb shit to laugh at,, and learn english

13. favorite colour?

black,, and those deep deep red almost black and white.

14. favorite animal?

wolf

15. what are your interests?

music?? Generally all kind of arts but theres some that i dont,, put much thought into tbh i just enjoy. MUsic cause i tend to dissecate everyhing,, and also cause i want to make it my job but yeah. Psychology? and Comportementalism,, like figuring out what means what in body language thats cool. Also im comuse learner so anything i find interesting i’m rly curious abt?? i’m gonna learn about it. OH and genetics. I’m in med school and right now this is genuinely the only intersting thing happening everything else is so general.

16. would you prefer movies or music?

music. cause it makes u make movies in ur head so hey

17. what would you like to achieve (or experience) before the age of 60?

die lmao. nah more seriously i want to?? settle down?? have a nice little house with my best friend/s slash soulmate/s and just,, live with them?? like ive always wanted to have this kind of life?? cause i think friends are way more important that people consider them to be and it makes me ,,, sad?? like i’d marry my best friend ?? idk people seem to think friends are just,, side pieces and yall fucK OFF (im stopping now i was about to ranT)

also i’m tagging ?? @jenolees why not i feel like u wont but hey!, @skeletonsungjin (!! hi), and @iluvparkjihoon (i literally typed shinehaechan siGH)

[targsdaenerys]

let me tell you all a story. a story of my experience with ouat.

2012.

in fourth grade, i was watching american idol. during commercials, i viewed a promo consisting of a dragon and unicorns. now, at the time, unicorns were my ver y favorite, so of course, i was intrigued. i told my mom that i heard about a show with unicrons, but that i didnt know what it was called. she told me how she had heard of it and wanted to check it out. after watching the season one interviews between red and snow, she believed it was too old for me. i agreed. no unicorns. not what i was expecting.

2013.

a year passes. fifth grade was a blur, and all i know is that we went to disney. i had no idea what would change since then.

2014.

my friends are suddenly starting to talk about this kid’s eyebrows. how they are “so hot” and “sexy”. she showed me a picture off of robbie kay’s instagram and i laughed. ha, peter pan? whatever.

but then, it started to reoccur each monday, they would talk about it. i actually started to look forward to monday lunch periods. i begged them to discuss what they thought of the episode. once again, i was intrigued. 

so of course, i wanted to see what the fuss was about. whats this big deal with peter pan? and who the hell’s rumple after only a few clips, i suddenly loved snow and charming. i needed more. i needed to watch.

so i tried. desperately.  i only had an ipad, and was unaware it was on netlfix, so i tried to watch the first episode of the series by typing in “once upon a time season 1 episode one online free to any platform.i actually was able to find it and went in excitedly the next day to tell my friends. that was when i learned it was on netflix and thati could not wait to get home and watch it. so i did. but the thing is, i was only there for snow and charming scenes.  i literally only skipped to their scenes. thats how i watched the show.

but then, as i was scrolling around youtube one day looking forsscenes for them, i came across “Emma and Hook Kiss scene” my frirst thought? it was between “ew”and “serioulsy?”

i watched it anyway.

and to behonest, it was kind of just a “okay, that happened” kind of thing. it wasnt until my friend told me after the season 3 finle that emma and hook kissed again before i got alitle excited. not much more, though.

then months pass, and suddenly, scrolling around netflix, i come across the hunger games. i held a grudge against the series since it became big with the popular group in my school that year. but i was thirsty for romance. and i heard it had some.

and thats how i fell in love with everlark. one night. the next morning i started following pages on instagram. i look up the ship on googlge. and tumblr posts pop up. i make a tumblr.

i start to follow pages on there with everlark, but then i start to see things on both platforms. emma and hook. and then, i slowly started to fall in love. not much. i just watch a couple of their scenes during season three, come across their second kiss. getting really, really excitated for the fourth season.

at the point, i had written about two everlark fanfictions. i wanted to write one about emma and hook, but i had no i dea how. or what .

but then tumblr inspired me. to the point where i started to freak out over every episode no matter how small the scenes were. in october of seventh grade, i wrote my first captain swan fanifction. i also drew my first drawing that i never thought i was able to do. sure, it was with a sketchbook my aunt got me in second grade and a #2 pecil, but i believe its still beautiful. it wasnt long after i actually found the name, captain swan, rather than using “kemma” or “killimma”.

2015.

and from there, my obsession sky rocketed. i stayed up until four every night after an episode, despite schol the next morning. i wrote little drabbles that arelong since gone ever since my laptop broke. i drew more drawings, i rewatched every scene until thats all that was in my head.the s4 finale was as hard on me as everyone else, and i tried to write a specualtion fic to the s5 premiere. i neverfinshed. although, looking back at the writing now, i can still feel the pain i was in by it.

and then season five started. again, i freaked out as much as everyone else. every episode. i still remeber the week after the first episode, we lost someone int he fandom. we miss you, love.

and then it was late october.saturday the 22nd, my mom came into my room to ask me if id seen my friend alyssa that day. she was a year older than me, afreshman in highschool. i didnt, so i told her. i didnt ever think what might have been.the following day, i was working at the food pantry when my mom caled me.they had found alyssa. but she wasnt okay.maybe in her mind she may have been the best shes ever been, but to us,she wasnt.

no one else knew, and i had to walk home in silence. i didnt cry because at the time we werent as close as the year before and it didnt hit me.but then my mother’s words repeated in my head. “Alyssa died, sweetie.” it was asentence i never forgot.

im not the best at keeping my emtions with myself. i always think people will judge me and call me selfish if i cry, and i didnt want it to be like that. so i kept it in.i kept the tears in for so, so long, even to the point here i didnt even cry at her wake where she looked like an angel although the scarf around her neck was something shed never wear. and what kept my sanity? once upon a time. it was then when i realized it was my anchor. 

2016.

back in 2015 my mother made me audtion for a vocational school. earlier that year i had found its dance program and wanted to go, but along the way my intrest dwindled. she told me to give it a shot anyway because i had a very low chance of making it in due to my grades at the time. 

i made it in. 

the following months were the worst of my life. every day on the way home from dance wed fight about which high school was better, and although she was right about me going to the vocational one, i wanted to stay in my district. lets just say the only thing that kept me from following alyssa into the darkness was dance competitions. oh, and what else. the damn once upon a time episodes.

she forced me to go to that school, by the way. sure, i enjoy it now, but the people there suck and i still do not like how she went at it.

that fall, i take my friend to our first convention.since i started watching oneupon a time, i wanted others to watch it, and my one friend agreed to. until the end of the neverland arc.  and peter pan died. no more ouat for her. but, since robbie was going to be there, lets go. she got a picture with him, i got a picture with bex. yayay.

2017.

last week, we experienced the best sunday of our life. a wedding we never really thought would happen. it was unbelievable. emma got her happy ending(or beginning) aand we got ours. it was so thrilling that even my friend who stopped watching in season three was excited. but as much as it was unbeliable the night, the following morning was too.

that was the most giddiest i had ever felt for school. every more we have a forty five minute bus ride and the but whole time i listened to the musical on repeat. but then, as i looked down to pause the music as we pulled into school, i saw my friends text. Jen’s facebook post.

i was in a daze all day.

it wasnt until lunch, the last period since it was a half day, where i just broke down. people asked me what was wrong and i explained as best i could, but shitty people have shitty outlooks on things and they didnt understand. it was the loneliest ive ever felt.

my mom kind of comforted me, telling me how she felt the same when parent hood ended and that ill find a new show ill like just the same, but one upon a time is special. no show can replace or even add onto what kind of mark it had left on me. it was what started my career in wririting and drawing. in someways it kept me alive. and what did people do when i told them this? they laughed.

it was tuesday night when i ran down stairs, telling my mom about convention tickets for colin and jen photo op i found on sale. we had them in mind for awhile, but never got them. she told me wed look into it. we missed the sale.

so here we were, here i was, aall i was able to think about was how id never meet the people who played the characters that shaped me and my future. until the next morning, my birthday, where i was given the tickets.

and today,to night, was pretty much the end of the storybook. im not going to go into it because i have it on a post from about an hour ago. but thank you everyone, for helping me be me. and thank you for this blessed oppurtuniy, in which i had never and will never take for granted, to be a part of such a magical communtiy. because of this platform i have aspired my career of writing, drawing, and fulfilling my dreams of being a princess by being able to contact disney about the program.if it wasnt for this damned, beautiful fucking shwow, i would probably bedrastically different. this story we created is timeless, a neverending fairytale in both real life and on screen. the story contiues for ever and ever in our hearts and writing and drawing and all of the incredible talents we all have.

[420710ge-blog]

my first entry

all of these entries will be more or less stream of consciousness

Im watching queer eye. SO I felt like writing a blog and starting a blog bc im emotional and severely depressed. ( if the fab 5 could re vamp me and my life omg)

I'm trying to grasp this concept that i am 28 years old

and i STILL have no idea who the fuck I am or what the fuck am i gonna do.

what i do know is I am a single. I am straight-ish haha (no one is straight these days eff lables and gender norms) I live in a basement. The neighborhood I live in isnt the best in my opinion for me. I know I enjoy cities and hustle and bustle and noise. this area is not where i want to spend a long period of time in. I have my drivers license but dont have a car. I'm on a fixed income. I am very very poor. I've been struggling with money my whole life. My mother was struggling with money and work my whole childhood ive come to learn. i feel like my mom maybe didn't give me all the right tools i needed to make it in this world.

I'm not a good cook, but i enjoy cooking and wish I was good. I eat very unhealthy. I dont know how to shop for groceries or clothes. i eat fast food,microwaves meals and snacks, cheese and crackers, cereal, deli sandwhiches, pb & j, fruit snacks, ice tea, juice and water. (thats basically it unless i go out to eat which is bad bc i have no money for it.)

i cannot grasp the concept of money i dont know how to budget or balance a check book or keep track of spending. i need to put money a side and save and i just cant seem to do it. The money is always being used. i feel like im always in debt or owing money that i never get in front of this wave to start earning actual income every dollar i make is always spoken for and the $1 to 80 dollars that i actually get left over is for cleaning supplies hair products medication condoms tampons pads basically things i need. and im honest in saying i do spend money on food and great craft beer bc its my way of treating myself for actually making a payment or actually getting out of bed, for going hungry for a few days or for having a good mental health day.

My hobbies include filling out job applications, fighting with doctors and secretaries, bill collectors debt collect companies and creditors, watching youtube videos, vloggers and youtubers on my phone and my freinds old old laptop the basement has pretty difficult internet connection and it is freezing cold but other than that its nice it works its a place to sleep and shelter, other hobbies are watching movies and tv, and lastly SLEEP. i sleep 10-14 hours most days or i go 2 days without sleep. i am always over sleeping or i just cant turn my brain and stress and anxiety off just to shut my eyes and sleep. I almost never talk with friends or see other people or go out and hang with friends. the only times i do go out is if someone offers to pay for me or otherwise i cant.

i am addicted to social media. i cant go for more than 15 seconds without checking instrgram or snap chat or youtube or facebook. i can easily spend 11 hours going back and forth between those 4 sites. it is very bad for my mental health and its stunted my success bc i cant help but compare myself. and its vicious negative cycle that i cant seem to break.

i have to walk or use uber or lyft or public transit to get around which gets very expensive over time. walking and being out waiting for the bus or train is very triggering for my mental health. People who are fortunate to have the luxury to own or lease a car please realize the people who cannot afford a car or cannot drive for whatever reason are not second class citizens. People and humans are very nasty and rude and more terrible than youd imagine. having to walk everywhere and be in with the public as much as i have turns you into a cynical abrasive aggresive hateful and rageful person. for example a few weeks ago a car turned on the street that i was walking on and the walk sign was lit and he had a yellow switching to a red, her turned quickly to beat the light that he didnt see me or the walk sign and was inches away from me so i ran after his car and punched the shit out of the passenger window. i spazed out like that bc i had a week of walking in the freezing cold (and living in a super cold place) being rained on and splashed by the puddles being ran thru by cars, teenagers on busses making fun of me throwing things at me, people in cars yelling shit at me and the others standing at a bus bc we dont have a car and we have to wait in the cold assuming that we were all bums or homeless.

I am not happy or passionate about things i use to be obsessed with. I grew up loving comedy. stand up sketch improv.

i use to perform. i would go see it all the time it meant the world to me it is what i wanted t0 do with my life.

but now I dont and i think its was stupid. and a waste of time. same with college it was a waste of time and money to get a degree in something i have no passion about anymore. and a degree in something in which there are no jobs for you.it was terrible decision i made. one of the billions of terrible decisions i ahve made in my life

I have zero self confidence and i barely care what my appearance looks like anymore. i glance in mirrors but never really look at myself. I dont look people in the eyes anymore. I think so hard about what i am saying for i say that it comes out more often that not weird or incorrect bc i am so worried about what others are thinking about me so then that leads to me getting made fun of for how i talk or how i say things. I am always the butt of my friends jokes im always being poked fun at or pranked or messed with.

I dress like 15 year old skate kid. i have nothing that is appropriate for like an office or an audition  or job interview or business meeting or family event or a formal event or cocktail party. i dont know how to dress for my age or for my gender. 

I am super lazy and messy but i have been working on it.

i use cannabis recreationally not everyday but definitely multiple times a week. when i can afford it. it helps clear my head and use the same way a person uses a nice glass of wine at the end of a long day. i dont think its wrong or inhibiting me as a person. sometimes it even helps with motivation and helps get me out of a depressive funk.

I am severely depressed and have an anxiety disorder.

I over think about everything. i make plans and lists for every scenario that i am going to encounter on a daily basis its almost obsessive. my train of thought before entering a conversation with anyone is “do not say anything weird dont look at them for to long, dont fidget, omg what are they thining about when they are looking at me, am i ugly and i coming off as weird or immature or nervous.” 

I lost alot of very important people in my life bc of death or from people and friends and family just cutting me off and people to live the rest of their lives without me. it makes me judge and hate everyone.

I am constantly worried that i am gonna become homeless live on the streets and become a junkie. I actually think about this so so so much. i actually shocked from what i have been thru that i havent become a junkie yet.

I dont want what most white women in their late twenties want and crave. i dont relate or most girls in my age range. its hard for me to find things in common with my peers.

I dont want to buy or own a house. renting forever is fine by me

I do want to buy and own a car preferably a truck but a small suv could work too.

I dont want a family. I dont want children my own or adoptive. I dont want to live in the suburbs or in a neighborhood with tons or old people and families.

i dont want marriage i think its problematic and dumb thing to subject yourself to.

i enjoy soccer and skateboarding and true crime movies and tv shows and horror movies and tv shows.i like some funny things but its selective. i love the sims.

i want to try out living in other states in the us and maybe even try living in the uk.

if i was rich i would want 2 small apartments in central city locations on both coasts of the us one on one and one on the other. and ill use my money to travel. i am craving to travel so badly its all i have been thinking about lately. but again no funds

i want to meet someone who just totally sweeps me off my feet. somone who knows how to be a real man and real boyfriend im tired iof these boys i need a guy who calls me out on my bs, gives constructive criticism, incredibly supportive and KIND. i want our respectfulness to be at an 100%. i want to feel worshipped and adored. i want them to be succesful and be able to bring me up and boost me forward. great listener. not sleepy or annoyed very easily. insane dark weird goofy sense of humor. id love them to be outgoing and be able to command a room and be comfortable around people new and old. great sex and adventures. currently im giving my ex a chance and its prolly a terrible idea.

i want a makeover i want to learn how to dress myself correctly and figure what my style is, make money and keep money, how to cook, how to skateboard, how to surf, how to take care of my skin and my hair. I want to learn how to work out where i wont make my current ailments and injuries and medical issues flare up and put me out of business for few days. id like to have toned arms back shoulders and legs and to not be winded dont everyday tasks.

if i had to make a dream cocktail. and the final result would be the new me i would throw in the blender: confidence of a drag queen, the wit and sharp tongue of joan rivers, the comedic timing of sean hayes, riley reids sex skills, the intelligence and maturity of michelle obama, pinks hair and singing skills, kat dennings body and dgaf attitude. that would be the perfect me in my eyes.

I want to make everyone proud of me. and I want to be proud of myself. 

idk what this was but its on the internet

-GE

[samanthasroberts]

The 9 Fights You’ll Definitely Have With Your SO When You Move In Together

This summer, I purchased my first home with my fiance. Wed lived together in my parents home for several months, so we figured having a place to ourselves wouldnt be much of a transition.

I mean, we already lived together. We were going to be like two sexy little peas in a very overpriced pod! Except we werent. At least, not exactly.

Once its just the two of you, things do indeed change. By moving in with your partner, youre assuming the roles of husband and wife. But instead of being married to each other, youre mutually committed to this one, very expensive house thatll take the majority of your lives to pay off.

With such high stakes, theres a lot to gain and lose when you do finally move in. And as any couple whos ever lived together knows, you will find yourselves having a number of standard arguments over and over again.

Most of these arguments have no merit and brew from outside sources, but your partner gets the brunt of it because theyre, well, there. So lets get started on these arguments, shall we?

1.The conflict of the light switch.

Because I always grew up with pets, when I would leave the house, Id always leave the TV on for them so theyd feel less alone.

Since weve only had the house for a few months, I continue to leave the TV on when I leave. This INFURIATES my fiance, who, as soon as I step in the house, scolds me as if I were being reprimanded by a teacher in grade school.

Id then daftly counter with, Well, Im the one paying the electricity bill, so why do you care? and, as Im sure you can imagine, a whole other argument ensues.

2. Bills, bills, bills.

Money will always be a subject of contention for couples. Always.

Whenyou move in with somebody, you marry each other financially, so this contention can grow. Add to the fact that youre absolutely astounded by the amount of money youre now spending on bills that used to be spent on beer and just beer.

As such, your money becomes their money and vice versa. Your spending affects them and their spending affects you.

I should add here that bills arent often the source of an argument (at least in our home), but are instead used as a last line of defense in an argument.

For instance, if you pay the majority of the bills, you will undoubtedly use this against your partner when verbally backed into a corner. Its not a smart thing to do, but like I said, its a last line of defense. Its all youve got.

3. Settling on TV shows.

Im fortunate that my fiance and I like watching the same shows, but there are moments when we disagree and a lukewarm argument ensues.

For instance, I know my fiance doesnt want to watch a show when she innocently asks: Whats this? or What are you watching?

Knowing this is her method to vocalize her distaste for whatevers on, I surrender by delicately placing the converter on her lap, where shell then switch it over to The Food Network.

4. Accusations of ones laziness.

Since I work from home, my fiance likes to think I have the day to sweep the floors, do the laundry, fold the laundry and otherwise ensure the house is spotless.

To her, Im Cinderella with a laptop who writes the occasional boner joke in a Word document.

On the other hand, when my fiance comes home mid-afternoon, shell sit on the couch and eat a can of chickpeas, warm up some tomato soup and not do much else.

To be fair, she works as a baker and wakes up at 4 am, but when Im being accused of laziness, the claws comeoutand nobody is safe. Well poke at each other, accusing the other of being lazy, until an actual argument follows.

What you ultimately realize is that anyone can be accused of being lazy with the right argument.

5. The terrible, deplorable saga that is laundry.

Laundry. FUCKING LAUNDRY. Without a doubt, the worst chore of all chores.

While neither of us has any problem throwing a load in the washer or dryer, its the folding and hanging thats a pain in the ass.

There have been a few times where Ive washed, dried and folded the laundry, have gotten fed up and asked that she hang the laundry in the closet. This is where our arguments will usually begin.

Her side: Why not finish the deed yourself? Youre already 80 percent there. Mine: Ive done most of the work, just help me!

Conclusion: Laundry doesnt get hung but instead sits on the floor in a spare room.

6. Compromising on bedtime activities.

Because my fiance wakes up so early and I dont have a dedicated start time, our bedtime schedules are very different.

Though weve each compromised, we discovered many things about each other, such as: I like to watch TV in the bedroom; she doesnt. I like having a fan on in the room; she doesnt. She likes body contact; I dont. And so on.

I know were not alone on this one. I just know it.

7. Doing the dishes.

I actually dont hate doing the dishes. I really dont. I mean, I dont love it, but in terms of chores, its really not so bad.

I should add here that we dont have a dishwasher, so Ive kind of assumed this role myself. If you do have one and complain, youve got no foot to stand on. Im sorry, you just dont.

Like Ive mentioned, my fiances a baker and loves to bake at any and every given opportunity, so the dishes are seemingly endless.

I should also add that shes vegan and Im not, so to make sure that no animal product comes in contact with her food, our dishes are pretty much doubled.

When the dishes start piling on themselves, forming a steel volcano about to erupt with vanilla cupcake batter, Ill admit I get frustrated. Cue argument.

8. Whoever does the cooking holds all the power.

Like paying the bills, the person who cooks in the household will always highlight this fact when theyve got no other form of defense in an argument.

Its like a verbal stun gun: You bring it up, deliver the blinding impact that is your own pettiness and flee the argument hoping theyve got no retort.

9. Understanding that a womans beauty takes time.

Before living together, all Id see was my fiance walking down her driveway looking sexy and flawless.

Now that we live together, I understand that before she worked that driveway like a runway, she spent several hours doing her hair and makeup. Tack on another hour for the outfit.

Now that we live together, this becomes less flattering and more frustrating.

Here you are, all dressed, car keys in hand and should have left 10 minutes ago. But there she is, the love of your life, teasing her hair in her underwear with a glass of wine on the counter.

Like, come on. WEVE GOTTA GO!

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-9-fights-youll-definitely-have-with-your-so-when-you-move-in-together/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/02/15/the-9-fights-youll-definitely-have-with-your-so-when-you-move-in-together/

[adambstingus]

The 9 Fights You’ll Definitely Have With Your SO When You Move In Together

This summer, I purchased my first home with my fiance. Wed lived together in my parents home for several months, so we figured having a place to ourselves wouldnt be much of a transition.

I mean, we already lived together. We were going to be like two sexy little peas in a very overpriced pod! Except we werent. At least, not exactly.

Once its just the two of you, things do indeed change. By moving in with your partner, youre assuming the roles of husband and wife. But instead of being married to each other, youre mutually committed to this one, very expensive house thatll take the majority of your lives to pay off.

With such high stakes, theres a lot to gain and lose when you do finally move in. And as any couple whos ever lived together knows, you will find yourselves having a number of standard arguments over and over again.

Most of these arguments have no merit and brew from outside sources, but your partner gets the brunt of it because theyre, well, there. So lets get started on these arguments, shall we?

1.The conflict of the light switch.

Because I always grew up with pets, when I would leave the house, Id always leave the TV on for them so theyd feel less alone.

Since weve only had the house for a few months, I continue to leave the TV on when I leave. This INFURIATES my fiance, who, as soon as I step in the house, scolds me as if I were being reprimanded by a teacher in grade school.

Id then daftly counter with, Well, Im the one paying the electricity bill, so why do you care? and, as Im sure you can imagine, a whole other argument ensues.

2. Bills, bills, bills.

Money will always be a subject of contention for couples. Always.

Whenyou move in with somebody, you marry each other financially, so this contention can grow. Add to the fact that youre absolutely astounded by the amount of money youre now spending on bills that used to be spent on beer and just beer.

As such, your money becomes their money and vice versa. Your spending affects them and their spending affects you.

I should add here that bills arent often the source of an argument (at least in our home), but are instead used as a last line of defense in an argument.

For instance, if you pay the majority of the bills, you will undoubtedly use this against your partner when verbally backed into a corner. Its not a smart thing to do, but like I said, its a last line of defense. Its all youve got.

3. Settling on TV shows.

Im fortunate that my fiance and I like watching the same shows, but there are moments when we disagree and a lukewarm argument ensues.

For instance, I know my fiance doesnt want to watch a show when she innocently asks: Whats this? or What are you watching?

Knowing this is her method to vocalize her distaste for whatevers on, I surrender by delicately placing the converter on her lap, where shell then switch it over to The Food Network.

4. Accusations of ones laziness.

Since I work from home, my fiance likes to think I have the day to sweep the floors, do the laundry, fold the laundry and otherwise ensure the house is spotless.

To her, Im Cinderella with a laptop who writes the occasional boner joke in a Word document.

On the other hand, when my fiance comes home mid-afternoon, shell sit on the couch and eat a can of chickpeas, warm up some tomato soup and not do much else.

To be fair, she works as a baker and wakes up at 4 am, but when Im being accused of laziness, the claws comeoutand nobody is safe. Well poke at each other, accusing the other of being lazy, until an actual argument follows.

What you ultimately realize is that anyone can be accused of being lazy with the right argument.

5. The terrible, deplorable saga that is laundry.

Laundry. FUCKING LAUNDRY. Without a doubt, the worst chore of all chores.

While neither of us has any problem throwing a load in the washer or dryer, its the folding and hanging thats a pain in the ass.

There have been a few times where Ive washed, dried and folded the laundry, have gotten fed up and asked that she hang the laundry in the closet. This is where our arguments will usually begin.

Her side: Why not finish the deed yourself? Youre already 80 percent there. Mine: Ive done most of the work, just help me!

Conclusion: Laundry doesnt get hung but instead sits on the floor in a spare room.

6. Compromising on bedtime activities.

Because my fiance wakes up so early and I dont have a dedicated start time, our bedtime schedules are very different.

Though weve each compromised, we discovered many things about each other, such as: I like to watch TV in the bedroom; she doesnt. I like having a fan on in the room; she doesnt. She likes body contact; I dont. And so on.

I know were not alone on this one. I just know it.

7. Doing the dishes.

I actually dont hate doing the dishes. I really dont. I mean, I dont love it, but in terms of chores, its really not so bad.

I should add here that we dont have a dishwasher, so Ive kind of assumed this role myself. If you do have one and complain, youve got no foot to stand on. Im sorry, you just dont.

Like Ive mentioned, my fiances a baker and loves to bake at any and every given opportunity, so the dishes are seemingly endless.

I should also add that shes vegan and Im not, so to make sure that no animal product comes in contact with her food, our dishes are pretty much doubled.

When the dishes start piling on themselves, forming a steel volcano about to erupt with vanilla cupcake batter, Ill admit I get frustrated. Cue argument.

8. Whoever does the cooking holds all the power.

Like paying the bills, the person who cooks in the household will always highlight this fact when theyve got no other form of defense in an argument.

Its like a verbal stun gun: You bring it up, deliver the blinding impact that is your own pettiness and flee the argument hoping theyve got no retort.

9. Understanding that a womans beauty takes time.

Before living together, all Id see was my fiance walking down her driveway looking sexy and flawless.

Now that we live together, I understand that before she worked that driveway like a runway, she spent several hours doing her hair and makeup. Tack on another hour for the outfit.

Now that we live together, this becomes less flattering and more frustrating.

Here you are, all dressed, car keys in hand and should have left 10 minutes ago. But there she is, the love of your life, teasing her hair in her underwear with a glass of wine on the counter.

Like, come on. WEVE GOTTA GO!

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s official newsletter, The Edge, for more stories you don’t want to miss.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-9-fights-youll-definitely-have-with-your-so-when-you-move-in-together/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/170892645632

[vitaminwater-hd]

29-4-17

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?  not in the slightest, they are verbally, physically abusice people who im gonna be so happy to leave

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? i text it all the time to my gall palls...but i think the last time i said it was to the dog as i was leaving to go to school

03: Do you regret anything? so many, if i could redo my life it would be nothing like it is now

04: Are you insecure? hell yeah but hell no at the same time, depends on the time of day

05: What is your relationship status? pining over epople i can have

06: How do you want to die? ASAP

07: What did you last eat? lemonade and hony on corn chips? dont judge me

08: Played any sports? used to do tennis, mixed martial arts, netball, horseriding and what not

09: Do you bite your nails? used to, ive curbed that habit

10: When was your last physical fight? last friday, i had to call the police and they blamed me 

11: Do you like someone? yes? i dont know anymore, i try to fill my loneliness with the idea of others but...i havent really cared for anyone for a long time

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? of course

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? mmmmmmmhm

14: Do you miss someone? I miss mishek a hell of a lot. And my friend seb...he hasnt talked to me in forever...i wish that we kept in touch but i guess hes onto bigger and better things

15: Have any pets? I have kitty(mydog) and a bunch of fish 

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? really sad since i just thought about seb

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? against my will

18: Are you scared of spiders? yeah....theyre not fun

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 100%

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? genuinely cant remember 21: What are your plans for this weekend? study and work my dude

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? i dont want kids at tbe momnt, but if i wasnt the one that had to give birth to them, id like a fair few

23: Do you have piercings? How many? just my ears

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i top all my subjects except Math B so...yeah

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? seb....but thats it, im pretty much okay with burning bridges

26: What are you craving right now?

physical affection

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? i hope not

28: Have you ever been cheated on? no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? apparently but i cant remember anything specific about my last relationship

30: What’s irritating you right now? the inability to hold onto friends for more than a couple years

31: Does somebody love you?

no

32: What is your favourite color? i love pastel pinks blues and purples, but mostly that inbetween brown pink colour you can get blushes in

33: Do you have trust issues? yeh

34: Who/what was your last dream about? i dont dream anymore hun

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? i cry like everyday, i cant remember

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? i would say so

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? ...thats a hard one....id say its easier to forgive, forgetting took me a lot of effort

38: Is this year the best year of your life? i hope not

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? evridai

51: Favourite food? i dont know man, i like to be noursihed

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? when im down ill use that as a cop out but no..it doesnt, life just tumbles on

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? closed my laptop and turned it on charge

54: Is cheating ever okay? no

55: Are you mean? sometimes tho i try not to be

56: How many people have you fist fought? easily in the teens, i used to do mixed martial arts, but a real fight? just my sistr and father

57: Do you believe in true love? i dont believe in much

58: Favourite weather? when its raining a lot so the day is dark, and its just cold enough to not sweat when you walk around the house in comfy clothes.

59: Do you like the snow? yesss

60: Do you wanna get married? eventually

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? i call everyone bb so i guess so

62: What makes you happy? dogs, horses, puppies, cakes, dessert, socks, memes

63: Would you change your name? yeah, id cahnge it to something more badass

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

yehhhhhhhhhh lets not

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I guess we;re dating if that scenario comes up...ive not had anyone like me in aaaaages, ill take what i acan get

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not entirely

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? this boi called taya

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i refrain from those

69: Do you believe in soulmates? i want to but i know its all just lies lonely people tell themselves to feel less lonely

70: Is there anyone you would die for?</p> apart from my doggo no